#funniest bitch in the ward

[theklaapologist]

[lostreverb]

DAD!RALPH BOHNER HEADCANONS

a/n: if we're gonna call him a dilf might as well write about it! also he gives girl dad vibes so we're going with that! AND SORRY ABOUT THE ANGST I'M LIKE ADDICTED TO WRITING IT

warning: mentions of PTSD, swearing

--

• you and your four year old daughter were coincidentally on a trip to visit family when the hex happened, your husband ralph couldn't get out of work but insisted you go without him

• after everything, ralph's mental state was so poor he had to quit his job, so instead of having a nanny, ralph becomes a stay at home dad while you work

• you were reasonably uncertain if ralph was mentally stable enough to take care of a child as well as himself but he insisted he's capable

• loves you and his daughter more than anything in the world

• calls her "bub, hon, sweetpea, babygirl, little gremlin, kiddo"

• is very protective of his family (especially after the hex)

• he buys everyone evil eye necklaces and makes you wear them to keep you safe

• doesn't sleep much anymore unless he's napping with his daughter

• it's quite literally the only time he gets any kind of peaceful sleep

• you had definitely spent an entire year trying to get her sleep on her own but that's out the window now and she'll only sleep in your bed

• on the occasions he does try to get a full night's rest, ralph still gets nightmares. but when he wakes up in a sweat, seeing "his girls" cuddled up with him calms him down, sometimes enough to where he can go back to sleep

• your daughter adores her dad's grown out curls, and often raves about how they look just like hers (compared to the cropped hair he had before) and mindlessly plays with his beard when they're sat on the couch watching TV

• does funny voices when he reads stories to her

• lives for hearing + making her laugh with corny jokes (btw she thinks he's the funniest person in the world)

• practices his one man show for her and the reason you know is because she'll try and recite certain plot points to you as if that's something that happened to her

• ralph forgets to eat but when he does, it's often just whatever your daughter doesn't finish of her food or he raids the fridge at 3 am

• generally his diet consists of celsius and half eaten dino nuggets

• sends her to preschool with totems he makes for show n' tell

• you got a call at work once because she did the black magic warding chants ralph taught her with an animal skull totem and it scared some kids and made them cry

• according to your daughter it was only "like 2 people" who cried and assured you that everything was fine b/c the rest of the class thought she was "the awesomest"

• you have to tell her to stop going around telling people her dad is an expert in "getting rid of witches" b/c they think she means "bitches"

• whenever you come home to seeing your daughter sat in ralph's lap at his computer, he tells you he's just working on his one man show but he's really on reddit and other forums teaching her how to protect herself from witches

• has learned well how to dress his daughter but b/c of his sketchy appearance sometimes ppl think she's been kidnapped, especially if she starts to throw a tantrum in public and you're not around

• cared very much for billy and tommy b/c they reminded him of his daughter

• there's been times where he's particularly struggling with his PTSD and accidentally scares her and it breaks his heart

• despite this, she'll come over and try to cheer him up with one of her stuffed animals and hug him or do one of the chants he taught her because that's what her idea of protection and safety is

-----------

ANGST DRABBLE

ralph sits with his head in his hands, distraught. he had another episode, this time in front of his young daughter. seeing the look of shock and fear on her face broke his heart.

those damn witches had hell to pay for what they've done.

"daddy?" he hears a small voice say. ralph's head shoots up. his daughter, holding her favorite teddy bear (which she renamed "papa bear" after noticing how closely his new look resembles the stuffed animal) walked up to him. her eyes are still a bit glossy, but she's smiling regardless.

"hey hon..." ralph speaks softly, reaching out to stroke her hair. "what have you got there?"

she puts the teddy into his arms, searching his face for a reaction.

"is.. this for me?"

she nods and ralph gasps holding it tight.

"oh wow, thank you babygirl- c'mere-"

he pulls her in for a deep embrace, kissing her head and whispering that he's sorry and that he loves her so much. a tear falls down his cheek as he holds her small body against his, hearing her say "i love you more, daddy!" in that sweet tone of hers.

it takes everything in his power not to completely break down.

------------

FLUFF DRABBLE

after finishing dinner, you walk up the stairs, hearing the sound of chanting coming from the bedroom.

"close! remember kiddo you've got to do it twice for it to really work so let's go again- OUMMMM-"

"mommy!" at the sight of you, your daughter jumps off ralph's lap and throws her little arms around your legs.

