#gay ppl in my phone.... i love u
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part one, part two, part three. this a part four. this is so accidentally long but hickies as promised, w a brief return out touch starved steve <3 mwah!
Eddie is sure his kiss tastes of uncertainty.
He canāt help the way his lips betray his nervousness in their obvious restraint. He knows he had been far more enthusiastic last night, eagerness behind every kiss. This kiss isā¦ softer. Shyer.
He canāt help it. Because even though Steve said yes, had maybe flattened Eddieās heart by adding a please, Eddieās stillā¦ unsure. Still worried. Still waiting for a punch to come because thatās what happens to boys who kiss boys.
Butā¦ Steveās hands are still holding onto Eddieās wrists, keeping them in their place where they cup Steveās face so gently. When Eddie had leaned in, lips grazing Steveās, he had felt the otherās tightening grip like a silent prayer, saying come close, stay close. Even now, the grip around Eddieās wrists holds firm.
Though itās the last thing he wants, Eddie breaks the kiss. He draws back, savouring the moment ā the sweetness of Steveās lips for what might be the final time ā with his eyes shut tight. Did I do it right this time? He thinks, he hopes. Can I kiss you and keep you?
āIāmā¦ā Steve starts, his voice a whisper. Eddieās eyes open. His fingers flex along Steveās jaw instinctively. āReally confused.ā Steve admits quietly.
His face is reserved. Only slight ripples of anxiety peek through. The crinkle between his brows speaks of his abundance of confusion. Eddieās eyes drink in every expression and he canāt stop help how his eyes catch back on Steveās lips. He stares when Steve speaks.
āI thought youā I thought you didnāt wantā¦ā
āDidnāt want this?ā Eddie echoes, with a tone of incredulity, eyes darting back up to look Steve in the eye. He punctuates the last word with another touch, the pad of his thumb touching Steveās bottom lip bravely.
Steve shivers. His eyes flutter for a moment, in a way Eddie has come to know means his strange aversion to touch is flaring up but ā but Steveās hands keep Eddie from moving away when he tries. Steve nods slowly.
Eddie swallows ā tries to push down the ache to kiss him again. Theyāre still twisted; Steve still doesnāt get it.
Neither does Eddie though. He canāt even imagine what Steve came over to apologise for. What mental gymnastics he had put himself through to somehow be the one who needs to apologise in this situation.
āWhere the fuck,ā Eddie breathes softly, with an appalled chuckle, letting Steve know he wasnāt mad. Wasnāt in the slightest bit annoyed, only confused. āDid you get that idea?ā
Beneath his hands, Eddie can feel Steveās cheeks grow hotter. The colour soon follows, a glorious crimson that fills the apples of his cheeks. And sure, fine, okay, sue Eddie if he enjoys the sight a little too much. Steve all flushed in the face, ears definitely warmer than they were a second ago.
Steve starts to stammer. āYouā You sounded annoyed when I was leaving.ā His brows are nearly touching in the middle, drawn together in concern. āI thought you were regrettingāā
Eddie interrupts to clarify, suddenly aware of where theyād gotten so muddled. āI sounded annoyed because you were leaving, Steve. Notā¦ā
Not because you asked for a kiss. Eddieās throat dries up. He canāt say it aloud, not just yet. The words dance on the tip of his tongue. Eddie doesnāt trust himself not to fumble them.
Even though, Steveās sudden departure had been due to a genuine misunderstanding, Eddie canātā heās notā¦ Heās got to be realistic with himself, just in case. Not say too much too soon.
Steve reads into the silent lull in Eddieās words and in an instant, his eyes are widening in understanding. Somehow, his cheeks glow even warmer.
āOh,ā Steve says, the word doused in relief, in understanding. āOh my godāā
The rest of his sentence is lost as a car drives by, tires groaning loudly along the tar road. It serves as a quick reminder of where they are. In public, in such close proximity. Eddie steps back instantly, hands ripping away from Steve as a lick of panic runs up his spine. His eyes track the pale blue car down the road.
They were covered by the van but, still.
āCāmon,ā Steve says softly, calling to catch his attention.
The panic wavers wildly for a moment before eventually relenting, Eddie dropping his shoulders as he turns back to Steve. Heās delighted to find Steve is no less red in the face.
Steve clears his throat, āWe can call a tow back at yours.ā
He gestures to his car, an invitation, with a smile. Eddieās not even sure heās meant to say something so reassuring; a mixture of the use of we and the implication Steve would come back home with him. Would come inside.
Eddie canāt help how he ogles at Steve. Heās doing another once-over to make sure Steve isnāt a mirage about to fade. Maybe Eddie had actually crashed his van when the engine spluttered on him and all this was a weird and extremely vivid coma dream.
Except, Steve doesnāt look perfect ā not like a dream would.
Eddie can tell from the flatness of his hair, he likely didnāt sleep well. Heās got a tired but kind smile on. Itās shyer than Eddieās ever seen before.
Heās still wearing that bright green Family Video vest for Christās sake ā if Eddie was in a coma, he had some serious self-reflection to do if his brain picked this as his dream-Steve fit.
āYeah,ā Eddie says, with a nod and a smile of his own. āLemme, uh, lemme just grab my stuff.ā
Eddie turns to hide his face before Steve can see it grow into a wild frenzied smile, too gleeful to contain. He pops the driverās side door and scurries around, grabbing all the essentials; cigarettes, lighters, and tapes with actual good music on them.
Steveās waiting for him, still in the same spot when he slides the door shut. Eddie works the rusted lock to lock it up. No, Eddie thinks gleefully, this is not a dream.
-
Steve is surprised itās not more awkward.
Not that he wants thatā honestly, this sweet in-between phase where Eddie keeps glancing over at him, brown eyes longing and like he was checking if Steve was still there, as he talked on the phone, suited Steve just fine. More than fine.
And yeah, okay, maybe Steve swooned a bit when Eddie started twirling the cord of the phone, so much like a lovey-dovey teenage girl that Steve nearly laughed aloud. He wasnāt sure if Eddie even realised he was doing it. Just leant up against the wall, stealing glances at Steve ā his fingers fiddling with the cord til they began looping it over and over.
Steve wouldnāt thoughā laugh at Eddie, that is. It feels pretty much impossible to do anything except sit with all his giddiness, just knowing thatā¦ his feelings for Eddie are mutual.
