#fuck yeah for trans cas rights

[howldean]

sorry, i don’t know the phrase for “they told us to bug misha by text and i won a castiel photo op out of that” in english. would you like me to try exploding from love instead.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

i explain india but i'm drunk.

Hello maggots of mine you're all such babygirls and bastards just like Aziraphale and Crowley. I'm so proud of you all for existing. Yes i'm a wholesome drunk you now know this about me. The wine tastes like rotten grapes and smells of battery acid and cost 245 rupees INR. Speaking of INR, thanks to a maggot's ask, I'm here to explain India. I've never set foot outside of this country. But I'm also very very shit at general knowledge.

To any non-Indians reading this, this is a totally legit 1000% everything covered all-inclusive summary. To any Indians reading this, I'm so so fucking sorry.

India, explained.

So there's south india and there's north india and there's north east india. north india is very racist about south india and they're both very racist about north east india. Most of these people are also probably racist either to other countries or they have internalised racism. It's a wild trip.

There are. A lot of languages here. And a LOT of scripts. I can read two scripts, understand four Indian languages and speak in two of them (badly), and those two are not my native tongues. I cannot speak in my native tongues. It's basically English at this point. These aren't dialects, those are separate. Picture like, Europe, but more, in terms of how many languages.

Everyone hates each other which is valid for the entire planet honestly.

In south india we have a lot of coconuts. Like a lot. There are so many coconuts you have no fucking idea guys you cannot escape the coconuts. I was nearly killed by a shower of coconuts when I was 5 I escaped by one second.

There are also cows. People will tell you that you are being racist when you say India has cows everywhere. But it's true. Two weeks ago I had the pleasure to be stuck in a traffic jam. Next to the street barrier thing (what divides a street im too drunk for this) I saw a huge bull fucking HUMPING a cow. The vehicles just had to move around them. They were having sex right there.

If you're a middle class Indian kid, your career options are: doctor, engineer, scientist, CA, lawyer, government official or family disappointment.

Needless to say, I was going to be doctor and am now instead family disappointment. I'm babygirling so hard it's insane. The prodigal son.

It's very ace-friendly and heterophobic in the sense that you are not supposed to be exhibiting any sexuality whatever in a respectable household. Just shut up and give virgin birth already. But be married. That's crucial.

Oh yeah gay marriage isn't legal trans people are constantly othered by society and/or given no respect whatsover and we're just all vibing here this is totally not why I'm finishing a small bottle of cheap wine on a thursday past midnight alone in my room.

Foreigners are like a zoo species you see them you're instantly concerned like what are they doing outside the TV screens and then either people are normal (rarely), they run up and take photos or try to slip into conversation (more often than you'd think, even I've been guilty of the conversation thing as a kid) OR they start talking about how 'this western culture is ruining our culture'. Which is fair but honestly both the 'cultures' these people are talking about usually involve incredible amounts of bigotry and are more similar than they think.

I think the lesson here is that humans just suck as a species. Except for you maggots. I love you all and I will defend you with my life.

THE CHAAT. THE CHAAT IS INSANELY AMAZING. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE CHAAT. I HAVE NO SPICE TOLERANCE SO I HAVE TO BEG ON MY KNEES FOR THE SPICES TO BE REDUCED BUT STILL. THE CHAAT. THE CHAAT, YOU GUYS. YOU NEED IT.

Sorry yes I'm normal. ALSO THE STREET DOGS. THE INDIES. THEY'RE SO LOVELY AND SWEET AND CHAOTIC AND I KEEP TALKING TO THEM. Once when I was crying I made the dog distress while and like five dogs that I didn't know came running to me and comforted me and licked me.

INDIAN DANCE MUSIC. I FUCKING LOVE IT IT'S INSANE. My family were elitist as fuck so I never got to listen to Bollywood music as a kid but it's AMAZING I'm so glad it exists. Bhangra too.

Beaches very very pretty hills very very pretty honestly the nature is fucking beautiful if you can just quickly pretend humans don't exist, which again is true of this entire planet. Yeah. Okay I'm so fucking drunk.

Yeah lots of diversity which is very nice when the humans aren't screaming at each other about it but the rest of the time it's very nice

The garbage and sewer stories? yeah they're all true im sorry

Traffic rules more like traffic suggestions amirite

Well, we still have far better healthcare access than america. so. there is that.

If you speak English well you'll be mocked and isolated. If you speak English poorly you'll be mocked and isolated. Honestly, just be rich. That'll fix it all.

All the conservatives hate each other and don't realise they're the exact same but in like different flavours.

Oh yeah we have auto rickshaws. Look them up. They're so much better than cars I don't get motion sick as easily in them. But the drivers all hate you and never want to take you anywhere.

Eyyyyyyyyyy it's so fucking fun here *drinsk more alcohol* I am so fucking not looking forward to college.

Please someone crowdfund me out of here let's all go chill in Alpha Centauri I've heard it's nice this time of the year.

I will, however, miss the casual live cow pornos. A true highlight.

[I got this peer-reviewed by my friend in India's top law school, just in case, because I'm too drunk and generally dumb. They say I will not be killed. And they've been on Twitter so.]

Irrefutable legal proof y'all. I don't mean to offend anyone except bigots. Fuck you, bigots, if you're not offended then I've disappointed my community.

[my-castles-crumbling]

I have a question cas. 

trans women say they’re women because they are a women, they’re body just doesn’t reflect that… I guess? 

but terfs say that a women isn’t a women unless the body shows that- eg, uterus. 

so either terfs are trying to tell trans women that what they finally know about themselves, that they’re a women, is just not true because they say so? or that a women is only defined by her uterus.

cause that doesn’t feel very feminist. 

i’m not thinking of becoming a terf or anything, trans women are women- i’m not fucking rishi sunak or jkr, but like, what is their argument? I know it’s wrong but what ACTUALLY is it? Cause you’d think, given most of them are so proud to be terfs, they’d have a definition?

so what is it? i’m confused. I know there’s no need to make sense of these people but why?  

Hi! I'm gonna address this point-by-point. Also, TW: discussion of transphobia, genitalia, etc.

I have a question cas. 

trans women say they’re women because they are a women, they’re body just doesn’t reflect that… I guess? 

Yeah, to put it simply. Trans women are (usually) assigned male at birth and sometimes start out with male genitals. There are exceptions to this (intersex people). And some trans people, of course, choose to get surgery.

but terfs say that a women isn’t a women unless the body shows that- eg, uterus. 

Yeah, that tends to be the usual argument. There's more to it, but yeah.

so either terfs are trying to tell trans women that what they finally know about themselves, that they’re a women, is just not true because they say so? or that a women is only defined by her uterus.

Both. They insist that trans women are mentally ill or perverted, and that a woman is defined by her uterus and genitalia. Which is so wrong, because not all people with XX chromosomes or assigned female at birth even have those things.

cause that doesn’t feel very feminist. 

HALLELUJAH! SAY IT FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!

i’m not thinking of becoming a terf or anything, trans women are women- i’m not fucking rishi sunak or jkr, but like, what is their argument? I know it’s wrong but what ACTUALLY is it? Cause you’d think, given most of them are so proud to be terfs, they’d have a definition?

so what is it? i’m confused. I know there’s no need to make sense of these people but why?  

Basically, from my limited knowledge on the subject, terfs argue that to be a woman, you have to have XX chromosomes, have a uterus, a vag*na, etc. You have to have been raised as a woman and experienced womanhood (whatever the fuck that means).

It's a lot of bullshit. I think it's based on a few things:

Fear. A lot of terfs are very uneducated and assume trans people are actually cis men trying to assault cis women or take away from cis women in some way.. Which is obviously so wrong. trans women are just women who want to live their lives.

Ignorance. Again, terfs are uneducated and don't understand what it means to be trans. They also don't understand their own arguments and the fallacies in them: not all people with XX chromosomes, for example, have uteruses.

Transphobia. A lot of people see being trans as very taboo, and don't want to be associated with it or accept it. So of course, they don't want trans women as a part of the feminist movement.

This is a stretch, but I also think it has to do with sexism. Stay with me here, but terfs see trans women as men, right? (They're not, but just stay with me). And when men do feminine things, it's always SO deeply frowned upon. Because how DARE someone AMAB act feminine. It's seen as disgusting. Men need to be men- protectors, not emotional, not weak (yes, I know being fem isn't weak, but from their POV...). SO I think it's actually deeply-ingrained sexism as well, if that makes sense.

I hope that helps a bit! It's a horrible, horrible mindset, and the fact that JKR promotes it is so upsetting, tbh.

