#genuinely tho. and i say this with all the love in my heart. sometimes we need to let our egos take the backseat

[luv-beam]

HI TARA!!! my thoughts while reading are under the cut :'))) but i gotta say that i fall in love w ur writing every time i read something from u:

• i would like to start off w the fact that u set the scene so incredibly well, like im in awe and envy at this beautiful scene ur painting for us 😭 not to mention that it all flows really well too; just a strong opening paragraph

• awwwh PLS THE BIG BROTHER LITTLE SISTER DYNAMIC!!! when the little sis thinks the absolute world of her big bro :'))) and when she's even more mad than he is LMAO the TOAD LINE??? damn seokmin i was not aware of ur game

• lowkey i would have folded that fast too if duke lee seokmin of lancaster played along and kissed my hand

• this starting line ^ crazy good... like i'd like to sear this into my mind so i never forget it?? the social szn unfolds like a delicate fan??? adding another layer to the tapestry of ur life??? lee seokmin????

• HE HAS AN UNCANNY ABILITY TO ELEVATE THE ORDINARY UGHHHHH WHAAAAT A LINE i love that so, so much and it's so true as well

• awwwh yn and seokhao's goodbyes are so sweet :'')))) im so glad they all hold so much affection for one another

• "your penchant for wool is far more than my eyes could bear" im cryingksnfkdnjf seokmin sulking over the wool while he's away,, sometimes i like to imagine him as a damsel draping himself out of the window sill of a tower

• i love how yn describes herself feeling empty while hes away like heh... i know something u dont... heh :))))) and crocheting? me too!!! so cute that she made him smth

• TARA U R A MASTER AT IMAGERY!! the opening lines of age 15 are mwah chefs kiss like if i could draw/paint, i would literally turn this fic into a graphic novel for u

• tulip... brb while i burst into tears

• started grinning like an idiot while reading this ^ i can see his playful melodrama and the smile on his face,,, im so down bad like i would fold like a lawn chair if we played around like this irl (i say as a grown ass woman)

• oh how i do love the classic brushing of the limbs that gets the mcs blushing like hell... also love what u did there w the planting seeds in ur mind to decode later while they're literally planting flowers... i see u tara u genius

• oh wow the total 180 w the reveal of the duke's death (also seokmin addressing her as my dearest tulip TT) — thinking of seokmin entering the social szn as a recently-made duke and all the girls hounding after him in his fresh grief......

• this section (seok and hao just got back after the death reveal) is short but so bittersweet. like when u give seok the swords from the flower bed and he just kind of chuckles like yes... days gone by huh... UGH

• it breaks my heart to know that seokhao now have their dead fathers as something in common 😭😭😭 its sweet tho to know they're all looking out for each other. im w yn tho, i hope hers and haos relationship isnt negatively affected by this :'))

• THE RETURN OF THE TAPESTRY METAPHOR

• okay i have to confess something... this is my second time reading thru... and so im reading the part where minghao and yn talk in the garden and he's warning her of the whispers springing up abt her and seok and im like... freaking out bc i KNOW WHAT HAPPENS 😭 IM GNAWING MY FIST LIKE IK THAT HAO'D CONCERN IS SINCERE AND IM JUST SJFNKENFKFJF THIS SCENE HOLDS SO MUCH MORE WEIGHT DURING A REREAD (why i love comparing my thoughts btwn a first and second read tho, like u see things /differently/)

• i love the teasing and sweet assurances in the letters 😭 like they're so genuine and cute (rip minghao)

• AHHHHH THE SMOKING SCENE FROM SZN ONEEEE i like this change of dynamic tho instead of being btwn siblings, it's now btwn two love interests friends

• WE CANT ALWAYS HAVE WHAT OUR HEARTS DESIRE???? WHILE LOOKING AT US LIKE THAT LEE SEOKMIN????????? HHEHDJDJFJFJKFKFK

• sure sure fencing BUT YEARNING TO FIND LOVE?? BUT MY DEAR SIR?? YOUR GRACE, YOUR LOVE IS RIGHT NEXT TO U

• THE LONGING AND ASPECT OF THE FORBIDDEN MAKES THE SMALL DISTANCE BTWN U YAWN LIKE A CHASM AHHHH THIS PASSAGE!!!! like oof... i love angst and yearning like this, where im screaming at my phone screen to just kiss her already (knowing the... perilous journey ahead... heh...)

• friend.... FRIEND???? brb gonna go waltz into oncoming traffic

• oh the way this ends 😭😭😭 like my heart is being squeezed,,, the way he whispers tulip and the roots of ur love for him take hold UGGGHH!!! I CANT DO THIS

i will have to endure for another day tho and i will return for chapter two tmrw! i loved this even more than the first time i read it (and i loved it a lot then too)!! i was really able to sit w ur words this time, and i do have to say tara that u have such a talent for imagery, like omg this was so beautiful TT but thank u for writing this!! hope ur having a lovely day/night and i'll be back o7 💖

The Somerset Affair | Chapter 1: Whispers in the Garden

pairing: lsk x fem!reader genre: Bridgerton AU, friends to (?????) to eventual lovers, brother’s best friend, SLOWWWW BURNNN chapter wc: 8.2k warnings: alcohol consumption, societal expectations, eventual smut, more to be added a/n: CHAPTER 1 IS FINALLY HEREEEE // as always, ENORMOUS thanks to indi @wongyuseokie for this GORGEOUSSSS banner // and to my lovely betas shu @welcometomyoasis lou @tusswrites haneul @chanranghaeys this could not have happened without you // 2nd chapter will be up soon!!!

summary: lee seokmin is a scoundrel for having beaten your brother at fencing. or... is he?

comment to be tagged when chapters are posted, or join the fic taglist here!

Age 8

Mayfair is alive today. The Somerset estate hums with energy, a ripple of excitement passing through the gathered crowd, their eyes all fixed on the fencing match taking place in the wide, manicured garden. The afternoon sun casts a golden haze over the scene, warming the air and wrapping everything in a soft, honeyed glow. Laughter and chatter float like music across the grounds, underscored by the occasional ring of steel clashing against steel. The sweet fragrance of roses drifts on the light breeze, mingling with the fresh scent of cut grass. You sit near the front, your small hands gripping the edge of your chair, bouncing with excitement as you watch your older brother, Minghao, spar against a boy you've never seen before.

This new boy stands tall, his dark hair tousled in the breeze, and a sharp determination shines in his eyes. The way he moves—it’s confident, with an energy that seems far beyond his years. Your brother, usually so self-assured, falters as the boy steps onto the mat. A flicker of unease passes through you, twisting in your stomach. You can feel the tension, see it in the way Minghao adjusts his grip on his sword. The match begins, and every time the swords collide, the sound reverberates through your chest. Your heart sinks a little more with each point your brother loses, and soon, the inevitable happens—the newcomer disarms Minghao with a flourish so smooth it draws gasps and murmurs from the audience.

"Such skill!" someone whispers, while others erupt in applause, their cheers filling the air. But you remain still, arms crossed tightly over your chest, brows drawn into a deep frown. How dare this boy defeat your brother? And so effortlessly! You want to scowl, to hold on to your anger, but the sound of the crowd’s cheers washes over you, making your resentment grow.

Seokmin—that’s his name, you overhear—steps forward, offering Minghao a hand, his smile wide and bright like the afternoon sun. "A splendid match, my lord," he says, his voice rich and full of youthful pride. "I must confess, I didn’t expect to come away unscathed!"

You narrow your eyes, watching as your brother, ever gracious, accepts the handshake. There's a mixture of admiration and annoyance in his expression, a good-natured acknowledgment of defeat. They exchange lighthearted jests, their laughter mixing with the lingering applause. But you? You're fuming. This boy, with his easy smile and seemingly endless charm, had just bested your brother, and you feel a burning need to dislike him for it.

Then, as if sensing your discontent, Seokmin turns to you, his eyes glinting with mischief. “Ah, you must be Lord Minghao’s sister?” he says, his grin widening into something playful, teasing. “Goodness, you make him look like a toad by comparison!”

Your mouth drops open in shock, a wave of indignation rushing through you. How dare he say such a thing? And worse—how could your brother laugh?  "I beg your pardon?" you snap, standing as tall as your small frame will allow, arms crossing even tighter across your chest.

"Oh, I mean no offense, miss," Seokmin chuckles, clapping Minghao on the shoulder. "I jest, of course! Merely saying that you’re far lovelier than your brother—though, admittedly, it’s not a particularly high bar."

Despite yourself, your scowl begins to soften. There’s something about the way his eyes crinkle at the corners, the lightness in his voice. It’s hard to stay angry when he looks at you like that, as if daring you to join in on the joke.

“Mama says men who try to charm without revealing their titles aren’t to be trusted,” you counter, lifting your chin with defiant pride. The quip comes out sharper than intended, but you’re determined not to let him get the better of you.

Minghao gasps, hands raised in mock horror. “Sister, truly, must you always speak so boldly?” He turns to Seokmin with an exaggerated sigh. “Please Seokmin, do forgive her. I assure you, turning eight has done little to improve her temperament.”

“You’re only two years older than me, brother!” you huff, your voice a touch more indignant. Before you can continue, though, Seokmin drops into a low, dramatic bow, the movement exaggerated and theatrical.

“The fault is entirely mine, my lady,” he says in mock seriousness, rising and extending his hand toward you. “Lord Lee Seokmin, future Duke of Lancaster. At your service.”

Two years of etiquette lessons flood your mind, and with a sudden burst of excitement, you place your small hand in his. Seokmin bows once more, this time dropping a playful kiss on your knuckles as you curtsy. You can hear Minghao’s exasperated sigh as he rolls his eyes, but you ignore him, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips.

Maybe Seokmin isn't such a scoundrel after all.

As the day wears on, you find yourself watching Seokmin from the corner of your eye. Despite your earlier indignation, there’s something undeniably captivating about him. You notice the way he treats everyone with kindness, far beyond what’s expected from someone his age. When a younger child stumbles near the fencing ring, it’s Seokmin who rushes to their side, kneeling in the dirt, his voice gentle as he asks, "Are you alright?" He helps the child up, brushing off their clothes with such care, you can’t help but be touched. "Fear not," he says, a smile returning to his face, "you’re not a toad—you’re a knight in training!"

The sight makes your heart soften further. How could someone so infuriating also be so kind? The lines of irritation you had drawn between you and Seokmin begin to blur, shifting into something more like curiosity.

As the sun sinks low, casting a warm amber glow over the estate, you find yourself gravitating closer to where Seokmin and Minghao stand, their voices rising and falling in animated conversation about fencing techniques. Seokmin’s laughter, bright and carefree, fills the air like music, and before you know it, you’re smiling too; there’s something undeniably magnetic about him.

Despite your best efforts, you can no longer deny the strange fluttering in your chest—a curiosity, perhaps even fascination, that you hadn’t expected. Maybe, just maybe, Seokmin isn’t such a scoundrel after all.

The days of the social season unfold like a delicate fan, each gathering adding another layer to the tapestry of your life, and with every event, Seokmin becomes a constant presence. He is no longer just an occasional guest—he’s a breath of fresh air, his laughter ringing through the halls of your family’s estate, turning even the dullest moments into something lively and bright.

The lively soirées your parents host become a stage for his effortless charm. Ladies in the latest fashions exchange flirtatious glances in his direction, while gentlemen engage in animated debates about politics and sport, the buzz of conversation always punctuated by Seokmin’s easy laughter. His presence transforms these gatherings, turning what once felt like routine social maneuvering into vibrant affairs filled with warmth and genuine joy.

Whether he’s lending a hand to your mother in the garden, his sleeves rolled up and face relaxed in concentration, or sparring with your brother in a friendly match, Seokmin has this uncanny ability to elevate the ordinary. What might be a simple afternoon stroll or an idle conversation becomes a moment of significance when he’s around. Sun-drenched afternoons spent wandering the estate take on a new glow, each moment painted with the sound of his voice, the infectious energy he brings.

Age 14

The day Minghao and Seokmin leave for Eton is etched in your mind with vivid clarity, every detail sharp and impossible to forget. The morning is cool, yet the sun spills across the courtyard in golden rays, casting long shadows from the trees that sway gently in the breeze. The scent of dew-laden grass mixes with the faint perfume of your mother’s rose garden, but even the beauty of the estate feels muted by the melancholy lingering in the air.

Minghao, ever composed, stands with the straight posture expected of him, his hands clasped behind his back, looking every inch the young man ready to step into his responsibilities. His face, though calm, carries the weight of leaving home, but he hides it well, his eyes betraying only a flicker of the emotions swirling beneath the surface.

Seokmin, on the other hand, struggles more visibly with the impending farewell. His usual cheerful grin falters, the lightness of his presence dimmed as he glances between you and Minghao. He tries to keep up his usual charm, cracking jokes that feel just a little too forced, his laughter not ringing as true as it normally does. There’s a vulnerability in his eyes, a softness you haven’t seen before, as if he’s trying to hide his own sadness behind that well-worn mask of joviality.

As they load their trunks into the carriage, a heavy knot forms in your chest. You know you’ll miss your brother, but it’s Seokmin’s departure that stings deeper. He’s been more than a friend these past years—he’s been a constant, a steady warmth you’ve come to rely on. His laughter, his easy charm, the way he could turn even the most mundane day into something special. The thought of him being gone, of not seeing him wander the estate with his boundless energy, makes your heart ache in a way you didn’t anticipate.

You step forward, your fingers trembling as you reach for Seokmin’s hand, your grip tighter than intended. “Promise me you’ll write?” you ask, your voice barely more than a whisper, each word trembling with the effort to hold back tears.

Seokmin’s eyes soften as he looks down at you, his usual grin giving way to something gentler. "Of course," he says, his voice steady but quieter than usual. He squeezes your hand, his thumb brushing over your knuckles in a gesture meant to comfort. “I’ll make sure you get the best letters—no boring stories, only adventures, I swear.” His grin returns, albeit a little weaker. "Besides, my lady, your brother and I will be back to torment you again come springtime!"

