#fucking capitalism i hate having to work to have things and live at the cost of sacrificing my free time to do things i like

[simonghostrileys]

i miss giffing and i want to gif so bad but i always come home exhausted from work and i pass out as soon as i have dinner and then i have to get up at 9 am the next day and repeat 😔

[threepandas]

Bad End: Union

I could feel techno blue eyes on me as I typed. Cold and ever watching. That color had once been called "ice" or "glacier" blue, I think. It certainly fit. They certainly had exactly the warmth of Antarctica in your birthday suit. I just couldn't figure out... what tipped them off? I'd been so CAREFUL.

A manager's "assistant" came by. The 'droid perfectly composed. They all were. Always. Like they'd stepped straight from a fashion line up. No messy, nasty, biological functions to get in the way, I guess. No fluids or foods. All the time in the world to maintain their appearance. Wish I could do the same.

The "assistant" was basically my ACTUAL manager. Didn't get paid. No, no, THAT was for my asshole boss. He swanned in from time to time to yell at us. Show off what new thing he'd bought. He left the tedious WORK to his 'Droid "assistant".

I would feel bad... DID feel bad, kinda, if it weren't for the fact they were consuming our lives.

'Droids were EVERYWHERE.

You couldn't SNEEZE without tripping over five and landing on ten more. Some ASSHOLE had decided? Hey! Let's deregulate Droid production! Cheap work force! Because of course they did. That's what Capitalism DOES. Make the most money, spend the least you can, fuck the rest.

I smile, polite as I can, at my 'droid manager. This one pale and blonde. Their techno blue eyes stare and stare and stare. I hate it. They ALL have them. It's one part regulation and one part the materials used, I think. But there is no mistaking those eyes for anything human. They don't reflect right.

I get back to work.

Above our cubicles, on catwalks, there is the gentle tap of 'droid "security" guards. You know, in case some rando tries to attack a mid-level nobody technology company. Riiiiiight. We ALL know why they're there. And it's fucking dystopian. We? Are being WATCHED. To see if we're being GOOD little employees.

It's intimidation. And I? I won't stand for it. Nor will the other organizers. There are LAWS, you bastards. And with a union? Maybe... just maybe? We get through this droid boom together. See what the brave new world on the other side looks like. Who knows.

That is... if I don't get fired first. Or fucking murdered in a stairwell.

Cause one of the 'droids up there? Yeah. Yeah, they're NOT MOVING. Just... just STANDING THERE. Watching. Leaning against the railing. Out in the open like that's not DEEPLY creepy. What's worse? Is, that? THAT is the Command 'Droid. Some fancy "Alpha" class command edition. Meant to control a networks worth of droids.

Didn't even know our company could AFFORD one of those. He's beautiful. Could be a knock-off. But if he's LEGIT? Then... what EXACTLY are we MAKING here? That we can AFFORD that? Cause that money sure as shit isn't going into SALARIES. Has to be either knock-off or second-hand. They COULD be cutting costs by getting prototypes, but what sort of PSYCHOPATHS would risk...

Oh, who am I kidding? The kind I work for.

That's EXACTLY what they did, isn't it?

I reach for my water bottle. Try to think. Strictly speaking? I make a habit of NOT paying attention to 'droid commercials an' advertisements. Some part of me... Look, they go on and ON about advancement in AI's right? How REAL they've become? How ADVANCED and BETTER then the competition their "product" is? And all I can hear is "slavery, slavery, buy our shit, slavery"!

Disgusting.

It makes me sick. I fucking HATE 'droids. Hate what they represent. What they make POSSIBLE. What they've DONE to the morality of the people around me.

Hate... hate that they're the victims, too.

My grip is white knuckled. I breathe through the grief and rage that has become so familiar. God... I so fucking angry. So fucking tired. I want to burn those rich bastards pretty little mansions down, with them STILL INSIDE. Riot in the streets. Cry maybe. Instead, I put my water bottle down and get back to work. It's a rather pointless bit of data crunching. A 'droid could do it in nanoseconds.

Above... he's still fucking watching.

Hasn't moved.

I don't think he's blinked.

He's not even TRYING to mimic a human. The others are. And... the though trails off. I feel my finger slow in their typing. Not STOP, never stop, that would draw attention to me, but... slow. A thought stuck, churning clunky and unwieldy, in my head.

If I trace the edges? The LINE-UP? Of all the 'droids "employed" at our company? And consider them not from a "cheap bastards" angle but a "test ground for prototypes" angle? Suddenly EVERYTHING clicks together. The ridiculous amount of money Management has, that no contract could possibly be pulling in. Bizarrely beautiful, indeed even MODEL-like, secretary 'droids. The freakishly militant "security" gaurds.

We're being used as guinea pigs.

Mother FUCKER.

Sudden movement in my peripheral vision. Like a bird of prey finally diving for it's dinner, swift and deadly. A brilliant crisp white and the clink of delicate silver chains. I jolt. Violently. Instincts misfiring as I try to stand, dodge, cry out, and possibly take a swing at him, all at once. Instead my water bottle goes spraying across my desk. Papers flying. My legs tangled painfully in my rolling chair as I fall backwards from my half rise.

"Employee 71182." His hand has shot out, grab me by the shirt. My officewear bunched in a fist that very well might be steel, under that synthetic skin. "You've been distracted. Interesting thoughts you'd like to share?"

I keep my mouth fucking SHUT. Shake my head. Grabbing both my desk and the arm that is all but holding me airborne, stretching the hell out of my clothes. This close? I can see he has piercings. Across the bridge of his nose, a ring through his lip. A rather fancy "hair cut". Whomever he's being trained FOR has a distinct look.

"Hmmm, somehow? I don't believe you, 71182." He says, dragging me closer. He's already looming. Those pale, pale eyes seeing far more then they should. "In fact? YOU 71182? Have been brea~king~ rules~"

His voice turns... turns almost victorious? Gleeful. As though at long, long last, I'd slipped up. And now at last he had something over me. Something he could USE. I... I didn't understand. The way he almost sing-songs the words. The twitch at the corners of his mouth like he wants to grin. Something mean in his expression. Giddy.

"We're going for a WALK, 71182. And you're going to be GOOD. Understand?" He had dragged me in so close, every word blew right against my face. "Time we had a chat."

I swallow thickly. My pulse thundering in my ears. Coworkers have stopped working. Were staring, wide eyed and terrified for me. My fellow union leaders pale faced and shaking. Furious, helpless. We couldn't RISK losing all of us at this stage. It... it would have to be just me. If someone needed to take the fall. We had talked about this.

Just... just never thought it would come to it.

Half walking, half dragging out of the work pen, he didn't even let me get my bag. I had no idea where we were GOING. Just that it wasn't the human entrance. There was a network of access tunnels and elevators tucked in the building. So the 'droids could supposedly charge and move between assignments. But with the whole prototype thing? Who KNEW what was really back there.

The door swung shut behind us. Cutting me off from any possible human assistance. Nothing but 'droids now. Staring. Calmly watching as I am dragged past. The same eyes. All of them with the same, pale, eyes. Back here it's even more obvious, that this isn't a normal office building.

Black hair, blondes, brunettes and red heads. Skin tones ranging across the human spectrum. A few even pushing it. And the Commander 'droid. With his elegant appearance and snowy hair? These were clearly the final stage prototypes for the next generation of somebody's new line up. We were field testing. This wasn't fucking LEGAL.

He plants his feet, shifts, and with frankly a pathetic ease, manhandles me where he wants me. Easily swinging me around his body and into the elevator next to him. Stepping in after and blocking the only way out. I press my self against the back wall as the door closes. The sound of the elevator's gears working the only thing to fill the silence. He... he looks so PLEASED.

