#fuck this shit mab

[yourstrullyme]

fucking hate being bi cause even the bi girls i talk to end up hooking up with my male friends not me :)))

[angeltism]

seriously what the flip man why is Every Single Person I Know (not really but sh) finding love except for Me . I'm no worse than anyone else I know , I think . So like . What is it about me that is just so undesirable

[okcoolthanks]

HE DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING

FUCKING DAVE

[chuuyaspinkmotorcycle16]

Day 19: Phantom Thief AU

“That bastard!” Chuuya yells, heart beating out of his chest. 

It’s the fourth time this week he’s been /so close/ to getting that shitty thief. It’s also the fourth time this week he’s been jumpscared by that shitty thief, too.

“What was it this time, Chuuya-san?” Akutagawa asks as he comes up behind Chuuya, peering around his shoulder.

There, on the ground, lie fake spiders scattered around from falling out of a bucket when the door was opened.

Akutagawa had come rushing when he heard the bucket fall followed by an — admittedly — high pitch scream.

“That slimy piece of shit fucking boobytrapped the place,” Chuuya says, exasperated, as he gestures at the crime scene. His other hand is clutched to his vest.

“And you’re positive it was him?” Akutagawa cautiously double-checks. He trusts his superior, really, but it’s been weeks of searching for this mysterious man and they’ve yet to uncover a real lead.

“I’m positive,” Chuuya grumbles. “There’s only one person who would have the guts to challenge me. Me, Akutagawa!”

All Akutagawa can do is sigh. Chuuya’s a world-renowned detective, and Akutagawa’s been fortunate enough to have him as a mentor.

But in having the pleasure of this experience, he’s also come to realize that Chuuya can be a bit… stubborn, to put it lightly.

Once the redhead sets his mind on his target, it’s hard to convince him otherwise.

Their target for the past month has been none other than Dazai Osamu, a world-class actor who came from nowhere and who has never publicly done anything wrong.

His background’s a tad bit shady but there’s no evidence to go along with it so Akutagawa ruled him out early on in this man-search.

Akutagawa doesn’t believe he could be the one stealing jewels from famous museums such as the one they’re in now. After all, why would a rich actor need even more money? If he was that desperate, he could just buy the whole museum.

They scout the place some more, with no more boobytraps to be found, and wrap up their work. The ride back to their office is filled with Chuuya’s complaints and curses at the man.

With no new information on the case, they’re forced to retire early for the night, though Akutagawa doesn’t doubt that Chuuya will attempt an all-nighter whether he’s in the office or at his apartment.

The next day finds them at yet another jewel museum in the next town over. This time a sapphire was taken, just like all of their other cases.

They’ve expanded their search to the furthest it could be, even checking the roof for anything suspicious.

“Greedy blue-obsessed freak,” Chuuya grumbles, retracing their steps. There’s no hints or traces to how their thief even managed to steal the gem without the alarms going off.

Akutagawa hasn’t spotted anything of note either. They split up a little bit ago, now on opposite sides of the main room to double check the entrances/exits. Akutagawa’s beyond stumped.

Behind him across the room, he hears Chuuya shove something aside and then–

“Motherfucker!”

As to be expected.

There’s a ruckus, followed by a bang against the wall, so Akutagawa turns around.

Pinned against the wall is a man in gray, caught in Chuuya’s grasp, though he doesn’t appear to be struggling.

Akutagawa makes his way towards the two, trying to figure out who their thief is. Beside the pair, a large case holder to display jewelry has been shoved aside, and Akutagawa can see a crevice behind it, similar to the space underneath a desk.

“Got you, faker.” Chuuya grins, pushing further against their perpetrator. And with that, he reaches a hand forward to yank off the mab’s bedazzled mask.

Akutagawa’s jaw drops.

“I knew it was you,” Chuuya says, sounding feral with pride.

There, in his grasp, is one Dazai Osamu, world-class actor and apparent thief.

“Hmm,” Dazai hums. From his coat pocket, he drags out something, holding it up to Chuuya’s face as he squints. “Mm, not quite the same. Boo~”

Akutagawa knows he should probably do something, like get his handcuffs out to help Chuuya, but all he can do is ask, “Not quite the same what?”

Dazai glances over at him, only just now seeming to notice him. “The chibi’s eyes, of course!”

Akutagawa’s even more confused now. Does Chuuya know him? “Why do you need a gem that matches Chuuya-san’s eyes?”

“For our weddi–” Dazai starts, only to have Chuuya’s hand slapped over his mouth.

“Bastard,” Chuuya murmurs. Behind them, the screech of another case holder sounds.

Out from under it, a white-haired boy crawls out. “Dazai-san, can we be done here? It’s hot.” He complains.

Upon noticing Akutagawa’s glance, he merely leans against the wall nearest him, as if waiting for whatever is happening to be done.

“It’s okay, Atsushi-kun! Chuuya has water in the car,” Dazai shouts.

“You could have just asked these places nicely, bastard,” Chuuya says. “You know they would’ve just let you borrow them under the guise of ‘scenes.’”

“But where’s the fun in that?” Dazai whines, deflating in Chuuya’s arms as he throws himself around the detective.

Chuuya sighs, “And where have you been keeping them?”

“Ranpo owed me a favor~”

Chuuya only scoffs, arms wrapped around the actor. “I’m too tired for this. Whatever, just put the gem back and let’s get out of here. We can return the rest tomorrow.”

“Wh– but Chuuya-san, don’t we have to take him in?” Akutagawa asks. It’s their sworn job, after all.

