#fuuuuuck im so tired of this
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i remember this one time when i was planning on going to my best friend's (we were 'dating' in that little kid way, where we didn't really understand that kind of thing) house
i couldn't have been older than 10 yet i dressed up the best i could, used the lipstick with the plumper in it, put on a little mascara. i knew what men liked, so surely it must be the same. this is what i am meant to do. this is the only reason people like me, right?
it was something aaron taught me
sometimes they're nicer to you if you're pretty
#not to mention that same friends father molested me. possibly several times. so </3#were also not friends anymore. it is what it is. i missed them for a really long time but they were not good to me either#theres a lot i didnt tell them. they dont know about their dad or damien or aaron or any of the men aaron had me 'entertain'#just. realizing that this is something thats been affecting me since i was very small fucked me up#probably why i prefer not to wear makeup/revealing clothes#(not that theres anything wrong w those things. theyre just not good for me bc of association)#sometimes i wonder if their dad did more than touch me but i cant be certain right now#he was such a creep. if he was willing to do that i do genuinely worry for my ex friend & their brother#AND the baby their dad just had with his new wife. i dont trust that man even a little bit#csa vent#trauma vent#actuallyabused#fuuuuuck im so tired of this#the more i remember the more horrified i am at what i lived thru and coped with all by myself. sometimes i dont even know how i survived#like how does a child live through that shit? i just. i have no idea. breaks my heart#i mustve been so scared when their dad did that to me. another man i thought i could trust. i was so little.
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i thionlk that william would be a skin picker and the only reason he would have kicked the habit would be because he got springlocked and if he picked at his "skin" (aka the suit) he would have just torn the shit ta shreds and suit cant grow back like skin so.
unfortunately hes a bunny here so that cant really happen. he picks at the area around his scars a lot i think
#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#springtrap#purple guy#springtrap fnaf#william afton#I WAS SUPPOSED 2 TAKE A NAP B4 WORK LOOK AT ME IM GONNA BE SO TIRED#FUUUUUCK#I GOT JJHYPERFIZEDATED#FUCK#anyways#spacie scribbles#have therse really really rushed doodles bye i love you#blood#blood tw
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I don't want them to leave me.. ( I've often lost my friends bc my annoying behavior.. sorry.. please forgive me..i didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.. (´∩`。) )
#kangel#needy girl overdose#ame chan#i hatemyself#please forgive me#i hate my friends#i love my pookie#im so tired#damn it#fuck fuck fuuuuuck
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i tried to go to bed but wasnt able to sleep. good meowning chat
#fuuuuuck man i may have something wrong with me#and im so tired#i have no idea what to even do rn#🧃.txt
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despite it all, i am more femme irl than i am not femme. and i'm grabbing everyone by the fucking shoulders. your gay ship doesn't need to have the pretty kind of twink that media spoonfeds you for rep. please, it really doesn't. please. PLEASE. PLEASEEEEE
#at the very LEAST make your twinks ratty horrible greasy freaks. PLEASE IM DYING OUT HERE IM REALLY DYING#Im so tired of americanised white beauty standards in my queer spaces please FUUUUUCK
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I think I need to start integrating an after work coffee into my lifestyle fr I slept for ten hours last night and I can barely keep my eyes open at 5 pm I thought naps were the solution but they do nothing
#im so fuuuuucked im tired of being sleepy!!!!! oh my goooddddd#the onyl reason i dont wanna drink two coffees everyday is bc coffee is expensive.....#otherwise an afternoon coffee is a good idea....