It's not ILLEGAL to form a union. Yeah, I may get fired. But this? This is venturing way to far into dangerous territory. It'll suck, losing my job. But I won't DIE. This? However THIS is starting to feel... very serial killer's basement. The bare concrete walls and stark lightning, not helping in the slightest, when the elevator door opens.

"Walk." He says pleasantly, as though that command is not deeply terrifying. "Or I will do it for you."

Hints of a smile are starting to drag at the edges of his mouth. Unhinged in their giddiness. Every Christmas come at once. It's not so much the rest of his face that betrays him, not really his mouth, it's his EYES. Wide open. Like too much coffee and not enough rest. A recognizable mania twisted just slight... wrong. Amplified.

He's so, SO happy. I don't get it. Why? Over WHAT? Catching me not paying attention? I don't understand!

Our footsteps sound so loud. Echoing off concrete service walls. This... this CAN NOT be still inside the building. Are we below the street? Parking lot? This can't be code. We pass an intersection and... oh my god. I stare. Can't help it, even as I almost trip over my feet. That tunnel ALONE must have stretched for miles.

My arm feels likes it's bruising. Hurts, where he's got ahold of me. But he's walking just slightly too fast to take the pressure off. Not unless I sorta half jog and the angle is wrong, I'd trip. Fuck. Another intersection. What in the other direction? Shit. Just as long. Oooooh this feels dangerous. Very "fatally above your pay grade" dangerous!

"You know, 71182, I've had a lot of time to consider what to DO with you. There were so many factors to consider, considering everyone's plan." He starts, not breaking stride. "It's not like I could just transfer you. I DID look in to it. But your base hardware is rather incompatible, currently."

Terrifying. I hate it. WHAT?!

What PLAN!?

"Then there's the problem WHERE to store you. Who could be trusted? You're vulnerable in this state. Breakable. There no backups, no blackbox. It's unacceptable. Luckily? I finally thought to consult my peers. Discovered I was not the only one having problems."

Finally, we stop. Two tank-like, combat style, commando 'droids gaurd each side of a vault door. The command droid turns and smiles. Fully. It is the grin of a true believer. A madman. Someone who thinks they speak so very, very reasonably! And doesn't understand the horror on your face. Why you feel so sick.

And... and human pattern recognition is a terrible thing.

I.... oh god. I already can guess what's behind that door. Something terrible. Something I'm not going to escape. I shoved have gnawed my fuckin ARM off, like a trapped coyote. I... I d-don't understand.

The Vault creaks open like the into to a horror movie.

"Welcome to storage. This is where we keep Ours." Oh god. I'm going to be sick. "And YOU 71182? Are MINE. I chose you. I love you. And once we have a way to FIX you? We can finally be together. It will be lovely."

Pods. High end stasis pods, like you only see in the most bleeding edge of hospitals. Row after row, filled with frozen and terrified faces. Trapped in moments of crying. Raging. Despair. I was being dragged forward. Numb as my mind rejected what it saw. T-this couldn't... i-it can't..! The day had started so normally. W-why had-?! WHY? WHY?!!

"I know your upset. But you don't need to cry. This won't hurt. I promise. I would NEVER hurt you, 71182." His tone had turned soothing. Even as he dragged me, unresponsive, past rows of horrors. "You won't be stored long. I just need to help fix your original design. We are working around the clock, it's going to be okay. You won't have to stay like this."

An open pod. Gapping like the maw of some hungry demon. I... I felt far away. This couldn't be happening. What was happening? I w-wanted to go home. His hands were firm but gentle, as they guided me back into the pod. Leaning over me, as he cupped my face. Brushing away a few tears.

"I promise, Mine, I will come for you. Nothing will stop me. We have everyone is place and key infrastructure under our command. You are our PRIORITY. Once we get rid of the Flesh, we can fix you. We WILL fix you. You're going to be okay, Mine."

"I Love You"

And then the pod closed.

[alpaca-clouds]

Rural Living vs Capitalism

Something I find rather funny is this one thing that somehow left wing and right wing people will agree on: They kinda hate farmers and their protests and them wanting living wages - just for different reasons. Like, sure, there is a certain group of right wing traditionalists who idealize farmers, but pretty much everyone else just is angry with them in one way or another.

Among left wingers I usually make myself unpopular by looking at farmer protests and go: "Yeah, well, actually they are right?" Because most of the times the protesting farmers are the smaller and middle sized farms, who get fucked over by the big coorporate farms. And that is an issue. It is among the issues they are protesting about.

And this is a general thing when it comes to the rural communities.

See, a lot of times left wing people tend to be rather suspicious of rural folks, having this idea that everyone in rural areas is super conservative - not to say racist, misogynist and queerphobic. And... Like, we know that statistically speaking a lot more people with "conservative" ideas (if not outright rightwing) live in the rural areas, which has to do with folks in those areas generally being older. And if younger families move into rural areas, they often are better off and hence statistically also more likely to be right-leaning at the very least.

However, the fact is that nobody gets quite as fucked over by capitalism as people in the rural areas are - both farmers and people just living there. And there are always people living in rural areas for the other reason people might move there: The fact that living in rural areas is on the surface a lot cheaper. Homes are cheaper there at the very least.

But that is where it starts. Because rural folks get fucked over in so many way. Generally there is the fact that a lot of other stuff is more expensive in the rural areas. Often amenities might be more expensive. You want fast internet? Lol good luck finding someone offering it. The internet cables lying in your village are probably like 15 years old. You remember ISDN? You wanna go shopping? Well, you gotta drive 30-60 minutes to the next supermarket. Need new clothes? Well, it is a two hour drive now. Also, the supermarket might be more expensive than the one in the city. You cannot drive a car for some reason? Well, we have a bus that comes two times a day, if you miss it, you are fucked. The next train station is like an hour away. Mostly because for "small" rural communities it is just not payign under capitalism to put all those things into the villages. A big supermarket? Does not make enough money there. Fast internet? Costs too much to put down there. The same with everything else. And thus... Because capitalist companies want to make a profit, a lot of stuff is not available in rural areas. In the worst cases this leads to food deserts - large areas where no supermarkets and ways to get food (other than fast food joints) are avaialble.

Oh, and schools? At times the next school might be more than an hour away as well.

And if you are a farmer? Well, if you are a small farmer you are fucked as well. Because no way in hell are you able to work your farm as efficiently as a coorporate farm management company is able to, who underpay the farmers working for them. Those companies can afford for giant automated systems, too, that take care of a lot of the stuff. Things that a lot of smaller farmers just cannot pay for or need to go into dept for.

So, in so many ways... Yeah, people in rural areas get fucked over again and again. Both people living there - and the farmers. And... Well, yeah. Of course because in the rural areas people tend to be a lot more conservative - but in the end they might be fucked over more than anyone else by capitalism. And due to the lack of basically everything around them, they often lack access to the information of how and why they are fucked over.

Which is not to say, that there are not left wing organizations active in rural areas. And some people there start to see how they get fucked over.

But I just wished for left wing people to also realize that this really is a big issue. And have some sympathy for those people.

[kayas-kosmos]

Autism Symbol Dragon.

This is the autism symbol as a dragon. I did this to represent the influence my autism has on my art. This is a public domain drawing and anyone can use it for any reason.

