#gabriel and his whole. complicated fucking thing.

[svvordsmachine]

feeling new levels of insane about gabv1el today. (explodes)

[frollosversion]

Hello! This idea has been itching my brain for a while now.

"How much of a Father am I?"

Frollo's slight backstory of raising Quasimodo.

This is a story about that phrase Frollo said to his ward:

"When your heartless mother abandoned you as a child, anyone else would've drowned you. And this is my thanks for taking you in as my son?"

This story will probably have three parts. This is gonna be part 1.

Part 2

Part 3

"What must I do?" Frollo asked the Archdeacon.

It was the first time Frollo spoke softly in fear. He never does it nor does he follow anyone's orders or commands. The only person that could tame his heavy heart is the archdeacon and maybe a tad bit of conscience.

"Care for the child..." Said the Archdeacon. "And raise it as your own."

Frollo's eyes widened at the thought of nursing a child let alone an 'unholy demon' (according to him). He was about to protest but his conscience still devours him alive.

"Excuse me? You what— I am to be saddled with mishapen—" he paused. "very well."

After few negotiations, they settled of letting the baby live in the cathedral's bell tower under Frollo's care. The church had becometh the child's sanctuary.

The Archdeacon was conflicted of Frollo's push and pull attitude the whole time but he was tolerant even after the murder of the baby's mom.

After the arrangement of everything— the room, the crib and other things, The minister tiredly puts the baby down. Just as soon as he did, the baby started wailing.

"Oh what the devil—"

"The baby is hungry, Frollo. Do something about it. I already did my part of staying and helping with all this. It's on you now." The Archdeacon calmly leaves the bell tower.

"Hey! Hey! How do I even—" Frollo ask with a trace of panic. "Father!!! Get back here at once!"

But the Archdeacon already left. He was left alone with the baby.

"STOP.. JUST STOP CRYING!!!" Frollo commanded which led to no avail. "I SAID STOP OR I'LL THROW—" no he can't.

"Fuck..." he mentally cussed.

"Milk..." Frollo immediately thought.

He looked at the baby and looked at his chest, madly thinking about breastfeeding the baby because it was his first instinct.

"Stupid of you to think that i can breastfeed you" He says, blaming the child for being hungry.

He wanted to ignore it but he knows he can't. One, it's noisy, two, it's haunting his conscience, three, he just wants everything to go back the way it was.

The night became complicated but he eventually had a solution of letting the child drink milk from the milk glass bottles they use in the olden days.

After a while, frollo sat down the wooden chair. The child had slept in his arms soundly.

"The fact that I have to to this everyday stresses me." He looked at the child. Despite the baby's deformity, Frollo had find it somehow angelic when it slept. It makes his heart soften towards the boy for a fraction of second.

"Right. I still have to name you. A name shouldn't sound like a name. I don't want to get too... attached."

That night, he decides to think of the child's name. He could've just named him any sweet name a child deserves to have but his heart was still bitter.

He could've named him like Alain, Von, Arthur, Gabriel, Blaise, Karl, or any other names but no...

"Quasimodo..." He speaks. "Yeah. That should do it."

Frollo gave the child a cruel name. A name that means half-formed. Quasimodo. He was downright menace on that one but he wants no attachments with the baby. He's doing it out of conscience.

Frollo wanted to just leave the baby in there and call it quits. But he refuses to. He's not gonna wait for his own soul haunt him if he goes back to the palace of justice and leave the baby here.

"Lord. You've sent me a test. This child is my cross to bear. But I shall prove you i am worthy of overcoming this. I'll raise this... thing. as promised."

Instead, he falls asleep... with the baby in his arms.

His night was fucked up and he just wants it to go back the way it was but he knows it's not gonna happen. This will be his first of many more routines in the future, but that night, he just wants it to pass.

[dust-jacket-analysis]

Spoilers for the Miraculous London Special

One of the things I hate most about the lie that Marinette told Adrien, is how it's going to warp his perception of his father.

His father was not a good man. His father abused him. Controlled and manipulated him. In every universe, he chose to akumatize and use him in his plans to steal the Miraculous. He locked him up in a room and essentially used psychological torture techniques on his son. Forced him into a career not fit for children. Allowed/enabled Lila to spy on and make Adrien uncomfortable. Gabriel Agreste was awful (Bless Movie Gabriel for existing).

I feel like Adrien was just starting to find himself, and his voice. He was sticking up for himself a lot more, and fighting his father's abuse (even if it was often unsuccessful). And I think after the whole locking Adrien up in and essentially violating human rights, Adrien would've finally realized how terrible his father is. Realized that there was no repairing their relationship or redeeming him.

Even with Gabriel dead, while Adrien grieved I think we could've seen him work through the complicated feelings he had on his father. I would've loved to see him come to terms with the fact that his father, someone who he loved and who was supposed to love him, was also his abuser. That despite all this it was okay to love his father. But also okay to hate him. Just all of those messy emotions he was never allowed to feel or express while his father was alive.

But, then Marinette lied to Adrien. Told him not that his father was an evil man, who died to his own hubris. Not that his father was a domestic terrorist, that his father had kept his mother's corpse locked in their basement for years. No. Marinette called Gabriel a hero.

Ladybug, Adrien's first love, the person he admires the most, his partner whom he trusts with his life, told him his father was a hero. That he died sacrificing himself. He wanted to be remembered as a good father.

So now, Adrien has that in his head. On top of everything else: The guilt of not being at the battle to help, the complicated feelings of having lived his whole life abused and tormented by his father who proclaimed to love him, the grief that his father, his dad, is dead.

What's that going to do to his perception of his father? To have everyone tell him his father was a hero? To have Nathalie hug him through his grief and comfort him with the knowledge that his father is a "good man." To have Marinette, the love of his life and his girlfriend, tell him how his Father sacrificed himself to defeat Monarch in an attempt to spare him the truth? For him to hear it from the person he trusts and understands more than anyone, ladybug?

I guarantee it's going to fuck with him. Whether the writers, who seem to chronically hate giving Adrien any genuinely good writing, will show that is a different story. But realistically, and genuinely it's going to impact him.

He's going to feel guilty now anytime he thinks to resent his father for the way he was treated. Because on top of his father being dead, "he died sacrificing himself for you and the city."

The other thing that got me, is Ladybug telling Adrien the only reason his father locked him in that building with Kagami was to, "spare him from Monarch's final plan." Like bitch?? No!

Now anytime he feels resent for being literally psychologically tortured he's going to feel guilty for getting mad. Because now he has the idea that it was too "Protect him."

I love Marinette. And I understand why she felt she had to lie to Adrien. But it definitely is going to cause more internal issues and problems than knowing his father was Monarch. Especially since he's probably going to find out eventually, and then it's just a whole new issue.

[helyiios]

Just imagine Benji choosing to sacrifice himself to protect Ethan or to help Ethan with the mission, being convinced that his life is not very important. Whether Benji survives or not is up to you to decide, but the choice is very clear...

Bombs, by some cruel trick of fate, had become his thing.

He knew them inside out, knew how to disarm them in less time than anyone in the IMF, he'd grown into the bomb expert of the whole agency, and he doesn't even know how that had happened.

The bomb in front of him, though, was completely different. It wasn't like the one Lane had strapped him to, not the one Gabriel had threatened the airport with, it was worse. It was worse, and the clock was ticking, and he was losing patience, and nothing was working, and Ethan was busy killing the last men that were trying to get into the room as he worked his magic on the weapon.

There was sweat glistening on his forehead, and his hair had come undone in a messy way, the one that revealed he was actually curly haired.

"How's it looking, Benji ?" the other agent asks as he retrieves his knife from an assailant's skull, "all good ?"

"I'm trying," Benji retorts, trying to crack a smile and failing horribly. "It's—it's a complicated one. I've tried a bunch of things, but..."

"Can I help ?"

"You're lovely, but no, not with this."

Ethan knew how to do many, many things, but bombs weren't his area of expertise. Hell, if the best guy at it wasn't making it work, Ethan wouldn't be of much help, bless him.

Benji's eyes drift to the rapidly moving numbers, notes the 00:07:59, clenches his jaw. His body was hiding the actual timer from his friend's vision, but it wouldn't be long until he'd notice.

Fuck, he swallows thickly, trying to think, fuck. This wouldn't do.

"I committed the plans to memory," he settles on saying, "you've got to get down to the basement, there's a...there's a bomb shelter, you need to go, now."

"What ?" comes Ethan's genuine surprise, "why would I do that ?"

"Because—" the younger man breathes in, shaking his head in defeat, "because I might not be able to defuse this one, E. And I'd rather you be safe."

"Bullshit," is his immediate reply, "if you can't do it, come down to the shelter with me."

"I can't," Benji can't help but laugh, "I can't let go of the trigger, or else it'll explode on us, right now."

"What are you talking about ?" Ethan worriedly asks as he walks up to him, "what is..."

His eyes widen comically as he takes in the contraption, staring at Benji's right hand firmly pressed on one side of it, the left one fiddling desperately with the remaining parts.

