#maybe im just looking for issues to be sad about
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#don't let them see this!#i dont know what we look like#the body is. weird.#i hate it#why cant i be like how i used to? forgetting to eat for days? what happened to being able to thrive off of tea for three days?#maybe im just looking for issues to be sad about#i always loop back to being miserable but hey!!! my vent account. if i annoy you. oh well!#sigh the crave be. sickly thin.#boney! then i could look unnatural then i could look creepy then i could be how i want#i could look sick instead of just feeling sick#i wish i wasnt miserable i do want to be happy and i want to just Thrive and Not Worry#however. gah.#it was nice to look in the mirror though. with that dress on.#i wish gender didnt exist and bodies and everything i wish i could just exist and be silly#run around in fun frilly clothes and be Me finally and not so Sad and Mad and Not Me#i wish i could be me in real life but oh no. people exist. but oh no. i am a person.#i should learn how to make masks#i remember when i was in 4th grade i wore a dumb and ugly mask for 3 days until i was banned from doing that#i was bullied for it but. god. masks. it was so nice to just latch off of the former identity and wear it to play a character sort of?#ive been getting better with anxiety but. urgh.#one day i will be able to wear a mask out in public and i will be able to play the character i wish without difficulties#ive been fronting for a while now#simply plural says 233 hours#im shaking its cold and i hate having such strong feelings#i like those photos of the clouncil because i hope that can be me and my buddies one day#maybe i'll get a little better with my hearing and i'll understand things better and maybe it wont be so hard to go out in public maybe i'll#be able to be happy with my friends and Chill and not worry so much#i hope i have a future and i hope my future has that
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NEECH HAS FILLERS?!!??!
Yeah it’s the bane of my existence 😔
#some of it is probably weight gain which is cool and sexy and I don’t have an issue with#but you cannot convince me those are his god given lips#also in that green suit from the finale he looks like a balloon about to pop im sorry#and that’s not about size or shape that’s just like his skin looks like it’s straining against him and not sitting how… skin sits#if that makes sense#also most of these are old bc I haven’t screenshotted boynetra in a while#but I’ve started noticing it a lot with current Anetra makeup and especially in the lips and it makes me sad#I am fundamentally less attracted to Anetra with fillers than I am Anetra without#and it’s his body he can do what he wants I’m just a person and a lesbian at that#but I do miss pre filler neech#Anetra#neech#drag race#rpdr#rupaul’s drag race#rpdr 15#drag race 15#RuPaul’s drag race 15#ask#asks#scrunklyshinyguy#boynetra#idk maybe I’m crazy and there’s no fillers but I know I’m not the only person who thinks she has them
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idk who needs to hear this, but if it hasnt already been done i want to clear up some things
Fashion Dreamer is not Style Savvy. BUT. It’s created by Syn Sophia, just like Style Savvy was. So, if you’re still holding out for a title that’s specifically called Style Savvy it’s time to give up, because it’s very safe to assume that Fashion Dreamer is meant to be Style Savvy’s spiritual successor. This may be due to influencers and other internet personalities being way more popular than wanting to run a store among children these days.
so… yea. ^_^
#style savvy#fashion dreamer#its even called Fashion Dreamer in japanese and not Girls Mode so its not a licensing issue or anything#its just an entire new game#im worried about the gameplay#but im assuming itll be like style savvy where you help ppl w fashion dilemmas#but instead of selling them clothes#they ask you for advice because youre trusted in the fashion community#and you pick out clothes for them there#and then as an influencer you also get to model#and maybe collab w companies to design clothes?#and like. Idk. Debut as an idol??#idk. I think they can still keep a lot of the old gameplay intact this way#theres games where you can model and games where you do hair and games where you do makeup#and games where you run boutiques#but style savvy was the only game that had all of these in one package PLUS a super cute style#and good skin tone options!!!!#and thats what makes it special to me#and now you can be a BOY…. and a GOOD LOOKING BOY!! The boys in the old games were SCUFFED. Except dominic. Dominic was cute#so the only thing im sad abt is i was hoping maybe you could choose from 3 different body types#maybe next console…#cici
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mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.
#it was so good tho#like so cool i was internally freaking out about how cool things looked#the fight scenes🤌#the environments/settings🤌#all of the fuckin machinery🤌#the acting🤌#the everything🤌#yum#also i dont find austin butler attractive but funnily enough feyd was the only time ive found him hot😭 yes i have issues. but like. okayyy..#i watched it alone and i wish doing things alone wasnt seen as such a weird or sad thing like. theres nothing wrong with it#sorta vent->#but basically ive been feeling like an annoying piece of shit so ive been staying off of here for the most part#because ive been convincing myself no one likes me and everyone in my life would be better off without me😝😝#just tee bee ehch#and idk i was just feeling like ass and was doing nothing and when i finally would go to use tumblr i was already too tired to do shit#so i just went to sleep#and i was busy today#yesterday*#and ill probably be a bit busy today too but idk maybe hopefully ill catch up a bit#idk ya boys just been hating himself like usual but not as usual bc it was worse but it is what it is#i felt a bit better yesterday though#and also my new antidepressants ive been on havent been doing shit for me so im going back to a previous one i used to be on so yea#hopefully that helps soonish idk#i never vent on here so i feel kinda bad for doing so but i just wanted to puke my thoughts here#also since im already here complaining ive just like. not written at allllllll basically like i got into my head and made myself discouraged#so. that sucks. but also nothing out of the ordinary there#why does Everything i say sound so embarrassingly depressing and pathetic hhhhhhhgggggggggggggghhhghghg#anyways yea i was doing bad im still not doing good but hopefully will be a bit better so ill be back and caught up later today or tomorrow#idk if anyone gave a fuck or noticed but i just like complaining into the void so yea#talkin shit
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#went to a houseparty this evening and one of my pals started talking about being pro palestine but in a genocide the jews way#and its just made me really sad because what happened to just valuing human lives#what happened to being pro not genociding people at all#why have i got to listen to friends say they think my bfs family should be killed just bc they fall on the wrong side of the tiktok argumwnt#like im not pro killing anyone on either side i think its a really complicated issue#just sucks to have friends look you in the eye and tell you ur family should be murdered when at the end of the day#everyone that isnt the israeli government specifically is just a person looking for a home in a world that doesnt believe they deserve one#and thats true of Israelis and Palestinians respectively bc theres people on both sides of that argument#since when did saying i dont think murdering the jews is the answer become wrong? why cant i be anti israels government#and anti palestinian genocide#and anti jewish genocide#maybe im just a fucking hippie but i just dont believe in any genocide sorry???
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as a huge spyro year of the dragon fan i Hate the reignited trilogy they took all the charm and nostalgia out of it BUT ... spyro's walking/running animation ? they perfected that.
#qktalks#world's most satisfying animation i could watch him hop around like that for hours. he's so ........ noodle-like#but they also took away his slow wing-flap animation from the original#like the one that's used when he's just standing there. he flaps his wings out very slowly in a constant rhythm#they took that away too. garbage game 0/10 /silly#they also made hunter .......so fucking ugly ?? whyd they do that to him . he didn't deserve this#for people unfamiliar with spyro look up spyro 3 original hunter vs reignited hunter you'll wanna vomit#idk i feel like reignited just didn't need to be made ?#a port of the original woulda been fucking BOMB. im of the opinion that old games don't Need to be remade#they just need to be ported/remastered or Whatever. and maybe tinkered with a Little if some aspect of the game was horrid for any reason#but also im of the opinion that u CAN do a good remake. if ur careful.#i don't think spyro needed all those graphic upgrades or that cartoonish realism#yeah the environments r pretty and they did a fine job w that i don't have an issue with the environments i have an issue w the characters#overall i think ?? bianca was done pretty well. she looks similar enough in face-shape to 3's original design#can't rly pinpoint anything in particular that's strange abt her. maybe her eyes? but idk what they coulda done differently#the sorceress is fine ... i kinda wish they made her head a little wider and kept the gradual change in scale color intact but#she's okay too#the fairies look bad<33333#spyro himself .... he looks okay ?#there's something Different about his face shape i kinda wish they'd kept everything a bit .... smaller? idk how to describe it#but it doesn't bother me that much i think they did a good job. lord knows they did better than skylanders .............#i also have an issue with the animations in general#idk how to explain it but the Way the characters move ............. it irks me#it's just so unnatural ? how they move and gesture when they talk? it's not Bad Animation it looks rly good graphically speaking#but idk. this isn't a spyro thing in particular it's just that animation style that i dislike#playing reignited just makes me sad. playing the original comforts me. playing reignited makes me sad that im not playing the original#u can remake an old game made of approximately 18 polygons and make it look good AND make it look like the original#u just have to be careful about the geometry and the level of detail and the eye shapes
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crazy to experience tangential fatphobia like yeah my parents are fat. what does that have to do with me??? also yeah of course im going to kill you with nails now like i literally love those people???
