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starlitangels · 2 years ago

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If It’s a Lie (I Don’t Care)

So. If y’all haven’t read my Bastard Warrior high-school-English-style essay (<- link), you’re probably not going to be aware of what musings of mine inspired this... maybe go give it a read? (The TL;DR is that Albus’ subconscious put him in a fantasy instead of his happiest memory, like Devlin was in, because Albus doesn’t have happy memories. I was confused why Faithful didn’t feature in the fantasy considering he’s so in love with her and knew exactly how to make the fantasy even happier for him) 5.8k words (holy sh!+ this one got away from me. I was expecting 2.2k)

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“Alright, I know you don’t really need to hear this from me, but… please, be careful,” Devlin said, eyes flicking between me and his younger brother lying on the medical bay gurney. “I’ll keep an eye on everything out here.”

I nodded and set the Key against Albus’ forehead, feeling the sinkhole of psychic power drag me into unconsciousness.

—

Quiet grunts and a gentle sigh were the first thing I heard as I emerged into Albus’ mind. My eyes were closed and I was pleasantly warm. Everything around me was soft and I was lying down.

“Good morning, princess,” a familiar voice said quietly.

My eyes flew open.

“Albus!” I whisper-shouted, scrambling to get over to him, realizing I was under sheets and blankets, before throwing my arms around him as best I could.

“Oof,” he muttered as I impacted against him, holding tight. “Is… everything alright, darling?” He held onto me in the hug, but slowly released me, leaning back to look me in the eye, and I started to take stock of where we were.

Albus was lying beside me, shirtless, in a bed of white sheets and fuzzy blankets. His hair and beard were tidier than I’d ever seen them before—and the scars on his face were gone. Instead he sported a new one on his left temple that wasn’t even half the length of his real facial scars. His warm, dark eyes held concern in them, but none of the anger I’d come to recognize every time I looked at him. They were more open and honest than I’d ever seen them. There were no walls. No guards he had in place between him and the rest of the world.

His bare chest and arms had a peppering of small scars too, but not the ones I’d patched up from the demon when we first met, or every injury I’d bandaged since.

I realized I wasn’t wearing anything either. Not even a nightdress or a slip. The sheets covered my modesty but I could feel them against every inch of bare skin that I usually kept covered by clothing. My heart started pounding.

“Everything’s… everything’s fine. I’m just happy to see you,” I said.

He scrunched his eyebrows. “You saw me last night when we went to bed,” he said in a tone that sounded like he was trying to politely point out something obvious. He lifted a hand and pressed the back of it to my forehead. “Are you feeling alright?”

I shoved his hand off my head. “I’m fine,” I retorted. Then my eyes caught sight of a flash of light.

There was a bright gold ring on his ring finger.

His left ring finger.

He smiled at me when I shoved his hand away. “There she is,” he said. “There’s the woman I love.” He removed his wrist from my hands and trailed the backs of his fingers down the side of my face before moving them to trace idle patterns over my shoulder. “You had me worried for a moment there.”

I looked around, taking in our surroundings.

What… what was this? Where were we? I was in his head, sure, but this place looked and felt real. When I’d delved into Devlin’s mind, I’d seen… glitches. Wavering in the scenery. Tricks to reveal the workshop was just a memory.

But this place looked nothing like anywhere in our world. The architecture was wrong—I’d never seen wood the shade of the planks used to make the walls. This wasn’t a reflection of our home-world.

This wasn’t his happiest memory, as Devlin’s had been.

“Where… where are we?” I asked tentatively.

His eyebrows knitted together again. “Our… bedroom?”

Our?!

I didn’t say that out loud, but I couldn’t stop my eyebrows from arching in surprise and confusion.

“Are you sure you’re alright? Why are you acting like this is new?” Albus sat up just enough to perch on his elbow and look down at me. I’d seen him shirtless before when I’d patched him up a few times, but this time with him actually conscious I tried much harder than usual to not stare. The conspicuous lack of the Bastard’s Mark over his heart was throwing me off just as much as everything else. “Darling? Are you having nightmares again?”

My first instinct was to snap at him to cut it out with the pet names—but the words died on my tongue. The concern on his face—the way his eyes looked at me…

Visceral memories of Knight-Captain Bran threatening me at the Wall of Dawn and the terror on Albus’ face shot through my head.

