#fucksd
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Jag är arg.
Alla dessa SDare som på något vis tror att genom att spy ur sig har så kommer det att bli bättre för oss alla?!
Jag är arg för att min ena förälder tillhör de som röstar SD, på något vis så tror på riktigt min far att mitt och min brors liv skulle bli bättre av att SD kommer till makten, SD som är emot just såna som vi två som inte är hetero. Våra liv kommer inte att bli bättre av detta. Men jag vill våga hoppas att denna högerextrema våg som tar som över Europa på något vis bara dör ut, vi alla behöver våga känns hopp, för hoppet gör oss mer öppna för andra personer och upplevelser. Jag hoppas på en våg av vänster.
Fan, kan ni andra inte bara våga hoppas lite ni med?
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scariest notif i've ever gotten
#text post#mine#tried to post this a while ago but my fucksds job's internet so let's hope t actually works
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Fuck fuck the new d20 trailer dropped and it’s so fun and I’m excited but my brain is distracted because the music they use for part of it is the fucking free background music Slimecicle used for jort storm
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💔
#today of all days might feel the hardest of them all#I have been having a really hard time coming to terms with the reality of this and what it all really means#I feel as though since liam passed I haven’t been able to really understand it all or believe it to be true just out of pure shock and#not wanting to believe it#it just doesn’t seem possible or real#but today is different#today somehow feels more painful than ever before#my heart hurts my chest hurts my whole body aches#I know people say when they lose someone they feel like a part of them is missing#well I really do have a piece of me missing#these boys are what allowed me to survive#if it weren’t for these boys I don’t know if I’d even be here today#they kept me going and gave me a purpose and a light that I couldn’t find by myself#I haven’t been able to sit down and actually write something meaningful as a tribute to liam bc it just didn’t seem real and I knew if I#tried to write something that would mean it was really real#Liam was actually going to be gone#and here we are today seeing horrible horrible photos of the boys from some fucksd up people who think it’s okay to invade someone’s most#private moments and share them with the world#and I think this#seeing their faces#is what really made this all come to life for me and made me really grasp the fact that he’s gone#and it just made me so furious I#I don’t know how to go on with my life knowing that he’s gone and there will just forever be a piece of me missing#like I just can’t process the fact that the person who kept me going is now ??? gone#and I just have to somehow accept that?#and continue on as if everything is fine ??#I can’t understand how to do that#I just don’t know#I grew up with these boys#they quite literally shaped me into who I am today and it just hurts so so so much and I don’t know how to handle it
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okay anyway ive had an idea for a while abt. beef & ren like. Know each other from their past. but also. that past. is like. the lab where doc was as well. but doc doesnt remember and or know abt either of them being there. the hermits in general vuagely know abt docs past and the whole thing but no details or anything. beef and ren have both Never talked abt their past and seem like. completely fine. (they arent) (they have never even talked to each other abt it. but they know each other knows and they know doc doesnt) and anyway. trauma.
ren probably ends up telling doc post octagon shit bc. that brought up a lot of trauma for ren bc they kinda were posessed ? sorta? and then had to kill people and. brought up some. bad memories. he doesnt mention beef.
beef has never told anyone. he never will.
#original post tag#beef like. repressing it so fucking much. if i dont think aboutjt it cant hurt me kinda thing. although. he is so fucksd abt it all the time
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What if I told y'all there was an unresponsive pseudogod just sitting in the middle of the floor staring at the wall.
Because there's an unresponsive pseudogod sitting in the middle of the floor staring at the wall.
Help me please my head hurts so bad what thefuck.
I've confused myself and everything is in shambles ughthg j- I'm sorry if I broke the lore guys. Please don't be mad if I broke something on accident sorry.
#REGARDS: MOD 💜 💙#not asks#I'm not worried I scared everyone off I'm just fine#I'm getting myself stesssed and spiraling because i like this blog and I'm worried i fucksd up
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*
#kind of fucksd up how nothing means anything like wym you’re gonna hold my face in your hands gently as you kiss me reassuringly#while you’re planning on breaking up with me#like how am I ever supposed to know what is real and what is manipulative#if I ever do find someone idk how I would survive getting hurt like that again#and if the only person who ever loved me ended up being so horrible what does that say about me
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D: apologies about the grapes !! but yes please eat for me, 💣, n 🐈⬛🪷 :)
-💫
I just seem to be particularly forgetful these past few days.
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Macbethposting Friday anyway I am thinking about the come you spirits etc etc and just… the implications of it all. Lady Macbeth’s motivations to do the Thing aka kill Duncan aka have Macbeth be king aka be queen herself are never cleared up and only there to be built with clues. But in any case— whether self-serving or altruistic (wanting it for Macbeth not herself)— it’s something extreme.
Extreme enough to make her want to rid herself of her very nature to achieve it. She’s insane 2 me bc she’s self-aware but not self-aware enough to know that going against who she really is will end terribly. But thing is that she Knows that she, as she is, with the qualities she has Now, won’t be able to do it. She’s desperate enough to say “okay, make me able to do it then. Rid me of my nature. Make it impossible for me to prevent myself.”
Like, the Thing that makes her do it, whatever it is, has to be big enough to get her to That Level and I fear there’s too little talk of… what it could be that also makes sense.
