#fun fact that was actually the one circumstance i would willingly wake up in the morning as a kid

[watcherglowcloud]

i’ve been turning 90 degrees every few minutes to find a good sleeping position for a few hours. i feel like a rotisserie chicken. or perhaps a hot dog

[vex-iii]

𝟏 - 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄

My masterlist has all of the trigger warnings for this series. Though this current chapter contains none, i recommend checking it for future chapters.

Also, writing might be piss poor, I haven’t written a fic in awhile other than a couple one-shots on now deleted blogs.

𝕄𝔸𝕊𝕋𝔼ℝ𝕃𝕀𝕊𝕋

chapter summary : the sun rises for the first time in years

As i step off of the bus, i feel eyes on me again. The eyes of the other sophomores aren’t so piercing, but it isn’t just my fellow 10 graders, theres juniors and seniors. The whispers begin again, the normal “look- its that sour boy…” from a group of random girls who giggle and walk on. My name isn’t sour boy, it’s Suppai. Suppai Denki. I chose it on my own. Nobody cares about that though, so they call me sour boy. No, not like the candy brand from a famous rich guy, i promise.

I sigh, slipping on my headphones over the copious amount of cloud like hair i possess, and walk in, fixing my bright arm warmers and bracelets. I have math first, sadly. I’ll most likely get dress coded unless a substitute is sent in, or we have a substitute room.

I hate my math teacher.

I hate her— it’s a punishment to sit through her class no matter the circumstances i can feel her stare at the straps of my binder throughout the whole class. It’s not in a liking way, i can tell she hates the fact i’m even around her in my crop shirts and skirts, both cross-dressing and trans.

nothing fun happens this period. We have a substitute today (luckily), and so we’re handed packets on pre-geometry, and we’re told to get up and grab our calculators. Painstakingly, i take off my headphones, then the sound hits my ears like cold air. A shock down my spine, and an urge to flail myself out a window hit at the same time. I know no teacher would willingly listen to my 404, because the shelter had never sent the papers. Unlike the substitutes would listen either.

The next period i have is English. The only reason i don’t particularly dislike it is because the books we read are at least a bit interesting. It’s a basic romance plot, the main couple had an unrequited love until somebody breaks up with the main guy, blah blah. Basic shit.

Then after that, it’s physics. I actually enjoy physics, it’s just the normality of the papers. An icebreaker, in the same structure, each week. It pisses me off— i know it’s school and i like schedules, but i don’t wake up every morning and do the same thing, so I’ve grown bored. The only interesting thing is probably the videos, because those have to be different. Something happened in Physics today. Something defied my own logic of how my brain worked.

It started when the bell rang. Instead of going to class, i was going to skip and let Lif get my papers for me at lunch. I trust her with all that kind of stuff, since we study together anyways. I decided it was too risky to just sit in the stall of the closest bathroom, and i decided i could do a full lap around the school. The guards really didn’t care, especially because some of them even handed out vapes to kids. As i’m walking, i put my headphones on again, switching the music to rob zombie. Images of my characters hit my head almost instantly and i twirl down the hall. Going up the stairs I lip sync, imagining myself almost like a drawing, a drawing of my oc of course. Her name was Spike-Chan, affectionately, and she was born an angel, turned undead on earth because she was bored. Stereotypical looking back at it, but she’s healed now. I make it up to the third floor, and i’m starting to mumble sing the lyrics of the song while inadvertently wiggling like I’m in an edit—

BOOM

I run right into an unknown mass, and right after, i hear some words in a foreign language, along the lines of “CHTO ZA KHERNYA—“ in a whisper yelling tone. My backpack leaves my back and my books fall out since i left it open, and somehow i end up falling forward onto a pair of boots. I’m met with a sound of disgust and confusion while i sit up and the pain begins to burn on my skull. “Ow…Ouch—“ I look up, suddenly making eye contact with the person I ran into.

He was tall— well definitely taller than me, I’m only 4’11. He was looking at me like i was an alien, and honestly i was touched— i wanted to look strange after all. His eyes were a gentle light blue, easy on the eyes but piercing in contrast to the dark eyeshadow completely caked on his eyelids and where his eye bags would be. He wore an off white jacket, casual but the collar would’ve reminded me of a blazer, with a black choker tight on his neck. With that he had bracelets stacked up on his left(?) wrist, and my eyes ended up shifting to his double earrings, matching on both his ears. They were bright silver hence the staring. When i got up, i saw his boots form in my vision above his blue jeans.

but I’ll never forget his hair. God his hair. Slicked back, with a fluffy ponytail, and a single, thick stray hair that ran across his face. Bright blonde.

“What the hell are you doing?!” He had a Russian accent. Not thick, necessarily, but definitely noticeable. With his yelling and appearance— i started to stammer,

“I- i- uhm—“ I started to tear up, the pain in my head striking me harder as i feel my head get hot. The boy in front of me looks around and sighs. “Skipping?” He puts his phone in his pocket and leaves his hand in with it, which is when i properly notice his black painted nails. I nod in response to his assumption, but im already crying a bit. He sighs, seeming a tad sympathetic he helps me up, and points at the wall. “Wait a second, I’ll take you to the nurse…even though it is your fault…” He mutters the last part under his breath, and starts to collect my things, but i‘m impatient, so i end up kneeling down to help him while I’m crying. He opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, but he doesn’t, and continues, holding open my bag when i slip my sketchbook inside. He lets me zip it up while i wipe my tears with my neon green arm warmers. I lug my bag onto my back, and i start walking away, before the boy hands me my phone, which i had no idea i had even dropped.

“Zombie’? Nice pick.” He compliments, before handing me my phone, which was turned onto my Home Screen. I repressed my musical stimming as much as I could…but this walk felt strangely long. I felt blood drip on my nose, and i gasped. “don’t panic, it’s just a split, you should be fine.” He said, sounding uninterested at my shock. He had every right to— i had bumped into him after all, and he probobly felt obligated to walk me to the nurse. The song ‘perversion 99’ was playing in my headphones, and as im walking by this strange boy, I look over at him to get a better look at him…The way he walks is strange, he took his hand out of his pocket, and he held one of his wrists behind his back, and he walked quite fluidly. I felt my heart sink and stop for a moment and my thoughts begin to run at paces i never expected them to— i knew this feeling, though i rather had not, and I didn’t want to accept it. I just think he’s hot, i tried to convince myself, nothing more…

“What’s with all the er…Staring.” He glanced over at me for a moment, and i shrugged, still embarrassed. We stepped into the elevator, and he held his head up high, defined, strangely. I became hyper aware of his mannerisms, and strangely, his dark eyebrows, probably drawn on with eyeliner around his actual brows. His face was almost completely caked in foundation, making it matte and smooth, and he seemed to have drawn on his freckles. He seemed off put by my staring, but I didn’t see it at the time. We stepped out and headed down the hallway, and he opened the door for me. “You go sit on that bench, I’ll tell them what happened.” He sighed, and cursed in Russian under his breath before he walked up to the nurses assistant at the computer. I knew what i was feeling when he walked up and leaned on the desk…I hated myself for believing it even at the thought.

by gods he was beautiful.

[devildom-tyrant]

In your opinion, most to least, sex drive of the brothers? 🤔 (if you wanna include diavolo and the others as you please)

*Tossed in some headcannons and sexual feelings about the MC, too.  ;D .... These, uh... Got out of hand a little.  I may’ve written too much.  

Avert your eyes, kiddos.

* Asmo - 

He’s gotta be at the top because he’s the avatar of Lust.  He’s had the most sexual conquests of the guys, and is continually upfront about his skills in the bedroom.  He doesn’t really associate sex with love at the moment, however, because he hasn’t found anyone that he’s cared about more than himself... Until now, that is.  Now, he doesn’t try to seduce you; you’re not another conquest or a notch in the bedpost to him.  Until he figures out his feelings for you, however, and you actually start seriously dating, he’s going to continue to sleep around.  

He’d be the most versatile lover of the bunch.  He’d want to figure out your tastes and preferences and proceed from there.  Do you want to be the one calling the shots?  Do you want a gentle night of love making, complete with rose petals and candles?  He’ll make that happen.  Do you want something rough, to be spanked or bound beneath him?  He can happily do that, too.  

If you want to make his fantasies come true, make a connection with him.  Look him in the eyes and tell him you’re in love with him.

Oh, and give him a massage, too.    

* Lucifer - 

For someone that comes across so composed and in-charge, Lucifer can also be rather... pent up.  He isn’t someone that has random one night stands, usually, but it’s safe to say that he’s had many willing partners over the years.  The Avatar of Pride likes to be the one in control (especially when his current circumstances have left him feeling like many aspects of his life are out of his hands); he wants to dominate, to have you want him and yield under his touch.  Oh yes, being around you has awakened something in Lucifer again, and he keeping finding his thoughts drifting to you in the night and everything he’d do to you if you were alone in his room.  If you weren’t in the equation, Lucifer would be probably be down a few notches on this list, but having you around has really reignited his sex drive.  

He’d be a dominate, possessive lover.  He wants to feel as if no one can take you away, as if he’s the only one you’ll ever think about -- even if it’s just in that moment.  He has the restraint to not be rough, to not push your limits, but he’s going to be vocal about how you’re his.  He’ll likely even leave a hickey or two in areas that can be covered up, just so you’ll notice them when you’re getting dressed and think about everything he did the night before.

* Satan - 

There’s been plenty of opportunities for Satan to get laid, despite the rage he’s shoved back with a smile and seemingly-cool temperament.  Witches love him, finding him intelligent and level-headed -- although the ones that get to really know him fear inciting his wrath.  He’s had experiences with witches and demons alike, though they’ve been fleeting and meaningless, mostly for him to satisfy boredom or curiosity -- or provide a release without him raging over something trivial that may have transpired that week.   There’s even been some encounters where he grew bored in the middle and simply left.  Other than that, sex hadn’t really been at the forefront of his mind lately... until you caught his interest.  

He didn’t think of you that way at first, of course.  You were simply another human, someone he found interesting, but didn’t give much thought.  After you formed a pact, however, he saw you in a new light.  He found himself growing jealous over the thought of you with someone else, and every time he made a comment about wanting more of you... he meant it.  The more he wanted to touch you, to kiss you and have you to himself, the more ramped up his sex drive became.

Satan would be a heated, dominate lover at first, though he’d be willing to give the reins over to you to do as you please out of curiosity.  He wants to know what you’re into, what’ll make you gasp his name.  It’s unclear if the possessive feelings he has toward you are an echo of Lucifer’s personality imprinted within the rage he was born from, but they’re there all the same.  Sex with him is break-the-bed passionate, and he’s got plenty of stamina to keep going all night.    

* Belphie -  

This demon’s got a dirty mind, and while he may not necessarily be going out and sleeping with other demons, sex is something that he routinely thinks about... especially since he got to actually know you.  He’s rather blunt about what he wants from you, and he doesn’t even mind sharing in that experience with Beel involved.  When it comes down to it, he’s got experience; he’s gone off for the night more than once for a friends with benefits situation, but his interest in that waned for many years until you came along.  Now, he finds himself trying to tease you for a reaction and making excuses for you to be alone with him in the attic. 

He’d be a dominate lover, and probably more rough than he realizes; you’d have to let him know if he was gripping you too tight.  If you’ve got a degradation kink, he’d be happy to fulfill that, too.  If you were in a devil’s threesome with him and Beel, he’d be the one doing the instructing and taking charge.  He talks a lot during sex, and he wants you to be vocal about what you like, too.        

* Mammon -  

He’s way too tsundere to be the type that’s going to be out there, letting just anyone touch him.  He knows he’s good-looking, and he projects the confidence that everyone wants him... but when they actually do, he panics.  This isn’t to say he’s a virgin, but when he does decide to go for a one-night-stand or an acquaintance with benefits deal, it’s few and far between and usually involves quite a few drinks to loosen him up and more than a bit of stroking his ego.  He’s never been with a human (or witch), but there’s something about you that’s just so different.  You don’t think of him as dumb, you go along (even if it’s reluctantly) with his schemes, and he always finds himself laughing and joking around with you.  You provide a comfort to him where being around you is just easy, and whenever you lean against him while you’re watching movies together, his heart races.  He’s never felt like this, and he just wants you.

He loves you. 

You’ve reignited his sex drive, and although he feels embarrassed and awkward about it, he’s had more than a few fantasies and dreams about you letting him stay in your bed at night.  He’s even begun to be afraid that he’s going to have one of those dreams on the nights when you do end up cuddling, and you’re going to wake up with Little Mammon pressing against your ass, and then he’ll just have to die.  

Mammon would be a passionate lover, albeit a nervous one at first.  He’s willing to switch, to either be the one in control or have you do whatever you want.  He’s eager to please you, to feel a connection, but he also likes to be praised, to hear that the GREAT Mammon is doing a great job; he’ll catch your gaze and flash a satisfied smirk.  He’s also willing to try anything once, so he’s open to your suggestions.

* Diavolo - 

The demon prince could have his pick of practically anyone in Devildom or any witch in the human realm, and yet it’s not something he often indulges in.  That’s not to say that he hasn’t; it’s just that he wants respect, and he’s old enough to be able to resist the urges.  Sleeping with someone would require quite a bit of trust for someone in his position of power -- he’s not going to abuse it for such a need.  

That said... Lucifer has indeed caught his attention.  He would never use their roles to glean that intimacy from Lucifer, however; he wants it to come freely.  But that doesn’t mean he hasn’t fantasized about what that would be like, or that he hasn’t... hinted toward it on the nights when Lucifer stayed in his bedroom with him.  

“You’re so tense, Lucifer.  It’s like you need to just let go and have a... release.”

He picked his words carefully.  Everything about the interaction was careful and precise, from the friendly, yet concerned smile curving his lips, to the contradicting, serious heat in his gaze.  Lucifer’s spine grew straighter, every muscle in his body tense.  He understood the meaning immediately.

The fallen angel sucked in a breath.  “Is that an order?”

Diavolo felt a pang in his chest.  Although Lucifer was the picture of obedience, his posture was closed off.  The tone was conversational -- it wasn’t accusing -- but there was a distance in his gaze... and contempt underneath the surface.

“No, no.”  The prince shook his head, spreading his hands, palm-out.  His smile spread to conceal how deflated he felt.  “Just a suggestion from a concerned friend.”

Despite that, Diavolo has seen the way Lucifer looks at you.  It was to be expected when he started the exchange program, after all, but he doesn’t feel jealous about it.  No, he genuinely feels relieved that Lucifer has begun to show more of his personality.

Diavolo would be a passionate lover, one that’s used to being the most powerful being and would have a difficult time giving control away to someone else.  That said, he would be attentive and perceptive to his partner’s needs.  His ideal fantasy is being the one to dominate Lucifer, to get him to trust him that much that he can have such a beautiful, proud man willingly submit to him.  

However, he’s recently found himself thinking more and more about just what a threesome with you and Lucifer would be like...  

* Solomon -    

Don’t let the teasing smile fool you; this sorcerer is older than he looks, and he’s definitely gone with Asmo to quite a few succubus parties.  In fact, he and Asmo have been intimate on more than one occasion.  Solomon finds it fun to go with the flow most times, and he’s never been in a serious relationship, as his focus has been more on the magical arts and building pacts -- even though he’s jested about his past to keep people guessing.  He keeps a wall between people most of the time, not quite getting close, yet still getting involved if they pique his interest.  Love and lust are two very different things to him, and he’s able to keep feelings out of flings entirely.  The sexual relations he does have are for his own amusement, with people he finds interesting.

That said, Solomon finds you interesting because of how quickly you’ve managed to form pacts -- including a pact he’s sought after for quite some time -- and the untapped power you possess.  He hasn’t taken it beyond a sense of guidance and a little bit of rivalry, however, because he prefers to watch and see how everything plays out regarding you and the demon brothers.  

Solomon’s mood influences what kind of lover he’ll be.  Some days, he’s interested in seeing what drives the other person and what they want out of the encounter.  Other times, he has something specific in mind.  He’s someone that’s tried quite a few kinks and open to others.  He’s generally laid-back about everything, he isn’t possessive, and he enjoys getting to figure out what the other person’s into.  Some nights, he just wants to have fun, too; he’s been around Asmo enough to have experienced multiple partners at the same time.  

* Beel -

Food isn’t the only thing that Beel’s into.  He may come across as someone that isn’t overly sexual or concerned about those things, but food isn’t the only thing he wants, and there’s been plenty of people interested in getting it on.  However, he’s never taken anyone up on it; Beel’s a virgin.  He’s always thought that if he wanted food more than he wanted another person, then it wasn’t worth it; he didn’t want to grow bored or come away unsatisfied -- or use them just for an experience.  However, ever since he’s grown attached to you... there are times when he’s thinking about you and doesn’t even feel hungry -- at least not in a sense that he’s used to.  No, there’s a new hunger in Beel, one that scares him sometimes because he’s afraid he might lose himself and take a bite out of you.  You’re a human, after all, and so fragile, while he’s got immense physical strength.  If you kiss him, he’s afraid he won’t be able to stop, that he might squeeze you too tight or become too rough.  

But that doesn’t stop him from thinking about it.  Regularly.  And when Asmo told him that there’s a thing where people put chocolate on each other and lick it off --

No.  He can’t do that; he’d definitely bite you if you were covered in chocolate.

Beel would be a careful lover, despite his fears.  He would make sure he didn’t hurt you, but he’d also have bouts of being passionate, of kissing you until you were breathless and gasping.  The first few times, you’d likely have to take the lead, to show him that he’s doing everything right because he’d be holding himself back too much to just go for it.  But once he became comfortable, he’d be able to switch things up and be the dominate one.  And with his strength, he could easily lift you into whatever position you wanted.

Just no food-play.  Nope.  It’s a bad idea, I’m tellin’ ya.

* Levi -

 The otaku’s a virgin, definitely, but there’s no shame in that.  He’s had ample opportunities to sleep with demons (and angels when he was in the Celestial Realm), but he’s never had the self-esteem to follow through or take them seriously.  That’s not to say he doesn’t have a sex drive; Levi loves 2D characters, including hentai and H games, and he routinely finds himself getting attached to fictional characters and even reading smut online.  He’s gotten off plenty of times in his room, but it’s only when he becomes close to you that he begins to fantasize about an actual person he knows.  He feels a bit ashamed of it -- it feels dirty getting off to you when he thinks that you only see him as a best friend -- but he can’t help but find himself picturing you and him whenever he clicks over to his hentai.  

Levi’s someone that you’ll have to work to convince it’s real first.  You can tease him and flirt with him plenty -- he’s easy to fluster, and he’ll stammer as he fights to conceal his blush -- but even when you’re outright grinding in his lap, kissing him, he’s still not going to think it’s real.  Once you can get past that, however, Levi will be an eager lover, enthusiastic, but also in need of guidance.  Hentai isn’t exactly the most reliable form of sex ed, so you’ll have to show him what you like and take the reins to make him feel comfortable.  He’ll be nervous, his hands shaking and his heart going doki doki to the extreme.  But he’s a quick learner, and he’ll feel as accomplished as he would beating a dungeon if he can get you off.  

You know how Barret does the Final Fantasy victory music when you win a battle in the FF7 Remake sometimes?  Yeah.  He’s doing that after you climax.  

He’s also the only brother than might change into his demon form in the middle of it because his mind’s all over the place.  

* Simeon - 

It may just be because he’s an angel, but Simeon’s on the bottom of this list because he sees that intimacy as something sacred.  He tries not to have impure thoughts about others, and actually getting to the point of sleeping with them would require an absolute commitment.   Because of that, he’s never actually done the deed, though he’s opened his heart a few times to other angels over the centuries.  He’s just never felt the spark he needed to want to close the deal.  It’s not something he thinks about much -- but that said, he’s still able to be easily flustered.  He’s not used to anyone being that direct in the Celestial Realm, so being among humans and demons is an... interesting change of pace, to say the least. 

When Simeon does finally land the perfect partner for him, he’ll be an attentive lover.  It’ll be love-making, definitely, the kind that’s in the movies where they stare into one another’s eyes as if they’re gazing into one another’s souls.  He’s sweet, full of murmured words of adoration and body worship.  The other person can be a guiding presence or they can figure out what they like together; either way, Simeon just wants to make sure it’s a night of intimacy that brings them closer together.  

[ohsweetflips]

I think Undyne's determination has less to do with like something that happened in the past and more like the overlap between determination as an actual physical thing VS a spiritual thing. Whereas the amalgamates were injected with determination by Alphys, Undyne makes her OWN. You've killed her best friend. You're going to kill the love of her life. You're going to kill her mentor. You're going to kill everyone. You've killed HER. But she still has to stop you. Everyone is counting on her 1/2

Undyne's whole motif is letting the monsters of the Underground achieve their hopes and dreams. Theres a reason she is the boss fight in Waterfall, the most backstory rich area in the game. Hope and dreams have just as much weight as determination does, its what helps you defeat Asriel. And Undyne the Undying's design mimics Asriel's because in Genocide SHE is the heroine, SHE is the determined hero that defies death in order to save everyone she loves via the hopes and dreams of everyone (2/2)

Sorry I just really fucking love Undyne Undertale fhfhfndkdk she willingly letting herself be used in an experiment to help her people is Very Good tho too hmmmm

!!!!

sorry ur abt to get a whole essay i love undertale so much.........

(also i use a lot of !!! for emphasis, not bc i’m yelling omg)

(also i’m letting you know this is an incoherent mess, it is 2am here akjsdkjsdjk)

but you can definitely be right!!!! tbh your idea seems much more par for the course than the spaghetti im throwing at the wall

even then, though, it’s stll so interesting bc like!!!! undyne’s courage is undeniable, and her fight to protect the underground plays Such a huge role in her whole waterfall arc. and, in the spiritual sense, she is absolutely determined!! that just makes me WONDER though bc, like, canonically, monsters Are Not determined! they don’t have that threshold!

and then, in looking at determination in the spiritual sense, what exactly makes undyne different? is it that her desire to live and protect the underground unlocks that threshold needed for determination? at one point, could monsters be determined, but then their millennia trapped underground biologically/psychologically stripped them of that? so then could any monster in the underground, when facing high enough stakes, have that determination? or is it just undyne?

bc then i think about the other bosses in either route, like papyrus, mettaton, asgore, sans. where undyne is the monster/boss capable of possessing determination, sans is probably the one least likely to have any threshold for determination (this is bc his entire boss fight is him realizing he can no longer be an observer, he is literally the last line of defense between chara and the annihilation of all monsters). mettaton is complicated bc as a napstablook turned corporeal, i dont even know where to BEGIN with him. but then there’s papyrus and!! it feels like he should be capable of feeling determined. in both the pacifist and genocide route, he is so assured that the human has some internal goodness. while, in the genocide route, that hope could be translated to fear, that still makes me wonder: under what circumstances could a monster’s determination be unlocked? is it not solely life or death? does it require some ulterior motives (aka undyne’s whole character being protecting the underground)? and like!!! it’s just so fun to think about bc, say it is undyne’s spiritual determination being unlocked, it’s so interesting that she’s the one differentiated!! that even papyrus, a character brimming with good and happiness and love, doesn’t have that determination, but undyne, who has a similar type of passion and goodness within her, does!!!

with experiment undyne, i will admit my theory is very much uhh wild! and unhinged! and, while my theory is much more playing in the “what if’s” of the science of artificial determination, it still makes me wonder! especially in the boss fight herself. ever since i first saw her genocide boss fight, i’ve always been a bit fixated on her eye, specifically the one w/ the eye-patch that eventually seems to have Some type of arrow power. while this definitely could have just been A Design Choice (and one i stand by!!), undertale is a game that reveals its complete lore when the pacifist and genocide route are put together. thus, in a hypothetical situation, i don’t think it would be out of the question that undyne’s eye could still Do that even in a pacifist route.

but even then, there are holes to poke! such as why doesn’t she use it? if undyne has been injected with artificial determination, why is she, frankly, normal until it’s a matter of life and death?