“I’ll talk to Fukuzawa-san about this,” Chuuya says. “He’ll understand. Probably.”

And with that, Chuuya unwraps himself from Dazai, earning whines as he forces Dazai to return the gem to its case.

Akutagawa’s still trying to wrap his mind around everything that just happened, missing how Dazai gets it back in there without damaging or removing the glass.

He can only follow after Dazai and Chuuya as they head out, him and Atsushi following along. Beside him, he hears Atsushi scoff when the two in front of them intertwine their hands.

Akutagawa doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to take this job seriously.

[arwenlalaith]

Dating App Mishaps (Ch. 9)

Ship: Alex Blake/Reader

Summary: Alex didn't have Tinder by choice...but that doesn't mean it isn't going to come in handy.

Word Count: 1040

When Alex arrived home from the case, she felt – physically and emotionally – like she'd been hit by a truck. Not to mention beyond sexually frustrated... (The previous night's masturbation had only made things worse, somehow.)

She would have loved nothing more than to fuck you into oblivion as a form of stress release, had been imagining it the entire jet ride back to DC...but you had yet to respond to her text message asking whether you were free.

Emily's words were echoing in the back of her mind. Afterall, Emily had been doing this work for a long time, she obviously knew what she was talking about when it came to keeping the frustration at bay, so maybe it was worth looking into the whole cam girl thing. Right?

Besides, she could just look... She could just see what the whole thing was all about, she could stop at any point. It didn't have to mean anything.

Right?

She opened her laptop and started up the web browser, which immediately flashed to the page Emily had opened. She spent a few moments staring dumbly at the page, trying to decide what to do next. Which girl did she choose? She had no idea how to even begin the selection process...

So, she did the only thing she could think of and selected at random – a girl going by the name Queen Mab.

For a few moments, as the page loaded, she chewed her lip. Anxiety roiled in her stomach like a pit of snakes in some kind of quantum entanglement moment of Schrodinger's duality.

The next thing Alex was aware of, a husky voice purred, "Well, well, well...we have a new friend joining us. Everyone welcome Peitho to the Seelie Realm..."

She looked up sharply, gaze snapping to the screen at the familiar voice.

It couldn't be...

But sure enough, it was.

For several long moments, she froze, mind struggling to comprehend the situation at hand. Then, just as quickly as she'd frozen, she returned to life, snapping the laptop lid shut and pushing it away from her like it had personally wronged her.

She stood, running her fingers through her hair as she exhaled heavily. Her first thought was that she needed to get her mind off, well...everything. She needed a distraction.

Twenty minutes later, she'd vacuumed her entire apartment...but she'd spent the entire time thinking about what she'd inadvertently stumbled across. She was seriously debating opening up the laptop and double checking that it was, indeed, what she'd thought...

But before she could, there was a knock on her front door and she silently thanked a God she didn't believe in for the new distraction. When she flung the door open, however, it was to find Emily leaning against the doorframe with a pointed expression. "Care to explain why you're vacuuming at eleven at night?" she asked.

(The divorce decree had stated that she and James were to sell the house and split the money from the sale, which had meant Alex needed to find a new place to live. Thankfully, Emily's neighbour happened to be selling his place just then.)

Alex winced, having forgotten just how paper thin the walls were. "Sorry," she said with a wince, standing back to allow Emily into the apartment. "Wine?" she asked (and briefly wondered why she hadn't thought to pour herself a glass earlier).

"Do you really have to ask?" Emily said, moving to the kitchen in search of wine glasses without being asked. Once Alex had poured them both a glass of wine and was in the midst of a greedy sip, Emily rather suddenly declared, "You're hiding something."

Choking on the liquid, Alex spent the next several moments coughing and sputtering which, fortunately, bought her some time to think of a reply. Unfortunately, the best she could come up with – caught off guard as she was – was, "I don't know what you mean."

Emily gave a snort of amusement. "You're a shit liar, you know that, right?"

Alex blinked a few times, stunned by Emily's almost superhuman ability to know things. "I don't... I wasn't..." she stammered.

Emily laughed at her consternation. "Let me guess: curiosity got the best of you and you decided to check out the cam girls afterall and now the compulsory heterosexuality is combining with religious guilt to form a cloud of shame over your head..."

She felt her face flush bright red, giving away far more than she cared to. Logically, she knew that there was nothing to feel guilty over – afterall, these girls were all legal and they were earning money – but knowing it and believing it were two very different things. "What would you do if you found someone you knew on the cam girl site?" she asked before she even knew she was going to speak.

A brow arching up her forehead, unable to contain her curiosity, Emily asked, "Who did you see?" Alex shook her head once, twice. Emily scrutinized her for a few moments. "It was your situationship girl, wasn't it?"

"My what?"

Emily rolled her eyes because, for all her linguistic prowess, she could sometimes be rather obtuse about colloquialisms. "So, what are you going to do?" she asked, ignoring the question to get to the meat of the matter.

Alex shrugged, genuinely mystified. This was a situation she felt uniquely unequipped to handle, considering she hadn't dated in well over twenty years.

Seeming to take pity on her, Emily clapped a hand on her shoulder and said sagely, "I say keep seeing her."

"What?" she asked, deadpan.

"You're just looking for a hook up, right?" Emily asked.

She winced. "Well, I... I don't..." She shrugged helplessly once again, truly not knowing what exactly it was she was after.

"Does the cam girl thing bother you?"

"Well, no, but..."

Emily fixed her with a very deliberate stare for several long moments. Then, deadly serious, she said, "If you don't date her, I will."

"What?" A yelp this time.

She said nothing, simply continued staring at her pointedly.

