#gay people should get to make bad choices sometimes. as a treat <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[deliriousblue]

the trainee episode seven part four world's biggest yeahhhhhh boiiiii!!! love when gay people make bad choices and love when gay people yell at each other. huge win for ME.

still genuinely do not know where they're going with the tae/judy/bah-mee storyline — which honestly i'm happy about — but i really appreciate how all of their choices make perfect sense on a character level and also are baaaad decisions.

bah-mee? baby's first gay crush plus feeling neglected in her current relationship. perfect storm. judy? really bad look for power dynamics reasons alone but also having a real connection with someone for maybe the first time given how focused she is on her work. tae? obviously most blameless in the current situation but also holding the largest idiot ball (again understandably!) for throwing himself into trying to finish work and totally missing the signs that bah-mee felt ignored and assumed he'd forgotten her.

and meanwhile love immediately contrasting that scene with janeryan and jane still referring to himself as phi while yelling at ryan and throwing "just don't even come in anymore if you don't want to" in his face and the two of them physically holding themselves back.......judybahmee is all tripping into something almost by accident and getting in way too deep before you've even realized you've begun while jane and especially ryan are much more aware of and direct about their relationship and the dynamic between them. compels me!

[trekwiz]

The super supportive parent in media is a reaction to this. It's the depiction of what we deserve, in contrast to what we get.

Because, ultimately, parents should feel obligated to meet that super supportive depiction. It's what parents are supposed to be. That's the norm for how parents treat their heterosexual kids. Coming in less than that is a failure.

The analysis usually stops at "are they supportive when you come out or not?" But that's a shallow understanding that ignores years of behavior.

How does someone get to a point where they're afraid their parents won't be accepting? Where they're afraid there will be limits on love?

You can't just learn that in school from the behavior of your peers and teachers. Can you imagine a kid going through this thought process: "a bigger kid bullied me. People who are bigger and stronger are bullies. My parents are bigger and stronger than me, therefore they're abusive"?

No kid is going to draw that conclusion unless the parent is already engaging in abusive behaviors. A loving parent who treats the kid with due care is inherently providing evidence against that conclusion.

When you're in the closet, people don't filter their thoughts and behaviors for you. You see the real them. Someone who may be nice and courteous to an out gay person isn't going to hide their homophobic beliefs when they talk to someone they perceive as hetero.

I know we talk about that in regards to peers, and how jarring it is. But we don't really acknowledge that it applies to parents and family, too. And sometimes that's because the things they said or did occurred when you were 3, or 4, and you just don't consciously remember it. They didn't consider that they may have a gay child, and so they didn't filter out those thoughts or behaviors. The specific memory may be gone, but the impact and the way it made you feel remains.

They engaged in behaviors that were hurtful and demonstrated that they can't be trusted. When they're partially supportive, they're betraying the fact that they're not really, actually, supportive. They're saving face with you; they're using the filter that makes them polite. But they're not really looking at how their behavior affects you and how they need to change to become a better parent.

Is it better than them being openly homophobic? That's for you to decide.

I don't really think so, though. They engaged in behaviors that made you feel lesser for decades. They didn't do their job as a parent. It's really not a lot to ask them to make up for their failure by being that kind of parent now that they know better. They can't change their mistakes of the past. But they can at least stop making the same ones over again.

And I think not forgiving them for repeated mistakes is an important first step. "They could be worse to me" is brainwashing. It's usually associated with psychological abuse. It's a concept designed to make you accept harmful behavior without question, and to feel guilty for setting reasonable boundaries. It's not for your benefit.

People are hesitant to cut out or limit contact with parents because our society acts like that's a bad thing. But if they can't and won't respect you, why keep in contact with people you would have cut out of your life if they were friends?

"But they did so much for me; they fed me and put a roof over my head." They met their minimum legal requirement to be responsible for the choices they made. They owed that to you. If they didn't want to do those things, they should have abstained from sex, or put you up for adoption. You owe them no debt for doing the bare minimum.

And it doesn't erase the things they did to you, emotionally and psychologically. Safety to be yourself is something they owed you. If they still refuse to meet that obligation, they're in your debt, not the other way around. Protect yourself. Decrease or end contact if it's safe to, until they can provide the respect you're entitled to as a person.

I feel like we always see parents who are 100% super supportive allies, or parents who are horrible and cruel.  At least in media or in the most popular stories.  But I feel like that ignores just how many people have parents where you just have no idea?  And even if you think they’ll accept you on a surface level, you don’t know if they have a breaking point.  Especially if you need to go on hrt, or request they change the way they think about and refer to you.  Sure they’re liberal and all, or centrists, or “tolerant”, but how far does that stretch?

I think most closeted LGBT+ kids live like this, wading around in the grey area.  I’d like it of more of us knew that was normal, I’d like if we talked about it more.

[semper-legens]

136. The Runaway’s Diary, by James Patterson and Emily Raymond

Owned?: No, library Page count: 273 My summary: Eleanor shouldn’t be getting on a bus to Seattle alone, with no plan other than to find her sister. She’s fifteen years old, has no money, and no idea what she should be doing. But her sister Sam has been missing for months, and nobody really seems to care what could have happened to her. Can Eleanor find Sam before it’s too late? My rating: 3/5 My commentary:

Like most people who work in libraries, I don’t like James Patterson. ‘His’ books are mostly written by ghostwriters - he’s more a brand than a writer, and apparently he treats his ghostwriters terribly. But this has been staring at me from the graphic novels section for a while so, what the hell, why not, I’ll read it. And it was...fine. I’ve got some problems with it, but ultimately, it’s alright. Nothing really to write home about, honestly.

Eleanor is...hmm. The story is trying too hard to make her Quirky And Relatable - she’s dorky, awkward, talks to herself in public, and is bad at interacting with people. Her Thing is that she’s imaginative, and likes telling stories, which calls into question some of what she tells her about her life. But I don’t really think we learn too much about Eleanor, over the course of the story? Just her inferiority complex, and that she feels guilty about her sister leaving, for reasons that are later revealed. The story was trying so hard to make her endearing, but at the cost of her character. She also makes some fucking stupid choices, and is really naive about the idea of running away. I get that that’s the point, largely, but still. I think I’d have been more savvy about this as a fifteen year old, and I was a sheltered kid.

My problems with the story are largely in the ending. Eleanor finds Sam; as it turns out, she left when she found out she was pregnant, and is living with her partner in the city. Sam calls their parents, and they take Eleanor home. But like, the story’s kind of been implying that Eleanor’s parents are neglectful, so is that a happy ending? Eleanor’s befriended a homeless kid, Jesse, on her travels through Seattle, but there’s little resolution on that. Eleanor goes home, and Jesse’s all ‘don’t worry about me I’ve found a couch to crash on’. Next to Jesse, though, who was kicked out for being gay, Eleanor’s problems don’t seem all that big. She can go home. She’s got other options. And it just feels a bit disingenous for Eleanor and the narrative to just kind of leave Jesse hanging there like that.

As usual, I’m no artist, but I like the art style here. It’s bright and expressive, and really distinguishes its characters well. There is a bit of anime side-mouth going on there, though, which was offputting in a slightly more realistic style. And sometimes the proportions are kind of weird, characters have oddly tiny heads. Like, it was fine, just a little too anime-inspired for what it seemed to be going for.

Next up, back into history, and the twilight of the American Civil War.

[vemuabhi]

Insecurities - Benn Beckman X Male Reader

Requested by Sletza147 (wattpad)

Pairing : Benn Beckman X Male! Feminine! Reader 

Word count : 2.1K

A/N : There are a lot of people who are not truly accepting who they are because of this judgemental society. Everyone needs to be given a chance and be appreciated for who they are. I loved writing this request because it was really meaningful and lovely. If a person reading this is not accepting their true self because of this society, I just want to let you know that you are amazing and you are worth everything. Stay strong and love yourself!

Listen to  Scars to your Beautiful (Clickable). Its a song I really love which show the worth of every person. I was thinking about this song as I wrote this.

Warnings : Angst, Alcohol, Comfort and then happy ending.

You sit in the corner table of the bar as you chug the glass of beer in front of you. Was it the 7th or the 9th glass? You didn’t know. You didn’t care. All you wanted then to do was to drink away all your problems.

‘Why should it happen to me’, you thought as you clenched your wrist. You placed the glass on the table with a thud and walked towards the podium where some musicians played music. The bar seemed livelier now. You stood on the podium and turned around. Took the mic in your hand and started to sing a song as the musicians played music. You were singing a popular song so everyone cheered you and some even joined you while you sang. This time this lively group were really nice too.

After the song was finished, everyone clapped for you and you bowed. You tried to get down the podium, but as you were drunk, you slipped. But in an instant strong hands stopped you from falling.

“Ah! Thanks”, you said as you looked at the person. He was a tall man with raven black hair. He had a cigarette in his mouth and sharp black eyes.

You pulled away from him and made your way back to your spot. Other people started to sing and dance. Another glass came to you. You this time slowly sipped it. Then the same man with black hair came towards you.

“Is this place taken?”, he asked.

“No. As if anyone would want to sit and drink with me”, you answered as you gave him a weak smile. He sat in the chair and asked, “Why wouldn’t anyone want to sit with you? You seem like a really fun person”

You laughed at his words and asked for the bartender for another glass. “Well, lets see why not”, you said as you straightened your back. He sipped from his glass as he closely listened to you.

“I am a guy and I walk in a way everyone thinks is wrong for a man, to walk like that. I talk in this high pitch voice of mine, and everyone considers it as wrong, for a man. I try to look a bit colourful, and everyone says its not manly, for a guy. In simple words, everyone says ‘I’m not normal’. Now, tell me who would want to sit with me”, you said as the waiter placed another glass of beer in front of you.

“You are drinking too much”, he said only for you to scoff in return.

You sip it slowly and then continue, “People are really mean. They just don’t care what the other person is feeling. If you want to live, you either have to be rich and powerful or super perfect in every way”, you said and looked at him. You thought he wouldn’t care or would stop listening to you, but he kept listening.

You sighed and said, “Many said I was too feminine for a guy to be. Even my family. Also my ex-boyfriend”, you drank some more beer and added, “People love to bully others and especially, when they find someone like me, they won’t hold their horses anymore. You know how hard it is being a gay person. It would become even harder for feminine gay person like me. Where ever you go, people judge you. So, here I am, just like every week. Drinking to reduce the pain in my heart”, you smiled at him as you finish your glass.

“Sometimes, I wish I was normal”, you end with a fake chuckle. The man in front of you listened to every single word of yours carefully.

He drank his beer and placed the glass on the table. He looked sternly at you and said, “You are normal. You are, even if you agree or not”, he said as he indicated for another glass to the waiter.

He turned towards you and said, “There is nothing in this world, which is perfect. Yes, people judge, talk and bully. But if you prove, not to them, but to yourself about how amazing you are, you won’t be sad and drunk like this. Most people are trash and talk bad of one who is hard working, talented and good hearted. That’s hoe people are. If you want to become strong, work hard for yourself. If you want to achieve something, achieve it for yourself. Not for the sake of others. You are worth of many things”, he said as he smiled at you.

“You are already perfect. If you want to become even stronger, come join our Red hair pirates. We won’t judge you”, he said as his hand wiped your cheek. That was when you noticed that you were crying. He was a man who said you were worth it. He got up and placed some cash on the table.

“My treat. Don’t drink too much from now”, he said and left to his original group.

‘He was… he was a pirate and said all those nice things to me’ you thought as you took your belongings and left the place.

The next day you got up with your head killing you. This time, the hangover was worse than previous week. You remembered the man from last night and even if your head was in immense pain, you freshened and went towards the port for any pirate ship. ‘I don’t want to stay here. No person would even care if I leave. I’d die having a fun adventure rather than live with toxic people around me’, you thought as you searched for the ship.

After a while you saw a ship of the red hair pirates, which the man mentioned last night. You saw the man with red hair from the night before. ‘If I remember correctly, he is the friend of the raven haired man’, you thought as you made your way towards him.

“Excuse me, can I talk to you”, you asked the man as he smiled at you and stopped in his tracks.

“Hey! I saw you last night. You are the singer right”, he asked making you chuckle. The intense pain returned back to you and you winced in pain.

“Are you okay?”, he asked and you nodded as you still held your head.

“I saw your friend last night, can I please speak to him”, you asked the man who nodded as he placed his hand on your shoulder and said, “You really don’t seem ok, just come onto the ship. I’ll make sure someone gives you a medicine”, he said. You could only nod at that pain.

He led you towards the pirate ship and took you inside. It was your first time inside a pirate ship and you looked around even though you were in pain. He took you towards a room which looked like a medic room. He told you to sit on the bed and you obliged. He then looked out of the room and said, “Ah! Benn, come here! I need your help”, he said and the same man you were looking for came in. He was surprised to see you there.

“Oh my! You really came! And you met the captain himself”, he said

“What!”, you looked at the red haired man and said, “You are the captain. I… I’m sorry I didn’t even introduce myself”

“Haha, Its fine. I’m Shanks. Benn told me about you last night. So, do you want to become a pirate?”, he asked and you said, “Yes sir, if its ok, can I join your crew. I’ll make sure I’ll get stronger”

“That’s the sprit! Good. Welcome to the crew!”, Shanks exclaimed and continued, “Benn, could you give the newbie medicine, I’ll be back”, the captain left with that leaving you and Benn alone.

“I told you, you shouldn’t drink that much. See what happened now”, he said as he took a medicine from the cupboard and gave it to you.

“Take this. You’ll soon feel better”, he smiled and sat beside you. You took the medicine and it was sure horrible.

You looked at him and asked, “Why did you invite me to be one of the crew? Don’t you think, I may be a spy or a secret marine? How could you trust a stranger like me, not to say was drunk too at that moment?”

He smiled at you and said, “Yeah that’s a good question but, when I saw your tears just because of some words from a stranger. Your tears… they were pure. So, I offered you to come to the crew, to become even stronger”. You blushed at his words and he laughed seeing your red face.

Then began your journey as a member of the Red hair pirates group. The beginning wasn’t easy. The training was really tough. But you didn’t give up. You wanted to make your captain proud of you. He gave you the opportunity to join them. So you were really grateful to him. You trained with all the members but especially Benn. He gave you special attention and made you stronger. You loved visiting the new islands. They were all so different and unique. While you were on the ship, you noticed that the crew had zero sense of money. Getting to one island, the dorks would spend money on every useless thing and be broke for a lot of time.

As you didn’t want that to happen you took the matter in your hands and started to take care of the money. You started to make sure to give everyone equal share and save some for future. And due to your doings, they at least didn’t be too poor. You really had a hard time make sure to keep their sneaky hands away from the money. Fighting them while they tried to take money made you to become more will powered and stronger.

After 3 years, you showed a real improvement in your combat skills and made Benn and Shanks really proud of you. This crew didn’t once treated you differently. They respected you and treated you as one of them. They never mocked you. If anyone ever tried to make fun of the way you are, they beat the crap out of them.

You loved your crew. But especially… one person even more. That was the first mate of the crew. You always had feelings for him but never expressed them. But one night at a bar on an island, a guy suddenly stated to hit on you. You tried to reject him but he wouldn’t budge. As he was becoming creepier, you had no other choice but to search around for any of the members who weren’t completely wasted. You saw Benn was looking at you. It was as if he was waiting for a signal. “BABE! OVER HERE!”, you called Benn. His face slushed red at how you called him. He came towards you and sat beside you with his arm around your shoulder. Just one glare from Benn, made him to run away.

“Huff… Thanks for coming. He just wouldn’t leave”, you said as you drank the beer and continued, “I wish I also had a boyfriend or just be in a relationship. Makino san and Shanks are always making me jealous”, you fake chuckled and placed the glass on the table.

“Do… Do you like someone?”, he asked making your heart skip a beat.

“What if I say I do? What will you do?”, you asked but the latter didn’t even look at you. ‘If I tell it now, I can blame it was a joke right, since I won’t find a chance like this to play it off’, you thought.

You took the beer glass from his hand and said, “What will you do if I say, I like you? Would you then go out with me?”. Everything was silent but as soon as you said that, he looked at you with a stunned expression. You could see the pink hue on his cheeks.

“Yes, i… I’d go out with you”, he said as he turned his gaze away from you. ‘He is blushing! Oh god… is.. this happening? Is this a dream’, you thought as you looked at him with your eyes wide open.

“Wait, were… were you joking”, you asked him but he looked at you more seriously and said, “Why would I joke, in a moment like this?” he exhaled and turned towards you as he took your hand. “Y/N, will you go out with me. I promise I won’t let anyone or anything hurt you. Please be my boyfriend”.

You had no words to answer to his confession. All you could do was nod rigorously as tears slid down your face. He pulled you close to him and you wrapped your arms around his shoulder. 

After a while you went ahead to the podium space where people sing sometimes and took the mic. You took a deep breath and started to sing as people turned their focus on you. This time, you only looked at one person as you smiled and sang.

You don’t have to change a thing the world could change its heart

The scars to your beautiful 

We’re stars we’re beautiful

XOXOXOXO

I hope you liked it! Please forgive me for any mistakes.

Tell me how you feel by giving me a Like, Comment and Reblog. Thanks for Reading!

[abirdonalilactree]

First gay ship I watched that actually became canon. (kinda toxic tho-)

Y'all remember the first time you saw your gay ship become canon? I suppose for many of you it was Supernatural. 

