#geez louise okay

[dragonmuse]

WIP Updated: Hymn for the Hymnless

Chapter 3: I could fight forever but, oh, life is too short

Apparently Lucius was too committed to the narrative to ask. Pete wanted to interrupt too. Pete wanted to stop all of this somehow. To make the torrent stop, but he also wanted to know it all. His silence held. 

[cutter-kirby]

come on simon

[cconfusedkat]

No lambs were hurt in the making of this video (trust)

I haven't been sharing all my recent videos but I wanted to share this one since I shared the first wip of it ,,,,, I think they're sooooooooo silly

[voltrons]

i have done nothing but Experience Library for the past so many months and i think this - with a SINGLE MONTH left to go in school - is my limit. my brain has left the building. it’s over

[coveholdenmyluv]

Mean Girls - Eren Jaeger

synopsis. Eren's the new kid at Trost Academy and being fresh meat in his senior year isn't easy. Especially so when the only friends he's made yet have managed to convince him to help them mess with "The Plastics". The problem?

He's got the biggest crush on their queen bee, Y/N.

series masterlist.

chapter warnings. Foul language, rich ppl, mentions of vomit, mentions of shitting your pants (what even are these warnings LMAO), laxatives, mentions of giving a character laxatives, hitch is a bitch (I love her I’m sorry I made her like this), drama drama drama, a lot of menstrual product talk (these characters are very comfortable talking abt these things!)

chapter synopsis. From a brawl at the supermarket to a meeting with the Queen bee’s arch nemesis, our trio’s plan preparations seem to be coming together! Though, will learning some lore regarding our resident plastics impede on Eren’s drive? Perhaps the future isn’t looking so bright for our revenge seekers…

chapter 2. Fuck with the Plastics: start

"Bag secured, over." Mikasa spoke in her usual monotone voice.

"And... you're completely sure that this will only make her a bit gassy, right 'kasa?" Armin spoke next, the shake in his voice painfully obvious even through the speaker of Eren's phone. With no answer, he tries again, "Guys? Hello?"

Silence.

"You're supposed to say 'over', Armin!"

"Oh! Over."

"Alright, mine is secured too... over?" Eren announced as he slipped his arm through the plastic bag, doing his best to be inconspicuous, though the hood over his head isn't helping his case. His attire was mostly to calm his troubled conscience.

The three way call had one purpose and a very important one at that.

Phase one of 'Fuck with The Plastics'.

"Good boy," Mikasa purred and Eren swore he could hear the mischievous grin his reply had caused to form on her face. "Now Armin, relax. All this is gonna do is make her tummy a bit upset, a little gas here and there never hurt anyone. She'll get the humiliation she made Eren bear... only much much worse because of her status, plus ruin her chances of winning this highly anticipated game and possibly her entire athletic career. Over."

"Please, stop repeating what could go wrong. I'm getting nauseous again..." Eren groans into the speaker.

"Mikasa, you say that now but, what if she's allergic to it or something? Ohmylanta, what if she dies?!" Armin screeches and Eren fears he may begin to wail soon. "I don't wanna go to jail guys! I can't go back!"

"Geez Louise, Armin." Eren winces as he pulls the phone away from his ear. "My ears are bleeding."

"Oh wait Eren, now that you reminded me, can you get me some pads from the store? My cycle is pretty heavy today." Mikasa asks.

"Uh, T-M-I Mikasa..." Armin mutters as he glances around the student aid center. His portion of contribution to the trio's master plan is arguably the least interesting, though the boy didn't seem to mind. All he was put in charge of was attaining their tickets for the game, which they receive free of charge with their student ID's.

"Mikasa, I'm literally already walking out of the store." Eren says exasperatedly, though his pace has already begun to falter in preparation for his U-turn.

"Well then, go back? If I bleed out all over the bleachers, it's your jacket I'm using to wipe it clean. The ball is in your court."

"Oh my gosh, fine!" Eren relents. "What size?"

"XXL."

Silence reigns over the three, and Eren swears everyone in the supermarket had audibly halted all movements along with them.

"Mikasa, you know damn well..." Armin begins.

"Armin! Shut the hell up, the length helps with my leakage so mind your own business!"

"Zayum, okay geez."

"Wings or no wings?" Eren asks, already having made his way back into the multiple isles freshly restocked.

"Wings, please. I want to be ready for anything." The girl answers ominously.

"I don't even want to know what that means. I'll head back to the academy after I'm done with this, where do you guys want to meet?"

"The restrooms near the cafeteria are right beside the doors that lead to a path straight to the stadium. We can meet there." Armin suggests, already beginning to make his way towards the meeting spot.

"Okay. Actually, since I'm here, do you guys want any snacks for the game?" Eren asks while he grabs a box of fruit roll ups and a bag of hot Cheetos for himself. "How long does a soccer game last?"

"A little under an hour and thirty minutes, and that's if they don't go into over time which they probably will, considering who they're playing against." Mikasa answers, "Oh, and I'll take an oat meal crème pie and a red Gatorade. But! The one with the twistable cap that you can suck on."

"We'll see how long this one will last with what we have planned, though." Armin mutters into the speaker anxiously, "Anyway, I'll take some Skittles, baby Gerber puffs, Teddy Grahams, Hubba Bubba, strawberry Hello Pandas, Scooby-Doo snacks, Gushers, Pirate's Booty-"

Eren hangs up before the other boy could finish, deciding it wasn't worth his weekly allowance.

He had already arrived at the feminine hygiene products aisle by the time Armin had sent him the remaining 27 items on his wishlist for tonight, which Eren promptly ignored. The wall that held most of the menstrual supplies was expanse and slightly intimidating to the teenage boy's eyes, though that was not to say he was taken off guard. Having a close relationship with your mother desensitizes you to a large amount of aspects of womanhood that most immature boys his age would either cringe at or ridicule.

He knows the brand his mother uses is best for absorbing, but they're not the best at being discreet. He wonders which Mikasa would prefer, though he decides that coverage and preventing leakage must have been her priority considering her earlier words. Deciding upon the trustworthy brand he had always picked up on late night pad runs with his mom, he notices how it seems to be the only brand that has yet to be restocked. The one in his hand being the very last one in XXL.

As he turns to leave the isle, a high pitched voice, practically whining curse words, catches his attention. Before he instinctively turns his head towards the sound, he internally prays for there to be no reenactment of his first encounter with Armin, knowing he couldn't bear to handle another stereotypical bully, much less work up the courage to stand up to them once more. 

"They don't have that one today, I swear I've looked everywhere!" The, now visible, person speaks into the cell phone clutched to his ear. "I don't know? Does everyone suddenly use the biggest size available? I know you do not need double X."

It seems to be a young boy, perhaps only a few years younger than Eren himself, with messily styled H/C hair and a few piercings adorning his delicate face.

"The one with the purple flowers on the box or the navy blue one with the stars?" The young boy asks, his impatience slowly making its way into his features.

Wait, purple flowers?

Eren's gaze moves back toward the box in his hands and his eyes trace those exact purple flowers printed and plastered smack dab in the center. Though, he knows there are tons of other brands that use matching floral patterns, perhaps this boy was looking for the one with the green background instead of the pink one Eren held.

"The one with the pink box, right?" The boy asks.

Well, perhaps he was searching for the 7 hour wear edition instead of the 8 hour one Eren got for Mikasa. Surely that was the case-

"8 hour version? Do you need to charge it or something, why is there a time limit?"

Certainly he couldn't be looking for the same size, not many people would be as paranoid as Mikasa due to leakage-

"Mm, XXL? Oh, cause of leakage, got it."

Run, that's what Eren needs to do. He knows how far passionate boyfriends would go for their lovers, especially ones as young as the boy he is sharing the aisle with. Kids his age will either pay romantic relationships no heed or take them far too seriously.

Though, before he could pivot in the other direction, the boy ends the call and turns to presumably search for the pink floral box in the size XXL. Coincidentally, the exact box Eren plans to buy.

The last box.

Green meets E/C.

His heart drops to his ass and his arm hastily shields the prized object behind his back as visible sweat forms on his forehead. Though, truly his efforts were all for naught.

Silence follows as the two teenagers hold eye contact, one accompanied with worry creases near his brows and the other with an unamused pout to his lips.

"Those are the last double X they have in stock, aren't they?"

"...Perchance..."

The H/C boy sighs and holds his hands up in surrender. "Look, dude. I come in peace, it's fine. What do I look like to you? Someone who would go batshit over menstrual products?" Eren shakes his head hastily, to which the younger boy agrees. Of course, what was Eren thinking? Incriminating a person who looked to be no older than the age of 15 was not cool on his part.

"You're right, My bad."

Letting any past thoughts flee his mind, Eren resumes his standstill with the stranger, neither seemingly knowing what to do next...

...before the stranger juts a finger behind Eren and exclaims, "Hey, look over there, it's TSwift!"

"What?! Where?!"

Eren was tackled to the ground and landed with a coherent 'oof', the assailant clambering on top of his chest and tugging at his arms to loosen the tight grip on the box that remains in his hands.

"That was a low blow, you psycho! I haven't seen her since I was in fifth grade!" Eren whines as he tries to free himself. Deciding that his actions were amounting to nothing, he thrusts the box away from his body and above his head, the cardboard sliding across the tiled floor of the supermarket.

"Morality is non-existent when it comes to the last box of pads, pretty boy!" The younger boy grits as he abandons Eren's body in favor of stumbling to his feet to reach the box.

As the boy steps over his head, Eren grabs onto one of his leather boots, causing him to plummet with his fingers outstretched only inches away from the prize. Eren flips himself onto his stomach and scrambles over the other boy, laying a palm atop his face to thwart his vision. In retaliation, though not after a sharp squawk, the boy chomps on the fingers overlaid his mouth, causing the brunet to cry out in pain.

"Give up!" The boy demands, "I don't care if I have to bite every one of your fingers off, I'll be leaving with that box!" He declares and delivers a torturous blow to Eren's crotch, causing him to wheeze and topple over in pain. "Aha!" The boy proclaims as he nears his victory, emitting a cry of premature success.

Though, before his slender fingers are able to reach the jackpot, his worst fear is born into existence.

"My Prada boots!" He squeals in agony and fear as Eren holds the cherished shoe above his head triumphantly and a pained smirk creases onto his face. "Don't you dare you monster, they're monolith!"

"You rich people are all the same," Eren scoffs as he throws the boot aways behind him, not sparing a glance in the direction as the boy abandons the box in favor of running over to his beloved shoe. Eren limps over to the pink box and swipes it up with an exhausted sigh escaping his lips. "I win." He states in a cocky tone, taking pride over the brawl he emerged victorious from, already preening at the amount of bragging rights he had just earned himself. "Mikasa, you owe me big time- ack!"

Not without a war cry, the unrelenting stranger rams a shopping cart into Eren's body, forcing the brunet back onto the ground and causing the box to slip out of his grasp and slide onto the floor once again.

"Never mess with my Prada boots again," He heaves and delicately steps over to the abandoned box, taking it into his hold and placing a kiss atop the the printed flowers. "Auggie, you're awesome." He then turns to face Eren and boldly upturns his pierced nose at the sight of the older boy sprawled on the floor. "You put up a good fight, unfortunately for you I reign superio-"

"I didn't hear a bell!" Eren shouts as he springs up and tackles the shorter boy, resulting in the two wrestling on the ground once again, just as they had originally started. Scratching, kicking, and biting their way across the floor, though noticeably making zero progress towards the box they both sought out.

An awkward cough acts as the bucket of cold water that halts their movements, both boys craning their heads in the direction of the sound alike deers in headlights.

An employee that hauled a cart filled to the brim with pink cardboard boxes and printed purple flowers decorating their surfaces stood before their tangled ball of limbs, gifting them a critical stare. Leisurely, and hesitatingly so, she tucks the prized boxes where they belong, before scurrying away with her haul of products stacked into her squeaky cart.

An air of silence follows the departure of the poor retail worker, both boys remaining stunned by the sudden appearance. Though, after realizing what a compromising position they had been caught in, the unraveling of their limbs went unspoken as they stood simultaneously.

Another awkward cough, though this one originating from the brunet, filled the vacant space between the two. Eren grabs ahold of one of the boxes that was recently stocked, his head hanging low in embarrassment. "So..." He utters hesitatingly.

The younger boy clears his throat, "M sry." He mutters.

"What?"

"I said I'm sorry! ...I know that Tswift joke was wrong of me."

Eren sighs in resignation, now realizing how idiotic his actions were, especially considering the fact that he seemed to be the older of the two. "It's fine. I guess we were both signed up for errand boy today, huh?"

The stranger shook his head, "Yeah but, to be honest, this is my first time going on a pad run for my sister. I wasn't 'old enough' a few years ago, and even then we don't usually do our own shopping. Our butler handles all of that."

"Oh..." It was stupid of Eren to forget that most people in his city were lathered in riches, but he did. His recent encounter with this new boy only furthered his forgetfulness, because what sort of opulent teenage boy was willing to engage in a full out brawl for a box of pads? "Well, either way. I'm guessing these aren't for you?"

"Nah, they're for my sister's friends. But, she can get pretty impatient real quickly and I'm not in the mood to deal with teenage Godzilla. She'd probably run me over with her convertible."

The mental image of Godzilla driving a convertible, only to then run over an edgy teen made Eren chuckle, "I get it, this size seems to be in high demand."

"My sister says that it's because of leakage, whatever the hell that means. I don't even think I want to know."

Eren smiled sympathetically, little brother ignorance was something he knew about all too well. "So, why are you here instead of your butler? I think I would have stood a better chance against him if I'm being honest."

The boy shrugs nonchalantly, "She says it's an emergency. Those girls can get pretty scary when in a state of panic. For being older than me, you'd think they'd be better at dealing with stress."

"I understand completely." Eren huffed in exhaustion, "My friends and I are dealing with these real popular kids at our school, we've got an ulterior motive of course, but we've seen a fair share of their antics and I can tell we'll have our hands full. At least the pay off will be worth it. We have a whole plan and everything."

The boy cackled a laugh that shook his whole body and clapped a palm onto the older boy's shoulder, "You don't say? What's such a good prize worth dealing with what seems to be a bunch of rich maggots eating away at your soul?" He asked.

"Well, it has to do with this girl..." Eren begun to attempt to elucidate the entire situation to this stranger but in the end only arrived with stutters, before he decided that the effort of reliving his trauma was not worth it. He sighed, "It's a long story."

Unexpectedly, a highly pitched rendition of 'I'm Just a Kid' began to chime in the stranger's pants, causing him to wince and groan in annoyance. "A story that I can't stay for, unfortunately." He muttered before slipping the device out of his pocket. "It's Godzilla." He confirmed his suspicions but made no moves to accept the call. Instead, he offered a jeweled hand towards the brunet.

This hand wasn't like the one that was offered to him earlier today. Instead of diamonds and gold, silver and various colored stones wrapped around this boy's digits, crowning them with luxury and status.

"My name's Augustine, but you can call me August." He paired with a friendly grin, bringing attention to the silver lip ring hung on his bottom lip.

For some reason, this boy struck something within Eren. He didn't know what it was, but there was a sense of reminiscence flooding his senses when he stared at his smile. The reminiscence that creeps up on you when you look at your sibling and recognize that the shirt they have on is in fact not theirs but yours.

He can't put his finger on it... but August reminded him of someone.

Nonetheless, he excepted his dressed hand with his own bare one. "Eren, it's just Eren."

"Alright, just Eren. I have to go, but hopefully I'll see you around!" August called out as he scampered down the aisle before Eren could have gotten another word of parting out.

What a nice guy, Eren hopes to see him again.

After grabbing the snacks that his newest friends had ordered, promptly ignoring 25 items on Armin's list, he pays the nice woman working the register and makes his departure. By the time he steps back on the pavement, the sun has begun its decent, painting the concrete buildings and vibrant trees in a golden hue.

Trost truly is a beautiful district — the architecture alone places it on a superior level when compared to many other extravagant districts out there.

Eren himself has never lived the kind of life that his new friends or acquaintances were born into. Although having a successful doctor for a dad, it was never an aspect that had ever brought upon wealth for the Jeager family. His mom rapidly rising in her fashion designer career is what has brought him to such a district as this one. Mrs. Jaeger is well on her way to being known for her individuality, and he couldn't be filled with more pride.

Having to leave his old school was pretty easy for him, he had never had many friends there anyway. Sure there were the few he could greet in the hallways, but none that had ever willingly stricken a genuine conversation with him, much less an interesting one. Though, that's not to say the experience of moving out of the blue in your senior year was something he was excited about either, that wouldn't be a nice time for anyone.

It was just his luck that he'd already made a fool out of himself on his very first day. In front of his crush to boot.

Y/N Ackerman.

He wouldn't lie to himself and proclaim that he has no feelings towards the girl. He quite literally puked on her because the amount of emotions she made him feel at a single glance proved to be overbearing to his body. Though, a portion of himself finds itself conflicted. Actually, scratch that - multiple portions of himself find themselves conflicted. As if the little people in his head are arguing against each other, and he isn't sure which side he should be on.

On one hand, the purple person that he decides to name Armeen is arguing that he should hate the girl. Mikasa said that Y/N had surely made it her goal to embarrass Eren in an attempt to solidify her superiority against him and that she was a vicious person with the ugliest soul she had ever seen. 

On another, the red person, Mika Mika, proclaimed that he already hates her. Armin and Mikasa have informed him of her vile friends, the people she willingly surrounds herself with. She condones their actions by mere association. Not to mention the absolute joke she had made of him, which was sure to have cost him a year's worth of ill-repute. Hell, probably even the rest of his soon to be miserable life.

But then, as if he had grown a sudden third hand, there appeared a pink person. This one unnamed, whispered details the other two would surely never approve of. How could she be a vicious person, when she had went out of her own way to not only invite him, but his only friends, to her highly anticipated game AND her own home, knowing that everyone in their grade had heard the abrupt invitation? She was willingly attempting to help him fix his image. How could the person those little people in his head describe as ruthless and callous, ever make his insides light on fire, as if he was a skewered rotisserie chicken on a white Sunday morning? How could the devil herself bring upon him feelings only talked about in movies?

Manipulation.

