#fursuits eating camera

[thefoolishone666]

Kickin Chicken once said

@hiwelcometothemonstersancturary gave me the go to do this, which is mistake one for them, so here is my go at giving them what they encouraged while I pray it works well. And if not...well I at least tried.

* (Refering to Bobby) She is called Captain Heartbeat cause she will squeeze love out of your heart...and blood, but mostly love.

* (After speaking pr-bt for a 2 minutes) You ever forget your first language?

* Mods, take their swimming privileges away and put them in the pool.

* I would go evil, but I am going to follow dad's steps of being good...plus I saw they went shoe shopping so...

* What do you mean I can't seduce myself!?

* (Loud thud off Camera) PERCEPÇÃO DE PROFUNDIDADE!

* Our ship has a pool, an omelet bar, tons of rooms for you to sleep in, one would say that is a cruise, to which I say, fair, but have you seen the plank, cause I am about to get you real familiar with it.

* I heard some demons were touched starved. I got more than enough buckshot to help with that.

* Bubba, reading chat: "Kickin isn't the sharpest knife in the group," Well that is rude...

Kickin: I did eat packing peanuts when I was younger to be fair.

Everyone in room:

Kickin:...Wait is this new information for you?

Everyone: YES!?

* Wonder how many people come on to see me stream thinking "Oh hey, the voice actor for Kickin does streaming," or "Hey is this the official channel for the Smiling Critters show?" And they just come in on me saying something like, "I HAVE BUILT A TO SCALE JOLLY ROGER WITH POPSICLE STICKS!"

* Hey Theo, it's you! (Gets empty bottle thrown at head) Ow.

* White is the color of evil, cause nothing exists in it! Delight taught me that!

* I would cry, but I am too dehydrated to do such a thing. (Goes to drink some water, pauses, puts water bottle back down)

* It is always funny to see people react to my complete indifference to horrible stuff.

* I needed to find a way to get a gambling addiction, so I thought space could have the answer.

* (Seeing Bubba being affected by the blue screen) Bubba, I know you always wanted to become the one thing I love, but this is ridiculous!

* I am just saying revenge is amazing, ok? Yeah, you gain a tremendous amount of regret sometimes, but it is amazing.

* Cool motive bro, still murder!

* (In response to Angel giving them food) It hasn't been that long since I started streaming, it has only been...5 hours...

* This is my favorite bird. (Holds up middle finger before pointing to self) It is the chicken.

* (Wearing VR) The future is today!...I might need it adjusted though.

* Does dying take away time away from my vacation days?

* IT IS ALL A CONSPIRACY TO END ME! IF NO ONE EVER HEARS FROM ME AGAIN, IT IS CAUSE THEY KILLED ME, CHOPPED ME UP, AND FED ME TO THE WOLVES DANG IT!

* Fursuits are getting so good you can now subject yourself to your own form of trauma to fuse into it. Brought to you by Playtime.

* I have seen the internet and honestly, have seen worse. Which is saying alot.

* (Looks at Candy Cat in his lap before looking at camera)...Help. me.

* Theo: You finally did it! Did it help when you imagined it was me you were fighting?

Kickin: Not at all...worked when it was Dogday though.

Dogday: WHAT DID I DO?

Kickin: Hell if I know. As long as it works though.

* (Playing I Expect You to Die, dies trying to do an action pose)...(Starts singing the James Bond theme notes)

* (Reacting to "Unnecessary Feelings") Bubba, I was promised a crime drama, not a reminder that no one in this house knows how to feeling well, including us!

* I would boop you, but I don't want a pirate hook this early in my character development.

* William then preceded to commit several hours of joy, on at least an entire classroom of kids to learn why death does.

* You can have one hit Hoppy...Ah não, ela tem uma cadeira!

* Don't worry, I won't hurt you, I am just going to turn into a nuke to fall on you.

* (Stares at camera while winding music box)

* Chica, you wouldn't hurt your brother, would you? Or would you want me to be you and Foxy's kid, whichever makes you more merciful on me.

* I am here to break the stereotype that parrots can only be pirates and no other reasons at all.

* (Refering to how much money he has in game) $60!? I can finally afford 1 AAA video game! (Pulls up Balan Wonderworld steam page) I am going to buy this one guys!

* Kickin, coming into Crafty's stream: You mind if I borrow a picture.

Crafty: Uh sure...Why?

Kickin, taking one of the monsters: A reminder.

Crafty: A reminder of what?

Kickin: Of who in this family is an actual threat. (Leaves without elaboration)

* Don't make fun of me, I will cry will I beat you up.

* We don't even own a game cube, I just want to find a copy of Skies of Arcadia to display.

* When you get into a certain mindset for so long, it is so jarring to have to go into a different line of think, like you just suddenly ask, "Wait I don't have to ration this sandwich for the entire year?"

* WHY DID I LET THEO TALK ME INTO PLAYING THIS!?

* I am still surprised I recovered so well from all of that.

* What would the others do without me? Minus not having a heart attack everyday.

* I SURVIVED THAT FACTORY FOR OVER 10 YEARS, I WILL NOT LET A SLIDING PUZZLE DEFEAT ME!

* Have good night everyone! I don't remember how I end these...I will make you walk the plank! No, that is not it...

[astrostrudels]

Hi here are my insane valorant headcanons (some nsfw, nothing too detailed)

• Pheonix is really good at fighting games like smash bros, and is only ever beaten by Astra who, despite never really playing them, is unbeatable.

• In that vein, Phoenix and Jett host game nights on Brim’s old Wii he still has for some reason.

• Cypher has cameras set up all over base, and sometimes him and Killjoy will watch the feed like a soap opera.

• Skye usually braids Breach’s hair so he can get that tight braid. Robot arms are cool and all, but not exactly delicate.

• Pheonix is banned from the kitchen. Not for burning shit, but for serving Jett beans on toast with unmelted shredded cheese.

• Killjoy has tried to get other agents into LoL, they all refused.

• Killjoy is also trans idc

• Chamber doesn’t actually know how to play chess. He’s only ever played by himself, and Cypher finds this out when he challenged him to a game when he first joined.

• Neon likes to draw and she’s not too bad.

• Yoru is bisexual but vehemently denies it, even while actively doing gay shit. He could be getting his back blown out and deny it’s anything but straight. That pride flag in his room? He just likes the colors, idiot.

• Chamber is violently lactose intolerant, but he denies it even tho everyone can hear him fighting for his life in the bathroom at 3 am because he wanted to eat some brie earlier.

• Chamber and his double have fucked. That’s it. You saw the fuck me eyes they were giving each other in the cinematic. Foul.

• Sova is not a natural blonde. Skye also helps him bleach and shave his hair.

• Phoenix can play the trumpet.

• Brimstone can’t really cook, but he is a master griller.

• Breach also likes to ride motorcycles. He tried to bond with Yoru over this when he first joined, but he annoyed him so nothing really came from that.

• Brimstone and Harbor do, however, bond over their shared motorcycle shenanigans.

• Minecraft is Sage’s guilty pleasure. She likes to pick flowers and build little cottages. She often plays with Killjoy and Omen, and they have a realm together.

- Killjoy is crazy at redstone. On some Docm77 shit.

- Omen likes to mine.

• They have communal showers. Do with that what you will.

• Yoru and Chamber had a one night stand. Yoru deeply regrets it, Chamber does not.

• As per my (somehow) brimstone approved comic, neons a furry. She doesn’t fursuit, she just likes drawing funny animal guys.

• Killjoy is an mlp fan.

• Back when morbius was a thing, yoru would watch the FUCK out of that movie in the valorant living room or whatver. He was eventually banned from the tv for like a month.

• Viper once hit Chamber in the nuts bc of his cringe ass advances on her. He considers it sex.

[its-stimsca]

Stimboard of the Life Series because Secret life!!!! Yippee!!!!!! Stimtober day 22 also :]

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

💛 🚦 💛

💚 💚 💚

ID below cut

[Image ID

Gif 1: A person wearing a set of fursuit paws putting their hands together separates them, showing off the paw pads. The main fur color is red, the claws are yellow, and the paw pads are green.

Gif 2: A pair of hands breaks a piece of clay filled with slime in half, pulling the two pieces apart to show off the slime. The clay is styled to look like a piece of chocolate. The clay is a light red, the slime being a brighter shade of red. There are two more squares of clay behind the first one, one being colored green, and one being colored yellow.

Gif 3: The candy Mike and Ike’s being poured into a glass bowl. The candies come in red, orange, yellow, and green, and are shaped like pills.

Gif 5: An apple being drawn onto a yellow notepad with a red spiral binding the pages together. It’s being drawn with a green crayon.

Gif 6: A hand showing off three pairs of earrings. They are circular and flat, each printed with the texture of knit fabric. The top pair is green, middle pair is yellow, and the bottom pair is red.

Gif 7: Green liquid is poured into a yellow drink. The drink has mint leaves and red berries already inside.

Gif 8: A holographic snake sticker being shown off to the camera. The snake is white with green spots, and is coiled up.

Gif 9: A green parrot eating a mango in the jungle. It has a red spot on its face, and blue on the edges of its wings.

End ID]

[johannepetereric]

Name: Kurosaki Kai

Age: Over 500 years old, but legally is in his late-30s.

Hair: Short, spiky, orange

Eyes: Narrow, orange-ish brown

Height: 6'2"

Skin Color: Tan

Race/Ethnicity: Japanese, nomadic passport

Registered Quirk: "Can Leap Tall Buildings In A Single Bound"

Secret Powers: Immmortality, Night Vision, improved healing ability, Insomnia, doesn't technically need to breathe or eat or drink anymore (even though the hunger pains, dry throat, and inability to talk fucking sucks, especially when you can’t be truly knocked out either)

Hero Name: Yoru-Shishi (cursed or blessed with insomnia)

Gender: Genderfluid, he/she/they

Will fight you for over humans rights.

Vegetarian, insect rescuer.

