#fucked up and evil moments tbqh

[invinciblerodent]

roughly 650-700 hours in, and I just went through Gale's resurrection protocol for the very first time, on my tactician playthrough, and man....

...... it'll be incredibly difficult to make Mara's a Karlach romance.

not because I wouldn't actually want to romance her (GOD I wanna do it so bad), but my girl, she just.... has a mind of her own. and that mind, it's so, so very conflicted. and full of so many holes. her brain? not even like Swiss cheese, but moreso like some sort of weird fizzy drink, just... bubbling away in there.

everyone is so mean to her. even though she's trying so hard to be nice, everyone seems to either treat her like a curiosity ("oh, we rarely see your kind up here!") or spit the word "drow" as if it was a slur (even though she's only kind of aware of what that even really means), when trying to share her concerns most just dismiss her off the cuff, and Gale... god, Gale is just so icredibly NICE to her in comparison.

He explains everything so patiently. His approval of her is by far the highest, he says things like "excellent question! :D", even praises her, shares little personal anecdotes without prompting (it's not like he holds information behind a paywall of favors, or like you have to pull each and every word from between his teeth with pliers like some others), and even though he didn't understand why and/or grasp the magnitude of the compulsion, he seemed to kind of... at least understand that she's concerned???? instead of blowing her off completely and handwaving it away???? And, and, when he can't answer a question (because it's about a secret, or personal, or whatever), he doesn't get angry, or disapprove, or make her feel like she violated his privacy by simply asking, only says "sorry, can't tell you that right now, but in due time. :)".

he's just.... head in my fucking hands, of course she'd feel incredibly drawn to him from the first goddamn moment, he's like basically the first person who's been genuinely kind to- and understanding of her (even before the tadpole, tbqh), and all that without ulterior motives, or assuming that she's dangerous, stupid, or evil. (even if he probably should have assumed that, on that latter part.)

how and why do i keep making characters who all fall at least a little bit in love with Gale Fucking Dekarios of Waterdeep

(I swear to fucking god nobody dare answer that :c)

(side note, frankly I'm baffled on how many dialogue options there are that let you say shit that amounts more or less to “uuuughhh bringing you back to life was SUUUCH a chore. be glad i didn't sell your stupid scroll, dick”, but none where you can say something like “Gale!!!! Gods, are you alright!!!! You died!!!!!! You're back!!!!!! I was so worried for you!!!!!!!! Of course I brought you back, wtf!!!!!!!!”.

I'd also have liked one to just.... start crying, tbqh.

it would have made sense for Mara specifically, to go through the instructions and the protocols with as intense a panicked focus as she can manage [no easy task, with a thick blueberry shake for brains], and as he's thanking her, and tapping himself to reconfirm that he's corporeal, to just.... start bawling. and to crumple into his arms. Like, he's her friend!!!! her good friend Gale, whom she had known all of three days!!!!!!! he died!!!! and now he's alive!!!!! omg that was so scary; don't do that again you silly man!!!!!!)

(babygirl was so rattled, she even got the mephit's name wrong like twice. no it wasn't me being a dumbass, i was in character, shush.)

[yamatossideboob]

ONE PIECE 1026 Spoilers!

This week's chugs:

missing Soba girls… what sinister machinations are afoot…

smh Dorry and Brogy, aren't there more important matters to deal with? 😤

Nami is fucking GLUGGING that absinthe, I sure hope nothing strange or peculiar happens as a result!

I was genuinely taken back by the presence of absinthe tbh. It tracks that the giants would have a robust and varied liqueur cabinet, but absinthe just feels like a world apart from these mead-swilling colossi. That shit is decadent, maybe in Dressrosa I'd think nothing of it lol. It's HEADY too, not quite hallucinatory afaik, but you'd be proper munted on it for deffo. Which is odd imo for a culture so fond of fighting… maybe Dorry and Brogy imagined their beef 100 years ago lmao

Green fairy was my nickname in high school

LOL I love the Nika pose by Luffy holding the Flintstones meat bone.

Damn I wish Robin would eat me like that

YEAH GIANT SUPER POSE!!!! EVEN ZORO IS DELIGHTED

Bonney is so cute with her android father's corpse 🥺

Also I'm just fretting now but. istg if Oda undoes Kuma's death i am going to right fecked off

I wish i enjoyed this next segment more, but I can't help but see Barto as being underserved since the Grand Fleet formed. I doubt he's out for the count just yet, but I wish we'd seen more of him somehow. I hope at least we see him again for the final battle (and the rest of the GF PLEASE ODA)

In practical terms I appreciate that we're getting closure on this little sub-escapade. Plus Oda probably wanted to remind us that Shanks is in Serious Pirate Mode, can't be letting snots like Barto disrespect an Emperor.

tbqh I think more stan-brained weirdos should be made to drink poison.

The above said, I appreciate Bartolomeo getting this moment to shine. He could be a quality bro of Bon Clay nature when he leaves the parasocial nonsense behind.

Yasopp's actions here are interesting to me, it's like he's a Zoro to Shanks in making sure his captain keeps up the standard of Emperor. Neat little dynamic.

And with that, another vulgar star is snuffed out by Uncle Shanks. Barto & crew aren't dead obviously, I think he could use his fruit power to maybe encase the lot in a large sphere and hamster ball their way back to shore. I really do hope this isn't the last we see of him.

I LOVE THAT ISLAND MAN PIZARRO HAS LITTLE BANDAGES ON HIS ROCK SKULL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

just why is KOBY of all people important to getting the last ponegliff… Pudding is obvious given her ability to read them, but I'm blanking on why Koby is necessary… unless it was as collateral for some exchange of imprisoned pirates? Koby is a current golden boy but idk that he's that important rn… mysterious 🤔

Actually wait if that were true they'd be stoked by having Garp instead lmao nvm

But more importantly YAY MORIA ESCAPED AND CAN NOW MAYBE JOIN CROSS GUILD! I've always had a soft spot for Warlord Dracula, I'd love love love if he became a cog in the wider story again :3

also Sanjuan putting knocked-over buildings back is so funny and sweet. and tbh the next page scene of the BB crew hanging out is just nice, I love when crews just share company, it makes their comradery (or at least cooperation) that much more believable.

LMFAO HEY GRANDA HOWS IT FEEL TO BE LOCKED UP IN CHAINS BY A GREAT EVIL HUH????? fucking cop locked up in a pigsty, we love to see it

The Marejois siege continues, again love to see it!

Okay calling it now, Blackbeard is going to break the siege on for leverage in getting Fullaled nation status. This doesn't feel like much of a call, but BB is nothing if not an opportunist.

Pizarro picking up Devon and Augur's ship is cute 🥺

and now Blackbeard is one step closer to attaining an Ancient Weapon… interesting times are due friends…

Bonney staying to Jimbei is cute too 🥺 it'll be okay dw

"I wonder if it got chomped to bits by a big fish" Robin I love your fucked up sense of humour more than words can say

And now we have the highlight of the chapter: NEW NAMI OUTFIT!!!!!!!!!

This viking glam ensemble is beyond cute imo, I cannot wait to see what outfits the rest of the crew get on Elbaf!!!!

And we won't have long to wait, as there'll be another chapter next week!! Giant fun is ahead namaka!! 💪✖️

[nirvanai]

Would you rather Tearer has half of Ryuki's brother's face instead of a grey carapace? Or Ryuki's brother having never existed and Ryuki is suffering some severe Mandela Effect?

not gonna lie I saw a fanart of tearer with half of ryuki’s brother’s face on twitter a while ago and that au concept has lived rent free in my mind ever since (can’t find the link rn but if anyone can pls leave it in a reply bc its Great and ppl should get to see it). Its the absolutely perfect delightfully fucked up sort of angst that I think could be really fun. the idea of his brother having never actually existed is an interesting one, but I feel like it’d end up sorta removing some of the impact of a lot of his motivation and stuff, if that makes sense? He’s living for the memory of his brother, so having that all fake would be kinda less interesting to me.

with that first concept though. oh man. oh boy. it could be So much. given the resources that naix had, it’s not impossible to conceptualize, just. extremely super fucked up. (which... fits Naix pretty well considering the shit chikara and tokiko were willing to do lmao stealing half the face of a dead teen wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibility for those two).

(it got long again so the rest under a cut. also edit: found the tweet i was thinking about! cw eye horror/alcohol in the link)

like first of all. just imagine a version of ryuki’s confrontation with tearer 6 years ago at the cathedral where he found that out. he shoots at tearer and breaks half of his mask- the opposite half that date shoots. and you see ryuki’s own face. like. that would Ruin Him even before hitting him with the EM waves to take tama out.

Or alternatively, that confrontation goes the same, but rather than date and bibi seeing “Jin’s” face, they see “Ryuki’s” face- especially considering we literally just saw ryuki and tearer talking face to face, it’d be... the exact sort of wild insane plot twist i would not put past Uchikoshi lmao.

so while the player is just absolutely losing their mind over “what the fuck did ryuki’s twin survive somehow” the story keeps moving on, and then you find the half a body in the cathedral, and its “ryuki”. so there’s that moment of “WHAT THE FUCK NO-” before you realize its uru and great googly moogly its all gone to shit.

shoutouts to that meaning ryuki would basically have to see his brother’s dead body. Again. but this time its his face being worn by a serial killer, the exact sort of person Yukuto wanted to Stop. that would be, uh, deeply upsetting to someone like him! I will say, if anything, I feel like it’d make Ryuki just hate Tearer even more- like, he already hates criminals. Knowing that a very dangerous and violent criminal had literally stolen his brother’s face? Oh Man would that piss him off.

It’d also be very interesting to see how that could further play around with Amame and Ryuki’s relationship and parallels- how she views him and thinks of him, having killed someone with half a face that looked just like his. Would she hate him for thinking he’d related to Tearer? Or would she freak out a bit more, feeling like she’s being haunted by the person she killed? Plenty of interesting options. 

Also I just. would Desperately hope that the epilogue would include more talk between ryuki and the mizukis and them like... checking in to make sure he’s ok. like. christ that’s some additional trauma to add to the trauma pile. it’d be a very interesting way to link Ryuki back to Horadori more though.

Honestly if we get a DLC or a third game I’m very curious if Uchikoshi has any more plans to expand upon Ryuki’s past. the fact that he’s suggested a name for his twin but hasn’t actually committed to one (and specifically stated its not Canon), plus a handful of older twitter replies abt ppls thoughts on ryuki, makes me hope so. I’d really love to see more about him he’s so interesting. 

[evilmortys]

okay,  so,  here  are  my  thoughts  on  the  finale,

i’m  gonna  start  with  the  things  i  didn’t  like,  just  because  of  who  i  am  as  a  person!  my  feelings  are  mixed,  but...  looks  lovingly  at  evil  morty.  he  truly  was  the  only  exception  as  usual  ♥

i’m  not  going  to  lie,  this  whole  thing  felt.  rushed.  although  some  of  rick’s  meta  commentary  about  not  touching  citadel  shit  because  it  was  canon  and  he  and  morty  were  supposed  to  be  going  back  to  lighthearted  one  off  adventures,  and  “the  second  he  reveals  that  he’s  evil,  we’re  out”  made  me  laugh,  it  also  felt  very  disingenuous  and  ham-fisted.  having  him  do  all  these  fourth  wall  breaks  honestly  took  away  from  the  impact  of  what  this  episode  could  have  been,  but  whatever.  

i  just  got  the  vibe  that  they  wanted  everyone  to  stfu  about  the  citadel  and  evil  morty,  so  they  quickly  stuck  together  this  episode  that  dealt  with  fans’  demand  in  one  fell  swoop  so  they  could  move  on  from  the  existence  of  both  plotlines.  i  honestly  thought  it  was  a  bit  wasteful  since  tales  from  the  citadel  resonated  with  a  lot  of  fans  and  it  was  an  interesting  bit  of  worldbuilding  with  compelling  narratives  going  on.

you  already  all  likely  know  how  irritated  i  am  with  morty’s  character  degrading  so  much  once  again.  this  entire  season  has  been  building  him  up  to  becoming  so  much  more  capable,  only  to  wrench  it  away  from  him  again  by  instead  having  his  co-dependency  with  rick  ramped  up  to  the  point  it  was  literally  out  of  character.  this  has  come  out  of  nowhere.  at  no  point  in  the  show’s  entire  run  has  morty  ever  been  this  needy  with  rick.  

again,  i  feel  like  this  may  have  been  written  around  what  eventually  ended  up  happening  at  the  citadel,  with  the  revelation  that  mortys  are  ‘bred  for  forgiveness.’  it  would  have  been  far  more  compelling  for  our  morty  to  have  continued  to  go  down  the  path  of  being  decidedly  unforgiving  of  rick’s  bullshit,  thereby  making  him  deviate  from  the  norm  in  a  similar  way  to  evil  morty  himself  and  implicating  that  the  cycle  of  a  morty  going  to  these  extremes  is  going  to  be  repeated  once  again.

rick  did  not  deserve  or  earn  voicing  the  recognition  that  his  dynamic  with  morty  was  toxic,  and  abusive.  are  you  fucking  kidding  me?  the  smartest  man  in  the  universe  only  JUST  clocked  onto  that?  bullshit!  he’s  known  all  along,  and  he’s  been  using  it  for  his  own  gain!  he  doesn’t  get  to  just  say  it  with  that  regretful  voice  as  if  he’s  been  clueless  /  oblivious  to  it  this  entire  time.  they  just  wanted  the  audience  to  feel  sympathetic  for  him  by  throwing  in  this  tidbit  and  a  tragic  backstory,  as  if  that  even  sort  of  makes  up  for  everything  he’s  put  his  family  through.  

abandoning  the  people  you’ve  hurt  is  ALSO  abusive  and  toxic  behaviour!  he’s  done  it  time  and  time  again!  how  is  acknowledging  the  fact  that  you  hurt  people,  that  you  hurt  your  family,  the  people  that  love  you  despite  the  fact  you  objectively  don’t  deserve  it,  then  ditching  them  once  again  instead  of  staying  with  them  and  improving  as  a  person  and  helping  everyone  heal  from  what  you’ve  put  them  through,  ANY  BETTER??  he  never  changes!!

i  also  couldn’t  really  process  the  fact  that  rick  just  handed  morty  his  portal  gun  like  it  was  nothing--  i  feel  like  him  topping  it  off  and  using  it  behind  rick’s  back  should  have  been  a  bigger  deal  than  what  it  was.  also,  morty  would  not  break  a  guy  out  of  a  mental  asylum  without  a  second  thought.  he  simply  wouldn’t  do  that.

we’ve  fallen  right  back  into  the  status  quo  of  morty  being  stupid  and  rick  being  the  smartest  one  in  the  room  who  always  knows  what’s  going  on,  even  when  he  actually  shouldn’t  for  the  sake  of  a  few  meta  jokes.  which  is  more  annoying  than  i  can  put  into  words  tbqh

obviously  i  hated  all  the  parallels  they  were  attempting  to  make  between  rick  and  morty  having  a  romantic  relationship  and  “breaking  up.”  never  has  morty  behaved  so  uncharacteristically  in  any  other  episode  of  the  show.  it  honestly  felt  disrespectful  to  all  the  growth  he’s  had  as  a  character  to  reduce  him  to  something  so  pathetic.