For me it was back in 2013 when the series finale of Rules of Engagement came out, which is pretty early if you are talking about gay stuff. Not only did we get a slowburn spanning over several seasons, it also ended in a gay wedding.

In this essay I will talk about why this ship is so important to me and why it also was toxic as feck.

The show is about two couples and their single friend, all at different stages in their relationships, deal with the complications of dating, commitment, and marriage. From season three on, there kinda is a slow burn until season seven ends with the two unmarried couples getting married as well.

What started as a horrible boss messing with his assistant turned into a surprising love story.

 I'm not sure why I came back to this series after so many years in the first place. Some of the jokes are quite offensive so here is a warning for that. But on the other hand, all episodes are up on YouTube for free soo… Right now, in the September of 2021 we have exactly 20 fics on Ao3 by amazing authors. We are a really small fandom. The show ended in 2013 but like three or four people are still here.

Let me introduce the main characters:

The married couple consists of Jeff and Audrey Bingham. Jeff has been a financial manager and husband of Audrey since 1995. He has a rather deadpan, cold and sardonic personality and sense of self, particularly when dealing with Russell and Adam, but he is not sadistic or unkind, thereby rendering these traits as merely ironic and biting humor. He loves sports, shuns anything that might resemble sensitivity and often views his marriage as a competition or war, refusing to let Audrey "win" the upper hand at anything.

Audrey is an editor at Indoor Living magazine before later resigning and the assertive, modern wife of Jeff. She tolerates her husband's insensitivity because she knows he is not malicious and will do whatever it takes to make the situation right once he realizes his mistake. As a couple, they both can be very condescending and manipulative towards each other, in order to gain the upper hand, and typically don't like to concede to the other that they were wrong.

Adam Rhodes, a sensitive and well-meaning, but extremely naive and super extremely stupid, co-worker of Russell and Timmy, and Jennifer's fiancé throughout the series until they are married in the series finale. He is a neighbor of Jeff and Audrey, looks up to Jeff, and often acts on Jeff's relationship advice -This usually results in making the situation worse for himself. Jennifer Morgan is the fiancée and eventual wife of Adam, who endures his faults because of his good looks. She is very self-conscious of him, and will often try to spare him from embarrassment.

Timir "Timmy" Patel was introduced in season 3 and became a season regular from season 4-7. He first appears when Russell hires him as his assistant.  Although he is fluent in seven languages and holds an MBA, Timmy is often forced to do menial work or to solve Russell's trivial problems which often annoys Timmy. While many of Russell's schemes disgust him, Timmy will often see them through so that he can enjoy Russell's deserved penalty. 

Russell Dunbar on the other hand is wealthy, only due to his trust fund, which he uses to impress and seduce women. He is presented as a seedy and sleazy man who only cares about how many women he can get. However, it is shown that he has a softer side. His relationships within the group are seemingly conflicted, many of the group dislike his behaviour and mock him, as they do everyone else, but it seems that he expresses just as much distaste for them as he does not choose to invite them places unless he needs them to. Through Timmy, he is analysed by a psychiatrist to have sociopathic tendencies which explains his destructive behaviour.

He is also self absorbed and immature.

...But the thing is sometimes he isn’t.

While all three relationships show a lot of signs of toxicity, Timmy and Russell’s relationship is certainly the most destructive one. Which is mostly Russell’s fault.

But let me show you.

From a psychological point of view, their relationship ticks most of the boxes of a toxic relationship.

Toxic communication

Instead of treating each other with kindness, most of their conversations are filled with sarcasm, criticism, or overt hostility. Yet sometimes kindness is in fact seeking through.

Jealousy

There is so, so much jealousy going on. Russell really does everything to not allow Timmy to get together with a woman. Although only as the show goes on, it becomes clear that Russell is jealous because he has fallen for Timmy.

Controlling behaviors

Russell is questioning where Timmy is all the time or becoming overly upset when he doesn’t immediately answer texts are both signs of controlling behavior, which can contribute to toxicity in a relationship. And it gets so much worse than that. But more to that later.

Resentment

Yes.

Dishonesty

Yes. ALL the time.

Patterns of disrespect

Being chronically late, casually “forgetting” events, and other behaviors that show disrespect for each other's time are a red flag. This makes it red flag number six. 

Constant stress

A normal amount of tension runs through every relationship, but finding oneself constantly on edge is an indicator that something’s off. Yet another red flag.

This ongoing stress can take a toll on the physical and emotional health of a person. Which is one hundred percent happening.

Ignoring needs

Going along with whatever one partner wants to do, even when it goes against the wishes or comfort level of the other one. From his first episode in the show on, Timmy is forced to do absurd stuff he doesn’t want to do and honestly no one should do for their boss.

Lost relationships

Stopping to spend time with friends and family, either to avoid conflict with a partner or to get around having to explain what’s happening in the relationship.

Hoping for change

One might stay in a relationship because they see the other person’s potential or think that if they just change themselves and their actions, their partner will change as well. And it’s the little moments when Russell shows for only moments the tiniest bit of being a good person that make Timmy stay with him.

Walking on eggshells

One worries that by bringing up problems, they’ll provoke extreme tension, so they become conflict avoidant and keep any issues to themselves.

Lack of support however is arguably not always one of their problems. But we’ll come back to that.

And still, they share their sweet moments.

The following clip, made by CBS itself shows really well how it is for them to work with each other.

https://youtu.be/GfPI3HgMYoI

And then there is character development. Here the group of friends talks about Jeff lying to his wife about another friends bachelor party because he doesn’t want to spend time with her aunt.

https://youtu.be/LQPIFcrBltQ

Russell doesn't want to get married, clearly. This clip also conveys pretty well how horrible those people are. 

There is this tension and the gay jokes. This clip also shows really well how manipulative Russell -tries- to be.

https://youtu.be/XkdycXzX4ag

And then there are moments like these: In season 6 Timmy wanted to impress a woman who only wants to date singers so Russell teaches him how to play the guitar with the ulterior motive of Timmy embarrassing himself in front of the whole company. This idea backfires when Russell realises that he can’t watch Timmy suffer like that and he joins on stage and they start this duet that’s like super gay.

https://youtu.be/UH3P_LfBBQo

To be with you by Mr Big is an interesting choice of song. -Not only because it’s quite romantic but also because the lyrics seem to be surprisingly fitting at second glance.

Let’s analyze it because Music is an important aspect.

“One of the great unrequited love songs, "To Be With You" has a true story behind it. Mr. Big lead singer Eric Martin wrote the song when he was still a teenager - 16 or 17 in his estimation. The girl was Patricia Reynolds, and he had it bad for her.

"We were really, really good friends," Martin said in a Songfacts interview. "I was totally enamored with this woman. She was beautiful. Smart. I mean, brains, beauty, break down the walls, made me crawl on my belly like a reptile!

I just loved this woman, but she just wanted to be my friend. She'd have tons of boyfriends, and maybe she misconstrued promiscuity for love. But I wanted to be the knight in shining armor. That's what I was, a knight in shining armor. But basically, I didn't get my feet wet. I wrote it about how I would have done anything to just be more than a friend and a confidante."”

-https://www.songfacts.com/facts/mr-big/to-be-with-you

So much to the history of the song. Do you see the parallels? Do you see them? Do you?

Anyway. When Russell joins Timmy on the stage, he starts with the lines:

Build up your confidence

So you can be on top for once

Wake up, who cares about

Little boys that talk too much

I think this has to be taken literally. Not sure how much I should go into detail here. 

This however brings us back to the point of support from our list earlier.

I've seen it all go down

The game of love was all rained out

So come on baby, come on over

Let me be the one to hold you

I'm the one who wants to be with you (I'm the one, yeah)

Deep inside I hope you feel it too (feel it too)

Waited on a line of greens and blues (waited on a line yeah)

Just to be the next to be with you

That’s kinda Gay.

There are jokes all over the seasons that Timmy and Russell are gay but it becomes most clear that Russell is in love with Timmy, in the last season, when Timmy leaves to go on vacation and Russell misses him so much that he gets a girlfriend and turns her into a copy of Timmy.

Things get worse when Timmy finds out that Russell completely lost his marbles and chipped him to always know his whereabouts. This finally makes Timmy leave the company and get a new job where he finally gets treated with respect. It is shown how they miss each other despite everything. But then Timmy loses his work Visa which turns out to be completely Russell’s fault.

Right after Jenn and Adam marry in the last episode, Russell proposes to Timmy so he can stay in America but it becomes clear that there is more than his conscience that made him do this.

Russell turning his girlfriend into Timmy. (There is no heterosexual explanation for this):

https://youtu.be/sX1xTybc6vI

Timmy finding out how much Russell really stalks him. (like. he is totally in love with him):

https://youtu.be/jPWKdwpXCLU

Their Wedding (seems pretty gay to me):

https://youtu.be/Ymp-zaTmnD8

 You need to see the whole show as it is. A bunch of horrible people that are made fun of.

Furthermore you could argue that they don’t actually kiss. But maybe marriage is even more meaningful. 

I suppose that since we get so little representation, we like to clasp onto everything we can get. Because when I watched this I was too young to understand how offensive the shit they talk about really is. But after all it meant a lot to my gay little heart.

So many years later I gotta say that it needs to be said that it’s a toxic relationship after all. Don’t try it at home. Don’t try it with your boss or assisstant.

In the end it’s a green card marriage. But there is this whole arch of Russell falling in love with Timmy. Most clearly in the last three episodes but also starting a lot earlier. It’s a slow burn after all. It’s never said out loud but we got two bisexual characters right there.

Now I’m asking around my friends what their first gay ship was that became canon. The results really show that we don’t get enough representation in series. Just wow.

Hannigram became canon. kinda. They jumped off a cliff together instead of kissing. That one dude from supernatural you guys keep talking about got sent to super gay hell after confessing.

What I want to say is I just wanna see a healthy gay ship become canon some day.

Thanks for reading!

...So what was your first gay ship that became canon? 

[feckin-zicons]

that's why i hate larries, i hate them with all my heart. besides being boring they are hypocrites 🙄

Hey nonnie, sorry its taken me so long to reply but if you’re following me you know I’ve been travelling lately and have been more scatterbrained than usual. Not that I’m ever not scatterbrained, but its been just a little crazier than usual!

Now I wouldn’t go as far to say I hate Larries. After all their delusions can be pretty funny sometimes!

Joking aside, I don’t hate Larries, I love Larries, I’m a Larry, so I really hesitate to tarry the whole group with the same brush. However I do strongly agree with you that there are those who are complete hypocrites. Nothing annoys more more than when Larries ™ treat the other boys, other celebrities, their friends and even family as one more side character to the Larry Show.

In particular when Larries ™ flood comment sections asking or in some cases, ordering people to confirm rumors/the couple being together. The absolute fucking disrespect. Not just because they’re flooding comment sections in videos streams, tweets, what have you, that sometimes have nothing to do with the couple in question, but because its presumptuous and rude as fuck to think they’re owed a coming out- just because they’re fans of the boys.

Stop it. Thats fucking ugly as hell.

While I have no doubt all the boys will one day be out (as referenced by their continued efforts in fighting the closet. I don’t get the sense the boys will just stop at being freed from their contractual obligations). It should and will be on their own terms. Provided they’re not forcibly outed some other way.

Coming out is a deeply personal experience and no one, no one ever, has the right to out someone else. I’ll never not be absolutely furious at the Larries ™ who posted about having ‘receipts’ that would out the boys. Which… tbh weren’t receipts at all but thats a whole other story. I’m also still angry at the reactions after Liams Attitude spread that wouldn’t have been as bad if not for the entitled fandom that peddled ridiculous claims beforehand about Liam confirming Larry to be real.

I mean… What the actual fuck. Setting aside the fandom experience of the time, and boy was it an experience. What right would Liam have confirming Louis and Harry’s relationship? I mean, get some perspective? It doesn’t help that a lot of fandom adults were the ones coming up with, and reblogging those theories and the younger fans ate it up. It would have made more sense for Louis and Harry to do it but idk maybe I’m still out of touch for thinking so. I mean, it felt like every other week someone was talking about Larry coming out. It was such a shit storm oh my god.

Biggest issue I still have with them is that the entitled behaviour hasn’t stopped. For some it seems like, Larry coming out is it for them. Like pack it up, goodbye, shows over, Louis and Harry are gay and in a relationship and everything is rainbows, we get to see cute pictures of them and everyone lives happily ever after.

Yeah, no. Coming out, for anyone, is just the beginning, can’t even begin to imagine what its like for them. They’re still going to need everyones support, and it irritates me that for some fans it seems so fucking conditional.

Time and time again, I’ve seen tweets, and posts, and videos, whatever, going on about Larry coming out and it reads like a fucking wattpad story. Not just that but its always on the assumption by the poster, on the off chance they consider the other 3/5ths of the band and Ziam being a possibility, that Larry will come out first?

What?

I’m sorry but, what?

Everything I’ve seen from the boys tells me they’re all in this together, they support each other and are working through the bullshit as a team. We have all seen the No Judgement music video yes? The merch, posts, double speak etc referencing each other, yes?

I mean, I suppose if you only look at Louis and Harry, like so many do, sure. Only Larry matters, everyone else is a side character in their life.

(Lemme just, scream for a second).

However, that kind of thinking leads them to the wrong conclusions. Like… assuming the SBB/RBB countdown was attributed to nothing, when it counted down to Liam finally being free of Sophia. In the years since, I’ve seen Larries ™ backtrack on claiming the bears had anything to do with the boys, that they weren’t behind it at all, or that they were just trolling the fandom.

You know, despite all the proof otherwise, and some really, really good posts breaking down clues about what the boys were trying to tell us. The moment something might not actually be about Louis and Harry its like all their thinking shuts off. Its frustrating. Really fucking frustrating.

Seriously, fans of the other boys as individulas, not just Ziams, have been talking about the stunts too and how they fit together. Its why we tend to be right, because we’re considering the entire group. They’re still a group. They’re not free until all of them are free.

Just for that Nialls coming out first. Lmao. I’ll call it now. Lets go Niall, whens the baby coming. We all wanna know. Its been years.

Imagine, imagine! Acting like coming out is some race to be won. The fucking audacity.

Go outside and touch fucking grass you absoulte ninny.

I get it, you want to be vindicated, you want to be rewarded for putting your faith in two celebrities being together.

Newsflash you dandelionfluff, its not a race, Louis and Harry coming out isn’t a fucking prize. Thats not what supporting a relationship looks like.

Its worse when someone admits they don’t know much about Ziam or the possibility of Niall being LGBT+, and claim they’re open to it, but then immediately tweet or reblog or sub tweet or tag comment a post or answer an ask from another Larry ™ talking about how Larries ™ are the most marginalized and persecuted group.

???

In what fucking world?

IN WHAT FUCKING WORLD?

If we wanna play that game, boohoo, the media claims Louis and Harry aren’t friends anymore because of crazy shippers. Meanwhile Zayn publicly isn’t friend with anyone and “left” the band… despite the Ziam fandom calling the stunt about either Louis or Zayn “leaving” and getting it down to the exact week (the second article coming out a week before about the Ziam kiss pretty much cemented it for Zayn leaving. Which did a lot to fan the flames of the already rabid fanbase when Ziam got two articles confirming a Ziam kiss over the years and Larry got nada. Like that actually means anything).

Not to mention Larries ™ using the hetties and management tactics against the other parts of the fandom to silence them.

Who cares what the media says anyway!  TPTB, 1DHQ, The Sun, The Mirror, Simon and his minions and their unpaid interns have used the media to split the fandom apart and it worked.

Who the fuck cares if the media calls the 1D stans delusional, you know the truth! The truth it out there and you’ve seen it! The truth is coming! Who gives a damn about what some two bit “journo” who failed out of their creative writing course writes? They get worse by the year. If it wasn’t so pathetic and hilarious I might actually feel embarrassed for them. They can’t even come up with new stories and have just taken to copying old articles, but you’re upset with them??? Give it a rest. Honestly.

The sense of disconnect, entitlement and victimhood of some Larries ™ is absolutely ridiculous.

Oh my god they’re Karens. I’m not trying to be insulting, but thats exactly who they remind me of.

I’m not going to say its a surprise to me that so many in the Ziam fandom are POC, LGBT+, and Neurodivergent and any combination of those, but I am going to say I’ve read a lot of Larry fics that just have Het sex made gay. Those in the Ziam fandom just tend to look at facts in a different way than Larries do due to their life experiences. A interfaith, interracial, relationship where one or both partners fall under the Bi umbrella (not saying Louis or Harry can’t be or aren’t Bi+ but rumors, and the way the fandom markets them, puts them firmly in the gay category) looks very, very different than gay or straight relationship. Both looking from outside and being in one. There’s just different dynamics at play that aren’t often realized or understood by the gays and hets.

Its not a bad thing. All relationships are different. The issue is that theres a lot of biphobia/racism/religious prejudice etc that arises from people being unwilling to understand the inherent differences.

Taking myself for example, I’m bi, like, bi as hell, and I don’t understand how gays and hets only like one gender. I just don’t. Can’t wrap my head around it. If someone asks me to choose one gender over the others to prefer I can’t. Its so stressful. My brain goes into panic mode and it feels like I’m being torn apart. My sense of identity is shaken- its a shit feeling. I just can’t lie to myself like that. If other people feel the same well, its no wonder bi+ have such high rates of depression and suicide. Its not about choosing who to like, there is no choice, I just feel attraction to everyone. Aces, I get. Its similar to being the opposite of what I feel, or not feeling an attraction to someone I’m not interested in. Easy. Gays and hets? I’m completely lost on.