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head in hands someone teach me to diy my shit
#everything is so fucking expensive#like thrift stores are great but yk i wanna. i wanna make shit that Lasts and whatever#also . just shit that i actually like. bc i take whatever i find at thrift stores and got dam#mostly im just tired of paying for shit though. and then those things depleting in quality after a year. fuuuuuck you i need you to LAST#vex rambles
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sometimes i forget how distinctly american my mother is, and how we are generally a product of our surroundings
#personal#just found out she’s pro-military!!! and she was accusing me of being anti-military because of watching x files. like girl i am 10 episodes#into this show. i have had these views for a Long time (VERY specifically about the us military). and im just like. damn. like yeah of COURS#it’s not plastered everywhere. ‘give me some peer reviewed articles’ i would but i just cant bring myself to get the energy to get stuck in#this exhausting npd abuse loop again (sounds exaggerated but im basically falling for exacerbating the situation. which is why it’s always#hit me the hardest i guess. because she Will just straight up either not mention it ever again or just simply deny it. and i’m not exactly#educated enough on the subject to remember specific points. my memory has been destroyed BECAUSE of this kinda shit and i cant recall decent#argument points anymore. not that i even particularly want to!!! read up on all this shit!!!! oh and even realizing that she was Definitely#seeing me as an Extreme. like girl what. i forgot that npd does that#reminds me of how. she’s very liberal. she was the one who got me out of the closet in the first place (bc i wouldnt do so myself)#and yet the other day. i swear she said something that was almost terf rhetoric#FUCK i HATE that my memory has already scrambled it. fuuuuuck and here i thought my memory was coming back#but it was something along the lines of implying that men Would try to get into women’s shelters etc in a skirt or smth and i#i just stopped talking i was so shocked#god. sorry didnt mean to vent lmao but im. hhh im just Tired yknow?#mandont
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to have a butch rearrange my organs with a strap wouldn't solve all my problems but it sure would be nice
#actually it would probably solve all my problems too#fuck my stupid gay life#i'm so touch starved#fuuuuuck#lesbian#wuh luh wuh#wlw#im gay and tired
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i was standing still next to my desk, alone, and my shirt lifted off my back like someone lifted it up by the bottom hem and then tugged it back down 😵💫
#i have this happen in dreams and sleep paralyis#so for a moment i thought i was asleep#and then i was like fuck i do have very realistic dreams but this is beyond that so im definitely not asleep 😰#thats so much worse what the fuuuuuck#im very tired tho so it might be my mind playing tricks on me#but also i know what i felt... like the whole back of my shirt lifted off and then it was suddenly tugged down by a single point on the hem#ughhhhh 😫
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Decompress me daddy
#im so so so so tired#i was offered this morning to do this schedule for the rest of the week#i think the fuuuuuck nooooot#tales from diana#the kids are wild today or maybe im just too fragile to live#most likely both
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i’m so fucking tired i wanna fucking kill myself
#i didn’t know it was physically possible to be this tired and still like.#be alive#i’ve felt fine all day but once i try to sleep i suddenly feel so hungry that every part of my body aches and it hurts to breathe#literally all i can think about is self harming and i’d do it if i wasn’t too tired to leave bed#but fuuuuuck#im not coping well#delete later
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i am falling a s l e e p
#my posts#went to sleep at 2am n started work at 8#the past few weeks i was on the afternoon shift so i could sleep in#so after 3 days of having to wake up early i am so tired#and rn i can barely keep my eyes open#my lunch break is co#ing up#would it be worth trying to sleep for half an hour#just so i can get through the rest of the shift somehow#ideally id hold out somehow and then really go to sleep once im done working#but i should also go shopping#maybe cook or idk#but fuuuuuck i am /sleep/#you ever wish you could just spontaneously drop everything#and hibernate for a while#:(
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God, what a shit day. I'm still in oh so much pain from last night - I was really hoping it'd be gone by now - and I bet imma be taking pain pills like they're candy again. IM SO FUCKING TIRED.
#diary#personal#seriously im really tired im just so done. i get home and spend like 30 mins lying on my back bc of the pain#and that can only do so much fuuuuuck.#i usually dont feel like crying over crap like this but today feels especially bad#haha. talk to me when youve been in pain since like. 1:30am. couldnt sleep. and then wake up in pain hahahaha.