[hard--headed--woman]

you radfems just LOVE making enemies, don't you? "why gay men don't support lesbians? like, whe have always supported gay men" FUCK OFF, you don't support trans women, you don't support women who use makeup and like to be housewives.

fuck your victim complex, you love to be violent and "angry" all the time. it's because of you that people think feminism is bullshit.

gay men make fun of lesbians? then they're assholes, but you dumbasses saying "yeah, fuck gay men, all of them are assholes and don't support us uwu" sound pathetic as well. fuck your bullshit🖕and trans women ARE women

I love how you're saying we love to be angry and violent while you've just wasted some time of your pathetic life to send anon hate to someone you don't even know. Sounds like projection to me, lmao. Trans women are men and there is nothing you can do about it besides crying like the weak crybaby you are and getting mad at women who are braver than you and dare to say it. By the way, try to find some class about reading comprehension near where you live, because if you sincerely think criticize something (like makeup or the housewive lifestyle) means hating on the women who do this thing and not supporting them. And I absolutely never said "fuck gay men, all of them are assholes", lol. How ridiculous can you get ? Are you at your best or can it get worse ? You seem to be a wonderful specimen of stupidity so I bet it ca. And, oh, let me tell you something, if that's not too complicated for your little brain - people think feminism is bullshit because they are misogynistic assholes, just like you are, not because of us. Politics aren't your thing, right ? It shows. Stop trying to talk about it with adults, my dear. Now you should go the only thing you're probably good at (besides crying), aka fucking yourself. You should be honored I even took the time to reply to your bullshit.

[spnregular]

directors commentary on "i wear my red lipstick, got my coat and gun" pwease?

this fic i wrote while stranded in the seattle airport and as you know already, is heavily inspired by your series the pain in the end is alll in your memory. trans woman dean!!! this is one of my darker fics so if anyone else chooses to read it pls heed the tags and warnings! it's a miserable time by design :)

So right off the rip, this fic is named for a lyric in an unreleased lana del rey song bc lana is all glamor and bad boys. If dean had a transition goals pinterest there would be hundreds of photos of lana wrapped in the arms of her older greasy boyfriends.

Case closed, boogeyman dead, and now the two of them were in the backseat of the Impala, all the right parts lined up where they needed to be. Dean has a hand, cupped around her tit and another fumbling at the zipper of her jeans. Her hands gripped at his waist under her shirt, her long nails digging into his ribs. Dean ground down into her hips, her legs wrapped around him the way they were supposed to be. 

The good guy saves the day and gets the girl. The way it went down in all the best pictures. 

Dean likes it when things are they way theyre “supposed” to be, tv taught her how to feel so on and so forth. She sleeps with women because all her male heroes do and she’s gotta be like them, she’s gotta keep the tape rolling!!! Everything she does is because it’s been decided for her. A woman so cruelly divorced from her own feelings and desires, she legit believes she doesnt have them

Whole car smelled like whiskey, smoke, and pussy— the Dean Winchester, post-hunt celebratory special. Didn’t even know this one’s name. 

Dean misogyny win

Dean had two fingers pumping in and out of her pussy, his eyes closed to focus on her wet heat. She kissed his face, over and over and over, lingering with her lips on his. Dean pulled his face away to flick his tongue over her nipple, his head still swimming as she hissed in satisfaction. In his mind, he was driving 100 in a 65, all fresh road and clear skies overhead, Baby’s engine purring and someone’s deep laughter echoing beside him. 

There’s nothing dean finds more erotic than her car so dissociating by imagining driving is like thee perfect way for her to enjoy actually being with another woman. I mean, baby’s the most beautiful woman she knows and she wants to fuck her, right? Step one apply the same logic to human women. Step two ??? step three profit. also, crucially, she is imagining a man having fun next to her. is that man cas? yes

Dean was soft in his jeans and his legs felt unsteady. She was waiting, writhing, expecting something good. She thought he looked good, he thought she looked good too. She looked like something out of a skin mag right now, the way her legs and pussy were spread, clinging to his hand, just begging to get fucked. He wanted to give it to her, he wanted a good ending. He leaned in to kiss her, hard, and palmed himself through his jeans. Nothin’.

Whiskey dick <3 but also when dean is having sex, her pleasure is the farthest thing from her mind. I mean, guys dont actually like sleeping with women right? It’s kind of a chore but you look rlly cool after. So it’s all about her, she should get to enjoy this ridiculous thing dean’s gotta endure.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean waved her off and smiled. He held an arm out as far as he could and brought one finger to his nose. Done this trick a million times. “See? I’m all good.”

Drunk driving dean rights <3

Dean wiped at the lipstick until most of it came off, leaving what looked like a few hickeys. A little lipstick on his collar looked good, looked like he scored. Looking over his face more intently, he noticed how much of it she had gotten on his lips. He lifted a hand to wipe it off and stopped, just grazing his fingers lighting over the edges where it bled onto his stubbled chin. 

Absolutely no point in sleeping with women unless everyone knows. Gratuitously borrowed from beat sheet of course.

In the dim light, a pair of green eyes with long lashes stared from the rearview mirror, right back at Dean. Big eyes, nestled against delicate cheekbones, perhaps a bit too much blush on them, and an upturned nose. Underneath it all sat full lips, shiny, red stained, and kiss swollen. The lipstick highlighted the curve of those lips, the pleasant swell of the bottom lip and the striking Cupid’s Bow of the top.  Dean licked his lips and watched the pretty face in the mirror lick her—

Dean does NOT like thinking about her “delicate features” but she loves them. She loves her lashes, her luscious lips, her fine cheekbones and nose. She’s like really pretty!!! But we can only talk about this when drunk!! And even then!!!!!!!! Not really. Having her softer features highlighted like this, out of the blue, she’s GOT to admire them. As a man, she kinda hates it but knows chicks dig a pretty guy. as a woman? she knows her face card is never declined,,

“Yes, I’m sure that’s it,” Crowley said, raising his eyebrows as he took a sip of his own drink, “Nothing to do with the way her lips paint your face with her drugstore lipstick?”

The first time this happened, crowley already knew what was going on. He thinks it’s funny/cute. a lil pathetic too, but who cares, dean is his lil girl.

“Something to match your summer color— you’ve really acquired a Jersey Shore complexion in the last few months,” Crowley continued, ignoring Dean, “Or perhaps… something to match the other gifts I bought you. A deep red?”

Red is a classic color but also i genuinely think red suits dean very well.

Dean shifted in his seat and closed his legs, the lace under his jeans riding high in the cleft of his ass. The look of satisfaction on Crowley’s face just screamed cat and canary.

dean has so much lingerie at this point and i didnt mention it but she fucks women with it on. Only way she can really keep it up atp. also crowley takes immense pride in being her sugar daddy.

“Yes,” Crowley said as he placed his glass on a side table, turning to face Dean. He leaned in, his eyes darting quickly over Dean’s face, weighing and measuring, “Something classic. I’m sure I could still find an original Guerlain.”

I went with guerlain because it’s a hollywood classic favored by marilyn monroe one of the OG class acts. and it would be expensive/hard to find so crowley would love it

“It wasn’t your color,” Crowley said, licking his own lips, “But I didn’t say it wasn’t fetching, in a sort of cheap, two-bit whore sort of way.”

Crowley thinks dean is so hot, he’s just a raging bitch. Also he’s actually very supportive of dean’s transition, more than happy to buy her whatever she needs. he is just incapable of saying anything nice to anyone.

“But you’d look better in my colors, poppet,” Crowley purred.

crowley wants to own dean so bad.... also it took me like 20 minutes to think of the word poppet, i had to ask my gf for help

Dean looked into the fire and imagined how it would feel on his new skin, clean and condemning. “Fuck off, man,” Dean said, but he didn’t move.

“Say it like you mean it,” Crowley said, his breath rushing along Dean’s neck, “Then I’ll believe you.”

“I— I don’t—“ Dean couldn’t say anything more after Crowley’s hand gripped the side of his waist.

Just two cnc queens chillin together.

“You stink of musk,” Crowley said, “Naughty girl.”

Dean shoved Crowley back to pin him with both hands against the back of the couch, blood rushing through his head. Crowley chuckled and looked up at Dean through his eyelashes. 

“Sorry,” Crowley was clearly not sorry, “Forgot I’m only allowed to use the ‘g’-word under special circumtances.”

Dean pretends that it’s a force fem situation, that crowley is shaming her into this role of “bitch” but crowley knows it’s real, that she wont let herself have this.

The demon skank pressed her lips onto Dean’s, hands roaming where they shouldn’t. Dean clenched his jaw and held his breath until it was over. 

“Got a little skin from Dean Winchester,” she chuckled, “And I didn’t even have to sucker you into a shit deal to get it. I must be the luckiest girl in the world.”

