#fun fact! its the main source of my grief!

[bbqhooligan]

guy who is obsessed with the twilight soundtrack voice: wow this song sounds like it belongs in the twilight soundtrack

[screechthemighty]

Titanfall fic writing is back, babey!! Fun fact, I started writing this *checks notes* literal years ago, but only just now circled back to it now that I'm filling in the holes in the Titanfall part of my Respawn Cinematic Universe. I will be eventually circling back to the stuff that happens after The Citadel, don't worry! I just wanted to get this one out of the way (again: literal years). AO3 link will be in a reblog, but you can read the first chapter below!

crash and burn (and then return again) | a titanfall 2 fanficpart one

cw: vomiting, loss/grief, shutdown, references to alcoholism

.

Things would’ve gone a lot differently if he were a in movie. For starters, Cooper wouldn’t have passed out within five minutes of arriving on the main battleship.

That was his own fault. His body had been giving him signs it was going to quit on him the whole flight back. He was shaky, almost dizzy, nauseous, and it felt like someone had replaced his brain with piles of stuffing. Cooper had figured it was just the adrenaline. Been there, done that. He’d be fine once he had something to eat and some real sleep. He didn’t say anything because it wasn’t a big deal.

Turned out it, was a big deal.

His memories of what exactly happened were hazy. Commander Briggs was there, he knew that, and Robert Taube. He remembered there were a lot of other people, and that he thought it was all those eyes on him (even in a positive light) that were making him feel worse. He tried to be subtle about excusing himself. He wasn’t sure if he succeeded or not; he thought someone followed him, but he couldn’t remember if it was Commander Briggs or Taube or both. Maybe it was neither. But he was pretty sure he remembered someone asking if he was okay, and replying that he didn’t feel so hot.

That must’ve been when he passed out, because his next concrete memory was lying on a moving gurney and someone checking his pulse “...repeated physical contact with an unknown energy source, we have no idea…” someone was saying.

Cooper risked opening his eyes. Commander Briggs was there, Taube, too, and a nurse, and a medical droid. It wasn’t that big of an audience, but it felt like a whole stadium of people once he realized what happened. “Did I throw up on anyone?” he mumbled.

“No,” Taube replied bluntly. “You about to?”

“...uhm…”

He must’ve gone grey or green or whatever color you turned when you were about to puke, because Taube swore and got out of the way. At least that way, Cooper didn’t throw up on anyone. Puking on the floor in front of his new CO, a respected war hero, and two medics was still in the top ten most humiliating moments of his life. There wasn’t much in his stomach to throw up, just water and one and a half energy bars. But apparently his body really didn’t want it.

There was a hand on his shoulder, someone asking him something, but Cooper barely registered the question. He stared down at the floor, eyes defocused. This had happened before, right? Fracture? Yeah. Fracture. He’d hit his head, suffered a concussion. Did he have another concussion? He’d fallen so many times on Typhon. He’d thought the jump kit and the helmet would take the worst of it but…hell, he didn’t know. He had no clue what he was doing. “Shit,” he muttered.

“Were you given any medication during Broadsword?” asked the med droid. Its voice was neutral in a calming way, but higher pitched than BT’s had been.  Thinking about BT made his stomach churn. “Exposure to any other energy sources?”

Had he? So much had happened. He could barely keep track. “Uhm...s-sansufentynal. After my drop pod landed. And...Lastimosa…” The name tasted bitter in his mouth. “…gave me something, I don’t know what. He said it might knock me out, but I’d feel better once I woke up. I was in a power chamber, there was some radiation, but I think it wasn’t so long that my suit couldn’t handle it.”

“Understood.” The med droid began speaking in softer tones to the medic, something about blood work and scans; Cooper was too busy trying to control his still-revolting stomach to really pay attention.

Am I dying? Did I really survive all that bullshit just to die like this?

“You’re not dying,” said Taube roughly. Cooper looked up at him, confused. Had he said that out loud? How out of it was he right now? “Just keep it together, kid. We’re gonna get you help.”

He was the one resting a hand on Cooper’s shoulder. The reassuring pressure of the grip contrasted with the way Taube actually looked: worn down, five o’clock shadow, bags under his eyes. He looked just as ready to pass out as Cooper felt.

Cooper couldn’t blame him for that. It had been a hell of a long day. Using the past tense didn’t feel right, though. A day like that couldn’t just be…over. Not like this. Not with…

He lay back down and shut his eyes tightly.

He can’t be gone.

How can he just be gone?

The thought kept echoing in his head as they dragged him into a private room in the medbay. Cooper went through the motions, sitting up, letting them look him over, responding to any questions he knew the answers to. The answers kept getting shorter and shorter; if that concerned the medics, Cooper barely noticed. Everything was growing more distant—sounds, sensations, the overall feeling of reality. All he wanted to do was curl up somewhere quiet and dark and sleep.

Sleep and wake up in a world where BT wasn’t gone.

.

Cooper had gone quiet.

Barker hadn’t noticed it at first. He’d only realized because he’d happened to glance in Cooper’s direction. He was hunched over, face buried in his hands, not making a sound even as his shoulders shook slightly. Barker wasn’t shocked—after everything Cooper had been through, having an emotional crash with the physical one wasn’t out of the blue or anything.

Should I do something?

Barker barely knew the guy from Adam, but he had a feeling Briggs didn’t either. That might’ve been part of the problem, now that he thought about it. All that shit and no one he could talk to about it.  Still, one of us should say something. Briggs was still talking intensely with the human medic, and the bot didn’t look like the reassuring type. It was either interrupt or…

He sighed. Ah, screw it. “Hey, Cooper?” Barker said carefully as he stepped forward.

Cooper didn’t reply.

Shit. “Cooper?” Barker repeated, a bit louder this time. When that didn’t get a response, he knew it was time to switch tactics. Cooper had been a rifleman before this; maybe he just needed a good prod from a CO to get him out of it. “Pilot,” Barker tried, trying to force his voice back into tones he hadn’t used since the IMC.

Still nothing.

Except he hadn’t been pilot for longer than a few days, right? Field promotion, no time to get used to it. So maybe…

“Hey, Rifleman.”

Cooper straightened up immediately, shoulders squared, hands dropping down from his face. “Sir,” he said. His eyes were pink, still wet with tears. He didn’t seem to register who Barker was at first; his body just responded to the rank. Muscle memory. Hell of a thing.

Barker had Cooper’s attention all right, but now he didn’t know what to do with it.

“You, uh…” Barker took another few steps forward and clumsily rested a hand on Cooper’s shoulder. “You okay?”

The kid looked at him like he was trying to figure out the right answer to the question.

That look didn’t last long. Whatever it was Cooper was trying to press down and re-shape into an acceptable answer shattered like a glass bottle. His composure and decorum went with it. Next thing Barker knew, the kid’s face was pressed against his chest as his body heaved with audible sobs.

Damn it, I am not equipped for this.

Though he may have been more prepared than everyone else there. Briggs looked just as caught off-guard as he did, and the medbot wasn’t going to be any help. The flesh and blood medic looked lost, too. Barker shot them all a baffled look as he clumsily patted Cooper’s shoulder. You’re gonna let me do this? Really? “’S’okay. Let it out.” Don’t worry about me telling anyone. I will definitely be drinking enough to forget this. “I’m sorry.”

The words tasted sharp, bitter. I get it. That part was left unspoken, but he did. The empty hole in your head, in your soul. You formed bonds quickly in combat. Cooper might not have had the years of connection Barker had with Juliet, but that wouldn’t make it hurt less. Someone sacrificing themselves for you never went down easily.

Barker gritted his teeth. Definitely drinking tonight.

“You’re safe now,” he said instead. “We’ve got you, kid.”

Cooper’s sobs slowed eventually. He let go of Barker’s jumpsuit, instead tightly hugging himself. He rocked slightly in place—self-soothing, if Barker had to guess—and his eyes stayed clenched shut. “Can’t,” he choked out.

“Can’t what?”

“It…mmph.” His shoulders hunched more tightly, like he was trying to shrink into himself. “Bright.”

Briggs finally snapped out of it and went to dim the lights. The medbot said something to the human medic, who cursed quietly and started digging around through some nearby drawers. Barker, meanwhile, crouched in front of Cooper, trying to catch his gaze. “That better?” A pause. A nod. “Anything hurt? Like, about to drop dead hurt?”

Cooper hugged himself more tightly. Damn it, I’m making things worse again. Barker didn’t think this was a panic attack; he’d seen plenty of those before. So what is it? What’s wrong?

The medic nudged him aside gently and held out something to Cooper. “Here,” she said. “Do you think you can use this?”

She small tablet she’d passed him had an application open with a bunch of buttons. Barker could see an alphabet, and some standard words and phrases. Cooper took the tablet, then stared at the application as if trying to register what he was looking at. After a lengthy pause, he tapped one of the options.

“No.”

Okay, they were getting somewhere. “No, nothing hurts?” Barker guessed. Cooper nodded. “What do you need, kid?”

A pause. This time, Cooper tapped at the letters.

“Alone.”

…yeah. Fair.

“Can we clear the room, guys?” the medic asked. To Cooper, she added, “We’ll be just outside. Come get us if you need anything, okay?”

She seemed confident that Cooper wouldn’t hurt himself or have a heart attack, so Barker followed the others outside. He took one more glance at Cooper as he stepped out, and almost wished he hadn’t. The freshly minted pilot had hunched back over, the tablet hugged tightly to his chest. It was something no one should see, least of all the drunk who’d only just met the poor guy.

Barker looked away. Jack Cooper was going to be the talk of the town when they got back to Harmony. The least they could do was let him grieve in private while he still could.

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

ermmm wowland spoiwers

bonus these r cute:

^ I LOVE THESE SPRITES SO MACH the dodge especially

fun fact: i get all his guns confused all the time so when i drew my 'airhead' animation i mistakenly made him 1-hand the rifle(?) or is it a shotgun?

"food", "food", "...", "food :)"

KJY - "Roland was a character whose eyes were fixed behind in many ways. When he first ran into Salvador, he anxiously kept looking backward and left himself open for a surprise attack. But, there was one time in the past where Roland could look ahead, and the encounter with Angelica is what I think brought change to Roland’s life. With Angelica gone now, he’s regressed to watching behind and reminiscing about the past. To Roland, Angelica is an angel that brought much pain as well as much happiness to him. Overcome with the grief of losing his angel, Roland wanders until he meets another angel: Angela is the source of Roland’s suffering, but at the same time, she gives him a reason to keep on living by any means. I remember the artists at Mili explaining to us as they worked on the song that ‘Gone Angels’ expresses Roland’s determination to kill that angel with his own hands and leave nothing behind."

^^^^^^ that makes me feel so many things

also you know, i only just now realized roland comments on all the groups of characters at the top of their pages <*bad eyes*

some stuff he says:

"Charles’ Office. A band of myself and the eleven Fixers who followed my lead, despite all my shortcomings… Being in the northern part of the City meant many of us had pretty extravagant outfits. I remember laughing at the way Astolfo dressed, too. We were together for quite a long time, and it felt like our company would last forever, but here we are now, going our separate ways. This wasn’t an unexpected outcome, though. I’d wonder if they’re alive and well from time to time, and it was good to see Olivier at the very least. I sometimes miss those simpler times when I could just focus on the now and live in the moment."

(about pierre & jack) "A restaurant aged 11 years in the streets of District 23; although it’s not super popular or anything, it has quite a few regulars. Its specialty is meat-based foods, and the main dish is Pierre’s signature thick meat pies. I’ve never tried one myself, but according to its patrons… the abundance and juiciness of the meat make for a fantastic meal. Now here’s the funny bit: some people don’t seem to know what the pie is made of. Well, Pierre, the head chef of the establishment, isn’t the type to babble out for things no one asked. Besides, we’re talking about District 23… the streets of flavor, y’know? Whatever methods or ingredients were used to make the food… most of those folks don’t pay any attention. They’d rather be taking another bite out of their tasty grub if they have the time to ask questions." (hmmm...)

