#fuck you to everyone who says otherwise and calls me cringe

[confusedwriter404]

I remembered making a DSMP oc insert of my Minecraft Character back in 2021 and seeing Jack and Tommy's VOD, I figured I should give them a good ending too.

My girl is all grown up now :']

I could still remember the joy in traumatizing the shit out of her but now she's resting, happily married and raising a kid with her wife, healing from all the shit she went through. I'm just so glad I could end her story like this.

Rest well, Player_R. To new beginnings.

[cvnt4him]

How I think certain guys would be w a chubby gf bc who doesn't love chubby girls??

..............................................

T.Iida.

He definitely doesn't really care ab weight, he was js surprised someone wanted him.

He does care about you gaining weight because the risks that can come from being overweight scare him more than it does you.

He tries to occasionally get you to eat healthy and consider doing a diet [he would try so hard to say it in a chill way to not anger you or if you're like me, a sensitive chubby person, he'll try so hard not to make you cry to the point you stop eating lol!!!].

He overall just wants the best for you, and if you've really begun to love yourself regardless of how you look, love handles, belly fat, stretch marks, cellulite n what not then he will too, he only wants to love you, he feels like it's his soul purpose other than becoming a hero to honor his brothers name or whatever the fuck.

Hes mainly big spoon bc I feel like he's js programmed like that, but he likes laying his head on your tummy while you rub his hair, he'll take his glasses off n js lay there w you. My cutie pie fr

Bite his tiddie make his dick twitch

..............................................

K.Bakugou.

Loves chubby women.

Like he loves it ALLL like hip dips? Yes. Stretch marks? Yupp. Tummy fat? Yummers!!! N when you have fat thighs bro??? He fr LOVES being in between them can't convince me otherwise.

I feel like he would call you cringe shit like chubs js to make fun of you in that cutesy little couple way so bc yk he's obviously joking you don't take it to heart too much bc yk I'm a sensitive cunt so regardless some things pull on my sensitive little heart strings.

He likes to bite your everything. He just loves it bro, leaving hickeys on your skin is js perfection to him.

He loves being big spoon mainly because you are shorter than him, but he just loves holding you either way, squishing every little inch of fat he can get his huge warm palms on.

Sit on his lap, he loves it, the feeling of your weight comfortably sitting on top of him makes him hard fr.

I feel he benches alot like bro I feel like he can take at least maybe ab 300Ibs bc bro, let's keep in mind he was capable of handling OFA in that one movie, at the beginning of the series it was stated you had to have some kind of muscle/mass to handle it n like to not get your shit blown off so yh he can definitely carry you.

He js loves holding you and tightly gripping onto your chub.

..............................................

E.Kirishima.

Chubby chaser, like the definition.

I feel like he respects women the most out of everyone in the class even the girls, he js screams 'I'm an ally to women' bro. Try n change my mind. You can't.

He loves everything about you regardless, skinny chubby, big boobs small boobs, full lips thin, everything about you is mesmerizing to him simply because you just... Are.

Are what you may ask?

You simply just are.

You're like the it girl in his eyes, a goddess, the only being he wants and craves to worship. He loves holding you like bakugou, feeling and seeing your chub in his hands and the way it like squished out in between his fingers when he grabs onto a part of your body that holds a lot of fat, like your tummy or thighs or boobs he'll go berserk.

You turn him on so much you can make out for 3 seconds n his dick is hard as a rock [pun intended bc that's his quirk.]

He doesn't care what spoon he is as long as you're near him, he loves when you rake your fingers through his freshly washed hair and when you kiss his scalp that needs a new coat of dye.

[ bc you're bat shit crazy if you think I'm going near his crunchy ass greasy ass dandruff infested looking like a dandelion field ass head if this mf aint wash it. I'm so dead ass miss me w all that bullshit bc no.. it's that serious. Ik his shit stink stink.]

All slander aside he's a sweetheart and deserves to be loved.

He likes picking you up I feel like, like he'll js randomly throw you over his shoulder for the fun of it.

..............................................

M.Izuku.

My husband, the loml, my twinky little wifey, my male wife, my babygirl, my pookie sugar hunny sweetie bear pie, my zuzubear.

He loves whatever he can get, just like iida. He doesn't realize he actually pulls bitches so when you confess to him [infront of ochako bc I'm a messy bitch] he absolutely blows his top, bc you're really pretty to him heavy or not you're fucking perfect.

He loves being little spoon convince me other wise [you can't don't try🤦🏽‍♀️] he likes being held like a baby bro don't even try arguing bc I'm not even going to reply. He likes laying on your boobs because he's a pervert.

Like he's so perverted if he is on the rare occasion, being big spoon he gets hard when you rub your ass against his dick while you're trying to get comfortable, you love getting dicked down by a powerful mf that can man handle you, don't get me wrong, however it can be tiring fucking someone who has a lot of stamina and can never seem to be tired. Which is why he's semi banned from being big spoon.

He's such a pervert bro, like he fr has It written down in his notebook that mt lady has a fat ass, I js know he writes shit down ab anything that even involves you whether it be sexual or not.

Your boobs seem to feel slightly heavier in his hands? Jotted down. Ass seems to have gotten fatter? Already sketched a very detailed picture of you in a bikini of his hero suit.

Now that we're on the topic of him being far too artistic for my liking, you can't tell me he doesn't draw you in such lewd ways like I'm talking you as a secretary busting out of the seams of your shirt.

Like he fr draws you being fucked by little squid arms like in hentai or whatever. He watches alot of porn so he knows what he likes to see and what hed like to see from you. He's a gooner fr can't convince me otherwiseeee

He's a total goofy goober though, if you talk a certain way or are from a certain region where talking with some sort of accent is shown he will like steal your lango yk? Like the little things you say like if you're British and you say 'bruv' he'll start saying it, or if you say shit like 'goofy' or 'type shit', or insert other things, he'll say it. Even if he doesn't know what it means he js wants to impress you so bad!!

Speaking of which, he definitely impressed you w how good he is at eating puss bro, like there's certain mha guys I feel are js too good at cunnilingus.

he is one of them.

He follows you around in any store and like watches you like a hawk, you'll never get lost bc he doesn't leave your side, shopping for pads or other femininely products? Who gives a fuck you're his girlfriend!!!!

Now I feel he likes to have you sit on his face bc he likes the weight, he also likes carrying you around he def can n yk that so don't even put it past him bc he will not hesitate to pick you up so you can rest your little footsies.

He worships you like kirishima but better, you literally will not have to lift a finger w him around.

I feel as if overall w you being chubby n his gf he doesn't give af if you have weight or not, he js wants you to like him n call him your little malewife.

Speaking of wife I feel he can't cook for shit but is trying to learn for you.

Kiss his neck make him soak his shorts in precum.

..............................................

AN: yk I had to go all out w my baby zuzubear my little twinky malewife, I love me some him. I might make a pt 2 really depends.

[liloinkoink]

hey guys, someone just sent me a weird ass ask claiming my incredibly close friend cherri @cherrifire secretly hate me and is talking abt me behind my back. i was not the only person to get one of these identical slanderous asks. i’ve already blocked the anon but like. open letter to them, and for the benefit of anyone else who gets an ask like this….

1) anon, you’re genuinely fucking stupid

2) hysterical to send this when i was actively chatting w her, while we were in the process of fleshing out yet another renchanting au, something we have done all day every day for… gosh, how long has it been now? nearly two years? i would say that it was really bad timing to send this ask to me while i was actively chatting aus w her but there really isn’t any moment you could have sent this that i wouldn’t have been.

3) if you thought i wasn’t gonna call bullshit and snitch immediately you don’t know shit about me or cherri, which, granted, is evident by the ask in general, but you really are stupid

4) if a gc like this existed—which it does not, bc cherri is not like this and would not do this—i would be in it. this idiot doesn’t even know im cherri’s emotional support writer. do you have any idea how many gcs and servers she’s dragged me into w her.

5) get your facts right cherri talks shit about me to my face. this is mutual. fake ass fan. if you were a real cherri friend you would know this smh

6) no, actually, you’re right, she definitely hates me. that’s why i met her irl literally like 3 months ago on her invitation, we hung out for a genuine week, spent basically the whole time arm in arm or hand in hand. this is also why we were planning a second meetup last night. you idiot. you fool. you complete and utter moron

anyway, if anyone gets this ask:

it’s complete bullshit. theyre sending this to cherri’s best friends for some godforsaken reason. it’s very weird and deeply cringe. also incredibly poorly planned. idk how many ppl you sent this to, but a few of us are in a gc and we have been making fun of this ask for like an hour (anon, im one of cherri’s friends and she’s been telling a small group of friends about you— lol. lmao even)

anyway like. to reiterate. cherri’s one of my best friends, she’s absolutely lovely and i’m lucky every day to know her. we hang out and chat constantly and we’ve met irl and it was an incredible experience i would love to repeat. i have told her things i have not fuckin told anyone else and you could not otherwise waterboard out of me. i love talking to her all the time and i miss her when she’s busy for even like, an hour. i love writing w her and creating things w her. she’s an incredibly bright spot in my life, often the first person i think of upon waking and the last i think of before i sleep. she is kind and funny and i love her a lot.

i’m a bitch tho so like @ this anon go fuck yourself. you better hope that when you die that the devil finds you before i do. sending this ask to a bunch of our friends, trying to turn the people she cares about against her, and for what? you clearly don’t know her well enough to be talking like this. trying to ruin my friend’s reputation and friendships w a vague as hell and entirely baseless copy paste is super fucking weird. why would you do this? and like, do you think we were born yesterday to fall for this? i’m insulted for her for whatever it was you were trying to pull and i’m insulted on behalf of myself and everyone else you sent this to that you think we’re as stupid as you are. what is your damage. get a hobby.

[sebscore]

please write about the gzd doing twitch streams! she would have the most entertaining ones i think. she react to different grill the grid videos and funny f1 videos too.

GLASS HALF FULL KINDA GAL

pairings: f1 grid x driver!reader 

warnings: swearing. drunk reader. 

author's note: someone asked for gzd to do some streaming! I know it's not twitch, but i'm quite happy with the way this turned out! X 

masterlist

• • • • • • •

''Hello, everyone! I am here again, gracing you with my presence!'' Y/N greeted the thousands of people tuning into her Instagram live. 

She waved at the camera. ''I hope everyone had a great day or is about to have a great day, depends on where you live,'' she grinned, ''I'm here to live out my influencer life and unbox a package that has been delivered to me.'' 

Y/N grabbed the box from next to her so it was more visible on the screen. ''My good friend, Daniel Ricciardo sent me a box of his new wine collection,'' she showed the large logo to everyone, holding the box close to the camera, ''and I'm gonna try it out now.'' 

The young driver opens the package and picks out one of the three identical wine bottles. ''So this is called 'DR3 the Third Cabernet Sauvignon' and it was made in the South of Australia.'' She read the label out loud, an impressed look on her face. 

Y/N held the wine bottle up in front of her phone as if she were a Youtuber showing their viewers the make-up product they were using. ''Very, very pretty.'' 

She took the corkscrew that she had quickly grasped before starting the live and easily opened the bottle. ''This isn't my first time at the rodeo, guys.'' Y/N chuckled as she saw fans commenting about how she opened the bottle with ease. 

''Okay, let's taste this baby!'' Filling her glass with wine, she was excited to try Daniel's new wine. 

The young woman made several comedic attempts at seeming like a professional wine expert; smelling the drink and spinning her glass around. 

''Cheers, everyone!'' She tapped her glass against the screen of her phone. 

Y/N took a big sip from the wine, letting out a big ''Ah'' at the end. ''I love this! Holy Moly, Danny Ric!'' She drank from her glass again, immediately filling it up again. ''I'm a fan!'' 

She glanced at the comments, seeing a certain Australian man camping in there. ''Danny! You're here! I just drank it, it's amazing!'' 

| danielricciardo that's some fine wine

| danielricciardo happy you like it 💙

| danielricciardo say hi to me, pls

| danielricciardo HI Y/N!!

''Hi, Daniel! I miss you, haven't seen you in a while.'' Y/N pouted, waving to the camera. ''You better be there in Melbourne! It won't be the same otherwise.'' She said, trying to come across as threatening. 

| danielricciardo will be there 😎

| danielricciardo miss you too 

| landonorris you're drinking again? 

Y/N rolled her eyes at the entrance of the Brit. ''Fuck off, Lando. People who have won a Grand Prix get to drink on a livestream.'' She teased him, a smirk on her face. 

| landonorris okay, that is mean 

| landonorris drink then i guess 

Before she knew it, her once full glass was empty again. ''Let's fill you up, eh?'' She cringed as the words left her mouth. ''Ew- that sounds disgusting. Forget I said that.'' 

''Dan, good thing you put three bottles in here- I'm really enjoying myself and these babies.'' The 'babies' being the wine bottles. 

| alex_albon a Y/N drunk live? don't want to miss that 

''Albono!'' She greeted Alex, excitedly. ''Where is Lily, though? I want her here.'' 

| alex_albon my presence isn't good enough for you? 😒

''No, your presence is not good enough.'' Y/N bluntly answered, grinning from ear to ear. 