#it makes people really uncomfortable for some reason like some of us love fat people???#like the fact that i have GOOD memories about my parents weight + got sad when they tried dieting bc i didnt want them to change it#when i was a kid especially makes people like. squirm? sorry for loving fat people?#or how im putting on weight now and am starting to look like my mom and this doesn't scare me??#like yeah i dont look at my beautiful mother and see a warning??? what is wrong with you people#there is poison in the brain i swear like no i wasnt happy that doctors pressured my father in risky weight loss surgeries???#hes my dad i dont want him to undergo risk medical procedures for bad reasons? i actually dont like risking his health and happiness??#ALSO SIDE NOTE and then bc my parents are fat when i date fat people people go Oh Daddy/Mommy issues and like no guys#thats not how that works at all maybe fat people just dont want to date you bc you keep making it weird#tad talks
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the craziest thing is even w this breakup i still feel like this is sooo my year ilke i have never been sentient and awake like this until 2024
#like yeah im sad but this is infinitely better than any other time in my life#generally speaking#which is a good thing#also im thining about it and i know tis partly just cuz the weahter was better#but like im sooo tired of mourning her#like im bored of it. and im finally starting to think ill get over her like shes just starting to feel like a dream now#but i dont know if thatll change if i see her again#i actually did see her this week and i think we made eye contact but i went to my phone and so did she#usually i try to say hi but every time i do she becomes so awkward like she would much rather be anywhere else than looking at me#and i think ive realized my issue isnt that were broken up entirely. its that i dont think she wants to even try to be somewhat normal abou#the situation#like im thinking about and i think this is whats hurting me the most now that weve broken up#cuz like yeah she still says hi if i say hi first but its like the way she holds herself and the way she looks anywhere but at me once she#realizes im existing in front of her#and it makes me SO sad and ruins my day every time i wave hi and she does that thing so thats why i decided not to wave hi that time#and i did cry a little but honestly it was like i felt so numb#i think the only reason i cried was cuz my brain saw an opportunity to cry and think about the breakup#but other than that i dont think i actually felt much of anything like the crying felt super forced#which i think is a good sign#but yeah i think my issue at this point now is just that like she isnt even trying to act normal and i get it like how do you act normal yk#but like at the very least i feel like if you could just act normal when you wave hi to me would be fine you know.#like its not that big of a deal just say hi and then we go our separate ways. we dont need to do that whole 'ohhh lala looking around OH ha#didnt see you there! um ok hi. ok time to look away'#and its not like she DOESNT say hi when i say hi to her. its just teh way she holds herself#like she wants to pretend we dont know each other. idk how to explain it#cuz if i say hi she still says hi but she justlooks at me like she wants me to be invisible#yeah anyway all of this to say i think im doing better maybe
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I have obtained a new oc and in the process I've already signed myself up for needing to make at least 3 new ocs for his story which he now has despite me initially Intending for him to be a side character for a different side character to hang out with. My townhouse has over 200 characters on it.
#rat rambles#oc posting#he doesn't have an official name yet but he is my silly billy and I love him#also take every him with an asterisk again he's like super new (I just got him today)#although several elements of his story so far have been things Ive been wanting to do for a while so thats a part of why I have so many#ideas for him already since its some stuff I've been wanting to play around with for a while#the real reason he has a chokehold on me rn is that I tripped and made him my 500 thousanth character with identity issues#I <3 characters with a fucked up relationship with their sense of self and what it even means to be themself#oh hes also a magic cat world character because thats what like 90% of my ocs are from at this point lol#and another goop related guy but this time not directly related to every other goop guy#he doesnt interact with any of them or even know most of them exist#long story short hes a robot who used to not be a robot but remembers nothing abt his life before he turned himself into a robot#all he has as reference is a mostly ruined journal his past self kept that is almost entirely unreadable due to it getting soaked in goop#he knows that this was self inflicted and his approximate age but that's abt it in terms of useful information#early story is mostly just him traveling alone trying to see if anyone nearby knows who he is but after going through like 5 or so towns he#starts to get more worried and upset about the whole situation and starts trying to look into some different missing person reports in#hopes that he can find one of himself#he runs out of the savings he had on him pretty quickly though so he had to figure out how to stay afloat while doing his research#'luckily' he meets a man while looking into one case he found who was willing to let him stick around at his place while looking into it#this guy had some investment in these dissapearances because he suspected that they related to his father and hoped to find any sort of#window in what he was up to since he hadnt seen him since he ran away at around 17#spoilers his dad is cake this is still connected to cake nonsense because everything in this world fucking does but the main boy himself#actually has no ties to cake or his activities so thats smth at least#but yeah long story short things get. real bad for my boy after the first few months of staying at this guy's place.#yknow how risa in the future was often used as a weapon of war using some unstable chemicals? yeah guess where that started.#mr daddy issue haver over here may understand that his dad is a bad person but evidently that doesnt stop him from being not much better#currently Im planning on having main boy escape eventually and get stuck in the non magic world where he meets april but that could change#it depends on if I want him to interact with the other stories going on at all or not#I probably wont but I would like to leave myself some wiggle room to let him meet more side characters#like (looks with big sad wet eyes) ginger maybe? please? please april? let me see your sister? that you havent seen in years? please?
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jungkook fics i can read all night all day seven days a week.
(a recommendation you didn’t know you needed) ₊⊹ ๋࣭ ⭑⚝
Vows Of Betrayal ౨ৎ by @tljunglebook
— contract marriage au, enemies to lovers, romance, smut, angst.
(I will never not scream about this! this is my current favourite read! the enemies to lovers really hits in this one! AND THE SMUT SCENES ARE SO GOOD THEY MADE ME PREGNANT SO I RECOMMEND!) 😩💳
Inevitable ౨ৎ by @ahundredtimesover
— exes to lovers, second chance, parents au, angst.
(this happens to be the cutest story I’ve ever read, the longing and angst is so good!) 🥺🫶🏼
Dextrocardia ౨ৎ by @jeonstudios
— enemies to lovers, fake marriage, cop au, angst.
(this story should be arrested for being so damn good! i love how intense the enemies phase is before they start softening towards each other, the way the author managed to portray the patriarchal issues through this story is incredible, i never thought i’d say this but im an anti of jungkook in this story 😤😡 he better apologise with crocodile tears otherwise he can say goodbye to y/n.
You’re Still Mine ౨ৎ by @wattpadauthour
— workaholic husband jungkook, marriage in trouble trope, second chance.
(THIS STORY IS GONNA BE MY FOREVER FAVOURITE FOR A LONG LONG TIME! NO MATTER HOW MANY STORIES I READ I WILL ALWAYS GO BACK TO RE-READ! LIKE READ IT RIGHTAWAY IF YOU HAVENT! 😤)
Four-Seven-Eight ౨ৎ by @jiminrings
— marriage in crisis, angst, more angst, fluff.
