#fun fact when i first tried to do my a levels i actually did biology as my third choice

[georgia-stanway]

You wouldn't know this from the fact that I live blogged the election but I actually only got a c in my politics a level. I was predicted an a/b but because I only needed a b in it instead of the as I needed for history and English I didn't do any revision and I only did it in the first place because I couldn't think of anything else to do (I probably would have done RE but I didn't do RE GCSE because I did my GCSEs on 6 hours a week with hospital ed). Thankfully a*ac is the same UCAS points as aab and they didn't really care about politics, presumably because I got an a and a* in the subjects I actually wanted to study.

[thesquidkid]

Who says science isn't exciting?

Episode 4x03 Subterranean homesick alien

Compared to 4x02 or even 4x01, this episode is very light on science. Also, apologies for the delay, but between exams and going back home for the holidays, I've had a very hectic week. Once again, I am not an expert in anything, just a nerd.

The two science-y bits happen at Deep Sky (can we talk about how everyone seems to just walk in and out of that place? including dead bodies). The first one is when Liz thanks Eduardo for giving her access to his machine:

"Eduardo, thank you. This machine is my favorite thing. It tests for everything: EC, pH, PO4-P. I'm about to ask it to do my taxes."

EC could mean a multitude of things, even when just looking at biology and chemistry. I will spare you all the different possible definitions and directly give you the two options that I think Liz might be referencing:

EC50: which is the half maximal effective concentration, and is a toxic unit measuring the concentration of a drug, antibody or toxicant. To put it in simpler terms, EC50 is the concentration required to reach 50% effect.

Or she could be talking about the electrical conductivity of a solution. Which, as the name indicates, represents the ability of a certain material to conduct electric current.

(The other options would not make that much sense in the context of the sentence).

I would be more inclined to believe that she is talking about EC50, especially given she talks about pH just after.

pH (potential of hydrogen) is a measure of how acidic/basic a solution is. The range goes from 0 - 14, with 7 being neutral. If the pH < 7 then the solution is acidic, and reversely if the pH>7 then it is basic.

Fun fact, but testing for pH (as far as my chemistry knowledge from high school goes) is not that hard. And I don't think it requires a special machine to do. The way we did it in high school (granted, we were not doing very complex solutions), is that we stuck a piece of pH paper into the solution, and depending on the color we had the scale of acidity.

The third thing Liz mentions is PO4-P.

PO4-P is a method of testing for phosphorus. It basically gives back the number of phosphorus (and only phosphorus, not oxygen) present in a solution.

We also know from 2x01 where Michael and Liz are dissecting Noah's body, that oasians' organs (other than bones) contain traces of organic phosphorus. I talk more about phosphorus here.

I tried finding a link between phosphorus and P2P (phenyl-2-propanone), and the closest I got was that both P2P and phosphorus can be used in creating meth (but they are both different methods, and it requires mostly red phosphorus).

So, the logical conclusion would be that the mystery component is both a derivative of P2P and of phosphorus.

Either way, we do know that alien organs have stronger traces of phosphorus than humans (hence why the little green men typically glow in the dark), and since Liz's machine can test for the presence of phosphorus, we now have an easier way to track down aliens and their environment.

(Instead of, you know, analysing someone's DNA in five minutes, as Liz often does)

The next bit of science follows in the next scene, where Liz tells Max (after having analysed all the samples in record time. Really, Deep Sky is like heaven with how fast things happen):

"Okay. All right, well, the alien plasma matches the balloons, but that's to be expected since the samples we took were from their car wheels. Usual levels of bacteria and fungi, EC is normal. Huh... High levels of petroleum hydrocarbon."

Once again I think EC is actually EC50 as I talked about earlier, since I don't think electrical current is relevant here.

And now, petroleum hydrocarbon. Max says that it's the result of oil extraction. That is correct.

Petroleum is a naturally occurring yellowish-black liquid mixture of mainly hydrocarbons.

A hydrocarbon is an organic compound consisting only of hydrogen and carbon.

The thing that bothers me in that scene, which I've mentioned before, is the speed at which the science is done. I understand that actual science consists mostly of waiting and therefore isn't interesting to show on tv. But no one told them they had to do an episode / a day. If everything was simply a little more spread out, it would still make more sense.

Anyway, this is all the science for 4x03, thanks for reading, and if you have any criticism about it, feel free to reach out!

[out-of-this-dimension]

Hypothetically Rewriting Assault’s Story + Some General Assault Opinions

There’s a game my husband and I like to play when we watch a movie, play a game, or read a book that has a story that we don’t really enjoy or we enjoy certain parts of but not others.  We look at things we’d keep and things we’d change and we build a story from there-- sort of like an AU but we don’t really go into the writing part, we just stick to theorizing and mapping a general story.

I decided to play that game with Star Fox.  Not because I think Star Fox has a bad story but because sometimes I think the stories could have been handled better.  Note: for the rewrite game, I only really look at story, even for video games, I don’t really look at gameplay mechanics, but I do understand those have a lot to do with story potential so I do take it in as a factor... I just don’t bother to “rewrite” the mechanics, if that makes any sense at all.  Some of my list today will include boss encounters but I wouldn’t necessarily say those are mechanic-related... more like “event-related”.

I’ve mused a bit in the past about rewriting Adventures and Command and I do have plans to do a mock up of an Adventures remake eventually.  However, today I was thinking about how I would go about handling an Assault re-write in particular.  Much like Command and Adventures, I don’t have any beef with the core story but I do think there’s a few things that could’ve been better about Assault’s storyline-- like they had good ideas rolling but they didn’t quite refine them.

Under the cut because SUPER long.

My basic feelings on Assault are pretty positive.  I think the game is generally just fun and I like that it feels like the natural progression from SF64.  I liked getting to see planets we haven’t seen since the N64 era in better graphics and I liked seeing Star Wolf return.  I also just thought the aparoids were neat enemies. 

Generally speaking, though, when it comes to Assault, I think it suffers from the thing it tries to push the most-- the story.  I think a lot of people get caught up in thinking the story is better than it is because it’s the first game since SF64 that really follows the same Star Fox vibe without retelling the Lylat Wars.  Don’t get me wrong, the overall plot is great but the execution and pacing are... wonky.  Certain characterizations also take a hit in some regards but no one really talks about that when Command exists. That’s something we’ll talk about later on with this post.

That being said, Assault really does have a lot good going for it.  An absolute banger of a soundtrack, some great dialogue, a neat story synopsis, the introduction of cool characters like Panther and Beltino (who existed but was always off-screen), and just good levels.  

So, here’s what I would add, I suppose, if I were to somehow have the ability to rewrite Assault.  Originally I had this in paragraph form, but I’ve made it into more of a list under topic segments with main points bolded for your viewing pleasure.  Some of these points might be considered nitpicky and while I do understand that yes, this is a game about space animals, I do hold the developers in high enough regard to make a game with a continuity that makes sense.

The Story Changes

- Reduce Pigma’s storyline in Assault.  This is the biggest one for me because a bulk of the plotline feels like a giant chase to just get at Pigma and it feels like it derails from the actual plot with the aparoids.  We only go to Sargasso because of Pigma.  We only go to Fichina and then back to Meteo again, because of Pigma.  That’s 3 levels in a 10 level game devoted to just tracking down Pigma and chasing him.  While it makes the build up to fighting Pigma kind of nice, I personally feel like the plot could be reduced to 2 levels.  If Assault overall was a longer game, I could see them making it 3 levels.  Overall, though, in its current state, I feel like the side plot overstays its welcome and the aparoids promptly get shoved to the side in favor of “Oh no, we gotta get to Pigma!” And I get the main motive here is to show how the aparoids affect people and because of the build up, it does a good job at showing how utterly terrifying the aparoids are.  But it’s still too long given the length of Assault’s story. The only alternative to this is make Assault longer, which... honestly, it should be.  

- Revise the scene with Tricky.  I’m obviously not well-versed in dinosaur biology but I’m pretty sure dinos didn’t grow that fast from what studying I HAVE done.  And why is he suddenly king now?  Did his parents die?  He seems not affected by this at all?  Like it’s a funny scene with him, Fox, and Krystal, but it’s odd if you really look at it.  Give us, as players, more context because I’m still not even sure what happened to make Tricky suddenly the leader and... big.  As a note, you’re gonna hear me gripe a lot about the Sauria level in this post.

- The Star Wolf + Peppy sacrifice is a low effort way to raise tension/stakes and then cop out.  Oldest trick in the book, imo, is to act like you’re going to kill off important characters only for them to be alive miraculously.  And let’s face it, as an audience we all know they aren’t going to kill those characters because it’s Nintendo and those characters are too beloved.  I would’ve forgiven them for only doing this with Peppy or Star Wolf, but when you tack them both together and throw in the fact they make it seem like you’re going to have to kill General Pepper too... yeah, it’s just a bit much of the same trope over and over again.  I wanted to put a note in here about how I’m fine with the Great Fox being “sacrificed” but overall, it needed to return to the series because of it’s icon status, but I think that’s more of a gripe at Command instead of Assault.

- Keep Pigma alive.  This will conflict with a point I have later on about the game consistently having characters cheat death for easy drama points but with Pigma, I would’ve kept him fully alive... but maybe with some physical damage from the aparoids.  I understand he’s semi-alive in Command and tbh I don’t know where I stand on that.  Why keep Pigma alive, you might ask?  I feel like his character has a lot more potential than being “just the greedy guy”.  Like he’s got good potential future villain material for future games and... if I’m honest?  I just don’t see Nintendo wanting to keep Pigma dead so why even bother killing him off?  They couldn’t even commit to him being dead in Command anyways so it seems very moot.

- Bring Bill and Katt back.  Assault is acts a bit like a big reunion of all of our SF64 favorites but our two favorite side characters are suspiciously missing.  Wouldn’t Bill be out on the front lines fighting against Andrew in the beginning?  Or maybe back in Katina?  And wouldn’t Katt inevitably show up in the midst of the invasion, maybe to pointedly check in on Falco?

- Bring Andrew back for the final fight. I think Andrew being defeated early into the game is fine overall but I think bringing him back in for a reunion final fight against the aparoids would serve to really solidify that it’s really everyone vs the invading aparoid force.  It would show that not only is Star Wolf willing to put aside their differences but so is basically everyone in the Lylat System in the name of survival.  Imagine the Venomians and Cornerians working together against an aparoid fleet, giving Star Fox and Star Wolf time to attack the queen?  I just think it’d be neat and it’d open up the potential for some fun banter mid-mission.  I do understand that quite a few people consider Andrew canonically dead after Assault but personally, I feel that his defeat left his fate questionable (I’m a staunch believer that unless there’s a body, they’re probably alive, especially for Nintendo games because, again, they never like to kill people off) so him returning in Command never really bothered me.  

- In general, reconsider some of the character portrayals.  Unfortunately, when a series has a different studio for each game, character portrayals will inevitably have inconsistencies.  While I give Namco a lot of credit for putting in oodles and oodles of detail into the game (particularly the levels), I think they failed in their portrayal of Fox, at the least, and Wolf is a considerable offender as well.  While it’s obvious that Fox in Adventures was effectively modeled off of Sabre even in terms of personality, Rareware was at least able to justify Fox’s newfound jaded attitude with the passing of many years and a distinct lack of steady income, resulting in the team being in disarray.  Assault’s Fox is a stark contrast to his cynical interpretation with seemingly no explanation other than maybe “Oh, I have more money and a gf, maybe I should behave myself”.  As if the sudden change in personality wasn’t random, Fox also just seems very blah, like a blank slate stereotypical shooter game protagonist dude with little to no emotion.  Wolf is less obvious but gets slated into a mentor-like role midway through the game and ends up in a respectful rivalry with Fox... which there’s nothing inherently wrong with that except for it happening abruptly (and, I mean, Peppy is right there).  But I take less issue with this and more of an issue with the fact that there’s an entire level establishing that Wolf now runs a crime den with effectively what seems to be an army and no one bats an eye at this.  He doesn’t even call on them to help with the aparoids.  Did they all die when the aparoids attacked Meteo?  Are they safe somewhere else?  Where do they go?  How was Sargasso able to operate without the CDF being on their doorstep with warrants for arrests?

- Don’t kill all the dinosaurs.  A bit of a dramatic statement but the ending screen that showed all the damage to Sauria really bothered me.  While I understand that the dinosaurs had less of a chance against the aparoids than a more technology-focused society like Corneria, I was a bit disappointed that the decision was made to just state that a lot of tribes had been wiped out.  I know this could easily be retconned in a future game and I feel like it should be.  “But why, Amalia?  Why are you disappointed by that?”  1) It’s a little too grimdark for my tastes.  2) The fact it all happened off-screen felt very hand-wavy.  And 3) It brings into question the entire point of Adventures.  Why did we bother to save this planet if it was going to be reduced to rubble and ash 1 year later?  Where were the Krazoa in all of this?  Why did they not make an appearance at all to try to stop the invasion with their alleged powers?  It just raises too many weird questions and I feel like Namco didn’t think it through too much.  Which I mean, sure.  Family, kiddo game.  I’m not asking for bigbrain plot and lore but I’m squinting at this bit because it does feel very contrary to the lore from the previous game.

- Make the aparoids more relevant.  As nice as it is to have a random bad guy from another galaxy, I feel like there was more that could be done with the aparoids in terms of their origins.  Tiny things, mind you, not huge revelations.  Off the top of my head, they could have been tied into Krystal’s backstory to help alleviate some of the complaints that she was too random to be added to the series’ main cast.  Alternatively, they could have been a product of Andross or even a weapon prototype from Corneria that fled the lab (I actually thought the game was leaning in that direction for a bit then just Nothing Happened).  I get that the vagueness of their origins leaves room for people to speculate and speculation is nice but... when you leave too many things unknown, it starts to feel less like giving fans room to interpret and more like just doing random things for the sake of it.  I think a lore tidbit here or there would work wonders for the aparoids instead of leaving them as just borg/zerg clones.

Level-Based Changes

- Add either Aparoid RedEye or Aparoid General Scales as a boss to Sauria.  Given that this level mysteriously lacks a boss, which is just weird compared to the other levels, I think that they had the opportunity to add something cool to go along with the cinematic feel they were going for with Assault.  Assault’s cutscenes do play in a movie-like fashion and it’s clear they’re trying to make the game as epic as possible.  It’s a shame they had so much fodder for a great boss here but they failed to go through with it.  Alternatively: Add a Krazoa-Aparoid fusion.  Why?  Because Star Fox is about cool epic sci-fi and that would be cool epic sci-fi incarnate.

- Add a boss to the Aparoid Homeworld Level, aka the penultimate level.  Another one I felt was personally weird that there was no “final defense system” to challenge the team.  Would be cool to do an aerial battle over the aparoid planet with some giant flying aparoid.

- Be kinder to Sauria.  The level had some good homages but overall was incredibly small and incredibly short.  It felt like a bone tossed to Adventures fans but was not entirely true to the setting built by Rareware.  I’m... not even sure where the Sauria level is supposed to take place?  I presume it’s Walled City but it doesn’t really have the same color scheme or aesthetic?  Also where is my revised Adventures music?  Why do all the other levels get it but Sauria doesn’t? 

- Put some of those funky items from the multiplayer into the main campaign.  I don’t know why some of these things, items especially, were omitted unless it was purely due to time constraints.  I remember having missile launchers and jetpacks in the multiplayer and was a bit sad that they were not in the main campaign.  Retuning the levels and adding those in would be a nice breath of fresh air for the more tedious on-foot missions.

- More levels.  Self-explanatory.  Still sad we didn’t get the Zoness or Titania levels in the single-player mode.  

I think all of the above changes would improve the game, though I recognize all of this is being said 16 years later after lots of time to contemplate Assault’s weaker points.  I’m not entirely certain how long Star Fox Assault took to develop but given that there’s obviously quite a bit scrapped from the game (an entire arcade mode was scrapped as well), I’m going to assume that the studio felt pressured to shove the game out the door and into the hands of customers.  It’s a shame, really, because I think a little bit longer in the oven would have done a lot of good.  Still, the product we got was good in its own right and a game that many people look back on fondly.  I haven’t gotten to replay it in years but I hope to quite soon.

You might wonder why I bothered typing this all out and I guess my point was this-- Assault was great but it wasn’t perfect, and while a lot of other games fall under a crushing amount of scrutiny, Assault seems to dodge it.  And don’t get me wrong-- I adore Assault.  But given that not many takes exist out there about rewriting it, I decided to give it a shot.  For variety’s sake.  

