#fuck it main tagging this cause i know at least some of you guys are okay with oc x canon ^_^

[rabarta]

-- to guide the heart from within, all in search for you.

taglist: @flowering-darkness @meowtroidvanya @thoda @gaiamatsu

[koobiie]

bestowing my highest honor as an artist to ffxv (drawing the characters in fun outfits)

thoughts under the cut

RREAAAGHHHH SO EXCITED TO BE DONE WITH THIS!!!!! it took me forevarrrr but i soldiered through as an act of love. now excuse me. yap time

OKAY SO the concept behind this was originally specific fashion subcultures for everyone!l ike noct emo ignis dark academia etc. but then decided i didnt want to pigeonhole it all and just freestyled outfits i thought would look nice on everyone

noct - i do think noct would still be emo-ish but also opt for comfy baggy stuff a lot. something you could just fall asleep in on the spot. note the details of bass pro shop shirt (of course) XV necklace, little moon + stars accents, carbuncle + fish keychains. i also wanted his metal band logo shirt to spell LUCIS but i forgor some letters but its not very readable anyways

ignis - ignit ooohghh ignos ignaurs. sorry i made him serve so much cunt it will happen again. i drew him first cause that kind of inspired this whole thing i love him so bad if i didnt draw it id explode. not much detail to note except his collar pins are like his double blade thingies

luna - lunaaa the concept was “clean girl aesthetic” idk if that happened but im actually really happy with how it came out! might be my favorite of the bunch just because she looks so pretty and happy. your honor she should have been able to just be a normal girl and just. chill

prompto - prompotoooo i had trouble picking his vibe!!! my first thought was techwear?? because weeheeeehee he loves tech and well... you know... but then i realized i didnt really like the look of anything i saw + it was so bulky and dark and serious for him! ending up going with some more youthful and baggy. i was considering something more loud and colorful but ended up not going with it. i feel like in canon he'd be too nervous to have such a flashy fit and would want to just look "cool" to fit in with the boys lol. itty bitty details here - chocobo keychain, pompompurin and bi miku buttons, and his lanyard is kings knight themed! i also thought it was funny to write LUCIS on his shirt like you know those shirts that just say BROOKLYN or TOKYO or SAN FRANCISCO and thats it. thats what its like

gladio - okay i know this is going to sound like a lie but im not horny for gladio like at all, hes my least favorite, i think he's just alright. but also i KNOW in my heart of hearts that he would LOVE being a leather daddy and so i had to make it happen. main detail to note here is that his tank top has the motifs of a cup noodle! i didnt know what else to add cause you know.. hes the cup noodle guy.. but also i didnt want it to be so in your face about it with a big as logo so kept it subtle!

(side note the leather daddy gave me an idea for a post where its like noct and prom go to a gay bar all nervous but then they run into gladio and its like "p: GLADIO YOURE GAY?" "n: nevermind that PLEASE dont tell ignis we snuck out" and then ignis walks up and theyre all like WHAT THE FUCK!!!! caption would be "the gang finds out theyre all bisexual." probably wont draw it but i think its very funny lol)

iris - iris my sweetheart.... definitely leaned into the scene vibes here and also that one image of the blonde emo anime girl. details here - of course the moogle big ass backpack and keychain (can you tell i love keychains), but also her buttons are an iris (the flower) and also a crown with hearts (haha symbolism)

anyways oh god i didnt mean to write an essay down here. usually i keep this in the tags but this time i just had Too Much To Say. can you tell i put a lot of thought and love into this . anwyays. *walks off into the sunset and fuckig dies*

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

𝓐𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓵 𝓦𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 | Intro

Jeon Jungkook truly fell for you- more than once.

Tags/Warnings: (fallen)Angel!Jungkook, Somewhat strangers to lovers, Fluff, Angst, some religious themes but only mentioned, clumsy romance, Flirting

Length: was supposed to be a oneshot, idk how long this is

Masterlist TBA.

There is no taglist for this fic.

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Your neighbor is a genuine angel. At least, you're convinced he is.

From what you know, he works as a gym instructor, but part-times at a local animal shelter where he helps with the heavy lifting and more physically demanding jobs. He's been in your town's local newspaper last week for building multiple new sheds there, so that the dogs have more opportunities to stay outside whenever they'd like while still being able to have shelter as well. He's helped you earlier this month to bring your groceries upstairs when the elevator was out of service, having found you struggling since you'd injured your leg.

He'd instantly helped you, offering to even go out and get you whatever you'd need during your time of recovery, and honestly, you wonder how that guy is still single.

You know he is, because your best friend, Jane, works at the shelter he helps out at. And according to her, he turns every woman (and even man) down whenever he's asked out. Apparently, he's not looking for anything at the moment.

What a bummer.

What's also odd about him, is his.. weird timing. He's always somewhere around whenever you're in trouble. From almost tripping on the stairs in the apartment building, to not properly looking both ways before crossing the road and almost getting run over- he's there to save you.

Ever since he moved here, about half a year ago, he's always been there last second to somehow pull your ass back from sure death or injury.

You're not sure what to think of it, currently playing with some puppies in the shelter while your friend cleans up the area they live in. "Maybe he's into you?" She wonders, putting the broom to the side. "I mean, could be."

"Wouldn't he have asked me out in that case?" You ask back, not convinced.

"Maybe he's shy?" She shrugs, sitting down with you now to occupy the playful young animals currently excitedly running around and occasionally nipping at your finger. "Just cause he's a looker doesn't mean he's also confident. He might be a softy." She tells you.

"He could be your early Christmas present you know?" She laughs, and you roll your eyes at that. "What? Looks like an angel to me!" She jokes, and you shake your head at that.

"The only angels I see are currently eating your jacket." You tease, making her quickly move to pull the zipper from one impish puppy who's trying to chew it up, successfully pushing the topic to the side for the moment.

You don't like talking about dating, and potential relationship, and all that stuff. You're awkward, meeting new people is awkward, and in the past, most of those connections frayed apart sooner or later either way.

So what's the point?

"Hey." Comes a voice you've come to know by now, from outside the gates and fences. "You ready to go?" He asks you, and you look at him, wide eyed and confused.

"Oh right, fuck!" Jane curses. "I can't drive you home today, so I asked Jungkook if he'd do it and he said sure!" She beams at you, while you glare with the most forceful gaze you can muster. "Don't look at me like that, see it as a chance!" She hisses, and you get up slowly to dust yourself off and grab your jacket from the top of the fence.

You're careful not to let any of the dogs out while leaving, before you wave at Jane who's giving you a cheesy thumbs up.

"I hope it's fine that I'm driving you." Jungkook offers kindly next to you.

"Ah, yeah, no issues." You brush it off. "Just.. weird."

"Weird?" He wonders, opening the main gate for you to step out before he closes it again, and leads you towards his car to open the passenger door for you. "I hope you know I'm not going to kidnap you." He jokes, and you playfully look at him with suspicion, before getting in and letting him close the door for you.

"I don't think you'd do that." You say, buckling your seatbelt while he smiles to himself as he starts the car. "It's just that.. it feels like you're always helping me, but I don't ever really get to know you past that." You shrug, as he maneuvers the car out of the parking lot to drive you both home.

"Would you like to get to know me past that?" He wonders, and again, you shrug.

Because you're not sure if you want that, considering that you don't even know if you want to only get to know him as a friend, or potentially more. Social interactions aren't what you're comfortable with, after pretty much isolating yourself with your job from home and disconnecting from past friends that turned out to be just interested in your monetary help- but nothing else.

And at some point, you just couldn't take the humiliation any longer.

"I don't know." You say because of that. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea." You admit.

"How so?" He asks, stopping at a red light to tap his fingers on the steering wheel to the soft beat of the car radio playing quietly in the background. "I'm not out for a one night stand or anything." He shrugs. "You're really pretty, and I think it's only fair to let you know that right from the start." he says.

"Why would that be something I need to know?" You wonder, and he smiles as he starts driving again as soon as the lights turn green.

"So that you know that I consider you attractive." He admits. "that I'm open to letting things become intimate, if we end up getting along well. And so that you know how to interpret my actions and words, you know?"

This is new.

You're not used to guys talking to you like this- usually, they're always incredibly cryptic, never open, never putting their cards on the table like Jungkook does right in this moment. And maybe that's what's so comforting to you right now.

Maybe that's what's making you trust him.

"Would you.." You begin, the familiar streets giving you the hint that you're close to home. "Do you.. I wanted to bake cookies today." You mumble out.

Jungkook chuckles, smiling. "That sounds cool." He comments, and you know exactly that he's teasing. "I actually know how to bake pretty decently too." He jokes, and you glare at him from the passenger side, as he parks the car in his designated spot. "What?" He looks at you, laughing.

"I take everything back, I don't like you." You cross your arms, and he grins-

Well aware that you're not being serious at all.

He's an angel after all. How could you not fall for him?

[dumpywrites]

Osculate - Jung Hoseok / J-Hope

Prompt: You kissed someone at the party last night… but who?

Prompt request: HERE

Genre/tags: Fluff, friends to lovers, producer! Hobi, slight drama, slow burn(?), mentions of cheating ex

Pairing: Hoseok x she/her reader

a/n: Welcome back Hobi <3 this is my first time writing about him! Also this turns to be longer than expected but we love the drama hehe

The gentle touch. 

The soft feel of a pair of lips touching yours for a brief moment. 

You kissed someone at the party last night… but who?

The thoughts were going on circles in your head. 

The first thing you realized when you woke up was a pang of headache. Of course, you were supposed to listen to your friends. Maybe drinking gin straight from the bottle wasn’t such a good idea. Of course it was not, but your ex was in the function.

The worse part was that he couldn’t even be considered as an ex. It had been a little over six months since the whole drama with Jaehyun. You went through somewhat of a situationship with him. Honestly, you liked the guy, couldn’t exactly say you had strong feelings for him, but you both agreed to enjoy the flow and get to know each other at a slow pace. For two months you both did all things couples do without any label, but it was not the main problem cause you had a conversation before about it… right? WRONG. He had a girlfriend the whole time. What a joke. 

Truth to be told, you were not that upset to see his face there. To you, even though he had basically ruined your perspective of men forever, it was all in the past. You couldn’t forgive him but there was nothing you could really do, life was just like that sometimes. What disheartened you was your friends inviting him in the first place. 

You had only ever told the whole story to two of them, that being Namjoon and Jungkook. Namjoon was the one who you called the first second you found out, and Jungkook the next day since you knew Jaehyun from him after all. You hoped that telling him would at least make him consider their friendship and to not trust him anymore, but you continued to see him occasionally in the photos of their stories.

