#generally she still is pretty kind/compassionate

[crows-of-buckets]

You know, as much as I'm sure Aviae is not thrilled about being back at the circle, telling Gregoir exactly how she thought of him probably felt so good. Was it a good time for this conversation? Absolutely not but Aviae has hated that man since she met him, and now she can tell him exactly what she thinks of him without worry of being made tranquil.

[toneinaflat]

a heart

[nephilimbrute]

ok since you guys don't know anything about my agent 8's personality, i'm doing a huge infodump on them. enjoy

Agent 8; they/them, nonbinary — 24 as of current time, in a relationship with Agent 4 and Captain 3

they're pretty, but also one of the worst people you'll meet. everyone who met them has had something terrible happen to them, basically a bad omen...yet they still think they're a saint! 8 is very narcissistic, but also very self-critical. they think they can be the only one to do something, that they're the best at it...but they know this is wrong, so they hate themself for it

they think they're a very fragile and innocent being, like a deer. they want to live a calm and steady life, no excessively loud or overwhelming sounds and music, just them and their close ones. they enjoy writing poetry and creating art to the likes of vincent van gogh, but also impressionism in general. they have a very bad memory now, so they want to capture the present time as best as they can if it ever gets worse. often times, 8 thinks about any big events that are coming up in the near future (concerts, festivals, etc.). they don't like to think about the future outside of these things (was team present if that wasn't obvious)

they used to be full of emotion, expressing and voicing their thoughts well. but slowly over time, they've became numb to most things to prevent themself from being embarassed by...sadness. they think being upset is embarassing, and are easily annoyed by gloomy people. they have such little sympathy, but it still exists. they are capable of love! it's not hard to crack through their shell, nor do they even have one. 8 themself is aware of how they've changed over the years, and they want to go back to how they used to be; loving, sympathetic, mindful of others. they do feel very sorry for the change in their personality, but the partial sanitization that was done to them makes it difficult to revert to their old self

8 feels like they're putting up a front when they want to be nice, and, they can be compassionate and apologetic sometimes. they deeply wish for anyone who recognized them pre-octo expansion to forgive them, even if they did nothing wrong

because of the whole octo expansion situation, 8 has developed truman syndrome, paranoia, and heavily dislikes anything involving a smart AI or robotics. this is one of the reasons why marina pisses them off so badly. to 8, they think that they've caused no harm, and every mistake they've done was not entirely their fault. they make a lot of people uncomfortable in some way without touching anyone or saying anything. despite all that, they respect people's personal space a lot!..other than pearl and marina, who they used to watch sleep before being kicked out

now, onto their relationships. 8 is doing fine with agent 4, he's nice to them so they like him... but so is cap3, yet 8 might be one of the worst things that ever happened to her. cap3 really wants some alone time and hates being stared at, and 8 does the exact opposite of that. they don't touch her at her request, but they Will stare at her whenever she's doing anything, at any given time. they don't process in their mind that they want to make her uncomfortable, they just sort of...do?

^ i only limited this to a bit so i won't delve Too deep and go off topic. you can ask about that if you want

i guess you could say they have some kind of parental issues? i don't know, they can't remember who their biological parents are anyways. they have a strong attachment to marina though, can't decide if they wanna be her or want her to adopt them. kind of "eh" with pearl, still respects him nonetheless

congratulations! if you've read until the end, here's a human 8 doodle :3

[duchezss]

I recently finished reading all the Lockwood & Co books, and my god they were good, but it got me thinking. If the show continued, like it deserved too, would Holly and Kipps have gotten a signature color the same way the trio did? If so what would they be? Well I was looking at twitter and I saw that most people agree that Holly's color would be yellow, and Kipps' would be white, and I'll be honest I disagree so badly I'm about to write an essay. It's funny because I distinctly remember finishing the books and thinking, "ah watch everyone put their colors as yellow and white cause it's easy". LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER. Y'all just don't get color theory OR the characters the way I do so listen up.

Holly is many things. She's positive, and compassionate, and kind, but she is so much more than that. She's not just a "yellow", yes maybe she is the sunshine of the group, but honestly? Not really, and that's ok. She's fierce and sometimes she has a short temper, she pretends to let everything slide off her shoulder, when really she's just keeping it inside. That's why her and Lucy are constantly budding heads in the beginning of their friendship, they are so similar. I think her color should be red. She's constantly described as wearing it, and I think it really fits her. Red represents passion, energy, confidence, and excitement to name a few. Holly is always described as having a presence, and her energy and enthusiasm comes off her in waves. Red is usually described as the color of love, and I still think that fits. She has such love for the entire crew, and it's so clear she would go to the ends of the earth for them. I also think this would blend in with the others very well. Despite it not actually being blue's real opposite, blue and red are often seen as polar opposites, which really fits for Lucy and Holly's dynamic. It also works because red and orange are both warm colors and George and Holly have always gotten along. They are similar in their methodical and sometimes odd ways of life. I also think it's fun cause Skully's color is green, and green are red are direct color wheel opposites. I'm pretty sure he hates her the most, but Kipps is also competing hard for that title. And lastly black is kinda the color in between, now more on that in a second.

I see what twitter was going for, Lucy and George are blue and orange, direct color wheel opposites, because they are quite literally direct opposites. So it makes sense for Kipps to be white since he's the direct opposite of Lockwood? LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER AGAIN. Tell me y'all didn't understand their dynamic without telling me. Lockwood and Kipps didn't get along cause they were so different, they butted heads so hard because of how similar they are. It's exactly what happened with Lucy and Holly. Plus white represents a lot of things that are definitely not Kipps. My proposed color for him is purple, I know that's a little odd, but walk with me. Although it's never explicitly stated, one can assume that Kipps was an absolute prodigy when he had his talents. I only bring this up, because purple often represents royalty and luxury, and he practically became a fallen king when he lost the only thing he was ever good at it. But purple is much more than that, it also represents bravery, uniqueness. ambition, and justice. I think Kipps' original color is grey, and not just because of the uniform. Grey represents seriousness, sadness, and boredom. That's how Kipps was before, but when he remeets the crew during book 3 and 4, we begin to see the shift. The group helps him gain his ambition back, and with all of their love and support we even begin to see how brave he really is. He has a unique way of going through life, and even when all the odds are stacked against them, he still seeks justice. Purple fits with the general color scheme as well. It's very close to black, which represents how similar him and Lockwood are, and it's also a cooler color like blue. Kipps and Lucy certainly got along the easiest out of the crew.

Overall it just makes sense. George and Holly are the warmer colors, Lucy and Kipps the cooler, and Lockwood as the mediator between them. I feel like red might be a little hard to incorporate without being overpowering, and I know that purple isn't a super masculine color, but hell if those costume designer made full orange outfits look good they can literally do anything. Anyways I know this isn't that important, but ugh I love color theory so much, and I love how much thought the costume designers put in the first time. I feel like having Holly and Kipps color being yellow and white is just a cheap easy shot, and doesn't take into account the characters and their growth enough. I rest my case.

[munson-blurbs]

PLEASE MAKE MY MEET CUTE DREAMS COME TRUE BUG!!

What IS my personality? Hm... Generally I'm pretty upbeat, fun-loving, and compassionate, but around Eddie?! 🙈 I'd be a lil shy I'm not gonna lie haha

Hobbies include bird watching, thrifting trinkets, and graphic design (oh and writing FILTHY SEXUALLY EXPLICIT STORIES, can't forget that). No need to incorporate all of this, just giving you ✨variety✨

My pronouns are she/her.

And I'll just leave you with some emojis I like 😌

🪻🪺🐀🪿🐞🫐🥨🏕️🪕

As meta as it would be to have Eddie reading the smut you wrote about him, bird watching was what caught my eye. Hope you like this!

CW: mention of drug use/dealing WC: 628 Divider credit to @hellfire--cult

It had stormed in Hawkins for a week straight. Seven days of dodging raindrops and spending your free time cooped up in the house. You were on the verge of going stir-crazy until the sun finally peeked out from behind the clouds this morning. 

Plucking your binoculars from their spot on your shelf, you head out into the woods. Before the storms, a pileated woodpecker had made a nest in one of the trees, and you were anxious to see if it had survived the lousy weather. 

