#fun fact this started from the sol idea so his may have a lot more

[vylithscat]

technically my third post of the week,, as much as i'd like to wait till next week or monday, i really like the hc i did for this week! so consider this a bonus lol

prompt: gifts mc recieves from the bros/dateables that mean a lot between the two that not everyone can understand genre: fluffy, very fluff (asmo's is slightly suggestive), gn!mc pairings: bros, dateables + luke (per usual, pet names from here)

After growing close to demons and angels alike, even a human sorcerer, you were bound to receive a gift or two as thanks for being a friend, but when Solomon was the first to give you a gift, that being a vial of his blood, you reciprocated with your own vial.

You’ve gotten stares, questions and even attempts of theft of your vial, but you hold it close and smack away a hand when it comes close, unless it was the donor himself. However, some of the others around you have been handing you a few too many items too, like..

LUCIFER

The pen he officiated you being the exchange student

He wasn’t connect to it at all but after a late night of work, he noticed it’s ink running low and you appeared with a new vial

With a smile and a quick peck on your cheek, he mumbles, “Thank you, my dear.”

You reciprocate with a peck on his lips

Before you walk away, he intertwined his fingers with yours and brings you close, his face brushing against your abdomen

“I want you to have this pen.”

“Why? You need it right now.”

“I have many others, my dear.”

He let go of your hand and when you felt something in it, you looked down at his pen that was decorated with gold details

It took.. A lot out of you to even give you a hint about why he wanted to give you it

“Do you remember how I chose you, my dear? I still had to officiate it after the picking, perhaps I feel that’s the pen I did it in.”

MAMMON

His sunglasses, at least for a while, but he can always buy a new pair! (You’ll match..)

He HATES looking at that vial, and to block your vision a little, he popped his sunglasses on your face

They were sliding down your face a lot so you had to push it up a lot

“Mammonie?” His head popped up from the crook of your neck, “Do you want your glasses back?”

“Do ya not like them? I have others I can give ya.”

Pause to allow Mammon process

He has reburied his face to hide the blush that’s creeping to his ears

Give him 3-5 business days to get back to you (he won’t last more than an hour)

Whenever you’re around him, expect him to slowly slip his sunglasses on your face

Is VERY CAREFUL to not poke your eye

Already has another pair in case you take his originals

Physically cannot look at you either or he will blush like a maniac

LEVIATHAN

An author and artist signed manga

Not just any manga, it’s ‘I refuse to admit I’m jealous that my significant other got a gift from someone else and HAVE to get them something without them knowing, but I’m not jealous, I swear!’

It’s a manga he read recently and was absorbed in

Course, poking his cheek or any physical contact snapped him out of it, like tonight

“W-When did you get here, and why d-did you poke my cheek!?”

“I wanted to come visit you, Levichan.”

His heart might’ve stopped for a second, let Leviathan.exe reboot

“Are you reading a new manga?”

“Y-Yeah.. I was gonna give it to you when I was d-done..”

And by give it to you, he meant it

Finishes it in a couple of hours then stops by your room with an equally red face than before

Doesn’t say a word, just hands you the manga and runs once it’s in your hands

Until he’s far away, to which you hear, “I-I hope you like it, player 2!!”

SATAN

Something with cats, books or that can cause mischief

So, why not combine it all?

He gave you a gift box with books you’d been looking for and a set of pens you kept missing the sale of

Those pens though, we’re disappearing ink, and only worked under a black light, the ink existed for about 5 minutes then disappeared

You figured that out pretty quickly when making notes on the book on a few sticky notes

“Satan?” He hummed in acknowledgment, “I think you got the disappearing ink by accident.”

“It wasn’t by accident.”

You use this chance to write him notes that he’d have to wait ages to decipher, as slight revenge

Just write simple messages like ‘I love you’ or a heart to fuck with him

Though expect a few back with a smug smile

Also borrows those pens to cause (subtle, shockingly) problems to Lucifer’s work

And will let you join him if you want to, but don’t expect to get away with it when you’re both giggling away in Lucifer’s office

ASMODEUS

Can and will get you lingerie or toys for your own pleasure

But a more tame thing is love letters or doing as he did before; spa days

The love letters are all about him gushing over you

He doesn’t give them daily since he wants you to savor the fact he wrote that letter, but he really really wants to

He loves your face when he hands them to you, when you open it and how your eyes soften as you read what he wrote

You REALLY know how to make him fall for you all over again, do you?

His spa days with you become much more thorough

You want a head massage today? Legs? Arms? Whatever you want, he’ll take care of while grazing your skin with his lips (or teeth, if you’re both in that mood)

His goal is to see you flushed or blissed out, or both, that’s his ultimate goal!

The lingerie and toys are much more specific and may take some testing or special measurements, just a small warning

BEELZEBUB

His jacket, and would fully give it to you for a day if you ask

The thing’s huge on you and you have to scrunch up the sleeves a lot to use your hands

But it’s so soft inside and the fact it’s big makes it easy to get all comfy, the fur around the collar is a big bonus

The first time he gave it to you was cause it became cold out and you were shivering

Reassured you he wasn’t cold while rubbing your arms to warm you up faster

Most likely carried you home that night too

Now he’ll give you his jacket if you tug on it a certain way or if he has a match of Fangol and wants his good luck charm comfy

It helps him spot you a lot easier when he needs a confidence boost

Wave back at him with your hand still in the sleeve and he might lose a bit of focus though

BELPHEGOR

One of his favorite pillows but don’t expect it to stay forever

He doesn’t take it back completely, just takes it back when it smells a lot like you

Cuddles it, re-scents it, drops it back in your room and leaves

Unless you’re there, then you’re gonna have him flopping next to you and nuzzling your side for attention

At night he’ll come in for cuddles and smile like an idiot when you’re resting on his pillow

You have so many others, but the one you got from him was picked

It’s really nice for him to see

Snuggles into your bed with a small hum while you unconsciously intertwine your fingers into his hair

“Hi cuddle bug..”

“Hi sleep prince..”

DIAVOLO

He wanted to give you two things, but since he had to choose, he ‘combined them’

After some communication, he was able to get you a chamber to stay in while you’re at the castle

Thought he still prefers you in his room

The second thing was waiting on your bed

It was a necklace with a jewel that changes color depending on how it’s tilted

It was a jewel from the castle and Diavolo showed you where it came from

“You didn’t have to take that from your castle, Dia..”

Diavolo pouted before turning to you and taking your hands in his

“But I wanted to! That way, a part of Devildom is always with you, no matter where you may go.”

BARBATOS

Honestly, he must have a dozen tea sets for Diavolo to pick from

And he does the same for you when you come visit

Whatever set you want, he’ll bring for you

Today he offers it to you as he’s bringing you to your room

“I can’t take one of your tea sets, Barbie..”

His face softened slightly as he gently guided his hand along your cheek

“You’re not taking one, I’m giving you one, by choice. Please, pick your favorite. I have enough.”

Let’s you look over each set he has and carefully packages your choice while cooing over you

He is covering up his coos with compliments though, he just wants to make you flustered

Promises to bring you tea from time to time so you can get good use of the set

SIMEON

A quill and ink set, a very fancy one

He’s never said where he gets it and buys you new ink when you’re running out (to your dismay)

The quill feather is extremely soft and delicate

It’s ink glides across any paper with ease and is very subtle with how it sparkles

It’s a beautiful set, one Simeon droned on about in the past and you thought he got this for himself

“I thought about it, but I already have my own set for when I want to write. So, I thought I’d get you one.”

Does not elaborate further but happily shows you the perfect way to write calligraphy with the quill

Trying to convince him to let you buy the ink will cause him to shake his head while smiling before cupping your face with a, “No.”

LUKE

A decorated picture frame with a photo of you and him together

Simeon was with you when the picture was taken but Luke saw something cool and scurried off

Chasing after him, he begged you for a photo and you obliged before finding Simeon again

You don’t know when he printed it or when he began his little arts and crafts project, but it’s adorable

The frame has stars and little yellow dots on it

At the top, it says ‘best friend’ in little yellow letters with extra stars around it

He was very red handing it to you and extra nervous when you were looking at it

Give him a hug and thank the lil guy

Ease his poor little nerves and then set up his present so he can see it when he visits

SOLOMON

Listen.. Hear me out here..

Is it a little weird he has your blood and you have his? Maybe, but the blood pact hc rots my brain, I’m sorry

Aside from that, he does like toying around with yours while it hangs from his neck

He’s also just,, so fucking smug about it around others

Like the blood pact scar, he will rub the vial between his pointer finger and thumb

He finds it soothing, especially when you’re not around

And you, you can do whatever you want with his vial and he finds it interesting

DIGS into you when you come see him the day after getting it

“Enjoying your vial? I’m enjoying mine!”

Biggest grin he’s had in awhile, even bigger if you’re around the bros/angels

Toy with his vial around him, he’ll love it and do the same

Psst.. Trace the scar too.. Watch him melt instead of being smug

[faithofgods]

Hi Aven! What does each family think about the ROs? And their relationship with the MCs (when dating maybe)?

Hi ! This is such a fun question but the answer got. Very Long

TL;DR is:

Sol — Mydras mixed, Sedruadal approved, Astium neutral Khiita — Mydras mixed, Sedruadal neutral, Astium mixed Flor — Mydras approved, Sedruadal approved, Astium mixed Cían — Mydras mixed, Sedruadal neutral, Astium neutral

Mydras

As a friend, Sol's relationship with MC's parents is strained. There's not outright bad blood, but Sol is someone who frequents the more unsavory aspects of the world, and there's a fear that they have a strong (and in their minds, undue) influence over MC. Both parents tend to ignore Sol's presence when they visit and stay away until they leave; they'll be cordial if either bumps into Sol, may politely ask how things are going back home, but it rarely goes deeper than that. Sol is only really 'tolerated' because of how close they are with MC

Dating or otherwise involved, there's a lot of apprehension around the idea of Sol and MC together. MC is nobility, Sol isn't; they have no true idea of the other's world, of the expectations MC will be met with in the coming years and how their familial duties are meant to come before any personal attachments they create. There is, however, more consideration and acknowledgement given to Sol if they start dating—neither parent can afford to ignore them any longer and sit passively by hoping that one day Sol grows bored enough to cease coming around altogether. Any bond that forms will be slow to do so, and at best, it will remain incredibly fragile

The grieves, however, adore Sol, and view them as fondly as if they had raised them themselves—and in some ways, with how often Sol visited, they did. They dote on them as surely as they do MC, and if the two were to ever become involved, the grieves would insist that they predicted it ages ago and that them together was only a matter of time

—

Khiita, at the parents' base opinion of her, is a powerful person to know. Regardless of her intentions in Mydras, regardless of her own personal allegiances, that one fact will never change. They find her odd, can see that she has a tendency to be piercingly blunt and favors sharper observations than most would consider polite, but it's no worse than those either parent deals with daily among other nobility. And of the two, MC's father would have an easier time find something to connect with her over, as they have a shared interest in the more artistic pursuits of life

Involved, there is no one better than the [redacted information]. The doors their relationship will open, the sheer influence gained from such a match, and the fact that their child is happy and safe as a result of it—the downsides are few, and the gains innumerable. Realistically and as with most people MC might end up with, the parents would still struggle to form a solid bond with her, but she'd have their respect and their approval, and to them, that is the only thing that matters

And the grieves are undecided on her. Her station unnerves them, is of a much higher level than any of them are used to dealing with, and they think she's too good at finding and prodding at one's deepest secrets or things they'd otherwise like to keep hidden. They can recognize though that she means no harm beyond minor self-amusement, and more than that, they trust MC; they essentially raised them, they know that they'd never get involved with someone truly dangerous

—

Whether as a friend or as a partner, in the parents' eyes, Flor is the perfect match. Charming, incredibly kind, and of an appropriate and equal station. The two families already know of the other, have been in the same circles for years and interacted on a base level, and Flor is someone the parents' would have encouraged MC to become close with if an interest was ever shown in that way

Flor already has the parents' approval as a close friend, and that approval only skyrockets if they start dating; it's an eagerness to get to know Flor and the rest of their family and a willingness to make them feel welcomed and settled that wouldn't really be shown to the other ROs. Part of this is familiarity, and a larger part is because of who Flor's family is

The grieves feel a similar way, though it's less to do with who Flor's family is and more with who they are. They like Flor, thought they were sweet when they were young and only grew sweeter, and would both be proud to know the person they've become, and proud of MC for finding happiness (in whatever form) with them

—

Cían is in a similar boat to Khiita, where his title and overall station in life is something the parents would approve of, but his demeanor and personality is something they would struggle with. He's too quiet when he should be bold, too snappish when he should stand down, and their getting along would fall less on them and more on him. Both parents are stubborn, too, so it's likely their relationship would become as it is with Sol, where it's cordial and brief and not much else

Dating or otherwise involved, Cían would make more of an effort, so their relationship and thus the parents' opinion of him would improve. Not a lot, but enough for the parents to think of him as more than just a title and an old family name

With the grieves, what stage they first meet Cían in would greatly impact their opinion of him. If it's early in the relationship, when he's still blunt and abrasive, it would go down much harder than when he's softened deeper into one—this goes for friendship or otherwise. Ultimately, the grieves wish for MC to be happy and to have a fulfilling life. If Cían is a key part of that, then so be it—they'll make the effort to make him feel truly a part of it

Sedruadal

Since first meeting and all the years after, Sol has fit in seamlessly with MC's family. They have a similar energy to the mothers, get along well with both siblings, and above all, are treated and viewed as an extension of their family

If becoming involved, there would be some worry there from the mothers, mainly around their history, whether it was something that's been thought out, and whether they would be able to work out any differences or tensions that might arise as a partner that wouldn't as a friend; they've been so close for so long and are rare to disagree about anything, so neither MC or Sol have seen those sides to the other. Those things, and Sol's past trauma (and whether they've been seeking and allowing help in dealing with it) would be their only real concerns

Since Sol gets along with both siblings, there’s never been any cause for friction. With the older sister, there’s more exasperated fondness from her to them because of how annoying they can be, and Sol adores the younger sibling almost—because who could ever compare?—as much as they do MC; they have a solid bond with both, and they’re made the effort to keep it solid with each and every visit

—

Initially, Khiita would come across as very intense and at odds with both mothers’ much more lax personalities, and while that would fade eventually given time, there would still be some bridging of the gaps between them all that’s necessary

Whether as a friend or as a partner, Khiita would be treated warmly and welcomed in, but there would be concerns about what her station will require of her, and whether that’s something that can easily be fulfilled or even continued when she’s so far from home

And while Khiita’s relationship might be surface-level with the mothers for a while, she would take to the younger sibling immediately. There’s that common ground in their shared interest in the arts, and it’s something Khiita would openly encourage in them and be genuinely supportive of / would actively engage with. Beyond that, their personalities would mesh very well; the sibling likes listening to Khiita’s stories, and Khiita can monologue enough for the both of them. Her relationship with the older sister wouldn’t be as strong, but like with the mothers, they’d warm to and adjust to each other over time

—

Like with Khiita (though relating less to personality and more to social and family history/connections), there would be some initial wariness from the mothers towards Flor and what they fear might be expected of MC. Spending time with them though and learning how removed Flor keeps themself from their family’s status would alleviate a lot of that

As a friend or as a partner, Flor is thought of as someone kind but more importantly: reliable. There are no major worries from the mothers beyond those initial concerns over their family, and they’d view the relationship—in whatever form it takes—as something incredibly healthy, and would want to be as supportive and encouraging of it as possible

This goes the same for the siblings; with the younger, Flor is seen as someone who's just nice to be around and spend time with, and with the older, they have a good rapport. Flor is someone who asks a lot of questions and gets very invested in the interests of the people they care about, so there's a lot of openness on both sides to have + hold a good relationship

—

Cían would struggle with the mothers for a very long time, and it wouldn't be for a lack of trying on his end. They'd be very wary of both his status and his upbringing, and have concerns similar to what they'd have with Khiita, and as a partner, they'd have some apprehension over whether he's truly able to settle for a life more 'simple' than what he'd find in a Mydrian, noble-born partner

It's something that would lessen considerably when they saw just how much effort he's putting in, and how adamant he is on learning as much about their lives and traditions as he can; this applies both to him as a friend and as a partner

With the siblings, it's a bit of a mixed bag. There's no animosity, but instead a great deal of awkwardness involved; Cían is an only child raised in an extremely difficult family, so he has little idea of how to interact with others and their families. The sister would be polite for the most part, maybe a bit short with him in the beginning and gradually warming, but beyond working in similar fields, she wouldn't have much to go off of and they wouldn't ever really grow close. He'd fare better with the younger sibling, as sitting in complete silence each other's company with no expectation of actually interacting is a lot more acceptable with them than with her, but it's still something he'd have trouble with for a long time

Astium

Sol isn't necessarily disliked by MC's father, they're just not ever really thought about. Most of their interactions in the past have been quick things, brushed from his mind moments after parting and never touched upon further

There'd be surprise, if Sol was to ever be reintroduced to him as MC's partner, but ultimately he wouldn't have much to say on it beyond some slight (and unexpressed) disapproval that it's someone of a much lower status. MC is the youngest, the family's affairs are already being tended to by their sisters and brother, and the father has already tried a partnership based on the Court's whims. Maybe they'll have a more lasting one completely separate from it

And it's a weird bet with the siblings; none of them think of Sol all that often, and while the brother is polite and the sisters welcoming when they visit, they all have their own social circles and none of them are particularly interested in expanding them. As a partner, it would improve a little; questions asked and fascination expressed over MC stepping outside of societal norms, maybe even an invitation to the occasional event that they wouldn't have extended previously, but otherwise, not much will have changed

Generally, these views/opinions of both father and siblings apply to all ROs, with some caveats dependent on dating/being involved:

With Khiita, there is much more initial interest to be found from the family; while with the siblings it would quickly wane when it became clear she's not fond of ~playing the game~ in the same way they all are (i.e, subtly) and that when she did she was much, much better at it than them, the father's would last. His approval of her would be clear from the get-go, all thoughts of status aside

With Flor, they would struggle a lot to get on and find common ground with the siblings. It'd be a little easier with the brother as they're used to dealing with quieter people and are good at getting them to open up, but it wouldn't ever really be a super strong bond. The father would approve though, especially after learning of Flor's family, though his approval would lie less in Flor's Saint father and more in their mother, as she's from a prominent Astian family

And with Cían, he would want nothing to do with the siblings. As friendly as they are with each other and as disinterested as they would be in him, he's had enough of being around the kinds of people the Court tends to attract. With the father, he's not all that impressed by Mydrian nobility, so Cían's family name would be meaningless to him. Beyond that, he's too quiet to linger in his thoughts longer than anyone else, so it'd be a very similar situation to his relationship with Sol

[scripturiends]

you know what keeps me up at night. it's the fact that joonhwi's only real friend in law school is kang sol a.

seo jiho may be his roommate, but because of joonhwi's relationship with seo byungju, jiho has always kept him at a distance and somehow always regarded him with suspicion. now that they're past that, joonhwi is helping jiho with his dad's case, but it's still a case. it's still, in a way, a favor.

we can say that he's friends with yeseul but that doesn't necessarily mean that they treat each other as equals. maybe it's the age gap, maybe it's the perceived difference in intellect, but yeseul looks up to him so that usually stops her from being casual around him.

from kang sol b's personality alone, we know that she barely talks to anyone unless it's a snappy remark. when it comes to joonhwi, her feelings towards him can maybe tame her a bit, but it holds her back from being her true self precisely because she has a crush on him. around joonhwi, she gets shy.

for seungjae, we never actually see the two properly interact - actually makes me wonder how or why joonhwi accepted him into the study group in the first place.

bokgi, we can argue that they're friends, sure, but we don't see enough interactions or hints that would make me believe that they were actual close friends. usually, it's bokgi and yebeom who are the inseparable duo, and we all know yebeom likes to talk his shit. honestly, the way yebeom talked about joonhwi behind his back when he was accused for killing his uncle ticked me off. it didn't help that bokgi just sat there and took it, particularly in ep 3 when they were talking about where joonhwi could have hid evidence and literally no one defended his honor just because he wasn't there.

no one, except kang sol a.

sometimes it makes me wonder if people in hankuk law school only find interest in han joonhwi just because he's a second round judicial exam passer. and sure, at the beginning, kang sol a was a victim of this too. when he was being sued for defamation, i remember her saying, "if you leave the school, what about my studies?" so okay, sure, let's establish at the beginning that she also is interested in him for his utility.

but then she finds a reason to defend him - for defamation, she understood that he did it for the public interest. in fact, right after she successfully defended her answer in front of the class, she looked longingly at joonhwi's empty seat, as if she wished joonhwi could have been there to see it for himself.

and then when yebeom talked behind his back while the police were interrogating him, what did kang sol a say? "stop talking about a guy behind his back. if you're dying to know, ask him."

and that is the basic respect that everyone forgets to give joonhwi just because he stopped being useful to them. but kang sol a, whether unconsciously or not, "pays him back" by being useful to him as well.

after joonhwi was confronted by his aunt, telling him to sign a contract denouncing his name on seo byungju's will, there was a moment where he sits alone, sullen, and kang sol a stares at him from afar. she knows words won't do much for him, so she takes matters into her own hands. she was the one who discovered that joonhwi's aunt manipulated the autopsy, because deep inside, she knew that joonhwi was someone she could trust.

i think that's when the shift in their relationship started. what once was "two people in the same study group" turned into an actual, meaningful friendship, cultivated by a silent promise that one would help the other out even if they didn't ask for it. because they were no longer expecting anything from each other, they could actually talk about things other than school.

and true enough, we see sol a let joonhwi into a part of her life that no one else at school knew about – her family. her home. and then eventually, their shared past. that bond goes beyond study group obligations, which is more than we can say for everyone else joonhwi has interacted with so far.

and most importantly, even though sol a is completely oblivious to the not-so-subtle glances that joonhwi sends her way, it's not like she doesn't have her own way of showing her fondness to him: it's the fact that she can rant to him (and often does so) that makes me think she likes him a lot more than she's aware of.

think back to episode 8: who else would she be so comfortable enough with to admit that she actually thought about stealing exam papers? or in episode 6 where she opens up about having a twin sister? or in the same episode, when he asks her if she's okay and she can honestly answer that she isn't? or in episode 9, where she runs to him about an idea that she stayed up all night thinking about? you can only talk about stuff like that with someone you're close to, someone you share a connection with, someone you trust.

not to mention, they always go to the trials together. it's a small gesture, but the fact that they are in each other's presence, is enough to make me believe that one seeks the other out to invite them in the first place.

and that's why, whether there are romantic undertones or not, i'm happy that han joonhwi has found a friend in kang sol a. not only are they same-aged friends (which is i think a big deal in their culture), but they're lucky enough to be on the same wavelength that they can count on each other when it matters the most, when things are serious, but also have a little (or a lot) of fun when things aren't so serious, when they need to be reminded that they have a life outside of law school.

and when you get to share a part of your life with someone, a part of yourself that you wouldn't necessarily share with just anyone else, well, isn't that just the makings of a soulmate?

[un2-verse]

BILLY — Kim Taehyung (3)

Synopsis: News of a Sadistic Serial Killer nicknamed “Jigsaw” is spreading around town like wildfire… the nickname stemming from the puzzle piece he cuts from every victim’s body. No one knows who he’ll trap next but in a town full of delinquents and criminals, it could never be you. Right?

Pairing: yandere!Taehyung x f!reader

genre: angst, horror, weirdly some fluff lol

Warnings: dark themes, yandere, stalking, manipulation, conditioning, mentions of abuse, suicidal ideations/attempts, self harm, murder, depictions of torture etc (basically its gorey and fucked up), angel trap, etc stabbing and guns. do not read if triggered!!!!

wordcount: 2.2k

taglist: @yes-sol-not-soul @yoongiofmine

a/n: pt 3 is here!! honestly i wasnt expecting this amount of support as i’ve never published my writing before so thank u sm ♡ i was inspired to write this one night and i had no idea where it’d go or anything but i’m happy with the way its turning out :D fun fact abt me, i’ve been obsessed w the franchise since i was little and i actually have 2 saw tattoos, one of billy and one above saying “cherish your life” since that’s pretty much the motto of saw :) and i have quite the collection of saw/billy items so why not turn my fav horror film into a fucked up love story! let me know if u would like to be added to the taglist and pls enjoy reading^^ feel free to send me asks abt the series or anything u want~ i love hearing from u guys!! :D ps— taehyung and the reader dont have much interaction in this part,, theyll definitely be more of them together in part 4 :) unedited so pls excuse any mistakes!! tysm <33 and remember these are fictional characters and do not represent bts personally in any way!!

series masterlist

part one part two

The headlines constantly named the Jigsaw Killer, Billy. The somewhat eerie little doll that had a face as white as a Calla Lily with spirals on it’s cheeks as red as the blood that was shed during the tests. Billy was always dressed in a little black suit with a red bowtie and he was (most of the time) situated on a squeaky battered tricycle. Attached was always a tape that read “play me” and when the subjects did, a chilling voice— one that could make even the world's worst predators shiver with terror— would echo around the room.

Everyone knew that a doll clearly wasn’t responsible, yet they gave it the name Billy in hopes to somewhat humanise the face that instilled panic— they did not want to live in fear.

It was the only face behind the killings.

But this time, there was a different subject stuck in the test and Billy had made sure there was no way for them to survive.

“How are you scared of heights? You’re practically a giant yourself!”

“Just because I’m tall doesn’t mean I can’t be scared of heights Y/Nie.”

You had no idea how long had passed since Taehyung had turned up at the garage, you were too busy chatting away squeezed into the kitchen while your Dad, Yoongi and Hobi worked on the cars in the shop. If anyone could hear you both, they would think you’d known eachother since childhood— the playful jokes and light touches exaggerated that.

You’d only known him for a few hours really, if you added the time spent with him on the first day and now. It hadn’t seemed like all those weeks ago that you first met, he had a familiar presence, as though you had known him for years compared to the hours.

“I just wouldn’t imagine you to be scared of anything Taehyung… you seem so confident and fearless.”

You saw the way Taehyung looked at you. His eyes flashed with understanding.

“I did have my fears back then, much like yours.”

“What do you mean?” you had a rough idea on what he meant but you needed him to voice it.

A deep inhale and the words flowed from his lips before he could stop it, “The fear of living. I had been through some stuff you know, growing up. My mum was working a lot and my dad was an alcoholic, he was so fucking possessive and wouldn’t let her go anywhere without kicking off. It was a fucking shitshow and so toxic. This one time though, I’d pretended that I’d gone to school and waited outside the front door. It didn’t take long before I heard shit getting smashed and my dad shouting.” Taehyung was telling the truth only, he left out the part where he was also as possessive, if not more, than his father. Well, let's say… obsessive. “I just ran in the house and saw my dad towering over my mum and I don’t remember what happened but, I do remember my mum crying and my dad disappeared.”

Now Taehyung was lying through his teeth. He remembered clearly, almost like it was yesterday. He smashed the nearest bottle, pulled his mother away from the monster that scared her and stabbed him. Not just once, not twice but thirty-seven times. Hence the thirty seven tattoo on the palm of his right hand (the one he’d actually killed his father with). There was only Taehyung who knew what it meant, he counted every single time the broken glass pierced his father’s body, he counted with a smile on his face and a chuckle in his throat.

You were at a loss for words. Your mouth gaped in shock, eyes wide and your brain scrambled for the right thing to say. You reached over and grabbed his hand, interlacing your fingers. His thumb running back and forth along your hand. “I’m sorry, I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like.” There was no way you could relate, your mother and father were happy and in love. They had the ideal relationship, one you wished for yourself. You could empathise though.

“You don’t need to be sorry baby, it’s in the past and I’ve moved on from it. I was like you though, poisoned by the roots that keep you on the ground even though you wanted nothing more than to break free and be no longer.” A silence fell over you both before Taehyung uttered, “I wasn’t successful with my attempt so now I’m here to help you.”

Warmth spread throughout your body, a smile graced your features as you no longer felt alone.

You had a completely different idea to what those words actually meant.

It was nearing the evening when Taehyung’s car had been fixed. Yoongi popped his head in the kitchen to tell him but stopped himself so as to not interrupt the scene before him. You were laughing along to whatever Taehyung was babbling about with your hand resting on his bicep, with that look in your eyes that he hadn’t seen for years. Yoongi felt himself smile as he saw you hanging onto Taehyung's every word.

For the first time in forever, you looked alive.

Yoongi cleared his throat which drew yours and Taehyung’s attention, “Sorry to interrupt guys. We’ve finished with your car so whenever you’re ready we’ll be outside.” The infamous gummy smile overtook his features, you felt yourself beam in return.

“Thanks man! I’ll be like, five minutes.”

Yoongi nodded his head in reply and swiftly left the room.

You’d taken Tae’s hand into yours, playing with the array of rings that occupied his fingers. Solemn thoughts overtook, am I not gonna see him again? Was this, whatever this is, over before it had even begun? Your eyes stayed on his hand as you turned it over and traced your finger over the inked ‘thirty seven’ on his palm. “What does this mean?”

Taehyung didn’t think twice before he practically beamed out, “It’s my lucky number.”

The difference was, it wasn’t really his lucky number… although he did see it that way. It was the number that had stayed with him. It was something he was proud of, whenever he looked at the hand that killed his father, his chest filled with pride and a joyous feeling overtook his senses. It was his first murder. Something he relished in and thus, created the onslaught of Jigsaw killings. He targeted a certain type— those whose sins would lock them up forever if they were ever found out. Racists, murderers, rapists, drug dealers, con-men. Authoritative figures who abused their power. He even went as far as subjecting suicidal people.

You see, things aren’t sequential. Good doesn’t lead to good, nor bad to bad. People who steal, don’t get caught, they live the good life. Others lie, cheat and get elected.

Some people would call it karma but Taehyung, he called it justice.

He’d started this with one thing on his mind— those that don’t appreciate life do not deserve it.

Whenever a serial killer was on the loose, the press did what they always did. They gave them a nickname. While the public had named the doll Billy. The actual killer was named ‘Jigsaw’.

This stemmed from the jigsaw piece that was cut from the victims skin, no one knew why he was doing it or what it even stood for.

It did have a meaning although unknown to the public.

The jigsaw piece that was cut from the subjects was only ever meant to be a symbol that that subject was missing something. A vital piece of the human puzzle. The survival instinct.

After all, until a person is faced with death, it’s impossible to tell whether they have what it takes to survive.

Across town an underground abandoned warehouse, was where the next subject had found themselves.

They were suspended in the air, their feet merely dangling above the ground. The putrid smell of death lingered in every crevice, the sound of rats scurrying along the concrete floor filled their ears just as they began to stir awake.

A pain in their ribs was the overwhelming factor to them finally coming around. When they groggily opened their eyes, they were paralised with fear due to the scene in front of them.

A doll sat a few feet ahead, perched upon a tricycle. Adorned with a black suit and a red bowtie. A slow red light flashed in his eyes.

Billy.

Before the subject could even register how, when or why they found themselves trapped in a test, footsteps echoed behind them. The subject called out, “Help! Please, somebody help! I shouldn’t be here!”

A tsk reached their ears, as a disembodied voice replied, “Trust me, no one can hear you. Scream all you like. You’d just be wasting your breath, you may as well cherish it before it's gone.”

With hairs stood on end, the subject stilled. “What do you want from me?”

“I don’t want anything from you.” The man's footsteps grew louder. “I’m here to serve justice, that’s all.”

The man rounded the subject, settling in their view with only his cloaked back visible while he tended to the little doll. He touched Billy delicately—like he was a little child that he loved dearly. He combed his gloved hand through the doll's black hair and eventually pulled his fingers from the tresses to pat his head gently.

“You fucking psycho! Let me go!”

He couldn’t help but laugh at that which only infuriated the subject more causing them to shake in anger, a movement they soon ceased when they realised something was penetrating their ribs.

“I’d be very careful if I was you, we wouldn’t want you hurting yourself now… would we?” The cloaked figure spun around. An angry glint to his eye.

“What the fuck, you’re fucking crazy. Let me out, this isn’t right!” The subject tried their hardest to swing their legs, to somehow kick the man who’d imprisoned them.

“I think you’ll find it is right. You’re unworthy of the body you possess.” He inched closer, “see, when someone purposely intends to harm others, they lose their right to life.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

The man arched a brow as he replied, “Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He felt like it was a game of cat and mouse except, he was a tiger and his subject, was the tiniest prey to mankind. “But, let me remind you! Since you can’t get your thick fucking head to work. You’re a liar, a cheater and an abuser. That ring any bells?”

