#fuckin cheetos man!!

[generallyjl]

this is the human experience

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

most nights kinda suck. but sometimes youre relaxing in a nice motel and one of the tv channels is playing 9-1-1 episodes <3 and everything feels like it'll be okay for a few hours <3

[thebuttsmcgee]

may .... has once again made me it's enemy

[cevansbrat0007]

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMr8fYuj5/

I can see so clear Bird putting Ari in the dog house again and later in the day he arrives at her home with a bag full of her favorites snacks, heat pads, painkillers and a note for his sweet wild woman

Summary: Somehow, Ari always seems to know all the right ways to take care of you...

Warnings: Mature Themes, Fluff, Ari Being A Menace, Bickering, Brat!Reader, References to Menstrual Cycles & PMS, Cuddles, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: Part of my Sweet Renegade Series. Semi-proofread, not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!

You automatically perk up from your place on the couch when you hear the slam of your front door. Ari had left the house hours ago, muttering something under his breath that you hadn’t quite been able to make out. 

“Beast?” You call when he doesn’t immediately appear. “Whatcha doin’?” 

“Is that my Bird in there?” He quickly fires back. “Is that who I’m talkin’ to?”

His unexpected dramatics immediately set your teeth on edge. Just what the hell did he mean by all that?

“Who the hell else would it be?” Your question comes out sounding more like a growl. 

Instead of answering you’re treated to the sound of footsteps as Ari finally makes his way to you. But instead of coming all the way into the room, you’re confused when he chooses to poke his head around the corner. 

“Just checking.” His wary blue eyes are sparkling with a hint of mirth. 

“Are you trying to be funny?”

“Nah, baby. Just bein’ careful.” Ari steps out hiding then, his brawny arms laden with several brown grocery bags.

“Why the hell would you have to be careful?”

“Because when I walked out the house earlier I did so under the impression that my woman had been replaced by one of those she-demons you only read about in books.” He offers you an unrepentant shrug before setting his purchases on the opposite sofa. “Aww, c’mon now. Don’t make that face."

“I’m not makin’ any kinda face, you Beast.” You huff, doing your damndest not to pout. “I just don’t know what the hell you’re goin’ on about.”

“Then how come you’re over there looking like you’ve been suckin’ on a lemon?” The handsome bastard has the nerve to smile at you as begins digging items out of one of the bags. 

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not, you –” Your petty retort is interrupted when your bounty hunter suddenly chucks an orange bag at your head. Thankfully, you manage to catch it before it makes contact with your face. “Jalapeño cheetos?”

“Yep.” He grunts, giving you a knowing look. “I also got you the regular ones too in case you decide those are suddenly too spicy for you.”

“Oh.” Is all you can muster, turning the bag over in your hands. These were your favorites whenever you allowed yourself to indulge. “Thanks.” 

“Yeah. Not done yet, baby.” 

You watch as he systematically begins pulling items out of the bags. He also makes a point of showing you each one, much to your overall chagrin. 

“Let’s see…” Ari moves the bags to the floor, which allows you to get a good, long look at all of the treats and treasures he procured while he was out. “We’ve got us another bag of Cheetos, plus a bag of white cheddar cheese popcorn. Next up, we’ve got two hefty slices of strawberry cheesecake. I got my own, so you don’t have to share,”

Smart man.

“I mean…” You quietly hedge, your teeth going to nibble at your bottom lip. “I don’t know why you felt compelled to buy all this stuff.” 

“Oh you don’t, huh?” His eyes go wide as he cocks his head to the side.

“Nope.” The word tumbles out of your mouth with a soft pop.

Instead of responding he chooses to simply ignore you. “Here we have a variety of chocolate bars – milk chocolate, milk chocolate with fuckin’ caramel, milk chocolate with some kinda weird nougaty shit, you get the idea.” He spares a glance in your direction long enough to study your face. “We’ve also got dark chocolate with both sea salt and some kind of intense orange peel somethin’. Do any of these work for you?”

“Why, yes, all of them but–”

“Moving on, I’ve got a box of cocoa, peppermint tea, and oh! Nearly forgot the fuckin’ heating pad.” Ari holds up the box so that you can see it. “If this isn’t the right one I will go back out and buy another.” 

The seriousness of his features makes it plain that he’s not kidding. He gingerly hands the box to you, giving you a moment to peruse the information included on the box.

How the hell could he have known that yours had only just gone out? Oh. Because you’d mentioned it the night before last. It always seemed to surprise you just how much this man seemed to listen to you. 

“This is...this is good.” You tell him, hugging the box to your chest. “It’s great, actually.”

“Thank Christ.” He breathes, relief evident in his tone. 

“Ari, did you do all this because I was feeling a little snippy this morning?” While his intentions were sweet, they also felt like a little over the top 

“Snippy? Is that what we’re calling it?” His tawny brows shoot up high enough to reach his hairline. “Because this morning you threatened to beat me with a sack of oranges for snoring too loud.”

Oh. Right. Oops.

“And when I made the mistake of walking on the carpet in my work boots, you literally threatened to unman me.”

“I was worried about the mud.” You mumble with a wince. 

“And the fact that you just so happened to be aggressively chopping vegetables at the time? Pure coincidence?”

“Yep.” Your voice comes out so small you almost surprise yourself.

“And then, when I tried to apologize and take ‘em off, you told me you were gonna throw me and them into the nearest lake. And then fly in a pack of gators to make sure that we were never seen or heard from again.” 

“A joke.” You try once more. “That’s all.”

“Yeah well, I’m not the type of man to make jokes about a woman’s monthly bein’ on the horizon.” Ari picks up a small box of what looks to be medication. “But even so, I also know how to count.” He adds with a shrug before taking a step towards you. “My sisters swear up and down that this Midol shit works wonders with demon feelings.”

“Thank you.” Your bottom lip begins to tremble when your man reaches out to gently cup your chin.

“Do you need anything else?”

“No.” You reassure him, your hand going to gently grip his wrist so you can stroke your thumb over his pulse “I’m sorry.”

Ari stares you at you for a beat, before finally leaning down to tenderly brush his mouth over yours. “S’alright, sweet Bird.” He repeats the action, smiling into the kiss when he feels you relax against him. “I reckon it ain’t all your fault.” 

“You’re too good to me, baby.” You try to pull him down on the couch with you, only to pout when he resists.  “C’mere…” You whine. “I wanna make it up to you.”

“Let me go put this stuff away first.” He rises to his full height before politely taking the box from your hands. “Unless you want some of it now.”

You take a minute to think. “Just some chocolate please.”

“Any preference?”

“Dealer’s choice.” 

Ari tosses you a random bar, which you eagerly accept without so much as a second look. You tear into it, barely removing the foil before taking a bite. It goes down so good you can’t help but have another.

“Now, I won’t be gone but a minute.” Just in case, he decides to leave you with the box of Midol as well. 

Meanwhile, you decide that it’s in your best interest to remain quiet. Because unbeknownst to this man, you had actually gotten your period today sometime after he’d left the house.

“And if those demon feelings start to come back, you just pop a couple of those, alright?” He’s still so incredibly serious about this that all you can do is nod.. 

“Yes, Sir.”

“Thank you.” You’re rewarded with a flash of teeth posing as a grin. “And when I get back, do you, uh…” He rolls his broad shoulders. “You think you got any room for me on that couch?”

Instead of responding, you choose to offer him a bite of your chocolate. You’re secretly more than a little giddy when he accepts. It was a sign that all was forgiven. 

“Why don’t you hurry back and find out?”

Still grinning, you watch as Ari hastily gathers up all of your goodies before taking off in the direction of the kitchen. “Go on and turn on one of those horror movies you like, little Bird. I’m gonna need you to snuggle close to make up for how you treated me today.” 

With that he’s gone, leaving you with just enough time to retrieve extra blankets and pillows from a nearby closet. Forget a heating pad. Having you man this close was practically like having a human furnace at your beck and call. 

Jesus Christ, how did you get so lucky?

“Beast?” You let your voice ring out as soon as you’ve found yourself a good movie. It’s been ages since you’ve watched Paranormal Activity, and you had it on good authority that Ari had never seen it.

“Yeah?” He bellows from the next room.

“Bring us a slice of cheesecake to share. I wanna enjoy it with you before we get too scared.”

“Whatever you want, Duchess.” You don’t have to see his face to know that he's laughing at you in the sweetest way possible.

And quite honestly, in this moment, you wouldn't have it any other way. 

END

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[ratbastarddotfuck]

maybe this is just a me problem but if you're calling Trump "the orange cheeto man" in 2024 I really can not take your politics seriously. this is a violent, powerful fascist looking to become a dictator, not some fuckin YA TV villain of the week. you literally just look silly.

