#gah i hate when this happens

[summerstrash]

there's something buried deep in the connections between Alex, Maddie, Cable, Kwannon, Mystique, Destiny, Kurt, Forge and Greycrow (and a little bit Betsy & Rachel, too) in the Krakoan Era, and I think it's going to take a lot to unpack but for the moment, suffice to say:

it's somewhere in the idea of women bearing messiah-children they will never raise, women losing their children, the spectre of catholicism juxtaposed with ghosts and devils in the machines, women lost in the desert, the destruction of the body as the creation of the weapon, blood and destruction and undying love and mirror images and queer women and the men who love them —

it's all here and I wish I had better words for the web of connections I see in my head, but I don't, it's not a thing I can express in an essay form yet but it's so vibrantly present and I'm expecting it'll take me five more years to unpack it all.

[hazbinsinners]

;; got hit with a random wave of my alastor muse

[cowboypossume]

:o

[stupidnaturals]

.

[mutopians]

charley horses my detested

[watch-out-it-bites]

[spockasmr]

very idly rewatching the americans while we try to find something else to watch that we can both agree on and it's crazy how i usually sell this show by saying it's like the least glamorous spy thing out there. but i'm finding it unbearably sexy

[chrisbangs]

this cold is kicking my ass

[last-answer]

hmm

[shikiii-skadi]

Achievement Unlocked: Pet the Grim

SUMMARY: after Idia told you that he would help you with your alchemy project if you get Grim to let him pet him, you immediately went and did just that.

NOTE: inspired by Idias line "If you want help with questions, get Mr. Grim to let me pet him. Then we'll talk." from his labwear card

WARNINGS: none

NAVIGATION: Twisted Wonderland Masterlist

Your grades didn't look too good in some subjects, thanks to the fact that you were sharing your student spot with a gluttonous cat weasel monster, who preferred to cause trouble rather than study properly for your tests.

Professor Crewel made it very clear when he handed you the assignments for this project in Alchemy that you and Grim can't afford to get a bad grade if you want to pass this semester smoothly.

So it was up to you to find a way to make sure you did.

"Grim, listen. I know you hate being compared to a cat but think about it. Just let Idia pet you for a moment and he will help us with the alchemy project." 

"WHAT? Are you kidding? Let that weirdo pet me?! Pfft, forget it! No way I'm lettin' Idia anywhere near me."

Grim, who like so often couldn't see the bigger picture, was fiercely opposed to your suggestion, even after you've been trying to change his mind for a while now.

"What other options do we have? I love Ace and Deuce but they are struggling just as much as we do. If not more," you said trying to make Grim see reason. But in the end, this was probably a waste of energy because Grim still didn't grasp the gravity of your situation. Grim thought he could easily achieve a good grade and that you two weren't actually that bad.

It looked like you had to use your last trump card.

"It's just one small pet. And who knows maybe you deserve an extra portion of tuna after bringing home a good grade in this project, which we probably only get with Idia's help." 

You could see Grim starting to ponder as you said this. "Hmph! You make a compelling argument. ...Alright, fine. I'll let that weirdo touch me. But only ONE pet! That's it! And the extra tuna is non-negotiable!"

“Oh, Grim, I knew I could count on you," you said, although you were referring more to his hunger than him as person.

With this small victory secured, you immediately headed for Ignihyde, before Grim had the chance to change his mind and run away again.

When you arrived in Ignihyde, you were immediately welcomed by Ortho, who told you that Idia was in his room. You didn't really expect Idia to be somewhere else anyway. Was he even able to leave his room?

Ortho also told you that you should just enter Idia's room if he doesn't answer.

"Idia!" you say after opening the door to announce your presence.

"GAH!!" Idia lets out a nervous yelp as his room was suddenly invaded, and the source of the "attack" being... you. "W-what happened to knocking first?!"

"Oh, come on, don't be a drama queen. Ortho told me I should just come in," you reply and enter his dorm room, while Grim stays outside, "But let's not get hung up on this. There is a reason I came to see you. Can you remember our deal? You told me you would help me with this alchemy project if I get Grim to let you pet him."

He groans and crosses his arms. "Ugh... you didn't forget... Did you seriously find a way to get Mr. Grim to let me pet him? He always gets angry whenever I bring it up."

You nod, before turning to the door and calling out to your furry companion. "Grim! Come inside." 

Grumbling could be heard before Grim walked into Idia's room. Grim definitely didn't look happy. It looked like this was his walk of shame of to his execution. He really didn't want Idia to pet him, but the prospect of tuna kept him going.