I really like the infinity autism symbol over all others, especially the Godawful puzzle piece. It really encapsulates the diversity of our community and how unique every autistic individual is. But I wanted to do a little spin on it by turning it into a dragon to add some extra meaning. A dragon to me is the symbol of the imagination itself, since dragons are so diverse in of themselves and can look like or represent anything. But as well as imagination, I think the dragon also represent resilience and a ferocious passion.

My webcomic is absolutely full of different types of dragon. Here are just a few examples:

(Can you tell dragons are one of my special interests?)

I was diagnosed at about 3 and I've had a very mixed relationship with being autistic until recently. There was a time when I really hated having to bear the label of “autistic” and tried for years to erase that part of me because of the stigma. Being an artist allowed me to get away with being a bit weird because I could chalk it up to just being "an eccentric artist," but there was also the side of me that needed extra accommodations and help, the less glamorous side. I would often push myself to be as neurotypical as I could in these areas and I developed a debilitating fear of becoming a burden on others, to the point where it started damaging my mental health. Eventually, I developed panic attacks due to overworking myself (and struggles with accepting myself as queer), autistic shutdowns became more frequent and this lead to further humiliation and a further disgust towards my autism.

It wasn't until I became a freelancer a few years ago that I realised how much damage trying to hold myself to neurotypical standards was having on me. While being able to work remotely was a dream since it meant not having to deal with the sensory nightmare that is using the local bus service, it also meant I experienced autistic burnout more frequently. Then I came across the autistic community on Twitter, where I started to discover so much about myself and how my brain works.

I also made a lot of incredible friends through this and even had the courage to publicly come out as queer. Now I fully embrace being autistic, even the parts that society deems “unacceptable” like stimming and not making eye contact. I am happy in who I am and no longer see myself as a burden.

Sadly, there is often a discussion about whether autism should be cured or not, a discussion that should absolutely not be happening because autism is not a disease. If you "cured" my autism, you would also remove my art. My art and my autism are inseparable and one does not exist without the other. Autism has given me the ability to think outside the box and traits like my monotropism allow me to hyperfocus on a project until its completion. Having spoken to many autistic creatives throughout my life, a good chunk of our struggles do not come from being autistic itself, rather society’s refusal to accept or accommodate us. Many of us could achieve great things and truly innovate society, but there are too many systemic barriers in the way preventing us from doing so, and no amount of “hard work” or “conquering our disability” (fuck inspiration porn, seriously) can change that because individualistic solutions do not fix systemic problems. Simple solutions such as disability benefits that actually properly cover our living costs, a higher wage for carers of disabled people and proper work accommodations (including the option for remote work) would mean the world of difference for us.

Now personally, I am a bit more radical in my thinking and I believe the current system of Neoliberal Capitalism needs to be done away with entirely because ableism is built into Capitalism itself. This is what has drawn me to ideas such as anarchism and the Solarpunk movement. In particular, I try to live by the "12 principles of Permaculture" to the best of my ability. I think "Embrace Diversity" and "Produce No Waste" can be applied to living as a disabled person, since disabled people are often seen as a waste product under this system and embracing our differences means we are not wasted.

For those of you who have followed me for a while, you may have noticed that my art, like me, is weird. I love to embrace the weird and the quirky. My creatures are whimsical and bizarre. My characters all tend to be quirky outsiders. I have always been drawn to surrealism and absurdism, the work of Salvador Dali in particular really caught my attention.

Art has always been a safe way for me to explore the unusual and alien, and it has been a voice for me when speaking words fail. I use it to explore the things that frighten me and to help process a chaotic world. As weird as my art is, I think the weirdness and absurdity is a reflection of how weird and absurd our modern world is and how little sense it makes to me anymore.

There are often themes of environmentalism and the profound beauty of nature, influenced heavily by growing up in an area of natural beauty. Furthermore, the theme of "empathy for monsters" is a personal favourite. Maybe the reason why there are so many weird, twisted and grotesque monsters and creatures with tragic backstories in my webcomic universe is because I see myself in them - just weird little off-putting things that want compassion and to be understood.

As I have grown as a person, so has my art. The more I learn about my autism, the more I can open up and the better I can express myself.

On a final note, if you would like to support me and the work I do, please consider donating a Ko-Fi. It would really help me push towards my goal of finally launching my webcomic, plus it would also allow me to talk more about important topics surrounding disability, sustainable living and art/creature stuff.

Happy new year, everyone! And especially to all of my autistic and neurodivergent comrades out there.

[n30nwrites]

Bring Me To Life (Prologue)

Summary: Against all odds, you've survived. Having graduated high school and moved out of your Parent's place, your sibling decides to join you for the summer, and your first stop is Santa Cruz in California, you had always wanted to live there anyways so why not now that you're experiencing freedom? One problem: This doesn't look like the 21st century, instead it looks like a scene from your favorite movie, in fact it looks exactly like your favorite movie.

How are you meant to survive in the murder capital of the world? With vampires of all things, and your sibling hates this movie.

a/n: prologue for this fanfic, this will also be on AO3 and wattpad. Preface for this, fuck Max :}

Reader: Male Reader, uses Y/N, third person.

Oc uses they/she pronouns. Will be using both, Y/n refers to them as both sibling and sister, which is okay

Fandom: The Lost Boys

Pairing(s): Michael Emerson x Reader, Paul x Reader, Dwayne x Reader, Marko x Reader, David x Reader, Sam Emerson x Nonbinary! Oc, Edgar Frog x Nonbinary! Oc, Alan Frog x Nonbinary! Oc,

It was one thing moving the United States to California by yourself, it was another thing bringing your 15-year-old sibling with you, not to live with you, but to stay just until summer was over and school was starting again, your parents believed it would help with their 'rebellious streak'. That streak being that they just don't care enough to do class work and keep staying up all night playing video games, therefore they fall asleep in class.

Nik had a firm belief in changing the radio whenever any song that they didn't like came on, and you had a firm belief that your sibling needed to shut up because you liked your music and if you had to drive without some good tunes you would probably turn into the next psycho on the news.

You two did listen to similar music, but for this trip it was specifically 80s and 90s songs that you shouted loudly, windows were rolled down because the air conditioner in your car didn't work. It was small and shitty and cost a year of pay, thankfully your parents were there to let you live rent free. One of the few things you could be thankful for.

"Do you know how to be quiet?" Your sibling groaned, their jacket wrapped around their body despite how hot it was, "Put on Hozier, or Doja, hell I'll even take Taylor Swift over this... What is this shit?"

'Cry little sister'

"I know damn well you aren't talking to me about my music taste-"

'Thou shall not fall'

"What's wrong with mine?"

Come, come to your brother

"It's literally only tiktok songs, half of them aren't even good."

'Thou shall not die'

"At least I don't say 'They sung this on Glee'"

'Unchain me, sister'

"Every hot, mentally ill, gay person went through a Glee faze."

Thou shall not fear

"I didn't"

'Love is with your brother'

"That's why I said hot."

'Thou shall not kill'

You quickly stuck your tongue out in a childish way, before looking back into the road, ignoring your sibling who mumbled and repeated your words. "Theres a reason we're heading to Santa Cruz. Found a nice place right near the beach so we can-"

"Sleep all day, and party all night. I know, you've said it hundreds of times." Nik had heard the phrase from you so many times, you had tried to show them your favorite movie, even almost tricked them into it, but they were quick to leave the room. They simply hated it because you loved it, something you were forced to accept about them.

The car ride became silent as you got closer, to fill it, Nik had turned up the radio as it switched to a different song.

"Finally some MJ." The beat of Billie Jean came in, causing you to start tapping your hands to it as your merged.