"hi!" you respond enthusiastically, hugging her back. "just wanted to let you both know dinner was ready. what are you guys... up to?"

ralph avoids your eyes by pretending to look around the room. your daughter smiles up at you, bursting with excitement.

"daddy was teaching me-"

ralph interrupts. "dinner's ready? oh, you have perfect timing babe we're starving- uh kiddo? why don't you go wash your hands?"

"ooookayyyy!!" your daughter skips out of the room, curly ponytail swinging back and forth in time with her steps.

"again? ralph we talked about this-"

"i know, sorry..." he sighs. you notice his eyes linger on your chest.

"like what you see?" you tease, wiggling your eyebrows.

"no-! i mean- yes, of course but- you're not wearing the necklace..." he pouts.

you roll your eyes and reach into your shirt to pull the chain out.

"oh- my bad"

"yeah- now mr. bohnerrific69, could you please tell my husband that dinner's ready and he needs to actually eat tonight? because a whole pack of oreo's is not a sufficient meal."

"who told you i-?!"

ralph's gaze moves to your daughter, who's peeking past the door frame giggling.

"snitch!" ralph gasps dramatically and stands up from his desk, starting to playfully chase her down the hall. "thought you could rat me out huh? we had a deal!"

--

tags (ask to be added or removed anytime!): @fear-is-truth @juliamaximoff @jazz-berry @violetsghosts @quickreider @tiffysdeath @honeymoon8 @wcnderlnds @lacucarachapisser @xrag-dollx

[carefulfears]

Top 5 Skinner is annoyed with Mulder and Scully moments

okay this isn't really like him chewing them out but my top 5 "walter skinner doesn't need this" moments that make me giggle

1/ when mulder crashed the car and went missing in iwtb and skinner had to go pick scully up and he kept trying to calm her down and tell her to breathe and that mulder is fine

and he said "he wouldn't do anything crazy" and scully fully STOPPED to turn over and give him a LOOK

like this

it's lowkey my favorite moment in the movie because you can tell that scully is trying so hard to keep it together and her lip keeps quivering that whole scene until he says that line and she's just like???? i'm trying not to start screaming and your words of wisdom are "mulder wouldn't do anything crazy?????"

he's like girl i'm trying!!!! bless his heart

2/ when he asks mulder who the father of scully's baby is and mulder's just like "lol i dunno ask her" ...HE SUFFERS SO MUCH!!!

skinner was the first person to know about scully's pregnancy and the only person who was there for her for most of it and helping her, and he had made comments about mulder being the father before, so his ass knew. he's just like...so are y'all ready to be serious people or...?

mind you, at this point, skinner was the one who DUG MULDER'S COFFIN OUT OF THE GROUND!!!!!!!! just for him to behave like a deadbeat.

3/ when mulder was in the psych ward (the second time) and skinner was trying to help him and mulder just full-on physically attacked him to pass him a note written in BLOOD...girl WHAT?????

related: a couple years earlier when mulder was in the psych ward the first time for trying to shoot a man in skinner's office in front of him

4/ when mulder was on trial for murder and scully and skinner were like "we're gonna get you the best lawyer" and mulder's suicidal ass was like "lol no i don't want a lawyer skinman can defend me"

he suffers. so. much.

and then he DOES!!! he puts so much time and effort into trying to give mulder a good defense and mulder blocks like half their witnesses and is like i hope they DO give me death row, bitch!

once again can i remind you that skinner has already buried him

(also, that it was around this time that skinner had to tell him about william breaks my heart. but that's another conversation.)

5/ literally the entire episode of zero sum. skinner sold his soul to the devil to not only save scully, but to protect mulder too, and the whole time mulder is just cluelessly following behind like "almost figured out who sold their soul to the devil, boss!"

god it's literally so fucking funny like one of the funniest episodes of the show to me because it's like everyone forgets how good at his job mulder is until it's used against them

a few runner-ups but we could all go for ages:

all of the times that not only mulder and scully, but also clones of samantha, held him at gunpoint when he was just trying to help

the time mulder caught a sewer monster and skinner had to call the DA and ask how to prosecute it

this is an obvious one but the time mulder punched him because he’d been dosed with LSD

the line, "i helped A.D. skinner with his migraines. which he claims are due to you." that one of the baby agents says to mulder in s10

another favorite revival moment of mine is in this when mulder and scully are attacked and can't go home so skinner has to drive out to the woods and give them money

i don't even want to mention the time that mulder accidentally let a serial killer loose and then told skinner it was because of a dream

the reports that he has to read...the reports that he has to read....the reports that he has to read........

lol i just remembered when skinner brought krycek into mulder's office and mulder just SHOT up like a dog and tried to beat the shit out of him WORDLESSLY.

we love you so much skinman!