Minghao coughs politely. “No tearful goodbye for me, sister?”  he asks, his voice teasing, but there’s an undercurrent of affection in his words. His eyes flicker between you and Seokmin, amusement tugging at the corners of his lips, though his posture remains upright and composed as ever.

You tear your gaze from Seokmin and offer your brother a watery smile. “Do not fret, dear brother,” you say, a bit of your usual wit returning. “I’ll save the tears for later, when the house is quiet without the two of you causing chaos.”

My Dearest Y/N,

I trust this letter finds you in fine spirits, though I daresay it is far more likely that you are wrapped in the cozy embrace of your favorite blanket, lost in a book, while the world outside continues on its merry way. I cannot help but smile at the thought, for you have always possessed the rare gift of finding joy in the mundane. 

Eton is quite a spectacle, I must confess. The architecture is enough to make one feel as though they have stepped into a storybook. However, I must admit my fellow classmates lack the charm and wit of my beloved friend.

Oh, how I miss our little chats! It is a curious sensation to feel so far from home, yet I am bolstered by the knowledge that you are there, keeping our little world intact. Do tell me that you have not yet taken up knitting—your penchant for wool is far more than my eyes can bear. 

Yours most fondly,Seokmin

My Dearest Seokmin,

Eton sounds positively enchanting.I must admit, the thought of you amidst all that grandeur brings me no small measure of joy—though I do hope you have not yet been swept away by the grandeur of it all! I find it impossible to imagine anyone there being quite as dashing as you.

Life here, as you suspected, is a touch quieter without your vivacious presence. I feel compelled to admit that I found myself rather melancholic the day you left. It was a curious sadness, one that clung to me like a shadow. The house feels a touch emptier, and while I do find solace in my books, nothing compares to the ease of our conversations. The warmth of your laughter is a melody I find myself longing for, especially on the coldest evenings.

Do keep writing, dear friend. Your tales from Eton are the very lifeblood of my days, and I shall regale you with the ongoing drama of our little realm. Until then, consider me your most devoted fan, ever eager for your next missive.

With all my affection,Y/N

P.S. You will take great pleasure in knowing that I have, in fact, taken up crocheting. A lovely cap, perfect for early springtime chill, awaits you at the estate. 

Age 15:

Seokmin’s return each spring is as reliable as the first crocus peeking through the thawing earth, marking the true end of winter. His arrival is never just an event—it’s a burst of life that sweeps away the dullness left by the cold months. Every year, your excitement bubbles over as you anticipate that familiar moment when the world feels a little brighter with his return. The sunlight bathes the garden in warmth, a golden hue spreading like liquid over the well-trodden path he walks down, Minghao beside him. Their laughter floats through the air, a melody that harmonizes with the soft rustle of blooming flowers and the hum of spring.

When they finally come into view, your heart quickens, as if drawn into the rhythm of their steps. With Minghao’s ever-amiable grin and Seokmin’s radiant energy, they are a pair that seems to make the world tilt just a little toward joy. Every spring, it's the same—they stride toward you as if no time has passed, as if the long months apart were nothing but a brief blink in the grander scheme of your lives. And each time, the three of you fall into the same routines as though nothing has changed.

It usually begins with some mischief. They never fail to poke fun at you until you’re red-faced with exasperation. Seokmin, with that teasing glint in his eyes, will say something absurd or playfully condescending, and Minghao, ever the instigator, will back him up with a sly smirk. It’s only a matter of time before you lose your patience, yell, and stomp your foot, your protests ringing louder than you’d intended.

Your raised voice inevitably draws the attention of your mother, who reprimands you from the kitchen window with her usual fond disapproval. "Now, now," she’ll chide, a soft laugh hidden in her voice. "There’s no need to shout, dear. They’re only playing."

Of course, that’s the cue for Seokmin and Minghao to burst into laughter, doubling over in amusement at how easily they’ve ruffled your feathers. You scowl at them, but it’s hard to keep a frown on your face when they’re both so gleeful, their joy infectious, lighting up the entire garden.

One afternoon, not long after their return, Seokmin and Minghao find their old practice fencing swords—long forgotten and buried deep in the flowerbeds, peeking out from beneath the tulips. You watch as they unearth the swords with a mixture of surprise and amusement, both of them laughing as if uncovering a treasure trove of memories. Their faces are bright with nostalgia as they pull the dirt-encrusted weapons free, brushing off the petals clinging to the blades.

It's then that Seokmin starts to call you "Tulip," a private little nickname he utters only when it's just the two of you. The first time he says it, there’s a lightness to his tone, his lips curling into that mischievous smile of his. “You know,” he says, leaning in closer as you both watch Minghao attempt a ridiculous fencing stance in the distance, “it only makes sense. After all, you’ve been hiding our swords with the tulips. I think ‘Tulip’ suits you.”

At first, you roll your eyes, feigning annoyance, but there’s a warmth in your chest at how easily he’s assigned you such a tender nickname. 

One particularly warm afternoon, your mother summons you to help her with the flowerbeds, a chore you reluctantly take on. The sun beats down, the heat pressing into your skin and the earth beneath your fingers, while the scent of soil and fresh blossoms hangs thick in the air. You sigh, resigning yourself to the tedious task when, suddenly, a familiar voice cuts through the stillness.

“Ah, the fair lady in her noble endeavor!” Seokmin’s voice rings out, full of his usual playful grandeur. He strides through the garden gate, sweeping an imaginary cape behind him with exaggerated flair. His smile is as bright as the sun itself, lighting up the whole space. “Fear not, for I shall be your loyal squire in this quest for botanical beauty!”

Despite your earlier annoyance, a reluctant smile tugs at the corners of your mouth. Seokmin has a way of making even the most mundane tasks feel like an adventure. You watch as he bounds toward you, his movements light and full of energy. With an exaggerated show of determination, he rolls up his sleeves, pretending to prepare for battle. The weight of the day feels lighter already.

Together, the two of you dig your hands into the soil, your fingers dirty and the air filled with the soft rustling of the leaves around you. Laughter bubbles up between the two of you, mingling with the breeze as Seokmin’s animated voice brings life to the still afternoon. As you plant flower after flower, he regales you with tales of his fencing matches at Eton, his voice lively, arms waving dramatically to mimic the grand duels he’s fought.

“You wouldn’t believe it,” he says with mock gravity, “this boy was at least twice my size, and I won the match with nothing but clever footwork and a flick of the wrist!” He pantomimes the move, his arm cutting through the air like a sword.

You laugh, shaking your head at his theatrical retelling, the tension of the task dissolving with every story. It’s impossible not to get caught up in his enthusiasm. “Is that so?” you tease, barely holding back a grin.

“I daresay, footwork in fencing is quite the advantageous skill,” Seokmin says, dropping to his knees beside you with faux-seriousness, inspecting the flowerbed as though it holds the secrets to the universe. “If one can move with the grace of a dancer, one can—”

Just as he gestures again, his elbow brushes against your arm, and suddenly, time seems to slow. The lighthearted atmosphere is pierced by a spark, a ripple of warmth that travels through you. Both of you freeze, his eyes widening in surprise. His cheeks flush a light pink as he quickly pulls back, his confidence faltering for a brief second.

“My sincerest apologies,” he stammers, the usual brightness in his voice now tinged with uncharacteristic bashfulness. He resumes his work, his fingers trembling slightly as they sift through the soil. The warmth of the sun suddenly pales in comparison to the heat between you.

“It’s quite all right,” you reply, your voice shaky, your heartbeat far more rapid than you’d like. “Just... gardening, after all.” You try for casualness, but the words sound ridiculous even to your own ears, given the charged air lingering between you.

Moments later, you stand to stretch, hoping to shake off the strange energy that has settled over the both of you. Seokmin leans in to grab a nearby tool, and his shoulder brushes against yours again—this time, the contact lingers for just a second too long. The heat of it sends another jolt through you, making your heart stutter.

You gasp, startled by the unfamiliar sensation, your breath hitching. The warmth spreads from your chest down to your fingertips, a strange, foreign feeling you can’t quite name.

“Goodness! I beg your pardon again,” Seokmin says quickly, his sheepish smile returning, though this time it’s softer, more hesitant. His eyes flicker with something you can’t quite place. “It seems I have a propensity for unintentional collisions today.”

That smile—it makes your chest tighten. His presence, usually a source of comfort, now awakens something new within you, something unsettling yet undeniable. Gardening, once nothing but a mundane chore, has transformed into something far more intimate with Seokmin by your side. The flowerbeds seem to flourish under his laughter, vibrant blooms swaying as if they, too, revel in the joy of the moment.

But that foreign sensation? You tuck it deep into your mind, burying it along with the seeds you’ve planted, afraid to decode what it could mean. After all, this is Seokmin—your friend, your constant. And yet, the warmth of his touch lingers on your skin longer than it should, as if it’s quietly asking you to look closer.

My Dearest Seokmin,

I hope this letter finds you in moments of solace amidst the tumult of your recent loss. It is with a heavy heart that I pen these words, having heard of your father’s passing. The news struck me with such a weight, as though the very air around me had grown thick with sorrow. I cannot begin to fathom the grief you must be experiencing, yet please know that my thoughts and prayers are ever with you during this difficult time.

Your father was a remarkable man, a beacon of kindness and integrity, and his absence will undoubtedly leave a profound void in the hearts of all who had the privilege of knowing him. I remember fondly the stories you shared, of his wisdom and warmth, which have clearly shaped the exceptional person you have become. His legacy, I have no doubt, will endure through you.

With his passing, I know you now bear the title of Duke. While this new responsibility may feel daunting, I have every confidence you will honor his legacy with the same grace and strength he embodied. I want you to remember that you are not alone. I am here, dear friend, steadfast and unwavering, ready to support you as you navigate this uncharted territory.

I eagerly await the day when I can see your smile again, and we can talk about the flowers in the garden, just as we always have.

With all my love and deepest sympathies,Y/N

My Dearest Tulip,

Your letter brought me a flicker of light amidst the shadows that have enveloped me since my father’s passing. It is a solace to know that you, too, share in my grief, and your words resonate deeply within me, reminding me that I am not alone in this turbulent sea of sorrow.

Thank you for your kind remembrance of my father. He often spoke of you with such fondness, and knowing how he impacted your life brings me a measure of comfort. His lessons of kindness and integrity remain etched in my heart, and I strive to honor his legacy in every decision I make as Duke. It is a weight I carry with both pride and trepidation, yet the knowledge of your unwavering support gives me strength.

Though this season feels uncharted and daunting, your friendship is a cherished constant. I, too, long for the day when we can stroll through the gardens, exchanging thoughts about the flowers and sharing laughter, just as we once did. Until then, I will hold onto the warmth of your words and the memories we’ve created.

With heartfelt gratitude and affection,Seokmin

Age 16: 

When Seokmin and Minghao return home the next spring, it’s clear that Seokmin carries more than just the usual joy and liveliness he always brings with him. A new weight settles over him, one you haven’t seen before. The responsibility of the Dukedom starts to bear down on him, heavy as the cloak he will one day wear. His laugh remains bright, his smile still warm, but there’s something different now—an unspoken awareness that the carefree boy of the past is slowly giving way to the man he is becoming.

He has grown taller, his limbs long and strong, and the way he carries himself now commands attention. The once-boyish face is now defined, the angle of his jaw sharper, while his arms, corded with muscles, show the signs of hard work and training. It’s as if each inch he’s gained has come with a newfound strength, and when he meets your gaze, his eyes hold a certain seriousness, as if he is seeing everything with a fresh perspective.

The easy rhythm of your old routines stays intact—Minghao teasing you until you yell, Seokmin’s booming laughter echoing across the fields, and the reprimands from your mother when your playful shouts interrupt her afternoon peace. It all feels the same, yet beneath it all, you know things are changing.

On one such afternoon, you discover their practice swords—once lost and forgotten—buried haphazardly in the flowerbed among your mother’s beloved tulips. You pull them free with a gasp, the soil still clinging to the metal, and when you bring them to Seokmin, he chuckles, the sound a little sadder than you remember.

“Well,” he says, wiping the dirt from the hilt, “seems like even the tulips want to keep us from growing up too fast, eh, Tulip?”

Despite the weight of responsibility that now shadows him, he still calls you “Tulip.” The name slips easily from his lips, playful and tender, a thread that ties your past to the present. The quiet nickname carries the bittersweet truth: your days of carefree adventures and playful banter are slowly fading, giving way to the responsibilities of adulthood. And while the world around you shifts, that name—whispered in secret—feels like a promise that some part of him, some part of both of you, will always stay the same.

My dearest Tulip, 

It is with a heart full of sorrow that I write to you, upon receiving the most distressing news regarding your father’s passing. The world seems dimmer without him, and my thoughts are consumed with the weight of your grief. I wish I could be there, to hold your hand and share in the memories of a man who undoubtedly brought so much light into your life.

When the silence envelops you, when the days stretch long and heavy with unshed tears, know that I am here for you. You need not wear a mask of strength; I shall not expect it. Life has a way of changing in an instant, and though we are thrust into roles we may not be prepared for, there remains solace in companionship.

Please remember, my dear friend, you are not alone in this journey. I stand with you, ready to lend my support and share in whatever you need.

With the utmost affection,Seokmin

My dearest Seokmin, 

Your letter reached me at a time when silence has settled heavily over the estate, wrapping around us like a shroud. It feels as though the laughter that once danced through these halls has been swallowed by a void, leaving behind a hushed emptiness. My mother, once so vibrant, now moves about with an air of resignation, her spirit dimmed as if she carries the weight of the world upon her shoulders. The joy that once bloomed within her seems to have withered, and even the flowers in the garden appear to droop, their colors muted in sympathy for our grief.

I often find myself worrying for Minghao. The new title of duke weighs upon him like a heavy cloak, and I fear that the responsibilities thrust upon him will change him in ways I cannot yet understand. I can only imagine the burden he feels, trying to uphold our father's legacy while grappling with the uncertainties of leadership. It frightens me to think of how this shift may alter our relationship, how he might feel compelled to step into a role that distances him from the brother I’ve always known. I fear I may lose him just as I have lost my father.