(about the 8 o'clock circus) "...Perhaps that circus could be the place to restore your smile, forgotten in the hum of everyday life. I’d like to see a performance myself if I ever get the chance." (?? roland you saw what oswald did though......well if he wants to see the circus he can go see the circus <3 love & peace)

(about the smiling faces) "...The Smiling Faces apparently enjoy flaking human flesh into thin fillets to eat… They’re definitely far from the only ones known for cannibalism, but you’ve got to admit, their flesh fillet is something to behold. It’s uncanny how they can make the fillet so thin that you can see through it. Not like… I want to ever eat it." (HMM!? WHY DID U PAUSE)

(about liu association) "...That’s why most Fixers try not to get attached to each other; too many couples end up losing their significant others sooner or later. But, once you feel the warmth of someone precious, you can’t easily let them go. I sometimes wonder what the right thing to do is, if you lose someone who naturally became a huge part of your life." ( D: )

(about liu again) "I must wonder how it feels to be able to cherish something. To make choices for one purpose and even forfeit everything else in order to protect what’s precious. To restrain yourself from grieving for the deaths of the few to save the many who live on; to risk all you have for the sake of your loved one. I suppose it’s not the most unusual feeling. Everyone vaguely senses it, but no one bothers to delve into it. How could one name it… Love? Sympathy? I don’t think it will ever be possible to define this with a single word. A simple word wouldn’t do it justice, either. Nevertheless, it is a matter worth considering time after time."

(about distorted yan) "It sounds like there are beings comparable to gods in the City, such as the Prescripts. I think I’ve seen ‘em a few times myself… although they’re not memories I want to revisit..." (hmm...?)

[sodascribbles]

yet more honor among thieves rambling. im watching a playthrough lol

WHAT does bentley throw at dr. m is it a sleep dart why does it explode WHY DOES HE THROW IT

"Sly, no! Hold on, Sly-- hold on!"

an elusive picture of slys mom (just her silhouette tho next to connors) and a picture of who i can only assume is connor, mcsweeney, and dr m...........

THE HATS TOO BIG FOR HIMMM

the cooky-steelin' plan (sobbing)

pls imagine something eloquent about the fact that we never see what connor really looks like in these "flashbacks"- presumably bc sly doesn't remember

slys leg pouch doesnt fully wrap around his leg ?? might just be the lighting tho.

i wonder abt their sources how DID they find out abt murray

i love that Octavio is the guy they call old. not bison. who is from the 1800s

im obsessed with just abt all the villain backstories

this playthrough doesnt have the hazard room and im deeply upset about it. as a matter of fact i might find one that DOES bc i love the banter wkfhhehd

...when DO you get to the hazard room? its before u start Opera isnt it ?? unclear

i will not find one w the hazard room unfortunately but i have switched to a 100% run out of curiosity

gotta be honest Italy is probably one of if not my favorite episode ever

DIMITRI HI BBG

you've got some FUZZY DICE to come round here

MAIN MAN MURRAY the way he says it is so good

AW WHAT THIS PLAYTHROUGH DOESNT DO ALL THE SILLY OPTIONS (i mean i understand why i just like the silly options)

i love that the captions capitalize Bro

fun fact if you take too long crawling around carmelita will just repeat the presentation bc she doesnt think they were paying attention lmao

i love the apes(?) insulting each other. "You look a lot better in the dark, Petro. Seriously, you are an ugly, ugly man."

why does dimitri have a cigarette in a jail cell

"keep your HANDS to YOURSELF leon."

in love with the way dimitri talks, as we all are.

whys he call murray a Plump Dog though that's uncalled for /j

"HELLO ASSORTED MEATHEADS! and lady C:"

she tells her men to grab him and Nobody Follows

theres a couple hitches that happen in between games that im incredibly curious about, e.i. murray becoming The Murray between 1 and 2 and inspector fox going from her little smile and "ill find you, cooper!" to "she grew up and stopped taking grief from guys like you" that happens between 2 and 3

"You can't keep running for the rest of your life!" WATCH ME

"Greetings, old-- iNSPECTOR FOX?!"

murray's spiritual outfit model is so fascinating to me

AUDGJAHDHS they make me feel emotions /pos

the venetian safehouse fascinates me the door opens straight to stairs and the actual safehouse part is on the top floor

"now as non-law operatives, we can take a more... head on approach. wE'RE GONNA BREAK IN--"

OH WAIT ITS THE HAZARD ROOM HELL YEAH <<33

in love w them they're the best duo ever /hj

"hey, don't feel bad! those wall hooks were... kinda tricky!" "it was ALL supposed to be tricky!"

the ceiling of the hazard room is.... fascinating

theres always a certain level of. oh jeez what's the word. playfulness? between early game sly and bentley. it always kinda sounds like they're both smiling and joking around w each other and it warms my heart

this will not be the first time i talk about it

once more with the caption choices. on-line is hyphenated

YOU GET: A PRIZE!

bentley just kills a man.mp4

"Alright, smooth talker, try robbing this guy." see the above about their banter and their dynamic

though to be fair sly and bentley usually have a vague kind of playful/bantery vibe. it's just incredibly palpable during Italy, probably because they're the only two characters in the spotlight and therefore they get to be explored more

ok hold on im gonna get food b4 i continue

one food break later...

okay im back

"You're not gonna say 'I'm a lover, not a fighter,' are you?" "Well, not now." "Thought so."

in love w bentley just sending a man to murder sly

how DID they get all these guards into the hazard room. where is the hazard room

WBYS THE GUARD JUST SCREAM

bentleys voice when he says "now give this guy the business" send post

AND HE GETS SO EXCITED WHEN HE TALKS ABOUT THE BOAT. and sly sounds just So amused with his "yeah?" hes so used to this bullshit

i hope you're ready for me to talk ceaselessly about sly and bentleys dynamic it's my favorite thing snfnebbfd

"Against sleeping guards, I'm like a Greek god! All fall before me!" hes so silly i love him

nerves of steel?? you have no nerves of steel you silly anxious goob

AND HE GETS SO EXCITED ABOUT THE PPP (pick pocket pole)

sly ALSO murders a man

bentleys wheelies heart emoji...

THE HUMBLE RECON PHOTO!!

"There you go, Bentley, some wonderful pinups for our refrigerator." "They're lovely. High art!" "Seriously?" "No."

i love that murray shows up on the menu before you get him back that's so funny to me

huh. do you need all the upgrades for 100%? ill find out

"The Don is headed toward your position." "Great! Want me to take him?" "No!"

sly vc DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL THAT GUY FOR YOU? /ref

gotta be honest bentley i think killing him would also put an end to this nonsense

"Never thought we'd be helping out the cops." "Reaally? You always seem eager to aid Inspector Fox."

bentley and murray calling out slys crush on carmelita is my favorite thing wjfhwbdbwd

octavio singin as he goes azKEKFHWHDB THE PERSON JUST GOT CAUGHT LMAO

"I got a SHADOW, huh???"

SLY you NEED TO BE QUIETER you aLERTED OCTAVIO TO YOUR PRESENCE

octavio just bodychecked a dude lmao

i love how angry bentley gets about the fish tank especially he gets SO MAD i love him

"I- I can't believe it! He flooded that aquarium with tar! All those poor, dead fish! As much as I hate to see what heinous crime this fiend will do next, you should probably keep on his tail. Someday, the people will know the truth due to your pictures!"

"all those poor, dead fish!" LMAO

ok I've been on a ferris wheel exactly one (1) time but im like 95% sure the cart would tilt w/ sly hanging onto it

octavios captions are SO slow akdbhwhdbd

AND BENTLEY GETS SO MAD ABOUT THE FERRIS WHEEL. and then proceeds to call rewiring it "the dark side of electrical engineering"

bwa BWA <- the sly 3 job complete noise

i really hated Into the Depths on my first playthrough but that was mostly bc i was still bad at the game i think. it's really not so bad

what is it with the stupid 3d goggles WHY do they exist weve never seen them before and we never see them (w the exclusion of cutscenes and maybe one or two mentions) again

okay ive never messed up the doors in my life but im very glad bentley doesnt make fun of you for it i think id cry

also he does his idle animations while talking which means that sometimes he sneezes mid sentence and its really funny. bentleys idle animations are so good in general tho

bentleys and the ones from the safehouses

OKAY SO I DIDNT KNOW THIS UNTIL EARLIER TODAY BUT OCTAVIO CALLS 3 GUYS (mario, raphael, and julius) TO COME SEE HIM AND SAYS "if any of you catch these boys make a run for it [cat noise) shoot 'em in the back"

BUT WHEN YOU SEE IN HIS OFFICE THERES ONLY 2 DUDES. IMPLYING ONE GOT SHOT IN THE BACK .

OH HE SAYS JULIUS MADE A RUN FOR IT. OKAY ("julius made a run for it, and eh... [unintelligible]") i cannot for the life of me figure out what else he says there oops. maybe ill go replay that mission later and find out for sure

i know that's not particularly groundbreaking all things considered but again i didnt know it until earlier today so

once more Bentley getting excited about murder

"Synchronize watches, and..." you fuckin nerd

"Just as long as you're enjoying yourself, that's the important thing." again w the affectionate sarcasm

sly and bentley are both very sarcastic usually as opposed to murray who's pretty heart on his sleeve straightforward kind of guy which is probably why this ep & the hazard room sticks out so much for the banter. again bc its JUST the two of them lol

"Sorry, Sly, I guess the dinosaur has teeth!"

i love knocking the pigeons into fire it's so much fun

you get to hear the same "Intruders!" line like 17 times

fuckin piano computer lookin ass

i wish bentley and murray (and the rest of the team, but bentley and murray especially) had a little bit more... idk. reasons to free roam? like with the options of them as playable characters you would assume there would be more things tailored to their unique skillsets but a lot of getting around the overworld is very sly-focused, which i guess i get, but it means theres really no reason to play as the others except for missions

DESPITE KNOWING THAT ITLL ONLY MAKE THINGS HARDER BENTLEY GOING OUT OF JIS WAY TO HELP SLY SAVE CARMELITA bawling

bentleys such a fucking dork have i said that already i think we need to call more attention to him being a fucking dork

fun fact if you repeatedly tap □/r1 your gun will heat up slower BUT your finger WILL hurt by the end of it

haha they're cooper brother colored (blue, green, & pink/red)

though tbf most trios are if you think about it. but shh cooper brothers

"I hope you realize that by saving Carmelita, we're only making our operation here more difficult." "Maybe so, but what's the fun in stealing if there's nobody trying to catch you? Besides, she's helped us out in the past." "That, and you've got a thing for her." "...and I've got a thing for her. Look, I'll stash this boat, it might be useful for later. You stay out of trouble."

again, bentley and murray calling him out on his crush is priceless and i wish they did it more w bentley and penelope WLFJJWJDHE

okay funny story it's a few weeks later things happened anyway. going back to watching honor among thieves lol

ill probably split this post up into a few posts just so this one isnt 18 million years long

[baya-ni]

For all its faults, I don’t think that Sk8 could’ve had a more perfect ending for Reki and Langa. It’s not exactly groundbreaking for the sports anime genre or anything, but it is satisfying.

We all know how Langa’s monologue in the final scene parallels Reki’s monologue in the first episode. We all know that when Reki says, “Don’t go easy on me, okay?” he’s successfully risen above his feelings of inadequacy, and that Langa’s line of “You’d better not, either,” shows how much he’s always considered Reki as an equal.

But I wanna talk about the significance that their beef against one another takes place between just the two of them.

Reki has had to learn the true importance of skating, why he ever got started in the first place: it’s fun. It’s not about winning or losing so much as it is about the slow process of learning, the satisfaction of self improvement, and skating as a means of finding community and building meaningful relationships with others. So it’s significant that Reki’s final beef of the season is with Langa, the very person who was the source of all his anxiety and forced Reki to have to relearn why skating was important to him in the first place.

But with this final beef, there is nothing at stake, no audience, just two boyfriends skating together for the pure fun of it.

On the other hand, Langa has had to relearn how to basically live again, how to find love and meaning in life after experiencing mind-numbing grief over the death of his father. A big part of that journey was learning how to differentiate between his love for Reki and the competitive excitement he feels when skating with ADAM, and how to give priority to one over the other. And so the fact that his final beef is without an audience is, again, really significant. This race is a one-on-one with Reki, the person he cherishes most, and with no one else.

So essentially, Reki and Langa’s individual journeys could have only led them here. To each other.

I also really love the ambiguity of the end, and by ambiguity I mean that we don’t know who wins or loses the final beef. On one hand, it’s because the outcome doesn’t matter, again emphasizing what Reki has had to learn this season, that it’s the people we skate with that matters more than winning or losing.

On the other hand, the ending touches on a really important concept about love and relationships. I was talking to my wife @floresitass after the finale (whose  knowledge of Sk8 is almost entirely comprised of the secondhand plot/character info they get from my weekly infodumping) so credit to them for this insight. But the fact that no one, not even us the viewers, are privy to what’s basically the most intimate act shared between Reki and Langa, hits on the idea that, “the purest acts of love are not for the consumption of others.”