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 20th August ✨

I must admit that I dedicated A LOT of listening hours this week to the new Hozier album (which is incredible omg) but I still had some great audio drama listening!

🌲@hellofromthehallowoods (129) What a fun break from episode convention! I’ve been highly suspicious of Nimbus from the start, and I feel vindicated that he’s not a normal cat as well as relieved that he doesn’t seem to be overtly malicious. I can’t relate to Nikignik’s dislike of felines, but it did really make me chuckle when it was revealed that all indescribables fear cats… Buddy, you can fear something without reviling it! Ough and the look-in on Jackie HURT MY FEELINGS so bad!! I can’t cope with sad dogs 🥺

🦀 @thesiltverses (30) TSV is back, babey!!! The sound design at the start of the episode was phenomenal, I loved the way they weaved music in with the sound effects in such a fluid way (the river sure does rise!) And oh man, Faulkner, you fucking idiot. They know!! They all know!!! It is such a delight to hear some of my favourite VAs doing their amazing work again. Méabh de Brún has absolutely annihilated me already. I’m obsessed with this discovery that the Trawlerman appears to still favour Carpenter while the Caring Maiden seems to slip away the more Carpenter seeks her. I should have started a S3 bingo because I was hoping so badly that Carpenter would join up with Hayward and Paige!! This season is going to be amazing. I’m so ready. 

📻 @monstrousagonies (108) Mab!! The queen returns! I am ever so slightly skeptical that Apocacorp is all bluster . . . I just feel like, even if that is the case, they’re not going away without more of a fight . . . 

🌒 @monkeymanproductions Moonbase Theta, Out (finale part 1) OHHHHH SHIT!!! It’s all kicking off on the moon!!!!! I love Alex’s sweet, sincere hopefulness in: ‘We’ve been through the end of so many things but we’re still here’ 💙 Isn’t that just it! I don’t want to give away the major spoiler because the ep only just dropped but oooohhhh my god! I was wondering if this might happen and wrote the idea off. This changes everything!! 

🎙 Welcome To Night Vale (232) HELL YES. I have been waiting literal YEARS to get into this business with the Desert Otherworld and its impact on my favourite scientist and the impact of both on my favourite community radio show host. My popcorn is ready, let’s get into it!!! 🍿

🤴I finished season one of InCo by @itmeblog! This is micro-scifi at its best and if you’re a fan of extensive single-person casts, InCo does it remarkably!! I'm really looking forward to seeing how the story develops!

🧬 Regina Prime (6) OOF I think this is one of the most intense episodes we’ve had yet! The acting was amazing in this one, Jess pulled out a full Youtuber apology and managed to keep that edge in her voice to give you the prickling sensation that something isn’t quite right. 

 💫 Wolf 359 (48) Ugh what an absolute mind fuck! I’ve been tying myself in knots trying to work out how I would personally react and cope if faced with a scenario where one of my friends is not the person I knew but is otherwise indistinguishable from them. And I just don’t know!

🎩 @ethicstownpod (8) AAH!! Ethics finale!!! This show has been a wild ride from start to finish and WOW what an ending!! I really don’t want to give anything away to people who haven’t listened yet but I’m almost ashamed that I didn’t see this coming and if you haven’t listened to Ethics you really really need to!!! 

🥾@doyoucopypod (6) More questions than answers from this episode of Do You Copy! What does Reese know?! What doesn’t like you listening?? What doesn’t like you listening?!??! 

🐬 More spectacularly odd @patterspod P Files! It’s fun to hear the obvious mistake being made and I’m really looking forward to Ryan facing the consequences of certain actions….

I hope everyone has a lovely week!

[eldritch-blasted-bagels]

Excuse my brain rot and the fact that I was a theatre kid BUT-

What Shakespearean Monologue I Want to See Each BG3 Companion Perform

Wyll

“O Soft, What Light Through Yonder Window Breaks” from Romeo and Juliet

Of course. There is no other option.

This man is a hopeless romantic and, I adore him, would not get the point of the play but would have so much fun playing Romeo.

Everyone in the cast would also be hopelessly in love with him.

(Bonus) “Once More Upon the Breech!” from Henry V

Oh this man would KILL this monologue. The battle cry? The rousing of his men against an impossible task? It’s what he was made to do, it’s what the character was built for.

Equal and opposite to how he’d absolutely slay as Romeo, he would make an amazing Henry.

Karlach

“O, Then I See Queen Mab Hath Been With You” from Romeo and Juliet

I almost, almost gave this to Astarion because I think he could also do it justice, but he already had two monologues.

Just… love u Karlach you can say whatever nonsense and I will nod along. Also absolutely ragging on your friend and getting carried away in the bit feels very in character for her.

I feel like she doesn’t really do acting but she would come support her friend’s productions however she could.

Astarion

“To Be Or Not To Be” from Hamlet

Hear me out; I think it would either be so over dramatic or the best damn rendition you’ve ever heard.

Contemplation of mortality, pain, existence? Astarion is at his best when he’s having an existential crisis.

This man was also just built to play Hamlet. You could replace this with “‘Tis now the very witching hour of night,” “O, that this too too sullied flesh would melt” Or any of his soliloquies and what I said still goes.

(Bonus) “Dost Thou Not Suspect My Place?” from Much Ado About Nothing

This is one of the best comedic monologues Shakespeare has to offer and I won’t be told otherwise

Specifically based on the line of Dogberry describing himself as a tasty piece of flesh while also being Dogberry and flouncing about, being hysterical, because someone called him an ass.

(Bonus 2) (Sorry this man is very Shakespeare coded) He would be such a good Puck in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Just a little shit.