I do want to a mock up of a revised Assault story, which I think I will get to work on after completing this while all my ideas are still fresh in mind.  So stay tuned for that sometime in the near future.  I will also be doing my Adventures mock up at some point but probably not for a little bit as I do wanna focus some of my free time on actual fic-writing.

Anyways, if you stuck around this long, thank you for reading!  Have any changes you’d like to see to Assault if you could time machine your way back to the early 2000s?  Feel free to post in the comments, I’d love to read your ideas!

[deiliamedlini]

WIP Wednesday

I’ve mostly been just writing the newest pirate chapter that I posted yesterday (subtle plug hahaha), but this was what I was working on just before. This is from the same fic as this WIP Wednesday. I don’t want to post this one yet because it still kind of sucks (like this, which is not edited at all), so I’m still fixing everything I have so far before actually posting. But today isn’t called Post a Fic Wednesday, it’s called WIP Wednesday, and this is a WIP!

Essentially, Link is tasked with training Zelda to defend herself after a series of Yiga attacks on her life. After some time, they’ve become good friends. She has him come to her room for lessons she doesn’t want ‘on the record’ basically, which is why Link is chilling in her room in this section. Totally not to make things unnecessarily dramatic.

~~~

When Link arrived that night, Zelda wasn’t in her room. He poked around for a moment just to make sure, and then relented to sit on her bed to wait for her, setting down his belt on the chest at the foot of her bed as he always did.

It was unusual that she wasn’t there. However, for the past several days, he’d been finding her waiting for him at the window, usually watching him scale the building with a look that betrayed her awe and her horror.

By her bedside were notebooks and tombs, all with marked pages. They ranged from geography, to biology. His hand reached out to take a book about plants, but he heard footsteps in the hall, followed by the booming voice of King Rhoam.

“Shit,” he muttered, looking around quickly before he slid into the closet just as Zelda’s door opened.

“—with the new treaty. I think that would be useful.”

“Yes,” Zelda agreed, softer than her father. “I think that would work, but we’d have to find a way to incorporate the Gerudo as well. Urbosa is instrumental, and I don’t believe we should keep her out.”

“That’s favoritism.”

“That’s being practical,” she challenged.

Rhoam chuckled. “You are learning well, Zelda. We will contact Urbosa immediately to inform her and see her position.”

“Thank you.”

“Well,” Rhoam said, “I’m going to head to bed now. Is there anything you need, or are you all set?”

“I’m fine; thank you.”

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” he said wistfully.

“Since the Yiga attack? Yes, quite a while.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been as attentive.”

“No, but it’s really okay. I know the thought is there.”

There was the sound of rustling fabric that Link assumed was Rhoam hugging Zelda.

Then, “What’s that?”

Link peeked his head out to see what the king meant, and when he saw his belt still on Zelda’s trunk, he groaned as quietly as possible.

Zelda was fast, though. Her eyes darted around, looking for him, but she simply tsked, a lie springing to her lips far too easily. “It’s Link’s. He left it after we trained, and I didn’t feel like searching for him afterwards, so I just brought it back with me. I’m going to return it in the morning.”

“Ah,” Rhoam said, picking it up. “You should have gotten it back to him immediately. Looks like there’s some stuff he needs on here. I’m surprised he didn’t seek you out.”

Zelda swallowed and shrugged. “He’s diligent. Maybe he didn’t want to leave his post. Or he has spares. Or, most likely, he knew I’d just return it in the morning.”

“Hrmm, true.” Rhoam examined one of the daggers. “You should keep it in your wardrobe rather than laying around. What if someone did manage to get in here? A Yiga, or some other threat? Then you’ve just left a whole arsenal at the foot of your bed.”

“Then I’d just have weapons at my disposal to defend myself.” Zelda took it and made her way to her closet. “But I understand your point, father. You’re paranoid but—” Zelda yelped in surprise at the sight of Link innocently standing hidden in the closet, his head between two of her dresses.

“Zelda?” her father asked, hurriedly turning to her. “What is it?”

With a quick motion, Zelda pulled the dagger out just a bit and slid her thumb along it.

She turned to Rhoam with a light stream of blood moving down her wrist. “I cut myself. Don’t worry.” Handing Link his belt, as if she were hanging it up, she closed the door, giving him an exasperated look as she did.

Rhoam bit his lip nervously and handed her a nearby cloth. “Good thing you two haven’t covered blades yet. Make sure Link gives you all the safety protocols first. We don’t want that to happen on a larger scale.”

“Yes, father. I know.”

“Need any help with that, or are you all set?”

“I’m just going to wash it out. It’s fine, but thank you.”

“Okay then. Goodnight, Zelda. May the Goddess watch over your sleep.”

“Goodnight, father.”

Rhoam looked her over one more time before closing the door behind him with a tell-tale thud.

Zelda breathed out a sigh of relief. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

Stepping out of the closet, Link grinned at her and tossed his belt right back onto the chest at the foot of her bed. “You were late.”

“I’m the Princess of Hyrule. I’m not late.”

“Terrible logic,” he said, snorting. But he grabbed a wash basin and brought it to her.

“Thanks.”

He watched her dip her hand into the water and flinch as it lapped over her wound. Resisting the urge to help her, he grabbed the top book from her pile instead.

“No, wait!” Zelda said, crossing the room quickly to try to snatch the book from him, hand dripping still.

“Plants and Horticulture of Hyrule Field.” He raised his eyebrow and flipped to her bookmark. “Are you planning to start a gard—oh!” A grin spread over his face as he read the words on the page. “Guardian technology? Hoarding your blasphemous texts, are we? Are you going to start tinkering with them again?”

“You know I’m not allowed to, so give it back!” Zelda burned red and grabbed his arm to try to pull at him, but with one hand, it was a losing fight. Still, she tried feebly, knowing he’d already seen it, so there wasn’t much reason to really fight anyway. It wasn’t as if he was going to rat her out either. She was simply at the mercy of his teasing for a few moments.

“How did you even get ahold of this?” he chuckled, turning the page at random as his eyes scanned over the words. “Isn’t half of this stuff forbidden to be this close to the castle?”

But they both answered at once, the obvious answer hitting him immediately as Zelda was ready to confess: “Purah.”

This time, Zelda just crossed her arms. “I wanted to… experiment. So, I have a fake cover on it in case someone nosey decides to grab the book! You know my father is paranoid.”

“I do know that.”

“It’s just harmless fun!” she said, still feeling the need to defend herself and her thick tomb. “I’m never allowed to have fun, especially with the books they make me read. I want to read about the blast radius the Guardians have while powered by a massive ancient core! And I want to know the components of a Sheikah slate, so, so badly. My father won’t let me do any of it. I just want to read something that isn’t so political!”

Link hummed and nodded. “That’s true. Those books are the worst. My favorite was, gods, what was it called? An Economic History of the Merchant’s Guild of Hyrule. That’s the one that only spit out rupee facts that you kept telling me, right?”

She blushed a bit more fiercely this time at the level of attention Link had paid her without her realizing, and she pushed him by the arm. “Okay, get out.”

He watched her turn redder by the minute and turned back to her to tap his fingers against the hardcover book tucked in her arms. “You know I’m not making fun of you, right? I think it’s admirable how much you prepare.”

Letting out a breath, she threw herself back onto the bed and slammed her book into her forehead with a groan.

Link chuckled and pried the book from her hands. “I’m serious. You’ll make a good queen.”

Her eyes suddenly darted up to his. She wasn’t sure she’d ever heard anyone tell her that, except maybe her father during her moments of absolute despair when he knew she needed to be cheered up.

Flipping the pages of the Guardian text, Link narrowed his eyes, flipped another page, glanced at her, and then flipped the page again. He waved the book in front of her face. “You wonder why the Goddess doesn’t like you; it’s because you write in your books. Ink is permanent you know.”

She ripped the book from his hand and hit him in the arm with it, doing her best not to let her laugh at his jab break through her angry façade. “I’m aware.”

Watching a drop of blood trail down her finger, Link reached out and cupped her hand in his just before the long trail dropped onto the page. “That’ll stain almost as much as ink. You should wrap that up.”

Zelda let him lead her back to the water, keeping the blood in his hand until they were safe. He dipped his hands in first and shook them out, noticing that there was only one rag.

“Thank you.”

“You really shouldn’t have done that, you know,” Link said, watching the water turn redder.

“I had to think fast, okay? Try ‘thank you for not letting me get caught in your closet, Zelda.’ If I can do it, so can you.”

“Fine. Thank you. I appreciate you covering for me, but you didn’t have to injure yourself to cause an appropriate distraction.”

“You’re so annoying,” she breathed. “End it at ‘thank you.’”

“Why do you put up with me?” Link laughed, handing her the rag.

She wrapped it around her finger, letting the wound clot. “Because.”

“Because--?”

“Because. Because I just do.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Fine. Because I think you’re amusing. Whether that’s a good thing or not is dependent on the situation.”

Link grinned softly, barely noticeable in anything but his eyes.

Zelda watched him, content in their mutual silence.

But even that had to end.

After her cut had stopped bleeding, Zelda pointed to the empty space in the room. “Okay. Get on the ground.”

“Demands, demands, Princess.”

[figonas]

Twilight Re-watch Notes Pt. 1 - A Contest for the Worst Movie Quote in History

I'd like to think I'm funny so please enjoy my scene-by-scene notes from a recent Twilight Saga re-watch.

Hey Catherine Hardwicke, opening with the death of an animal was probably not the best choice but go off I guess??

There is a lot of general Bella awkwardness that I'm skipping over here but the scene in gym class is so horrifically, painfully uncomfortable that I almost passed out from the second-hand embarrassment.

Jessica trying her best to be fake nice to the human embodiment of a crumpled soda can: "Aren't people from Arizona like....really tan"

Bella with all the cadence of a child who just found out Santa isn't real: "yeah..I guess that's why they kicked me out"

Mike clearly just trying to get his dick wet: "HAHAH you are funny"

no mike she is not.

I'm not gonna go into the biology class scene because god knows tumblr has beaten that particular horse to death. BUT the scene in the administration office immediately after that is a TRIP. Edward has one of his most dramatic lines here when they won't let him switch classes: “I’ll just have to endure it” ?!?!?!?!?!?! This is INSANITY, he sounds like he's going to burst into tears like Edward please chill you aren't even being a little subtle.

I will never get over Bella trying to put Ketchup on her burger and then just???? giving up???? when it doesn't come out after she limply shakes it approximately once.

“HOW YOU LIKIN DA RAIN GIRL” Is our first contender for the worst and most unnatural line in movie history, and trust me there are plenty more.

Bella accusatorily saying “you were gone” to Edward as if this dude who she met for approximately 30 minutes 2 weeks ago owes her even a PALTRTY SCRAP of an explanation about anything???????

Actually, this whole scene is a horrific nightmare of awkward intrusive conversation:

“You’re asking me about the weather” HOE WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GONNA TALK ABOUT YOU DON’T KNOW EACH OTHER

“hey did you get contacts” WHO JUST ASKS THAT?!?

and of course; “it’s the fluorescents” [RUNS AWAY]

Charlie and Bella have the only organic-sounding dialogue in the entire movie. Any awkwardness they have is BELIEVABLE father-daughter awkwardness and not like "I'm being forced to film this against my will" awkwardness like every other exchange in this film series.

Bella asks Edward ALL OF ONCE about him saving her from the truck and Edward gets so haughty and smug thinking that Bella won't figure it out

“you’re not gonna let this go are you?” “no” “then I hope you enjoy disappointment” [storms off] MY DUDE LITERALLY 2 SCENES LATER SHE FIGURES IT OUT IN 3 GOOGLE CLICKS

“I had an adrenaline rush, it’s very common you can google it” contender number two for the terrible dialogue award.

Edward saying “if you were smart you would stay away from me” AFTER HE APPROACHED HER LIKE FUCK OFF [skeleton throwing its own skull gif]

Kstew got a lot of flack for her performance in this movie but when she has a good partner to exchange lines with she SHINES. The scene with Angela and her at the beach where she tells her to ask Eric to prom is GOOD. EVERY scene with Charlie in THIS ENTIRE FRANCHISE is GOOD. It is nothing but pure misogyny that Rpatz didn’t catch any flack for his truly, horrifically awkward performance

I cannot believe Stephanie thought it would be a good idea to have Edward save Bella from potentially getting gang r*ped like I get it girl is about the drama but still this is just a TOOOUCH too far

“your hand is so cold,” WHO SAYS THIS TO SOMEONE THEY BARELY KNOW COMPLETELY UNPROMPTED???

SHE TRIES TO REFUSE CARRYING BEAR MACE WHEN SHE WAS ALMOST R*PED NOT 4 HOURS PREVIOUSLY LIKE SIS CARRY A KNIFE?!?!?!?!?

The “you’re impossibly fast & strong” monologue is so bad I want to barf

“I’ve killed people before” “doesn’t matter” BITCH YES IT DOES WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

“MY OWN PERSONAL BRAND OF HEROIN” IS SO BAD. Like we all recognize how bad this is right? Especially when one considered the target demographic for these films, i.e. teenage girls, have NO FUCKING FRAME OF REFERENCE FOR THIS WHAT.SO.EVER.

“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb” YOU’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR ALL OF 3 SECONDS I CAN’T WITH Y'ALL. AT LEAST THE BOOK HAD SOME BUILD-UP JESUS GEEZUS

Who thought this meadow scene was a good idea, they need to be sent straight to hell. WHY ARE THEY LAYING DOWN LIKE, SIT MAYBE?????? IT’S SO WEIRD AND UNNATURAL THEY LOOK LIKE DOLLS I HATE IT

The scene where they get out of the car and Edward puts his arm around Bella while Spotlight by Mutemath plays in the background is TOP TIER teen drama bs and I love it. Far and away the best shot in the movie apart from The Baseball Scene(TM).

I will never get over the fact that Edward's bitch ass rats Bella out for already eating when she comes over to meet his family. BE FUCKING COOL EDWARD FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, GOD!!!

Esme is too pure for this world I can’t deal with her, & Emmet waving the knife is my favorite thing in all 5 of these movies

Why tf are Alice and Jasper fucking off doing god knows what in a tree and not helping with dinner like everyone else? Y'all ain't special even Rosalie is helping

Esme talking to Rosalie “Clean this up..now” I LOVE YOU BE MY MOM

Earlier they talk about the fact that vampires don’t sleep BUT the first thing Bella says when she walks into Edward's room is “no bed” girl we know what you after you ain't slick.....

WHAT IS THIS DANCING SCENE IN HIS BEDROOM IT’S HORRIBLE TO WATCH and I want to find whoever thought “well I could always make you” was a good line for Edward to say and slap them directly in the mouth.

“hold on tight spider monkey” excuse me while I VOMIT

Mike offering his opinion on Bella dating Edward HOWEVER justified is automatically invalidated by A. his own romantic interest in Bella and B. the fact that he has also know Bella for all of 10 minutes & has no bearing on her personal life whatsoever

THE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS THIS MAN HAS BEEN COMING INTO HER ROOM AND WATCHING HER SLEEP THIS IS RED FLAG CITY LIKE BELLA WATCH A TRUE CRIME DOCUMENTARY OR READ THE NEWS FOR FUCKS SAKE

THIS FRANCHISE HAS THE MOST HORRIBLE KISSING SCENES IN MOVIE HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN HEAR LITERALLY EVERY BREATH, EVERY AWKWARD PRESS OF LIPS. You're telling me THIS was the best take of this???? CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW AWKWARD THIS WAS TO FILM

The whole scene when Bella is telling her dad about her date with Edward is absolutely god tier. Charlie snapping the barrel of the shotgun closed, him motioning that he has a halo on, asking her if she still has her pepper spray. BILLY BURKE LIFTED THIS MOVIE UP AND TRIED SO HARD TO CARRY IT ON HIS BROAD, MUSTACHIOED DAD SHOULDERS, WE STAN

WHERE TO START WITH THE BASEBALL SCENE:

Supermassive Black Hole in the background, Alice going AWF with her pitching, Rosalie getting all pissed when Bella says she's out and Emmett yells "c'mon babe it's just a game" like the puppy dog of a person (vampire?) he is, CARLISLE WEARING A SCARF WHILE PLAYING BASEBALL, I WILL NEVER EMOTIONALLY RECOVER FROM JASPERS BAT TRICKS, EMMET AND EDWARDS LAUGH AFTER CRASHING INTO ONE ANOTHER.

A TRULY IMMACULATE MOVIE SCENE. This scene isn’t long enough

“My monkey man” might be the worst line in this movie, I’m so torn between which one is the worst. Also, I'm just now realizing that this is the second time someone has compared a loved one to some type of monkey and I really don't like it.

Bella's defeated “I can’t hurt him” breaks my heart every time. AND FUCKING BILLY BURKE pulling out his acting chops with Charlie’s poor little broken sounding “I know I’m not that much fun to be around we can do more stuff together” & “I just gotcha back” LIKE LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE HURTS ME ON A PHYSICAL LEVEL AND I AM ENTITLED TO FINANCIAL COMPENSATION

I know I've skipped over a lot but it's just a lot of like star wipe level montage of nonsense, so we are mOVING ON to what is possibly the biggest plot hole I've never recognized before now: How in the hell was James planning on luring Bella out if he didn’t find that videotape of Bella's mom looking for her????? Or was he just going to bust up in the holiday inn, metaphorical guns blazing & toss Bella out a window???

