#fuck yeah for trans cas rights

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

i explain india but i'm drunk.

Hello maggots of mine you're all such babygirls and bastards just like Aziraphale and Crowley. I'm so proud of you all for existing. Yes i'm a wholesome drunk you now know this about me. The wine tastes like rotten grapes and smells of battery acid and cost 245 rupees INR. Speaking of INR, thanks to a maggot's ask, I'm here to explain India. I've never set foot outside of this country. But I'm also very very shit at general knowledge.

To any non-Indians reading this, this is a totally legit 1000% everything covered all-inclusive summary. To any Indians reading this, I'm so so fucking sorry.

India, explained.

So there's south india and there's north india and there's north east india. north india is very racist about south india and they're both very racist about north east india. Most of these people are also probably racist either to other countries or they have internalised racism. It's a wild trip.

There are. A lot of languages here. And a LOT of scripts. I can read two scripts, understand four Indian languages and speak in two of them (badly), and those two are not my native tongues. I cannot speak in my native tongues. It's basically English at this point. These aren't dialects, those are separate. Picture like, Europe, but more, in terms of how many languages.

Everyone hates each other which is valid for the entire planet honestly.

In south india we have a lot of coconuts. Like a lot. There are so many coconuts you have no fucking idea guys you cannot escape the coconuts. I was nearly killed by a shower of coconuts when I was 5 I escaped by one second.

There are also cows. People will tell you that you are being racist when you say India has cows everywhere. But it's true. Two weeks ago I had the pleasure to be stuck in a traffic jam. Next to the street barrier thing (what divides a street im too drunk for this) I saw a huge bull fucking HUMPING a cow. The vehicles just had to move around them. They were having sex right there.

If you're a middle class Indian kid, your career options are: doctor, engineer, scientist, CA, lawyer, government official or family disappointment.

Needless to say, I was going to be doctor and am now instead family disappointment. I'm babygirling so hard it's insane. The prodigal son.

It's very ace-friendly and heterophobic in the sense that you are not supposed to be exhibiting any sexuality whatever in a respectable household. Just shut up and give virgin birth already. But be married. That's crucial.

Oh yeah gay marriage isn't legal trans people are constantly othered by society and/or given no respect whatsover and we're just all vibing here this is totally not why I'm finishing a small bottle of cheap wine on a thursday past midnight alone in my room.

Foreigners are like a zoo species you see them you're instantly concerned like what are they doing outside the TV screens and then either people are normal (rarely), they run up and take photos or try to slip into conversation (more often than you'd think, even I've been guilty of the conversation thing as a kid) OR they start talking about how 'this western culture is ruining our culture'. Which is fair but honestly both the 'cultures' these people are talking about usually involve incredible amounts of bigotry and are more similar than they think.

I think the lesson here is that humans just suck as a species. Except for you maggots. I love you all and I will defend you with my life.

THE CHAAT. THE CHAAT IS INSANELY AMAZING. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE CHAAT. I HAVE NO SPICE TOLERANCE SO I HAVE TO BEG ON MY KNEES FOR THE SPICES TO BE REDUCED BUT STILL. THE CHAAT. THE CHAAT, YOU GUYS. YOU NEED IT.

Sorry yes I'm normal. ALSO THE STREET DOGS. THE INDIES. THEY'RE SO LOVELY AND SWEET AND CHAOTIC AND I KEEP TALKING TO THEM. Once when I was crying I made the dog distress while and like five dogs that I didn't know came running to me and comforted me and licked me.

INDIAN DANCE MUSIC. I FUCKING LOVE IT IT'S INSANE. My family were elitist as fuck so I never got to listen to Bollywood music as a kid but it's AMAZING I'm so glad it exists. Bhangra too.

Beaches very very pretty hills very very pretty honestly the nature is fucking beautiful if you can just quickly pretend humans don't exist, which again is true of this entire planet. Yeah. Okay I'm so fucking drunk.

Yeah lots of diversity which is very nice when the humans aren't screaming at each other about it but the rest of the time it's very nice

The garbage and sewer stories? yeah they're all true im sorry

Traffic rules more like traffic suggestions amirite

Well, we still have far better healthcare access than america. so. there is that.

If you speak English well you'll be mocked and isolated. If you speak English poorly you'll be mocked and isolated. Honestly, just be rich. That'll fix it all.

All the conservatives hate each other and don't realise they're the exact same but in like different flavours.

Oh yeah we have auto rickshaws. Look them up. They're so much better than cars I don't get motion sick as easily in them. But the drivers all hate you and never want to take you anywhere.

Eyyyyyyyyyy it's so fucking fun here *drinsk more alcohol* I am so fucking not looking forward to college.

Please someone crowdfund me out of here let's all go chill in Alpha Centauri I've heard it's nice this time of the year.

I will, however, miss the casual live cow pornos. A true highlight.

[I got this peer-reviewed by my friend in India's top law school, just in case, because I'm too drunk and generally dumb. They say I will not be killed. And they've been on Twitter so.]

Irrefutable legal proof y'all. I don't mean to offend anyone except bigots. Fuck you, bigots, if you're not offended then I've disappointed my community.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 18

outed anon, genderqueer anon (new), hijab anon (new), panromantic anon, intrusive thoughts anon

Outed Anon

Hello Cas this is outed anon (again lol i keep comming back)

This isn't really a vent post im just frustrated about smth and need to let it out lol

So in my country you cant have a private chat with a teacher. This law is ok but it also doesnt allow contact through librus (an official side with grades and shit i have no idea if yall have it in america im sorry) if its not on the weekdays.

Now im in the drama club and this is my first year attending so im one for younger people there ("first time in drama club, kinda nervous"). Unfortunatelly everyone is pretty lazy and im one of the people that do things when nobody wants to do so. Its annoying af but im living.

Now there is an art festival and the teacher who is in the club wanted to participate. She asked who could sign us in and do the 'paper work' (answer emails, calls, write them and keep an eye on deadlines). The crowd was silent so i said i could do it. Turned out people offered NO HELP. When i asked things i needed from them to sign us in (their full name and age) i was left on READ and they only answered when the teaher asked them to. Im on my last fay of the winter break and i just got an email from the festival that we unfortunatelly didn't got in because we didn't choose a date they will watch us play. I ASKED THE GRUP CHAT TO CHOOSE DATES. no answer. They had the CONTACT WITH THE TEACHER (her phone number i think) and they had no problems in asking her to choose. In act of desperation i wrote her an email on librus asking to please choose the date because noone is helping and im not going to choose a date because they will be like "oh but i cant why did you chose this" "but i have a doctor i cant goo". Now I have to go there, say we didn't got in, listen to them whine how they wpuld do it better (no one wanted to do it) and that now we need to way a year to participate again. I cant i have one of the lead roles and im thinking about droping this shit because im reciving no help, its my first year in thi fucking school, im not that liked in class, i have to deal with people older th3n me WHINE into my ear how they dont think im doing the right thing. I Just CANT.

Thankfully my friend who is also in the drama club said she will take over my role if anything goes the wrong way (thank gods for her kind soul) so i dont have to worry about the hole in the cast left after i leave.

I also got a shitty role so i aint doing that

Yeah thats all as i said its not really a vent im just angry lol

Hi <3

Honestly it sounds like this is the fault of the other students in the club- not you or the teacher. And now they get the consequence- nobody gets to go to the festival. I'm so sorry nobody was supportive, but if people give you shit, I'd just nicely be like "yeah, I wish more people replied to my messages" and leave it at that. You have a right to be angry, imo.

_________________

Genderqueer anon

Hi cassss!!!

I’ve been wondering about this for a while now. Am I transphobic?

For context, I'm genderqueer. That's because I always had weird feelings about gender but not enough to be a trans man. I like people seeing me as masc and being confused about my gender, and genderqueer seemed appropriate.

I like girls. And everyone under the Enby umbrella. But I don't like dicks. Not at all.

I think trans women are women and trans men are men. I use people’s preferred pronouns (I mean we don't have gendered pronouns in my language, but I do it online). I don't like guys (not anyone who isn't fictional anyway) and I like trans girls CUZ THEY ARE FUCKING GIRLS. I believe that trans women (and enbies alike) deserve to be in sapphic and lesbian spaces and communities

But I wouldn't want to have sex with an amab trans individual who didn't have bottom surgery. Because I don't like dicks. Not specifically penetrative sex, just anything to do with a penis.

And there is a chance that I can be aegosexual anyway. In that case, it might not even matter. I’ll figure that out much later.

The last thing I want to be is a transphobe. My internal homophobia went away on its own, but I had to dismantle both my internal and external transphobia manually, and I really fucking hate transphobes.

I know most trans people don't care about what an individual thinks, and there aren't trans folks flooding the gates to be in a relationship with me, but I feel guilty about my exclusionism

Nope, this is not transphobic! If you said you didn't want to be with a trans woman because you think they're not a woman, then that would be transphobic. But not liking dicks is just a preference, and that's completely fine. You're allowed to like what you like and dislike what you dislike!

_________________________

Hijab Anon

Hi!