@floresitass​ and I generally exist as visibly queer people, but “my loving is for me and my lover” (their words), something that the final scene between Reki and Langa embodies really accurately, intentional or not on the part of the creators. Their race is for no one else but them.

I’m not disappointed that Reki and Langa didn’t kiss or hold hands or anything. Because the show has made it explicitly clear that their love language is not That. Instead, the show builds up this metaphor that “Skating is a ritual of love,” and it bleeds into every single relationship in the show. The act of skating is the primary means by which the relationships between characters are developed.

The show’s main relationship, therefore, adheres to this metaphor most strongly, and any major displays of affection outside of that context (ie kissing) would, in my opinion, come across more as something shoehorned in to please Western viewers rather than a sincere act of shared love.

Expressions of love are unique to each person and each couple. Apparently for Reki and Langa, a big part of the way they express their love for one another is through skateboarding. By conventional standards of romance, it’s odd, that’s for sure. But it’s theirs. They made it.

And what is love, if not the act of invention?

[cream-and-tea]

hello! I noticed you post/rb about podcasts sometimes and I've been kinda wanting to start listening to some (I already have a few but i mean more plot-based ones) but I'm not sure where to start, so I thought I would ask if you have any reccomendations?

okay okay okay! sorry this took so long to answer i got SO excited when i got this ask that i froze up and then just had to put together a little list of a few of my favourite shows that i think would be good to start out with (in no particular order):

MABEL

low fantasy podcast with horror elements that follows Anna Limone, the caretaker of a mysterious old woman and her massive house, as she leaves voicemails for said woman’s missing granddaughter (the titular Mabel) all while attempting to unravel the mystery surrounding the house and Mabels disappearance. This one has some of THE most stunning prose I have ever come across and features haunted houses, fae magic, absolutely unhinged woman, complex characters and a beautifully crafted wlw romance between the two main characters that manages to get me every time (it’s about the yearning…. the devotion….). It has three completed seasons that can be listened to as a complete story (with the potential for more to come though), I 100% recommend it and even though it has a bit of a slow start you will NOT regret listening to it.

HELLO FROM THE HALLOWOODS

Really sweet horror/fantasy podcast about a dying earth beset with supernatural horrors afte mysterious black rains caused a supernatural forest to cover the entire planet. The entire thing is narrated by an elder god of dreams and follows a large cast of characters and stories that eventually weave together into a larger plot over time. Incredibly queer and has something for anyone in its large cast of characters and range of stories even though it takes a while for it all to come together. The whole thing focuses on finding hope and light at the end of the world and how people and their relationships with each other matter despite everything. Has a completed first season and is releasing its second one this year. Incredibly easy to binge with really soothing narration.

WHERE THE STARS FELL

Very fun gravity-falls-style-fantasy podcast that centres around Dr. Edison Tucker, an eccentric scientist with a fascination with the supernatural that likely stems from the fact that she is unable to die or be injured. Ed has set her sights (and grant money) on the little middle-of-nowhere town of Jerusalem, widely known as the strangest town in America, where she heads to investigate the mysteries lurking just beyond the treeline and to clash homoerotically completely reasonably with her new roommate: renowned author Lucille Kensington, who’s hiding a fair few secrets of her own. Really fun characters and an intriguing mystery plus if you’re as much as a sucker for the enemies-to-begrudging-allies-to-tentative-friends-to-maybe-more dynamic as I am then this one is definitely a real treat! Has the full first season out with s2 coming soon.

THE HEART OF ETHER

Horror podcast that follows Irene Gray who, years after her girlfriend Rose mysteriously disappeared, moves to the small town of Daughtler Washington to start a new chapter in her life. The whole thing is told through messages Irene records for Rose and various other sources as she begins to dive deeper into the mysterious and terrifying forces surrounding Daughtler, it’s residents, and perhaps even Rose’s disappearance all those years ago. Its a really good meditation on grief and mental health with a really interesting main character and driving conflict, with worldbuilding and depth that really picks up in s2. I’d strongly recommend it if you want a shorter listen with a strong emotional conflict, excellent voice acting and slowly building tension. It’s on a hiatus but with a full season one and part of season two out currently.

(i have a LOT of other great shows but these ones all came out with a similar kind of genre/theme going and the list was getting pretty long lol. i thought these ones kinda fit the ✨vibes✨ of your blog from what i’ve seen) (i hope this didn’t get to long and rambling)

[memeorb]

i disagree, c!dream was for sure intending to harm c!tommy. not a "means to an end" (i don't get this?? /gen how can weeks of emotional mental and physical abuse be a means to an end ';;). he outright said it, "you're too fun" or "our story will never end" remember those lines? i also don't get how you're more lenient to the entirety of exile where c!dream had all his power and decided to abuse it for "fun", but not lenient with c!tommy when confronting his abuser ;; ?

/rp

You have to remember that in order to understand the motives behind Dream's actions, you can't just take everything he says at face value, because unlike most of the other characters, he lies a lot, mostly to his enemies and those he's not sided with, and he only shares his true intentions and plans with those he trusts, which we don't tend to see. So, in order to understand his motivations, you have to look at his actions, the few times you know he's being honest, and the things the content creators confirm about him. You can't just assume based on two things he said in a mostly unrelated event that happened quite a while after.

(Side note, this next part isn't me defending Dream's actions in exile; they were fucked up, everyone knows that. I'm explaining his motivations and thought processes. And also remember that dream is a very unreliable narrator, so thought processes isn't always gonna line up with reality)

Dream's main goal, as confirmed by cc!Dream, was to return the server to how it was before L'manburg came along, when it felt more like one big family, instead of several disconnected factions. And most of what he does is to achieve this goal, for example, the reason he wanted to get rid of L'manburg was because it devided the server by introduced factions and causing so many conflicts.

Around the time Tommy griefed George's home, Dream concluded that Tommy was a major source of a lot of conflicts, and one of the main reasons the server was so divided now. After all, Tommy had not only been one of the founders of L'manburg, but he was the only citizen of it who was known for griefing, stealing, and causing problems for those outside L'manburg. So Dream decided to exile Tommy, thinking this would stop the problems.

Then the next step was to make sure Tommy didn't just leave exile. So Dream threatens Tommy to make him too scared to go back. Dream manipulates him into thinking no one in L'manburg cares about him, so he won't want to go back, and pretends to be his freind, so he'll want to stay in exile anyway. He visited every day to keep an eye on Tommy and destroyed his armour and tools to keep him too weak to rebel. (those are all the main things Dream did in exile, I dont know what you meant my physical abuse /gen)

All these things, over the two weeks of exile, definitely were abuse, but they were all different methods to keep Tommy away from L'manburg, and by extention, stop something Dream thought was dividing the server. And while Tommy was absolutely harmed by exile, that was only a byproduct that Dream was willing to ignore if it meant achieving his goal.

Regarding the second point about me being lenient with exile, and not lenient with Tommy confronting Dream:

When I do analysis I avoid giving my personal opinions unless its necessary, because I want my analyses to be as unbiased as possible. In the analysis you're referencing I'm trying to predict who's more likely to be cruel in the future, by looking at the motivations for Dream and Tommy's bad actions towards each other, and my opinions wouldn't be helpful when predicting that.

So when I said Dream abusing Tommy in exile was to achieve a goal, not for fun or for the sake of hurting him, I wasn't trying to be lenient with Dream; I was using known information about his motivations. And when I said Tommy is more likely to act cruel out of hatred, I was only using information we know to be true about him.

Also, seeing as I was trying to only look at facts in that post, what would being lenient with Tommy have even been? Would it have been treating the way he acted towards Dream in prison as "confronting his abuser", when in reality what he did was harassment? If I did that, it would be dishonest and would have hindered the analysis. Would it have been to give my opinions on whether or not I think Tommy was as morally accountable for how he acted, or look at if Dream deserved it or something? That really didn't seem important to the discussion. /gen

[i-prefer-the-term-antihero]

Additionally, your thoughts on Dracula and Adrian from the Netflix adaptation of Castlevania? I find Dracula really tragic, and the ending scene of Season 2 crushed me because I was not expecting Adrian to cry. He’s usually so stoic and calm that I didn’t think he would weep, I expected him to just shrug it off like heroes usually do, but no, when given time to process everything, the first thing he does is break down into tears. Sypha was right in calling him a brooding teen in an adult body.

Ohh man. If you just take a look at my writing blog (or anywhere I post my fanfiction) it’ll become pretty clear pretty quickly how I feel about them XD So far all my Castlevania fics have been about the Tepes Family. Adrian and Drac are my favorite characters in the series!! (Though I do love pretty much all the characters in it.)

YES YES YES!!

They did an incredible job making Drac sympathetic and tragic. I don’t know if you know anything about the games, and granted, they couldn’t put a lot of story stuff in the games, but (at least as far as I’m aware) in most of them it’s like “ya, he was an evil dude who did evil things because he was evil.” So it actually would have been pretty accurate to the source to make him just an unsympathetic, irredeemable villain, but they didn’t and I LOVE them for it. Playing Symphony of the Night (Alucards game) after watching the series l was almost longing for that Drac I know and love from the series, (though it’s fun to see evil Drac too).

As I’ve said, I adore redeemable villains, and they did an amazing job with him, to the point where pretty much everyone in the fandom adores him, which is extremely tough to accomplish—even if you write a redeemable villain well, often large parts of the fandom don’t see it and hate the character. I knew that the point was that they were going to defeat Drac but I have to say, especially since I originally knew nothing of the games, I was hoping they’d save him by the end.

I think the fact that he liked and was kind to Hector and Isaac was evidence that he wasn’t too far gone. I mean, the only two people he genuinely trusted and liked in his court were human…that’s so interesting, I wish it was at least talked about, either in the show or in the fandom. I think he actually liked humans, partially or especially because of Lisa, he just...was so angry, and needed someone to blame. He probably ultimately blamed himself for not being there to save her, and it was just easier to blame the humans he once hated/didn’t understand, even if in reality he didn’t hate them as much as he thought he did...

Doing more thinking and research into the show for my “If These Walls Could Talk” fic I recognize now that symbolically it made sense even within the show that he died when Lisa died (which I can explain more about if you want but id probably end up going off on a long tangent so I’ll save it)...but I still thought practically, in the show, he could have still been redeemed.

Omg I LOVED that. The longer I take to sit with it, the more I realize just how much I loved that they put him crying instead of shaking it off.

It’s very interesting that Drac and Alucard are more openly emotional characters. I might be totally wrong, but as far as I remember, they (...and Lisa when she dies, and probably Isaac in a flashback), are the only main characters we see openly cry. It’s a pretty bold move to make any of your characters emotional like that, but especially your villain, and your bold handsome hero. It’s sooo easy to get emotional characters and emotions wrong…or just offputting to some people...but more on that later.

I think Adrian and Drac are both rather sentimental, in an odd way. Much of Drac’s motivations in the show and even in the games (the times his motivations are explained) had to do with his wives (yes he was married before Lisa in the games...unless Lament of Innocence was retconned...) which is interesting. So many of his decisions are based on emotion. He lets Lisa in just because he likes her, he goes to war with the world because of Lisa, he sits in his study mourning her loss, he let’s Alucard kill him… I also notice very often he digs his nails into his palms until they bleed, presumably because if he didn’t he’d hurt someone else (in the scene where he hurts Alucard, he does this). His sentimentality doesn’t diminish is power as a villain, which is SO difficult to accomplish.

 I am emotional myself so I absolutely love to see emotional characters, but for most people, seeing even a normal character be emotional diminishes them in their eyes, or makes them whiny, so making your villain even a little emotional, and having that not take away from the audiences perception of their power as a villain is sooooooo hard to do, and I applaud them for making a so well-beloved, and still villainous and intimidating, but also emotional (at times) villain.

For Alucard. I don’t see any problem with him being emotional, but it makes even more sense if he’s a teen in an adult’s body—which was indeed portrayed quite well.

Yes that was interesting when he cried when drawing his parents!! I wasn’t expecting that when I saw him drawing them. I was enjoying and intrigued by his story so much, then when he started crying I was caught off guard—but in a good way. It really made me feel for him, and understand that he was still grieving his mother, and that knew the gravity of what he was currently doing.