She scratched her voice. ''Am I drinking this too fast? My glass is almost done and I refilled it like 2 minutes ago.'' The driver observed her glass, frowning when she saw it was almost empty again. 

| danielricciardo yes, you are drinking too fast

| landonorris no, you're not

| landonorris drink faster 

| landonorris I can drink way faster 😌

''Norris, are you challenging me?'' She raised her eyebrow at the camera as if she was looking at Lando in real life. ''Accepted, Rumple.'' 

| alex_albon this is a disaster waiting to happen

| lilymhe you look lonely, Y/N 😏💋

''Lily! My wife is here, guys!'' Y/N yells as soon as she saw Lily's comment. ''I do look lonely,'' she smirked, ''I bet you can fix that.'' 

| alex_albon STOP IT 

| alex_albon ENOUGH 

| lilymhe wait for me ❤️❤️❤️

''Alex, you stop it with the jealousy! Never let someone's boyfriend stop you from finding your wife, guys!'' She told the viewers as if she was a teacher telling her students about an important subject. 

Y/N took another big gulp from her wine, leaving it empty. ''Should I just drink from the bottle, cause I don't plan on stopping soon.'' She showed said bottle to the viewers as if they could talk back to her. 

''Oh, fuck it.'' She put her glass away and started drinking from the bottle itself. 

| danielricciardo CALM DOWN

| georgerussell63 You worry me sometimes. 

''Go away, Russell George!'' Y/N exclaimed, waving her hand at the camera. ''You only drink tea, you're not allowed to judge me.'' 

''I'm just joking, you can stay.'' The pretend annoyed look on her face was replaced for a genuine smile. ''As long as you don't judge me, you British tall glass of water.'' The driver quickly added with a teasing grin. 

| georgerussell63 I have to go.

| georgerussell63 I have to make tea 😉

| landonorris BYE GEORGE 👋👋👋👋

''Anyway,'' Y/N gave the camera a sassy look, ''we should turn this into a Q&A! If you have questions for me- please leave them in the comments!'' She loudly clapped her hands together, scaring herself at the loud sound. 

| user1 Y/N, are you drunk yet? 

''No, I'm not drunk,'' the woman answered, ''I have a very high alcohol tolerance!'' 

| landonorris she doesn't

| danielricciardo No, you really don't 

| pierregasly you were on the floor after one pastis 😅

''Shut up and when did Pierre get here?'' Y/N shook her head at her colleagues' comments. ''Gasly, you don't know what you're talking about.'' She dismissed his reply, despite knowing he's telling the truth. 

| user2 there's something behind you

Y/N's eyes widened at the comment, slowly looking behind her. ''Dude- fuck off! Don't say stuff like that! I don't have a ghost in my house!'' She put her hand on her heart, feeling the rapid beating underneath her palm. 

''It would be cool to have one, though.'' She thought deeply. ''Like, I would be less lonely and we could keep each other company… I hope they're like, cool, like not a serial killer, you know? Or a child- UGH! Please, don't let it be a child! I like kids, but I don't want to have one and especially not a ghost one.'' 

| landonorris who is youre favourite driver? 🤭

| georgerussell63 It is 'your', Lando. 

| alex_albon your* 

| landonorris don't you have drivers to hit? 

''My favourite driver? Well, Lando, that's an excellent question! My answer is Lewis Hamilton! My favourite McLaren driver of all time.'' She smiled evilly. 

| landonorris 😑

| danielricciardo excuse me

| danielricciardo that's my wine you are drinking 😤

''Danny, you're my second favourite! And my bottle is almost done so you can see that I'm really appreciating the wine.'' Y/N defended her answer, once again showing the bottle to the camera. 

| user3 How old are you? 

''I'm 23!'' She replied, excitedly. ''That's also the amount of brain cells Lando has, funny enough.'' 

| landonorris meanie 

| landonorris I don't want to be your friend anymore 😢

''Wait- we were friends to begin with? Oh, Lando…'' Y/N dramatically shook her head, sighing in feigned disappointment as if she were a teacher upset with her student. ''You have so much to learn about the real world.'' 

''Also, now that we're on the topic of the real world,'' she started off speaking about the new thought that had somehow found its way into her head, ''Pluto.'' 

''Like, I feel so bad for them. They were just chilling, you know? And then on one tragic day, they were just kicked out - as if they were nothing. I wonder how they're doing these days. I was heartbroken when I received the news. The solar system hasn't been the same without them.'' She bumped her fist on her chest and pointed at the sky, shouting Pluto out. 

| danielricciardo pls stop drinking

| danielricciardo you're doing it again

| user4 WHY IS SHE TALKING ABOUT PLUTO BEING KICKED OUT OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM HELP 

| user5 SHES SO DRUNK OMFG 

''That second bottle is looking very sexy right now, I can't lie.'' Y/N eyed the second bottle in the wine box, pursing her lips. 

| alex_albon Y/N NO! 

| pierregasly dude, you're on live 😂😂😂

| user6 DONT DRINK MORE 

''You know when you tell a child that they shouldn't do something, but it makes them want to do it even more? Yeah, that is what's happening right now.'' The driver chuckled, grabbing the bottle out of the box and opening it with the corkscrew. 

''I already know I'm going to regret this, but frankly, I don't give a shit.'' And with that she took a large gulp of the wine. 

| user7 do you want to become world champion this year? 

Y/N gave the camera a side-eye as she read the question out loud. ''I mean… isn't that kinda the point? HA! No, I'm just doing all of this for funsies.'' 

''But Max will probably win this year again… I'm gonna try to not let that happen, but that Red Bull… it's too good.'' She sighed, getting more real thinking about the season. 

''You know… maybe the real World Championship is the friends we made along the way.'' 

| charles_leclerc oh, you are really drunk 😂

| pierregasly I told you, charlito 

| zhouguanyu24 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

| landonorris someone needs to hack her account and stop this 

''Please, don't hack my account.'' Y/N said in a monotone voice. ''Am I acting bad or something? I'm just answering questions, Lando.'' 

| nicorosberg Hello, Y/N! 👋

''BRITNEY!'' The young woman exclaimed as she noticed the former driver's comment. ''You know how this shit works? Damn, what can't Nico Rosberg do?'' 

''You're still my favourite Monaco-based Youtuber, by the way.'' She winked at the camera, pretending it is the German she's winking at. ''I can't believe I have a World Champion watching my Instagram live.'' 

''You really are a legend for 2016, Brit.'' 

| nicorosberg Thank you! 

| danielricciardo I think it's time to log off, Y/N… 

| user8 NOT HER TALKING TO NICO LIKE THAT 😭😭

| user9 Y/N PLS TALK ABOUT BROCEDES WE KNOW YOU GOT THE TEA ☕️☕️

| user10 lewis and seb watching this : 👁👄👁

''Gentlemen, a short view back to the past-''

THE LIVE HAS ENDED

taglist :: @starsanova @missskid @missthem @rosesintj @evans-dejong @thehistoryone @dreamycloudsworld @alonsogirlie @muushmeg @topguncultleader @the-great-adventures-of-me @love13tter @xcharlottemikaelsonx @kiwisa @starkwlkr @nora_moon @princesselle2111 @valluvsu @thatsadsmallchild @babyyoda89 @milkbreadforlife @fxllfaiiry @hc-dutch @its-ash-not-grey @princessbetsy123 @mehrmonga @nyenye @screechingtrashkid @ahnneyong @holybatflapexpert @itsnotgray @beautycinders @rowansshit @uhhevie @revengze @nylaslife @majx00 @multi-universe21 @jaydensluv @isasalom @gentlemonsterjennie1 @appledashhh @breathinfive @lighttsoutlewis @champomiel @ooooohmicky @koufaxx @flannelforthetoads 

@mysticfalls01 @ghostcorazon @mango-bear @totally-random-person @youkissedareaderinthedark @phoenix-luv @hamilton-mount @calcaneous @aurora-maria @idkiwantchocolatee @anonymous-platypus1

[tlouadditc]

screw the cops!!

cop!ellabs x dealer!reader

warnings: 18+, MDNI, smut with plot, mentions of drugs [marijuana], cop!ellabs, dealer!reader, a lil bit of knifeplay, dom!ellabs, sub!reader, use of y/n, reader gets cut a lil bit oops!, probably more but i cant think of it rn

last minute a/n: this was another ask i forgot to put under the question ☹️ anyway thank u for the ask!!

[10:06 pm]

MY FAV ;): heyyy u got an 8th?? i can pick up at the library in 15 :)

you read the text, grumbling as you get up from your couch. you quickly shoot back:

YOU: lmk when ur there

it was supposed to be an off-day; sit in your dorm, watch tv, maybe have someone over, but no. everyone needed your shit at all times. she's lucky she's your favorite -- otherwise you would've told her to fuck off.

locking your door behind you, you get in your car and pull out of your driveway. as you glide through the gentle darkness, you feel random anxiety, like something bad is happening. it could be the lack of sleep. it could be the upcoming deadline you haven't started. it could also be the fact the entire campus is being searched because some dumbass freshman left his- no, sorry, YOUR- weed in his dorm and got the cops called. he didn't snitch luckily; he knows you would've gotten him killed if he did. but now there's a patrol going on until they find who's distributing. it's not like you wanted to live this life- you barely graduated high school, getting a small scholarship to a local college. the debt hit you, parents refused to help you anymore because you're an adult, blah blah blah blah. you ended up here to finally make a stable income and not have to chose between being warm or being fed consistently.

the sob story makes you cringe, snapping back into reality as you park in a spot by the front of the campus library. you pull out your phone and send:

YOU: here. wya

3 bubbles quickly pop up, written with a response:

MY FAV ;): kk coming out now

as you read the text, you hear the front doors swing open and a tall, slim figure gets larger as it comes closer. as she steps into the streetlight, you see her; sophomore dina. her long, onyx hair dances down her back as she comes closer to your car. she rests one arm on your window, other arm reaching into her pocket. she pulls out 35 bucks, tilting her head to the side slightly and smirking. you hand her a small baggie and take the bills out of her hand, shoving it into your pocket. "you're the best," she gushed, taking her arm off your window. she starts to turn to walk back to the library when she says, "oh, by the way, gave my friend your number."

you freeze, looking up at her in pure horror. "you what?"

"okay, chill, she's cool," she quickly explains, putting a hand on her hip in annoyance.

you roll your eyes, "the entire campus is getting fucking raided, for god's sake. cmon, dina."

"so, what? not everyone's a dumbass like that kid was."

you sigh. you guess she's right. plus, more business for you in the long run. she gives some information about this girl; her names ellie. she's a sophomore majoring in astrophysics who transferred from another school in jackson. around 5'5, auburn hair, science nerd. "pretty sure she's gay, too," dina winks.

you roll your eyes once more before pulling out and returning home. as soon as you unlock the door and step in, you check your other phone, an unknown number's texts sitting on the lock screen.

[UNKNOWN NUMBER]: hii this is y/n right?

[UNKNOWN NUMBER]: dina gave me ur number

gotta be ellie, you think to yourself. kinda cute. you don't respond; you hate small talk. no point in trying to get to know each other if you already know what they want. you put your phone down and start to get ready for bed.

an hour later, you get out of your shower and into comfy clothes. as you get into your freshly made bed, your other phone buzzes. you would usually ignore it, but you remember; debate checking the message or leaving it alone until tomorrow. eventually, curiosity gets the best of you and you check your phone. you groan as you read the message:

[11:37pm]

EL: i know its late but can u drop off? i need it :(

goddamnit, leave me alone!

you type up some message along the lines of 'im off today, ask tomorrow bitch,' but decide to be nice. you don't know why, but you only respond with the following:

YOU: off today. ask tmr

3 dots in a bubble move swiftly as a response pops up on your screen:

EL: pleaaaaase itll be quick

you sigh. she's not gonna let up; just like dina.

YOU: fine. ill b at the library.

she hearts your message as you throw on some sweatpants and grab your keys. you go on the same drive but you feel no anxiety this time. it's a newbie, for god's sake- she's the one who's probably nervous. you even put on some music this time, drake lowly lulling in your vehicle. you pull up, same spot as earlier, and you turn down your music. you go to text her, but the doors open before you can press a letter. she's just as dina described- until she gets up to your window. her scattered freckles complimented her bright, emerald eyes. her friendly expression made you soft under her gaze. you didn't realized she was talking for a while until she whispered, "uh... hello?"

"what?" you said, clearly perplexed. she smiled as you remembered what you're there for. she hands you 25 bucks as you place the baggie in her free hand. she lets out a silent "thanks" before you get ready to drive back home.

