lili-of-the-wildfire

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

This latest commission of Gwyn and Azriel fnally getting some restful sleep done by the amazing lucielart is for you, my gwynriel fam. I know those last days have been hard so I hope this brings happiness to you all! ❤️

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

MELOS (PART THREE)

main masterlist / Azriel's masterlist

Part two here / Melos masterlist Azriel/female reader - 6.6k words - AO3 Tags - 18+ mdni, explicit content, hurt/comfort, caretaking, possessive behavior, usual warning for Azriel's self loathing. Brief suicidal ideation. Azriel willing to rip anyone to shreds for threatening his mate, complicated IC dynamics, Amren sucks. Oral sex - fem receiving, little bit of edging, Dom/sub undertones, praise kink. canon compliant.

Fear.

It slams into him, shakes the bond so violently he almost drops out of the sky, forces him off course over the jagged peak of Illyria, urging him to follow the intensity of your panic towards Velaris. Gone is his assignment, his contact awaiting his visit, his work. One objective rises above it all.

You. 

The Palace of Bone and Salt is in shambles, but he hardly notices. Somewhere it registers in the back of his mind there’s been a quake, there are injuries, damage, but none of it matters.

The only thing that matters is his mate in front of him, trembling, eyes wide and glazed over, blood trickling down your face and blooming across your ribs. There’s a roaring sound between his ears, dread and rage and agony all compounding into a mounting explosion, and for a moment, he worries he might level the city for its crime of harming you.

Feyre is tense, and Cassian watches him warily. “What happened?”

“We found her under there,” he points to a dilapidated merchant’s stall, his stomach roiling at the sight of it, heavy stone counter cracked in half, wood and glass scattered across the ground, “protecting a little girl. We think she’s in shock.”

Not shock. Trapped in memories.

There’s a haunted look in your eye, a flicker of nightmares.

His brave girl. 

He holds himself at bay, holds himself back from shooting into the sky with you cradled to his chest, carrying you as fast as the wind will allow to Madja, or pulling you into a cloud of shadow so he can arrive uninvited in her living room.

“She needs a healer.” His jaw has never been clenched so tight. The smell of your blood is making him sick.

“We know,” Feyre tries to reassure him, but at the same time angles her body to block his path. Cassian shakes his head, because he knows, just as Feyre should, standing between a male and his mate is a very bad idea. He loves Feyre, but his affection for her is nothing compared to what he feels for you, and her behavior in this moment, is reckless. “Az,” she tries to caution him, tone pitching low, serious, “maybe you should back-“

Remove her, the shadows snap, she is in our way.

“You need a healer.” He pretends she doesn’t exist, pushes his anger as far away as he can manage, and addresses you instead. You shake your head.

“I need to go. Home. I need to go… home.” Cassian snorts. Azriel wonders if it’s possible to break his jaw in one punch.

You’re slipping, unsteady on your feet, going somewhere in your mind he cannot follow and his panic ratches upward as he says your name and you don’t respond.

“Feyre,” Cassian murmurs, “step back.” She stiffens, but listens, and he surges forward, unable to keep away any longer.

His heart sings as he cups your cheek. It’s the first time he’s touched you since his hands brought you harm, and he chokes on a breath as you lean into his touch, satin against scars. “Look at me,” he soothes, trying to draw you back to the present, but it’s a losing battle. You’re going to pass out, and you’re scared, he can read it all so clearly, scared to slip away in the dark, scared to succumb to the nightmare in your mind. “It’s okay.” I’m here, he wants to scream, you’re not alone. You fist his shirt and blink like you’re trying to clear the fog from your head, but it’s not enough.

In one moment, you’re here, you’re with him.

And in the next, you’re collapsing in his arms.

Time is so fickle.

There’s not enough of it now. For so long, his existence was a plague, an endless agony rife with shame, a life undeserving. He dreamt, multiple times, of falling out of the sky and into the Sidra, sinking to the bottom and letting the cold water fill his lungs. He never wanted more, not truly. He had no need for time.

Now, it’s all he wants. More time for more chances to tell you how sorry he is and kneel at your feet, beg you for forgiveness. More time to know you. To love you. Time to learn your likes and dislikes, what makes your nose wrinkle, what adds a skip to your step. Time to take you flying, to trek through the forest with you on an endless scavenger hunt, watch as you bite your lip and furrow your brow at Moonflower’s worktable.

If the Mother would give him another chance. 

If you would.

Time is fickle, because for months, he’s begged it to slow down, and now, he’s pleading with it to speed up, bring him to the moment where you wake.

Madja assured him you would make a full recovery within a day or two. She left a healing salve for the gash in your side, and some sleeping draught in case you were too uncomfortable to rest. You were exhausted, she told him, far weaker than she was comfortable with, body and magic wrung dry.

“Try to get her to eat something,” she said, “and then make sure she sleeps. She needs it. A lot of it.” 

The guilt is insurmountable. It chews away at his insides, burrows itself deep beneath his skin like a disease, rotting his flesh and mind. All he sees is your face, terrified, tormented, first in his dungeon and again, in the Palace. He sees you shuddering amongst the ruin, eyes rolling back in your head, collapsing in his arms. He can still hear your gasps, your pleas from that night, the steady thump of your heart slowing as he took your air, again and again. It’s these memories, these moments igniting in his chest, pain so visceral it aches, the agony of his mate’s suffering tearing him apart from the inside out. No matter the end of his story, of yours, there will always be this cordolium within him, this stark regret plaguing his every step. You’re so beautiful it possesses the power to break him, a strange, beautiful creature, breathtaking from the tip of your nose to the depths of your mind, and he’s a monster, lurking in your nightmares.

A beauty, and a beast.

You whimper and twitch in the blankets, hands fisted, limbs stiff. “Shhh,” he strokes the apple of your cheek. He's been able to settle you somehow, lull you back to peace thanks to the music spinning between your soul and his, threads knitting around the frail, fledging bond, pushing you to take comfort in him as you rest. It's more than he could ever ask for. “You’re okay, sweet girl. You’re safe.” Your sleep has been fitful, at best, and he wonders if he’s the one haunting you, or something else.

He's still in the chair beside the bed when you begin to blink groggily, trying to get a grip on your surroundings. You’re clouded with confusion, echoes of apprehension strumming down the bond, and he meets it, tempering it with reassurance in hope it reaches the other side. “Hey,” he murmurs, holding perfectly still like you’re a small animal and he’s the predator determined not to spook you as you push up onto your elbows with a groan. “Careful. The wound in your side is pretty raw.”

“Where am I?” you croak, and he reaches for the glass of water waiting on the table.

“My house. I didn’t think you’d take kindly to me breaking into yours.” Mostly true. He can’t deny there’s a warm hum of satisfaction purring in his chest at having you here, in his bed, safe within his walls, and he was too unsettled by the thought of bringing you to the River House, or the House of Wind, even though Feyre tried to insist.

Over the course of his life, Azriel’s loyalty, his dedication to his family, his court, has been instinctual, engrained in him down to the core, and his drive to protect his loved ones, Velaris, has been one of his defining features for centuries.

But this instinct has now shifted to you, and you are still an unknown to his High Lord.

“You brought me to your house…” You glance around, unsure. He knows how it seems. A venomous trap laid by him to ensnare you, to hold you here, by his side, forever. A way to feed poison into your veins, stun you, paralyze you, so he can steal you away, shield you from the world.

“You needed a healer, and rest. This was the logical option." You hold his gaze. It’s one of those instances, one of many, where there’s nothing else but you and him, nothing else that matters, nothing that even comes close. He wishes they could last forever. “I had to make sure you’re okay.” He braces for your wrath, the tart, sweet contrast of a raspberry, pinching the pockets of his cheeks and rolling across his tongue. He had a taste of it in the Middle, with the swamp, and now he craves it. Your fight, your cunning. Clever witchling. 

Your expression sours at the salve. “How bad is it?”

“A piece of marble crushed your ribs, and the jagged edge ripped your skin open. Madja says you’ll be healed in a day, but your body is exhausted and slowing the process. She left a sleep tonic, if you need it.” He murmurs, walking the line of too much and too little delicately, desperate to avoid crushing this fragile truce.

You shift, wincing, small yelp slipping free from between your teeth, and he stills you, brushing his hand along your arm before he can stop himself. “Easy.” The touch is electric, a live wire arcing through the room, crackling in the air, and he draws away out of fear, worry he’ll startle you. “We should get you home,” he says softly, and you nod. He won’t try to force it, push this farther. You won’t be comfortable here, and he’s cradling this burgeoning peace, fanning its flame, encouraging it to grow, trying to keep from ruining it. Working at something he's not sure he can achieve. 

“Yeah I… I think that’s a good idea.” You sit up slowly, leaning to one side to alleviate the pressure on your ribs. “How far is it? To my house?” He frowns.

“Far. We’re on the other side of the city. Do you think you can winnow?”

“I don’t know.” You try to wriggle closer to the side of the bed, but it’s fleeting, and your shoulders slump with defeat.

“I can take you, if you’d like.” You glance at his wings.  

“With those?”

“No, I wouldn’t fly with you in this cold.”

“With the shadows then.” You look down at your lap, and the weight of his choices crash like a wave upon his shoulders. The last time he took you through shadow, it was to the chamber, and then back. He swallows.

“It’s the quickest way.” You fix your gaze across the room, sweeping over his dresser, the nook lined with bookshelves and overstuffed velvet chairs, the chest of weapons on the opposite side. Charcoal grey drapes frame the floor to ceiling windows, aquamarine and citrine refracting through the stained-glass onto the deep, nearly black, green walls and polished wide plank wood floors.

“This is your room.” Your fingertips glide across the sheets, black satin, and his cheeks grow hot. 

“Yes.”

“It fits you.” Your lips tilt into the thinnest crescent moon, something akin to a tiny smile, and optimism soars in his heart.

You hold out your hand, the tattoo a mirror to his, the ink and magic of salvation, his contrition, the thing he now bows to, idolatrously.

Without it, he’d be lost.

You take a long, deep breath and uncurl your fingers, opening your palm. The small sliver of trust knocking his entire existence askew.

The meaning of this-

This trust you deign to place in him now, when you’re vulnerable, when your magic is feeble and your physical strength is sapped, is an infinitesimal gift, divinity defying all.

Unworthy. Another thing you’re giving him that he’s unworthy of.

The threads sing, weaving notes together, highs and lows, one side of a fugue, one side still waiting.

Your throat bobs with a swallow, and you graze your fingertips against his. “You’ll take me home then?”

He’s not sure he can leave you here.

She’s in pain, the shadows bemoan as they carefully flutter at your ankles. You’re too fatigued to notice, too busy contemplating the stairs with trepidation. Climbing them is a daunting task, one he fears you may fail. You’re hurting, completely exhausted, and he’s powerless. He can’t fix it or take it away, like everything else that’s happened. Your eyes are nearly dead, drained, and the shadows flitter around you anxiously. She cannot hold herself up. 

I know.                                                                   

“Can I help you up the stairs?” You shake your head vehemently, and like you’re trying to prove something, attempt to take the first step on shaky legs, gripping tight to the banister like it will keep you steady.

Your knees give out immediately, and his self-restraint vanishes. He lifts you into his arms, cradling you against his chest, petrichor and oakmoss flooding his senses, and you don't even flinch. “I’ve got you,” he murmurs, “let me help.”

“I’m tired,” you whisper, voice smaller than he’s ever heard, and he tightens his hold.

“I know. Let’s get you into bed, alright?” Weak limbed and limp, you slump against him, giving yourself over. More trust, more of these things he does not deserve. 

“Madja said your bandage won’t need to be changed before you’re healed, so you won’t have to worry about that tomorrow.” He carefully guides you back against your pillows, trying to ignore how caring for you, holding you, being here with you ignites a swath of feelings in him, possessiveness, protective instincts, obsession. Devotion. The rage, the hatred, the darkness haunting him slips into silence, drowned out by the music, the melody overtaking all.

“Okay,” you mumble, trailing off into a yawn as you squint at him. He wants to stay right here, sitting on the edge of your bed, his hip against your thigh, the neutral, barely there contact chasing off the stygian sullenness waiting to welcome him back to its embrace.

Don’t push it. 

He stands. You follow the movement, head tipping back, exposing your throat. Such a vulnerable place, one he greatly wants to drag his lips across. “I’ll let you sleep.” He says instead, stifling the pleasure surging in his blood at the way your eyes track him. He swears he seems a flicker of sadness there, but it’s gone before he can truly process it, hold on it, commit it to memory. When you don’t say anything else, he nods, drawing a sable shroud around his shoulders, readying to step into-

“Azriel,” he freezes, catching your gaze, “thank you.”

“Of course.” He’d do anything for you, little witch. Anything you asked. 

“I’ll see you next week?” There’s a tinge of trepidation on your tongue but it’s not fear. It’s uncertainty. His lips lift into a smile, a genuine one, one that only exists around you.

“Next week.”

He’s summoned almost immediately, and arrives in Rhys’ office to find an audience of his brother and Feyre, Amren, Cassian. The only one missing is Mor.

He quiets himself. Hides everything inside, pulls the shadows close, reinforces the walls around his mind. “What is it?”

“What is it?” Rhys hisses, anger flashing through the room’s thickened fog of magic. “What is it?” Azriel slips into the mask, the one he perfected long ago, and crosses his arms. A mirror image of the father he hated.

“Your mate is a witch.” He looks to Cassian, who shakes his head. He didn’t do it, didn’t betray the secret, this turbulent reality.

It was bad enough they discovered he had a mate in the first place, but disappearing for two weeks, without communication, has its consequences, and he has a hard time denying Feyre anything. When she asked where he had been, what had caused him to leave so suddenly without word, everything came out.

Almost everything. 

“She’s not a witch, her mother was.”

“So she’s only half a witch,” Amren says drily, rolling her eyes. The shadows rumble, rankle with rage. 

“I could smell it, Az, but she’s done nothing wrong. We don’t want to interrogate her.” Feyre looks at him with sympathy, and he only regards her with that same cool stare. Rhys who appears to be of a different mind, snarls at him.

“You will bring her to me, immediately, and I will determine what kind of-“

“No. She is none of your concern.” He will not play this game. He will not give Rhys a single second with you, if this is his intention.

“She is a witch, living in my Court!”

“And do you not trust my ability to evaluate a threat?” It takes everything, everything he has, to keep his tone measured. Cassian’s eyes dart between the two of them and then clears his throat.

“He tortured her, Rhys.”

“I don’t care,” he snaps, “he is blinded by a mating bond.” He turns his attention back to Azriel, raw power crackling through the air between them. “You will bring her to me, or I will retrieve her myself, and you will not like what happens if I do.”

The room explodes in shadow. Midnight closes in from all sides, climbing the walls, crawling across the floor.

The bond thirsts for battle and blood, for his brother’s head, and Azriel’s vision tunnels, soaked in crimson, in wrath, malevolence worthy of a smote god.

Amren stands. Cassian takes a step forward.

“You would threaten my mate? Is this what we’ve come to?” He’s descended past reason now, encased in an icy coffin of fury, and his siphons gleam, the killing power inside him salivating at the potential for violence. For destruction.

His people are monsters, and so shall he be. 

To protect you, to protect his mate, he’d become anything, a brute, a nightmare, it makes no difference.

“Az, let’s-“

“Cassian.” He seethes, refusing to take his eyes from Rhys, “while you may be more amenable to how your mate is treated by our brother, I am not.” Guilt flashes in Rhys’ gaze, and a breath catches in Feyre’s throat with a small, strangled sound.

“This is ridiculous. Just bring the girl and be done with it.” Amren snorts, casually inspecting her fingernails to appear as if she’s unaffected, but Azriel knows better. The shadows know her heart, her truths, how she mourns the loss of what she once was, how she loathes the fact that she’s High Fae. How she’s all too aware of her weakened state, hiding behind her posturing and assumed infinite wisdom that's slowly becoming irrelevant. Like her.

“Amren. Shut up.” Cassian bites out, his siphons casting a rubied glow around the room, mixing with Azriel’s cobalt blue, painting them together into deep purple hues.

“You will never touch my mate, Rhys. Never.” His brother’s face sparks with surprise and then his lip curls.

“Or what?”

“Rhys!” Feyre whips towards him, horror and disappointment settled into the furrow of her brow. “This is enough.” She looks at Azriel. “We trust your judgement Az, of course we do, and Rhys forgets I met her in the Palace saving a child’s life.” She hisses, her own power pulsing between the brothers, creating a physical barrier.

It’s not wrapped tight to Azriel, but to Rhys.

It seems his brother has been outranked.

We can break it, the shadows croon.

No. 

This is his family, dysfunctional as it may be, as tumultuous it may be, they are still his.

Rhys is still his brother. His High Lord.

“Let’s take a breath, cool off.” Feyre coaxes, nudging at the fortress of Azriel’s mind. Go. I will speak to him.

Don’t bother. 

He will listen to reason, just… give it some time. 

He spares Rhys one more glance as his wings flex and shakes his head. “I am disappointed in you, brother. I had hoped by now you would have learned from your mistakes.”

He expects another challenge of some sort. “No swamp today?”

“No swamp.” You lead him to your workspace in the back of Moonflower, a light, airy space with shelves and shelves full of herbs, flowers, plants growing from glass jars, and hunk of rocks, precious metals, strips of steel haphazardly tucked beside them, all chaotic, all disorganized. Like your home, it’s fitting. “I figured you could hang out with me while I work.” It’s a trial in its own way, daring him to protest, to vanish, to be bored by you, disinterested.

He won’t. He’d never.

“What are you making?” The table is full of stuff. Books, a mortar and pestle, a brass scale. There’s a long, sharp knife next to a thick stalk of something purple that smells like lemon, flanked by two glass beakers, and a heaping pile of salt. A raised metal circle holds a sphere over open flame, its contents a cyan rich liquid just on the cusp of a boil.

“Today I’m trying to finish a batch of contraceptive tea, and a cleanser.”

“A cleanser?”

“It’s an elixir that pulls poison from the body. All the healers in Velaris keep it stocked. Works well for a hangover too.” You bless him with another smile, the second one today, and he tucks it away for when sleep struggles to come and he needs something to cling to.

You pin him with assessing eyes. Anything could roll from your tongue, a question, a request to fulfill the bargain, a demand to never see him again, and the precipice is agony. He wonders if this is how it would be to fall without wings, drop out of the sky and plummet towards the mountains, jump from a cliff and crash into the sea. Would his heart pound the same, lungs scream the same? Would he experience peace, the same he feels in your presence, would his past flash before his eyes, would his family, or you? Conflict shivers from behind your walls towards him, twisting through the bond. “You owe me an explanation, and while I… I do need to hear it, desperately... there are other things that weigh on me. The fact that you know well enough about me but I know very little about you." You draw a pattern through the heap of salt, suddenly distant. It passes, and you blow out a long breath. "Azriel… who are you?” He frowns.