I think it’s kind of important to show that kind of thing in a situation like this. It’s easy to think Alucard hates his dad, and they need to show the emotion of the situation to make it clear “no he doesn’t hate his dad, this actually breaks his heart, he just knows he has to do this.”

I loved when he was telling Trevor and Sypha about how much the world would lose by killing Dracula. It’s really interesting that he hides his emotion with them, and that Trevor and Sypha are so stoic. The son of Dracula isn’t the guy you expect to be the only hero who cries.

In “For Love” when Trevor’s like “Don’t get weepy about it” I was sitting there, sobbing, like “No, please get weepy about it! Let the boy cry for goodness sake!! Give me some emotion!!” But I too was not expecting him to cry like he did, and in grieving the death of his parents...

I knew the crying scene was coming because I’d seen pictures of it on here and pinterest, but I had no context for it. In the end it wasn’t just the weeping itself that made the scene so impactful, it was everything surrounding it. I didn’t know it would happen when he was completely alone (and would be for the foreseeable future), and in grieving his parents, or about the ghosts/flashbacks before it (cementing his grief), or that it was literally the last scene of the season, or that there would be no music for both the scene and the credits thereafter.

And that was what really got me.

Because, firstly, we never got to see any flashbacks to his childhood, and that was what I was begging for the entire series (and hence why its what I write about). To finally get it, and it not to just be something the audience gets to see, but something Alucard himself is seeing... a happy memory he’s seeing when he knows that is completely gone, he cannot hope to have it again, and for him to now be in his father’s place…that’s heartbreaking. Like just having your character cry—let alone those kinds of full-on sobs—is painful enough, showing a son grieving his parents is a particularly heart wrenching kind of sadness, but showing that he is haunted by memories of those parents he lost—not only lost but one of which he killed, and, if SOTN is canon for the show, the other of which he could have saved—of a happy childhood, and he is alone with these memories for the foreseeable future...that is truly heart wrenching.

Also the scene with Trevor and Sypha in the wagon earlier in the episode was super sweet, they could have easily put the Adrian crying scene earlier, and had the Trevor and Sypha scene be the last scene of the season (and Trevor’s game actually does end with them looking into the sunset, so ending with the last scene of “For Love” would be accurate as well), and left it on a positive note, and the audience would have been left with a completeness. But they made a conscious choice put his crying scene last, and it was so powerful, because it made you remember that at the end of the day, he isn’t just our bold handsome hero, he was a son who lost both his parents, and that, to him, this isn’t really a triumph, but a loss. It also kinda confirmed that Drac wasn’t an "evil guy, end of story". That there was reason to grieve him, and to show his son grieving, and to leave it there because of it. It was a personal gravity too

In the end, it was the lack of music in the scene, and even more so during the credits, so theres only his tears, and all you are left with in the end is this amplified emptiness that really did me in. I think I literally sat there, tear tracks on my face, my mouth open when I hit the credits.

Playing Symphony of the Night after watching the show is really interesting in exploring his character. I knew there was very little story, so I wasn’t expecting much from the story, but I actually found that I was beyond excited whenever there actually was some story, and the few lines they did say are stuck with me.

Maria comments early on that Alucard’s not very good at talking. At first I just chalked it up to...weird translations or whatever. But the more I played the game and the more I thought about him in the show...I think she’s right. He’s not very good at talking, yet if and when he does talk he’s quite eloquent, and precise with his words. (This actually makes him a somewhat difficult character to write). I wonder if perhaps this has some connection to his emotionalness. He’s very careful with what he says, and this may spread to what he does—such as being careful when he shows emotion. I’m curious why he’s like this. It could just be his nature, but I wonder if as a kid he was ever hated because he was a vampire—maybe people made fun of him, and he cried, and they made more fun of him because of it—and he learned both to hide his emotions, and that he had to be very deliberate and show people he didn’t mean any ill will with his words. (And he looks older than he is so people might call him immature for acting his mental age). All very speculative, of course. But it’d be fun to write about!

Also, another thing from SOTN that is related to this topic, there was a fight that really struck me (enough I actually wrote a fic about it (inverted recurrence)). SOTN takes plays 300 years after the events of The Netflix Series (aka Dracula’s Curse). Most of the bosses don’t seem to have a lot of meaning story-wise, they’re just there for you to fight. The other day I (Alucard) walked into a boss room...and there were Trevor, Sypha, and Grant (who was omitted from the Netflix series). They were fake versions of them, of course. And there’s no dialogue in the fight so maybe I’m just speculating, but what struck me was that the fact that Dracula could use them against him probably means he still cares about them, even after 300 years. It probably also means that they’re some of the only friends he’s ever had. Granted, he was asleep for a good chunk of those 300 years, still. It goes back to that sentimental-ness I was talking about earlier.

I few years ago I watched the Gravity Falls commentaries, and from them I got a lot of the writing advice I still think about and use today. Alex Hirsch said something on this subject which I really liked which is “Hold your tears.” When a character cries they’ve broken, that’s as far as they can go. So if you make a character cry when the audience themselves doesn’t feel the weight of the scene, or it doesn’t feel like the character has broken yet, it can feel like too...much/cheesy, and distance the audience. especially with cartoons where the way it’s drawn can actually affect your sympathy for the character (it can look weird or accentuated).

They did such an awesome job with this by literally holding his tears until the very end. I don’t know how other, non-emotional people felt about it, but Ive don’t know if I’ve ever seen tears used so well in a show, pack such a punch. To have it not just be a part of the scene but literally the focus, and at the end...it was powerful.

Sorry for the long response, and more importantly, I’m beyond sorry for taking so so SOOO long to respond. I hope you enjoy my response, if you see it <3

P.S. For anyone else who made it all the way to the end, I actually have a Castlevania sideblog now: @symphonyofthewrite !! I’d be beyond happy to recieve asks like this over there, if you’d like to hear more of my thoughts!!

[radiovisual]

(( quick, post the introspective baby thoughts before all the mutuals wake up--

(( honestly like... im gonna try not to get Into it bc this post is abt my Alastor, but to preface, i just gotta say. The way fandom usually tends to approach the concept of canon characters having Babies has always Severely weirded me out, and i only recently figured out Why, and how exactly to put it into words.

(( its by no means a bad thing--its just fictional fun, i know!--but the portrayal of pregnancy and surprise children always being a very "oh no, look at this pregnancy test! Im PrEgNaNt, this is a travesty! I HAVE to keep it though, because everyone else wants me to so we can have a little tiny version of me to dote on a get into shenanigans about heehee haha!" Is... frustrating. To say the least.

(( and its... important to me, that You all know that when i talk about my alastor having kids, or wanting kids, that that's not the way I look at it. Thats not at all the way i envision it, or look at it. In another case of me being Classic Lil Old Me, a lot of these feelings i give Alastor are me projecting my own experiences with the topic on him, and me taking the opportunity to live them vicariously.

(( Alastor looked up to his mother, and by extension, his aunts and grandmother so, so much. Growing up he saw them all go through a lot of hardship, and still doing what they could to take care of their children, to keep them happy and safe, and to help them feel free and boundless--like they could go out in the world and do anything they could dream of. And he also saw mothers who clearly weren't ready to be mothers. Women who resented their children, and often only coasted by giving them the bare minimum, or were downright cruel to them. These experiences in his childhood were very formative for him as a person, and they sculpted his feelings on the prospect of having children quite a bit--in having seen both the best and the worse, he made the conscious choice that when he had children one day (never if--always w h e n), he would take these lessons he learned from watching others, and that he would use them to do his damndest to give his child the best, happiest childhood possible.

(( the main reason he never got around to it was because he was so apprehensive around men--particularly the ones stemmed from how his father was. His primary source of information on how fathers were was in his own--a man who was inexplicably possessive, volatile, and unforgiving, who expected to have total control over the lives of both the mother and child at all times, regardless of marital, living, or financial status. He expected everything to belong to him simply by virtue of having added a single ingredient to the family pot. And while they were less drastic or important in his formation of these feelings, Alastor noticed a watered down version of this mentality in pretty much every adult man he met in his entire life--and it didnt sit well with him in the slightest.

(( an overbearing, abusive father who refuses to back off would throw a major wrench in his plans to give his child a worry-free life, as you can imagine. As would financial troubles--though he would admit, choosing to pursue a career over family was moreso an excuse to keep his mind of his father anxieties--and the fact that he was just too nervous to try to find a solution to that problem.

(( and then he died. And he never got the chance to go through with any of his plans. That lost opportunity, that grief over wasting his chance, was another othe the puzzle pieces in the collage of grievances the spurred his explosive reaction to arriving in hell, and the destruction and ruin that followed.

(( he doesn't know it, but because ive decided to go through with making him half hellborn, ive also decided that he does have the potential to get pregnant still--just to sooth my own aching heart. Even if it never happens on this blog, just the potential being there makes me happy. And should be ever find out--he'd be very happy too. And far more eager to actually pursue that wish of his, likely without much thought to how being in Hell will complicate matters and make his goal that much harder to achieve.

((If it happened, whether or not hed regret it would depend quite a bit on the specifics of the situation--but that regret would always be for failing to think it through, and forcing his innocent child to live a life condemned without any way out. Not for realizing he didnt really want children. He's spent his whole life thinking about it. Hed never expect it to be easy, and he believes that fact is important to the experience--and perhaps indeed even the point. That he should be able to handle all of the bad things, so that his child wont be the one suffering through them.

[graffitibible]

i saw your most recent post about jet and ghoul and their synchronization and i also thought of that one frame where they both shoot the gas station guy beside kobra... why do you think they were pictured in sync in almost every one of their music video shots?

i’m not sure if that was the intention that they consistently be in constant sync with each other while they were shooting/editing/putting the video together, but it’s definitely something that comes across in the final product. most of the time when i’m analyzing something i don’t assume that it’s 100% intentional, but intent doesn’t matter because it means that it’s something i can extrapolate characterization from and make use of. 

the more frame by frame breakdowns of the mvs i do (which i do a lot, lol) the more i notice that ghoul and jet seem to have a knack for nonverbal back-and-forth in very critical moments. right here they aren’t even looking at each other.

(source)

they seem to have an innate sense for it, though i’d guess that some if it has to do with the high-adrenaline lifestyle they’re in. in the zones, you have to be ready to draw your weapon at a moment’s notice. the other distinct moment is the one you mentioned, when kobra is being...potentially threatened? we don’t have enough of the context to know if that’s the case or if this is just the two of these guys shooting dead pegasus employees for kicks, but again it speaks a lot to how well they work together that they don’t have to glance at each other to confirm that this is what they’re doing. they have the same thought, and they act on it at the same time without any distinct cue from either one of them.

(source)

in general, the fabulous four are super in sync with one another without needing to do a lot of verbal confirmation, but jet and ghoul in particular are a highlight for me, in part because one of those moments is so climactic and says so much with very little. they don’t so much as exchange a word to each other in SING when ghoul shuts the door behind jet. 

(source)

jet stops and runs back for the girl almost at once, but only needs a glance back at ghoul. this is a high-stakes, intense moment for both of them as characters. they’ve just lost their leader and the kobra kid. poison was cut down because korse is sneaky and determined, and kobra died because he was pissed that poison just got downed and he ate heat rampaging over it. 

but jet and ghoul keep their cool. they do not panic. they don’t rage like kobra did. they’re down half their crew, but they still have a job to do, and they’re still going to do it.

so jet trades one look at ghoul. ghoul doesn’t need to gesture, doesn’t need to shout. they just look at each other for half a second, if that. it’s a very tiny moment, but it communicates a lot - because jet only needs to glance to ghoul once, and that’s all the confirmation he needs about what ghoul intends to do.