Gaslighting someone to their wits' end by batting her fluffy lashes. It's an old tactic really, but one that would never die out, nor could it. Eren isn't stupid, he knows the truth of the situation. How dire a messy set up like this could have affected her reputation as well, he gets it. Understands that measures need to be taken to prevail through such a trying time. When you're at the top, tiptoeing a razors edge, everyone at the bottom has a clear shot to shoot you down. Those mean comments and accusations of prejudice are just the paint strokes crafting a precise target onto her back.

But, to bring him and his friends into her little scheme?

To escape that threat, you need to move, and to move, you need stepping stones. Eren won't let himself or his friends be used as stepping stones.

That's exactly the reason why the three of them have developed a plan to knock her off of her prodigious throne. No longer will they allow the Queen Bee of Trost Academy to continue her reign of exploitation.

Instead, she will... shit her pants?

Well, that's the best they could come up with, so it'll have to do.

It was simple in nature really, Eren simply needed to buy her a drink, one that Mikasa claims has always been her favorite pick to drink before a game, though Eren still questions how she even had that information, and then he will offer that said drink to her as a peace offering.

A seemingly innocent gesture, except it's not. Mikasa was in charge of acquiring laxatives which they would infuse into the refreshment, which Y/N would drink and whatever happened next would be left up to fate. Though, Armin had elucidated three paths that which this plan could take.

Probability 1: She'd harbor a stomach ache, forcing her to be benched due to her poor performance, effectively eliminating the captain of Trost's varsity soccer team. Ruining her image, their chances of winning their vital game of the year, and her life.

Probability 2: She'd fart up a storm, or worse, ruining her image of the ideal senior of the year, their chances of winning their vital game of the year, and her life.

Probability 3: She'd pull an Eren and projectile vomit all over her teammates and opponents. Ruining her stellar image, their chances of winning their vital game of the year, and her life.

The third was preferred for their goal of seeking revenge, but they wouldn't complain if either of the other two played out perfectly.

"Finally, Eren! You took so long, we started to wonder if you had gotten lost on the way here." Armin says as the boy approaches their meeting spot.

"I did, three times. There is no need for this school to be so damn huge."

"Well, you're here now so..." Mikasa surreptitiously looks over her shoulder and then Eren's, "You got the goods?" She asks.

"Stop acting shifty Mikasa, you're making me nervy." Eren rebukes, eyes glancing from side to side in paranoia.

"Do you have it or not." She exasperatedly asks. He timidly ushers the plastic bag her way, his back moving to obstruct the exchange from any prying eyes. "Good boy, keep me covered and I'll crush these bad boys and then pour them in."

"Hurry 'Kasa, I don't wanna go to jail!" Armin's nerves get the best of him, and just as Mikasa began to pour the laxatives into the energy drink, his trembling palms latch onto her shoulders and begin to shake her back and forth. Unfortunately, the forcible motions cause her hand to slip and pour more than what was necessary for what they had planned. "Oops..." He breathes.

Eren's jaw drops at the amount, "Holy shit, are you- are you sure that's okay?" A dramatic gasp forcibly rasps his throat, "She's not actually gonna die, right?!"

"Uhm... no... I don't think so."

"What do you mean, you don't think so?!" He screeches.

"Ohmygosh,we'regoingtojailI'mnotbuiltforthatimgonnadie-"

"Armin, chill." Mikasa grits, before twisting the cap of the bottle and giving it a good shake. "She'll be fine, we're not going to jail. All that'll change is the addition of one more possibility, which is shitting her pants for real."

"I thought we were only joking about that? You mean she'll actually shart herself?" Eren asks.

"Yeah," Mikasa declares with no amount of remorse in her irises, simply tilting her head to face him head on, smirk standing proud on her lips. "Even better than we planned, right? Give the bitch the humiliation she deserves."

After a moment of maintaining arduous eye contact with the ravenette, Eren relents, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling instead and interlocking both hands in his shaggy hair. "You're crazy. Like deadass, you belong in a mental hospital."

"Okay but, wait. The bottle is already open, no one who has a right mind would accept an already opened drink from someone she met yesterday." Armin points out, ever the observer.

"Well, she's gonna have to in order for this plan to work..." Mikasa mumbles, lips pursing in thought. "Oh, Eren! Why don't you be a doll and offer to open it for her, that way she wouldn't even notice it has already been open." She announces with a proud nod, clearly impressed with her solution.

Eren however, isn't as impressed. If anything, the pit in his stomach twists and turns even tighter, bringing forth creases onto the surface of his skin as his face lightly scrunches in disgust. Playing a direct hand in the demise of anyone's athletic career can be catastrophic to the psyche, though he doubts Mikasa's is being affected much if at all.

"Fine."

"Good boy-"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Anyway, we should get going now. Or else, we'd be late. The game starts in 20 minutes, and the walk there is about five, give or take. Though, the introductions take up a good 10 to 15." She ignores the boy.

"Plus, we still need to find seats. Hopefully we won't have to sit on the opposing team's side, or else we'd be royally fucked." Armin adds as they exit the school building.

The pathway that leads them directly towards the stadium is beautiful and cleanly. The school itself is exceptionally cared for, with vibrant green bushes that looked as if they were clipped with the utmost precision. Marbled vases for various other plants and polished benches littered across the lawn oozed a luxurious aura.

"Who are they playing against?" Eren asks.

"I think it's Stohess Prep." Armin answers.

"Oh, that means drama~" Mikasa adds, "10 bucks Levi chokes out Coach Nile?"

"Mm, nah. 20 bucks it's Ymir and Hitch." Armin replies, pointer finger prodding at the fat of his cheek in thought.

"Oh, I forgot about those two. 30 Y/N is forced to step in either way."

"40 bucks she joins."

"50 that they recreate that one Euphoria scene from season 2."

"60 someone yells plus ultra."

"70 bucks Y/N gets hit by a bus and dies."

"..."

"..."

"Okay, you need an exorcist." Armin quips.

"I've been wondering, why do you hate her so much? There's gotta be history you're not telling me." Eren asks the girl.

It was true, he can feel the animosity she seemingly reigns in 24/7 and he wonders if it was at all reciprocated. Though, he has the feeling that it's heavily one sided.

"Mikasa and Y/N-"

"Armin, shut it." The girl grits before her friend could have thought to utter the remainder of his statement.

Eren groans, "Armin, don't shut it. Open it. Open it wide."

"Don't word it like that, Eren..."

"I just don't see the point," Mikasa admits, though her face was telling to how difficult the situation seems to be for her, "What's in the past should be left there, why open up that can of worms?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but it's pretty damn obvious that those worms have been out for a while now. You don't think I've noticed how personal this seems to be for you?" Eren rebuts.

"Oh, and I'm not supposed to notice how personal this is for you? As in, more than just some revenge brought upon by petty high school humiliation?" She challenges, and her piercing gaze bore into Eren's own. "You've made your little crush pretty obvious, the addition of this information might change more than you think it would, Eren."

"Who I have a crush on is none of your business. Besides, yeah, I'll admit I'm not blind, I can tell Y/N is an attractive girl. You can't blame me for admitting so, but a silly little school crush is just a silly little school crush at the end of the day. I don't get how your past with her had anything to do with something as minuscule as that."

Mikasa's arms crossed before her chest in frustration, and she kept her head forward, not relenting at unsealing her lips. Though, Armin, being placed in the middle of both teens, hates being a quiet middleman.

"Y/N and Mikasa are cousins." He blurts.

Eren's jaw drops, "What?!" His fingers thread through his hair once again, this time gripping at the roots because what the actual fuck. "You're fucking with me, right?"

Armin shakes his head vehemently, "Deadass. They even have the same last name! You'd have never guessed, right?"

"Well, not really. Like, at all."

"Trust me, I wish it wasn't true either." Mikasa sighs.

Eren's arms flail before him defensively, "No! It's not that I wish it weren't true, it's just that it's hard to believe considering how you guys are like polar opposites. I mean she's so... y'know-" He awkwardly shrugs his shoulders, expecting the action to speak the words he couldn't find in himself to utter out loud. "And you're... y'know..."

Armin coughs, "Emo."

"I'm not emo! As a matter of fact, I'm not even a goth, contrary to popular belief. I'm just edgy, how hard is it to look up, people?!"

"...what's the difference?"

"Oh, shut up, Armin! That's why your balls haven't dropped!"

"You promised you wouldn't bring that up anymore!"

"Armin, your balls haven't dropped?"

"Oh, look! We're here!"

As Eren looked before them, he was met with the front of an impressive industrialized soccer stadium. The words 'Home of the Scouts' were engraved above the entrance in proud bold letters. He notices that they are currently standing in the middle of the massive parking lot, containing multiple first class busses bearing the titles 'Stohess Stallions'.

Guessing that those belong to the opposing team, and that team was no where to be found, Eren concludes that both teams must be inside already. Which begs the question, how late is this trio?

"You're in the way."

Eren nearly jumps out of his skin at the sudden stern voice, and the freight was not limited to himself. Armin squeaks and hides behind his two friends, using them as human shields, though Mikasa simply whips around with a nasty scowl at her face because, who would have the audacity?

Oh, that's who.

"Hitch." She grits.

Coming face to face with a group of girls clad in forest green shorts and jersey's, though their matching team jackets obscured the latter, was intimidating, to say the least. The one standing with the most pride, right at the front and center, wore a smug smirk on her face that her short and wavy dirty blonde hair framed beautifully.

"Well, well, well, would you look at who we have here." She drawls with a laugh. "This is such an interesting trio you guys have going on."

"Mikasa who is this, and why did she come up to us like an anime villain?" Eren whispers towards the ravenette.

"Just our luck." The girl mutters under her breath, not at all a just answer in Eren's eyes, but he was not about to voice his thoughts.

The stranger eyeballs Eren in a way that a certain Ackerman did just a few hours earlier in the day, though this time it did not have him weak in the knees, instead an eerie shiver ran down the length of his spine and caused him to gulp down a yelp.

"Come lookin' for a barf bag, new kid?" She decides to single him out directly, "You know, it's almost funny. I always have the same reaction you did when I see Ackerman as well! I don't blame you, hell, I'd even praise you if it wasn't so disgustingly embarrassing." She jests. "You are new aren't ya? Man, the balls you must have to pull that stunt on your very first day. Oh, the look on her face was enough to have me in tears, I've got to tell you."

"It wasn't on purpose." He mumbles with an eye roll.

"Oh, be careful Hitch. You'll make him mad and we just had our jerseys dry cleaned." Comes a voice from beside her, one of her teammates presumably. This draws out many more chuckles from the group of girls, causing Eren's cheeks to heat up from the jab at his poor stomach.

That voice, low but smooth, causes both Armin and Mikasa to stiffen, as if they had recognized it.

"No way..." Armin mutters, his eyes widening in surprise as the owner of the voice made herself visible.

Another blonde, though this one a paler tone, with glacial blue eyes and a sloped nose emerged from the group, a large bag slung over her shoulders and purple cleats hanging from her fingers.

She had an aura about her, one familiar to Eren. One that wrapped itself around every throat and forced the people around her to pay her heed.

"You're right, Annie. Coach would bench us if we happened to sully them and he can't afford to bench his star players." Hitch agrees, though her eyes are not on her apparent teammate. Instead, they seemed to be inspecting Armin and Mikasa's faces, clearly amused by their starstruck expressions.

"Kasa, do something..." Armin whispers.

"What do you want me to do, hex her?"

"Mikasa, long time no see." Annie continues. It seems that the two know each other, perhaps they are old friends? What a heartwarming reunion. "How's it feel living in your cousins shadow?"

Or, perhaps not.

Mikasa's eyes darken and she begins to fumble in her bag for a pair of scissors, "I quite like the shadows, it gives me a place to properly plan your downfall. Maybe even your murder."

Hitch gasps and feigns a frightened expression, "Oh shiver me timbers, small emos are so scary."

"I'll show you scary cunt-"

"Hey hey hey! What's going on here?" Connie unexpectedly appears from behind the trio, his arms making their way around their shoulders. "You guys will be late if you keep loitering around."

"You could never be Bokuto." One of the girls murmur.

"Oh, Connie, I'm so glad you're here. Bend down a little will you? I feel like I have something stuck in my teeth." Hitch jests as she rubs a finger across her pearly whites.

"Aha, funny." Connie grits, "Hey, how's Marlowe by the way? I imagine he's better since he left you for, who was it again?" He asks with a false pensive look.

"Her mom." Armin declares with a proud grin.

The girl clenches her jaw and scowls, "Fuck you, Connie. Isn't yours chilling upside down on a roof?"

"Wrong AU, hitch."

"At least my hair doesn't make me look like I call corporate." Connie retorts.

"Yeah, well at least-"

"Hitch, we don't have time for this." Annie interrupts, holding her wrist out and allowing her teammate to glance at her watch... is that a Rolex? "We still need to warmup."

Eren doesn't think he has ever seen Connie's eyes darken as much as they did then, shooting daggers at the blonde on par with the ones Mikasa fires at her cousin. "You finally decide to talk, Annie?" He calls the girl out.

Without even sparing him a glance, she states a monotone, "I have nothing to say to you." And walks away from the group in pursuit for the entrance.

Following her departure, Hitch scowls at the fact that she too should follow. "Whatever, I'll save my energy for your little friends on the field. You better watch your captain, it'd be a shame if she forgets her place and mysteriously finds herself on her knees where she belongs."

"Don't dish out what you can't take." Connie asserts.

The girl simply rolls her eyes, "Let's go." She says and takes her leave, taking her army of followers along with her.

"Saweetie did it better!" Armin yells after her, to which Mikasa agrees and waves her hand daintily at the group.

"Man, you are having the worst of luck today, aren't you, Eren?" Connie says with a guffaw.

Eren groans and holds his head in his hands. "Trust me, I know."

"I'm surprised you held your own, Connie. Considering that was literally Annie... and she's with Stohess." Mikasa says.

The boy sighs, "Yeah, I know. Fortunately, Reiner found out yesterday, so we weren't as blind sided. Though, we still haven't told the team, and that's been a topic of discourse amongst a couple of our friends." He answers, and the pained expression on his face almost forces Eren to feel sorry for him.

Almost.

Shaking his head lightly to disperse his frown, he instead returns his attention towards the brunet once again. "Anyway, don't worry about Hitch. She's always like that. It's petty school rivalry shit that we used to have with Marley till they shut that school down. Now Stohess thinks they need to step up and claim the spot as our rivals." He explains, though Eren laughs at the ridiculousness of his joke.

They're in high school, clearly it wouldn't actually be that serious, right?

Why is Eren the only one laughing?

"No literally, look." Connie says and juts a finger towards the busses they had spotted earlier. Eren hadn't spotted it before, but right under the school name seemed to be the words, 'Trost Academy rivals! Fuck Marley and Fuck Trost!'

"Oh..." Eren utters breathily, "We're too old for this shit."

"Anyway, we should really get going or else we won't find good seats." Armin ushers his friends with his hands.

"Oh!" Connie exclaims with a newfound grin, one that Eren thinks fits him better than his previous frown. "Don't worry about your seats, you can come chill with us. We've already saved some for you guys."

Armin gasps dramatically and his eyes nearly bulge out of his skull. "Y-you mean, your VIP section? We get to sit in VIP?!" He screeches. Even Mikasa seems taken aback, her jaw slack and her brows hiding behind her bangs, though she didn't dare voice it.

"Yup! Though I had no idea it was called that, Sasha is gonna freak when I tell her!" The teen buzzes with anticipation. "I'll lead the way, come on."

As they begin to follow him, Eren leans into Armin's ear to ask, "Why are they called the VIP seats?"

Armin sputters, "Why else, Eren? They're the best seats in the stadium. The plastics are the only ones to ever use the space, but today we're making history."

"We haven't even told you about the rest of their clique." Mikasa adds.

"The rest? There're more than the eight we've talked about?"

"Oh Eren... there are levels to this shit, okay? Not to mention, lore." Armin says whilst his fingers wiggle before Eren's face to build suspense.

"For instance, remember Annie from earlier? The blondie with blue eyes and a tongue as sharp as a dagger?" Mikasa asks.

"Yeah?"

"Well, she might not act like it, but she's a retired plastic."

"What? You mean she attended Trost at one point? Also, you can retire? Why would she retire?"

"She didn't just attend Trost, she was a founding member of the plastics. A true OG. She helped run our halls. In fact, I'd go as far to say that she was once closer to Y/N than Jean has ever been." Armin said.

"Then, what would make her willingly give that up?"

"Something so simple and obvious, yet achingly torturous that you wouldn't help but sympathize with her. Especially someone like you, wearing your heart on your sleeve like that." Mikasa lightly jabs at her friend.

"Just tell me, 'kasa. I'm not as soft hearted as you think I am." Eren grumbles.

"Unrequited love."

Eren's breath catches in his throat at her words, for he couldn't believe what she was implying. "W-what? You're telling me..."

"Yup," Armin decides to finish his sentence, "We're not sure which way it went or how exactly it went down, but...

One of those girls loved the other far deeper than just mere friendship."

Taglist: @idreamitski @str4wberrylover @jesus-son-of-god @hoejosblindfold @caycaysblogg @simpingmyassoff @youatemylollipop @enouche @longestline [comment to be added, dm to be removed!]

A/N: im sorry this took so long, its shorter than the last but twice as long as my first draft 😟

[blue2black]

COD incorrect quotes, but their from TikToks I saw and are now buried somewhere deep in my likes:

PART 1

—————————

*in an Uber*

Soap: And I find out that my parents are like, related.

Gaz: Like, their siblings?

Soap: Yeah like, blood siblings.

Gaz: Is that why you walk weird?

—————————

Soap, walking up to Ghost with a camera: Cheese!

Ghost: What is this? 🤨

Soap: I really think I can’t treat you anymore.

Soap: The fact is…

Soap: I’m in love with you. 😍

Ghost: The fu-?? 😨

—————————

Graves: Come on sweetheart, give us a smile.

Graves: Geez Louise, must be on your period. HA HA HA!

Valeria: …

Valeria: Let me drive a seven ton semi-truck over your torso and I’ll be smiling throughout my entire prison sentence.

—————————

Gaz: Nik is so old fashioned.

Laswell: Oh, really?