Completely, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. But that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try and understand where they’re coming from. Its alien to me, personally, but I’m not going to shut down the fact, that theres a fuck ton of people who only like one gender or try and make up reasons as to why they’re actually bi+

I digress, none of the boys fall neatly into the gay stereotypes, its just that parts of the Larry fandom have boxed Louis and Harry into certain roles to fit preconceived notions (likely do to them initially fitting in better with the white, sassy, somewhat effeminate twink thats been plastered all over Hollywood as their “LGBT+ representation” for years. Gag), they can understand better, and only look for proof to back up their theories but don’t look at things objectively.

They really need to get out more and make some LGBT+ friends that aren’t on the internet and talk to some gay elders. They need educating that’s not the often sanitized and insulting Hollywood version, that’s all I’m saying.

They made Louis and Harry more palatable for themselves and its… really gross.

I don’t know, I don’t get it.

Some Larries ™ turned the boys into their fandom and fanfiction stereotypes when they’re so much more than that. The Sony leaks should have been enough to dissuade the fandom, and prove that the brand sold to the broader audience is just that- a brand, and yet… Niall only talks about food and golf and Ireland and is only allowed to be straight or ace. If he exists at all its just to be Capt Niall. Liams slow and dumb and depending on the day he’s either Capt Liam or a horrific abusive homophobe. Zayns just The Worst, a unstable drug addict, and the boys hate each other, and they should have kicked him out of the band sooner because he never wanted to be part of them anyway, etc.

It drives me absolutely around the bend some days. They’re real people who don’t owe anyone anything, especially not coming out.

Yes, I think they will. But they’re not obligated to. They can change their minds, I’ll support them regardless of an “official” coming out or not.

Look, a part of me gets it. They wanna be right, they wanna prove the haters wrong, they want to be able to say I called it all along! The vindication will be sweet.

But like, it takes a quick look at someone other than Louis and Harry to realize theres something hinky going on with Liam, Zayn and Niall. Please listen to their fans who have spent just as much time as you have looking into Louis and Harry compiling together evidence.

It might take a weekend to watch the ILYSM and pterodactyl bros videos and a few more hours looking into some Niall blogs, which isn’t much compared to the hours I know they’ve spent looking into Larry. At least then they’ll have enough information to form an opinion on things.

I wonder, for some, what would happen if Larry didn’t come out, or didn’t come out first, or one of the other boys was outed against their will. Because… I don’t know. It seems like some would rather just be proven right at this point.

I get it. We’re tired. Its been eleven long years. But this isn’t a television show were everything can come to a head with a s3 or s4 cliff hanger and fixed in the series finale. Its real life, and they started off as boys trusting industry veterans who never had their best interests at heart.

Iduno. I just want some Larries ™ to take a step out of the echo chamber, realize life isn’t The Larry Show & co. And especially. ESPECIALLY, that every instance were someone, friends, family, co-works, industry peeps etc support the boys they are SUPPORTING THE BOYS, NOT THE FANDOM. They are not “confirming Larry for the fans” they’re doing it to support the couple, not to cater to the fandom. Please stop confusing the two. There’s a huge fucking difference. Learn it.

[time-to-write-and-suffer]

I wouldn't mind that post on VNs!

So I was gonna write three different lists, but then after writing the first part I realized this is very long and takes a while to write and nobody cares anyway so I’ll just post my recommended list only. Well, I mean, you asked, but I doubt you wanted all this lol. Thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about this stuff, though. Hope you enjoy my ramblings!

An explanation for what this list is: Sometimes I know a game isn't perfect in many aspects but I still had a genuinely good time playing it, hence why I'm recommending it. Also I should mention that I could talk for hours about some of these games so if anyone’s curious about more of my thoughts, let me know.

Alright, now that that's out of the way ...

How to Take Off Your Mask / How to Fool a Liar King / How to Sing to Open Your Heart (f/m): This is a trilogy of smaller, single-RO games where you can take one of two routes depending on how you act, and they’re all interconnected where you get to meet and interact with the previous games’ characters in the sequel games. I went into this expecting very little but what I got blew me away with how funny, charming and cute the games were. They don’t take themselves too seriously, at one point an angsty male character monologues deeply about some shit, and another one just slides into frame and starts mocking him. It was so fucking funny, holy shit. Also, a central theme is literally racism against catgirls? Which is monumentally stupid, and probably the games’ main flaw, especially in the final game where it pairs up a catgirl with a catgirl racist, but that one still ends with a literal bisexual queen literally making a man her malewife because she fell in love with his cooking, so like ... It speaks for itself. My favorite game of the three is the second one, where you get to play a punchy fake catgirl and romance a pink-haired prince. And honestly, all the female protags in these games are lovely and a breath of fresh air, and the male characters are fun and not abusive assholes either. There’s full Japanese voice acting, and two out of three female protags are literal catgirls who pepper in “nya” and “mya” into their dialogue, and it’s just treated as a quirk of their catgirl race. I AM NOT KIDDING. Yet somehow it never comes off as cringe, because it doesn’t take it self too seriously. These games are just cozy. That’s the only way I can describe them. Cozy and hilarious. Play them yesterday. Dream Daddy (m/m): Man tumblr did this game dirty. This is just a cute, wholesome daddy dating simulator with gorgeous art. Coming out on Top (m/m): So you know Dream Daddy? What if it was EXTREMELY, MAJORLY NSFW? Though I realize how bad the comparison really is, the only thing these games have in common is that they’re gay dating sims and don’t have an anime art style and oh, yeah, they’re both really well-written. Or at least, extremely funny. COOT (heh) is DDADDS’ horny older cousin, and I first encountered the game on a lesbian letsplayer’s YouTube channel. Yes I watched a lesbian play a gay porn game and it was GOOD. I was there for the cringe and fun and got surprised by how genuinely funny and sometimes actually touching the game was. I can’t give it my universal endorsement because it’s not a game for everyone, as I said, it’s extremely NSFW and the menu theme literally includes the singers screaming “SEX SEX” at the top of their lungs. There’s more to this game than the porn, but there’s just so much porn. It can be censored in the settings but it’s unavoidable. However, I still think it’s worth a look just because of how funny it is and how charming the characters are. If you don’t want to play it yourself, at least watch Anima’s playthrough of it. It hasn’t aged super well in some spots but I still go back to it every now and then. Akash: Path of the Five (f/m): This game markets itself as a more “professionally produced” western dating sim, and that’s accurate in some superficial aspects. The game is pretty poorly written, but it’s absolutely gorgeous and has really good English voice acting by actual professional voice actors. The premise is quite self-indulgent, but I genuinely respect that about it. You play as the only female elemental in a village with only men, and all five of your classmates want a piece of you. It’s clear the writers have put some thought into the lore and worldbuilding of this world, but barely any of it comes through in the actual writing and plot, which is basically just a vehicle for you to get together with your boy of choice. The ROs aren’t very well-developed either, and the plot is the same in every route with only minor variations depending on which guy you pick, up to the point where the protag has the same voice lines in some parts regardless of which guy she’s talking about. It also has one extra half-route that’s so bad and pointless I genuinely wonder why they wasted resources on making it instead of spending a bit more on the writing/adding some variations to the main plot. So why am I recommending this game? Well, it’s pretty, and it sounds nice. This game is a himbo, gorgeous but dumb as rocks. Enjoy it for what it is. I know I did. Get it when it’s on sale, I think if I hadn’t gotten it at half-price I would’ve felt a bit more cranky about it. Also Rocco is bae. Mystic Destinies: Serendipity of Aeons (f/m): Yes that’s the full title, no I don’t know what it means either. You may have noticed how most of the games so far I’ve enjoyed because they don’t take themselves too seriously? Well, this one does. It takes itself SO FUCKING SERIOUSLY. Like, way too seriously. It’s a little embarrassing at points because baby, you’re an urban fantasy dating sim. Calm down. But the game has gorgeous art and 3 out of 5 routes are very good. The last route, the one with your teacher, is both the most problematic yet somehow the one that breaks down the very concept of a dating sim within its own narrative (yes, this shit gets fucking META) and it got so wild at the end that 1) I still listen to the soundtrack for that route and 2) I still remember it to this day despite finishing it ages ago. My favorite route is Shou, he’s a sweetheart, but the mindfuck route is so buckwild that I think the game is worth playing just for that. There’s also a route that’s like a neo-noir mystery? I Do Not Know. This game is many, many things and it does them so sincerely and tries so hard, you can’t help but respect it. It doesn’t always stick the landing but man, just let this thing take your hand and wax poetic at you for a bit. Also get this one at a sale because it’s very expensive to get the full version. I got it for 9 bucks on itch.io and I felt that was a fair enough price, I’d say I wouldn’t have minded paying more for it because there’s a lot of content to enjoy and/or be baffled by. Arcade Spirits: This one’s a bit more weird from what I recall, and I honestly couldn’t tell you much about it, but I remember having a very good time with it and recommending it to a friend when she was going through some tough times and she said it made her feel better. I remember it making me feel better, as well. This is a VN about an arcade and the ROs are wonderfully diverse, with very real human conflicts that get explored in each of their routes. It can get quite existential and heavy at times, but in the end it’s a kindhearted game that I think everyone can enjoy. The main character was also, how you say, mood. It’s a game about getting possessed by a video game and then learning self-love. Ebon Light (f/m): This one’s free/name your own price on itch.io so go play it. It’s a weird plot where you play as a girl who ate an elven relic? And then the elves kidnap you because you’re the relic now. All the ROs are extremely pasty (like, literally white, as in literally the color white) dark-haired elves, except for one, who’s an extremely pasty blond elf, so ... diversity? I honestly don’t know what this game is aside from unique. I used to be a bit put off by the art style but now I think it contributes to the general atmosphere. It’s a weird game that technically doesn’t do anything groundbreaking but still left an impression of “huh. weird” in my mind and I think more people should play it. The ROs are all pretty generic dating sim archetypes but done well, with bonus points to Duliae who’s just a massive creep and I love him, and also Vadeyn who’s the only bitch in this house I respect. The worldbuilding is honestly a bit buckwild and I can’t give enough credit for how unique the elves’ culture is in this game. Definitely give it a go. Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds / Hakuoki: Edo Blossoms (f/m): These two are newer releases of an older Japanese visual novel. I wouldn’t call it a dating sim, it’s ... it’s more of a super depressing historical fantasy epic with some minor romance aspects awkwardly wedged in. It’s seriously some of the heaviest and most grimdark shit I’ve ever played in a VN/otome. I don’t understand why it’s a dating sim, it doesn’t read like one, it’s just historical fantasy based on real world events with characters based on real people, and they kill and they die and they grieve and they suffer. The games are literally about the downfall of the Shinsengumi, there’s no way of avoiding everything going to shit and you get to watch and be in the middle of it all as they struggle to stay alive and relevant in a world that doesn’t need them anymore. And there’s the protag in the middle of it all, being useless and submissive and bland just the way the usual otome protag is. I don’t think these games are necessarily fun, and the romance is certainly a lot more downplayed and deeply problematic just based on the age differences alone with some of the men, but the sheer amount of horror and sadness in these games make them stand out above its peers. It’s like watching a war movie. Since most of the characters are based on real people, they feel like real people instead of the usual otome archetypes, and they are so, SO flawed, it’s interesting to just watch them deal with the shit the world throws at them. It’s an Experience, and if you’re up for it, I think it’s worth the time. Cinderella Phenomenon (f/m): This game is free on Steam so go get it. You play as a really, genuinely shitty princess who gets cursed to be poor and forgotten and she has to help one of the ROs break his fairy tale curse so that she can learn about being a good person herself and return to her normal life. This game doesn’t look like much, but it has a genuinely well-written main character who’s actually at the center of each of the stories and in the overarching plot instead of just being around to make eyes at the real protagonists, aka the love interests. Aside from the main character, my favorite part of this game’s writing is how each route slowly but very smoothly expands upon the overarching intrigue. If you play them in a certain order, you get more and more info revealed to you that you didn’t see in other routes, gaps are filled in as you find out more about what actually happened and why, but every route also stands on its own as a full experience and none is more canon than the rest. There’s also some really heavy emotional parental abuse explored, which I found quite potent at times. The romances themselves were alright, I think Karma and Waltz were my faves.

[sketchy-saram]

Hey everyone! I realize Pride Month just ended, but I wanted to talk about Asexuality for a minute, so I hope you'll indulge me since I have no idea what day it is normally and missed the obvious chance xD 

So my discovery that I was Ace happened when I was in Korea circa 2016, although I'd heard of it a few years before, from the Girls with Slingshots web comic! Both of these things occurred long after I was already an adult, however, and its existence is something I sorely wish I'd known about as a teenager. Hence, I'd really like to spread information about Asexuality to those who might not know anything, so you can be more comfortable with the idea, more informed, and perhaps pass that information to others around you who might be confused and questioning themselves! Pass it on, save a life! (Or at least a LOT of heartache and confusion!) If you already know stuff, great! You’re awesome! <3

So what IS Asexuality? Is it like, budding? Haha, funny joke. (Not really.) Asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction to anyone. It is an umbrella term for a lot of different classifications of Aces, but that's the basics. Allosexuals would be what is considered 'normal'--people who do experience sexual attraction. And yes, this is completely different from ROMANTIC attraction! But we'll get to that a bit later!

Why are Asexuals considered part of the LGBTQIA+ rainbow? Well, it's right there in the letters! The A never stood for ally--it always meant Asexual. We've been there since the very beginning! The Queer community envelopes all people whose gender and sexual identities fall outside the norm--so when our society, and humanity as a whole, so idealizes sex and sexual relations, I think not feeling those urges more than qualifies us! And if that weren't enough, Asexuals experience plenty of stigma and harassment--even gatekeeping from within the community, which is extremely unfortunate. In fact, in online social spaces, ESPECIALLY tumblr, Asexuality went through a major witchhunt about 5 years ago, where the waves of anti-Ace rhetoric were so bad that they basically eradicated the community and forced aces back into the closet. Things are better now, but the ramifications are still sorely felt. Aces also have a much higher chance of unstable relationships, as sex and the desire to have sex plays such a large role in romantic relationships. If you are allosexual, imagine being in a relationship where your partner never wants to have sex, and trying to understand that that doesn't reflect at all on you or how much they love you. It's hard, right? I'm not saying that Ace/Allo relationships can't happen, but it takes a LOT of work and communication!! (Uhm, and also plenty of allo people just have a low libido, so please remember not to be forcing your partners into unwanted sexual activities!!)

So let's talk more about the specific wording. 'Sexual attraction'. Simply put, that is the feeling when you look at someone, and you KNOW that you want to have sexual relations with them. Your body has reactions that might let you know this, like an erection, and you could imagine yourself doing those things. Aces aren't like that! We don't have those urges. I could go the rest of my life happily not having sex--and I've never looked at someone and wanted to do that. Now, like I said, there are quite a few umbrella versions, but that is the general description. Important things to note however: Asexual people CAN CHOOSE to have sex! If you're an Allo who has ever done it with someone you weren't exactly turned on by, then you can understand what I'm talking about. Some Aces can even ENJOY the act of sex! The two aren't necessarily related--remember, we're just talking about lacking the basic spark of sexual attraction. On the flip side, some Aces are so sex repulsed that the very idea makes them sick. If you know an Ace person, you should ask their opinion on sex before you talk about it with them--it might make them EXTREMELY uncomfortable! On that note, plenty of Asexual people are in the kink community, and enjoy BDSM. How can that be, you might ask? Well, for one, read above again about Aces and Sexual relations. But also, if you aren't in those communities, you may not realize just how much power plays into that. Some people enjoy the power play more than the sex!! So if your knee-jerk reaction to finding out someone is Ace and has sex is to think they are 'faking it', please...don't. You can't know what a person's internal workings are like.

So, why would an Asexual person want a relationship? How would that even work, anyway? Isn't it just like being friends? Well I'm glad you asked! Remember earlier when I said that Asexuality is only about the lack of SEXUAL attraction? ROMANTIC attraction has its own categories! Aromantics are people who aren't ROMANTICALLY attracted to other people. I won't get into that here, but suffice it to say that Aces can be as romantic and loving as anyone else, and many want a happy relationship! As for being like friends--imagine your partner or spouse. If you suddenly couldn't have sex with them, would it feel like the two of you were 'just friends'? No, of course not! Romantic attachment forms bonds that are completely different from platonic friendship. Lack of sex isn't the only thing that keeps your friendships from being 'romantic relationships', and if it is, you, uh...might want to reevaluate some things!!

A few other common items I want to mention before I bring this quick Ace 101 course to a close: Is being Ace just like being celibate? Not at all! Choosing to remain celibate is just that--a CHOICE. Someone who is celibate still has all their natural sexual attraction, they are just choosing not to act on those feelings for whatever reason. Aces don't have those urges, or that natural sexual attraction! 

Can you become Asexual through trauma or other reasons? The long and the short answer is: Yes. One of the great things about the LGBTQIA+ community is that you should be free to come and go as you discover more about your own truth. That is also why gatekeeping is so dangerous--you shouldn't have to 'register' as Gay or Ace or Trans, or present as those things in a way that suits other people. If you, in your heart, find that one of these labels suits you, then that is what you are for now! Gender and sexuality are a journey most people aren't encouraged to discover until they're older. If you realize you are Ace at 70, you are just as valid as someone who found out earlier, or someone who underwent severe trauma and now no longer feels sexual attraction. If YOU are comfortable with where you're at, that's the only thing that matters! But if it is something that causes you distress, then please look into it. Sometimes lack of sexual attraction IS caused by physical or psychological factors that can be reversed. (Although again, more often than not it simply causes lack of libido, not necessarily lack of attraction.)