(to cut to the punchline before i get into my bullshit: i think it’s bc, at first, it seemed as if the artificial determination just Didn’t Work and had no affect, when in reality it needed to be met with spiritual determination as well)

and, again, i know i’m playing with a lot of hypotheticals right now, and mostly this is me just kinda fun bullshit theorizing, but i think it could have something to do with the fact that she has the threshold for spiritual determination! the reason i even think that she would offer herself up to determination experimentation is bc of the loyalty and love she has for asgore and the underground. i would argue that she is just as invested in asgore’s plan as asgore himself is, and she obviously sees him as some type of father-figure. so that alone gives her this Drive to do whatever it takes for the underground to survive.

so, therefore, i think in regards to this hypothetical experiment undyne, i think it quite literally is that spiritual determination threshold combined with artificial determination

and for that, i quickly want to talk abt the amalgamates and why they tie into this:

the timeline: corpses/souls injected with determination --> no reaction --> corpses wake up and act normal --> ??? happens  --> (quickly leads to) amalgamates

and so then that once again raises the question: what differentiates undyne? 

i think, for that, we then have to consider another question: if most monsters do not have the physical determination to continue living after death, can that determination be given when they’re already dead? monsters in general already have no threshold for determination, so can that be artificially made if it never existed in the first place? 

bc while alphys’s experiment, iirc, was to see what happened when a soul was injected with determination, i think the other much needed question is if monster souls could even Handle determination

and, while we do not know specifically what went wrong with the amalgamates (aka like How did they melt together), we do know that their physical forms really were not able to handle the artificial determination, imo most likely bc they do not even have a threshold for spiritual determination

but undyne is, as you have noted, different!

so, frankly, i think you’re right! i think undyne does have an inherent spiritual determination. it’s uncommon in monsters, but her want to save the world is enough to leave her determined

however, i think That would have just been enough to keep her alive

i think it’s artificial determination that gave her that final form! to reference  back to the amalgamates, they were all creatures whose powers we had seen before, but different now and, specifically, more powerful. that very same thing could be said for undyne! her powers are, essentially, things we have seen before, but fucking to Max Intensity 

AND THEN!! AND THEN!!!!!

when you do kill heroine undyne, she doesn’t turn to dust first

she melts first, and then turns to dust!!!!!

and, honestly, it’s that small detail that sent me down this rabbit hole, bc the only ever time we’ve seen monsters melted together are the amalgamates!

i think the main difference between heroine undyne and the amalgamates is the fact that undyne, at first, had No Reaction to the determination at first bc, since she most likely already had this secret threshold for spiritual determination, it wasn’t the Biggest of changes. it wouldn’t have had such a drastic reaction on her physical form bc, even if she didn’t know it yet, it wasn’t an entirely foreign substance

the amalgamates, however, aka monsters who had no spiritual determination, could only handle the artificial determination for an unknown amount of time before their bodies began rejecting the chemicals and becoming..... that

of course, then, this leaves me with even more questions, such as could undyne sustain this final form? would her body eventually give out, overcome by determination? was this form only meant for life or death situations?

and uhhh i think this is the end!! if you made it this far and are thinking to urself “damn you’re really an english major when you write like this?? this isn’t even comprehensible” do not fret!! i know this theory is kinda a shitshow, and it’s one of those things where i can keep myself up all night thinking abt this and talking myself in circles bc there are some points that i think have strengths and other points that are probably pretty weak

basically though!! i see the connection between artificial determination and undyne through the fact that her form actually changes, the reveal of her legit power eye, the way her attacks have been altered, and the fact that she melts at the end (akin to the amalgamates’ appearances) before poofing into dust

this has been,,,, a shitshow i am so sorry i hope this was at least somewhat understandable ajkdsjkdsjk

[bluebeirry]

Humanity in Heroes, Humanity in Villains- everyone’s flawed AF even if Hero Society can go F*** itself

Edit: I had to rename this because I realized my original name was misleading

I’ve seen a lot of thoughtful, well-written posts making very good points about why hero society is broken and is doing the wrong thing by vilifying their ‘villains,’ locking them up and forgetting  about them. I’ve seen a lot about how Tomura Shigaraki and the LoV in particular are natural responses to a broken system. @linkspooky and @waxwingedhawks and @thyandrawrites have a lotta good meta on this.

But… I also wanted to make something about the other side, that accepts that the heroes are flawed, human, and often in the wrong. Maybe a lot of people who already stan the heroes won’t get this, or will misunderstand what I’m going for, but I wanted to put it out anyways for fun and to see if I’m just talking out of my ass.

Here’s the thing. BNHA society as a whole being a villain-making machine that creates new villains, demonizes them, destroys lives, and then benefits from the hero system that only functions because of this destruction? Yes, spill that tea. Heroes doing harm by perpetuating the system? Totally agree.

But Heroes individually being responsible for the monsters created and being justifiable targets of hated? Well, I think it’s more complicated than that.

See, if we look at the hero system as a mirror of real-world capitalism, then the Heroes aren’t the CEOs and the politicians who make up the 1% and keep the world in tatters. They are symptoms of a broken system as much as the villains. They have more agency than the villains, yes, but I don’t think they’re all monsters for failing to see the shortcomings of a society that encourages them not to look too deeply.

First of all there’s the pure fact of what heroes do- they save people.

I don’t have a problem with heroes fighting villains who use their powers in destructive and violent ways. I have a problem with the system then taking those villains and locking them away, instead of trying to help them. But when a man made of slime is holding a 13/14 year old kid hostage, blowing up buildings, and shouting how he’s gonna kill All Might? He needs to be stopped.

In short, I agree with the hero system ONLY so far as the idea of having people who are trained professionals use their skills to protect people and save lives. If people are threatening/taking the lives of other people, I do not have a problem with those people being stopped by violent means- so long as those means do prevent further death.

What I have a problem with is the demonization of human beings, harsh and unforgiving societal reactions, and refusal to acknowledge or examine the circumstances that push human beings into committing crimes.

We see heroes treat villains as the irredeemable scum- and in cases like Overhaul, this is pretty true. But their society also doesn’t encourage heroes to follow-up on anyone they arrest after all is said and done- not once is it even mentioned that a hero plays a role in a villain’s trial, something that real-world cops often are called to do IRL  for the people they’ve arrested. And let’s be honest- it's easier for heroes to beat people senseless and not feel bad about it if they think the villains all deserve it. Acknowledging that doing physical harm to another person may be necessary in order to prevent further physical harm (or even death) from falling on more people is complicated and difficult to accept. I’m sure some heroes are being cowardly when they embrace the idea that villain=evil, while others- like All Might (see below)- don’t seem to have the social and societal awareness outside of their own experiences to realize that they should be following up and helping people. What’s more the idea that anyone should be looking at the cause of villainy is one that’s hard to pick up because it’s so rarely found. Nobody in the media, in the government, in the HPSC, wants people to think about the ethics of Tartarus. Even the Liberation Army doesn’t seem to give two fucks about the ways their society makes and profits off villains. It’s said several times that the world of hero society is a world of ‘repression’- I strongly suspect that anyone who tries to explain to others the flaws in their society gets repressed  and shut up, one way or another, with the only people in power who are aware being the ones that benefit from the system the most and don’t care about the lives destroyed in the process.

Deku says that this is the story of how he became the worlds greatest hero. I can this be the case without dismissing the villains completely- if the world changes how it treats them. If Deku brings about or enters a society where cases like Toga and Twice can be saved without needing to turn to the darkness- where the people Deku defeats and arrests aren’t just locked up for life, but are given brighter futures.

Now some specific cases, just for fun:

All Might:

So I said above that All Might is a good-intentioned person who backs the hero system due to ignorance of how it harms people. Now here is where I break down the psychology of this statement for you. First of all, we know that All Might’s original mission statement as a teenager was to make the world safer so that people would have the courage to do the right thing and make the world a better place- a viewpoint he probably gained from being part of the population that was too terrified to act. It reflects his life experiences. What’s more, we know that the world before All Might was very different from the world after him. It's very possible that his limited viewpoint comes from having an understanding of the world and what it needs that hasn’t changed over the course of his career- even as his career changed what the world needs. It’s not malice or arrogance that leads All Might to support a broken system- it’s lack of societal awareness beyond his own class bracket and lack of awareness of how the world has changed.

All Might may very well have been what society needed at the time when he was a teen. We don’t know what the world was like  back then- we don’t know if he truly was doing the right thing But he failed to make sure that the culture that sprung up in his wake would properly protect everyone as best as it can, and failed to recognize that society had to keepchanging beyond his original vision. It’s like stairs- you need to take each step one at a time, but after you take one step you then have to continue on to the next one. And All Might poured so much of his life into getting past one particular step, he never even realized that there was more steps to be climbed before society could reach the top.

The League of Villains:

See, I agree that the league are all people pushed to their roles by societal rejections, and their actions are a direct repercussion of society’s failures and crimes against them. I can even agree that attacking kids is morally iffy and not 100% morally wrong when those kids are also willingly  learning to become the next generation of soldiers (and later used as child soldiers) enforcing the broken society. I still think child murder is wrong because you cannot reasonably expect 15-year olds who grew up in a society that idolizes heroes to not buy into the propaganda. Plus often they’re being attacked just for being convenient, or for pissing Tomura off- which IMO is not a good reason to try to kill someone.

But all that aside, there are two things the LoV does that I truly believe are reprehensible. While the execution of the PLF raid had severe moral issues involved all over the place, the concept of  taking the PLF and the League down is just because of  two factors:

1. The use of human experimentation to make Nomu as weapons

2. The plan to massacre entire cities- killing millions of people-  as part of the PLF’s grand plan

The second one in particular is to me unambiguously evil. The first one is evil too- but if I put on my villain stan hat I’ve noticed in cannon that we  don’t actually know if the LoV is aware that the Nomu are made from human experiments. They’re called ‘artificial humans’ and apart from Tomura (who was a willing test subject) the LoV don’t seem to play any major role in the creation of Nomu (Shigaraki is said to have ‘designed’ some of the Nomu, but  it’s not clear if that means he actually worked with dead people or just planned the quirk combinations to go into the Nomu or something in between). Point is, Doctor Ujiko is pure evil but I can forgive the LoV if it turns out they didn’t actually know how the Nomu came to be.

But there is no possible way I can see the plan to kill millions as anything less than evil. There are a million better ways to change society- don’t jump into wholesale genocide. Atomic weapons are a last-ditch resort for a reason, and their plan would basically have had the same effect as dropping several atomic bombs on several cities without warning. I don’t think it was right when America bombed Nagasaki after destroying Hiroshima, I don’t think it was right when America made a half-assed attempt at explaining the bomb threat before dropping Little Boy, and the ethics of using nuclear weapons are complicated AF but I honestly don’t believe that the LoV’s plan is right.

Tomura Shigaraki:

In relation to Tomura, we see the heroes demonizing him and calling him an ‘it’ and seeing him as a manchild. All totally wrong. But for the last point… how are they supposed to think anything else? As readers we know Tomura is a traumatized kid, but the heroes don’t know anything about his backstory. Even All Might doesn’t know how Tomura got picked up by All for One, he doesn’t know about the death of the Shimura family.

What they do know is that Tomura is willing to kill children and bystanders to get his way. And to put this on the table- that is not a good thing. I am not pro-murder. If you think killing innocent people for simply being in a mall when a villain and a hero-trainee happen to also be there is acceptable, this post isn’t for you. By now you’ve probably figured that out, and I don’t know why you’re still reading unless you saw Tomura’s name and skipped ahead to this section.

Getting back on track, I don’t think doing such horrific things like attempted cold-blooded murder makes Tomura irredeemable. I agree that he’s traumatized and confused and lashing out. That does not mean he’s innocent, but he’s also not ‘pure evil’ or ‘evil incarnate’ as the heroes believe.

Here, the heroes themselves are definitely doing the wrong thing. Not because they’re trying to stop Tomura, but because they’re treating him- and the Nomu- as non-human. Honestly I preferred when they called him a man-child; at least then they were acknowledging the symptoms of his trauma. They didn’t have enough information to know that these were trauma symptoms as opposed to, say, symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder- with the information the heroes have, either could be possible guesses. But the world is broken when they assume it’s the latter- when they assume the case that casts Tomura in the worst possible light. And then removing his humanity entirely and treating him as a thing- there I have actual beef with the heroes.

Hawks/Takami Keigo:

Now Hawks is suuuper interesting to me, because so far he is the ONLY hero to show any awareness of the broken system. Namely in Twice. But even then, there’s problems- and arguably Hawks is either even worse of a person because of it.

There’s the fact that Hawks only recognizes the humanity and the very valid backstory of the one guy who’s his personal friend- which is blatant favoritism and shows willing blindness towards the trials and suffering anyone who he didn’t try to ‘save.’

Hawks has no desire to re-make or even change the system that he clearly knows hurt and broke a good man down into doing very wrong things. He sees that the system did these things, but he doesn’t think to try to make a lasting change that might not only protect Twice, but protect future victims from following Twice’s path. This is… interesting.

Then there’s the way in which Hawks approached Twice. Now, here I think Hawks was trying to both do a hero’s duty of preventing further future violence, but failed to balance this with his personal attempts to reach Twice as a person and save him as a victim of a broken system. Hawks tried to do both at the same time, and condescended Twice while offering him a way out.

I do not think in any way shape or form that letting Twice go free, or even not apprehending him, was the right thing for Hawks to do. Again, the LoV had two crimes that Hawks knew of that could not be allowed to go through/go on. Stopping Twice was the right thing.

Stopping Twice by throwing him around, taunting him, offering him a choice between betraying his friends and dying, and threatening his life, and ultimately killing him- that is NOT the right thing. I don’t get what Hawks was trying to do, and honestly his behavior really, really confuses me. I don’t know what would’ve been the right thing for him to do- it's a rock and a hard place- but what Hawks did definitely wasn’t the best option he had. It also wasn’t the worst. But killing Twice is still pretty damn close to the worst.

Edit: I also realize in retrospect that I didn’t even cover issues of corruption in the hero ranks, such as Endeavor, and how the popularity/fame aspects helps enforce the failings and corruption of the heroes and their society, or the issues with Quirks being repressed and regulated in anyone not a hero (which ironically contributes to the idolization of heroes)

[skvaderarts]

Hiraeth Chapter 15: Acquaintance

Masterlist can be found Here!

Chapter fifteen: Acquaintance

Notes: I don’t normally do anything for Valentine’s Day, but I might write something for it this year. IDK since I have no ideas. It’s not my kind of day. But I thought it might be a fun challenge, so here we are. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. It was a new kind of challenge for me. More on that later in the endnotes!

-~-

In truth, there had been no specific set of expectations placed upon the situation that they now found themselves in. none of them were entirely sure what they’d expected to find when they exited the house and walked along the path that led through the front lawn to the front gate that inclosed the small front yard, but it sure as hell hadn’t been what they found. In such trying times, that was one thing that was for certain.

Flames rained down from the sky as the intrepid group of devil hunters forged a path forwards up the street, remnants of a distant encounter of some sort that seemed to be a few blocks away. From this distance, all they could see was smoke and charred trees, all they could smell was the distinct sulfurous scent of the underworld; all they could feel was the burning heat that only fire left in its wake. looks of perplexion and mild amusement adorning their faces as they strode forward. Yes, something cataclysmic had certainly occurred during their time inside of Matier’s cozy abode. They hadn’t noticed any of this whatsoever. Whatever this was, it was eventful, and it might be the perfect distraction from the matter at hand.

But what had caused this incredible set of circumstances to occur in the first place? This entire situation was entirely irregular, to say the least. Even from the distance that they currently were from it, they could feel the change in the atmosphere. A great deal of power was being discharged in whatever battle was waging ahead of them, and they couldn’t pinpoint its origin. But perhaps the most incredible thing was that there didn’t seem to be any notable property damage. No, the encounter, whatever it was, seemed to be contained in some way. The entire little village that they found themselves in would have burned down by then if that wasn’t the case.

“So Vergil, you spent, what, literally forever in the underworld, right? You ever seen something like whatever this is?” Nico asked as she attempted to keep pace with the rest of the group. She was out of breath, and running wasn’t something that she did if she could avoid it, especially in a hot, humid climate like the one that they were in. That being said, she didn’t want to miss a second of the action if she could help it.

The devil slayer in blue glanced over at her, more or less neutral to the inquiry. Yes, he had indeed spent “literally forever” down there. There was no need to remind him. But he could only assume that the young woman had meant her comment in a non-malicious way. She had no reason to pick a fight with someone who could easily end her life. Perhaps it was just her misguided way of breaking the ice.

“Now that you mention it… no, I don’t believe that I have.” The reality of that realization suddenly dawned on Vergil as they forged a path forward. The Darkslayer drew his weapon and readied himself for a fight, unwilling to simply walk into what could possibly be a trap. Nico wouldn’t willingly walk them into one, but the situation could still be beyond her scope of expertise. And besides, having Yamato at the ready was probably be the best decision he could make when going up against an unfamiliar and more than likely deadly force. He wasn’t going to make it too easy on his opponent.

Dante shrugged, pulling his blade from his back in preparation for the battle that they were probably walking into. “Beats me! I’ve never seen anything quite like this, either. It’s kinda familiar, but not really, and I still can’t place what could be causing it.”

Much to their surprise, Nico snickered slightly at the statement. “Oh, believe me, your gonna see what’s causing. That’s why I came and got ya in the first place! I needed ya to see this for yourself. It’s pretty wild!”

“So am I the only one who wasn’t to know why the sky is on fire? Because I feel like that might be pretty important.” Nero said as he readied Blue Rose. It was the bare minimum of presumptive action that he could take against a possible sneak attack, and the last thing he wanted to do was get torn in half by some random demon. Not only would it be a lame way to die, but it would also keep him from finding out what the hell was going on.

“Yes, your quite right, Nero. The sky isn’t normally on fire. A rather astute observation, if I do say so myself. And it certainly doesn’t help me breathe any easier.” A familiar voice said as they passed him from behind, leaving nothing more than a blur or dark energy as they passed. Nero gave V an unamused look as he hovered past him, the shorter-haired man clearly not pleased that he had to run while V could simply float along the ground effortlessly. That wasn’t to say that he blamed him, though. If he has such an ability, Nero was certain that he too would abuse it in every possible way. Riding Punchline was by far one of the highlights of his day whenever he was afforded the opportunity.

As the group neared the trees, they caught sight of something that waylaid them slightly. Standing just to the side of their destination was a familiar face that Dante was positive that he hadn’t seen in far too long. A small dagger flew past Dante’s head and into the tree behind him as stepped forward, catching sight of the group of demons that had gathered around in a hopeless attempt at actually standing much of a chance against their opponent. But that wouldn’t do them any good. While she might not be quite as powerful as he was, Lucia was far from a pushover, and a few worthless Puia, Demonochorus, and Msira didn’t stand a chance against her. As if to prove his point, she threw a volley of blades at the last remaining wave of them, knocking them dead to the floor as she withdrew her curved blades from the remains of a Savage Golem that had made the fatal mistake of thinking it could take her on in close quarters combat.

Vergil raised an eyebrow as she approached them, noting the finer points of what little of her fighting style he’d be able to see. While he himself used smaller blades as a primary element of his fighting style, actually throwing them was another matter entirely. It took great skill to be able to hit your target so consistently, and to do so with such speed? She was rather impressive, wasn’t she? He wondered for a moment what he had expected her to do when he’d finally met her, but it seemed that whatever expectations he’d previously possessed had been subverted, even if he didn’t really know what those expectations were. It wasn’t every day that something like that happened.

The instant that the demon was dead and she had holstered her twin blades, Lucia jogged over to them, using her left hand to toss her long red braid over her shoulder as she came to a stop in front of Dante. Despite the fact that she’d just finished a battle, a pleasant, if not shy smile spread across her face. “Dante… Matier told me you’d come back around. What are you…”

She trailed off for a second as she caught sight of the rest of the group, noticing for the first time how many new people she’d never seen before were there, especially the ones with white hair. Her eyes drifted over to Vergil as he approached, V and Nero coming from behind their father and around to meet her. Was this the guardian that Dante had told them so much about? If so, they were somewhat surprised. For whatever reason, both Nero and V had collectively figured that she was an older woman like Matier. She didn’t’ seem significantly older than they were. Probably around Lady and Trish’s age, possibly even slightly younger. It was hard to say by just looking at her. What they could say, however, was that so far, she seemed far too nice to be one of Dante’s friends. After all, she hadn’t shot or stabbed him yet. What a welcome change of pace!

After a moment of staring in quiet confusion at Vergil, Lucia turned back towards Dante. She looked at the devil hunter in red for a second, her brow furrowing slightly as though she didn’t understand something. She tilted her head to one side, clearly considering something. A moment later she looked at Vergil again, this time stepping back to get a better look at both of them. And just like that, something clicked. 

“Oh… I see. That makes sense. Very interesting.” She turned her gaze towards Dante, folding her arms and she glared at him playfully. If she’s been closer, she might have even nudged him, but that was a longshot. “Why didn’t you tell me you were identical twins, Dante?! That’s incredible! You told me about your brother but…”

Lucia slowly stopped talking as she noticed that Vergil was folding his arms and turning to give his twin a dirty look, the younger of the two giving her a look as if to plead with her to stop talking. While the lovely redhead wasn’t privy to what was going on, she was smart enough to be able to tell that it was probably a complicated matter between her longtime friend and his twin brother, and that she didn’t want to get involved. If the tension alone was anything to go by, it might not end very well for her. Best to revisit that topic later when it was just her and Dante and the two of them were not in the same location. After all, she’d heard from down the grapevine that they didn’t always get along.

V peered around his father’s back, wrangling Shadow as he ended his use of the demonic feline. She was an invaluable asset, especially in regards to travel, but there was no reason to use her when they were standing still. Best to let her rest just in case things took a turn. Though going off of his experience with the young woman that they had just ran into, he couldn’t imagine that it would. From what he could tell, she seemed kind.

“Sorry about that. It’s not my business, is it? Forgive me.” Lucia blushed slightly, clearly embarrassed. She’d only been talking to him for a minute or two, and she’d already managed to find a way to get herself tongue-tied and into a situation that she didn’t particularly wish to be in. How did this always happen? “My name is Lucia. I’m one of the guardians of Vei Du Marlin. I hope you’ve enjoyed your stay so far. Sorry for the wait.”

As if to protest against her polite statement, another loud explosion ricochet across the space behind them, this time the vibration it caused was enough to stagger them, nearly causing V to stumble and fall over due to the sheer force of it. Nero reached for his brother in an attempt to steady him, but the older of the two politely waved him off. There was no need. Thankfully he hadn’t actually fallen down. The problem was that V’s center of balance left much to be desired. Lucia noticed his unsteady state and gave him a concerned look, drawing attention from the rest of the group as she did so. V sighed quietly under his breath, cursing his entire equilibrium for being so easily swayed.

