#fucking hate summer lol
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okay, i think i’m in a good enough headspace to interact with fandom properly again
sorry if i confused anyone by still posting on here, tumblr is my home and i still wanted to keep my keigo posting off of main lol
thank you to everyone who was understanding, i really appreciate your patience and kindness while i work through shit
#it’s mostly just been a particularly bad depressive episode tbh#they’re always the worst in summer for me#fucking hate summer lol#i’m also still kind of in a writers block but i’ve found some prompt posts that i think would be fun to try some drabbles with to help#i usually write longer pieces or chaptered stuff so writing just like#a scene or two as a little treat might be fun#would probably be tumblr exclusive since i don’t like clogging up ao3 tags with basically practice works#i’m probably gonna do them either way but i might do a poll for an interest check to see if anyone wants to make a game of it#i doubt it since i haven’t been active in fandom for like a decade so people forgot who i am but still!! always worth a shot#again thank you guys for being niceys to me once i get back to a long winded writing head space i’m gonna complete some of the stuff#in my drafts. starting with peg hawks cause i do still wanna participate lol
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one of the things that's the most fucking frustrating for me about arguing with climate change deniers is the sheer fucking scope of how much it matters. sweating in my father's car, thinking about how it's the "hottest summer so far," every summer. and there's this deep, roiling rage that comes over me, every time.
the stakes are wrong, is the thing. that's part of what makes it not an actual debate: the other side isn't coming to the table with anything to fucking lose.
like okay. i am obviously pro gun control. but there is a basic human part of me that can understand and empathize with someone who says, "i'm worried that would lead to the law-abiding citizens being punished while criminals now essentially have a superpower." i don't agree, but i can tell the stakes for them are also very high.
but let's say the science is wrong and i'm wrong and the visible reality is wrong and every climate disaster refugee is wrong. let's say you're right, humans aren't causing it or it's not happening or whatever else. let's just say that, for fun.
so we spend hundreds of millions of dollars making the earth cleaner, and then it turns out we didn't need to do that. oops! we cleaned the earth. our children grow up with skies full of more butterflies and bees. lawns are taken over with rich local biodiversity. we don't cry over our electric bills anymore. and, if you're staunchly capitalist and i need to speak ROI with you - we've created so many jobs in developing sectors and we have exciting new investment opportunities.
i am reminded of kodak, and how they did not make "the switch" to digital photography; how within 20 years kodak was no longer a household brand. do we, as a nation, feel comfortable watching as the world makes "the switch" while we ride the laurels of oil? this boggles me. i have heard so much propaganda about how america cannot "fall behind" other countries, but in this crucial sector - the one that could actually influence our own monopolies - suddenly we turn the other cheek. but maybe you're right! maybe it will collapse like just another silicone valley dream. but isn't that the crux of capitalism? that some economies will peter out eventually?
but let's say you're right, and i'm wrong, and we stopped fracking for no good reason. that they re-seed quarries. that we tear down unused corporate-owned buildings or at least repurpose them for communities. that we make an effort, and that effort doesn't really help. what happens then? what are the stakes. what have we lost, and what have we gained?
sometimes we take our cars through a car wash and then later, it rains. "oh," we laugh to ourselves. we gripe about it over coffee with our coworkers. what a shame! but we are also aware: the car is cleaner. is that what you are worried about? that you'll make the effort but things will resolve naturally? that it will just be "a waste"?
and what i'm right. what if we're already seeing people lose their houses and their lives. what if it is happening everywhere, not just in coastal towns or equatorial countries you don't care about. what if i'm right and you're wrong but you're yelling and rich and powerful. so we ignore all of the bellwethers and all of the indicators and all of the sirens. what if we say - well, if it happens, it's fate.
nevermind. you wouldn't even wear a mask, anyway. i know what happens when you see disaster. you think the disaster will flinch if you just shout louder. that you can toss enough lives into the storm for the storm to recognize your sacrifice and balk. you argue because it feels good to stand up against "the liberals" even when the situation should not be political. you are busy crying for jesus with a bullhorn while i am trying to usher people into a shelter. you've already locked the doors, even on the church.
the stakes are skewed. you think this is some intellectual "debate" to win, some funny banter. you fuel up your huge unmuddied truck and say suck it to every citizen of that shitbird state california. serves them right for voting blue!
and the rest of us are terrified of the entire fucking environment collapsing.