Last but not least...what's the thing with the cake? Haha! Good question! When Aces were beginning to find one another and set up their own communities, several inside jokes began to emerge. Imagery of ace playing cards, dragons, 'space ace', and of course cake, sprang up as quirky ways to reference that. The idea being that you would rather have cake than sex!!

I really hope I didn't miss anything obvious, but I'm just writing this on the fly because realizing my Asexuality was such a huge stepping-stone on my path to being more comfortable with myself, and understanding myself as a whole. I spent my teenage years terrified of and yearning for a relationship--the reason being, of course, that in my mind, dating and sex went hand in hand, and I wanted the one but was terrified of the other. So many people take sexual attraction for granted, without realizing how alienating that can be for people who DON'T feel that attraction. It's pervasive!! It's everywhere! And then to be treated as though that expectation isn't as all-encompassing as it is, or that it actually doesn't exist at all, is cultural gaslighting. 

Anyway! I hope everyone had a wonderful pride month. <3 Hope to see you for the next one! Have an awesome July as well, what the heck! And if you have any questions about Asexuality, my messages are always open. I aim to inform. (And feel free to share this if you want!! Knowledge is power, but making things that seem awkward to talk about less taboo is ALSO power!)

[barbasbodaciousbeard]

If You Love Someone, Let Them Go: Part 8

Summary: Since starting with SVU, Sonny hadn’t kept much terribly close to the chest. The squad knew about his family, growing up on Staten Island, the classes at Fordam. What was hidden was why he didn’t date. Sonny Carisi was also separated from his childhood sweetheart, a separation neither ever took to divorce. They had the same haunts. They’d grown up neighbors. Their paths crossed every few months, and divorce talks would turn into reminiscing would turn into a night spent together, sometimes sex sometimes just talking until the early morning. It always ended with one of them waking up alone however. How will that change when the squad finds out?

Pairings: Sonny Carisi x Original Character

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7

A/N: I really wanted to write Sonny and conflict with his family in Transgender Bridge so this chapter includes transphobia via his mom and then talk about past homo- and transphobia in Sonny. I think Sonny’s acceptance of things is really interesting, especially given he seems like he’s from a traditional/conservative family. 

June  2015

“Hey, doll. Can we wait and do dinner? I know it’s an anniversary dinner, but this was a bad one.” She didn’t like how his voice sounded. He’d been keeping her in the loop, and there’d been a spirited, to say the least, discussion at the Carisi family dinner that Sunday. His mom had fought him regarding Avery, a transgender teenager, over the phone. The case had been everywhere it felt like, and the traditional Carisis felt that Avery wanted attention. Sonny, for his part, was confused, but between Amanda and Victoria’s reminders he didn’t know a single guy who would wear a dress for no reason, he’d come to realize it wasn’t a choice, just like being gay, straight, or bi.

It was hard for him sometimes. Despite the fact Victoria had always been open and accepting, a result of her mother’s influence and LGBT family members, Sonny was raised that all of it was wrong in the eyes of God. That said, as he grew, he saw how much harder it was for Victoria’s aunts. It started to dawn on him that he didn’t choose to want to be in his body or be attracted to women. Why would he assume someone woke up and chose something that didn’t make their lives easier? He also came to believe that God did make them exactly as they were, and human influence had bastardized the love everyone part of His message. When he stood up to his mother, Victoria was pleased to see the growth in him; usually, he’d have let it lie. 

“Of course it can wait. What happened?”

“She died,” he said, voice tight. “The boy that pushed her is being tried as an adult, but Tor, her parents don’t want it. He’s just a kid. He even drew her this comic apologizing. He got scared because she was different.”

She knew what he wasn’t saying. As good as Sonny was, as much as he’d grown, they’d both been easily influenced at one point. When they grew up, it was easy to get swept into easy homophobia and transphobia. Sonny had said things she knew he regretted as he learned more, and they both knew how easy it would’ve been for him to get swept up in the crowd at that age, trying to prove he was tough and manly and straight.

“How about I pick up the pizza ya like? We can stay in? I’ll tell ma I don’t feel good. I don’t think that visit is what you need right now.”

“Thank you.” They said their I love yous, and she quickly scheduled pick up for the pizza and tucked his favorite treats from the cooler into a box. When she got home, she straightened up the apartment and threw his favorite pajamas in the dryer so they’d be warm when he got home. One pizza and beer run later, Sonny came through the door, and he was visibly exhausted. She pressed a kiss to his cheek, taking his coat. 

“You pajamas are in the dryer.” He let out a grateful groan, changing into them before coming back and dropping onto the couch, arms out over the back. She sat beside him, handing him a beer and opting to sit in silence as he nursed it. Her Sonny was a big softy, but she also knew he’d talk about things when he was ready; that was a change she could rely on. He wrapped his arm around her, caging her against his chest as he laid back. His eyes were closed, but his brow was heavy and his mouth set in a frown. Carefully, she smoothed his hair, and he pressed into her hand. 

“Thank you,” he said, his voice barely audible. 

“Any time. Thank you for telling me what you needed.” He nodded, rubbing her back. 

“I saw a pink box.”

“It’s an assortment. I got all your favorites. And the pizzas.”

“I love you so fucking much.”

“I’ll call ma tomorrow to get us out of going there. It’s just you and me all weekend, okay?” 

He nodded gently, cheek pressed against her forehead. This case didn’t sit well, and in this moment he was deeply grateful not to be the ADA for this case. He understood logically where they were coming from, but he was also acutely aware of how little Avery’s parents agreed with trying Darius as an adult. Their daughter believed in forgiveness, and he was a kid. His colleagues liked to pretend they’d always been the cops they are now, but Sonny remembered being sheltered and ignorant. If Victoria hadn’t been there to tear him a new asshole when he was 13 and started using slurs he didn’t fully understand, he could have gotten swept up in this type of accident. Lord knew his mother didn’t think this case was anything but bad luck for the boy. She thought Avery had finally gotten the attention she wanted. That had set him off at dinner, and he swore Mia was proud of him, sitting by Victoria as he defended where this may have been coming from.

Sonny, God made him a him. He doesn’t make mistakes.

Or, ma, maybe all those things you like to call trials? Maybe transitioning and dealing with this kind of ignorance is a part of her trial. No teenage boy would wear a dress if it weren’t real. Avery is a girl, and if you can remember Aunt Rhonda’s new name every year when she gets married again, you can at least call Avery she.

I’m just saying, any of my grandkids pull that, we’ll be taking them somewhere. That’s attention seeking behavior, and needs to be taken care of.

If Victoria and I’s child ever comes out and you are anything but supportive, you will not be a part of their life.

You can’t do that. I’m your mother.

I don’t know ma. Making your own blood feel less than? Sounds like real attention seekin’ behavior to me. Needs to be taken care of.

He let Victoria guide him to the car afterwards, but he hadn’t cancelled the next family dinner. Knowing Avery had died? He couldn’t do it. Meeting her had taken a logical belief that trans people were the gender they identified as and made it more serious. He’d known his mother felt that way, but he’d never heard her articulate it like this. Before the separation and therapy, he’d have bottled up how wrong she was, tucked it away to keep the peace. Now? He couldn’t do it.

“Thank you, Tor. For all of this. And for calling her. I’m still so angry.”

“I know, Dom. I love you.”

“I love you too. And I meant what I told her. If our kid is gay or trans or something else that exists that I’m sure I don’t know about, I don’t care. They’re our baby and I’ll love them and I’ll take them to whatever store to get whatever they need or whatever doctor. I’ll beat the ever living shit out of anyone who makes them feel like they're wrong for how God made them.”

“You’re going to be an amazing father.”

“That should be the bare minimum though, shouldn’t it? Loving your kids no matter what?”

“It should. But that can be hard, you know? Like your mom. She exists in that really conservative vacuum. I’m proud of you for changing when you learn about things, not ignoring it and doubling down.”

“That means a lot, doll. People act like I’m supposed to have been born knowing. Our priest was open minded, and I met you. Otherwise, I may not have turned out like this. And that was scary to realize?”

“Bella, Theresa, and Gina all did it too. You’d all have grown.”

“What if our kid is gay or somethin?”

“We’ll love them. If your mom can’t handle it, we’ll keep them from her.”

“You mean it?”

“Yeah. we’ll get close to my family or something. Or have holidays with Amanda and Liv.”

“Good,” he murmured. “I wouldn’t want to, but I won’t subject them to their grandma actin’ like that. The world is so shitty. I want family to be supportive.”

“I know. We’ll be okay. And who knows? Maybe you snapping makes her reevaluate. I had to yell at you to make you start reevaluating things. We didn’t talk for awhile month. That’s years in thirteen year old time.”

“True,” he chuckled, rubbing her back. “One can only hope. You’d have liked Avery. Into photography and comics.”

“She sounds awful cool.”

“She was. And she was so kind. Like she was hurt, but the last thing she did was forgive him, Tor. Can you imagine? He drew her a comic, and she forgave him. Then she died.” He was facing the ceiling with his eyes closed as he talked. 

“Do you want me to be there?”

“Maybe come by at lunch?”

“I’ll be there, okay?”

“Thank you, Doll.”

“Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling.” 

@cycat4077 @fear-less-write-more

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Soooooooo... because I’ve completely lost my mind: “Light and L in Hogwarts during the year that Harry Potter was” AU ideas (and I know a lot of people have already written them into Hogwarts, so I’m probably just unknowingly copying people’s ideas. But shh).

Light is a Gryffindor and L is a Slytherin (same year). Really, Light should also be a Slytherin, of course. But this helps them to be rivals better. He probably asked the Sorting Hat to put him in Gryffindor--ala Harry--and the Sorting Hat took his choice into consideration.

And they are rivals. Because like in canon, they’re very much the same and Foils to each other. They both definitely become prefects and Head Boy of their year (sorry, Ron. I guess I’m stealing prefect from you for this AU. I’m so sorry, baby!). And everyone is constantly comparing the two, so they hate each other at first. They’re also both on their respective Quidditch teams, because of course they’d be. I’m imagining they’re Beaters, because “he who attacks first, wins”, and since Harry’s still got to be Gryffindor Seeker.

And getting the obvious out of the way: L loves Honeydukes, of course.

But I imagine the reason these two start to become friends is this: Light realizes there’s something wrong with Snape jumps down Harry’s throat on his first day. Like, he reads fear and humiliation on Harry’s face or something--or knows that even the most basic wizard should have known the answers Snape was asking about--he questions him about it... To which Harry admits that he didn’t even know he was a wizard--or about the wizarding world--until a few days ago. Though I doubt Harry would be this open about it to a stranger, but shh. And this ticks Light off--to know that Harry’s aunt and uncle treated him so dirty, and that Professor Snape just made this poor, defenseless kid look like an idiot--and he plans to go to Snape about it. But anyway, L had secretly been listening this whole time--but hiding like a cat--and he makes his appearance known now. He’d come to the same conclusions and also wants to help Harry out, because he’s “justice” too, after all. And it’s here that Light and L develop a grudging respect for each other. And they probably do go to Snape. But Snape being Snape doesn’t listen to them, and he takes points from both Gryffindor and Slytherin for their “insolence”... At which point, they might decide to make Snape’s life a living Hell, and thus a friendship begins.

The two of them totally become aurors when they graduate, and enjoy seeing Harry and Ron at work.

Light and L may think that Ron isn’t the smartest wizard in the world--and somewhat un-deserving to hang out with Harry and Hermione--at first, but their opinion of him changes pretty quickly. And even when they did think this of him, they didn’t dislike Ron. They liked the dude pretty well, since Ron’s pretty sociable, but just didn’t think he would ever be a rival to them. Let’s put it that way. But when they learn about all that Ron does in his, Harry, and Hermione’s adventures, they give him mass respect.

Light and L are the biggest supporters of Neville Longbottom that you’ll ever see, as they both saw his potential and realized pretty soon that it was abuse keeping him from unlocking his full potential. 

Light and L are “fans” of Harry at first--though not starstruck--and then just flat-out respect the Boy Who Lived once he just becomes one of their peers. Granted, they don’t think baby Harry really did anything to earn all his fame... but you’ve still got to give it to the infant that somehow tripped up Lord Voldermort and stopped his reign of terror.

Light and Hermione... get on pretty well. I’d maybe go as far as to say they’re acquaintances. And, naturally, everyone thinks they should date: since they’re the two smartest Gryffindors and prefects. But this would never happen. They probably even laugh at the idea together. Hermione has just never had any interest in Light, for whatever reason (maybe because she had a crush on Ron pretty early on). And Light is most definitely gay.

I forgot to mention that L in this is probably a clue to the Golden Trio earlier on that Slytherins aren’t all bad.

Speaking of: L and Draco are friends (but only because Draco’s pretty much the best person he can find in Slytherin house). And this maaaaaaaaaybe convinces Draco to switch sides earlier than in canon.

As he would, Light definitely loves to use avada kedavra against evil people... Though no one really has a problem with this, because most people use that spell during a war (in fact, even our heroes in Harry Potter often don’t understand why he won’t use the killing curse). L maaaaaaaaaaybe tells Light that he thinks this is a bad thing. But it isn’t something they’re going to turn into enemies before. And L’s certainly used the spell himself in dire situations. But similarly to Death Note canon, Light thinks that all criminals should be avada kedavrad. L questions that one time, though, in asking Light, “You want them to suffer for what they’ve done, yes? So wouldn’t it be worse for them to live out their years in Azkaban? Or have their souls sucked out by the Dementors?”

But back to Light and L still being rivals... There’s one time where they’re both in the halls after curfew--probably because Light and L sometimes get roped into the Golden Trio’s adventures, or their own adventures, because they’re too smart not to be--and L leans over to Light and says, “Know that I love you,” before kissing him on the lips... He then gets on his broom, or something, and quickly flies away so he won’t get caught, but Light is and Gryffindor loses points. So the game is on.

I feel like Light and L would probably hate and dislike Dumbledore, after they realize some of the shady stuff he does. L might somewhat respect his cleverness, but ehh.

Also, Light and L are brilliant... So they never once doubt that Voldermort is back when Harry says he is. And they do, in fact, join Dumbledore’s Army and help Harry teach... Even though they probably hate the name. They also help bring it back with Neville, Luna, and Ginny, when the Golden Trio are away in year seven.

They fight in the Battle of Hogwarts, of course. And in the battle in Hogwarts at the end of book six.

L is probably the first Gryffindor to stand up to his house, like “Uhh, no. We’re not going to sacrifice Harry to Voldermort to save ourselves.” And speaking of... there’s a chance that a good portion of L’s house hates him for clearly siding with Harry over Voldermort when the war begins.

I had some ideas about Misa, but I’m sort of forgetting them now. She’s definitely a Hufflepuff... But I want to do something different with her, than most people usually do. Yes, Light is kind of annoyed by her because he thinks she thinks they’re dating or is trying to force it? (She probably does something to help him? And then Light thinks she’s insinuating he owes her. IDK?) But what if in reality, she’s ace or something and just wants a friend? And Light is just assuming the worst--and for once, being dumb--by just not talking to her? But eventually he does, and then they’re sort of cool with each other. And she then sometimes helps Light and L, because this is the happy Death Note AU (in Hogwarts), everybody.

...I feel like I had so many ideas, but now I think I’ve forgotten them all. Oops. I’ll add to this if I remember them, I guess. 

Also... there’s a good chance that Light and L figure out the Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew thing before anyone else--near instantly, when they learn about it--but I also don’t know if I want to commit to that? Because I don’t want to steal the Golden Trio’s thunder too much here? But at the same time, if I’m not going to have the Death Note characters slightly change things, what’s even the point?

Edit: The two geniuses probably do create some new spell or potion or something together. 

Edit 2: Harry and L totes bond over being orphans.

Edit 3: All the students in Hogwarts know that Light and L are gay for each other. And are constantly like, “Where’s your boyfriend at?” to their annoyance, probably because even in this universe Light and L are in denial about their feelings for each other for the longest time for some reason.

Edit 4: Light and L have the same patrous (to their annoyance. And at first, it’s not because they love each other--though maybe later it partly is--but because they’re that much alike). And it’s probably a cheetah or something.

Edit 5: Back to the whole Light and Misa thing, L actually realizes she doesn’t want to be Light’s girlfriend and is cool with her before even Light is. Since, oddly enough, it seems that Slytherin and Hufflepuff are close, and Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. Later, when Light asks how he figured it out first, L sites his deductive reasoning schools and this as the reason.

Edit 6: I just thought of how this gets dark, and how Light and L maybe turn against each other... Light being tempted to create horcruxes by using the kills he makes in self-defense. L tells him not to do it: to not be like Voldermort. And Light perhaps listens to that... or doesn’t, in being so arrogant that he thinks he won’t become a dark wizard if he’s tasted immortality. On one hand, I feel like Light wouldn’t want to rip his soul apart. But if he thought it was for the greater good--so he could continue fighting crime as an auror--then he might do it...

Edit 7: Light and L do probably resent their professors some, in thinking that they’re more capable than they are.

Edit 8: Light and Hermione might actually go on one “date” together. To “The Slub Club”, because they want to make Ron and L jealous.

[sparklingichigo]

Human World Adventures

Part 4

Previously in Part 3

Satan: Sort off, but it'll be okay. You're here now^^

Beel: What-

Ichigo: Eh?

