#gave me +15 to my productivity stat

[angelxd-3303]

Listen. If you're procrastinating on some adulting you need to do, hear me out:

Play the FNAF movie opening theme on loop.

Idk what it is about that song, but I put that sucker on and boom! Resume written. Phone plan switched to a new card. Holy pizza slices. I even remembered dates better.

Just try it, trust me. Science has proven that certain songs or even just frequencies can affect us psychologically, they can make us fall asleep, wake up, or boost productivity. It's why many of us stand around scrolling through our playlists before finding the perfect song to clean or cook to.

We also tend to associate certain songs or sounds to actions we take while listening to them. For example, the tune I use for my alarm makes me jump when I hear it, because I'm used to getting up immediately after hearing it. The music they play for cake decorating videos puts me to sleep almost immediately because I watch them to fall asleep.

And apparently the Fnaf movie theme makes me want to be productive...

[drippingmoon]

Merry new year to everyone, again! 🥳💞🥂

I know it wasn’t an event this year, but writing a yearly wrap-up is really therapeutic, you know? So I decided to continue the tradition, and if anyone wants to join me, absolutely view this as an open invitation^^ Introduction is over, and now let’s see what 2023 looked like:

(spoilers: I adored it. I'm also probably going to make this my fixed post, in case anyone ever wants to catch up with me. And also because my second baby, AoS, is growing, and it doesn't have an intro, but I can't leave it out.)

Stats

Aquiver, Aglow: 181k (draft 4) + 195k (draft 5) + hmm, draft 6 is an outlier, because I didn’t rewrite from scratch, so I’m unsure of the written word count. I didn’t change much from draft 5, so I’d say an extra 15-20k. Total word count: 376k+

Remains of a Night: 120k 

Aberration of Sunlight: 134k

This was definitely my most productive year to date. And I got so hungry: the more I wrote, the more I just wanted to keep writing, and honestly? I’m proudest of myself for literally carving writing time whenever I got a spot into my schedule. Mostly it was from 8pm-11pm, but I had a mad run where my only free window was from 1am till I literally felt I was dying… I’ll talk about that separately🤣🤣👌

Though, I'm seriously understating it.

Like a lot of other people, I would have all these hours when I was younger when I didn't have anything to do, yet I'd still find some excuse not to write. "I'm waiting for the right time." "I'm anxious I'm not going to get it right." "Tomorrow! Tomorrow I can start right from the morning, and I'll have more time to write, yeah?" or "I'm too tired now, it's late..." and so the snowball rolled down and downhill and I found every reason under the sun not to write, now that I think about it. Sigh. So much time wasted. But I can't regret it either, because I needed those baby steps at that time.

And now! Now I do what I thought I'd never learn to: I prioritize, and I actually organize my daily stuff so it's not so impossible anymore to have a little bit of writing time. I don't take it for granted either. It feels like such character growth for me, I'm immensely proud of it.

And for the record? This year was a huge improvement over yesteryear mentally, too. It turns out, what I needed to get over my word count anxiety… was to be faced with people who literally didn’t give a fuck about it, and just cared about the story. One of the most unexpected things beta stage managed to do to me… was to quench all my anxieties. It’s as simple as that. I read and enjoy very long books. People also do that. So, I’m very happy to say I’m no longer in a tizzy about ‘quiv. It might kill my chances for trad publishing, it might not. I’ll be happy come what may.

Because it’s so simple how working on ‘quiv or thinking about it makes me joyous, and now I can just enjoy that freely. I will miss writing this story so much. I really will. But at least I’ll have it forever to reread, and I hope this thought brings comfort to everyone who also has problems letting go, like it does to me.

Let’s break it down a little, shall we?🤩

Aquiver, Aglow◇◇◇

My little star of the hour. How fond I am of it.

Like you could glean from above, ‘quiv went through three drafts this year. More specifically: in the first part of the year, practically almost as soon as February arrived. I knew it was getting closer to the final version, and gave me the push to finish all three back to back. I couldn’t justify anymore the bazillion AUs I do with rewrites (basically, WHAT IFs from events, WHAT IF it went this different way, WHAT IF Tyrone actually said this here… and so on and so forth. I wanted to test out as many pathways as possible, and did I exhaust every one of them in existence? Definitely not. I don’t think that can happen, you just keep getting new ideas. On and on. What happened, instead, is that these couple different pathways, at some point, cemented themselves as canon in my mind. I didn’t want to tease myself with alternatives anymore, and that’s when I knew they would be it. Some bits from the first draft, some from the third, some from the second. Some were even draft 6 originals!

It’s a bit of a weird process. I definitely didn’t need to reach draft 3, and meet Mezusa, because I could’ve feasibly made it work with just Yles in the story. It still would’ve made sense, though in a different way. But if I hadn’t… I might’ve missed one of the best characters I’ll ever probably have created, and the story (and Yles) is much stronger for her, if you ask me. 

For that matter, yes, full rewrites every single draft might take a lot of time and effort, but honestly I don’t think I’d ever change my writing process (save for the moments of frustration when I think I will lol) because of the sheer satisfaction of it. Whoever said so long never to settle on the first version, I owe you a beer and probably some curses as well lmao, but very lovingly. You shaped my writing life.

I don’t have much else to share about ‘quiv, other than it’s off with my beta readers my beloved, and maybe a tentative promise that, if anyone wants, you’ll be able to read this precious ball of hope of mine relatively soon. This story is so gentle to me. And as much as I loved to write and work on it, I dearly hope that whoever decides to give it a go, is treated just the same. That’s the only wish I have.

I also don’t know if I’ll go trad or self-published. Instincts say trad, because I fuckin’ suck at marketing (fact), and I know I’d grow resentful if I’d have to put so many hours into advertising when I know I could instead… write. I’m a writer. That’s the only thing I know how to do. Trad, however, might not be as kind on a ~200k as life’s been, so I might not have a choice. If it comes down to that… I’ll just treat it as I do everything. I don't love this story any less if I just write, publish without a fuss, hope that maybe, just maybe, a reader or two will stumble upon the story and we could talk. Maybe we can have the fun of our lives, create some genuine connection. I know that’s applies to a lot of writers. I hope we can accomplish it.

And so, I’ll finish this section of the wrap-up with a kiss to my ‘quiv, for all the warmth it’s ever brought me. It’s come so far, I know it can live distinct from me from now on. It brings me great comfort. And I look forward to the times I’ll reread it, and we can relive our best experiences together. Never thought I’d get to this point. Thank you, ‘quiv.

Remains of a Night♤♤♤

Mwhahaha! And because ‘quiv took all the pressure, this left AoS to be an extremely fun and spirited experience. Literally the chillest I’ve ever been writing. In many ways, it’s more my thing than I expected ‘quiv to be: I get to murder characters left and right, it’s more plot-heavy and banking on the tension created by a creature that horrifies the characters down to their marrow, but still the only way to defeat it is to know it better, which, uh, might have unpleasant consequences for them. It’s got chase and stealth scenes, and it always shoots me with adrenaline to think about them. In short, exactly my jam.

It’s not a new book, nope. You knew it before as Aberration of Sunlight, but from the get-go I felt it would be bigger than ‘quiv. Very fortunately for me, I had a place where to break it, and behold: there’s RoaN (book 1), and AoS (book 2). There might be a third book, which I dearly hope not because titling sucks, but it depends on the Sycamine arc. More on that in AoS.

One last thing to note, before we delve into the story (hoo-ray for earlier drafts, because I can talk more frankly about them). This is the culprit of my 1am writing adventures!!😫❤ My schedule became too packed, then NaNo came round and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to honor how AoS began, because it was last year’s NaNo, aaand I’m happy to say I won NaNo, somehow, with 56k down before I died. At that time, I only had one section left to write (from both books), otherwise, hahahaha, yeah, it wouldn’t have flown. Still, most of draft 2 I’d written in September-October, with my fairy lights, late nights, and cups of hot cocoa, exactly like how life should be<3

Alright. We’re going through them chapter-by-chapter again, exactly because I love seeing the titles so much:

ACT 1

Cracked Visor, Scorpion Grass

I did it! I did! Twas another shower thought I managed to get down in time. Bare broken sentences, but they did the impossible, and arranged this chapter into a structure I adore to bits and won't ever change. (And 'quiv's naughty voice left me alone for once and I could write it properly!) While I don't think I'll ever be happy with a first chapter (not as a concept, but the writing — part of me will always wish that the reader just had all the information already lol), this one is in the right place.

It pays its respects to the story of the broken helmet at the foot of a spaceship, and how it reconnects Madigan with all the people who'd suffered from being tethered to the planets when they yearned to fly, but the Beast punished them cruelly for it. It makes him feel phantoms of their efforts. The tone is exactly what I needed this story to start from: melancholy and numbly hopeless, against the backdrop of the Beasts's echoed cries.

Rain Through the Universe

Unlike 'quiv, because RoaN and AoS are way more plot-heavy, it's not as easy to change things willy-nilly (whereas 'quiv was all about character bonds and dynamics). As such, it's very similar to draft 1. Because of that, I'll frankendraft next (select and combine drafts 1 and 2, rewrite to connect them) and afterwards I'll try something I've always wanted to. (Scrivener keeps hinting at it!) I'm gonna split the chapters into scenes, and focus on those individually and how I can just rewrite them and set their purpose in stone<3 I'm excited!

As for the chapter itself, gods, I love the atmosphere. Just the wreckage of a sundered ship, and Madigan’s sudden madman appearance making a lasting impression on Spica, because how could it not. They no longer answer distress calls in that age, it just means more dead bodies. In fact, they're forbidden to. Madigan instead brings him what he himself lacks: hope. And a lot of crawling around while dreading the Beast's lambent eye opening, and oh my, the moments are really flying by😈👏 extreme fun for me as the writer.

Aberration of Light

If you remember, the books follow two timelines, which will connect at some point. The first and main one is Madigan and Spica’s story. The other is Holloway’s, in the distant past of that universe, and who’s been dubbed the most selfish man in existence. That’s important, because of how the Beast came to be. But that becomes important later. For now, a weird-ass new recruit has joined the ship, and the witchy crew will very soon start making bets if she’s the Beast in human flesh, which really wouldn’t bode well for their future.

Night Falls On Their Reflection

Draft 2 became Spica’s draft. It was high time. He didn't exist in the original idea beyond chapter 2, but he refused to die with his story untold. And now he's one of the most independent thinkers I've ever written. Now he's Madigan's son (yes, even at 25), best friend, back-to-back partner all in one, and I could watch the trust and mutual respect between these two forever. To be sure: Madigan comes up with the dumbass plans, and Spica's only too happy to follow him through everything (it is good fun.)

He's repaying the incredible kindness Madigan's shown him when answering his distress call, after all.

But it goes a bit further than that, doesn't it? Madigan is used to watching over myriad people. He's the Superintendent of his planet, and while he genuinely loves people, kindness is his default. It doesn't go further than that for him. He doesn't necessarily think people need, much less desire his presence there beyond Madigan extending help, and most of the time, he's content with that. Kindness does make him happy. And it should be the same with Spica now, shouldn't it? He's kind, but he's not Spica's family, nor ever will be. Yet he immediately feels a connection with the boy, that has nothing to do with bonding over escaping-a-cosmic-disaster. And so does Spica.

This is the moment when Madigan starts feeling guilty, for stepping where he should not. But here's the beauty of Spica's character: he's nothing if not dead sure of his own feelings, and what he sees with his eyes. It's okay if Madigan keeps unexpectedly taking steps back. For very long, there'd been nobody to support Spica's beliefs. So he does the same, as when he followed his heart to go into dead space: he believes in himself and Madigan, and that their paths aren't meant to diverge. They mean too much to each other for that to ever happen.

(In short, and legend says you can still hear me screeching about these two ten thousand years later, I love these two so much, and especially the parallels between Spica going alone into outer space and loving Madigan.)

(And, okay, obviously all these developments don't happen in a single chapter, but I couldn't stop gushing🤭🥰.)

Who Puts These Tombs in Ice

Overall, I think draft 2’s Luitgart performed worse than draft 1. Mainly it's the setting I want to revert (still an icy, sempiternally dark hell, but with different ice constructions) because some of the beats are a huge improvement, and again, I gotta combine the two. Otherwise, I’m still as obsessed about the Luitgart arc as I’ve ever been, and huge thanks to it for being so strong it could function as an ending of its own, allowing me to split the book.

Gettin’ into spoilery territory, but I have to un-kill Madigan so many times it leaves me in hysterics. That was what I was supposed to fix this draft. It got worse. Considerably.

(One constant: the chapter being a love letter to Madigan, and how his first answer will always be to help the other, no matter if they deserve it or not<3 and finally, finally, he gets acknowledged for it, and the favor returned.)

ACT 2

Lemon-Dotted Days + Remnant

Two Holloway chapters! I’m actually massively pleased with how they’ve turned out. Last year, I said the main issue was that I had an outline, and that never works for me. So I did what I do best and rewrote everything from scratch, and the result is both uncanny and… unexpected.

Unexpected, because I never in my life thought Holloway’s voice would make me laugh so much. He’s supposed to be unsympathetic, but then you get his interactions with Saintlark (the new crewmate, possibly Beast) where they’re contemplating the harvest of a nebula, and he’s harshly critical of it, which gives Saintlark hope… only to go deadpan One Moment Later: if they’d used the nebula to prolong their lives instead of bolstering the war, they wouldn’t have died like clown idiots. 

And, they could’ve maybe stolen immortality from the nebula. They would've had to share it with him, of course. Or he would've murdered them to get it.

That, my guys, is his personality in a nutshell.

I have a lot of feelings on Holloway now, and most involve me huffing and slapping my forehead while groaning, but oh my gods. Was it ever so fun. And wait, wait, wait. Since I'm talking of humor (apparently a lot of comedy fit into this horror lmfao) I have to show you guys the following section🤣🤣👏:

Corpse Snow

The drifters are set howling on the ice. They share glances, five separate vehicles nodding at each other. Madigan revs up the engine, splitting the air with a jet of steam and vibration.

The last of the marines are climbing into the box. A figure flashes past Madigan’s drifter — and he leans over, teeth grinding because of his ribs, and he does his very best to grab someone by the back of their suit and pull. Workout days were never his strength, though. He only succeeds in stopping them in the frost smoke.

It’s Spica dangling from his hand, expressionless.

Lieutenant Hahn instantly seizes on the situation. He throws Madigan a long, withering look. “Whatcha doing, Boss?” he asks softly, about to unhinge his jaw again.

Madigan nudges Spica into the drifter. “Picking up your boy.”

Spica gets the hint and deposits himself into the front seat, glancing from his father to his Superintendent. He seems to give up on whatever’s going on, and makes himself cozy in the frosty spot. And Madigan, of course, pretends not to notice Hahn’s drifter sliding closer.

“And you didn’t consider I might want to have my son with me?”

Madigan looks up and sighs. “Lieutenant, dear Lieutenant,” he starts pleadingly. “Why won’t you show some leniency to a poor, wounded man?”

Hahn’s drifter stops, summoning a breeze across the icy floor that gently rocks the other vehicle. His breathing distorts the comms with static. “And what exactly is my son right now?”

“My trusty navigator,” Madigan answers easily.

“Sir’s emotional walking stick?” Spica pipes in at the same time.