Yet, amid this uncertainty, your words bring me a flicker of comfort. The knowledge that you stand with me during this turbulent time is a balm for my spirit. I long for your return, for the laughter and warmth that you bring.

Until then, I hold your friendship close to my heart, a gentle reminder that even in the darkest of times, I am not alone.

With all my affection,Y/N

Age 17: 

At the onset of spring, when Minghao and Seokmin return to the estate, the world feels subtly transformed. The air is perfumed with the scent of blooming flowers, yet there’s an unmistakable weight in the atmosphere, a quiet acknowledgment of the changes that accompany their new titles. As dukes, both acquire an aura of responsibility that overshadows the playful ease they once share.

The lighthearted teasing that characterizes your interactions is now less frequent, often replaced by a more thoughtful camaraderie. It’s as though their titles impose a certain decorum upon them, one that even the most mischievous of spirits cannot easily shake off. Their laughter, while still present, bears the faintest echo of seriousness that wasn’t there before.

Yet, despite this change, you find immense joy in their company, particularly when they engage in spirited sparring sessions in the training yard. As wooden swords clash and echo, it’s impossible not to feel a thrill at the sight of them—two young gentlemen, once boys, now embodying a gravity that demands respect even in their play.

The matches become a spectacle, each clash of wooden swords accompanied by shouts and laughter that echo through the estate. You perch on the sidelines, an amused spectator, as Seokmin and Minghao banter playfully between bouts. “You call that a strike?” Seokmin teases, deftly dodging your brother’s advance with a lightness that seems almost effortless. “I’ve seen more ferocity from a kitten!”

Minghao rolls his eyes, the corners of his mouth betraying a grin despite his best efforts to maintain an air of dignity. “One day, Seokmin, you shall learn that mocking your opponent is a perilous game.”

You perch on the sidelines, unable to stifle the laughter bubbling forth at their antics. Each exchange between them is a delightful dance, weaving a tapestry of shared history and unspoken affection. Yet, as you watch, you cannot help but feel a twinge of wistfulness; the exuberance of their banter now seems to emerge from a place tinged with nostalgia.

The sun dips low in the sky, casting a warm, golden glow over the training yard; both young gentlemen wield their wooden swords with a fervor that sends a thrill through the onlookers. You remain at a distance, your heart pounding in rhythm with each clash of wood, an exhilaration mingled with unease coursing through you.

Seokmin, with his characteristic bravado, flashes a teasing grin as he engages your brother. “Come now, my lord! Surely you can do better than that!” The laughter in his voice rings like a bell, though you can’t help but feel a knot of apprehension tighten in your chest.

As the match continues, you find yourself transfixed by Seokmin’s agile movements, the way he dances about the training yard with a carefree spirit. However, just as you begin to relax, a delicate butterfly flits past, capturing Seokmin’s attention momentarily. It is in this fleeting distraction that your brother seizes his opportunity, lunging forward with surprising speed.

“Seokmin!” you cry out, the word escaping your lips before you can restrain it. Time seems to elongate as you watch, breathless, as Seokmin turns just in time to evade the wooden sword’s path. He stumbles slightly, regaining his balance as he casts a quick glance your way, surprise etched upon his handsome features.

With your heart racing, you dash to his side, adrenaline coursing through your veins. “Are you quite well?” The urgency in your voice is unmistakable, for the thought of his injury sends a chill through you.

“Indeed, I am unharmed,” he replies, though the forced joviality of his laugh belies the tension of the moment. “Merely caught off guard, I assure you.”

Yet your heart refuses to calm. “You cannot be so reckless! What if you had been injured?” The fervor of your concern envelops you, and you see a flicker of something unspoken in his eyes as he steps closer, the air between you thick with a burgeoning intimacy. That same foreign sensation – the one from years ago when he had brushed against you in the gardens – ignites within you, one you had tucked away and kept hidden, rearing its head in this moment of vulnerability.

“Thank you, Tulip, for your ever-present concern for my well-being,” he murmurs, his voice lowered as he meets your gaze, the world around you fading into an indistinct haze. Just then, Minghao loudly clears his throat, and Seokmin drops his eyes, a bashful blush appearing on the apples of his cheeks.

You step away, embarrassed, your heart pounding against your ribcage.

Minghao corners you in the gardens that night, the cool summer breeze brushing against your skin as you take a walk, seeking solace from the tempest of thoughts swirling in your mind. The encounter with Seokmin lingers like a gentle whisper, an unsettling mixture of warmth and confusion that dances at the edges of your consciousness, teasing you with emotions you struggle to understand.

“Sister,” he begins, his voice so soft that you nearly startle. In an instant, he presses a hand against your mouth, his finger raised in a quiet plea for silence. “It’s only me, Y/N. I fear you’ll wake the entire estate.”

“It’s your fault for skulking about the gardens like a common thief!” you whisper back, fiercely. “What on earth could possibly require such urgent discussion that you couldn’t grant me one night of peace?”

His expression grows serious, the playful glint in his eyes replaced by an intensity that sends a shiver down your spine. “You must be careful, sister,” he admonishes, and in that moment, he seems less like your brother and more like the Duke of Somerset—tall, proud, and formidable. “There are whispers… about you and Seokmin.”

“Whispers? Whatever do you mean?” You search his face for clarification, anxiety bubbling within you.

Minghao shakes his head as if dismissing the very idea of this conversation. A wave of indignation washes over you, eager to burst forth. He may be only two years your elder, yet he still insists on treating you like a child. “Your debut into society draws near,” he continues, his voice measured and resolute. “You mustn’t jeopardize it.”

“But Minghao—” you begin, but he raises a hand, silencing you with a mere gesture.

“Listen. You know how these things unfold. A mere hint of impropriety could tarnish your reputation. I don’t want you to suffer from the kind of gossip that twists the truth.” His tone softens, revealing a hint of genuine concern that pierces through your indignation. “I only want what’s best for you.”

You meet his gaze, the weight of his words pressing down on you. “I am not a child anymore,” you protest, the tremor in your voice betraying a mixture of frustration and uncertainty. “I am capable of making my own choices.”

“Perhaps,” he replies, his eyes steady and unwavering. “But I have a responsibility to protect you, Y/N. I don’t wish to stifle your spirit, but you must grasp the implications of your actions.”

The night air grows thick with unspoken sentiments, and as the stars twinkle overhead like mischievous spectators, you grapple with the tumult in your heart. There’s something about Seokmin that sends ripples of confusion coursing through you, a fluttering sensation that stirs your chest whenever his name crosses your mind. You do not fully comprehend what it is, but it’s undeniably present—a flicker of something more, leaving you teetering on the precipice of feelings you are not yet ready to confront.

My dearest Seokmin, 

As I sit here with this pen in hand, I find myself quite at a loss. The arrival of my debut looms on the horizon, and while I am certainly filled with anticipation, I must confess that trepidation dances in my chest, quite uninvited. The notion of standing before an audience of peers—well-bred and well-mannered—fills me with an unease I cannot quite articulate. Will my words tumble forth in a jumbled mess? Or worse, will they fall on deaf ears?

I cannot shake the dreadful thought that I may never find a match. What if I enter that grand ballroom, adorned in my finest gown, and am met with indifference? Will the charming suitors twirl past me, whisking away others while I stand, forgotten, on the periphery? The idea sends a shiver down my spine, as I fear I may spend the evening watching the festivities unfold without me.

As I consider the expectations that accompany my debut, I can’t help but reflect on how you and Minghao have gracefully embraced your new roles as dukes. You carry the weight of your responsibilities with such elegance, while I find myself yearning to flourish in a world that feels daunting. Will I, too, be able to navigate this landscape of expectation and propriety, or will I falter under its weight?

Forgive my ramblings, dear friend. I suppose I am merely hoping for reassurance, a kind word from you. Perhaps if I know you will be there—your presence a familiar balm—I might muster the courage to dance and revel in the splendor of the evening.

With warmest regards and hopeful heart,Your Tulip

My Dearest Tulip,

Your recent letter has landed in my hands like a most delightful spring breeze, though I must confess it carries with it a hint of unease that quite unnerves me. How is it that my steadfast friend, who has faced the world with such spirited determination, now frets over the prospects of the ballroom?

First and foremost, allow me to put your mind at ease. The mere thought of you standing in that grand ballroom, adorned in the finest gown, is enough to illuminate the dimmest of corners. Your charm will be as radiant as the most exquisite of chandeliers, drawing the gaze of all who are fortunate enough to cross your path. I assure you, the gentlemen will hardly be able to focus on anything—or anyone—else.

Now, I cannot let this opportunity pass without a bit of teasing – regarding your step upon my toes during our lessons –  I daresay I must bring up a rather amusing memory. I cannot help but recall how you sent both Minghao and me reeling across the room, much like a pair of wayward marionettes! One can only hope that with age comes grace—or at the very least, a better sense of foot placement! If not, I shall be prepared to don the most resilient shoes in all of England.

Worry not, dear Tulip. I shall be by your side the entire season, if you shall have me (although, I am not entirely certain your dear brother will be entirely pleased by this idea). 

Your most loyal servant,Seokmin

Dearest Sister, 

As I sit at my desk, I cannot help but feel a mixture of pride and exasperation as I pen this letter. Our infrequent exchanges have become quite the tradition, have they not? I find it amusing that as your brother, I am often left to await your words while Seokmin is constantly regaled by your stories. 

With your debut looming closer, I feel it is my solemn duty as both your brother and your Duke to remind you of the delicate nature of polite society. Your debut is not merely an occasion to don a gown and curtsy to the queen; it is a rite filled with expectations and decorum. I implore you to be mindful of the company you keep and the propriety that is expected of you as a young lady and the sister of the Duke. I have taken it upon myself to speak to Seokmin, warning him of the same – he has a habit of forgetting his own station in moments of levity. 

While I know you must find these constraints stifling, know that the eyes of the ton will soon be upon you, not only assessing your beauty but also your character. You are the jewel of our family, and I trust you will shine brightly, even amidst these expectations. 

Write to me when you can, dear sister, even if it is infrequent. Your musings are treasures to your dear elder brother, and I await them constantly. 

With all my love, Minghao

Dearest Brother, 

I say this with the utmost love and devotion:

Damn you. 

(Please forgive my language, and please, do not show this letter to Mama. I fear her admonishments may never end if she hears of my vernacular)

I am acutely aware of the expectations that accompany my debut – how could I forget when both you and Mama loom over me like a pair of hawks? While I recognize your intentions, your words do little to alleviate my anxiety. 

Your warning regarding Seokmin only serves to make me laugh. It is amusing, truly, to envision the Duke of Lancaster being chided by my brother on the virtues of propriety. I promise to keep my wits about me and to present myself with all the elegance expected of a young lady of my station (the sister of a Duke, no less!). 

I will do my utmost to avoid a scandal – or at the very least, I shall ensure that you do not hear of it. I shall write again soon, if only to unleash more of my exasperation upon you. 

Yours, in (implied) rebellion, Y/N (Sister of the Duke of Somerset)

Age 18: 

On the eve of your debut, you find yourself seated on the swing in the garden of the Somerset townhome, the night cloaked in an almost palpable tension. The sounds of Mayfair filter through the stillness—a symphony of distant laughter, the soft clatter of carriages, and the occasional rustle of silk skirts—as the ton settles into slumber. The air feels electric, crackling with anticipation, as if the entire world is holding its breath, waiting for the events of the morrow to unfold.

You take a deep drag from the cigarette you swiped from Minghao’s rooms, the smoke spiraling into the night like a fleeting thought. With each inhale, you hope to drown out the anxious fluttering of your heart, a dissonant rhythm that accelerates at the mere thought of tomorrow’s debut.

“Why, Lady Xu Y/N, are you smoking?” The voice breaks through your reverie, causing you to sputter and cough, hastily attempting to conceal the cigarette behind your back. You turn to see Seokmin, leaning casually against the sturdy oak tree that secures the swing, his figure silhouetted against the moonlight.

His presence is both familiar and disarming, the boyish charm of his smile juxtaposed against the weight of his title. “No, Seokmin, I—” you stammer, flustered.

“Shove over,” he commands lightly, and before you can protest, he plucks the cigarette from your frozen grip, taking a deep, leisurely drag. The sight of him—so confident, so carefree—sets your heart racing in a way that both delights and terrifies you.

“What on earth are you doing here?” you ask incredulously, half-exasperated, half-amused.

“I was with your brother at White’s,” he replies, amusement dancing in his eyes. “It was my mistake to forget how little he can imbibe before devolving into an utter fool. I was merely making sure he returned home safely.” His tone shifts, curiosity sparkling in his gaze. “Are you excited for tomorrow?”

“Excited? Hardly,” you grumble, kicking at the scattered rocks beneath your feet. “What my heart truly desires is to run away—pack my things, flee to Paris, and open a quaint little bookstore. Perhaps live out my days as a spinster, surrounded by novels and solitude.”

Seokmin’s expression shifts, a shadow of understanding passing across his features. “We cannot always have what our hearts desire,” he says, his voice tinged with a hint of sorrow as he exhales a plume of smoke. “Sometimes, we must accept that we can find happiness in what we have, not in what could have been.”

You watch the smoke dance and dissipate into the night sky, thoughts swirling as restlessly as the tendrils of fog around you.

“And you?” you ask quietly, the question escaping before you can catch it. “What does your heart desire?”

“Desired,” he corrects, taking another deep drag. “I once dreamed of being a fencer, of dueling beneath the sun. But above all, I yearned to find love.”

Your heart stutters at his admission. His thigh brushes against yours, an electric touch that feels so scandalously intimate you can hardly breathe. You suddenly become acutely aware of the nightgown you wear, the thin fabric doing little to shield you from the heat radiating from his body. If Minghao were to catch you in this moment, you are certain he would demand that Seokmin either marry you on the spot or duel him for your honor.

The very thought sends a shiver down your spine—an improper thought that both terrifies and thrills you. You are a young lady, poised to make your debut, and here you are, perched so closely to an eligible duke, the expectations of the ton looming like a dark cloud. What would society say if they were to discover you in this clandestine moment? The whispers would be deafening, your reputation in tatters, and yet… the thrill of it, the danger, pulls at you like a siren's song.