Asmo: EH?!

Ichigo: Well, I guess that's a good thing then. At least I can help to cheer you up^^

Satan: It does, much much thank you for that

Ichigo: No pro- [feels the hold getting tighter] ?? What's wrong hon?

Beel: It's fine.

Beel: Ah, the mark is fading [sees Ichigo's hickey starts to fade]

Ichigo: Well it's been days so I guess it did fade away slowly [nervous laugh]

Satan: Mark? What mark?

Ichigo: Oh it's nothing^^ well, Beel and I are getting drinks. Let's go, hon!

Beel: Yeah, let's go^^

Satan: can you get me some pineapple juice while you're at it?

Ichigo: Sure! My treat ^^

Satan: Thanks.

Once Ichigo and Beel leave, Asmo gets in and asks him about what happened.

Asmo: What was that?!

Satan: What was what?

Asmo: Are you seriously flirting with her? Of all people?

Satan: Me? Flirting? Absolutely not.

Asmo: Don't lie to me. Since when do you even like her?

Satan: I'm not! I don't like her like that, stop assuming things, Asmodeus!

Asmo: Heh, don't pull this game on me. I can smell love or lust from far away. Sure I understand your lust heightens because of her swimsuit, it even heightens Beel's, it's probably off-charts and they're probably banging but if I see you trying to steal her from Beel I won't standstill. Beel is our precious little brother, hurting him would mean you don't truly love him.

Satan: I'm not flirting with her!

Asmo: You better not. I'm watching you, Satan. [gets out of the pool] bEstIeS!! Wait for me!! [catches up with Ichigo and Beel]

Satan of course decides to just chill at the pool until he feels a presence of a suspicious sorcerer.

Solomon: I see you've taken a liking to her as well.

Satan: I'm not! Stop assuming I did!

Solomon: Hmm I see the way you look at her. It's as if you found your only one~

Satan: Tsk. Deal with your own business, Solomon!

Meanwhile, Asmo yet again witnesses the couple. Of course, he notices Beel is acting more possessive, it was quite obvious and this man isn't being subtle either.

Ichigo: Alright, so what do you want Asmo?

Asmo: Hmm, I'll just get the strawberry smoothie

Ichigo: As always huh, choosing everything pink^^

Asmo: Yeah, what about you, lil bro?

Beel: Oh, I've chosen my drink^^ I chose Melon juice

Asmo: Ooh, nice choice! What about you, darling? What did you choose?

Ichigo: Mango, as always^^

Ichigo: Oh, can you pack the pineapple one? We're taking those away [to the cashier]

Cashier: Of course^^

Ichigo: Thanks, miss!

Cashier: No problem. Are they your lovers? [randomly]

Ichigo: Uh well... [sweat drops] This one is my gay best friend and this one is my lover- ^^

Cashier: Ooh, no wonder he chose our pink drink. Here's your strawberry smoothie, sir. Melon juice for you and your mango juice, miss^^

Ichigo: Thank you. Here's the payment, have a nice day miss^^

With their drinks, they return to the pool. Suddenly they see Satan coming out of the pool looking unusually good. Ichigo blanks a bit because well damn, it's been a while since she gets such a view after Beel.

Beel: Sugar?

Ichigo: Y-yeah? ^^

Beel: You okay?

Ichigo: Absolutely! Hey Satan, here's your drink!!

Satan: Oh thanks, finally some good old pineapple juice!

Behind them, Asmo rolls his eyes in annoyance and so did Beel.

Asmo: Are you gonna do something against this?

Beel: Probably not anytime soon.

Asmo: Oh? You're unusually quiet today. Not that I'm surprised.

Beel: No one plans a murder out loud, Asmo.

Asmo: You're not killing him right?

Beel: Not literally at least.

Now back to Satan and Ichigo. The two end up talking about things. Satan told her that he succeeds in moving on which is good.

Ichigo: Well that's great then! You've finally moved on and things are going well for you, right?

Satan: It is. I probably have found my one.

Ichigo: Oh? After all this time you've finally found someone? That's great!

Satan: Yeah, I somehow find someone I truly love but unfortunately they're taken :(

Ichigo: Oh no...that's too bad :((

Satan: Yeah, it was unfortunate

Suddenly Ichigo feels Beel carrying her up causing her to squeal in shock.

Ichigo: Hon? What's wrong? Oh my goodness! My drink!

Asmo: I got you bestie- [holding her drink for her]

Ichigo: Thanks Asmo... But...Honey, where are we going?!

Beel: Somewhere.

Ichigo: Somewhere....? Oh my God! Beel no!! Can't we just wait for marriage before that!!

Beel: Oh not to worry, we're not doing that. I'm just getting you away from him.

Ichigo: What's wrong with him...?

Beel: He's suspicious.

Ichigo: Suspicious.... [glances at Satan confusedly] Is he one of the people you can't trust being around me?

Beel: Yeah, unfortunately not [finally lets Ichigo down on their bench]

Ichigo: Is it because I'm being nice to everyone?

Beel: I don't mind you being nice to everyone because you're always kind. It's just that, you need to remember that we're pure demons and sometimes... our desires can get ahead of us.

Ichigo: I see...

Beel: Being this kind and being this cute, no wonder many people want to steal you away from me [caresses her cheek]

Ichigo: You know I won't acknowledge them right? You know I only truly love you, right?

Beel: I know, but I doubt they'd give up, considering the third one happens to be Satan and he has an ace card against me.

Ichigo: Ace card?

Beel: Lucifer. He has Lucifer on his side.

Ichigo: Why would Lucifer be on his side? He knows we've been dating for almost 1 year and I'm sure he understands that Satan shouldn't steal me away from you.

Beel: I hope for that too.

Mammon: Hey you two! We're done with swimming, aren't you gonna change?

Ichigo: Oh? We're done?

Mammon: Yeah, we've been here for hours and it's almost lunch. Hurry up and change!

Ichigo: Got it!

So Ichigo changes out into her casual clothes and so did the others. Haruka of course is still confused as to why Satan is keeping a distance besides being always near her 90% of the time, now he's keeping a distance?

Haruka: Hey, Ichigo, do you have any idea why Satan keeps a distance from me?

Ichigo: I don't know. He did tell me he finally moved on though. You know how he gets when he dislikes someone or you're not that close to him.

Haruka: Ah back to Mr. ice prince huh? He's unusually friendly with you though.

Ichigo: Well, I think it's because we're friends^^

Haruka: That makes more sense. Did you bring your things? You're staying here tonight right?

Ichigo: Yeah, well I only brought pajamas dan more clothing, even toiletries. Other than that I don't see a reason I should bring one.

Haruka: True. Oh well, let's get lunch! [currently holding hands with Simeon]

Ichigo: You two seem to be happier than ever^^

Haruka: We are! He does make me happy

Simeon: Well, I'm sure you're happy with Beel as well^^

Ichigo: I am actually- [feels someone hold her from behind]

Simeon: Oh Beel! Didn't see you there^^

Ichigo: Aww hello honey^^ [pats Beel's head who's leaning on her shoulder] He's unusually clingy today, don't mind him^^

Simeon: considering your situation, I understand.

Beel: You notice as well?

Simeon: I do. Satan seems to change his target to her. I'm not sure how it happens but it just happened. I hope we're just seeing things.

Beel: I hope so too.

Suddenly they hear Michael and Lucifer calling for them.

Michael: Simeon! Come on, let's go!!

Simeon: Coming!!

Lucifer: Beel, everyone is already going! Let's go!

Beel: Right behind you! Let's go, Sugar^^

Ichigo: Yeah, let's go~

Finally, everyone has gathered to get their food. Throughout the ride, Ichigo is now in the most confusing situation in her whole life. Haruka is of course in the other car with the angels and some of the other brothers who can't fit. It was unfortunate for them to get separated but that's not why she's confused, it's because she's now between Satan and Beel.

Of course, Satan is busy with his e-book while Beel eats some kind of candy or gum to calm his hunger down. This leaves Ichigo in an awkward situation because she feels horrible tension. I'm sure you're wondering how this happens, don't you?

Diavolo: Well we have two cars because there are lots of us^^

Haruka: Wow! A van! Awesome! But how do we seat? Is there an arrangement for it?

Diavolo: I don't think there's an arrangement at least. Let's just divide the group into two. Eight people per car. Who's coming with me?

Barbatos: Of course, it goes without saying. I'll be by your side, M'lord.

Diavolo: Well we need six more.

Simeon: We'll go then. Haruka and I. Luke too!

Mammon: I'll go in your car then, Lord Diavolo!

Diavolo: We need two more, anyone else? ^^

Michael: Rosaria and Me ^^

Diavolo: Well, this leaves the others to be in Lucifer's van.

Lucifer: Hope you guys don't create chaos inside the car. I'm watching you. Especially you, Asmodeus.

Asmo: Me? Why me?

Lucifer: Who knows what you'd do in that car with Solomon. But oh well, everyone let's get in. Mammon, behave

Mammon: Of course, I will!

Now here we are back to Ichigo's awkward situation. She can feel the tension between Beel and Satan the moment she sat beside Beel then Satan joins in beside her.

Asmo: Oh wow, I feel so bad for Ichigo...

Solomon: Same... I'd never survived such an awkward situation like that.

Levi: Hey, Ichigo! Wanna borrow my switch? You seem really bored.

Ichigo: You're okay with that?

Levi: Yeah, I have my phone to game. Here^^

Ichigo: Aww thanks a lot, Levi^^

Now let's see how everything goes down in Diavolo's car. Since 90% of the members there are angels, it's all peaceful. Of course, Haruka is leaning peacefully to Simeon's shoulder as Simeon looks at the scenery.

Michael: So Diavolo, where are we going exactly?

Diavolo: Oh I'm actually thinking of going Japanese this time. What do you think of Sushi?

Michael: Ah sushi, what a coincidence! My wife loves them a lot^^

Haruka: Wait, we're getting sushi?!

Barbatos: We are^^ It's M'lord's decision to treat us sushi.

Haruka: Ooh! I love sushi!

Luke: Sushi...raw fish?

Simeon: What's wrong, Luke?

Luke: I don't know... I....just don't like it much

Rosaria: Aww not to worry, dear^^ There are sushis that are fried and some of the fish are cooked.

Luke: Ooh fried sushi sounds nice!

Haruka: They are! Especially the mentai one! Oh my God, I'm hungry now~ Simeooon what do we do~

Simeon: Just be patient okay. [pats Haruka] We're getting there soon, right?

Diavolo: We are^^ Probably around 15 minutes based on the GPS Barb set up for me

Haruka: Yay! it's been a while since I ate sushi!

Simeon: Well, today's your lucky day, little lamb^^

The same thing happens in Lucifer's car, everyone is asking where they're going to eat, considering they're following Diavolo's car.

Lucifer: Diavolo told me that he's going Japanese today, he didn't specify which food we're going for though.

Belphie: Sushi perhaps?

Asmo: Sushi? Ooh, you're quite lucky today, Belphie!

Belphie: Heh, it's been a while since I ate them despite it being my favorite food.

Ichigo: That's great then! You get to eat your favorite food

Satan: Sushi huh, quite a unique choice.

Ichigo: It's a common food in the human world. I'm sure Beel knows more since he has lots and lots of taste trips~

Beel: I do, I'm just not fond of it...

Ichigo: Oh, why so?

Beel: It's just not my taste but I'm fine with it^^

Belphie: It's actually good though. If you dislike raw fish you can get the cooked ones.

Beel: Oh yeah, I've tasted those as well. They do taste better.

Ichigo: Hey, Solomon, you're unusually quiet today~

Asmo: Sssh, he's asleep [laughs slightly]

Ichigo: Oooh, whoops- [tones down her voice]

Minutes later, they finally arrived at the sushi restaurant. Diavolo luckily already reserve the table for them so they don't need to wait in line.

Waitress: This way, sir

The waitress leads them to a VIP table with an awesome view. Everyone is impressed with the awesome view and enjoys the cool summer breeze coming from the open view.

Haruka: That is such a beautiful view!

Barbatos: M'lord does have a good taste in picking places.

Diavolo: Oh, Barb, you're just exaggerating!

Barbatos: Of course not, it was genuine.

Despite the place and the awesome view, Lucifer is now concern about Diavolo's wallet considering Beel is here and he has a big portion in eating but Diavolo, as if reading his mind calms him down.

Diavolo: It's okay, I can pay. I promise to treat you guys food so here we are^^

Lucifer: Are you sure, Diavolo?

Diavolo: Certainly, just choose what you like, I'm fine with anything.

Barbatos: Are you sure, M'lord?

Diavolo: Of course! Just choose what you like.

With that everyone chooses their sushi. Of course Haruka and Ichigo both discuss and they end up with Mentai sushi and lots and lots of other sushis. Of course, they also need to order the cooked sushi because Beel and Luke isn't that fond of raw fish.

Haruka: The tempura sushi looks good!

Luke: I think so too! Can we get that, Simeon?

Simeon: Of course, Luke!

Ichigo: Oh yeah, what about drinks?

Haruka: Perhaps settling with ocha? Since it's a sushi restaurant.

Luke: I'll settle with water...

Simeon: That's okay, Luke^^ You can have that.

With that everyone finally places their orders to the waitress. After a few minutes, the food finally arrived. There are lots of sushi but there's a catch, a certain stupid demon never learned his lesson.

Satan: What kind of crazy idea is this?

Mammon: What?

Levi: Are you seriously sipping milkshake....?

Haruka: [sigh] He'll never learn

Lucifer: Indeed.

Mammon: It's good, okay!!

Beel: I don't think that's wise....

Ichigo: Yeah... you're gonna puke again. Be careful.

Now that's not why we're here, we're here for some good ol romance. Haruka is trying to lovey-dovey with Simeon. She offers to feed Simeon but the angel rejects her.

Simeon: There's a lot of people though

Haruka: Ah...

Simeon: I'll feed you instead!

Haruka: O-oh! Okay!

Rosaria: Ah, young love~

Michael: Do you want me to do that as well?

Rosaria: Oh no no, it's fine. We're too old for this.

Michael: But I want to-

Rosaria: Just once^^

The others notice how sweet the two couples there. The singles are feeling more lonely.

Mammon: Man.... when am I gonna get a lover...

Levi: I have ruri... real people sucks.

Satan: Same, there are fictional girls from a book anyways-

Beel internally: Then why go for Ichigo??

Belphie: [chewing his sushi] ????

Ichigo: Here! The tempura sushi you ordered!

Beel: Yay! We finally got our sushi, Luke!

Luke: Finally;-; I almost finished my water.

Simeon: Don't worry, you brought your water bottle right?

Luke: Oh yeah!

Overall everyone is enjoying themselves during lunch until Ichigo feels someone staring at her. Ichigo looks back and sees Satan staring at her. Solomon and Asmo luckily come to rescue and just shields Ichigo away from him.

Solomon: Just focus on your sushi, don't mind him [turns Ichigo's head to the food]

Beel also notices this and sees what's happening. Asmo just gives him an "X" telling him not to do anything reckless. Lucky for him, Beel notices the code and decides to chew on more sushi. Ichigo really feels the tension, luckily Haruka helps her and ask for the waiter to come with a bell. Everyone's attention is back at Haruka who's ordering some sashimi for dessert.

Levi: You're ordering another one?

Haruka: Yeah^^

Mammon: I didn't notice we got a bell here-

Lucifer: That red button beside you

Mammon: Oh :o

Everyone: Mammon no!!

Too late everyone, Mammon presses the button to try it. Lucifer sigh as the waitress comes up to Mammon, asking what he needs.

Mammon: Uh... Can I see the menu?

Waitress: Of course, here you go^^

Mammon reads the menu and he seems to be too full so he ask the others if they want anything.

Beel: Are there any desserts?

Haruka: There's mochi and ice cream, which one do you want?

Beel:...

Mammon: Betting 50 Grimm for both.

Ichigo: 20 Grimm for him choosing one of them.

Lucifer: Can you not do bets in the middle of the table?!

The two of them quiet down until Satan decides to stupidly join in.

Satan: How about 30 Grimm that he chose both but with more portion.

Ichigo: That's oddly specific-

Beel: I'll take ice cream, sugar, do you want anything?

Ichigo: too full... no thanks

Beel: Well, get me one strawberry ice cream then^^

Mammon: Dang it-

Ichigo: Come on, you two~ 20 grimm~

The twins, yes Lucifer and Michael both facepalm at this. Wow, the audacity to do bets in the middle of lunch. Diavolo and Barbatos are enjoying every second of this. Rosaria just focuses on eating more sushi because it's been a while since she ate human food.

Rosaria: By the way, this is really odd-looking sushi.... What's this?

Haruka: ...who ordered that?

Levi: Don't look at me! I didn't order that!

Belphie: Me, that was supposed to be my sushi. But you can eat them if you want. It's octopus sushi ma'am, it's really good.

Rosaria: I see^^ well first time for everything

Her husband of course stares in confusion as Rosaria eats the octopus sushi with no problem.

Rosaria: You are right, Belphegor! It's really good!

Suddenly Luke asks for ice cream to Haruka causing confusion to her since Luke was this close to puke but here he is asking for ice cream.

Luke: Can I get ice cream too??

Beel: Which flavor do you want Luke? I'll order them for you.

Luke: Uh.... I don't know;-;

Ichigo: I think Vanilla works fine for you. The other flavors are too unique.

Luke: Oh! Okay then, order me the vanilla ice cream, Beel!!