They both look over. Spica’s quietly turned to the navigation, as serene as daylight, seemingly oblivious to how Madigan's expression changes, lightning-fast. He quickly hides it under the guise of a polite mask, as the marines stir and turn their attention on them. They’re snickering.

Lieutenant Hahn throws up his hands, giving up on everything.

This is also the first 30k chapter I’ve ever written. It's everything I've ever wanted to do with ice.

Heart of the Void

The end of the book. Originally, it was the ending section to Corpse Snow, but since it already got so ungodly long, I chipped off that bit and I have to say I’m very happy with how it works as an epilogue! So it ends the frosty, weary journey, and I can’t see the two books as separate yet, but here we bid goodbye to the first.

Aberration of Sunlight♧♧♧

I did the unthinkable and created a fifth arc. This might not seem like much to you, but I was screaming bloody murder you guys😭😭😭. Sigh. It’s so sigh. For so long, AoS consisted of four clear-cut acts, but it was necessary. With the introduction of Sycamine, and making it two books, it was just needed. It’s still one of the worst things I’ve ever done because I was used to four😃💔

(The chapters continue from where RoaN left off – from chapter 10, to 21.)

ACT 3

Retro Spectrum

Sycamine, oh Sycamine. Definitely the break I needed before Days in Darkness. It made for a really neat beginning. It’s calmer, focusing on the knowledge they have on the Beast. It’s also a reflection on Procyon (their main star) and the story of the two straggler dog constellations, and what they'd been running away from. I liked the direction it took. It veered away from the Beast for a bit, so the tension kept expanding in the background. And when it returns, well... maybe they shouldn't have been so eager to see it again🤭.

It suffers from the same syndrome as draft 1’s first chapter… it’s there in the vicinity of the idea, but too much to the left. Not bad for a first attempt. The setting annoys me – I really don't enjoy writing cities, and AoS didn't change that. So, for our next try, I was thinking... maybe we don't need to be on the planet, but up close and veeery personal with it. It's a secret❤.

And, oh gods. I put a moustache-twirling villain in this. And then I couldn’t stop myself from naming some sucker Sweetman Calories. I don’t know what happened to me during those days, but I’m crying🤣🤣🤣.

Toast to the Light

Holloway and Saintlark’s story is slowly coming to an end. Unexpectedly bleaker than draft 1, yet it feels much more sincere. Holloway has a way of saying everything Saintlark needs to hear. No surprise. They did that to themselves.

Dissonant Recognition

Ahhhh, the Madigan-is-slowly-losing-his-grip-on-reality chapter, or maybe he should really stop staring into the suns. One of my favorites<3 Also because it features Moren (!!!) who has a blast staying in the grey morality area, because she doesn’t know if her actions could ever matter, or if she could change anything. Does she just exist? Is she a player or just pawn? Who knows. Besides that, she gets along great with Spica. They form such a teasing duo, the level of mutual respect they felt for each other on sight was a delight to write. My favorite ally of theirs, even if her destiny lies elsewhere.

Night Beneath the Elevator

Best title hands down, dethroning Solgesis. I’m going batshit crazy about the visuals, it's exactly my thing. This half-light slanted over an elevator waiting in a rundown basement to be boarded. And there's something underneath it, and always has been. Something insidiously creeping up and waving its tendril fingers at you as you're just waiting for the fucking thing to ascend. Immaculate, guys, I'm telling you, and I'm cursing my hands because I can't make a wallpaper of this. I want to eat that atmosphere.

Time-sensitive missions, y'all.

And why the heck did nobody inform me I was going to add Command as an actual character and have them talk with Madigan?! That entire convo, made up entirely on the spot but somehow with a direction, made me realize what an idiot I’d been for not doing it sooner. They mean so much to Madigan, after all.

(And Mariya. So much Mariya in these chapters.)

ACT 4

Loop System

Like Who Puts These Tombs in Ice, draft 1 might’ve done it better. Not Spica and Madigan, though, because of the sheer development Spica’s been through and the dynamic he’s managed to form with the crew. It's different from Madigan’s, but similar enough that it’s got Hahn commenting lightly: [Spica’s] picked up quite a few habits from Madigan, hasn’t he? Almost as if they’ve gotten very very close, huh? How about Madigan tell him more?

(I adore writing Hahn.)

Outreach

Another Holloway chapter. Doesn’t have the punch of the kids subplot from draft 1, but this just makes it worse for Saintlark personally, because, this time, the consequences are on her.

Days in Darkness

I knew the moment I first got the idea this would be my favorite chapter. Well, it finally happened in draft 2: when the entire crew is here, this time, and ready for the final countdown, to relive the experience of being trapped in a ship that's disintegrating. No more heroes left behind. I'd been so tired writing this chapter in draft 1, but this time around it was incredible. Everything went up sharply from here, both in terms of events and how on fire I was.

(Maybe less than the gorgon, but I was.)

ACT 5

Echo Terminal

The first of the two log chapters.

I've never written smoother, more visual chapters than in this period. Days in Darkness changed me so much, I was writing day and night by this point and couldn't get enough. Well, I hit my limit in the second half of the very last chapter, but I am beyond satisfied. Even the Beast's metamorphosis took me by storm, because I'd been wondering what the final verbs, the final images, the final design for it was going to be. I didn't expect it to come to me this early, and with such thrill. Those were my very best days of the year, and I toast to them.

(And I knew it was going to be fantastic when Halo's Warthog Run OST started blaring in my head, with as much adrenaline.)

Where, Now? + Solgesis

My beloved. The second and last of the two log chapters, but it’s Noelle Saintlark’s log.

Holloway’s timeline ends here. Or maybe it just gets carried into the future. I thought I’d want to rewrite his parts again, make the plot just a tiny bit more psychedelic and nonsensical because it’s so close to the Beast… but Solgesis put all my fears to rest. Even the formatting and layout is a bit of that special thing I’ve always wanted to try, and it really changes the perspective of the previous chapters. There's a new confession that stands at the heart of Holloway's stories.

Honestly, the only thing that needs urgent working on is the anger at the end of the chapter.

Anger is so hard for me to write sometimes. Not because I don’t connect with it, but because I feel self-conscious writing it. The wildest I felt it was when I tackled 'quiv's chapter 3 and Imera's Turning speech, both in quick succession (before I'd even written draft 1. I'd been taking notes.) Since then... I just thing back to how keenly I'd felt that anger, and I kind of intimidate myself out of it. Kind of like a natural resistence, I quench it from myself. Which is actually hilarious when you think about it. It’s like I’m going I BANISH THEE FROM MY BRAIN because generally, as a person, I dislike feeling and operating on anger. But no worries. I’m going to find a way around it.

Watch me😎.

What Goes Around…

(Now it’s the time for me to start crying some rivers, and, alright, it won’t be visible so I’ll say it: the chapter titles are holding a conversation, guys. They speak to each other. And sometimes it’s both sides of the same coin, like how What Goes Around (comes around) hints here. If you take two chapters, one from the beginning and one from the end (for example 1 and 21) it'll tell you a little secret. Okay, What Goes Around and Rain Through the Universe communicate through their plot, which I can’t spoil but of course it has to do with Madigan and Spica and how they first meet… but there is one title pair that does it best visibly. 

Lemon-Dotted Days and Days in Darkness.

And I hadn’t even planned this. All the parallels I wanted to draw… I feel like they built themselves, guys. They really did, and it makes me so wildly happy I don’t even know how to stop my hands from flailing.

And, with them being 21 chapters, they meet in the middle, on the one unpaired chapter.

Called Toast to the Light.

I friggin’ love everything.

New Sunrise, Forget-Me-Right

Of course, Forget-Me-Right is a play on Scorpion Grass. But it’s also such a gentle name for the chapter, because everything ends here. Lying on their backs, staring out into the universe, and it really, really is over. Just a dark horizon on which stars flare and bloom. And suddenly, that maddened rush to make every sacrifice count, to remember every soul they’ve encountered because the legend says the Beast absorbs you when it kills you – all that suffocating pressure dissipates. Lightness remains. Because they’ve protected each other.

For the first time in my writing journey, blood rushed to my head with such emotion I had to stop writing, which never happens. I had to look up and exclaim, holy fuck. But how could I not, considering how the story ends for the Beast? I am speechless. A lot of gorgeous surprises this draft.

Conclusion□●□

Whew, what a year it's been! As for how 2024 will probably look like, though I don't like making plans: finishing the beta stage for 'quiv, and tackling RoaN and AoS's draft 3. Thaaaat one I'm actually starting on Christmas, when I can (finally!!) reread draft 2 with my mug of hot cocoa (or maybe mulled wine for a change) and, no surprises here, I'm hyper stoked for that<3 <3 <3 I legit can't wait to see where the new draft brings them. I might not have set any expectations for them, but they're vying to keep up with 'quiv and I adore it🤭❤

As for my lovely friends... well, you know by how I spam your tags how much I adore you and wish you happiness forever🤩🥺🥳 I don't know what my activity will look like in the near future, so for now I won't be saying anything, and my semi-hiatus continues. Semi, because you're unforgettable and I crave to see what everyone's been up to and (!!!!) what you've written!

So let's meet in 2024 again, and all the best wishes to you, the reader🥰🥂❤.

[feelingbloo]

doing this all at once because im fasting and need a distraction... this shit be getting personal lmao

day 1: your stats

currently 82.2lbs as of writing

day 2: how tall are you, do you like your height?

im 4'10, no not really! definitely doesnt help my bmi out at all, lmao. id prefer to be around 5'4.

day 3: a picture of your thinspiration. what features do you like about this person?

most thinspo kinda rolls off my back and doesnt affect me, so i dont really look at it. blessing and a curse.

day 4: your greatest fear about weight loss

i only have one fear, and its my partner. she (not so subtly) compares herself to me and uses me as thinspo, and i know losing weight will only make this problem worse.

day 5: why do you really want to lose weight? are you doing it for you?

im not sure if theres a real reason anymore. everything i can think of is something that occurred after the disordered eating started, so i dont know what truly drives me. id say im doing it for myself because theres nobody else i would do it for.

day 6: do you binge? if so, explain why you think you do

of course, definitely. most times its due to an emotion, i think ive always used food as a comfort in that way.

day 7: do your parents know you are trying to lose weight? do they care?

they dont, i never told them and they havent found out. i assume my mom would care, my father sorta shuts himself off so i dont know if hed be mad about it or what.

day 8: your workout routine

im physically disabled from an unknown myopathy (my body doesnt produce enough muscle) so everything is a workout to me lmao. i generally walk around for 4-ish hours a day, since i cant quite manage anything else.

day 9: did anyone ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?

no, only my eating habits. i was often told that i ate so much i mustve had a tapeworm, and most of what i eat is "junk food" due to sensory issues.

day 10: what was the hardest thing you gave up during this weight loss?

dude, i fucking miss the liquid calories! in past restriction phases i refused to count liquid cals, and i definitely still lost weight, but not as fast as i would have liked. ive started counting them and ughhhhh.

i didnt cut them out completely, so i still have creamer in my coffee and the occasional soda, but i want my milkshake goddamnit 😭

day 11: your favorite thinspo blog and why

same answer as day 3.

day 12: what do you normally eat?

for main meals i usually have tuna on toast, egg salad sandwiches, cream cheese bagels, ham sandwiches/ham bagels, grilled cheeses, basically just carb + animal product. if we order out its either a cheeseburger or fried rice.

for sides/snacks/small meals i like string cheese, pickles, mini candies, lollipops, pepperoni, if theres any sweets in the house i have some of that.

its a wonder that i even lose weight on this lmao. but OMAD and counting cals is what makes it possible.

day 13: are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

i dont think ive ever seen someone answer this with the former option. we're all doing this unhealthily on this side of tumblr.

day 14: whats your UGW? when do you expect to reach it?

ooh, tough one. it seems like everyone has a set UGW but i dont. i feel most compelled towards the number 73lbs, which is the bmi of my LW (15.3). i dont think that bmi is low enough for me though, i'll figure out when i get there.

ive gotten close to that weight a couple times, but ultimately something always happens and i emotionally binge or whatever. no clue about timing.

day 15: are you vegan or vegetarian? if so, has this helped you lose weight? if not, would you consider turning vegan or vegetarian?

ive had lengths of time where ive been pescetarian (vegetarian + fish), it never helped me lose weight.

at this time in my life im not able to limit my diet to that degree, but i heavily support the lifestyle for ethical and environmental reasons. if i move out id likely try veganism.

day 16: when did you first decide to lose weight?

i began obsessively weighing myself at 7, and started to learn purging around 9/10. it wasnt ever something i was serious about, but at 12 i discovered the online ana community andddd... it really just brought out that part of me. so id say 12 is where it officially began, but ive had it in me since 7.

day 17: do you have an eating disorder?

never officially diagnosed but i dont think most people here are. yes, anorexia nervosa.

day 18: what food is your weakness?

i dont restrict what type of food i eat, as long as its under my limit. but my real weakness is food other people give me... i cant resist it regardless of the calories and it makes me feel so dumb. they dont even have to be in the room! it could just be takeout, they dont even have to be the one to cook it!

day 19: when is the last time you ate fast food?

i cant even remember, i almost never eat it since i dont like it. the grease and the oils coat my mouth and throat and it feels so disgusting.

taco bell cinnamon twists are bomb though.

day 20: favorite diet?

the special k diet is funny (literally just eat special k) but i always lose a lot of weight when i do cereal-based diets like that.

day 21: what are your clothing sizes?

ehhhh,,, i dont wear fitting clothes and everything is baggy, do usually womens small or sometimes xs.

my measurements are quite small (26bust, 23waist, 28hip IIRC?) so im below a 00 in most charts ive seen. unfortunately thats just my general size due to my height, im not as thin as people imagine from that by any means.

day 22: what was your lowest weight? when and how did you gain?

73lbs at 12, my height didnt change since then lmao. i experienced some trauma right after getting to that weight, which led to me binging myself back up to 90lbs.

day 23: did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

i think it was more personal experiences rather than the media, however the media likely did contribute once i had already established my disordered eating.

day 24: how do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia

it depends on the context. in the original meaning, it just meant a space where you could discuss your disorder without actively working towards recovery. i support that heavily.

nowadays, where it usually means people promoting ana/mia as some pretty dainty "lifestyle", fucking ew. what is wrong with you people. i understand wanting to romanticize your disorder (and find others who do the same), but i draw the line at genuinely thinking that disordered eating makes you "better" than others, or whatever bullshit they try to say.

day 25: have you ever purged? if so, describe your first experience.

i have purged in the past, but due to my disability (day 8) i typically cant vomit anymore no matter what i try. the muscle just isnt strong enough anymore to contract that violently.

first experience was harrowing lmao, i had had a bowl of instant ramen and was hallucinating as i was purging it. everything else was so distracting, i dont really remember anything about the actual purging itself.

day 26: what excites you most about reaching your UGW?

the first time i got to my LW, i just remember feeling so giddy and proud and i want that again and again.

day 27: how do you deal with being around food?

if i eat it, im not longer around it... i just have zero self control.

day 28: do you want that gap between your legs? why?

i guess so. its something a lot of people are envious of, and i knew i was happy when i had it in the past.

day 29: your definition of beauty.

this is going to sound "wrong" from an anorexic person, but chubby people. i dont have a fetish for it, i have slept with average people without problem, but i dont think i could date someone who wasnt at least bmi 23... ive found that bmi 25-27 is the sweet spot though.

i just think theres something so attractive about it regardless of gender. like hell yeah thick arms and round stomachs and back rolls. fuck yeah.

day 30: 10 facts about you! and now, what are your stats?

oh god what is this, an interrogation? not saying stats since im doing this in one go.

i draw (hobbyist, nowhere near professional)

i collect animal bones and general knick knacks

garfield and miku are my favorite characters

i tap on everything

i wanted to be a veterinarian as a kid

favorite animals are polar bears and hammerheads

my grandmother wanted me to be named tapestry (what??)

i have dyscalculia

i enjoy making cookies

i can barely whistle

[earthling-wolf]

Marrow's Character Glossary

Official Temptation's Ballad's Character Glossary by Shirokoi

Marrow Bonebreaker

Species: Striped Hyena

Age: 45 Years

Profession: Mercenary Captain

Multiclass: Barbarian (Path of the Berserker) and ???