Gale

“O, She Misused Me Past the Endurance of a Block!” From Much Ado About Nothing

Just as I think Astarion was built to play Hamlet, Gale was built to play Benedick.

He’s just enough of an ass but also fucking comedic enough to pull this off and make it hysterical. Like Benedick, he also just keeps talking.

(Bonus) Lear’s Storm Monologues

I think at his worst, Gale could do Lear some fuckin justice in his performance of that specific piece, and that slow descent into madness.

Lae’zel

“I Would Eat His Heart In The Marketplace” from Much Ado About Nothing

It’s a take I’m so here for and I think she’d get really into scolding Benedick for being a dishonorable coward.

Just think about the potential delivery of “Oh! If I were a man! I’d eat his heart in the marketplace!” gives me chills.

I don’t ship Lae’zel and Gale necessarily but I think if you put them in a production of Much Ado together it would be cemented as a bar-standard production.

Shadowheart

“O What a Noble Mind Been O’erthrown” from Hamlet

She kins Ophelia and you can’t tell me otherwise. Also specifically, in this, the context of being used as a pawn by everyone in her life feels appropriate.

(Bonus) Let her play Joan of Arc in Henry VI. I don’t know why she’s so Joan of Arc coded in my brain but let her do it.

Halesin

“All the World’s a Stage” from As You Like It

This one is the one I’m least confident about but the world-weary and worn nature that it can take on feels very Halesin and I think he would do a performance in such a way that it sends you spiraling into an existential crisis.

(Bonus) Minthara

“And Dash’d the Brains Out!” from Macbeth

Again, I just think Minthara would kill as Lady Macbeth.

But, I don’t think “Out damn spot” would be where she shined; I think these moments of absolute murder and ambition would.

Also inspired by the production (in DC I think?) where they had to cut Lady Macbeth literally smashing a baby doll on rocks during this monologue because the audience found it too disturbing.

[parallelmk]

So it all started when I was born

That's a lie actually this story's beginning predates my birth

So it all started when the one the matters most dark only know as "The Cheese Mab" but a lesser man may know as """Hyness""" fucked up really bad and god gave birth to millions of children. Millions of little ourple hearts everywhere. And one of those was me. But I wasn't ME yet. I was just another fragment of the god the cheese mab called "Void Termina."

I stuck myself in some Meta Knight guy, and made him start hurting people for fun. Something about his dark impulses idk. Kirby and three other guys beat the shit out of me/him, and I was like "What the fuck" and left Meta Knight's body, but I was like "Yo that MK guy was pretty cool" so I decided to cosplay as him for the rest of eternity, and went to Another Dimension and became Parallel Meta Knight

This is how I discovered Meta Knight is trans and I had copied his biological body, so I had to also transition making me also trans. This is also how I discovered Meta Knight has a face that makes me feel dysphoric so I got a mask just like his to cover it

So I was chilling in Another Dimension with this cool spear I found until four assholes threw green bombs at me until my mask broke. So I was like, "who the fuck were those guys" and decided to head down to Parallel McDonalds to relax and grab a bite so I could recover and plot my revenge, and that's when I saw this absolute hunk of a man telling the cashier how four guys threw green bombs at him. The cashier was like "please just order something" but I realized he must have been pestered by the same four guys so we started talking and eventually we went back to his house and plotted our revenge and partook in only the most sfw of acts.

A few weeks later we met a cloud and a tree who, get this, were attacked by the same four guys. We declared ourselves the Otherworldy Four Kings and vowed to take our revenge. We never talked to the tree again

He keeps calling me but I don't answer

So then I found an icy mountain with my face on it, and a big mechanical fortress carved into it. I decided to call it Mt Halberd for no reason in particular and me and my new boyfriend took apart his castle brick by brick to relocate it to Mt Halberd with the help of his Various Guys

Some redheaded bitch named Parallel Susie showed up and tried to buy Mt Halberd off me, and tried to find a bunch of legal loopholes to claim ownership of Mt Halberd, but Another Dimension has no government, so her legal loopholes were meaningless.

Around this time we started hanging out with Parallel Nightmare and Parallel Magolor, except Parallel Susie was friends with those two and also Parallel Nightmare is like... homophobic??? But it's fun to make fun of him so I allow his presence. We decided we needed a name, the coolest of names, so we became... The Trollslayers

But not 2 weeks after this went by until some green guy (unrelated to the green bomb throwing guys) took over the entire dimesnion and said my house was his house. He made us his evil minions and I got really into it and stole candy from babies

But then a red guy who looks just like the green guy showed up and said the green guy wanted to end the universe and I was like "oh shit I did not know that" So we helped the red guy kill the green guy and also a penguin guy apparently unrelated to my boyfriend named King D-Mind

So some time after this I got married to my wonderful boyfriend and life was good, but for no reason in particular, I went to asia where I decided to blow up a whole mountain with Parallel Meta Bombs (because it wasnt as cool as Mt Halberd) but then I discovered super celebrity Morbius was there fighting an evil robot doppelganger

So Morbius and I teamed up but he was a pussy so I had to defeat Metal Morbius by myself. I'm the one who saved the day. This is canon.

I started following the red guy from before and I learned his name was Null Blade. I hosted a tournament around where he hangs out so I could flex on everyone and prove I'm the strongest, but his ass pulled out an ULTRA SWORD and one shotted me. What an asshole!