“I’m fine. Truly. It’s just that whatever that was threw me off.” V glanced back towards the source of the explosion before turning back to her, intreuged.” Normally I tend to notice strange things such as that a moment or so before they occur because I do have eyes and I can see them, but we have no visibility from where we currently are. As such, I can’t really brace myself for impact. And whatever small amount of foresight I tend to possess has seemingly abandoned me. It’s unfortunate, but I’ll manage.”

Lucia nodded, seeming to understand his plight. “Oh, I understand. That makes sense. My mother needs assistance when she walks these days as well. She’s elderly, you see. Your balance being a little off is absolutely understandable if you walk with a cane.”

V considered elaborating for a moment, but he couldn’t will himself to do so. For whatever reason, he found himself tongue-tied in a manner that was unfamiliar to him. It was rare that he couldn’t think of a single thing to say, yet here he was, at a total loss for words. He wanted to say that it was simply because of the fact that he didn’t know what to say to such a polite, understanding, and accommodating response, but there was a part of him that subconsciously registered that there was more to it than that. He just didn’t know how to put it into words. And that was exceedingly strange to him. Maybe he was just worn out from his long conversation with Nero, Dante, and Vergil?

“Nice meeting you, Lucia. I’m Nero. Dante’s nephew. The frigid jerk in the blue coat is my dad, Vergil. He’s not so bad once you get used to him.” Nero said politely, trying his best to break the strange tension that had formed between V and the young guardian. He’d never seen V look so dumbfounded and lost before in his life, and it was as amusing as it was deeply confusing and strange. But regardless, they needed to figure out what was going on here. “This one’s my brother. I swear, he normally talks more. Not a lot more, but still. It’s something.”

V seemed to catch onto the fact that he was, in fact, acting deeply strange. He cleared his throat, looking down at the ground for a moment as if doing so would clear his head somehow. Suddenly he felt incredibly embarrassed, and he couldn’t even find a place to start as to why. What the hell was wrong with him? “You can call me V. it’s a pleasure to meet you, Lucia. What seems to be the trouble?”

She smiled slightly, a pleasant look that was reflected in her eyes in a way that told him it was genuine and not artificial friendliness to help break the ice between them. She pointed towards the woods, shrugging slightly as an exasperated look crossed her face. Despite the fact that she’d seen what had happened, that didn’t mean that it made any more sense to her than it did to anyone else. “Your companion came to assist me. A strange, large demon attacked while I was dispatching the lesser ones, and he lured it over there. I’ve been too busy dealing with these ones to go and see what became of him, but the fire doesn’t seem good, does it?”

Nero glanced over in the direction of the woods. He had to agree with her. “No, it doesn’t seem very good, does it? We should probably go and check it out. Ya know, see if he need any help. How big was this demon?”

The red-haired guardian gestured with both of her hands before withdrawing her blades, something catching her eye behind them. She took a defensive stance, motioning with her head towards the woods on the other side of the street. “Massive. But I think we might have company on the way. It seems that all this commotion had attracted unwanted attention.” 

She gestured in the direction of the large precession of demons that were now charging them, their heads lowered and their horns positioned to strike. It was a group that consisted of several varieties of goat and Finis demons and, from what he could tell, there were about two dozen of them. Each variety was present and accounted for, and they seemed eager and willing to attack. That didn’t surprise the devil hunter in red in the slightest. They always had been in his experience, especially the damn goat demons. But that didn’t change anything. He’d faced them before, and he would face them again.

Dante chuckled slightly, remembering the first time that he’d faced a member of the goat clan. They were always a fun time, but he didn’t really have the opportunity at the moment to give them the time that he would have liked to. Right now wasn’t the best time to pick a fight with a giant overgrown flaming goat, but they were going to have to take them down nonetheless. And then they needed to figure out where Sirrus was and fast before things got out of hand. If nothing else, flaming debris falling from the sky might catch something on fire. And the last thing they needed was to be even partially responsible for yet another destroyed town. Enough was enough for one lifetime. Or at least one year… 

“Alright then, let’s take care of these posers and go see what’s got the big guy so riled up. Think we can do that before the entire neighborhood burns down?” Dante said playfully as they readied themselves to meet their opponents head-on. Each of his companions gave him an affirming nod, even Nico who had no intention of getting into this fight. She didn’t even have a weapon, but she was going to hang back and see what she could do to help. Maybe going to check on what was going on in the woods was a good idea? Regardless, they were ready to meet their opponents head-on, and as the foolish creatures charged them head-on, they decided to meet them in the middle.

The entire company of devil hunters surged forward, ready to take down these pathetic excuses for demons and get to the real challenge. The poor creatures wouldn’t live to regret the day that they stumbled across the entirety of their family. After all, descendants of Sparda didn’t suffer demons to live, and there were a lot of demons here asking for a good murdering. Not a single one was going to make it out of here alive if any of them had anything to say about it. Especially with the mood that Vergil was in today. That had been their first and last mistake.

-~-

Wow. I did all of this week’s writing in one night. What the hell is wrong with me? Anyway, Lucia is hard for me to write, so I hope I did okay! I’ve never written anything with her in it before, despite how much I love her! Head to the comments and recommend me some fics with her in it to read! I need to learn her mannerisms, although I think I might have gotten a few of them at least half right. Thanks for all the support, and I’ll see you all next week. Well, except for the little valentines day short that I might write for Saudade sometime soon, but you know what I mean XD

See you in the comments!

[harryandmolly]

Complicit // 8

summary: Shawn is under more pressure than he’s ever known. He craves release and comfort, the simplicity of sex. He gets more than he bargained for.

warnings: language, NSFW (the kind that anon politely asked me not to write but I did it anyway -- this is your warning, sweet friend), alarming tenderness... and what comes after

WC: 6.9k

----------

S.M.: Can I ask you for something?

Penny wakes up to see a text sent at 2:30am on the morning of her day date with Shawn. He requested the day date specifically -- he’s been in Europe for a week for a festival in Helsinki and his body clock is so fucked up he feels sick when he tries to figure out what day it is.

He has the day to himself before he has a Bex outing planned for that evening -- drinks at The Nice Guy, some kissing and maybe a little minor groping outside the cars as they leave conspicuously together. He wants to spend those hours before, his hours, with Penny.

Orthodontist: You may.

S.M.: Can we be cozy? I want to see you but I’m fucking wiped out. Cozy sweats day?

Penny frowns at the frantic tugging in her gut, the one Silver trained to save her from something all escorts go through at one point or another, the one that should make her wary of the potential intimacy of something like this. Penny clears her throat and lets her thumbs fly.

Orthodontist: Of course. See you soon.

She’s paid to give the client what they want. If they want the girlfriend experience, that’s what she’ll do. It’s not unique to Shawn, anyway. Plenty of clients have asked for lower key dates once they get comfortable with her. She understands that, the need for that kind of comfort. She used to need that, too.

But the tugging reminds her of the other circumstance. Shawn requested a house call. Again, not unique to him at all. But she has this funny feeling that if Silver took a look at her schedule and saw the date herself, she’d make that carefully concerned-but-not-too-concerned-because-you’re-a-grown-up-and-my-business-partner face. She loves Silver endlessly, but that face makes her feel small.

Penny shakes her head, but just minutely in case he’s watching her walk up through the window. She focuses on the date, on being prepared for whatever he may need from her when she walks through that door.

Client’s needs. Client’s needs.

Penny lets it take over like a mantra as she parks her normal car, the leased white 2021 Passat, beside his Tesla in his driveway like she’s done it a million times. She walks up the steps and rings the doorbell, tucking her hands into the front pocket of her Ivy Park hoodie, trying to look anywhere but right at his front door.

When it swings open, she feels like her heart has spilled out onto her shoes. He’s in a pair of green and blue plaid pajama pants that are inexplicably a little long and pooling around his ankles, despite his impressive height, and a big, loose t-shirt. His hair is wet. He smells like warm soap. His smile is soft and flat. He stands aside to let her in.

“Hi, Penny.”

She hides the full body shiver by doing a quick turn like she’s interested in looking around his foyer. She plasters on a smile.

She’s in his house.

“Hi, Shawn.”

He reaches a hand for her. She knows it’ll be soft and hot from his shower. She braces herself to take it. He tugs her forward, the corner of his mouth lifting as he pulls her in for a kiss. She nearly trips into him, her Ugg moccasins bumping into his bare toes as his nose nudges hers and it’s so startlingly intimate that she purrs into his mouth like he’s not paying for her time.

He curls his hands around her hips and starts to lead her into the house. She follows, taking tiny steps between his feet as he continues kissing her -- quick, open-mouthed kisses.

“Can I just keep kissing you for a while?” he asks, his teeth clanging against hers as he smiles, his eyes shut. She gives him a breathy hum and a nod in response. He guides them through his house blind, ignorant of her curious eyes scanning the area as they go. Her hand rises from his shoulder to cup the back of his head just before it smacks into his closed bedroom door.

He grunts, reaching for the handle to let them in. It’s dark inside -- he’s got those good blackout curtains, the heavy ones that turn any room into a cave. It’s pleasantly cool with a haphazardly made up squishy gray duvet on the bed, nondescript but cozy. Shawn reaches for a lamp on the dresser and it casts the room in a warm orange glaze of light. He sighs contentedly on the way back to her lips. She feels it in her bones as she wraps around him.

She steps out of her moccasins to rise higher on her toes to meet him. His hands wander, curiously, not hungrily, over the worn cotton surface of her hoodie. He sits on the edge of the bed and pulls her in, tucking her around him to straddle him. Penny goes willingly, settling low enough on his thighs that she’s not plastered up against him, but perched comfortably in his lap.

Penny gives Shawn a breather by tucking kisses down his jaw and into his neck. The marks she left last time have all faded back into lightly bronzed summer skin. She kisses and sucks gently, not enough to bruise. Shawn’s fingers twist into the ends of her hair, pulling more teasingly than desperately.

Over his shoulder she spies several ripped up citrus peels on his night stand -- tangerines, she thinks. They have extra bits of pith picked off and spread on top. They explain the bright fruity taste of his mouth. 

Penny closes her eyes again and feels him shiver as her teeth graze his jugular. She thinks she could’ve lived without knowing he peels the extra bits of pith off his citrus.

Penny separates from his wet skin with a deep inhale, pressing her hands into his chest to push him back. He goes with a soft smile. Her good boy knows better than to grab at her to drag her with him.

She folds herself over him, gazing between his lips and his flooded brown eyes when he stops her, grunting a little as he raises his chin.

“Where did all these come from?”

He’s staring up at her in wonder, just below her eyes. Her brow furrows. She leans onto one hand to lift her fingers up to graze her nose.

“My freckles?

He beams so wide and lazy it makes her smile too without knowing what they’re grinning about.

“Yeah. You’ve been hiding these under makeup?”

She shrugs.

He lets his eyes trail over the course of them -- a heavy sprinkle over her nose and cheekbones, growing sparse and light down her cheeks.

Shawn closes his eyes and sighs. “Didn’t think you could get prettier.”

Penny dips her head to kiss the spot between his collarbones, tugging at the collar of his shirt to reach it.

“How was Finland?” she finally stammers, needing to put something between them and… this.

“Weirdly hot. And the food was really good.”

She doesn’t bother to point out that she’s been there with the Aston Martin guy. Instead, she nods and watches his blinks get slower and slower. 

She wets her lips. “It must’ve been nice to have a break.”

His eyes refocus on her. He stares questioningly.

“From the American press, I mean. I’ve seen a lot of you and Bex lately. Which I guess means that’s going the way it was planned.”

She doesn’t sound bitter or flippant, just matter-of-fact. Shawn ignores the tiny voice that wishes he could accuse her of jealousy. He knows he wouldn’t like her response if he did.

“Yeah,” he hums, “Her album sales have gone up. Mine are projected to be… pretty good.”

He’s being modest. His album is one of the single most anticipated releases of the fall. But thinking about that makes him want to throw up so he chooses to suck on her bottom lip again, re-memorize the little dip in the middle where he likes to flick his tongue.

“It’s ok, you know,” she breathes after he pulls back, “That you don’t want to talk about it with me. I understand it’s… maybe confusing.”

Shawn shakes his head. “It’s not that. Honestly, I’m better talking about it with you than anyone else. I know you’d never judge me.”

She smiles, a little warm, a little sad. “It’s true. The prostitute can’t be throwing stones at any glass… anything.”

Shawn actually chuckles. It’s odd how quickly it happened, but he’s long since gotten used to the notion that she’s a paid sex worker. He probably got over it somewhere around the third orgasm. He knows what Niall meant now about it being like a form of therapy. The stigma doesn’t bother him like it once did.

He lowers his gaze to the strings on her hoodie. “I guess I just like mostly pretending it’s not happening. It’s not… it’s not like I’m miserable around her. She’s a nice girl, she’s fun. But I built a whole relationship with my fans on always being honest. I told them everything, I promised I always would. I gave them everything. Because they’ve given me everything.”

Penny nods. “You made those promises as a teenager. Your life hasn’t been simple in a long time, but it sure as hell was simpler then. You’re a grown man now. No real adult’s life is so easily lived in the spotlight. I know you know that, you’ve lived through some of that already. The rest of the world has to figure out how to deal with you now, how to approach you differently. I don’t think they’ll need much more time. The Bex thing, as much as I know it makes you squirm, it’s working.”

Shawn closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath, feeling it rattle in his chest as tears threaten. He’s so fucking tired.

“It’s working,” he agrees in a croak.

Penny knows enough to move on now. She slides up his body so their heads are level. She teases his bottom lip with the tip of her tongue.

“Your bed is comfy,” she coos, rocking from side to side with a grin.

Shawn seems grateful for the distraction. “You like it?”

“I do. Your place is nice. It’s big but cozy, like you.”

Shawn smiles, releases a little chuckle through his nose. “It’s nice like this… with you. In sweats and t-shirts, just… y’know. It’s easy.”

Penny’s smile grows a little dangerous in that way he loves. “Who said I was gonna make it easy, baby?”

Shawn groans. “You never do. It’s what I like about you.”

Penny purrs, ducking her face back into his neck, on the other side this time as he cradles her. Her fingers sneak up under his shirt, teasing the soft hair on his stomach that trails into his pajama pants. He releases a breath into her hair as his muscles contract.

“What can I do for you, baby? What would you like?”

She usually chooses for them. He usually wants her to. But she must have sensed that he was holding back, wanting to ask. He sighs.

“In the shower I was thinking about… after the cock ring. What we did after.”

Penny’s eyebrows raise. Her heart picks up pace against her ribs. She stays cool and purses her lips.

“What was it we did after, Shawn?”

Shawn’s cheeks start to flush. He rolls his eyes. “You want me to tell you I want you to fuck me in the ass?”

Penny’s eyes go bright with delighted shock. She laughs, “That’s exactly what I want.”

Shawn, never one to deny Penny what she wants, manages to get his mouth around the words, his eyes sliding shut. “I want it, Pen. I want to take your cock like a good boy.”

Penny growls before he even gets the words out. She drops her weight against him, rocking her hips automatically in a way that gets him groaning into her plundering mouth. Before they can get too lost in their almost teenage humping, warmth trapped under layers of clothes, Penny straightens up on her arms, perched over him.

“Did you get ready for it in the shower?”

He nods and glances around his room like he’s just realized something.

“Where’s your suitcase?”

She grins. “I traveled light today. I brought a purse.”

He eyes her. “You… have a strap on in your Prada bag?”

Penny tilts her head. “I’m always prepared.”

She sits up in his lap and stretches her arms up, shedding the bulky hoodie, bare underneath. Shawn whines so loud his torso clenches. 

He pants, “Can I touch your nipples?”

Penny nods, continuing her hips’ assault against his. She rolls against him, feeling him go fully hard under the thin flannel fabric of his pants, angling herself so his cock slips against her swollen cunt through her leggings. Shawn’s hands go straight to her breasts, cupping their fullness and positioning his thumbs right over her hard buds, the ones he treated so well he made her come without touching her perfect pussy. He smirks at the memory.

“Thinking about it, baby? About how hard you had me coming just with your pretty mouth on my tits?”

Shawn’s head falls back as he mewls. He loves it when she gets mouthy like this. She’s excited, he can feel it. He thinks maybe she likes pegging him as much as he likes being pegged by her.

Shawn scrapes the tips of his fingernails against her nipples like she likes and it’s like striking a match. Her back stiffens, she groans, loud and deep. He watches them go diamond hard between his fingers, squeezing a little just to get a last dirty thrust of her hips against his before she really goes to work on him. She knows his game and gives him a crooked grin. 

“Are you gonna be a good boy or a brat?”

Shawn’s pearly teeth sink into his swollen, wet lip. He nods. “I’ll be so good, Pen. Gonna be your good boy. The best.”

Her lips twitch. She blinks quickly, startled with the words that almost come slipping out of her mouth.

You’re already the best I’ve ever had.

Penny lays her hands over his much larger ones on her chest and peels them away, dropping them beside his cherubic curls. She moves her hands down to rest against the firm stillness of his chest, his steady heartbeat singing for her. His fingers twitch but he remains quiet beneath her, watching her, wondering about her.

Her fingers stretch and relax, scrunching at the fabric of his t-shirt. He lifts his hips invitingly, just grazing her, offering himself to her. Like in case she forgot how much he wants her and needs her, he’s there to remind her.

Penny lowers herself against him slowly and flips them, his arm tucked beneath her, his knees bracketing her legs to hold his weight. She reaches down and lifts the hem of his shirt, wriggling him out of it. She’s hit with a wall of him, warm naked chest and the perfectly Shawn scent that comes with it. It’s the purest version -- devoid of cologne or weed or the incense Cez sometimes burns. It’s his soap, his breath, his shampoo, his skin. She gasps greedy lungfuls, sinking her hands into the easily defined ridges of his back as she grapples with a way to steady herself.

She closes her eyes away from his prying ones and pushes her hands down his hips to shove at the fabric of his pajama pants. With a few heavy grunts, he manages to slip out of those, too, his old plaid boxers going with them. He fights to keep himself from grinding down against her. He can smell how wet she is for him already through her leggings. He slams his eyes shut and struggles to breathe.

He opens them again when he hears her shuffling around beneath him. In a squirm of fabric and freckled skin, she sheds her leggings and whatever panties she had on beneath. For once, he finds he doesn’t care what they look like. He just aches at the sight of her bare and wet, her limbs threading around him like sun-darkened vines.

“How are you always so tan?” he breathes, his mouth tugging up at the corner. Penny grins lazily, her eyes heavy.

“I sunbathe naked on my patio while I listen to audiobooks.”

Shawn is seized by the image, at once so, so painfully sexy and somehow also domestic and warm, like if he spent a few seconds longer with it he could imagine being back there with her, sharing a bottle of wine, playing his guitar for her.

But he definitely doesn’t let himself get that far.

Instead, he buries his face in her neck and inhales. “Fucking gorgeous.”

Penny brings a hand firmly down his spine from his neck to his lower back, squeezing for his attention. “Hold on a second.”

Shawn eases back, blinking curiously. Penny slides out from beneath him. On little brown tiptoes, she hops to the window and peeks out curiously. Once she’s had a look, she glances back over her shoulder at him. His brow lifts.

Penny lifts back the curtains, flooding the room in midday Californian sun. Shawn winces and blinks, turning his cheek. She tucks the curtains back, revealing his view, the rolling, blank green of the Hollywood Hills. Shawn’s lips part like he’s going to say something, but he doesn’t. Penny turns to face him.

“I want to see you in the sunlight.”

Shawn trembles with a shiver as she approaches the bed slowly, perching on the end, cupping his cheek so her thumb runs along the lower edge of his cheekbone. 

He can see every freckle. He can see every little smile line. He can see a little ridge-like scar on her temple that he doesn’t know the story of. He can see the way her skin glows like she’s absorbing the sunlight she craved for him. He can see everything.

And so can she. The only natural light she’s seen him in has been cloudy, dusky, early morning light that lovers sleep through, or shrouded by curtains that forgive the sharp edges of shadows and direct sun. She left no room for it here. She can’t believe she never noticed how pink he is, all over. She’s seen it in his cheeks and chest, and on occasion in the skin she’s abused to the point of sweet red welts, but never like this where she gets to see the true permanent almost-blush that sits ready under the surface at all times. It’s breathtaking.

They both know they’re spending too much time openly studying each other, but the opportunity is too tempting to ignore. It’s Penny that breaks first, dropping kisses into his shoulder as she crawls over him, pressing him back into the mattress with a deep sigh.

Through the soft graze of his chest hair, she flicks at his hard little nipples with her tongue, enjoying the way he arches into her with a little huff of air. She keeps on, nose brushing all the petal pink skin she finds on her way down, punctuating with wet presses of her lips until she reaches the dark swirls of pubic hair that trail from his navel downward. His chest shudders hard as her breath displaces the hair and her hands find the soft insides of his thighs to push them apart for her to settle between. His cock twitches with interest, just gone fully hard against his stomach. She brushes her lips along the shaft, lips parted in a curious smile. Her hand reaches back to the bench off the foot of the bed. Shawn’s eyes snap shut at the sound of the bottle of lube opening and shutting. 

Penny’s lips are followed by just the tip of her tongue. Her tracing is gentle, intimate like the touch of a finger along the throbbing vein, then to the sensitive head of his cock. Her fingers warm the lube between them with audible wet strokes that make Shawn’s brows pull together in anticipation.

Her lips join her tongue again at the base of his cock. Her fingertips press gently against his perineum. His inhale sizzles through his nose loudly. She rubs little circles, firming up in pressure as her mouth moves in a wet pattern up to the head of his cock. It slips between her lips. Shawn’s fingers sink into the squish of his duvet.

“Fuck,” he breathes in disbelief, lifting his knees to plant his feet before she can ask him to. 

She works her tongue in swirls around the head of his cock as her fingers draw the same motion around his hole. Just as she slurps at his tip, she sinks a finger in to the first knuckle.

Shawn sighs comfortably, less tense now than he was when they first began exploring this together. She slips it in and out a few times before burying it further. His head tips back and draws out a moan that’s as honest and selfless as she’s ever heard him. It urges her on.

As Penny curls her finger, stroking upward, Shawn loses himself further. He turns his cheek against the pillow, nuzzling as he presses his ass into the bed. His dark eyes fixate on her, on the way she watches him when she slides a second lubed finger inside him, moving so preciously slowly, treating him with so much care it sucks the breath out of his lungs into more breathy moans. She alternates attending to the head of his cock with her wet mouth and pressing kisses to his shaft, keeping the main focus on the talent of her perfect little fingers. She scissors them apart slightly, stretching him to get ready for the toy, grinning at the way his toes curl.

“Penny, baby, feels so good,” he grunts, shaking his head in disbelief. She hums her agreement. She has her own fondness for this, feeling the tight, welcoming warmth with him, feeling the trust grow ever stronger as he puts more of himself in her care with each breath.

Penny licks a drop of precome from his tip and watches her free hand spread to trail up his chest and rest over his heart. It’s thrumming hard, not too hard, not enough to make her back off for fear of ending it early. She wants to take this time nice and slow for him now that he knows how much he likes it and asked her for it. She focuses the press of her thumb into his perineum while her fingers flex and curl.