I swallowed and hid myself under the white sheet. “Kind of,” I said quietly, still trying to figure out what was happening.

With some shuffling, Albus climbed under the sheet himself.

“There’s no ‘kind of’ with nightmares. Either you are, or you aren’t,” he said sharply. And for a moment, the softness and tenderness vanished, leaving behind the rough, sarcastic tone I was used to. Then his eyebrows twitched and the rest came back. “I… I don’t know why I said that. Forgive me.”

Before I could say anything, heavy pounding resounded off the door. “Do you two plan on getting up while it’s still morning?”

At this point, I’d know Devlin’s voice anywhere—and that was definitely him.

Albus rolled his eyes. That much, at least, was familiar. He rolled over to face the door. “We’re already awake, brother!”

“Well then how about you consider getting out of bed and—”

“Dev, are you really going to interrupt a husband and wife who finally get a lazy morning to themselves?” Albus snapped.

A who and a who?!

I looked down at my hand. Albus was wearing a ring, I’d seen that. I wasn’t though.

I didn’t know how to describe the noise Devlin made. It was almost akin to a squeak. “O-oh. Well. Then. I’ll… leave you to it. Come downstairs when you’re ready.”

Footsteps thudded down some stairs nearby.

Albus sighed and glanced at me, both of us still under the bedsheet like children playing in a blanket fort. “I know it was my idea to live at the inn and help my brother run it but if I’d known he was going to be this nosy, I probably wouldn’t have ever suggested it. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” I said automatically. But also because Albus apologizing felt weird.

“Still. Feel like I should.” He inhaled and then slowly breathed out. “So… kiss and then get ready to head downstairs for the day?”

Kiss? Kiss?! First the husband and wife thing and now—

“Yeah.”

Maybe it was better to play along for the moment? I didn’t know how long Albus’ body had back in the real world and whether time moved slower here—the way it did in dreams. How long could I put off the reality check?

Albus shuffled over the mattress to be closer to me. I tried to relax into the kiss, but couldn’t.

The second he pulled away, I rolled over so I was facing away and peeked out from under the sheet at the floor beside the bed.

Oh, thank the gods, I thought.

My usual clothing—that I did recognize from home—sat in a pile on the floor.

I slipped out of the bed and started pulling on my underthings first. Keeping my back to Albus and trying to keep my modesty as covered as possible.

I heard the blankets and sheets get thrown off and then Albus’ chuckle. “Trying to hide, princess?”

I scowled.

“C’mon. We’ve been married for a year. There’s no need to be modest,” Albus said. There was no sarcasm in his words. Just gentle encouragement.

I scooped up my shirt and temple tunic, pulling them on one after the other. Under them sat the necklace chain with the shiny ring Albus usually wore but I’d put on after the heartripper attack. I slung it over my head and tucked it down the front of my tunic. It brushed against my shirt’s lace ring with a metallic shing!

“Did you say something?” Albus asked.

I shook my head. “No.”

“Mm. Strange. Thought you did.”

More shuffling of fabric behind me and I heard feet hit the wooden floor. I widened my eyes at the ground and made a point of not looking behind me as I shimmed my socks up my legs. Once they were in place, I was fully clothed. So I went to the small vanity in the corner of the bedroom and fixed up the rest of my appearance with the tarnishing mirror, taming my bedhead and then making sure my hair was taken care of the way I usually had it.

Albus wrapped his arms around me from behind, burying his nose in my neck and inhaling deeply. “You forgot your ring,” he said. One of his hands twisted so his palm faced upward and revealed a gold ring with a small, vibrant blue sapphire set on it.

I took it from his hand and slid it onto my finger. It was a perfect fit. I stared at it for a moment, ignoring his bare skin in the reflection of the mirror. “Thanks,” I said softly. I slipped out of his embrace and headed for the door. “I’ll see you downstairs?”

“Yeah. See you downstairs.” He sounded a bit confused but I dodged out of the room before he could ask any more questions.

I stopped halfway down the stairs, hand on the railing, and blinked hard several times.