I just think it’s so funny that you gotta get assaulted by a demon to get a shitty deal :)

“He doesn’t need to know if I have a little fun with his best girl,” she said, eyes turning black. She puckered her lips again for another kiss, holding Dean’s head in place as he tried to turn away. The shit on her lips was sticky and smelled like cotton candy. It didn’t pair well with the overbearing scent of sulfur eking out from her skin. When she pulled away her smiled deepened, all of her teeth showing, “Oh, don’t you look pretty as a picture. Red is definitely your color.”

Now that dean’s “misbehaving” everyone knows she’s a “bad girl”. Crowley ran his mouth.

“Kinky,” she said, “But I think I’d like to stay on top for this round.” Her hand trailed lower to his belt buckle, tugging hard. She worked his jeans open and leaned back to stare at him. “I just remembered,” she laughed, “You were Alistair’s girl for a bit, right? Hey, maybe when we’re done you can give me a few pointers on how I did?” 

Im always thinking about deanalistair btw. Alistair is sort of the reason dean’s egg cracked. A violent cracking but nonetheless. ive always thought that part of the reason dean didnt want to talk about hell is not just shame over enjoying torturing but she learned more about who she was than she ever wanted to know

“Dean,” Cas said, “Sam wants you back at the bunker. We can cure you.”

“You know that’s not what I’m lookin’ for,” Dean drawled, willing every muscle in his body to relax. Something about the way his skin sat over his body didn’t feel right, like he should peel it off and start fresh. 

Dean’s demon life is miserable but so was being a human lol. at least as a demon she can explore herself more thoroughly. everyone expects demons to be freaks. Here she’s barely able to reconcile the idea that she’s been sexually assaulted. In front of cas no less!!! Her little guy who she’s supposed to look cool in front of. but also, demons dont care about that kind of shit, right?? just another day in hell!

“You know the drill, Cas,” Dean said, tucking himself back into his jeans and patting his shirt down for dirt and dust, “I’m sure there’s another deadbeat demon for you to waste your time on. I know how you like doin’ that.”

Gotta make fun of cas’s demon fetish

Dean tilted his head to expose the long line of his neck, satisfied when he saw Cas’s eyes flicker over it. “You seen the pictures, you know the stories. The hero gets the girl when he saves the day,” Dean said, softening his voice as best he knew how, “I think you should get an ending like that.”

Again, dean’s gotta fall back on a movie,  fall back into the familiarity of what she knows. If something’s in a script that means she doesnt have to think about it. It’s rote!

“I wanna give you something, Cas,” Dean said, his eyes felt wet, “I gotta do something, let me give you a girl.”

I want to call to attention the detail that i dont use she/her pronouns for dean anywhere in this fic. This is because dean doesnt actually think it’s real lol. And she really only lets herself fall into it if there’s a man. There’s gotta be a guy for the girl and a girl for the guy. Only other girl around was that awful skank, so, well, dean’s gotta woman up. of course…

“No, I—“ Cas grazed Dean’s cheek with his fingertips. Dean gasped when they burned, a faint burning sensation setting his skin alight. It was good.

The idea that an angel touching a demon would burn is just a horny bit for me. But i think dean would like it as she likes to be punished.

“I could make this the best happy ending you ever had,” Dean said. He gripped Cas’s thighs and ran his hands up and down, “I promise you’ll love it. Just let me do it.”

Here, dean has some inkling of cas’s feelings for her. She doesnt know the extent but she knows that cas would go to great lengths for her. She’s using this nebulous idea to her advantage. it's not nice, it's not fair and deep down she knows that.

“I didn’t—“ Cas moaned again when Dean managed to get his full length down his throat, “I— ah— I thought it would be different.”

Cas’s only other sexual experience is assault and subterfuge! He’s got a complicated relationship to sex atp, knowing he’s got this yawning hunger inside but unsure of safe ways to sate it. He’s also not really cognisant of how dean was just assaulted in front of him. He’s imagined being with dean in a million different ways, but none by coercion, none that dont come with a happy ending. He wanted his first time with dean to be happy.

Dean felt his own eyes prick with tears. There was only one way this could go down with Dean and it was never gonna be good. 

Dean does not believe herself capable of making anyone happy, esp not anyone she has true feelings for. she's poison remember!!

Cas’s kept his face covered while he breathed slowly. Below, Dean felt his own dick twitch, half-hard, as though something that just transpired could have been good for him. He lifted himself up from the ground and patted Cas’s arm hard.

Cas feels shame that he enjoyed it, he defs dissociated a bit and Dean honestly could have gotten off on sucking cas if this wasnt actually about hurting herself.

Dean turned around to find his way out of the basement, not wanting to see the look on Cas’s face anymore.

dean, queen of avoiding the consequences of her own actions....

[fictionkinfessions]

Canon pronouns, spn edition

Sam; They/she/he. I disliked she greatly for a very long time because I didn't want people to think I was female. It grew on me again though in time, personal growth and noning my binary and such. Most commonly though, I used they/them. He/him was the standard pronoun for people who didn't have the mind to ask for my pronouns and she/her was usually a family thing. So it's very weird to watch source and constantly hear he/him, cause Dean would've never used he/him on me in a million years. Nowadays I've also trying out neopronouns, still a work in progress.

Dean; he/him. very uninteresting, I know. Sammy can write a whole book about their pronouns but all I got to say is use she/her on me and I will smite you with my trans boy swag. Yeah, I've been learning from the sys teens. I have trans boy swag now. He/him back then and he/him now.

And answering for our Cas because he wants to but can't, we didn't use any pronouns at all for Cas. The show using he/him from the start for them is confusing as fuck. Using he/they for Cas only came very, very late. By now he also warmed up to xe/xem. The concept of pronouns confused them and never felt right to him for a long time.

- #🎞️, supernatural fictives of Sam, Dean and Castiel

4

[shallowseeker]

when dean thinks he’s alone, he definitely dances to (embarrassing) songs in the kitchen

///

there are exactly twelve times he gets caught.

1. the first time, it’s sam. dean knows it’s sam because sam doubles over in over-the-top laughter right away.

for weeks after that, sam starts singing, “too high, can’t come do—own,” in a britney-toned falsetto.

the dick.

2. the second time isn’t so bad. dean’s doing a lil sock-footed shimmy to aretha franklin’s r-e-s-p-e-c-t, and he catches a face-full of kevin tran’s spit-take.

pepsi. yuck.

coulda been worse for sure.

3. the third time’s pretty bad. he really should know better by now.

dean’s in his dead-guy robe, and one of those crackley old recordings of irving berlin’s dancing cheek to cheek comes on over the tinny radio he’s got propped up in the bunker kitchen. (grammy hall of fame 2000 version.) dean imagines frank sinatra and ginger rogers, and he starts to sway, liking how his robe billows around when he spins. it’s a little bit like fighting, except…

…the big band sound’s got him feeling a little giddy.

he spins a little faster and mouths along to the lyrics, “And the cares that hung around me through the week, Seem to vanish like a gamblers lucky streak, When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek.”

dean picks up the still-cold cast iron skillet (he plans to make an omelet in a little while) and smooshes his hot, hot cheek against its cold surface.

the music swells.

Dance with me , I want my arm about you , That charm about you, Will carry me through to Heaven

and suddenly, cas is there. his face is pinched as he watches and—shit that’s actually cas. in the doorway. not some weirdo daydream.

the skillet lands on dean’s foot with a painful thud, and dean slams his hand down on the radio and fumbles till the volume cuts completely.

“dammit cas! don’t sneak up on a guy like that!”

(cas is still a new and relatively uncommon presence in the bunker, after all.)

“i wasn’t…sneaking. Dean, your foot.”

dean ignores the skillet on the ground and puts a hand on his hip, affecting hopefully something blasé and uncaring. “hm? oh. my foot’s good, dude.”

cas raises a brow, then pointedly tracks his eyes to the table across the room.

just peachy.

now cas wants to heal him. this just gets better and better. dean takes a limping step.

ow. nope.

yeah, if he limps his way over there, it’ll be obvious how much his damn toes hurt.

next, cas looks pointedly at the taller, bar height table—the one closer to the stove, and to dean. dean mutters an annoyed, “okay, okay,” before making a great show of rolling his eyes and hoisting himself up.