Mud squelched beneath your boots as you trudged towards your favorite picnic bench. There wasn’t anything special about it per se, but it stood out from the others because of the JH+JB carved into the table. Whoever JH and JB were, you hoped their love was still strong. 

You adjusted the focus on your binoculars, aiming your gaze at the tree where you’d seen the nest just over a week ago. A soft sigh of relief slipped through your lips when you saw that it was still intact; in fact, there were now three little eggs inside of it. 

Hours felt like mere minutes as you soaked up each moment outdoors, following the calls of the sparrows that populated the tiny forest. Hawkins wasn’t a bustling city, but it was still nice to have a reprieve from the normal sounds of the suburbs. Out here, there were no car horns honking, no tired parents scolding their mischievous children, no—

“You here to buy or sell?”

The sudden noise startled you; if you didn’t have the strap looped around your wrist, you almost certainly would have dropped your binoculars. That would have been embarrassing. Just like the yelp you let out when the man spoke. 

“Whoa, didn’t mean to scare you.” He gave a sheepish grin and held up his hands in surrender. “Just figured if you wanted to buy, I could offer you a sweet deal. But if you’re selling…well, you’re kinda in my spot, so…”

You collected your thoughts, trying to keep from getting lost in his deep brown eyes. “No. I mean, neither. N-Not buying or selling. Just, uh, birdwatching.”

He cocked a brow. “Birdwatching?”

“Y-Yeah.” You scrambled for more words, unused to being tongue-tied. “Y’know, just��watching birds.”

“I gathered that much.” He sat next to you, placing a tin lunchbox on the table. “So what kind of birds are we watching?”

You explained the whole nest-surviving-the-storm saga, expecting him to roll his eyes or get bored. But he didn’t. Instead, he looked at you with those beautiful doe eyes and gestured to your binoculars. 

“Mind if I take a look?”

You nodded and handed them over, hoping that the time he spent looking through them would afford you the chance to conjure up some actual conversation topics. 

He peered through the binoculars. “I see the nest! Holy shit, there’s about to be some bird babies.” He looked at another tree. “Here we’ve got some sort of brown bird just kinda…doing its thing.” Keeping the binoculars pressed to his eyes, he looked directly at you. “And here we have a really pretty girl who’s gonna let me treat her to ice cream.”

“Sure. Yeah, um, that would be great.” You felt your body tingle with bashfulness. An insanely cute guy was asking you out. “I love ice cream.”

The guy looked surprised, like he couldn’t believe that line worked. “Me, too.” He stood and held out his hand to help you up. 

You accepted it gratefully, but before you stood, you looked at him. “I just realized that I don’t even know your name,” you mused. 

He laughed. “That would be good information, huh?” He shook his head at his own blunder. 

“I’m Eddie Munson. And you are?”

--

[wombatwisdom]

Great and Spacious

I

When I came out at work, I simply changed my pronouns in my email signature and on zoom. Immediately a co-worker reached out and asked if I changed my pronouns, and I said yes and she was excited for me.

Within two days others noticed too and the reaction was professional and compassionate--I felt seen, supported, and safe. My people manager and I met and we discussed the systems in place and the resources available, she didn't really understand what being trans or non-binary really was, but she knew what policies of inclusion had been put in place by corporate and in our local office to support me. She was open with me and always supportive--even after she left for other opportunities, we still stay in contact.

It was not perfect. Bathrooms were tricky, due to the lack of single occupancy options. Some if my co-workers still mis-gendered me. But I've had people apologize when they get it wrong and do better. And knowing I have the support of so many that I work with helps me navigate the small group of less agreeable co-workers (and to be clear, I've never had anyone aggressively disrespect me).

But the real proof in the pudding is how non-performative the support is. I am not the "token office trans", I am part of the team, fully integrated. My opinions and questions are considered and appreciated. People have told me they enjoy collaborating with me. In many ways, despite transitioning in plain sight, I have never felt that it was a source of burden or concern in my workplace.

II

When I came out at church, I wrote a letter. It was detailed and gruesome. It highlighted my disphoria, my anguish, my pain. I had seen the stories of other trans people crushed by the wheel of leadership roulette and knew I had to be clear and deliberate in my language. The letter was hard to write and hard to read, so I am told. I needed to focus the reader on my pain in attempt to appeal to their sympathy.

I sent the letter to my Bishop; I was Ward Clerk at the time. He was kind. He genuinely took my letter and read and thought and prayed. He prayed for two weeks, and I prepared for the worst. Obviously, the temple recommend would be gone, with it the calling. Hopefully, there wouldn't be too much blowback on my family.

Finally we met, and we spoke for hours. His position was that he didn't feel like this should matter--in his mind being non-binary was fine and I was still worthy of a temple recommend. He said he had read the handbook so many times (which at the time was pretty sparse on how to work with non-binary people, arguably it still is) and felt like he wasn't sure what to do. Due to his upbringing as a non-member he felt like he has known many queer people who were good and deserving of love and he wished the Church were different. He is one of the good ones, but even still, I was at his discretion and thankfully he was benevolent.

My Stake President needed a month with my letter. He has never known a trans person before me and admitted to being at a loss. He, too, prayed and read the handbook and also felt the same confusion my Bishop had expressed. We had only one meeting, where he said that my femme presentation was not in alignment with holding the priesthood and would not sign off on my recommend. He was kind, but firm and I was frank in return. I asked him to draw the boundaries and lines--could I speak in classes? Could I pray, if asked? What callings could I hold? Could I give talks? Bare my testimony? Wear garments? Take the sacrament?

I could tell he was uncomfortable with my questions, but I needed to know so that I could be safe. I let him decide, and he was generous, I could do all those things, just not hold a temple recommend and my calling.

My Bishop was upset at the news. We would meet more times and he would express his frustration at the outcome. I was released from my calling, which felt like a public shaming, and I wasn't ever asked to pray, or speak, or teach. My new calling was to prepare the weekly bulletin--and I did, and I made sure that all my quotes were from female leaders (a fact that no one ever noticed).

I was thanked profusely for showing up and staying. People were kind but uncertain and it showed. Some were kind in ways that felt unnatural and disingenuous. My Bishop often told me of the complaints he got for not being harsher with me. A couple told him they would no longer attend while I was permitted to come and take the Sacrament. Another man told him the I suck the spirit out of the room just by being there.

There were some who were angry for me and how things had unfolded. There were a mix of people with a mix of reactions. They had no guidance or support in how to integrate me into their community. I was at their mercy. I didn't feel empowered to participate, I felt like a problem needing to be dealt with.

III

I share these two experiences to highlight a disparity. My workplace experience has been smooth and a delight. Policies were in place to give direction and support to those who needed it and I was still treated as a respected member of my team. When I asked my team leaders if they wanted me to not interface with clients, they said if that ever was a problem to talk to them and they would handle it.

My experience at church was the opposite. It was grueling, exhausting, and soul crushing. I watched people struggle to know what to do with me. It was messy and frustrating.

In one of our many conversations, my Bishop mentioned that he has clients that he works with that use they/them pronouns and he tries to be inclusive. It made me realise that many of the people at church likely come from workplaces similar to mine that have policies, guidance and systems in place for trans clients and co-workers, so they know how to behave in the work place. But at church, it was everyone for themselves, and it was disappointing.

At church, a lot is said about the world, the great and spacious building, Babylon. We are told to fear it and to believe that the world is mocking us and trying to do harm. But I have seen a world that behaves with compassion, empathy, and love--one that I didn't have to fight for acceptance or give my agency and pain away to a man across the desk from me.

The great and spacious building has come up with a lot of the philosophies our Church has rejected and now is trying to catch up to. But it pains me when people say that the members and leaders don't know any better--because they need only look up and outward to find places of inclusion to model themselves after. My workplace did it, likely without God's inspiration, so why, with God does it take us so long?

There are places of refuge out here in the world--community is what you cultivate. Our leaders and members are not innocent lambs ignorant of what is around them--but there is a cultivated ignorance that permits them to wallow in the mire of their biases. I was there once too. It is comforting to never have to open your eyes or confront your ignorance--but the world can help us do it.

Perhaps the great and spacious building isn't the pejorative we make it out to be. Perhaps it is truly great and decidedly spacious enough to incorporate all of God's children. Perhaps not. I only have my experience--but I have seen both the world and the church in action, and I can say with confidence, which more readily offered me fruit to sustain life.