(source)

between one breath and the next, they’ve made a plan and acted on it. and that’s part of what makes this moment super poignant to me. because unlike the case with poison (surprise attacked) or kobra (understandably driven to rage and grief in an emotionally-charged moment), jet and ghoul go down on their own terms - terms that they make with each other mere seconds before it all happens.

they have a very good system of communication, basically, and it’s one that’s almost entirely nonverbal - we wouldn’t hear them if they were talking to each other in any of these scenes, but they're definitely not talking in any of them either. there’s just no time for that. they’re just very fucking excellent at doing this entirely nonverbal back and forth with one another, even when shit is at its very lowest, even when death is imminent, even after they’ve just watched two of their own die.

again, was this 100% intentional on the part of the video direction? who knows! probably not, but it’s fun to analyze anyway. poison and kobra have a natural seamlessness in how they work with each other, which lends itself well to the common consensus that they’re siblings (something i 100% accept because i love me some good sibling dynamics), but ghoul and jet also have a super interesting dynamic to me. there’s a lot of innate trust there, i think - there would have to be, for you to trust someone to watch your back like that! a lot of the mvs are just visual storytelling at its finest, because they manage to pack a lot of information into a select handful of shots, including group dynamics like this one.

to me, my main takeaway from this (aside from the fact that jet and ghoul exchanges are some of my favorite ones to write) is that, in order for the fabulous four to function as well as we see them in the mvs, they eventually reach this point of unconditional faith in one another. no matter how different they might be as people and no matter the disparity in their potential backgrounds, no matter how long it takes to reach that point, we have jet and ghoul acting with this fluid synchronicity that’s at such a polish that they don’t even need to talk to each other.

this was an essay and a half on how much i love watching the ghoul-jet dynamic play out but yeah that’s the gist of it! i don’t think it was necessarily an intentional choice that these two have that kind of implicit trust in each other, but why shouldn’t we analyze it anyway? it’s there. and it says a lot, no matter what might have been intended. 

[mdzs-overthink-athon]

Adaptations - Part 6: One down

(Masterpost)

This scene appears in:

Mo Dao Zu Shi novel Chapter 4

Mo Dao Zu Shi manhua Chapters 7 & 8

Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua Episode 1

The Untamed / Chen Qing Lin drama Episode 1

At first glance, the different versions are very similar for this scene. It goes thus:

Mo Ziyuan (i.e. chief bully cousin dude of Mo Xuanyu) is found dead (or, in drama-verse, becomes ambiguously possessed / passed out). Also I finally remembered to mention his name, now that he’s maybe dead.

MXY is blamed for the death and dragged out of his hovel.

Madame Mo tries to stab MXY for revenge, and he is saved by LSZ.

The juniors notice a spirit-attraction flag on the body, with WWX/MXY’s help, and conclude that MZY brought the whole thing on himself.

WWX notices one scar has disappeared, meaning the fact that he originally invented the flags is enough to make the death(?) his doing (convenient!)

Grieving and furious Madame Mo takes out her anger on the juniors, and WWX defends them and reminds her that her dead / not-quite-dead-yet son is an idiot.

So the big obvious main difference between the versions here is in CQL, Mo Ziyuan doesn’t die. Except... I’m pretty sure eventually he does, along with the rest of his family. I am chalking this ambiguity up to censors wanting WWX to be less ‘morally grey’ than in the original novel, and a character dying because of him, even in a roundabout way, at the start was a bit much for them. 

Here are a few other things that the different adaptations give us:

What the donghua has that the others don’t: a mother’s grief.

None of us reading this are probably Mme. Mo’s biggest fans. That said, there are very few mothers who wouldn’t feel / act this way when finding their young son is a drained husk of his former self, and who wouldn’t in turn react with anger and attempts to blame a handy fall-guy when told he brought it on himself. In the drama, she doesn’t have the chance to really grieve as his status is ambiguous, so she’s just upset and angry and lashing out. In the manhua, she just seems... bitchy.

Even when there are tears, they’re portrayed as crocodile tears, more for the purpose of blaming WWX/MXY than any real grief.

This fits the stock character type she’s meant to be, but seems very uncreative to me. I feel like she deserves to express some true pain and sadness at her son’s death, even if he is a bully and a generally terrible person.

What the drama has that the others don’t: The Pining.

We get two lovely bonus bits in the drama of WWX playing WangXian on a reed..

...along with some excellent foreshadowing when LSZ recognizes the tune...

...and WWX getting anxious about being recognized by Lan clan members without his mask...

Is that anxiety, or hope? What about the whole body-switching thing? Oh well...

There’s also just some brilliant facial expressions for Mo Ziyuan’s actor:

Don’t tell me it wasn’t fun and cathartic to play a possessed bad guy. I’d love to see him in something else, but not sure if he is ridiculously pretty enough to star in anything. Maybe as a supporting actor or a bigger villain part?

And the manhua...

Honestly for this scene I don’t feel like the manhua does it justice. It’s pretty, of course - the manhua is super pretty all the way through - but I don’t think it particularly adds anything in its portrayal of this scene.

My personal fav: I am going with the drama for this one, because I am a sucker for some WangXian pining, and because honestly I can overlook the ambiguously-dead, plot-threads-left-hanging part, because I think the most important thread going through this scene is the imminent meet-up with Mr. Boyfriend. This is a danmei, after all.

(Source: manhua) (Source: novel translation) (Source: donghua) (Source: drama)

[tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors]

Shed-Skin

Prologue: Waste Not, Want Not

Her plans haven’t been working out. She’s not entirely sure what happened, but She does know something went wrong. Good thing She’s got another one, and all it involves (for now) is waiting. She’s gotten good at that.

Warnings: Spooky Eldritch Shadow Nightmare Monster Mama being Eldritch (She’s doing Her best), referenced antagonist death, implied unsympathetic!Deceit?, vaguely implied gore, SESNMMama’s interpretation of main character death and grief, I’m trying to cover all my bases but honestly this isn’t that bad I think.

Words: 2658

Violet “Writing so good it gets a fandom wiki and fanfics based off it because not only is the world compelling, the characters believable, and the plot fantastic, they’re a fantastic, lovely, genuinely good person who manages to make everyone feel comforted by their mere presence” inspired me after 2 ½ years without writing. And because I’ve been reading LAOFT since… Brother came out I think? (gosh how has it been that long.) I decided to give in and do something for it. And as I started drafting, Putting Others First came out and gave us more of our Evil Just a Snek Boi and inspired me even more, and then I made up like 3 mental pages of true name lore for reasons that at the time of writing this isn’t /technically/ wrong, but two cakes! This cake just happens to consist purely of ultra-specific hyperfixation lore that I aggressively made to fit with my Plans. I could honestly rant about all my fun facts about this for days, but I’m trying to keep this coherent. (Tolkein I love you, but there is a time and a place for excessive worldbuilding) So if you love to hate The Serpent King, but also really like sympathetic Dee, well… So do I. And so, apparently, does my brain. I don’t know how long it will be, but the answer is going to be “too long”. I already have two chapters properly plotted out.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧-☙❀❧-☙✿❧-☙❀❧-☙✿❧-☙❀❧-☙✿❧-☙❀❧-☙✿❧

Something was Wrong. It was Spring, and it was far too dark. She liked the dark, and the cold, but everything had it’s time, and this was not the time. Her Virgil was awake, and Her town had changed, and Her Durant had a ghost. These were not Wrong. Her Virgil had only recently fallen asleep, being awake was his usual state. Her town was always changing, filled with mortals as it was, even with its ever-growing Presence. Her Durant having a ghost was new and unexpected, especially with the state it was in, but not Wrong. And if it was not Her Virgil, or Her town, or Her Durant, then it was Her. Her Forest was Wrong. And She did not remember Her Name. That was not Wrong, or even new or unexpected, but it was something She noticed, as She felt She had in the past. This was more disconcerting than it should have been though, so much that She nearly missed Her Younger Son dying. Key word being nearly.

That was not Wrong, but it was not Right either. It was the ghost’s fault, who was no longer Her Younger’s. Perhaps the ghost was more Wrong than She had thought. Catching Herself before She missed what was clearly Important, She focused, and there It was, the flickering remains of what She had given to make Her Durant. She pulled it back to Herself, returning the essence of Her Youngest to Its source before It could fade out of this world completely. A distant Part of Herself, the Part that still had a Name, felt like she should feel something… painful? Sadness was the closest match she had felt from Her Virgil, but that was Wrong. The thought that She should be feeling was Wrong too, so as with all that was Wrong She pushed it away, crushing it beneath Her Presence.

Turning Her attention to what She had gathered, She focused inward. It was easy to distinguish from the rest of Herself, with sharp edges and a coiling, scale-smooth surface, like the snake It had used to be part of. She started to Shape It, return It to Herself as It had been before She Made Her Youngest, but It would not stick. It molded Itself into Her shapes, broke and tore like Her Youngest’s body, and reformed together at a thought, as the rest of Her would, but It refused to return to Its original state, as part of Her. Unless… It was not? She had taken part of Herself, and Given it to Her Youngest, the closest she could come to Giving a Name, and She had done that as well. She had Named the parts She had Shaped into Her Youngest, and Her Virgil, and His Sisters. It made sense that They were no longer Her, as She had thought. This sharp, coiling, scaly shadow was not returning because It was already complete. It was what was left of Her Youngest, that She had Given to Him, and as a Gift It was not Hers to Take Back anymore. That… Complicated things.

She remembered Her Virgil telling Her that Her Youngest was Wrong, and She was dimly aware of talking, fretting, and explaining. Explaining what had happened. She was not sure She understood well, but She thought She understood well enough. Her Youngest had caused this Wrongness in her forest, this too dark Spring, or at least Her Virgil believed so. And Virgil was Her Regent. She could not return Her Youngest to the Courts while Virgil still lived, it would cause anger and sadness and more than likely end up in Her having to gather Her Youngest’s Essence again, it would not be worth it. She did not want to get rid of It, that would be a waste. Even waiting for Virgil to die would not be foolproof, though She had clearer knowledge of how Her Son was separated from Her, Virgil was still Like Her and could fade like She had. And even if Virgil did die, Her Youngest had not worked as he had been supposed to the last time. Her Youngest would need a guide, but there were none to be had at the moment, and She could not take that mantle on. So She resolved to put away the issue for the moment and turned Her focus to Her Son, and then to the Mortal, Witch, and Spring that seemed to have captivated Virgil. She examined them, curious as to why exactly they had caught Her Son’s eye. Apparently, however, Her interest caused them fear, so She decided to respect Virgil’s desire to have His Loves left alone. She had enough information now anyway.

One was a mortal. Blessed, but a mortal nonetheless. One was a witch, magical, but ultimately mortal as well. One was a Spring, a powerful one at that, but a green-man. Wild. Her Son was setting Himself up for sadness, yet they brought Him such joy. Every one of them was absolutely priceless to Him. This was Important. She pondered on this, though she kept it to the back of her mind. It seemed She needed to be more present, lest She cause Virgil undue concern. Then, so soon, She sensed joy coming off of Her Son like snowdrifts, and excitement. She did not remember Him ever being so happy, so She paid attention.

It was exhausting, forcing Herself to follow the days and nights alongside the Inhabitants of Her Forest, but soon enough it proved itself worth it as She watched Her Son and His Loves bind themselves together, swearing by Moon and Stars and Sun, and Dark and Light, and Rivers and Fire, and Air and Earth alongside everyone else They called Family. For the first time in centuries She Saw and Heard, instead of sensing, and tiring as it was She undeniably did not remember ever being so happy. She was There for Her Son’s Wedding! Time slipped by Her more than usual after that, but She was still Present, still Aware of when Virgil would speak to Her, and that was far more Important.

Then They began wanting a Child. She could not Feel the others, but Her Son felt Wrong, and as with all that was Wrong She wanted to push it away, to crush it beneath Her Presence, to make the Wrongness Right. Well, that was something She could help with. It had been some time since She had Made someone, but not nearly so long that She could not remember how. She was as gentle as She could be as She took what She needed from each of Them, gathering the pieces not all at once, but slowly. They wanted a Child, so she would make them a Proper Child. Bit by bit She balanced out what would make this new creation Different. On the First Day of Autumn, She was ready. The Child would have no Mothers, so a Name Given by a Grandmother would suffice.

I Name You Linda. You Are the Daughter of Winter, Mortal, Witch, and Spring. You Are a Lynx. You Are a Princess. You Are Autumn, Unseelie, and Fae. Wake.

There is less of a difference between Granddaughter Asleep and Awake than She expected, but the Witch-Hazel is blooming, and She must bring Her Son. It takes Pushing and Pulling, but Her Son goes, and brings Granddaughter to His Loves. She draws back. Everything has been going quickly, and She has not thought about what this, Her Son marrying His Loves, Her Making Granddaughter, means. So though She stays alert, Her focus shifts from Her Son and Granddaughter to Herself, and the issue of the sharp coil that remains safely tucked away. She thinks, and considers, and questions, and finally by the end of it all has a plan. All it involves for now is waiting. She has gotten good at that.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

The Witch died. She has a new word for a feeling, a name for the unnameable pain: grief. He had sworn on his body of Fire and Earth, and had fulfilled those vows. She does not remember it well, but the first time He met Her, He had tried to hide His fear with boldness and brightness, and kept His Spark until He could keep it no more. It is curious, She thinks, how Important one mortal witch could be. She leaves Her Son and the Mortal and the Spring and Granddaughter to mourn. (It feels Wrong, not being able to truthfully think “His Loves”, but this Wrong cannot be made Right. She can only push it away.)