#spilled ink#writeblr#i hope it is clear here that i actually very much care about equatorial countries#and that's part of what makes me so angry bc im like. climate refugees exist.#they've existed for a while!!!#and the reply is almost always ''should have thought about that before living on an island"#like fuck dude. do you need to like how people vote before ur like#your entire house shouldn't burn down each summer????#so many of these people make it their life to mock california that they think it's FUNNY#and im like. girl you should be fucking trembling. TEXAS??? ARE YOU LISTENING??#this is one of those times that like. i need to stress how fucking stupid it would be#to let trump win. bc he could have “reached across the aisle.” covid could have been#a MASSIVE commercial success. he has such a huge and bigoted and brainwashed following.#literally just a PR campaign called COWBOY UP and it's pictures of cowboys in bandanas#trump reinvisioned as the lone ranger fighting for the american people against covid. EASY SELL#and instead. companies bought him. it became political. it was not ''oh shit this is 1 enemy let's all be human''#it was ''you deserve to die.''#climate change should be GLOBAL. it should be like ''yeah i hate u but. we do all live here''#i don't have to LIKE my group members to do well on a team project bc we are ALL getting graded.#is that simple enough of an under-explaination lol
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a very tired (and angry) dyke summer is underway, whos with me
[uncensored]
#dykeposting#me#nsft#t4t nsft#dyke nsft#trans nsft#lesbian nsft#transmasc nsft#dyke summer#im so fucking tired#queer nsft#nb nsft#i hate that my body is nsft lol#bush nsft#tummy nsft#abs nsft#hell (nsft)#like this one is understandably nsft cause bush and stuff but when its just my chest and i dont tag it as nsft people get ANGRY at me#just bc u sexualize parts of my body does not mean that it (or I) am inherently sexual. fuck off.
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ASHTON SIGHTING!?!?
(I took an hour to find this because the fandom refuses to post it, let's talk about THAT)
#but OMG HERE HE IS#he looks so good#they hate her but who give a fuck look at him bro#THAT LOOK IS EVIL I LOVE IT#now where is the music bro#???#ashton irwin#5sos#5 seconds of summer#ashton 5sos#might delete later.. depends on my emotions lol lol
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Hiiiii curious if you’ve seen this and what you think?
https://www.yardbarker.com/nhl/articles/nathan_mackinnon_on_summer_training_with_mitch_marner_he_looks_awesome/s1_16958_40875807
i did see that!! and i'm not shocked in the slightest at all by yet another elite talent in the nhl coming out defending him big time. people can't even say it's just bc they're friends and he's defending his buddy's personality bc if you really think nathan mackinnon (the same man who threatened to kidnap mitch in a suitcase) is saying shit just to say it about people's talent or work ethic ON the ice then idk what to tell you, lol. it's nice to hear some empathy from one of the big name "winners" in the league about the leafs situation in general too but. a point for nate mac in my book.
it is hilarious to watch leaf fans be MAD about other top guys in this league complimenting a leafs player and insinuating there's some conspiracy behind everyone coming to his defense... it's so exhausting to like the leafs and have to engage with their media, like any normal fanbase should and would be eating this shit up.