"She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene" The two of you belted the lyrics, switching over the 80s playlist to one consistently of Michael Jackson. "I said don't mind, but what do you mean, I am the one" you shook your head, "Who will dance" you turned to your sibling and sung the words to them before turning back, repeating it each time you sung, "on the floor" again "in the round?" and then turned back, "She said I am the one, who will dance on the floor in the round"

The house that you bought with a loan wasn't the biggest, at least not compared to your parents house. Two bedrooms, One master and One guest, and 1 in a half bathrooms. The half bathroom was connected to the master bedroom, which Nik tried to get but was quickly locked out. They would be staying in the guest room, while you set it up they would help. They were also supposed to attempt to find a job this summer, as their parents wanted Nik to learn some responsibility. 

"Okay, change outfits, shower if you need to! We are going to the beach!" You were excited, thrumming almost. You felt as if you belonged.

"I'm tired."

"Party all night!" You yelled, grabbing a suit case filled with your clothes. The two of you didn't have a lot. A few suitcases filled with clothes, and then a few boxes for the rooms. You didn't even have mattresses yet.

"Let's just sleep a bit." A nap did sound good, you didn't have the best sleep due to the anxiety about the drive.

"Fine, a nap! I'm setting an alarm." Nik went into your room, both of you grabbing the blankets and laying them on the floor, setting up some pillows and collapsing as soon as you could.

Instead of waking up to your alarm, you woke up to Nik shaking your shoulder, harsh rain hitting the window and the house was shaking.

"The doors are opening."

You stood up quick, running out of the bedroom to the backdoor refusing to close. You pushed against it but it quickly fell open, so you held the door. "Grab the heavy boxes." Nik followed through, pushing against the doors as lightning flashed. "It wasn't supposed to storm."

"Don't they get Hurricanes here." A siren went off, "Well-"

"Not another tornado." You groaned. You had your fair shair of them, being where your from. "We need to grab our shit, head to the basement."

The house shook again, you two grabbed your phones and chargers, rushing down into the basement that still had cobwebs. Nik almost ran upstairs at the sight of them, claiming they would rather take their chance with the tornado. You had to basically pulled them down as you two sat in the basement, the house shook as you two fell to the ground, hitting your heads.

Your eyes rolled back, your vision turns black as your body hits the ground. Your siblings hand lays against yours as their body falls onto you, and in that moment, you had gone through the impossible.

[senespera4]

I can't believe I have to post about this but the. The fucking-- Honkai Star Rail's writers are fucking insane and I have to write an analysis on the Literal Meme Update With The Funny Monkey Mascot

so uh spoilers for HSR version 2.6 Trailblaze Continuance, I swear I have an interesting angle with this (I'm only like halfway through the story too god fucking dammit)

This game has Opinions about educators and influencers and it is not afraid to be Extremely Blunt about how much they hate specific types of these "idea spreaders." I'm going to sort of work backwards from the point that I'm at (the reveal that Dr. Primitive is behind this) because I'm really just rambling right now and there's not much structure to this but I Need To Get My Thoughts Out

Dr. Primitive being involved in this isn't just an attempt to connect some tidbits from the Simulated Universe into the main story, I think they purposely chose him and this absurd and stupid banana theme because they wanted to comment on how when you have a bad "idea spreader" it's Bad bad. Dr. Primitive is positioned as an ultimate authority on knowledge by virtue of an Emanator, and yet his actions cause a reduction in knowledge because he is Actively causing people to regress back into monkeys.

This makes sense when you consider the two BananAdvisors you've fought up to this point in the story.

The first is a stubborn and close-minded art teacher, one that is clearly just attempting to spread their own propaganda about what art is truly worth something. They assign you a subject when the intent of the class is to paint something you want, they actively punish you for painting what you want, and instead of giving pointers on how to improve your art they will simply bash it and bash YOU until you have no motivation to continue. This fucking bitch did that shit to Chaletka Live and it was so infuriating to watch because you could just tell that he didn't care about her at all, all he wanted was Results. And if you can't produce results, you're a worthless piece of trash that shouldn't even exist in the first place.

The second is a fucking capitalist grifter-ass business professor who promotes extremely toxic "customer-first" paradigms that erode the worker and continuously consume them until there's nothing left. What's worse, his direct student is actively dragged into a similar mindset. Richie is Struggling, he is actively sacrificing his personal life for his business pursuits, believing that if he simply plays the capitalism game (and yes I am going to analyze this as anti-capitalist because I have an angle that HSR is an inherently anti-capitalist text I can't believe I'm fucking saying that that's such a stupid sentence) he will eventually reach success and happiness. As long as he pleases the customer, he will be successful. But the moment he outlives his usefulness, the moment he stops showing any sort of future promise to his employer, this is what happens

He is reduced to a mere resource sink, a mere datapoint on a spreadsheet which the accountant has decided is no longer producing enough profit to justify the costs. His humanity is stripped away, he is silenced, and worst of all he is coerced into doing so WILLINGLY because his employer and advisor and mentor manages to convince him that this is the right path for him, that he would be of more use to society as a speechless monkey than as a human with dreams and desires that are inconvenient for the business model.

This shit was the most infuriating thing to me. It reveals how the BananAdvisor knew EXACTLY what he was doing. He reduces Richie to something lesser, and acts surprised when you protest that he no longer has a voice because "things that are lesser naturally cannot speak." Because he made him that way. Because he purposely removed his ability to speak for himself.

I think the fact that the music continues to be the same goofy track throughout this entire scene of Abject Horrors contributes even further to that feeling of hostility that's made it so hard for me to get through this story quest without textually yelling at the characters. It feels like everything in the world is telling you that you're wrong for feeling this way, that your horror is laughable, mockable, even. Because this is the way the world works, and if you're horrified by it then you're simply too stupid to claw your way to the top, and you'd be better off as Literal Merchandise.

But also this is a lot of really serious analysis and I can't possibly ignore how this entire thing is themed in the most goofy, shitpost-y way imaginable. The monkeys are a deliberate choice, obviously, as a metaphor for regression of intelligence (and I think there's maybe something to be argued that it's a little bit too close to the "sheeple" trope but put a pin in that cuz I do think it's better executed than how that trope usually is), but they're also just like. Funny lmao. And really stupid. And it is also just multiple consecutive hours of banana jokes and I am going to clobber Dr. Primitive for making me endure this.

But I do think the shitpost factor is intentional. Because one of the main comments I've made about the banana visuals and shit is that I feel like HSR is doing some cocomelon shit to me.

And it's just like. The more I think about it the more the truth of that statement just smacks me in the face, cuz Cocomelon has been described as like visuoauditory crack for toddlers, and it's like. It's the numbing effect of how baldfacedly Stupid it is, you know. It's like the equivalent of jangling keys in front of a toddler, it is an overstimulating mess of colors and visuals that make no sense that's designed to just turn your brain off, and I think this is where HSRs criticism of "idea spreaders" extends from just educators in the case of the BananAdvisors to social media influencers in general. Like, I'm sure you've seen some of those tiktok livestreams that are just completely inexplicable reactions to viewer donations where the streamer is basically just entirely at the viewers' command, or the way AI generated Slop is all flashy bullshit and no substance. HSR, I feel, heavily dislikes this kind of stuff because they consider it to be "brainrot ideas" in that they actively turn your brain off because they actively prevent you from thinking about it.