i  guess  this  is  less  of  a  thing  i  disliked,  and  more  of  a  commentary  on  rick’s  character?  but  once  again,  his  hypocrisy  really  leapt  out  at  me  once  it  was  revealed  that  he  always  has  a  hand  in  bringing  together  beths  and  jerrys  in  order  to  ensure  that  more  mortys  will  end  up  in  the  multiverse.  i  find  it  unbelievably  sad  that  he’ll  willingly  ensnare  the  two  of  them  in  the  throes  of  a  relationship  that  he  knows  is  likely  to  become  toxic  and  cause  the  both  of  them  to  be  miserable  throughout  their  time  together;  they’re  rarely  happy  /  compatible  together  and  always  end  up  sticking  it  out  for  the  kids.  it  also  makes  his  constant  shitting  on  jerry  even  more  egregious  and  almost  serves  to  call  his  love  for  his  daughter  into  question  for  me.  he’s  using  her  as  a  means  to  his  own  ends  by  manipulating  situations  so  she’ll  meet  jerry  and  they’ll  likely  end  up  together.  

don’t  get  me  wrong,  i  actually  really  loved  the  fact  he  had  a  hand  in  founding  the  citadel  he  now  loathes  so  much,  and  i  think  the  constant  creation  of  mortys  as  grandsons  ‘bred  to  forgive’  ricks  is  so  fucked  up  and  awful  in  the  most  intriguing  way.  it’s  akin  to  him  fiddling  with  the  concept  of  keeping  mortys  in  constant  pain  to  cloak  his  comings  and  goings  around  the  multiverse  (on  paper,  morty,  on  paper!),  except  this  time  he  did  it  in  reality.

evil  morty.  oh  my  god,  evil  morty.  my  saving  grace.  my  ray  of  light.  i’m  so,  so,  so  pleased  with  the  way  he  was  handled.  while  i  admit  i  was  looking  forward  to  more  of  a  slow - burn  thing,  getting  a  bit  of  insight  into  his  presidency  and  possibly  exploring  a  dynamic  with  him  and  c-137  (we’ll  get  to  that)...  i  honestly  still  really  loved  what  ended  up  happening  with  him,  even  though  i  still  believe  on  some  level  that  they  just  wanted  to  tie  up  his  narrative  thread  so  fans  wouldn’t  remain  fixated  on  him.

of  course  he  did.  of  course  that  motherfucker  rick  created  a  boundary  within  the  infinite  multiverse  that  ensured  he’d  always  be  the  smartest  man  within  it  as  far  as  mortys  and  other  people  in  his  life  were  concerned.  i’ve  always  found  it  odd  that  such  universes  were  never  brought  up  even  in  passing;  the  nature  of  infinite  possibilities  always  dictated  that  someone  smarter  than  him  must  exist  out  there,  and  that  worlds  existed  where  he  was  nobody  special.

him  being  morally  gray.  i  could  cry.  i  was  clinging  on  to  the  hope  that  it  would  be  shown  he  hates  ricks  more  than  he  looks  down  on  mortys,  and  it  absolutely  was.  while  he  was  okay  with  killing  and  hurting  mortys  to  achieve  his  own  “selfish”  ends,  it’s  clear  that  he’s  unhappy  with  the  cycle  of  abuse  from  their  infinite  grandfathers  that  pushes  him  to  these  extremes,  loathes  the  concept  that  mortys  are  not  supposed  to  defy  their  ricks.  “if  you’ve  ever  been  sick  of  him,  you’ve  been  evil  morty  too.”  he  hates  ricks  FAR  more  than  he  does  mortys,  and  you  can  pry  that  from  my  cold,  dead  hands.  he  believes  mortys  are  beyond  help  because  of  the  way  they  stick  by  rick--  the  fact  they’re  literally  created  with  being  yes-men  for  rick  in  mind.

he  didn’t  seek  to  make  changes  for  the  greater  good  of  other  mortys  within  the  citadel.  i  think  he  understood  on  some  level,  it  was  impossible.  i  think  he  has  this  belief  that  other  mortys  are  part  of  the  problem,  because  they  perpetuate  the  cyclic  dynamic  of  toxicity  and  harm--  they  don’t  move  to  break  free  from  it  the  way  he  does,  and  so  he  feels  no  guilt  leaving  them  behind  while  he  breaks  into  the  aspect  of  the  multiverse  where  rick  has  no  power.  it’s  honestly  heartbreaking  that  he’s  come  to  have  a  mindset  like  that.  

i  think  seeing  c-137  reach  out  to  help  rick  up  once  again  instead  of  accepting  what  i  hope  and  pray  was  a  semi - genuine  offer  to  join  him  as  he  departed  was  just  yet  another  instance  of  him  witnessing  a  morty  doing  the  most  to  save  the  man  who  makes  their  lives  a  living  hell.  if  he  was  truly  unsympathetic,  he’d  have  made  no  such  offer.  if  he  thinks  a  morty  is  capable  of  pulling  away  from  the  hold  ricks  have  on  them,  he  wants  them  out  of  this  shit  just  as  much  as  he  himself  wants  to  break  free  from  it.  i  think  he  has  the  mindset  that  i  know  they  tried  to  play  it  off  with  “haha  the  other  seat’s  a  toilet,”  but  i  don’t  think  that  was  the  case  and  they  were  once  again  just  undermining  the  moment  for  no  good  reason.  SCREAMS!!  don’t  get  me  wrong  what  he  did  WAS  selfish  and  evil.  but  in  a  way  you  can  understand  where  it  derives  from

again,  it  REALLY  irritates  me  they’ve  undone  so  much  of  morty’s  character  just  to  ensure  he  wouldn’t  end  up  taking  evil  morty  up  on  his  proposition.  if  morty  had  retained  even  a  tenth  of  the  character  growth  he’s  been  having  from  late  season  four  until  towards  the  end  of  season  five,  wherein  it  began  to  unravel,  he’d  have  left  rick.  undeniably.

the  yellow  portal.  oh  my  god............

it  made  me  so  fucking  emotional  to  see  that.  he’s  won.  he’s  free.  

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 31: Orphan Black 2x02

This was a good ep but I feel like I wasn’t paying enough attention... I can’t just give my undivided focus to anything more. That’s probably bad.

I’m also fading VERY fast.

Art learned about the clones damn fast lol. I guess they weren’t interested in teasing that out anymore--or just couldn’t afford to--or just realized it wasn’t feasible that he wouldn’t have figured anything out after meeting, like, 5 clones. I was ready for him to know, but it feels anticlimactic.

I do like him and Sarah as a Detective Duo, though, even though their time together in this ep was pretty short, and they didn’t really do that much... They had the right Attitude, though.

I did not remember at all the twist with Kira and Mrs. S. So that was fun. I just love Mrs. S so much and I think I love her even more on this rewatch. She’s just so consistently badass... I don’t know, I don’t have deep commentary about it. But I love her whole thing, her radical politics and her love of children, her networks of people, her sneak ways... How at the end of it all she unconditionally and completely loves and would do anything for Sarah, Felix, and Kira. It was also cool seeing a bit more of Sarah’s and her family’s history. Honestly I just feel like I could watch a whole show that’s just about them.

I’d forgotten the twist also, though at least some of it came back when S stabbed her friends’ hands with a fork and a knife. Hard to totally forget that. I did feel very bad that her friends had betrayed her, and that as a consequence, she’d come very close to putting her granddaughter (and daughter) in harm’s way, as she’d JUST pointed out she never did. Plus, to do the sort of things she did, she had to have a lot of trust in her associates, and to see them just turn on her for... money? Very sad.

I remember that Mrs. S is in fact one of the good ones, and I remember the (fairly clearly retconned) connection between her mother and the clones, but other than that, I can’t remember what she knew and when. I feel like they’re already retconning her level of knowledge/involvement a little? Or maybe it was planned out that way from the beginning and I just don’t personally like it. That is a possibility. But it READS like ‘hey, we’re halfway through the story, wouldn’t it be cool’ type rewriting rather than a ‘wow, what a twist! everything really is coming together and making even more sense now,’ galaxy-brain style reveal.

I would also watch a whole show about Alison, still. Nothing really new to say about her but like... I continue to love all aspects I have previously loved. How she calls her adoptive brother Felix when she needs help. Her ridiculous play. (Okay, I do cringe, but what a ballsy move for the show as a whole.) Her relationship with slightly doofusy but ultimately good-hearted Donnie. “I think I need to keep drinking, then I’ll come up with an idea.” Her kids stealing the funeral flowers. “Breathe from the sacrum” (extra cringe in this the year 2021 tbqh.)

But also a special shout out in this episode to Leekie, still, I’m just gonna say it, the best villain, stepping out of his usual role today to be comic relief. Leekie trying to wrangle Donnie just made my whole week. “Donald, stop talking.” “That’s the wrong Sarah.” He’s having a hard time being evil OR charismatic trying to deal with the Hendrixes lol.

I had a flickering of interest in Cosima’s story line today, around the time she joked about “keeping the clones” in the basement. Idk, something about the concept of a cloned scientist researching clones. This big biotech company with a secret cloning project,employing one of its own clones... I dunno, I still don’t like Cosima much, and I HATE Delphine, and I don’t get why Cosima and Delphine are a thing (are we never going to address the fucking Leekie thing? Like how she was literally fucking Leekie? I’m going to bring it up every time...)--but there are isolated good moments I guess.

I can’t remember much about Rachel... did she want a kid? I feel like she does. Does she (actually) kidnap Kira at some point...? Or something?

And...Helena. I can’t keep all the Prolethians straight to be honest. I think I just assumed they were all kinda... the same. That’s how I remembered it. But I guess they had to switch out Tomas for... smarter, farmer!Tomas in order to explain why Helena wasn’t killing clones anymore and also to... broaden the Prolethian threat a little. Make them more interesting. Tomas wasn’t very imaginative. I’m not necessarily saying I find them interesting... but I do think Tomas had outlived his creepiness, so to speak.

I’m also having all these flashbacks to Gracie and her, like, whole-ass personal story line... Did she run away with one of the male clones? Mark?

Today’s excellent outfits: Sarah’s, Alison’s (at the graveyard), Delphine’s.

Next ep we finally get to Cal!! I admit Cal is the main thing I remember of this entire season... I love him so much. M A J O R step up from Paul. Also he and Donnie are the only valid clone love interests.

[mementotori]

I was tagged for a catch up by @orime-stories

You’re awesome and I love you <3

2020 was wild so y’all bear with me

Three Ships:

The most consistent ship I’ve been focusing on for the year has been with two OC’s that are in my own little side project I’ve been working on for YEARS now. With the quarantine and especially being a DM that’s had the opportunity to work on the world it’s given me a lot of time to work on them. I really love how they’re turning out so maybe one day you’ll all properly meet Poppy and Padraig.

As far as fandom is concerned? I’ve been playing Skyrim a lot lately but POE was more of a regular haunt for me during the year. I really love Watcher X Eder and I’ll happily die on that fucking hill. You’re gonna tell me that man doesn’t have feelings for the Watcher no matter their race of gender identity? Get out of here with that nonsense, Obsidian. I just think him and Faraligh are very soft together and I’ll ride that slowburn to the next game too gdi.

Nothing got to me more this year in the last couple months than Wayhaven. I adore Adam du Mortain X The Detective so much I swear I’d spend hours and hours replaying the game just to see different options with just that stuffy English bastard. I’ve gotten over the idea that self-insert's are inherently evil so naturally the Detective is a small part of my personality and when @mad-mod said Adam was my type THEY REALLY WEREN’T LYING.

Last songs listened to:

Spotify will tell you I’ve listened to a lot of video game music but it’s because I have specific playlists I put on during dnd or when I’m writing. It’s easier for me to write to things that don’t have lyrics, which is a big thing I’ve learned this past year despite how long I’ve been writing. My favorite playlist is actually one I made for the BBEG (who is also the Big Bad in my massive writing project that involved Poppy and Padraig). I love Ta’Vathi’s playlist so much, it’s the thing I’ve been listening to when I have to leave the house early in the morning to get hyped for work. A few favorites are “Mary on a Cross” and “Faith” by Ghost,  and obligatory Rammstein songs “Engel” and “ICH TU DIR WEH” among a few other bops.

Currently watching:

It’s been a weird time for TV shows for me tbqh. All the mental strain has been making trying new shows very lackluster so usually I throw on episodes of The Office or I’ll restart Critical Role from season 1 for background noise.

Currently reading:

I’ve been so bad about reading if I’m gonna be honest. I picked up a few books on Norse Mythology with the intention of spending more time studying to better my worship to the Gods but most times I’ll use the spare moments to get writing done.

How’s it going:

I think we can all agree that 2020 was the shittiest year out of a long run of bullfuckery. Not to say some good things haven’t happened, I’m grateful that I’ve had this spare time to work on my writing like how I’ve been wanting to. Ngl there was a long while I went completely dark because of some very personal things, and I’m still trying to get past it. I think every day it gets a little bit easier to handle and for that I’m blessed to have the people in my life that I do have. I feel my husband and I have been blessed with the fact that he does have a stable job despite C*vid and we’ve been relatively okay.

There was a point just a year or two ago where I decided to say “Fuck it”. I wasn’t going to bite my tongue anymore, I was going to say what was on my mind and learn to be okay with just being myself. I know I’m not as close as I used to be with some people, and maybe that’s the reason why, but that’s something I’m really okay with. 

After a few years of medical issues I finally got back into the job force, I take care of infants five days a week. On paper it’s a dream job, but I’m finding many of my coworkers to be a bit toxic so I’m doing my best to just be a good caregiver to the few babies I have. I really don’t think I could express properly how much I love them with my whole heart and soul, and I get very very irritated when something is done wrong. I feel I’ve been falling back into old habits of putting 120% into my job, even though I purposely took the part time position to try and cut down on that. I think I spend a good portion of every day just cleaning and sanitizing and it just gets to you after a while. 

I’ve been trying to better my mental health, I had never seen a therapist before in my life but I sure as fuck feel a lot better for having accomplished that. I had always been too stubborn to go, my problems were my own and I didn’t need someone else knowing my business. But there’s something freeing in a stranger telling you that your feelings and the way you handled things were completely valid.

Not every day is going to be a good one, and I’ve learned that’s okay. I really hope that this coming year is another one that I can spend on personal and professional growth. This is something I wish for all my friends, both in person and online. As the old adage goes: Do no harm, but take no shit.

I invite all of my mutuals to try this, even if you don’t post it in the end. It got weirdly more personal than I expected LMAO

[dedicatedfollower467]

DIRK’S PESTERQUEST ROUTE REACTIONS AS THEY HAPPEN

spoilers etc. yada yada yada i’ve been waiting for this for fucking EVER.

this is fucking massive, for the record.

