#fuckin get over it y'all
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I guess everything seems astronomical when you're so used to not seeing it at all
#and also. yk.#the popularity bias#a lot of media becomes popular BECAUSE of it's diversity#whether that be among queer or left leaning circles or allies alike#because yeah. diversity DOES get brownie points. especially when it's done WELL.#because it's easy to say that you're little alien habitat on Mars doesn't have black people because they'd like.. die. or whatever.#but it's a lot harder to acknowledge that bias without putting it directly out front#even if the conversation that started it was “usually i don't see a lot of people like my friend Nate in video games. Imma make him now.”#“he's gonna be so fuckin thrilled >:)”#because literally that's what a lot of creating media IS like.#I'm an artist. I make my friend's oc's with their features because 1. it's a lot more fun to do so 2. picrew has terrible selection on noses#and 3. my friends deserve to have art that looks like them. and i don't do it for brownie points or for them to even notice. i do it because#*I* like it. i do it for ME. because *I* like practicing different types of features and body types and *I* like giving my friends things#they can show off to other people and find pride in. because yeah. pride CAN come from something completely arbitrary from yourself.#fuckin get over it y'all#people should be allowed to celebrate things that make them feel seen#fuck you.
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this blog is no longer going to be a phan blog
if you are following me purely for dan and phil
unfollow or block please
#still watching dan and phil#still love them#but fuck am i tired of the fanbase#y'all are so fuckin rude#honestly fucked up that none of you could wait for them to announce this thing they've been busting their asses on#fun speculation is perfectly fine#but you all just have to know everything and continuously overstep boundaries#they give people a little bit of themselves and everyone gets greedy#generally the way people have been treating them over the past few months has been gross too#idk how dan and phil have put up with this kind of shit for as long as they have#i feel like im witnessing folie a plusiers#its draining#if you follow me for purely for dnp unfollow or block me#will be shifting into more nsfw/shitposting/political content#im honestly dumbfounded#dan and phil#amazingphil#daniel howell#phan#dnp#ill probably go see them on tour but idk#idk man
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honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao
#whosebaby talks#took an incident of just open petty cruelty the other day for me to finally go#you know what all of this is doing a huge number on my self-esteem and scrupulosity and social anxiety and mental health overall#sometimes it pays to hold out and give the benefit of the doubt#when your knee-jerk reaction is to think something Must Be a Sign of Shitty Intent; bc often it will turn out that wasn't the case at all#but unfortunately sometimes it turns out people are in fact just being shitty in exactly the way you thought they were#and at the *very* best you are incompatible in such a way that if they don't have bad intentions you're just never going to be able to tell#or well. not even necessarily bad *intentions*; just shitty behavior that's harmful to you regardless of whether they mean well#sometimes you just gotta accept that even if neither of you *is* being shitty it's not worth your peace of mind to never be able to confirm#and it's better to just save both of you the stress and not try to pursue that.#it fuckin sucks when it's people you think are cool and really want to get to know; it's a hard lesson to learn; but it's the way sometimes#......and then sometimes the confirmation you finally get is that yeah okay this is some bullshit#and not in a way that can likely be communicated past; no matter how much effort you make to be kind; clear; and mature#and being publicly humiliated for carefully trying to yes-and some clarification on meta of mine#which was being used in ways i was deeply uncomfortable with; and had had no warning would take the turn that it did#and which was contributing to the original post gaining traction in the first place#all targeted in ways pretty much tailor-made to hurt someone with specific issues they had seen me talk about + acknowledged#was just. yeah i think i'm done here lmao#i am Not someone who takes down meta once posted#so the fact that it was bad enough to make me delete an entire thread really says something lol#anyway. lots of other context there; and i appreciate that in some ways the person was genuinely trying to be kind; but i'm. yeah.#that shit Hurted Extremely; and made me realize that while i'm not the *most* well-socialized or articulate or approachable#there is just something in the water over there and no amount of The Problem Not Being Me would have mattered#and the nice asks/replies/comments i've gotten both recently and during hibernation make me feel warm inside; thank y'all <3#the salt files#bullying cw#ableism cw
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Y'know, the thing I'm starting to hate on you all for is slightly mischaracterizing Killbot 86 as a robot who would "miss his aim" or just a fucked up all because he was- y'know. HE WAS LITERALLY SABOTAGE?!?! BY THAT FUCK ASS EYEBALL BITCH WHO CANT DO HIS FUCKIN JOB???
