#when i say all of u i mean the gay ppl outside of my phone yall dont talk 2 me

[break-upclub]

UGGGGH INTERACTION

[truegoist]

💘 + RIN x ATLAS

OMG </3 long post so

where they first met and how

Probably at a school gym, i mean im in a basketball team and hes in football soo fight over who gets to use the room first

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

HELLA LONG bc he’s petty and like “oooo i will never be that low to actually fall for that guy” etc etc

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

okay so I’m going to go ahead and say him first bc even in irl relationships I’ll flirt and shit w everyone but it takes me a hell lot of time to actually swoon

where their first date was and what it was like

PICNIC PICNIC PICNIC was pretty fun except turns out bringing dogs was not such a good idea <;/3

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

me obvi, probably started out w someone going “oo u two gay” and me being ye

who proposes first

rin this time he plans every single step to it

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

Not exactly single but rin doesn’t wants rest of the bllk guys to know bc they’re annoying

where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? )

after his match def frfr

if they adopt any pets together

nope i have enough pets already

who’s more dominant

me B)

where their first kiss was and what it was like

Totally normal moment except his first automatic reaction was to go “Ew”

if they have any matching couples stuff ( mugs? sweaters? pillowcases? )

NECKLETS & PIERCINGS

how into pda they are

rin like %0 and me %100

who holds the umbrella when it rains

Him solely bc i always forget to bring one

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

my or his house

who’s more protective

Rin def

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

like a week lol. Mainly bc i love crashing over at even just friends houses

if they argue about anything

everything always doesn’t matter what I love arguing and he’s just petty

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )

💪

who steals whose clothes and how often

I’d say rin only does so when he confuses it w mine (bc yk similar size both men’s shit both emo) and then refused to acknowledge it’s mine

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )

probably either spooning or me just on top of him bc i love body slamming ppl

what their favourite nonsexual activity is

arguing </3

how long they stay mad at each other

not too long he’s way too in love for that lmao loser

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

rin orders whatever he wants for both of us and I just go along as long as it’s cold

if they ever have any children together

physically impossible but also I want children so adoption

if they have any special pet names for each other

loser, etc

if they ever split up and / or get back together

nah i don’t think so

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

oh I’m a pro at cleaning houses so very very clean 💪💪💪 I’d say rins part of the house is very minimalist and mine is just full of decorative shit and photos and all

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like

i dont celebrate any of those stuff BUT MATCHING COSTUMES FOR HALLOWEEN

what their names are in each other’s phones

rin to me > headache.

me to him -> bbg

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? )

ye collecting news articles together

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

He wakes up first bc yk football shit and I fall asleep first

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

interchanging

who hogs the bathroom

me </3 (putting on piercings + dyed hair shit)

who kills the spiders / takes them outside

i do !!

[castle-dominion]

castle 7x7 Once Upon a Time in the West

the western episode liveblog

Lucky me I spent like 2.5 hours working on a supper that says it should take 35 mins bc I needed to make more for my uncle & I decided to take it slow instead of speeding thru at kitchen pace & also my finger has a hole slashed on it & honestly supper is still cooking in some ways.

Anyway liveblog time

All this medical jargon. At least we get the witnesses name right away.

Diamondback? *Immediately has a seizure*

Why clink glass when everyone is already there?

Brevity is the soul of wit (clipping) We got married! Their faces so good. The slow fall of javi's into a sneer/frown, lanie's fall into sad & slightly more open rather than just a smile, kevin's look between the two & blink JE: You guys suck. KR: What – why did you do that? LP: Hold – hold up. No, no, no, no, no.

they all just *turn* to look at martha Right drink ok

LP: Hold this (hold my beer) LP: I am your maid of honor. I haven’t had a carb in months, just in case I had to put that damn dress back on. KB: And you look great. LP: Save the flattery. Kate, you owe me dinner. I’m picking the restaurant and we’re ordering all the desserts. KB: (meekly) Okay. (I like how she's mad, says her piece, gets her apology dinner agreed to, & then forgives her & hugs her.)

*Lanie punches rick just a little bit* Guys! *dark strings that go just a little lower in anger* (clipping)

WE didn't get that call. Once again, not invited. & hey when I was a kid I made a skit on the Nativity of Christ by myself & when Mary & Joseph got married I didn't think of "I do" as the marriage, I didn't think of rings, I didn't think of vows, I thought of dancing. My stuffed animal that was Joseph & I (playing Mary) spun in circles together while I sang. To me, a wedding is about dancing. What I mean by this is: the reception is more important than actually getting married so don't worry u didn't miss a thing

RC: Could have been worse KB: It still might be. I mean, who knows what they’re doing to our place right now.

RC: Our place. Our. We’re married. We’re married. (he grabs her arm and links it with his) We did it, Mrs. Castle. KB: We certainly did, Mr. Beckett. RC: WAIT UNLESS THAT ADDS ANOTHER NAME TO HIS NAMES. Richard Alexander Edgar Rodgers Castle Beckett.

Why an island getaway if he's afraid of the ocean?

She looks good btw, nice hair. HOLY CRAP THAT HOSPITAL EMPLOYEE WEARING A JACKET OVER HER SCRUBS, i THOUGHT WAS A DOCTOR COVERED IN BLOOD & SHE WAS JUST CHATTING CASUALLY OUTSIDE AN OPERATING ROOM.

aT LEAST HE'S TRYING TO BE POSITIVE ABOUT MURDERS NOT MAI TAIS. whoops i didnt' realize caps lock was on. Also it is hard to type when I have a possible tendon injury in my finger

KB: And she believed she was a victim of foul play? Yay murder victim helping ppl know that they ARE a murder victim before they die! Dr: Yes, and so do I. Heart medicine? cardiac arrest? wait WHY is it lethal when unrefined? It is the same drug, just has other stuff near it like... fibre & calories & water from the plant... Unless the drug is actually altered on a chemical level... idrk. But yeah foxglove is medicinal & toxic. Why would the doctor want the detectives to do that? idk. Doesn't matter. All good.

Dagmar. (love-- I forget what I was writing, it's been a week or several. Oh wait maybe I was saying that I love people who sponsor disadvantaged children.)

Her mom only passed this recently? Oh & ew internship.

utter, whittle, such good diction *looks at him* Castle would be really smart abt this tho, he would give two smart answers, & then he'd say "third while you thought I was playing on my phone I found out it was a ranch in arizona"

but what's a "dude" ranch? XD esposito & castle XD they're still mad legit just tosses them his wallet XD

Sus (short, last minute, only 3 days) Beckett just does the time zone math in her head!? & according to sito the snake key is her bunkhouse key... "cowboy activities" so gay sex /j but also lol define cowboy activities, shovelling poop & breaking down your cattle into quarters for sale? she left her stuff OR she didn't bring it back with her bc she was in such a hurry

lol big boy & it hits him in the forehead

Video calls, ah yes. It's about the economy of the town, keeping people employed. Or yeah no it's personal. Love the set design too btw

Gates is pretty Sito shup. GATES OMG "I’m sure it was Mr. Castle’s fault." GATES OMG

RC: Well, look at this place. I mean, it’s got beautiful skies, wide open spaces, the thrill of the old west? (she’s still confused) What better place for an impromptu honeymoon? (her jaw drops) For the investigation, of course. We could jump on a plane and be there in a few hours. *right in front of gates* KB: No, Castle. We are not having a honeymoon at a dude ranch! ("a" honeymoon) Arguing so good RC: Well – it could be our cover story. We’re a newlywed couple with a hankering for the wild frontier, right? And look, Beckett. I know you want to see justice brought to this young woman’s killer. And … this … this is the only way. VG: I hate to say this, but your husband may be right. KB: *turns to look at her bc 1- why r u defending him, & 2- why are YOU defending HIM?* rysposito shared communication (Yeehaw) fricking love it. So excited for this ep.

(btw, I must have started this liveblog on the 27th; it is now oct 10, so you can see how busy my life is) clipping the fun intro but that horse whinney is the typical stock audio

Wow pretty people

Castle already looks kinda normal.

RC: Best honeymoon ever.

*Right out of the stagecoach KB steps into a pile of horse poop. She cringes.*

Love his outfit!!

James Grady. That's like James Jim Brady who disappeared mysteriously with Absolom Abbie Halkett. Love the language they use 'round here btw. Red bandannas is a good marker for the hands I think.

Aww upgraded them! Oh wait she was emailing about the fact that she was in room 14, the snake key wasn't relevant

JG: That’s my missus. Like yours, she runs the show here.

Castle speaking reminds me of firefly.

She's soo pretty

RC: Whoa. This is like, three fantasies coming true all at one. Only thing missing is … Gentlemen James, where do we get the replica guns? (he gestures shooting) Like yours. JG: Replica? Son, this is Arizona. It’s open carry.

Colt 45 babes

RC: (awed) I want to be him when I grow up. KB: (shrugs) Well yeah, if you grow up. JG: It’s all about practice, which you can do with one of our firearms, available for purchase at our gift shop. They just sell guns at gift shops in arizona? what!?!?

you mean ESPOSITO was wrong abt it being her bunk key.

RC: Are you looking for disinfectant? KB: Clues. Remember? Whitney was staying here. except she was NOT... this was not her room key.

whether we like it or not (big bro said aww)

He opens a door that turns out to be to the bathroom. But the bathroom isn’t empty. Tobias: Howdy, partner. RC shuts the door and turns back to KB. RC: I don’t know if it comes with the room, but there’s a naked cowboy shaving in our bathroom. This scene killed me. Just closes the door back on him. Tobias: Well, I guess when they found out that me and her both enjoyed chasing cowboys they figured what the heck. VERY authentic Tobias: I like my coffee like I like my men: strong, black, and bitter.

Tea (scandalbroth) (big bro loves this, he says "I love this faggot")

Of course they have a gay gossip at the cowboy honeymoon retreat. KB: So we procrastinate and make stuff up?

Well because you're more physically capable of hogtying beckett, you're the angry cop with training, he's the physically big writer who fences. But he gave you gunslinging!

they're allowed their phones?

Looove the outfits btw but I'm not taking a pic rn I have no time & don't have em standing beside each other.

KB: Hey Ryan, how’s it going? KR: Oh, wonderful. In fact, we were just discussing your nuptials. JE: Not the actual event, since neither of us were there. KB: Guys, is this really why you’re calling? KR: Partly, yes. JE: And we have news. Here’s the good: MTA cameras show that Whitney’s bags were left on the subway. KR: Here’s the bad news: they were stolen by a homeless man. But we put out a BOLO. Hopefully somebody will recognize him.

Wax covered cardboard? I thought that was like a broccoli case

She can tie up castle like how the bear tying class unus annus did tied up mark

Look at her nice & red dress

RC: I’ll take a coffin varnish. Bartender (who looks kinda cool ig): Some what? RC: You know, a gut warmer. Face burner. Nose paint? Cowboy cocktail? (the BARTENDER looks at him blankly) What do you all call whiskey here? Bartender: Whiskey RC: *flails his hand*

my man has an eyepatch wait XD keep an eye out! Castle!

Ollie: This isn’t a ring. It’s a noose.

Oh the bells are the signal for the ace up the sleeve thing & time for the gunfight.

Whitney did! *doesn't talk to whitney bc she dead* Ollie! Up high! Good on Castle for faking it with Ollie & Ollie for playing along so they can have their fight in private. Great dynamic. But the interruption made them both chill out a bit more.

Ranch key! *lock breaks*

Nice blowtorch but where the heck is it?

Dynamite IS covered in waxed paper but I thought of broccoli lol

Oh no we are going to receive some good old fashioned racism. My fnmi ass sitting over here waiting tensely 1876 babey!