I’m not sure if you would be able to give me advice but I’m gonna ask anyway bcs maybe you could lol

So I’m in Highschool and I live with my parents.

My parents are super religious Muslims and I’m also Muslim I was raised Muslim and I also wear the hijab and my problem is that I’m also bisexual and I’ve come to terms with that and I’m happy with my label but my parents are very homophobic at some point a few years ago they found out I’m bi and completely pulled me out of school and made me cut off all contact with my old friends and I was so scared and lost for a long time. We’re in a better place now with them thinking I’ve “healed” and I’m straight now.

And I just don’t know what to do I love my parents so much and I don’t want to cut off contact when I get to university bcs that means I won’t only lose them I’ll lose my siblings too (who also share my parents beliefs) and my parents are meant to pay for my university when I get there and I’m scared to risk that too.

I also don’t have any friends to talk to about this due to being put into a Islamic school after everything that went down before and I can’t risk coming out to my friends and seeing if they would support me.

I really don’t know what to do and sometimes that feels really scary

-🧕

Hi! First of all, if the anon name is offensive, lmk. I was just trying to pick something so you knew it was you!

I can definitely understand why this feels scary. It must feel really alienating and lonely.

I think my best advice is to focus on what's best for YOU. Not your parents or your siblings or anyone else. What will make you happiest and safest?

It might be that for now, you stay quiet and wait until you go to school. Let you parents pay and wait it out. I know you're nervous that you'll be the only one there who's queer, but I promise that you won't be. The good and bad thing is, you're not the only one who's forced to stay quiet about this. You can start to quietly build a support system and slowly find your own way when you feel ready.

Or maybe you feel like you need to do something now. In that case, you need to look up options for people your age who are on their own.

Or maybe for you, it's worth it to stay quiet for a long time, because you want the peace and safety your family can bring you. That's okay, too!

Whatever you prefer is understandable and it's a very personal decision. My advice is to try to build a support system (carefully) no matter what, and if you DO decide to make a move, have a plan first.

Sending love <3

__________________________

Pan romantic anon

Pan romantic anon here, had lunch together on valentine's day (it was cookies and cake and coffee) she bought my cake, I made her heart shaped cookies. We talked and hung out as always. The day after that we meet up with the rest of the group, talked and had dinner together in one of my other friend's house. We talked about classic things, talked about love life, acedemics etc. how she was happy being single, how she would prefer staying that way in our exam year. I mean, me too, because it's distracting to have a boyfriend. But like. It hurts a little you know? Just a little. I proitize my career too, I would rather to study rather than dates too. But I still wish we could do study dates, we could cuddle at night, we could kiss and all, don't have to give too much time, just being together. Hell, I don't even ask for dating at this point, I just wish I could somehow get her like me. That's it. I just want that, really. But oh, how I hate it when all the girls describe their perfect guy and I know a girl or anything else doesn't even cross her mind, not because she is straight, but because we live in this hell where it's expected. And I, I feel like dying. Oh how I wish she liked me. Oh how I wish when the day ended and she kissed my cheek, when she said 'i enjoyed today!' it meant romantic.

Not even that, you know? Even if it's plotonic I would want to be close to her. She color codes the things she loves. In her calendar, some of her friends are pink, the best friends of her, the ones she loves, actually loves, the ones she knows for years, the ones she is planning to live with, plotonically but still her first choice.

And I am purple, and I know I am not close to her that much. But I feel so bad. I wish she could chose me like I would. Not even romantic, just want to be in top 5. It sucks to see your number one puts you in number 10 or more maybe.

And like, I know it's not fair. I know she doesn't have to. But she lays on me (literally, on our desk, lays back on me, on my chest while I am holding her, how am I supposed to breath in this situation, I have anxiety god.) she kiss my cheek and I know it's plotonic especially considering where we live but like, I think I am gonna die.

Hi <3

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I still think there's a chance she feels something deeper for you than she's letting on, but I also know that I don't know your culture or friendship, so I don't want to over-hype you up, either. I know it's heartbreaking to feel something for someone who probably doesn't feel the same way back, and not much I say is going to help with that, but I want to remind you that it's not you. There's a lot of factors here, and it sounds like she really does care about you as a friend.

I'm sending you love <3

__________________

Intrusive thoughts anon

hi, its intrusive thoughts anon.

firstly, how have you been? how was your valentine's, did you do anything fun? (i didnt even know it was valentine's day until like hlfway thru the day lmao)

its nothing for me this time, just. my friends goung through shit rn, and literally nobody in her family sees it. even her sister (whos my bsf) insists thst shes perfectly fine. but i know that she isnt because shes let it slip a few times, and i try to help her as much as i can but the issue is that i see so much of my young self in her that i want to stop her from continuing down the oath which led me here but at the same time i have no way to confort her?

she says that she knows she has to stidy but its like her brain is broken and she cant do anythinf, despite knowng that she should. my bsf and her entire family insistently shit on her for being on her phone and reading all day, but i think they forget that she uses it merely as a way to cope.

i dont know how to help, cant tell any authorisesd figure or her parnts or anything cz we simply do not live in that kind of society. i can offer nyself to help but idk how to do that eithef?

so this is me asking for your expertise, please help me help my friend. im so worried about her that i think about it day in and out.

tysm, cas.

Hi!

My Valentine's Day was good! I went to an Escape Room :D

Honestly, I think you should tell her exactly what you told me. That you see yourself in her, and you're here for her. Know that she might not take you up on your help, but don't stop reminding her you're here. Do things you would have wanted someone to do, you know? And just...be there. I know it doesn't feel like a lot but it can mean SO much to someone.

Sending you love! <3

[hard--headed--woman]

you radfems just LOVE making enemies, don't you? "why gay men don't support lesbians? like, whe have always supported gay men" FUCK OFF, you don't support trans women, you don't support women who use makeup and like to be housewives.

fuck your victim complex, you love to be violent and "angry" all the time. it's because of you that people think feminism is bullshit.

gay men make fun of lesbians? then they're assholes, but you dumbasses saying "yeah, fuck gay men, all of them are assholes and don't support us uwu" sound pathetic as well. fuck your bullshit🖕and trans women ARE women

I love how you're saying we love to be angry and violent while you've just wasted some time of your pathetic life to send anon hate to someone you don't even know. Sounds like projection to me, lmao. Trans women are men and there is nothing you can do about it besides crying like the weak crybaby you are and getting mad at women who are braver than you and dare to say it. By the way, try to find some class about reading comprehension near where you live, because if you sincerely think criticize something (like makeup or the housewive lifestyle) means hating on the women who do this thing and not supporting them. And I absolutely never said "fuck gay men, all of them are assholes", lol. How ridiculous can you get ? Are you at your best or can it get worse ? You seem to be a wonderful specimen of stupidity so I bet it ca. And, oh, let me tell you something, if that's not too complicated for your little brain - people think feminism is bullshit because they are misogynistic assholes, just like you are, not because of us. Politics aren't your thing, right ? It shows. Stop trying to talk about it with adults, my dear. Now you should go the only thing you're probably good at (besides crying), aka fucking yourself. You should be honored I even took the time to reply to your bullshit.

[fictionkinfessions]

Canon pronouns, spn edition

Sam; They/she/he. I disliked she greatly for a very long time because I didn't want people to think I was female. It grew on me again though in time, personal growth and noning my binary and such. Most commonly though, I used they/them. He/him was the standard pronoun for people who didn't have the mind to ask for my pronouns and she/her was usually a family thing. So it's very weird to watch source and constantly hear he/him, cause Dean would've never used he/him on me in a million years. Nowadays I've also trying out neopronouns, still a work in progress.

Dean; he/him. very uninteresting, I know. Sammy can write a whole book about their pronouns but all I got to say is use she/her on me and I will smite you with my trans boy swag. Yeah, I've been learning from the sys teens. I have trans boy swag now. He/him back then and he/him now.

And answering for our Cas because he wants to but can't, we didn't use any pronouns at all for Cas. The show using he/him from the start for them is confusing as fuck. Using he/they for Cas only came very, very late. By now he also warmed up to xe/xem. The concept of pronouns confused them and never felt right to him for a long time.

- #🎞️, supernatural fictives of Sam, Dean and Castiel

4

[shallowseeker]

when dean thinks he’s alone, he definitely dances to (embarrassing) songs in the kitchen

///

there are exactly twelve times he gets caught.

1. the first time, it’s sam. dean knows it’s sam because sam doubles over in over-the-top laughter right away.

for weeks after that, sam starts singing, “too high, can’t come do—own,” in a britney-toned falsetto.

the dick.

2. the second time isn’t so bad. dean’s doing a lil sock-footed shimmy to aretha franklin’s r-e-s-p-e-c-t, and he catches a face-full of kevin tran’s spit-take.

pepsi. yuck.

coulda been worse for sure.

