#genuinely do not know how kim dokja does it

[sharksliveontrains]

could not imagine being mentally ill enough to read 3 THOUSAND chapters of the same book especially when you are waiting for a new chapter every week

[tls12lessthan3]

can i tell you guys about my interpretation of a no-scenarios relationship between kim dokja and yoo sangah. im gonna do it anyway. the thing about a no-scenarios relationship of any kind between kim dokja and yoo sangah, for me, is i really think it would be so difficult for a genuine connection to form between them because kim dokja ultimately dehumanizes and fictionalises her the same way he does yoo joonghyuk. like his specific brand of dissosiation works as him viewing the world through the lens of fiction and he applies that so heavily to yoo sangah when we first meet her. she and him already have some vague form of relationship by this point - i would not call them friends but he moved those cameras for her! he kept her secret! and she knew and trusted him to an extent. that is on top of their teamwork in the job interview.

but we know none of this when we first meet yoo sangah because dokja views her as a heroine who would never cross genres with him, and he erases their history together in the process. he does the same thing with her putting pepper in her boss's coffee - thats not something a perfect pretty heroine would do so we have no idea she did it until she tells us, because kim dokja sort of - filters it out. he smoothes down the edges of her reality as a person and all the 'out of character' things she does into an easily digestible character he can push away as 'from a different genre'. and this is a massive fucking disservice to yoo sangah!! for the same reasons what kim dokja does to yoo joonghyuk is a massive fucking disservice to him!!

shes not a heroine! shes not perfect! shes not from a different genre! shes just a person and she wants to be your friend! i think if they were friends outside of the scenario kim dokja would a) try and push her away and more interestingly to me b) he would continue to try and slot her into his worldview as a 'heroine protagonist' and i think that would really grate on her. especially considering how the role kim dokja creates for her has some parallels to the one her parents made for her. kim dokjas lesson over orv of coming to understand the 'characters' as people is analogous for the one he would need in real life - just like his relationship with yoo joonghyuk couldnt reach its peak until he stopped viewing him as a character, he would need a similar journey of realization to start really understanding yoo sangah. its only then i could see them getting really close.

[orphiclovers]

Rereading early ORV and I have some THOUGHTS on Kim Dokja. In typical me fashion, they are unpopular. So if he's your absolute favourite character and seeing him be criticized will ruin your day, maybe skip this post, ok? Peace.

-

What is so novel and interesting about Kim Dokja is that he GENUINELY doesn't really have a knee jerk emotional reaction of outrage and empathy when seeing injustice happen. He sees something immoral and bad, but doesn't FEEL horrified and disgusted. Emotions don't drive him to attempt to fix the situation or save anyone.

Instead his moral compass is based on the simple logic that 'bad things happening should be prevented if there is an opportunity to prevent them.'

This philosophy is the most apparent in his actions in Chungmuro on the WHOLE, with the food and marginalized group and etc. But I will point out this moment in particular as an example of what I mean.

They see women be driven to prostitution to survive. Jung Heewon has an instinctive, human reaction of outrage and disgust, wants to rush in and save them and damn the consequences, while Kim Dokja is calm and rational, holding her back and saying those woman will starve if they try to help right now.

This lack of empathy (feeling strong emotions) is definitely due to childhood trauma stunting his emotional development but... that doesn't change the fact this is a legitimate part of his personality now.

Usually, when a character is 'cold and ruthless', it's because they are repressing their true feelings and forcing themselves to be unfeeling for some goal. Like Yoo Joonghyuk, for example.

But we are IN Kim Dokja's head and get to see the way he thinks, and being 'unfeelingly rational' IS what comes naturally to him.

Before you say anything, I know the Fourth Wall represses some of his emotions in certain situations and certainly helps him deal with pain and horror. But we are ALWAYS TOLD when it's active, and it isn't in these moments.

Blaming all of Kim Dokja's less than moral thoughts and behavior on the 4th wall even when there's no indication that it's influencing him at that particular moment, is not something I want to do as it feels like an attempt to scrub away his moral greyness. I choose to believe that his narration, in moments when he's not wrong or biased or 4th wall-ed, is a basically accurate representation of his character. I think the authors didn't make his narration totally 100% unreliable all the time, with no possible indication of where he's wrong or right. Because that would mean there is nothing a reader can latch onto and draw conclusions about KDJ from.

If they wanted to write about a faceless self insert with no concrete personality traits and flaws, a person you can headcanon to be anything, they wouldn't have written ORV.

I think it's okay to acknowledge Kim Dokja's first reaction to seeing a woman about to be raped is not 'oh my god...those bastards...! I have to stop this...!' but '...she might be dangerous or a hinderence in a future...'

We don't need to make excuses here and try to justify this. A moment later he catches himself thinking like this and 'shudders with disgust at himself.'

His first, instinctive thoughts that he can't control don't necessarily make him a bad person. What matters is his second thoughts and what he actually chooses to do, which he CAN control. I ALSO don't think he's wrong to feel disgusted at himself for having low empathy. His guilt is justified.

I genuinely like him even more for always picking the 'moral option' in every scenario now, than if he did it immediately with no hesitation. Because it makes empathy and compassion a constant choice he's making, and putting in the effort reflects well on what his values are.

Kim Dokja legitimately can't help but weigh everyone he meets on a scale of how 'useful they potenially are' first and foremost. He does this with strangers and also with all of kimcom too.

"Who should I save because they would be useful in the future? I wasn't Yoo Joonghyuk to be thinking about these things." At this point, chap 74, he thinks Yoo Joonghyuk is wrong and doesn't want to be like him at all and mostly calls him a psychopath. He thinks 'acting like him' is wrong and undesirable.

He has a mini arc about Yoo Joonghyuk later, goes from 'he's a bad person, I know it because I know everything about him' in chap 81 to 'maybe I don't know him at all' in chap 82 but this is before that.

Seeing people as tools and deciding who to save based on future knowledge is a thing BOTH of them do. Yet Kim Dokja critisizes Yoo Joonghyuk for it, it's his least favourite character trait that YJH of TWSA has.

And in typical Kim Dokja fashion, this similarity between them is exactly what he despises in Yoo Joonghyuk - but now we find out it's not because he finds it amoral ("I'm not a humanist" - he doesn't care about that part) but because he sees it as a mirror reflection of himself. He's projecting, as always!

In early ORV, he hates the part of Yoo Joonghyuk that is the most similar to himself. (even tho they're sort of the polar opposites too. Yoo Joonghyuk is a deeply emotionally driven person, he feels empathy and the desire to save everyone but chooses to repress and ignore this and act like a ruthless 'psychopath'. KDJ disagrees with this choice, as Kim Dokja IS an unfeeling psychopath (low empathy) but does his best to act like a decent person and not an edgelord.)

[metanarrates]

i have a lot of mixed feelings regarding trans headcanons in orv, or in general in fandom spaces because of how often its taking transmisogynistic jokes and bending them to actually have a cool and awesome meaning instead of just reading fiction with transgender characters. how do you feel about this as an everyone in orv is transfem poster (not accusatory tone i am genuinely wondering your take on this)

I think it's complicated because i Do agree that most trans headcanons in fandom are rooted in transphobic ideas, especially when it comes to transfem characters. I actually personally wouldn't trust most people who headcanon characters as trans unless they're able to point out when something in the text is transmisogynistic. and orv does have transmisogynistic stuff in it. the whole joke with nirvana and the entire scene with the pink kids is based around transfems being predators and men in disguise. I really don't want to hang around other orv fans unless they're able to point that out. (also, i would Definitely not trust anyone who refers to those characters as trans icons or whatever.)