(the heartache you’re gonna feel while reading this is no joke, i really felt sad for the y/n here (and cried a river) AND I LOVE IT WHEN BOOKS MAKE ME CRY LIKE THE WORLD IS ENDING TOMMOROW 😻💋 you know its gonna be worth it)
Time After Time ౨ৎ by @hiseyestell
— doctor au, she fell first but he fell harder (but much later), fluff.
(by far the most realistic fanfic I’ve read, jungkook is so cold that you wanna smack him in his stupid head, the female oc is so smitten with him its adorable but sad at the same time) ☹️
His Clumsy Secretary ౨ৎ by @hwangguemfictions
— grumpy x sunshine, he fell first and harder, office romance, major angst.
(this fanfic is criminally good! especially the bgm, the dialogues, the way he’s just so endeared with her, this is a big smash!) 🤰🏻🫦
The Deepest Marks Of Essence ౨ৎ by @lleldey
— tribe leader jungkook, yandere au, smut, angst.
(my favourite writer for a reason! 🫴🏼 i can never stop obsessing over yer unique storylines and writing, she’s my new favourite tbh and this story will convince you as well) 🤭💕
Marrying The Vicount ౨ৎ by @taevjim
— rich man x poor girl, regency era au, smut, filthy fluff.
(my two worlds colliding fr! this author wrote it so beautifully 😍🤌🏻 jungkook as a vicount tho (im already crying between my legs) this is like a fever dream come true, this is so effing good that i think no words are fair enough, maybe you should take a look yourself! (i swear this is worth the read!!!!)
#bangtan#bts jungkook#jeon jungkook#jungkook x reader#jungkook#bts army#bts fic#bts#jeon jungkook smut#jungkook fluff#jungkook scenarios#jungkook x oc#jungkook angst#jungkook smut#jungkook x you#yandere jungkook#jungkook fanfic#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook recent#jeongguk#jungkook jeon#bts scenarios#bts angst#bts fluff
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in another life id of done wrestling
#the bin#literally always wanted to. maybe cause im a lesbian lol#but alas i have joint disorder and also other disorders so its not possible :(#its fun. i did some once and it was fun and i always wanted to do more but didnt have the opportunity#literally i dont think anybody would guess this about me based of how i am usually bc of my demeanor but like#ugh. it makes me sad#i have like 0 interest in most wrestling stuff bc theres just. so many issues with it (misogyny for the most part) but womens wrestling is#cool a lot of the time. idk. wrestling that really puts the performance part into it. cause its like. not just ppl beating each other up#tho it is that too (and thats fun also lol)#i dont talk abt it much anywhere but i should more i think#my sisters sort-of-ex-boyfriend/current best friend is really into wrestling and its made her interested so ive been thinking abt it more#bc im finally gonna have someone to be into ut with me#like. just LOOK at womens wrestling and tell me its not cool. u cant. its gr8#and the clothes are super cool like wow#also its like so fucking gay like oh my god#why does god hate me and everything i wish to do and be?#me as a child deciding not to do wrestling bc my body is in constant pain for some reason and i feel dizzy a lot so itd a bad idea#and then doing gymnastics instead which just fucked up my joints real bad#well. at least i didnt get to do ballet. i wanted to so bad but itd of messed me up even worse 4 sure#tbh the main reason i didnt do wrestling is bc i knew my mom wouldnt get it and would prob say no and think its weird cause she had#expressed that she didnt get it before. but i guess in the long run its good#ugh whyd my childhood crush have to do gymnastics. my being gay only made my joints worse! noooooooo
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STARCROSSED PT2 +ੈ✩‧₊˚ LOGAN HOWLETT.
logan and y/n — where you are completely in love with a man older then you’re father by a good century or so.. whose completely in love with another.
- content warning age gap (is legal) drinking. explicit. swearing. dirty humour. comfort (an ounce). drugs. nsfw. sick. body issues. sh. angst.. maybe happy endings?! pairings: older!logan howlett x xaiver!reader. logan howlett x jean grey.
spoiler: insane yearning and angst i’m sorry im too far gone ☹️ happy ? where.
note this is part two to starcrossed, prepare for even heavier angst!🫶🏻 i didn’t realise how sad this was until i finished the chapter and realised holy shit this is long. part three is already in the works. i hope u enjoy it! make sure to read pt1. it’s a bit diff from the first one but i hope u like it still. also if you’ve seen the movie ten things i hate about u the mid bit of this might remind u of that one scene if u get me :) song: need you now by lady a cos i was listening to it and jeff buckley whilst reading this? also on the timeline im going for like xmen 2 time i think?
tags — @faceache111 @malfoys-demigod @navs-bhat @dilfismz @thisbipuff-isaswiftie @twinky-wink @thewiselionessss @thecraziestcrayon @awhoreforalotofshows @emily-b @jae48 @cxptainbuck @444st4rg1rl 🫶🏻
[i hope you like it!!]
you’d absolutely love to believe that what you heard last night wasn’t what happened but as your mind goes over the previous night as you fought yourself to stay awake during your fathers little class your brain couldn’t forget the continuous moans and little yells that you heard from a few rooms across from your own at the mansion for a good hour or two last night. you can’t help but figure out that logan most certainly found jean and just thinking about it made you feel sick. scott being the main thing on your brain after you got over the fact logan most definitely fucked jean last night.
she was a cheater. what else could you expect? your thoughts swirling in your brain causing an indescribable amount of heart ache as you kept yourself completely quiet and withdrawn from whatever was going on in this lesson, rogue clearly being able to tell you were off as she glanced at bobby giving him a look you picked up on — him shrugging his shoulders in return as you cursed your sadness for being so obvious.
just the thought of jean and logan staring at eachother hurt you but her touching him, his hands over her skin, her lips on his, his mind only on her in that moment and his gaze locked into hers as she let him take her yet again enraged you to another level it was a struggle not to jump into his mind and find out exactly what happened but you couldn’t, you wouldn’t. your brain fighting with your heart in every way as you felt sick with all those pictures of the scenario you were forming for yourself.
so from that knowledge as you sat in class you knew you needed to stop liking him for good. he didn’t like you, he was throwing it in your face. you heard it all and it hurt you too much to bare. you didn’t even wanna look at him — that single thought of contact sending you crazy. you couldn’t even bring yourself to see him today. you didn’t want too, you couldn’t. seeing jean as you passed through the kitchen earlier was enough to make you nearly cry and immediately stop that tiny breakfast you had made.
you really couldn’t deal with this. one bit. you never did well with emotional pain — physical was something you could endure, yet emotional was always something you couldn’t stomach ever since you were a little girl.
+ੈ✩‧₊˚
you'd been avoiding him like the plague. literally. whenever you saw him at the end of the halls you'd turn the other away, force a little smile and act like you had somewhere to go if you were in conversation and it had been like that for two weeks. two weeks had passed since one of your normal conversations, the friendly chats you admired in your brain and made out to be more, the little touches he'd give you that you couldn't comprehend was only a friend thing to do, the way he'd hug you.. the deep conversations, the way he'd sometimes kiss your forehead before you left for bed, watching the rain together and just joking together all something you had put in the past. that had been gone for two weeks and to say it was breaking you would be an understatement.
you could tell others has noticed the practical borderline dissociation within you since you had been a little mute recently not that it was specially due to logan (it completely all was) but you didn't want it to be obvious, you hated that it could be perceived that way so you knew you had to do something about it. who knew heartache for one that didn't love you back could destroy you this badly from the inside out?