#easks#mitch marner#nathan mackinnon#anyway i fucking hate the leafs fanbase and media exhibit 49823942#steve dangle out there talking out of his ass yet again like always#but i am happy mitch is getting validation and i hope he comes out of this summer feeling good lol
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I’m insanely tired, sweaty af, and wishing summer didn’t exist but have a thirst trap anyway 🤪
He/They
#the humidity today was like 100 percent water#I fucking hate summer#I sometimes feel like I’m not making much progress but then I take a photo and I’m like oh okay never mind LOL#weight gain#trans weight gain#trans feedee#ftm feedee#belly kink#chub kink#ftm feedist#me#ftm muscle gainer#muscle gainer#selfie
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rvb au where everything is the same but the soldiers on chorus all wear odst armor
#ideally they'd be in marine armor so felix locus and the pirates could be in odst armor but the limitations of machinima#or felix and locus could keep their armor but it's gotta be a plot point that it's reverse engineered pfl armor#which in turn can act as a plot point for the bgc + wash to be sus of felix instead of whatever they did in s11 bc that was lowkey semi ooc#as I've mentioned somewhere in a past post#like i get it the guys were stranded and desperate and lina and epsilon were mia but they weren't THAT bad off#or blue team wasn't at least since wash was being petty af and didn't bother to tell the reds that he hooked blue base up to the ships power#also tucker and caboose being in on it would be so funny#wash: im not going to hook up the reds for.....reasons#tuck and boose: lol okay. fuck those guys! (affectionate)#rvb#red vs blue#not t/oaru#will maybe rb this later w some art examples but atm I've gotta go out and garden and mulch the raised beds while it's not 85°f+ and humid#bc lemme tell yall the summer is brutal. i hate going to water the garden when it's so hot out
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"FREEZE YOUR BRAIN" THIS IS NOT AN EXACT TRANSLATION, THIS IS AN ADAPTATION (AND ONE THAT STILL NEEDS TONS OF FIXING AT THAT)
I regret my life choices of not being able to actually start studying. Here's "Freeze Your Brain" adapted in Italian!
ASK ME FOR PERMISSION BEFORE USING THIS, DO CREDIT ME IF YOU EVER USE THIS (I doubt you will it’s impractical and still needs so much fixing it’s unbelievable) AND TELL ME/LINK WHATEVER YOU USED IT FOR USING REBLOGS (because for some reason Tumblr doesn’t like comments with links and while I do think I understand why I don’t always like it)
(the apostrophes [or however ’ is called] are used to shorten the number of syllables often in poetry so I’m obviously abusing that power.)
[J.D.] Sono stato in dieci superiori Tutte la stessa scenetta Inutile abituarsi Perché ce ne andiamo di fretta Mio padre tiene nel baule pronti due bagagli Quindi è solo una questione di ricaricarli I nomi non imparo Che faccia è di chi non m'è chiaro La fiducia in questa oasi di cemento riparo Sembra che ogni volta che sto per disperarmi C'è un 7-Eleven ad aspettarmi Ogni negozio è lo stesso Da Las Vegas all'Ohio Corsie di linoleum che adoro Vagare io Prego al mio altare di granita; Sì, adoro quella dolce botta di vita...
Congela il cervello Succhia dalla cannuccia Meglio di un coltello Arriva la felicità Quando tutto se ne va A chi serve uno spinello? Congela il cervello Congela il cervello
[J.D., parlato] Ti va un tiro?
[VERONICA, parlato] La tua mammina sa che mangi tutta quella merda?
[J.D., parlato] Non più
(cantato) Quando mamma era viva Vivevamo quasi normalmente Ora siamo solo io e mio padre Stiamo meno formalmente Ho imparato a cucinare Le tasse a pagare; Imparato che'l mondo Nemmeno un cent ti vorrà dare Il tuo futuro hai pianificato Veronica Sawyer Andrai a qualche college E sposerai un avvocato Ma il cielo farà male Quando su di te sarà demolito Quindi è meglio se Il tuo muro l'avrai già costruito...
Congela il cervello Nuota nel ghiaccio Perditi nel suo doloroso bello Chiudi bene i tuoi occhi Fino a che non ti vedran quegli sciocchi Non diventare uno zimbello
Congela il cervello Distruggiti il teschio Combatti il dolore con uno più bello Dimentica chi sei Liberati da quel peso Dimentica in un mese e mezzo Riavrai lo stesso frainteso Quando la voce nella tua testa Dice ch'uno come te è meglio se non resta Non ascoltare a quello
Solo congela il cervello Congela il cervello Vai avanti e congela il cervello...