“it’s not that bad, cas.” he swings his feet childishly for emphasis.

cas kneels. and slides off dean’s soft house-shoe. his fingerpads wrap around dean’s ankle as he leans forward to inspect.

yeah, the toes are swollen as fuck. three of them are purple and there’s black blood underneath the second toenail. (that pressure is probably what hurts. were he alone, dean would probably drill a hole in it or yank the nail, just to release the pressure.)

as it is, dean’s already relaxing before cas even fixes it, probably a pavlovian response to cas healing him so many times.

then hot, hot grace flows in, and the pain ebbs away. cas’s fingers drift down towards dean’s toes, like he’s checking them one last time.

for some damn reason, dean wriggles his toes as cas’s fingers sweep by. then, like dean’s toes have some kind of angel banishing sigil carved on them, cas is up and headed for the library, muttering something about helping sam.

it’s probably dean’s imagination, but he thinks he hears cas humming the sinatra song, a whole week later.

dean thinks about how the skillet felt against his cheek.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 171

Torn and Frayed

“Torn and Frayed”

Plot Description: Naomi tells Castiel that Crowleu is holding an angel captive, and Castiel must rescue him before Crowley’s torture reveals their secrets

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: Nope. Probably not. Because I’m not a near-immortal being

Sam…yeah, Dean has kept the truth about how he’s feeling about things from you plenty of times in a misguided attempt to protect you, but he’s been unflinchingly honest way more than you ever have been. He tells this one lie and all of a sudden you’ve never lied???

I’m so…mad at how Sam’s handling this. You and Dean had such DIFFERENT years apart

At least Cas is now self aware that he’s not good at talking to people and needs Dean’s help with that

Hiding your porn from your angel crush…sure, Dean

Poor Samandriel. He’s really going through it

Girl, did you just cheat on your husband with Sam??

Honestly, for an ultimatum, it’s EXTREMELY fair. He can’t just flit in and out of her life

CAS!! There’s honest and there’s just blatantly telling Kevin he looks horrible

I mean, if you have an angel on hand to play errand boy for your demon bomb ingredients, why not use him?

I love that Kevin just kind of finds Dean annoying and puts on noise canceling headphones, and GOOD THAT HE DOES. Look, Dean’s not wrong. Mrs Tran is hot, but you don’t have to say that to Kevin to see if he can hear you!!

BENNY??? Oh no. He’s struggling to keep clean…or cleanish

Oh Kevin. “I can’t enjoy a world I need to save.” You poor thing. This should not be on your shoulders, and I’m so sorry it is

YOU KNOOOOOOW. He’s right though. And I have MISSED Castiel not caring super hard about what the Winchesters WANT and focusing on what NEEDS to get done

Love how “destroy the angel warding sigils” translates to “spray paint an X over them” somehow and it WORKS

Ok but maybe you SHOULD be listening to your head torturer

CASTIEL WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. WHY AFE YOU COWERING NOW. YEAH I KNEW NAOMI FUCKING SUCKED

Oh shit. That’s no good. The demons now know there’s an Angel tablet

Oh…oh Castiel. I’m so mad on your behalf

God…the Dean/Benny breakup should not have affected me that much

Omgggggg Amelia went, and Sam wasn’t there. Like, of course he wasn’t but damn that sucks for her.

I could never be a wincest shipper but watching Dean break up with Benny and Sam not go to Amelia at the exact same time in order to work together again, I can understand how they get there

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 09x10 Road Trip

“I was probably right to be skeptical that he’s not dead, but I think they’re trying to tell us that Kevin Tran is dead” “If you stand any closer, you’ll fkn burn yourself” “They just did that to light up his face and ear” “is the ear part of the face?” “crust” “What did Dean like about Kevin Tran so much?” Dean feels responsible

“I got that” Dean isn’t emoting healthily

“I think he realized that only after he destroyed $10K of lamps” “what the fuck? That was so weird” “maybe should have called security” “what’s the bottle next to the gun? Oh it’s table salt!” “It’s salt” “the pretty gun is purty expensive” “where was Cas at that time?” Cas was freshly human

“The lighting is fkn delicious” “well let’s start with torture and needles and other creepy shit” “or we can go to Crowley. That makes more sense” “I’m right up there with Crowley’s ask” “wouldn’t that imply that Plan B is better? I know he’s trying to convey his plan is better” “Way to show all your cards man” “inexplicably” “Does he not know he needs to put gas in it?” “oh it’s the pimp mobile” laughter

“He fkn said it” “I said the same thing”

“Did he think the gas goes in the butt like Dean’s car?” “Why are they both in the back?” “Oh yeah bud” “Hell yeah” “who did he kill?” He was the only who let the snake in the garden “I already forgot” “Is this how all cults get started? Jesus fkn Christ” “yes muffins” “bloody muffins” laughter

“Well shit” “This was Plan A, for real?” “When was Dr. Sexy?” Idk. Like S4

“Phallus on wheels?” 

Laughter “what” “that’s such a canned thing” “he’s fkn killing people” “gotta kill an asshole” “oh never mind” “what?” “Is he not a wise man? Is he one of the 3 dwarves?” NO, he’s not a wiseman who visited Jesus LMAO

“If this guy stabs his friend, all angels are shit.” “Except for Cas I guess” “I shouldn’t generalize, but a lot of them are shitty” “I hate those light switches. Those half-cocked sideways things’

“That’s a lot of jello powder” “with the fist thing” “why would you ever tell your boss that?” “Sorry ma’am. Just playing both sides” “some fkn party” “ghouls and cheerleaders? I want that episode” “That would have been a good episode. They realize they’re in the angel dream. That would have been a better way to write that. Would have been so badass” “Is this just brain damage that the angels can fix?” “just gotta lobotomize him no worries” laughter

“Small talk” “you split up and didn’t work together so….” “he made some ass joke” “you damn sonuvabitch” laughter

“Dean wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for Gadreel so idk” “can’t or won’t?” “not even king of hell would do this without getting paid first” laughter “what the hell man. He’s so good with the words. It’s crazy” “just a weird thing” “it is a bad joke.” “can’t he just say the word again?” “I need a go word” “We don’t have a go word” We can come up with one “Isn’t it Gadreel’s dream that he invented?” “gulp” “That’ll leave him all in one piece no problem” “oh yes the Lincoln” “Is’nt that brand dead now?” “the goodest guy” “he planned that out” “that was good though” laughter

“They don’t have him miked up very well so it sounds funny. That’s what I’m laughing about” “they must not believe in lawyers and health care directives” laughter

“How many sons of bitches are there?” “the fkn lighting man is so good” “so fkn good” “like in some shows, it doesn’t feel intentional but this one feels like a paintbrush”

[grazhir]

Sims 4

Right. Live in services. Hired a live-in nanny (and yes, I use Better Nanny). They still act weird around newborns.

But, LittleMsSam just did an update for a handful of mods, which included Better Nanny and Live In Services, so my copies have been deleted and replaced (plus the usual batch file I wrote to remove the usual cache-type files was run).

Current girl (Haru) has a single son (currently an infant) with her husband (Tom Riddle, because why not, and he's a modified version of Morgan Ember's face, without the trans stuff, and with brown hair, orange eyes [orange because my default eye replacements replaced the unusual red with orange and it's way better looking], plus some settings done with CAS and WW to ensure he actually has a penis and can father babies).

Anyway, an infant son, Harley, who when I last left off, was covered in a dust cloud from having crawled downstairs and "played" with one of the counters. I can only hope that will have vanished when I load back up again. Or when he ages up to toddler. IDEK.

[I have since put up a fence around the lift shaft, and applied baby proofing, in the hopes that the ankle biter does not crawl downstairs again.]

So, I can do canning and all that, but the mod to allow for experimental means on ovens is not functioning (possibly because I put back BrazenLotus's food core changes, so I disabled the experimental cooking mod) and I still see ** DEFAULT ** in some of my lists (books, grocery items, etc.). I also can purchase meat substitute and get charged for it, but it never arrives in my inventory.

But I can make it via canning and it's just fine? Geez. So yeah, one of those is out on the counter in the event I need to Copypasto the hell out of it (because white and red meat spoil, just like milk and eggs).

[You know, kind of like how I keep certain RoM potions on top of the fireplace so I can Copypasto the hell out of them, such as Plentiful Needs.]

Also, my sims cannot complete cooking a grand meal. That one's new. Meh. Not that big a deal, and I edited all the holidays to remove the Grand Meal stuff. Not even sure if Grand Delicioso can magic in a roast chicken or turkey at this point. This is a minor issue.

The amusing thing about Tom Riddle is that he was employed as a babysitter when my girl invited him to live with her (prior to having a not-so-spontaneous proposal at the Romance Festival and subsequent civil ceremony in Tartosa). Yeah, sure, he managed one promotion, but fuck that. I switched him to the science track, mostly because I want a portal to Sixam, and I turned off the Follow thing.

[cadybear420]

Really wishing PB would add an "are you cis or trans" menu like ILW and BB:TS Demo have, plus options to choose your anatomy separately from bodytype which I think ILW also had . Like I don't think it's that hard? I feel like it would solve a lot of these problems. And not just for the GOC books either, btw. Most of the genderlocked books, including the pointfully GL'd ones, could be really interesting to play as a trans woman MC. Especially books like BP and KND, which literally have canon trans women Aisha and Saff in their girl squad groups.

