#WHAT THE FUCK MAB

[okcoolthanks]

WHY

I LOOK UP AND THERES A BIG ASS SPIDER RIGHT ABOVE MY HEAD ON YHE CELIKIJG FUCK OFF MAN

[daily-sloop-john-b]

I want to see Harry Dresden as Tav. Give that wizard a gun. Have him be the token straight amongst the bisexual disasters. Let him make references none of the other tadfools understand.

He's gonna be real dubious about all the hot goddesses trying to fuck them over. Let him grab a beer with Gale and be like, 'depression year after your wizard hubris caused your girlfriend to break up with you, and you've spent a year alienating yourself from everyone but your cat? yeah, I've been there, buddy.'

[shmowder]

first I'm forced to learn about stocks just to manipulate the market in this stupid rpg maker game (affectionate) and now I'm having stupid thoughts like "huh wonder how bitcoins are minted" and "So it's just GPUs playing lottery?" while brushing my teeth or taking a piss

[viovio]

my wig looks like dogshit they're gonna kill me

[nintendont2502]

im a fucking god of it just give me my degree now ( < got 80% in one (1) assignment)

[a-wins-a-win]

i fear that b;apo in indianapolis 2008 may well be my new favourite…

York Theater b;apo i still adore you but the indianapolis production is making CHOICES and I’m going FERAL /pos

[angeltism]

seriously what the flip man why is Every Single Person I Know (not really but sh) finding love except for Me . I'm no worse than anyone else I know , I think . So like . What is it about me that is just so undesirable

[shrikebrother]

there are some convos in which agab is relevant but at least from what ive seen 9 times out of 10 when ppl call others amabs or afabs its unnecessary at best and transphobic at worst

[marsbutterfly]

LET ME SEE THOSE EYES + BAJI PLS I BEG ILY

a/n: HI MARS 😁 thank you for requesting this. i had a lot of fun doing this, so i hope you enjoy!! I LOVE YOU TOO BESTIE 🫶🏻.

pairings: baji keisuke x fem!reader

warnings: modern au, nsfw, smut, oral sex m!receiving, cum swallowing, some gagging, mentions of spit, praising, dirty talk, use of pet names (baby, princess).

prompt #1: “let me see those eyes.”

“Come on, baby.. just like that.” 

Your boyfriend’s voice sent pulses through your cunt. You had been at it for the last fifteen minutes. His cock was deep inside your mouth, almost reaching your throat. You were so fucking desperate for him to fuck you, but you couldn’t do a single thing. The pleasure you felt within your core was aching. It was driving you crazy and you honestly thought you could cum from just ducking him off. 

Baji had been quite stressed lately. He was dealing with school and his job that he hardly had any time to unwind. He also had neglected your needs completely, so when you offered to give him a little “help” he wasn’t going to waste the chance. 

He fucking loved the position you were in right now. He honestly thought you looked gorgeous with your mouth wrapped around his dick. It was taking everything in him to not fuck the absolute shit out of your pretty face. He didn’t want to be hardcore, but he was beyond tempted. However, he still enjoyed your delicious mouth nonetheless. He could never miss the way your lips sucked around the base, or when your tongue swirled around his sensitive tip. He could honestly watch you like this forever if he really wanted to. 

Baji’s fingers laced within the locks of your hair, slowly bobbing your head up and down on his cock. He groaned when the tip reached the entrance of your throat. “F-Fuck.. yeah, you’re so good at this, princess.” he gripped the back of your head, watching with lust deep within his brown eyes. 

Your nails dug into the skin of his thighs. Tears brimmed at your lash line from the pressure. You somewhat gagged when his dick moved closer to your throat. This sent you moving your head backwards from the lack of air. You panted and looked up at Baji with these gorgeous eyes that made his dick twitch. God, you had the sexiest look in your eyes. Not to mention, your pretty face made him wanna cum all over it. He was so lucky to have a pretty girl like you sucking his cock. 

Baji’s thumb ran over your swollen lips. He smirked at the small smile you had on your face. You seemed so proud of yourself. He doesn’t blame you for that either. “So pretty for me, baby. You’re doing such a good job,” he praised, twirling some of your hair around his finger. 

“Anything for you..” your voice was raspy from all of the sucking, but nonetheless was sexy to Baji. 

He tilted your face upwards with his finger. He stared into your glassy eyes that were somewhat tinted red from the tears that stung them. A bubble of anticipation formed in his belly at the sight of your features. He was so close to reaching his orgasm. He needed just a bit more from you so he could cum. “Let me see those pretty eyes.” he ordered, raising his eyebrows. 