That Eddie hadnāt regretted the kisses in the slightest. That Eddie had wanted Steve for just as long.
Itās achingly sweet to look back on that first hug Steve had asked for ā knowing they had both been toeing the line, trying desperately to keep their pining to themselves. Idiots, Steve scoffs to himself affectionately, they were both idiots.
Rerunning the memory of his hasty exit last night is less of a breezy memory. Steve doesnāt want to think too hard about what malicious ideas Eddieās brain might have spun up to taunt himself.
He mustāve thought that Steve had left for entirely worse reasons. That the reason Steve hadnāt been able to look at him because he thought Eddie wasā¦ that he regrettedā¦ Steve shakes his head. None of those thoughts are pretty.
And, more importantly, they were untrue. Steve very much liked those kisses. His only regret that night was leaving the way he did. Honest, Steve would have more kisses if he could.
Something scorches across his heart delightfully because he can have more kisses ā he just has to ask.
āOkay, thank you so much,ā Eddie says appreciatively into the receiver. He dashes another look over at Steve, an apology in the form of his sorry grimace. He focuses back on the phone. āYeah, Iāll be in tomorrow to see the damage. Thanks, again.ā
He sets the phone back in the cradle and for a moment, Steve canāt see his face. Canāt see any of the nervous contemplation. Eddie finally seems to grasp his courage and spins, fixing Steve with a smile.
āUm,ā He says, a nervous chuckle leaking through. Eddie moves closer but he moves all skittish, one of his sneakers catching on nothing. He stumbles just a bit, taking a quick seat on the couch arm beside Steve.
āWhāā Eddie starts to say. He huffs another nervous chuckle, one hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck. āThis might be a stupid question but whatā¦ now?ā
Steve thinks for a moment. Heās considering how to go about this when Eddie blurts out in a hopeful toneā āMore kissing?ā
Thereās an unspoken please. Steve revels in the blush that follows the words.
He smirks up at Eddie, eyes tracing the bloom of pink on his cheeks. āWhat? On the couch, like Iām some common whore?ā
āYou seemed to have no problem with it last time, my liege.ā Eddie points out dramatically, all with a grin.
āAnd I have no intention of repeating last time.ā Steve counters. Then frowns.
āWell, except for the good part.ā He corrects himself. āThe first part! Just- Christ, can we go to your room instead, please?ā
Eddieās on his feet in an instant. He brings his hand up to his forehead and gives a salute with enough force to rip his arm off. Then marches down the hall and disappears into his room without waiting for Steve.
Steve thinks the nerves might be getting to him.
He walks the steps heās walked a hundred times before, crossing into Eddieās room and pressing the door shut behind him.
Eddieās sat on the bed, criss-cross apple sauce style. Heās kicked his sneakers off ā oneās by Steveās foot, the other on the other side of the room.
Steve swallows and toes off his own shoes. He approaches the bed, climbing on gingerly and folding his limbs to match Eddie. That familiar swoop of nerves sits oh-so present in the pit of his stomach. Steve tries to think of it as a good thing ā itās good to have something so good that heās nervous in his excitement.
For a moment, they just sit. Staring at one another. One of Eddieās fingers is digging into the rips of his jeans, toying with the loose strands. It gives away his restless energy.
Steve waits. He asked last time and he knows ā he knows Eddie wants to kiss him. But a small part of himā¦
āWhy is this so hard?ā Eddie blurts out all of a sudden. Like before, the words seem like theyāve come out without Eddie realising, but he barrels on. āShit, Iām so fucking nervous. You make me so nervous, Steve.ā
Eddieās eyes wonāt settle. They dart around. Move from Steveās eyes to his lips, down, to the bed sheet beneath them. Like he still isnāt sure if heās truly allowed to look. His admission makes Steve sorta wanna roll over and scream into the pillow. In a good way.
āIāmā Me too," Steve admits, a smile curling at his lips. āThe- fuck, the way I feel about you honestly scares me shitless.ā
Eddie seems to be both chuffed and relieved at his words.
āBut Iā¦ want to kiss you,ā Steve says assuredly. The next sentence he poses as a question, words a little more hesitant. More nervous. āAndā¦ and you want to kiss me?ā
Across the bed, Eddie grabs a piece of his hair, twisting it nervously as he pulls it to cover his face. His usual nervous tell. Steve canāt help how he breaks into a grin when Eddie nods fervently.
āCool.ā Steve breathes. Then mentally smacks himself for saying cool. He tries to recover but Eddie beats him to it, with a question of his own. āCan I kiss you now?ā
Steve answers by shuffling closer, til their knees are touching and then ā like beside the road earlier ā mimics the touch Eddie had given him.
Hands on either side of Eddieās face, gentle as they curl under his jaw. Steve can feel the curls of his hair tickling at his fingertips. Another inch forward and heād be burying his hands in Eddieās hair. Steve bookmarks that urge for later.
Eddie looks nervous. Steve is undoubtedly making it worse, taking his time like this. But he canāt help it.
He wants to look ā wants to stare, wants to devour every detail of Eddieās face. Commit it to memory so he can picture it with his eyelids closed. What Eddie Munson looks like while waiting for a kiss.
The amount of affection that swells in Steveās chest hits like a sucker-punch, enough he sucks in a tiny breath. He can see the smallest quiver in Eddieās lip.
āYou gonna stare all day, Harrington?ā Eddie teases, but it lacks conviction when the words wobble a bit.
āJust enjoying the view,ā Steve remarks, and then, finally, he kisses Eddie.
Itās the floodgate. Itās a frenzy, kiss after kiss after kiss, the softness of them slipping away in lieu of making up for missed time. Steve kisses every apology onto Eddieās lips and he receives forgiveness a dozen times back. Itās bliss.
Eddieās a very enthusiastic partner, to say the least. Heās a little messier with his kisses, hands gripping the front of Steveās shirt tightly, pressing forward in a way that pushes Steve backā but Steve certainly doesnāt mind. He removes his hands from Eddieās face to lower himself back, elbows against the comforter as Eddie follows eagerly.
For a moment, a sprout of doubt pulls them apart. Eddie hovers, not getting too close. āThis isā¦ this is okay?ā
Steve grabs him by the collar and tugs him down, meeting him in the middle for another kiss. Itās a fat unanimous yes. Something glows hot in his chest when Eddie smiles into the kiss. Grins even. In fact, he has to take a moment to cheese it out, his face tucked into hiding against the crook of Steveās neck.