[autisticlancemcclain]

Keith doesn’t leave his apartment a lot.

Despite all of Shiro’s urging, Keith tends to stay home. His apartment is really nice, once he gets over the occasional mouse and entirely broken heating. Plus, the water is mostly potable, so it’s all good.

Look. It’s $500 a month.

But, y’know. Every once in a while Keith actually can’t study over the sounds of his neighbours having extremely loud and largely disturbing sex — why on Earth would cheetos ever be mentioned in regards to anyone’s hole is something Keith wish remained a mystery to him — so he makes his way down to the campus library. It’s admittedly kind of nice down there. He’s currently sitting at a table that’s decently clean, and the wifi connection is certainly better than it is at home. He’s actually able to get some stuff done —

“Motherfucker!”

Keith jumps out of his skin as the hottie a couple seats in front of him slams his hands on the table. Hottie whips his head up, catching Keith’s eye. His hair is wildly curly, sticking up off his head so intensely that it almost defies gravity. His eyes are big and brown and a little crazed. His expression can only be described as ‘intense’, or perhaps ‘unstable’.

“You,” he snarls.

Keith points at himself with wide eyes.

“Have you ever heard of a mountain chicken,” Hottie says, still staring at Keith with the same crazed intensity.

“Please don’t hurt me,” Keith squeaks. Hottie may be one of the most attractive people he has ever seen, but Keith has learned his lesson about pretty people. They tend to be the most dangerous and likely to maim (looking at you, Allura).

Hottie stalks towards Keith’s table, deliberately placing his hands on the surface and leaning very, very close.

“Have you ever heard,” he says again, voice very low, “of a mountain chicken.”

“No,” Keith says, because he hasn’t and he’s a little (a lot) intimidated.

And attracted.

There’s admittedly a lot of attraction there.

Suddenly the crazed air shifts from Hottie’s face, but the intensity remains.

“Whaddaya think it looks like?”

He sounds almost curious. Almost.

Keith blinks. “Like a really big chicken?”

The crazed looks is back as soon as it left.

“That’s what I thought, but it’s this mother fucker!” Hottie yells, reaching over to grab his laptop and slam it in front of Keith. It’s open to a picture of a strange little frog.

Keith squints at the picture.

“…Huh,” he says, because that is strange, and he can kind of understand why Hottie is going a little nutty about it.

“Exactly,” Hottie says emphatically. “Fuckin’ taxonomists.”

Keith raises an amused eyebrow. “You sound like you have beef with taxonomists. I’ve never known anyone who has a personally problem with them before.”

“Okay, listen,” Hottie says, pulling out a chair and sitting down properly. “They’re really bad at their jobs. All of ‘em. Why are watermelons berries? No. That’s bullshit. And you know who’s fault it is? Taxonomists.”

Keith bursts out laughing. “I see,” he manages between wheezes.

Hottie sniffs. “I’m allowing your laughter because you’re stupid hot.”

“Are you.”

“Mhm. Also, because I couldn’t stop you if I wanted to. I’m about three seconds away from passing out.”

Hottie says it pleasantly, but not in the way that sounds like he’s joking, which sobers Keith up quickly.

“Wait, what —”

The words don’t even leave his mouth before Hottie’s eyes roll back into his head and his forehead smacks the table.

———

“Thank you, again,” the man says.

Keith shoots him a small smile. “It’s really not a problem.”

The man — who Keith has learnt is named Hunk, and is the best friend of the aforementioned Hottie, who’s name is apparently Lance — sighs. “It kind of is. He’s — I would like to say that this is not a regular occurrence. But he’s fuckin’ allergic to a proper sleep schedule. And peanuts. But the sleeping thing is a bigger issue. He’s given himself four concussions because he’s passed out mid-sentence and brained himself on a random surface hard enough to make an impact on his thick fucking skull.”

Hunk is clearly exasperated, and annoyed, but his words are so fond that Keith can’t help the smile that pulls across his face. He sounds just like Shiro, after Keith has managed to land himself squarely into one of his many Shenanigans. Loving and also five seconds away from throttling you.

It’s nice.

“You his brother?”

Hunk snorts, readjusting Lance’s floppy arm over his shoulder. Keith does the same, hefting him up — he’s surprisingly heavy for someone who’s about as thick as a toothbrush, but what does Keith know — and keeping on in the direction of the off-campus apartments. (The decently nice ones, that you can only afford with at least two roommates and a part-time job. Keith knows. He checked.)

“Nah, not really. I mean, I’m basically his brother in that he’s the annoyance who’s been latched on to my person for the last several years and who I love too much to murder, but you know. He has enough siblings without me thrown into the mix. Why do you ask?”

“Just curious,” Keith says. “You remind me of me and my brother, is all. He’s also the one who’s usually dragging my dumb ass to safety.”

Laughing, Hunk digs his key out of his pocket, opening up the door.

“I see.”

He struggles for a moment, trying to both keep Lance from falling — who is firmly unconscious, although Hunk has assured him that he’s not injured and it’s just been six days since he last slept and he’s just kind of Like This — and get the door open.

Keith isn’t sure how to help, so he just kind of stands there awkwardly, still holding half of Lance’s weight.

“Thank you,” Hunk says, once Lance has been transferred to his arms and he’s standing just inside the doors to their apartment complex. “I appreciate your help.”

“No problem.”

Keith forces himself to take a step back, shoving the random wistfulness deep down in his gut.

He’s not lonely. He’s not.

(He does kind of miss his brother, though. Ugh.)

“I’ll see you around, Keith.”

“Yeah. You, too.”

Keith stands there for a full ten seconds after Hunk turns around and heads down the hallway, and then he shakes himself, blushing, before speedwalking back to his own shitty apartment.

God, he needs a fucking hobby.

———

“What do you mean, I can’t get eight shots of espresso? It’s not like it’ll kill me. You need 76 shots to kill you. I checked.”

“Sir…it’s company policy. I’m not allowed to put more than eight shots in one cup. Sorry.”

“No, no, don’t apologise. It’s not your fault. Hm.” The man — who is he kidding, Keith recognised Lance as soon as he saw that poofy hair in the Starbucks line, as embarrassing as it is — rocks back on his heels, tapping a finger to his chin. “Can I order two drinks, with eight shots each?”

Jesus Christ.

The barista blinks at him. “I mean, I guess so. I think you’re going to die, but that’s not my problem, I guess.”

Lance laughs, and the sound is so bright and musical that it actually makes Keith sigh.

Like, out loud.

Jesus fucking Christ.

“That works! Let’s do that.”

“…If you’re sure. That’ll be $7.29.”

Lance pays, then heads over to the other end of the counter, humming as he waits. As soon as his eyes land on Keith, they narrow.

“Hey, wait a minute. I know you. Obviously. I would never forget a face so flawlessly beautiful. Why do I know you?”

Keith goes so red he can actually feel his heart pounding through the capillaries under his skin, which is humiliating.

“Um.”

Lance giggles, which makes the blush worse.

Oh, God, Keith is losing any and all game he possesses by the minute. Fuck, isn’t he usually good at this? He usually is! He’s usually a pretty decent flirt! What the fuck!

“Oh!” Lance says, snapping his fingers. “You’re the hot guy from the library! The one who called Hunk when I passed out! Keith, right?”

Keith can only nod. Holy shit, the force of those brown doe eyes at full intensity on his face is going to fry his brain.

He clears his throat. “Uh, yeah. I’m Keith. You — obviously, you knew that.” Keith resists the urge to slam his head through the nearest wall.

Lance giggles again. Keith wonders if the fuckin’ sweat is actually dripping from his palms, or it just feels like it is.

Gross.

“You’re cute. You should take me on a date. I have class until five, room A112 in the biology building. Pick me up, and we’ll go to dinner?”

Keith can only nod. Frantically. So quickly his hair escapes from his ponytail and smacks him in the face.

“Great,” Lance says, grinning. He grabs Keith hand — Keith offers absolutely no resistance and only prays that his palms aren’t actually as disgusting as he thinks they are — and takes out a pen, scrawling down a number and then drawing a big heart around it.

Lord above, Lance is the cutest boy Keith has ever seen in his entire life. He’s going to explode.

“That’s my number,” Lance says, and he’s still holding onto Keith’s forearm.

His fingers are freezing, and that’s the only rational thought Keith’s brain manages to form.

“2 coffees with more caffeine than I’ve ever seen one person consume?” the barista calls. She looks at them warily.

“Coming!” Lance chirps, and Keith mourns the loss of those cold fingers on his skin as Lance steps over to grab his coffee.

