#we are so fucksd
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goodnight.. 6am.. getting hysterical…
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💔
#today of all days might feel the hardest of them all#I have been having a really hard time coming to terms with the reality of this and what it all really means#I feel as though since liam passed I haven’t been able to really understand it all or believe it to be true just out of pure shock and#not wanting to believe it#it just doesn’t seem possible or real#but today is different#today somehow feels more painful than ever before#my heart hurts my chest hurts my whole body aches#I know people say when they lose someone they feel like a part of them is missing#well I really do have a piece of me missing#these boys are what allowed me to survive#if it weren’t for these boys I don’t know if I’d even be here today#they kept me going and gave me a purpose and a light that I couldn’t find by myself#I haven’t been able to sit down and actually write something meaningful as a tribute to liam bc it just didn’t seem real and I knew if I#tried to write something that would mean it was really real#Liam was actually going to be gone#and here we are today seeing horrible horrible photos of the boys from some fucksd up people who think it’s okay to invade someone’s most#private moments and share them with the world#and I think this#seeing their faces#is what really made this all come to life for me and made me really grasp the fact that he’s gone#and it just made me so furious I#I don’t know how to go on with my life knowing that he’s gone and there will just forever be a piece of me missing#like I just can’t process the fact that the person who kept me going is now ??? gone#and I just have to somehow accept that?#and continue on as if everything is fine ??#I can’t understand how to do that#I just don’t know#I grew up with these boys#they quite literally shaped me into who I am today and it just hurts so so so much and I don’t know how to handle it
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Macbethposting Friday anyway I am thinking about the come you spirits etc etc and just… the implications of it all. Lady Macbeth’s motivations to do the Thing aka kill Duncan aka have Macbeth be king aka be queen herself are never cleared up and only there to be built with clues. But in any case— whether self-serving or altruistic (wanting it for Macbeth not herself)— it’s something extreme.
Extreme enough to make her want to rid herself of her very nature to achieve it. She’s insane 2 me bc she’s self-aware but not self-aware enough to know that going against who she really is will end terribly. But thing is that she Knows that she, as she is, with the qualities she has Now, won’t be able to do it. She’s desperate enough to say “okay, make me able to do it then. Rid me of my nature. Make it impossible for me to prevent myself.”
Like, the Thing that makes her do it, whatever it is, has to be big enough to get her to That Level and I fear there’s too little talk of… what it could be that also makes sense.
#j.txt#Macbeth#lady Macbeth#u see my issue w most character analyses of her is that none rly wanna go deep in2 Why She’s Like That#like they’re all like oooo she’s evil and Wicked and Manipulative and Girlboss etc etc and leave it there.#like yeah we love her for it. WHY tho. why#can i PLEASE get some substantial character analysis up in here. pleas#I do personally think it has to do with the whole losing a child/failing her duty as a wife/medieval noblewoman#aka she wants to rid herself of that humiliation but also just do something 4 Macbeth#the whole I couldn’t give u a child so I’ll give u a crown deal#I mean I also think it issss kinda like. she wants it for Herself to a degree#and is confusing that ambition w Macbeths#no I don’t want it HE does#I’m not doing this for me I do it for HIM#(it’s also for her. but that’s buried under many layers of simulated altruism )#actually idk if that’ll even go w the play lol but it’s a fun silly concept#anyway she in general is very silly. why are u SO fucksd up. who made you like this.
