#fuck this shit mab

[yourstrullyme]

fucking hate being bi cause even the bi girls i talk to end up hooking up with my male friends not me :)))

[angeltism]

seriously what the flip man why is Every Single Person I Know (not really but sh) finding love except for Me . I'm no worse than anyone else I know , I think . So like . What is it about me that is just so undesirable

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Hey. Hi. Hello. Today I learned about the existence of 15th century Welsh poet Gwerful Mechain and that she apparently has a surviving work of erotic poems.

Please. For Christmas. For Yule. Please tell me more because I can't read Welsh.

Heh heh. Oh, Gwerful Mechain is the absolute best.

(Quick housekeeping to keep the post manageable - I previously wrote about things like cynghanedd and cywydds and englyns and such here, so check that if you need an explanation.)

What's fun is that we don't know a ton about her, because not a lot got written down about people in her time. Her surviving work covers a 40ish year span at the end of the 1400s to just into the 1500s, but we don't know when she was born or died or anything like that. We know her parents' names? And that she was from Mechain, hence the bardic name. And that she married a guy and had a daughter, something which actually does mark out her body of work as different from her contemporaries; being a wife and mother, she couldn't do the usual bardic role of travelling the country to spread news and play at courts. This means she doesn't have any of the praise poetry that a lot of male bards produced about the lords that hosted them.

But, there's stuff we can piece together about her. For one thing, she was not just literate (not a universal skill for anyone at that point, but especially for women), but she was astonishingly well-read and had what appears to be a classical education, given her poetic references and traditional Welsh meters. For another, her work often had recurring themes of religion, sex, and women's rights, sometimes all at the same time.

At the point Gwerful was active, Welsh bardic culture heavily featured ymrysonau. An ymryson is like... well, I hesitate to say "sort of like a rap battle" after the way everyone and their dog now thinks that's what the Mari Lwyd does, but they were like a cross between a rap battle and the publication war between two rival academics. A bard would write an englyn and publish it in the local parish newsletter. Another bard would see this, and write their own englyn about how stupid the first bard's englyn was, and publish it in the same newsletter. The first bard would see this and retaliate. The second bard would retaliate to that. And on and on it would go, like a printed tennis match for all the parishioners to enjoy, until someone wrote a conclusive verse OR until someone went "Lol, you got me good there" and bowed out with dignity. Sometimes, these things were fucking vicious; but other times, they were just banter between two bards who knew each other and were enjoying the chance to keep their poetic skills in tip top condition.

Now, Gwerful was an active and enthusiastic participant in ymrysonau. We have many examples of her work from these. There are two of particular note that I'll list here, each against a different bard:

Dafydd Llwyd o Fathafarn. Mathafarn and Mechain are not so distant from one another, so no real surprise that these two locked horns a lot, but the impression I always got from their ymrysonau is that they were good mates, actually. These fell into the 'banter' category more often than not. Dafydd was a Welsh Nationalist who was hoping for a Welshman to rise up and throw off the yoke of English oppression, and most of his work is about that, but he turned up the filthy erotic shit for any ymryson with Gwerful because BOY HOWDY was that her specialty. IIRC she did occasionally poke fun at his Welsh Nash leanings, especially his obsession with Mab Darogan (OLD Welsh idea that translates to the Son of Prophesy - the Arthur-style figure that will one day drive out the English overlords), but mostly their ymrysonau were incredibly beautifully-written odes that could be summed up as "Dafydd, my man, my good friend, I mean this sincerely: suck my entire clit".

She often won.

Ieuan Dyfi. God, what a fucking asshole. This one was not banter. Gwerful played for blood with this prick.

We actually would know nothing about Ieuan Dyfi if not for Gwerful Mechain, because it was her poetic response to him that meant his only surviving poems made it to the modern day; that, and the record of him being brought before a church court where he admitted adultery with Anni Goch, a married woman. Oh, and the record of him being brought before the law courts at Liverpool, accused of domestic abuse and gambling? If I remember right?

Two things to know that set the scene for what came next:

One of Gwerful Mechain's surviving poems is an englyn considered to be possibly the oldest extant poem about domestic violence written by a woman: I’w gŵr am ei churo (To the husband who beats her)

Dager drwy goler dy galon - ar osgo I asgwrn dy ddwyfron; Dy lin a dyr, dy law’n don, A’th gleddau i’th goluddion.

There are a lot of translations for this one to try to keep its poeticness, but this one is pretty good:

Through your heart’s lining let there be pressed, slanting down, A dagger to the bone in your chest. Your knee smashed, your hand crushed, may the rest Be gutted by the sword you possessed.

She has others, too, that deal with sexual assault, and something scholars often note about Gwerful is her remarkable knowledge of the law as it pertained to women's issues. So she was not, you see, a woman with a high view of a man accused of domestic violence anyway.

But then Ieuan Dyfi wrote five poems about Anni Goch, the married woman he'd fucked, each more "Wow dude, she said no" than the last, culminating in I Anni Goch; a full cywydd of misogynistic Medieval-incel bullshit about how false and evil women are, which listed all the false and evil women of history including classical and mythological figures.

And. Well. Gwerful had some views.

Her responding cywydd - I ateb Ieuan Dyfi am gywydd Anni Goch - basically blasted the guy back into his own impact crater and disintegrated him. What she did with it, essentially, was to mirror his cywydd. Where he'd gone "Isn't it so true how great men throughout history have always been brought low by women, amirite lads? Here's examples", Gwerful went "Isn't it so true how 'great men' throughout history have behaved appallingly and fucked up through their own actions and then somehow managed to blame women, amirite lads? Here's examples." Where his examples had been historical figures, so were hers. Where his had been classical, so were hers. Where he went Biblical, so did she.

And what's so interesting about that last one is how pointed she was with it - for some reason, in his big list of evil women, Ieuan Dyfi did not go for the most obvious and low-hanging of fruit (no pun intended) - he doesn't cite Eve. In response, Gwerful also sidesteps the most obvious and low hanging of fruit - she doesn't cite Mary. In so doing, she makes it clear that she doesn't even need to.

There is no record of him responding to her. IIRC, there is a record of him doing three years in prison.