Idia stared at Grim in disbelief, his mouth agape, before turning to you. "Y-You actually got him to listen to you? H-How did you get him to even move?? I swear, he acts like I'm trying to murder him or something!"

“Tuna usually works wonders for him.”

"Alright, let's get this over with. You better make sure that your hands are washed properly before you touch the Great Grims fur! And just one pet. That's it!" Grim said, crossing his arms and looking away while waiting for Idia to pet him so he could get the tuna you promised him.

With the speed of light Idia runs to the bathroom to wash his hands. Honestly, you have never thought he could move that fast.

After returning he walks up to the cat monster, carefully raising his hands. "Don't worry, my hands are as clean as they could ever be. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I'm not messing this up!"

He reaches out and finally pets Grim on the head. You watched as a wide smirk formed on Idia's blue lips before he let out that giggle of his, that could only be described as unsettling. "Whee hee...! I can't believe I unlocked the ultra-rare achievement 'Pet the Grim'."

Meanwhile, while Idia looked like he had the best day of his life, Grim only begrudgingly endured Idia's pet. 

"There, the petting session is over. You got what you wanted," Grim said jumping away from Idia, before turning to you, "Now where's my extra tuna?!"

"Stop thinking with your stomach for once, Grim," you answered scolding him slightly before you addressed Idia, "So will you help me with the alchemy project now?"

"Yeah, yeah, I can help you with that alchemy project. But don't expect me to do all the work. Got it? I'm not carrying you the whole way!"

A bright smile formed on your lips when you heard Idia say that. You are overjoyed that your plan worked and that Idia is now going to help you and Grim, which hopefully saves you two from failing your class.  "I wouldn't expect you to. We'll be doing our best!" 

Idia could feel the tips of his hair turning pink when he saw your reaction. "What an absolut cinnamon roll reaction...," he mumbled.

Before you could ask him to repeat what he said, because you didn't understand him, Grim suddenly raised his voice.

"I want my extra tuna-!!"

[chaosandmarigolds]

Dreamscape

(canon? whats that? we go with vibes in this house. Fem!reader, based off an amazing!! ask....um this is just sadness, I'm sorry.....if you want to add more sadness listen to Chasing Cars (yeah I cry to that song 99% of the time sorry))

One day..

With a grumble, he adjusted to the sudden shift of your body weight, to where you were essentially laying over him, and out of pure habit he wrapped his arm over the small of your back- only for you to whisper a soft ‘sorry’ before standing up all the way. Which caused him to think, it was a Saturday and there weren’t any Ops he had been assigned, so there was no purpose in waking up before the sun. So with a tilt of the head, he moves to sit up, watching as you tug out the duffle bag from the couch.

Maybe when the war is over…

“Love?”

You almost jump as your fiance calls the nickname and you turn around, giving him a little smile, “Good morning.”

Simon gives you a look as he turns on the lamp and watches your mannerisms, the timidness behind every movement, “Wha’s goin on?” A valid question, what had happened was that you and Johnny were assigned to what Price lightly put as a ‘suicide mission,’ and what you didn’t want to happen was for Simon to force then add himself to it- as it would then decrease your chances of survival by that much. So you falter for a moment, trying to avert your gaze. With a panicked breath you motion to the kitchenette, “I’ll make tea! Oh! And let’s use the special type, the one we got from Inida? Yeah! Yeah-”

Of course, the echoed whisper of your name made you stop your walk and you slowly turned to face him, your face downturned, you were an awful lair, you were never sent to integrations because you hated to see people hurt. And it killed you to see him searching for an answer, to see him scared for your sake- and for the great and terrifying Simon Riley…that was saying something.

Once the smoke settles…

“You’re not going.”

“It doesn’t-” You groan and throw your head into your hands, “It doesn’t work like that, you know that.”

“No, you’re not going, ‘ll take the spot,” He was grasping at broken shards of sense because he knew the choice was set in stone that not even a sword made of the purest of intentions couldn’t crack it. “Let me talk to-”

“SIMON.”

You take a sharp breath and look at him from across the room, by that time you were fully dressed, hair tied back, boots laced up. Engangment ring which was supposed to be switched out in less than a week hanging onto your dog tags. It took a moment to find the words but they were able to come after a moment, “There is no talking to Laswell or the Captain, there is no loophole, there is no replacing, there is nothing you can do. I have it covered. I do not need you to come and save me when I can save myself.”