(Well. ‘Coffee’.)

Lance skips to the doors, pausing to smile and wiggle his fingers in a wave. “I’ll see you after class, okay, Keith?”

“See you,” Keith says, and his voice cracks so many times that the barista winces on his behalf.

Lance grins wider, then disappears out the door.

“That was the most romcom shit I’ve ever seen,” the barista informs him bluntly, and Keith can only nod.

———

Keith is buzzing out of his skin, he thinks.

So he does what he always does when he’s feeling Big Boy Feelings™️.

He bothers his brother.

to: takashit

shiro oh my god it’s almost five his class is almost done what do i do.

to: takashit

what if he was joking? it didn’t seem like a joke. but what if?

to: takashit

fuck, what if i screw it up? what if i’m a lame loser who says lame loser things? oh my god i’m so nervous

to: takashit

OH MY GOD SHIRO WHAT IF I YARF

to: keith kardashian

KEITH MOTHERFUCKING YORAK KOGANE. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I AM BUSY.

to: takashit

🥺🥺🥺 worst brother ever

to: takashit

🥺🥺 you don’t love me. you don’t care about me or my anxiety 💔

Keith can actually hear his brother’s guilt complex acting up through the phone.

It’s hilarious.

to: keith kardashian

the worst part about that is i know you’re manipulating me.

to: takashit

😔 😔

to: takashit

⬆️ my face rn as i realise my brother whom i look up to and adore wishes he left me on the street corner where i was standing 😔😔😔

to: keith kardashian

i should have, you little motherfucker.

There’s a solid minute of angry typing before Shiro continues.

to: keith kardashian

fuck you. call me.

Keith does. Shiro picks up immediately.

“You are a rat bastard,” he growls.

Keith pretends to sniffle, fully fighting back a laugh.

“I just thought you promised to always be there for me,” he says, as pitifully as he can manage.

Shiro makes a vague screaming noise.

“Fuck! Fine. Fuck. Tell me why you’re nervous.”

“It’s a cute boy with a lot of confidence and social grace, Shiro! Fucking obviously I’m nervous!”

“Didn’t y’all meet because he yelled at you about taxonomists and then brained himself on a library table when he passed out from sleep deprivation?”

“…Yeah.”

“That doesn’t sound very socially graceful to me.”

“Okay, fair, but he asked me out this morning like it was the smoothest thing ever. I blushed so hard I thought my heart was going to explode. I swear to God my voice cracked at least twelve times.”

Shiro sniggers. “It does that all the time, so no big thing there.”

“Fuck off,” Keith says, scowling, because hey. Being the shithead is Keith’s job.

“Anyway, you big nerd,” Shiro continues, “you’re going to be fine. In five minutes this ridiculously confident cute boy is going to waltz out of class and then you two are going to go on what’s probably the cringiest date of all time, but he will be charmed by your earnest nature and geek tendencies, and then you’ll get married and adopt every dog in the world. Okay?”

Honestly, yeah. Okay. That did make him feel better.

But Keith is the younger brother, and as such is contractually obligated to be a pain in the ass, so.

“Yeah, yeah. At least I didn’t trip and, in a desperate attempt to not land face-first on the pavement, pants my future husband.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Shiro says venomously, as is par for the course when Keith brings up his and Adam’s disastrous first meeting.

Keith smirks to himself.

“My bad.”

“Ugh. You’re so annoying. Do you feel better now, you stupid dweeb?”

Keith started feeling better the second he started pestering Shiro, but he supposes he can be grateful for a change.

“Yeah. I guess your dorky pep talk helped. I can’t do any worse than you did, anyway.”

“I’m hanging up and blocking your number. Goodbye.”

Keith snickers as the call drops. It’s 4:59, and Lance still has another minute of class.

to: takashit

you didn’t say u love me :(((

to: takashit

u just hung up without any care in the world :((

to: takashit

i’m telling adam he’s my new favourite brother now

to: takashit

adam would never hang up without saying i love you

to: keith kardashian

oh my GOD

to: takashit

:(((((((((

to: keith kardashian

fine. fuck.

to: keith kardashian

i love you, you booger. tell me how your stupid date goes.

to: takashit

:D

Keith puts his phone away, grinning, and the second he does, the door to room A112 pushes open and students start spilling out. He waits, scanning everyone as they pass, but there’s no sign of Lance until the very last person walks out.

He beams when he sees Keith leaning on the wall.

“Keith! Hi!”

Keith grins back.

“Hi, Lance.”

“Ready to go on a date?” Lance says, strolling up and tangling his free hand in Keith’s, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

It might be.

“Yeah. I’m excited, really.”

“Awesome! Did you pick a place?”

Keith was a little stressed about that, to be real, because he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to pick somewhere or if Lance already had something picked.

The he remembered he had Hunk’s number “in case my dumbass best friend passed out in your vicinity again, because neither of us can afford an ambulance in this economy”, so he texted him in what could not be technically called a panic.

Maybe a light anxiety.

Hunk had sent back several laughing emojis, and then told him to take Lance for an ice cream dinner and then to the park on campus for him to get very excited about beetles.

“I figured I’d take you to Coran’s ice cream parlour,” Keith says. “You seem like an ice cream guy.”

Lance lights up, and then narrows his eyes in playful suspicion. “You asked Hunk, huh?”

Keith shrugs, cheeks warming. “I’ll be honest with you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the library incident, and you’re so pretty you kind of make my brain go mushy. I panicked.”

Shockingly, that makes Lance’s jaw drop. He’s quiet for several moments, before his ears go read and he looks away.

Holy shit. Did Keith make Lance all blushy?

“Point to Keith,” Lance says eventually.

Keith laughs, scratching the back of his neck with one hand. The other is still firmly clamped in Lance’s. “Didn’t know it was a competition.”

Lance winks. “Everything’s a competition with me.”

———

Ice cream is fun. Keith shouldn’t be eating it, not really, and there will be Consequences with his digestive system later, but he’s not afraid of hell and mint chip is delicious.

“You are eating frozen toothpaste.”

“I can only assume that you’ve never tried mint chip or you’ve never brushed your teeth, Lance, because mint chip does not taste like toothpaste. It’s delicious. Besides, you are having cotton candy. That’s essentially frozen blue food colouring! Besides, what flavour is cotton candy even supposed to be? Like, what does cotton candy taste like?”

Turns out that Keith had no reason to be nervous. He and Lance just… click. And, besides, Lance thinks Keith is funny when he’s not trying, which is excellent.

They go to the park, just as Hunk suggested, after they finish their ice cream. They spend the whole time just chatting, talking about nothing and everything, interspersed with Lance’s regular mini-lectures whenever he spots something particularly cool. Which is a lot of things, because Lance seems to be endlessly fascinated with the world at large.

It’s adorable. And also enlightening. Did you know one tree can be home to over 2.3 million life forms at one time? Keith didn’t. That’s dope as hell.

“…and oh, hey, an incipient hornet nest! Cool! Did you know wasp larvae can spin silk?”

Keith did not know that. He is also not fond of wasps, nor has he ever felt any sort of inclination to be near them. But he is becoming increasingly fond of Lance. Also, Lance seems to be some sort of animal whisperer. They’d been swarmed by yellowjackets outside of the ice cream parlour, but before Keith could even panic Lance had stood very still and said “no” in a firm, calm voice, and they all flew away immediately.

It did make Lance hotter, truly.

“I did not,” Keith says magnanimously, peering over Lance’s shoulder to look at the nest. Luckily, it’s empty. “That is pretty cool, though.”

Lance turns back to him and grins; a big, beaming smile that makes him glow.

God, he’s beautiful.

Keith can’t stop staring at him.

“You should kiss me,” Lance says bluntly, after a moment of them just softly looking at each other.

Keith blinks. “Okay.”

He lets go of Lance’s hand, reaching over to cup his face. He stays there for a moment, gently cradling Lance’s face in his arms, stroking his thumbs over sharp cheekbones, cataloguing the splash of freckles on his nose and the curve of his cupid’s bow.

Lance reaches up, after a few seconds, sliding careful fingers across the skin of Keith’s neck to tangle in his hair. He doesn’t pull, just — holds it, carefully.

“You going to kiss me now?”

Keith swallows. “I’m nervous. I don’t want to mess it up.”

Lance’s eyes flutter shut, and he sighs. “You don’t need to be. I want — I really want you to kiss me. I like you.”

“I like you too.”

“Okay.”

And that’s all it takes. The ‘okay’, breathy and quick and soft and maybe a little nervous, too, like for all his straightforward brazenness Lance is a little scared of messing this up as well.