"uh, actually," she suddenly blurted out, catching your attention. she seemed nervous, like she had something to say, but she was scared of the outcome. "do you mind.. uh.. giving me a ride back home? i mean i walked down here and it's dark so-"

"hop in," you interrupted. it was pretty dark and you wouldn't want patrol on her ass about being out by herself, so you decided to get it over with. she pranced around to the passengers side and practically jumped in.

the ride to her dorm was quiet. ellie was on her phone the entire time; you assumed it was her roommate asking her where she's at. there was a bit of tension you could feel in the air; what type? you couldn't answer that.

coming to a stop at the entrance of her dormitory, she thanked you once again before you prepared to go home yourself.

"you could stay the night," she mumbled, fumbling with the bag in hand.

"what? no- no, i can't do that," you answered. you weren't against staying over, but... going home with someone you literally met an hour ago? absolutely not.

"jus' c'mon. it's late," she insisted, biting her lip anxiously. "plus, i owe you." you sight and give in, turning off the engine and ignition before grabbing your keys and phone and joining her on the walkway. she smiled politely and led you to her dorm.

the entire time you were walking with her, you assessed her appearance in clearer light. her hair was a shaggy cut, parted to the side and tucked behind her ears even though some stray strands still stood. her eyes were welcoming and friendly, giving you a warm feeling of hope. she had a tattoo on her right arm; a fern and a small butterfly. you debate asking her the meaning, but decide against it.

you snap out of your trance when you make it to her door. she unlocks the door and gently pushes it in, leaving room for you to step inside. "come in!"

you take 3 steps inside before you're pushed to the ground and pinned by strong, rough hands. "what the fuc- hey!" you start to shout. you squirm, hopelessly attempting to be freed from the tight grasp of what you thought was a male officer.

"you're under arrest," an unfamiliar, feminine voice states, "for possession and distribution of marijuana. you have the right to remain silent at this time." you see ellie's shoes standing in front of you, silently taunting you as you're handcuffed.

fuck, i should've never trusted her.

you're patted down and escorted to an unmarked car, parked around 30 feet away from your car. the unfamiliar figure is a tall, built woman with a long, blonde braid swinging down her back. her calloused hand grips you tightly as you're being walked. once you reach the vehicle, you're thrown into the back and the door slams in your face. you don't argue or protest; you were caught after one fuck up.

"didn't expect to catch her so easily," ellie brags, slightly looking back at you. you scowl at her, feeling betrayed by not only ellie, but dina, too. she had [hopefully] unknowingly helped them ruin your life. you were for sure not going to be able to finish college now. you wouldn't be able to get a job nice enough to stabilize your life. not to mention the possibility for 5 years of jail time and fees. it all made your head hurt. tears weld up in your eyes as you started to really let reality sink in.

"aw, she's crying," the blonde officer teased, looking at you through the rear-view mirror. you blinked back the tears before spitting out, "fuck you."

"the fuck you just say to me?"

"you heard me; fuck. you."

you could see her jaw clench, her bone well-defined under her skin. "oh, i know you wanna fuck me." a snicker was heard from the auburn girl.

the hell??

it was a weird response, but you decided to play into it. you're already being sent to jail; why not have fun?

"you wouldn't do anything about it if i wanted to anyway."

you saw the blonde's eyes go wide and her jaw drop with disbelief, looking over at her partner. ellie seemed calm, but intrigued by the situation. it was silent, but the way their eyes met was like they were talking through eye contact. ellie tilts her head towards you, signaling something to the other officer. as if she could read her mind, the blonde nods and pulls over to an abandoned alleyway.

"what's going on?" you question, attempting to hide the fear in your voice, but failing miserably. the blonde got out of the car and slammed the door shut as ellie simply answered, "you said we wouldn't do anything, hm?"

a shiver went down your spine as the door to your right opened, the blonde hopping in as you scooted all the way to your left.

"uh-uh, come here," she demanded as her hand wrapped around your neck and dragged you back to her. at this moment, your back rests against her toned thighs, handcuffed hands under your ass, legs laying on the seat.

"you wanna be disrespectful to me and my partner?" she jerks your head up, making you look at her. her sharp features take up your vision as she looks down at you with dark eyes. "you think you were just gonna get away with that? nuh-uh, not on my watch." you take your gaze off her face to read her badge, which reads "ABBY ANDERSON".

you're so focused on abby that you don'r realize ellie is on the other side of you, watching you and abby interact. you feel a sharp object on your jeans, scoring against the material. your head jerks down to see ellie running a pocketknife over your clothed cunt, fear and adrenaline running through you all at once. your breathing picks up speed as she cuts through your jeans, making a hole in the crotch. abby chuckles at your reaction, caressing your face as she coos, "not so tough now, huh?"

you're too caught up in looking at ellie's actions to respond. she puts the knife down, letting a feeling of relief wash over you. she mutters a "fuck it" before placing both hands on either side of the hole she made and ripping your jeans. you gasp, anxiety filling you once more. she smirks up at you, grabbing her knife and running it over your barely covered pussy. she loves the way you try to get away from her knife, silent cries as she gets closer to the meat of your thigh. she slightly cuts into you, small drops of blood racing down your inner thigh. you wince in pain, turning back to abby. "shh, it's okay," she reassures, kissing your sweaty forehead. "just a little cut. you're okay." you feel ellie's warm tongue running over the wound, collecting the red liquid. she kisses near your core, green eyes piercing into you before whispering, "so sweet" and smiling. abby gently kisses you, drawing your attention away from your cut to her and only her. she taps her pointer finger on your chin and whispers "open up", which you obey to. her lips purse together, gathering the liquid in her mouth before a ball of saliva drops into your mouth and onto your tongue. "swallow," she commands, and you close your mouth and swallow it, feeling it slip down your throat. she smiles, tapping your cheek lightly as she praises you. "good girl. she's doing so well, isn't she, el?"

ellie hums, hyper-focused on your pooling pussy. "so wet," she says in awe, "all this gets you off, doesn't it?"

you're oh so needy, cunt begging to be touched in any form. you nod ferociously, whining for any friction on your puffy clit. "you want it, yea? beg for it."

"p-please, ill do anything, just fuck me- ohmygod-" you babble, hips bucking up into ellie's face. she chuckles before looking up to abby, meeting her gaze. "she's been so good for us. give her a lil' reward."

with that, ellie cuts your underwear with one swift movement, completely exposing your pussy to her. she gasps at the sight, glistening skin in the low light. she whispers a spew of curses, spreading you apart as abby kisses you passionately. you moan into the kiss as ellie rubs your bud with her thumb. your noises go straight to her core, making her slightly whimper. she lays a flat tongue on your core, soaking up all of your juices on the pink muscle. abby wraps a firm hand around your throat, restricting airflow enough to make you completely feel ellie on you.

"fuck- oh, my god-" you cry, tears welling up in your eyes once more. the feeling is too much; abby kissing you, ellie eating you out- everything is overstimulating you. ellie smiles against your pussy, sucking on your clit while shoving two fingers in you. you whine and squirm away from her, but her other hand keeps you in place.

"i'm gonna- m'cumming- !!" you breathe, clenching around ellie's long fingers. abby praises you through it; "oh, so good for us, baby." "cum all over her fingers f'me, yes." small kisses are planted on your face once again, soothing you through your orgasm. ellie slowly takes her fingers out with a pop! before shoving one glistening finger into her mouth. she moans at the taste of you, maintaining eye contact with you. "shit, so sweet," she murmurs, looking over at abby. "wanna taste?"

"of course," abby says slyly, glancing over at you before sucking on ellie's middle finger, completely cleaning it off. she moans at the taste, finally letting ellie's middle finger go after a couple of seconds. she pulls you into another sloppy, heated kiss, making you taste yourself on her tongue.

"such a sweet thing," she coos, wiping your face. "too bad we gotta take you in now."

"can't let me off with a warning?"

"we would, but we'd be here for much longer and you'd be more bruised up." abby frowns in a mocking manner.

"so you're taking me in with no pants or underwear?"

"yup. don't underestimate us and, more importantly, don't sell drugs."

a/n: this was so fun to write omg ... part 2 will be coming me thinks

[thebearer]

just thinking about carmy x shy reader who used to have the biggest crush on him when they went to school!! and carmy thought she liked mikey !

oh my god i can totally see him and now i can only think of two ghosts by harry styles ahhhh. little fluff blurb ahead for the soul <3

they go to prom together, their senior year just as friends. carmy bc donna is making him, and you... bc carmy asked you out lol. mikey set the whole thing up, he knew how much you likes carm. you were always coming over and following carmen around like a lost puppy. mikey felt bad for you, sorta, felt bad that you were so hopelessly in love with his oblivious younger brother.

carmen moved to new york and you stayed in chicago, only to reconnect years later at none other than mikey's funeral. carmen looked bad, sad and distant, but there was a glimmer of his old self when he talked to you. familiar. good.

it was a challenge, pushing yourself into the life of carmen berzatto again. two old friends catching up over coffee, first. then going to a ghost tour, because mikey used to swear it was the most entertaining shit (swore he'd see uncle jimmy on there eventually too lol). you'd help him at the beef when he'd call, helplessly needing assistance fixing some odd appliance. he'd make you greasy italian sandwiches and you'd spilt them sitting at the sticky booths, reminiscing.

it wasn't until weeks later, when things started to take a turn for the best. when carmen realized that "oh shit she's like into me into me???" he'd kissed you that night, in your apartment living room. it was rushed and a little sloppy. he'd blushed so hard after that, stammering and nervous in the low light of the room. you'd only grinned, pulling him back in.

"i- fuck- i didn't want to-to come across like that. i just... i'm sorry. i don't know why i... it felt- i don't know, i'm sorry." carmen is a stuttering mess, feeling his heart rate rise and like he might throw up at any given second.

"why are you sorry? i liked it, carmy, c'mon." you just give him a sideways, lopsided grin.

"what? are you- are you fuckin' with me right now? don't... you liked it?"

"of course i liked it. sophomore me is shitting herself right now."

"in a good way?"

you laugh, nodding. "in a very good way. c'mon, bear, don't fuck with me right now." you glare at him playfully. "you don't have to act like you didn't know i was in love with you."

"what?" carmen's eyes bulging tells you otherwise. "you-you... no, you didn't like me. you liked mikey."

"mikey?" you repeat. "carmen... i liked mikey because, i mean he was mikey, everyone liked mikey. but i had a crush on you."

carmen wasn't sure what to say, heart pounding hard in his throat, strangling the words. "really?"

you nodded, grinning gently. "i mean, you were too obsessed with claire bear to notice-"

"-oh, c'mon. don't do that." carmen cringed shaking his head.

"you did!" you laughed, jabbing his chest lightly. "you'd always talk to her in math and sketch all those pictures." you tried not to sound as hurt as your fifteen year old self had been. how you'd cried into your pillow when you found them. how you tried to make yourself look just like claire, act like her too so maybe carmen might notice you.

carmen blushed, looking down at his shoes. "well, i, uh... if it makes you feel any better. i-i was drawin' you too, ya know." he couldn't look at you, blushing positively boyishly at the admission.

it was silly. so silly and so sweet and it shouldn't have made you feel the way you did, but it did. you kissed him, two hands on the side of his cheeks, tumbling back on the sofa with him. a long, overdue kiss.

the next day, carmen asked you to come by the beef, telling you there was something that got dropped off for you while trying to figure out bills.

you opened the envelope to find a faded, crumpled piece of notebook paper, the light etchings of you on it with the algebra homework from mr. weir's junior year class.

[papil0nglegs]

Fallen angel!Adam x Moth Healer!Reader

Chapter 3: The beautiful light

(Ch.1) (Ch.2) (Ch.3)

Warnings: Swearing, nightmares, cannibalism, and smoking

A/n: Just wanna thank all the peeps that were able to vote on the poll I made a few days ago <33 Had no idea what to do for the story so voting really helped me. Also this one’s kinda L O N G, I just had a lot of ideas for this part. (Also this song just reminded me of this fic listen to it PLS)

Adam’s pov:

Another weird ass dream, ever since I moved in this chicks hip-dip apartment I’ve been getting them. It’s mostly the day of the extermination, I can’t believe I didn’t turn back as soon as they started fighting back. Now I let everyone in heaven down, even Lute.

Whatever, I need to go wiz. I should probably stay quiet otherwise that butterfly bitch might wa-

Third dream pov (idk what to call it):

Before Adam can finish his thoughts, he looks towards the mirror, revealing his angel form but severely injured, and with a large gaping wound in his chest, surrounded by blood. Adam lets out a startled yelp, backing up against the bathroom door, awakening him.

Normal third pov:

Adam wakes up, startled at his new dream. He had still been lying on the couch, but his eyes wider than ever. He sits up, some of the leather couch sticking against his sweaty body, scratching the back of his head. The grey morning sky shined between the window blinds, he wanted to go back to sleep, but who could after a dream like that?

Adam rushes to the bathroom, quickly opening the door and turning on the lights, heading straight to the mirror. He gently touches his left horn, feeling a mix of relief but also disappointment that he’s back in his new body.

