#funniest bitch in the ward

[theklaapologist]

Virus and Trip

[lostreverb]

DAD!RALPH BOHNER HEADCANONS

a/n: if we're gonna call him a dilf might as well write about it! also he gives girl dad vibes so we're going with that! AND SORRY ABOUT THE ANGST I'M LIKE ADDICTED TO WRITING IT

warning: mentions of PTSD, swearing

--

• you and your four year old daughter were coincidentally on a trip to visit family when the hex happened, your husband ralph couldn't get out of work but insisted you go without him

• after everything, ralph's mental state was so poor he had to quit his job, so instead of having a nanny, ralph becomes a stay at home dad while you work

• you were reasonably uncertain if ralph was mentally stable enough to take care of a child as well as himself but he insisted he's capable

• loves you and his daughter more than anything in the world

• calls her "bub, hon, sweetpea, babygirl, little gremlin, kiddo"

• is very protective of his family (especially after the hex)

• he buys everyone evil eye necklaces and makes you wear them to keep you safe

• doesn't sleep much anymore unless he's napping with his daughter

• it's quite literally the only time he gets any kind of peaceful sleep

• you had definitely spent an entire year trying to get her sleep on her own but that's out the window now and she'll only sleep in your bed

• on the occasions he does try to get a full night's rest, ralph still gets nightmares. but when he wakes up in a sweat, seeing "his girls" cuddled up with him calms him down, sometimes enough to where he can go back to sleep

• your daughter adores her dad's grown out curls, and often raves about how they look just like hers (compared to the cropped hair he had before) and mindlessly plays with his beard when they're sat on the couch watching TV

• does funny voices when he reads stories to her

• lives for hearing + making her laugh with corny jokes (btw she thinks he's the funniest person in the world)

• practices his one man show for her and the reason you know is because she'll try and recite certain plot points to you as if that's something that happened to her

• ralph forgets to eat but when he does, it's often just whatever your daughter doesn't finish of her food or he raids the fridge at 3 am

• generally his diet consists of celsius and half eaten dino nuggets

• sends her to preschool with totems he makes for show n' tell

• you got a call at work once because she did the black magic warding chants ralph taught her with an animal skull totem and it scared some kids and made them cry

• according to your daughter it was only "like 2 people" who cried and assured you that everything was fine b/c the rest of the class thought she was "the awesomest"

• you have to tell her to stop going around telling people her dad is an expert in "getting rid of witches" b/c they think she means "bitches"

• whenever you come home to seeing your daughter sat in ralph's lap at his computer, he tells you he's just working on his one man show but he's really on reddit and other forums teaching her how to protect herself from witches

• has learned well how to dress his daughter but b/c of his sketchy appearance sometimes ppl think she's been kidnapped, especially if she starts to throw a tantrum in public and you're not around

• cared very much for billy and tommy b/c they reminded him of his daughter

• there's been times where he's particularly struggling with his PTSD and accidentally scares her and it breaks his heart

• despite this, she'll come over and try to cheer him up with one of her stuffed animals and hug him or do one of the chants he taught her because that's what her idea of protection and safety is

-----------

ANGST DRABBLE

ralph sits with his head in his hands, distraught. he had another episode, this time in front of his young daughter. seeing the look of shock and fear on her face broke his heart.

those damn witches had hell to pay for what they've done.

"daddy?" he hears a small voice say. ralph's head shoots up. his daughter, holding her favorite teddy bear (which she renamed "papa bear" after noticing how closely his new look resembles the stuffed animal) walked up to him. her eyes are still a bit glossy, but she's smiling regardless.

"hey hon..." ralph speaks softly, reaching out to stroke her hair. "what have you got there?"

she puts the teddy into his arms, searching his face for a reaction.

"is.. this for me?"

she nods and ralph gasps holding it tight.

"oh wow, thank you babygirl- c'mere-"

he pulls her in for a deep embrace, kissing her head and whispering that he's sorry and that he loves her so much. a tear falls down his cheek as he holds her small body against his, hearing her say "i love you more, daddy!" in that sweet tone of hers.

it takes everything in his power not to completely break down.

------------

FLUFF DRABBLE

after finishing dinner, you walk up the stairs, hearing the sound of chanting coming from the bedroom.

"close! remember kiddo you've got to do it twice for it to really work so let's go again- OUMMMM-"

"mommy!" at the sight of you, your daughter jumps off ralph's lap and throws her little arms around your legs.