Beel: Then I'll settle with the charcoal one, it seems interesting^^

Ichigo: Just don't forget to brush your teeth after^^

Beel: Of course I won't! :(

With that, the additional order finished and everyone enjoys the sashimi and their ice cream. Now it is time to go home, Ichigo instantly goes with Haruka without any of the demon brothers knowing. This causes havoc in the bus.

Lucifer: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.... Seven?!

Levi: ....Where did Ichigo go?

Beel: She told me she's going to the toilet...

Satan: Then why don't we just wait for her.

Belphie: Well yeah, no sht! We can't leave her here! Use your 200 IQ!

Suddenly Lucifer's phone starts to ring, turns out Michael is calling him. Of course, Lucifer answers him,

Lucifer: Yes?

Michael: Ichigo is in our van. She's okay, don't worry. If you can hear her at least, talking loudly as always.

Lucifer: Ah I see... she did inform me she's staying with you angels. Did she bring her stuff with her?

Michael: Oh she did, it's in Haruka's room actually.

Lucifer: I see, that's good to hear. Thanks for informing me, Michael.

As soon as Lucifer hangs up, the brothers are shocked.

Satan: Why didn't she told us?!

Lucifer: Why would she?

Beel: ...Not even me...

Lucifer: Knowing you, you'd drag her back to our mansion. No wonder.

Solomon: and bang her for running away.

Asmo: That's not what he meant!! Wait... is it?

Lucifer: [sigh] Let's just go home. It's getting late.

Suddenly Diavolo's Van comes passing by them with Luke opening the window and mocking them.

Luke: Byeeeeee!!! See yall tomorrow!!!

Mammon: Haha sucks to be you guys!!! Ichigo's here!! Hahaha!!

Lucifer: Mammooon!!!

Belphie: Wtf-

Solomon: Why?

Satan: GET BACK HERE YOU SCUM OF A DEMON!!

Beel: Ooh! Have a safe trip, you guys!!

Asmo: Can't yall just shut up? So noisy....

Levi: normies... ckckckc

As soon as Satan finishes shouting, they all stare at him confusedly.

Lucifer: Why are you...so...worked up?

Levi: You good? Period?

Satan: I'm a male-

Belphie: Okay... I'm starting to get a hint. Goodluck, twin brother [pats Beel's shoulder]

Levi: wait wait wait- are you telling me- What?! Why?!

Satan: What do you mean why?!

Lucifer: ...Oh my Lord. Just get in!

Asmo: This is gonna be a long day

Solomon: Same.... you need to be more subtle before anyone finds out anytime soon.

Levi: Watch Mammon finding out and scolding the sht out of you.

Asmo: Nah, no need to go that far. Watch his dad finds out.

Lucifer: Let's just go home.

Back at the van, Mammon and Luke somehow high-fived at their mocking towards the other brothers.

Mammon: That was fun!

Luke: Right?! You gotta see their faces!

Mammon: Heh, riling up Satan does has its perks.

Luke: Hm? I thought we're just teasing them...?

Mammon: Oh child, you'll never know.

Simeon: Luke, don't listen to him. You know how demons are.

Mammon: Hey! :(

Simeon: Let's not do anything more reckless. Doing this can just cause more chaos, Mammon.

One the driver's seat, Diavolo and Barbatos hear this. Barbatos just smirks and nods, noting it in his head.

Barbatos: So my predictions are correct.

Diavolo: Hm? What are you talking about, Barb?

Barbatos: It's nothing, M'lord^^ Oh! We're getting near

Diavolo: Ah, you are correct. We're here, Angels!

Rosaria: Honey, wake up!! We're here!!

Michael: Oh? We are? [wakes up]

Diavolo: Yes we are^^

Michael: Oh... thanks a lot for the ride, Diavolo^^

Diavolo: Don't mention it. I'm just being a good friend.

So the angels, Haruka and Ichigo get down. As soon as they did, Diavolo's vans drive away as Mammon waves them goodbye. Of course, this goes without saying that Ichigo is staying with the angels.

Now let's watch what happened in the mansion. Diavolo and Barbatos entered the mansion normally but suddenly he feels the tension between Beel and Satan.

Diavolo: ....What's going on?

Lucifer: Good question, I've been asking that since we got home. [facepalms]

Asmo: They've been having that aura ever since we got home.

Solomon: Help ;-; I'm scared for lyfe- [clings to Asmo]

Asmo: Let's just go to our room and let them settle this-

Solomon: Yeah let's go-

Barbatos: [sigh] As I expected. It's about Ichigo, isn't it?

Lucifer: Ichigo?

Barbatos: Yes, your son seems to take a liking towards her.

Lucifer: w h a t?!

Diavolo: He does?

Barbatos: I've expected this ever since we land in the human world. It's true Satan did stare at Haruka most of the time, but his feelings start to actually blossom when Ichigo took care of him on his heartbreak.

Levi:... Is this an anime?! What even are you two doing?! Just break it up!!! [trying to separate them]

Satan: Shut up, Levi! Deal with your own business!!

Levi: Beel, come on! You're the most mature out of all of us besides Lucifer! Can you just let this go?!

Beel: He has gone too far!

Levi: What do you mean?!

Mammon: Okay you two! Break it up! Levi, hold Beel, I'll hold Satan back!

Levi: On it!

But despite Levi and Mammon holding them back, they're still arguing.

Beel: Can't you just back off?! Ichigo is mine and we've been dating for one year!

Satan: Well why don't you back off?! I'm pretty sure she prefers me anyway!!

Levi: Beel! Don't get triggered! He's just saying that, I'm sure he doesn't mean it!!

Mammon: Come on, you two! There's no need for this! Satan, can't you just love yourself or something?! Staying single ain't gonna kill ya!

Satan: Deal with your own business, Mammon!!

Mammon: I can't! You're my brother and your feelings for her are hindering our brotherhood!

Lucifer has finally had enough and decides to step in, it's so much he even turns into his demon form.

Lucifer: ENOUGH!!

The two of them quiet down and stares at Lucifer in shock.

Lucifer: Are you two seriously arguing over a girl?! Right now?! And you, Satan, what's happening to you? Since when are you this reckless? Think about it! You're about to steal someone who's dating your brother! You know how it feels to get your lover got stolen but here you are trying to steal someone else's lover!

Satan: Deal with your own business, Lucifer! You know well feelings are natural and can't be forced.

Lucifer: But you can resist it. Are you sure you want to risk your brother for your feelings for a girl?

Satan: ....

Lucifer: And you, Beel. Calm down, okay. I'm sure there's a way out. You don't need to use violence against everything. Do you want me to call Ichigo back here?

Beel: ....please....

Lucifer: Alright, I'll call her here or we'll go there. Levi, Mammon, you are in charge.

Mammon: Wait right now?

Lucifer: Yes. Come on, Beel.

Diavolo: So...all of this because of feelings for someone....

Barbatos: Indeed m'lord. Love can either be beautiful or dangerous. There's no in-between.

[1waizumihajime]

hey~ so awhile ago i made a uquiz that asked for some unpopular a3! opinions. here is the verdict (note: responses have only been edited for spelling, and if a response mentioned members of multiple troupes they are repeated in each section) enjoy!:

tsuzuru should become a professional gay drama fanfic writer based off the mankai company

Chikage is a cool character but if he doesn't get over his mom trauma and keeps treating women bad its gonna be a problem. Like outside of kidnapping izumi as a sabotage for the company he treated her so bad bc she's a woman and he was like "oh I realize ur not like other girls" I hate it here

Sakuya is underappreciated and deserves some more heart to heart talks.

Citron and Izumi would make a fantastic couple!!

TsuzuMizu is one of the world’s greatest love stories. The Y E A R N I N G

I think that. Chikage :)

I don’t like Masumi

why does everyone like chikage and itaru i dont understand

masumi pls stop deep breathin

Tsuzuru’s deadlines were only for the first 4 plays of the company and the fact that no one says this to him or try’s to help him with his sleep and work means they’re perfectly fine with him ruining his health if they get what they want from him (a good script) in this essay I will

if they don't release the sprites of itaru and banri's older sisters i have no choice but to assume they're hot af and also sapphic

Izumi needs to place a restraining order on Masumi

Muku has bigger duality than Itaru

Masumi is creepy

Itarun is baby

citron is a walking racist stereotype and thats why i dont like a3 :)

itaru is too good looking for his own good, love that for him

sakuya deserves the world but that's not an opinion it's just a fact

I- u. H m— u h— ...... so like- Taichi Banri and Tenma hanging out being friends. Y e s—

muku nonbinary

Yuki is a cishet, and saying he isn't when it's stated he is, and gets bullied for not being cishet makes me feel wrong

a3! writers: we addressed kazu's problems me: you didn't address shit a3! writers: we've addressed them

misumi deserves the world

Yuki is Ace and no it’s a fact people refuse to acknowledge

maybe we should talk more about how kazunari never got his conclusion and still has issues being himself but im just sayin

i don't think is actually unpopular but a3 im begging you. please stop type-casting characters and let characters other than yuki play female characters hdjkhfjkhfjs khjksh ok thanks

Misumi x Tenma is NOT valid (Sorry not sorry)

idk if this is unpopular but i wish misumi’s character was more fleshed out...his whole life can’t be 1.) triangle and 2.) parental neglect ToT

Muku has bigger duality than Itaru

cmon we could have a little izumi/banri's older sister. just for fun and banri's mild suffering

Juza is overrated

I- u. H m— u h— ...... so like- Taichi Banri and Tenma hanging out being friends. Y e s—

if they don't release the sprites of itaru and banri's older sisters i have no choice but to assume they're hot af and also sapphic

i actually don't see the appeal in SakyoIzu. idk, Izumi can do better than that

banri depressed :( thats why he angy

juza and omi superior ship

banri has good fashion taste fite me

taichi is a top tier boy <3

Taiyuki supremacy

jtszbn :]

taichi and juza good ship why does no one ship GRRR i angery

juza is way more interesting than people give him credit for! him just casually offering to cross dress...i love him. also he definitely wears eyeliner

idk man but taichi is severely underappreciated

Juza and banri are both subs but banri is a brat and makes juza top. Juza's mom has beaten god behind a 711

Nachi is best boy

Azumi needs to Stop

Uhhhh the puppy characters aren't actually that cute and Taichi is very annoying on the surface before taking into account his backstory. The characters who have passions and interests outside of just being good to you, the player, are much cuter imo

it's not an unpopular opinion, i'm literally just in love with omi

Homare’s definitely gay, I can feel it

azuma... asexual.. thank u for coming 2 my ted talk

Tasuku is a himbo. He's buff, he's stupid, and contrary to popular belief he is NOT mean, yall are just sensitive. I will die mad about this

Tasuku is a himbo. No I will not budge on this. After he stops being an asshole he BECOMES a himbo and if liber would just SHOW him being the himbo he was meant to be then I'd be able to rest in peace

Hisoka is a really good flirt

U h Hisoka is so fuvkimg short i swear to fucking god he needs to drink more fucking milk-

Beyond the Wall is not that good.

guy deserves more thirsty hoes why does he have so few give guy thirsty hoe stans

homare rights

Homare world domination

hisoka unhinge

Azuma is genderfluid.

Tsumugi and his "grandma" vibe ;)))

Homare mermaid play. We need it

Azuma deserves a hug so does Homare actually all of Winter Troupe deserves a hug

Cybird pls let me date izumi I would like to give her a kiss pls

They’re all gay

Gay

I'm gay

i’m conflicted about izumi bc on the one hand i like fleshed out female leads but on the other hand because i’m so different from her i find it hard to relate to the game sometimes

the anime is still not perfect but I like it for what it is

um i dont hate this particularly, but it annoys me how everyone ships the lead and co-lead (saku&masu, tenyuki, juban) because they have a good dynamic, like ??? yeah lol and?? but its harmless and stuff so in chill w it. only exception is tasuku and tsumu because they do have chemistry!! absolutely hinted at

[transthaumaturge]

Ace Attorney and the Finally Kind-Of Okay Queer Representation

Note: This post contains massive spoilers for Turnabout Academy, the third case in the 3DS game Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies. There are also spoilers for a few cases in the earlier games. Please only read on if you’re okay with that.

I love Ace Attorney, but as a series it is fraught with bad queer representation. It really says something that the first queer character that I felt pretty good about was five games in. Most of this bad rep is in the form of effeminate, gay-coded men that are written as evil and/or comic relief. A brief rundown:

1) Redd White, the power-hungry CEO of Bluecorp;

2) Jean Armstrong, the cowardly café owner who lied on the stand (and who is repeatedly misgendered by the judge for comic relief);

3) Florent L’Belle, the greedy Mayor’s Aid.

All three characters are presented as a mix of negative stereotypes and bad-faith comic relief. They’re dark spots in an otherwise really fun series, and it’s made me very uncomfortable interacting with each one as I’ve played through the cases. I’ve never felt worse about Ace Attorney than when it’s punching down on gay-coded characters, all of whom were written with no redeemable qualities. I mean, two of them were the actual murderers in their respective cases! Honestly, it just sucked.

That’s why I got so excited (and also super-nervous they would botch it again) today while playing through Turnabout Academy, at the moment when one of the characters is revealed to be explicitly trans. I’ll go over the general facts and then discuss why this was a step in the right direction, but still very flawed.

In the case, Robin Newman is a high school law student and a close friend of the defendant. In the early stages of the case, Robin presents as a very masculine individual and even wears a chest brace that is supposedly proof of her manliness. This whole time, she’s represented as a very aggressive and unhappy person. But on the first day of the case, it’s revealed that she put on a feminine costume belonging to the defendant because she really wanted to wear something girly. When further pressed, she comes out in the courtroom and reveals that she’s actually a girl—the chest brace was hiding the fact that she had breasts, and her parents raised her as a boy as some terrible step in forcing her to become a prosecutor when she grew up. Afterward, she’s a very cheerful, peppy person and says that she’s grateful she finally gets to live life as a girl and pursue her dream of becoming an artist.

As a trans woman myself, I started getting really excited as soon as it became clear that Robin put on the outfit—and even more excited when it was finally revealed that she was a girl who had been raised as a boy. The first thing that tipped me off to my gender identity was wanting to wear women’s clothing, so this gender euphoria through clothing scenario was something that I could relate to on a deep emotional level. And while I got nervous at first because the blame for the murder was briefly pinned on her, that ultimately goes nowhere. This is the first queer character in an Ace Attorney game that is represented as kind, positive, and trustworthy. Robin is wonderful. I love her so much.

But now I want to dive into where parts of her portrayal are still negative, and how Capcom made several missteps that ultimately resulted in Robin not being as fleshed-out and three-dimensional as she deserved to be.

First, Robin’s reveal is still treated like comic relief at times. I was really uncomfortable when several characters said “he was a she???” or something to that effect. Given that “he-she” was once a widely used transphobic slur for trans women, it wasn’t in good taste. Also uncomfortable was the fact that as soon as the big reveal happened, she took on a bunch of hyperfeminine behavioral and vocal tics. The worst was when she started swooning every time that anything shocking happened for the rest of the time she was on the stand. It felt like this was just a way to play up the comedy side of “hey, she’s a girl now.” She was forcibly outed in the courtroom, and then magically showed no trauma or self-doubt afterward. It almost felt like she wasn’t there to be a serious character anymore. Later, she thanks Athena for outing her. I think that sends the wrong message.

What did the game do right when portraying her? I loved how visibly relieved and happy she was after coming out, though it sucks that she didn’t get to do it on her own terms. It’s later revealed that she had confided in a professor about her gender identity and had a plan to come out to the school, so that was a nice touch. I also really liked it being mentioned that she had been raised as a boy, removing most of the ambiguity about what we were seeing—that this wasn’t a self-imposed repression of her authentic self, but something that had been forced on her. They used the right pronouns for her throughout the entire rest of the case without slipping up even once, thankfully not misgendering her for laughs like they did relentlessly with Jean Armstrong two games earlier. She was also just a really pleasant character to be around afterward, so that was nice.

What would be on my wish list if I were asked to help in rewriting Robin to be a more positive example of trans representation? First, I would fix her character’s comedic behavioral tics. Most witnesses have some silly animations, but the fact that all of her tics after being outed were hyperfeminine to the point of parody made me uncomfortable. Are there other ways to make her a bit quirky and visibly feminine without punching down on her burgeoning relationship with her gender? I’m sure that there are. It would also be nice for her reaction to being out in public for the first time to be more on par with what you might actually expect if a trans woman found herself in that situation. She probably feels relieved, but also a bit scared, embarrassed, and hesitant about how she’s supposed to act now. I would love to see some of that reflected in how she talks and in how she acts. Maybe she’s daydreaming of what she can wear now that she’s out, and that’s interspersed with nervous hair-twirling and curtsying at awkward times.

I’d also like her to say something to Athena about how she wished that she wasn’t forced to come out in front of a bunch of people like that, but she’s happy that she gets to be herself. Anything other than thanking Athena for outing her with no qualifiers. The fact that she was forcibly outed needs to be portrayed as a traumatic moment. Sure, something good came out of it and Athena didn’t immediately realize that that’s where the cross-examination was going, but it shouldn’t have happened. An apology from Athena would also be nice. She should feel at least a little bit guilty about outing someone in the middle of a courtroom, even if that someone was much happier afterwards.