But! Outside of all of that, the big thing Gwerful was known for was her erotic poetry. You'll be unsurprised to hear that it wasn't written for shits and giggles - much like today, women of the time were told that most of their value was in their looks, and they had plentiful insecurities about their bodies. Gwerful wrote her erotic stuff to confront those insecurities and shine a light on the issue. There are so many examples of this, but far and away the most famous is definitely Cywydd y Cedor - roughly translated, 'Ode to the Vulva'. Though I have also seen it titled Cywydd y Gont - Ode to the Cunt. It's such a shame that the English language is literally, physically not capable of cynghanedd, because it means unless you learn Welsh you will never understand the beauty and the lyricism of the piece, and how it elevates and undercuts the content at the same time; but it's a joyful, masterful, irreverent work that uses the fancy language male poets were forever dedicating to the rest of a woman's body and applies it squarely to the vulva. In fact it basically opens with "Men are cowards, describe more cunts or gtfo" before launching into its main subject matter. The last line is pro-pubic hair, too, like I really must stress how much Gwerful Mechain would have to offer Tumblr if you could speak Welsh. This is probably her most widely translated piece, though, you can definitely find English versions. Although you can tell how blushing and reticent the translator is - and therefore how sanitised their translation is - by whether they've called it Ode to the Vulva/Cunt, or Ode to the Pubic Hair.

Needless to say, the original is not sanitised.

(Actually, I should also say - this one is also a response piece, probably, but in this case to a bard who lived a century earlier - Dafydd ap Gwilym, the absolutely legendary and uncontested king of Welsh romance poetry. He wrote a poem called Cywydd y Gal - Ode to the Penis. I have only just put two and two together on that.)

As a final note, I should say that my personal favourite Gwerful Mechain poem on this subject, mind, is actually I'w morwyn wrth gachu - to the maiden who is shitting. It's an englyn written in Gwerful's customary high poetic form, but it is what it says - it describes a woman taking a shit, and farting as she does. Beautiful and magical and disgusting and banal, all in one go:

Crwciodd lle dihangodd ei dŵr - ’n grychiast O grochan ei llawdwr; Ei deudwll oedd yn dadwr’, Baw a ddaeth, a bwa o ddŵr

Funnily enough, it's hard to find a good translation for this one lol.

My attempt:

She crouched where her water escaped - creased From the cauldron of her heat; Her two holes were arguing, Shit came, and a bow of water

Eh. It's so bland in English. Honestly, if you could read Welsh...

Anyway, if anyone reading this can read Welsh and wants to read some of Gwerful Mechain's stuff - including some of the pieces she was responding to in the ymrysonau - you can find a load here. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed!

[okcoolthanks]

HE DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING

FUCKING DAVE

[chuuyaspinkmotorcycle]

Day 19: Phantom Thief AU

“That bastard!” Chuuya yells, heart beating out of his chest. 

It’s the fourth time this week he’s been /so close/ to getting that shitty thief. It’s also the fourth time this week he’s been jumpscared by that shitty thief, too.

“What was it this time, Chuuya-san?” Akutagawa asks as he comes up behind Chuuya, peering around his shoulder.

There, on the ground, lie fake spiders scattered around from falling out of a bucket when the door was opened.

Akutagawa had come rushing when he heard the bucket fall followed by an — admittedly — high pitch scream.

“That slimy piece of shit fucking boobytrapped the place,” Chuuya says, exasperated, as he gestures at the crime scene. His other hand is clutched to his vest.

“And you’re positive it was him?” Akutagawa cautiously double-checks. He trusts his superior, really, but it’s been weeks of searching for this mysterious man and they’ve yet to uncover a real lead.

“I’m positive,” Chuuya grumbles. “There’s only one person who would have the guts to challenge me. Me, Akutagawa!”

All Akutagawa can do is sigh. Chuuya’s a world-renowned detective, and Akutagawa’s been fortunate enough to have him as a mentor.

But in having the pleasure of this experience, he’s also come to realize that Chuuya can be a bit… stubborn, to put it lightly.

Once the redhead sets his mind on his target, it’s hard to convince him otherwise.

Their target for the past month has been none other than Dazai Osamu, a world-class actor who came from nowhere and who has never publicly done anything wrong.

His background’s a tad bit shady but there’s no evidence to go along with it so Akutagawa ruled him out early on in this man-search.

Akutagawa doesn’t believe he could be the one stealing jewels from famous museums such as the one they’re in now. After all, why would a rich actor need even more money? If he was that desperate, he could just buy the whole museum.

They scout the place some more, with no more boobytraps to be found, and wrap up their work. The ride back to their office is filled with Chuuya’s complaints and curses at the man.

With no new information on the case, they’re forced to retire early for the night, though Akutagawa doesn’t doubt that Chuuya will attempt an all-nighter whether he’s in the office or at his apartment.

The next day finds them at yet another jewel museum in the next town over. This time a sapphire was taken, just like all of their other cases.

They’ve expanded their search to the furthest it could be, even checking the roof for anything suspicious.

“Greedy blue-obsessed freak,” Chuuya grumbles, retracing their steps. There’s no hints or traces to how their thief even managed to steal the gem without the alarms going off.

Akutagawa hasn’t spotted anything of note either. They split up a little bit ago, now on opposite sides of the main room to double check the entrances/exits. Akutagawa’s beyond stumped.

Behind him across the room, he hears Chuuya shove something aside and then–

“Motherfucker!”

As to be expected.

There’s a ruckus, followed by a bang against the wall, so Akutagawa turns around.

Pinned against the wall is a man in gray, caught in Chuuya’s grasp, though he doesn’t appear to be struggling.

Akutagawa makes his way towards the two, trying to figure out who their thief is. Beside the pair, a large case holder to display jewelry has been shoved aside, and Akutagawa can see a crevice behind it, similar to the space underneath a desk.

“Got you, faker.” Chuuya grins, pushing further against their perpetrator. And with that, he reaches a hand forward to yank off the mab’s bedazzled mask.

Akutagawa’s jaw drops.

“I knew it was you,” Chuuya says, sounding feral with pride.

There, in his grasp, is one Dazai Osamu, world-class actor and apparent thief.

“Hmm,” Dazai hums. From his coat pocket, he drags out something, holding it up to Chuuya’s face as he squints. “Mm, not quite the same. Boo~”

Akutagawa knows he should probably do something, like get his handcuffs out to help Chuuya, but all he can do is ask, “Not quite the same what?”

Dazai glances over at him, only just now seeming to notice him. “The chibi’s eyes, of course!”

Akutagawa’s even more confused now. Does Chuuya know him? “Why do you need a gem that matches Chuuya-san’s eyes?”

“For our weddi–” Dazai starts, only to have Chuuya’s hand slapped over his mouth.

“Bastard,” Chuuya murmurs. Behind them, the screech of another case holder sounds.

Out from under it, a white-haired boy crawls out. “Dazai-san, can we be done here? It’s hot.” He complains.

Upon noticing Akutagawa’s glance, he merely leans against the wall nearest him, as if waiting for whatever is happening to be done.

“It’s okay, Atsushi-kun! Chuuya has water in the car,” Dazai shouts.

“You could have just asked these places nicely, bastard,” Chuuya says. “You know they would’ve just let you borrow them under the guise of ‘scenes.’”

“But where’s the fun in that?” Dazai whines, deflating in Chuuya’s arms as he throws himself around the detective.