“And you believe you shall never find it?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

“I am a Duke, Y/N,” he murmurs, his voice so soft it barely pierces the night air. “Duty must come first. If there is any part of me left, which there rarely is, only then can I pursue love.”

The distance between you feels both impossibly vast and achingly close, the weight of his words pressing against you like an invisible force. You can see the vulnerability in his eyes, the unspoken longing that mirrors your own.

You hum, encouraging him to continue, yet the weight of his words presses down on your chest.

“But how fortunate am I,” he continues, his gaze piercing through the night like a beacon, “to have found such a remarkable friend who stands by me even as duty threatens to drown me where I stand.”

A friend. The word lingers between you, heavy and loaded. Is that truly all he sees you as? The realization sends your mind reeling, your heart racing in an entirely different way.

No, the trees whisper, urging you to reconsider.

Could it be…love?

That foreign sensation, long buried beneath layers of propriety and friendship, now unfurls within you, roots taking hold. You realize with a start that you have loved Seokmin, perhaps from that very first kiss on your hand all those years ago, long before you could articulate the feelings swirling in your heart.

Panic courses through you, and you leap up from the swing as if it has burned you. “It is late, Lord Lee. I must take my leave now,” you stammer, unable to meet his gaze. “I hope you find your way home safely.”

He reaches out, his hand brushing against your wrist, and your breath hitches at the contact. “Wait,” he says, his voice low, almost laced with concern. “Are you alright? You seem... distant.”

His eyes search yours, and you feel the weight of his gaze, an anchor that both comforts and terrifies you. Your pulse quickens, a frantic rhythm echoing in your ears. What would it mean to linger here a moment longer, to let the night wrap around you like a cocoon?

But all the books you’ve read offer no preparation for the heartache that comes with knowing he regards you as merely a friend. A friend, just like your brother. You are his friend, and the shattering realization settles in: he will never love you back.

“Tulip?” he adds softly, the word a whisper that brushes against your skin like the wind.

You swallow hard, every part of you aching to give in, to lean into the connection pulsing between you. But the truth looms like a storm cloud overhead, dark and inevitable.

You love Lord Lee Seokmin, Duke of Lancaster, but he will never love you.

And with that heavy knowledge weighing on your heart, you turn to leave, every step toward your room feeling like a betrayal to the emotions simmering just beneath the surface. 

You don’t sleep at all, thoughts consumed by a boy you had once known and the man you now love. 

Tagging: @kibs-and-bits @moondustmemories @shinwonderful @ivehypnosis @gwend0lyne @thestoryofana13

[minnaci]

i'll chime in a little on the whole. big vs small blog thing. i am a small blog. i don't have a super high follower count. i don't have a bunch of anons clamoring for more of my writing or people asking for my thoughts. honestly, most people, even in my extended "circle", don't know who i am. im not "popular" or "big" by any means, and i know my place.

BUT i know that even with my smaller platform i can still at the very least raise awareness for a cause that is important to me and should be important to everyone. if someone finds out about ficsforgaza through me, and through ficsforgaza finds another, "bigger" author they like better and decide to sponsor or request from them, i would still be ECSTATIC about it. because at the end of the day, the most important thing is happening: people are donating to palestinian families and helping save lives.

with respect to the ficsforgaza movement (and other similar fandom/online movements), it's important to remember the objective of the movement— raising money to help families in gaza. we as writers are not being directly donated to. we as writers are not the focus of the movement. the focus is, and always should be, aiding the palestinians. that is the point.

[itsalwaysdark]

caught myself being nostalgic for that damn podcast again. we need to kill connor !

[thebibliosphere]

Wait, is Jason in Gotham Knights body horror? Because it doesn't feel like his body even tho he's controlling it? (He died, he came back, it's not the same and never will be)

Or is it more analogous to puberty and feeling like you don't know anything about your body anymore?

Just having thoughts about that boy again

I think Jason in Gotham Knights is very much connected with his physical body. It's his biggest weapon, possibly more so than his guns, given his lasting connection to the Lazarus Pit and the power it gives him.

His backstory talks about building himself up to peak physical condition into the absolute unit he is now, and you can either see that as someone trying to reconnect with their physical self or someone vowing never to be small or weak again.

I tend to think of it as both. It's a reclamation of his physical form but also a transformation into something bigger and stronger that ensures he's the scariest, meanest-looking mother fucker in the room. Basically someone you can't underestimate as a threat.

(Try not to think too hard about the fact that he now largely resembles Bruce in stature, that he is now the group's heavy hitter, the most menacing and the most likely to strike fear into the heart of his opponents, and that Jason molded himself into the person he needed to be rescued by as a child. Don't do it. Do not. I am normal about this.)

But he obviously struggles with feeling present mentally sometimes.

You'll see him zoning out occasionally, touching the J-shaped scar on his face before violently shaking himself back into the present.

He has panic attacks while playing a dance video game with a coffin in it—a coffin his character becomes trapped in because he's not moving fast enough. (hello, trauma)

He's angry all the time and so relieved when Barbra expresses her own rage at something because, yes, finally, someone else is letting their emotions out instead of bottling it up (Dick).

His emails are littered with orders for self-help books, emails from his therapist moving his sessions around, and concerned messages from his friends (Roy comes to mind) saying if he needs to get out of Gotham, they'll make it happen.

Alfred holding him while he sobs over losing Bruce still breaks me every time. I have to pause the game and walk around my house until I feel normal again.

And then there's the cut scene where Dick asks, "Hey, remember that time we all [insert funny thing here]," and Jason admits, somewhat angrily, that no, he doesn't because Lazarus took entire swaths of memories from him and he hates how he can't connect with people the way he used to and he hates the way they all look at him (the way Dick is looking at him now) when he admits he doesn't remember something they clearly loved about the old him: the version of him who didn't have volatile mood swings or made people flinch when he did something as mundane as handle a kitchen knife -- the undead monster he came back as*.

The fact that Dick then contrives to recreate this memory so Jason can be included in a newer version of it -- while also giving him what is arguably a weapon -- fucks me up every time. Dick just yeets a kitchen knife at him, trusting that Jason will catch it, and then just steamrolls over Jason's rightful 'what the fuck' expression with "Hey, we're making food. Get dicing."

And Jason knows what they're all doing. He's aware of it, and he gets the teeniest, tiniest smile before smothering it out. Except he can't quite. He's still smiling as he chops the vegetables. And yes, they're all hopeless at cooking compared to him, and he knows he's going to end up taking over, but that's okay. Because this is for him. He gets to control it.

And that's how Jason gets to make a new memory, one where he is handed a weapon and gets to turn it into a genuine expression of nurturing and care.

Because he does care about them. He wouldn't conspire with Dick to bake Barbara's favorite childhood cookies if he didn't. He wouldn't try so hard to be gentle with Tim triggering the shit out of him while he's struggling with his grief. He just doesn't always know how to express it because he doesn't always know what he's feeling.

Is his anger valid? Or is this Lazarus Pit Rage? Is he being overly sensitive because of his trauma, or is everyone else underreacting because of their trauma? (Should he sign them all up for therapy, quite probably, yes.)

So, you could perhaps argue that Jason experiences body horror in the sense that he doesn't remember all the pieces of who he used to be. (Speaking as someone with severe memory loss from medical trauma, it's certainly a type of horror.) But I don't think it's because he's detached from it physically or doesn't feel in control of his body. I think it's his mind that worries him.

His body he can control. It's his mind that still sparks green sometimes.

---

*Re the scene with Tim when Tim calls the Talons monsters. "What about me? Do you think I'm a monster?"

No, they don't.

But Jason does. And it scares him shitless.

[allisonlol]

OO, how would jouno(you can also add whoever you want but JOUNO HEHZGEZGE i love him sm omg) be w an S/o who is very much stuck in the "crush phase", like giggling, blushing, smiling, hiding their face, and everything

a/n: this is such a cute idea 😵‍💫 !! def how i’d act around jouno too like oh my!!!! i also added tecchou cuz how could i not

warnings: none

(Jouno, Tecchou) With a S/O Stuck in the Crush Phase

Jouno

he def acts all annoyed but secretly loves this shit

jouno can already tell that u still get nervous and excited to see him by the sounds of your heartbeat 😭

but it warms his heart (something we all thought was impossible) that you aren’t ashamed to hide these actions

bro can’t even walk by you without u getting all flustered and hiding ur face…which is valid bc jouno is very pretty !

but he’ll sigh and shake his head, telling u to “stop being dramatic” 😭

^dw he is very much being lighthearted here and doesn’t entirely mean that!! jouno is just…not used to this kind of reaction to his presence so it throws him off a bit

the worst is when u do this shit in public 💀

^y’all will go to the store together and he leans over u to grab something off a high shelf…needless to say u are blushing and giggling like crazy (I WOULD TOO!!)

jouno gets all embarrassed and is like “STOP we are in public 😓”

which only makes it worse cuz he is so cute when he’s irritated

omfg the other hunting dogs def tease him about this 😭 tachihara practically follows jouno around asking how he can get ppl to act that way around him too??

but anyway. jouno abuses this power he has over u and purposefully does things to fluster u

^such as standing close to you, giving u random kisses, putting his arm around ur waist etc

may act like he hates it but the man has such a soft spot for u <3

Tecchou

tecchou genuinely does not fully understand how pretty he is nor the effect it has on u

he’s so tall…and strong…and OBLIVIOUS to how ur practically shaking next to him with how flustered u are

keeps asking if ur ok 💀 “are you sick, y/n? your face is all red”

gee i wonder why tecchou

whenever he bends down to kiss u, u get so nervous that you cover ur face with ur hands

he thinks this means u don’t want him to kiss u tho and is like “i’m sorry 😥”

you’re quick to explain that it’s just cuz u still get nervous around him!! but he can’t really fathom the effect he has on ppl so he’s a bit like ?????

^probably says some shit like “but i’ve literally seen u naked, why are you still nervous around me” 🫠

after awhile tecchou picks up on what is going on and sometimes messes with u to get a reaction

^holds ur face in his hands and just looks at u adoringly before giving u lots of kisses!!! u have to push him away cuz ur blushing so hard

plays it off SO WELL tho like you’d never know he’s doing this shit on purpose

i feel like tecchou was never someone to think much abt his physical appearance or how other ppl perceive him in that way, so ur reactions make him feel something new 🥹

[yoyomomiko]

THANKYOUSO MUCH for being one of the very few mouthwashing users who write for anya… !!!!!! im a major major girlkisser and i don’t see a lot of people write for her 😔😔like… please i jus wanna stare at her all day and kiss her hold her hand n stuff… compliment her all day DO U GET ME!!!

anyway thankyew im eating up ur works as we speak ☝️

Pairings: Anya x F!reader

HC: showing affection with anya!!

Warnings: cringe, not proofread, probably contains grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language!!

(A/N): OMG OMG YESSSS, I've barely seen any people write for her😔😔😔 I'LL TRY TO DO SOME OF US JUSTICE THO!! This is also kinda short and so boring😣 -> m.list

★RECEIVING FROM YOU

God she's so embarrassed

IF IT'S IN FRONT OF THE CREW THO, because if you're alone she's ALLLLL over you

I feel like Anya isn't a big fan of showing affection in public, so she doesn't really like it when you do any of that in front of others😔

When you're alone with her?

Phew

HOLD HER. KISS HER. CUDDLE WITH HER. HUG HER. COMPLIMENT HER. OH LORD JUST UGHHHH

I feel like she prefers it when you cuddle up with her and stroke her hair. She feels so cared for and so loved, so safe, she never wants to let go.

She doesn't care if you like words of affirmation more than physical affection, she's okay with both as long as nobody sees you😋👍

Hold. Her. Hand.

She likes it so much when you just clasp your hands together, it feels so intimate for her and it's just so UGH.

If you're a VERY like, clingy and affectionate person or whatever, she's gonna be a bit flustered and overwhelmed at first.

But then she gets used to it and loves it when you just throw all your love onto her😚

She's a major girlkisser too idc what you say

I'm only saying that because I like her but uhm🙄

Anyways

She also prefers you to be the one who showers her with love, she just likes being taken care of

★RECEIVING FROM HER

Anya sometimes surprises you with how much she does for you

She prefers physical affection rather than words of affirmation, she's too shy to speak her heart out.

At least at the start of the relationship, because later she's not gonna have ONE problem being just, so romantic with you to the point YOU blush.

She likes kissing you so much, I'm not even kidding

I feel like she likes it more when she's the one kissing you, like, as in a peck on the cheek or something

Also, she WILL give you a good morning AND good night kiss.

Scratch that, she'll kiss you any chance she gets😌

Big on hugs

Giving you hugs to be more specific

She loves loves LOVES comforting you, she's just so good at it

Surprisingly good at making you feel safe in her arms, genuinely has you questioning a lot

If you're on the Tulpar with her, she sadly won't even hold your hand in front of others😔

I also feel like she just gets these random bursts of confidence during her breaks, hunts you down and slams you against the wall to make out with you

But after she apologizes for being so harsh and blunt with you

I mean, honey, I do NOT mind.

Please proceed

Anywayssss

She's a little shy when it comes to compliments, but like I said, she just needs some time to get used to all that and open up more

ANYA ONE CHANCE PLEASEEEEE🙏

★yoyomiko ★miko

[sweetreveriee]

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!!!!!

this year has honestly been such an amazing year because of YOU GUYS! my moots, followers, literally anyone who has posted something that made me smile. tumblr has become my safe space and you all are my best friends. i wish everyone the best 2025 possible and i hope all your wishes come true. ily all sosososoososo much mwah mwah kisses and hugs xx 💋

now i just wanna take the time to appreciate my wonderful mootsies!! ive been tagged in a couple of these so js know ily all

@his-littlefox daph you are so fucking amazing. you’re so bubbly and fun and sweet and ily with all my heart. please never change you are so fun to be around (maybe get better taste tho) wishing you the best this new year ❤️❤️❤️

@rizzgoddessans ansy pansy where do i even start? you’re so funny and you match my freak so well. whenever you’re not online i miss you sm and when you’re back the smile on my face is so bright. you’re the best ily smmm have a great new year 🫂🫂🫂

@tunguszka20 ur a moot who i will never forget. i know we haven’t really interacted much but i love seeing ur posts/reblogs on my dash. i hope to interact much more in the new year!!!!