He leans forward, faster than he thought he would, and presses his lips to Lance’s. The air is warm but Lance’s lips are still chilly from the ice cream, and his cheeks are hot beneath Keith’s hands, blushing. His lips curve into a smile that’s pressed firmly to Keith’s mirroring grin and he sighs again, a little, a happy sound, and tilts his head so their mouths fit together even better. And then his fingers are tracing little circles at the back of Keith’s neck and he makes a little humming noise on the back of his throat and Keith leans the tiniest little bit closer.

It’s good. It’s great.

It’s everything, really, and Keith doesn’t want it to end.

“You’re a good kisser,” Lance mumbles, not moving away even an inch.

“I like kissing you,” Keith says, pressing just as close.

Keith doesn’t remember why he was nervous.

———

to: keith kardashian

how did it go????

to: takashit

i beat your mess by a mile

to: keith kardashian

low bar, boogerbrain. also, shut up.

to: takashit

no :)

to: takashit

but it went REALLY well. we went for ice cream and then walked around the park for hours and then we kissed and he is so fucking cute, shiro. oh my god. seriously.

to: keith kardashian

good, kiddo. really. are y’all gonna go out again?

to: takashit

yeah

to: takashit

tomorrow night actually

to: keith kardashian

that’s awesome! i have a really good feeling about you guys.

to: takashit

…

to: takashit

me too :)

[theformerbastard]

who is/are your comfort character(s)? My love for Jane Lane is pretty well documented.

lighter or matches? When I was a smoker I was obsessed with lighters but matches smell so goddamn good.

do you leave the window open at night? I hate windows so much.

which cryptyd being do you believe in? Bigfoot. I deadass keep my eyes peeled when I drive thru super wooded areas. I think most of the other ones are just people seein' barn owls but Bigfoot is out there, man.

what color are your eyes? Blue

why did you do that? Wanted to

hair-ties or scrunchies? When I had hair I was all about hair-ties

how many water bottles are in your room right now? Got a 2 liter of diet pepsi in the mini fridge

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee? None coffee

would you slaughter the rich? I mean...no? I know what this is actually askin', I just don't like the wording

favorite extracurricular activity? Drinkin'

what kind of day is it? It's chewsdy innit (it's Thursday but that was the first thing that came to mind)

when was the last time you ate? Like...minutes ago

do you love the smell of earth after it rains? I've never understood people that say "smells like rain"

are you a parent? (all answers qualify) nope

can you drive? yep

are you farsighted or nearsighted? near

what hair products do you use? water

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails? I can paint my own but I think I'd be shit at paintin' someone elses

do you say soda or pop? Soda. People that say pop are lunatics.

something you’ve kept since childhood? anxiety

what type of person are you? anxious

how do you feel about chilly weather? BIG fan

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing? Playin' roller hockey (where my Kevin Smith fans at?)

perfume/body spray or lotion? On me? Nothin'

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times? Every awkward encouter I've had since I was like 7

about how many hours of sleep did you get? depends

do you wear a mask? *Jim Carrey doin' Ben Stein* we all wear masks...metaphorically speaking

how do you like your shower water? In the shower

is there dishes in your room? Nope

what type of music keeps you grounded? Country

do you have a favorite towel? Used to. It was light purple. Fuck. Such a good fuckin' towel.

the last adventure you’ve been on? *in my best Jeff Bridges voice* ya know...uhhh we're like in it, man.

is there a song you know every word to by heart? Yes

what’s your timezone? Depends

how many times have you changed your url? A few

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years? Brooke

a soap bar that smells good? Irish spring

do you use lip balm? Nope

did you have any snacks today? Bag of cheetos for lunch #healthnut

how do you take your coffee? I don't

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site? Instagram

what’s your take on spicy foods? I'm a bitch

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it? That's dark and I don't like that my brain is actually comin' up with names

can you remember what happened yesterday? I'd have to think really hard

favorite holiday film? While You Were Sleeping. It counts.

what was the last message you sent? "ALLLLLLL?!?!!" When @didee-anne told me she wanted me to answer all of these

when did you first try an alcohol beverage? I'm not good with ages but a "friend" gave me a shot of wild turkey and a shot of bacardi 151 in high school. I'd tried my dads beer before that but the shots feel more...significant.

can you skip rocks? It's been years but yeah

can i tag you in random stuff? Why not

[translephony]

i have gone to my fridge excited to eat my left overs from the night before only to find the fridge completely emptied out everyday this past week and the only thing these people do is buy giant bags of rancid cheetos man fuck yall i just wanna eat without fuckin cooking some shit up for once

[woahjo]

hot cheetos are one of those things where if the bag isnt open im like "meh could go without it" but if the bag is open it's like "man i gotta eat this whole fuckin thing i love u red 40"

[spiderh0rse]

freeman's mind notes pt8, e36-40 (plus secret e0)

e36

delighted to put his hands on a gun again even if there's blood on it

he wants more things to shoot

doesn't think he's fired a gun before (second assertion of this fact) but it does feel familiar

has had a reoccurring dream of being Snoop Dogg

thinks the barnacles were made by the biology department

someone in Biology named Heather than Gordon tries to hit on sometimes. She is supposedly stone cold

calls himself The Freeman again

everyone was proud of the pollen that killed people

"goat cheese massacre"

return of the Fall Damage. Bemoans the lack of shock absorbers and drugs

confused at why he's wearing the HEV suit

vaguely remembers the ResCas proper

would not drink neon hi c ecto cooler

he doesn't like liars

black mesa is NOT a tourist trap

he is right tbh. Trespassers literally do have rights. You're supposed to make any unreasonable dangers clear and obvious. Warn with signage or some shit

aims to think like a squirrel that has anger problems

the nation of Freeman

yeah this sequence of events is normal and leads to promotions

e37

had some job interviews in grad school. Never knew how to answer their questions

thinks of the building as alive AGAIN

oh hey we're in the part of the facility that Physics of the Crowbar did astoundingly well

gotta avoid the blood shower :(

this gunk BETTER not get in his hair

he doesn't want to smell like mcdonalds

GROWLS

meat chunks in his hairrrrrrr

he no longer likes orange

he's 80% sure cheetos aren't made like this

undertow fuckin with him

his values have sunk since he woke up

prepared for when he gets Alzheimer's. He'll escape room his way out of the retirement home easy

wants a sword cane when he's old

you just shot a SNOT MONSTER, sir.

he remembers everything? (he does not) (he thinks the string theory crowd got into AnMat)

plans to sell the satchel charges to Eddie

yes the magnum does grant godlike ego

he isn't an optimist

this is NOT a democracy he has a GUN

"BLAH!!!"

freeman have you butchered animals before or

would love to land in a ballpit

naptime :>

bat JUMPSCARE he CANCELLED THE CREDITS. SHOCK. AWE.

e0

new intro. Tram ride to some vending machines.

attempts to flirt with the hazard course hologram

doesn't comment on the HEV suit's voice this time!

he's not coming back to the hazard course

only getting HEV suit training because he's capable of physical activity

derides the game-based language of the tutorial

"hup! hoo! hah!"

i WISH there was rubber padding around the knees of the suit

fatphobia,,

he always wanted to be a hamster man

finds the long jump module cool

"nreeeeeeoooow"

could press buttons all day!

Slur count: five.

e38

back to cafeteria intro

he can't sleep :(

HATES the room's vibes

self hypnotizes again. Lmao

TANK OF ACID! SUPERB!

he is a CAT

his faux-southern accent sucks so bad. hillbilly but worse

no come on you can dodge an incinerator

liked the Addams Family. Identified with the Thing, he says.

concrete corridor agnostic

double dead end!

he feels like strangling something.

feels like he wouldn't mind the nickname Dr. Stranglelove

growls again

backup backup gun dependency does rely on state yeah

he wanted a banana milkshake

he's talkin specbio,,,

he remembers lasers are BAD

limbos on by that awful tripmine

"BLLLAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

e39

[incoherent raging] followed by "wait! I have satchel charges!"

deeply comforted by having this amount of explosives. Wants to draw a smiley face on one

welllll the radiation sign is a bit off the requirement but that's a half life note not a freeman's mind note. He should know though

claims his geiger counter is trendy and fashionable

we have reached the non OSHA compliant location

he is clearly being sarcastic here but he does talk about seeing what was probably a mall santa

jello knees..... He's in painnnnn

this isn't even a SPA

he feels like he's in a sub in the cramped metal halls

back to the classroom analogy

it IS the amps that kill you yessirre

part of the opposable thumbs club!