Chuuya sighs, “And where have you been keeping them?”

“Ranpo owed me a favor~”

Chuuya only scoffs, arms wrapped around the actor. “I’m too tired for this. Whatever, just put the gem back and let’s get out of here. We can return the rest tomorrow.”

“Wh– but Chuuya-san, don’t we have to take him in?” Akutagawa asks. It’s their sworn job, after all.

“I’ll talk to Fukuzawa-san about this,” Chuuya says. “He’ll understand. Probably.”

And with that, Chuuya unwraps himself from Dazai, earning whines as he forces Dazai to return the gem to its case.

Akutagawa’s still trying to wrap his mind around everything that just happened, missing how Dazai gets it back in there without damaging or removing the glass.

He can only follow after Dazai and Chuuya as they head out, him and Atsushi following along. Beside him, he hears Atsushi scoff when the two in front of them intertwine their hands.

Akutagawa doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to take this job seriously.

[coffeefromvoid]

Late night rambling/Acting/Mercutio specific hot? Lukewarm? Take, i dunno I’ve only been acting for like three years

Basically a few weeks ago I came to the realisation that when you are acting it’s useful to know a character’s greatest fear. Of course you need to know more than that to make a character come alive on stage- who they are, their motivations, their personality or the bits of it that shine through in the script and their narrative purpose.

But I also find a characters greatest fear to be important too, especially for heightened emotional moments.

For example my three biggest roles so far,

1. Franz von Moor (in a summarised version of Shiller’s “die Räuber”)

2. Paolo (in a stage adaptation of Michael Ende’s novel “Momo”)

And last and certainly not least,

3. Mercutio (shortend and modified version of the german translation of Romeo and Juliet, by Shakespeare)

These three roles are very different from each other and all have different fears, which play into their portrayal on stage. None of the fears are out right stated, it’s just my interpretation, to better play the character.

But why is a characters fear important if you aren’t playing a scene where the character is specifically afraid?

Well, to me, my fears personally do affect how i carry myself. Some days more some days less, so having a characters fear in the back of your mind can be useful for when they are doing a monologue for example, or doing an important action, or just making them appear more human

For example, when i was playing Franz, his greatest fear to me, was being alone and having nothing left as he wasn’t the main hair, leading him to doing all of those horrible actions that result in him killing himself after asking god for forgiveness. Not an excuse for his shit behaviour but a helpful guide for his characterisation.

Or Paolo who was just a kid and wanted his parents to spend time with him and who was afraid of change and everything the gray men represent. After the time skip and the kids omission into the new strict school, he becomes hopeless, robotic and depressed. Because his greatest fear came true.

And finally Mercutio who’s, in my opinion, greatest fear is death. This only shines through in the text in two places, the infamous Queen Mab speech and his final monologue before he dies.

The Queen Mab speech starts of whimsical and fun as Mercutio describes Mab and her carriage and so on and so forth, but after a while it turns darker, when he starts talking about the dark dreams that are about war and subsequent, death, that she puts in soldiers heads. This is, to me, the point where the Queen Mab speech turns cynical and basically opposite of what it was at the beginning.

And the second moment where his primal fear of death shows is obviously his death-monologue. Mercutio has, not a facade but a heightened, more dramatic version of his personality he puts on as a mask, to hide this ‘silly’ fear of death. Why would a great man like him fear such a thing? Right? This mask starts to falter when he realises he’s fucking dying, for real. But in never truly drops, as he is still making jokes until his last breath, to try and distract himself of his fate or perhaps convince himself it isn’t happening at all, while clinging on to the person he made himself to be.

I’m not saying that Mercutio making a pun in his death-monologue is out of character, no, it just shows me, that he did not digest what had happened to him before it was too late. If that makes sense.

And of course you cannot forget his very memorable and dramatic anger at both houses in this speech. He doesn’t just blame one person or house for his unexpected demise but he blames both Tybalt and Romeo. This is him expressing this anger he had in him, not just at his death but at everything around him making him feel like he had to put up this heightened image of himself. He is basically speed running the five stages of grief for himself but died before he could get to acceptance.

Mercutio’s fear of death also explains his recklessness to me, he sneaks Romeo and Benvolio into the Capulet ball without even thinking of the consequences, insults the nurse with no after thought and challenges Tybalt to the dual without considering that Romeo might come between them because of his previous yapping about loving the Capulet name like his own, even though no one knew about his marriage to Juliet.

Mercutio basically lives every day like it would be his last but isn’t actually ready to die tomorrow.

Hope this long ass post was worth the read, i’ve been thinking ab Mercutio non stop and its one am rn and i should sleep but i can’t so boom character analysis plus minor acting advice, Also sorry if the grammar is garbage, its as stated one am, and english isn’t my first language.

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character 2024 — Scripted Redemption Bracket — Round 2

Propaganda

Graham Casner (The White Vault):

White Vault spoilers:

[Coughing violently]

Graham Casner survived the Forrmynður, the thing that will stop at nothing to sacrifice you

He deserves this as a break and a reward

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.

Mab (Monstrous Agonies):

Queen of the fey, fabulous, frequent not-quite nemesis of the Presenter of the podcast, then ally against capitalism

Additional propaganda below the cut:

Graham Casner (The White Vault):

Peter Joseph Lewis hottest voice of all time

#I know he's gonna lose but gotta go with Graham

#I am tma girlie and I dropped The White Vault at season something #but Graham is sexier!!! (In reference to Tim Stoker)

#Look from the allos I know. The people voting have NOT heard TWV

#WHAT are these results #I understand that we're pitting the canonically sexiest men from each series against each other. But casner!!!! #Graham 'going to protect all of you if it kills me' Casner #Graham 'brooding in the corner but it's brooding like a mother hen' Casner #Come to think of it interesting that they both sort of kind of died the same way?? #Anyway pokemon go to the polls to vote for casner

#NOOOOOOO #VOTE FOR CASNER

#sorry tma followers. it's casner

#justice for Graham

#im sorry but have you people HEARD graham casner's voice #i think that might be the sexiest voice of every podcast ive ever listened to and that is. many #like i love tma and i love tim but this is specifically for sexiness and graham casner wins by a MILE. the injustice ...

#VOTE GRAHAM PLEASE GOD #i love tim so much but hes nothing put against Graham #im so sorry TMA girlies but i need you to listen to more than TMA #YOU SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW

With zero hesitation, it’s Graham. #sad strong Russian dad vibes #he’s such a gem

#Graham Casner #his voice is hot and he fought a giant arctic squid (and won???)