“I am… the Shadowsinger, the Spymaster, I’m-“

“No. What are you, if not those things, the Shadowsinger, the Spymaster. Who are you?”

“I…” the answer doesn’t come and there’s suddenly a nest of cotton muffling sound and thought, spinning tangled webs throughout his brain. Who is he? 

“I'm clever,” you lift your nose and smirk, tracing the rim of the glass beaker to make low whistle tones, “and a friend. I make a very good honeysuckle whiskey cocktail, and I love to read. I’m a hunter too, of fungi and moss, the occasional crystal. I'm an alchemist, I balance nature and magic. I’m a daughter.” Your voice hitches on the last word, vowels pulled apart at the edges, longing lingering on your lips. It pains you. Another puzzle in the long list of surprises, another riddle you’ve posed without an answer, a truth he struggles to find. “Try,” you whisper, ever watchful.

“I’m a bastard.” It’s the first thing that comes to mind, the stain upon his life since the day he was born. “And an Illyrian,” a brute, a monster, “I’m exceptionally skilled at causing pain and killing. I am warrior, a fighter. I have turned suffering into art. I am…” he doesn’t look at you. You’re the only thing capable of making him feel real fear, fear of your pain or suffering or anguish, the fear of your rejection, the fear of your disgust, and he can’t bring himself to see it on your face. “I am alone.” He braces for the pity, the same sharp sympathy given to him by his family.

“Well. Those are awful.” His gaze snaps to yours. You’re aggravated, and curious.

Always curious, our girl. 

She is, isn’t she? 

“You’re a brother, aren’t you? And an uncle?” He nods. “So, not alone. And you’re a bastard, probably mocked for it, hurt for it, but here you are, so I imagine you’re perseverant, strong. Strong in the physical sense too.” You peek at his shoulders, his arms, traveling down his chest before redirecting your attention to his face, somewhat abashed. “U-um, you’re-“

“Clever. Like you.”  

“Clever, like me. Brave too, I think, and probably devoted, loyal, considering your line of work.”

“Yes,” he whispers, symphony rising, notes colliding with perfect pitch, ringing in ears, a celestial rhythm waiting for the crescendo to match.

“Loved.” It’s a blazing star shooting across the sky, a buttery sweet sentiment melting in his mouth, loved.

“You didn’t list it for yourself.”

“Because it didn’t belong.” Loved? You don’t consider yourself loved?

“Why?”

“Because there is no one left. I am a good friend, a great one, but my secret prevents others from being a good friend to me. You cannot be loved if you are not known, not truly.” It crashes into him, the severity of your words. You cannot be loved if you are not known, not truly. 

Is he known? Truly known? Is he loved? 

Molten silver bubbles over from the sphere to a beaker, polychrome and pearl trickling down the sides, sizzling into a powder at the bottom. “Ah!” You jerk away from the table, bringing your hand to your chest, and he goes cold, shadows vibrating.

“What?” He’s around the corner and in front of you immediately,  

“It’s nothing, the silver just dripped on me.” You burned yourself. His chest tightens. 

“Let me see.” He cradles your hand in his, shadows quivering around your fingertip as he pulls you over to the tap. He turns the handle to the right temperature, cool but not cold, before putting your blistered skin under the spigot. If he’s fast enough, he can stop it from scarring, stop it from marring your lovely skin, prevent it from being with you for the rest of your life. “How does that feel?”

“Good.” You’re not looking at the water splashing down into the copper sink, or the burn. Instead, you're studying him, contemplating, considering.

“Do you have any cream here? Or maybe one of the salves you make...” He trails off, trying to think about what he’s seen in the shop out front, but everything he means to ask dies in his throat when you wrap your other hand around his.

“I’m okay, Azriel.” Right. Of course you are. It’s a small burn, not even the width of your fingertip. Suddenly, he feels very, very foolish, exposed, and he ties a cloak of obsidian around his shoulders, pulling the tendrils down around his forearms.

“Sorry, I-“

“I know.” You caress the shadows curling around his elbow, dancing through them with grace, inspecting, studying. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” you whisper, and his throat tightens.

“There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing.” You shake your head.

“There is… there has to be because I should you hate you, shouldn’t I?”

“You should.” You should do more than hate him, you should fear him, detest him, run from him.

“But I don’t. I don’t hate you, I’m not scared, and I don’t think it’s the safety net of the bargain. I don’t… I don’t understand it. I’m not frightened of you, but I am… I’m frightened of this.” Your palm flattens over your heart. He should tell you; he should confess-

but then he could lose you. 

“I should tell you to leave, but all I want to tell you is you’re not alone.” He tries to dig his heels into the ground against the magnetism dragging him downward, farther and farther until he’s holding your face, nearly nose to nose, counting your breaths, each speck in your irises. Decision and indecision hums down the bond, an endless tug of war you fight, a battle he wants so badly to win for you. You push up onto your tiptoes- 

and then crash your lips to his. 

It’s hungry, lush, teeming with life like your beloved forest. You unknowingly push it all through the bond, desire, confusion, worry, each feeling a chord, a note, trying to complete the song. He’s losing himself in it, veering off the path and diving headfirst into the unknown, too incensed to think for a moment before he wrests his discipline back into place.

Stop.

Control.

He rests his forehead against yours as he draws a measured breath.

His. He’ll show you what it means. To be his.

“You are perfect,” he presses a ghostly kiss to the corner of your mouth, “brilliant, kind, brave. You are far more than I deserve, a blessing I never knew could exist. A goddess I would worship my entire life.” An endless pool of hesitance and longing eddies in your eyes, a paradox he knows too well, and he prepares to step away, disappear, run. 

But you reach for him with a whisper.

“Worship me then.”

Fervor. Frenzy. It all explodes, detonates through him to you, whipping down the bond again and again, madness ebbing at the edge of his mind.

His. His, his, his. 

The two of you collide, and he’s rough, unintentionally, but it’s met blow for blow in a distorted dance, hands, fingers, mouths everywhere, his tongue against yours. It’s not enough, your touch under his shirt, traveling up to his shoulders, a leisurely stroll becoming a hectic sprint, encouraging him, knitting your fingers in his hair, nipping at his jaw. He plucks the ribbon tying the neckline of your dress together, your breasts spilling out into his hands.

“Azriel,” you’re whimpering, rolling your hips against the thigh he’s nudged between your legs, shivering as drags his thumbs across your nipples and follows with his teeth, sharp for the sweet, “don’t tease.”

Wild one. 

The shadows sweep everything off the worktable, and he lays you back, hiking the skirt up over your belly, dragging soft kisses on your skin beneath your navel as he spreads your knees wide, wide enough to accommodate his shoulders, exposing a pair of black panties, weeping pussy waiting for him underneath.

He has no patience and twists his fingers in the hem, tearing the fabric away from your body. “Cauldron,” he murmurs, running his knuckles up and down your seam, enjoying how you shiver each time he teases a little pressure against your clit. “Look at you-  beautiful everywhere.” Dawn in a drizzle, your scent makes his mouth water, and his cock aches, painfully heavy. This is not about him, it’s about you, as all things are now.

He'll have plenty of time, he prays, plenty of time inside you, plenty of time to bury his cock in your slick, warm cunt. 

He kneels. Kneels at the altar, kneels for you. This is veneration, the cleansing of his soul. He’ll make himself worthy, through fire, through ash.

You, you, it’s all you. 

The bond is insatiable, it shrieks like a banshee in the night, his side slamming against yours again and again, hungry and hunting, trying to crash through the sky-high brambles blocking its path.

His. His. Hishishishis- 

“Azriel,” you whimper, practically vibrating, fidgeting on the table, fingers gripping the edge. You go taut as he pulls your thighs over his shoulders and leans in to finally put his mouth on you, tasting, flicking his tongue over your swollen pearl. He’s too broad between your knees, the width of him leaving you completely exposed, every nerve ending on display, every drop of dew ready for him to drink. The size difference is startling, pleasing, and he rumbles his approval into your cunt, tracing your clit with a pointed tongue.

He wants to make you come so badly, but the fiend in him wants to play. “Can you take a finger?” You manage to rasp out a yes, and he feeds you one, unable to look at away at how you clench around it, pressing up past the knuckle, making you sing for him. “That’s it,” he works slowly, pushing and pulling as you arch on the table, toes curling against his shoulder blades, digging into his flesh, “good girl.” You’re tight, tight enough a second finger fills you, tight enough you squeak a little when he kicks them upward, searching for the spot, the one likely to make to go limp.

“Az,” you tug at his hair, and he kisses your pussy, mouth soaked, almost drowning in silken sap, fresh rain, salted earth, the strange and beautiful taste of you.

“Just a bit more,” he finds the textured velvet space and strokes, pinning your hip to the table with his free hand. “There it is, be still,” he croons, pleased when you listen, stammering something like yes and please, panting between syllables. Your nails scratch against the wood, walls clutching his fingers as you writhe, greedy, insatiable, wild as nature intended you to be.

He circles your clit with his tongue and your knees instinctively try to jolt closed, but he shakes his head, correcting you, commanding or coaching, lines too blurred to tell the difference. “Keep your legs open, sweet girl, nice and wide for me so I can make you come.”

 “P-please, please.” Your spine arches and you grip the hand on your hip tight, rising to the crest of the wave he knows is about to crash down. He balances you there, just on the swell, pushing harder on the spot inside you, listening to the way your breath catches. “Ah, fuck, it’s t-too much-” you kick your feet and hiccup, head rolled to the side, eyes wide and brighter than the full moon, tears starting to gather on your lashes.

He'll eat you alive, lick you clean right to the bone, inhale you. Swallow you. Keep you inside himself forever, keep you safe and sheltered. Hidden away.  

“I know, I know,” he coos. Normally he’d make you wait, drag it out until you were a mess far past this while he edged you into madness, but now is not the right time, the right moment.

Still. His blood yearns for it. For your tears, for the way you’d cry as he bounced you on his cock, as his body buried yours into his mattress, as he split you open, fucked you full of his cum.

But for now, this will have to do.

“Poor thing. Does it ache, sweetheart? Do you need to come?”

“Y-yeah, I need it please… I need… I need you.” I need you. If this is all he gets, if this is all he’s earned and it crumbles afterwards, he’ll hold onto those words, treasuring them with his last breath. I need you. He kisses your thigh and then sweeps over your clit, licking and lapping, coaxing your release until you break apart, clapping a hand over your mouth to smother your strangled scream. He praises you- my good girl, look at you, did so well, so perfect- and wrings every last drop of it from your body, only rising from between your legs once you’ve stopped twitching.

Your face is slack, sloped in a small delirious smile, and he licks his fingers clean, kisses the inside of your knee. “Are you with me?”

“Mhmm.” You try to hop down and end up stumbling forward, face planting directly into his chest. His arms come around you on instinct, cupping the back of your head, cradling it, skimming his nose along your hair and breathing as deep as he can, filling his lungs with forest and fauna, fresh snow in the twilight of the first winters day.

Don’t let go, don’t.

Everything in him is warm, at peace. Idyllic.

Your hand creeps across his thigh. “I can…”

“No,” he pulls your fingers to his mouth and presses a kiss to each one, slowly, savoring, “not today.”  An easy smile spreads across his face at the sight of your blown pupils, swollen lips, but the bond thrums with confusion, unease.

“Do you not want me to…”

“I want to have you in any way conceivable, witchling,” he strokes your cheek, “but not here.” Your worktable is in shambles, and as if you forgot, you grimace and huff, pulling away. “I can help-“

“No, it’s fine.” The things scattered to each end begin to arrange themselves, finding their rightful places, glass beakers and molten silver, crushed bundles of herbs and finely ground powders all returning to how they were as if nothing ever happened, tinge of damp foliage and peeling birch rolling around you in a cloud.

“Neat trick.”

“It’s not a trick,” you protest, affronted, and his stomach drops.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-��� The side of your mouth quirks playfully, and he closes the gap, curls an arm around your waist as you place your palms on his chest, laughing. Just the brief sound of your happiness might kill him, stop his heart. He finds the curve of your ass instinctively and squeezes, kneads the flesh hard enough you suck in a sharp breath.

“Little brat.” He could take you right now. He wants to. Flip your dress up all over again and bend you over the table, pressing your cheek to the wood and kicking your legs open. You’d still be wet, wanting, pussy swollen and tight, milking his cock as he made you come on it until you couldn’t hold yourself up any longer.

Not now. 

This, whatever this is, this step forward, this rebuilding of what could have been, is fragile, so incredibly tenuous it terrifies him. A small light trying to swell in a sea of sombrous fog, fighting for a chance to shine.

Anything could snuff it out.

“Our next… meeting won’t be until the very end of next week.” The sun is setting over the city, bathing it in a spectrum of opalescence orange-gold streaked with violet, it’s beauty paling in comparison to the brilliance of yours.

“Why?”

“I’m travelling.”  A ripple of tension cascades along his spine. He planned other things for this conversation, hoped to broach the subject of the Solstice ball and ask you to accompany him, but now…

“Where?” The bond rumbles in apprehension, echoing from both sides, his wings rustling in response.

“Spring.” Absolutely not.

“No.” You glare at him.

“I wasn’t asking for your permission.”

“I’m aware.” He should soften his tone, tread carefully, but the monster inside, the one fused to the bond overrides sensibility, caution, showing his true colors. Brute. Bastard. Illyrian. 

“I-“

“I’ll go with you.” Balance. You sigh.

“I am fine on my own, Azriel.”

“I know.” But he’s not. “As you said earlier, I still owe you an explanation.” That gives you pause, your scrutiny harsh and piercing, more lethal than the fine point of a blade.

Finally, you acquiesce with a nod. “You do.”

“Let’s use that time for it then.” Please. He’s always pleading, digging a deeper hole, dragging himself across broken glass.

The bond is tightrope, one strung from his soul to yours. He tugs it towards his side, trying to drag yours from the vadon, flush your indecipherable thoughts free from the forest of your mind.

Eventually, your hard-bitten expression turns conciliatory and though you cross your arms in front of your chest, you bite out an agreement, teeth gnashed, defiance glittering in your gaze.

“Fine.”

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

ghost in the wind — part two

summary: after gaining some clarity on your position in the court, azriel takes you to see the city, but by the end of the day, he's left with more questions than he started with.

warnings: brief mentions of depression, sexual abuse and loneliness,

word count: 3.9k

series masterlist

In the three weeks that had passed, that familiar sinking feeling had begun to wedge its way deep into the pit of your stomach. You’d seen Nesta on a handful of occasions during that time. Mostly in passing, once when she dropped off more romance novels to your floor. 

Yes, floor. It seemed she didn’t want you sharing the level with her and Cassian, nor the level that you came to learn Azriel occupied just above you. 

It was suffocating you, the loneliness. The House appeared your only friend, and even that could only do so much to comfort and converse. You’d caught Cassian a few times in the mornings, when you were in the lounge reading by the fire, when he awoke to make breakfast and offered a terse nod just as Azriel did. 

Azriel. 

You hadn’t seen him at all since that night. Perhaps he was on a mission, perhaps not. It didn’t matter either way, he had no reason to see you, to seek you out. You weren’t friends, barely even acquaintances. You were a stranger living in his home. 

You had to keep reminding yourself of that.

But for how long? How long were you to be ignored, shunned as though you had a Godsforsaken plague? No, you needed to stop. You knew that wasn’t the case, no matter the nagging voice in the back of your head. 

Your gaze found your ring finger, the lack of the iron band making your stomach churn. You wondered what he was doing right now…looking for you? Or looking for another unfortunate soul he could force his body and mind upon? 

You shook your head, it wasn’t your problem anymore. And for once, you felt okay with being selfish. With putting yourself above him or a stranger. Though the thought still soured your mind. Hadn’t you been wishing all these years for someone to save you? No innocent soul deserved to endure the horrors you had by his hand. 

Just the thought of that endless pain had you standing abruptly from your position on your bed, wringing your fingers nervously. It was without proper thought that your feet carried you out of your room and down the hall, and you didn’t miss what felt like a gentle kiss of a breeze pushing you closer, encouraging you to go where you needed.

Though where you needed to go, you were unsure. You just needed to see someone, anyone. You couldn’t bear these thoughts any longer, couldn’t bear to feel like a prisoner anymore. 

You stopped dead in your tracks in the kitchen, noting Azriel sitting at the dining table with an apple in his hand. His eyes clocked yours, a brief flicker of surprise in his gaze. He pulled the fruit away from his parted lips. 

“Y/N,” he spoke, and his shadows skittered from his shoulders and slithered across the ground toward you. “I didn’t hear you coming.”

Your nostrils flared and it startled you. For years you’d been overcome with such sadness and heartache that you’d briefly forgotten what it had felt to feel anything else. Anger. That was what you felt now, a boiling rage that rooted in your gut—not at Azriel, not at Rafe or Nesta or anyone—no, you felt this anger at yourself for allowing your life to play the way it had, for allowing yourself to be so unseen and forgotten. 

I hadn’t seen you coming.

And you were so, so sick of it. 

“I’d like to see my cousin.” No please, no thank you, no desperate plea of an apology at the tip of your tongue that you had to shove down. No. You were done with being a ghost. With being nothing. 

Azriel quirked a brow, his shadows now resting on your own shoulders as they soothed your hair. He didn’t worry much about it, they often had a mind of their own around the people they sensed were calm and warm and familiar. 

But you weren’t familiar, and right now you weren’t calm and you weren’t warm. Now, you were angry, bubbling over with a whipping rage. His shadows weren’t with you out of comfort, his shadows were trying to calm you down. 

“Nesta is training with Cassian on the roof, I can get her for you—”

“No, not Nesta,” you cut him off. “Feyre, I want to speak with your High Lady and High Lord.”

Azriel’s heart would not stop racing, would not stop thumping so hard it threatened to tear through his chest. It wasn’t in fear, not at all. It was something entirely different, something so foreign he couldn’t understand, he couldn’t control. 

He didn’t dare take his eyes from you, from the way that previous anger dissipated into your usual aura of worry and grief. You were beautiful, more so in the Fae lands than in the mortal. As if the air in Prythian breathed new life into you, as if you’d always belonged here. 

Azriel remembered what you’d said. How everything felt clearer after stepping through that wall. He had suspicions, very far-fetched and precarious suspicions, but he kept them to himself and his shadows as he watched on. 

That icy rage crumbled to a simmering pot of exhaustion as Feyre and Rhysand strolled into the House of Wind, hand in hand. You hadn’t seen your youngest cousin in years, and motherhood—Faehood…it looked good on her. She was thriving and you could almost feel the love and security the High Lord oozed when he looked at her. 