You did exactly what you were told.

You leaned down and placed your mouth around his cock once again. The spit that had collected on his dick made it smoother. You had your eyes settled on his face. Baji’s expression was twisted with pleasure and he couldn’t stop the deep grunts that erupted from his throat. 

He placed his hand on the back of your head, moving it up and down once again. He could feel the knot inside his stomach tightening with every move of your mouth. You were also using your hand to jerk him off as you did so, which doubled the pleasure he was receiving. He was so ready to cum. His cock was twitching in your mouth and you could feel it. 

“S-Shit! Fuck.. I’m gonna cum, baby!” he shouted, gasping loudly when his cock reached the end of your mouth. 

Your eyes went wide when his cum filled your mouth, seeping down your throat. It was quite warm and honestly hot. Tears rolled down your cheeks from the pressure once again, but you gladly swallowed his cum. 

Baji removed his hand from your head, freeing you from his grip. He smirked at how fucked out your face was from him. “Don’t get too comfortable, princess, I gotta give ya something too.” he replied, squeezing your cheeks together.

[satorusugurugurl]

Part of My World

Pairing: Gojo Satoru X MAB!Reader

Word Count: 2,704

Warnings, Ropes, public play, gags, arranged marriage, bottom!gojo, public vehicle sex?? (Is it vehicle sex or carriage sex??)

A/N: I received this request from @princeasimdiya12 for a Gojo x MAB!Reader. I had so much fun thinking of ideas of what to do, and the story just took off on its own! Please enjoy!

The scorching sun burned your skin as you went through the palace. Your parents had informed you that your future husband was waiting for you near the fountain in the gardens. To say you were not excited at all was an understatement. Gojo Satoru was notorious for being annoying.

He always made a commotion at every event he attended. Teasing other princes and princesses, insulting the elders (regardless if they deserved it), and relishing that he was the most eligible prince. Little did you both know he wasn't as eligible as he thought. Just last month, the Gojo and Y/L/N families officially announced that you were to be married.

Gojo, of course, threw a fuss the last time you had seen him. Arguing that he didn't want to move to your desert kingdom, that he would much rather you stay in his coastal kingdom. The tantrum was so terrible both your parents agreed it would be best for the two of you to tour each other's kingdoms.

Of course, he wanted to start with yours.

You could see where he was coming from. Your kingdom was hot, surrounded by sand, and there wasn't much to do. But your people made the desert kingdom an oasis. The streets were always bustling with vendors and life. It, indeed, was a magical place to live.

“Finally!” A vein twitches in your forehead as you turn to spot your future husband sitting on the edge of the large fountain in the center of the courtyard. “Do you know how long I've been waiting? It's hot out here.”

A breath caught in your throat as Gojo stood up. He was wearing the robes of your people. Tunic sleeves are short and light blue. His pants were slightly baggy, hanging on his hips. Fuck why did he look so hot? The image of him had your cock throbbing inside your pants as you quickly turned away.

“Go down, go down.” You commanded your cock. “Fuckin’.”

“Hey!” Bright blue eyes popped into your view, causing you to jump. “What's your problem?”

“N-Nothing! Nothing!” Clearing your throat, you tried to look anywhere but his body. “Where did you get the clothes?”

Gojo smirked, stepping around you like a shark would circle their prey. “Oh, please, since our engagement was announced, I’ve done my research. I know everything about you, Prince Y/N, and your kingdom.” You seriously doubted that, but as he spoke, he lifted the top of his robes, causing you to suck in a breath.

The robes that Gojo wore were those a bride or groom would wear. Underneath that, his body was tied with silk ropes, squishing his pectoral muscles together and twisting around his torso in intricate designs of hearts. Your Y/E/C eyes trailed further down his body, admiring how the dark blue silk stood out against his ivory skin and how tiny his waist looked. Fuck, how had you never noticed Gojo’s figure before?

Your eyes lingered on his v-line; a well-trimmed happy trail led further. This was unbelievable; what was he doing? What was he thinking?! Wearing robes and ropes like these was something to do on the wedding night. Not your first day showing him around the kingdom. You were about to turn your head to look the other way when Gojo’s hand moved. You followed it, watching with wide eyes as he tugged his pants down, just a bit revealing the base of his semi-hard cock, which was also wrapped in the intricate ropes.