#i'm begging y'all listen to more than just tma #tim's voice isn't even that sexy compared to graham #graham got shit done #sorry tim #but i know you'd fuck graham too #AND YOU WOULDN'T SURVIVE

#it's graham casner #you're all wrong and i won't apologise

#rip casner I still love you

#graham might be the second sexiest character on the white vault #but he's still sexier than tim! #(dragana is objectively the sexiest white vault character)

anarchoanarchist420: GRAHAM CASNER SWEEP PLEASEEEEEE microwavebeeping: we can’t be mutuals anymore 😔 anarchoanarchist420: its okay to be wrong <3 Graham “Oh God What Is That” Casner is the most universally sexy man to ever be cursed by capitalism to die via eldrich horror microwavebeeping: Sorry! I can’t hear you over the sound of exploding mannequins :3

Mab (Monstrous Agonies):

#mab has my heart #but not my name

#okay this is MEAN #i love jonathan harker with my whole heart #but mab is SO memorable and has such an impact despite only rarely appearing 'onstage'

#obviously i voted for mab out of loyalty <3

#vote Mab!

This is propaganda for all the female characters. Voters please remember how pretty all women are and factor that into every single vote you make. Thank you.

[waitlexist]

DoL PC - Luna the Enchanting

Full name: Luna del Nico

Skills: Tending S, Dancing A, Housekeeping A, Athletics B, Swimming D

Reputation: Those in the town call you Angel. Those in the underworld call you Queen Mab.

Income: Foraging, gardening, farming(the like), and working at the “Adult Store”.

Extra info— Italian. Has a star and moon tattoo on her left shoulder. Often wears a flower crown, although said flowers occasionally feel a bit eerie.

One of the many orphans in Bailey’s care, Luna remained blissfully innocent until she turned eighteen— quite literally, as soon as she blew out the candles, bro came over and held out his palm expectantly. It took her a long moment to figure it out, and even longer to cope with what felt like a betrayal. She works at the cafe for a while, before realizing it pays like shit, and goes full into gardening and foraging in the forest for cash. It’s kinda weird, but is it just Robin, or have her ears gotten pointier recently? Probably just Robin’s imagination. Luna manages to keep up with her payments pretty easily, considering she just got her hair dyed! Huh? What does she mean “it’s natural”? She’s just crazy, obviously.

Only when she finds Robin struggling with her payments does Luna kinda, sorta… snaps. Just a tiny bit! Maybe she pushes Robin’s harassers off the boat, and maybe Luna leaves them in the middle of the ocean and sails back to shore with Robin. Maybe.

After that, Luna moves out of the orphanage quite quickly. With surprisingly easy convincing of Bailey, she leaves, but in order to keep Robin safe, takes on her payments— that Bailey might sneakily have doubled. Not that Luna cares— she’ll do anything to keep her people safe. It’s weird, though, she goes to the forest every night to sleep? Nobody knows where she lives. It’s very odd.

Her second snap comes from Whitney’s dismissal event. She doesn’t really like the guy, doesn’t tolerate him bullying anyone(except herself, low self esteem) but the underground is something she’d wish on no one. Ever. And maybe seeing Whitney cry drove her to some kind of protective rage… apparently the would-be kidnapper went blind after that! According to him, there was some kind of glittery explosion… but Whitney claims to know nothing, and so does Luna— so he must be crazy, of course.

The third comes from Kylar, of course. Luna doesn’t exactly have the healthiest definition of love, so the obsession makes her happy. She even went out of her way to make Kylar food— which he adored the moment he ate! It was like he was addicted, almost. Crazy, right? Anyway, he’s eventually driven to kidnap her— which Luna isn’t really a fan of. She’d come over and hangout with him anytime. Although she kinda detests how he makes her cook for him all the time— it eventually clicks. It made her, well, sad. But she tries to shrug it off, telling herself he liked her before that… and then after seeing the family portrait, she kinda, just… is done. She wants to be loved for herself. Not for the supposedly addicting qualities of her food or for her resemblance to his mother. She doesn’t speak to him as much, but doesn’t have the heart to reject him— she’d feel too guilty, after all. It’s her fault it got to this point. So she’s not going to deny him when he needs a release.

Sydney’s one of Luna’s favorite people. He reminds her of herself, before Doltown said “fuck you(literally)”. She enjoys hanging out with him— although she doesn’t really realize her dirty jokes and dark humor get to him a bit too much, until it’s a bit too late when Leighton is punishing him, and she tries to take the blame— obviously it doesn’t work out, and— what does he mean he liked being spanked?? Waitwaitwait WHAT DID HE JUST DO? Luna is shocked, bamboozled, and feels so guilty— especially because it was all her, not any other factors at play. She corrupted him. She just really really really hopes he’s happy— she loves him, she really does— nothing made her happier than the way he smiled when she encouraged him to dye his hair. Luna just hopes she can make him happy as possible. I mean, she joined the temple for this man, and she’s not even religious.

She’s also quite good friends with Alex, but that’s just because she loves farming. She cannot stand his alcoholism— for whatever reason, it reminds her of bad times. He’s not a bad guy. She just hates alcohol. Reallt really hates it. But she does well on the farm! All of the animals(or demianimals? Monster people? Idfk) have a natural affinity with her, the same way plants are just more energized(as weird as it is to say) in her presence.

Great Hawk and Luna have a family sort of bond, but not as husband and wife(to funny bird’s previous dismay). At their first meeting, Luna gave him a big scolding— but she stayed around, helped clean up the place, and offered friendship. They’re not exactly the same race, but he still taught her how to fly! Wait, she has wings? Where??? Ah, must be a mistake in my notes… They get along like two peas in a pod. Except when he brings her jewelry, shouldn’t he know by now not to bring iron? Luna silently cheers him on in finding a mate, and the two occasionally take in a stray harpy orphan as a new little sibling.

I have more for what she’ll be like as a LI, but I need to sleep unfortunately.

Anyway! I don’t want to post too much too quick idfk! This is all I want to do for now! I wanted to keep things kinda vague, although I feel as if it’s not too hard to guess. Below is a picture, made with Picrew and slightly edited by myself!

[arwenlalaith]

Dating App Mishaps (Ch. 9)

Ship: Alex Blake/Reader

Summary: Alex didn't have Tinder by choice...but that doesn't mean it isn't going to come in handy.

Word Count: 1040

When Alex arrived home from the case, she felt – physically and emotionally – like she'd been hit by a truck. Not to mention beyond sexually frustrated... (The previous night's masturbation had only made things worse, somehow.)

She would have loved nothing more than to fuck you into oblivion as a form of stress release, had been imagining it the entire jet ride back to DC...but you had yet to respond to her text message asking whether you were free.

Emily's words were echoing in the back of her mind. Afterall, Emily had been doing this work for a long time, she obviously knew what she was talking about when it came to keeping the frustration at bay, so maybe it was worth looking into the whole cam girl thing. Right?

