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The beach that makes you old

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basically this exact thing happens in a mitch albom book more or less

dark and brooding guy with horrible regrets yells "I HAVE BLOOD ON MY HANDS!" in a moment of vulnerability but theres a cutaway transition where hes at a state fair eating a banana and he throws the peel over his shoulder and the tilt-a-whirl operator slips on it causing him to fall on the controls and shift it into a skull and crossbones setting called OVERDRIVE and the tilt-a-whirl spins so fast it lifts off the ground and carries the people away screaming

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this actually happened to me recently where i kept babbling and then person i was talking to LIKED the thought i came up with at the end, and it took me by such massive surprise bc i just didn’t think that was even possible?!! it felt like i’d just violated a scientific law

99% of ramblers quit right before they conceive of a coherent thought. KEEP TALKING

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this happened to me once and then the person i was talking to thought the thing i said was a good idea after all. But also i only remember it happening that one time so uhhhhhhh

99% of ramblers quit right before they conceive of a coherent thought. KEEP TALKING

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we already had this, it’s called the vessel at hudson yards and they keep opening it up and then closing it back down again bc people keep killing themselves.

This makes me sad both for the depressoids themselves & also bc i would like to go up on it sometime (NOT to kill myself tho!!! i promise if i really wanted to i could do that a bunch of other ways i SWEAR)

modern art exhibit titled "I bet you won't kill yourself" that is just a loaded gun on a podium in a museum

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Reading sports headlines while pretending sports doesn't exist suggests a fascinating world of magic and whimsy.

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maybe if we make enough jokes about the writers barely disguised fetish and op is this fetish art 🫣 we will all come to realize that any act of creation is fetishistic and highly libidinal

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my phone does this to me

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trying to do this and spilling wine all over myself everywhere the carpet my friends the cat

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i should have seen the warning signs in high school. they were always telling me “you’re soo skinny! and i’m sooo fat.” except they used the ayurvedic system of doshas (vata, pitta, kapha) to say it, and it had circles like the enneagram so i kind of believed them.

they liked john green but i never ended up reading any of his books bc whenever my friend described them, they always sounded kind of boring. one time i found a copy of the pale king on their floor and started reading it and fell in love with dead old dfw right there. But when i learned that he didn’t finish writing the book, i went to the library and checked out infinite jest instead and that’s how i became insufferable.

i really really want to meet someone who Gets It

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in high school me and a friend agreed there was something called “Getting It” that some people did and others didn’t. We never really decided what “it” was, but we had ideas about which people and which writers also shared this unverbalized understanding.

Then later on in college my friend got a really bad eating disorder and like one of those illness/allergy type things like my aunt has where nobody is ever quite sure if it’s psychosomatic? Which is kind of also how i feel every time i’m sick ever.

Anyway they became a vegan activist and dumped lobsters back in the ocean (or did they just show me a video of other people doing that?) while i joined JVP to go yell at israeli diplomats and state representatives. i assume we are both communists and stuff now but we haven’t talked in years so who knows. The last time i heard from them they were a social worker, but that’s like the most burnout-inducing job on earth, so i kinda assume they’re not doing that anymore.

i really really want to meet someone who Gets It

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oh weird, i deliberately avoided picking “viscera in a baby crib” bc i figured it would be the most popular by a long shot. Who the hell is answering this quiz then?!

no "other/see results" option bc JUST CHOOSE ONE

YOU TOO, GENDER-CONFORMERS,

EVERYONE!

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Roasted chicken, ginger, daikon, shiitake mushroom soup with lime, cilantro, broccoli sprouts, and rice noodles

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I think the biggest downside to having animal ears and a tail would be trying to mask your discomfort in public like imagine trying to play it cool in customer service but your tail keeps bristling

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"Toxic Yuri" would be a beautiful name for a heavily tattooed Russian bouncer