“Y/N…” the High Lady breathed as she took you in. 

You looked much healthier than when she’d last seen you those few years ago. Your skin had begun to regain its colour, your body beginning to rebuild its strength. Those awful bruises had healed, but you still wore that same frightful look on your face. 

“Fey…” You struggled to find the words to say to her, where to start. You wanted nothing more than to hold her, to feel another’s embrace but you didn’t approach. You weren’t accustomed to how things worked here, that even though she was your cousin, she was also High Lady. 

Would it be improper to embrace her? Would Rhysand and Azriel pull you off her? See you as a threat for wanting to feel your cousin's familiar touch and love?

As though she’d read your thoughts, Feyre closed the distance between you both and took you into her arms. Your resolve began to crumble, all of those feelings of loneliness creeping up on you in full force.

You willed the tears back as much as you could, but Feyre held you close, cooing to you that it was alright, that you were safe and she was so glad to have you there. 

It took much of your strength to finally pull away and cast your eyes to her mate, to the High Lord. Rhysand watched with a polite smile, though there was a look in his eyes as he gazed at you…a look that suggested he understood. 

Understood everything that you had endured, every feeling and thought as if he’d also once experienced them, too. 

“I um…I wanted to thank you both for allowing Nesta to bring me here.”

Rhysand chuckled at that, soft and sultry. 

“Nobody allows Nesta to do anything. She does what she wants and we all have to accept it whether we like it or not.”

He spoke in a humorous tone, as if the words hadn’t struck a cord so deep in your stomach that it made you nauseous. 

Azriel tensed beside him, and Rhysand quickly caught on to just how poorly he worded himself. “We are delighted to have you here, Y/N. But I’m incredibly sorry for the circumstances it took to get you out.”

You swallowed thickly, eyes darting between him and Feyre. 

“I appreciate you allowing me a room at the House of Wind, but I don’t wish to overstay my welcome.”

A collective frown plastered on their faces, but you continued. “I don’t know very much about these lands, but I’m happy and willing to work for my keep and find my own place of residence.”

Feyre flinched as though you’d struck her. “What’s wrong? You don’t like the House?”

Your lips parted and eyes widened, worried you’d now offended her. “No! No, the House is wonderful, truly,” you reassured her. “I just don’t want to be a burden, you’ve all done so much for me, I don’t want to take advantage of your kindness. I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable having a stranger in their home.”

Your eyes briefly met Azriel’s hazel ones, something akin to sorrow and regret in those golden orbs. Rhysand then took a tentative step closer, a deep-set frown of worry on his brows. 

“Y/N, if you wish for your own residence, we will fund that for you. But you are no stranger. You are family, and family will always have a home here. If the House of Wind is too much, we have the townhouse you are welcome to, or we can find something else that’s more suited to you.”

There was no point in hiding the silver that lined your eyes, not when you knew the three of them could smell and sense your every emotion. Perhaps that was why a tear fell down Feyre’s rosy cheeks—perhaps she could feel your agony, your appreciation.

Perhaps they all could feel that you were so unused to this kindness, to being wanted. 

Rhysand reached for your hand then, his skin warm against yours and your eyes fluttered closed. Nothing about the action was intimate, but you were beginning to realise just how touch starved you were, and Rhys could feel that. 

“Nesta thought you might want some space and time to adjust.” He admitted quietly, his voice soothing as it coaxed you to open your eyes. A violet gaze full of care and promise. Promise of love and acceptance. 

Then, his voice grew lighter, full of teasing humour. “She also threatened to skin us alive if we allowed you to be alone in the presence of a male. We never intended to make you feel alone.” 

… all Azriel did was give you a terse nod in greeting and a thin smile before walking down the hall and out of your sight. 

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. How foolish you had been to think you were a burden, that they hadn’t wanted you there. A watery chuckle left your lips as you opened your eyes and met Azriel’s gaze again. Sorrow. Guilt. That was why. 

You looked back to Rhysand just as something gentle stroked at your mind. It took you by surprise but his eyes never left yours, as though he was coaxing you to let him in, to let him feel your pain, to let him understand better. 

It scared you, the idea of anyone seeing your rawest thoughts and emotions. But his eyes, those violet eyes so familiar and warm in a way you could never begin to understand. So you let him in, let him feel everything you tried so hard to keep hidden away and locked up, and it caught the breath from his lungs, rendering him speechless. 

He swallowed thickly, eyes fluttering closed. And in a heartbeat, that pain and agony mellowed and faded until you felt nothing at all except pure relief. You didn’t know how he did it, how he forged his way through the dark forest of your mind and guided you through the other end.

There were no words to describe it. Nothing except at the end of that dark forest lay an open field of fresh soil and grass and trees and sunshine. A fresh start in mind and spirit, a place for you to plant new seeds. A place to hope. 

As quickly as he entered, he retreated. And he took that darkness with him—as much as he could. 

“I understand the pain you have endured in your life. For fifty years, I experienced something very similar. But that pain does not define you. The mind is a powerful thing, Y/N. As long as you believe in hope, you will always find it.”

He released your hand then, stepping back to Feyre’s side. 

“Tonight, we will have a family dinner at the House of Wind so you can meet the others. The House will always be a home to you, whether you chose to stay or find your own residence. But you needn’t do anything alone anymore. And if you’d like to work, we can find something for you, but for now…enjoy your freedom.”

A gentle tapping at your bedroom door broke your attention from your book. You blinked, waiting to see if you'd heard right, when a lone shadow slinked under your door as if to silently let you know who was on the other side. 

Placing your book to the side, you padded to the door and slowly opened it. Azriel stood a respectable distance away, allowing you space to breathe and he offered a gentle smile in greeting. 

“I was about to head into the city for some supplies…I was wondering if you’d like to join me. I’d have to fly you, of course, if you’re comfortable with that.” 

Your heart thundered in your chest. Not at the aspect of being alone with him, but at the thought of finally exploring the city you watched from your balcony every night. 

You loosed a breath. “Am I allowed?” 

He frowned, a shadow reaching for your fingers in a way of reassurance. “Of course. Rhys meant what he said. You’re free to go anywhere you wish.”

You inhaled somewhat shakily, and found yourself nodding your head. 

Azriel took a moment then to take in your appearance. No doubt clothes that Nesta had sorted for you—a pair of simple black leggings and a thick grey knitted sweater. 

You noticed his eyes racking over your outfit and a warmth found its way to your cheeks. “Should I change?” 

His eyes met yours and he shook his head, his smile growing just slightly. “No, not unless you want to.” You nodded just as he added, “I think you look lovely.” 

A compliment. Gods when was the last time you’d received a compliment? There was no hiding the heat that painted your cheeks and neck, no hiding the way you averted his gaze and rocked back and forth on the balls of your feet. 

Ah, shoes. You needed shoes. 

“Just let me find something to put on my feet.”

You turned and left the door open, allowing Azriel a view of your bare room. He noted the lack of…well anything. Nothing on your walls, no nick-nacks or trinkets. Nothing but a satchel on your dresser and three books on the window seat. 

A moment now to compose himself, to regain his bearings. He didn't have to keep his distance anymore, didn't have to hide his growing intrigue and infatuation with you.

Infatuation. As if he were nothing more than a lap dog. Rhys had warned him as much—to not be how he had in the past. And it was easy this time to reassure his brother that it wasn't like that.

It wasn't a hungry desire that consumed him, no. It was something deeper than that, something inexplicably and irrevocably crippling.

But he had promised himself to be mindful of your past, your current state. He wanted to get to know you, an dire need and desire for you to get to know him, too.

His shadows threatened to follow but Azriel reigned them in, scolding silently that it was rude to enter uninvited. He and his tendrils of darkness waited at the threshold of your room, watching as you approached once more with a pair of flats on your feet. 

It was then that Azriel could sense your excitement. And that unfamiliar feeling found its way in his chest and stomach and soul again. 

You had never seen anything like Velaris before in your life. It was just as beautiful in the day as it was at night from the view of your bedroom. Azriel landed softly, mindful of you the entire flight down and as your feet hit the cobblestone path, you took a deep breath. 

The streets were wide, rows of shops and vendors and restaurants everywhere you looked. Bustling with life, fae of all varieties walked the streets of their home. Some blue, some pink, some green. 

It took you a few moments to take it all in—so overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of what you’d been missing in these twenty-six years of your life. Your hand was still wrapped around Azriel’s bicep as he tucked his wings in and began to guide you through the city streets. 

Too caught up in your surroundings, you missed the looks of passersby that lingered a little too long. The citizens of Velaris were not used to their Shadowsinger escorting a female so intimately through the city. Much less a mortal female.

But no one seemed to balk at that, no one appeared to have a problem with your presence. 

Azriel walked you through the streets, pointing out different places that he and the rest of the Inner Circle liked to frequent most. You were in awe, completely dumbfounded by the sheer beauty of it all. 

And when he guided you toward a merchant's cart full of crystals and rocks and stones, your excitement seemed to grow tenfold. 

“You like crystals?” Azriel asked, noticing the way your feet hurried a little faster to view the vendor. 

A brief smile coated your lips as your eyes trailed the pieces on display.

“My mother used to collect them. Secretly, of course—they were forbidden in the mortal lands, claimed to be used by the Fae and other…creatures. She said they harnessed healing properties. They were all I had left of her.”

It was the most Azriel had heard you speak at once, and he was not about to let you dwell on that for a single moment. He wanted to hear more. 

“Did you bring them with you?”

Your smile faded, fingers reaching out to trace over an uncut rose quartz. “No. After Rafe and I wed, he found them and he threw them into the river.”

You didn’t look at Azriel as you spoke, didn’t even know why you admitted such an agonizing memory outloud, but he didn’t press further. Though you were sure you could’ve heard a shadow of his hiss in disdain.

“This one is tigers eye.” You pointed to the smooth stone no larger than a silver coin. “My mother called it the Stone of Courage…and this one is black tourmaline, the Stone of Protection.”

Azriel watched you closely, watched your shoulders relax at the memory of your late mother. He scooped them into a scarred hand, nodding for the merchant’s attention and they were wrapped in parchment and handed over to you.

You blubbered, looking between the merchant and Azriel, to tell them both that you were simply admiring, that you had no money. But Azriel nodded a thanks and with a hand to the small of your back, he guided you further into the city.

“If you see something you like, put it on the House’s account and it will be taken care of. Rhys has more money than sense, he’d be offended if you didn’t spend it.”

The thought of spending the High Lord’s money was not one that sat well with you. Despite the kindness he’d shown earlier, the promise of you not being a burden…you didn’t want to take advantage anymore than you already had. 

You didn’t say anything, though. Not when you had a feeling Azriel would only try to convince you otherwise. 

You walked for another thirty minutes, your hand still around his arm but he didn’t protest, didn’t allow you to be separated from him as you walked through a busier crowd. 

And then you saw it. That beautiful winding river that sparkled like the deepest sapphire. It flowed through the city, loitered with ships and boats to import and export all sorts of goods. 

“This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Breathless. You were utterly awestruck. Yet Azriel couldn’t seem to take his eyes away from you. In his 500 years of life, he’d seen some incredibly gorgeous females, yet none as exquisite as you. 

There was nothing mortal about your beauty, about your aura. And the longer he was spending in your presence, the more he felt himself sinking under. 

And watching you now, so relaxed and at peace… 

He shouldn’t be feeling this. Not again. Not for you. And yet despite that, he found himself saying, “You haven’t even seen the Rainbow yet.”

You looked at him then, eyes glistening and cheeks warm. 

“What’s the Rainbow?”

Azriel smiled, wide and untamed and your heart stopped. “It’s what Velaris is known for. There’s a hundred galleries, supply stores, sculpture gardens…and anything in between.”

He felt like he was going to die. His heart would not stop pounding, his shadows would not stop skittering. The smile on your face grew, your eyes wild and alive. That unfamiliar feeling—he knew what that was now. 

Excitement. And not yours this time, but his own. Something he hadn’t felt since Rhys and Cassian taught him to fly as a young boy. 

“I’ll take you,” he found himself saying. “Whenever you want to go, I’ll take you.”

You looked back at the river then, hope in your eyes once more. For the first time in your life, you felt like you belonged. You could see yourself happy here, living and not just surviving. 

And Azriel, oh, Azriel wanted to watch every moment of your happiness. Because despite the horrors you’d been subjected to, despite the things Rhysand saw in your memories, the thoughts in your mind…you still held hope. 

You still longed to live another day. 

So he didn’t follow as your feet carried you across the river bank, didn’t say a word as you sat on the grass and let yourself feel and breathe and water that fresh field in your mind. 

He watched from afar, allowing you this moment. 

And as you stood and raised your hands from the soil and sauntered toward the rivers clearing, Azriel’s shadows began to quiver in that now recognisable way his chest had seized throughout the day, whispering to him.

A lonesome patch of brown and green tulips lay in your wake, as though you’d breathed life into the earth with nothing more than your mind and touch. 

He balked and the shadows whispered again.

So that night, after dinner with the Inner Circle, where you laughed and smiled and ate…Azriel found himself travelling across Velaris at a lightning speed toward the wall at the border of the Spring Court and mortal lands. 

And there, where the remnants of that creature barely remained, laid another solitude patch of tulips—brown and green. 

a/n: hehe, you're truly not prepared for what i have planned for this series hahahaha but i would love to hear your guys' thoughts and theories about where you think this series might be going!!

if you enjoyed it, please consider giving it a like and reblog, your feedback is always appreciated <3

tag list: @anna-reader-blog @bubybubsters @honethatty12 @angiieguevara @honk4emoboyz @e1jeyy @celestialgilb @rcarbo1 @quiet-because-it-is-a-secret @judig92 @moonfawnx @historygeekqueen @idkitsem @horneybeach1 @apenasandorinha @thaynarajejheje @popcornlauncher @mrsjna @fuckingsimp4azriel @kk191327 @babypeapoddd @bluebries81 @secretlyhers @daughterofthemoons-stuff @mixheleee @be-your-coffee-pot 

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

CHAPTER ONE

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🤎 pairing: azriel x reader.

🤎 song inspiration: dark matter by rivals.

🤎 author’s note: surprise! it feels strange to be writing for azriel again after such a long break, but here I am returning to my roots. this series has been sitting in my drafts for a year and now i've finally got it fully fleshed out. let's just pray to the cauldron that I actually get the motivation to finish it all the way through.

Every mission required you to play a part.

Over the years, you have worn many faces. The thief. The seductress. The assassin. The dagger in the dark that no one ever saw coming. 

Tonight you were a tavern wench from the Western Isles, eager to attract the attention of a nobleman who hailed from one of the oldest families in the Night Court. Given his societal standing, his voice of dissent against Rhysand and Feyre’s rule and rumored sympathies towards Hybern’s cause had not gone unnoticed. Certainly not by you nor the High Lord and High Lady themselves. 

For Rhysand to send you out to personally deal with the lordling meant that the situation required your level of skill and discretion. The High Lord usually preferred to keep you close to home so you could monitor any potential threats in Velaris, but this pesky little lord had caused enough trouble to warrant your involvement.  

For centuries, you had served the Night Court well. Even before Rhysand assumed power, you moved in the shadows like a phantom, setting matters straight when threats arose and making sure your beloved city was safe.

At present, the threat before you took the shape of a High Fae male, who in all honesty, had a rather lofty opinion of himself. You could tell he was unseasoned and unblooded from the way he carried himself, moving with the ease of someone who had never seen the toils of war and strife. The lordling likely lived in the luxury of grandiose balls and palaces filled with servants tending to his beck and call. No was not a word in his vocabulary. 

He had a pretty face and a cruel mouth, those gray eyes of his raking over your figure with unabashed scrutiny. The dark veil covering your face reveals a sliver of your amber eyes, concealing your identity and drawing him into the mysterious aura you perfectly crafted with ease. 

You had dealt with his type a thousand times over. Males who looked at you like a challenge, a prize to chase after and inevitably conquer before tossing you to the side for the next pretty little thing that crossed their path. Little did he know that once you set your sights on him, his fate was as good as sealed. 

Judging from the finery of his clothes and the gold rings adorning his fingers, this one was a rich little lordling, probably the heir of some cranky old bastard who would have known better than to engage with someone like you. It was glaringly obvious that the male had never learned how to spot an enemy, so he didn’t know any better when he sidled up next to you, completely unaware of the blades concealed underneath the simple cotton dress you were wearing. 

A small smile graced your lips, playing the part of the shy and demure maiden who was unfamiliar with being approached by handsome lords.

Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent underneath it. 

“What does a lord have to do to get a pint around here?” He greeted with a smirk as he slammed down his empty glass. You didn’t miss the way his oily gaze lingered on the swell of your breasts peeking out from your tight corset. 

“It’s on the house, my lord,” you said sweetly while you poured ale from the flagon in your hands, filling his glass with amber liquid. 

The lordling threw the drink back in one gulp and slammed his hand down on the wooden table with a loud smack. From the far end of the tavern, his companions hooted and hollered at his little performance. 

In the three days that you’ve been tracking him, they’ve never left his side. Two of them were his personal guards — trained soldiers who you would’ve liked to toy with if you had the time, but unfortunately your schedule wouldn’t allow for deviations no matter how much you would thoroughly enjoy carving those traitors up. Instead, you settled for incapacitating both males for the rest of the evening. The rest of the lordling’s company was inconsequential, too busy gambling and pulling females into their laps to take note of you. 

“What about you? Are you on the house as well?” 

Your fingers itched to reach for the twin blades sheathed on your hips, but you resisted the urge and offered a smile instead. “I’m afraid not.” 

He grabbed your wrist, pressing his lips close to the shell of your ear. The heady scent of ale was heavy on his breath. “Don’t you want to know what it feels like to lie with a nobleman? I promise I’ll treat you like a lady.”

You tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, surveying the boisterous crowd in what appeared like self-consciousness, but in reality you were assessing whether or not you would be able to slip out with your mark without anyone noticing.

“But what will your companions think?” 

The lordling chuckled. “They think whatever I pay them to think.” His arm snaked around your waist, pulling you into his lap. “But you need not worry, I have a room all to myself upstairs.”

With one last look at the crowd, you lured the male right into your trap. Pushing those golden curls out of his eyes, your fingers traced the outline of his lips. “In that case, lead the way.”

Compared to the boisterous tavern downstairs, the dark room he ushered you into was quiet and intimate. Clothes were strewn all over the wooden floors and his sheets were unmade. Moonlight streamed in through the glass windowpane, leaving half the room shrouded in night. The male wasted no time and pressed you against the closed door, his eager mouth nipping at your neck impatiently. His hands sidled up your spine, deft fingers tugging at the veil tied behind your head. 

You caught him by the wrist, preventing him from untying the fabric before pushing him towards the bed. “Not so fast, my lord. I need you to savor this.”