takes the time to study the trapped alien grunt. Says it could get a management job

he hates biolabs :(

goes through the Atom Experience

incoherent babbling

he Remembers that everyone wants him dead. Shoots a probably innocent guard

now plans to kill the whole world

he's a gun farmer :>

usually when stuff goes long he concludes that everyone wants him dead

he's honestly a little relieved that he doesn't have to guess if people want him dead or not

doesn't recognize the vox

GRAPPLING HOOK MENTION

e40

new intro, shotgun-elevator shaft

the eternal issue of understaffing: doing weird bullshit always

"superbus" w/e well superbia is pride so I'd imagine this is "greatness" followed by whatever words he isn't reading

he isn't reading them because he doesn't know latin

human body staircase,,

door conspiracy!

actually thinks before he pushes a button

"woah-hoho-oh..."

hiccups :(

he gets really nervous after killing people

oh the subtitles have suddenly cut out

his normal work was in quantum mechanics and general relativity

stumbles over his saying "I don't know"

"there's no actual right to privacy but it's implied by the rest of the constitution. And this gun,"

prototype cheese slicer or pita cutter- you decide

HE CAN'T HELP ANYONE IF THEY'RE NOT CALM

RELAX AND FOLLOW THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE

back to hitting any button he sees

he is never going to ask for yellow space maggots jumping at his face

a list of things that makes freeman happy: lasers, food, painkillers, bed rest, not being persecuted, getting his life back on track. Lasers may be listed first here but it is below the rest of these

avoids the gauss gun

seeing body parts lying around used to bother him

wants to sprinkle cloned body parts lying places and tape people finding em

big laser? Badass.

gonna shoot down a satellite with that baby

[wrathoftheegods]

I got a question just outta curiosity n shit, what do ya look for in terms of friendship or a relationship? Interests, personality, looks… you get that shit I don’t wanna keep naming stuff, also because I’m the same bitch that asked about being afraid of commitment and I wanna bother ya about it <3

Alright, this is gonna be a long one. What can I say? I like my men just like how I like my women.

Alright, so first of all I'm just gonna go in order. Interests? Ya gotta stan Bizkit, obviously. And if you don't have at least one band-tee, I'll probably let’cha use mine if ya get lucky. And, if you play an instrument? Smash, all the fuckin’ way. You could be promoted from groupie, to maybe even being a new addition to the band. Not very likely though, most people usually don't fit the cut. Also, you gotta like horror movies n shit. Don't wanna fuck with a pussy ass bitch. I don't need Adam 2.0.

Anyway, next one. Personality? Immediately, don't be a pussy, like I said. I don't wanna date some wuss, and I don't wanna date someone who's trying to kick my ass all the time. There's an in between. I want someone who's chill as fuck, not some crazed cheeto puff. Also, personally I'd just prefer to date someone who's into sex. I don't mind if they're asexual, but I just have my preferences. I also make a lotta sexual jokes, so I guess I don't wanna do somethin’ some people might not like.

Looks? They gotta be hot. Also, I usually don't go for redheads. Total whore for blondies and people with black hair. I don't, uh. Have a good history with brunettes.. Also, I don't really care that much about genders, or pronouns, and whatever else. You're a girl? That's hot. You're a guy? Never dated one, but alright I guess. You're both? That's like, best of both worlds if you ask me. Man, I love boygirl - girlboys or whatever, yeah. That's all.

[cansomebodytellmewhatsgoingon]

"Look at this shark eating this cheeseburger"

"Das a toilet!"

"The moon tide is tugging on our hearts right now"

"You gon' spread my insides out, I'll start a fire"

"We turned him into a Pac-Man's little bitch"

"Monocle Gentlesir"

"Close that second fridge door, you big baby bitch"

"Lil' can! Lil' can!"

"I will climb Greatness Mountain... and grab Greatness' tits at the top of the peak!"

"Fuck this shit! Go home, go bed"

"You're like a dad teaching a kid with no fuckin' mobility in his legs on a tricycle - when someone's pushing him!"

"STREAM SPOATS!"

"You want da puncake?"

"I didn't know owls could fly"

"Keld um"

"Magic book... let what white woman allow me between her loins"

"Black Stamp of Approval™"

"BIG GUY! BIG GUY!"

"That's a fuckin' potato wearin' a bra"

"We're on the moon, and there's bees everywhere!"

"ALRIGHT!"

"'Am I ever gonna get married?' No, you gon' die alone"

"I'M SPEAKING MOTHERFUCKIN' ENGLISH YOU DUMB BITCH!"

"Off season"

"Dude, we were bottles between the couch and the bullet ploof grass!"

"GIVE. BIRTH."

"Uh, this - oh, I just ate it."

"Did you just throw up, like - like a baby, on yourself?"

"Goomba, fuck you!"

"TWO BOTTLES OF HEINIKIEN!"

"Stay...low"

"My name is Popeye for a reason, I do not fuck with the junk food like Cheetos"

"Racist Fridge"

"Now I'm stuck dressed as this sophisticated Chinaman!"

"Oh, there's a piggy! There's a - there's a - YAHOO!"

"I could've just laughed and busted milk or some shit out of my nose!"

"NOOO JOEEEE!!!"

"To the Minority Cave!"

"This is such bullshit! HE'S BLEEDING EVERYWHERE!"

"Mynamejeff"

"It's the Nintendo Switch... motherfucker"

"Today we're not gonna be continuing our lesson on... alien abductions, or whatever this is"

"You have bear fists?"

"I'm just kidding, you're a fUCKboy"

"It's like hockin' a dookie"

"It's Gorod Time"

"It happened so quickly, and with such velocity, that before I knew it, I had busted a nut on my own forehead"

"Shave my balls"

"Come on down to Olive Garden and get your free bread sticks"

"I've got to take a po-op"

"CHIPOTLE!!!"

"I became friends with the mutant gummy worm... I don't wanna kill him!"

"MOM MADE CHICKEN!"

"Your minimum-wage pilot just jumped out of the plane"

"Everything seems a...okay"

"Because it rips a hole in the space-time continuum and kills your heritage!"

"Where's Marge? Which one of you fucked my wife?"

"Who the FUCK wrote 'squeeze my weiner' on the end?"

"JUST WAY BETTER!"

"We ride together... we bake pies together"

"The Terminator's got a new son! Meet my boy!"

"Never gon' find me!"

"He went training his whole life for that one specific moment!"

"WAPOW!"

"*Moo laughing*"

[thekinkyleopard]

Practice Makes Perf

An Alistar x Kanai Non-Canon Fic

⚠️Content Warning⚠️

Platonic Making Out? Lemons? I-…I’m sorry?

🍋

Author’s Notes: So I uh…I can’t explain myself, I won’t and frankly I don’t need to. Don’t act like you don’t wanna see two hot hell boys get a lil freaky! Cause I’m tired of pretending like I don’t. :x @aller-geez owns Kanai, did the art and gave me full permission for what I’m about to do…

Description: Kanai is getting more and more serious with Draeko, but he’s never been romantic before, so he asks Alistar for help, but will it go too far?

A very concerned, confused and distraught Kanai paced back and forth in the small apartment he shared with his fellow Hellian, Alistar. He’d never been in this situation before, he never thought things could…get this far? Staring at the ground going from one end to the other, the questions swirled. What was he going to do? The red haired demon came waltzing into the living room, munching on handfuls, I mean handfuls, no consideration to grace, cleanliness or accuracy, of lime hot Cheetos. Chewing obnoxiously with his mouth half open, he froze mid walk as he noticed his buddy’s anxious display. He stood there munching without reserve, red eyes moving up and down trying to read the situation before hand.

“Hey, buddy?” He asked, finally having a clear mouth before, shoving another messy handful into his maw, half chewing. Shaking his head back and forth when he received no answer, just more pacing. “Bro…you’re Fuckin’ up the vibes, what is the deal?” Kanai paused now, brows furtherly crossed before he turned around, throwing his hands up. “Vibes? Deal? I didn’t make a deal?! I don’t understand /anything/ in this world…” he huffed as he stomped himself into the nearby dining room.

One red brow cocked upward, this was unusual for K to just be, well, anything more than emotionless and a lil angsty. Currently, he was frustrated. Clearly. However, the demon knew that the hound wasn’t able to place even the sheer fact he was frustrated. Ruby eyes rolled quickly followed with a slightly amused sigh, he followed forth to meet his distraught friend, who was leaned up against the table rubbing his temples.

“Let’s start with, why you’re pacing in the first place..why are you confused?” Kanai looked up at Alistar with curious eyes, they shifted back and forth almost as if he was trying to find a clue behind those cautious red orbs.