"Y—"

"It automatically activated itself when we got inside the room, I had to slam my hand on the trigger to contain it, and it—it started the countdown," Benji explains as calmly as his beating heart allows him, "there's not much time left, you've got to leave."

"I'm not leaving without you," Ethan firmly says, frowning like there was no other answer that was acceptable.

"I appreciate the sentiment, really, I do, but we've got to be smart about this," his teammate almost groans, still busy with trying to find a way to defuse it, "we can"t stay here like idiots and wait for the explosion to blow us to bits."

"Well, I'm not going to hide into the basement while you're there," the other counters, wincing at bit at the graphic description just given. "I won't."

"God, is this—is this some ego thing ? You don't want to let me do all the work ?"

"No, I just don't want to leave you alone in there !"

"Ethan, you can't work with bombs, and it's okay, you're great at many other things, but right now you'd be of much better use far and safe !"

"I want you to be safe !"

"FUCK, ETHAN !" Benji suddenly yells, taking him by surprise as his entire face morphed into pure wrath. "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE ! LISTEN TO ME !"

"I'm listening, I just—"

"You're the IMF's most treasured asset, and I am not letting you die at my hands because of my own inadequacy to deal with this."

"Benji—“

"There's no use of two of us being here, I—“ he pauses, biting the inside of his cheek to compose himself, casting a sorrowful glance at the other man. "Just—Ethan. I might not make it. Do you understand that ?"

And Ethan's entire expression collapses, and he hates to see it. Truly, he does.

"I don't—look, this bomb's impossible, and there're less than five minutes left, realistically I'm not going to fucking make it, E. I'm not. And—" his voice shakes, and he does his best to keep face, to keep the tears at bay, "and I'm at peace with that. I've been at peace with it for the past ten minutes, actually, and I—"

"But I'm not," the other agent cuts him off, tone icy. "I'm not leaving you."

"You're not fucking listening to me !"

"You wanna know something, Benj ?" Ethan roughly asks, fists clenching. "Anyone else, I would've left. Everyone always tells me I'm selfless, and that I want to save the whole world, and it's true, but I would've—maybe I would've made my peace with it, too, and I would've gone to that basement, had it been anyone else."

"Then why—“

"Because it's you, Benji !" he exclaims, expression open and horrifyingly vulnerable, "I already lost you, I—Lane, he almost took you away from me, twice, I'm not letting that happen. I'm not losing you."

"I'm not going to make it, E," Benji softly says, a desolate smile casting a shadow on his expression. "I'm not. I'm sorry, I—"

"Don't fucking say that," Ethan all but growls, "you're the best at this, there must be a way, something you haven't see, there's—“

"I'm not going to find it in four minutes thirty."

"Benji, please," the older man pleads, desperate, "I won't be able to live with myself if I abandon you here. I won't, I just—"

"And I won't live with myself if I know I've kept you here and fucking killed you !"

"I can't leave."

"Ethan, I'm begging you," Benji insists, "you need to go."

"No !"

"You stupid man !" he shouts out, red with anger, "don't you get it ?! I'm replaceable ! I'm nothing ! You're Ethan fucking Hunt, for Christ's sake ! You can't die ! Not now, not ever !"

"And I don't want to exist in a world you're not a part of !" Ethan yells back, eyes glistening with tears, "I can't ! I can't, I just—"

He pauses, raising a hand to his lids, shaking the wetness away.

"I love you, Benji," he finally chokes out, his entire body shaking with the admission, "so much. I love you, I'm in love with you, and I'm not leaving you."

"Then I'm asking you," Benji gently replies, voice just as shattered, "I'm imploring you. Ethan, please," he begs, closing his eyes, turning to hide his state, "leave."

"Benji, Benji please, don't make me do this."

"I love you too," the other man breathes out, "I have, for a while actually. I know this isn't the best way to announce it, but I wanted to say it back at least once."

"Benj—"

"If you love me, then go," Benji nods difficultly, "now."

"I can't, I—“

"I can't promise you anything, E, but I promise to you, I'll try everything. But I need to know you're safe to focus. Please."

Ethan's jaw clenches, and he finally looks down pitifully, not daring meeting his eyes.

"Go," Benji whispers, "For me. Live for me."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. It's okay."

"I love you."

"I love you too, E."

He takes him in one last time, takes his wild hair and his bruised cheeks, takes his the brightness of his eyes and the way his suit was crumpled.

He turns on his heels and runs.

He runs.

Benji watches him leave, the bomb growing warmer and warmer under his hands with each passing seconds.

He won't go down without a fight.

[nunalastor]

Miraculous AU

Velvette and Valentino have complicated feelings on the whole "Alastor's in an endless sleep in our basement" thing. Vox won’t let go of Alastor and they know waking Alastor up is the only way to make Vox stop commissioning paintings and statues for his office (that’s a thing Gabriel did) in Alastor’s visage. Causing a power outage to turn off Alastor’s life support coffin and kill him was tried but failed. Vox caused mayhem to get the power turned back on and they lost their electrician for a week regenerating. 

If Alastor does wake up, they go back to the old type of obsession and Vox throwing fits and failing to make diss tracks, but at least that way Vox is working to make the products better to outdo him. That’s the main reason they are willing to help him to their own detriment, even if there is a factor of genuinely wanting Vox to not be miserable because he’s taking Alastor’s coma really hard. 

They do keep trying to warn him Alastor will want an immediate divorce, but know he’s not listening. Maybe he’ll change his mind if they fuck him good enough.

👀

[milkyetoile]

after this great post by @thesherrinfordfacility about Crowley and Aziraphale’s domestic, it got me thinking about the beautiful contrast between the relationships shown in season 2. it was such a great juxtaposition, a chiaroscuro in writing that seriously left me in awe and ruin, not just from what happened but for how the relationships were laid out in writing.

so here’s an essay on the romance in S2, written by your local arospec lesbian

Gabriel/Beelzebub

essentially, I think this was the “ideal” romance. two beings who were in high positions on opposite sides, having secret meetings to complain about their sides and then falling in love to Buddy Holly’s Everyday…there was an understanding at every meeting that they probably wouldn’t have reasons to meet anymore after they agreed, but they kept meeting anyway. they fell in love in the process until Gabriel placed his memories in the fly that Beelzebub gave him, after getting in trouble for not wanting to continue with armageddon't. and when the whole mystery was solved, they immediately agreed that they just wanted to be together and they did do that. they go off to Alpha Centauri to live happily ever after and both Heaven and Hell will probably leave them alone (probably).

I say it’s ideal because it’s like a movie or book romance. two people meet, get to know each other and fall in love, then conflict!! but once it’s resolved, they get together with a sappy ending. to be clear, I have 0 complaints with this, I’ve shipped them since s1 and they were cute in s2…but I also love how it was set up like the kind of romance both Aziraphale and Crowley were visualizing previously.

Nina/Maggie

this relationship was more realistic and healthier. Nina was in a horrible relationship with an emotionally manipulative partner (kinda parallel to Aziraphale’s experience with Heaven) and Maggie’s a disaster lesbian smitten with her. Maggie tries to make a move on Nina then finds out that Nina already has a partner, then Nina’s partner breaks up with her. then our two favorite idiots try to meddle and matchmake her with Maggie for the sake of the ruse. things go pear-shaped with them getting involved because Maggie wanted to help Aziraphale. but once everything’s done, Maggie and Nina actually talk about things and agreed not to start a relationship because Nina wanted to heal first after her breakup. and they agreed that after that, if Maggie was still interested (which she swore she would be), then they would try.

it was more realistic because they’re humans like us. part of what makes humans such pivotal parts of the story is that we have shorter lifespans that result in an “urgency” in comparison to the non-humans. striving for success, loving people–being on essentially a time limit motivates us to be a lot more direct and straightforward when the situation calls for it. humans have to grow to get what they want. and so, Maggie and Nina, as mature adults, decide to communicate properly and it ends with them not being together yet but having an understanding and being on the same page–a better foundation for romance than what Aziraphale and Crowley imagined for them.

Aziraphale/Crowley

this is the complicated, messy relationship with a generous heaping of unhealthy codependency and unresolved trauma. the slowest of burns, 6,000 years of knowing each other, and yet neither of them really talk. they’ve made some progress since armaggenah. they’ve both been more open in comparison to S1, they have been trying. but 6,000 years of dealing with their individual trauma plus being on opposite sides and needing layers of subterfuge and denial to even have a semblance of friendship…on top of that were the events of arma-fucking-geddon and the aftermath (which included COVID among other things, mind you)–4 or 5 years in comparison is nothing. they were just adjusting and getting comfortable in the new status quo…cranking up the engine, so to say. throughout s2, they both made assumptions about each other. they both clearly talk about wanting to be together but they had different ideas of how that would look like. they were on the same page for a mere sentence then ended up on different books altogether, so to say.

anyway, I’m losing my point bc it’s 5 am here and I’m finally getting sleepy…but it took them a time limit of the apocawhoops for their relationship to progress significantly. and another catastrophe plus a literal intervention from Maggie and Nina for further progress. then, when they’re finally completely honest about what they want between the two of them, it’s when they have two opposing ideas. and those said ideas tie back to their individual trauma and fundamental parts of their characters…honestly, as much as I’d love for them to end up together, they need time apart to grow, Heaven’s interference notwithstanding (looking at you, Metatron). ironically, Aziraphale says, “nothing lasts forever” yet their idea of forever is much longer than humans’ and that resulted in stagnation.

truthfully, I think this was also quite realistic. some relationships don’t work out due to various factors. you could find the person you’d be most compatible with in the world and still end up separating if you’re not emotionally ready. love is incredibly complicated and messy.