Maybe Namjoon and Jungkook never told the others about it, it wasn’t their fault that Taehyung didn’t know and decided to invite him to his birthday party. Who knows, who cares. You were on your sixth shot of the night and you were feeling emotional. Fuck your friends for being insensitive really. 

Soon after the shots turned into drinking directly from the bottle, the memories were quick to fade away in a blur. 

“How did I even get here…” You mumbled to yourself. You still had the mini dress from last night on, but you were wearing your hoodie on top of it. You wondered if this happened because the person who helped you knew where you kept your hoodies. Coming from the party, the only people who could possibly knew that information were probably Namjoon, but that man couldn’t drive to safe his life. Was it Jin? After all he also had been to your place a few times before to play some video games, at least he knew where your bedroom was. 

The noise coming from your kitchen did sound suspicious though. 

“Hoseok?!”

You were very surprised to find him, considering he had never been to your place before and you couldn’t remember any major interaction with him the night before. 

“Finally!” His smile almost blinded you. “You alright? Sorry I had to use your kitchen, but I made us some pancakes.”

“I’m fine, thank you… I uh… what happened?” You said, sitting down on your dining table. 

“You got super drunk last night, long story short I got you here. Namjoon helped but he had to leave. We were worried to leave you alone, so that's why I'm here. Thank God you got your keys on a carabiner on your belt, or else we wouldn’t be here.”

“Gosh, what happened in between?”

“Nothing much, you were just dancing around, spilled drink on Taehyung and his girlfriend, not sure it was an accident though, and unfortunately you couldn’t make it to the ladies restroom so you puked right in front of the door.”

“Shit…” You facepalmed. “I’m so sorry you had to see that.”

“Come on, I’ve seen you drunk before it’s fine.” He said while placing the pancakes on two different plates. 

“But it wasn’t like this.” You shook your head. 

“It’s fine.” He smiled, somehow the look in his eyes softened. “After what happened with Jaehyun, honestly… I get it.” 

“Oh.” You looked down to your lap. “Did Namjoon tell you?” 

He paused, finally taking a seat next to you on your small dining table. “You kinda told me last night…”

“Of course I did.” You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “Sorry for trauma dumping, I guess.” 

“You don’t remember anything?!” 

“I don’t remember anything after I finished that bottle of Bombay Sapphire.” You shrugged, bitting your inner cheek. 

“That’s… unfortunate.” He flashed a disappointed grin. “Although I must say, I’ve always secretly disliked that guy for no reason, glad to finally have one.” He sneered. 

You looked at him amusingly. “Why didn’t you tell me before?!”

“Dunno, I just feel like I don’t have anything to backup my opinion and I saw how you looked at him. I just knew you wouldn’t listen to me anyway.”

“Fair.” You said with a spoonful of pancake in your mouth. 

“Hey, I’ve told you this yesterday but I’m gonna repeat myself again since you don’t remember anything,” He smiled, moving his body to face your direction. “It’s not your fault. He did that because he’s a bad person and that has nothing to do with your quality as a human being.”

You sighed. “Seems like I done told you my insecurities as well.” You threw a sad smile. “Thanks, I appreciate that.”

“If you ever need validation again, come to me. But I’ll be charging you next time.” He grinned and proudly opened his arms. 

You laughed. “The pancake’s lowkey fire though, I must say. I’ll treat you a meal next time.”

You ended up ordering some Chinese food while watching old Harry Potter movies in the background. Somehow the conversation just kept going and you didn’t know before that hanging with Hoseok was this much of fun. You even let him borrow an oversized T-shirt of yours before going home, since you felt bad that he was still with what he wore yesterday. 

You had fun and the question of a faint memory soon left your mind. Why bother? It was probably just a stranger that you would rather not know about. 

From later getting the meal you promised him, the friendship only continued to blossom more from there. 

**

It was a random day after work when you decided to join Yoongi and Namjoon in their studio. Hoseok was supposed to join later after visiting his parents. The cool thing about having producer friends was that you could basically get free early listen to various singers’ songs. And their studio being very cozy and spacious was also a plus point. The company they worked for was also quite chill about visitors. 

“Jimin just texted me, he said he wants to join just for the preview of the song I’m writing for Megan Thee Stallion.” Namjoon said after reading his text. 

“Isn’t his dance class not done until eight or something?” You asked. 

“He recently switched to morning shift, I heard. Something about being too old to teach in that hour.” Yoongi chuckled. 

“He always say that, but I just know he’s gonna be the healthiest when we are old, cause all of us have jobs that requires multiple hours of sitting down. Unlike him.” You said. 

“Ain’t that right.” Yoongi groaned, suddenly fixing his posture. “By the way, where’s Hobi?” 

“Didn’t he tell you? He’s visiting his parents so he’ll be a little late.” You replied. 

“Just found out about that now.” Namjoon replied, suddenly eyeing Yoongi suspiciously. 

“Well, he’ll probably just be an hour late so don’t worry.”

“You’ve been hanging out with him a lot, I see.” Namjoon said. “Even heard you calling him Hobi now too.”

“All thanks to that drunk accident, I found out over trauma dumping that I actually like hanging out with him.” You shrugged.

“Geez, don’t remind me. It was so hard to convince you to come home that day.” Joon complained. 

“Wait, speaking of that day…”

You had heard the story about when you got drunk and what happened in between. But none of their stories ever mentioned about you kissing someone, which was ironic considering that was actually the only part that you faintly remembered about that night. You were sure you were not dreaming, fantasizing even. You knew it was real. You just needed to know with whom it happened, if any chance your friend witnessed the scene. 

“Did you guys see me kissing anyone that night?” You looked at the guys back and forth. 

“You kissed someone?!” Namjoon gaped. “This is another news to me.”

“I didn’t even see you half of the party cause you were mostly at the dance floor and I never even left the table.” Yoongi said. 

You sighed. “I guess it’s probably just some stranger then. I just hope it’s not Jaehyun, because hell no.” You scrunched your nose in disgust. 

“Can’t be him, he was also mostly at our table. Only left after you spilled drink all over Tae and his girl. We got you home right after that.” Namjoon explained. 

“I need to thank you for that, cause heaven knows that fucker wouldn’t stop talking about his new job and how much pay he gets now. Like dude, shut up.” Yoongi rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t know if Joon or Jungkook ever told you but… something horrible happened between me and Jaehyun.” You looked at Yoongi. 

“I never told them, neither did Jungkook. We thought it wasn’t our place to say so. Looking back at what happened though, we should’ve said something. I’m sorry.” The taller guy said, looking at you with concern in his eyes. 

“It’s fine, I totally get it.” You assured Namjoon. “Me and Jaehyun used to have this situationship thing going on, until I found out that he has a girlfriend.” You said to Yoongi. 

“He has a girlfriend?!” Yoongi asked with widened eyes. You knew it was serious when he started to show a big reaction. 

“Yeah, I don’t think he intends to tell you guys about it too, to maintain his image and all.” 

“That shithead told us he only has two exes and barely go on dates.” Yoongi gritted his teeth. “Why are we still friends with him??? This is fucked up!”

“Jungkook didn’t know the whole story, it’s my fault.” Namjoon spoke again. 

“Guys, it’s fine… I don’t expect you to stop hanging out with someone just because they wronged me.” 

“Uh, you should???” Yoongi protested. “You are our friend too.” 

Your heart softened at the reaction. “I don’t want you guys to fight though…”

“We could just stop inviting him to our hangout.” Yoongi shrugged. 

“We need to tell the others about this, are you sure you’re okay with that?” Namjoon asked, his right hand patting your shoulder. 

“I guess it’s about time.” You sighed. “Just please promise me you’ll hold Jin down in case he wants to throw hands.” You folded your arms, holding back a smile. 

Namjoon laughed. “I’ll make sure of that.”

Just seconds later, you heard the door cracked open. 

“You guys are gossiping without me???” 

Hobi spoke as he entered the studio. He was wearing a jacket, which he took off right upon entering the room, revealing his black T-shirt that now seemed to be slowly transforming into a compression tee with him going to the gym lately. 

“Does he know?” Yoongi asked. 

You nodded. 

“What? What are you talking abou— Oh… don’t tell me it’s about that loser…”

Yoongi’s lips popped a “yup” while Namjoon just sighed. 

“We can finally agree that we should never invite him ever again now, right?” Hoseok said as he took his designated chair. 

“One hundred percent.” Namjoon said, nodding. “By the way, have you asked Hobi if he saw?” The guy pointed at Hoseok while looking at you. 

“Oh.” Your eyebrows raised. “Actually no, I haven’t. Hobi, did you see me kiss anyone at the party?”

Suddenly, the said guy choked on nothing. He quickly fixed his tinted sunglasses, only to then awkwardly take them off, putting them on the table next to his keyboard. 

“I’m sorry, what?!” Hoseok straightened his posture. 

“I’m sure it’s not that much of a surprise, you’re overreacting.” You chuckled. 

“I don’t know… maybe? Who knows. Do you even remember where it happened?” 

You looked at the guy with slight skepticism. “I don’t know. I can’t even remember the face. I remember the feeling??? If that’s not TMI.” You faked a cartoonish shiver. 

“Did you not… like it?”

“I wouldn’t say that.” You tilted your head slightly, pondering. “I remember feeling really soft lips, and I actually don’t remember disliking it in any way. But I don’t even know if I was the one who initiated the kiss.” 

“I see.” The guy turned away to face his computer screen. “At least you liked it.” 

“I guess so.” You shrugged. 

Jimin later joined as promised. Both of you quietly listened as the three producers continued on their work. You went out for dinner afterwards and Hobi offered to drive you home, since you used public transport.

There was a bit of oddity in his action’s that night towards you but you couldn’t put a finger on what. He just seemed a like he was holding back something and you didn’t know why. 

You also wondered since when did you start to notice how attractive Hoseok was. Had he always been this way? You were sure he did not change that much from the first day you got to know him. Because lately, he had been glowing, his smile looked extra bright, and the hair looked extra fluffy. 

Sure his fashion taste had developed over the years but he still looked pretty much the same. Maybe you were just dumb not to realize it sooner. Or maybe it’s the new workout routine. Yes, it must be that.

**

You found yourself hanging out yet again at the three’s studio. This time with only Hoseok, since he got something he needed to revise. You were nearby and decided to drop by with some pizzas, knowing how often these guys forgot to eat while working. After texting the group chat, you found out Hobi was the only one there, but the pizza had been bought anyway so you wouldn’t want it to go to waste. 