They/them options and choosing pronouns separately from bodytype (which they consistently included in most of 2022's new GOC books but pretty much dropped for all of 2023's new GOC books, which is not giving me good vibes, thankfully we're getting them back in TDG) is a good start, but there's more that can be done.

And seriously I will never fucking shut up about the clothing stuff on God. Why do the fem bodytype versions of an outfit need to be all slinky and revealing while the masc bodytype versions are more basic? Granted they have been stepping up their risque game with some of the masc body outfits in books like DLS, Alpha, TCH 2, and ID 2. But Even in those books and other books like Unbridled they often fall into what's basically the Female Video Game Armor trope but with a different coat of paint.

And people will complain about others wanting more GOC stories because "the video game industry has been catering to men for years, this is one of the few video games with female locked playable characters". Putting aside all the other problematic implications with that statement (if you can)... is this the game you wanna defend as that? Really? I will never not emphasize this. "One of the few games catered to women", yet the game in question hardly gives a damn about sapphic, aroacespec, trans, and GNC women. But sure, give them brownie points for doing the bare fucking minimum I guess.

Why do like, 90% of the GOC LIs in the past 2 years put the female versions in midriff crop tops while the male ones are not? And I really do mean this estimated statistic. Devon from TPS, Gabe and Cas from ID, Jordan from GG, Drew from RWB, Blake from FCL, Kaine from KND, formal outfit for Charlie from DLS, Channing from Alpha, Ash from Guarded...

If this TFS Chris Romantic Getaway side story doesn't completely expose their mindset with outfits and gender, then IDK what does lol (seriously, fuck this whole scene).

Anyways, continuing on. I'm a GNC cis woman, and every time the narration has to talk about how an outfit shows off "the curves of your waist" or when a LI has to give attention to my character's breasts (or ass, but I see it with breasts more commonly), it takes me right out of the story. It's part of why I prefer to play the smutty stories with a male/masc MC, but even then they have to make it all about his muscles instead. Because the only way for women to be attractive is to have "le sexy feminine curves" and the only way for men to be attractive is to have "le big strong muscles" apparently.

I'd like to see them change things up a bit. Like a female or fem bodytype MC get attention for stuff like shoulders, arms, hands. A male or masc bodytype MC getting attention for stuff like hips, ass, legs. Or, since the bodytype options are limited, at least allow us to imagine MC's bodtype a bit differently from how the sprite looks and give us bodytype neutral writing.

Also, for the love of god, different bodytypes for LIs too. I understand not doing it for MCs because it means different versions of an outfit for all the bodytypes, but LIs generally will always have fixed bodytypes so you could at least vary that up a bit.

Okay I'm maybe getting a bit off topic here IDK, but I'll finish it off by saying that... yeah, we aren't just complaining for no reason. We're complaining because we know PB can do better. People have said that of these kinds of apps, Choices is the best one for queer players, because most of the other VN apps similar to Choices don't even have GOC options or female LI options very often if at all. We have higher expectations for PB because we know they can do better.

If a bunch of passionate independent fancreators can incorporate stuff like cis/trans options in a non-profit VN fangame, what excuse does a professional company have?

i haven't yet gotten to book 2 but i read the wiki just in case and then i got to this part... WHAT. like literally what. i'm guessing what's happening here is one of two options

what they actually mean is "the third option depends on your character's pronouns, unless they use they/them pronouns, in that case it depends on their body type" but they didn't actually word it like that because it'd seem transphobic as fuck

they really do mean it depends strictly on mc's body type, not pronouns at all, meaning an mc that looks fem according to body type but uses he/him pronouns will still be called "queen" by the game and viceversa

long ass rant incoming lol

and it's not even specifically this fuck up in a supposedly "inclusive" book that makes me so mad but the fact that there's also the one MAH scene, the scene that discusses queer identities openly and maturely in a book that's supposed to be one of the most inclusive and queer friendly in the entire app, that when it's mc's turn to speak on what they've experienced, if they have a body type that doesn't match their pronouns and have romanced a li with the opposite pronouns (ie feminine body type, he/him pronouns and romanced stevie, or masculine body type, she/her pronouns and romanced a male li) the game treats mc like a cishet person by default and completely ignores body type. i don't know about y'all but i certainly find it ironic that, again, in one of the most queer friendly books, the only option to be considered queer "by default" by the game (and thus get the question of what you've experienced) if you're playing as a trans mc is to date someone of the same gender.

but let's go back to crimes of passion for a moment, eh? specifically the very first chapter. despite the dialogue here depending only on body type instead of pronouns, in the case of the first chapter (specifically the scene where trystan and mc first meet) it's a completely different situation, here it does depend strictly on pronouns even if it literally doesn't make sense. in my first ever play, i played as my usual mc, a nb!mc romancing m!trystan, and me being nb, trystan called me "a stranger". not particularly unusual, right? after all, "stranger" is gender neutral, and so i thought that was the dialogue in all cases. well... it's not. i decided to play differently, specifically with the masc body type, she/her pronouns, and f!trystan. she literally called me a "strange woman" despite not being able to guess that mc's pronouns are she/her just by looking at her, because obviously there's only two body types, fem and masc, and it's not like we ever get gnc clothing styles. that, and in all cases mc never tells trystan their pronouns, so even in the nb!mc play i got quite startled at "they're a private detective". yes, that can be interpreted as trystan simply not wanting to assume genders or it being a case of culture shock from drakovia, but then what about my masc f!mc?

and that's because pb never intended to add inclusivity in terms of binary trans mcs, or even just queer mcs beyond "gay, lesbian, bi, or non-binary BUT if they're nb they have to be either fem or masc" (see: option to pick specific sexuality for mc only appearing in the elementalists and then never again, except in the royal masquerade but they removed the option to be ace so that doesn't count for me). they never intended for players to play as a masculine looking mc that uses she/her or a feminine looking mc that uses he/him.

if they really cared about inclusivity, they would let mcs be androgynous. they would add skirts, dresses, stereotypically "fem" clothing - or just clothing that isn't just a plain t shirt or a suit in formal situations for amab or masc looking mcs. they would add more pants, baggy clothing, more stereotypically "masc" clothing - or just options that aren't always incredibly revealing slinky dresses or crop tops and short skirts meant to "emphasize your sexy feminine curves" for afab or fem looking mcs. THEY WOULD ADD NON BINARY LIS AND MORE TRANS LIS. they wouldn't have the only option to play as an explicitly trans mc (or, well, the closest thing to "explicitly trans" there can be given there's absolutely no dialogue or even implication about mc being trans in any pronoun of choice book, save for MAH but i already complained about my problems) be playing with an extremely feminine/masculine body type and having the pronouns as the only indication mc is trans, completely ignoring the dysphoria that'd give many actually trans players.

no, that's not their intention and it's never been that. their sole reason for adding the "body type separate from pronouns" is to categorize mcs that use they/them and tell them they have to be either feminine or masculine, no androgynous or gender non conforming options at all. basically the question "but are you a GIRL non binary or a BOY non binary?" they would've probably forced she/her or he/him mcs into their respective body types and only ask "but are you a pretty feminine afab enby or a handsome masculine amab enby" to they/them mcs but they knew they'd get the backlash of their lives for that so they just went "we'll just ask for body type regardless, it's not like players will actually pick he/him pronouns while playing as a WOMAN right???"

conclusion/tldr. if pb actually wanted inclusivity, they can actually put in the work and acknowledge that people do want to play as an explicitly queer mc beyond just same gender relationships and performatively adding they/them pronouns to only SOME goc books, or else just don't do anything and show they don't care at all. not pretend they care but only add the bare minimum and pat themselves on the back for it.

[deancasbigbang]

Title: And you're the sky

Author: Desirae

Artist: Caduceuzs

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Dean/Cas, background Gabriel/others

Length: 28000

Warnings: n/a

Tags: Pilot Cas/Chef Dean, mutual pining, roommates, insecure Dean, Castiel has endverse vibes, romcom, jealousy, recreational drug use, boys in love, happy ending

Posting Date: October 5, 2022

Summary:  Pilot, Castiel Novak left home, and the family business, more than a decade ago, after a falling out with his late father. But now, a desperate call for help from his brother has him returning home. Gabriel has been grounded from flying due to hypertension and needs Castiel to fill in for him until he is cleared to fly again. Refusing to stay in the family home, Castiel is invited to use Gabriel’s best friend’s spare room; only when he arrives, Castiel is shocked to discover that his new roommate is a former one-night stand; one that he had thought of many times over the years. Dean Winchester, a man with his own demons, and didn’t let them define his life.   Falling into a routine— talks with Dean over morning coffee, reconnecting with his brother, and flying the route he’s known like the back of his hand since he was a kid— is easier for Castiel than he ever imagined. It was everything he always wanted.   Dean was everything he ever wanted. All Castiel needed to do was stay.