Steve doesnāt mind. His hand strokes idly over Eddieās hair, twisting in with the curls. He lets him take his time, lets Eddie work back up the nerve to kiss him again, exceptā with a gasp, Steve squirms at the sudden kiss on his neck, hot and soft.
āI think you were the one overdue for a hickie,ā Steve breathes, hands threading through Eddieās hair gently. He doesnāt pull him away though; lets Eddie figure out the best way to scrape his teeth against Steveās skin as best he likes.
āUh huh,ā Eddie murmurs, barely heard. Heās too distracted.
āEddie,ā Steve tries, but it comes out far too close to a sigh. He tries again, this time with a proper tug to pull Eddie back from him.
Itās a bit of leftover King Steve the way he manoeuvres the both of them, rolling deftly so itās Eddie upon his back and Steve hovering above him. Eddie manages to look both impressed and disgruntled at once.
Steve doesnāt let him get a word out. The pale stretch of skin down Eddieās neck has been calling his name for too long and Steve is hungry for it. He grants Eddie one, two, three more kisses on his lips before heās moving down.
Heās just getting started, lips pressed to hot skin when it happens. Eddieās hands move up, skirting barely up and under Steveās shirt, fingers searching. The unpleasant aversion prickles under Steveās skin.
He locks up. Heās unable to do anything but; it feels helpless even as he tries to shake it off but he knows, he knows Eddie can feel it as he grows rigid under the touch.
Itās worse when Eddie tries to reel his touch back in. Steve wants to cry with frustration because itās not Eddieā itās fucking him.
āDonāt,ā Steve pleads, his hand diving down to catch Eddieās wrist and holding it there. He knows Eddieās watching him closely, even as Steveās eyes scrunch shut and he fights to fend off the uncomfortable feeling attempting to make home under his skin.
āItāsā¦ā Steve wills himself to look Eddie in the eye, hoping the sincerity bleeds through his words. āItās not you, Eds. Justā fuck, justā¦ give me a second, okay?ā
He releases Eddieās wrist. Eddie nods, a minuscule motion. His brown eyes are watching Steve closely, darting all over his face wildly and after a moment, they still on his lips. Eddie makes a decision and pushes forward, planting a tender kiss on the corner of Steveās mouth.
āSāokay,ā He assures. Then gives Steve another kiss, this time on the lips, slow and sweet. Steve drinks it in, tries to savour the feeling of being kissed by someone who wants him. Wants him in every way they can have him. It's maddening.
Eddieās hand moves an inch cautiously, testing the waters as his fingertips trace the skin of Steveās tummy. He doesnāt flinch when Steve stiffens up again.
Like he can sense the frustration building up in the other boy, he captures Steveās lips with his gently. Whispers against them again as soothingly as he can. āItās okay. Youāre okay.ā
Itās like the words run across the raised hackles of Steveās soul, soothing and seeping out the tension from every muscle. Steve can feel himself relax under the words. Feels something inside him wobble and then tip over, finally soothed, finally settled.
This time when Eddieās hand grazes along his waist, Steve shivers in a good wayā and leans in closer, kissing back. His hands clutch back at Eddieās hair, raking through to grip it sweetly. He tugs, jerking Eddieās chin up and exposing his throat.
āCan Iā¦ā Steve begins. Itās a tease.
āShut up,ā Eddie grinds out, hands fixed on Steveās waist. Now he knows he can touch, that Steve isnāt tensing up or flinching away, his hands are rabid. Hungry. They crawl across the skin, leaving hot scorch marks behind that tingle delightfully. āThis hickie is so overdue.ā
Steve grins wolfishly.
Eddieās neck is a thorough shade of violet by the time heās done, chest heaving. He looks devilishly handsome when Steve pulls back to admire his work and he barely gets a moment before Eddieās back on him, lips hot against Steveās own.
āMy go.ā
This time when Steveās getting ready to leave, he half-heartedly pulls on his shoes. Itās a pitiful attempt to slow down the inevitable. He canāt believe leaving is harder this time; maybe itās more to do with the hickies adoring his own neck and collarbones.
āHey, I-ā Steve starts, already feeling flush in the face. Eddieās watching him pack his stuff up, still pink in the face, but so evidently content with himself. Heās laid back on the bed, arms crossed behind his head. Heās showing off the dark lovebites on his skin, neck craned proudly.
āMm?ā Eddie hums, a cheeky smile on his face.
āWhen Iā Robin.ā Steve says, flashing a hand to his neck. āSheās- sheās probably gonna ask.ā
Steve swallows. He somehow gets the feeling Eddie already knows what heās going to ask ā that heās waiting for him to say it. Eddieās grin says as much.
āAnd when she does, Iāā Steve continues, one hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. The kisses on it tingle beneath his own touch. āCan Iā¦ call you my boyfriend?ā
Eddie glows. Itās the only word for the excited laugh that punches out of him, like a gleeful goblin.
Steve thinks he might just be falling all over again when Eddie rolls over and buries his face in his pillow. He pretends for Eddieās sake not to hear his muffled shout thatās almost a squeal. His cheeks are ruby red by the time he sticks his face back out, his grin so wide it makes his eyes crinkle in the corner.
āYes,ā Eddie says, voice giddy. āYes, please.ā
And Steveās so fucking glad he asked for that stupid hug way back when, because got a gremlin-level of affectionate boyfriend now to show for it.