Maybe once we got ourselves picked up…

The silence was stiff, and he then finally relented, slowly walking over to you, tucking the tags into your shirt, voice hushed, “Johnny ‘ll take care of ya.”

“I did…I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.” He pressed his lip to the crown of your head, “Jus lemme think I can save you from everythin.”

You stay silent, then with a short step you move to allow him to hold you, “You can.”

We can move somewhere far away, within the groves of tranquility …

You give Johnny a dull laugh as you walk down the rusted corridor, his laugh echoing through your earpiece. It was nice, laughing for what felt like the first time in forty or so hours, the mission was not even close to being finished and you were already running on steam. So obviously it was time for some lame jokes, “As much as fireworks sound fun, I don’t think I want that in my wedding.”

“Gah,” He chuckled from his spot, waiting for you to clear the hallway so he could follow, “Ghosty woulda lemme.”

“Oh yeah, Ghost would have loved it,” You return with a bitten-back laugh, and then turn the corner, leading with your gun, eyes looking over the blood splatters on the ground and you then whisper, “Clear.”

Before you could even blink the hiss of a gunshot hissed into your earpiece burning with such a pain you had to rip it out, hand going to your ear.

With a staggering step to catch your balance and blink the tears out of your eyes you were then met with a gun being shoved to the back of your head.

You never thought blinding light could hold such peace.

I would prefer our home to not be the shadows cast by the towering and rickety oaks, rather it be in the sun, lightened by new lives we could live

The carrier came back with supplies, no saved hostage, just two bodies left mangled by the enemy no captain even- the craft had been on autopilot.

A message, a warning left within that metal body.

The silence as the door swung itself open. They had all seen death, they had seen things no human should have seen.

There was something about the sight of their teammates laying tossed on the floor of an aircraft that made Kyle turn away

That made Price need a day before he filed the paperwork.

Something about it ruined Simon.

A large house ideally, so that way we can have as many kids and dogs as we want, something to usher in a new meaning behind our names

Silence is what he use to hold peace in, yet all he could hear when there was silence was the what-ifs, did you scream? Was it quick? Did it hurt? Why didn’t he go? Why did he let it happen?

That day he lost the only people he had loved and it was cursing him, bottles couldn’t cure it, opioids didn’t numb more than he had already been, nothing was saving him. He summed that up by saying maybe he didn’t deserve saving.

A garden, lively with bees and colorful with every flower I can manage to grow,

He couldn’t bring himself to go through your things, he was the next of kin, as for Johnny- all of his things had been shipped back to his family, yours? They sat where you had left them that morning you left, your notebook collecting desk on the coffee table, mug still half-filled with water. Lipstick stain still on his balaclava from the last time he took you out on a proper date.

In a drunken stupor, he grabbed the notebook, for the intention of tossing it away, forcing himself to forget every tiny detail of what was. But something told him to open up the pages, so for a millionth of a second he did, yet the sight of your handwriting which you would jokingly name ‘chicken scratch’ forever ingrained on the pages caused something in him to break all over again.

A porch where we can dance in the moonlight

“Riley.” John seemed shocked by the sight of the former lieutenant on his doorstep, sure he had offered ‘anything’ after the deaths, yet he never expected for Simon to take him up on it. For the first time in two years, for the first time since he had to discharge him, he saw what he thought was a completely sober man before him.

It was taking every ounce of Simon to not just turn away, to say it was a bad idea and run, run away from the emotions, but he was going to this…he had to. “You wanna build a house?”

A library so I can put all of those books you bought me, somewhere we can escape the haunting reality of the past

A year, he and John spent a year of work on the house once Simon found the perfect lot of land not too far out of London. Weekends spent from morning to dusk, John’s kids helping when they were in town and Eliza, John’s wife, coming by with food and to do the painting. The foundation has your name forever printed within it.

All of it sounds so poetic when I scribble them down, but the reality is as long as I have your love I am home

A garden he tended every morning and dusk to make sure they were perfectly planted, large enough to where the neighbors would come by to pick bouquets. He would watch the child run through the stone pathways, wondering what could have been.

The library was filled with novels he swore to collect, writing your name as the owner as he placed them in the rows of the shelving he took careful time carving.

I will love you forever and always, Ghost-boy

“You built a good home,” Kyle had told him, close to ten years after all of it had happened, sitting beside him on the porch. He knew it was probably the only thing that kept him alive this long, so he was thankful for it.

Simon nodded slowly, “Thank you.”