[milf--adjacent]

It's really funny watching these self-proclaimed free-thinking, reasonable, informed people dog pile me for calling someone who was needlessly rude to me a bitch with the same force people did when ratliker got found out for race posing (among other things) without even looking at the context. Dogpile and racist/transphobe-jacket a trans woman over an argument that literally wasn't even an argument! That's how we end transmisogyny!

"I'm a Marxist!" is probably the funniest thing they keep repeating, as if it is a ward against evil, a reason for behaving like junior high bullies.

[bananathebookworm]

TLOVM Season 2 Eps 4-6 Ramblings

EP. 4

- More baby twins. I love getting to see these flashbacks of things that were only briefly mentioned during the campaign.

- Trinket origin story! Baby trinket is so adorable.

- Ugh... and right back into this absolutely brutal moment. The first of several moments that are going to be absolutely gut wrenching to see animated.

- Trinket defending his mama. 

- “Take me instead you Raven bitch.” Love that they keep these iconic lines from the campaign.

- “Holy shit, I’m amazing.” Humble as ever Kash.

- Love Vex laughing in response to them telling her she died. Because sometimes it’s the only way to process things.

- Vax getting Death Walker’s Ward. And thus the decision that seals Vax’s fate in the end.

- Zahra is so cool. I love her.

- Vax’s flashbacks to the Calamity... I really hope we get a Calamity film at some point.

- And a passing of the torch from Purvan to Vax. Going from Vax getting the shit beat out of him, to him then accepting his fate and coming back and saving everyone. I love it so much.

- The tensions between Percy and Vax beginning... 

- The necklace for Trinket!

- Was not expecting that little jumpscare at all... though I really like them adding these Calamity flashbacks as part of becoming the new Champion of the Matron of Ravens.

- Westruun in flames...

EP. 5

- BABY KEYLETH! 

- “Pass through fire” reference. I’m a little sad that the context has changed so much, but I appreciate that the sentiment still exists in this world. I guess this also means we won’t be seeing Kerrek at all. (Which makes sense given Lyra and Thorbir were also cut.)

- Grog and Kraven Edge. Simultaneously the funniest and most terrifying relationship in the show. Also love that they included the Grog and Scanlan convo.

- Pike and Grog singing together! I love it.

- And the secrets of the broom unlocked!

- Was Vax this much of an asshole during this part of the campaign? I don’t remember him being this much of a dick towards Keyleth...

- KIMA AND ALLURA! HELL YES!

- “You know what you fight fire with?” “Fire?” “Me.” Never change Grog.

- “We can certainly try.” Fucking incredible. I love it so much.

- I love any time Percy loses his cool. 

- ALLURA. FUCKING. VYSOREN.

- I have very little recollection of Keyleth and her dad together in campaign, so I love getting to see them together here.

- I wonder if between the Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein series we’ll get to see Keyleth and her mother reunite.

- Keyleth is the best member of the team. I will not be taking any questions or criticisms.

- Seeing Keyleth’s new look, my brain immediately goes to getting the red tunic to resist fire in Ocarina of Time...

- Plane shifting beginnings.

EP. 6

- And now getting into Grog’s backstory a little more. I love that season one was them solidifying them as a team, and now season two is letting us see more into their individual backstories.

- Oh Percy...

- My recollection is that Scanlan never let anyone manhandle him in the campaign. He always insisted that everyone else heal themselves first and refused to be picked up most of the time. (With the occasional exception during battle like the fast-ball special.)

- Kraven Edge is terrifying

- Sphinxes are so cool

- Arcane Piano. This is ridiculous and amazing all at once.

- During the campaign I never stopped to consider what it actually looks like when Scanlan stop to sing in the middle of battle.

- Scanlan bonding with the Sphinx was not what I expected from this trial. But I love it.

- MYTHCARVER! Time to slay a Pit Fiend.