A lousy cough escapes his chapped lips, feeling that his throat is dry, and decides to get water from the kitchen tap, grabbing a mug and filling it up with water. Sure it tasted weird and warm, but he didn’t care. He chugged the nearly the whole thing in one sip, with some water spilling from the cup to his chin hairs. Adam slams the cup against the table.

Suddenly, a displeasing alarm goes off in the distance. He realizes that he’s not alone in here, what could that alarm be for tho? Y/n steps out of from her room still in her pajamas, yawning.

“Oh Adam!... What are you doing up this early?” She asks while heading to the kitchen. “I dunno man, just felt like it.” He responds in annoyance, “What are you doing up this early? You’re the one with the annoying ass alarm.”

Y/n rolls her eyes a bit while opening the fridge and taking out a box of frozen waffles, “I just have somethings to do today, so I thought I’d wake up early. I’m planning to pick up something from cannibal town.” She begins putting some waffles in a toaster while making herself a latte. “Gasp, you should totally come!!” Y/n exclaims excitedly.

Adam looks alarmed, offended even, and just stairs in confusion. “Y/n, why in the fuck, would I want to go anywhere, in this miserable place.” He says in a brutally honest manner. “I mean seriously, are you blind? Have you seen what goes on out there??” Adam pulls y/n to the window opening the blinds, revealing a guy getting his brains blown out.

Y/n cringes at the sight, “okay yeah it’s not great, but cannibal town is pretty enjoyable! Cmon you’ll see what I mean when we go there, plus you get to try out those wings of yours.” She says pointing at his scaly two scaly things, leading Adam to spread one of them a bit.

Y/n stares at Adam waiting for an answer, he sighs in annoyance, “eugh, fine I’ll go. Whatever means I can crash in here.” She then jumps in excitement, “Yess!! Also you’re going to have to pay at least half of the rent here if you wanna stay.” (He really thought 😭)

Time skip: 2hours

Adam waits on the couch waiting for y/n to finish up getting ready, y/n was lucky to find her old roommates clothes in his size. He has a leather jacket, along with black jeans and a Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt. He’s wearing the same boots he wore when he got here tho, he thought they’d look good with his jacket. Adam flinches at the sudden steps of y/n who just finished up, walking in the room.

“Sorry, I didnt scare you did I?” She says chuckling whilst brushing her hair. She had a long forest green skirt, along with a brown laced top and a cardigan that only reached her elbows. “So do you wanna fly or walk there? I can teach you how!”

Adam realizes, he has to pretend he doesn’t know how to fly, otherwise she might get suspicious. He assumes that since one angel has fallen, then there must be a shit ton. He can’t let her know that he’s the reason for the exterminations. “yeah, yeah totally totes you can definitelyteachmehowtoflymanandstuffhahahha” He rambles on while his eyebrows are furrowed and making finger guns to him, noticeably sweating his ass off.

Y/n notices this, then coming to a conclusion. “I know why you’re nervous, Adam..” She says gently, while looking up at him. Adam panics, nearly choking on his spit, “Ar-Ar you serious?”

“Yeah..

you must be afraid of heights!” She exclaimed happily, truly a eureka moment for this woman. Adam sighs in relief, the most unbearable relief anyone has ever felt. “I knew it from the moment I saw you, it’s always the tall ones.” She says shaking her head. “We don’t have to fly, Adam. It’s only a mile or two away, we’ll get there in no time!” Y/n adds picking up her messenger bag. “Now, let’s get going!” She says with a bright smile.

As they step onto the sidewalk, y/n notices that Adam seems a bit cautious. Normally when he was in hell it was to commit a massacre, not having to worry about a sinner hurting them because-well they couldn’t at the time. But now things are different, he’s one of them now.

“Relax,” Y/n starts, “just stay out of trouble, and stick with me. Oh and also watch your step, these guys are open to just taking a dump anywhere they’d like.”

The two begin to walk on the dirty sidewalk, y/n being extra careful about where she’s walking, but Adam doesn’t really mind stepping on a used condom or some junkies bag of coke.

“So, what’s it like up there?” Y/n asks, Adam gets alarmed at her question, stuttering a bit. “uuuUUP WHERE?”

“On earth! I heard that the sky is blue instead of red. And the animals there are not as scaly” y/n begins to stroke the soft hairs on her left wing, she was truly torturing this poor man. “How do the animals look here?” He asks, before y/n can respond,

splat!

A large red fleshy snake falls onto the ground, not really moving that much, just there. “I think that should answer your question” y/n then walks over the seemingly dead snake, while Adam does the same.

“So like, what do you guys do here all day?” Adam questions while sneering at the explicit posters causally displayed out in the open. “I mean, that depends on who you’re asking. Most people go on a rampage as soon as they get here, at least from what I see.” Y/n shrugs. “But sometimes you find a stable part of hell, or at least as stable as hell can be.” Adam becomes slightly intrigued about what she’s saying about hell. “Like, I work at a cafe around here. It’s nice but it’s a bit hard to keep up the wage when angels and demons wreck the place every now and then.” She says sadly, Adam feeling a wave of shame, that she has to live in constant fear while working because of others, and sometimes him.

Eventually, both y/n and Adam finally enter cannibal town. Adam being a bit wary, since he sees many familiar faces around the place, but not for good reason. Y/n then noticing, “Adam? You don’t look so good, is something wrong?” She questions. Adam begins to snap out of his cautious mode, “uhh, yeah?It’s not like on earth people are open to just eating each other out in the open-and NOT in the good way.” He scoffs, pointing to a gentlemen eating another’s guts out. “Oof, Rosie might wanna get that checked at.” Y/n says looking over at where Adam is pointing.

“And who the hell is Rosie??” Adam asks pretty loudly, “The mayor, but I’m sure she’s busy today. Anyways, I’m gonna go to the florist shop. Whole I go you can..” Y/n begins to look around, trying to find a place for Adam to get distracted, then finding a smoke store nearby. “-go to the smoke shop!” She suggests pointing nervously to the shop, hoping that her assumption wouldn’t offend him.

Adam stared at the shop for a bit, he had smoked before, but it was mostly when he was able to disguise himself as a human and go to earth. But he hasn’t done that in a while, last time he smoked he found himself passed out at the back of some hippies van. Ever since Sera made sure he was always watched whenever he went to earth.

“…yeah sure I’ll go smoke.” He submits. Y/n taking a breath of relief, “good! I’ll be in the shop if you need me” Y/n quickly gives him a nice 50, then going off to the flower shop.

Adam finishes his shopping trip pretty quickly, to be fair all he had was 50$ and the store was quite small. He just bought a bubbler and a pack of cigarettes, along with a lighter of course. He sits on a bench that had been between the two stores, then smoking one of the cigarettes.

He sat on that thing for at least 6 or 7 minutes. As he was sitting, he did notice that this place was nicer than every other part of hell. A bit weird to think about, how just a few days ago they were trying to kill each other. A huge gust of wind blows his cigar onto the floor, and into a puddle to his left. His attention is then drawn into the reflection for a few seconds, but he shrinks away from the pain of realizing he’s a demon now, and turns away closing his eyes.

After a good 9 minutes, y/n comes out with a woven basket of lavender, as well as candles with flowers inside of them. “Oh I took so long didn’t I?” She apologizes. “They just had a great sale on candles I couldn’t resist!” Y/n begins to sit down with Adam, hoping to rest a bit after standing round for a bit. “So, how have your last few days been down here?”

“Shitty. Do you have any eyeliner?” Adam replies manspreading, him being slightly slouched down. Y/n then scurries in her bag, hoping to find some. “I didn’t strike you as the type to wear eyeliner.” She chuckles, handing him the small stick along with a hand mirror. “What shape do you like putting it? I like a thin feline, it’s cute but basic.” Y/n shrugs, “Do I look like Jeffery star to you? I don’t know the fuckin species of eyeliner.” He laughs shaking his head giving himself a soft Smoke. Y/n laughs along with him, setting down the basket of lavender and candles between them.

“I got the lavender stuff for you.” Y/n says, Adam pauses, looking over at y/n. “…you’re not that smart are you?” Adam stares judgmentally, y/n taking lots of offense to his comment but keeping quiet. “Why do I need flowers right now? I don’t need a pity gift, especially if they’re some fucking flowers.” Adam scoffs. “No, they aren’t a pity gift or anything, I can tell you haven’t slept peacefully ever since you’ve gotten here.” Y/n removes a bit of the cloth on the basket to take one of the lavenders out. “These will be able to help you, I can make tea out of them and they’ll help you out. Or we can use the aromatherapy I got with it too, just in case you don’t like tea.” Y/n offers, she reaches over to gently grab Adam’s hand places it on hers.

“I know you’re going through a lot Adam. You don’t have to tell me why, but I need you to know that hiding your feelings wont do any good for you.” She explains giving a worried but weirdly comforting look at him, “so please, let me help you.”

Adam stares into y/n’s maroon and green eyes. He then feels as if a big weight of pressure left his chest, he’s never been able to have a person understand him like this. Especially when they don’t really know who he is. Tears slowly form in his red eyes, as y/n pulls him in for a hug. Feeling the warmth in her body made him feel safe in a way, that he could trust her. That she can always help him when he needs it. He didn’t know the exact words for it, but all he knew is that he hadn’t felt this way ever since Eden.

Adam’s dream pov:

Both Adam and y/n had gotten back to the house, it was a nice trip back since Adam finally trusted her a whole lot more. Once they got back y/n gave Adam some lavender tea, sure he would rather drink a cup of literal vomit than tea but he was desperate to sleep soundly for once. Hell, he could even sleep in jeans if we wanted to.

Adam practically throws himself on the couch, immediately going to sleep as soon as his cheek hits the pillow. He dreams of nothing but a void of darkness, as others do, but in that void he sees a familiar face in it, carrying a beautiful light with it. As the light came closer, it transformed into something Adam can only described as beauty.

He wasn't sure who it was tho, he's seen many women in his life, but he couldn't poke out who it was, only little things.The way she laughed, felt like small bubbles popping in his head. and her teeth coming from her smile, like beams of light, peaking through clusters and clusters of trees. And her eyes, oh her gorgeous eyes, like two pearls shining against the sunlight. Whoever it was, was truly gorgeous. But who was it?

Lilith?

Eve?

Lute?

No, it can’t be

You just met her..

Y/n? ♡

[avelera]

Headcanon: ADHD Hob and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

So I went down the rabbithole on ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (and found this lecture that legit made me tear up if you have or think you have ADHD, go listen to it here) and it got me thinking, as everything is wont to do, about Hob Gadling and how if he had ADHD, which I think there's lots of fun in-text hints at that at least allow that interpretation, what are some other ways that could manifest besides his ebullient and never-ending love of life in all its endless variety?

So as sufferers of ADHD know, it's not all fun and games. The flip side of living with a dopamine-starved brain that's always seeking out new experiences and seeing the world through that lens is that other emotions slam us hard too, like rejection sensitivity dysphoria aka, "the most minor criticism can feel like an actual knife in the chest, no I don't mean mildly bummed out, I mean full on fight-or-flight brain meltdown because someone told you a comma is in the wrong place in your manuscript (not that I'm speaking from personal experience yes it's that dumb)".

ANYWAY, so I'm thinking about Hob and RSD and specifically 1789.

Specifically the line, "It's just how it's done," referring to horrific practice of human trafficking and how Hob basically shrugs while, to his minor credit, looking suddenly uncomfortable and guilty, about the fact he actively profits from this industry, and the way he cringes in on himself when called out kinda seems to indicate that he knows it's a vile practice and isn't super comfortable with being reminded of his fact by someone he respects, like Dream.

A couple notes on that little exchange between Hob and Dream:

1 ) The face Ferdinand Kingsley-as-Hob makes in that moment is absolute textbook adult ADHD rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Namely, the point where you know criticism hits you like a knife in the heart, particularly from people you respect, and you just have to cover that flinch of literal physical pain with a careful poker face.

The way Hob's tone suddenly goes cold and with his very genteel, received-pronunciation manners he levels Dream with perhaps the closest he's ever come at this point to lashing out, "You're giving me advice...?"

I'm not saying that canonically it's RSD, or that neurotypical people don't suffer pain and disappointment when receiving disapproval, but to my eyes at least, Ferdie Hob takes Dream's comment very seriously, much more so than the comic counterpart did (who needed multiple nudges before he even realized what Dream was trying to tell him about getting out of the shipping business and still seemed a bit clueless about why Dream would want that or care by the end).

2 ) Going into proper headcanon territory, I personally chart Hob's journey from destitute to wealthy slave trader as the product of someone who stopped giving a shit about others after everything he suffered in the 1600s. To be perfectly clear, this is not a fucking excuse for it, it's an examination of motives.

Because technically, after everything Hob suffered in the 1600s, he could have emerged with more empathy for the plight of others. But clearly that didn't happen. From an entirely human motivation level, that leads me personally to the conclusion that since no one helped Hob when he was at his lowest (not even Dream, though I dearly wish it was otherwise and wrote extensively on what would have happened if he had) that led him to the belief, put simply, that fuck the world so long as he got his. Why should he care about anyone else if no one cared about him?