The subject's face dropped.

“Ah, I see by your expression you know exactly what I’m talking about! Glad to see we’re on the same page.” He shrugged his cloak off placing it to the side of the doll. “I want to play a game.”

“What game? This isn’t a fucking game! You’re sick in the head you fucking cunt!”

The atmosphere shifted, the man remained calm while the subject went ballistic.

“What is this? What fucking game?”

“You feel the machine that’s currently occupying your ribs? Well, in about ten minutes that’s going to rip you apart. I’m proud to say that trap is my baby. I’ve been working on it especially for you! How nice is that?” he reached out to tug at the subject’s legs, tormenting them like a cat would a mouse. “Anyway, as my beautiful angel trap will rip you apart, my darling little friend Billy over here,” the subject followed the direction the man's hand pointed, “is going to match your face with the ugliness of your soul.”

“Fuck, fuck this! How do I stop it? Tell me how I fucking stop it!”

A boxy grin overtook the man's face, laughter poured from his mouth as he leaned over and slapped the subject’s leg. “This is a special game.”

“Who are you? What do you mean by ‘special game’?”

He raised himself so he stood tall and grabbed a knife from his pocket, “I’m the man you call Jigsaw.” He traced the tip of the knife along the subject’s ankle, “and when I say a special game… I mean you can’t get out.” While the subject was screaming in realisation, Taehyung walked back for his cloak, hung it over his shoulder and stalked off back the way he came. He sent one last smile to the subject as he rounded them and within the blink of an eye, he gripped the knife and slashed the subject’s achilles.

A chilling scream pierced the eerie atmosphere, the subject couldn’t string words together. Abundances of anxiety, terror and pure panic took reign of their body. Taehyung grabbed the injured muscles and forced his gloved fingers in as he gripped and twisted them, “That’s for Y/N.”

Taehyung had pressed the timer before he cut the subject’s tendons. He grabbed the tape from his pocket and threw it on the ground and with a chuckle he shouted, “Game over!”

Before he reached the end of the hallway, he heard the gunshots pierce his subjects face followed by the sound of the angel trap, even this far away Taehyung heard every crack of the ribs and the noise of the body being tore apart.

Without looking back, Taehyung rounded the corner and slammed the door shut.

He’d chosen the Angel trap for the irony, the subject that was currently hanging from the ceiling was no angel. They were a fucked up, evil, waste of space. Taehyung had done the world a favour, he’d done you a favour.

That got him thinking, how much blood would you shed in order to stay alive?

[a/n: who do we think was in the trap???👀]

[vivacia-18]

May the 4th be with you recs!

Because fanfic is the reason I’m finally getting into Star Wars after all these years XDD

I’m gonna include the fic summaries and my takes, so plopping these under a cut for length. If you haven’t already read these, please go give them some love. And if you have, go give them some more! XD

I’m a fix-it, (at least mostly) everybody lives and (hopefully) nobody dies kinda gal, so while I certainly like something that hits in the feels, I don’t care for angst with no payoff at the end. Many of these are ongoing, but I’m confident enough in the overall feel of them to rec with that in mind. I also like long fics, so most of my recs will reflect that. 

Hunting Towards Heartstill by blackkat

Pairing: Mace Windu/ CC-2224 Cody

Status: Complete, 45 chapters

Summary: Plo has an idea. Mace agrees, and everything snowballs right into hell from there.

(Or: Mace and Cody get married in order to give the clones citizen status. Before they can focus on that, though, they're going to have to deal with ancient Sith artifacts, evil prophets, plots to overthrow the Supreme Chancellor, lost planets, monsters warped by Sith alchemy, inconvenient feelings, and Darth Sidious turning his eye on a potential new apprentice. Just...not in that order.)

Notes: Kat’s going to have her whole section recc’d in a minute, but this one is near and dear to my heart, so it get’s a special spot. This is the one that got me into the Star Wars fandom at all. And by “into the fandom” I mean I have never seen/read a single piece of Star Wars media outside of gifsets and funky graphic t-shirts in my entire life. And now here we are XDD

In short, as with anything kat writes, the characterization is top-notch, the wit even more so, and the feels will leave you broken to pieces only to bring you back together better than when you started at the end of it all. Enjoy <3

All of blackkat’s Star Wars fics, by she who never expected to be a part of this fandom so everyone thank sol for being a bastard and cher for having terrible, amazing, tempting, too-good prompts XD

Notes: As promised, I did indeed just link all of blackkats Star Wars fics XD Most are one shots, with several longer ongoing, and one very special one complete. Pairings and settings will vary, but I can promise you one thing: you can absolutely trust kat with your heart, no matter how angsty it seems (tho take those cliffie warnings seriously!). Enjoy, and may the Force be with you! <3

The Hero With a Thousand Faces by beamirang 

Pairing: Jango/Obi-Wan 

Status: Part 1 is a one-shot prologue, part 2 ongoing

Summary: “We’re going to kidnap a Jedi?” Boba sounds far more excited by the prospect than most twelve-year-olds probably should. And, because he’s Jango’s boy, because he’s too kriffing smart for his own good, he catches on way too quickly. “Wait. Are we kidnapping your Jedi?”

Notes: Fantastic characterization and writing - very witty (as one would expect with Obi and Fett XD) but also excellent on the heavier emotional aspects as well. 

The Desert Storm by Blue_Sunshine

Pairing: None

Status: 17 parts complete, part 18 ongoing

Summary: In Tatooine legend, the sandstorm is Lukka, the Fury, both cleansing and damning. Lukka, the slaves believed, was Justice, was he who remade the world, and remade the soul.The storm screams at him, and Obi-Wan Kenobi screams back.

Notes: It’s a time travel fic! It’s one of my favourite tropes when done correctly, and this one certainly does :) Love the characters, they have so much depth and growth over the series. And while this far it is 100% a “everybody lives nobody dies” kinda story, there is no sacrifice in plot or narrative tension. Wonderful proof that there can be other narrative stakes in a story than just character death. 

Under One Flag by NeurotropicAgentX

Pairing: Padme Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi/Darth Maul

Status: Two single chapter parts. Marked as incomplete with no further updates since 2017, but the chapters stand alone, no cliffhangers. 

Summary: The story of how Padmé Amidala becomes the reluctant Empress of the galaxy and acquires a pair of Force-sensitive bodyguards. Deals with the light and dark side conflict, the politics of an Empire, and Dathomirian Culture.

Notes: A fun little read! The dynamics between the three were interesting, and who doesn’t love the idea of Empress Padme? :D

By A Barista by Tomatosoupful

Pairing: Obi-Wan/Anakin

Status: Complete, 7 chapters

Summary: Obi-Wan/Anakin, Modern Coffee Shop AU unapologetically set in Australia. Some Star Wars story lines and character arcs adapted into modern coffee versions.Anakin doesn't really know why Qui-Gon hired him despite having no experience in coffee making or table service, and he knows this bothers the barista, Obi-Wan, but hey, at least he gets to look at the handsome guy while he complains.

Notes: Another fun little read! I love social disaster Ani in modern settings, ngl XD 

The Snowball Effect by Ghost_Owl

Pairing: Obi-Wan/Anakin

Status: Complete, 2 chapters

Summary: Anakin had not meant to nail the cute guy from his building in the face with a snowball.Obi Wan had absolutely meant to hit him back.

Notes: Another cute read! Once again Ani is a disaster, and Obi-Wan only less so by direct comparison XD I particularly remember this story for the author coining the phrase I now recognize as my favourite paring trope - two halves of a whole idiot XDD

Reprise by Elfpen

Pairing: None

Status: 7 parts, current part ongoing

Summary: Ben Kenobi dies aboard the Death Star in the year 0 BBY. He wakes up shortly thereafter in the Jedi temple in the year 41 BBY. Haunted by memories and regret, Ben must forge a new path for himself in the Jedi Order of his youth while navigating the murky waters of time travel. Crafting a better future from bitter experience is hard, but learning to heal is even harder. Major AU.

Notes: This one I found on the heels of Desert Storm, and while they are initially cut from the same cloth, you’ll find they immediately develop their own unique flavours. If you like time-travel fix-its (which I do ;D) then this is a great read, and has some lovely art to go with it! 

Life and What Comes After by Ibelin

Pairing: None

Status: First part one-shot complete, second part ongoing

Summary: Obi-Wan dies on Jabiim. Anakin blames himself, doesn't know how to go on and yet - he does. Maybe the Force rewards that kind of thing, or maybe he just gets lucky, but when a mission lands Anakin on a vaguely familiar planet, he gets a second chance to do what he knows he should have done in the first place: save his master.(And maybe a chance to save the galaxy, too.)

Notes: *Don’t worry, Obi-Wan does not in fact die!*

Ngl, what attracted me to this fic in the first place was the tag “Unrealistically Well-Adjusted Anakin Skywalker” X’D For all they say that though, his growth as a person is actually written very believably - he’s still Ani, but you see the work he put in. And damn do I love me some real communication between Obi and Ani, and damn do we ever get that here. Obi kinda backtracks that a bit with his own self-esteem issues in part two, but I have no doubt the boys will get through it! 

Definitely recommend, it’s got some really wonderful family feels <3

Witness Me by SLWalker

Pairing: Obi-Wan/Maul

Status: 7 parts, final story part(s) ongoing (part 5 is the main series that’s ongoing, part 6 scattered one-shots, part 7 art for the series)

Summary: Instead of escaping to Lotho Minor, Maul's captured by the Order. Obviously, that changes everything.

Notes: I’m currently reading this one! The first several parts focus on building the relationship between Obi and Maul. Then in part 5 we start to focus more on Maul growing as his own person, though he is absolutely still Obi-Wans other half. Get ready for some clone feels, because I guarantee you will fall hard and fast for the Blackbirds once you meet them <3 <3 <3 I also appreciate that while there is definite censure for the Jedi council as a whole for certain decisions, and Anakin is his canon disaster self, there is no character bashing or throwing under buses, and conversely no hero worship either. Thus far everyone is treated fairly - I really enjoy that we tend to see not only several outside views of characters and situations, but also a lot of introspection as well. 

If you’re in it for the people, this story is very much for you <3

[regular-lord-reckoner]

i was doing pretty okay for a few days there despite the world being even more on fire than it usually is, but yesterday i just started feeling really down and overwhelmed by everything. 

on the one hand, i’m glad that to some degree at least this whole virus situation is being taken seriously and there are least some things being done to try to prevent the spread, but on the other i’m seeing a lot of people getting laid off from work or who just aren’t able to make money doing what they normally do because now everyone’s strapped for cash and it feels like any day the whole thing’s just gonna topple over 

and on the one hand it’s like...okay, good. the system sucks, it’s needed to change, something was gonna have to give but on the other it shouldn’t have been something like this where people are going to get hurt and potentially even die. 

for myself personally, my work has decided to remain open which on the one hand is good because i still need to make money, but on the other hand they are just...absolutely dropping the ball. 

i think so far the only measure they’ve put in place that’s actually good is i think i’d heard something about having either front desk or switchboard call some of these patients ahead of time like, “hey, it looks like your visit is just a refill for medication, your provider will go ahead and refill that and we can spare you a trip coming in to the office”, but i dunno how widespread that is or if it was just a one time thing or if it’s still been going on. 

a lot of patients i think are just going ahead and cancelling their appointments which is good, appreciate that, but then there are some who are still showing up for shit that really could have waited. 

and the bright idea now is to have front desk do a questionnaire thing with every single fucking patient that comes in basically just going over a checklist of shit that is supposed to help determine whether or not they can still stay for their visit or if they need to immediately leave and just give us a call to figure out what to do from there. 

so tomorrow i’m going to have to do that since it’s my day to go in and do front desk for one of the providers and like...yeah, i see way, way less patients there than regular front desk, but it still sucks that it’s like, “you, front desk person, you get to be exposed to people who could very well be sick but didn’t have better sense to stay home and you have to decide if this person is okay to stay, hope you don’t get yelled at!!” 

i already get shit from these patients over other shit (i don’t remember if i posted about it or not, but i had a dude get mad at ME because he was 30 minutes late for his visit and i said we might have to reschedule, but that i would check with the doctor to see if it was okay...dude stood there and gave me attitude and went on about how the way we run things is all wrong....all because again, mind you, HE was late for HIS appointment. and he thought i should just squeeze him in before people who were on time for their appointments because y’know...that’s fair!!) so i can’t imagine how much fun it’s going to be or the back and forth i’m gonna get into with people over whether or not a cough they’ve had warrants their visit being cancelled. 

but hey, it’s cool because they gave me a face mask so...i should be fine, i guess. it’s not like when i come down with shit it really wipes me the fuck out because i’m already disabled, but no that’s cool. we definitely need to keep our specialty office up and running and use medical supplies we might be needing down the road all so money can keep pouring in!!! 

especially in this day and age where things like office visits over skype or just regular phone are possible. obviously it’s not going to catch every single patient because i know not everyone has access, but here again...we’re a specialty office. we’re not a hospital, we’re not a regular doctor’s office. i could see at least running in a limited capacity for those patients that do have serious shit going on and really do need to be seen, like fine we’ll work that out, but people coming in for shit that can at least wait a few more weeks just...sucks. 

we also do infusions at one office and the nurse that runs that whole thing tried to tell my manager like, “hey, according to the cdc we really shouldn’t have more than 10 people at a time back here” and my manager honest to god said, “that only applies to social situations!!!” 

oh!!! well fuck me, then, i didn’t realize the virus could tell the goddamn difference, wow!!! 

also...it’s not at ALL like we have patients who come in for this one thing but who have compromised immune systems or who have cancer or COPD or anything else like...fuck ‘em!! we’ll make sure you sit in the waiting room while we have our already overworked front desk people doing questionnaire after questionnaire with every person that comes in and stands close to you, good luck!! 

to make things even BETTER one of the MAs showed up to work the other day sick!!! like...coughing a lot, feeling cruddy sick!!! 

but oh no, she doesn’t have any more pto so rather than like...i dunno, either have someone donate some of their own pto at least for the day or rest of the week or even send her home with a laptop and some basic task she could do from home she stayed!!! 

sure do hope there isn’t a boom of fucking people who end up getting it (if that’s what she has, i hope to god it was just sinuses or even the regular flu) because it’s gonna look reeeeeeal bad if they trace it back and are like, “so you guys knew this employee was sick and works in a medical office around vulnerable patients and you just...let her stay?” 

neat!!! 

again, like...i know i should just be grateful my work is still open and i’m still able to have some income, especially since i already mostly work from home, but it’s just so frustrating to see how badly they’re handling this and how the number one priority is making money but then again...why am i fucking surprised? that’s capitalism, babey!!!! 

on top of that, i also finally heard back from my tax guy what that whole situation is gonna be and hoooo boy. 

i get...14 some odd dollars for one (probably state) and 75 some odd dollars for the other (federal, i’m assuming) 

i’m getting...less than $100 in tax return this year.................

bro

on the one hand like...my biggest fear was that i was going to end up owing money and wouldn’t be getting shit, but on the other i guess i had just...hope maybe i’d still manage to get something?? 

i know with my work situation being what it was (and with the government being what it is right now) it wasn’t going to be stellar, i wasn’t expecting $1,000 or anything but uh...i was hoping maybe for a few hundreds?? was hoping i could put a dent in some of these bills?? but uh...that’s fine. 

the frustration of that is compounded by the fact that i’m pretty sure a big part of why it’s that way is because A. my last job was only a 10 month contract so i was SOL for two months and B. to try to cover for that i started back at this job but in a limited capacity so i wasn’t getting enough hours to really compensate and in the process of trying to get hired full time here they kept me on work contract for MONTHS to the point where i thought i’d just have to give up and find something else entirely. 

i had tried when i did finally start full time to set my tax deduction on my checks up so that i was taking out more than enough to try to compensate, but by that point it was so late in the year i guess it didn’t really do a whole lot other than keep me out of the negative so...that’s fine, i guess. 

ultimately i should have known, but i guess with everything else i had just gotten my hopes up that i’d at least have a nice check headed my way and i’m not trying to sneeze at what i am getting because i do still appreciate it i just...was really looking forward to dropping a chunk of that money on some of the shit hanging over my head but okay 

at least at this point one of my credit card bills should be easy to pay off because i’m pretty sure the bts concert i was gonna go to in may is gonna be cancelled at this rate, so i’ll be getting that money back. obviously that’a a real first world problem compared to everything else going on, but it was something i was really looking forward to, one of those “just hang on until this if shit gets rough” kind of deals but with how shit’s been going i don’t feel very optimistic about it. it’s in mid-may and i’m already seeing stuff from other events being pushed to fall so like...neato. it was also kind of like...hey, this time last year you were in the hospital and about to go septic and then had months of bullshit to deal with after that and your personal life got really rough and shit was just BAD, so here’s something special for getting through all of that and now it’s probably not gonna happen and there’s no telling when it will because that’s not an easy thing to reschedule at the last minute so that’s...cool. i completely understand why and i’m not mad about it, i just can’t help but feel disappointed. 

i dunno. i feel like in the past year i’ve really tried to work on myself in terms of not letting myself fall into these horrible depressive episodes and let my anxiety just completely overrun everything and for the most part i’ve been fairly successful although i know i still need to finally make that leap of actually getting into therapy and really getting into the hard work, but the past few days it’s becoming harder and harder to maintain that and there’s a big part of me that just wants to be like, “dude, what’s the point, the world’s ending, who cares if you’re sad and you haven’t fixed your shit yet, it’s not going to matter for you or for anybody, it’s all pointless” so like...that sucks. 

i’m hoping it’s just something i need to go through for a little bit and if i try my best i can come out of it with my head up but for months now i’ve felt one of those really bad depressive episodes breathing down my neck just...waiting for an excuse to take me down and i guess with everything going on i just don’t feel like i have the strength to fight it the way i’ve been trying to. 

i won’t give up, though. not yet anyway. all of this is frustrating, but there’s still a lot i have to be grateful for so i’m going to try my best to just focus on those things, hold on to them, and hope that there’s good news just on the horizon and that better days really are on the way. 

i know still that turning over a new year doesn’t really mean shit and time is fake, but i hope anyway that since this is only the third month out of the year that there’s still time for things to get better. i hope by even thinking that i’m not ensuring that things will in fact get much, much worse but i guess we’ll just have to see. 

in any case, even though i’m dreading going to work tomorrow i guess it’ll be nice to get out of the house. it’s weird, because normally i don’t mind spending a lot of time at home. i work from home and i don’t have any friends that live close by so i tend to just kind of stay put unless i’m going to the store for something or going to pick up food, but the fact that now it’s like...hey, you need to stay put it’s getting to me a little bit. if i’m not feeling better by this weekend i might if nothing else just...go for a drive. 

i won’t go anywhere and interact with anyone or make any stops, i’ll just...get out of the house for a minute before i sink even further into whatever this is. idk. 

if you’ve read all this mess i thank you, i know it sucks to read someone else’s whining while you’ve got problems of your own and shit’s bad just in general, so i appreciate it and i hope that wherever you are and whatever your situation that you’re doing as best as you can be and hanging in there. 

[jennikkugoesoff]

Jennikku goes off about a Sonic the Hedgehog Reboot.

If you follow me at all or have read many of my other rants, you’ll know I love Sonic the Hedgehog. A lot, with all my heart. I met my friends through Sonic and it’s a franchise that’s changed a lot in my life, for better, for worse and everything in-between. It’s the reason I started to draw, to write and to really give creativity a chance.

It’s a series that has been through many twists, turns, up and down and all arounds over the course of it’s long, 28 (as of the time of writing) year lifespan, and has stood the test of time, being heralded either as one of the best video game franchises of all time, or, well, one of the worst out there, becoming more and more dated by each passing day.

But, it didn’t start out that way. Everyone’s told the long, terrible story now about Sonic’s massive rise to the top of 1990s American Iconography and his massive plummet into the depths of Hell, dragging his now-bitter fans down with him following the turn of the century and segwaying into the modern age, so I won’t bog you with the details you already know, but here’s the main point.

Sonic the Hedgehog... kinda sucks.

And that’s because it’s a mess. An astronomically confused, tired, and beaten mess. In the 28 year lifespan of Sonic the Hedgehog, it’s canon has become massively tangled in knots. Inconsistent games, inconsistent comics, inconsistent cartoons, and so on and so forth. Anyone who’s a fan of Sonic comes from a place where they heard about Sonic, be it the games, the cartoons, the comics, and so on, and therefore, have a different mindset about what Sonic the Hedgehog should be, which is the cause for much of the heavy, almost unpleasable climate the fan community gives off.

Really? The only way I see the series being salvageable is to wipe the slate clean and begin... at least somewhat anew, and see how these scatted pieces of broken glass we call the ‘Sonic canon’ can fit together.

This has been tried once, with Sonic Boom, but it didn’t really end well, and I’d like to change that, so let’s have this hypothetical reboot take the same form as Sonic Boom, as a potential ‘new face’ for the entire series, rather than a spinoff continuity. (I feel like this was the original intention of Sonic Boom, but due to the backlash, was revoked.)

Are you comfortable? Let’s go. It’s gonna be a long-ass, tiring, winding post.

(Seriously I spent fucking 3 days just writing this post. For that reason, there may be a few gRaMatTcul eRors here and there, just bear with me, okay? I’m tired and I just wanna heave out this monster of an idea.)

Housecleaning and on wiping the slate clean

Ok, before we actually get into redoing the series, I wanna make this clear, when I say I want to ‘wipe the slate clean’, that’s sort of an exaggeration. I don’t think Sonic needs to be completely rewritten from scratch, and certain elements of the series DO work very well, so it’s more we’re gonna ‘wipe the slate clean, but immediately redraw things back on, except bigger and better than they were before.’

The reason why is, Sonic the Hedgehog has a kind of ‘hoarder complex’ when it comes to his franchise. As I established earlier, the main problem with rebooting Sonic the Hedgehog as compared to another franchise like, say, Ducktales, or Ghostbusters, is that Sonic the Hedgehog has a lot of lore. Too much lore. Think about the crazy amount of lore surrounding Solaris, Mephiles, Dark and Light Gaia, the Wisps, Chaos, and Tikal, Shadow and the Black Arms, Silver, the Sol Dimension and Blaze, Eggman Nega, the Nocturnus Clan, the list goes on and on and on. It’s head-spinning, it’s confusing, and most of all, obtrusive to what’s actually important in the Sonic Canon versus what seems important.

This isn’t helped by the fact that Sonic has never really had a consistent ground to stand on in terms of his world and where he lives because where he lives changes with every game or new thing Sonic is in. So, introducing these new, complicated gods and grand, sprawling history all of a sudden doesn’t give the world Sonic lives in any ground or any real meaning if it’s just going to be ignored later on when Sonic Forces completely rewrites the world map from Unleashed. (This is a problem I have with the Mario and Kirby series too.)

Even if you claim something like the Sonic Archie comics have consistency in their setting, think about how much the comic’s version of Mobius changed over the course of its lifespan after not only being completely rewritten (thanks Ken Penders. I’m sure your horrific 3d render children are proud.) and two crossovers, not to mention all the subtle shifts and changes the comic made from its debut comic to its cancellation.

So, if we’re going to do this, we need to get this straight right now.

A new Sonic reboot will NEED to cover EVERY base of the Sonic continuity. Games, Comics, Cartoons, Merchandising (with the exception of maybe some anniversary stuff), The Whole Echidna- er, Enchilada.

If the problem with Sonic as it is, is that the continuity is messy because it keeps adding new stuff? THEN STOP FUCKING ADDING NEW STUFF!!

NO ONE’S GONNA LIKE THE NEW STUFF ANYWAY!!

PEOPLE FUCKING HATE CHANGE!!

THIS FRANCHISE IS SO FUCKing MiSTReATED!- FUCK!!

Nah, but seriously. If this reboot is gonna work, then it needs to BE a proper reboot. Not a side-series like Sonic Boom, not an ‘alternate dimension’ to dip into for mainline games, not a one-off series of animated shorts, no quills, no pillows. If we’re gonna do this, we’re gonna go all in. At least in terms of continuity.

So, you know what we’re gonna name this reboot?

Sonic the Hedgehog

Just, Sonic the Hedgehog. Yep. All in, indeed.

Audience, Tone, and Genre

I feel maybe I should’ve split these into multiple sections, but, they really all go hand-in-hand. 

If we’re gonna remake Sonic, we gotta first decide how Sonic should feel, and who he’s going to appeal to. So, let’s consider what we’re working with first, based on the history of who Sonic has appealed to.

The whole point of Sonic’s young, hip, snarky personality was to appeal to the American youth of the 1990s (kids, teenagers, and young adults), the young, hip, snarky and coolest people around. Sonic sought to identify with these kids by being a little bit ‘edgier’ and ‘cooler’ than most other cartoon characters of his era, but still with the capability to be as cute, wholesome and inherently charming as his competition. Like the perfect little blend of the sarcastic wit of Bugs Bunny and the lovable personability of Mickey Mouse and Felix the Cat.

Many Sonic clones of the 1990s like Bubsy, Aero the Acrobat, and Zero the [CENSORED] Squirrel tried to piggyback off of Sonic in this manner by trying to play up Sonic’s edgy, snarky appeal, but what they lack is that more wholesome, laid back, simple, round and friendly aspects of his design. It’s why Sonic can look like this:

but also like this

like this

but also like this.

It’s why Sonic works so well as a cartoon character in animated shorts and cartoons, as well as an action character in high octane blood pumping action anime, and one of the reasons why I think his design is so appealing. It’s this, this perfect balance between cool superhero and cuddly, wholesome cartoon character that makes Sonic such the iconic character he is.

So what’s the point of me telling you that?

Well, lots of people disagree on what Sonic the Hedgehog’s tone should be, and what audience Sonic should appeal to. Many argue Sonic is a series strictly meant for children, and therefore shouldn’t take any risks and be cutesy, wholesome and bouncy. Others argue Sonic should market itself to teenagers and young adults by pushing its envelope with it’s material and turning itself into a giant melodrama with three-dimensional characters, intertwining relationships and giant, epic Dragon Ball Z style showdowns with blood, guts and the crunching of noses and teeth.

You know what’s popular right now though and seems to have been for a while? A blend of those exact two things.

It sounds dumb but, think about it. Video games and cartoons have been taking this turn toward being a little bit of the best of both worlds. Steven Universe, Undertale/Deltarune, Star Vs. The Forces of Evil, even stuff like Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, that sort of thing.

So, I think a new Sonic reboot should be an Action/Adventure-Comedy. It’s a series about long, lengthy quests and the ongoing war between nature and machine, but it’s also about a quick-witted cartoon character having fun picking on an overconfident evil scientist and his lackeys.

And you know what? I think Sonic is and has shown that this is the environment he flourishes in. Think about why Sonic Mania Adventures and Team Sonic Racing: Overdrive work so well, or why OK KO: Let’s Meet Sonic! is so great! It places Sonic and co. in an environment in which they have the opportunity to be funny and cartoony, but also leaves itself open to lead into more strict action sequences or serious, emotional moments, should it feel the need to. It lets the characters be the characters, without being impeded by everything needed to be babyproofed, but also not interrupted by fanfic-tier melodramatics every 2 and a half minutes. And, considering how much any media featuring Sonic relies on its characters to garner appeal, this is important.

Besides that, this is also important for something I think is going to make this reboot go from good to great.

: ✧･ﾟ: U N I F I C A T I O N ! :･ﾟ✧ : 

I’ve said this before in my other essay on how I’d reboot Sonic, but I truly feel that bringing together a lot of different elements of Sonic’s history together for this reboot is a top-notch idea for not only bringing the series back together whilst maintaining a wide appeal but also broaden the scope of potential characters, settings, and plot points we can work with, rather than just limiting it to just the classic era, or just the modern era, it also might leave veteran fans wondering just who or what was going to show up in the next game, or next episode!

Why limit ourselves to just a classic-style series or just a modern-style series? Why not mix it up a little?

Let’s take the cute classic stuff and mix it with some of the cool modern stuff!

I mean of course there’s gonna be purists but, hey, if we have a little bit of both we might just start seeing eye to eye!

So, what does that mean for the audience? Well, I think in that sense, Sonic should be able to appeal to, about anyone, really. Adults, Kids, Teenagers, anyone. It’d be like going to see a Marvel Superhero movie in the theaters or watching Spongebob on TV, yeah, it’d be something kids enjoy, but also something young adults can appreciate too. Although if we absolutely have to stick to a demographic, I’d say the ideal targets for a Sonic the Hedgehog reboot are two groups of people specifically.

Older fans of the series who grew up with the Adventure and Classic games, and Younger people who are more familiar with the modern games. As far as drawing new people or embittered old fans in?... Well, we’ll get to that.

Plot synopsis

It may seem like a no-brainer what the plot of Sonic the Hedgehog is, right? Well, of course it is. It’s been the same for over 20 years, and, I think the premise? Is fine.

“Sonic the Hedgehog is the fastest thing alive and a protector of nature who loves adventure. He’s smarmy and mischevious, but with a heart of gold and an unshakable sense of justice with a can-do attitude. His archnemesis, Dr. Eggman, wants to take over his natural, sprawling home and begin building his planet-conquering empire in its place. It’s up to Sonic and his group of friends to defeat Dr. Eggman, and restore peace to the world, and the green back to the hills.”

This? Right here? This is Sonic the Hedgehog. No matter who you ask, from any branch of the franchises thousand-foot tall family tree, this is Sonic the Hedgehog. There’s a couple of doodads and twists here and there depending on the specific game, but that’s really honestly it when you break it all down, that’s the plot of almost every Sonic game. But this can easily get lost and bogged down between all of the God-summoning and all that shit that other Sonic media does.

So, let’s keep the focus on this, and this alone. Just the ongoing misadventures, setbacks, leaps forward, threats and triumphs between Sonic and Co. and the forces of evil.

...(But let’s add the Chaos Emeralds and Master Emerald, I don’t think I can stand having a Sonic continuity without them and they make for good plot fodder, plus, I’ll be damned if I’m not seeing Super Sonic by the time a series finale or end-of-game hits.)

Setting + Background Lore

So, to set a location, let’s dumb down where Sonic actually lives. (Figuratively anyway, Sonic has no true home, just places he likes to be at any one time.)

In the Genesis days, Sonic lived on a tiny island called South Island, and the game’s settings often took place on South Island or on it’s neighboring islands Westside and Angel Island, and, given how important these old zones, like Green Hill and Chemical Plant Zone, are to the current Sonic Canon, I propose that maybe the setting for this potential reboot takes place on said islands, with one island for each of the cardinal directions on a compass, but also some of the other islands that are included in the Sonic series (as well as some adjusted ones!)

And, as a reference to the days of yore, we could even call it

The Mobius Archipelago

Each of these islands would have their own unique areas (referred to as ‘Zones’ for both nostalgia and convenience’s sake) based on the different levels from Sonic games. I’m unsure of the exact geography of these islands in question, but, you get the idea if you’re at all familiar with the canon, South Island has all the zones from Sonic 1 (16 and 8 Bit), Sonic Chaos and Sonic 2 (8-bit), Westside Island has all the zones from Sonic 2 and a couple from Sonic Mania, Angel Island has all the Zones from Sonic 3 & Knuckles, North Island is essentially a fusion of all the different Eggman Zones (Crystal Egg, Sleeping Egg, Scrap Brain, Metropolis, Eggmanland, Robotropolis, Robotnik Winter, the zones from SegaSonic the Hedgehog, etc.), Flicky’s Island has all of the zones from Sonic 3D Blast, Cocoa Island has all the zones from Tails Skypatrol and Tails Adventure, Mirage Island has all the zones from Sonic 4 and also Never Lake, and Little Planet (and hence all the zones from Sonic CD) you get the idea.

I’m unsure what exactly Eastside Island would have on it, but I figured that Sonic games have so many zones and levels across so many games, surely something would find a nice home on that island, perhaps some of the zones from Sonic Mania, Sonic Blast, maybe even the Adventure games, who knows? But, inevitably, space is going to run out on those other islands and we’ll likely have zones or locations that’ll be good for the series to have.

And then, we also have a mainland sprinkled with City. This is where your Adventure/Modern style cities are, Station Square, City Escape, that sort of thing.

It may not seem like much, considering some Sonic games have settings that span entire planets, but when you think about how many zones are crammed into a few little islands in the genesis titles alone, it’s hardly a limited setting.

The natives of this island chain would be Mobians and Mobini. Mobians are your typical Sonic characters, your Sonics, your Tailses, your Knuckleses, and so on and so forth. They’re the more humanoid animals. Mobini, on the other hand would be all of the smaller animals, the kind that Sonic frees from badniks or are just knockin about doing little woodland creature things. For more information on Mobini, I’ve included a little blip about them in the ‘Side Protagonists’ part of this little shanty ‘pitch guide’.