There was no way I’d be able to keep up any charade—and Albus needed to come back. He was dying and I had to save him. This little fantasy was just that—a fantasy. And Devlin and I needed him back in the real world.

I sucked in a deep breath and sighed before finishing my path down the stairs.

Where I spilled out into a tavern. Mostly empty, apart from Devlin behind the bar.

“Oh. Good morning. I thought you two were going to be another hour, at least,” he greeted when he saw me.

I bit my tongue for a moment. “Nope,” I said.

He hummed, looking a little red around the ears, wiping out glass steins with a towel in his hand. His… his hand.

“Your hand,” I said quietly.

“What about it?” He looked down at it.

“It’s flesh and blood.”

“Of course it is… why wouldn’t it be? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” I insisted. “I’m getting a little sick of being asked that this morning.”

Devlin arched his eyebrows. “I’m sorry. You’re just acting a little strange.”

“Compared to what?” I asked snappishly.

“Well, you and Albus have been living here for nearly a year. I think I have a fairly solid idea of your usual behavior.”

I’m sure you would if you were real, I thought. Instead I just rolled my eyes. “Whatever,” I muttered. I went to the bar of the tavern and leaned against it, watching Devlin’s normal hand—not his forgemaster prosthetic—wipe down the glass. He had the sleeves of his shirt rolled above his elbows. There were a few scars on his knuckles and freckles all the way down his arm.

Heavy footsteps thundered down the stairs. Albus emerged, stretching his arms and back. “Morning Dev,” he greeted.

“Good morning,” Devlin replied blithely. “Sorry for interrupting your morning… activities.”

I dropped my head to look down at the bar with wide eyes, pursed lips, and the fire of embarrassment burning everywhere at the implication—while Albus burst out laughing. I heard his boots click against the wooden floor and he draped himself over my back. Wrapping his arms around me and planting his chin on my shoulder. “You weren’t interrupting anything like that, promise,” Albus said. “We were just talking. Enjoying the peace and quiet for a while. Right, princess?” He tilted his head and planted a kiss in the spot where my cheekbone met my temple.

“Mmhmm,” I muttered.

“Aw, Dev. You’ve embarrassed her,” Albus chided playfully.

“Apologies. I was trying to be delicate,” Devlin said.

“It’s fine,” I mumbled.

Albus chuckled again and gave me a squeeze. “So, darling. Day off for the two of us. What do you want to do with it?”

I spun around in his arms to face him—completely unable to break his grip if I tried—and paused before I could cut to the chase. I’d never seen him in any colors other than blacks and greys. The creamy off-white linen shirt and brown trousers made his dark hair stand in much starker contrast than usual.

It was actually quite the fetching look on him.

I stared for a few solid seconds, eyes roaming the way the shirt clung to his shoulders and arms but the laces up the front were open halfway down his chest.

A slow, smug smile crept its way up Albus’ face. “Mm. Should we go back to our room after all?”

Devlin, to his credit, turned his bark of laughter into a cough.

There was that fire of embarrassment again. No time to think about that now, I thought sharply to myself. Shoving all the mortifying thoughts down.

“Actually, Albus,” I started, “I was hoping to talk to you about something.”

Albus sighed. “Okay. I’m all yours,” he said.

“Let’s go sit down.” I wrapped his forearm in both my hands and tugged him over to a corner booth in the otherwise-empty tavern. He followed me without resisting. But instead of sitting opposite me like I indicated, he sat next to me. “Albus… this is going to… to be hard to hear. But there’s no point in me pretending.”

“Darling, what are you talking about?”

“Just let me explain, alright?” I asked entreatingly, trying to curb my attitude. I set my hand on top of his on the table and threaded my fingers between his. The calluses weren’t as thick or hard here as they were in the real world. “This… this is a dream. None of this is real. We’re from a place called New Tennessee. You and I haven’t been married for a year. I met you about a month ago in a region called the Far Eastern Faithlands.”

Albus’ eyes widened as I spoke and he shook his head. “Don’t… no. Don’t do this to me. Please,” he breathed. His hand tensed under mine.

“I’m sorry, Albus. I have to.” I blinked and felt a pair of warm trails slide down my face as tears fell. “Where we’re really from, we’re both paladins. You’re a warrior, I’m a temple attendant. And… and in the real world, you’re a bastard…”

I kept explaining, watching denial stitch itself into the lines of Albus’ face.