(annnyway, that’s all! Any and all comments, feedback and all that mean so much! Thanks for the ask!! <3)

[beiasluv]

f1 tropes that I daydream about

a/n: yes, i have d.l.s (dilf lover syndrome)

— dilf!jenson crushing on a younger reader. keeping things appropriate when he’s ripping his skin off inside. reader being this cheeky gal, playing innocent just to push his buttons. (wink) jokes aside, I just know that the tension is pregnant in the air. imagining wearing a dress he loves to a house party, he just needs to whip you out to a bathroom.

— princess treatment everyday from mr. button himself. hands on your waist, rubbing it in circles, keeping your skirt from rolling too high (in public) ‘darling’ just feels to wrong yet so right.

— teenage dirtbag!jenson going to frat parties and ended up crashing at your place. trying to be civilized and give him a proper treatment. while unbuttoning his shirt, he got it the wrong way (very much to your liking- and y’know what happens next 😉)

— dilf jenson, finding his pregnant reader and his dogs cuddling together. (I hate pregnancy trope but gah daium)

— rbr!sebastian being this meanie he always is, treating everyone like a fucking dick except reader. (or it could go another way that he treats reader like a fucking dick until tension explodes and they found themself in a compromising 😉 situation at a party, drunk and intoxicated. room screaming of sex.) long run is, reader felt like a fucking piece of meat, seb running after her to prove her wrong. princess treatment, darling, spoiling, you name it.

— your favorite german brat, being all slutty and flirty to his grid boyfriend (button/jenson) and you get jealous, pulling him for a heated kiss in the cool down room. seb just grinning to the kiss, tugging your hair harder.

— rbr!seb being all obsessed with his younger assistant/manager, can’t take her seriously for fuck’s sake. smiling like a fucking idiot even when she’s mad at him, so she just kiss him stupid to get him into his senses.

— sugardaddy!mark 😔🤭 he’s just your dumb himbo/dilf paying for your attention/happiness (fuck you to who ever say money can’t buy happiness) you got him wrapped around your fingers, girlbossing him all you want. (and he’s happy with it) until you fiddled too much with his patience (in a good way) he finally thinks he has to teach you some lessons and proves who actually wears the pants. 😉

— dilf!webber visiting your family’s house for a bbq. being the aussie he is, got assigned to take care of the grill, while you walk around in your promiscuous little dress. killing him in every way known to man.

— carlos sainz and innocent kink is my favorite McCombo. being a simp for you with his big brown eyes, what ever you say pretty boy. but just so you know that he can corrupt you whenever he wants.

feel free to use them, write them, daydream- tag me if you made something 🤭🤭

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Blurbs: Angel Eyes

————————————————————————-

Summary: You attempt to prank Joe, but his angel-like eyes and all-convincing pout have your prank backfiring.

Warnings: Fluff, pranks!

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagine Universe: Into the Mystic

A/N: Part 5 of blurb night!

————————————————————————-

No particular date for this blurb!

“Dinner time!” - you

Grinning as I paused the music playing over my speaker, I couldn't help but feel nothing but happiness watching my three boys run into the kitchen from the living room.

“Looks great, baby.” - Joe smiled

“Thanks, but I'm sure it won't look too good when you're cleaning it off plates later.” - you

“I don't care, that's our rule. If someone fixes it, the other cleans it. If we both cook, we both clean.” - Joe

I stood on my tiptoes and gave him a big kiss.

“Crap, I forgot drinks.” - you mumble, sighing

“You sit down, I’ll get ‘em.” - Joe

Before doing as Joe said, I got the twins into their booster seats and then sat down myself.

Joe walked back into the dining room just a moment later, his big hands allowing him to hold all four cups.

“Thanks.” - you

“Of course.” - Joe

Joe then put food onto all our plates, taking one of my hands in his when we started eating.

“Love you.” - Joe

“Love you too.” - you

——

After dinner, it was bath time for Tyson and Miles.

“We seriously need to order wet suits.” - Joe

“Why?” - you laughed

“They splash!” - Joe

“Oh, suck it up. Let's go.” - you

The tub was filled moments later, and Tyson and Miles climbed in. They were still young enough to bathe together - not like they would agree to do it separately anyway.

“Look!” - Tyson

Ty held up one of the plastic bath toys in Joe’s face, showing off his little tiger toy.

“That’s cool buddy. It’s like the mascot for the Bengals.” - Joe

“Yup!” - Tyson

Joe grabbed their mini basketball hoop out of the bath toy drawer and suction-cupped it to the shower wall.

“Can you make a basket, bubs?” - you

I handed Miles a mini-basketball, and he nodded and launched the ball across the shower.