I'll also fully admit that I don't remember the revolutionary arc all that well. at the time when I first read it, I just simply assumed that jang hayoung was meant to be a trans woman, and any issues kim dokja had with recognizing her gender was interesting because of how it tied into the metafictional elements about how characters can change beyond a reader's perception. from my recollection, and from the readings of other people in my life who have read the novel, it seemed canon that she was intentionally transfem. similarly, I felt like the plot point of "yoo joonghyuk has a female alter ego" was taken pretty seriously, rather than being a meanspirited joke. if I'm not remembering that right, though, please let me know.

orv in general has a problem in depictions of lgbt people. there's the abovementioned transmisogyny with nirvana and the pink kids, and there's also the undeniable fact that "kim dokja and yoo joonghyuk are gay but haha Not Actually" is leaned on a little bit too much as a joke. I have a similarly complicated relationship to the idea of shipping them for that reason - I think their relationship is meaningful and rich, but I really dislike that the fandom seems to just take that joke as an uncritical BL trope, rather than discussing how it's sometimes a bit homophobic. again, I don't trust joongdok shippers who aren't able to discuss this.

at the same time, though, I do think that if you're aware of the problems in the text, it's possible to construct a lot of rich meaning out of applying queer lenses to the text. there's a lot to dig into regarding how the story depicts gender, for example, and how it depicts transcendence and self-actualization. you can't credit the authors here - like I said, their writing has several issues with lgbt people. but as long as you aren't advertising the story as Queer Fiction, I find that it's extremely valuable to discuss how a trans reading might cast an interesting light onto a character. and on a more personal level, I think having these sorts of open discussions about both the problems and merits of trans readings, as well as the issues present in a text, do tend to make a lot of trans people feel more welcome in fan spaces. both are necessary for making a story and space that may be hostile towards them feel more welcoming.

yes, I do agree that it would probably be better to read fiction with better trans characters. those stories are out there! this is also why I am wary to praise singshong for jang hayoung's character - I don't think orv exactly Deserves a reputation as a trans inclusive story, especially when there's a lot more of those that are much better at it out there.

but at the end of the day, there are going to be trans people who do like orv, all the same. I'm one of them, though I will say upfront that I am tme and therefore much less affected by the story's problems. my fiancee is transfem and she likes it. a lot of my mutuals who like orv are trans. I don't think it's such a bad thing that we've constructed these community readings in a work we already liked for its other merits. we're going to be here anyway. as long as we do our best to be respectful and point out problems as they arise, I think it's a good thing that we're having these sorts of discussions.

[claire-want-to-sleep-all-day]

continue from this post

dokja's life is hectic. at least venti is there, with him. he covers dokja's ears when people discussing those nasty rumors, sings many many tunes to override those mocking laughters, tells dokja how is his mother doing in jail, more and more. three of them occasionally meet in dream and chatting about everything they can, courtesy of venti's magic. if dokja and venti never mentioned about their lives at school, sookyung will let it slip no matter how worried she is, because she trusted them.

but despite venti and sookyung's effort, they can't stop the bully to find their way to their little child. venti cries in helplessness while hugging his dear child, and dokja could only gives him a shaky unlucky smile, laying in the wet floor, beaten like rag. sookyung weeping silently when she see the hurt in venti and dokja's eyes whenever she mentioned about how they are doing.

and then.

kim dokja jumped. he was 15.

he survived. but his eyes is now dull and lifeless. the heartbroken is visible in venti and sookyung's eyes, when they reunite in dreams.

kim dokja wants to survive. if not for himself, then for his dear family. he has to survive, no matter what.

and a novel found its way to their lives.

-------------------------------------------------------------

years passed. kim dokja is 28 when the apocalypse started. he did not killed kim namwoon, offered the grasshopper instead. dokja felt the wind is caressing his cheeks, and he gave it his small, genuine smile.

multiple constellations sending him indirect messages, and much more constellations is watching him, but dokja's mind only focus on that one constellation whose gaze is familiar. it feels like venti. feels like home.

and there he is, the 5th constellation in his sponsor list, masquerading by the modifier Singer of Skyward Sonnets. dokja grinning brightly, and the wind is laughing with him.

bihyung and other constellations are very intrigued by this new face. secretive plotter is intrigued too, but because of a different reason. this constellation gives him a very familiar vibe, like the breeze he sometimes felt during his journey to become the king of outer god. it's comforting.

when sookyung sees the modifier in her sponsor list, she immediately smiles brightly, her gaze soften and brimming with affection. she then looks at the sky and says: "i missed you, venti, dokja-yah." the wind whispered, "i missed you too, sookyung-ah, dokja-yah."

in the cabin, dokja replied with honeyed voice, "me too, mom, venti", eyes sparkling with adoration. three of them giggling, constellations are crazy and incarnations are confused, but they did not give a fuck.

with the start of apocalypse, their little family is able to reunite now. no more meeting in dreams only. dokja and sookyung basked in the warm gaze of the bard, and continue to do what they need to do in a ruined world.

----------------------------------------------------------

when dokja and venti reunite, it was when he returned from anguk station. joonghyuk glaring at the green bard standing with a lyre in his hand, eyes looking at joonghyuk as if he known joonghyuk would come.

it's infuriating. just like that man.

dokja, upon seeing venti, was in disbelief as first. but seeing his companions and constellations' reactions, he finally snapped out of it. he runs and jumps into venti's open arm, laughing to his heart content. the bard is laughing too, swinging dokja in the air and kissing his face. dokja blushed, saying "i'm not a kid anymore, you don't have to kiss my face!" along the line but his bright grin betrayed him. seeing venti's 'yeah yeah i know you are just to embarrassed to say you like it' look, he decided to retaliate by pulling venti's cheeks. the bard does the same. they look exactly like siblings.

dokja feels like he has returned to the days when his mother was still with them, reading playing and joking together.

everyone is damn shocked. this probably is the most expressive dokja they ever see. joonghyuk secretive plotter and kkoma joonghyuks are even more shocked. dokja's bright smile hit them like a truck. uriel is screaming. abfd and sun wukong is gagging/picking their ears at the sight. sooyoung and namwoon joins abfd, sangah smiles quietly, others are confused.

[pttucker]

In a completely unexpected turn of events Kim Dokja is studying techniques and Yoo Joonghyuk is reading TWSA.

Can't say that I saw this one coming way back when I first started ORV but I also can't say that it in any way surprises me that even now they're mirroring each other.

Well, first things first...

Ahhh! Dokja has a new teacher!

And he's teaching him.

Dokja is actually, for the first time ever, properly learning something rather than just stealing it. Dokja is actually, for the first time ever, not completely talentless. Dokja is actually, for the first time ever, understanding what his teacher is telling him and is able to put it into practice himself rather than relying on his skills to do the work for him.

And of course it's a technique that would be related to being a reader and seems to coincide with what he's already been doing this entire novel, i.e. listening to (reading) the stories around him and interpreting them. The mention too of how Dokja has had several beings just naturally like him for some unknown reason...