Stats

STRENGTH: 20 (+5)

DEXTERITY: 15 (+2)

CONSTITUTION: 18 (+4)

INTELLIGENCE: 10 (0)

WISDOM: 9 (-1)

CHARISMA: 14 (+2)

Background

"The coward's rage burns bright and blind."

Marrow Bonebreaber is a legend among the city of Axia for his horrific history of destroying property (owned mostly by nobles), holding hostages (of noble's assets in exchange for better city infrastructure), and inspiring fear across the land (in nobles).

After wrecking an amount of destruction that even the royal family could not ignore, his merry crew of mercenaries finally settled down after city officials gave in to all their demands (and also pardoned the Bonebreakers of all their crimes).

Nowadays, he and his partner Hamish lead the Bonebreaker Mercenary Guild in a honest living of mercenary work in the city of Axia.

The origins of this famous warrior is shrouded in rumor and mystery.

Some claim that he was a child raised by feral animals in the wilderness of the Exterior, while others say that he was a noble himself who ran away from home in rebellion.

Marrow alleges during an interview that he popped into existence through sheer willpower and spite.

When his partner, Hamish, was asked to confirm this statement, he simply rolled his eyes and asked the interviewer to cough up their publicity payment.

Items:

Vox Soror (Great Axe)

The signature weapon of Marrow Bonebreaker, this great axe sports a massive blade that shimmers as dark as midnight.

Crafted by the disgraced blacksmith, Clyde Bessemer, this axe features the finest and sharpest damascus steel in the land and possesses the ability to neutralize magic at the slightest touch.

Quite fitting for a barbarian who holds magic in great contempt.

Marrow named this masterwork axe "Vox Soror", or roughly translated, "Sister's Voice".

"It helps me cut through all the bullshit in my life," Marrow Bonebreaker asserts with a grin.

The interviewer notes that there was a bittersweet edge to the warrior's voice as he spoke.

Glass Eye

Fans and admirers across the city have frequently offered to craft stylish eyepatches for Marrow, all of whom he had declined.

His missing eye was a product of his mistakes and misplaced loyalty, and he chooses to wear his glass eye proudly as a reminder of what truly matters.

Upon close examination, the scar tissue around his eye indicate that the injury was caused by a magical source.

[chorusfm]

Liner Notes (January 20th, 2024)

This week’s newsletter looks at Green Day’s new album and sprinkles in some other thoughts on the music and entertainment I spent time with last week. This week’s supporter Q&A post can be found here. If you’d like this newsletter delivered to your inbox each week (it’s free and available to everyone), you can sign up here. A Few Things * I (for obvious reasons) enjoyed this article from Joan Westenberg arguing that forums have some real benefits over places like Slack/Discord. I continue to like our community and how it looks/works over any other online platform I’ve played around with. * I saw some sad news this week. Former AbsolutePunk writer Tony Pascarella passed away. Tony wrote some of my favorite reviews back in the day, and I’ll remember him for never being afraid to tackle a takedown of a popular artist. Rest in peace. * I asked Alexa about the weather this morning. It gave me the weather and asked if I wanted headlines for the upcoming NFL games. Has anyone written the definitive piece on what went wrong with this product? Every “did you know…?” prompt makes me want to throw this thing through a window. In Case You Missed It * Paramore Cancel Festival Appearances * Sum 41 Announce Final World Tour * Green Day to Play ‘American Idiot’ and ‘Dookie’ on Tour * Graduation Speech – “No Confidence” (Song Premiere) * All the Billion Things * The Spill Canvas Announce New Tour * Finch Post-Up Teaser * Chorus. fm’s Top 30 Albums of 2023 * Yellowcard Announce New Collaboration Album * Albums in Stores – Jan 19th, 2024 Music Thoughts * This week’s big release is Green Day’s Saviors. I think it’s a wonderful return to form after quite a few years of the band wandering in the wilderness with mediocre songs (and the straight up unlistenable last album). It’s an album that embraces the best parts of the band and has some of Billie’s most inspired songwriting since American Idiot. Highlights for me are “Goodnight Adeline,” “Dilemma,” and “Living in the ’20s.” There’s an awesome energy to “Living in the ’20s” that I didn’t think the band had in them anymore. There’s still a few duds (the last three songs drag a little, and the chorus to “Coma City” bugs me), and the album feels its length at 15 songs, but as a whole, I’m extremely happy to have a new Green Day album that I thoroughly enjoy. I’m still holding out hope that the band could do a whole album of songs like “Goodnight Adeline,” “Corvette Summer,” and “Suzie Chapstick” that would feel like a spiritual successor to Warning — a great start to the music year. * The new Strung Out song has me buzzing. Quickly climbing my most anticipated chart. * I like the new Taylor Acorn single; I hope to see a full length this year. * The rest of my week was spent rediscovering MxPx’s Secret Weapon, doing an Alkaline Trio discography run, and sprinkling in some old school Bad Religion at the gym. The Stats: Over the past week, I listened to 25 different artists, 46 different albums, and 459 different tracks (581 scrobbles). Here is my Top 9 from last week, and you can follow me on Apple Music and/or Last.fm. Entertainment Thoughts * I loved Ms. Marvel (the TV show). I liked Captain Marvel. Adore both actresses. And I still thought The Marvels was a total mess. It felt like four scripts badly edited together. It was cut extremely weird, made little sense, and the story’s core was boring. It’s been a long time since I walked away from a Marvel movie excited. * Self Reliance was completely fine. * I’ve been keeping up with my goal to read more in 2024. Of the things I’ve read over the first few weeks, I liked Small Mercies by Dennis Lehane the best. I also finally read Travis Barker’s book. I’d give that a solid 2.5 stars. 2.5 is also the number of pages Travis can apparently go without mentioning how many women he’s slept with. There are some good Blink-182 tidbits throughout, and I would have loved more of a dive into the recording of those albums,… https://chorus.fm/features/articles/liner-notes-january-20th-2024/

[thecreaturecodex]

Rooftop Prowler

Image © Kenzer and Co, by Anthony Carpenter

[I love me an urban predator, so the rooftop prowler was right up my alley. They first appeared in Kingdoms of Kalamar: Denizens of Tellene, where the stats were somewhat strange. Despite their total lack of magical abilities and relatively mundane anatomy (they’re all mammal), they were classified as aberrations, and given an Intelligence of 13 that the flavor text really didn’t reflect. Their flavor text was also pretty gross, namely that all reproduction in the species was the product of rape, and that childbirth was universally fatal for the mother. This weirdly misogynistic background was kept in the Hackmaster conversion, but there’s no need for that, so I cut it entirely. I also went ahead and gave them some minor magical abilities, to make the stat block more unique.]

Rooftop Prowler CR 5 CN Magical Beast This creature has a lean, panther like body, and its head looks like a cross between a man’s and a bat’s. It has large ears, a nose leaf, and rows of sharp teeth. All four of its legs end in clawed toes as flexible as a man’s fingers.

Rooftop prowlers are predators of cliffs and caves that have made themselves at home in the urban jungle. They think and hunt three dimensionally, clambering down ledges, along roofs and squeezing down alleys in search of prey. They are highly active creatures and prefer fattier meals—merchants and the wealthy classes are often their targets, leading some of their attacks to be mistaken for revenge killings or a serial murderer. They will also happily hunt non-sapient prey if it is available, and rats, dogs, cats and especially pigs are all components of their diet.

Rooftop prowlers attack from ambush. They are usually solitary hunters—on occasion two siblings will share a territory, but for the most part they repel attempts of other prowlers to enter their hunting grounds. They strike from above, leaping down onto prey and biting and clawing it rapidly to death. Their senses are keen and bat-like, and they are adept at detecting those that would try to counter-ambush them with a baited trap. Most rooftop prowlers are more skittish than determined, and retreat and hide if they find a potential meal puts up a strong fight.

Rooftop prowlers call themselves “kurra”. They are mostly asocial among each other except during mating and child care, in part because of the difficulties of finding ample prey in a city. There is little sexual dimorphism among kurra. A pregnant kurra relies on her mate to hunt for both of them during the time, and she always gives births to twins. Rooftop prowlers raise their young until they are strong enough to hunt on their own, whereupon they are chased from their home territory and must find new hunting grounds. Rooftop prowlers compete for territory with gargoyles, and where the two species overlap, the gargoyles nearly always win because the kurras’ claws and teeth cannot penetrate their stony hides.

Rooftop Prowler    CR 5 XP 1,600 CN Medium magical beast Init +4; Senses blindsight 40 ft., darkvision 60 ft., Perception +6 Defense AC 18, touch 14, flat-footed 18 (+4 Dex, +4 natural) hp 47 (5d10+20) Fort +8, Ref +8, Will +3 Defensive Abilities uncanny dodge Offense Speed 40 ft., climb 30 ft. Melee bite +9 (2d4+2), 2 claws +9 (1d6+2 plus grab) Special Attacks pounce, rake (2 claws +9, 1d6+2) Statistics Str 15, Dex 19, Con 19, Int 8, Wis 14, Cha 8 Base Atk +5; CMB +9 (+13 grappling); CMD 21 (25 vs. trip) Feats Agile Maneuvers, Stealthy, Weapon Finesse Skills Acrobatics +12 (+16 when jumping), Climb +18, Escape Artist +7, Perception +6, Stealth +14; Racial Modifiers +4 Acrobatics, +4 Climb, +4 Stealth Languages Terran SQ catfall, master leaper, scentless Ecology Environment urban and underground Organization solitary or pair Treasure none Special Abilities Catfall (Su) A rooftop prowler ignores the first forty feet fallen for purposes of taking falling damage. Whether it takes damage or not, a rooftop prowler always lands on its feet. Master Leaper (Ex) A rooftop prowler takes no penalty to Acrobatics checks made to jump without a running start. If it does get a running start, it doubles the distance traveled. Scentless (Su) A rooftop prowler has no scent. It cannot be tracked or detected by scent. Pungent odors from outside sources can impart a scent to a rooftop prowler until they are cleaned off.

[ferraii2]

im bored...

1. stats:

H: 164cm, hw: 53kg?, cw: 50kg, gw1: 48kg, gw2: 45kg, ugw: 42kg

2. height and do i like it?

164cm. im happy with my height but not my bone structure. it doesnt fit me well.

3. fav thinspo and why

her arms, legs, upper body... shes so tiny.

4. greatest fear about weightloss

eventually gaining back all the weight ive lost.

5. why do i wanna lose weight?

because i think im ugly. i feel like if i lose weight, i'll atleast have something about me that is beautiful and/or desireable.

6. do i binge? if so, why?

binge as in emotional eating? no, i dont, luckily.

7. do my parents know that im tryna lose weight? do they care?

they dont know but even if they did, i dont think they'd have a problem with it or prevent me from working out and losing weight. but when it comes to eating less, they, especially my mom, will definitely not leave me alone.

8. my workout routine

unfortunately, i dont workout regularly. i only do it when i feel like i overate, but then also only a little, light workout from youtube.

9. did anyone ever comment my weight negatively?

yeah, many times by nearly everyone. especially my sister as she has an eating disorder along with anger-issues. she always used to attack me for my weight when i was a (chubby) kid (keep in mind she is 12yrs elder than me).

10. the hardest thing i gave up during weightloss?

nothing until now!

11. my fav thinspo blog and why?

my own blog which got deleted a few days ago lol. it was my fav thinspo blog obviously cause i reblogged everything that i liked the most.

12. what do i normally eat?

i eat whatever i want as long as its below my calorie limit. that includes fast food, anything my mom cooks, proteins, etc

13. am i losing weight in a healthy or an unhealthy way?

healthy i believe. i mean, i allow myself to go up to 1100 calories a day, sometimes even 1200. i dont starve because i know that it has no benefit whatsoever.

14. whats my ugw and when do i expect to reach it?

my ugw is 42kg, thats a total weightloss of 8kg. i wish to lose it by march, basically in about 2⅔ months.

15. am i a vegan/vegetarian and would i consider becoming one?

no, not for weightloss purposes nor moral reasons. meat and milk products contain a lot of vitamins which i wouldnt want to give up!

16. when did i first decided to lose weight?

when i was 12. and i did lose weight succesfully (from 53kg to 46-47kg)

17. do i have an eating disorder?

luckily i dont.

18. what food is my weakness?

easy, cheese cake... i could eat a whole cake on my own.

19. when was the last time i ate fast food?

today, actually. i only ate sweets today.

20. fav diet?

eating-below-1100cals-and-work-out

21. what are my clothing sizes?

european sizes: my pants are 36 and my clothes also 36 i believe, not sure.

22. what was my lowest weight and how and why did i gain?

my lowest was about 47kg 3yrs ago. i gained due to puberty/growth and food, obviously.

23. did media play a role in wanting to lose weight?

i dont think so, atleast not consciously. i barely know any celebrities and all the women i see on the internet are thicc.

24. how do i feel about the term "proana/mia"?

"pro" is definitely disturbing to me. its like saying "pro suicide".

25. have i ever purged?

nope.

26. what excites me most about reaching my ugw?

wearing smaller sized clothes, having sticky legs that dont touch, constantly looking delicate, being treated more nicely, being taken care of, no insults on my weight by anyone ever again, jealous looks of other girls, not feeling ashamed to undress in front of somebody else, not being scared to get intimate with somebody, etc etc...

27. how do i deal with being around food?

when im really hungry or have high appetite, i'll probably eat some of it. if i dont, i just ignore the food.

28. do i want a thigh gap and why?

i do, because i find it aesthetically pleasing.

29. my definition of beauty?

a kind, honest, polite and respectful nature.

30. ten facts about me:

i'm 16 years old.

i am practically religious (muslim).

i developed an obsession for mukbangs over the past few years.

im extremely shy and awkward in real life.

i love animals but im afraid of them in real life (literally every animal... even birds or cats).

i cant eat meat off of the bone (e.g. drumsticks). it just disgusts me.

i actively try to improve my character.

i have a naturally athletic and fit body.

i live in germany.

im addicted to chocolate and other sweets, i need them nearly every day

if you actually read all of this, ily and wish you all the best 😙

[darkvioletuniverse]

On music

Music is one of my greatest passions alongside with movies. I don't talk often about it here but this may change, I hope my followers don't mind. Anyway, I want to share some thoughts about what we're all talking about since last week.

Måneskins of course, who are this close to becoming a global phenomenon and we are all happy (and horny) for them, but I don't know if the younger people around here can truly realize the impact this may have on the music scene. Or why it's so important that they exist.