KILLBOT 86 IS LITERALLY REFER TO AS "The best bounty hunter in the galaxy" ALONGSIDE RONGRUFFLE & POTTED PLANT!! JUST BECAUSE OF ONE MISHAP, ALL OF A SUDDEN, HIS TITLE GOES OUT THE WINDOW CAUSE OF COMMANDER PEEPER
I genuinely hate you all. Wander over yonder fans DO NOT INTERACT W ME I SWEAR TO GOD-
#chewys notes#woy#wander over yonder#just random ramblings#rant#killbot 86#Im sorry like#I may be going through mood swing#But jfc y'all piss me off#I hate this show#I never want to see it again#I hope it stay cancelled#Fuck#Saying this because i genuinely fucking love killbot 86 and it literally so fuckin painful how robbed he was#AND NO ONE FUCKIN CARE ABOUT IT#i guess i can understand#But genuinely speaking it hurt to see him get misuse and shafted like this#Woy fans do not interact with me please#Moots are okay#But i don't wanna see it in my tl anymore#Again it may be my mood swing speaking
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my brain malfunctions whenever vishkar is mentioned, even in the slightest —
#✯ — [ ʰᵒʳˢᵉˢ ᶤᶰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵃᶜᵏ ] ⨯ ooc#don't ask me what's going on over in india or with symm i don't fucking know.#lifeweaver ?? i am incapable of weaving ANY of this fuckin vishkar shit together.#i don't know what's happening.#who are they — what is their purpose.#are they the bad guys ?? couldn't tell you.#y'all could come to me about literally ANYTHING else in the ovw universe and i can ramble about it for hours...but VISHKAR ??#i need HELP.#or wait...no. i also don't really know what's going on with the shambali stuff —#as far as...like#character wise.#i get the gist of it. i just haven't done a whole lot of research on it in general.#but when people start talking vishkar..........shit's greek to me.#anyway. grandpa's finally back home. WHICH MEANS#i should be getting back to my regular schedule around here.#it's getting kinda late so.....probably not tonight — but i got y'all tomorrow.
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I'm getting to a point in writing where I want to write more about my ocs than about the canon characters but at the same time it feels like going to middle school art club and being like "this is trilly, they're nonbinary and homeless in the fantasy 1940s and they're traveling with their partner whose name is Starlight and she was an orphan saved by one background character from one book and they're traveling to find Trilly's uncle and cousin who went missing in the war and I think they're really cool so please care about them!"
#chit chat#obviously trilly is not a character for this fandom but i do often feel the same way about like. elmga. or neeli.#or bones lmao#everyone shut the fuck up about obi wan im gonna tell you about this miracle clone medic with lots of anxiety#ughhhh#writing about your ocs is cool and awesome and not embarrassing but alsoooo i was on ffnet in 2013#when having an oc that was even just a girl was prime mary sue flame bait#that didn't stop me from doing it but even after a decade im still waiting for people to be like 'stop talking about ur cringe ass ocs#and get back to the actual story'#ugh ugh ugh#it's so embarrassing to be a writer y'all#im out here every fuckin day baring my soul through the lens of fantasy just for fun#saying things like 'i wish that when i was in pain it mattered to others'#or 'the enormity of choices overwhelms me so i am going to write this story over and over again and maybe it will be different this time'#but it will not#they have beem dead since the beginning#but we sing it anyway#and i say this all mostly by putting obi wan in Situations but sometimes i wanna talk about my ocs too#what if there was an awesome doctor. and they cared about what was wrong with you.#isn't that a nice fantasy? it's one of my favorites.