Final thoughts:

the ending of this season fucking hurts but honestly, I loved it. I personally love these kinds of stories. and the direction of those final scenes was just…*chef’s kiss*

I’ve rewatched that last scene with them at least 5 times already. am I a masochist? probably lol but seeing their minute expressions really digs in the knife more and I love it.

special mention to Michael Sheen’s acting during and after the kiss, like make it hurt more, why don’t you??

I really loved the juxtaposition and parallels between these relationships. beautifully done, I wish I could write like that. I didn’t think I could respect the phenomenal writers more but here we are.

if you need me, I will be spending the next few days rewatching S2 and reading and possibly writing fanfiction. we'll see.

[lizardperson]

come all sufferers

part 4: long term side effects of getting shot in the head [on ao3]

fandom: fallout new vegas characters: female courier/original male character rating: m wc: 613 prompts: head injury for @sweetspicybingo

[hurt/comfort bingo masterlist]

---

Mika dropped down beside Gabriel, visibly pale and exhausted after throwing up for a good ten minutes. He handed her a water bottle and they both sat in silence for a bit. "It's getting worse. Those attacks, I mean," he eventually remarked. "Maybe my stomach just doesn't like your cooking," she grumbled at him, then made a face when he raised an eyebrow. "Sorry. Didn't mean to be a bitch. Your cooking is actually really good." The food wasn't the problem, and they both knew it. "It's getting more frequent." "No, it's-" Mika started to protest, then sighed. "I know." Since her encounter with Benny in Goodsprings, she had started having these episodes of sudden headaches and dizziness. It usually stopped again after about an hour, but the whole thing was getting irritating. And very concerning. Gabriel looked at her intently. "I really think you should talk to a doctor." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "No." "Why not?" "What's that supposed to do? It's not like they can un-shoot me," she objected, getting clearly annoyed by the whole topic. "But there might be ways to manage your symptoms," he suggested gently. "No! I don't want to. I hate doctors." Now she started to sound like a bratty child. He raised an eyebrow. "Why?" "I just do!" Gabriel was aware that she'd rather drop the topic, but now he needed to get to the bottom of this. "Wait, are you scared of doctors?" "What, no?! Of course not!" she huffed at his outrageous accusation. The way Mika protested told him that he was on the right track there. "Well, then I don't understand what the problem is..." He could see how defensive she was getting now, how much she hated this idea. "Tell you what, an old friend of mine works at the Follower's Fort. Next time we're in Freeside, we'll drop by, and she can take a look at you," he suggested. "She's a real good doctor. Someone I trust." Mika sighed, then her typical mischievous grin crept into her face. "Is she hot?" He laughed at the sudden mood shift. "Uhm... yeah. Yeah, she is." "Are you just saying that to get me to see her?" she chuckled. "No." Mika stared at the ground in front of her again for a few moments, apparently considering the whole thing. Then she suddenly looked up. "Wait... old friend, or old 'friend'?" "Excuse me?" She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Oh my god, I am asking if you were a thing!" He made a vague shrugging motion. "...it's complicated." "You do realize I am now dying of curiosity, right?" Then maybe he should use that to his advantage. "How about this: you go see her, and afterward I will try to satisfy your curiosity a bit." She frowned at him, still not entirely convinced. "I'll stay with you the whole time if you want." "I'm not a fucking toddler, I don't need handholding." "I know you don't, I'm just offering," he chuckled. You might not be a toddler, but sometimes you act like one, you little menace. Mika let out a long sigh. "Okay, fine. Next time we're in Freeside," she finally agreed, reluctantly. "But I'm not letting some labcoat poke around in my head, no matter how hot she is!" "Okay." "...and maybe you should come with me after all," she added sheepishly. "Just to make sure I don't hit on your ex too much."

[princess-of-the-corner]

Kinda curious now, what are your thoughts on Adrichat asking Maribug out instead of coming clean about figuring out her identity. I searched on your blog but if you've talked about it before the search function won't bring it up

I kinda wish we would have gotten something like that in the show properly. At the very least it would make their issues in S4 less one sided

It's.... complicated.

While I don't think I've made a post about it, I think I addressed it decently both through my writing of their romance in Lady Luck(where Adrien is the only one with a secret identity in the first place and Mari is in love with Chat), and through that one idea I had for a 'toxic ladrien dating' thing.

I understand Adrien's hesitance to tell Marinette that he knows her identity. I do 100% think he should have told her! But LB was always the much more hesitant one when it came to the identities, and she's rejected 'Chat' many times in favor of 'Adrien'.

Not only is he worried that she's going to have a huge panic and maybe try to get them to stop being partners because of the danger, but he fears that she might like him better as 'Adrien' than 'Chat'. (not in a 'true selves' way, but both are a persona and the real Adrien is a mix. Would she like the real Adrien though?)

Bonus points for the fact that while he's sure of his own feelings, she might take this revelation in a similar way of him loving 'Ladybug' and not 'Marinette'.

So he's hesitant to tell her, but very much in love with her, so he goes for the romance. And is probably trying to figure out a good way to tell her, but he hesitates. And the longer he hesitates, the harder it gets to tell her.

Adrien has also grown up in a household where, if he wants to have any sort of happiness, then a lot of times it's an 'ask forgiveness rather than permission' type of situation. Not justified either, but again a reason.

I still do think this is a bit sketchy, as he should have told her. Both so she knows and they're on equal ground, but also so that she's aware of the new layer of danger. That was a Bad Move™.

Now, my main problem with the hypothetical presented in Chat Blanc, of Adrien knowing Mari is Ladybug and dating her without telling her he knows and that he's Chat.

Is that there's a lot of room for potential manipulation.

We don't get to see where this goes! Because their dates in Chat Blanc are all just a montage of 'everything's perfect until Gabriel decides to be a big old bag of dicks'.

But there's a lot of things that he could do. Maybe it's something small and innocent, like Chat knows that Maribug had a bad day so Adrien shows up at the perfect time to give comfort. Maybe Ladybug spies a dress in the window she adores and the next day Adrien buys it for Marinette.

And that doesn't seem too bad. But there are things that she would vent to a friend like Chat rather than Adrien. Sometimes about Adrien. What happens when they have a fight, as all couples do, and she asks Chat for advice? Would he try to abstain knowing that he's biased, or would he tell her that her boyfriend is right and that she should feel bad for not listening to him?

Now, again: We never get to see this in the show. We never grapple with it. But it could have been interesting if we did, and that I'd have more of a 'hey that's FUCKED' stance on. Ofc Adrien can step back, learn from it, and fix it. But I think Marinette would have a right to be hurt.

Which is another thing that Chat Blanc didn't show us: Marinette's reaction to finding out how long he's known her identity.

I think she should have had every right to be mad at him. To yell and scream and call him out on that move. Maybe even break up with him and hell possibly even step back for a minute and let Scarabella handle things for a while because this has thrown off their whole partnership.

Ultimately he'd apologize, admit it was kinda fucked, promise to do better, and she'd forgive him and they'd start dating again on equal terms this time.

[spiced-koi-friend]

A Smile For The Road

Ruze continues to shove you and Gabriel together like Barbie dolls, and perhaps succeeds. Meanwhile, Altare is involving others in his nefarious schemes.

Previous Chapter

Assassin!Goldbullet x Politician!F!Reader, TW: bribery, implied stalking Words: 1509 | Rating: R | AO3

“Ohoho, I have a great idea.”

“What now, Ruze…”

It’s never a good thing when he comes up with an idea, because usually it means that someone is going to make a fool of themselves, and it’s rarely him. He just cackles at you, knowing you’ll never be mentally prepared for his bullshit.

“What if, we take you on a trip around town and show that you actually care about your community. Take a day in each of the districts, and it makes you a moving target so you’ll be more difficult to track. Wins all around!”

For once, you’re impressed with the idea, although as usual, your brain is trying to poke holes in his plan before anything can go wrong while you’re on the move.

“What about transportation?”

“Goldielocks and I will be with you the whole time, and we’ll switch around what car you’re in that way they never know.”

“And housing?”

“Betsy will take care of that, you know how picky he is about where he stays. And he volunteered to be your PR manager and plan all the stops.”

“...I was on board until you said that Bettel was planning most of this.”

“There’s worse things.”

Ruze cackles at you, looking over at Gabriel to gauge his reaction. He simply looks between the two of you, alarmed that you seem to be expecting something of him.