Finally, I’d love for there to be less ambiguity about the events that led her to this point—and ideally, something that more explicitly shows that she’s a trans woman. The way her dialogue was written, I think the writers were trying to portray her as having been assigned female at birth, but later forced by her parents to take on a male identity for…some reason. It’s never explained why they would want to inflict that on her. She’s trans regardless of her sex at birth if she was forced to live life as a boy for her entire childhood, but I think that it could be handled better. A few possibilities that I like more:

1) She was already in the middle of gender transition, and started wearing the chest brace when her breasts began to develop since she wasn’t ready to be out in public—especially to her parents, who might have cut her financial support off if they had known. After all, she was at a prestigious private legal school. That must have been a concern.

2) She was intersex, and her parents raised her as a boy when she was growing up because that’s unfortunately what happens so often with intersex children—they’re forced into one side of the binary or the other, and sometimes they find out later on that their parents didn’t make the right choice or that they don’t identify with a binary gender identity at all. Robin had breasts because she was born with both male and female sex characteristics, and try as her parents might to force her into manhood, she still had a uterus. Not every intersex person is trans, but plenty are.

3) Or just…remove the bit where she’s revealed to have breasts altogether, and keep in the fact that she’s a girl who was raised as a boy! Why does she have to be “a biological female in disguise”? While either of the above two options would have been good ways to explain the fact that she had breasts, I’m not giving the writers enough credit to have thought of one or the other. If they had, it would have been hinted at. On some level, it felt like they were saying “it’s okay everyone, she’s not really trans. Look, she had breasts all along!” If that’s what they were trying to do, then screw it; just change the reveal but nothing else about the character, and make her an unabashedly AMAB trans woman.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the topic. I recognize that this was super long-winded, but I needed to get my thoughts out—anyone who’s interested in this and got something from the long read, I’m glad that I was able to provide some insight. And I’m not even done with the series yet! Maybe they did do better! I don’t have my hopes up, but maybe! Anyway, please feel free to reblog this post with your thoughts or message me if this inspired any opinions of your own. As long as those thoughts aren’t “Robin isn’t really trans or queer at all.” I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

Have a great day, everyone! And thanks for reading!

[containsxmultitudes]

SPN Questionnaire

Tagged by: No one, I stole it! Tagging: Steal it you heathens.

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

Great question. I think about a year before I made Nick’s blog. And Nick’s blog is roughly 8 years old now. So I guess when I was about 16? I watched it because a friend from facebook RP played either Dean or Cas, I don’t remember which. And all I knew was that I wanted to understand. So I started watching it. And at the time I really fucking liked it. 

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

Hands down the answer is Sam Fucking Winchester. I love his character. Cas is a very close second. But Sam has my heart. It’s what it is.

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

Dean. That’s too easy for me to answer. It’s not that I hate Dean, because I don’t. But I’m very critical of his character past like season 7. And even season 7 is on thin fucking ice.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs

@sunsymbols (listen, I think at this point Marci has to know I’m slightly platonically in love. And if Marci doesn’t know that, well what up. Now u do. <3) @heavensuffered (I haven’t RP’d with this person as of yet, but I truly love seeing them on my dash, and their interactions from various blogs of theirs that I follow. One day I’ll get the nerve to try to interact with ‘em.) @siilverbulleted (Bandit counts as a supernatural character right? Because too bad I’m counting them. I love Bandit, I love Mimikyu. 10/10 quality OC and person.) @compatiissante (Technically Maya is fandomless, but they do interact with SPN blogs enough that I’m still fuckin’ counting it. Salem is lovely, Maya is lovely. Also a 10/10 quality OC and person.) @soxgetxthis​ (Sam mun, and Sam muse. Double Sam. Wonderful as hell. I love. I stan. Chef’s kiss. I’m so glad to know them!)

Bonus:

@bevvitching​ (Honestly what a lovely OC, and a lovely person. I love Katie’s character. Brilliant. Sassy. Cute. Yes. Also mun is a nice fucking person.)

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Claire, Ruby, or Eileen. 

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

Claire, Ruby, or Eileen.

7. John or Mary?

Mary. She is flawed for sure. But she tried to leave the life and do the best she could before getting killed. And I don’t know much about when she came back in the later seasons, but I genuinely believe that she would have had to be super disoriented and unsure what to be doing. So whatever choices she made make sense enough to me to be forgivable. John is complicated.

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

Sam: My first impression was that I really liked him. I thought he was hilarious. My current impression is that I’d die for him, personally. I would go to bat for that boy instantly even though he’s a fictional character lmao.

Dean: Similar first impression as Sam. I think I had a more immediate connection to Dean specifically because I was one of those dumb asses who read a lot of destiel despite not having watched the show yet lol. So I had that going for me. The current impression of him is extremely different. Like a full 180 switch of how I feel about Dean.

Cas: Another one of those things where I was biased because of reading fic lmaooooo. But I still like him now. I think he’s a beautifully done character.

Jack: So admittedly Jack’s character became a thing a few years after I’d stopped watching SPN. But based on anything I know of him, I do think he’s a sweet little bean.

9. What’s your favorite season?

Honestly don’t know. But favorite set of seasons would be 1-5. With 6-parts of 8 as a second.

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Anything from season 9 onward can eat me.

11. Opinions on Destiel?

So I came to this fandom because of RP and because of Destiel fic. So I’m not against a good destiel fic. However, because of my changed, critical views, of Dean... Destiel isn’t something I’d want for Castiel. I think Cas deserves more than someone who’s going to treat him like ass. And I do think Dean treats him like ass. I don’t care if Dean cried over his trenchcoat, and I don’t care that he went to purgatory and looked for him. Because at the end of the day? Dean does not treat Castiel very well for being friends with him. Dean needs to work on himself first.

Now Sastiel,,,,

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

I 100% do believe Supernatural queerbaited. Part of that is showrunners. Part of it is the actors, actually. Who would in the past claim things, or tweet things... and it would get hopes up. So yes. I think Supernatural queerbaited. They knew what fans thought, and acknowledged it. And then continued to put in content that would read like something was going to happen but didn’t.

Also multiple instances of bury your gays: Charlie? Kaia? Cas? It doesn’t matter whether or not Dean returned those feelings, it really doesn’t. But Cas was an unquestionably queer character and they had him die for his unrequited love of Dean. 

So yes. They queerbaited.

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

1-7, without even a second thought.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?

Either Azazel. (Who was a baller villain. Spooky fucker). Or season 5 Lucifer, surprisingly. But like,,,, only season 5 Lucifer. Other seasons Lucifer was a No From Me Dawg. He was written so well that he literally had some of the audience believing he was the one who was wronged. He had the audience believing he was the most considerate angel. The one who wanted “real consent” (spoiler alert: he didn’t.) And I think that was interesting.

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

They should have left Lucifer in the cage after season 5, haha. 

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?

Sam, easily. Sam’s traumas started even before he was fucking born, y’all. Like what? No consent from day one? Baby sam getting demon blood? Nice. Sam getting possessed by Meg? Getting shit on by John and sometimes Dean? Losing Jess the same way he lost his mom? All the monster hunting? Years in hell with The Literal Devil? Forced to deal with his brother dying in that loop with Gabriel. Point or no point, Gabriel still did that shit. And I can’t imagine anything other than it being a trauma point. And I love Gabriel. Getting romantically roofied by Becky? And with a horrific implication when he becomes aware and is like, “where are my pants?” as if that’s supposed to be a funny joke?

Soulless Sam was actually more than a little bit tragic even if you put aside the fact his soul was in hell for about five seconds. Because he wanted to be there, and was kind of upset, in his own way, that people preferred Sam with a soul. Even though he was there and never asked to be soulless.

Then there’s the arc of Sam going through the trials. And admitting at the end that he feels unclean, and terrible because he just didn’t want to let anyone down.

FOLLOWED BY DEAN MAKING HIM APOLOGIZE FOR BEING UPSET THAT HIS AUTONOMY WAS TAKEN FROM HIM AGAIN. BY A FUCKING ANGEL. WHO WAS LYING. WHICH HE ALREADY HAS TRAUMA FROM. BECAUSE DEAN COULDN’T HANDLE BEING ALONE!

Endless Lucifer retraumatization. Endless Dean being an edgelord.

So yeah. It’s Sam.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

Honestly the first episode that comes to mind is that one episode where Dean gradually gets more scared of things as the episode goes on. Or the episode where wishes come true, but slightly off, and they have to try and deal with the teddy bear lmao.

18. Do you like case episodes?

Yep!

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

You’d be surprised to hear this, as you might assume I’d say Sam because of how much I could talk about him. But it’s actually Cas. I can’t fully explain why. A lot of it is the awkwardness, the difficulties with interacting normally. It’s the sense of just wanting to help people even if sometimes the way things go aren’t completely right. But also I’m gay as shit and probably asexual. And Big Fucking Same on my end.

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

Oh at this point I don’t. I like Supernatural for the RP fandom that I personally associate with lmao. But I liked it before season 8-9 and onward because it was pretty entertaining and yeah.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?

I’d bring back Jo, Kaia, and a more confirmed Eileen. I’d keep Lucifer in the cage for good after season 5 lmao.

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

if you don’t mind me asking why don’t you respect thomas as a person anymore? i’m not trying to be rude or jump to anyone’s defense, i’m just genuinely curious.

I have been getting a lot of asks like these since I mentioned that I’m still upset with Thomas and although I’ve covered it multiple times on this blog, I will go ahead an explain it again because I’m tired of people telling me how to feel.

Here I will complie a list of all of the reasons why Thomas just does not rub me the right way sometimes. That being said, i recognize that Thomas is a very good actor and is a very talented man. He may have things going on in his life that I don’t know about, but the opinion I’ve formed of him is simply based on what I’ve observed and I am willing to change that if he shows reasons for the things that he does. I’m in no way trying to “demonize” Thomas here or make him out to be some crazy, rutheless being. I simply just dont vibe with some of the choices he makes and things he does. So here we go...

1) Thomas appears to have a pretty big ego. He constantly posts pictures of himself on his social media instead of using the platforms as most youtubers would: to communicate with fans about his content. He is okay with fans contantly worshipping him like a god and living off his every word. Even during his birthday he would retweet videos of people literally cellebratig his birthday with cake and candles, and that is just so odd to me... Theres nothing wrong with having a lot of confidence in yourself, but its simply something that rubs me the wrong way.

2) Thomas is a really awful business man. As I have mentioned time and time again, Thomas is running a business here, just like most youtubers with his level of fame. He has merch, a huge following, and a membership program. Despite this, Thomas continues to act as if his youtube channel is just a fun past time for him. His schedule for video releases is atrocious and I’d be surpised to find out that the team even schedules dates for things at this point. To an outside fan it just seems like they release a video whenever they want to or whenever they finish it, with no prior end goal in mind. Thomas treats his job as if it is an opinional past time, and as someone who is in college, works in a fast food job, and has an internship I cannot respect that. The man has no work-life/personal-life separation and it shows... He’s hired all of his friends to work for him and gets work done at a snails pace because of it. He always says that the team is working hard and getting things done, but never has anything to show for it...

3) Thomas is very bad at communicating with his fans. For having such an outstanding and die-hard fanbase, Thomas takes them for granted. Instead of giving fans insight on video release dates and production, he opts to say nothing simply because he doesnt “want people to get mad at him for being wrong”. I don’t know about anyone else, but that is just so messed up to me... You keep all of your adoring fans in the dark simply because you dont want to face the concequences of you not getting your work done is a timely manner? This bothers me a lot... especially when a lot of fanders are paying to get “extra information” when in fact the livestreams are simple Joan and Thomas hanging out and joking around with a very rare, almost completely absent mention of future videos.

4) The babying issue. Thomas has to recognize that his fans baby him and treat him like a breakable doll all the time. This not only makes him incapable of taking and responding to criticism, but it makes him shrug off responsibility all together. If his fans never give him concequences for his actions and simply praise him to no end, then he just keeps going what he’s doing and ignores any ouce of negativity because of it. The fanbase has babied thomas into thinking that he can do no wrong and will never be criticized, and it shows. Never once has he formally sat down and just talked about the concerns people like me and the anons that come to my blog have.

5) This is a newer one I realized with the most recent episode. The whole Trump joke threw me off guard because, while I don’t support Trump, I KNOW there must be fanders who do. And Thomas must have known this when allowing the joke into the show. It’s very inconsiderate to subtly manipulate your fans like that when this show has frankly nothing to do with politics. Had a fan been watching that who has their reasons to support trump, they may have felt alienated and hated by Thomas and that just insnt cool. This isnt the only instance of Thomas being manipulative with his fanbase. He constantly thanks and praises those of his fans who baby him and worship him while ignoring and never talking about those who have criticisms. This make fans who have concerns feel as though their worries make them terrible people and they shouldnt say them. Is this blog is anything to show for it, fanders are scared to speak about how they feel. Thi has created an extremely toxic environment for open discussion, but thomas continues to let it go on.

6) Money. Everyone, believe it or not, but Thomas makes a LOT of money. He is not an independent creator that films and edits videos all by himself simply for the fun of it and not for the money. This is his career. He is a business man and the owner of this company. His goal is to not only produce content, but to make money. And boy does he make a lot of it... Here is some math i did on my own to figure out just how much (granted it is not perfect, but it should give everyone a realization that Thomas is nowhere near the independent artists and authors that they constantly compare him to...):

-The average youtuber with 1m subscribers makes $57,200 a year from ad revenue. Thomas has 3.36 million subscribers so 3.36*57,200 is $192,192.

-The last member livestream has 1.5k views and each member is giving thomas $5.29 per month. So per month thomas is making 5.29*1,500 from members, or $7,935. Per year, Thomas the recieves 7,935*12 from members, or $95220 (obviously this number could be a little smaller because I’m sure youtube takes some of that money)

-Apart from this, Thomas also sponsors nearly every video on his channel that is a decent length. (I’ll admit that the math for this part is up to a lot of interpretation because I have no idea how Thomas sponsorships are handled, but I will do my best). Alright so, youtubers charge brands anywhere from $10 to $50 per 1,000 views, to be forgiving I’ll do the math using the lowest price. On Thomas’ most recent blooper video, he had 736k views. If we divide that by 1000 thats 736. So 736*10 is 7,360. And that is just one sponsorship at the lowest price. I’m not really sure how many sponsorships thomas has done, but in the last year it seems like about 5 (the blooper, asides episode, gay disney prince, intrisive thoughts, and SvS). So that is 5 sponsorships per year, 7,350*5 or $36,800.

-So total income before considering merch sales and by assuming the lowest numbers for some areas is $36,800 + $95,220 + $192,192 = $324,212

Now with all of this in mind... Thomas makes so much money. Money that I could never even dream of coming by. And he does this with minimal uploads and scamming his members into continuing to pay him even through month long periods of no content. Thomas doesn’t even need to make videos at this point, the money that he drags out of his fans is already plenty. And then, not only does he have all of this money, but he uses it for fun trips and adventures those of which he brags about on his social media. He went to new york and saw three broadway shows, he went to vidcon and took a weeklong vaction there. He bought from what I saw, at least three playstations and games for different friend and family members. He is in no way struggling for money... and instead takes money from his adoring fans when he has no content to show for it.

[artificialqueens]

Hot as Hell and No A/C, Chapter 3 (Branjie)- Blackhighheels

(Read at AO3)

Three

Jose knows it might not be the best idea to come to this run down bar, but he is bored and he needs a drink. Since he left Los Angeles he hasn’t been to any clubs or bars and this shack is the only thing nearby in the middle of motherfucking nowhere.

The offer is somewhat limited and so he orders a whiskey, since that seems to be the only thing they have beside shots and beer. He remains sitting at the bar and the woman behind it, Lindsey, is a hoot and he likes talking to her. From what she’s telling him she used to be the queen bee around here, about forty years ago, until she got pregnant too young and out of wedlock and found herself working in this bar to keep a roof over her head and care for her son.

He’s so engrossed in Lindsey’s stories that it takes him a while to realise that a couple of guys by the pool table are talking about him. The words ”Faggot”, ”Gay” and ”cocksucker” are a dead give away and he doesn’t think they’d say that about anyone but him around here.

”Hey, assholes! Got a problem with my gay ass?” He yells at them. It might be the alcohol or simply his frustration about the town and what it does to people, but he isn’t willing to just take it and keep him mouth shut. And he’s not afraid of them. He’s had his share of fights in his life, both because of the area he grew up in and also because of him being so obviously gay.

The four men, or boys, come closer and he can already smell the cloud of beer that surrounds them.

”Did you faggot just call us assholes?”

”If you’re the assholes who just talked smack about me, then yeah, I did.” He turns around in his bar stool and is glad that it gives him a bit of a height advantage.

”You better watch your mouth you filthy cocksucker.”

”Mmmh…. Sucking dick’s only filthy when it’s done right. You ever tried it?”

Jose expects a punch or kick, maybe something thrown his way. He doesn’t expect one of the guys spitting right into his face.

”Guys like you are dirt and god will take care of you,” the smallest one says. He seems to be believer amongst them.

Jose doesn’t want to talk anymore though. They just spit at him. He’s done talking. Before the god-fearing idiot has even finished speaking, Jose smacks the fucker who spit at him right across the face with the back of his hand.

”Imma end you, you motherfuckers. No one spits at me, bitch! You got hands, show me! Show me!” he yells, as blood drips from the drunken teenager’s nose.