CLIPPING RYAN ESPOSITO XD XD castle could have totally greased a palm for a truck.

15 miles on horseback? 4mph, that's 3 & a half hours or so bought himself a gun lol. I mean hey I'm anti gun but I love a sixshot. wait his& hers wedding gift guns? lmao that's great! But how will they get them back home?

love the fire there. If they're at a canter the entire way they could get there in 1h but thet ain't happening.

Yavapai dude: Seriously? You’re rolling up to the reservation dressed like extras from a Gene Autry movie? That’s some real cultural insensitivity. KB: Sorry. Sir, we didn’t mean any offense. We’re – we’re vacationing at Diamondback. YD: Yeah, I figured that. I was just messing with you folks. Relax.

Loooove languages. I watch murdoch mysteries & a lot of the languages are algonquian which means that since I know a bit of cree I can sometimes parse what they mean but these are words farther south. I don't know em.

KB: Yeah. I mean, the historical society, the Yavapai word, the dynamite. How does all of that add up to someone poisoning Whitney? It just doesn’t make sense.

He DID learn smth at the harmonica class!!! Cruising down the river? Let me call you sweetheart I'm in love with you? Magical, drinking champagne out of tin cups. Which one of them knew how to start a fire. *stripping* *there's a snake* *beckett fucking shoots it!?!?* *ryan & esposito run*

ryan & esposito look good now but esposito was different yesterday

the peacock boys?

first name Javi Castle stuttering

right, always the barkeep even if there was no mistranslation it would still happen just from english to english

the dam!

RC: Of course I want to go after the gold! It’s gold! he's done treasure hunts with her before uwu

Slim's a girl! Clyde is whitney's father!

Mm music! fake eagle (red tailed hawk) sound effect them thar hills

He told her to go first but he's first in... RC: Because it’s still here. For over a century, fifty ingots of pure gold have been trapped in this cold, dark tomb, waiting patiently to be rescued. (he kneels by the trunk) You hear that, Beckett? You hear them calling?

That's not gold!

That's blunt force trauma!

Pd? phillip dagmar? I thought it was Police Department typical cops "it DOES make u look guilty"

Bro said "it's them" bc the sheffir didn't want beckett to investigate in the first place but now daisy mae & the sherrif are taking beckett one way & james grady is taking castle alone the other way...

& I suddenly remember the rest of the episode, big bro is not far off.

Clyde "just fell" (& you cradled him as he died which is why YOUR shirt was bloody) Who was your other partner? Cut to: big bro's prediction

The slight pushzoom there...

*got his gun* it would be fun if the barkeep just shoots him (-big bro) But his gun ould have the safety on, but possibly a bullet in the chamber.

oh the barkeep IS there! *just ducks down a bit*

"residance in the bone ortchard" or castle you COULD sit down & have another drink & pretend you didn't hear the call from ryan & let jimmy get away (& then go after him later)

of cour'se it's a deus ex machina

RC: good thing I married the fastest gun from the east

Ooh beckett's corset tho it's a bit tight but still nice.

they like to bitch ig but it is not even GOOD bitching sometimes. kind of annoying. & "we're the reason they fell in love in the first place" where's your justification there? When you were complaining TO THEM it was FUN! now it is not in the fun way it's just bitchy & salty.

JE: Nah, nah. You know what really gets me? Is that they only invited immediate family. What, we’re not family? KR: More like poor relations. VG hangs back and listens to them talk. KR: And we’re probably the reason they fell in love in the first place. JE: Right? VG: You know, I’ve been listening to your bellyaching for the last few days. And I have to ask, *calm voice* VG, still calm voice: what the hell’s wrong with you two? (the way she says it is so good but she's also right) JE: Come on, sir. It doesn’t bother you? VG: You really want to know what I think, Detectives? *Ryan goes to say something. Maybe. He moves his mouth.* VG: I think that the two of you should stop whining like two little schoolgirls who weren’t invited to the dance and be happy that your friends, you very dear friends, have found a way to make it work. Especially after all the hell those two have been through. Now, that’s what I think. She gives them a pointed look. They’re chastised. KR: Well, when you put it that way … JE: Yeah, I mean, I guess in some opinions we have been kind of jerks about it, so … KR: Right. VG: Yeah. You have. But, if you’re interested there might be something you can do to make it up to them. She smiles. They’re skeptical. *Looks to esposito for a sec*

"you didn't invite us to your wedding" "Yeah well I named horses after you"

she lassooed him with her hog tying skills!

supposed to be a wedding dress; is a stripper dress *walking to her tied up* two vacation days is not a lot but four is a lot.

They get two honeymoons!

Well now, that was fun! & I did spend a bit over an hour & a half... esp when you consider I already watched some earlier but shush I had fun & this is a rare occurrance these days with how demanding school has been. Man trade school is a lot of work.

[cishetamine]

the worst person in the world (2021) letterboxd review (already crossposted this to twt but reposting here for………'research'[you'll see)]

funny how i originally thought this movie was adapted from a novel even BEFORE a major character contracted a terminal illness (aka like one of the most common things that can happen to a character in a Realistic Fiction Novel, right after infidelity). it just has that MFA vibe!

this movie feels like a deceptive advertisement for living in norway. isn't it mostly cold there ? (update: i have looked up the average winter monthly temperatures in oslo & theyre actually pretty much the same as where i live. whooops!!)

the music in this is good when it’s good & rly annoying when it’s not

hilarious and insane that norway’s indie comics scene is (or is at least depicted as being) exactly the same as in the US—i.e., dominated by edgy cishet dudes all too willing to use mere shock factor as an excuse for originality

like…he has characters whose names are translated as “Dick Wolf Dick” & “Pedo the Parrot” which, come ON but also that literally is what these guys are like……like. So true besty

& yet ! i also can't help but sympathize w/ the comic boyfriend re: the Great Endless Cancel Culture Debate bc ppl have also told me stuff like, “i hate all the people in your comics”

which like! Fair, i don't intend for my characters to be Nice People (well ok some of them are well-intentioned but also kinda hopeless/lost causes)

but also the bf (well, ex-bf—in more ways than 1!!) is exactly right—comics are where i put all the horrible thoughts in my brain that i can’t exorcize by any other means!

love that she shares my hobby of “lying to strangers at parties”……she’s so cool

this movie has a lot of fun little moments that feel pointily realistic: (e.g.: getting interrupted repeatedly while fooling around w/ someone at a party bc you’ve decided to canoodle one another in the Designated Bed Where Everyone Puts Their {Admittedly Extremely Soft + Sensual} Coats, and now everyone is coming to get their jackets & keeps walking in on u while you're trying to snog)

^ another such moment: when her dad says that the link to the libfem girlpower-vibes sex article she wrote doesn’t work, & it’s up to us to decide if there’s actually an issue with his phone or he was just being squeamish abt sex

i wouldn’t call these "wow just like irl lmao" moments exactly the same as the ones in a coen bros movie, but they’re similar imo ? like, those are always my favorite things abt their films (the violence is fine but usually kind of boring to me at this point. like, okay, he has a gun, great. can we bring back the wood chipper? no, too expensive? well how about the cattle stunner thingy, do you still have that thingamajig laying around?)

nah i'm talking like, the way they make the pauses in an ordinary conversation as awkwardly real as possible. ofc when they do it it's often bc there's some sort of double entendre[not necessarily sexual] going on, like w/ the confusion re: the kidnapping in fargo or the student trying to cheat in a serious man. but lebowski has a lot of fun realistic conversationy stuff that's just plain weird, which i guess i'm comparing this more to?

wait. Holy shit. is it at all true that “most women don’t like giving blowjobs”!?!?!?!? Like What the FUCK. is this a straight vs gay thing??? i don’t get it……what could turn u on more than being good at making yr partner cum??? (ok well i can think of several things actually but literally why are u having sex w/ someone unless it’s mutually enjoyable i——???? honestly this was maybe the least believable part of the movie 4 me :// can straight women PLEASE weigh in on thisPLEAAAASEEEEE!!!!!!)

re: “they’ve housebroken bobcat” I HAVE TO KNOW whether the bit abt removing the cartoon cat’s butthole was in response to CATS (2019).

this movie feels like propaganda from the norwegian board of tourism. case in point: basically all of the action happens in summer. also, that scene where she runs outside and the world is frozen in time feels kinda like an ad. sorry if my brain has been broken by america superb owl commercial culture :(

it’s fascinating to see a film that’s so contemporary & relatable but also not quite my own life??? kinda like the gaggle of cishet-presenting girls i saw on the train recently—bc i was aware of most of the celebrity gossip & news stuff they were talking abt, but i still came away feeling like i inhabit a very different—albeit parallel—world from them. for more context, here is my best try at a transcript of their convo: www.tumblr.com/cishetamine/701574180800479232/lily-rose-depp-they-were-calling-her-a-nepo

(p.s. please don't get mad at me for snooping on strangers, i'm just one of many credulous clods who once heard that u can get better at writing by transcribing how ppl really talk. & from there i got obsessed w/ doing this whenever someone is having an interesting convo near me. also most importantly, i didn't write down any personally identifying info & also these ppl are totally anonymous anyway. so plz enjoy @ yr leisure!)

love how this dude reminisces abt being a Record Store / Video Store / Comic Store guy !!! i.e., he’s an alt bro!!! love that for him. it's so cute that norway has hipsters too<3 squee!

also luv how "i just took a dna test turns out / i'm 3.1% sami" is the norwegian equivalent of “my great grandmother was a cherokee princess” cosplaying indigeneity

^ overall tho, the extinction rebellion-core gf feels kinda way too flat & one-note……but also i literally know ppl who are like that!! like i've had friends who were into radical veganism + environmentalism & it did seem kind of culty……which is not to say that ppl shouldn't be vegan or environmentalist, of course! but i have absolutely seen it turn into Unhealthy Polycule Drama & we've just seen where that leads, cough FTX / EAs, cough

no but it’s fascinating how this depiction of norwegian ~radical~ environmentalism compares to the scene in the US. for instance i feel like i’ve never heard an american state that they chose not to fly across the ocean bc it would increase their carbon footpri——wait no actually yes i have heard this, but specifically in the context of academic conferences, never like, regarding travel for fun. Interesting difference here!

(^ also, those were basically only professors on twitter who were saying that, not ppl i know in real life. so another level of remove from me)

[meanwhile i would chop off one of my less-important fingers in exchange for being able to fly across the ocean, environment be damned] [anyway tbh i figure it wouldn’t be thaaaaaat evil so long as i was able to stay in that other country for at least several months, as opposed to business travelers who frequently fly back & forth. but i would want to stay bc i would be desperate to learn the language!

which language, you ask? why, my answer is—Yes!]

anyway enough feeling sorry for myself for not being rich. time to feel sorry for imaginary movie ppl instead!