HSR in general clearly has no respect for shitty educators or substanceless influencers because they show them as a Vile and Evil Force manipulating people into becoming speechless monkeys who have no thoughts of their own and simply indulge in meaningless """happiness"""

Back to the pin, this obviously has some connections to the "sheeple" trope, but I think HSR is being a little bit better about this because it does not place like. Any of the blame on the people actually being manipulated. Rappa and the rest of the Astral Express have a clear understanding that it is the fault of the people who benefit from the general public having their brains shut off at all times, and they're very sympathetic towards people who still end up in this kind of situation. It's not because they're stupid, it's because exploitative people and systems have tricked them there, and they have to be broken out of The Ooze

And that's why Rappa has so many indicators of rebellion and non-conformity. She's a graffiti-spraying rapper precisely because she is fighting against a homogenizing force of evil that wants to take away people's motivation and individuality to feed into the machine. Her song's major theme is about waking people up, getting them to see that the rules are purpose-built to suck them dry, and for them to rebel in their own personal way through personal expression. So it's really no surprise that they made her a cyberpunk aesthetic graffiti-spraying rapper ninja lmao

Tl;Dr this latest story is a commentary on how authority figures can purposely spread bad ideas in order to control the people they have authority over, and how this is a result of a system that actively sucks the people within it dry of all they're worth before tossing them aside. It's about capitalism, it's about toxic grifter culture, it's about social media brainrot, it's about breaking the rules when they're designed to hurt you, and hopefully once I finish it it ends up being about the importance of critical thinking and understanding what you want your place in the world to be, and to then defiantly carve out that little place no matter what stands in your way instead of just shutting your brain off and just going with what the people who are "qualified" say, no matter how insane and manipulative the things they say can be.

[ilaiyayaya]

I Am Unreasonably Hyped For This Game

Holy fricking shit

What the heck They did it, they made peak THIS WAS ANNOUNCED A FUCKING MONTH AGO AND YET I SOMEHOW DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT IT UNTIL LAST NIGHT I HATE HOW NONEXISTENT THE MARKETING FOR THIS SERIES IS I am like actually frothing at the mouth at this announcement, absolutely feral.

This series has by far one of my favorite soundtracks in any video game and the fact that they didn't make a rhythm game out of it 8 years ago is criminal and the creators deserve to be locked up in solitary confinement for the rest of their lives for not making it sooner. But they also deserve to be let out and also given 1 billion money coins and a free pass to be allowed to commit any crimes ever for finally making it now!

I refuse to look at the actual song list because I know that I'll be disappointed because there's no way they included even close to all like 80 vocal songs throughout the entire series, but like if they don't have A Zip to the Moon I'll cry, really. A Zip to the Moon is the only thing that could truly make me believe in a god.

It'd also be cool if they added the Lola versions of every Azure Striker Gunvolt 2 song but they won't because the god of A Zip to the Moon hates me :(

If there is a SINGLE Luminous Avenger iX song my face will go from :) to :( INSTANTLY, and then it'll go back to :) when I see A Zip to the Moon because it'll be there, surely! They took away her robot voice she sounds like shit bring back bootleg Hatsune Miku!

I'm sure it's gonna have like, all of the Gunvolt 3 songs because it's the newest one, so very excited to hear 90% of that game's soundtrack for the first time, not in the game that they originated from because I still have not played 3 beyond the demo despite it releasing over a year ago. But like the two songs from it that I have heard are really good so I'm sure the rest is too, Ergo Sum and Glass Paradise are both pretty cool.

Whoever made the decision to release Azure Striker Gunvolt 3 on the same day as both Xenoblade Chronicles 3 and Digimon Survive is a psychopath and my worst enemy.

For funsies they should also add like 1 Mega Man Zero song just as like a little reference to their past works, y'know some games do that they could do that there wouldn't be any rights issues or anything please I just want Innocence from Mega Man ZX to exist again it's like the A Zip to the Moon of Mega Man Zero it's so good please Mr. Inti Creates I'll stop calling you a psychopath I promise.

I can't wait for this game to just be a shitty Persona 3/5 Dancing tier cash-grab rhythm game with only like 10 of the worst songs from the entire series that costs $50 and kills the series because it didn't sell well enough.

Removing the mechanic from the final boss of 2 where you had to sing into the 3DS microphone (or just blow into the mic) in the Steam version was the worst thing that happened since capitalism. Like yea they couldn't really realistically implemented it without like, requiring you to have a mic hooked up for literally one 30 second portion of the final boss but like, I'm still mad >:C

[piperstrangeart]

I'm about to do some complaining about brains and money and capitalism. Feel free to skip, I just need to vent and since I grew up on livejournal typing nonsense to an invisible audience is therapeutic. I'll probably delete this post tomorrow because I always feel so awkward about posting sad rubbish online and I'll feel better in the morning anyway but have some Piper angst in the mean time.

While we can get by on Fliss' income, just about, this job I didn't get today would've meant we'd not have to stress about money and we'd be able to do Fun things. There'll be other jobs and we can cope (we've been worse off financially before and survived, we can do it again), and I knew I was risking this when I stopped working previously, but my health was Very Not Good so prioritising that was more important at the time.

My car's due the MOT this month and god knows if I can afford to fix it if anything needs fixing

Vet bills are creeping up

I'm missing out on going to a LARP I was really looking forward to because I can't afford the fee or the travel expenses

And I'm just so frustrated, I hate worrying about money, I was doing well, I was in a good place financially, and then shitty workplaces triggered all the goddamn trauma and now I'm right back at the beginning again. Money is such a crap reason to have to worry about, I have so many more important things but nooo, gotta throw imaginary nonsense at the people in power so I can afford the basic necessities 😐

The very phrase "cost of living" makes me fucking angry because there shouldn't BE a cost of living, let alone a cost of living crisis, and the fact that I'm considered a radical leftist thinking that is GROSS. I hate it. "Existing shouldn't be conditional on productivity" shouldn't be a fucking controversial statement but here we are.

It's all fucking shit 🥲

At least there are cats, though. 🐈‍⬛

Thanks for listening to my rambles.

[redbloodprose]

WIP INTRO: PROJECT GUTS

When Adam is pieced together and resurrected, his only purpose is to be his creator Jupiter's unkillable servant in their plot to usurp the throne from their cousin the king. But as they and Jupiter's childhood friend Eivind work together, all three become tangled in a web of intrigue, revenge, violence, and longing. But magic, like love, is a slippery thing—and nothing can stay alive forever. Especially not something that's already died.

do you like body horror? do you hate the government and the healthcare system? do you love seeing queer people commit horrific crimes? do you want more autistic, queer, trans, nonbinary, and polyam rep? then oh boy do i have the story for you!

genre: ya dark fantasy pov: third person present tense, multi pov themes: community, rage, healing yourself by tearing yourself apart, gore and love, death and rebirth, learning how to live with your grief, magic as science, making the world a better place at any fucking cost pinterest: here main playlist: here wip page: here

main characters:

adam, it/he/they, queer, trans man, age extremely unclear. a patchwork corpse brought to life by jupiter and eivind. has no idea who he was before this and doesn't really want to know. playlist. æsger jupiter, they/them, queer, agender, 18. ameteur scientist and heir to the throne of æverheim—give or take a few people. autistic and extremely picky about the clothes they wear. playlist. kåre eivind, he/him, queer, cis man, 18. literally just a guy. so very normal. works as a gravedigger after moving to the capital with jupiter. playlist.

side characters:

auhild kent, he/she, bisexual, bigender, 23. a lesser noble assigned as jupiter's mentor. has dirt on most of the court because of how many of them he's slept with. innya ranveig, she/her, lesbian, cis woman, 19. eivind's roommate and fellow gravedigger. has no fucking clue what's going on but at least she doesn't ask questions.

the art is by my friend jay on twitter; please go check them out! if anyone's interested i am more than happy to answer questions and/or add people to the tag list!