Gaz: Nik is so old fashioned that he doesn’t even watch TV.

Gaz: Like, when he wants to kick back and unwind he just goes on long fishing trips with Price.

Gaz: And Nik doesn’t listen to any new music, he just listens to a bunch of metal mixtapes that Price sends him.

Laswell: Wait, John sends Nik metal mixtapes?

Gaz: Nik is so old fashioned that he really struggles showing affection.

Gaz: Like, he rarely hugs me or anyone of that matter.

Gaz: One time I thought I saw him and you holding hands underneath a table from afar, but then I got closer and I saw it was just him and Price.

Laswell: Nik and John were holding hands underneath a table? (.-_.^)

Gaz: Well, yeah, but it really more like a good old fashioned handshake. You know? Like, the prolonged kind where two old school guys don’t let go of each other’s hands while sitting side by side listening to a briefing.

Laswell: Kyle…are Nik and John dating?

Gaz: What? No, Nik isn’t dating Price!

Gaz: Most of the time when Nik and Price hang out, they just get in fist fights with each other.

Laswell: They get in fist fights??

Gaz: Yeah, I can not tell you the number of times I’ve overheard Nik and Price go into an office, lock the door and just fist fight each other.

Gaz: I mean, the halls positively echo with the sound of flesh smacking up against flesh, furniture bumping against the walls…

Gaz: And not for nothing, but I think old fashioned Nik is winning pretty much every one of fights based on how loud I hear Price moaning-

Laswell, getting up: OKAY-

(Gaz knew what was going on, he was just fucking with her like the lil shit he is.)

—————————

Price: I just don’t wanna see you get hurt, okay?

Price: Those people up there can kill you!

Price: I know you think you’re tough, Farah, but you are fucking 5 feet tall!

Farah: I AM 5 FOOT 5! 😡

—————————

Laswell, getting ready to order food: Alright, what do you want?

Soap: Hamburger.

Laswell, parroting: Hamburger.

Soap: Chips.

Laswell: Chips.

Soap: Fart.

Laswell: Fart.

Laswell: 👏🏻 SOAP. 🤬

Soap: HEHEHEHEHE *evil Scottish giggle*

—————————

Valeria, dressed up: Okay, how do I look?

Diego: Like a woman about to go forth in sin.

Valeria: Oh, good. Exactly the look I was hoping for. 😉

—————————

—TEXT—

Scottish Bastard: hey

Scottish Bastard: ghost

Scottish Bastard: HELLOOO

Scottish Bastard: simon?!?!

Scottish Bastard: are you there??

Scottish Bastard: ………

Scottish Bastard: just imagine

Scottish Bastard: you and me

Scottish Bastard: in a room

Scottish Bastard: with nothing on

Scottish Bastard: OILED UP

Scottish Bastard: and ready to mingle

You: What the fuck are you on about?

Scottish Bastard: now that i have your attention

Scottish Bastard: i have an idea >:]

—————————

Soap and Price, waiting for exfil: ….

Soap: …

Soap: Last night I dreamed I was a bottle of ketchup, and you were mustard.

Soap: Which is weird, because usually you’re mayonnaise in my dreams.

Price: 🤨???

Soap: Why do you suppose that is?

—————————

Ghost: When I die…

Ghost: ✨Viking funeral✨

Ghost, handing Gaz a gun: You shoot the shot.

Gaz, cocking the gun: Okay.

Ghost: If you miss, you kill yourself.

Gaz: Wait, what- 😨

—————————

*in an Uber pt 2*

Soap: Well, I’m shocked—of course.

Gaz: This is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

Soap: I mean, that’s dramatic.

Gaz: No, it’s not dramatic! Your parents are-

Soap: That’s dramatic!

Soap: Listen…I was shocked at first.

Gaz: At first??

Gaz: You’re not shocked still??? (ಠ_ಠ)

—————————

(Nik being the cool dad to everybody in 141)

Nik, answering his ringing phone: Hello?

Norris: Hello, sir, I'm the Colonel working for Captain John Price. I have Sergeant MacTavish in my office.

Nik: Okay, what did he do? 🙄

*Norris looks at Soap*

Soap: 😢

Norris: *sighs* He punched another solider in the genitals.

Norris: Three times.

Nik: OH MY GOD, DID YOU JUST SAY GENITALS? HAHAHA-

Norris, listening to Nik laughing his ass off through the phone: THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY-

Norris: *looks at Soap*

Soap: *smiling proudly*

Nik: OH MY GOD, he is so funny! 😆

—————————

Ghost: Don't touch me, Soap!

Laswell: Can you guys like, stop having relationship issues while I'm trying to hack into their security?

[witchthewriter]

Spoilers for S2 Ep2 of House of the Dragon:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHFUCKHAHAHAHHAAH.

Okay sorry, um I have a few things to rant about. If anyone feels like they want to add their two cents - I'm completely okay with that!

Firstly, I need to say ... the argument between Daemon & Rhaenyra felt a lil Shakespearean. The actors were ACTING !!! BUT Daemon just UP and LEAVING... sir you are a husband and a father. I know it's in his blood. It's his personality. But I hate when mum and dad fight :(

Secondly, ALICENT! STOP TRYING TO RID YOURSELF OF YOUR GUILT! YOUR CHILDREN ARE GRIEVING! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT HOW YOU SHAG CRISTON COLE! Seriously, yes she should feel guilty because there WERE NO GUARDS when Blood & Cheese happened. Criston should have been on guard - that is his job.

But to put yourself first; your feelings first... pushing your children's grief aside and not even comforting them in any way... geez louise. She really is a terrible mother.

Imagine if Rhaenyra was in Alicent's place - her children are grown, they have married and her grandson was assassinated... She would be holding her loved ones so close - like physically. Just holding them, letting them weep.

She would NEVER just walk away from her crying son.

Rhaenyra has grown into a mature adult. But Alicent and Criston are still clasping at whatever they can to hold onto Rhaenyra. And for what? To give reason for their behaviour - and so they can keep on doing it? Being hypocrites? Making horrid allegations against her. Gods! These scenes between Alicent and Cole are too much. They don't need so many!

And Mysaria! Rhaenyra giving her freedom and what does she do with it??? SAVE HER QUEEN. OH MY GOD. I knew somehow she would tell of Arryk coming in one way or another. She deserves a medal.

Also WHERE ARE THE DRAGONS?! WHERE ARE THEY?! I want to see them :(

[atopfourthwall]

Geez Louise that was an aggressive response. I wasn't advising you on how to make everyone stop teasing you, mid level youtubers will always have jerks. I was talking about a proven method to deal with it in a healthy way- judging from your response alone I felt you needed. Think of its this way: you made that comic 17 years ago. Do you really want to be still getting SO angry and snapping at people in another 17? If not at LB but whatever else they'll come up with? But up to you, best of luck.

You're absolutely right it's an aggressive response. Maybe it was an unwarranted one... but your message was frankly unserious and unoriginal. Because your "proven method" is horseshit. "If you let people bully you, they'll stop bullying you." That's what you're recommending - be good natured about people insulting me. It is in fact not healthy to sit there and bear it and pretend I'm okay with it. I was quiet about it for a year or two before I finally started pushing back on it. I was miserable and it was affecting my mental health. They kept doing it - some because they honestly did not realize it upset me (and again, that's who the thread is for and I repeat - speaking out about is what got people to stop). But the other ones? "Do you really want to be still getting SO angry and snapping at people in another 17? If not at LB but whatever else they'll come up with?" Here is what you need to understand and I don't think you do: THESE PEOPLE DON'T FUCKING LIKE ME. They don't like my face. They don't like my voice. They don't like my show. They don't like my sense of humor. They don't like my hat. They don't like that I'm liberal. They don't like that I support LGBT+ people. They don't like that I analyze Power Rangers. They don't like me when I'm happy. They don't like me when I shout. They don't like me when I'm successful. They don't like that I was part of Channel Awesome. They don't like that I'm NOT part of Channel Awesome. They don't like my friends. They don't like me streaming. They don't like me criticizing truly awful people. They don't like when I don't dance to their little nickname. They. Don't. Like. Me. I am a joke to them - a clown, a living meme that they can throw my name out and it's an automatic laugh. I am not a person to them with thoughts and feelings and something that can be hurt. I am only real to them because they think I'm pathetic and they want to bully someone that they think is more pathetic than them. They do not and never will respect me. They see me as the guy who invented Lightbringer 17 years ago. That's it. That is all I will ever be to them... if I'm lucky, because these are the same kind of people who will try to find ANY weakness, anything that's slightly embarrassing I've said or done as a weapon... or just make up complete bullshit to attack me and make that into more memes against me, too. And the fact that you just refer to it as "teasing" me shows everything I need to know, frankly. Because that's all that it is to you - not something that was hurting me. Not something that was affecting my mental health. Not something that I respectfully ask people to stop doing because it makes me uncomfortable. Hell, your original message said I was "constantly" doing it. Two threads a couple years apart with a smattering of me asking one-on-one "Hey, can you not do this? It's actually intended as an insult." The assholes doing it to be assholes just get a block, because why the fuck would I try to engage with them? So yeah, if I'm aggressive in my response, I'm sorry, but your way is NOT healthy. Maybe my way isn't the right way for everyone, sometimes it CAN make things worse... but that's not the case for me and I get tired of bad advice from people who think they understand what's going on.

[cattimeswithjellie]

Stream Recap, GoodTimesWithScar, 6/26/24

((Geez louise, ten thousand words on this bad boy, it took literally a full day and evening. Worth it though, because this one is jam packed! So many meetings with friends, so many wild mob encounters, so much death! I ended up needing to do detailed recap on all but the last half hour, which was Disney talk that can be watched on the VOD for anyone who would like to.))

9:15 Scar starts his stream in studio view, imploring his audio to “please work” after the madness of last stream. Audio is fine today. Scar is relieved. He greets Chat and shows off the ConCorp shirt he found in his closet. Today’s plan is to hunt mobs and look at spoilers. Scar didn’t finish the video he was hoping to, but he’s going to show off what he’s done, and he’s going to get a Magic Hands Man for the villain car! He thanks subs and donos. Chat asks how he’s doing, he is okay and they’re all going to have some fun today! There are a lot of subs and donos coming in today.

12:30 Some voice donos come in wishing Scar luck on the surgery and commenting on how funny the echo stream was. ((In Scar’s 6/23 stream an audio issue that ran almost 40 minutes caused endless audio looping and much hilarity and distress for Scar.)) Scar laughs and admits he thought about cutting that portion out of the VOD but decided to leave it in because it was funny. Chat agrees that was a great decision. Scar says that the VOD channel has been doing really well for hits lately, people must like it! A lot of chatters use Scar as comfortable background atmosphere and he is very cool with that.

16:03 Chat notices that the broken headset is still conspicuously unburied and unsent to a nice farm. Scar shows off the brand new duct tape job he has done, conveniently ignoring his promise last stream to get new headphones. The headphone is visibly sliding down the side of Scar’s head. Scar switches to game view, where he is standing on top of Ore Mountain with an amazing view of the Magic Mountain dig site. He tells chat that someone is trying to frame him as the Ore Snatcher! Not for the first time, either! This is especially egregious considering that Scar is the chief investigator. Scar shows Chat the landscaping he has been working on, an artificial extension to the river with an engineered shoreline, then tells them to ignore it because it is not finished yet.

18:00 Scar shows chat his rocket shulker, which he left in front of the train last night. Sometime last night between the time Scar signed off around 11:30pm and the time he came back, the Ore Snatcher struck! Scar opens the shulker and reveals five deepslate diamond ore blocks, each one named “Doc’s Diamond Ore.” Scar thought there were only four ore missing, but Chat corrects him to six. Scar is a bit embarrassed to realize the chief investigator did not know that. He makes a notation in the Scroll of Scrolls. He also notes that whoever the Ore Snatcher is, they probably smell bad.

19:40 A voice dono message comes through and Scar misses it. He admits to Chat that while he wants to hang onto his headphones as long as possible, the left side doesn’t actually, you know, _work_ anymore, and that makes some things very hard to hear. A chatter sends Scar a tip to watch the clip in his Discord channel. Joe and Cub are super sus. Scar agrees that all this finger-pointing is indeed super-sus. His lead mod signs on and Scar opens the rocket box again to show off the framing evidence. It is sus to name the diamond ore as well, very sus.

21:25 Scar is briefly distracted quizzing chat on the name of his rocket box, which is “272,300 – RP-1.” Chat is mostly baffled, guesses maybe coordinates, but one clever chatter correctly guesses that it is the amount of RP1 rocket fuel needed for the Falcon 9. Chat is impressed by the deep dive, if nothing else. He shows off his other box, which is “810,700 – RP-1,” which is the amount needed for the Saturn rocket. Chat agrees that Scar is a nerd.

22:35 Time for work! Scar tries to remember what work he wanted to do today. He remembers, magic hands man acquisition! He explains that there is an empty village behind Bdubs’ base with a single nitwit safely buried underground. This is just enough village to trigger a raid. But once a raid is triggered and the evoker is acquired, how to get it back? Scar’s theory is that if he puts a magic hands man in the back of his boat and rows real fast, maybe it won’t be able to kill him. Chat agrees that rowing fast might be the only answer. Scar shows how the waterway goes all the way from the village to the train, so it would be perfect if he could avoid death. A ravager could also go in a boat, so he has the same question there. Chat doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but they really want to watch Scar try.

25:00 Scar says that he and Tango have fixed Minecraft. It is not right, he claims, that one cannot ride a ravager. The solution is to make rotten flesh useful by feeding it to ravagers in exchange for temporary riding privileges. Chat says sorry, Minecraft does not allow fun. Scar sighs agreement for that one. He promises once again that he will get lava for Frank, the sad cold strider. He shows off the Vindicator he has already secured in a boat, then gets ready for his adventure. He brings a lot of totems, mentioning that Hermitcraft operates by the laws of the high seas, which means that if somebody builds a farm in the ocean, it is okay to steal from it. Which he did. A voice chat about Genie+ puts Scar into Disney rant mode, but a second voice chat telling him that it’s Stitch Day distracts him and a third about Star Wars gets him ranting in a whole new direction. He shoots the bannerman he’s been keeping boated up and heads for the village.

30:30 Scar has decided to consider Star Wars TV shows as the McDonalds food of the franchise, good enough but not really filling or as good as you thought about it in your head. He’s also unhappy about how much more they are spending on The Acolyte than on House of Dragon for less result. Scar is loving House of Dragons though. He arrives at the village, starting an immediate raid, and begins wiping out pillagers. The problem with this particular village is that there are a lot of places for pillagers to hide. He finds two of the first wave hiding inside a building, and then can’t find the second wave at all. As he searches, he talks about Disney’s propensity for unnecessary sequels.

37:30 The raid is really lost. Chat tells Scar he should’ve brought the bell he stole from Doc on Day One. Scar thinks they might be right, because he clearly needs some help. A chatter makes a large donation and wishes Scar “Happy Stitch Day!” Scar is flustered, touched, grateful and slightly enraged. The raid is still nowhere to be seen, so Scar enables freecam mode and goes exploring. He doesn’t find the raid, but he dips down into the massive and impressive empty space left by Doc’s tunnel bore. Scar is impressed and makes a note to come down and grab some amethysts.

40:00 Scar consults the chat for help. They suggest up on the mountain and ringing the bell. Scar doesn’t have the bell, but he keeps looking. No luck. He needs help! Chat really thinks he should go get the bell (and turn on hitboxes.) Scar eventually goes to get the bell off Magic Mountain. He talks to Chat about his surgery, explaining that it is a less intense surgery than some he’s had before, mostly correcting stuff that was done wrong with his feeding tube back in 2021 and 2022. Hopefully he will not have to go under full anesthetic, which will substantially reduce recovery time but may provide less info to the doctors. In any case, the surgery is tomorrow and hopefully he can go home right afterwards. If things don’t go right and he ends up on a ventilator, that means an ICU trip and a few days of weaning. Right now everything is geared towards avoiding the ventilator option.

44:40 Even with the bell, the raid is not revealing itself. A chatter asks what happened with the first surgery. Scar is just beginning to explain the previous J-tube surgery ((A J-Tube is a type of feeding tube that is implanted directly into the intestine, as opposed to a G-tube which goes into the stomach.)) when someone shoots a flaming arrow at him! It’s Impulse! Scar tells him he needs to work on his VelociTE skills, Impulse claims he didn’t actually want to kill Scar when he was already having raid troubles.

45:10 Scar asks Impulse if he’s seen the clip of Scar’s echoing call for his help. Impulse has indeed seen that clip and enjoyed it very much. He asks if Scar got it fixed and Scar says sort of, but there is some kind of underlying microphone issue as well. Impulse makes some audio recommendations, but Scar’s audio setup is a disaster mess and his new Roadcaster is not fully set up yet, plus his headphones are they way they are. Impulse casually flexes the fact that he has the bigger version of the Roadcaster that Scar has and it shouldn’t be too difficult to set up and troubleshoot together in a couple of hours. Scar asks if Impulse is a big expert on raids; Impulse has faced a few. They start looking for the raiders together.

48:00 Scar and Impulse work through their guilt about using “cheatycam,” deciding their need is dire because they just can’t find this raid. Scar finds a cat and mentions that Tango keeps murdering the cats that spawn in his steam tunnels. Chat is not happy with this news. Scar suggests Tango should start a cat army. Impulse says Tango could be the next server cat lady. They resort to freecam, Scar is very confused by Impulse’s soundbyte of voice-altered Tango saying “That’s cheating!” They both start camming around. Impulse points out that there is something to be said for the patented Grian method of just ignoring the raid, but Scar says he actually needs his magic hands man. Impulse explores this premise further, Scar is actually going to catch and move an evoker? On a livestream? In front of people? Scar finds his skepticism unflattering. Impulse asks if Scar would like to tackle a redstone project live on stream next. Excited, Scar asks if Impulse wants to see his redstone. Impulse hastily demurs and runs away. Lots of raiders to catch, after all!