“W-What are you—?”

”Y/N, I don’t like beating around the bush. If we're going to be together, I want to make sure my needs will be satisfied, along with yours.” He gently tugged at the two strings hanging off the side of his hip. When he did, the ropes around his body tightened, causing both of you to moan. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not about to buy a carriage without a test drive.” Oh yeah, no, this was fucking crazy. “What, cat got your tongue?” Satoru sneered, tugging the string again, making an almost pathetic whine resonate in his throat.

If you don’t do something soon, you will lose your mind. It was hard enough seeing his body like this, but hearing him talk, those dirty words and the teasing tone. You wouldn’t be able to take him on the stupid tour of the kingdom if he kept up this act. If anything, it would end with you dragging him to your chambers. There was always time for that later. Right now, it would help if you did something about his mouth.

“Awe, I left you speechless.”

Your arm snapped out, grabbing the strings from Satoru and giving them a hard tug. “Speechless, no.” Whimpers slipped from Satoru’s mouth as you tugged the strings harder. “I was just thinking you talk too much.” Your other hand squeezes his face, his lips turning into a pout under your fingers and thumb. “Plus, you forgot one essential part, your veil.”

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

The tour of the kingdom was going smoothly. You had begun at the palace, showing your future husband around the many rooms, the gardens, and the courtyard before you both made your way into town by carriage. The ride was enjoyable, but it was even more fun the second you stepped out. You and Satoru walked around, bowing at the villagers as you passed, making small talk with vendors, just enjoying another warm and sunny day amongst your people with your future husband by your side.

Gojo kept his eyes focused forward, not paying attention to much of what was going on. No one was wise enough to pick up on what was going on. But the two of you, you knew what he was hiding underneath the pretty robes. A secret that was making you harder and harder with every passing second. From the muffled whimpers and twitches from Gojo, you had a distinct feeling that he was enjoying himself just as much.

”Oh, Prince Y/N, Prince Gojo, it is truly a pleasure!’ A young vendor boasted as you looked over the wines in their booth. “Is there anything you were looking to purchase?’

”Hmm, I’m not sure; what do you think, darling?” Gojo shot an annoyed glance in your direction.

“Yes, Prince Gojo, is there anything you want to partake of? Please, anything is on the house for you, our future king!”

Blue eyes glanced around, roaming over the inventory. As they did, you tugged on the strings near his hip, causing the ropes to tighten. Gojo’s eyes went wide as a muffled moan sounded from his throat. Your future husband hunched over slightly in an attempt to conceal the growing tent in his robes. Ever since the veil had been put on his face, the same veil that hides the silk cloth gag in his mouth, you had made it your life's sole purpose to tease him.

The young vendor gave him a puzzled look as you loosened your grip on the strings. “My prince, are you alright?” Satoru had just straightened, gaining some form of self-restraint, and before he could nod or gesture in any way, you tugged the strings again, harder this time. The sudden action had Gojo nearly falling over. “Prince Gojo?!” The vendor's worried tone drew the attention of a few bystanders.

“Oh no, are you alright?” To anyone else, you were the concerned fiance. To Gojo, you were the main culprit behind his throbbing erection. “I think the desert heat is getting to my precious flower.” Your tone was full of faux concern. “I should get him home, but I will have my guards pack whatever you recommend. I will also pay you double for the goods.”

“Oh, you're so generous! Thank you!!”

You grinned, waving to the people and vendors as you helped Gojo back into the carriage. The moment the door shut, you snickered into your palm. Winning a glare from your betrothed. He was not in the slightest amused with your enjoyment of this.

“Yw’ll pwy fh ehwy.” His barely inaudible muffled whines slipped through the gag. “Athwle!”

Either he told you that you would pay for this, or it was some form of gibberish you couldn't understand. “Oh, I'm sorry, I don't know what you're saying.” More muffled whines and moans filled the carriage.

He was most likely getting annoyed with the torturous teasing you were putting him through. In all actuality, he brought this on himself. Gojo was the one to show up in those robes. He was the one who revealed the intricate ropes decorating his beautiful body. You did what any other person would do. Claim what was yours.

“Pwhse.”

“Huh?” You heard that request this time. His hands toyed with the strings dangling from his hip. “Please?” Gojo responded with a wine and a nod, white hair in his eyes. “Please, what?”

He scooted closer to you, dropping the strings into the palm of your hand. He was putting so much trust in you. Someone he barely knew. Yet he was still willing to give you the power to not only please him but to please yourself as well. As your fingers curled around the ropes, you realized that this match might not be as bad as you both thought it would be.