Then I went to The Cheese Mab's house to steal his stuff because I heard he'd gone MIA and everyone was crashing at his giant space station house, when I heard someone say they wanted a REAL challenge. There was some guy who looks like Null Blade but was orange and had fire, and he was like "No one can beat me" so I beat him and called him a pussy who has never trained in his life. Then the world ended but got better

I met a green and pink guy who looks just like me named Phantom Meta Knight who likes blood and murder and violence and I said we're brothers and he was like "sure." We don't talk much but we get along all right.

Then, get this, the Grand Doomer hired me to be a torture monster for his secret scary monster room, because Red Sphere Doomer was simping for Sectonia, so I tortured him by explaining the plot of Morbius (not unlike what I did just now) and he decided to stop simping

Then I killed him and he became a ghost (but he got better)

I was chilling with the Sphere Doomers because they were fun to hang out with, when WARIO appeared and tried to kill us, and I was doing a good job fighting him, and Null Blade TOTALLY didn't show up and beat Wario with his op Ultra Sword. Anyway turns out Wario swallowed the Master Crown and it was controlling him but we made him cough it up and he destroyed it

Then the Grand Doomer invited Null and I to go to hell with him.

So we went to hell and there was a squid guy who stole the Grand Doomer's power but the Null and I beat him. Null turned into a red blood mist cloud and used the iron in his blood to make knives to attack the squid guy and he told me how to use the Forbidden Heart Spear Move. It's supposed to take four guys to use but I can split into four so I am four guys, so I seal him inside a Jamba Heart and defeat him. But I will admit Null helped. And the Grand Doomer helped but he didn't do anything particularly noteworthy aside from fight

After that the Grand Doomer decided to sleep for 1000 years and left me in charge of the Sphere Doomers but they all hate me and don't listen to me so I left them to do their own thing. But legally I am their boss

Did I mention I met and befriended Fecto Elfilis some time after Grand hired me, well I am now

So they (Elfilis) decided to host a tournament to determine who the STRONGEST META KNIGHT IS and got every Meta Knight from all the dimensions to partake, even guys I've never seen like Morpho Knight and... Brawl Meta Knight? (what's a Brawl?)

Galacta Knight was also there but I can take him (before you ask "in a fight right" the answer is both yes and i can take him in the other way you are thinking of)

So I won the tournament (I PROMISE IM NOT LYING I ACTUALLY WON ASK ELFILIS) and Efilis decided they wanted to fight me too and challenged me as a surprise final round, but I kicked their ass. Having beat both Galacta Knight and Fecto Elfilis, I took their titles as my own. I am the Strongest Warrior In The Galaxy and the Ultimate Lifeform

One of Null's friends hired me to find a person they wanna fight I think but I haven't found them yet (because I'm lazy)

Dr Eggman appeared with his Death Egg to conquer Another Dimension, but The Trollslayers teamed up to defeat him, and I claimed the Death Egg as my own and renamed it the Parallel Meta Egg, but I don't REALLY know how it works, so I begrudgingly gave Parallel Susie joint ownership as long as I can put my face on it and keep the name. We've kind of chilled out ever since then but I still do not like her very much. I just wont go at her unless she goes at me first.

Then I helped my pal Morbius fight Syn Shenron and Dame Da Ne Guy and Kyogre Groudon and Rayquaza were involved and it was a mess

Currently Elfilis is looking for me because they want a rematch, but when I heard that I started hiding to perfect my Secret Weapon to fight them with, because I suspect they have a reason to believe they think they can beat me this time. If they get to have some secret upper hand so do I

If any of you see them, tell them you don't know where I am

[cto10121]

R&J Clown Takes Round ♾️ Part 14

Featuring a lot of recycled clownery, some comments on the recent Jamie Lloyd production, which looks to be a mess of clownery as well, and R&J being such a ~~light-hearted comedy. On nom nom

Tag yourself, I’m “a critic second.”

I like how Clown OP had to act like the Chorus’ very flattering and romantic description of R&J was a literal prophecy. 🤣 Like R&J were some Lord of the Rings-esque fantasy novel.

So “star-crossed lovers” have nothing to do with R&J being destined to fall in love. It literally means “crossed by the stars.” As in, the forces of the universe hate their guts and fucked them over. This idea is repeated with the Friar saying that Death is “enamored” with Romeo’s parts (the French musical as always picked up on that brilliantly) and that he and Juliet are “wedded to calamity.”

You said it, Clown OP! Fuck *checks list* Titanic, Casablanca, Pyramus and Thisbe, The Fault in Our Stars, Brokeback Mountain, Moulin Rouge, The Bridges of Madison County, The Notebook, The English Patient, and all of dem cats. No one on this earth has ever or will ever think of these as love stories!!!!

“The families weren’t paying attention—” The Capulets tried to marry Juliet off because she “wept immoderately” for Tybalt’s death. Because she felt sad for the death of her own cousin. Before that they kept Juliet under almost constant supervision, and Juliet herself is called for at least three times.

The only accusation of neglect that may ring true is the Montagues, who are so hands-off they have to get freakin’ Benvolio, their own nephew, to find out about their own son. Even so, they seem much nicer than the Capulets. Lady M died of heartbreak over Romeo’s banishment and even in his madness Romeo made sure to let his parents know via letter of his intentions.

“R&J Is A Comedy!!1!!1” Round ♾️

So this is what happens in the “light-hearted” first half of the play before Mercutio’s and Tybalt’s deaths that these clowns insist is a comedy:

Sampson and Gregory joke about killing and raping Montague women

Tybalt threatens to murder Benvolio and attacks him

The Prince threatens to execute anyone who disturbs the peace again

Romeo talks about how Rosaline has sworn never to have sex and what an awful waste it is that she won’t open her legs to that sweet golden cum 😔

Capulet thinks Juliet is too young for marriage, but Paris cheerfully says that younger girls than she is (13-14) are already “happy mothers” 🤢

Lady Capulet tells Juliet that she was around her age (13-14) when she had Juliet—so that makes it a-OK to get her married!