Dark, lustful eyes drank you in as you crawled across the mattress, straddling the male and effectively trapping him in a vulnerable position. You lifted his arms over his head, tutting your disapproval as he tried to reach for you. He was so drunk with desire that he didn't even question the rope you pulled out from beneath your skirts.

“Be patient and I promise I’ll make it worth your while.” 

He inhaled sharply, his body thrumming with anticipation beneath you. “You’re no lady, are you?” 

At his words, you unleashed a glimpse of your true self as your lips curved into a seductive grin. “You have no idea.” 

You tied his hands to the bedpost, twisting the rope into a secure knot. Slowly, you unbuttoned his shirt, trailing your fingers down the hard muscles of his chest. The male shivered at your touch, bringing a smile to your lips. He was making this way too easy. 

“I’ve been watching you for days.” You discarded his shirt to the side, making your way down to unbuckle his belt. The bandolier of knives secured around his waist fell to the floor with a soft thud. “You never go anywhere without one of your sentries. You’ve made it very hard for a girl like me to get you alone, my lord.”

“I’m here now,” he responded in a low voice. The fog of lust dancing in those sharp gray eyes clouded his vision.

“Indeed you are. I’ve been waiting a very long time to get you all to myself, Lord Covington.”

At the sound of his name, his eyes narrowed with suspicion. “I never told you my name.” 

You laughed mockingly. “No, but I know exactly who you are. Declan Covington, heir apparent to the Western Isles. An avid supporter of Hybern’s cause. A loyalist through and through, hiding in plain sight. Your family provided the gold for weapons and supplies to our friends in the West, did they not?” 

He bucked underneath you, pulling at his bound hands. “Who the hell are you?” 

“A friend of the High Lord and High Lady,” you said with a devilish grin. The sharp edge of your blade gleamed against the moonlight as you traced his torso with it. “Rhysand sends his regards.” 

Panic set in his features. “Whatever he’s paying you, I can double it. My family has great fortune. We have connections. Name your price and it’s done.” 

This was always your least favorite part. The bargaining, the pleading. It was all so tedious. 

“You couldn’t afford me if you tried.” Your fingers threaded through his golden hair as you tugged his head backwards. “What you will give me is the name of every family who helped support Hybern’s cause.” 

“Over my dead body,” he said defiantly. 

“I can arrange that, my lord.” Shifting your hips on his lap, you examined his face. You almost felt sorry for him. He looked so young and naive. The lordling didn’t stand a chance against you. “Though I’d hate to waste such a pretty face. Give me their names and I’ll grant you a swift death.”

Anger came next. He spit in your face, which only made you throw your head back in laughter. You always liked the feisty ones. Watching the fight go out of their eyes brought you a sick rush of power. 

“My father will hear about this! He’ll drag your lifeless corpse through our lands and gift your head to me on a golden platter.”

As far as hateful vitriol goes, the little lordling was rather creative, but neither he nor his father could stop what was about to happen. These males were all the same. They never recognized the danger you posed until it was too late. It was a weakness that brought you great pleasure to exploit. 

“I’m afraid your daddy won’t be able to get you out of this one, Lord Covington.” 

Deciding his fate, you untied the veil and let it fall to your lap. His eyes widened in fear and for the first time since he laid eyes on you, the severity of his situation settled into the worried lines on his pretty face. A silhouette of fire materialized from your body as you unleashed the beast within. Your true form was a nightmare personified, murderous and bloodthirsty, composed of the fury and vengeance that you tried so hard to restrain. Tonight, you loosened the reins to give her what she wanted. 

Mine, she whispered as fiery tendrils caressed the lordling’s pretty face. The victims who saw her never lived to tell the tale. 

“You’re her,” he breathed, his voice full of trepidation. “The fire priestess. I thought you were a myth.” 

The crimson slash of your smile served as confirmation. “I’m no one and I will stay that way even after you’re long gone.”

Lord Covington narrowed his eyes. “You weren’t always, were you? You’re the exiled priestess of the Autumn Court. Lady Thorne.” 

Kill, your transfiguration hissed. She hated that name and so did you.

Silence fell upon the room. Whatever pity you might have felt for him vanished at the mention of the girl you used to be. The one who died the minute you crossed the Autumn Court’s borders. 

“Like you said, I’m no lady.” 

You pressed your blade into his cheek and crimson droplets dribbled down the front of his chest. The male shivered as you licked away the blood, savoring the sweet taste of his fear. With crimson dripping from your lips, you opened your mouth and sang. The lordling fell into a daze, his silver eyes clouding over with fog as your voice wrenched through his mental defenses. With a jolt, you invaded his thoughts and drew out his deepest fears. 

Everyone was afraid of something. This little lordling’s weakness was snakes. The spell of the song took hold, making him see what you wanted him to see. Serpents appeared all over Lord Covington’s body, crawling through his arms, tangling in his limbs, and twisting around his neck until he was gasping for air. The illusion was plucked from his own personal version of hell.

A nightmare, that’s what you were. 

The veil of the illusion slipped, swallowed by the living flame of your true form. Whatever fear the serpents invoked paled in comparison to what he felt as he looked upon the monstrosity of the reality before him. A creature of fury, a demon of vengeance.

Lord Covington screamed and begged for his life, but the ward you cast in the room swallowed the sound. No one was coming for help. 

Just then, a pulse of magic thrummed against your wards. You stopped singing and reigned in your flames. Your true form hesitantly retreated into the darkest pits of your heart, rattling against the cage you kept her in. Even as the flames receded, you could still hear the echo of malice. The small taste of blood wasn’t enough. 

It was never enough. Someone was going to pay for the disruption.

Out of instinct, the dagger in your hand sliced through the air. Without missing a beat, the male who materialized out of the darkness caught the blade with precision. He hurled the blade back at you swiftly, making you twist in an uncomfortable angle to snatch it out of the air. 

Glowing hazel eyes appraised you with scrutiny as the familiar silhouette of wings darkened the room, belonging to the tall and lean figure of the warrior standing before you. Cold, beautiful, and utterly lethal, Azriel flashed you a smile that chilled your bones. 

The shadowsinger briefly took in the male squirming beneath you. With a voice like cold death, Azriel’s drawl made your skin crawl with irritation. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to play with your food?” 

Your head whipped in his direction. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

The Illyrian warrior moved in a shroud of darkness, shadows twisting across the dark leathers adorning his powerful form. The blue siphons on his armor glowed brightly, bathing the dark room with a soft cobalt light. Azriel paused at the edge of the bed, leaning against the wooden bedpost with a bemused smirk.

“It’s nice to see you too, princess.” 

The nickname grated your nerves. In fact, everything about Azriel had the same effect. He seemed to have a special talent for getting under your skin.

“Bite me, shadowsinger.”

Whatever sarcastic remark was dancing on the tip of his tongue was interrupted by the male pinned between your thighs. Distracted by your hatred for the spymaster, you nearly forgot that he was even in the room. Freed from the spell of your song, he returned to consciousness and thrashed underneath you. 

Lord Covington released an ear-splitting scream that ravaged his throat. His silver eyes flickered to the shadowsinger, fear and trepidation undulating from him in violent waves. 

“Please,” the lordling pleaded. “Please, get it away from me. Kill me if you must, but please don’t leave me with her — don’t leave me with it —”

“For Cauldron’s sake.”

You drove the hilt of your dagger against the lordling’s forehead and he fell slack, mouth hanging open with unspoken pleas. Rising from the bed, you marched towards Azriel and shoved an accusatory finger at his chest. The action failed to even startle the shadowsinger. If anything, the cock of his head displayed nothing but amusement. 

“Why are you here?” 

“I need you to come with me, Thorne.” You paused for explanation, but none came. Azriel only stared at you as though his vague words were enough to make you drop the mission and go traipsing off with him to the Cauldron knew where. 

You waved your blade in the direction of the unconscious male. “What about him?” 

“What about him?” 

The glare you directed at the shadowsinger would’ve sent lesser males to run off with their tails between their legs, but the Azriel only repaid you with equal venom. Needless to say, the dislike was mutual.

Without warning, Azriel disappeared into a shroud of darkness and the void of his shadows swallowed the lordling along with him. He reappeared a moment later with his arms crossed. The red and golden membrane of his wings shimmered at his back, blocking the only source of light in the room. 

You balled your hands into closed fists. “Where did you take him?” 

“The dungeons.” 

“You had no right! I’ve been tracking him for days. He’s mine.” 

You shoved at his chest again, but Azriel was immovable. His gaze dipped down to your shoulders and you realize with a start that the laces of your corset had come undone, leaving your collar bones exposed. The bloodstone necklace that you never took off peeked out from the swell of your breasts. The shadowsinger’s eyes lingered for a split second before his unrelenting stare flickered back up to your face. 

“There’s other pressing matters at hand. We need to meet the others.”

You fumed with anger. You’ve been working on your mark for days and now thanks to Azriel, you wouldn’t even get to reap the benefits of the hunt. 

“I don’t answer to you, shadowsinger. Rhysand sent me here for a reason and I don’t intend on coming home empty handed.” You screamed in his face and though you’ve always been on the taller side, you barely reached Azriel’s shoulder. He had the nerve to blink as though you were merely conversing about the weather. “Now return the lordling at once or you and I will have a very unpleasant discussion with the High Lord.”

You blanched as he closed the gap between you, his eyes darkening with something unreadable. His voice was smooth and steady, washing over you like shadows given form. 

“Who do you think sent me here?” 

Your mouth fell slack as the shadowsinger held your gaze. You hated it when Azriel looked at you like that. Like you were some sort of puzzle that he was on the verge of deciphering. 

One of his shadows darted towards you, but before it could touch your cheek, Azriel took a step back. Without a second glance, the shadowsinger held out a scarred hand in your direction. 

“Come, princess. The High Lord has need of you.”

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY GWYNRIEL FAMILY...

To light and love... peace and prosperity 🙏 ✨️

Artist ekilateral.art

Repost Not Allowed

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

MELOS (PART TWO)

main masterlist / Azriel's masterlist

Part One 5k words - AO3 Tags: 18+ mdni. Blood, feelings of fear and panic. Reader POV. Trauma. Protective Azriel. Canon-compliant, post ACOSF and HOFAS. "I would spend a lifetime earning your forgiveness"

The fly amanita has been eluding you.

It’s speckled red cap is usually so easy to spot, but you’ve been trudging through the woods all day, turning over logs and peering around tree trunks to no avail. You’re getting closer and closer to the break in the forest, the one bordering a large meadow rich with wildflowers, the one you hardly venture to unless you’re truly desperate for something specific.

You’re seriously considering it when something dusky red catches your attention from the corner of your eye, and you breathe a sigh of relief as you spot the healthy patch of fungi. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” you sink to your knees, digging down to the roots. The soil is wet, freshly damp from a recent rainstorm, and it sticks to your fingertips. “Such a pain in-“

Magic scrapes at your skin. Long gruesome fingers of something unseen try to clutch at you, drag you away, and your power surges to meet it, beating it back to the gloom it calls home. You shudder. The magic from your mother's blood, the gifts the Middle grants you, are enough to keep you safe, protect you from most things in this place, the ones nefarious and full of malice, but that does not mean they do not try. 

You exhale, breathing freely in the crisp winter breeze whispering through the trees, rustling the deadfall into small vortexes that spin across the wood, twisting upward in a delicate dance of changing seasons. You lift your face to the sun just as the wind turns dark, smoky grey, and then explodes in a burst of ink, onyx spilling around the mushrooms, wisps snaking through the stems towards your knees.

You swat them away.

Azriel.

You grit your teeth. Don't think about him, don't think about him, don't think- 

A shadow brushes against you like a feather, and you hiss. 

Azriel.

The male who tortured you. Used you. Gained your trust to hurt you. Suffocated you until you thought you were going to die, until spots appeared in your vision and your heart slowed. The male that hurt you, in more ways than one. 

Fooled into falling for a ruse, you believed it meant something every time your heart thundered when he was near, how your magic crooned for him, tried to reach for him, touch him. The pain you saw in him, over and over again, a mirror to your own, led you to believe in a fairy tale that never existed, a stupid notion about two halves of a whole, only for it to crumble and reveal manipulation and lies.

And after it all, whatever he gleaned from you he must have determined to be inconsequential, since no one has shown up at your door to haul you away for execution. No one came to imprison you, or banish you, or torture you, again. No one came to take you away from your home, your life, like you were expecting.

He did it for nothing.

The shadows are an ever-present reminder.

Ever. Present.

They collect in the corners at work, they trail along the ground as you run your errands, go to dinner, visit your only friend in the city.

Thankfully, they seem to stay out of your house, though in the middle of the night, it’s not so easy to tell.

You shoot them a glare. “Run back to your master and leave me alone, for the hundredth time.” You have no concept of a Shadowsinger’s magic, or an Illyrian’s, no idea if the shadows see, or hear, or speak. Their presence frustrates you, and his hoarse attempt at an apology that night still haunts you. Why does he not just come to speak with you? Explain himself? Justify his actions?

It’s been weeks, and still nothing. Silence from the Spymaster. Your rage that was once all consuming is starting to cool, leaving a mess of confusion and pain in its place. 

You need to let it go, you must, but the music persists, faintly there in the back of your mind, a melody you can’t forget.

It’s a double-edged sword, one that slices and stings. You see him in your nightmares, and your dreams. In the dark, you hear his voice, cold and calculating, pacing around you in a suffocating circle, and in the sun, you see him in the Middle, ablaze in a mist of brilliant blue, brushing his lips against yours.

You’ve grown familiar with how a room changes when one of the Wraith sisters arrive. Shadow rolls in like a fog, dissipating as they materialize, grey gossamer turning to smoky quartz, taking shape as a beautiful female, her eyes iridescent like black pearls. 

Rarely, do the twins ever come together. 

Today is the exception. 

Cerridwen gives you a half smile, gaze lingering on your clothes. “If I made you a new frock, would you throw this one out? It’s nearly in tatters.” You huff.

“This is my work frock; it’s supposed to be a bit messy.”

“It’s not messy, it’s falling apart.” She raises an eyebrow, and Nuala places a slender hand on the stack of brown paper wrapped packages on the table.

“How are you?” The question is loaded, expectant, and they watch you, analyzing every second of whatever is showing on your face.

“I’m fine.” Are you? The lie is so painfully obvious, and they exchange a look. 

“Azriel,” Nuala begins cautiously, “has asked if you would be open to seeing him.” You freeze.

“I..”

“In a public place of your choosing, in the city.” The very idea tips you off balance, blindsides you. Could you do it? See him? 

“With a third party, if you would like.” Cerridwen adds. Maybe this is your chance at closure, an opportunity to put it to rest. “Take some time to decide, and we’ll-“

“No, no. I’ll do it.” You scramble to think of a place where you’ll feel safe, somewhere you’ll be among many, and not few. “Is… Rose and Thorn okay? It’s in the Palace of Thread and Jewels.” They nod.

“Of course. And a third party?” You shake your head. Something in your soul assures you no chaperone is needed, and you allow it to guide you. “Very well.” Nuala waves her hand, wisps of storm clouds floating around her fingers-

And then Wraith sisters are gone.

He’s there before you.

Seated at a table outside, elegant and sculpted, an exquisite, eldritch beauty accentuated by strong, chiseled lines. His skin glows golden brown in the warm bath of the sun, flecks of caramel and green, honey and oak painted together like a priceless landscape in his irises. His wings are tucked in a tight formation at his back, but even in restraint, they shudder, their membranes more unique than a snowflake, more delicate than a spider’s web.

He’s almost too stunning to look at. The beauty of a god. A prince of shadow, shining in winter’s glow.

Suddenly, you’re very self-conscious, fighting the urge to pick at the frayed threads of your dress, too aware of how faded its once emerald green is, how fast your heart is beating, anxiety and pin pricks of fear cascading up your spine, coupled with an undeniable longing that shakes you to your core.

An ocean tide too strong drags your eyes to his, holding you captive in its current, the two of you suspended, floating, woven together in a melody, same song you’ve been hearing, feeling, all this time, elusive, empyreal notes harmonizing across your soul, your magic. The heat of the patio, magic humming in the air producing the equivalent of a warm spring day, urges you out of the cold and towards the table, meeting him where he stands, so tall he towers over you. 

“Hello.” Your stomach flips. This is suddenly harder than you imagined, and you’re being torn in two, afraid and yearning, two sides of a coin. His eyes gentle, and he moves back a fraction, giving you space. You manage to clear your throat.

“Hi.” You can’t look away, and finally, after a second turned eternity, he motions to the chair.

“Would you like to sit?”

“Sure.” The words are stiff, like your back, and you hold yourself rigid, hands clasped together in your lap.

“Thank you for coming, I… I know this was a lot to ask.” You nod, unable to make your mouth move. “Are you well?”

“Yes.” You’ll need more than one syllable answers to get through this, and you fight against the vice squeezing in around you, trying shake loose the battle raging in your blood. There's a need to protect yourself, fortify yourself... and another, one humming a song of wonder, of desire, a song you don't know the words to. He takes a deep breath.

“There’s nothing I can say to excuse what I did, and I know you have no reason to trust me, but I-“

"What you did? You tortured me, you terrorized me. You made me feel like I was dying. and I... why did you… why did you waste your time tricking me into thinking you were… we were… it was all fake.” Your voice breaks, and his eyes flash with despair. “You tricked me into trusting you, letting you get… close,” you study the tabletop, fingertips tracing loops in the woodgrain, trying to maintain your control. You can’t let him see how badly it hurts; how awful it is to know whatever you thought was happening between the two of you wasn’t real, how he's shattered your own trust in yourself. How could you not see the deceit? How could have fallen for such a blatant deception? How could you allow yourself to be hurt like that? These are the questions keeping you from sleep as they toss about in your mind, scolding you, chastising you for allowing yourself to be so weak. Stupid. “Why waste all that time if you were just going to do it? The act itself was... it was terrible but the manipulation, the lie that came with it, feels worse somehow.” Your cheeks heat with shame, mortified at the tears now blurring your vision, and his hand twitches, almost jerks towards yours before sliding away.

“There are no words in any language, anywhere, to tell you how sorry I am. I would spend a lifetime earning your forgiveness, if you’d let me.” Everything you want to fight back with, the words you wish to bury him with, die on your tongue as you stare at him with wide eyes. “I don’t deserve to see you or ask for a moment of your time. I don’t even deserve this chance you’ve given me today but… nothing was a trick, it was not fake. I was a fool.” You know you should say something, but still nothing comes, and there’s a rising uneasiness emanating from his, shadows shivering around him in a halo. “I would ask you to strike a bargain with me.” What?