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

Granddaughter was crying. Time was harder to grasp, but the Witch’s death had been three seasons ago. She was unsure of how long grief kept its hold, but Her Son and His remaining two Loves seemed better. She did not want Granddaughter to cry. Without thinking, She reached out a shadow and prodded at Granddaughter’s mind. An incomprehensible flood of feelings and words poured out, like blood from a wound. She cannot understand, cannot translate what She could do to Right this Wrong, cannot speak, but She tries her best, and sends an old picture, one of Her Son and His Sisters and Linda curled up together in an old hammock. It just makes Granddaughter cry harder. She leaves.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

    The Mortal is dead. No one is shocked, but that doesn’t seem to make Their grief any less. By the Rivers and Earth of His body he had sworn, and she remembers the rivers He had cried on that day. He tried to stay steady and grounded to counteract the Air in his Blessing, to keep Himself rooted even when everything seemed to be crumbling. She cannot bring Herself to feel much of anything, even though every moment She is aware of means a moment from which she can measure the time she has left to wait. She still does not understand. The part of Her that could have, perhaps, felt and empathized with Their grief is gone. But this time She does not ask. She does not understand, but She has learned that some Wrongs cannot be made Right, or pushed aside, or crushed. She does not like it, but lately She has learned She does not like many things, including, to Her surprise, waiting.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

    Granddaughter is mourning again. This is fresh, a mortal that Granddaughter had cared for had died. This mortal had not been Family, so She was confused in a way She thought she could fix. She reached out a shadow, but this time She did not prod, only wrapped Granddaughter’s wrist; gently, She remembered. She had never properly spoken to Granddaughter before, so She tried to send words instead of images as She asked

    Why do you grieve?

    Granddaughter startled, and couldn’t seem to respond. Flashes passed through Her, memories and feelings that She could only barely understand, until they stopped abruptly and were replaced with something She could.

    He was family.

    She understood what it meant, but did not understand why Granddaughter said that. They shared no blood, and had not bound themselves together through vows or oaths. But She did understand that Granddaughter meant it, and just because She did not understand, that did not mean it could not be understood. She let Granddaughter be.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

    Time passes. She has moved beyond Ancient, and can barely bring Herself to consciousness most of the time, let alone remembering. She does still remember some things, a blooming Witch-Hazel, Her Son, four pairs of hands bound together with silver, and Granddaughter, but sharpest of all is the Essence She holds that is Of Her and is Her no longer. She cannot remember what It is for, besides that She must Make something, but must wait to do so. There will come a day where Her Plan will be complete, and until then She must wait a while longer. She is simply waiting, season by season, cycle by cycle, until all at once She feels pain. For a single moment She thinks grief, then dismisses the thought. This is not just grief as She has learned to recognize it, this is Wrong. She gathers Herself and focuses on Her Son and His… heartbreak that even now is quickly dulling into shock.

    The Spring is gone, just as broken in body as Her Son in spirit. She switches focus to the pond where Granddaughter and Granddaughter’s Love and the Summer are, and cannot bother being gentle as She grabs Granddaughter’s attention.

    Grandmother?

    Come.

She registers confusion and hesitance and there was no time.

    Come now.

Granddaughter followed Her lead to Her Son and the moment Granddaughter saw the scene, She could feel it. But that did not matter, because Her Son could not live on without His last Love, so rule of Her Forest would pass to Granddaughter, and She was almost done waiting, but Her Son was dying here and now and She had to pay Attention. She tightened around Granddaughter as She spoke.

    Goodbye.

    She knew Granddaughter understood, as Her Son was laid down. She wrapped Herself around Their hands and tried to give reassurance.

    Mercy. Mercy.

    I know.

She forced herself to be Present as she had not been in centuries, Her Son deserved proper Words, and Granddaughter needed the comfort.

    My Son. My Son, Give Me Your Name.

    He was apologizing, and the Summer was soothing Him in a way She was unable to do. Though She could not soothe, this, finally, was a Wrong She could make Right.

    Dear Child. Your Name.

    I am Virgil. Spider Prince of the Winter Court, Lord of the Forest, Bruderspinne, Husband of Mortal, Witch, and Spring, Father of Autumn.

    A moment, a last goodbye, and then-

    Virgil. Spider Prince of the Winter Court, Lord of the Forest, Bruderspinne, Husband of Mortal, Witch, and Spring, Father of Autumn.

    Go Home.

    It is painless, and that may be the worst part. A string has been cut, severing Her Son, severing Virgil’s connection to life and to Her and to Her Forest and the heartbreak She had felt was gone but so was Her Son! She retreats, and thinks that perhaps She finally understands grief.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

As Her Forest changes, so does She. The Courts are in safe hands and as they are moving on, so is She as She begins to bring to fruition centuries worth of waiting. She knows that this will Right a Wrong, though She cannot remember what or why or how it was Wrong, She knows what and why and how She must do this. She takes the sharp, scale-smooth shadow and begins to work. Some pieces are taken out, and She does Her best to take this essence that She had Shaped before and return It to what She had first Made. It is memories that She most concerns Herself with, and it is difficult, delicate work based mostly off of half-present instincts. She takes immense care, both with cutting the memories and with the parts of Herself that She shapes and shaves off to Give. She tries to Give what She thinks She remembers Her First Creation had, things to soften Its sharp coils. It is nearly done when She lets It shift and slither to the Witch-Hazel. She Makes It a body, a little younger this time than before, and binds essence and form together. There is a child in the Witch-Hazel, who She does not think She should call Her Son, and who is the solution to a very old problem. It takes more effort than She’d like, but She coalesces to speak, to Give Him a Name from a Mother.

I Name You Durant. You Are a Snake. You Are a Prince. You Are Winter, Unseelie, and Fae. You will be Protected. Wake.

The Child wakes. For the first time in centuries, the Witch-Hazel is in bloom.

---

V: this is absolutely STUNNING and i love it so much! oh when i say i CRIED alskjak im so SOFT

[hopefullystillliving]

Shed Skin Prologue

Waste Not, Want Not

Her plans haven’t been working out. She’s not entirely sure what happened, but She does know something went wrong. Good thing She’s got another one, and all it involves (for now) is waiting. She’s gotten good at that.

|Chapter 1

Masterpost|LAOFT

Sympathetic!Deceit, past Unsympathetic!Deceit, Sympathetic!Remus, LAOFT Linda/Percy

Warnings: Spooky Eldritch Shadow Nightmare Monster Mama being Eldritch (She’s doing Her best), referenced antagonist death, implied unsympathetic!Deceit?, vaguely implied gore, SESNMMama’s interpretation of main character death and grief, I’m trying to cover all my bases but honestly this isn’t that bad I think.

Words: 2658

Violet "Writing so good it gets a fandom wiki and fanfics based off it because not only is the world compelling, the characters believable, and the plot fantastic, they're a fantastic, lovely, genuinely good person who manages to make everyone feel comforted by their mere presence" inspired me after 2 ½ years without writing. And because I've been reading LAOFT since... Brother came out I think? (gosh how has it been that long.) I decided to give in and do something for it. And as I started drafting, Putting Others First came out and gave us more of our Evil Just a Snek Boi and inspired me even more, and then I made up like 3 mental pages of true name lore for reasons that at the time of writing this isn’t /technically/ wrong, but two cakes! This cake just happens to consist purely of ultra-specific hyperfixation lore that I aggressively made to fit with my Plans. I could honestly rant about all my fun facts about this for days, but I’m trying to keep this coherent. (Tolkein I love you, but there is a time and a place for excessive worldbuilding) So if you love to hate The Serpent King, but also really like sympathetic Dee, well… So do I. And so, apparently, does my brain. I don’t know how long it will be, but the answer is going to be “too long”. I already have two chapters properly plotted out.

Originally submitted Here @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors. I also fixed the formatting.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧-☙❀❧-☙✿❧-☙❀❧-☙✿❧-☙❀❧-☙✿❧-☙❀❧-☙✿❧

Something was Wrong. It was Spring, and it was far too dark. She liked the dark, and the cold, but everything had it’s time, and this was not the time. Her Virgil was awake, and Her town had changed, and Her Durant had a ghost. These were not Wrong. Her Virgil had only recently fallen asleep, being awake was his usual state. Her town was always changing, filled with mortals as it was, even with its ever-growing Presence. Her Durant having a ghost was new and unexpected, especially with the state it was in, but not Wrong. And if it was not Her Virgil, or Her town, or Her Durant, then it was Her. Her Forest was Wrong. And She did not remember Her Name. That was not Wrong, or even new or unexpected, but it was something She noticed, as She felt She had in the past. This was more disconcerting than it should have been though, so much that She nearly missed Her Younger Son dying. Key word being nearly.

That was not Wrong, but it was not Right either. It was the ghost’s fault, who was no longer Her Younger’s. Perhaps the ghost was more Wrong than She had thought. Catching Herself before She missed what was clearly Important, She focused, and there It was, the flickering remains of what She had given to make Her Durant. She pulled it back to Herself, returning the essence of Her Youngest to Its source before It could fade out of this world completely. A distant Part of Herself, the Part that still had a Name, felt like she should feel something… painful? Sadness was the closest match she had felt from Her Virgil, but that was Wrong. The thought that She should be feeling was Wrong too, so as with all that was Wrong She pushed it away, crushing it beneath Her Presence.

Turning Her attention to what She had gathered, She focused inward. It was easy to distinguish from the rest of Herself, with sharp edges and a coiling, scale-smooth surface, like the snake It had used to be part of. She started to Shape It, return It to Herself as It had been before She Made Her Youngest, but It would not stick. It molded Itself into Her shapes, broke and tore like Her Youngest’s body, and reformed together at a thought, as the rest of Her would, but It refused to return to Its original state, as part of Her. Unless… It was not? She had taken part of Herself, and Given it to Her Youngest, the closest she could come to Giving a Name, and She had done that as well. She had Named the parts She had Shaped into Her Youngest, and Her Virgil, and His Sisters. It made sense that They were no longer Her, as She had thought. This sharp, coiling, scaly shadow was not returning because It was already complete. It was what was left of Her Youngest, that She had Given to Him, and as a Gift It was not Hers to Take Back anymore. That… Complicated things.

She remembered Her Virgil telling Her that Her Youngest was Wrong, and She was dimly aware of talking, fretting, and explaining. Explaining what had happened. She was not sure She understood well, but She thought She understood well enough. Her Youngest had caused this Wrongness in her forest, this too dark Spring, or at least Her Virgil believed so. And Virgil was Her Regent. She could not return Her Youngest to the Courts while Virgil still lived, it would cause anger and sadness and more than likely end up in Her having to gather Her Youngest’s Essence again, it would not be worth it. She did not want to get rid of It, that would be a waste. Even waiting for Virgil to die would not be foolproof, though She had clearer knowledge of how Her Son was separated from Her, Virgil was still Like Her and could fade like She had. And even if Virgil did die, Her Youngest had not worked as he had been supposed to the last time. Her Youngest would need a guide, but there were none to be had at the moment, and She could not take that mantle on. So She resolved to put away the issue for the moment and turned Her focus to Her Son, and then to the Mortal, Witch, and Spring that seemed to have captivated Virgil. She examined them, curious as to why exactly they had caught Her Son’s eye. Apparently, however, Her interest caused them fear, so She decided to respect Virgil’s desire to have His Loves left alone. She had enough information now anyway.

One was a mortal. Blessed, but a mortal nonetheless. One was a witch, magical, but ultimately mortal as well. One was a Spring, a powerful one at that, but a Green Man. Wild. Her Son was setting Himself up for sadness, yet they brought Him such joy. Every one of them was absolutely priceless to Him. This was Important. She pondered on this, though she kept it to the back of her mind. It seemed She needed to be more present, lest She cause Virgil undue concern. Then, so soon, She sensed joy coming off of Her Son like snowdrifts, and excitement. She did not remember Him ever being so happy, so She paid attention.

It was exhausting, forcing Herself to follow the days and nights alongside the Inhabitants of Her Forest, but soon enough it proved itself worth it as She watched Her Son and His Loves bind themselves together, swearing by Moon and Stars and Sun, and Dark and Light, and Rivers and Fire, and Air and Earth alongside everyone else They called Family. For the first time in centuries She Saw and Heard, instead of sensing, and tiring as it was She undeniably did not remember ever being so happy. She was There for Her Son’s Wedding! Time slipped by Her more than usual after that, but She was still Present, still Aware of when Virgil would speak to Her, and that was far more Important.