"hi!" you respond enthusiastically, hugging her back. "just wanted to let you both know dinner was ready. what are you guys... up to?"

ralph avoids your eyes by pretending to look around the room. your daughter smiles up at you, bursting with excitement.

"daddy was teaching me-"

ralph interrupts. "dinner's ready? oh, you have perfect timing babe we're starving- uh kiddo? why don't you go wash your hands?"

"ooookayyyy!!" your daughter skips out of the room, curly ponytail swinging back and forth in time with her steps.

"again? ralph we talked about this-"

"i know, sorry..." he sighs. you notice his eyes linger on your chest.

"like what you see?" you tease, wiggling your eyebrows.

"no-! i mean- yes, of course but- you're not wearing the necklace..." he pouts.

you roll your eyes and reach into your shirt to pull the chain out.

"oh- my bad"

"yeah- now mr. bohnerrific69, could you please tell my husband that dinner's ready and he needs to actually eat tonight? because a whole pack of oreo's is not a sufficient meal."

"who told you i-?!"

ralph's gaze moves to your daughter, who's peeking past the door frame giggling.

"snitch!" ralph gasps dramatically and stands up from his desk, starting to playfully chase her down the hall. "thought you could rat me out huh? we had a deal!"

--

tags (ask to be added or removed anytime!): @fear-is-truth @juliamaximoff @jazz-berry @violetsghosts @quickreider @tiffysdeath @honeymoon8 @wcnderlnds @lacucarachapisser @xrag-dollx

[carefulfears]

Top 5 Skinner is annoyed with Mulder and Scully moments

okay this isn't really like him chewing them out but my top 5 "walter skinner doesn't need this" moments that make me giggle

1/ when mulder crashed the car and went missing in iwtb and skinner had to go pick scully up and he kept trying to calm her down and tell her to breathe and that mulder is fine

and he said "he wouldn't do anything crazy" and scully fully STOPPED to turn over and give him a LOOK

like this

it's lowkey my favorite moment in the movie because you can tell that scully is trying so hard to keep it together and her lip keeps quivering that whole scene until he says that line and she's just like???? i'm trying not to start screaming and your words of wisdom are "mulder wouldn't do anything crazy?????"

he's like girl i'm trying!!!! bless his heart

2/ when he asks mulder who the father of scully's baby is and mulder's just like "lol i dunno ask her" ...HE SUFFERS SO MUCH!!!

skinner was the first person to know about scully's pregnancy and the only person who was there for her for most of it and helping her, and he had made comments about mulder being the father before, so his ass knew. he's just like...so are y'all ready to be serious people or...?

mind you, at this point, skinner was the one who DUG MULDER'S COFFIN OUT OF THE GROUND!!!!!!!! just for him to behave like a deadbeat.

3/ when mulder was in the psych ward (the second time) and skinner was trying to help him and mulder just full-on physically attacked him to pass him a note written in BLOOD...girl WHAT?????

related: a couple years earlier when mulder was in the psych ward the first time for trying to shoot a man in skinner's office in front of him

4/ when mulder was on trial for murder and scully and skinner were like "we're gonna get you the best lawyer" and mulder's suicidal ass was like "lol no i don't want a lawyer skinman can defend me"

he suffers. so. much.

and then he DOES!!! he puts so much time and effort into trying to give mulder a good defense and mulder blocks like half their witnesses and is like i hope they DO give me death row, bitch!

once again can i remind you that skinner has already buried him

(also, that it was around this time that skinner had to tell him about william breaks my heart. but that's another conversation.)

5/ literally the entire episode of zero sum. skinner sold his soul to the devil to not only save scully, but to protect mulder too, and the whole time mulder is just cluelessly following behind like "almost figured out who sold their soul to the devil, boss!"

god it's literally so fucking funny like one of the funniest episodes of the show to me because it's like everyone forgets how good at his job mulder is until it's used against them

a few runner-ups but we could all go for ages:

all of the times that not only mulder and scully, but also clones of samantha, held him at gunpoint when he was just trying to help

the time mulder caught a sewer monster and skinner had to call the DA and ask how to prosecute it

this is an obvious one but the time mulder punched him because he’d been dosed with LSD

the line, "i helped A.D. skinner with his migraines. which he claims are due to you." that one of the baby agents says to mulder in s10

another favorite revival moment of mine is in this when mulder and scully are attacked and can't go home so skinner has to drive out to the woods and give them money

i don't even want to mention the time that mulder accidentally let a serial killer loose and then told skinner it was because of a dream

the reports that he has to read...the reports that he has to read....the reports that he has to read........

lol i just remembered when skinner brought krycek into mulder's office and mulder just SHOT up like a dog and tried to beat the shit out of him WORDLESSLY.

we love you so much skinman!