51:00 Outraged, Scar insists that they go and look at the redstone RIGHT NOW. He thinks Impulse doesn’t believe that he has completed a real live redstone project and there’s only one way to fix it. Scar begins flying back toward the Shopping District. Impulse does not follow. Scar demands his attendance via game chat. He does not specify who should comes to Poe Poe HQ, so Cleo says “Okay.” Impulse, in a stroke of wonderful luck for him, has found the raid. Scar flies back to join him. Chat feels a little bad about leaving Cleo hanging. Scar has a hard time finding Impulse and the raid both now, but Chat leads him to the right spot. There are no evokers in this phase, but they can at least kill the pillagers and move the raid along.

54:10 With the second wave taken care of, it suddenly occurs to Scar tht it might be nice to have a boat or minecart or something. Impulse is nonplussed, he sort of expected Scar to have this stuff since it’s his project and all. Scar digs the appropriate gear out of his ender chest, then suggests that maybe they should just go see his redstone instead. Impulse agrees, then immediately distracts Scar with the weird behavior of the pillager wave that is just spawning in. They fight the next wave. Impulse thinks it is possible to put a ravager in a boat, but he doesn’t know if it will kill the rower. He thinks it sounds like something fun to do the science on. If he wants a ravager and an evoker, though, multiple raids might be required. Impulse agrees with Scar that players should be able to ride ravagers.

57:00 Another pillager wave, still no magic hands man. Scar shoots several pillagers and also Impulse by accident. They complete the wave and another one spawns, this one with the coveted evoker! Fresh Animations make pillagers look very fast! The evoker falls in the water, but Scar is pretty sure pillagers can swim. They can, though how they swim with their arms in villager pose is a mystery. Scar tells Impulse some stories of swim team practices that make the dad in Impulse very alarmed. They decide that Impulse will kill the ravager and Scar will get the evoker. The magic hands man releases the vexes, but Scar knew that would happen. He wore his ConCorp shirt today and everything! Scar flees from the vexes and accidentally drops the boat, but manages to put a totem into his hand and fly off before dying.

1:00:40 Scar returns to earth to find that Impulse has not killed the ravager quite as much as would be desirable, and in fact the ravager has made it all the way to the evoker pond and is killing Impulse. Scar is faced with an angry ravager sitting in the middle of a pile of Impulse bits, some of which have fallen into the water with the evoker. It is not great. Scar has also replaced his offhand totem with a bit of rail somehow. He shoots the vex in the boat and dives in the water to retrieve Impulse’s stuff, and is almost immediately killed. Chat, who has been yelling about the totem for quite awhile now, saw this coming. Scar is upset that he and Impulse are going to mix bits now. Chat has feelings about that phrasing.

1:02:10 Scar jumps back in the water. He is still trying to keep the evoker alive, which makes things more dangerous. He actually does a pretty good job of collecting bits under fire until he sees the evoker treading water. He gets way too caught up in a bit about what a good swimmer the evoker is and begins to drown himself. Catching himself, he gets his first load of items into a barrel on shore, but many important things are still missing, including Scar’s sword. Impulse was apparently carrying 52 ender chests. Scar dies to vexes in the water again.

1:04:00 Scar jumps back in the water. He pops a totem and dies again. Impulse who apparently had not set his spawn, finally makes it back. Scar dies again. Vex can fly underwater. This is really bad news. Impulse and Scar meet up and trade bits. Tango, alerted by Scar’s death loop, arrives to mock them but also to help. Scar and Impulse catch him up on their totally normal and not-dangerous situation. Scar shares his theory that if he can row a boat fast enough with Magic Hands Man in it, he can avoid the vexes and be safe. Tango does not think this will work but he would very much like to see Scar try it. Scar begins sketching out a plan to get the evoker out of the water and onto the thin strip of land separating the pond from the river. Tango digs out a canal to connect the two bodies of water. Scar is sad he did not think of that.

1:08:20 Scar goes into one of the village huts to sulk for a moment and discovers an indoor hot tub. Impulse discovers an outdoor vindicator and dies of it. Tango and Scar watch contemplatively as Impulse runs around, shrieking, pursued by a vindicator and then by another evoker he has found. He asks if they are going to help at any point, but they are busy being entertained by the cartoon antics. Scar encourages Impulse to get back in there for another round. Tango suggests that maybe Scar could at least put the evoker in a boat since it is literally on the edge of the water. Scar, who has his chin on his fist and is looking very much like a guy who is not intending to do anything right now, says the evoker looks too intimidating with his magic hands right now. Impulse dies again. Chat is having an _excellent_ time.

1:09:30 Tango and Scar are having an excellent time and agree this is much better than the original plan. Impulse dies again and suggests that maybe SOMEONE who has an actual WEAPON could HELP A LITTLE. Scar cheers Impulse on. In chat, Cub cheers Impulse on as well. Scar asks what Magic Hands Man’s actual name is. Tango tells him it is the evoker. While Scar is thinking about that, the actual evoker comes up and sics a bunch of vexes on them. Scar and Tango scatter.

1:10:20 Scar puts the evoker in the boat and jumps into it himself, then begins rowing for his absolute life while yelling to the others that he got him! Tango yells for him to go, go go! Scar switches between first person and F5 as he paddles as fast as he can. He almost gets hung up on a piling but squeaks through before getting vexed to death. The evoker is constantly casting behind him and making a sort of rocket-propelled visual effect behind the boat. Impulse and Tango fly alongside, cheering him on. They are all excited that this is working, but Tango wants to know what the exit strategy is here. Scar admits that’s a little more freeform and may involve some painful rail-line building. Chat is super excited to be a part of this amazing science.

1:13:20 Scar successfully parks the boat outside his train and ejects without dying. He did it! Now the Evoker just needs a nametag. It also needs to stop attacking them with vexes and stone teeth. Scar explains the plan to have Magic Hands Man in the villain car. Tango, who spent all of last season killing himself and his friends with hostile mobs, thinks this is a great idea. Scar rustles up a nametag and an anvil from his ender chest, but needs Tango to make the “Magic Hands Man” tag. Scar pops it onto the evoker and the deal is sealed! Tango asks if Scar plans to build the rail up into the car and everything today. Scar admits he couldn’t get his video done anyway, so he has nothing but time today.

1:16:10 Scar pulls out his Roller Coaster Tycoon shulker for rails and carts, then asks Tango and Impulse if they ever played RCT. Neither of them did. He asks them incredulously if they ever even had fun. They agree that no, there was no fun back then. Impulse says he had the best toy as a child, it was an empty can of soda and they kicked it down the street for fun. Scar asks if Impulse grew up in the fifties. They all do their best old crotchety grandfather impressions.

1:17:40 Impulse has to go, but he’s going to raid into Scar. Scar is disappointed that Impulse doesn’t want to see his redstone. Impulse promises he will see it another day. Before Impulse goes, Scar wants to ask one more question. He murders the name “Rotterdam” about ten times while telling Impulse that the TwitchCon there is doing BuildMart IRL. It sounds amazing! Impulse didn’t think Build Mart IRL means people will be getting out of their seats and doing stuff, but Scar is pretty convinced. (While this conversation is going on, Scar is talking to Doc, who has just signed on, in chat. He tells Doc to come to his base.) Impulse is mostly jealous because the MCC Live there has Ace Race and Railroad Rush, all the good games. “But do they have kick the can?” Tango asks. They decide that’s the next big MCC game, definitely, and Tango and Impulse will win every game. Scar says he would be so good at IRL Build Mart because he would grant his team a natural shopping cart advantage. He could also roll over people’s feet and knock them out of the game. He namedrops Tubbo as the first MCCer to be foot-rolled. He wants to go to TwitchCon very much.

1:21:00 Doc arrives and Scar has other things to do! He hurries off while Tango and Impulse head out. Scar shows Doc the diamond ore and explains the whole frame-up. Including the block that the Ore Snatcher left on top of the armor trim shop, this means all the ore is accounted for. Doc talks about what happened during Scar’s last stream while Scar makes notes on the Scroll of Scrolls. Doc believes that Scar is innocent, but wants to know if Scar is eating chips or something. That would be new for Scar. Scar explains the scroll, then tells Doc he thinks that whoever is framing him may not actually be the Ore Snatcher. There could be multiple actors at this point. Impulse raids into the stream. Doc and Scar agrees that this is a bad framing attempt, nobody would believe this.

1:24:40 While Scar is airing his investigation-related grievances, he demands to know how he is supposed to investigate with a warden in the shop! Doc tells him that is fixed already, the alarm is reset. Chat asserts that it is definitely Cub. Scar wants to know if Doc wants to see his redstone, but Doc is on a roll. Doc believes that the Ore Snatcher is done and won’t act again, and if there are no more attacks and no one confesses, the mystery could haunt him for the rest of his life. Doc and Scar decide to go to the trim shop and look at the signs again. As he flies, Scar points out to chat that three people have now refused to look at his redstone. Chat suggests asking Pearl or Bdubs. Chat also mentions that Doc saw Scar’s redstone on his most recent stream and was not exactly a fan. Scar tells Chat that he’s crossed Mumbo and Zed off the suspect list, but if Mumbo did it, it would be really, really funny.

1:27:00 Scar lands at the trim shop, only to find the alarm in full swing and very loud. He lands next to a new shop that is a dragon head and a creeper head and tries to see what’s going on. Doc says someone triggered the alarm again. He thinks for a moment that the warden is not free, but then everything goes dark. The warden is definitely free. Scar raises his concerns about breaking a wallet setting off the alarm and Doc points out that the shop isn’t even open yet. Nobody should be using their wallets there! He goes in to fix the alarm system and Scar takes off with a very pointed message about going to see his redstone that nobody will look at. Scar flies to his countdown clock and flips the switch. The pistons make a lot of noise and absolutely nothing happens. Scar waxes enthusiastic about how awesome his redstone is for a couple of minutes. Chat is confused. Scar thinks for a minute about possible Ore Snatcher culprits. Chat has lots of ideas, but there is still no proof for anything. Scar plays his suspicions close to his chest, but he doesn’t think it’s Grian.

1:31:00 Scar goes back to the shop, even as he tells chat that he really does need a new headset. He said the same thing last stream, but now he has really come to terms with it. Back at the trim shop he sees the sixth ore block and its mocking sign. He and Doc talk more about possible culprits with no evidence or proof. Scar does believe that the ore from his rocket box came from Ore Mountain and somebody just named it. He asks Doc when the shop will be opening, because he actually would like to buy some trims. Doc explodes that the shop would’ve been open two weeks ago if people weren’t TORMENTING him! All this alarm and warden stuff is not good for shop opening. Doc monologues a little bit about his many troubles.

1:34:00 Cleo arrives, greets Doc cheerfully and asks how his broken shop is. Doc asks if Cleo triggered the alarm. Cleo says no, but they could, would Doc like them to right now? Doc says that the alarm is disabled right now; Cleo is disappointed. Ren arrives as well, Doc demands to know what all these Hermits want with him. Cleo confirms that Doc has no safeguards on his shop at all right now. Doc insists that he is going to turn the alarms on before he leaves. Scar feels a little bad for how put-upon Doc is, but it’s also very funny. Cleo critiques Doc’s armor stand work, Ren and Scar critique the fashion choices in his shop. Red and diamond just clashes too badly. Scar compliments Ren’s taxi pants, sort of. Cleo accidentally triggers the machine, which produces a trimmed hat on an armor stand. Cleo is momentarily alarmed, but Doc takes it as an opportunity to show off his machine. The Hermits are impressed! Scar asks if he can give Doc’s machine a bang. Everyone ignores him.

1:36:40 Doc produces an entire example set of armor with the machine. Everyone thinks it is very cool. Doc makes Ren just want to give up and uninstall Minecraft because he can never measure up. Scar compliments Ren’s pants again, and his cool skin, and belatedly his base. He had a great time talking about Star Wars for two hours on stream in Ren’s cockpit! Cleo asks bemusedly whether Ren and Scar ever do anything on their streams. Doc gives up on the conversation and goes to set the alarm as Scar relates an extremely confusing version of his boat-evoker adventures to Ren and Cleo. Ren is temporarily convinced that Scar won a boat race with a vindicator.They eventually figure out what he is talking about and are moderately impressed by his magic-hands-man-wrangling.

1:40:10 Doc comes back and asks everyone to leave the shop, reminding them that it is not open yet. Cleo protests because she really wants to place and break a block to set off the alarm. Scar, who is not paying even a little bit of attention to Doc, fishes around in his ender chest and finds some food to replace what he lost in the evoker chase earlier. He places down his lunchbox and gets some food out of it, then collects it back up. The alarm goes off. Doc moans in agony while Cleo howls with laughter. Scar protests that he just needed some food! Ren suggests that it might be a good idea to get rid of the ender chest in the shop while the alarm is armed. Doc resets the alarm again while the others criticize his alarm system as very bad for business. Doc tells them that the alarm system shouldn’t have to run during opening hours! Scar wonders if there are specific times the shop is open. Ren suggests only when Doc is streaming, Cleo suggests only when the alarm is triggered. Doc chases them out of the shop.

1:42:10 Scar asks again if the shop will ever open. Doc tells him he can’t open the shop because _certain people_ are suing him and he needs to prepare for his lawsuit. Cleo protests that this is not true, they were talking to Joe earlier and he mentioned they’ve done no preparation thus far. Court is tomorrow and apparently Joe and Doc have not talked to one another at all. Doc protests that he tried to talk to Joe yesterday but Joe was drunk because his partner was doing the citizenship test and he was nervous about it. Chat loves this information. Cleo starts laughing and announces that yeah, she ((Joe’s fiancee, BadgerSpanner)) passed and will be in the US in three weeks. Doc says that’s great, but that being too drunk to talk with a client is behavior unbecoming of a lawyer. His only strategy now is to plead the fifth and then let Joe ramble and run Powerpoint presentations until everyone is bored to death and presumably surrenders. Doc turns his attention to Ren and insists that Ren is also at fault because he was summoned via Discord as a witness and didn’t respond. Cleo protests that they did discuss this and Ren doesn’t need to appear if he doesn’t want to.

1:43:40 Ren says he didn’t get a summons, but he was actually hoping to be a witness. Doc says he can be, so long as he speaks in Doc’s favor. Cleo points out that Ren’s testimony is irrelevant to Doc’s stated strategy. Doc counters that because he and Ren are husband and wife, he’s going to use the fact that Ren can’t testify against him. Cleo refuses to believe they are husbands (Chat is a little hung up on the “and wife” part) because there is no documentation signed by Judge Bdubs available. Scar is completely lost and has no idea what is happening. Someone is drunk, someone is becoming a citizen and someone is married, but he can’t figure out who. Ren wants to know if, as Doc’s husband, he can score a front row seat in the courtroom with the lawyers. Cleo and Doc don’t think it works that way, but Scar shakes off his confusion to insist that as the Poe Poe, he can get Ren a prime seat for only ten diamonds.

1:44:40 Doc sighs over how corrupt the judicial system around here has become while Cleo points out that Scar isn’t even going to be there tomorrow. Scar admits he does have an important prior engagement. Doc rants that Hermit society is in a downward spiral, where respectable merchants need to install burglar alarms. Scar turns to look at his own shop, which is of course a massive patch of ground being exploded by a giant smiley face at the moment, and agrees that this is a bad neighborhood. Cleo points out that it’s not all merchants who need burglar alarms, only Doc. Doc points out that maybe when the Ore Snatcher is done snatching ores, he might just start snatching cats from certain cafes. Cleo says that’s fine, and Scar asks Doc if he’s admitting to being the Ore Snatcher. Ren says that the Beacon shop is on the good side of town, where all the Starbucks are.

1:45:20 Scar remembers that there was another suspect that he wanted to discuss with Doc. Doc immediately suggests False, just because she’s flying under everyone’s radar right now. Doc knows what they’ve been discussing; he’s seen transcripts of their whole stream. ((Doc asked on Twitter for a detailed analysis of Cleo’s 6/23 stream, which was helpfully provided by the recapper.)) Cleo has seen those too and thinks it’s weird. ((The recapper resists the urge to hide under the bed forever.)) Scar and Ren tell Doc that they think the culprit is Karin, Doc’s partner. Doc is not receptive to this line of conjecture, but does admit that it is not quite as stupid as the theory that Doc has a split personality and is doing it himself. Cleo says she does not believe it’s a split personality, but that Doc might well steal from himself just to cause drama. Doc is appalled at the very idea that he would do ANYTHING to cause drama. Of course, when 1.21 rolls around it’s going to be a different story, he promises. There will be Hermitcraft meetings with Doc’s behavior as a talking point again, he guarantees it.

1:46:40 Doc and Cleo argue about loopholes and whether or not they work on Hermitcraft. Cleo points out that you cannot have loopholes in a system with no written laws. Scar proudly holds up the Scroll of Scrolls and declares that he does, in fact, has a copy of all written laws plus the progress of the investigation! Cleo and Ren are both interested in hearing this. Scar shakes the scroll a few times and then admits he forgot what they were talking about. Doc makes everyone turn around so he can get into the alarm system again. Nobody turns around. Ren tries to protest that he is Doc’s husband and the most loyal of Hermits. Scar suggests that Ren has spent a lot of time these past few streams talking about how loyal he is. Doc still thinks the culprit is Cub. Cleo says of course the culprit is Cub. Ren says maybe Grian, and Cleo shuts everyone down. They are not spending another stream doing the pointless speculation thing, everyone knows it is Cub and they are all just going to pretend they’ve forgotten.

1:49:40 The sky darkens and Ren pulls out a bed to sleep. Scar claims to have blanked again and not know what they’re talking about, but seems to be using that as an excuse to break the bed under Ren. This of course triggers the alarm again. Cleo and Scar laugh, Ren apologizes, and Doc threatens the life of unspecified parties. Chat loves it. Ren says he has to sleep, and Scar protests it’s just instinct to break a bed. Doc resets the alarm again. Ren promises the never sleep on the stairs again. Doc gets tagged by the Warden. Scar suggests maybe just putting the warden away for awhile. Ren is worried about all the stress his husband is under. Cleo asks if Ren’s considered the possibility of dementia, given that Doc is the oldest hermit. Ren allows that this is true. Doc scolds them all for picking on the elderly (and also Cleo is old too!) Cleo says yes, but not as old as Doc! Doc points out that they all know Scar is 48, which draws immediate, vociferous protest from Scar. ((A ‘famous birthdays’ website once asked Scar to provide his birthdate and when he declined, they just made something up. Scar has been fighting the rumors ever since. The Hermits like to exaggerate even that, since the website claimed that Scar was born in 1982.)) His headphone falls off again.