Current Education: UA Academy, Hero Course. Best Jeanist is his self-proclaimed Best Friend (Kai actually has many now), as they were in the class together and seated next to each other. The blond decided that Kai would look good in the lion aethetic, and so designed a lion-based outfit (no, not a fursuit). Kai wanted to protest, given that he hated being a lion plushie, but arguing with Hakamada was a lost cause. So Kai compromised with the name "Night Lion" (   ).

Since super-jumping is rather meh when compared to all the other Quirks in the world, he needs a team. Also to save him from literally drowning.

The Karakura Gang will have reincarnated to reassemble the five-man band (Tatsuki's gonna help her child bestie friend this time around! Even if she has to be a quirkless Support Hero this time around!), and Keigo and Mizuiro will probs be quirkless or something.

Just because I can, Tatsuhime's gonna happen this time around, Keigo stays with Mizuiro cuz he doesn't wanna be alone, and Chad will stick with Uryuu. Their powers might probs be reincarnated as Quirks, as well.

...And also, some Shinigami (probs from Squad 12) fucked around and found out, recreating the Mod Souls. So Ririn, Noba, and Kurodou are reborn, in a sense, with the same names and powers as before. Kai finds out about this, and finding out that said Shinigami's gonna use them for evil (or I can have them be the same organization, but a subdivision, that tortured and abused Eri, two birds with one stone), Kai and his team (and Best Jeanist, all hands on deck) convince the Mod Souls to help them kill their creator (may or may not take the recipe, if available).

Does Best Jeanist already live with someone? If not, he probs roped Kai into living with him as well. Do they have the money and space to take in three basically-kids like all four of them once were? The Shinigami probs put them in gigais or did a lil' Grave Robbing. 

Unknown to pretty much all the living, Kai still keeps in contact with SS and the soul cameras from the 686.5 one-shot through a combination of Urahara, Mayuri, and Ichi finagling/harassing them to let him have one, too. Ichigo was pretty much the only familiar face he's known in 200-or-so, so they or may not have been something more. After TYBW, He's been learning all sides of his powers since. Ichi decided to grow out his ass-long hair, and once he died, the Hollow side of him bled into his appearance like Artbook or 2nd Anni Ichi (but also with the two horns from when Shiro was kicking Ulqui's ass).

Kai is also in the fight against All for One. Asshole's been escaping them for almost since Quirks were first formed.

Over the years, the ability to see ghosts has developed to be a Quirk. Once they die, their epic powers are locked away for if or until they become Shinigami or Arrancar (like Starrk and Lilynette) and unlock their Zanpakuto. Both the Quirkless and the Quirk people have Equal Chance of having or not having spiritual pressure and unlocking epic powers, just like everyone else.

[kerothewolf]

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I used to work for the amazing place called Sheetz .And these are some of the weirdest foods I had to make while I worked there.

So check my new video to see :D

[vellichordragon]

I'll be at Anthrocon! Feel free to come over and say hi if you see me! I don't bite.

Riley, Vel, Vellichor / 28 / They/it/he Plural / Alterhuman / Fursuiter (Maker: Wolfskin Studios)

Do

Ask for hugs!

Ask for a quick selfie!

Ask me questions or just say hi!

If I'm fursuiting, tap my shoulder/call my name before coming up from behind me

Keep a reasonable distance - it's still COVID out! (I may not always have a mask on under my suit head depending on temperature, but I will ALWAYS be masked up out of suit.)

Don't

Touch me without consent

Touch my fursuit without consent (or with dirty/greasy/etc hands - white fur is a lot of work to clean!)

Photograph without permission (I am very camera shy and may be particular about photos)

Sneak up on me in any way (See above about tapping shoulder/calling name)

Be physically rough with me or my fursuit (this thing cost me more than our car did, please be gentle)

Other Things to Note

I'm not a girl - they, it, or he please!

I'm a big bitch. I am fat, aware I am fat, and I'm not going to magically get less fat during the course of the con. Don't make it weird, please.

I will be in a mask when out of suit, always, unless in a room or eating in a designated food area.

I will try to mask up even while in suit, for as long as I can. This means I will fatigue faster, so if I seem in a hurry to leave/end a conversation I am probably having trouble with breathing/heat and need to leave to a headless lounge. It's not personal!

[light-miracles]

If Appa dies before Aang, Aang grieves his death by dressing up in an Appa fursuit and roleplaying with Momo. Azula helps by dressing up in her purple platypus-bear with silver wings fursuit.

Come join Aang and Momo and Azula and Toph and Kuei in the fursuit assembly. Aang and Momo have Appa fursuits, Azula has her furry oc's (400 ft tall purple platypus-bear with pink horns and silver wings) fursuit, Toph cosplays a badgermole, and Kuei made a bear costume in his grief after Bosco passed on. You are welcome to join. Sokka may or may not join cosplaying in a Foo Foo Cuddly Poops fursuit.

Toph immortalized Appa's memory by making an epic statue of him and Aang and Momo in their fursuits all standing next to each other.

The Boulder made out with the Momo statue.

By some dark magic, Katara and Suki raised Appa from the depths of air bison-afterlife. Except instead of being the same age he was upon death, he is a baby at the beginning of his new life with all his old memories. After being moved by the bizarre and slightly traumatic furry assembly dedicated to him, he convinces Katara to make him a Momo costume. For the rest of their lives, he and Momo dress up as each other and make everyone go "awwwwww" every day. It is so wholesome that the mere sight of it erased Zuko's scars and brought back the entire Air Nomad civilization.

Inspired by the fursuit assembly, it is decided that there needs to be another punishment for war crimes and general dickishness. Ozai is paraded out in a humiliating suit of cheap, matted fur blended with cheap assorted sequins in the faint shape of a dragon as 'Shape of You' by Ed Sheeran accompanies him and he is shamed before the entire world. By the first two excruciating minutes of this torture, he wishes Aang or Iroh or Zuko or anyone really had just mercy killed him.

You know what all that sounds legit. Even the resurrection (if Katara does it because Katara can and will do anything). To resurrect Appa she doesn't only need teenagers in their fursonas, but old people in cosplays. She makes her grandpa Pakku dress as Toph since he's the only one thin enough to fit in her clothes. Even with a wig and all that.

Ozai's public shame is recorded by the very first video camera ever created, also by Katara and Toph (they have great ideas when they're high in cactus juice and in their furry suits). Azula has mercy of her dad and leakes Iroh's nudes as a payback. At least he won't be humiliated alone and it works, thanks Azula, as always you never let me down.

The newly resurrected airbenders wanna get revenge on scarless Zuko because of their, you know, fuckin murder. Aang is the surprised Pikachu meme and yells BUT WE'RE PACIFIST and newly resurrected Gyatso (now with hair) yells FUCK PACIFISM LONG LIVE REVENGE back and chases after Zuko. They're, naturally, portrayed as the new villians of the show, as anyone who has ever been slightly rude to Zuko. But before they can commit Anti Zuko hate crimes they meet Toph in a Badgermole suit. She wants to guide them in the ways of violence, sarcasm, and capitalism. So she takes them to Gaoling and they all eat Lao's secret stock of chocolate cookies.

Sokka and Suki get bored pretty fast after the furry fest is over and they decide that to keep the spark in their relationship they'll become terrorists. Why not conquering the world? If Ozai almost did it, it surely can't be too hard. Suki is excited about conquering the world and Sokka starts to call himself the Boomerang Lord. They first kill the Earth King because they never really liked the dude, and with Bosco gone why keeping him alive? Then they kill Bumi sending him a poisoned Lemon Pie. Chief Arnook is murdered by Suki's classes of Feminism. Zuko is still being chased by the Capitalist Evil Undead Air Nation so Sokka and Suki conquest the Fire Nation pretty quickly. No one oppose. Everyone welcome and love Sokka. The court loves Sokka. The Fire Sage love Sokka. The commoners love Sokka. Even imprisoned Ozai loves Sokka, wishes Zuko were gay so he could date Sokka.

Resurrected Appa and Aang are too busy singing karaoke to notice until Sokka and Suki are crowned Boomerang Lords and the undead capitalist Air Nation is seriously affecting Earth Kingdom's economy.

[bax16]

@crocketingsolly made me do this. I ain't sorry

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*camera pans to a newly opened restaurant. Inside is a false open kitchen concept where a team of fursuiters run around with oversized, colorful plastic kitchenware, cartoonishly miming cooking actions. Occasionally a pot catches on fire, and all the "cooks" promptly panic and run around squeakin at the top of their lungs. In the dinin area is a team of fursuited wait staff. One waiter in particular looks absolutely miserable, mumbling about "really needin this job"*

WewcOωOme to Diesel's Twuck Stop Cafe hOωO may i take u OωOdew

UωOuld u wike to see our menUωU? Hewe are some gwwwweat suggestions UωU:

Knotzawewwa sticks

Cweamy chicky alfwedo dip (teh sauce comes stwaight fwom alfwedo himsewf ;3 )

Spinach awtichOωOke-me-daddy dip

BUωU waffle fwies

Ow if u cannot make up u mind, why not twy ouw cawpet bunny sampwew pwattew :3

Fow dinnew, how about some

Oviposition omewet

Yiffawoni and cheese

Diesel denial dinnew (chicky fwy steak wif cweam gwavy. It sewved on a speciaw pwate wif Texas fuwwy fiesta's ban lettew to diesel raccoon so UωU can wead as u eat)

CawniVORE buwgew (it not vegetawian ;3 )

19 sauce cheese pizza

Ask about nuzzling ouw bulgy wulgy special (it vewy Spicy so be cawefuw Ωω̯Ω)

How about something to swawwow? ;3c

Bull bweastmiwkshake (we have vaniwwa, choccy, and stwawbebby bulls UωO)

BUωUbewwy nuzzlewita

And fow pwesident's day, twy ouw new help-me-mistew-obama-im-dwowning in adult sweet tea (you'll be so squishy by da time ur done)

And fow dessewt:

Goonbewwy cweam pie

"Sea salt" ice cweam ;3

Bwownie scat fudge sundae

Infwates-u-making-u-big-and-wound cweam puffs

Pony jaw cweme bUωUee (it comes wif a toy ^_^ )

And fow a wimited time, 10% off ur biww if u weaw ur fuwsuit (25% off and excwusive access to da pawty woom if u weaw u muwwsuit OωO)

And of cOωUse don't fowget to wet us know if it u biwfday so we can sing u a speciaw biwfday song UωO

[expired-monster-craft-smp]

Vibes Dream SMP members give off (in my opinion)

Dream

Barked at people in high school ironically but it became unironic real quick

Can’t cook very well but is good with a knife, especially at a fast pace

One of those kids who either purposely spells the first word wrong in a spelling bee to just be done with it right away or tries the hardest and manages to win (there is no inbetween for this heathen)

Bites ice cream with his teeth

Has snorted pixie stix far too many times and sneezed blue after each time

Eats bananas with the peels

Wears mismatched socks

Has taken a bite out of a pool noodle because he liked the texture and impulsively bit it (ADHD things✨😌)

Walks around looking extremely high but he’s just spacin out and stuck in his head

Dreams (lmao) in Minecraft and video games in general

Will flirt with anything that moves but has no idea how to respond to compliments

Makes fun of himself first before anyone else can

Has eaten an orange peel and it wasn’t that bad in his humble opinion

Wears khaki shorts

Eats the wax part of the baby bell cheese

Doesn’t actually know what genre his music taste is cause he vibes to everything

Georgenotfound

Picks at the skin on his lip when it’s dry so it bleeds and he tries not to give in by licking his lips often enough to the point where it became a habit

Wears velcro shoes because he doesn’t feel like tying them (he knows how, he just doesn’t wanna do it)

Eats peanut butter straight from the jar

Makes that disgusting “ants on a log” thing (celery stick filled with peanut butter topped with a row of raisins)

Can’t drink milk plain, it’s gotta have some sort of flavour

Can draw a perfect straight line but his circles look Terrible

Eats cheez-its like cereal without milk

Loves making little noises so much like he walks around his house doin chores and he’s just goin “memememenownownwnkwkshskshkshskhs”

Hates wearing socks

Coloured his tongue with highlighters because they’re non-toxic

Constantly tapping his feet and hands to a song/beat playing in his head

I can’t imagine this man using a bike of any sort, so Imma say he doesn’t know how

Can’t be licked by dogs because he’s used to being licked by his cat so it makes him uncomfortable

Can actually sing pretty well but gets real nervous in front of people so he fucks it up

Sapnap

No idea how to cook anything other than Mac and cheese please help this man

Meows at cats because he wants to confuse them and laughs Way too hard when he does (his laugh is like sunshine so I’ll allow it)

Would be fantastic at braiding hair Idk why

Gives the BEST fuckin hugs EVER

When singing, he makes noises for the instrumental parts too

Wanted to play the drums at one point

Really likes pit bulls but he’s more of a cat person so he loves them from afar

Only vaguely knows how to shave his face properly without hurting himself

Opportunities for him come up out of pure luck but mans is skilled for them so it works out well almost Always

Used to or currently has a skateboard and isn’t too bad

ALWAYS has bruises appearing everywhere for no reason, he doesn’t even know where 90% of them are from

Calls his friends twinks to jokingly bully them and gets away with it because he himself is not a twink

Gets sudden bursts of energy in the middle of the night and just shimmies around a bit to try and deal with it

Favours spearmint over peppermint

Arsonist

Banned from three (3) Dave & Busters in Texas

Badboyhalo

Washes his hands after doing literally anything

Likes the bird exhibits at the zoo (specifically the penguins)

Very good at cooking, best at soups and stews

If he painted his nails they would definitely be a baby blue

Overthinks very simple things and it makes him look less smart than he actually is

Drinks tap water

Probably prefers whiskey over beer

Knows how to tap dance a bit

Surprisingly good at taking and handling shots

Steady hands

Adds extra chocolate to hot chocolate

Plays sudoku and is really really good at it (only uses pen when he plays)

Everytime he sees a Himalayan salt lamp he NEEDS to lick it despite knowing it’s very salty and he’ll pull a face afterwards

Not great at Rock Paper Scissors

Wears sunglasses inside for no reason at all, he just,,,Does

Still has a stuffed animal from childhood perched on his bed

Probably tried his hand at archery

Tommyinnit

He has no idea how to use a baby voice on children or animals, so he just talks to them normally

Wears socks to bed

His fingers are double jointed

Always starts twitching if he stays still for too long because he’s gotta move around

His shoes and have different laces and it bothers everyone but himself

Doodles on himself in class when he’s bored or not paying attention

Has really good hearing, both with pitch and volume

Can’t eat tomato’s by themselves, it’s either gotta be in sauce form or with something else

FUCKING LOVES STRING CHEESE

Terrible handwriting

Favourite part of a slice of bread is the crust

Wants to paint his nails black to be cool and edgy but his hands are far from steady and he has no clue how to paint nails

Pretty affectionate with close friends (like Tubbo and Wilbur) off stream/camera

He likes pears for some reason

Wilbur Soot

Is constantly having to decide between leaving his hair as is or shaving all of it off

He also thinks about adding some colour but never actually does

Most tea is gross to him

Everytime he puts a breath mint thats circular in his mouth, he pretends it’s a pill and he’s taking drugs because he thinks that’s funny

He does that vacant state as a joke but that really what he looks like when he’s spacing out

Likes to aggressively flirt with his male friends but if his female friends flirt with him, he gets a bit flustered

Has probably accidentally swallowed a guitar pick

Once drank two entire jars of pickle juice

Bonks his head on anything and everything

He has broken a pair of glasses by walking face first into a pole outside

Thinks kinetic sand is fun

Has passionate arguments with others about trivial and random topics like chicken feet

Can open a beer bottle with his teeth

Would accidentally pop and swallow a bracket if he had braces

Tubbo

Hates sharp cheddar cheese

Everytime he learns a new word it’s in every sentence he says for the next week or so

Ate candle wax for a dare once

Doesn’t know how to tie a tie and will probably never learn

Wanted to do ballet at one point but decided not to

He has eaten multiple flowers for absolutely no reason other than wanting to know how they taste

Starts vibrating if he’s too excited

Used to bite his nails

ABSOLUTELY DESPISES MUSTARD

Has eaten paper and says it doesn’t taste that bad

Enjoys telling his friends how much they mean to him (this has resulted in Tommy and Wilbur crying on a few seperate occasions)

Spaces out a lot and doesn’t often pay attention to his surroundings

Gets lost inside of Best Buy’s

Likes s’mores but doesn’t properly understand how to make them

Technoblade

Learned to cook purely out of spite and found it’s actually pretty fun

Constantly getting smacked in the face by trees when walking outside

Really likes apple pie

Everytime he looks at potatoes he thinks of all the hours he spent trying to win the potato war

Starts things as a joke and gets too into it

Doesn’t like the taste of most energy drinks

Has rubbed salt and lemon juice into an open wound to just,,see how it felt (he did it once and Hated it but did it again because he forgot what it felt like)

Sometimes hates how quiet he is because everyone he knows is loud and talks over him

Despite how he is portrayed in the Dream SMP, he is extremely loyal to his friends and would kill for them

Over seasons his food because he can’t taste it otherwise

Really good balance

Doesn’t like to wear bright colours, but still enjoys wearing colours

Good at knitting

Quackity

Actually fairly quiet when off camera

Will accidentally use Spanish grammar while speaking English sometimes

Country music confuses him

Doesn’t really like kids but they really like him

Can’t dance

Hardest drugs he’s ever done is second hand smoke from a cigarette and children’s Tylenol

His favourite jolly ranchers are the red and blue ones

He uses lighters as fidget toys basically

Will have a breakdown, take a bubble bath, and call himself the self care king

Dehydrated

Wants a pet rat but he already has a cat and doesn’t wanna risk anything

Constantly questions why his main source of income is playing Minecraft with two 16 year olds

Karl Jacobs

Probably ate a spider once

Would wear those socks that are like gloves for you feet where it separates all the toes

Eats ravioli straight from the can, cold

Can answer an incredibly complex math equation fairly easily but will stumble over 12x11

Loves kids so much and speaks to them in a soft voice

Tried making ramen in a coffee pot and broke it

Drinks 2 monster energy drinks a day on average

Likes to open walnuts with his teeth but doesn’t actually eat them

The embodiment of that one John Maulany joke where he says you could spill soup in his lap and HE’D apologize to YOU

Loves physical affection so so much!!!!

If he moves his wrists in a certain way, they pop Really Loudly

Fantastic at making cookies

Fundy

Lowkey actually a furry but more on like, a cat boy level than fursuit level

Drives a Honda Civic

Likes ABBA

Adds parsley to almost anything he makes food-wise

Loves garlic bread so much, he’d commit a federal crime for it

Middle child vibes

Decent at skiing

Good at singing but isn’t terribly confident

Seems responsible at first glance but in reality he’s pretty chaotic and childish

Bad at spelling

Always cuts his nails way too short so they always feel weird/hurt

Likes bracelets and rings

Thinks pastel colours slap

JSchlatt

Despite the character he plays, he’s actually really sweet

He’s genuinely that cryptic off camera as he is on camera

Can cook but chooses not to most of the time

Would probably say “what pussy size you wear” to anyone who asks him to buy pads

Not actually as intimidating as he appears to be

Lowkey would fight a child

Shuts down when someone compliments him, often using aggression as a front because holy shit they just called him handsome and kind what the Fuck-

Jokingly says his license is suspended but in all actuality he never got his license in the first place

He has two (2) extra teeth but they don’t need to be removed so he kept them

Has a stick n poke of a stickman on his ankle he got in high school

Likes physics

This is already very long, and I still plan on adding more.

[jeontaeh]

TWENTY ONE²¹

✫  ✬  ✭  ✬  ✫

"Hey Jimin." Namjoon said, entering the dining room. "Guess what?"