@thejudeduarte YOU. ARE. SO. AMAZING. ive always always loved your blog but was too scared to talk to you 😭❤️ ur so kind ily have a great 2025

@lovethornes IZZY YOU ARE THE PRETTIEST MF EVER OMFG. ilysm ur so kind and amazing and fun to talk to!!!! i really hope we can interact more this yearr

@ohwarnette sara you are so amazing words cannot describe how much i appreciate u!!!! ur my maxton hall buddy and every time you send me smthn it means the WORLD to me. knowing that i have someone in my phone i can talk to about my favorite thing ever feels so good. ilysm ur the best babes ❤️💋

@thebirdhivemind nola literally how can i explain the amount of positivity you’ve brought into my life? you’re like a big sister/aunt to me. you’re so funny and caring and compassionate and you always have the right thing to say. you’ve brought me comfort so many times, even if you didn’t do anything except exist. i literally adore you and i hope we’re friends for many many more new years!!!!

@crenna lili. lilipili. you are so perfect and sweet and the best person on the planet. ive never seen you be anything less than the kindest person ever and ilysm i hope you have the absolute best new year ever. i love talking to you so much and being your friend is such a blessing ❤️❤️❤️

@meangirlsbway BING YOU ARE SO AMAZING OMG. you’re kind, funny, beautiful, amazing and so so so so much more. ur the big sister i never had and ur literally always there when i wanna yap to someone about something. the months ive been ur friend have been some of the best of my life, have a great new year babes ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@midiosaamor BELLESY BELLE YOU ARE SO PERFECT WHERE DO I EVEN START???? u match my freak constantly ur genuinely like my other half/twin sister. i adore talking to you because you are SUCH a role model to me with how you view life and everything in it. i hope you have the best new year ever baby you’re the best MWAH ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@your-mommy-ems emmy baby you’re so fucking amazing. ive admired your blog from afar ever since i first joined tumblr and then when we became moots and started interacting i was SO HAPPY!!!! you’re so sweet and talented ive never seen u be bad at something bc ur just that good. ILYSM have a great year ❤️❤️❤️

@feerique lyla ur so gorgeous and amazing and a lil bit freaky sometimes but that’s ok because ur ICONIC and ilysm ❤️❤️ have a great new year babes never change please

@loveinalocket millieeeee hahdhdjh ilysm OMFG ur the best person ur so kind and when u almost deactivated i was DEVASTED even tho at that point we hadn’t interacted much because i LOVE you and ur blog. have the best best 2025 i hope u get everything u want ❤️❤️❤️

@lyrakanefanatic girlie u r SO AMAZING ik we haven’t interacted much but i adore ur posts and we need to become friends asappp happy new year ml have an amazing 2025

@lyra-kane MOON!!!! you are so ahdgjdhshs amazing ilysm and i love ur bloggggg!!!!!! i hope we can interact more this year ilyyyy

@highladyofterrasen7 BATMAN U R SO AMAZING AND SWEET i love love talking to u and ur the best istg ilysm and i hope you have the absolute best new year ever babes MWAH MWAH 💋

@wish-i-were-heather EUNOIA!!!!! IVE ALWAYS LOVED UR BLOG SM OMFG when we became moots and i was overjoyed and whenever we talked on discord it’s been so so fun and im looking forward to more interactions like that ❤️❤️❤️ ily happy new yearrrr

@maybxlle may we haven’t really interacted but GOD i adore your blog. just everything about it from the theme, ur amazing posts and reblogs, to YOU is so perfect and beautiful and amazing. i really hope we can talk more this year

@never-enough-novels aviii idt we’ve ever really talked which is CRIMINAL bc i love love love ur blog but ive always been too scared to reach out. ur so amazing happy new year lovely

@inmyheaddd HAPPY NEW YEAR TO THE BEST WRITER EVER!!!!! OMFG i adore all ur works especially ur grayson ones hehehhe. ily jude have a great 2025 ❤️

@ladysdevotee jess!!!!! we haven’t interacted for a LONG TIME but you are so sweet and amazing and perfect ilysm have an amazing new year babes

@tiredpapergirl KAT! you are the kindest person ever i have never had a bad conversation with you!!!! you’re so sweet and amazing and i love talking to u. have an amazing new year ml

@ijustwantmycoffeback JESTER TWIN FELLOW (insert time zone) GIRLIE GIGI ILYSM!!!! ur the best ur so funny and creative and smart and im sosoosososososo proud of everything you’ve accomplished ❤️❤️❤️ ily so fucking much have the best new year ever

@balladofareader mira you’re so nice and sweet and kind! we mostly talk on discord but just know ilysm and that my goal this year is to interact more with you on tumbles. have an amazing new year love

@sitting-in-a-library LIB ILYSM ur so fun to talk to im never bored with you!!!!! we literally barely interact on tumblr which is criminal but our convos on discord are so great. you’ve comforted me so much (like when i had my wisdom teeth removed your message were the only thing keeping me from running out of the room) have the best new year ml

@elysianwayy77 jadeeeee ur so amazing ausgdhjshsn i love ur blog and ur posts and u and im so sad we haven’t interacted more which is a fact i plan to change ❤️ have the best 2025 lovely mwah

@letmeliveinelfhame cait you are so so kind and amazing and i adore talking to you ❤️❤️❤️ i have so much fun with the shenanigans in discord. have the most amazing new year ❤️

@kit4strophe KIT!!!!!!!!!!! we haven’t talked in so long but ur genuinely the sweetest ilysm. you’re so amazing im so lucky to have you as a moot MWAH MWAH KISSES ❤️❤️

@merlinsleftit HI ROON!!!! ur so funny ur messages and posts always make me laugh. ur always so sweet and kind and ilysm im so glad we met ❤️❤️❤️ best wishes to u babes

@cavernouswastaken cav ur so nice and kind and ily. u always have the best thoughts and i love talking to u sm ❤️❤️ have a great new year lovely

@xoxzso ADDA OMG I MISSED YOU SM we NEED to start talking here more!!!!! ur so funny and amazing and lovely and i adore u smmmm!!! happy new year ml ❤️

@honeygreatminds mary oh my god we haven’t interacted much but when i tell u ily i mean it. ur blog is so gorgeous and i love ur posts sm!!!! i really hope we can interact more this year. best wishes hugssss 🫂

@sororygilmore KAELA!! we’ve only just started interacting but i adore u and ur blog. everything is so pretty and perfect js like u ml ❤️❤️❤️ happy new year have the best 2025

@graciebrams ema! we haven’t really talked much but i LOVEEEE ur blog sm!!!!! its so aesthetic and ur posts are AMAZING just like you are mwah mwah ❤️❤️❤️ have a great new year ml

@wildesqdreams lalaaaaa ahdghdhshs first of all ur blog theme is STUNNING as always, second of all u r so amazing and i need to be ur friend ASAP!!! i hope we can interact more this year. hugs n kisses happy new year ❤️❤️

@viqwxcs cami ik we haven’t talked/interacted really but i always see ur posts and reblogs on my dash and they make me so happy ❤️ have an amazing new year lovely

@beabeebeee ok first of all WIFEY ILYSM UR THE BEST U MATCH MY FREAK ILYYY HAPPY NEW YEARRRRR ❤️❤️❤️ second of all bea ur so amazing and sweet and funny and im so blessed to be ur friend ily mwah mwah

@jarsjam hey jam!! we haven’t really interacted but ive seen and reblogged so many of your posts by now i feel like we’re already friends ❤️ i hope to get to know you more this year, have an awesome 2025

@catchmeonyourceiling ZOE U GORGEOUS GIRL!!!! we’ve only just started talking but i ADORE you and your blog which has the PRETTIEST theme btw ❤️❤️❤️ happy new year ml have the best year

@sweetnnaivete hi ceri!!!! we haven’t talked really but i see u sm on my dash and i love ur posts and reblogs and i really really wanna get to know u better this year ❤️❤️ have an amazing 2025 babes

@xoxo-g0ssipgir1 HARLEY!!! we’re new friends but i already adore u sm u match my freak and that’s more than i could ever ask for. it’s us accidental simpers against the world 😔✊ily have a great new year

@rainystarssx RAINYYY UGH ILYSMMMMM i need to talk to u more bc i simply adore u ml ❤️❤️❤️ have the best best new year i hope all ur dreams come true this year

@arqbella nads!!!! ive been a fan of ur blog for the LONGEST time. ur themes ur posts u in general its all just so perfect and amazing and ilysm ur so kind have the most amazing new year worthy of u ❤️❤️

@daystarpoet AIMEEEEE WERE NEW MOOTS AND JM SO GLAD WE MET BC UR SO GORGEOUS AND AMAZING!!!! i cant wait to talk more this new year ❤️❤️ have a great 2025 ml ❤️

@daintydoll13 hi a!!!!! ur so amazing and i adore ur blog im so so glad we’re moots ❤️ ilysm have the most amazing and perfect new year ever babes

and to all of my followers…im so so so fucking grateful for every single 200+ (HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!!!!?) one of you!!!! ily all sm thank you for deciding to follow me and my crazy ass blog ❤️❤️❤️ have the best new year my loves

[luvvnai]

Unrequited Love 

rapper y/n keeps hurting chris but he cant let go

you and Chris had a very interesting situation going on you two had met at summer smash last summer your set was before lil skies and ever since then Chris was in love with you, you did to but just not enough to want something with him you didn't see yourself in a relsonship

the first time he had confessed his love you to where in your car eating McDonalds Chris had constant Butterflys when with you, the way you grabbed his arm when laughing so hard that made you curls bounce or the way you mixed gold and silver jewelry and how your braces shined when you talked out whatever you where rambling bout

you were eating your nuggets when he couldn't stop looking at you, he felt like he was stuck in a trance he had been positive you felt the way about him you let him yap your ears off cuddled with him showed him your music that haven't dropped yet always ready to pick him never making fun of him for not being able to drive, so he took a deep breath said it "im in love with you y/n" you choked on your nuggets and didn't say it back he went home and cried to nick

you loved music, being on tour, being in the studio meeting other artist anything that had to do with it honestly sometimes you felt like music was your soulmate but you felt that getting into a relationship would be too distracting and there wasn't anything you could get out of Chris but some dick in your mind which led you to be friends with some more

nick and matt tried to tell him on many occasions that this would hurt him and was doing him worse than good, but he didn't care you could have hated him but as long as he was with you, he didn't care he loved taking you shopping watching you at the studio seeing fans ship the two of you he just loved you and as bad as it sounds you loved the attention and how much he spiled you rarely you wished you loved him back but there was only room for one in your heart and music won every time

currently you and Chris where on a "break" again you felt that he was pushing a relationship on you it wasn't that you where the whole problem Chris lets his commenmnt issues onto you it made you feel untrusted and controlled you didn't like that he wanted your lo to know all yours plans for the week what time you left and got back to your house

you had done an interview at the red carpet and timothy shalmon was the interviewer you and him are very similar flirty and talkative people the fans went crazy so did Chris he went on a 2-hour rampage watching every edit watching your body language at one point he even had it up on his tv

and fans had made many edits and ship they had also shipped you and Chris but not as much as they are with timothy and Chris in fax didn't like that why would they think you and timothy looked better than you and him did you think the same did you do the things with him you also did with chris he went crazy.

chris🤦🏽

soo whats up with you and timothy? cos you seemed really happy

oh my god Chris what are u on about

nah just wondering because everyone saying you two dating

chris you always do this stuff I can't look at a guy . without you going genuinely crazy

he cant fuck you like i do tho he dont love you like i do no one will i dont understand why you wont let it be and be with me .read 2:15

read he goes to text you again typing you are in love with him you just don't know it yet 'Chris get a grip you sound insane" Chris looks over at matt on the couch "Chris this has been going on for months how many times are we going to have to tell you she doesn't love you" Chris ran his hands though his hair throwing his hair back "shut the fuck up guys you don't get it this is what happens" nick laughed "may that kind of love never find me" Chris threw one of the pillows at nick

you on the other hand where unbothered by Chris you knew no matter what you said or how you treated him he would always come back to you like a lost puppy this was a game to you see how many times you could win you took it so far to the point where you didn't even follow him back on insta but had a highlight for you named 👩‍❤️‍👨 and you hid your face in every pic

it's been almost 3 weeks since you texted Chris, he's called you and texted your multiple times, but you didn't respond and for a second matt and nick thought you were finally done with him as they had to hold their little brother all most every night it was like he was going through withdrawal he couldn't sleep barely eating even nate tried to help

but just as he started getting a little better and accepting that you were never coming back, he relapsed you texted him one night at 4 am when you were at the studio bord you genuinely forgot about the poor boy

chris 🤦🏽 . * your lo* come over imy

ill be there in ten

*yn❤️ liked message*

i missed you to baby

as calm as he sounded in the messages, he was so relieved to hear from you he ran to matts room busting through the door "matt yn just texted me can you give me a ride to her" matt sat up from his bed smacking his forehead "Chris don't go isn't this draining for you" Chris feeling irritated pulls the blanket "come one matt I need her please" matt not wanting his brother to get a uber at 4 in the morning gets up grabbing his keys "thank you" Chris says softly

he got your privet studio that had a gate in the front that needed a code to get in he texted you to come open it matt saw you walk out the building in a white tan top and long gray short to the gate this being the first time he'd seen you since rolling loud you walking to the car as Chris rolled down his window hey you can just drop him off here the inside is full Chris walked out the car hugging you

you didn't really hug him back just kinda sat there this pained matt knowing how hugs where Chris's love language "so how long you need him till you go ghost again" his mattaude sticking out very hard Chris shots him a look you as you smile at matt "idk ill drop him off when I'm done with him" you say as you walk away Chris quick to follow you

you and chris get into your studio he sits on the office chair and sits you on his lap rapping his arms around your waist and his head into your neck "I missed you baby" you put your hands in his hair rubbing his scalp "you wanna here this new song i just made" he lifts his head up "mhmm" you tap around on your computer and play a song https://open.spotify.com/search/the%20cut ( please just act like a girl sings it)

in the middle of the song Chris picks you up placing you onto the table kissing you he pulls you into a kiss he knows he shouldn't be doing this and that he will be hurt but there is that side of him that truly thinks he can change you and maybe one day you will love him back, he kisses down your neck starting to leave Hickeys as you pull onto his hair Chris no hickeys I have a show next week

he Growns onto your neck as he listens to you pulling your shirt off and going for your tittes sucking on one as he toys with your other nipple pinching and slapping it, he moves down kissing your belly and pulling your shorts off he sits back down into the chair as your heat sits perfectly Infront of him he kisses and bites your inner thigh pulling you panties off and blowing into your clit

Chris, you whine like music to his ears he loves the way his names sound so perfect in your mouth when you pull him by his hair into you, he happily follows diving into you rapping his hands around your thighs putting them over his shoulders

you moaned out as you felt him spell something on your clit Christopher that's when it hit him, he didn't care how many times you ghosted him or didn't say you loved him back this was his favorite place he would go through all that pain all over again if it meant ending up in-between your legs

[majinbangus]

Majin~ idk if my original ask sent so I'm gonna send it again just in case, Tumblr must find my asks delicious bc they get eaten like 85% of the time 🥲

Hello! Idk it you're taking requests now, or if you've already done this prompt/theme before, but I was wondering what it'd be like to be one of the many people Johnny flirts with on base, and you brush it off bc he's such a flirt. And yes, while Johnny will flirt with just about anyone bc thats his default setting, he's low-key going out of his mind bc he wants you to see that with you, it's different! It's genuine and sincere! What will it take for you to realize that the only person he's got a huge crush on is you?