Humans would live on the mainland, although some researchers and scientists would visit the Archipelago every so often because of it’s mysterious ‘new frontier’ kind of appeal, even if Mobians find their research a little weird.

Generally, Humans also keep to the mainland, and Mobians keep to their islands, but, make no mistake, Mobians and Humans don’t hate each other. Some Mobians and Mobini have taken to the urban lifestyle, whereas some humans have taken to the natural wonder of the Archipelago, starting environmentally friendly cities and towns in the sleepy groves and corners of this untamed wilderness.

This Archipelago would be the point of focus for our Main Characters because, well, it’s their native home, and it’d draw our Main Villains because this island is also home to the Seven Chaos Emeralds, and their Master Emerald.

The Chaos Emeralds are the main MacGuffins of the Sonic series, and for good reason! Gathering all seven of these things grants their holder infinite access to chaos energy, a kind of force that will turn their thoughts into power, whether positive or negative. While most Mobians would prefer to leave the Chaos Emeralds alone, due to them causing, well, chaos, villains seek these gems out on purpose so that they can easier accomplish their goals. However, if a hero were to gather all seven chaos emeralds, and had enough purity, desire for good, and strength in their heart, the emeralds will grant them immense power, too.

Upon a vast amount of energy being used however, the Emeralds will scatter across the Archipelago, waiting for their next holders to come, and initiate chaos once more.

And then, there’s the Master Emerald. The Master Emerald is very similar to the Chaos Emeralds, and contains tenfold the amount of energy of a full set of Chaos Emeralds, but also acts as an on/off switch for the Chaos Emeralds. The Master Emerald can completely drain the Chaos Emeralds of their power, or multiply their power exponentially if one knows how to control it, making the Master Emerald incredibly valuable too. However, villains usually tend to opt for the Chaos Emeralds instead, not only because legends of the Master Emerald are believed to be false, or even if it is real, no one knows how to control it, but the Master Emerald is also said to have a guardian. A very, very angry guardian.

There’s also the lesser-known Time Stones.

The Time Stones reside on Little Planet, an anomalous celestial body that appears only once every year over Never Lake on Mirage Island. These stones seemed to have formed in a similar fashion to the Chaos Emeralds, but rather than bending SPACE to the will of their holders, the Time Stones will instead, bend Time. The Time Stones, for this reason, are even more dangerous than the Chaos Emeralds and are responsible for many of the temporal anomalies within the Archipelago. Due to their danger, the Time Stones see much more infrequent use than the Chaos Emeralds, and keeping them on Little Planet as opposed to bringing them to the surface of the Earth is much safer, as the Time Stones will only seemingly affect the time stream of Little Planet and not the Earth.

The Time Stones won’t matter until later in the series when Sonic and Co. start tampering with time, and for a while, the focus will remain on the Chaos Emeralds and Master Emerald.

But enough about where Sonic lives, let’s look at him and the rest of our colorful main cast, shall we?

Main Protagonists

Hooh, boy I am not gonna make many friends with this decision, am I?

This is kinda where my reboot starts to get a lot little tiny bit more personal, but, I have reasoning behind picking who I pick. The characters I’d pick to be the main protagonists, as in the characters that the viewers of the cartoon series, readers of the comic, or players of the games are going to be:

A) Playing as

B) Rooting for

C) Following throughout most of the adventures.

are as follows:

Sonic the Hedgehog

Miles “Tails” Prower

Knuckles the Echidna

Amy Rose

Mighty the Armadillo

Ray the Flying Squirrel

The first two seem obvious enough, Sonic and Tails are the two spotlight protagonists of most Sonic games and are the two chief playable characters in most games of the Genesis Era. Knuckles should come as no surprise either for the same reason, although I’ll touch on Knuckles later when I assess the protagonists on an individual level. 

I chose Amy as one of the leads because, well, Amy frankly hasn’t seen that much time in the sun as a true character, and I feel like that’s a shame given her longevity in the series, being with us ever since CD. Her most complex appearance was in Sonic Adventure 1 and even then, she’s kinda reduced to the same traits as her white-bread, palid, boring, Genesis counterpart. While I would like to have another female character so Amy isn’t a ‘token chick’, I don’t really want to shake up the formula too much.

Mighty and Ray are a little bit different. With the release of Sonic Mania Plus though, I feel that Mighty and Ray are more relevant now than they ever were, and considering their placement as main characters in Mania Plus, I think that we could really benefit from their addition to the main lineup of Sonic’s friends! Sure, Mighty and Ray don’t have much personality, but maybe this is where we can change that and give these lost stars a chance to sparkle as main characters after spending so long in the shadows of the past!

However, I do wanna state, that I understand if some people feel Mighty and Ray are irrelevant. I get that, really, I do. It’s one of the things in this projected reboot that I feel is much more personally appealing to me than it is ‘what I think is best for the Sonic franchise’. Put plain and simple, Mighty and Ray are just... not as popular as other Sonic characters. And, adding these two to the roster of main characters means that the main character count skyrockets from an easily manageable 4 to 6, which can seem like a bit much to some people I’ll agree, and means that they’ll likely see more screentime than other popular protagonist characters like Cream, Silver or even Blaze. But, at the same time, I also feel that if they’re popular enough to be included in Sonic Mania Plus, then there at least is some interest in the fan community of them being relevant, regular characters again. And, what better niche for them to fit into than being two of Sonic’s close friends again while going on adventures with him regularly?

(Side note, I also felt like including Sticks as a main character, and I may come back to that idea later if I end up making any content for this reboot, but as it stands I felt 7 main characters were just a bit too much, although it would’ve been cool to have a character for each Chaos Emerald, and I think there are a lot of real, genuine comedic possibilities, as well as some unique action choreography from her.)

I also don’t think Sonic’s design or the design of his friends need to be changed around too terribly much for a reboot? (Although there are some characters I think could benefit from a rework, but Sonic and MOST of the main characters are okay imo) There’s a lot of contention on Sonic’s design in any sense but, personally? I think Sonic’s designs can actually be pretty well unified, all things considered. I think Sonic could benefit from a few design ADJUSTMENTS, but maybe not a full-scale redesign like Sonic Boom.

For instance, these early concepts for Dreamcast Sonic are an excellent starting place, as I feel they capture the spirit of all three versions of Sonic pretty well all things considered, save for their quills being a little long. the proportions on them are a little off, however, with a couple of adjustments, I think this could actually be a really good idea.

Nendoroid Sonic is also pretty close to what I think a unified Sonic design could look like, if someone held a gun to my head and told me to pick an ideal new design for Sonic, it’d probably be very close to this.

(Credit to JaysonJeanChannel on DA for this render of Nendoroid Sonic.)

Or, even moving back a little bit, “Toei Sonic“, although kind of overrated in my opinion, is a really nice compromise between the cutesy, cartoony nature of the original versions of Sonic, while still updating Sonic to be more obviously sleek, sharp and spring-loaded for his modern audiences, and is full of personality. That’s not to say I think Toei Sonic should be the new face of Sonic the Hedgehog for years to come, but it’d be a great starting point to work from, given that Toei is a version of Sonic suited for intense, rubberhosy, slippery animations.

In the end, the only thing that truly matters is that Sonic looks like Sonic, and not like a weird little blue goblin if the backlash on the first pass of the Sonic Movie is any indication? We shouldn’t try to fix what isn’t broken, I just think that maybe trying out a hybrid between classic and modern Sonic to see how people feel about it might be a nice compromise between those who prefer Classic Sonic vs. those who prefer Modern or Adventure Sonic, again, unification, the best of both worlds.

That being said, let’s have a look-see into each character individually, shall we? For this, I’ll give a name, my projected voice actor for them, and a little blurb about their personality, as well as a short list of their abilities.

I’ll also try to justify my reasons for some stuff that people may consider odd after all of the character bios.

Sonic the Hedgehog:

Voice Actor: Ben Schwartz/James Arnold Taylor

Sonic is heroic, ambitious, and a complete adrenaline junkie. He'll take on any challenge that's given to him in the history of forever, even if absolutely knows it's impossible or he could get hurt trying to do it or he's absolutely not skilled enough at what he's doing to do it. Hence, Sonic is extremely competitive and gets easily absorbed in things he does, even around friends. Sonic tends to not look before he leaps as he's able to get himself out of situations so easily, preferring to live on his feet without thinking too hard about anything, although he's not dumb by any stretch of the imagination and will slow down and strategize if he absolutely needs to, and will always be willing to slow down for someone in need. Sonic is cocky, snarky, and believes a little too much in himself, he has an ego the size of the sun and will do anything he has to protect his image, especially how he views himself. Sonic also has an incredible amount of attitude and makes fun of people he doesn't like or thinks deserve it with insulting nicknames or cruel jokes, often being sarcastic and witty even at the worst of times to be. Although Sonic tries as hard as he can to keep his cool a lot of the time and prefers to live without consequences or regrets on his mind, when he's angry, sometimes he can lash out at people and can become downright completely rude when upset. Sonic is also something of a juvenile delinquent, often breaking rules just because he can or he thinks it's fun or funny, which often gets him into trouble. Sonic EXTREMELY Dislikes being called 'slow' or things being faster than he is (often wanting to prove his mettle against whatever is faster than him even if it hurts him), and has even less patience for slowing down unless he absolutely has to. He hates to wait and hates to be kept waiting, oftentimes getting bored and leaving in mere seconds if a situation doesn't matter that much to him, although he's known to show much, much more patience when people are hurt, or upset, and has an affinity for relaxing for long periods of time with friends after lengthy expeditions and adventures. Sonic hates to see innocent people cry or have their feelings hurt and will often get  extremely upset at the cause depending on the person/situation, and believes that any situation he can tend to is important (as he often can do things so quickly it's often no trouble for him.) 

Abilities:

Insta-Shield (Allows Sonic to deflect incoming projectiles with precise timing. This also extends Sonic’s hitbox a bit so it can inflict damage, and gives him invincibility frames!)

Wall Jump (Sonic can wall jump, but they need to be timed properly, as when Sonic lands on a wall, he’ll begin to slide, sliding down a wall for too long will cause Sonic to slip and eventually fall.)

Super Spin Dash (Sonic can rev his spin dash up much faster and much more efficiently than other characters, Sonic’s spin dash also has higher maximum propulsion, and will break walls much quicker.)

Super Peel Out

Light Dash (Using the light dash on a trail of rings will allow Sonic to pick up vast amounts of speed instantly by traveling along a trail of rings, being slingshotted out of the trail at an intense speed, the longer the trail of rings is, the faster he’ll be when he comes out of the trail, but also the more vulnerable he’ll be when he’s flung out of the trail. Sonic can also easily reclaim his fallen rings by light dashing, but there’s no guarantee you won’t go flying into the hazard you just tried to avoid when you do.)

Can use the abilities of elemental shields

Miles "Tails" Prower: 

Voice Actor: Collen Villard 

Tails is Sonic's closest friend. Tails is very intelligent and is something of an amateur technician, roboticist and mechanic, although he specializes in work with aircrafts, small-scale robotics, and computer systems. Frequently he prefers a much slower, methodical approach to problems as opposed to rushing into everything headfirst like Sonic does. Often relies on his intuition over instinct. Tails feels he and Sonic hold a kind of 'mutual responsibility' over each other to keep each other safe, hence Tails keeps Sonic out of trouble or from doing things that are REALLY REALLY stupid, but most of the time, Tails likes to indulge in Sonic's antics with him and even enjoys being kind of silly or being a rebel with him. Tails really looks up to Sonic and wants to have the same kind of respect, cool and wit that he does, however, in doing this, because of his low self-esteem, Tails will often ignore a lot of his more positive traits and attempt to mimic Sonic instead in an effort to seem 'cool', which can really make him do some out-of-place or seemingly strange things at times when he doesn't mean it because he can be a little shy to be himself. Tails is a firmly humble inventor and often attributes his successes to the support of others more often than his own work, and he will not ever invent anything for the purpose of competing with someone or for the sake of jealousy, believing that his best work comes from his heart.

Abilities:

Flying (This would be nerfed significantly from Sonic Mania and S3&K so Tails couldn’t just fly over everything. Tails’ gameplay should encourage exploration in more ways than just one.)

Spin Dash

Tinkering (Allows Tails to reverse conveyor belts, turn off sawblades, and do other shit to help him get through mechanical levels.)

Ring Bomb (Short range projectile at the cost of rings, explodes in a small radius)

Remote Robot (Allows Tails to explore places he can’t otherwise get to at the cost of 1 ring per second)

Knuckles the Echidna: 

Voice Actor: Dan Green 

The key word to Knuckles is STRESS. Knuckles is the guardian of the Master Emerald, and boy does he take his job seriously, being the very last living Mobian Echidna, and being very in-tune with his family and extended tribe's history. He has an inherent connection with the Master Emerald that allows him to sense it's location, wherever it might be, if this feeling of his is tampered with only slightly, it sends Knuckles into an incredible, panicked rage that can only be quelled by returning the gem to where he left it, or by retrieving the gemstone from whoever stole or moved it. He will only leave the emerald alone for long periods of time once he is one-hundred percent confident no one will touch it or move it (and even then he oftentimes gets worried about it anyway) and hence, interacts with Team Sonic on a more infrequent basis because of this (although he still has plenty of moments dedicated to him.) However, when not guarding the Emerald and forced to loosen up and relax, one can find that Knuckles is rather stoic and full of quote en quote 'sage-advice' (or rather stuff that seems and can be profound but can also be kind of insane ramblings from someone who spends too much time alone with some rock.) He often doesn't understand Sonic's more urban lifestyle, preferring his more traditional, simple 'off the fat of the land' kind of life, but he's surprisingly receptive to new things (unless said new thing gets the emerald stolen of course.) Knuckles is also incredibly suspicious and paranoid of people, even believing people he's close to having the capability of turning on him, and because of this, he's incredibly gullible when it comes to people 'changing' or 'turning evil' or 'wanting to take the Master Emerald', although he's usually smart enough to not fall for the same trick twice... or at least, not for a while after it happens once. Because of his ability to be tricked so easily, and because tricking him often leads to bad things, Knuckles' temper and patience are very short, and very small things easily can make him very upset. Knuckles actually has a weakness for romance, being such a lonely soul, he often gets shy and acts noticeably different (read: Happier) around people that can charm him, but often won't admit it.

Abilities:

Gliding

Climbing

Spin Dash

Burrowing (works sort of like the burrow mechanic from Sonic Adventure 1 and 2, except Knuckles can remain and move underground for a bit to be invincible, although this ability is very limited and cannot be done on metal or synthetic flooring.)

Melee Attacks (Knuckles can punch things in a short range, nuff said.)

Amy Rose: 

Voice Actor: Kristen Schaal 

Amy is positive, bubbly, loud and honestly kind of a silly airhead sometimes. Although at first, it seems there's very little to her, there's actually a lot more to her than her outward appearance would suggest. Amy tends to not judge people by their looks or by their behaviors, and is very open-minded and emotional, often getting choked up over things she really doesn't need to. Amy is also pretty selfless, willing to help people without any benefit to herself or any reason besides being a good person, although that's not to say she just lets people walk all over her. Amy is also something of a social butterfly, having connections with about everyone anyone else even remotely knows, and can easily tell you all about them and will want you to meet them upon even the mention of their name. Her inherent energy makes her a lot to deal with at once, even people like Sonic, Tails, and Mighty can get tired of her very quickly, even if it's very clear that she means well. She also makes for a great therapist and is willing to help anyone with problems they might be having, even if they push her away at first. However, Amy isn't all the girly girl she seems sometimes and has kind of a violent edge, anyone who pushes her around or says anything bad about her friends is gonna get walloped with her hammer, and believe me, you don't ever quite forget a feeling like being Piko'd by Amy Rose. On this note, Amy also kinda... doesn't know her own strength, and can seem stronger than Knuckles, or even Mighty at times because she just absolutely does not know her limits, expect lots of spine-crushing hugs.

Abilities:

Triple Jump (Amy can jump three times in succession, however, each jump significantly degrades in height boost. Her normal jump will go the highest and her third jump will go the lowest. Because of this ability, Amy also does not spin when she jumps, meaning she can’t defeat Badniks or damage enemies by jumping on them, she won’t take damage from bouncing on them, it just won’t destroy them.)

Hammer Smash (A mid-range melee attack that will destroy most enemies instantly.)

Hammer Spin (Both an Aerial attack to make up for the fact Amy can’t spin jump and a dash attack to make up for the fact Amy can’t spin dash.)

Peel Out (Functions similarly to the peel out in Sonic Advance or Sonic 2: Pink Edition, replaces the Spin Dash.)

Mighty the Armadillo: 

Voice Actor: Beck Bennett/Travis Willingham 

Mighty is one of Sonic's oldest friends and is his foil in a lot of ways. He prefers to take his time with a lot of things and doesn't really mind going slow. Mighty is something of a 'meathead', he's naive, and kinda absentminded at times, even if he doesn't mean to be. Mighty is very strong and takes incredible pride in his abilities much like Sonic. He adores his own strength and quote en quote 'manliness' and will do anything to keep his ego inflated and his muscles bigger than everyone else's' (as opposed to Knuckles who views his strength as a humble reward for his years of training). Despite this, he has a very brotherly (read: dudebro) sense of personality though and likes to call people 'bro' and 'sis', and has a habit of saying 'not cool' when things don't go right or when people wrong him. Most of the time, Mighty's slow and naive ways can make him easily influenced into believing things (like conspiracies and the idea protein powder actually does things), and he's not afraid to speak his mind, often coming off as insensitive (which is how he got kicked out of Team Chaotix), when really, he just doesn't happen to know any better, although most of the time he really does mean well. Mighty also really likes to hear himself talk, oftentimes telling long-winded stories or going on long-winded rants or explanations. He tends to butt heads with Sonic and Knuckles, who get annoyed sometimes by his easygoing, borderline dim-witted nature, oftentimes reminding him of obvious things that are happening/have happened. However, Mighty greatly cares for his friends, and the one thing he absolutely will never bend on is he will not ever hurt someone who didn't do him wrong, and despite his naivety, Mighty's incredible sense of justice always triumphs over his unassuming nature. He's also Ray's best friend and will defend Ray over any other person.

Abilities:

Natural Armor (Allows Mighty to take one free hit from spikes, and defeat spiked enemies without being harmed. If a projectile hits Mighty while he’s spinning or jumping, the projectile will bounce off of his armor. This is only while Mighty is spinning, attacks from the back or while Mighty is running will still land.)

Hammer Drop (A ‘stomp’ attack that allows Mighty to crush most Badniks instantly, and will also instantly crush breakable objects and solid blocks much faster than other characters.)

Spin Dash

Mighty Arm (If Mighty presses an action button near an enemy, monitor or breakable item, Mighty will pick it up. While picking something up, Mighty will move slower and his jump will be downgraded, but he can throw the item to deal heavy damage to whatever it hits! And, picking up certain enemies or items may just come with some surprises!)

Super Wall Jump (Mighty can wall-jump much like Sonic, but upon sticking to the wall, Mighty will hang there, and will only slide down at the player’s discretion.)

Ray the Flying Squirrel: 

Voice Actor: Debi Derryberry 

Ray is neat, quiet, shy, easily disturbed and has a bit of a stutter to his voice. Ray tends to be sort of asocial compared to other members of Team Sonic and prefers not to get in the way if he thinks he's being a bother. However, despite this, Ray is much smarter than he might seem and has a level of resourcefulness to a point that even trumps Tails (who is much more intelligent) at times. Despite being so shy and cowardly, when he gets the chance, Ray is more than willing to do whatever it takes for the greater good, even if he's afraid to do so. Mighty is his best friend, and he gets obsessively worried about Mighty when he's not around, often worrying that he's wandered off or might have been hurt, kidnapped, etc. this often leads to Ray trying to find his friend or panicking that he's 'gone missing', even if Mighty was right under his nose the whole time, ironic, given his intuition and incredibly eagle-eyed nature. Much like Mighty as well, Ray can also be a little bit naive, although usually less so than Mighty himself.

Abilities:

Soaring (Ray will glide and can sweep upwards to gain height at a cost of speed, but also dip downwards to gain speed at a cost of height.)

Lite-Climbing (Ray can climb, and he can climb much faster than Knuckles, but players will need to position themselves carefully, as Ray can’t climb forever, and will eventually slip and fall, the more speed Ray has when Ray collides with the wall, the faster and longer he can climb it.)

Scout-Sense (Ray is able to detect hidden items nearby like Giant Rings, 1up Monitors, and power-ups, once Ray moves close enough to an item, an exclamation point will appear above his head, and the item he notices will be outlined in yellow.)

Dismantle (With similar timing to Sonic’s insta-shield, Ray can choose to land on a badnik instead of destroying it (even if he lands on something like a Shellcracker’s claw or Bubbles when spiked out), and he will begin to unscrew the badnik until it breaks. This rewards Ray with rings or more hidden items, and can make tricky badniks like Asteron and Shellcracker more bearable to deal with! This also works on bosses, except dismantling a boss will only cause a hit of damage to the boss, although Ray can stay latched on to deal multiple hits of damage if he isn’t knocked off!)

Hookay, if you’re not winded by all those character bios, let me try to explain some of my reasoning. I won’t be doing this with later characters because this post is already the size of a fucking dump truck, but, here we go anyway.

Yes. I chose Ben Schwartz over Roger Craig Smith and Jason Griffith for Sonic. No. I don’t hate Jason Griffith or Roger Craig Smith’s voices for Sonic. Yes, I realize Ben is going to play Sonic in the Movie. I know. But, you know what? I think Ben is the perfect person to play Sonic, he’s able to inflect a real smarmy teenager vibe and I DO like that a LOT. But Ben can also play a deeper or moodier teenager too, and I feel like that’s important for Sonic’s character just as much. Jason Griffith and Roger Craig Smith make a 15-year-old sound like he’s 24. Moving on.

I think Sonic needs to not be such a prep sometimes like he is in Colors, Generations, and Forces. Like, I get that Sonic is all about doing the right thing, but, Sonic is also a smarty-pants delinquent who disrespects authority because he can. There’s this great video on the design analysis of City Escape from Sonic Adventure 2 that shows just how much of a jerk Sonic is toward people he doesn’t care for, and how he feels about obeying rules and regulations. I feel being an asshole toward people he doesn’t like, is part of Sonic’s character, it’s just we need to make him an asshole in the right direction. Sonic can be a Bugs Bunny if we let him, it’s just that it shouldn’t be completely overblown... otherwise, we get STC Sonic.

Tails needs to do more things, and not sit on the sidelines like he does in Unleashed, Colors, and Forces. He does things in Sonic Adventure and Sonic Boom, hence this version of Tails is based more on those versions OF Tails. I don’t hate Unleashed and Colors Tails, but I feel the objectively superior version of Tails comes more from Boom (who I also feel captures all of the good things about Modern Tails ANYWAY) and Adventure (which is Tails at his most resourceful, intelligent and helpful.)

Knuckles needs to be not stupid. We can make other characters stupid, but Knuckles is not stupid, Mania made Knuckles stupid and I hate that because it’s never been who Knuckles is. Sure, he’s a bit of a dense knucklehead, but he’s not dumb, just dense, which is my problem with Boom Knuckles. There’s more to his reasons for why he does things the way he does than he doesn’t know better. He’s stubborn, he’s prone to anger, he’s traditional and very much centered on the past he never had, he worries, he panics. I don’t think Boom Knuckles is a bad character, I just think making KNUCKLES the character to get this personality was kind of a bad idea. 

Amy just needs a better-developed personality. Seriously, she’s, already kinda set in stone in terms of who she is, it just needs to be expanded upon. But, Amy kinda already has the groundwork laid out for her with Boom and Modern, it’s just it needs to be molded a little bit.

Mighty comes from the classic era, and he, therefore, has no real, defining personality traits besides being a wall-jumping armadillo. I think Mighty could easily inherit Boom Knux’s personality, (as I feel a character named ‘Mighty’ would have kind of a strongman, meathead personality) but maybe changed up a bit. Instead of being just, dumb, I think Mighty being more oblivious than just stupid is better, plus, at any one time, most of the characters in-game or onscreen are able to deduce what’s going on instantly, having Mighty be a contrast to that is interesting. I also think a slow, easygoing lifestyle is kinda befitting to the Mighty we’ve seen recently, given that he doesn’t seem to emote all that much when Ray finally finds him after he’s been missing for, well, a good while, and doesn’t seem to know his own strength all the time. The only other information I know about Mighty is that he doesn’t like to fight all that much and he’s similar to Sonic, so I tried to include aspects of Sonic in his personality, but also make him kind where he can be.

If Ray’s SegaSonic sprites are anything to go by, Ray just might be a little bit of a scaredy-cat. And, I think this would make for an interesting dynamic between Ray and the rest of the team, he’d make a nice Luigi to everyone’s Mario, a character who is afraid, but willing to set aside his fears for the greater good and even for himself. He’d also be #relatable to the stressed-out teenage and young adult audience he’d be appealing to. 

Side Protagonists

Here are my choices for side-protagonists in this reboot. These are ‘friendly characters’, characters that the main 6 characters regularly interact with, but are just not focused on as much. These characters would probably not be playable (except for Silver and Blaze MAYBE.)

The Mobini

Espio the Chameleon

Charmy Bee

Vector the Crocodile

Cream the Rabbit (and Cheese the Chao)

Big the Cat (and Froggy)

Silver the Hedgehog

Blaze the Cat

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

wHerE’s TeaM DaRK?!

Just, chill out..., okay? I’ll get to Team Dark in a minute.

I’d also like to clarify if this became a series, Silver and Blaze are probably not going to become relevant characters until much LATER in? I feel like Silver and Blaze should be saved for a very specific time in the reboot’s continuity and I’ll explain that later when we get into how I’d set this series’s continuity up, but there’s a very specific reason why I want to save Silver and Blaze for when the time is right, not because I hate Silver and Blaze, but because I think it’d make the most sense.

I also feel like the Chaotix should appear a lot more and play more of an active role in this new hypothetical reboot than they do in most modern Sonic games... and let’s make them a team of vigilantes instead of detectives. A team of vigilantes that uses TEAMWORK!... And combi-rings!

...Oh and while we’re here, let’s make Cheese a Hero Chao, mkay?

But enough talk about general things! Let’s dive into each of them individually!

The Mobini:

Voice Actor: Various, it’s likely mobini won’t need voices so much as varying sound effects.

The Mobini are the local, native, feral fauna of the world of this new Sonic reboot, all your normal birds, insects, lizards, fish, mammals, et cetera are all Mobini. Mobini, are mysterious creatures, as they harbor an inherent connection to the Chaos Emeralds, and are believed to contain small fractions of the Emeralds’ infinite energy. The Mobini are what first drew Dr. Eggman to the Archipelago in which South Island resides, as with this small portion of infinite energy within them, they can be used as organic batteries to power machines indefinitely!... Although this makes them very unhappy. Contrary to what you may think, Mobini are actually sentient, and remember friendly faces... and unfriendly ones too, so be kind! If you’re ever in trouble or lost in the sprawling forests of the Mobius Archipelago, Mobini may just be able to help you out. The most curious kind of Mobini are Flickies, small little birds native to Flicky’s Island and South Island (although they’ve seemed to branch out more recently), who are said to have an even closer connection to the Emeralds, and can even hold a super form! The phenomenon of Super Flickies is incredibly rare, but when it happens, Super Flickies will be more than willing to lend their power to someone who needs it.

Chao are a special type of genetically unstable Mobini that have no ‘Earthly’ counterpart. From the time a Chao is born to the time they pass away, a Chao will gain the traits of its parent, it’s friends, and or it’s caregiver. This makes Chao ideal pets, as their personality will adapt to suit their owner, this makes Chao not only incredibly diverse but surprisingly intelligent. Just be kind to Chao... you don’t want to know what kind of horror being unkind to these little creatures can lead to.

Espio the Chameleon:

Voice Actor: Phil LaMarr

The de-facto leader of the Chaotix, and the most responsible of the team, Espio is a lot quieter than most of the main cast, and much prefers the sound of a rushing, serene stream over loud, punchy rock music. With a powerful, free-flowing fighting style inspired by martial arts, Espio is an honorable fighter, believing only in fighting fair and straight and without exploiting an opponent’s extreme weaknesses. While he tends to be sort of reclusive and becomes easily annoyed by the antics of the Chaotix and Team Sonic, he’s a lot more unshakable than he looks, and actually kind of likes the excitement from time to time. He also has a long, sticky tongue which he happens to be embarrassed by, but sees more use as a tool than he’d like to admit. Espio will often dictate his mood or state of mind to people by changing his color.

Espio’s weapons of choice are giant shuriken, which he seems to be able to pull out of hammerspace.

Abilities:

Color changing

Partial Invisibility (Espio can cloak himself to appear invisible, as long as he stands still and isn’t connected to anything. This ability sees more frequent use when Espio is alone, as it doesn’t really apply much when he fights with his team.)

Combi-Ring Fighting Style

Tornado Spin (Similar to Sonic’s Spin Dash, except Espio spins horizontally instead of vertically, the tornado spin is very slow compared to the Spin Dash, but it’s just as deadly.)

Tongue (Much like Yoshi, Espio’s tongue can be used to grapple onto things with a surprising amount of force, either to pull them toward Espio, or Espio can ‘tongue punch’ things. He hates to do this.)

Charmy Bee:

Voice Actor: Sam Lavagnino (Ideally anyway, I understand if he’d be unable to, but imagine it! Catbug as Charmy Bee!)

A ‘junior member’ of the Chaotix, Charmy is a little bee in training to become a vigilante! However, he’s a little too excited about that fact sometimes. He’s meant to be cute and lovable, but also a realistic child fighting against things he probably shouldn’t be fighting against. It’s hard to hate him when he means so well though and tries his very best at anything he does. In this new reboot, Charmy also gains a small affliction toward electricity!

Abilities:

Flight (no duh.)

Combi-Ring Fighting Style (Charmy is surprisingly adept at carrying his fellow Chaotix members around with a Combi-Ring in hand, with Charmy around this can make for some high-octane, high-momentum fighting due to Charmy being so lightweight and quick.)

Volt Sting (Charmy can use his stinger, and believe me, it hurts. Fortunately, Charmy can sting more than once! and his sting will deliver an electric shock to anything it touches, this is bad news for anything mechanical, or wet!)

Thunder Shoot (Charmy can instantly ground any flying enemy by electrifying an ally and tossing them at the flying enemy!)

Vector the Crocodile:

Voice Actor: Keith Silverstein (Although I’m open to someone else if everyone else if sick of FIND THE COMPUTER ROOM!)

The Chaotix’s greedy, but fiercely defensive ‘leader’ (he’s able to make tough decisions a lot better than Espio, but he isn’t very responsible in many ways). Vector got into the whole vigilante business because of the money he could gain from it, but after meeting Charmy and Espio, his whole world changed, and the rough-and-tough reptile has found a new calling, being a leader. Although Vector is often harsh, blunt, and dismissive, he’s also incredibly resourceful and has an eye for small details, so if he does push you away, it’s likely because he has a hunch on something related to it.

Abilities:

Air Dash (Vector can dash in any direction while in the air. This does not protect him from harm.)

Death Roll (Vector’s trademark donut-like Spin Dash, it’s a bit less controllable than a traditional Spin Dash but it’s immensely powerful because of Vector’s spiked back.)

Combi-Ring Fighting Style (Vector specializes in a ‘wrecking ball’ sort of display with his fighting style, performing a Death Roll followed by his opponents flinging him into something by way of Thunder Shoot or Espio’s speed.) Vector can also achieve the same effect by flinging Charmy or Espio into an opponent, or by ‘holding’ (think Knuckles Chaotix) them.

Fire Combination + Volcanic Dunk* (While Espio is tornado spinning and Charmy is spinning as well, Vector can grab the both of them to make ‘fighting gloves’ of sorts. With this, Vector can perform the Volcanic Dunk, in which he turns Espio and Charmy into powerful fireballs which can smash into enemies to deal tremendous damage!)

*Yes I know this is what Team Sonic uses in Sonic Heroes but do you honestly want Vector Breath to be something that’s regularly used?

Cream the Rabbit (and Cheese the Chao):

Voice Actor: Michelle Ruff (I’d list a voice actor for Cheese too but... do I HAVE to? Chao can be easily voiced with stock squeaks or Chao sounds from SA2.)