Somehow making it in, Joe looked at me shocked.

“Gah-lee! Draft him to the league.” - Joe

“He’s got a cannon of an arm like his daddy does.” - you winked

Joe smiled and playfully rolled his eyes, handing Tyson a ball in the process.

“Let's start actually washing.” - you laughed

——

After getting the twins completely washed off and dried Joe and I headed to their room to get them dressed and ready for bed.

They wore matching pajamas, of course.

Miles and Tyson climbed into Tyson’s bed like they did every night for Joe to tell them a story. I laid down next to them and buckled up for the story Joe was about to tell.

“What kind of story do you guys want to hear tonight?” - Joe

“Lo- ve.” - Tyson

“A love story?” - you

Tyson nodded, so Joe continued.

“Okay. I’ll tell you my favorite one.” - Joe

He grinned, and not only did I know his devious smile was directed towards me, but I knew it meant he was up to something.

“One day, this boy, we’ll name him Joe, went to school.” - Joe

“That's your name!” - Miles

I immediately knew where this was headed, and I felt butterflies swarm my stomach.

“Yup. It was the first day of his senior year of high school. Not thinking much, he went to his first-period class. His teacher always made a boy and a girl sit together, and Joe thought he’d hate it, but it ended up being the best thing to ever happen to him.” - Joe

Both of the boys gasped, making Joe chuckle before he continued.

“Joe found his seat and saw that a girl he'd never seen before was sitting there. He thought she was beautiful, but Joe was focusing on football. Joe would soon find out that her name was y/n.” - Joe

“Like Mommy!” - Miles

“Yup, like Mommy. Joe and y/n talked the entire class, and they did that every day. They quickly realized that they had a lot in common and became best friends. Fast forward a bit, y/n wins homecoming queen, and Joe escorts her on the field. There, y/n called Joe her best friend… and told him that he was cute.” - Joe

There was another gasp from the twins, and I rolled my eyes with a smile on my face.

“Woah!” - Tyson

“I know, right? Not too long before that, Joe realized that he had a crush on her, but he just didn't know how to drop hints. After a little brainstorming, Joe asked y/n to the dance at school, but she already had a date.” - Joe

“Oh no!” - Tyson

“That's what Joe thought too, but the dance ended up being the best day of Joe’s life. The guy y/n went to the dance with ditched her, and Joe went alone. Y/n found Joe walking around in the hallways by himself, and she asked if he wanted to go see which teachers left their classroom doors open. Joe said yes, and y/n held his hand as they walked through the hallways. The chemistry door was open, which was the class they met in. They sat down at their table, and Joe realized it would be the perfect time to tell her how he felt. Joe told y/n he liked her, and y/n liked Joe too.” - Joe

Another gasp from Miles and Tyson, and I giggled at the look on their faces as Joe told the story of him and I getting together.

“Joe then asked y/n to be his girlfriend, and she said yes. Guess what happened next.” - Joe

“What?” - Miles

“They kissed.” - Joe

“Ew!!” - Miles

“Aww!” - Tyson

I laughed at their differing opinions, which were stated at the same time, and Joe did too, before giving me a wink.

“They live happily ever after?” - Tyson

“Yup. They got married and are still together to this day. They love each other very much. They're parents too, to twin boys.” - Joe

“Like me and Ty?” - Miles

“Mhm, and y/n is pregnant with a baby girl.” - Joe

“Like Mommy!” - Tyson

“Wait… is it about you and Mommy?” - Miles

Joe looked at me with a tiny smile on his face, the bling in his eyes making my heart flutter.

“Yes. That's how we met. The best day of my life.” - Joe grinned

——

“That was super sweet, Joey.” - you

“The story?” - Joe smiled

We had just walked into our bedroom from putting the twins to sleep, and my mind was stuck on Joe retelling the story of how we met.

“Yeah. I'm glad I got it right the first time.” - you

“Get what right?” - Joe

“Picking a boyfriend. We really said one and done.” - you laughed

“For real, but I’m glad too. Thank god for boy-girl seating chart teachers.” - Joe

Joe plopped onto the bed onto his stomach after pulling his shirt off, asking without words for me to lay down and scratch his back.

I walked over and leaned down, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades before waking over to the bathroom.

In our usual routine, Joe and I would shower together. We took the time to share some non-sexual intimacy while spending our uncommon alone time exclusively together.

But today, Joe’s getting pranked.

Walking into the bathroom, I shut the door and locked it behind me.