“Man, remember when you used to be such a fanboy for J.cole? Can’t believe you’re producing for him now. I’m so proud of you, man.” You took a bite of the slice of pepperoni pizza in your hand. 

“I know right? I can’t believe he randomly came across my SoundCloud archive.” He grinned happily. 

“You should try, you know… being an artist? You even dance well. Jimin’s words not mine.” 

“Nah, I don’t think I can handle the fame.” He shooed. “Besides, I don’t think I look good enough to be an idol.” He laughed. 

“Are you kidding me?!”

That sounded way too loud from what you intended. 

“Why? You actually think I look handsome or something???” He said with a judgy expression, almost as if he couldn’t believe you. 

“Hasn’t anyone actually told you that?”

“Uh… no, I don’t think so— why though???” He seemed truly curious. His eyes visibly widened and he scoffed closer with his chair. 

“Don’t fucking ask why!” You retrieved, actually moving away slightly on the couch. “It just crossed my mind, okay?”

He chuckled. “Are you actually being shy right now?” 

“No, I’m not!” You widened your eyes in horror when he got up from his seat, seemingly moving to sit next to you. 

“It’s fine, I get that you don’t actually wanna admit that I’m hot.” He smirked. 

“Aren’t you the same person who literally seconds ago said that he isn’t good looking enough???” You rolled your eyes. 

He took a slice and munched a big bite. He shrugged at you with a downturned smirk. 

“Forget I ever said that.” You scoffed. 

“You too.” He said after swallowing the food. “I think you’re attractive as well.”

You paused. The atmosphere had now suddenly turned thick. Your lips went tiny bit ajar, starring at him with an unbelievable look. 

“It hasn’t changed since the first time I met you. I’ve always thought you’re attractive.”

“Do not say stuff like that.” You looked away, feeling your body burning up, stomach roamed with butterflies. “You’re making me feel weird.” 

You didn’t know what you did but something changed in his eyes after you said that. His face was now only inches away from you. You didn’t think you had seen him looking this serious before ever in the whole time knowing him. 

It felt too weird, so weird that the back of your mind was quietly suggesting to claim his lips. The idea sounded odd but somehow not unheard at the same time. Should you be weirded out that you were thinking of kissing your friend or should you be weirded out by the fact that the thought of kissing him didn’t sound that preposterous to you? Your silly little brain could only handle so much. 

The sound of door knob turning saved you, or maybe not. Both of you instantly jolted and faced the direction of the entrance. 

“Am I interrupting?” Namjoon peeked. 

“N-No.” You awkwardly scooted away from Hoseok. “I thought you won’t be coming?”

“I left my hard drive.” The tall guy said as he moved towards his desk and grabbing the said item. 

“I see… Uh, do you want pizza? We still have some.”  

“Nah, just had dinner at home. You guys have fun though!” He gave a thumb up before exiting through the door. 

“Yeah, that’s weird.” Hoseok said, putting down his unfinished slice of pizza that he still had in his hand the whole time. “I’m sorry.” He giggled awkwardly. 

“I know right?” You laughed as well, but it sounded so fake that you internally gagged. 

That night the thought of his eyes looking at yours sent electricity down your spine. The butterflies in your belly kept you awake. 

**

After that, the mystery kiss never really crossed your mind again. At the end of the day, you were just glad it was not he who shall not be named. 

Just when your mental state was heading towards a better direction, your luck decided that you had to bump into the said guy, Voldemort himself, Jaehyun. God forbid a woman just wanted to grab herself some snack at a nearby convince store. Of course his new job was near your home, because why wouldn’t it be. The universe just loved to toy with you like that. 

“Y/N? Here let me get that for you…”

“No, thank you.” You forced a smile and shook your head at the cashier, signaling the lady to take your card. 

“It’s fine, they’re just biscuits anyway.”

“And I can pay them myself.” You said and quickly stormed away, hoping you would be left alone. 

“Wait!” He called, but you continued to walk out the store, unbothered. 

You squirmed in disgust when you felt his hand stopping you by your wrist. You stopped but shook his hand off immediately. “What?”

“Can we talk? I’ll be quick I promise.” He said, sounding almost begging. 

“No, there’s literally nothing in this world that can excuse what you did to me so I don’t want any further explanation.” 

“I… I feel so guilty. The past few months I’ve been so grossed out about myself…” He spoke out anyway. He looked at you with a pathetic expression. 

“You did something bad so of course you were supposed to feel awful about it. What part of this is my problem?” 

“I think you deserve a proper apology. So… I’m sorry.” 

“Are you still dating that girl?” You asked sternly. 

“No, we broke up due to distance.”

“Good. That innocent woman doesn’t deserve a lying and cheating fucker like you.” You folded your arms. “Is that it?! I would like to leave now.”

“Are you with Hoseok now?”

“What do you mean??? Are you out of your mind?! What made you thi—”

“I saw both of you kissing at Taehyung’s party.”

A few circuits in your brain just snapped because what in the fresh hell was that. All this time, the mystery man was Hoseok all along??? But he never once told you anything about it, even after you mentioned it. Is it embarrassing for him? Did he regret it? And worse, did you force yourself on him??? There were so many questions pilling up in your head. 

Seeing your zero response, he spoke again. “So, you’re not dating him then?”

“It’s literally none of your business.” You simply said before moving your feet to leave him in a flash. 

You were walking, running maybe? You couldn’t even think straight. You had not even reached your apartment complex yet, but you already took your phone out, calling Hoseok without giving it a second thought. 

“What’s up?” You heard the man picking up the call. “You don’t usually call…”

“I kissed you.”

The line went silent for some good second, before you heard him clearing his throat. “You finally remember?”

“Why didn’t you tell me???” You raised your voice. “I even asked you before!”

“It’s a lot more complicated than what you think.” He sighed. “And correction, we kissed. I kissed you back so you weren’t the only one doing the kissing here.”

Your heart skipped a beat. Maybe two. 

“Are you home? Can I come over?” You heard him sighing again. 

“Uh, yeah I am.” You bit your lips, feeling extremely nervous all of the sudden. “Sure, I guess…”

“Okay.” Was all he said before hanging up the call. 

You were now pacing back and forth at your apartment lobby. The security was already giving you funny looks and so did some of the passerby. You couldn’t care less though, because truthfully, your mind was filled with endless possibilities of what happened and how it happened. Deep down you were glad it was him, but the real question was did he feel the same?

By the time Hoseok arrived you were already sitting on the lobby sofa, clasping your hands together out of cold. The aircon and night air were not such a big help with your nervous sweaty palms. Not to mentioned Hobi in his casual clothes… you might be biased but still!

The walk to the lift and to your room was silent. You wanted so badly to make a small talk, but you couldn’t make yourself to open your lips. And the man who you knew as one of the most cheerful person out there, was dead silent as well, which was killing you. 

“Do you want to drink something?” You finally said after a few minutes of unwieldy silence between the two of you. 

“N-No need!” He shook his head. Did he just stutter?

“Okay.” You took a seat on your couch, in which he followed shortly. 

He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “At first I saw you crying silently near the toilet. You just left after the whole drink-spill accident and clearly were not walking straight. I was worried so I followed you there. By the time I reached you, you had already puked…”

“I’m sorry.” You cringed at the thought of him seeing you puke. 

“It’s alright. Fortunately, you didn’t dirty your clothes from it.” He smiled. “I helped you walk out from the club, and that was when you started telling me everything. I feel so bad that I couldn’t do anything about it other than listening to your cries. But a few minutes later, Jaehyun showed up.”

Your eyes widened. “What did he do?”

“Apparently he was looking to talk with you privately but never got the chance.”

“And what happened?”

“I told him to scram.” He chuckled. “Honestly, I’m proud of myself for not punching him in the face that day. How dare he appear right in front of me just minutes after I found out how much of an ass he is?!!” He said in disbelief. “But he refused to leave.”

“Oh…” You began to see where this was going. 

“He was saying a bunch of nonsense I couldn’t even recall, and just out of the blue, you grabbed me by the collar and just… kissed me.”

You blushed upon hearing the words coming out from Hoseok’s mouth. 

There seemed to be a light shade of pink on his cheeks. “I was so taken aback I didn’t know what to do. I mean… I couldn’t believe the girl I’ve been secretly crushing on just kissed me!”

Wait, what?

**FLASHBACK**

“I just want to talk to her!!!” Jaehyun insists. 

“She’s too drunk right now, so fuck off.” Hoseok spat out. 

“Then I’ll take her home.”

“Over my dead body.” 

And that was when you suddenly pulled him for a kiss. It all happened so quick, that even Jaehyun was also at loss for words, but Hoseok kissed you back, eagerly. That of course made Jaehyun even more uncomfortable, enough to make him finally leave the scene. 

The two of you didn’t stop kissing though. Not for a while. Despite being the sober one, Hoseok lost track of time by the touch of your lips. For a moment it was just you, and your friend, making out in front of a club entrance. The club was at the fifth floor of a building, so you were just kissing each other intensely, next to the elevator, against the glass window, like a couple of hormonal teenagers hungry for each other.

Anyone could see you, in fact, one of your friends might caught you on the act, but that did not stop Hoseok. What stopped him was the thought of you being heavily intoxicated. He did not want to take advantage of you, and clearly did not want you to think about him that way in any shape or form. And so he pulled away. 

“I’m sorry… that shouldn’t have happened.”

Your eyes looked glistening, cheeks red, and your lips were swollen. It took Hoseok almost everything in him to not just grab you and go back to kissing you like crazy. 

You looked up, staring at him with droppy eyes and started tearing up again. You just looked so helpless in his eyes. He was so desperate to ease your pain, but he had no idea how, or even if he were allowed to in the first place. 

“Hey, it’s not your fault… you know.” He sighed and took your right hand, intertwining it with his. “He’s a horrible person and that has nothing to do with you. You’re wonderful. You’re one of the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”

You only continued to sob, so he pulled you in and hugged you softly. He let you cry for a while before Namjoon and Jimin found both of you outside. They decided it was best if he took her home so Namjoon told him your address and followed Hoseok to his car. 

It was quite the struggle, supporting you and helping you walk to your apartment unit. By this time you were passed out already, so Namjoon offered to carry you, in which Hoseok volunteered in instant. 

Thankfully, your keys were attached to your belt, dangling by a hook carabiner you always liked to use, so it wasn’t hard opening the door. Namjoon opened the door and Hoseok laid you down on the sofa. He took off your shoes carefully before setting them aside. It didn’t seem right to just leave you like that so both of them thought it would be best if someone stayed. 