"Ooh-" Jimin started, and then closed his eyes, deep in thought. "Umm... let's see... you-"

"No I'm not actually asking you to guess, Jimin." Namjoon snapped, and Jimin sighed to himself.

"Ugh, my mind... Intellectuals only." Jimin said, and Namjoon gave him a confused look.

"Where's everyone else? I wanna say something to everyone." Namjoon said, and then Jin walked into the room, along with Yoongi.

"All I'm saying is, if god didn't want us to eat meat, then why'd he make it taste so fucking good?"

"Jin that's the most controversial thing I've ever heard anyone say." Yoongi scoffed, and Jin rolled his eyes. "Stay hungry vegan bitch."

"I'm not even vegan!" Yoongi snapped, and then Hoseok walked into the room.

"Guys it smells like a hat in here."

"What the fuck does a hat smell like?"

"A hat."

"And that's why I think-" Jungkook started, walking into the dining room with Taehyung. "-that being a furry is not only sustainable for the environment but also the economy."

There was a silence, and Jungkook turned and looked at the others. "Oh hey guys what's up?"

Namjoon just shock his head. "I hate all of you."

"Wig." Jimin said, propping his feet onto the table in front of him.

"Jimin stop talking like that please."

"Sister snapped!"

"Jimin stop! You're being annoying."

"That's the tea sis!"

"Shut up!" Namjoon snapped, and then everyone looked at him. "There's something serious going on, I need all of you to use the 12 collective brain cells you all have and listen to me for once."

"That would mean all six of us have.." Jungkook started, and then looked away, mumbling something to himself, doing the math in his head- "2 brain cells."

"The intelligence jumped out." Jimin said, and Jungkook pouted. Taehyung sat down beside Jungkook and pinched his waist.

"What's wrong Joonie?" Jin asked, and Namjoon gulped. "Okay, you know the small black cameras all around the ship? Well the one in the engineering room fell out so I was looking into it because I was bored-"

"You were bored so you decided to look at machines? Fuckin' nerd."

"Shut up Yoongi at least he doesn't perform foreplay in his Hello Kitty fursuit in his free time." Jin snapped, and Yoongi scoffed in offense, Hoseok letting out a laugh.

"Anyways so I looked into it- and there was a chip in it. There's this machine in the engineering room I put the chip into, and it generated the code. If I'm not wrong.. the code had the first two numericals the same as the one in our planet. And I know every planet has different codes.. now these chips- they're like trackers. The cameras are connected to other devices in other plan-"

"Literally have no clue what you're talking about." Taehyung said, and Namjoon groaned.

"Someone's watching us!" Namjoon snapped, and everyone's eyes widened. "The people from our university, they can see us through the cameras."

"Wait a minute- so this whole time they could see us and know where we are- but never tried to contact us or help us??" Hoseok said, and Namjoon nodded.

"Yes. This literally proves my theory. They put us here on purpose and want us to die. How do we know if the map they gave us in the beginning was even correct?" Namjoon said, and Jimin bit his lip.

"Shit, Joon. Didn't you say we were running out of fuel too?" Jimin asked, and Namjoon nodded, looking down.

"What are we going to do? If we run out of fuel.. we'll get stranded on some planet in the middle of nowhere." Taehyung said, and Jungkook stood up, looking angrily at the camera on the wall.

"Help us you fucking assholes!" Jungkook snapped, and Taehyung instantly grabbed Jungkook and pulled him down.

"Kook, don't! They don't want us to become self aware! If we do, then they might do something. You don't know what they're capable of." Taehyung said, and Jungkook's eyes grew big in worry.

"Sorry." Jungkook said softly, and Namjoon put his hands up. "Don't worry too much, guys. I found something. There's this kind of liquidated metal in a planet closeby. That one's practically identical to the type of fuel this ship requires. We can use that! It doesn't last very long.. but it'll make do for a while."

"Namjoon you are so smart! We would literally die without you." Jin said, rushing forward and giving Namjoon a kiss on the cheek.

"Honestly, thouh." Yoongi said, seeing Namjoon blush. "We'd have to make Jimin the leader or some shit."

Jimin stuck his tongue out at Yoongi, and then Namjoon spoke up. "Jungkook, Taehyung, did you guys learn about Requiry Embezzling Missions?"

Jungkook nodded, and Taehyung scoffed. "Yes. We all know it's fancy for 'stealing something from another planet that doesn't belong to us'."

"Yeah, basically. You guys will have to steal this metal liquid. It's kind of important to the aliens there, so don't take too much of it." Namjoon said, and Jungkook and Taehyung nodded.

Everyone got up and walked out of the room, talking within themselves, and Jungkook looked at Taehyung, eyes shining.

"This is exciting." Jungkook said, and Taehyung smiled as well. "It is." Taehyung said, but then his smile faltered a bit.

"You.. should let me take the lead for this one. I've learned more about it." Taehyung said, and Jungkook nodded. "Okay."

"Let's get out of here." Taehyung said, and they both got up and walked out of the dining room.

✭

"Namjoon.." Taehyung said, seeing the older purple haired boy standing in the control room, looking outside.

"Hey Tae. What's up?" Namjoon said, giving him a warm smile, beckoning him to come stand with him.

Taehyung walked up to him, rubbing his hands together in a somewhat nervous and hesitant manner. "A-are you sure me and Jungkook should be doing this?"

"Do you mean the stealing thing? I know it's bad- but as far as I've checked, it seems as if they have loads and loads of it, so-"

"No no, not that." Taehyung said, and then looked at Namjoon wearily. "I mean.. the whole mission thing. You know about the whole stupid chocolate death thing." Taehyung said, and Namjoon frowned in realization. "I don't want to hurt him."

"I know you don't. I'm sure nothing will happen, Tae. I'm certain what you looked into was past history, possibly a myth conjured to fool hopeless people. It's been done in the past." Namjoon chuckled, and Taehyung sighed.

"I-I hope so." Taehyung mumbled, and Namjoon gave him a small smile.

"Tae!" Jungkook called, and Taehyung turned around and smiled a little. "I'm gonna go." Taehyung said, and Namjoon waved him off, and Taehyung walked out of the room.

Namjoon continued looking outside into space, and heard a voice. "You busy?"

Namjoon turned and saw Jin. "Ah, Jin! Come. I'm not busy." Namjoon said, and Jin walked up to him.

Jin looked at the miles and miles of the black void outside, twinkling stars and vibrant planets in the distance. "It's truly so beautiful. I could never get sick of it."

"Me too. Having been here so long, the fear of being in complete isolation is slowly wearing away." Namjoon said, and Jin looked at him.

"Do you think that's because you've been here so long, or because you have us with you?" Jin asked, and Namjoon smiled, looking at him.

"Both, I think." Namjoon said, and Jin walked behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist.

"You take up too much responsibility, Joon. You're the smartest here, but don't think you have to miraculously save all of us from this. It's a group effort, okay? You're not alone here." Jin said, and Namjoon sighed.

"I know. I tend to get a little overbearing on others and myself sometimes."

"I think you forget that you're also still a baby." Jin said, placing his chin on Namjoon's shoulder. Namjoon laughed.

"I'm only 2 years younger than you, Jin." Namjoon said, and Jin spun him around, looking at him closely.

"Still very young. I hope you're keeping your own wellbeing in consideration." Jin said softly, and Namjoon smiled.

"I am. Thank you." Namjoon said, and Jin hummed.

Jin leaned in a bit, and Namjoon did as well, and then they both heard a loud crash.

Both pulled away, and in worry, rushed out of the control room and saw Jungkook lying on the floor face first, groaning, while Jimin stood beside him, along with Taehyung.

"God, Jungkook- I told you you couldn't carry 5 chairs at once!" Jimin snapped, and Taehyung walked over to Jungkook and helped pick him up.

Jin burst out laughing and so did Namjoon, and they both walked up to Jimin and help him pick up five chairs.

Taehyung picked Jungkook up, and the boy groaned in pain, and Taehyung chuckled. "You're adorable."

"I'm not... I'm strong." Jungkook mumbled in a pout, and Taehyung looked at him with a smile.

"You are! You're strong and have many muscles, Cherry, but you're still adorable." Taehyung said, and Jungkook hit him on the chest.

Taehyung whacked him on the chest back, and Jungkook fell back, falling on the floor again, wincing. "Ow! W-why'd you hit me so hard?" Jungkook squeaked, and Taehyung's eyes widened.

"O-oh- shit- sorry Kook, I didn't mean to-" Taehyung said, and the other three boys, Jin Jimin Namjoon, turned and looked at them, looking worried.

Taehyung reached down and helped Jungkook to stand up again, and Jungkook rubbed at his chest where Taehyung hit him, and looked at Taehyung with angered eyes and a pout.

"Meanie." Jungkook said, and Taehyung sighed. "Sorry.. Jupiter males are just naturally stronger."

Jungkook nodded, and then leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Doesn't matter. I'm gonna go suit up." Jungkook said with a small smile, and then rushed off to his room.

"Is that true?" Jimin asked, and Taehyung turned around to look at them.

"No! We're not naturally stronger!" Taehyung said nervously, and then walked over to Jin and punched him.

"What the hell!" Jin snapped, and Taehyung looked at him. "Did that hurt badly?"

"Not really.." Jin said, and Taehyung sighed. "See! That's the amount of pressure I put on Jungkook, and he went flying back!" Taehyung said, and then looked at Namjoon.

"Joon, this can't be a coincidence. Why is it when I touch him with a little pressure he gets hurt?" Taehyung said weakly, and Namjoon gulped.

"Don't- don't worry, Tae! It'll be fine. I'm sure he's just weaker right now because of the whole medicine and brownie and ass fucking thing." Namjoon blabbered, and then Taehyung sighed to himself, rubbing his face.

"I hope so."

✭

Jungkook and Taehyung stood behind a large tree with red leaves, standing on black sand, big birds flying overhead. The sky was reddish, and they were in another planet. The planet with the metal liquid they needed. They were in a forest.