“What? Is there something on my face?”

“Are you up for a bit of political roadtripping? Take a bit to build support before election night? We can do it in the time between now and the next debate.”

You can’t read Gabriel’s face all that well, but it takes a bit of him thinking before he nods.

“I think I could clear my schedule… I’d need to check in with my boss though. Maybe take some time off, although I don’t know if they’ll approve since I just started.”

He grins at you, chuckling to himself as his eyes twinkle mischievously. It admittedly took you as second to get the joke, shaking your head at his ridiculous jests. 

“Alright, I’ll have to talk to Bettel to make sure he doesn’t plan anything stupid, or just do anything stupid in general. He better be having his brother look after his dog, I’m not dealing with the consequences of that dog’s mostly Taco Bell diet again.”

You round the desk, nodding to both of them as you go to speak to Bettel.

…

Shit. This keeps getting more and more complicated the longer he’s here. Now he’s involved in your campaigning? Altare already knows that he’s infiltrated in, but if he’s caught and recognized on television simping or doing something stupid, he’s done for. And so are you. 

“Aye Goldie, what’s going on in there?”

Ruze knocks on Gabriel’s head, startling him out of his thoughts.

“It’s… nothing. I guess I’m just worried I won’t be able to protect her…”

Gabriel starts fiddling with his necklace, holding it between his teeth while winding the chain around his fingers. The tips of his fingers on his other hand graze along the knife handle strapped in his belt holster, heart beating out of his chest as he tries to figure out how to fix all of this.

“Man, I saw your resume. If you can’t, no one can. I’ve seen some impressive shit in this industry, and I’m sure you have to. She’s just a mayor, not like you’re the secret service for the president or something. I mean, I don’t hate her, I’ve been working for her since I spawned into this world, or at least it feels like it. But this is easy shit, you’ll be okay.”

Gabriel looks at Ruze, eyeing him up and down, not expecting to receive a pep talk after all the teasing he’s been getting.

“And hey, if you’re looking to protect her heart from assholes wanting to use her for her position, you could ask her out. I don’t think she’d say no…”

Ruze gives him a shit-eating grin, and Gabriel realizes what he’s doing.

“Are you fucking around with me? I’ve been working here for a day and you’re trying to get me to date my boss? Isn’t that, like, illegal?”

“Eh, only if it interferes with your ability to work and there’s an unfair power dynamic being abused. And technically, she’s not your direct boss, I am. So you have me as a buffer, and a third wheel!”

“Oh shit…”

It all kind of hits him all at once, realizing he’s being dead serious. Ruze just cackles, wrapping an arm around Gabriel’s shoulders.

“You know when you first arrived, she could not shut up about you. So I made you take her out to lunch. She basically ripped me a new one when you guys got back, but it was worth it. I could tell it made her happier.”

“For real?”

“Do I look like the kind of bastard that just casually goes “oh hey, please date my boss, dude I just met”? Because I’m not. And if I did give off that vibe, I need to fix that.”

“She thinks I’m… pretty?”

“I mean, I think she’d rather tell you.”

He quirks an eyebrow at Ruze, before quickly realizing that you’re standing in the doorway. His face burns bright red, which he quickly tries to hide behind his hat and hands.

“Ruze!!”

“What!? I never promised to keep it a secret! I’m helping!”

“Helping, my ass! You flustered him and now it’s gonna be awkward!”

“Eh, I really doubt it. You should’ve seen his face.”

With that, before getting berated by you more, Ruze takes his leave. The two of you stand in silence, avoiding looking at each other as you try to grasp what Ruze was attempting to do.

“So… you think I’m pretty?”

“A little, if that doesn’t make you feel weird.”

“No! Not at all. It’s just, the feeling is mutual.”

Gabriel watches as rouge flushes up your neck, the way you start fiddling with the hem of your jacket and the bracelet around your wrist. A simple metal band with twelve stones, all different colors. He’ll have to ask about it later.

“Well that’s, convenient, I suppose.”

“Yeah…”

The silence is deafening, but he slowly works his way closer to you.

“So… do you wanna maybe, go out? Officially?”

When you don’t respond, he starts to think that he majorly fucked up, and starts thinking of every way he can possibly backpedal out of this.

“Yeah. I’d like to. Maybe we can try different restaurants as we make our rounds?”

“You think Ruze is going to let us go get food without him?”

“I mean, he tricked you into taking me out on a lunch date anyways.”

“Y’know what, you got me there.”

The two of you laugh, and he freezes when you grab his hand, looking down at you with wide eyes.

“Don’t stress yourself too much for this job. Just, let me know if you get overwhelmed, I’ll do anything I can to help.”

“I’m a big boy, don’t you worry about me. You’re paying me to worry about you, so let’s keep it that way.”

“Alright, Goldie~”

…

Altare slides a manilla folder across the desk, leaning back in the armchair as Axel hovers over his shoulder. The journalist warily opens it, thumbing through the photos and documents.

“I need you to follow these two, gather any photos you can. For every photo you get of the two of them, I’ll give you five hundred dollars.”

“That much? Is she your wife or something? Because if you’re wanting someone to follow them to see if she’s cheating, you got the wrong man. I don’t just go around photographing politicians without their knowledge. I mostly focus on nature and dogs.”

“I’m aware, which is why I need it to be you. You will be perfectly disguised, pretending to take pictures of the environment. And plus, don’t you need a little bonus? I heard from a little birdie that you were saving to go to medical school.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. But do you need to have them like, doing something? Is there something you’re looking for?”

“That is for me to know, and you to not worry about. As long as they’re both in frame and the image is not blurry, five hundred dollars. It’s that simple.”

The journalist pauses, looking down at the contents of the folder again as he tries to weigh his options.

“And this isn’t illegal?”

“As long as they’re in a public area, they cannot do a thing. Just don’t commit a crime, and it’s not illegal.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s how the law works in general, bro.”

Axel pipes up for the first time since arriving, startling both of them.

“...yes, thank you, Axel. Take the time this evening to go over your options, but do get back to me tomorrow with your decision.”

“Y-Yes sir…”

Altare and Axel take their exit, leaving Octavio to make a very difficult decision.

[little-miss-understood]

All About the Agrestes

(Which is really what Miraculous Ladybug has become)

At some point in between releasing the PV-version of Miraculous Ladybug, and taking the series to air, a decision was made in regards to how the deuteragonist would relate to the antagonist of the story. As most know by now, originally the villain and the character who had the Black Cat were not related, but that ended up being changed by the time the show we know now made it to air.

To the detriment of everything that came after. It overtly complicates everything when it doesn't have to be.

And we can blame Thomas Astruc for this decision, as he believed that Felix as he was in PV came off too much as an "anime cliché". Which is honestly surprising when one considers that in the series, when he is reintroduced, he basically becomes more effective than Adrien ever could be.

But the effect of doing this change, in making Adrien and then also having him be the son of Gabriel Agreste, who is the main villain, makes the whole series unbalanced. It gives everything away before the start because it makes the ending that's coming be tragic for all involved. There's no way out of that, much like the fucking Love Square itself.

One has to ask, why? What could have been done better? For starters, actually keeping Adrien and Gabriel as separate entities and not family would have made for a stronger series, though I suppose there would be less needless angst (Chat Blanc haunting Marinette) here and there. Have his parents be some rich family but then it becomes a tale about how two teens get wrapped up in this whole Miraculous thing and neither really wanted to be. Then there's also faulty math in the chances of Hawk Moth being, of all people, the father of one of Marinette's classmates. There are thousands bordering millions of people in Paris and somehow it all comes down to one family and a class of kids? A stronger villain would have come from being outside of that entirely.

(Which is also why Marinette would have been smart to choose people outside of her class to be heroes, but I digress it's kind of hard to show that on a series where the budget only allows for reuse of most akumas outside of new ones for Chloe every season.)

(Yes this also means Adrien's not a Sentimonster in this scenario but honestly they pulled that out of their asses.)

The story of the Agrestes also overshadows that of Marinette, and it's a shame. I've brought up before about how the show pushes her to the background but Season 5 has hammered it in even more, considering this is the season we also finally learn of Gabriel's past, how they found the Miraculous in the first place, and then everything involved in getting this mess to a "conclusion".

This is without going into how Adrien ends up being a significantly flawed deuteragonist, how Gabriel is a monster yet ends up winning, and honestly for what? So that the whole series can revolve around Marinette saving the "Prince"? If we were being realistic, Marinette should have sidestepped all of this and the mess the Agreste family is.

For a show about "Girl Power", they seem to lean into the lifestyles of this rich family an awful lot, and it makes a waste of five seasons. They won't have this crutch soon, so I wonder how they're going to make use of Lila as the Butterfly-

(remembers that they gave her three mothers and multiple identities in Season 5)

Goddamnit.

[bernardellinewsagency]

Trigun reverse au ramblings

No one asked to hear about my reverse au, but you're getting it anyways! I wanna share my stuff with more people. It started as wondering if I could come up with an explanation for an au in which Vash and Nai switch sides, but then... I got a bit too into it. And started switching all the characters around. With varying results. I think the results are all good, the thing that varies is how fucked up everyone gets as a result of being switched around.