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worked from home today. had a breakdown on the couch. went for two walks. played webkinz minigames for like an hour. broccoli cheddar quiche in the oven. been a real roller coaster around here
#can y'all help me manifest my period#i'm not pregnant or anything its judt five days late and i want to fuckin get it over witthhhhh#im gonna go take a bath and watch pll#chrissy.txt
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#wow ok so the new nurse practitioner im connected with is uh. The Worst Person#extremely discriminatory#doesnt give a fuck about her patients well being or health#wont do her job properly even when its fucking over said patients#is lazy as shit and tries to get out of doing any work whatsoever even just checking a fax#and has now screwed my healthcare over bc she's going on vacation for 2 weeks and DIDNT INFORM ME even tho i have tests scheduled#and am supposed to start meds that r extremely time sensitive#but now i just. Cannot access them bc she wont prescribe them before she leaves#so uh. ok. we're fuckin Done w this#gonna talk to my support worker tomorrow and explain and ask for a referral outside the program#which suuuucks bc that means said NP would have to do it and im sure she'll put up a fight but uh#ya no sweetie we r done w this#u hate disabled ppl and think my life and health is a joke#u have spent 3 weeks sabotaging any attempts i have made at getting adequate care and access to resources#genuinely and actually Fuck Off And Die#this is. truly infuriating i rly dont have words#like hooo boy if i had to quote some of the shit she's said and done y'all would be shocked#which is rly saying something considering the abysmal state of healthcare in most countries rn#aiyaiyai#Fuck This#i am. so so so done
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Hey uh
anyone here on Art Fight this year or-
Cuz I'm on there, same name and everything. I'm on Team Vampires.
You can like, add me or whatever...I mean, if you want...
I haven't interacted with anyone on here or even really drawn in a couple months, sweet pulsating spider-christ ...
#I KNOW I KNOW I CAN JUST. DO THE THING. BUT I ALSO CAN'T. YKNOW????#I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY MIND HAS BEEN I DON'T#I'M STILL STRUGGLING WITH HEALTH Y'ALL#and sometimes instead of bouncing back and forth from feeling stable enough to do things and absolute dog shit i just-#-'welp i guess I'll just not do anything! that'll solve all of my problems! I'll get better if i don't do things and just rest and space out#-'WOW I CAN JUST BE ISOLATED AND PATHETIC IN MY ROOM ALL DAY COOL'#like...I EVEN GOT MY PAIN MEDS BACK! AND I QUALIFIED FOR A HIGHER DOSE WHICH IS A MIRACLE BC THIS IS FLORIDA!!#but like. idk.#and it's not like i don't care at all!!! I've missed you guys like fuck!!!! i just feel like I'm so far behind and everyone is on another-#-plane of existence at this point! and the longer it goes the more guilty i feel coming back bc i feel ashamed and lazy...#but i know you guys don't give a shit about at all. and I'm sorry for assuming and being so hard on myself#but also my fandoms are all over the place rn so uh. I'm so sorry LOL#but seriously anyone on art fight?? i really need to get back drawing but it's daunting...#especially since my guess 2 or 3 years were kickass by the last 2 literally no one but my wife interacted with me#one friendly fire from my partner. in two fights. after putting HOURS OF EFFORT THRU CHRONIC PAIN AND ILLNESS into all of those pieces...#i know I didn't draw a fuckton but i just got so discouraged and sad after awhile. and some never even got any attackee comments.#it all felt so damn pointless#but I'm nothing if not a survivor#as Zapp Brannigan once said; 'the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised'#I'm a hot fuckin mess but even if i barely get any interaction at all again i can at least say i didn't give up-#and put in effort and love like always. no half-assing with art fight unless it's just me and my wife or a friend doin stupid friendly fires#BUT ANYWAY I STILL WANNA FUCK SLASHERS. IF ANYTHING THERE'S STILL THAT. IT'S STILL ME.
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nOT THE BOY I WENT NO CONTACT WITH 2 MONTHS AGO ACTUALLY MESSAGING ME ON REDDIT AT 2AM
My life is never boring istg
#tumblr what is my life#I need to tell y'all about this story it's a treat#Yes it's the dumb boy I still SOMEHOW have feelings for#Having an FP with BPD is a fuckin nightmare to get over#Should keep him in the chat requests with the other 900 ppl
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PSA: if you ever, ever feel the urge to make assumptions about the abuse history of a real ass person in a discussion about depictions of fictional abuse--in particular, any variation of the words 'you don't know/should learn what real abuse is'--
a) don't
b) you're a piece of shit
c) never ever ever fucking do that
d) step on legos for the rest of your life.