I get the feeling he's been unknowingly performing "Story Control" for a while now in his own way without even realizing it. At least the very tip of the iceberg of the technique, and now, finally, Dokja is the one who gets to experience enlightenment and get a huge bump in his abilities.

Of course we also get the message "currently, the Fourth Wall is in a very thin state" and even Sangah and Dokja believe this is happening because of that thinness. Plus the fact that Sangah was able to alter the entire scenario by sending out a "revelation." It makes me wonder just how much Dokja could be affecting the world around him if the Fourth Wall wasn't present.

Like, the Fourth Wall protects Kim Dokja from the world, sure, but I'm starting to think it might also protect the world from Kim Dokja.

Oh man, and on the opposite side we have Joonghyuk who's just been given a copy of TWSA? The full TWSA or just the first scenario? It says (First) after the title and I'd like to think that means First Version, just like how Dokja now has multiple versions, but Secretive Plotter said that he couldn't give him the full revelation? But then he also said "this way, it will be a fair fight" and Joonghyuk can't really have a fair fight if he only knows the first scenario while Dokja knows the whole thing. So maybe Han Sooyoung has been creating her versions in her world and Joonghyuk has been given the first complete copy of TWSA but not the final one that she ended with/is potentially still living???

Regardless, why are you encouraging Joonghyuk to fight Dokja, Secretive Plotter?

Ughhhh idk if this is all part of some scheme (because he's totally a schemer, right?) or if he's genuinely upset with Dokja for kind of side-stepping their Outer Covenant and not killing Joonghyuk properly or if he's not even been on Dokja's side this whole time?

That or maybe he wants Joonghyuk gone, in which case, he is very optimistic in thinking Dokja would win in a one-on-one right now.

Then again, Dokja did just learn a new technique...

The naive, hopeful part of me (I know, I know) is thinking that they'll fight but not like fight fight. Because Joonghyuk hasn't seemed quite as angry these past few scenes we've had from his POV? Maybe???

Though I'm not really happy that Secretive Plotter gave him Han Sooyoung's version of TWSA. Like, does he not have access to Dokja's or did he purposefully not use Dokja's because he doesn't want Joonghyuk to see his POV and to relive their life together and potentially start having second thoughts. Especially since Sooyoung's version is probably much darker? Like, yeah, it did turn out in the end that Sooyoung and Joonghyuk of the 1863rd seemed to understand and possibly care for each other, but the story is still full of him basically being used by her. Willingly used, but still.

That's probably not going to put Joonghyuk of the 3rd round in a good mood when he's already thinking that Dokja has been deceiving and using them.

....Unless that's what Secretive Plotter meant by not being able to tell him the full revelation? Does he have access to the end of Dokja's story and he can't give that to Joonghyuk because it would be way outside the probability? If that's the case, then I'm back to thinking that Secretive Plotter is on Dokja's side and perhaps this won't go too poorly? Maybe? 😬

I mean, Dokja has his new technique all about listening to stories, so maybe if he can make Joonghyuk listen to his...

[lizhly-writes]

joongdok or dokhyuk or dokjoong or whatever the fuck you want to call it.  half of a love confession fic, prompted by my wonderful orvcord friend, with two conditions: 1) kdj is in love 2) yjh is not. 

“I love you,” Kim Dokja says, out of the blue.

He tells this to you during a lull in the chaos, a quiet moment at the end of the world.  Another scenario cleared, another day done, nothing left to do but prepare for the morning ahead and the the troubles that might come.  The air is clear, crisp, and so is the sky, presenting an unobstructed view of the stars overhead.  

There is you, seated on thick, springy grass, diligently tending to the blade of your sword. There is him, standing with his hands tucked behind his back, staring far off into the distance.  In between you both is your own split second of disbelief, a shining moment of incomprehension that dissolves into thoughts of Coins and the favor of distant constellations – but no.  The channel is closed. The stream isn’t running.  The only reason to say it is for you.

A joke, at your expense – except the silence continues on, Kim Dokja making no attempt to brush it off.  A plot, exploiting your emotions – except Kim Dokja isn’t bothering to even make himself sound genuine, like he’d need to if he wanted you to believe it.  

He isn’t looking at you.  You look up from your sword, look at him, and he does not look back at you.  His gaze is distant, contemplative, as if he’s planning his next wild scheme to dominate some hidden scenario you’ve never heard of.  Like this, you can easily think you’ve misheard.  

This is perhaps the point.

I love you, he says, exactly like how you’d imagine he’d tell a secret.  Deliberately careless, carefully casual, so that the intent behind the action is lost altogether.  Thrown out in passing so you didn’t know that it was something to be kept close to the chest, set out as a seemingly insignificant, forgettable detail, so that when you screamed at him for not telling you, he could gesture at your previous conversation and say: there, I told you.  It's not my fault you forgot.  If you didn’t forget, well – it’s not my fault you didn’t understand what I meant.

The thought of it makes your fingers twitch; you think, idly, about cracking open Kim Dokja’s head and examining the contents, as if it would make any more sense to you if you saw it laid out and neatly organized before you.  

“That’s so violent, Joonghyuk-ah,” Kim Dokja says, like he can read your mind – exactly because he can read your mind.  After all, you’re thinking about him, aren’t you?

Things would be easier if it was the other way around.  If you could read his mind like a book, if you knew exactly what he was thinking, if you knew he was really thinking about you.  

“Kim Dokja,” you say, like a warning.   “What do you think you’re doing?”

Ignore me, says his tone.  It must have been the wind; pay it no mind.

Does he really think you can ignore something he says that easily?  He should know that you can’t.  He’s made sure of that himself from the very beginning, leaving you hanging for every scrap of prophecy and planning that comes out of his mouth.  You can’t break the habit now. 

“I’m just being honest,” Kim Dokja says, and now he looks at you, wry smile turning up the corners of his mouth.  “I’ve heard it’s generally good for your emotional well-being to examine how you feel out loud.  It’s cathartic.”

You can’t believe this. “You’re saying this is an emotional wellness exercise for you?”

Kim Dokja shrugs.  This is apparently the only answer he is willing to give you.

Irritating.  But then again, you already knew that.

[luxaofhesperides]

been thinking abt the inherent intimacy of waking up with someone and wrote a little joongdok drabble abt it...

. . .

Kim Dokja wakes up before the alarm for once. He blinks the last of the sleep away, feeling strangely rested. He’s gotten so used to always being tired and feeling like his body is made of stone when he wakes up that not being tired is strange. He almost doesn’t like it because he’s not used to it.

This is surely the result of Yoo Joonghyuk trapping him in the bed each night before it even hits midnight and refusing to get his absurdly heavy body off of him. So Kim Dokja has to stay, crushed beneath him, until he falls asleep because he can’t get anything to read like that and the sound of Yoo Joonghyuk’s slow, even breaths always lulls him to sleep before he can slip away.

It’s not… bad. He is definitely not complaining. It’s just that this is so different from how he’s lived for years, always tired and hungry and barely living. Forever cold. Alone.

The room is still dark, just beginning to lighten as the sun slowly rises from where it’s been hidden beneath the horizon. Everything is still and silent, as if the world has been muffled and submerged under water. 