"Where is it located?" Jungkook asked, and Taehyung gestured ahead. "Where that alien guy is sitting. Behind him lies a stream of the metal liquid. We need to get enough of it in this barrel." Taehyung said, pointing to the barrel Jungkook was holding.

A little far away, past many trees, was a slap of cobblestone, where there was a man sitting in yellow clothes, sitting criss cross with his eyes closed.

"He's meditating, Tae." Jungkook said.

"He's died."

"Jimin shut up." Taehyung whisper-snapped, both boys touching their earpiece. Jimin was back on the ship, monitoring the two.

"Okay c'mon, we just need to go forward and get it while he can't hear us-" Jungkook started, and Taehyung gripped his arm.

"No, you stay here. I'll go get it." Taehyung said, and Jungkook frowned.

"What? No- Tae, c'mon. I'm going too." Jungkook said, and Taehyung looked at him.

"Kook, I want you to stay here and be on the lookout."

"Isn't that what I'm here for?" Jimin said in their earpieces, and Jungkook snickered. "Exactly. Stop worrying, Tae. Let's do this."

Taehyung sighed. "Fine, whatever. Let's see if anything wakes him up." Taehyung said, and then picked up a few stones in his hand. "Let's fling a couple of rocks at him-"

Jungkook picked up a boulder and threw it at the guy.

"Jungkook!" Taehyung snapped, and both saw the rock go past him, not hitting him, but not waking him either. "Not that big a rock, you dumbass!"

"Sorry." Jungkook giggled, and then grabbed pebbles. Taehyung and him began flicking them at the guy, and one of them went and landed on his bald head.

Both started giggling when he didn't wake up, and Jungkook threw another rock, and it landed perfectly on his head again. They started giggling again. Taehyung threw a rock far and it landed on his head again, and now they both started wheezing, having to cover their mouths because they couldn't be loud.

"J-Jimin you see this?"

"Y'all are on crack. Stop fucking around, c'mon. Get this done." Jimin snapped through the earpiece, and then Taehyung cleared his throat and stopped laughing.

"I think we can go." Taehyung said, and Jungkook nodded. They both ran forward, not making any sound, and then reached in front of the meditating guy.

He was sitting in criss cross position, his skin white like chalk. Jungkook and Taehyung tiptoed past him, and then saw the metal liquid stream, colored in blue.

"Quick!" Jungkook said in a hushed voice, and they both reached the barrel down into the stream and let the blue liquid fill up the empty barrel.

"This reminds me of my ass that day."

"Jesus fucking Christ Jungkook, I'm right here." Jimin snapped, and Jungkook started laughing, and Taehyung glared at him to shut up.

They waited until the big barrel overflowed with the liquid, and then Taehyung put the lid on it, and they both tit toed out.

Taehyung rushed onto the black sand, and Jungkook jumped down too, and Taehyung reached his hand out. "Let's go." Taehyung said, grabbing Jungkook's hand.

Taehyung squeezed his hand tightly, so Jungkook winced and let out a loud sound of pain, pulling his hand back. "Ow!" Jungkook cried, and then they both heard a rustle.

Both turned around, and saw the white man's eyes open, fully black eyes.

"Fuck." Both boys said.

The man looked enraged, and then banged his fist on the ground beside him, and started shouting in some language.

"Dammit- let's r-" Taehyung started, and then they heard the trees rustling, and a bunch of these aliens started jumping out from the trees, looking angered, all chanting foreign words.

"Fuck!" Jungkook yelled, and they both started running.

"You idiots! Get to the position beside the yellow tree so Hoseok can beam you up!" Jimin snapped, and both kept running really fast.

Taehyung turned and saw at least 20 of these aliens chasing them, and him and Jungkook started yelling in fear, and felt their feet going immensely fast on the black sand, crunching on red leaves and feeling the aliens reach closer.

"Fuck fuck fuck- run faster!" Jungkook shouted, and Taehyung groaned, holding the barrel.

"I'm trying!" Taehyung snapped back, and they started running faster past the trees and forest, hearing the footsteps trampling behind them.

They saw the yellow tree and reached it, but then groaned when they saw more aliens coming from the other side, charging at them while holding spears. Fuck.

"Fucking- fuck! Jimin, hurry up!" Taehyung snapped, and Jungkook looked at him wearily, both stopping, both parties of running aliens catching up.

"I'm trying! It's taking some time!"

"Use your super strength, Tae!" Jungkook said fearfully, and Taehyung looked at him nervously. "I-I can't!"

Jungkook frowned, and then they saw the running people getting closer and closer.

"Jimin!" Taehyung yelled, and both heard Jimin groan in their earpiece. "It's done just 10 seconds-"

The spears started getting thrown at them, and Jungkook and Taehyung started dodging them like crazy. "Faster!" Jungkook snapped, and they could hear the panic in Jimin's voice.

"5.. 4... 3... 2... 1-"

One of the aliens threw a spear right at Jungkook.

And then they got teleported onto the ship.

Both panted heavily, on their hands and knees on the floor of the control room. Taehyung was sweating like mad, and dropped the barrel on the side, wiping his forehead. He turned to the side, and heard a gasp.

Jungkook got a spear stabbed in him.

✫  ✬  ✭  ✬  ✫

https://jeontaeh.tumblr.com/post/647228447446466560/twenty-two%C2%B2%C2%B2

[toothyblowjob]

fuck it, cats recap

i saw cats with my boyfriend a few days ago. i wanted to make one of these after but thought i couldn't possibly add anything to the heaps of commentary already available on tumblr. unfortunately, cats has a certain staying power, and i think the only way to forget what i've seen is to write it down (aided by a list of songs to remind me which scenes came in which order). so here we go

the opening scene was such a bizarre combination of unsettling and kinda boring. there was so much unnecessary tension.

the set actually looked really pretty! shame about everything it had to witness.

almost all the words in the movie are unintelligible. it's probably for the best.

victoria, the audience surrogate cat, was initially in a big burlap sack which was thrown into an alley. the jellicle cats approach and dramatically paw at the sack. you can tell this was a bit of choreography meant for the stage and not a movie.

some of the cats crawl on their hands and knees, and it's just the most uncomfortable thing you can imagine.

when victoria actually emerges, all the cats hiss and disappear, then reappear to sing a song that mainly consists of asking victoria if she has certain "cat" traits like... being blind at birth???

"would you look at a king? would you sit on his throne?"

in the same song there's a sequence of cats just listing adjectives for themselves. i looked up the lyrics and apparently at one point they say "rabbinical cats." what the fuck is a rabbinical cat?

the big gray cat (afaict he isn't named in the film, but the credits list him as "munkustrap," which is one of the worst names for anything i've ever heard) asks victoria for her name, and is perplexed that it's something normal. look buddy, you don't get to name yourself munkustrap and then complain about anyone else's name.

apparently cats have three names: one that their family calls them, one super fucked up one that they decide themselves (like munkustrap), and a secret name they don't tell anyone else. the third name never becomes relevant, so i honestly don't see why they mentioned it.

if you ever see a cat in "profound meditation" they're just thinking about their name. aight.

sorry, good omens fandom, cats forever ruined the word "ineffable."

i think it's somewhere around here that macavity first appears??? i am ashamed to admit that for a brief moment he looked kind of attractive. it's idris elba, okay?

there's a song where they introduce the idea of the jellicle ball. it's really creepy, which is fitting, because apparently the jellicle ball is when their cat president decides who gets to die and go to "the heaviside layer." tbh if i were in this reality i would be begging for death too.

every moment where the cats are whisper-singing is deeply unpleasant. why.

apparently the cat president decides who deserves to die by having them each sing a song about their name. i'd previously heard the musical summarized as "cats introduce themselves one by one until one of them gets the right to die" and honestly that's pretty accurate.

munkustrap leads victoria to a human kitchen, where rebel wilson's character jennyanydots (really) is lounging around being generally useless. there is an extended shot of her scratching her crotch. i am so tired of rebel wilson playing funny fat characters.

i had already heard that jennyanydots unzipped her fursuit at some point during her song. i couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what the fuck people meant by that. what they meant is, jennyanydots unzips her fucking skin to reveal a sparkly costume AND ANOTHER LAYER OF SKIN underneath. is this part of the musical? please tell me.

i knew about the cockroach vore too, but that didn't make it any less upsetting. it happens twice. there are crunching noises.

the cockroaches are... they all have human faces. they look like aliens from a kid's movie made in 2005.

rum tum tugger's song is, i regret to inform you, a bop. i looked the song up afterwards, and the stage version is actually more upsetting. a lot of crotch action.

that being said, there is a horrifically sexual part during the movie version where cats are guzzling milk and it kinda looks like bukkake drawn by someone who had never seen cum before.

also the cgi for the milk was inexplicably bad. like, it looked like some shit out of a spy kids movie.

towards the end of the song, rum tum tugger pulls victoria's foot towards his mouth. i felt time slow, and i started muttering to myself "no no no no no." fortunately, he did not suck victoria's toes. i hate that i have to write that.

i believe it's at this point that macavity shows up and thanos-snaps jennyanydots. this is the first time magic is shown to exist, which made for a really surreal effect. i kinda thought i was having a stroke.

grizabella.....

grizabella is just furry fantine. she used to be a super glamorous cat, and now she's wearing garbage and singing about how sad she is. jennifer hudson really gave it her all though.

bustopher jones, who looks like he's just james corden's fursona, shows up and sings a song about how fat he is and how much he loves to eat. my fat ass was not amused. at the end of the song he too gets taken by macavity. i guess he has a thing for chubby cats.

mungojerrie and rumpleteazer are just awful names. i hate them so much. why would you name yourself mungojerrie.

they really seem like they're trying to convince victoria to have a threesome with them. at the end of the song she's laying in a bed between them. it's bad.

i am so grateful the dog that they run away from is never shown. i can't even imagine how awful that would be.

the past two mornings i've woken up with old deuteronomy's song stuck in my head. i don't know why. it's not that interesting.

the cats all flock to old deuteronomy and nuzzle her. it's awful.

judy dench and ian mckellan were taking this so fucking seriously. i had to see ian mckellan, without a trace of irony, saying "meow meow meow" and drinking milk out of a dish. it was one of the most upsetting moments for me.