#whosebaby talks#the salt files#anti-survivor cw#people absolutely cannot fucking resist doing this ever#and the ones who go mask-off usually have some lovely things to say about how you should--in fact--*experience '''real''' abuse*#it happens over and over like clockwork every fucking time#this is a big reason i appreciate LL fandom these days so much because not one single person has done that#including when i'm talking on my own blog about characters they personally like#shoutout to y'all this is the only media-specific fandom i've ever been in that was like this#anyway hi i'm an abuse survivor and the next time someone says this shit to me i am posting screenshots with no names edited out#that's not something i'm in the habit of doing even about shitty takes that upset me deeply; but i am putting my foot down on this one#if you can't fucking behave about this basic bit of decency on the posts i make on--again--my own damn blog#and you don't want to get ripped into then block me and/or filter tags; and mind your own fuckin business#blog policy
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i might not be writing tonight but i sure have got myself thinking about how byan went from being a really outgoing kid, to an outgoing kid who started acting out for attention after being removed from the home they spent their first five years in, to an almost kind of shy kid when they found themself horrendously bullied, until their anger fully boiled over and they ultimately became aggressively, furiously, violently outgoing
#they went through a lot of phases as things just slowly got worse and worse for them#trying to... i guess to find what worked.#first what worked to get them what they wanted/needed#and then what worked to make things tolerable. it wouldnt get them what they wanted/needed but maybe it'd keep things from getting worse#until eventually it was just 'fuck this. I'll TAKE what I want/need and all y'all can fuckin deal with it'#with a healthy dose of protecting themself ofc bc no one else ever bothered#JUST..... things I've been thinking about a lot as I've been working on that timeline#crying over my own dumb character and their needlessly tragic background once again who could've seen it coming#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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maybe it's just cus i grew up with close family that were significantly older than me (older siblings who are 14+ years older than me, cousins triple my age, etc), but y'all really need to step back and realize that viewing any/all casual or friendly interactions between teens and adults as unsafe or predatory doesn't help anyone. it's one thing to have a preference for who you personally interact with (especially if you're 18+ and have an explicit blog/account/whatever), but acting like nobody should interact with anyone outside their age group both in person and offline is incredibly stupid.
#you end up with kids/teens that are paranoid that everyone over the age of 18 is out to get them#and adults with such a disconnect from youth that they end up acting like everyone UNDER the age of 18 is a problem#also. most teens can handle more than y'all think. seriously. an adult telling a slightly inappropriate joke to a 17 year old won't -#- fuckin traumatize them. sure teenagers aren't adults but we're not small children either. y'all infantilize us so fucking bad and it -#- helps exactly no one.#anyways. intergenerational friendships are GOOD and can absolutely be healthy. sure there needs to be responsibility taken to make sure -#- that things don't get outta line but that's with ANY friendship. having to be a little more careful doesn't mean that those friendships -#- should never exist or that their existence is inherently harmful.#i know this is very out of the blue but i keep seeing incredibly stupid takes on my dash
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((I'm heinously picky about who interacts with him to begin bc of the general content but also because I swear to God if you don't respect the work---and I mean years worth of work---I've put towards this character and detailing every little thing, everything that everyone else seems to be shallow af about or completely mis-characterizes Danny entirely, both deliberately and as a stupid overdone joke that wasn't even funny in the first place, I will fuckin fight you with my teeth and fists and then bar you from writing with him.))