Basic summary: Nai is an Independent, but he can still function like other Plants do. That means he can help humanity. He can be of use to them. So the humans on Ship 5 love him, whereas most tend to shun Vash and his apparent lack of powers. Harboring resentment, Vash eventually is the one to crash the ships and strand humanity on a desert planet. After discovering his own powers, he ends up becoming the leader of the Horn of Gabriel, a religious cult devoted to "saving" those who humanity has cast aside, and casting judgement on those who would deem others worthless. Nai, meanwhile, wanders the planet, helping those he can while being chased for the bounty on his head and having to reckon with his brother's actions.

Okay now onto the real ramblings:

CHARACTERS:

Vash is also known as the "Archangel". He despises humanity for how it treats those it deems worthless. And he hates Nai for choosing their side, but loves him because he's an Independent too and therefore better than humanity, but hates him because he got to have humanity's love while Vash got nothing. It's... complicated. He wants Nai to join his side, and is willing to go to extreme measures to get him to see how evil and corrupt humanity actually is, how unworthy it is of their help and mercy.

His cult is called the Horn of Gabriel because that is what heralds the beginning of judgement day, and he's all about judging humanity to see who he'll let live. Also because it fits with the Eye of Michael, goes with the pattern of "the OBJECT of BIBLICAL FIGURE/ANGEL".

You know how Nai just really casually has dead Plants as decorations? I can make it worse. Vash finds Tesla without Nai there, and he realizes what humanity could, and probably will, do to him. What they'll do to Nai once he stops being useful. This fuels his decision to crash the ships, but he makes sure that Tesla is safe in the crash. Why? Oh, because he just casually keeps her around as a constant reminder of why he's doing what he does. Reverse Vash is so fucked up in my au and I love it.

After the crash, Nai very quickly went from having the attitude of "I'm humanity's most special little guy" to "all of this world's problems are because of me". He's traumatized!

I figured that giving him the ability to summon a metric fuck ton of knives would make this au pretty boring, because it'd be way too easy for him to get away from any problem I could throw at him, and those are needed to make him even more traumatized. The solution? Oh, you know, toss in a scene where Vash uses his powers to make Nai lose control of his own powers. Because of Vash, Nai accidentally killed a whole bunch of people, and got a bounty placed on his head along with the name Nai the Tempest. I'm thinking of like, a tempest of blades. And several other assorted nicknames using words like carnage, slaughter, murderer, etc. After that, he got Conrad and Elendira to make him some sort of a power limiter, cutting off his own powers so he can never accidentally harm someone with them again.

Because yes! Conrad and Elendira are good guys in this! They switch places with Brad and Luida. Honestly, this part was sort of motivated by me thinking of how hot Luida could be as a mad scientist. She does all the human experimentation, and Brad specializes in lost tech, making Vash's prosthetic (Nai still manages to cut off one of his arms in a fight, probably the same one where Vash makes him go haywire) and most of the cool weapons that members of the Horn of Gabriel use. Elendira is still a Plant-human hybrid experiment, and because I say so, she's canonically transgender like in Trimax. She's also closer in age to Nai so she doesn't look like a weird small child. Conrad is mostly just a chill scientist dad who helps to take care of Nai, they both care about him a lot. Plus, I'm using Elendira to open up the possibility of parallels between her and Nai, and Vash and Tesla. The twins and the sisters they care about.

Wolfwood and Livio switch places, but Wolfwood fits more into Legato's role. He's utterly obsessed with and devoted to Vash. I don't think I'm capable of not including vashwood in any au I come up with, but in this one, it's incredibly toxic actually! Livio, though, joined the Horn of Gabriel in order to stay with Wolfwood, follow in his footsteps, only to come to regret it because it really, really sucks. Getting experimented on and turned into a weapon isn't a great time for anyone. Razlo is also there, and blames himself for not being able to stop Livio from joining, taking on the brunt of what they go through. Luida notices him, though, and threatens him into cooperation. Working for Vash is better than both of them dying, and if her threats are to be believed, it's far better than leaving Livio without a protector.

Zazie is still a Worm hivemind. But in this au I really like to compare them to The Little Mermaid, because they're fascinated by humanity. Life on the planet was dreadfully boring until they crashed there. They come to care about humans, and want to live amongst them, so they get a human body to use to go travel the human world. They, uh, take over an actual human's mind in order to use their body. It's fucked up. When I write the actual fic for this au I hope to bring up just how fucked up it is in the funniest way possible.

Legato had a shitty past. A really, really, really shitty past. He's trying to avoid it, traveling the world just to try and feel like he's truly getting away from it. But since he didn't have Knives to give him meaning and purpose in life... he's trying to find it for himself. And I'm so proud of him. He genuinely wants to help people the way that he wishes someone would have helped him! He's a much better person than his canon counterpart, though I guess the bar is on the floor at this point. The bar is in hell. I need to figure out to extent of his powers, because I don't want to make him too powerful for the same reasoning as Nai, it wouldn't be fun if he didn't have any trouble with fights and whatnot. I need tension! Conflict! Anyways, he eventually starts to travel with Zazie, and the two eventually meet Nai, and then they meet Livio, and well, you know the rest. Probably. If you don't know the rest then don't look at the section about the plot of the fic cause you'll get Tristamp spoilers.

Meryl and Roberto are on Vash's side. How? Easy solution. The Horn of Gabriel has a spy network that stretches throughout the planet. I figured making them spies sort of plays off of how they're reporters in Tristamp. Also it lets me make Meryl more badass, and that makes me go awooga. And it lets me play around with what her personal philosophy could be like. She knows that she's a good person, because what she does is all for the sake of helping people who humanity won't help. Humanity is flawed, but if she saves those who can still be saved, that's good, right? It doesn't matter what she's doing to do that. The ends justify the means. As for Roberto, well, he's sort of the same as in canon. After all, who's going to suspect that the dude who looks like a drunk uncle is actually a spy? He says that his days of wearing cool outfits and kicking ass are far behind him, and Meryl is determined to get pictures of what he looked like back then.

Milly! I'm not forgetting her! I know this is mostly based on Tristamp and she hasn't shown up in there yet, but I love her too much to leave her out. She works in insurance, except here, "insurance" means she's the one making sure no one finds out about the Horn of Gabriel's darker dealings. Sort of like their clean up crew, she hides their secrets and takes care of any loose ends that get left behind. Despite her work, though, she's still very bright and bubbly and sweet :D

PLOT:

The plot points are based on Tristamp, I'm trying to stick to what it has and only change some necessary bits to accommodate the changes I've made with this au.

How does Jeneora Rock get destroyed if Nai isn't the one to do it? Black hole in the sky. It's really effective. Say goodbye to your town, everyone, cause it's just Gone all of a sudden. Also, side note, Rosa is officially the mayor of the town in this au, and in my notes for the au I mostly refer to her as the #1 milf. I'm not wrong. She shares the spot with Rem.

Does this mean Livio gets to be the one hit by a car when he meets Legato and Zazie and Nai? Yes. It's funny. But I can't have Zazie make the group get swallowed by a Worm, so they're going to panic and try to bring him to somewhere, hopefully a hospital because they think he needs medical help, except the whole building is actually going to be a trap, and Meryl's going to be the one manipulating the group and putting Livio into a situation where he can gain their trust.

Does all the stuff with Rollo still happen? Yes. Razlo is the one to kill him. It's emotionally damaging for everyone involved.

Is Wolfwood going to do what Livio does on the sandsteamer? Yes. I cannot emphasize enough how much I'm putting every god damn character through trauma. While Meryl and Roberto are sabotaging stuff to force Livio into the most precarious position possible, he's fighting him with all that he's got on Vash's orders. Livio doesn't want to hurt Wolfwood, but he doesn't have to. He manages to get through to him. And when Wolfwood realizes what he's been doing, when he realizes that he's been trying to kill his own brother all because some abusive asshole told him to... he turns his aim to himself. Don't worry, Luida will fix him up, but Livio doesn't really know that. He just watches Wolfwood fall off the side of the ship and loses his shit.

Does Roberto still die? Yes. As much as I love him and refer to him as babygirl... I have to kill him off. I think Legato is going to be the one to kill him. I think he doesn't want to kill people, I think it's going to be an accident, I think Meryl is never going to forget or forgive and she's going to have a vendetta against Legato for killing her mentor. Like how Legato in canon is determined to make Vash's life a living hell, she's determined to get back at him. It'll be fun. For me, at least, and probably Meryl too. It won't be fun for Legato.

What name does Nai use when he forgets who he is in the end after the showdown with Vash? I don't know yet.

Why is there an epic showdown with Vash? What's his plan for once Livio brings Nai to July? I also don't know yet. It's fine. It'll be revealed to me eventually. I am plagued by visions but luckily they help me write fanfiction and figure out plot points.