3. the third time’s pretty bad. he really should know better by now.

dean’s in his dead-guy robe, and one of those crackley old recordings of irving berlin’s dancing cheek to cheek comes on over the tinny radio he’s got propped up in the bunker kitchen. (grammy hall of fame 2000 version.) dean imagines frank sinatra and ginger rogers, and he starts to sway, liking how his robe billows around when he spins. it’s a little bit like fighting, except…

…the big band sound’s got him feeling a little giddy.

he spins a little faster and mouths along to the lyrics, “And the cares that hung around me through the week, Seem to vanish like a gamblers lucky streak, When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek.”

dean picks up the still-cold cast iron skillet (he plans to make an omelet in a little while) and smooshes his hot, hot cheek against its cold surface.

the music swells.

Dance with me , I want my arm about you , That charm about you, Will carry me through to Heaven

and suddenly, cas is there. his face is pinched as he watches and—shit that’s actually cas. in the doorway. not some weirdo daydream.

the skillet lands on dean’s foot with a painful thud, and dean slams his hand down on the radio and fumbles till the volume cuts completely.

“dammit cas! don’t sneak up on a guy like that!”

(cas is still a new and relatively uncommon presence in the bunker, after all.)

“i wasn’t…sneaking. Dean, your foot.”

dean ignores the skillet on the ground and puts a hand on his hip, affecting hopefully something blasé and uncaring. “hm? oh. my foot’s good, dude.”

cas raises a brow, then pointedly tracks his eyes to the table across the room.

just peachy.

now cas wants to heal him. this just gets better and better. dean takes a limping step.

ow. nope.

yeah, if he limps his way over there, it’ll be obvious how much his damn toes hurt.

next, cas looks pointedly at the taller, bar height table—the one closer to the stove, and to dean. dean mutters an annoyed, “okay, okay,” before making a great show of rolling his eyes and hoisting himself up.

“it’s not that bad, cas.” he swings his feet childishly for emphasis.

cas kneels. and slides off dean’s soft house-shoe. his fingerpads wrap around dean’s ankle as he leans forward to inspect.

yeah, the toes are swollen as fuck. three of them are purple and there’s black blood underneath the second toenail. (that pressure is probably what hurts. were he alone, dean would probably drill a hole in it or yank the nail, just to release the pressure.)

as it is, dean’s already relaxing before cas even fixes it, probably a pavlovian response to cas healing him so many times.

then hot, hot grace flows in, and the pain ebbs away. cas’s fingers drift down towards dean’s toes, like he’s checking them one last time.

for some damn reason, dean wriggles his toes as cas’s fingers sweep by. then, like dean’s toes have some kind of angel banishing sigil carved on them, cas is up and headed for the library, muttering something about helping sam.

it’s probably dean’s imagination, but he thinks he hears cas humming the sinatra song, a whole week later.

dean thinks about how the skillet felt against his cheek.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 171

Torn and Frayed

“Torn and Frayed”

Plot Description: Naomi tells Castiel that Crowleu is holding an angel captive, and Castiel must rescue him before Crowley’s torture reveals their secrets

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: Nope. Probably not. Because I’m not a near-immortal being

Sam…yeah, Dean has kept the truth about how he’s feeling about things from you plenty of times in a misguided attempt to protect you, but he’s been unflinchingly honest way more than you ever have been. He tells this one lie and all of a sudden you’ve never lied???

I’m so…mad at how Sam’s handling this. You and Dean had such DIFFERENT years apart

At least Cas is now self aware that he’s not good at talking to people and needs Dean’s help with that

Hiding your porn from your angel crush…sure, Dean

Poor Samandriel. He’s really going through it

Girl, did you just cheat on your husband with Sam??

Honestly, for an ultimatum, it’s EXTREMELY fair. He can’t just flit in and out of her life

CAS!! There’s honest and there’s just blatantly telling Kevin he looks horrible

I mean, if you have an angel on hand to play errand boy for your demon bomb ingredients, why not use him?

I love that Kevin just kind of finds Dean annoying and puts on noise canceling headphones, and GOOD THAT HE DOES. Look, Dean’s not wrong. Mrs Tran is hot, but you don’t have to say that to Kevin to see if he can hear you!!

BENNY??? Oh no. He’s struggling to keep clean…or cleanish

Oh Kevin. “I can’t enjoy a world I need to save.” You poor thing. This should not be on your shoulders, and I’m so sorry it is

YOU KNOOOOOOW. He’s right though. And I have MISSED Castiel not caring super hard about what the Winchesters WANT and focusing on what NEEDS to get done

Love how “destroy the angel warding sigils” translates to “spray paint an X over them” somehow and it WORKS

Ok but maybe you SHOULD be listening to your head torturer

CASTIEL WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. WHY AFE YOU COWERING NOW. YEAH I KNEW NAOMI FUCKING SUCKED

Oh shit. That’s no good. The demons now know there’s an Angel tablet

Oh…oh Castiel. I’m so mad on your behalf

God…the Dean/Benny breakup should not have affected me that much

Omgggggg Amelia went, and Sam wasn’t there. Like, of course he wasn’t but damn that sucks for her.

I could never be a wincest shipper but watching Dean break up with Benny and Sam not go to Amelia at the exact same time in order to work together again, I can understand how they get there

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 09x10 Road Trip

“I was probably right to be skeptical that he’s not dead, but I think they’re trying to tell us that Kevin Tran is dead” “If you stand any closer, you’ll fkn burn yourself” “They just did that to light up his face and ear” “is the ear part of the face?” “crust” “What did Dean like about Kevin Tran so much?” Dean feels responsible

“I got that” Dean isn’t emoting healthily

“I think he realized that only after he destroyed $10K of lamps” “what the fuck? That was so weird” “maybe should have called security” “what’s the bottle next to the gun? Oh it’s table salt!” “It’s salt” “the pretty gun is purty expensive” “where was Cas at that time?” Cas was freshly human

“The lighting is fkn delicious” “well let’s start with torture and needles and other creepy shit” “or we can go to Crowley. That makes more sense” “I’m right up there with Crowley’s ask” “wouldn’t that imply that Plan B is better? I know he’s trying to convey his plan is better” “Way to show all your cards man” “inexplicably” “Does he not know he needs to put gas in it?” “oh it’s the pimp mobile�� laughter

“He fkn said it” “I said the same thing”

“Did he think the gas goes in the butt like Dean’s car?” “Why are they both in the back?” “Oh yeah bud” “Hell yeah” “who did he kill?” He was the only who let the snake in the garden “I already forgot” “Is this how all cults get started? Jesus fkn Christ” “yes muffins” “bloody muffins” laughter

“Well shit” “This was Plan A, for real?” “When was Dr. Sexy?” Idk. Like S4

“Phallus on wheels?” 

Laughter “what” “that’s such a canned thing” “he’s fkn killing people” “gotta kill an asshole” “oh never mind” “what?” “Is he not a wise man? Is he one of the 3 dwarves?” NO, he’s not a wiseman who visited Jesus LMAO

“If this guy stabs his friend, all angels are shit.” “Except for Cas I guess” “I shouldn’t generalize, but a lot of them are shitty” “I hate those light switches. Those half-cocked sideways things’

“That’s a lot of jello powder” “with the fist thing” “why would you ever tell your boss that?” “Sorry ma’am. Just playing both sides” “some fkn party” “ghouls and cheerleaders? I want that episode” “That would have been a good episode. They realize they’re in the angel dream. That would have been a better way to write that. Would have been so badass” “Is this just brain damage that the angels can fix?” “just gotta lobotomize him no worries” laughter

“Small talk” “you split up and didn’t work together so….” “he made some ass joke” “you damn sonuvabitch” laughter

“Dean wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for Gadreel so idk” “can’t or won’t?” “not even king of hell would do this without getting paid first” laughter “what the hell man. He’s so good with the words. It’s crazy” “just a weird thing” “it is a bad joke.” “can’t he just say the word again?” “I need a go word” “We don’t have a go word” We can come up with one “Isn’t it Gadreel’s dream that he invented?” “gulp” “That’ll leave him all in one piece no problem” “oh yes the Lincoln” “Is’nt that brand dead now?” “the goodest guy” “he planned that out” “that was good though” laughter

“They don’t have him miked up very well so it sounds funny. That’s what I’m laughing about” “they must not believe in lawyers and health care directives” laughter

“How many sons of bitches are there?” “the fkn lighting man is so good” “so fkn good” “like in some shows, it doesn’t feel intentional but this one feels like a paintbrush”

[grazhir]

Sims 4

Right. Live in services. Hired a live-in nanny (and yes, I use Better Nanny). They still act weird around newborns.

But, LittleMsSam just did an update for a handful of mods, which included Better Nanny and Live In Services, so my copies have been deleted and replaced (plus the usual batch file I wrote to remove the usual cache-type files was run).

Current girl (Haru) has a single son (currently an infant) with her husband (Tom Riddle, because why not, and he's a modified version of Morgan Ember's face, without the trans stuff, and with brown hair, orange eyes [orange because my default eye replacements replaced the unusual red with orange and it's way better looking], plus some settings done with CAS and WW to ensure he actually has a penis and can father babies).

Anyway, an infant son, Harley, who when I last left off, was covered in a dust cloud from having crawled downstairs and "played" with one of the counters. I can only hope that will have vanished when I load back up again. Or when he ages up to toddler. IDEK.

[I have since put up a fence around the lift shaft, and applied baby proofing, in the hopes that the ankle biter does not crawl downstairs again.]