So

-Imagine growing up in a context that revered the gods of rock, and since I'm Italian, a certain kind of Italian songwriters. Imagine that your very first musical memories have Bowie in them, together with Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Who etc. Imagine to be woken up on sunday mornings by De Andrè's poetry, or by Morricone's notes.

-Then imagine being a teenager disgustingly spoiled by a pop of the highest quality and creativity, like Michael Jackson and Madonna, going to school when one day a Queen's album came out, the next day a REM's one, then the Smashing Pumpkins came, and U2 gave life to the greatest rock and roll show on earth. In the meantime, as if nothing, Nirvana brought us grunge. The list was long enough that we literally didn't have enough money to buy it all.

-Finally, imagine entering a dark tunnel of 15/20 years, where twerking passes for transgression, autotune for talent. Where pop is an empy shell of itself, rock is agonizing (with a few exceptions) and the only way to avoid trappers is to turn everything off. For me, it all started with the first boy bands, but I'll maybe dwell on this another time. The point is, we have been forced to live on the legacy of a past that was glorious, but still, well, in the past. We had a few big names who have fortunately kept making their, and our, music, but how long since we last had new energies?

Then out of the blue, or maybe not, depending on where you are, 4 perfect strangers arrived, and damn, they know how to write, and they know how to sing, and they know how to perform. And yes, they're not that original, glam rock existed way before the Måneskins were born, and our grandmas had to deal with their own horny jails even before that. It's not like Robert Plant didn't mimic an orgasm invoking his very male guitarist name on stage after all. So what? Let Måneskin have their role models like any young people, and artis of any age, do.

The point is, we rock fans have some hope now that their success will work as a long overdue wake-up call for all the labels, the radios and TVs. Maybe now discographics will know that they need to stop pursuing commercial success at all costs, that they have to give people a quality product, not one that's easy to consume and easier to forget. They need to be reminded that what it takes to make music is talent, not a laptop. Be it movies or music, producers like to play it safe, they don't want to invest, then they cry over the stats and complain that it's YouTube's fault if they don't sell shit. They should know now that if people don't buy a certain kind of music it's because it's literally not on the market. Or at least it's hard to find. Hopefully, they'll also not try to turn the Måneskin into another boring ass pop group or else many of us may choose violence.

Well, let's hope that this Renaissance of rock will be lasting and authentic, because we, of the old guard (!) have been spoiled and we want more, while the new generations often don't even know what they've been missing, which is so so unfair!

[lightns881]

DTeam Tumblr Demographics Survey Results (Part 2):

What does DTeamblr look like, what does it have to do with MCYT history, and why does it look like a rainbow?

I’ll make an educated guess here and say y'all enjoyed my last post (totally unrelated to the way I gained almost 50 followers overnight). Anyhow, thank you so much for the overwhelming support! I’m so glad a lot of you felt you could relate to my deep-dive into the leading personality type on DTeam Tumblr. It took me so many hours to write and research, and as a math major and honors student, it’s no easy feat, so I’m so grateful for the attention it got!

Today we’re discussing the general demographics of DTeam Tumblr and why they might look the way they do. Number 8 will blow your mind! So make sure to keep reading and hit that little grey heart and arrow at the bottom if you like it, so more people get to see it! Thanks for your support! Now, let’s jump straight into the post!

Your Daily Dose of Data

From the 449 responses we received, these are some pie charts displaying the gender, age, and sexuality of all respondents.

Image Description: Female (52.8%), Non-Binary (37.4%), Male (9.8%)

Image Description: 16-17 (37%), 13-15 (31.4%), 18 and over (29.4%), 12 and under (2.2%)

Image Description: Bisexual/Pansexual (54.1%), Homosexual (16%), Asexual (14.7%), Other (7.8%), Heterosexual (7.3%)

Mmhm, delicious! Y'all ready to dig into these stats? Because I don’t know about you, but they certainly don’t strike me as what the general population looks like!

Welcome to Tumblr, the Only Community Where Straight Men are the Minority

So these statistics certainly didn’t take me by surprise. Mostly because the DNF Shipper Survey I took some time ago revealed a similar trend. Not to mention, Tumblr is probably the QUEEREST internet community on the planet. 

Funny enough, the survey revealed a shocking number of ZERO heterosexual males respondents. I’ll say it louder for the people in the back. ZERO straight males were recorded out of 449 respondents for this survey!

Now, this isn’t surprising for the Tumblr community by itself, but I can say I’m somewhat surprised in terms of the MCYT Tumblr community. (Obviously, the survey specified DTeam Tumblr, but there is a big overlap between both communities, so I will be using them interchengably when it seems relevant.)

Let’s break this down. The survey reveals the largest age population is 16-17, though it’s not by a great margin in comparison to 13-15 and 18 and older, which doesn’t surprise me either. Some of the major critics of the DTeam Fandom and other MCYT Fandoms love to claim the fanbase’s majority age range lies with children and pre-teens. While it’s an undeniable fact children are drawn to Minecraft, it’s also a misconception to paint it as solely a community for younger viewers.

In the MCYT Tumblr and DTeam Tumblr communities, specifically, we see this is not the case. Only 1/3 of the respondents of this survey are under the age of 16 (you could attribute part of it to the fact younger people might be less inclined to participate in this survey, but it is still a notable difference). I can’t say these age ranges are similar in other parts of the community like DTeam Twitter, Tik Tok, or Reddit, but if I had to make a guess, I’d say Tumblr lies toward the older of the bunch, with Reddit being the oldest and Tik Tok being the youngest (I do hope to perform this survey on some of the other communities, so please stay until the end if you want to help with that).

One of the likely explanations to why the ages for DTeam Tumblr look this way is the fact a big chunk of the community has likely been watching MCYT for a long time (even with breaks in between). I, myself, used to watch channels like PopularMMOs, Aphmau, and PrestonPlayz as a kid, and I presume many of you are familiar with them as well. With the resurgence of MCYT in the past year, it likely drew a lot of the older viewers in addition to the new ones.

But enough about age. What I really want to highlight on this post is the attraction of queer individuals to DTeam Tumblr and MCYT as a whole.

Why is the current MCYT Fandom so queer in comparison to the previous generations?

This is a huge open-ended question and considering I can only capture so much of the DTeam and MCYT community, the rest of this post should be taken solely as a theoretical analysis as opposed to fact.

With that out of the way, let’s start by discussing the shift MCYT has undergone over the years (I promise this will circle back to the question of queerness in the MCYT fandom, but we need some background before we can come up with a decent theory).

When Minecraft was first released, it proved to be a monumental change in the gaming industry. This simple little indie game took the world by storm. It was so vastly different from what the general population generally viewed gaming as (first-person shooters, story-driven games, action games, etc.) Not to mention, it didn’t exactly solely appeal to only a small margin of gamers, those being white cis males.

The gaming industry has notoriously been known in the past for its heteronormative community and general prejudice toward minorities. Though it has gone through a significant change over the decades, we certainly can’t say it’s fully gone.

Yet for whatever reason, the recent MCYT has taken the interest of so many queer people in comparison to other gaming YouTube communities. Why? Why are queer people so drawn to this community? And, more precisely, why does it feel so different than the old MCYT? Lastly, how does this relate to the conclusion about the leading personalities of this fandom we made in the last post?

The Niche Communities of MCYT Over the Years

MCYT has always been a huge, over-saturated genre of YouTube with content appealing to a variety of audiences. It’s dominated gaming content for years, and I think we can all safely say it’s never been bigger than it is today.

So why is it that just now it feels like the queerness of the fandom is popping off? Why now as opposed to say five years ago when MCYT was at another one of it’s strongest stages?

It seems like the community has made a tremendous shift in relation to breaking gender norms and LGBTQ+ subjects, not only in the fans but within the creators themselves. Was flirting and calling a pretty-boy streamer pet names as normal in the past as it is today? Were straight gamer guys putting on dresses and a full-face of make-up as supported back then? Were “marriages” and “pregnancies” within Minecraft boys an everyday occurrence like they are now? How is it that MCYT has dominated a Twitch dating show where flirting with the gay host and among straight contestants themselves is just another bit of entertainment? Where is this all coming from?

Recently, I watched a 2 hour documentary depicting all of the stages of Minecraft YouTube and how it has changed over the years. If you haven’t seen it and you have some time to spare, I HIGHLY recommend it! It’s very informative, and it honestly gave me such a strong sense of nostalgia that makes me choke up every time I think about it. I’ll link it below.

The documentary does a great job at exploring the different niche communities that dominated MCYT since it first took off. Some of such communities include the basic Let’s Players, the team-based Let’s Play channels like How2Minecraft, the roleplay story-centric ones like Aphmau and Samgladiator, the tutorial, building and technical side like Mumbo and Grian, the PVP-centric Bedwars or Hypixel channels, the Machinima community, the comedy side like ExplosiveTNT, the parody music videos, and so many more. All of the mentioned communities have dominated Minecraft at one point or another, many of them still having a rippling effect and/or a loyal community today. All of these communities have certain aspects that define them, some of which parallel the current overtaking content in the present.

How can we compare MyStreet to the Dream SMP?

Taking Aphmau as an example, her MyStreet series had a TREMENDOUS success a few years ago, racking in millions of views and bringing in a lot of money that eventually allowed her to hire voice actors and increase the production of mentioned episodes. The roleplay series was so successful it ran for six seasons!

Now, let’s compare that to the Dream SMP. It seems like a big comparison to be making considering they appear so different at first glance. For once, Aphmau is just one channel whose audience caters toward girls and younger people who enjoy romance. The series is set-up in an episodic-format that resembles more of a TV series than actual Minecraft videos.

Meanwhile, the Dream SMP is a collection of content creators with a mix of improvised storylines and the occasional regular video that resembles more of a Let’s Play series than a RP series.

You could say the only true comparisons to draw out of these two are the popularity they had/have and the profit they brought to their respective creators. 

However, there’s two other key similarities that you’ll find not only within these two specific examples, but many other channels and communities as well. Story and characters.

MyStreet’s story aspect is fairly obvious seeing as it’s a episodic series that focuses on a fictional story. The Dream SMP’s story aspect isn’t as clear, but it’s evident there is a story playing out in the foreground and background, whether intentional or unintentional, or improvised or not.

Character is where some of you might start to question me. It’s obvious MyStreet has characters. I mean, it is a fictional story, after all. But the Dream SMP? Light, they’re obviously people!

Well, my answer to that is yes and no--sort of. The Dream SMP’s story heavily relies on roleplay, bits as you might call them. Events that aren’t necessarily planned out as a fictional plot like the typical MyStreet episode is, but they aren’t exactly real. Schlatt is obviously not a villain in real life, he just likes to impersonate as one for the narrative. Wilbur isn’t crazy, but it’s a way to spice up the heroic story surrounding Tommy and him.

It’s video-game improv. Except the actors behind the content just so happen to be real people playing off the personalities and “brands” they have obtained. 

Brands. It all boils down to this. In the entertainment business, without a clear vision of your project and a clear way to brand what your consumer intakes, your project will likely not find a lot of success.

There’s a reason why Tommy plays off his loudness, using an overexaggerated laugh that although may not be completely fake, it is likely not the laugh he uses everyday. Or why BadBoyHalo is this supposed innocent muffin who doesn’t understand the crafting table meme and other references that are fairly easy to google and find the meaning of. Or why Sapnap is this chaotic being who loves starting pet wars and we love to paint as an arsonist in the Dream SMP. While all of these personality traits may be a part of their true selves, they’re played up for the camera--for the story. They act as the personas that define their characters in the narrative.

They have a clear brand and vision that appeals to the audience and makes them tune in on the daily to see how they all come together. It’s like roleplaying a more extreme version of yourself, one that brings home the money.

Story and characters run across every entertainment outlet. They define their brand. Aphmau has her characters and series. Hermitcraft has a set of memorable personalities and episodic videos that formulate its own story that is less like a narrative and more of a history of the server. ExplodingTNT has his recurring cast and comedic sketches. Most of these niche communities have a form of story and character defining them. It’s how they achieve a clear sense of branding and cater to a specific audience.

Queer Theory in MCYT

Having said all that, why does the MCYT of today draw in so many queer viewers?

Let’s think about this. In my last post, I ended by mentioning DTeam Tumblr is a sort of safe haven for INFP and INxx types who might be placed in the “other” category by society. INFPs, specially, are predisposed for escapism--one common form of it being fiction and entertainment. Not to mention, INFPs are feeling types who, as introverts, seek a personable connection. It’s why it’s so easy for them to obsess over book characters or fall in love with content creators.

Now, let’s imagine a whole community of LGBTQ+ INFP and INxx types. Actually, scratch that, we don’t even have to imagine it.

It’s what our community looks like today.

And why are so many so drawn to the DTeam and Dream SMP of all things? It’s a personable storyline that essentially forms a direct tie to the viewer. Unlike pre-recorded fictional TV series you tune into on your device, the Dream SMP is a whole load of chaos that blurs the lines between reality and fiction where fans can directly connect to creators and get to know them as people through a storyline that features sub-textual queer themes and non-conforming behaviors.

The MCYT content creator community of today is more non-conforming than ever before, and knowing this whole fact, knowing that many of them might place themselves in the “other” category or at the very least aren’t afraid to break the norms and be seen in that light, is a comfort in itself for LGBTQ+ INFP types. Once again, it’s a safe space that helps you escape from the troubles of real life, one you relate to.

Okay. So although this does answer why the fans look like they do, what about the creators themselves? Are we really supposed to believe this all came through naturally? That a bunch of straight guys suddenly decided wearing dresses was something they wanted to do?

I don’t mean to sound cynical here, and I’m in no way trying to insinuate creators have solely some sort of corrupt ulterior motive. Things are never as simple as they look. However, the truth is, a part of it lies on the attention it’s gotten.

I’ve talked a lot about DreamNotFound and the way Dream uses it as a marketing ploy. I stand by my point. However, he’s not the only one who does this in the MCYT community. Why did Finn suddenly go from wearing a dress to cross-dressing as a girl for a whole week? Why are so many creators suddenly deciding wearing dresses is fun? Why does every freaking straight MCYT actively want to flirt with George nowadays?

Let’s just let Techno’s favorite word answer this for us: clout.

It gets attention from one of the largest historically underserved minority community in the entertainment business. We might not be able to see gay flirting in every Netflix TV show or guys not minding dresses and getting fake marriages, but you are certainly going to get at least one of those in every Dream SMP stream and video you tune into. It gets attention. It brings home the money. And do I blame them? Not really.

Interestingly enough, there’s a lot of analytical posts on the MCYT Tumblr community that discuss the dangers of these tactics and why gay jokes and the way queer subtext is treated by MCYT creators is harmful. Despite this, it still attracts such a huge community of queers. So why exactly would queer people actively watch something that’s offensive or harmful to us?

I have a lot more to say about this topic and the morality behind Dream’s tactics, but I’m out of breath for today, so I’ll talk about it in my next post. What better way to start the conversation about the DNF and Karlnap questions of the survey than a good ol’ discussion on the morality of queerbaiting and the likes?

If you got this far, I’d appreciate it if you liked and reblogged this post if you enjoyed it and/or learned something new! Also, important news, I would really like to perform a similar study on the DTeam Twitter Community to measure the differences in demographics across platforms. I would REALLY appreciate it if you guys could go like, retweet and share the link I posted on my Twitter about it (tweet will be linked in the reblog below) so it reaches more of the DTeam Twitter community!