“I’m..confused?” Kanai asked first. Sighing with slight frustration, but trying desperately to have patience with his newly ‘feeling’ buddy. ‘He didn’t have Earthly training….he didn’t have earthly training…’ the demon reminds himself trying to find any shred of empathy that a creature like him possibly could.

“Okay…you’re pacing back and forth, your eyebrows are furrowed and there’s a million questions in your head, right?” Trying to display the man’s actions right before him like a map.

“Yes,” Kanai said flatly, understanding now when his friend explained it out with facts he could recall.

“That’s confusion, you don’t know the outcome of something, or you don’t comprehend something, so therefore you’re in a state of /confusion/,” explaining it carefully, without any usual trickery he would add. There were times, in fact, he could be a good friend, rarely. However, Kanai let out a deep sigh and began to speak with his eyes shut closed tightly, in hopes it would help him articulate what he was confused over.

“Drae…wants to put his lips on mine, but I tell him we don’t do that, why ? What is the significance? And then he gets wet eyes and then can not communicate properly..” Alistar bit his lip slowly trying incredibly hard to push back the laughter that tried to boil to surface. Kanai’s lack of human knowledge is probably the one thing he has on the elder Hellian, Alistar had to be completely desensitized and educated on human behaviors for centuries.

“K, Drae wants you to kiss him, it’s…how people on earth connect with each other,” he waved a hand around carelessly, rolling his eyes with exasperation. “It can be seen as completely pointless to hellians like us, but, also, it’s kind of fun…” tapping his index finger against the base of his chin as he contemplated all the mixed creatures he’d tongued down on earth.

“Fun?” Kanai asked with yet another curious inquiry.

“Well, you know how when you’re with Draeko, and you guys are..well, I don’t know what the fuck you two do together but…you know how the time seems to disappear? Like one minute the sun is out, the next it’s night time?” Finding it incredibly difficult to explain the feeling as Kanai seemed to furrow his brows inward, back to confusion. “OH! Fuck! You remember how we would set ice traps for the flame demons?? So they’d snuff out unexpectedly and make that sad high pitched sizzle?” Kanai cracked a sly smile and nodded faster, face turning up with pride as he got what the man was putting down.

“Yes! Fun! Yes! So this, kissing thing, is fun to Drae? And he gets the same feelings I get when we do ‘side quests’ back at the homelands?” Nodding his head furiously with excitement, the demon clapped his blackened hands together, before pinching each side of Kanai’s cheeks.

“Look how smart you are…yes! Okay! So he gets those feelings and more, ok, kissing is fun, but can be sexy~” he purred swirling a piece of loose navy strands in his slender index.

“Sexy?” Kanai contemplated the meaning of such a word. Alistar nodded slowly closing the gap between them to allow their chests to touch. His eyes looked downward at his best friend with a slight gleam of hunger.

“Tension..the prequel…Earthly creatures don’t have sex the same way we do…we get straight to the point down here,” Kanai stood completely still, truly just used to the fact that Alistar didn’t have any boundaries, so he didn’t feel the need to move. However, he was listening very closely as he hummed gently in his throat..so what was he supposed to do then?

“Okay…how?” Looking up at the red head with those curious sectoral heterochromia orbs. Alistar blinked once, a bit shocked and even confused himself now.

“How what?” Needing further clarification for what exactly his best friend was currently asking for. Couldn’t possibly…?

“How does one ‘kiss’ like those on Earth? Can you show me how I’m supposed to?” The demon stepped back a bit, taken completely by surprise before he swiftly looked the hound up and down. No, he was serious, it was unlikely he was going rouge and pranking him. Shoving one blackened hand in his Jean pocket he grazed the other’s body…look…don’t get any ideas. He wasn’t no mushy, gushy, loser, hopelessly in love with his best friend. Absolutely not. He’s an Anti-Christ, he wasn’t sure he could even do that..however, he would certainly fuck his best friend. If given the opportunity…shaking his head of the sins he wished to commit, he realized this was simply, a teachable moment. Nothing more, or less. Two best friends, kissing for science.

“Well, wait, you want me to like…demonstrate on you?” Look, he may be Satan’s son, but he wasn’t going in without consent. Kanai shrugged coldly, nodding his head slowly with certainty.

“I don’t see why not, you and I are both incapable of petty human emotions that would make this anything more than an experiment,” when the hound put it in those terms, he was absolutely correct. This would just be another Tuesday evening slob for Al. In the comfort of his own home with no effort? A total win win. He stepped back into the space that was once between them, bringing his hand up to cup just under the hellian’s jaw.

“Alright well…First..” he paused as his hand continued to snake over the soft surface there “it’s all about touch…they love to be touched like so…” he rubbed his thumb gently, brushed up over the man’s delicate cheek bone, sliding the smooth blackened palm down the center of Kanai’s thin neck “Some really love here…especially like this,” he hooked the man’s throat in the center of his hand before their mouths hovered just inches away from one another, Kanai watching every action taken, as Al’s hand began to tighten. Red eyes scanning with haste to catch any glimpses of hesitation. When he found none, he swiftly pushed their lips together in one fluid motion. Alistar noticed, really quickly, that Kanai sucked at kissing, as there was a whole lot of teeth clashing and lips slopping together in an uncoordinated fashion.

He pulled away with a chuckle, a string of saliva still connecting them before it broke, Alistar shaking his head back and forth. “Okay, follow my lips, don’t just stand there like a dead fish and guess… move~ with~ the~ motion,” he rocked his head to the emphasize of each word. The navy haired Hellian Looking upward in thought, before slowly nodding his head.

“Move…with the motion…got it, okay,” taking mental notes as they progressed. Touch..neck..move with the motions. Alistar’s grip tightened against the hound’s throat, he swallowed the other’s lips in another swift movement, Kanai returned with determined intention. Their lips slid across each other with ease now, before Al introduced a sly slippery tongue to curt past the shorter’s loosening lips. “Mhmmm~” Alistar mumbled through the kiss with reassurance. Taking the note, Kanai pushed back, throwing his own wet tongue through Al’s awaiting mouth. Groaning gently, the demon almost was starting to forget this was a teaching moment, shoving his hips inward toward the hellian. His free hand snaking up the side of his friend’s torso, gripping aggressively at his shirt, pulling him so closely it was certainly almost questionable.

Kanai figured this was just part of the lesson, so he paid close attention to the details. Grabbing..okay..he reached over and gripped the sleeve of Alistar’s black tshirt. The demon shuddered slightly, trying not to make it too obvious he was enjoying this moment, making out with his best friend. Their tongues swirled and danced around each other in hot passion, before Alistar disconnected their lips, still only centimeters apart.

Both huffing and trying to catch their senses. “This is important too…” the red head whispered in a sultry tone before his mouth started trailing open kisses along the skin of Kanai’s jaw, then neck, giving him a small generous bite within the crook of the space. Small bolts of electricity shot down the hound’s nerve endings like he’d stuck his finger in a socket. “This right here? Best spot in the house, watch…” his tone still low, red eyes glowing with lust as he dipped forward and sucked, ever so gently at the area he just brought attention to. The hound’s breath hitched once again, oh? The demon wasn’t wrong, that felt …amazing, his legs buckled just slightly, before Al slammed their lips back in unison. Between every third second of their lips colliding together in euphoric passion, the glowing eyed demon hissed between desires. “Be forceful…take what’s yours,” dropping nuggets of advice before reaching down to grab at the back of Kanai’s slender leg. He pushed him up in one bold flash, shoving the navy haired man downward, back flush against the table as the Anti-Christ pinned him below. He stared down into confused eyes with hunger before snatching their lips into another entangled Frenzy.

Completely losing his ability to hold back on his friend, long legs messily splayed around clothed hips, Kanai reaching up just slightly to touch crimson locks, trying to bring his bestie back down to earth. Only shortly met with his arm being shoved and pin down at the side of his face. Alistar threw himself into desperate passion. He ground his hips sharply downward into Kanai’s, who disconnected their kiss in a sharp gasp, the demon making quick work down his neck once more. “Al…” the hound whispered faintly, his head felt foggy, he was sure he could float away before he tried speaking out once again. “Uh…Al?” Said man was a tad busy, leaving soft sloppy kisses along the sides of exposed flesh before he pulled his head back up, staring down at his best friend, the other could see the dangerous glint visible behind glazed over crimson orbs.

“Hm?” He questioned once over looking at the hellian with nothing less than pure unbridled desire.

“…is this not the precursor to sex?…I think I can do that part myself…” Kanai blushed just slightly as his gaze switched to scanning around at the room they found themselves in. Alistar looked down, between their two bodies, more specifically at the fact his hardening groin was pressed pathetically up against his bestie’s. He cleared his throat but still flashed a winning smirk at the other.