Long story short, Hoseok carried you to your bedroom. Saw your hoodie laying around and decided to put it on you and leave you in your room. The tiredness then caught up to him, so he crashed out on your couch. 

**

“And that’s all!” The man smiled at you. 

“Hobi, I…” You were speechless. “Thank you… first of all.”

“Don’t mention it. I was happy to help.”

“I didn’t know you have a crush on me…” You said while awkwardly avoiding eye contact. 

“At this point I don’t think it’s still a crush anymore…” He breathed out. “I like you, like a lot now.” He grinned happily.

You were once again too stunned to speak. 

“Well, now that it’s out of the bag, I hope it won’t make things weird between us…” He scratched the back of his head. 

“Jung Hoseok, I literally like you too.” You finally said, making you flushed so red that it reached your ears. 

“You do??? Forreal???” He grabbed both of your hands. 

“Yes, for real.” You giggled, still blushing. “Should we kiss again to seal the deal?” 

“Say no more!”

He stood up, which made you raised your eyebrow at him. But a yelp soon escaped your mouth when he suddenly lift you up, twirling you around before kissing you on your lips passionately. You smiled through it, kissing him back with equal devotion. His lips felt so familiar, but not because you had kissed him before. In fact, you barely remembered how it happened. It was because his touch made you felt secured, so safe, like you were finally at home. 

Thank you for reading! 🪩

[cult-of-the-eye]

Mag 81 A Guest for Mr Spider

FUCK FORMER HEAD ARCHIVIST

Wait I need to check the timelines - this was 2 days after leitner's death

New spooky music???

My man is so fucking dramatic I love him so much "grand of sand behind my eye" love the way he speaks

Yeah FUCK JURGEN LEITNER

Omg the greying hair is canon??

Child in the 90s makes him at most 27 GOD DAMN. I was imagining like mid 30s...can you imagine a fucking 27 yr old using words like "ilk" when talking to you

Oh shit he's an orphan poor guy

Yeah ok a lot of his personality seems to make sense if you realise he was raised by his grandma

You know those memes that are like people raised by their grandparents are exceptionally polite but in a brisk way, talk fancy and are super posh? Yeah that's him.

Getting such neurodivergent vibes

Yeah he sounds like a main character from the start Jesus Christ he's such a kid who got traumatised and then grows up to be a horror protagonist vibes

My First Leitner lol like kids had to be introduced to them at a young age like those my first toys

He's so funny I can just imagine him as an 8 yr old getting super like affronted at this like how dare my grandma think I am of subpar intelligence he's such a little bitch from the start

"The eponymous Mr spider" even talking about his childhood trauma he's busting out the vocabulary

Fuck that story actually kinda rattled me I had my hand over my mouth in shock for most of it

I think it was the bit where the horsefly brought his son and they were both crying that got me, I could definitely imagine it scaring an 8 yr old

The way it drags out as well, with the pages of the same scene it really heightens the suspense

Is his childhood bully someone we should keep track of?? Love how he says Michael probably cause he sees him as a bully lol

It's interesting how despite him bullying him (quite badly seeing as though he beat him up) he's still like yeah but he saved my life and that means he deserves to be remembered

My bro didn't save your life on purpose, he was just trying to make it worse and happened to come to a terrible fate cause of that

I guess underneath it all he was still a kid who watched someone die, knowing they'd get eaten by a fucking spider, he still held him in some regard

The way he specified the guy was his bully even after he was being eaten though lol

He was desperate to get the book back? That's a leitner thing I guess, the book makes you want to keep it so it can finish whatever it wanted to do to you

On my relisten (which I will do once I've finished the series I'm sure of it), I'll have to look out for any reaction of leitners name

I wonder why Jon didn't react more to Carlos vittery's statement, like it must've terrified him? I saw a post a while back explaining Jon's thoughts and IT WAS GENIUS it was like of course he doesn't react, he must be terrified that someone knew about his experience and somehow did this to mess with him or it was a joke and he can't let anyone know that the Head Archivist is not Good at This ugh it's so good I'll tag it if I can find it

AHHHHH HE REGRETS DISMISSING THE OTHER STATEMENTS AHHHHHH

HE FINALLY ADMITS THAT HE NEEDS HELP WE LOVE THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT YES YOU FUCKING DO BITCH.

yeah at least he's right about Elias killing leitner

GEORGIE THE EX GIRLFIEND

ITS SO WEIRD TO SEE HIM ACTUALLY NICE TO SOMEONE WOW HIS VOICE CHANGES SLIGHTLY AS WELL HES LESS ACADEMIC

THE ADMIRAL

Awwww he's so cute with georgie

GHOST PODCAST GHOST PODCAST

THE WHAT THE GHOST T SHIRT IS CANON???? AHH THATS SO CUTE

Can he not go back to his own flat?? Did he bring all his clothes to the archive and then subsequently leave them there? Does he even have a flat??

God Georgie is so nice I would kill for her

It's so funny that an apparent supernatural cynic dated a ghost podcaster

WOW SEASON 3 OFF TO AN AMAZING START I CANT WAIT TO KEEP LISTENING IM GONNA TELL MY THERAPIST ABOUT THIS TOMORROW!!!

[confoundedluna]

thinking about TUA s4 again and the ending

and I know it's been long enough now that most people have said their piece and other people have probably said what i'm gonna say but it's just. argh

things worked about this season! remove them from the wider context and they make sense! Diego and Lila struggling in a regular world regular marriage because neither are used to that life? yes! the fuck ass way they went about that? no!

the ending in particular, people have pointed out how shitty the overall message ends up being of 'you are the fault/cause for your trauma and the pain you've inflicted on others across your lifetime and it's better you never even existed so at least they can be happy' but like. a bittersweet ending with the group sacrificing themselves Could have worked! it's just. the entire tone of the season needed to be different for it to work.

the group needed to have Got their happy ending and gotten to be happy for Once, so even if they were leaving it all behind, it happened! they got what they had all been looking for this whole time! and they got to leave the world a better place!

instead we get Luther reduced to a stripper joke, basically no mention of his wife (or most of the Sparrows at all), and his body mutated again even though that had No link to his marigold powers, living in a condemned building and trying pathetically hard to keep what he has left of his family together and cared for only to lose them all again in the end

Diego gets reduced to a fat joke when his actor is in Insanely good shape, he gets turned into a guy who would dump his problems on his family even after his own upbringing and how good a dad he was last season (at least from what i remember), and a guy who loses the family he finally got through his wife cheating on him with his brother and not being able to properly say goodbye to his children, dying not knowing whether she would choose him or them

Allison's husband walks out on her again, her kid that has been her main motivator seems to have a better connection with Klaus than her, her career has barely gone anywhere, and she dies having just sent her daughter alone to an unknown fate and not knowing if anyone would remember her

Klaus just Has to be reduced to a junkie that gets kidnapped and used and ignored by the rest of the group, except this time with no impact on the main plot, he doesn't have his connection with Ben anymore, and his fairly reasonable turn from immortal to paranoid germaphobe seems played as a joke, plus there's only just a Passing shot of the dog tags, no mention of Dave or his time at war

Five seems the happiest of the group at the CIA (LOW bar), but even then he's stuck back in another organisation like The Commission, and he gets absolutely character assassinated into some pathetic lovesick puppy who would enter an affair relationship with his brother's wife and hide a way home to the family he spent Decades in an apocalypse trying to get back to, and almost abandon them in the end because his BROTHER'S WIFE would dare to choose her family over him

Ben loses all sense of character and becomes only 'I love Jennifer', doesn't really have any real moments with the Umbrellas and barely mentions the Sparrows, eventually mutating beyond recognition and not even getting to die with his new makeshift family that he probably hasn't seen in the years he was locked up, beyond maybe Luther

Viktor distances himself from his family and can't hold down a relationship with anyone after Sissy, is forced to forgive Reginald for the abuse he went through because 'that wasn't me! it was the Other me!' and barely gets any moments with his family that has finally welcomed him before dying

Lila gets watered down and her character assassinated into some housewife that would cheat with her brother in law that she has seen looking like a child, no delving into the dynamic between her and her now-living family, and dies showing affection to her affair partner in front of her husband

making their lives miserable and then having the solution be that they all die and everyone else gets a happy ending is Not a good way to end a show like TUA - imo, it should have been either they're miserable throughout and finally get their happy ending, maybe getting to live just normal lives either separately with their 'birth' parents not knowing each other or what their lives used to be, or all together either with or without memories, OR they get to be happy, just for once, so that they can leave the world behind knowing that even if no one else remembers them, they got to experience happiness

Luther should be the definition of a perfect marriage with Sloane, living that stereotypical dreamlife

Diego should be doing Some kind of active work, maybe martial arts or self defense classes or Something, and getting to come home to his family happy and fulfilled with the life he has

Allison should have her husband and her child, and a career that, big star or not, she's happy in

Klaus should be in THERAPY, and he should be with Dave, finally independent from his family and not needing them to save him but sticking around anyway because he loves them and they love him

Five should be either alone romantically or with some Delores substitute, getting to live out his old man life in peace surrounded by the family he Platonically worked so desperately to keep together

Ben could be with Jennifer or not, but either way, he should have the Sparrows And the Umbrellas, with connections to all of them, even if he is still a bit of an ass - they love him anyway

Viktor should be with Sissy, finally fitting in to the family dynamic, finally in a relationship that's healthy, that he gets to keep, not sidelined or isolated but just another part of the gang

Lila should be a working mom in some way, either doing something like Diego or as part of an organisation, but still coming home Happy to her family at the end of the day, no cheating

whether that's their ending, or just what they get temporarily and have to choose to sacrifice for the greater good of the world, these characters that have spent So Long being traumatised and fighting for a sliver of happiness should get to experience it properly, not spend every minute tired and sad and even hating each other before they have to die no matter what

[newpercyjfan]

“I plunge to my death” Percy Jackson Au

Ok first, if you somehow came up with this exact thing already, i wouldn’t know, I don’t even follow the Percy Jackson tag yet, but just tell me and I’ll take it down or tag it as an alt universe of your au and credit it, but I have like three other ones I’ll be posting so we’ll see.

- This au is connected to both the tv show and the book because I like what both did in terms of the arch episode.

- This mostly goes how the tv show episode goes, Percy gets poisoned, they get to the top of the arch, he sacrifices himself. But this time, he does pray to his dad as he falls over 100 ft to his death.

- His dad doesn’t answer. He’s the one who somehow last second, controls the water to save himself. He sinks to the bottom of the lake and gets stuck. He feels the poison and his wounds get slightly better.