Besides him, Yoo Joonghyuk shifts, slinging a sleep-heavy arm across Kim Dokja’s stomach. He lets out a quiet sigh and continues sleeping, and Kim Dokja can’t help the bubble of warmth welling up inside him, making him melt into a puddle of soft affection.

That’s another thing that’s changed: sleeping with Yoo Joonghyuk. Before him, Kim Dokja had never known the comfort of another’s touch, of the feeling of safety when wrapped up in someone’s arms beneath the covers, of how the rest of the world couldn’t touch them there. But now he did. He doesn’t want to go back to a life without this. 

He really does live only for Yoo Joonghyuk. First his story, and now for him.

To think that he could have this. It makes Kim Dokja want to cry, choking on everything he feels because it’s so much that he’d never be able to verbalize it without sounding insane. 

The alarm won’t go off for another hour. He could leave. He could get something to eat, or go to the bathroom, or grab a book to pass time until Yoo Joonghyuk wakes up. 

Kim Dokja doesn’t move. 

He turns onto his side, shifting closer to Yoo Joonghyuk to get rid of the little space between them. Pressed up against him, feeling his warmth seep into him, Kim Dokja lets out a little sigh, content beyond imagination. All he can hear is Yoo Joonghyuk’s slow breaths and all he can feel in the comforting weight of his arm on his waist. 

Any other day, this would make Kim Dokja fall asleep, but just for today, it keeps him awake, marveling at the fact that he can have this, can have Yoo Joonghyuk soft and vulnerable in sleep, sleeping deeply and easily without any nightmares. Can have his tight embrace and his heavy weight on top of him. Can have a space in the world carved out just for the two of them. 

Kim Dokja can’t help the smile that graces his face; a soft, genuine thing that he’d never show anyone else.

Gently, he reaches out and lightly drags his fingertips down Yoo Joonghyuk’s jawline, then cups his cheek. His heart is so full it’s bursting. 

He stays there, just watching Yoo Joonghyuk sleep, memorizing this moment to hold close to his chest for the rest of his life. He’s never seen Yoo Joonghyuk so serene and still, without a furrow in his brow or a scowl on the edge of his lips. 

Yoo Joonghyuk lets out a deeper breath, almost a smile, and leans into Kim Dokja’s touch. 

He can’t help it, he has to kiss Yoo Joonghyuk’s forehead, his nose, his cheek, the corner of his lips. How can he not, after seeing that?

It’s enough to rouse Yoo Joonghyuk, who doesn’t snap awake immediately as he would have years ago. No, he wakes slowly, beautifully, slowly blinking his eyes open and looking at Kim Dokja with such fondness in his gaze that it makes him blush. 

“What are you doing awake?” he asks, voice still low and rough with sleep. 

“Nothing,” Kim Dokja answers honestly, “Just looking at you.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t believe you’re here with me. That you chose to stay.”

Yoo Joonghyuk rolls them over, pulling Kim Dokja on top of him. He wraps his arms around Kim Dokja, one hand idly stoking up and down his back. Kim Dokja props his chin up on his hands, looking at Yoo Joonghyuk with a small smile.

“Where you are is where I’ll be. Always.”

“I know. I know you’ll always find me.”

“Good.” Yoo Joonghyuk tilts his chin up just slightly and Kim Dokja immediately dips his head to kiss him. “Are you hungry?” he asks when they pull away, voice barely louder than a whisper, as though he didn’t want to disturb the quiet of the rest of the world. 

“Not really. Can we just stay like this a little longer?”

“Of course.” 

“Oh, and Joonghyuk-ah?”

“Hm?”

Kim Dokja smiles, bringing his hand back to Yoo Joonghyuk’s check to brush his thumb across his cheekbone gently. “Good morning.”

Somehow, impossibly, Yoo Joonghyuk’s expression softens even more. He turns his head to press a kiss against Kim Dokja’s palm. 

“Good morning.”

[shjapologist]

please introduce yuor blorbos to us

kyaa okay so one thing about me is that i love whzn theres a guy who lacks common sense . i'll introduce them by order of current real estate taken in my brain

lets start w lu bixing my good friend lu bixing from can ci pin

hes a scientist hes a gangster hes a genius hes a teacher he exclusively goes by the YOLO principle and if he stops for 2 seconds to think about the cost of his life he will start spiralling immediately

this is a man who has invested 1000 points in charisma and intelligence and 0 on wisdom. a man who will inject himself w a supersoldier chip just to see what it does. a man who gets himself out of shit by talking as fast as possible and is so convincing he sets off chains of events that end up sparking revolutions

introduced as showy flirty love interest, IS the showy flirty love interest but has the advantage of being insane so hes not boring abt it. guy who makes spreadsheets in his mind about how the commander has to be in love with him now definitely. hes gathered the data. hes using the scientific method. no way around it. frankly incredible

a very genuine and straightforward guy :) hes also so vaain it's def a charm point. very aware that he has terrible terrible taste in men as well but cannot stop himself from being down catastrophic for the biggest bastard in the galaxy. this is only one of the many times he acknowledges it :

hes such a charming character ive never insta stanned like this in my life. occupying every one of my spare thoughts these past few days i cant stop thinking about him and his happy childhood <- said in the most wretched tone

and. lastly. he is the FUUNNIEESSTTTT

on to blorbo number two sung hyunjae from sclass

very recently dethroned from number one. another thing abt me is that i like men who are huge cunts 😔

in his cringe toxic murderbasement ml era for the first hundred chapters of the novel terrible vibes hes got you booing and throwing tomatoes And Then His Birthday Happens and youre never the same person you once were

the bzst way to describe the character developpement this guy went through is a pic of him bllack and blue all bones shattered at the bottom of the stairs w a giant arrow pointing down like "WHAT LOVE DOES TO A MF" HEEEEESSS so special. to me. with his dumbass bloody fork

hes a guy that values his agency over anything else he loves being himself he loves living as the guy who is sung hyunjae so im a big fan of how its always at a certain level of danger. lol. his pre-regression self is so miserable and pathetic everything in that regard went terribly wrong for him his intro is one of my fav arcs :)

anyways he actually has the potential to be a genuinely nurturing presence but its so rare for it to be pertinent to his personal agenda you wouldnt Know. but then You Do Know. bc he gets drop kicked into being a real boy through escalating psychosexual games and being offered a reaching hand time and time again by the only person who ripped through the script and called him a huge bitch. you also see him tip over from standard selfishness into the kim dokja register and that is a terrible thing to happen when theres a han with abandonment issues around.

rly enjoyed seeing him turn into a fucking auntie who knits hot pink ensembles in his spare time and discovers the mundane wonders of the world and maybe the indignity of human emotion who knows(LMFAO) so anyways yes tje power of love saved him znd now hes malewife stepdad supreme half of the shit he does makes my face clip through my bones from embarrassment he has to be the most annoying fictional man ive ever seen. (through tears) youre old and decrepit grow up already bitch!!!

and so sorry im about to make you look at truly heinous images but a very very fucking funny thing that happened in the sclass webtoon is that they called on a guest artist to render his scenes in the most shoujo like way possible. NEVER recovering rom this

numberthree . yan suizhi from first class lawyer...