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Modern day like not paldea, like irl modern au seaweed would def be a stoner one way or another
#z rambles#i think unlike normal seaweed who rather occupied his time exploring the out door and overwork themselves to death#i think modern au weed would be far worse and far more destructive not ro anyone but def to himsslf#hed sacrfice himsslf for anyone and dont care for what. prolly a stoner to take his mind off things. desire for perfection and shit#alfho weed have a strong upbeat personality pretty sure you can sense the deep emptiness that they fill with smoke and work#im sure modern au weed would still.absolutely love the outdoor but addictions fucked man that mf is rolling up a joint in the great outdoor#modern au changing school (which in this case id love it to be college instead) wpuld mean a nee page in weeds life#tbh i think in the game itself before transfering weed was probably destructive but less so#thr wish to chabge and escape an old life youve no longer feel safe in is strange but its strong i can tel u that#happened to me i could have a say or two#i dont want it to be too realistic but tbh its kinda realistic when u think about it#holding back your eventual breakdown is oretty easy and i had to play only for a couple of days in game but 3 irl#so im sire weed wasnt letting that wall fuck them up that fast#plus they had decided to stay free out of their destructuve behavior and i think having a mission helped and the outdoor too#for once theres a very real sense of purpose that tbh in the best word. enrichss thwir life better than anything previously#with this and their own determination i think they push forward easier then they had anticipated#sometimes things are simpler than what we think#ya kmow this post was supposed to be funny like haha shitty stoner#and then boom real recognize real moment rhe hell.......#tbh even if i did write the story i donf rhink id ever talk about weeds fucksd up past much#i still want weed personality to be upbeat kind and preciohs 👍
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last night I had a nightmare I was running from this thing that would rot the world and you if it touched you. it was like mushrooms and spores and you had to either learn to fly high in the sky or you had to run and hope you didn't die. I ended up losing my phone and contact with everyone i cared about because of it. I shoplifted with my coworker. we rode Go-Karts to outrun the fungus. and then we found something safe from it, this giant submarine type thing. and I get in. and engineer tf2 is the driver. and he's also my dad. and I'm scared and fucksd up in the head so i go to him for comfort. and we sit there as he drives and we drink Dr pepper and it's nice. snd then the fungus catches up to us and I wake up.
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So, this is a small acc and therefore not many people other than friends or weird nsfw bots coming into my dms to attempt to get me to click on a shady link are going to see this.
But I feel like sharing this for the laughs.
So, I never share my work outside of my average friend circle, but I like to write songs! Usually they're just random ideas thst popped into mind or vent songs. But sometimes I write songs regarding to my ocs and my friend's ocs. And I once started writing this song back in 2021 about two ocs that were made by me and @elysia-nsimp respectively. And this song was called "Hypothetically" because of an inside joke where we could talk about the ship between the characters via asking "hypothetical" questions that are VERY obviously referring to them despite not saying their names up front. And our other friend, Ender, would be teasing us about us being physically incapable of talking about the ship in a normal way. And this spawned the idea to write a romantic song about these two characters not so subtly talking about very clearly romantic things they want to do and then ending it with "Hypothetically" to avoid bluntly confessing (despite it being painfully obvious) (my oc in this is only book smart). And the fun thing about the song was that I wrote it in a way that made it sound like a cheesy musical number and came up with a general tune for it and everything.
But I get really nervous when attempting to write my friend's ocs out of fear I'll wildly mischaracterize them on accident and I hate being judged. So at some point I just stopped updating it because of that, along with the fact that I was running out of ideas on where to go with it. And I only picked the writing of the song back up as of recently.
But this song has cursed me ever since. Because whenever me and my friends are on call, and I say the word "hypothetically" in a sentence for any given reason, Elysia will chime in by singing "Hyyyypothetically🎶" in the tune I wrote it to be in. And every time it reminds me that I still have not finished writing that song. And it's just hilarious to me.
Although I haven't been finding it in me to finish writing it. So here's a pole to try and encourage me. Or discourage me, if you want. Depends on how you're feeling.
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December 18th, 2022
Today was alright. So went to my father's. We fucksd around on the four wheelers for a bit. Then I though I fucked mine up because she drove funky on the road after I accidentally shifted into neutral. She is fine now we believe. Then I wrapped some gifts. I opened my advent calendar and it was pretty cool and I got incredibly happy about pH paper. Then my mother picked me up. We got McDonald's. I tried to do homework but that was just not happening so I am now heading to bed so night <3
Songs on Loop:
4 BIG GUYS by DigBarGayRaps
La Romana by Bad Bunny, El Alfa
Fell asleep to Brain Stew by Green Day
New Information:
Forest fires spread faster uphill.
Goal Progress:
Helped around dad's house
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I'M SO UPSET WE COULD'VE HAD SOMETHING SO DRAMATIC AND QUESTIONABLY AESTHETIC BUT INSTEAD WE GOT A FUCKSDING OVERSIZED PINK SPONGEBOB FIT???? TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE
we could've had high collar. we could've had a corset. WE COULD'VE HAD A MR DARCY MOMENT. a fucking waistcoat or large lapels and chains. BUT NO .
why is this stylist so bent on stuffing him into things that swallow him whole
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YESSSSS HES BEATING ME UP JUST LIKE I LIKE
FINALLY
HES SO SLOPPY WHRN HES DRUNK
I LOVE HIM
I wish we ALWAYS DRANK AND FUCKSD
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