I rushed to set my phone up to start videoing, then turned the shower on.

Almost instantaneously, Joe was knocking on the bathroom door.

Looking at the camera and laughing, I let him knock a couple of times before opening the door.

“Baby? Are you showering without me?” - Joe

He had his bottom lip stuck out in a pout, giving me his classic pleading angel eyes. Joe knew that combo got him anything.

“I just felt like having some alone time.” - you

Joe’s mouth fell open as he stared at me, honestly looking offended.

“What?” - Joe

“I wanted some alone time.” - you chuckle

“You seriously don't want me to shower with you?” - Joe

I stepped up on my tiptoes and pecked Joe’s lips, patting his chest when I pulled away.

“Maybe next time, babe.” - you

Making sure I was off-camera, I started undressing and the look on Joe’s face made me feel sad.

Once I was fully undressed, I hopped in the glass shower and shut the door behind me.

I looked over at Joe only to find him staring right at me with the same pout on his face.

“Aww, c’mere. I was just joking. You can shower with me, baby.” - you

“That's what I thought.” - Joe mumbled

When Joe undressed and hopped into the shower, I pulled him into my arms and pressed kisses all over his neck and face.

“You were videoing that entire thing weren't you?” - Joe

“Of course.” - you grinned

“You’re going to be the death of me.” - Joe

“Good way to go out though, right?” - you

“The best.” - Joe smiled

————————————————————————-

Authors note: Next fic at 9:25!!!

Requests for this fic;

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Vaggie’s spear turns into a Child

Hi, pingasking-brhdft!

I was waiting for this to happen. @a-dauntless-daffodil knew what they were doing when they created this au!!! You want the spear turning into a kiddo? Let's get this party moving!

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

Vaggie: Hmmmm-hmmm-hm-hm-hmmmm~ *humming and sharpening spear after the battle* Aw, yeah! That's looking good.

Charlie: Vaggie, are you done fixing up your... spear....?

Vaggie: ....Why did you say it like that?

Charlie: Like what?

Vaggie: Like that? *cuts her hand on the spear's edge* Ah! Fuck!

Charlie: Oh, no! Vaggie, are you okay?! *rushes forward and cuts herself trying to check Vaggie's hand* Son of a bitch! *sucks her finger* Dat's shawp...

Vaggie: Yeah, I know. I just sharpened it.

-Bloods intermingle on the blade and pool into the small circle on the flat side of the steel. A bright light flashes through the room and a cloud of dust poofs in Vaggie's hands-

Vaggie: GAH!!! Fuck! My good eye! *blinks away the temporary blindness* Ugh... Charlie, are you okay?

Charlie: Ugh... Yeah, I'm good. *rubs the light out of her eyes and glances at Vaggie. Her eyes snap open as she sees a little baby with white skin, grey-purple wings, and white hair with blonde highlights* Uh.... Vaggie?

Vaggie: Yeah, babe?

Charlie: *points to the baby in Vaggie's lap* Baby.

Vaggie: Baby? *looks down and nearly jumps* WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A BABY HERE?!?!

Charlie: How should I know?!?!?! And don't swear in front of the baby!!!

Vaggie: What do we do?!

Charlie: I don't know!!! I've never seen a baby in real life!!!

Vaggie: HOW?!?!?!? Doesn't Hell have Hellborns?!?!?!

Charlie: I mean. We DO!!! But they aren't in the PRIDE RING!!! I'm not exactly going around to the other rings to go kiss babies, babe!!!

Spear Baby: *wiggles their head and looks up with pink and red eyes, flashing a two fanged smile as it reaches up with pudgy fists and coos*

Charlie: Awwwww!~ *takes the baby and cradles it in her arms* Who's a little cutie-pie?

Vaggie: I thought you hated that thing?

Charlie: I hated your SPEAR!!! This is a BABY!!!

[shares-a-vest]

@steddiemas Day 17: Accidental Kink Discovery (Smutty Sunday)

Rated: T for suggestive language/flirtatious banter (y'know me, more silly than spice!)

“I hate it!” Eddie spits through gritted teeth.

He shakes his fists to the heavens, which jingle-jangles the bells on the green hat, collar and shirt hem of his costume.

Steve chuckles from his vantage point on the edge of the bed, impossibly charmed by what is a faint tinkling to his own ears as Eddie grumbles at his reflection in the full-length mirror.

He rakes his eyes down the back of his boyfriend’s seething and tense frame. He stops at Eddie’s legs, looking positively gangly in a pair of green tights. Long, too, as they disappear up under a tiny pair of green shorts with a red felt trim and –

Oh, no.