”Hey!” Lindsey grabs him from behind. ”No fights in my bar. House rule. If you really wanna beat each other up, take it outside. But I’d advise all of y’all to just leave it. You four shouldn’t even be in here or drinking, and you,” she turns to Jose ”better not make more enemies than necessary while ya here. This is a small town.” Jose looks at the four teenagers in front of him, then throws a couple of dollars on the bar and leaves. So much for grabbing a drink and enjoying a night out.

***

Brock walks out of the stable when he hears a voice he would recognise everywhere. He also knows the car parked in their driveway.

”Fuck,” he curses quietly and hurries towards the house, wiping his hands on an old rag as panic settles in his stomach. This can’t be happening! Also, he is painfully aware that his hair is a mess, he is sweaty, dirty and his clothes are stained. Usually when he sees Jose, he at least gets a chance to shower beforehand.

For the last two weeks Jose has driven Rachel and him home after each dance practise. Sometimes they stop for ice cream or food on the way back. Brock is aware that Jose only makes little bets with Rachel, bets he always loses, and then has to invite them to whatever it is he promised her. Brock wouldn’t be able to buy ice-cream and take-out three or four times a week for three people.

The time he spends with Jose and Rachel has become the highlight of his life. He doesn’t mind walking half an hour to a dance studio and then watch for nearly two hours in the overheated studio as his niece prances around the room with other girls. The short drive back with Jose makes it all worth while.

He is the funniest and kindest guy Brock’s ever met. It feels a bit like having a friend, a real friend for once, and Jose is probably the only person he can really be himself with. He can giggle when he feels like it, talk with his hands and even admit that he likes colourful sprinkles on top of his ice-cream.

However, none of it explains why Jose is here now, parked in front of his parents’ house. It’s already too late, Brock realises when he makes his way around the front-porch and find both his mother and father standing on the porch talking to Jose.

”Aw, that’s too bad you can’t tell me. Thought I’d save them the long walk, now that I’m in town anyway.”

”Sorry, we can’t help ya,” his father says in a brusk tone.

”Ok, never mind. Thanks anyway,” Jose turns around to leave. That’s when he spots Brock. Immediately Jose’s face lights up. He is looking really good today, wearing a white wife-beater, a short black and red flannel shirt and tiny black  shorts. ”Hey Brock!”

”Hello,” Brock replies as neutral as possible and it takes a lot not to return the smile. He is very aware that his parents are watching their interaction with stony expressions. ”What are you doing here?”

”Thought I’d ask you and Rachel if I should drive you to dance practice today. I have to take care of some shit here in town and could take you back with me. Don’t think ya got your car fixed yet, huh?” Jose still smiles and casually leans against his Porsche. He looks like someone straight out of an ad or a tv show. Already Brock’s stomach tightens because he knows what he has to do.

”I’m sorry Sir, but that’s not necessary. Rachel and I can manage on our own. Thank you for the kind offer though,” he declines and watches the smile melt off Jose’s face when the icy tone of Brock’s voice registers with him.

”Brock! You know him?” His mother asks. She sounds surprised. What did she think? That some stranger would just show up and offer driving him and Rachel?

”This is Jose. He is Rachel’s dance teacher for the next couple of weeks. Jason hurt himself.” He informs both of his parents.

”You done with the hay?” His father stops any further explanation.

”No, not yet. I just heard voices and thought I’d check on ya.”

”I don’t need ya checking, that’s what we got guns for. I need ya working!” His father barks.

”I better get going,” Jose says quietly and his eyes appear to be so large and defeated that Brock nearly drowns in them.

”Thank you again for the offer but we can manage,” he says and softens his tone. He doesn’t want to decline. If he had a choice, he’d gladly drive around in Jose’s car all day and talk to him about everything and nothing. But it’s not an option he has.

He can’t move, he can’t do anything when he watches Jose get into the car and then drive off, leaving dust and a hint of cologne in the air.

”Don’t ya have work to do?!” his father asks him from the porch and snaps him out of his daze. Quickly he hurries back to the stable to work, to hide and to hopefully forget about the scene he was just a part of. He swallows a couple of times to keep the tears inside that his stupid overly emotional heart wants him to cry for how he just treated Jose.

***

”Care to tell us what that guy wanted today?” Brock’s father asks as soon as he sits down at the table for lunch.

”I told you, he’s Rachel’s dance teacher and I know nothing more than you do. He wanted to drive us to her dance class.”

”How’d he know your car’s broken?”

”We were late a couple of times,” Brock sighs and takes a piece of bread, rips a piece off and stuffs it in his mouth so the words he really wants to speak won’t burst out.

”I don’t like ya hanging with that folk! It’s bad enough that Ada allows Rachel to take dance lessons at that place. You being around these faggots a couple o’times a week… ya know what the people in town gonna say if they see this gay guy here? Ya know what the minister’s gonna say? You stay away from them, ya hear me!” His father is basically yelling at this point.

”I take Rachel to dance class because no one else has the time to do so, not because I wanna hang out there. I don’t know this guy any better than I know Jason, so what’s the big deal? He is a good teacher and Rachel likes him.”

”Stop eating before we said grace!” His father slaps the bread out of his hand, which drops to the floor. ”And Rachel shouldn’t be anywhere around these faggots, this music or these whore dance moves! It’s not right! Their lifestyle and everything they do’s offensive to the lord and every god fearing Christian. They don’t belong here and I want none of my family have anything to do with them. If you wanna hang out with these sinners you get your ass out of my house and better never come back.” Now his father is really yelling.

”How else is Rachel supposed to get there? By the time the lessons are done it’s dark out. It’s too far for her to go on her own. It’s not safe!”

”If I had a say in it she wouldn’t go there at all! But ya sister is letting her kids do whatever! If she lets them run with the wrong crowd, they should know what’s waiting for them!”

It’s nothing Brock hasn’t heard before. It’s nothing he hasn’t seen or felt before. He knows if he speaks another word now the fight will most likely become physical. Brock has never raised a hand against his father, but for a while now he’s taken to defending himself and his mother when the beer gets to his father’s head again.

He hates how he judges Jose without even knowing him. He even hates him for judging Jason. For a split second he wants to scream at him that he’s a sinner himself, gay like them and that even all the beatings he got as a child and teenager didn’t take it out of him.

Then he glances at his mother and her wide, scared eyes let him bite his tongue and lower his head. ”I’ll tell Ada I can’t take Rachel anymore.” He leans over and picks the bread up off the floor and uses the second to wipe his face clean of any emotion. Fury is still burning in his gut, nearly making him sick as he swallows it down and nearly chokes on it.

This is not the time though, not the time to risk it all for nothing. Jose will be gone again in about three weeks and their tentative friendship will become only a memory. What does it matter if he stops it all now, goes back to life how it was before Jose got here and starts living his harsh reality again three weeks earlier? His father probably just saved him a lot of pain and heartache. Brock knows that Jose and his friendships means too much already and he’s gotten too used to it.

”Good. Brock, can you say grace?” His mother ends the discussion with a grateful look and Brock knows he’s made the right decision.

***

”Hey, uncle Brock,” Rachel greets him after the mass on Sunday, when they are all still standing in front of the church.

”Hey honey,” he smiles.

”Can you take a look at my bike? The breaks’ not working and mommy can’t fix it,” she asks him and of course Brock follows her to her bike on the other side of the lawn. He doesn’t care that his good pants get dirty as he kneels down beside the small bike. It’s more important that his niece has a functioning bike, now that she has to ride it to dance practise and back. Brock doesn’t like it. He worries about her constantly, but there is nothing he can do.

”It’s just a bit loose, honey, that’s easily fixed,” he assures her.

”Thank you!”

”Do your lights work? I don’t like you riding your bike in the dark after practise, so we have to make sure at least these are working.”

”Can I tell you a secret?” Rachel whispers after checking that they are alone.

”Always.”

”I’m not driving back on my bike. Vanjie takes me until we reach our house and then waits with the lights turned off until he knows I’m safely inside.”

Brock feels a warmth spreading through him that nearly knocks him on his ass. He grasps the bike to keep his balance. He should have known Jose would make sure Rachel is safe. It’s so much like him that Brock feels like weeping. It’s only been three days, but he already misses their talks so much and hearing about how he cares for his niece only makes him miss Jose more. If only he could just talk to him sometimes.

”That’s very nice of Vanjie. He’s a very good guy,” Brock tells her just as quietly as she told him her secret.

”Then why do you hate him?”

”What? What makes you think I hate him?” he asks surprised and slowly gets up.

”Vanjie asked why you not taking me anymore and if you’re sick or something. I told him ‘bout the stuff grandpa said and that you can’t take me ‘cause they’re offensive and sinners and you don’t wanna be around him and can’t be his friend.”

Brock nearly crumbles to the ground for real this time. ”Rachel, how do you know about that talk?”

”I wanted to see you but then I heard the yelling through the open window and ran off. I don’t like grandpa when he’s mean like that.”

He takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his curls. There are so many things wrong with what Rachel just said and what she overheard. But there are also things he can maybe fix.

”Honey, I don’t agree with grandpa. Vanjie is a very good and nice guy and don’t let anyone tell you anything else about him or Jason, ok? ” Rachel nods her head. ”The only reason why I’m not taking you anymore is because grandpa gets very upset about these things and he’s scared that people will say mean things about me in town.”

”Like the things they say about Jason?”

”Yeah, like that. And he doesn’t want that for me or any of us. And I don’t want to make grandpa angry.”

”Uncle Brock? I like Jason and Vanjie.”

”That’s good. Make sure you tell them. They sure need to hear it.” He strokes his hand over Rachel’s strawberry blond hair.

”Will you tell them, too? Vanjie was really sad that you not there anymore. He said, he thought you was his friend.”

”I’ll tell him,” Brock agrees.

”Promise?” Rachel goes in for the kill.

”Promise,” he says and knows he now really doesn’t have choice but to talk to Jose. Rachel will know.

***

He waits until his parents are in bed and then sneaks outside to the orchard behind their house. It’s far enough so he won’t be overheard, dark enough so he won’t be seen and close enough to the cellphone tower so he’ll have reception.

Jose has given him his phone number the first week, but he has never used it and he hasn’t given him his own. It simply hadn’t been necessary. Jose said to use the number if he needed a ride or if Rachel couldn’t come to practise. Brock had no such excuse for giving him his number.

He takes a couple of deep breaths and then finally brings his thumb down on the dial button.

”Hello?” Jose picks up after only a couple of rings.

”Hey, uhm, it’s me, Brock,” he stutters and feels stupid already.

”What’d ya want, Sir?” Jose’s tone is snide and Brock knows he deserves it.

”Rachel told me she talked to you and I think I need to clear some things up.”

”You made it more than crystal yourself what you really think about me. Ya don’t need to drag Rachel into this.”

”I’m not! I just think, like… it’s not what it seems.”

”So you not avoiding me like the plague ‘cause your father’s a bigot asshole who thinks just talking to me will sully your reputation?” Jose is yelling at him through the phone, then he suddenly stops. When he continues his voice carries the hurt he must be feeling. ”God, I hate this motherfucking town and all of y’all religious lying assholes.”

”I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry. You’re so nice to Rachel and to me and helped us out so much and just…I’m sorry.”

”If you’re really sorry you’d have come here and told me this shit in person like a man. But I guess you just as much of a weaselly liar as the rest of these fucked up wanna be cowboys in this town. Grow up, start thinking for ya’self and learn how to make an apology real.”  Jose hangs up on him and Brock stares disbelievingly at his phone.

At first he is shocked and sad. He’s just lost the only friend who really knew him. Not only that, but he also thinks badly about him now. How can he think that Brock agrees with his father? He must know that he doesn’t have a choice, right? He thought Jose knows… That’s when Brock gets angry himself. He is so sick of all of these people and their opinions about him and his life and what he is supposed to do and to think. He’s used to it from his family and the town and the parish. But Jose? How dare he!

Before he really knows what he is doing, he has run inside, grabbed his mother’s car keys and is on the way to the dance studio. Jose wants him to talk to him in person? He can have it!

***

Brock bangs on the front-door and his hand is still in the air when the door is ripped open.

”What the fuck are you doing here, bitch?”

”You told me to talk to you in person, didn’t you?” Brock raises his voice as well.

”Aaaah and of course the good little christian boy always does what he is told,” Jose sneers. For a second Brock wants to punch him. Instead he pushes past him into the apartment. Jason or whoever else is around, really doesn’t need to hear this conversation.

Jose lets the door falls shut and crosses his arms over his chest. ” Say what you gotta say, then leave.”

”Why are you acting like this?”

”Acting? Acting bitch! Imma show you who’s acting! You lucky I’m not kicking your ass right now for pretending to be my friend, acting all nice and cute while we eating ice cream and then you suddenly stabbing me in the back, pretending you don’t fucking know me and stop talking to me without any explanation. I don’t need any more backstabbing hoes in my life.”

”Do you have any idea what my father would have done, if he knew we were hanging out after dance practice? If he knew we were so much as talking on the regular? I don’t know who he would have shot first, you or me!”

“I’m not scared of your asshole father. I don’t give a shit about him! But I give a shit about loyalty. And you not who I thought you were! You not fucking loyal! If you’d been at that fucking bar last week, you’d have spat on me too and tried to beat me up, just ‘cause you scared of your father. You pathetic!” Jose is full on screaming at him now.

”So you got a taste of what it’s like to live here for one night? Do you know what it’s like to live here every fucking day of your fucking life? When they beat me up as a kid ‘cause I was too girly, my dad beat me up again when I got home. They threw rocks at me, spat at me and slapped me all the way through school. I couldn’t tell my parents, the teachers didn’t care and I didn’t even understand what the fuck was wrong with me!” Brock starts pacing in the small living room.

”You’re the only person who knows. The only person who knows that I’m…” he can barely get the word over his lips. ”…that I’m gay.” There, he’s said it out loud for the first time in his life. Well, yelled it at Jose. ”And you know what happens when that gets out? When only a rumour will spread? What you experienced at the bar will be my life every fucking day and worse. My parents will kick me out, I’ll lose all of my family and I’ll have nothing, NOTHING left. Maybe that’s what I deserve for being that way, maybe that’s really god’s way of punishment. But I’d rather live a lie every day for the rest of my fucking life than to lose the little I have left.” Tears are dripping from Brock’s chin by the end of his confession. He’s laid it all out now to Jose, a guy he barely knows and just because he’s the first one who has shown him any kindness. Fuck! What if… what if he tells people? What if he is so angry he will take revenge and..

”Hey, it’s ok. I understand,” Jose is suddenly standing in front of him and places his hands on his upper arms. That’s when Brock realises he’s shaking. ”It’s ok.” Jose tries to wipe his tears away with the back of his hands, but they fall faster than he can wipe them off. ”Come here, boo, sit down. You still shaking like a fucking tree,” he says. Brock has to laugh about the mishap.

”Leaf,” he corrects through his tears and hiccups.

”Smart ass. Imma get you some water,” Jose smiles and disappears for a moment, before he comes back with a bottle of water and some tissues. Brock takes the water and drinks it down, before he accepts the tissues and dries his face and his eyes.

He feels stupid now for getting so upset, for crying, for yelling all of his secrets at Jose and for coming here in the first place. ”I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…” he starts but Jose stops him.

”You know what, boo? You look like you need a hug. That ok?” Jose asks him with a tender and worried look.

”I’m not good at hugging,” Brock shrugs self-deprecatingly and looks down.

”You lucky, ‘cause I’m the best at giving hugs.” A moment later Jose slowly pulls him in his arms and hugs him tightly. It’s a strange feeling for Brock and he can’t remember when he has ever hugged anyone other than his sister or his nieces and nephews. Then however, he slowly relaxes against Jose’s warm body and lets the last couple of tears fall.

So this is what it feels like, he thinks. It’s nice and soothing, comfortable and exciting. He feels safe and cared for. Jose starts running his hands up and down his back and if Brock could, he would start purring like his favorite kitten. He closes his eyes and enjoys the feeling.

After a while, he turns his head, his nose bumps against Jose’s neck and the scent of cologne gets stronger. Jose’s hand slides up his neck and into his hair. When Brock looks up and their eyes meet, it only takes a split second and then Jose brushes his lips against his. It’s not even a peck, more like a butterfly like touch, but Brock wants more. He stops thinking as he leans up and captures Jose’s mouth in a soft kiss.

When he pulls back his brain suddenly starts working again and he jumps back. ”Oh my god!” he covers his tingling lips with his hand and stares at Jose.

”Please tell me that’s not been your first kiss,” Jose begs, equally wide eyed.

”No! But.. Like… we can’t do this. I can’t..not… here… I’m…”

”It’s ok, Brock. It don’t gotta mean nothing. You can go back to ignoring me now. I get it, I promise. No hard feelings.” The hurt in Jose’s voice tells Brock something else though.

”I don’t wanna ignore you.” He tells him honestly. ”But I can’t… do this here. It’s too risky.”

”Alright. Friends then?” Jose smiles.

”Friends,” Brock nods. ”Just… no one can know.”

”‘Cause I’m too fucking gay for this town, I know, Miss Thing. Then you better get your secretly gay ass outta here, before anyone sees you.” The words are harsh, but the smirk on Jose’s face and the hug he gives him, let Brock know he really means it.

”We could get ice cream again some time?” Brock suggests when he is already halfway out the door.

”Text me tomorrow if you still feeling that typa way and we can do that.” They smile at each other for a moment and if Brock wasn’t such a coward he’d kiss him again. Instead he quickly leaves and vows to himself that he will text Jose in the morning and make sure he won’t lose the only friend who now really knows all of his dirty secrets and still likes him. Despite it all. Maybe because of it.

TBC