(parlato) Provaci So, direct translation! (used in this to specify the meanings and explain certain word choices)
[J.D.] I've been through ten high schools They're all the same little scene (but little in this case is meant in a negative light) No point getting used to it 'Cause we're gone in a hurry My dad keeps two suitcases ready in the den So it's only a matter of refilling(/repacking) them I don't learn the names Whose faces is whose isn't clear to me My trust resides in this concrete oasis Seems every time I'm about to despair There's a 7-Eleven waiting for me Each store is the same From Las Vegas to Ohio Linoleum aisles that I love To walk around in I pray at my altar of slush; Yeah, I live for sweet hit of life (or however you call that, basically gives life force again but something that gives you life force not in a literal sense)...
Freeze your brain Suck from that straw Better than a knife Happiness comes When everything goes Who needs a joint? Freeze your brain Freeze your brain
[J.D., spoken] You want a hit?
[VERONICA, spoken] Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?
[J.D., spoken] Not anymore
(sung) When mom was alive We lived almost normally But now it's just me and my dad We live less formally I learned to cook pasta To pay taxes; Learned the world Won't want to give you even a cent You've planned your future Veronica Sawyer You'll go to some college And marry a lawyer But the sky's gonna hurt When it'll be demolished on you So it'll be better if You'll have already built your wall
Freeze your brain Swim in the ice Get lost in its beautiful pain Shut your eyes tight(/well) Till those fools (sorry I had to use this for the rhyme) won't see you Don't become a laughingstock
Freeze your brain Destroy your skull Fight pain with a more beautiful one Forget who you are Free yourself from that weight Forget in a month and a half You'll have the same misunderstanding again When the voice in your head Says someone like you is better off gone Don't listen to that guy(/him)
Just freeze your brain Freeze your brain Go on and freeze your brain...
(spoken) Try it OG LYRICS (if you’re seeing this I doubt you don’t know them, but here they are anyway):
[J.D.] I've been through ten high schools They start to get blurry No point planting roots 'Cause you're gone in a hurry My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den So it's only a matter of when I don't learn the names Don't bother with faces All I can trust is this concrete oasis Seems every time I'm about to despair There's a 7-Eleven right there Each store is the same From Las Vegas to Boston Linoleum aisles that I love To get lost in I pray at my altar of slush; Yeah, I live for that sweet frozen rush...
Freeze your brain Suck on that straw Get lost in the pain Happiness comes When everything numbs Who needs cocaine? Freeze your brain Freeze your brain See upcoming pop shows Get tickets for your favorite artists
[J.D., spoken] Care for a hit?
[VERONICA, spoken] Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?
[J.D., spoken] Not anymore
(sung) When mom was alive We lived halfway normal But now it's just me and my dad We're less formal I learned to cook pasta I learned to pay rent; Learned the world Doesn't owe you a cent You're planning your future Veronica Sawyer You'll go to some college And marry a lawyer But the sky's gonna hurt When it falls So you better start Building some walls...
Freeze your brain Swim in the ice Get lost in the pain Shut your eyes tight Till you vanish from sight Let nothing remain
Freeze your brain Shatter your skull Fight pain with more pain Forget who you are Unburden your load Forget in six weeks You'll be back on the road When the voice in your head Says you're better off dead Don't open a vein
Just freeze your brain Freeze your brain Go on and freeze your brain...
(spoken) Try it
#heathers#heathers the musical#heathers 1989#jason dean#veronica sawyer#song adaptation#i'm sorry#in italiano#i'm lazy with tags today#sorry for that#non è ufficiale lol non so se hanno mai fatto la traduzione ufficiale o anche la traduzione#i tried to keep as many rhymes as possible#some syllables got fucked up (not in a dead girl walking way but in an “i am damaged” way [tried my best])#this machine runs on coffee adapts “heathers: the musical” songs in italian#freeze your brain#scheduled on the 28/5 for the 3/6 at 7:45AM#So... During the summer I'll be very busy#way busier than during the school year social media speaking#so no more song adaptations because I do them on my computer and I'll be far away from it#You might get one more if I can and it might be of Heathers or not(The Ballad Of Jane Doe is stuck in my head so no promises about anything#nothing might come out so really no promises at all#sorry about that#might also be why I hate the summer compared to the winter#in winter we stay at home#in the summer i travel and i'm glad and know i'm priviledged for this but it's gonna be a busy time and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#plus constant interaction with people#i don't remember how i used to be able to deal with it before the lockdown but now i can't anymore and need my time alone#or i'll become way more annoyed than usual and those things i have similar to sensory issues will get way worse#and i don't have time alone in the summer so i'm fucked#oh well
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Mmph. It’s been a while and I didn’t realize I would still be excessively annoyed/affected by people with negative things to say about my OTP, but I am, I guess.