1:51:50 Cleo asks Scar if he’s really going to tolerate that sort of insult from Doc. They think Scar should go ahead and accuse Doc of ore-snatching right now. Scar thinks about that for a moment and then breaks a sand block. The alarm goes off again. “Don’t call me 48!” he insists over the noise. “Jesus Christ,” Doc mutters and goes to fix the alarm again. He only came online because he wanted to measure the targeting on the new TNT cannon he is designing. Everyone thinks that sounds like fun. Scar and Cleo ask if they can see Doc’s redstone. Scar breaks another block and sets off the alarm for a fourth time just as Doc resurfaces, then says they really probably ought to leave Doc alone. Cleo protests that that’s no fun. Ren wants Doc to know he had nothing to do with any of this. Cleo places a block of polished diorite, then protests that they haven’t done anything since they haven’t actually broken it yet. Scar sees the possibility inherent in this and begs Cleo to put a hat on the goat statue. Preferably a propeller beacon.

1:54:00 Scar asks if everyone has heard the good news of the upcoming popup shop ban, enforced by the will of the Poe Poe and their clock. Cleo has heard of it and compliments Scar on his excellent redstone. Doc points out that his redstone doesn’t actually do anything. Scar tells Doc kindly that it’s ultra-redstone and he wouldn’t understand. Cleo agrees that Scar is operating on a whole other level. Scar tells Doc that he and his Shadow Collective ((a seldom-used channel on Scar’s Discord where he goes for redstone help)) operate in a whole different realm. The Shadow Realm. Doc heaves an incredibly audible sigh. He spent a long time doing incredibly repetitive tasks today and just came on to dig a little hole, but now he is here and it has been an hour and none of them have learned anything but he’s starting to wonder if the Ore Snatcher is just going to troll him by setting off the alarm and leaving. Cleo agrees this is an excellent and easy way to troll.

1:56:00 Ren finds the diamond ore block on top of the shop. Doc has already seen it, but Ren insists that the omission of capital letters is some kind of clue. Doc thinks that the use of glow ink is important. Ren thinks it was Joel. Doc agrees that Joel has a motive, because he got roped into a sand revenge he had no part in earning. Joel believes sand duping is fine, so he should’ve been excluded from revenge, ergo: motive! Cleo wants to make it very clear that Doc is never going to get sand duping. “We’ll see about that,” Doc replies. They relitigate the sand duping issue for a minute, but finally Doc concludes that the culprit is Joel or Cub. “It’s CUB,” Cleo reminds everyone again. Scar insists that he is the investigator and he’ll be doing the finger-pointing here. He did see Cub once pull out an entire box of signs that he uses to place funny signs around for people. The conversation winds around for several more minutes until somehow Doc is arguing that it was Cub and Cleo is arguing that it wasn’t necessarily Cub. It’s starting to get dark again. Cub sleeps through the night.

2:02:30 Despite their best intentions, the Hermits keep speculating about the identity of the Ore Snatcher. Cleo puts forth the idea that it’s a Mission Possible task set by Iskall, and that multiple people are involved. Investigator Scar likes this idea and wants to hear more. Chat is unconvinced by the theory. Cleo thinks there’s a Mission Possible task that is “Take a diamond block from Doc’s redstone, but do it offscreen and secretly” and that several people have gotten it by now. There may also be a task to put diamond blocks back in Doc’s redstone. ((Skizz actually did replace diamond ore as part of an MP task, but the task was “Do a good deed for another Hermit and don’t take credit.)) Doc points out that the Mission Possible tasks tend to be generally wholesome and not all-out griefing, while Ren points out that the purpose of Mission Possible is to generate content, which cannot be done with a mission that must be offscreen and secret. Scar points out that they’ve literally spent several streams doing almost nothing but talking about this, so content accomplished? Chat is pretty sure Iskall has said that no Mission Possible tasks are specifically targeted.

2:03:50 Doc says it’s time for everyone to leave and do the things they need to do. Cleo hasn’t got anything to do, that’s why she’s here. Ren is just waiting for Skizz to get online so he can be deposed ahead of tomorrow’s court case. Scar points out that Skizz’s new skin looks like the Quaker Oats man. Cleo says it’s supposed to be a barrister’s outfit, that barristers and solicitors are British lawyers and they wear little white wigs. Scar asks what the difference is, but Cleo is not sure. Everyone has their own theory on the matter. ((Barristers practice trial law and make court appearances, solicitors handle legal affairs and paperwork matters. Only barristers get to wear white wigs.))

2:05:30 Scar sees a pillager scouting party and considers starting another raid at the sacrificial village. Doc goes to find somewhere to blow up. Scar shakes his head as Doc leaves, saying that he needs to step up his investigations game before Doc loses his mind. Cleo disputes Doc having a mind to lose. Scar tells Ren and Cleo a less convoluted version of his great success with Magic-Hands-Man-wrangling. Ren is impressed. Scar tells him he can catch it on his VODs channel! They go and investigate Jevin’s new head shop. A chatter asks Scar who wrote the notes of mayoral advice that were supposedly from Jellie in Season 7. Scar says of course it was Jellie.

2:07:30 Jevin’s shop is accessed through the dragon’s mouth, which reminds Scar of Disney. Cleo has never been to Disney. Scar remembers that Cleo’s Disney trip was cancelled due to the pandemic. They are both sad about it. Scar sees barrels on the wall with each Hermit’s name on them. He asks what they’re for. “They’re our heads,” Ren explains. “But they’re empty,” Scar protests. Ren says that the prices in the shop are too low, that Jev is only charging one diamond per cat head, for instance. He would charge much more, who wants to kill cats? Cleo, Scar and Chat are all upset. Scar immediately confiscates the two Jellie heads from the box, on the order of the Poe Poe, and announces that Jev is welcome to sue him but he will NOT be selling Jellie heads from that box. Chat is howling for slime.

2:09:20 Cleo raises the half-hearted defense that she doesn’t think Jev probably thought about the fact that he was killing Jellie cats because, well, Jev. Ren is still preoccupied by how little Jevin is charging for various heads, calling them “Season 6 prices.” Scar insists that they need to bring back Season 6 prices. He has only three diamonds. Ren also has zero diamonds. Cleo, who is actively trying to give away some of the many, many diamonds she has earned from her shop, gives Scar four diamond blocks. Scar is happy. Ren suggests they go diamond mining, a very lucrative activity in this version of Minecraft. Scar wants Bdubs to get off the dime and get his lawsuit rolling, because he is owed some serious diamonds by an imaginary man and some snails!

2:10:35 Ren realizes that Scar has a literally mountain made in large part of diamond ore blocks. Scar insists that those are an escrow account, though does not specify to whom or for what reason. Also the mountain has a large hole in it, thanks to those snails! Gem, who is stream sniping, calls it an escargot account. Cleo gives Ren some diamond blocks too. Ren notices the escargot joke and laughs until his eye starts hurting. Scar complains that his ear hurts from the headphones. Cleo yells at him, in a very muted fashion, to get new headphones. Scar cannot hear her because he needs new headphones. In chat, Gem boasts that Ren cannot handle her dad jokes.

2:11:50 The group leaves the head shop, Ren sadly predicting that Jev won’t get good trophies from the shop at these prices. Cleo tells them that she got the 2500 diamond trophy today. Ren experience a moment of disgust at the rampant capitalism until Cleo points out that she _literally just_ gave him a bunch of diamonds. Scar wants to see the trophy. He also wants to know where to sign up for trophies, now that he has a shop. Cleo takes him to sign up for trophies. He is disappointed that Hermits have to pay for his own trophy. He says this is like the time that his brother saved somebody’s life and the Navy told him that if he wanted the medal, he had to pay for it. Chat thinks that is strange because usually service members don’t pay for medals, but Scar promises there’s a story and he will tell Chat later. Cleo and Ren note that Ren’s head is not on the leaderboard yet, he is represented by a squid. Cleo says that’s easy to fix, just put down a bed and she’ll kill him. Scar doesn’t wait for such niceties as spawn-setting and kills Ren in two shots. He says it just felt like the right thing to do.

2:14:00 Ren reports that he is at spawn with nothing. Cleo and Scar collect all his stuff and take it to him. Pearl comments in chat that Spawn isn’t that far from the trophy shop, indicating that she is stream sniping as well. Scar loves Ren’s fancy hat and says it reminds him of Season 7 when he was Mayor Scar. Ren gets killed by Gem. Scar tries to Hotguy Gem, but misses, much to his chagrin. Scar tries to justify a “no thinking, just doing” philosophy as the reason he killed Ren so quickly. Cleo contends that this philosophy is in fact Scar’s problem. Gem puts on a Ren head and jumpscares Scar. Ren reassembles his inventory bit by bit, then stares at Gem to ask why she has to be this way. Cleo says Gem looks beautiful; Ren agrees that Gem looks especially beautiful now. Gem says it’s just the way she is. Ren asks why her head is so _massive._ Gem doesn’t know, it’s Ren’s head. They stand side by size, Gem’s Ren head is much bigger. Ren asks if all Hermit heads do that. Cleo and Scar say yes, but Gem believes there is only one way to find out and kills Scar. They are indeed all the same size.

2:18:00 Scar wants to make it clear that Jellie cat heads are illegal on the server. Cleo asks him not to say that because she always wants to do things that are illegal and she actually has a Jellie cat available. It was in the cat cafe but she took it out and put it in her basement so it wouldn’t make Scar feel bad. Scar doesn’t know how to feel about this, but does feel bad about the poor Jellie in the basement. Cleo protests that Jellie’s in the nice part of the basement. Scar asks for his shovel back, Gem finds it in her inventory and tells him he should name his tools. Scar did name them, but they all broke or fell in lava. That reminds Cleo to ask about whether Scar ever actually finished paying for all the books he took from the shop the other day. Scar gives back all the diamonds that Cleo just gave him. “How many books did you _take?_” she asks, appalled. He reminds her that he lost everything. Cleo takes pity on him and gives him half of the diamonds he just gave her. The group talks a little bit about Scar’s Minecraft face. Ren says it’s very hard to look off to the left and smirk with the right side of the mouth. Cleo can do it. Scar is visibly trying on the facecam. Chat is also trying, with varying results. Scar concludes that it isn’t that difficult and Ren says maybe it’s just him.

2:21:10 Cleo says it’s probably the chocolates. Ren asks if she thinks they’ve done permanent damage. Scar doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Cleo tells the story of the chocolates while Scar plays the Inside Joke horn. Cleo explains that at Christmastime they and Ren were playing Plate Up and Ren mentioned he was hungry and had found some chocolates, did Cleo think they were safe to eat? Cleo said probably yes because chocolate doesn’t really go off, but what Ren did not mention was that these were milk truffles he’d found behind a radiator, behind a cupboard, left by the people who’d had the apartment before him. “And you ATE them?” Scar asks. “They were sealed!” Ren insists. Gem plays the most appropriate “Don’t put that in my mouth” horn ever played. Cleo confirms that Ren did eat them, on camera, and nearly vomited. Ren agrees they were foul. “Oh my god,” says Scar, stunned. “Oh my god,” agrees Gem’s Impulse horn. Gem’s horn game is extremely on point today. Cleo realizes suddenly that she already has four copies of Ren’s head and never needed to kill him in the first place.

2:22:55 Ren tells them all that they are the actual worst humans to ever human. Cleo insists that she is definitely not the worst human, Gem proudly insists that she is. There are several minutes of conversation about Gem’s skin and what Space Buns are. Cleo insists that Gem’s skin’s hair design is called Space Buns but they are completely distinct from and have no relationship to Princess Leia’s hair buns in Star Wars. Scar and Ren cannot comprehend how any hairstyle called “space buns” could not be related to Princess Leia. They eventually agree to disagree, on the theory that Scar and Ren are incapable of understanding things unrelated to Star Wars. ((A cursory internet search indicates that everyone is half-correct, the “Space Buns” hairstyle of two buns in the back two quadrants of the scalp is popular on its own and is not the same as Princess Leia’s famous rolled side buns in Star Wars, but basically every source on the internet agrees that the name was inspired by Princess Leia.))

2:24:40 Scar asks if everyone has seen Ren’s spaceship base. Cleo and Gem have seen it, but they want to see Scar’s base. He leads everyone to the front of the train for a tour and is immediately embarrassed by the oxidation on his portal frame. He keeps meaning to wax that. Scar shares the lore of the Swaggon Inc brand zoo train as it travels the world. Cleo steals a few design ideas along the way. He shows off the carnivore car and Doc, who is now stream sniping, asks if he said carnival car, as in clown train. Scar insists it is not a clown train. Doc giggles. Everyone who saw Scar’s disaster mess of a storage area in the engine is impressed with his new storage car. He leads the way through the turtle and dolphin tank and tells them that when he’s done with his surgery, he and Tango are going to figure out a way to keep dolphins alive. Fifteen dead dolphins is enough. Everyone loves the giraffes. Scar leads the group to a safe distance to show off the villains car and explains his plans for that. Cleo scolds him for Fred’s sorry state of coldness. Gem and Ren agree. Scar is the zookeeper _and_ the police, how can he be torturing animals? Scar shows them the blue parrot tethered to a tree. Cleo tells him he is unconscionable. Gem says she’s going to dinnerbone the bird so it flies upside down and is even worse.

2:35:00 Scar shows off the villains of the villain car, with a bit of mayhem as the result. Turns out the witch has a surprising range with potions, and Magic Hands Man has just been itching to send out more Vex. They retreat to a safe distance and Scar explains his plan for the last, floating car. He shows everyone the back of the train as well, with the elephant and big pumpkin. Scar loses his headset again, then shows everyone the mountain he’s tearing down and Cub’s 44th hideout. Scar and Ren agree that the sign is very similar to the one on the armor trim shop. Cleo, who believes more than anyone that Cub is the culprit, still feels compelled to point out that this is extremely circumstantial evidence indeed. Scar tries to trick Cleo through his death portal but she is wise to his tricks. He goes through the safe bit of the portal and waits to see who follows him. Joe (who was also stream sniping) is under the portal waiting to hit Cleo with a trident, but Cleo doesn’t follow Scar through. Joe models his new courtroom attire of a bright green asymmetric jumpsuit, modeled after the court fashions of Star Trek.

2:42:10 Scar jumps back through the portal to see where everyone else went. Cleo insists they went through the portal and then jumped back when Scar was not there. Scar insists they were not, because he and Joe were on the other side and Joe was showing him his tight but stretchy pants. Cleo though Skizz was bad enough with the wig, but Joe has picked an even weirder outfit for lawyering. Scar points out that it is very on-brand for Star Trek, though. Joe pops through the portal to show Joe his clothes. Ren thinks they’re cool, but that Joe should get a wig too. Joe says he’s channeling the future. Scar suggests going bald entirely. Joe is concerned that if he removed the hair from the Juppet skin, it would be creepy not in the way he wants. Scar asks if Cleo likes Star Trek, Cleo confirms yes, they’ve even gone to conventions and stuff. Scar is thrilled. Apparently it was a Voyager convention specifically, though Cleo doesn’t remember who all the guests were, having been a teenager at the time. Joe can’t believe anyone could ever be so young as to not remember meeting Robert Picardo. Cleo confirms that they did, in fact, meet the Doctor. Joe is very happy.

2:45:00 The group talks for a few minutes about the mysteries and intricacies of the convention circuit, first the Star Trek convention circuit and then the Hermit-related circuit. Joe mentions that he had to pay to fly out to PAX Unplugged last year and talk with Beef about the TCG cards. Scar asks if Joe has revealed his cards, because Joe’s card is one of his favorite. Joe asks to post the link in Scar’s chat. Chat is excited to see it. Scar doesn’t have a link to his own card, but shows a sneak peek on his phone. His card depicts Volleyball Hotguy, shirtless of course. He says Grian said he needs more abs and asks what chat thinks. Chat melts down. Cleo thinks Scar’s card is amazing. It is top abs. Needs more scitties, but the abs are great. Chat melts down harder. Cleo and Scar talk about the time last year when Tumblr created a Scar Minecraft model with truly popped-out pecs, and then did the same thing to Joe. Joe is fine with that. He misses the days when he was in Marine Corps officer training and was, as his friends put it “uncomfortably ripped.” Chat has many feelings about Jitties, and they love Joe’s adorable TCG card.

2:48:20 Skizz signs on so Ren must go, it is time for his deposition. Joe wants to go crash in on Skizz and say hello. Scar thinks that idea is dangerous, they might catch Skizz in a cursing mood again. Ren mentions that the Rendog common dropped today. He has trouble getting the link from Twitter, but one of Scar’s mods drops it into chat for him. Ren points out how it’s awesome that the world behind him is square. Ren takes off and so does Cleo, who has a headache brewing. Scar bids Cleo and Joe goodbye and flies away. He notices that the diamond ore is gone from his rocket chest and lets Doc know that he needs it back, it’s evidence! What he really needs, he decides, is a giant whiteboard to keep track of all the things he needs to keep track of.

2:52:20 Scar has an evoker and that’s great, but what he really wants is to see if he can also get a ravager in a boat. Chat loves that idea. Scar makes some boats and kills another boated bannerman, then goes and triggers another raid. This reminds him that he was talking about his surgery a couple hours ago and he promised Chat the story. He tells it why they fight the raid. In 2021 he got a Psuedomonas infection in his J-tube, which is a slow-moving infection but has a very particular smell and color to it. He went to the ER for it but they didn’t take it seriously. Scar pauses for train talk and a Cleo raid. A chatter tells him he can’t boat a ravager, but other chatters disagree. Scar explains how the untreated infection led to PICC lines and full surgery to replace the tube that involved some complications. This surgery will hopefully finish correcting everything that’s still a problem from back then.