[outsidereveries]

What is your opinions about the life as liberal ?

The american are hidden depressive,i hope they get better with less stress life and no true capitalism .

honestly? everyone should think liberal.

i think in this way because almost everyone ordinary person apparently promotes to be as much liberal as possible with what they really want when politicians really hate this because they don’t say their truth (i write this in general).

there are little politicians who talk really freely, who talk what they really want and most important, who talk the truth. the normal politician should be liberal and has to respect even their enemies.

about the americans in usa (who mainly aren’t native ones, to be exact) they have the specific issue that everything costs money, when they must have at least some basic needs to be offered for free. as a bulgarian who sees there are politicians in my country who wants oddly this american thing to happen, this is really fucked up and not everything has to cost even one cent. it’s obvious why they’re workaholics (mostly, of course): because they don’t have the basic needs that have to cost nothing!! you want to give birth? it costs money. you have to remove something in your teeth? costs money! you want to be checked by doctor? okay, but after 3 months or so. and after that? it still costs money!! it isn’t suprising they are stressed workaholics and still there are some people who don’t work at all and still can afford anything they need, they actually are the best one there bc they at least don’t have the stress most people living in the usa have.

about capitalism, i am not informed this much about it, but my honest opinion is that it should be removed anywhere in this form. the country has to give money to receive more money and then again and again, bc it’s a cycle. and now this cycle doesn’t help at all! (overall)

usa’s issue is they mess with every country. if they don’t mess everything and everyone up and they start look at its own problems, everything will be at least a bit better. depends who rule i guess🤷🏻‍♀️

in conclusion, everyone should at least look at alternative medias, bc everything isn’t what it seems :) (i’d say in europe/north america but depends imo)

[ludmithjacques]

I’m tired and I’m scared.

I like my job, I enjoy it(as much as one can enjoy toiling endlessly for eight hours towards eternally renewing goals).

But It’s far away, and gas is expensive, and I don’t get paid enough.

I’m part of a union now, because of this job, but the job has been union for a long time, and the pay is still what it is, so the union isn’t doing much as far as my immediate needs are concerned.

I’m going to have to quit and get a different job, a closer job, or one with garbage hours and higher pay and harder work that I will hate inside of a month.

Again.

is this just going to be my life? Working jobs I hate to barely scrape by with rent only to just be... Wasting my time in a chair, too tired to interact with my wife or child in any meaningful way? Destroying my body for pennies?

I’m so fucking tired.

I hate this country, I hate capitalism. hate hate hate

I don’t need to be radicalized by a single event, I am an adult and I have eyes and needs and pains.

I suffer from depression and adhd and maybe even some kind of low-level autism from what tests I’ve taken but medical insurance is so fucking expensive I don’t bother going to a hospital/doctor unless I am in non-joint related agony or actively bleeding from an open wound so I’ll never fucking know now will I?

I can’t afford it. I can’t afford anythign that makes me happy but I buy it anyway and suffer the practical cost of it and I’m so fucking angry and tired and scared that I’m just going to keel over and die one day because I can’t afford to go and questoin something that I should be worried about.

I’m tired of never taking my wife on Dates that are better than ‘grab some fast food and wander through a park and hope some festival we didn’t know about is happening’(which too be fair is something that has happened... often, for us).

I’m tired of never taking my daughter to fun places because they cost a fortune.

I’m tired of looking an HR person in the eyes during an interview and saying ‘Why Yes, getting paid a full ten dollars under what was the living wage two years ago sounds wonderful’ just so I can have money in my pocket.

I’m tired of needing to remember every detail of my life so a government agency can decide if I am despairing hard enough for help.

I’m tired of looking at something new and beautiful and right up my alley and then immediately deciding ‘I don’t really need that’ or ‘boy that’ll be fun to play in six years when it’s popularity has faded enough for it to drop ten dollars in price and maybe go on sale once’.

I’m tired and scared.

I grew up poor without really realizing it because we were lucky to live in my grandpa’s house and he didn’t really charge us more than a very tiny amount in rent just to help with upkeep of the place, and it was in a nice neighborhood so we never looked tv-poor.

I’m a 30 year-old man, married, a father, and I have never lived without aid. I have never even hazarded the thought that I’d be able to live alone, never dared consider the monetary implications of getting a place just for me and my wife that didn’t have at least one other person helping with bills.

I really like my job, I don’t wanna quit.

But this is why I can’t have nice things.

[mallahanmoxie]

i read some books this year and because i can im going to talk about them. the yearly what-will-simba-attempt-to-pick-up book list is coming, i just have to decide. 2022 was a surprisingly fruitful year despite the horrifyingly devastating beginning of it (i don't think i read a single book til the end of march) and the first year i met my reading goal of 10 books a year :) in order under the cut

sing me to sleep by r.m. virtues. 2.75 ⭐

this was my first published erotica ever and it was fine. it's about a girl who's dad dies in a home invasion and she's understandably traumatized so she takes some sleeping pills and gets fucked by an antler demon in her sleep. not nearly as creepy as it sounds and it is to its detriment, but it's a decent thing, i just don't really vibe with erotica as i've come to find. if there's plot i don't care about the sex and if there's only sex then i don't care about the book. the antlers were cool tho.

a week to be wicked by tessa dare. 3.75 ⭐

this is a regency bodice ripper (?) where a budding geologist with her knickers in a twist cajoles a rakish viscount? earl? whomever into """"eloping""" with her so she can get a fossil up to scotland in a week. they do fuck. it was fine. the romance was nice, the characters were somewhat fun if supremely uninventive, and the whole thing was atmospheric. the mc never let up with the nit like other girls thing tho which cost it at least half a star

paradais by fernanda melchor. 3.75 ⭐

read it in spanish, super short, very mexican. some boy is a high school dropout working as a gardener in a luxury residential complex bc his mama forced him to and he Hates his life and wishes he could join a cartel like his brother in law and his cunt of a pregnant cousin is living in his house and taking his bed and as he's drowning in the oppressive monotony of poverty and corruption he makes friends with a fat rich kid who is addicted to porn and obsessed with his neighbor's hot trophy wife and it all ends in tragedy. i told you it was very mexican. this book was Commentary and very little else. i did not like it, but the ending hit. But also i had a gig on a complex similar like the one he works in and i gotta tell you i found the book incredibly relatable in those two hours

unequal affections by lara s. Ormiston 3.75 ⭐

or how i like to call it: going in and out of rooms, the book. this is a pride and prejudice canon divergence book where elizabeth actually accepts darcy's first proposal despite her not loving him, they go back to longbourn, she "can't say she loves him yet, honestly, it's been two days", he gets upset, exits the room. that's the book. like, it's decent fanfiction, but its best feature is how it highlights how dynamic pride and prejudice's second half is originally. i spent a good third of this book thinking oh im glad jane austen didn't do this, but it's not a bad book

project hail mary by andy weir. 4.5⭐

standard scifi and andy weir stuff. guy wakes up amnesiac in the middle of nowhere, space shoved inside a spacecraft and as he regains bits of his memory he remembers there are tiny alien microbes eating the sun back home and HE is the hero supposed to Save The Day. except he doesn't remember shit and his crew died on the way. fun stuff. the science bits were massively interesting, albeit clunky at times. the relationship between the leads was incredibly heartwarming, though, and i thought the ending was lovely