Excerpt: “Alright, Gabe, pull up a stool and tell me why you've been acting like a toddler with a sugar rush?” “These stools are bolted in-”  “Shut up and sit down. What's going on with you?” Dean studied his friend, even more concerned now when his usually bright golden-brown eyes looked downright miserable. Gabriel sighed, and it was a defeated sound. “I've been grounded.” Dean’s brows rose. That wasn't what he was expecting. " Until I can get my blood pressure under control, I can't fly,” Gabriel continued, grabbing a napkin from the dispenser and shredding it agitatedly.  “And I know I have Kevin, but he's a junior pilot; he can't fly all the hours. His mother would kill me.” Gabriel had that right. Linda Tran was a force to be reckoned with and was already pretty upset that Kevin had given up going into politics to become a pilot.  “I’ll have to put out an ad, and who knows how long that could take. If I don’t get another pilot soon, I could go under." Dean chewed on his cheek, debating about whether or not to say something, then figured why not. The worst Gabriel could do was shoot down his idea. “What about your brother? He's a pilot, too, isn't he?” It was a testament to how off Gabriel was that he didn’t end the conversation right then. “Things are complicated for my brother. I don’t know if he would even return my calls.” “Do you not speak at all?” “Cassie, he… he was my best friend. Dad fucked him over pretty bad. I’m not going to get into why; it’s not my story to tell, but when he left, he said he’d never come back. Not as long as Dad was still on the island.” Dean regarded his friend,” Well, he isn’t here now,” he said gently. “And if you and your brother were as close as you say, maybe he’ll be grateful for the chance to come back and help you out.” Gabriel looked doubtful but gave a half-hearted shrug.  “I’ll think about it.” “You will?” Dean asked, brow raised, and Gabriel sighed again. “Yeah. If I can’t find someone by the end of the month, I’ll call Castiel.”  

DCBB 2022 Posting Schedule

[autisticandroids]

my fics

this post has gotten out of hand, so i'm putting most of it under a cut. also, since this is my pinned, i'll link some other stuff:

[my fic rec post] [my amv rec post] [my amv tag]

alright. my spn fics. listed in increasing order of wordcount.

enjoying it, .5k: A little piece of an AU I've discussed on Tumblr (linked in the note). Linda has recently sold her soul. Meg has recently gotten hers back. They chat about it.

meg/linda tran. sure you could say that i'm mashing dolls together but you could also say that in my mind season nine is a beautiful land where the main characters of the show are cas, linda, meg, and kevin and making meg and linda kiss is just clearly the next step.

a family vignette, .5k: A couple of scenes from the bunker, starring the last men on earth.

man it must have been pretty bad in the bunker during 15x19 huh. like pretty awful. and miserable.

latch, .5k: A miracle happens. Dean feeds Cas.

hello destiel breastfeeding community.

voyeur, 1k: Dean watches his other self talk to Cas.

i feel like endverse fic is a right of passage, isn't it? this is one of only two three four i guess now five fics on this list which makes no mention of godstiel.

to act with intention, 1k: The family Winchester on the road back to the Bunker after Cas kills Billie, and more importantly, after Mary makes certain revelations about Cas' state. A rather unpleasant car ride for all concerned.

#mpregpocalypse, etc.

stability, 1k: Sam has noticed that Cas' feelings toward Dean may be more than purely platonic. He is concerned about the stability of his family.

a short little fic where i make the dynamics among tfw worse.

getting serious, 1k: A small vignette of family life in the bunker, and the difficulties therein. Dean pays no attention to Sam's escape attempt.

established destiel. sam and dean have a horrible little conversation.

no longer your brother, 1k: Michael and Lucifer pose a threat to His reign, though a small one. God pays them a visit.

OLD-ass godstiel fic from when i was like. sixteen. my interests have not changed at all.

cold storage, 1k: Crowley discovers something fascinating about Cas.

a little bit of lighthearted crowstiel fuckbuddies.

yeah, well, i don't want to, 1k: He didn't do it on purpose.

a little brothers-centric deanfic for the pilot. dean is very normal.

the follower, 1k: The world is being restructured. Dean can't stop it. He has a long conversation with someone instead.

an unpleasant and uncomfortable conversation between dean and godstiel. dean tries to make it sexual in order to make cas uncomfortable. it does not make cas uncomfortable.

squeeze, 1k: Soft, sweet Destiel sex. They're still getting used to each other. That's it.

destiel fluff. dean is so lovely when he's neurotic.

just gimme daddy's blunt instrument, 1k: Dean points a gun at Cas.

godstiel gunfellatio fic. they don't fuck in this but they do.

dog pit., 1k: Meg. And bodies. And guts.

meg fetishism.

damage control for a walking corpse, 1k: Meg escapes Crowley's dungeon, at least for a little while. She prays.

meg character study featuring faith, lucifer, masochism, and megstiel.

debug., 1k: Dean gets his crew to steal him an angel.

written for @au-roulette, an experimental cyberpunk au fic.

hunger, 1k: Endverse Cas talks about what it was like to have Dean inside him.

november fifth fic 2022. despite being technically an endverse fic, focuses on cas saving dean from hell.

eros and thanatos, 1k: Cas enjoys himself immensely, and then he doesn't. Dean can't find out.

my entry for @deancas-stabfest! casturbation feat. cas triggering himself and throwing up after.

soft and squishy, 2k: Dean shoots Cas. He processes that.

extra extra come get your hell trauma! come get your fluffy gore porn! written for @destielvalentinesexchange

the beautiful people, 2k: Dean and what it's like to be wanted.

dean has a pretty bad relationship with sex and sexuality doesn't he.

dean winchester really needs to make some gay friends, 2k: There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.

post canon fluff and humor, written and posted during the week of madness between 15x18 and 15x19. an exploration of a dean who is queer, but doesn't really understand how to be queer yet.

there is want., 2k: There is God. And there is a body. And there is want.

*sigh* more godstiel fic. this time with horrific and gratuitous gore. godstiel eats some copies of dean, to see if that will satisfy him. this one, the follower, and just gimme daddy's blunt instrument are a kind of triptych. they don't exist in the same continuity but they all follow the same themes: sex-without-sex between dean and godstiel, mixed with character and relationship exploration.

wink, 3k: Cassie deals with grieving her father, and has a little lesbian interlude.

my first piece for @spntoxicfemslashevent this year. hey have you guys heard about meg 1.0? have you heard about meg 1.0? what about cassie have you heard about cassie? have you heard about megcassie?

smorgasbord, 3k: An incident under the influence of Famine.

my bloody valentine fic (evil) (horny) (evil).

goldfish, 4k: Lisa Braeden opens the door for some strangers.

a study on cas in the aftermath of a slightly divergent moriah where jack did not die, through the lens of lisa braeden and her memory.

three card stud, 4k: A collection of script excerpts for a version of Season Six that goes a bit differently. Cas and Dean conspire. Lisa is oblivious, and they keep her that way. Dr. Freud always said nightmares were based on wishes, too.

finally! some deancaslisa infidelity. mindwipenatural (worse). live free or twi-hard (better). an experimental amv for a version of season six that doesn't exist.

i fold in half so easily, 5k: A study in learned helplessness, set in the Men of Letters Bunker. Cas clings hard to what he has, and doesn't think about what he doesn't.

this is my 15x18 anti-fix-it. my 15x18 make-it-worse. my magnum opus of the winchester family horror in late seasons, or at least cas' experience of it. established relationship destiel (derogatory). it's my favorite piece i've published in spn fandom, and maybe in any fandom. i put a lot into it and i hope you get a lot out of it.

circle, broken, 5k: A series of conversations and resolutions. Cas haunts the fringes of a new Heaven.

my piece for @spnangelbang! 5k of quiet cas angst and angel feelings, with a little bonus trueform stuff.

not him/not her/not me, 5k: Memory repeats itself: first as trauma, second as kink. Isn't that what Karl Marx said? Two pinned butterflies explore it together.

megstiel piece for @spnangelsanddemons-rb. what if you got brainwashed, huh? what if you were always getting brainwashed? what if your whole life was about getting brainwashed? brainwashed and remade?

he's gonna take my files, 6k: Dean goes to the Empty, where Cas is floating through his memories.

dean in the dean torture chamber. featuring guilt spirals, a deancaslisa threesome (arguably), stabbing, relitigation of the canon, and a cameo from the yellow-eyed demon.

so much smoke in a hall of mirrors, 6k: Humans kiss each other. Angels kill each other. Castiel distracts himself from the war he's losing.