Then They began wanting a Child. She could not Feel the others, but Her Son felt Wrong, and as with all that was Wrong She wanted to push it away, to crush it beneath Her Presence, to make the Wrongness Right. Well, that was something She could help with. It had been some time since She had Made someone, but not nearly so long that She could not remember how. She was as gentle as She could be as She took what She needed from each of Them, gathering the pieces not all at once, but slowly. They wanted a Child, so she would make them a Proper Child. Bit by bit She balanced out what would make this new creation Different. On the First Day of Autumn, She was ready. The Child would have no Mothers, so a Name Given by a Grandmother would suffice.

    I Name You Linda. You Are the Daughter of Winter, Mortal, Witch, and Spring. You Are a Lynx. You Are a Princess. You Are Autumn, Unseelie, and Fae. Wake.

There is less of a difference between Granddaughter Asleep and Awake than She expected, but the Witch-Hazel is blooming, and She must bring Her Son. It takes Pushing and Pulling, but Her Son goes, and brings Granddaughter to His Loves. She draws back. Everything has been going quickly, and She has not thought about what this, Her Son marrying His Loves, Her Making Granddaughter, means. So though She stays alert, Her focus shifts from Her Son and Granddaughter to Herself, and the issue of the sharp coil that remains safely tucked away. She thinks, and considers, and questions, and finally by the end of it all has a plan. All it involves for now is waiting. She has gotten good at that.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

The Witch died. She has a new word for a feeling, a name for the unnameable pain: grief. He had sworn on his body of Fire and Earth, and had fulfilled those vows. She does not remember it well, but the first time He met Her, He had tried to hide His fear with boldness and brightness, and kept His Spark until He could keep it no more. It is curious, She thinks, how Important one mortal witch could be. She leaves Her Son and the Mortal and the Spring and Granddaughter to mourn. (It feels Wrong, not being able to truthfully think “His Loves”, but this Wrong cannot be made Right. She can only push it away.)

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

Granddaughter was crying. Time was harder to grasp, but the Witch’s death had been three seasons ago. She was unsure of how long grief kept its hold, but Her Son and His remaining two Loves seemed better. She did not want Granddaughter to cry. Without thinking, She reached out a shadow and prodded at Granddaughter’s mind. An incomprehensible flood of feelings and words poured out, like blood from a wound. She cannot understand, cannot translate what She could do to Right this Wrong, cannot speak, but She tries her best, and sends an old picture, one of Her Son and His Sisters and Linda curled up together in an old hammock. It just makes Granddaughter cry harder. She leaves.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

The Mortal is dead. No one is shocked, but that doesn’t seem to make Their grief any less. By the Rivers and Earth of His body he had sworn, and she remembers the rivers He had cried on that day. He tried to stay steady and grounded to counteract the Air in his Blessing, to keep Himself rooted even when everything seemed to be crumbling. She cannot bring Herself to feel much of anything, even though every moment She is aware of means a moment from which she can measure the time she has left to wait. She still does not understand. The part of Her that could have, perhaps, felt and empathized with Their grief is gone. But this time She does not ask. She does not understand, but She has learned that some Wrongs cannot be made Right, or pushed aside, or crushed. She does not like it, but lately She has learned She does not like many things, including, to Her surprise, waiting.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

Granddaughter is mourning again. This is fresh, a mortal that Granddaughter had cared for had died. This mortal had not been Family, so She was confused in a way She thought she could fix. She reached out a shadow, but this time She did not prod, only wrapped Granddaughter’s wrist; gently, She remembered. She had never properly spoken to Granddaughter before, so She tried to send words instead of images as She asked

    Why do you grieve?

Granddaughter startled, and couldn’t seem to respond. Flashes passed through Her, memories and feelings that She could only barely understand, until they stopped abruptly and were replaced with something She could.

    He was family.

She understood what it meant, but did not understand why Granddaughter said that. They shared no blood, and had not bound themselves together through vows or oaths. But She did understand that Granddaughter meant it, and just because She did not understand, that did not mean it could not be understood. She let Granddaughter be.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

Time passes. She has moved beyond Ancient, and can barely bring Herself to consciousness most of the time, let alone remembering. She does still remember some things, a blooming Witch-Hazel, Her Son, four pairs of hands bound together with silver, and Granddaughter, but sharpest of all is the Essence She holds that is Of Her and is Her no longer. She cannot remember what It is for, besides that She must Make something, but must wait to do so. There will come a day where Her Plan will be complete, and until then She must wait a while longer. She is simply waiting, season by season, cycle by cycle, until all at once She feels pain. For a single moment She thinks grief, then dismisses the thought. This is not just grief as She has learned to recognize it, this is Wrong. She gathers Herself and focuses on Her Son and His… heartbreak that even now is quickly dulling into shock.

The Spring is gone, just as broken in body as Her Son in spirit. She switches focus to the pond where Granddaughter and Granddaughter’s Love and the Summer are, and cannot bother being gentle as She grabs Granddaughter’s attention.

    Grandmother?

    Come.

She registers confusion and hesitance and there was no time.

    Come now.

Granddaughter followed Her lead to Her Son and the moment Granddaughter saw the scene, She could feel it. But that did not matter, because Her Son could not live on without His last Love, so rule of Her Forest would pass to Granddaughter, and She was almost done waiting, but Her Son was dying here and now and She had to pay Attention. She tightened around Granddaughter as She spoke.

    Goodbye.

She knew Granddaughter understood, as Her Son was laid down. She wrapped Herself around Their hands and tried to give reassurance.

    Mercy. Mercy.

    I know.

She forced herself to be Present as she had not been in centuries, Her Son deserved proper Words, and Granddaughter needed the comfort.

    My Son. My Son, Give Me Your Name.

He was apologizing, and the Summer was soothing Him in a way She was unable to do. Though She could not soothe, this, finally, was a Wrong She could make Right.

    Dear Child. Your Name.

    I am Virgil. Spider Prince of the Winter Court, Lord of the Forest, Bruderspinne, Husband of Mortal, Witch, and Spring, Father of Autumn.

A moment, a last goodbye, and then-

    Virgil. Spider Prince of the Winter Court, Lord of the Forest, Bruderspinne, Husband of Mortal, Witch, and Spring, Father of Autumn.

    Go Home.

It is painless, and that may be the worst part. A string has been cut, severing Her Son, severing Virgil’s connection to life and to Her and to Her Forest and the heartbreak She had felt was gone but so was Her Son! She retreats, and thinks that perhaps She finally understands grief.

☙❀❧-☙✿❧

As Her Forest changes, so does She. The Courts are in safe hands and as they are moving on, so is She as She begins to bring to fruition centuries worth of waiting. She knows that this will Right a Wrong, though She cannot remember what or why or how it was Wrong, She knows what and why and how She must do this. She takes the sharp, scaly shadow and begins to work. Some pieces are taken out, and She does Her best to take this essence that She had Shaped before and return It to what She had first Made. It is memories that She most concerns Herself with, and it is difficult, delicate work based mostly off of half-present instincts. She takes immense care, both with cutting the memories and with the parts of Herself that She shapes and shaves off to Give. She tries to Give what She thinks She remembers Her First Creation had, things to soften Its sharp coils. It is nearly done when She lets It shift and slither to the Witch-Hazel. She Makes It a body, a little younger this time than before, and binds essence and form together. There is a child in the Witch-Hazel, who She does not think She should call Her Son, and who is the solution to a very old problem. It takes more effort than She’d like, but She coalesces to speak, to Give Him a Name from a Mother.

    I Name You Durant. You Are a Snake. You Are a Prince. You Are Winter, Unseelie, and Fae. You will be Protected. Wake.

The Child wakes. For the first time in centuries, the Witch-Hazel is in bloom.

[withthekeyisking-writer]

What's your fav fic that you wrote yourself?

This is such a challenging question! Like asking which of my children is my favorite 😂 I could definitely tell you a few of my least favorite though lol, no prob. Some of my older stuff—oof.

Alright, so since I really can’t pick a singular fav (I currently have 101 posted works, that’s just not gonna happen) how about I give a top 10? Not exactly what you asked, but eh life is like that 😁

So, in no particular order, my top ten fav fics that I’ve written:

1. Starting with the one that’s a large presence in my mind, (No) Places of Safety. This fic is my baby right now, shaping up to be one of the biggest things I’ve ever written (already at 69k and not even close to done) which is super amazing, because I usually have a problem with sticking to things after a while. I really love the way I’ve handled Dick’s deteriorating mental state, and I love the fact that I know exactly where it’s going, and have from the very beginning (again, rare for me. Usually things come together as I’m writing, and while that’s still happening, it’s been awesome having an actual solid plan and destination). I love the universe I’ve set up here, and am so excited with every chapter to show you guys what comes next. Hell I love this universe so much that I already have the whole next fic planned out 😋

2. Next I’ll say Three Little Birds Sat On My Window. I loved writing a reverse batfam, and am so proud of the way this fic turned out. I really spent a lot of time trying to get everyone’s voices right, how different they would be considering how different their life experiences would be. Tim and Jason especially were important to get right, with Tim being the one who died instead. I always hated in reverse batfam fics when people just make Tim’s version of Red Hood exactly the same as what Jason was like, because they’re different people and would have different ways of approaching things. So even in just the little glimpses I wrote, I’m really proud of their characterizations, along with that of Damian and Dick! I’m just overall very proud of this fic, and definitely wan to write more of this AU at some point in the future.

3. Third we’ll go with An Active Imagination (and, with it, the sequel Rules of Architecture). Thinking about these fics and working on them ways makes me excited as a writer. Like I don’t really have a lot to say about these, just that I really love the way I handled Dick’s shifting mental state, going back and forth between the brainwashing and having him be not at all aware of what’s going on. I also love how super creepy Slade is lol, how unabashedly awful. Plus writing a BAMF Dick is always a blast, and the Dick in these two fics is especially badass.

4. Next up is Take My Hand Through the Flames, because writing dark!Dick was so fucking fun, and something I need to do again very soon. Dick is so messed up here, so blood-thirsty and masochistic and crazy, which is something that I’ve never been able to truly do when I mainly write Dick. So that plus building an Earth 3 universe (pulling in Joey and Rose and what Dick’s dynamic with Thomas is like) was a blast to do.

5. Hmmm then let’s go with If Night Falls in Your Heart (and am just now realizing how often I use song lyrics and quotes for my titles). Exploring the trauma of what Catalina and Mirage did to Dick was something necessary for me to write, and it helped me work through some of my own shit I was struggling with. (Writing is the best coping mechanism!) Dick desperately needs people to help him and tell him none of that was his fault, and since canon certainly isn’t going to do it, I took it upon myself lol. Plus I’ve become strangely fond Dave the Unimportant Villain 😂

6. Sixth on the list is How Arbitrary Fate Is, an AU I am extremely fond of and seriously need to come back to. Teen Titans (cartoon) ‘verse is always something I enjoy writing, and extending the apprentice arc, playing with Stockholm Syndrome, blending Dick’s loyalty to his friends with his growing loyalty to Slade, how he reaches acceptance that this is his life now—I am so proud of the way this fic turned out. I have an entire sequel planned out in my head, other things have simply taken precedent. I will come back to it, though. Lol I want to scream from the rooftops to get everyone to love this fic as much as I do 😁

7. Now I’ll say A Current of Fate, which is something I go back and forth on loving but it always draws my attention back to it. I hate that I’ve set it aside for so long, I think there’s so much fucking potential in this world I’ve set up, and I really want everyone to see the way it’s playing out in my head!! But for that I’d actually have to keep writing it lol, the horror. Sometime soon (when I have less active projects on my hands) I’ll go back to this fic and edit it a little, update it to how much more confident I’ve become in my writing, especially of DC characters. Also Chapter 4 has been half written for literally a year now and it has Black Mask in it; since beginning that chapter I’ve become far more familiar with Roman (and written a lot of him lol) so reworking that chapter in the main priority, and then I think I can really move forward with this fic. I know exactly what happens, I just have to get there!! (Coincidentally, today is the year anniversary of the last time I updated this.)