#j.txt#Macbeth#lady Macbeth#u see my issue w most character analyses of her is that none rly wanna go deep in2 Why She’s Like That#like they’re all like oooo she’s evil and Wicked and Manipulative and Girlboss etc etc and leave it there.#like yeah we love her for it. WHY tho. why#can i PLEASE get some substantial character analysis up in here. pleas#I do personally think it has to do with the whole losing a child/failing her duty as a wife/medieval noblewoman#aka she wants to rid herself of that humiliation but also just do something 4 Macbeth#the whole I couldn’t give u a child so I’ll give u a crown deal#I mean I also think it issss kinda like. she wants it for Herself to a degree#and is confusing that ambition w Macbeths#no I don’t want it HE does#I’m not doing this for me I do it for HIM#(it’s also for her. but that’s buried under many layers of simulated altruism )#actually idk if that’ll even go w the play lol but it’s a fun silly concept#anyway she in general is very silly. why are u SO fucksd up. who made you like this.
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nO YOU DONT UNDERSTANDD HOW INSAFNE IM GOIGNG OVER THET FAFCT THAT DEUCE LIVES IN FUCKING CLCOCK TOWN AHHHHHHHDHFH
#kira talks#DEUFECE LIVING IN CLCOK TOWN IS SJUSTT HHFHFHSDHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#DISPLEX ALWAYS SO FUCKING GGIVING WITH INFO N LORE N SHIT FUFKCKKKKKF#THISS JUST MAKES HIMS O MUHC MORE PERFECT AS JULIUS THO N FITS HIM EVEN MORE IM FUCKSDING GOING SOS INSANEEE HHHHHHH#CLCOK TOWER MASTRER DEUCE HHHNFNNGHFHFHF BLESS THISS INFOOOOOO
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told my boss I could come in today but I'm severely nauseous oops
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learning new skills is FUN. (<- actively banging head on table)
#ok i AM having fun but also look at all my sad failed/test signatures :(((#im going to have to figure out how to recycle these cuts there are simply So Many#this doesn't even include the stay random fucksd up pages i have as well#and trust me there will be more bc i have to figure out how to fix the margins on a typeset that i didn't make#i don't even want to think about that anymore though#on the bright side!!! i only have like one thing left before i have reached the point with stl that i can actually OFFICIALLY#print all of the signatures!!!!#I've returned to only doing 1 book as I've i fixed that margins the page count webt from 931 pages to 707 pages :'))))#which is HUGE#cus eiat is 718 pages currently and i was only going to do 1 book for it so!!!#also need to figure out how to.... embroider........ for that one.........#bc naturally i love making things hard for myself <3#anyways#I'm going to take a break from using my brain now#shh ac#adventures in bookbinding
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1.0 making Direct Eye Contact and breathing heavily while [redacted] makes a giant mess of her house like
#6.4 spoilers#let’s just say if eyrie hadn’t succeeded then everyone would have to get real okay with some Real Fucksd#*Fucked Up Stuff#love to see something terrible like the Caretaker of the Mother rise from the bottom dredges of the aetherial sea#to just. grab and devour athena whole#i was thinking about it in the car how 1.0 does change after emet arrives in the aetherial sea#she was just a caretaker of the mother + her being fragmented parts of charon#but she ends up embodying Hades as well—the shepherd across the river but also that which waits on the other side#the one who sings the final verse for these people#the caretaker of the dead to eyrie’s shepherd of life#a bit more primordial since she transcends hydaelyn and emet’s roles in the aetherial sea#but she has the ability to eat souls—to consume all that makes a person#down to the floating scraps that drift she will consume them all#and thus their souls cease to exist#it’s not pleasant for her to do but it’s something she can#but she would consume athena to save the world#she does it anyway when what came of her rebirth drips down to the depths#1.0 is just a bit upset about how slippery she was to have evaded her#and thus she pays the price of denying death her due#and she gets eaten. every last bit of her soul#see i stick the weird in 1.0 so eyrie can be…..reasonably normal#oc: eyrie kisne
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damn i kinda hate being an eva fictive like wtf
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what kind of herb are you?
Cumin
You see yourself so clearly that you can see the gaping hole inside you where you lost a piece long ago. It's there and it's ragged and painful and bleeding and you don't know how no one else can see it when it takes up so much of your awareness. You run from it, fight it, try to find it but nothing bandages up that hungry mawing void inside yourself and when you're tired, uninspired, you swear it grows and grows. You promise yourself you want to be alone, promise yourself that you want to be different, want to be special, love having this hole inside you and point it out in words or song or jokes and stories and take pride in that pain, in your uniqueness in this world of grays and storm clouds. You are 5 am rain on asphalt roads and sputtering street lamps. You are petrichor musings and messy guitar chords and a thousand contradictions wrapped inside a quiet cry, an evening of coffee and jittering hands and a promise that you're okay or that you're fine until you're falling apart in someone's arms or messages and pretend you're alright in the morning. You taste so strongly but sometimes you wonder if all you are is ash.
tagged by: @ofteaandmagic
tagging: YOU !!!
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goodnight.. 6am.. getting hysterical…
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