Idk just wanted to see this from your perspective! No worries if you don't feel like writing anything for this, still love ya!! 😘

hey anon, sorry for the wait, getting my groove back slowly, but here it is. i might do another version of this some other time tho bc i had another vision for it but ended up with this

You don't know why he's been so affectionate with you lately. His playful flirting has gotten excessive, too. It's weird. He's being weird.

It's not like you dislike the attention, but you know he doesn't mean anything by it. That's just how he is. You know you're firmly designated as ‘friend’ in his eyes. A painful fact you've known ever since he made that comment to his ex about never seeing you in a different light because you ‘weren't his type.’ 

Yeah, that stung a bit, and you were a little offended, but that was more ego talking and less romantic feelings at the time. 

Unfortunately, things have changed. Feelings have changed. Yours, specifically.

You don't quite remember when exactly it happened, but you know it was sometime during the last few months of his last relationship. That was an agonizing time, and over a year since the end of that relationship plus several flings later, you're still pathetically pining over a man who will never see you as anything more than a friend because quote ‘he could never be attracted to someone who wasn’t his type’ unquote.

Now, you have to put on a smile and pretend it doesn't make your heart malfunction whenever he flashes that dimpled smile at you, or when he rests an arm over your shoulder while he walks next to you calling you all sorts of pet names he's never called you before. Not to mention all the times he feeds you a piece of his lunch, and when he grabs your wrist and makes you feed him. That barely scratches the surface of his newfound behavior around you.

Soap has never shown you more flirtation than the usual shallow amount he gives to anyone he's not dating. To be bathed in it out of nowhere is a shock to your system. An enigma you can't comprehend, nor are you eager to question it lest you lose his sudden affection. And despite the delusional part of you wishing he meant something by it, deep down you know it's simply false hope making you imagine the romantic adoration reflecting in those pretty ocean blues of his.

“–so what do you say?”

“I'm sorry, what?” You blink a few times, trying to force yourself to focus on Soap and not how bright his eyes are, or how warm his body feels pressed up against yours with his arm slung around your shoulder. He's so close, it's making your heart do fireworks.

“I asked if you wanna meet up next time we're on leave? We rarely hang out outside of work and drinks at the pub.”

“I can't.” It's not that you don't want to, but you don't really see the logic behind it, either. “One, we don’t live remotely close to each other, and two, I have family coming to visit.”

Soap laughs at your excuses, tightening his arm and pulling you impossibly closer. “That just means I can meet them, love! I've been meaning to sight see where you’re from anyway!”

It's your turn to bark out an incredulous laugh. “Sight see what? Soap, the city I live in is shit.”

“Och, can't be that bad if the locals are half as lovely as you, darlin’.”

“That was terrible!” You giggle, nearly doubling over at his cheesy flirtation, but despite yourself, you can't stop the fluttering in your heart, hoping he doesn't realize how much you actually like his attention and stupid charming words, or how you can barely share the same space with him without feeling like your chest is going to burst, or the obvious hearts in your eyes every time you look at him. “Please tell me you use better lines than that!”

Soap pays no mind to your laughter with that lopsided smile on his lips. He stares at you with those stupid, pretty blue eyes, strong arm still around you almost as if he's staking some kind of claim on you, like a leash or collar. You wish that was the case. You'd give anything to be marked as his.

“They seemed to work for me so far.” 

“Oh, really?”

“Aye.”

“Psh, then save the cheese for someone you want.”

“What if I want you?”

“What?” He sounds so earnest you have to stop a moment, shrugging off his arm, and turning to face him. Soap doesn’t flinch, staring back at you with such intensity you laugh uncomfortably to ease the growing tension in your chest. “Ha, ha. Very funny, Soap. You almost got me.”

“I’m being serious. I want you.”

“Since when?”

It’s a genuine question. You’re not playing dumb intentionally–well, maybe a little–but after so long of pining after him, this is something you need him to spell out for you. Even then, a part of you is ready to laugh off whatever he says next. 

Because what you have with Soap doesn’t go any deeper than a close friendship. It never has and never will be anything more than that. Even when you want it to be more, you know he’d never love someone like you. 

“Soap?” You tilt your head at him when he doesn’t answer. His smile has dropped and he’s looking at you with that cute frown of his you’ve always loved. The one when he’s deep in thought, doing all sorts of calculations or analysis on whatever has him stumped. 

“I don’t know how I can be any clearer, hen.” He talks slowly. Low and soft as if in disbelief. “Thought I’ve been obvious with my flirtin.”

“We ‘flirt’ all the time!” You laugh, trying to deflect the growing hope you feel. “We’re friends, Soap. Stop messing with me! Besides, I know I’m not your type.”

Surprisingly, he sounds offended when he asks, “Where’d you get that idea?” 

“What, that I’m not your type? You said it.”

“When?”

“When you were with what’s-her-face? The crazy possessive instagram model.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’, that always stuck with me, so thanks for that.”

“I didn’t mean it.”

You give a derisive laugh. “Then why’d you say it?”

“She was insecure.” Soap furrows his brows in regret, running a hand through his mohawk. “I thought I liked her at the time, so I said it to make her feel better. She didn't like you.”

“That’s a nice way of putting it,” You mutter bitterly. “I respected boundaries, and she always thought I was trying to ‘steal you from her.’”

Soap mumbles under his breath, “Don’t think I would have complained if you did.”

“What was that?”

“Nothin’, bon.” He sighs, the tension falling out of his shoulders before he squares them again, staring at you in a way that makes your breath catch. “Listen. I know it might be hard to believe, but I’m not takin’ the piss. If you give me the chance, let me prove how serious I am about you.”

“Soap…”

“Darlin’...”

Fuck. A flash of those blue eyes and you can feel yourself hope. Would it really hurt to give in? Just this once? Maybe, maybe not.

Sighing, you inwardly scold yourself knowing you’re jumping headfirst into the unknown, but…

 “Fine. One chance.”

Soap’s never broken that trust before, and from the grin on his face, it tells you he’ll always be there to catch you.

“One chance is all I need.”

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

okay fine, u all forced my hand in this one. these are MY azzie headcanons, mostly based on what’s canon in the books but i’m nothing if not a woman who would have been forcefully lobotomized so there’s also some delusion sprinkled in. enjoy 😙 (not proof read or correctly punctuated or even coherently arranged, we die like men on this blog)

* he may be a bit quiet in some situations, especially when meeting people who’s intentions he hasn’t quite figured out yet, but if he does nothing else, he’ll offer up a small smile in greeting. he’s not just going to sit there aloof in a corner, sans introduction.

* he’s a total vibe reader tho, his line of work has made sure of that. like he just knows when something is off about someone even if there is evidence saying otherwise. and he’s right every time, damn him.

* he tucks his hands behind his back out of habit, not necessarily shame. he used to be far more insecure, but as the centuries dragged on, he’s become less and less ashamed of what was done to him as a defenseless child.

* that’s not to say he’s fully healed and moved forward, just that time has given him some perspective and wisdom.

* (btw he loves hand massages with your lavender and lemon verbena lotion and he is not afraid to admit it)

* when he gets himself into trouble he tries to slink off into the shadows slowly, instead of disappearing all at once. nobody has a problem calling him out on it, but sometimes he honestly does get away with it.

* he has TASTE! he took one look at cassian and feyre’s gods awful decorating and didn’t even remove his outside clothes before he was fixing it.

* he and his mate’s house would look like something out of a Williams Sonoma holiday catalog.

* the two of you would put up lebron numbers on a joint pinterest account in a modern au.

* he’s quick as a whip with his dry humor and comebacks, and while cassian may be his main target, the two of them combined?? Mr. your mother and Mr. two hundred years at least TOGETHER? jesus it’s a wonder rhys came out of Illyria with the ego that he did.

* he differs from his brothers in that PDA is not his jam. he’s not getting blowjobs at the dining room table or fucking in tents while people die outside. he’s definitely not fingering you for the first time in a shabby inn, either. he’s more publicly reserved than that because he favors romance more.

* you know how rhys/feyre and cassian/nesta fucked before they were in any sort of relationship? azzie’s not doing that with someone he genuinely wants to pursue a relationship with.

* consider the following: does a man who’s spent centuries pining after the same woman come off as anything other than a romantic? no, lovely reader, not in the slightest.

* he’s got the softest heart, i just know it. while he’s kind, he has his reserved exterior, but i think once you get past that as a relationship develops, he’s so tender and thoughtful.

* his gift to nesta was so personal and thoughtful despite their superficial relationship, and he expected nothing in return. imagine what he could come up with for someone he knew on a more personal and intimate level!!

* his gifts may not be as over-the-top extravagant as Rhys would prefer, but they’re so well-planned and personal because he actually listens to you! and he watches you! and he takes the time to actually think about what would be useful and meaningful for you (Mor could NEVER, luv u tho baby)

* while he’s not overtly sexual, Azriel is a FLIRT! a shameless flirt! he doesn’t need to resort to poetry because when you exasperatedly tell him “stop trying to distract me, I’m busy!” he just arches a thick brow, looks you up and down and says “make me.”

* BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

* And your cheeks heat a bit because he’s looking at you like he knows exactly what you’d taste like and he’s starving for it and then he just laughs and you realize you’re a fly that got stuck in those honey-trap eyes again

* So you huff and roll your eyes, turning to leave the room but a hand on your wrist tugs your momentum backwards and suddenly there’s another hand cupping your cheek, thumb stroking along your jawline.

* A deep hum rumbles from the back of his throat, his gaze dragging from your mouth up to your eyes, “Do that again, I like watching your eyes roll back for me.”

* ladies/theydies i am PROFUSELY sweating !!!!!!!!!

[gay-wh0re-slut]

Omg would you please write something smutty-close friends yearning each other-there was only one bed-thing 🥹

omg i forgot about the typical tropes, i’d love to write this one. i think i’m gonna go more fluffy then smutty tho unfortch (still smut tho don’t worry) bc i need a break from writing it. i’m afraid i’m getting too repetitive so i hope this suits your needs hehe but thank you for the request!

For Sure

rhea x fem!reader

content: slight angst?? kissing, def some fingering, def some praise for SURE

Working with Rhea had been a dream. She was so sweet and genuinely cared about you. You had been her assistant for a about a year now and the friendship was really tight. She wanted someone she could talk about anything with, especially something other than wrestling.

You two usually stayed in adjoining rooms when you would travel for the shows, sometimes in the same room, with different beds of course. She had joked many times that one day they would mess up and give the two of you one bed but it hasn’t happened yet, luckily.

Your job as her assistant was to make sure she stayed on schedule, booked her hotel rooms and was the liaison for people who wanted to do interviews with her. Safe to say, you spent a lot of time with her, but you didn’t mind. To say that though, was an understatement. You loved spending time with her because these past few weeks, you’ve been wanting something more than just a friendship.

You and her would always flirt playfully as girl friends would do, but you never thought she was serious. “You look so scrumptious today,” she would say, or would joke around sometimes when you would accidentally brush against her hand with the “if you wanna hold my hand just ask,” and you wanted to so badly but you knew it would be too much.

The weekend came and you booked for the two of you to stay in a room with two beds at the hotel WWE chose.

“For Bennett please,” you said to the lady at the front desk. You use her real last name in case any crazed fans try to find her.

“Okay, one second,” as she typed away at the computer.

Rhea made eye contact with you and gave you a wink. Butterflies hit your stomach and you could feel your face getting red so you turned away after you winked back. You tapped your fingers on the counter hoping the lady would hurry up.

“Unfortunately, it looks like all our double beds have been booked for this weekend,” she said hoping you wouldn’t be mad.

“Are there any adjoining rooms?” you were scared to ask the question.

“We don’t have those here, sadly, I apologize,” she frowned.

“Looks like we’re cuddling, babygirl,” Rhea interjected.

Shit. “Do you have a pullout-”

“We’ll take a single bed then,” the wrestler interrupted you.

The lady flicked her eyes between the two of you and smiled. She began clicking away at her computer again, “here’s one with a king bed and a small kitchenette, that okay?”

“Perfect,” Rhea smiled devilishly.

She handed you the keycards and you headed to the room. You were so nervous about this whole thing, you couldn’t contain your wringing hands.