.. and today was no different on the logan front. you saw him once today in the halls ushering something to hank — the two in bustling conversation and you made sure not to risk it by going to class, to upset over it all to deal with another short horrible conversation where you were nothing but cold to him as you tried to cut down any romantic feelings you had for him. every time you spoke now you could see the confusion and frustration in his eyes, the mental image to much to bare as you went on hiding in your room and pondering and that’s where you had been since — buried in clothing choices as you tried to stomach down the anxiety that had been growing in you over the fact it was jeans birthday party today and you would have to make an appearance after you had been a hermit since you’d got your heart broken by a guy that didn’t even know. rogue and bobby being the only two people you had really spoke too since the shut down yet their concern had been growing annoying as rogue clearly told bobby about the little crush she could’ve guessed, and got out of you when the two of you were high together a few months ago, you had on logan. bobby actually giving you little options of guys you could date to get over someone which was all you needed to hear when you realised rogue had told him as he literally mentioned hank who they knew you recently hiked with since he had been bothering you over your melancholy, yet you had left before it was a full fledge little argument.
just the thought of having to socialise with him and the others and step out of the hole you’d built for yourself to hide in irritated you especially for jean of all people’s party, your ‘smidge’ of hatred for the woman who had really been rude to you since she’d known you not because of logan, because god on that front she wins and it feels like she’s married to him despite her ties to scott, but on the power front. she knew you had powers incomparable to hers that you hardly even showcased magneto being someone who taught you many things when you were younger, your own parents being raven and charles. of course you had powers which were indescribable.
and most of the time you wanted to use it on that bitch. you were lucky she couldn’t get into your twisted mind to find that fact out.
you let out a little sigh as you decided on the black mini skirt and sweater — you finally having an excuse for the fall outfit and lack of dress because it was october which has always been your favourite season and best time of year yet this year that didn’t apply because you haven’t been hardly able to enjoy it because of isolation you’d forced yourself into.
y/n had to swallow her own self pity down as she leaned over to her perfume bottle on the drawer next to her mirror as she took in the image of her body in the skirt. her shrinking body, a scoff leaving her lips as she wasn’t happy with what she saw in the reflection. she never could be. the aroma of the perfume not masking her feelings at all as she put on some dc martens paired with black tights. the perfect little outfit yet she was sure jean would be outshining her on that front. god she didn’t even wanna imagine logan’s eyes being locked onto jean tonight, the heart ache already unbearable to comprehend as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat. that aching feeling hadn’t gone away since the start of knowing logan the way she did, maybe that was a sign from the people above about how destined it was.. or how not it was.
these muddled thoughts led her too some early drinking as if she wouldn’t be getting shitfaced later. pregaming alone which is a bit self pity full as she swallowed the burning liquor down her throat, the whiskey hitting her softly and slowly enough to give her the confidence to leave her room twenty minutes later for this party.
+ੈ✩‧₊˚
the decorations were perfect, the present corner was overflowing and the students and people were everywhere. jean being clearly the popular girl from the looks of this party, as if y/n already didn’t know that, as the blasting music just made her more aware of the scenario she was in as she fought the urge to look around the room for logan as she went straight over to the bar that had been made. the party was the perfect one a girl, woman, could ask for and y/n could feel the jealously bubbling already that she bit down as she forced a friendly smile to join her lips.
walking through the dancing groups of people, there hardly even being any spaces to walk unless you wanted to bump into a coked up or insanely drunk teenager or wade. who she was lucky to get past without having to talk to yet, no matter how much she did like and enjoy his company she couldn’t deal with his jokes right now which she could guess who’d they’d be centered around, she knew he knew to some extent she was just lucky he hadn’t out rightly said it. that would be too much pity for her to deal with, that coming from wade being another level of pathetic.
the second she leant against the bar she managed to grab the busy barmaids attention giving her a soft nod and polite smile as she didn’t notice the figure beside her as she asked for a coke and vodka.
“thank god you’re showing your face — i thought i was going to have to clone you to get a good conversation.” hank rolled out his tipsiness showing as he pulled y/n into a tight hug when he was sat down on the stool. y/n letting out a low chuckle as she hugged him back nicely, his presence being a little surprise she tried not to seem so bothered about.
“hiya hank.” y/n said softly as the barmaid came over with her drink, placing it next to her. “thanks.” y/n nodded out as hank placed his hand on the stool next to him as she immediately grabbed it and took a swig.
“come! sit.” he ushered in with a drunken smile on his face, a bright one as usual, as he patted the bar stool next to him inviting her to sit and before y/n could even speak up in reply as she slid down on the stool hank bit in.
“where the hell have you been?” he abruptly said bluntly, putting a little look on his face off one that’s pissed off as y/n felt the guilt rush through her as she wrapped her fingers around the glass drowning her truth in the drink as she took a big sip off the liquor acting as if that didn’t taste appalling as she shrugged her shoulders at hanks obvious question which has an obvious answer to that she’d play off as a stupid claim if questioned about it.
“—i’ve been busy! controlling powers— small missions, and that.” y/n lied out.
hank furrowed his eyebrows at his words, giving her a knowing look before he shook his head swiftly at what she said. seeing right through her little lie he truly knew nothing much about what the truth was or not as he took a little sip of his beer.
“i know you but i’m not pushing it— rather you bite of logan’s heads rather then mine.” hank said out lowly as y/n’s eyebrows furrowed at his comment as a look of confusion spread over her face at the mention of him but before she could question hank on it she was met with two hands around her waist, pulling her tightly back purposely.
“hello pretty little liars, you’re aria?” wade said loudly into her ear his drunkenness obvious as y/n scoffed, him clearly stating that because her outfit choice as he squeezed her even tighter y/n’s eyes rolling as she elbowed him playfully back as his hands on her faltered as he playfully shoved her back.
“—elsa! you made it snow yet?” y/n said back to him as she was met with the sound of his laughter as he pulled on the stool next to y/n, making the guy who was sat on it mutter a curse before wade sent him a glare and then went speed walking away clearly a boy as young as fourteen or thirteen who just got the shit scared out him for, wade’s harsh look as he sqt down on the stool as he met y/n’s gaze.
“you know i have honey.” he nodded out with a smirk as hank leaned into the twos space.
“shots anyone?” hank rolled out, fixing his glasses as wade enthusiastically said a quick yes, y/n adding to the fire. “—very much needed.” y/n drove out as wade sent her a little look of knowing yet he held back the urge to call her out on it. he was being a ‘good’ friend in his eyes anyway, he didn’t wanna hear her say things about logan when he knew a few things himself on how the other party felt.
hank calling the barmaid over as wade pulled y/n’s stool closer to his that knowing look still present on his face as he played with the knowledge he had a bit just in a little playful way.
“you seen the birthday girl yet?..gave her a gift?” wade said sarcastically knowing the two didn’t really see eye to eye on a LOT of things as y/n gave him a little glare, him having been present for many of their little disagreements.
“luckily i haven’t, as i’ve brung nothing.” y/n rumbled back as wade nudged her playfully with her words as hank grabbed the tray of shots from the barmaid— y/n’s eyes widening once she saw how many shots he had ordered. “fifteen?” y/n broke out with a raised eyebrow as hank chuckled as he took one, downing it straight away before grabbing another as wade spoke up cockily.
“who’s pants are you trying to get into?” wade rolled out, his voice sly as he grabbed two for himself as y/n leaned over and took one ready to get shitfaced, maybe that’d stop her mind from falling back onto logan every other second her longing heart internally hating this situation more and more as she yearned to see him but she bit back the urge to even look around for him. halting that urge by taking a shot.
“preferably anyone with a pulse and no dick between their legs.” hank said right as y/n took another shot, her nearly choking on the burning liquid which was a horrible mix of vodka and god knows what.
“i can tuck.” wade said lowly as this made it worse, y/n nudging wade, shaking her head as she held back her laugh as she swallowed the shot she just took. “disgusting!” she rolled out as she took another, downing it before placing the shot down on the table.