genius lawyer is thought to have died, is instead shoved in the body of a random guy . so the first thing he does is join up the internship program organised by the college he used to teach at to investigate his own murder. the problem is that he is complete PANTS at pretending he is not a genius lawyer so his mentor is inventing new stages of grief to go through daily

he's the impenetrable cheerful facade type. a very good bald faced liar.. once you defrost him you find out hes living his life to the fullest to cope with how deeply lonely he is :) heres a part that rendered my brain to mush

i miss you yan suizhi i need to catch up to lawyer novel sometime for real.

blorbo number four always a constant little buzz in the back of my mind YOO JOONGHYUK(allof them)

i dont think i need to wax much poetic about him. the only time traveler progamer eldest daughter grill boss . i think this should go in a museum

ok thats all the main ones i think . there's a crouching blorbo in lin jingshu from can ci pin as well but i havent seen quite enough of her yet for her to properly latch onto my brain. airing out the deep evil inside of her now that society is collapsing. crazy

thank you for listening <3 :)

[katcadecascade]

Dumplings Before this World Ends (ORV oneshot)

*spoilers up to chapter 235

Summary: 

First Murim is known for their dumplings. It's a shame that Kim Dokja mostly remembers that this place is gonna be destroyed later but for right now he'll enjoy the dumplings with Yoo Jonghyuk.

Kim Dokja is a bit ashamed to admit that he has never been asked out for dinner.

As a man in modern society that clings to traditional (heteronormative) relationships, Kim Dokja attempted to ask out a few women in his life. They all declined to no one’s surprise.

It didn’t discourage him to purse romance. It just reinforced his daily solitude to keep reading Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse.

There wasn’t much else in his life to emotionally invest into.

So majority of his life is spent diverging into the words of a fictional world.

Then to everyone’s surprise, Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse became real. There is a lot to unpack there, the whole reality shaking knowledge of trying to understand how any of this is possibly and how so far Kim Dokja has not been dead.

Like permanently because he promised to his companions that he’ll come back.

Kim Dokja is still trying to make his way to them, currently preparing for the Demon King Selection. His plan right now is to get the Breaking the Sky Sword Saint on his side by shoving Yoo Jonghyuk back onto First Murin against the protagonist’s wishes.

It’s a good plan right?

So far, the only kink in the plan is the unexpected invitation to the Gourmet Association.

Oh and the fact that the Breaking the Sky Sword Saint forces Yoo Jonghyuk and Kim Dokja out of her temple to go have dinner.

[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ is ecstatic of these turn of events]

A bit dumbfounded, Kim Dokja tried to refuse all of this but instead Yoo Jonghyuk simply started walking to the town district and said one thing as if everything was normal.

“Are you coming or not?”

Kim Dokja could’ve just go back in the temple, pretend that Yoo Jonghyuk didn’t just ask him out for dinner in the rudest way possible, and remain as a dateless nobody he has always been.

After all, who would ever ask out Kim Dokja?

But this is Yoo Jonghyuk, a protagonist that he has followed and practically knows like the back of his hand.

Kim Dokja accepts the invitation and starts walking by Yoo Jonghyuk’s side.

First Murin’s nightlife is a pretty scene to witness in person. No amount of written words it has been described in the novel matches the way Kim Dokja is feeling. He feels otherworldly for stepping into this supposed fictional world, a real tourist in actuality, but as much as he enjoys the scenery is can’t help but morn.

Both he and Yoo Jonghyuk await the fated destruction of First Murim. This place of forsaken tradition is simply not to be. One day this place will fall as depicted in the original novel.

But before then, dumplings.

Yoo Jonghyuk leads them to a hole in the wall restaurant. The restaurant perfectly matches the one in the book, a small place filled with many people and yet the power of the protagonist guarantees a table in the corner for them.

A server quickly gets their order for the all-you-can-eat dumpling special and thus leaves Yoo Jonghyuk and Kim Dokja in silence. Obviously, Yoo Jonghyuk opted to stare out the window rather than the awkward shape before him.

As mentioned before, Kim Dokja has never been asked out on a date and he’s hesitant to even call this one a date. He will always be an introvert at worst and yet with Yoo Jonghyuk he feels weirdly comfortable, sort of.

Any time they’re together it was only to barely make it past a dangerous scenario.

Right now, the biggest danger is probably making it through this night with Kim Dokja’s dignity intact.

“So,” Kim Dokja idly traces the condensation on his glass of water, “how’s earth?”

What he really meant was how the others was but he already asked that back in the Demon Realm. If Kim Dokja knows anything about Yoo Jonghyuk, and he does, then small talk is the last thing the protagonist will indulge in.

Yet this is Kim Dokja and he’s known to annoy Yoo Jonghyuk.

“I wouldn’t have to tell you if did not die.”

“Look, I was fated to die.”

“By the one you love most.”

“Do you have to remind me?”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyebrow twitches. “I killed you.”

“It was a group effort.”

“Do you have any idea,” Yoo Jonghyuk begins hotly but like a star it dies out fast with a muttered, “…never mind.”

“Huh?”

Before Kim Dokja could question further, a server delivers them a big amount of steamer baskets. Yoo Jonghyuk wastes no time to take off the lid, releasing a puff of hot steam of the most delicious smelling dumpling ever created in a once fictional world.

As much as Kim Dokja wants to copy Yoo Jonghyuk on just happily eating the dumpling, he wants something else first.

“You were gonna say something.”

Stubbornly, Yoo Jonghyuk ate a dumpling in silence. In retaliation, Kim Dokja did the most suicidal thing he could ever do (discounting all his previous deaths of course). He stole the next dumpling Yoo Jonghyuk was aiming for.

The protagonist glares at the reader munching on the savory dumpling. It’s very good. A part of him melts at the sheer taste.

Before Kim Dokja could pick out another dumpling, Yoo Jonghyuk says something that shakes the constellation to his core.

“They miss you.”

Kim Dokja remains frozen for an impatiently long time, long enough for Yoo Jonghyuk to grab the next basket for a new set of hot dumplings.

“Bastard, why are you shocked?”

“Because I am.”

If there was another curse in mind, Yoo Jonghyuk doesn’t say it. He just studies how Kim Dokja is currently working his brain in overtime.

Truly, he is shocked because this would be the first time he has ever heard that sentiment directed towards him.

(Did his own mother ever say that to Kim Dokja?)

The concept of someone actually missing Kim Dokja has never occurred to him. It is a genuine surprise to a person lonely and new to friendships. It’s a strange detachment to reality for the reader, especially since he techniqually ‘died’ before them all.

So not only do they miss him, they have grieved for Kim Dokja.

It really is a strange idea to think about, especially since it’s Yoo Jonghyuk presenting all these facts.

Kim Dokja know that Yoo Jonghyuk can’t ever know if anyone has ever grieved for him because the moment he dies, it’s a new timeline. Meaning his friends forget all about the scenarios and sufferings, they all endured. Besides, they usually die before Yoo Jonghuk.

It’s harsh to suggest that maybe Yoo Jonghyuk and the others should get used to Kim Dokja’s death. However, Kim Dokja doesn’t think like that. Instead, he still trying to comprehend the idea that people miss him.

He who is out casted and unremarkable. He who prefers the words of a lonely book. He who has made friends in the first time in his life.

Kim Dokja died for them multiple times already with no regret… well except for this new one.