“i don’t want to be the sensible choice while she’s the sexy one” damn that makes a lot of sense! i definitely feel that re: pressure to be Exciting & Spontaneous & Ever-Flexible so that ppl will find u attractive / alluring instead of setting boundaries (given the choice between setting a boundary vs having sex with someone hot, i will almost always choose the latte——ah, but you see, posting this in a public forum where people i've had sex with can read it is itself an act of performati——

So about the main character. We don’t get much interiority of her, like aside from the stuff at the beginning abt her various major + career changes, we don't get to hear directly the thoughts she is thinking—not just bc we don't hear much in the way of interior monologue, but also bc she doesn't explain herself to the ppl around her.

like, she didn't tell her then-bf that there was in fact another guy—which like, honestly, if i were in her situation, i might also take the coward's route! especially if she feared jealous retribution from her current bf. but we don't know if she fears that, bc we never see her talk to her FRIENDS, bc for all we know, she doesn't have any!!!!

which feels very……hard for me to believe? bc i have never met a woman who did not have Friends. (& supposedly guys tend to have fewer pals, but even they usually seem to at least have like, Gamer Buds, idk! i know i always did back when i was a Gamer in high school, even if i was kinda withdrawn irl.)

so i'm left wondering—are we supposed to see her as genuinely friendless? & if so, what does that say abt her?

or are we just supposed to assume that the movie doesn't want to show her friends? if that's the case, why would it make that decision??

if we as viewers are supposed to actually believe that she doesn't have friends that she can confide in whom she is not romantically involved with……it rly paints a very specific (& melancholy!) picture of her as a person. bc that's a stereotype i mostly associate w/ Isolated Guys, but yet she is not that! (i would like to be her friend & talk abt photography..)

still not sure how i feel abt the freeze-time gimmick. Like on the 1 hand—it’s giving crazy ex girlfriend tv show. But also………idk it looks kinda cool regardless!

between this & tár, i feel sooo…………something abt watching 2 movies in a short timespan that contain Bitingly Contemporary Cancellation Scenes, & also cell phones………i………hmm.

thinking abt gretchen from twitter, a noble woman fighting for a just cause (telling adult YA fans to get a life), yet whose ratioing ultimately feels sorta pyrrhic to me, such that i have to wonder if it's worth the stress it presumably causes her.

but also, i am much more of a wimp than many people! for instance, a lot of ppl are strong tough athletes who put themselves thru a lot of pain because they find it enjoyable overall! whereas personally i only do exercise when i can convince myself that it's fun (e.g., biking places, swimming in water that isn't freezing cold)

so what i'm saying is perhaps gretchen sees being a Culture Warrior as a noble pursuit &/or lives for the thrill of the takedown, whereas i'm probably conflict-averse to a fault. (also, on a materialist level, she gets plenty of publicity for fighting the good fight—& as an author, building an audience is pretty crucial to keeping the lights on!)

anyway, right—the reason i'm thinking abt her at all in the context of this film is bc of the Cancel Culture Scene. bc i'm sympathetic to both the comics artist himself as well as his critics—bc like gretchen & her supporters always say, i believe artists have the right to be messy & sexual & graphic & painful & problematic & difficult to untangle……both bc i prefer to consume art (like this movie!) that fits that description, & bc that's ultimately the kind of work i would like to create.

but what's weird abt the tv interview in the gym in this movie is that we don't really even get to see exactly what the feminists debating the comics boyfriend are actually mad at him about. it's all vague—probably bc the point isn't the debate itself so much as its effect on his ex-gf! (& we know this bc the camera spends hella time tracking her facial reactions throughout this scene, as opposed to focusing primarily on the ex-boyfriend being interviewed.)

(btw for the record, i've read some of gretchen's writing but not a huge amount, & i think she's quite talented at describing compelling visual scenes, but i do worry that some of her political commentary is just so on-the-nose that it isn't as funny as it wants to be?

like, sure, i hate raytheon tenderqueers as much as any Good Leftoid! obviously imperialist militaries are evil & should be systematically dismantled, & it's sickening seeing the cynical liberal war machine attempt to suck us gays into its awful whirling gears.

but—as we saw with countless lib comedians attempting to parody trump—just bc you're making fun of something genuinely bad, doesn't mean your jokes are automagically hilarious!)

oh right, i was building toward something—namely: it feels like there's 3 sides in the big Cancel Culture Debate these days:

(mostly but not solely) christian right-wingers who hate the gays

young people who ummm [takes a full minute to check something on my phone] believe barnes & noble should sort books by tone indicator & who think fujoshis will trigger the third impact

cool edgy trans ppl caught in the middle of these 2 groups, martyred like that one saint mishima used to jack off to & permitted to do any crime so long as it is judged as being sufficiently badass by the Council of Trans Elders

anyway i was just gonna say: you know how sun tzu art of war has that thing abt how u should make your enemies fight each other instead of u fighting on 2 sides at once?

yeah, i think we should come up with a new discourse designed to do exactly that. or maybe get the evangelicals & catholics to fight again over whether asexual priests are valid or if they have to be volcel to really count. hopefully they'll wear themselves out, & our[if i may be so bold as to number myself among the Edgy Trans] troops of keyboard warriors will be able to reenter the fray refreshed to fight another day!

[lilyhoshikawa]

f u t ab a sakur a

(note: vane also sent this one in, so I’m counting it for both dndjdn)

– Overall opinion of them

I lov lov lov taba!! Of course!!! I think she’s one of the most interesting persona 5 characters by far and her story is so so good, and so real and raw to so many ppl, and her personality is so cute and the way she develops and forms bonds w/ the thieves and recovers slowly, I think it’s really cool and so many of her behaviors are relatable too. Wonderful girl.

– Gender/sexuality headcanons

She’s trans!! This is so obvious to me dhdkfj it seems so inherent to her character to me. I also HC her as bi but leaning way way way heavy into girls. She crushes on a lot of the gals she meets including Ann, Makoto and Kasumi and bein gay for girls is just inherent for her dndkfn.

– Favorite moment in canon

There are so many moments that are really good but the two biggest ones have gotta be when she enters her own palace, and the scene where she stands up for Sojiro in the custody arc. Those are moments where she really pushes past her anxiety and fear to be strong and stand up for the family she’s developed and it’s just really good.

– Favorite moment in a fanwork

Dhdjdjdj in Deja Vu vane does a real good thing where Ren doesn’t enter the palace, and instead he stays and texts Taba outside her door, and this means we get a lot more development with her in the real world and she starts forming that connection we get to see, and it’s a lot of fun! It makes the slow growth feel much more natural.

– Favorite line, in canon or otherwise

Shdjbdkf honestly?? There are so many good lines and I’d be here forever trying to find them all… the one that jumps out to me without effort is just her saying “that’s why I’m happy staying with my dad” abt Sojiro, it’s the start to her welcoming in her found family and I like that a lot.

– Characters I love seeing them interact with

For one, Ren! They’re siblings! And their dynamic is really sweet and cute and comfy. Also, Ann! I have this HC that Futaba has a one-sided crush on Ann and Ann knows this (bc it’s super obvious dhdkdn) and is flattered even if she doesn’t reciprocate. And it’s really cute! Also also, Kasumi!! They’re good and they’re both autistic trans gals and they gay…… oh!! And I almost forgot Morgana!!!! Dhdjfjf. They’re navigator buddies and they love each other.

– Last thing before sleeping headcanons

Taba has such bad sleep habits, she keeps herself closed in a dark room a lot and even after she starts recovering her sleep cycles and internal clock are messed up, so she tends to pass out at random intervals, whenever she’s sleepy. She just decides “sleep time”, puts on some music or other audio, and lays down in bed fjdkfn.

– Sleeping habits headcanons

She’s got a biiiig bed of stuffed animals that she sleeps in a big pile of! She gets paranoid at night and likes to have company even if it’s plush. She also likes it when someone will just be in the room with her while she sleeps, or Morgana will lay on her bed with her. She likes to clutch a stuffed animal while she sleeps, for security.

– First thing after waking up headcanons

She usually wakes up groggy and confused and has to immediately check her phone to see what time it is dhdjfn. Then she goes and checks her texts and other apps to see what she missed while she was asleep.

– Favorite locations headcanon

Leaving her room and her house was hard, and most locations continue to feel scary and a bit unsafe for Taba for a long time, but she comes to love LeBlanc. It’s familiar, even if she spent some time away. It’s full of familiar people she trusts, provides food and coffee, and it’s just short enough of a walk from home to be safe while just far enough to feel rewarding to have to trek to.

[anti-pasto]

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon: 

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

 197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

 193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of 

191: My 1st car was:  94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

 189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4  xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

 182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

 181: On my calendar:  i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

 180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

 179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can. 

 177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

 [ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

 166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

 164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

 161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

 [ This or That ]

 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

 151: Red heads or Black haired:  irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

 143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

 140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 

 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

 131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

 128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what 

 [ Here’s What I Think About ]

 122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already 

 121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

 120: Gay Marriage:  be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

 118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

 115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy. 

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

 112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

 107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition. 

 105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

 [ Last time I ] 

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

 102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

 97: Swam in a pool: last week

 96: Changed a diaper: never

 95: Got my nails done: never

 94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

 92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

 [ MISC ] 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

 85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

 84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here. 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

 81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band? 

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

 76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

 71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

 69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

 68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

 66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

 65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

 63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

 62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

 59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

 58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

 55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well. 

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

 50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

 48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

 47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

 41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

 [ My Favorites ] 

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

 35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

 33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

 28: Band: fall out boy 

 27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

 26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man 

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

 23: Website: tumblr or youtube

 22: Animal: snow leopard 

 21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

 15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience 

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

 12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

 10: Restaurant: chiplote

 9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

 4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

 3: Comedian: john maulaney

 2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

[painandpleasure86]

I Cannot Believe It’s True

A/N: Hi there ppl! I never participated in a ship week like this time… Thank u Mel aka @roger-taylors-car for hosting this special week ❤️

This little DeazelloNeighbors'AU haves the previous chapters:

Ch #1 “My new neighbor it’s my crush”: https://painandpleasure86.tumblr.com/post/190777536948/my-new-neighbor-its-my-crush-deazzello-week

Ch #2 “Gimme your comfort, I suffer of love”: https://painandpleasure86.tumblr.com/post/190796228203/gimme-your-comfort-i-suffer-of-love-deazello

Ch #3 “Life-changing decisions (and a lot of suspects)”: https://painandpleasure86.tumblr.com/post/190811616233/life-changing-decisions-a-lot-of-suspects

Oh! This time, I took the prompts Valentine’s Day and Cheating.

I deleted previous post because I posted it so late and with some imperfections... Also, yesterday was an occupied day (plus Valentine’s Day date with my bf). Sorry :(

I hope to post for Day 6.

Summary: a disaster was about to start…

Warning: Angst, Fluff and a pinch of humor.

Word count: 2300

Permanent taglist: @warriorteam1924 @toomuchlove-willkillyou @deakysgurl (if you want to be in this list, send me a msg or ask)

If you liked it, please reblog! That will help me to reach to more ppl :3

***********************************

Were long days without him. He wasn’t that happy. But, taking what he learned in acting school, he always was smiling, being kind, working hard in the dance studio.

A nice way to cheer him up was, ironically, help to Ronnie. Joe really liked that woman. She always was so kind, smiley and also even after 6 kids she still was beautiful. He couldn’t deny that, even being gay. “John straight taste was nice”.

How he helped to the mistress? Taking care of the children meanwhile she was to buy some groceries, gone to the hairdresser for her dye or meanwhile she was taking a bath or cooking.

Robert and Michael were old enough to take care (Robert was almost 19 and Michael almost 17) even Laura with almost 15 years; so he took care of the three youngest. To him, was so great. He loved baby Cam, and Luke that he was starting to walk… Joshua had 10 years old, but he also kept an eye over him.

Once he trapped Josh looking for porn mags at his dad’s office.

“How you know that? Isn’t something of your age”. asked Joe to the boy.

“I trapped to my dad once with his hands under the table and I asked what he was doing”, replied Josh without shame. He continued talking. “The strange thing is, that in that pics I didn’t saw women… but I didn’t found it repulsive at all. They’re getting sex between them because they’re alone and… they also have needs”.

That words couldn’t came from his own.

“You really thinks like that?”

“Were words of my Dad and looks credible to me”.

Joe couldn’t found words then to explain that Josh dad was gay.

“Please don’t tell to my dad that I found his mags with that naked men… and never to my mom!” begged Joshua.

“Promise” and Joe extended his right pinky finger.