“Fucking… yeah, Penny, Jesus,” he pants slightly, fisting the sheets on either side of him. She can feel and see the sheen of sweet sweat on his chest and abdomen. He’s almost ready.

“Baby,” she breathes, her voice hoarse from disuse and the weight of her own arousal, “You want my cock?”

He’s not so bashful this time as the first time she asked. He nods first, closing his eyes to find his voice.

“Baby, Penny, please. Fuck me.”

Her toes curl in anticipation. She rolls her hips needily into the bed. Shawn watches with a growling moan. His body protests the careful removal of her fingers and she knows he wants his hands on his aching cock but one look from her reminds him she hasn’t given him permission. Instead he squirms against the bed watching her lift the strap on harness out of the pouch and step into it. Her wetness makes a sound as she separates her legs. She bites her lip at his eager gasp.

“Nice and wet, Pen? Gon-gonna come when you fuck me?”

She tightens the harness around her hips and thighs and considers him through heavy lidded eyes. She flips her feathery dark hair out of her face and cups her fist around the base of the dark green silicone toy.

“Would you like that? Wanna feel me come with you?” Her breath breaks off at the end. Shawn lifts his head and nods again, more fervently.

“Baby, I always want to feel you come. I need to make you come. Please.”

Penny feels his urgency and steps to the end of the bed, reaching for the bottle again. She slicks the toy down with a generous handful of lube. Shawn pokes the tip of his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he watches, knees still bent, legs still spread. 

As she lifts a knee onto the end of the mattress, Shawn comes up on his elbows and readies to turn over. She reaches out and grabs his leg to stop him. The first time she took him like this, he was on his knees with her behind him. He’s surprised when she has him lift his hips to settle a pillow beneath them and angle him up toward her. She pulls his thick thighs over hers and nudges him with the head of the slick toy. He exhales slowly, nodding.

Penny goes perfectly slow for him, watching the flutter of his lashes as he adjusts to the fit of it inside him. She sinks gently until she’s buried, her hips snug against his thighs. Shawn focuses on his breathing and the way the ends of her hair tickle his chest as she leans forward.

Penny eases her hips through a circular motion that has the toy grinding into him a little harder. His eyes fall shut. He whines, high and sweet.

“Yeah, baby?” she coos.

“So good,” Shawn sighs, opening his eyes again when he feels her thumbs rubbing similar circles into the insides of his thighs. He’s noticed she has a thing for matching patterns in the way she touches him to heighten sensation. He offers her a lazy, fucked-out grin as she continues the slow sway of her hips.

“Have you ever tried this?” he whispers, nodding at her.

Penny bites at her lower lip like she’s not sure. The coyness is a reflex. She shakes it off.

“Yeah. I like it, too. With the right partner.”

Shawn smiles. His thighs tremble. Her hips have picked up their easy pace. She grips him a little harder as she rocks into a pulsing motion that has her sliding in and out a bit more obviously.

Shawn groans. “Holy… shit.”

He’s wordier when she’s inside him than he usually is. She likes that, makes it feel like he’s even more free than usual, like his thoughts come out through his mouth rather than the alternative of getting stuck to rattle in his brain.

Penny eases forward onto one hand by his head. Her breasts hang, her nipples grazing his chest as she strokes in and out more purposefully. Shawn’s eyes fall shut and his head lolls back. His mouth drops open in a low cry of pleasure.

“Shit… f-fuck,” he sobs, feeling the welcome heat of this with her singe him all over. He grips the sheets harder.

“Can touch me if you want,” she pants, her breath broken up by the strain of her thrusts and the way they bump right up against her swollen clit in the way she likes.

Shawn’s fingers are flushing red as the blood seeps back in. He lifts one to cup her shoulder blade and the other around the back of her head. The motion focuses her eyes down on his, up from where she’s pressing into him.

His eyes are heavily glazed and his lips are parted and wet. Before she thinks about it too hard, she dips down to lavish them with kisses. The change of angle has Shawn nearly purring into her mouth, his legs spreading wider to welcome her closer.

“Baby, oh my god,” he hisses, his curls shivering against his forehead as she mouths at the edge of his jaw.

“Like it like this?” she croaks, fucking in and out of him a little faster, “No one’s ever made you feel this fucking good.”

It’s not edged with the cocky lilt her words take on when she’s giving it to him good in bed. There’s a note of desperation. The need to praise and validate her roars up in Shawn’s chest so strong he gasps a breath to speak.

“No one,” he agrees in a rough sigh, “Fucking-- oh. No--nobody, baby, you’re the only one. Penny, you’re the only one.”

With a satisfied moan, Penny reaches between them and wraps her fingers around the head of his cock. Her hips swing harder, wringing a pretty gasping cry from him with each one. She pulses her fingers around him in time, ready to feel him come apart at the seams.

Shawn feels her lips brushing his. He blinks lazily, almost too far gone to speak, but the look in her eyes makes him whisper, “Come with me. Please.”

Penny’s responding breathy whimper sends him right over the edge. He stifles a scream as his entire body goes beautifully tight and he releases between their stomachs and into her small, wet fist. She breathes through it, right up against his lips like they should be kissing but breathing each other in is enough. Suddenly, with an erratic flick of her hips that has Shawn holding her a little tighter, Penny whines his name and it’s the best fucking thing he’s ever heard. She rows up against him again and again, riding through the orgasm he’d give her a thousand more times if she asked until she’s spent and collapsed against his chest, the toy still inside him.

Shawn lifts his heavy arms around her, smiling like a dope into her hair. He smoothes her hair down her back. It falls so far it brushes her cute round ass, so he massages that, too.

Penny peels up enough to look at him. She smiles and bumps her nose up against his lips.

“Wow,” she chuckles.

“Uh huh,” he grunts back, the same amusement in his voice. He cradles her between his legs, propping his chin up on the top of her head.

Penny starts easing her hips back to Shawn’s little noises of protest. She sheds the harness and grabs a wet washcloth to clean them both off. She tosses it in the hamper and crawls up beside him, still bathed in warm morning light, his arm open to the side to welcome her. She’s just settled up against him when she hears something.

“Hey now, hey nooooow! This is what dreeeeeeams are made of!”

Penny’s head shoots up. She always, always turns her personal phone ringer off when she’s on dates. She somehow forgot. Her head jerks as she looks to Shawn, who’s still wearing a look of dreamy calm.

“Nice ringtone.”

“Sorry, fuck-- I usually turn it off. It’s… that’s my brother’s ringtone.”

Shawn tilts his head curiously. “Answer it if you want. Does he know about me?”

The question is so shocking Penny forgets to think before she answers with a short nod.

“I mean… yeah. It’s-- I tell him everything. I mean not, everything everything. Obviously. But… he would die before telling anyone. I promise.”

Shawn’s face shifts at the look on Penny’s. He’s never seen her look so wide-eyed and sheepish. He strokes a hand comfortingly up her arm.

“Hey, it’s fine. I get it. Answer it, I really don’t mind.”

Penny hesitates a moment longer, then launches off Shawn’s chest to get to her purse. With impressive flexibility, she reaches off the end of the bed and hits the answer button before the ringer ends.

“Hey,” she pants.

“You know what absolutely blows?” Peter barks. He’s so loud Penny is sure Shawn can hear every word but he looks out the window politely.

“What?”

“Data structures and functional programming!” Peter wails. A clunk in the background sounds like a textbook falling shut.

“Don’t tell me you got a B+ on a test again,” Penny jabs, eyeing Shawn with a mischievous smile. His nose twitches over a shy grin now that he realizes he’s allowed to listen.

“No, god no, don’t joke about that,” Peter hisses, “Hot TA finally, FINALLY asked me out.”

Penny’s eyes pop. “What? That’s great! He’s so cute!”

“So, so cute,” Peter agrees in a strained voice, “But my data structures professor moved our test up because he got asked to speak at some conference in Bern. The summer semester break is about to start and hot TA is starting an internship in Hong Kong until September!”

Shawn’s eyebrows raise curiously. Penny bites her lip over a smile, her cheeks catching pink at this odd collision of her personal and professional lives.

“Peter, fuck the test. You have an A. Even if you fail it, you won’t fail the class.”

Shawn chuckles, sitting upright to listen closer.

“But--” Peter begins.

“No,” Penny interrupts sternly, “Don’t do the thing. Don’t use me as a way to argue with yourself. You’re in college, Pete. There’s plenty of time to take over the world with your impressive brain later. Go get laid, for the love of god.”

Shawn laughs, loud and delighted. Penny giggles.

There’s a pause. Peter says, “Who is that? Silver?”

Penny wets her lips and lowers her gaze to Shawn’s legs. “No.”

Another pause. “Oh my god, are you on a date?”

Penny chews the inside of her lip. Her silence is enough confirmation.

“Oh my god,” Peter cries, scandalized. There’s another crash -- this time it sounds like a computer chair smacking into a wooden desk, “You answered your personal cell on a date?”

Shawn looks even more intrigued. He leans further forward and bites his lip. Penny reaches out and plucks at a curl on his forehead.

“Shawn doesn’t mind.”

Peter’s overdramatics reach new heights with his squealing cry in reaction. Shawn laughs again, going pink from the chest. Penny crawls into his lap, feeling mysteriously smug -- perhaps at the disproving of her longtime theory that if ever her two worlds should meet, chaos would immediately follow. Shawn gathers her up on his lap and brushes his nose against her collarbone, sweeping his lips against her neck.

“Are you seriously post-coital with Shawn Peter Raul Mendes and taking a phone call from meeee?” His voice has gone all squeaky so the final drawn out vowel makes her cringe.

“Why do you know his full name?” she laughs. Shawn snorts a chuckle and it vibrates her throat. She hums comfortably.

“My god, my god, get off the phone. Bitch, I will hang up on you. Go get that mans. Get that good Canadian rock star dick, what the fuck.”

Shawn laughs harder and he’s close enough to the phone that Peter cries out at the sound.

“Shawn, for the love of all that’s unholy, do something to get her off the phone.”

Shawn lifts his head and considers the challenge. Penny is breathless, watching him lie back, taking her with him. He lifts her, scooting her up his chest until she’s perched over his head, her knees bracketing the pillow, phone still pressed to her ear.

“Hey, you’re still coming for that CalTech thing, right? I see you in a few weeks?” she breathes, gazing warmly down at Shawn as he tongues at the inside of her wet inner thigh. She sinks a hand into his curls to steer him. He goes willingly.

“Yeah, yeah in like a month,” Peter answers distractedly, “I put the flight on your Amex.”

Penny’s eyes fall shut when Shawn swipes his tongue up through her folds, flicking at her clit.

“Good boy,” Penny hums with a nod.

“Are you talking to him or me?!” Peter shrieks.

Penny grunts, glancing down at Shawn who locks his arms around her thighs and bears down. With a shaky inhale, she sighs.

“I don’t know anymore. Bye, Pete.”

She holds the phone away from her ear to hang up. She can hear more screaming as she hits the end call button.

+

Oh my GAWD! Shawn Mendes and Bex Get Hot and Heavy in Miami BETCH! -- Perez Hilton

Shawn Mendes and Bex Spotted Getting Steamy on Miami Beach -- People Magazine

Hottest Couple of the Summer! Shawn Mendes and Bex Making Waves In Miami! -- JustJared

+

Penny lifts her chin and controls her stride as she steps into the chilly hotel room at The Beverly Hills Hotel. With a nod back at Gus, the door shuts behind her.

He’s tall. Extraordinarily tall. He’s probably at least 6’5”. He’s a Nordic god with crisp blue eyes and a swath of blonde hair that falls shaggy but controlled around his shoulders. His body is lean and smooth, well trained but hard and a little unwelcoming somehow. Penny’s lips curl into a smile.

“Miss Penny,” he breathes in lightly accented English, “You’re a vision.”

Penny’s upper lip puckers. She tucks some falling curls behind her ear and steps closer, dwarfed but unintimidated by her new client.

“Mr. Larsen. You’re every bit as handsome as you appear in Forbes.”

He’s flattered by her easy softball of a compliment. She can tell by the way he preens for it that he believes her words. She looks down at the glass of gin in his fist. She looks back up at him and smiles again, walking around him to prepare her own.

“I was very eager to receive your recommendation from a colleague,” he says, easing around the chaise to stand behind her. He’s not hovering, exactly, or at least not close enough to make her uncomfortable. She’s aware of the shimmery body oil she rubbed on the bare skin of her back, accented by her low cut cocktail dress.

Aston Martin guy referred him, Silver told her. She knows the type. Elegant and refined. Not terribly interested in small talk before clothes come off. Gets called ‘daddy’ by the girls he brings home from bars and events but needs a strong woman to hold him down and ride him hard to feel balanced.

It’s easy. No challenge. No problem to solve. Penny sighs. It escapes his notice.

She turns while dropping a wedge of lime into her sweating glass. Her eyes rake him from head to toe. He takes it as an invitation to step closer.

“Good word of mouth is crucial to my business model,” she agrees coolly, taking a sip. It’s not as strong as she’d like.

His smile is vaguely unpleasant. He’s the kind of guy she’d tell the La Splendeur girls to avoid when out in the wild. He steps closer.

“I’ve heard very good words about your mouth.”

Penny’s low exhale takes the place of the eyeroll she’d give if she weren’t being paid so handsomely. She can’t blame his native tongue for the too-smooth, cheesy pun. This guy was probably Oxford or Cambridge educated. He speaks better English than she does. He’s just fucking boring.

Penny drops a finger into her drink, curling it slightly, watching his eyes follow the motion. Too easy.

She brings it to her lips and sips the gin off her finger. She doesn’t even like gin. He licks his chops like she’s a meal.

She puts her glass down.

“Get on your knees, Mr. Larsen.”

+

Whiplash.

It’s the only word for the feeling he’s had for days on agonizing days.

Penny crawled out of his bed and left her scent behind in his sheets after a few more traded orgasms and more shared kisses than usual. In a sexed out daze, Shawn heads into the lion’s den. He’s never seen so many paps outside The Nice Guy. The cold snapping of their shutters knocks him back into reality. The high he rides after a few hours with Penny is cut criminally short.

He cradles Bex close under his arm. He wets his lips and leans in when she whispers in his ear. He smiles, makes it melt like butter, and brushes his lips over hers. It’s stomach-turningly tender.

There’s more obvious canoodling outside the bar. Even with his eyes shut and her sucking on his lower lip in an objectively satisfying way, the flashes have him on edge.

He returns home to a bed that smells like something that feels imagined. It’s somehow even less real to him than the carefully orchestrated farce he’s been living.

Because it can’t be real. There’s no trace of her besides the sunny breath of perfume in his pillows that makes him choke up inexplicably when he buries his face in it before sleep mercifully knocks him out.

He can’t see her. He has trouble picturing her pretty face despite all the time he’s spent staring at it. He claws at it -- freckles. Tiny forehead scar. Slender ankles. Weirdly pointy but still cute knees. The laugh. He can’t remember the real laugh, the one that fizzes like expensive champagne, the kind he only drinks with her. He can’t hear it.

Even if he could manage to cling to all these pretty things, it can’t be real. What’s in the headlines is real. The album sales, the festival numbers, the hashtag stats -- those are real. As fake as it all is, it’s real. It’s more real than the nothing he has with a woman he pays to sit on his face.

His career is real. His album is real. His family, his life is real.

The rest of it is distraction.

-----------

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[kagehinataboke]

New prompts? yay I love your work! Can you do number 11 bakutodo but with todoroki being the only one little? Maybe a quirk hit him and it made him a little boy again? Thank youuuu ❤

yes, this sounds so cute!!! big uwu

tdbk: [11] aged down characters

***

“What… the… fuck?” Bakugou blinks several times, but the nightmarish sight in front of him won’t go away. “What the fuck?” he repeats, because there really isn’t else to say.

“I don’t know,” Todoroki says in his prepubescent, soft, high-pitched voice. “I woke up this morning and found myself like this. I think it’s an after-effect of that villain fight yesterday. Her quirk had something to do with aging, didn’t it?”

“Forget that.” Bakugou gestures at Todoroki’s tiny kid body, enveloped in one of Bakugou’s old skull T-shirts. “You’re a fucking toddler.”

“I actually think I’m around seven or eight,” Todoroki corrects, swinging his legs back and forth on Bakugou’s desk chair. He seems to realize what he’s doing and looks at Bakugou with the utmost desperation. “Please help me get back to normal.”

Part of Bakugou really wants to tell him to fuck off, but he can’t just leave his boyfriend as a kid. That’s very illegal. And gross. But what the hell is he supposed to do to fix this? He’s never de-child-fied someone before. Obviously. Where does he even start?

“Fuck,” Bakugou grumbles aloud, pushing himself out of bed. “Let’s go find Aizawa I guess.”

“Do you think he’ll know how to fix it?” Todoroki follows Bakugou out of the dorm, glancing around nervously. “I don’t want anyone else to see me like this…”

“He always knows how to fix shit like this,” Bakugou dismisses. “Well just explain the situation, tell him about the mission yesterday, and see if we can figure out the villain’s quirk— Icy Hot?” Bakugou turns to find Tododoki several feet behind him.

“My legs are short now,” he mutters after catching up. “Don’t laugh. Can’t you walk slower?”

This might be fun, after all. Bakugou bends down so he’s eye-level with the little Todoroki, trying and failing not to smirk. “I’ll carry you. Hop on my back.” Under normal circumstances, Todoroki would freeze Bakugou’s hand to the wall if he suggested something like this. But the eight-year-old Todoroki isn’t exactly in a position to say no.

“Fine,” he grumbles, “but you’d better not tell anyone about this.”

“Roger that, Ice Princess. Wow, you’re so light. And tiny.” Bakugou shifts Todoroki’s weight, which is barely noticeable. “It’s kinda cute.”

“Shut up and walk.” Todoroki buries his face between Bakugou’s shoulders, tugging on his neckline demandingly. His personality didn’t get any more innocent, at least. It would be comforting if it wasn’t so annoying.

***

“This is him? Really?” Aizawa squints at Todoroki, who squirms in his chair. “Amazing,” Aizawa continues, poking the cheek where his scar used to be. “His body has completely reverted to a much younger age. I’ve never seen a quirk work like this before.”

Todoroki smacks his hand away impatiently. “Is there a way to fix it or not? I’m sick of being a child.”

“I’ll have to look into the villain’s quirk,” Aizawa mutters, more to himself than to them. He rubs at his eyes, retrieving a phone from his back pocket. “I’ll call Nezu and see what the protocol is for a situation like this. Bakugou, look after him until we know the full extent of the quirk’s effects.”

“This is just fantastic,” Todoroki murmurs as soon as Aizawa disappears into the hall. “Why did this have to happen? We were careful on the mission, weren’t we?”

Bakugou tries to be sympathetic, but it’s taking all the willpower he has not to laugh at the sight of little Todoroki with his stick-thin arms crossed. “We’re always careful,” he says, coughing to hide his amusement. “Some quirks are just fucked up. We couldn’t have seen this coming.”

Todoroki stays silent, but Bakugou can tell he’s sulking. Part of him wants to give the moron shit about it, but if their situations were reversed, he’d be losing his mind. Instead, he pats Todoroki’s tiny shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Icy Hot. Aizawa always figures this type of shit out. See, here he comes now. He’s probably already found a way to get you back to normal.”

“I don’t have a way to get you back to normal,” Aizawa says, shattering Bakugou’s half-assed optimism. “Yet. Nezu is going to speak with the police force to see about analyzing the villain’s quirk. Until then, we’ll just have to monitor you, Todoroki.”

“You’re kidding.” Todoroki’s face falls. “How king will I be stuck like this?”

“We’ll turn you back to normal,” Aizawa assures him. “The safety of the students is U.A.’s top priority… Usually. Nevertheless, it’s pointless to worry. Just lay low for today, and I’ll come to you when we have a solution.” Aizawa gestures at Bakugou. “Take him back to your room. I don’t want him alone.” He lowers his voice to whisper, “And don’t provoke any strong emotions in him. In his current state, I can’t be sure what will happen.”

***

“UNO. Victory. That’s four wins in a row for me.”

“Why the fuck are you so good at this?” Bakugou slams his cards against the table irritably. “Let’s do something else, before I strangle you.”

“I don’t think you meant to say that out loud.”

“Did I fucking stutter?” Bakugou exhales a tense breath to calm himself down. “Okay… How about some food? Can you stay here until I get back?”

“I want to go with you.”

“No. Do you want others to see you like this?”

Todoroki hesitates, but refuses to give up. “I’m coming with you. Aizawa said not to leave me alone, anyway, so let’s get going.”

Dammit, Bakugou really hates when he’s right… “Fine, asshole. But I’m not carrying you again.” He locks the door and starts down the hallway.

“Then walk slower, Katsuki. That’s not slow in the least, and you know it. You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

Bakugou smirks, slowing to let Todoroki’s corgi legs catch up. “Maybe a little. You’re just so fun-sized.” He tries to pinch Todoroki’s cheek, but quickly jerks his hand away with a yelp. “Ow! What the fuck?”

“What’s wrong?” Todoroki touches his face, frowning at Bakugou questioningly. “What happened?”

“Your face scorched my fucking hand.” Bakugou shows the steaming burn to prove it, and Todoroki’s frown deepens.

“I’m sorry, I… I suppose my quirk isn’t working properly. I hadn’t learned to control it at this point. But I don’t feel any—“ Todoroki suddenly sways, catching himself against the wall. He tugs at his collar. “Ah… it’s hot.”

“Oh, fuck.” Bakugou notices the sweat dripping from Todoroki’s red face and swallows down his panic. He’s overheating like a boiling pot. “Shit. Take your clothes off.”

“That’s… i-inappro…” Todoroki’s eyes roll back in his head. Bakugou has to lunge to catch him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He jerks his hands away from Todoroki’s burning skin, pulling off his borrowed T-shirt in the process. His chest is red-hot, steaming like human skin definitely shouldn’t. “Holy shit. This is no time to panic,” he tells himself, scrambling for his phone. “Have to call Aizawa…”

“Bakugou?” Yaoyorozu is standing a few feet down the hall with Jirou, both sweaty and holding ice-filled water bottles.

“Fuck.” Bakugou quickly stumbles to his feet and yanks ones of the bottles from Jirou’s hand, ripping off the cap. “This better work.” He dumps the ice water over Todoroki, leaping back when hissing steam curls into the air. It does its job, though: Todoroki’s skin returns to a normal color, but he doesn’t wake up.

“What the hell is going on?” Jirou asks, picking up her discarded water bottle. “Wait… Is that—“

“It’s Todoroki,” Bakugou interrupts impatiently, using the skill T-shirt to pat Todoroki’s chest dry. “I don’t have time to explain everything. You can either get lost, or you can help me get this bastard to Aizawa.”

***

“That was a close call. You’re lucky he wasn’t injured.” Recovery Girl pulls the curtains closed around Todoroki’s bed. “It seems as if he was boiling from the inside out. I managed to cool him off enough to avoid damage.”

Before Bakugou can be relieved, Aizawa’s words bite into him. “Are you deaf? I told you not to get him worked up!”

“I didn’t do shit to him!” Bakugou protests, smacking Aizawa’s hands off his collar. “If anything, this is your fault! Isn’t this school’s ‘top priority’ to protect its students? If you’d done your damn job, he’d have been fine from the fucking start!”