[hillbillyoracle]

For those with home related New Years Resolutions:

I’ve been a disabled homemaker for 5 years now so I wanted to share the resources that have helped me take our home from complete chaos to reasonably functional and enjoyable.

If you’re not functioning...

If you’re constantly tripping over things and getting injured, eating food that makes you sick, dealing with pests in the home, and struggling to complete basic tasks like feeding, clothing, and bathing yourself, then you should start with...

KC Davis aka StruggleCare aka DomesticBlisters

TikTok

Book

Podcast

Website

I recommend KC Davis’s stuff with a big heaping dose of “keep what works and leave what doesn’t.” She’s one of the few people I’ve seen talking about compassionate care focused on maintaining a level of personal functioning rather than maintaining a home. Her stuff has been very helpful to me during some very challenging times. 

I think her some of her best work is probably her videos on the 5 step tidying process, the ones on setting up bedside hygiene and food kits, and the ones on dealing with DOOM (Didn’t Organize Only Moved) boxes. 

That being said she has a tendency to use neurotype as a shield for not reckoning with other dynamics in a situation (gendered, narcissism, etc) when asked for advice by viewers which can lead to this “all people with neurodivergence are good” vibe which I find off putting (especially as an autistic person). I mention it because her bleh stuff was all I was coming across and I missed out on her good stuff for a while. It’s worth picking through though. 

Her book is a little better on the whole. 

If you’re functioning but still very overwhelmed...

If you can complete your daily activities of living pretty regularly but you’re still losing papers you need, rebuying items you didn’t realize you had, or looking around your home at a mess that feels impossible to clean, then check out...

Dana K White aka A Slob Comes Clean

YouTube

Website

Podcast

Books

I love Dana K. White’s stuff. Honestly, I recommend her to every level on this list but I think she probably shines brightest in this category. 

Her 5 step decluttering process is pure fucking gold. It’s a decluttering process that doesn’t rely on feelings at all - really helpful for those with trauma or alexthymia generally. She has multiple videos explaining it and even more where you can watch her go step by step with someone over the course of an hour and make a huge dent in some very overwhelming mess. Its the process I’ve used to go through over 50 moving boxes to declutter so we could fit in this much smaller space we moved to in April. 

Her day to day cleaning advice is also excellent. Her concept of dishes math has really helped me make decisions about what chores to focus on when I’m low energy. Her 14 Days to Opening Your Front Door series is amazing if you’re having to host for a given occasion but your home is a wreck. 

If you’re not painfully overwhelmed by your stuff but there’s still a lot of friction in your home...

If your stuff doesn’t overwhelm you but your home still doesn’t feel that good to be in, you’re still not finding things when you need to or it’s taking you a long time to find them, you create homes for things but they look terrible or they never seem to stick, then you’d love...

Cassandra Aarssen aka Clutterbug

YouTube

Books

Website

Podcast

Clutterbug types were kind of a game changer for me. It’s what really opened my eyes to why the systems that worked for me did not work for my partner. She is a Bee - lots of small categories that are all very visible - and I am a ladybug - big bucket categories that aren’t visible. When I reorganized our space according to the compromise between our types, Butterfly - big categories and very visible - all of a sudden the systems just worked so much better. There were many fewer fights sparked by things not getting put away or not being able to find things. So I really recommend her videos on the different types and examples of each. 

Quick word of warning, she does have regular videos about diet and exercise that I personally find pretty triggering to my disordered eating habits so I’m not subscribed to her and just check her channels every now and then so it’s easier to skip over videos where that might be a topic she talks about. 

Cliff Tan aka Dear Modern

TikTok

YouTube

Website

Book

Cliff Tan’s work is the most recent of these resources that I’ve come across but holy shit I cannot recommend it enough. 

Because my parents didn’t originally intend on my partner using the room she wound up using, there’s simply not space to keep some of the furniture and items in there anywhere else. Meaning she just kind of has to keep a fair bit of junk in there. But after watching (read: binging) the Dear Modern YouTube channel and seeing him completely change spaces by moving furniture around, I redid my partners room over the course of about 2 hours and it���s a completely different room. Way more comfortable and she’s already mentioned she’s getting much better sleep. 

So I really really recommend his stuff. Sometimes what you really need isn’t new stuff but just rearranging what you already have. 

If you’re pretty content with your home but want to streamline the process of caring for it...

If your home is pretty functional but regular tidying, deep cleaning, and maintenance tasks specifically keep falling through the cracks, then you might like...

FlyLady System

Website

The Secret Slob - YouTube

Diane in Denmark - YouTube

There are lots of systems out there for house keeping but I’ve yet to try or see one that seems to do better than FlyLady for me. Since with my illness my energy varies wildly, I don’t necessarily do things when her system recommends but I do them according to the priority her system ascribes to them as I’m able. 

FlyLady is a notoriously convoluted website so I really recommend learning from a secondhand source. The Secret Slob and Diane in Denmark are my favorites. 

Maintenance Lists

This Old House

There a lots of maintenance lists out there and honestly finding one and doing what you can is better than nothing. I personally like the ones from This Old House because they’re broken up into annual, seasonal, monthly, and some weekly tasks - which are essentially priority categories, similar to FlyLady. I’ve linked the winter one here but there are many others to pick through depending on what you want to work on. 

Bonus: Paper Clutter

My System

Link

This is what I’ve arrived at after years of experimentation. It’s an amalgam of a few different ideas from different systems in one place. I keep mind on my fridge but put yours where ever you’re dumping paper anyways. If you’re in a room or live in a car/backpack - I have ideas on how to organize it for those in this post too. 

Sunday Basket

YouTube Video

The Minimal Mom’s Video

She’s in Her Apron Video

Need something a little more robust? The Sunday Basket is probably be best version of a paper (and other stuff) system I’ve seen. Got something that needs dealt with? Chuck it in the Sunday Basket. The creator also has videos on long term paper storage ideas if that’s something you need as well. But her videos usually run an hour long so I recommend starting with either the Minimal Mom’s video or She’s in Her Apron’s video. 

Bonus: Digital Clutter

PARA System/Building a Second Brain by Tiago Forte

YouTube Channel

Website

Book

Essential Video

The branding on this system can be very productivity tech wonk which is off putting to me but when I finally started hearing what was at the core of it and applying it - my digital life was changed. I’ve linked my absolute favorite video he’s done here. Ignore the bit about it being the last in the series, most of us are already using some note app and if you like it you can always go back and watch the rest. But just applying what’s in that video to your digital systems will make things easier to find. 

Hope this helps someone out there! 

[your--isgayrights]

wait IS jhy confirmed trans? i was interpreting that way but it seemed like translation confusion when i read it. i'd be so happy if that was true ;o;

Short answer: JHY is definitely a woman, early translation confusion was largely due to the fact that Korean doesn't necessitate gendered pronouns as much as English, she is never specifically called transgender but her portrayal represents a lot of trans experiences and I choose to interpret her as transgender.

Long Answer:

Jang Hayoung as a character represents the webnovel catagory of 'transmigration,' wherein a character from 'the real world' wakes up in the body of a 'character' and must navigate their life. Jang Hayoung was a transcendent reborn into the body of Aileen Makerfield's 15 year old 'son' Aslan in the demon realm. To my understanding, Jang Hayoung's gender previous to her transmigration is unclear, it's possible that she was a cis woman in her first life. Hayoung (or Hayeong) is commonly from 夏榮 with the meaning 'glory of summer' and generally has a feminine connotation. Regardless, after her transmigration she has to face the dysphoria and challenges of 'spiritually' being a 23 year old woman in the body of a 15 year old 'boy,' and the interactions she has with other characters are easy to recognize trans experiences in to me.

Throughout 'episode 43' her gender is discussed a lot. YJH who has little concept of transmigration calls Jang Hayoung a weak 'guy' and a 'rude jerk,' to which Jang Hayoung replies 'actually I'm a bitch.' It's also shown around this time that through the scenarios, transformation of the body is possible to the point of changing gender representation, as Yoo Joonghyuk takes on the 'Punisher' persona while enduring a punishment for rescuing Kim Dokja. Afterwards, Jang Hayoung says something to the effect of 'no matter what your body is, if you are a girl you are a girl no matter what' and YJH vehemently agrees with her, leaving Kim Dokja very confused. My interpretation of this scene is that YJH gains experience of what Jang Hayoung feels being seen as 'the wrong gender' because of her body when he presents as the punisher because he still feels he is the same person as before, but I've seen other interpretations of Transfem-coded YJH that also make a lot of sense.