The guy understood the signal and extended the pinky finger from his left hand and intertwined it with Joe’s pinky finger, smiling.

“Redhead power!” said Joe, raising his left arm.

Josh laughed.

“We’re the best!” exclaimed Josh.

That happy smile made Joe being sad internally. Josh was like a little redhead John.

Laura always was watching at Joe with love eyes. And was paradise to her when she hurted a bit one of his feet and Joe hugged her to comfort her. When Joe listened “y-your pa-parfum it’s so nice” he could knew that Laura was better. “Yeah sweetie, your dad also loved it…” thought Joe.

Ronnie didn’t left to Joe to grab Cameron often, but when that happened… he felt like he was with some of his younger cousins or better, with a step brother. That baby was his weakness. “You’re a cute boy!” he often said to the baby, giving a  smooch in the little forehead. Cameron always gave in response a cute giggle. But this time, that happy face didn’t made him remember to John. Cam haves Ronnie’s face.

———-

February 11th Ronnie received a call when Joe was around there.

“Take care of Cam and Luke please” said her, running to the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi Ronnie!”

“John!!! How are you? we’re missing you here!”

The man smiled.

“I’m tired Ronnie. I just want to stay at home…”

“When you will come back?” asked the mistress.

“I’ll be there before Valentine’s Day. Tomorrow.”

Ronnie told to her offsprings “Dad will comeback tomorrow!” They smiled... And Luke said “Dad?” His first word.

Ronnie started to cry. She grabbed Luke in her arms.

“Ron.. Ron?”

“Oh sorry John! Luke told his first word, finally!! Come on son!”

The toddler didn’t wanted to say anything.

“Put him in the phone”

The baby started to listen his dad’s voice.

“How are you, little bud? I miss you so much!”

The baby didn’t said anything, just giggled.

Joe, having Cameron in his arms, watched at Luke’s eyes and cheer him up to speak. “Come on Luke, you can do it little champ!”

And Luke said “J-joe!”, pointing at the redhead.

John couldn’t react.

--

(In Montreux)

Roger saw John paralyzed with the phone in his hand and against his left ear.

“Deaky… are you okay mate?”

Trying to speak, he responded “Luke said his first word… and wasn’t mom or dad. Was the name of my new neighbor”

“Oh I see that Ronnie it’s having fun without you, then” joked Roger.

Deaky watched at Roger pretty annoyed. With that face. He preferred to not answer and continue talking with his family.

Roger approached to Brian then.

“John it’s acting rare..”

“Well, Roger, he’s so sensitive. Perhaps he isn’t in the mood to joke as he used to be.”

“No, not only for that. When he mentioned a couple of times to his neighbor, his cheeks flushed and his eyes brightened a bit.”

“You’re right Roger. I see that he loves to his neighbor” joked Bri.

“I think that’s serious. That he’s a kind of platonic love of John. But deaky didn’t wanted to accept. You know how’s deaky with things about his private life. If he didn’t want to tell to us, better not ask”

“I know it Roger. I know at the same person. I just hope that, at least he can have a nice Valentine’s Day.”

-------

Ronnie was asking “John? Are you there? John?”

“Sorry Ron. Roger made me a bad joke.”

“Haha! Do you wanna talk with the kids?”

“Sure”.

Joshua and Laura approached to the phone and talked a bit with their dad.

Meanwhile, Ronnie told to Joe “thank you for your help, really! The kids loved you!”

Joe smiled and his cheeks turned red.

“Now you’re the one with their cheeks flushed” joked Ronnie.

Both laughed.

“Was an honor Ronnie. Your kids are so great. And this little bud” pointing to Cameron with his chin “the cutest baby ever… well also Luke, haha! Don’t be jealous, man!” he added, caressing a bit Luke’s head.

Joshua screamed “mum, dad want that Cam listen his voice”.

Joe, watching at the woman, said “take to this bud.”

“No Joe. Gave to John a surprise and speak with him!” exclaimed the woman.

Joey, holding Cameron with his left arm and hand, took the phone and he said “Hi sir”

Another moment of silence for the bassist.

“John? Are you listening me?” asked worried Joe.

---

Meanwhile, John’s bandmates watched to him staring in silence.

“Joey” he finally replied in a sigh and smiling.

“See… he’s in love with that man” pointed Roger watching the scene.

“Let John alone Roger! If he’s happy…” said Brian. “Let’s coming back to our business” concluded.

----

“I- erm we miss you John… also this little guy that I have in arms! I must to confess that I love to be with your family”

“Even Ronnie?” John joked.

“Of course! I was helping her these last days.”

“It’s ironic… but well! Put me to my son to the phone please… we will talk tomorrow Joey.”

“Okay."

Joe approximate the phone to Cam’s left ear.

"Hi my little piece of heaven! How are you?” he said with the softest voice ever.

The baby giggled intensely.

“Dad loves you so much!”

The baby babbled.

All there were smiling for that cute scene.

Joe took the phone again and said “to Ronnie again?”

“No Joey. That’s all. See ya soon. Lov- take care of yourself”.

“Bye John”.

Both hung up.

Joe said “I think that I should to go to home…” and gave Cameron to Ronnie.

“Stay for the dinner, I even made a lactose free dessert for you”, she said, receiving to her youngest one.

Kissing to Ronnie in one cheek, he replied “I’d love that. But I want to sleep. I need that.”

“It’s okay Joe. Come tomorrow to have dinner with John please. He would be so happy to see you when he come back”.

“Tomorrow I’ll be here.” And watching to Cameron, he said “bye bud!”. Luke said “Joei” and extended his arms. Joe hugged to the little boy that was sat in the floor. “Bye champ!”

Josh and Joe made their “redhead power” salute.

“MICHAEL, COME HERE TO OPEN THE DOOR TO JOE” screamed Ronnie

He was until the stairs and said “No. Look how I’m dressed, plus outside it’s cold.”

“Excuses Mike, when Samantha came here you were dressed with that pajamas and you didn’t cared at all to go outside and close the main door” replied Laura, kinda upset.

Michael couldn’t respond better thing that “It’s better that you go to open the door to him, I listened how you says sometimes I love you joeeeeey ” meanwhile you’re sleeping.”

Laura’s cheeks were extra red. Mike made his bad action for that day.

Joshua started to mock Laura, but Ronnie stopped him.

Joe, in response of Mike’s confession, hugged Laura.

“You’re so cute, I like your style, and I know what you mean when you give me a flash of that smile but girl, you’re only a child ” Joe sung.

Laura laughed for the reference.

“I love that song, have my age! That’s so cool”.

“Great, but also there it says why I don’t reply to your flirth”

“I know... but anyways you’re so beautiful”.

Leaving the embrace, both walked to the main door. Laura still having that blush...

————--------------------------------------------------

John came back. Finally. And was huge his surprise when he saw Joe in the familiar table.

“Joe? Here? I-”

He stared at the scene and his offsprings came to greet him.

“You will say Dad again?” the man asked to his son Luke.

“Joei… Dad” pointing to Joe.

John laughed and hugged to the toddler.

“Luke really likes you Joe. Thank you for help to Ronnie” said with Luke in his arms.

“And you don’t greet me?” asked Ronnie giving a kiss in John’s lips.

Joe was a bit jealous.

Josh made a disgust expression.

“Hi Ron, this meal smell so delicious! Sorry, i’m hungry…” And watching at his youngest in Ronnie’s arms, he said “Hi my little piece of heaven!”

Leaving to Luke in his special chair, he said to Ronnie “I need to talk something with Joe…We will comeback soon.” In a whisper, he added “I’ll pay something for came to help you”. The men disappeared.

Both men were to the studio of John,there they hugged so tight for five minutes. Just hugged. In silence.

“I missed you so much Joe.” said finally the bassist.

“Me too… being here cheered me up, until I recognized that almost all your kids have the same smile that you have.” admitted Joe.

“Was masochist then” said the elder, leaving the embrace and caressing the right cheek of Joe.

“No… Well a bit. But was fun. I love to your children John.” replied the redhead. “And I love you. I do since a lot of time.” That last words were the speech that once his father caught saying to the mirror. Grabbing John’s face with both hands, he added  “Before knowing you in person I loved you. Now, even more. You’re the one…” and gave to him a sweet kiss in his lips. “Let me be your Valentine… the only one.”

John down his sight.

“I want that… but I can’t. My kids. My family…”

Walking to the door, Joe started to cry and say “You should think a bit more in you!” and watched at that greenish eyes again.

“Have the balls to do it, please. You’re happy with me, no? You told me how nice was to be alone and hug me… Don’t refuse to be happy” and he covered his face with his hands. Were a lot of tears.

After a couple of minutes, he said “I’ll go to the bathroom to wash my face. I don’t want that everyone watch at my eyes and ask me what happened”

When he opened the door, Joshua and Laura were there. They listened enough.

“Are you the boyfriend of my dad?” asked Laura, surprised.

“I’ll better call to mum” said Joshua serious.

“NO JOSH, COME HERE” screamed John and running behind him.

But John couldn’t catch to his son.

Meanwhile, Joe asked to Laura “Why you’re listening private conversations?”

“Mum wanted to call you and Dad because the chicken was ready, and well, instead of knock, we stared listening to dad and you talking… You’re the boyfriend, no?”

A question that Joe was about to reply, but Ronnie and the rest of her children were there.

“Kids, to your rooms… This is an adult conversation. Mike, take care of Luke and Cam meanwhile, please”.

Michael, with his brother Cameron in arms, said to Laura “I told you that those screamings were moans! And you didn’t wanted to believe me!”

Laura entered to her room, crying.

——–

Ronnie closed the door of the studio. Joe and John were there.

“I cannot believe it’s true… You, again... cheated on me… WITH A MAN! IN OUR HOUSE! BECAUSE NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY JOE SCREAMED. HE MOANED!!” Watching to Joe, she continued speaking… “YOU, PLAYED WITH ME AND MY KIDS, ACTING LIKE A KIND MAN. WHY YOU DID THIS TO MY FAMILY?”

“Ronnie, y-”

“DON’T CALL ME OF THAT WAY AGAIN JOSEPH.”

Watching to John, she added “AND YOU… GO AWAY OF THIS HOUSE. GRAB YOUR THINGS NOW”

“Veronica, I wanted to tell this soon…”

“HAHA… You know something John? I don’t believe you”.

The woman left the room, crying.

---------------

Both men left the house.  

“I’ll take a taxi and I’ll pass the night in an hotel. Again.” John told to Joe.

“Well John, in some moment that should happen…”

Both hugged tightly again.

“Love you John”.

“Love you Joe”.

And Joe started to go to his house.

Now there, his parents asked to Joe “What happened there? We listened some argues”

“Ronnie discovered that John cheated on her…” and, watching to his father, added “With me” replied Joe.