“Fine, since you said please so nicely.” you tugged the strings as hard as possible. The sharp, stinging sensation resonated from almost every inch of Gojo's skin, a pained pleasure. That had him rocking his head back as the carriage began moving. His hips were thrusting against nothing as he whined. “My gods, you're not so against my kingdom now, are you?”

Slowly, you pulled the veil off, revealing the drooling, messy mouth of your betrothed. “Pwse! Pwsease!” The weeping noises had you smirking as you tugged the string harder.

“You're so fucking beautiful like this.” You slid your hand into his pants, stroking his cock slowly. “Dressed in the robes of my people, only to be dressed for your husband underneath them.” his cock throbbed at your words, the tip dribbling precum out of the head. “You like that, like hiding your dirty secret under these clothes, a secret only I get to revel in.”

“Fwk mw!” Satoru cried out, making you cease your strokes over his cock. You couldn't be sure if he said what you believed he said. Noticing the confusion in your eyes, Satoru huffed a loud scoff, drawing your attention to his gagged mouth. “Fwk mw,” he repeated, emphasizing the words as best as he could while gagging.

“Fuck you?”

You needed to clarify that this was what he wanted. When he nodded, you felt like your heart was about to explode. He wanted to be with you, and gods be damned, toy wanted it too. But there were steps you needed to do, prep, that required you to be with each other. Seeing the hesitation on your face, Satoru sighed before shimming his way out of his pants and briefs.

You sat back, swallowing hard at your dry throat as he turned, revealing his hole, stretched and lubricated, ready for you. It seems as though your fiance truly had done his research. Without hesitation, you all but tackled Satoru to the floor of the carriage, kissing his neck and running the tip of your tongue over the ropes and his skin. Fuck he tasted so sweet; you needed him.

He pulled your robes down, your cock bouncing “Satoru.” You groaned out before spitting into your hand, lubing up your cock. “Fuck I want you.” In response, he wrapped his arms around your neck, pulling you down on top of him as his legs snaked around your waist. “I-I’ll take that as a yes!”

“Yws!” He sounded but nodded to make sure his consent was concise.

Holy shit, this was happening, all of the teasing, the bickering, the attitude. It had led to this. You never assumed that your betrothal to Gojo would lead to such an erotic moment in your life. This was definitely how you imagined your first day with your fiancé turning out. Yet here you were, on top of your future husband, your cock pressing against his tight hole.

You were so lost in your thoughts that Gojo huffed out a whine before pushing you inside. You winced as the head of your cock slipped inside of him. The tight warm heat nearly hard you cumming as he clenched down on you. He felt so good; gods, you needed more; you required all of his body, mind, and soul!

“Are you alright?” Your lips hovered over the gag. Satoru took a second, white brows pinched together as he adjusted to your size. A moment passed before he hummed, nodding his head again. “Good~ now be quiet. We don't want the guards to hear us.”

You slowly began thrusting in and out of Gojo with whimpers and whines. Gripping his hips as you set a pace. It was slow and steady, the carriage gently rocking in time with your movements. Thank fuck. Gojo was still wearing a gag because he was loud with it in. You couldn't imagine how he would sound if he weren’t wearing the gag.

His whines were like your own personal drug. The more he whined and whimpered against the ropes, the harder you found yourself thrusting into him. Desperation ruled your mind and your cock. You wanted to make him cry, wanted to see his eyes roll back into his head. Gojo Satoru was your fiance, your husband, and you were his in every shape and form.

Pushing his cock in as deep as you could, you hit that particular spot inside of him. One you had read about in books or heard people talking about in passing. Gojo whimpered, eyes wide as he arched his back, his legs tightened around you, urging you to stay where you were, to have you keep hitting that special spot. Taking his not-so-subtle hint, you pulled out just a bit before slamming your hips into that special spot, rocking into it over and over until tears began to well in those big, beautiful blue eyes.

“Mwphh!” Satoru cried out, those big tears rolling over flushed cheeks.

More? He wanted even more? He must be close. “Anything for you.” Your large hand wrapped around his shaft, jerking him off in time with your bullying thrusts that kept hitting that spot deep inside of him.

“Ngggh! MMM!” Satoru’s body stiffened, back arching as he clamped down on you so hard you felt your balls clench. Satoru’s cock throbbed in your hard as he came, spurts of white cum hitting his chest, your hand, hell, it even hit his chin. The pure glazed-over look in his eyes had you thrusting several more times before his clenching became too much.