It's also good to note that in Korean gendered pronouns are not used as frequently, so Jang Hayoung confused many translators because her use of exclusively feminine pronouns is not confirmed until the first chapter told from her third person POV, after which most translators switched their pronoun choices for her.

For me ORV's interpretation of JHY's transmigration falls into a lot of the transgendery feelings that I have. One time a girl in a psych class asked my professor why there were so many genderqueer autistic people when one of the major symptoms of autism is struggling with changes and I had to get on my soapbox of like, to be honest I feel like I never really changed but suddenly everyone else around me did. Like it was never important to me whether I was a 'girl' or a 'boy' because basically those were like teams to be on in elementary school and it didn't matter. But then I was growing up and it was kind of like... There was something just so soul crushing to me about the idea of growing up to be a "woman" as opposed to growing up to be a "man," as arbitrary as those labels can be it just does mean something to me. Choosing to be a guy and let myself orient my experiences and social life around that concept just feels right and makes it easier to be myself without being misunderstood by others. So for me the idea that someone with kind of reverse feelings from me who has always been a woman having to endure the experience of being in the role of a 'prepubescent boy' is pretty representative of A Transgender Experience even if that language is not specifically used. It's also a lot more compassionate than representation seen in other works, or even earlier in ORV itself, and I think my favorite thing was Kim Dokja being told he was a dumbass for thinking a woman wasn't a woman just because she was in a 'boy's body,' lol.

[misguidedasgardian]

Wildcats (Part XVIII)

XVIII. For survival purposes

MASTERLIST

Summary: Thesis, Antithesis, Synthesis, that’s how it worked. 

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Zombie apocalypse AU, living dead, zombies, guts, blood, guns, injures, kissing, longing, angst, fluff, reader is horny, girl talk, might miss some important warnings, but you know what this is about

+18, MINORS DNI

You did not have more time to put Daryl up to speed, you both ran towards the place they were holding the meeting, the palace from where you had heard the gunshot. And what you saw when you got there was heartbreaking.

Pete was dead on the floor, headshot, Rick was still holding the gun. Deanna was crying, and in her arms, on the floor, stood Reg, bathed in blood.

Reg! you whimpered when you saw him.

He was the builder of all of Alexandria’s dreams, and there he was, dead, his throat slit open, blood still pouring from it. A katana on the floor, Deanna was weeping, as many others were too. In frightened moans. Jesse was there, watching her dead husband with eyes filled with tears.

You came back home after everything was sorted, you were shaken, but so was Daryl.

“I know he meant a lot for ya”, he said softly as you were walking back to the house

“He was going to teach me how to build real houses”, you whimpered, “meaning, structures and others… things we are going to need in the near future….”, you mumbled. Like the freaking wall around Alexandria. 

“You’ll figure it out”, he said softly, leading you with his hand on the small of your back. 

You stood on the porch, both of you, like two normal people, who after a normal date, the normal guy would accompany the normal girl back to her normal house and walk her to the normal door. And they were normally nervous, does she invite him in? Does she invite him back to her room?

He took a step forward leaving no space between the both of you.

He placed his hands on your hips, as he sighed. 

“Hey”, he muttered

“Hey”, you greeted back, looking at his beautiful eyes.

“I kiss ya”, he said

“Aren’t you sharp, Dixon? nothing scapes ya”, he snorted as you chuckled, “I enjoyed it, and I kissed you too, pretty aggressively, I might add”, you said with a wide smile

“Ya’ wanna to keep kissin’ me?”, he asked again, he seemed unsure, his eyes shone with what looked to be hope, and you hoped you could transmit how much you wanted it with your eyes as he was doing it himself. 

“Yes”, you said, hoping not to sound too eager. 

“Why?”

“Why?”, you echoed his question, how could he not get it?

“Why would ya? keep kissin’ someone like me?”

“Someone like you”, what does that even mean?”, you asked, incredulously, “someone kind? strong and compassionate? loyal? generous?, someone who would give his life for his family? Someone who can spend days hunting to make sure we don’t starve? someone who can survive in this fucked up world? someone devastatingly handsome? with arms for days?”, you kept going until he was blushing mess

“I’m way older than ya”, he said then. 

“I don’t care”, you said with a soft smile, “but I do care that all you’re doing is looking for excuses”, she chided softly, “we are going to find a lot, you too… my only question is why would YOU like to keep kissing me?” 

“Ya are the most beautiful person I have ever seen”, he drawled. “You’re badass, protective…”, he said, you smiled warmly at him, “Would ya like me to… keep kissin’ ya’?”, he asked softly. 

“I would enjoy that, yes”, you said, nodding excitedly, “and if you get tired I can always… kiss you”

“Soun’ fair”, he said, with a little smile. 

“Like this”, you said, leaning in and kissing him softly. He grabbed onto you, returning the kiss passionately. 

You released his lips again, because you believed you were never going to let him go if you didn’t, you shared looks, as he placed his forehead against yours. You breathed each other, enjoying eachother’s warmth

“Are you alright?”, you didn’t know what else to ask him, you wanted to know what happened in that trip

“Yeah”, he whispered softly against your lips. “Now I am”, you smiled warmly at him

“Want to talk about it?”, he shook his head. You weren’t gonna lie, you were disappointed but, you were not going to press him. Something happened on his run with Aaron, something that led him to realize something that led him to kiss you. 

But if he didn’t want to talk about it, the important part is that he was ok, he was back home, and he had kissed you.

He leaned in and kissed you now, and you enjoyed it even more…

Should you invite him to your room? Should you… screw him good like you wanted to for a while now? since the very first time you saw his naked arms, you believed.

Someone cleared their throats, making you split.

Michonne, Rick, Rosita and Abraham were looking at you, all of them with smiles on their faces. Rick looked at the two of you and he looked positively surprised. Like he just found his teenage daughter with a boy

“Well! about time!”, said Abraham. 

Daryl seemed completely uncomfortable, as he cleared his throat, looking everywhere but at the people there, including you

“Let’s leave them alone”, said Rosita, taking Abraham with her.

Only Rick, Michonne, Daryl and you entered the house. The silence that ensued turned awkward, really awkward. Rick didn’t seem to be in the mood to deal with any of it, he disappeared quickly.

Michonne winked at you before she disappeared as well, leaving the both of you alone.

“Do you want us to… go down to your room?”, you asked him, you believed he was going to be more comfortable in his domains. He smiled at you, but he leaned in and kissed you on your forehead.

“Let’s go to yours”, he said. Not only for having… intimacy of any kind with him, but you needed to talk. You were a bit disappointed that he had not let you go down there, since you had never seen his room, but again you were more comfortable in yours.

You closed the door when he entered the room behind you. 

“Wha’ happen?”, he asked, “when I was gone?”, you looked back at him with a conflicted look in your eyes. You were for certain nobody was going to hear you, so you could speak freely. 

“Everything happened quickly”, you said softly, “Rick and Pete started fighting in the street in broad daylight”, you started telling him everything that happened, “And when Deanna stopped him, he had a gun and started pointing it at people”, he didn’t seem impressed at all, “he started saying, that Deanna’s ways were over, that they needed to change… then Michonne herself knocked him out…”, you explained, “where did he get the gun? then I learned that he stole it from the armory…”, you said, “he told Glenn, Michonne, Carol, Abraham and me that he intended on a hostile takeover of Alexandria… but it didn’t came to it…”, you saw the guilt in his eyes as soon as you saw him, “you knew”, you said

“I did”, he said

“I thought of Carol…”

“She was in it too”, he said, “she stole guns from the armory…”

“Why?”, you asked him

“I didn’t take one”, he said lowly. You took a long breath

“Did you want to participate in a hostile takeover?”, you asked him

“If it was necessary”, he said, “but I wanted to try first”, you believed him.

“What was on Rick’s mind?”, you asked him

“I dunno”, well, definitively imposing his own vision of things on this place. A violent, but more realistic approach, “he wants to save this place, whatever it takes”, that whatever it takes being slashing some throats, for example. 

“What do you want to do?”, you asked him, he looked back at you. Both standing in the middle of the room. 