“The one and only” lmao suuuuuuure whatever you say dirk.

i fucking adore his metal scuba suit though holy SHIT

“[talking in meatspace] isn’t exactly my forte” akdfsljkadsfhksadf you bet your ASS it isn’t mr. strider. (at this point i’m assuming this is actually hal, wouldn’t be the first time that we met “dirk” and it turned out to be hal)

the power of his own “voice” is almost too much for him MY CHILD.

OH HELLO HAL. GOOD TO SEE YOU USING YOUR USUAL RED. LOVE THE THEME MUSIC CHANGE TOO. IT’S GOOD MUSIC.

i fucking KNEW it i fucking knew that was hal lmao

so in that case HI DIRK HELLO MY ASSHOLE BABY CHILD.

“The use of the speaker system is new, but it makes sense he’d up his game for interfering with relationships I’m busy forging in 3D. I guess I should go ahead and be proud of him for it.” god i really wish dirk and hal could get along but they both hate themselves and therefore each other way too much for that...

“Every line of muscle in his body is held in excruciating placidity. You’ve never seen a jaw so purposefully unclenched” dIRK!!!!

“you’ll prove it to him with your deeds. it seems like that might be his love language” BOY FUCKING HOWDY IS IT. also how did i never put that together before ofc dirk’s love language is acts of service practically everything he does is an attempt to serve his friends in some capacity and he’s SO BAD at telling them with words.

(his secondary love language is gifts, evidence: brobot and detective pony)

god i’m so excited and so nervous lmao

i love this sprite with the verrrrrry slight smile he looks so sweet.

hell yes the fucking ROCKET BOARD.

“this is a much more comfortable thing for him than the conversation was” I’LL FUCKING BET IT IS.

“with Dirk it’s almost like he’d be less penetrable without [his shades]” oh well now THAT’S an interesting thought/observation.

holy shit that’s a cute fucking smile holy shit holy shit look at that grin AHHHH I’M DYING MY BOY IS SMILING.

“Not sure how well my deep, personal beef with the imagery of the sea will land for you, but there it is.” WELL THAT CERTAINLY MAKES THAT ONE LINE FROM HOMESTUCK 2 A LOT MORE EMOTIONAL, WHICH IT ALREADY DEFINITELY FUCKING WAS.

“Ace Attorney monologue” OMFG HAS DIRK PLAYED AA??? WHO’S HIS FAVORITE CHARACTER? WHAT’S HIS FAVORITE GAME?? i mean he’s definitely got the hair to be a fucking ace attorney character especially in pesterquest lmao

OH MY FUCKING GOD IS HE HOLDING BACK A LAUGH. IS THAT WHAT THAT MOUTH IS. HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I LOVE HIM. I LOVE THIS ALKJADSFLADHADS

“He’s leaning forward, laughing, dimples carved into his freckled cheeks. There’s a small twist in your heart about it, and you can’t place why.” A *SMALL* TWIST? A SMALL TWIST? TRY A TWIST THAT’S WRENCHING MY HEART WIDE FUCKING OPEN AND SPILLING ITS CONTENTS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE.

“At least make me try and earn it first.” THAT’S THE MOST DIRK THING I’VE EVER HEARD AND ALSO FUCKING HEARTBREAKING WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

“I can just fold [my hand] and hope your shit works out instead.” Ah yes, dirk’s incessant and almost pathological need to be in control at work again.

“I want to be the only one in charge of endangering my own life. You got me.” oh dirk. oh honey.

“How much has this boy wanted to be known?” oh okay yeah that’s fine i didn’t need my heart anyway pesterquest, you can have it.

oh. hi ultimate dirk. i fucking knew this was gonna fucking happen.

“i can’t believe i was ever this pathetic” LEAVE HIM ALONE. (but also i know you can’t because you fucking hate yourself and it’s fucking tragic)

OH. OH OKAY WE’RE NOT JUST GONNA BE FUCKING NARRATIVE WE’RE GONNA BRING THE ACTUAL FUCKING DUDE HERE.

AND WE’RE GONNA PLAY AN OMINOUS-ASS VERSION OF "BEATDOWN” HOLY SHIT. CHRIST CAN WE GET ANY MORE HEAVY HANDED HERE????

also holy shitting christ ultimate dirk is swole. ‘twink ass bitch’ my ass, he’s at least a twunk.

“You fuck off and let people live their arcs.” NO FUCKING WAY, NOT IF HIS IS GOING TO END UP AS YOU, DICKHEAD.

“Oh fuck.

You remember it.

You remember Homestuck.”

well, probably not all of it, it’s pretty goddamn long, and very hard to remember all the details. i should know, i’m currently re-reading it.

oh no.

oh no, this looks like regular dirk but ominous “beatdown” is playing which makes me very fucking nervous.

“You cared about him before you knew every tiny fucked up detail about his life, and now, with a reminder of where his story leads leaning smugly against the railing, you find you still do.” YOU BET YOUR FUCKING ASS I DO!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

“He’s intense and pushy and profoundly complicated, and right now he is helping you to your feet, his hand steady and firm on your back as you find your balance.” I’M CRYING.

“This isn’t as simple as an evil Dirk and a good one. If you’ve learned anything from your travels it’s that everyone has the capacity for hurt inside them, and everyone the capacity for love.” I’M STILL CRYING.

“The combo of all splinters of Dirk, fermenting in his flesh container and not holding onto his shit nearly as well as he likes to pretend” an apt and succinct description of ultimate dirk.

“No, I can see it. If anyone was going to pull off an “I’m you, but stronger,” it would be all of me, combined.” DIRK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

“Your allegiance is not to the story, but to the people within it.” A-FUCKING-MEN MSPAR!!!

“The ends always justifies the means, Dirk.” I feel like that’s the breaking point there. IDK what’s going to happen next but that line sure was a line about philosophy, aka one of Dirk’s biggest special interests.

“[Ultimate Dirk] doesn’t have to work overtime to create more pain just so he can feel like he’s in control of how much punishment he gets and how badly he deserves it!”

oh.

oh wow.

oh WOW that’s hitting it on the fucking nose, MSPAR.

“He’s going to drown in [longing and loathing and Ultimate Dirk] if you don’t do something” STOP COMING BACK TO THAT GODDAMN LINE PESTERQUEST YOU’RE FUCKING KILLING ME HERE.

“You know how he loves -- though it’s fierce (to a definite fault), he does not do it easily.” STOP MURDERING MY HEART WITH PERFECT SNAPSHOTS OF DIRK AS A PERSON EVERY TWO SECONDS MSPAR I CAN’T HANDLE IT.

AHHHHHHHH IT’S DAVE!!! IT’S FUCKING. CANDY DAVE. I JUST. I CANNOT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOLY SHIT!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!

“you look like someone ironed the mayor so that’s a million more points in your favor” DAAAAAAVE!!!!

“Dave pulls him into a short, back-thumping bro hug which Dirk weathers like a wet cat not trusting a towel to dry him off.” AAAAAHHHHHHHH I’M FUCKING DYING I’M DYING I’M DYING HELP I’M DYING GOD HELP HOLY SHIT, FIRST OF ALL, THE SPRITE/ILLUSTRATION, SECOND OF ALL, THAT DESCRIPTION OF DIRK, THIRD OF ALL I’M FUCKING DYING

CANDY DAVE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

you deserve so much better than the raw hand the candy epilogue dealt you jfc.

“Bringing fucking guns to a knife fight here.” I mean, did you really expect MSPAR to play fair when the health and happiness of all their best friends is at stake, UD?

SAD ENDING IS SAD.

“Be good to that me, will you? Treat him right?”

dirk, this is yourself. you’ve never treated yourself right. ever. tbqh you probably never will. ultimate dirk is absolutely no different.

(but also this makes me wonder if we’re gonna see “Trust yourself” timeline Pesterquest Dirk showing up in Homestuck 2? That would be fucking wild I’d love to see that.)

“are we anti-ocean here”

“Oh yeah, extremely.”

YES, WE FUCKING ARE, AND AGAIN WITH THE REFERENCES TO HOMESTUCK 2 JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

oh, of fucking course ultimate dirk’s a sore loser, he’s ultimate dirk, fucking duh.

“You did it. You got him a good end.” i fucking love that this game is literally just. explicitly saying exactly what i was freaking over and desperately wanted.

like i’m just gonna take a moment here to admit that i was really nervous that dirk would end up like candy timeline dirk and just off himself. i was really afraid that a good end just straight up wasn’t possible.

i love that it’s not. and i equally love that the game acknowledges that a FUCKTON of us really wanted to give him that.

“Maybe [Doc Scratch] and Ultimate Dirk were working together the whole time.” maybe doc scratch has been ultimate dirk this whole time. or vice versa.

“There are just so many details to remember” lmao i made that point like a dozen paragraphs up.

i.... do not recognize the text style of whoever just say “hey. we can talk about this.”

IT’S HUSSIE. HOLY SHIT. IT’S DEFINITELY 100% HUSSIE.

i....... don’t know who that is? the woman?

is this like. the person who’s been running pesterquest?

it totally is.

i don’t know who that is i don’t know enough about the homestuck machine to know who that actually is.

lmao ultimate dirk and the irl director are fighting over how incredibly self-indulgent this metanarrative is, which is fucking amazing. i kind of love this? i really kind of adore this.

i can’t help but notice that the director has blank white eyes.

i.e. the Author is already dead, yo.

“They’re just an artifact of the medium” HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS FANTASTIC. I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN HERE.

“I’d say thanks but I feel like you all got more out of it than me” I’M DYING I LOVE THIS HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY.

“Stop flirting with my audience you anime ass motherfucker” LMAOOOOOOOO

“I wouldn’t look like this if you didn’t want me to” I KNOW I’M JUST QUOTING BASICALLY THIS WHOLE THING BUT LISTEN I LOVE IT, I FUCKING LOVE IT, IT’S FUCKING PERFECT, GOD. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS IS SO GOOD.

“I actually let the artists have a lot of creative license” somebody’s horny for ultimate dirk.

eridan DESERVES that gender arc and i’m excited for him.

“Happy people don’t get stories told about them.” I’m sorry, I’ve read enough Domestic Fluff fanfic to tell you that’s just blatantly not true, Ultimate Dirk.

wait.

wait wait wait wait.

pesterquest is a RETCON???????????

THAT was not something i was expecting

you click “don’t” betray your friends and pesterquest just fucking closes like this is fucking undertale jesus fucking christ.

but....

i don’t wanna betray my friends.

but i wanna see what happens....

god dammit this is exactly like the murder run of undertale, i don’t wanna do it but i have to know.

“Andrew Hussie would never do this to me” yeah well, Andrew Hussie barely ever interacted with you soooooo...

and if i throw the beta in the sewer again pesterquest quits. again.

i mean, i knew it would but... *sigh*

that’s a fucking depressing ass ending.

... except that “Savior of the Waking World” still hasn’t been unlocked...

Huh.

I’m... gonna see what happens if I start John’s route over again.

oh duh, of course it’s a retcon, MSPAR touched the Homestuck juju. i forgot about that.

(a big part of me wants to look up the process of getting the true ending. but a bigger part of me wants to figure it out for myself.)

hmmm. okay so replaying john’s ending once didn’t do it.

i guess i coooooould try replaying the whole thing? that sounds. like a lot of effort.

or i could try not betraying my friends approximately five million times let’s see what happens if i do that.

i’m going to do that experimenting in another post cuz this is already huge. see ya in part two.

[freewheelshippin]

30 utapri questions!

Thanks @dekiaibadchoices​ for the tag, this was an awesome way to wind down after a ton of nonstop busy busy busy!!! (and thanks for tagging this blog vs the general utapri one so i can REALLY gush LOL) Here’s the OG meme! 

1. Your best boy?

BANANAMAN RAN WHO ELSE  

2. Your least favorite boy?

“least favorite” implies dislike which...not true! truthfully it’s much of HEAVENS by nature of ‘I haven’t spent as much time getting to know these characters so I don’t really know who they are.’ (though I already know I love to go for drinks and snacks with Van hehe) i do like all of HEAVENS quite a bit from what i’ve seen so far but that affection has not had time to ripen! 

3. A character that you never thought you would love as much as you do now?

mnmnj ranran tbh 

4. A character you can relate to in any way?

I can’t answer everything with Ranmaru but like. His ambition, straightforwardness, and how the soul and spirit of music motivate him to move forward beyond a tough past are things I same hat so much ;; But HONESTLY I also relate a lot to Masa and Tokiya, especially in their moments of self-doubt and dramatic commitment to to their art? 

5. A character that you think deserves more love?

Oh, Cecil, without a doubt. He’s such a resilient, committed, and open-hearted cutie and gets really shafted by canon tbh. Which makes it harder for everyone to see what a great boy this sweetie is! But I appreciate how Shining Live has given him some room to have really cute and standout moments so everyone can love him more but okay like, give me more Ceci and Ran palling around I love him most when they’re up to shenanigans 

6. A character you would want as your partner?

well we’re posting this fuckin here so you all fuckin know (im very embarrass rn i can barely say it lmao) 

(for the record i would also very much like to be friends with reiji and syo, they are cool people i think i’d get along with! and i know myself, if i knew otoya or masato IRL i’d just be like ‘well. that’s my son now’ and basically appoint myself their tough big sis-type-friend lookin out for them lol) 

7. A character you would want as your mentor/senpai?

I would swallow a pinecone before I called him ‘onii-san’ but teach me how to network kotobuki-senpai 

(No, like, forreal, I suck so, so bad at a ton of stuff Reiji is aces at, and I respect the hell out of his *waves* general everything and skilll navigating the industry. Since I’m a goofy, jokey, overenthusiastic teacher for work a lot it’d be nice to be on the receiving end of all that energy! and be a fucking decent kouhai that isn’t so horribly unappreciative of all his hard work and good cheer ) 

8. Your favorite ship?

shut your whore mouth i dont have the marbles to write it out 

(tbh it’s also Haru/Tomo, I just feel so much more romantic chemistry between those two than Haru and any of the boys u___u  Friends’ selfship stuff goes without saying, haha, and ngl I’m kind of About a Ren/Van rivalry hatemance? can i call it a kismesis thing? it’s a kismesis thing.) 

(actually no I think I’m just a member of the “Ren Fucks and sometimes it’s Hatesex” club) 

9. A character that you want to cosplay/have already cosplayed?

I had plans to cosplay Ranmaru a couple months ago bc it’s really not much of a stretch for my wardrobe, haha, but I dunno about that anymore! Part of it was wanting the Euphoria of looking like a tough, twunky, princely anime character but tbqh I’m already that every day of my life so 

I suppose if you were to pull my leg I’d go for cosplaying Van, mostly because I wanna try that mullet on for myself. 