A pleasant little girl who seems to get caught up in the ongoing war between Sonic and the forces of evil. Like Charmy, she’s a kid, although Cream is much more patient and polite than Charmy. Cream in this reboot would sorta fill the niche that Tails filled in SatAM, rarely going on adventures, but looking up to the main cast and always being ready to support them in times of need.

Abilities:

Flapping (Cream can flap her ears to gain a little extra height, although it’s made very clear this isn’t exactly equal to Tails’ flight and is very limited.)

Cheese (Cream can sic Cheese on anything she wants, although Cheese isn’t very tough, he’ll do his best until he’s knocked away!)

Big the Cat (and Froggy):

Voice Actor: Jon St. John

Big is large, and not very bright, even less so than Mighty. But he’s terrifyingly strong, he may just be one of the strongest characters in this new reboot in terms of raw damage output, probably second only to Omega actually. But, Big’s not a fighter and prefers to spend his days by the lakeside, fishing with his companion Froggy.

Unbeknownst to him, though, Froggy harbors a dark secret, and, in fact, is the current owner of the tail of the ancient God of Destruction, Chaos. How Froggy exactly came upon Chaos’ tail is unknown, but it’s gotten Big and Froggy into trouble before.

Abilities:

Super Strength

Fishing Sense (Big can sense what kind of fish or how many fish, or even foreign objects or other animals are in bodies of water. It’s unknown how he does or knows this, but he does.)

Silver the Hedgehog:

Voice Actor: Scott Menville

Silver is from an alternate future, a long-forgotten timeline in which Robotnik succeeded in conquering the world, But his massive cities and factories were later laid waste to by the sands of time, and ancient forces of nature, throwing the future Silver resides within into complete Crisis. And now, filled with a sense of vengeance and justice, Silver has come back to the past, determined to find the one responsible for whoever did this to his future, but... there’s just a couple problems. 

He’s only fourteen years old.

Silver is also rather bright-eyed and gullible, and him messing with the streams of time might have a bigger domino effect than he realizes, even if he has no intention of messing anything up.

Abilities:

Psychokinesis (Silver can move, and throw objects with his mind. Silver’s telekinesis is limited only by his focus and stress, as if Silver gets too stressed, he may release some of the objects he’s holding, the same goes for if he becomes unfocused. Using said telekinesis can make Silver very physically exhausted though, especially if Silver moves HIMSELF with his mind, which he can do to hover in the air for a while. Objects held by Silver will freeze, suspended in whatever state they were in when Silver grabbed them, and the objects Silver holds are denoted by a cyan aura.)

Psychic Knives (Silver can condense his energy into crescent-shaped blades of energy, which he can fire off at his discretion, again, only limited by his physical exhaustion)

Teleportation (Silver has the limited ability to teleport short distances, although he doesn’t seem to have a very good handle on it, as he often messes up his positioning and seems to almost... forget he can do it?)

Blaze the Cat:

Voice Actor: Tara Strong

Like Silver, Blaze is from an alternate future. Blaze is Silver’s best friend, but also kind of a sisterly figure to him. Blaze is older than Silver, and is much more reserved, mature and wary than Silver is, although she’s still more than happy to help Silver, and ensure a good future for both him and herself. Blaze is proud, trying to make the best out of her situation by trying and believing herself to be the best around, in a way, she sort of views Silver more like a sidekick, even if Silver does tend to pull his weight.

Abilities:

Pyrokinesis (Blaze can summon, control and is immune to fire. Her ability to do so is limited, although her fires are known to become more intense whenever Blaze is enraged. Blaze can use her fire either for offense by spraying jets of flame from her hands, or defensively by cloaking her entire body in flame, or using the power of fire to float for short periods of time.)

Tornado Spin (Like Espio, Blaze tends to spin horizontally rather than vertical, this, combined with her pyrokinesis, makes her incredibly fearsome to deal with.)

Main Antagonists

You know what the fuck’s going on already. These are all my picks for Major Villains in the reboot. The big bads. The guys who are gonna come in and try to take all those Chaos Emeralds and Time Stones and shit I was talking about and wreak havoc on the peaceful Mobius Archipelago.

They are as follows:

Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik

Orbot and Cubot

Metal Sonic

Heavy King (And the Hard-Boiled Heavies)

Great Battle Bird Kukku XV

Chaos

Emerl

Mephiles, Iblis, and Solaris

In the end, it was hard to decide on what villains to choose to be big bads, Sonic has so many good ones, but this is what it all bled down to eventually. I feel kinda like Dragon Ball Z or... like, any fucking action anime or cartoon ever tbh. I wanted to give some more underrated villains a chance to shine like Kukku and Emerl, while also bringing back some old favorites like Chaos and Mephiles.

...ALSO, I’M GONNA GET TO TEAM DARK DON’T WORRY!

Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik:

Voice Actor: Mike Pollock (as if there were any other choice.)

Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik is the biggest bad in this reboot, as he should be. Robotnik was formerly a young, gentleman scientist, who arrived on South Island with his colleague, Dr. Madonna to study the Mobini that lived there, however, using the grant money meant for his research, and not much caring about nature himself, Robotnik instead betrayed Dr. Madonna to begin forging an empire with his own two hands, an Empire he believed would eventually be able to conquer the world. And he would’ve gotten away with it, too... if all not for a meddlesome blue hedgehog child, who REALLY liked to compare the doctor to an egg. Since his first outing against the blue blur, Dr. Robotnik tried tirelessly, day and night, to get his empire up and into the air, coming back with bigger, and better firepower each time, even succeeding in conquering South Island and collecting six of the seven chaos emeralds at one point, but he was thwarted by this blue hedgehog, and later, his friends each time. This war has gone on for over 5 years now chronologically and maybe more in the actual scheme of things, and all those years of trying have really quite nipped at the doctor, who had gained a significant amount of weight, became a social pariah and had torn all his hair out, save for his mustache, which has overgrown and has become frayed, and the doctor had taken the name ‘Eggman’ as a shallow attempt to mock the blue blur. It’s not to say that Eggman hasn’t succeeded, his conquest and lust for power had bled everywhere, his Badniks, a series of small robots built by him, are an epidemic across the archipelago, he has factories, operations, and eyes everywhere, and Robotnik eventually succeeded in taking one of the Archipelago's many islands for his own, renaming what was once ‘North Island’ into ‘Eggmanland’, this little island is only a twisted glimpse into the madness of what a world under the doctor’s control could look like, his own personal carnival of evil, smog and dust, celebrating him, and only him. It’s these little successes, as well as his never-ending stubbornness and undying believe that man can and will always triumph over nature, that has warped Dr. Eggman from a nefarious, dashing gentleman, into a balding, crazed, nasty old coot. If trouble’s brewing on the islands, and you smell smog wafting by, you can be assured Dr. Eggman isn’t very far behind. To call him a ‘mad scientist’ is an understatement, but even through his delusions and megalomania, he really is a genius.

Orbot and Cubot:

Voice Actors: Kirk Thornton, Wally Wingert

Orbot and Cubot are the Doctor’s trusted aides and second-in-lines, and... probably the Doctor’s only friends as of current. Orbot and Cubot have special AI hand-crafted by the doctor and are arguably his most advanced and most sentient creations crafted by his own two hands. Orbot is serious, intelligent, and bitingly sarcastic, as he was meant to relay information about factories, schemes, and developments back to Eggman, whereas Cubot is dim-witted, slow, and lazy, as he was more meant to perform basic duties like keeping Robotnik’s living space neat and tidy (although he doesn’t always do the best job at this.) However, Orbot and Cubot have become more than that as time has gone on. Unlike the Modern games, Orbot and Cubot can actually hold their own in combat... well, sort of. They have their own unique ‘Scratch and Grounder’ style of dealing with Sonic and Co. and they don’t usually make much progress or get much done in this regard. In this reboot I want Orbot and Cubot’s designs to be updated besides being just ‘ball’ and ‘cube’ so that they can fight alongside Eggman and just look a lot more interesting in general.

Metal Sonic:

Voice Actor: Ben Schwartz (with an intense, robotic filter) if we HAVE to give him a voice. I’d really just prefer Metal to be silent or voiced by music cues and sound effects.

Metal Sonic is Dr. Eggman’s greatest creation. Designed and built by a Dr. Eggman from the future, Metal was sent back in time to aid the Eggman of the past, this, however, proved to be a mistake, as with Metal under his belt, the Doctor became easily overconfident in his victory, thinking now that he had his supposed greatest creation to aid him, nothing could possibly stop him. 

Which made it all the more disappointing when Metal Sonic inevitably failed and was defeated by Sonic.

However, that wasn’t the end of it for Metal Sonic, after being recovered from the future on Little Planet, Metal was repaired, and sent to do reconnaissance on Sonic and Tails during their visit to Mirage Island. In the process of getting there, however, Metal absorbed an artifact while patrolling around the Lost Labyrinth Zone, which superseded the limits of Metal’s hardware, and not only restored Metal to his former greatness but gave Metal something that few of Eggman’s creations can ever claim to have. True sentience. 

Now fully aware of who he was, and what he was doing, Metal easily made it to Sonic and Tails, and upon seeing his organic counterpart for the first time in so long ever since their duel on Stardust Speedway, Metal was filled with rage. Rage, unlike anything The Mobius Archepeligo had ever seen.

The artifact has given Metal all sorts of mysterious abilities, like the ability to manifest a near-indestructible shield, the power to harness the electricity flowing through his circuits to send himself into overdrive and utilize his own overloading as a weapon, and along with being a creation of a Dr. Eggman who has seen the fall of the Earth...

Who knows what kind of sadistic, inhuman thoughts lie behind those synthetic, glowing eyes?

Abilities:

Hyperspeed Thrusters (Metal’s thrusters easily make him as fast as Sonic, and, like Sonic, Metal can still spin, although Metal can also fly with his thrusters.)

Black Shield (Metal can form a defense matrix around him using the power of the artifact he absorbed in Lost Labyrinth, the Black Shield is completely indestructible. Nothing can break through it. Not even something as powerful as Super Sonic could even crack it.) The only caveat is, using the Black Shield renders Metal completely immobile, and unable to attack, and it has a slight warmup and cooldown period.)

Overdrive (Metal can use the artifact he absorbed to utilize the electricity flowing through his circuits to send himself into Overdrive. While in overdrive, Metal Sonic’s entire body sparks with electricity, and Metal can manipulate how he uses that electricity, whether it’s to cloak himself in sparks to beef up his physical attacks or create pillars of sparks and arcs of electricity to attack foes from a distance. The only thing is, Metal cannot do this too much, as doing this can easily cause Metal to overheat, or completely overload and have a ‘blowout’... in other words, explode.)

Heavy King:

Voice Actor: Jim Cummings (Yes, I know Jim did SATAM Robotnik but that’s not the voice I’m imagining for Heavy King. Jim can do more than just Robotnik you know, even though my decision was partially influenced by it being a nice callback. Again, these voice actors are only projections.)/Barry Humphries

Heavy King used to be EggRobo, a robot (which later became a line of Robots) built in the image of Dr. Eggman himself and meant to serve as a decoy for him, and as a stand-in to carry out his own ends.

But the energy of the Phantom Ruby changed that.

Now, Heavy King is the leader of an elite squadron of his EggRobo brethren known as the Hard-Boiled Heavies. They used to serve Robotnik, before breaking free of his control and serving their own ends, beginning a new (albeit, much, much smaller) empire under their own names. He and the other heavies are a force to be reckoned with, few are able to match the ruthless, cold, metallic hand of Heavy King. Despite this, however, Heavy King is known to be much more diplomatic and reasonable than Robotnik, ironically enough, because he believes himself to be vastly superior in every way to organic life. However, his inflated ego pays a steep price if you catch him at the wrong time. However, Heavy King is the current holder of the Phantom Ruby, and that alone should scare you.

(Also I won’t go over each of the Heavies individually because I don’t feel like it, but, I will list their voice actors.)

Heavy Gunner: Patrick Warburton... or at least a cheap impression of him.

Heavy Rider: Eliza Schneider

Heavy Magician: Alexia Khadime

Heavy Shinobi: Seth Green (I picture Shinobi having much more of a nerdy weeb voice than having a serious Japanese accent like Espio.)

Great Battle Bird Kukku XV

Voice Actor: Tom Kenny

A lesser-known big bad, or rather, big bird, Great Battle Bird Kukku XV (he gets upset if you don’t say the full name), is the leader of the Battle Bird Empire, a battalion of birds who, at one point, sought to take over the archipelago in a similar manner to Dr. Eggman, however, Great Kukku XV was thwarted by Tails. Tails, funnily enough, doesn’t remember him at all, in fact, no one does. As a villain, hardly anyone takes Great Kukku XV very seriously, even with his massive armies and capability. Fact is, Great Kukku XV is just a little too immature to be a leader, and hence, he’s not very dangerous. However, his battalion did give rise to a certain, screwy, trigger happy, fellow green bomb-throwing bird who happens to be a defector of his...

In this reboot, there would probably be a lot of jokes about people not knowing who Great Kukku even is, or how dangerous he is, but don’t worry, he’ll get his time in the sun eventually. 

Chaos

Voice Actor: N/A, Chaos only speaks in water sloshes.

Chaos is one of the many original forces of nature that populated the Archipelago many years ago. Legend has it that Chaos was responsible for the mass extinction of the Echidna on Angel Island, and was the one responsible for flooding Hydrocity Zone, and the former Hidden Palace Zone. Chaos was formed when a Chao, who happened to be very old and unhappy due to the Echidna tribes of the day treating his people very unfairly, mutated due to the exposure of Chaos Energy to the Chao’s genetically unstable body. Chaos is a being of pure hate and pure destruction. It’s almost entirely composed of a thick, water-like substance that can take on liquid or solid properties at Chaos’ discretion. His body hungers for Chaos Energy, and he is willing to destroy anything that stands in his way to have it, specifically by absorbing the Chaos Emerald. With each emerald Chaos absorbs, Chaos only becomes bigger, and stronger, becoming harder and harder to defeat. And if Chaos gathers all Seven of the Emeralds? You’d better hope you can find some way to calm this Great Old One down, otherwise, your world may just end up underwater. Luckily, Chaos was sealed inside of the Master Emerald by its former guardian, Tikal, and there he shall remain... for now, at least.

Emerl

Voice Actor: Various (copies the voices of others. To speak it splices lines that it’s heard together.)

Originally created directly to counter Chaos whilst the Echidna tribes were facing extinction, Emerl is a Gizoid, a kind of Robot created to copy the physical data of others. Although one can initially defeat Emerl pretty easily, it’s advised not to vary your tactics too much, as Emerl’s original purpose, and his ultimate capability, is to copy any behavior he’s seen, in order to not only replicate it, but replicate it better, and hence, conquer its original user. Terrifyingly, Emerl can even copy phenomenon that he otherwise wouldn’t, or shouldn’t be able to use, such as Chaos Control, Sonic’s Maximum Speed, or Tails’ intellect. The only thing truly limiting Emerl... is the kind of opponents he faces. And, if you give Emerl to someone who understands him and knows how he works, you may just be dealing with one of the most fearsome fighters the Mobius Archepeligo has ever known.

Mephiles, Iblis and Solaris

Voice Actor: Dan Green (Mephiles only) (This is just because Dan also voices Knuckles ideally but, again, if Dan doesn’t wanna come back to Sonic after being replaced, I understand that.)

If Chaos was the patron saint of water, Solaris is the patron saint of fire. Born from a sacred flame created by the Echidna, Solaris was worshipped by the surviving Echidna as a force that could potentially vanquish Chaos, as the ‘’sun’ to dry the rain. However, the tribes’ malicious intents caused their newly formed ‘God’ to become more of a beast, and it only helped Chaos in driving the Echidna extinct. Solaris later retreated to the bottom of the ocean after all was said and done, slumbering beneath the surface in an underground cave, in a damaged, unstable state.

Solaris has re-awoken twice since this has happened, and both times, his unstable shell split and formed two halves, it’s raw power, known as Iblis, and it’s mind, and spirit, known as Mephiles. The two halves of Solaris first re-awoke in an Alternate Timeline where Robotnik had conquered the world, re-awakening as the folly of the dictator had driven the Sun God’s split soul to awaken when the intense greenhouse heat began to boil the ocean. Mephiles’ primordial form simply died off in the intense heat, but Iblis remained awake, laying waste to the already horrible wasteland that was Robotnik’s Bad Future. Many survivors who reside within this future came to blame Iblis for their problems, even though Robotnik was what had destroyed it centuries earlier.

As for the other time The soul and body of Solaris re-awoke?...

Well... we’ll get to that. Let’s come back to someone I’m sure you’re all waiting for.

Antiheroes

HERE HE IS, OKAY? YOU HAPPY? I was saving him for a good reason! I actually want Shadow (and Rouge, to an extent, she kinda keeps her evil side tbh) to start out as a big bad! After Shadow’s done BEING a big bad though, he’ll become similar to his post-adventure 2 self, specifically how he behaves in Sonic 06 and Sonic Heroes, except with a bit more sympathy. Modern Shadow has a lot of brooding, edgy bite to him, and while that’s cool and all, I feel like there should be more to Shadow than just brooding and standing around crossing his arms and saying ‘tch’ all the time.

Shadow the Hedgehog

Shadow the Hedgehog:

Voice Actor: Anyone that’s not Kirk Thornton. I actually don’t have a good answer for who Shadow’s voice actor should be but, honestly, anything would be better than his current one in my honest opinion.

Shadow was synthesized fifty years ago on a small, man-made satellite called the Space Colony ARK by the brilliant scientist Dr. Gerald Robotnik. He was born from a desire to find a cure for the seemingly incurable disease for his granddaughter, Maria. However, due to an accident when splicing the genes of the quill of a Mobian Hedgehog, and experimental biomaterial found on the fragments of an asteroid that collided with the Earth millions of years ago, the doctor accidentally created something he absolutely didn’t intend, Life. And thus, Project Shadow was born. Gerald felt attached to his creation, viewing the resulting creation, which he called ‘Shadow’ as one of his own. Shadow developed rapidly, quickly maturing into an infant, and then juvenile, yet seemingly normal Mobian Hedgehog. Shadow’s equivalent age later capped once Shadow was done growing, and he remained that way, immortally perfect. The Ultimate Lifeform. Tests with Shadow later showed his destructive capabilities, as it seemed the asteroid’s DNA had morphed Shadow to be far beyond the capabilities of any normal Hedgehog, even in peak physical condition at that age, capable of creating explosions, firing bolts of energy, and even freezing time, appearing to ‘teleport’ in the process. Despite these curiosities, Shadow grew fond of Maria in his stay at the ARK, although Shadow couldn’t help her recover, he did make her much happier. However, a raid on the Space Colony by the mainland’s military led to a massive capsizing of the project, with the intention to destroy Shadow, who was viewed as a dangerous, alien, unholy abomination. Before he could be killed though, Maria shot Shadow down to Earth in an escape pod, where he subsequently landed deep in the jungles of Cocoa Island... but, Maria was murdered in the process of doing so. Shadow was later recovered by Gerald’s other grandson, Ivo Robotnik, 50 years after the tragedy. Hesitant to release Shadow immediately, it’s known that Robotnik has spoken to Shadow in his pod, although about what matters is unknown. For now, Shadow slumbers deep within the confines of Eggmanland, waiting for his proper, strategic time to be unleashed and to wreak his horrible vengeance upon the Earth.

I’ll bring up Shadow again later when we talk about how I project the series to actually go, for now, just sit tight and let’s talk about the rest of Team Dark... and some familiar faces.

Abilities:

Spin Dash

Homing Attack (Shadow can automatically home in on opponents while also performing an Air Dash.)

Burning Rollout (Inspired by the flame ring of Sonic Adventure 2, Shadow can cloak his spinning form in fire by turning on his shoes when rolling, doing this will significantly up the strength of his spin, and make a nice little ring of fire around his spinning form.)

Chaos Control (Can be used as short-distance teleportation, as a way to buff Shadow’s speed immensely, or as a way to freeze or dramatically slow Shadow’s relative perspective of time by dramatically increasing his speed.)

Chaos Spear (These are green bolts of pure, chaos energy. The energy used to form these bolts is so unstable that once hurled at something, the ‘spear’ will likely explode, although, if it doesn’t, it will easily pierce through whatever it hits. Shadow likes to shout ‘DISAPPEAR!’ before hurling these at things for some reason.)

Chaos Blast (Shadow’s Chaos Blast can be considered his ‘ultimate’ attack, Chaos Blast sees Shadow creating a kind of ‘mini-singularity’ with chaos energy that will detonate after a short time, easily eradicating anything caught in the explosion’s radius, even the ground around Shadow. The only problem with this is, doing this is a huge strain on Shadow’s natural supply of Chaos Energy, so a lengthy cooldown period is inevitable.)

and of course, we can’t forget

The Roundhouse Kick

Minor Antagonists

These are characters who are villains but are also more likely to show up in arcs that are only a couple episodes long or are side or off-boss fights. 

I’ll be honest, most of you know these characters already, so I’m just gonna run through them super quickly and give my suggested changes and my justifications for them.

Rouge the Bat

E-123 OMEGA

Dave the Intern

Fang the Sniper (Nack the Weasel)

Bean the Dynamite

Bark the Polar Bear

Rouge the Bat:

Voice Actor: Karen Strassman

Rouge is a thief and a treasure hunter but is also working for the military agency of the mainland, G.U.N. Rouge is sly, sneaky and has a silver tongue, easily able to manipulate people into what she wants by pure wordplay alone. Rouge is a lot less active of a fighter than Sonic and Co. as she prefers to stalk quietly in the shadows, and strike when the time is right. In this reboot, Rouge is gonna wear something a bit more modest. I’m sorry, I hate Rouges’ clothes in canon. That fucking catsuit? has gotta go. She can still look cool and... *gag* “”sexy”” but, I’d rather her not wear... THAT? But, I do want her personality to remain mostly intact because in full honesty? She’s not a bad character on paper. Like Shadow, though I do kinda want Rouge to be a straight-up antagonist at first, and a very greedy one at that.

E-123 OMEGA:

Voice Actor: Vic Mignogna

What can I say? Omega doesn’t need to change much at all, really. He works in about any Sonic setting tbh. He’s loud, and he likes to blow things up, and he doesn’t emote very well, what else is there? In this reboot though, Omega will be the only E-Series Robot, or rather the only... surviving one. And, yeah, like Rouge and Shadow too, I think Omega should start out as an antagonist.

Dave the Intern:

Voice Actor: Ben Schwartz (What? We gotta keep up the tradition of Dave sharing a voice with Sonic!)

An odd choice for a minor antagonist I know, but Dave the Intern is REALLY funny? And I love the idea of a character just hating Sonic for no discernable reason other than ‘he’s popular and cool and I’m not.’ I also thought it’d be cool if Dave frequently got way in over his head with the shit he does, and put himself into trouble that Sonic (reluctantly) had to get him out of. Plus, I really wanted to include some representation of Sonic Boom in this reboot because Sonic Boom as a show is really funny and really good, and I think taking a page from it might be good, plus, Boom is a part of Sonic’s history too!

Fang the Sniper (Nack the Weasel):

Voice Actor: Dwight Schultz

Fang is the leader of Team Hooligan, and in a similar vein to Great Kukku XV I think he’d take himself way too seriously, but would play off of other characters. In Fang’s mind, he’s a trained assassin, like an evil Aussie-accent Batman or something of that stretch. But, really? He’s just a sleazy conman with a popgun. I feel like a good joke to make in this series would be Fang reaching for what he thinks is his actual pistol, but then he’d pull it out and fire it and it’d be one of his fake popguns. And, do I even need to make a joke about the comedic possibilities between him and Shadow using guns? Also, his real name being Nack the Weasel but he wants everyone to call him Fang the Sniper is funny. I’m sorry but ‘Fang the Sniper’ is just a silly name and I like the idea of Fang being the equivalent of one of those nice guys with Otaku Katanas who think they’re WAY cooler than they actually are. I wanted to choose Fang as a minor antagonist in the reboot just because of the kind of character I think he is, he thinks he has everything under control and has all the cards laid out in front of him when in reality, this setup of his just fails dramatically. The kind of interactions between him and Sonic this could spell out are amazing.

Bean the Dynamite:

Voice Actor: Eric Bauza

What do you get when you throw Daffy Duck and Woody Woodpecker in a blender and make him an unstable arsonist? Bean the Dynamite, that’s what. I’d want Bean in this reboot to be an off-the-wall, screwy, but surprisingly resourceful and clever, explosion-crazed maniac. He wouldn’t be... *gag* ‘insane’, so much as he would be just hyper and unable to calm down, again, like Woody Woodpecker or Daffy Duck. He’d be quick-witted, fast-talking and zippy, even more than Sonic himself is. (In the end, Sonic would always outpace him, but the reflexes on THIS bird are crazy.) Also, I feel like the idea of Bean being a defector of the Battle Kukku Armada is just... great, considering they’re all bomb-throwing birds, but THIS one was a little too off-the-handle for even them? He’d be a real character and a surprisingly dangerous threat for Sonic and Co.

Bark the Polar Bear:

Voice Actor: I’m... actually not too sure who to cast Bark as tbh. Mostly because I see him being very quiet and not... speaking, much at all?

Bark is a quiet tough guy. He’s smarter than he looks, but he’s big, he’s mean, he’s tough, and he will Hulk slam at least one character in the length of this reboot. I don’t really have much idea on where to take Bark, I just think he deserves a place as a minor villain.

Projected direction for canon

So, we have all the pieces of the puzzle, let’s see how they all fit together! I’ll be going through these with the assumption that one game can be made to represent each season of the show in its entirety.

For this, I honestly think it would be best if we split this reboot up based upon Sonic the Hedgehog’s current history with its elements. Think, almost, the way Sonic Generations told its story. We’ll start with something with a more Classic Vibe to it, then move into something more Adventure-like, and then, finally, we do something a bit more Modern! It’ll be a little less linear, and we’ll double dip here and there, but it’ll all line up!

Because of this, I’d like to establish what games have already PASSED before going into this series. This is what all has happened going in, in roughly the chronological order they happened in.

Sonic the Hedgehog 1 (16-bit)

Sonic the Hedgehog 1 (8-bit)

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (8-bit)

SegaSonic the Hedgehog

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (16-Bit)

Sonic CD

Sonic the Hedgehog 3 & Knuckles

Sonic Chaos

Sonic Triple Trouble

Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episodes 1, 2, and Metal.

Sonic Mania

The intention is to begin sort of... around the time JUST before Sonic Adventure 1 happened in the old rudimentary timeline before Sonic Forces came out and clarified Classic and Modern Sonic were different beings.

Season 1/Game 1: Genesis

The first few episodes of the series will be more dedicated to introducing the characters and Sonic’s new home. We’ll see the new Sonic, the new Tails, the new Knuckles, Amy, Mighty, and Ray for the very first time, and we’ll also get to see some of the characters’ new capabilities as they take on some minor villains or assaults led by Orbot and Cubot for the first couple episodes; but not at all subtly tease at something bigger and better coming, although we’re also shown how frequent scuffles between Sonic and Eggman exactly are, as we see plenty of mention of the Doctor, but he never physically appears.

Then, I’d say at about Episode 5 or 6 out of say, 22-24? Eggman steps in and introduces us to his new Master Plan, as he does. To build a new Death Egg (which, Sonic obviously chides him on doing the same thing a THIRD time.), but, as Robotnik does, he turns out to be serious, and the episodes from there on out are a race against time for Sonic and co. to gather all the Chaos Emeralds from various different zones of various different challenging geographies, fight off villains and giant robots, learn valuable morals, run into some familiar faces, and have a couple laughs along the way.

The climax of the season would come with a few episodes left, where Sonic and Co. finally have all the Emeralds, and they chase Eggman down to the New Death Egg, maybe there could be an encounter with Metal Sonic along the way because nostalgia and to introduce Metal into the continuity, and of course things’ll play out from there, Robotnik gets the upper hand and shows his shit, gets in a giant robot, dukes it out with Super Sonic, and BAM! End of Season/Game!

At the very end of season 1/Game 1 though, I’d like to include a little teaser for Season 2/Game 2 in the form of a familiar-looking escape pod in the middle of a jungle, full of green bubbling fluid, and a flash of red eyes.

Season 2/Game 2: Chaos Emerald Chaos

Right out of the gate in Season 2/Game 2, we’re back in the game as Sonic and Eggman are seen duking it out a while after the first game/season has ended, but in a much different area than we’d seen in Season 1/Game 1. This fight would lead up to the pod in the teaser after Eggman lures Sonic into a dark room with the green glow in sight. By one way or another, maybe on purpose or on accident, this pod breaks open, and something is released from it. Sonic is understandably confused, but then, is knocked down, and a panning shot reveals one of three of our major antagonists for the season/game, Shadow the Hedgehog.

Shadow fucking wipes the floor with Sonic in this first encounter, but instead of finishing him off, Eggman instructs Shadow to leave him be and search for the rest of the Chaos Emeralds instead. Shadow nods and simply leaves via Chaos Control. Eggman, on the meanwhile, begins transporting Sonic back to North Island via dropship, revealing by surprise that this isn’t on North Island, but rather a much smaller place Eggman was using as a trap.

Meanwhile, Sonic’s friends (with Knux noticeably absent) are confused to learn that Sonic has been... committing crimes, upon his return back from a scuffle back with Eggman, and seeming very much unlike himself, always hiding away in the dark and staying away from everyone. When they go to confront him, it turns out that this was actually Shadow, disguised as Sonic, who was simply searching for the emeralds for Dr. Eggman.

Sonic’s friends demand to know where Sonic is, but Shadow kicks all their asses instead, and something about the Master Emerald is mentioned after the fight. We then cut away to Knuckles, who is soon confronted by Shadow.

Shadow puts up a hard fight, but, with the help of the chaos emerald he already had, defeats Knuckles, and goes to take the Master Emerald. But, in a last ditch effort to save the gem, Knuckles shatters the Master Emerald, causing the shards to scatter all across the islands. Shadow, understandably frustrated by this, scoffs and leaves, seemingly fooled into thinking the Master Emerald WAS destroyed. Unknowingly, however, shattering the Master Emerald caused Chaos, slumbering within the Emerald, to awaken.

Knuckles, obviously horrified by what he’s done, abandons Angel Island and sets to work on finding both the pieces of the Master Emerald, and any Chaos Emeralds he can, to stop Chaos before anything goes wrong.

At this point, we go back to Sonic, who finally escapes as the dropship taking him to EggmanLand and, by extension, escapes from the city as he hurries to try to reunite with his friends and tell them what happened.

From there, a combination of the events of Adventure 1 and 2 (with the addition of Metal Sonic and some other characters of course.) would transpire, with Rouge the Bat getting involved with Knuckles due to her finding the shards of the Master Emerald, and the Chaos Emeralds trading hands several times, all up until the Season/Game’s climax.

It would all build with Robotnik planning to use Chaos to terraform the Earth by transforming him into Perfect Chaos, who, once he takes form, begins wreaking havoc on a coastal city on the mainland. At this point, the Chaos Emeralds seem shut off, and even though the Master Emerald is restored, it seems like there’s nothing that can be done. Shadow, having already begun to go through a change of heart when he sees the kind of destruction the doctor’s plans have wrought, and after some choice words from Amy, decides instead to join Sonic and Co. in what seems like their darkest hour. And, Shadow mentions that Chaos only absorbed the negative energy of the emeralds, being in-tune with Chaos Energy himself, he’d know this.

And so, Super Sonic and Super Shadow defeat Perfect Chaos together, Knuckles and the spirit of Tikal work together to seal Chaos back inside the Master Emerald, and the city begins to drain.

Shadow, having felt satisfied with this, then decides to go off on his own for a while, and mentions something about ‘wanting to discover himself’, and ‘trying to decide what Maria would have wanted me to be.’ 

Oh, and Eggman is finally thrown in prison for literally capsizing an entire city. But don’t worry, he’ll be back.

End of Season 2/Game 2.

Season 3/Game 3: Triple Trouble!

This Eggmanless Season/Game would feature a ‘Triple Threat’, in the form of 3 major villains! And all three of them brand new to the series! We’re introduced to Emerl in this season, as well as Great Kukku XV, and Heavy King.

The entire season would be intense, Team Sonic rushing to get the Chaos Emeralds once again, while the Battle Birds (frequently interrupted by Bean the Dynamite, calling out to his ‘brothers’) and Heavies scramble to get them before the team does.

All the while... Emerl grows stronger and stronger by the minute.