-
and that's likely a wrap on the can i series for now ! i had an inkling of an idea for future but tbh i wasn't supposed to write this i like have 7 other fics callin my name. but alas! thank u so very much for the love on this, whether sending kisses to my touch starved self or talking bout needing a hug too in the tags <3 hopefully this heals all the right places <3 mwah my loves
tags below:
@original-cypher @maya-custodios-dionach @uwujinniee @attic-cat-blog @immortal-iratze @anaibis @orangeandthefairroadkill @etaka @silversnaffles @invisibleflame812 @eddie-hero-munson @jesskier @princess-eddie @impeachy @estrellami-1 @bloomingconflagration @newtstabber @iwouldsail @sundead @darksmistress @sydstroons @leethegay @superchellerific @eddielives1986 @jinxjinn @breealtair @steddieassheg0es @loopholesinmydreams @savory-babby @alittlegreyfish @izzy2210 @em9515 @killjoy-patrixtump @mrspasser @spectrum-spectre
#posting this cos i need to study and it's driving me insane i need it DONE#its been at like 96% finished for the last 2 days#FINISHED THIS MORNING#FINALLY !#hopefully on that fun touched starved moment that the whole first piece was based on#yet again#gay ppl in my phone.... i love u#hope this feeds u good#steddie#ruby writes steddie#steve x eddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#steve harrington x eddie munson#steddie fic#steddie ficlet#touch starved steve harrington#can i series#and that's a fookin wrap dear god i need to do other things#if u like this u should come and tell me so we can kiss#on the lips#prommy <3
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SHE LEFT ā¹ļøā¹ļøā¹ļøā¹ļøā¹ļøā¹ļøā¹ļøā¹ļøā¹ļø
#an HOUR. it was ONE HOUR#well like 1.5 atp#but it was lovely#we got looks the entire time from the ppl who saw us sitting on the sidewalk with her head on my shoulder LOL#and now im getting a Look by a guy in the pizza place . a Straight Guy. parker COME BACKKKKK#PLEASE EEEE#also we saw a really cute gay couple on the street and she went āi lovr gay ppl wish that was meā five steps after we passed and we were#literally holding hands like ok what do u think weāre doing rn š¤Øš¤Ø#her phone is going to die so im taking this opportunity to post before she does#the overdue asteroid strikes again#parkerparkerparker
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cause hey, i love you, okay,
itās so hard to say,
that i fucking need you too
#i blame the gay ppl on my phone#blasting u both with laser beams#anyways i love my friends and girlfriends and im so glad weāre all here#šššš«µ#Spotify
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my father telling me how scared he was when i ran away from the house but i cant express how scared i was 2 b in the house
hey, whats up w/that?
#whenever we āhang outā he likes 2 make the topic as depressing as possible by always talking abiut the past#& it is the most annoying shit ever i will not lie BC I DONT WANT 2 TALK ABOUT DEATH & THE ABUSE EVERY TIME I SPEAK 2 U#yk? thag makes sense in my head#anyways he started talking abiut how terrified he was when i had ran away multiple times a couple yrs ago & when i say a couple i mean#i have no idea how long ago bc memory is a bitch#but it had 2 b like middle school - sophmore?#multiple times & like i just wanna shake him bc LITERLLY WHAT & WHO DO U THINK I WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM#GODDAMNN I H8 BING THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS HOUSE WHO CAN EXPRESS EMOTIONS & NOT LET THEM EFFECT HOW I VIEW THE OTHER#āoh u ran in the park u ran in the parkā i didnt run in the fuckinggppaaarrkrkkkk AAAAAAAAAA I MET A NICE LADY WHO HAD A GOAT IN THE#SPARTMENTS I FRIECIENTED OFTEN WHEN I WAS YOUNGER#i cant express how safe the goddamn goat lady & her kid made me feel vs my parents who started hunting 4 me#like ive been dragged home so many times im not going through that shit again#i miss the goat the mom & the kid we were just chilling @ like midnight 4 a bit#did this turn in2 a vent? idk#i do this a lot ill prolly delete this soonish when im kore calm#bc rn i want 2 chuck bricks in my laundry machine & watch them fly out & hit whatever#im going back 2 watching anime if i have 2 talk 2 1 other person i will actually explode#like irl person not online the silly gay ppl in my phone r super cool & amazing & i love them#im srry 4 bing a dick btw#i cant explain it i mean i could but i cant im just my brain is telling me eveyr1 h8s me & MAN i h8 it when it does#so im just frightened & by golly & am i havign a cheery time yipyipyip#typing in tags is sm easier than in a post bc i dont think most ppl read tags lol#the more i think about my past the more i wonder wtf am i doing here#bc how did i even get out of the house in the 1st place & then ontop of that was able 2 hide#like whatā¦ā¦#bc they were fucking grabbing me n shit & they have CARS like i didnt go in the park i walked the sidewalks HOW DID I MOT GET CAUGHT??#MULTIPLE TIMES??? LIKE I āran awayā MULTIPLE TIMES#i didnt exactly run away tho bc i didnt want them 2 file police shit i didnt eant 2 deal w/that & also hirt the pll i stayed over w/#so i always went back. obviously blehhh#ug hj hhhh my heads hurting again this is like the 4th day in a row :((
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boy how do you reblog such great things
been cultivating my dash for years. i also found most of them in my drafts
#looked at my drafts to find a Rb about my day / the boy i like (ā) BUT. IT ATE JT LMAO POST IS GONE#however i will do it here and now#SO IT WAS āCULTURE DAYā TODAY BUT MOST PPL USE IT AS NON UNIFORM DAY#I go in & see ā in form and go to assembly blah blah blah dont see him again until 3rd period#i sit behind him in english bc we have a room change and i have an excuse hes sososo funny and talks to me like the whole time#same as biology but he got kicked out for talking too much lol#then at lunch he disappears nd im a little bummed BUT HE APPEARS FROM THE HALL AND INVITES ME#so i go and bring my friends too and we sit while he & some younger years dance#and hes dancing and slaying etc etc all flamboyant /pos /pos /pos sometimes on the stage sometimes near us#near us he looks. fucking DEAD into my eyes and sings along to the song when its like āi know you like meā or sum#NDJSBDJSBE AHHHHH#and im sat a little away from the group but he sits with me specifically#friendgroup takes a pic without me really noticing & my friend Annabelle jokingly goes āwhy is Bev looking at ā with so much loveā#I laugh it off. but ohhh ny god u have no idea. i was heart eyes motherfucker the whole time#HES SO CUTE IM SCREAAAAMING WITH THE WAY HIS KIPPAH KINDA MOVES HIS HAIR & HIS NEW GLASSES & SHIRT THAT ISNT UNIFORM SO I CAN SEE HIS WAIST#UGHFJSBSKSB MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD#hes so cool its so scary to be around him#then in PE we were meant to habe just dance for the last 2 weeks but theres been no available room#our group were in the gym but we got permission to wonder around instead#ā says āwhatre you doing?ā i say āwalking aimlesslyā and he says āOH MY GOD PERFECT SAME LETS DO IT TOGETHERā#so him & me & my friends r walking and then im like. can we play just dance in the tennis courts#So he gets it on his phone starts playing and dibs me as a partner for Girlfriend and Timber. oh my sweet lord.#GODDD HES SO PRETTY AND FUNNY AND COOL IM OBSESSED WITH HIM OH MY GOD.#so anyway. thats the answer to your question LMAOOO#loz tag#asks#beverly says stuff#the bev is gay chronicles#ā#like before i wasnt sure if i LIKE-LIKED him or if it was hyperfix or smthn. im now 100%sure i really really like him