- Not as brutal as ending on Liam/Vax’s sobs last week, but that was still awful. 

- I'm interested to see where this goes because so far Pike is their only healer, unlike the campaign where Vex, Scanlan, and Keyleth were also able to heal when needed.

[gastlives]

HELP

wow cool to know ure one of the peoples who Watched that happen

it needs to be done...

thatd be.. Something

a PREDATOR>… also girl bye

bitch go away

Thats the funniest way to put ppl u hate also its good that u dont care abt her anymore… SHES the one obsessed w U

hold on was the red haired kid clockblocker… thatd be funny

wooow

thatd be really awesome if there werent ppl around

yea ure just being annoying now when a lot of ppl jjust went thru shit as well

its sooo funny when ure a Villain and the Random Bully at school thinks shes higher than u in terms of worthiness

this is great

ha

oh man and sophia was a whole another shit, at least emma wasnt a ward

still crazy taht shes telling her like hey MAYBE if u werent a VICTIM u couldve been my FRIEND Still

oh shes going OOOFF

?

oh cmon ive SEEN how her dad is he isnt thinking of that the thing is is that Taylor is the one that went out, not her dad, he didnt become distant, she did because of VILLAIN shit

woooow

violence huh?

lol why on earth would she go

bye emmaaa

help its funny shes like huh this never happened to me before is this a trap? nah

god thatd be insane

yea see

stupid AND dangerous bc self defense

OH SHIT

LMAO HORRIBLE TIMING FOR U

nah…

this is so funny

gotta be pragmatic abt this

and practical

DAMMMN

um

omg…?

[thedialup]

psych wards are kind of the funniest things when you think about it. you get sent there after you tried killing yourself and they're like "have you had thoughts of hurting yourself" Bitch What Do You Think. bonus points if you then answer no to that question. the cherry on top.

[oceanautismrosenberg]

Decided I wanted to participate in this !!

Favourite production? : If there was a 2015 Chicago slime tutorial I'm sure it would be that one, because every time I see content of them I go NUTS and I love their Ricky, another thing I love from the Chicago production is how special it was for RTC History in theater itself, since it was the first american production ever. I also love 2016 production (who doesn't? /genq), Stone Production and South Playhouse Production. Stone Production has a really special place in my heart since I discovered RTC because of them :) It makes me so happy! I also really love 2009 production because heheh play to win and lala love <3

Favourite character? : OCEAN!!! I'm literally obsessed guys I can't. I giggle and kick my feet every time I see content of her!!!!! Second place is taken by Ricky and third it's fighted between Mischa and Connie. It truly depends of my mood.

Least favourite character? : Hope I don't get jumped but Noel . . . I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHY!!! I just can't care a lot about him :( This DOESN'T mean I don't love him at all, because I love EVERY SINGLE of the characters, but I just... I dunno, he's not so special in my heart I guess. AGAIN, I LOVE HIM A LOT BUT STILL

Favourite song? : Space Age Bachelor Man. I just. I just don't understand how EVERY single version of SABM is absolutely PERFECT. Such a vibe.

Least favourite song? : Little Things Become Big Things. I'm sorry I don't like it. If it HAS to be from american productions I would say The New Birthday Song; when I listen to it when I'm watching the show I shred tears sure but I wouldn't really listen to it (? If that makes any sense.

How would you rank the opening songs? : Okay this is really difficult but for me it is Fall Fair Suite (2015 then 2016) -> Tragic Fact -> Waiting For The Drop -> Uranium Suite (2019 and above) -> U-R-A-N-I-U-M

Favourite cut song? : My demons are fighting because I can't decide between "Play to Win" or "LaLa Love". They are both bangers okay leave me alone.

Favourite cut character? : HANK, TOTALLY HANK!! I also have a thing for Trishna and I'm not even sure why because we don't really have a lot of information about her but my heart flutters when I see that one screenshot of her singing on Play To Win

Unpopular opinion? Or if you don't have any, a popular opinion you agree with? : Ocean IS a bad person, but not a fricking monster like a lot of people represent her on fanfiction or fanmedia. She IS wrong about a lot of things but she isn't insensitive about what she says; if we are talking about WTWN, let's remember Ocean thought that Karnak was the one voting, so she had to give him reasons about why she should be voted. She was a bitch when doing it? TOTALLY because why the fuck would you be like that to Ricky and Connie tf but a lot of people make her look like the worst person ever living on earth if that makes sense (even if she is the worst person in the play ofc)

Favourite ship? : Perfectcloud, I'm obsessed with them. Second place is taken by Spacerap and third by Perfectdolls. I also really like platonic Spacedolls, they are besties fr trust

Least favourite ship/ship that you don't understand the hype for? : Cdplayer (even if its from Legoland) and Nestingdolls. I know they are both rareships but I don't really get why...? Specially Nestingdolls because in Cdplayer atleast you have the whole SevenUp! arc

Favourite RTC actor(s)? : Tiffany Tatreau (<3), Adam Standley, Addy Ward and Ella Culbreath.