10. Favorite side character?

TOMO!! LOVE U BITCH WHEN WILL I HEAR U SINGGGGGG 

11. Your favorite solo song?

god this is horrible how can I decide??? so many good ones??? I think it’s a draw between Top Star Revolution, No. 1, Brand New Melody, Wild Soul, Seien Brave Heart, and Junketsu Nara Ai ~Aspiration~ ??? 

12. Your favorite duet song?

HMMMMM again too many good ones. Three-way tie between Haru Hana, NorthWind and SunShine, and Original Resonance! 

13. Your favorite trio song?

Ahhh Dream More than Love is really nostalgic bc it’s the first Utapri song I really loved, but i gotta be real. It’s just Egoistic. There’s just no getting better than Egoistic 

14. Your favorite group song?

mmmm i’m be basic. Poison Kiss 

15. Your least favorite song?

I love Ai and Shouta Aoi’s incredible voice but......I’m really not a fan of super slow, overly-saccharine songs. u__u so A.I. really, really doesn’t land with me, much less so than easygoing (like Knocking on the Mind) or somber (like Winter Blossom) songs. 

16. Your favorite singer?

ranran...it’s always ranran...

(I do also adore Natsuki’s and Camus’s voices! I tend to like deeper, richer vocal qualities, but you just can’t beat Ranmaru’s subtle growls and high-energy rock!!!! <3) 

17. Your favorite group/trio/duo?

god what combo of these idiots DONT i love? I could watch Reiji prank and tease Ranmaru all fuckin day, and I also really like it when Ran’s at his most ‘tuff big bro-y’ with, like, Ai, Otoya, and Cecil!!! but honestly I do like how the Ran/Masa/Ren trio isn’t so straightforward and is more or less held together by a thin string of professionalism, there’s something i appreciate about not forcing ppl to just bury the hatchet and be Perfect Friends but you all can still care about each other? (Ranmaru needs to be nicer to them still but...) 

i need to suggest one that isn’t ranmaru centric fjdsioafjsa i fuckin love Soccer Buds (otosyo) and I loooooove it when Otoya and Cecil are good to each other!!! 

18. Your favorite member of Starish?

they’re all my favorite but if you REALLY had to make me pick.....Masato, probably, haha. I just...if you take yourself too seriously and care so much about everything but still know how to be Nasty how can I not love you??? 

19. Your favorite member of Quartet Night?

what do you fuckin think, hoss 

20. Your favorite member of Heavens?

I mentioned earlier I don’t really know Heavens well, so ofc this is all liable to change! But off the bat I love what a conniving yet wholesome bastard Eiichi is and Van is just the kinda guy I would rib and pal around with IRL!! 

21. Your favorite seiyuu/voice actor?

Ahhh that’s tough! I love all these goofbags, and Tattsun really is just so cool and makes music I’m pretty about. But I think I gotta give it to Suwabe, his performances are always so him but still pretty varied, and how can you not adore a man who loves his chihuahuas that much??? 

(if i’m being 100% honest Tattsun lost points bc he voices my absolute least favorite character in granblue ffjsfjisda) 

22. Favorite Drama CD?

HMMMMMMM see as a certified Giant Tool for Everything Mecha and silly and extra, I enjoyed the hell out of Polaris, but it really suffers from a lack of Ranmaru in my humble fuckin opinion lmao. So even though I’m not one for pirate stuff most of the time, I gotta give it to Pirates of the Frontier!! I really loved Ranmaru and Otoya’s dynamic in that one, and Camus was juuuuust the right amount of shitheel, too. 

I haven’t heard the whole thing but that thing from Egoistic where Natsuki squeezes Ranmaru to death and Eiichi’s just like ‘WUAHAHAHAHAH’ is also the mcfuckin best. 

23. Your favorite shining live card?

CAN’T PICK 

HOW COULD I POSSIBLY PICK?????????? LIKE??? I love the fucking dumb, dumb, dumb ostentatiousness of Evil Villains, I LOVE a good heel, and I also worked so so hard to t1 that event and had a lot of fun doing it!! But also, I just love his big smile and all the energy and mixed prints from Fortune and Prosperity, and it was literally the first time I ever got the exact card I was rolling for in a gacha on the last pull I had left!! (He also came home during a time I was really going through some shit, and ngl it rescued me a little bit!) but AHHHH Soulful Bass also came out right around my birthday, I love all the textures in the outfit and it’s generally the most My Aesthetique thing Utapri has ever released!!! And god, I just love it when he’s so confident and in his element like this, it sets me on FIRE to see him light up the stage wurghjgfj ;___; They all make me just want to HUG SO MUCH ARGGHHHHH 

24. Your favorite song beatmap?

Ahhh I think Shining Live really has great beatmaps across the board so that’s a tough pick! Almost all of them are super fun in their own way, but I think I gotta hand it to Wild Soul, Top Star Revolution, and Innocent Wind! 

25. Your least favorite song beatmap?

A.I. u__u Sorry, Ai...it’s just not fun for me.

26. Black Deja Vu or White Gravity?

Actually I’m really glad for this question bc I’ve been so busy lately I hadn’t given myself the time to really check them out! checking ......... 

and yep. Black Deja Vu. (I mean...Ranmaru is on it, haha.) But I’m so about this. Love this heavier sound and all these harmonies, this is so juicy. (White Gravity also absolutely kicks ass though!! I’m really liking that voice group, it’s making especially good use of those higher registers!) 

27. Utapri merch that you own/want?

Honestly I don’t have much u__u Not a lot of Utapri merch is my thing...you know? I’m mostly shopping for Ran merch if I’m getting any, but I’m very picky about how he gets drawn? Keeping his toughness and a particular clothing style about him is so essential, haha, and barely anything hits that sweet spot for me. But I will say I adored the whole ‘My Favorite Things’ series, and if I had the budget and space atm I’d love to get some of the Ran goodies from that line! 

28. How did you get into Utapri?

I first heard about it through some acquaintances from cosplay before Quartet Night was a thing. It didn’t appeal enough to my heavy metal ass to make me drop everything and try it, but I did have an interest in it I couldn’t explain and I’d always intended on trying it out. (especially after I got into Love Live and idol anime for a bit.) But it was Shining Live that got me! And I really only downloaded Shining Live because I was super exhausted after a business trip, didn’t want to leave bed once I got back home, and just wanted to sink my teeth in something new I could enjoy for hours while lying down, haha.  

29. A set theme in shining live that you want to see in the future?

This will surprise nobody, but something tougher. More rock, more punk, more metal. I want all of them in studs and spikes and leather, and I want less polish. More rough! 

I’d also love a wrestler set complete with who’s-a-heel-who’s-a-face but that’s a pipe dream and a half, lmao. 

30. Why do you love your best boy?

Oh boy. 

I think he’s this powerhouse of a human bean who can face a ton of pain and meet it with a big middle finger. And that middle finger is chasing after ambitious dreams, of spreading the power and soul of the same music that made me who I am and influences so much of my work, but also being ... you know, smart about it? He’s an idol because like, sure, maybe it’s not the OG dream, but you can’t dream if you’re dead, and you also deserve to give yourself a life and platform to share some of who you are, and you can do a lot of good with that, too. (And I won’t lie, I respect the drama of a man who takes his hair that seriously and commits so hard to the aesthetic he wears fuckin mismatched contacts i just. charm point ) 

But at the same time....I don’t know, this might sound presumptuous, but. I think. I just think he’d think I’m as neat as I think he is. I’m an ambitious, passionate person, too, and I also furiously stick to my ideals, and I also love the same kind of soul of music he does. I lean a little more metal than I do rock, but I think that’s nice, like sharing it has that ‘alike but different’ kind of familiarity and novelty all at once. Sometimes it’s tough sharing just how deeply rock and metal have sculpted me and my artwork (and therefore my career), bc it’s so deeply personal to me, and sometimes there’s weird elitism/misogyny/racism to deal with, too. But. The way he talks about rock, the way he describes the passion and how it transcends identity and is just a pure rush of power and sharing your feelings..................it just feels like he Gets it the same way I do. Just that unspoken, burning passion and understanding. I know it sounds weird to feel that strongly over just a music genre, but I just vibe with how to him, it really isn’t ‘just’ a music genre. I feel more accepting of myself for it, and I’d like to think he’d be real proud of himself for that.  

And listen, like....I’m very sentimental, but I really don’t like saccharine, flowery, romantic kinds of affection to be lavished on me. Just be straightforward but also a little tsun about it fjdsjfas and ..... those are the kind of feelings I can accept. And that’s the way Ranmaru is, and it’s also grounded in the kind of reality that I don’t like to be swept away from. He’s just so cool and hardworking and unwavering in his passion, it makes it easier for me to do the same despite all the bumps in the road. This got real long but Ran’s a cool dude, haha, I got a lot of positives to say. 

Anyways, I never tag folks for these things, but I love seeing everyone’s answers! If you see this and wanna fill it, feel free to count this as a tag from me :) I know this got real long, but with 30 questions how could it not haha? Thanks for reading and sticking around! 

[bthump]

Thx 4 your compelling answer! You made me curious about what do you think Guts and Griffith would be like as a couple, how do you imagine their dynamic would develop and grow. Not super chill I agree lmao but it's very interesting given their respective baggages. And kind of unrelated but I was soo mad that Casca insisted Guts to leave the 2nd time even when Guts was like: HEY I WANNA STAY FOR REAL. But Griffith never knew that. Hurts but that's the kind of element that makes for a great tragedy

ikr! Man that scene where Griffith overhears them is so painful. Like it makes sense that Casca would tell Guts to leave imo for a few reasons (mainly because Guts successfully convinced her after they had sex that it was what he ~really truly wanted~ lol, and also I think there’s some interesting selfishness on her part there too) but man, it’s tragic.

Anyway back at you, thanks for the interesting questions. lol idk where to start with this one really because like, there’s so much to potentially say, and so many potential ways for their relationship to go, like I don’t really have One True Concept of their relationship, there are so many possibilities and options.

Holy shit this got ridiculously long lol, sorry. I just used the opportunity to throw out like as many of my griffguts opinions as I could reasonably fit lmao.

I guess there are a few things that I tend to stick to when I’m imagining them together in like a Golden Age AU where everything worked out, tho ofc none of this is set in stone.

Like, if this is an AU without the whole overheard Promrose Hall speech that changes everything, I tend to think Guts is more likely to make the first move. Like say Guts didn’t hear the speech but still fell off the cliff with Casca and got her monologue, and without his feelings of inadequacy clouding his understanding he actually starts to get it, like, I pretty much think Guts would’ve kissed him during Tombstone of Flame 2. Griffith being openly afraid of Guts’ judgement -> Guts impulsively demonstrating exactly how he really feels about him.

But also just in general I think Guts is more likely to act on his feelings without thinking about potential consequences or how it could’ve gone wrong until afterwards, so I can imagine a lot of scenarios where he’d make the first move. Whereas even if Griffith did figure out how he feels and what he wants, it’s harder for me to see him going for it. On the one hand yeah he does have that “I must obtain what I desire” attitude, on the other hand what he wants is for Guts to love and want him, and he’d know that, and he’d know that kissing Guts is not necessarily going to get him that, and might end up ruining everything he does have.

Like, dude has a major fear of rejection.

But I guess I could see him also impulsively going for it in a more extreme moment - like the way his mind shuts off and he runs to save Guts from Zodd, I could imagine a thank god you’re alive type kiss, eg. But imo he’d need more of a push than Guts would.

And yeah I think both of their respective traumas would affect things, but I’d prefer to delay that a bit? I want them to have a good positive sexual encounter before they start sorting through all their issues together, basically so they have proof that it’s worth persisting lol, and I think that’s pretty easy to manage. Like, they start making out and end up jerking each other off and no one has any flashbacks, easy peasy.

I could see them getting past a bad first time, but it wouldn’t be easy lol. Like first off they’re both overly likely to take it as a personal condemnation, even if logically that’s not how trauma works, because they both hate themselves, and they both canonically have a fear of being monstrous/predatory. Griffith asking if Guts thinks he’s cruel and tbqh most of his speech to the King in the dungeon is indicative of this imo, and Guts seeing himself as a monster after killing Adonis and also in canon flashbacking from his rapist’s perspective.

And yk, if they do start having sex without immediate issues, I imagine the first problem that would come up sooner rather than later would be Guts flashbacking. I tend to assume he would be upfront about not wanting to get fucked without saying why, and Griffith would be fine with that, and then Guts would still eventually have a flashback while topping and it would take him by surprise like in canon. I could see Guts reacting basically the exact same way he did with Casca, rambly confessional and all, and I think Griffith would be supportive and comforting and understanding in the immediate aftermath. Hopefully Guts would make it very clear that it had nothing to do with anything Griffith did or anything about him and he still wants to get laid on the regular, because otherwise I could see something stupid happening afterwards like Griffith withdrawing out of fear of his potential to Guts and Guts blaming himself for making things weird and neither of them talking about it until something gives.

Anyway if they do successfully navigate that, the next problem would be more insidious, and it would be Griffith, and the way he views sex as transactional. Like when I say Griffith would be fine with never topping, I think that holds true entirely regardless of what Griffith might actually want personally from a sexual encounter. He’d let Guts fuck him even if he hated it, because what he wants is the emotional closeness and Guts needing him and wanting him. I think he actually would want sex with Guts for its own sake and enjoy it, like he’s attracted to Guts and he wants him and I def don’t think he would hate it in any way. Buuut I see him as very detached from his own physical desires, yk? Dude has never had sex because he wanted to have sex, even the evil personification of his inner darkness didn’t lol.

And along with that you could have the additional problem of enjoying sex with a man being another potential source of self-loathing for him. I’m thinking because of ‘am I dirty?” in the river, and again the scene in the dungeon w/ the King lends itself to this really well too. Like it’s so easy to read internalized homophobia into his narrative imo, even the entire structure of it, with Charlotte and the dream on one side and Guts on the other.

And basically I think those issues would combine to make him see sex as something he gives in return for Guts’ love/loyalty/presence, and avoid seeing it as something he personally wants. So like basically I think in a way he’d use that transactional framework as a justification for doing something he really really wants to do (sex with Guts) but that he doesn’t want to acknowledge he wants because it makes him hate himself because a) internalized homophobia and also b) deep down he knows he wants Guts more than the dream which also makes him feel guilty.

Also like, when it comes to Griffith and his issues I don’t think any of this is required, like canonically we know Guts’ csa trauma affects him but we don’t really know how Griffith’s csa trauma affects him. I wouldn’t see it as out of character if he was ultimately fine with his desire for Guts and doesn’t contribute any issues to the griffguts sex life. But it’s really really easy to see how he could have a metric ton of issues with sex to work through, and I think those would be really interesting to explore, basically.

Plus I don’t necessarily think this would actually… matter? Like I could easily see Griffith never giving Guts any cause for concern, they never talk about this, Griffith himself barely notices that he’s got a messed up attitude towards sex, and eventually he just internally works through it himself as his relationship with Guts progresses and he gets more comfortable with wanting Guts and wanting sex for its own sake and he achieves his dream regardless of his emotional priorities, etc. Like this could all easily work itself out in Griffith’s subconscious without any external drama lol. (Tho if Guts ever picked up on this it would def fuck him up and the fallout would be big.)