-In this au, the nereid doesn’t actually help him get out of the water, because in this version it’s inspired by how in the books, when he left the water the wounds came back. If he leaves the lake, he could die.

- So he stays stuck there for almost three days while the nereids bring him seaweed and shit to eat, but eventually he gets sick of it.

- he learns that Poseidon didn’t really want him to leave, at least not yet, mainly because he knew if he left he would continue to be chased by monsters or die in some way and believed a war would come either way. Basically, if the Poseidon that said “heroes always end badly, I regret getting your mom pregnant” actually did something about it

- but of course, he can’t keep Perseus ‘I don’t listen to anybody but myself’ Jackson down in a lake without him going a lil crazy and he breaks the root holding him down and swims to shore, but the poison instantly kicks back in, and gets back in the water

- his father gifts him a hydrai (a large vase/urn basically that carry’s water) that holds basically a portal to the ocean in it. GUYS LISTEN, I HEARD THIS MYTH SOMEWHERE BUT WHEN I TRIED TO FIND THE SOURCE IT DISAPPEARED. I was positive I heard that there was a vase that held the ocean in it somewhere so just take my word 😭

- the mist makes it look like a water bottle with no label 😭💀💀💀

- Percy accepts the gift because he wants to get out of there, but he suddenly does not have a very good idea of the gods or specifically his father. I don’t think the nereid actually told him that his father really did care, at least a little bit, all he saw it as was his dad not thinking he would succeed/ he saw it as Zeus turning Thalia into a tree because he didn’t want to idk disprespect the other gods? Cause it was easier than defending her? That’s how Percy sees it anyways

- Meanwhile, Grover and annabeth are convinced he died. They looked and called for him, but there was no proof of his survival, so instead annabeth took his place in a lot of missions to fulfill the quest cause she’s a girl boss like that.

- I think her main theory of what happened to him is straight up “I saw him fall and didn’t see him land, so maybe he turned into the lake or a tree or something too” 💀😭

- anyways Percy gets chased by another monster but has no more fucks to give. He’s scary. He’s pale, has dark eyes and a taste for vengeance.

- he tries to find annabeth and Grover but they’re pretty ahead of him.

- my main idea is that they meet again in the underworld with hades and they are little wary honestly.

- also omg I didn’t think of this before but what if they thought, hey, he’s in the underworld, guess he did die 💀.

-But anyways what I thought would happen was annabeth and Grover get there first and annabeth has the backpack with the bolt in it. Hades asks if they wanted a trade and that’s why they came. He bluffs and tells them if they give him the bolt and the helmet he’d let go Percy’s mom or “bring back” percy. (Hades knows percy is not dead and is kinda pissed that Percy is constantly on the edge of death but making it because of his dad technically, and he can’t take him to punishment field or whatever he calls it idk)

- I think annabeth chooses percy and is about to give the bag over, but realizes he was tricked and he was never dead. But idk. There are so many diff ways this could go and I’d love to hear how you guys would write it. I’d love some reblog a that add to this idea.

Also I need unhinged percy content

(Sorry if the art or wording is bad, it’s late and I’m tired)

[asurrogateblog]

Cannibals, Pirates, and PhDs: How Did I Get Here?

I mentioned in some tags earlier that I’ve only actually been a real fan of Pink Floyd for under a year, and that the confluence of events that led up to it is pretty absurd. Some interest seemed to be taken in this, so I though I’d elaborate.

I didn’t know how to shorten this timeline and have it make any sense, so it’s... long. But idk, I think it’s pretty funny. If you’re nosy like I am this is for you.

My Backstory Timeline:

early childhood: my parents essentially mainline me and my little sister with The Beatles. I know almost no songs written past the 70’s until at least sixth grade. I develop a childhood crush on Paul McCartney, a joke that the universe really decides to play the long game on.

2014: my dad calls me over one night, and gravely tells me he’s been waiting to share something until I’m old enough. I brace myself to be told about sex or secret half-siblings. Instead, he tells me I need to listen to The Wall. Irritated at the idea of wasting an hour and half of my night, I nevertheless comply and go up to my room and put it on. I do not come back from this, clearly having inherited some sort of generational curse.

Around the same time, I am also secretly watching Hannibal every time my parents send me upstairs because Game of Thrones is “too gory”. This will trigger three important things: an interest in psychology, a love of horror media, and a classical music phase will train my attention span to last well past the three minute mark.

2014-2023: Over the intervening years, I become a casual fan of Pink Floyd, but make a deliberate point not to learn anything about the band. I like being able to imagine my own meanings for the songs. Also, I am motivated against this by a childhood memory of being deeply frightening by a picture of old Paul McCartney (LOL). I do not want that to ever happen again, so no learning.

Cut to April of 2023: I am finishing up my first year of my PhD program studying media psychology. I am in a bad place mentally, and am going through another horror movie phase to fill the hole. As a result, I get very into American Psycho. The main character, Patrick Bateman, is a fan of superficial 80’s pop music, particularly Genesis. I decide to start listening to Genesis to see if I agree with his tastes. While researching “best Genesis albums”, I come across The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. I listen to it, and am blown away. I had no idea that the Phil Collins band made music like that. This sends me down the prog-rock rabbit hole. I still won't learn any lore.

Summer of 2023: MEANWHILE, I am also going through another pirate phase. I have a fairly encyclopedic knowledge of 18th century piracy (and am still quite active in the Black Sails fan community). Around this time, I get really obsessed with this one random guy named Dennis McCarthy who was hanged in 1718.

I decide to work poor Dennis into a science fiction story I’ve been working on. The premise is essentially that the universe is an abandoned simulation, and a ‘glitch in the matrix’ starts to, among other things, bring people from the wrong time periods back to life. The format of the story is vaguely monster-of-the-week, in which the characters have to solve various problems caused by mistakes in the code. I think, “hey, you know what would be perfect for this? that fanfic I wrote about The Wall in high school.�� Said fic (which that stupid fucking beatles movie stole from me) is about a world in which Pink Floyd never existed, but a wannabe rock-star discovers a box full of their records and decides to copy them. While he is touring his plagiarized version of The Wall, he realizes that the events of the album are starting to happen to him in real life. By working this concept into my new story, I go through another one of my periodical The Wall phases. It's in full swing when fall rolls around.

September of 2023: This semester, I take a grad-level narrative theory class in the English department. I decide it would be helpful to follow along with a specific example, so I choose The Wall. Using the terminology I am learning in the class, I start to realize that The Wall is…. incredibly narratologically fucked up. To help orient me, I watch the bootleg concert recordings, and the trick with the surrogate band sends me so out of my mind that I decide I must break my rule about never learning band lore.

This is where the two plot-lines converge. I don’t remember which came first, but around this same time, I think to myself “hey, if Genesis was hiding such an incredible album under the 80’s pop, what must Pink Floyd be hiding?” On that whim, I put on Piper at the Gates of Dawn, which equally sends me so out of my mind that I decide I must break my rule about never learning band lore. I needed to know what the fuck happened to get them from Piper to The Wall.

September-November: In the two months between the onset of this and finally making another sideblog, I dedicate all of my free time to learning as much about Pink Floyd as humanely possible (and writing a 20 page essay for that narrative theory class). As you can imagine, this is a lot to unpack all at once for someone who didn’t even know who Roger or Syd or any of the rest of them were. Luckily, I am over-educated enough to be a very fast learner. Aside from the band lore itself, I of course also fall in love with the rest of Pink Floyd's discography musically-speaking. Having this interest to latch onto genuinely pulls me out of my depression.

Cut to February 2024: I am really enjoying myself, and want to keep this going as long as possible, but I am starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel on Pink Floyd lore. I decide I need to feed the fire by supplementing with lore from another band. The Beatles seem to have a strong fan presence on tumblr, why not revisit a childhood favorite? The universe laughs at my expense.

That about brings us up to date. I have gone through so much character development over the last eight months, it’s crazy. Pink Floyd is definitely one of those things that is less of a “phase” and more of a permanent part of my mindscape. Weirdly enough, since I am studying media psychology, all of this has also been really good for my career? I never took an interest in -real- media figures (as opposed to fictional characters) before, and I feel like I have a much clearer sense of things now. It's definitely influenced my research, so whatever domino effect this has on my future is bound to get even funnier.

Anyway, that’s my backstory!

[wh-am]

Will I be loved this way?

(2.2k words)

Tags: Mentions of self-harm scars and Transphobia, vomiting, hurt/comfort, you can replace the husband with anybody tbh, FTM reader!

Summary: You being Trans wasn't an issue until people make it an issue, so your husband takes his whole day just spoiling and comforting you!!

Why are people so quick to judge? It wasn't like it bothered you or anything.. or maybe it did.

You sat at a corner table in the bar where you usually went to solve your issues, contemplating your life because of what some stupid guy said.

You caring wasn't even a question at this point as you were already four drinks in, requesting another to put on your tab.

But your dysphoric mind didn't sit well with what the man had spoken, causing your mind to stir in an unsettling way that caused the urge to drink to spike.

You could still remember the cold words the man had said to you back at the bookstore, saying how you 'Weren't an actual man,' and that it was 'disgusting to see a woman pretending to be a man.'

By the time you've realized it, you were already on your sixth drink, your mind fuzzy with dysphoria and thoughts of the insensitive words, until you felt a hand on your back. By the time you turn around, you are met with a frown from your husband, the look in his eyes seeming as if he had many things to say, but he didn't.

.

.

"So. When were you going to tell me that you would be out for drinks?" Your husband says in the calmest tone he could muster, his voice sounding strained as he drove.

You couldn't even respond, staring out of the car window in defeat, knowing that whatever you would've said would've been ignored as your safety was your husband's number one priority.

"Name," your husband says in a stern tone, his voice sounding almost worrisome. "you need to start communicating with me."

You let out a deep breath you didn't even know you were holding before you turned to look at your husband in your seat, seeing that he had pulled into the driveway of your husband's shared house.

Your husband took a deep breath of frustration and sighed before turning his head to look at you, parking the car before he spoke.

"Love, I need to know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours. You know that you can say whatever you need to and I'll listen, at least, I'll try to." Your husband says in a concerned tone, as he didn't like seeing you act so astray from your usual warm self.

But you still didn't speak, unspilled tears brimming in the corners of your eyes as your lip started to quiver.

"Name, you know I love you, right?" Fuck. Those few words made a warm tear run down your face until you couldn't hold anything back anymore and started to break down into full-on sobs.

Your husband knew something was wrong from the start when he had picked you up from the bar, making him let out a soft sigh, as he tried to get you to face him.

"Name, you need a break?" Your husband asks, as you both usually watch movies and treat yourself's to a small ice cream dessert when you are stressed.