This fight scene between James & Edward is VERY poorly choreographed and you can practically see the stunt wires pulling on their clothes but no one is surprised..this is Twilight after all.

Who the fuck starts the fire in the ballet studio if Carlisle & Edward are with Bella, Jasper and Emmet are holding James's arms and Alice is ripping his head off???? Esme and Rosalie aren't there so the only explanation is that Emmett's power Stephanie never told us about is his ability to start small, controlled, indoor bonfires with his mind.

If Bella was losing blood from her femoral artery it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that she would have been cognizant enough to tell them her hand was burning + THERE’S A BIG ASS BITE HOW DID THEY MISS IT???

Let Me Sign is such a good fucking song. Actually, while we're on music every song on every Twilight Saga soundtrack SLAPS. At least 1 department at Summit Entertainment was staffed with competent people. (side note, why the fuck do I know the studio by name that made this movie. I need to go lie down)

Bella acting a damn fool in the hospital bed like clingy much

CHARLIE IS SUCH A GOOD DAD FUCK!

The Edward/Jacob beef is so dramatic at prom can you both chill for 5 minutes we haven't even gotten to y'alls bullshit yet that's not until New Moon.

Bella really thought this mfer was gonna turn her at prom in the middle of the dancefloor??????????

Flightless Bird American Mouth. That's it, that's the bullet point

Victoria coming to prom, like we stan a dramatic bitch.

I will almost CERTAINLY post my New Moon (Extended Edition) notes in a few days. & yes I do have notes on the entire franchise.

[another-om-mc]

I know exactly what ABO is! Holy crap! Either 18 for MC/Mammon or 69 for Lucifer/MC? That seems fun!

mmmmmmmmmexcuse the angst but I did both >.>

To be honest, I had a clue what was going on, but I still wanted to confirm it for myself. I knew from the biology class here that Demons had a heat cycle, and that different demon tiers had different status; that I mostly understood. What I wanted to confirm was that Mammon was actually in a rut and not just wigged out for some dumb reason. He’d avoided me for two whole days, a record for him. His brothers either didn’t react to his behavior at all, or snickered about it not exactly behind his back. That alone irritated me.

I saw him round the corner and inter the common room and jumped on the chance to get him, “Mamo-”

“No.” He cut me off and speed walked back out of the room.

It was so sudden I had to process for a second before jumping up and chasing him down, “Hey! No, don’t do this.” It might have come out a little angrier than intended but I also was a little angrier than intended. I grabbed his jacket sleeve and held hard when he went to yank away from me.

Then he growled.

A Real Growl.

I let go and he stalked off; I didn’t know what to do in that situation.

I sat in my usual spot for dinner, Beel and Shan had cooked tonight so half of it was take out and the other half a complete eclectic jumble of foods. Some I could recognize as humans and others not. Usually an interesting night in itself, but right now I was more interested in the table gossip.

“Have you ever seen him so pent up?” “Honestly, he should just buy a service like a normal Demon.” “Usually he’s got options, I don’t think he’s even realized its an option.” “Lol, Stupid Mammon.”

I was already mid eye roll when Lucifer spoke up and gathered everyone’s attention, and disagreement it seemed, “Mammon knows exactly what hes doing.”

It was so strange to see Lucifer give any sort of credit. Color me impressed… or intrigued.

I hadn’t gotten up then, not wanting an audience to know what I was sure to do, but I did go straight to Mammon’s room once I heard a sufficient amount of snoring. He locked his door, which was unusual for him, but he had also taught me how to pick them. The ones in this house weren’t even particularly hard either; I assume because every one gave up trying to out smart him.

It was pitch black inside, even before I closed the door behind myself. Usually there was something playing on the projector, or the lights from the speakers just idly on; but now there was nothing. The term “into the jaws of the beast” came to mind.

“Mammon?” I whispered, confidence in my choice dwindling by the baited second.

“The door was locked.” I jumped at the growl of words, but at least now I knew where he was. If vaguely.

I tried in vain to see through the pitch blackness towards where his voice was, “You taught me how to pick it.” I offered back.

I could smell him, he had to be right in front of my and still I couldn’t see; it brought me closer to fear than I had been around him since…. Well, ever. Mammon had never scared me, and I couldn’t even call this fear, but it was very well nearing it.

“If you don’t want me to breed you, lock yourself in your bedroom.”

…

“I….” I what? I know? I wanna see? I wanna learn more about it? Help? Breed?

I took in a deep breath to steady what ever it is I would end up saying and if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear I could smell the heat on him. “I dare you.”

__________________________________________

If there was one thing I had figured out, it was that demons had a sense of smell that was uniquely their own. They could smell such minute things it was almost infuriating. So I know he could smell how pissed I was. Heat was a thing I had more or less figured out; who couldn’t really. It was pretty straight forward other than throwing a human into the mix who was essentially scent blind.

I know for a fact they can also smell a claim, so why wouldn’t he leave me alone.

All day Lucifer had stared me down, and I could just feel the burning from his eyes on the back of my neck while I attempted to study for my test. It really wasn’t happening, I couldn’t even attempt to focus with him staring at me over his own book. I wanted to call Mammon, and get a quick escape, but it hadn’t really worked the first two times I wanted to. It just ended up in screaming matches and now he was conveniently in punishment and there was nothing I could actually do about it.

I could study in my room, but I thought since Lucifer had a meeting today, he wouldn’t be here and I would be free to actually get something done. That didn’t happen. The meeting either wasn’t very important, or he had rushed it, because I only got through two chapters. I actually even thought about calling for Belphigor in hopes that maybe he would hate Lucifer enough to break out and possibly save me from him if he decided to try anything, but I didn’t have high hopes for it.

I clapped my book shut in my hand and leveled my glare with his, “Is subtlety lost in your kind?” It was more like a snarl than actual words, and even my eyes stung at the strain of the strength of the glare I gave.

“So you are aware.” That you’re a jack ass? Yeah. I’m so very aware. Lucifer rose from his seat, book and papers set aside and quickly forgotten as he attempted to make his way towards me. I was not just going to sit there and take it though, and quickly rose to my own feet and tried to think of any spell that would help me in a quick get away. I already knew staying and fighting him would mean a loss on my end. Multiple losses. I swiveled myself to be behind the sofa I had previously sat on, work abandoned. It could be retrieved later.

“I could use your help you know.” I hated how he said that. It wasn’t just the normal smugness, it was the absolute threat behind it, thinly veiled as it was. This man couldn’t say three words with out threatening any one around him. No wonder he fell.

“Just because of what I am doesn’t mean I’ll submit to just any alpha” My teeth in comparison to his weren’t menacing at all, but still I bared them, hoping he would just back off for once. But no, never the Avatar of Pride. I don’t think there is anything other than his pact with Diavolo that would make him set aside his pride and fold.

“Rigescunt Indutae!” I ran, didn’t matter what room I ran to, just to long as it had a lock. Maybe to Satan would be the best bet.

[cyanogastra]

Did you know male cats have spines on their dicks?

Read on: AO3

"Do you have spines on your dick?"

He tries very hard to maintain a straight face as the jinko lifts his head slowly, revealing a very confused expression.

“What?” Atsushi blurts out, eyebrows pulling downward in bewilderment. “Why would you even—where did you even get that idea?”

Or: Akutagawa just really, really wants them to move to third base. He resorts to using a weird biological fact against Atsushi.

Starting note:

Hey guys. Biology student here. 100% not inventing this shit up. Male felines have dick spines because for some reason the females don't ovulate without getting their VJs shredded, which is why they're so fucking loud when having sex. That's a dramatized answer, but you get the point.

Akutagawa will be calling Atsushi "jinko" a lot in this fic, because imo I don't think Akutagawa refers to him using his real name even when it's just on his mind. They would have to be on Level 20 of romantic relationship before Akutagawa finally calls him by name. Not that you don't guys probably already know, but jinko = weretiger.

---

Fun fact: Did you know male cats have spines on their penises?

Akutagawa’s thumb freezes on his phone screen. He very nearly barks out a laugh which he hastily covers up by clearing his throat. Higuchi looks at him in question, looking ready to ask him the reason but Akutagawa just gives her a shake of his head.

Barbed penises? That’s interesting. He thinks to himself as he scrolls down, amused by the new discovery. There’s really only one person in mind who counts somewhat as a feline, and it’s none other than the jinko.

The jinko, whom he has been having an interesting relationship lately.

The arrangement Dazai set for them had been highly appalling at first, but no one can deny that they were indeed more powerful together. Which somehow led to the Port Mafia and the Armed Detective Agency's cooperative relationship, for the first time ever. And by "cooperative" it means that he and the jinko don’t attempt to kill each other every meeting and are willing enough to work together (reluctantly) on joint missions.

Which then further led to this and that. Heated arguments turned to annoyed banters, which turned to almost comfortable silences.

Which then turned to fierce make-out sessions, apparently. Post mission make-out sessions and grinding against each other in back alleys, specifically.

It is incredibly absurd, he admits readily to himself. Absurd in the way that of all the people he’d be doing such things, it had to be jinko, the supposed object of his hatred. But also, it was absurd in that it had been so easy. It’s almost as a natural part of their relationship now, ending missions with the jinko stalking over to him and slotting their mouths together, shredded clothes and bloody overcoats be damned.

And well speaking of dick spines, he doubts that the jinko has them at all given their past excursions. But it would be a real problem if he actually did, though highly unlikely, because well…

It’s been 3 months and they still haven’t done anything on the down low. And Akutagawa is quickly becoming…impatient.

The scenery outside the car windows freezes in place, signalling their destination. Higuchi immediately fumbles to open the door to her side and rounds the car in record time to open Akutagawa’s.

“Senpai! We’re here!”

Akutagawa steps out of the black vehicle, trying very hard not to give Higuchi a full-on irritated face. He's always been annoyed Higuchi for her unnecessary actions, but he’s learned a long time ago that nothing he would say would ever faze her.

He gives their destination a cursory glance; a shipping dock near Osanbashi. Large enough to house multiple freights but small enough not to be considered as major, thereby making it perfect for contraband trade. One of these freight containers is not like the others.

“Senpai, Chuuya-san’s instructions were to either eliminate or capture the foreign syndicate’s ability users. We do not need to track down their upper brass as he thinks the Boss might make arrangements with their leader to be absorbed into the Port Mafia—”

“I know, Higuchi.” Akutagawa cuts her off firmly, trying to let her know that she does not need to reiterate everything to him every single damn time, he’s her superior for god’s sake. But all he gets is an enthusiastic “Yes! As expected from senpai!”.

He almost rolls his eyes, if not for the sudden cough that comes up from his chest. The sounds of his coughing were drowned out by the sound of another vehicle arriving on the scene. The car doors open, and out comes a bespectacled blond man sporting a ponytail, notebook in hand, and from the other side comes out…jinko.

Higuchi is immediately on guard beside him, but Akutagawa cracks up a smirk from behind the hand covering his mouth, gaze locked in with intense violet-yellow eyes.

---

“The Armed Detective Agency isn’t here to share your goal of eliminating the syndicate’s ability users. We are only here to gather intel about the syndicate’s top brass. We believe one of their leaders is connected to one of our ongoing cases.” Kunikida Doppo recites without looking up from his notebook, scribbling furiously with veins popping out on his forehead. “That damn Dazai messing up my schedule! The stupid bandage wasting machine was supposed to accompany Atsushi here but the idiot really chose this time to escape to god knows where…”

Akutagawa perks up at the mention of his former mentor’s name, surprised and crushed at the same time to know that he could have been here. If Dazai-san were here, I would have used this chance to finally prove myself worthy… Across him, Atsushi raises an eyebrow at his reaction to which Akutagawa pointedly ignores. Behind them, Higuchi is scanning the shipping dock with her binoculars.

“….anyway we don’t need your armed grunts to come rushing in.” Kunikida continues after his mini rant, gesturing to the multiple black cars parked around the vicinity. “I’d rather keep the element of surprise. And we do not have the slightest clue about the abilities of our opponents, which is worrying considering that the agency and the abilities division has nothing on record.”

“Hm. Pathetic.” Akutagawa grunts out. Kunikida’s eyebrow twitches, but he presses on.

“It is unfortunate. What we do know is that while the ability users are here guarding their cargo, their top brass is probably somewhere else. We will need to extricate information from one of their ability users regarding their leaders’ details. Will you be able to cooperate with us on that?”

“Do what you want. Just don’t get in my way.” Akutagawa replies, but he’s not looking at the blond man. Atsushi glares back, looking as if he wanted to say the same thing to him.

“Good. Okay, now here’s the plan…”

---

Suffice to say, the fight was greatly disappointing. The ability users turned out to be just two scared brothers, probably younger than 12. They were kidnapped by the syndicate from their family in Germany, and were given instructions to deter anyone who takes an interest on the cargo. The only action they got were the couple dozen of foreign armed goons who flanked the cargo ship, which was obviously a piece of cake for the combined prowess of Rashoumon and Beast Beneath the Moonlight.

The ability users weren’t even particularly troublesome; their ability, Grimm Fairytale could create grotesque versions of a person’s fantasies but only if both brothers were holding each of a target’s hands. Kunikida handled them well by addressing them gently, accompanied by some coaxing from Higuchi (a sight that was a bit disconcerting), and the brothers easily squealed their leaders’ details. Well as much as two scared children could possibly know, which was still apparently more than enough for one of the detectives in the agency to pinpoint the identities and locations of the syndicate's leaders.

“Okay. Alright. I’ll see you again at the office tomorrow. Yes. Take care, Kunikida-san!” Behind him, Atsushi ends his call. Higuchi had been forced to accompany the Grimm brothers, mostly because they wouldn’t let go of her pant legs. Akutagawa had waved her off, saying something about ordering her to accompany Kunikida to bring the children to a safehouse. He figures the mission counts as a success on Port Mafia’s end.

He feels an arm curl around his waist from behind, startling him mid-cough. He stiffens reflexively and he’s quick to clutch on the jinko’s forearm with both hands, nails digging into pale skin.

“You do that one more time and I will seriously kill you, jinko.”

Atsushi sighs, turning him around so they were face to face. “As if you haven't been doing that all this time." Atsushi mumbles, eyes not meeting Akutagawa's but rather at his lips. He leans in, and Akutagawa's eyes flutter closed.

They kiss languidly, arms around each other's waists, their similar heights providing them ease. Their tongues dance with no real rush, feeling completely relaxed in each other's embrace. Akutagawa notes something new every time they do this. How the jinko likes to pinch his hands on Akutagawa's waist, or how he likes it when he pulls at his bottom lip with his teeth. Atsushi pulls him flush to his chest, deepening their kiss and Akutagawa lets him, placing both hands on the jinko's shoulders-

Somewhere behind them, one of the goons groans in pain. They pull apart reluctantly, sharing one look before peeking behind to check for the source of the noise. Akutagawa briefly considers stabbing the goon with Rashoumon, if not for the hand that pushes at his shoulder.

"Let's just get out of here."

---

They're walking along a desolate street, which was unsurprising at this time of the night. Beside him, Atsushi is wearing his spare shoes, but his shirt was tattered on the sleeves, a consequence of his man-tiger form. What a highly incovenient ability, and yet Dazai-san thinks you are better...

He knows an alley is coming up ahead, having memorized all of Yokohama's ins and outs. He wastes no time to grab at the jinko's arm and pulls him there. Atsushi tries to close in on him, going for another kiss when Akutagawa beats him to it, pushing him against the wall.

They're rougher with each other this time, more biting and angry moans spilling from their mouths as they push and pull against each other. He pulls at the hair on the base of Atsushi's neck and pulls their faces away, teeth latching his mouth on the side of the jinko's neck.

"You know..." Atsushi starts to say in between shaky breaths. "I'm starting to think making out in dirty alleys is a kink of yours."

Akutagawa huffs at that and pulls away to glare at Atsushi, not liking the comment. "Why, jinko? You think you can bring me somewhere fancy?" Atsushi smiles, dumbfounding Akutagawa for a moment. His stomach definitely did not do a flip after seeing that expression targeted at him.