Favourite representation of [insert ship]? : Stone Productions blackrose makes me cry I swear to god. Really.

Favourite interpretation of [insert character]? : Adam's representation of Mischa is the funniest thing ever I'm in love with it. Like he's so good doing the accent I swear

Favourite take on [insert song]? : Danny Bó's and Alex Wyse's space age bachelor man. Alex's high note it's the best thing ever and Danny's acting is hilarious I really like it. I also like Benjamin Michael Hall's take on Noel's Lament since it's really different about what we are all used to on NL's performances. Honorific mention of Adam Standley's TSIA because it's bad on purpose and really gives the Youtube 2009 rapper vibe.

Favourite costumes/set design? : 2016 Space Age Bachelor Man. The giant wig. Just. Just the giant wig makes it absolutely awesome.

Favourite vocal performance? : Tiffany Tatreau's and Gus Halper's. They are AMAZING. Never forget Emily Rhom's tho, because I'll always be impressed of it.

What are your headcanons for [insert character]? : Autistic hyperverbal Ocean. That's it that's the hc. (I'm autistic myself and I really see Ocean as one too because I noticed a lot of traits of hers)

Do you have any theories? : Jane Doe was Penny Lamb BEFORE dying :3

Favourite RTC fanfic/fic author/fic recs in general? : kermitkc (Take The Plunge (SORRY I KNOW IT IS A SMUTFIC BUT IT LITERALLY MADE ME CRY I HAD TO MENTION IT), The Perfect Date and Maybe the Real Cookies Were the Friends We Made Along the Way), waitinginthemilkweed (Carnations), StarClanlight (Can We Kiss? and Don't Touch Me, Please), Maven_O ("Something about the way he moves, attracts me like no other lover,") and junoharu (equinox)

Favourite RTC fanart/fanartist/any fanart you love? : enter-the-rickyverse and Chair Parasites/Ranella Chair !!

Do you have any OCs? If so what are they like? : . . . No :( but I'm planning on doing one!

What would your catchphrase be and/or what 'The ___ in Town' would you be called? : "Wait, wait, wait . . . Wait a minute or I'll go on short-circuit... You know- BZSBBSZBSZBZSB *computer noises*" - The Weirdest/Nerdiest girl In Town. I just know I'm a nerd I have to accept it *cries in computer nerd*

Favourite line of dialogue? : "Romeo and Juliet, teen sex kills!", "I lay my masculinity, to the altar of your maidenhood . . .", "Live and let live! Love at let love! For love is the closest you can come to another person, because its the closest you can come to being another person.", "I urge you to make the responsible choice here, for the betterment of humanity."

Something you haven't seen in a production that you want to? : Ocean with a fan, haven't seen it since the american productions.

Any underrated productions you love? : Stone Productions, AGAIN!!! I just can't understand how people almost never talk about them.

How many productions have you watched? Which ones? : I think I watched 5 of them: 2016 American NYC, Stone Production, Stagecraft Production, Station Theater and listened to South Playhouse's.

Have you ever been to see a RTC production? : No :( In argentina we just had one and it was on Buenos Aires, where I don't live.

If you were in a production of RTC, who would you play? : RICKY POTTS. I WOULD *KILL* TO PLAY RICKY POTTS.

Overall favourite part of RTC and/or the fandom? : Its actual meaning. Ride The Cyclone was invented for the mere purpose of giving theater a twist, and it completely made it! A lot of people can interpret this show in their own special way, and that's what probably makes it so special. Ride The Cyclone is the best way to portray a lot of topics at the same time, spreading taboo topics as normal (death and sex specially.) They make the characters AND the audience explore themselves, without being ashamed because "that was it"; they already died and they had this opportunity of express their individuality and THEY KILLED IT WHEN DOING SO! I just really admire Jacob Richmond for his job when creating this play, and the whole team that it involved.