And that's... most of what I have so far!! I didn't even go into detail about appearances cause that would just make this even longer and I don't wanna deal with that. I'll make what everyone looks like in the au as a separate post or smth. Maybe I'll make art for it. I need to continue actually writing out the au as a full fanfic, but once I have more for it, I'll probably post it here and/or ao3. I'm really excited to see how far I can take these ideas! And how fucked up I can make it. Also if you want to hear me ramble about more fanfiction ideas/aus, let me know, because I can and will post about my other ideas, like my trigun/valorant crossover fic that's in the works.

[words-after-midnight]

@cwritesfiction made this Share an Excerpt post the other day and I immediately thought of this segment from a truly ridiculous additional/deleted scene to Life in Black and White, which involves Jeff convincing Gabriel to steal a parasol from an old lady's balcony at two in the morning in January (2002). The segment I'm sharing takes place in the basement of Jeff's house. Contextual note: Jimmy is the owner of their favorite diner, who Jeff tells everyone has dementia even though he does not.

cw: suggestive, sexual content (mentioned/implied; minors DNI)

It’s just past one in the morning, and we’re sitting in the basement listening to Appetite for Destruction. Jeff’s lounging on one of the cinema chairs, face deadpan, staring up at the ceiling. I’m trying to decide if I want to do something else or just give up and go to bed already. I’ve been procrastinating on working on an assignment for one of my classes for four hours. It’s kind of late now.

Suddenly, as I’m gazing into the TV from my spot on the couch, lost in no specific thought in particular, I’m snapped back to reality by Jeff plopping down onto the couch beside me. I didn’t even hear him get up. There’s a weird look on his face - halfway between intense focus and like he’s trying not to laugh.

“What’s up?” I ask, somewhat alarmed.

In a fluid gesture, he grabs the large bottle of vodka that’s been hanging out on the coffee table since I brought it down here a few days ago. Hard to believe considering my complicated relationship with this particular liquid these days, but it’s still over three quarters full. He holds the bottle in both hands in his lap, looking down at it musingly, considering it for a moment. Then, he looks back up at me and asks me casually, "What if I drank this whole thing and gave myself alcohol poisoning?"

Well, that’s not what I was expecting, but okay. "I'd probably recommend not doing that," I tell him.

"I'll take that under advisement," he says, grinning - smugly - as he uncaps the bottle. Throws the cap carelessly to the floor. Watches it fall. "Okay, advisement over. I've just decided… I'm going to chug this whole thing right now unless you go upstairs and tell Daphne."

I frown, confused. "What do you mean, tell Daphne? Tell Daphne what?"

He just smiles. Gives me a brief, suggestive eyebrow raise. 

My heart drops into my stomach. "Oh, fuck no,” I exclaim. “Are you high?"

He chuckles. "I'm dead serious. Oh, yes. Go on. Go upstairs and tell her about all the times you've been down here sucking my dick while she was in her room two floors up. Otherwise I’m drinking this entire thing right here and now."

I imagine I must look a bit like a baby deer in a transport truck's headlights right now. I just look at him, dumbfounded. "I -"

He cuts me off. Smacks my arm with gusto, eyes wide, grinning widely, like he's just had the best idea since the lightbulb. "No, no, wait, even better - tell her about the time you fucked me in a cabin not two hundred feet from the tent she was sleeping in."

I can’t tell for sure because I feel like the connection between my brain and my body is currently being severed, but if I had to guess, I’d say I’m probably sweating like a malfunctioning fire hydrant at the moment. I just stare at him. "For fuck sakes… what is wrong with you?” I say practically under my breath, before adding at a higher volume, “Are you good?"

He ignores me, because unfortunately, he isn’t fucking done. "Mm, yeah, I'm sure she'd love to know all about how hard you made me come that night with my legs wrapped around your -"

At this point, I've all but lunged forward, smacking a hand onto his mouth in a desperate attempt to make him shut the fuck up. He's trying to fucking kill me. I'm convinced. "Stop. I swear to God."

He makes eye contact with me as he grabs my hand with both of his and half-seriously bites it before yanking it sharply away from his face. "What?" he says teasingly. "Don't tell me you already forgot..."

Hah. Haha. Very funny. Someone give the man an award for outstanding performance in comedy. I can’t quite keep the hint of a smile from my face. "You may have convinced Jimmy he has Alzheimer's, but I certainly don't."

He laughs. Shrugs. "Well. Anyway. If you ever want a repeat of that, you'd better make sure I don't drink all of this, hmm?"

I’m just sitting here, looking at him, completely baffled. I’m honestly just at a loss. "Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you right now?"

He lazily points to the ceiling. "Go on. Go tell her."

"Are you for -"

He snaps his fingers. "Wait, actually, I changed my mind. You have two options."

Oh no. I know what he's going to say before he even opens his mouth again. "No," I say firmly.

"I want Linda Peacock's parasol."

"No."

"Come on."

"I'm not stealing that fucking parasol. Go get it yourself if you want it so bad."

The look on his face right now is just cruel. Feigning consideration for a moment, he says, "Hmm… no. I want it just bad enough to make you do it for me. Which you will."

"Oh yeah? How? Because I'll tell you right now, it's going to take a lot more than you pinky swearing not to give yourself alcohol poisoning." I reach out, grabbing the neck of the bottle and trying to pull it from his grasp, but he tightens his grip. Some of the vodka swishes out, falling into his lap. He frowns, then grins at me intently. 

"I'll let you sleep in my room," he says. 

Deliberately, I look down at the vodka so that his eyes don’t checkmate me right now. Okay. I see how it is. He's bringing out the big guns to this fistfight. Unluckily for him, I know an obvious bluff when I hear one. "Yeah, right."

"I mean it."

"Uh huh," I snap back, sarcastically. "I'm not stealing Linda's parasol. Get over it."

He manages to draw my gaze to his own again as he takes a couple of hearty swigs from the bottle. Then, he sets it firmly on the table, lies back on the couch with his head in my lap, one arm draped lazily overhead and the other across his stomach. He looks directly up at me, and says, "You're going to go get that parasol, because when you get back, I'll let you do whatever you want to me."

Ten minutes later we're in the front yard. He's pacing playfully in a circle around me, grinning victoriously, swinging the bottle around in his hand. He points intently to the apartment building two doors down. Cackles as he takes a swig. "Go on, then. Do it. Better hurry up, or I'll have finished this by the time you get back…"

I start walking across the lawn and hear him whistling gleefully behind me. Sounds like he’s having the time of his damn life out here. I sure hope he’s fucking enjoying himself. He can gloat as much as he wants. I’m going to get that goddamn parasol and then I’m coming back here and wiping that smug fucking look right off his face.

[bamfdaddio]

X-Men Unabridged 1985: The Trials of Magneto and Cyclops

The X-Men, those litigious mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. We’ve been untangling that history for a while, but sometimes, you really want a more in-depth look. Interested? Then read the (un)Abridged X-Men!

(X-Men 200 - 201) - by Chris Claremont, John Romita Jr., Dan Green and Rick Leonardi

“Ultra low power”? Fuck, Cyclops, you’re such a massive dork. (X-Men 201)

After a year of meandering storylines, Claremont kept two good plots in the chamber. Issue 200 is a big one that is meant to shake up the status quo, while issue 201 is a quiet baseball issue that then reasserts it again. One is a trial drama about the insidious nature of prejudice and how one person can be made to represent the whole group he is a part of, the other is Storm wiping the floor with a deadbeat baby daddy.

These issues are cool because they can basically be summarized as:

Magneto is right

Storm is cool 

But first, let’s reveal why you’d never want Loki to drive your Uber and drop you off at your home. 

I love that Wolverine, of all people, is worried about papers. Also, none of the X-Men carry some money in their suits? No hidden pouch with a few dollars, two ibuprofen and a fake passport? OMG is this what let to their pouch-craze in the nineties?! (X-Men 200)

This is a very unnecessary handwave for an unnecessary complication, because there’s absolutely no time-crunch or narrative reason for the X-Men to immediately appear in Paris, other than stupidly keeping Madelyne and Scott apart. Oh, Loki. Even making mischief on a narrative level! Maybe we can blame the looming Inferno on him, eh?

There’s a trial report in progress, spilling the t on Magneto’s arrest. A journalist explains which crimes Magneto stands trial for and in passing mentions how some people think he’s just as bad a Hitler. (Which I’ve always found to be a gross comparison, considering. Yes, Magneto is racist against humans and yes, that is his flaw, but the amount of terror he’s inflicted on the world barely scratches the surface of what Hitler has wrought. He’s barely been a dictator here, and that was only for one issue.) Anyway, because of undefined reasons, the International Court has moved from the Hague to Paris. I’m guessing Paris is a more picturesque battleground.

The trial report is being observed by two rich twins whose Aryan looks are surely a coincidence.

Amazingly, these two predate Jaime and Cersei Lannister by at least 7 years. (X-Men 200)

It’s the worst two twins in the Marvel Universe! When we met them before, they randomly put a bullet through Storm. The only thing I find unbelievable here is that someone as born-rich as Andreas would ever advocate for something as common as a guillotine. 