Besides, she could just look... She could just see what the whole thing was all about, she could stop at any point. It didn't have to mean anything.

Right?

She opened her laptop and started up the web browser, which immediately flashed to the page Emily had opened. She spent a few moments staring dumbly at the page, trying to decide what to do next. Which girl did she choose? She had no idea how to even begin the selection process...

So, she did the only thing she could think of and selected at random – a girl going by the name Queen Mab.

For a few moments, as the page loaded, she chewed her lip. Anxiety roiled in her stomach like a pit of snakes in some kind of quantum entanglement moment of Schrodinger's duality.

The next thing Alex was aware of, a husky voice purred, "Well, well, well...we have a new friend joining us. Everyone welcome Peitho to the Seelie Realm..."

She looked up sharply, gaze snapping to the screen at the familiar voice.

It couldn't be...

But sure enough, it was.

For several long moments, she froze, mind struggling to comprehend the situation at hand. Then, just as quickly as she'd frozen, she returned to life, snapping the laptop lid shut and pushing it away from her like it had personally wronged her.

She stood, running her fingers through her hair as she exhaled heavily. Her first thought was that she needed to get her mind off, well...everything. She needed a distraction.

Twenty minutes later, she'd vacuumed her entire apartment...but she'd spent the entire time thinking about what she'd inadvertently stumbled across. She was seriously debating opening up the laptop and double checking that it was, indeed, what she'd thought...

But before she could, there was a knock on her front door and she silently thanked a God she didn't believe in for the new distraction. When she flung the door open, however, it was to find Emily leaning against the doorframe with a pointed expression. "Care to explain why you're vacuuming at eleven at night?" she asked.

(The divorce decree had stated that she and James were to sell the house and split the money from the sale, which had meant Alex needed to find a new place to live. Thankfully, Emily's neighbour happened to be selling his place just then.)

Alex winced, having forgotten just how paper thin the walls were. "Sorry," she said with a wince, standing back to allow Emily into the apartment. "Wine?" she asked (and briefly wondered why she hadn't thought to pour herself a glass earlier).

"Do you really have to ask?" Emily said, moving to the kitchen in search of wine glasses without being asked. Once Alex had poured them both a glass of wine and was in the midst of a greedy sip, Emily rather suddenly declared, "You're hiding something."

Choking on the liquid, Alex spent the next several moments coughing and sputtering which, fortunately, bought her some time to think of a reply. Unfortunately, the best she could come up with – caught off guard as she was – was, "I don't know what you mean."

Emily gave a snort of amusement. "You're a shit liar, you know that, right?"

Alex blinked a few times, stunned by Emily's almost superhuman ability to know things. "I don't... I wasn't..." she stammered.

Emily laughed at her consternation. "Let me guess: curiosity got the best of you and you decided to check out the cam girls afterall and now the compulsory heterosexuality is combining with religious guilt to form a cloud of shame over your head..."

She felt her face flush bright red, giving away far more than she cared to. Logically, she knew that there was nothing to feel guilty over – afterall, these girls were all legal and they were earning money – but knowing it and believing it were two very different things. "What would you do if you found someone you knew on the cam girl site?" she asked before she even knew she was going to speak.

A brow arching up her forehead, unable to contain her curiosity, Emily asked, "Who did you see?" Alex shook her head once, twice. Emily scrutinized her for a few moments. "It was your situationship girl, wasn't it?"

"My what?"

Emily rolled her eyes because, for all her linguistic prowess, she could sometimes be rather obtuse about colloquialisms. "So, what are you going to do?" she asked, ignoring the question to get to the meat of the matter.

Alex shrugged, genuinely mystified. This was a situation she felt uniquely unequipped to handle, considering she hadn't dated in well over twenty years.

Seeming to take pity on her, Emily clapped a hand on her shoulder and said sagely, "I say keep seeing her."

"What?" she asked, deadpan.

"You're just looking for a hook up, right?" Emily asked.

She winced. "Well, I... I don't..." She shrugged helplessly once again, truly not knowing what exactly it was she was after.

"Does the cam girl thing bother you?"

"Well, no, but..."

Emily fixed her with a very deliberate stare for several long moments. Then, deadly serious, she said, "If you don't date her, I will."

"What?" A yelp this time.

She said nothing, simply continued staring at her pointedly.

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 20th August ✨

I must admit that I dedicated A LOT of listening hours this week to the new Hozier album (which is incredible omg) but I still had some great audio drama listening!

🌲@hellofromthehallowoods (129) What a fun break from episode convention! I’ve been highly suspicious of Nimbus from the start, and I feel vindicated that he’s not a normal cat as well as relieved that he doesn’t seem to be overtly malicious. I can’t relate to Nikignik’s dislike of felines, but it did really make me chuckle when it was revealed that all indescribables fear cats… Buddy, you can fear something without reviling it! Ough and the look-in on Jackie HURT MY FEELINGS so bad!! I can’t cope with sad dogs 🥺

🦀 @thesiltverses (30) TSV is back, babey!!! The sound design at the start of the episode was phenomenal, I loved the way they weaved music in with the sound effects in such a fluid way (the river sure does rise!) And oh man, Faulkner, you fucking idiot. They know!! They all know!!! It is such a delight to hear some of my favourite VAs doing their amazing work again. Méabh de Brún has absolutely annihilated me already. I’m obsessed with this discovery that the Trawlerman appears to still favour Carpenter while the Caring Maiden seems to slip away the more Carpenter seeks her. I should have started a S3 bingo because I was hoping so badly that Carpenter would join up with Hayward and Paige!! This season is going to be amazing. I’m so ready. 

📻 @monstrousagonies (108) Mab!! The queen returns! I am ever so slightly skeptical that Apocacorp is all bluster . . . I just feel like, even if that is the case, they’re not going away without more of a fight . . . 

🌒 @monkeymanproductions Moonbase Theta, Out (finale part 1) OHHHHH SHIT!!! It’s all kicking off on the moon!!!!! I love Alex’s sweet, sincere hopefulness in: ‘We’ve been through the end of so many things but we’re still here’ 💙 Isn’t that just it! I don’t want to give away the major spoiler because the ep only just dropped but oooohhhh my god! I was wondering if this might happen and wrote the idea off. This changes everything!! 

🎙 Welcome To Night Vale (232) HELL YES. I have been waiting literal YEARS to get into this business with the Desert Otherworld and its impact on my favourite scientist and the impact of both on my favourite community radio show host. My popcorn is ready, let’s get into it!!! 🍿

🤴I finished season one of InCo by @itmeblog! This is micro-scifi at its best and if you’re a fan of extensive single-person casts, InCo does it remarkably!! I'm really looking forward to seeing how the story develops!