Steve gulps.

“What?” Eddie snaps, whipping around.

He scrunches his nose like he could hiss.

“Nothing!” Steve splutters, folding his arms tight and shrugging as he tries not to think about Eddie in a complementary pair of festive underpants – 

Oh, no.

He puffs out a breath, looking anywhere but at Eddie and his scowl.

“I should have never let Joyce talk me into applying for a job at Melvad’s,” Eddie rambles, half-muttering his words, “Why couldn’t you have charmed Keith into giving me some shifts at Family Video? At least I wouldn’t have to dress as a goddamn elf.”

Jingle-jangle.

Steve looks up just as Eddie stomps his foot.

His shoes jingle-jangle too.

“Gah! Fuck!” Eddie curses and freezes on the spot, arms tight by his sides.

“I can’t help it if my work vest is already green,” Steve teases, shrugging innocently, “Besides, Keith currently has you banned for ‘distracting staff’.”

His air quotations only make Eddie bristle. He lifts his right hand, likely to worry with a lock of his hair. But his fingers snag his jester-like collar.

Jingle-jangle.

Eddie splutters away with what Steve can only assume is a series of incoherent expletives as he begins to hop on the spot to wrestle one shoe off and hurl it across the room.

At least that’s what Steve assumes Eddie’s full-body throw is intended to do. But the lightweight shoe only makes it about a foot before it softly falls to the ground.

Eddie shrieks and then dips his head to dry sob into his hands.

“I look so stupid,” he laments, “I don’t want to be an elf.”

He looks up all doe-eyed and Steve can’t help but think how nice his hair looks under the elf hat, his locks sitting in place to perfectly frame his face. Even if Eddie doesn’t want to be an elf, he looks cute as hell as one.

Fuck it. What happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom, right?

“Don’t worry,” Steve says, lowering from the bed to the floor, “It’s only for a few days, right?”

“What the hell are you doing!” Eddie recoils, glistening eyes going wide as saucers as Steve begins to crawl on his knees towards him.

Jingle-jangle.

He stops in front of his boyfriend and takes his hand, planting it on his shoulder before he dips down for the remaining shoe.

“Helping you take this off...” he explains, voice light as he wraps his hand delicately around Eddie’s ankle.

“Okay…” Eddie hums, raising a sceptical brow even if he shifts his weight onto Steve’s shoulder to steady himself.

Steve bites his bottom lip, trying not to so much as chuckle as every movement Eddie makes sounds off a series of tinny bell sounds. He removes the green felt shoe and tosses it over his shoulder, still holding Eddie’s ankle before carefully lowering it back to the ground.

He looks up, a smile turning to a smirk as Eddie gulps, his eyes flitting down to where Steve still has his hand wrapped around his ankle, soothing it now from the embarrassment and green.

“Stevie…” Eddie frowns.

Steve runs his hand up his green stockinged leg slowly, pausing only when his fingertips skirt the bottom hem of his tantalising green shorts.

“Oh my god!” Eddie exclaims, clawing at his shoulder, “You like this costume, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Steve smiles, running his free hand through his hair.

“Not possible,” Eddie insists, shaking his head and chopping a hand through the air before placing it right back on his shoulder.

Jingle-jangle.

“I do,” Steve insists, flicking a bell on the hem of his shirt now.

“Don’t jingle it,” Eddie spits, jaw clenched.

“What if I jingle you…” he begins, tilting his head to the side as he looks him over, “All the way…”

“Gross!” Eddie shrieks, “That is the worst line you have ever…”

He trails off, a visible blush creeping up his neck as Steve allows his hand to breach the hem of those shorts.

“But,” Steve bites, pressing his fingers into Eddie’s skin, “You have to be a good elf, okay?”

He watches as a myriad of emotions run through Eddie’s eyes before he lands on a similar ‘fuck it’ attitude and goes along with it.

“Sure thing, Santa,” Eddie soon coos, dimples dotting his cheeks as he offers a cherubic smile and a two-finger salute.

Jingle-jangle.

“You have been the naughtiest elf in my workshop,” Steve teases, popping the ‘p’ as he reaches around to grab at Eddie’s ass.

Eddie lurches forward, Steve’s face now flush with his scratchy polyester shirt front.

Jingle-jangle.

[thegoldencontracts]

Hey! I love your writing and was wondering if I could please request something myself?

Perhaps something where the reader finds out Azul is ticklish?

No pressure ofc^^ I’ll enjoy anything you write. Thank you!

