#funny religious

[wolfythewitch]

i have so much rage in me one day i think i will explode. i dont think i know how to forgive as much as i know how to forget

[hereticallyeverafter]

Kathryn Ramseur Glick, "Holy Cows", 1995

[bebx]

Behold!! Moo Deng, the famous baby pygmy hippo from Khao Kheow zoo in Thailand

Sources: thecinesthetic & shirtsthtgohard on X/Twitter

[slack-wise]

Priests and monks blessing server rooms and sprinkling holy water on computer systems as a way to prevent them from ever shutting down

More at source

[starscream-is-my-wife]

Sometimes a day makes you want a Starscream to bite and squeeze

[ao3-crack]

(x)

[solargeist]

grian and his watcher studies

[shima-draws]

Just got back from seeing Sonic 3 and HOOOOOOLY SHIT y’all. Oh my fucking god. OH my god. Ohhhh my g o d

[anoant]

God of Time

[mightymorphinnegro]

A so-called 'saint' who inflicted pain on the terminally ill, forcing them to endure unimaginable suffering as her twisted offering to God.

Mother Teresa wasn’t saving lives—she was glorifying agony, stripping dignity from the dying, all in the name of some divine plan.

Just another zealot in history masking cruelty as holy purpose, proving yet again that devotion can be as dark as any sin.

[vivenecii]

"Did you, uh... ever meet him?"

"Yes. Seemed a very bright young man. I showed him all the kingdoms of the world."

"Why?"

"He's a carpenter from Galilee. His travel opportunities are limited. [...] That's got to hurt. What was it he said that got everyone so upset?"

"'Be kind to each other.'"

"Oh, yeah. That'll do it."

[wolfythewitch]

I forget where I found this m

I remember 😭 someone quote retweeted my drawing of Jesus getting crucified with this photo

[foldingfittedsheets]

One of my earlier jobs in life was at a little pizza place. I worked there when it was first starting up. It’s the only job I’ve ever been fired from.

Anyway! For this story to make sense I’ve first got to set the stage. This pizza place started out as the Wild West of management but one of the original investors was super committed to work programs through the prison. We hired a ton of ex convicts and they were all, to a one, super hyped on Christianity. Like born again for the sole purpose of lauding Christ with their every breath.

I was raised without any religion which I liked very well. Throughout my life people have tried to inform me about their religion and I end up deeply resenting it. I’m good. I’m vibing. I’m staying in my lane. I’ve also had more than enough microaggressions for being queer that I get skittish around people who are especially devout.

I hadn’t been working there long but I’d definitely noticed the Jesus bug had gone around, I tried to steer clear of the topic for my own safety as much as possible.

The day our story takes place, I was folding boxes. Anyone whose ever worked pizza can attest, there’s so much box folding. It’s something that happens at every lull, the pizza machine demands box folding on a grand and epic scale.

On my right folding his stack of boxes was a guy wider than he was tall, made of pure muscle, Corey. He was newer on staff, and due to a stutter he didn’t talk much. All I knew about him was that he got hired through the rehabilitation program and had done time.

On my left folding was a tall middle-aged woman who loved to yell at me, Cindy. She and I rubbed each other the wrong way and had nothing in common, leading to a tense working relationship.

We folded boxes in silence. This was really my best case scenario as a quiet Cindy was a Cindy not riding my ass, and Corey intimidated me.

But the weight of the silence grew too much for Cindy, who finally said, “I really want to go to bible school.”

I folded a box. I had less than no idea what bible school even was and I didn’t want to get sucked into a religious topic.

On my right Corey said, “W-why, Cindy?”

“Well, cause I believe what’s in the Bible, but I just don’t know it all.”

He nodded sagely to this.

Cindy continued, “And every time I sit down to read the Bible I get real sleepy. And I know it’s the devil.”

It’s so hard to convey her tone in written format. It was delivered with the emphasis and exasperation of an inevitable inconvenience. Like, I just know it’s the squirrels eating the bird seed.

I froze in place at this pronouncement. My only exposure to Lucifer was Neil Gaiman’s Sandman comics and I was trying to mentally twist into a frame of mind where The Morningstar cared enough about this one middle aged lady expanding her knowledge of the Bible that he followed her around cursing her with sleepiness when she picked it up.

I think I expected Corey to say, “Well that’s silly,” or something to acknowledge what a bizarre thing Cindy had just said.

Instead he said, “Yeah!” In a tone of complete agreement.

I didn’t look up. I tried to keep my face neutral at this development.

But something must have shown. Corey said, “You don’t believe in God?”

I shrugged casually and said, “If I did I wouldn’t talk about it at work.”

“C-cause it’s t-true. If y-you t-ry to r-read the B-bible on unsanctif-fied gr-round the d-devil m-makes you s-sleepy!”

I made a noncommittal sound and fled into the back room.

Over the next week it drove me crazy though. The logic of it wouldn’t leave me alone so finally one day when it was just Corey and I in front, and the restaurant was empty, I said, “Hey man, I have a question.”

He shrugged and listened.

“I really don’t mean this with any disrespect, I just genuinely want to know about the logistics-“

“J-ust ask.”

“Okay, so if Cindy gets tired when she reads any book, is it only the devil making her tired when it’s the Bible?”

His face went purple with fury and he yelled, “F-fuck you!” at my retreating back as I fled once more into the back room.

It will forever remain a mystery.

[certifiedstrawberryblonde]

Guess who is obsessed with moral orel that’s right it’s literally me. Who else’s would it be ho.

[tyxaar]

Idea for all you pagans and witches out there: If you get Jehovah’s Witnesses or Mormons or those sorts knocking at your door, instead of politely turning them away, don on your most witchy, out-there, non-christian-friendly accessories and attire and open the door.

Be cheerful and welcoming! Say you’re more then open to chat about spirituality, take their pamphlets, try to show them any books of your own you have, hell, even invite them inside for a cup of tea by your altar to Odin.

I don’t know how it’ll go down, but I’m almost certain the interaction will be funny af.

[canisalbus]

one of the delightful things about following you besides your awesome art and characters is the amount of ads I see on your profile for cute dog toys and doggie outfits and if I need to see ads then this is the ideal way

Dog toy ads, you say? I got one with a monstrance earlier today.