“A bargain?” He nods solemnly, face set with resolve, foreign limerence weighed down by sorrow reflecting in his gaze.

“Allow me to spend some time with you, to show you how sorry I am, to prove how real it was, and in return, I will owe you a debt.” You fight to keep your face blank, smothering an outward ripple of shock. Maybe he’s gone insane.

“You… the Spymaster of the Night Court… would owe me a debt.” You chew on it, toss it around between your cheeks, try to digest the enormity of it. A debt could be anything, it’s a favor, a wish, a request that must be granted, no matter what it is. You could ask that he drink a vial of poison, and he’d have to do it. Could ask him to leave Pyrthian, and he’d have no choice. Most importantly, you could ask him to leave you alone. Forever. “And if I asked you to never speak to me again?” He winces.

“That would be your right.” This is a bad idea. Your magic trills, vibrating with a strange yearning, again guiding you away from the rational choice and into an agreement.

“I will see you once a week for a month, and in return, you will owe me a debt,” you extend your hand, “and swear not to harm me.” You add hastily, expecting him to refuse, or attempt to change the terms, but he meets you with zero hesitation.

The magic hits you like a gale force wind, wild and too strong, planting itself in your skin to push ink to the surface.

A tree.

The roots sprawl around your wrist, twisting upward into a trunk and then outward into branches, spreading wide until they’re nearly touching on the inside of your forearm. He snags a finger under the cuff of his shirt to reveal the tattoo’s twin, the concrete vow between the two of you plain as day.

What did you just do? 

You’re taking advantage of the first meeting. Having a second with you, a powerful, formidable second, gives you an opportunity to trek into a more dangerous, more unstable part of the Middle in search of a rare mineral.

You’re also using it as punishment, irritated with the small twinge of guilt growing in your side. He strides along at your side silently, shadows skittering ahead across the forest floor, disappearing and reappearing at will, as if they’re scouting and reporting.

“Will you tell me where we’re going?” He finally asks, cocking his head to the side as you stop for a moment to catch your breath. He’s not winded at all, of course, and you’re starting to regret this choice, while also trying to avoid staring at him. Every time he moves into your line of sight, your palms sweat and you remember how his laugh sounded on the steps of your house, how he earnest he was when asking you questions. You remember the kiss, and the way his mouth felt upon yours. You remember it all, and butterflies take flight in your belly. 

But being alone with him in a dangerous place such as this, is also a stark reminder. A reminder of the last time you were alone with the Spymaster, truly alone, and how it ended. 

“There’s a cave a bit from here where a very rare crystal grows. Its mineral compound is a key piece to a specific elixir.” His lips twitch into a small, barely there smile, reading between the lines.

“You’ve brought me along for back up.” You smirk.

“You didn’t say what spending time together had to entail.” You shift your backpack. “It's just past this bog up ahead.” He stops short, eyes sharp, tensing.

“A bog?”

“Yes. You know… like a swamp?”

“Of Oorid?” You blink.

“You know the Bog of Oorid?”

“I’ve been there.” Now it’s your turn to scrutinize him. Could you have underestimated this male, again? 

“Why?” You shiver. You’ve visited the Bog before, twice, and left each time with a new scar, a new nightmare.

“We were looking for something.” We? Questions brew in the back of your mind, so many of them they’re hard to contain, but you’d hate to appear too interested in him and his adventures.

“Did you find it?”  He nods and says nothing. Fine then. “It’s not the Bog of Oorid, just a boring swamp. C’mon.”

You withhold a key piece of information regarding the swamp.

It’s quite hateful, if you’re honest, and a small part of you weeps at your own vindictiveness, but the vengeful side feels too smug, too satisfied.

“It’s this way.” You take the lead, stepping into the ankle-deep muck. “Sorry, you’ll have to get a bit dirty.” The trees here are warped, bent to the undertow of the swamp, stripped of their life, yet still thriving, flourishing in the inert, foul water. Wicked, and greedy, they creak and coo, relishing each cursed step Azriel takes. Your magic crests, drawing up through the Middle, and you smile to yourself as the mud reaches mid-calf. Right about now-

He hisses.

“Are you alright?” You call innocently over your shoulder, now paces away, reveling in the sound of him fighting against the sludge's hold. When he doesn’t answer, your heart quickens, and you turn.

He’s shaking his head, wings flared at his back, muscles flexing beneath his leathers, trying to work himself free, and you bite your tongue to keep from telling him it won't work.

The swamp is a collector, a keeper of things, admirer of the rare and unusual. You’re sure it’s never ensnared an Illyrian before.

“Careful,” you sing, “struggling makes it worse.” He’s knee deep but surprises you when he breaks a leg free and takes another step, cobalt blue siphons beginning to gleam, shining into the dark green stagnant water and pockets of mire. Interesting.

“Clever little witch.” He's amused, reverent, and you're irritated by his reaction. “How does it not trap you?” Keening echoes through your soul, frantic and tortured. It’s reaching for something, crying for something, steeped in a distress you don’t understand. An incessant tugging, the faint sound of a melody. A chiming of bells, ringing, and ringing, and ringing. You steady yourself with a deep breath.

“I ask it not to. My magic comes from the Middle, like my mother’s. It makes things... more amenable to me.” You make it sound far worse than it is to spook him, but he only watches you with interest, keen eyes dissecting you from the inside out.

“And will you ask it to release me?” 

“Maybe.” You shrug. He sinks farther, now trapped to his mid-thigh, and your pulse races. You had planned to leave him here, trap him here until you came back, but your magic is clawing at you, heart trying to beat out of your chest, fear and panic colliding with an instinct buried so deep, it can’t be cut out or ignored, an instinct trying to push you into his arms, pleading with you to help him. It hurts, trying to fight it is like trying to swim against a current, your muscles screaming at the struggle, your power thrashing in your veins. The music is no longer a delicate, enchanting thing but a symphony flowing into a fortissimo, brass and strings and keys digging into your soul.

It's too much, your heart pounds in your ears, magic shredding your restraint.

It's too much, and you long to go to him. 

Release him, you command the swamp, and it tightens its embrace, a lover clinging to another, refusing to relent.

Is this not for me?  

No. He is mine. Release him. Now. You press onward, urging the swamp to relax, it’s reluctant acquiesce bringing you a relief so strong you have to hold yourself steady. It recedes, and the two of you stand face to face, chests heaving. You don’t understand what’s happening to you, what this war that rages in your magic, your heart, your entire being means.

He closes his eyes, the shadows receding, disappearing entirely as he takes a long, measured breath, his hand pressing against his ribs, still deep in the dredge of the fen. 

"Are you alr-" 

“Is there anything else I should be aware of, before we continue?” He cuts you off, the heat radiating from his body coming in waves, and you push against the pull.

“No.” You croak. He inclines his head.

“Very well. Lead the way.”

“Why don’t you winnow here?” You're seated on a rock outside the mouth of the cave. The trek itself is the most dangerous part of this task, and the crystal retrieval was uneventful. Boring, even, as you walked side by side with Azriel in silence, contemplating the unexpected amount of remorse over the swamp settling in your stomach like lead.

“I don’t winnow to most places in the Middle if I can help it.”

“No?”

“You never what will be waiting for you, or what you will discover, when you arrive.” You take a bite of your apple and sneak a glance at him. “You’re not angry. About the swamp.”

“No.” He’s preternaturally still, but rife with intensity, alight with an ache you can’t describe.

“Why?”

“I deserve far worse from you.” You say nothing, because what can you say? It’s true.

But if it’s true, why does it feel so awful? 

You stand abruptly, eager to separate yourself from this situation, this confusion and confliction. “I should get these back.” Winnowing from the Middle, at least, is a perfectly safe option, and you’re eager for the escape now.

“Next week?” Your head is pounding, limbs twitching like your body has a will of its own, and suddenly you’re drained, magic and will quickly depleting. He steps closer, brows knitted together in concern. “Are you okay?” No. 

“Y-yeah. I’m going to… I’m going to go.” He frowns.

“You look ill.”

“I’m just tired. The swamp takes it out of me.” You lie weakly with a halfhearted smile that lacks conviction, and before you can do something stupid like reach for him, you draw on your power, giving him one last look. “Next week.”

You’re at the Palace of Bone and Salt when it happens.

The market is packed to the brim, overflowing, most caught up in the approach of Winter Solstice. It’s still weeks out, but all are always eager to celebrate the city’s favorite holiday. Boughs of holly and evergreen, ribbons of red and green decorate the square, twinkling fae lights nestled high and low. You’re looking for bone marrow, but can’t help loitering by the chocolatier’s stall, his perfectly crafted confections artfully arranged in pyramids stretching far past your head. He catches your eye with a smile. “Would you like to try anything?”

“Oh, no, but thank you. They always look so lovely.” He pulls a pink chocolate swirl from the collection that’s caught your eye and holds it out to you.

“On the house then, for Solstice.”

“Thanks so-“ Your gratitude is stolen by a groan, one rattling upward from beneath your feet, the entire market rumbling so violently the stalls creak, their goods tipping to the side.

A quake. 

They’re rare, but not unheard of. The mountains breathe, stretching and straining, the plates they’re built upon occasionally shifting and realigning, all of it causing Velaris’ foundation to shake. These things you know, but you’ve never experienced it firsthand, and you didn’t expect such… force.

The shopkeeper dives beneath his counter, others running in every direction through the market, panic and fear permeating the air. They’re looking for cover, afraid the second and third story buildings may come crashing down on their heads, while others try to outrun it, sprinting away as fast as they can manage.

It’s pandemonium. Everyone is being tossed around, marble and wood falling and rolling, and you’re frozen, rapidly trying to weigh the options, decide what to do when something catches your eye.

A child.

She’s standing in the middle of an aisle, screaming for her mum, and without hesitation, you snag her around the waist to tuck her into your chest, covering the back of her head as you curl into a ball and huddle beneath the counter of the first stall you see.

That’s where you stay, for the next ten minutes. Curved over this little girl who can’t be more than two, holding onto her as tight as you can to quell her screaming, trying to calm her. Things fall on you, something scrapes the side of your face, and it stings, but you don’t let go. You can’t.

You’re somewhere else in your mind. In the Middle as a child, running as fast as you can to the boundary, trying to get to safety as your mother howls. Claws scratch down your back, blackened, putrid magic tries to drag in the bowels of the forest, all while horrid shrieking and crying fills your head. The boundary is too far, and you fold yourself into a hollow, a damp, muddy nest inside the base of a tree where you hold your breath and sit really still, just like you were taught.

The quake ricochets around you, but the screeching in your ears is not from this time, this moment. It’s from then, you and this small child in your arms now the same, scared, alone, and crying for your mothers.

Even once the rumbling stops, you don’t move. Too afraid it will start again and you’ll be caught in the open, you wait. The sticky, festering sap of the memory clings to your synapses, refusing to let you go, embedding itself beneath your skull like it needs to live there, as if you could ever forget. There are moans from the injured, confusion and worry from those who took shelter, but multiple voices rise over the din of everyone else, giving instructions, looking for the wounded and those who need help immediately.

“- was right here, but she let go of my hand… there were too many-“ a frantic female’s voice echoes over through the market, and her terror is met by a kind, reassuring voice.

“We’ll find her.” The girl in your arms makes no attempt to free herself, still shivering in your hold, clinging to you with all her might, and you stay rooted to your spot.

There’s a brush of magic against your mind, a gentle caress that probes the dense sedge wall, and you push it away, opening your eyes to see a beautiful female crouched in front of you. “Hello.” The High Lady. The little girl finally moves, wriggling against you.

“Mara!” Her mother calls, rushing over and scooping her into her arms, sobbing. She looks her daughter over and then holds her tight before trying to approach you. “Thank you, thank you,” she’s reaching for your hand, trying to squeeze it in a manner of gratitude, of love, but you can’t move, still grappling with the noise ringing in your head. There’s more conversation, more of the High Lady’s voice, patient and gentle, and another’s, deeper, heavier.

“-shock, maybe?”

“-go get him,”

“Cassian-“ The second voice is enough to startle you back to yourself somewhat, and you carefully stretch your limbs, crawling out from under the counter and away from them, standing up on your own two feet. The High Lady holds her hand out as if you steady you. “Easy. You’re hurt.” Hurt? You instinctively touch your face, fingers coming back stained crimson. You need to get out of here, need to get as far away from all of this as you can. You’re still trying to right yourself, convince yourself you’re here, not there.

“Maybe you should sit down.” The other one, the big Illyrian who you met in this very place months ago, watches you with concern. You’re shaking, lungs expanding, searching for as much air as they can find, warm trickle of blood falling over your lips and down your chin. Pain registers slowly, no longer isolated to your face, but in your side too, and when you press your hand to your ribs, wet fabric squishes beneath it. More blood.

“Let's get you to a healer,” the High Lady tries, motioning to your head, your side, and when you don’t respond, she frowns, glancing at her companion. The wailing is finally quieting to a point where you can properly think, but words still won’t come, and she’s about to say something else when shadows swirl around the three of you, and Azriel drops from the sky.

Azriel. Your heart sings his name, and the double-edged sword cuts to the quick, opening you up to a strange spark in your chest.

He looks… awful. Insane, even. Wide eyes find you, his wings stretched into a defensive position, shadows spread around him in a dark cloud, and his fear is so palpable you swear you can feel it. All you can do is stare at him as he frantically takes you in, focus never wavering, even as he speaks to those at your side. “What happened?”

“We found her under here,” Cassian points to your hiding spot, “protecting a little girl. We think she’s in shock.”

“She needs a healer.” He grits, hands flexing and relaxing from flat palm into fist, repeatedly.

“We know.” The High Lady angles her body between you and the Shadowsinger. “Az,” her voice is serious, with an undercurrent of authority, “maybe you should back-“

“You need a healer.” He ignores her, and you shake your head. You need to get out of here, to get somewhere safe where you can try to rip out the rot of these memories still nipping at your heels. 

“I need to go. Home, I need to go… home.” I need to go home? That’s the best you can come up with? Cassian snorts, and Azriel says your name, an edge of dominance cutting through the haze of your mind. The blood loss is making you woozy, and the ground is unsteady, continent turning over as you start to feel sluggish. Your vision grows blurry, and then there’s a hand on your cheek.

“Look at me, it's okay.” Azriel murmurs, and you try. You do. There’s something about his touch, the texture of his hands that soothes you, comforts you, but the world is falling away, and darkness is taking you, tugging you into the lull of sleep.

You curl your fingers into his shirt, a last-ditch effort at staying upright, at staying awake, looking up into a never-ending swirl of hazel, green moss and bright umber drenched in panic.

They’re the last thing you see before everything goes black and you slip under.

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

i yearn for the wattpad experience aka graphics for every fic and insane character lore

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

𝑇𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑠ℎ ⋆.˚

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

Hidden Videos [College!Azriel]

SUMMARY: Y/N's a camgirl and Azriel's roommate, Azriel borrows her computer for his college essay and finds something he never expected to see. (3.3k)

WARNINGS: teasing, swearing, dirty talk, masturbation (Azriel watching Y/N's videos)

A/N: this is another old fic from an old fandom I used to write for... but there's just something about college Az getting off over his roommate hehe

"Fuck!"

She hears his curse before a slam of something hard is followed and rough footsteps carry him into the kitchen. Azriel's got his fingers tugging on his growing hair, face red in aggravation and she stops mid-chew on her slice of toast, eyeing him with raised brows.

He lets out another gruff sigh and shakes his hands through his hair, slapping his arms down to the sides of his thighs. She quirks a brow higher. "What's up?" He eyes her tiredly.

"Fuckin' laptop is broke, again!"

She gnaws on her inner cheek, glancing down at her watch and nodding with a wince. "Thought you got it fixed like two weeks ago?" She ponders aloud as she finishes typing up her sentence.

Azriel leans on the kitchen counter, nodding and huffing once more. He's only in a pair of sweats and an old shirt and Y/N's got on a pair of jeans and a nice blouse. Azriel thinks it's new, he hasn't seen it before.

He nods again. "I did, but it's still not fucking working. Stuff won't save and I need to get this assignment done by Friday."

Azriel has always been one to leave assignments and classwork to the last minute and more often than not, Y/N has ended up sacrificing her sleep to help him meet his deadlines. She's lost count of how many sleepless nights she's been faced with during the year she's been his roommate.

It wasn't exactly the first choice for both of them to share the flat. Azriel needed a roommate as he couldn't afford the rent after his last one bailed midterm, and Y/N was a transfer and in desperate need of accommodation.

They didn't know each other before she moved in and they were both desperate enough to just go for it. It turned out to be one of the best decisions they've both made. A friendship was quick to blossom between them in the first week of Y/N moving in, and over the year, they've only gotten closer.

And sure, on a few nights where they've been intoxicated at parties, they've shared a kiss or two. And yes, they both know they find each other highly attractive. And okay, maybe once or twice they've got off to the sound of the other person getting some. But they've never let anything change their friendship.

Azriel peers up at her, leaning down on the counter and pouting out his lips. "You’ve got work in a bit, don’t you?" He ponders innocently, nicking a grape from her plate and popping it into his mouth.

He waits patiently as she hums, eyes fixed on her screen and he knows she's finalising her conclusion. "Seeing as you’re gonna be at work, can I borrow your laptop to get a start on this essay?" His words gain her attention and she peers up over her screen to him.

She's always been a little sceptical about Azriel handling her laptop and he's never known why. At first, he supposed it was because she's very serious about her studies and she didn't trust that he wouldn't accidentally delete something important. But as time went on, he started to think maybe she's just a bit more personal than she lets on in person.

She pauses for a moment, like she's thinking it out before she nods hesitantly and tells him to hold on. He thinks she's saving her work and submitting it off, probably filing it under whatever folder it goes into.

He only knows one thing about her laptop. It's organised. She's got subfolders for subfolders and her tagging system is overly impressive to Azriel. She stands from her seat and stares at the screen, gnawing on her inner cheek and she's trying to make sure everything is in place.

"S'all yours. But I need it back when I get home tonight and don't go through any of my folders. Everything is all tidy and organised and I don't need you going through my notes and messing it all up."

Her words hold a promising threat and Azriel holds his hands up in surrender, nodding slowly at her. He has a sheepish smile as she spins the laptop to face him and gently shoves it across the counter – his smile morphing into one of a grateful grin and Y/N rolls her eyes playfully.

"I finish at eleven tonight, you've got twelve hours." She rounds the table, pressing a kiss to his temple and ruffling his already mussed up hair. He wraps an arm around her in a side-hug and leans across to kiss her bicep as she pushes off him.

"You’re an angel, thank you. I'll leave you some dinner in the fridge for when you come home." He calls after her when she leaves the room, can hear her call out a plethora of thanks and grumbles as she shoves her feet into a pair of trainers and grabs her bag.