Ride The Cyclone Ask Game!!!

Just some fun little questions!! Please do rant as much as you want with any and all of your answers :D

Favourite production?

Favourite character?

Least favourite character?

Favourite song?

Least favourite song?

How would you rank the opening songs?

Favourite cut song?

Favourite cut character?

Unpopular opinion? Or if you don't have any, a popular opinion you agree with?

Favourite ship?

Least favourite ship/ship that you don't understand the hype for?

Favourite RTC actor(s)?

Favourite representation of [insert ship]?

Favourite interpretation of [insert character]?

Favourite take on [insert song]?

Favourite costumes/set design?

Favourite vocal performance?

What are your headcanons for [insert character]?

Do you have any theories?

Favourite RTC fanfic/fic author/fic recs in general?

Favourite RTC fanart/fanartist/any fanart you love?

Do you have any OCs? If so what are they like?

What would your catchphrase be and/or what 'The ___ in Town' would you be called?

Favourite line of dialogue?

Something you haven't seen in a production that you want to?

Any underrated productions you love?

How many productions have you watched? Which ones?

Have you ever been to see a RTC production?

If you were in a production of RTC, who would you play?

Overall favourite part of RTC and/or the fandom?

[theklaapologist]

Virus and Trip

[asexual-juliet]

i love making fun of the oc pilot as much as the next person but it’s actually so fucking iconic?? ryan has literally never looked cuter than he did in that white v-neck, grey sweatshirt, leather jacket and choker. luke ward gave us the funniest fucking line of the entire series when he said “welcome to the oc, bitch!!” yes i can’t watch the “who are you?” “whoever you want me to be” scene without losing my shit but they both looked cute as fuck while it was happening!! they went off with “where I'm from, having a dream doesn't make you smart. knowing it won't come true? that does.” “hey, do you want to play grand theft auto? it’s pretty cool. you can, like, steal cars and… not that that's cool… or uncool. I don't know” makes me smile every time. “oh, hey…cocaine. that’s awesome” makes me lose my shit. sandy teaching ryan how to tie a tie... ryan knowing seth for like eight hours and essentially saying “well i guess i’m ride or die for this dumbass now”... seth hugging ryan when he says he has to leave... the scene where sandy is driving ryan back to chino and they pull out of the driveway and see marissa waiting in her own driveway, haloed by sunlight like a fucking goddess... as a society, are we ready to admit that the oc pilot is actually Good Shit???

[il3x]

I know she gets [REDACTED] in Ward but I also know she has an epilogue, so she probably survives or gets reanimated. Reanimation is the funniest option though. you've been fatalistic for years but the world keeps showing you up against all odds to the point that some faerie bitch hauls you back to life by the scruff of your spiritual neck. can you IMAGINE

tfw you're resigned to your death and then the world ends and you're still fucking there. how many knife-edge misses, now? you're starting to believe it won't ever take you. death is cheating you. are you stuck in this limbo forever? you're sick of waiting. you're sick of just fucking waiting.

you're starting to believe it won't ever take you.

and you're left in a world scoured raw, in this blank space of a body that's just there to carry your scars.

oh well. the waves won't ever stop coming, so you have work to do.

[spindash]

everybody so mean to judith ward like she isnt the funniest bitch ever

[haganez]

one of the funniest moments at the worst times is when i was getting checked out of the psych ward and my mom was acting like a bitch as usual and the guy at the desk looks at me and is like "is she why youre here" and i just nod my head solemnly

[princess-of-purple-prose]

[ID: An excerpt from the transcript of episode 22: Ingratitude from I Am In Eskew. It reads:

I scoop my daughter up, lifting her back into bed and settling the covers around her, and I address her with comforting words that seem to settle the issue of the objective non-existence of monsters while glossing over the trickier nuances of what constitutes a monster and whether we can ever truly trust the evidence of our own eyes.

I don't look up at the ceiling, of course. I'm not stupid. End ID]

[scary-lasagna]

ThanksKilling [Pt. IIII]

___ The creeps finally have a nice meal together ___

An hour later, and the dining hall was filled with scents of pumpkin, turkey, ham, roasted chicken, and lively lighting from the warm chandelier, it gave a sense of security to those peacefully chattering over their feast. A miracle was deemed that no one has killed each other yet, and everyone seemed to decently be getting along. Conversations overlapped each other, and there wasn't a singular conversation through the 30+ dining seats; Everyone seemed to be in their own ombre groups, talking over the table and calling down the lines of seats to their friends. 