And, in a surprise twist, Emerl, having copied the data of Great Kukku XV and the Heavies, among many others, grows the strongest he ever has, and, like Mecha Sonic in Sonic 3, uses the Master Emerald (likely stolen by Heavy King or Kukku at this point) to attain a Super form, and Emerl becomes a terrifying conglomerate of everything that has led up to this point, Perfect Emerl, the thing originally meant to take down PERFECT CHAOS.

But, luckily, Kukku and King realize when they’ve been beaten, and decide to help Super Sonic take down Perfect Emerl. 

End of Season 3/Game 3. But like Season 1, let’s end off on a teaser. How about a small, flickering flame, with a visible shadow?

Season 4/Game 4: Return of Solaris

This is the final season/game I have planned out, although that’s not to say more couldn’t be done with this concept, it’s just about as far as I got. Essentially I was thinking this season could be a retelling and retooling of Sonic 06 with some details omitted or changed up like, for instance:

The romance between Sonic and Elise being outright axed! Matter of fact, while we’re at it, let’s just NOT make Elise a focus character so she doesn’t eat up screentime?

The weird time shit in this season/game being altered with Time Stones instead of Chaos Emeralds!

Less plotholes!

Focus on NONLINEAR timelines with LINEAR storytelling.

Silver is less silly!

Metal Sonic!

The Chaotix! AND THEY’RE HERE TO ACTUALLY BE HELPFUL!

Important Sonic characters being important!

Hey guess what? Eggman’s back and busted out of jail and he’s kicking ass! And he’s totally gonna release Solaris even though that didn’t work out so well for him last time!

Mephiles is still a cool villain! And he gets cool new designs for this series too that don’t stray too far from his original form!

I feel like this season/game would be kind of a hard fusion of Sonic CD and Sonic 06, with elements of Sonic CD being changing the past to ensure the future, and the future/present changing as a result. 

The climax of this series would be, well, you know by now. Sonic getting shot in the back, but then revived using the Chaos Emeralds and Time Stones together. But, even with Super Sonic, all seems hopeless, but, Sonic and Knuckles seem to have an idea, and it leads up, to our grand finale:

Solaris, the extra-dimensional being of ultimate power.

Versus

Hyper Sonic, Super Shadow, Super Silver, Super Tails, Super Knuckles, Super Amy, Super Mighty, and Super Ray.

With Solaris finally felled, Sonic and Co. use the last of the energy of their super forms to do two more things. 

Vanquish the flame of Solaris and Mephiles, and ensure that Solaris may never return to any Time Stream.

Silver’s future, although still broken, now looks much brighter, and the world is saved for the final time.

End of Season 4/Game 4.

I’m sure these ideas could be tweaked or changed around to span more seasons/games if certain characters or aspects of the series become popular, or if demand for certain characters appearing gets to be enough. Sonic has an immense library of games to do over or retell in this reboot, why not? 

And, this is just my idea for it, it doesn’t have to go this way explicitly. My only goal with this was to try to unify the Sonic lore in an interesting, unique manner, but also in such a way that it was new, fresh, and it made sense, most of all!

Opening

This really applies more toward the cartoon part of this reboot, that’s not to say the video game COULDN’T utilize the cartoon’s opening or something, it’s just that the opening is more for the show than it is for the games.

There’s a number of ways to go here, but in my mind, the best way to open a Sonic cartoon? Is the way you’d open a Sonic game. How about a condensed ‘remake’ of Sonic CD’s opening, with a few short clips from the first few episodes thrown in there to get people curious and excited about the show when it first airs?

There’s a cover of Sonic Boom by Crush 40 and Cash Cash just waiting to be used for this very thing!

I also think a condensed (that is to say, censored. I hate to censor a great song but ‘kicking-ass fast’ is a bit much for a show that’s likely gonna be PG-rated.) version of the Zebrahead (aka the BEST) version of His World would make for a GREAT opening.

Or if we wanna piggyback off of the recent success of Mania, how about a condensed version of Friends? Maybe we could even end the intro off on a remake of Sonic Mania’s title theme if we wanna have like, a classic Sonic emblem at the end of the opening.

I’d say the opening should be about... 60% new animation with Sonic platforming around and parkouring like he does or whatever, and about 40% old animation of various clips from the show or maybe even the games if we’re feeling kinda frisky to show off the series we’re about to watch, but also for budgetary reasons and to, again, get people interested in what’s actually IN the show, or maybe we could even do it like Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure’s part 1 opening or something where a couple of important scenes from the very beginning of the show or games are re-animated in a flashy way to achieve the same effect, but also wow the audience. That'd be a huge budget sink though and going a classic clip-show-and-new-shit route may just be the ideal compromise.

Marketing

This next part is also a lot more cartoon oriented, and kinda heavily depends on who’s gonna be sponsoring the show and who’s gonna be running it, but, hear me out.

Part of Sonic’s rise to popularity in the 90s was controversial, competitive advertising. And you know what? I haven’t seen anything really quite like this in a long time (except maybe for cleaner commercials), but, lots of people remember how pushy and in your face these commercials were, and how much they really pushed the superiority of the product they were advertising. So you know what? Let’s bring this back. Let’s bring back Sonic’s violent guerilla marketing campaigns.

It’d be a great throwback as well as a statement about Sonic REALLY comin’ back and comin’ back hot; which might get some new people interested to at least watch a few episodes, and in the process of that, they may find they like the new show/games a lot!

(NOTE: I DON’T HATE NICKELODEON, AND THIS ISN’T EXACTLY WHAT I THINK THE SHOW’S SONIC SHOULD LOOK LIKE, THIS IS JUST A PROOF-OF-CONCEPT OF WHAT I THINK THIS SHOW’S ADVERTISING COULD LOOK LIKE)

Or, if we want to opt for more positive, passive marketing strategies, why don’t we revisit an idea that was misused and make it better?

Idk about anyone else but I actually really like the ‘blue streaks to show where Sonic’s been’ idea that the movie posters did, and I think it has potential to make a really memorable-looking advertisement.

Or, why not opt for a more nostalgic passive approach and recreate some of Sonic’s old box art?

Again, it’d be a great throwback as well as a way to get people interested in the show. Although, if we go this route I WOULD say maybe we should make it a little more interesting than just ‘Sonic 1 pose on a black grid or popart background’? Maybe we should combine these box arts and add the pop-art details for little pops of color while Sonic bursts out of this black-grid frame with a richly detailed drawing of Green Hill in the background? I dunno.

Conclusion

Okay, so. I didn’t get to everything I wanted to explain (like other marketing stuff, merchandising, the new actual GAMEPLAY for these new games, how to write the characters and humor, how I think the general ART STYLE of these new cartoons and games should look, etc.) as a matter of fact, I still have a ton more ideas for this reboot, but, here’s the main point:

Sonic the Hedgehog, right now? Sucks. Because it’s such a mess. It has too many ideas that are going off in too many different directions. The best way to change that, in my eyes, is to start over and try to unify all these broken-up ideas into one. I believe this is possible, while still maintaining a pretty widespread appeal and giving broken, old ideas a second chance to shine, but still being fresh and new enough to have a lasting impact and leave the door open for new content later.

I’m really bad at ending posts like this, but, if you went into this post thinking that Sonic can’t or shouldn’t change, I hope I’ve at least provoked thought on the matter. And, maybe, all those hardworking people at SEGA will decide one day that things need to change, whether by a reboot, rewrite or just... doing something a little bit different.

Maybe then, just maybe.

Our blue blur will really shine again.

- Jenny, of @jennikkugoesoff and @jennikku

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

Six Baudelaires AU, Part Three {AO3} {Masterlist} {Part One} {Part Two}

Chapter Eleven → in which Carmelita gets adopted

After Nick had stalked off, Solitude kicked Klaus. “Put me down.” she said. 

“Soli?” Klaus asked. 

“You deal with her.” Solitude gestured to Esme. “Put me down.” 

Klaus glanced at the others, and then he slowly placed the toddler on the ground. She ran off, holding her skirts up and following Nick out. 

He had stopped at the edge of the headquarters, sitting down on a dusty step and gripping tight onto the edge of his jacket, shutting his eyes and breathing hard. Solitude moved up slowly, but she made sure she was loud enough that she wouldn’t scare him into thinking someone was attacking him. 

“Nick?” she called once she was a few feet away. 

“Go away.” he said. 

“Nick.” she said again, finally managing to reach him. She sat beside him, putting her small hand on his arm. “Nick.” 

“What?” He wasn’t even looking at her. 

She leaned her head onto his shoulder and said, “Why?” 

“We’re getting Sunny back, no matter what.” 

She bit her lip, trying to find a better way to phrase her question. 

“Why are you so happy about it?” 

“I’m not.” Nick huffed, curling up. “I hate it, too, Sol. But we have to get her back, and that won’t happen if- if she doesn’t think I’ll-” he shut his eyes. “I don’t enjoy hurting people.” 

“Her?” 

“I just…” 

Solitude crawled onto his lap, looking up at his face. He still wouldn’t open his eyes and look at her. “You want her to feel what she made you feel?” she guessed. 

He nodded. 

“Because she hurt you. She hurt you bad.” 

Nick made a sound that confused Solitude for a moment; she thought he might have gasped, and she wasn’t sure why. She’d just restated what he’d told her. Then she realized that the noise was him trying to hold back a cry. 

Solitude leaned over to hug him again, and then she said, “How’d they hurt you?” 

“I can’t tell you that.” his voice was all choked up. 

“Will it help you?” 

“It won’t help you. I don’t want you… thinking about it.” 

“But you want her to think about it?” 

“Because she’s evil. Her and her stupid boyfriend and…” Nick was breathing very hard. “And everyone. I feel like… like the whole world’s against us.” 

Solitude thought hard about that, her eyes widening. The whole world? That sure was a lot of people, and they probably had better supplies than the rest of them. Bigger numbers, more money and food and luck and… 

That didn’t matter. 

Soli hugged him tighter, and then said, “If they are, at least we’re on the same side.” 

Nick finally opened his eyes to look down at her, and he started to sob. 

Sunny may be a toddler instead of a baby now, but it looked like Solitude had grown up, too. She wasn’t a toddler anymore. 

A long while later, Lilac approached them cautiously, and when Nick turned, she said, “We got something.” 

Nick wiped his eyes with his sleeve, and then he said, “O-okay. How are we getting the bitch up the waterfall?” 

“Mush! Mush!” 

Nick whipped around and shouted, “Esme, if you don’t shut the fuck up, I’ll make you, alright?” 

Violet and Lilac had figured out how to get them back up the slope; they’d taken the toboggan Esme had used to get down and tied it around all of their waists; they quickly added the rest of the forks to everyone’s shoes, while they managed to get Esme strapped to the sled. She was oddly quiet most of the time, aside from the occasional snark. The only one not pulling the sled was Nick, who moved slightly above them and tapped the ice, Solitude strapped to his back, Babbitt snugly stuck into her pocket. She’d actually managed to fall asleep on the way up, rocking against her brother’s back. 

Her other siblings and Quigley were definitely not as relaxed, and not just because they were dragging a villainess up a slope in order to ransom her off for Sunny’s safety. Firstly, Nick still was barely looking at them, and seemed much more furious and violent than they’d seen him before; he kept stabbing his forks into the waterfall as if he planned to impale it completely. Secondly, the slope itself was creaking and groaning and did not seem like it would hold for long; the multiple fork punctures, the toboggan ride, and the increasing temperatures of False Spring were causing the ice to thin quite a bit. The Baudelaires and Quagmire were not sure that it would hold for very long. 

“What are we going to say to Count Olaf?” Klaus asked. “What if he doesn’t trade Sunny for Esme?” 

“We could tell him he’s surrounded.” Lilac suggested quietly, nervously glancing at Esme, who thankfully didn’t seem to be listening. 

“He can see everything from up there, he’ll know we’re bluffing.” Violet muttered. 

“We’ll think of something, I know it.” Quigley said. “Don’t worry.” 

“Worry a lot.” Nick said, turning towards them. “We’re almost there.” Then, quietly, he said, “Who wants to go first?” 

They fell silent, and then Lilac said, “You go up behind us. Make sure Solitude’s awake.” 

Nick nodded, and Lilac said, “Alright, guys. Now or never.” 

She hoisted herself and Violet over the cliff first, as they were in front, and then Klaus and Quigley followed. They dragged the sled up, and just as they got it, they heard a call of, “Who goes there?” 

“Us, you asshole!” Violet shouted. 

Nick climbed up, just as Olaf moved around the black car, giving them very frustrated looks. Behind him came the two mysterious arsonists, also looking incredibly angry. As the Baudelaires stepped forwards, Quigley sticking very close to them, they could see the rest of the troupe, as well as their former coworkers, climbing out of their tents to watch. 

“Miss us?” Klaus asked, crossing his arms, as Nick moved to stand by him, taking Solitude off of his shoulders so he could hold her. 

The woman with hair but no beard scanned the group, her eyes narrowing and her voice dropping in a way that made them all feel very worried. “Baudelaires.” 

“I thought you said they were all dead.” said the man with a beard but no hair. 

“They’re supposed to be.” Olaf snarled. His eyes darted between them. “How did you escape the cliff?” 

“That’s not important.” Lilac said, straightening herself up and trying to look sure of herself. “What’s important is we’re offering a trade.” 

Olaf raised his eyebrow. “A trade?” 

Lilac nodded, struggling not to break under his stare. “We want to trade Esme Squalor for our sister.” 

“You can’t trade Esme, she’s right there.” Olaf said. 

“Only because we captured her, you fuckwit.” Nick said, his voice strangled as he spoke through his teeth, his eyes burning into the Count. 

Olaf turned to him, a flash of surprise in his eyes, and then he said, “Why, my dear Nick, I thought you knew better than to talk back.” 

Nick’s eyes darted to the ground as his breathing quickened, and Solitude hugged him tight. He glared back up and spat, “We’re trading Esme Squalor for Sunny Baudelaire. And then maybe we’ll let you all live. How’s that?” 

Klaus and Lilac flinched, giving him a concerned look, but Violet just grabbed Quigley’s hand, stood up straighter and said, “We want our goddamn sister.” 

“That’s funny.” Olaf said, not looking worried at all, crossing his arms and smirking. “Because we already have Esme.” 

The group turned, and Quigley and Lilac swore under their breath as Esme stood up. She had a large knife in her hands, which she’d used to cut the ropes binding her to the sled. She strutted past the kids, waving the knife around. 

“You see,” she said, as Nick’s face fell into a horrified stare, “I was going to just threaten them into carrying me back up, but it turns out they just volunteered to bring me up themselves.” 

She gave Olaf a side-hug as Solitude stared quickly whispering comfort, and Lilac said, “You little…” 

“Hold on, weren’t there five of them?” asked Colette, who was sitting on the hood of the car and didn’t seem to quite understand what was going on. 

“Hello.” Quigley waved awkwardly. “I’m a Quagmire.” 

“Doesn’t matter.” Olaf said, turning to the Baudelaires with a wicked grin. “You know what? I’m very glad you’re not dead. Now I can have some fun with you.” 

Klaus instantly jumped in front of Lilac, and Quigley grabbed onto Violet’s arm, as Violet put an arm around Nick. Nick, who had started shaking again, turned to Olaf with a very dark glare. 

“Where. Is. Sunny?” he hissed. 

“The freak’s in her casserole dish.” Olaf shrugged. “Not that it matters.” 

Nick took a deep breath, and then said, his voice breaking, “Don’t act like I don’t know what you’d do to her. If you have laid a single fucking hand on my sister, there will be hell to pay.” 

“Oh?” Olaf laughed wickedly. “What are you children going to do about it? In fact, you know what?” He walked over to a small casserole dish behind the car, picking it up. “I have all of you now, and you’ll get the fortune much sooner. I might as well toss the baby off the waterfall.” 

“No!” Lilac screeched, about to jump forwards. 

“Let go of her!” Klaus shouted. 

Nick let out a cry, and Violet had to hold him back, though her other hand flew to the knife still in her pocket. Quigley glanced down at his shoes, wondering if the forks would make effective weapons. 

“Boss, wait!” said the Hook-Handed Man, looking incredibly concerned. 

“Well, then, orphans,” Olaf said, swinging the casserole dish around, “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t!” 

“We can still trade!” Klaus shouted, desperate. 

“What could you possibly give us?” Esme asked. 

An idea came to Lilac, and before she could think about whether or not it was a good one, she blurted it out. 

“We will take Sunny Baudelaire in exchange for the location of the Sugar Bowl!” 

There was a deathly silence as everyone stared at the Baudelaires. 

And then Esme screeched, “You know where it is? Give it to me! Give it to me!” 

“Give us the sugar bowl!” Olaf shouted. 

“We’ll- we’ll trade it for Sunny.” Klaus said quickly. 

“Give us our sister, and then we’ll tell you where the Sugar Bowl is.” Violet said. 

“I can’t just give up the baby!” Olaf shouted. “She’s our ticket to the Baudelaire fortune!” 

“The Sugar Bowl is more important than some silly fortune!” Esme shouted. 

“Silly fortune? They probably don’t even know where the Sugar Bowl is!” 

“Yes, we do!” Quigley shouted, thinking quickly. “Jacques Snicket told me before he died!” 

“You never met Jacques Snicket, you were in that statue the whole time.” said a White-Faced Woman, confused. 

“I’m not Duncan or Isadora!” Quigley hissed. “I’m Quigley Quagmire, I survived the fire, and Jacques Snicket told us where the Sugar Bowl is, and we’ll trade that information for Sunny!” 

“Well,” Olaf groaned, “Some days you just can’t win, can you?” 

“Darling, give them the biting brat!” Esme hissed. 

“Stealing this fortune is for the greater good!” 

“Getting the Sugar Bowl is the greater good!” 

“Enough!” ordered the man with a bear but no hair. “We can’t have you arguing all day long! We have recruits to pick up.” 

“Don’t you fucking dare-” Nick began, gripping tightly onto Soli, who looked about ready to cry, her eyes fixed on the casserole dish. 

Olaf sighed and passed the dish over to one of the White-Faced Women, who was joined by her sister to help hold it. Then, the two mysterious arsonists stepped together closer to the car, and pulled two shiny whistles from under their coats. They blew, and the children instantly threw their hands to their ears, hearing an enormous rustling above their heads. They turned and saw, to their astonishment, hundreds and hundreds of eagles soaring above their heads. 

“When the schism occurred,” cried the woman with hair but no beard, “The volunteers may have won the carrier crows and reptiles, but we have the two most powerful mammals in the world to do our bidding- the lions and the eagles.” 

“Eagles aren’t mammals!” Klaus cried out in frustration. “They’re birds!” 

“They’re slaves.” said the man with a beard but no hair. “And they do what we say, if they want to avoid these.” He shook his coat slightly, enough that the children could see a sturdy, thick whip tied underneath. “And in a few moments, they’ll carry away those idiot children who think they’re going to celebrate False Spring.” 

“Oh no.” Quigley’s eyes widened. 

“Those uniformed brats will be captured,” said the woman with hair but no beard, “And each one of them will be given the exciting opportunity to join us.” 

“They’ll never join you!” Lilac shouted. 

“Either they’ll join us or be our prisoners, it doesn’t matter.” the woman shrugged. “But one thing is for certain- we’ll burn down every single one of their parents’ homes and take their fortunes for ourselves.” 

“Once you tell us where the Sugar Bowl is,” said the man, stepping forwards threateningly, “You’ll be given that opportunity, too.” 

“No, thank you.” Quigley said. 

“We’re not interested.” Violet said. 

“Get fucked.” Solitude said. 

“You won’t succeed.” Lilac said desperately, looking to the casserole dish the White-Faced Women still held. “We have- we have backup-” 

“It’s too late to bullshit us, Baudelaires.” Count Olaf said. “Here they all come now.” 

The villain pointed in the direction of a rocky path, and the children gasped upon seeing the uniformed Snow Scouts, walking in two neat lines, maskless and bored-looking, and following Carmelilta, who was wearing a tiara and a smirk, and Bruce, who had a spring pole in one hand. 

Carmelita stopped after a few feet, glaring at the crowd. “What are all you cakesniffers doing here?” she demanded. “I’m the False Spring Queen, and I order you to go away!” 

“Why, hello, dear Snow Scouts.” said the woman, a false smile painted onto her face. “We’re here to help you celebrate!” 

“No! No, they’re not!” Lilac shouted. 

“It’s a trap!” Violet cried. 

“Turn around and run!” Klaus shouted. 

“Pay no attention to these children.” Count Olaf said quickly. “The mountain air has gone to their heads. Take a few steps closer and we’ll all join you in this special celebration.” 

“We’re happy to accommodate.” Bruce said. “After all, we’re accommodating, basic-” 

“No!” Nick shouted. 

“There’s a net hidden under the snow!” Quigley shouted, spotting the edges peeking out around them. 

“And those eagles are going to help them kidnap you!” Klaus added. 

“The net is decoration,” Esme waved her hand, “And the eagles are wildlife!” 

“Please listen to us!” Klaus begged. 

Carmelita narrowed her eyes. “You cakesniffers look familiar.” she said. “Do I know you?” 

“We were your classmates!” Lilac said. “But that doesn’t matter-” 

“Oh! Yes!” Carmelilta grinned wickedly. “You’re the cakesniffing orphans from the orphan shack!” She glanced at Nick. “You punched me in the face.” 

“They’ll do worse.” Nick said, almost too quiet for anyone to hear. 

“You’re just cakesniffing orphans trying to ruin my special day!” Carmelita huffed. She ripped the pole from Bruce’s hands and marched across the field, stepping onto the ice of the waterfall and laughing. “I crown myself False Spring Queen!” 

She slammed the pole into the ice, and a large crack appeared, rushing through and down the waterfall; it looked like the mountain was about to split in two. 

“Now, why doesn’t everyone come forwards and dance the False Spring Dance?” Esme called, clapping delightedly. 

“Sounds good to me.” said Kevin, as he, Hugo and Colette stepped into the center of the net. “After all, I have two equally strong feet.” 

“And we should really be accommodating.” Hugo said. 

“Absolutely!” Bruce agreed. “Come on, Snow Scouts, we are-” 

The Snow Scouts began to recite, marching right into the center of the net, but the second they were all inside, the woman with hair but no beard blew her whistle, and the eagles dropped. 

Several eagles swooped down, grasping onto the edges of the net and lifting i high into the air. Carmelita, who was standing outside the net, screamed and jumped back, covering her head with her gloved hands. Nick clutched Solitude to him as tightly as possible, his face going white and his shaking getting even worse. He let out a scream, as the Snow Scouts gasped and shouted, and Bruce called, “What’s going on!” 

“What’s happening?” shouted a Snow Scout. 

“I’m scared!” 

“Honestly,” said one bored-looking girl, “I’m just happy something different is going on this year.” 

“Why are you recruiting us, too?” Colette asked, peering from the net. “We already work for you.” 

“We’ll pick you up on the way to the Last Safe Place.” Olaf waved his hand. 

The man with a beard but no hair blew his whistle, and the eagles flew off. Esme giggled and ran to grab something from the tents, while Carmelita stepped back, confusedly staring after the birds. 

“Now that we have the eagles,” said the man, “We can finally catch up to that self-sustaining hot air mobile home.” 

“No!” Quigley shouted, his eyes flashing with terror. 

The woman and man just gave him a smirk, and then whistled again, and two eagles carried them away. 

“Don’t you dare!” Nick shouted. 

“No!” Violet cried. “Don’t-” 

“This is getting tiresome.” Olaf said. “I’d forgotten how annoying you all are together. I only need one of you alive to get your fortune and the Sugar Bowl, and you’re already here for us to grab.” He turned to the White-Faced Women, and said, “Throw the brat over the waterfall.” 

“No!” Lilac screamed. 

But to their surprise, one of the women also said, “No.” 

Olaf looked just as shocked as they did. “What?” 

“We said no.” said the other White-Faced Woman, and the two of them placed the casserole dish on the ground. “We don’t want to be part of your schemes any longer.” 

“We lost our parents and sibling in a fire.” said her sister. “And we don’t think that was a coincidence anymore.” 

Olaf gaped. “Obey my orders this instant!” he yelled, but the women just shook their heads, turned away from the villain, and began to walk away. Olaf took a deep breath, and then said, “I don’t need them! I don’t need anyone to complete my plans! I can throw the baby over myself!” 

He raced over and grabbed the casserole dish, and hastened to the side of the waterfall. Lilac screeched and ran forwards, followed closely by her siblings, only to watch as Olaf hurled the casserole dish over the edge.  

“No!” Nick screamed, as Solitude let out a loud wail. 

“Sunny!”  Klaus shouted. 

Lilac’s voice broke in a cry, and then Violet shouted, “You fucking piece of shit!” 

“Well,” Olaf smirked, “At least we got rid of the baby.” 

“I’m not a baby!” 

Everyone jumped and turned to see Sunny herself crawl out from beneath the villain’s car, beaming, her hair still tied back. Soli cheered, and Lilac ran to her and lifted her up, hugging her tight. 

“What the hell?” Olaf shouted, looking down the waterfall. “I just-” 

“Eggplant!” Sunny giggled. 

“She put an eggplant in the dish.” Klaus said, smiling. 

“Wow, you’re all fucking idiots.” Quigley said. 

“Nothing is going right for me today!” Olaf huffed. “I’m beginning to think washing my face was a waste of time.” 

“Now, now, Olaf,” Esme emerged from her tent, slinging a bag over her shoulders, “We still have the Baudelaires within our grasp. Just toss five of them over the cliff.” 

“That’s true.” Olaf said, as Lilac retreated to stand in front of her siblings, and Violet put her arm around Nick again. The Count smirked and said, “Now, Lilac is the eldest, so we’ll have to wait the least amount of time.” 

Esme glared at him. “We don’t need that ugly girl. Having an infant servant was fun.” 

The Baudelaires backed up, with Violet grabbing Quigley’s arm, just as Carmelita, who had been watching this all in some kind of daze, volunteered, “Oh! You could smash Klaus’s glasses and watch him bump into things!” 

“That’s an excellent idea.” Olaf said, turning to her. 

“Why, you’re an adorable little girl.” Esme said, stepping closer to the girl. “Would you like to join us?” 

“Join you?” Carmelita asked. 

“I could buy you all sorts of In outfits.” Esme said. “And we can give you some exciting adventures.” 

“Don’t believe them, Carmelita!” Quigley shouted. “They’ll burn your parents’ house down!” 

“Who are you going to believe, Carmelita?” Olaf asked. “Those orphans, or the adults?” 

“Carmelita, don’t listen to them!” Violet cried. 

“Carmelita, don’t join them!” Lilac shouted. 

“You’re making a monstrous decision!” Solitude said. 

“Carmelita,” Olaf said, in a sickeningly sweet voice, “Why don’t you choose one orphan to live, and push the others off the cliff, and then we’ll all go to a nice hotel  together.” 

“You’ll be like the daughter we never had.” Esme said. 

“Or something.” added Olaf, as he approached Carmelita.  

Carmelita glanced to the children, and then back to the adults. “Do you really think I’m adorable?” she asked. 

“I think you’re the most adorable little girl I’ve ever seen.” Esme said. 

“Don’t listen to them!” Quigley pleaded. 

“Carmelita, run!” Klaus shouted. 

Carmelita just smiled and gave Esme a hug. She turned towards Olaf, starting forwards, and just then, Nick thrust Solitude into Violet’s arms and raced ahead of her, pushing her back. 

“Hey! You cakesniffer!” Carmelita shouted. 

“Get away from her!” Nick shouted. 

Olaf snarled and swung his hand, slapping Nick across the face. Lilac screamed and started forwards, but Klaus pushed her back, gesturing to the wide-eyed Sunny in her arms, before he started running. 

Nick let out a terrified screech, as Olaf grabbed tightly onto his arm, yanking him closer. Nick screamed again, tears springing to his eyes. He ripped his arm back, barely managing to break Olaf’s grip, and he shouted, his voice cracked and choked up, “Touch me again and I’ll skin you alive!” 

“Now, now,” Olaf chided, stepping closer to him, “That’s no way to talk. Apologize.”  

Klaus threw himself in front of his brother, holding out his arms. “Get away from him!” he shouted, as Nick grabbed onto him, burying his head in his twin’s shoulder. 

Olaf started forwards, and Quigley and Violet ran forwards, too, grabbing onto Klaus and Nick and dragging them back. Solitude flipped Olaf off, and Lilac, still holding a now angry Sunny, ran to help her siblings. 

“Oh, stop being so annoying.” Olaf said. “You’re at a disadvantage, Baudelaires. We can just throw you off the cliff right now. There’s nowhere to go.” 

Sunny narrowed her eyes, and then said, “Rosebud.” 

Her siblings understood. 

“Sled! Now!” Lilac cried. 

They ran to the toboggan, rushing to squeeze on. Lilac pushed Sunny into Klaus’s arms and started pushing as everyone pressed together, and then she leapt onto the back as it went right over the waterfall.  

“We’ll be right behind you, Baudelaires!” roared Olaf, but they could only barely hear him over the sound of cracking ice. 

“Oh, shit.” Klaus said, looking back at the waterfall; droplets were starting to splash out as the ice cracked. 

“We’ll have a head start, we punctured his tires.” Violet shouted, clinging to Solitude and Nick, who looked like he was going to throw up, and not from the sudden drop. 

“He’ll have to take the path down!” Quigley added. “Maybe we can reach the Last Safe Place before he does!” 

“Hotel Denouement!” Sunny cried. “Overhear! Hotel Denouement!” 

“Good work, Sunny!” Violet said proudly, grabbing onto the leather straps at the front of the toboggan, steering it away from a ledge. 

“I bet I can find it, I have a city map somewhere-” Quigley said. 

“Fuck!” Violet shouted, as the sled jolted to the right, hitting onto a large crack. 

“What did you do?” Lilac cried. 

“The steering mechanism is broken!” Violet said. “Dragging Esme up must have weakened it!” 

“Son of a-” Klaus said. 

“At this velocity,” Lilac said, eyes wide, “The toboggan won’t stop!”  

“What do we do?” Solitude asked. 

“Drag your shoes across the ice!” Violet cried. “The forks should slow us down!” 

Lilac, Violet, Klaus and Quigley stuck their shoes against the ice, but it didn’t seem to help much. “Hold on!” Violet shouted, pulling the bread knife from her pocket and thrusting it into the ice. 

The blade hit the crack, and the Baudelaires heard what sounded like a huge shattering. 

In one crash, the ice burst apart, breaking to pieces, and the waters of the Stricken Stream rushed down the slope. The Baudelaires barely managed to take a deep breath just as the toboggan was forced underwater, as Lilac reached forwards and put her arms around Klaus and Violet, who had their arms around Nick, and Solitude and Sunny clung to their older siblings. 

But as the toboggan reached the surface, tumbling down the Stricken Stream, they realized someone was gone. 

“Quigley!” Violet screamed, whipping around. 

Quigley was barely bobbing above the water, barely gripping onto a piece of wood that might have been from headquarters. “Violet!” he called, terrified. 

“Quigley!” Violet screamed, and her siblings joined in, calling for their friend. 

Quigley barely managed to stay afloat, and he called, “Wait for me! The Last Safe Place! Wait for-” 

The Baudelaires heard no more, as a sudden fork in the stream jolted their toboggan to the right, and Quigley’s plank was forced to the left. 

“Quigley!” Violet’s voice broke, starting to cry. 

“He’s alive!” Klaus shouted over the rushing waters. “He’s alive, Violet!” 

“He’ll be okay!” Lilac promised, but Violet just sobbed.  

The sled rushed down the waters, and it was all the Baudelaires could do to hold onto each other as they rushed towards the sea. 

“Are we all here?” Klaus asked, not able to see a lot without turning around, which might threaten to break his siblings’ hold. 

“Sound off!” Lilac said, also starting to cry. “Like when Mom and Dad took us to the zoo and it got crowded! One!” 

“Two!” Violet barely managed to say. 

“Th-three!” said Nick, through his sobs and shakes. 

“Four!” Klaus said. 

“Five!” Solitude called. 

“Six!” Sunny shouted, clinging tight to Lilac. 

They heard a small chirp, and then Solitude cheered, “Seven! Babbitt’s awake!” 

“Just hold tight!” Lilac shouted, as the sled hurled out of the river and into the ocean. 

For several hours- or perhaps some very long minutes- the Baudelaires just held each other as the toboggan rushed through the cold waves of the sea. Nick was sobbing and shaking, and him and Violet just cried and held each other, and Klaus and Lilac kept their arms tight around everyone, and Solitude and Sunny clung to the older Baudelaires and tried not to think about the treacherous waters beneath them. 