“ah! sweeties jealous.” wade spoke up sarcastically with that all familiar cocky smile on his face with that teasing glint in his eyes as he handed another shot y/n’s way as she took it gracefully as they all cheersed their glasses together. that being just one of the about eight times they did that within the next thirty to sixty minutes as y/n bit back her thoughts with copious amounts of shots and soon enough they had gone through a good four or so tray off shots and a few drinks each.
every passing minute y/n felt her mind get closer and closer to the edge as every time she felt that aching feeling grow she’d swallow it back with another sip of liquor or large shot — wades jokes passing the time and hanks yapping and her own occasional drunken chime in making her mind a mess as hank got another row of shots.
the songs and wade and hank’s voices becoming a blur in y/n’s mind as she swallowed nothing but the truth with those shots. every sip feeling like more heartache she couldn’t stop having.
+ੈ✩‧₊˚
y/n was practically stuck too the bar stool, her eyes scanning the crowd occasionally (by occasionally around five times if not more a minute) as she looked for him. her mind lingering on a certain someone as it always tended to do the liquor just amplifying those feelings as hank spoke up.
“you know— you look like your mum.”
his words caused y/n’s attention to snap over to hank as she raised an eyebrow, wade making a little ‘oo’ in the background even if he couldn’t help but agree with his comment as he sipped on the cocktail he had ordered a few drinks previously that had just been laying there on the side. the bartender making a fuck ton of profit from these three miserables.
“very dead?” y/n said sarcastically as hank gave her a little look — clearly a little annoyed she didn’t take the comment seriously as he leaned a little closer to her.
“beautiful you idiot.” hank added out, his words making her eyebrows furrow a bit as she took in his drunken words as she gave him a little a smile — swallowing the depreciating joke she was close to making as she took a sip of her drink.
“thank you hank.” y/n nodded out calmly as wade butted in.
“—fucking hell, incoming for angry jacob twilight wannabe.” wade cursed out as y/n’s gaze moved over wade following his eyes to where he was looking, her heart feeling as if it was flipping and twisting in her chest as she watched logan walk into the bar games room as she furrowed her eyebrows at the sight of jean following him angrily. her looking perfect as ever.
yet before y/n could think another thought she locked eyes with logan from across the room — their eyes meeting as she felt a weight lift immediately onto her as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat at just the sight of him. it felt as if time has frozen just as they looked to each other , his eyes taking everything about her in as she did the same his way.
he practically immediately walked over, more like stomped over, as he seemed clearly agitated. more then usual as his eyes dawned onto wade and hank before resting back to y/n as he stopped in his tracks in front of the seated three.
“who thought getting a teenager shitfaced was a good idea?” logan nearly growled out, giving wade a glare as y/n’s eyes lingered back on jean who saw who he was talking to and turned away her being even more pissed then him, y/n holding the urge to go into her mind and find out why as she brung her gaze onto logan after seeing jean walk off somewhere else in the room, her patience clearly wearing thin. her wanting to make a little childish comment about how she wasn’t when wade spoke up.
“gods probably.” wade rolled out in reply as logan scoffed at what he said.
“y/n.” logan said, her eyes meeting his own as she took in his appearance. her eyes lingering on the chain that was wrapped around his neck — one he told her was something jean gave him when he first became an xmen, something he hasn’t worn in months, this fact only making her feel a number of horrible thoughts as she grabbed her drink and took a mean swig. swallowing her own building self pity as she forced a fake smile logan immediately knew to be fake.
“hi.” she said swiftly after she put her drink back down on the table — his eyebrow raising a little at her hostility as he looked to wade, hank the back to her.
“uh—“ logan spoke up, trying to find the words to say as he looked at her a bit lost for words at how she was acting as he swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat — feeling his frustration rise as he tried to control it, “where have you been?” he said lowly, hank raising his eyebrow at how this little conversation seemed weirdly tension filled. wade knew why, he could’ve called her little feelings for him back when she first met the guy but now he couldn’t help see how serious it was because off the way she was looking at him and how it was affecting her.
he couldn’t even brung himself to but in as he buried himself in his drink. hank doing the same.
“i’ve been busy. but i’ve been around— i saw you two days ago.” she said quickly, shifting in her seat a little as his eyes almost felt as if they burnt through her.
“you didn’t stay,” he said taking a pause as he looked at her, taking in just how intoxicated she seemed as he tried to analyse it, “like you uh- normally, do.”
his words touched a nerve on y/n as she felt that all familiar heart ache grow y/n trying to act as if the feeling inside her wasn’t killing her right now and ripping her to shreds as she kept her gaze on him, his eyes on her making her think and feel a number of things she hated.
“—had somewhere to be.” she replied quickly, his eyebrows raising at her bluntness to her reply as he knew something was off. he sensed it, the drunkness only adding to his worry as he went to step closer when he was cut off by a voice behind him.
y/n eyes dawned on the sight off jean, a tight silver dress on showcasing her curves as her red hair flowed down by her side as she looked at logan who hadn’t even brung himself to met her gaze yet. y/n immediately being hit with a truck load of insecurities just with a glance to the older women who had the only guy she’d ever loved wrapped around her finger.
y/n’s heart feeling as if it was stepped on as she kept her gaze on him — time feeling a little slow motion.
“logan—now.” jean said harshly.
“lo- logan.” she said again, y/n not leaving logan’s gaze as he swallowed his own spit as he eventually brung his gaze over to jean.
“logan— he knows.” she said harshly, her words a little quiet as they were clearly just meant for logan’s ears yet y/n heard them. “now! come on?” she questioned out frustratedly, saying that to grip his attention as logan looked to jean then back to y/n, wade and hank watching like it was a drama.
the air felt thick with some sort of something as y/n swallows, her eyes on him as he bit down on the inside of his cheek.
“be careful kid, remember to slow down.” he rolled out before he turned away with jean going right to her side as y/n scoffed as he walked off turning her attention back to the barmaid — not feeling logan’s eyes burning back to her as he took a long glance her way before disappearing off with jean into the party to sort whatever was happening.
y/n rolled her eyes the second she turned her attention back over to the bar as she looked down at the bar table, swallowing her thoughts down with the rest of her vodka as she felt the others eyes on her. they sensed on the tension — it was impossible not too.
“so they’re fucking again.” hank commented lowly and cluelessly. his words being like a gut punch to y/n as she bit down on her tongue as she called back over the barmaid, leaning over and ordering a couple shots as she sat back down in her seat.
“mm, most definitely.. hell for scott.” wade ushered out lowly, feeling a sense of guilt as he saw the way y/n’s eyes fell as y/n tried to mute out their conversation in the background as she welcomed the shots with open arms as she pulled the tray closer to her as she heard wade and hank whisper behind her as they leant over to gossip about the rumours of jean and scott being over as y/n’s heart felt as if it was plummeting and beating as fast as it ever had with every shot she took. the information she was hearing just making her internal pain grow worse as she tried to drink it away every shot seemingly enhancing her hurt as the metal images she were getting hurt her brain as she felt the urge to do something about it.
her mind full of relentless unlimited thoughts that were screaming at her as she placed the last empty shot glass she had down — the shots helping limit the voices to some extent as the barmaid came over and refilled them without another word most likely sensing her anguish as y/n nodded to her with as much of a smile she could muster up as she thought back to the conversation with logan.