“You’re lying,” he said when I was done. “I just can’t figure out why.”

“Then what’s the truth?”

“I’ll tell you. I was born in Trents. My father taught me to fight when I was a kid and my mother taught me to keep my nose clean. When I was old enough, I joined my brother’s platoon and journeyed across Queria until he decided to take up work outside of combat. I was his right-hand at the time so I was given the position of knight-captain. We settled here, and that’s when I met you. I courted you for just under a year and then just under a year ago we got married and we’ve been living here helping Devlin run this place when I’m not out on patrol.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes with a sigh. That sounded like a nice life. The kind he deserved after all the pain he’d been through. The pain I’d put him through, and whatever he’d experienced before we met that he was so reticent to talk about. But it wasn’t his life. Not his real one.

“I… I’m sorry, Albus. But I’m not lying to you. I wouldn’t lie to you about something like this. I… I have lied to you before. I didn’t tell you that my brother had kidnapped a child at first. But I would never lie about something like this. Please, Albus.” I squeezed his hand gently.

“No. No—stop it!” He ripped his hand away from mine and shoved out of the booth, stumbling across the tavern floor and nearly crashing into a table. The motion of him pulling away jerked me after him. I hissed in pain—and when I looked up, Albus was staring at me. Wide-eyed. His gaze was on… my chest?

I looked down. No. Not my chest.

His ring had fallen out from under my tunic with getting yanked forward.

“What is that?” His voice went hard and sharp. “Where did you get that ring?”

Promising. “Have you seen it before?”

“Yes. But I… I don’t know where.” He kept staring at it.

Devlin was watching us from the bar, but was no longer pretending to wipe out steins.

I swallowed to try and steady myself. “Do you want to hold it?” I asked gently.

Albus blinked finally, but there was a glaze on his eyes. Almost like he was entranced. “Y… yeah.”

I slung the thick, heavy chain off over my head and held it out. Albus took the chain first, and carefully lowered the ring onto his hand.

The lights in the tavern all darkened to near-blackness before flaring back full force as a pulse of energy rippled out from the point where Albus’ hand touched the ring’s bright metal.

Albus lurched backward, letting go of the chain. My hand lashed out and snatched it from the air before it could fall. A reflex I hadn’t actually expected to work. But was pleasantly surprised when it did.

“Albus? Albus, what’s wrong?” Devlin’s voice demanded—but over Albus’ shoulder, his body faded and vanished as his voice got softer and further away.

Albus whirled to see the last vestiges of Devlin disappearing. “Devlin—Devlin, where did you go?” His looked around wildly, as if Devlin would just pop up elsewhere. The tavern shifted—losing some of its luster, almost going grey. The light dimmed a bit. “What—what’s going on?!” He shot a look at me. “It’s you, isn’t it? This is your doing!”

I slid out of the booth. “Albus,” I said placatingly, holding my hands out, palms toward him, in a gesture meant to show I meant no harm. The chain of his necklace was caught between my thumb and around my forefinger. “Albus, please.”

He jerked and recoiled farther away. “No—get away from me!” He shoved away from the table he’d stumbled into and ran for the front door of the tavern, nearly ripping it off its hinges in his haste to open it.

Despite the sun still streaming through the windows, there was a solid wall of stone blocking the door.

Albus stared. “A wall,” he said. Bitter amusement in the scoff that followed. I didn’t move from where I’d stood from the booth. He didn’t bother shutting the tavern door. Just looked at me. Pain echoed in those dark eyes. “Don’t do this to me, darling. We—we’re happy here, aren’t we?” His gaze flicked between my eyes and the ring on his hand.

I closed my eyes. “Albus, please just listen to me,” I said.

“Listen, I don’t know what it is you want from me, but I want nothing to do with it!” His voice got louder until he was shouting. “Do you understand? I’m no one’s slave!” Shock and confusion creased his eyebrows. “Gods above. I don’t even know what I’m saying! S-slave? Is that what I am? Or—or what I was—to you?!”

Before I could tell him no, never, he shook his head hard and shoved his hands into his thick, dark hair.