“You sure you don’t need practice?” Licking his kiss swollen lips as he anticipated the man’s next answer.

“Alistar…I am pretty sure I know how to do sex…” his sectoral heterochromiatic eyes rolled with slight annoyance. Was his BEST friend seriously doubting his ability to fuck? He squinted his eyes up a bit, challenging the other.

“Look…I’m just trying to help ok…be a good friend, ya know?” Alistar couldn’t help but be, a tad manipulative in this situation..before adjusting his body, still having the shorter trapped below him, but his now way too tight jeans, rocked ever so slightly into the man beneath. “You don’t strike me as a dominant type..” bringing his free hand up, he swiped the pad of his thumb just barely under the hound’s puffy lower lip.

“Well…I can be, you don’t know…” Kanai trying his best to display a character of confidence as his body was rocked slowly into, waves of lust pulsating through him. However, he attempted to keep his composure, almost as if he was trying to convince the both of them now. They could each feel the other’s hot labored breaths ghosting over pale flushed faces, Alistar was certain to crack at any point. He couldn’t get this far and not feel some sense of release as he hovered his best friend.

“Look, don’t you want to impress Drae? Don’t you want the first time you two cross that threshold to be enjoyable for you both?” Al spoke, just barely brushing their lips together once more, noses gently fluttering past one another, hot huffs combining between them.

“Yes…” the hellian answered honestly, his murky colored eyes searching for a sign that was no where to be found. You can’t look for signals from the universe with the Anti-Christ beckoning at your back door. Literally.

“Then…relax…let me show you how…” now sliding that earlier mentioned free hand, slyly up the other’s button up shirt. “Okay?” Pausing once half way up his chest, seeking that  delectable consent he could almost reach in shaking palms.

“Okay,” his friend said confidently, he was right..he did want to please Draeko, even if that meant seeking pointers. The next sound that echoed within the confines of their small apartment was a feral growl rising from deep within Alistar’s chest cavity. Finally. He made quick work of unbuttoning Kanai’s persistently stubborn shirt, finding himself frustrated 3 buttons in only to rip it clear off the man’s slender frame. “Is that part of the lesson…?” Looking downward at his exposed chest.

“Absolutely, tearing articles of clothing off their bodies is a winning power move…” swiping his tongue just over the surface of his lower lip before biting down on it. “Make sure to praise…always mention how delicious they look…like now..you look absolutely submissive and breedable, friend,” the demon smiled broadly, Kanai scoffed with a heated flush, avoiding eye contact as his hair laid out messily around him. The demon dipped his head downward sliding his flattened tongue up the trail of exposed flesh. Kanai gasped audibly, his hips stuttered upward into the taller red head, causing them both to let out sexually frustrated grunts subconsciously. Blackened hands now explored the sides of his friend’s torso, mouth making a wet line up the hound’s body, nipping around raising chest buds. He stifled a sharp moan, but his body betrayed him as Kanai started to tremble loosely beneath the assaulting demon. “Now now…” Alistar paused between nips and licks tsking his slender tongue “Are we holding back..? It’s just us here…as friends~” he brought his fingers up to tighten and grip around the hound’s sharp jaw, twisting sharply to force eye contact, watching muddy blues roll back, orbs appearing fully black when Al brought his haunches down fiercely upon his.

“Is…is that…” Trying so hard to fight past the waves of pleasure that vibrated throughout his core. “Part…?”

“Shhh…you’re supposed to be learning…stop interrupting the teacher,” the anti-Christ hissed low in his chest before silencing the man altogether as their mouths intertwined again tongues clashing in a short battle of dominance. Alistar felt like his whole body was on fire as he carelessly rut up against his friend, palms clasped tightly around the other’s biceps to keep him in place. Together they slid their bodies desperately against one another. After a few moments of mindless frotting and breathless kissing, Al pulls his head back bringing his hands down to undo the hound’s grey slacks. Said man looked up at the demon with hooded and flushed eyes, sinful instincts bouncing off the other’s. “A-am I doing g-good? Al?” Stuttering in between labored breaths.

“Beautifully..” he heaved while shoving the other’s pants to his ankles now, taking the boxers with them. Laid out in front of him, his completely nude and aroused buddy. “As long as you’re retaining all of this for personal use…I won’t have failed,” he grunted slowly handling the hound’s free cock with his blackened palm now, the hell hound inhaled once, his legs trembling underneath the taller frenzied man. “Exude confidence…like you’ve been here before,” slicking his lips with a small trail of saliva before he quickly spit down on Kanai’s twitching length inside his hand. Sliding his hand in short circular pumps around the center of the head, before encasing his shaft in a tight grip. “You know how a cock likes to be held, that much I can assume, hm?” With a slightly teasing undertone as the organ leaked into the cracks of the demon’s fingers.

“A-Al..istar..d-don’t be..h-hah~ stupid..” his head twisting back and forth trying to fight the lust building within the pit of his stomach. He didn’t need Al, but he needed anything at this point, which happened to be Al in this current moment. Driven by natural instinct and a desire of greed, Kanai reached up to rip open the anti-Christ’s graphic tee in one swift rip. Quickly looking down, the demon chuckled. “See? You’re learning…” he huffed huskily under his breath before dropping ever so egregiously to his sharp knees, face nestled between the hell hound’s spred legs. “Foreplay is everything to these simpletons, while it’s merely a suggestion for us…so pay attention…” with sweating and rose colored cheeks, Kanai nodded breathlessly, his eyes paying close mind to Alistar’s sliding slick tongue across his trembling inner thigh. “All about the build up…” the Hellian muttered loosely under sharp, swift nips and sucks, doing his diligence to not leave any markings on property that wasn’t his. However good trespassing may feel. He slid his salivating tongue up the center of K’s impatient length with a lustful groan, palms gripping each thigh in fistfuls. He lowered his mouth down onto the awaiting organ, encasing it within his tightening throat.

“A-Alis-…? Hah~!” Losing his sense of clarity before his swollen cock was swallowed swiftly by his friend. He could feel every twist and suck of the expert mouth working him, sharp claws digging into the fragile wood beneath him. Grunting animalistic-ally, Alistar shoved himself forward again, massaging every inch with the base of his tongue. His right blackened hand came sliding down the center of the hell hound’s thigh, snaking between the crevices there so his middle and ring finger could smoothly brush up against his puckered hole. Unable to control his own body, Kanai dangled one leg loosely over the demon’s shoulder, the other spread out and trembling beside them, his hands gripping bright red locks of hair arching himself off the table with a long moan as he felt the fingers slowly slide inside of him.

“Oo-h..h’ah~ I see…that’s..hHh…” biting his lower lip and tossing his head to side while his body pulsated in lust. Continuing to take mouth fulls of Kanai’s tortured length, he used the same rhythm to pump his two fingers up and out of the hungry hole.

“Yeah? Makes you want my thick meaty cock up inside you, doesn’t it?” Shoving his digits further back to strike up against the softened little knot nestled within his prostate. Letting out a strangled grunt, Kanai tried his best to seek rational thought behind his desires to release.

“Am…am I supp-osed to..hah~ say..say that?” Blushing profusely the demon grunted freeing his own length from the depths of his pants. Alistar didn’t wear anything underneath, being a true form Commando man. The dragon laughed.

“Oh yeah, Draeko would love to hear it,” licking his lips with a sultry response before he spit generously into his palm. “I highly suggest forcing his face on your dick before sliding it in, but, unnecessary for today’s lesson..” he hissed between gritted teeth as he forced his tip past slickened cheeks. Still blushing profusely, the hell hound quickly glanced down, then back up at his friend, biting his lower lip suggestively before letting it bounce free.

“Al do I really need to know this pa-…Haah!” Crying out as the demon was far past driven by lust, forcing his way into his best friend’s tight ass. Ruby reds shined brightly as he groaned gutturally in his throat.

“Shit…f-Ah..uck,” the demon whimpered as the tight walls squeezed and welcomed his awaiting cock, losing that cool demeanor he held for a split second before his eyes zeroed back down on the male beneath him. “Don’t..ever forget…” slowly pulling himself back if only to dive his shaft deeper, encasing his girthy length within the hound. “To remind him how much you love feeling that tight little hole…” still trying to convince himself this was for educational purposes when in fact, he was deep diving in selfish desires.