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alright my semester started properly so i will be way less active. love u all lots tho and im not going on hiatus again but just a heads up when it comes to replying to my mutualsā dms. i am not ignoring u š
#i will be taking my meds again so i might be entering my btsarmy222777 mood stabilizer post era soon#but still#love u gay ppl in my phone
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Mutuals I changed my icon and name slightly be not afraid
#the devil speaks#i am still void but no longer pyramids#rebranding for art selling and content creation reasons#i will still be shit posting on here dw#but i might make real posts occasionally#thats all love u gay ppl in my phone
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imsoo normal about guys byw
#sprry this is the start of my downfall im actually going to theow up and vomit and die#fronting daily actually sucks!and i have no restraint on my curiiusity and i have to figure shit out and i literally want to die#cause like i found out shit i didnt want to and its entirely my fault too bro i cant even be upset cause i went looking for it ughhh#i should be allowed to die afterschool so i dont have to feel anything else tbh thatd be a pleasure great thing whwatever#this is genuinelky the repeat of my downfall again literally september all over again and its just march jesus fucking fhrist bro need todi#the nervous system is so dumb what is ooottfvgvsh or whagevr i hate that dumbass acronym i hate healrhcare#serenity save me š save me serenity š come home#everyone keeps sayng that but qith donald trump#anyway back to me i need to scream and not just to serenity cause i feel badš¤ no emojis are tood enougu anymore bro im going to kms#killing myself so fucking hard like a vampire driving a stake through his heart sort of shit ykwim like a siren drowning ro sokething poeti#save me sid š sid save me actually hed laugh at me for hthis lowkey which is soo deserved cause real bro why am i breaking down at midnight#on a dchool day too bro again and again i dont want to go to mf schooll and be obsessed w k. hes fine but i genuinely cant do my work#lowkey would iet be weird to talk to my ex ab my relationship with him cause like yea i miss him ykwim and i need closure but i got a crush#cause like on one hand its like i was the one who brokenup ykwim like even if the circumstances werewei4d whatever its like why would i hav#the right to even bring it up and i alr crushed on a new guy and like ignoring the uguult i do like him ughh broni want to kms#i love love i just dont love lvoe for myself cause ugh bro i hare one guy idc ab his crushes but he made me hear ab them lke idc idek him#sorry u had a bad experience w bi girls like idk what u want me to say ??? surprise me too ??? tff ugh i hate love girls#i need a gf but the thoigjt of liking a girl genuinely deeply scares me to my core cause i like girls but ppl dont like that i do ykwim#all mu friends are fucking gay bro idek why im so worried ab liking girls like who is there to disappoint but myself and my entire family#noo pressure qt all being oldest and queerest like ok yeah its midnight happy new years. i need this blanket tobsuffocste me#sleep wrappedup alr like a borito burito i dek and its not enoughh i need a soul crushing embrafe to sleep#ok im done i got post vent clarity i need to sleep#post#erics tag#delete later#serenity needs this as a ref in the morning#i beed my mom to cry to but j cant tell her any of this id rather be eaten alive by bugsbro and if i just cry to her without a reason#shell fs go througj my phone and fimd out why anyway so wjats the pointtt my god i tqlk too much and vent too much#gota flair forbthe dramatics ivguess mb
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you thought it would be all sweetness??? nooo u got to have a little miscommunication angst before anyone gets any hickies. but they will. in time >:) part one. part two. this is a part three :)
Steve blames it all on the clock.
That stupid cuckoo clock on the wall of the Munson trailer. It's an absolute horror of interior design that would make Steveās mom shiver if she ever laid eyes on it. Itās probably why Eddie loves it ā and the god-awful cuckoo! noise it makes when it goes off.
Because the moment Eddie utters that delightful question, asking for a hickie, the nerve of him, Steve loves it ā and Steve is more than ready to oblige him ā the stupid clock goes off.
It gives them both a fright, Steve more than Eddie. He gives a whole-body twitch that shifts them both, his head snapping to the wall, a breath forced out of his lungs at the sight of the mustard-coloured bird. Shit. Stupid fuckinā clock, Steve thinks.
But it seems to break the trance over the room. The sweet tension of their shared closeness is sucked out of the room in an instant. Steve is suddenly aware of the time the popping out bird is announcing. Itās late. Far later than Steve intended to stay over, especially considering work tomorrow.
Without meaning to, the prickle under Steveās skin rolls through his body. It steals away the comfort that he usually feels with Eddie, tenseness filling his body. Steve hates it ā hates how he canāt stop himself from tensing up beneath Eddie.
Eddie notices. He's quick to to retract himself from Steve, pushing up and back, giving Steve his space. He sits beside Steve on the couch, still close. Not close enough to touch.
It helps. The rigidness of Steve's body relaxes just a bit but Steve doesnāt want that. He wants Eddie back on him. Wants his hands gripping Steveās side. His breath fanning over Steveās face, cheeks cherry red and pupils blown wide. Steve doesnāt say any of that and he sure is shit isn't brave enough to ask for it.
Instead, he croaks, āItās late.ā
Steve reluctantly pushes himself up from his slumped position, eyes already searching for his scattered shoes. He misses the way Eddieās face falls, the way he tries to tug his hair in front of his face to hide the hurt. It takes another second to school his expression.
Steve hears a cough and then Eddie agrees with a murmur. āYeah, sure.ā
The words ache. No part of Steve is relieved to have Eddie agree with him. Heās not sure what he wanted; for Eddie to egg him to stay just a little while longer? To prove that their kisses hadnāt been a heat of the moment impulsivity? There's nothing to prove they weren't.
No, it was Steve who said he had to go. It is late. But then again maybe, Eddie wanted him to leave. But, noā Eddie just asked for a hickie, he wouldnātā
āDonāt you have work early tomorrow?ā Steveās spiral cuts short at Eddieās voice, tinged withā¦ irritation?