So, I can do canning and all that, but the mod to allow for experimental means on ovens is not functioning (possibly because I put back BrazenLotus's food core changes, so I disabled the experimental cooking mod) and I still see ** DEFAULT ** in some of my lists (books, grocery items, etc.). I also can purchase meat substitute and get charged for it, but it never arrives in my inventory.

But I can make it via canning and it's just fine? Geez. So yeah, one of those is out on the counter in the event I need to Copypasto the hell out of it (because white and red meat spoil, just like milk and eggs).

[You know, kind of like how I keep certain RoM potions on top of the fireplace so I can Copypasto the hell out of them, such as Plentiful Needs.]

Also, my sims cannot complete cooking a grand meal. That one's new. Meh. Not that big a deal, and I edited all the holidays to remove the Grand Meal stuff. Not even sure if Grand Delicioso can magic in a roast chicken or turkey at this point. This is a minor issue.

The amusing thing about Tom Riddle is that he was employed as a babysitter when my girl invited him to live with her (prior to having a not-so-spontaneous proposal at the Romance Festival and subsequent civil ceremony in Tartosa). Yeah, sure, he managed one promotion, but fuck that. I switched him to the science track, mostly because I want a portal to Sixam, and I turned off the Follow thing.

[cadybear420]

Really wishing PB would add an "are you cis or trans" menu like ILW and BB:TS Demo have, plus options to choose your anatomy separately from bodytype which I think ILW also had . Like I don't think it's that hard? I feel like it would solve a lot of these problems. And not just for the GOC books either, btw. Most of the genderlocked books, including the pointfully GL'd ones, could be really interesting to play as a trans woman MC. Especially books like BP and KND, which literally have canon trans women Aisha and Saff in their girl squad groups.

They/them options and choosing pronouns separately from bodytype (which they consistently included in most of 2022's new GOC books but pretty much dropped for all of 2023's new GOC books, which is not giving me good vibes, thankfully we're getting them back in TDG) is a good start, but there's more that can be done.

And seriously I will never fucking shut up about the clothing stuff on God. Why do the fem bodytype versions of an outfit need to be all slinky and revealing while the masc bodytype versions are more basic? Granted they have been stepping up their risque game with some of the masc body outfits in books like DLS, Alpha, TCH 2, and ID 2. But Even in those books and other books like Unbridled they often fall into what's basically the Female Video Game Armor trope but with a different coat of paint.

And people will complain about others wanting more GOC stories because "the video game industry has been catering to men for years, this is one of the few video games with female locked playable characters". Putting aside all the other problematic implications with that statement (if you can)... is this the game you wanna defend as that? Really? I will never not emphasize this. "One of the few games catered to women", yet the game in question hardly gives a damn about sapphic, aroacespec, trans, and GNC women. But sure, give them brownie points for doing the bare fucking minimum I guess.

Why do like, 90% of the GOC LIs in the past 2 years put the female versions in midriff crop tops while the male ones are not? And I really do mean this estimated statistic. Devon from TPS, Gabe and Cas from ID, Jordan from GG, Drew from RWB, Blake from FCL, Kaine from KND, formal outfit for Charlie from DLS, Channing from Alpha, Ash from Guarded...

If this TFS Chris Romantic Getaway side story doesn't completely expose their mindset with outfits and gender, then IDK what does lol (seriously, fuck this whole scene).

Anyways, continuing on. I'm a GNC cis woman, and every time the narration has to talk about how an outfit shows off "the curves of your waist" or when a LI has to give attention to my character's breasts (or ass, but I see it with breasts more commonly), it takes me right out of the story. It's part of why I prefer to play the smutty stories with a male/masc MC, but even then they have to make it all about his muscles instead. Because the only way for women to be attractive is to have "le sexy feminine curves" and the only way for men to be attractive is to have "le big strong muscles" apparently.

I'd like to see them change things up a bit. Like a female or fem bodytype MC get attention for stuff like shoulders, arms, hands. A male or masc bodytype MC getting attention for stuff like hips, ass, legs. Or, since the bodytype options are limited, at least allow us to imagine MC's bodtype a bit differently from how the sprite looks and give us bodytype neutral writing.

Also, for the love of god, different bodytypes for LIs too. I understand not doing it for MCs because it means different versions of an outfit for all the bodytypes, but LIs generally will always have fixed bodytypes so you could at least vary that up a bit.

Okay I'm maybe getting a bit off topic here IDK, but I'll finish it off by saying that... yeah, we aren't just complaining for no reason. We're complaining because we know PB can do better. People have said that of these kinds of apps, Choices is the best one for queer players, because most of the other VN apps similar to Choices don't even have GOC options or female LI options very often if at all. We have higher expectations for PB because we know they can do better.

If a bunch of passionate independent fancreators can incorporate stuff like cis/trans options in a non-profit VN fangame, what excuse does a professional company have?

i haven't yet gotten to book 2 but i read the wiki just in case and then i got to this part... WHAT. like literally what. i'm guessing what's happening here is one of two options

what they actually mean is "the third option depends on your character's pronouns, unless they use they/them pronouns, in that case it depends on their body type" but they didn't actually word it like that because it'd seem transphobic as fuck

they really do mean it depends strictly on mc's body type, not pronouns at all, meaning an mc that looks fem according to body type but uses he/him pronouns will still be called "queen" by the game and viceversa

long ass rant incoming lol

and it's not even specifically this fuck up in a supposedly "inclusive" book that makes me so mad but the fact that there's also the one MAH scene, the scene that discusses queer identities openly and maturely in a book that's supposed to be one of the most inclusive and queer friendly in the entire app, that when it's mc's turn to speak on what they've experienced, if they have a body type that doesn't match their pronouns and have romanced a li with the opposite pronouns (ie feminine body type, he/him pronouns and romanced stevie, or masculine body type, she/her pronouns and romanced a male li) the game treats mc like a cishet person by default and completely ignores body type. i don't know about y'all but i certainly find it ironic that, again, in one of the most queer friendly books, the only option to be considered queer "by default" by the game (and thus get the question of what you've experienced) if you're playing as a trans mc is to date someone of the same gender.

but let's go back to crimes of passion for a moment, eh? specifically the very first chapter. despite the dialogue here depending only on body type instead of pronouns, in the case of the first chapter (specifically the scene where trystan and mc first meet) it's a completely different situation, here it does depend strictly on pronouns even if it literally doesn't make sense. in my first ever play, i played as my usual mc, a nb!mc romancing m!trystan, and me being nb, trystan called me "a stranger". not particularly unusual, right? after all, "stranger" is gender neutral, and so i thought that was the dialogue in all cases. well... it's not. i decided to play differently, specifically with the masc body type, she/her pronouns, and f!trystan. she literally called me a "strange woman" despite not being able to guess that mc's pronouns are she/her just by looking at her, because obviously there's only two body types, fem and masc, and it's not like we ever get gnc clothing styles. that, and in all cases mc never tells trystan their pronouns, so even in the nb!mc play i got quite startled at "they're a private detective". yes, that can be interpreted as trystan simply not wanting to assume genders or it being a case of culture shock from drakovia, but then what about my masc f!mc?

and that's because pb never intended to add inclusivity in terms of binary trans mcs, or even just queer mcs beyond "gay, lesbian, bi, or non-binary BUT if they're nb they have to be either fem or masc" (see: option to pick specific sexuality for mc only appearing in the elementalists and then never again, except in the royal masquerade but they removed the option to be ace so that doesn't count for me). they never intended for players to play as a masculine looking mc that uses she/her or a feminine looking mc that uses he/him.

if they really cared about inclusivity, they would let mcs be androgynous. they would add skirts, dresses, stereotypically "fem" clothing - or just clothing that isn't just a plain t shirt or a suit in formal situations for amab or masc looking mcs. they would add more pants, baggy clothing, more stereotypically "masc" clothing - or just options that aren't always incredibly revealing slinky dresses or crop tops and short skirts meant to "emphasize your sexy feminine curves" for afab or fem looking mcs. THEY WOULD ADD NON BINARY LIS AND MORE TRANS LIS. they wouldn't have the only option to play as an explicitly trans mc (or, well, the closest thing to "explicitly trans" there can be given there's absolutely no dialogue or even implication about mc being trans in any pronoun of choice book, save for MAH but i already complained about my problems) be playing with an extremely feminine/masculine body type and having the pronouns as the only indication mc is trans, completely ignoring the dysphoria that'd give many actually trans players.

no, that's not their intention and it's never been that. their sole reason for adding the "body type separate from pronouns" is to categorize mcs that use they/them and tell them they have to be either feminine or masculine, no androgynous or gender non conforming options at all. basically the question "but are you a GIRL non binary or a BOY non binary?" they would've probably forced she/her or he/him mcs into their respective body types and only ask "but are you a pretty feminine afab enby or a handsome masculine amab enby" to they/them mcs but they knew they'd get the backlash of their lives for that so they just went "we'll just ask for body type regardless, it's not like players will actually pick he/him pronouns while playing as a WOMAN right???"

conclusion/tldr. if pb actually wanted inclusivity, they can actually put in the work and acknowledge that people do want to play as an explicitly queer mc beyond just same gender relationships and performatively adding they/them pronouns to only SOME goc books, or else just don't do anything and show they don't care at all. not pretend they care but only add the bare minimum and pat themselves on the back for it.