[milf--adjacent]

It's really funny watching these self-proclaimed free-thinking, reasonable, informed people dog pile me for calling someone who was needlessly rude to me a bitch with the same force people did when ratliker got found out for race posing (among other things) without even looking at the context. Dogpile and racist/transphobe-jacket a trans woman over an argument that literally wasn't even an argument! That's how we end transmisogyny!

"I'm a Marxist!" is probably the funniest thing they keep repeating, as if it is a ward against evil, a reason for behaving like junior high bullies.

[bananathebookworm]

TLOVM Season 2 Eps 4-6 Ramblings

EP. 4

- More baby twins. I love getting to see these flashbacks of things that were only briefly mentioned during the campaign.

- Trinket origin story! Baby trinket is so adorable.

- Ugh... and right back into this absolutely brutal moment. The first of several moments that are going to be absolutely gut wrenching to see animated.

- Trinket defending his mama. 

- “Take me instead you Raven bitch.” Love that they keep these iconic lines from the campaign.

- “Holy shit, I’m amazing.” Humble as ever Kash.

- Love Vex laughing in response to them telling her she died. Because sometimes it’s the only way to process things.

- Vax getting Death Walker’s Ward. And thus the decision that seals Vax’s fate in the end.

- Zahra is so cool. I love her.

- Vax’s flashbacks to the Calamity... I really hope we get a Calamity film at some point.

- And a passing of the torch from Purvan to Vax. Going from Vax getting the shit beat out of him, to him then accepting his fate and coming back and saving everyone. I love it so much.

- The tensions between Percy and Vax beginning... 

- The necklace for Trinket!

- Was not expecting that little jumpscare at all... though I really like them adding these Calamity flashbacks as part of becoming the new Champion of the Matron of Ravens.

- Westruun in flames...

EP. 5

- BABY KEYLETH! 

- “Pass through fire” reference. I’m a little sad that the context has changed so much, but I appreciate that the sentiment still exists in this world. I guess this also means we won’t be seeing Kerrek at all. (Which makes sense given Lyra and Thorbir were also cut.)

- Grog and Kraven Edge. Simultaneously the funniest and most terrifying relationship in the show. Also love that they included the Grog and Scanlan convo.

- Pike and Grog singing together! I love it.

- And the secrets of the broom unlocked!

- Was Vax this much of an asshole during this part of the campaign? I don’t remember him being this much of a dick towards Keyleth...

- KIMA AND ALLURA! HELL YES!

- “You know what you fight fire with?” “Fire?” “Me.” Never change Grog.

- “We can certainly try.” Fucking incredible. I love it so much.

- I love any time Percy loses his cool. 

- ALLURA. FUCKING. VYSOREN.

- I have very little recollection of Keyleth and her dad together in campaign, so I love getting to see them together here.

- I wonder if between the Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein series we’ll get to see Keyleth and her mother reunite.

- Keyleth is the best member of the team. I will not be taking any questions or criticisms.

- Seeing Keyleth’s new look, my brain immediately goes to getting the red tunic to resist fire in Ocarina of Time...

- Plane shifting beginnings.

EP. 6

- And now getting into Grog’s backstory a little more. I love that season one was them solidifying them as a team, and now season two is letting us see more into their individual backstories.

- Oh Percy...

- My recollection is that Scanlan never let anyone manhandle him in the campaign. He always insisted that everyone else heal themselves first and refused to be picked up most of the time. (With the occasional exception during battle like the fast-ball special.)

- Kraven Edge is terrifying

- Sphinxes are so cool

- Arcane Piano. This is ridiculous and amazing all at once.

- During the campaign I never stopped to consider what it actually looks like when Scanlan stop to sing in the middle of battle.

- Scanlan bonding with the Sphinx was not what I expected from this trial. But I love it.

- MYTHCARVER! Time to slay a Pit Fiend.