O-kay. Now Steveās not sure what to think. What had been the source of immense joy because Steve had asked for a kiss and Eddie said yes is suddenlyā¦ tilted.
The beginnings of embarrassment begin to cling to Steve like a thick fog. Heās done it again. Been overly eager. Asked for too much, too soonā fuck, that had been Eddieās first kiss too.
āYeah,ā Steve replies, standing and shoving his foot into the one shoe he can find. He spies the other one under the table and wiggles it out with his toe. He canāt find in it to look at Eddie, not just yet. āYeah, uh, I should get going.ā
Itās all wrong. Steve shouldnāt be leaving ā not on these terms. Not when he canāt look at Eddie for fear of what heāll find. Regret? Steveās not sure if he could face Eddie again, not if thereās even a trace of it on his face. It would feel like Halloween all over again, a bludgeon on Steveās too-soft heart. Itāll crumble, he just knows it.
Steve wants to stay. He really wants to. He wants to ask for another kiss, ask for a dozen more kisses. Wants to give the hickie Eddie asked so nicely for and receive one back; matching love bites, like a gentler version of their matching twisted scars adorning their sides.
But heās always asking for more. Steve always needs more. Itās greedy. Itās embarrassing how much he wants it, how heās already gotten patient touches from Eddie but itās not enough. Eddie had sounded a pinch annoyed ā even aggravated at Steve.
It doesn't cross his mind that it might be for any other reason. Really, Steve thinks heās doing Eddie a favour.
āUm,ā Steve clears his throat, takes the wobble out of his words. Nods to himself and chances a glimpse at Eddie. The older is staring down at his lap, locks of hair trapped between twitchy fingers. They should talk about it. Steveās not brave enough to risk his heart tonight.
āWell, gānight.ā He says quietly, letting himself out the trailer door. He closes it behind him gently, shoes tapping against the stairs on the way down. It feels wrong, it feels wrong ā but it would be selfish to turn back.
He repeats the sentiment over and over, raspy whispers beneath his breath as he climbs into his car. It would be selfish. The engine turns over and he hesitates for just a moment, hoping to catch a silhouette in the kitchen window. Itās empty. Of course, itās empty.
Of course, Eddie is not chancing for a glance at him on his way out because Steve just asked for more and more and more, and he took Eddieās first kiss and thenā He whispers it to himself again. It would be selfish to turn back.
When he thinks about it on the drive home, Steveās sure it all comes back to that stupid fucking clock.
-
Eddie stares in the mirror.
Heās not sure why he was so convinced there would be some radical change in him upon popping his make-out cherry butā¦ well, here he was. Staring in the mirror like he had this morning. Except 10 hours earlier, he had been unkissed.
Tonight, the difference shows. His lips are rosier than usual, a swell to them given by hasty sweet kisses. Itās the only evidence of his spit-sharing moment of passion with Steve on the couch. The rosy colour is already beginning to fade.
Eddie sinks his teeth in. He doesnāt want the only physical proof that he even got to kiss Steve to be gone so soon. Even if that fact seems terribly bitter now.
āWhat the shit did you do, Munson?ā He murmurs to himself in the tiny bathroom mirror.
Itās got toothpaste specks splayed across it. Eddie stares past them. Stares into his own face, reading every change in his features as emotions inside him churn. Itās heading for a distraught expression, the upturn of his brows and quiver in his lips giving him away. He always was a crier. Eddie really wishes he wasnāt.
āIdiot!ā He pairs the word with a bang on the wall beside the mirror, frustration leaking out. The toothbrush on the sink shudders in its cup with a clink.
Eddie hates the welling in his eyes. He hates that he ruined the first fuckinā good thing to happen to him in this town. Loathes that he drives away the first person who actually knows him and still wants to kiss him.
Well, wanted to kiss him.
Eddieās pretty sure Steve scampering out of the trailer is more than a big enough sign. Itās a blazingly bright neon sign ā light up words that say āThis was a mistake!ā
Except, it hadnāt felt at all like a mistake to Eddie. It had felt wonderful, better than anything he had thought, the soft curve of Steveās lips, the grip on his hands on Eddieās face, the heat in his face, theā Eddie growls, wiping his hand down his face to shake the thoughts. Too good to be true was what it was.
Itās because of what he said. Of what he asked for. It had to be that. Butā but Steve had looked eager and almost excited and then the stupid clock had gone off, scaring the shit out of them both. Maybe it was then that Eddieās words had sunk in and Steve realised what heād gotten intoā and who heād gotten into it with.
āYou had to ask for more, huh?ā Eddie scolds himself angrily, wiping his cheeks harshly when a tear streaks free. Another follows, just as fast. Eddie wipes roughly at his face to clear them. Doesnāt care about the streaks of red he leaves on his cheeks. Another trembling reprimand comes out. āYou just had to push it, huh? You fuckinā idiot.ā
Eddie canāt stand his reflection anymore. He tears his gaze away as he spins and heads straight for his room.
The button on his stereo is sticky and it takes a few forceful clicks to turn it on, but when he does, he cranks it. Itās loud enough heāll surely wake some neighbours. Eddie canāt find it in him to care, not even when the neighbours dog starts off with its incessant barking. Anything to stop hearing himself cry.
-
āSomethingās up with Eddie.ā is the first thing Robin says when she comes in the front door.
Steveās mid-yawn when she does, a result of a night of tossing and turning, and he somehow manages a strange choke at her words. In a haste to shut his mouth, he chomps on his fingers covering his mouth ā then hisses, pulling it away from his face. He ignores Robinās perplexed expression, shoving the hand deep in his pocket. His ears feel a tad hotter.
āWhat? Why? What makes you think that?ā Steve asks the questions in rapid succession. Very chill, he chides himself. At this rate, Robin would have him all figured out 10 minutes into their shift.
And itās not likeā well, Robinās advice is usually great. A bit cut-throat, sure. She doesnāt have a problem trodding on his feelings on her way to tell him the hard truth. Usually, itās fine. Steve could probably do with a bit of ego-bruising.
Today, heāsā¦ Itās different. Thatās what Steve tells himself. This thing with Eddie, he wants to fix it himself. And with too much meddling from Robinās advice, even if it was with the best intentions, might mix things up too much. Itās hard enough keeping his half-baked apology thatās been brewing since last night in proper order in his mind.