However, if you filled out the survey yourself here or you associate more with DTeam Tumblr than DTeam Twitter please DO NOT fill out the survey again! I’m trying to make sure it reaches the audience that mains on Twitter, but I need a little help with that since I don’t have as big of an influence on Twitter than on here for obvious reasons.

Anyhow, thank you so much for all your support! I really appreciate y’all and make sure to hit the follow if you want to lookout for the next demographics post! <3

(Pssst, I’m releasing a MCYT DNF superpower AU longfic next month... You should totally go check out the post on that if you’re interested in it...)

[paperanddice]

Image ID: Two pictures of game stat blocks for the ember guard. The first is for 5th Edition D&D and the second is for 13th Age. Full text is available below the read more. End ID.

Ember guards are massive, elemental creations that act as both shock troopers and guardians. Their origins track back to the efreet, though rumors hold that an ancient Elder Evil of some kind first gave the genies the knowledge required to craft these things. They are very simple creatures, following orders and mostly just smashing targets to a fine paste with their massive limbs. The fires within can be unleashed in a vicious attack, and the magical flames will cling to the creature they wash over to drag down their limbs and weaken their fighting. As the elemental is damaged its rocky skin cracks and breaks, letting the intense flames that compose its actual body within seep out. Sudden applications of low temperatures cause cracks to spread along its body, cracking the stone viciously and can cause the shell to rupture.

Averaging close to 18 feet tall, ember guards appear to be made out of bronze streaked stone that glows with intense heat. Flames lick at cracks and openings in the stone body, which is hollow and thus far lighter than one would expect for a stone creature of this size. The stone is only a few inches thick, though this is still enough to repel many weaker weapons and lesser attackers. The ember guard is still not light, weighing many tons. While most ember guards are ape-like in form, walking on knuckled forelimbs and shorter hind limbs, there are some that have more humanoid forms, or even purely quadrupedal ones, but these are rare and the product of specialist creators who want their own unique signature. Shattering the external shell of the ember guard causes the elemental flame within to sputter and die, evaporating in a large cloud of heat that is uncomfortable, but rarely harmful.

Originally from the 3.5 Monster Manual V. This post came out a week ago on my Patreon. If you want to get access to all my monster conversions early, as well as a spot on the Paper and Dice Discord server, consider backing me there!

5th Edition

Imix the All Consuming Fire is the true original source of ember guards, granting them to his cults and those efreet who bent knee to the Elder Elemental Evils. While a rare few have unlocked the method of crafting them since, nearly all ember guards are loyal to Imix over all others, and those who somehow gain the service of the elemental should make sure to remember that.

Ember Guard Huge elemental, lawful evil Armor Class 19 (natural armor) Hit Points 161 (14d12 + 70) Speed 30 ft. Str 24 (+7) Dex 15 (+2) Con 20 (+5) Int 3 (-4) Wis 18 (+4) Cha 9 (-1) Damage Immunities fire, poison; bludgeoning, piercing and slashing damage from nonmagical attacks Damage Vulnerabilities cold Condition Immunities exhaustion, paralyzed, petrified, poisoned, unconscious Senses darkvision 60 ft. passive Perception 14 Languages Ignan Challenge 13 (10000 XP) Bleeding Fire. While the ember guard has 80 or fewer hp, flames begin leaking from its body and it is surrounded by an aura of flames. At the start of each of the ember guard's turns, each creature within 5 feet of it takes 7 (2d6) fire damage, and flammable objects in the aura that aren't being worn or carried ignite. A creature that touches the ember guard or hits it with a melee attack while within 5 feet of it takes 7 (2d6) fire damage. Illumination. The ember guard sheds bright light in a 20-foot radius and dim light in an additional 20 feet. Water Susceptibility. For every 5 feet the ember guard moves in water that is at least six feet deep, or for every 5 gallons of water splashed on it, it takes 1 point of cold damage. This damage is not doubled by its vulnerability to cold damage. Actions Multiattack. The ember guard makes two slam attacks. Slam. Melee Weapon Attack: +12 to hit, reach 10 ft., one target. Hit: 18 (2d10+7) bludgeoning damage plus 10 (3d6) fire damage. Fire Breath (Recharge 5-6). The ember guard exhales fire in a 30-foot cone. Each creature in that area must make a DC 18 Dexterity saving throw. On a failure, the target takes 28 (8d6) fire damage and is magically slowed for one minute. While slowed, the creature's speed is halved, it takes a -2 penalty to AC and Dexterity saving throws, and it can't use reactions. On its turn, it can use either an action or a bonus action, not both. Regardless of the creature's abilities or magic items, it can't make more than one melee or ranged attack during its turn. If the creature attempts to cast a spell with a casting time of 1 action, roll a d20. On an 11 or higher, the spell doesn't take effect until the creature's next turn, and the creature must use its action on that turn to complete the spell. If it can't, the spell is wasted. The slowed creature can make a DC 17 Wisdom saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a success. If the initial saving throw is successful, the target takes half the fire damage and is not slowed.

13th Age

Did the efreet truly create the ember guard, or are they the work of an old Icon who granted the genies the elementals in exchange for the services that the genies are now bound to? Perhaps a prior Archmage or High Druid may have done so, and with the death of that Icon control of the ember guard fell fully to the efreet, showing the long game the genies are playing against the Icons to come out on top in the end.

Ember Guard Large 9th level troop [elemental] Initiative: +12 Vulnerability: Cold Gigantic Burning Fist +14 vs. AC (2 attacks) - 30 damage plus 15 fire damage Natural 5, 10, 15, 20: The ember guard regains the use of clinging fire breath if it’s expended. C: Clinging Fire Breath +14 vs. PD (1d3 nearby enemies) - 45 ongoing fire damage Natural Even Hit: The target is hampered as long as it is taking the ongoing damage. Limited Use: 1/battle. Bleeding Fire: When an enemy engaged with the ember guard attacks it while the ember guard is staggered, that enemy takes 9 fire damage. Fortification: When the ember guard is hit with a critical hit, it can roll a hard save (16+); on a success, the critical hit deals normal damage instead of double damage. Fire Resistance 18+. AC 25 PD 24 MD 17 HP 350

[dwtsfun]

Dancing with the Stars Season 30 PREMIERE!!!

Hey everyone. Welcome back! We are here for the monumental 30th season of DWTS. Can you believe it? It's wild. Tyra is back as host and she was much better than she had ever been last season. Len and Derek are both at the judges' table with Bruno and Carrie Ann. And I actually liked what Tyra had on. I also thought everyone but one person did a good job. Okay, so now, let's move onto the recap/ranking thing.

As we know, when we have this many people, I tend to rank the couples instead of trying to format an entire recap. The same will be true for this season.

1. Kenya and Brandon- Okay so let me get this out of the way. I have been watching Kenya on RHOA for about a decade and I do not like her character on that show at all. I'm gonna try my best to separate her character on there from how she is on here (which I hear is how she is in real life). I just wanna get that out the way so I don't have to deal with any claims of bias. That being said, this dance really stuck with me more than any other dance from Monday night. I think watching just how natural she was, seeing how much musicality she has and Brandon's choreo really blew me away. I was not expecting her to be that good. Her lines were gorgeous and I felt her hold was actually mostly good. She is one of two women that I felt really gave enough to their performance without going overboard. I'm very excited for these two for the weeks to come.

2. Matt and Lindsay- Another shocker for me! I saw that viral clip of Matt dancing on The Bachelor last year and I got so much second hand embarrassment from it that I did not have any hopes for Matt and rhythm. But listen. Matt shocked me. Lindsay actually got something out of him. So much so that I maybe feel like he's actually got potential to be good. He's gotta loosen up his hips and get that footwork together, but I'm actually excited for these two as well. And I was not expecting that.

3. Amanda and Alan- I wasn't shocked to see what these two did on the dancefloor as Amanda is a dancer and Alan has worked with a big dance ringer before (Heather). So I knew that they were going to be good. And they delivered on that end for sure. I thought her attention to detail was great (almost too good cuz it caused her neck to get wonky). The thing that made me really fall for them is that they are really fun together. Amanda also dances through the floor and not on top of it. So I'm happy that we will have one major ringer that really brings it this season.

4. Mike "The Miz" and Witney- These top 4 are here because they all surprised me the most of everyone and they were the most enjoyable. I think Mike (or The Miz, not sure how I'm gonna refer to him just yet) was shockingly good. Like good to the point that he could be a legit contender if he just works a little more on his technique and reigning in the energy. He's very charismatic. He's got the right attitude. And Witney seems to be working well with him. Actually, I'm seeing little bits of her partnership with Chris Mazdzer coming through. I'm liking what I'm seeing from these two and I hope they improve like I think they will.

5. Jojo and Jenna- So I really liked Jojo a lot more than I thought I would. I thought I would roll my eyes every few seconds, but I wasn't. And she made me actually enjoy Jenna as well? Hell is freezing over right now lol. Anyway, I thought this was a great dance. I don't think it was the best of the night score wise, but it was up there. Once Jojo reigns in all that energy, she's going to be great. That was her biggest issue for me.

6. Suni and Sasha- I really wish I could've put these two higher. But I just couldn't justify it. Suni might be the best technician on the cast this season (like most gymnasts have been). Everything move was excellence. Her transitions between each move was also really nice as well. I don't notice that too often but I noticed it with her and I really appreciated that. My issue is that she's not really performing right now. She's in her head and I just want Sasha to figure that piece out sooner rather than later. I want her to stick around and that's gonna be her Achilles heel.

7. TIE Jimmie/Emma and Christine/Pasha- I feel bad for everyone that got a tango on Monday. It's a terrible week 1 dance. I also hate that these two both got pop songs from 2007 to dance to. Pop songs that should not be anywhere near a tango. It just made for two really weird routines. That being said, both were able to show some strengths that will bode well for them in the coming weeks. Jimmie has a really solid frame and good posture. Christine has a very flexible back. I'm a little more worried for Christine than I am for Jimmie as far as fan support is concerned, but I think she'll be good this week.

9. Mel C and Gleb- I hate having to put Mel all the way down at 9th place. I love her and while I think she had some of the best technique of the night, I wanted more from her and I felt like she had more to offer. I can only blame Gleb's choreo for that. While it was fine, it just didn't make a statement to me. It fell flat. He's gotta step it up because Mel has what it takes to make it to the end. And I actually would want to see her there. But in this season, where everyone is at least good (well everyone will be after our first elimination), you have to stand out with the choreography.

10. Iman and Daniella- First of all I want to say that this dance was underscored. Iman needs to work on his feet for sure. That being said, he's got great control of his limbs, he's got great musicality and he can just legit dance. I think this could've been 1 or 2 points higher. I hope he can be a basketball player that makes it far. Also, I want to say that the tall and long men this season have great control of their limbs and are not afraid to move true to their size. That's really nice to see.

11. Cody and Cheryl- I definitely expected these two to perform a lot better than they did on Monday. I'll chalk that up to first night nerves and having a difficult week 1 dance. When Cody let loose, you could tell that he is a really good dancer. Even some of the more technical things showed off his experience. I fully expect them to come back next week with guns blazing. The one pro whose knowledge of the show rivals Derek's, is Cheryl. I think she knows that they may not be in the safest spot right now and that that needs to change, stat.

12. Melora and Artem- I thought this dance was good, but forgettable amongst a sea of other good to great dances. There wasn't anything that Artem or Melora did wrong. It's just that type of season. Melora is definitely a performer. And she's got some of the basics down really nicely. She needs to find her balance though. She lost it quite a few times during that tango.

13. Brian and Sharna- Okay, this is low. But it is not indicative about how I feel about them as a (dance) couple or how I feel about his dancing. I thought he did a good job. I think they're great together. I just didn't care for this foxtrot. And that's okay. They are only going to go up from here and I can't imagine them leaving anytime soon.

14. Olivia and Val- Olivia was good as well. However, she is kinda stiff. I also didn't really like Val's choreo. I don't have much else to say here. She didn't really make too big of an impact imo. I also hated the outfit that production put her in. It was so unflattering and looked like they threw a pair of curtains on her body.

15. Martin and Britt- This was the one bad performance of the night. And it was bad. I had heard rumblings of him not rehearsing very much and that was so obvious in that paso. I think it was smart for Britt to throw that talking part in at the beginning to minimize any dancing he had to do. But yeah, it was bad. I hate that I have to say this because I love Britt, but these two should go next week. I just can't take anymore weeks of this dancing when everyone else is leaps and bounds better already.

So that's it. Sorry I'm so late. I was going to get this up yesterday but I had a terrible day and said "fuck it" to work, school and this blog. Let me know what you all thought about the show and I will talk to you all soon!

[dlamp-dictator]

Allen X’s Gacha Rules for a ‘Good’ Gacha Game (Featuring Arknights)

Hey look, that Arknights essay came quicker than I thought.

Continuing on my goal of finishing up all my years-old drafts by the end of February, I think it’s pretty damn convenient that I glanced over this half-finished opinion piece just in time for the next limited banner for Arknight’s CN server to be announced. This is a topic I’ve been wanting to cover for awhile now. If there was anything that was a decent marker for Allen X’s gaming experience these past 4-ish years it was the fact that he got real into Gacha Games. I’ve dipped my toe into quite a few different Gacha phone games over the years. AFK Arena, Granblue Fantasy, Girls Frontline, and even an Ikkitousen gacha game at one point. And of course Arknights, which is my current main gacha game at the moment.  

Honestly, the only thing I didn’t play was Fate/Grand Order, and for damn good reason, but one thing at a time.

Anyway, with all that time I spent playing these games I’ve slowly given myself a ruleset and mindset for how I handle these gacha games. And I figured I’d talk about how I go about playing some of them, some of the experiences I’ve gained, and what I look into when it comes to the money portion of playing a ‘free-to-play’ game. I’ll mostly be talking about Arknights since it’s the main gacha game I’ve been playing for the past year and I don’t play two of these at once for damn good reason. 

So, with that all said, let’s start off with... 

Point 1: Methods of Ten-Pulls

For those new, the typical loop for most gacha games is to roll for rare characters and use them to complete segments of the game, whether for their looks, stats, or playstyle (but mostly looks). The characters themselves are usually drawn in an attractive and appealing way, along with having abilities and statistics that are desirable from a gameplay perspective, at least those of a higher rarity. The more you pull and buy into the gacha, the higher the chance you get for a rare character. Some games have deals where you pull can pull for free with some in-game resource like Girls Frontline, and more commonly the game encourages you to pull 10 at a time to increase your chances. 

For any good gacha game, I feel you should be able to pull for free at a fair rate. That varies a lot depending the game mechanics at play, how the game handles duplicate pulls, the rarity rate of gacha pulls, and so on, but in general if you can pull 10 times every two weeks I’ll consider the game fair, at least on that front. 

Arknights is actually a pretty good example of this. Headhunting aside, you can pull 4 times a day using in-game resources in the recruitment section of the menu, but those pulls tend to be a lot more common and not viable in the endgame like some of the ones you get in headhunting. And even without the recruitment section you can usually ten-pull about twice a month if you do the daily and weekly missions plus the weekly Annihilation missions. When I first discussed Arknights in this regard I had some confusion about how Annihilation worked and assumed it reset monthly. I apologize if I misled people with that statement. 

Anyway, by doing all the activities and missions that give you Orundum, the gacha currency, you should be able to collection about 10,000 Orundum every month, which is one guaranteed ten-pull a month. This is a little under what I would had preferred for Arknights and there’s a good chance I’m missing a free source of Orundum somewhere (and I’m rounding down to play it safe), but... it’s fair enough. 