[howldean]

sorry, i don’t know the phrase for “they told us to bug misha by text and i won a castiel photo op out of that” in english. would you like me to try exploding from love instead.

[deancasbigbang]

Title: And you're the sky

Author: Desirae

Artist: Caduceuzs

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Dean/Cas, background Gabriel/others

Length: 28000

Warnings: n/a

Tags: Pilot Cas/Chef Dean, mutual pining, roommates, insecure Dean, Castiel has endverse vibes, romcom, jealousy, recreational drug use, boys in love, happy ending

Posting Date: October 5, 2022

Summary:  Pilot, Castiel Novak left home, and the family business, more than a decade ago, after a falling out with his late father. But now, a desperate call for help from his brother has him returning home. Gabriel has been grounded from flying due to hypertension and needs Castiel to fill in for him until he is cleared to fly again. Refusing to stay in the family home, Castiel is invited to use Gabriel’s best friend’s spare room; only when he arrives, Castiel is shocked to discover that his new roommate is a former one-night stand; one that he had thought of many times over the years. Dean Winchester, a man with his own demons, and didn’t let them define his life.   Falling into a routine— talks with Dean over morning coffee, reconnecting with his brother, and flying the route he’s known like the back of his hand since he was a kid— is easier for Castiel than he ever imagined. It was everything he always wanted.   Dean was everything he ever wanted. All Castiel needed to do was stay.

Excerpt: “Alright, Gabe, pull up a stool and tell me why you've been acting like a toddler with a sugar rush?” “These stools are bolted in-”  “Shut up and sit down. What's going on with you?” Dean studied his friend, even more concerned now when his usually bright golden-brown eyes looked downright miserable. Gabriel sighed, and it was a defeated sound. “I've been grounded.” Dean’s brows rose. That wasn't what he was expecting. " Until I can get my blood pressure under control, I can't fly,” Gabriel continued, grabbing a napkin from the dispenser and shredding it agitatedly.  “And I know I have Kevin, but he's a junior pilot; he can't fly all the hours. His mother would kill me.” Gabriel had that right. Linda Tran was a force to be reckoned with and was already pretty upset that Kevin had given up going into politics to become a pilot.  “I’ll have to put out an ad, and who knows how long that could take. If I don’t get another pilot soon, I could go under." Dean chewed on his cheek, debating about whether or not to say something, then figured why not. The worst Gabriel could do was shoot down his idea. “What about your brother? He's a pilot, too, isn't he?” It was a testament to how off Gabriel was that he didn’t end the conversation right then. “Things are complicated for my brother. I don’t know if he would even return my calls.” “Do you not speak at all?” “Cassie, he… he was my best friend. Dad fucked him over pretty bad. I’m not going to get into why; it’s not my story to tell, but when he left, he said he’d never come back. Not as long as Dad was still on the island.” Dean regarded his friend,” Well, he isn’t here now,” he said gently. “And if you and your brother were as close as you say, maybe he’ll be grateful for the chance to come back and help you out.” Gabriel looked doubtful but gave a half-hearted shrug.  “I’ll think about it.” “You will?” Dean asked, brow raised, and Gabriel sighed again. “Yeah. If I can’t find someone by the end of the month, I’ll call Castiel.”  

DCBB 2022 Posting Schedule

[autisticandroids]

my fics

this post has gotten out of hand, so i'm putting most of it under a cut. also, since this is my pinned, i'll link some other stuff:

[my fic rec post] [my amv rec post] [my amv tag]

alright. my spn fics. listed in increasing order of wordcount.

enjoying it, .5k: A little piece of an AU I've discussed on Tumblr (linked in the note). Linda has recently sold her soul. Meg has recently gotten hers back. They chat about it.

meg/linda tran. sure you could say that i'm mashing dolls together but you could also say that in my mind season nine is a beautiful land where the main characters of the show are cas, linda, meg, and kevin and making meg and linda kiss is just clearly the next step.

a family vignette, .5k: A couple of scenes from the bunker, starring the last men on earth.

man it must have been pretty bad in the bunker during 15x19 huh. like pretty awful. and miserable.

latch, .5k: A miracle happens. Dean feeds Cas.

hello destiel breastfeeding community.

voyeur, 1k: Dean watches his other self talk to Cas.

i feel like endverse fic is a right of passage, isn't it? this is one of only two three four i guess now five fics on this list which makes no mention of godstiel.

to act with intention, 1k: The family Winchester on the road back to the Bunker after Cas kills Billie, and more importantly, after Mary makes certain revelations about Cas' state. A rather unpleasant car ride for all concerned.

#mpregpocalypse, etc.

stability, 1k: Sam has noticed that Cas' feelings toward Dean may be more than purely platonic. He is concerned about the stability of his family.

a short little fic where i make the dynamics among tfw worse.

getting serious, 1k: A small vignette of family life in the bunker, and the difficulties therein. Dean pays no attention to Sam's escape attempt.

established destiel. sam and dean have a horrible little conversation.

no longer your brother, 1k: Michael and Lucifer pose a threat to His reign, though a small one. God pays them a visit.

OLD-ass godstiel fic from when i was like. sixteen. my interests have not changed at all.

cold storage, 1k: Crowley discovers something fascinating about Cas.

a little bit of lighthearted crowstiel fuckbuddies.

yeah, well, i don't want to, 1k: He didn't do it on purpose.

a little brothers-centric deanfic for the pilot. dean is very normal.

the follower, 1k: The world is being restructured. Dean can't stop it. He has a long conversation with someone instead.

an unpleasant and uncomfortable conversation between dean and godstiel. dean tries to make it sexual in order to make cas uncomfortable. it does not make cas uncomfortable.

squeeze, 1k: Soft, sweet Destiel sex. They're still getting used to each other. That's it.

destiel fluff. dean is so lovely when he's neurotic.

just gimme daddy's blunt instrument, 1k: Dean points a gun at Cas.

godstiel gunfellatio fic. they don't fuck in this but they do.

dog pit., 1k: Meg. And bodies. And guts.

meg fetishism.

damage control for a walking corpse, 1k: Meg escapes Crowley's dungeon, at least for a little while. She prays.

meg character study featuring faith, lucifer, masochism, and megstiel.

debug., 1k: Dean gets his crew to steal him an angel.

written for @au-roulette, an experimental cyberpunk au fic.

hunger, 1k: Endverse Cas talks about what it was like to have Dean inside him.

november fifth fic 2022. despite being technically an endverse fic, focuses on cas saving dean from hell.

eros and thanatos, 1k: Cas enjoys himself immensely, and then he doesn't. Dean can't find out.

my entry for @deancas-stabfest! casturbation feat. cas triggering himself and throwing up after.

soft and squishy, 2k: Dean shoots Cas. He processes that.

extra extra come get your hell trauma! come get your fluffy gore porn! written for @destielvalentinesexchange

the beautiful people, 2k: Dean and what it's like to be wanted.

dean has a pretty bad relationship with sex and sexuality doesn't he.

dean winchester really needs to make some gay friends, 2k: There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.

post canon fluff and humor, written and posted during the week of madness between 15x18 and 15x19. an exploration of a dean who is queer, but doesn't really understand how to be queer yet.

there is want., 2k: There is God. And there is a body. And there is want.

*sigh* more godstiel fic. this time with horrific and gratuitous gore. godstiel eats some copies of dean, to see if that will satisfy him. this one, the follower, and just gimme daddy's blunt instrument are a kind of triptych. they don't exist in the same continuity but they all follow the same themes: sex-without-sex between dean and godstiel, mixed with character and relationship exploration.

wink, 3k: Cassie deals with grieving her father, and has a little lesbian interlude.

my first piece for @spntoxicfemslashevent this year. hey have you guys heard about meg 1.0? have you heard about meg 1.0? what about cassie have you heard about cassie? have you heard about megcassie?

smorgasbord, 3k: An incident under the influence of Famine.

my bloody valentine fic (evil) (horny) (evil).

goldfish, 4k: Lisa Braeden opens the door for some strangers.

a study on cas in the aftermath of a slightly divergent moriah where jack did not die, through the lens of lisa braeden and her memory.

three card stud, 4k: A collection of script excerpts for a version of Season Six that goes a bit differently. Cas and Dean conspire. Lisa is oblivious, and they keep her that way. Dr. Freud always said nightmares were based on wishes, too.

finally! some deancaslisa infidelity. mindwipenatural (worse). live free or twi-hard (better). an experimental amv for a version of season six that doesn't exist.

i fold in half so easily, 5k: A study in learned helplessness, set in the Men of Letters Bunker. Cas clings hard to what he has, and doesn't think about what he doesn't.

this is my 15x18 anti-fix-it. my 15x18 make-it-worse. my magnum opus of the winchester family horror in late seasons, or at least cas' experience of it. established relationship destiel (derogatory). it's my favorite piece i've published in spn fandom, and maybe in any fandom. i put a lot into it and i hope you get a lot out of it.