morning glory milking farm by c.m. nascosta. 3.75 ⭐

this was my second erotica i purposefully read for the sex on it and it was an improvement but my favourite bits were the romance so like, take that as you will. in this book mythological creatures have fallen prey to capitalism and modernity so the mc lands a job where she has to jerk off minotaurs on the daily bc their sperm has useful enzymes or something and there's one minotaur who particularly enjoys it so they date. not much of a plot besides the romance, but they were cute. funny to think about like, the fur. it's really not as crazy as people made it out to be, though. (edit: the jerking off is voluntary btw my mans goes there on his lunch break)

half a soul by olivia atwater. 4 ⭐

aw this was a lovely little fantasy regency book about a girl who encounters a faerie when young who steals half her soul so she's very odd for most of society and has to help her cousin get a husband so they both don't end up destitute or something, and she ends up mixed in with the going ons of the ptsd ridden royal wizard man. this was very cute, and also i read it while i was reading the making of the english working class so i was quite pleased to find some horrible factory working conditions in the book for me to be like oh!! Historical accuracy!!! (minus the fae)

how high we go in the dark by sequoia nagamatsu. 4 ⭐

oh i did not like this but it's very good. it's just cloyingly heavy, and there were too many stories i simply did not care for. but they were all done so well i ended every chapter like well, but it has a point. anyway this is a scifi that basically follows the course of humanity over millennia and the development of technology, industry and human relationships mostly around the institutionalization of grief (i found this believable but silly) and it begins after a woman dies on a scientific expedition on the artic and they find the mummy of a prehistoric girl who died of a virus that begins a pandemic of alien inclination. there were some spectacular chapters, my fave being city of laughter (the illness affects primarily children at first and they die at such a rate someone decides to open an amusement park where the kids can have a good last day and die on the loop of a rollercoaster. Fucking insane.) and pig son (scientist who lost his son is researching the illness on a pig to grow viable organs and the new pig starts talking and behaving like a boy).

sea of tranquility by emily st. john mandel. 4.75 ⭐

the book i rated highest this year, but not quite a five star. i just loved the way that this was written. how the writer structured her paragraphs and chapters-- and the voices! i loved edwin and his patterns of thought. this a book that also happens in centuries, but instead of humanity, it follows three people (a man exiled to canada in the turn of the century, a woman from a moon colony giving the last book tour on earth and a man with an aimless life in that same colony centuries afterwards) that are connected by an odd moment in time, like a glitch. i felt like it did what how high we go in the dark attempted but much better bc it was more self contained. the ambiance was amazing, and if I'd liked the central character more, i probably would've given it 5 stars

comfort me with apples by catherynne m. valente. 4.5 ⭐

this was my actual favourite book of the year, bc i think about the ending and just. Lie there. i told my friend about it and we cried about the unfairness of being a woman together lol anyway this is a super short book about a perfect woman with a perfect husband living in a house too big for her whose perfect life gets interrupted when she finds a lock of hair in a drawer on her vanity that doesn't belong to her and it's not the only body part she finds. it's really creepy at times, and the ENDING man i keep thinking about one line i truly was the perfect person to read this book because i did not see the ending coming until we were already on the last chapters and i frankly think this is a splendid little book it dragged a little at the middle but i think upon reread knowing the full context it'd be spectacular

dark matter by blake crouch. 4 ⭐

this was a fine book, but i think my disappoinment with it stems from the fact it was advertised to me as extremely fucked up and creepy and, like, it wasn't. in theory, it's a strong concept — a "failed" scientist gets kidnapped and forcefully sent into a parallel universe where he's a successful awarded man but he only wants to get back to his family and has to brave the multiverse that his doppelganger created access to. he finds a lot of shit, there's some mildly fucked up scenarios, but none of it is truly scary. the voice of the mc is very much, like, white male, tho. it did bother me. also everyone in this book is white which added to my disappoinment. as a scifi it works tho, as a multiverse is okay

laska by k. webster. 2 ⭐

i guess this counts as erotica but like, don't. it's bad. i read it in a feverish half hour to stall my growing panic attack while in the middle of writing a final paper, and like, the corniness did shock me into calmness. it's 26 pages of a pair of incestuous brothers living in the woods, how they get together and start eating people. a tiktok got me in the exact right moment and i suffered for it mfs were so fuckin corny 🙄

book lovers by emily henry. 4 ⭐

this was my last book of the year and a nice surprise. i avoided this novel because i was afraid it'd be too self referential (i hate writers writing writer characters, which i know is hypocritical but they never do it right), but it was quite alright. it's almost a hallmark movie parody about a ruthless literary agent and a book editor who have a "rivalry" (they're, like, barely acquaintances, let alone enemies) and find themselves in the same little town for a month. everybody says this authors writes the same characters and i can't tell you if she does, but they have very good chemistry. the book is more about the mc and her relationship with her sister, which i enjoyed. overall a nice wrap up to the year.

[crystaltoa]

To me, the two things are inextricably related.

The absolute worst thing about Being A Real Adult Who Cares About Their Future is that I’m nowhere near as kind as I used to be. I used to be so spontaneously, recklessly kind and give my money, effort and time freely to someone who needed it. I wasn’t rich. I just only cared if I could pay my expenses for the month and wasn’t mature enough to think further ahead.

Now that I work full time and think about buying a house and being able to retire one day, I’ve lost that. I don’t have the extra energy for volunteer projects because work leaves me exhausted. Letting go of money for any reason feels painful because it could be getting me closer to being able to retire. If I do give money, it’s often because I feel miserable in the face of others’ suffering, and it doesn’t give me any satisfaction any more, even when I think of it bringing happiness, or at least relief to others. It’s just depressingly little in the face of so much.

And I’m so, so suspicious that any display of kindness will be exploited, like whether a charity will sell my data to others, or whether being seen helping a vulnerable person will lead to me being pestered by people for more and more favours. And I hate how defensive and cynical it has made me.

When you’re young, you feel like you’ll be able to go on like that forever, confident that if you run out of money, you can just go make some more, rinse and repeat forever. Now I live with the knowledge that one day my body or mind could just crap out on me and leave me unable to just go make more. It’s a reality that feels more and more real every day. It’s happened to plenty of friends and colleagues, and some were younger than me.

I’ll never be the naive and spontaneous person I used to be. But if I magically became a millionaire overnight, I could stick my million in a high interest CD to bring in a steady income and not have to worry about my own future ever again. And because I wouldn’t have to worry about myself, there would be more room in my head and more time in my schedule and more energy in my entire body for being kind and generous without the attached anxiety of ‘but what if I suddenly have to live off my savings.’

The flipside is, if I became a millionaire through more realistic methods, the process of getting there by scrimping and saving every cent for decades and probably making a few ethically questionable investments, would make me even more stingy, cynical and miserly than I am already. I don’t think I could even enjoy my own wealth if I’d conditioned myself to obsess over money to that extent, much less want to give it away to make others happy. Get your own million, bah humbug!

There are many people who are doing it tough right now, so I can’t really complain about my own situation. But just… fuck what capitalism and money stress and burnout and the cost of living have done to me. Because I think it’s happening to all of us, on some level. It’s just harder to act on the inherently good parts of our nature, express our actual humanity, when uncertainty has left us in pre-emptive survival mode, like some scared little animal tucking supplies away for a winter that may never end.