“Now, now; everyone please settle down.” Nezu appears from thin air, as annoyingly calm as always. “There’s no use casting blame after the fact. Besides, the situation has now been resolved. The villain willingly told us how to reverse the effects of her quirk. Todoroki should be back to normal in an hour or so.”

Aizawa narrows his eyes, but he keeps his mouth shut. Bakugou lifts his chin with a scoff. “Whatever. I’m out of here.”

“Don’t.” Nezu halts him with a raised paw. “We’ll go. You should stay. Aizawa?”

The two teachers disappear, and Bakugou reluctantly follows Recovery Girl’s advice to sit by Todoroki’s bedside. The whole day has taken the absolute piss out of him. Fucking villains. Fucking careless Half bastard. Bakugou didn’t even realize how worried he really is until Nezu told him they’d found the solution.

Todoroki gets on his nerves, but if anything serious happened to him… Fuck, it’s better not to even think about. He’s fine now. Most importantly, he won’t be stuck as a kid forever. It’s impossible and disgusting to even think about having romantic feelings for an eight-year-old.

“…Katsuki?” Todoroki mumbles. His voice is back to normal, and when he opens his eyes, the left is framed by his blissfully normal, beautiful scar. “Am I back to normal?”

Bakugou attempts to lighten the serious atmosphere. “Dunno. Have you checked down there?”

“Not funny,” Todoroki warns, but the corners of his lips are twitching. “I didn’t realize how much I liked being a teenager until I was an eight-year-old.”

“I’m glad you’re not a fetus anymore,” Bakugou says with an eye-roll. “It would be amazingly awkward to have to break up with you over it.”

They both laugh, and it lessens the knot of tension in Bakugou’s stomach. Things are back to normal. For the time being, at least. He really needs to have a talk with the school about their safety measures… But for now, he’ll enjoy having his full-sized, mega dipshit of a boyfriend back.

“Move over. I’m coming in.”

“This bed is way too small for two people.”

“Shut up. If we can fit on your sister’s couch together, we can fit here.”

They maneuver into a comfortable position, arms and legs intertwined in a safety net of limbs. Todoroki is back to his normal temperature—a perfect mix of hot and cold—and he fits snugly against Bakugou’s side like a puzzle piece, right where he belongs.

[travllingbunny]

The 100 6x05 The Gospel of Josephine

While we’re still on the hiatus, waiting two weeks for the next episode, at least I have more time to finally put my thoughts on episode 6x05 in one place and post the belated review.

I appreciated this episode better on my second watch, because, the first time, I found it a bit hard to believe that no one besides Bellamy was suspicious of „Clarke“’s new, decidedly non-Clarke-like behavior, even though they all noticed at least some of it, and that they didn’t put two and two together after they had already found out about bodysnatching. However, putting it into perspective, it all happened over a very short period of time – and besides, it is such a huge thing to accept. Most people wouldn’t even want to believe it.  

Still, while everyone seems to have caught the small blunders, like calling Murphy „John“, I do wonder if anyone except Bellamy was alerted by the fact that „Clarke“ was OK with bodysnatching and arguing that it’s OK because it doesn’t affect them. Could it be that their idea of her is a bit skewed? The funny thing is how much others (well, mostly Raven and Murphy) were bashing Clarke this season as the Worst Person Ever, and now her body is possessed by an actual villain, who is the polar opposite of Clarke: selfish, egotistical, immoral, arrogant, devoid of compassion and caring, allergic to children, and convinced that she is better than everyone and that she can just walk over the lesser, disposable people. There are even some people in the fandom who somehow imagine Clarke to be the Bad Guy, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary, which is a really incredible misunderstanding of the story and characters. Well, if people wanted to see a real villain in Clarke’s body? They got her now.

I expected the reveal about Clarke not being dead (surprise, surprise) but dormant, to happen at the end of this episode. It turns out it will probably happen in the next one.. Even though I can’t wait to see real Clarke again, watching JosephineClarke (JC) try and fail to pretend to be her was a lot of fun. To be fair, JC knows very little about Clarke, so of course she wouldn’t be able to guess how she’s supposed to act, but her hubris also got in the way. Thinking that, just because she was once in a famous play, she would be able to pretend to be a person she’s never met, is perfectly in character for JC, with her dismissive attitude towards „disposable“ people, which made her blunders so much more enjoyable to watch. Eliza Taylor did a great job giving JC completely different voice inflections and mannerisms from Clarke, at times just as playful and carefree as Sara Thompson’s original Josephine we saw in 6x02, but also more evil and scheming. Her „Clarke“ act went from basically just being JC herself in new situations, to doing something of a caricature of Clarke, in her „These people are happy, their world works“ speech in her final scene with Bellamy. But, she’s certainly smart, so she ended up deciding there’s no point of pretending with some people, namely Bellamy, and that she needs a better ’coach“ to teach her how to play Clarke and manipulate the one person who, as it turns out, matters to the Primes’ plan, Abby, so it will be interesting to see her doing her best after getting some pointers on how Clarke would act.

We also learned about something called Offering Grove – apparently, the Sanctum community doesn’t just sacrifice people to their ’gods“, the Primes, so they could live forever – they also do the classic human sacrifice, in this case – to the meat-eating trees. Lovely. And we see another weird thing specific to this planet – the strange green storm that seems to destroy or age or suck the life out of living beings. I’m hoping for more info on that in the following episodes.

One of the great things about this season is the amazing cinematography. Metaphorically, season 6 has been dark AF, but, fortunately, it’s not literally dark, as so many shows are these days when they try to be „dark and gritty“, so everyone wears black and grey and you can’t see a damn thing on screen due to poor lighting. No – The 100 season 6 has incredibly bright colors, with a planet that looks beautiful, with Sanctum looking like Renaissance Fair and with people in all sorts of rich, colorful clothes – and it’s all incredibly weird and disturbing.

Josephine’s first actions after waking up in a new body? Kill her „best friend“ Kaylee, after calling her out on the fact that Kaylee killed her in her previous body; paint a portrait of herself, while dancing and singing along to „Alors on dance“; take a shower and change clothes.

So, Josephine thinks that Kaylee and her family were running away because they were scared Russell would find out that Kaylee killed Josephine VII. But how were they supposed to find out? The only new ’naming’ was Priya. The next one was to be in 14 years, when Rose turns 21, and that was supposed to be Jasmine (someone Miranda loved, but we don’t get info what she was to her). There wouldn’t be a new Josephine for a long time. This doesn’t really make sense, unless there was another reason why they were eager to get away from Sanctum.

It’s been fun piecing the info about the identities and relationships of the Primes. So far, we know for sure that there were 13 people in the Eligius 3 mission = four families, plus Dr Gabriel Santiago, the geneticist. Those were:

Russell, Simone and Josephine Lightbourne;

Priya Desai and her teenage son Ryker (we learn her last name from her plaque in this episode)

Kaylee („Leelee“ as Josephine calls her), her mother (Faye), father and brother (I currently think the father was called Victor and the brother Daniel).

Miranda and her family, which consisted of Jasmine and a man we saw on the portraits of the Primes on the walls of Sanctum in 6x02 (some say that his name on the plaque in high resolution reads as Caleb Mason). We still don’t know for sure what the relations within that family are. I initially assumed Jasmine was her daughter, but from the way the portraits were lined up (parents above, kids below – and only Caleb was above, with two portraits below), it seems more likely they were sisters. (Or, who knows,, maybe one is his daughter and another is her wife.)

Although Josephine and Kaylee were apparently ’best friends“ (weird friendship, that one), that relationship had to develop that way only after their first lifetime, because the age difference between them seemed to be at least 10 years. Josie doesn’t seem to have much use for children, and Kaylee and her brother were pre-adolescent children during the original mission – the same ones that Josie used to test the unknown plants that, for all she knew, could have killed them. „I didn’t try it. I gave it to the kids. Leelee loved it. If it was poisonous, they’d be dead by now!“

The backstory is that Kaylee killed Josie, after Josie killed someone called Isaac, and non-Prime that Kaylee loved, possibly a boyfriend, though Josie claimed he volunteered to be sacrificed in the Offering Grove. I guess murder is a bit less seriously taken if it just means you get to wait for a few decades to be put in another body. So, basically, Josie decommissioned Kaylee, so, right now, there are just 6 active Primes: Russell, Simone, Miranda, Priya, Ryker, and Josie, but the other Primes don’t know about her yet. They wouldn’t be happy to know Russell and Simone skipped the line for their daughter – Miranda, in particular, would be pissed. They also don’t want the others to know about the whole killing thing, which is why all the sneaking had to happen. The Primes need the Earth people because they hope several of them are Nightbloods. It’s a reasonable assumption, but an incorrect one – but that’s not going to be important after what JC learns later about Abby’s ability to make Nightblood in the lab.

JC and Russell are kind of like Cage and Dante: Russell really likes to think of himself as a moral, noble guy, in spite of the horrible things he’s been doing for 236 years, so he has moral boundaries, such as, no bodyshatching without the hosts’ consent (it’s OK if you first brainwash people into worshipping you so that they will willingly sacrifice themselves and believe they’re becoming „one“ with the deity and that it’s a great honor), though he broke that rule for Josie; and no eugenics, which Josephine has been arguing for, even to the point that she wrote a book about it. From the immoral sociopathic POV, selective breeding really is the best and most obvious way to ensure the birth of new Nightbloods, but Russell insists he won’t treat human beings as cattle. (Even though he already does in many other ways?)  As in season 2, you find yourself wondering: should I be more on the side of the immoral sociopath, or the huge hypocrite? Answer: f*ck both of them.

I really hope Josephine’s science books contain the driest, most straightforward prose possible, because, while she’s brilliant in many ways, literary talent is certainly not one of her strength. „This Ferrari I’m wearing“? Fun line, but what a mixed metaphor.

So, yeah, as we all know Josephine finds Murphy cute rather than Bellamy, which was obviously thrown there to subvert viewer expectations, and stress once more how completely different she is from Clarke etc.… but „he’s cute“?! She’s 200 years old and she talks like a pre-teen? There’s been some discussion over whether the Primes ever really emotionally mature over their many lifetimes. Josephine doesn’t sound any more mature than she was in the flashback in 6x02, and come to think of it, Ryker kind of has an attitude that could fit a teenager. But I don’t think it has anything to do with brain maturity, they are in adult brains, and they certainly have experiences of multiple lifetimes and centuries. I think it’s a consequence of they way of life (similar to how people who, due to circumstances, still live with their parents and are supported by them way into adulthood tend to act younger than people who have adult responsibilities early in life): all the Primes are locked into the past (even with the way JC can’t stop using 21st century slang and references), and even new relationships they develop cannot last beyond one lifetime, while their relationships with each other can go on indefinitely. Kaylee acts like an adult, not a little girl, but her primary relationships are always going to be with her parents and brother, and, as we saw in 6x02, those familial relationships didn’t change at all: during the hijacking, the dad („younger man“) seemed to be telling the son/brother („handsome older gentleman“) what to do, and Momma Faye (the „younger woman“) was definitely in charge and ordering Kaylee around („Just push the damn buttons, Kaylee!“) and telling her with her dying breath that she has to save the heads, though Kaylee already knew that.

Speaking of all the time in the world that the Primes have had – couldn’t Russell and Simone have made an effort to learn Mandarin in all that time? You live so long and you never care to learn new skills and expand knowledge? What do they even do with their time? At least Josephine has been writing books.

I wonder when Gabriel decided to leave and became the enemy of the Primes. He must have had an attack of conscience, after having done such awful things. Of course, people who were developed by Gabriel from embryos they brought from Earth were the ones used as hosts for the Primes, and are also obviously where the entire human population of Sanctum came from. We also learned that 45 or 46 of little embryo girls (I don’t remember the exact number) died in his experiments before he managed to successfully implant Josephine’s mind into one of them, after realizing that the host has to have a fully developed, adult brain. (Was this also the case with the minds of Prime children – if Kaylee, her brother and Ryker were also killed during Russell’s killing spree?) And „consent is key“ wasn’t something Russell cared at the time, since he had no problem with Josie’s mind being implanted in the body of the obviously unwilling and horrified Brooke, who was fighting and screaming until Gabriel injected her with the paralyzing serum (now we know why it was initially developed). Apart from the effect of loneliness and isolation after so many (all?) of the other people in the mission were killed, Russell’s guilt over it, Gabriel’s obsession with Josephine, finding out at some point that Earth was no more (7 years after they came to the planet), another factor could have been that they had the same attitude towards clones as many people seem to have in real life – that they are somehow not „real people“ because they didn’t get conceived and born the regular way (what’s with all the talk of cloning as a way to harvest organs?!).

How did the Primes choose Jade to be the bodyguard of the hosts (and now JC, who doesn’t seem to need someone to protect her anyway)? Did they go „Let’s find the smallest person in this compound!“ But I have a feeling that „bodyguard“ is not exactly the best description of Jade’s job. It’s just what Diyoza called her, and it seemed like the closest term.  

In spite of all the new info about the Primes, this was an episode with strong character moments for Murphy, Abby (with important character revelations about both, about things that make them potentially most vulnerable to Josie’s manipulation), Octavia, Diyoza, Gaia, even some for Jackson, certainly for Jordan (it’s his best episode so far), and Bellamy had some good scenes, but in his case, this episode was a calm before the storm, leading up to the moment when realizes the horrible truth about JC.

Bellamy also deserves points for making plans to explore the planet (and pointing out how weird it is that the Sanctum people haven’t explored much of the planet for 236 years… really, what have they been doing? They’re content to stay locked in their small, narrow space and old habits), and go and found their own community somewhere, away from Sanctum, after learning the important things from them. Someone had to finally mention all these things, and those 400 people still on the ship. To be fair, they’ve only been in Sanctum for a few days and were mostly distracted by other things, including trying to get Sanctum people to accept them and teach them to survive.

Jordan has been fleshed out a lot in the last couple of episodes. We knew him as a sweet, optimistic manboy, and we learned of his brilliant scientific knowledge in the premiere, and sure, he could be naive and trusting, but in 6x04, we saw his sadness and feelings of guilt as he talked about his upbringing and his parents, and now we’ve seen him make the right conclusions and be the first person to pay attention to the suspicious things in Sanctum (which, I think, the others would have also noticed earlier if they hadn’t been so eager to see the Sanctum people as good and to find peace), and determined to investigate what’s going on, after realizing that his girlfriend really isn’t the same person anymore, literally. He had to face obstacles such as, others not taking him seriously (and dismissing him as just a naive guy who’s dealing with being dumped) and the extremely brainwashed Sanctum citizens, including even Delilah’s mother. Priya VII even tried to pacify him by claiming Delilah was happy, which sounds like BS, since we know that the Primes believe that the hosts are ’dead’, which means they have no clue what, if anything, the host is feeling.

However, I didn’t like Jordan’s line about „Heart Bellamy“ – that was too much like breaking the fourth wall, like Jordan was the stand-in for the fandom and the things they say about Bellamy pre- and post-Praimfaya (which I’ve been pretty fed up with, to the point I’m almost starting to hate all the „Head“ and „Heart“ mentions, since they’re used to ridiculously oversimplify the characters of both Bellamy and Clarke). I guess I can imagine Monty and Harper telling them that Bellamy told them on the ring he had to use his head more, to honor Clarke’s memory, because she told him to do that – but it’s still jarring.

When Jordan, Gaia, Bellamy and Murphy broke into the lab and found the videos, it may seem like it was way too easy and that all the info was just lying there waiting, but the fact that the Primes didn’t think they needed anyone to guard it shows how complacent they are, how much they’re used to everyone in Sanctum supporting them, except for a rare Child of Gabriel – and everyone including CoG knows what and who they are, so there’s no reason to guard the information, only to guard the Nightbloods/future hosts.

It was satisfying to see Gaia go from her attitude that every religion should be respected (which is, on one hand, nice in general in terms of tolerance, but also absurd if taken too far, like including cults, created by people who made themselves gods so they can oppress others), to being horrified by bodysnatching and the way the Primes have brainwashed an entire community to worship them and sacrifice people to them. She made the same points about the difference between the Flame and the mind drives that I talked about in my review of 6x04, including the fact that the former was created to help future generations with accumulated knowledge and advice (as it does not take over the host, who is still in control of their body), rather than to let people live forever. (Which was presumably Becca’s intention and the initial purpose for the mind drives, too – before Gabriel modified them so they could store the entire consciousness of a Prime, allowing them to live as the same person in a new body.)

But I also enjoyed Murphy’s snarky but truthful comments about the Grounder religion – the fact that they made children fight to the death for the right to become Commanders is incredibly messed up, too. And Becca was also not a god but a scientist who made herself Nightblood in the lab – although that would have been more relevant to the plot of 4x09 (where the Grounders were shocked by the „blasphemy“ of Clarke trying to pass her scientifically created Nightblood as the same thing as the Nightblood of the Commanders… which also came from a lab).

The reactions were interesting - Jordan was the voice of morality and humanity, but I think  almost everyone agreed with him, except for Murphy. He was the only one – other than Josephine – to defend the Primes and their way of life – and it kind of feels realistic that at least someone would be tempted by immortality as an option. It makes sense it’s Murphy, especially after his recent brush with death that made him think he saw what hell was like, and it also makes sense he would say that openly.

While Bellamy didn’t speak much during those scenes where the group was discussing their shocking discovery, he was, of course, agreeing with Jordan (as confirmed with his later comments to „Clarke“) – but he was, instead, focused on watching „Clarke’s“ surprising reactions. I think he was getting more and more suspicious of her throughout the episode, and since finding out about bodysnatching, he was starting to realize the horrible truth.

Let’s see how many times JC screwed up while playing Clarke:

She was uncomfortable when hugged by Madi, and then told her she can go to school, contrary to what Clarke told Madi in the previous episode. But Madi was just being a child and was happy to get what she wanted.

JC also, naturally, didn’t understand a word of what Gaia said in  Trig (to make it impossible for Jade to understand what she was saying), but she covered it reasonably well.

Saying „Chill out“ (21st century slang is not something people from the Ark are familiar with) was what caught Bellamy’s attention.

Then he asked her about her happy demeanour and the „fun“ she had with the doctor, referring to seeing her dance with Cillian at the club. Bellamy asking about these things isn’t exactly typical of him, either, but it’s interesting. He may not have even been fully aware where it came from, but to me, it sounded like he needed to know more: „So, uh, I’m glad you look happy, but is it because of the doc? Are you really into him? It’s not serious, is it? Please tell me it’s not? I’m just curious for… reasons“. But JC immediately assumed it was about sex, confirmed Clarke had sex with Cillian and was basically like „I banged him and I’m an animal in bed“. Which was one of the most non-Clarke things imaginable: talking openly about her sex life, and bragging about it, and to Bellamy of all people (the two of them have always avoided any talk about each other’s love life or sex life or each other’s love interests). But JC walked out thinking „Nailed it“!“ Bellamy seemed too busy being surprised, confused and dealing with all sorts of feelings and images in his head caused by her comment, so he probably didn’t suspect anything at this point.

JC made more blunders with Abby – including writing with her right hand, which Abby noticed; making a comment that Josephine was a „visionary“ when Abby calls her a monster, and having new knowledge that Clarke didn’t have. A lot of people are harsh on Abby because she didn’t figure it out. However, I think that’s unfair – she didn’t know about the bodysnatching, so she couldn’t put two and two together. The human mind tends to rationalize things it can’t make sense of. She was also very tired, after not having gotten any sleep (reading books from the library instead), and distracted.

Bellamy was getting suspicious when „Clarke“ argued that bodysnatching is „not murder if they go willingly“ and that the Sanctum people are not a danger to them (in spite of herself and Madi being Nightbloods). JC was at that point worried about being found out, so she made sure to take a vial of the paralyzing serum if she is found out. After she left, everyone focused on stopping Jordan from making trouble publicly, as he went to openly confront Priya.

The group talk in the bar was when I think Bellamy definitely had clear suspicions about „Clarke“. First she called Murphy „John“, which weirded out everyone, including Murphy and Jordan. But I think it was her arguments that they should just be OK with what the Primes were doing, and look away – that from „I want to save everyone“ Clarke – that sealed the deal. That and the „Eureka“ look on her face when she heard about Abby being able to make Nightbloods in the lab.

It would have been safer if Bellamy hadn’t confronted „Clarke“ on his own, but I think he desparately wanted his suspicion to not be true. He tested her with Trig – which is a good test, as it’s the one language no Sanctum person could know – and she guessed some of the meaning from the context the first time, but the second time, it was too specific even for her to figure it out (no matter how good with picking up languages she is). So JC was like, my cover is blown, why even pretend anymore, and started taunting him instead. Bellamy’s reaction, the shock and horror on his face, especially as JC confirmed her identity after paralyzing him, was heartbreaking, and made this the best scene in the episode. I cannot even imagine what reactions we’ll see from him in the following episodes. He already went through losing Clarke and believing her dead once before – but that was her heroic sacrifice. This was awful and done against her will. He is going to raise hell, and do everything to fight the Primes and get Clarke back – once he realizes that she is not completely gone.

Murphy naturally had to go along with Josephine for the time being, but is he really going to be on Josie’s side, or play a double agent and help his friends? I believe he will do the latter – he does care about Clarke, and the group, he wants to be a part of the family, and we’ve seen how much he’s changed and that he was willing to die and let the others save themselves in the season 5 finale. I think that he will be tempted for a while to accept the offer, because of his fear of death and hell, but will eventually choose his friends over immortality.

Another character who may be tempted in the next episode is Abby – as JC, pretending to be Clarke, will no doubt play on her desire to save Kane. However, that won’t work when Abby realizes that JC took Clarke’s body – and I doubt JC can keep up the ruse too long.

Many fans tend to talk about and judge Abby only in terms of her role as Clarke’s mother, but she is a character by herself, with her own trauma and issues that are not about being a mom. For the last two seasons, she has been struggling with the trauma and guilt from the Dark Year and her role in Blodreina’s rule. Her comment to Jackson, where she compared both him and herself to war criminals, made a good point: „I was just doing my job“/“I was just listening to orders“ is a poor excuse when you participate in crimes. And her desire to save Kane isn’t just because of romantic love, but also a reaction to that guilt, and on top of that, the guilt of failing Kane multiple times due to her addiction, and indirectly causing his injuries by indulging Vinson (a symbolic embodiment of her addiction and guilt over cannibalism). Kane and Abby have switched roles since season 1, and he has become her moral center. It’s because Kane’s response to feeling guilty was a healthy one: he decided to change his worldview completely and to start doing better. He tried to redeem himself through sacrifice in season 1, but he was never suicidal for the sake of it. But Abby doesn’t know how to deal with guilt, and gets crushed by it. When she feels she’s failed her own moral standards, she starts hating herself.  Her death wish at the time of Praimfaya was a result of guilt over the things she did trying to find a solution to save everyone, and her addiction in season 5 was also response to guilt. Now she’s come to the point where she thinks that she doesn’t deserve to survive, but Kane does. She’s made him a symbol of all that’s good in the world.

I’m really enjoying the scenes with Diyoza and Octavia. The two main enemies/villain leaders of season 5 are now on a rogue buddy trip. Diyoza has been amazing this season, but now I’m starting to be afraid she’s doing to die, after we get her backstory and she gives birth. And we really need to get her full backstory. She’s almost playing a mentor to Octavia now, because she had gone through similar things and understands where Octavia’s behavior comes from, maybe better than anyone else, but she’s rational and pragmatic where Octavia is impulsive and self-destructive. The different ways Diyoza and Octavia dealt with the live sand is the best example of the contrast between them. It was funny when Octavia said „At least I’m trying“ – she really didn’t get how the whole ’The harder you fight, the faster you die“ thing works! But Octavia has shown some of her old humanity, again – this time, by telling Diyoza to save herself and her baby – and, for the first time in a while, a desire to live, since she saved herself from the wave. Nothing like the danger of death to make you realize you don’t really want to die.