You nod your head, desperately needing your husband's comfort in this moment of insecurity.

Your husband unbuckles himself and opens the car door to get out of the driver's seat before he walks around the car to get to the passenger seat, opening the door.

As soon as you see your husband going to open the car door, you unbuckle yourself and wipe your eyes which are full of tears.

Your husband opened the car door and carefully picked you up, gently moving you into a comfortable position before closing the car door and locking it, heading to the front door of the house.

As you felt yourself being carried by your husband, you couldn't help but feel grateful for him being so understanding, nuzzling your nose in his shoulder.

He smiled softly as he felt you nuzzle closer into his shoulder, knowing it was out of comfort, as he carefully used his key to unlock the front door, carrying you inside.

He then strolled over to the main bedroom, gently placing you down on the bed as he kneeled and removed your shoes.

You couldn't help but feel your heart stutter as he took off your shoes, loving the way he pampered you when you were at your lowest.

He then got up from his kneeling position and ruffled your (h/c) colored hair. "You want to take a bath, love?" He softly asked, knowing not to overwhelm you when you were overwhelmed.

You nod your head, thinking that maybe a shower would feel much better than being in warm and overwhelming clothing.

Your husband nods his head as he whispers a small, 'I'll be right back' and leaves the room to set up the bath.

You take a deep breath and rub your eyes, as your body feels exhausted from the stress you felt and the crying you did.

The sound of the water turning on soon fills the quiet house, the echo slightly soothing your mind and body.

Your husband soon came back into the main bedroom where you were located and gently picked you up before carrying you into the bathroom.

He carefully set you on the toilet seat and helped you remove your clothing before letting you touch the water to see if it felt too hot or cold.

Your hand slowly reaches out to touch the water, the feeling creating a comfortable warmth around your hand.

"Is it warm enough?" He asks, tilting his head, as he doesn't want you to hurt yourself if it is too hot.

You nod your head, as the water wasn't too hot but it wasn't too cold either.

Your husband smiles softly as he helps you into the warm water, letting you soak your body in the soothing feeling.

He then leaned over and pressed a kiss to your forehead, giving you a soft, reassuring smile.

A few minutes pass in silence, as just the presence of him being by your side just gave you a warm feeling inside, comforting you in many ways words couldn't.

After a few reassuring words and your hair being washed by your husband's gentle hands, he made sure to wash off all the soap and got up to grab a towel.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Your husband says in a soft tone, giving you a small head pat before walking out of the bathroom and into the hallway closet, grabbing a towel.

You sit in the tub, sighing, as you wonder how you ended up marrying somebody who was so understanding.

Your husband then walks back into the bathroom, and sees your brows furrowed as if you were thinking.

"Something on your mind, love?" He says, kneeling down on the floor, placing the towel on the sink.

"Hm? Just thinking about something." You say, looking up at him.

"Alright, well, you can talk to me later if you want." He says with a soft smile, holding out your towel.

"You need help getting out?" He continues, holding out his hand in case you were too drunk to get up.

You nod your head to get up, almost slipping in the process which quickly made your husband bridal carry you back into the bedroom, making sure to cover you with a towel beforehand.

He then places you down carefully on the bed while he searches for comfortable clothes, settling on your favorite colored long sleeved shirt, and comfortable black pants.

"Want me to dry you off, dear?" Your husband says as he sets the set of clothes beside you on the bed.

You shook your head, but realized quickly that it was a mistake as the familiar feeling of nausea churned your stomach into knots.

Your husband realized the signs and made sure to quickly get a bucket, making sure he put a bag onto it to make it easy to throw away.

He says the bucket onto your lap and rubs your back with soothing circles as your hands grip the bucket, feeling saliva filling your mouth.

You groan, not feeling right as you gag, a wave of vomit leaving your mouth and into the bucket, your husband trying to soothe you with back rubs and words of praises.

"You're doing so well, dear..it's okay.." Your husband says in a reassuring and calm tone, making sure he helped keep the bucket steady with his freehand.

You vomit again, the familiar taste of bile leaving an acidic taste making you whimper.

"I know, I know.. you're almost done." Your husband says, seeing the tears brimming in your eyes.

You hiccup as you couldn't throw up anymore, not having eaten anything for breakfast this morning.

"Shh..its okay, you're okay.." Your husband says, wiping away whatever he could with tissues he had on his nightstand.

"..Let's go take a shower, okay?" He says, setting the bucket down beside the bed, bridal carrying you to the bathroom, seeing that you were struggling to stay up.

He then sets you down onto the toilet, silently conveying with his eyes that you'll give him permission to remove your clothing.

You nod your head, obviously feeling too exhausted and weary to even think of removing your own clothing.

Your husband then lifts up your shirt, whispering a small 'up' for you to lift your arms up.

You lift your arms up, letting him lift up the shirt over your head as he then moves on to your pants, removing them as you lift your hips up.

As soon as you were completely nude, you tried hiding your own body from the mirror, hating the way your self-harm scars were showing.

"Hm? What is it, my little dove?" He asks, looking down at your arms and back at you.

You didn't speak, avoiding eye contact with the mirror, and he slowly realized, his eyes softening.

"..Dove, can you look at me..?" He whispers, not forcing you if you didn't want to.You slowly look up at your husband trying to hide your arms, which makes him frown.

"Hey, hey, don't hide them from me.." He whispers, sounding concerned. "They're reminders of what you went through. Don't be ashamed of them.." He says in a reassuring tone.

You sigh in relief, feeling way better now that he told you there was nothing to be ashamed of, which made you then try to push him to shower with you for comfort.

"In.." You mumble in a small voice, trying to get your husband to understand the hint.

"In? The shower?" He asked with a knowing tone, raising a brow.

"You know what I mean." You say, huffing.

"Okay, okay.." He laughed softly, removing his own clothing, leading you both into the shower.

The water was warm against your bodies, leaving a feeling of comfort as your husband opened a bottle of shampoo.

"Close your eyes for me, my little dove." He says, waiting until you had your eyes closed, scrubbing the shampoo into your hair.

You let out a soft sigh before feeling your stomach churning again, your hands wrapping over your stomach.

Your husband wiped the soap off of his hands before helping you get out of the shower, quickly settling you over the toilet.

"Shh..shh..you're okay.." He whispers, rubbing your back as you feel yet another wave of nausea come over you.

"It's okay, dear.. you're okay.." He says while making sure you didn't have a fever besides being drunk.

.

.

After your husband had cleaned you up inside the shower again, he dried you off with a towel and made sure to choose clothing that your sensory issues wouldn't disagree with.

"How about this one?" He says, holding out one of his t-shirts, which has you practically yanking the shirt from his hands, making him shake his head and smile.

He then slides the t-shirt onto you, sliding comfortably around your body as he then chose a comfortable pair of shorts, helping you put them on.

"There we go. How is my bumblebee doing, hm?" Your husband says in a sweet tone, cupping your flushed cheeks.

".. better.." You mumble in a small voice, looking up at your husband, smiling softly as he sets a glass of water and pills beside you for stomach pain.

"Take these for me, okay? Then we'll cuddle and watch movies for however long you want." He says, smiling.

You don't even hesitate before the pill and cup of water were gone, quickly getting up to grab the necessary items to start your guy's comfortable night.

He smiles and walks into the kitchen, seeing you giddily grab the ice cream, making him come up behind you and pick you up into his arms, startling you a bit.

"What is my sneaky little mouse doing?" He chuckles, bridal carrying you to the couch, placing you down onto the blanket he brought.

You smile and laugh, cuddling closely to him, trying to hide the fact that your dysphoria was slowly creeping back into your mind.

He instantly saw through your smile and just brought you closer, not mentioning anything.

"..I love you, my handsome prince. There is no other man I would ever be with in any lifetimes." He whispers reassuringly, making you hide your face into his shoulder as you sniffle.

"I love you.."

"I love you too, my prince.."

[dreamtydraw]

I'm noisy tonight-

THANK YOU TO THE TWO PEOPLE WHO ASKED, I WILL NOW DELIVER WITH A FULL LIST ( or at least list of the ones I can remember ) OF WEIRD ANON I GOT CAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE VERY WEIRD-

OLBA

-Can you draw Cove wearing a bikini ? 5/10 still don't know how I should feel about this one.

-Can you draw Baxter in a bunny girl costume? 4/10 I'll put this one fault on the weird period where people were making very inappropriate fanart of baxter on main tag, still weird to ask me tho.

-Can you draw Derek pregnant ? 6/10 Very creepy cause this ask came out right after I said I really liked him.

-Can you draw Cliff pregnant ? 9/10 This one was clearly targeted because it came out right after I answered an ask saying he was my favorite non romanceable character and said pregnant asks made me uncomfortable.

-Is Cerise retarded ? 10/10 Forgot about this ask for a while cause I didn't know it was such a strong slur back then but genuinely What the fuck-

OLNF

-Can you draw Qiu wearing a sexy office skirt ? 7/10 Gave me the ick.

-Can you draw Qiu in a maid ouftit ? 4/10 Guys you need to understand that some types of fandom clothings people likes to put character in are fetish art content and I don't want to do that. ( not saying all maid outfit art are art fetish, but many are )

-Why is one of the twins white ? 3/10 Weird af to ask but now it makes me laugh. Context both twins are Wasian. ( the twins are my oc Darcie and Valentin )

-Qiu is a man, it's just a phase 10/10 Ahahaha- always love transphobes in my trans inclusive fandom-

-Why are you so obsess to have her win because she's fat ? 6/10 Contexte : received this ask during the cottagecore lesbian poll where I was very invested in ( Tamarack won btw <3 )

-I like your art but why do you always try to start drama ? 10/10 Contexte : me "starting drama" was just saying that doing nsfw of underage characters is weird af.

-I'll draw Tamarack skinny, cry about it 10/10 Shaking in my boots ngl- Contexte : Made a post about people needing to learn to draw fat anatomy better regarding tamarack fanart.

OTHER CATTEGORY

-Valentin and Qiu are so cute together ! One of my fav fanon ship 0/10 Anon I'm sorry to break it to you but Valentin is a lesbian.

-Can you draw Valentin and Qiu wearing a Qiapo ? 3/10 Valentin is half koreaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan-

[dextixer]

Yknow, at first i thought i would just make a thread telling everyone how manipulative this post about how "I dont hate critique but critique bad" is, to warn people about snakes in the FNDM hiding in the grass.

But then this utter clownshoes decided to invoke Monty, to talk about Montys wishes. To weaponize a dead person as a cudgel for a fucking internet argument.