Rhea opened the door and there it was, the king bed. Your heart skipped a beat but you tried your best to stay calm.

She placed her luggage on the floor, throwing her duffle on the chair. You did the same but placed yours neatly on the desk near the window.

“Finally,” she said dropping her body on to the bed face down.

You giggle, “I’ve needed to go to the bathroom since we landed,” and you head in.

It wasn’t a lie but you did need to splash some water on your face to calm down. So you used the bathroom and washed your hands but kept the water running to cool you off as you washed your face.

“It’s fine, you’re fine, nothings even gonna happen,” you whisper to your reflection. “And if it does…no, no, it’s not going to so there’s nothing to worry about so…” you shrug to yourself. You finally turn off the water and walk back out to find the muscular woman changing into her pajamas. You cowered away at first when you realized but she was turned away from you just right. Her back muscles were, oh, so perfect and her arms are just so big and-

“Should we do each other’s makeup and watch scary movies?” she turned around finicking with her shirt.

“What… oh!” you laugh, “that’s sounds like fun, but I’m so tired and it’s already midnight and we have to get up.”

She sighed dramatically, “if you say so boss,” as she slipped under the covers, “oh this is sooo comfy, you should try it.”

“Lemme change first,” you said nervously, “and no peeking.”

“Aawww,” she joked as she covered her eyes. She peeked through her fingers at you as she giggled then covered them completely.

You quickly changed into your pajamas which was just a big tshirt and biker shorts. “Done,” you said as you turned around to her already looking at you. Your face immediately got hot.

“(y/n),” she said quietly, “you’re so beautiful,” her face staring in awe.

You crossed your arms to cover as much as you could, “I told you no peeking and thank you but you should look in a mirror sometime.”

She immediately got out of the bed, “no, I’m serious,” she pulled your arms apart, “like so incredibly.”

“Stop,” you chuckle, “you’re gonna make me fall in love with you,” you said in a joking tone but it was completely serious as you walked to your side of the bed.

“You’d love to have me as a girlfriend,” she started with a teasing tone, “I’d take you out, show you off, buy you flowers… I’m a great girlfriend actually.”

“Ha ha, very funny, but seriously we have to go to sleep,” you get into your side of the bed.

She sighed once more, “I guess so,” she followed you into the bed. “So cuddling’s off the table?” she turned to her side with her head resting on her hand.

“Unless you subconsciously do it in your sleep,” but you wanted to so badly.

“Suit yourself, I’m a great big spoon,” she turned over and turned off her light.

“I bet you are,” you turned off your light too, “goodnight Rhea.”

“Sleep well,” she huffed.

You couldn’t sleep. Your mind was running, thinking about all the things she could do as a girlfriend and how easy it would be, how fun it would be. The places you could go eat in the new cities, holding hands walking down sidewalks, coming over whenever, not having to book double beds anymore, the possibilities were endless, you thought. And the sex… you shook the thought away, she’s your friend, best friend even. You couldn’t get her off your mind for at least fifteen minutes.

You turned over on your back, “Rhea?” you whispered so quietly, but there was no response. So you tried again, “Rhea,” a little louder this time.

She turned her head towards you, “you okay?” she whispered back.

“Yeah I’m fine, just had a question,” your heart was beating out of your chest it felt like.

She turned completely over facing you, “what’s up?”

“Were you serious?”

You could feel her staring at you in the darkness, “I’m gonna need more context, love.”

“When you said I was beautiful,” you couldn’t stop now even if you tried.

“Of course. I’ve always thought you were.”

“Yeah?”

You could tell she was smiling at you, “yeah.”

“Okay,” a few long seconds passed, “and about the girlfriend thing?”

“So you are in love with me! I knew it!” she said a little too excitedly.

“Woah woah, I never said that,” you face her.

She turned over and turned her light back on. The both of you winced at the sudden brightness. She turned back towards you seeing now that your face was red with embarrassment, “but I know you’ve thought it! Like I haven’t noticed the glances, the extra giggles at my jokes, the nervousness of the one bed. Oh no, what if she cuddles me?” she mocked.

You huffed as you tried to turn away from her.

“Uh uh,” she grabbed your chin and pulled you back, “you can’t even deny it!”

That movement sent chills down your body. Unfortunately, you didn’t have an answer.

“Well,” she let go of your face and pushed a loose strand behind your ear, “if it makes you feel better, I feel the same way,” she said softly.

Your eyes widened, “you can’t be serious.”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“Yes, actually multiple times about stupid stuff,” you sat up and situated yourself to face her.

“Okay, yeah maybe, but this is serious,” she sat up and mirrored your position.

“I don’t believe you,” you crossed you arms once more.

“Will you stop doing that,” she pulled your arms apart again, “and I am. I have been since I hired you. I couldn’t find the right time to tell you and I was worried that you wouldn’t feel the same and then it would be awkward.”

“I still feel like you’re kidding,” you said sadly.

She rolled her eyes as she huffed then suddenly cupped your face with both hands and pulled you in for kiss, “does that seem like joking to you?”

You were so shocked you couldn’t speak. Your mouth was open and you sat frozen trying to think of anything to say.

Now she was becoming embarrassed, “please say something because now I look crazy.”

But you still couldn’t, so you decided on something else. You grabbed her face and pulled her back in for another kiss. Her hands were on your thighs bracing herself. She quietly moaned into the kiss sending shivers down to your core. You didn’t know you needed to hear her do that, but you were grateful she did.

Your lips danced against hers like they were meant to be, you knew exactly what to do and exactly when to do it. Her breath was hot against your face, but you didn’t care. Her hand tangled itself in your hair and before you knew it, she was guiding your body to lay down beneath her. She easily straddled you, never breaking contact with your lips, until, “This okay?”

“Perfect,” you smile as she goes back to kissing you.

Small moans came from the both of you. Your hands felt your way down her back not wanting to go too far, but found themselves under her shirt feeling the muscles contract as her body moved against yours. And moving it was, she was slightly grinding against you which was driving you crazy. Your nails slightly dug into her back before grazing down to her thighs.

One of her hands caressed its way down your torso and under your waist band, teasing at going farther.

“Can I-” she breathed.

“Yes,” you whined a little too desperately.

She grinned as she slipped her hand under. Gently rubbing your center up and down, you moaned into her kiss.

You suddenly gained consciousness, and pushed her away, “wait wait…”

She immediately took her hand out and sat up with a look of concern, “did I do something wrong?”

“No, I just…” you couldn’t understand what you were feeling. You rubbed your eyes, “are you sure? or are you just doing this to…I don’t know,” you displayed your hands out shaking them to signify that you didn’t know what you were trying to say.

“Yes, I’m a thousand percent sure,” she sighed with relief, “when I first met you, I thought you were so pretty. As time went on though, we clicked so well that I couldn’t help falling in love with you. I just needed that push to tell you and weirdly, it was the ‘only one bed’ that helped me out,” her hands were placed on her thighs, trying to not shake with nervousness.

“And there was no other time?” you joked.

“Babes, if I coulda I woulda,” she joked back, “but yes, I’m sure.”

You lay in thought for a second scanning her face for any sign of uncertainty, luckily you couldn’t find any.

“Can we go back to what we were doing or are you going to ponder some more?” she mocked.

You giggled, “yes, sorry. Please continue.”

“Thank you,” with a huge smile, she bends over you again and kisses your neck. Her hands finds its way back to your waistband, sneaking its way in, “Still okay?”

“A thousand percent.”

Her hand caressed your center just right, drawing small circles making moans and whines fall out of you with ease.

“What do you like?” she whispered in your ear before going back to kissing your neck.

Your face immediately got hotter than it already was, so you didn’t answer in fear of embarrassment.

“I won’t continue unless you tell me,” she stopped her motions with her hand.

You huff, “Uhm…” you racked your brain to remember. It had been so long since someone even thought about kissing you, “I’m not sure.”

“Oh, c’mon,” she started moving her fingers again but ever so gently, “maybe some praise?”

“You can try that,” you were too embarrassed to say that it was what you wanted now that she said it.

“Yeah?” her hand felt down your wet folds before she continued on your clit, “I can do that.”

She kissed her way back up to your lips as her hand worked its magic. Your hands were tangled in her dark hair before one slid down her arm and told her hand to go inside. It followed orders and gently pushed inside of you.

You moaned loudly into her mouth when she began to slowly pump in and out of you.

“You feel so good, baby,” she smiled against your kiss.

That could’ve sent you over then edge right then but you didn’t want to seem too desperate, so you opted for a whine instead.

“Oh, you really liked that, should I say more?” she cooed.

You nodded your head biting your lip, “yess, fuck,” you forced out.

Her pace quickened so the moans became more frequent. Your eyes were already rolling to the back of your head, you couldn’t believe it.

“You’re doing so well, taking my fingers,” she growled this one out. You could tell Mami was coming out and you couldn’t wait much longer.

“God,” you breathed. Her fingers still plunging into you, you rode her hand and the pressure was quickly rising.

She smiled into the kiss once more when she quickened her pace so fast that you were rocking the bed.

“I can tell you’re close,” she huffed. Her head was slightly sweaty but it made her look even hotter. “So be a good girl, princess and cum for me.”

Your back arched, your toes curled, your eyes rolled, and the pressure finally released, “fffffuuuuck,” you whined.

She let you ride it out as long as it took, which was a few long seconds of you writhing underneath her. Her hand slowed as your breathing became more regular.

“That’s it,” she kissed your neck once more, “good girl.”

“Holy fuck,” you gasped as she pulled her hand out of your pants. She continued to kiss up your neck until meeting your lips for the last time.

“Was that okay?” she slipped off of you.

“That was…” you couldn’t really think, “crazy.”

“Yeah? Well we really have to go to bed now,” she sighed.

You looked at the clock and sighed with her, but then you immediately shot her a look, “we can nap instead of lunch tomorrow,” and you sprung up and straddled her.

“Oh shit,” she caught your thighs, then smiled at you devilishly, “deal.”

[mazzystar24]

I totally get I just finished my exam week (I had to do a math test at 8am Sat😭). Wish you luck tho!

Also do you have any good buddies fics? Destiel too?

Math test at 8am is BRUTAL

Thank you I will definitely need it😭😭

Unfortunately I only have buddie fics to offer😔:

(Warning I do like a fair amount of angst)

Right where you left me - by hyacinthusbloom ( @thebloomingheather on here) - when I say I might be as big a fan of this fic as I am of the show I MEAN IT, you do not even understand how much I love this fic or how obsessed I am with it, I have reread it so many times despite it still being in progress that I think I may genuinely qualify it as addictive, me and @estheticpotaeto legit wait for updates like a dog at the author’s door istg, like everything about this fic is flawless and written with so much love and emotion and the way the writer captures the effects of trauma is just amazing because it’s so rare to find this level of diving into ptsd and the more uncomfortable aspects of it that are more taboo or less understandable to people, like I can yap for an hour about this fic but I’ll just say READ IT

Any fic by daisies_and_briars ( @cal-daisies-and-briars on here) but one of my favourites of his is Both blade and branch and muscle memory and four can keep a secret and appetency and the two she’s writing right now (change the prophecy and steal my sunshine) -wow at that point I should’ve left it as any fic because that’s a lot of favourites😭😭

Any fic by @loserdiaz plus with them you get enough lighthearted fics to even out the angst

Ooo I’m not sure what their username on here is but lizzybizzyzz is also another writer who I just love their fics

Fractals by hobbitprincess - one of those fics that make you squeak at how much love these fictional characters have for each other

Beneath my mother tongue by archerincombat - the angst the writing the way they hit every single emotional beat? Amazing

Anything by this_is_moony_lovegood

Leave the light on (I’ll be coming home) by HMSLusitania - the presumed dead Eddie fic of your dreams, a constant reread for me it’s just 👌

Anchored by adorkable_buddie - sorry Chris you gotta be injured sometimes just for us to get our buddie dreams hope you understand and we appreciate your sacrifice 😔🫶

empty, broken, lonely, hoping by daniweb - when I tell you I love the presumed dead trope you best believe I’m telling the truth because the ANGST?? Yes please, LISTEN it’s the closest you can get to the emotional beats of killing off a character without ever killing them off because you love them and happy endings too much so TIM MINEAR TAKE NOTES I KNOW YOU SAID YOU LOVE THEM TOO MUCH TO KILL THEM, anyways back to to the point this fic again is just flawless execution by the writer like absolutely love it

every time we stop talking (the universe starts screaming) by withmeornotatall - emotional destruction and I absolutely love it, divorce era 2.0 and it HITS

Home is where it hurts- by rileyblue2001 - can you tell I hate the Buckley parents because I HATE the Buckley parents

The one with the return of the sex addiction by buddiefication (pumpkincreamcoldbrew) - I’ve reccomended so much angst so have a funny little light hearted buddie fic with the father bobby vibes we all love❤️❤️

Okay back to the angst tho 😭😭- out of ashes by Ashavahishta - AHHHHHHH THIS FIC JUST AHHHHH STOP THE WAY I WOULD DIE FOR A FOLLOW UP FIC TO THIS AHHHH I LOVE IT SM AND ITS LEGIT A ONE SHOT I CRIED SO HARD

Falling Slowly; Sing Your Melody (I’ll Sing It Loud) by Princessfbi ( @princessfbi on here who I also love sm of their fics so highly suggest just going on their page and looking through all the fics) - absolutely love it, legit gave me brain rot and got me obsessed for a GOOD while

I'm comin' back, don't let me go by wikiangela ( @wikiangela on here also love love their fics again so check them out but this one is probably my favourite of theirs)

Okay this is looking more and more like a uni reading list so I’m gonna shut up now but I hope you enjoy these fics and that a few of them emotionally damage you like they did me because I love to spread the joy (see: pain and suffering) 🫶🫶

[clemnchai]