“we’re going to dance— you coming?” wade spoke to y/n as that brung her out her gaze with the bottom of the shot glass as she shook her head, “no—thanks,” she slurred out as hank gave her a small nod and pat on the shoulder before they disappeared of into the crowd leaving her alone after saying their be right backs— her lips immediately around another glass as she finished the rest of the drinks thay were laid out in front-of her.
y/n either needed fresh air and a sick bucket or the man she loved and craved, and she was going with the latter. her desires only heightened which was making just about everything worse due to the mess the alcohol had started to cause her brain and body.
her heart pounding as she stood up, everything going messy and spin like as she stumbled through the crowd. her mind on one thing and one thing only, one person, as she got pushed around a bit by the dancing people as she made her way out the bar room she was in. her eyes searching the place as she looked for him in every corner, in every face, every person, every laugh, every grunt and every noise. she was searching for him like she had been doing within her heart ever since she’d know the man.
yet what she didn’t expect to see when she turned the corner was him right there. logan right there in his bubble of perfection as she saw it. her eyes taking him in as she saw him in the hallway — a smile joining her lips as she started to walk over to him planning what she was going to say in her brain. how she was going to do any of this? she didn’t even know what she had planned, she just wanted to speak to him. she needed to see his smile. she missed it. she wanted to make him laugh like usual, she wanted to kiss him, feel his touch. she needed it, it was destroying her to not have him. why was she ignoring him for the past two weeks? she should just tell him. nothing bad could hap—
“mine.” she swore she could make out logan saying, her eyebrows furrowing in pure confusion as she took one little step closer to where he was as her eyes dawned on a certain red head with a killer smirk on her lips as she had a tight grip on his chain.
and with that every thought she just had was crushed within the space of five or so seconds as she heard jean’s light hearted chuckle next, her voice grating against y/n’s mind as she swallowed her own spit back down as she made sure she couldn’t be seen by them. feeling the sick feeling rising in her as she watched logan’s hands wrap around jean’s waist as she pulled him closer to her in a teasing action that broke y/n’s heart in two.
she was frozen in her tracks, watching as the one she loved was with the one he loved.
“you’re mine.” ringing in her ears as she just made out what he had said to jean as his words sent a chill through y/n’s body as she felt the tears start to boil in her eyes as she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the scene. her mouth fallen gap as she watched as he roughly had her against the door jean’s hand going down to the handle of said door as y/n watched as jean pulled him in the room with her roughly.
the door slamming behind them as she felt her beating out her chest, her breath shaky and hitched as she swallowed.
and when she heard a little squeal come from the room over the music a few seconds or minutes later, she couldn’t tell how long had passed, that’s when she knew she needed to go before she turned into a public laughing stock as she turned on her heel — shakily making her way through the crowd again, unbeknownst to the tears dropping down her cheeks as she fought her way through the dancing crowd as she tried to get the hell out of here as she thought she was fighting back her emotions, yet she really wasn’t doing too good of a job with it.
“watch it!” someone yelled out over the music to y/n as she shuffled past them quickly, stumbling out and disappearing through the back door as she made her break for it. her heart feeling broken to an extreme it hadn’t felt before which was only amplified by the alcohol as she felt her brain chemistry formed for logan be destroyed within a matter of moments. seeing it in front of her own eyes being completely different from assuming it had happened.
the fact they were doing that right now she just couldn’t and didn’t want too comprehend it. it hurting her so much she felt as if she was going to be sick, she could feel it to the extremist point that when she managed her way to the end of the courtyard where her little spot was with her childhood swing set, where she’s surprised she even remembered the whereabouts off in this state, she couldn’t stop herself from leaning down into a bush shakily.
her mouth watering, her throat burning with liquid as y/n threw up into the bush her heart pounding ridiculously as she felt the tears burning against her cheek as she didn’t even notice the feeling off two strong hands holding her hair back. her body shaking as she kept being sick, feeling the acid burn her throat as she felt a strong hand round her hair pulling it into a ponytail and another hand around her fragile body to keep her up.
her body flinching a little at the touch as the person leaned a little closer as y/n was sick some more, “it’s okay—“ a low voice ushered out as y/n couldn’t help be sick again, leaning down closer into the bush nearly tripping into it as the person held her upright. their hand snacking onto her waist as y/n leaned back into their touch. basically tripping into it as she let out a shaky breath as she wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her top.
her eyes moving up onto an all familiar face and she instantly cursed in her brain as he managed to move her over to the swings, sitting her down in one of two seats as she clung to the chain of it leaning her body against it freely as she let out a little cry.
“you’re good.” scott said softly his voice low as he spoke into a comforting tone that didn’t completely soothe her as she felt the tears trail down her cheek as he kneeled down — his hands stabilising the swing that was rocking a little as he looked up at her making sure she was okay on the swing. the cold air hitting the twos faces as the moon shone down on the courtyard, the faint sound of pop music from the mansion being completely distant to both of them.
“scott.” she managed to say, him being able to tell how far gone she was by the way she slurred her words as if her crying and throwing up didn’t prove that enough. his eyes on her as he moved her hair out the way for her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as she held back a little sob which wasn’t held back that well as she let out a shaky whimper.
“w-why— doesn-t he love me?” she spoke out quickly, her breath shaky and her voice high pitched as she let out little sniffles in between words, the weight of those making a sad smile tug on scott’s lips as he kept his hand on her face trying to keep her upright which was sort of impossible as he kept his comforting warm hand against her face. just trying to make her feel okay.
“—he—“ scott cut himself off before he moved closer to her, trying to keep her calm, “he does love you okay?”
y/n shook her head at scott’s words as she let out a muffled sob against her wrist, shaking her head as scott wiped the tears from her cheeks. “not like i want him to.” she rolled out in a slur, scott feeling his heart beat quicken at her little admission as if he didn’t know how she felt over him before as he moved his finger across her cheek in a soft circular motion, his hand cupping her jaw.
“hey- he does okay?” scott said quickly as he moved her jaw down so she met his eyes again, his tone soft as he moved himself to the other swing next to her — the second he was sat him moving his swing closer to her own. tangling the chains of his swing up a little in doing so.
“he does.” scott added out again, y/n not believing him at all as she swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat as she leaned herself again the hand that was cupping her face as she nearly tumbled off the swing.
her biting down on her tongue as she let out a little squeal as scott placed his hand on her back supporting and holding her up as a little chuckle left her lips as she leaned forward a little. scott not letting his hand move as worry was evident on his face as y/n turned to him a sad smile on her lips, tears still evident on her face.
“i wish.” he heard her whisper as he swallowed, his own voice breaking a little, “come on. okay? he doesn’t know what he’s missing right now.— he doesnt see you liking him.” scott said softly, giving her a little playful nudge as y/n started to lose the energy to even speak off it as she felt another tear slip down her cheek.
his words were taking the weight off her shoulders as she moved in the swing a little, scott’s comforting hand on her back which was now sort off around her waist making her sure she wasn’t going to fall as she moved a tiny bit closer to him on her swing. their swings touching a little.
“you deserve better then jean-y bitch.” she managed out lowly, scott not being able to help the chuckle that escaped his lips at how she put it as he looked out at the mansion in front of them. the moon present in his red tinted glasses.
“yeah— i’m starting to realise that.” he chuckled out as y/n gave him a drunken smile in return as she locked eyes with scott. someone she’d hardly noticed was this nice mostly due to the words logan remarked about him all the time as her smile couldn’t help but grow as she looked at him. the air softening between the two as y/n felt tiredness fall over her as she leant against the chains a little as she slowly moved her gaze over to the moon.
a few moments of silence passes before scott spoke up.
“y/n?” scott managed out trying to grab her attention as he saw he eyes wondering a bit. his eyebrows furrowing when he heard no answer in return, her silence scaring him as he nudged her.
“y/n?” he quickly said out once again, nudging her a little as he saw how limp her body was and noticed her closed eyes.
“fuck— y/n.” he ushered out quickly as he stood from his seat and went right to her side as he kneeled down, tapping her face to try and catch her attention. y/n stirring a little at his action as he stood up, pulling her up with him as he placed his hand around her waist as he tried to shake her a little which did the job as her eyes fluttered open to meet his own.
a drunken smile joining on her lips as a tear dropped down her cheek that she didn’t even notice as she chuckled a little, leaning close to him as she swayed a little.