circle, broken, 5k: A series of conversations and resolutions. Cas haunts the fringes of a new Heaven.

my piece for @spnangelbang! 5k of quiet cas angst and angel feelings, with a little bonus trueform stuff.

not him/not her/not me, 5k: Memory repeats itself: first as trauma, second as kink. Isn't that what Karl Marx said? Two pinned butterflies explore it together.

megstiel piece for @spnangelsanddemons-rb. what if you got brainwashed, huh? what if you were always getting brainwashed? what if your whole life was about getting brainwashed? brainwashed and remade?

he's gonna take my files, 6k: Dean goes to the Empty, where Cas is floating through his memories.

dean in the dean torture chamber. featuring guilt spirals, a deancaslisa threesome (arguably), stabbing, relitigation of the canon, and a cameo from the yellow-eyed demon.

so much smoke in a hall of mirrors, 6k: Humans kiss each other. Angels kill each other. Castiel distracts himself from the war he's losing.

doing angel politics, unconsensually watching dean rake leaves (and other things), working on his frustrations on the physical bodies available to him. it's season six and cas is having a terrible time. formerly known as the dean sex doll fic.

the real finale, 21k: Supernatural 15x19 and 15x20, as they should have been.

mainly the work of @beatsheetketch, but it is our shared brainchild. a lot softer and fluffier than either of our usual fair. our go at a finale rewrite.

[crimsonxe]

Alright let’s get some fucking shit correct here @ashelyskies

a) I didn’t say K/din’s case wasn’t problematic, you fucking jackass. I did say that K/din’s case was 8 (EIGHT) fucking years ago with more of a case of ignorant views vs. bigotry. Which my sentiment is backed up by her response to one of the parties where she herself states not holding present people to the guillotine for their past shit. Anyway setting that aside: That whole thing was apologized for by one of the parties involved in it before anything was mentioned to the public (so wasn’t for brownie points) w/ said apology being accepted by her with a statement about not going after people for their past (cause really want to make sure this part gets across); yet this was still brought up and said party was still thrown to the damn wolves regardless of them doing every damn thing right. Mostly because this part wasn’t part of the initial post and was only brought up in said reply to the other party.

Now this ignorance issue is something that can be applied to multiple people, especially with ones raised in certain areas and in a pre-LGBT+ mainstreaming era where someone doesn’t fucking know better. Someone 9 years prior uses a slur, then as they get older realize how bad it is and is horrified at using it in the past. Do I categorize that person as bigoted? No I don’t. Now take that person and have them in present continuing to use the term with full knowledge of its offensive nature? Yeah, that person is a bigot. Though this distinction eludes outrage culture types (usually of the far-left variety) that think the person deserves to be considered a bigot regardless of growth or change. You grew up in a place that was forward thinking and/or in more modern times? Good for your ass, not everyone fucking got that (this will be elaborated on further down).

b) The medical side of things: corps dodge any expense they fucking can and that has nothing to do with LGBT+ status. They’re just shitty and cheap. There’s nothing I’ve seen that goes towards it being at all tied to trans status. That’s not defending RT, its seeing them as what they are a corp; hell it doesn’t even paint them in a particularly good light cause still shitty.

c) Mi/ca presented a case where she walked in to see a white board with a slur on it, as if that was just a thing at RT and/or was meant for her to see it. The full context however: People were doing a damn South Park reference, the slur wasn’t fully there as per the reference, and it wasn’t meant to be seen by anyone but them. If anything it fits the idea of two 20-something idiot SP fans  latching onto distasteful SP “jokes”. Still shitty, but context puts more onus on SP that is being referenced and the parties being idiotic 20-somethings. NOT an intentional racist attack on Mi/ca and/or other PoC that’d come across it. It was also from years ago (a recurring theme), considering that episode of SP was from 2007 (yes I googled it) on top of that. It’s called being a dumbass 20-something fan that watched a show that leans on edgy distasteful “humor”. Not only does it only go towards what RT/AH was, “dudebro edgy humor”, but doesn’t reflect current RT/AH attitudes.

Now for anyone that follows me and wants anything to do with this person? Do whatever the fuck you want, I don’t care and I’m not your parent. I’m someone that grew up in a southern state that has experience with let’s say complicated/ nuanced views as a result of it. I used to watch South Park and know the mindset of a 20-something year old in regards to it. Also while I’ve never used certain slurs, I have in my ignorance used the G slur till I ran across information that corrected how to refer to Romani cause the G slur is the only word ever used in reference to them. I have used the r word and honestly still have to fight my own ingrained response towards it, when heated; because it was something that I grew up with and had to learn to not resort to. People are not fucking born perfect or even taught how to be perfect, there’s a growth period and an intent element. Which is exactly what my point is. I’m an LGBT+ center-leftist that grew up surrounded by the right wing ignorant people including friends and family. I’ve seen some evolve from as the times have as well as their ignorance being removed who deserve to be allowed to not be called fucking bigots for past bullshit. ftr that isn’t about RT either, that’s about irl; so yeah miss my fucking ass with the outrage culture bullshit that takes a “forever damaged/tainted”/”irredeemable” approach to the subject. Now in regards to RT: shitty things were said and perpetuated in the past by ignorant younger people of the time and corps are shitty penny-pinchers that care about expenses or hell with RT management’s impression just completely inept at remembering what they agreed to pay for. I won’t get swept into the outrage culture bullshit and have my own views on things.

Now I will say to definitely go fuck your damn self for trying to frame my post in the light that your fucking ass did. I guess if someone doesn’t line up perfectly in-step with your ass, then you have to try to smear them where you can. Unfortunately for you, I ran out of “giving a shit about others’ views of me” a long ass time ago; probably around the time I got tired of burying my LGBT+ status and started using my voice as I wished. In the past meant clashing against incels and right wingers; recently its meant clashing against far-leftists who both use similar ass tactics. I have disgust towards right-wingers and just anger towards the far-leftists that more times than not shoot the overall left’s causes in the foot.  “Go woke, go broke (right wing) = outrage culture (far-left).

[byronictrash]

so I was thinking about the whole hbo supernatural thing and all I could think was how it would fit in my major spn interpretation which is TRANSFEM SAM WINCHESTER!!!!

• changed her name to samantha for pure praticity

• is a lesbian, so all the romantic part is pretty similar to the canon, monsterfucking and all

• in which dean got a little confused about the distinction of gender ≠ sexuality at first like “wait but why did you become a girl if you like girls?” (he doesn’t know a lot of queer people, give him some time)

• AND SPEAKING OF DEAN! the biggest ally of all times. at first he doesn’t understand lots of stuff that seems obvious to sam (“why are you putting on a suit?” “dean we’re going to a small town, the case will be way harder if everyone is staring at me”), asks indiscrety questions (“can i ask you something?” “it depends” “you wanna chop your dick off?” “NO YOU CANT ASK IT”) but over time he starts to get it more naturally

• despite his numerous hook-ups, dean has never spent so much time in his life in a company of a woman so even the smallest things are extraterrestrial to him (“hey whats that bowl in the microwave?” “depilatory wax” “OH CMON SAMMY I WAS GOING TO HEAT UP MY DINNER THERE”)

• of course, there would be a scene where they met some hunter friend of john who says shit about sam, misgender her etc and dean goes FERAL, fist fighting with the guy and stuff. later sam yells at dean, saying she doesn't need dean to protect her and the argument would escalate to all the times that dean treated her in a condescending way, dean yelling back that dad said it was his job to take care of her and sam yelling even louder that dad would probably dead by now (in this moment all the lamps in their room (and in the street) simply explode, but they ignore. it was probably some short circuit…. right?)

• ok lets talk about john. still the same asshole, still gave a gun to kid who was afraid of the boogeyman, still tried to summon azazel when his son was in comma in 02X01 BUT now he also has a whole series of microaggressions with sam. she’s not stupid, she know the dad she has so doesn’t come out until she’s in stanford, SO john finds out sam is trans in 01X16 when john see sam after two years wearing a skirt and holding a .45 gun. he looks at her up and down and doesn’t say anything however, suddenly stops calling sam sam and starts calling her strictly samuel.

• it got worse after s1 season finale with the whole azazel possessed john > sam had the opportunity of killing azazel/her dad > couldn’t do it > azazel escaped > the winchesters get hit by a truck. when sam questions her father about being worried about the colt while his own son is dying, john explodes with her “you know samuel this is all your fault, once again you couldn’t just man up and pull the fucking trigger, kill the thing, you had to be same old sissy and chicken off, if your brother dies its his blood in your hands”

• aaaaaanyway, lets go back to our girl :D

• her style is kinda a mess. makeup done in a hurry, most of her clothes are mid skirts, hoodies and long dresses but now and then she spends a week wearing baggy jeans and band t-shirts, like dean’s, and no makeup at all. when he asks her “where is the whole angry teen outfit?” sam would simply respond its “because of the praticity, it’s tough to fight with a vampire in a dress lol” dean knows its because sometimes sam’s internalized transphobia ft repression gets loud

• her music taste is mostly grunge, punk and some alt bands she discover in stanford but dean call all of it emo “oh fuck off sammy, i let you drive once and you already put this emo shit” “dean this is literally nirvana, you cant call everything made after the 80’s emo”

• when she came out to bobby his reaction was literally “so now you’re a girl?” “uh… yeah” “gonna change your name or something?” “now is samantha but sam is still fine” “okay, now look this sigil... (and went back to the lore they were searching)”

• sam’s catholicism being more portrained on screen and how the dilemma of being a Christian and queer filled sam with religious guilty

• her paranormal powers also showed up sooner and since the beginning she knew something was wrong. her throat felt sore every time she recited the rituale romanus and holy water made her skin itchy. the older she got, the harder those “symptoms” became and with her denial, desire to be normal combined with religious guilt, it was easier to just convince herself that all this was just god punishing her for living in sin.