But onto my second point.

Point 2: Premium Currency in Relation to Real-World Currency.

In short, I should have a clear idea how much it cost to pull a character if I was going to whale. Typically, in most gacha games you can purchase a premium currency in order to pull characters with real world money. The amount can vary from game to game, but there should be a clear idea of how much it cost to pull for a character. 

As a free-to-play game, most gacha games do need some kind of reliable income. Let’s be real here, this game doesn’t run on happiness and sunshine and I don’t mind giving money to products I want to see succeed and continue, but if it takes 20 bucks to ten-pull I’m going to find that ridiculous unless the gacha rate is in highly my favor.

Arknights uses Originium Prime as it’s premium currency, an item that can be transferred into 180 Orundum per unit. One Originium Prime costs one dollar. You need about 33 Originium Prime to get the 6,000 Orundum needed to pull ten times, or a little over 3 Originium Prime to pull once using 600 Orundum. This means on average it costs around $33 to pull on command.

This is absurd for a tower defense game.

Now, Originium Prime does a lot more than let you engage with the gacha, but the brass tacks of this is that for every ten-pull you do you could just as easily get 3 games off a Steam sale, maybe more. I also think I should note that Arknight’s store lets you buy 40 Originium Prime for $30 as a bundle, cutting that cost to about 75 cents per Originium Prime. There’s also an option for 66 Originium Prime for $50, but that for just a little over 75 cents per Originium Prime if my math is correct. Either way, Arknights is asking for quite the price to engage in one of its main mechanics. 

And yes, you can gain Originium Prime in game by perfect-clearing stages and clearing the challenge modes, but there’s a finite a moment of those stages and events maps are pretty scarce in Arknights, coming around once every two-ish months with about 15-20 chances for Originium Prime. As a casual player this is... fine, but for folks that rush the endgame this is... a tad much. 

Now, I’m a casual player. I don’t rush to the latest content and I don’t try and min-max a gacha game of all things. As much I mostly just buy a monthly pack that grants me about 300 Orundum for free daily for 30 days and 6 Originium Prime upon purchase. This makes the grind a little easier and it’s a cheap way to show monetary support to the development team. However, I do recognize there are people that do these min-max and rush content and my opinion of these folks aside I think those folks probably spend the most money as well, undeservedly so. But this is more a discussion of the individual person and not the gacha community as a whole.

So... moving on...

Point 3: Late Game Viability as a Free-to-Play

To me, it should never feel like you need the gacha to finish the game or get to the endgame content. For a free to play game, you should be able to at least finish the initial pre-update content without needing to try and a pull a rare character to get you through a hard segment of the game. Events and Post-Launch stuff have a bit of wiggle room, but overall I don’t think you should need a team of the rarest characters to just beat the game, at least not a meta-team. That doesn’t mean the desire to pull can’t be there, but at least for the launch-content, you should be able to finish it out as a free-to-play player. Thankfully, most games (most good games) will give you a pretty decent team to work with if you truly have bad luck with rolls. Girls Frontline is a good example of this.

Arknights... isn’t as generous as I’d like it to be.

In Arknights, by the end of Chapter 4, with limited engagement of the Gacha, you’ll have handful of 4-Stars that can be leveled to the late game with decent stats, Amiya, and an assortment of 3 stars that can technically get you through those first four chapters if used and placed wisely. But some four stars like Gavial, Courier, and Dur-nar are time-limited if I remember correctly, so as of me typing this there’s no reliable way to get some of those characters.

Meanwhile, in Girls Frontline you got most of team Anti-Rain by the mid-game pre-updates, a group of 4-star guns that had already great utility and with half of their members being in the meta of the pre-update endgame content, and are still viable to this day if I remember correctly. 

This is a major point of contention I have with Arknights. I think they’re fairer than most gacha games, but I’ll admit they don’t like giving handouts, not as many as I’d prefer anyway. Even the stingy AFK Arena gave you more stuff after maintenance updates and the like, and I hate the fact that I complimented AFK Arena on anything.

But onto my last point.

Point 4: 5-Star/SSR Rates Must be Around 4% or Higher.

This is the main reason I’ll never touch F/GO (along with other reasons). Every gacha game should, statistically, guarantee a five-star/SSR/highest-tier rarity after 30 pulls. Any more than that and you’re playing with a rigged slot machine by my standards. Like I said, the main goal of most gacha games is to get you pulling for these are fancily drawn jpegs and pngs, and while those characters technically have gameplay function and even limited animation in certain non-gameplay settings, they’re still pictures nonetheless. And if I have to dip more than 30 times to get something good then what’s the point.

Again, using Arknights, their 5-Stars are at a rather generous 8%, but their 6-Stars being at a tad crueler 2%. By all accounts, I shouldn’t be touching Arknights because of this, but due to the nature of how busted Six-Stars are and a few other details like base functions, potential levels, and some other factors in Arknights gameplay, I let this slide for the moment.

Regardless, I shouldn’t take more than 20 pulls to get a highly rated unit of some sort. The details of the specific unit can be discussed at a later date, but my point remains.

Also, any gacha game that mixes accessories and characters in the same pull pool is equally unplayable. Characters have utility and gameplay functions that can be used for multiple strategies and methods, along with out-of-game benefits ala the base mechanics of Arknights depending on the game. Accessories and items are stat buffs in game where grinding levels is already purposely tedious. Anything making that act more of a hinderance is honestly trying to rob you blind and should be avoided like the plague.

Now... one more thing to talk about. 

About Arknights Specifically

You know... between me bitching about Chapter 7, bitching about Chapter 6, bitching about 7-18, and bitching about Code of Brawl I get the feeling you all think I hate Arknights. 

Trust me, I only whine and moan because I love this game and the people who made it, I wouldn’t waste my breath or keystrokes otherwise. 

That said, I would like to see some things change about Arknights on a foundational level. I’ll try and keep this short, but no promises.

Endgame Team for Free

This is the team you have to work with for 6-7 because of story reasons and I think this team should gained for free to by the end of chapter 6, everyone in this squad should be in your rooster by the end. Even Blaze, her kit is good, but not as busted as Silverash so she wouldn’t shatter the game’s difficulty. This team overall is very well balanced for end game content and has all the essentials to get through it. E2 medics and guards, cheap vanguards and defenders for last minute placements to stall, a good sniper that can do solid burst damage, some specialists just in case you need to manipulate enemy movement and path detection. I believe you can get Rope, FEater, and Myrrh free, but Blaze and Greythroat for reliable lategame damage feels like a must. And I see nothing wrong with giving out those two for free anyway, especially for what was near endgame content at the time and how pivotal Blaze and Greythroat were to the storyline of Chapter 6. And yes I feel the same way about Rosmontis in Chapter 7 too. She’s actually a pretty niche unit and a 6-Star that’s expensive to upgrade, just having her in your pocket wouldn’t shatter the game like it would be if you gave us, again, Silverash.

Gacha Rates

I think arguing for cheaper prices with the Originium Prime is a fools errand because corporations will never listen, but I’ll at least say this. The rules of the gacha that followed the WWE Banner should be for all future banner. You should get a banner-specific currency that lets you outright buy the rare units on said banner if you have bad enough luck. You needed to pull 300 times to get W or Weedy and about 50 times to get  Elysium. I feel like both of these should be cut in half. Going by the math I previously did counting that requirement in half would mean only doing 15 ten-pulls, about 495 Originium Prime (89,100 Orundum) or a little over $370 for a limited operator.

This is still absurd for a tower defense game, but it is a far more fair than the original system.

Other Small Quality of Life Changes

A quick pull for recruitment operators so we don’t have to see the bag animation 4 times over. Girls Frontline had something similar by the time I left and it was all the better for it. 

A similar form of auto-play to Girls Frontline where you can send in one of your 4 squads to auto play a map off screen a number of times and come back later when they’re down for materials at the cost of extra sanity. 

Have a Orundum be a log-in reward. Again, something Girls Frontline did and I think coughing out 1,000 Orundum once a week wouldn’t kill anyone.

Buff Amiya goddammit. Either remove/shorten the stun on her S2 to make her have reliable (if random) magical burst damage or remove the instant retreat on her S3 so she can become a hard-hitting damage unit at the cost of a high SP cost and cooldown timer. Don’t give major drawbacks to your only non-event free 5-Star when Silverash exists. When Click and Haze has more viability than your main character you have a problem.

Anyway, that’ll be it for me. Next time... I talk about something that isn’t me bitching.

[cindylouwho-2]

RECENT NEWS, RESOURCES & STUDIES, May 24 2020

Welcome to my latest summary of recent ecommerce news, resources & studies including search, analytics, content marketing, social media & Etsy! This covers articles I came across since the early May report, although some may be older than that. Due to a need to get my taxes filed, and a continued busy jewellery business, I don’t expect to be able to do another update for a few weeks. You can follow me on Twitter for important breaking news, though! 

Have any topics you would like to see me cover in more detail? Drop me a line here on Tumblr, or email me through my website.

TOP NEWS & ARTICLES 

Small businesses can survive the pandemic and beyond, if they learn to provide what customers are now looking for. From desks to 3-D printed face shields, to including toilet paper on your takeout menu, to moving online, acting quickly has given these businesses hope. ABC also did a piece on this topic. [text & video; mentions Etsy & masks] Here’s another article discussing adapting to pandemic ecommerce “new normal”, with interviews with staff from Etsy, TechStyle and Zulily.

Ecommerce is about to get way more competitive (it probably is already), & arguably the retailers who will succeed are the ones who already put plans in action, including advertising plans. (mentions Shopify, Google Shopping & Etsy.)

Facebook and Instagram will now have “Facebook Shops”, which are free to set up. Sounds like it will be a slow rollout, though. Many take this as direct competition for marketplace sites such as Etsy, but it will probably also have a large impact on small website builder sites such as Indiemade. 

ETSY NEWS 

Etsy’s first quarter for 2020 was good, but April was astonishing by any standards; I covered it all here. 

Etsy Payments will soon be available to sellers in Turkey, Malaysia, & Mexico. This will likely be welcome news to sellers in Turkey in particular, who haven’t had an easy way to accept payment for Etsy orders since PayPal left Turkey a few years back. It looks like this move will be optional at the moment for those 3 countries, unlike those of us who are forced to use EP if it is available in our countries. 

Etsy gave some listing credits and ad credits to shops who had substantially lower than normal sales in late March through April; the credits don’t kick in until July, though. 

Etsy is beta-testing a new listing video tool. You can join here; if you want more info first, here are some details. Note that the videos must be quite short, and will not include sound. 

Etsy is still getting some good traction from the face mask initiative: “I would argue they were just in the right place at the right time," says Kodali. "When you think of who is able to consolidate the power of a million sewers in the country, the only answer is Etsy."  However, they are also getting some criticism for masks taking forever to arrive, if at all. The slow customer support is also annoying many of these new customers that the CEO was so happy to attract, with little to no response from Etsy. 

The Wall Street Journal did a well-received article on people buying food (mostly baked goods) on Etsy [paywall]. Other sources have picked it up, although some are a bit skeptical about safety. 

More trend info directly from Etsy: first, summer at-home ideas with Dayna Isom Johnson [podcast links with transcript]. It also covers what to do for socially-distanced celebrations. “[P]eople are taking what they would typically do for a birthday, but then doing it virtually. So many people love paint night parties and I've actually seen quite a few paint kits that Etsy sellers are creating. It’s a wonderful way to celebrate your birthday and still have that experience of expressing your creativity and having fun with your friends, but just through a screen.” Also, “tie-dye is blazing hot right now.”

Second, craft supply sellers get their own trend article for a change. Supply searches close to doubled in April, with “346% YoY increase in searches on Etsy for “diy”. Many buyers are making their own masks with supplies from Etsy; “2,089% YoY increase in searches on Etsy for “elastic”. Do read the whole article if you want to spin your shop in this direction, as there is a lot of good info included. 

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES 

Google pushed out a core algorithm update starting May 4, which finished rolling out on May 18. It seems fairly large, maybe the biggest in some time, and may have hit more areas than other recent core updates. They did take some criticism for releasing it during a pandemic. Possible targets aren’t agreed on yet by the people tracking it, but could include cryptocurrency, travel, real estate, health, tech, finance & dating. Or maybe we shouldn’t rush to pick winners & losers so quickly? News media changes may be affected by the regular algorithm reaction to people reading a lot more news these days, and some ecommerce companies had a boom that could affect their rankings. This article discusses Etsy among other companies, who might have benefitted from the update. [I’m not sure on the Etsy complaints, as I have been seeing multiple links for some searches for well over a year now.]

Link building is generally the hardest part of Google SEO, in part because you aren’t allowed to do any of the obvious things that might get you easy links. Anyone confused about the rules & the benefits should check out this guide for 2020. 

While you can learn a lot from general SEO guides, if you have a Shopify site, this guide provides some specific SEO tips. 

LinkedIn managed to de-index itself from Google on May 6, at least for the United States. Here’s one theory. Well-paid webmasters for major internet companies can still screw up, it turns out. 

(CONTENT) MARKETING & SOCIAL MEDIA (includes blogging & emails) 

If you are one of those organized marketers who plans their campaigns ahead of time, here are 5 content marketing ideas for June. 

With so many people not working as much as usual, this might be a good time to start a podcast. Gizmodo has compiled instructions on doing it cheaply.  

The best time to send an email depends on the purpose of the email. For example, “General site traffic emails have always been most effective mid-week — mid-morning or mid-afternoon. Mondays and Fridays tend not to perform as well” while “A general awareness campaign can be sent almost any time to be effective.”

Refreshing your evergreen content can be more productive than producing new content. That has some really good ideas for many types of businesses produce

Facebook bought Giphy, and while it will still be available to people without Facebook-owned accounts, it will be integrated directly with Instagram. 

Instagram is testing new fonts in its Stories feature. 

Twitter is enabling users to see how many people quoted a tweet, but so far only on IOS. They also have a new test where you control who can reply to your tweets. 

LinkedIn is rolling out both video events and polls, but maybe it is too late to get a big bump from either change? 

ONLINE ADVERTISING (SEARCH ENGINES, SOCIAL MEDIA, & OTHERS) 

Online advertising can be expensive; here are some stats on the cost of various search engine ad clicks as well as a bit on social media. 

Google Merchant accounts now let you compare your prices to other sites and also look at trends in clicks. 

Here is a good brief overview of the new free Google Shopping listings, including the 3 main reasons the author believes Google made this change. Here is another much longer overview, with screenshots for those not in the US, and info on how to set this up for your website. The PayPal integration is now available. 

Online advertising clicks seem to be bouncing back from the worst of the pandemic, according to several sources, including this one. It is still far too early to tell if this will last, however. 

YouTube has re-conceived its premium ad program, now called YouTube Select.  

If you have ads that slow down people’s computers or drain batteries by being too “resource-heavy”, note that Chrome is going to begin blocking those in August. “Chrome will filter ads based on the following thresholds: 4MB of network data or 15 seconds of CPU usage in any 30 second period, or 60 seconds of total CPU usage.”

STATS, DATA, OTHER TRACKING 

Seeing all hits to one page in Google Analytics is a lot easier if you exclude the URL query parameters (but note that sometimes they are useful, such as for various pages on Etsy.) If you like the idea of filtering your GA results in general, here is another tutorial on that. 