This is why i hate most of the RWBY FNDM, because they are all sunshine and rainbows, all progressive, all nice people, or at least they portray themselves to be until they take off their fucking masks. And then all of these supposedly nice people reveal themselves to be manipulative ratfucks.

So, lets be very clear. If you invoke Monty in your shitty internet arguments, you are just a morally defunct person, you are lower than fucking trash. He is a deceased man. His corpse is not there for you to parade him like a fucking puppet for your own arguments.

The fact that it follows a fake ass "nice guy" facade is just the icing on the cake.

Despite the claims of the OP, they were not "suggesting that hate discourages people" they were being a snakey fuck by at first saying "Criticism isnt bad" and then outlining literally EVERY single tired anti-criticism buzzword phrase in existence. Everyone fucking knows that most of the time "Im not saying x is bad BUUUUUT" leads to the person revealing that, yeah, they are saying that X is bad. Its the most fucking elementary silencer for any argument in existence.

We have the ol reliables of

>"If you no like, just leave" >Conflating criticism with hate >Implying that people should not criticize passion projects >Implying that RWBY receives unique kind of criticism that no other thing does

Alongside that we also have some weird implications that RWBY is disliked for being "cringe" and of course, more instances of conflating criticism with "hate". If one pays attention they could easily spot a pattern, take a shot of your favourite drink anytime you see the word "hate" or its synonim when the supposed thread is supposed to be about criticsm.

As far as for the second part of the post that comes after my reply.

Criticism does not have to be constructive, its good when it is, but if a person can see something wrong, they can say its wrong without offering a solution. I dont need to be a professional doctor to see a bone sticking out where it shouldnt be etc.

And lets get back to the old sticking point "Oh, but why does RWBY have separate critic communities".

Because the fandom MADE it a fucking necessity! Just like with shows like Game of Thrones and many others! You think critic spaces or subreddits are some kind of never seen before thing before RWBY?!

The only reason RWBY has them is because of the fucking Fandom!

The RWDE tag on tumblr only exists because people were ASKED for criticism to be something that people could avoid, by tagging a post as RWDE anyone using this platform can easily blacklist the tag and NEVER see anything from it! And yet the Fandom instead of doing so CONSTANTLY comes into the tag, and then constantly bitches and whines about how criticism exists!

The critics subreddit exists because most people there were slowly pushed away from the main sub. It didnt START as that, but it became that when the mods of r/RWBY decided that instead of moderating discussions they would rather throw out all the critics because fans would NEVER behave in critical posts and would either mass report them or cause conflict!

Whether someone likes RWBY or not has NOTHING to do with personal morality. Its also extremelly ironic that there are constant "uwu, people say me bad because i like RWBY" claims with nothing to back them up while on places like twitter you can see RWBY twitter accounts say that anyone who dislikes RWBY is just a misogynist or the like.

I would rather take the most toxic critic foaming at the mouth about how RWBY is bad over people like op, ratfuck snakes who pretend to have no problem with criticism while sneaking in the same fucking anti-criticism shit into their threads.

I dont even criticize RWBY that much anymore and i mostly just tell the critics spaces to not even talk to the larger fandom, and its because of dipshits like the OP.

Because the RWBY FNDM is full of these nice presenting, nice writing manipulative jackasses who are just smiles and rainbows while saying the same tired bullshit as always. Just a reminder, just because someone is "polite" does not mean they are not full of shit.

[cheemken]

OUGH just wanted to let you know I'm storing all these hcs away that when I have the time and energy to write it out, I will. Something about Drayton is just making me rattle the bars of my cage fr fr

Gosh speaking of Drayton not being able to keep up with training + staying up for Iris, it reminds me of that other ask where Iris finds him asleep at the table. Just picturing she's holding Drayton's hand, feeling her heart break to pieces when she can circle her fingers around his wrist.

With the clothes Drayton is wearing + training he tries and fails to complete, maybe it hides how he's a smidge underweight for someone his age and height. Maybe he eats late or skips meals altogether because he prefers catching a nap than eating, and because he wants to eat with Iris. He keeps snacking on various snacks in the clubroom cause it staves off feeling hungry but it's not enough for a growing body y'know?

Now I'm also picturing Crispin, who doesn't fully understand but he too once grabbed Drayton's hand for whatever reason and like Iris, notices how his fingers can almost circle around Drayton's wrist. He knows at least that for a guy like Drayton, he shouldn't be able to do that. Crispin loves cooking, and he wants people to eat what they need cause 'food's important for your development!!' so he starts making 'test dishes' and having Drayton be his main taste tester.

Drayton has token complaints but he can't say no, not when Crispin's earnest eyes are looking at him and genuinely wants feedback so he eats, easing hunger that he wasn't really paying attention to. It becomes a routine, so much so that when Drayton sees Crispin with a box or dish he's just 'okay lay it on me. What is it this time?'

Just love these kids sm fr. I like to think that, for all their bickering, they care and look out for one another

Oughghgh your honour this is melting my fucking heart too holy shit😭😭

No but that's so sweet of Crispin tho, that he also finds out abt Drayton not eating much so he makes him food which he disguises as his test dishes, but really, it's also a way to find out what dishes Drayton actually likes so he can make more of it for him

But what also gets me is the fact Drayton did have a dialogue going on how he likes the Academy Special or smth bc it's soft and he can gulp it down, barely even have to chew, so idk what to make of that without like,, y'know making it triggering for peeps so yeah ask me to tag stuff bc this involves,, this. Anyways, y'know, I do wanna say that's not on him being lazy that he doesn't chew his food much, rather, he just doesn't have the energy for it, or he just have a handful of food he can actually stomach down. Or he's a picky eater which then I will proceed to project lmfaooo

But also it'd be sweet tho if Iris does try to bring food from other regions back home after every Champion meet ups. Like yeah she sometimes come home late, but she always try to head home at least a lil bit earlier, oftentimes leaving the league duties to Hilbert for a bit, just so she can hang out w Drayton who she now knows always wait for her to come back home. So far he likes the curry from Galar bc it reminds of the one Crispin made too

That'd be so cute tho, Iris catching up w him, asking him abt his friends, she knows better than to ask him abt his classes

And he's there telling her abt how this one guy, Kieran, managed to beat him and became the BB League Champion, but now he isn't Champion and didn't join the league again. Then he tells her abt his friends, the E4, Carmine, and even some other students that talk to him. He then mentions abt the curry Crispin made too, how it's similar to the one Iris made, and Iris asks more abt him

And yeah, tells her how Crispin always makes these test dishes and would have him taste it first, some are good, some aren't much, but he loves how Crispin makes him his favourites sometimes

Imagine Iris smiling at that tho, that at least he eats well at school, when she subtly reached out to grab his wrist again while he was talking more abt his friends, she noticed it wasn't all skin and bone anymore, which lifted her spirits a bit, it was a small change but it was a change she'd love to see more of. Drayton said Crispin wanted to be a chef, well, perhaps as a thanks, Iris could pull some strings and have Diantha agree to let Siebold teach Crispin more abt being a chef, she thinks it's only fair for taking care of her brother while she's away

After catching up, Drayton grew tired, ofc, it was rather late, he stayed up late again for her, she tells him everytime he doesn't have to, but he really wants to. Imagine tho like true siblings Drayton asks Iris to carry him cause "what's the point of all that training with gramps if you won't put your muscles to good use."

"and good use being me carrying you to your own room?"

He gives her a cheeky smile all "yeah," which then made her roll her eyes at him

"fine, just this one time."

And just deadass gives him a piggyback ride lmfao, she's just "you're getting old for this, Dray."

"no I'm not, plus you owe me, you missed our training day so now you have to carry me."

But imagine tho as she's carrying him to his room, he fell asleep, and Iris finally noticed he wasn't as light as he was before, he grew a bit heavier than she last remembered, and that actually made her happy; she really has to give her thanks to Drayton's friends for taking care of him while she was away doing her Champion duties. But also her making a promise to herself to be on break for a bit and have Hilbert deal w being Unova's Champion while she really catches up w her brother, ofc, it's been a while, and she'd rather not have him stay up late again just to wait for her to come back home

[somerandomcryptid]

don’t mind me just thinking about how Cryptid hoped dod!Sam would be another Wren but ended up thinking of him as another Dream don’t mind me haha

the thing that tears them apart isn’t Sam’s obsession with Dream nope nu uh he doesn’t get all hostile nope. Sam is a perfectly healthy indivigual who would never ignore his adopted child’s words in favor of blaming everything on dream and making them feel like they’re broken for being attached to him

he doesn’t patronize them and say.. questionable things because of their age, no no. Sam is the perfect dad and leaves no mental scars i promise

Cryptid leaves him for very unjustified and brainwashed reasons. because obviously Cryptid has to be at least a bit brainwashed because as a minor, they’re innocent and don’t like, have decison making capiblitys and Dream is manipulative and evil so obviously it’s his fault :)

bro I love dreaming of death!sam he’s such a fucked up little guy, he actually thinks like this(not exactly because obviously I’m being incrediably sarcastic but you know) like I just. I would absolutely hate him if I ever met him(I am now realizing I might be projecting my experiences with some authority figures. huh.). he’s like. he seems so nice. and has good intentions, but he just emds up causing so so much harm

fucked up little man <3 (he’s actually like 7 feet tall but shhhh)

(I’ve decided I’m main-tagging this so incase you’re new here, Dreaming of death is my au of the fic Penpal by @calamari-minecraft-corner)

[elgascreamslikehell]

So, as long as i have insomnia (it's hard to find a mental issue I don't have rn, i mean I'm fucking Ash Ketchum but with mental issues instead of Pokemon's, catch them all, bitch)

I started a new story!

To basically scratch every itch i still have. I know basically all the main events in this story, i still can't decide if i want a happy ending or DEATH ANGST SUFFERING cause i love me some angst but i kinda want it to be nice in the very end? Somebody should be happy it's definitely not me then at least it should be my favourite fictional characters.

Anyway.

WIP WEDNESDAY!