ANYWAY so that’s all the trauma stuff I could see influencing their relationship.

Overall I think there’d be way more good than bad. They’re perfect for each other. Griffith wants Guts to know him and see all the stuff he hates about himself and want him anyway, and Guts would absolutely do that, and demonstrate it thoroughly, and it would do wonders for Griffith’s self-acceptance. Guts wants Griffith to pay attention to him, to love him and respect him and look at him, and being in a relationship with him would give him everything he wants. The way Griffith looks at him after they kiss or while they’re fucking or whatever, like he’s the only thing in the world, would be the highlight of Guts’ life. Guts fucking Griffith like he needs him, or making love to him with reverence, or demonstrating casual closeness and affection, would be the highlight of Griffith’s.

I think Charlotte and the dream would be a bit of an issue for Guts, like I could see him being jealous, but I could also see him being totally able to see Charlotte as business and himself as the person Griffith wants. The fact that they’re fucking behind Charlotte’s back would itself be probably enough proof of how much Griffith wants him and is willing to risk for him to make Guts feel secure. Like basically I could see jealous insecure Guts telling Griffith they should break it off because the risk to his dream is too much and Griffith refusing out of hand, and that being a big moment for Guts and his feelings of security in their relationship.

Eventually I think the most satisfying direction their relationship could go would be Griffith decisively choosing Guts over the dream and having grown enough in their years together that he’s able to live with that choice and be happy with Guts instead of a big exaggerated dream lol. As far as I’m concerned that’s the secret Berserk happy ending that they never got a chance to get to, but is wholly telegraphed by the story as something that could’ve happened if everything hadn’t gone wrong.

Hmm what else. Random details I guess: I think they’d start out with Guts exclusively topping when they have penetrative sex but Guts would absolutely eventually want Griffith to fuck him imo, and their first time switching it up would be pretty emotionally intense but extremely good and positive. They’d be really close and trusting and more effectively communicative by then, and it would work great and Guts would bask in the attention as Griffith v thoroughly makes love to him.

Also when Griffith achieves his dream and runs Midland they would both be extremely into Guts getting a little possessive and staking his claim on him, like by fucking him hard enough that he can feel it throughout the next day, or scratches/bruises under clothes, etc. Nothing super kinky, I think they’re both pretty vanilla lol, but Guts would love knowing Griffith is being constantly reminded of him while he’s at meetings with nobles or w/e and Griffith would love that lingering reminder.

I think at some point early on they’d have to have a talk in which Guts asserts that he wants to stay with Griffith and the Hawks and doesn’t feel obligated because he lost a fight when they were 15. I could see that thought eating away at Griffith for a while if they don’t. Also because the question of whether they’re equals or not is kind of hammered in in canon I think they’d have to navigate around Griffith technically being Guts’ commander. I don’t think Guts would think twice about it (again assuming he hasn’t heard the Promrose Hall speech) but Griffith would worry, especially given exchanges like “that’s why I’m asking you to do this” “just order me to do it” lol. So they’d have to at least talk about that.

Or conversely they could not talk about Guts potentially feeling obligated and it could blow up in their faces and lead to miscommunication drama. I mean there are so many potential ways they could fuck things up by not talking and assuming the worst at the first sign of an issue lmao, it’s like, you want relationship drama just take your pick.

Also relatedly, I think this is a little bit of an unpopular opinion, at least judging by most of the griffguts fic I’ve read lol, but I really don’t see Griffith as likely to behave possessively at all, unless he thinks Guts is about to leave him and is like next to having a breakdown about it, and even then… idk. I think the second duel was extremely atypical - Griffith defaulted to trying to fight Guts for his loyalty because that’s how he won his loyalty the first time and it was the only way Griffith saw to keep his loyalty, he was extremely out of his depth emotionally lol, and I think there’s some big indications that he hated himself for it afterwards.

He wants Guts to want him, to choose to be with him of his own desire, he wants Guts to love him. I think he would abhor the thought that Guts was obligated to stay with him in any way, and any indications of that would freak him out and add to his self loathing. So he wouldn’t tell Guts “you’re mine” as part of sexy foreplay or whatever, and he wouldn’t order him to do shit lol (along with this like I don’t think Griff is dominant at all, and trying to be with someone he loves would fuck him up).

I think the biggest problem for both of them would be a tendency to assume the worst and just blame themselves for whatever instead of talking. But I also think the longer they’re in a relationship the better they’ll get at not doing that and at constructive positive communication lol.

Like at the end of the day again I think there’d be way more positives than negatives. We’re shown how perfectly they fulfill each others’ needs. Guts wants attention, Griffith wants acceptance, they both want to be loved, and before the misunderstandings get in the way and fuck it all up their relationship benefits both and starts helping both heal emotionally. If they stayed together and added romance and sex to the mix I think overall they’d be pretty ideal partners.

Ooookay I think I’ve talked more than enough about this lmao. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to just ramble for ages about a bunch of griffguts stuff. Honestly if anyone reads through this to the end I’ll be slightly surprised lol.

[philomaela]

I thought TROS was gonna be bad, but it wasn’t bad imo, it was just mediocre and kind of blah. It had a pretty even mix of good ideas and bad ideas and they just kind of canceled each other out. In fact I would argue the film had too many ideas and so it never gave us a chance to breathe... and so in the end... the whole wasn’t as great as the sum of it’s parts, you know?

This is gonna be spoiler-heavy and super long (and not in any sort of comprehensible order) lmao, so it’s under a cut

You bring back Palpatine in the OPENING CRAWL???? Movie, this is how you know you’ve got too many plot points.

“this person’s dead” “SURPRISE! They’re not” might work the first 5 times you do it in your movie... but after that it gets a bit old.

I think it was truly a lot of fun to see Finn, Poe and Rey all hang out together, however... Finn and Poe didn’t really have their own arcs... which I dislike. I mean... this film went all in on the Rey and Kylo as the dual protagonist and it’s crammed so full of stuff... there’s no time I guess... still though.

Hux being the spy because he needs Kylo to lose, ok that is actually brilliant and hilarious. Well done!

Rey Palpatine... is better than Rey Skywalker, I suppose... in pointing out that you’re not defined by your blood. But the message of TLJ was a very specific one that I think was better suited to Star Wars on a meta-level, the force (good or bad) can come from anyone. It was about going from a monarchy to a democracy, you know? The message that you are not defined by the evils of your ancestors is still a valid message of course, but it feels... less specific to Star Wars.

I’m actually being too harsh on the themes of Rey Palpatine, who cares if it’s not meta.... it’s still a good message! The real issue was that it wasn’t really hinted at at all and it was super rushed and clunky.

Lando was fun! All the old crew’s moments were good, I think.

I’m so sorry, but I think I went into sensory overload or something with this movie. It was just so much happening all at once... and tbh,.. I didn’t see that many moments that were truly visually interesting. There was something interesting in the fight between Kylo and Rey among the stormy seas and also the force-call lightsaber fight earlier on... but, it was just hard bc the movie was always going.

I have a hard time with Kylo/Ben’s turn back to good. It just felt like... they didn’t do enough work for it in the film tbh. I mean, after he turns his actions mostly make sense, so I think if they had just put a little more effort into his arc leading up to the moment with Leia and his conversation with his dad, then I might have felt it more. They gave him so much screen time, but it didn’t really connect with me.

The kiss between Kylo/Ben and Rey... remember when JJ said that Finn and Poe have a relationship that’s much deeper than a romance? I wish that had applied to Kylo/Ben and Rey instead, tbqh. We haven’t had enough time to get to know Ben or to see Ben and Rey together for me to feel invested in seeing them together romantically. So instead, to me it came off quite forced and cliche.

I really enjoyed Jhanna as a character, but the odds of us getting a film of her and Lando are very slim so fuck this movie for teasing it. It was so rude, honestly.

That hug between Rey, Finn and Poe at the end was so lovely and sweet. Rey has found herself a family! Honestly, I think that might’ve worked better thematically with Rey “nobody” but it still works! And it was so emotionally satisfying.

The final ending scene was fine imo? I was surprised when I realized that was the ending people were complaining about. I don’t think Rey is staying there forever alone, she just went there to bury the lightsaber. We know she’s not alone forever, otherwise what would be the point of showing her reuniting with Finn and Poe. It was just a poetic bookend, Rey returned to bury the lightsabers (war, I guess?) but to carry on the Skywalker name, with the twin suns in front of her.

That’s what I mean when I say the ending is fine imo, like Ben dying to save Rey (ignoring the kiss bc I don’t think they had enough time to get me onboard), the reunion of the trio and burying the lightsabers... that all worked in isolation. But the run up to it was just so exhausting. And it didn’t feel totally earned by the movie.

Oh and um, last but not least... look, I love Rose Tico so much, but I get that she is a controversial character, I get it. I also get that it’s difficult because she’s controversial for multiple reasons. But, I don’t think anything is gained by cutting down her role so much that she gets less screen time than rebel leader #3. You’re neither addressing any of the complaints about her characterization nor are you refuting the racist and sexist parts of the backlash.

Also I really, really wish we had seen Rose hugging Finn at the end. It was wonderful to see the trio, but even Poe had a moment with Zorii (which maybe have been to hammer in that he’s straight... I’m just realizing) so it wouldn’t have been out of place. I’m not saying Finn and Rose hugging would have to overshadow the trio, I get that they have the final moments. I just thought it would have been nice... oh well.

I feel like this was mainly complaints, but there were a good number of things I enjoyed in the film! I just feel like they got overwhelmed by everything going on. Again, the whole wasn’t greater than the sum of the parts.

[nightmaresindreamland]

current wishlist for interactions / relationships with nightmare

nightmare gets a friend

nightmare gets a friend who manipulates the shit out of him for personal gain

nightmare becomes friends with someone who gives him tough love and tells him to stop being evil but somehow they get dragged into his ridiculously stupid schemes anyways

someone sits nightmare down and scolds him verbally for being an asshole and he’s trying to defend his actions with really shitty excuses and all around it’s just funny

nightmare going out to attack someone but it ends up being a trap and he either gets his shit kicked in, captured, or both for whatever reason.

nightmare getting a taste of his own medicine just in general tbqh 

quiet moment wherein nightmare’s like, not being a jerkass for once around someone he trusts. like. domestic quietness.

i live for domestic moments with this guy, they are by far the sweetest things and the things i will remember most out of any rp with him. please i need more domestic stuff

touche.. hand

someone grabbing nightmare by the horn and dragging him around while scolding him for being a stupid evil bastard

interaction with someone who has electricity powers that fights him and / or befriends him and they find out his uh.. fear of electricity and react accordingly

someone being really nice and pleasant to nightmare, making him freak the fuck out and violently threaten them

nightmare protects someone even though he’s getting hurt by doing so

bonus points if that person he’s protecting is someone he hates and wants to kill, but he’s protecting them because one of his friends likes that person therefore he has to be nice to them and make sure they dont die AAUUGHHH

someone grabbing injured nightmare’s chin to force him to look up at them and he’s too weak to fight so once they let go of him he collapses

nightmare getting a friend who’s a hero / morally light person and they just see him as a doofy idiot who’s all bark no bite despite how much he (offscreen) proves otherwise

someone casts ‘go to sleep’ on nightmare and he does

slightly nightmare scared interactions where he’s pissy and confused.........

nightmare just hanging out with someone. and it’s nice. and nothing aside from goofs and idiot gaffs happen

tocuhe... hand.. tender moment...

tender moment tender moment

some sort of after-battle interaction where it’s tender and quiet.. recovery.. like he’s still trying to push himself to go fight but he’s injured and like someone makes him stay until he’s better

hug........ hug hug hug uhguhguhgh

hug . hug and touch ahnddghg 

ESPECIALLY if injured

show........ concenrhgh NGHHG

touch

nightmare getting framed for an evil action he didn’t do, but he happily says he did it then gets his shit kicked in because he says he did it 

please some nice. even if it’s manipulative niice just please. nice. absolute nice. just some nice.

[janiedean]

Why do you think the SW fandom is so knee-deep in SJ Calvinism? Because I understand wanting representation or being upset because a movie didn’t fulfill your expectations, but the “if you don’t ship X you’re racist” “if you don’t stan Y you’re bigoted” and the harassment over a disappointing movie is surprising just because of how pervasive it is. I was trying to find some St*rmpilot blogs to follow and the amount of hate is Yikes, especially the hate for Rose and the stans of a Certain Ship

eeeeeeh I think it’s because ep. 7 came out at the height of the... well, reaping the seeds the social justice calvinism had sown since 2014 so to speak? I mean, SW is hardly the one fandom where it happened (*cough* voltron and SU *cough*) but as SW is way broader in audience than those other shows that certainly didn’t help, but like, if you think on it, since 2013-ish (but I think before as well, I mean, I’ve been here since 2011 and already when I got here I felt like something was going very wrong when it came to politics-in-fandom-attitude), basically people on tumblr have progressively, when it came to fandoms:

pushed the idea that you have to over-analyze everything you consume through political lens;

pushed the idea that what you like and how you like it also has to be pushed through political lens and what you like says things about who you are as a person or your political leanings;

pushed the idea that if you care for something *problematic* just because you like it you’re excusing it;

pushed the idea that if you were problematic once you can’t ever not be problematic, you can’t change your mind and you can’t learn also because ‘it’s not my job to educate you’ so people either learn themselves or idek what but again, calvinism.

now obviously those politics are tumblr-politics which are also US centric like woah and are also high-school petty like woah, and since more or less then people have:

continuously other-ed lgbt people from *straight*/heterosexual people pushing a narrative where straight = bad and therefore putting it before anything automatically makes it a valid insult which added to the above means that if you ship het you’re already problematic regardless of whether you’re straight or not (and if you are.. lol);

pushed the performative feminism of Doom TM that says men and women should be equal but is like, an excuse to shit on men and on women who like men (see the rampant biphobia around and the whole ‘straight girls are so stupid if they’re into men they should try women’ discourse);

pushed the US terminology when it comes to the POC discourse, in the sense that everything works on the US-centered context where white people = white anglosaxon protestant, poc = everything else without realizing that in the rest of the world white does not equal wasp, that poc = black people only in most of europe (and no one who’s actually black or not white who lives in africa or asia and so on would describe themselves as poc because why the hell would you when your skin color/ethinicity is the norm where you live?), which also goes with the whole white passing debate which where I live would not exist but in that context is a mess because again, oscar i*saac is schroedinger’s poc (as in, he’s poc automatically for american standards because he’s latin-american but like he has the same skin tone as my mother and my mother in italy is white same as 90% of us, which means endless confusion) and assumed that all of us have to accept that terminology/context regardless of whether it’s valid in our countries;

kept on progressively putting minorities against each other in an endless loop of WHO HAS IT WORST/oppression olympics;

kept on progressively split hairs on issues that aren’t exactly, like, that important if there’s more urgent stuff to deal with because 90% of the activism here is performative;

made the 180° turn for which headcanons and shit are seen as, like, doing representation instead of, you know, supporting what rep is there never mind when people decide *one* ship is the right one and if another is canonized and it’s rep it gets thoroughly ignored;

pushed on a mindset for which if something isn’t perfect at the get-go then it’s canceled.