The Nurse reminisces fondly about the time her husband joked about two-year-old Juliet having sex eventually when she gets smarter. Not older. Smarter. 🤮Oh, and she also casually drops the fact that the Capulets left Juliet with the Nurse and said husband while they were in Mantua doing fuck knows what

Mercutio’s fantastical Queen Mab speech becomes dark really quickly as he talks about raping virgins

Romeo has a presentiment of his untimely demise…which eventually comes true

Juliet worries that their love will be “like lightning”—here and gone before you know it

The Nurse believes Paris is hotter/better than Romeo for Juliet, which makes Juliet mad, foreshadowing their rupture

The Friar gives a dark warning in his famous “These violent delights” speech about the longevity of too-swift love

I think it’s obvious that there are attempts by Shakespeare to 1) satirize the feud and violent Veronian society and its gender roles and 2) foreshadow Romeo and Juliet’s death and set up the tragedy re: the Nurse’s betrayal of Juliet.

Just because a tragedy isn’t all doom and woe for 2 hours doesn’t mean it isn’t a tragedy. There is the danger, yes, of a production being 100% intense 100% of time; the dark comedy/satire is very much necessary from a thematic standpoint. I reckon that was the fault of this Jamie Lloyd one. But I read this shit when I was 10 and Mercutio’s and Tybalt’s deaths didn’t surprise me at ALL. It was an “oh shit” moment, sure. But I definitely understood why it occurred and I was not surprised. A good R&J production should have that same feeling.

[autismmydearwatson]

My plans for a Romeo and Juliet adaptation by me<3

The two families are crime families of the Italian mafia

It's the 1930s

They still talk in Shakespearean. Baz Luhrman that shit

The cause of the "ancient grudge" is heavily alluded to by older characters but never explained like Avengers Budapest

There's a scene after the banquet and before the balcony in which the lovers even ask peers and adults about the cause

But they all tell different versions

"They got divorced" -Mercutio

"The Montagues met our offer of alliance by stealing our money" -Nurse

"The Capulets spit in Don Montagues tea" -Benvolio

Instead of lecturing Romeo about Queen Mab, Mercutio goes on a tangent about Goncharov

Mercutio is crushing on Romeo

Tybalt is secretly a furry and only Juliet knows (guess what his fursona is. Guess)

"Do you fucking bite your thumb at us, bitch?"

When Romeo enters he's listening to West Side Story, eyeliner running down his face

Rosaline is a 30 year old woman who pities the 16 year old with a hopeless crush on her

Benvolio and Mercutio are Romeos bodyguards

Romeo is a femme tboy

Juliet is trans too

They're both pre-T and not out to their families yet.

This leads to Nurse telling Juliet Romeos deadname and not his chosen name, and vice versa with Nurse introducing Juliet to Romeo by her deadname. So for much of act 1 they don't know each other's real names

Which leads to Juliet: "wherefore art thou (deadname)? Deny thy father and refuse thy name" "tis but thy name that is my enemy". Romeo, hidden: "oh boy have I got news for her!"

Much of the balcony scene is them telling each other their chosen names, feeling seen for the first time by another

Only Tybalt knows about Juliets transition

Mercutio, Benvolio, and Romeos excursion into the party is actually Benvolios bright ide a to scam the Capulets out of their money

Until Romeo sees a pretty girl and almost blows the entire plan

In Mercutios speeches to Romeo ("be rough with love" "now art thou social" etc) he is applying Romeos lip gloss for him.

Bear with me

Everyone in the cast is dressed in dark tones in black except for the two leads in deep scarlet.

As Mercutio lays dying, he delivers the line "A plague on both your houses" as he smears his own blood on Romeos lips with his hand. As if applying lip gloss.

The friar and the prince are played by the same actor.

The "gallop apace" soliloquy is spoken alternately by both Romeo and Juliet

It is Benvolio who gives Romeo the poison

Romeo does NOT lay Paris in Juliets tomb as he requests.

After Romeo takes the poison and dies, an entire musical refrain plays, at the end of which Juliet finally awakens, and the music abruptly stops. Leaving the stage entirely silent as she screams in despair.

The families, ashamed by the tragedy, bury the lovers in modest graves. The play ends with Benvolio, alone, to deliver the final speech with two bags of money in his hand that he burns over their graves

[hlcevr-tech-support]

hey Coda, 🌂 anon here! My entire body feels like it’s going to explode for a thousand different reasons i’m using text to speech right now because I can’t type this without typos ok good stuff fist fuck I mean firstoh my God it worked it worked it worked it worked it worked I don’t know what the fuck she did but they are real! they are alive! and for some reason they think I miss Pauling.(i don’t think I sound like her and I’m probably nowhere near as competent) I didn’t think it worked until I heard solder waking everyone up for the day. And they are like realy real???? I know I already said that but now I mean that they are literally the team like The team! The voices are identical they act the same and they where just going around there day like it wasn’t the first one of there entire lives?! On the one hand I’m actually one hand I’m actually talking to the tf2 characters And they actually like me! On the other they just say stuff like “hello miss Pauling, has mister Whatsitnow finally paid us for the assassination of his fifth cousin or are we going to have to break into the vault that he owns? also we are possibly low on wine put that on the order list.” And I have to be like yep I know what is going on all of the time mister spy dad man yep!!! Luckily there wasn’t to much of that because of they were too caught up with map that we (they?) spawned in it’s a weird mix of all the playable Mabs in the game, there conclusion is ether merasmus or major teleporter malfunction

ok sorry for the text wall i just talk a lot when I’m trying to process things and that wasn’t all good news anyway but onto something I can’t make heads or tails of so “she” (the tech goddess that actually brought them to life) said that my only payment is that I have to go run some “errands” for her I don’t know what that means but she says they will be consequences if I don’t, And I was like what do you mean? And she said if your files were secure I wouldn’t have been able to put them there… (not an exact grout I mean “) so I’m scared for my life and even more scared for theirs, oh God oh fuck these are the first friends I’ve made since high school help what do I do Coda?!?!?! Keep you updated, i’m going to scream for three hours straight.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit!