Thankfully, Robin doesnāt comment on his odd demeanor. She just bustles into the back room ā there are a couple sounds of her dumping her stuff. When she comes back out the front, sheās fixing her Family Video vest. It looks perfectly straight to Steve.
He checks his own ā itās sitting askew, part of the collar flipped over. He hastily fixes it, running his hands down the front to smooth it a bit.
āJust,ā Robin starts, talking as she sits in front of the computer, beginning to take a crack at the admin she managed. She likes doing things as she talks, Steve knows. Helps keep her from letting words run away from her.
Steveās thankful for it now because she isnāt looking at him when she says, āI think he might have had a bad nightmare last night, or something of that sort. I donāt know. Maybe Iām way off ā you know how I am with trying to read people, Steve. Iām not good at it! But when I saw him, he just seemedā¦ā
Robin seems to take an extra moment to deliberate her word choice. Steveās really glad sheās still facing the computer so she canāt see the myriad of emotions that show on his face.
āā¦Off.ā is the word she decides on.
Which means bad. Steve feels like heās swallowed a stone. It sinks deep into his stomach. It burns, sour and scorned, twisting up his gut. It means Eddie is bad ā it means disappointment, means he regretted it. That Steve had been right; that heād been too eager, too soon. Too much.
Right. Of course, this happens again. Really, Steve had brought it on himself by asking for so much. It had been one thing to ask for a hug ā who actually has to do that? ā and then to expect he might get Eddie to kiss him too? What a overstep. Christ, he's an idiot.
āThatās notā¦ā He hears himself say, still lost in his thoughts. It's only when Robin turns on the stool, brows raised, that Steve realises he hasnāt finished his sentence. āGood. Thatās not good. To hear.ā
Steve turns and starts shuffling around the films on the returns cart, picking them up at random. He stares at a copy of āThe Princess Brideā in his hands, a new release, and forces out a causal question.
āWhat made you think that?ā He asks, shoving the film into an empty slot, like he was arranging them. Heās relieved when Robinās clicking on the keyboard resumes, along with a dramatic sigh.
āI donāt know. I donāt know if I can be trusted to read anyoneās emotions correctly at any given time, honestly. Remember that old lady? I thought she was being sweet that whole time and then you told me she was being rude! And I couldnāt even tellā¦ā
Robinās ramble is comforting and helpful to Steve in a way he didnāt know they could be. He presses the cart out, finally getting a move on with it, but delivers a quick nod to Robin when sheās looking to let her know heās still tuned in. He listens to her get distracted by another topic and leaves Eddieās name in the dust. Itās a silent relief.
Itās a task to multi-task, listening and devising a plan, but Steve has all shift to find the balance. Itās sometime between finishing re-stocking the action section and starting the romance that Steve decides he should apologise. He should go over today and apologise.
Eddieās a big boy but Steveās fairly certain now, if he regretted it, Eddie had probably felt obliged to kiss him back. Probably hadnāt minded the first kiss but- butā Something sticks in his brain; it was Eddieās first kiss.
It makes Steve feel worse. It doesnāt matter, really, Steve should say sorry for all of it. God, heās such an idiot.
By the time heās clocked out, itās all set in place. Heās got a dozen different apologies running in a loop in his head, reciting the words in time with his anxious tapping on the steering wheel. Itās not a long drive out to Forest Hills Trailer Park. The drive is well-known now. Steve tries hard not to wallow in what he might be losing today. What he lost because heād been too greedy with want.
The sight of a brown van parked roadside yanks him from his thoughts. Eddieās van. Steveās stomach turns, nerves gnawing faster. He slows, trying to catch eye of the other boy as he rolls to a stop behind the van. The sun is beginning to dip closer to the horizon, the temperature going with it.
At the same time, they see each other; Eddieās head popping around the raised hood to see who had stopped, right as Steve pops his door. Eddie retreats in an instant. Steve's chest grows a bit tighter.
Gravel crunches underfoot as Steve takes a few wary steps closer. It doesnāt take more than a couple before Eddie calls out. He doesnāt bother poking his head out again.
āGo away, Steve.ā
Steve swallows thickly. Yeah, okay, he deserves that. He deserves probably worse than that. But more importantly than that, Eddie deserves to hear this. And Steve... needs to not lose Eddie.
āCan Iā¦ can we talk?ā Steve asks, taking a couple steps closer. A car whizzes by on the road, hidden from Steve's view behind the van. He still keeps his distance, hovering. His hands clench nervously at his sides. Steve shoves them deep in his jean pockets, wiping the sweat off them as he goes.
āWhat part of āGo awayā isnāt clear enough for you?ā Eddie snarks back. He still doesn't stick his head out, still wonāt look at Steve. It stings.
āI know, Iām sorry,ā Steve starts, another instinctive step forward taken. āI-I just, I shouldnāt have left like I did last night. I wanted to apologise.ā
Thereās a clattering from behind the hood like Eddieās dropped a tool. He swears. Steve wants to take another step, wants to see Eddie ā wants to read every emotion and apologise for causing any of the ugly ones.
āWell, apology accepted,ā Eddie responds. Thereās a bite in his words. His next words are grumblier, quieter. āAnd message fuckinā received.ā
What? āWhatās that supposed to mean?ā
āThatāā Finally, Eddie steps away from the van, rounding the hood to march up to Steve. His arms cross over his chest, a wrinkle set between his brows that pull his face into a glare. Robin was right; he is off. This isnāt normal Eddie. Fuck, Steve had fucked up bad.
āThat means message received, Steve.ā Eddie seethes. He uncrosses his arms to gesture wildly. Steve misses the wobble in his bottom lip. āMessage received loud and clear! I get it!ā
And all Steve wants to ask is: get what? He doesnāt ask that. He should know what. That would be an idiotic question, would make Eddie more irritated. Lord knows, Steve has been enough of a fool in the last day. So, he doesnāt ask.
āLook, I justā¦ā Steve starts, words a bit weak. They die in his throat as he tries to recall a single apology he had practiced all day and comes up empty. āIām just- I just wantedālook, Iām sorry I took your first kiss!ā
Itās not exactly what he means to say, but Steve certainly is sorry for it. Eddieās expression wavers, some anger slipping away. Confusion takes its place.
āWhat?ā Eddie says with a tone of bafflement. āWhat are you talking about?ā
āAnd Iām sorry I keptā¦ kept asking for more.ā Steve continues on, pulling on the thread inside him, connected to the terrible stone he swallowed earlier. He tugs it. Hopes pulling it will unravel the guilt sitting heavy in his stomach.