and so on.

like, all of that shit has been continuously not criticized because criticizing it especially if you don’t belong to a minority means that you’re out of line/discussing things that don’t concern you, but if you’re a minority and you criticize it then it’s suddenly YOU BETRAYED OUR CAUSE *INSERT SLUR HERE ABOUT PANDERING TO THE MAJORITY*, and the result exploded in toxic af fandoms, but like... if you look at the issues of the SW sequel trilogy fandom it’s all of that in a nutshell because:

k/ylo ren is automatically the worst because he’s white (horrible), a man (even worse), not canonically attractive (I didn’t touch on that topic bc I’m honestly not up for it mentally but lmao that counts too) and presumably heterosexual (or well, no one said he’s not but you know, since he’s a white dude on the bad side [supposedly] then we don’t give him the benefit of the doubt that he might be bi), so if you like ky/lo ren or relate to him you’re automatically problematic;

shipping re/ylo because automatically problematic because it’s a *straight* (evil) ship made of two white people (when there’s options to ship them both with people that aren’t white, so IT’S RACIST), they have an age gap (BAD BECAUSE POWER IMBALANCE) and it’s enemies to lovers, so it’s a context where people who don’t conceive redemption or that people can become better are basically crying problematic all the time, and the fact that people decided it’s *abusive* when it has like nothing that can equate it to a really abusive relationship says all;

ky/lux being the most popular slash ship immediately means that it’s the fault of the horrible straight (white) women fetishizing the (white) men on the dark side (when it’s most likely because for a while ky/lux was literally the only side of that fandom where people were chill/there wasn’t wank every other moment);

st/ormpilot has been declared The Right Ship because it’s two non-white men and it’s not straight which automatically turns into what I said before about hating other ships that would be rep anyway and feeds into the lowkey oppression olympics racism, because like if finn/rose becomes canon it’s still a mixed/biracial ship because he’s black and she’s asian....... except that it’s not the right ship for people who decided that finn has to be either with rey or poe (and guess what rey is white and poe is... schroedinger’s poc because oscar isaac in europe wouldn’t pass for *poc*), which to me has stank of lowkey racism since tlj came out because sorry but if ‘finn deserves better than rose’ or ‘finn should be with rey because if he doesn’t get rey then it’s unfair’ and the various other bullshit I read on the topic basically says that the white woman is *worthier* than the asian woman or that rose is a downgrade from rey which is fucking bullshit, rose isn’t even a bad character all the contrary. and that’s for the het side of it, but like then it’s not as good as stormpilot because it’s a straight ship (NOOOO THEY MADE FINN STRAIGHT/THEY’RE NOT MAKING THEM GAY THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT = stuff I legit saw on the tag) and ngl I’m 100% sure that the fact that daisy is Standard Attractive and kelly marie t/ran is lovely but doesn't conform to the usual beauty standard western-viewers apply on asian women did play a role in there, but: what did I say before? the slash ship is automatically better than the het ship never mind that they’re both biracial and rose is actually a rep (asian girls who don’t adhere to stereotypical body shapes - and like, the rep for all body types and shapes should be valid for all women, not just white) that isn’t exactly popular especially in mainstream cinema, so people should be happy.... but since rose is Not A Dude and Not Rey and Not The Right Kind Of Representation For That Crowd, automatically rose is a shit character and deserves to be viciously hated on. and this is a thing done by people who most likely then turn on the other side and talk shit about horrible straight women who hate the only female character for getting in the way of their slash ship without realizing that their rose hate is exactly that. and of course since sto/rmpilot is the two good guys, if you ship that then you also have to hate re/ylo because how can you, a person who ships The Good Ship On The Light Side, support such a problematic enemies to lovers thing? yeah, right, hahaha.

this also tbqh also pairs up with how on tumblr people only recognize mental health issues/abuse victims when the narrative suits them - like, being a bad victim automatically means you lose sympathy and mental health issues are only valid if you aren’t ***privileged*** otherwise why would you have them, which shows transparently in how a lot of people absolutely deny that ky/lo ren is a) an abuse victim, b) obviously mentally ill however it is that he deals with it, but no, he has to be The Most Horrible In Existence Because Otherwise We Should Have Empathy For A Bad Guy Who Also Might Get Redeemed And Redemption Is Not Happening Ever Because Bad People Don’t Deserve it.

like, all of the issues sw sequel trilogy has when it comes to the fandom are direct consequences of the nonsensical social justice calvinism climate on tumblr dot com that no one took care to put a stop to since 2013 and of its ridiculous oppression olympics and pitting people against each other and that was my take. cheers.

(ps: I also ship sto/rmpilot like woah and it’s my otp but there’s a reason why I unfollowed most SP blogs I followed and why I don’t go into the tag anymore - I’m not here for the anti-rose racism dressed up as performative wokeness, I’m not here to get lectured about as a white person I fetishize poc gay men if I ship it - yes I read that too - and I’m not here to read a bunch of meta about how re/ylo is a bad ship and blah blah blah, so yeah. I feel you.) (pps: ky/lo ren isn’t even my favorite character and I care relatively but gdi the way the fandom approaches him is honestly mindboggling in that sense, and I don’t mean people who actually dislike him because fair reasons, I mean people who can’t recognize his abuse victim status and the precarious status of his mental health. like, not all abuse victims and mentally ill people are the right victim or come from the right background and you can be cool motive still murder and still recognize that he’s like that because he has issues, not because he was drawn that way. /bye)

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part last)

I said I’d finish this book before it had been out for a full year, and that’s the 14th, iirc, so I have tonight and tomorrow, but I will finish this book tonight if it kills me, I s2g, I’m ready to be done.

Part 13 encompasses pages 1054-1233 (previous parts)

WE ARE SO CLOSE, GUYS

OH, I wanted to talk a lil bit about the end of part 4, now that I’ve had a sleep and some time to think about it. I still don’t really like it, but I think I can better articulate why.

I feel like a LOT of it is personal preference for Really Not Liking It when my Heroes Turn Out to Have Been Bad Guys All Along. that’s. not fun for me. I don’t find it appealing in any way. 

and I know that Brandon is a big fan of his lil ~Sanderlanches~ of emotion, but tbf I think the Recreance bombshell got a little lost in Taravangian’s deluge of bad news. The major impact of that reveal SHOULD have been--yeah, the humans are and have been the aggressors all along. But instead it gets a little undermined and rolled up wholesale into Dalinar Has Been a Bad Before and We Guess He Is Now Too. It feels like it should have been a separate moment for everyone--for ALL the monarchs in the coalition--to realize that...THEY are ALL the bad guys. All of humanity is the bad guys. But it gets overshadowed by their belief that Dalinar has betrayed them and gets dumped squarely on his shoulders so that it’s less about Humanity and more about One Human--who has been our hero for 3,000 pages and now just utterly crashed which is ALREADY upsetting enough without everyone else ignoring THEIR part in it all.

So what I’m saying is that I still feel like the end of part 4 was really badly handled as there should have been two, separate focal moments that got overlapped badly (worldbuilding vs character moments). But I’ve talked to Lisa and Alyx about stuff and I’m a lot chiller with the actual CONTENT of the reveal, and actually looking forward to seeing how that plays out. 

tl; dr: feeling better about the content, still very unhappy with the execution.

ANYWAY:

INTERLUDES

“Her people couldn’t be completely gone....could they?” Ah, Venli has reached the Denial stage of grief. that’s. good?

or rather, I suppose...she’s been there all along.

mmmm, I wonder if the different rhythms were created because the Parshendi don’t really do facial expressions, right? like they are crustaceaous, regardless of which form they’re in, so it’s not like shells do a good job at. smiling. Idk, I just wonder if the different hums are bc they don’t really interpret body language the same way humans do.

“The strongest and most skilled of our number are yet to awaken” YOU MEAN THERE’S MORE AND WORSE OF YOU? Great.

You know what I want? An Edgedancer size “novella” about Rysn.

wait, I thought larkins were bad?

aren’t larkins bad?

nvmd, I asked Lisa, they eat stormlight, so Bad For Spren, but not inherently bad. I like having Lisa here to remind me of things I Knew At One Point But Have Since Forgotten Due To Reading So Many Other Things heheh

I love these two Thaylen nERDS

Vstim is a GOOD DAD AAHH

you know, that’s something that’s always sorta bothered me--how do Rosharans go around wearing jewelry that’s giving off enough light to see by? How is that not...overbright and distracting and uncomfortable?

WHOA WHAT

I WAS NOT EXPECTING MURDER 

omg the larkin is eating the gemstone that’s been glowing for 200 years, CHIRI-CHIRI NOOO

o_o

right

it makes sense that the voidbringers would have lightweavers, the fused are basically windrunners, but tbh I didn’t think about. you know. evil people that could disguise themselves as ANYTHING #YIKES

yeEAAHH MY GIRL

COME ON BRANDON, GIMME A RYSN ADVENTURE NOVEL. RYSN AND THE LOST TREASURE OF SOMEWHERE-WITH-TOO-MANY-CONSONANTS! PLS.

anyway, on to the main event for the evening: Megan Sobs Her Way Through the Teft Interlude i’m SURE

“the men of Bridge Four would tire of digging him out of trouble” NEVER.

HE HAS A SPREN

SHE’S BEEN THERE A WHILE, APPARENTLY!!??

HELP

uh oh

no

hold on

WHY IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG AT THE BRIDGE FOUR BARRACKS

WHY IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG

NO

NO

ABSOLUTELY NOT

WHY ARE THERE BRIDGEMEN WHO ARE BLEEDING

I REFUSE

I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF HE KILLS ROCK I AM NOT FINISHING THIS BOOK

I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING

HE KILLED ETH???? AFTER HE KILLED MART IN THE LAST ONE HE HAD TO GO AND KILL OFF THE OTHER BROTHER? FUCK OFF, BRANDON

NO

I’ DON’T WANT THIS

PART FIVE, LET’S GET THIS DOOOONNNE

........there are thirteen, maybe (probably) more POVs in this part?

fuck, Brandon, if I wanted to hop around that much, I’d suck it up and read Martin. Uggghhhhh, I hate this.

HAHA whoops, I didn’t realize it was a flashback chapter and I was like “why is present!Dalinar in a stormWAGON?” and then I realized

“wild chickens range this far east” and I KNOW they mean crows or blackbirds or starlings, but. chickens. is still. such a good worldbuilding note.

“felt both an anxiety to be finished and--at the same time--a reluctance to progress.” B I G M O O D

Brandon: *describes the Nightwatcher* Me, whispering: “yiiiikes”

“What is your boon?” “Forgiveness.” CAN YOU IIIIMAAAAGIIIIINNE

OH SNAP

is that...actually Cultivation?

“I didn’t get what I wanted.” “You got what you deserved.” OOF. OOF. How does fifteen points of damage taste?!

“I control all things that can be grown, nurtured. That includes the thorns.” HM

OKAY

I like her.

HA I WAS RIGHT

EVI WAS THE COST NOT THE BOON. HA

tbqh, I’m still not entirely clear on the boon. I guess...she took away the guilt? or the memories that made the guilt? hm.

HE HAD NEVER DESERVED HER.

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA DAMN FUCKING RIGHT, DALINAR. GOD. YUP. AMEN

merrgghhhh pov shits within chapters grumble grumble grumble

oh dear

big battle time.

yaassss

ok, but the army of spren at the Oathgate might be friend spren. have you checked?

I’m still hung up on Kholinar, ngl, someone, for the love of god, tell me if Skar and Drehey are all right. alive. s o m e o n e pls care about these bridgemen as I do.

(and don’t say Kaladin cares, I KNOW HE DOES BUT HE HASN’T MENTIONED THEM IN 200 PAGES/FOUR WEEKS OF TRAVEL TIME, MMKAY?)

heh, Jasnah being all “Amaram’s bad guys can soak up the arrows while the rest of us escape” and usually, I’m very against the lil foot soldiers getting slaughtered for the misdeeds of their commanders, but if people are still following Amaram, they have Bad Priorities and I’m with Jasnah on this one.

I’m confused

Renarin’s spren is weird?

Jasnah thinks he’s a traitor?

I’m??? CONFUSED AND UPSET???

LET! THE BOY! LIVE!

WHICH ONE OF THEM IS CORRUPTED, IS IT JASNAH? MAYBE IT’S JASNAH?

Me: “Maybe it’s Jasnah???? She spent a lot of time in Shadesmar!” Lisa: “Maybe it’s Maybeline.”

She’s rude and I love her.

OH WHAT HOLD UP

VENLI IS IN THE KNIGHTS RADIANT CHAPTER?

or is it just...anyone listed at the beginning can be in any chapter?

SHE IS NOT LISTED SEPARATELY. HO SHIT

WHAT

YEAH THAT’S THE THING THAT BOTHERS ME: The fused just. sending in regular parshendi parshmen signers whATEVER TO FIGHT. THEY DON’T HAVE TRAINING. THEY’RE GOING TO GET MASSACRED. THAT’S NOT! GOOD! MILITARY! STRATEGY!

ugh, I’m still just. mad about the Recreance reveal.

The humans are the bad guys, fine. But the FUSED ARE DEFINITELY, ABSOLUTELY NOT THE GOOD GUYS??? so what was the point?

SEE SHIT LIKE THIS: “You are here to do as you’re told. In return, you are rewarded with further opportunities to serve.” what the fuuuuuuucckk

like, they’re still BAD GUYS

Here’s the thing--the Recreance reveal doesn’t really change anything. The human heroes are still going to choose the options that are “good” or “right”--Dalinar was already suing for peace, Kaladin was already making friends with the listeners--so saying “these humans in the past were evil” doesn’t change their choices. It doesn’t change the Fused’s choices either--saying “these guys were good in the past” doesn’t make them good guys now--OBVIOUSLY, just look at that dialogue.

So why bother?

The whole series is about choosing to be better, to do better, but the characters were ALREADY DOING THAT, they didn’t need an extra, super depressing motivator to do that. It’s just there to....reinforce the idea? That’s already pretty solid?

idk, I’m still REALLY struggling with this

sigh

back to Venli

hm

so, Odium can CHOOSE what he looks like when he appears--obviously he doesn’t REALLY look like a parshendi, bc he’s not actually their god. If the humans were the voidbringers originally, then he’s theirs, no?

also, # y i k e s, there he is

TEFT IS IN THE RADIANT POV HELL YAH

“You don’t want me. I’m broken.” YES, DARLING, THAT’S THE POINT.