If you want to do A/B testing on your website, here is a fairly straightforward introduction to Google Optimize, which is free to use. 

ECOMMERCE NEWS, IDEAS, TRENDS 

Many online companies had a good first quarter despite the pandemic, including Shopify, which beat income estimates and saw its stock rise 5% after its first quarter report. “New stores created on the company’s online platform jumped 62% between March 13 and April 24 as many brick-and-mortar businesses migrated online.”

Shopify rolled out software that allows its users to more easily do curbside pickup orders. “...Shopify was already in the process of redesigning its POS before the coronavirus, but decided to accelerate the development of a few new features, namely fulfilling curbside pick-up orders and home delivery. Shopify said that by the end of April, 26% of its merchants with a brick-and-mortar presence were offering local delivery or buy online, pickup in-store, compared to 2% in February.”

Rolling out for the US first, Shopify is also getting into financial products, offering a new debit card which you can use to receive your sales income on the same day you earn it. Shopify Balance can be described as “a merchant account with no fees and no minimum balances.” It’s also setting up an instalment plan feature for customers. 

Also new with Shopify: a Pinterest app for turning all your products into shoppable pins. 

An Amazon VP quit - very publicly - over the company firing several whistleblowers and labour organizers. “Amazon declined to comment.” The company is taking heat for those issues as well as poor management of and information about how many employees have tested positive at various warehouses. Several employees are known to have died of COVID-19 so far. 

Amazon has extended its order performance suspension exceptions for the pandemic to May 31. Which is a good thing, because it seems that buyers are leaving more bad feedback than ever before [soft paywall] “More than 11 percent of reviews left for sellers in the past 30 days are negative. That’s nearly twice the level of frustration vented by shoppers regarding Amazon’s third-party sellers during the holidays, when customer anxieties spike over not getting presents on time”. eBay extended some seller protection changes until July 19. [note: if you sell on these platforms outside of the US, lease check for your own country’s rules, as some of them are different.]

Amazon Handmade sellers from the US got a boost from a new local makers page and the accompanying blog post. [I was unable to find any similar promotions for other countries; seems like a missed opportunity]

Buyers in Canada and the US are trying to get class-action lawsuits certified against Amazon for their policy preventing/discouraging its vendors from offering lower prices elsewhere. This article includes the US class action complaint paperwork. 

If you are wondering about Prime Day, Amazon is apparently going to try for September, but there is no official announcement yet. 

eBay will be changing the fee structure for sellers using managed payments, including charging one fee on the entire transaction instead of separate commission & processing fees. 

USPS, complaining of deficits and being pressured by Trump, is reportedly reviewing its package delivery contracts with large companies such as Amazon. “According to the Washington Post, over the last few weeks the USPS has been seeking bids from consulting firms to reexamine what the agency charges companies like Amazon, UPS, and FedEx. Contracts are generally reviewed on a yearly basis, and analysts have repeated warned that suddenly raising package prices that drastically would cause more bad than good, not just for the USPS or Amazon, but for small businesses and individuals too.”

Square has created an easy online checkout option that works without being connected to a website/shop. (US only)

BUSINESS & CONSUMER STUDIES, STATS & REPORTS; SOCIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY, CUSTOMER SERVICE 

Google has introduced a new Trends-like tool that covers recent top product searches by the amount of growth. Yes, it is free!

Gen Z wants to see “fun and exciting advertising” during the pandemic, because they are bored. They are apparently not really fond of “things are different now” ads. Also: “A survey taken seven weeks ago indicated that younger consumers were more likely than older adults to say they wanted to see purpose-driven advertising that showed how companies were helping others.” Actually, Gen Z isn’t alone in wanting something different from commercials right now 

Consumers want to see companies taking positive action and supporting their employees during the pandemic - and claim they will remember who did a good job, so they know who to support with purchases. 

Not surprisingly, mobile usage is up during the day time since the pandemic was declared, and people are also staying online later during the week. Web browser usage is up, and more serious news and information is getting attention. 

There will likely be many more bankruptcies as the effects of COVID-19 ripple through the economy, but some businesses don’t have enough cash flow to go bankrupt. [text & video]

Canadian retail sales were down 10% in March compared to 2019, but many things went up, including general merchandise stores (6.4%) and online retailers (40%). Note that the online numbers didn’t include sales made from Amazon.com or Amazon.ca and delivered in Canada, so ecommerce was actually higher than that. In the US, March retail sales were down 8.7%, but April looks like it turned around for many ecommerce sites. 

MISCELLANEOUS 

So-called “cookie walls” are not enough to comply with the EU’s privacy laws. “[I]n order for consent to be legally valid under Europe’s General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) there are specific standards to meet: It must be clear and informed, specific and freely given.  Hence cookie walls that demand ‘consent’ as the price for getting inside the club are not only an oxymoron but run into a legal brick wall.”

Website layouts (and even other elements) are starting to look like each other more & more.

[nomadicism]

Be careful about having high expectations for Gen Lock. The series is created by Rooster Teeth Productions, who tend be to hit and miss. They created great series like Camp Camp, but they also created RWBY, which has a rep for having terrible writing in the later seasons. Characters are unlikable or Mary Sues; the plot is poorly structured and it made a lot of questionable choices. At this point, it could be either or. Only time will tell if it's the next Camp Camp or RWBY.

and

“I would be careful about having high expectations for Gen Lock if I were you. Gen Lock is created by Roaster Teeth Productions, who are also the creators of RWBY. That series went down hill after the 3rd season. Granted some of it had to do with the creator dying, but the writing dipped in quality. After watching the first and second ep, it reminds me a lot of VLD, including the humour. Reviewers said it didn’t dive into character motivation or any of the world building by the 5 ep point.”

Hi Anon, thank you for the Asks!

Given the wording of both of these, I assume they are both from you.

I’m going to try to reign in my salt here, but you happened to hit more than a few buttons with your Ask. Gonna keep this as brief as I can to focus on the core of my answer. I promise I’m not grumpy.

The opening sentence in both of these Asks does not come across well. I can give the benefit of the doubt b/c this is the Internet, but uh…yeah.

RWBY continues to enjoy great popularity and comes up frequently on my dash. I’ve never seen it, it’s definitely not my thing, but it’s still selling to someone, and my VLD mutuals that love it are still talking it up so I’m glad that they have another show to entertain them. I see merch everywhere, it’s got a Japanese dub and a manga adaptation and that’s pretty damn good for a web cartoon that came out of the U.S. Must not be that terrible as whole to merit all of that.

“Mary Sue” is a phrase that means absolutely nothing because everyone overuses it to mean any number of things about competent and powerful female characters, and most of them are incredibly subjective, and rarely ever applied to male characters who meet the same kinds of subjective goal-post shifting criteria.

Perhaps gen:LOCK will simply be the “first gen:LOCK” and not the “next anything.”

I didn’t find the humor in gen:LOCK to be like VLD at all.

Reviewers can eat my asshole.

And on that note:

Not every story benefits from a deep dive, or even a superficial exploration of character motivation or world-building.

Such things are very genre and plot dependent, and the perception of such is subjective.

Some of the greatest short stories, or even long-form novels don’t even bother with much of either if they are not necessary to advance the plot. Not everything needs to be Lord of the Rings or Ulysses.

Who had better “character motivation”, Frodo Baggins from the LotR trilogy or Ripely from Alien? What would “better” even mean for either of those genres? LotR and Alien are worlds apart, and yet, at the end of the day, the protagonists are fighting for survival against an unspeakable horror. The “journey” of their survival differs greatly, and those journeys are the point, the character motivations are really minimal and don’t require a lot of exploration.

Frodo’s character motivation can be summed up as: “save the fucking Shire by destroying a cursed evil ring” and a little bit of “Uncle Bilbo ruined me for the simple Hobbit life with his crazy stories.” While Ripley’s motivation is: “kill the xenomorphs before they kill me and my cat.” That’s it. Don’t even need in-character exposition or a flashback to describe Ripley’s. The genre hands it to you on a blood-soaked silver platter.

I don’t know what those reviewers were watching but the “character motivation” of the main characters that I saw in the pilot episode alone was pretty fucking obvious: HOLD THE LINE in a dystopian world were “freedom” hangs by a thread. They are trying to survive. That’s all it needs to be.

I don’t care why they joined the Vanguard. I have plenty of friends and family within various armed forces and their motivations range from complex to simple, but most of them are a variation on “I want to serve my country and my people.” That’s it, and that’s okay.

Additionally, Julian Chase’s backstory and motivation was made clear in the first 10 minutes through the positioning of him before the wall with his dead father’s memorial flag, and the conversation between the three most important people in his life: mother, sister, and fellow comrade-soldier/girlfriend (Miranda, great symbolism by the way in that name).

That pilot episode is Julian’s “super hero/science fiction origin story”. His Big Damn Hero moment is fueled by his “character motivation” to protect his loved ones, and inspired by the verses from his dead hero father’s favorite song: “Let the Good Times Roll.”

Any hyper-critical reviewer that missed that is full of shit.

And those verses?

“You only live once / But when you’re dead you’re gone / So let the good times roll”

That was clever and poignant foreshadowing, b/c GENRE. It also wasn’t super deep…and it didn’t have to be. It only needed to connect the threads of Julian’s introduction, who he is, something special that he shares with his mother, father, and girlfriend, and what his role will be in the show, and the nature of his being from here on out.

At the bare minimum, someone in the writers’ room is aware (even if only in passing) of the some of the most enduring questions that science-fiction (especially cyberpunk) has asked and navel-gazed over regarding the role of technology in extending human life, and what exactly defines “life” when one has left the meat-space. I’m not expecting gen:LOCK to be an exploration into the ethics and details of transhumanism/post-humanism/singularity philosophies and futurist dreams for humanity. It doesn’t have to be. They’ve already touched on the concepts and anyone who loves that sort of thing will notice.

My expectations for gen:LOCK are that—at worst—it will be as entertaining and to-the-point as the GI Joe cartoon in the 80s. I enjoyed GI Joe (pro-military propaganda aside), it was a regular thing for me to make the effort to watch. I didn’t love it like I did The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers, or Robotech, or Voltron DotU, or Silverhawks, or Jem and the Holograms, but it was still fun and entertaining and it still is.

GI Joe didn’t waste time with a full exploration of Cobra Commander’s backstory or his motivations, nor did it do so with most of the Joes. The basics were all that was needed. GI Joe wasn’t about complexity and it didn’t need to be in order to tell an entertaining story while selling toys. Yes, sometimes you’d get some really interesting episodes that added dimension in between the more obvious filler. Shit, it took like 50+ episodes to get to a Destro-focused episode. I certainly wasn’t watching GI Joe for character motivations and world-building. I was watching because nearly every character had an interesting design and they all did unique things, and Cobra Commander was hilarious. I watched to see what they would come up with next.

Did I really need a compelling story behind Zartan, Zandar, and Zarana? Nope. They were fun villains that gave the heroes hell and spoke with shitty Australian accents. In the 80s, the Aussie accent was all the rage for edgy characters (oh Stingray…).

Do people remember anything about Scarlett other than she was the hot redhead?

I loved Scarlett, she was my She-Ra, and one of the main reasons why I watched GI Joe. But only the most hardcore GI Joe fans remember her stats and abilities. She was actually one of the most highly qualified and skilled Joes. From Scarlett’s Wikipedia article:

“Her primary specialty for the team is counter intelligence. Scarlett is additionally skilled in martial arts and acrobatics. She started training at age 9 with her father and three brothers, who were all instructors, and she earned her first black belt at age 15. Scarlett also graduated summa cum laude, and passed her Bar Exams to practice law, before moving into the military. She graduated from Advanced Infantry Training and Ranger School, and received special education in Covert Ops School, Marine Sniper School, Special Air Service School, and Marine Tae Kwon Do Symposium. Although she is as adept with standard weapons as any of her comrades, her weapon of choice is the XK-1 power crossbow, which fires various bolts with specialized functions. Scarlett is also a qualified expert with the M-14, M-16, M1911A1 Auto Pistol, M79 grenade launcher, M-3A1, M-700 Remington sniper rifle, MAC-10, throwing stars, garotte and KA-BAR (Combat Knife)”

Wow. Beautiful and striking appearance. High intelligence. Great martial prowess. Top shelf military training.What a goddamned Mary Sue.

So, if you’re still with me Anon, my point is that if gen:LOCK can be a “good enough” futuristic-cyberpunk-ish version of GI Joe that gives me fun and interesting-but-not-complex characters in command of infantry mechs, configurable jets, and a color coordinated team of save-the-day-big-damn-hero-style mecha who fight against a sinister force that has weaponized nanotech and colossal mechas that look like War of the Worlds meets Eldritch Horrors then I’ll be pretty fucking happy with it. The bar ain’t exactly high here.

[thats-pucking-amazing]

Columbus *Part 2* (Zach Werenski)

Yay for productivity! Enjoy part two...it’s over 2,200 words long, so whoops. Will definitely be at least one more part!

Part One

Warnings: Dancing, Columbus, Blue Jacket players

Requests: Open

You rubbed your eyes and tried to refocus on the words that professor whats-his-face was scribbling on the board. Why did I take stats? Why did I do this to myself? The only saving grace was that this was the only class you had today...and there were only, you looked up at the clock for the umpteenth time, 27 minutes left.

“I can see that all of you have tuned me out,” You looked to your prof who looked as done with the day as the rest of you. “And frankly...I’d rather be anywhere but here. It’s a Friday...go on. Get drunk or something. Just stop looking at me with your soul sucking dead eyes.” As the class began to flood toward the exit he added on, “Complete the problems on page 127 by next class.”

Walking into the sunshine was a blessing and you couldn’t help but turn your face up towards it. Which explains why you jumped about 15 feet in the air when a voice came from right next to you.

“Y/N right?” The voice asked. “Ope sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You’re okay. And yeah, I’m Y/N...you’re….Clara right?”

“Yeah! Hey...a group of friends and I are going out tonight and I wanted to know if you wanted to join? I always see you in class and you seem pretty cool...but I never see you in the dorms.”

“Oh! I actually live in one of the single room apartments. I got it because I’m on scholarship. Ummm...how many people are going to be there?”

“If you come there will be six of us. We’re not much for socializing...but I thought adding one more wouldn’t hurt anything. You in?”

“Sure...why not? What’s the plan?” You decided to take a risk. It was three weeks into the semester and other than the occasional nod and smile, you didn’t really have friends. So this would be good for you...hopefully.

“We’re going to Bar 23. It’s like 10 minutes from campus...we were going to get apps and drinks, maybe go to Skully’s for dancing after.”

“I’m not 21 yet. And I don’t have another ID to use.” You said.

“No worries! Skully’s is 18+ so you’re good! Do you want to meet us at B23 around 7pm?”

You nodded. “I’ll be there. Thanks for the invite Clara.”

“Of course! Here add your number in my phone and I’ll text you so that you can send me a message when you get there.” After sharing numbers you waved goodbye and headed back to your apartment.

“Alright self. You have four hours until you have to leave. You could A: do your homework so you’re not stressing on Sunday or B: take a nap.” You pretended to think about it. “Nap it is. Good choice self.”