"Only if you're paying." Atsushi replies as he promptly wrapping his arms around Akutagawa's waist to change their position. He lets himself be maneuvered, the back of his head hitting the wall behind him gently. Atsushi nips at his ear before leaving feather-light kisses down his neck, which Akutagawa obligingly cranes to the side, a satisfied sigh coming out from his nose. Atsushi’s arms presses them closer, chest-to-chest, Akutagawa’s torso bending back slightly.

Their crotches rub at each other at the action, hard-ons rubbing ever so slightly and—

Speaking of hard-ons…

He's not sure what comes over to him, but he pushes slightly at Atsushi's shoulders.

“Jinko.” Akutagawa breathes out. Atsushi lets out a vaguely annoyed hum, lips still continuing their ministrations at his throat. Akutagawa blurts out the question anyway.

“Do you have spines on your dick?”

...

...

...

A few moments of silence pass by, Atsushi suddenly freezing from the open mouthed kiss he was leaving on Akutagawa’s neck.

He tries very hard to maintain a straight face as the jinko lifts his head slowly, revealing a very confused expression.

“What?” Atsushi blurts out, eyebrows pulling downward in bewilderment. “Why would you even—where did you even get that idea?” He says quickly, taking a small step backwards and giving his own crotch a glance before snapping up to meet Akutagawa’s deadpan expression.

“I read earlier that male cats have spines on their penises. Is that true for you?” Akutagawa replies easily, one corner of his mouth twitching up. Atsushi’s face instantly flushes a shade of pink in front of him, mouth falling open in shock.

“I am not a cat!” Atsushi splutters, to which Akutagawa just raises an (invisible) eyebrow at.

“Well I am…s-sort of, but no, I mean!” Atsushi’s hands flail around for a bit before continuing. “No, I don’t have them! Why would you think that?” He finishes off lamely, crossing his arms while glaring at the dark-haired man.

Akutagawa lets out a hmph, though he sounds more amused that annoyed. He gives the other an unconvinced expression to rile him up further. “How unfortunate. To think you’ve been living like this all this time. Pitiful and pathetic.”

“I really don’t! Seriously!" Atsushi replies heatedly, taking the bait. "I don’t understand why you’d think that when we’ve been doing…” Atsushi trails off, glancing away. The redness from his cheek has spread all the way to his ears, making him look equal parts ashamed and angry.

“Oh really, jinko?” Akutagawa replies challengingly, a new glint in his eyes. He’s met with a violet-yellow glare.

“Prove it then.”

Akutagawa watches his reaction, a self-satisfied smirk on his own face, knowing his words will do something to the jinko.

The effect was almost immediate. Atsushi grits his teeth in annoyance before closing in on Akutagawa’s space in a fit of embarrassed rage. The sudden movement forces Akutagawa to step back and crash into the wall behind him, bracing for an impromptu fight-

But then Atsushi grabs at his wrist and places his hand firmly on his crotch.

"S-so? why don’t you see for yourself?" Atsushi says, face a mere centimeters away from his own. The effect of his glare ruined by the blush on his cheeks. Akutagawa's mouth hangs open in surprise, eyes wide, trying to think of a reply to the jinko’s sudden boldness.

Nothing comes out. Slowly he absorbs the intent behind the jinko's move, moving his gaze downwards. He can’t see much other than the dark fabric of the jinko’s pants and his own pale hand.

He presses harder and rubs tentatively on the sizeable tent underneath his palm. Atsushi swallows audibly, eyes closing and mouth falling open in relief. His still hasn’t let up on his hold on Akutagawa’s wrist, hand curling a little tighter as he grinds back slightly.

Inwardly, Akutagawa could not believe his luck, biting his lower lip as he watches Atsushi use his wrist as leverage. To think that jinko finally pushed things forward between them… He leans forward to press a kiss on Atsushi’s jaw, letting the jinko grind himself on his palm.

“I don’t know about seeing, jinko…” He breathes out, the air from his mouth fanning Atsushi’s pale hair. “Since I’m only feeling you.” He says to the other's ear, giving him a particularly hard rub to make his point clear, making Atushi's breath hitch.

His other hand reaches up to rest on the jinko's belt buckle, trying to give him a hint. Atsushi gets it immediately, pulling away from his shoulder. His hands shake a bit as he fumbles at the metal, pulling off the leather and hastily popping the button on his trousers. Akutagawa watches him work, mouth getting dryer in anticipation. He pushes a hand up at Atsushi's shirt to see him more clearly, resting his hands on his navel and feeling the lean muscles underneath. Atsushi's hands come up to rest on Akutagawa's waist the moment he pops the button open.

As they stand there, underneath the pale half-moon, Atsushi's trousers gaping wide at the front, the very obvious tent on his boxers out in the open for Akutagawa to see, he can't help but think to himself: Fucking finally.

One of his hand plays at the hem of the jinko's boxers while the other cups his hard-on appreciatively. Atsushi lets out a shaky moan, hands moving to nudge Akutagawa's coat open to rest on Akutagawa's hips. He thumbs at the hem of the other's slacks, trying to tell him the same thing.

Akutagawa ignores the action for the time-being, his bony fingers hooking on the hem of the jinko's boxers and dragging it down slowly. Atsushi lets out a hiss as his dick pops out from his boxers, the chill night air hitting his sensitive skin. He hides his face on Akutagawa's shoulder to stifle his obvious embarrassment.

Akutagawa huffs amusedly. The jinko has nothing to be embarrassed about, he thinks as he wraps a hand around the shaft and presses his thumb on the slit, spreading the precum around the head. He notes the differences between them, how the jinko feels thicker than his own, although they are similar in length. The thought annoys him just a tiny bit, feeling more pleased and excited at the fact that they have finally reached this far. He digs his thumb harder on the slit, prompting a high-pitched keen from Atsushi.

"Jinko. Look at me." He says softly. Atsushi's head rises, shy violet-yellow eyes meeting Akutagawa's grey ones. He feels himself get lost in the jinko's gaze as he gives him slow strokes, watching in appreciation as Atsushi moans, back bowing slightly in pleasure.

Atsushi lets him stroke a couple times, his cock coating the other's hand with more precum. His eyes slide back to Akutagawa's still clothed erection, and he feels a small ruge of irritation. Gritting his teeth, he straightens up, fully intent on bringing the other man on the same level. He grasps on the other's hand to halt his movements. The other man complies, but the grip never leaves his cock.

"I want to see you too." Atsushi breathes out, tugging insistently on the other man's trousers. Akutagawa lets out a soft hmph, his other hand coming between them to pop his own button open one-handedly. He pulls the zipper down and moves to reach the hem of his briefs, but the jinko beats him to it. Atsushi eagerly yanks his underwear down and wastes no time to envelope Akutagawa's cock in his fist, prompting a grunt from the dark-haired man.

Atsushi stares, wide-eyed and pleased, giving the other a few experimental strokes. Akutagawa flushes despite himself, exhaling with relief and feeling delighted that the jinko likes what he sees. Don't stare like it's your first time to see one... He strokes Atushi again, this time with more speed, before the jinko could say something about their dicks.

"Ah! Damn it, Akutagawa..." Atsushi groans but mirrors the action, matching Akutagawa's pace. He leans in to suck at the area under Akutagawa's jaw and leaves a small mark, listening closely to the other man's soft mewls and gasps.

A hand comes up behind his head to pull at his hair, but not enough force to pull him away from leaving kisses on the other man's neck. He snakes a hand up underneath Akutagawa's shirt in response, thumb grazing over the indents of his ribs before finding a pert nub. He toys with it using his thumb, Akutagawa letting out a surprised moan at the action.

"You-ah...what do you think you're doing-ngh" Akutagawa sighs out in between moans, and Atsushi quickly becomes attached to the sound of the other man losing his composure. He toys harder on the nipple, liking the way Akutagawa bit his lip in pleasure. Akutagawa picks up the pace on Atsushi's cock in retaliation, determined to make the jinko unravel first. Atsushi groans, long and low by his ear, making him shiver from the back of his eyes and all the way down his back. Atsushi picks his pace up as well, at the same time he drives his tongue inside Akutagawa's open mouth.

The sound of slick sliding between their hands resounds through the alley, making Akutagawa feel both self-conscious and hot at the same time. He responds eagerly to the kiss, tongues moving together in a heated dance before pulling back to gasp for air. The sounds of his moans become louder, but he's too far gone in his pleasure to remember to keep his voice down.

"Akutagawa..ah..." Atsushi gasps his name in between breathy moans, his other arm reaching around Akutagawa to pull them closer. He wraps his hand tighter on the other man's cock and gives firmer strokes, his pace never letting up. Akutagawa's eyes pinch closed at the action and lets out a long keen from gritted teeth, and Atsushi very nearly comes from the sight. He holds himself back, determined to make the experience last a little longer. He leaves more kisses on Akutagawa's jaw, his neck, his collarbone, thoroughly enjoying the sounds coming out from their mouths and from the hands between them.

"I'm close...ah...are you too?" He says breathlessly, whispering directly to the other's ear. Akutagawa shivers and nods shakily, not trusting his own voice. Atsushi almost feels disappointed from the other's refusal to open his mouth, but he's distracted by Akutagawa covering his hand with his own, blunt fingernails digging on Atsushi's knuckles.

A few more hard strokes from the jinko's hand and the pleasure spikes all the way up for Akutagawa who throws his head back in bliss, a dull pain spreading from his head as he hits the wall behind him. He's moaning, long and drawn out, voice breaking with trembling lips. The sight triggers something in Atsushi, quickly forcing him to follow with his own orgasm mere seconds later. His groan is muffled as he bites particularly hard on Akutagawa's neck, eyes closed and his torso bowing so far forward into Akutagawa's chest that he bends him at an uncomfortable angle.

They catch their breath, hands coated by the other's cum. Atsushi adjusts so he's resting his head on Akutagawa's shoulder instead, aware of the strain he put on Akutagawa's back.  The other man lays flat on the wall, eyes still closed with gasping breaths falling out of his mouth.

After a few minutes of coming down from their high, Atsushi pulls back and steps away shakingly. Atsushi watches as Akutagawa tucks himself in and fishes for something in his coat pocket, pulling out a handkerchief which he wordlessly uses to wipe his hands clean of cum. Atsushi blushes at the sight and hastily tucks himself back in his boxers, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Akutagawa reaches for his hand the moment he pulls the button closed, using the same handkerchief to wipe off the mess. Atsushi mumbles out a small 'thanks' before moving to insert his belt back in the buckle, genuinely appreciative for the other man's initiative.

A small awkward silence fills the air as they both finish fixing themselves up. Atsushi fidgets on his feet, unsure of what to say after their tryst. Across him, Akutagawa feels pleased and relieved that they have finally done it.

"Well..." Akutagawa is the first to break the silence, letting out a small cough before continuing. "I guess I'm relieved to find out you don't have them."

Atsushi rolls his eyes, but there's a small smile on his face. He turns around to leave.

So the jinko doesn't have spines on his dick after all.

But that wasn't the point, really. Akutagawa thinks to himself, satisfied, before stepping out of the alley with the jinko.

---

Ending note:

Handjobs only lol. Mostly because I don’t think Akutagawa can give a blowjob without coughing every 10 seconds, which would have been a real mood killer.

Re:handkerchief. I just think Akutagawa is a neat guy, you know? And neat guys normally have hankies on them. Idk, it's probably the frilly blouse which made me think this way.

Grimm Brothers as in Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, who collected and wrote German fairytales including Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel, Snow White, and Cinderella. Plot twist? They’re actually VERY FAR from Disney’s versions, with many of their stories containing disturbing content. For some weird reason Disney decided to turn them into rainbows and sparkles.

This is the first fic for a trilogy I'm writing. Hehe. Oh and this is the first time I have written smut.  *finger guns* That's right, this is what 21 year old nerds do. I am proud of myself.

[sanderssideswriting]

Youtuber Life Chapter 4

Ships: familial sleepxiety and eventual Prinxiety

Words:???

triggers: attempted suicide mention

first  last  next

Summary: Remy Sanders is a famous beauty vlogger and just moved to LA with his teenage son Virgil after their location was leaked by fans. Remy AKA CoffeeAddiction has several million subscribers. Virgil also has a secret Drama channel, where he doesn’t show his face and uses a voice modifier. He just hit a million subs and grows more everyday because of the level of production his videos have, the mystery around who he is and the fact that he ALWAYS has the latest information regarding youtube drama.

“Welcome back to another episode of “the fuck did she say now? I have a DID drama update. I’ve been waiting awhile to gather information to do a long segment. Since she first came out about having DID which has been disproven time and time again she’s tried to make it more believable in the stupidest way possible. By reviewing Chick-Fil-A’s spicy chicken sandwich, five fucking times. I watched all those videos plus others to see if she’s trying to keep up the lie. She’s really not. I swear every time I have to give her my views to tell you all what’s going on I die a little inside.”

“Who are you talking about?”

“DAD! Read the fucking sign! I’m recording!”

“Are you talking about Trisha?”

“Yes dad, now let me tell them about her.”

“She’s a total bitch! I fucking hate her!”

“WE KNOW! Damn it, now I’m going to have to edit all this out.”

“I’ve been looking into DID. And it’s actually a very interesting topic, and I encourage everyone to learn more about it. There will be links to videos and article on DID in the description. DisociaDID has not been on social media very much since all of this. I know they attempted suicide. Not because of Trisha or atleast only partly. Nin the systems host was dating someone in another system called Team Piñata who was discovered to be doing some shit I will not mention because it’ll get demonetized. I actually feel really bad for they system, it seems like they have been going through a lot recently. Now for all the OTHER shit Trisha has said and done over the past few weeks.”

Virgil edited the video and posted it, making sure to edit out the bit where his dad interrupted him and called Trisha a bitch.

Roman texted him.

Roman: You’re a meme Virgil: I’m well aware, fucking Jake Paul Roman: I thought you hated the guy, why are you fucking him? Virgil: I’m so fucking done with you

“VIRGIL!”

Virgil rolled his eyes “What?”

“I have in idea for a video get your ass down here!”

Remy was in front of the camera “K, so what if I mixed all of my eyeshadow together into one?”

“First of all Cristine did that with nail powder and polish and Safiya did that already in one of her weird make up science videos. Second, scraping the eyeshadow would kill you to watch.”

“UGH! You’re right, what else could I do?”

“A Bob Ross painting on your face. you could use only drug store products for something,”

“Bob Ross painting with drugstore shit!”

Virgil shrugged “yeah sure, you could also get lip gloss mix it together and try to make something really fucking weird, or do that with gel polish”

“I refuse to touch lip gloss, it’s fucking gross.”

“Bob ross painting not on your faces with lip gloss and other lipsticks.”

Remy nodded “thanks Virgil, you’re helping my buy it later.”

“No, people at school could see me, you can order it,”

“that’s less fun though,”

Virgil rolled his eyes “fine dad, I just need to make sure that no one can recognize me.”

He was ready pretty fast, with a light brown wig and blue contacts he also had close that where black and purple reserved for the occasion.

“Hello everyone! We are in the car today at our local Walgreens because we’re going to be buying lipstick, lip gloss and lip liner to make a Bob Ross painting!” 

“Not on your face.”

“Not on my face, fuck lip gloss.”

“I wasn’t aware that was a kink or whatever.”

Remy glared at Virgil “smartass, you can walk home.”

“Gladly, I’ll be laughing when I see you trying to film and carry everything and talk and pay the cashier. You’ll be a meme.”

“You already got memed once this week, I’ll meme you myself if I have to. Or I could turn you into an E-Girl, you did lose that bet.”

“I absolutely despise you,”

Remy laughed “no you don’t.”

“I really do, and you can’t make me e an e-girl.”

“No, but the people can, there’ll be a poll right here, vote should my intern be an e-girl for the day?”

Virgil groaned “times like these make me wish I was aborted.”

Remy laughed.

The rest of the video went ok and no one recognized Virgil.

Raccoon: I hate life Dukey: I saw, I voted yes, you’d make a wonderful e-girl hiss hiss motherfucker: so did I, suffer bitch Raccoon: you’re both traitors  hiss hiss motherfucker: at least we’re not going to be an e-girl

Virgil was pissed the whole week. “What’s up with you Dr. Gloom?” Roman asked.

“Made a bet with Remus, and lost, I’m going to commit toaster bath.”

Roman made a face “why would you make a bet with my brother? nothing good comes out of it.”

“I thought I’d win, turns out he’s totally willing to eat deodorant if it means I’ll have to dress like an e-girl for a day and make a tiktok.”

Roman laughed “I cannot wait to see you dressed as an e-girl.”

“I can, I’ll be locking myself in my room all day.”

“I’m surprised Remus didn’t say you’d have to walk around in public like that.”

“He did, but he can’t see me, so I’ll be in my room.”

Remy was in front of the camera. “Time for you to become an e-girl!”

“I’d like to say a very special fuck you to everyone who voted yes and that after this I’m going to commit toaster bath,”

“It’s one day, you’ll be fine.”

“One day in my room with the door locked and curtains closed.”