He's too busy opening up a new document to hear her shout a goodbye or to hear the door slam behind her. He's twiddling his fingers before they start on the keyboard and he begins the introduction of his essay.

//

It's around 7:30 pm when Azriel starts to get a stiff neck and thinks he needs a break. His eyes have been glued to the laptop screen for eight hours and he's starting to get a headache.

Azriel makes up a quick few dishes of a chicken pasta salad, refrigerating Y/N's after he's eaten and opting to take a quick shower to ease his burning muscles.

He's getting tired and he needs at least another two cups of coffee if he's going to survive another three hours on this essay. He knows that really he should split the time up to be writing it, to not force the majority out in one sitting, but his creative juices are flowing and he knows Y/N needs her computer for her own studies. And Azriel doesn't much like the student library.

Dressed in a pair of sweats and with damp, messy hair, he toes his way into a pair of socks and gets himself comfy on his desk in his bedroom. He's opening up her laptop again, popping it on charge and he gnaws on his inner cheek, looking at the little Spotify icon on her dashboard.

He opens it up, plugging in a pair of wired earphones and he squints as he looks through her playlists. There's a couple on there he thinks he'll like: road trip music, shower music, sex music — his eyes widen and a smirk tugs on his lips at that — but he clicks on her study playlist and is pleasantly surprised by the plethora of Fleetwood Mac and a fair share of piano ballads.

His earbuds are back in as he picks up where he left off, gnawing on his inner cheek as a peaceful piano piece fills his ears. His room is fairly dark, an environment Azriel has always managed to work better in. His curtains are pulled closed and the lamp on his desk is the only light illuminating his room along with the bright screen of the laptop.

It's another thirty minutes of relentlessly typing before he pushes away from his desk to crack his neck and stretch his arms out. He's starting to reap the consequences of taking on the extra subcourse on his Law classes and he can feel a migraine start to migrate its way through his head.

"Fuck sake," he grumbles to himself. Azriel rubs his eyes, pulling himself back to his desk. He saves his document, minimising the tab to open up Google. He's midway through typing up a word he needs the definition for (a frazzled brain does this more often than not to him,) when a suggested search fills in the rest of it and his brows are furrowed.

How does onerous translate to a suggestion of Only Fans?

His eyes widen, mouse hovering over the link below the top search bar and gnawing on his bottom lip, he clicks on it. His heart is thumping in anticipation but he'll never admit to the way it drops when he's met with the login screen and her details aren't saved.

There's a dot of sweat on the arch of his brow and he squirms in his seat. There's no way his roommate – his friend – has an account on a site like that. Azriel wants to forget he even accidentally came across the frequented site, but he can't. Because now, he wants to know if she's just a viewer... or a creator.

He knows it's wrong, but he closes the browser and takes a look at her home screen. There are a few folders lined down the left-hand side – all titled with the names of the courses she's taking, a couple on the right with photos from birthdays and parties and memorable things she doesn't want to lose or forget.

His eyes flitter back over to the right side. Sociology. Psychology. Creative Writing. Business. Azriel squints. Y/N has never taken a business course in her life. His finger hovers over the touchpad for a moment. His eyes are squinted, his nosiness getting the better of him. Curiosity killed the cat. He gnaws on his inner cheek, clicking onto the folder and he's met with videos and videos, all titled with one word and a date.

Each video preview square is black and if Azriel squints enough, he can see a tiny naked Cupid with a bow and arrow. He's gnawing on his lower lip now, sucking it into his lip as he scrolls through the hundreds of videos dating back to last summer.

His brows are knitted when he gets to the bottom and he sees today's date. Curiosity eats at him again and his twitching finger is eager to know what's behind the blank preview box.

Azriel's brow raises involuntarily, spinning in his chair at his desk and he calls out Y/N's name, awaiting her response. He waits a moment then nothing comes. She's still at work. He turns back to his laptop hovering the mouse over today's video and he clicks it, the black screen only enlarging.

He pauses his Spotify playlist, minimising the tab and the second he clicks play, his bottom lip slips from between his teeth and his eyes grow wide, jaw falling slack.

The video is of her bed – rumpled sheets and soft, parted thighs as someone stands on their knees. Her lower body is adorned in a pair of pink panties, "all you can eat" in bold, black writing across her pussy and Azriel feels his throat growing dry.

He feels blood rush to his cock, feels a shiver run down his spine. He watches her lean closer to the camera, careful not to get her face in the shot but he sees her swollen lips that are either coated with saliva or gloss – he can't tell.

Azriel hears a breathy sigh as soft hands gently fall down her body and she sits on her heels, gorgeous tits standing perky on her chest and Azriel wants to reach out and touch her through the screen.

He can't believe this is happening. He's found a stash of naughty videos Y/N takes of herself and posts online. His cock is bloating in his pants at the sight of her tweaking her pebbled nipples and rolling her head back deliciously. He watches her part her legs further, can see a sticky, wet patch on the crotch of her panties before she's kicking them off and laying on her back.

His hand finds its way to his bulging cock, palming himself through his pants as his eyes flutter blurrily at the screen. The lights are dim on the tape, he can tell she's put a gentle filter above it, giving it a vintage and homemade-looking effect. He thinks that's what makes it all the dirtier.

He can see the strings of fairy lights that she's got draping down the wall her headboard is pushed against – the light twinkle of the lights casting a soft, warm glow over her gentle body and she thrashes softly in the sheets, thighs parted as he hears a buzzing come to life.

Her nipples are pebbled and hard, the swell of her breasts gently quaking as her head rolls back into her pillow. He doesn't need to see her face to know it's her. He knows her room like the back of his hand and if that wasn't a dead give away, the little sunflower tattoo on her ankle surely is.

Azriel lets out a shaky breath, fingers dipping into the waistbands of his sweatpants and he massages his length greedily in its confinements. His lips are parted, throat dry but his mouth is watering. He watches her part her thighs through the screen, her little pussy peeking between thick thighs and his mouth salivates as his cock springs to life.

She's glistening on camera, swollen lips and puffy clit. She's desperate, he can tell and though he feels like the biggest creep, watching her without her knowledge, he supposes it's not much different from the hundreds of viewers she no doubt gets. The thought makes his blood boil and his cock twitch.

"I'm so wet." He hears her shaky voice breathe, soft and teasing. He lets his eyes roll back for a moment as he tugs himself out of his pants, palming generously and reaching down to cup his balls.

Azriel lets himself picture her in the room with him, lets him imagine she's lying before him, forcing him to watch her touch herself. "You've got me so fucking wet." His cock jumps again and as a nimble moan teeters off her lips, his eyes blink open and he gawks at the sight he's blessed with.

Unholy, yes. Sinful, in all the best ways a man's soul needs. She's teasing her plush folds with the little purple bullet, the sounds of the vibrations tingling through his ears as her breathy moans sound through his speakers and fade into the silent room.

His fist is tight around his length, harsh, yet tender and eager tugs. She's holding the toy to her perfect clit, just enough pressure that he sees her thighs quiver and tremble and her hips buck deliciously.

The buzzing is numbing to his ears but fuck does he love the sound of her moans that follows. He hates himself for doing this to one of his close friends – to his roommate. But he can't bring himself to stop. Not when she looks like that and is touching herself with such gentle vigour he thinks he's gonna scream.

"Holy shit." Gruff moans are falling from his lips at the sight of her rolling her hips. He can see her cunt glistening on the screen, watches the way she tweaks a nipple between two slender fingers before bringing her hand down to her cunt, swirling the tip of her middle finger over her hole.

"Want your mouth on me, baby. Want you to taste me." His eyes are rolling back and he almost misses the way she brings her soaked finger up to her mouth and suckles off the juices with a sexy whine and hum of appreciation.

She pulls her finger from her mouth with a wet kissy sound and brings it back down to play with her cunt. "Wish you could taste how sweet my pussy is." Her voice is eager, desperate. She's a little nasally as she whines but Azriel thinks it's the hottest thing he's ever heard.

His mouth is salivating at the sight of her pretty cunt, of how wet and swollen it looks – how desperate it is to be eaten. He halts his pumping, spits down directly on the head of his meaty cock and winces deliciously at the feel of it.

Azriel smears the wetness across his head and shaft, twisting his hand as he goes up and down in a rhythmic state. "Want you to fill me up with your big, hard cock." His eyes roll back, jaw slack at the sound of her breathy moans. He can't believe what he's hearing.

Y/N's swirling her finger through her wetness again, dipping her middle finger into her dripping hole and her gasp is what brings Azriel's attention back to the video. His eyes are wide and hooded, teeth clenched and lips tightly shut. He's focused now, he doesn't want to miss a thing.

"God, my pussy is so tight. Please, need it, baby. Need you to fuck me."

He's tugging his cock faster, fondling his balls with an eager goal in mind. Her pussy sucks up her finger, clenching as she adds another. He can't see her face but he doesn't need to, he already knows her jaw is slack and her eyes are clenched shut.

He watches her turn up the vibe, the sounds of the buzzing twice as loud and he knows she's close. Her moans are louder, higher and Azriel can't help but wonder when the fuck she recorded this. Surely not when he's home or he definitely would have heard her.

But the date says it's from this morning, so he's forced to believe she filmed it when he was at class, just before he came back and his laptop broke. The thought excites him even more and his cock twitches in his hold.

All he can think about is burying his face in her sweet little cunt, devouring her pussy until she's screaming and begging for him to stop. He wants her cum on his tongue and then again on his cock and on his fingers. Fuck, he wants her cum to be the only thing he'll ever taste again.

"Tight fucking cunt, baby. So fucking good." His praises slip out but he can't help them, just wishes she could hear them, see what she's doing to him.

Y/N's hips start to buck eagerly, jagged movements that follow with her legs thrashing as her body is sent into a state of euphoric bliss. He watches her clamp a hand over her mouth to muffle her pornographic cries and screams and he wills his eyes to stay open as his own release washes over him and spurts out in whitish ribbons over his hands and pants.

His head rolls back when she relaxes into her mattress, her vibrator off and thrown to the side. He's got a heavy grin on his lips as he hears her sheepish giggles slip from her lips. Azriel wants to hear her fucked out laugh in the crook of his neck as she cuddles into him, tasting her cum from his fingers.

He shakes his head, cock softening in his hand as he looks back at the screen. He expects it to go black, to see no more of her and to clean himself up. But she lays still for another moment before she sits up and brings her cum-soaked fingers to her lips.

She spreads them slowly, strings of arousal connected between the two digits and she breaks the link with her tongue, suckling them both into her mouth and humming at the taste. Her lips are swollen as she does so, cheeks hollowed and he wishes she would dip her head down a little more so he could see her blissed-out eyes, too.

She doesn't. Instead, she pulls her fingers from her mouth with a pop and a cheeky grin tugs on the corner of her mouth until she's got a shy smirk on those lips. Azriel feels his cock twitch in his hand, hardening slowly and he doesn't think he can coax another orgasm out of himself so soon. But then she speaks and he's complete fucked.

"And that's what happens when you accidentally catch your roommate getting off in the shower." His eyes are wide, lips parted and mouth dry. He watches her shy smile morph into one of a teasing smirk before she pouts her lips into a kiss that she blows to the screen.

"Thank you, Azzy."

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back – twice as curious and twice as hungry than before.

//

Thank you for reading!! If you enjoyed it please give it a reblog so it can reach other people too. Feedback is also always appreciated <3

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

“Lucien wouldn’t look at Elain twice if she wasn't his mate”

And Azriel wouldn’t have looked twice if she wasn’t Feyre's sister.

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

The Bat Boys - A Court Of Thorns And Roses

Artist: gracerstudios

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

Fine, I’ll say it.

Rolfe’s read on Aelin’s inability to control her power enough to not be a massive risk to innocent people was accurate and Aelin being pissed off about it shows how young and unfit she was to actually ascend the throne at that point.

Deanna locked her out of her own body and was ready to incite mass death on innocent people rather than the Valg, and Aelin would’ve been too out of her depth to stop it had Rowan not jumped in the line of fire. Aelin did not shut out Deanna because the town was at risk, Aelin was spurred into action by Rowan being at risk.

So yeah anyways Rolfe voiced a very relevant point and Aelin just did not wanna hear it and Rowan just snarls or growls or bares his teeth at anything that hurts her feelings. Yes, she agreed to compensate the families of Rolfe’s men that were killed but like, that was the right thing to do. Yes, she took responsibility but that was because it was solely her fault. Neither of those things were burdens unto her that really show remorse.

To then turn around the demand that Rolfe be grateful for that obvious slip up because it makes her a more powerful ally was a very interesting, and dare I say manipulative, move on her part.

I’m obsessed with the complexity and continuous growth of her character.

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

the phrase “the exact shade of his siphons” elicits the same physical response in me that fireworks do in combat veterans

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

You Make It Better

a/n: this was a request! I loved writing this, and I actually had to make myself stop before it got too out of hand (obviously, do you see the word count?) maybe I'll do a pt. 2??

pairing: Azriel x Reader

content warnings: language, some descriptions of anxiety and self-doubt

word count: 7.9k

synopsis: Life as Nesta Archeron's friend had never been smooth-sailing, but you never would have thought it would land you in the fae lands, in a fae body, surrounded by unfamiliar...everything. You're struggling to adapt to your new life while dealing with the loss of your human one, but there is one fae male that makes it all just a little bit easier.

my masterlist

~ ~ ~

“Hi.”

Azriel’s head snapped toward you. He was slouched in a low-back chair facing the library’s windows, his large wings draped low behind him, but his eyes were wide and alert as he took you in.

You shifted in the doorway, folding your hands behind your back. You avoided his eyes as you asked quietly, “How are you?”

Azriel stared at you for a moment. Self-consciousness started to creep in as you stood there, all too aware of the plain gown adorning you that you had refused to abandon since arriving in the fae lands. They had offered you plenty of ornate clothes and jewelry since you were dragged out of that cauldron, but all you wanted was something simple, comfortable, and mundane.

There was nothing mundane about you anymore. Not in the way your ears were shaped, or the way your body moved, or how your skin seemed to shimmer in the sunlight. 

“I’m better,” Azriel’s cool, deep voice drew you from your critical thoughts. You swallowed, analyzing the beautiful man–beautiful male, you supposed–across the room from you. You didn’t dare step any closer.

“That’s good,” you whispered. This was the first time you had ever spoken to him. The last time you had even seen him was when he was lying in a pool of his own blood in front of the King of Hybern, his wings in tatters. You didn’t know what you were even doing here, talking to him now. You had just needed to get out of your bedroom, and had wandered the expansive halls aimlessly until you landed here. “I’ll leave you be,” you said softly, taking a single step back before his voice halted you.

“No, Y/N, wait a minute,” he rushed out. “How are you?”

Your lips parted slightly as you processed his question. You had been here for two weeks, and it was the first time someone had asked you that. Sure, there was plenty of fussing and daily check-ins with a member of the High Lord’s court, but you still felt so lonely, so isolated from everyone. They were all so worried about the physical well-being of Feyre’s friend, but there was no one who seemed to be worried about you. You didn’t blame them, and you weren’t angry with them either. They didn’t know you, and you didn’t know them, and they had done whatever they could to care for you.

You were angry with Nesta, though. You had not seen her either since that dreadful night that you were all shoved into that cauldron. She had sequestered herself away with Elain, and had not deigned to even see you. Her friend. She was the reason you were even in this gods-forsaken body in the damn Night Court of Prythian, and while you didn’t blame her for your kidnapping, you did blame her for abandoning you once you arrived here.

“Y/N?”

Your eyes snapped up to meet Azriel’s, who was waiting patiently for a response you didn’t know how to give. You shrugged slightly, mustering a small, placating smile. “I’m okay.”

He seemed to study you, eyes flicking up and down. You watched the shadows pulse around him in contemplation, recalling the name you had heard his friends murmur while speaking with his healers that first night.

“They call you a Shadowsinger,” you murmured quietly.

Azriel’s eyes followed yours toward his shadows. His gaze returned to yours apprehensively, nodding slightly. “Yes.”

“So,” you started, taking one step closer, “you control them?”

He seemed to hesitate, but eventually said, “Yes.”

His short answers weren’t exactly invitations to continue asking questions, to continue pestering him, but he didn’t seem to mind your presence. You thought about the sensation of being watched at night while laying in bed, the darkness that seemed to move in the corner of your room, but you couldn’t bring yourself to ask such an outrageous question, so instead you asked, “Do you really fly?”

A small, teasing smile lifted his lips. “That is how you made it into this House, no?”

Your cheeks heated in embarrassment. That was a ridiculous question. If Rhys could fly you up this mountain, obviously Azriel could too. He must have sensed your embarrassment, though, because he said more seriously, “Yes, I do fly.”

You swallowed, struggling to think of something else to say. “Do you like it?”

His face seemed to soften, the morning sun gleaming off his golden skin. “More than anything.”

Your eyes glanced at the shadows retreating into the darker corners of his chair. “Do they…tell you things?”

He looked at his shadows, before nodding. “A convenient skill for a spymaster,” he said softly.

Your eyes widened slightly. “Spymaster?”

“Yes,” he said slowly, his brows furrowing. “How much have you been told about our court?”

You looked away from him, focusing on the soft satin slippers Morrigan had given you yesterday. The first gift you had accepted from the cheerful blonde. “Not much,” you admitted. “I’ve really only spoken to Rhys and Morrigan. Morrigan checks on me every day, but they have their hands full right now.”

His nostrils flared a bit as he took in a breath. “That’s not an excuse,” he told you quietly.

The heat on your cheeks spread down your neck as you also admitted, “I also haven’t exactly been an enthusiastic guest.”

Understanding flooded his features, his eyes rife with sympathy that you immediately wanted to run from. You didn’t want his pity. You didn’t want anyone’s pity. You just wanted to be spoken to like a human—or fae—whatever the hell you should even call yourself now. Regardless, you didn’t like being handled with kid gloves. Hiding away in your room probably wasn’t the best strategy to convince people that you were not fragile, but it was better than seeing that look every time you spoke with someone.

“Why are you spying on me then?” you blurted in a desperate attempt to redirect the conversation. Which, you supposed you did, but you also felt the little dignity you still clung to shrivel up inside your chest.

Azriel was clearly taken aback by the boldfaced accusation, and you couldn’t blame him. Who did you think you were? Not only had you barged in on the Night Court’s spymaster and pestered him with your questions, but then you decided to accuse him of invading your privacy, and you didn’t even know the poor male. “I’m sorry,” you sputtered out. “It’s just, I feel like I’m being watched at night. Like the shadows in my room are alive, and now seeing yours, I just thought—maybe I wasn’t actually losing my mind. But I’m probably just paranoid, I never should have suggested—”

“It’s okay,” he cut off your rambling gently. He cast a glare at his retreating shadows, before looking at you again. His cheeks were tinted pink, and you took an involuntary step forward as your heart flipped. “I do control the shadows—most of the time. But it seems they decided to take it upon themselves to watch over our guests while I’ve been…indisposed. I wasn’t even aware until now, I’m sorry.”