🧬 Regina Prime (6) OOF I think this is one of the most intense episodes we’ve had yet! The acting was amazing in this one, Jess pulled out a full Youtuber apology and managed to keep that edge in her voice to give you the prickling sensation that something isn’t quite right. 

 💫 Wolf 359 (48) Ugh what an absolute mind fuck! I’ve been tying myself in knots trying to work out how I would personally react and cope if faced with a scenario where one of my friends is not the person I knew but is otherwise indistinguishable from them. And I just don’t know!

🎩 @ethicstownpod (8) AAH!! Ethics finale!!! This show has been a wild ride from start to finish and WOW what an ending!! I really don’t want to give anything away to people who haven’t listened yet but I’m almost ashamed that I didn’t see this coming and if you haven’t listened to Ethics you really really need to!!! 

🥾@doyoucopypod (6) More questions than answers from this episode of Do You Copy! What does Reese know?! What doesn’t like you listening?? What doesn’t like you listening?!??! 

🐬 More spectacularly odd @patterspod P Files! It’s fun to hear the obvious mistake being made and I’m really looking forward to Ryan facing the consequences of certain actions….

I hope everyone has a lovely week!

[eldritch-blasted-bagels]

Excuse my brain rot and the fact that I was a theatre kid BUT-

What Shakespearean Monologue I Want to See Each BG3 Companion Perform

Wyll

“O Soft, What Light Through Yonder Window Breaks” from Romeo and Juliet

Of course. There is no other option.

This man is a hopeless romantic and, I adore him, would not get the point of the play but would have so much fun playing Romeo.

Everyone in the cast would also be hopelessly in love with him.

(Bonus) “Once More Upon the Breech!” from Henry V

Oh this man would KILL this monologue. The battle cry? The rousing of his men against an impossible task? It’s what he was made to do, it’s what the character was built for.

Equal and opposite to how he’d absolutely slay as Romeo, he would make an amazing Henry.

Karlach

“O, Then I See Queen Mab Hath Been With You” from Romeo and Juliet

I almost, almost gave this to Astarion because I think he could also do it justice, but he already had two monologues.

Just… love u Karlach you can say whatever nonsense and I will nod along. Also absolutely ragging on your friend and getting carried away in the bit feels very in character for her.

I feel like she doesn’t really do acting but she would come support her friend’s productions however she could.

Astarion

“To Be Or Not To Be” from Hamlet

Hear me out; I think it would either be so over dramatic or the best damn rendition you’ve ever heard.

Contemplation of mortality, pain, existence? Astarion is at his best when he’s having an existential crisis.

This man was also just built to play Hamlet. You could replace this with “‘Tis now the very witching hour of night,” “O, that this too too sullied flesh would melt” Or any of his soliloquies and what I said still goes.

(Bonus) “Dost Thou Not Suspect My Place?” from Much Ado About Nothing

This is one of the best comedic monologues Shakespeare has to offer and I won’t be told otherwise

Specifically based on the line of Dogberry describing himself as a tasty piece of flesh while also being Dogberry and flouncing about, being hysterical, because someone called him an ass.

(Bonus 2) (Sorry this man is very Shakespeare coded) He would be such a good Puck in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Just a little shit.

Gale

“O, She Misused Me Past the Endurance of a Block!” From Much Ado About Nothing

Just as I think Astarion was built to play Hamlet, Gale was built to play Benedick.

He’s just enough of an ass but also fucking comedic enough to pull this off and make it hysterical. Like Benedick, he also just keeps talking.

(Bonus) Lear’s Storm Monologues

I think at his worst, Gale could do Lear some fuckin justice in his performance of that specific piece, and that slow descent into madness.

Lae’zel

“I Would Eat His Heart In The Marketplace” from Much Ado About Nothing

It’s a take I’m so here for and I think she’d get really into scolding Benedick for being a dishonorable coward.

Just think about the potential delivery of “Oh! If I were a man! I’d eat his heart in the marketplace!” gives me chills.

I don’t ship Lae’zel and Gale necessarily but I think if you put them in a production of Much Ado together it would be cemented as a bar-standard production.

Shadowheart

“O What a Noble Mind Been O’erthrown” from Hamlet

She kins Ophelia and you can’t tell me otherwise. Also specifically, in this, the context of being used as a pawn by everyone in her life feels appropriate.

(Bonus) Let her play Joan of Arc in Henry VI. I don’t know why she’s so Joan of Arc coded in my brain but let her do it.

Halesin

“All the World’s a Stage” from As You Like It

This one is the one I’m least confident about but the world-weary and worn nature that it can take on feels very Halesin and I think he would do a performance in such a way that it sends you spiraling into an existential crisis.

(Bonus) Minthara

“And Dash’d the Brains Out!” from Macbeth

Again, I just think Minthara would kill as Lady Macbeth.

But, I don’t think “Out damn spot” would be where she shined; I think these moments of absolute murder and ambition would.

Also inspired by the production (in DC I think?) where they had to cut Lady Macbeth literally smashing a baby doll on rocks during this monologue because the audience found it too disturbing.

[iamheretoyell]

AAAA

good morningggg.

working on chap nine of revelations.

absolutely killing me.

I think this series is going to be the most devastating, horrible, soul crushing, diabolical thing I ever work on. LMFAOOOO

If my three round structure works. I sure as shit hope it does. idk dudes I just work here. We'll find out.

That being said... Anyone else hype for a less miserable chapter of Genesis tomorrow?? Nice lil reprieve before things get worse?? (It is not that less miserable, who am I joking)

3:13, seeing someone click on Desolation in the big November of 2024 is insane work. Lowk though, I miss writing abt my nightmares. That and I Wait were both SOOOO cathartic. I gotta start doing that more.

Speaking of, I don't even remember which fic of mine it was that I got jumpscared by a rando desolation ref. It might've actually been POF. But now I wanna go look for it. That is an actual equivalent to finding a needle in a haystack though. Might do it anyways though bc I don't remember but now I'm sooo nosy.

Also chapter 9 is COMING ALONGGGG. QUEEN MAB HAS MADE AN APPEARANCE!

*Genesis spoiler in my next update. There's no context but click the keep reading at your own risk ig

3:23, I went to go double check something on my Genesis doc and it's like every single time I do it I see the chapter title for 37 in my doc tabs and wanna scream. Because sure, it's about Brimmy and Kenny... BUT IT'S ALSO ABOUT KYLE AND BRIMMY... and every time I think about that I get so fucking upset.

[parallelmk]

So it all started when I was born

That's a lie actually this story's beginning predates my birth

So it all started when the one the matters most dark only know as "The Cheese Mab" but a lesser man may know as """Hyness""" fucked up really bad and god gave birth to millions of children. Millions of little ourple hearts everywhere. And one of those was me. But I wasn't ME yet. I was just another fragment of the god the cheese mab called "Void Termina."