****************************

Again, if you liked it, please reblog! That will help me to reach to more ppl :3

Cheers, Lily

[arofili]

twenty-seventmeme

so there was a disappointing lack of meme compilations last year so i took it upon myself to chronicle the memes of 2017. in roughly chronological order of when i realized ‘oh shit that’s a meme i should put that on my list’, & with minimal commentary of my own opinions. enjoy my interpretation of a bunch of visual jokes translated to text

posted 12/28/17

hollyweed / changing the hollywood sign to say other weird shit

that gif of christian bale and kermit nodding to each other in solemn agreement

punching richard spencer in the face / punching nazis

that comic where it goes "no fear / [something weird] / one fear"

my name is cow, i lik the bred

pineapple on pizza

cash me outside how bout dat

lazytown

you can’t [bad thing] if you [poor decision] (w/ the pic of the guy tapping his forehead)

nintendo logo on things that aren’t nintendo products

the trend of “let’s make this a meme”

lemony snicket narrating things

wrong name at the oscars

that reaction gif of the white guy who blinks like he doesn’t know why this shit is happening like ‘bitch what did u say’

what in tarnation / cowboy hat snapchat filter

student athlete meme

the drake meme of him dancing weird next to one pic of something you’re into & then another pic next to something you are into

expanding brain

roses are red poem, but the last two lines are replaced by an image that calls to mind a reference/another meme that rhymes in the reader’s head (i fucking hated this one, idk if i was doing it wrong but the pic always fucked up the rhythm of the poem)

newsflash asshole, [x] has been [y] the entire goddamn time!

begone THOT

Jughead’s “I’m weird, look at my hat” monologue from that shitty tv show

“guess I’ll die”

John C. Miller, CEO and President of the Denny’s Corporation, is a capitalist running dog and his wealth must be seized and redistributed to the people

‘playlist for my crush’ but it’s actually some quote from something

guy holding the 'he is gay' signs next to pics of some character op headcanons as gay

the ‘normal people/creative people’ comic

thAT tHINg whERE yoU caPITalIZE partS oF thE wOrds WIth thE SpONGEbOB PiC

griffin mcelroy with a finger over his lips and a sign that says “...you know ;)”

and i feel [emotion] in the Chili’s tonight

cracking a cold one open with the boys

while you were [x], i studied the blade

the floor is [x] ; followed by a picture of someone either floating above or lying on the floor depending on whether [x] is positive or negative

[cryptid] is real [pronoun] [performed sexual act or commenced illegal activity] behind a [fast food restaurant or regional liminal store] at [very late or very early hour of the day] (phrasing credit @peachdoxie​)

‘how to talk to people’ comic

cat pics w/ russian captions

firefly by owl city resurging (for some reason??? i mean like, a good song, but that brings me back to 2009)

also specifically “you would not believe your [body part] if [something rhyming with above body part]”

9 pics of ppl w/ the words 'thank / you / for / something / not you / something / something / something / something' ; the 'not you' is over a pic of something that doesn't quite fit in with the rest

“some [x]... that are [y]... are worse”

“self care is...” & its cousin “gay culture is...”

me talking about myself: ▶ 🔘 ──────── 0:00:04 me talking about [x]: ▶ 🔘 ──────── 8:51:03

[x] do not interact (i think these started out serious but got used as a meme?? not sure)

Animal/Pokemon/Cute creature falling into misfortune and someone responding with the screaming dude from Breaking Bad (phrasing credit @enecoo)

“right in front of my salad?”

pie graph that’s like “I’m [x]” and “I’m [x] but in blue”

that pic of the guy looking at a girls ass while his presumed girlfriend looks on in horror w/ labels over each person to make it funny

whomst’ve / ridiculously long contractions

oh worm?

cursive font

hewwo

then PERISH

taylor swift’s new song / ‘sorry the old [x] can't come to the phone...why? because she's dead’

Who would win? [something that seems like it should win] [something ridiculous that is implied to win]

griffin mcelroy holding a piece of of paper that says “i don’t know what [x] is and at this point i’m too afraid to ask”

Well first of all, [x], so jot that down

jock/prep/goth/nerd chart

clowns as pets (??? this was a WEIRD one)

we are [x] first and people second

you’ve heard of elf on the shelf, now get ready for [image that brings a phrase to mind with a similar rhythm/rhyme scheme as elf on the shelf]

meme sauce

screaming seagull

horses. just in general

distinguished/functional/disaster gay/bi/lesbian chart

[kid characters] in the car with [parental figure character 1]: McDonald’s! McDonald’s! McDonald’s! [parental figure character 1]: There's food at home [kid characters]: I hate this fucking family .... [kid characters] in the car with [parental figure character 2]: McDonald’s! McDonald’s! McDonald’s! [parental figure character 2]: (pulls into drive through) [kid characters]: (cheering) [parental figure character 2]: One black coffee please .... [kid characters] in the car with [parental figure character 3]: McDonald’s! McDonald’s! McDonald’s! [parental figure character 3]: McDonald’s! McDonald’s! McDonald’s! 

“she’s [x]” “who?” “the girl reading this”

why weren’t you at elf practice????

you know i had to do it to em (i never saw this one but everyone was talking about it)

that fucking zootopia comic

asking for bitcoin

dave strider for senate (he lives in my fucking state i could fucking vote for him holy shit. @ my fellow washingtonians DO NOT JUST VOTE FOR HIM AS A JOKE PLEASE BE SERIOUS ABOUT VOTING AND ONLY VOTE FOR HIM IF YOU REALLY SUPPORT HIM)

if you start playing [song] at 11:[xx]:[xx] on New Year's Eve, [climactic part of the song] will play at exactly midnight. start 2018 right!

"[character] is [x]" i say into the mic ‪the crowd boos, yelling at me to get off the stage. i begin to walk off in shame when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room. ‪"they’re right” they say. i look for the owner of the voice. there in the 6th row stands: [person with authority over the character].

[aurailia]

i was tagged by @likepotato so tysm!!

Last

drink: capri sun 😎

phone call: my mum bc she was supposed to be picking me up from college

text message: my friend jess

song you listened to: someone gets hurt (reprise) - mean girls musical

time you cried: idk actually

ever

dated someone twice: yeah lol

kissed someone and regretted it: yeah bc it was gross and slimy ):

been cheated on: no lol

lost someone special: yeah ):

been depressed: not diagnosed but im sad a lot

gotten drunk and thrown up: no lol

fave color: pinkkkk

in the last year have you

made new friends: i think

fallen out of love: only with fandoms

laughed until you cried: yeah lol -- just today actually

found out someone was talking about you: yeah but it’s fine bc we hate each other and i do the same to her (:

met someone who changed you: no lol

found out who your friends are: ig??

kissed someone on your facebook friends list: i kissed them before i got fb but we’re friends on it now tho if that counts?

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: all of them bc im safe

do you have any pets: yeah!! A cat called lilly who’s a brat and i love her

do you want to change your name: aurelia would be nice but i’ll stick with jess

what did you do for your last birthday: well u see that was 4 months ago and idk what i did yesterday so -- i think we just had a barbeque and a sleepover bc i got a phone instead of a sweet sixteenth thing so

what time did you wake up today: like 7:40am idk

what were you doing at midnight last night: drawing and watching youtube

what is something you can’t wait for: death

what are you listening to right now: hung up - madonna

have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah lol -- one’s an absolute mad lad, the other one’s a vegan -- very different people, still both cool tho

something that gets on your nerves: everything lol

most visited website: youtube

hair color: pink

long or short hair: shoulder length

what do you like about yourself: i got pink hair

want any piercings: yeah i want a septum piercing but my mum says no ):

blood type: idk actually

nicknames: jess, bunger, thot, jessicat

relationship status: Single

zodiac: taurus

pronouns: She/her

Fave tv shows: Brooklyn 99, Community, X files

tattoos: none but i want a little kitty paw

right or left handed: left

ever had surgery: yeah bc the top of my finger came off and they had to put it back on, also my eyelid split open once but i think they just glued that back together

piercings: earrings

sport: used to do gymnastics?? Occasionally went mountain biking and walking with parents and even less occasionally went canoeing with them -- started going to the gym tho recently

vacation: yeah i went to menorca with two of my friends in june

Trainers: have i ever trainers???? what????

more general

Eating: rn?? nothing - tho i want party rings ):

Drinking: nothing rn

about to watch: im watching ATLA rn so i can watch Korra bc it looks good

waiting for: bed

want: tbf another cat

want to get married:  idk actually

career: smthn artsy

which is better

hugs or kisses: hugs

lips or eyes: depends on the scenario

shorter or taller: i mean im shorter so short ppl are better but if i was going to date someone i want them to be taller than me

older or younger: ,,,????

nice arms or stomach: ???

hookup or relationship: relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

have you ever

kissed a stranger: probably??? Im not too sure actually??? Not on the lips i dont think

drunk hard liquor: tastes gross so no

lost glasses: dont wear them

turned someone down: yeah lol

sex on first date: no lol im 16

broken someone’s heart: i wouldnt say i broke their hearts but i just didnt date them

had your heart broken: no lol

been arrested: not yet

cried when someone died: yeah )))::: movies and irl

fallen for a friend: yep but we were like 10?? But then it lasted on and off again for 3 years so,,,,,,

do you believe in

yourself: no lol

miracles: where you from, you sexy thing (honestly tho idk rly,,,)

love at first sight: imo if ur dating it should be for personality and u cant tell that at first glance so no

santa: no ):

kiss on a first date: if u want to sure

Angels: hm

others

best friend’s name: i dont wanna chose between them ): the two ive been friends with for the longest are called Elin and Charlotte

eye color: hazel (so like brown in the middle, green on the outside)

fave movie: uh,,,,, like idk?? What We Do In the Shadows is good, Bridge to Terabithia always makes me cry so that’s good

fave actors: i rly liked aubrey hepburn as a person if that counts?? Havent seen any of her movies yet though -- other than her tho, Chris Hemsworth is a gem, so is Anne Hathaway and Helen Mirren

I'm gonna tag @rainbowdovelove @gallium-plus-yttrium-equals-gay @my-therapist-took-my-superpowers @kissa-bear @legitimaterock @nev-e-r-m-i-n-d @yovngjustice

and like legit anyone who wants to do this just go for it man -- esp if we're mutuals!!

[saportuh]

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT 

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT 

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician. 

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf” 

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for. 

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME” 

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY, 

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow. 

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

[translightyagami]

Lawlight (duh) for the ship thing Also, if you're into any of these - Drarry, Malec, Ichiruki, Sakunaru

uhhhh i only know drarry tbh but not well enough for a ship meme dlfajsda sorry. anyway here’s lawlight. 

who is more likely to hurt the other?

they both hurt each other on some level just bc they hv v combative personalities and also they r WATER SIGNS which means they r constantly in a fight over who is more valid. jokes on them tho: they r both unvalid as hell. light will center an entire week around getting back at L for something he did bc he’s basically amy dunne playing the long con all the time. L will hurt light in ways that last. he’ll just come out of nowhere with something like, “maybe it would be better if we hadn’t met” and light will just go quiet. that’s like, a sore spot L will push on if they argue bc he knows light is incredibly insecure abt his standing in L’s life. idk man. they love each other but there’s a lot of stuff they’re working thru and they’re leaving some scars along the way.

who is emotionally stronger?

hm. i think L is. he’s toughened up from all his experiences as the world’s greatest detective and had to deal w a lot more emotional crises than light. when it comes to big setbacks, he’s more likely to take them in stride whereas light is like that post that’s like “i’ll deal with it but you gotta let me be dramatic first.” before anything, he’s gotta scream in his scream jar then he can put those anxieties into the fridge and go back to figuring out his life.

who is physically stronger?

they hv abt the same physical strength. that’s less of a contest between them, altho light does sort of like it when L can lift him up. he’s done the same for L a couple times but its more fun to b carried than to b the carrier. anyway. if ur asking who wins more fights? then i would say that light wins a lot of their brawls bc he’s not afraid to play dirty. he has a sibling, he’s fought these battles many times before. its no rules just right in this house.

who is more likely to break a bone?

light has a lot of sports related injuries but not a lot of broken bones. meanwhile, mr. stays inside all day on my laptop has had three broken bones all from falling down the stairs or slipping on shit. just, like, hold on bc i’m picturing light and L sitting in the urgent care waiting room, both with broken arms bc of a roller skating accident. i don’t know how ppl break bones.

who knows best what to say to upset the other?

see this question and the first question r so close and so the answer is like both of them know each other well enough to hv their fingers poised over a particular emotionally destructive button at all times. i only say L is better at upsetting light bc he’s more willing to go the extra inch of underhandedness. of course, light nvr shows that he’s upset on the outside. no, he remains cool and calm, laughs it off probably, and then goes into the bathroom to hv a full scale meltdown in the dry bathtub. to b fair, that doesn’t happen often. its only during big, BIG arguments.