Dealer! Ellie headcannon’s ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

dealer! ellie who’s your polar opposite. everyone was surprised when you two first came out. you’re sweet as honey and shy— outfits always a littlee skimpy. and ellie was… ellie. she loves it tho. loves having arm candy ♡

dealer! ellie who gets genuinely offended when you try to roll your own joints or even smoke without her. she’s such a baby about it. “what the fuck? where’d you get this shit from?” she picks up the tiny baggy with aggravation on her face. “well… you were busy els— and i’ve been stressed! y’cant be mad at me because you neglected me” you say with a small pout. “neglect—? ok ok. you’re not smoking this shit, man. how about this, i roll you a joint with my good shit and we can watch hello kitty island adventure—whatever the fuck and chill, kay?” safe to say ellie takes the ‘pretty girl’ discount seriously ♡

dealer! ellie who always rolls your joints in strawberry papers and bags your weed in cute baggies w hearts ♡

dealer! ellie who called you princess in a teasing way at first but it just…. stuck. ♡

dealer! ellie only lets you do her make up while she’s high as a kite. so now you’re here sitting on her lap putting mascara and eyeliner on her pretty red eyes. “els, stop moving. i’ll mess up” you stop and sit back to look at her while she smokes the last of her joint. “you’re lucky m’ letting you do this— how long does this take again? is this why you take so long to get ready?” you rolled your eyes as she rambled and she playfully pinches ur waist and smoothes her hand over. “done! “ you hand her a small mirror to look at your work. “cute. my lil’ picasso.” leaning in to give you a wet smooch that you dodge. “no kisses, you’ll ruin my work.” she huffs and sits up to effortlessly flip you over so she’s on top of you. you let out a girly squeal at the sudden change in position. “fuck that.” she says n’ then gives you wet, exaggerated kisses all over your pretty, giggly face ♡

dealer! ellie who does things because she knows it makes you nervous. she’ll take your cheeks in between her fingers and shotgun kiss you during the smoke sesh and chuckle at how you look at her w doe eyes:( or she’ll tease you in public— moving her hand a little too close to the warmth in between your thighs and pulling away when she hears your breath stutter. she can be so mean:( ♡

dealer! ellie who listens to 90s rap and r&b. also cannot fuck you without some r&b in the background. “sets the mood” she says. ♡

dealer! ellie who passes you the joint when fucking you:( “yea— yea. shit. you look so fucking good.” she pulls the joints from her mouth and blows the smoke away from your face. the way you cream around her strap makes her head fuzzier than weed could ever. “here— open up bun” she places the joint in between you lips and stares as you inhale— and eventually pull back to turn your head up to exhale. “mmh.” she gives a validating hum and smacks your ass— completely discarding the joint to kiss your red, pouty lips ♡

dealer! ellie who makes stupid jokes and conspiracies while high. “dude…. what do you think would happen if everyone farted at the exact same time. what if the world like— fuckin’— exploded or something.” “ellie.. what?” you cant contain your giggles at the auburn haired girls question. “what?? it’s a genuine question. what if all of our farts created a nuclear bomb. that’s kinda… scary. now i’m getting scared.” she said seriously— as if the made up situation could ever happen. “ellie.. that will never happen and i’m pretty sure your farts alone could create a nuclear bomb.” you joked back and giggled at her offended face. “okay…. you got me.” she’s so silly😭

dealer! ellie who only downloads social media so you can send her memes and things that remind you of her. her only instagram pics are scenery pics and pictures of you ♡

dealer! ellie who loves ass. that’s it. especially loves when you wear short skirts so when you bend down she can see your cute pink panties. sometimes she’ll pull your panties to the side and eat your pussy from the back till your knees are weak:( ♡

dealer! ellie who just loves her girl soo much!! you’ll often catch her staring at you and you get so shy— but all she’s thinking about is how lucky she is to have such a sweet girl like you belong to her and her only ♡

- ˚ʚ♡a ɞ˚

[moonspirit]

Hi! I'm the same Anon who asked about the hypothetical situation of Annie NOT crystalising herself and the other possible set of events occurring. I read your thoughts and I honestly never even thought about another Kenny and Annie reunion and just.. talking, quite interesting! (Not to mention Pam's own idea that they wrote - I like it!) Including another mentioning a fic where Annie sees her Dad as a Titan during the second Colossal Titan attack and.. I may had a pretty devious idea. So, let's say Annie did in some way join the Scouts (or just is betraying the Warriors,) so during the mission to retake Shinganshina and there's the scene where Zeke & the mindless Titan's appear, what if one of those mindless creatures was her Dad? (This next part, I'm somewhat iffy since it really feels I mis-characterised her since I tend to mess up, so my apologies!) I'm not sure HOW it could play out then, maybe Annie in some desperate attempt to hold her Dad down so it's not mauled by Levi or Zeke. Though, one thing is clear, she sees the Colossal Titan going down and realises that in some selfish way.. she could bring her Dad back, it'll be a curse he'll bare too but at least she'll see him. And oh.. That's Armin. Completely charred, yet still breathing. With the Scouts debating whenever to save Erwin or Armin. This is all I have before I genuinely write more nonsense, I appreciate taking your time to answer my previous question. Please, have a lovely day! (AND I'M SO SORRY FOR HOW WORDY THIS IS)

Oohhhh hello again anon! I'm honestly so relieved you saw my answer because you sent me the ask on sept 19th and... I took nearly a month to answer - very sorry T^T But I enjoyed it so much and yes, the variety of thoughts on it have been incredibly interesting!

Some quick things first tho 1. you don't have to apologise for a long-ask, they are genuinely enjoyable xD 2. I don't think there's such a thing as mis-characterization especially when we talk about a completely new what-if scenario because there's soooooo many little things influencing a person's thoughts and actions and the resultant outcomes. So nope, there are only headcanons, they are all valid, and you don't need to worry about anything else :>

Now to your ask!

🙃

How dare you now bring THREE contenders for the serum with Annie in the mess? Erwin, I don't see her caring for, but now it's Armin vs. her Dad?

What in the gut-wrenching angst is this, holy shit anon 🥲

But no, genuinely I don't think Annie trying to protect her father from Levi's attacks is out of character for her. That is her DAD. She may have joined the Scouts as you say, but maybe that's because it's her best chance for survival. Betraying the warriors isn't Annie's concern, it's betraying her dad. At any cost, even by joining the scouts, she must return to him.

Only, she probably didn't expect to see him in Paradis, and as a titan no less.

Of course she's abandoning everything else (let's say she doesn't know of Armin's plan) and rushing to protect her father and get him out of the line of fire - perhaps by taking him down in her titan form and dragging him to safety, using her scream to summon other pure titans to whoever is attacking and using the time to do so.

(wait... now I suddenly have the mental picture of Annie and Zeke engaging in a screaming match 🥲)

Her sudden switch in priorities isn't likely to bode well with the others, especially when so much is happening and the Scouts find themselves in a dangerously cornered pinch.

Annie's very good at analyzing a situation and quickly making problem-solving decisions, given two options, she chooses the one in which she has a greater chance of survival (yet sometimes she also willingly walks in to dead ends thanks to her heart, but that's canon). Like leaving Marco on the roof vs saving him, but now..... now we have an extreme situation.

Say she thought immediately crosses her mind - of feeding her father the colossal once she learns it's been taken down. She may not have become attached to Bertholdt as much as she considered him a companion in their mission and someone from home, but he's still... a companion. A fellow warrior.

How do you feed such a person to your father?

And then of course:

That's Armin. Completely charred, yet still breathing.

How do you save your father at the cost of losing the one boy who makes your heart beat faster than the wind?

The one boy you swore you'd protect, as long as you wore the wings of freedom by his side.

The one boy who's looked you in the eyes and said I love you.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

[isa-ghost]

returned to ask for the chayanne and phil headcanons

[reverb] CHAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE

qPhil headcanons masterlist

DO NOT FORGET CHAYANNE'S ROOTS OF STANDING ON THE VERY EDGE OF THE WALL DAY 1. This little motherfucker unlimited lives to give his papa a heart attack!! It is his fucking pleasure to be a menace!!

I've ranted about this before (can't find my post abt it) but PHIL DOESN'T REALIZE THE THINGS HE'S TEACHING HIS SON ARE UNHEALTHY FLAWS. THE BEING STRONG ALL THE TIME AND PROTECTING EVERYONE ALWAYS AND WHATNOT. HE DOESN'T REALIZE HOW DAMAGING IT CAN BE. STOP BAD DAD TRUTHING HIM, HE'S PASSING ON WHAT HE THINKS IS RIGHT BECAUSE THAT IDIOT EXISTS THAT WAY HIMSELF. GOD. THEY BOTH NEED THERAPY.

Chayanne is in kahoots with Lullah to convince Phil to do a hardcore project level build someday

They love sparring with each other so much. Phil loves giving his son tips and seeing him rapidly catch on & improve and Chayanne loves to see his dad in his element and thriving

Crow brain says Oh It's Orange? Okay, Gift For Chayanne Yesyes

Chayanne is the king of well-timed Orange Justices and they always crack Phil up

Phil has no idea but Chayanne is trying so hard to set things up so Missa has a perfect and uninterrupted opportunity to confess his feelings. Chayanne's happy regardless of if they stay platonic or go romantic but he at least wants his papa to get the chance to communicate with his dad

Sometimes Chayanne misses 1 on 1 time with Phil. It's nothing against Lullah (she actually Also desires 1 on 1 dad time), he just aches for the nostalgia of the early days. Phil taking him places and teaching him how to survive, the pleasant quiet and less tension. It's easier on Phil when he isn't watching two kids

The only reason Phil eats 3 square meals a day consistently is bc Chayanne exists. Btw Chayanne also loves making him snacks

He thrives on asking Phil wildly out of pocket questions. Like "where do babies come from" but more creative, less overdone. "What happens when we die?" type shit, things that make Phil do a double take and have a mini crisis

Chayanne wants to play irl fruit ninja with Phil but Phil hasn't been convinced to try it yet. (It IS working slowly tho)

Phil's lame dad jokes don't always kill Chayanne like they do Lullah so sometimes he resorts to low blows: Little German Boy memes

Sometimes Phil gets chased around the house with a spatula bc he's being a little shit or a self-deprecating idiot while Chayanne so happens to be cooking

They do something special together on Techno's birthday to honor him. There's no set activity/event they do, it's just whatever feels right and most genuine at the time. Chayanne always makes a big potato-based dish to offer on a little ofrenda though

They're both kinda playing the I Pretend I Do Not See It game with the whole,, Chayanne fighting Phil (EK) thing. "Ah yes you were fighting Ender King physically, not at all him in my body, I wasn't involved at all, you weren't hurting your dad's body and I wasn't trying to kill my son not at all haha yep, neither of us are at all fucked up about it what do you mean" 🥚🐤 🤝🏻 😁🐦‍⬛

[facewithoutheart]

Ten Questions for Writers

Thanks for the tags @shrekgogurt, @artsyunderstudy, @youarenevertooold, & @roomwithanopenfire I’m enjoying all this navel-gazing a whole bunch actually & I’ve done this before but it’s been awhile… sooo

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 169 (niiiice)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? ~950k (yikes) although some of that is Birthday Man and collabs with people from WIP fest. Don’t ask me to do the math tho; that’s mean.

3. What fandoms do you write for? I’ve written for HP, Check Please, and RWRB although right now I’m mostly a CO writer with a toe dipping into 9-1-1. I have one Captain America fic posted and some WIPs I don’t know if I’ll finish. Nobody look at that AFTG fic; it’s pure crack.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Whoo boy do I have thoughts here. I want to be the kind of writer who replies to comments and I harbor so much guilt that I’m not; I know I miss out on opportunities to connect with readers, and I genuinely appreciate comments so much; I hoard them in my inbox like a greedy lil affirmation dragon. I write to engage and connect. So, like, I know I should but at the same time I hate forcing interactions. I like them to spawn organically. I keep my circle small because I get really emotionally overwhelmed and then I feel guilty when I can’t give people what they deserve. And I’ve also never been comfortable with compliments or gratitude, I don’t trust them. So here’s a bulk of emotional trauma no one asked for to say: I don’t reply to comments as often as I feel I should and I’m trying to release the guilt I feel about this while also recognizing that not commenting probably has a direct negative affect on my ability to meet my goal of connecting through writing and at the same time my mental health probably couldn’t withstand the pressure I would need to place on it to get to where I’m replying to comments regularly. Hi I’m a mess who’s trying to love herself and often falls short of that goal; aren’t we all?

5. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No.

6. Have you ever co-written a fic before? So many actually! I didn’t think I’d ever get to a place where I trust someone else to the level this would take but I’ve been really lucky to work with some amazing writers even if not all of those works went anywhere. I actually don’t even think I could realistically tag all the people I’ve collabed with bc I’m afraid I’ll miss someone and isn’t that amazing? Personal growth; we love to see her.

7. What’s your all-time favorite ship? Oh man. I want to just be lame and say it’s me and Mr. Face 🤣 I shipped us when no one else did. Um! Snowbaz is always going to have a special place in my heart, but I’m really leaning into Buddie right now because of age and wanting to explore people in their 30’s still figuring out their lives while battling PTSD and late-in-life sexuality realizations. For, um. Reasons.

8. What are your writing strengths? I do like my dialogue a lot; dialogue is often where I start my scenes and I develop from there. I think I’ve done a good job of honing my ability to vary action/dialogue/internality a lot. I also think I keep people engaged or maybe I just keep myself engaged which is good enough for me. Sometimes I’m funny although sadly not as much recently.

9. What are your writing weaknesses? I struggle with remembering to add in physical descriptors. (Like oh shit have I ever mentioned this character has eyes?) Logistics are a frequent source of pain. (Wait, where were their hands?) I think my plots are kind of basic and boring; I don’t come up with really vivid and detailed concepts. I use the wrong words for things. I really hate detailing out backstory. I have to reread my fics a million times to maintain character consistency. Etc.

10. First fandom you wrote for? Hey Arnold. I wish I could find those fics; I bet they suck.

Tagging 10 peeps @sillyunicorn @mostlymaudlin @martsonmars @bookish-bogwitch @cutestkilla @ivelovedhimthroughworse @thewholelemon @palimpsessed @aristocratic-otter & @you-remind-me-of-the-babe