I stuck myself in some Meta Knight guy, and made him start hurting people for fun. Something about his dark impulses idk. Kirby and three other guys beat the shit out of me/him, and I was like "What the fuck" and left Meta Knight's body, but I was like "Yo that MK guy was pretty cool" so I decided to cosplay as him for the rest of eternity, and went to Another Dimension and became Parallel Meta Knight

This is how I discovered Meta Knight is trans and I had copied his biological body, so I had to also transition making me also trans. This is also how I discovered Meta Knight has a face that makes me feel dysphoric so I got a mask just like his to cover it

So I was chilling in Another Dimension with this cool spear I found until four assholes threw green bombs at me until my mask broke. So I was like, "who the fuck were those guys" and decided to head down to Parallel McDonalds to relax and grab a bite so I could recover and plot my revenge, and that's when I saw this absolute hunk of a man telling the cashier how four guys threw green bombs at him. The cashier was like "please just order something" but I realized he must have been pestered by the same four guys so we started talking and eventually we went back to his house and plotted our revenge and partook in only the most sfw of acts.

A few weeks later we met a cloud and a tree who, get this, were attacked by the same four guys. We declared ourselves the Otherworldy Four Kings and vowed to take our revenge. We never talked to the tree again

He keeps calling me but I don't answer

So then I found an icy mountain with my face on it, and a big mechanical fortress carved into it. I decided to call it Mt Halberd for no reason in particular and me and my new boyfriend took apart his castle brick by brick to relocate it to Mt Halberd with the help of his Various Guys

Some redheaded bitch named Parallel Susie showed up and tried to buy Mt Halberd off me, and tried to find a bunch of legal loopholes to claim ownership of Mt Halberd, but Another Dimension has no government, so her legal loopholes were meaningless.

Around this time we started hanging out with Parallel Nightmare and Parallel Magolor, except Parallel Susie was friends with those two and also Parallel Nightmare is like... homophobic??? But it's fun to make fun of him so I allow his presence. We decided we needed a name, the coolest of names, so we became... The Trollslayers

But not 2 weeks after this went by until some green guy (unrelated to the green bomb throwing guys) took over the entire dimesnion and said my house was his house. He made us his evil minions and I got really into it and stole candy from babies

But then a red guy who looks just like the green guy showed up and said the green guy wanted to end the universe and I was like "oh shit I did not know that" So we helped the red guy kill the green guy and also a penguin guy apparently unrelated to my boyfriend named King D-Mind

So some time after this I got married to my wonderful boyfriend and life was good, but for no reason in particular, I went to asia where I decided to blow up a whole mountain with Parallel Meta Bombs (because it wasnt as cool as Mt Halberd) but then I discovered super celebrity Morbius was there fighting an evil robot doppelganger

So Morbius and I teamed up but he was a pussy so I had to defeat Metal Morbius by myself. I'm the one who saved the day. This is canon.

I started following the red guy from before and I learned his name was Null Blade. I hosted a tournament around where he hangs out so I could flex on everyone and prove I'm the strongest, but his ass pulled out an ULTRA SWORD and one shotted me. What an asshole!

Then I went to The Cheese Mab's house to steal his stuff because I heard he'd gone MIA and everyone was crashing at his giant space station house, when I heard someone say they wanted a REAL challenge. There was some guy who looks like Null Blade but was orange and had fire, and he was like "No one can beat me" so I beat him and called him a pussy who has never trained in his life. Then the world ended but got better

I met a green and pink guy who looks just like me named Phantom Meta Knight who likes blood and murder and violence and I said we're brothers and he was like "sure." We don't talk much but we get along all right.

Then, get this, the Grand Doomer hired me to be a torture monster for his secret scary monster room, because Red Sphere Doomer was simping for Sectonia, so I tortured him by explaining the plot of Morbius (not unlike what I did just now) and he decided to stop simping

Then I killed him and he became a ghost (but he got better)

I was chilling with the Sphere Doomers because they were fun to hang out with, when WARIO appeared and tried to kill us, and I was doing a good job fighting him, and Null Blade TOTALLY didn't show up and beat Wario with his op Ultra Sword. Anyway turns out Wario swallowed the Master Crown and it was controlling him but we made him cough it up and he destroyed it

Then the Grand Doomer invited Null and I to go to hell with him.

So we went to hell and there was a squid guy who stole the Grand Doomer's power but the Null and I beat him. Null turned into a red blood mist cloud and used the iron in his blood to make knives to attack the squid guy and he told me how to use the Forbidden Heart Spear Move. It's supposed to take four guys to use but I can split into four so I am four guys, so I seal him inside a Jamba Heart and defeat him. But I will admit Null helped. And the Grand Doomer helped but he didn't do anything particularly noteworthy aside from fight

After that the Grand Doomer decided to sleep for 1000 years and left me in charge of the Sphere Doomers but they all hate me and don't listen to me so I left them to do their own thing. But legally I am their boss

Did I mention I met and befriended Fecto Elfilis some time after Grand hired me, well I am now

So they (Elfilis) decided to host a tournament to determine who the STRONGEST META KNIGHT IS and got every Meta Knight from all the dimensions to partake, even guys I've never seen like Morpho Knight and... Brawl Meta Knight? (what's a Brawl?)

Galacta Knight was also there but I can take him (before you ask "in a fight right" the answer is both yes and i can take him in the other way you are thinking of)

So I won the tournament (I PROMISE IM NOT LYING I ACTUALLY WON ASK ELFILIS) and Efilis decided they wanted to fight me too and challenged me as a surprise final round, but I kicked their ass. Having beat both Galacta Knight and Fecto Elfilis, I took their titles as my own. I am the Strongest Warrior In The Galaxy and the Ultimate Lifeform

One of Null's friends hired me to find a person they wanna fight I think but I haven't found them yet (because I'm lazy)

Dr Eggman appeared with his Death Egg to conquer Another Dimension, but The Trollslayers teamed up to defeat him, and I claimed the Death Egg as my own and renamed it the Parallel Meta Egg, but I don't REALLY know how it works, so I begrudgingly gave Parallel Susie joint ownership as long as I can put my face on it and keep the name. We've kind of chilled out ever since then but I still do not like her very much. I just wont go at her unless she goes at me first.

Then I helped my pal Morbius fight Syn Shenron and Dame Da Ne Guy and Kyogre Groudon and Rayquaza were involved and it was a mess

Currently Elfilis is looking for me because they want a rematch, but when I heard that I started hiding to perfect my Secret Weapon to fight them with, because I suspect they have a reason to believe they think they can beat me this time. If they get to have some secret upper hand so do I

If any of you see them, tell them you don't know where I am

[cto10121]

R&J Clown Takes Round ♾️ Part 14

Featuring a lot of recycled clownery, some comments on the recent Jamie Lloyd production, which looks to be a mess of clownery as well, and R&J being such a ~~light-hearted comedy. On nom nom

Tag yourself, I’m “a critic second.”