doing angel politics, unconsensually watching dean rake leaves (and other things), working on his frustrations on the physical bodies available to him. it's season six and cas is having a terrible time. formerly known as the dean sex doll fic.

the real finale, 21k: Supernatural 15x19 and 15x20, as they should have been.

mainly the work of @beatsheetketch, but it is our shared brainchild. a lot softer and fluffier than either of our usual fair. our go at a finale rewrite.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas! Swiftie anon. So school ended today, and I’m free for like two-ish months. Since you’re a teacher when did your school end? Do you have to do summer school?

the first day of summer starts tomorrow, and I’m nervous. Spending so much time alone with my mom, ugh. She starts her job soon, she hasn’t had one and got hip surgery back in January, but she works at home. Having her be occupied will be nice though. I still remember a few summers ago where she screamed at the top of her lungs at us, for being too loud while she was working. Luckily we won’t have that issue (hopefully)

my friend are inviting me over to their houses all summer so I don’t have to stay at home, so that’s a plus. And I have to go to church in a few days, and ugh, I cringe thinking about it.

so about my brother’s dorm, he’s just going to have his own room, and a communal bathroom, stereotypical college dorm, ig. And like my parents said they had health concerns from my brother sharing a bathroom with two transgender/(+)nonbinary people, but having way more people, idk doesn’t seem logical. My mom said something about hormones and what they’re doing to their bodies, but idk, gives me the ick. Apparently while we were at school, they had a talk. My brother told he that she doesn’t listen, etc. basically that she sucks at parenting, and my mom said she isn’t a nurturing person, which jeez, I couldn’t tell. At home it feels like everyone is holding their breath, that split second of silence before a bomb goes off. I was eavesdropping on my parents (again) and they were talking about how they shouldn’t make it a big deal, and it wouldn’t have been if they hadn’t gone fucking insane over it. They were also talking about how it was an issue how my brother saw a as a girl? Which like, they’re friends, she dresses feminine, she has long hair, she wears makeup and I’m pretty sure she’s on hormones (is that the correct term?). My brother is a respectful person, it’s like the same thing as calling someone a nickname. That why we have to go to church, because to quote my mom, “the indoctrination starts young, (my name) and (my sisters name) could already know about this.” I almost wanted to pop up and shout that I read fanfiction about gay people in imaginary worlds every night before I go to sleep. She’s like scared we’ll become gay or something. She even said so herself, (to my dad) “moving our son out of the room won’t solve anything, he could still go and hang around lgbtsaui (she said a ton of random letters bc “the acronym is too long”) and be exposed to it” yeah bc there’s gay people in real life an they’re apart of society. And yes, my parents care a lot about college, they both grew up poor so it makes sense. And my mom likes saying things, she said yesterday morning that she wanted to split her and my dad’s finances, but that didn’t happen, she has mental issues too. Or runs on her side of the family, my aunt, she committed suicide in the 90s and apparently my mom has suffered from low mood, so thanks a lot to her ig.

as for if my brother likes a, my parents asked right before if they asked if he liked boys “do you like (deadname) like a boyfriend.” He said no, obviously, bc she’s a girl now. My brother hasn’t show interest in anyone as far as I know, we don’t talk about that stuff together, but we play a video game together, and he likes the female characters, but he could like, like their design and sorry and stuff, or like them, or both. But women are usually prettier in video games so straight dudes buy. Can you be straight and date a trans person(I’m uneducated, i apologize)? My dad asked him “would you ever be with someone knowing that they’re actually a boy? I wouldn’t, I feel like people don’t tell others that these days.” My brother said no, obviously he could be telling the truth or lying and there is a “right” answer when my parents ask. So idk if he likes a, as far as I know, he hasn’t been interested in someone like that. Honestly by brother is probably a straight cis dude, if he’s not, he can tell me if he likes. If he doesn’t want to tell me, well there’s clearly a reason for that. He’s my older brother, he’s helped me through a lot, that won’t change.

I am not youngest sibling anon, bc I have never had a crush on anyone. *awkward jazz hands* bc I’m aroace. Probably. Somewhere on the spectrum anyway, I’m too depressed to have a sexuality crisis. So I’m you’re the first person i came out to, so congrats (?). I honestly haven’t told anyone, bc I’m in middle school and everyone is just gonna tell me I’m too young to know and I can’t deal with homophobes and my many mental illnesses. And I’m fine with being a girl (for now, I’m young so who knows?), I have body image issues, but that’s bc I have confidence issues. I hope they’re doing okay cause it looks like they’re going through some shit.

Okay so today at school, like 10 minutes before we were dismissed there was one one over the loudspeaker, saying something and my math teacher smells us to be quiet so we could hear. We didn’t, he told us to be quiet again, and we didn’t again. He whistled and shouted shut up. And I got scared, I flinched, my friends pointed it out, I hid behind one of them. Some people were joking about how red his face was, I was scared, like my life was being threatened. It’s just so embarrassing, idk, I thought I knew how to handle myself, I thought I got over it. One of my friends, held up a wooden block and pretended to throw it at me, before the teacher yelled at us, and I ducked and covered my head. It’s just frustrating, bc I thought maybe I was getting better. I stopped getting hit years ago, I shouldn’t be flinching like that anymore.

I’m just so upset with myself, bc I should be happy, I’m a kid, I have stuff, my life is comfortable, I have friends. Beside my home life, it’s been okay. Why aren’t I happy. Why can’t I be happy. It’s just so frustrating bc everyone around me is happy, carefree almost. And I can’t be like that, I didn’t think you could still be like that, as a teenager. It’s so, maddening, and I…I want to be happy too, I’ve been trying so hard for so long to be happy, and every comment my parents make about having a positive attitude hurts more. Because I am trying, I’ve been trying so hard for so long, and no one can even notice the difference. It’s all just fucking pointless. This is my best, my best sucks and can’t do shit, apparently. I thought I was doing things, it hurts, it hurts so much more than I thought it would. Staying alive, here, I never thought it could hurt so much. And like, sometimes I wonder if there’s a point, I’ll end up alone, everyone keeps moving away, I’m literally a mistake, bc my parents didn’t mean for me to even be here and I don’t want to be.

this was way longer than intended, I’ll drop it here for now, if I don’t send another message, it’s bc i got my phone taken.

have a good day/night!

Hi hon!

Okay, so yes, hormones is the right term, but remember that a trans person doesn't have to be on hormones to be trans or to be considered the gender they identify as.

Also, yes, straight people can date trans people. I think, in some ways, it's affirming for a straight dude to be like "of course I'm straight because I'm dating x. Because she's a girl" It reminds x that she IS a girl.

As far as your happiness- when you say "I have stuff, my life is comfortable" so? You clearly aren't being supported, of COURSE you're sad! And it's okay to be sad! Just remember that this won't last forever. Soon, you'll be the one off to college, and your parents will have less and less control over you.

I'm sending you so much love and support <3

[crimsonxe]

Alright let’s get some fucking shit correct here @ashelyskies

a) I didn’t say K/din’s case wasn’t problematic, you fucking jackass. I did say that K/din’s case was 8 (EIGHT) fucking years ago with more of a case of ignorant views vs. bigotry. Which my sentiment is backed up by her response to one of the parties where she herself states not holding present people to the guillotine for their past shit. Anyway setting that aside: That whole thing was apologized for by one of the parties involved in it before anything was mentioned to the public (so wasn’t for brownie points) w/ said apology being accepted by her with a statement about not going after people for their past (cause really want to make sure this part gets across); yet this was still brought up and said party was still thrown to the damn wolves regardless of them doing every damn thing right. Mostly because this part wasn’t part of the initial post and was only brought up in said reply to the other party.

Now this ignorance issue is something that can be applied to multiple people, especially with ones raised in certain areas and in a pre-LGBT+ mainstreaming era where someone doesn’t fucking know better. Someone 9 years prior uses a slur, then as they get older realize how bad it is and is horrified at using it in the past. Do I categorize that person as bigoted? No I don’t. Now take that person and have them in present continuing to use the term with full knowledge of its offensive nature? Yeah, that person is a bigot. Though this distinction eludes outrage culture types (usually of the far-left variety) that think the person deserves to be considered a bigot regardless of growth or change. You grew up in a place that was forward thinking and/or in more modern times? Good for your ass, not everyone fucking got that (this will be elaborated on further down).

b) The medical side of things: corps dodge any expense they fucking can and that has nothing to do with LGBT+ status. They’re just shitty and cheap. There’s nothing I’ve seen that goes towards it being at all tied to trans status. That’s not defending RT, its seeing them as what they are a corp; hell it doesn’t even paint them in a particularly good light cause still shitty.

c) Mi/ca presented a case where she walked in to see a white board with a slur on it, as if that was just a thing at RT and/or was meant for her to see it. The full context however: People were doing a damn South Park reference, the slur wasn’t fully there as per the reference, and it wasn’t meant to be seen by anyone but them. If anything it fits the idea of two 20-something idiot SP fans  latching onto distasteful SP “jokes”. Still shitty, but context puts more onus on SP that is being referenced and the parties being idiotic 20-somethings. NOT an intentional racist attack on Mi/ca and/or other PoC that’d come across it. It was also from years ago (a recurring theme), considering that episode of SP was from 2007 (yes I googled it) on top of that. It’s called being a dumbass 20-something fan that watched a show that leans on edgy distasteful “humor”. Not only does it only go towards what RT/AH was, “dudebro edgy humor”, but doesn’t reflect current RT/AH attitudes.