But to go back to the topic of this essay, RSD, there's an additional element to that theory on why and how Hob leaned into not giving a shit about others, and that missing factor from what's described above is the element of everyone is doing it. Specifically worded as, "It's just how it's done."

Another really fascinating lecture I listened to on ADHD talked about how the most common trauma reaction ADHDers have to their sense of rejection, shame, and guilt that comes the way our brains react to the world is by hiding. And that also got me thinking about 1789 Hob in this context.

Because Hob as we see him in 1589 is loud in his happiness. He's sitting there, bold as brass in the middle of the White Horse, showing off his wealth with a banquet, loudly declaiming about how he pretended to be his own son twice, worked in the Tudor shipyards (what would have been 50+ years before) and just how he spent the last 100 years working his way up to his knighthood. The man does not have an ounce of caution in him. But, he is also by far the happiest we ever see Hob (up until Dream ditches him in the middle of their date).

This is important because to my eyes, Hob is living openly and unashamed and with only the barest hint of caution typified by pretending to be his own son every couple decades. The way he describes his last 100 years sounds like an ADHD dream, basically getting a boat load of money from Caxton's printing press (basically the first tech startup unicorn of the modern era) and then running around wherever his interests took him where he also made money hand over fist, kept climbing, and eventually reached the point where he could purchase the acclaim and regard of a member of the (albeit minor) nobility. All of this after being born a peasant. That's just validation and money and prestige and getting to pursue your special interest and live as your authentic self all over the place. And I do mean authentic, Hob doesn't even seem particularly worried about talking openly in the White Horse about being 200+ years old, a strong case could be made that he's not that careful in his personal life either.

So anyway, Hob has this amazing century literally followed by the worst century imaginable, filled with the sort of horrors that can tear a man's soul asunder. Losing his family, his beloved wife in childbirth with their new baby, his adult son, his home, his money, everything he spent a century building. His title and name are gone too because of the nature of how he lost it with the accusation of witch craft, which also means he can't just fake being his own son again to get it all back because they're explicitly going to notice that this time.

And how did this all happen? Because Hob got noticed. He lived there 40 years, overconfident is his own words. Which is a wild thing to say about a bunch of witch hunters showing up at his door! He blames himself for being drowned as a witch. On the one hand, I imagine he has to think that way because otherwise he has to admit to the sheer brutal randomness of life, so in a way he's trying to take control of the narrative by blaming himself.

But it also smacks of ADHD again because ADHDers very commonly shift the blame onto themselves after years of their unique nervous system response making them a round peg in a square hole of wider society. We learn over and over that the mistakes we make are our fault, because of "laziness" or "apathy" which isn't apathy at all but deep agony over our inability to accomplish tasks in a neurotypical way without the support we need, but I digress. But it sure sounds like Hob may have been paralyzed by grief for literal decades and then blamed himself for not getting the mental spoons together in that context to move on and reinvent his life after losing his wife and child. Which would be a very ADHD thing to do.

So after this absolutely brutal smackdown by reality for living too openly, too loud, too ADHD, getting paralyzed by the powerful emotions he felt (if we follow the headcanon) over the grief and loss in his life, what is Hob's next step?

Hiding.

Blending in.

Not rocking the boat.

And again, not excusing it, there's plenty of other industries he could have gone into to blend in that didn't involve human trafficking. That said, if he went to sea, which we know Hob did on many occasions from the comic, it would be seen by his peers there at sea as a normal way to make one's fortune, and then.... well, we have as evidence that this is his current peer-group the sort-of pride with which Hob announces how he's making his fortune these days in the "shipping business", as if he's expecting Dream's approval.

That to me, reads a bit like the people pleaser/social chameleon aspect of ADHD. Hob is expecting to be praised for being successful by Dream the way he would likely be praised by his peers in the shipping business or among the wealthy privileged men of England. He's so steeped in that world now that he's clearly taken aback when Dream takes the (at the time more radical but not uncommon) stance of, "This is wrong."

And Hob knew it. But he was blending in. He was going along with how things are done. He wasn't rocking the boat. He has other hints at trauma responses too, "salting money around the world" in case there's political upheaval, for example. This is not the loud, boisterous Sir Robert Gadlen untouched by loss or trauma. He has been humbled and tempered and, indeed, made afraid by what happened to him.

This sort of wild swing towards protectiveness? Again, also ADHD. As the lecturer I linked first noted, ADHDers are textbook defenders. They are always defending themselves from the world that can suddenly, unexpectedly, plant a knife in their heart because of a perceived rejection. From a world that wants their brain to work in a way it doesn't, so they have to come up with myriad painful coping mechanisms to fit in, blend in, mask, and function. Hob was forced to protect himself after the 1600s, so he did, with money, and with not caring about other people, and with insulating himself from privilege, and becoming a social chameleon.

1589 Hob tries to earn back Dream's interest, but he doesn't fawn. Dream shows interest in Shaxberd and Hob, already starting to get irritated, tells him no, Shaxberd is crap.

And you can tell in 1789 that Hob is thinking about that day again when he gets Dream's disapproval, because who does he reference? That lad, Will Shaxberd. He's fearing rejection and abandonment again, or at least it's crossed his mind after Dream's admonishment. But this time, Hob is fawning more, very nearly flirting. He's trying to play the game better this time, trying to keep Dream's interest, social chameleoning the subject onto safer topics, things he thinks will interest Dream, as Shaxberd so clearly did, so let's talk about him if that's what you care about. Again, another ADHD social chameleon, people pleaser aspect. We are nervous empaths, we are constantly picking up a bazillion signals both real and imagined. And we're so fucking terrified of that RSD knife in the heart, we become people pleasers to avoid it. After the shipping business brag fell through, Hob pivots to talking about Dream and what, in his experience, Dream seems to like and talk about favorably.

So anyway, many many ADHD-esque rambling words later, there's a few more little details I'd add to the list of "possible ADHD behavior, not just the fun parts" for Hob Gadling. Is it canon? Maybe not. But it does make for a great headcanon, in my opinion.

[eluminium]

SKIZZ WEEK 5!!! THE GRIND CONTINIUES!!!

How the fuck did this one GET SO LONG????? AND HOW DID I FINISH IT IN TIME??? IT'S A MIRACLE!!!! I probably won't be able to finish day 6 on time due to LIFE STUFF but TRUST ME I AM GOING TO GET THE DAYS I MISSED DONE.

As always: @skizzlemanweek is the goat for giving us all these prompts!

Prompt 5: Stars/Hearts

-

A serene desert night. Something surprisingly rare, but more common in solo worlds. The hostile mobs keep away while the passive and neutral have long since fallen asleep. Out in the endless dunes, nothing moves. A true quiet.

That quiet swiftly comes to an end when a man with tussled black and grey hair crawls out of his tent. A simple t-shirt and a pair of loose shorts cover his scarred body, very unlike his usual outfit of choice. In his grip is a ridiculously large bath towel and a thicker blanket as well as a lantern. His feet are bare of any dress, and he relishes the feeling of sand brushing against them. What he likes less is the sudden chill graciously given to him by the desert’s nightly winds. He quickly ties the blanket around him like a cape. 

“Brrrr! I’m freezing my butt off! Kevin! Come out here!” He calls into the night. The previously still as a coffin tent bursts into activity as a “Woof!” erupts out of it. A medium-sized reddish-brown dog leaps out and bounces over to the man’s side. His tail wags like a metronome on steroids.  

The man's hearty laugh soars over the desert dunes as he leans down to give his dog some TLC. “Who’s my big puppy? Who’s my favorite in the whole wide world? Who’s my Kevin Bubbles Malone Jimmy Madeye Dugan? Yes, you are! You are!” He coos as Kevin rolls around and coats his fur in sand. When the man stands back up, Kevin copies him. The dog takes a few steps before-

“No, boy, don’t!” He borderline begs, but it’s too late. Sand goes flying everywhere as Kevin rids himself of the coarse and itchy feeling. 

“Augh! Bubbles! Bad dog! Now I got sand in my jibblets!” He pouts while trying to brush said sand off. Kevin tilts his head but otherwise continues to pant at him. 

He sighs with frustration and fondness as he walks away from the tent. "I can't be mad at you for long, it's not fair" He grumbles as Kevin walks attentively by his side, sniffing the air in search of any stray mobs who would dare to show their faces. But the desert is still quiet. Only the steps of the man and his dog as well as the lonely winds echo through the landscape. They keep walking with a clear goal in mind, each step intentional.

Until the man spots his destination in the distance. A giant vaguely circular glass donut-looking thing. The moonlight reflects beautifully off its slightly wonky surface, casting the area around it in an ethereal glow. With a cheer the man breaks out into a run, his loyal Kevin right behind him barking up a storm.

"Here it is, Kevin! Our overnight home!" He explains excitedly while throwing the giant towel over his shoulder so he can summon a silk touch pickaxe from his inventory. With it, he breaks just a few blocks of glass and steps inside. Kevin jumps in after with no hesitation. With everyone accounted for, the hole disappears as he refiles it. He wastes no time getting to work by spreading the massive towel over the sand. It's big enough to take up most of the ground inside the glass donut. After that, he places down a few other supplies before he unties his blanket cape.

"Sleeping under the desert stars on a clear night has been a bucket list item for a while, dude. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!" He says as he lays down on the towel. However, a cringe crosses his face when he feels the packed sand against his back. "Ouch! I thought it would be softer!" He exclaims. His solution is to wiggle his body around and create an imprint of his body into the sand. It's better...but not by much. It's good enough for now though, and he calls over Kevin who happily snuggles up to him.

With no more distractions, the man turns his eyes to the sky. And what a sight it is. A massive tapestry of light and color upon an ink-black background greets him. Hundreds if not thousands of stars scattered across the sky in an undescribable dance. The moon, ever the overachiever, shines bright and full. The spectacle of the scene before him fills every bit of his body with childlike wonder. He almost feels out of breath, and he's just lying there!

"Woah..." He mumbles.

With a clumsy hand, he points toward six stars located near each other. "See that Kevin? That's the Pickaxe." His hand then moves towards seven new stars. "And that's the Universal Bell." For a last time, he points to a cluster. "And that's the Head of the Great Dragon."

Suddenly, a distant feeling of fear hits him. His hand falls back down to Earth, and a frown decorates his face. "We really are miniscule, huh Kevin? We're tiny, insignificant little ants in the face of the Universe. Isn't that crazy?" Maybe he's the crazy one for talking to his dog alone in the desert. Kevin, for his part, continues to snore.

"Nothing we do matters on that scale. We can create a million solo worlds, yet it won't even make a blip on the radar!" He continues, the slight fear building strength in his chest.

"It's so vast. Borderline infinite. And I'm just one player out of millions...Maybe one of them is looking up right now, thinking the same thing. Mathematically that's gotta be the case. A million's a big number, and there's probably even more than that..." This ramble has to stop if he wants to keep that existential crisis at bay. Because at this rate he's on the minecart heading to the stress station!

He sighs and refocuses his eyes on the sky. It glows back at him just as before.

"Maybe we gotta focus less on what we can influence in the big picture and more on what we can influence in the small picture." He says, trying to inject some optimism into his tone. "Maybe the only impact we really need to make is the impact on those around us. Friends, family, other loved ones..."

He looks down at his beloved canine companion sleeping next to him. A smile creeps up on his face. Even just looking at Kevin's peaceful mug makes a happiness bubble in him. He giggles to himself. "I guess you're doing great on that front, Bubbles," He pets Kevin's head carefully to not wake him up. Afterward, he looks back up in the sky. 

"I could talk to my brothers more. Maybe invite Dop, Top, and Bop to do some silly challenges together. Or I could hit up Logic and get him to show me his newest duds. Maybe Pearlie Pop can help me build something for the fun!" Yeah! Yeah, that would be delightful! That would be great!

...Except that all of them are parts of servers he has no access to. And are also very busy. Well, that takes the wind out of his sails.

"Man, this sucks!" He pouts, trying to drown the genuine pang of loneliness with overdramatic sulking. But there's no one around to find it funny. His palm falls to his face.

"Dang it, Skizz!" Now he's just back in the sad. He shakes his head, this is not a productive mindset to have while alone in the desert under the infinite sky!

"You know what? They'll invite me to Hermitcraft next season. Then I'll have all the time in the world to hang out with my buddies!" He claims dramatically to bullshit his way out of this.

Then he stops.

Impulse is being cagey lately...Gem accidentally referred to him as a Hermit...Tango seems uncharacteristically excited about season 10...

Could it be?

A part of his mind screeches on instinct. Of course not! This hasn't been the first time he thought he was gonna get invited! And him? Hermitcraft? Yeah, sure. Like that would ever happen!