Remy laughed “oh no gurl, you’ll be going out, I suggest you make plans.”

“WHAT? That wasn’t part of the deal!”

“I thought it would go without saying you’d have to go outside.”

Virgil just glared, happy his face wasn’t in frame.

The makeover took well over an hour. when it was over he looked almost unrecognizable, thankfully.

Virgil: Hey, anyone want to hang out, my dad’s kicking me out of the house for the day says I need to be “social” whatever the means Princey: So you do need to go out as an e-girl Virgil: unfortunately, anyone free? Logan: I have to study and Patton is out at the animal shelter volunteering, Roman? Princey: I’m free, meet you at the mall? Virgil: Sure

“Dad! I’m going to hang out with Roman see you later.”

“Have fun on your date!”

“dad! It’s not a date!” He slammed the door and left.

Virgil waited in a café for Roman. He got an iced coffee as always.

Someone shoved him while he was waiting in line.

“What are you? A boy or a girl make up your mind,”

Virgil didn’t look up from his phone “gender is a spectrum and gender norms are fake and I refuse to give into toxic musicality and if you have a problem with that you can leave because I already ordered and payed for my drink and am not leaving until I get it.”

“You can’t change your chromosomes, it’.” the guy said in a feeble attempt to get back at Virgil. basic biology

“How about you stop relying on basic biology and come back when you can argue the same statement with complex biology. If you really knew anything about biology more then the basics you’d know that scientifically there are at least three genders according to chromosomes. Male, female and intersex, and that once again biology isn’t fucking basic otherwise everyone would be a biologist. I can wear a skirt if I want to.”

He grabbed his coffee and left, Roman had arrived a few minutes prior.

“Damn emo nightmare I didn’t think you’d go all out on the E-girl look.”

Virgil shrugged “go big or go home, and I was kicked out for the day so I had to go big. Dad said I needed to go outside. For some reason, no idea why. I mean last time I left the house of my own free will not for school was only six months ago.”

Roman looked at him in doubt “I’m pretty sure you’ve been outside of your own free will sooner then six months ago.”

“Outside? Yes, of my own free will? not so much. Oooh hot tpic.”

Roman laughed.

“Shut up princey, they have cool stuff, including gay stuff.”

Roman shrugged “could be gayer.”

“You’ve been in hot topic?”

Roman shrugged “a few times with Remus, he makes me go, bribing me with Disney.”

Virgil smirked “why am I not surprised you can be bribed with Disney?”

He started looking around at My Chemical Romance t-shirts and other things. He also grabbed some purple hair dye.

“Where to next princey?”

Roman shrugged “Game stop?”

“Sure,”

They hung out at the mall for awhile longer before guess what another youtuber came.

It was Safiya doing a weird makeup science vlog.

“Virgil, planning on becoming a meme again?”

Virgil rolled his eyes “no, besides Safiya’s cool, I like her make up science videos. I just hate vloggers who do shitty content and make to much money through it.”

They left shortly after going their separate ways.

“How was your date?” Remy called from the basement.

“Not a date! You made me get out the house!”

“Come down here and finish filming!”

“So, how was your day of being an e-girl?”

“Got harassed about my gender and whatnot, I fucking destroyed the idiot, that was fun.”

“And who did you hang out with?”

“I told you and again, it wasn’t a date, everyone else was busy.”

Remy looked towards the camera in doubt.

“Well I’m never doing this again, I’m going to go change.”

The video went viral when it was posted several days later.

I saw a kid at the mall dressed like an e-girl a few days ago. They got harrassed at the Starbucks.

[neriad13]

Favorite Media of 2020!

There was a large swathe of this year during which I was unable to concentrate on reading (as there probably was for a lot of other typically-frequent readers), so, as a result, I ended up listening to way more podcasts and watching way more TV shows. Not a bad thing, but boy did I read way less books than usual. 

However, for the first time in a while, the amount of fiction I read was about equal with the amount of nonfiction I read. Last year’s reading resolution was to read more fiction, so...success??

I did read a lot of phenomenal fiction when I had the energy to do so this year.

Books - Fiction

The Martian - Andy Weir

This book is the hardest of the hard sci fi I think I’ve ever read. Every single aspect of it is minutely researched and calculated. The author literally wrote equations to write this book. The science is insanely impressive and yet...it never loses its sense of humor or humanity in the mix. In fact, they’re the thing that drives the entire story.

Warlock Holmes - G. S. Denning

Way early in the year I was strolling down the fantasy aisle at the library, when this cover caught my eye. I took one look at it, went “oh, this looks silly” and...proceeded to devour the entire series in a matter of weeks. 

It is very silly. Especially when it’s pointing out something that was silly in the original. There’s something so satisfying about Watson immediately answering Holmes with the correct number of steps in their flat when he’s trying to make his point about how most people don’t pay attention to things like that.

World War Z - Max Brooks

Every single scenario in here could easily support an entire book. A park ranger whose job it is to contain the yearly zombie spring thaw? HECK YES. I’d read tens of thousands of words about that. A Chinese admiral who defaults, steals the government’s premier submarine, loads it up with the families of his underlings and takes to the sea for years to live in the maritime economy that has sprung up in a world where everyone is trying to escape the shore? That could be an entire movie on its own. 

Every chapter was more creative than the last and as a huge worldbuilding fan, this book was so, so fun.

An Unkindness of Ghosts - Rivers Solomon

In which a queer, neurodivergent protagonist solves a mystery on a spaceship which is a microcosm of antebellum era politics! This had a beautiful, mysterious, wonder-inducing writing style and it was a joy to peer into the wildly differing minds of every single character.

Books - Nonfiction

Underland - Robert MacFarlane

In every chapter, the author visits a different hole. Basically.

It’s an exploration of caves, catacombs, mines, nuclear waste facilities and the hidden underbelly of every forest. It was fascinating. And fundamentally changed how I look at time.

Rejected Princesses - Jason Porath

After years of having enjoyed the web entries, I finally got my hands on the first book and was not disappointed. 

There are the more entertaining entries, of course and the art is as charming as always, but what struck me the most were the more difficult stories. The deeper you go into this book, the more horrific it gets. The author does not hold back on the indignities suffered by the historical figures he writes about. It’s terrible...but also very, very illuminating.

The Gift of Fear - Gavin De Becker

This book - while maintaining all the essential information in it - could be pared down to one sentence in a sea of blank pages and that sentence would be: trust your instincts. End of story.

But in a world where instincts are either customarily suppressed or going haywire, it’s not quite that easy, which is why I’m glad there is more to the book.

I picked it up thinking “ha ha, betcha can’t help a person with anxiety who fears all the time already” and...what it actually ended up doing was giving me the tools to differentiate between real fear and unfounded fear. And did help with the anxiety quite a bit.

Fanfiction

Watch Over Me - cakeisatruth

A Bioshock fic from the point of view of a little sister who is learning how to trust and be an ordinary child again. Dark and sweet. An excellent combo.

All That is Visible - Ultima_Thule

An exploration of a minor character in a well researched historical context? That’s my jam! How did they know?? A Tron fic about what it’s like to be a female programmer in the 70s.

Graphic Novels

The Adventure Zone - McElroys + Carey Pietsch

Yesssssssss! It was a running-to-the-library type event whenever my library got a new volume in. The jokes are so good, the art is so lively and the ways in which they added the details that the podcast couldn’t necessarily get across is *mwah*

Trail of Blood - Shuuzou Oshimi

Hoooooooly shit, the art style of this one!! It’s beautifully detailed and expressive, sure, but the real draw for me was how it changes with the emotional state of the main character. There’s this sequence in which he’s consumed with anxiety at school and all of his classmates become blurry and unfocused, until they can’t be recognized as humans at all, that particularly sticks with me.

It’s a horror story about a kid who witnesses his loving mother push his cousin off a cliff for seemingly no reason and is then obligated by her to keep the secret, which is eating him from the inside out. It’s so good, guys, please read it.

Level Up - Gene Lien Yang/Thien Pham

A story about a kid who is haunted by his late father’s desire for him to become a gastroenterologist. It’s funny and touching and the ending gave me what I can only describe as a feeling of exhilaration. Y’know that feeling when something unexpected but not out of left field, perfectly in tune with the narrative arc and gut bustingly funny happens, all in the same panel? That one.

Film

Searching

This is a fairly standard thriller about a dad trying to find out what happened to his missing daughter. It’s also found footage...but not in the usual way, which was what made it so compelling to me. It’s told through the dad’s phone calls, google searches, social media interactions, news footage, security cameras and webcams. It was such a cool way to tell a story.

Train to Busan

There’s a lot that’s already been said about this movie and I don’t think there’s much more I can meaningfully add to that. Suffice to say that ya gotta take care of each other if you’re going to survive a zombie apocalypse!!

TV Series

My Brother’s Husband

As close to a perfect adaptation as a person can get (barring the entire conversation in English which was...oof). I was so happy when they took it a step further and showed Kana and Yaichi actually getting to meet Mike’s family.

Zumbo’s Just Desserts

I watched a lot of baking shows this year. Like...a lot. They were my much-needed comfort viewing for the year and this one was my favorite, even over The Great British Baking Show (which I LOVE). Why? Because the pastry chef for whom it’s named makes such bizarre and wonderful desserts and fosters an environment in which the competitors do the same. I’ve never seen anything like a lot of the desserts that make an appearance on this show. Every single episode was an awesome surprise and so help me, this show had better get a third season.

She-ra and the Princesses of Power

There’s also a lot that’s been said about this one, so I won’t say much more. Suffice to say: DAMN. That’s how you do an 80s toy tie-in cartoon remake.

Infinity Train

This show’s premise is probably the most unique I’ve seen in recent years. Its balance of comedy, horror and existential dread is also *mwah* I also love how much it trusts the viewer to figure things out on their own.

Primal

A late entry sliding in before the year ends! I finally got to watch the second half of the first season last weekend and it was EXCELLENT. The pacing, the brutal fight scenes, the adorable dinosaur antics, the animation, the quiet moments - *mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah*

The most emotional moment for me was the part in which the protagonists watch, with sorrow, as the rabid dinosaur who’s been trying to kill them all night dies an excruciating death.

Also it sets up a fascinating new plotline right before ending in a cliffhanger!! Another one for the ‘had better get a next season’ list.

Games

Night in the Woods

This is one that’s been on my to play list for a few years and I was so glad I finally got my hands on it. It’s like...The Millennial Experience (TM), the game. I felt so seen, playing it. The character writing was fantastic.

Prey

I don’t know why I put off finishing this for so long. I guess I wasn’t in the right alien killing headspace for a while?? Anyway, the setting is gorgeous, the alien biology is weird and cool, the ethics are delightfully murky and the interconnectedness of the station was really cool, especially in the OH SHIT moments at the end. 

Podcasts

The Adventure Zone

I tried to narrow this down to one favorite arc, but found that I couldn’t do it. I love Balance for its comedy and creative energy. I love Amnesty for its drama and acting. I am loving Graduation for the depth of its world and the way in which the real story behind everything that’s happened is slowly unfurling. It’s a good podcast all around.  

The Magnus Archives

Who obsessively listened to every single season while playing Minecraft in about a month? Surely not me, nooooo. Of course not.

There’s also been a lot said on this one, so I’ll keep it brief. I’ve seen things in here that I haven’t really seen elsewhere in horror. My particular favorites were the creepy psychiatric hospital in which the horror comes not from the patients, but from the denial of the doctor to believe them about their mental illnesses and every single thing related to the Anthropocene. The one with the Amazonian village made out of trash - CHILLS.

[valc0]

I had a teacher who was head of year for me. She *hated* me. Once picked me up during a panic attack and gave me detention for screaming when she did. Once she found me in the library in my study period - where you have to go to the library but can do anything - reading and gave me a detention as I wasn't doing homework when I had none. She also refused to let me do sciences as a subject as claimed I was too dumb when I wanted to be a chemist and had gotten A*s up until then???

I 100%get you. I had a panic attack during a schooltrip when one my roommates got sick...I think it was something with her stomach, I don’t remember. The professor that came “to the rescue” kept shouting at me to shut the fuck up because I was just and entitled brat that wanted attention instead of my friend who actually needed it. In retrospect, the scene was hilarious, cause we were both curling in our bed crying and he was there NOT helping my friend and shouting at me. WILD.

Anonymous asked:

Speaking of Bad Teacher stories, I had a woodwork teacher that insisted on calling me Rebecca [not my name] and was a bit of a perv. An English teacher that Ruined My Life for about three years. Hated everything I did and hated creative writing, which is what I want to Do [but now she's left the school so whoop!] Also a biology teacher who was done for sexual assault last year....

Makes you wonder what they do instead of cheking their portfolio, right?

Anonymous asked:

My old geometry teacher was a riot. She'd pass out like, 10+ worksheets a day, and tell stories about how her husband tried to kill her, but it's alright, she puts drugs in his food.

You mispelled “A Legend(TM)”.

@ravennightbirt asked:

My 7th grade bio teacher came into the room screaming at us to „shut the fuck up an sit down“ for the whole first semester she was this really awful and strick teacher everyone was afraid of. I remember once during a test she was in the room next to the class and suddenly she was screaming at someone to look at their test. It was scary. But after Christmas it was like she was a different person, genuinely nice and care and a brilliant teacher. She cares for us and helped us out all the time 1/2

2/2 and was always in for fun. Hell she knew her curriculum by heart and could throw fun facts at us. She was my teacher till 10th grade and we were all begging and praying we would get her in out A-Level bio class. And the woman loved Minions. It was hilarious because she would react like a little kid once she spotted one of them in the class room. We ended up making her a lab coat with the whole class as Minions on it. Damit I miss her

I hate to break it to you but she was either abducted by aliens or killed by reptilians. I’m sorry.

[loveafterthefact]

Love After the Fact Chapter 57: Wasting Time with a New Friend

Lotor makes some new friends. Together, they discover that word of Lance and Keith's union has reached video game developers in the worst, best way.

Featuring Leakira in the role of comic relief (Not to offend Leakira fans, this is meant to be a fun, happy place. I just thought it might be funny little detail) XD

First  Previous  Next

Lotor finds them sleeping in a hallway. A much-needed distraction.

More specifically, it’s an adolescent Olkari with orange feelers, dressed in green and white garb stained with red dust. They’re incredibly small, even for a smaller species. Pretty adorable, like a wolf cub.

So obviously he nudges them with his foot.

“Can I help you?” the kit growls, amber eyes glaring up at him.

“You’re sleeping in a hallway.”

“And? What’s your point?”

“... You know what? I’m not really sure.”

With a groan, the kit sits up, tugging on their feelers. “So what are you up to, Mr. Prince?”

“Oh not much. Wandering around, looking for trouble.” He’s actually looking for a distraction, but that’s almost the same thing as trouble.

“Trouble, huh?” The Olkari smirks. “I’m Pidge. Lance’s resident tech genius and vent crawler- I mean spy.”

“Ah-haha, I see. You’re one of his ‘associates’.” Lotor grins, helps Pidge to their feet.

“Yes. Working for Lance usually involves some level of trouble. What are the princes up to today, anyway?”

“Lance is with Allura. She’s having a hard morning. Keith is with Thace, our emergency medic and reproductive specialist.”

“Oh, really? Making sure his junk works?”

“That’s the idea. Why?”

“It’d be awesome to have some dirt on Keith. He’s just so perfect.” Pidge skips down the hallway, a curious prince following behind them. “The worst thing he’s done is drink a bit too much, find his happy place at a party, and get really snuggly with Lance.”

Following Pidge into what should have been an old, empty storeroom, Lotor’s eyes widen in surprise. The typically ignored room is set up with monitors and a work table covered with Balmeran crystals and a few other tools.

“Where did you get some of these tools?” he asks, eyeing a choice laser of Galra design.

“I crawled through the tunnels underneath the actual labs and stole them. I’m welcome in the labs, of course. I just don’t want to share my work with them. The field of science is rife with thieves.”

“You found the tunnels already?” Lotor stares. There are tunnels all under the mountain, his ancestors making the massive peak into an insect hive. There are escape tunnels and hidden caches and underground pools and even a forge made of volcanic glass that he discovered as a small boy.