If it helps to add context, these comments were on a post where an account had reposted (without permission) some sweet gift art of the ship made especially for me, so I may be inclined to take it more personally for that reason. >__>
#I wish big accounts who repost art without permission a very Stop Fucking Doing That#I extra hate it in this case ;; my friendship with the artist is founded on mutual love for one of the charas depicted (Belaf)#she drew my OTP as a super sweet thankyou gift (the full version that isn’t online and was only sent to me has my name and a rat on it ;; )#and now I have to see people reply to it misunderstanding the characters and disliking the ship#i know I shouldn’t care but I’m feeling a little low this weekend so I am affected lol#hopefully I’ll stop caring tmrw#I really want to focus on the joy they bring me instead but I’m feeling a little sensitive#there’s lovely art of them I’ve received this summer as a gift and as a commission and I want to print those pieces out for my bare walls#I’ve received several gifts of them over the last two years. all should go on my wall! need to focus on the good#it just feels so personal and mean when ship criticism is left as a reply to art that was literally drawn for me by my friend as a gift lol#orphan hole tag
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Caught in the act 👀
#art by Alexis#courier Summer#br0ken colors oc#br0ken colors#rasmus br0ken colors#I hate backgrounds so fucking much lol
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wheeeee figured out a couple of plants for angel homeworld!!!! + a little beast youll find in just about every biome on that damn planet
cherubs are the result of a wild subspecies of angel mixing naturally w a meat car(this was not intentional). cherubs build their nests via ripping up/off whatever plantmatter is available. nestbuilding is a group effort, often involving 30-50 cherubs building elaborate structures in whatever crack, crevice or cave system is available. angels use these guys to teach their children about teamwork & the importance of choir-building(which may or may not involve colourful puppet cherubs lmao).
the 2 plants shown here(1 moreso than the other) are seen most often on angel homeworld. one is a single leathery leaf that joins up with others of its species to create giant colonies of the same plant. angels often uproot them due to the fact that they make climbing cliffsides really fucking difficult(they r both tightly joined together & VERY SLIPPERY). the other plant is a treelike plant that grows inbetween cliffs & large crevices. their stringy bark is favoured by cherubs.
#owo whats this#angel tag!!! wahoo#spec bio#xenobiology#speculative biology#AUUUUGH I DROPPED ALL MY FUCKING GOD DAMN SPOONS WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY ALL GO DAMMIT#summer is upon me & i fuckinnnnnnnn hate it#too damn hot#ive been having trouble getting my ideas onto paper so if i slow down w my art for a bit then blame the fucking SUN#thank u maple for giving me the idea to draw plants this was fun depsite how long it took lol#anyway not a whole lot of rambling from me today im a bit fucked from tha week so theres not a lot in me brain rn lol
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oh i love twin peaks (unsurprisingly)! and yeah its so insidious, i was terrified to bring it up to my parents because i thought that if i gave them the opportunity to think of me as a sexual being (really someone who was molested/raped but that was not how i thought about it) they would become aware that that was an option and take advantage of it. which of course made everything else worse
EXACTLYYYYY that's exactly it. if your parents find out you're being sexual (consensually or nonconsensually) they will want to be sexual with you because you've opened that avenue up for them. it's so fucking insidious and horrifying like to this day i refuse to talk about my romantic or sexual life with my parents even in the vaguest of terms because im so terrified of them seeing me as a sexual object. my mom will be like oh so do you have any girlfriends are you seeing anyone 😃 and im like i would rather kill myself than answer that question. and that's with consensual sex im having as an adult let alone the sexual assault i was facing as a child
#this summer my father took me to the dentist who by coincidence was the brother of the man who molested me for years growing up#and afterwards we were getting breakfast and making small talk and of course the dentist and his brother came up#and immediately my body was like ''DANGER ZONE DANGER ZONE! CAN'T LET DAD KNOW THAT MAN FUCKED ME AS A KID#LEST HE START WANTING TO FUCK ME AS A KID TOO.'' it's genuinely so insaneeeeeee i hate it here#confession session#← the confession in this session is mine more than anything lol.