Interesting: the Children of Gabriel calling that live sand thing „The Crucible“ – another reference to Miller’s play (Gabriel’s favorite play! Banned by the Primes!). Do CoG identify with the unfairly accused people from that play?

Xavier’s motivations are becoming clearer – he is a rational, no-nonsense guy, just like Diyoza, and wants to get info from them rather than kill them.

I don’t know what the weird green wave is. A lot of people seem to think it has something to do with the Anomaly, but it could just be another phenomenon. I couldn’t even make out what exactly messed up thing it did to Octavia’s hand – did it age it up, suck out some of its life, or what.

Raven, Emori, Echo and Miller were MIA this episode since they were away – Ryker is showing Raven how to build a radiation shield, and the others are protecting them. Next episode, I hope to see more Emori (and Memori interaction). We know from the promo there will be Echo and Jade interaction (they could bond and compare notes on being the follower/servant who follows orders and doesn’t question them) there will also probably be more Raven and Ryker interaction; JC will try to manipulate Abby with Murphy’s help, but I doubt she’ll be able to fool her for a long time, and everyone should find out that she is not Clarke. And I’m sure we’ll learn that Clarke’s mind is really dormant rather than destroyed, and it will be interesting to see how she fights back inside her own mind and her friends and family try to save her, and hopefully kick JC’s and the Primes’ asses.

Rating: 8.5/10

[cherry-imagines]

Hello, i've just found your blog, I hope it gets more popular. Could I request how the SDC gang would be as parents?

Thank you, I really hope so too! Popularity would mean that people actually like my work and that is all a writer could ask ever ask for!

Joseph

• 3 words: pampering, pampering, pampering. He is going to pamper and spoil his child to infinity. They’ll have all the new toys, clothes, bottles, food… Everything. He knows he can afford all the best and that is exactly what he’ll do.

• He’d feel a bit weird at first, but would deal with being a parent pretty well. It’s not his first time, so he’s got plenty of experience up his sleeve.

• One thing he wouldn’t be prepared for would be the long nights though. Holly was a pretty calm baby and would only wake up once, if at all, throughout the entire night, so hearing his second child scream at half past four in the morning would come as a great surprise to him and, honestly, even as a slight annoyance at times. He would be quite stressed and would thus have slight troubles putting them back to sleep, but would soon find it worth it when he’d manage to put them into their bed, all tiny and absolutely adorable.

• His favorite period would probably be when they’re a toddler, still small and innocent, but growing more mischievous by the minute. He’d play with them all day long, causing all sorts of trouble, until they both become so tired they just collapse and fall asleep someplace together.

• He’d hate dealing with them when they’re a teenager though. He can’t stand the drama and mood-swings, and would probably end up making someone else deal with that instead of him. When he does have to deal with it, he’d act very annoyed at first, but would quickly get caught up in all the drama and would start throwing in his own remarks here and there. They’d badmouth his child’s classmates and acquaintances alike for hours at a time, and he’d soon start coming to his child to vent about his own problems. (They’d continue with this habit for the rest of their lives)

• He’d be a pretty amazing dad, really. He might not act very serious at times when he’s supposed to, but that will only work in his favor. His child will be able to relate to him more like that and it would definitely be the key to them becoming as close as they do.

Jotaro

• (Slightly angsty, just warning you)

• Honestly, Jotaro would be pretty bad at parenting.

• When his child’s still a baby, he’d be too afraid of hurting them to hold them long enough to just put them to sleep. He can be quite rough and is well aware of that, and would try to stay away from his child while they’re still so young in fear of somehow bringing harm upon them.

• He’d only muster up some confidence to hold them properly when they’re already old enough to support their own neck, and by that time they’d already feel much closer to their mother. (or a nanny, if the mother is gone. Jotaro would feel too insecure to raise a child alone and would definitely get one)

• He’d soon realize his child often cries while in his arms, doesn’t fall asleep with him as soon, or doesn’t eat as well, and would leave almost everything back to their other guardian. He’d feel like he doesn’t deserve to be in his child’s life and like he would just do an awful job at being a parent, and would only grow more and more distant.

• His child would grow up thinking he doesn’t love them, and he’d grow up thinking they don’t love him. It’d be a really bad relationship overall.

• He would have to receive an enormous push from someone close to him to try and fix their relationship. It’d be really shaky at first, but they’d both soon realize they have more in common than they’d like to admit.

• They’d only grow closer from that point onward, eventually reaching the bond only a father and child can share. They’d realize the bond is equally as strong even if achieved later in life, and they would be really grateful for that.

• Their relationship wouldn’t be a usual one, and definitely not a good one at first, but would grow into something great in time under the right circumstances.

Kakyoin

• The best father ever.™

• He’d be very gentle and cautious with his child, the most when they’re a baby. He’d be able to spend hours just carefully holding them in his arms, telling them how much he loves them and how thankful he is to have them in his life. He’d have the softest look on his face, just looking at them, feeling the happiest he’s ever been.

• Because of how alone he felt as a child, he didn’t really get the chance to live out his childhood the way he was supposed to. He would try to make up for that by doing as much as possible with his child as an equal.

• They’d have lots of fun when his child is younger, playing all sorts of games and doing practically everything together. They’d often be found walking together, eating ice cream (always with cherries on top for the both of them) or some other sort of sweet and planning out how they’ll spend the rest of the day. They’d be each other’s closest friends and it’d really be a sight to behold.

• He’d have a way of cheering up his child when they’re feeling down, knowing exactly what they want, that no one can really understand. He’d see them moping around and would immediately run off somewhere without letting out a single word, only to return later with just the thing they needed. Then he’d sit them down and ask them to tell him what’s wrong. He’d patiently listen to their problems and suggest ways to fix them or make them better. Those conversations would always end in his child thanking him with the biggest smile on their face and running off to follow their father’s advice. Kakyoin would be watching them from where he sat in pride with an equally happy grin on his face.

• He’d have a lot of trouble dealing with the mood-swings that come with puberty, not knowing what his child needs for the first time in his life and feeling like he can’t do anything right by them. The bond they built up before would become truly crucial at this point. It’d be his turn to sulk now, and his child’s to cheer him up. It will be like what they did when his child was younger, except it would be them to give him reassurance now. Just like he is able to comfort them, they’d never fail to convince him that he’s the best father anyone could ever ask for.

• They’d stay close for the entirety of their lives, removing every obstacle they come across and, most importantly, doing it together.

• He’d be his child’s best friend throughout their entire life.

Polnareff

• He would be a very caring and protective father.

• When they’re a baby, he’d spend a lot of time cuddling and cooing at them. He’d take lots of joy in feeding them, bathing them and playing with them. He’d roll over in laughter every once in a while, not being able to resist the urge to do so at their cute antics. They’re just so adorable.

• It’s another thing entirely when it comes to burping them and changing diapers though. The first time his child pukes on him after burping would cause him not to willingly attempt to do so for a while. When he finally makes up with the fact that it’s unavoidable, he’ll start burping them again, but the distaste would be very obvious on his face. He will never get used to the diapers though.

• When they’re older, he’ll still love playing with them, but would also grow to love talking to them. They’d be able to hold decent conversations at this point, and he’d ask them about their day every day after they come home from school. The closeness they’d build up at this time would be the thing that gets him through the teenage years in one piece, really.

• He’d soon start teaching them how to fight, trusting they’re old enough not to use the abilities they gain for bad. He’d only teach them self-defense at first, still a bit worried, but he’d make it his task to eventually teach them everything he knows so they can hopefully even surpass him one day.

• When his child’s a bit older, not much has changed. They’re still as close as ever, maybe even closer. They talk to each other every single day and do a lot of things together, a lot of Polnareff’s interests and habits rubbing off on them.

• He’d be an amazing father, just a tad overprotective, especially if his child is a girl. He would be in constant worry that the same thing that’s happened to his sister will happen to her too, and would refuse to let her out of his sight for a single moment.

• He’d be much less protective of his son, but would definitely start teaching him how to fight at a really young age, just to make sure he can properly defend himself.

Avdol

• The best father ever. No one can hold a candle to Avdol in terms of parenting. (except Kakyoin, those two would make absolutely amazing fathers)

• When his child is still a baby, his first instinct would be to shower them in affection. He would be a really loving father and there would rarely be a moment when he’d let them out of his arms.

• He’d do everything he can for his child in order to spend as much time with them as possible. (and to help the mother, if she’s alive/with them) He would feed them, burp them, cuddle them, bathe them and change their diapers, no matter how much he dislikes that last part of the job. It comes with being a parent and has to be done, so he won’t complain.

• Nothing would give him as much joy as putting them to sleep though. Even if it could sometimes be a task quite hard to carry out, and could last for hours at times, there is nothing quite like feeling your own child lay their head against your shoulder and fall asleep. He’d feel an overwhelming bond between them at that moment, relieved they trust him enough to fall asleep against him. He would truly feel like the love is equally strong on both sides at that moment, even though one is still too young to fully comprehend it. He might even shed a few tears of happiness the first few times this happens.

• He’d be a really calm and seemingly strict father, but under that mature mask hides just a little bit of mischief. He will scold his child for doing something bad or pulling a prank on someone in public, but would occasionally give them tips on how to improve and not get caught the next time afterwards.

• He would be the wise father. (if such a thing exists, but even if it doesn’t, it does now) His child would really look up to him and think of him as the wisest person in the world. They’d be in awe of how he can easily answer every single question they throw his way. They’d feel incredibly lucky to have a smart father who is never too harsh with them, and even when he is, he’d make sure they fully understand why he’s being hard on them.

• He would bond with his child as they grow and get more and more mature, because the more grown-up they get, the better they can understand him. They would become truly inseparable later in life, and his child would often come to him in need of advice, or just someone to talk to. Avdol would be more than happy to oblige both.

• In conclusion, there’d be a really strong bond between him and his child that’d last an entire lifetime.

Bonus:

Joseph

• I think Joseph would only have one (legitimate) child other than Holly, and I have a feeling it would be a girl as well.

Jotaro

• I can also see Jotaro having only one more child along with Jolyne, but being equally distant towards both. He’d make sure their name starts with a “Jo” too because it’s become pretty much a family tradition to do that at this point.

Kakyoin

• I can see Kakyoin wanting a lot of children, but at the same time being very afraid he’ll leave at least one feeling unloved or like he doesn’t spend enough time with them, so he would just tell himself it’s a bad idea. His S/O would have to be quite convincing to get him to try for more, but when his next child is born, he’d feel like he’s in heaven. He’d find that he can balance both really well and would ask his S/O if they’d be willing to try for one more not too long after their second child is here.

• I think he’d have 2-4 children, his first child would be a boy and at least one would be a daughter.

Polnareff

• I can honestly see him having twins, but if not twins then an older daughter and a younger son. He’d definitely end up naming his daughter Sherry, after his sister, or at least making it her middle name. or he’d name her Marylou because of Michel Polnareff’s song

Avdol

• I can see him wanting a lot of children, just like Kakyoin, but without the fear of them feeling left out by him. He’s full of love and not afraid to share it. He’d just be slightly worried about finances, but that’s nothing to worry about when you have a big and happy family. He’d be alright with having 6 children at most, but is really more than alright with it if his S/O wants much less lol

I wanted to write how they’d be with a child who also has a stand ability too, but I realized it’d be just too long if I did that… 😔👌

Hope you liked these! 💖

[ofsalvo-a-blog]

"   do you know what it feels like to wake up everyday   ,   knowing that you hate what you do and it’s slowly killing you from the inside   ?   and yet   ,   death follows me everywhere   ---   reminding me that causing chaos and destruction is all i’m good at doing   . . .   who am i if i’m not death’s wicked scythe   ?   “

preface   :   this isn’t a post condoning my muses behaviors or actions   .   i’m fully aware of the things she does and i do not   ,   what so ever   ,   condone them   .   this is a post that took me about half an hour to realize and actually say it out loud   .   it’s about an internal struggle   ---   one of the major internal struggles that mia has   .

i have recently spoken to my therapist about my muse because she’s been an important figure in my life for about four years now   .   i created her in 2014 when i was in a deep depression and needed an outlet to cope with what i was feeling   .   a few questions were asked   :   who is she   ?   what do you love about her   ?   etc   . . .    now immediately i went ahead and explained how much i love mia because she’s like my child (   a fictional one   ,   but one of my own creation and i am very protective of her   )   .   mia on the outside and what you first notice is a woman of mystery   ,   someone who is guarded and of course a dangerous person   .   deadly and beautiful   ,   as some might describe   .   when going into her background and her story   ,   how she developed into the woman you see now   .   the question was asked of me again   .   what do you love about her   ?   the question was asking me to delve deeper and think hard about what i feel about my muse   .   i explained that she is a bad person because of what she does   ,   that she does many things that most normal people wouldn’t do   .   but despite everything she does   ,   she hates it because it feels naturally   ,   unnatural to her to do some of the things she does that are deemed evil or bad   .   but unfortunately   ---   it is the only thing she knows how to do   .   mia was never a normal person after her parents died   ---   she lost her innocence and her childhood   .   

again   ,   that same question was asked of me   .   was i not getting to the point or was i missing something   .   apparently   ,   i was   .   mia is someone who is inherently a good person   ,   but was molded into the person she was today   .   she has good qualities about her that stand out   ,   one being her compassionate nature   ---   almost merciful depending on the circumstances   .   she was always a caring individual because   ,   despite all that has happened to her   ,   that kindness was brought out of her when she lived in the children’s village   ,   with the help of sister caterina (   who was like a mother figure for her   )   .   so you can see why she would have this internal struggle and the problems she faces personally because of what she does   .

it is no secret that mia was molded into this “   perfect weapon   “   .   she was trained to become someone who couldn’t risk any second thoughts or apathy towards someone   .   when a job needs to be done   ,   that’s it   ---   there’s no second-guessing   .   emotions can and will get you killed in the line of duty   ,   considering her part as an agent for pandora   .   during those times it was for the protection of her country and in some other ways   .    the protection of others across the world   .   and because she is naturally a very sympathetic and apathetic person   .   she needed to detach herself from what is inherently good about her   .   and by detaching herself   ,   she becomes mildly sociopathic   .   no emotion   ,   no sympathy   ,   no regrets and in most cases no conscience  .   and this act slowly rips her apart as an internal struggle continues even after she goes rouge   .   

so you can see why mia has internal struggles   ,   she’s a good person   ,   she means well no matter what and she has a moral code that she follows whenever she takes on an assignment   .   she once obtained a healthy heart (   by stealing it from a hospital   ) for a little boy who was the son of a boss of the italian mafia   .   she has done rescue assignments   ,   killed bad men to free women or destroy artillery to save people   .   mia has a lot of guilt if and when innocents are caught in the crosshairs   .   she is a “   mercenary   “   ,    a   “   fixer   “   ---   but she never does things for the money   .   she does this because it’s what she’s good at   .   she doesn’t believe she can adapt to a normal life   ,   even if she willingly chose to do it   .   though the thought has crossed her mind   .   

this is her least favorite thing to do    .   she hates taking a life and hates doing what she does  .   she doesn’t find any of this fun or enjoyable   .   

but no matter what   ,   there is a chance to be merciful   ---   to do good   ,   to give back and have a conscience   .   could it get her killed   ?   sure it can   ,   she already sees she’s already a dead woman walking anyway   .   but then again   ,   how can you help to be who you are   ?   and naturally all of this has given her even more internal struggles   .   how to cope   ,   how to deal with the aftermath   ,   how to weigh her conscience appropriately   . . .   it isn’t abnormal for mia to attach herself or make a connection with someone   .   but then also begins to fear that her life will poison them or in fact   ,   get them killed   .   though that will not stop her from stopping herself from forming any kind of relationship   .   in the end   ,   she’s just another human being who was dealt a real shitty hand of cards   .   mia wasn’t meant for this life and she is so much more than who she portrays herself to be   .   more than being a killer   ,   more than being some cold-hearted bitch   ,   more than anything “   evil   “   .   

[frauleinsmaria]

Chance Encounters

Based on the prompt “I don’t know who you are but we keep running into each other on the street and getting into screaming arguments over the stupidest things and I’m actually looking forward to our next meeting bc you’re annoying as hell but damn you’re hot and it’s kind of fun to argue with you”

Written for my match for the Captain Swan Spring Fic Formal. Surprise @welllpthisishappening! Laura, I’ve had so much fun interacting with you over the past few weeks- although it’s been hard to make sure I didn’t reveal myself talking to you elsewhere 😂 You’re such a wonderful presence in this fandom and I’m so glad I got to be paired with you. I know you like both friends and enemies to lovers and lots of banter, so I hope you enjoy reading this lil fic as much as I enjoyed writing it <3 

Also thanks @distant-rose and @awkwardnessandbaseball for getting the @csficformal together! It’s been a blast

Also on AO3

It’s certainly not how he expects his Monday morning to start.

It shouldn’t surprise him though, considering the direction his day is already heading in from the moment he wakes up. A power outage in his apartment building the night before causes his alarm clock to reset, meaning he wakes up less than half an hour before he’s supposed to leave for work. He cuts himself shaving thanks to being in a hurry and hopes no one will notice the nick on his chin. He goes to make his regular cup of coffee after getting dressed and realizes he ran out of coffee beans over the weekend and forgot to buy more.

His last resort is leaving everything else he needs to do as is so he has time to stop by the coffee shop on his way to the office. Of course it’s not his biggest priority, but he’s already heard about the workload Regina has waiting for him today and knows he won’t be able to deal with it properly without some kind of caffeine.

Thankfully, the line this morning is short, and he’s able to order his drink and be on his way quickly. But it’s just his luck that his phone vibrates with a text from Liam as he’s turning to head out the door, and he’s reading it when he collides with a wall and spills coffee on the front of his white shirt.

“Damn it!”

Whoops, not a wall. A woman, and a very angry one at that, judging by the expression on her face and the similar coffee stain she now sports on her own grey blouse.

Killian shakes his head as the shock wears off and takes in the death stare he’s receiving from the blonde in front of him. She’s holding a drink in her hand as well, but most of it still seems to be in the cup rather than on their clothes like his. “I’m terribly sorry, love. I should have been paying more attention to what I was doing.”

“Yeah, you should have,” she snaps, pulling a napkin out of her purse and attempting to clean up the mess she’s wearing.

There’s a snarky comment on the tip of his tongue, but he manages to hold back and tries to think of a way to be the bigger person here.

“Love, if there’s anything I can do-”

“The best thing you can do right now is to leave me alone so I can go before I’m later for work than I already am. And I’m not your love.”

Any desire he has to be polite is out the window as the the events of the morning all catch up to him. “With that attitude, I’m bloody glad you aren’t!”

“So am I!” She turns on her heel and leaves the coffee shop before he has a chance to say anything else.

By some stroke of luck, he’s able to make it through the day without any other mishaps.

But he can’t explain why the thought of the annoying blonde from the coffee shop stays in his mind long afterwards.

-/-

It’s Thursday afternoon when Killian runs into her again- not literally this time, thank goodness. He’s on his lunch break, headed to the gym near his office when he sees her leaving the building as he’s walking up. She glances in his direction briefly when she sees him, doing a bit of a double take as she realizes where they’ve seen each other before.

“Afternoon, love.”

She makes a sour face. “I thought we established that I’m not your love,” she reminds him, using her fingers to draw air quotes around the word.

“Sorry, lo- lass,” he corrects himself. “Just a habit I suppose.” He blames it on Liam; their mother made quite the effort to ensure the two of them both had adequate manners, and he’d enforced the same ideals on Killian long after she passed.

But it’s clear by her unwavering expression that she doesn’t buy it. “Whatever.” It’s not unlike her reaction a few days earlier when he’d tried to apologize for the coffee incident.

As much as he wants to ignore her and go about with his day, something keeps him there. He’d be lying to himself if he said it wasn’t at least partly attraction; he hadn’t paid much attention to her in the coffee shop thanks to the circumstances, but now he can’t seem to focus on much besides blonde hair, green eyes, and the black and white outfit she’s clearly just finished a workout in judging by the way it sticks with sweat to her thin frame.

And yet, while he’ll willingly admit to finding her attractive, there’s something else- maybe it’s the attitude she’s developed toward him, or her unwavering stubbornness, he doesn’t know- that keeps him from letting things alone like he normally would. “Do you always act like this when someone tries to apologize or be nice to you?”

Killian watches as her jaw sets and sees he’s struck a cord, although he can’t say whether or not it was unintentional. “Do you always butt into other people’s business?”

“Regardless, it seems yours isn’t worth my time.” She rolls her eyes and walks away from him for the second time.

His annoyance with her is just the motivation he needs for his workout, but like the time before, his thoughts stay occupied with the woman he knows nothing about, aside from the fact that she must be some kind of a force to be reckoned with.

He can’t decide whether she intrigues or irritates him more.

-/-

The next Tuesday is when Killian becomes convinced that the universe hates him.

He’s walking to work, sans coffee after finally replenishing his stock at home, when he catches a familiar glimpse of blonde hair coming out of a store as its owner taps away at her phone. He doesn’t try to get her attention; she’s not exactly his biggest fan as it is, and bothering her for no reason certainly won’t change that.

It doesn’t matter how honorable his intentions are, though, since she notices him when she glances over her shoulder not a moment later. She stops in her tracks and he hears her groan as he’s walking up.

“Are you following me or something? Because I have a gun and-”

Killian holds a hand up to stop her. “Not to worry, lass.” (He’s remembered what not to call her this time.) “Believe it or not, it seems that you and I are yet again the victims of mere coincidence.”

“Seriously? Who talks like that?”

“A person who’s about as thrilled with our recent pattern of encounters as you are.”

“I’m not making you walk beside me to chat, you know! I think you and I both have better things to do.”

“Finally something we can agree on. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

He wastes no time leaving her behind and getting to work just as fast as he can. He’s annoyed yet again, something he’s convinced will be a common theme whenever he runs into her. But, bloody hell, he still can’t answer the question as to how and why she’s managed to get both under his skin and stuck in his mind so easily.

-/-

Killian goes a week without running into her after their last encounter on the street. He feels relieved considering how things between them are all but guaranteed them to go- or, at least, he thinks he does. It’s Liam that brings it to his attention when they’re at The Rabbit Hole sharing a drink after work.

“Looking for someone, are you?” his brother asks, seeing Killian’s eyes go to the bar’s entrance when the bell above the door chimes. A group of women arrive together, but he quickly loses interest in the redheads and brunettes.

He shakes his head as he takes a drink. “No. What makes you ask?”

Liam doesn’t look convinced. “Every time we’ve been out over the past few weeks, you seem to be waiting for someone else to show up. Not only that, but you’ve been examining every blonde within a mile’s radius, and I’d like to know just why.”

“You’re not going to leave me alone about this, are you?”

“Not a chance in hell.”

“Alright then.” Killian pauses as he tries to figure out how to explain his recent series of meetings to his brother. “To make a long story shorter: there’s this woman-”

“I knew it,” Liam mutters under his breath.