After a while, the toboggan slowed enough that they didn’t feel like they were in imminent danger, and Nick burst out, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m-” 

“Don’t be!” Klaus said, pressing himself against his brother for comfort. “Don’t be, Nick!” 

“It’s my fault!” 

“No! Don’t think that!” Lilac said. “This isn’t our fault, okay? It’s his.” 

“We just need to get somewhere safe.” Violet said, barely over her own tears. 

“Eye!” Solitude shouted, and everyone turned and stared. 

In front of them, as the waters slowed, what seemed to be a giant eye peered out of the water. But as they watched, it rose, and they realized the eye was made of metal. 

“It’s a periscope!” Klaus said. “From a submarine!” 

“And it’s got their symbol.” Nick sobbed, and they realized that the eye, indeed, made a VFD. 

The toboggan slid to a stop, bumping against a bit of metal, attached to the periscope. 

“There’s a submarine beneath us.” Lilac gasped, as they all struggled to  breathe  normally.  

“Hello?” Klaus called to the periscope. 

Sunny pointed, having spotted a hatch against the metal. The closest Baudelaires, Violet and Solitude, started to pound on it. 

“Hello!” Violet cried. 

“Shalom!” Solitude added. 

Over the sound of the water, they heard a voice, from beneath the hatch, very echoey. 

“Friend or foe?” 

The Baudelaires looked to each other, confused. “Well,” Lilac said, shaking and clinging to Sunny, “There’s only one answer that will get us in.” 

“Friend!” Solitude called. 

The echoey voice spoke again. “Password, please.” 

The Baudelaires glanced to each other, confused. “We don’t know a password.” Klaus said. 

“We can’t just stay out here!” Violet said. 

“It’s a VFD Submarine.” Nick said, leaning against his siblings and trying to stop crying. “So… so it’ll be…” 

Lilac realized first. 

She leaned forwards to the hatch, and shouted, “The world is quiet here!” 

There was a pause, and then the hatch opened.

[scratchface]

Episode 90? (ಠ_ಠ)

I was hoping this episode would make more sense on the second viewing. Nope! It’s even more confusing!

I mean, at first this episode seems pretty straightforward, but everything that happens is pretty darn nonsensical from the start.

Let’s get right into it...

There’s a lot of weird things bout these lines. First, “once upon a time”? The Cyberse was destroyed a couple months ago, tops. If Miyu and the Wind Origin were attacked in the same time frame, it can’t have been even a year since their individual tragedies. Why is something so recent being referred to as “once upon a time”? I know Aoi likes fairy tales, but this is just...a bizarre way of talking about something that may very well have only started three months before. 

Plus, we’ve seen no evidence of the rogue Ignis attacking anyone besides the three other lost victims. So the whole “invasion” line is odd too (even if it was almost cool).

I’m glad we’ve gotten Miyu’s full name, but, uh, what the hell, Aoi? This duel is being broadcasted to all your other “allies” and the enemy. A group that not only includes a bunch of guys you know almost nothing about, but also Miyu’s kidnappers. Is it really a good idea to tell Miyu’s kidnappers her full name and that she’s in a coma? Especially in front of a bunch of news-chasing reporters? She even goes as far as to implicate just how involved in this mess Miyu is, even pointing out that she’s related to the Ignis, right in front of Frog and Pigeon. 

For someone who seemingly changed her avatar twice to hide her own identity, this is pretty careless! Is it really okay for Aoi to just go around dropping other people’s names? It’s fine if you want to give yourself away, like Ryoken, but you really shouldn’t be giving away the secrets of people who aren’t even awake! Especially not to their kidnappers and some random reporters! And especially when you haven’t even spoken to the victim in over ten years! 

And while we’re on the topic of giving away people’s identities:

I thought the whole point of Blue Maiden was so Akira wouldn’t know Aoi had an Ignis. Or at least keep him from getting caught up in things while Aoi made her own decisions. She even left that weird letter! It was never stated, but that seemed like the only explanation for it. After all, it’s not like SOL knew Blue Angel was Blue Girl, so there was no problem with them knowing Blue Girl had an Ignis. So Akira’s the only one who would find that information concerning. 

But here Ema really just comes out and says it, which…makes Blue Maiden pointless? The letter pointless? Or I guess, that was never the point of any of those things, but then I gotta wonder, what was the point then? Am I missing something? Totally possible. 

And of course, the rest of the dialogue doesn’t make much more sense. 

Minor nitpick, but back when Yusaku was dueling Bohman in an effort to get Jin’s consciousness back, he won (twice) and still got nothing. Suddenly Bohman is willing to just give Miyu’s consciousness back if he loses? I guess Lightning’s just not using it for anything important?

Bohman has literally seen Yusaku pull off absolutely absurd protag combo plays so many times now without even batting an eyelid, but he finds such a simple monster effect really impressive apparently. 

There’s been nothing but illogical and wasteful actions all episode! There’s not a hint of logic to be seen! Get out of here! Σ(°ロ°)/

It sounds more like fate was keeping her uninvolved actually, considering she and Miyu haven’t met again, haven’t had any contact, and don’t actually know a single thing about each other anymore. Having Aoi actually around and there for her may have made things easier on Miyu, but “fate” never allowed that to happen.

How?

Aoi found out about Miyu a couple of episodes ago! It doesn’t seem like she ever even looked for Miyu, despite knowing her full name in a city that’s probably overflowing with social media! Miyu being a victim hasn’t altered Aoi’s life in the slightest. She never had to deal with not knowing if Miyu was alive, or ever coming back, like the families did. She never had to deal with the fallout like Kusanagi and Takeru’s grandparents did. 

Finding out your childhood friend , who you seemingly haven’t even thought about in years, got kidnapped, ten years after the fact, isn’t some life altering event! 

At least Ryoken has the excuse of probably not knowing that. For all he knows, Aoi and Miyu have been glued at the hip for a long time, not that they’re practically strangers at this point. The writers don’t have that excuse. Can I talk to whoever wrote the script for this episode please?

There’s even more odd lines than just these, but let’s move on to the things I did like. Marincesses bursting into water when they die is a fun touch, and the OST this episode was used well. We got some more world building this episode, which I enjoyed, and Bohman’s parts were very interesting. 

Is Bohman making his bid for the role as the final boss of the season? It would be cool if he did manage to absorb all the Ignis, if only to see the results. (There’s no way that it would be permanent, anyway, since this is YGO.) As for his claim at “being” Link VRAINS... I can’t wait to see where that’s going! Hopefully a place with less painful writing...

[draculaurennn]

Do luvin now

. — Luvin: Send me a ship and I’ll break them DOWN

How did they they meet?

Lucid catapulted her presence into the WRO by bringing Zack back from the dead, and then she stayed, and picked on Vincent until he fell in love w her. easy peasy. 

Who developed romantic feelings first?

Vincentttt. he’s a sweet lil romantic deep down, we all know it. and Lucid’s nice and understands being miserable in her own way, and she’s also like, a grandma in a hot Gongagan body so. /dab

Who is their biggest “shipper?”

IT’S. TIFA. you’d think it would be Zilly, but NO. Tifa loves love and she’s gonna ship her friends till she dies. 

When did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances?

omg that was great. at an infiltration assignment in Junon, they got caught in a processing room where there were abunch of computers with data to access and hack, etc. and anyway Vincent was like “omg i just wanna make out w my girlfriend dude get out,” and the employee left, and he apologized, and then he unapologized and kissed Lucid again and it gives. me. life. 

Who confessed their feelings first?

i guess technically Vincent. with his mouth. LOL

What was their first official date?

i actually forget. i want to say their date was in Edge after the Junon thing, because they went to stay at Lucid’s for a bit, but i don’t know if that counts as a date or just being old adults who move too fast. 

How do they feel about double dates/group dates?

i think they’re okay with them. i think they like spending time with their friends, but i also think they’re too shy to be super pda in front of their friends. 

What do they do in their down time?

Vincent just mills. i mean, i think he cleans his guns and . . . does whatever broody sad bois do. Lucid sleeps, or when she’s home, she gardens. but mostly she sleeps because she expends so much energy for magic she’s on her last legs like 90% of the day. 

What was the first meeting of parents as an official couple like?

neither of them have parents anymore (or at all). but Lucid has her bisabuelo, who isn’t really her bisabuelo, just an older Ancient, and he’s a dick. so it went pretty well in regards to the fact that bisabuelo loves the fact that Vincent is a harbinger of Chaos. and that’s literally not a good thing. 

What was their first fight over and how did they get past it?

their first fight was over Lucretia. Vincent was mad that Lucid had opinions about how she allowed what happened to him to happen, and Lucid was mad that he was blind to how abused he was, and that he was apologetic for what Lucretia went through when literally, she let him suffer and wasn’t much better to him. they’re grown ups, so with a little time to cool off, they let it blow over, but Lucid actually really hasn’t gotten past that fight and she doesn’t like that she doesn’t feel like she can confront Vincent about letting himself be abused, and abusing himself for being abused. 

Which one is more easily made jealous?

Lucid. she doesn’t like to say it, but she’s posessive and defensive and will fight someone. it’s like that scene where Captain America starts to lift Thor’s hammer; she like kinda thinks it’s funny but also is very nervous about people who have any sort of advances towards Vincent. 

What is their favourite thing to get to eat?

i have no idea. Lucid doesn’t eat meat and Vincent only eats meat. i think they’re the most mismatched for food, so i imagine they have more difficult conversations about meals than expected. 

Who’s the cuddly one? What their favourite cuddling position?

Lucid’s a heat stealing lizard woman and a koala. she likes to have one arm draped on him and one leg. Vincent has no favourite position because he’s probably sweating to death. 

How long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time? What’s the circumstances?

like . . . i think it was like a week? they’re old and always dying. let them move fast.

Who tops?

UHH it depends LOL

Who does the shopping and the cooking?

Lucid, for the most part. she likes cooking, but i think they shop together because he likes to pick his own cuts of meat. Vincent cooks sometimes, because he’s a nice, romantic boi like that, and he always helps. 

Which one is more organized and prone to tidiness?

both. Lucid is incredibly particular about the organization of her work supplies, and cleanliness comes with that. Vincent is very minimalist, and, ignoring the ancient house he’s letting rot in Kalm, he doesn’t have a lot of things, so he also keeps a pretty tidy space. Lucid, i guess, would be the sloppier one just based on the fact that she leaves books everywhere. 

Who proposes?

Vincent, because he’s a 62 year old gentleman

Do they have joined Bachelor/Bacheloette parties or separate?

both! i think everyone would pretty much wind up back at the 7th Heaven to have fun, so even if they start as separate outings, it ends with liquor at Tifa and Cloud’s. 

Who is the best man/maid of honour? Any other groomsmen or bridesmaids?

Lucid has two maids of honour, because she loves Tifa and Illyria equally, but Tifa is less likely to be dying at any given moment, so she can take more phone calls about scheduling lol. Vincent probably picked Cid, as much as Cloud and Zack and Barret would complain. 

Big Ceremony or Small?

small !! they only have like 10 important people in their lives. but they’ll live forever so who knows, they can get married as many times as they want.

Do they have a honeymoon? If so, where?  

i think they’d compromise and go to Mideel, because the temperature is more tolerable than Costa del Sol, and Lucid would refuse to freeze to death at Icicle Inn. 

Do they have children? How many?

F I V E. resurrected essence of Sephiroth (long story) manifested by accident (also long story) is their first. he’s  a good boy and you can’t tell me he’s not. Vigo is second, and he’s everything that’s wrong with a witch’s infatuation with partially-Chaos!Vincent. he’s a terrible person, but he has glimmers of good in him. he’s also skinny as a pole, tan like his mom, and has the crow like features of his dad, so he’s a handsome boi. then there’s Terra and Irving, which means Vincent got one gun son, and Noct, who is Lucid’s sweetest prince, and is everything good about a witch’s infatuation with chaos!Vincent. (i think these kids may be the most cross-over we’ve ever done, and they’re good garbage). somehow, in all of the world saving and keeping up w 5 kids, they avoid a minivan.   

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

The Misadventures of Prince Kim - chapter 65

All you new followers I know perfectly well you’re all Kim fans, just like me. Anyway, if you have like 17 years of free time, here is 247,000+ words of a royalty AU Kim being a Kimbecile (though it’s nearly finished, I swear, and it’s way stupider than it sounds)

Also on AO3 so you can read it from the beginning, which would make so much more sense

Kim made sure not to be late for this year’s Peace Ball. He didn’t want any more servants challenging him to hopeless lacrosse matches this time round, and anyway, now that he was officially a part of the International Alliance, it would be best to make a good impression. He was welcomed into the hall with his name and title announced over the speakers, then left to fend for himself.

This time things did appear to be somewhat more relaxed. It seemed that the simple act of the ball taking place in Lahiffe was enough for all these upper status people to chill out a little, which was nice. There was much more laughter to be heard over the energetic music Prince Nino was playing from the corner, and far fewer judgemental looks aimed Kim’s way.

He found Max almost straightaway, right near the entrance of this giant hall itself.

“Kim!” Max rushed over, a huge smile on his face. “You look amazing!”

Kim was very tempted to pull Max into a close hug, as he often did, but held back. Technically he wasn’t officially out yet, and who knew what the rest of the International Alliance would think? Things were too precarious now to risk it.

“You look amazing too,” he said, putting on a smile. Max saw through it immediately.

“What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

Kim ran a hand through his hair, wondering how to put it – then quickly put his hand back down when he realized he would be ruining it after all his hours of hard work. “I’m just kinda nervous. There’s all these people here, leaders of the most powerful countries in the world, and I’m the newbie, so like… I mean, I’m not scared or anything, I’m just…”

He was scared, though. His childhood days of being totally fearless were over. The terrifying events of the past year had taught him that consequences existed, severe consequences, and he couldn’t afford to make one wrong move. His country was relying on him.

“And you know what Master Fu told me at the oracle session,” he continued. “The timelines are gonna split again, and in one I’ll be able to go home this summer but in the other I won’t. And timeline splits in the past have always been really bad! What if I accidentally cause a…”

“A war?” Max asked. He took hold of one of Kim’s hands and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I don’t think you need to worry about that. There won’t be a war.”

“How do you know?”

“My oracle session, not this one, but the one last year. I asked if my country would go to war within the next 10 years and the answer was no. Considering that when one member of the International Alliance goes to war the rest will follow, it seems unlikely that you’ll cause anything. Otherwise my country would be dragged in too!”

So there wouldn’t be a war? Oh, thank goodness!

Kim squeezed Max’s hand in return, a genuine smile on his face now. “That’s a relief. Thanks, Max.”

“You’re very welcome. And anyway, no matter what happens, I’m here for you. All of us are.”

That was so cheesy and cute, Kim knew he was blushing. “You’re too good for me, honestly. But if there’s not gonna be a war, then what could cause the timeline split? Why wouldn’t I be able to go home? I mean, I guess maybe I could die or something, but–”

“Shhhhh, you’re not dying on my watch.”

“But you and Alix have had your turns, can’t I get to die a horrible death too? It’s not fair otherwise!”

Max chuckled. “Oh Kim… if anyone’s listening in on this conversation they’d probably think we’re nuts…”

That was a good point! Kim quickly looked around to check if anyone important was nearby, but all he saw was some foreign princess watching them, who choked on her drink and turned away blushing when she noticed that he’d caught her. No one important then.

“So anyway, back to death and despair,” he said. “Do you think I’ll die and cause a timeline split?”

“I have no idea, but I hope not. You’re in excellent health, you should be totally fine.”

That didn’t mean that some tragic accident couldn’t befall him, or that he couldn’t just suddenly get ill, like last year when he’d caught the flu during the pandemic. But seeing Max’s unhappy face, Kim dropped the topic.

“Where’s Markov?” he asked. “I know he doesn’t even count as royalty or nobility or anything like that so he probably wasn’t even invited, but…”

“Oh, he is invited!” Max said, smile back on his face. “He’s considered a guest of honour and part of the royal family of Kanté.”

“Really? That’s awesome! Where is he?”

Max shrugged. “Somewhere in here, I think. He told me he didn’t want to get in the way when I ask you to dance with me.”

Kim’s heart leapt up. “You’re gonna dance with me?”

“Yes, of course, just like last year except better. Nino’s got something planned. Come on!”

Still holding his hand, Max pulled Kim along behind him towards the dancefloor, where many of Nino’s kid relatives were goofing around in a way that reminded Kim of how he and Marinette used to be when they were little. Oh, how he missed those carefree days…!

The next thing he saw, an adorable little puppy was barking away and running across the room, leading to excited gasps from most of the onlookers. The puppy ran up to the DJ table and leapt into Nino’s arms. Nino laughed and ruffled the little dog’s fur, planting a kiss on its head.

Nino’s family had a pet dog? Huh, Kim had never known that. There seemed to be a lot about Nino that no one knew.

Close enough now, Max waved at Nino, who winked back and pressed a button on his soundboard. Within a few seconds the current song had faded out and something very familiar was playing over the speakers instead…

The jive from the party in January!

Without even saying anything, Kim pulled Max into the very centre of the dancefloor and continued right from where they’d left off almost a year ago, the sound of Max’s laughter washing away any fear he had. This was so much fun – why couldn’t all royal events be more like this? The Lahiffe Kingdom really had the right idea!

Within a few minutes they were not the only ones. Queen Sol herself had turned up to join in, bending down to dance with one of Nino’s adorable tiny cousins, and soon many more of the guests made their way over to join the fun. It seemed that plenty of International Alliance members were nowhere near as stuck-up as they seemed. What a relief, maybe they’d think well of Kim after all…

-

While all that was going on, Alix had found her way to a deserted corner of the room with Markov whizzing along behind her to keep an eye on her.

“You don’t need to babysit me,” she said to him, leaning against one of the pillars that was secluding this area. “I already get enough of that from Jalil. So please tell me you’re just here to chat.”

“Not quite,” Markov said, his eyes flicking down to the bottle in her hand. “I don’t think you should drink that.”

“Well why not? I’m 18 now, I’m allowed!” Just to spite him, she took a big swig from the bottle – only to start coughing. Ew, this stuff was like rotten grape juice mixed with bleach! Worse than anything else she’d ever had, and that was saying something.

Markov’s fans whirred louder for a second, as if he was sighing. “First of all, it is considered an acquired taste. Second, though you may be 18, you are very small in size and therefore you will be affected much faster and more heavily. Third, it is unwise of you to drink unsupervised, especially considering how reckless you can be even without any ethanol in you. Fourth, you’re supposed to pour it in a glass and drink it!”

While he had been speaking, Alix had braced herself and drank more of this stuff. At first it was searing, burning her throat like acid. But after a few sips it wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was sort of nice, like molten lava running down her gut.

“I can drink it how I want,” she snapped. “Other royalty events and stuff only ever have soft drinks, so this might be my only chance to see what it feels like. Bless the Lahiffe Kingdom for being so chill.” With that, she took another few sips. It was making her feel all warm inside, the ends of her fingers tingling slightly. No wonder people liked this stuff.

“You should slow down at least,” Markov suggested. “I would hate to be responsible for you throwing up in front of everyone…”

Oh, he was right about that. She sat down on the ground and put the bottle down beside her. The snake was feeling strangely heavy on her shoulders, so she put it down on the ground too.

“That’s better.” Markov floated down to her level. “Did you have water? Anything to eat?”

She poked that little face of his, giggling slightly. “You do sound like Jalil. Maybe it’s a nerd thing – all nerds are squares who sound exactly the same. Did Max programme you to be a nerd on purpose? Uh wait… what did you ask again? I wasn’t listening.”

Markov shook his head. “It is already affecting you. That makes sense, considering your height.”

“’Scuse me? Me being short doesn’t mean anything, thank you very much!” She grabbed the bottle and stood up again just to be able to look down on him, though her feet seemed to have a bit of a mind of her own.

“If you drink much more then you’ll have a headache tomorrow,” Markov said.

“Pfffff, hangovers aren’t real. That’s just a movie thing, isn’t it?”

“No, they are real.”

“Whatever. I don’t care. And how do you know so much about all this, anyway? Robots can’t drink!” She took another swig from the bottle, her hands going slightly numb at the ends now.

“It’s called research,” Markov said, “and perhaps you should do some too at some point so that next time you can drink more responsibly.”

“Markov, dude, there won’t be a next time. This is probably the only chance ever, or at least in a long time and – wait is this an earthquake? No, it’s just me… okay never mind…”

Alright, she was getting a little dizzy now. She grabbed Markov out of the air to stabilize herself and didn’t realize that it hadn’t worked until she found herself sitting on the floor again. Without thinking she raised the bottle to her lips again, only for Markov to wrench himself out of her grasp and take it away from her. She tried to snatch it back, but somehow he was moving too fast – how was he doing that?

“I think you have had enough,” he said. “You should probably leave it there for now unless you want to be unable to even walk back to your room later.”

The thought of trying to walk and tripping all over the place was inexplicably hilarious to her, and she was giggling over it before she knew it. Even funnier was the thought that a robot, of all things, was giving her a lecture on responsible drinking. “Maybe you’ll have to carry me! I’m small, right? Can you carry me?”

Markov giggled a little too. “Of course I can’t carry you! You may be small, but I am much smaller.”

“Yeah, true. I guess I gotta get someone else then, like Kim. Good thing he didn’t drink any of the stuff ‘cause he’s way stupider than me. Or did he drink any? What’s he even doing? Snogging Max, probably. Or would he do that here? I don’t know. How I am now is how he’s like all the time, so maybe he’s doing something stupid like always.”

“I believe he is dancing with Max.”

“Good, I hope they’re happy. I was the one who got them together. Did you know that? I’m the best. They’re both idiots.”

“You are using ‘idiots’ as a term of endearment, right?”

Those words took far longer than usual to process in Alix’s brain. “Yeah, yeah, I insult them all the time. They’re my friends so I’m allowed.”

For some reason it was getting harder to make herself pronounce words properly. She tried to reach for the bottle again but Markov slapped her hand away. Weirdly enough, it barely even hurt. Did this count as being drunk? Because in that case, it was awesome.

“Will you keep being friends with them when school is finished?” Markov asked.

“Yeah, duh,” she replied. “Max lives like a tiny plane ride away and we were already friends before, I can hang out with him whenever I want. And Kim… wait…”

A terrible thought occurred to her. She tried to get to her feet but her limbs simply weren’t responding, so she clumsily grabbed Markov out of the air again and held him right up near her face to hear her properly.

“His oracle sesh… shhs… thing! This summer, either he’ll go back home, or some bad thing will happen to him, and we don’t know which! And both suck, ‘cause I don’t want bad things happening to my friend, but if he goes home it’s so far away and I won’t see him for so long!”

It was getting more and more impossible to visualize a world map in her head, but the kingdom of Lê Chiến was all the way on another continent, and there were definitely no airports there. If Kim went back, he’d probably stay there for literal years.

“But you will be able to speak to him by telephone,” Markov said, the little propellers on his head spinning around in a way that made Alix’s head hurt.

“Only if they fix the tele… those cable things which Agreste broke. And that’s not the point! He’s… him… friend…”

Being drunk was suddenly starting to feel a lot less awesome. Letting go of Markov, she lurched over and grabbed the bottle, only to put it back down when the taste started to sicken her. Maybe she had drank it too fast after all.

“He is your friend and so you don’t want him to leave for a long time,” Markov said. “It will make you unhappy. That makes sense.”

She nodded, hugging her knees to her chest and resting her spinning head on them. “I never had close friends before. Not like him. And no one will think I care that much ‘cause I’m not Max…”

“Are you crying?”

“N-no!” She gave him a shove. Was it the drink that made her all emotional? This was really starting to suck. “I’ll miss him, okay? Is that bad? I don’t want him to leave me… Is that shellfish? Am I shell… no… sh… shhh…”

Markov was laughing at her, and she was overcome by the strange urge to hit him. Her arm was already up in the air before she stopped herself – why would she hit a robot? That was mean. And selfish. There, she could say the word in her head. So why not out loud?

“Stop laughing, you know what I mean!” She settled for giving the stupid robot another shove, though her coordination was so off that she almost missed. “I should just let him go home and not be sad. But no one else is that fun, you’re all killjoys! There’s no one else like him. He’s stupid and reckless and crazy and the best and oh my god I love him and why am I saying all this?!”

Markov had those upturned arch eyes, looking smug as ever. “You drank too much so your inhibitions are lowered. You are speaking what’s on your mind.”

“What? No!” That had been way too cheesy, no one could find out! She tried to grab Markov but missed. “No I was just… ignore all that! I was joking, I… I really don’t care…”

.-.. .. .- .-. the snake tapped out on the ground beside her.

“Oh shut up! I… look, don’t tell anyone what I said… one time he had a cold and I was saying all the mushy stuff to him ‘cause I thought he’d forget but he didn’t, and he’s already full of himshelf… sh… show-off… and I don’t want people thinking I’m all sh… shhh… oh fuck alcohol, I’m never drinking again, I can’t shay anything…”

Markov had been quietly chuckling away, but now stopped and looked at her with bigger eyes than usual. “Alix, are you a tsundere?”

Did he… did he just…?

“Markov,” she said, “are you a frickin’ weeb?”

“Um… Max introduced me to anime, and I do rather like it a lot, and I did a lot of research about it too. The tsundere seems to be a common archetype. Defensively hiding one’s sweet nature with aggression.”

Alix couldn’t even focus on what he was saying. The thought of Markov watching anime was just too ridiculous for her to wrap her head around. A robot, who watched anime. It was just bizarre!

“C’mere, you lil weeaboo.” She finally managed to grab him and pulled him into a cuddle. “You… you… yandere.”

“That is a highly inaccurate term when applied to me. Do you even know what that means?”

“No. Yes. It means you kill people.”

“Well, sort of.” He wriggled out of her grasp and landed on the ground just beside her sceptre – she didn’t even remember having put it on the ground. “I doubt you’ll remember much of this in the morning. May I see Pharaoh Rania again?”

“Hololologram? Whyyyyy?”

“I’m… studying her.”

His voice seemed to have gone all wispy and weird again, though it was hard to tell right now. Was he hiding something? Whatever. Alix flipped open the lid of the sceptre for Markov to have a look at. He went right up close, his dotted eyes growing larger and larger. Seriously, what was he studying? How to make holograms or something?

In any case, Alix was far too dizzy and tired to keep her eyes open much longer. Should she take a nap? Right here, in the hall where the Peace Ball was being held?

Yeah, it was fine. The snake would wake her up if she needed to do anything. Closing her eyes, she let herself doze off.

-

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Over in the Bourgeois Empire, Chloé and Sabrina were standing in the room just behind the royal balcony, waiting for the emperor to show up to give his annual Yuletide speech to the common people. Of course, peering out of the window, it appeared that many of these common people were carrying flaming pitchforks, so perhaps it wasn’t a good idea this year.

Sabrina was shaking slightly. “Chloé, this is just like how it was back home before… you know…”

Before the Raincomprix civil war started. Chloé had been expecting it, really. She had been sitting in on her father’s meetings whenever possible, trying to change things as much as she could, but no one paid any attention to her! She was just some little schoolgirl to all the corrupt advisors running the empire. And it was very, very obvious that the commoners were not going to take this for much longer.

Why did her father need to take so much money from them, anyway? What was he using all that money for? Upgrading those solid gold bathtubs, probably. Sumptuous feasts. Lavish clothes. Things that commoners could never afford, and for no reason other than the fact that he could.

But what about food production? What about infrastructure, education, amenities? All the things Chloé had learnt how to handle at school? It seemed that her father had learnt no such lessons, as he paid no attention to the real issues that needed to be addressed. The common people of this empire were dying! They were starving, discontent, angry! And it was his fault!

If someone else didn’t step in soon, surely Bourgeois would go the same way as Raincomprix did.

“I’m going to go find him,” Chloé muttered, the grumbling from outside getting alarmingly loud. “He ought to have been here 10 minutes ago. You stay here, Sabrina.”

Sabrina nodded. Chloé walked out of the room as quick as her heavy, restrictive skirt would let her.

Her father would be in his office, right? She hurried over there to see that there were no guards around. What was up with that? She knocked on the door.

“Father? Are you in there? The people are waiting for your speech!”

The door opened and her father, wearing a thick coat, quickly pulled her inside and shut it again. “Chloé, good timing! The peasants will not accept my speech this year, you know it. We would be better off going into hiding. I’ve just finished packing all the emergency supplies, and arrangements have been made for us to safely get to Lavillant – I was just about to send someone to fetch you, in fact. Come on. Let’s go.”

He picked up a bag in the corner of the room and opened the bookcase to reveal a hidden passage behind it. Chloé was too shocked to even do anything for a few seconds. He wanted to go into hiding? Now?? Really??!

“What are you waiting for?” the emperor asked, gesturing to the passage. “Time to get going!”

She put her hands on her hips. “I am not going into hiding.”

“Are you worried? Fear not, I’ve been keeping aside plenty of money from the treasury for this very purpose. We will be very well-off. Better than we would be here, in this unsafe empire. It’s falling apart.”

And whose fault was that?

“No!” Chloé snapped, to her father’s surprise. “You don’t understand, do you? The commoners need a leader! That’s what they’ve been wanting this whole time! They need someone to fix the empire, which you broke, by the way.”

“Now, young lady–”

“Don’t you ‘young lady’ me! I would make a much better ruler than you ever did! We were one of the largest, richest empires in the world, and you’ve ruined all that! Made the commoners so unhappy they’re on the brink of revolting and harvesting our heads at the guillotine!”

Her father, eyes wide in shock, put a hand up to his neck. “That’s why we need to leave, now.”

“No, that’s why you need to leave now. I’m staying here.”

He was silent for several seconds, before finally managing to respond. “Chloé, if you stay… you’re just a child, you don’t know how to rule… you’ll die!”

How pathetic – how unbelievably, ridiculously pathetic. No wonder her mother had left him.

“You’re a coward,” she spat. “Running away when the empire needs you most. You know what? I’ll be empress instead. I’ll take full control of the mess you’ve left, I’ll leave school, and I’ll fix this.”

“You can’t be empress! You don’t know what you’re doing!”

“Oh really? Says the man who has cost so many people their lives thanks to his mismanagement! This isn’t just about me. This is about millions of people who need help. And if you’re not going to help them, then I bloody well will. Now hand over your crown.”

He hesitantly took the crown off his head, but did not yet give it to her. “Chloé, please… I implore you… think this through…”

“I have thought it through. I’ve been trying to make a difference for a long time now, and me being empress is the only way anyone will let me. So give me the crown! I order you to!”

She held out her hand. Shaking, he slowly stepped forwards and placed the crown on her outstretched palm.

“Very good.”

She swiped the wig off her head, then put the crown over her natural hair. While it had always looked too small for her father, it was a perfect fit for her.

“Thank you, father. You are no longer emperor, and we have no need for your services. Now get out of here before I throw you to the commoners waiting for you just outside.”

He nodded and ran to the opening of the passage again. Then he paused, turned back, and quickly rushed over to hug his daughter one last time. Chloé tried very hard not to cry. It had been ever so long since her father had last hugged her, and it was a shame that such dire circumstances were the only thing that could drive him to do it.

Then he was gone for good.

Immediately, Chloé sank to her knees, the layers of her dress folding beneath her – oh, she was empress, she was empress. Was this real?

This was such a huge burden she had just put on herself. An empire in shambles, with a court full of schemers, and angry commoners wanting her blood. A situation like this was nigh-unfixable.

But she had to fix it. Someone had to do it, and this was her chance. She had to be strong!

And plus, she was not in this alone. She had Sabrina with her right here. She had her friends at school – oh of course, she would have to leave school. Running an empire was going to be a full-time job from now on, and anyway, there hadn’t been that long left.

There was the International Alliance too…

They hated the Bourgeois Empire. Not as much as they hated Agreste, of course, but they hated it all the same. But now that it needed aid, would they accept an aid request from somewhere so vile? Surely they would? The people here were suffering, and Chloé simply could not do this alone!

There was no time for freaking out over her predicament. The commoners were waiting for a speech. She cleared her throat, smoothed out her dress, then went back to the balcony room.

“Chloé? Is that your dad’s crown? What the–”

“I’ll explain in the speech,” Chloé whispered to Sabrina as she walked past. The guards in the room all stared at her in confusion, but considering she had the crown on her head, they did not do anything else and simply watched as she made her way out onto the balcony, to the surprise of the commoners down below her.

She hadn’t even prepared for this. Of course she knew how to make speeches, but this was one that would surely be important. The difference between saving the empire and dooming it. Could she do it? She at least had to try.