‘Hey, Eddie!’, - Buck is smiling like today is not Monday. Buck really has this sweet smile which Eddie used to like… in the past. He remembers vividly the exact moment he decided he doesn't like this smile anymore. ‘She sees me’.  The exact moment his heart collapsed. Apparently though, ‘she saw him’ for not too long. For an even shorter period than Eddie himself tried - and hell he did try hard - to build something with Marisol which was obviously just a desperate attempt to distract himself from the sad truth. Where the truth was - he loved Evan fucking Buckley. His path to accept his queerness was hard enough. His path to accept that he is close to fail his friendship was brutal. He, anyhow, managed to deal with all of this. At least he was pretty sure he did. And now Buck just smiles at him. Like nothing even happened. Like he didn't smash Eddie's heart with three words. ‘Are you going with us to the bar after work? I want you all to meet someone!’. Eddie grins: ��Of course. I hope it's nice someone this time’ To be honest, Eddie doesn't give a damn, who this person is. But he can play pretend perfectly. Even with Buck. Okay, especially with Buck. And where did 'you shouldn't pretend with me' go? *** ‘So, who do you think Buck would introduce?’, - Hen is pouring beer but she looks directly at Eddie. He doesn't like it though. ‘I have no idea…’, - and not that he wants to know. And why does Hen think he knows? ‘We haven't discussed his adventures much, so I'm in the same position as you are’ Hen's face is unimpressed: ‘Well, I hardly doubt it. I mean you and Buck…’, - Eddie interrupts her: ‘Are friends. Lately not even close ones i think… Why don't you ask Chim? He's his brother-in-law, he should know’ Hen stares at Eddie's face for a minute searching for something with no success: ‘Ok, if you say so’, - she's definitely not convinced but at least she stopped questioning him, switched to Chim. Apparently, he also doesn't know anything.  When Buck's entering the bar and Eddie sees him - his heart collapses again. It's getting annoying but he can't do anything with it. Because there's Buck, looking damn gorgeous, and… there's this guy, having his hand on Buck's waist. And Buck smiles. ‘So, guys… meet Sam!’ And here goes this specific pause when everything just stopps and all the sound go down, this pause needs to be broken immediately. And Eddie is the one who breaks it with: 'Well, better than I expected. Nice to meet you ', - and he is the first to shake this guy's hand. Right under the sympathetic glances of Hen and Chimney. Very sympathetic. Very uncomfortable.  He can manage this, right? He just has to.

I won't tag anyone cause today I feel like everyone hate me cause i hate myself but I'll be creating a taglist from interaction to this post.

I still write mostly because my mind needs to be away from reality, so I'll be writing anyway and spamming your feed so if it bothers you (i mean i mostly post writings and memes so i have some questions) you can ignore my writing tag.

[mandy4ever69420]

What’s your solution to Kash situation then?

interesting question! i said in the tags, there's not a GREAT solution - the harm is already taking place, unfortunately. so the main goal if you were "feet on the ground" in this situation is to prevent it from continuing or reduce its impact. i'm not an expert in defusing abusive situations, i'm sure someone with more time could give some more specific solutions but i CAN spitball really quick:

removing kash from a position of power/regular contact with ian

this is the sort of thing best suited to someone in a position like linda's. in this case the largest single cause of abuse is kash's opportunity and influence. so, see: "you can no longer work managing this store, find a different job and i'll literally hire a some teenager to work with ian" - when kash tried to move his relationship to ian to any place outside of the store physically, ian instinctively freaks out because of the unfamiliarity of the situation.

getting ian a different job

this one is frustrating, because it really doesn't do anything to stop kash from repeating his pattern on just another young hire, but being in the position to just have ian attending some other location - a fucking wal mart, who gives a shit - daily, taking up his time and creating distance, he'd be less inclined to keep believing he is as close to kash as he thinks

redirecting ian's time and attention

this is the closest to the actual end of the situation in the text - the second ian meets someone his age to obsess over, he pretty much immediately loses interest in kash. though mickey was delightful, i'd bet literally any boy his age would've been interesting & comfortable enough that he would have lost interest in kash. he doesn't drop the habit of sleeping with older dudes after finding someone his age, but he also never seems to respect or care for any of the other sad fucked up relationships he's in.

it's important in situations with kids to try to NOT seem like the enemy, up to and including seeming like you just think kash is the bad guy, even though he is. lip panics, understandably, because shock, fear, and disgust are THE most natural emotional responses, but this causes him to yell at ian, leaving ian on the defensive. there's no blame to be placed on lip here as he handled this the best he could given his age and limitations in perspective. it's surprising he was aware at all that a young handsome unthreatening man was a predator, since that's just not the image you learn about

offering ian a safer, different, avenue to get the things he's missing, which are being offered by kash

one of the most standout points, and the thing that caused me to feel the most anger watching kash, was when he responds with "that's amazing, i'm so proud of you!" because that was INDISPUTABLY something ian needed to hear (even though the achievement was fucking stupid. military) -- it seems fiona is ABLE to see his accomplishments, but ian either can't take it seriously because he DOESN'T see her as an adult to rely upon (because he sees her youth and her pain) OR, she doesn't mention the ways she's proud of him often, because she assumes he knows, given he portrays a calm and confident exterior, or because she's busy and absent

ian's isolation also pushes him towards kash - he knows being gay is unsafe, but he NEEDS to talk about it. he feels some level of fear, which can only be understood in the context of him being gay, or at least, knows how his experiences are innately different from those of his peers, which he can discuss with kash. much as mandy lacked the perspective necessary to see kash & ian as anything but a slightly scandalous and exciting relationship, i think giving ian a sense of a safe place to land, someone to talk to, reduced his sense of reliance upon kash's interest significantly.

(also, though i don't think ian is materially aware that his lack of access to nice things influences his decision making - "what about what i bought for him, huh?" - just, cutting kash from his "ian money" and leaving it as "ian's money for nice things" would reduce ian's sense of loss at the relationship, and hopefully leave him confident enough to start moving past)

--> though i hate to take any of this into offering direct sympathy towards kash, reducing HIS fear (in this case, of homophobia) might also just prevent him from taking advantage of someone who is not in a position to judge or say no to him. unfortunately, i really don't know what makes people like this tick, so i don't know the best way to just, teach it out of someone. i am not a psychiatrist.

taking care of the emotional needs of a victim is always priority over the urge to punish a perpetrator

ian seems emotionally fine, which is weirdly a thing that can and does happen, but if we take his safety as the goal over making everything right, then months or years down the road a very important thing is just giving him a good avenue to emotionally process where he's been. people recover faster from traumas if they're given their own space and time to do so, and received without judgement.

institutional stuff:

these are harder things to implement that would have greater impact on the prevalence of grooming just in general. clearly, as a single person directly involved in this situation, this would be pretty much impossible to implement. but a big part of what comes up in discussions of abolitionist perspectives on child abusers is "oh but this happens so much, how would you deal with abusers without prisons?"

people tend to think of grooming and abuse as sort of isolated incidents in a weird pattern. but they are very much institutionally enabled by isolating people and often only offering exit strategies that involve causing harm to a perpetrator. no one who cares about their abuser, as many people DO, wants to send them to prison to be brutalized

SO:

giving kids more, normaller relationships to adults

if every adult in your life is an authority figure that you can't talk to as a friend, and can only look up to as a judge, you have nothing to compare as a healthy friendship with an adult against stuff like what kash had going on, where he's determined to be the boyfriend and the dad you never had

also: having more adults means less sense that you need approval and support, because, well, you can see how fucking stupid random people are, AND it means more opportunity that someone may notice and be proud when you achieve something - if, random example, your parents happen to suck and be absent, having a random nice friend at idk like bowling club be like "wow, awesome job!" offers similar validation, leaving a kid like ian less reliant on the frank-or-monica-or-kashes of the world

this could look like: more and better funded teachers in schools, all-ages events, greater connection to extended family, extended family's friends, or something else!

just, less with the homophobia, or sex stigma in general

one of the strongest weapons in kash's arsenal with regards to keeping ian's mouth shut, and keeping ian feeling reliant on him, is that ian IS in real danger for being gay -- like i said, you can't even call the cops on kash safely, because this outs ian publicly!

in other, similar, situations, even between like an adult man and a young girl, just having stigmatization around interest or questions about sex totally blockades the ability to gauge whether the person they're talking to is safe or not. so the thought: sure, it's weird, it gets a little uncomfortable, but this is the only person you can talk about with.

some adults in shameless actually, mostly unintentionally, offer some recourse to this by being decent and nonjudgemntal enough to talk to. fiona handles alright her siblings' interest in relationships as they grow up. not perfectly, of course, since debbie's sense she can't rely on anyone older, and ian's secrecy and unrealized need for approval and support lead them both into relationships with adult men. fiona also doesn't offer this judgement-free "you being safe? ok, that's all i need to know" perspective to anyone she's NOT related to - she's pretty judgemental towards mandy, probably anybody she can categorize as "other" enough to not view with the consideration she does her own siblings.

even in like, a perfect world, though, it's not possible to completely eliminate abuse. this is where the -- Focus on ensuring the victim is okay, offering care and recovery, not on revenge against a perpetrator.

FOR THE RECORD:

i don't mind getting questions like this! these come up when you talk about the dangers of calling the cops, or the rights abuses of the prison system A LOT - it's worth noting, i'm sure these ideas are written about in abolitionist lit, but i feel like sometimes when someone reaches out with "i heard you point out the problem, what the fuck do we do about it??" it's really common for people to be rude and dismissive to say - even though it's true - "i don't have a perfect solution, i can just say that the idea given as default is NOT one" it's a very very good followup question to "holy fuck, this doesn't work" to wonder "what would?". that's actually the only way forward!

to close off, my extremely negative reaction to "someone SHOULD have called the cops" doesn't mean if lip HAD i'd really hold it against him - active cases of assault are some of the only situations in which i can see that a bludgeoning instrument like a cop may be a reasonable response. just please consider the ramifications of a legal case. placing anger or blame on someone for NOT calling the cops on a man of color so he could be brutalized by homophobes and racists while putting his victim under the spotlight of the court system is very shortsighted.

[thundcrstruck]

If you wish to Interact with me at all, Please send me some Memes and lets turn them into threads. Or like my Starter Call or Mains Call, Tag me in a Starter and let's keep it going. But if I never get any idea that you want to interact with my boy then I will remove you from my friends list.. I give people a few days to make contact with me, I am not saying you gotta reply to a starter or thread right away. I never rush any of my RP Partners. But I do ask that you make an attempt to let me know your interested. Cause I am not here to collect followers for a high follower count. I could care fucking less about the number count, if I just have 10 followers but they all interact and write with my boy then that is fine with me. I didn't remake Thor just to have everyone use him as a number. So please interact with me somehow. I am doing this differently this time, go like my Starter Call or Mains Call. Or shoot me some Memes soon, or by Monday if I don't have a like or a meme at least I may unfollow you. I am not trying to be rude, I just am eager to write with you guys. That is why I follow you all, and go read my Carrd please. All the info is there along with my Rules. Kay, thanks babies, I do hope you all are having a wonderful evening so far. <3