“Fuck,” you whispered, yanking the gag out of his mouth, “I’m cumming, fuck, fuck fuck.” You pressed your lips against his drool-covered mouth, silencing your moans as your cock throbbed inside him. You filled him with your cum, pushing it deep inside of him until you both laid them, twitching in overstimulation. “Satoru.”

“Mhmm.” He hummed happily, pulling you down so you were lying flush against his cum coated chest. “That settles it.”

Pulling back just an inch, you watched him. “Settles what?” A chuckle rumbled deep in your chest as you shook your head. “Did I somehow fuck the brains out of you?”

”You sure did, Prince Y/N,” His long fingers slowly ran through your Y/H/C hair. Finger twisting around the strands. “I gave you a test ride.” A bark of a laugh escaped you as you helped Gojo sit up. “I want to sign my agreement to be yours and yours alone.”

“Only if you let me do the same.” You shared a kiss with the man you were arranged to marry. An arrangement that you had come to love.

[okcoolthanks]

HE DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING

FUCKING DAVE

[alwaysanovice]

Butters: What fucking sociopath made it legal for it to be this cold out? Harry: My boss, Queen Mab. Butters: We need to kill Queen Mab. Harry: I'm trying.

[chuuyaspinkmotorcycle16]

Day 19: Phantom Thief AU

“That bastard!” Chuuya yells, heart beating out of his chest. 

It’s the fourth time this week he’s been /so close/ to getting that shitty thief. It’s also the fourth time this week he’s been jumpscared by that shitty thief, too.

“What was it this time, Chuuya-san?” Akutagawa asks as he comes up behind Chuuya, peering around his shoulder.

There, on the ground, lie fake spiders scattered around from falling out of a bucket when the door was opened.

Akutagawa had come rushing when he heard the bucket fall followed by an — admittedly — high pitch scream.

“That slimy piece of shit fucking boobytrapped the place,” Chuuya says, exasperated, as he gestures at the crime scene. His other hand is clutched to his vest.

“And you’re positive it was him?” Akutagawa cautiously double-checks. He trusts his superior, really, but it’s been weeks of searching for this mysterious man and they’ve yet to uncover a real lead.

“I’m positive,” Chuuya grumbles. “There’s only one person who would have the guts to challenge me. Me, Akutagawa!”

All Akutagawa can do is sigh. Chuuya’s a world-renowned detective, and Akutagawa’s been fortunate enough to have him as a mentor.

But in having the pleasure of this experience, he’s also come to realize that Chuuya can be a bit… stubborn, to put it lightly.

Once the redhead sets his mind on his target, it’s hard to convince him otherwise.

Their target for the past month has been none other than Dazai Osamu, a world-class actor who came from nowhere and who has never publicly done anything wrong.

His background’s a tad bit shady but there’s no evidence to go along with it so Akutagawa ruled him out early on in this man-search.

Akutagawa doesn’t believe he could be the one stealing jewels from famous museums such as the one they’re in now. After all, why would a rich actor need even more money? If he was that desperate, he could just buy the whole museum.

They scout the place some more, with no more boobytraps to be found, and wrap up their work. The ride back to their office is filled with Chuuya’s complaints and curses at the man.

With no new information on the case, they’re forced to retire early for the night, though Akutagawa doesn’t doubt that Chuuya will attempt an all-nighter whether he’s in the office or at his apartment.

The next day finds them at yet another jewel museum in the next town over. This time a sapphire was taken, just like all of their other cases.

They’ve expanded their search to the furthest it could be, even checking the roof for anything suspicious.

“Greedy blue-obsessed freak,” Chuuya grumbles, retracing their steps. There’s no hints or traces to how their thief even managed to steal the gem without the alarms going off.

Akutagawa hasn’t spotted anything of note either. They split up a little bit ago, now on opposite sides of the main room to double check the entrances/exits. Akutagawa’s beyond stumped.

Behind him across the room, he hears Chuuya shove something aside and then–

“Motherfucker!”

As to be expected.

There’s a ruckus, followed by a bang against the wall, so Akutagawa turns around.

Pinned against the wall is a man in gray, caught in Chuuya’s grasp, though he doesn’t appear to be struggling.

Akutagawa makes his way towards the two, trying to figure out who their thief is. Beside the pair, a large case holder to display jewelry has been shoved aside, and Akutagawa can see a crevice behind it, similar to the space underneath a desk.