- 🐙

Of course, thank youu for the request! I love the idea of him getting sooo embarrassed and ofc teasingly "oblivious"!reader bc I'm a sucker for flustered Azul and of course PININGGG

That's Preposterous!

Summary: Azul always seems so- perfect, always calm and in control. So when you find a new way to break his composure, you can't help but tease him about it.

Notes: So lovely to write, tw for tickling in case it's a trigger for you

Azul was always calm. Always in control. There was no denying that. You loved that side of him, all those talents, his voice, his grades - all obtained through hard work.

But you also loved to see the little cracks in his composure. The Azul beneath the mask of a perfect businessman. You'd made a little mental scrapbook of all these occasions, like you he blushed when you called him beautiful, or the way he got pouty whenever someone talked about his mess-ups during flight class. You seriously loved seeing those little slip ups.

...Seven, you were so crushing on him. You could practically hear Ace laughing at you for not just confessing already. But that wouldn't happen, because Azul would probably just reject you on the spot. He always talked about how dumb love was, after all.

For now, you'd just have to be satisfied with continuing to try and break through his composure. And hey, sometimes, it worked!

Like now. You were studying with him in the as, and while trying to reach for a book behind Azul, and you accidentally grazed his midsection.

The yelp you received was priceless.

"Huh?" You asked, though a second later, it was pretty apparent what happened. You could feel the grin stretch across your face. Getting that book wasn't important. Right now, you'd just found a new way to break through Azul's composure.

"Azul."

It was lilting, teasing, even, and Azul pretty quickly began to realize what you'd realized.

Azul Ashengrotto was ticklish? Another weakness to add to your little mental scrapbook.

"Is something wrong, Azul?" You asked in the most innocent-sounding voice you could muster.

Azul's eyes narrowed.

"I'm certain you understand the issue," he said, though no amount of defensiveness could hide the way his cheeks were turning red.

Somehow, you felt even more smug than before. This was going to be fun.

"No, no," you said. "Something has to be wrong! Maybe, you're sick? Let me check your temperature."

And so, you skittered your fingers all over his midsection, making it pretty evident that you did not, in fact, think he was sick, and were simply trying to mess with him, because people usually didn't usually check for a fever on the stomach.

Azul kept his lips stubbornly pressed shut, though he still ended up letting out a yelp right before he pushed your hands away.

"C-Cease this at once," he said, cheeks now bright red.

"Why?" You asked, and just as he was about to retort, you poked at his stomach. "Are you sore here or something? If so, I can always help!"

You sounded so innocent there it was actually impressive. Azul, meanwhile, couldn't hold in his laughter anymore.

"S-Shut it, you a-absolute-" Azul cut himself off with laughter. "Creti- Gah!"

Just as he was about to call you a cretin, you upped your attack, sending him into a full-on giggling fit.

"Really, Azul, tell me, what's happening? Why exactly are you laughing so hard? Did I say something funny?"

Azul glared at you as if to say 'How the fuck do you expect me to reply when I'm laughing too hard to talk', though it was hard to take him seriously when his cheeks were bright red and he had the biggest - forced, but still - smile on his face.

You still slowed down. You didn't want to actually cause him pain, after all. As much as you hated to admit it, you loved him way too much for that.

Finally slowing your assault, you shot Azul what was probably one of the coolest looking impish grins of all time.

"So," you started. "Is something wrong, Azul?"

It seemed like the dots had finally connected in Azul's brain. There was only one way to get out of this.

He'd have to admit he was ticklish.

"I-I'm afraid I'm rather..." He trailed off, ducking his head in embarrassment. You weren't having any of that. You scratched a finger under his chin, making him look up with a yelp. "Ticklish."

His face was bright red, eyes looking anywhere but you, and his hair ruffled. You couldn't help but grin as you finally removed your fingers. He looked so- mesmerizing like this.

"Glad to see you admitted it," you said, because the oblivious act had served it's purpose.

Azul just glared at you, but the pout on his face made it much less intimidating.

"Don't speak a word of this to anyone," he said. "Do you understand- Gah!"

You cut him off with a quick poke, and he looked at you incredulously.

"Aww, is Azul embarrassed that he-"

"Get out!" He said, voice cracking midway. He was really embarrassed about this, wasn't he?

You were going to stop for now, though. Or else you feared he might just explode considering how red his face was getting.

"Fine, fine."

As you left the office, though, you managed to catch a glimpse of Azul's fond smile, his little goodbye wave while he thought no one was looking.