#;;ooc: mun muttering#I'm extremely protective about this character for very good reason; don't even fuckin joke with me about it#I've mentioned this shit a lot over the years but every time I see it I get mad all over again#you want the best fuckin most worked on in depth Danny on this site? right goddamn here I'm so serious#the non jpn fa/ndom will never treat him right it's fucking annoying; this house is mine thank you very much!!!!!!!#there's a reason why I don't want to be made aware of any other muns for him; bc of this shit and for my own extensive efforts#extensive with a capital fuckin E#obviously my older mutuals know all this; y'all have seen what I've done over the years; so just tell me to calm down or distract me otl#this shit involving this muse (and Pap too) is one of the few (not to mention fastest) ways to make my legit mad#obviously this isn't about the people who *legitimately* write for him this is about the shit I've rallied against since day 1 and still am#the bullshit; the mischaracterization; the people who just make stupid jokes and who don't even try to understand him#etc etc etc I can go on but I'm going to attempt to redirect my aggression into content#and for those who know me personally know how fuckin rare (unheard of honestly) for me to say that my shit is good in any capacity#forget me uttering the words 'the best' either; Danny is unbelievably special to me and I know some of you understand where I'm coming from#muses like Danny for me are probably obvious but he gets a lot of excessive shit and I hate it and I will continue to fight and rally
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if there's one thing i hate more than slackers in group projects its goddamn hypocrites
#this guy did jack shit for two full weeks when we're building the damn prototype#but STILL brought up the fact that most of our team blew off a report till the last minute in the beginning of march#*prototypes don't work* “sEe tHis iS wHy wE nEedEd tO hAvE a cOnvErsaTioN aBouT MS3”#like hon you lost the rights to the “y'all need to contribute more” argument the moment you left me hanging for 2-3 FUCKING WEEKS#like excuuuuuse me you been prioritizing extra curriculars all week get off your high horse stop lecturing everyone else about contribution#he made maybe 3 contributions? maybe?#first he 3D modeled an adapter and sent it to someone else to print (couldn't even do THAT himself smh)#then he sent the gc a sketch of an idea i roughly proposed literally the NIGHT BEFORE as his own contribution (that I ENDED UP BUILDING#then he...screwed on a few pipe fittings and called it a project :)#would be a LOT less pissed if he didn't show up to One Thing outside weekly team meetings/class#then apologize for slacking off BUT then launch into a FUCKING SPEECH ABOUT HOW HIM BEING HERE PROVES HIS COMMITTMENT#all because he DOESN'T LIKE GETTING UP EARLY. like sir. sir i am rIGHT FUCKING HERE. i was up till 4-5am working on this stfu#we've been building for three weeks and he's come into work on stuff wo me there ONCE for an HOUR#for context id spent about fifteen hours in the shop alone working on the fucking thing that WEEK#like im trying to be understanding ik tech week is hell#but i took “stepping back” as “i only have a few hours here and there to be in the shop and will do the writeups”#NOT “won't show up outside meetings AND we're splitting slides and writeups 80/20”#like id been in the lab all fuckin day and notice we have an assignment due (missed a SINGLE meeting due to exam)#and i ask him if theres anything i can do (and im thinking like look it over maybe add a spec or two)#and this fucker has the AUDACITY to ask me to write the full four paragraph summary cause he#*checks notes* copy-pasted some specs from milestone 3 so of COURSE its only fair that despite the fact I've been in the lab ALL DAY#that i write the four fuckin paragraphs too#course we're troubleshooting and he's like “did you clean the pump? did you disassemble it and rinse it?” like yes???#i did EVERYTHING i could think of before i even bothered texting you cause i know you're fucking useless#and then he raises fifteen different concerns which while valid would have been NICE TO HEAR WHEN I SENT YOU MY INITIAL DESIGNS#y'know BEFORE i spent over fifteen hours of my free time building this damn thing#with slackers i just pick up the work and move on with my life this idiot is trying to gaslight me into thinking that he contributed fairly#when i heard “i need to step back due to play stuff” i thought we'd be splitting it like 65:35 NOT FUCKING 95:5#and now hes probably going to give ME a poor peer review because I've been passive aggressive with him in the few meetings he showed up to#like i got shit going on too? how the fuck does he expect me to respond to being abandoned to do this shit myself
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ok i'm. done. with the toxic old man yaoi reblogs
(me when i lie)
[no but fr]
#my phone is almost fuckin dead#i am normal i'm normal i'm normal and mentally stable i am#🫠🫠#so sorry to anyone who regularly gets my RBs on my dash bc i doubt many of y'all give a shit abt naruto but-#actually no i'm not sorry this is my house. my rules. my cringe#u don't understand i've been periodically relapsing over Them for YEARS but the fandom was always SO FUCKIN DRY#idk what happened since i last checked in but i have been FED#glad to see ppl are finally on my level smh smh#lexi stfu challenge#on their dash*#look it's like 3.30 AM and i've been experiencing unmitigated glee for a good few hours now my brain is basically slop
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