“I wanna us to be safe ‘ere”, he said, “Carl, Judith, ya… ya’ deserve it”. You only looked at him

“At any cost?”, you asked him

“It won’ come to it”, he said, “not after tonight”, Deanna had ordered Rick to execute Pete, Deanna had seen the “light”, so, he was right… You nodded at him. 

“So, can we finally call this place home?”, you asked him. He smiled

“Guess so”, he said finally. There was an awkward silence

“Do you wanna stay?”, you asked him. He moved where he stood, uncomfortably

“I reek”, he mumbled

“I don’t care”, you said

“M’gonna ruin yer sheets”, he whispered

“I don’t care”, you echoed, looking at him intensely, “we slept together on the road many times… I think… we should stick together, you know, for surviving purposes”, you said quickly, cheeks heated.

“G’night”, he drawled, kissing you int he forehead, and he left you there. mouth wide open as you saw him disappeared through the door.

He rejected you?

Is anybody else going to block your metaphorical cock? First Rick, then the entire group, and now the very man that was kissing you. You grunted, about to throw a fit like a kid.

You were a woman, a relatively healthy woman, and as such, you had needs.

And now you had a kissing buddy who could meet those needs… but that kissing buddy as much as ran away from you.

But you had just kissed, you couldn’t pressure him, you need to take it slow… a bit hard to take it slow when you had already literally sleeping with him

This meant nothing, right? that he as well as ran away from your room didn’t mean he didn’t want to be with you… in that way… right?

. . .

“so….”, you looked up from the blueprint at Rosita and Maggie, both looking at you with mischievous looks in their eyes. They had found you, the gazebo in the small park had become your sanctuary, is where Reg, Noah and you met, before they both died horribly. 

“So?”, you asked, even though you already knew what this might be about

“You had been… kissing… Daryl for a week now…”, teased Maggie, “soo… how is he?”

“Kissing?”, you asked, wanting to throw yourself into the lagoon and never resurface. Because kissing is all you have been doing…

It was… odd, to say the least, he would look for you, place his hand on your hip or waist when he was by your side… he would look for you every morning, to greet you and before he went on runs… 

But kissing is all you had been doing, a soft peck on the lips when he said good morning, or good night, or goodbye.

Everybody caught on by now, Daryl made sure to… make his presence known by your side in front of everybody by now, but then, when you were alone, he would just leave, especially when you invited him to your room, or tried to go with him to his.

“No!”, exclaimed Rosita, “you haven’t screwed yet?”

“Hey!”, said Maggie, slapping her shoulder playfully, but then she turned to you, “well… have you?”. you had been on edge, to say the least, you were about to start humping his leg like some horny dog, you were about to start climbing walls like a woman possessed by hornyness. 

“Come on! spill girl!”, encouraged Rosita. So you looked at the both of them and sighed loudly

“He won’t fuck me”, you admitted, “he won’t do it, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong”, they shared concerned looks

“It’s not you…”, said Maggie

“I haven’t been sutil”, you warned, “I have invited him to sleep with me, almost every night, on my room, and he won’t do it, I think I scared him, and now he won’t even go to the second floor in fear of me”

“He is special…”, said Maggie

“You know him the longest”, you said, closing your notebook and looking at her, “is he regretting ever kissing me?”, you asked her

“No”

“Have you spoken to him?”, you asked her

“No”, she echoed, “but I’m sure he doesn’t regret it, I mean… he made sure everybody knew you two are together, he might as well pee on you”, she giggled. 

You lowered your head, he hasn't even invited you out of the walls, like that day, you had such a good time, and if you suggested it… he shut it down quite quickly.

“Are we even together?”, you asked out loud

“He kissed you”, said Maggie, “he wants to be with you”

“It’s only been a week”, you whispered, “and I already feel like this is not advancing, we aren’t even speaking”

“So weird”, muttered Rosita, “Dixon looks like he would rail the shit out of you”, she said, you both laughed. It was tragi-comic at this point. 

Maybe you were getting ahead of yourself, maybe he was the one who wanted to take it slow… but he didn’t even want to hang out with you… 

From the gazebo you actually saw Daryl, jumping off of his bike with something in his hand and going into the pantry 

He had gone out of the walls everyday since that day… and even though you never needed him here, because Rick had been weirdly calm… you couldn’t help but actually feel trapped in here, you haven't gone out there like he had, He wouldn’t take you anywhere either, so…. you wanted to get out there, maybe, put some distance between you… maybe that’ll do you both some good, to help him figure out what he wanted.

You wanted to be with him, hang out with him, have talks with him, you wanted him to pin you to your bed and…you shook your head… What did he want?

But not only because of him… this place was making you weak, you needed to get out there, you enjoyed it, besides the walkers of course, you liked scavenging, not with the Alexandria team though.

You left the girls behind as you almost ran to the man, who was coming out, empty handed, out of the pantry/garage

“Daryl!”, you said excitedly, he seemed startled, “how did the run go?”

“Found the damn’ pasta maker!”, he said, excited, like he had found the cure. You laughed as you wrapped your arms around him, he placed his hands on your waist, smiling at you.

“I want to go out there”, you said, and yes, you were testing him, trying for the last time

“Wha’ for?”, he asked, frowning, “ya should stay ‘ere”, he said softly, learning in and giving you a peck on the lips, “need to go”, he mumbled, releasing you and walking away like you were the plague incarnate.

You walked back to Maggie and Rosita with your tail between your legs.

You wanted to get out there again, and you knew Daryl wasn’t going to take you.

Also, you wanted to be useful, to your family, and to put your piece into the new community. You wanted to get out there. 

And suddenly, you realized where you had to go. And you turned to Rosita. 

“I need to ask you something”, you said with a short smile. 

. . .

“I want to go to DC”, you said to Abraham, Eugene, Rosita and RIck, you had trouble setting this up, every time you had one, the other was somewhere else, but alas, here they were, besides Rosit helped. 

“Why?”, asked Rick

“Those three wanted to go for a reason”, you said, signaling to the trio

“It was a lie”, said Abraham

“Not completely, you said you were talking to people there, and Eugene wanted to go for a reason, and he was right, if there is someone left, is probably there”

“Deanna said they evacuated them all”, muttered Rick

“So it’s gonna be empty, either way”, you said simply

“Are you planning on sightseeing?”, mocked Rosita, you smiled

“I always wanted to see the Lincoln monument, but yeah… I think it’s a good idea, Atlanta was still… lively”, you muttered, but nobody looked convinced, “look, I will go, I just gathered you here to hear your opinions and if you wanted to join me, it's just a couple of hours from here”, you said surely, “I can go for a couple of days''

“You are not going alone”, commanded Rick. You took a long sigh

“I will not make anybody come with me, I get it's very dangerous”, you said with a convincing look, “but I feel like at least one of us has to see what’s up there, for closure or whatever”, you assured him. 

“I want to go with you”, said Rosita, and you smiled

“So do I”, said Abraham, “i want to see what all the fuss is about”

“I think its best if I stay put…”, Eugene kept mumbling objections, so you tuned him out. 

“Right!”, you said with a wide smile, “we are a team”, Rick looked a you

“Are you sure you want to do this?”, he asked

“Damn right”, you said

“I’ll need to talk to Deanna”

“Why?”, you asked that so quickly you earned a look of disapproval from Rick, “Sorry I forgot”

“Yeah, I don’t like it either”, said Abraham, “since when do we ask for permission?”

“I think it would be best”, he said simply, “let her know”

“But if she insists that one of those idiots has to go with us, I will cancel the whole thing”, you warned, he smiled and shook his head

“Right”, he said, “are you all sure?”

“We need to score a big run”, said Rosita, “DC is out safest bet”

“Fine”, he said, nodding, “I’ll tell Deanna tonight”

“No others”, you said

“You didn’t tell Daryl?”, all eyes were on you when Rick asked you that.

“No”, yous aid shortly, “he is out with Aaron, didn’t want to concern him

“Fine”, said Rick

@crazyunsexycool @capricxnt

[viamutationis]

OH GREY WARDEN, WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW.