8. Leaving the DC fandom, next we’re going with The Source of Grief. My Harry Potter fics have been touch and go, I can admit that, but I’m very proud of this one. I really loved doing the outside POV, everyone observing the actions of Harry and not really knowing who he is or what his motives are. I also got to address all my feelings about Severus Snape, which was awesome. Just, fixing problems and making things better was wonderful to write, and I got to put in some subtle Wolfstar lol, and talk about how Regulus Black doesn’t get enough credit. Idk, I’m kind of rambling, but I’m proud of this fic.

9. Ninth is One of the Legion Lost (plus its sequel Want the Strange and New). They’re both my Fuck You to Infinity War lol (which I liked a lot more than I know most people do, but still it needed some help). Loki is one of my favs, and bringing him into the plot of the movie and adjusting things from there is the kind of thing I love to do—what are the repercussions if just one thing is different? Also I enjoyed exploring the magic of the infinity stones! There was so much that could be done with them, with their level of sentience that was never really expanded upon, so I liked doing that.

10. Now we have People Who Move the World. A James Bond & Sherlock crossover, where Q and Jim are brothers. I got super far in this fic! 15 chapters and 94k, it’s a real beast. I love how I wrote Q, his relationship with Jim and Bond and Sherlock, and the odd little Q/Mycroft ship that I’ve become strangely fond of considering how strange the ship is lol. Just writing a bunch of absolute geniuses BAMFs ruling the world and making things go the way they want to them. Like, Q and Jim make such an awesome team and I know it’s such a niche fic but I’m really proud of it. Sucks that a majority of the ideas dried up lol, because I’m very pleased with what I created.

+1: Honorable mention! Breathe with Confidence. First time I ever wrote anything in the Star Wars universe, and it’s absolutely something I’m gonna have to come back to. The AU has a lot of potential, and I know exactly how I’d address the future of Dick’s story. Plus some side fics of the family’s reactions to what happened, the confusion over Dick’s disappearance. And in this fic itself I liked writing Slade’s manipulations, Dick’s desires, the small amounts of background I included. Idk, I just think this world is super cool.

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this long drawn out thing! Probably more info than you were looking for 😁😅

[fuck-customers]

Starting to think this one manager is either terrible at her job or trying to screw me over

Back from JT Xamm. So we have one manager who’s been with us since opening, who started out as an assistant manager and his since moved up. No qualms there originally. She’s generally a nice person, I thought. But overtime she’s done some things to really leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Had one shift that I stay a bit longer for to help out and add an hour onto my work. I’d have gone until close except I would have had to take a lunch and end up being paid for the same amount of hours. The manager in charge of scheduling and the person we tend to treat like HR was the person I spoke with on that. (No complaints there, she’s amazing) So as I’m about to head out 30 minutes before closing the problem manager tells me that all I have to do is take another 15 minutes and I’ll be okay to work until close. I take her word for it, and then as I’m heading back to the front run into my other manager who’s confused as to why I’m still there. Turns it that’s a hard no, and I had to race to clock out before I ended up in violation for not taking a lunch.

After she got promoted she did a lot of openings including coming in to set up the markdown team. Our team is two main people(me and and a coworker) and the. The occasional extra person. Mostly it’s just us. We’re good at markdowns and have been doing them for over six months. We know what we’re doing and we do it pretty well. Unfortunately manager didn’t get that memo. She didn’t give us the sheet telling us the departments to markdown, and instead dictated the first two she wanted done. While getting a certain area done first if it’s a lot or in the way of customers is all fine and dandy, having to stop every other department to track her down and wait for her to tell us what to do next was a time wasting pain. Store manager found out and set her straight after complaints.

Then comes the Fourth of July. That’s unfortunately my birthday. My personal life got turned end over end over the winter, and I was kinda bummed and ready to forget about the danm thing if I could. But my coworker remembered and told a lot of people and then went and bought me some gummy bear and a nightshirt from our store. It was a super sweet gesture and it cheered me up a lot. So I’m there until close and go put my gift in my locker. Once we’ve closed up I go get my stuff and we wait to lock up the doors. Problem manager is closing and was giving me grief over not telling people about my birthday (?????why??? It’s not important to most folks? We don’t do anything for those, so...) and she sees my bag. I’ve already eaten the gummy bears on break, but my nightshirt is there and there’s not a receipt. No tag either, but whatever. So I’m told by problem manager that without the receipt from my coworker it has to go up front. This despite the person who oversaw that transaction pointing out that she could confirm my coworker bought it for me. I don’t have any of my coworkers contacts so I can’t ask her if she still has it. I have to wait until we’re both there. I left to go home and sit with my cat, because outside of my grandparents and cousin that was the only gift I got, and it meant a lot, and I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to be able to prove it had been purchased.

So fast forward to a few days later when we’re both there and all my other coworkers now know the story. Most tell me I should’ve walked out with it anyway, but are hard on that gossip train. My coworker who bought the gift comes in and hears It and is understandably upset. Worse, she says problem manager saw her buy the items, even asking her what she was buying. So coworker asks her girlfriend to check her purse, and low and behold she’s able to find it. Danm miracle. So during my break we go to our manager on duty, who’s the scheduling manager. She goes looking for it up front and texts both problem manager and store manager about the situation, because apparently that was handled incorrectly. They couldn’t find it in the front and I was hoping that my coworker could at least get her money back for all the trouble. Well she found the nightshirt—on the sales floor, still missing its price tag. After checking the description to the item, I was handed both the receipt and my nightshirt. Wild ride for a birthday gift.

There are other minor things people have told me, but I won’t go into them based on the fact that there’s no evidence for them. These probably wouldn’t upset me as much either if she didn’t give weird vibes off after being caught in a mistake. I know being chewed out is no fun, but if you don’t own up and learn from mistakes you don’t grow. Don’t shoot me looks and complain how your way way made sense if your senior managers are telling you you’re wrong. And don’t get hissy with me when I double check things with them because you’ve proven an unreliable source of information in the past that could land me in trouble. We’ll see how she handles this chew out (I was told it would be happening by scheduling manager as a promise from Store manager) hopefully she learns. But I’m not putting any money on that.

[kryptsune]

Senpai! Any tips on world building? :D

🌼Whooooo boy, that’s a lot of talk about Mambo X’D and I love you so I will do my best!

Worldbuilding is a lot of work and is constantly an exercise of questions and answers. A lot of times worldbuilding happens at random. I never thought that I would worldbuild half the universes I was messing with. I just have this drive to connect the dots, so to speak. It usually starts with a character for me. I will use Nova as an example since he seems to be the catalyst of my now fully fleshed out Outertale. Nova was just design at first but with every design I do, I have a need to tell a story. A lot of times people overlook the importance of clothing in their storytelling and being from that background I definitely put hints and lore into what the characters wear. 

Sometimes even scrapping old designs to fit an overall narrative later on or fitting it to that mold. I originally drew Nova in a varsity jacket and as I developed the story I realized that I either had to make that choice believable or scarp it all together. I decided that his personality would be more rambunctious and trickster like this also led me to make him based off Loki. I decided to keep his jacket because his kind of uncaring and aloof attitude toward how the Monsters conduct themselves and their traditions made him a huge contrast. He prefers comfort over symbology basically. 

The first question you have to ask is why. That is super vague but why are you making this world? What purpose does it serve? Is it something that answers questions about characters? There are four specific pillars for storytelling, plot, setting/ environment, character, and emotion. All of these are used to make a lot of the stories we see and hear today. 

Nova, my OT Sans, needed kind of a purpose. I wanted my Outertale to be different in that way. I wanted to answer the question of why the monsters would leave in the first place. It turned into a rabbit hole of constant back and forth. It doesn’t really matter where you start on these four pillars but questions are so important. I know I keep saying that but it’s true. I will give an example.

Starting with Character/Environment: Characters are important to any story. They are the ones that your readers or watchers will be attached to. They are a mirror almost. Someone relatable. Now that doesn’t mean they have to be this pure bean. I would argue that making those kinds of characters actually makes it difficult to relate to. We all mess up so having a character with flaws that overcome them are even more relatable. Not to mention it will add to the emotional component. Our responses and our social skills revolve around our environment. This includes the “mechanics” of the world and genre. 

WTU is a great example of this, though the world of Undertale is relatively well established there are a lot of loose ends. Even more so when you make a Fell variation. In order to be a little more unique with how I handle my verses, I tend to start at ground 0. The original. I will use Grillby’s as an example. Grillby Magmaran is one of my favorite side characters in the story but due to his personality and the world, he is set in I had to change some things around. The setting of WTU is odd. Most people tend to make Underfell this gritty, dark, and violent place but I wanted to add a few more... let’s say real-world layers to it.

Grillby to me was always kind of set in stone, character-wise. I wanted him to be kind of a playboy. One who just seemed to care about only his own self-interest, on the surface. A lot of characters I have “re-written” have this mold. That they can’t outwardly express what they want to because it makes them vulnerable. A vulnerability that is mirrored in the fact that Asgore doesn’t really rule over the Underworld like most think. (A side note on calling it the Underworld as well is this idea of underground and shady dealings.) The most power is actually given to three characters. The third I will stay quiet on due to spoilers but the other two are Muffet and Grillby. Each with their own industries capitalizing on the hopelessness of the inhabitants. 

 Grillby is all about vices which is why I changed his usual restaurant into a multistory nightclub and bar. A place for the monsters to blow off some steam so to speak. It also plays into his kind of sleazy outward appearance hiding behind liquor and vices. Muffet’s Black Widow Casino plays on greed. A rather fitting industry for her character since the original is also obsessed with profit. It is little things like that I would continue to dig deeper on. Why is Grillby this way? Heck, why would he stay in Snowdin? The answers sometimes take some time to really think about but it’s something I really enjoy doing. The answer I came up with was simple. Contrast. Grillby and Muffet used to have a very 1920′s don and mistress vibe in their original relationship but Muffet’s personality was a little too much to take for Grillby who fell into vices after his own grief. Snowdin vs Hotland. I think you can pick out the contrast. He wanted to be as far away from that spider as possible.    

The town of Snowdin is actually a place that monsters can find sanctuary. It is not like Undyne’s monopoly of Waterfall or Muffet's rule of Hotland, why though? Well sticking with the original source material I still wanted Papyrus to be a character that you could love even if he was a little more rough around the edges. He is Head of the Royal Guard already so that decision led me to think more about how he would use that power. He basically becomes the protector of Snowdin Town and the townspeople reward him by placing a statue of the Captain in the town square. That boosts his ego but he still has noble intentions, protection. This also adds to his character since Papyrus in my version is the older of the two brothers. The only reason he is harsh on Sans (or Red in this case) is that he knows of the cruelty outside their little town.  

This also explains why there are so many deadly traps all over the place leading into town. Very few monsters live outside the center of the town. It is his way of putting up defenses against any of the monsters that may be entering from outside the town. They have been used to kill humans, sure, but their main purpose is to create a blockade. 

I am going to kind of get on a soapbox a little bit in this so just bear with me. I think that a lot of Underfell creators do a huge disservice to the universe and its concept. *shakes head* It is one of the reasons that I decided to finally put my story into the public. It took a long time to muster up the courage to do that. Making things for the sake of darkness or edginess to me is... very... uh... how do I put this? Well, it’s a huge pet peeve of mine. Dark storytelling can be talked about effectively if the elements are there and other things balance it out. I see this a lot between Red and Boss. Specifically their relationship and how that is handled. There are plenty of stories with characters being close in a dark and harsh environment. They don’t turn into abusive a-holes. WHY!? Why would you take something like the original skele-bros and their relationship and do that? Granted. If there is some reason behind it. If there is a well thought out answer to the question of why then that is perfectly fine. What I find more and more, however, make these kinds of choices just for the sake of it. IT DRIVE ME BANANAS. 

Now I am not saying my story and verses don’t have plot holes. Most of the time when you dig deeper into a project you realize that closing one could open a few lesser ones but it just upsets me that people just randomly make these choices just for the sake of it. Shock value. There has to be a purpose. Good storytelling is about relatability and believability. Small things can sometimes take you out of it if they seem out of place. Remember that everyone goes about these kinds of creative choices differently. Mine is pretty much all question based or design-based. I am by no way saying that my way is correct. It is just something I have worked on for a very long time. I can kind of come up with my answers on the spot. 

I know I got away from this ask a little bit but I am happy that you are interested Mambo! If you want to know more specifics then just ask. There is so much more I can talk about. I was actually was asked to make a video on it so I may do that in the future. Just remember to have fun while doing it. Stories are fun to read but at the end of the day the world is yours and you should enjoy it!