“People of Bourgeois,” she said into the megaphone placed before her, magnifying her voice across the hordes of people below. She tried to ignore the weapons in their hands, or the way the guards were pushing back against the ones at the front. “I know you were expecting a speech from my father. However, he is no longer the emperor. He has fled the palace. I am your leader now.”

There were gasps from all over. Chloé wondered if people were going to start revolting immediately, but for now they waited, wanting to see what kind of empress she would be first.

“I wish to make it clear that I am not usurping. My father knew he was doing a terrible job of ruling the empire. I knew it too. I sat in on countless meetings and tried to make my voice heard. But the emperor’s word is law, and so he has been allowed to take away your money, your food, your safety. All for his own selfish gain. And now he has fled, like the coward he is, and tried to take me with him. I refused. This empire is in shambles and someone needs to fix it, someone who can learn from all the mistakes he made. That someone is me, his daughter: Empress Chloé of Bourgeois.”

There was a silence. No one stirred, no one made any move to do anything. It seemed that the whole crowd was holding its breath. Chloé hands were shaking, so she balled them into fists to steady herself. No one must be allowed to see her terror. She had to show her citizens that she was strong, unlike her father.

“I do not know how quickly I will be able to enact changes in the way the empire is run. Most of the people in my employment were loyal to my father, so they may not agree with the path I am treading. But I promise you I will do everything in my power to do what is right. The most urgent matter at the moment is the shortage of food. My father was hoarding money in the treasury; I will redistribute that money to make sure there is enough food for everyone.”

The commoners were still silent, but many of them were starting to lower their weapons. It gave Chloé the courage she needed to continue. The next thing she wanted to say would be the hardest, but it had to be done.

“I am also temporarily cutting ties with the Agreste Empire, and rescinding the warrant for Imperial Prince Adrien. The funding that has been put into guards searching for him is money that would be better used elsewhere, such as food, infrastructure, or education. While Agreste and Bourgeois were never officially allied, my father took many bribes from them and I need that corrupt influence away from my court.”

Phew, she had said it. The guards and courtiers in the room behind her would be listening, and hopefully getting on with it as she was speaking. The sooner Adrien could safely return to school, the better.

“I will also be sending out aid requests to the International Alliance, as my father has ruined the empire far too much for us to handle alone. There are millions of people who need help, so we require all the assistance we can get. Hopefully this can get the empire back on our feet enough that the quality of life can improve for everyone, and not just the nobility.”

Most of the commoners had put down their weapons now, and many of them were… smiling?

“I will be leaving school from now on to stay here permanently to make my role as empress easier. Within time, once things are more stable, I will open up an elected council system so that citizens from all over the empire can have their voices heard and have a say in making decisions. I hope that you all will be happy with my decisions and support my reign. Well… what do you say?”

She put on a stately smile, leaning over the balcony railing. For a few seconds the commoners were still silent. But then began the chanting.

“Long live Empress Chloé! Long live Empress Chloé!”

They were pumping their fists in the air, jumping up and down, within a short amount of time becoming so loud and cheerful that Chloé could barely even hear herself think. Her smile grew – for now, at least, she had placated the commoners. If they were going to rebel, it was not going to be today. They were going to give her a chance.

Oh, thank goodness! She had done what her father couldn’t. Maybe things were going to turn out okay.

[scripturiends]

gave me no compasses, gave me no signs

Read on ao3

Summary: It was the one time her hunch had been wrong.

In which Han Joonhwi is acting suspicious, and Kang Sol A intends to find out why.

Rating: T

Word count: 3,848

Notes: Title taken from Taylor Swift’s ‘invisible string’: “Time, curious time, gave me no compasses, gave me no signs; were there clues I didn’t see?”

~

As promised, here is the Solhwi fic that I had hoped to be up before Episode 7 airs. I went straight to work after receiving positive feedback from an interest check post. As I mentioned there, the story isn’t necessarily dwelling on the current timeline, but is, for the most part, still canon-compliant. I totally made up all the legal jargon, so please bear with me. And, like the show, I decided to do ‘cutscenes’ instead of one unilinear fic.

I had a lot of fun with this little project for the past two days, so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it :) I’d also love to hear your thoughts, please do send me a message or feel free to comment, it would mean the absolute world to me. Thank you and let’s all look forward to Episodes 7 and 8 this week!

The fic is under the cut. As a sidenote, this fic is un-beta’ed. All mistakes are mine.

~

I.

Kang Sol A swears she only drifted off for a second.

She had been burning the midnight oil for the past few days, well into the weekend, so much that the tension was radiating into her atmosphere, so much that the heat was starting to get to her head. Her Civil Code paper may not write itself, but neither could she if it took every ounce of her energy just to even sit up. So she plopped down on her bed, head heavy on her pillow, still fighting the urge to doze off.

She blinked, slowly, and as her eyes fluttered at an alarming rate, they eventually closed — just for a moment, I’ll count to ten and then wake up again — and stilled.

Birds were chirping outside her window when her eyes shot open, and that’s how she knew she messed up big-time. She woke with a start, frantically shaking off the books and papers off her person and frisking for her phone, silently praying that she wasn’t too late for her meeting with her project partner Seo Jiho, who she knows absolutely despises latecomers.

Sol A felt something vibrate from behind her, and an incomprehensible sound escaped her lips as she checked her phone. There were mountains of notifications that prevented her from checking the current time: self-set alarms, e-mails from her professors, reminders about today’s meeting with Jiho, and missed calls from a certain Han Joonhwi.

Clearing all of them at once, she finally reads: 9:07 AM. She was supposed to meet Jiho at 9:15. Sol A breathes a sigh of relief, but her momentary celebration is cut short when her phone starts to ring.

Han Joonhwi was calling again.

She didn’t even get a chance to speak yet when the voice on the other end asked, “Breakfast?”

Sol A put him on speaker phone as she packed up her things. “Can’t,” she replied mindlessly. “I have to meet with Seo Jiho and I’m already late. Eat by yourself.”

A few seconds of silence went unnoticed as Kang Sol A zipped up her knapsack and wore it over her shoulder. She finally picked up her phone and switched back to the handset. “Don’t skip breakfast, you hear me?”

Still nothing. “Joonhwi-ah.”

“Walk fast,” was all he said. And then he hung up.

That caught Sol A off guard, but she heeded the advice anyway.

She made it to the study room at exactly 9:13, only stopping by the entrance to catch her breath and tie her hair back into a ponytail. It was silent, so she half-hoped that no one would be there, but half-expected nothing less from Jiho. So she walks in, footsteps heavy, only skidding to a halt when she sees Jiho staring someone down, someone whose back looked all-too-familiar.

“You like her, don’t you?” she overhears from Jiho. “Kang So-”

Jiho suddenly fell silent at the sight of Sol A, and the man opposite him suddenly turned his head towards her. She was right about who it was — it was none other than the person she spoke with on the phone just a few minutes ago.

If Joonhwi was surprised, he didn’t show it.

But Kang Sol A did. She blinked once, and with a hint of dubiousness, she asked, “Who likes who?”

The men shared a look, and she was met with silence again, which was beginning to irk her. But she bit her tongue, took a seat across Seo Jiho, and grinned cheekily at him. “Sorry I’m late.”

“You aren’t...” Jiho replied, trailing off.

“I am by your standards. I know you,” she said matter-of-factly. “For Seo Jiho, ‘on time’ actually means ‘thirty minutes early’. Which means I’m late.”

Sighing wistfully, Sol A added, “I learned that the hard way.”

She locks eyes with Joonhwi momentarily, but he averts his gaze, expression unreadable. Sol A ignores this and tries her luck once more, eyes flitting from Jiho to Joonhwi and back. “Who were you guys talking about?”

This time, almost with no hesitation, Joonhwi finally spoke up. “No one,” he answered. “My roommate was just practicing his cross-examination skills on me.”

He stood up, giving Seo Jiho a final staredown. “They’re very poor at the moment. Help him out, will you?”

Then, without looking Kang Sol A in the eye, he gave her a soft squeeze on the shoulder, and promptly left.

Sol A’s eyes followed Joonhwi’s back, and stayed there even after he left. His touch lingered on her shoulder like a ghost, but instead of comfort, all she felt was fear. Suspicion. Restlessness. That maybe he was hiding something, and whether it involved her or not, she was keen on finding out just exactly what it was.

II.

“I’m telling you, Yeseul-ah,” Sol A insists. “Something’s up with him.”

They link arms, walking past the school entrance and into the lobby. Jeon Yeseul turns to her, hair falling perfectly into place as she lets out an angelic laugh. God, Sol A thinks. Even her laugh is perfect. But past the admiration for her Aphrodite-like features, Sol A feels like she’s being mocked.

She pouts. “You don’t believe me.”

“I do!” Yeseul defends. “You think he likes Kang Sol B.”

Sol A slides her left hand off Yeseul’s arm and holds her friend’s right one lightly. “So why are you laughing at me, then?”

“Unnie.” Yeseul wraps an arm around Sol A’s shoulder. “Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe Joonhwi-oppa likes you?”

Sol A almost choked on her spit. Of course she’s thought about it — after all, she’s a hundred percent certain that it was the name Kang Sol that slipped from Seo Jiho’s mouth a few days ago. But none of the evidence so far points to it being herself. And anyway, it’s not as if he’s shown any interest in Sol A as a woman. In fact, all he does is tease her. And she’s okay with that. And Sol B already likes Joonhwi. And they seem to be a far better fit than Sol A and Joonhwi. And it’s not like she harbors any romantic feelings for him, either.

She pushes the thought away before it could become bigger.

Sol A denies, deflects, and defends. “That can’t be right.”

“Why not?” her friend challenges.

“Why would he be avoiding me if that were true?” Sol A counters.

“People do that when they feel awkward around their crush,” Yeseul rebuts.

This is starting to feel like a game of chess rather than a conversation between best friends. “I think he’s just scared I’ll tell my roommate or something.” Before Yeseul could say anything else, by some stroke of luck, Sol A spots Joonhwi from her peripheral vision, walking past Lady Justice.

Yeseul smiles kindly at Sol A. She doesn’t doubt its genuineness, but she feels like it’s laced with mischief. “Should we test your theory, then?”

What does that mean?

“Joonhwi-oppa!” Yeseul shouts, waving at him from across the room.

She’s not going to ask him, is she?

Yeseul runs to Joonhwi, a light skip in her step. “I have something to ask you.”

Wait.

“Wait,” escaped from Sol A’s lips, barely a whisper before it started registering on her what Yeseul was about to do. And when it does, she finally sprints. “Jeon Yeseul, wait!”

“Oppa.” Yeseul bats her eyelashes at Joonhwi. Sol A was in tow behind her, feeling small but unsure why.

“Oh, Yeseul-ah,” Joonhwi greets. His eyes lit up at the sight of his friend and classmate.

While it pained Sol A to just sit back and watch, knowing that Joonhwi had been purposefully avoiding her, she let the scene unfold, trusting that Yeseul knew what she was doing.

“You haven’t been going to the study group sessions lately,” Yeseul starts.

Sol A hoped it would get a rise out of him, seeing as he was the one who started the group to begin with, but was barely showing up these days. Instead, all he said was, “The pair project in Civil Code has been holding me up.”

Yeah, right, she thinks. A second-round judicial exam passer and a former police academy student having a hard time in Civil Code? Why do I find that hard to believe?

Sol A scoffs, and Yeseul pinches her side. “Sol-unnie and I are meeting the others for lunch. You should come join us.”

“Ah,” Joonhwi drawled out slowly, as if coming up with an excuse to say no. Sol A expects it to be his next move. “I wish I could, but-”

Knew it.

“Kang Sol B will be there,” Sol A blurts out, fully aware that it’s a total lie. Still, she had to try.

Something in Joonhwi’s mood changed, and his face hardened. Still not making eye contact with Sol A, he excuses himself from Yeseul. “I’ll take a rain check today, okay?”

And without another word, he left again, leaving Sol A with the same emptiness that she had felt in the study room the other day.

Yeseul finally turns to Sol A, crossing her arms. “You’re right. He’s being weird.”

III.

A few more days without Joonhwi’s company, and Sol A was starting to feel its ill effects on her. She hadn’t realized just how much she took him for granted until he was no longer around to challenge her ideas, to annoy her over the littlest of things, to calm her down when she’s freaking out, to be her drinking buddy, to be someone she could tell any and every stupid story to, with the utmost confidence that he’ll keep it to himself or that he wouldn’t belittle her for it.

They’d been through too much together now, and even their fateful first meeting all those years ago didn’t faze him from her. In fact, her little scheme, no matter how deceitful at the time, brought him closer not just to her, but to Byeol, her mom, and to an extent, even Dan.

So what changed? What on earth did Seo Jiho say to him, and what on earth did she walk into, that made him close himself off from her? Proximity may not breed familiarity, but right now she wishes nothing more than to be in his orbit again.

Arguably the worst consequence of the lack of Joonhwi in Sol A’s life right now is having no one to eat with.

During one of her all-nighters at the dorm, she found herself with an intense craving for some ramyeon. She removed her earphones, partly to pull herself back to reality, but mostly to ask her roommate to have a meal with her. As if Sol B would say yes, but it was worth a shot.

“I’m going downstairs for a bite. You wanna come?”

No response, as expected from Kang Sol B. Sol A inwardly rolled her eyes, spinning in her chair to tease her roommate, only to find the desk empty.

She scratched her head while walking, wondering where Sol B could be at this time of night. And without a heads up, too… She was getting worried.

But it seems like her concern was all for naught, because Sol B was right where Sol A was headed.

And she was there with Han Joonhwi.

She was laughing. It was the first time that she saw Sol B laugh, maybe ever, and to see that Joonhwi could be someone who could do that for her, made Sol A feel proud. Like knowing Han Joonhwi was a privilege, not only because of the way he could make people comfortable around him, but also because Sol A had once been on the receiving end of it herself.

She should be relieved. In fact, she should be happy. Because it means that her guess was right, which means she doesn’t have to keep digging anymore. She could just tell Joonhwi that his secret’s safe with her, and they could finally go back to the way they were before... Right?

And yet something about witnessing the pair interact as a mere bystander didn’t sit right with Sol A. There’s a pang in her chest that she can’t quite comprehend — maybe she just misses him, or maybe it’s something else completely. Because if Han Joonhwi has feelings for Kang Sol B, and they’re together right now, then that leaves only one explanation: he must be avoiding her, and for a completely different reason.

It was the first time her hunch had been wrong.

Needless to say, Sol A lost her appetite and trudged back upstairs lifelessly, a bitter taste in her mouth and an ache in her stomach that she couldn’t quite place where it even came from.

IV.

Come Friday, Sol A was too exhausted to even think about Han Joonhwi. Between the endless deadlines and papers to write, her job in the copy room, and the Seo Byungju case, her energy had been too depleted and her social battery too worn out to even care that her relationships could be falling apart.

The only thing she has going for her now is the Legal Clinic, the one place where she could bury her nose deep in case digests and law readings and she would absolutely never get tired of it, because it’s the one place where she feels like she’s making a real difference, especially when people’s lives are at stake. It was the remaining part of her life where Sol A felt like she was in control, so these days, all her emotionally-charged passion was focused on this one thing.

But of course that had to fall apart too, when Professor Yang asked for her to stay after class.

He cut right to the chase. “I’ll be meeting with my defense lawyer today so I need you to consult with the client in my stead.”

Count on Yangcrates to always give Sol A a heart attack in under two seconds.

“M-me?” she stuttered.

The professor’s face twitched, ever-so-slightly, which Sol A took as a sign to backtrack and confidently proclaim that she’s up to the task. She knows there’s nothing Yang Jonghoon hates more than a quitter.

“Ah, yes, of course,” she accedes, with a little more verve.

He nods once in her direction. “And take Han Joonhwi with you,” he commanded.

She’s doomed. Not that she wasn’t doomed before, but now that Professor Yang had to drag her personal life into this, she was really in shambles.

Sol A clears her throat. “With all due respect, Sir,” she laughs nervously, “don’t you trust me?”

Professor Yang takes a moment to think about it. Sol A wonders if today’s the day she finally gets a definitive answer. But Yangcrates is as sly as ever. “This is your chance to get back at him for the Bad FaMa case. Make him your assistant this time.”

He walks away, leaving Sol A dumbfounded once again, but not before he adds, “Under my orders, of course.”

Sol A’s knees buckled at the thought. Normally, she would find this predicament to be absolutely funny, a chance to bicker with Joonhwi and learn something from him at the same time. But he’s angry at her, and she doesn’t even know why, and even merely approaching him has turned into a problem.

Everything in Sol A’s life right now is a problem. She wonders if it's getting Joonhwi back that would fix everything.

Upon leaving the classroom, she spots him getting a drink from the vending machine. She has to slap herself twice, just to mentally prepare herself, to muster up the courage to approach him again.

“Come on, Sol,” she whispers to herself. “This isn’t hard.”

Shaking off the nerves, she takes a step forward, but in a momentary state of weakness, takes another step back. “So what if he’s mad? That’s his problem. I’ve never given him a reason to be angry. He should suck it up. Not me. Come on. Just do it.”

A step forward.

“Just do it.”

A step back.

“Goddamn it.”

One final step back to boost herself forward, and she’s running towards him, pretending to be as casual as possible. “Han Joonhwi!” she calls out to him.

His eyes widen at the sight of her, knowing he has nowhere to escape.

“Did you get my text? Professor Yang needs our help at the Legal Clinic.” She smiled at him. “Let’s go.”

Joonhwi scratched the back of his head, and Sol A just knows it’s about to be another lame excuse. “I can’t. I’m meeting Sol B for our Civil Code term paper.”

He can’t even look at her, and Sol A wonders just how bad she had hurt Joonhwi for him to feel like this towards her. But that only lasted for a second, when she realized just exactly what he said. Then, her pity turned into irritation, as she accused, “Liar.”

Sol A crossed her arms, and glared at Joonhwi. “Did you forget that I’m her roommate? She went home today.”

V.

Sol A sat across Joonhwi inside the Legal Clinic, her eyes narrowed to slits. A profound silence enveloped the room, interrupted only by a sharp inhale from her.

“You like Kang Sol B, don’t you?”

The only response she got was Han Joonhwi’s signature smirk, playful and taunting, one that said, ‘You don’t know me, and you never will’.

She hated that.

She slammed a hand on the table, and pointed at him accusingly. “Don’t look at me like that. I would have kept your secret if you just asked. Is that why you were avoiding me? Because you think I’d tell her or something?”

The same smile painted on his face, Joonhwi exhaled defeatedly. “Kang Sol A, I thought I taught you to never make any claims with unfounded bases.”

An eyebrow perched up on Sol A’s end. “It’s not unfounded,” she argues.

“Where’s your evidence, then?” he dared her.

Sol A had been waiting for this. She listed everything he had ever done — or refused to do, which was spend time with her, speak to her, or even look at her, which was absolutely the bare minimum — since the incident with Seo Jiho up to this very moment.

He waves his hand dismissingly. “That’s all speculative.”

If his goal was to rile her up, then it’s definitely working. “Then what about what I heard Seo Jiho tell you that one time? And most importantly, you straight up lied to my face.”

“Circumstantial,” he quips. “That would never hold up in court, especially not when the only witness is yourself. How are you going to be both the defense lawyer and the sole witness?”

Han Joonhwi should be at the edge of the precipice here, and yet he has managed to flip the situation over and turn it into an interrogation for Kang Sol A.

Nothing can hide her frustration anymore. “I would never be the lawyer in my own case. Look, it’s still evidence. You asked, and I gave it. Seriously, Han Joonhwi, what’s with you?”

Instead of a direct answer, he points out, “You rely on your emotions too much.”

Almost immediately, she shoots back, “And you rely on the law too much. This isn’t a courtroom. This is a human conversation.”

He purses his lips, unable to say anything, and Kang Sol A continues. “You’re too stubborn.”

“And you’re too nosy.”

“You’ve benefited from it more than once.” Sol A’s patience is getting thinner by the second. “Can’t you just tell me what I did so that I can either apologize for it or call you out for being wrong?”

“You and Sol B are hardly friends. What reason would I have to be afraid?” Amusement gleamed in Joonhwi’s eyes; Sol A was astounded by how he could stay so nonchalant about this. “Think.”

She glared at him, but still ceded. Damn his tenacity. “Fine, I’ll play along.”

She rolled her eyes, and in a blasé manner, started to think out loud. “I overheard Jiho ask you if you liked Kang Sol, and then you started avoiding me. Yeseul asked you to join us for lunch, and when I said Sol B would be there, even though she really wasn’t, you declined. So I thought it was her that you liked. But it doesn’t make sense, because I saw you two hanging out at the cafeteria that one night-”

His arrogant expression changed to one of shock. “You did?”

“-and then you straight up lied to me about your plans. Unless you two are already dating-”

“We’re not,” he interrupts once more. Sol A eyes him with suspicion. “We’re not,” he repeats indignantly.

“-it could only mean that you do like Kang Sol…”

Joonhwi starts slowly nodding, face a little flushed, but somehow urging her on to continue.

“...just not B. You like-”

“Kang Sol A.” Professor Yang enters the room, calling out her name.

She’s sure her professor asked her to do something, but she was unmoved. At this point, she doesn’t think anything could pull her out of her reverie for the rest of the day.

A veil that covered her eyes was lifted, and she had never been so pitiful of the blindfold that Lady Justice wore. The scales Kang Sol A carried, as heavy as the burdens she was facing, balanced with Han Joonhwi holding them up with her. She wanted nothing more than to take his hand right at that moment, to feel the heaviness in its entirety, and thank him for staying anyway.

They don't talk for the rest of the day, but Kang Sol A is unbothered.

Her questioning attitude may have always gotten her in trouble in school, but this was the one time she was glad to be wrong.

Epilogue

Han Joonhwi fell asleep on his desk again.

He normally finishes up all his revisions early, but because of his agitation, the cold table seemed to be more inviting than the bed, where he simply ends up tossing and turning.

Despite the stiff neck it was bound to cause, he’s been doing it for days, only being woken up by his constant 8:30 alarms. This time, however, it was his gracious roommate Seo Jiho who finally interrupted him from his slumber.

Jiho slammed a sealed instant ramyeon pack on Joonhwi’s desk. He groggily looked up at his friend, whose hair was still disheveled, and asked, “What’s this?”

“It’s from Kang Sol A.” Before walking away, he deadpanned, “Do your own bidding next time. I’m not your messenger.”

Joonhwi took the cup ramyeon, spotting the bright yellow sticky note on it, not unlike the ones he’d put on Sol A’s notebook, or occasionally, her forehead. He smiled to himself as he read the message, walking out to heat up some water for breakfast, but not before carefully displaying the note on his bulletin board for the whole world to see.

Han Joonhwi,

For a second-round judicial exam passer, you can be so dense.

I like you back, you idiot.

Now stop sulking and have breakfast with me.

Idiot.

~

Send me your thoughts/fic requests here!

[sonicadvancerevamped]

✨Update Zone: Special Stage!!✨

Alright, I’m finally going to compile all of the information revealed during the Livestream, just in case you can’t watch a 3 and a half hour Stream recording XP

⭐️New Details Info Dump: Start!!⭐


*The main Game Dev (CocoaCat57)’s name is Alex, or Alexander :)

*The game has been in production since early January, and is being made in Multimedia Fusion 2.5, AKA Clickteam Fusion 2.5.




*The Demo is based on the Not So Simple Sonic Worlds engine, whereas all future versions will be based on the Sonic Worlds Delta engine.

*The first Demo has Blaze and Super Sonic programmed into the game, but they aren’t accessible without debug mode. This was done to make moving to the Delta engine easier!





*Most of Blaze’s sprites were either heavily edited or completely hand-made.

*Blaze and Shadow’s Idle Animations are completely original. (All other idle animations are either straight from or somewhat edited from the Advance games.)

*Most of Amy’s sprites are retooled to be more consistent in shading.

*If Sonic Advance Revamped is successful, I’d love to make Sonic Advance 2 Revamped, Sonic Advance 3 Revamped, and even a 2D Sidescroller-Style Sonic Battle Revamped, Sonic Rush Revamped, and Sonic Rush Adventure Revamped! At the moment, though, I’m focussing on Advance 1, of course.

*Every Main Character will have a Super Form that you can play as in any level by getting their respective set of Chaos Emeralds, and Super Forms will have upgraded versions of their normal characters’ abilities. For example, Super Shadow might have his Chaos Control ability in place of normal Shadow’s homing attack!

*This includes Amy and Cream, who have never had official Super Forms.

*Super Tails will have Flickies, and hopefully a red cape, akin to Turbo Tails in the Sonic Comics.

*Blaze, of course, would turn into Burning Blaze, and have access to Sol Emeralds as opposed to Chaos Emeralds.





*There are going to be 3 Special Stage locations in every level in the final game.

*If your computer is laggy, the intro sequence won’t work quite properly. Try restarting your computer if this occurs while you’re playing future Demos!

*The game has a Main Menu (akin to Sonic Advance 3)! It includes Story Mode, Mission Mode, Time Attack, Options, and Tiny Chao Garden as menu selections.

*The faint stars on the Main Menu will turn Gold depending on certain achievements you reach.

*In Mission Mode, you play as Team Chaotix and complete specific tasks, similar to Sonic Heroes. Team Chaotix’s actions in Mission Mode are canon to Sonic Advance Revamped’s overall story.

*Team Chaotix themselves are costume characters! This means that they have the same abilities as the base character, but look like another character. Espio is a costume for Sonic, Charmy is a costume for Tails, and Vector is a costume for Knuckles.

*Shadow also has a costume character who is unlocked by beating the Chaotix Mission Mode, but I’m not willing to reveal who it is yet. (No, it’s not Bubsy. No, it’s not Shadow with the Biolizard’s head.)

*You can switch between costumes right on the Character Select menu simply by hitting the [C] Key!

*The Character Select menu has a “Press Down For More Info” feature, which allows you to read what each character’s Special Abilities are before you pick them, if you’d like!

*There’s also an individual Chaos Emerald counter for each character on the Character Select menu. While the Story Mode unlocks levels for each character no matter who you play as (akin to Sonic Advance 3), you have to get the Chaos Emeralds individually for each character if you want to play as that character’s Super Form.

*Special Stages are going to be completely different! In Sonic Advance Revamped, you have to race against Fang the Sniper in Sonic Rivals-inspired levels to get the Chaos Emeralds :O

*My medication alarm went off in the middle of the stream. :^)

*Blaze’s [X] Move is the Boost ability, but once her Boost Gauge has run out, her [X] Move basically becomes Amy’s old Short Hop, likely to be renamed “Pounce” (because Blaze is a cat), so that she has a sort of fake Boost when the Gauge is empty!

*Amy may have a moveset option that lets her retain her Short Hop ability.

*Cream has two playstyles in Sonic Advance Revamped! Cream’s normal playstyle is essentially the same as Sonic Advance 2, with her Flight and Drop abilities intact. However, if you choose her Alternate playstyle, she’ll instead have a Floating ability, similar to her umbrella in Advance 3, which she can open and close at will by holding and releasing the [Z] Key mid-air. Her Alternate play style will also give her Amy’s Normal Jump and Running Dash so that the player has more incentive to use Cheese to attack! I hope this Alternate moveset ends up being fun, and a bit more unique than her Tails-clone-like normal abilities. You’ll be able to switch between Cream’s playstyles by hitting the [Start] button on the Character Select menu :D

*The ideas for Cream’s Alternate playstyle were suggested by Ray the Gaming Squirrel!

*Rouge will make a cameo appearance in Sonic Advance Revamped, which would place the game right behind Sonic Adventure 2, timeline-wise, so that Rouge has a bit better of an introduction to the series in general.

*Similarly, Metal Sonic will play a key role in Sonic Advance 2 Revamped (whenever I get to that) so that he has a better reason for wanting revenge in Sonic Heroes.

*If possible, there will be a feature where you can play with a partner character, Sonic 2 style, and have that partner character be able to be controlled by a second person. While playing as two characters, if you complete a Special Stage, you get that Chaos Emerald for both characters at the same time, rather than just the first character. This can speed up your Emerald hunting quite a lot!

*Blaze may have her Hovering ability as one of her Trick Moves in Sonic Advance 2 Revamped and onwards.

*Similarly, Sonic may get his Drop Dash ability in the form of his Downward Trick Move in Sonic Advance 2 Revamped and onwards.

*If Dr. Eggman ends up as a playable character, he would have his own unique playstyle, but he would be restricted to his own unique Game Mode.

*Silver is not going to be in Sonic Advance Revamped. He will likely end up as a costume character for Cream in Sonic Rush Revamped, when I get to that game.





*Classic Sonic, and other Classic versions of characters, will not be in any of these Revamped games. Same with Boom versions of characters.

*The Tiny Chao Garden will not be able to connect to the GameCube. Keep in mind, this is an original game, not a mod of Sonic Advance for the GBA. :(

*If Voice Clips end up in the game, they’d be optional, and turned off by default.

*I might try and submit the Second Demo to SAGE.

*As soon as the game is complete and released to the public, I’ll make and release spritesheets for each character.

*Modding for the game, however, is very unlikely, mainly due to the fact that I’m working with an open-source engine to begin with, and it’d involve publicly publishing the game’s files.

*The final game’s credits sequence will include every person who contributed to the game, especially sprite-wise.

*I may do more Livestreams in the future, be it on Megapi Central’s channel or on my Sonic Revamped channel, and they’d likely be closer to 1 hour long. :)

⭐️New Details Info Dump: Finish!!⭐

Thank you for reading all of this brand-new information on Sonic Advance Revamped, and possible future titles, too!! I hope you are even more excited and curious about the game’s development. Definitely try to tune in to future Livestreams for the full experience!

Either way, thank you so much for your continued support!!

[ruffsficstuffplace]

The Keeper of the Grove (Part 40)

“That was amazing!” Weiss cried as they teleported back into the Core and their usual clothes. “I haven't had so much fun in years!” she said, all that giddiness getting so much she has to jump around in place like a little kid on a sugar high.

And just like a little kid on a sugar high, she really can't care that everyone's watching.

Blake smirked. <What happened to 'just this once'?> she asked.

“I changed my mind,” Weiss said as she slowed down some. “I can do that, can't I?”

“So does this mean you're going to be our Sapphire Ranger permanently…?” Ruby asked.

Weiss stopped then nodded. “Yes.”

Beat. (Which, for those of you that don't know it, is the time it takes to breath once.)

“YAY!” Ruby cried, before she charged Weiss and jumped right into her arms.

“GAH!” Weiss yelled as became the newest victim to the Flying Fawn Tackle, one of Ruby's favourite forms of affection/hand-to-hand combat moves.

(Fun Fact: Baby Reindeer are actually called “Calves,” but “Flying Calf Tackle” doesn't sound as nice.)

Yang laughed as the two hit the floor. “Cool it, lovebirds! I get Ruby's pretty horny, but we're still in the Core.”

“Though I've become accustomed to all manner of depravity, eccentricities, and unusual displays and acts throughout my thousand or so years of life… yes, I would prefer it if you two don't--” Eluna made a sexy animal noise “--in the Core, I kind of live here...”

“Okay first of all: RUBY, GET OFF ME THEN HELP ME UP!” Weiss yelled.

Ruby did.

“Thank you. And second of all: WE'RE NOT EVEN GIRLFRIENDS, STOP THINKING THAT WE'RE GOING TO--” Weiss stopped.

Ruby made a sexy animal noise, with a little “?” at the end that you could hear.

Weiss turned red. “Yes, that.”

“We really aren't girlfriends, guys,” Ruby said.

And since Ruby's pretty much incapable of being anything other than completely honest, you know you can believe her.

“But just in case you or anyone else change their minds at a later date: romantic relationships between Rangers certainly isn't encouraged, but not illegal, either,” Eluna said. “Stronger than friendship Romantic Love may be, but it carries a lot more baggage, and I'd rather Avalon not be screwed over by a lover's spat.”

She narrowed her eyes. “And seriously: no fucking in the Core.”

Yang shook her head. “Ellie, you realize that's just making it all the more tempting, right?”

“You do that, and I'll show you what it's like to be on the receiving end of a Starlight Spear,” Eluna snapped. “But back to more important matters: I'll be here monitoring activity, you girls get some rest or just wind down, seeing as I'm the immortal deity and you guys aren't.”

She turned around to the giant-ass rune in the center. “Breaking character for a moment: there's about two and a half hours of real time left for your honey dream before you need another dose, and you can only stretch your mind's perception of time so far before it starts to become dangerous.”

“Oh, wow, how long have we been here?” Weiss asked.