He still likes to go down there on the rare occasion he can find the time. Someday, he’ll take his children down there, and tell them all about the stories carved into the ancient walls.

“Yep! Anyway, let’s see if I can hack into Thace’s equipment. And by that I mean give me like, thirty ticks because I can definitely do it.” While Pidge types away on their computer, Lotor sits himself on the floor, eyeing a faint square cut into the stone. Most people don’t notice, don’t know to look for the fine edges carved into the floor. “Ooh… Interesting.”

“What’s interesting?” Lotor asks. “Is Keith okay?”

“You really care for him, don’t you?” Amber eyes smile at him, intuitive.

“Of course I do! He’s my cousin! And my friend!” And he has more than his fair share of health problems. Lotor himself was not a healthy kit, so he understands the worries that his cousin might have.

“Aw-w. You’re just a big ol’ sweetheart, aren’t ya?” Pidge turns back to their computer. “What’s interesting is that Keith is… surprisingly healthy. His weight and body mass index are good… Thace is optimistic about a successful pregnancy.”

“Why is that interesting?” Lotor scratches his head, frowning a little.

“Because our boys requested contraceptives, probably due to health concerns.”

“Miscarriage risks are higher for him. That’s partially due to his sex, and partially due to his condition. Do you think they’ll use contraceptives?”

“Pfft. No. They’re young, they’re stupid, and they both want pups. I doubt Lance can keep it in his pants.”

“What about Keith?”

“He’s shy.” Pidge shrugs like that explains everything. It kind of does. Keith’s priorities are probably more of the cuddling variety than the ‘aggressive hugging’ variety. “Can I have some of your blood?”

“Hm? Uh… How much blood?”

“I dunno. A few vials? Maybe I’ll swab your cheek too? It might help with my experiments.”

“And what might those be?”

“I’m trying to invent Altean-friendly prosthetics. It’s not going well. Alteans are stupid inside and out.” Pidge gathers their tools to stick him, and Lotor stares. This tiny little Olkari is far more than they appear. “Who do you think will kill Lance for getting Keith pregnant? Krolia or Shiro?”

But they're young, still playful and carefree.

“Hm… My money’s on Krolia. Or the creepy friend.”

“Adam? Oh, he’s softer than he looks. More likely he’ll live vicariously through their children and terrorize anyone who tries to mess with them.” Pidge sticks a swab in his cheek as they fill a second vial with his blood. “Your fangs are adorable.”

“Thanks?” Lotor regards them. “So you do science, you do people… What don’t you do?”

“Relationships.” Pidge cleans the crook of his arm, bandaging the spot where they bled him. “And genders. Those are for more primitive individuals.”

Lotor laughs. “More highly evolved, are you?”

“Exactly. Unlike Alteans. Stupid, scaley assholes with stupid, cranky cells.”

“I don’t get it. What exactly is the problem?” Lotor peers over Pidge’s shoulder as they examine his cells under their microscope.

“Not sure, but Alteans have some odd properties that make their biology incompatible with metal, coral, bone, wood, and other prosthetic materials. When used, the Altean’s cells refuse to accept the forgein material, even if it’s biocompatible. Hence, their cells are stupid.”

“So it would seem. How are my cells?”

“Hm… I'll have to run some of my own, secret tests. I may try to culture your skin cells to figure out how it all works.”

“Have at it. Can I interest you in a secret?”

“Always!” The young Olkari’s eyes shine, eager to learn. To know. A person after his own heart.

“Most of Altea’s technology is rediscovered. Thousands of decaphoebs ago, there was what’s known as The Forgetting. The Altean’s powers were quite suddenly drastically altered, and their society descended into chaos. Much of their technology was lost, then rediscovered within the last few milophoebs.”

“No fucking way!”

“Way. This includes their lauded Teludav technology.”

“Those fakers! How have I not heard of this?”

“I know! It’s their best kept secret. Also, beneath Mount Sil’brana is a petrified forest.”

“Oh, that’s so cool!” Pidge makes a note on their datapad. “I wonder… I don’t know if I could interface with that or not. Probably not, since it’s no longer organic, but then again perhaps I could reach the echo?”

“Echo?”

“All organic life leaves behind an echo. Sometimes, I can reach that echo. I’d be great at solving murders!”

“Well, if ever I am murdered, do find my killer. I’m sure my wife would appreciate it.”

“Unless she did the murdering,” Pidge snickers.

“Some days, it wouldn’t surprise me at all. She’d say it’s my fault, but…”

“Pregnancy.”

“Yeah. How do you think Keith will be when he gets pregnant?”

“He’s relatively mild-mannered as long as Lance keeps him happy, so either unbelievably psychotic or unbearably sweet.”

“He is really sweet. I honestly didn’t expect it when he first arrived. Lance is a little… He’s reserved, but also high-strung at the same time?”

“He definitely can be. But he can also be very playful. Those two are either quiet and reserved together, or cutting up and goofing off together. But Lance is the high-strung one, for sure. Keith just wants to know whose head to crack open. Lance wants to know every single little detail about everything.”

“So he’s a control freak.”

“Little bit, yeah. We’ve all got our thing.” Pidge smiles. “But Lance gave me a home when mine was lost. He had no reason to do that. He didn’t know what I was capable of.”

“I had assumed you were on Altea for research?” Lotor's curious, but won't push.

“No. Though I do enjoy research. For example, I have the new Phantasm Killbot game. I just got to the first visual novel part where they introduce the characters and their little side plots and all. Wanna help me out? For research?” The Olkari holds up a controller.

“Yeah alright. Anything for research.” Lotor takes the controller, waits for the character introduction screen. He’s played this game before. “Player one… Leandro.”

“Player Two… Akira.”

The screen loads.

“Uh… That’s… Interesting. Is that- Does that look like Lance to you?” It really does, at least to Lotor. The only difference is that ‘Leandro’ has brown hair and his scales are a very pale blue.

“Wow, that’s weird. Okay. Let’s see where this goes- Oh my fuck, this is going to be good.”

Lotor can’t help but agree, staring at a screen of a smirking ‘Leandro’ lounging with a wide-eyed Galra presumably named ‘Akira’. The Galra has purple hair and golden irises, dressed in what might loosely be referred to as clothing.

It’s exceptionally weird, even weirder given that Akira is the name of Keith’s father, Lotor’s uncle.

“I cannot wait to tell my cousin about this,” Lotor breathes, coming to the realization of exactly what’s before him.

“Yes! We have to! Right now!” Pidge stands, tugs on his arm.

“Well, let’s not be too hasty.” Lotor stares at the screen, that mischievous part of his brain clicking and whirring. “I mean, we have to do our research, right?”

“You know…” Pidge taps their chin. “You might be onto something.”

“I mean it’s just courtesy, right? Making sure we can give them all the information we possibly can?”

“You’re absolutely right. Okay, so you get first choice for dialogue and it looks like Not-Keith has a prompt for us.”

“Oh, gods. Okay, I am so sorry, Keith… Let’s see, here.”

…

Akira: We can’t keep meeting like this. What if people find out?

Leandro: I’m a prince, my sweet. I do what I want.

Akira: But you could be killed!

Leandro: You’re worth dying for.

Leandro: It’s my fault, anyway. I just couldn’t resist you.

Akira: It’s not your fault. I let you have me.

Leandro: You should let me have you again.

Akira: Please… I need it…

*Kiss Passionately*

Leandro: Oh, my sweet. You’re in season!

Akira: Make love to me, and I will give you a son.

…

“I feel dirty,” Lotor mutters. “This is what’s passing for entertainment right now?”

“It’s so bad! I love it!” Pidge snickers.

“Lance is going to be mortified.”

“No, he won’t.” The two new friends turn to see Adam leaning in the doorway, smirking.

“And why, pray tell, is that?” Lotor asks, one eyebrow almost reaching his hairline.

“Lance is bigger than that. He’ll be filled with a sense of… well-being.”

“Oh, gross! Adam!” Pidge chucks a wrench at the Altean’s head, the trio laughing as he dodges, then retrieves it for them. “I don’t want to hear about my friend’s dick!”

“Am I wrong?”

“No, and I hate it.” Pidge drags Adam to the floor, sits in his lap. “Okay, you can help us. What should Leandro say next? ‘A daughter would be fine’ or ‘Honor me with the gift of your flesh’?”

“Who the quiznak wrote this?” Adam mutters. “And we want ‘Honor me with the gift of your flesh.’”

“I don’t know, but I will find out. And kill them,” Lotor mutters.

“Easy on the instincts, Mr. Prince.” Pidge continues to the next cut scene.

“It’s nothing to do with instincts! I just hate that I had to read that!” Lotor sighs. “At least that cut scene is over. Now we have… Brothers, Sven and Kuron? Lots of new characters for this one.”

Adam blinks, gaping at the screen. “What. The fuck-”

...

Allura sighs, running a hand through her loose curls. It's been a rough morning, one that doesn't promise to get easier. A howling chorus of laughter cuts through her stressed thoughts. Cracking open a storeroom, she spies her husband, Adam, and Pidge laughing away at a video game.

"I wOuLd DiE fOr AkIrA," Pidge mocks, cackling.

"Leandro, please!" Lotor laughs, cutting through a false simper as he pretends to swoon. "I couldn't live without you!"

"That's such a toxic sentiment, honestly." Adam shakes his head, but his eyes are glittering bright.

Shaking her head, Allura leans in the doorway, settling a hand on her slightly protruding stomach. Life is never perfect, not for anyone. But seeing her husband playing around and having fun with their friends -his new friends- suggests that everything might still turn out alright. Or at least, not as awful as it sometimes seems.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

book blogging #1: Dr. Tatiana’s Sex Advice to All Creation

by Olivia Judson, published 2002

Question: what do you think of when you think of books that are “fun” to read?

For me, a lot of speculative fiction comes to mind. Recent books that I found fun include Space Opera (Catherynne M. Valente), The Beautiful Ones (Silvia Moreno-Garcia), and everything by Sarah Gailey that I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. Though I haven’t gotten ahold of it yet, I’m pretty sure Gideon the Ninth (Tamsyn Muir) is going to be spectacularly fun as well. 

These are books that aren’t necessarily my favorite stories of all time, but they have been some of my favorites to read. They’re all propelled by zany premises and whirlwind plots, enjoying themselves way too much for anyone to ever stop and worry about the parts that don’t make that much sense. When Sarah Gailey says “I have a crew committing a heist while riding hippopotamuses, do you want in?” I don’t ask questions. I just say yes and go along for the ride.

But there’s one major anomaly that always comes to mind when I think of books that I’ve had fun reading, and that’s David Sax’s The Tastemakers: Why We’re Crazy for Cupcakes but Fed Up with Fondue. It’s a 2014 work of nonfiction, and as the title suggests it’s an analysis of popular food trends and the forces that power them. The Tastemakers isn’t what this blog post is actually supposed to be about, so I won’t go into too many details, but suffice to say that I was engrossed despite the fact that I know pretty much nothing about the world of culinary trends or foodie fads - or cooking in general, if I’m being totally honest. But there’s something really delightful about learning things that are entirely outside your wheelhouse without having to worry about the material showing up on a test later. 

Given that I’m posting this on a blog with relatively few followers and that this is a write-up of a very niche book that was published eighteen years ago and could not be further from trendy, I’m well aware that anyone reading this is probably already at least passing familiar with me and what I do, so you folks might be saying, “Hang on, Makenzie. Are you seriously trying to say that this is outside your wheelhouse? The title on your Tumblr has been “Ask The Sex Witch” since 2015. You’re a whole sex educator, for fuck’s sake!”

Well, yes and no. Judson is a real-deal evolutionary biologist and gets into some pretty serious science in this book, which is pretty wildly different from what I usually do. I talk to people about sorting out their likes and dislikes, their boundaries, their sense of personal sexual autonomy, and so on. Although I definitely advocate for introspection and self-examination, I rarely go looking for answers far beyond the individual level. Judson asks big biological questions to figure out how some truly peculiar-looking behavior evolves: Why is it worthwhile for some animals to fight to the death trying to fuck? What’s up with some species of insects eating their mates? And who, pray tell, is engaging in the noble art of penis-fencing? Clearly, this is a totally different ball game on many levels.

(Speaking of ball games, did you know that the male shiner perch’s testes completely shrivel up over the winter? That’s rough, buddy.)

Offering sex advice to humans is hard enough, but Judson - writing as chipper sex advice columnist Dr. Tatiana - easily offers education to an impressively vast variety of species. The framing device of the book is a charmingly weird one. Each segment opening Dear Prudence-style, with a short letter from an animal badly in need of advice. The first chapter, for instance, begins with a query written by a stick bug called Twiggy (aww) wondering how to get her boyfriend to stop having sex with her after ten continuous weeks of intercourse. (Answer: Girl, he’s not gonna. Apparently that’s how he stops any other stick bugs from getting it in.) For the final chapter Judson mixes it up by formatting a discussion about the pros and cons of asexual reproduction as a hectic daytime talk show, complete with microscopes to view the tiniest guests and seating that offers both saltwater and freshwater tanks for aquatic audience members to sit in, like something out of Zootopia. 

(I haven’t seen Zootopia and the only thing I know about it for sure is that in one scene there’s a DILF-looking tiger, but I’m pretty confident in the assumption I’m making here.) 

Judson does an admirable job of providing pretty comprehensible explanations for a lot of evolutionary science, and while I did have to power skim through a few segments that were really beyond my grasp, it did make a pretty lively read out of the biological pros and cons of producing sperm bigger than your own body. It’s not exactly a book that’s difficult to put down, but I had a perfectly pleasant time reading it in the moments between doing anything else - eating a meal, resting in bed, getting some sun in my backyard - and even learning a little while I did so. I fully intended to use Dr. Tatiana as a break between the two installments of N.K. Jemisin’s Dreamblood duology, and it has served that role magnificently.  

Am I recommending this book to you? Not exactly, unless you’re extremely interested in evolutionary theories that are nearly two decades old or a science fiction writer looking to give your non-human characters some thoroughly non-human sexual habits. I’m not supremely interested in making recommendations with the blog in general, unless someone specifically asks for them; I’m hoping this will be more like writing up my personal thoughts about books and then hurling them into the virtual void like messages in bottles. If they wash up on your shore and you read them and come to the conclusion that this is something you, too, would like to read, that’s pretty rad. I love that for you! But it wasn’t necessarily my intent.

Strictly speaking, I didn’t even recommend this book to myself. In 2019 I tried to stay pretty intentional about my to-read list, really whittling it down to stuff that I actively wanted to engage with rather than anything that sounded vaguely not awful. I was hoping to keep that trend up in 2020, but like many other things that are much more serious, this whole pandemic situation has scuppered those plans a bit. I get most of my books by borrowing them from the public library where I work, and that’s been closed for nearly two months. Unlike many book bloggers I’ve observed I don’t keep a massive stack of unread books around at all times, so I’ve really been relying on the kindness of friends to keep me supplied in these trying times.

My friend Paige slipped me Dr. Tatiana’s (along with the aforementioned Dreamblood books and several volumes of Kurtis J. Weibe’s comic series Rat Queens) in exchange for some books I lent to her, because we all have to look out for each other in These Trying Times. I trusted her good taste, despite having no idea what the book was about and more than a few reservations. 

At other times I think this book might have sailed right over my head - not to sneer at the so-called soft sciences, but there’s a reason I gave up on my childhood dream of marine biology and got a sociology degree instead - but right now, as I’m finally adjusting to the slower pace of life in quarantine and remembering how to focus, I’m finding that it fits my needs. It’s unlikely to live on as an all-time favorite, but it’s something to do and gives me an occasional excuse to gasp and tell my roommate something absolutely wild, like the fact that spiders have two penises and that the dual arachnodicks are located on their faces, on either side of their mouths.

My basic understanding of evolution is that change rarely happens based on logic or reason, but by finding something that works and then sticking to it, no matter how improbable it may seem. When male elephants get horny they apparently develop an insatiable bloodlust and piss so constantly their penises turn green (yikes!), which is definitely not the most practical way to do things, but evidently it’s been getting the job done. Getting through quarantine has been sort of like that, has it not? A lot of behavior that might not be the most intuitive but is somehow enabling ongoing survival, like occupying myself with books that I might not have given a second glance in the halcyon before times.

That’s totally the same thing, right?

Right.

A note about the appearance of this book:

I’ve been talking a fair amount lately about my dislike for what I see as pretty transparently romanticized materialism in a lot of book blogging spaces, with an emphasis placed on acquiring and showing off as many pristine books as possible. I don’t own this book, and it looks like ass. It looks like Paige stole it from a library in North Carolina, which would not be shocking. When I noticed the large brown stain in the corner I jokingly asked if she’d dropped it in coffee, and she unflinchingly confirmed that yes, she had.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Only a Girl (Holy, Part 2.)