But, perhaps just this once, the other parts of his mind beat back those thoughts, and he gets to indulge in the possibility. Him on Hermicraft. With his friends. His brothers. And so many new people to get to know. A happy smile settles on his face at the thought. Wouldn't that be something? To have a proper home server again? Be able to look at the sky with those he loves the most. 

With that scenario in his mind, the starry sky above him doesn't look nearly as beautifully intimidating. Because if he's with his friends, he's in the right place. His place.

Eager to quit while he's ahead and to prevent those doubting thoughts from making a comeback, he summons the final pieces of his glass donut stargazing sleep place thing. Some glass, and a pillow. The glass is quickly used to cover the ceiling so no spiders or sandstorms could ruin his nap. The pillow lands where the indent of his head is under the sand. Somehow, Kevin doesn't stir, still sleeping away peacefully. The man, now very tired, lays back down on his towel and cozied up in the thick blanket. He gives a quick kiss to his dog's head, mumbles a "good night" and passes out on the spot.

But before he sinks into the sweet comfy unconsciousness, a vague memory, almost a dream, comes to him. It's a fragment of something players can never fully remember, but they hold it dear all the same.

Does it know that we love it? That the universe is kind?

Sometimes, through the noise of its thoughts, it hears the universe, yes.

[tommarvoloriddlesdiary]

wip wednesday

thank you for the tag @racfoam @cringe-queasy @leafiloaf and @reggieblk 🥹 it is always an honour

tagging: everyone 😭 i'm sorry i still don't know a lot of people. and the people i do know have been tagged 🤦

i had a difficult time selecting a wip. i suppose this is my fault for having too many and never getting anything done before starting sixty more 🤦 and how long are these meant to be? i'm not sure. have this:

He didn’t believe in ghosts. Isn’t that how it always starts? Harry didn’t remember the first time. Or the second, the third, fourth, or fifth. Harry did, however, remember meeting him. Though, it’s not a memory he liked to dwell on often.  Harry had gotten quite good at disregarding the stains in his vision. The smudges that sulked just in his periphery. He learned how to ignore them, to avoid the whispers and stares, the pointing fingers from giggling children, and the concerned shared glances of his teachers.  He hadn’t yet grasped an understanding of shifts in reality. Of identifying when very real-looking things were not very real at all. At least not real to anyone else.  Because for Harry, who walked into walls people couldn’t see and whose skin bore scars from his curious nature provoking his detriment, there was no difference. Both realities were single, the same.  It was his…anomalousness that spurred their fated meeting.  As it happened, Harry was an easy ride for the lost, the damned. Something bright, whole, and alive that blipped in and out and promised the sweet, sweet temptation turned attainable chance at a second try—a do-over.  And though these damned, untethered and unable to pass on, appeared mutilated and broken, missing in more than just soul—they were people once. They are people still beneath the guilt and sorrow and anger.  In all, alive or otherwise, there was a desperation that couldn’t be snuffed out. Harry knew they saw him as a saviour, a beacon, a host. He also knew this desperation left them unaware of the harm they caused and the scars they left. Harry was too headstrong to let go. They tried to overpower him and failed. But Harry wasn’t always strong enough to keep himself safe and wasn’t always privy to his powers. He fought for Harry and taught him how to stay alive. “You’re thinking about me again,” a pleased voice interrupted Harry’s thoughts. It laughed at his disgruntled face, the sound humming from just beside him. “I am not,” Harry insisted and continued moving through the rubble of the fallen house around them. Scorched wood and ash still hot and popping.  “Come now, Harry. I’ve known you long enough to know what that look means. Hardly ever is it about anyone else.”  “Says a lot about you, then. Don’t you think?” “Oh, hush,” Voldemort walked a step further, blocking Harry’s path for just a moment. His towering height and dark mass blocked nearly everything else from sight. “You were much cuter as a child, you know. Coming to me for advice, hiding away in my protection, calling us Soulmat—“ Harry pressed his hands to his ears, “Get out of my head! Stop shuffling through my thoughts— you have no right.” Voldemort’s teasing wisps turned sharp. “No right? I have every right. You repressed me for half a decade and summoned my help like no time was lost, expecting me to go along with your desperate little attempts to make friendly with the beings on this side of the line even though we both know you’ll never fit in here or there.” Harry scoffed, “Typical. You’re acting out because I needed a little space? We’ve been attached at the hip longer than I can remember, and you’re throwing a fit because I asked for some time to sort things out—time that, for you, is so stupidly inconsequential that it’s laughable.” “What can I say, Harry?” Voldemort sighed all dramatics and grating callousness. His sarcasm was scathing enough to scatter Harry with the house’s ashes, “Ever since we met, all my time seems to revolve around yours.” “Great. I hope you had a fucking miserable five years.” Voldemort crept even closer. “What a tongue you have in you today. It would be a shame to cut it out so soon when we’ve spent so long apart.” Now Harry was sighing. He pinched the bridge of his nose, disrupting his glasses, “Alright. I’m being an asshole; I get it.” But so was Voldemort.  “I heard that.” You were meant to, Harry thought viciously and stalked around him to survey the damage like they were supposed to be doing. 

[xatsperesso]

I wonder if there is a possibility of Clara's mom and Amu-chan became mom friends, or something similar in demon world, I think that would be so cute.

Fuck that's so cute. I can see it, Clara's mom dragging amu-chan around to do various things and amu-chan indulging with her cause Clara's mom (wait what's her name? Gimme a sec...she doesn't have a name :< so im just calling her mrs valac) is fun to hang around and is just so pure and a general ball of sunshine and motherly love and her antics are just so unexpected and new!

And mrs valac is hanging around with amu-chan cause oh! our kids hang out with each other we should totally hang out too!! And most of the times they're either talking about their kids and their antics and the absolute cutest memories they have or going out and somehow ending up doing the weirdest shit together because mrs valac is a Valac and amu-chan is one of the 13 crowns so she must have been around for a long time, and when you've been around this long you tend to avoid social norms and just do whatever sounds fun! (or chaotic)

Also no one can convince me that if they became friends mrs valac wont make amu-chan participate in her own Jibber-jabber forest play-all-day tour, and i am more than ready to deck anyone who thinks that amu-chan would cringe from the dirt, like excuse me amu-chan is 100% someone who enjoys gardening! no one can convince me otherwise. She has nothing against getting her hands dirty (in more ways than one)

Also their's no way amu-chan wont relish in showing her friend her dearest son's deepest, darkest secret

his baby photos >:3

And now somehow clara has access to azz's baby photos and is showing them to everyone in the abnormal class, and lets just say the royal one room has accidentally caught on fire :)

[xjulixred45x]

Greed x Albina!Reader/Fullmetal Alchemist BROTHERHOOD

Genre: Headcannons

reader: female

Warning: Does Greed count as Warning?, Some discrimination, add some more general things with the gang, fluff. (I specifically use Greed shortly before the events of the Anime😭).

Everybody's wondering how the hell you two ended up together.

You ended up in a certain way in the gang precisely because you were a chimera. A bat specifically, but everything bad about one, that is, photosensitive, you couldn't tolerate the sun, your eyesight was BAD, etc.

But the plus side is that you have great night vision! Which was great for late night heists! It was the first reason they accepted you.

Although of course, you were conquering everyone with your personality faster than they want to admit little by little, well, except Bido, he was at your feet from the beginning.

I'm not going to lie, Greed was physically attracted to you, and also the idea of the "innocent" image falling apart, but he soon realized that maybe...he didn't need that with you??

You were friendly, gentle, but not stupid, and most importantly you cared for everyone even more than yourself. Coming from where he came from, Greed felt strange receiving such warm treatment, not strange bad, but strange unknown.

It was surprisingly easy to figure that out, he just stood there looking like he was seeing something incredible.

In a certain way, he was able to generate a more sincere respect for you, just like how everyone ended up approaching you quickly, like a moth to a light (quite witty). He began to be attracted to you instead of the idea of you.

Still keeping his attitude, he end up developing a second nature, watching over you, because clearly sometimes you wouldn't do it on your own, or you wouldn't notice idiots nearby.

Your appearance was just the icing on the cake in that regard. Everyone in the band did their best to prevent you from going out much during the day, they got items to prevent burns, etc.

But at the same time they were also quite amazed in their own way. Bido, for example, would just stare at you in amazement. Martel and you exchange tips for skin and hair care, Roa when he's bored waiting for others, plays with your hair for a while, etc.

By the time you two get "official" it becomes quite handy. Like, expect to have a hand (or two) up all the time. Especially if it is a public place.

Unfortunately, not all cultures find albinism so pleasant, so on more than one occasion you have had to hear people say horrible things about your condition in the best of cases and objects have been thrown at you calling you a demon in the process. worst of cases.

The gang tries to keep calm and remind you that you are much more human than these people.

And when Greed finds out, well, I just hope those people aren't relatives or something honey, otherwise clear your schedule. You will have to go to several funerals.

He's just like "don't mess with me or my s/o anymore >:)"

The fact that you don't have any kind of evil between what he likes and what worries him.

On the one hand, you are the more down-to-earth of the two of us, can trust your judgment most of the time. appreciate that.

But he's afraid that one day someone will try to take advantage of that to take advantage of your gentle nature.

It's like that meme

Reader: Fidelsticks! This makes me cringe my freathers!

Greed: **sobs** just say "fuck"

or

Greed: Aren't you tired of being good? Don't you want to ape shit?

Now if you will use your friendly personality to fool someone he would be SO PROUD OF YOU :,,,)

how "my baby is grown" kind of proud.

In general, he wants you to have more malice, but """healthy"" malice or at least give you something in return.

Still, it doesn't discourage your kindness, because, come on, who would be stupid enough to mess with Great Greed's partner?

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Alright we're gonna do our first big compilation of my longass notes for a friend of the blogs fic, obviously we mUST start with The Thunder Answered Back by @spicymiilk

Fair warning, I would read the whole fic before reading my notes and laughing/crying along with me. I do think you can go chapter by chapter if you wish. Also a fair warning, I usually cull my notes before posting a fic comment; I really let myself go wild here. Proceed with caution.

Chapter one I didn't have too many notes bc I was deep in it and also there wasn't too too much cringe. Idk if this is well known about me, but I can watch like, hardcore porn or gore and not flinch. I used to watch Animal Planet vet shows while eating cheese its when I got home from school, just munching away while they did surgery on little puppies. But if you write even a tiny bit of cringe it takes me like 5 business days to recover. I fully cannot look at the screen. I will leave the room if an awkward conversation happens in my tv show. I also can't not react to cuteness as well. These notes were mental escapes a lot of the time in this fic, like mother of GOD I want to die even imagining these conversations. Mortifying. Anyways.

Unhinged things I would say on the google doc but here!

DIALOGUE, dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. It can make or break a piece and it CARRIED in this one. It's so very cringe and realistic lol. Dialogue is usually the hardest for writers but I don't think our man here has this problem lol.

Great setting as well, I can feel the heat. A setting you can physically feel is so immersive, it sucks you right in, and my ass has never been to Italy but I've been on a dock and I've been in a hot thunderstorm and I can feel it all.

Obsessed with the way Spider steps into the house and Neytiri's like "dinner, gayboy??" like she was on his ass instantly skskskks. HER LITTLE SLIGHTS AT HIM?? EXPLAIN, LOL. WHAT DID THE CHILD DO? Reminds me of the time my friends mom asked me to stop calling her Chris and I didn't understand why and just blurted back "Okay, Chris." It's just so funny to me when she hates Spider in modern fics, because there's no systemic context it's just her beefing with a small child oddly lol. Having read the whole fic now, it's just Quarich's racism connection, I believe.

I am obsessed with the plight of the boys. Obviously Spider needs to leave, but I'm hoping Lo'ak escapes the military industrial complex lol. I'm so torn. I had Sully fam on the brain, and I wanted Spider's continuing relationship with them all so badly. Maybe I simply need for them to ask Spider to stay with them? Like "live with us for a year buddy, get yourself ready for college. You can do anything king but also ur part of the family, now go deflower our son."

Here is that clarifying question I asked: Did Kiri and Spider have sex??? Or did Mandy tell her about Spider's dick? OR BOTH? I simply could not figure that out. Also missed opportunity to name that character Ninat for the lols. The next generation of Ninat's beefing with and over Sully men.

Now that you've given me my answer, truly hilarious comedic content for everyone around.

Kiri, at night: want to hear about Spider’s dick?

Lo’ak, charcoal and paper out, ready to create an impressive sketch: ew, no, go ahead.

Chapter two, FUCK OFF Jeytiri flirting karaoke is adorable, that’s hilarious. The whole scene made my heart happy bUT NOT HAPPY ENOUGH not enough comfort I need more of it.

Spider turning to Lo’ak who's aLREADY LOOKING AT HIM cause they’re both like “oh you mentioned love, let me look at my best friend,” I’ll die.

Lo’ak literally BEGGING Spider to sing so he can swoon in the corner. I love this headcanon that seems to be cropping up of Spider being like a really good singer, it's very interesting to me.