I love him so much I just want to hug this sad uncle of mine

AAAHHH FUCK  THE KHOLINAR GATE

WAIT, MAYBE SKAR AND DREHY WILL SHOW UP FUKIN FINALLY

“This is winnable” IS IT THO

BECAUSE LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE IN THIS BOOK HAS BEEN AND AIN’T THAT JUST FUCKING DEPRESSING

oh fun! the thing from the cover! finally!

Here’s the thing: three years ago, I would have loved this book. Three years ago, overwhelming odds and impossible battles and the downward, angst slide of all my favorite characters would have been SO MUCH FUN to read. But now? This year? I’m fucking over it. I’m done. Give me optimism or give me death.

I’m exhausted enough in the real world, I don’t need to be exhausted by the books I’m reading.

“You mind holds firm” UH HUH SURE. P SURE NONE OF THE FUSED ARE SANE, bUT THAt’S FINe

“Could he defeat six? Did he need to?” THE IMPLICATION THAT: IF HE NEEDS TO, OF COURSE HE CAN. I’M LOVE KALADIN SO! MUCH!

DO WE FINALLY GET TO STAB AMARAM!!!!!!!????? FINALLY!!!

DOES KALADIN GET TO KILL HIM? BECAUSE I WILL BE REALLY, REALLY MAD IF KALADIN DOESN’T GET TO KILL HIM

OMG I’M SO HERE FOR THIS

MY BOY

KALADIN RECOGNIZING HIS PROGRESS AND KNOWING THAT HE’S GOT SYL AND BRIDGE FOUR, AND PURPOSE AND THAT HE’S GONNA STAY ALIVE FOR THEM, FOR IT. THAT EVEN THO LIFE SUCKS HE’S GONNA STICK AROUND BC THERE’S GOOD PARTS TOO. KALADIN REALIZING HE’S STRONG AND STRONGER WITH HIS PEOPLE. I’M SO

MY HEART IS SO FULL AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

OOOHHH NOO THAT”S HOT

where’s my Kaladin alone in combat stance facing down 6 fused and GLOWING ART BC I NEEEEEEDD IITTT

my soul

I love him

my soul

You know what? Kaladin never gets the Thrill. I bet it’s because he’s too good for this world.

ahhh fuck they got the thing

at least Rysn and Vstim are still alive! for now.

why do they want the thing tho

whose heart is it

WORRIED ABOUT RENARIN 2K18

heheheh Pattern, “I do not like being stabbed” no, you are usually doing the stabbing, huh? heheh

ADOLIN KISS SHALLAN! ! AHH!! YAY!!!

SOFT BEFORE BATTLE THIS GOOD

god, yup. “Um, hello.” SPEAKING TO THE OATHGATE SPREN WOULD BE SO SCARY

the Argonath spren. Oathgonath? Argonoath? Argonoath. heh

I’ll take Bad Lord of the Rings Puns for 300, Alex

COME ON, VENLI. SPEAK ME SOME WORDS, GIRL.

Oh hey it’s Gawx! Wacky fun.

aahhh shit, it WOULD look like the Alethi were betraying everyone else for real. SIGH.

come on, Lift, get them to help. come on, come on, come on

can we unforbid it? esp since Honor is fucking dead and doesn’t care what’s forbidden or not?

“A man can rule his lands until the citylord demands his taxes. The citylord controls his lands until the highlord, in turn, comes to him for payment. But the highlord must answer to the highprince, when war is called in his lands. And the king? He...must answer to God.” BUT DARKNESS--WHAT IS GOD TO A NON-BELIEVER?

“Don’t be stupid. Let’s go fight those guys.” AMEN, NIGHTBLOOD.

“But it had always been nothing more than a rock.” YEEEESSSS OMG. SZETH!!! FINALLY UNDERSTANDING.

KALADIN NO

goddamnit

UH??? WHY IS NAVANI POV IN THE RADIANTS CHAPTER???? BRANDON??? WHAT DO I NOT KNOW?

Dalinar continues to be an extra son of a bitch, and I love him.

ok, I’m betting it’s just anyone’s POV can be in any chapter, ‘cause the symbol hasn’t changed. so nevermind. I retract my questions about Venli and Navani.

HI LIFT

I LOVE YOU

“Did you forget to feed them?” I’VE MISSED HER WHY ISN’T SHE IN ALL THE CHAPTERS

“Wyndle doesn’t like hurting people” I !!!! LOVE! THEM!

PLS BE CAREFUL ADOLIN AAAHH

NO???

NOOOOOOOOO??

DON’T?? STAB THE SUNSHINE BOY????

I’M?

his sord

w

swor

d aah

she protec hiom

uuuuuhhhhjfghmgdh

hmfzngrsmkdc

oh snap hold on

Hello Darkness is gonna swap sides? Not that he was really ever on our side, but like. “will make the transition to obeying the Dawnsigners easier” OBEYING? I’m.

that’s Not Great.

“Leave me”? ????? EXCUSE?? NO!!!?? ABSOLUTELY NOT, SUNSHINE BOY, WTF

he has more words

WORDS

GASP

AAHH

LISTEN, DALINAR, ADOLIN IS THE DUELLING BOY. IF YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A CHAMPION FOR A ONE-ON-ONE DUEL. YOU NEED ADOLIN. AND HE’S BUSY BEING STABBED AND ALSO NOT HERE AND I’M

YELLING

UNEXPECTED SZETH FALLING FROM THE SKY TO SAVE LIFT??? I’M HERE FOR IT

oohh szeth. honey bunches of oats. one day--one day--you will realize that you don’t actually need a master. and you will become something more.

even if you’ve picked dalinar as your new master, which is good, bc following good men is better than bad ones, buT STILL

also, how come we didn’t get to hear his Words??? I WANT TO KNOW ALL THE WORDS. BAD POV SWITCH MADE ME MISS OUT ON SKYBREAKER IDEALS. BOO.

UGH, STAB HIM, NAVANI

ah. ShalASH, got it

there’s Too Much going on, tbqh.

*quietest of wimpers*: taln

help

aahhh darnit, ok. it IS Renarin that’s corrupted. someone PLS let this boy have, like, A MOMENT of peace

oh for fuck’s sake

Let Dalinar fucking have a moment

COME ON

HE’S THE G O O D G U Y, PLS

I’m suffering

RESIST, DALINAR

AAHH

genuinely don’t think you should just be waving Nightblood around

sheathe that motherfucker

pls

also, if Szeth said his words, shouldn’t he have bonded a spren? Doesn’t have have a sprensword? so maybe he....could stop? using Nightblood? 

somebody help Taln, I AM TOO FAR AWAY TO HUG HIM PLS HUG HIM

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T USE NIGHTBLOOD

JUST SAYIN’

BLESS NAVANI. SHE HAS INVENTED THE TAZER

or possibly weaponized the Cruciatas Curse, but EITHER WAY: NICE.

“Dalinar pulled the Way of Kings close to his chest, clutching it like a child with his blanket at night” MOOD ALSO SAME I FEEL THIS ABOUT MY COPY, TOO

STOP KILLING BRIDGE FOUR

I WILL YELL AT YOU, BRANDON

I WILL SEE YOU ON THURSDAY AND I WILL YELL AT YOU

“Dalinar Kholin is no more” UH HUH, SURE

That would be boring. We’ve already seen the Blackthorn. It’s boring unless we get something new.

fuck off amaram

gross? not recommended.

don’t swallow foreign objects

something GOOD HAS TO HAPPEN SOON OR I’M GONNA FUCKING SCREAM

I’M TIRED GIVE ME HOPE

IT’S BEEN, LIKE, 300 PAGES SINCE ANYTHING GOOD HAS HAPPENED

BRIDGE FOUR KEEPS DYING, ADOLIN GOT STABBED, DALINAR IS BEING TORTURED, FOR FUCK’S SAKE C O M E O N

(purposely forgeting Lift showing up and Navani tazing people in her assessment of how many pages it’s been since good things have happened)

NO FUCKING SHIT, KIDDO!!! THE FUTURE IS MALLEABLE!!! IT CHANGES!! OF COURSE IT CAN BE WRONG

oh

duh

even I had that wrong--the NEXT step, not the first

GOOD

STAND UP

AAAAHHH

“If I didn’t do those things, it means that I can’t have grown to become someone else.” AND YOU DID! YOU DID GROW! LOOK AT YOU! FINALLY YOU ARE REALIZING IT ONLY TOOK 3FUCKINGTHOUSAND PAGES AAAHHH

YAAAS

YOU’RE MY FAMILY

AAAHH

GOOD SOFT JASNAH!!! NOT A THING I EXPECTED BUT HERE WE ARE

“Maybe it’s time for someone to save you.” *MEEP*

hel p

that’s intense

AAAHHHH

EVI IS A GOOD AND I LOVE HER AND SHE DESERVED BETTER ALSO SOFT AND GOOD AAHH

# yikes

but like, a good yikes

yeah, you fucking better apologize to him

Taln deserves an apology form every single person on this planet, and that includes all the Heralds, and the Heralds owe him, like, a hundredbajillion apologies extra

I have emotions

and opinions

HE’S SO GOOD

AND SOFT

MY GODSON

OH MY GOD

OHHHH MYY GOOODDDDDD

HE’S SO GOOD

oh no I love him so much

TEEEEFFT

FINALLY

YES

GOOD WORDS I’M CRYING OH NO

HE’S

SO MUCH

all my soft boys

best boys

dominoes with crystal transformation? MORE GOOD YIKES

YEESSSSS

KALADIN!!!!!

VS

FUCKFACE!!!

HERE WE GO

LOOK KALADIN, YOU DID SAVE HIM!!! YOU PUT THE SYLSPEAR IN JUST THE RIGHT PLACE TO BLOCK THE SWORD AND YOU DID SAVE DALINAR, LOOK AT YOU

NOW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STAB THE EVERLIVING FUCK OUT OF AMARAM

STAND UP AND DO BETTER

LOOK IT’S WHAT i’VE BEEN SAYING THE WHOLE TIME

yes good, heal Adolin, thank you

GOD FUCKING BLESS

LITERAL ORDERS TO STAB THE FUCKFACE

THANK YOU

ofuck he did swallow it

Not Great

every time Adolin talks to his sword, my heart leaps. he actually apologizes and also thanks her and I just! want her to know! how much he loves and appreciates her!

WAKE UP, SWORD! MAKE HIM RADIANT!

COME ON

FUCKING

YOU ABSOLUTE HOOKWORM I CANNOT BELIEVE

TWO SHARDBLADES. OF FUCKING COURSE HE NEVER GOT RID OF KALADIN’S. FUCKING

PIECE OF

ROTTEN SHIT I’m. hate him.

so

much

ooohh Shallan!!!!!! I’m proud of her!! She’d created them to be strong when she wasn’t but she doesn’t need them now aahh!!

OH HEY, FEN’S SON DOES HAVE A NAME and it’s a garbage Thaylen name. Kdralk? all right then

“Life could not be lived making decisions at each juncture.” Szeth.... Szeth that’s. that’s...exactly what life is??? That’s. how you do, actually, live life? I’m ???? ??

‘at the top, they found a jumble of Sadeas troops chipping at a door with hand axes. “I can probably get through that a little easier.”’ HEHEHEH

Lov me a sunshine boy

GOD FINALLY

LET! NAVANI! GRIEVE! THANK YOU

ADOLIN IS SUCH A GOOD COMMANDER, GOD

EXCELLENT TACTICS

I’M SO PLEASED

It’s very satisfying to get Kaladin fighting Amaram and Dalinar fighting the thrill Unmade at the same time

fINALLY something SATISFYINg in this book

listen, I love having the visual of Jasnah’s effortless airsteps from the cover, but I’m still REALLY Disappointed that the covers don’t match up with the flashback character.

It’s Dalinar’s book, it should be Dalinar on the cover, but WHATEVER, WHELAN, ugh.

THANKS FOR ALL THE BROKEN BONES, I HATE IT

It’s never fair when the bad guy brings so many friends to the party.

SHE FINALLY HAS A NAME YES

MAYA IS A GOOD SWORD AND I LOVE HER

eeyyyy GOOD JOB, VENLI!!!

PETITION FOR SUNSHINE BOY TO STOP GETTING HURT

ngl, his is the battle I’m actually most invested in rn, other than Kaladin, I just.

want him to be okay

“half expecting Skar and Drehy to be there to pull him to his feet. Storms, he missed those bridgemen.” ME FUCKING TOO, ADOLIN. WHERE ARE THEY ARE THEY OKAY 

AAHH!! Renarin gets to protect Adolin THAT’S SO NICE GOOD

I ADORE that Lift and Dalinar are besties. It’s the BEST dynamic, such an interesting combo, and I LOVE IT.

“Amaram was screaming in pain.” GOOD.

WONDERFUL. AMAZING.

BRILLIANT.

FRAME IT.

Overconfident fuckface took his own helmet off, bless hiS HEART

“I hurt, once...after I killed your squad, I hurt.” OH BOO HOO, POOR BABY FELT A TWINGE OF GUILT FOR A HOT SECOND I DON’T FEEL BAD FOR YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKWEASEL

oh, gross

thanks

THE SPEAR THAT DOESN’T BREAK AAAHHHHHH MY SOUL

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WE WERE SO CLOSE

it’s ok, we just need one more good solid hit on that gemheart and we’re DONE WITH THIS LOSER

A DOZEN

RENARIN CAN’T FIGHT A FULL DOZEN BY HIMSELF? OH MY GOD

not good

uugghh fuck Malata, I DON’T TRUST HER

Renarin is very brave. A Good.

OH WAIT, TEFT CAN OPEN THE OATHGATE

YAAASSS

YAAAAAAAASSSS

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASASSSSSSSSSSSSS

I’M SO HAPPY

TEFT OPENED THE OATHGATE

LOOK AT MY BOYS

*SCREAMING CONTINUES*

PHEW ROCK IS ALIVE, I CAN KEEP READING

“YOU LOOKED LIKE PERSON WHO NEEDED HUG” ROCK IS THE BEST I LOVE ROCK I’VE MISSED HIM SO MUCH

Oh right, Dalinar’s still, like. doing stuff. I forgot, ‘cause it’s. Nothing’s happening with it.

Should be focal, but there’s. So much going on.

COME ON, KALADIN, YOU’VE GOT WORDS WEIGHING DOWN YOUR TONGUE.

COME ON, DARLING, PLEASE.

ok that’s acceptable

not ideal

but beautiful

a good, solid Rock.

I will accept this end.

Bridge Four is so, so, so important, I cannot express in words.

oh, quiet screaming:

Moash chapter

oooohhhh buddy

One day, you’ll wake up.

Until then, my very garbage brain will write fic, and it will be glorious.

how do people not ship this

he literally helped her remember herself

he recognized her in her sea of selves and pulled her out, cOME ON

THIS IS THE SOFTEST OF SHIPS AND I’M CRYING

AAHH VENLI!! PROGRESS!!! also what order, I must know

whoo Braize IS Damnation, called that shit, like, a book and a half ago.