Meanwhile, a Soviet military installation is raided and, later, a German fighter jet is attacked. Both times, a message is left by the attackers: free magneto - the x-men. LeGasp!

To trim the cast a little, Charles shuttles the New Mutants off to Muir Isle, under the pretense that if something happens to the X-Men here, they’ll at the very least be safe. The X-Men remain in Paris, on guard, and the trial starts in one of the weirdest ways possible: with a motion to strike half of Magneto’s crimes from the record on account of being *checks notes* babified. 

A ship of Theseus-argument? In my courtroom? It’s more likely than you think. (X-Men 200)

Amazingly, the judge grants Gabrielle’s motion, and all my watching of The Good Wife hasn’t taught me how a real judge would respond to that motion. It does make me wonder how much more badass Alicia Florrick would be if she got to smoke in the court room. 

More interesting, however, is the crowd’s response to Gabrielle. When I was a  teenager reading this, the antisemitism seemed out of place and a little too cynical, but these days, I’m not so sure. Surely, in the Marvel Universe, there’s fora and reddits where people hate Magneto not because he’s a mutant, but because he’s Jewish.

I wonder how many people hate Wiccan and Hulkling and the 'wocification' of their superheroes. Why can't they just all be white right, like Captain America, or rich, like Iron Man?

Anyway, during recess, it becomes even more evident that this trial is bringing out all the crazies:

Misogyny, anti-mutant, xenophobic… This crowd hits it all! Good thing the good guys didn’t bring Storm. Or Iceman. (X-Men 200)

I always love how the women in Xavier’s life temper his idealism (and, eh, his trite bon mots) with cynical realism. Moira is not exactly a rose-colored glasses kind of lady, and neither is Gabrielle. I’d think she’s being a little harsh with her parents here – I don’t think anyone who died in Bergen-Belsen can be viewed as ‘lucky’ – but I’m not a camp survivor. Gabrielle gets to have all the complicated emotions about her parents she wants. 

Incidentally, I do feel more emboldened by Gabrielle’s call to arms (“don’t surrender”) than Xavier’s “nooo, that silly crowd doesn’t really mean it”.

Then, the narrative gives old Scott “till death or long distance do us part” Scummers the absolute flimsiest reason to stay in Paris, because ‘the X-Men’ attack a hospital in Magneto’s name. This time the real X-Men try and prevent it, but it is of no avail: they still end up being blamed.

On the other side of the world, Madelyne’s water breaks. Yes, she has to have her baby all on her own. Yes, Cyclops has been hanging around in Paris for like, a week, instead of jetting back home to support his wife. Yes, Cyclops is a terrible husband. Yes, that’s about to be really in character for him. 

ANYWAY! While a pro-mutant crowd is rallied outside the court house (a refreshing change), the prosecutors bring the sinking of the Russian Leningrad-submarine as evidence that Magneto is a criminal. (Back then, drowning Russians was more frowned upon.) Magneto, dramatic bitch that he is, uses this moment to claim the spotlight and the soapbox, and explains why he let himself get arrested in the first place:

If I’d been at that judges panel, I wouldn’t have heard a word of what the silver fox with the massive upper arms was saying. Naturallement. (X-Men 200)

While I love Magneto’s reason for putting himself on trial, I dig this mostly for character development reasons. Magneto finally finishes the noble turn he’s been working on for a while. In the sixties, he was a corny villain; in the seventies, a ruthless antagonist and finally, here, he’s become an idealistic anti-hero. Of course, I don’t think his ploy will work: Magneto has long been found guilty in the court of public opinion and the crowds there don’t really do penitence.

Speaking of the public! They’re under attack! A river boat filled with attackers in robo-suits spawns on the Seine, and soon, all the X-Men are involved in a pretty scenic if expensive tour of Paris.

Would’ve been hilarious if they had then used Colossus to ring the bells of the Notre Dame. Don’t worry about the window! A planetwide Kicktarter will fix that right up. (X-Men 200)

Not pictured: Nightcrawler fighting someone on top of the Arc du Triomphe, Cyclops punching someone down the staircase of le Sacre Coeur en Storm kicking someone in front of the Mona Lisa. (X-Men 200)

Cyclops is the only one who figures out that this would be the perfect moment for a distraction. And it is. The twins strike in the court room, making the already muddled trial a lot more complicated. They call themselves Fenris and they wish to have their revenge on Haller, Xavier and Lensherr, but they have absolutely no problem with killing any and all humans that get in their way.

Together with a fly-by Rachel, Magneto subdues the twins and stops the hateful racist prosecutor from beaning Andrea (the female twin) in the head with a rock. Good guy Magneto! Rachel then picks up a thought from the twins: Strucker. Magneto then quickly figures out that they are the offspring of Baron Von Strucker, a nazi that a young Xavier, Haller and Lensherr took down in Israel. Magneto even absconded with a giant cache of his gold! 

While Magneto checks on Xavier, the Struckers seize that moment to bring down the walls! The Seine rushes in and washes the twins, Xavier and Magneto off into the catacombs! (Oh, right! That's another popular attraction! How could I have forgotten that one?)

The racist prosecutor says good riddance to bad rubbish, once again equating the literal fucking Nazi twins with Magneto, and the judge, who has been presented as Stern but Fair throughout, only has one appropriate response for him:

Exhibit A in the case of: Why Judges Should Be Allowed to Slap Lawyers (X-Men 200)

The Strucker twins are washed out of the narrative, while Magneto saves Xavier. And then finally, finally, the Undefined But Serious Malady that has been sapping Xavier’s strength for the whole year after he got jumped and mutant bashed in the street is getting the best of him. Xavier lays dying.

kiss kiss Kiss Kiss KISS KISS KISSSSSSSSS ( X-Men 200)

That’s when Lilandra and/or Editorial intervene: Editorial because they don’t want to kill off Xavier and Lilandra because she wants to save her lover and/or senses that he’s about to reconnect with his one true love. Lilandra and the Starjammers whisk away Xavier for an undetermined time of healing, leaving a bereft Magneto. He vows to keep his promise to Xavier!

Sadly, we never got the title of Magneto & the X-Men out of all this.

Instead, we check back on the X-Men when they’ve finally returned home to celebrate the fact that Madelyne has gotten a baby! I never realized I would share an opinion on babies with Wolverine, but there you have it: 

Raise your hand if you’d swap places with Rachel in an instant, and you absolutely wouldn’t mind if Kurt used the tail. (X-Men 201)

Love the detail of Logan holding his nose when Kurt ‘ports too close.

Madelyne discusses Scott’s behaviour with Storm, rightfully angry with her husband for not coming to her side during the last few days of her pregnancy. Does Scott even love her? Storm assures her Scott does, but (basically) that he’s also super-duper repressed. (So repressed he didn’t tell his friends he had a brother for like, five years.)

Rachel, meanwhile, greets her sort-of brother. I’m not the biggest fan of Rachel, especially in this era: she’s a fatalistic dourpuss who’s either:

Terrified that the dark and terrible future where she comes from will eventually come to pass;

Depressed that this timeline is happening differently so that her existence is rendered moot.

I was expecting histrionics over the birth of baby Nathan (named after Scott’s dad, who’s currently traveling space with Scott’s surrogate dad, Xavier), but no. Refreshingly, Rachel is actually filled with joy:

I wonder how useful telepathy would be when raising babies. Would you be able to figure out why the tyke is crying, or wouldn’t they have particularly cognizant thoughts? (X-Men 200)

Baseball intermezzo!

We briefly check in with Xavier, who is fully healed! But he can’t return to Earth, because Lilandra and the Starjammers are off in a distant corner of the universe, being pursued by Shi’ar hunters and zzz… Boring Shi’ar politics are only allowed when they barely figure into the plot and keep Xavier away from the main narrative, but that doesn’t mean I’ll actually pay attention.

If you’re wondering where Magneto is, well, the X-Men obviously have a hard time trusting him, so he’s down in the Danger Room, training the New Mutants. (Yo, X-Men, should the former villain really be training your teenage buddies unsupervised?) 

In fact, Magneto’s presence (and Xavier’s lack thereof) prompts Cyclops to tell Madelyne he can’t leave the X-Men! They need him! They need a leader! Storm? Storm can’t lead them, she doesn’t even have powers! Madelyne is basically all, are you that pathetic that you need the X-Men to need you? They’re having it out in a huge, loud fight and we’re all on Madelyne’s side. 

And then Storm, either annoyed that Cyclops called her useless or genuinely trying to help Scott move beyond his repression, interferes. 

I would be so fucking mad with Scott that we’d be having a make-it-or-break-it fight while he’s decked out in his fucking uniform. Madelyne, you’re a saint. (X-Men 201)

I love how Ororo plays this. She even gives him one last chance to back out, but alas. Cyclops doesn’t take it and Storm kicks his ass - even without her powers. One cool move is when she uses his own arm to block his eye beams. She wins the fight by stealing his visor, showing how sometimes having powers can be a liability. (It also doesn’t help that Scott is in emotional turmoil, but that’s kind of on him. Go raise your fucking baby, Scott.)