“scott.” she said lowly as scott gave her a low chucke as she placed her arm around him drunk on, him wiping the tear of her cheek softly something he’d done a number of times since being in her presence tonight.
“okay it’s time to go sleep— im taking you to bed.” he explained softly as y/n looked at him with a little furrowed brow as he started to walk, helping her walk alongside him her hardly even able to realise she was walking as she leaned against his touch.
“you’re good.” he said calmly to her as they walked through the dark courtyard, the illuminated by the moon field of grass between them and the bustling school /xmansion being the only light to guide them. his grip on her tightening softly when she nearly tripped over her own feet, a low chuckle escaping his lips as he realised just how long of a walk it was to the mansion. him sighing as he held her upright. “nearly there.” he muffled out as y/n leaned to him.
“—‘m gonna be sick.” she quickly flushed out before throwing her head over in the other direction as scott patted her back and stopped in his tracks at her words as she was sick again — him holding the urge got to be sick too because the smell as he focused on helping her. his heart skipping a beat bit as he felt his anger growing over logan putting her in this situation where she was so drunk she was being sick or the fact that she was being sick just thinking about logan it made his blood boil as he felt his jaw clench — his eyebrows twitching as he helped her get it all out, whispering little comforts as he soothed her back.
“good girl. “ he said lowly as y/n brung her gaze into him once more him giving her a small sad smile as he placed his hand back around her waist to guide her, “cmon, bed.” he whispered out to her as they started walking again. having to go through the party definitely going to be a difficult task as scott tightened his grip around her waist as they walked past a couple people hanging around the outside area of the building as the music met y/n’s ears as once they got into the building scott called for people to move out the way as he made y/n stay close to him. her eyes wondering over everyone in her drunken haze as scott helped her over to the staircase which was through a couple wide, filled rooms.
her swearing she came across wade and hank in the corner with two twins and colossus’s doing a certain something to wade, her eyebrows furrowing at what she believed to have just seen as she shook it off as she met scott’s words.
“you need to be carried or are you okay?” scott asked as if he was babying her which sent a wave of comfort through her body as she let the question hang in her brain as she tried to form answer to it as she leaned herself against scott.
“‘u—‘i can—“
“scarlett?” logan roughly called out in a raised voice towards scott as he came over out of nowhere. scott rolling his eyes as he quickly picked y/n up, y/n being in scott’s arms as her eyes fluttered open to see logan to the side of them. scott’s jaw immediately clenching as he continued up the stairs without cracking a word to logan as he rushed after the pair. his own anger frustratingly high as he tried to control himself and stop himself from doing anything stupid.
“scott?” logan said harshly, his anger growing as he didn’t get an answer as he tried to get the man to look at him.
“lo-“ y/n slipped out, her voice muffled as she leaned into scott’s arms more as he carried her bridal style up the stairs. her realising his presence, logan’s eyes casting onto y/n and then back to scott. his eyes darkening.
“what have you done to her?!” logan rushed out, his voice cracking with worry as scott ignored his words as he made it to the top of the stairs and continued on down to where he’s pretty sure her room is.
“scott!” logan shouted again trying to get his attention as scott opened the door with his back, giving logan a harsh glare as he walked right over to the bed where he placed y/n down carefully on it. her drunken self pouring the cover over her figure as she rolled over in bed. letting out a little muffled whimper as her head laid on the pillow.
the second scott having let go off y/n he immediately turned to logan scott not giving logan another chance to talk before he connected his fist with his jaw, logan been taken aback a little as he raised an eyebrow, scott looking right at him as logan pushed him back harshly.
“what the fuck did you do?” logan cursed out quickly, scott scoffing as he held back taking his glasses off because of the fact it was a party, not logan’s funeral even despite how much he wanted it to be.
“you should ask yourself that, prick.” scott said harshly. logan’s eyebrows raising at his words as scott pushed himself past logan without another word.
logan immediately grabbing scott’s arm harshly, his claws aching to come out as he met his gaze.
“what do you mean by that?” logan said quickly, his eyes locked onto scott’s as so many questions flowed his brain. his thoughts enlaced with y/n and the worry he had for the girl as scott harshly brung his hand back to his side after shaking logan’s grip off — giving logan a stern look as he looked him up and down judgementally, “god, you are so stupid. you’d think being born in the 19th century would make you slightly smarter then a twenty nine year old.” scott scoffed out lowly, his words only angering logan more as he shoved scott against the wall.
his claws extending as he pressed them close to his throat — his threat there as scott swallowed.
“tell me.” he said harshly as scott couldn’t help a certain look cross his face. completely frustrated by logan, his heart aching for jean in this moment as he stared at what she had clearly picked over himself that enraging him yet also y/n and what she had just gone through herself. the heart ache something he could relate too and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone. yet right now he would logan however.
“she saw you and jean you idiot. meaning i did too. meaning— fuck you.” scott said quickly as he clicked his visor getting the right aim, logan jumping back as scott lazered his chest. his beam going right through as a loud grunt escaped his lips as logan in immediate retaliation clawed scott in the side, scott pushing back the whimper threatening to leave his lips as logan as he got ready to take another shot at the man.
logan raising his eyebrow as the two stared eachother down, “i’ll heal,” logan rolled out his words only angering scott worse as he went to raise his glasses again as logan roughly placed his hand on his chest to stop him, his claws retracted back in.
“i wish you wouldn’t.” scott bit out harshly as logan scoffed at his words, keeping his anger limited as he rolled his eyes.
“jean only needed someone to talk too—“
“you mean fuck.” scott said out harshly, jean crossing logan’s mind as his jaw clenched his gaze darkening as he couldn’t bring himself to shake his head. not that he was thinking about scott’s feelings — right now his mind pondering on another.
scott saw how logan couldn’t even fight back with words — tutting as he pushed him back. logan’s hands falling to his side as the two didn’t break eye contact.
“you know we’re engaged.” scott spit out like venom, his words causing a look of surprise to wash over logan’s face as his mouth fell open, “well we were.” he added out.
“you were— what?” logan fumbled out, confusion written on his face as scott rolled his eyes at his reaction. not that he cared deep down, but it felt like he did right now.
“great.. she didn’t tell you. like she didn’t tell anyone,” he said lowly, “not that it makes it any better what you’ve done,” scott casted out as a few seconds finding passed as he tried to find the words which only come out anger filled, “she’s a caniving cheating bitch.” scott cursed out, logan not bringing himself to react to the words scott ushered about jean as he looked at scott.
logan was about to say something to scott when the sound of y/n’s soft little snores filled the room which made the tension even higher as scott and logan glared at eachother.
“maybe just think next time before you fuck someone else’s girl, again.” scott managed out as he pushed past logan to leave the room.
“i don’t think she’s your girl.” logan called back out before he left as scott’s jaw clenched at his words as he opened the door.
“not anymore. you can have her.” he said harshly as he paused as he knew he had to say something.