Okay so!!!!

First of all, awesome!!! Your friend has created functioning, Sentient AI of the Mercs! That’s cool as hell! I wonder if Mister Rat Rust (my nickname for Merasmus) is Sentient AI too…he’s my blorbo.

Second of all! Oh boy…

Hopefully whatever errands this person asks you to do aren’t like…super duper illegal or anything? Like, I dunno what to do about that??? I just run the tech support blog. My job is to provide tech support for the funny crowbar man video game and the website that lets you export the little guys from it.

Actually, maybe you’ll be able to export them with the SMST website? I dunno. I gotta ask Soupy’s team how well it would accept their files. He said somebody he knew got AI to APPEAR in Hunt Down the Freeman but he never said if those ai got exported.

I dunno. Try whatever resources you have to if you’re worried about the Mercs’ safety. Though to be honest, I think you should prioritize your life a little more right now! The Mercs live on the computer and can have their data restored if they die. You don’t have the same benefit, so stay safe!

-Coda

[crynwr-drwg]

I apologise if I'm way off for assuming you'd know about this but

what's the origin of the whole "Arthur is gonna come back at the darkest hour and fuck shit up" thing? I went Googling to try and find the original/earliest version of the prophecy (in the hope that it's in Latin haha) but I couldn't find anything that matched my impression of the modern interpretation anywhere

is there a definitive source/sources or is it more of a folk legend that formed over hundreds of years?

or is the popular culture interpretation just way off, cus that wouldn't surprise me, like with Greek myths etc.

I enjoy questions like these, so don't worry! I wouldn't call myself an expert, but I have read into this a good bit as a personal thing.

Firstly, this comes Y Mab Darogan/ Y Gŵr Darogan/ Y Daroganwr, which is mostly what you speak of, a "destined" Son/Figure who "reclaims" Britain/Prydain for the Celts. While now a days people think of King Arthur (and I think it was originally attributed to being him, in Armes Prydein Vawr by the Bard Taliesin(?)) THOUGH this title has been applied and given to multiple other figures since then, Llywelyn ap Iorwerth, Llywelyn ap Gruffydd, and I believe Henry the seventh? In wales, However, the actual most famous one would undoubtedly be Owain Glyndŵr, who everyone who was born in Wales should (as in i'd be surprised if they didn't) know about.

Sorry for the ramble, moving on the real part of the question, what's the origin? Well, it could be Armes Prydein, but Arthur doens't actually appear in this early book, or apparently any others. His association with it is, assumedly, based off Historia Brittonum as he fought the Saxons, according to it. The earliest I can find right now in relation to King Arthur specifically coming back at all is from the 12th century, or claims of this sicne I can't find a copy of the book online right now. It's first mentioned at all by William of Malmesbury in 1125 and then Hériman of Tournai in De miraculis sanctae Mariae Laudunensis.

Besides that, there was William of Newburgh (1136–1198) who said, "most of the Britons are thought to be so dull that even now they are said to be awaiting the coming of Arthur." 1 2

Hope that answers the question well enough. If not, let me know and I'll try again haha.

[goose-books]

i think i went through your entire amt tag like 4 times now and im obsessed with it oh my god. i know you haven't officially posted about it for years and it's not an ongoing project anymore but OH MY GOD!!! i'm in so in love with the characters 😭😭 it sounds so so cool and clearly had a lot of work put into it!! i'm several years late to this but please let us know if you ever get a concrete plan in motion because it sounds so cool and i love everything you've posted

im sorry to keep sending you asks when you haven't answered them (and also please don't feel pressured) but DUODECIMAL AND AMT ARE IN THE SAME UNIVERSE?? I DIDN'T KNOW THIS???

FIRST OF ALL: ANON DM ME RIGHT NOW. i'm not joking i will literally just send you the AMT scripts. god willing, someday i will be able to turn them into something (i've begun to daydream about an AMT webcomic or graphic novel series; i think that would be the best way to preserve the mix of voiceover and the focus on dialogue, plus the idea of having those blorbos adapted into comic art makes me want to giggle and kick my feet), but for now i literally just have sixteen longass documents collecting dust and i will GLADLY let you see them. the one caveat is that you will need to remember that i wrote the bulk of AMT when i was sixteen human years old so there is definitely some cringe in there. everyone talks a little bit like they're in therapy. i fucked up rahma's arabic at least once. NEVERTHELESS seriously DM me i don't bite

(*it's occurred to me that i bit four people at the writing workshop i just attended. well. you get the point. it was consensual)

SECOND OF ALL: YES THEY ARE! i initially conceived of duodecimal as an AMT sequel (i was going to try to work in As You Like It elements as well--the never-finished lina chang companion piece that sometimes still haunts my brain is AYLI-focused; there's a reason their name is closer to rosalind than olivia). and then i was like. "wait. shit. fuck. i already wrote a podcast that i can't turn into a podcast. i can't do that shit twice. i will default to prose as usual." which i think was the right decision, because it really let me nestle into marshall's voice/head, but i was like... man, fuck it, i already have a setting called weird shakespeare high school, wouldn't it be funny if he kind of had a thing for indrajit. the more you know!