"jellicle cats are black and white," according to a bunch of cats that are neither black nor white.

victoria needs a moment to go outside and chill during the jellicle ball. i can relate.

grizabella is there again, singing a weirdly beautiful song about when she was younger and happier. i decide jennifer hudson is this movie's saving grace.

victoria sings another weirdly beautiful song about how she was abandoned in an alley (which i guess is how she ended up among the jellicle cats).

"all that i wanted,,,, was to be wanted,,," heartbreaking. relatable. loved it.

ian mckellan, whose cat is apparently named gus (short for asparagus), sings a song about how he used to be a great... actor? magician? i wasn't really clear. ian mckellan continues to do his very best to make this weird senile cat seem real, and i fully expect him to drop dead of old age halfway through the song. alas, no cat can die unless old deuteronomy wills it. i thiiiink he got taken by macavity at the end?

it turns out jennyanydots and bustopher james (and gus, i guess) are NOT dead (sigh), but have been transported to a barge in the middle of the thames. honestly i think i just dissociated too hard to remember this scene very well.

another bop from skimbleshanks the railway cat. the slow motion tap dancing was a bit much, but the song at least was fun. at the end he gets disappeared by macavity, oops!

taylor swift's whole bit is... it's just hard to sit through. yknow how everyone made fun of that bit in "look what you made me do" where she went like, "sorry, the old taylor can't come to the phone right now. why? oh, cause she's dead!" her whole song had that energy. the fake english accent made me want to die.

she pours catnip on all the cats, which makes them moan and writhe a lot. i think this was supposed to be the orgy scene? i don't know.

macavity has "broken every human law," which i assume includes treason and gay sex. i really love the possibilities here.

actually yknow what just occurred to me? would macavity get in trouble for bestiality if he fucked a human? or would it have to be, like, a cockroach or something else that's "lower" than him?

macavity thanos snaps old deuteronomy because she refuses to let him die. everyone is super sad until victoria goes "oh hey, mr. mistoffelees can do magic! :D"

unfortunately, i really liked mr. mistoffelees' song. i've been singing it multiple times a day. his face may be upsetting but his overall vibe is kinda adorable.

mr. mistoffelees is named after the demon mephistopheles btw. i feel like that needs to be said.

old deuteronomy is returned to the jellicle ball, and victoria convinces grizabella to sing for everyone. the song, again, is beautiful and heart-wrenching. everyone loves it, and grizabella is chosen to die.

grizabella is put in a hot air balloon. i think the heaviside layer is fake, the jellicle cats are a death cult, and she's just going to suffocate to death. this is supported by the fact that the heaviside layer is a real name for a part of our atmosphere.

old deuteronomy ADDRESSES THE AUDIENCE DIRECTLY at the very end. i hate it.

she says triumphantly, "a cat is not a dog!" this is important enough that the entire cast repeats it. my boyfriend is more upset by this than i am.

there are some horny facial expressions, i think, and the camera pans back to the hot air balloon. the movie ends.

[creativestalkerrs]

a little romance (tom holland blurb)

Summary; you released a music video featuring actor tom holland. in that music video, you two get a little closer. so in an interview with tom, the interviewer asks what their relationship status is from the music video

Warning; light sexual themes

Word Count; 735

A/N; You guys are so sweet with the support on my last post on Sunflower University. The hype is real and I’ll post this week and or next week xx

~~

don’t fuck with me

i’m a goddamn freak

miss me till i leave

so, don’t fuck with me

Y/N wanted to go beyond with her music video for freak. She asked her close friend Tom Holland if he wanted to be apart of it and he agreed to do so. Tom loved Y/N’s work and loved her in general. Y/N and Tom were comfortable enough around each other for Y/N to ask Tom if she can be extremely close when shooting this music video. Something you wouldn’t see Tom doing, but something you’d expect from Y/N. The music video was spicy but had a message that Y/N wanted to get across.

When the two were asked to do an interview on Hot Ones, both of them agreed to eat some wings and to answer some questions. Y/N was okay with spice, but Tom could have died. Sean Evans asked both of questions about what it’s like to be friends with each other and what it’s like being Spider-Man.

“With the chemistry, you two have and getting extremely close with each other on the set of freaks, how do the theories on your relationship make you feel and are some of them close to being right?” Sean asked as Y/N focused on the question and not on the war zone that was happening in her mouth. She looked over to see Tom chugging some milk, making Y/N laugh.

“The theories are fun and I read some fanfiction about me and Tom. Holy shit I’m dying….” Y/N paused taking the milk from Tom and taking a drink. “But we’re just really close friends and I wouldn’t want to film basically porn with anyone else. We were on set and when I was on top of Tom basically eating his face and licking his neck, we took like 14 shots because we kept laughing. One-shot fucking what’s in the sauce shit,” Y/N was in pain and Tom kept laughing at her as he was basically over the pian of the spice. “One shot my tongue accidentally went inside his mouth and his reaction was gold,” Y/N finally let out.

“Her tongue tastes on garlic bread and red wine,” Tom laughed. “But I like theories, it’s fun. There is some romance between us, don’t get me wrong. I get the ships, Y/N is kind of my dream girl,” Tom winked.

Everyone laughed and Sean asked more questions. Then he pulled out the computer. He explained what it was and they had to explain some pictures on their Instagram. They started with Y/N’s. The picture was of Y/N in a fursuit in a ball pit with the Mille Bobby Brown and Sadie Sink from Stranger Things. “We were shooting the music video for birthday entertainment and I loved Stranger Things so much I asked Mille and Sadie if they wanted to be apart of the video and they were so down. Both of them are so great to work with,” Y/N explained.

“And for Tom,” Sean said pulling up a picture of Tom in a wedding dress and Y/N in a tux as his brother Harry was ‘marrying’ the two. 

“We went to Vegas for Y/N’s 21st birthday and we wanted to fool my parents that me and her got married. That’s my brother Harry marrying us. It’s not official or anything… yet,” Tom winked as Y/N rolled her eyes.

“We had a great time, we got a stripper for Tom. But what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Y/N laughed

Finally, the interview was coming to a close and Sean asked to plug anything the two have coming up “sorry I didn’t make it comes out July 28th,” Y/N smiled looking into the camera.

“Spider-Man Far From Home is out so stream that shit,” Tom laughed and the interview was finally finished. Leaving the interview you were unsure what your relationship with Tom was, maybe the theories were onto something, maybe you two should just hook up.

[reginaldqueribundus]

I’m still watching Cats (2019), dear god why

PREVIOUSLY ON SAM WATCHES CATS

this is kind of leftover from the previous post but poor Mister Mistoffelees! All these other cats are trying to bone Victoria or pour milk on her or hump her in a graveyard or show her their utter domination over the puny vermin, and he just wants to show her a neat card trick. My poor sweet pure boy.

who am I kidding, no one is pure in this film. Mr. Mistoffelees, your innocent soul is stained by association.

anyway, the new cat is Grizabella! And all the other cats hate her for some reason.

But she actually looks good. She’s the only character so far who doesn’t look like a Who Fucked Roger Rabbit half CGI, half live action, blurring-the-lines-between-them abomination, or act like a Looney Tunes character hopped up on molly at an orgy in Ancient Rome. Which is probably why the other cats hate her, come to think of it

all the cats are roasting her in song but apparently all she did wrong was bone Idris Elba? which like?? who wouldn’t???

ok Grizabella is gone now and some fat cat in a tophat is body shaming Victoria for not eating enough

He just patted her stomach but the bad camera angle makes it look like he slapped her in the tits

Jennyanydots just said “look what the cat dragged in” without a trace of irony. I am in hell.

IDRIS ELBA JUST TURNED HER INTO DUST LIKE THANOS.

There exists a power in this universe far older, and greater, than Jennyanydots. None of us are safe. We must simply shutter our windows, cover our lamps, and pray that Macavity does not notice us.

Bustopher is blissfully unaware. He’s busy singing and eating prawns out of the trash. He can’t hear us he’s got airpods in

He jumped into a dumpster and interrupted a threesome

Idris Elba just tricked Bustopher into killing himself and then disappeared. I have no idea what is happening.

I guess his plan is to get into cat heaven by murdering all the competition? But why would you want to get reincarnated when you have absolute godlike power already?

this film has far too many old gods masquerading as sentient fursuits

[more]

[wildenessat221b]

I went to see Cats. Here is my review.

Today, the 31st of December, my good friend @whiteroserebelsinscarves and I decided to say farewell to 2019 by seeing the “Cats” movie. We thought it’d be the perfect send-off; why not bid bon-voyage to this absurdist not-quite-sure-whether-to-laugh-or-cry decade by going to see a film that really captures that spirit. I’ll say it now – never before have I consumed media that so quickly activated my flight or fight response, nor any that sustained it for so long. Mid-way through, having run out of space on my hand and my ticket, I had to run downstairs and buy a cheap notebook from the lobby so as not to forget a single moment. And from that notebook, my review is born.

Firstly, a disclaimer: I went into this dry. I have never seen the Broadway show, nor did I know anything about the concept or plot, so it is possible that some of this review may be me just not getting the whole ‘thing’ of “Cats.” I have no doubt that the magic of theatre does the story far more justice than (it will become clear) I thought the film did.

For those of you as ignorant about the world of “Cats” as I was a few (innocent, innocent) hours ago, this is the plot: ‘jellicle’ cats gather once a year to sing a narcissistic song about themselves, and if they sing the best narcissistic song, they get granted the Life Of Their Dreams. That, I am afraid, is all I can tell you. I do not have an iota of an idea about anything else that happened. I can’t even tell you what a ‘jellicle’ is, despite the emotional climax of the film apparently being Francesca Hayward finding out that she is one and maybe or maybe not making out with Judi Dench. More on that later. Something deep in the recesses of my brain tells me that the first song of the film explained what a ‘jellicle’ cat is, but I was too distracted to listen to that song, by the fact that the physicality of the cats is indeed as horrifying (maybe even more horrifying than) the critics who I was SURE were exaggerating said it is.