"I still can't believe that Slender and Zalgo had a baby."

"We didn't conceive a child, Ben. Rake was made with pure magic and wishful thinking." Slender spoke over the chatter of the dining hall, and has been popping in and out of guest's conversations regularly. The being in question was weaving in and out of chairs, picking up table scrapes and nearly nicking fingers who dared to share their food despite the specially ordered cherries they beloved.

Words faded in and out as creeps exchanged bonds, well-wishes, and fond inside jokes everyone seemed to know of.

"Aw!~ Cmon, Jackie, no one's gonna judge you! Everyone eats rare steak now and then." Nina cooed with an encouraging shoulder pat, and the poor eyeless demon responded with a sigh and a poke at the raw meat on his blood-stained plate with upturned brows. Nina was encouraging, but maybe...he'll just save it for later. 

"And then he said 'I'm pickle rick'...funniest shit I ever saw." Silver merely stared politely at the blue jester, and wished BEN would drag him out of the god-forsaken conversation.

In the seats across from Silver and Candypop, BEN has reached his own dilemma, "Jeff, my hand's stuck in the turkey."

"You're a ghost, bro."

"Oh, yeah, haha." Ben popped his wrist-deep hand out of the turkey, offering a handful of stuffing to Jeff's plate.

"So," Kagekao hummed, smirking under his mask, "Who wants to talk about politics?"

A chorus of no's and 'fuck off's' erupted, excluding the agreement from Zalgo and Laughing Jack, who purely came to stir chaos among the creeps.

"You know Slender, I have to admit I extremely underestimated how this night would go." Zalgo set his utensil down, and wiped the blood off of his lips with a neatly folded napkin.

"Well, just let this be a lesson when trying to-"

"Please do me a favor and never invite me over again, this is incredibly boring and I have not seen a single death tonight."

"Would you like to experience one? Because I'll kick this turkey leg so far up your-"

"Mother! Oh, have I ever told you how much I love you?!" Splendor chimed in at the perfect time, and pressed a cheek to his mother's temple.

"Yeah, keep kissing ass for Christmas, Splen." Offender took a seat next to Jane, "Hello my favorite lesbian!"

"Don't ever refer to me like that again."

"What's wrong with lesbians?!" Jeff exclaimed, "They just like other girls, there's nothing wrong with that." The raven-haired man shrugged with sass, and took a bite of marshmallow-topped yam. It caught some attention, and even a disinterested Helen looked up from his chived-mashed potatoes.

"Jeffery, you dumb soulless bitch, I'm a lesbian." Jane placed a manicured hand over her heart.

"Well, congratulations, Jane, you're not as much of an asshole as I thought you were."

Jane paused for a moment and finally exhaled, dropping the conversation to return to her knife talk with Tim. 

"TiiiIIMM!! Can I have the 'tates please?" Toby reached across the table, teetering one of the candle holders in the process.

"Yeah, just don't set the table runner on fire." The brunette grumbled and handed over the glass bull of onion and chive flavored mash potatoes. The table runner would be better set on fire. It was far from returning to a smooth velvet, and the messy housemates have all left their lasting decorations on the poor piece of fabric. 

After the feast, the creeps retreated to their own circles to rest and digest the wide arrange of food that was presented to them. Some slept on each other, and some we're forced onto the floor by their friends after some calming gaming, art, or whatever those silly creeps like to do in their downtime.

Zalgo and Slender departed with a not-so-friendly handshake, although the king was extremely appreciative of the invite, even if he expressed mixed signals.

Toby had a peaceful sleep, wrapped up in a pile of jackets and blankets to ward away any brewing nightmares. And Jane decided to be kind enough and return Jeff's broken dog tag that fell off in a fit of laughter.

The Rake? Well, they snuggled close to Clockwork that night.

What matters is that they spent their well-meant time together, and no one had to do the dishes that night.

[thedialup]

psych wards are kind of the funniest things when you think about it. you get sent there after you tried killing yourself and they're like "have you had thoughts of hurting yourself" Bitch What Do You Think. bonus points if you then answer no to that question. the cherry on top.