Kanai nodded his head profusely, desperately trying to keep track of the words VS the extreme feeling of being full and plunged. His palms came up to grip tight to the demon’s slightly clammy shoulders. Both of them were starting to break out in a thin sheet of sweat as their bodies collided into one another. Alistar leaned his head down into the navy haired man’s flushed, pierced ear. “Never let them…cum..without permission,” huffing between each pump, before he growled even deeper “You hear me? …I’m gonna need you to beg for it…” the demon’s voice was sinister, lost in his hunger he continued his motions of snapping his haunches inward and up, striking that precious nub inside. “Want it right there, when you feel that smooth little patch…” rubbing the tip of his cock gingerly over the said spot before shoving himself deeply against it.

“Alistar…you’re…that’s going..” gasping despairingly, hands sliding down patches of the demon’s now reddening flesh. Ruby orbs shined menacingly as they pierced into his vulnerable best friend.

“Can you? Come on..it’s for practice now..let me hear it,” his mouth sliding hungry teeth down the flesh behind his ear. “Al~ please can I?” His mouth came up in a mocking pout and a bone chilling voice. Kanai narrowed his eyes downward, though unable to make direct visual contact with the other, it didn’t matter as his orbs rolled back with defeat. His prostate being relentlessly slammed up against, he eventually caved and cried out..

“Alistar…please, please can I cum now?” Words that cut through the Anti-Christ’s cock like a sharp knife through the throat. Something else he could use right now..add a little danger to the mix..no, no time for distractions he was on a mission. Somehow managing to pull such a submissive and desperate plee out of the elder guardian, snapped something feral in him.

“Go ‘head, Cum for me, Kanai,” he grunted between his teeth as he was slamming his hips in at full hilt, driving them both mad with lust, it didn’t take long as Kanai’s hand started to pathetically rub and twist at his own leaking length. Between the aggressively timed thrusts and sloppy work he made on his cock, Kanai cried out…spilling his seed across his own stomach and chest, vision blackened as he road that post orgasm high. Left over shock waves pulsating his every skin cell while Al was still damaging his insides. One grip on Kanai’s dangled thigh, and the other on his laid out hip, the demon forcibly drove his hips upward with one last aggressive push and exploded inside his best friend’s ass. Both of the men gasping, sweating while their sins washed away, and they were left with nothing but the silence..and Al still being buried inside him.

“Uh..Al?” Kanai said finally grasping a sense of clarity once more, he looked down at the atrocity that was the aftermath, and then back at the red head.

“Hm?” Alistar said in a shaky acknowledgment, his body hunched over the sticky hell hound.

“Can you let me up now?” The man responded flatly, seemingly back to normal than when this whole encounter started. Nodding swiftly, Alistar slowly pulled his leaking and softening length back out of his throbbing hole, stumbling back and running a hand through his crimson locks.

“So…you think that you’re uh…bit more prepared now?” Shoving the remnants of his shredded shirt off his body, using it to clean the liquids from his toned skin. Kanai sat up now as he felt everything drip off, and out of him.

“I uh…I think so…” scratching the back of his sweaty head before he reached over to grab his own torn up shirt, trying to smear the mess of cum off his stomach.

“Well, If you ever need anymore pointers…you know where to find me,” fishing a pack of Marlboro reds out of his pants, pulling a single cigarette out and holding it between two stained lips. “Remember, Practice makes perf, buddy,” lighting the cancer stick and inhaling once, he blew out his nose like a dragon before flashing a wink from his overly confident red eyes.

“Yes, Thank you, Al,” nodding generously before he hopped off the table himself. A sly smirk spread across the demon’s cocky mug as he inhaled another mouthful of nicotine.

“Oh, you’re welcome,” blowing out slowly, eyeing the hound up and down once before turning away and heading towards the bathroom. “But I wouldn’t mention it,” cackling his way into the hall.

The end.

Author’s Notes: I have nothing to say for myself. It wasn’t supposed to end in butt fucking BUT IT DID. It’s okay. It’s Non-Canon. And Draeko doesn’t have to know :x am I a bad mother?

[spottedside]

man fuck this my stomach cant handle mf hot cheetos and taco bell in a day? fuckin wake me up 3 times because my stomach is tryna eat itself?

[vent-for-peace]

I must say, it feels nostalgic...

I'm not sure why, maybe i have healed after so long, who knows, maybe i'm just a little twisted... although, i wouldn't mind the latter. I do wait patiently for the first time in my life i get to enact revenge and tear someone apart

I always thought of revenge on them after what happened, i always thought "you better thank your lord and saviour that i can't reach you without making a fool of myself, otherwise the law would know where to look around if they want to disappear too", i genuinely thought of such things and to tell you the truth i regret nothing... well, except for the irresponsibility, i acknowledge it and hold myself accountable for it and have improved, but it could've been better and less... well, you know~

But now i can't seem to take it seriously like i used to! What happened to the resentment?? The anger, the lust for blood?? The desire to feast on their flesh?? The desire to leave my message to whoever crosses my path??? Where is it??

I guess i may have healed! Haha! Yes the speech about how my hunger for revenge suddenly disappeared is exaggerated. I'm not one for that kind of drama, and i never will... anyway!

Now i occasionally have these random thoughts of putting people even remotely related to them hostage, and spouting things like "i'm putting your bag of Cheetos at gunpoint, now sing that song for me!", "Hey i shot your foot, you should act like it lol", "i shot your fuckin' Cheetos, apologize or the Sprite is next!" And so and so... very silly yet violent things, i even laughed at these one time. They sounded so silly, i couldn't take it seriously from how goofy i made it sound! Seriously, "i shot your fuckin' Cheetos!"??? Come on, that's goofy, admit it!

I guess i've healed, because i can't take it seriously anymore! How funky is that?! I made some dumb trauma funny for me and now i can't see it as anything else other than a joke! Hahaha!

Haha! Ha! Hahaha..! Haha... ha... heh... hm... and now i feel somber, no longer goofy and full of whimsy... now i feel like i'm mourning, mourning something that doesn't deserve to be mourned or missed...

What's with the bipolarity now?? I guess it's a heavy yet strange yet important part of my life and it's expressed in my duality, my sudden jumps from one side to the other side of the spectrum of emotions, it's one after another in this matter whenever the moment calls for it... it's a strange thing about me that i honestly find intriguing, i will not lie... i should look into this further and further~

It feels nostalgic, like a fond memory- no, genuinely, i remember it strangely fondly now! It's weird! Haha! It feels very nostalgic, like i'm remembering the first time i've had true fun in my school, true laughs, i've felt my kind of happiness in the place where everything clashes so hard, everything shatters and rebuilds, over and over and over again... see? First i'm silly and goofy, and then i'm somber and deep. I bet you my remaining impulse control that at some point in this post i will get angry then sad then crack a joke all over again!

I guess what i'm trying to say is... i may have healed, because now it feels like a fond memory that still gets me to giggle...

I won't tag this with any tags that may guarantee people of that community to find this, i have respect and manners, i know it's wrong because i have that feeling it's not something people would want to encounter when looking for pictures of their favorite characters or a character they feel romantic desire for... yes, i'm part of the latter, that man-made god has stolen my heart and i couldn't be happier for it, haha!

See? There's that quirk again! Hahaha! Now it's making me laugh too! It's so entertaining right now! Right, moving on!

If anyone does find this (i doubt it, being honest), just know i'm not making a stance or anything like that, i'm just... venting, i guess! It sounds too cheery and such to be a vent, but who knows? Indians have made it to the moon, anything is possible!

And if, somehow, by probably pure magic and chance, that person finds this... know this...

I'm sorry for what you've been through and that i hope it gets better for you.

I'm sorry you are flawed and broken, and treated like nothing more than what your actions spoke. I've been there before, i know what it's like, you put me through it, so i can only wish you good luck on your journey to healing and moving on from this madness that although you yourself have caused... it was truly never meant to be, you truly didn't mean no harm and i can see it in your final response. I'm sorry for the hurt they have caused you, you also deserve better.

If we were all alone in a forest, camping... i'd definetly set a campfire and relax with you in the warmth of the fire. We both need it and deserve it. You need it and deserve it.

See you on the flipside, if it's meant to be.

[mechahero]

@dragvnsovl asked- receiver watches sender lick the blood off their fingers like its cheeto dust //Goku Black

He grimaces, unable to pull his eyes away from the sight before him. A man covered in blood is nothing new, least of all for Lambda, but to be so eerily pristine with only their hands covered in blood? That's a cause for alarm.

And yet, he finds himself rooted to the spot, watching as this man licks the blood off his hands. He doesn't like the smile he sees on his face. It's one of satisfaction. Lambda hunches down a bit. Just in case, he tells himself.

"You ever hear of washin' your fuckin' hands?" And there goes his mouth, moving faster than his brain. "Or do you just not give enough of a shit? Or do you just really fuckin' love the feelin' of blood on your hands?"