(mab, the theater director, appears more prominently in AMT, and both marshall's and lina's older siblings have roles! i once wrote a scene, purely for my own enjoyment, where marshall runs into isaac farley, AMT's hamlet, and has a brief gender realization that he instantly squashes.)

THIRD OF ALL: thank youuuuuuuuuuu. bats my eyelashes cutely

[okcoolthanks]

WHY

I LOOK UP AND THERES A BIG ASS SPIDER RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD ON YHE CELIKIJG FUCK OFF MAN

[faithinthestory]

OK YEP DEFINITELY EVIL FAERIE HOOOOOOLY SHIT

The whole episode was so intense, and while I'm so glad Jeremy finally got to really express his anger and have a well-deserved breakdown, I wish he hadn't jumped off from the bullshit "hope" that the evil bitch had been giving him. God the whole conversation between Jeremy, Thomas, and Anne was just So Much. Especially when they say that they plan to go in to the Liminal and you can just FEEL Jeremy's PANIC at the idea of losing not just Thomas all over again, but also Anne who DEFINITELY means more to him already than he either realizes or will admit. The EMOTIONS that were just POURING out of everyone, especially Jeremy and Thomas; the beautiful disconnect between what a parent and "child" need out of a situation.... just all of everything was just So Much.

Thank god for Vipin and Olivia going to the bar at 8am lol, being there and talking with Peyton was prolly one of the least intense bits in the whole episode. Of course now we know that there's a missing boy, time is of the essence, and shit is gonna go down soon. (The conversation with Peyton was very validating too, I knew "separation" was meant to be the correct rune, and that Evil Bitch had fucked it up on purpose! I mean, obviously, but still!) And I think the breather was necessary, before THAT ENDING

HOOOOOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK, NOOOOOOPE, EVIL FAERIE. HOW DID SHE GET SCARIER!? SHE LITERALLY WAS GIVING ME ANXIETY EVERY TIME SHE SHOWED UP AND SHE'S MANAGED TO GET *SCARIER!?*

"Francine."

Fuck.

I'm gonna have to trust Jeremy to not be a COMPLETE IDIOT, because it sounds like he's FINALLY realizing the gravity of the situation, and that it (and she) are Not Good. I don't think there's enough time for her to be a plot-twist-good-guy, at least not this season, so at least for now, PLEASE USE WHAT IS HYPOTHETICALLY A VERY GOOD BRAIN AND DO NOT TRUST HER, JEREMY.

(And just because I need to say it, when my brain FIRST CLICKED to the idea that she was fae, the name I went to was Morgan le Fey, which while not ACTUALLY the same as Queen Mab, depending on the legend, the two kinda overlap, so I'm giving myself at least partial credit and simultaneously saying OH SHIT WE'RE FUCKED IF SHE'S QUEEN OF THE FUCKING FAERIES.)

[lotsadeer]

do you have a top 5 webcomics? :o

I do!

Not in any particular order:

-Rubyquest

-Questionable Content

-Rice-boy

-Homestuck

-The Property of Hate

Theres definitely more I could throw in there. Kill 6 Billion Demons, Lackadaisy, Vattu, Dan and Mab's Furry Adventure, etc. But the 5 I listed I think are good examples of GOOD webcomics.

Rubyquest is a premiere example of an audience participation comic, and by extension Nanquest as well. They give the audience the opportunity to choose what they see and what the main character interacts with, and the consequences of those choices cannot be undone. Also the horror? Horror good.

QC is OLD. Hark! a Vagrant voice "Old as balls" (joke). It's a prime example of how a webcomic can start from two guys on a couch and become a well rounded story with a world that feels LIVED IN. It came from the era of webcomics that were spawned by Penny Arcade and CTRL+ALT+DEL, and came out of it like a fucking phoenix from the ashes of its failed brethren. Characters develop and become people, and the author shows a fundamental understanding of how a good character arc should go while still keeping the overall tone of the comic comedic.

Rice-boy is one of those comics that's kind of like a cryptid. It doesn't play with it's space or story the way other comics do, it doesn't have a gimmick. You discover it and leave its world changed as a person. Every Evan Dahm comic is like this, he is a master at what he does. But Rice-boy I, personally, think is the best example of this.

Okay I need you to stay with me on this one, okay? Is Homestuck a good story? Debatable. Is Homestuck worth reading? Also debatable. Did Homestuck change the webcomic game permanently? Absolutely. Hussie and their team did so much to play inside and outside of the webcomic sandbox that these days if a webcomic DOESN'T break its own website to make a plot point I'm concerned. It is a multimedia nightmare, and I'm not going to give Hussie all the credit for the brilliance of how it twists and bends and warps the space, but man. They sure did facilitate some interesting and honestly riveting shit.

The Property of Hate you already know. It was on your own list! I've been reading it since it started basically. ModMad has taken everything I said above that makes these other comics masterworks in the space and made them her own. The world is vast and lived in and horrifying and beautiful and her work as a cartoonist and interest in physical comics and filmography only adds to it. I am consistently amazed at what she pulls off. It may not be a multimedia nightmare like Homestuck is, but Mod gets the same *feeling* of multimedia that Homestuck has. It's like a fucked up magic trick.