I shall preface my comments on the physicality of the cats by saying what I felt the most horrifying part of the film was: it was - not for any positive reason - frighteningly immersive. So immersive in fact that my brain began to believe it was real. However, it did not begin to believe that CATS look like that, but that HUMANS look like that. It was probably something to do with the hotly discussed ‘cat boobs.’ (A debate surrounding which has rather separated the wheat from the chaff of our society – the cowards who say that it’s CGI so they could perfectly well have no boobs at all from the intellectuals who say that for anatomical correctness, they should in fact have SIX boobs.) There was great inconsistency in size – cats who took up entire armchairs were, when the moment demanded, able to tightrope-walk along a railway track. Equally, the film appears to pick and choose when gravity is an issue and when it is not – in the opening number, a cat appears to begin to fall during a leap from crate to crate, then inexplicably begin to fly, yet a joke at James Cordon’s expense featuring the side-splitting line, “You know I’m sensitive about my weight” requires that gravity be upheld. The editing of human faces onto cat heads wasn’t always sound, the boundaries sometimes shaking and the faces distorting in a fashion that makes me inclined to google the definition of a horror movie just to prove my point. And the tails. Oh good God, the tails. The horror of the tails needs to be experienced by one’s own eyes (or indeed, doesn’t) but to briefly explain: there is a sequence about two thirds of the way through where a good thirty-five cats experience what I can only describe as tail erections, followed by a pied-piper-esque musically accompanied sequence of tail orgasms.

This brings me on to my next point – the somehow both uncomfortably ambiguous and jarringly overt sexuality. Throughout, there is implied sexual tension between Francesca Hayward and Laurie Davidson, which culminates in them nuzzling deeply into each other. Their long, sustained eye contact and previous sexual tension strongly implies that this is how cats make out. However, in the next half hour, Judi Dench proceeds to “make out” with both Jennifer Hudson and Francesca Hayward. Maybe cats aren’t all for monogamy.

Perhaps I should have expected this depravity, what with Rebel Wilson’s early performance, which begins with her unashamedly thrusting enthusiastically towards the camera. The following musical number neatly condenses all the stylistic horror of the next hour and a half into a few minutes – notably non-cat animals with humans faces (Rebel Wilson paws a live cockroach off the underside of the table and eats it and there are captive slave-mice in a cupboard) and the strange, strange business of cats wearing fur coats (or full on fursuits in Rebel Wilson’s case, reassuring at least in the fact that she was covered up when thrusting, not thrusting a cat vagina towards the fourth wall.) Yes, the cats wear fur coats. Especially concerning when Ray Winstone (whose character name I cannot remember for the life of me, despite the fact that his whole song and an unfunny quickfire joke sequence with James Cordon were about his name) towards the conclusion licks his lips in a predatory fashion. What can that POSSIBLY imply but cannibalism?

Upsettingly, there were some excellent performances. Ian McKellan was his usual, distinguished self. And poor, poor Robert Fairchild. He took it so hauntingly seriously. His face was a technicolour of emotions, his delivery about as straight as it comes. The voracity with which he clung to Judi Dench as she made her entrance, desperate for a great of the acting world to cast some light over the whole affair. A tear was nearly brought to my eye. And that’s not even to mention Jason Derulo’s impassioned screaming of the word “MIIIIIIILK.”

To conclude, “Cats” is a psychological adventure, that I feel should be required viewing for all intending to join the CIA. When it is out on DVD, I shall play it backwards to see if, as I suspect, it is actually Ian McKellan and Judi Dench’s hostage tape.  Oh, and the delinquent criminal cats should have been played by Noel Fielding and Russell Brand.

[sikereviewdotcom]

wilfred (2011) - season 1 ep1 “happiness” review

ok so today were reviewing fucking "wilfred" basically its a story about a depressed guy who tried to kill himself but he failed because hes a pushover in life and even suicide is mocking him yea jk actually his sis prescribed him placebo so the meds he used in his suicide attempt were useless yada yada

then he sees his neighbours (on who he tots have the hots for) dog as a man and hes like lol wtf why is there a furry standing in my yard? im not into dogplay dudette, please dont do this to me ah-

unfortunately for him the chick, on the next day asks to take care of her dog meanwhile because idk shit happens in her house? and she has to work? yea something like that so anyway he accepts because hes into her and out of it aswell more out of it than anything tho

our man, ryan is pretty disturbed but it happens anyway he has NO control over his life so why would he have control on  a dog fursuit wearing 40 yo man? yea exactly wouldnt make sense

wilfred enters his house and smoke a damn bong thats right, a very efficient way to introduce what kind of character were up against see, jason gann has the perfect face for such character looking all dirty in that suit with a big ass black painted dog nose you gotta think "that dawgs up to no good" and youd be damn right keep reading to discover why so basically nm happens in this episode if it isnt the setting of all the shit because well ryan has a lot of issues and its gonna get worse you cant believe this dog is gonna make things better for ryan not really hes just scamming the loser with cheap tricks and drugs

btw after (trying) to vape or w/e with wilfred, the man falls asleep, wakes up because his sis whos a bitch, remember her

its important to spot whos a bitch in each show ill be reviewing its pretty easy to balance whos the antagonist and who isnt although it often is much more complexe than that which is why im here making it all very easy and very interesting, aside from lost cases like the magic school bus i cant make that shit any worse nor TOO better like i have limited power my reviews are sike but some shows are just nah back to our whipped cream: ryans depression: he is jobless ok? so his sis is mad that he doesnt make the effort to come work and do what he has to also he used to be a lawyer btw because his father wanted him to be and then his father died and he lost his job and he hated being a lawyer so w/e but he also seemingly lost all reasons to live and redacted more than one suicide letter so im not sure what to think about it he was really eager to die yknow his sis couldnt care less tho its like "yo stop ruining my image im trynna get you a job in my hospital fuckface" yea see that why shes an inconsiderate bitch

so instead of going to work because of wilfred, ryan takes him for a while btw that vermin also tries to get elijah (the actor playing ryan is elijah wood obvs btw so this series already gets 5 points to begin with i dont make the rules) to throw a tennis ball and dont forget this ball ok? its gonna come back and start a whole drama its the beginning of our adventure a ball

next theyre in a restauration thing eating chips and drinking a beer together dog and his friend then the waitress comes and

happens the tiddies eating, it almost one fucking minute im sure we could all feel the embarassement of having your animal rubbing its balls and penis against your friend whos over for the nights leg in the middle of spring and youre just trying to get it back but wow the hormones are hitting it hard its like a cleaning robot vibrating on a grandma whos cardiacs chest and you trynna take that little asshole away but for some reason its rubbed in olive oil so not only does it reeks of olive, its also slippery as heck and you can see your grandma spasmming on her soon-to-be deathbed, she has spasms for god sake no the robot no someone stop it from stimulating the old ladys torso ah shit marguerite died after drowning in her drooling 

not even died of an heart attack nah, it was such a messy death she suffered so much no one could do anything its like the robot was sentient yknow and well same goes for wilfred hes making it on purpose but uses the excuse : he likes the boobs it nothing personal, ryan

w/e they leave after paying (not for the side tits tho, it was a freebie for dogs) after that shit happens (i wont spoil you EVERYTHING, im just painting a pic here ok?) at this point you could wonder "is wilfred being a dick on purpose or its just about said instincts? how much percentage of his behavior is actually dog and how much is ryans mind (the guy is deranged  there is no denying that but how much? )) whats sure is that his owner likes her dog vm and hes maining that chick

good for him? but it also happens that before that, elijah just threw the ball above the gate and into his much less friendly neighbour because he was sick of the dog asking to throw it and so yea, there is a tension between ryan and wilfred not any kind of tension, exactly the kind of elija x reader fanfic i wanted to read except pov: im a canine furry and i smoke weed on a daily basis and im a jackass

theyre almost breaking up someone does something about it i was seriously getting into it wow oh no fuck look at me tearing one or two here

rip their new born bromance? or... is it all there is to it? well see no obviously its the problem we were waiting for because when our fella enters back home and idk whatever else happens its night and his sister comes home and she goes all "lol actually i gave you placebo itd be dangerous otherwise you numbfuck" but shes quickly muted once our man notices his dog friend in his yard... its time for a reunion a heart to heart conversation to proceed so he has to ditch his sis which he casually does bros before hoes

its again about the ball which HE WILL go and fetch by passing over the fence to get in neighbours yard but damn it cant be just that? wouldnt it make a lame crappy story? we need some actions, we got the tits, the beer, no job, delinquency has no limit so fuck it says the dog as he smashes the window and enters the bikers house because he SMELLS (like he smells the shit streaks you have on your pants) the weed, ryan is like "no fuck bro no shit fuck ah-" then sees the damn weed which they steal ok? hes really a pushover he has not got the right idea of stopping being one because thats what his new friends supposed to be here for yknow trynna get his loser into a winner, that lil camper gotta level up his game, go get into the business of life barging in kicking the door to enter, no shame nor hesitation were trying to make him STEP UP for HIMSELF but guess what? ill tell you later or itd be a spoil in a spoil surely a bad paradoxal medium w/e business going on blablabla theyre up to no good thats for sure as sure as how much ryans actually enjoy this the mans into this pee slash poop affair:

spoiler alert: he does it and

im just quoting him here : he never felt more alive nor glad to be so i guess thats whats life about shitting in peoples affair, stealing weed plants and quitting your job on your first day (you havent showed up tho so w/e you never really worked in that place no one knows you its all good you can get back in that place looking innocent and smiling with your broken ribs "yea nah i never had a job here and ditched yall huh" thats foxy of him kinda but not really since he had no intention back then to do anything for himself it was all strings pulled by a fucking dog hilarious really im having a kick haha no

so what next? theyre best friends? man and dog, a wonderful friendship happens he has no more family to support him but HE HAS A DOG guys he was so into it im feeling sorry for this hobot-to-be schizophrenic man

i wont spoil you but trust me when i say not to trust a furry who eats tits on your first date

in conclusion: it was a pretty decent first episode ill update my final thoughts on the first season once im done watching it but so far its recommandable the camera work is pretty cool like its not just thoughtless filming we actually have a nice feel to it, the setting of the series is esthetically pleasing you get nice colors and it aint boring, its not like a FRIENDS episode yknow? dawg i dislike how boring it looks filming wise for start but damn i aint reviewing FRIENDS rn so next, the comedy? after all its a comedy genre series not a drama, idk if id review an actual depressive show on here thatd bum the vibe out ok? i know im making all my revs awesome w/e it is that i choose to rate and comment but still im serving you a plate of my finest sheez not any fizzle in the mizzle ok?