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feeling like maybe screaming as loud and long as I can and falling to the ground and hitting it until I start bleeding or I finally get some attention whichever happens first. who's in
tf is up with me and randomly bursting into tears on weekend afternoons
#been trying so so so hard to keep busy and not let everything get to me but unfortunately i have run out of steam so i will now lose it#this happens like once or twice a week its fine tomorrow morning ill have my facade back up and pretend its all fine again#at least its the evening so i can just cry for an hour and go straight to bed. i rule at this emotional regulation shit im winning#oh my god. face in my palms and muffled wailing. its not even that bad at all im generally doing well i have so much going for me#just feel so fucking lonely in my life. and im doing my best to combat it im going out to social shit and calling friends often#but so much of the time! it just makes me feel more alone! bc theres such a lack of closeness or connection its so surface level#dont get me wrong i love my friends but there are things i need. like emotional support. and closeness. and preferably some hugs in there#and i cant get it from them and thats fine i respect boundaries and i know its mostly my fault for feeling so alone bc i dont communicate#well enough and ive tried to get better at it but i cant do it in isolation it cant just come from my side i need someone to seek it out#hey man is it so much to want to feel seen and safe around other people. i mean i guess it is. can anyone fucking hear me#and im so sick of being disabled and how big a barrier it is and how its shaped all of my experiences im done with it!!!!!#but its forever!!!!!!!!!! jesus fuuuuucking christ.#its okay tho im doing what i can for now. and its late evening on a sunday and im on my period and ive had a long week#so its perfectly fucking respectable to feel like shit. and genuinely i will feel better tomorrow. ough.#and i know im not the only one having a bad time. i wish i could do more to help my friends that are but i dont know how. man#ahhhhhhhhhhh. okay. well at least i got pretty much everything done i wanted to today. and anything i missed isnt important#im gonna shower and read and cry a little and go to bed by 10 i think. and then climbing to look forward to after work#i feel bad for saying that now. i dont have superficial friends. just different needs. but i still get a lot out of being friends w them#and i do feel some closeness to some of them sometimes its not like i never have. my insecurity doesnt help i have no object permanence#and my perspective rn is warped bc im upset. but its okay. i know i dont always feel like this. just um. somewhat frequently#sigh. okay yeah showering#sorry 4 ventposting again....relapsing in a moment of weakness. im very tired. i hope that isnt a rat i can hear in the kitchen#.diaries#.vent
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i miss u :(
im rambling ( this might js be me being horny for ango )
this might turn into a req idk
i made a pinterest board dedicated to my babies (ango fyodor and kunikida)
there's like 27000 pins
im normal i promise
i fucking love ango bro
hes so like
babygirl
and like fuckable
im not okay omg
when you come back
if you come back
you should write ango for me
pure smut
and fluff
actually
no
CUDDLES WITH ANGO????????
he looks so cuddleable
if you have time ofc
i love ango bro
-🦅
I missed you too man...
Also BAHAHAHAHAHA that Pinterest board is relatable as fuuuuuck. (I might or might not have one for Tanizaki with 21568 pins)
And this one is also super super super suuuper short (just like the last one). But I hope you still like it.
Contents: HCs about cuddling with Ango
Warnings: Literally none for once. It's pure fluff y'all
I can imagine you cuddling Ango in bed after a long tiring day at his job.
You, wrapping your arms around him and letting him put his head on your chest, one arm thrown over your stomach. Pulling off his glasses and putting them on the nightstand so that he can rest his eyes.
You prepping kisses on Ango's face, your lips soft as they press against his forehead, cheeks, eyelids, lips, nose, everything, so much so that you manage to make him giggle through his fatigue
You talk him to sleep, telling him about your day, or maybe a story from years ago when you were younger. Maybe even about some peculiar ability-user that you came across during work. Ango likes hearing you talk; he finds a sense of security in it.
So you do it as often as possible, inviting him to bed with open arms and a blanket thrown over your legs, and he always accepts. Sliding in beneath the thick fabric beside you, Ango wraps his arms around you and presses his face into your skin. Or sometimes, he lies down with his head on your arm, back pressed against your chest.
He loves it, loves the feeling of your bigger body wrapping around his, almost effortlessly easing his mind and lulling him to sleep.
Ango sometimes initiates it, too, hugging you from behind as you finish brushing your teeth in the bathroom or reaching out to hold your hand as you get ready for bed.
"Wanna head to bed together?"
It's always that one line, and you always smile and nod, placing a kiss on Ango's face or neck before letting him lead you to bed.
#dom male reader#top male reader#dom reader#bungou stray dogs#sub bsd#sub bsd x you#bsd x you#sub bungou stray dog x you#sub bungou stray dogs#sub character#sub male character#sub character x you#sub ango x you#sub ango
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