ID in alt text, notes and oc infodump under the cut! PLEASE ask me about them they're my new babygirl of the week

Yeah. Ben-Hassrath Cousland is wild, I know. This was one of those 3 am thoughts that became a beloved oc and now they're my canon protag. Basically: She was being trained to be House Cousland's left hand to spy within the noble courts and intercept threats to her family's rule, and a large part of that meant being covertly sent to Orlais to train as a bard. Buuuut the bardmaster she studied under was an undercover Hissrad, and she wound up being converted to the Qun by her. Teenage Laurentia was in a spot where, like every kid, she was questioning the Andrastian beliefs she was raised with and all the unfair things she noticed in her society, so she was very open to the Qun.

Her role once she was sent back home was basically just to send reports detailing the inner workings of the Ferelden nobility and to be aware of any Tal-Vashoth activity in the area. Pretty benign shit, and the former task is what she was doing for her family anyway. Still recruited by the Wardens the normal way, via Duncan doing his "come with me if you want to live" shtick after the fam dies. None of the Blight Crew find her out save for Leliana, because Leli knows everything. She only reveals it to Sten just as he's about to hop on a ship back home LMAOOO.

They're genuinely very compassionate and sweet. A lil whimsical. Highly loyal and protective. Very lawful good (emphasis on lawful). It's a weird sort of internal reconciling - they are genuinely kind to most people and love listening to others' issues and helping them out. It just so happens that this makes them an excellent spy, because they're exactly the sort of person people feel comfortable opening up to, and they see no issue with passing relevant information on to the powers they spy for. The kindness is genuine, but it's also a tool, if that makes sense. Their duty comes before any attachments. On that Master Coercion grindset.

No romance because they're aro, but they do have a little homoerotic espionage cat and mouse goin on with Leliana (singing campfire songs and trading stories and braiding each others' hair included). They get along with all their companions besides Morrigan and Oghren, and even Morrigan is more just.. cordial passive aggression.

They exist in the same worldstate as my Orlesian Warden-Commander Gavriel! He's a veteran warden who joins them on the road after Lothering because his ass snuck into Ferelden to help the Wardens solo, and then he'll later become the WC while they become Arlessa because they have more political experience and he has more military experience.

They generally make the nicey nice choices, albeit not where magic is concerned, and even then it's purely out of an abundance of caution. They do NOT annul the Circle, they do that secret third option where you tell Greagoir there could still be blood mages so he puts the mages into quarantine and Wynne still joins you but the game counts it as siding with the Templars. They let Isolde kill Connor, rip lil dude. (Not like they have a choice, they would rather that than the blood magic anyway, but they kill Jowan soooooo.) Besides that, all nicey choices. Bhelen on the throne, Anvil destroyed, Zathrian reconciles and everybody lives, Ashes are not tainted, Loghain recruited, Alistair and Anora rule jointly, Gavriel and Morrigan know they'd never agree to the Dark Ritual so they do it behind Laurentia's back and nobody dies lmao.

Small notes on their disabilities: Wynne was the healer that did their cleft lip surgeries as a kid!! Their last surgery was when they were 6, so they do remember her :D & their hearing aids are lyrium-infused lazurite, the runes are all enchantments that combine to make it collect and amplify sound like an actual HA does. I love bullshitting magic technology.

Their mabari is named Princess, because they got her when they were 10, okay.

[bonefall]

Do you have anything on Hollypelt? I'm sorry i've been a little obsessed with her lately even though she literally does nothing

She's got a little mention on the ThunderClan Family Tree but she's admittedly a pretty small character in the grander scheme of BB!

Hollypelt is a Crusade Era molly. She's old enough to remember Mapleshade's exile, but might have been a young adult. Unsure.

She is the mother of Fuzzypelt, detested gene pool destroyer. In BB I managed to trim his devastation back, but Hollypelt's blood is still pretty influential!

I'm unsure who her mate was. They might actually be faded because their name isn't remembered, or it might be Mistpelt.

If it's Mistpelt it's divorce. Never speak to me or my cottonball son ever again

In any case, Holly raised Fuzzy alone.

She was buddies with Mothwhisker, somehow.

I'm unsure if it's mentor/apprentice or just friends, but it was completely non-romantic either way. Moth only likes other toms.

If I was picking cats for Pinepaw to be rescuing Crystal from during the Crusades, it would be Hollypelt and Mothwhisker.

Generally I see these two as BRUTAL together. They have excellent synergy and are both notoriously ruthless, but Mothwhisker is more... aggressive than Hollypelt.

Hollypelt holds a grudge and plots but Mothwhisker turns you into confetti on the spot.

Mothwhisker, Hollypelt, and Bloomheart are favorites of Oakstar during the Crusades. A trio of violent soldiers.

Off the battlefield, Hollypelt was also not the nicest girl around. She loved Fuzzykit fiercely, but she got in conflict with other cats regularly. Kind of grumpy, took innocent statements very personally

Had a tight-knit little circle of friends, and venturing out of that circle usually didn't go too well for either party.

Fuzzykit was the result of one of those times.

In spite of that, she was compassionate and loyal to her clanmates, and was cordial and polite to compensate for her lack of patience.

Though she wanted to die in battle, she starved during the Great Hunger. She, insistently honorably, refused to eat detestable "foods" like grubs or fish and wanted her Clanmates to eat first.

She was also small. Fuzzypelt is much larger than her, even though most of it is fluff. Hollypelt is like one of those pure black cats who's as thin as sticks, and Fuzz is a big black cloud.

[nilolol30]

Hi there, can I request Wukong x female S/O who is a big sister figure to MK? She's quite flirty, sassy and sarcastic and will not hesitate to kick your butt, but actually to her friends she's really kind, protective and compassionate. It can be either headcannons or one-shot, I leave that up to you. Thank you in advance!

At first he never paid much attention to you mainly focusing on Mk and his training but after he heard a bunch of stories about you he won't lie he got curious.

Not long after meeting you he's way more interested now mostly because you threatened him if he hurts Mk or put him in harms way even though he's a Almighty powerful being you didn't care.

Oh but that wasn't it no no no once you got comfortable around him you started tossing in flirts he was aware you did that with everyone but that doesn't mean it can't catch in off guard but now you and him toss flirts at eachother as a little battle on who can catch the other in the corner.

But what tops it off is you quick remarks always tossing in a few sarcastic jabs at anyone who annoys you or you're fighting and he's all for it have you heard this guy he loves quips too!

In all honesty Mk thought you guys were dating way before you actually were so when you both announced it he was confused and shocked it too you two THAT long but he fully supports it he wants you and his mentor to be happy and both of you are happy together.

While dating you both still do the flirt battle routine but obviously aiming to completely fluster the other it's amazing how you two manage to not make a repeat of the same compliment always shaking it up and making new ones.

He loves your protective side he's the same way himself but both of you mellow eachother out so the other doesn't go too far and both being protective of eachother Wukong found it pretty funny and doesn't really stop you unless you're about to chew off more than you can handle.

You both train together it's a normal routine sometimes you have a friendly little sparing session or just play fighting in general of course Wukong holding back to at least give you a chance.

[yurtb0y]

GNAWING ON THAT OC GIVE ME INFORMATION

YESYES OKAY!!! *inhale* SO.

(this all might change later since he's still pretty new)

General info I guess (haven't fleshed out his backstory much yet.)

was a Catholic priest before the AM takeover (obvis)

he's roughly in his mid/late 30's- early 40's

he doesn't have a name yet because I'm stupid.

He lived in the United States when AM attacked. He was born in Poland and moved to the US in his mid 20's. (probably someplace like Texas or Utah... )

probably gay or in some way queer but DEEPLY in denial. (also in my mind IHNMAIMS takes place in the 60s/70s somewhere around that time so like... y'know... also makes room for the religious guilt plotline.)

Kinda stopped believing in god after long enough in AM's complex because like really who wouldn't. throwback to Ted's entire spiel about AM being god y'know the one.( Ik that wasn't meant litterally but the sentiment still works.)

As for his relationship with the other survivors and his torture.

Ellen- He'd most likely be less harsh on her and not really like.... *ahem*. use her. He'd always been a pretty compassionate man he was never like the freaky creep kind of priest/pastor. He can most likely sympathize with her past a bit as well- or atleast as much of it as she's willing to share which I imagine isn't much.