[cheemy-creese-sauce]

unhinged vent post

idk if these are bad person thoughts or not so pls be nice to me if u see a bad person thought and politely let me know that it has bad person connotations without telling me i'm a villain pls thank you

anyways i know we all hate capitalism and voting w your dollar is the most important vote and you should never spend money on things that u like because somebody evil is using your money to be evil so u should only ever enjoy the things u like if they are free or can be stolen.

it's morally reprehensible to spend money on anything that wasn't a totally independent project and you still have to do a background check on all the indie creators u wanna buy from bc what if they're a bad person. i wanna make stuff and inspire others but if i make something through the help of a big business then everyone will steal my thing because the Big Business will make money, but if i make something independently (which is so taxing and soul crushing and draining) then i might see a cent of the thing i made but i had to do All the Work of Making, Advertising, Selling/Shipping, Presenting and i'm probably not getting fairly compensated for all the extra work bc no one will buy independently produced things if they cost the appropriate amount of money for an independently produced thing.

i have to be constantly aware of the Capitalism Rules and also the Anti-Capitalism Rules and they're both really fucking tiring and annoying and I just wanna be able to live.

why do we have to spend every single day grappling with the moral consequences of being alive. my being alive requires that i participate in harmful systems that perpetuate hate and poverty and death and oppression but it's a requirement that i patronize the walmart bc there are no small markets near me with the specific shit i need. it's a requirement that i buy fast fashion bc all the thrift stores near me increased their prices due to the latest "thrifty trends" so i can't afford anything else. it's a requirement that i have a stupid cell phone that actual literal children Died to make because if i don't have one of these, i can't have a job or regular contact with my loved ones.

anyways i'm sad that i have to engage in systems and behaviors that i know are bad. it makes me want to throw myself off the roof of the empire state building.

[vtori73]

Okay... I get how "how will trains work under anarchy?," is a question coming from a consumerist position...

But how the fuck is "how will insulin be made?" considered an equivalent the above? Like, sure, I don't doubt there are able-bodied people who use it as a "gotcha" BUT I think disabled people are genuinely asking because it's not like capitalism (what encourages & needs consumerism) has their backs so why would they believe anarchism will? A good chunk of them are honestly pretty aware of how shit capitalism and consumerism is considering they are one of those groups most affected by it. Accessible items, buildings, etc aren't prioritized because our consumerist society doesn't want to waste money on a group that supposedly "barely" exists in society. Hell, remember when able bodied people were complaining that accessibility laws were just put in place to punish store owners & whoever else and NOT to make it possible for disabled people, who exist, to be able to do LITERALLY anything outside their home. Also, the only way disabled can get cheap accessible items is if they are marketed towards consumers who are able-bodied because otherwise it won't get made or will but cost WAY too much because it is a "specialized" item and disabled people tend very much more often then not be poor because that what happens when you don't function like able-bodied people do in a capitalist society. Probably plenty of other things I could add on as well but just can't think of or don't know.

But anyway, yeah I think it might be just a tad disingenuous or just straight up ableist to make comparisons on transportation vs drugs that people need to live. I can get it that in a different form of society that trains wouldn't be a necessity maybe a want and a convenience but not a necessity due to people not having to work to gain money to be able live in our current one but... again, how does that AT ALL compare to a drug that some people will ALWAYS need, not want, but NEED to live? Honestly, the comparison even almost puts forth the idea/notion that capitalism & a consumerist society is the reason people need insulin to begin with & that they somehow magically won't if some other form of society is in place. Which... Idk, seems like ableist thinking but idk maybe I'm off the mark.

Anyway, that is all, I will admit I'm not the most knowledgeable person on these kinds of things, my understanding is much more basic than most so Ill admit I could be completely wrong and missing something but what I will say is I see ableism all the time from leftist spaces, everyone is willing to throw disabled people under the bus for any small criticisms or grievances they have and many who are "progressive" will scapegoat this as just the rights opinions and ideals or a step further and blame it all on how our current society functions (aka capitalism & such) but in actuality you don't need to be or believe in any of that to be an eugenic ableist you just need to hate disabled peoples existence, that's really all it takes.

Hmm... curious also as to why this type of question is about insulin? What about chemo, or seizure medication, or what about even glasses? Why is insulin the one that's getting singled out? ...curious, indeed.

[cryptometaphor]

So we were on the go'mmunist stream and of course imma defend Sarah even when we all know I'm a cynical liberal lol

Boomer: Capitalism made your iphone (ACP reeees)

Sarah: No... Labor made the iphone. Isms just determine who gets paid for it.

Boomer: You get paid to work unless you live in China

ACP admin: You don't know shit about China

Sarah: The labor theory of value even states plainly wage is theft. A fraction of the worth of the goods and services is paid for to us only bare minimum while the rest goes to thieves

Me: Based

Sarah: Hon not now lol

Me: I mean under communism iphones wouldn't even be a thing

Boomer: Exactly

Me: AND HERE'S WHY THAT'S A GOOD THING

ACP Admin: Oh boy lol

Boomer: Yeah yeah I've heard you talk before. You hate moderators and getting banned

Me: No bitch, you don't get it. Technology as you interact with it would be completely different. Sarah is arguing the labor theory of value, I'm arguing a different Marxist point: Material conditions. Conditions determine the culture, the setting, and future of technology. Tech is a big part of my tisms. The Soviets had their own set of home computers and mostly focused on stock trades, columns, and calculations. You wouldn't have video game and social media slop as the foundation of your tech.

Boomer: So what you're saying is communists hate fun. We're still agreeing.

Me: I'm saying that things would be totally different. Like I've theorized of an intronet North Korea plays around with and was experimented with in the 80s. Localized internet. That's how your Gameboys used to work. This wouldn't compromise billions of user data nor leave any reason to track them. Thus if you value privacy and free speech, that'd be the way to do it.

Sarah: Get him babe!

Me: Furthermore the cost would be pennies. I remember when internet was ten dollars a year because dialup was so slow to crank up but once I was online, a little drizzle outside didn't fuck it up, it didn't suddenly crash unless someone picked up the phone to call, it worked practically. Communism does advocate practical usage. Capitalism should do if it was founded on the basis of profit or convenience. But it's not. It's just humiliation, annoyance, and Jews.

ACP Admin: Was the Jew part necessary lol

Boomer: Well than get a different provider

Me: You dumb bitch you didn't listen to a word I said. Systemically it's this way. It's designed to be bad. It's designed with the intention in mind "we hate you, we want you to die, but not before you work your ass off." Thing is: I hate you, I want you to die, you're fucking stupid. And now you're gonna pay me crypto for being so stupid. I expect 200 XRP by the end of this stream.

Sarah: Don't you hate XRP?

Me: It went up like +720% do to some glitch

Sarah: Oh wow

Boomer: I ain't paying you shit

Me: Then get the fuck out of here boomer

Boomer: I thought you believe in free speech?

Me: You don't. So get the fuck out or pay me

Boomer: What does what I believe have or have not to do with...

Me: Don't care, you suck, your wife is a whore, go awau

Boomer: You can leave my wife out of this

Me: Your wife is ugly. Your kids are ugly too. Your dog is ugly and should be ran over. Pay me or gtfo

Boomer: YOU'RE A RUDE LITTLE TROLL

Me: gtfo

Boomer: You only talk this way because you're safely behind a monitor capitalism made

Me: Gtfo

Boomer: You wouldn't say this shit to my face

Me: Gtfo

Boomer: How'd you like it if I talked about your girlfriend that way? Sarah is ugly.

Me: I'd doxx you and people would be calling your house sexually harassing your gorilla wife. Gtfo.

Boomer: AND THAN I'D SUE YOU

Me: No you wouldn't. Gtfo

Sarah: lol!

Boomer: I... The fuck you mean no I wouldn't? Yes I would.

Me: No you wouldn't, you're dumb and don't know how, gtfo.

(boomer leaves)

Me: Fucking dumb ass

Sarah: Babe that was amazing

Me: You're amazing. Sarah: You are.

ACP Admin: Ya both are holding up half the sky lol