2:56:30 Scar keeps fighting the raid as he talks, popping a totem as he goes. When he had his accident at TwitchCon Las Vegas where he fell and got the concussion, he went to the ER, saw a doctor for about 13 seconds, and got some scans done. The bill for that was $22,000. Chat is appalled. After insurance and everything, they sent a bill to Scar for two cents, which they actually want paid. Scar wants to know if he’s really supposed to send them two cents. The raid ends without a ravager. Everyone is disappointed. Scar hits up a pillager outpost to restart the raid. A chatter suggests sending the hospital a nickle and asking for change. A chatter asks for cat name ideas. Chat has so many ideas.

3:01:00 Scar wants to share some good news he got on Discord. He is halted by a voice chat suggesting he use a credit card to pay the two cents, since it will cost the hospital about 20 times that in processing fees. Scar likes that idea. Scar’s news is from Hoffen, the art books are created and ready to ship within the next couple of weeks! Anyone who ordered a book and has changed their address, now is the time to get that sorted out. Scar bought 24 copies and can’t wait to get them. He has lots of plans for them! A chatter asks if Scar is coming to TwitchCon San Diego, he answers yes. More information will come later, but he has stuff cooking!

3:04:00 Scar fights the new raid and answers chat questions. A chatter immediately gets him on a Disney rant. He finds a ravager and clears the rest of the raid around it. The ravager does not go in the boat after all. It is disappointing, but Scar has a minecart too. He forgets that the minecart has to be moving, but does a very good job kiting the ravager. The fact that he’s still doing his Disney rant and his headset keeps falling off only slows him down a little bit.

3:15:50 A chatter voice-texts to remind Scar to move the minecart. Doc advises him in game chat to build a little circle of track, but Scar is on a Disney roll. He pulls the ravager back to the minecart, gives the cart a hard nudge and captures the ravager quite neatly. Everyone celebrates!

3:19:30 Scar places a little bit of track and then realizes how long it will take to minecart back to his base from here. He decides to release the ravager he just caught and let it chase him all the way home, avoiding Bdubs’ base because it is rude to ravage your friends’ yards. He realizes he can’t nametag the ravager because he has no levels, so it will be a dangerous race back home to keep the ravager from despawning. He accidentally hits the ravager four times with his pick while trying to break the minecart. Doc suggests using an activator rail to pop the ravager out of the minecart without harming it. Scar decides instead to dig a hole under the ravager and break the minecart from beneath, dropping the ravager on his own head. He flees in terror before the ravager can smash him, and the chase is on!

3:21:10 Chat would very much like to see what would happen if Scar took the ravager to Bdubs’ house, but he leads it across the water instead. Ravagers swim very slowly. Ore Mountain comes into silhouette in the distance. Scar talks about the new Monsters park at Universal Studios. He loves it and wants Disney to bring a Villainsland to their parks so much. The ravager remains in hot pursuit, but Scar’s Decked Out skills serve him well.

3:28:30 Scar arrives back at the train but realizes he doesn’t have his stuff ready to hold the ravager at the end of the line. He hastily builds a circle track like Doc suggested and gets the Ravager back into it, then breathes a sigh of relief. The ravager rides the circle track like a very angry teenager on a preschool carousel. It will keep for now.

3:30:00 Scar goes back to studio view and thanks everyone for watching and for all the subs and donos. He doesn’t have his video finished, but hopes to finish it soon after his surgery. It was a fun stream, he enjoyed it a lot! Chat gives him hundreds of good wishes. Scar is so, so close to raiding Tango and ending, but the urge for murder is too strong. Scar drops back into game view and flies wildly across the server. Chat informs him that Tango is ending his stream as well, time is almost up! Chat also reminds Scar that Tango helped him not three hours ago, making Scar hesitate just long enough for Tango to end his stream. Scar lands next to a convenient wildcat, raids into Antfrost and ends his stream.

[ask-codeearasure]

The Outer Realms -- Chapter 8

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Want to refill Ink's paint supply? Go to our askbox!

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Chapter Eight:

How Have They Not Killed Each Other Yet?

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“The more often he feels without acting, the less he will be able ever to act, and, in the long run, the less he will be able to feel.” - C. S. Lewis (The Screwtape Letters)

—-

Ink had refused to move a single inch from his spot. He was wracking that empty skull of his for ideas as to how to deal with the creators instead of focusing on this strange version of Error that he had mentioned… how long ago? Error had been watching him the whole time.

“You can’t do nothing.” Error said.

“Yes, I can.” Ink said.

“No, I mean you won’t let yourself do nothing.” Error said, “Ink, I know you. I’ve known you for a long time. You won’t let yourself sit idly by while someone goes around destroying AUs, especially whenever you claim your precious CREATORS didn't plan for that.”

“But the creators… How do I–”

“SCREW THE CREATORS!” Error hissed, “They can wait. Maybe they should be waiting FOREVER! This- fucking COPYCAT is someone you can stop right NOW!”

Error paused, seething, and a long silence continued between them. He took a long deep breath and calmed himself down before glaring at the artist. 

“Ink, you and I may not agree on what to do with these abominations, but I… for whatever reason, give a damn about you, and I fucking hate seeing you like this more than I hate the creators. More than I despise the idea of a freakish copy of myself running free. You’re going to stop him even if it means I have to GET ON YOUR ASS ABOUT IT!”

Ink stared blankly up at him. Although he appreciated the gesture that Error cared, it wasn't like he could express that the way he wanted to right now.

The artist gave an exasperated sigh, the best effort he could to show how worn thin he became over the last several weeks.

As much as he wanted to help the creators like he always did, hear out their concerns and dissect them to get the best result for their projects— they weren't here. Or at best, they weren't responding. He had been waiting around enough. 

Ink grabbed his scarf and pressed it over his face with his hands, then screamed into the fabric. He then dragged himself upright, stumbling at first, then grabbed Error’s arm without warning to stabilize himself.

Error, decidedly, did not like that. The glitch made a scream of his own, high-pitched enough to rattle the ruins around them and yanked his arm back.

“The FUCK was that for, you half-pint ASSHOLE!?”

The artist gasped, putting an offended hand on his chest to over-dramatize how intense his reaction actually was.

“I was gonna go with what you proposed, dude! What do you want from me??”

“Some fucking elbow room, maybe!? Or did you already forget about my severe haphephobia? I should hang you by your feet over Mt. Ebott myself and make you watch the destruction of ANOTHER UNIVERSE.”

Ink flinched, “OKAY! OKAY! CHILLAX, ERROR, I'M SORRY! Geez louise!”

The destroyer crossed his arms and flipped an end of his scarf over his shoulder, growling indignantly to himself.

“Yeah, sure, you fuckin’ better be.”

Without missing a beat, Ink folded their own arms behind them, kicking a foot back and forth. But as he continued to think silently, something must have ticked the excitement button in his mind, and Ink vomited his namesake all over the ground, which Error quickly jumped away from.

“So uh… where do you think we start? Have you seen this other you anywhere lately? Think they like the same things you do? Liiiiiike stealing chocolate from Underfell!Sans? Stalking people in Outertale? Watching Undernovella? Making dolls? OOOHH, DO YOU ALSO PLAY PIANO AND NEVER TOLD ME? THEY COULD—”

“WILL YOU SHUT UP??? YOU ARE GIVING ME A HEADACHE!!!!” Error looked about ready to chuck them across the length of two football fields, glitches crackling above his eyes and face, some hovering over the discolored skeleton’s clawed phalanges.

This is the last time he proposed the idea of them working together, in so many words. Even with Ink taking half the amount of paints they should, he remained as agitating as he always did.

But according to him, that was still better than talking to a lifeless, empty husk.

Imagining his… ally like that ran a chill down Error’s spine. The taller skeleton worked quickly to compose himself, ignoring the slightly hurt expression on Ink’s face.

“Look. If they're anything like me, their main goal is the destruction of the surviving universes.”

“If your idea is to jump from AU to AU repeatedly, I don't think that's the most efficient plan.” Ink fiddled with the loose threads in his scarf, pulling out a few. “The minute we leave one, he could start messing with it knowing his work will be half-done by the time we’re back… probably.”

The artist stretched, popping away the stiffness in their spine. “No offense, Error, but that guy did a lot more damage than you ever did! He snuck into the Doodlesphere and everything! Brought a piano in, too!”

A growl rumbling in his figurative throat, Error was about to send a retort back, but that last part caught him off guard.

Yeahno, he didn't forget Ink had mentioned that piano part not two minutes ago, but his impostor dragging the entire damn instrument into the Doodlesphere with him was just ASKING for attention. What kind of overconfident bozo did that, unless they WANTED to get their teeth slammed in!?

By some miracle, Error withheld his building outrage, snarling to a nonchalant Ink from between his teeth.

“Okay then, wise guy, what's your idea? We're kinda short on time here, so I'd LOVE to hear it!”

Ink beamed at him, an absolutely elated yet mischievous grin stretching across his face.

“Simple! We go back to the Doodlesphere and watch the remaining universes from there! If one of them starts, I don't know, burning or something, then that's where your other self might be!”

That—

Alright.

That wasn't a bad idea.

But Error didn't want to give them any credit just yet. For that, Ink's plan had to work.

Ink didn't wait for a response, painting a portal to the Doodlesphere on the ground and jumping right through. Error for some reason felt a pit in his soul. Like something was missing. Deciding to ignore it, he walked over to the portal and fell in backwards.

It was upon landing in the Doodlesphere he saw what could only be described as absolute ruin in comparison to what he was used to. Ink didn’t seem surprised, but he could read that the artist wasn’t exactly happy. It was so empty in comparison to what happened when he last visited. He almost wanted to call it desolate, but it wasn't precisely that either. There were other AUs around, spared from the other guy's onslaught, they were just more spread out. Error tried to think about what Ink mentioned, some weirdo dragging out an entire piano into the middle of the fucking Doodlesphere… 

That was far from what Error himself was like. He couldn't imagine himself doing that. It was far from the behavior of any other error in general, even Blueberror had more tact than that.

He bit back his frustration back and asked himself “Why the hell would a guy bring a fucking piano in here?”

Ink shrugged, “Would you do it?”

Error tried his best to bite back his frustration, Ink’s voice was starting to become grating but it was both better than being alone and being stuck in deafening silence. “Not unless I wanted to both waste my time and be caught.”

“Why would he want to be caught, though?” Ink asked as he walked around, checking on the AUs, finding no smoke or fire, or any other suspicious activity.

Don’t beat the shit out of him. Don’t beat the shit out of him. DON’T FUCKING BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM–

Error bit the tip of his tongue and did his best to not drop kick the runt of a fucking idiodic skeletion. “I don’t know, what the fuck were you doing at the time?”

“Oh that’s easy–” Ink froze and looked at his scarf, running through it like some medieval knave going through a scroll to find the part they left off to read, “Ah! Here it is, we were looking for you, because one of the AUs was falling apart while we were still in it, I thought you did it but you didn’t, obviously. So I…” he frowned and started mumbling, “I forced a Chara to come along with us as bait and… we found a bunch of strings tied around AUs but they wouldn’t break.... And that version of you was playing the piano, and… well…”

Error stared at Ink, unsure what the hell they were getting at. The taller skeleton's face twisted with multiple emotions, the most obvious ones being a fucked up sense of amusement and a flicker of his continuously building rage.

For a second, Ink didn't think Error would respond. But of course he would. He always did eventually, if not to get the last word once again.

The artist heard their friend clear his throat, theoretically picking his words carefully.

“Was anyone else there?”

“Yeah, uhm–” Ink bit his tongue again, raking his mind for the faces he knew were there.

“An Underfell!Sans, Carrot, and… Dream? Yeah! Dream was there too!”

Error chuckled, keeping whatever he found funny to himself, failing, then bursting out into a series of giggles he tried to stop before he ultimately gave up, holding his midsection as he continued laughing while a confused and frightened Ink witnessed yet another display of Error's insanity.

Finally, Error managed to pull himself together, wiping his eyesockets free of tears and keeping a strained smile plastered to his face.

The destroyer lowered himself to eye-level with Ink, the smile disappearing in an instant when Ink forced himself to make eye-contact. Error tilted his head.

“Ink, it continues to appall me, hearing and seeing all the bullshit you pull, even in front of your friends! How do they not hate you yet?”

Ink took a step back and looked down at his scarf, where he left off reading, the words ‘ripped out Chara's heart out and took their soul’ written clearly on it. The figurative gears turning in Ink’s mind finally clicked together.

“They probably do now…” Ink said grimly. “That…” they shook their head, “Chara died because of me… That version of you killed them right in front of them, we couldn’t do anything…”

Error grinned, “You’re a damn fool, you know that?”

Ink nodded. He wanted to justify himself, he wanted to argue, but he knew it wasn’t in his best interest to do so, given his intent didn’t exactly equate the very results he was given. They never do. Intent doesn’t always justify the results. He dropped his scarf and couldn’t look at Error at the moment. They could feel the amount of judgment from the look on Error’s face. The artist mumbled, “I not only ruined their story, but I can’t undo it… I can only stop this now.” it was mostly to himself.

Ink was almost too lost in thought to hear Error say “What the fuck is with the blaster?”

They looked up and saw a gaster blaster staring down at them. But it wasn’t a normal gaster blaster either. It looked so strange. So different, yet eerily familiar. It was a skull of some sort of animal, like a candid, and if that wasn’t enough, it was oozing a black substance from its mouth, complimenting the dark gray bone that formed its shape.

Before another word was spoken Ink tackled Error away from the blaster just in time for it to spew out a blast of ink at them, it hit the artist, but not the glitch.

“Illogical.” said an eerily familiar voice.

Error glanced around to finally see the speaker, they looked like Ink when he was nothing more than a husk, but they were very different. They were dressed far more… tamer than Ink, having on a blue hooded poncho and furred boots. They even had a backpack, and a far thinner paintbrush.

This was an Ink Copycat.

“Why would he save the likes of you?” the copycat asked.

Error glared at him and summoned several bones in an attempt to impale the husk, but to his horror the husk took the fucking damage without a single reaction. The husk flipped his brush, transforming it into a goddamn spear, launching it towards the glitch. Error was able to use his strings to catch it just in time. It was less than a centimeter from his sternum.

Ink summoned a gaster blaster of his own and hit the doppelganger while Error shattered the spear. “You okay?” Ink asked worriedly.

Error nodded as he watched the husk heal itself and transform the ink it bled into the brush, “I find it odd that you’re helping your natural enemy. Also, you’re actively taking part in that defect. Why is that?”

“What are you talking about?” Ink asked cautiously. He felt like he was staring into an inevitable reality, one where he ended up like the stranger before him, just worse.

“Emotions.” the husk stated as if it was obvious, he drew a line on the ground, the ink flowed upwards making several swords, “They’re a defect, things for creations to make their stories more interesting. They’re useless for the likes of us.” he holstered the brush onto his back before picking up a sword. “And helping your natural enemy is evident of that. Why help the one person trying to erase you? If anything is unnatural, it is that.”

“He’s my friend!” Ink hissed, swiping Broomie off his back and mimicking the intruder’s movements, but instead flooding the floor with as many sharp projectiles he could possibly think of. Swords, daggers, chipped bones, spears, harpoons, whatever could jab his opponent with just as much business and hurt overriding his mind. Error jumped out of the way, summoning his own arrangement of blasters to target the new anomaly, standing on top of one of them so he didn’t impale himself on the warzone Ink created.

The husk seemed to have found it all unexpected, summoning a whole other gasterblaster to hop on top of it, letting it tank the damage instead while using it and the other to blast the duo. He then used the sword to finish destroying the first blaster letting it explode into the ink he used to make it, creating and sending a variety of knives Error’s way.

Error swerved his blaster to the side and then some, then jumped off to another one right below, letting the previous blaster explode into a million pieces when it was hit. This only served as an opening for Error to summon more to cover his next move, which was snatching Ink off the floor by the hem of his scarf and chucking him straight into the pool of ink they and the stranger created. Ink, sharing an understanding of the assignment, let himself be absorbed into the monstrosity of half-solid blades. The destroyer then turned his attention to the anomaly, who in turn tilted its head to face him. Is this what Ink feared becoming? A fucking weirdo? For once, Error couldn’t fault him. The creature he was looking at was only little more than a emotionless, lifeless husk that lacked all sense of awareness or memory. But he wasn’t here to sympathize. Over his dusted body. The tall skeleton ducked through a barrage of oncoming attacks, dodging a near-shapeless blaster as he yanked two handfuls of electric blue strings from his eyesockets, unleashing them on every moving item as soon as he was in the clear, catching stray blasters, ink swords, and the husk in a strangling grip. Slowly, Error only tightened that grip, his strings tearing the husk’s attacks apart as easily as malicious fingers through wet paper. He was about to do the same for that pitiful creature, but again, it didn’t respond to the pain he was attempting to inflict.

The husk stared at the duo before grasping its brush and flung it upwards, letting as much paint it would allow before destroying it with the ink sword, transforming them into a railgun. It was aimed directly at Error. The masses of weapons it created before reliquified and began to rush towards Error in the shape of grasping hands.

“I’ll make this quick.” the husk said.

Suddenly, Ink burst out of the pool of ink, dyes, and paints, wrapping his body around the equally vertically challenged stranger. With his eyelights dark shades of orange and red, the artist put it into a headlock and yanked it by the head backwards recklessly. The weapons continued in Error’s general direction however, and in a last ditch effort to not get absolutely sauced by the stampede of messy pointed things, he opened a portal to Outertale, slipped in, then exited out another one at the back of the crowd, summoning a dozen blasters to shoot them out of the air, and hopefully, burn them out of existence.

The husk summoned a dozen gaster blasters and fired them off at itself and Ink with the pressure high enough to cut through the railgun forcing them both to be separated. When the blasters were done, the husk forced itself up using the ink that pooled around them to heal itself. But its spine that held its head forced its head to barely be hanging by a thread. It reached up and pulled its head back into place, the ink that came from the cracks in the spinal cord disappeared, melting back into bone.

“I suppose I must dispose of you as well.” the husk whispered, seemingly disappointed in this outcome.

Ink was trying his best to draw his bones back together as quickly as possible but from their peripherals, they saw a familiarly grinning figure toying with one of the AUs. He turned and saw it was that strange Error doppelganger, but he looked back at his own copy who was summoning several cannons, when he glanced back towards where the glitch copy was at, he was gone but the AU was on fire.