A ringing ache settles onto his heart, still struggling against these new feelings of something soft and precious.

“I’m going to see them again.” He swallows down a lump of that weird feeling, “I promised them.”

“I know,” Yoo Jonghyuk glares, “You better keep your promise.”

Kim Dokja forces a smile, ignoring the present jumble of emotions trapped inside, “Did you miss me too?”

“You bastard.” Yoo Jonghyuk’s glare is harsher than ever.

The man’s insult is a relief to Kim Dokja. This blunt rudeness is more familiar to him than the warm guilt-ridden idea that his friends miss him.

He orchestrated them to kill him. It’s a bit difficult to remember it.

Kim Dokja will die by the one he loves most.

In the end, Yoo Jonghyuk did the last blow.

Kim Dokja thinks Han Sooyoung will tease him about this ‘poetic’ event.

“I miss them too,” he finally says.

Yoo Jonghyuk stops glaring and nods.

Under his breath, Kim Dokja adds, “That includes you.’

He stuffs another dumpling in his mouth.

It took a lot of boldness to breathe that out. Kim Dokja can’t look at Yoo Jonghyuk.

Yet over Omniscient Viewpoint…

[He missed me?]

If Kim Dokja looked up from his food, he would’ve seen the smallest of smiles on Yoo Jonghyuk.

[…that bastard.]

Eventually the rest of the dumplings are gone but that warm feeling remains inside Kim Dokja.

[your--isgayrights]

3, 5, 17, 34 :?

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Oooh hmm... Its hard to compare stuff I’ve written to other people’s writing, but I guess that the things I try to add to my writing that I wish there was more of is like, an emphasis on the relationships between characters more than plot developments, and weighing out the sort of long term emotional consequences of certain life events. I try to write every scene that I do with a specific purpose, and I have this specific feeling in mind while writing that I want to make sure is communicated to the reader so that they can understand it. Another big thing when I’m writing fic, mostly, is that I always want the reader to remember that they know who these characters are. There are a lot of AU fics that I’ve read where I’m just like... this is a great story, but I wonder why the author didn’t just use original characters, since it doesn’t really remind me of the original work. So I guess I think a significant feature of my fics is playing off the original text in a specific way?

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

Ahhh, I’m the type who sees the flaws in older works rather clearly... I’d say that I’m rather proud of the first fic that I ever finished mostly because I just managed to finish it. It was only eight chapters long and I don’t think I like the writers craft much now, but if I think about it I think that I was putting something really genuine into it while writing that I’m proud that I managed to get out. Although, I have to say that I’m pretty proud of the direction that “and at the very least, the wall will change.” is going, even if its still a WIP. There’s some sections of it that I really want people to see, but I need to put in the build up first for it to properly make sense.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

Hmm... Well, there’s some obvious ones like the fact that I’m not really an nsfw writer or someone who does like trauma p*rn or gore or things like that. But I think a more fun answer is that I’m never going to write a love at first sight kind of fic. I’m kind of a big slowburn guy, and I really like writing relationships between people who have long, complicated histories with one another. I also don’t really know what it feels like to look at someone and feel attracted to them romantically right away, so its not something I would ever write about.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. 

Under the cut because I picked a long one!

“Won't you be mad with me, though?” Shin Yoosung hid her face against his leg as she asked him this sad question in that very small voice of hers. “For making you take care of Biyoo on your own…”

 …

It… it was an odd moment, because Kim Dokja had the realization that if he had known she was someone who knew Yoo Jonghyuk, he probably would have never spoken to the little girl who seemed so concerned over him now at all.

And he had been so preoccupied about this problem that only affected him that he hadn’t noticed that this kind girl was feeling so down on herself just now… truly he was a person who was far too self-concerned.

Kim Dokja extracted his leg from this young girl whose sense of responsibility was so admirable. She let him go with little resistance, seemingly not surprised by the action. The girl continued to hide her face by staring down at the ground.

He then crouched down so that he could meet Shin Yoosung’s eyes, putting his hand on her shoulder as he did.

 “Of course I’m not mad at you, Yoosung-ah.” He reassured her in the warmest voice he could manage. “After all, how can I really claim to be the only one taking care of Biyoo, when you’ve already helped me so much.”

He gently brushed some of her hair aside, so that her eyes, which had become slightly wet at this point, could meet his own.

“You saved Biyoo’s life when you took her in from the snow.” He wanted to make sure that this was something that Shin Yoosung completely understood. “She would have died if you hadn’t rescued her, you know that?”

The young girl who was not quite yet crying wiped her face a little. “I-I know that.” She said the right words, but in a voice that made Kim Dokja believe she didn’t quite understand the significance of them.

“And, you know,” Kim Dokja went on, “If I had been the one to find Biyoo in the snow, I wouldn’t have known what to do at all. It’s because you know so much about animals, and care so much about them, that you were able to save her life, and tell me all of the important instructions on how to properly take care of her. So every time I remember those words that you gave to me, and use them to properly take care of Biyoo, that’s you saving her life again, alright?”

 “A-alright…” Shin Yoosung sniffled a bit, but nodded her head.

 Kim Dokja cursed himself a bit, thinking that all the odd things he had suddenly started to say had made Shin Yoosung a little more emotional.

 “So you’ve done enough.” He summarized what he had wanted to say to her. “You can just go enjoy your dinner now, and not feel so guilty about it, okay?”

 “O-okay.” Shin Yoosung nodded once more, this time more vigorously. As if she really believed him.

Good. He patted the girl once more on the top of her head, before standing back up.

I don’t know if this came across in text because no one really commented on it, but this scene of KDJ comforting SYS was really important to me, one of the most important scenes in the chapter. It sort of mirrors this feeling I was having about some of my friends and the way that I loved them and how the positive things they have said to me over the years carry me on. Everytime I remember someone that I truly love, I remember a different way that they saved my life. And well, in fiction I don’t want to give too much away before chapter six, but I do want to mention that all of the relationship moments I choose to include follow similar themes for a reason, and I’m a bit proud of how the continuity is starting to flow together as I write more scenes in chapter 4.

[tls12lessthan3]

So. orvs metatextual nature and gay jokes. orv is an action fantasy book, a genre designed primarily for men and starring men. now most of these books are not gay, but there is often a tendency by audiences (particularly female audiences) to see some level of romantic tension between male characters. orv is no exception to this. some authors respond with outright hostility when they see fans shipping their male characters, and some simply ignore it completely - but some go the route sing shong does, and play it for laughs. before i go any further, i would like to clarify a term i will be using - shippers. while this literally refers to readers who think there is romantic potential between two characters, i will be using to specifically refer to instances where those two characters are of the same gender. im doing this because i cant think of a more elegant word to be completely honest, and this is tumblr meta so who cares.

orv is a metatexual narrative which is aware of its genre and aware of its readers. those readers are represented in the narrative, and sing shong knowing that fans would see a possible relationship between kim dokja and yoo joonghyuk made sure to represent that too. so we get uriel, the fujoshi angel who is constantly reading into kim dokjas and yoo joonghyuks relationship in a way that is often played for laughs. now ive certainly seen worse depictions of ‘shippers’. uriel is treated with affection by the main characters, who genuinely like her (and the fans she represents by association). her love for joongdok is implied to come from her having a crush on her friend and projecting, which i see as a kinder depiction than the usual ‘slavering fujo’ trope. 