Series description: Your bestie Kim was a free-spirited person who wasn’t exactly concentrated on finding herself a partner. Yet one day, she recieves a phone number and this time, you didn’t want to keep the person on the other end hanging. And so, you text them, no matter who they are.

Part summary: There was a lot of misunderstanding in the last few days - which lead everyone into thinking that you were more or less obsessed with Stanley Barber.

A/N: I know that I’ve done this with Whatsapp series already but... This just seemed like a super-sweet idea for a closeted queer Sydney is.

Word count: 2.5 K

Tagging: @nemodoren​ @deadpoolcouldshootme​

Sydney’s tape: go fuck yourself

Series masterlist: H E R E

Being the fucking coward you were, you didn't respond to the text. To divert your attention, you went for a shower and then to snuggle with Mr. Skittles, who still kind of didn't get over the part where you almost stumbled over him.

You passed the test, to your surprise. You couldn't pay attention to a single word you've been writing on the exam sheet because one particular head with curly hair was making you focus on something else entirely. Stan Barber was in the said class with you, sitting just a few chairs away from you.

As usual, he was wearing his sunglasses - yet this time, he was writing down the words as if he was trying to surpass the Guinness' record of the fastest writing in history.

Again, you found yourself on kind of an edge. You wanted to ask him about the number. And fuck, you were curious about who the hell was his friend since you've never seen him outside school or his part-time job. But you didn't have enough nerve for that. Like a coward, eh? Yet Stan was quick enough to see that you were staring at him during the entirety of said exam and the rest of the class.

"What?" - The boy snapped suddenly, widening his eyes under the sunglasses. His hand quickly put his curls to place, rearranging them to look a bit more handsome since you were talking to him before he tried something similar to a smile. - "Do I have something on my shirt? Or did you suddenly realized how deeply you've fallen in love with me?" - His eyebrows arched as he leaned down to your desk. Stanley was using a shit ton of deodorants. Holy fuck.

And about that remark regarding you falling in love with him... That was nothing to worry about. He usually said weird shit like that. And the higher he got, the weirder the shit got.

"Keep on fucking dreaming, Barber." - A mutter came back as you grinned, picking your stuff from your desk. - "I was just spacing out and your damn head is right in front of me." - With a sweet smile, you thought you had knocked Stan off his feet, not literally of course, yet the boy wasn't giving up just yet. - "Oh, so you are in love with me. You hadn't said anything against it, so..." - Stanley shrugged his shoulders, grinning at you even more widely.

"I did say something." - You furrowed, having Stan hooked on the small talk, which wasn't happening every day. - "Keep on fucking dreaming, Barber." - You winked at the boy, fired at him from a finger gun, and then you turned on your heels and disappeared in the crowd of people.

You set on a new personal quest for another couple of days - you were trying to spot any suspicious activity going on with Barber... Which just meant that you tried to find out who is he friends with. Yet the level of Stanley Barber small talking to almost everyone to whom he was dealing was too hard for you. It was hard to keep track so you gave up even before the holiday started. Yeah, you were kind of lazy sometimes.

The holiday came in way quicker than you hoped it would. Well... It was starting just three days after the big exam, so you should've seen this coming, but you were surprised nonetheless.

The preparations were completed - Kim has prepared some meat for the grill, Aaron and his boyfriend took care of the alcohol and other illegal instances and you baked some cupcakes. Which, in your opinion, were the absolute peak of deliciousness.

Also, when it came to Aaron's boyfriend, you still didn't know his actual name - but because of the similarity, you all decided to call him Brock, like the Pokemon guy. Aaron was quite big when it came to every animated series ever made. When your holy trinity friendship had started back on elementary school, he was the one to call Kim 'miss Possible' - because of her name and the fact she shared a Kim Possible's most dramatic feature. The hair.

If you were naïve enough to hope to spend a load of fun time with your friends, you were very wrong. Aaron brought Brock with him and Kim, to everyone's surprise, brought one of her ladies with her. She had never done that before, but as they say, there's this first time for everything. Sure, the poor girl was most likely just another one-to-three nightstand, but you and Aaron made sure you're acting your fucking best around Kim's prey. But she wasn't as important for you to remember her name.

Even the first day in the cabin was quite nice. You fooled around for a while, grilled some of the meat Kim had prepared, and set on a long-ass hike through the woods around the cabin. But the other day... Oh boy...

It started with some cooking and beers. When that was done, boys put down a bottle of vodka in front of you, making everyone have at least one shot. And then another one... And another one. It was around an hour ago when Kim and her lady had disappeared somewhere - and wherever they were, you were sure about the things these two were up to. And no offense, but you didn't plan on witnessing any of it.

It wasn't that you would be disgusted or anything like that, but Kim was your bestie since your kindergarten days. And you weren't planning on seeing your best friend's face in someone else's coochie. No, thank you. So you sat in the main living room with Aaron and Brock as you listened to Brock playing his guitar.

About Aaron... He wasn't the smartest to start the conversation. But he never had grades worse than C, that needed to be at least mentioned. And when he started seeing some boy, well, these boys were very smart. Usually, they could do something artistic. Brock could play guitar and his ex-boyfriend was a passionate cellist. Aaron wouldn't say it out loud, but he was a quarterback who had a soft spot for artists. Which was a thing you secretly adored about your best friend?

"And then he... Man, you're not listening." - Aaron sat up suddenly, making you blink a few times in distress. Until then, he was laying with his head on your lap, telling you some story or what. But now, he was staring you dead in the eyes. - "Spill the tea, I've noticed you're different since last Sunday." - Sometimes, you wished for Aaron being the stereotypical gay friend, mainly because of the vocabulary used in so many shows. Yet your Aaron was way better than some random Netflix dude.

"I don't know what you're talking about." - You answered honestly, putting his hand back on your lap as if he was a small baby. Brock straightened up and put his guitar away, watching as you and his boyfriend chattered. - "I'm normal. As normal as I usually am." - "I've heard that you're in love with Stanley Barber, eh?" - Aaron asked almost innocently. For a moment, your face was projecting the empty feeling that struck you at the moment. That was a second lasting state before the panic overtook you.

"What the fuck? I am... I'm not in love with Stan. I've talked to him once after the biology exam and now we're having a wedding? Or..?" - Okay, maybe you were a bit overreacting with that, throwing your hands around, trying to make sense out of that shit. You could try to find out who started to spread this rumor, but it could be even Stanley himself. Which wouldn't surprise you one bit, to be honest? - "No. But you know... People noticed that you were stalking him and..." - Aaron suggestively rolled his eyes, making your mouth open even wider. - "I wasn't stalking Stanley... I... It wasn't like that at all."

You could barely defend yourself against these allegations. The facts clearly showed you watching the poor, unknowing boy almost every day of the last week... To find out who was this mysterious friend. You weren't watching Stan stalk him. But if you'd try to explain this in its entirety, starting from the concert, it would sound ridiculous. And on top of that, almost everyone was pretty drunk. Not like bat shit drunk, but you were more cheerful than normal.

"So you're saying you have your reasons and you're not secretly dating Stanley Barber, the rock king of our high school?" - Aaron looked you in the eyes again as you started to play with his hair again. - "I have my reasons and I wish I could date Stan." - You sighed back dramatically, grinning in the process. - "Stanley is a cool dude. I spent some time with him in the summer since I was at the bowling alley almost every day." - Brock spoke out suddenly. Oh, no. He thought you don't like Stan. But it wasn't like that either. As you previously said, you had a neutral relationship with the young dealer.

"I mean, yea, he's cool - but not 'I would date the hell out of him' type of cool." - That was what you thought about Stanley. He was a cool dude - but it was pretty hard to imagine him dating someone. Let alone dating you. - "Imma be hanging out on the porch if you'd be looking for me." - You whispered and patted Aaron's shoulder, picking yourself up as you left the interior of the cabin to be alone for a moment. With chips in one hand and a beer can in the second one, you turned at your friends for one last time as you heard Brock calling out to you.

"I didn't mean to offend you. It's just... I was just asking, you know that, right, Jessie?" - Oh, you're asking what Jessie's about, hm? When you were going to elementary school, you loved the Pokemon series playing on the TV. You wanted to be Jessie desperately - she had such a cool hair in your opinion. Aaron took the role of James since he was just as dumb as he was. And since there weren't any other roles, Kim took the role of Meowth before Aaron started calling her Kim Possible. You could be the Golden trio as well, but... You weren't into Harry Potter as much as you were into Pokemon, honestly. And from time to time, when Aaron felt that you're mad with him, he used the old elementary school nicknames.

"Not at all, James. I just need some fresh air." - You sent a wink his way, leaving the cabin. You sat down on the porch just as you told Aaron you were about to. So the whole school was under the impression that you're in love with Barber. Well, that was just great. You hoped that Stanley never gets to know about this so you wouldn't have to face some very unpleasant consequences of this made-up story. On the other hand, it was an even bigger failure than you hoped it was. Not only you didn't know who was this secret friend of his, but you were now dating Stanley as well.

And since you set your mind on the friend and you were quite drunk at the moment, you pulled your phone out and looked at the last text you've received from the number.

(Unknown number): Yea, there is. And you are? Where did you get this number?

It was your time to respond. This time, you were almost cool about it, which was most likely caused by the alcohol ravaging your veins. For a moment, you just sat there in the warm September air and watch what the forest was doing. This weather, in Aaron's opinion, was the best one of the whole year. The quarterback hated both hot and cold weather - now, he could wear only his football jacket, a t-shirt, and some pants, not being bothered by being cold or hot, because the weather was a-ok. Kim, as could be expected, loved the hottest summer days - those days when she could pack her shit and peep on a bunch of girls and boys on the public pool. Usually, she took you with her to have a look too, but you usually just tanned.

You: Lovely weather today, whaddya say? How have you been today?

Sydney was laying on her bed with a book thrown on the messy desk. She put earphones on, putting on some of the music Stanley had recommended to her and currently, she was trying to fall asleep. Liam was finally asleep too and her mom had another shift at the bistro. If Syd was right, her mom was about to come home around eleven p.m. Three hours to go, then. When her damned phone beeped all of a sudden, she opened her eyes and looked onto the ceiling before closing her eyes again.

Fuck people. Now, she was in her personal space and she was chilling. No-one, except Liam, was allowed to disturb her. And the text was most likely from Stanley anyway - and she wasn't really in the mood to chat with Stan at the moment. Yet, let's face it, humans are naturally curious creatures. I took her twenty minutes before she glanced over the screen of her old, barely working phone. And the fact it wasn't Stanley took her breath away.

It was the strange number again. This particular person had texted her before and they were, for the better part, pretty weird. No introduction, no clue of who they've been or what did they want. Sydney didnt even know where the fuck did they found her number in the first place. Sure, she tried to pass her number to Kim Miller, a girl going to the same high school, but that failed miserably. Whether Stanley lost her number, or didnt give it to her, she didn't know. One thing she did know - she didn't want this to repeat at all. Strangely enough, as long as the person wasn't rude or weird, she was fine with texting them back. In the end, it was just like when kids entered anonymous chatrooms for fun, wasn't it?

You: I like the clouds today. Pink's a cool color. And I've been fine, feels good to have some time to chill finally. Wbu?

After that, she picked the book again and changes the casette to a different mix of songs. This was more girly and calm, to say the least. It was relaxing enough to listen to while reading a book. And yea - a smile creeped on her face when she saw the screen lit up once more.  

[i-am-snowils-admiral]

Slip Away

Someone in a discord told me to do Izuku angst with a bit of vigilantism so have some.

This is just blatant dadzawa-adopts-kids-off-the-street-at-random have fun with it.

1960 words, also on Ao3

---

He’s been chasing the kid for a few months now.

If he’d been taking it seriously, he’d be in custody by now. The kid was young, inexperienced, and nowhere near as difficult to capture as most villains. For a vigilante, he wasn’t terrible, taking out small crime here and there, seemingly with nothing more than his wits and a crowbar, but there was something about him that made it obvious he had no idea what he was doing.

That was the problem, though. He was skittish, distrustful. Shouta had only ever seen him on the street, and he constantly looked underfed and dirty. He probably lived in one of these alleyways. There was a part of him that wanted to just grab the kid by surprise and drag him back to the station, where Naomasa could either find his parents or shuffle him into the foster system, but he’d done that before and it hadn’t gone well. There was a look in the kid’s eyes that was too familiar.

Hitoshi had run away from three different homes before he figured out what that look meant. Trust wasn’t something that came naturally, and the kid would just end up in the streets again if he didn’t do this slowly.

He’d complained to Hizashi about the situation extensively, ranting over the phone (as much as it could be considered ranting) about how the kid just kept slipping away from him every time he thought he was getting somewhere. Hizashi had taken to calling him Slip in response, and as a person who was terrible at naming things, Shouta couldn’t help but feel it was accurate. To both his slippery nature and his small size.

Slip wasn’t strong. He stuck to resolving the smaller, more common crimes, and didn’t like drawn-out fights. If he didn’t knock out his target within the first few minutes, he pulled back and contacted the police.

Unlike Shouta’s students, he seemed to have some knowledge of his limits.

He had learned, though, with Shouta’s help. Shouta had met the young vigilante about six months ago, arriving at the scene of a crime just in time to see him disappear deeper into the alleyway, and the kid just kept showing up. He didn’t talk to him at first. As they encountered each other more often, he started staying on-site after the take-downs, but it wasn’t until Shouta had to re-locate his shoulder after a particularly brutal fight with a mugger that he had finally received a quiet “thanks.”

It was unclear how old he was. His figure and voice suggested that he was young, but in this quirked society, those aspects didn’t mean as much as they would have otherwise. The way that he spoke and acted definitely pointed towards early to mid teens, though. Shouta had alerted Naomasa of the situation, and politely asked for permission to handle it on his own time.

He couldn’t make that mistake again. The cost had almost been too high.

Their first actual interaction had been about the punching. Slip used his crowbar almost exclusively, relying on the strength of the weapon to make up for his lack of muscle mass, but on one particular fight, it had been knocked out of his hands. Instead of pulling back as he usually would, he darted forwards, fist thrusting forwards in a continued effort to bring down the low-level criminal he was facing.

He would have broken all of his fingers had Shouta not intervened. Had this kid never thrown a punch before? He’s certainly watched plenty of punches. How could he possibly not know that you couldn’t tuck your thumb underneath all your other fingers?

Shouta had ended the fight in an instant, leaving the criminal unconscious on the ground as he rounded on the smaller figure.

Slip had left that fight knowing how to throw a proper punch. And how to stand properly. And how to break out of a few holds.

Shouta had had to knock the criminal out a couple extra times. It was a long lesson.

After that, things snowballed. Slip was tiny. While fixing his stance, Shouta had been able to feel every rib through his sweatshirt. His wrists were bony and pale. So the next time they ran into each other, Shouta shoved a protein bar and some juice packs into his arms. It was all he had on him at the time. The time after that, he had a proper meal. They sat on the sidewalk while Slip ate, Shouta turned slightly away so he could keep his face hidden without the medical mask he normally wore. They talked a little bit, about fighting and life. Shouta plied the kid for information about where he was living, what his name was, and whether he was safe, but got little in return.