• surprisingly, all the demons and angels (and most of the monsters) even being assholes treats sam with the right pronouns

• which make sam and cas fist encounter even more interesting because cas literally turns to dean and go “is this your sister, samantha winchester?” “yeah” “ABOMINATION”’

• samruby second (cause the real first was ruby killing the seven deadly sins and stuff) encounter on the other side was a little more like "why are you following me?” “because youre tall and tall women are sexy as fuck” (then sam’s brain was short circuited for a sec because her height make usually makes her dysphoric)

• between s3-s4, dean still in hell, there would be a scene of one of the first times that sam drank blood to exorcise a demon with her mind. so here they are, demon tied in a chair and trapped in a trap, sam with blood all over her chin and ruby looking at her all heart eyes. Sam tries to do the exorcism but it doesnt work so ruby says sam needs more blood. Sam responds that shes nauseous and if takes any more shes gonna puke (cause you know voluntary vampirism came too natural in canon and that disturbs me) so the demon, who's wearing a cheerleader as a vessel, laughs and says "you know sammy, for real women blood tends to be a natural thing". ruby kills her on the spot.

• speaking of the catholicism (and the blood drinking) again, sam prays every single time before/after drinking demon blood, ruby mocks her for it but she doesnt care. its a weird feeling because even thinking that what shes doing is right, that she needs to get strong to kill lilith, it still feels bad, unholy in some sense.

• of course lucifer tempted her in s5 not only appearing as jess but also saying things like "why samantha, after all, are you willing to sacrifice yourself for a society that treats you like scum, that looks at you like a freak?"

• no need to say that in 05x04 "The End" episode when dean faces lucifer using sam as his vessel, she's wearing an outfit way cooler than that abbey-road-john-lennon-white-suit (to know what i mean search amanda seyfried 2018 met gala look THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!!!!)

• even after being clean of blood drinking, sam still has some of her paranormal powers. she can't do exorcises with her mind anymore but she can move small objects with telekinesis (she doesn't do it in front of dean cause she knows it would scares the fuck out of him)

i also had a list of some episodes rewritten in this au but this list is already long, guess i'll post later

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 328

Raising Hell

“Raising Hell”

Plot Description: the Winchesters get some much needed reinforcements as they try to ward off evil spirits from a small Kansas town. Chuck seeks out Amara in Reno

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: yeah, I’m too much of a rule follower, especially when they seem pretty reasonable and in my best interest, to have left the school where the boys have everyone in town hiding out in. You wouldn’t really catch me sneaking out at night

Sam, you used to lead a hunter army, and you’re having trouble getting the attention of some randos in a school gym??

Now that you mention it, it is wild that god let these souls out of hell and a demon is helping the Winchesters try to put them back. Thanks for the perspective, Jack the Ripper

Sam, y’all are running out of time for people to keep believing you. Cas is right

Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? The back up is Ketch? Didn’t we just say the BMoL was a weak point??

Are Ketch and Rowena flirting now??

The number of characters we’re bringing back this season makes me laugh so sardonically considering you could watch the first episode of season one and the series finale back to back and understand everything. Why are we bringing Amara back?

Chuck thinking Game if Thrones ended great tells you everything you need to know

I refuse to hand over my Castiel Aplogists Club membership card, but…babes, you cannot believe you made the right decisions, like…ever, right??

I know they’re being serious but I think it would be funny if Ketch and Rowena were asking Dean about the other just to fucking mess with him

Always nice to watch Ketch get tossed around like a rag doll

HANG THE FUCK ON. I thought…why is Kevin Tran not in heaven?? (But again with the bringing back characters that won’t get any mention in the finale)

I’m so annoyed by Chuck, and it looks like Amara is, too. Imagine the Darkness being the zen one here (or trying to be).

I’m still not believing that Belphegor is a regular ol clock punching demon. What’s his game?

Cockblocked by Dean, good. Their flirting was getting on my nerves, and now Ketch was knocked out by Jack the Ripper

Of COURSE Ketch is possessed now…almost got the soul catcher too, too bad Dean’s not afraid to actually shoot Ketch…for the ghosts. I was sad to see him live after that

Girl, you cannot be that sad, you barely knew him

I’m so mad Kevin can’t go to Heaven. It’s not fair. At least he’s not going back to hell though??

Ok but why was Amara telling Chuck that she’s basically trapping him in this universe while simultaneously staying as far away from him as she can so hot? Get your revenge!!

[adhdeancas]

12x01 Rewrite with Trans Dean

trigger warnings for minor mention of dysphoria. Also minor/negligent transphobia. 

“Mom?” His heart is stopped in his chest, staring at the face he’s kept in his head for all of his life, the face he’s thought of as the only real home he’s ever had. She looks the same, exactly the same. “I… uh, are you really… real?” 

He reaches out without thinking, needing to just make sure that Amara didn’t bring back a fantasy or a ghost or a sick joke. She proves it without him touching her, flipping him in a neat trick he recognizes from his own training and ending up with her foot on his neck, pressing him into the dirt. “Where am I? Who the hell are you?”

She looks so scared. Dean swallows, his Adam’s apple bouncing against the bottom of her foot. He needs to make her trust him, preferably before she does something rash like snap his neck. “I’m Dean Winchester. I’m your son. I’m… Sam’s brother”

The pressure lets up on Dean’s neck even though Mary’s shaking her head. “No. No, I don’t have two boys. They’re- they’re just kids.”

Dean winces, breathing heavily. This is gonna be a motherfucker for her to understand. Still, Mary lets him up, and he stands and rubs his neck, trying desperately to recall every bit of information he’s stored away about his mom. “Mom. Listen to me. Your name- your name is Mary Sandra Campbell, okay? You were born December 5, 1954, to Samuel and Deanna Campbell. Your father, he bounced around a lot for, uh, work, and you bounced right along with him, and you ended up in Lawrence, Kansas.”

Mary flinches, the facts hitting straight-on. “How do you know all that?” 

“Dad told me.” Dean tells her. He doesn’t tell her that he had to gather the story from slurred words, drunken tears in between stories about the perfect wife. That he recited them in his head like a prayer so he wouldn’t forget her. “March 23, 1972, you walked out of a movie theater - Slaughterhouse-Five. You loved it, and you bumped into a big Marine and you knocked him flat on his ass. You were embarrassed, and he laughed it off, said you could make it up to him with a cup of coffee. So, you went to, uh,” God, what was the name of that stupid place? “Mulroney’s, and you talked and he was cute and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song,” A memory of a smiling young alive Mary comes to mind, and he pushes it away because it hurts. She’s right there. “So when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him, even though you knew your dad would be pissed. That was the night that -” You fell in love with- “that you met -”

“John Winchester.”

“August 19, 1975, you were married… in Reno. Your idea.”Dean had always thought that was hilarious. He looks her in the eyes again, pleading with her to not dispute the next part. “A few years later, I came along, then Sammy.”

“No, no. My oldest was a girl, Deanna.” Mary looks Dean up and down, taking in his short hair, wide shoulders, and flat chest. He crosses his arms over that now, uncomfortable, hoping she isn’t looking at his long eyelashes or his delicate cheekbones or his hips. All the places he’s insecure about. 

“Yeah, um… that’s me.” He looks up at her, his jaw clenching, waiting for the ball to drop. “I shortened the name a little, and the- uh- hair.” He tries for the old charming smile as he runs a hand through the spiky hair he hasn’t let grow out in 20 years. It doesn’t quite get there, settling at a more delicate need for approval. Mary doesn’t give it to him. “Do you believe me?”

She bypasses the question, turning her eyes away from him to look at the car behind him. Something changes in her eyes. “I burned.” She says quietly, like she’s remembering the heat. Dean swallows. He remembers the heat too. “How long have I been gone?”

“33 years.” His voice cracks. 

Mary looks back to him, and she moves forward, putting two gentle fingers to his cheek, to the freckles sprayed across soft skin. He’s had them forever, even when he was little. “Dee?” She calls him by his old nickname; Dean’s doubly thankful that he doesn’t use his deadname. 

“Hi, mom.” There are tears in his eyes.

------------------------------------------------------

“How did he die?”

Dean bows his head. He’s really not selling himself too good here, is he? First the trans thing, now- “He gave himself up for me.” He’ll be surprised if Mary wants anything to do with him. Surprisingly, she chuckles and sniffles. 