“No. That’s not it—that’s not it, right? I… I… I’m in love with you, aren’t I?” He swallowed. “That… that hasn’t changed. I love you. I do.” He met my eyes. “Darling, please. Make it stop. All of this—please.”

“I wish I could. This is such a beautiful life. It’s the one you deserve. Even without me in it.”

“No—no, I… I want you here. I’m happy with you, here. We have a good life together. We’re happy. We’re in love. I don’t—stay back!”

I froze where I’d taken an entreating step forward, but kept my hands low with my palms out.

“Don’t you know who you’re talking to? I’m Albus York! I’ll kill you just for looking at me funny!” He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists in his hair, pulling at the roots but not ripping them out. “Wait. That’s not who I am. I—” He looked around the tavern before his dark, heavy gaze landed on me again. “Stop, please. Whatever joke you’re playing on me, my princess, stop it. Oh gods—I can’t remember!”

He stomped around the tavern in a tight circle before marching over to me and cradling my face in both hands.

“Sweetheart. Please. Whatever’s happening—just stop it. We can stay here. We can be happy. Together. Just you and me being—” He laughed, but it was sorrowful. “—being annoyed by Devlin on a lazy morning. I love you. I don’t—I don’t want—I can’t lose this.” He stared pleadingly into my eyes.

I reached up as though to take his hand in mine and he pulled away again. “Don’t come near me with that ring! It’s evil! I want nothing to do with it!”

“Do you remember where it came from?” I asked.

“No. No I don’t! Don’t even try to—” He bent double, eyes slamming shut, muttering under his breath, “Yeah, I found this ring back in my training stash… no idea where it came from… not sure what but… it felt special to me… so I kept it…” He shook his head like he was trying to dislodge his brain out his ears. Grabbing at his head and recoiling. “Stop it, stop it, stop!” He panted and I wished I could help him, but didn’t want to aggravate him further. “You can’t do this to me. Please, darling. Don’t make me lose this. Don’t… don’t make me lose you.”

“Albus…” I whispered, moving to reach for him and faltering as I caught sight of the ring still dangling from my hand. Albus stared at it.

“It’s like it doesn’t belong anywhere… it doesn’t fit in…” he whispered. I remembered the words from when we were at his mentor’s grave. “Why—darling why? Why are you doing this? Why do you want to hurt me?” He kept holding his head, digging his fingertips into his scalp.

“I don’t want to hurt you. But I need you to come home! This place, this life. It’s not real.”

“Not… not real? What are you talking about? This place is very real! The air, the atmosphere, these tables and chairs—the bar! I can touch them. They’re all real!”

“I wish they were. I wish this was the life you had. But it’s like how dreams feel real while we’re in them. And then we wake up and see everything not right about them.”

He made a face of utter contempt. “Sticking to your story, are you? Fine. Maybe I believe you, huh? Maybe—maybe none of this is real. But I don’t care!” There was a gleam in his eyes of terror and sorrow and anger. He was breathing hard. “The world we come from—from what little I remember from it—it… it… it runs on lies. And blood!”

His hands balled into fists and snapped downward, smashing against a table.

“But this right here. This… this lie you found me in. There’s no blood here. There’s nothing here—there’s none of that! There’s just you and me and my brother—and all of us are happy.” He unclenched his fists and cradled my face again. “Darling, I don’t want to go. I beg you, on my knees—” He dropped to his knees as hot tears ran down my face. “—please. Just let me live this lie. Let me be happy here, with you. Let me fall asleep and wake up beside you, even if it’s only a dream. Let me laugh with my brother. Let me stare at you while we both hide from the morning sunlight under the bedsheet.”

He sniffed hard and blinked a pair of tears from his own eyes.

“For the first time in my life I… I finally… felt… I finally felt like… like I wasn’t a monster! Like people wanted me around! Like they weren’t ashamed of me! Tell me, in that other world, who’s got my back, huh?” My mouth hung agape, unsure how to answer. “No one! Not even you! And even if somehow you did, I’d push you away. That’s who I am in that world, isn’t it? The kind of man who has to distance himself from everyone because… because I’ve been hurt! So many times!” His head fell forward, almost giving him the appearance of a knight kneeling in prayer before going off to battle. But far more desolate and hopeless. “What kind of life is that?” His voice had gone soft. I doubted he’d shouted himself out yet, he was just losing the energy to care.