“Got you, faker.” Chuuya grins, pushing further against their perpetrator. And with that, he reaches a hand forward to yank off the mab’s bedazzled mask.

Akutagawa’s jaw drops.

“I knew it was you,” Chuuya says, sounding feral with pride.

There, in his grasp, is one Dazai Osamu, world-class actor and apparent thief.

“Hmm,” Dazai hums. From his coat pocket, he drags out something, holding it up to Chuuya’s face as he squints. “Mm, not quite the same. Boo~”

Akutagawa knows he should probably do something, like get his handcuffs out to help Chuuya, but all he can do is ask, “Not quite the same what?”

Dazai glances over at him, only just now seeming to notice him. “The chibi’s eyes, of course!”

Akutagawa’s even more confused now. Does Chuuya know him? “Why do you need a gem that matches Chuuya-san’s eyes?”

“For our weddi–” Dazai starts, only to have Chuuya’s hand slapped over his mouth.

“Bastard,” Chuuya murmurs. Behind them, the screech of another case holder sounds.

Out from under it, a white-haired boy crawls out. “Dazai-san, can we be done here? It’s hot.” He complains.

Upon noticing Akutagawa’s glance, he merely leans against the wall nearest him, as if waiting for whatever is happening to be done.

“It’s okay, Atsushi-kun! Chuuya has water in the car,” Dazai shouts.

“You could have just asked these places nicely, bastard,” Chuuya says. “You know they would’ve just let you borrow them under the guise of ‘scenes.’”

“But where’s the fun in that?” Dazai whines, deflating in Chuuya’s arms as he throws himself around the detective.

Chuuya sighs, “And where have you been keeping them?”

“Ranpo owed me a favor~”

Chuuya only scoffs, arms wrapped around the actor. “I’m too tired for this. Whatever, just put the gem back and let’s get out of here. We can return the rest tomorrow.”

“Wh– but Chuuya-san, don’t we have to take him in?” Akutagawa asks. It’s their sworn job, after all.

“I’ll talk to Fukuzawa-san about this,” Chuuya says. “He’ll understand. Probably.”

And with that, Chuuya unwraps himself from Dazai, earning whines as he forces Dazai to return the gem to its case.

Akutagawa’s still trying to wrap his mind around everything that just happened, missing how Dazai gets it back in there without damaging or removing the glass.

He can only follow after Dazai and Chuuya as they head out, him and Atsushi following along. Beside him, he hears Atsushi scoff when the two in front of them intertwine their hands.

Akutagawa doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to take this job seriously.

[queen-mabs-revenge]

Why Peter Parker Was Not 15 When He Was Bit: A Treatise

This was originally a twitter thread but in an effort to save the one thing I actually care about having posted there from whatever the fuck is going on, here we go!

While early on there aren't any outright 100% indisputable references to Peter's age (i.e. himself or Aunt May just saying it outright on the page), from the very beginning of publishing, there have been enough references that give a firm grounding to Peter being a senior in high school throughout the first 28 issues of Amazing Spider-Man.

ASM 8 (Jan 1964)

Right off the bat in Amazing Spider-Man 8 (a tribute to teenagers xoxo you will always be famous) we get our first definitive mention that Peter and his classmates are in their senior year of high-school at the very least from this point on in the narrative.

ASM 14 (Jul 1964); ASM Annual 1 (Oct 1964)

Peter himself states this 6 issues later trying to wheedle Aunt May into letting him go to Hollywood on assignment from JJJ to cover Spider-Man's cinematic debut in a film role offered to him by the Green Goblin (in his first comic appearance. When I say I love the Silver Age.) ASM Annual 1 confirms that the gang is in their senior year yet again.

This is already stupid long so the rest goes behind the cut!

This isn't something that's just dropped in the Silver Age and then forgotten. 26 years after those first mentions, Web of Spider-Man Annual 4 makes a call back to Amazing Spider-Man 3 and places that moment in Peter's senior year of high-school:

Left: WOS Annual 4 (Oct 1988); Right: ASM 3 (Jul 1963)

While on tour to promote the Bugle-produced book of his Spider-Man photography, WEBS, Peter states on a TV interview that a photo of his first encounter with Doc Ock was taken while he was a senior in high school.