and perhaps most importantly her engagement with the story seen as just as deep as any other reader if not more so! uriel is one of the characters we see most changed by kim dokjas story - in every other universe shes a fierce and furious warrior, and while she never hesitates to kick ass in this round either, kim dokjas story has given her a solace that has made her significantly softer. she helps him out sooner than any other constellation, saving his ass in many ways during the demon world arc, demonstrating a deep investment we are clearly meant to be grateful for. wherever it comes from, uriels engagement with kim dokja’s story is shown to be a genuine and deep one appreciated by the characters. through this sing shong is almost directly speaking to the shippers in the fanbase who are often mocked or disregarded, saying that their love for the story is important too, wherever it comes from. i see this as sweet, and i like that unlike so many other authors sing shong recognise the role shippers often have in a story’s success.

however, i hesitate to give sing shong too much credit. because along with the genuine appreciation of uriel as a character and all she represents, there are jokes mocking her and those like her, and there are a lot of them! like i said above, sing shong wrote orv as a metatextual narrative that engages not just with the genre but with the genre’s fans. sing shong knew that people would ship their characters, as that is what happens with books like orv. and so they wrote in many jokes about it, jokes based around the ‘silliness’ of those who would assume kim dokja and yoo joonghyuk have romantic feelings for each other. and given orv’s metatexual nature, this also mocks the nature of shipping itself. when someone assumes kim dokja and yoo joonghyuk are together and they react with disgust, as frequently occurs in the earlier parts of the novel, we are meant to laugh not just at the misunderstanding - really, these guys gay, how silly. but we are also meant to laugh at the idea that these Protagonists are homosexuals, and at the people who make those assumptions. its a simultaneous acknowledgement and mocking of the queer undertones of both this story and it’s genre.

so you get this overall impression of a narrative that ultimately loves all of it’s readers, including shippers, but also isn’t afraid to say it thinks all that gay stuff is kinda silly. and while ebook edits have largely removed many of these gay jokes, an undercurrent of this still remains. from what i know this largely reflects sing shongs actual opinions at time of writing, whether or not they have changed later on. 

dont get me wrong, i love orv, i love joongdok, i love their relationship and i do read it as romantic. i too read the scene where lee gilyoung insists kim dokja is into men and kim dokja responds aghast and gone ‘haha, gay’. as a queer person in the webnovel scene i am no stranger to taking homophobic moments like that and reclaiming them, making the characters queer and pretending the author is laughing with me and not at me. im not trying to preach to anyone here. but i also think its important to acknowledge the conversation orv is having here - its valuing of shippers and its mocking of queerness, and where they overlap.

[orphiclovers]

omg yes I am apart of so many more fandoms, I'm just not sure which one you are apart of. and the reason why I never made any posts on orv is because I have never found anyone who loved yoo joonghyuk as much as I do (also I have never found bottom yjh people ever soooo)

also I will never try to hate on a ship, as long as the shipper does not try to shove it in my face, I will always love the ship and talk about with a genuine interest !

I also lleu's character very underdeveloped and just... unchallenging in general. If lleu was genuinely made to challenge medraut and medrauts temper tantrum was much more reasonable, then maybe I would have liked him. I definitely would've loved medleu had it truly been with 2 developed characters with both having personality (aka medraut meets the standard and lleu does not)

and then goewin, GAHH I LOBE YOU.

I find the self-cest/spyjh ship extremely intriguing and genuinely so complex, imagine loving another version of you, less experienced, and so so naive. Imagine loving someone who don't even know is another version if you, destroyed to no return, like??? It should be a crime for it to be a rare pair !

(also I read a han sooyoung/kim dokja/yoo joonghyuk fic and it just scrambled my entire brain completely like girl you are literally on to something and I think it makes us moot worthy!)

I never read the novel either, but you inspired me to start reading it (apparently there's an epub?? it was said it was on orv reddits pinned post, but I can't find it anywhere)

orv has taken over my entire life (do drop the fics you're reading I am curious) so I'm not really active in any other fandom right now lol. I downloaded the orv epub here btw. good luck soldier

for twp - medraut and goewin really understand each other is what gets me. they both are better suited for the throne than Lleu but cannot take it because society forbids it - goewin because she is a woman and medraut because he is a bastard. they're both failed by Artos' off hands parenting method. they both love and are envious of lleu. goewin is the first to know about medrauts nightmares and scars but does not judge him, and he in turn defends her right to swear fealty in court. "I fear you as little as you fear me" theres mutual trust there.

medlleu is more medraut projecting his Issues onto Lleu. In the first chapter he comes back and quickly becomes devoted to Lleu's safety and comfort in a desperate bid to keep himself occupied and not think about his past two years at Orcades. as goewin tells him - he's come back changed, scarred. he's traumatized and latches on onto the first hint of stability he has, which is lleu.

Lleu is… well I think his childhood of constant sickness really fucked him up. He had no choice but to put his life in medraut’s hands and ‘trust him utterly’ knowing that he could do nothing if medraut decided to hurt him. That’s gotta be tough. All he had were his words, which he said carelessly, unknowing of how much impact and hurt they do medraut. Well, medraut hid it on purpose too. I can't speak on any development he gets in further books, but I’ve come around to his character.

there's interesting friction there, but we only see medraut's extremely biased point of view

[fatewoven]

storyend​  /  dokja.

          the novel still streams through his nerves and veins even if he doesn’t bleed fables anymore. every word and blank space between them is seared behind his eyelids, he can’t escape it even if he wanted to. does he want escape? isn’t escape what he was always chasing? he’s tired of escape, he just wants rest without the burden of knowing, without remembering. unfortunately, the mere appearance of joonghyuk brings memories he doesn’t what to do with. as he picks up books to help him (how dare he help!), dokja fights the urge to rip the precious novels away. he puts them back all wrong, genres and sizes and colors completely missed up. his eye twitches as he stares at the shelf’s arrangement. he’s about to reach out and pull the entire contents of the shelf out when joonghyuk hits him with a you have to talk. “you’re fucking lying.” dokja whips his head around, eyes glittering in amusement that hasn’t been present for weeks now. he laughs into his hands, the sound of it too raw for it to be genuine. “that’s—did yoo sangah set you up for this? i’m fine.” thank you star stream for weaning away into nothingness; without lie detection he can get away with these things. he crosses his own arms, matching joonghyuk’s pose. everything in him wants a fight right now, that’s all either of them have known for a while now. “you of all people should understand what it’s like to die so much that you forget how to live. so why are you not looking—” as fucked up as i am. he gestures vaguely between the two of them. his speaks scathingly, not caring if he hurts him. without omniscient reader’s viewpoint, he’s lost, unable to tell how the people around  him are feeling. even though he stopped using the ability as often near the end due to its invasive nature, it still gave plenty of insight to the characters people around him. with everything over, he has only his own perception to rely on, and it does him little good. “sometimes i think it would have been easier if you didn’t try to find me, if you quit after regressing—which by the way i said i didn’t want you to do.” dokja chooses words carefully: easier, not better. the little subway compartment was claustrophobic and terrifying, but at the very least it was something he was familiar with. 