anyway yea the humor aint bad, i havent laughed my ass of but i did find it amusing to watch the jokes may actually kick in in the second episode ill have to update this rev alright? just hang on to your balls peeps this fam will serve in due time

rating: 7,5/10 scenery/camera work 7/10 comedy 8/10 interest/entertaining points total: 7,5/10 for a first episode is fine enough to be recommanded, like a "give it a chance" sorta case yknow isnt the most hilarious show youll watch but its fine especially if youre into homoromantic tension between a furry and elijah wood 

jk 

tg, out

[virtual-crisis]

⭐Alpha Centauri⭐, Part Twelve

What better way to kick off Raccoon Appreciation Day than coming out with fursuits?

...That came out wrong.

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A few months passed. I had another class to completely dissociate in and somehow still succeed at, a rare mortal I could discuss very not-human things with, and the looming dread of the day Lucifer would pluck me out of human society like Mister Miyagi snatching a fly. Slowly getting closer, day by day.

...Yes, my mind was still drifting to weeb shit now and then.

Mom made some off-handed remark about Scape sounding familiar to her, and to stay cautious about the yokai duo. Nebb and Polly were business as usual, with Polly seeing Scape as a delight of a demon and both skeptically warning me to not randomly summon fellow demons. Scape agreed on their notions, and apparently knew about Monty from the start—in fact, Monty was in Careme’s class, just a different period than me. Chialer, meanwhile, was tenser by the day.

As this last thought registered to me, we were heading out of the boys’ locker room to cheer practice. The school board demanded anyone with Chialer’s ‘trouser contents’ stay in the lane they started in as far as bathrooms went, though I was riding the median on that road.

Since the coach and squad already knew this [go Team Progressive flow, eh], I decided to embarrass Ty in a different way as we stepped onto the astroturf. “Hey how come you’ve been so pissy lately, Ty?”

The other girls cut their gossiping short. One of the few guys spat his sports drink.

“Shiiiit, her own roomie.”

Chai groaned in frustration, walking forward after having stopped for a moment. “I’m not ‘pissy’, I’m anxious. We’re running against the mitts next week.”

“Wait, really?” “You hadn’t heard?” “I thought that wasn’t until next quarter.”

I started to jog back to Chai until the coach sounded feedback on his megaphone. “Great timing to bring that up, actually, the Terriers are going up against the M.I.T. Dragons next week. And better yet? They’re competing for a place at SB fifty-one.”

Super Bowl LI? Okay, sure. M.I.T.? Makes sense. But, uh…

“I thought it was the Beavers?”

I sidled up to Ty, leaning our arms together and tugging her around to face the coach with me as he nodded. “Yeah, was. Some rich frat boy on their football team yanked some strings and got it changed.”

I yelped as Chialer gripped the back of my hand tightly with hers, digging her nails in.

“Hell, they’ve already got a suit for that mascot. My wife’s one of their department chairs, so she’d sent me pictures.”

My knees buckled together as Chai crumpled my fingers over eachother, probably clenching the other hand tightly as a fist. “Yeah, so what if they put together a stupid fursuit? We’ll just kick their asses and show them it was a waste of money!” she spat. I was stamping my heel on the field, wheezing from her vice grip.

The coach clapped, grinning. “That’s the spirit! Let’s practice our routines and lead the team to victory!”

Almost everyone shouted agreement as the coach pumped a fist in the air—but I was a little preoccupied, Chialer wasn’t in the mood, and one of the other girls…

“Oh my God, Ally, how is your blood black?!”

Chai and I both seized up. Chai’s grip loosened reflexively, and I quickly covered my right hand with the left.

“B-b-b-bad tattoo....” I sputtered out, briefly glancing down at the damage. Damn Chai cut her nails into sharp tips… Again.

The coach put a hand to his face, shaking his head. “Goddamnit…” both of us winced in pain. The power of Christ does, in fact, compel us. “Tyler, what’ve I said about cutting your nails like that?! You’re NOT getting me sued by scratching people with those on the field again.”

Ty coughed. “...I scheduled to trim them down this week.”

Coach just sighed as the other guys started whispering to eachother. “Ugh… Tyler, you go do that, I’ll be writing you up later. Alyssa, go get bandaged up, you know your parts in the routine.”

I nodded shakily, grabbing Chai by the elbow as I turned to run back to the main campus.

“Ow…” I whined after slowing to walk normally in the halls.

Chai gripped a hand on her upper arm, rolling her eyes. “...Puncture wound or wordplay?”

I glared at her, rubbing my head for a moment. “Which one do you think, asshole?”

She sighed in frustration. “Yeah, sorry. He just pisses me the home off.”

“Who, Coach Dickinson?”

“My brother. He’s the one the coach mentioned!” she spat.

“You… Have a brother…”

“That I never mentioned, yeah whatever, it’s because I fuckin’ hate him. I have a lot of siblings, but he’s the only one in my generation, ‘cause he’s my twin.”

“Oh, so he’s a pride demon,” I remarked, lowering my voice.

“You mean a smug cockhead? Because he’s a smug cockhead.”

The temptation to confront Chai with how rich that was coming from her was unbearable.

“Sooooooo, you guys are twins, pride and envy… Dunno why I never suspected that.”

“Only time E’n’P aren’t born in pairs like that is when they’re straight spawned out of the ether,” Chialer said, glancing over her shoulder. Nobody in the hall but us. “...Why are we going through the offices?”

I stopped at a door, putting up a finger after letting go of her, and knocking six times on the wood. “Goat dad’s. Nebb gave me directions.”

Chai nodded as we stood there for an awkward minute. There was eventually a deep, muffled yawn, before the door opened, with the culinary professor rubbing one of his eyes. “Alyssa…? Tyler? Not the best timing, I had locked up to take a nap…”

I put up my right hand. “She cut me with her nails.”

Scape perked up, and quickly ushered us in. “Come in then, I’ll get you some bandages…”

Chai started biting her nails down flat as I took the liberty of settling into his cushy office chair. The office’s lights and camera had been tampered with, leaving it dim and unmonitored for Scape to set up a couple soft LED candelabras. The walls looked smooth as carved stone, so black they seemed to drain any excess light. It was very comfy, and definitely very against regulations.

Scape grunted, loosening his belt as his body morphed into its more caprine form, reddish-brown fur showing around and through his clothes, and horns curling around the back then sides of his head to widely straddle his chin.

“...Just like in that dream.” I muttered to myself as he opened and rifled through a first-aid kit. He chortled heartily, smiling when he brought a roll of gauze and a scrap of some sort of dark fabric over.

“I get that a lot from your type. Very in tune with subconsciousness,” he remarked, wrapping the fabric in two layers around my hand, then binding it with the gauze like sports tape. “Now keep that on like a cast. Ichor doesn’t belong in the sewage system, trust me.”

I nodded affirmatively, but Chai raised her brows in amusement. “So you’re gonna eat it later?” she quipped.

“Best way to dispose of it,” Scape replied, seemingly oblivious to Chai’s teasing of him.

I glanced at the door. “Sooooo, Chai got mad because we’re gonna be running across her twin at a football game next week.”

“That so? She’s never mentioned her,” Scape mused, looking to her.

“...Him,” Chai corrected. “I’m… Y’know.”

Scape blinked, then shrugged and nodded. “Right, him then. I suppose it’d befit a pride demon—entering a ‘fancier’ establishment than their envy counterpart to incite jealousy…”

“Yeah, and it fuckin’ works. Bastard accomplished my goal with the sports mascots before I even started on it.”

I jumped at the opportunity to lean against Scape. “She means getting the mascot changed to her likeness, which I’m gonna do here.”

“Your mom said it’d be a competition!” Chai spat.

Scape chuckled, stepping away from me to lounge on a couch that definitely wouldn’t have fit through the door by normal means. “Well either way, that’s going to engorge his ego and power, so watch out,” he quipped.

“What?” I took on a look of confusion, now leaning awkwardly over the side of the chair. Chai smacked her fists against her thighs, breathing out harshly as her outfit shifted into her hazmat suit (she’d finished with her human form’s nails by now).

Scape gestured a hand in the air. “Pride demons live for idolatry. Even something like football mascots can greatly empower them. After all, football is adored nationwide, and ‘rugby’ across many parts of the planet.”

Chai crossed her arms as she went to sit on an open part of the couch. “So we definitely need to take him down a peg. If his team wins the superbowl, the whole world’s fucked.”

“Is that a problem?” Scape quipped.

“Ooh yeah, she can’t have someone outdo her!” I teased. Chai gave me a foul look, but Scape just laughed.

“Sure, we’re here to spread chaos, but I don’t want HIM doing that in MY home.”

“You could always work together.”

“Hell to the no!? I dunno what you’ve seen in your time, but envy and pride are like—”

“A very fragile A and B point bridged by a need for superiority?” Scape said, patting Chai on the back coyly. “There’re two kinds of twins, kiddo: those who hate eachother, and those who value one another’s strengths and help eachother’s weaknesses.”

I giggled, while the lenses of Chai’s mask glowed a bright green.

“Yikes, mind the Geiger counter,” I joked.