Yeah, Scott, everyone loves to be put second place to their partner's job. ffs (X-Men 201)

Storm is in, Scott is out. All is right with the world. I hope Scott will love his retirement and that it will be a good long time until we see him again. I hope him and Madelyne will have a very happy, normal life, somewhere in Alaska, and that–

Oh, he’s immediately shuffled off to X-Factor, where he will endure a terrible character derailment?

That’s just swell.

Sigh.

Up next: Nobody likes Magneto! A new spin-off! And… the (first) Mutant Massacre! *dun dun dun*

[dellafloosh]

NO BUT WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

I have so many thoughts

Spoilers for Good Omens below the cut

Ok so… Christ what a season. I loved everything about that. If Season 3 doesn’t get made I will cry.

Let’s start off with the easy stuff. Michael Sheen and David Tennant have amazing chemistry and play their parts so perfectly.

Crowley was already my favourite character even before this season but he just gets better. Him arresting himself to go to heaven was just so enjoyable to watch, and heaven not “changing their passwords” makes sense when you take into account Crowley’s earlier comment about how if you’re in, they don’t care if you’re an outsider.

Aziraphale was just as charming as in S1 and the book, however I feel his out-of-style-ness was cranked to 11 which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense when he’s clearly very interested in people, but I take it as a stylistic choice by him, choosing that he simply likes talking with old-timey slang and quips.

Jim, short for Gabriel, was just so good. Every interaction he had with other characters was just delightful. He truly just had no idea what was going on and I loved it. One thing I did note was his purple eye thing, which happened at three times that I noticed. Twice in the bookshop and once during the Archangel meeting when he was getting fired. Not sure what it meant during the meeting but found it interesting.

Beelzebub was honestly probably the biggest improvement from S1. I’m not saying they were bad in S1, just not very present. But in Season 2, just amazing stuff. They’re starting to blur the line more, to a darker shade of grey instead of everything being black & white. The fly gifting was just so nice, similar to when Crowley made Jim a cup of hot chocolate which was such a small but huge thing for a demon to do!!

Beelzebriel is my second-favourite ship and it was on screen for like 5 minutes. I wish them all the luck.

Shax was definitely the antagonist of the season, but what was gonna happen with her was kinda predictable. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, just not that very interesting.

All the angels were quite good, definitely played their “Follow the rules” parts really well. Muriel seems nice, but if she sells even one book she will face the wrath of the Supreme Archangel.

SPEAKING OF WHICH

The ending was………… heartbreaking. Aziraphale got the job as Supreme Archangel and, when asked to become an angel again and work beside him, Crowley rightfully declined.

Crowley left heaven for a reason, he was upset with the system and felt the need to take a stand. Why would he ever want to come back?

Aziraphale believes that he’ll be able to change the system if he gets to a high enough position, but Crowley knows that he and Aziraphale could get a life for themselves all alone, just like Beelzebriel. Away from the system, from Heaven and Hell and all the complications they brought them.

The thing is that both of them are correct in their own ways. Until we see how it goes it’s so hard to tell who is correct.

THE KISS my god the kiss I have so many thoughts.

First of all, Aziraphale’s reaction was so devastating. I want to cry. I did cry. But that was when they kissed, not after. Crowley’s whole big talk about it being just the two of them for millennia was so good and I just wish Aziraphale could choose the slightly selfish route and go with his husband.

And now that these genderqueer dragkings have kissed I want to talk about how fucking inclusive this series is.

Like in S1 there was inclusivity, with Pollution and Beelzebub and all the “not men” moments (very Janet of them both). But Season 2, Jesus Christ (or is that S3??!!). The main love focus is a wlw couple, there’s a genderqueer person dating a POC, so much gender everywhere, just so much taking away the heteronormativity without making a huge statement.

Making a huge statement can be good and is VERY often good. But the fact is that trans people and gays exist everywhere without it having to be the main focus of their identities, and seeing that portrayed in a series is just so great.

And there’s a DISABLED ANGEL I love them so much. They kinda replaced Michael as Michael replaced Gabriel, which I like and they fit the role really well.

Writing this has been the main focus of my day and I absolutely adore this series. For S3, I hope we get to see more of God and Satan, the two opposing poles on the Celestial compass, and getting to see Jesus would be really fun.

[backrooms-birthday-party]

De Selby 1 & 2 - very hoz, sincere and then bouncy, the Irish is so beautiful coming from him, makes me feel 11 again finding celtic woman, and de Selby 2 has got to be my favorite upbeat sounding one of his

First Time - sad but catchy. I love hearing baby, which is a big part of the sad, the anyway will always kill me

Francesca - 10/10, wonderful, kinda Peter Gabriel, lovely, the ending will always be the hardest for me to sing

I, Carrion - stripped down goodness, to get to hear him do this live *swoon* I'd die, so fucking good sad too, good idea for it to be on lust as well

Eat Your Young - super good, will always bounce to this one

Damage Gets Done - brandi is doing everything here, really compliments hoz's voice wonderfully, super poppy and I love it, that weird glitch will always stratch my brain tho

Who We Are - good one for the album tone, really feels Unreal Unearth to me, just a real gut punch, hold me like a knife!!

Son of Nyx - amazing, just perfect, probably my fav of the album, has tones of pink floyd and linkin park to me, just ethereal ✨️

All Things End - I loved this from the EP (through me was my fav), but everything about this one is amazing

To Someone From A Warm Climate - feels sorta Fiona Apple-y, another hard gut punch, so lonely sounding which is the point, I know, so yeah

Butchered Tongue - lyrics are amazing and so perfect, feels like old grief, like a really heavy grief that's more personal than foreigner's god, almost feels like an old folk song

Anything But - it really is a weird tone shift putting this between tongue and abstract, but it fits so well, since it's still such a hard feeling to such a Paul Simon-y song, has some Call Me Al vibes, those high notes fill me with so many emotions.

Abstract - for the cPTSD girlies. My lordy. Tied for my fav with son of nyx. Hurts like hell, it's tied with First Light for the one that hits me personally the hardest, SEE HOW IT SHINESSSS

Unknown - I've already talked about how this song hits me, a lot of complicated feelings for it, again a good stripped down song that's bigger than it sounds

First Light - the one I love with all of my heart, those backing vocals give me life after crying so hard at the whole thing, and the lyrics are so personal for me and my divorce, perfection

This album will always be one of my favorites now. It has stamped itself pretty deep into my brain, and I'll be listening to this with my grandkids one day. Thank you, Andrew 🩷

[ghostbird-7]

Dead reckoning pt 2-the fucking stressful bit

The moment between Ethan and Grace when he’s doing his Check In On The Teammate shtick and she’s so clearly not okay and he just gives her that look…Mr Cruise you have made me feel An Emotion and that was uncalled for. Just the paralyzing grief at another person being forced to do what he’s been doing for decades and just keep soldiering on through stupidly traumatic events like they’re jawbreakers and you’re me (someone who refuses not to chew things when in my mouth even when deeply inadvisable)

I know the plot reasons why he shouldn’t, but I still think Ethan should’ve been allowed to kill Gabriel as a treat.

The absolute fuckery of that entire train sequence had me locking every muscle in my body and I will sue. Particularly the kitchen fire car just felt like such a classic representation of everything in his life. I am on a plummeting train car. My person is dead and one of my new people is in grave danger. I am trying. I am trying. I am slipping because there is oil on the floor. I am now running because the oil has caught fire and the plummeting train car caused by a literal manifestation of past trauma and guilt is now aflame and it is a Wednesday and my socks are wet.

Ethan’s moment of looking Grave directly in the eye and saying don’t look down, this is what im doing, this is how I’m doing it, here’s what I need from you is so clearly a byproduct of working with Benji.

So he is clearly not well. He jumped off a cliff and was hanging by a low altitude parachute and then crashed into a train and then got in a knife fight and then had an adult woman free hanging off one of his arms. My man. We gotta get you an advil.

Ethan and Paris talking in French..truly indescribable feelings of deep sadness, not quite being able to justify two of the three women dying in this movie (probably not dead, seen in the set of MI8), and also prettyyyyyy.

Yet another parachute-Luther is once again The Guy.

I’m sorry the way he just Falls every time.. it’s so funny. He is Down.

Kittridge and Ethan’s whole thing in this is so deeply weird and complicated. I can’t unpack it right now but What is going on there.

Benji and Ethan together again! Do Not like the camera panning to Benji when talking about how hard it is for Ethan to keep his loved ones alive. Luckily he’s immortal. Good news folks. Absolutely no peril here.

Also Benji watching his boyfriend just sail by, beat to absolute shit, with that 10000 yard stare.. run him a bath. Get the epsom salts.

Well this is a banger of a movie, it’s deeply silly the way all movies should be. I’ll be waiting on bated breath for part 2, which is in fucking may of 2025 apparently. Fine. Take your time to do your artistry and make an actually very good movie. 🙄