"But Mabs," I hear you say, "so what if he's in his senior year in ASM! Even if that's true, that doesn't mean he was in his senior year in Amazing Fantasy 15, and that still doesn't establish an age! He's a super mega genius so like....he probably skipped grades, prodigy that he is! And there was a time gap btw AF15 and ASM1, right?"

Alright let's go through this. As mentioned earlier, yeah, references to Pete's age are very few and far between and are a bit wobbly but let's put them together. The first age ref we get is in ASM 16:

ASM 16 (Sep 1964)

Here our favorite public defender is "rescued" from a mugging by the webslinger. After Peter fucks off, Matt gives us the above rundown of Spidey's characteristics: about 17, 5'10" and in excellent health. So "about 17" which, granted, doesn't have to mean exactly 17 but since we've established that at this point Peter is def in senior year, based on NYS age matriculation dates, Matt's probably spot on.

New York State matriculates students based on the age they are on December 1st of a school year. A 1976 edition of school regulations lays out the process: "[a] child who attains the age of 5 by December 1 of the current school year must be admitted to the kindergarten if a district operates such a program". So this means that within the same kindergarten class, kids born from the beginning of the school year to November 30th would be turning 5, while kids born from December 1 through the end of the school year would turn 6 during the school year, and kids born over the summer would also turn 6 but wouldn't celebrate during the school year.

Following that, Sept through Nov babies would be 16-going-on-17 in the beginning of their senior year, Dec - June would be 17-going-on-18 during senior year, June - Aug would turn 18 after graduation.

Peter being 17 or 18 during the high-school run of ASM just makes sense and there's nothing in the writing up until this point to push against that! In fact, when you first start seeing the de-aging of Peter creep in, AF15 literally had to be changed to make a younger age fit!

AF 15 (Aug 1962)

ASM Annual 23 (Sep 1989)

The very first time we see 15 floated as an age when Peter becomes Spider-Man is in the Amazing Spider-Man annual 23 of 1989. The annual is trying to present itself as Peter scientifically studying his own origin story, so the direct parallels to AF15 make it really clear when it's retconning the original to make sense with the younger age.

The panel where ASMAnn23 states Peter is 15 is otherwise a near word-for-word quote of AF15. Then later, the cognate panel of Peter in science class changes AF15's "you're sure to rate a scholarship when you graduate" to "in a couple of years when you graduate, you're sure to rate a scholarship." (Gerry Conway back at it again). This is the first time there's ever a hint at his story not being centered around his senior year, and that was made explicit in this issue by changing the original dialogue in order to justify stating he was a 15 year old in this recollection of AF15!

This is also an argument against the 'skipped grades' premise. Conway could have easily just left the text of AF15 as it was which would hint that Peter was obviously very young for being a senior in high school, but instead he tried to push AF15 back in time to fit a usual high-school timeline for a 15 year old (who would be at the earliest a December baby in their freshman year and the latest a Sept-Nov baby in sophomore year, and would be 'a couple of years' away from graduating).

Plus, fr if you're gonna argue that he skipped grades, it's on you to prove that. There are literally zero references to that throughout 616 continuity so like, why tf should it be taken as given? Please.

Anyway. And so are sown the seeds for torturing the already stretched timeline to make Peter an uwu baby infant. They didn't take right away. References to age go away after this and only resurface in 1994 (as far as I could see), where we see him aged back up:

ASM 395 (Nov 1994)

'I can't believe I was only sixteen when that spider bit me' actually makes sense with all of ASM being established as fully in Peter's senior year, Matt gauging him at 'about 17' in ASM 14, the age matriculation cut off for NYS schools, and the timeframe established between AF15 and ASM Annual 1 from 1964:

ASM Annual 1 (Oct 1964)

ASM Annual 1 (which I mentioned earlier as yet another point establishing Peter as being in his senior year) also has this little timestamp. Peter is watching Aunt May mourn for Uncle Ben and mentions that Ben's death was 'months ago'. Granted, that's in no way specific but I feel like it establishes at least a rough timeframe for the intended time gap between AF15 and ASM -- and it's not years.

And to be honest, there's really only one space in the narrative that allows for a time gap at all (Stan is really attached to his 'a few minutes later!' 'later that day!' pacing let me tell you!)

AF 15 (Aug 1962) page 9, panel 1

While the narration box says 'In the days that follow' it seems like we can take that colloquially considering the stream of newspaper headlines. For all of that to take place, I feel like it's not a massive stretch to allow this panel at the very least a month or so, which gives a bit of breathing room between when Peter lets the burglar run away and when Uncle Ben is murdered. (Which if you think about it a delayed dropping of the other shoe actually makes it worse! So how about that!). But between this and ASMAnn1, I don't think you can argue for years taking place in this gap which would have to be the case for a 15-year-old bite timeframe.