That was ok, though. Shouta wasn’t trying to find him out. He just had to gain his trust. Food would gain his trust. Bandaging his wounds would gain his trust. Listening to him would gain his trust.

Slip liked to ramble. About anything and everything. Mostly heroes, but occasionally about criminal groups he’d run into and subsequently fled from. He always had some new tip for Shouta, some new fact that he’d picked up in his wanderings.

“Mr. Eraser,” he’d say, green eyes serious and intense. “Did you know that the Yakuza has been recruiting lately?”

Shouta had known that, but he hadn’t known that the new recruits were all highschoolers, or that most of them had expressed an interest in studying biology.

Slip seemed to be simultaneously terrified of him and desperate for his attention. After a few months, it became clear that he was seeking Shouta out, though he didn’t stick around very long. He’d flit in and out of Shouta’s reach, sometimes refusing to come closer than the nearest rooftop, and other times sneaking in close to hang off of his sleeve. One time, he simply walked up to Shouta and hugged him, burying his face in Shouta’s side and standing there, trembling slightly. For a moment, Shouta thought that that was the end of it, that he could finally take the kid off the streets, but when he’d reached out to reciprocate the gesture, Slip had run off once again.

He couldn’t be hasty, though. It couldn’t happen again. He knew where Slip was, at least. He was keeping track of him, knew what villain groups were in the area.

Hitoshi had been in another city when it happened. A place he was unfamiliar with. He’d run away again, and run into the wrong people.

It took Shouta nearly three days to find him after that.

He hadn’t seen Slip in a few days when he finally ran into him. For once, he’d found the kid instead of the other way around, and he wasn’t facing a mugger or a thief. He was slumped against the wall of an alley, sweatshirt seemingly still damp from yesterday’s rain. His shoulders trembled.

Shouta slid down the wall to sit next to him, leaving some space between them. Slip’s breaths were labored, the trembling looking more violent and uncontrolled closer-up.

“Hey, Mr. Eraser,” came the quiet greeting. The words were grating, and ended in a fit of nasty-sounding coughs.

“Hey,” Shouta responded, leaning forward to make sure Slip knew he was studying him. What little of his face he could see was flushed, eyes glassy and unfocused.

Slip sniffed, looking away.

“I’m tired,” he said, curling into himself, digging thin fingers into his arms in an attempt to stop the shaking. “I’m tired, Mr. Eraser.”

Shouta reached out slowly, laying his fingers on the kid’s forehead. It was damp and hot. “You should rest, then. Do you have somewhere you can rest? I can get you medicine.”

Slip just hummed a little in response, and they sat in silence.

“Hey,” Slip said, sniffing again through some heavy congestion. “It’s my birthday today.”

“Yeah? I should get you some birthday cake too, then.”

Slip laughed a little. “I don’t think I could eat it.”

“Maybe when you’re better, then. How old are you turning?”

Slip hesitated a bit, and buried his face in his knees. “Thirteen.”

That…was younger than Shouta had expected. He’d expected the teenage part, but he’d thought that he’d be fifteen at the youngest.

He’s been chasing a twelve-year-old for six months.

Slip coughs again, and Shouta’s heart stutters in his chest. It sounds bad. Really bad. The coughs last a long time, and Shouta has to rub his back before they taper off. The kid slumps a little more, breathing hard.

He can’t leave him out here. He’ll die if he spends more time outside.

“I have a son around your age,” he says slowly.

“Really?”

“Really.”

Hitoshi had been younger than this. Shouta had chased him down time and time again, because he was the only one who could find him and bring him in after he’d run away again.

That last time, Hitoshi refused to come with him. He huddled deep into an old draining pipe, staring out at him with terrified, unfocused eyes.

Hitoshi had tried to fight off the villain group with his quirk, and they’d taken a liking to it. He’d escaped, but not before they’d locked a muzzle around his jaw, locking his mouth shut.

He was half-dead with dehydration by the time Shouta found him. He’d crouched outside that pipe for four hours, coaxing the kid out. It wasn’t until he promised that he wouldn’t have to go to another foster home, that he could stay with him, that Hitoshi had dragged himself out of the pipe, collapsing into Shouta’s arms.

Hitoshi had been eight at the time. Five years later, and he hadn’t run away once.

Being a single parent and an underground hero at the same time was hard, but Shouta doesn’t know how he’d lived without him before.

Beside him, Slip starts to cry. He’d been too careful this time. Twelve was too young to be on the streets for that long. What had happened to Hitoshi had made him paranoid, unwilling to force the issue, but he should have moved faster. Should have gotten this kid safe sooner. The sobs are broken, interrupted with coughing.

“I’m tired, Mr. Eraser,” the kid says again. “I want to go home.”

“I can take you home.”

Slip shakes his head. “There’s nothing there anymore.”

“You can come home with me.”

It’s not the first time he’s offered, but it’s the first time Slip doesn’t shrug it off. Instead, he sniffs loudly and says, “really?”

Shouta reaches out again and brushes the damp hair from Slip’s forehead, hesitating before pushing the hood of his hoodie down off his head.

Slip’s hair is dirty, and matted, and wet, but he thinks it might be green. “Really.”

The kid slumps against him, burying his head in Shouta’s shoulder. The fever burns through the fabric of his hero costume.

“Okay.”

It’s quiet, but it’s permission. Shouta moves slowly, but sweeps the kid up into his arms bridal style, keeping his head rested on his shoulder. Slip’s head lolls, and the kid stares up at him with clouded eyes.

He’s sick and vulnerable and young and he trusts Shouta so much, he should have done this weeks ago.

“What’s your name, kid?”

“Izuku.”

“Well, Izuku, when you feel better, we can get some birthday cake.”

Shouta walks towards his apartment. It’s not far, and Hitoshi will be home from school soon. Shouta had told him weeks ago that he may have to start sharing his room. Izuku hums, smiling slightly at the mention of birthday cake.

By the time they reach the apartment, the kid is already asleep.

[killemdillem]

hi! i’m going to a&m this fall and majoring in bio and was wondering if you have any advice or any ideas on what things to join? i’m so nervous also i’m rooming at dunn hall- is it nice? sorry i’m just really scared to start college thank u!

Hi anon! First off, congrats on your acceptance. Glad to have you be a part of the Aggie family :)

Oof, so they may end up being a bit of a long post and I apologize in advance. First of all, if you’re pre-med then I would suggest you switch to biomedical sciences. It’s the major that is intended for pre-med majors. If you’re interested in nursing, I would suggest switching to allied health. If you decide to continue with biology, then here we go.

First I’d all, make sure you don’t take Gen chem, calc, and bio 1 all in the same semester. That was the biggest mistake I made and my GPA suffered for that. choose 2 out of those 3 but please do NOT take all of those together. It’s a very heavy workload and I would not suggest that for anyone, especially when someone is getting used to being away from home. Do NOT putting off studying for an exam to just a day before. This is nothing like the tests you took in high school. Your grade will reflect the fact that you just started studying last night. Majoring in biology is a lot of memorization first the biology classes and a lot of application for gen chem, so be prepared for that. I would suggest starting to study about a week in advance. Also, Chegg will save your ass once in chem lab. It helps with all of the Sapling quizzes you will take. Quizlet will also be your friend. Do not put off stuff until the last minute if your not roosted to pull an all nighter.

Biology 214 with Bernardo may seem easy, but he’s a difficult prof. Do not put off studying for the course. He’s gotten better from what I’ve heard, but his quizzes are still very detail oriented.

I would suggest you join biology student association of medical student association if that’s the route you plan on taking. There are also fun organization such as APO, which I wasn’t a part of but I had a lot of friends in it and they had a great time.

I lived in Krueger hall my freshman year. I don’t really know much about Dunn hall, so I’m sorry about that. It’s nice to live on campus because you can take naps in between classes but if possible, I’d honestly suggest getting an apartment. It’s really inconvenient sharing a room with another person. It’s also annoying that you have no actual sink or kitchen. It’s definitely doable and honestly highly recommended for freshmen to live in the dorms the first year, but imma be honest... it’s much nicer to have your own apartment. There’s plenty of buses that will take you to and from campus to your apartment if you’re worried about not having a car.

Make sure you take advantage of the student rec center and the dining hall. Getting used to dining hall food was probably one of the more difficult parts of my freshman year. Nothing seems to be as good as homemade food but it’s fine. You can always look like “quick dorm recipes” if you’re not feeling anything in the dining halls.

Make sure you have plenty of shorts and comfy sneakers because you will be waking A LOT! I’d say you will average about 5 miles a day, so be prepared! Sunscreen and hats are also highly recommended.

Since you will most likely be there a week early for Giggem/Howdy week, use that time to figure out where your classes will be. You’ll get lost a lot and that’s totally fine. It’s a really big campus with a lot of buildings. You can either download the A&M app with has a map that you can use to guide you from building to building or simply use google maps. Most of your classes will be in Heldenfels and HECC, both of which are really close to each other. You may have a class or two in the Academic building, but that’s close too. You’ll have some classes on West campus once you take higher level courses.

Let’s see... I could honestly keep going on and on about this but I’ll shut up for now lol. If you want professor recommendations or if you’re interested in a minor, let me know! You’re welcome to continue messaging me through anon or you can just shoot me a private message too. I’m so sorry this ended up being a whole novel, but I tried to make sure I addressed everything you asked and I hope you don’t end up making the mistakes I did! Let me know if there’s anything else :)

I hope you have a great freshman year! ❤️

[fire-fira]

Nonbinary Awareness Week Day 2: Coming To Terms

(This is probably going to get wordy as heck.)

First time I heard terms around being nonbinary or about there being more than two genders:

Whoooooo boy. Okay, so the first time I heard terms for it was sometime in my teens (because yay, the now dated af documentary [Middle Sexes]-- dear gods, I had to be around 18 or 19 even though it feels like I saw it when I was way younger, more around 13, smh). First time I was aware of there being more than two genders though... That was back when I was 4. I didn’t have the words for it back then beyond ‘I know I’m not a girl. So does that make me a boy? ...Noooooo, I’m not that either.’ (Not that I was saying that to anyone around me, because no one asked.)

When and how I realized I was nonbinary:

LOL

Like I said with the first question, I knew I was nonbinary when I was 4. (I’m an allistic hyperlexic and I was WAY too smart for my own good as a little kid. I was thinking through cause-and-effect when I was 4 and reading at a college level in first grade. So me going through that whole ‘Why are they calling me that? That’s weird and isn’t right, I’m not a girl. Okay, if I’m not a girl does that mean I’m a boy? ...Noooooo, I’m not that either’ string of logic at that age was entirely on brand for me.)

Something else that was entirely on brand for me at that age was looking at the world around me and not seeing any examples of what I knew I was and immediately coming to the conclusion that if I told anyone I wasn’t a girl or a boy that they’d think I was insane and have me committed to an asylum and I’d never be let out. Not fun times. (Though hilariously enough, that same logic I had as a kid also came to the conclusion that since I wasn’t a girl or a boy that it was impossible for me to be straight. Yes, I seriously thought out that sort of crud and came to that conclusion as a kid. And considering I’m aroace turns out I was right-- though obviously not for the reasons I thought back then. lol)

Though the first time I saw an example of anything in fiction that said ‘that’s what I am’ in terms of my gender to little me was when I was 5 and saw the anime Dominion Tank Police for the first time. (The character didn’t even have any lines and was unconscious in a sort of stasis, and then wasn’t even on screen for long. Pretty sad if you think about it, but 5-year-old me was enthralled by the idea of seeing a character like me when I didn’t think that was possible.)

Second example of a character in fiction that read as nonbinary to me was way back in 1st grade and it was a book on tape. I can’t remember the title or the author (infuriatingly enough), but I do remember that the main character (named X) was able to mentally jump from one person to another and ‘inhabit’ them without anyone knowing they were there ‘controlling’ the person’s actions, and that X’s pronouns shifted with whoever they were temporarily inhabiting. (Little me both was and wasn’t envious of the idea. On one hand, being able to switch around like that would have been nice; on the other hand, never being seen as me and only as other people is something that I found unnerving, and still do.)

Did I ever consider being a label other than the one I identify with, and what was the process of finding my gender like?:

From ages 4 to 18 there was a TON of me not saying outright what I was, but also trying to be read as nonbinary as possible. I was so painfully obvious about being nonbinary that it was like a rhinoceros wearing a tutu and a tiara and trying to hide behind a 1 ft tall bush and claim it was a ballerina. No one was buying it. But since most people around me didn’t have the mental framework to even conceive of anyone nonbinary, there was a lot of me freaking people out because they could tell I was ‘weird’ but they couldn’t put into words or place how I was ‘weird’.

I tried to figure out terms back in junior high to early high school, but the ones back then didn’t really stick. (They were way too caught up in my aroace-ness too, and just didn’t feel right. I let go of the two terms I thought up back then because they also felt kind of pretentious to me and I didn’t like that feeling.)

I came to third-gender as the term that just felt right when I was 22 or 23 thanks to self-education and finding Will Roscoe’s [Changing Ones]. (And damned if my mixed-race Native ass wasn’t relieved to know that a lot of NDN cultures recognize(d) people like me for who we are/were. And yeah, I know there are some things in that book that are questionable, but at the time it was what I needed.)

For a while in my early-to-mid 20s I considered identifying as genderqueer, but I couldn’t pin down the definition for it in my head and that made me uncomfortable-- and with the fact that one of the possible definitions is ‘a person not identifying with socially constructed gender roles’ (which can apply to some cis people), I felt like it wasn’t clear enough in stating that I am not a woman or man. So I ditched it pretty quickly.

I also had a brief stint in my early 20s of wondering if I was intersex and had been operated on before I fully grasped the concept that anatomy =/= gender. (I might or might not be, genetics and biology is weird and complicated and I don’t really care, though as far as I’m aware I’m not.)

Calling myself nonbinary more generally clicked into place when I was about 25.

I’ve vaguely considered Two Spirit, but 1) I don’t feel like I have a right to that term without someone else Native saying that I am (for complicated personal reasons), and 2) part of me feels it’s not quite as specific as I’d prefer for my own self-description.

Have I come out to anyone else? Who?:

AHAHAHAHAAAAAA-- I started coming out more openly in my early 20s and I never freaking looked back.

First person I actually came out to (in that complicated ‘I’m not a girl or guy’ way) was the school counselor for my grade on the last day of my senior year of high school. Talk about dropping an info bomb and running.

First person in my family I came out to was a cousin who I’m not close to (and has serious issues, which I’m hoping she’ll eventually get better from), and even though I haven’t seen her in years (she kind of burned all bridges with our family) my fiance’s seen her around recently and has told me that my cousin used the right pronouns for me. Honestly didn’t expect that when at least two (loud) members of my family won’t even give me that respect.

My family knows, all my friends know, back when I was in college I made it a point to come out on the first day of classes every class, and I make it a point to come out if I’m going to be interacting with anyone for an extended period of time rather than just a few minutes. Why? Because I am still PAINFULLY FREAKING OBVIOUS, and if I tell people right off the bat then they’re able to get over the internal ‘OMG THAT PERSON’S WEIRD! BUT HOWWWW????????’ pretty quickly instead of freaking out over trying to pick apart why I trip their sense of ‘this person is strange’.

If you’re not out, are you planning to come out? Is being out important to you?:

I am SO thoroughly out.

I cannot and WILL NOT go back to lying about who I am. I was so damn miserable before I stopped lying and trying to hide that I’m an enby. No one can pay me enough to ever willingly go back to that.

And again, I’m painfully obvious. I can’t hide, even if people have the biggest cis-normative goggles on, because my behavior, personality, intonation, and body language-- everything of who I am-- gives me away. It’s honestly safer for me to be upfront about my gender than it is to try to hide it, because if I’m going to be tripping wires for people anyway then I may as well give them the framework to understand it so they don’t stress and obsess over it to the point of either ostracizing me or being outright hostile. (Yes, that’s happened to me a lot in my life.)

Plus my being so blatantly out has helped a bunch of other people where I live come to terms with the fact that they’re enbies too. And there is no way in hell I will ever regret having helped others have the confidence to be who they are.