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument?

oh i don’t think either of them hv apologized once in their whole lives so it was a big step for them to apologize to each other. light caves first, trudging into L’s office with the most pathetic look on his face and being like “i’m sorry i called you a trash bag with arms.” and then L sort of sits there and has an inner conflict for a second before saying, “i’m sorry i told you looked like a kohl’s mannequin but not hot.”

who treats who’s wounds more often?

if their fights ever get too intense and someone gets hurt, its usually L knocking his head against something sharp and light has to like sit him on the toliet so he can fix him up. when he’s administering first aid, light starts to fuss over L and makes a lot of concerned noises.

“that hurts.” L squirms as light gives him stitches. “don’t pull too hard.”

“relax.” light says. “i’m actually quite good at this.”

(will i ever stop quoting that one line? no, i won’t.)

who is in constant need of comfort?

i don’t know abt comfort but light needs a lot of reassurance, both verbal and physical, that L does care abt him. he needs to b assured of his place in the world and in their relationship which L isn’t super great abt doing. but light is usually vocal abt when he needs comfort around L, whomst he rarely hides much of himself from, so its nvr a problem of L just not knowing. he just has no clue how to react.

there’s been a scarce few times when L has needed comfort after a taxing case but light is right there to just sort of, uhhh, hold him. let him make some horrible noises and talk. they try to b there for each other. its something they’re working on.

who gets more jealous?

oh for sure light. he gets flushed w jealousy anytime L shows a little more attention to someone else who could possibly usurp light’s romantic position in L’s life. its not fair. those ppl nvr worked as hard as he did to get L’s attention, to get his love. L thinks its kind of funny and will do shit to make light go green eyed. but that shit stops after they work with a french officer who gets a little too flirty w light and L just like, shuts that down. not so fun to b on the receiving end of that kind of jealousy.

who’s most likely to walk out on the other?

light. he’ll fucking do it at the drop of a hat too, just fucking walk out and not come back for three days. of course, they both think they can handle being separated so neither of them calls the other. but on the third day light’s trying to eat mcdonalds in his car and put a sausage mcmuffin in the hole L’s absence made so he goes to call him but his phone rings and it’s L on the other line like “please come back i forgot how quiet things r when ur not around also if ur at mcdonalds can u get me an apple pie okay thanks i love you.”

who will propose?

dklfsadlsfkj neither of them. they don’t want to get married tbh. i just literally can’t see them ever wanting to get married. if ur gonna put a gun to my head abt it tho, i would probably say light does but its only bc his mom started a campaign to get him to make an honest man out of L.

who has the most difficult parents?

um. i mean i guess light’s parents r more difficult. its not that they’re difficult tbh its more like they’re still adjusting to the life their son decided to lead bc its waaayyy different than what they thought was gonna happen. like first he’s gay (which isn’t a huge surprise to them like they’ve seen queer eye for the straight guy. they know things.) and then he’s dating some 24 yr old reclusive detective that happens to hv been soichiro’s boss for like a couple months and now light just sort of solves crimes w his boyfriend. so they’re being supportive but they’re also a little bit confused so sometimes it ends up in awkward situations where everyone’s at the dinner table and sachiko is like “so. what do your parents do, L?” and L is like “i don’t know who my parents were. i think they’re dead.” and she’s like, “oh. hm. well. that must b rlly rough for you.” meanwhile light is p much eating his napkin so he doesn’t start screaming at how little control he has over this shitty conversation.

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public?

they r rarely in public but uh. light does. he’s getting used to being out and part of him just rlly enjoys the physical evidence of their relationship that hand holding provides. that closet was so suffocating. it’s time to let those hands breath a little.

who comes up for the other all the time?

i still don’t entirely understand what this means entirely but i’ll take my best stab at it. i think L comes up for light a lot, esp if he’s talking to like the wammies or literally anyone who isn’t light himself or his family. like, p much everyone is like “but.....he’s kira???” and L is like “look. listen. i don’t know why but he’s. he’s rlly important to me. so its maybe better if we don’t shit talk the guy who sucks my dick? at least not rn.” he doesn’t do it v often bc usually the insults thrown toward light r well deserved but sometimes he does. light doesn’t come up for L like ever. he nvr talks to anyone abt L. whomst would he tell? yamamoto? secretly he goes on a couple message boards tho and send mean anon messages to ppl talking shit abt L but that’s as close as he gets.

who hogs the blankets?

L will b wrapped in a big old blanket bundle like that picture of homer simpson where he’s like “ah. i’m just a big cozy cinnamon bun.” light’s like curled up on his side of the bed w just the sheet but then L reaches over and drags him into the blanket bundle so they r both toasty cinnamon buns together.

who gets more sad?

L is more prone to bouts of depression and can get lethargic if something hits him the wrong way. the first few times it happened, light tried to shake it out of him but he’s learned since then that he’s just gotta ride this shit out. so for a few days or weeks, he’s just got a sad boyfriend so they watch a lot of netflix and don’t get a ton of work done.

light v rarely gets sad. he’s got a v positive outlook on life and doesn’t let a lot of stuff ruin his mood. but when he is sad, its like a big event and he’s crying in the dry tub in just his briefs and a sweatshirt while listening to sufjan on repeat. look. he’s just gotta get it out of his system and then he’ll b fine!

who is better at cheering the other up?

light is better at finding stuff to cheer L up. if L is in a funk, he’ll go search for a good case or an interesting lead so he can present it to him like a cat dropping a mouse in front of him. L is.....not so good at cheering light up. all he knows is how to piss him off. but after a while he starts to puzzle out that light flourishes under praise so he’ll try to keep telling him what a good job he’s doing.

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

i said this in my mikami/light post but uh, light laughing is so uproarious that he just. whacks the person making him laugh on the back super hard. L doesn’t do anything the first time but the second time he grabs light by the wrist and is like “don’t. control ur self, u loud scream laughing monster.” light keeps his hands to himself when he laughs after that. he’s actually quite embarrassed of his natural laugh bc it is so obnoxious so he often tones it down but sometimes!!! shit’s just too funny!!!

who is more streetwise?

neither of these two know a god damn thing abt the streets. ok, L knows a little bit but he forgot it after building a giant fucking building for one investigation team of like six ppl.

who is more wise?

L knows more abt the world and has more experience than light does. he’s not quite wise?? but he’s definitely more knowledgeable and it smacks him in the face a lot how super young light is. how much he just doesn’t know. but L’s only in his mid twenties. what the fuck does he rlly know?

who’s the shyest?

mmm. they aren’t shy ppl by nature so i’d say neither of them. esp when they’re together. combining their levels of pure confidence is like putting a fire in a room with more fire; it just increases the amount of fire. as their relationship progresses, they get more assertive w each other and idk man. they just don’t do that shy shit.

who boasts about the other more? 

mmmm. i don’t think they brag abt each other a lot but i think light kind of wants to brag abt being w L. i mean, he didn’t think it would happen but then L did come and want to start something with him and its like?? wrow. but he doesn’t rlly hv anyone to brag to so he just sort of lets it sit like a smoldering piece of coal in his stomach, keeping him warm. L exculsively brags abt light during video conferences w the wammies like “MY PARTNER, WHO IS A GENIUS AND V ATTRACTIVE, AND I, WHO IS DATING THIS ATTRACTIVE GENIUS, HV FOUND A CLUE” and like everyone rolls their eyes like “dude u told us the same shit last week like please please please stop telling us abt ur hot boyfriend.”

who sits on who’s lap?

light!!! sits!!! on L’s lap!!!! all the time!!! he curls up in there like a cat and plays w L’s hair.

“am i making it hard to do ur work?” he asks, fingers scratching on L’s scalp.

“yes. but that’s okay. light shouldn’t move.”

so he doesn’t and just falls asleep there, hand on the back of L’s neck and drooling on his shoulder. its cute in like an ugly way.

[wiener-blut]

i was tagged by my bb @babypaulchen ages ago and now the time has come to finally do this shit!! i told u i was gonna do it Brig!!

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people (i wont tag anyone bc im doubting i even know 20 ppl on here lmao)

— what was your last…

1. drink: peach flavoured ice tea 2. phone call: my mom bc i asked her if shes interested in some hyacinth bulbs for her garden since the ones that stood in my room decayed 3. text message: to my cousin, setting a time where we can call and chat 4. song you listened to: actual surprise - its not Rammstein *ooohs and aaahs fly through the crowd* it was “The Schuyler Sisters” from Hamilton 5. time you cried: yesterday bc i had the worst fucking headache ever and i was being a whiny bitch

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: uhh no? 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yes, multiple times and ive come to the conclusion that throwing up makes me feel better afterwards like im back to being able to actually perveice my environment again lmao

— fave colours

12. black 13. pastel pink 14. actually i kinda love all colours idk

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: yes! 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yes, multiple times, good 18. found out someone was talking about you: like uh shittalking? idk so i guess not 19. met someone who changed you: uhhh kinda? 20. found out who your friends are: um well i found out that my friends are good friends and that i love them and that i dont want to miss any of them 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: what? u can “kiss” someone on facebook? lmao i didnt take a look on facebook for literally years .......man i had a massive brainlag here. i thought u can now “kiss” ppl on facebook like u can “poke” ppl on facebook and it didnt come to my mind this could mean “irl” lmao bury me IF it means irl tho, then yes

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: pff idk man who the fuck still uses that shithole of a site anyways

23. do you have any pets: no but i had a super cute and fluffy bunny and i still miss him and think about him everyday also i plan on having half a farm and half a zoo in the future

24. do you want to change your name: not anymore; i used to hate my name bc its so outdated and the only answer i ever got on introducing myself was “hey my grandma has the same name isnt that funny” but then more and more people told me my name was pretty and unique and well now that im older (sounds like im 40 lmao) im even kinda fond of it

25. what did you do for your last birthday: umm uhh i guess i was studying for my exams lol but i remember my gf cooking an amazing dinner for me 💖

26. what time did you wake up today: uhhhhhh smth around 9am i think

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: actually sleeping for once bc that headache knocked me out completely

28. what is something you can’t wait for: fucking going to fucking Hamburg in fucking five fucking days

30. what are you listening to right now: the birds chirping outside

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes i had a classmate named Tom........he was a bit strange tho.......

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: i cant think of anything rn

33. most visited website: Tumblr and Youtube

34. hair colour: natural? blonde / current? dyed it pink two weeks ago

35. long or short hair: long ass hair and i mean, literally, they reach all the way down to my hips

36. do you have a crush on someone: ohhhahahaha so, so many, one - and maybe the king of em all - being Christoph Schneider (not obvious at all cough cough)

37. what do you like about yourself: uhhhhhhhhhhh.........;;;;; i guess... uh... *insert more unintelligent noises* maybe my legs?