Steve scrunches his eyes shut and rubs the bridge of his nose. āI know, okay? I know that I can be a lot.ā He sighs and drops his hands.
āBut I didnāt mean toā¦ shit,ā He wrenches his eyes open. Eddieās a bit wide-eyed now, brown eyes watching him intently. Steve doesnāt know what expression heās wearing, canāt tell if itās good or worse. He continues, soft words scraping out his throat.
āI didnāt mean to be like that with you.ā
Eddie searches Steveās face, eyes darting and wild. He licks his lips. His hands are in motion, fingers twisting rings, quick and fast. Itās a nervous action.
āWhat do you mean by ālike that?āā Eddie asks, voice gentler. It's lost its snarl from before.
Steve blinks, a scrape of teeth worrying his bottom lip. He murmurs his admittance lowly, just one word, āSelfish.ā
Eddie doesnāt try to hide his surprise; it ripples across his face in a wave. Confusion melts away into something closer to, Steve hopes desperately, relief. Steve can feel his own heart thudding hard inside his chest ā can feel the beat it skips when Eddie steps closer.
āSteve?ā Eddie says, sounding unlike himself. Steveās never heard his voice that small. He nods, wordlessly. Eddie searches his face once more ā wide brown eyes scanning and devouring. Steve canāt help but do the same.
He drinks in the details of Eddieās face; the soft scruff along his top lip, the darkness of his lashes and the way they kiss in the corner that Steve adores. The pink of his lips. The familiar ache to kiss Eddie surges up within him, still as violent and strong as it had been the night before.
Steve should really stop looking at Eddieās lips. Heās supposed to be apologising. He drags his eyes up and meets Eddieās gaze full-on, prepared for whatever he might say. Except, heās not expecting him at all to say;
āCan I... try this again?ā It comes out a ragged breath, Eddie's scared eyes conveying the weight behind his words.
And this time Steve doesn't even need to ask what because he knows. Because Eddie's hands are reaching up and holding either side of Steve's face so gently. Steve can't recall a time he's ever been held so softly. His own hands come up slowly, draping around Eddie's wrists to hold them, to keep them there.
Eddie's thumb traces. It draws a sweet line of that familiar fire beneath Steve's skin along til it's settled on Steve's bottom lip, resting. The blood under Eddie's thumb thrums, gloriously warm, aching with want. Yes. Steve thinks. Yes, yes, yes.
"Yes, please." Steve breathes, so sincere the words comes out as a kiss against Eddie's thumb.
So, Eddie kisses him.
now with a part four !
tags below! sry if i tagged u and u didn't want it just tagging everyone who replied <3 @they-reap-what-we-sow @impeachy @anaibis @resident-gay-bitch @ediewentmissing @newtstabber @original-cypher @invisibleflame812 @hunterbow04 @leather-and-freckles @dracoswifeandlokispet @foolofentirelytoomanyfandoms @lfaewrites @sundead @call-me-big-eyes @the-redthread @goblinmanifesto @etaka @bishopextractions @ketterfuck @persephone13 @beckkthewreck @maya-custodios-dionach @autumnal-dawn @yourstrulyjoko @gleefully-macabre @princess-eddie @savory-babby
#EHEHE SORRY I CANT RESIST A LITTLE BIT OF MISCOM ANGST#MORE SWEETNESS COMING THO!!!#on god eddie needs his hickie#and im gonna GIVE HIM ONE#AND SO MUCH LOVE!!!!!!#BEST BOYS NEED TO BE HAPPY IN LOVE!!!!#maybe one more part :)#i had only one more idea for the can i's and i BET u can guess what it might be <3#and it needs to draw back to touch cos that was the POINT of this fic originally#IM ALL BOUT PARALLELS BABEY#hope u find this delicious#gay ppl in my phone... this for u#can't wait to write the relieved kisses w the 'YOU THOUGHT WHAT???'#they're such goobers <3#steddie#steve x eddie#steddie fic#steddie ficlet#can i series#HOW MANY CAN I'S CAN U SPOT THIS TIME !!!#ruby writes steddie#steddie angst#steddie fluff#uhhhh don't flop challenge#or do flop. i can't control the masses#hopefully this hits the brainrot just right
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OK ITS ALMOST 5AM IM GOING TO SLEEP FR NOW BYEEEE
#I LOVE U LITTLE GAY PPL IN MY PHONE#I HOPE TO GET LIKE. 4 HOURS OF SLEEP @ GOD 4 HOURS IS ENOUGH ILL DRINK MY WEIGHT IN COFFEE IF I HAVE TO#piksla.txt
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#hiii sorry babes I've been on a. social media diet. or whatever. I should continue. but I will for sure be back in September#bc I'm not going through school without my lifelines#anyway just wanted to say that I love you all and it's a thunderstorm heavy night. so I'm feeling very full and loved#and I'm sending all that good energy towards u. and I'm thinking about u tiny gay ppl on my phone. mwah
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i love my friends im literally so lucky š
#being emotional rn had a horrible anxiety filled day but my roomies and broskis helped so much#š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹ i just feel insanely loved its quite gay#and the ppl in my phone ...thank u for being urselves i love my tumblr friends too u guys rock#shhchri
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my heart is full my wallet is empty my knee hurts and im so so so fucking happy
#anne talks#plus sometimes i love social media. bc it felt like all u gay ppl in my phone where there <3#anyway fob forever and ever amen
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UGGGGH INTERACTION
#i love all of u i feel so weird#when i say all of u i mean the gay ppl outside of my phone yall dont talk 2 me#duck shut up#negative#kinda
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that great feeling when all your moots reblog your cat post so you get to see Jackās giant big man sweet boy body every couple posts on the dash
š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗš„ŗ
#thoughts#he's the gift that keeps on giving#thank u#i will tell him he's loved by the little gay ppl in my phone
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just wanted to say thanks to everyone who's ordered from my lil shop since I opened it a month ago!! I love love love seeing your pics of the tiny pirates out in the wild! anyway u r all the best I am hugging all the gay pirate ppl in my phone <3333
#you guys covered a week's worth of groceries which is saying smth in this economy#never had any sort of success with online shops before#ofmd ppl are fuckin lunatics and I like it
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