JAKE UNDERSTANDING SPIDER I’ll die. Jake’s adopted that child you can’t convince me otherwise. Dude, even Neytiri fucking sees him as part of the family, I’ll scream. The tooth gem thing??? Iconic. Loved it. She’s giving Spider specifically cookies??? I’ll die. She's included him in all their shit. Not just anyone can do family game night karaoke. The karaoke, I am obsessed. Adorable. The Kiri and Lo’ak banter means the world to me. Their limp wrist agenda, the limp wrist bullying. What will he do when he can’t hold that against her? She must be unbearable to him in return when Spider isn't there. We love a homophobic gay. It's like what I said about my roommate i slept with twice (who follows me on here and we all better hope doesn't perceive this post); "I only get offended when SHE calls me slurs because I know then it comes from a place of true homophobia."

Kiri is literally begging Spider to understand Lo’ak wants him. BEGGING LO’AK TO UNDERSTAND SPIDER WANTS HIM. Kiri trying not to die at how obvious they both are. Kiri, going to beat the shit out of Lo’ak for asking about Mandy of all people bc of how far he's gone to avoid learning about that. I STILL AM UNCLEAR AS TO IF HIS ASS ACTUALLY DIDN'T KNOW SPIDER BROKE UP WITH MANDY OR HE WAS JUST BEING AN ASS.

Also fuck u for underestimating the importance of Tuk to Spider, he wants Tuk to remember him please I swear.

Also I have noted you have hinted at Spider’s praise kink. I can see it clearly. Nothing more will be said on that topic, but sometimes a praise kink simply makes sense for a character.

'IT COMES OUT MORE LIKE GAY' that was just for me, I know. So was Ninat's kid, obviously. Now that it's cONFIRMED for me I love to know that I am the target audience of all locorro fics ever.

Spider: *calls Lo’ak baby and gets embarrassed*

Lo’ak: *rebooting*

Lol Spider punching Lo’ak for saying slurs is so funny. Lo’ak's like if I say it I ain’t it, and that's on falling for the guy that is punching me for saying the slurs.

This little "I knew" reveal was CERTAINLY not what I was expecting. Not at all. A delightful little twist huh? A little trope subversion? AN EXPLICIT DRUNK CONFESSION IS SO HEART-WRENCHINGLY AWFUL OH MY GOD. WHAT HAPPENED THEN WHAT DID THEY D O I MUST KNOW. "It’s not a big deal bc I… like u too obviously lol." That's the end of the sentence and the end of the communication. I was driven insane by that, I just finished XO Kitty, worst show ever, and I was reminded how much I despise when communication would solve legit every problem but it's handled realistically here. Communication is so hard for the boys Kiri will throw hands. And I brought your inhaler with me obvs cause I’m in love with you.

I’m sad about an asthmatic fist fight but it’s so appropriate. I am sad tho. I am a hurt/COMFORT bitch where is my COMFORT. I don't think my body is ready for a nocorro fic from u @spicymiilk my blog is about to become all comforting headcanons and we're going to ignore the plethora of Hunger Games ones I got today.

Now we have to sit here in this world where Lo'ak thought Spider was emotionally(?) cheating on Mandy with him if he thought they were still dating, the fucking clown idiot fool.

FINALLY, for the third and final chapter, with some bonus answers Andrei has given to my demanding all caps questions.

I’m so mean, I’m laughing at the idea of Kiri waking up at an ungodly 7:34am to Lo’ak ugly crying over Spider’s fake bed on the floor like he’s gone off and died in the war. She’s just like the pizza box community meme like uhhhh. Now I know this must happen oFTEN so I again figure that she must have gotten really good at sleeping through his ugly sobbing.

JHUST FUCKING LEAVE QUARITCH THIS IS SO ANNOYING GET OUT OF MY PLOT I’M TRYNA SEE KIRI’S TEXTS, ugh I'm so biased I despised how much he was in this chapter he should choke I wish asthma was contagious. Although, for some reason Quaritch calling Spider Lo’ak’s wife did things to me personally, The sweet homosexual love line then took me out back and popped me (I mean this in a like, Italian mafia putting me down outside way and not like, doing poppers outside a club although for some reason both are giving the same energy).

Neytiri murdering Spider for both turning her son gay and also making him sad can be something so personal. I still am in denial of every universe where she doesn't like him, and in this one I just love the idea of them slinking back to Italy having eloped or some shit where Spider now has to build that relationship but now having deflowered and stolen her son in the night. Hilarious. They must bond over talking about how stupid he is. They're so similar, how can the people with Jake and his clone not be.

Lol I also forgot Lo’ak got a black eye, that makes Kiri’s texts earlier so much funnier. Kiri was like they made out so hard he was struck with love. Developed a bruise. His gayness punched him in the face.

SPIDER KILL YOURSELF IM IN YOUR ROOM KICK YOUR DAD OUT IS SO FUNNY TO ME THE KYS SPECEFICALLY KILELD ME.

Oh my god the crying was all a lie, a fantasy, I’m so disappointed. More realistic, sure, but still. I am unclear as to if it was rEAL.

I had the cunt thing spoiled for me when I was catching up on posts I missed; never did I imagine lol. Almost as hilarious as Lo’ak telling Spider to die because he didn’t look at him, gay.

Spackle covering the hole in the wall, hmm, I wonder who punched that there?? Also abusive Quaritch giving romantic advice is making me want to puke up all my organs. I know Andrei says say the hole in the wall was nothing, but you can't have an abusive dad character and then mention a hole in the wall and nOT have us thinking that Quaritch punched a hole in the wall. Every reader is gonna think that.

Lol those Kiri texts and what she says is sO MEAN god I totally get why she did it but omg way to ruin a man over something that is not his decision or his fault. She’s just so so mad about the gays being dumb. Can’t believe she finally coughed up this info. Also the way Quaritch could probably hear all this through the wall makes me wanna die.

Speaking of Quaritch, what an interesting portrayal of their relationship. As a Quaritch hater, there's very few fics where I don't just fully skip long interactions with him. I gotta have really been sucked into the world, and I was with this one. I can't tell what of my feelings on the characters have made me biased on the relationship and what are my feelings on what the text portrayed. The feeling of too late in their relationship is there, overwhelmingly and devastatingly, but part of me found myself unconvinced by the attempts from Quartich. I literally can't tell if it's my own bias (most likely) or if it's my own lack of explicit background knowledge.

What we do learn of the past we learn in fragments, passing lines from Spider's internal monologue. They aren't the focal point of the story, but they are deeply important to the world created, and it leaves me with a feeling like I'm in an unfinished paint by numbers; I don't quite have the full picture. (Again, as I always say to you in my beta notes Andrei, these are incredibly harsh comments for fic. It's just good enough I'm treating it as though it's more lol (bc it can be)).

As to why everyone is finding Kiri mean; yeah she's neurospicy and we do clearly get the vibe that they talk to each other in this way, this casual banter that doesn't really mean anything. That being said, casual "kill yourself" or like "this is all your fault" and shit like that when the character is clearly upset and angry comes across as serious. Knowing Kiri as a character I didn't think she was, but reading it took me aback because as a standalone I don't have that context. In arguments and serious moments those words pack a punch, especially to a reader in such close third as we are with Spider in this one. We are WITH him and seeing only his thoughts and perspectives, his hurt is front and center so it's easy to feel hurt and defensive as a reader. I digress.

Lo’ak’s like every man in a crime show calling his wife to hear her voice one last time before he goes to to the dangerous mission and almost dies. He's like "I'll hear Spider's breathing and then know the US military is the way for me." Spider, the barrier between Lo’ak and the goddamn US military. That’s so funny to me. This is another reason to feel confused by Kiri's vitriol; it's not Spider's fault what Lo'ak chooses to do with his life and it is unfair to blame him. One line of her doing it I get, but she does it several times and the only excuse we get for her is from Spider.

Kiri is better than me I’m an awful secret keeper. But also maybe she could’ve coughed that bad boy up earlier, huh?

Tbh tho, on a serious writing note; it’s so well written because from the beginning we know exactly what is happening. They both like each other and Kiri knows both sides. That was obvious to me. You tell us from the get go that Spider is leaving when he turns 18, and that Lo’ak is leaving to join the military, WE KNOW WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN. And yet the train chugs on and each event sets it in motion instead of derailing it, leaving us with an inevitable tragedy we all saw coming. Well done. If I was giving line edits on a publishable work, I’d say speed up the timeline. Make the whole fic (so excluding prior events like the party) all happen like. A few days before Spider leaves. I want to feel it all in real time, up close, as it happens. No breaks in time. I also want that memory convo with Lo’ak earlier lol, so that the realization of it can hit later. And honestly, if it wasn’t fic I’d leave it with the Kiri and Spider convo. No happy ending. BUT NOW LET ME GO READ MY WELL DESERVED HAPPY ENDING. U would've been SICK for not including one.

Extremely uncommon fanfiction Jake Sully W here. It should be more common I am an unapologetic stan.

Them going to find each other is so funny to me. Kiri was personally sending them on a wild goose chase as revenge.

OH THERE IT IS THE COMMON JAKE SULLY L. Although driving your gay ass son to do an airport rom com moment at 5:45am is actually quite the parenting w, where the fuck was Neytiri she would’ve been much more efficient. I mean she wouldn't have let him go, but she would've been efficient about it.

The idea of Lo’ak making his final decision to go to the military earlier in the day and then not actually doing it until he wakes Jake up at 2am makes me cackle. Jake: you go get that dick son, your mother can kill us both later.

ALSO WHY’S HE PULLING HIS SHIRT COLLAR SO HIGH, HMMM, ANDREI??? Showing up to meet his grandmother absolutely dEFILED. Does Lo'ak even have a change of clothes, that monster.

It’s 2:18am (when I originally write this), I have work tomorrow as I do literally every day of the week, and I’m just smiling to myself at this shit. Criticism: not enough of them being happy and also I didn’t get to learn what depraved things Spider wanted to do to Lo’ak that he drunkenly told him about that Lo’ak then had to live with torturing himself (and Kiri) over for months.

Andrei's response on what Spider drunkenly said to Lo'ak for the people: The depraved things are as follows— spider sat his ass in Lo’ak’s lap, completely and utterly gone, and waved poetry about Lo’ak’s long and strong fingers for at least ten minutes. He also made sure to mention his borderline tank top kink. Lo’ak definitely did not internalize that

I just have to say; I should've expected that. Those two gay ass losers to simply lose their minds over tHAT, which is like nOTHING. A REGULAR CONVERSATION I'D DARE SAY. ONE OF THE FIRST CONVERSATIONS I HAD WITH ONE OF MY ROOMMATES WAS ABOUT HER HAND KINK, SO I RECIPROCATED BY SAYING I THOUGHT THE DWARVES IN LOTR HAD GOOD HANDS. LO'AK WAS DEAD, SIMPLY MURDERED, A BLUSHING FOOL OVER THAT.

Lo'ak, stumbling into his and Kiri's room: Spider confessed his love for me and said... depraved things.

Kiri: OH MY GOD WHAT DID HE SAY.

Lo'ak: He said he likes my tank tops... I can barely speak of it out loud.

Kiri: Oh. 🙄

Also lowkey Kiri has to be enraged they’re normal now that they’re away from her. ALSO DOESN’T THAT BITCH LO’AK HAVE SCHOOL?? Hilarious all around. Lo’ak brings Spider back because they cannot be apart and then keeps him in his and Kiri’s room for the next year until he finishes high school. They see how long they can go without Quaritch finding out Spider’s nearby. Kiri hates them so much, especially now that they fuck in her space.

Andrei said in response to this: Lo’ak finished school in Florida!! Pulled a fast one on the school system and said hey I’m smart enough to finish like two classes here. Kiri didn’t speak to EITHER of them for months. Neytiri would call to check up and Kiri would be whining in the background about how she’s betraying her

They make up when Spider saves up to get her a ticket to visit them for a summer 🤸

The idea of Lo'ak never returning is so funny to me in so many ways. First of all, Spider dropping him off and picking him up like he's the sexy older boyfriend in every romcom ever. Second, the idea of Spider bullying him for having to go to school still. Three, they just squat with Spider's grandma, and she's like god I expected one gay loser not TWO. Four, Neytiri calling to check up just resulting in her and Spider both bitching about Lo'ak and Kiri respectively here is how the Neytiri and Spider fanboys can win-

Also, the idea of someone having to tell Neteyam about this makes me want to cry real tears of laughter. He’s in his first semester of college someone free him.