Three and a half hours later you were tugging on your favorite pair of skinny jeans over a lace bodysuit. A pair of booties completed the outfit, and looking at yourself in the mirror...you couldn’t say you were mad about the money you spent on this outfit a few weeks ago. Your curves looked bomb, your hair was laying just right and the makeup you’d applied made your eyes and lips pop. Long story short...you looked great!

You looked in the mirror one last time and gave yourself a nod of approval and after putting your phone in your back pocket with your ID and cash firmly within the case, you were ready to go. You locked the door behind you and started the walk towards B23. It was about a 15 minute walk and with the addition of your leather jacket, you were comfortable in the early October weather.

Here. You sent to Clara as you approached the front door.

Table in right corner. You got back almost immediately. You entered and looked over and saw a small group of girls over at a table. You made eye contact with Clara, who waved a bit spastically at you.

“Hey!” You pulled out the chair next to you as she introduced you to her friends. “Guys this is Y/N. She’s in my stats class. This is Amelia, Jane, Shannon, and Harmony. We all live together in one of the suites. Harmony is the lucky one who doesn’t have to share.” She teased.

Harmony, a pretty girl who had to have Native American in her if the tone of her skin and stick straight black hair (which you were beyond jealous of) gave you any clues, shot her a smug smile. “It’s not my fault that I won the draw.”

“That you put the names in!” Carla shot back.

Shannon leaned over to you, “They’ll go on about this if one of us doesn’t interrupt. They’ve been best friends since they were six. And they’re definitely the loudest out of all of us.”

You chuckled. “It’s not bothering me. I’m always game for free entertainment.”

The playful bickering died down as the waitress approached to take orders. After ordering two appetizer plates and drinks...a water for you. Conversation resumed and you quickly felt like one of the group. Amidst mozzarella sticks, wings, nachos, and a lot more greasy food you talked about majors, career goals, crazy professors, and the hot people you distracted yourself with in class.

A little after eight your waitress came over with another round of drinks for the girls and another water for you.

“We didn’t order more drinks...we’re actually getting ready to go,” You told her.

“I know. Those guys over there sent them to you. The one with dark hair wanted me to ask if Ohio was still treating you well.” Your group all looked over towards the guys that your waitress had pointed out to you. And there was Zach and some of the guys who’d gone into the store with him.

“Oh! I know him. I’m gonna go say hi.” You told the girls.

“Tell them thanks for us!” Carla said, lifting her drink in a salute towards them.

You made your way over towards Zach, suddenly a bit more conscious of what you were wearing. Was it too tight? Too much boob showing?

“Hey Y/N!” Zach greeted you.

“Hi. Ohio is treating me just fine. Thanks for asking.” You sat down in the chair he pulled out for you. “I’m Y/N.” You said to his friends.

“Pierre-Luc.”

“Josh.”

“Seth.”

“Boone.” They went around the table introducing themselves.

“And I’m Zach.”

You elbowed him playfully in the side. “I know who you are. But thanks anyway. Also...thank you for the drinks.”

“You’re welcome. But I think you bruised my side...so don’t expect anymore.”

“Baby. But I’m pretty sure we’re getting ready to leave anyway...so no worries about buying us more.” You teased.

“You’re leaving?” He questioned. “Oh.”

“Umm. We’re going to Skully’s to dance...and probably drink some more if you wanted to join us later? I’m sure the girls wouldn’t mind if you wanted to join in…” You trailed leaving an open invitation.

“We’re actually leaving here now. I’m sure we’ll be happy to join.”

Josh gave him a look. “We just go-Oof!” He gave Seth an offended look. “What was that for? That hur-”

“We’d love to join,” Seth spoke over Josh, who was still glaring at him.

“Ok,” You said with a smile. “Let me go tell the girls y’all plan on coming and then I’ll see you there?” Your speech was directed a bit more directly at Zach this time.

“Sounds good.” You gave a small wave bye and headed back over to the table where your friends had not so subtly been watching the exchange.

“The guys wanted to know if you cared if they joined us at Skullys? I said that it wouldn’t be a problem...but if you guys have a prob-”

“No! They can come! We do not mind. Do they want to walk over with us? It’s only a few blocks over.” Clara said.

You shrugged. “Let me ask.” You waved Zach over and you watched as his long legs ate up the distance. “Do y’all want to walk over there with us? Or were you going to drive.”

“No we’ll walk with you. Let us pay and we’ll meet you by the door.” He headed back over and soon your group, now doubled in size, was on the way. Somehow you and Zach ended up trailing a few steps behind everyone else. Not that you minded.

“So,” He looked down at you. “You’re really liking Ohio?”

“Yeah. It’s growing on me.”

“Good. Umm…” He bit his lip and then gruffly cleared his throat. “Save me a dance? God, that made me sound so dumb. Forget it.”

“No! Uh...I’d love to. I’m not sure what kind of music they play...but I’m sure we could find something we can dance to.” You could feel your cheeks getting hot as you looked up at him. “Thanks for asking.”

45 minutes later a beat was pounding and the dance floor regularly changed colors with the lights. Your friends were all leaning a bit towards tipsy and you had even taken a shot or two. Zach and his friends had wandered off a while ago, but before you could decide to finally go look for him, a warm pair of hands settled on your hips.

“Can this be my dance?” Zach had leaned his head down so you could hear him over the music. Not only could you hear him but you could smell the scent of his cologne and almost feel his lips brushing against your ear as he spoke. “I’m ready now.”

“Sounds good to me.” You tried to turn and face him but he clamped his hands onto your hips so you couldn’t.

“Like this, Darling.” He stepped even closer to you, his front now flush with your back. He pulled your hands up and looped them around his neck, causing you to arch slightly into him before he put his hands back on your hips. ”Now sway.”

So you did. And BOY did that explain why people liked to dance this way so much. You’d never danced this way, never understanding why people wouldn’t want to look at their partner. But being able to feel him pressed so nicely against you...his thigh in between yours and one of his hands banded firmly around your waist. You didn’t want to dance any other way. He swiveled his hips against yours, so you pressed back even tighter against him.

His chest vibrated with a groan. “Do it again.” You definitely felt his lips against your ear this time. But you did it again. And again. He rewarded you by lightly trailing his lips against your neck.

“Zach…” He tiled your head up so you could look at him.

“I want to kiss you.” He said.

“Please.” And then he was. His lips pressed hotly against yours and then his tongue was in your mouth, twining with yours. Your hands were twisted in his hair and his were slowly trailing up your stomach until his thumbs rested right under your breasts.

“Uh...guys.” Your broke away from each other at the sound of Clara’s voice. “As much as I personally enjoy the show you’re putting on...just wanted to let you know that we’re heading out. But you can stay here if you want Y/N...we just are going to go by your apartment and didn’t want you to have to walk back alone.”

You took a deep breath and allowed the air to clear your head from the drugged state Zach’s kiss had put you in. “Um, yeah that’d be great; thanks.”

“I’m pretty sure your friends are also leaving, Zach.”

“Thanks.” He answered gruffly. Clara walked away, leaving you with Zach. “I can drive you back to your apartment if you want...my car is still at B23.”

“It’s okay...I don’t want you to have to go out of your way.” You responded.

“It’s not that far out of the way...I,” He coughed and thought you couldn’t see the best in this light, you were pretty sure his cheeks were red. “I’m not ready to say goodbye, yet. I like spending time with you.” He kissed you lightly again. “I like kissing you.”

“Believe me, the feeling is mutual. But I don’t want to bail on the girls...this is my first night out with them.” A slight pout formed on his face. “Are you pouting?!”

“No!” He quickly answered.

“You’re pouting!” You laughed. “I have some homework...but I can be done with it by two, tomorrow...if you wanted to meet somewhere?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” He teased as the two of you made your way towards the entrance where your friends waited.

“I guess I am. You didn’t ask me so I had to make the move myself.”

“I would love to go on a date with you tomorrow.” He handed you his phone. “Put your number in and I’ll text you tonight...we can make plans.”

“Okay.” After handing his phone backed to him you said bye to the guys and then were given one more burning kiss by Zach before you headed back towards your apartment with your friends.

Ohio was definitely turning out to be better than expected.

Let me know if you see any blazing errors

*Also my posts have not been formatting the way I want on mobile...sorry!*

[taz-writes]

Great stuff!!! I love it when people with actual history knowledge add to this post, bc it really was just an off-the-cuff thing I wrote in a handful of minutes after going “hm the corset scene I wrote in Feilan was really stupid in retrospect.” I will add in mild defense of the costumers: they were college students, so I’m not sure they had the most experience or access to the highest quality materials. My understanding is that they did quite a lot of research, and this opera was at a VERY highly-acclaimed university for the theater arts (which our program mooched off of lol), but college students are still college students and I wasn’t in the designer’s room. :) I know most of the weight was courtesy of some very thick fabric used in the skirt, which to me almost felt like curtain fabric in a few places (though it was probably lighter than that! it’s been a while, hehe). I also have to wonder, looking back with a few years’ hindsight, if they didn’t exaggerate what they told me it weighed somewhat—I could believe 45 pounds, but I could also believe 15-20, I have never had the best sense for how much things weigh. I gave the costumers credit for that stat but I never had the chance to weigh the dress myself. I do know it was quite heavy! But the experience of carrying the weight doesn’t feel uncomfortable or like you’re carrying something, just different than usual. It takes some getting used to.

BOY can I attest to how these gowns overheat, though, by the way. Stage lights, for those of y’all who’ve never been in a theater production, are incredibly hot. It gets sticky wearing normal modern long sleeved clothes sometimes, the gown was… let’s just say the laundry crew on that production was doing the lord’s work.

For bonus tangent, and because it’s been 3 years and I’m getting nostalgic on this reblog… here is what the gown looked like in action!

(yes, this is me in the photo, this is the ONLY image of myself i will EVER post on this blog)

This photo was taken at the dress rehearsal, and lace was added to the ends of the sleeves in the final version of the gown. They also had me ditch that tiara because it kept randomly falling off during one of the more dramatic ending scenes. I make no claims as to how accurate the dress truly is to any given period in history (I know the designers took some liberties with accessories and probably some other shit for aesthetic), but as far as ball gowns go, I think they did a great job making something that was pretty and fun to run around in.

Things about wearing ballgowns that your research might not teach you

Inspired by my experiences in the opera I’m starring in right now, in which I wear a big ol’ Baroque-style ballgown that I was NOT prepared to deal with. I felt like writing some of this stuff out might be helpful to other writers since we all adore pretty dresses and being particular about random details. If your character wears a big fat ballgown on a regular basis, they’ll be used to most of these things and might not even think about them, but it’s worth remembering this stuff on our end! I’m firmly convinced that part of Cinderella’s magic makeover was a time-stopped tutorial on how to survive wearing one of these things. 

I’m not gonna go into detail about basic stuff that you can learn from Google, this is more about the physical experience of the dress, so like… don’t take my word as gospel. Just take it as an interesting perspective, that might prove useful if you’re hoping to write that fancy ball scene or (BIG OOF) dressing a character in one of these outfits who’s not used to wearing one. 

Despite what the YA writers tell you, corsets are actually pretty damn comfortable when they’re adjusted correctly! Like, they’re better than bras, they make your boobs look great AND they don’t have itchy underwires. There have been a few periods during which lacing corsets ultra-tight was trendy–the Victorian era where fainting was considered fashionable comes to mind–but that doesn’t apply to all of fashion history. 

My experience with corsets is that they limit your range of motion at the waist, you have to lean over at the hip instead, but you end up with great posture. Plus they can do wonders for your figure, depending on the style. 

Corsets can be laced up to suit your needs! Fashion may be fashion, but if you’re writing a fictional character in a gown who still needs/wants mobility, they could always have their attendants lace them to a looser setting. They don’t have to be restrictive. There are a lot of things preventing my mobility or breathing in this gown but the corset isn’t one of them. 

Depending on the fashion, your sleeves might limit your range of motion a lot. Synthetic modern fabrics are a gift, and we tend to take for granted how freely you can move your arms in a lot of modern clothing, but older or heavier fabrics will prevent you from doing certain things if they’re tailored closely to your body. Don’t expect to always bend your elbows particularly far, or raise your arms above shoulder height. 

In many gowns, you can do this, and you should be able to, but it’s not a automatic given.

The biggest challenge to moving around in a big ballgown isn’t the corset, it’s the skirt itself. Hoop skirts are HEAVY. According to my costumer friends, the gown I wear in the opera weighs in at around 45 pounds–as much as some Medieval suits of plate armor! That weight is concentrated in the skirt, which has 5 or 6 layers of material. You can easily research what those layers are, but no amount of Google prepares you to actually carry them on your body. You’ll mostly hold this weight on your hips and waist, where the skirt attaches to the rest of the outfit. It’s not actually that uncomfortable, it’s just a lot of stuff in the way of your usual movement. 

Also, I mean, it’s a big heavy skirt with lots of pretty layers that reaches all the way to the floor. It’s easy to accidentally step on it if you’re not careful, or if you’re moving too fast. 

Dancing in a ballgown is surprisingly strenuous, it’s why a lot of those fancy court dances don’t involve a lot of movement beyond basic small steps. You get sweaty fast, and your feet get tired. 

You can run in a hoop skirt, but you’ve gotta grab it like you see Cinderella do in the movies, and you can’t be gentle about that. You have to reach all the way through the layers and grab the hoops underneath the rest of the skirt. They can be tricky to find, and if you’re dainty and gentle because you’re scared of hurting the dress then you might never get a hold on one. 

Re: that last point, hoop skirts are basically giant suction cups. The more layers, the more suction. If you kneel down on the ground in one of these babies, it’ll be tricky to stand back up! Sitting in a chair may also have this effect, but it’s not nearly as intense, you’ll usually be okay. In order to counteract the suction effect, it helps to get a firm hold on one of the hoops in the skirt and lift it up just before you stand–this way, air can get in underneath you, and you won’t be stuck down. 

I’m not kidding about the suction. Seriously. I almost face-planted in my first dress rehearsal because I had no idea that the costumers were that serious. 

When you stand up in a ballgown after sitting or kneeling, it also helps to lean backwards. It’s counterintuitive, but the skirt is heavier in back than in front if you’re wearing a bumroll, so you’ll have an easier time if the front comes up first. 

You cannot put one of these on by yourself. You cannot put one of these on with only one person helping you. You’re gonna need at least two people to get all the layers of skirt on over your head, and one of them will also have to know how to lace up your corset. 

On the dressing end: lacing a corset is harder than you think it is. Even if you’re lacing it up loosely for flexibility or breathing room, you need a bit of force. You can’t be a wimp about this. Think about lacing a boot, you can feel inside the boot that it’s still not tight enough on your foot but you’ve gotta put muscle into the shoelaces to get them tight enough. 

Spinning Cinderella-style in a ballgown is basically mandatory. It’s actually good for the skirt, if anything gets wonky while you’re sitting or adjusting yourself then a good spin clears it right out! This is a justified opportunity for costume porn. 

You won’t fit anywhere. This should be obvious, but again, double down on your assumptions. A normal-sized door will not accommodate you. Palace hallways are the size they are for a reason. A suitor who wants to hold your hand will need to either stand inside your skirt or wait for you to extend your arm allll the way out. Hugging someone in a hoop skirt may knock them over. 

So yeah! Don’t take any of this as gospel, this is just my personal experience with wearing period costume, but a lot of this stuff never occurred to me when I was writing my own fancy ball scenes and it would have changed a lot of my writing choices. Feel free to add on with your own experiences or correct me if I’ve mis-described something! :)