“Albus…” I knelt opposite him, tucking the ring into the pocket of my clothes so it wouldn’t be visible anymore. I held his face in both my hands, rubbing my thumb over his cheekbone.

He met my eyes. “Please, please, darling. Please don’t take me away from this. Let me live this. Here. With you. Even if it’s not really you. Please.” His body started to shake with sobs. I wiped a tear with my thumb on another pass over his cheekbone. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine. I tilted my head so our noses could touch.

“Would that I could,” I whispered, sniffling against my own falling tears.

The electricity in the lights crackled and the sun through the windows faded. The whole tavern grew dim as Albus flinched in surprise, retreating away from the contact of our heads to look around. “What was that? Why are the lights dimmer? What’s going on?”

“Albus, you’re…” I didn’t know how to say it. I closed my eyes, pressing out more warm tears.

“I’m dying. Aren’t I?” he asked. I nodded. He huffed. “That’s why you’re here.” It was a statement, not a question. “You came here to… to save me.” He lifted a hand and cupped my cheek for just a moment before his eyes looked at where his ring had disappeared from his finger and his hand fell back to his lap. He slumped to the side so he was sitting rather than kneeling. I copied the motion. “Forgive me if I’m not exactly grateful. It seems I have to choose. Between living in Hell, or dying. What kind of choice is that?” He swallowed. His breath shook in and out of his lungs. “Maybe I should just die. I wouldn’t have to deal with this pain anymore.”

I gasped quietly.

“No… no I…” He swore sharply under his breath. “I can’t bring myself to do that. I can’t die. Why? Why—what’s holding me back?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I said honestly.

He met my eyes again. “Tell me, in that other world… is there anything—anything—that keeps me going? Is there anything I’m fighting for?”

I stared into his eyes. My shoulders lifted slightly in a shrug. “I don’t know,” I repeated, barely a breath.

He scoffed, and then laughed bitterly. “My gods. That’s it, isn’t it? All this time—fighting for a reason to live and that’s it.” He huffed. “It’s cute. You don’t know what I’m talking about, do you? Me neither, to be honest.”

“Please come home,” I whispered. “I don’t know how much longer we have.” I looked around at the dimly-lit tavern. “I don’t know how much longer you have.”

He sighed. “I get it. You can stop trying. I’ll come back. But… before I do…” He met my eyes. I was waiting for him to say something about having a drink from this fancy bar, but he just stared.

“Before you do… what?” I prompted.

He lifted his hands to cradle my face again. His calluses were softer than they were in the real world. He swallowed thickly, holding my gaze with those deep, dark eyes.

“Tell me you love me—I don’t care if it’s a lie.”

The smile on his face was heartbroken and sorrowful and his eyes were still shining with tears.

“Albus…”

“No one will ever have to know. Hell, I don’t know if I’ll even remember any of this if-slash-when I wake up—”

I cut him off by lurching forward and planting my lips on his.

He made a noise of surprise before I leaned back to meet his gaze again. His lips were parted and his eyes widened. We were both breathing heavily, staring. I was a bit shocked that I’d done that, and I was even more shocked that he’d let me.

Our eyes flicked to each other’s lips at the same time—

And we were crashing back together. Grabbing at fistfuls of one another’s clothing in a desperate attempt to pull each other closer. One of his arms held me around the shoulders, the other my waist. Mine wrapped around his neck and my hands slid into his hair. Softer than I would have expected.

We kissed on the floor of the tavern until our heads started to spin and I withdrew.

“I love you, Albus,” I breathed. “I don’t know if that’s a lie or not, to be honest.”

“I don’t care.” He pulled me close for one more kiss. This one soft and tender. Gentler than I had ever seen him. I sighed into it. He pulled back and rested his forehead against mine. “It’s not just me. He does too. The other me. He won’t tell you that, so… I’m gonna do it for him.”

I remembered the manic look on his face when he told me that after he shot himself out of a broadsword cannon. “He’d be so angry if he found out you told me,” I said softly.