You shook your head a bit. “They don’t bother me, I was just…confused I guess. This entire place is confusing to me,” you added softly.

“I can imagine,” he said. You shifted again, rubbing your forearm. You let yourself look at him closely, just for a minute, just long enough to notice the honey hazel eyes that watched you carefully, and the dark swirls of ink creeping out from the neckline of his black shirt. You swallowed hard, feeling unsteady in his presence in a way you’ve never experienced, as if your body was begging you to move closer to him, but your mind and logic were pulling you back.

You forced yourself to step back toward the doorway. “I should go,” you said quietly. “I’m glad you are doing better.” With that, you shut the glass double doors behind you, and darted down the hallway to the safety of your room as your heart threatened to beat right out of your chest.

~ ~ ~

“Hello.”

You jumped at the male voice behind you, placing a hand on your chest as you turned to face Azriel. He was smiling softly, and your face flushed from having been caught. You glanced at Cassian and Feyre training in the courtyard before looking back at him.

“Hi,” you replied sheepishly.

“You don’t have to hide here, you know,” he said genuinely, no teasing in his voice.

You bit your lip, glancing at the stone floor. It had been a week since Feyre had returned, and while it was great to have her back, nothing else had changed much. You had been here for over a month now, and you still wore the same plain gowns, and you were still in the same overly luxurious room, and Nesta had only spoken to you once. You supposed your conversation was better than you could have hoped, given the reported vitriol she seemed to spit at everyone else, but she was still so cold and detached. You missed your friend, and you missed having purpose in your daily life.

“You could train too,” Azriel said softly, and your eyes snapped to him. “If you want.”

You opened and closed your mouth. You had caught glimpses of Feyre training with Cassian the last few days, and today your curiosity got the better of you when you walked by the training room and heard them sparring. Logically, you knew you could have just walked in and watched them, rather than hiding in the plants framing the entryway, but you also feared they might have asked you to join them if they saw you. “I don’t want to fight,” you mumbled, avoiding Azriel’s stare.

He didn’t say anything for a minute, prompting you to glance up at him. There was no judgment in his gaze. There was nothing but pure understanding that made you feel overly exposed. The urge to scamper off and hide was biting at you, and you curled your hands into fists as you anxiously waited for him to say something.

“What do you like to do?”

The question startled you, and you frowned as you met his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“How do you like to spend your time? What did your life look like before…” he trailed off, and you winced at the words left unsaid. 

Azriel looked poised to apologize, but you answered hastily to avoid receiving any more pity. You weren’t some fragile doll, and you were tired of everyone walking on tip toes around you. “I like to sew.”

“Sew?”

You nodded. “Dresses.”

You didn’t miss his glance at your plain blue gown, and your cheeks flooded with heat. “Ironic, given my usual choice of attire. I know.”

Azriel’s eyes widened a bit. “That’s not—”

“It’s okay,” you assured, cheeks still warm. “I get it. Really. But the dresses I made were never…luxurious. They were practical. Necessary.” You bit your lip. “They were very mundane.”

Azriel’s face softened, and you braced yourself for the next question, for him to ask to see your dresses or when the last time you made something was (months, was the answer). “If you ever want to make something here,” he said quietly, “Just let one of us know. We’ll get you whatever you need.”

Your heart clenched. “Thank you,” you whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“As for training,” Azriel said, voice turning light, “you still could, even if you don’t want to fight. You can build your strength. Learn to defend yourself.”

Your eyes were drawn back toward Feyre, who was smiling with Cassian as she wiped sweat from her face. You nodded a bit, answering shyly, “I think I would like that, actually.”

~ ~ ~

When you told Azriel you wanted to train, you didn’t realize exactly what you had signed yourself up for. You had assumed he would ask Cassian to train you, just as he did with Feyre. Instead, when you showed up that first morning to train, you were startled to find the shadowsinger himself standing in the training room. Apparently, he was going to train you.

Two weeks had passed since then, and Azriel was brutal. He wasn’t harsh, or cruel, and he never yelled, but his demands were unrelenting. You had yet to even learn any sparring techniques. He said you needed to build your strength, to increase your bodily control, if you were to ever effectively protect yourself in the face of danger.

You supposed that made sense. He would be the one to know, after all, but it didn’t dull the ache ricocheting through your legs as you wobbly sat on the floor to catch your breath. You were dripping with sweat, your hair soaked and leathers damp. Most days you still couldn’t fathom that you were here, that you were training with a fae warrior while wearing pants.

A fae warrior that made your insides turn molten every time you met his eyes. You were fortunate he didn’t think anything of the flush in your cheeks every time he spoke to you during training. In any other scenario your schoolgirl crush would be embarrassingly obvious.

The toe of his boot nudged your outstretched calf. You glanced up at him through your haze of exhaustion, lifting a brow. “Get up,” was all he said.

You frowned, taking in a deep breath. “Azriel,” you groaned.

“I’m going to teach you something new.”

You perked up a bit at that, although the growing numbness of your legs protested. You pushed yourself to your feet anyway, willing your body to hold out a bit longer. Azriel might have been demanding with his training regime, but he had yet to push you past your limits.

He beckoned you to follow him to the center of the room, and you stopped a few feet in front of him. “You’re not ready to spar yet,” he said, and you glanced away, “but there are other defense mechanisms you need to learn first anyway. Sometimes, if someone has a hold of you, the best defense isn’t to fight at all, but to know how to get away.”

He took a step closer, his intense gaze somehow pulling yours back to his. “If you are ever in a situation where someone has control of you, if they are trying to take you somewhere or hurt you, your priority is to regain control, and then get the hell out. That’s it. Your safety is always your priority.”

You nodded in understanding, and the tension in his eyes seemed to relax a bit. His throat bobbed, and let out a breath before saying, “Today, you’re going to learn how to escape from someone else’s grasp.”

Excitement prickled at your skin, despite the terrifying circumstances that would have to arise for you to ever actually need to use these skills. It was just nice to finally learn something more technical than building your strength or endurance.

Azriel stepped even closer, and your heart skipped a beat at his proximity. He paused his movements, his eyes meeting yours again. “Are you comfortable with me touching you?”

Your eyes widened a bit, and you had to restrain the overeager yes! that nearly fell from your lips. You simply nodded, and when he still didn’t move, you quietly said, “That’s fine.”

Your skin was on fire before he even touched you, and it was a bit embarrassing, really, how starved you had become for someone else’s touch. Even if it was in the form of something as clinical as teaching self-defense. You were so isolated here, though, and it had been nearly two months since your life had been upended and you lost everything you knew and loved.

He moved behind you, and he slowly wrapped his arms around you, trapping your own against your sides. His chest was pressed to your back, his body heat mixing with your own, and his breath fanned across your cheek as he said, “If someone ever grabs you from behind like this, your goal is to get away.” He shifted his arms up to enclose around your throat, making your swallow hard. “If they have you in a chokehold, hit them in the groin, and when their hold loosens, you slip out.”

His arms moved back down to circle your middle, trapping your arms again. “I don’t get to try?” you asked innocently.

Azriel glanced at you from the corner of his eye. “Not today,” he said drily.

You smiled a bit, then refocused on your task at hand. “So if my arms are trapped,” you said, “then what do I do?”

His hold on you tightened a bit, and you did your best to ignore the pounding in your chest. “If your arms are trapped like this,” he said, voice low, “then you move down. Squat and spread your arms at the same time to break their hold, and then push them away.” He squeezed you. “Try.”

You took in a breath, nerves fluttering in your chest. You tried to squat, but Azriel only followed your movement, and you couldn’t get your arms free. You stood back up, letting out a huff.

There was laughter in his voice as he said, “Try again. This time do it faster.”

You tried again, but Azriel’s hold was unrelenting. “I feel ridiculous,” you muttered, still trapped against him.

“You forgot to spread your arms, it needs to be a fluid motion if you want to loosen their hold enough. Again.”

“What,” Nesta’s icy cold voice sliced through the room, “are you doing?”

You tensed, and Azriel’s arms slowly fell away. You blinked at your friend standing in the doorway, her hair pulled back in her usual impeccable braids and her eyes filled with her usual ice. Although, usually that icy gaze wasn’t directed toward you.

Your face flushed under her scrutiny, and you scrambled for an explanation, but words seemed to fail you. You hadn’t done anything wrong, but the butterflies that had been fluttering around in your chest seemed to drop dead, settling heavy in your stomach as you stood in front of your friend. Your friend who was also forced into the cauldron, who was also struggling while you were busy nursing your growing infatuation with the fae male at your side.

“Azriel is training me,” you said softly.

“Why?” she demanded, her eyes sparking as she turned her gaze on the male.

“She asked,” he answered simply.

Nesta took a step closer, her voice dripping with venom as she said, “I doubt that.” She scoffed. “You faerie males are all so entitled and overbearing. As if I believe for a second that you didn’t plant this foolish notion in her head,” she spat. “She doesn’t need to train, and she doesn’t need you panting after her.”

You could practically feel the tension thrumming off of Azriel, but something inside you snapped at the way she spoke to him, to the one person that had bothered to make a connection with you since arriving in this court. “Enough,” you growled. Nesta blinked, her mouth falling shut. “Azriel offered to train me, and I said yes, because I want to. I want to feel strong. I want to know how to defend myself. I will never,” you seethed, “let myself feel as helpless as I did two months ago.”

You heard Azriel’s leathers shift next to you, his arm brushing against yours. That brief touch was enough to ground you, an inexplicable calm flowing through you. You let out a breath, your gaze softening but unwavering as you looked at Nesta. “It is helping me,” you said, voice softer, “To have a routine. To have a goal. You are welcome to join us.”

Nesta only stared for a minute, her eyes flickering with indecipherable emotion before she pursed her lips. “No.” With that, she turned on her heel, and left the same way she came.

Your mouth was dry as you stared at the empty doorway. Azriel’s hand on your shoulder jolted you from your stupor, but it fell as you turned to face him. “I’m sorry,” you murmured.

“She is hurting,” Azriel said, and a small part of you warmed at his ability to see beneath the icy armor Nesta liked to sheath herself in. You were all hurting, and while you desperately wished she would just talk to you, you knew Nesta, and you knew she would rather build a fortress around herself that let anyone see her tremble. “But you shouldn’t apologize for others’ wrongs,” he added gently.

You bit the inside of your cheek, nodding. Your stomach swooped as you looked at him, thinly veiled concern shadowing his face. You couldn’t shake the pull you felt toward him, and now it left you feeling unnerved more than giddy. “Can we be done for today?” you asked, voice small.

Azriel frowned, but nodded nonetheless. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine.” You tried to smile, but you knew it didn’t meet your eyes. “I’m just exhausted.”

“Okay,” he acquiesced. “Same time tomorrow then?”

“Yeah,” you rasped. “See you tomorrow.” As soon as the words left your lips, you darted out of the training room, mind reeling as you thought about Nesta’s scornful words. 

You did want to train, you knew that, but what you couldn’t wrap your head around was how easily you had agreed to Azriel’s offer to teach you. Why did spending time with him every morning seem to soothe the ache that clawed at your chest from all that you had lost? Why did he make you feel at peace, when the very body you now resided in was the product of turmoil and violence? The realizations were jarring, and the questions they raised made your head swim as you fell into your bed, forgoing the removal of your leathers as you succumbed to your exhaustion.

~ ~ ~

Your eyes scanned the bodies moving from one tent to the next, fires crackling around you as camp members cooked or gathered around for warmth in the chill of the night. Nesta stood next to you, observing the camp’s nervous energy silently.

“Do you think we’ll have another night here?” you asked quietly.

A beat passed before she replied, “No, I don’t.”

You swallowed hard, your heart lodged in your throat. Your eyes scanned the grounds again, and in your soul you knew what you were really looking for—who you were looking for. There was no sign of the blue siphoned Illryian, and every minute, every hour that passed without laying your eyes on him intensified the growing pain in your chest.

“He’ll be fine,” Nesta said, albeit a tad begrudgingly. You weren’t sure how she knew where your anxiety truly lied, but you didn’t question her. You didn’t say anything.

Ever since Nesta barged in on your training session with Azriel, the rest of your sessions had been more tense, less fluid. You were sure it was your fault, your mind overthinking your growing friendship with the fae male, but nonetheless you longed for your early morning sessions in the face of this war. It was hard to comprehend just how much had changed in the matter of weeks.

Once Adriata was attacked, time for your training sessions became minimal, until they eventually fizzled out completely after the High Lords meeting. You understood, of course, but you couldn’t quell the longing you felt for Azriel in his absence. It was foolish, how attached you had grown to him after a month of knowing him, but you tried to give yourself grace given the circumstances you had been thrusted into. 

The only positive change over those weeks had been Nesta’s rekindling of your friendship. She seeked you out one night to drag you to the private library of the House of Wind, and the two of you chatted quietly over books beside the fire. It was the most normal experience you’d had since arriving in the Night Court, and it bandaged the wound that was starting to fester from Nesta’s absence. You still hadn’t talked about what happened to the two of you, about your futures in Prythian, in a world of faeries. Neither of you were ready for those conversations yet.

You sighed, releasing a fraction of the tension in your shoulders. You said nothing before moving back toward the main tent, hoping you might be able to get some sleep before returning to the healers’ tent to help. 

“Where is Y/N?”

His voice washed over you as you pushed through the flaps, entering the small area illuminated in faelights. You stopped at the sight of his wings splattered in blood, his dark hair matted to his head as he spoke with Feyre.

“Azriel?” you rasped. Azriel turned toward you, his body visibly relaxing when he saw you.

Your eyes were wide as he strode for you, his face speckled in blood and grime. His blue siphons seemed dimmer than usual, and his black leathers and armor were darker in some areas. “Are you okay?” you asked breathlessly, fearing the worst, even though he was standing right in front of you.

“I’m okay,” he said quietly, eyes soft. His gaze drifted up and down your body, his shadows mirroring his assessment. The cool brush of the tendrils left goosebumps across your skin, and you briefly wondered why that was the first time he had let them touch you. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly, eyes brimming with worry.

“I’m fine,” you assured. His hands grasped your upper arms firmly, the tension of his grasp mirroring that on his face. You wrapped your fingers around one of his wrists. “I promise.”

His grip loosened marginally. “Why aren’t you wearing armor?” he asked.

“I’m working in the healers’ tent.”

He shook his head. “That doesn’t matter. You still need to protect yourself—”

“I will get her armor, Az,” Feyre’s voice cut through your bubble as she placed a hand on his shoulder. His eyes shone with thanks as she smiled slightly, her eyes limned with exhaustion. “I’m going to try to sleep. Let me know if you need me,” she said quietly, before disappearing from the tent, leaving the two of you alone.

Azriel’s breathing was heavy as you stared at each other, soaking in each other’s presence. “I need you to do something for me,” he said roughly. He dropped his hands from your shoulders to unsheath the dagger at his side. Your heart lurched as he handed it to you. You shakily grasped the dagger by the hilt, the blade surprisingly light and thrumming with energy. “It’s called Truth Teller,” he told you. “I need you to take care of it for me.”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, shock stealing your words. “Azriel—”

“I want you to use it. If you need it, use it. Do not hesitate to protect yourself,” he ordered, eyes pleading. “Do you understand me?”

You absently nodded, glancing down at the black dagger clutched in your hand. The dagger you had never seen Azriel without. He stepped away to grab something off the table, returning with a leather belt in his hands. “Wear this.” He held it up, and you noticed the perfectly sized dagger sheath fastened to the belt.

Your heart stopped beating as his hands circled your waist to wrap the brown leather around you. He easily fastened the buckle, pulling the material taught around you. When he was done, he tugged at the buckle, his fingers grazing your waist and making your skin heat. Seemingly satisfied, he reached for the dagger in your hand, carefully pulling it from your grasp and sheathing it in your belt. You swallowed hard as you looked between the dagger and the male in front of you.

“I have to leave again,” he said quietly. “I don’t know when I’ll be back. Please, just,” his voice caught in his throat, “please stay safe.”

He squeezed your hand gently before moving toward the tent’s exit. You quickly caught his wrist, yanking him to a halt. His eyes were confused and weary with exhaustion, but you didn’t second guess yourself as you threw your arms around his neck, desperate to keep him here with you. He leaned down to meet your embrace, his own arms snaking around your waist to hold you close. His face nuzzled into your neck as yours pressed against his chest, and you breathed in his cedar scent that made you feel closer to home than you had in weeks.

“I need you to stay safe too,” you whispered into his chest. A shadow brushed your cheek as you closed your eyes, willing this moment to last a little longer.

A heavy silence fell around the two of you, and your chest grew tighter as every second passed. “Promise me, Azriel,” you begged, voice rough with the emotions threatening to spill out of you.

He lifted a hand to the back of your head, his hand gently threading through your hair. “I’ll do my best.”

You pulled back to look at him, his hands falling to rest on your hips as yours moved to rest on his chest plated with armor. His fingers pressed into your hips as he said with more conviction, “I promise I’ll do my best to make it back.”

Your eyes stung as you accepted that was the best he could give you. You couldn’t even begin to process why you were so attached to a male you had known barely a month, but the thought of losing him to this dreadful war felt like someone struck your chest with an ax.

His face was rife with conflict and agony as his glossy eyes stayed glued to your face. You wished you knew what plagued him at that very moment, if there was anything you could have done to alleviate some of that pain and anxiety for even a second.

His throat bobbed, a muscle twitching in his cheek as the two of you stood there, still holding on to each other. Eventually, he slowly leaned down, and pressed a fierce, lingering kiss to your forehead. Your eyelids fluttered shut, and when his touch fell away, and you forced yourself to open your eyes again, you watched his lingering shadows slip out of the tent where their master had disappeared from your sight.

~ ~ ~

The first few weeks following the war were a strange form of purgatory that left you feeling unsteady and filled with an entirely new form of anxiety. You hated feeling that way, too. You and your friends had all survived a war, and you were left worrying about your immortal future in this land that was frankly still foreign to you. You resided in a court that had taken you in after your human life was a casualty of their war, but now that war was over, and you didn’t know how to operate. You didn’t know what your daily life should look like, what relationships with those around you would look like when you weren’t facing an imminent threat.

It didn’t help that you had not genuinely spoken to Azriel since he gave you his dagger in that war tent. You had silently handed it back to him in the hours after you and Elain had slain the King of Hybern with the weapon. His eyes were wide and limned with weary exhaustion mixed with a hesitant relief as he took it from you. Neither of you said a word though, and then he was quickly swept away into dealing with the aftermath of the war. You could not fault him for it. You couldn’t fault anyone for the limbo you had been stranded in, and part of you was ashamed for your growing anxiety, so you had resorted to staying out of the way while everyone scrambled to handle the fallout from the war.