“There’s this woman,” he continues, ignoring him. “I haven’t the slightest idea who she is, but we keep running into each other and always end up having some petty argument before we part ways, only to see each other a few days later and do the same thing all over again.”

“Huh. And just what exactly are you and this lass always arguing over?”

“That’s just it; it’s usually just mindless bickering because I seem to annoy her as much as she does me.”

“Is she pretty?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Just a question.”

Killian rolls his eyes, but mutters, “Aye. Very much so.”

A moment of silence passes as Liam taps at the side of his glass and processes everything Killian’s just told him. “Well, I wish I could think of something to say to help you out, but all I’ve got is that you’re making this situation much more difficult than it needs to be.”

“How?! It's not like I'm intentionally trying to run into her.”

“No, but it doesn't sound as if you're trying to avoid her, either,” Liam argues. “Just admit it, Killian: you like her.”

“I don't bloody know her well enough to like her!”

“Maybe you should get to know her then. What’s that saying, opposites attract? She could end up surprising you.”

Killian wants nothing more than to argue with his brother and insist his suggestion is ridiculous. But as much as it pains him to admit it, he's up for having another run in with her just to see if there’s a way to make it out without yelling or sarcastic remarks. He doesn't tell Liam all of this, only says, “Maybe I’ll think about it. Maybe.”

He can already tell from the smug look on Liam’s face that he's going to get an I told you so if things turn out in his favor.

-/-

It's only three days later when he thinks maybe the universe doesn't hate him after all.

He's only been at work for a little over an hour, things going relatively well for a Friday morning, when there's a knock on his office doo. He looks up from his seat behind the desk to see his boss in the doorway.

“Regina, something I can do?”

To Killian’s surprise, the brunette actually smiles at him. He can't tell if it's genuine or not, but it's a smile just the same. Those can be far and few between where Regina Mills is concerned.

“Yes. But first, there's someone I'd like for you to meet.” She steps to the side and Killian has to bite his tongue to keep from cursing. “This is Emma Swan. Miss Swan, this is Killian Jones, one of our top family law attorneys.”

Her eyes widen as she recognizes him, but she doesn't say anything other than a quick, “Nice to meet you” and shakes his hand when he stands and offers it to her.

“Killian, Miss Swan is here for Humbert’s Bail Bonds. She’s looking for some information regarding the Lewis case from a few weeks ago; I figured you would be the one she needed to see.”

She's not wrong, the file he'd used to hold the casework from a messy child support ordeal is still in the top drawer of his desk where he'd left it once the trial was over. “Yes, I'm sure I can help with whatever's necessary.”

“Good to know,” Regina answers. “I'm due for a meeting downstairs, so I'll leave you to it.” The blonde- Emma- thanks her as she walks away, leaving the two of them alone in his office.

“So, the Lewis case, eh? I hope that's an incident I don't have to repeat any time soon,” he says, going through the desk drawer and pulling out the file she needs. He gestures for her to sit down as she takes it from him.

“Yeah. I'm the one who tracked the husband down, and my boss apparently needs the rest of the case information to turn over to his boss for one reason or another.” Her eyes scan over the words on the pages before she pulls a small notebook out of her purse and begins to scribble notes on a blank page.

Killian waits for her to say something about their past meetings; some kind of sarcastic remark, at least. But to his surprise, her focus stays on her work for the ten or fifteen minutes she's there, occasionally asking a question or two about his work or making a comment about the weather. Either she wants to avoid a confrontation, or she actually doesn't recognize him. The second option seems unlikely, but still believable.

Emma hands him back the Lewis file once she's collected all the information she needs. “I appreciate your help.”

“It was my pleasure,” he answers, for once remembering not to refer to her as love.

“Oh, and Mr. Jones?” She stops at the door. “It was...surprisingly nice to have a conversation with you without any yelling.”

She's out the door and gone before the “bloody hell” has a chance to leave his lips.

-/-

It doesn’t take long for Killian to think that maybe the universe does in fact hate him after all, because having a name to go with the face only makes it that much harder to get Emma Swan out of his head.

They’re still all but strangers- knowing the other’s name and workplace doesn’t exactly count as having an acquaintance- but he had to admit that he could accept the idea of that changing. Seeing they were capable of having a pleasant conversation has him believing that it’s possible, if only barely so. He toys around with the idea of somehow trying to get more information about her from Regina, but that could likely end with both women angry at him, his boss for using her influence the wrong way and Emma for going out of his way to get to know her.

Things soon take another turn and make him wonder just what kind of ridiculous dream he's stuck in.

Liam talks him into going to his girlfriend’s sister’s birthday party the next Friday night. He doesn't want to go- socializing with a crowd of mostly strangers isn’t something he goes out of his way to do- but he likes Elsa, and Anna seemed like a nice girl from the few times they've met, so he agrees. He and Liam show up at Elsa’s apartment precisely at seven, a bottle of wine tucked under his brother’s arm.

It should be no surprise that Emma’s is the first face he sees after Elsa lets them in.

She’s standing in the hall talking to a brunette with a pixie cut, laughing at something the other woman has said when she notices him and pauses. They’ve gotten so good at this now that she doesn’t have to wonder who he is or where she’s seen him anymore, especially thanks to her office visit. Speaking to her hasn’t always been the greatest idea, but he’s not about to waste the chance if she is indeed warming up to him. He tells Liam he’s going to speak to someone, but she’s standing right in front of him when he turns back around.

“Jones?”

“Yes, it seems we meet again.”

“What are you doing here?” she asks.

“What are you doing here?”

“I asked you first.” He catches a glimpse of her quizzical expression as she takes a sip from the beer bottle she’s holding.

“Elsa is my brother’s girlfriend.”

“You’re Liam’s brother?!”

“You know him, too?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s tried to give me your number more than once.”

“Oh, bloody hell.” He glances over his shoulder at Liam who’s trying- and failing- to pretend he hasn’t been watching them. To think he’d already talked to his brother about her at the bar that night and he’d already known who she was.

“Yeah. But I don’t like it when my family and friends try to set me up with other people, so I thought I’d be nice and return, er, I guess not return the favor.” He can tell she was trying to save him from an unpleasant experience she’s likely had in the past, but it might be her way of letting him know she wouldn’t be interested regardless. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t deflate his confidence a bit. “Er, so how do you know Elsa and Anna?”

“They’re friends with my sister-in-law,” she answers, nodding her head towards the woman she’d been standing with earlier, who smiles when she sees them looking her way.

“Ah. It’s a small world, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Smaller than I thought.”

Killian chooses his next words carefully. “I would offer to get you a drink, but it seems that’s unnecessary,” he gestures to the one she already has.

“Maybe so, but rumor has it Elsa’s got pizza in the kitchen, and I haven’t had dinner yet.” Emma raises an eyebrow, indicating this is his chance and he’d better take advantage of it now.

“Give me five minutes.”

“I like pepperoni!”

-/-

“How long are you giving Liam to finally pop the question?”

“Honestly, love? I’m quite surprised he hasn’t already. Perhaps he’s worried Elsa won’t say yes.”

“Are you kidding? Look at her; she’s as much of a lovesick puppy as he is.”

Killian follows her eyes to where the couple stands outside together on the balcony, completely oblivious to everyone else around them. “Aye. They seem to be quite the good match for each other.”

“They remind me of David and Mary Margaret in that way; I couldn't have picked anyone more suited for either of them.” He senses a bit of disappointment in her words, but she doesn’t elaborate on the subject, and he doesn’t ask.

She’s asking about his job and the law firm when her phone vibrates. “It’s my boss,” she groans after taking a look at the screen. “Give me a sec?” He nods as steps out to answer.

Emma’s back not a minute later, frowning. “Sorry, I have to bail. A skip I’ve been tracking for almost a month was just spotted downtown, and my boss wants me to grab the jerk before he tries to run again.”

“Not a problem, lass,” he tells her, attempting to mask his own disappointment. “I can tell you put a lot of effort into what you do.”

“Yeah, maybe sometimes too much,” she mumbles, getting her purse and jacket from the seat beside him. “I guess I’ll see you around, Killian.”

He smiles as he watches her leave because he knows she’s probably right.

-/-

She’s right.

They cross each other’s paths three times over the next two weeks, twice at the coffee shop where they first unofficially met- with no coffee spilt either time, thankfully- and then at a local carnival that Liam has yet again coerced him into going to. (Killian thinks later that his brother wouldn’t need to go to so much effort to get him to do things if he knew Emma would be there.) Each encounter they’ve had since the party has been much different than the first few; although they both have a dry sense of humor and are too sarcastic for their own good, there has yet to be an instance that involves yelling or has someone convinced they hate the other.

It’s gotten to the point now that he’s begun to think of Emma as more than just a regular acquaintance, but maybe even a friend: He texts her corny jokes when she’s bored during a stakeout and she’s taken to willingly sitting at his table when they show up at the same restaurant for lunch. They haven’t gone as far as to share the more painful details of their pasts, but he’s convinced her background must closely mirror his own somehow based on her demeanor when something along the lines of childhood or family comes up in conversation. She always changes the subject or gives some kind of vague answer and he knows better than to push the subjects any further. It’s evident she’s been through quite a bit in her life and he sees no reason to make her reminisce any more than she already does.

And, yes, he likes her. A lot, if he’s being honest. And it’s just his luck that he realizes it about the same time Liam does.

“Why not ask her out already? The worst thing she can do is say no.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Killian groans. “I can’t complain; I’m lucky we’re even able to be friends considering the way we met.”

“And you’re always going to wonder what could have been if you don’t take that chance.”

Liam’s words stick with him for quite some time afterwards because he knows he’s right. Emma may hate him for going through with this, but he may come to hate himself even more for being a coward.

It’s Monday night when he goes over to Emma’s apartment after leaving the office.

“Hey, Killian,” she greets him when she comes to the door. “What brings you by?”

“Go out with me?”

“What?” The dumbfounded expression on her face makes him regret not thinking this through.

“Sorry, love, it’s just I know we didn’t exactly start off on the right foot, but I’ve found myself becoming more and more fond of you and I was wondering if...oh, bloody hell,” he curses, running a hand through his already unkempt hair. She was definitely going to say no. “You know what, Swan, forget it. I’ll just go.”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry for botheri- wait, what?” He can’t have heard her correctly.

“Yes.” Emma smiles. “I was hoping you would ask eventually.” She leans forward and presses a kiss to his cheek before turning to go back into her apartment. “Tomorrow night, pick me up at seven. I’ll be waiting.”

Liam yells “I bloody told you so!” when he calls him on the way home. Killian’s too thrilled to care.

[fanfic-scribbles]

On the Run: Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten: “Awkward Spaces” or “Gonna Keep Movin’” (or “Sam Wilson Is Too Good to Have to Deal with This Shit”)

Masterlist Here

Overall Story Facts:

Fandom: MCU Avengers; MCU Captain America

Adventure/Romance – James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes/Reader – Female Reader

Warnings: Violence, language, eventual romance, reader character with sassy/abrasive personality

Chapter Summary: Sam is the most well-adjusted person in his immediate group of friends and that is terrifying.

Special Chapter Warnings: Chapter told in present tense with flashbacks to the past in italics

Words: 3655

A/N: This is a chapter set in the present with parts in the past. Tense shifts are also marked with tildes ~Like so~. Sorry if this chapter is weird; this is the first outside POV that has quite a bit of Reader character in it as well so while it is still 2nd person it’s limited on Sam. Fun, interesting, but kind of hard to juggle. Also adding to the mix, I broke format a little bit (sorry Sam) by slipping into the Reader’s POV at the very end because it’s important. Sort of. Mostly? It’s– eh, you’ll see it when you get there. Please enjoy.

PS: To the anon who asked if we’re getting a POV chapter from a certain someone…I have only very vague plans so I don’t want to overpromise (I don’t post things I don’t like and it might be crap, who knows) but as of right now: yes. It is in the works ;)

  Chapter Ten: “Awkward Spaces” or “Gonna Keep Movin’”

  Sam has seen some shit in his life. Dealt with some severely uncomfortable circumstances over the years, even before he joined the Avengers, even before he started leading group therapy at the VA, even before he shipped out. He’s been in life or death situations, more than he can count, and he’s talked people off the edge– both figurative and literal. People have always commended him for having a cool head under pressure and knowing what to do even if he doesn’t know what to say.

All of that, however, and he still feels insultingly unprepared to deal with the level of awkwardness that comes from a centenarian assassin’s best friend and maybe-girlfriend fighting through silent treatment. Honestly, he’s been through high school, he should be able to handle this.

“Hey, uh…” Steve starts to say. You glance at him and he stops. You both stop. You all stop. Steve scratches his head, mumbles “never mind,” and starts leading the way again.

And yet.

“I’m going to scout ahead,” Natasha announces. Sam does not whimper, but Natasha throws a merciless smirk at him and disappears into the bowels of the underground shelter. Sam isn’t sure if you or Steve even notice. Well, Steve probably does, but he shows no sign of caring and neither do you; you both just gravitate to opposite sides of the hallway like repulsed magnets. Sam tries to tell himself that this isn’t any more awkward than that one time Clement and Singh had that little fling that made the whole unit–

Except that it totally is. Clement and Singh were professionals and pissed off so at least the tension got let out in arguments and a truly memorable sparring session. You and Steve though, you dance around each other like you’re trying to figure out how to apologize while waiting for the other person to apologize, both, and goddamn if that isn’t making it even worse.

Sam sighs and it’s the loudest noise in the room since Natasha pranced on out of there. It even grabs Steve’s attention. “Anything interesting?” Sam asks like everything is fine and peachy.

Steve frowns and shakes his head. He relaxes a miniscule amount and opens his mouth but his eyes flick to the side, just over Sam’s shoulder, and he clamps it shut again. Sam looks to see you’ve gravitated closer but your attention is on a box you’re poking with your foot. You look up and see Steve. The two of you immediately turn your backs on each other and go in opposite directions.

Sam isn’t sure what he’s done to deserve this but he’s really, really sorry.

  ~Past~

Sam sits on the couch with a plate of breakfast and eats. Slowly.

On the other end of the couch, James Buchanan Barnes bears the scrutiny of Sam’s sharp gaze. But then, at one point, he squirms. Sam raises both eyebrows but the slight movement might as well have been a trick of the light, for how the ex-assassin stills again. Barnes turns his head and stares ahead at nothing and Sam goes back to his food, keeping his eyes on the other man’s profile.

“I’m sorry I broke your car.”

It’s quiet but Sam hears it. He’s too busy chewing to acknowledge it and he might not even do that even if his mouth wasn’t occupied. Yeah, the car. When Natasha had jumped up front, shoving Steve and Sam away from the bullets aimed at their heads.

“And tore your wings.”

They were good wings; strong, and Barnes had pulled one off like it was paper. Sam sips his juice.

“And kicked you off the helicarrier.”

Where he fell, hurtling through the air and trying to get a hold of himself even as a dark voice whispered in the back of his mind that he deserved this; that this weightless fear was something Riley had to suffer and so should he. But then he had landed and it was so much worse, knowing Steve was up there without backup, and the guilt had piled on when they found him, beat to hell and shot, and Captain America had lain like a man dying. Because he was.

But Steve’s alive, ultimately, because Barnes broke the programming. And as James Barnes sits in Avengers tower, willingly in the middle of the room where he can be approached on all sides, physically holding himself from fidgeting –or running– Sam has to concede he sees nothing of that murderous machine he had braced himself to face. Barnes looks like he’s been eating better, like he showers and cleans up fairly regularly, and his eyes hold a soul to them that would probably hesitate when told simply to kill. He looks human.

Sam settles back against the cushion and sets his plate aside. It’s a start.

  ~Present~

After some soul searching, Sam has decided that he hasn’t done anything for the universe to have it out for him, but apparently the same cannot be said for Natasha. He’s not sure what he did to her specifically, but he’s fairly certain he doesn’t deserve this.

“Go ahead.”

“No, you go. Take the hot water while it’s there; Natasha used up a lot of it.”

“That’s why you should go first.”

“God; I’m trying to be nice. Why are you so fucking stubborn?”

“I’m stubborn?”

Sam’s eyes roll back into his head and he resists the urge to yell that yes, they both are, and knock it off or so help him God– but he doesn’t, because he knows the kind of reaction that will get and he doesn’t want to deal with your verbal insults or Steve’s ‘how could you do this to me Captain America is sad and disappointed now’ pouting.

So instead he gets up, grabs his towel, and stays long enough in the shower for the water to become lukewarm. Satisfied with his passive-aggressive tactic, he dries off and dresses and comes out to Steve speaking in a low tone. He resolves himself to ignore the both of you until he actually hears you laugh.

“You’re such an asshole,” you say, but you sound delighted.

“Yeah, it was pretty funny,” Steve chuckles.

The hotel room looks the same, yet Sam has to wonder if he has somehow stepped into an alternate universe. He really, really likes this universe and thinks a quick prayer of thanks for the mercy.

“So what did he do?”

“You mean after he did the splits, or during?”

“Both, both!”

“Well, Bucky was pretty well steamed, but I got a lot of good mileage out of that. He– oh, I just remembered this time in France when that came up again…”

Sam lets out a little snort. It figures your bonding point would be over Bucky’s misery. Not that the guy doesn’t deserve it. And even though you and Steve are still on opposite ends of the room, Steve isn’t sitting quite so stiff and you’re laid out on the bed, listening to an old war story that Bucky will probably kill Steve for telling.

It’s progress, Sam thinks, and goes to take Steve’s patrol since he’s otherwise occupied.

  ~Past~

It’s been a month or so since Bucky’s sudden arrival and things mostly go back to how they have. Pepper is working hard with Phil to make Bucky’s presence not a complete media and legal nightmare so he hangs around, sometimes like a ghost, and sometimes like Steve’s own shadow. Sam has come around to him, if not warmed completely. As relaxed as Sam strives to be, even he finds it hard to warm quickly to someone who tried to kill him and his friends. He’s trying, but Sam sometimes wakes feeling Natasha’s warm blood soaking into his shirt.

Not tonight though. This one is a hundred percent Riley and Sam hasn’t had a dream this bad in a while. He’s done everything he can think of to come down but it hasn’t worked, so he’s in the gym at two in the morning, circling through machines for anything that will wear him down. Steve left on a diplomatic mission the other day, so Sam isn’t surprised when Bucky comes around and starts going to town on the punching bags. Aside from nods of acknowledgement, they don’t interact, going through their own routines but eventually ending up on treadmills near each other.

Sam isn’t opposed to getting to know the guy, just appropriately wary, and they’ve had a few stilted conversations by now. He can do this. “Are you staying up late or getting an early start?”

Bucky snorts and flashes a quick glance at him. “You coming after the honor of being my keeper? Careful; Rogers’ll get jealous.”

There’s no malice in his tone, just a dry humor, and Sam can really get behind that. “I’m just wondering if Steve’ll be getting a date for his morning runs so he’ll finally let me sleep in peace.” If only Sam had known Steve had been literal about the ‘late start’ on that fateful morning run all those months ago.

Bucky gets a crooked smile that must have been the basis for all those stories Steve has for how Bucky was the most eligible bachelor on the block. “If I gave in he’d take that as a victory and just get more annoying.”

“Ah, well can’t have that.”

“Damn right. Better to stay in bed.”

Sam smiles and turns up the speed. “You doing all right with Steve gone?”

But Bucky snorts and answers like it doesn’t bother him none. “Any more mother henning this week and I’d’ve decked him.”

“Do you want me to talk to him?”

Bucky blinks in surprise and then turns his head, expression changing to become suspicious. Man but that glare is something else. Unperturbed, (Tony and Clint are still alive, so Sam is almost certain Bucky doesn’t kill based on how annoying someone is), Sam raises his hands. “I know you can handle yourself but man, those baby blues are deadly. How you think he gets me out of bed at six on a Saturday?”

Bucky loosens up and looks ahead again. “Nah, it’s fine,” he says, a little more quietly. “Gotta let him work it out of his system.”

Sam isn’t sure Steve’ll ever stop being amazed and awed that Bucky is here with him. And he’s starting to understand that a little more. If Riley showed up one day Sam isn’t sure he’d ever let him out of his sight again. So really, Steve’s been pretty good about this whole deal.

Standing on the machine at a stop, Sam decides he’s not really that tired yet and goes over to the bench and stacks some weights on the bar. He sits down and prepares to lean back when suddenly Bucky is there, standing almost awkwardly nearby. Sam stares at him and waits, and Bucky eventually says, “You…need a spotter?”

Sam eyes the infamous arm and can’t imagine anyone better for the job. Still, Bucky looks like he wants to flee and Sam thought they were over this, so he tries for something different. “That hunk of junk doesn’t malfunction, does it?”

Bucky scowls and holds his arm, but it’s not his Murder Scowl. Score one for Wilson. “Only for people who call it ‘junk.’”

Sam laughs. “Okay, I take it back then. Will you please use that beautiful piece of machinery to keep my head in one piece?”

Bucky lightens up the tightness in his face and says “I’d like that” and now Sam has to worry because he has two sets of emotionally intense blue eyes to contend with, dammit.

  ~Present~

Another day, another old safehouse Nat has somehow brought up out of nowhere, judging by Steve’s reaction to it. Despite his initial annoyance at Natasha knowing one of Bucky’s secrets, though, the air isn’t so heavy. Even in an old condemned apartment block.

“This place kinda looks like my old building,” you say and sigh. Sam feels a twinge of sympathy, but he can’t be anything other than glad they got there in time. Natasha is too damn good at what she does, and honest to a fault, so Hydra had to have known about you and been on their way even before Steve, Natasha, and Sam were.

“Are you sure you want to compare your home to something that’s been abandoned for years?” Natasha asks.

“Nat!” Steve scolds but you just laugh.

“I don’t know; it looks a little too decent to have been left that long.” You sweep your foot through the dirt on the floor. “Maybe Bucky took a broom to it once or twice.”

Steve chuckles as he and Sam take up their posts while Natasha ducks into a room. “Why? Did he ever do that for you?”

“Pffffft!” You roll your eyes so hard Sam is surprised they don’t go rolling down the hallway. “Mr. I’ll-eat-your-food-but-I’d-rather-lose-my-other-arm-than-wash-one-fucking-plate? Yeah, right.”

Steve laughs like he’s surprised to make the sound. Or maybe he’s shocked you made the joke. Either way, Sam lets out a little snort at the mixture of offense and humor on Steve’s face.

As soon as Natasha pops out to give the signal Steve goes in ahead of you and Sam follows behind. The unit they’re in has vague outlines in the dust and dirt, but it still hasn’t been used in a long time. Sam pays attention to the tone of the conversation you and Steve are having, but he doesn’t listen to the words.

Until Steve sounds concerned. “–ou all right?” Steve asks and you don’t respond.

Sam turns and does a quick look around the rest of the room. He follows your eyes to a hole in the floor Natasha has pried some boards away from. You walk forward and lift out…a blanket. The thing is well-worn, stained in places, and colored in such a way that Sam is fairly certain it used to be much more blue than it currently is. You cradle it, but Sam’s attention is stolen when Steve moves forward to examine what else is there.

“It’s not much,” Natasha says and hands Steve some papers.

Sam goes to stand behind him as he looks through them. Bucky’s enlistment papers, a photo of the Howling Commandos, a sketch of a building that makes Steve’s breath hitch before Natasha holds up dog tags that take it away entirely. “How did he–” Steve clamps down on a laugh and shakes his head. “I shouldn’t be surprised anymore.”