“only Ishar survived with his mind intact” A RE Y O U V RE Y SU RE AB T T H A T? ???

oh. those are boring Words, but okay. makes sense, the Skybreakers are kinda. Meh.

ugh, we still have to deal with Hello Darkness My Old Friend? He’s going to come oversee training? ugh.

BEST KISS BEST KISS BEST KISS

OTP: NO MATING

OTP

BEST

KISS

YES

“You mentioned something about kissing me until I can’t breathe, but here I am, not even winded--”

B E S T K I S S BEST BEST BEST KISS

“I don’t think I loved her, Syl. I felt...something. A lightening of my burdens...” THE FEELING WAS FRIENDSHIP BUT NEITHER OF THEM HAD EXPERIENCED IT BEFORE.

“I knew you’d come for me.” brb crying forever

I don’t know if you know this, but I really love Bridge Four.

“We lift the bridge together, Teft. And we carry it.”

[cries quietly into that sentence for the rest of eternity]

TARAVANGIAN IS LITERALLY CONFESSING, BUT WHO WANTS TO BET DALINAR FORGIVES HIM AND STILL TRUSTS HIM

i s2g, Dalinar’s pure goodness is going to be the thing that kills him, in the end.

MOASH WHAT THE FUCK

JEZRIEN

I KNEW Ahu was a Herald, HA, but JEZRIEN HOLY FUCK  

actually dead or just bound in the sapphire bc it IS glowing, so. hm.

hm

god

Moash, plllleeeaasseeeeeeeee ugh

ahhh YAY LOPEN!!!

but it. should have been Moash. It was always supposed to be Teft and Moash and Skar and Rock.

And I love Lopen, really, I do. b ut.

I’m also:

~*~GARBAGE~*~

mmmmm ACTUAL FATHER? OR? HMM

I’M WORRIED ABOUT MY ANCIECT GODCHILDREN OKAY? HELP THEM.

OH THANK FUCK

SKAR AND DREHY ARE OKAY

SKAR AND DREHY PROTECT THOSE WHO CANNOT PROTECT THEMSELVES!!!!????

THAT’S!!!! THEY DID THE THING???!!! THEY’VE GOT THE WORDS!!!

LOOK AT MY BOYS GO! LOOK AT THEM ALL!!

TEFT AND LOPEN AND SKAR AND DREHY!!!!

I’M SO PLEASED

oh yeah they saved the kid that’s good

LOOK! AT! MY! BOYS!!!!!

Taravangian might be the ONLY fictional grandpa that I dislike

I always like the grandpas.

but noT THIS ONE

hm

by becoming king of the world and then asking odium to spare everyone he ruled, he was going to save everyone.

Not

actually a bad plan

Not a great one, obviously. but. not a terrible one.

Too bad it was NEVER GOING TO WORK

oh fuck off, he stole the Honorblade, which means Malata probably killed Eth, so GOOD NOW I HAVE A SOLID, CONCRETE REASON TO HATE HER, GOOD.

“Why would [Taravangian] work with the enemy? Everything he’s done so far has been to secure a safe Roshar--if through brutal means. Still, I have to wonder. I can’t afford to be too trusting.” I CAN’T BE TOO TRUSTING, EXCEPT TARAVANGIAN, I’LL DEF TRUST HIM OF COURSE, Dalinar, pLEASE

I’m dying, you gotta. ugh

he’s EVIL COME ON

ppppssssssst

*put Jasnah on the throne*

we need someone who’s good at diplomancy, who can inspire people and command them! GEE WHO’VE WE GOT WHO CAN DO ALL THOSE THINGS AND LOOK SHARP AF DOING IT?

I W ON D E R

oh holy shit, they actually did it

they actually did put Jasnah in charge

holy fuck

YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS

EXCELLENT

really moash

the stolen honorblade

HE WHO QUIETS --admittedly a great assassin epithet, but

Mooooooaaaaaaaassshhh

S I G H

okay, so we figured out that Sja-anat is anti-odium, that’s good. but HOW do we know that Renarin bonded one of her spren? just...’cause it’s corrupted and that’s what she does? or did I miss something more specific?

oh huh

ok

cool

OH!, he went to get Elhokar’s baby spren. interesting.

does that make Wit a Radiant? ‘cause I bet that’s not going to go over well heheheheh

WHOOOOOO I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Defo not my favorite, but it did pick up at the end there. Part 3 was A TRIP that I enjoyed and I’m still pumped that Bridge Four got 1. POVs and 2. SPREN that was really nice. I’m ~*~GARBAGE~*~ and there was some good garbage Moash content, so I loved that. The roadtrip was Sure A Thing. I love my sunshine boy, Adolin Kholin with all my heart. Aaaaand I’ll circle back to Part 4 and the beginning of Part 5 when it’s NOT 4am!

[jennycalendar]

Incoming: spam of good questions. (Sent on Anon bc I want this to be about you having positive stuff, not about whoever-is-doing-this being nice.)

THIS IS SO SWEET on all the levels. thank you so much!!! i’m gonna just copy-past these questions here and answer them sequentially + directly

When did you first start shipping Giles/Jenny? At what point did you know that they were the OTP for you?

tbqh, it wasn’t till s2 that i realized how cute i found them. like they’d had the whole tensiony thing going in s1, and i loved the way they interacted already, but when i saw them giving each other big heart eyes in when she was bad it was like. sign me the fuck UP. the moment i knew for CERTAIN was like literally all of some assembly required because that whole sequence of events was so adorable.

not to derail, but i maintain that giles and jenny were a slow burn couple who burned way too damn fast. they were barely friends at the end of i robot and suddenly she’s giving him the soft eyes in prophecy girl???? where are all the awkward tense uncomfy conversations???? we were Robbed

Do you ship Jenny with anyone besides Giles? If so, who?

canon does not give me many age-appropriate options (which says something Significant about btvs and its lack of female mentor figures). the only 2 ships i see regularly in fic (besides g/j of course) are jenny/xander (ick.) and jenny/joyce (which i just don’t see; they have like nothing in common whatsoever). tl;dr i ship jenny with lilah in a friends-with-benefits situation (or in very very specific circumstances, like in my detective au, where jenny doesn’t know from the get-go that lilah is straight-up evil), and i HARDCORE ship jenny with olivia caliban from asoue. because olivia is soft and kind and warm and that is jenny’s type of person, no matter how hard she likes to pretend she goes for the badass people

Do you ship Giles with anyone besides Jenny? If so, who

ETHAN RAYNE. god. those two were Chaos Boyfriends it’s canon and they have such a flirty angry charged dynamic. i swoon

What flavor milkshake would Jenny order? What flavor would she order for Giles?

jenny would order something with coffee, cookies, or caramel, and then wheedle giles into trying some of hers. she wouldn’t order a milkshake for him bc giles thinks milkshakes are stupid (”ice cream was already milk!!! milk is milk is milk!!!!”). they are probably having an argument in an ice cream parlor right now

Have you ever written a fanfic that explored Jenny’s heritage as a Romany woman?

i have not. very specifically because canon did a horrible job of it and the last thing i want to do is echo that, + i don’t think i know enough about romany culture to do it in a way that did jenny or her culture justice. 

What’s your favorite Jenny quote?

“i just wanna help.” i want to shove this at anyone who says jenny’s a cold, callous, vengeful person, because all that woman has in her heart is love and she just does not know what to do with it. she deserved to love and be loved and it breaks my damn heart.

[twisterss]

ok serious question-- afaik, you've read the spoilers. what were your thoughts on finnrose before and after?

well ive watched the movie now (online) & so thank you for asking me about this because i have a lot of feelings about finnrose.

before tlj:

the only information we were privy to before tlj painted rose (in relation to finn) as a really sweet, starstruck resistance mechanic. since im in the business of loving finn and loving all those who love finn… i loved finnrose. i thought any friendship or relationship between them would be based on mutual respect (because finn respects everyone anyway) and admiration. after some leaks a few days before the premiere… i realized we’d all been conned, hard. 

after tlj:

finnrose is dead. and it’s not only because of the violence she enacts on finn from the start (even though that level of violence is on its own a reason to drop the ship). to put it plainly - it’s one sided. it’s a twisted hero worship. it is not the basis of any relationship at all. rose, even as she continues to talk down to finn and drag him around like a pet, sees finn as a bigger than life myth. she never treats him fully like a person. she goes from putting him on a pedestal to seeing him as the worst of the worst (for her a traitor) in the span of a few minutes. it’s dehumanizing. and she takes shots at him. at one point in the film she asks about getting off the FO ship theyre on, and finn says he knows where the closest escape pods are and i kid you not, she replies, “of course you do,”. it’s supposed to remind us about their first meeting, when finn was trying to “escape” the resistance (its not like that), and when he escaped the FO. it’s such a fucking evil moment. like everything else in the badly paced movie, it’s a blink and you miss it moment, but i didnt blink and i didnt miss it. did she really just throw finn escaping from the regime he was enslaved under for 23 years back in his face? of course he knows where the escape pods are! he probably daydreamed about leaving his living nightmare a million times growing up! and she throws that back at him! like it’s something to be ashamed of!!! and rian, the fucker that his is, doesnt let finn respond or process what she just said to him. it’s so heartbreaking honestly. finn doesnt deserve this ;(

yes, theres a finnrose kiss but it’s the most ridiculous one-sided, heterosexual affair ever lol. she pecks him on the lips and faints. he doesnt respond, his body is rigid, and he looks utterly caught off guard. which makes sense because finn doesnt show the slightest romantic interest in rose even once throughout the movie. he shows compassion (when he tells dj to return rose’s necklace & when he tucks her in at the end) but that’s just finns personality (he shows the same compassion to bb8, poe, rey, chewie, etc in both films). if you wanna look at romance in the film, i’d tell you to just look at how poe and rey treat and respond to finn (and rey doesnt even talk!) cause they obviously show unadulterated love for him that isnt tinged w/dehumanization. and finn shows it back - especially to rey. so finnrose is dead. theres nothing to salvage tbqh. i hope jj just scraps it like the tacked on unhealthy heterosexual mess that it is; cause the ship is a huge disservice to finn. he deserves better.  

[rationalisms]

mass effect for the ask meme (1/2/3 instead of seaons) ✨

ty tasha

the first character i ever fell in love with:i legit cannot remember, it honestly has been way too long since i first played me1!! i think it might have been tali? at least i’m pretty sure she was the one character i didn’t swap out once for someone else in the team config during my first playthru even when it was combat inconvenient lql

a character i used to love/like, but now do not:i honestly can’t think of anyone? i used to really desperately try to make myself like ashley but lately i’ve just accepted that i have always disliked her and never ever will find anything about her redeeming enough to make up for all the things i hate lol.

a ship i used to love/like, but now do not:when i first played mass effect 2 i actually thought joker and EDI were adorable and really loved the development of their relationship over the game. i was very excited for what me3 might hold for them and uh…. the actual content left me VERY cold lol. i think it’s a shame that their relationship was reduced to “lol hot robot bod” and all the actual development of EDI as a person and sentient being was completely concentrated on shepard alone. that was such a huge missed opportunity.

my ultimate favourite character:m o r d i n!! i love him so much and i have cried so many tears over just how much i love him so many times. he has the hands down BEST arc over the course of the games to me– i adore so much how he changes from someone who’s so remote and concerned with only the macro level of things to someone who learns to actually connect to people as more than just numbers or data. his self sacrifice is the most meaningful to me and i’m the proudest of his development.

prettiest character:samara, boob armor not withstanding lol. jack’s me3 design is gorgeous as well.

my most hated character:it’d be easy to give a p expected answer to this (kai leng or another easily hateable villain) but i think if i had to concentrate solely on characters on the normandy it’d probably honestly be james vega lol. i h a t e d that he was mandatory in me3 and usually avoid interacting with him. he’s the exact stereotype of male gamer self insert character i loathe and he was so discongruent compared to the rest of the team. also his interactions with f!shep made my skin crawl. h8 how you were forced into the dichotomy of ~ooOOOoo flirty~ or “i’m gonna be a huge dick to you for no reason”. just. delete him.

my OTP:f!shep/tali is REAL and i will DIE mad about bioware cutting it from the game!!! ESPECIALLY because they left the lead-up to the romance in and just cut the actual consummation!! i’m still just always crying overa) “you deserve better.” - “i got better shepard. i got you.”b) tali looking out over rannoch and saying “it’s beautiful” and f!shep NEVER EVER LOOKING AWAY FROM HER THE ENTIRE TIME and saying “yes it is” a HATECRIME tbqh fuck you bioware

the other is aria/nyreen they’re… so much….. lawful good and neutral evil exes who are still in love is the BEST set-up and i am still FIRMLY in denial about how they ended. as far as i’m concerned they’re running omega together.

my NOTP:literally any m!shep/female character ship. also f!shep/garrus. he’s SO my little bro to me and the one time i played their romance the content made me suuuper uncomfortable in how awkward it was lol i just can’t get with it.

favourite game and mission: (doing this instead of fav season or ep)me3. ik, ik, people dump on it all the time, but i honestly think it’s a masterpiece and i adore it to pieces. there’s been no other video game since that has affected me emotionally to the same level and there’s so many outstanding moments in it compared to the other two installments (even tho i love those as well). i have my issues with it (who doesn’t lol) but it’s still the best mass effect game for me.

as for fav mission, gotta be citadel dlc. ik, cliche answer BUT it’s such a perfect 3 hours of content i honestly wouldn’t change in any way.

least favourite game and mission:uuuuh i love me1 a lot but it’s my least fav out of the 3 mainly for gameplay reasons (i’m a huge completionist and i HATE having to do all the planet missions in the mako). 

least fav mission is the fucking derelict reaper in me2 it’s the WORST and scares me so bad! i’m bad at survival horror type video games!!! as much as i love how much ME can swerve into a different genre so quickly i am a big baby and i can’t shoot straight

saddest death:man idk how to choose! mordin was saddest to me personally obviously because he’s my favourite character, but his death is also such a satisfying conclusion to his character arc so idk! shepard’s death is gutwrenching as well, but again, it really makes sense to me as a culmination of her story. maybe legion. partly because “does this unit have a soul?” will haunt me forever and partly because that’s the death i felt served the least narrative purpose.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:i don’t HATE him but i never warmed to grunt as much as everyone else seemed to. he’s fine but i don’t really emotionally connect with him as much as with the other squaddies.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:aria and the illusive man lmao. they’re both terrible people and i love them so very much for it. the illusive man is for sure my fav non-reaper antagonist and such an interesting character. and aria should hmu next time i’m free B)

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:kaidan……… he has never done a single thing wrong in his life and it, like, actively pains me to have to put him through All That or have to hear about what he’s already been put through throughout the course of the games. let him retire to his parent’s canadian beach house in peace

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:the way this question is worded is really annoying me lol. i also don’t think i have any ships i actually feel are like “omg bad dirty wrong” for ME. i want everyone to be happy.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:f!shep/liara and f!shep/kaidan. i like both their romances, especially liara’s, and esp later game content with them is rly good, but i will never care about the actual romances with them as much as i care about the potential of f!shep/tali lol.