Any progress you and Nesta had made seemed to vanish with the death of her father. She wasn’t speaking to anyone, as far as you knew, after vacating the House of Wind. Elain had moved in with Feyre at the Townhouse, so that left you here, alone in the House of Wind with occasional run-ins with Cassian at meal times, whose eyes were weary with his own anxieties. Part of you thought your missing friend might be the cause of much of his tension.

You didn’t know where Azriel was. Some nights you thought he might have been there, as you laid awake in bed and a sixth sense sent a wave of comforting warmth through your chest while the shadows of the night seemed to pulse around you. It always quickly faded, though, and he was never there the next morning. 

Sleep started to evade you as your listlessness and uncertainty of your future grew. Your mind was churning with scenarios and possibilities for your future, for ways you could contribute to this foreign court and city you now had to call home. Usually, you would just lay with your thoughts throughout the hours of the night until dawn eventually broke, but that night, the walls seemed to be closing in as you wallowed in your loneliness and fear, as memories of the war started to flash in your head. You couldn’t stay in that room a second longer, so you meandered down the dimly lit stone halls until you reached the kitchen.

You put a kettle on, and then you started rifling through the cupboards until you found a mug and some tea. You didn’t recognize the herbs, but you figured Rhys’s taste in tea was as extravagant as everything else in his life. You placed the sachet in the mug before putting the rest in the cupboard, then rested your weight on the counter in front of you as you waited for the water in the kettle to heat.

“That’s an aphrodisiac.”

You screamed at the sudden voice behind you, whirling to find Azriel sitting at the small table a few feet away from you, his form barely illuminated by the moonlight leaking in. You rested a hand over your heart, your breathing heavy from the scare he gave you. “What are you doing?” you asked him, exasperated.

He stood up from his chair to move closer, his face slowly growing more visible in the dim faelight of the kitchen. “I’m sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I realized you didn’t see me when you came in, and I didn’t want to scare you, but then I watched you pull out that damned tea Cassian bought last solstice and…” his voice trailed off.

You nodded, looking around the space awkwardly. You didn’t really know what to say to the male in front of you, but you did have one, nagging question that had plagued your thoughts these last few weeks. “Where have you been?” Your mouth was dry as you forced the words out, fearing you were overstepping, that you had no place to ask such a question.

Something indecipherable flickered in Azriel’s gaze, but you didn’t think it was irritation. “Everywhere,” he said quietly, as if he didn’t want to disturb the fragile silence the night surrounded you in. “But Autumn, mostly.”

You weren’t entirely sure what you were expecting him to say, but part of you didn’t expect him to have a genuine response. Shame curdled in your gut for the resentment that had started to simmer in you for his absence, when he’s been busy taking care of his home.

“Where have you been?” he returned your question almost playfully, and your heart hurt when you wondered if he didn’t feel the same longing you did during these weeks you’ve spent apart.

“Here,” you answered honestly, voice forcibly light.

Azriel blinked, his shadows stilling. “What do you mean?”

You shrugged, leaning back on the counter as if you could create some more distance between the two of you. “Everyone has been busy dealing with the consequences of the war.” You gave him a small, self-deprecating smile. “I’m pretty much useless right now, so I’ve just been trying to stay out of the way.”

Azriel looked like you had struck him, and your stomach dropped as you realized you might have been too honest with him. You should be practically oozing gratitude for his court’s hospitality, and here you were whining to him, of all people.

He grabbed your hand, gently tugging you to follow after him toward the balcony. His scarred fingers laced with yours, and your heartbeat skyrocketed at the unexpected touch. The cool night air felt a bit harsh on your flushed cheeks, and Azriel’s warm hand in yours contrasted with the chill around you.

He stopped in the center of the balcony, pulling you close to him, and you reluctantly let go when he loosened his grip on your hand. “What are we doing?” you asked.

He grinned, and your stomach flipped. “Remember when you asked me if I could fly?”

Your cheeks heated. “Yes,” you mumbled. The thoughtless question was embarrassing, but you told yourself it was worth it to learn how much flying meant to him.

“Let me show you why I love it,” he told you, voice tender.

Your eyes widened. “You want to take me flying?”

He nodded, expression hopeful. “Do you want to?”

You bit your lip, glancing at the city of Velaris beneath you. “I’m a bit nervous,” you admitted, laughing a bit.

His gaze softened. “I promise you’ll be safe,” he assured you.

With a sudden, unwavering certainty, you knew that you would be safe with Azriel, so you simply nodded. His smile widened, and your heart soared for being the cause of it. He held his arms out a bit, palms up, and your body thrummed with anticipation when you realized what exactly flying with Azriel entailed.

You took a small step forward, shyness creeping in as you met his eyes hesitantly, but before you could overthink or question what you should do, Azriel swooped you off your feet, an arm under your legs and back. A small gasp escaped you, and your arms instinctively looped around his neck. You had only flown one other time, that first day you arrived in Velaris with Rhysand. During the war, you had been winnowed around to wherever you needed to go, and since then you had been stuck on this mountain.

You knew you could have asked Cassian to take you to the city. You knew he would have done it in a heartbeat, but you couldn’t muster the courage to leave the House, to face the new city you were supposed to build a life in. Somehow, the prospect of leaving here with Azriel made it all a little less daunting.

“Ready?” he asked, his breath lightly fanning across your face.

You simply nodded and tightened your hold on the male. Wind rushed around you as his massive wings pushed you up into the air, and you were quickly suspended high over the mountain. You kept your face tucked into him as you listened to the heavy beat of his wings.

“Are you okay?” he asked into your ear.

Goosebumps littered your skin. “Great,” you rasped.

You felt the vibration of his laugh against your face. “Then take a look around you.” Then, he added, “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Reluctantly, you pulled your face from his chest, forcing yourself to look down at the city below you. The lights of the shops and restaurants glittered across the city, and bodies moved between buildings, with laughter and chatter faintly reaching your ears even all the way up here. Another heightened sense that came with being fae that you had yet to grow accustomed too. “Is it always so busy? Even in the middle of the night?”

“They do call it the City of Starlight,” was his coy response.

“Right,” you mumbled. “It’s beautiful.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “It is.”

The two of you stayed quiet for the rest of the flight over the city, with you resting your head on his chest and his hands clutching you close to him. You admired his wings that were near iridescent in the moonlight, and you wondered what they would feel like under your fingertips. You were nearing an outcropping on the side of the mountain when you asked, “Your wings…how do they feel?”

Azriel tilted his head toward you, studying your face a bit. “They’re delicate,” he said slowly, “but they’re also durable. Strong. They are uh,” he seemed to fumble over his words. “They’re also very sensitive.”

“Sensitive?”

“To touch.”

“Oh,” you murmured. “So it hurts to touch them?” You couldn’t deny the twinge of disappointment you felt. 

“Not that kind of sensitive,” he corrected, voice thick.

You caught the hint of a blush on his cheeks, and your own quickly bloomed as you caught on. “Oh.”

Azriel cleared his throat, then abruptly dove toward the outcropping below. You squeezed him a little tighter, and when he eventually settled on the stone, you had to pry your hands from around his neck so he could set you down.

You looked up at the stars glistening through the tree canopies, mesmerized by their abundance and luminescence. Your gaze slowly moved to the shimmering city beneath you, taking in the view from a different angle that the House of Wind. You were much closer to the sea here, and you could smell the salt and surf that lingered in the air. A strange melancholy filled your veins as you stared down at the city you had resided in for months and had yet to walk to the streets of, that you had yet to integrate into because you were scared of failing to find a new purpose with your life. The only skill you possessed was dressmaking, and underwhelming ones at that.

“I’m not sure how much you’ve been able to explore Velaris yet—” Azriel said from behind you.

“I haven’t.”

A beat passed. “What?”

“I haven’t.” You licked your lips, your gaze fleetingly meeting his worried one. “I haven’t visited the city.”

“I knew you hadn’t when we were training,” he said, voice soft with disbelief, “But I thought, once we came back from the war…”

You didn’t answer him, and he didn’t say anything else, so instead you asked, “Why did you just disappear?” Azriel went still, but you continued, “Why didn’t you…talk to me?” You wondered if you sounded as pathetic as you felt. You knew he didn’t owe you anything, but you couldn’t deny the part of you that thought the two of you had at least become friends over the last couple of months.

Seconds passed before Azriel finally said, “I was trying to give you space.”

“Space?” you asked incredulously. You couldn’t help the laugh of disbelief that escaped you as you turned to fully face the male. “Why would I ever want you to give me space?” You met his eyes, shaking your head. “Azriel, you are the only one who—” You cut yourself off, unsure of where you were even going with your rambling.

His lips parted, and his shadows swirled around him restlessly, but he didn’t say anything.

“Ever since I arrived in this court, I have felt so alone,” you breathed out. “My best friend won’t speak to me, and I don’t know anyone else. But you,” you took a deep breath, trying to stabilize the tremble in your voice, “you made it better. You were my first friend. Maybe, maybe I misread—”

“You didn’t,” he rushed out, voice almost desperate. His eyes were wide and stricken, but you couldn’t understand what he was thinking or why he had avoided you for weeks to then suddenly take you for a midnight flight around the city.

You let out a breath, your exhaustion from everything weighing you down. “I feel so detached from everyone and everything around me,” you whispered. “I have no purpose here. I have no powers, I can’t fight, I know nothing about political strategy, I—”

“You’re my mate.”

Your breath caught in your throat as you processed the words that fell from Azriel’s mouth. Your lips were parted as you stared at him, his  eyes glossy as he stared back. “What?” you asked, voice trembling.

“You’re my mate,” he repeated, breathless. “I—” He paused, licking his lips and rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t mean to imply that that’s your purpose, but it kills me,” his voice cracked, “It kills me that you feel this way, because you are my everything.”

A tear fell down your cheek as you listened to his words, as you understood their meaning. A mate. You were Azriel’s mate. The world felt like it was tilting beneath you.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t realize.” He took in a shuddering breath. “I let my own insecurities keep me away from you. I thought, when you didn’t talk to me after the war ended, that I had overstepped. I have never wanted to push myself or the bond on you, but during the war, when I was so scared of losing you—” He shook his head, running a hand over his face. “I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, so I stayed away. Had I known you had been so isolated, so lonely, I would have been here.”

“I, um,” you cleared your throat. “I don’t really know what to think right now.”

“That’s okay,” he said softly.

You held his gaze as you rasped, “I don’t really know anything about mates, except that Rhys and Feyre are each other’s.”

“I know,” he assured, taking a tentative step forward. “I don’t expect anything from you. I will take whatever it is you’re willing to give me, in whatever time it takes.”

You nodded, lips wavering. “Thank you.”

Your eyes fell from his glistening eyes to his soft lips, and while you knew you needed time before you could fall into being someone’s mate, whatever that entailed, you also knew you wanted to kiss the male that stood before you and had made you feel safe, at peace, every time he was near. You took a step closer, your chests nearly touching. You met his eyes shyly. “Can I…”

“Yes,” he breathed, his own head tilting down to give you easier access.

You raised yourself up on your toes to reach his lips, yours molding easily with his. A slow, comforting warmth flowed up through your chest as you pressed your lips against his, neither of you pushing for more than the chance to explore each other in this new and intimate way. Eventually, you pulled back, falling back onto your feet to stare up at Azriel’s reverent gaze.

“I don’t know much about mates,” you breathed, head still spinning, “but I would like to learn.”

A soft smile pulled at his lips. “I would be honored to teach you.”

You hummed, toying with one of the clasps on his leathers. “I suppose you are a decent teacher.”

Azriel’s hands rested on your hips, pulling you close. “Decent?”

You grinned. “Satisfactory.”

His eyes glinted. “I guess I have room for improvement then.” He pressed a quick, easy kiss to your lips, and your heart flipped when he pulled away, looking at you in awe.

“Yeah,” you agreed, heart tumbling in your chest. “I guess so.”

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

it's the shadows

pairing: azriel x reader (heavily), cassian x reader, rhysand x reader

word count: 1.2k (i intended for this to be a drabble but i can't ever shut the hell up)

summary: reader is close friends with az, cass, and rhys, but is very obviously pining for azriel. the four of you are drunk and cassian just has to know which one of them would be the best in bed. sexual tension ensues. duh.

while this entire debate was absolutely ridiculous - one may argue even downright childish - you couldn't stop the grin that was spreading across your cheeks.

you couldn't remember the last time you'd laughed this hard. your stomach was aching, cheeks sore. dried tears were collecting at the corners of your eyes. there'd be a lull in the conversation, a period of time that allowed all of you to calm down and collect yourselves, before you'd inevitably meet one of their mischievous gazes and fits of laughter would begin all over again.

"seriously, y/n?," cassian inquired, voice booming. you snorted at his dumbfounded expression, at the fact that the four of you had finally calmed down, just for cass to loop back to the topic that had you all howling in laughter in the first place.

"azriel?," he continued, pointer finger gesturing towards the male sitting opposite from you in the sitting room. cassian had a half-full wine glass in his large hand, the liquid sloshing around precariously as he motioned in the shadowsinger's direction. "the motherfucker doesn't even speak!," he finished, causing you to erupt in another alcohol-induced fit of giggles.

azriel smiled warmly at the sight, shaking his head in mock exasperation at his brother's disbelief. az took a sip from the glass of wine he'd been nursing at a much slower pace compared to the rest of you.

rhys chuckled now, sitting alongside cassian on the plush sofa. he shoved the war general on his broad shoulder playfully, gesturing towards azriel himself, "he doesn't need to speak in this particular scenario, brother," he purred, his own wine sloshing within his grip.

azriel's cheeks tinted red at the implication, shifting his gaze down to his lap to hide a dimpled smirk.

"and see, that's what i'm saying," you added, throwing your hands up in agreement. you sat on the floor, upon the cushioned carpet that spread throughout the sitting room. you glanced up at azriel, a fond smile playing across your lips as you met his bashful gaze.

"he doesn't need to use words, cassian. i stand by my original statement: azriel is absolutely the most capable male in bed out of the three of you," you couldn't even finish the sentence without giggling, awestruck at cassian's ability to always turn the conversation back to this topic in particular.

you'd been close to all three of them for so long, and cassian - with his overly-competitive nature - just had to know, from a female's perspective, which male you thought would be the best in the bedroom. even though your answer was always the same: azriel.

was it because you may have been harboring feelings for the aforementioned male? perhaps. however, you didn't need to be pining after him to come to that conclusion; it felt like the obvious choice, regardless.

azriel glanced over at you with silent pride flooding his gaze, and you winked at him playfully in response. "i've got your back, az," you slurred, alcohol heavy in your veins. you reached over to poke him in the kneecap gently, and he huffed out a laugh.

"thank you, sweet," he spoke, tone gravelly, and you felt your chest grow fuzzy at the nickname he reserved just for you.

"oh, come ON," cassian scoffed, rolling his eyes dramatically. rhys barked out a laugh, tossing his head back against the headrest of the quilted couch.

you laughed along with rhys, sitting closer to azriel's legs now. az reached down, smoothing a section of your hair that had grown disheveled during your laughing fits throughout the evening. you were hyper-aware of his touch, and currants of electricity shot down your spine as the contact mixed with the wine in your system.

"i'm going to go out on a limb here," cassian started, pausing to take a sip from his glass. you rolled your eyes, bracing yourself for the familiar statement preparing to spill from his lips. "and i'm going to say that your opinion on this particular topic is heavily biased," he finished, knowing hazel eyes glancing from you, up to azriel, and back down to you.

you groaned in mock annoyance, flipping your hand in a dismissive gesture.

"yeah, yeah, cass, i know," you huffed out a breath, narrowing your eyes, "you're so convinced that i want to be in azriel's bed," you finished, pausing for dramatic effect before speaking further. cassian scoffed, his eyes widening slightly as if to say duh.

the alcohol was making you feel bolder than normal, and honestly, it's not like you were completely shy about your attraction towards azriel. it was a commonly known fact, one that all of you tended to play into from time to time - an inside joke, a bit.

however, while the attraction was known, you'd never confessed to any of them your very real feelings for azriel. that aspect wasn't a joke to you in the slightest.

"it's the shadows," you deadpanned, shrugging your shoulders sloppily.

cassian and rhys paused for a moment, absorbing your statement. then, they both erupted into howling laughter, and you weren't far behind them. you heard azriel's low chuckle from where he sat behind you, and he sent one of those mentioned shadows from within his twining orbit to twirl through your hair playfully.

cassian collected himself, shaking his head as he wiped his eyes.

"what kind of shit are you into, y/n?," cass wheezed out, and rhys laughed harder at his follow-up question.

you sniffled, wiping your own eyes before responding, "i mean, you really cannot blame me," you mused, gesturing towards azriel once more, "have you really not stopped to consider this at all?," you widened your eyes, stunned.

as if to prove a point, you turned your head towards azriel, locking your curious eyes with his amused ones.

"azriel, have you or have you not used your shadows on someone during sex?," you asked, extremely forward.

he almost choked at the question, cheeks turning crimson. cassian and rhys resumed their howling, but you peered at him expectantly.

he couldn't deny you an answer, not when you looked at him like that - innocent-looking wide eyes, cheeks pink from the wine. and was there a large, screaming part of him that wanted to entice you with his bedroom habits?

perhaps.

he nodded once, a dimpled smirk appearing across his pink cheeks.

"i have," he spoke, deep voice cutting through the laughter.

everyone paused at his words - you'd all half-expected him to evade the question altogether. but here he was, divulging life-altering, world-ending information that had your brain short-circuiting in one fatal blow.

the silence was deafeningly loud, and your expression shifted in a way that had azriel knowing exactly what you were thinking. your eyes had widened and glossed over, your mouth was agape. his smirk grew, forming into something more playful.

and to prove his point, he sent one more shadow your way to lightly twirl through your fingers and caress up your arm, looping around your neck gently.

cass sent a low whistle into the dead silence of the room, croaking out a laugh. "well, fuck, az," he chuckled, downing the rest of his drink.

"you win," cassian added, awestruck - shaking his head in defeat.

you didn't even hear what was happening around you, too focused on azriel - his darkened gaze as he peered down at you, and the feeling of that tendril of shadow tightening around your throat in silent challenge.

a/n: i'm so sorry. i'm spamming u with all of these ideas but hear me out, i have to get them out immediately. pls don't hate me. but this one had me sweating lmfao. sucker for sexual tension as always!!!

[lili-of-the-wildfire]

Starborn, Fireheart & Lady Death - CC, TOG & ACOTAR

Artist: renata_watsonn