“—just think about how y/n feels, because i know hurts.” scott spoke lowly as he left without another word clearly implying a certain fact.
logans heart skipped a beat at his words as the door shut behind scott, his mind feeling as if it was in a war as the tension built in the room immediately. the air feeling thick as he swallowed his own spit not bringing himself to call something back to him as his words couldn’t even bring themselves to form right in his brain yet alone out loud.
his eyes dawned back onto the sleeping girl y/n laying there. looking so soft and innocent, completely sound asleep and his heart couldn’t help twang a little as he bit down on the inside of his cheek — many bustling thoughts cursing his brain as he wished he had never thought of them.
his mind lingering on the thought of jean and what just occurred within him and scott as he came down from the pain that was inflicted on him his chest rising rapidly to a more normal flow as he healed. as he focused his gaze on y/n as he furrowed his eyebrows over what scott had said, trying to wrap his brain around it.
logan’s eyes dawning on y/n. guilt seeping through him as he felt his heart gain that aching feeling y/n had been riddled with since the day she first realised she was in love with the man as he sat on the foot of the bed. his mind feeling melted as he placed his hand on her own his big, gruff and rough feeling hand taking the soft touch of her hand into his own grip. her hand being half if not less of his size as he soothed her. her touch being another level of comfort he didn’t recall experiencing since he was a young boy that feeling sending memories flooding through his brain he couldn’t focus on now.
feeling all the emotions boiling up he’d been fighting to push down as he looked down at her asleep body. what was all of this? she had been distant, almost rude and very cold and scott’s words were making that why question he had on his mind for the past two weeks clearer.
the implication of scott’s words hung in his mind as he looked at her. him eventually bringing himself over to the spare place next to her in the bed not wanting to leave her alone for the night too worried about how drunk she was and if anything could happen in the night.. or anyone else drunkily walking in. but he couldn’t help deep down in knowing that those were just excuses to stay within her presence. asleep or not.
carefully building a gap between the two of them as he laid down — no matter how strong the urge to hug her and comfort her was — as he let out a rough exhale as he closed his eyes.
only to open them three seconds later to look at her. his eyes not leaving her peacefully asleep body for the rest of the night.
#logan howlett x fem!reader#wolverine x reader#logan howlett x reader smut#logan howlett#james logan howlett#deadpool#angst#logan howlett x reader#deadpool and wolverine#logan howlett x you#x men movies#marvel xmen#x force#yearning hours#logan howlett imagine#deadpool 3#hugh jackman#marvel#marvel imagines#mcu#marvel mcu#scott summers#james marsden#x men
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#wow i have spiraled quickly#anyway. i have so much cute clothes and im getting a pair of cute boots soon and they will look so good on me when im skinnier#like. i could be alt bitch th/in/sp/o if i just starve myself enough#ive been planning to get more cool clothes tjis year when i turn 18 and get a job and im gonna look so good in then when im so thin#like. i have actual hope that maybe itll work this time bc i dont live with my parents who i gotta hide it from#currently my other sister lives here but shes gonna move out in like a month and once that happens then ill be home alone almost all day#again so itll be so easy to just not eat unlike before when i never had time to myself. its not unusual that my sister goes to work before#i wake up and then im asleep when she comes back and if im barely eating ill be more tired so like. i really dont gotta worry about her#asking me to cook very often! idk. i wanna get some cute clothes when i lose weight. ofc im kinda worried if i decide to recover again#that ill gain and then not fit in them after spending money which would be sad#well. maybe ill buy some in my current size in xase i gain weight again just bc#i dont trust my disabled body to fuck me over and then i gotta gain weight bc im going to doctors so its probably smarted to do that#i wish i knew what the underlying health issue i have thats causing my hair to fall out bc its not my ed#id been eating plenty every day for a year and my hair still fell out constantly#i wake up every morning with my hair fallen out wrapped around my ahoulders that got pulled out while i slept and its stressful#well. at least it will start to feel comforting like im getting sicker like it used to instead of juat scary like it is now
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Need the kind of idgaf attitude kpop idols have after doing something problematic 🥶🥶🥶
#z rambles#* theyre probably sad :(* wahhh not the point. take responsibility for your action or go to bed cryinf cuz kids r asking for accountsbility#so crazy to think none of yall never learn what its like to own up to your mistake and do better craaaazzyyyyyy#maybe its cuzim already slipping out of the diamond life again already but i csnt enjoy the boys with the same love after what he did#as much as i preach and still hold the same feeling about how idols r human who can do very many wrongs#as his fans for so many years it disappoint me so much snf i dont think i cna look st him the same#i think months later id be fine but whenever these shit came out. i am just so disappointed ya know#so anyways this is def snother hat off to the girlies in the bsck who keep msking idols who wont judge u videos#they will. dont push your self worth snd validations on strangers stay safe chief#for me tho? i ball 😎#youd thinj someone who face bodyshaming as a skinny man would know better not to say shit st all regarding body types#always got sth to say its FINE shutting up i think youd know as someone whos quiet as hell? no? damn#uhhh yeah you cna say im kinda a specisl fsn cuz i go hard with my criticism 🥶🥶#anyways whatever we ball#also maybeyl stans should drop the word attack from their vocsbulary#asking for closure and accountsbility for the issues is not an attack. yall r so weird.....#(name) protection. BRO HE IS REACHINF 30 HE DONT NEED NO DAMN PROTECTION 😭😭😭 BE FACTUAL
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man
#my posts#hi hello i come to complain about. art. again#bc i miss it and idk if i can fully regain it even tho not doing so makes me feel very bad sfgsdgh#anyways i feel like ive grown scared of drawing and scared of failing idk when this happened#like i was like 'you draw bc you like it it doesnt matter if its good or bad you just do!!!' i. is that what ive been feeling ive lost#this entire time. is that it#did i lose my confidence to at least try and let it be a wip did i really just become this afraid of failure again#how. why am i regressing on this. i will have to take myself out of it by force probably but. why#like some day i was looking at other peoples art online and i went 'oh thats better than mine' which i. had stopped thinking#and now i just completely and utterly ruined the entire experience unless im doodling on my sketchbook for my eyes only huh#this is ridiculous. at least i think ive connected the dots but. fucking hell#idk how to actually get myself out of this again but i do want to draw i just get sad i dont like what i see when i actually try sufhdg#maybe thats the issue?#idk <3 ill try to figure something out bc if i dont get back into drawing im gonna snap#also im sick and tired so maybe i shouldnt tonight but anyways
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12:10 AM — CHOI SEUNGCHEOL
notes : seungcheol x gn!reader, timestamp, fluff, established relationship, idol!au
word count : 0.3k words
warnings : food mentions, not proofread
a/n : im so bored rn…i didn’t even know what to write
MASTERLIST
you feel yourself nodding ever so slightly, trying to listen attentively to whatever choi seungcheol was rambling on about. the topic could be about his members—like how they pretty much annoy the hell out him, though you know in your heart he still loves them, or he could even just be rambling about work and how much he misses you, something that you find sweet of him.
but you were tired, very tired. plus the couch you two were sitting on was feeling real comfortable.
“you have to believe me when i tell you that i didn’t steal jihoon’s ramen, it was on him for it going missing.” seungcheol continues to rant about the latest issue, you don’t really remember what he was talking about.
“mhm…” you reply slow. you hug the throw pillow close to your chest as you continue to listen to seungcheol’s voice, which now sounded like a lullaby to you.
“why blame me when, lookie here, soonyoung would steal anything that he finds in his vicinity,” seungcheol sweeps up his hair and then looks at you, “don’t you think that’s a little unfair?” seungcheol gives you a sad look, like some sort of wet dog on the street.
you mumble something in response, not even knowing what you just said. seungcheol looks at you with slight concern on his face as your head quickly drops, making you jolt up, “i’m up! i’m up…”
“you tired..?” seungcheol takes your hand, his thumb caress your knuckles, it makes you relax.
“maybe..” you reply with a grin and seungcheol lets out a huff before chuckling, “i just want you to continue the story…”
“i can’t exactly do that without you tossing your head around like a ragdoll,” seungcheol immediately gets up from the couch looking at you with a tired grin, “and i think i am also getting pretty tired too so…”
seungcheol extends his hand, reaching it towards you. you sleepily take his and he gives your hand a little squeeze, “let’s get to bed, i don’t have any practice tomorrow so we’ll be able to talk more about it”
“mhm,” you take his hand before going to your shared bedroom, it was nice.
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#🍙﹕written by mellow#k-labels#caratsland#k-films#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol x you#seungcheol x y/n#seungcheol timestamp#seungcheol fluff#seungcheol headcanons#seungcheol fics#choi seungcheol#seventeen seungcheol#seventeen x reader#seventeen x y/n#seventeen x you#seventeen headcanons#seventeen timestamps#seventeen au#seventeen fics#seventeen scenario
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