It’s easy to sum up nearly twenty years of devotion to a character; a harmless fiction depicting an impossible world. Yet, that is their world. They lived it — and Joonghyuk always endures, adapts, because no other option exists. Once again he and Dokja stand on opposite ends of a spectrum, caught in the wheels of fate as event drags forward, churning them as grist for yet another tragedy. It’s a quiet one, at least. Private and personal. He can see the faint glow of streetlights as the sky slides towards grey and ocean blues in the wake of the sunset, the city readying for slumber as something breaks down between them. Here! In the comforts of a house that’s too big, too empty for two. Motionless, he weathers Dokja’s vitriol, looking at him still with those steady, unflinching eyes. “I can see you’re not fine. No one needs to point out the obvious.” Dokja may be the Reader, but Joonghyuk can construe his actions just the same. “Your goal was to reach the Epilogue, but you didn’t plan beyond that point. My goal was the same until you came along and changed it.” His arms loosen, posture opening by degrees as Dokja curls further into himself, defensive. “Kim Dokja.” A world of meaning suffuses through the name, spoken gently this time. “Dokja,” he repeats, the title befitting. “I wanted to find you. I want to see what the rest of this life has in store with you.” You fool. Not as the passive, omniscient benefactor, but as a companion by his side. Aborting the step forward, rubbing a hand over his eyes, Joonghyuk notes how he’s still tense. He swallows, thick, tangled vowels and unspoken sentiment weighing heavy. “All my life the Star System laid out everything: Complete the next scenario, rinse and repeat for the next hundred-thousand times. You, of all people, should know how much I hated that. And... I have a choice now because of you.” Because you believed so much that the stars themselves toppled and extinguished. It’s difficult, yes; but he would trade nothing in the world for this existence full of uncertainties and broken parts. It’s real. “So, help me understand why you don’t think you deserve a life.” A chance. A happy ending.

[pttucker]

"Thank you." The words spilled out and Yoo Joonghyuk replied indifferently. "Don't say anything that isn't in your heart. I know you dislike me." "Of course, I dislike you. I hate you. You are the person who took my role." "I don't know what that means." In Lee Sookyung's head, time flowed slowly. She heard that it should move quickly… then why? Was it because it was hard and difficult? "…I've known you from a long time ago. That kid often talked about you. He came to visit his mother in prison and only talked about this." –This time, he challenged the 12 gods of Olympus. The young face of Kim Dokja as he talked happily. Many thoughts had floated on this child's face. Yoo Joonghyuk spoke like he felt Lee Sookyung's heart rate slowing down. "Lee Sookyung. Don't let go of your mind." Lee Sookyung barely maintained her blurring consciousness. She continued to be drowsy on Yoo Joonghyuk's back. "In any case, at least once… I wanted to thank you." "You are saying things that I can't understand."

Okay, so I've been thinking this for a while now but is Joonghyuk perhaps literally unable to comprehend that he's a character in a novel?

Like, at first I just thought it was a secret (obviously it was) and he didn't know and then I thought that maybe, for some reason, he just didn't care because he's so goal-motivated and has crushed down all his own emotions beyond what's needed to save the world, but now I'm really starting to wonder if he literally cannot process it. Like maybe he has his own version of Fourth Wall but it stops him from realizing that he's a character in a novel no matter what people say.

Like, Han Sooyoung literally calls him "protagonist" to his face but it's Han Sooyoung so it's quite possible he brushed it off as that's just how she sees the world as a writer.

But we also have the fact that people were starting to recognize that the world was following TWSA way back before Dokja got lost for three years, heck people were recognizing it both inside and outside the Seoul dome way back when he pretended to be Joonghyuk for the first time. Since then, rumors have been spread all across the internet and there's apparently still functioning news agencies because Dokja's party members are treated like celebrities.

So you'd think by now that it has to be common knowledge right? If nothing else, Sooyoung can't have been the only person to ever say something weird or act weird around the Yoo Joonghyuk. It wouldn't shock me at all if people haven't tried to interview him like they did with Heewon and Jihye.

So does he genuinely have no feelings in regards to finding out he's a fake person? Do none of the other characters not care either? We've had plenty of POV scenes from other characters but thinking about it, the one time that we see the novel openly discussed is between Dokja and his mom, Dokja and Sooyoung, Sooyoung and Sangah...all non-characters...

And now we have Dokja's mom trying to have this serious conversation with Joonghyuk and he's saying he doesn't understand and while you can take that to mean that he doesn't understand how he helped Dokja since he's only recently met him, I'm starting to wonder if it's not more literal - that he literally can't process what she's talking about.

Like, Dokja literally just got done showing the giants the literal scenes of TWSA and Joonghyuk had no reaction whatsoever. Like, maybe in that particular instance he wasn't able to see those scenes, only Dokja and the giants could, but still...

"Where are your parents?" "I was told they died in an accident." "You don't sound sad." "I can't grieve what I can't remember." Lee Sookyung knew. He didn't remember because it wasn't in the original novel. Everything about Yoo Joonghyuk was just a character setting. From the beginning, Yoo Joonghyuk's parents didn't exist. Lee Sookyung hesitated for a moment. "Yes, humans are like this. Do you think I remember all my childhood?" "…Is it memory loss?" "Everyone gets memory loss. Little by little, we will forget our memories and one day, we will forget everything."

And then on the other side we have this. It almost feels like Sookyung is trying to reassure him that it's normal not to remember things that happened when they were children and she specifically goes out of her way to say humans are like this. Like she's trying to tell him that he's still a human and reassure him that this is normal and not from him literally being a made up person.

So maybe he does know and has just been quietly processing it? Or maybe he does have a Fourth Wall, maybe all the characters do, but instead of blocking them from understanding, their versions keep their reactions to the real world muted whereas Dokja's keeps his reactions to TWSA muted? So they're aware but just can't bring themselves to care???

Like, I could see maybe one or two people just genuinely not caring, and maybe one of those people is Joonghyuk just because of how emotionally exhausted he has to be by now (both him AND 1863rd) but you're telling me that Lee Jihye doesn't have some opinions on all of that? Lee Hyunsung hasn't at least asked Dokja what he was like in the novel? Shin Yoosung hasn't asked about what she did in a future without Dokja taking her under his wing?

And then finally we have this:

Yoo Joonghyuk spoke, "Sometimes I remember things. I remember someone watching me." It was the first time Lee Sookyung heard this story and she wondered, "…Who was watching you?" "I don't know either. There was a gaze watching me for a long time. There were times when I often felt the gaze." After Yoo Joonghyuk's words were over, Lee Sookyung didn't talk for a long time. There was a long silence before Lee Sookyung laid her hands on Yoo Joonghyuk's head and spoke in a gentle voice. "Maybe it was your parents." Lee Sookyung stared up at the sky. Numerous constellations were watching them.

I feel like Sookyung is once again trying to make him feel better by saying it was his parents but at the same time Joonghyuk isn't really connecting the whole "Dokja came to talk to me about you every day when he was younger" to "Dokja knows my entire life story including my future" to "someone has been watching me for years." Or, if he is connecting the two, he's unwilling to verbalize it and just seems like he's side-stepping the whole issue?? So either he can't process that he's a character or can but can't really feel it?

Well, if nothing else, I do love it when we get mentions of Joonghyuk feeling like someone was with him during his hardships just the same as Dokja felt that Joonghyuk was there with him during his.