“That does sound like John.” He looks over, and she’s smiling. His brow furrows. Killing himself to save Dean’s ass does sound like John, but not in a way that makes him want to smile. “And he was a hunter? And he raised-” She stutters now, looking at him again and looking away just as quickly. “You and Sam to be-”

“Yeah, he did.” A cold weight is settling in Dean’s stomach, and he tries and fails to not let it seep into his words.

“And you said we’ve met before, when you traveled through time,”

Dean nods. It had been horrible and amazing to see Mary and have her see him, just as some guy. A guy, at all. “Twice. Your memory got wiped, so…” So you don’t remember me telling you I was your kid, and you not believing me. I do.

“And you’re… my daughter-”

Dean coughs. He hasn’t been called a daughter in a long-ass time. “No, I’m- I mean. I was. I know it’s a lot. And I’ll explain everything. I will. But right now, let’s get out of here. Let’s get you home. Come on, Mom.”

She doesn’t correct him, which means she must believe, at least a little bit, that she is his mom. 

-----------------------------------------------------

“You live here?” She looks around the cavernous space and he smiles, looking around too. It really is awesome. 

“Yeah, when we’re not on the road. It’s an old Men of Letters bunker.”

“Men of Letters?” She scoffs. Dean grins a bit and looks at her. He thinks he likes her. “They’re a myth. An old hunter’s story.”

He tilts his head. He’s just gonna keep blowing her mind today, apparently. “Not so much. New duds look good.” He gestures to her clothes. He’d lent her some extra clothes he’d had in the trunk, and he tries not to fixate on how they weren’t that big on her. He’s not much taller than her, and he knows part of that even is the heeled boots he’s wearing. 

“Well, thanks. It’s better than walking around in that nightgown the rest-” Dean’s nodding, about to say something extremely awkward like ‘Yeah, nightgowns are a bitch,’ when he finally looks at what she’s staring at, spattered on the floor of the bunker. “That’s blood.”

 “Yeah.” Dean’s heart leaps into his throat, but he goes into autopilot before he can think about freaking out. He takes his gun out from his pants and cocks it, clearing the immediate area. A blurred sigil on the wall puts another bolt of fear through his chest. “Sammy? Cas?” He winces at how high his voice goes.

He takes the Map Table’s gun out from its hiding place and hands it to Mary. She was a hunter too, and he’s not about to leave her unarmed to clear the place. “Take this. Stay here.” Dean takes off immediately. It isn’t until he’s moving on to check the kitchen that he hears the voice. Mary’s clear as a bell, saying, 

“Hands, now,”

Dean’s in the room before he can think about it. His heart practically comes undone when he sees that dumb familiar trench coat. He puts his body between Cas and his mom’s gun immediately, hoping she will trust him enough not to shoot through him. “Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! It’s okay, it’s okay. He’s a friend, all right?” He meets Cas’s eyes and sees the utter relief in his eyes, and a surge of warmth fills his chest. “Hey, Cas.”

It’s a lackluster greeting when they both thought they’d never see each other again, and Cas shows it when he steps forward quickly and pulls Dean into a tight hug. “Dean!”

Dean grins and pats his back. “Hey, okay. All right,” He comforts him quietly. 

“Dean, you’re alive?” Cas pulls away and looks him over, like he’s afraid Dean might disappear. Dean nods, understanding; he had done the same thing to Mary, after all.

“Yeah.”

“What about the bomb and the Darkness? What happened?”

“I’ll tell you everything. Where is Sam?”

“He’s not here.” Obviously. Dean could smack him, but his face wants to break into a fond smile instead. He represses both urges.

“Are you a hunter?”

“No, I’m an angel.”

“He’s an angel.” Dean says over Cas. They look at each other and then back at Mary. 

“Come again?”

“An angel, with a capital A,” Dean clarifies. He feels, ridiculously, a little bit like he’s showing off. Showing Cas off. “You know, wings, harp.”

“No, I don’t have a harp.”

Dean laughs. “This is Castiel. Cas, this is… Mary. Winchester.”

------------------------------------------------------

“It’s been kinda weird, here. You know, with mom being back?” And learning that her baby girl is now a full grown man? “It’s like we don’t know how to act around each other, so we just kinda make this small talk, and act like it’s normal, but it’s- it’s so not normal.” Dean can hear the pleading in his voice. 

“What has she said to you?” Cas asks quickly. Dean bites his lip to hide the smile he’s trying to get from hearing Cas get all angry and protective on his behalf. He’s reminded of the time Cas looked him directly in the face and said, ‘Dean Winchester, if anyone is ever transphobic to you, I will smite them immediately and without any remorse.’ And before Dean could make a quip about internalized transphobia, Cas added, ‘Do not make me do that to you.’

“Well, nothing. That’s- that’s the whole point.” It’s the kind of thing most people usually wanna go over, what the fuck gender their kid is? He’s pretty sure no news does not mean good news in this context.

“Okay, what have you said to her?”

“Well, nothing. I’m- I don’t know what to say to her, y’know? It’s like it’s all too much, and I don’t wanna overwhelm her.” 

“Dean, your identity is not ‘too much.’” Cas says immediately. Dean sighs. That wasn’t what he meant, even though he has said something similar before. Something when he was lonely and sad and feeling like explaining his dick to a one night stand was too complicated for him to do to even assuage it that way.

“No- I know. It’s not that. It’s… everything.”

Now it’s Cas’s turn to sigh. “Don’t make things unnecessarily complicated, as you humans tend to do. I’ll call you.” He hangs up. 

Dean lets the phone fall with his arm limp to his side. “Yeah. Great. That’s helpful.” He says to the empty air. “That’s helpful.” Asshole.

-------------------------------------------------------

They’re in the car, and Dean is driving, and there is too much going on. He’s not sure whether he’s happy that Cas is in the backseat for this conversation or not. “So you’re… my Deanna.”

Dean’s hands tighten on the wheel. He looks at them and ignores the voice in his head that says they are petite. Womanly. “Uh, yeah. I was born Deanna Jane Winchester.” He clears his throat and meets Cas’s eyes in the rearview. He gives him a little nod, and Dean continues. “I’m… It’s called trans.”

Dean risks a look over at Mary, and she’s playing with her ring. “So you… wanted to be a boy.” 

Dean clears his throat again. He’s pretty sure he does it every time before he talks, and he’s also pretty sure his voice gets lower every time he talks, too. He swears it’s an automatic reflex. 

“Dean’s soul is- that of a human man.” Cas interrupts, saying it like that clarifies things. The corner of Dean’s mouth tilts up a little bit. Cas did tell him that he could see his soul, and also told him that it was, and he quotes ‘A color more similar to that of a men than women.’ Which, yeah, that tracks. He guesses Cas leaves off the ‘more similar’ part to make things simpler for Mary.

“And so you…” Mary trails off, a finger pointing toward his chest aborting its mission when she realizes it might be rude. 

Dean raises an eyebrow with amusement. “Cut my tits off? Yeah.” He takes a hand off the wheel to raise his shirt, proudly showing off his top surgery scars. Mary trails a hand along them, feeling the raised skin. “After Sammy went to college. It was a bitch of a few weeks, but it was worth it.”

Mary takes her hand away and nods, brows furrowed like she’s trying to wrap her head around it. Dean grins. The grin freezes awkwardly, the edges tilting down, when Mary opens her mouth again. “So you have a-”

Cas coughs loudly in the back seat. Dean meets his wide eyes with a similar expression, and Mary cuts off the question, catching onto the fact she said something wrong. “Don’t think we really need to go there, do we, mom?”

That was a question for him and whatever lucky son of a bitch (gender neutral) ended up in his bed at the end of the night. “Right.” Mary says quickly. She turns her whole body then, asking, “Is that why you like men?”

Dean only swerves a little, he swears. The car coming the opposite direction doesn’t seem to agree, holding its horn long and hard. Luckily, it gives him a moment to stutter less obviously. 

“Sorry, I just meant- since you two are-” Mary gestures between Cas and Dean, and Dean blinks his eyes solidly, trying to convince himself this is really happening.

“No! I mean, we-” Dean doesn’t have the balls (hehe) to look at Cas in the back seat, but he can see the trench coat shifting out of his peripheral. “I’m not-”

“Was John okay with this?”

Dean laughs. It comes out bitter and dark. “Dad didn’t much give a fuck what I did with my body. He’d given up on grandkids about the time he saw how decent I was at hunting, so my long hair wasn’t a personal loss.” He knew I wasn’t gonna live long enough to give him grandkids, not without some self-sacrifice on John’s part.

Mary looks a little shocked at his outburst, and Dean almost feels bad for being so blunt and crass. But then he remembers growing up with John as his male role model, and he tightens his jaw. No, the bluntness and crassness was accurate. “Oh.”

“... Yeah.” Dean bites his lip and risks another glance at his mom. 

“So, you’re okay with this?” He waves a hand at himself. Asking if she was okay with him was just too pathetic, even for him. She looks at him uncertainly, a frown he recognizes as his own on her face.

“I don’t think I’m okay with any of this, Dean. But… I guess I’ll adjust.”