Nimdok- This mf is Polish. He does not like Nimdok. (If we're talking game Nimdok which is what I'm basing this... AU, I guess? off of.) I don't think they'd actively beef but they'd prolly just try to avoid eachother within the group. In terms of book Nimdok I think there's a slight possibility they could've gotten along. Honestly for Nimdok like... (Idr if where I saw this I think it was from a fic somewhere) but I like the idea that he wasn't actually a n*zi but since it's mentioned his memory is fucked AM just convinced him and the others he was so pin them against him and fuck with him some more. idk man allied mastercomputer behaviour. It also makes me dread thinking about him a little less.

Gorrister- Surprisingly, I think they'd get along. Even if they don't share a religion I think they'd find solace in confiding their guilts in eachother, esp with Gorrister's guilt over what happened with Glynis-- also since it's mentioned in the book Gorrister used to be an activist (which I think is more interesting than his trucker backstory from the game so I'm sticking with the activist storyline.) I feel like he's the least likely to be quite as homophobic as the others (cause let's be real here.) so maybe. MAYBE. He'd eventually try talking about some of those buried up feelings with Gorrister. Unlikely though. Overall I think they could be the closest thing to friends I can imagine with their situation.

Benny- I think they could've gotten along pre-monkey'd, (For Benny I like to combine his book and game backstory in my mind so tldr he was a professor and was later fired when it was discovered he was gay and then the enlisted in the military and killed 3 people. boom.) I think Priest oc would've respected them but after the monkey moment I feel like he'd kinda treat him like the family dog just as the other survivors do.

Ted- Ohhh boy. I have some words I'm not sure I'm allowed to use on Tumblr. They'd either get along or beef or some secret third evil and more sinister thing. Toxic without the yaoi. They make eachother worse. I need to map my thoughts out better before I write anything about them out. giggles but not in a good way.

wow I really used this as an excuse to dump about my ideas for the other survivors too huh.

Whilst I haven't sat down to ponder how AM would fuck with him I do know I wanna play off the theme of guilt somehow. I can imagine him being ripped apart by wolves for some reason that's just been like stuck in my head the whole time I've been typing all this out. Also maybe almost something with sacrificial themes? I'm kinda thinking about how Benny's part in the game ends for inspo on that it's hitting the right vibe. Please don't cancel me I'm Polish and all my family is Catholic.

Annon I hoped you liked reading this cause I had fun writing it. Also here he is again for anyone who's seeing this but didn't see the og post.

also I'm SO open to name suggestions for this freak cause I've got NOTHING.

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

Hi! It's me again 😅

I wanted to ask if you could write something about Steven with a blind girlfriend again. They haven't dated for too long, so one day she asks him if she could touch his face so she can like know what he looks like, and at first, he's a bit insecure thinking that she might think he's not beautiful enough, but then realized that she has a huge smile on her face while she touches him very delicately, and then he starts smiling like an idiot, and they just fall more for the other. And at the end, she tells him that he's so beautiful and handsome, so he can't help but blush and get nervous trying to tell her that he's not, but she convinces him with so many kisses💖💖

hii angel!! this is super cute! thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌 @thewinterv

touch

Steven Grant x f reader

wc || 0.5k

warnings || none, just fluff

masterlist + rules

taglist

As someone who is blind, by nature, you heavily rely on your other senses to navigate the world. The most prominent of the four, touch.

Even though you were not able to see, you still found ways to feel grateful for all the other things in life, one of those things being your adorably sweet new boyfriend Steven Grant. You had only been dating him for the last couple of months, but there was just something so special and sincere about him that made you feel as though you’ve known him a lifetime. He was unlike any guy you’ve met before, one that was deeply compassionate and kind, one that was understanding and loyal.

With Steven you felt like you could do or say anything without the possibility of feeling judged, so today when you pondered the idea of his appearance, you felt as though it was safe to do so.

“Hey, Steven?” You ask, sitting up from the sofa to gaze in his general direction.

“Yeah, poppet?” He replies sweetly, placing his book on the desk and spinning around in his chair.

“I have a question.” You start, a smile spreading.

“A question?” He playfully responds, emphasising.

“Indeed.” You return, copying his tone.

He grins, scooting his chair towards you. “Go on.”

“Can I touch your face?”

“My face? You want to touch it?” He stutters in reply, his tone slightly awkward.

“Yeah— yeah, you know… so I can feel what you look like.” You respond, now somewhat uncertain with your question.

“You’re not gonna go thinking I’m ugly or something?” He chuckles, poorly hiding his discomfort.

“No. God, no. Steven, I wouldn’t dream of it.” You comfort, trying your hardest to reassure him.

He scoots along the cluttered hardwood, rolling his desk chair over to you. Gently picking up your hands, he holds them to his face, closing his eyes as he leans his head towards you. Slowly guiding your hands over his soft face, tracing over his eyebrows and brushing through the fluffy hairs. Your smile widens as you trail a finger over the bridge of his nose, feeling around. Whispering. “You have such a pretty nose.” Guiding your thumb over the outline of his lips, delicately tracing around the soft flesh.

“What?” You ask, hearing a soft muffled chuckle. “I don’t know… just you.” His own grin spreads as his eyes dart over your face, watching every slight reaction across your sweet features.

Playfully squishing his face together with a widespread smile. “You’re so beautiful.”

“I’m really not.” He mumbles, chuckling as he coyly tilts his head away.

Aligning his face back to you, gently shaking it to empathise your words. “So very handsome.” Leaning in, you pepper his face in short tender kisses, kissing all of the parts you thought were beautiful. “You’re so pretty Steven.”

You could tell by his lack of speech that he was processing your sweet words, thinking of ways to respond to the foreign feeling of being complimented. Whoever made him feel like he was otherwise, gave you great amounts of determination to convince him into believing he was handsome. You didn’t care how many times you had to repeat yourself, but you would do it for as long as he started to believe it himself.

[kyouka-supremacy]

Very assorted - and probably disorganized - thoughts on Akutagawa's immediate reaction on the night Dazai left the pm, since it's taken a pretty delineate shape in my mind for some time now.

I didn't use to have many strong opinions on how Akutagawa acted when Dazai left (although “unknown” uses as a concept of its own. Akutagawa disappearing, and no one knows where he was or what he did– until he comes back, but as a different man). That is up until recently, when I found this fic that described Chuuya storming to Akutagawa's place and all but threatening him to come to work the day after, and for all the days to come– and thus, urged him not kill himself. And I didn't think much about it initially, yet the scene slowly, unconsciously got ingrained in the bsd canon I have in my mind. And although one could fairly think Chuuya was spiraling in his own depressive episode that night, I feel like it's feasible to believe he'd still look out for Akutagawa. Not because Chuuya cared about Akutagawa in particular (at that point of the story, I genuinely think he didn't experience any strong feeling of any kind for Akutagawa, much less had a general good impression of him), but simply because that's what Chuuya does: he looks out for his own. He's perceptive enough to grasp that Akutagawa was but a kid at serious risk in that moment, and he's compassionate enough to go out of his way to help him, even though they barely knew each other, even though Chuuya himself was hurting like crazy that night (and perhaps even because that's simply what he does to cope with great distress and impending grief: keeps himself busy, tries to think of others before himself).

And there was, indeed, a very real chance Akutagawa was going to kill himself that night. Maybe he wouldn't, for Gin; but I'm not even sure. Dazai was the man who told Akutagawa he would have found a reason to live in the mafia, and now he's gone, the man who himself had seemingly become his reason to live; what's left for him in life anymore, what's the point of going on?– is probably what he must have wondered.

In my mind, the Akutagawas only have had two houses since they joined the pm. The first one was a small but comfortable, nice apartment that was assigned to them by the pm right after they joined, their first proper house. The second, a bigger, more comfortable penthouse, they had to move in after Ryuunosuke completely destroyed their first one on the night Dazai left– caught up in that kind of uncontrollable rage that only comes from inhuman pain. That night, Ryuunosuke got home blind and out of reason. He asked Gin to go away, and when she refused to, he pushed her out of the house with his ability, despite having always refrained from touching her with it, despite having always paid careful attention to never use his ability near or on her. And as soon as she was out of range he started destroying everything with and without his ability, until he could see nothing but red, everywhere. And once he destroyed everything, once the only thing left to destroy was himself, he cowered in a dark angle and howled, covered in blood, unable to speak, hideous and inhuman, nothing but a rabid dog. And his scream echoed the one he released the night he met Dazai for the first time; and if that day he had experienced his first emotion, now he was feeling a second new, deeply painful one. Maybe that's when Chuuya had come in, and told him he was not allowed to kill himself; maybe Gin had called Hirotsu, and Hirotsu had called Chuuya, and Chuuya stormed in, and ordered him to come to work tomorrow. Because Chuuya is smart; because he knows that orders are something familiar for Akutagawa, something that can help ground him; because he knows Dazai is not worth killing oneself over. And Akutagawa didn't kill himself that night, and he kept hurting for a long time, but eh. Eventually, he'll be okay.