- Not as brutal as ending on Liam/Vax’s sobs last week, but that was still awful. 

- I'm interested to see where this goes because so far Pike is their only healer, unlike the campaign where Vex, Scanlan, and Keyleth were also able to heal when needed.

[toadstool32]

its the sextuplets birthday! in celebration im ranking them based on personal preference <3

karamatsu < i like him

osomatsu < i like shitty older brothers when theyre not my own

jyuushimatsu < i dont even think he knows how baseball works

todomatsu < hes such a bitch i love him

ichimatsu < cat

choromatsu < at his best when insane

the nature making numbered list make it so that they all have a rank but if anything it would be like > 1 karamatsu >2 osomatsu / jyuushimatsu >4 todomatsu / ichimatsu > 6 choromatsu

now im gonna proceed to rank them as combinations <- insane behavior

i got the names from this list!

im mostly ranking them by how funny they are but comedy is subjective feel free to send me anon hate ovr this i dont care

doing this in a five star format! ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

choukeimatsu: starting out strong! i love shitty older brothers! they suck <3 five stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

sokudomatsu: its ok, i like they more when they act out as other characters than themselves, they either do a funny skit or their manzai act, this one is a toss up for me! ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖➖

parkamatsu: their shittyness and cuteness level gets balanced so evenly... its precious to see truly..... however!!! its cute to see oso treat ichi like a cat / a future ward of the state but alas its not tickling my funny bone as much ⭐ ⭐ ➖➖➖

bakamatsu: i like stupid idiots, i want more of them ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

benimatsu: oso n todo are such shitheads fr, they enable eachother to be the worst version of themselves, which is both cute AND fun ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

suirikumatsu: i read this one comic where they both get bullied by everyone else and then get revenge at the beach, (ill find and reblog later) other than that i dont think they really have that many skits together? booo. its rough out there ➖➖➖➖➖

iromatsu: its mid, it makes me cringe more than laugh, well, thats a lie sometimes i do laugh, its a toss up really, (i do like the bazooka scene tho) ⭐⭐⭐➖ I

musclematsu: while iromatsu its ichi using kara as a chew toy karamatsu is like, a chew toy with spikes, and fire and hurtful things, so ichimatsu receives psychic damage by that. Yeah that does not happen with jyuushimatsu this is like a uno reverse, these two are made or way harder stuff, and way dumber too, five stars ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

woodmatsu: theyre sweet :3 its a good balance between karamatsu being a chewtoy and todomatsu being the tsukkomi fishing with love letters and falling in love with the same cashier? pretty solid gags ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

middlematsu: funniest gag they ever did was the fact that they never talk to eachother, nobody has a good time here, four stars only bc its a rare one ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

wakabamatsu: are u fucking kidding me ok this one is interesting bc when jyuushi is the boke i feel like the skits run way to long, i still laugh but whatever not the point. but when they make jyushimatsu choros tsukkomi??? insane behavior honestly. ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖ ➖

cybermatsu: funniest shit ever, choromatsu shines with todomatsu as his pair truly, funniest shit ive ever seen ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

numbermatsu: top tier! what do i ever have to say here they just work ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

110matsu: catty bitches, ichimatsu gets to be weird in new ways here such is the curse of being a good straight man! hang in there todomatsu!! ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ➖

youngestmatsu: they r so fucking cute, cant remeber any skits with them tho, oh well ⭐ ⭐ ➖➖

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

ok now im gonna do groups!! but not really just the ones i care about, fuck the list im doing numbers now:

125- i like idiots, i want more of them, jyuushimatsus fun day with his big brothers (goes wrong) <3

456- shitty little brothers represent! u cant be mad at them theyre just little guys and its their birthday :3

346- catty bitches but more toxic, this one rulez, the self awareness has left the room

146- i think theyre neat

126- this is just my dream blunt rotation lets move on

246- i thought abt girlymatsu for a bit and passed out for a sec imagine this with me

thats all!!! get out of my post!!!