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I miss who I was in december and january
#was genuinely so happy and now look at me…kinda crazy how someone leaving you can completely change who you are#I also just really hate summer lol fuck the heat I want october and december back#WILL I EVER BE THAT GIRL AGAIN um no
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Just applied for a summer childcare position (like for a camp type thing) that pays 20–28 dollars an hour based on qualifications (I should be towards the end of that scale because I work in a school; and the only requirement the job lists is to be 16 and have experience with children). So hopefully they’ll consider me. That would be wonderful.
#I hate applying for jobs so much. Everyone uses a different website that makes you sign up for newsletters that clog your email#that you have to manually unsubscribe to#But yeah that’s way more than I get paid as a para lol#which is kind of sad because being a para or teacher is a lot more strenuous and complex than supervising kids during structured play#Because usually the kids enjoy stuff like rock climbing and swimming#so you don’t have to guide them through ten different layers of mental gymnastics to complete their work#or sometimes physically keep them from leaving the learning area after every problem they complete#(of course I do the last thing very gently; and I don’t like having to carry kids from under tables back to their seats#but they’re not going to learn anything if they stay underneath tables all day long… that kind of defeats the purpose of being in school.#I give a lot of verbal warnings before too. Some kids just refuse to learn all the time regardless of their mood because it’s funny to them#Anyway: Kids should not be playing video games past bedtime on a fucking Oculus Rift#Like seriously the tech withdrawal in some of these babies is palpable#Horrifying#Anyway this summer job will be a breeze if I get it#Hopefully no one will be begging me for chromebooks during rock climbing#(I know it sounds like I’m irritated with the kids; and I am. But it’s more irritation with their parents letting them become addicted#to iPads for the sake of convenience; and also frustration directed at capitalism that makes the parents so tired#that they let the iPad babysit their kids so they can rest. It’s the whole system man. It’s fucked.)
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god, i really wanna rewatch the summer i turned pretty to brush up my character understanding of belly and jeremiah (for the fic) but just thinking about taylor swift being the sountrack to belly's relationship with conrad makes me unreasonably heated!!!!
like, let's chat because what a way to give away the endgame. as someone in her late 20s, i grew up watching boy meets world, gossip girl, one tree hill, and many more teen dramas. i already expect the endgame couple to be the "first love". not only that but i've also READ THE BOOKS!!! i know belly doesn't end up with jeremiah. why are the showrunners making it that much more obvious??? it's boring!!!!
even if i had a glimmer of hope that they might change the way we get to that god awful endgame (but based on how jeremiah was written in season 2 i also doubt they'll make any significant changes even if it would be to avoid a tired and dangerous biphobic stereotype), it's still such a bummer to know, from the first season alone, that belly's not gonna end up with who i ship her with.
they should've balanced those songs out. they should've made taylor swift's music more of a belly thing rather than a ship thing.
all this brought to you by some bullshit line in an article about how because delicate is in the reputation album it means that "jeremiah is lust and vengeance." excuse me??? when half of the songs on that album are unapologetic love songs???
last thing. your first love will always be special. always. but it doesn't mean it's the most important one or that because you'll "never love someone the way you loved your first love" that your next loves aren't real. they are. they will be. romantic love isn't confined to one person for eternity.
#phew#what a rant#sorry not sorry#that line in the vulture article really god me#lol i fucking hate when ppl describe what belly has with jeremiah as lust and empty#the summer i turned pretty#tsitp#tsitp rant#team jellyfish#thoughts
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I’m shook that people are actually celebrating Conrad’s absolute fucking dickishness as “King” behavior like no sorry that’s trash behavior lol idk what y’all are watching but it’s clearly not the same show.
#the summer i turned pretty#anti conrad fisher#I don’t hate him but that was some cheap bs lol#it was fucking cringe
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