38. want any piercings: no, except for maybe some on my ear

39. blood type: 0 positive, i think

40. nicknames: Lily

41. relationship status: super duper gay af with @haifisch-ohne-traenen

42. sign: officially capricorn (i like to say “the last capricorn” bc it sounds like “the last unicorn” and well my birthday is on the last day that still counts as capricorn), but honestly im more of an aquarius

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv show: i recently watched Grimm and the story was okay but the cast was like super adorable and i fell in love with every single one of them

45. tattoos: none. YET. i have plans for so much i just am very bad at deciding

46. right or left handed: right handed 47: ever had surgery: okay, small story time. there are these childrens books by german illustrator and author “Janosch” in which a tiger and a bear are best friends and i used to love those books. so once, tiger got ill (his stripes slipped out of place) and he needed to see the doctor. and the exact line was “soothing small shot, blue dream, surgery over, noticed nothing, tiger healthy”. and i once was in the hospital bc there was something wrong my nose (i dont remember what it was tho) and so they anaesthetized me (and my fav stuffie which i brough with me for mental support) and afterwards i told everyone of my “blue dream” and everyone was like ????? wtf kid bc they didnt know what i was talking about and it was just some months ago when i finally found out that a narcosis isnt called a “blue dream” and that i just knew this bc of this books which i adored and tbh i was like MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE “BLUE DREAM” IS AN ADORABLE TERM FOR IT 48. piercings: none 49. sport: i did ballet for 15 years and i still love to dance around the house and the mother of my best friend once called me cute bc i cant stand still and always spin around or stretch my toes while lifting my leg or do some pliés and tbh i wasnt even aware of that

50. vacation: uh...i love? lmao

51. trainers: umm like my shoes? mostly wearing my black doc martens

— more general

52. eating: i love me some good salad with tomatoes, mozzarella and tuna but ngl a pizza margherita could beat that salad any time. or a nice ragout fin. or mac’n’cheese. i love food in general, okay

53. drinking: i’d kill for a tequila rn. but like non-alcoholic beverage - plain water, yes thank u

54. i’m about to watch: some movie with my gf which we havent decided on yet

55. waiting for: my gf to return home from work so i can smooch her pretty face

56. want: to cuddle honestly

57. get married: since its legal in germany for some months now... idk tbh, its not smth i debate about on a daily basis

58. career: um i have a vague plan for becoming a speech pathologist but yea... its very vague

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs

60. lips or eyes: gotta say eyes

61. shorter or taller: i dont care actually

62. older or younger: um sweats loudly...... older (fun fact i recently calculated the average age of my celebrity crushes....yes i was bored.... and it resulted in 50.... well.....)

63. nice arms or stomach: arms, fucc me up

64. hookup or relationships: relationships

65. troublemaker or hesitant: me? kinda both

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: no 67. drank hard liquor: yes 68. turned someone down: not really?

69. sex on first date: nope

70: broken someone’s heart: probably

71. had your heart broken: uh yea...kinda

72. been arrested: no

73. cried when someone died: yes, im a whiny bitch so i cry easily

74. fallen for a friend: yeah binch im dating that lovely ho right now... im gonna leave Brig’s answer here bc its perf and same here

— do you believe in

75. yourself: ugh

76. miracles: i want to

77. love at first sight: no

78. santa claus: i want to lol but no

79. angels: fuck yes

— misc

80. eye colour: blue-gray-green-ish mud 81. best friend’s name: Dana

82. favourite movie: so? much? i cant decide, really

83. favourite actor: Tom Hiddleston, i love this british dork, lemme tell u

84. favourite cartoon: phuh, idk i dont really watch cartoons

85. favourite teacher’s name: SWEATS LOUDLY AND AGGRESIVELY i had two massive teacher crushes back in my school days and that makes me a bit biased but im gonna say Herr Wolf was a great teacher bc he always said “hey, astronomy’s a minor subject, the test won’t be hard and i wont give u homework, u guys concentrate on math, german and english” and tbh we need more teachers like that

[alien-bodies]

Oversharing Time!!!

(i just made that title up that’s not the official title I’m just Like That)

Ok so @frogyell​ tagged my main account (I am BLEST) but that’s for Refined Star Trek Content and this one’s for excellent moodboard content and garbage so here’s the garbage!!! I’m putting it under a cut bc it manipulates your brain to want to read through 85 fuckin facts about me more wow I love science

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: Water! off to a great start

2. last phone call: my local Hot Topic. I feel like I should also mention I work there. But if you don’t know that and steal my phone you’ll see I have a contact named Hot Topic

3. last text message: Google sent me a verification code, but the last one I sent was to my brother it says “k”

4. last song you listened to: It’s called The Horror Of Your Love by Ludo, if I had to delete all but one song on my 121-song Best Enemies playlist I’d keep this one it’s Peak and kinda has vore but it’s metaphorical. metavoreical, if you will

5. time you cried: during my latest EMDR sesh! I was in Wales and everything it was a Lot I got ice cream after

6. dated someone twice? Big No

7. kissed someone and regretted it? Not really?

8. been cheated on? my ex had 16 anime dating sims downloaded at one point while we were dating does that count

9. lost someone special? yea

10. been depressed? hella

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve been drunk 1 time and it was when I was playing English handbells at my dad’s church’s wassail night but I did not throw up no

fave colors

12. Black

13. Lavendar

14. Light blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? Hell Yell!!

16. fallen out of love? k i n d a ? ?

17. laughed until you cried? oh absolutely

18. found out someone was talking about you? OH BOY YUP YUP

19. met someone who changed you? yes! she managed to physically alter my hippocampus without touching it how fuckign whack is that

20. found out who your friends are? It’s always the same miraculous group chat

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? sure have

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? I keep it nice and refined so all of them. My old account is another story

23. do you have any pets? one beautiful and talented cat named Moriarty. A good description is she’s got puppy software on cat hardware.

24. do you want to change your name? listen I’ve been through 4.5 of these fuckers, I like Nate, I’m Quite Finished

25. what did you do for your last birthday? invited 2 pals over, I remember one of them suddenly whipped out I Am The Doctor and the Dr Who theme on the piano out of fuckin nowhere and I was like “Daniel what the hell you’re so talented” and then I hardcore dissociated the rest of the day

26. what time did you wake up today? 10:00

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? chatting w @houseofoakdown​ and also editing my monstrosity of a fanfiction

28. what is something you cant wait for? Going back to school! then I can graduate in my pajamas and eat creamed corn in celebration

30. what are you listening to right now? the same goddamn playlist, this one’s called Battle Cry by The Family Crest, i cri erytiem

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? probably???

32. something thats getting on your nerves? my brother vaping in the bathroom with the fan on at 12:30am

33. most visited website: tungle dot hell

34. hair color: I started out blonde af now I’m less blonde but still blonde.

35. long or short hair: short

36. do you have a crush on someone: :[] yes

37. what do you like about yourself: i’m hella smart, my moodboards are bangin, my writing is cool af, I’m well-hydrated at all times

38. want any piercings? Big No

39. blood type: A+!!!!! thats me!!!!!

40. nicknames: my brother calls me a goon sometimes

41. relationship status: im married to my laptop

42. zodiac: I was born on the last day of Taurus so I’m a definite Taurus/Gemini power combo

43. pronouns: they/them, tho in some places I use he/him bc The Dysphoria got hog wild enough I decided to pretend to be a trans guy so ppl would take me seriously, but I’m moving more towards they/them everywhere now. 

44. fave tv shows: Dr Fuck, Sherlock (I’m armed with a pitchfork and an arsenal of beefed up tv & film knowledge come on fight me), DOWNTON ABBEY

45. tattoos: in August I will get a bee on my right arm and probably a Secret Word in Gallifreyan on my left it’ll say fuck

46. right or left handed: one time I was bored in grade 10 and tried to make myself ambidextrous but that was a hassle so I’m firmly right handed. Except in archery.

47. ever had surgery: got all 4 wisom teeth out not long ago! I still need to squirt water in my gum holes so I get all the mushy food out :{

48. piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but they’re grown tf over now!

49. sport: first of all what the hell is this question looking for second of all I have a red belt (which is 2 below black belt) in Taekwondo. I really need to do that again hhhhhh

50. vacation: i went to England and France in the summer with my family as a “””grad trip”””, it was lots of fun but my collection of sensory issues extended to chomping and I dissociated so intensely in The Louvre my mom told me to go back outside so I wrote fanfiction while listening to 21 Pilots and chatting w my imaginary friends and it took me like 18 hours to process I’d seen The Mona Lisa with mine own 2 eyes. Also the plane was delayed twice bc we used Air Canada for some godforsaken reason and I had 0 hours of sleep when I went to the Sherlock Holmes museum and I started talkin to this bust of Sherlock Holmes and then I hadn’t eaten enough and we were walking to this bookstore and I said “I need food!” and my dad said “We’ll get it AFTER” then I shouted “I’M GONNA DIE” so I got a BLT from Tesco. 

51. trainers: h

more general

52. eating: the last thing I ate was chocolate chips straight out of the bag

53. drinking: I got another cup of water

54. im about to watch: my entire fanfiction to take 3000 notes on consistency. and by watch I mean read

55. waiting for: my brother (not vaping) to get out of the bathroom so I can PEE

56. want: Orphan Black to be on Netflix so I can actually binge watch it then call my grandma about it

57. get married: idk I didn’t think I was a get married person but since realizing I’m a lesbian it seems like a good idea!

58. career: nurse and a writer. I might just move to London and work double time to write enough scripts I have some street cred then pitch a TV adaptation of Faction Paradox to the BBC and win

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs bc it means my friends are in my vicinity not Toronto

60. lips or eyes: uh. eyes???????????

61. shorter or taller: i’m 5′3″ and I would love a tol partner

62. older or younger: i don’t think I care

63. nice arms or stomach: what fresh hell does this mean. I’d like a nice stomach free of gastrointestinal issues and acid reflux. not that I have either of those but just in case

64. hookup or relationship: I have 300 many self-esteem issues so imma say relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: AU where I don’t have anxiety and I’m a trouble maker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: noop

67. drank hard liquor: I PUT RUM IN THE WASSAIL HELL YEAH also once someone bought me a shot at a queer dance thing bc it was payday and my friend told me to gulp the WHOLE SHOT and then the lemonade so I don’t barf and I was like “brah this is too high-stakes” so I poured the vodka in the lemonade and took sips and everyone stared at me

68. lost glasses: in grade 6 and then my mom threatened to make me wear one of those granny glasses chains so I never lost them again

69. turned someone down: ya this kid Cyrus used to chase me around in grade 5 and I’d run away always he was weird af one time he made out with a folder right in front of me in the middle of class

70. sex on first date: probs not at this point but I’m not opposed to the general idea when I’m less w h a c k e d  u p

71. broken someones heart: Not that I know of?

72. had your heart broken: c o n s i s t e n t l y in the most fricked up ways god

73. been arrested: no but once I booed at the police bc the local nazis (yeah) were gonna have a rally so we had a counter-rally and I dropped in but there were no nazis except one old dude in a MAGA hat showed up 2 hours late lmao

74. cried when someone died: oui

75. fallen for a friend: Big Lesbian Mood

do you believe in

76. yourself: YA BB

77. miracles: not as such

78. love at first sight: nah

79. santa claus: I wasn’t allowed to believe in Santa as a child bc he was “too much like God” sad

80. kiss on a first date: ye!

81. angels: big no

other

82. best friend’s name: I don’t exactly have a proper best friend but I’m goin with Liam

83. eye colour: blue/grey

84. fave movie: either The Force Awakens (bc I love bb8 and I’m gay 4 Rey) or Interstellar shut up

85. fave actor: uh idk let’s go with my brother

WOW THAT WAS LONG JEE🅱️US. I’m tagging @houseofoakdown @spoonietimelordy @gemvictorfromtheponyverse @spockswhales @raesand and that exhausts the ppl I know but you’re all worth quadruple in my heart 💖

[imlovedavestrider]

hmmm do one through thirteen, theeen fourteen through forty eight, then forty nine through sixty two, then sixty three through seventy B:)

d are you fucking kidding meim not gonna say no because i like talking about myself but jesus fucking christyou wound mei removed the two i already answered

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

not my mom

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

my moirail~

03: Do you regret anything?

so so much it would take 17 years to talk about 

04: Are you insecure?

very

05: What is your relationship status?

i have a moirail!