A decision had to be made, and quickly. Ink grabbed Broomie, twirling the oversized brush in his hands, and summoned a wall to block off his copy from hell itself. Before he could hesitate, the artist charged towards the AU, grabbing it at the last second as Error’s vengeful screams echoed through the Doodlesphere. But Ink couldn’t look back, not when he was so close to finding the answers he and Error wanted to know. Ink dematerialized into his namesake, and jumped into the burning page. When he materialized again, he saw the same results from that Underfell AU weeks prior, but now every resident realized the weight of the situation they had no escape from. If Ink had a heart, it had already dropped to join his soul. In the distance, he could spot Core!Frisk rounding up as many survivors as they could to take to the Omega Timeline, and Ink mentally cheered on their effort as he turned away to find Error’s impostor.

—-------

“You've been abandoned.” said the husk, staring at Error, the cannons rotating to aim towards him. “Creations matter more than your existence as they always have.”

Error was going to have a fucking aneurism if this thing kept talking. “And I bet you like the sound of your own voice way too much.” He would take care of Ink later, perhaps shove his face in the closest store of acid the second he came back. Fucking teach him not to run without warning, the little shrimp. And you know what? He was going to use this senseless pipsqueak as PRACTICE for that moment. The destroyer cracked his knuckles and grabbed another fistful of strings, summoning more blasters to counteract the cannon obsession his opponent favored this second. “When I get my hands on your code, you are going to wish death welcomed creatures like you.”

The husk fired the cannons before disappearing into the sea of ink that has yet to disappear. It didn't care about the threat. It didn't have the capacity to. Why should it? Appearing behind Error, almost predictably so, it swung its brush to fling a pool of sticky pink paint in an attempt to glue the glitch down. It had obviously grown bored with the fight and wanted to take advantage of Ink's absence. ‘Oh SHIT-’ was the last legible thought on Error’s mind before the husk reappeared behind him, and in a last ditch effort to either save himself or get the both of them fucked over, Error twisted around where he stood, grabbed the anomaly by the face, getting splattered with the sticky pink paint in the process, and summoned a gaster blaster to snap its jaws around them both, squishing the husk’s ribcage and pelvis between its gnashing teeth, and taking the brunt of the blast from the cannons in the back before it eventually broke apart and allowed the thing and Error to get pelted as well.

The husk and its paint seemed to have finally run out of steam. The ink and paint fading away into dust. The husk forced itself up, despite only having one arm left and barely 25% of its ribcage. To escape, the creature used its wrist to gather a final pool of ink and disappeared into it. The pool faded away just as quickly, leaving behind a stained, tattered backpack.

The fight was finally over.

Spitting out the blood that pooled in his mouth, Error watched the abomination escape in the most satisfying, decrepit state that blessed his eyelights. He sat up, out of breath, but still alive and fucking thriving. At once, Error screamed in celebration, yanking himself to his feet in an attempt to do an insult of a victory dance as well, but then his own lower body complained, and loudly. Error collapsed back to the floor with a pathetic groan, wishing he brought his pink feather boa with him. That item always crossed over his confidence in yellow highlighter with a cherry on top. Whenever Ink comes back, he’s fucking DEAD.

—----

Searching through a self-destructing AU wasn't exactly what Ink was expecting, nor did he even know what to expect. It was legitimately tearing itself apart. He'd open doors only to find nothing but pitch black. There were masses of crystals that would turn into drawn human eyes that had the texture of newspaper. It was… insanity.

He ran to where Snowdin should've been only to find the snow was now turning into lava only to shift into grass, then confetti, then crumbled paper, then actual code then–

Stars, he felt a migraine coming on. He made a note to himself to never ever drive anyone to have one of those ever again.

But there was no sign of the Error copy. None. Where was he? He couldn't stay here for long because if he did, he'd be torn apart by the AU’s destruction. But holy shit, out of all the mind-breaking creations he helped create, none of them compared to this level of reality-bending destruction.

Reading the script of what this AU was supposed to be gave him even worse results. Every AU had a set path of stories depending on the choices of The Player, or really any other characters the creators wanted to have the most autonomy and power of the narrative. Instead of there being a script in the first place, Ink’s eyes were assaulted by randomized code in many fonts, half of them unreadable, and others using alphabets and numbers he didn’t know existed. The artist shoved the physical copy of this corrupted script in one of the pockets of his scarf for later reference.

Before the closest pool of liquid could dissolve into something nonsensical, Ink dove in, traveling back towards the Doodlesphere as fast as he could.

Error’s glitches had managed to regenerate most of his injuries by the time Ink resurfaced, the artist dropping Broomie in favor of checking on his friend.

“Error! Are you okay?” Aside from the remnants of the scuffle around the area and the AU Ink had just escaped, nothing else around them seemed to be damaged. Except for Error’s already shaky sense of pride. The destroyer in question sent Ink a dangerous sneer. He had to reboot at some point before they returned, and on top of his predictable anger, he was still just a little out of it.

Error mumbled angrily under his breath in response to Ink’s question, then swung some backpack into his face as if that was another insult to his being. “YOU LEFT ME!” Ink caught the backpack before it had a chance at hitting him as intended, then set it off to the side. “I’m sorry, Error! I don’t think I had the time to say anything-” “YES, YOU DID, ASSHOLE!!!” “I DON’T THINK I DID, DUDE! I SAW THE OTHER YOU BACK THERE!” “YOU SAW MY WHAT!?” Error quickly gave up on Plan ‘Bash Ink’s Face Into The Ground’, yanking out more strings and aggressively stood up to look around the Doodleshpere from where he was. “WHERE IS HE!??!??!”The longer he waited around in this place, the more he became tempted to finish his importor’s job, which was supposed to be HIS FUCKING JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE, DAMN IT.

Ink let out an exasperated sigh, keeping a pointed gaze at Error. As much as he wanted to trust his friend 100% to not destroy everything here, Error’s behavior could go from 0 to 100 without the flip of a dime, he didn’t need to be provoked for his destructive tendencies to be asserted wherever he went. But this risk was necessary, in the artist’s mind. “Error, I lost him. Whatever he did, one more universe has been destroyed, and the only thing I have to show for it is this! Whatever it is!” They held out the script, which remained glitching between several textures, codes, languages, and numbers. Ink felt his migraine intensify at the sight of it, and his stress level only seemed to grow, even with the miniscule amount of paint still in his system. Error sneered down at the script as if it personally offended him, swiped it out of Ink’s hands to look at it himself, and took his glasses out of his pocket to get a clearer look at whatever kind of monstrosity he was supposed to decipher. Maybe. Ink hoped his trust in Error wasn’t displaced in this regard. While Error did his equivalent of working, which was staring daggers at a corrupted arrangement of magic papers that came with every AU, Ink took a second to lay down, gracelessly swinging  an arm over his eyes to block out the light. What a day they’ve had so far. First another ‘Error’ lookin guy, now an impostor of his own that was too close in resemblance to his worst nightmare for any comfort. Usually, he would have been thrilled to meet them as he did every new creation, but this other him wanted to hurt Error, then him, and Ink didn’t know what else he could lose before he lost his own mind. Who knows? Maybe it’s already gone! “I can hear your stupid thoughts from here, Ink. Drink your fucking paints.” Error said from a distance. Ink groaned in complaint. “Error, I don’t have any more! I’m gonna rot here!” “You idiot,” Error grumbled. There was a shift, then a couple steps made themselves audible, and the backpack was nearly kicked into Ink’s face. “Open it. Dumbass.” They sat up instantly, ignoring the pounding in their skull to give Error a warning look, only for the glitch to shrug and look back at the script he was given. Ink huffed, grabbed the backpack, and almost tore the top open, only for a gleaming substance to catch his eye from the inside. Oh. Ink didn’t know what he expected to see in there, but a collection of potion bottles and two books was not on his list of findings for today. They sent a questioning look to Error’s back, then back to the potions, stored in adorably decorated jars maybe twice as big as his own vials. Then it hit him. “Hey, Error?” “What now? I’m busy.” “Did you take this from the other me?” “Yep,” Error replied, popping the ‘p’. “Huh… thank you!” “Yeah, yeah, shut up.”

He didn’t know what to think now, and a part of him was kinda done with doing that as of right now. Ink lifted a pale, yellowish potion from the backpack, admiring the texture of the liquid inside. If this was paint, they didn’t think it was the same type they were used to drinking at the start of every day- wait a minute. Hesitatingly, Ink untied the string around the top and the body of the jar, then slowly twisted the lid off and sniffed at the concoction inside. Oh! It’s oil paint! No wonder it looked so strange to him at first! Ink twisted the lid back on, and with both hands, aggressively shaked the jar to mix the oil and dyes back together. By the time he was done seconds later, the paint was a brighter, more solid shade of yellow, almost the exact same hue his paints were, when he was still getting a stable and consistent supply of them. Before he could taste it, Error cleared his throat, and Ink turned to look in his direction as the glitch put his glasses away and crumbled the script into a ball. Ink choked on his own breath and moved to stand. “Hey, no! We need that!” “Not anymore,” Error tossed the ball away. “It’s a self-destruction code.” “Wh- huh?? Scripts don’t usually have ideas like that in them, Error.” “You sure about that?” “Yes? I help creators make their own stories, dude, this means I have access to the planned script and everything that’s supposed to happen in every universe. So believe me, whatever you read was not there before the other you happened.” Error’s figurative brow furrowed. “I think it’s genius, Ink, hacking into an anomaly’s code and putting a self-destruction command in it… I should have thought of that myself…” Ink gave his friend a blank look, one of his eyesockets twitching. Error smiled antagonizingly in response, then continued to fuckin’- Ink couldn’t guess accurately, but if he had to, maybe Error was thinking about the ensuing destruction in detail, but with his name written in Sharpie all over it instead of his impostor’s. Ugh, neither of them even caught their name…

They applied their attention back on the paints, their only saving grace. Ink took a small gulp of the yellow mixture, and near instantly, his compounding migraine ceased by the smallest fraction. Aside from it tasting like expired crackers, the potions still did their job, and would continue to do so. Hopefully. Ink didn’t want to question what else could be in these things, if there was anything aside from the properties he was used to.

He made quick work of the remaining jars, only taking little sips of each one to ensure they lasted him longer, then gently placed them back in the backpack and pulled out one of the books. “Do you know of a counter-command, Error? Or maybe you can remove it entirely?” Ink flipped through the pages, spotting sketches that started out with some life, then gradually seemed to wilt. They continued on, but came across a pattern of the same thing being drawn over and over again from page to page, then all activity stopped once he got to the middle of the book. He wasn’t going to judge, everyone develops art at their own pace, but considering this belonged to a copy of him, they couldn’t help but get a little… concerned. Error came back into his range of vision with a Sans Classic doll, tossing it from one hand to the other then back again. He must have portalled back to the Anti-Void to pick it up, maybe for his own comfort and brainstorming. Ink themself was not fond of Error’s home dimension. It was way too blank for his liking, but Error was a creature of habit. Changes easily stressed him out, so having some sort of familiarity within reach was for his own best health and processing.

Even though they were both in Ink’s territory, Ink wished he had something like Error did with his dolls. The Doodlesphere has been left so shredded that any semblance of comfort Ink got from the papers that resembled the AUs was now… What was the word for it? Sabotaged. His job was to protect the wills of so many creators, their wants and plans for the future for their creations, and he failed. Error snapped his fingers right in front of the artist’s face, jolting him out of his thoughts and back to him, where really, all their attention SHOULD be, thank you very much.

“Did you get all that?” “Uh…” “Nope. You did not.” “Sorry, Error, I got a little distracted.”

“OBVIOUSLY. Here Sans was telling me everything I needed to know and you were not listening! What kind of multiverse-saver are you?”

Ink made no comment, nor had the energy to rebuke the minor insult. Instead, he sunk into himself under Error’s judgmental stare. Error wasn’t impressed, but took that as a signal to continue without the rudeness of being ignored this time. “Anyways! Sans says I can, in fact, either counteract or erase the self-destruct command, but I need direct access to each anomaly’s code for it to work…. Yay, me.” Whatever joy in Error’s voice went down the drain at that last part, but Ink picked up that tiny spark of hope, feeling the urge to vomit again at even the tiniest idea of being able to reverse whatever curse the Error clone put on the multiverse.

“NO-” Error pointed an accusatory finger into Ink’s face, like he was scolding a rabid cat. “Don’t get excited. DON’T YOU DARE GET EXCITED-” They got excited. 

“GOD DAMN YOU.”

[lovely-ari]

Hello Queen! Have you ever heard of Tacobell belly on YouTube? I haven’t until today and geez Louise! I think you’ll enjoy them!

(I hope you have an amazing day! I don’t know why I’m so nervous❤️)

Hmm...I'm not sure that I have...

OH MY GOD YEAH!!!!

I WATCHED HIS VIDEOS WHEN I FIRST DISCOVERED FEEDISM

Aw man I hope he's doing okay!! He definitely was like...one of the pioneers of me becoming a feeder, especially the Valentine's day video!

Also don't be nervous!! Am just a single silly gal who loves fat people

[stxrmylxve]

I’ve been thinking abt Hanma x Kisaki threesome in the bad toman timeline- like imagine getting DP’d by them while one is praising and the other is degrading, or they’re both degrading you! They’re just so mean 😍 Remember when Kisaki was being all fake w/ Takemichi and Chifuyu in that ep? That’s it- that’s the SUS energy he would start with, until his true intentions start to show and they eventually have you right where they want you 🥺

okay i just finished this episode and should i be mad they did that? yes. am i not? yes. bro when they tied up chifuyu i paused and just sat there in shock like-

but fr, they did them dirty like that. but hanma and kisaki were cute and had their moments so its okay with me ☺️

this will be a bit long- (oops) NOTES: degrading, cussing cause… its hanma?, praising, riding, bottom reader, switch kisaki but more of a bottom 🤭, top hanma ofc, inspo from that episode, a whole lotta plot

"Damn is it cold." you mutter to yourself, pulling down your shirt to try and trap some warmth. You had planned this outfit a while ago, and of course the one day you wanted to wear it, it was the fucking north pole outside.

Hanma takes off his jacket, throwing it at your face as he adjusts his shirt. You felt bad, all he had on was a wife-beater top, but you were about to be a popsicle so you gladly accepted it. You slipped into it, in hailing his scent with a smile as your body slowly began to warm up.

"Kisa, look." hanma whispers as kisaki looks up from his book, earning a small grunt as he went back to reading. Hanma shot him a glare as he got up from the bench, grabbing kisaki's feet and yanking them towards him. Kisaki instinctively reached out for something to grab onto, but he was still thrown off of the bench and ended right in the pile of snow.

"Hanma!" he yells, getting on his knees and pulling the tall man down with him, this time making his face plant into the snow with a grin.

"Kisaki... I know he's a bit annoying, but don't get him too cold, will ya'?" you say with a chuckle. You hear a small "fine." come from the man as he gets up, brushing his pants off with a frown as hanma sits up, snow caking his face like make-up.

You bursted out in laughter, doubling over as hanma sheepishly wipes off his face with the back of his hand. Once you and kisaki caught your breaths, you looked up at the tall man that was now standing up fully. You immediately looked back down as you eyed his chest, the snow melting with his heat to make the white see-through.

"y/nnn, can i slide into my jacket with you? It's fucking cold out here." hanma pleads, getting on his knees to beg, making you turn even redder that you had been before.

"sure.." you mumble. The jacket was huge anyway, but you weren't too sure two could fit in it. Hanma examined the jacket with a frown, realizing this too. He looked at the sleeves, noting they were reasonably larger as he stood up. He lifted you up and sat down on the bench, sliding in behind you to where you were sitting on his lap.

Kisaki sat there dumbfounded as hanma smiled, his smile growing with your every move against him.

"Hanma!" you squeak out, not being able to move as he hugged you from behind.

kisaki spoke for hanma, a faint blush coating his cheeks as he gulped, "y/n, if you keep moving..." this made you halt your movements as you realized how close and personal you were hanma, feeling the slight bulge below you as you laid back into his chest with a groan.

"really?" you deadpan as hanma shuffles around, gaining more friction as you place a stern hand on his thigh to stop him. Anyone knew when he was in the mood, you could call him an animal in heat. The pure stamina in him was already ungodly, and if he was already close with you? Geez louise

"Pack it up for today kisaki, we have to meet the others today, remember?" hanma says, changing the topic as slid out of the jacket and grabbed his bag with a scowl.

Walking to the restaurant was silent, but chifuyu ran to you and lightened the mood instantly when you all arrived.

"y/n!" he says with a smile as he engulfed you in a warm hug, ruffling your hair with a grin as takemichi waved from behind.

"So just to make sure, y/n will stay with us while y'all stop hakkai?" hanma asks, earning a nod from kisaki and takemichi as you shrink into his jacket. This wasn't going to go smoothly, was it?

----

"Can I go grab a soda?" you ask, wanting nothing more than to get away from everyone as chifuyu nods.

"Sure, but we're going to go inside, okay? stay safe." he says with a thumbs up and a grin as you nod and take off, skipping down the street as you take in the snowy cold air.

You get to the vending machine, taking your time and getting two sodas for good measure, making your way back to the church with a smile. You shoved the sodas in your pocket as you heard yelling and the sound of bikes, the color draining from your face as you ran as fast as you could. You reached the church just in time, rushing into the door and slamming it as the men outside began to pull up.

You sighed to yourself and took out the sodas, setting them on the ground so they could begin to fizz down as you turned around, finding kisaki watching the fight from afar.

"how's it going?" you ask, spooking kisaki as he turned around.

"fine." is all he says, turning back around with a frown as you stood there, puzzled why all of the sudden he was so cold.

"Something happen or..?" you say, catching his attention as he turned around.

"No. Cut the attitude, would ya?" hanma says from behind you, taking your hands into his strong grip and holding them behind your back. He didn't tie them up or anything, he just held them there as he gazed at takemichi getting pummeled.

"Let go hanma!" you exclaim, ripping your hands away and rubbing your wrists with a frown.

The three of you stood in silence, perking up when more, louder bikes approached outside.

“Should we leave now? Mikey has a way with his senses, and it won’t be good once he sees his captains beaten up like this.” kisaki asks, making it more of a retorical question as he was already heading for the exit door to the side.