[gastlives]

HELP

wow cool to know ure one of the peoples who Watched that happen

it needs to be done...

thatd be.. Something

a PREDATOR>… also girl bye

bitch go away

Thats the funniest way to put ppl u hate also its good that u dont care abt her anymore… SHES the one obsessed w U

hold on was the red haired kid clockblocker… thatd be funny

wooow

thatd be really awesome if there werent ppl around

yea ure just being annoying now when a lot of ppl jjust went thru shit as well

its sooo funny when ure a Villain and the Random Bully at school thinks shes higher than u in terms of worthiness

this is great

ha

oh man and sophia was a whole another shit, at least emma wasnt a ward

still crazy taht shes telling her like hey MAYBE if u werent a VICTIM u couldve been my FRIEND Still

oh shes going OOOFF

?

oh cmon ive SEEN how her dad is he isnt thinking of that the thing is is that Taylor is the one that went out, not her dad, he didnt become distant, she did because of VILLAIN shit

woooow

violence huh?

lol why on earth would she go

bye emmaaa

help its funny shes like huh this never happened to me before is this a trap? nah

god thatd be insane

yea see

stupid AND dangerous bc self defense

OH SHIT

LMAO HORRIBLE TIMING FOR U

nah…

this is so funny

gotta be pragmatic abt this

and practical

DAMMMN

um

omg…?

[thedialup]

psych wards are kind of the funniest things when you think about it. you get sent there after you tried killing yourself and they're like "have you had thoughts of hurting yourself" Bitch What Do You Think. bonus points if you then answer no to that question. the cherry on top.

[ham1lton]

just got out of hospital yesterday (feel 4 u 🥲) and thinking of dream girl!yn who has to get surgery (maybe appendectomy for the vibes) and the simps are just in her comments like 'me hi i will be ur personal nurse!! 😁😁😁 pick me!!'

and lewis is going 'excuse me this is my assistant? i will be the nurse?? all of you back the FUCK up???'

especially if maybe seb/jenson/kimi/other dilfs are trying to poach his assistant? that would be hilarious

author’s note: omg i’m praying 4 u fr. this hospital shit isn’t for the weak 😔😔😔 this has been finished and just sitting in my drafts for sooo long. i’m so sorry. this is short but i hope u enjoy!!! <3

— part of my dream girl series.

liked by jensonbutton, charles_leclerc and 1,828,121 others

yourusername: collapsing on live television wasn’t the move but we survived, minus my appendix. i’m gonna miss u allen…

tagged: jensonbutton nicorosberg roscoelovescoco

view all 348,901 comments

user1: why did u name it allen.

-> yourusername: i liked it 🤷🏽‍♀️

user2: did roscoe visit you in hospital??

-> yourusername: no but it’s okay <3 he gave me lots of snuggles when i got out!

user3: -9283738 aura for collapsing on camera

-> user4: but +infinity aura for being a bad bitch 🤭

*liked by yourusername.*

jensonbutton: i’m glad you’re okay yn! hope you enjoyed the flowers :)

-> yourusername: i did!! thank you so much!! they’re gorgeous!!

-> jensonbutton: if you need anything, and i mean anything, let me know.

-> lewishamilton: she’s fine. thanks for your concern 🙂 plus the flowers were cheap. i’ll give you the name of my florist for the future 👍🏾

-> user9: HELLO?2&29

landonorris: yn!! they wouldn’t let me into the hospital room but are you okay?

-> yourusername: perfectly fine mon frère 😋

-> user5: u got BROTHERZONED LMFAOOOO

user6: omg i can’t believe yn collapsed when jungkook was watching…

-> yourusername: WHAT?2&/@ DONT JOKE ABOUT THESE THINGS WAS HE REALLY THERE???????? 😭

-> yourusername: I WILL LITERALLY ASK THEM TO REINSERT THE APPENDIX SO I DIE IM SO SERIOUS PLEASE

-> user7: they’re joking babe 😔

-> yourusername: i hate y’all ong 😒😒😒

sebastianvettel: hi yn! hope everything is good. i’m glad that you’re fine! if you want support or anything, please reach out!

-> yourusername: seb ur so sweet :((

-> lewishamilton: oh so now u remember your ig login? you can forget it again it’s okay 👍🏾

-> sebastianvettel: i do remember my ig login. i just use it for important things only. yn don’t forget my job offer still stands.

charles_leclerc: yn did you get my text messages?

-> lewishamilton: she was too busy being in surgery. maybe later yeah? 👍🏾

-> user15: you can text me charles

-> charles_leclerc: i don’t have a phone. sorry 🤗

georgerussell63: yn????? are you alive??? please say yes???

-> yourusername: how could i be posting if i was dead, nerd?