Andrei said: Let neteyam live in blissful ignorance. He knew Lo’ak was a raging homosexual for their entire lives and the second he saw spider he was like. Oooohhh okay. And then he never looked again the mental strength required to deal with it was just too much

Kiri, on facetime: so Lo'ak followed Spider-

Neteyam, opening a textbook in his Harvard dorm room or some shit:

[mezz-merizing]

hi everyone, i'm mezz!

so!! now that we're about a week into you all deciding that my aimless rambles about hypno things i like are worth a follow, i figure it's probably about time for a belated introduction, and also a pinned post!

i'm Mezzmer, and you can call me Mezz! i'm sure you've caught the general drift by now: i'm an extremely hypnokinky nineteen-year-old enby with a passion for long-winded infodumping about things that interest me, and this blog is my new and shiny place to do that about something that interests me a lot- the infinite art form of hypnosis!

we have to do all the things a pinned post does, so let's get that out of the way! all that below the cut :3

so! first things first, who don't we want around here? to put it concisely, please don't interact with me iiiif:

you're generally cringe (bigot, terf, nazi, et cetera. you know you're not wanted here, don't make me waste my time blocking you)

you're under the age of 18, for my safety as much as yours

you're a completely blank blog (it's nothing personal! i'm just gonna assume you're a bot if you've got absolutely nothing on your blog- as long as you've got something in your name, or a pfp, a description, whatever, you're cool with me! i don't care if you don't post, i was a lurker too, last week xP)

you post medfet content that revolves around mental hospitals and/or institutionalization, and that's not obvious by your blog title (again, not personal! i just like to scan through the blogs of people who show up in my notifs from time to time, and that kind of thing is a major trigger for me. please follow me on an alt account or something)

and that's it!! i'm pretty lenient with all this stuff- don't be Literally The Worst, and don't cross my boundaries, and we're chill :3

some personal stuff i think you should know: i'm canadian, i'm not a man but i prefer masculine pet names (good boy, pretty boy, etc), i'm autistic, and i will not tell you what's between my legs! i've got a decent amount of experience with hypnosis but i'm always learning and always exploring, and i'm almost always on the subby side. almost.

generally i appreciate hypnotism for the actual hypnosis involved- triggers and suggestions are good and fun, but expect to see a lotttt more from me about inductions, about the experience of trance, that kind of thing! i'm also a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of trance, and i don't often find myself needy for actual sex to spice it up, so don't come expecting a ton of that either

my dms and my askbox are always open to cool people!! if you don't want to literally kill me, i probably want to talk to you!! please come and say hello, i promise it'll be nothing but a good time for me <3

and with all that out of the way, all that's left is my special little tags! there aren't a lot right now, but i'll edit this to add more as i need them

taglist:

#not hypno - believe it or not, i think about other things sometimes! if you'd rather keep your mezz-merizing experience as pure as possible, or if you're seeking out my opinions on stuff that isn't, um, hypno, this is for you >:3

#mezz personals - sometimes i talk about myself on purpose! and sometimes the things that i post reveal interesting things about me! when i think that's happened, i'll tag it with this, and you can peruse it to get a better feel for the boything behind the pretty words

#the box with asks in it - posts where i answer asks sent to me!! :3 i always love getting asks and i do my best to answer all of them, so don't be shy! all asks are answered publicly unless you specifically request otherwise

#🖤🦋🖤 - unfortunately i have been through a significant amount of trauma, and sometimes i process that trauma through kink. this tends to get dark quickly! if that's something that's not for you, well, that's why this tag exists

#serious shit - exactly what it sounds like! if this tag is on a post i'm not fucking around. there is no character and there is no horny stuff. i mean to use this as little as possible, so! let's see how low we can keep that count

that's all! thank you for reading! i'll be back to rambling before you know it <3

[val-of-the-north]

Top 5 hottest Bloodborne characters and why! (P.S. you must exclude Patches though, or else the top will be rigged and pointless)

FUCK YOU WHY DO YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE!!! (AND OF-FUCKING-CURSE YOU'D EXCLUDE MY BLORBO FUCK OFF)

Alright altright... let me think...

I don't have a particular order for any of these in mind, so bear with me here... the idea of hot in my head isn't really well-defined for these guys. I'll stick to the humans for this (and ones we actually meet and know what they look/ed like ahah), otherwise how is anyone gonna compare to like, Wet Nurse, Kos and Ebrietas? Simply impossible lmao. Also, it's half characters I personally really like and characters that just... ARE hot lol.

Call me simple but Annalise has some ALLURE to her. She looks absolutely beautiful in the portraits we do have of her, but her mask-bound visage inspires mystery and intrigue, as well as her just having that dignified nature to her. Despite everything she ever had having been toppled and destroyed, she keeps her chin up and still commands respect. She is very strong and confident in her blasphemy and you can't help but love to see it.

Call me simple YET AGAIN but Gascoigne is just undeniably hot lol. Like, I am not even his biggest fan but even I think it's an objective fact. He has everything you could ever want. Gigantic dad body, sharp teeth, a sexy voice... and he is probably sweet enough when off work to maintain a pretty stable loving family and a life-long buddy. Technically!!! He is the ONLY human character (that isn't a prostitute I guess) that is confirmed as not being a virgin lmao. Even the setting wanted you to know this man fucks. Like, there's no denying he is THE hot character of the setting when the topic comes up. People don't call him daddy for nothing...

Valtr. I don't even have to elaborate honestly. His looks are appealing, his insanity and violence are appealing, his voice acting is appealing. He is just REALLY freaking appealing with how strong he is and how passionate he is about the things he believes. And, while this may be a thing that only makes him more appealing to me, he also has the potential to be silly, which is hilarious since he is the character who'se goal is "everyone must die". I mean, it's THAT goal itself that makes him silly in the first place ahah. But yeah, solid design, concept, backstory and execution. It does not surprise me multiple people simp for him. Honestly, I am surprised it's not MORE.

Now with the more conventional out of the way, I'll go with Djura. He is a frisky old man, and one who tries to atone for his mistakes and crimes. He is well-meaning and surprisingly honest for someone in Yharnam lol, which makes him stand out in a sea of asshole opportunists and deranged lunatics. You know how people usually gravitate towards batshit crazy weirdo characters in a sea of relatively sane and good characters? I think Djura has the same effect but reversed lol. HE is the novelty in this world. Also, his design is pretty freaking attractive. It's simple, but the charm is there. His voice actor did a very good job as well ahah. I love his line delivery...

... I'll come out and say that I can see the appeal of Logarius VERY well. He is a tall evil man of dubious origin just chilling (literally) on the roof of Cainhurst for all time. He was most likely somewhat Pthumerian which adds to his attractiveness, as it would make him not QUITE a human (but still human enough to make it on this list lol). I also listened to the sounds he makes and I liked what I heard... he has a pretty cool evil laugh. I just like how he was either fully deluded and really believed his quest, or he was just enticing a group of fanatics while knowing full well their quest had ulterior motives. Both work and both are appealing for different reasons. One has to wonder what he looked like before he turned into a Halloween decoration...... welp, I said it. I am cringe but I am free...

Honorable mention to thicc Willem, the sexiest man in Yharnam and the one who ruined it. I like to think he wasn't JUST smart back in the day lol

[rivetgoth]

It feels weird to admit out loud but tbh I feel like I’ve completely outgrown “fandom” as a concept. I remember being an awkward lonely teenager who was super isolated from everyone else and fandoms were everythinggggg to me. I don’t hold any regret for that or view it as “cringe” or something, I made all of my online friends that way and some of those friends are people I’m still in contact with today and who were there for me during some of the darkest moments of my entire life, plus a huge portion of the practice I got writing and actually receiving feedback was fanfiction, it was definitely what made me become a confident enough writer to actually start sharing my works with people. I got into “kinning” and all that and just was super into fandoms, shipping, etc.

But nowadays I just feel so removed from it. Most importantly I feel like I reached a point where I felt like a lot of fanfiction culture was honestly holding me back as a writer. It became more dependent on writing a certain way or certain content to generate views and the more I started writing for myself rather than emphasizing popular ships or tropes the less attention my work got and I felt a lot of distaste for all the memes I’d see about how to get more views, about never finishing projects, never editing your work before posting, etc, when I was really pushing myself to try to turn out quality content. I switched over to entirely original fiction when I started realizing that the stories I wanted to tell could be told through my own characters and I could put the effort into actually crafting something of my own for myself that was original from the ground up and that felt way more exciting. Shipping for me was extremelyyyy a byproduct of being very lonely IRL. Both romantically and otherwise. It was like, a way for me to project my “ideal relationship” and envision a world where I basically was making up what I wanted a relationship to look like via the characters I was using as a stand-in for myself. Once I was actually forming complex deep human relationships in real life I actually realized I had a lot of toxic traits and unhealthy attachment of my own I had to work through and it changed my outlook a LOT on “shipping” and how I was going about it and just what a healthy relationship really looks like irl… And I also realized that a lot of the time the characters I was projecting onto were because I was insecure and didn’t really know myself (or even WANT to know myself), so I was putting more stock into comparing myself to these characters I liked and sort of viewing myself through that lens instead of confronting myself…

I still looooove many characters to death don’t get me wrong, and I totally have characters where I either 1. Super duper relate to them or 2. Think they are hot as fuck or 3. Think it’d be hot if they fucked another character. But it’s just not a world I engage with or have any interest in engaging with. I don’t think I’ve actually sat down and read a fanfiction in, like… god, almost a decade now probably. And is it way too mean to say I honestly just find the landscape of modern fandom extremely uninteresting and a bit juvenile? I’m not a huge fan of how much of what I see nowadays is about projecting onto characters rather than trying to come up with interesting new stories or concepts for them pertaining to the character themself. Like, you go through the tags and it’s just like… “omg this character is a he/they MCR fan with autism” and then you go to OP’s bio and they are a he/they MCR fan with autism 😭 & it’s like… just very deeply uninteresting to me to engage with media that way. I see people get called out for headcanoning a villainous character committing a heinous non-canon act as if it’s morally “wrong” and I think it’s because people are more interested in like, projecting onto characters than viewing them as unique entities, so saying “this villain is an abuser” is basically saying “YOU, fan of this character, are an abuser.” It’s weird and not very fun to me. Fanmixes are all music OP already knows and likes, nobody is making anything that feels particularly high effort (fan games, animations, etc) and those SAME DAMN “no line editing we upload at 3 am like men” posts that encourage lazy ass writing are STILL going around!! I just think so much of it feels low effort and I’m at a point in my life where I really desire effort, in my own work and in others’ work.

There’s just a lot of aspects of it I feel so removed from nowadays. I love weird sex and unbridled sexuality and fandom feels so sexless even though people talk all the time about being horny for XYZ characters and I can’t quite put my finger on why. Like even back in 2012 fandom “zomg my ovaries” type stuff felt more sexually charged. I think, and this is quite judgmental I know, it’s because a lot of the people who are immensely into fandom As A Lifestyle kind of substitute real life for these fantasy daydream versions and it’s in part because they are a bit emotionally immature and insecure IRL… and I say that because I was there at some point. Like, they aren’t actually confident enough in themselves to just own unrestrained sexual attraction so instead it’s all kinda milquetoast. Back when I was in fandoms all the time I hated myself too much to ever even make self-inserts. I was like, disgusted with the idea of picturing myself in situations. Once I was freed of that I felt way less interested in “shipping” unless there is REALLY GOOD sexual tension because ultimately if I think a character is hot I’m just like. Damn I wish I could fuck them & that’s really it. Then I just like jerk off and move on but even then I find it more titillating to jerk off to real people than someone fictional 😭 Plus I think a lot of fandom ppl have an issue that I’ve talked about before, which is making interest-based friends that they never attempt to develop a deeper connection to beyond their interests, so the moment one of you stops being as obsessed with something the friendship ends. And I’m just not really interested in that kinda dynamic, especially with total strangers online.

Uh idk. Sorry to be a normie but I think at this point I’m just so much more interested in real people first ov all, because I go out like multiple times a week and am surrounded by so many strange interesting characters and I’m just so much more interested in THEM, and the chance to actually get close to them, than any characters that don’t exist. With cool people in real life you can actually work to be closer to them and get to know them! And when it comes to characters that don’t exist, I’m way more interested in crafting my OWN and developing my own worlds and stories for myself. And I’m just interested in the story of my own life and improving myself and making myself cooler and more interesting rather than getting caught up putting that time and energy into someone else’s creation. I also think I just don’t really vibe with fandom culture around the types of things that get popular, from art styles to character interpretations to the way cliques manifest in places like Discord or whatever. And I haaaaaate the fact that it feels like every fandom in the world just has the most inane pointless drama, people like coming for each other over what characters they like or what headcanons they have, terms like proship or antiship meaning literally nothing of value because they change definition every single time I see someone new use them, really weird fetishism that continues to go unchecked of nonwhite people and LGBT people and the like… it’s just like. Not fun to me.

But like. Idk. I don’t mean to sound like a judgmental ass and make sweeping statements about every single fandom person and every single fandom or try to just sound way more morally or intellectually superior or something. But it’s kinda interesting I guess to realize how far from that culture I am at this point in my life. I just can’t imagine spending really any time or energy focusing on fictional characters invented by other people and projecting onto them rather than just confronting myself and my life directly and making things that are original manifestations of my soul and my desires and my own rich inner world. Huh.