“and y/n,” he says as hanma walks out, leaving just you and him in this area, “if you don’t want to get caught, i suggested you come with us.” and with that, he shuts the door, leaving you pondering the option.

You hated leaving chifuyu and takemichi, but with mitsuya, you knew they were better off already. Hakkai would eventually come around, you figured, so you pushed open the door, runninng after the two men in the distance with a frustrated huff.

”kisaki!” you yell, catching his attention as a grin spreaded on his face. you had fallen right into their hands without even realizing it. He turned around, his grin completely vanished as he stopped and waited for you to catch up.

“good choice for coming around.” he says, grabbing your hand as he jogs to catch up with hanma, pulling you along the way and ultimately in between them both.

“welcome back, sweetheart!” hanma says with a goofy grin. He always calls you that, but it was different this time as the actions done earlier in the day replayed in your head over and over again.

“hi.” is all you give him as you throw his jacket over his shoulder. He takes it and slips it back on, eyeing you the whole time as you walk down the street.

“hanma, turn, mine.” kisaki says, abruptly pushing you down an alley way to an unfamiliar part of town. You stubbled forward with a grumble yet continued to follow kisaki, hanma in the back on the lookout for other gang members.

After gettung through the alley way, hanma returned to your side and began to lead the way, taking a few more turns befor approaching a tan house. It was basic yet modern, old yet had fresh paint, it was an odd sight indeed.

“is this your house, kisaki?” you ask, glancing over just enough to catch someone out of the corner of your eye. You pushed kisaki forward, pushing him just in time to dodge the bullet as the man took off, disappearing into the shadows without a trace.

Kisaki pushed himself off of the fence with a groan and looked down, looking at the section of the fence that was been shattered to pieces.

“thanks, y/n. didn’t know i had such an enemy.” he says awkwardly as he opened the gate, unlocking the front door and kicking it open before placing the key back under a fake rock to hide it.

“make yourself at home, my parents aren’t home for the rest of the week.” he says, wandering to the kitchen to make something to eat. Hanma slips off his shoes and lays out on the couch, all too familiar with the house having been there countless time before when his fanily was gone.

You slipped off your shoes and awkwardly sat on the couch, finding it too rude to lay down dispite the tiredness overwhelming your eyes. You opted to gaze off, thinking about anyone who could have taken a shot with that good of accuracy that was an enemy of the gang. Or maybe they had been hired…no way, these gangs around here do things face to face. But what-

“earth to y/n, would you like something to eat?” kisaki’s strained voice brought you out of your trance as you shook your head and hid your face in your hands, overwhelmed with the curious gaze of both of then piercing your skull.

“c’mere~” hanma coos, patting his chest as he brushed the gel out of his hair with his hands. As much as you hated to get too comfortable without permission, a lack of sleep with this type of day did not pair well together. You hesitantly laid down on his chest, listening to his slow heartbeat as you gripped onto his shirt.

He brough his hand onto the small of your back, rubbing soothing circles as he fiddled with his hair. Eventually, you got uncomfortable and began to move around, frustrated at how toned his chest was and how uncomfortable it was.like that’s a bad thing

“darl’, you know how this will end.” he groans out, alerting you and kisaki as you sat up with a blush. You leaned back into kisaki, letting out a squeal as you giggled into his chest.

“are they against it or..?” hanma asks as kisaki shakes his head, looking down at you.

“no, i think they want it, yeah?” kisaki teases as you roll over, facing the couch with a deeper blush. There was a moment of silence before you nod, hoping no one would see it, yet to no surprise, they did and moments later, you were thrown over hanma’s shoulder and were escorted off to kisaki’s bedroom.

Hanma threw you on the bed with a grin as he and kisaki looked down at you with hungry eyes. Kisaki was truly an interesting person; one moment he was calm and collected and the next he was just as feral for sex as hanma was on the daily.

“i think they’re waiting, kisaki.” hanma deadpans as kisaki leans down, unzipping hanma’s pants with a frown. He took his cock out, stroking it a few times to get him hard before scooting away, disgusted at the feelings on his hand.

Hanma chuckles and pulled kisaki up by the collar, sitting him on the bed next to you, fiddling with kisaki’s zipper as he reaches in a drawer in search for a condom. He hums when he finds one as he turns back to you and kisaki all layed out for him.

“shit, gonna’ fill you up.” hanma says with a grunt as he shoves all the way in, watching with a drunken gaze as your head was thrown back and you screamed out his name, gripping onto the sheets and kisaki’s thigh for stability.

Kisaki laid back on the bed, turning his head to you to capture you in a small kiss, hoping he wouldn’t get a notice from the neighbors to quiet down due to ‘excessive noise’ like he had before with hanma.

For you, hanma thrusting ruthlessly and kisaki’s gentle kiss was the perfect you needed to send you over into overstimulation rather quickly. For hanma though, just the sight of you so helpless from the overstimulation next to kisaki was just enough to almost make him bust.

“you- nh- you gotta stop squeezing so hard for me, loosen up now, will ya?” hanma says with a strained laugh and a long groan as he bends over into your torso. You took his hair into both of your hands as you squirmed again, tugging on his hair with small moans emiting from your throat.

“can i have some next?”

“kisaki let me enjoy this will you?”

“… but can i get some of that?

[the-knightmare]

Rudy's Trick (Louise's Treat)

Happy Halloween! Here is my fic for the @roudiseshipweek Halloween warm up prompt cult classic/picking out costumes. I mixed the two together, and hope you enjoy:

AO3

“Come on, Rudy, the popcorns going to get cold, and I’ve listened to the Halloween theme at least five times already,” Louise called.

She had popped the bag of kernels, drizzled a liberal dose of butter and nacho cheese seasoning over the final product, and set up the DVD minutes ago. All the while Rudy was, as he has told her before disappearing down the hall, putting the ‘final touches’ on his costume for tomorrow’s party.

He had not told her what it was, even after she had pestered him all week. Not even after Louise had promised to tell him her what her, Tina, and Gene were dressing up as before they showed up to Zeke’s Halloween party. And so, Louise resorted to guessing. Each time Rudy just smiled and even if she guessed correctly, he wouldn’t tell.

“If you don’t hurry up, I’m playing the movie without you.”

“Okay, okay,” Rudy said, suddenly behind her and making her jump, “careful, you almost dropped the popcorn.”

Dramatically clutching her chest to hide just how much he had scared her in the growing dark of the evening, Louise twisted around to look up her boyfriend.

Rudy hadn’t been regular-sized since grade nine, which happened to be when Louise had stopped growing. She was the shortest Belcher, which she could live with if she weren’t also the shortest in her friend group.

“Geez, Rudy, way to sneak up on a girl. Is your costume Michael Myers or something?”

Laughing, Rudy shook his head as he sat on the couch next to her.

“I’ve never seen Halloween, or any other slashers, you know that.”

She did. Which is why they were correcting that now. Movie nights had been a staple long before they had started dating halfway through grade twelve. This being their first Halloween as a couple, Louise was determined to start Rudy’s education on classic horror movies.

“And honestly, that’s a shame.”

Neither mentioned how that was technically untrue, as Rudy had been one of the kids traumatized by a certain deli zombie flick back in fourth grade. It was something they didn’t talk about.

Hitting play. Louise settled into the couch. The bowl of popcorn was emptied before Laurie spies Michael Myers watching her from behind drying sheets, leaving an empty space between them. Louise looked at it from the corner of her eye.

“You know,” she started, “if you get scared, I’ll protect you.”

Rudy glanced up from the screen and flashed her a smile, and only said:

“I’ll remember that.

And didn’t move an inch.

Louise turned back to the movie. Watching as Annie got strangled in the garage. She wasn’t scared, she’d seen plenty of scarier movies, but Rudy seemed far away in the dark.

Without making a sound, she moved a hair closer. She kept doing this, shifting just enough to not be noticed. Her plan at getting closer without him nothing was working. Until:

“Oh man.”

Rudy had been silent most of the movie, but Laurie stabbing Michael with knitting needles got a reaction. Which would have been fine, funny even as his uneven reaction to someone being stabbed in the eye, except for Lousie’s position. She had managed to get so close that his mumble sounded much louder in her ear.

Jumping across the couch, Louise felt her face flush. Twice. That was twice tonight that she had been startled by Rudy. A guy so unscary that birds didn’t even fly away when he approached.

Laughing, Rudy turned a lamp on.

The rest of the movie passed with Louise and Rudy on the opposite sides of the couch. Occasionally, Rudy would look at her and giggle. She would respond by scowling with her tongue out in mock indignation.

When the credits finally rolled and the eerie Halloween theme filled the silence, Louise was left to think of what to say next. She was just about to suggest another scary movie when Rudy beat her to the punch.

“My mom won’t be home for another few hours. If you’re interested, we can watch Hocus Pocus next?”

“That’s not even scary,” Louise argued.

“But it’s a Halloween cult classic,” Rudy said, “and we can cuddle, I was missing it a little during the last movie.”

Louise smiled, then quickly turned it into a smirk. Even though they had been dating for almost a year now, and had been friends for much longer, she refused to acknowledge how soft she had gotten when it came to Rudy.

“Well, in that case, sure. Why not? I’ve never actually seen it anyway.”

Rudy clutched his chest dramatically, “you’ve been trying to educate me, when it seems it’s you who’s been deprived of true Halloween must-watches.”

Rolling her eyes, Louise scooted towards him on the couch.

“If you count baby movies as a must-watch, then sure, educate me.”

He assured her it was not a baby movie as he changed the discs. Settling back onto the couch, Rudy didn’t even give her a chance to move before he pulled her into his arms. Louise felt the warmth of his chest against her back and relaxed without a fight. She only squirmed a little, and that was more to settle herself better than defiance.

“Much better,” Rudy said, his voice a low vibration along her spine.

This time, the movie was watched with more of their usual chattering. Quips about the Sanderson Sister’s thinking a sprinkler system was going to kill them and how cool an immortal talking cat would be passed between them with ease.

The next day, she, Tina, and Gene showed up in their costumes, a medley of Studio Ghibli characters, to Zeke’s a little early. They had brought sliders their dad had made, and Tina had roped them into setting up. Louise had only agreed because she liked Zeke, and it seemed like a good idea to be nice to her future brother-in-law.

Zeke, dressed as Ashitaka to match Tina’s Mononoke, had promised her the ability to setup a haunted hallway equipped with all of the affects he and his cousins had put together.

She also got two full sized candy bars of their choice for the help. Which Louise wouldn’t say no to, especially when her Chihiro costume had so many pockets. Who knew working in a hot spring for spirits would have better pocket options than most regular clothes?

Gene, dressed as Howl, had been promised full control over the music. Something he was taking seriously, with a small DJ station that consisted of a laptop and speakers’ setup in a corner.

Alex and Courtney arrived soon after them. Courtney insisted on adding some songs to Gene’s playlist, which devolved into the old argument of her music major versus his natural talents and composition schooling.

“But you guys always come up with something great together, why not work together?”

Alex’s appeal was just another part in the typical argument that formed the trio’s friendship.

Louise only laughed as she passed them on her way to get Zeke’s approval on her hallway setup, only to groan when she turned the corner. Wrapped in Tina’s embrace, Zeke looked a little busy. Which meant that, with only ten minutes until more guests were supposed to arrive, that her handywork would have to do.

It also meant that she would be able to finally see Rudy’s costume.

Except he didn’t show up. At least, not in the first few minutes like he normally did for parties. Not ten minutes late, which he would smile and say made him fashionable late.  Jimmy Jr., Andy and Ollie, Kaylee, Susmita, Henry, Arnold, and the rest of the usual suspects filed through the door, but no sign of Rudy.

After twenty minutes, she found Millie and Jessica, dressed as Norman Bates and Mothman, in the corner chatting about horror movies, and joined them.

“Hey, if you wanna take a look at this, we got an illusionary visionary in the house tonight, the Amazing Rudy, and he’s kind enough to perform a trick as a treat!”

Zeke’s voice cut though the sound of conversation and music, catching Louise’s attention at the mention of her boyfriend.

“Tonight, I have one trick, a costume change from man to beast!”

Rudy’s voice had his customary magicians’ cadence, and Louise found herself smiling as she made her way towards the front of the crowd to see. It was almost like he was waiting for her to be in sight before he continued, but Louise knew that timing was a big part of an act, and it wasn’t for her benefit.

But her smile grew even more when she finally caught a glimpse of him. He looked a little silly in the green-black wig, but Rudy’s Haku costume was good. She wondered which of her siblings had told him about their costumes, since she hadn’t revealed it.

“I stand before you as a simple boy, but what you don’t know is,” Rudy raised his arms in a flourish, “my true identity is that of a river spirit!”

Shocked silence, followed by applause and cheers filled the room as Rudy dropped his arms and his costume suddenly changed into a green and white dragon, complete with a detailed mask and horns over his head.

Louise’s jaw dropped. She’d helped with some of his tricks over the years, but this was the best one yet.

“Wow, that was so cool…”

“How’d you do that?”

“…think I saw something like that on YouTube, do you follow…?”

Louise waited until the cluster of people who had swarmed around Rudy dissipated before she approached.

“Some trick, Rudes,” she said, catching his attention.

“Thanks, I made it all myself. I even got to build this cool dragon head hat to go in my collection.”

“Yeah, it is cool,” Louise agreed, “so how did you come up with the idea for your costume?”

Rudy flushed, rubbing his arm, and looking away. He stuttered out the start of an answer, but Louise just punched his arm with a laugh.

“Easy, Rudes, it’s fine. I know I said no couples’ costumes, but this makes me reconsider that. Especially when you can do cool transformations.”

After that, Jimmy Jr. pulled the attention to the dance floor with a dance-off that Gene’s sound effects only made better.

“Hey, you want climb on my back, and I can carry you like in the movie across the dance floor?” Rudy asked, after they watched the Pesto twins spin around.

“Hell yeah!”

Louise launched herself on Rudy’s back and cackled as he took off across the room. They burst into laughter after making their second crossing, Louise sliding off his back to lean against him.

The rest of the night was spent eating treats, dancing with their friends, and watching people get their pants scared off by Louise’s haunted hallway. In all, she would count it as one of the best Halloween party’s she’d gone too.

Later that night, after her shower, Louise returned to her room and saw that a photo was laying on her pillow and remembered someone had brought a polaroid camera. Picking it up, Louise smiled as she saw what it was: her, eyes closed, laughing, as Rudy carried her around on his back.

[its-not-an-s]

Lois jumped as the door bounced off the wall.

“Geeze Louise Clark! Bad day at the office?” She asked quirking a brow.

She sighed and walked over to him.

“If you put the door handle through that wall again I am not patching it.” She says patting his chest. “You okay honey?”

@a-journalist-not-a-lady

His eyes were glowing red, and he had an odd smirk on his face. "Let's go on a trip, my treat, go pack. We could use a vacation, c'mon," he tries to lead her away from the doorway, without her noticing his eyes too much. "Where do you wanna go? I'll take you anywhere"

[britannv101]

GH 8/1/24

-Freaking TJ questioning Alexis’s loyalty to Molly. IF YOU HAD LISTENED TO HER 8 MONTHS AGO,YALL WOULDNT BE IN THIS SITUATION! Damn they have turned him into a tool! Before this storyline, he never had a mean word to say about Kristina, now she’s enemy #1. Can’t wait for them to find out at about Kristina, then he’ll see just how far Alexis would go for her daughters!

-Freakin watch it be Lois that figures out what’s going on with Sonny! She’s probably the one person who’s too stubborn to let him push her out of his life.

-It’s all over for Ava now, the second Sonny and Alexis find out about Kristina they’re gonna be out for her blood! Especially when they get the photos! At this point, they’re either gonna give Avery to Sonny…or they’ll put her in foster care which will set Carly or Michael to get her. I can also see Dante stepping up but it’s more dramatic for it to be Michael and Carly cause Sonny sees them as traitors and it will kill Ava to see Avery with “Mama Carly”

-Thank God Krissy landed in the pool! Hopefully the baby is okay, chances are they’ll have her in a coma, she’ll wake up in time to deliver and forget that she was gonna give the baby to Molly and that starts a whole war!

….Im just over Jagger/Cates right now. Can he leave already? Like geez Louise, what did Karen ever see in him?! Even today, after being with Ava, he literally said he wouldn’t be caught seen with her and then acted like he owned the place when Trina was there!

[rootbeergoddess]

Barnaby: Hey, do you guys want to go get some D-E-S-S-E-R-T? Howdy: Yes, I need me a T-R-E-A-T. Wally: Watcha guys talking about? Frank: Yes, why'd you two just spell dess- Barnaby: Nononono Howdy: Shut up, don't say it. Frank: Um, why? Sally: Oh dear, how do we tell you this? Wallaford can't spell. Frank: *stares at Wally* What? Sally: He can't spell! So when we talk about something he wants, we spell it out loud so he doesn't get too excited. Frank: He's a grown man! He can't handle hearing the word 'treat'? Wally: *excited* TREAT? Barnaby: No treat. Wally: TREAT? Barnaby: No treat. Wally: *dejectedly* Aw. Frank: Okay, what is happening. Barnaby: We told, he gets excited when he hears the word T-R-E-A-T. Wally: Watcha talking about? Howdy: Taxes. Wally: Aw shucks. Frank: So what you just treat him like a toddler? Wally: *excited* TREAT? Howdy: No treat! Wally: TREAT? Howdy: No treat! Wally: TREAT? Howdy: No Treat! Wally: *even more dejected* Awwwww Sally: Frank, you must spell the word if you're talking about F-O-O-D. Frank: Okay, so are we getting a S-N-A-C-K? Wally: *excited* SNACK? Barnaby: Oh come on! Howdy: Geeze louise. Sally: Oh really, Frank? Frank: Oh come on, I spelled it! Wally: Well, he knows how to spell snack. Frank: So he can spell snack, but he can't spell treat? Wally: *excited* TREAT? Frank: No treat! Wally: TREAT? Frank: No treat!! Wally: TREAT!? Frank: NO TREAT! Wally: *frustrated* GOD DAMNIT Barnaby: Alright, he's getting fussy. It's time for an N-A-P. Wally: *happy again* Yeah! Frank: What does N-A-P spell? Wally: Party.