He smirked. “So what if he gets mad at me? What’s he gonna do, give me a stern talking-to?” He snickered. Then his face went serious. “But, uh… yeah. He loves you. A lot as well.”

“How much?” I could have asked something else, but couldn’t think of anything else.

He smiled. “Well, I’ll tell you.” He cupped the side of my face and brushed his thumb gently over my cheek. “He looks at you… and he sees an angel. And he won’t make a move. Because… he’s unworthy of you.”

I closed my eyes. “That’s not true. You’re worthy of so much more than you think. You’re worth so much more than you think. I care about you. I can’t lose you.”

“You’re a lot stronger than he or me—whatever I am.”

“That’s not true either. I can’t… I can’t even fight.”

“You don’t have to fight to be strong, darling. Being strong is sticking to your beliefs no matter what. Which makes you stronger than Albus. Bastard can’t even die right.” He sighed and pressed his forehead to mine. “Maybe this fantasy is no way to live after all,” he whispered. He lifted the ring out of my pocket by where its chain had been dangling out of it and slung it on over his head.

A sob shook his body. “I don’t want to go back. I know I said I would but I—I don’t—” His breathing shuddered. “I don’t want to—” He stumbled over an apology.

“Hey. Hold my hand?” I asked.

Without protesting, he slid his fingers between mine and brought my knuckles up to his lips, pressing a kiss to them. A tear fell on our intertwined fingers. “Oh gods above—I’m such a baby,” he hissed.

“There’s nothing wrong with sorrow, Albus. It was given to us by the gods so that we’d also know joy.”

He shook his head with a sharp inhale and glanced around at the tavern. “This place. It’s nice. Lot of good memories here. Though I suppose none of them are real.” He sighed. “This life with you. This dream. A… a fantasy of the both of us being in love and married… could you, uh… could you do me a favor? Remember it for me, please? I don’t know if I will.”

“I don’t know either. But of course I’ll remember it for you. This is a beautiful life. Maybe you’ll find something similar to it, one day.”

“Just maybe not with you?” There was a hint of his sarcastic teasing in that tone.

I blinked a few times. “You never know. But I’ll remember this for you.”

“Thank you. In that case, let me give you something to remember me by.”

He pulled me close and we shared another kiss. Tender but desperate. I threaded my fingers of my free hand into his hair and held him close to me.

Albus pulled away first. “I love you, my darling.”

“I love you too, Albus.” Still wasn’t sure if I was lying, but knowing he needed to hear it.

A touch of mirth danced in his eyes. His lopsided smirk tugged on the corner of his mouth.

“I’ll see you soon, faithful.”

A tear fell out of my eye at the nickname I never thought I’d miss.

—

I woke up with a gasp, sitting up from the chair next to the gurney Albus was in. The heartrate monitor was still beeping.

“Sister? Are you okay?” Devlin asked. I nodded, a bit breathless. Devlin sighed with relief. “I was worried. It looks like his vitals are stabilizing. You did it, sister!” I tried to smile, but my mind was still back in that dream. “So… I… hesitate to ask but… how was it? Were you safe?”

I thought about the tavern. The soft bedsheets and the morning sunlight. A pair of gold rings glinting. The kisses. “Better than I thought,” I said wistfully.

“Well, that’s good at least. I really am glad you’re safe, sister. Having you around… it really makes me feel a lot stronger. Just something I noticed when you weren’t around. I wanted to say something sooner but… well. You know. I, uh… I was wondering… if we—no, when we—get out of this place, maybe we can—”

“Ugh. If you’re gonna start making out, can you do it somewhere else?” a familiar, gruff, grumpy voice grumbled.

“Albus!” Devlin and I exclaimed at the same time, whirling to see him trying to sit up.

—

Tagging the GB peeps who I think would enjoy: @palilious @gwenifred @zozo-01 @halscafe @ryn-halo26 @staplesmainbitch @miloeveryday38

#Good Boy Audios #fic #female reader #goodboyaudios #GBA BW #GBA Bastard Warrior #GBA Albus #GBA Faithful #GBA Devlin #Starlit Fic #GB's version is better for the story #mine is worse on the heartstrings i hope #Good Boy Audios Fanfic #Good Boy Audios Fanfiction #Albus York #Devlin York

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