[fallenrocket]

I feel a little apprehensive putting this into words. I guess I'll just start by saying that this is 100% IMHO. I know a lot of people are celebrating "Rogue" and really love the Doctor/Rogue dynamic--I'm not contradicting them or trying to downplay the significance of seeing the Doctor in a same-sex romance, especially after the show seemed to hold back with the Doctor and Yaz. I get that this episode is a big ol' "happy Pride to us!" moment for a lot of fans, and they have every right to feel that way. I just want to talk about why I, an aroace who views the Doctor as aspec, had a hard time fully embracing it.

From the moment I heard chatter that Fifteen was going to be drawn more to men than women, I was fine with it. As I've said before, one of the fun things about Doctor Who aspec headcanons is that each regeneration feels ace in different ways. Most of the new Who Doctors are some flavor of romantic, and plenty of them have been neutral or receptive to men flirting with them. It's all good. I just hoped that an m/m-leaning Doctor still felt ace to me, the way that m/f- and f/f-leaning Doctors have. I was hoping not to get, "The Doctor is gay now, and he's DTF!"

In my view, when the Doctor is drawn to someone, it's always primarily about who they are and what they do, not what they look like. The Doctor does use words like "beautiful," "gorgeous," and "sexy," but they're far more likely to use them in reference to a machine/creature/constellation than to a person. The Doctor forges deep soul connections in their romances while also giving just as much weight and respect to their platonic connections (love you forever, Fifteen and Ruby!) The Doctor's version of "flirting" is usually just being themselves, which people can't help falling in love with, and they're often slow to realize other people are flirting with them. Different Doctors have different reactions to kissing, but 1) they're often the one being kissed, not the other way around, and 2) they often find themselves surprised by kisses. When it comes to sexual references/propositions, their responses usually range from uncomfortable to confused to "does not register at all that there is something sexual here."

Nine when Jackie gives him the old "there's a strange man in my bedroom, anything could happen": ...No.

Ten when Lilith tries to seduce him: Now, that’s one form of magic that’s definitely not going to work on me.

Eleven when Craig says to give him a shout if he needs privacy with a girlfriend or boyfriend: Oh, I will! I’ll shout. Yes, something like, “I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS!!”

Twelve when River points out that he has no idea whether or not she looks "amazing": Well, you, you’ve moved your hair about, haven’t you?

Thirteen when Yaz's mum asks if they're dating: ...I don’t think so. Are we?

Now, I get that the show doesn't owe me an aspec Doctor, but what it's given me so far has pretty much always fit into that headcanon nicely. I love that this show is led by a brilliant, imaginative, compassionate hero who has boundless love for their friends and doesn't really care about sex.

That's the energy I was hoping for with Fifteen, and "Rogue" doesn't really deliver it for me. I'm not saying that an aspec person can't respond to Rogue the way the Doctor does, but to me, it just feels off compared to how the Doctor usually is in romantic situations.

When Rogue invites him for a walk outside and the Doctor remarks, "Fast mover," before following him--would any other Doctor take that as a proposition?

Just generally leading with the physical--handsome strangers, commenting on how good Rogue looks in his jacket, "you're hot" on the psychic paper. Again, I've seen the Doctor fall for people based on their bravery, their kindness, their intelligence, their skill in a crisis, etc. They usually are hot, in the way that most people on TV are, but that's not why the Doctor likes them. And with Rogue, that seems to be the very first thing the Doctor notices about him. What qualities of his is the Doctor drawn to?

The Doctor taking more of a lead when it comes to overt flirtation--given that Rogue is kind of a brusque, prickly loner, he likely wasn't going to start it off, but it feels weird to me to see the Doctor take the reins on a romance that isn't some kind of pretense (a la Ten proposing to Queen Elizabeth because he's trying to prove she's really a Zygon.)

I'm not about to say this episode is blatantly sexualized or "think of the children!" or anything like that. And honestly, Fifteen's portrayal here isn't drastically far off from previous characterizations of the Doctor. But there are just lots of little things that, if I was writing it, I'd have nudged slightly to put the Doctor's reactions to Rogue more in line with how they reacted to Rose/Reinette/River/etc.

***

I'd open with the Doctor curious about Rogue as someone who clearly isn't from that time/place, drawn more to the mystery than anything else. When Rogue is dour in response, the Doctor teases him--he's at a party, he's in a playful mood, and he wants the guy to lighten up.

They go outside--maybe together, maybe separately--but they both come across the duchess's shoe, shortly followed by the duchess herself. Rogue makes a clever observation or asks an Excellent Question that piques the Doctor's interest, but then he's disappointed when Rogue pulls the gun on him. Something along the lines of, "Bounty hunter? Just when I thought I met someone interesting," or, "I thought you were clever! How can you find so much evidence and follow it to exactly the wrong conclusion?"

Still, the Doctor's annoyed, not worried. He's confident that he can either convince Rogue he's wrong or get away, so he keeps up the teasing. But when Rogue takes him back to his ship, the Doctor quickly picks up on the fact that it's made to be flown with two. He's becoming slightly more worried about his own predicament, but he also wonders what pain Rogue is trying to conceal, and the little surprising touches around the ship--the DnD dice, the music--are piquing his interest again.

The Doctor uses the scanner to prove he's not a Childur, and Rogue realizes he only wants to capture the right person. The Doctor starts to think maybe there's hope for this guy yet. They go to the TARDIS and have basically the same conversation: "Pure Imagination," the pitch to travel with the Doctor (with added emphasis on there being better possibilities out there than bounty hunting,) and the two of them opening up about continuing on after loss. It's in this scene that Rogue really starts to feel drawn to the Doctor. He considers a kiss, but the Doctor is distracted by reprogramming the triform and misses signals that are visible from space.

Back at the ball, the Doctor and Ruby reconnect and catch each other up. Somewhere in there, they have a brief side exchange about Rogue. Ruby makes a comment about his good looks, and the Doctor says something like, "Is he? Now I know he's a bounty hunter, but he wants to do the right thing here. And no one who listens to Kylie could be all bad!" He spitballs a few "scandalous" ideas before realizing that him and Rogue dancing would be the juiciest. Fewer pregnant pauses and smoldering looks here, maybe some awkwardness like, "We could--I mean, if you wanted to--just to draw her out, mind..."

It's during the dance that the Doctor really starts to twig that he might be catching feelings, even as he stays focused on the task at hand. And it's not until Rogue pulls the proposal move that it occurs to the Doctor that Rogue might possibly be catching feelings for him too.

Climax mostly plays out the same way. Again, less of a pregnant pause with the kiss. Lean into the Doctor's distress over Ruby--maybe Rogue says something like, "Shh, it's okay," before going in for the kiss. The Doctor's face registers surprise, then he kind of melts into it, then before he knows it, Rogue has swapped places with Ruby and is telling the Doctor to find him. And then he's gone.

And this has nothing to do with ace stuff, but I'd set the last scene between the Doctor and Ruby in the TARDIS, with Ruby walking in to find the Doctor aggravated that he's tried numerous options and can't lock onto a way to track Rogue. He tries to play it off--"It was always a longshot, endless dimensions out there. Where to next, huh?"--and Ruby shuts him up and encourages him to let himself feel this loss.

***

But I dunno. Equality doesn't equal equity. Maybe if the Doctor's romance with Rogue had a similarly light touch as some of their m/f connections, people would be arguing that it wasn't really a romance. That the Doctor "clearly" wasn't into Rogue like Rogue was into him, or that the show was pulling its punches with a "sanitized" m/m romance. I can't speak to that experience, and maybe my version wouldn't come off well for reasons I can't see.

And like I said, if you love the Doctor/Rogue, that's great. I'm glad that you got an episode like this during Pride, and I know I can't blame a show for not following my headcanon. I went into "Rogue" apprehensive but hoping I'd love it, and these are just my thoughts and reactions to the episode.