06: How do you want to die?

shit idk

07: What did you last eat?

ham and bean soup (i actually ate food for once be proud of me)

08: Played any sports?

i dance?

09: Do you bite your nails?

no

10: When was your last physical fight?

dont think ive been in a physical fight

11: Do you like someone?

god yes

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

yup

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

uhhhhhh idk?

14: Do you miss someone?

YES

15: Have any pets?

no ):B

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

uhhhhh kinda gay

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

i havent. looks at dirk

18: Are you scared of spiders?

yes

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

i....dont know

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

a regular old kiss would be at Socon ehe. making out? never done it

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

dunno

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

adopt if any and only one maaaaybe two

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

just one per ear (for now aha)

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

english is definitely my best 

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

yes

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

yes

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

no

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

probably

30: What’s irritating you right now?

uhhhhhhhh mormonism

31: Does somebody love you?

yes!

32: What is your favourite color?

red, black, purple, green

33: Do you have trust issues?

yes

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

aslgjalskdjfasjl uhhhhh well u seeeeeeee it was definitely not a certain person im gay for at all

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

probably my moirail

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

idk i used to

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

god neither

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

yes and no

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

14

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

no

51: Favourite food?

idk

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

yes

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

talked to my moirail on the phone we always fall asleep on the phone

54: Is cheating ever okay?

no

55: Are you mean?

i can be

56: How many people have you fist fought?

none

57: Do you believe in true love?

yes

58: Favourite weather?

that time when its just chilly enough that you gotta wear long pants but you dont need a jacket and the air is cool and crisp and stuff

59: Do you like the snow?

yeah 

60: Do you wanna get married?

sorta!

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

mmmmmmm im kinda meh about it. babe is better for me but only certain ppl are allowed

62: What makes you happy?

MY MOIRAIL is like 90% of it lmao

63: Would you change your name?

nope! i already picked it out myself and i like it very very much

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

i dont,,,think so

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

wish them good luck

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

i dont have a gender so no

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

these last questions are kinda icky but whatever i didnt read them before i reblogged

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

@imlovedirkstrider and @the-caws-meow

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

see above (plus like one or two other ppl but i would die for most of my friends and probably most of my followers too so)

D i hate  you

[actuallyjunmyeon]

1 through 155, 💕💕💕luv ur blog sm

Love you 💞💞💞

1:Full name - Taja (Sou) Rain Johnson 2:Age - 143: Fears - The dark ckavfka4.things I love - I love a lot of things and ppl so uh…5. turns on - Money (shkfvskxva im kidding but did I mention Chanyeol is my y*ff prince??) 6:4 turns off - 7:My best friend - her name is Raina and we’ve been friends for 9 years and all my mutuals are my friends 💞8:Sexual orientation - GAYYYYYY (bi) 9:My best first date -uhhh wat? 10:How tall am I -5'7" 11:What do I miss - YIXINGYIXINGYIXINGYIXINGYIXINGYI-12:What time were I born - Uhhh like 6:am?? Or something like that 13:Favourite color - Coral pink and Blue14:Do I have a crush - ******15:Favourite quote - “Do just move forward … be ahead”16:Favourite place -LA MAN 17:Favourite food - CHEESEFRIES ARE YOU KIDDING ME??18:Do I use sarcasm - I dunno Do I???19:What am I listening to right now - Exo Sweet lies 🤧20:First thing I notice in new person -Smile or Hair 21:Shoe size - likeee 9 in men’s??22:Eye color -Poop Brown 23:Hair color - it’s like and ugly silvery greenish thing?? Idk 24:Favourite style of clothing -I like aesthetic bfkah but I’m lazy so I usually wear sweatpants 25:Kiss someone that starts with the letter “R”? - …is this a command or have I?? I’m confused 27:Meaning behind my URL - Lmao it’s a lyric from JunoFlo’s song Panorama and I idk I like Van Gogh so..28:Kiss someone that starts with the letter “M”? - Still confused 29:Favourite song -…..yeah I don’t know 30:Favourite band -….. No31:How I feel right now - Quite relaxed 32:Someone I love - I love a lotta ppl don’t do this 33:My current relationship status - SINGLE LMAOOO34:My relationship with my parents - I live with mom and she great. I haven’t talked to my father in like 3 years?? 35:Favourite holiday - Christmas 36:Tattoos and piercing i have - none 37:Tattoos and piercing i want - maybe a sleeve…but I love chanyeols tattoos and I want a tiny exo logo on my wrist38:The reason I joined Tumblr - I was gay and needed a place to be gay 39:Do I and my last ex hate each other? -not sure??? 40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - from the fam lol 41:Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - nope 42:When did I last hold hands? - yesterday? 43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - it takes me like an hour but I get up 20 mins before school starts so I don’t really have time to do anything 44:Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - lololololololol45:Where am I right now? - bed :)46:If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - uh I usually take care of myself when im drunk 47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - L O U D 48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - Mum 49:Am I excited for anything? - hmmmmm Halloween 50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - Lots lol 51:How often do I wear a fake smile? - most of my smiles are genuine 52:When was the last time I hugged someone? - today53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - good for them??54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - uhhhhh everyone at school lol55:What is something I disliked about today? - nothing :)56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? -EXOEXOEXOEXOEXOEXOEXO57:What do I think about most? - Everything lol 58:What’s my strangest talent? - I have no talent cahfkan59:Do I have any strange phobias? -gdkavcksv60:Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? -hmmmm behind 61:What was the last lie I told? - that I was going to sleep lmao 62:Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - phone 63:Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - BOTH ARE REAL OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES 64:Do I believe in magic? - Hmmmm sure 65:Do I believe in luck? - why not? 66:What’s the weather like right now? - cold af 67:What was the last book I’ve read? - uhhhhhhhhhh Romeo and Juliet ? 68:Do I like the smell of gasoline? -… what?? 69:Do I have any nicknames? - I have a lot that are all from my sister but I won’t tell cause holy shit there are a lot 70:What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? - I have myself a 3rd degree burn one time 71:Do I spend money or save it? -spend sadly 72:Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - who the fu- 73:Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? - (A DI-) my posters lol 74:Favourite animal? - hmmm wolves cause… yeah idk they’re cool 75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM? -cleaning pft76:What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - NATAS 77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - Monsta x Incomparable 78:How can you win my heart? - Being genuine 79:What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - “He loved Park Chanyeol with all his being” 80:What is my favorite word? - Don’t have one 81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr - uhhhh no I can’t choose 82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - (I WANNA DI-) PARK CHANYEOL PLEASE BE MY FRIEND 83:Do I have any relatives in jail? - I don’t think so???84:I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - Invisibility 85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - “Are you a furry?”86:What is my current desktop picture? I don’t have a computer dkavfks87:Had sex? - IM 88:Bought condoms? - A 89:Gotten pregnant? - CHILD 90:Failed a class?- no91:Kissed a boy? - nope 92:Kissed a girl? - ha 93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - wut? 94:Had job? - I have two jobs 95:Left the house without my wallet? - I don’t even have money dude 96:Bullied someone on the internet? - nope 97:Had sex in public? - CHILD 98:Played on a sports team? - Basketball and volleyball 99:Smoked weed? - yes but it didn’t do anything??? Like I was just sleepy. Then another time I got second hand and was hungry af and had the best sleep of my life .100:Did drugs? No 101:Smoked cigarettes? - yes 102:Drank alcohol? -yes 103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Nope 104:Been overweight? Nope 105:Been underweight? Nope 106:Been to a wedding? No actually lol 107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? I don’t think so 108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Probably 109:Been outside my home country? No110:Gotten my heart broken? Yes 111:Been to a professional sports game? No 112:Broken a bone? No 113:Cut myself? No 114:Been to prom? No 115:Been in airplane? Yes 116:Fly by helicopter? No 117:What concerts have I been to? Lots dkavd118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Yes 119:Learned another language? Uh no but I’m trying to learn Japanese lol 120:Wore make up? Yes 121:Lost my virginity before I was 18? CHILD 122:Had oral sex? CHILD 123:Dyed my hair? yes 124:Voted in a presidential election? No 125:Rode in an ambulance? No 126:Had a surgery? No 127:Met someone famous? Yes 128:Stalked someone on a social network? No 129:Peed outside? Yes lololol 130:Been fishing? Yes 131:Helped with charity? No 132:Been rejected by a crush? Yes 133:Broken a mirror? No 134:What do I want for birthday? Anything Is fine 135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 2 boys. Haku and Wei136:Was I named after anyone? No lol 137:Do I like my handwriting? No 138:What was my favourite toy as a child? I used to have an Elmo phone and it was great 139:Favourite Tv Show? I don’t watch tv actually 140:Where do I want to live when older? Anywhere but here cksvf141:Play any musical instrument? I’m learning piano 142:One of my scars, how did I get it? Hmmm this kid in art class stabbed me with his pencil 143:Favourite pizza toping? Mushrooms are cool 144:Am I afraid of the dark? Yes 145:Am I afraid of heights? No 146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes lololo lol 147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Always lololol148:What I’m really bad at? everything lmao 149:What my greatest achievments are? I uh… yeah 150:The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - this kid once said something about my parents when they were having a hard time so I slapped him across his face 151:What I’d do if I won in a lottery - lots of thingsnfkavfksvf 152:What do I like about myself - eyes lol 153:My closest Tumblr friend -ROSEMARY!!!💞💞💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕154:Something I fantasise about - being comfortable in life 155:Any question you’d like? “have you eating and been taken care of yourself?” Why yes I have Sou thanks so much for asking

[rollipollie]

People can talk about me and bad talk me all they want, like things your ppl been saying, but when it comes to my sexuality I get very protective. I have an image and a reputation to maintain just like you.......if there is any bit of suspicion I’m fuckedddd....my friends my family everyone around me. So when I keep hearing about the fem gay taking about me on a group it just fucks with my mind bro and u can’t blame me for that. If you were in my position You would feel the same. Unno when it comes to cyber issues I got things covered, I had my people search all over networks to find this watsapp group.....even went tru fem gay phone to find watsapp groups.....he doesn’t even belong to a single group. My people not allowed into your phone because I told u, I would not hurt you or lie or disrespect you in anyway and I mean it. But I can’t help but think that you’re lying to me. We can’t start this thing off based on lies again. It will not work. Knowing that someone is out there talking about my sexual orientation just boils my bloood. You know for a fact that I will not fuck with fems....they all around me .....that’s all of Sando Gen ....u went to schoool with some of them and they work with me......but I keep my distance to protect my identity. I don’t lime with any of them outside work. But then I come on here and I hear from you about how there’s pictures with me and hw he’s saying blah blah blah. I have one of the best cyber ppl on my side and if they didn’t find a group I can’t help but think fem gay is innocent all this time, and no group exists. I cut him off about what 4 weeks now since we start back talking.....and never once have he even tried to make contact because I fucked him up real bad for watever it was he is supposedly doing. But it’s not nice hearing all these things....idk if you’re making it up to ensure that I stay away Fromm them or what ........but it’s really fucking with my mind. Work stress and this stress combined it’s just a lot to deal with. I just wanna get an 8 hr sleep again, eat a full meal, get inn a good workout.... last week the few days was so good. But it’s like every one step forward and progress we make ....someting happens on your end and we go ten steps back.....I’m just tired, fedup and overwhelmed.......I want this to work.....Believe me I really do ......but it’s beginning to take a dread toll on me. People that care about each other don’t put each other through this. I laugh and talk and smile and drink with everyone but only God knows what I’m going tru. Sometime it get hard pretending that everything is okay.