Sam sees you look at Steve’s treasures and then back at the raggedy blanket. You look lost for a moment and then press your lips into a tight line. Before Sam can say anything, though, Steve, well-meaning but sometimes-misguided Steve, says your name. And again. And again.

“What,” you bite out. Sam rolls his eyes to heaven. Lord save him from good-natured good old boys.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks, verging dangerously close to Captain America. Sam groans and even Nat sighs.

“I’m fine!”

Natasha steps in between you and Steve and puts her arm around you. “We’ll be in the car,” she says and leads you away.

  ~Past~

Bucky’s first mission out has gone perfectly. Injuries are minor, none of the team is down, collateral damage is at an all-time low, and he and Sam have made a damn good team.

Bucky has to go and ruin it by dropping two drones almost on Sam’s head.

“Hey! Watch it,” Sam says and kicks one of the little metal bastards. The metal-armed bastard that threw it there drops down next to him, landing light on his feet and smirking up at Sam from a crouch.

“What?” he says ‘innocently’ and stands. “Not like it would have ruined your ugly mug.”

“Oh yeah? Well this ‘ugly mug’ has a hot date tonight,” Sam says and smoothes a hand over his head.

“Did you flash some plumage? Do a mating dance?”

“I’m going to,” Sam says and does a little booty shake. “You want to come? I hear you used to be quite the stud and she’s got cute friends. Steve is hopeless; he’s not invited.”

Bucky loses some of the humor. He doesn’t take on the anger that thinking of his past sometimes entails, so Sam waits patiently while Bucky thinks it over. He looks a little sad and shakes his head. “I, uh, I’m not much of a catch. Any guy or gal with a brain would walk the other way. Should walk the other way.”

There’s a story there; Sam can feel it. “So you weren’t tearing up the town between leaving DC and showing up in New York?”

Bucky shoots him a sharp grin. “Depends on what you mean by ‘tearing up the town’.”

“Aw come on,” Sam says. “Even you can’t punch Nazis all the time.” Bucky raises an eyebrow as if to challenge that, but Sam doesn’t allow the attempted deflection. “What’d you get up to outside of that?”

Sam expects one of three things: for Bucky to ignore the question, for Bucky to tell him off for prying, or for Bucky to make a sarcastic comment that draws them away from the subject. Any one of those would be useful enough for Sam to know how much or how little he should back off. But Bucky frowns heavily and says, “Mostly I was trying to decide what I wanted. I thought I knew.”

Sam studies him. “What about now?”

Bucky gives a helpless half-shrug. “Honestly? There’s a lot I want and not much I deserve.” He looks thoughtful. “I’m still figuring it out.”

  ~Present~

Sam catches up with Steve when they’re switching shifts to patrol. Nat’s on the prowl elsewhere with a promise to return soon, you’re safe in the room Sam just left, and the countryside is quiet. Sam bumps into Steve’s arm, and Steve nudges him back. “Are you okay?” Sam asks, placing the emphasis where Steve often doesn’t.

“Yeah,” Steve says even though he sighs heavily. “Yeah, I’m f–” He sees Sam staring. Sam continues to stare. He stares hard. Steve rolls his eyes and huffs and Sam is struck once more by the fact that this boy has one of the biggest attitudes he has ever encountered. It’s a miracle he survived his own commanding officers long enough to give Hydra a shot at him.

Thankfully, Steve is smarter than most everyone gives him credit for and he drops the act, running his hand through his hair. “I just…don’t get it,” he says. “Bucky’s opened up to me so much, more than I expected– sometimes more than I can handle– and he…” Steve purses his lips. “He means something to her and she means something to him. So why didn’t he ever say anything?”

Sam shrugs and wonders about some of the chats he’s had with Barnes, if there was ever something between the lines that could have clued him in. But that way lies madness, and he hopes Steve knows it too. “Apparently he didn’t say too much on you either, considering she’s just getting to know you now. And sometimes, yeah, people don’t stop talking about the people they care about.” Sam looks at Steve. “And sometimes they keep it to themselves because it’s too much to share.”

Steve sighs, mumbles something about going to check on Natasha, and heads downstairs.

Sam watches him go and lingers at the banister for a moment, listening to the house creak and groan as it adjusts, and thinking about the road so far. Things are starting to slot into place and Sam is feeling positive about the future, actually. This can be good for Bucky– and you– and Steve. Now Sam can only hope Bucky will learn to use his words. On the plus side, you seem like the type of person who will accept nothing less from him, at this point.

Preoccupied and tired, Sam is halfway down the hall when all the lights suddenly go out.

  ~~

You’re out on the balcony, your back to the house, and you stare across the expansive field in front of you, drawing in air like you’re trying to savor the feeling of breathing.

It’s falling apart.

The blanket, that is.

You play with a loose thread, rolling it between your fingers and resisting the urge to tug as hard as you can, just to see what happens. It’s been washed– it smelled like dirt and dust and made you cough and sneeze until Natasha had pulled it out of your hands and shoved it into a washing machine. Now it…well, it’s just a blanket. A nice one that you’ve missed, but you’re a little embarrassed over how emotional it made you earlier. Then again, you were more emotional over where it was put away. What else it had been packed with.

You’re not going to think about it. Trash Panda is still frustratingly out of reach and you can only fantasize about being the Homer to his Bart and choking him out with the threadbare cover that will probably tear itself to shreds under the pressure. So you don’t think of anything at all. You huddle up under the blanket and stare at the night sky. It’s awfully pretty, and somewhat soothing.

Your not-moping is very rudely interrupted by noise. And buzzing. You jump at the vibrations coming from your pocket and pull out– oh, your phone. It’s been so long since you’ve used it you’ve sort of forgotten you can get calls on it. Now you find yourself staring at the number on the screen. You stare a little more. It isn’t an exact match but it’s close enough that you answer the call and snap the phone up to your ear.

“Lucy, you’ve got some splainin’ to do.”

There’s a pause. Then, on the other end of the line, Bucky rumbles with reluctant laughter.

    User Tag List: @gravity-9-8 @grey-stardancer @asslikegilinsky  @howdoesoneadult @projectxhappiness @jadepc @fandomlover03

[myexoticfeels]

11 Question Tag

Much thanks to @dandelionder who has once again tagged me, haha <3

RULES

1. post the rules

2. answer the questions given to you by the tagger

3. write 11 questions of your own

4. tag 11 people

QUESTIONS

1. What would your superhero/stage name be?

I don’t have much creativity when it comes to these things, so I would probably go with my Korean name or simply my last name. A lot of people call me by my last name instead of my first, and I’m going to keep it a secret. ;-)

2. What’s the first color you always go for when painting?

Hmm, when painting, I like to use light colors first. The first color I use is usually white or light blue.

3. Roller coaster date or campfire date?

Definitely date at an amusement park. I’m not really an outdoor person who enjoys being in nature, haha... I would be too worried about sanitation or getting lost on a camping date. But I do want to go to Disneyland or someplace with my boyfriend in the future ^^

4. Thoughts on scented candles?

Great if used minimally. Also not that bad for collecting.

5. If you could wake up tomorrow in any country you wanted, where would you be?

I don’t think I can pick one. I honestly want to go to London or Barcelona in Europe, and I definitely want to visit Seoul again sometime in the future!

6.  What’s your dream job?

Still under consideration. Considering current circumstances, probably a biomedical engineer or surgeon.

7. Done any fun activities lately?

Well, I did go to KCON with my friends and my family not that long ago! It had been a while since I lost my voice from screaming so much.

8. Have you ever been caught hiding in a really weird place?

I’m not sure about hiding, but not that long ago, I was so sleepy that after I came out of the shower and put a robe on, I fell asleep on the bathroom floor and my dad searched for me for ten minutes lol

9. Do you eat cilantro willingly?

I don’t think I’ve actually ever tried cilantro. My dad and I have similar tastes and he absolutely despises cilantro, so he asks for it to be removed from anything we eat.

10.  Do you have a song you always come back to no matter what, that never gets old or boring. If yes, which one?

If you mean exciting and catchy songs to listen to when I’m in a good mood, “Sorry Sorry” by Super Junior is a classic. If you mean slower and more sentimental songs, then I’d have to say “That Man That Woman” by Vibe is a song I can never get enough of.

11. How the hell do people come up with such good questions?

I don’t know, man. I’m also one of those people who ask dry and conventional questions, lol.

NEW QUESTIONS

1. How is your life these days? i’m genuinely trying to make good questions, okay

2. Have you watched any good movies these days?

3. What movie or show has made you cry the most?

4. One travel destination you’d like to recommend to another person!

5. What are your favorite songs these days?

6. What is your guilty pleasure?

7. Who is your bias or bias group?

8. What is one interesting fact about yourself that others may not know?

9. Do you like classical music?

10. What sport do you enjoy watching?

11. What is an embarrassing memory from your childhood?

Once again, I honestly do not know who to tag ;A;

I’d like to tag @jongdae-vevo since I feel I haven’t talked to her in a long time and any of my followers! If you see this, please answer the questions and say I tagged you so I can see your lovely responses <3

[sage-nebula]

Ash and Alan for the headcanons meme please!

Ash’s got really long, so could you send me Alan’s in a second one? I want to make sure I give both boys the attention they deserve. Thanks!

A.) What I think realistically:

Though it may not seem like it due to all the time he spends traveling and how little time he spends at home, Ash is actually very attached to and protective of his mother, and (though he tends to keep this buried down and doesn’t let it show) resentful of his father for walking out on them. Ash and his mother have never had very much money; they have a nice, small house in Pallet Town, but luxuries were definitely scarce and despite Delia doing her best with her restaurant*, she’s still a single parent with a single income who became a single parent when she was eighteen years old. It’s been hard on her, despite how upbeat she stays in order to make sure her son doesn’t worry, and as dense as he might seem at times, Ash did pick up on this over the years. He could tell when his mom was stressed, could tell when she was tired because she had to work a full shift plus take care of him, and while Delia always assured him that his dad was a wonderful trainer who would be so proud of him and who loved him so much, Ash couldn’t help but feel like if his dad really loved him---or either of them, really---then he would have been there, rather than off . . . wherever he is, in the world. (Of course, then Ash feels rather defiantly that they don’t need his dad anyway, that they’re doing just fine without him and he can shove off and stay wherever he is, but all the same.)

This has, in a way, informed the way he reacts to other deadbeat parents in the series. When he meets Brock’s father---or rather, when he realizes that Flint is Brock’s father---he says rather bluntly, “You mean you’re the good-for-nothing father who left home and never came back?!” (He was also clearly affected by Flint’s story of Brock’s parental abandonment, saying, “I better not listen to anymore sad stuff, or the next time I face Brock I might not have the heart to beat him” and openly questioned why Flint helped him instead of his own son.) Likewise, it takes him three whole episodes (and being directly told) that Sabrina’s father is, well, her father, as if the idea of an absent father coming back isn’t one that easily occurs to him (though he does accept Sabrina’s father coming back with happiness, perhaps because he knows that Sabrina’s father didn’t exit her life willingly). Ash isn’t against the idea of absent parents coming back, and seems to step back and let the kid in question handle the situation, but I think that if he was confronted by his own father, his feelings would be a lot more conflicting, oscillating between a desire to get to know his father, as well as a lot of anger at the man for walking out on him and his mother and leaving them to fend for themselves.

Nonetheless, back to the original point---because Delia is the one who always raised him, always took care of him, always loved him and did her best by him no matter what, Ash is quite attached to her, and rather protective of her as well. He’s a total and complete momma’s boy, and I feel that few things illustrate this as clearly as how much he went goddamn berserk when Entei kidnapped her in Spell of the Unown. As far as Ash is concerned, the Ketchum family is just the two of them (and their pokémon) and that’s fine. They’re great the way they are. And no one better mess with his mom under threat of serious harm. Of that, he swears.

(*It was mentioned in Shuudo’s novelizations, I believe, that Delia owns and operates a restaurant in Pallet Town. We never once see this in the anime itself, but I like to imagine that it’s there nonetheless, since otherwise I’m not sure where she gets any money from, given that I highly doubt Ash’s father sends child support checks.)

B.) What I think is fucking hilarious:

He sleep talks! This is actually canon, to a degree; we see him sleep talking in the very first episode, as he’s dreaming over which starter pokémon he’s going to pick. However, it delves into headcanon territory when you consider that Ash can have entire nonsensical conversations while completely asleep. That is, if you overhear him sleep talking, you can ask him a question to prod him along that sleepy train of thought and he will answer. Sometimes this means that he gives a spiel on how all the pokémon that are thought to come from space, such as clefairy, actually came up from the ocean, because the ocean has a portal to space at the very bottom that no one has ever seen because people can’t swim down that far. Or maybe he questions on the nature of pokémon like cherrim, who are clearly pokémon, but who are also fruit. Where does the fruit end and the pokémon begin? asks actually asleep Ash Ketchum. These are Very Serious™ conversations that he, while asleep, takes Very Very Seriously™, but when he wakes up in the morning he’ll have absolutely no recollection that they ever happened.

(One time Iris and Cilan recorded one such conversation just to have proof it happened. That time it was about how ditto could be anywhere at any time and you’d never know because they use Transform, and how they were all probably surrounded by ditto at all times, and probably they were even ditto and didn’t know because somehow the ditto had impersonated them so well that even they, themselves, were fooled. Listening to this at breakfast the next morning, Ash didn’t even know how to begin explaining what he was rambling on about in his sleep.)

C.) What is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

It’s not really a conscious thought, but in the back of his mind Ash rather assumes that, at some point or another, pretty much everyone will end up leaving him.

His dad was never present in his life, so that’s one thing---but although they were friends in childhood, Gary inexplicably turned on him one day and became his bully instead. Butterfree left to go start a family. He thought Pikachu wanted to leave, but thankfully that wasn’t the case (and never will be). Brock left to go stay with Professor Ivy for a while, and only came back when something happened that he refused to tell Ash about, but as soon as he came back, Tracey decided to leave, staying with Professor Oak instead. Lapras returned to her family, Pidgeot stayed in the woods outside Pallet Town, Charizard decided to stay in the Charicific Valley, only visiting occasionally . . . and the real kicker came when it was time for Misty to leave, going back home to Cerulean and leaving him to continue on by himself.

Ash knows that, in many of these cases, the circumstances are beyond his friends’ control. And it’s not like he never sees them again; they call, they write letters, they visit sometimes, they keep in touch. But that doesn’t make the goodbyes any harder, nor does it stop it from wedging a little note in the back of his mind whenever he meets a new traveling companion that this is only temporary, sooner or later they’re going to leave, better start preparing now for when that happens later. When Misty and Brock left him at the end of the OS, he broke down crying before bolting back to Pallet. After that, the successive goodbyes became easier, because although he bonds and is close with all of his new friends, there’s always a sort of subconscious bit of distance there where he knows that this is not forever, so he better not get attached like it is. (It’s also why, especially with his pokémon, he often makes the choice to leave them before they can say they’re leaving him. We see this with Pikachu, and Charizard, too. At least this way he can tell himself that it’s not really that they’re leaving him; he’s leaving them, for their own good. They’ll be happier this way. And it’s in his control, it’s in his power, he’s not being abandoned, he’s not, he’s making this choice, all on his own.) It gets to the point where, at the end of his Kalos journey, he announces he’s going back to Pallet Town before anyone else has shared their plans with him (at least, I’m pretty sure this was before Serena had decided what it was she was going to do and announced her intentions on going to Hoenn). Aside from just being rather Done™ with Kalos after everything that entire journey consisted of (not just the Flare arc danger, but all the pressure that came with being idolized all the time, et cetera), he decided to say goodbye on his own and go home since he could tell that was coming anyway. He made the decision before the others could, because again: he’s choosing to leave this way, not the other way around.

And again: Ash still loves all of his friends and pokémon, still cares for them all deeply, there’s no doubt about that. And he doesn’t consciously think about the fact that they’ll leave, but . . . that’s still there, in the back of his mind, and as such it’s something he starts preparing himself for as his journey goes on and he magnetically attracts new companions after stepping foot in a new region. Yeah, he attracts friends like static cling, but static wears off after awhile, and so does their time together. By this point, Ash has just rather resigned himself to it, even if only subconsciously.

D.) What would never work in canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

So I have two of these. One is one that I’m sure most people would agree with, and the other is one that I’m sure most people would feel really “?!?!” about.

The one that I feel most people would agree with is that I like to imagine a timeline of Ash aging, simply because although I know the reason why he stays ten, and though I know that the anime exists in a sort of time bubble where time passes but no one ages, it’s still hard for me to reconcile the fact that, from Ash’s perspective, he actually hasn’t been on this journey for years, despite everything that he has done over the course of all the sagas. The reboot of his personality in SM aside, I really feel as if he was characterized like he was 13/14 in XY(&Z), with 13 erring on the young side. He certainly acted more mature than Manon, who we know is ten because she had just started on her journey. (And note: I do not mean this as a dig at Manon, I merely mean that she acted her age whereas Ash did not act his supposed age.) And while Serena had also just started out, we know that she had no interest in journeying until she saw Ash on TV, so it would be believable that perhaps she just started late and was also about 13/14 (hence also why she’s a lot more open about her crush than previous girls---she has a few added years of extra maturity). So the fact that Serena is also more mature than Manon doesn’t discount the idea that Ash didn’t act like he was ten, but instead acted like he was older.

So the way that I look at it is like this: According to the information given in Shuudo’s novelizations, Ash would have turned eleven about a month after setting off from Pallet Town. (His birthday is May 22nd, and Shuudo’s novelizations said that kids leave on their journeys the first April after they turn ten, no doubt based on the Japanese school system.) The line about it being a year since they were last in Viridian City in “Battle of the Badge” is dub-only, but if we take it for the sake of having some sort of measurable timeline, then we can say that by the time the Kanto League takes place, Ash is newly twelve. After that, given how short the Orange Islands season is, maybe it only takes about two or three months (there was a lot of Surfing, okay), so Ash is still twelve by the time he goes to Johto.

Now, this is where things get a bit more difficult, because each of the following sagas was really, really long (far longer than either Kanto or Orange), and even if we do “one year per journey,” Ash would end up being seventeen by the time Kalos rolls around, and no matter how mature he is in XY(&Z), there’s no way that I can buy that he is seventeen. None. (And not even because of maturity, but because . . . look at him. He should be far closer to Alan’s height if he was an older teenager. Hell, he’d be older than Alan if he was seventeen, so like . . . thirteen/fourteen is believable. Seventeen is not.) So I’m really not sure how to make that work, for him to still only be, say, fourteen by the time he reaches Kalos despite how long the Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, and Unova sagas are, but at least making him fourteen by Kalos is more believable than ten, so I think that finagling can be forgiven.

As for the other, “?!?!” one . . . okay, hear me out. What if---and stay with me, guys, bear with me on this---what if . . . Ritchie was his half-brother somehow.

I mean, think about it! They look startlingly alike! They act similar, though Ritchie is more polite and far more of a gentleman. (Would be Serena’s actual dream guy tbh. Plot twist, Ash didn’t remember the summer camp because it was Ritchie she met there and not him.) Ash’s dad is not in the picture, so it’s not out of the question that he could have had another son with a different woman. The only issue is that they’re close in age, but you never know: maybe he walked out on Delia because he had an affair with someone else. It’s possible!!

Anyway, that’s just a crack theory and not a real headcanon, but it’s one I sometimes like to imagine nonetheless. :P

[nyrastark-archive]

This might seem like a stupid question, but how would you describe Nyra and Sebastian's relationship? I could think of several ways, but you're the one writing it, so it's up to you lmao. Happy Birthday, and hope you have a fantastic day!

It is not a stupid question I was hoping someone would ask me something like this!

Alright, let me say right up front that their relationship is twisted, unhealthy and dysfunctional. 

I may portray it fairly fluffy at times but please remember that Sebastian is a demon. They don’t love. Though Sebastian probably cares for Nyra more than he thought a demon possibly could it is toxic and dark.

The fact that any and all of his seduction attempts towards her have failed is what originally sparked his interest. He has been able to charm men, women and everything in between easily and though he has succeeded in flattering her, making her blush and earning kisses, he has yet to earn his place in her bed. He begins to obsess over her and wonder why she doesn’t fall into his grasp as easily as everyone else.

He is well aware that he could take her by force and sate his lust that way but Sebastian finds that to be sloppy and for lesser beings who don’t have the talent and skill to earn permission from their partner. Sebastian not forcing Nyra to sleep with him isn’t out of consideration for her, it’s because he believes it would be far more rewarding if she spread her legs for him willingly. 

He finds her wit and snark entertaining but what strikes him as odd is how he prefers it when she’s happy. He doesn’t like it when she is sad or angry, with him at least. He will gladly push others in the way of her wrath for his own amusement. He doesn’t understand why her happiness matters, but it does. Yes, his feelings are confusing but they make even less sense to him.

Perhaps the thing that sets her apart the most is that she finds the demon to be her friend, not the butler. The butler is full of false compliments, perfect politeness and just over all perfection. To Nyra, perfection is boring and being thousands of years old, it is very easy to bore her. The demon will battle her in wits and play her games. The demon is who can discuss hundreds of years of history, the butler is a young man who came to work for Ciel under mysterious circumstances. Nyra would rather spend her time speaking with the demon than the butler.

With Nyra, her feelings are a bit more tragic. Since she is well aware of what Sebastian really is, she was a little cautious at first. True, she still teased and poked fun at him, but she didn’t allow herself to remain in his presence for long. But, over time, after showing him that she found his servant facade boring, he began to show more of his true personality and she began to crave that being’s company. If he was honest in his compliments and truly managed to charm her, he’d be rewarded with kisses, some hotter than others but she never let him get too far.

She slowly fell in love with who he was, never denying what he was. She is well aware that he is a cruel and malicious being. He’s a monster, plain and simple. She knows that he could never truly love her or care for her, but she loves him anyway.

If you add her experience with Andrew on top of that she is especially wary. If a human could turn on her like that, it’s only natural to assume that Sebastian could turn far worse. As she falls deeper and deeper, she cuts their little games off faster and faster. She knows that doing stuff like that will only hurt her, but hey. Demon’s are master’s of temptation and whether you’re human or witch, you can’t control who you fall for.

After all of this you might be wondering ‘If this shit is so unhealthy then why do you keep writing about this?’ Because like Nyra, you can’t help who you fall in love with. I love Sebastian as a character and I am a shipper to the core. Writing a romance fic with Sebastian is tricky, trying to walk the line of realism and fluff.

But with my story, I hope to keep Sebastian very much a demon but making him at least truly care about Nyra no matter how twisted it may be. They could make it work, it’d be dysfunctional but they could make it work.

Now, on a lighter note, what are some of the things they’d actually be able to do that would make them a good couple?

The flirting for one, they will continue to flirt forever. If they were to live happily ever after, they’d roam the world, experiencing all the cultures they could,watching humans and sharing many dances while Nyra sings in every language they come across. Sebastian would take her flying, something she adores and he would occasionally sink back into his butler facade and she’d wake up to a three course breakfast in bed, much to her embarrassment. They’d still argue and fight but they’d always come back together. As far as an onlooker could tell, they’re made for each other.

Hope this answered some of your questions. Please ask more. Don’t be shy. Seriously though, followers there’s more than thirty of you people, let’s see if you can spam my ask box, all of you.