I like how Clown OP had to act like the Chorus’ very flattering and romantic description of R&J was a literal prophecy. 🤣 Like R&J were some Lord of the Rings-esque fantasy novel.

So “star-crossed lovers” have nothing to do with R&J being destined to fall in love. It literally means “crossed by the stars.” As in, the forces of the universe hate their guts and fucked them over. This idea is repeated with the Friar saying that Death is “enamored” with Romeo’s parts (the French musical as always picked up on that brilliantly) and that he and Juliet are “wedded to calamity.”

You said it, Clown OP! Fuck *checks list* Titanic, Casablanca, Pyramus and Thisbe, The Fault in Our Stars, Brokeback Mountain, Moulin Rouge, The Bridges of Madison County, The Notebook, The English Patient, and all of dem cats. No one on this earth has ever or will ever think of these as love stories!!!!

“The families weren’t paying attention—” The Capulets tried to marry Juliet off because she “wept immoderately” for Tybalt’s death. Because she felt sad for the death of her own cousin. Before that they kept Juliet under almost constant supervision, and Juliet herself is called for at least three times.

The only accusation of neglect that may ring true is the Montagues, who are so hands-off they have to get freakin’ Benvolio, their own nephew, to find out about their own son. Even so, they seem much nicer than the Capulets. Lady M died of heartbreak over Romeo’s banishment and even in his madness Romeo made sure to let his parents know via letter of his intentions.

“R&J Is A Comedy!!1!!1” Round ♾️

So this is what happens in the “light-hearted” first half of the play before Mercutio’s and Tybalt’s deaths that these clowns insist is a comedy:

Sampson and Gregory joke about killing and raping Montague women

Tybalt threatens to murder Benvolio and attacks him

The Prince threatens to execute anyone who disturbs the peace again

Romeo talks about how Rosaline has sworn never to have sex and what an awful waste it is that she won’t open her legs to that sweet golden cum 😔

Capulet thinks Juliet is too young for marriage, but Paris cheerfully says that younger girls than she is (13-14) are already “happy mothers” 🤢

Lady Capulet tells Juliet that she was around her age (13-14) when she had Juliet—so that makes it a-OK to get her married!

The Nurse reminisces fondly about the time her husband joked about two-year-old Juliet having sex eventually when she gets smarter. Not older. Smarter. 🤮Oh, and she also casually drops the fact that the Capulets left Juliet with the Nurse and said husband while they were in Mantua doing fuck knows what

Mercutio’s fantastical Queen Mab speech becomes dark really quickly as he talks about raping virgins

Romeo has a presentiment of his untimely demise…which eventually comes true

Juliet worries that their love will be “like lightning”—here and gone before you know it

The Nurse believes Paris is hotter/better than Romeo for Juliet, which makes Juliet mad, foreshadowing their rupture

The Friar gives a dark warning in his famous “These violent delights” speech about the longevity of too-swift love

I think it’s obvious that there are attempts by Shakespeare to 1) satirize the feud and violent Veronian society and its gender roles and 2) foreshadow Romeo and Juliet’s death and set up the tragedy re: the Nurse’s betrayal of Juliet.

Just because a tragedy isn’t all doom and woe for 2 hours doesn’t mean it isn’t a tragedy. There is the danger, yes, of a production being 100% intense 100% of time; the dark comedy/satire is very much necessary from a thematic standpoint. I reckon that was the fault of this Jamie Lloyd one. But I read this shit when I was 10 and Mercutio’s and Tybalt’s deaths didn’t surprise me at ALL. It was an “oh shit” moment, sure. But I definitely understood why it occurred and I was not surprised. A good R&J production should have that same feeling.

[okcoolthanks]

WHY

I LOOK UP AND THERES A BIG ASS SPIDER RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD ON YHE CELIKIJG FUCK OFF MAN

[autismmydearwatson]

My plans for a Romeo and Juliet adaptation by me<3

The two families are crime families of the Italian mafia

It's the 1930s

They still talk in Shakespearean. Baz Luhrman that shit

The cause of the "ancient grudge" is heavily alluded to by older characters but never explained like Avengers Budapest

There's a scene after the banquet and before the balcony in which the lovers even ask peers and adults about the cause

But they all tell different versions

"They got divorced" -Mercutio

"The Montagues met our offer of alliance by stealing our money" -Nurse

"The Capulets spit in Don Montagues tea" -Benvolio

Instead of lecturing Romeo about Queen Mab, Mercutio goes on a tangent about Goncharov

Mercutio is crushing on Romeo

Tybalt is secretly a furry and only Juliet knows (guess what his fursona is. Guess)

"Do you fucking bite your thumb at us, bitch?"

When Romeo enters he's listening to West Side Story, eyeliner running down his face

Rosaline is a 30 year old woman who pities the 16 year old with a hopeless crush on her

Benvolio and Mercutio are Romeos bodyguards

Romeo is a femme tboy

Juliet is trans too

They're both pre-T and not out to their families yet.

This leads to Nurse telling Juliet Romeos deadname and not his chosen name, and vice versa with Nurse introducing Juliet to Romeo by her deadname. So for much of act 1 they don't know each other's real names

Which leads to Juliet: "wherefore art thou (deadname)? Deny thy father and refuse thy name" "tis but thy name that is my enemy". Romeo, hidden: "oh boy have I got news for her!"

Much of the balcony scene is them telling each other their chosen names, feeling seen for the first time by another

Only Tybalt knows about Juliets transition

Mercutio, Benvolio, and Romeos excursion into the party is actually Benvolios bright ide a to scam the Capulets out of their money

Until Romeo sees a pretty girl and almost blows the entire plan

In Mercutios speeches to Romeo ("be rough with love" "now art thou social" etc) he is applying Romeos lip gloss for him.

Bear with me

Everyone in the cast is dressed in dark tones in black except for the two leads in deep scarlet.

As Mercutio lays dying, he delivers the line "A plague on both your houses" as he smears his own blood on Romeos lips with his hand. As if applying lip gloss.

The friar and the prince are played by the same actor.

The "gallop apace" soliloquy is spoken alternately by both Romeo and Juliet

It is Benvolio who gives Romeo the poison

Romeo does NOT lay Paris in Juliets tomb as he requests.

After Romeo takes the poison and dies, an entire musical refrain plays, at the end of which Juliet finally awakens, and the music abruptly stops. Leaving the stage entirely silent as she screams in despair.

The families, ashamed by the tragedy, bury the lovers in modest graves. The play ends with Benvolio, alone, to deliver the final speech with two bags of money in his hand that he burns over their graves