“Probably about little over a half-hour real-time, including all the freezes to explain stuff to you,” Ruby said. “Yang being persona non grata aside, we can fit a lot more catching up in a honey dream than anywhere else.”

“And speaking of catching up: it's been fun kicking ass, yelling cool catchphrases, and doing silly poses with you guys, but I think I'd like to do some of that with Rubes over here,” Yang said, throwing her arm around her shoulders. “You mind if Qrow gives us his review now?”

“Just one more thing before he does,” Weiss asked. “Why do my, Ruby, and Penny's outfits have skirts, if they're we're all wearing full-body suits?”

“Because combat skirts look cool!” Ruby said, smiling.

Weiss nodded. “Okay, that I'll agree with. But why do mine specifically have 'stockings' that are of a different colour…?”

Ruby kept on smiling. “Oh, you know: no particular reason! Hit it, Golem Qrow!”

Qrow's Closer:

In Ten Words Or Less: “Good first try, still messier than it needed to be.”

Commands:

Perform 3/3 Team Acrobatics With Weiss

Perform 3/3 Team Attacks With Weiss

Defeat the Captain with a Finishing Move

Don't get hit by the Sticky Bombs

Rating: Fury Blockbuster

“Oh COME ON!” Yang said. “That should of at least been a 'Holo of the Year!'”

Be happy I felt generous for princess over here and didn't downgrade this to “Top Ten in HV-on-Demand.” Practice some more, try not to get blown up or fly off in decidedly un-badass ways so much, and by the end of this season, you guys will be a team of grade-A, certified BAMFs.

You've got the chemistry, that's for sure, but the skill isn't there just yet.

Taking you guys back to the Lobby in 3… 2… 1…

Weiss found herself back in the white expanse with the others.

“Am I forced to stay here, or can I 'disconnect'?” she asked.

Yang shrugged. “Your choice, princess! So long as you don't try to learn anything the Council hasn't cleared you for, you're free to do anything you want. Before you do anything spicy, though, just know that Miko's legally obliged to review all the footage from this particular dreamcatcher and tell the Chroniclers about it.

“Well, we're off! Lotta shit to talk about, the Bastion isn't the only place that's been busy...”

Ruby waved. “See you guys back in the real world!”

The two of them faded away.

Weiss turned to the others. “Any ideas on what I can do now?”

“Though this dreamcatcher is open for modification, the creation of a new dream might consume a lot of your time, and be more stressful than relaxing,” Penny explained.

“So are there any other preloaded scenarios?”

Blake shifted about nervously. <Well, there is the one I use after Rune Rangers...>

“Then let's do that!” Weiss said.

Blake frowned. <Promise you won't laugh or make fun of me?>

Weiss smiled. “I promise.”

The world around them shifted. Now, Weiss found herself standing in the streets of an urban metropolis, not the gleaming metal and glass of Candela, but much older buildings made of brick and mortar, with architectural styles that had long been phased out, or survived only by the grace of enthusiasts of “Old World” designs.

Her clothes had changed into a white trench coat, with matching thigh high boots, and a beret over her head—all for the better, as her Fae dress would have been woefully unfit for the gloomy, foggy, and overall miserable weather that night.

Weiss looked up, saw just one moon up in that black sky. She craned her neck across the skyline, saw a tall, iconic building from her Old World History classes: the Empire State. She turned back to Blake, now dressed in a white shirt, black pants, and leather boots with metal buckles on the straps.

She eyed the faces of the pedestrians streaming all about them, walking with purpose, ignoring everyone around them or interacting solely with their in-groups. It was a mix of everything you could have found in the Sol System way back when, except for the particularly pale types who had hints of sharp fangs peeking past their lips, or looked a lot deader inside than usual.

Weiss turned back to Blake. “Are we in The Midnight Society?”

Blake looked away sheepishly. <Yeah, I know it's really old, and cheesy, and-->

She stopped as Weiss grabbed her hands, a look of pure joy on her face. “I thought I was the only one...” she whispered, eyes sparkling. “Can be a Maharani?”

Blake blinked. <Only if you aren't magically able to control EVERYONE with your Dominate, including the First Ones. I used to let Yang be one, now she's permanently a Tyrtaeus.>

“Oh, believe me, I will practice MUCH more restraint and class than she ever could, as befitting a member of Royalty!” Weiss said, turning her nose up in the most snobbish way possible.

Blake chuckled. <Maharani it is.>

Weiss squealed with delight as she felt power surge into her, sharp fangs sprout from her teeth, her already pale skin become a beautiful if unnerving shade of porcelain white. “Oh, this is perfect...” she purred.

“Shall we go find some politicians, supermodels, and other people of noble birth and high status for you to feed on, mistress~?” Penny asked as she came up, looking not unlike a regular human if not for the intentionally dead, hollow look in her eyes.

“Let's!” Weiss hummed. “Oh, wait: what bloodline are you Blake? No, let me guess: Grendulus?”

Blake scowled. <Oh, just because I'm a Fae, you automatically assume I'm going to want to be the animal-shifter vampires? That's racist, Weiss.>

Weiss winced. “Sorry.”

With much less bite, Blake continued, <… I mean, you're not WRONG, but that's still racist!>

Weiss smiled. “Shall I apologize by finding something to satisfy your hunger first?”

Blake nodded. <That'd be great. By the way, you can't use your runeblade because you're the wrong bloodline.>

“I know, which is why I'd like a gun this time.”

Penny handed her a .357 Magnum, chromed metal and pearl grips.

“Thank you,” Weiss said as she put it inside a discrete inner pocket of her coat.

<Don't want to get blood all over yourself?> Blake asked.

Weiss put on a look of mock disgust. “Do you know how much all of these cost?”

They paused for a moment, before they started giggling.

The rest of the pedestrians continued to ignore them as they made their way to the nicer parts of downtown.

[beatconductor-blog]

01/09/2017

catboii >You're gonna sneak into B.C's place without replying since your head hurts too much to look at your phone. He said he wasn't busy but not that he was around just yet. If he's not then you'll send him a message.

beatconductor > You weren't quite there and waiting since you weren't sure if he'd take you up on the offer, but you are on the way, just in case. All while apparently negotiating to be a mob heir's pet which may be one of those things where you're absolutely convinced it's a joke until you're too deep in. Anyway, time to look for Sol.

catboii >Youre curled up on the sofa where you were last time anyway. You attempt to send him a message. Get a pain in your head. Try again. Get distracted by reading someone's vent. You decide to give it another few minutes while waiting for the pain to die down a little. You press the heel of your hand into your eye socket and curl up again. Your ear is probably still bleeding you're gonna get blood on him you're so attractive.

beatconductor > You peek into the lounging room just shortly to see if he's already there and indeed there he is.  He doesn't look too well but you've read as much.  But something looks off...  You also spot suspicious amounts of piss I mean gold colored spots. "Hey what's up." That's a very nonchalant way to say hi to someone that looks like dying. Wait is he...  "Are you dying?" 01/09/2017

catboii Your remaining ear flicks when you hear him, and you lift your head. One of your eyes is closed because of the migraine but you're not actually that bad. Mostly you're just dramatic. "If I was I would've just put myself out of my misery. Do I look that bad?" He probably won't be able to see your ear situ until he's closer since your hair and everything is black. But there's still a little blood on your face. 01/09/2017

beatconductor Well, you are nearer now and notice that there really was something missing. And considering the other ear was still there and the blood on his face... he didn't just lose the furry magic. "Even worse man. Did you fall in a shredder or fight an actual dinosaur." You know he has self-destructive tendencies. You also know he was stopping by someone else's house before and that he went outside and saw -people-. All things considered, you decide that you're not going to inquire unless he wants to share. "Do you plan on bleeding out or do you need help with that." You're not even sure how fresh that wound is anymore, but he wrote about bandages.. That makes a little more sense now.

catboii >"Dinosaur enough. 'Nbd'." You kinda needed to go out and evaluate things after seeing Kain, but there weren't actually any people around there. Just that random planet you told Aria you'd go to instead of doing dumb things. It's empty and quiet and it's turning into your own not-so-little private sanctuary. You pat at your missing aural apparatus and then recoil because that was a bad idea. You're so terrible at looking after yourself, go you. "I'm not allowed to bleed out. But I mean it'll be fine soon. Probably." Taking a look at your hand, you wipe your blood on your top and close your eyes and huddle back up on yourself. "I'll try not to get blood everywhere... Mmm-" you mumble as you hold your arms out to him like a needy baby. 01/09/2017

beatconductor Man, he's a mess, but you already knew that since you first talked with him. It also makes you just a little bit proud that he took up on your offer and came to you in such a state. Damn, how can you deny such a request, look at him. You take off suit and tie, before flopping down next to him. It's enough if only the shirt gets a little bloody, that's easier to replace. "Want me to take a look at it. I'm not a Doc but I know my way around patching up stuff. Learned how to stitch wounds when I was like ten."

catboii >You make a face while you attempt to bury your face in him. Counterproductive central up in here. Although Aria did tell you that you should try accepting people's help when they offer it. Maybe you should just give it a try, could be fun. You groan and attempt to look at him. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I might get off on it." You're trying to keep it light and jokey, but pain. You still try and smile at him cutely anyway. "I'm kidding. Probably." 01/09/2017

beatconductor "Feel free to as long as you keep still long enough till I'm done. I'm kidding. Probably." You push his head a little so you can get a better look at the ear - or lack thereof, to see what you actually need. Fur and hair would make butterfly bandages difficult. Stitches? Or just good old gauze? Oh, and disinfectant, prooobably. You give him a friendly ruffle through his hair (the side with the healthy ear) and wind yourself out of his snuggle to get up to fetch some first aid stuff. "That's gotta hurt. Want anything some painkillers, aspirin, morphine, weed?" You have it all and then some, but hey, lets stick to the actually practical stuff. 01/10/2017

catboii >"Uhuh. I don't think I can stay still and make sure you're done at the same time." It was either that or you were gonna make a joke about something gory. Honestly he shouldn't give you the material and not expect it. You have a dirty mind like a stereotypical human teenager from a TV show in the 90s.

You're pretty sure saying something like 'I deserve the pain it's my own fault' would either make him ask questions, or else it would still just make things a little awkward. Good job you're not gonna say that and instead you're gonna just grumble. Although the migraine isn't your fault and it might be nice if it wasn't quite so bad. You almost wanna make another joke. Isn't sex supposed to be a good painkiller? You need to stop that. You did warn him you were in a mood though and unless he straight up tells you to back off then you're gonna keep pushing. "Mmmaybe something I dunno. Definitely need a prescription for kisses though if I can get that filled out here." 01/10/2017

beatconductor > You'd be disappointed if he didn't make use of any chance to make an inappropriate joke. "You can get some if you behave." You're only half joking. He can have kisses if he wants to, alright. Hell, if you were in a different mood, you'd totally take him up on the painkiller sex thing too.

You make a kissy motion at him, the wink sadly lost behind shades, then slip out of the room and return not much later with a box that was definitely not a properly maintained first aid kit but fuck the law, you know.

You return to the seat next to him, hand him a glass of water and painkiller tablet, then dig through the box for stuff you'll need. "Alright bend over and with that I mean your head." 01/10/2017

catboii >Hell yeah smooches. You're totally down for getting any kind of attention off him, you're so needy. It's not even lowkey but you're not ashamed. You own it.

You attempt a little appreciative purring sound when he hands you the things and you lick the tablet to test how bad it tastes. Then place it between your teeth, take a swig of water and swallow it all. You take a second to comply but then you hand him the glass to put somewhere since you can't use your psionics like this. You're actually a big baby. "You want be to lay across your lap or something. That's not me tryna cuddle up to you for once but that's an added bonus 'lol'." 01/10/2017

beatconductor "Yeah right if you say so sounds totally legit. Well move over." Here's the lap, catboy. You lift the box up so he can get comfortable however he likes.

catboii You know you should get in some position where he can get to your ouchie, so you evaluate for a second. Then decide to lay kind of on your front, so your chest is over his legs, but you turn your head mostly toward him, resting your cheek on your arms at his side. Comfortable. "I could make it really awkward for you instead but you can't  deny you want me to cuddle up to you sooo. .." You shrug. "Win-win." 01/10/2017

beatconductor "I can deny all I want and you can't stop me." You don't though. Instead you focus on his ear, handling it surprisingly careful and mindful, starting out with desinfectant and local anesthetic. Years of having to treat your own wounds have tought you to at least be thorough in this regard. An infected wound isn't fun for anyone. 01/11/2017

catboii >Despite how much you brag about dying alot, it's not actually fun at all. You get some weird mental disconnection for a while when you get a new body. That can be great for passive self destructive reasons but you're really not feeling that lately, so you do actually tend to try and stay in the same body for as long as you can. Unless something comes up like an angel offers you a fight to the death or a demon offers to vore you. You know, the usual. But because of that, you weren't about to hit refresh over something as insignificant as losing some cartiilage. Even if you're 20% less cute now. So his help is appreciated. You would've left it as is and got it messed up if you were left alone.

You shut your eyes and try to think about something else as he does whatever he's doing. You can't help but try to watch though so that doesn't really work out well. You're just very nosey but also like learning things. You've seen plenty of torture techniques, but putting people back together? Not that you remember. Also though you like watching people concentrating on things. Once they're totally immersed in something it's like the Real Them is showing through. You just keep quiet and try not to flinch too much. 01/11/2017

beatconductor Well lucky him. Thinking about something else shouldn't be hard, because you ramble. A lot.

In fact, you have even less of a filter now while focusing on more important things, so you go on how you had to patch up worse after sparring with your Bro as a because surprise swords are not recommended for the hands of a child/teenager and eventually drift off to how he made you help sew stupid dolls and how you could practically sew your own clothes if you cared enough but it's simply easier to buy some because why else would you run around all day selling risky stuff to people that could easily kill you at the drop of a hat.

Hey, you're helping him so he can at least listen and pay attention to you, right? Before you even know, the procedure is done. You make sure all the bandage stuff is sitting snug then give him a nice slapmon the ass because -come on- look ag how he's lying there, how could you ever resist.

"Well now you know where to go if you decide to get rid of the other ear too.“ 01/12/2017

catboii >He is so good. You actually love listening to stories so you won't even make any comments that might make him think twice about just babbling on. It's kinda cute honestly. You could listen to him for hours. You even purr a teeny little bit, one of those attempts at comforting yourself through everything, which works out between that and listening to him. The only thing you're feeling is some weird uncertainty on what he's doing. But that's easy to ignore because you trust him, it's just one of those instincts you guess.

You fake pout at him and swish your tail at him, but then your expression changes. "So if I do it on purpose..." You move as if you were gonna roll off his lap, but just glance around the room. "You got a knife?" Are you kidding? Yes. But if he dared you to do it, would you? Of course. You're an idiot. You're gonna roll back onto his lap properly and kinda snuggle though. You've been in the same position for a bit and now it's comfy. 01/13/2017

beatconductor ((Whoops late, sry)) You raise an eyebrow and smirk, not quite sure how much joking he was. Wouldn't surprise you if he actually meant it. "Sorry no knives only swords." As much as you're curious about his whole respawn deal, you're not all that desperate to watch him mutilate himself. Seems like he's quite comfy there though, and so are you. You stow away the rest of the bandage stuff you don't need anymore and shove the box aside, then reach over to pet and nudge the remaining ear. "I thought you liked them. Changed your mind?" Last Saturday at 1:15 AM

catboii ((pf no worries take ur time peace sign emoji)) >You wouldn't wanna make a mess at his place anyway. Not without his permission at least. You mime holding up a sword to your head, having to wiggle a bit so you can get your arms in the right places. You do a great job of making it look awkward as all fuck. "Hmm. Maybe not right now. I'll keep it in mind though. And thanks." You're surprised you even remembered to thank him at this point.

You settle back onto his lap, you're all cozy and no pain but your brain chemicals are doing things since you've been tampered with, so your mental filter has dropped another few notches. Your ear flicks. "Mhmm I do. My boss doesn't like them though he says I look ridiculous. I'm precious though, right?" You look at him all kitten eyes and cute pouting, your remaining ear flattening. Last Saturday at 3:06 AM

beatconductor "Your boss?" Did he cut it off on his boss' orders? Dave couldn't even blame him. The things he did for people... "Damn way too precious, I'm pretty sure that's gotta be illegal in at least five universes. Shit man I'm so fucked, I'll never be able to look at the doombee again and take him serious and not imagine cat ears on him." You can't help but snort at the mere thought. Last Saturday at 12:45 PM

catboii >He's only your boss on a technicality, but you still call him that. Gotta have some kind of structure in your life, else what are you even doing. You yawn and roll onto your back, making weak grabby hands at him. So small. So precious. "I'm pretty sure you promised me smooches." You do a cute smiley blep at him. Cute+5 stats added. Last Saturday at 5:58 PM

beatconductor Nooo not the blep. The urge to pull the tongue is rising again. "Did I really gee I forgot. Nah joke I know I did alright. You wanna cash that in?" You lean down a little to get into his reach, trying really hard to not make it awkward. Unfortunately, his skin betrayed even the smallest blush. Damnit, this kinda stuff was way easier when drunk or high. Last Sunday at 12:54 AM

catboii >You make a cute smiley face at him again; sans blep this time. How could anyone resist you? "Uhuh. I love smooches." Are you gonna have to go to him to get kisses, because you would, but you feel like making him come to you. Somehow. You're not phased by any casual kinds of affection, it's all the same to you, so you don't get when people are shy about it or whatever. You reach up to grab around his neck and make a faked pathetic attempt at pulling yourself up to him, groaning and pouting at him. Last Monday at 3:50 AM

beatconductor His pseudo attempt was actually adorable and you lean down a little more, then falter and bow into a snort and cackle into his chest. He wasn't a stranger to kissing, well, strangers for whatever reason, but something about the way Sol went at it made it especially endearing and amusing. After a few seconds you manage to catch yourself and give him a peck on his stupid mouth. "How many do I even owe you?" Last Tuesday at 12:09 PM

catboii >Yes good finally. You purr and tighten your grip around his neck so you're kind of snuggling him from afar. "I'm pretty sure over a hundred by now? And for every five seconds you're not kissing me you owe me one more." You smile up at him and rub at the back oh his neck with your thumb. Yesterday at 10:25 PM

beatconductor "Oh shit that's a lot. You know humans are weak as fuck I'll die if you want those all now" You still lean down and give him another three quick kisses over his dumb cheeky face. Trying to match his level of casual affection isn't easy, but there was an attempt. ((Totally forgot that it's my turn here whoops.... we could also wrap this up and make room for something new or ic im's anytime!))

catboii ((we could do lmao, lit would just be snuggling him n like sounting how many smooches he got then probably like fall asleep on him tbh, what a baby))

beatconductor ((oh noooo Dave in the first two minutes: aw Dave later probably: shit i gotta pee how do i get up))

[lesbianrewrites]

The Martian Chapter 4

*disclaimer* This is a project done for fun, and none of these characters/works belong to me. I do not claim to own any of the material on this page.

This is a Lesbian edit of The Martian by Andy Weir.

Chapters will be posted every day at 2pm EST.

Google doc version can be found here. The chapter can also be found under the cut. Enjoy!

CHAPTER IV

LOG ENTRY: SOL 32

So I ran in to a bunch of problems with my water plan.

My idea is to make 600L of water (limited by the hydrogen I can get from the Hydrazine). That means I’ll need 300L of liquid O2.

I can create the O2 easily enough. It takes 20 hours for the MAV fuel plant to fill its 10L tank with CO2. The Oxygenator can turn it in to O2, then the Atmospheric Regulator will see the O2 content in the Hab is high, and pull it out of the air, storing it in the main O2 tanks. They’d fill up, so I’d have to transfer O2 over to the rovers’ tanks and even space suit tanks as necessary.

But I can’t create it very quickly. At 1/2L of CO2 per hour, it will take 25 days to make the oxygen I need. That’s longer than I’d like.

Also, there’s the problem of storing the hydrogen. The air tanks of the Hab, the rovers, and all the space suits add up to exactly 374L of storage. To hold all the materials for water, I would need a whopping 900L of storage.

I considered using one of the rovers as a “tank”. It would certainly be big enough, but it just isn’t designed to hold in that much pressure. It’s made to hold (you guessed it) one atmosphere. I need vessels that can hold 50 times that much. I’m sure a rover would burst.

The best way to store the ingredients of water is to make them be water. So what’s what I’ll have to do.

The concept is simple, but the execution will be incredibly dangerous.

Every 20 hours, I’ll have 10L of CO2 thanks to the MAV fuel plant. I’ll vent it in to the Hab via the highly scientific method of detaching the tank from the MAV landing struts, bringing it in to the Hab, then opening the valve until it’s empty.

The Oxygenator will turn it in to oxygen in its own time.

Then, I’ll release Hydrazine, VERY SLOWLY, over the iridium catalyst, to turn it in to N2 and H2. I’ll direct the hydrogen to a small area and burn it.

As you can see, this plan provides many opportunities for me to die in a fiery explosion.

Firstly, Hydrazine is some serious death. If I make any mistakes, there’ll be nothing left but the “Maia Watney Memorial Crater” where the Hab once stood.

Presuming I don’t fuck up with the Hydrazine, there’s still the matter of burning hydrogen. I’m going to be setting a fire. In the Hab. On purpose.

If you asked every engineer at NASA what the worst scenario for the Hab was, they’d all answer “fire.” If you asked them what the result would be, they’d answer “death by fire.”

But if I can pull it off, I’ll be making water continuously, with no need to store hydrogen or oxygen. It’ll be mixed in to the atmosphere as humidity, but the Water Reclaimer will pull it out.

‘I don’t even have to perfectly match the Hydrazine end of it with the fuel plant CO2 part. There’s plenty of oxygen in the Hab, and plenty more in reserve. I just need to make sure not to make so much water I run myself out of O2.

I hooked up the MAV fuel plant to the Hab’s power supply. Fortunately they both use the same voltage. It’s chugging away, collecting CO2 for me.

Half-ration for dinner. All I accomplished today was thinking up a plan that’ll kill me, and that doesn’t take much energy.

I’m going to finish off the last of “Three’s Company” tonight. Frankly, I like Mr. Furley more than the Ropers.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 33

This may be my last entry.

I’ve known since Sol 6 there was a good chance I’d die here. But I figured it would be when I ran out of food. I didn’t think it would be this early.

I’m about the fire up the Hydrazine.

Our mission was designed knowing that anything might need maintenance, so I have plenty of tools. Even in a space-suit, I was able to pry the access panels off the MDV and get at the six Hydrazine tanks. I set them in the shadow of a rover to keep them from heating up too much. There’s more shade and a cooler temperature near the Hab, but fuck that. If they’re going to blow up, they can blow up a rover, not my house.

Then I pried out the reaction chamber. It took some work and I cracked the damn thing in half, but I got it out. Lucky for me I don’t need a proper fuel reaction. In fact, I really, super-duper don’t want a proper fuel reaction.

I brought all the Hydrazine and reaction chamber in. I briefly considered only having one tank in at a time to reduce risk. But some back-of-the-napkin math told me even one tank was enough to blow the whole Hab up, so why not bring them all in?

The tanks have manual vent valves. I’m not 100% sure what they’re for. Certainly we were never expected to use them. I think they’re there to release pressure during the many quality checks done during construction and before fueling. Whatever the reason, I have valves to work with. All it takes is a wrench.

I liberated a spare water hose from the Water Reclaimer. With some thread torn out of a uniform (Sorry, Johanssen), I attached it to the valve output. Hydrazine is a liquid, so all I have to do is lead it to the reaction chamber (more of a “reaction bowl” now).

Meanwhile, the MAV fuel plant is still working. I’ve already brought in one tank of CO2, vented it, and returned it for refilling.

So there are no more excuses. It’s time to start making water.

If you find the charred remains of the Hab, it means I did something wrong. I’m copying this log over to both rovers so it’s more likely it’ll survive.

Here goes nothin’

LOG ENTRY: SOL 33 (2)

Well, I didn’t die.

First thing I did was put on the inner lining of my EVA suit. Not the bulky suit itself, just the inner clothing I wear under it, including the gloves and booties. Then I got an oxygen mask from the medical supplies and some lab goggles from Vogel's chem kit. Almost all of my body was now protected and I would be breathing canned air.

Why? Because Hydrazine is very toxic. If I breathe too much of it I'll get major lung problems. If I get it on my skin, I'll have chemical burns for the rest of my life. I wasn't taking any chances.

I turned the valve until a trickle of Hydrazine came out. I let one drop fall in to the iridium bowl.

It un-dramatically sizzled and disappeared.

But hey, that’s what I wanted. I just freed up hydrogen and nitrogen. Yay!

One thing I have in abundance here is bags. They’re not much different than kitchen trash bags, though I’m sure they cost $50,000 because NASA.

In addition to being our commander, Lewis was also the geologist. She was going to collect rock and soil samples from all over the operational area (10 km radius). Weight limits restricted how much she could actually bring back, so she was going to collect first, then sort out the most interesting 50kg to take home. The bags are to store and tag the samples. Some are smaller than a Ziploc, while others are as big as a Hefty lawn and leaf bag.

Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can’t improve on duct tape.

I cut up a few Hefty sized bags and taped them together to make a sort of tent. Really it was more of a super-sized bag. I was able to cover the whole table where my Hydrazine mad scientist set-up was. I put a few knickknacks on the table to keep the plastic out of the iridium bowl. Thankfully, the bags are clear, so I can still see what’s going on.

Next, I sacrificed a spacesuit to the cause. I needed an air hose. I have a surplus of space suits, after all. A total of seven; one for each crewmember and one spare. So I don’t mind murdering one of them.

I cut a hole in the top of the plastic and duct taped the hose in place. Nice seal, I think.

With some more string from Johannsen’s clothing, I hung the other end of the hose from the top of the Hab's dome by two angled threads (to keep them well clear of the hose opening). Now I had a little chimney. The hose was about 1cm wide. Hopefully a good aperture.

The hydrogen will be hot after the reaction, and it'll want to go up. So I’ll let it go up the chimney, then burn it as it comes out.

Then I had to invent fire.

NASA put a lot of effort in to making sure nothing here can burn. Everything is made of metal or flame retardant plastic and the uniforms are synthetic. I needed something that could hold a flame, some kind of pilot light. I don't have the skills to keep enough H2 flowing to feed a flame without killing myself. Too narrow a margin there.

After a search of everyone’s personal items (hey, if they wanted privacy, they shouldn’t have abandoned me on Mars with their stuff) I found my answer.

Martinez is a devout catholic. I knew that. What I didn’t know was he brought along a small wooden cross. I’m sure NASA gave him shit about it, but I also know Martinez is one stubborn son-of-a-bitch.

I chipped his sacred religious item into long splinters using a pair of pliers and a screwdriver. I figure if there’s a God, they won’t mind, considering the situation I’m in.

Ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Mars Vampires. I’ll have to risk it.

There were plenty of wires and batteries around to make a spark. But you can’t just ignite wood with a small electric spark. So I collected ribbons of bark from local palm trees, then got a couple of sticks and rubbed them together to create enough friction to…

No not really. I vented pure oxygen at the stick and gave it a spark. Fucker lit up like a match.

With my mini-torch in hand, I started a slow Hydrazine flow. It sizzled on the iridium and disappeared. Soon I had short bursts of flame sputtering from the chimney.

The main thing I had watch was the temperature. Hydrazine breaking down is extremely exothermic. So I’d do it a bit at a time, constantly watching the readout of a thermocouple I’d attached to the iridium chamber.

Point is, the process worked!

Each Hydrazine tank holds a little over 50L, which would be enough to make 100L of water. I’m limited by my oxygen production, but I’m all excited now, so I'm willing to use half my reserves. Long story short, I’ll stop when the tank is half-empty, and I’ll have 50L or water at the end!

LOG ENTRY: SOL 34

Well that took a really long time. I’ve been at it all night with the Hydrazine. But I got the job done.

I could have finished faster, but I figured caution’s best when setting fire to rocket fuel in an enclosed space.

Boy is this place a tropical jungle now, I’ll tell ya.

It’s almost 30C in here, and humid as all hell. I just dumped a ton of heat and 50L of water in to the air.

During this process, the poor Hab had to be the mother of a messy toddler. It’s been replacing the oxygen I’ve used, and the Water Reclaimer is trying to get the humidity down to sane levels. Nothing to be done about the heat. There’s actually no air-conditioning in the Hab. Mars is cold. Getting rid of excess heat isn’t something we expected to deal with.

I’ve now grown accustomed to the alarms that are blaring at all times. The fire alarm has finally stopped, now that there’s no more fire. The low oxygen alarm should stop soon. The high humidity alarm will take a little longer. The Water Reclaimer has its work cut out for it today.

For a moment, there yet another alarm. The Water Reclaimer’s main tank was full. Booyah! That’s the kind of problem I want to have!

Remember the spacesuit I vandalized yesterday? I hung it on its rack and carried buckets of water to it from the reclaimer. It can hold an atmosphere of air in. It should be able to handle a few buckets of water.

Man I’m tired. Been up all night and it’s time to sleep. But I’ll drift off to dreamland in the best mood I’ve been in since Sol 6.

Things are finally going my way. In fact, they’re going great! I have a chance to live after all!

LOG ENTRY: SOL 34

I am fucked and I’m gonna die!

Ok, calm down. I’m sure I can get around this.

I’m writing this log to you, dear future Mars archeologist, from Rover 2. You may wonder why I’m not in the Hab right now. Because I fled in terror, that’s why! And I’m not sure what the hell to do next.

I guess I should explain what happened. If this is my last entry, you’ll at least know why.

Over the past few days, I've been happily making water. It’s been going swimmingly. (See what I did there? “swimmingly”)

I even beefed up the MAV fuel plant compressor. It was very technical (I increased the voltage to the pump). So I’m making water even faster now.

After my initial burst of 50L, I decided to settle down and just make it at the rate I get O2. I’m not willing to go below a 25L reserve. So when I dip too low, I stop dicking with Hydrazine until I get the O2 back up to well above 25L.

Important note: When I say I made 50L of water, that was an assumption. I didn’t *reclaim* 50L of water. The additional soil I’d filled the Hab with was extremely dry and greedily sucked up a lot of the humidity. That’s where I want the water to go anyway, so I’m not worried, and I wasn’t surprised when the reclaimer didn’t get anywhere near 50L.

I get 10L of CO2 every 15 hours now that I souped up the pump. I’ve done this process four times. My math tells me that, including my initial 50L burst, I should have 130L of water added to the system.

Well my math is a damn liar!

I’ve gained 70L in the water regulator and the spacesuit-nowwatertank. There’s plenty of condensation on the walls and domed roof, and the soil is certainly absorbing its fair share. But that doesn’t account for 60L of missing water. Something was wrong.

That’s when I noticed the other O2 tank.

The Hab has two reserve O2 tanks. One on each side of the structure, for safety reasons. The Hab can decide which one to use whenever it wants. Turns out it’s been topping off the atmosphere from Tank 1. But when I add O2 to the system (via the Oxygenator), the Hab evenly distributes the gain among the two tanks. Tank 2 has been slowly gaining oxygen.

That’s not a problem, it’s just doing its job. But it does mean I’ve been gaining O2 over time. Which means I’m not consuming it as fast as I thought.

At first, I thought “Yay! More oxygen! Now I can make water faster!” But then a more disturbing thought occurred to me.

Follow my logic: I’m gaining O2. But the amount I’m bringing in from outside is constant. So the only way to “gain” it is to be using less than I thought. But I’ve been doing the Hydrazine reaction with the assumption that I was using all of it.

The only possible explanation is I haven’t been burning all the released hydrogen.

It’s obvious now, in retrospect. But it never occurred to me that some of the hydrogen just wouldn’t burn. It got past the flame, and went on its merry way. Dammit, Jim, I’m a botanist, not a chemist!

Chemistry is messy, so there's unburned Hydrogen in the air. All around me. Mixed in with the oxygen. Just... hanging out. Waiting for a spark so it can blow the fucking Hab up!

Once I figured this out, and composed myself, I got a Ziploc-sized sample bag and waved it around a bit, then sealed it.

Then, a quick EVA to a rover, where we keep the atmospheric analyzers. Nitrogen: 22%. Oxygen: 9%. Hydrogen: 64%.

I’ve been hiding here in the rover ever since.

It’s Hydrogenville in the Hab.

I’m very lucky it hasn’t blown. Even a small static discharge would have led to “Oh the humanity!”

So, I’m here in Rover 2. I can stay for a day or two, tops, before the CO2 filters from the rover and my spacesuit fill up. I have that long to figure out how to deal with this.

The Hab is now a bomb.