Now for anyone that follows me and wants anything to do with this person? Do whatever the fuck you want, I don’t care and I’m not your parent. I’m someone that grew up in a southern state that has experience with let’s say complicated/ nuanced views as a result of it. I used to watch South Park and know the mindset of a 20-something year old in regards to it. Also while I’ve never used certain slurs, I have in my ignorance used the G slur till I ran across information that corrected how to refer to Romani cause the G slur is the only word ever used in reference to them. I have used the r word and honestly still have to fight my own ingrained response towards it, when heated; because it was something that I grew up with and had to learn to not resort to. People are not fucking born perfect or even taught how to be perfect, there’s a growth period and an intent element. Which is exactly what my point is. I’m an LGBT+ center-leftist that grew up surrounded by the right wing ignorant people including friends and family. I’ve seen some evolve from as the times have as well as their ignorance being removed who deserve to be allowed to not be called fucking bigots for past bullshit. ftr that isn’t about RT either, that’s about irl; so yeah miss my fucking ass with the outrage culture bullshit that takes a “forever damaged/tainted”/”irredeemable” approach to the subject. Now in regards to RT: shitty things were said and perpetuated in the past by ignorant younger people of the time and corps are shitty penny-pinchers that care about expenses or hell with RT management’s impression just completely inept at remembering what they agreed to pay for. I won’t get swept into the outrage culture bullshit and have my own views on things.

Now I will say to definitely go fuck your damn self for trying to frame my post in the light that your fucking ass did. I guess if someone doesn’t line up perfectly in-step with your ass, then you have to try to smear them where you can. Unfortunately for you, I ran out of “giving a shit about others’ views of me” a long ass time ago; probably around the time I got tired of burying my LGBT+ status and started using my voice as I wished. In the past meant clashing against incels and right wingers; recently its meant clashing against far-leftists who both use similar ass tactics. I have disgust towards right-wingers and just anger towards the far-leftists that more times than not shoot the overall left’s causes in the foot.  “Go woke, go broke (right wing) = outrage culture (far-left).

[byronictrash]

so I was thinking about the whole hbo supernatural thing and all I could think was how it would fit in my major spn interpretation which is TRANSFEM SAM WINCHESTER!!!!

• changed her name to samantha for pure praticity

• is a lesbian, so all the romantic part is pretty similar to the canon, monsterfucking and all

• in which dean got a little confused about the distinction of gender ≠ sexuality at first like “wait but why did you become a girl if you like girls?” (he doesn’t know a lot of queer people, give him some time)

• AND SPEAKING OF DEAN! the biggest ally of all times. at first he doesn’t understand lots of stuff that seems obvious to sam (“why are you putting on a suit?” “dean we’re going to a small town, the case will be way harder if everyone is staring at me”), asks indiscrety questions (“can i ask you something?” “it depends” “you wanna chop your dick off?” “NO YOU CANT ASK IT”) but over time he starts to get it more naturally

• despite his numerous hook-ups, dean has never spent so much time in his life in a company of a woman so even the smallest things are extraterrestrial to him (“hey whats that bowl in the microwave?” “depilatory wax” “OH CMON SAMMY I WAS GOING TO HEAT UP MY DINNER THERE”)

• of course, there would be a scene where they met some hunter friend of john who says shit about sam, misgender her etc and dean goes FERAL, fist fighting with the guy and stuff. later sam yells at dean, saying she doesn't need dean to protect her and the argument would escalate to all the times that dean treated her in a condescending way, dean yelling back that dad said it was his job to take care of her and sam yelling even louder that dad would probably dead by now (in this moment all the lamps in their room (and in the street) simply explode, but they ignore. it was probably some short circuit…. right?)

• ok lets talk about john. still the same asshole, still gave a gun to kid who was afraid of the boogeyman, still tried to summon azazel when his son was in comma in 02X01 BUT now he also has a whole series of microaggressions with sam. she’s not stupid, she know the dad she has so doesn’t come out until she’s in stanford, SO john finds out sam is trans in 01X16 when john see sam after two years wearing a skirt and holding a .45 gun. he looks at her up and down and doesn’t say anything however, suddenly stops calling sam sam and starts calling her strictly samuel.

• it got worse after s1 season finale with the whole azazel possessed john > sam had the opportunity of killing azazel/her dad > couldn’t do it > azazel escaped > the winchesters get hit by a truck. when sam questions her father about being worried about the colt while his own son is dying, john explodes with her “you know samuel this is all your fault, once again you couldn’t just man up and pull the fucking trigger, kill the thing, you had to be same old sissy and chicken off, if your brother dies its his blood in your hands”

• aaaaaanyway, lets go back to our girl :D

• her style is kinda a mess. makeup done in a hurry, most of her clothes are mid skirts, hoodies and long dresses but now and then she spends a week wearing baggy jeans and band t-shirts, like dean’s, and no makeup at all. when he asks her “where is the whole angry teen outfit?” sam would simply respond its “because of the praticity, it’s tough to fight with a vampire in a dress lol” dean knows its because sometimes sam’s internalized transphobia ft repression gets loud

• her music taste is mostly grunge, punk and some alt bands she discover in stanford but dean call all of it emo “oh fuck off sammy, i let you drive once and you already put this emo shit” “dean this is literally nirvana, you cant call everything made after the 80’s emo”

• when she came out to bobby his reaction was literally “so now you’re a girl?” “uh… yeah” “gonna change your name or something?” “now is samantha but sam is still fine” “okay, now look this sigil... (and went back to the lore they were searching)”

• sam’s catholicism being more portrained on screen and how the dilemma of being a Christian and queer filled sam with religious guilty

• her paranormal powers also showed up sooner and since the beginning she knew something was wrong. her throat felt sore every time she recited the rituale romanus and holy water made her skin itchy. the older she got, the harder those “symptoms” became and with her denial, desire to be normal combined with religious guilt, it was easier to just convince herself that all this was just god punishing her for living in sin.

• surprisingly, all the demons and angels (and most of the monsters) even being assholes treats sam with the right pronouns

• which make sam and cas fist encounter even more interesting because cas literally turns to dean and go “is this your sister, samantha winchester?” “yeah” “ABOMINATION”’

• samruby second (cause the real first was ruby killing the seven deadly sins and stuff) encounter on the other side was a little more like "why are you following me?” “because youre tall and tall women are sexy as fuck” (then sam’s brain was short circuited for a sec because her height make usually makes her dysphoric)

• between s3-s4, dean still in hell, there would be a scene of one of the first times that sam drank blood to exorcise a demon with her mind. so here they are, demon tied in a chair and trapped in a trap, sam with blood all over her chin and ruby looking at her all heart eyes. Sam tries to do the exorcism but it doesnt work so ruby says sam needs more blood. Sam responds that shes nauseous and if takes any more shes gonna puke (cause you know voluntary vampirism came too natural in canon and that disturbs me) so the demon, who's wearing a cheerleader as a vessel, laughs and says "you know sammy, for real women blood tends to be a natural thing". ruby kills her on the spot.

• speaking of the catholicism (and the blood drinking) again, sam prays every single time before/after drinking demon blood, ruby mocks her for it but she doesnt care. its a weird feeling because even thinking that what shes doing is right, that she needs to get strong to kill lilith, it still feels bad, unholy in some sense.

• of course lucifer tempted her in s5 not only appearing as jess but also saying things like "why samantha, after all, are you willing to sacrifice yourself for a society that treats you like scum, that looks at you like a freak?"

• no need to say that in 05x04 "The End" episode when dean faces lucifer using sam as his vessel, she's wearing an outfit way cooler than that abbey-road-john-lennon-white-suit (to know what i mean search amanda seyfried 2018 met gala look THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!!!!)

• even after being clean of blood drinking, sam still has some of her paranormal powers. she can't do exorcises with her mind anymore but she can move small objects with telekinesis (she doesn't do it in front of dean cause she knows it would scares the fuck out of him)

i also had a list of some episodes rewritten in this au but this list is already long, guess i'll post later