-> carmenmmundt: he’s actually been so worried he started stress hyperventilating. we’ve both been very worried.

-> yourusername: omg georgie i feel rlly bad now :( i’m sorry 😔 i’m okay.

-> georgerussell63: no it’s fine. you’re back to bullying me which means you’re good 😃

-> user8: most underrated f1 friendship

user10: nico bought you flowers?

-> yourusername: yes! he was very sweet. the card was lovely too!! he insisted on buying everyone on my ward coffee for taking care of me.

-> user10: how do you know each other?

-> yourusername: my first job was working for his wife viv! she was the one who originally introduced me to lewis <3

-> user11: nico stealing yn would be the funniest end to the brocedes drama LMFAO

user12: jenson, nico and seb all trying to poach yn this is so funny to me.

carlossainz55: if you need a nurse, let me know. i know all about post-appendectomy care ♥️

-> lewishamilton: she doesn’t need a nurse. she has the best care available, how about you focus on fighting for p14 next year 👍🏾

-> user13: LEWIS PLEASE

-> user14: yn!!! he’s out again!! cut the wifi access!!

— series taglist: @flowergirl1134 @laur20a23 @greantii @rafebun @sumlovesjude @papayadays @allthings-fandoms @sageispunk @mindless-rock @mehrmonga @ravisinghs-wife @evans-dejong @evie-119 @six-call @santanasaintmendes @notyaslol @cherryl4na @sainzluvrr @1-800-love-me @nzygftoji

[theklaapologist]

[il3x]

I know she gets [REDACTED] in Ward but I also know she has an epilogue, so she probably survives or gets reanimated. Reanimation is the funniest option though. you've been fatalistic for years but the world keeps showing you up against all odds to the point that some faerie bitch hauls you back to life by the scruff of your spiritual neck. can you IMAGINE

tfw you're resigned to your death and then the world ends and you're still fucking there. how many knife-edge misses, now? you're starting to believe it won't ever take you. death is cheating you. are you stuck in this limbo forever? you're sick of waiting. you're sick of just fucking waiting.

you're starting to believe it won't ever take you.

and you're left in a world scoured raw, in this blank space of a body that's just there to carry your scars.

oh well. the waves won't ever stop coming, so you have work to do.

[asexual-juliet]

i love making fun of the oc pilot as much as the next person but it’s actually so fucking iconic?? ryan has literally never looked cuter than he did in that white v-neck, grey sweatshirt, leather jacket and choker. luke ward gave us the funniest fucking line of the entire series when he said “welcome to the oc, bitch!!” yes i can’t watch the “who are you?” “whoever you want me to be” scene without losing my shit but they both looked cute as fuck while it was happening!! they went off with “where I'm from, having a dream doesn't make you smart. knowing it won't come true? that does.” “hey, do you want to play grand theft auto? it’s pretty cool. you can, like, steal cars and… not that that's cool… or uncool. I don't know” makes me smile every time. “oh, hey…cocaine. that’s awesome” makes me lose my shit. sandy teaching ryan how to tie a tie... ryan knowing seth for like eight hours and essentially saying “well i guess i’m ride or die for this dumbass now”... seth hugging ryan when he says he has to leave... the scene where sandy is driving ryan back to chino and they pull out of the driveway and see marissa waiting in her own driveway, haloed by sunlight like a fucking goddess... as a society, are we ready to admit that the oc pilot is actually Good Shit???

[spindash]

everybody so mean to judith ward like she isnt the funniest bitch ever

[princess-of-purple-prose]

[ID: An excerpt from the transcript of episode 22: Ingratitude from I Am In Eskew. It reads:

I scoop my daughter up, lifting her back into bed and settling the covers around her, and I address her with comforting words that seem to settle the issue of the objective non-existence of monsters while glossing over the trickier nuances of what constitutes a monster and whether we can ever truly trust the evidence of our own eyes.

I don't look up at the ceiling, of course. I'm not stupid. End ID]

[haganez]

one of the funniest moments at the worst times is when i was getting checked out of the psych ward and my mom was acting like a bitch as usual and the guy at the desk looks at me and is like "is she why youre here" and i just nod my head solemnly

[thedialup]

psych wards are kind of the funniest things when you think about it. you get sent there after you tried killing yourself and they're like "have you had thoughts of hurting yourself" Bitch What Do You Think. bonus points if you then answer no to that question. the cherry on top.