So if Peter's bit his senior year, for him to be 16 when he's bit he has to be born between the beginning of the school year and November 30th (because school has to be in session when he's bit). Which fits with the official New York City 2012 declaration of his birthday being October 14:

If he's 16 when bit in his junior year (again, school has to be in sesh), you've got to decide when from December of his junior year to the end of the school year makes sense for him to be bit with the rest of the time markers and how long you're gonna give to the time skip in AF15 for it all to qualify as just 'months' up to ASMAnn1. Which definitely can be done, especially if you AF15 pages 1-8 near the end of his jr year, put the time skip over the summer between junior and senior year, and rest of pages 9-11 in his senior year. In some ways this option makes a bit more sense, to be honest!

The way I personally like to square it is to go with all of AF15 and ASM1-28 happening in Peter's senior year (which he reaches without skipping grades) interpreting the 'when you graduate' in the AF15 panel referring to the same school year. If he's 16, the bite happens sometime before his birthday which has to be before Nov. 30th and, sure, why not Oct 14 -- it fits. A month or so passes between when he gets bit and starts his show-biz stint, and when Ben gets murdered. That means the last 3 pages of AF15 (bar the first panel on pg 9) to ASM28 spans from some time in December of his senior year to the end of the school year.

(If you don't care if he was 16 or 17 when he was bit, AF15 - ASM28 can take place any time from the second half-ish of his junior year to the end of his senior year, you can decide how many 'months' the time skip is in AF15, pick his birthday out of a hat, and Matt's "about 17" could mean 18, too. Have a ball.)

But in any case whichever way you choose to spin it, this shit is dumb and wrong:

Civil War 2 (Aug 2006)

and especially deserves to be memory holed for the ridiculous de-aging of Peter Parker that has subsequently been pushed into popular memory and continues throughout current Marvel 'brand synergy'. Sad and bad!

[meowjuyo]

WHAT D Y'ALL KNOW ABOUT ANTON, TWITTER PPL WHY R U LIKING PHOTOS OF MY MAB WHAT DO Y'ALL KNOW ABT HIM WHY IS HE FUCKING TRENDING IM AN ANTON GATEKEEPER

anyway 🥰🥰😍😍😛😛

[thestrangelyalwaysconfused]

HEY, GRAVITY FALLS FANS! I think you might like this..

So I showed my mom gravity falls obvi, gotta get almost everyone I know into gravity falls with me so I don’t look like a crazy person

And I was telling her like while she was dyeing my hair “Ugh! I wish there was a season three but I feel like if there was another season, it’d just ruin the ending of the series—“ and etc

AND SUDDENLY A MASTERPIECE FORMED SO LISTEN UP, this is word by word I’m pretty sure of what my mom said for what Alex COULD do for a season three:

——————————————————————————————————

Dipper and Mabel are much older now with their own families and their own kids,

when they get a note from Soos who was informed by Ford that sadly Stan has passed away… So Older Dipper and Mabel go back to gravity falls as like a memorial, bringing their kids along with them so they can meet everyone. The vending machine doorway has been closed off since nobody really used the basement anymore

(Me and my mother haven’t come up with the names for Dipper and Mabel’s kids so we will just call them Dip and Mab)

Eventually at some point in the first or a later episode Dip and Mab accidentally discover another way into GRUNKLE STAN ISNT DEAD

(Jingle jingle, stay with me)

Then Dip and Mab formally meet their great great uncle and all the wholesome stuff, the portal opens once more and sucking Stan along with Dip and Mab into the portal

And the rest of the show is just Dip, Mab, and Stan trying to get back home while also attempting to survive the hardships of this new dimension!

And when Dip, Mab, and Stan finally manage to get back home… Barely any time has passed at all as Dip and Mab attempt to explain the story of what happened but Dipper and Mabel just assume that they just had an over reactive imagination as they spend another summer of the odd town of Gravity falls…

——————————————————————————————————

SOOOOO, what do y’all think??

I know there’s a lot of plot holes since my mom has only watched up to “The Tale of Two Stans” but the FACT she came up with this, is FUCKING MIND BLOWING LIKE THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY GENIUS👏👏

I swear, I’ll use every popular tag if I must! This might be known!