#fuck i want cheese so badly right now

[pfhwrittes]

hellllo p, 🍫 cheese or chocolate? (and please elaborate. name names.)

hi syyyy! 💜

🍫 - oh man i can't choose! okay, if we ignore my lactose intolerance which is probably a mild dairy allergy i'm gonna pick cheese all day every day.

you want cheese recs? you've gotta try wensleydale cheese. it's a mild, creamy and slightly crumbly cheese (10/10 for nibbling chunks off standing in front of the fridge). there's a version of it with cranberries in, which is popular as fuck around christmas.

next up, try caerphilly cheese. another milder cheese. less creamy than wensleydale but still very good! as a treat i buy a little bit now and then and eat it straight out the wrapper.

(and finally, i'm going to cheat and recommend people try monty bojangle's choccy scoffy truffles. they're considered to be a dark chocolate over here and they are VERY good.)

emoji ask game

[firehose118]

Let me get a taste

{ao3 link}

“Hen asked if we’re fucking,” Tommy says as he sits down at their table with his cake.

“Uh, what?” Buck asks. There’s no way he heard Tommy correctly.

“Hen asked if we’re fucking,” Tommy repeats. He gestures between them with his fork. “You and me. Well, I guess technically she and Karen both asked. They ambushed me to ask about my intentions.”

He takes a bite of cake and eats it slowly, moaning at the taste, just to be an asshole and rub it in Buck’s face that he can’t have any. Buck sometimes wishes he was the kind of person who found that annoying, but he likes it when Tommy does stuff like this; teases him and plays with him just this side of mean. Really likes it. And Tommy knows it.

“What’d you say?” Buck asks, a little dazed, caught in the fantasy of licking frosting off of Tommy’s lip.

He wants cake so badly. It’s bad enough he had to skip the mac & cheese at the buffet, now this? The cake on Tommy’s plate looks soft and fruity. Fuck keto. Fuck bodybuilding. It’s not fair.

Tommy licks frosting off of his fork and Buck salivates. “I told them we’re taking it slow. You’re setting the pace, and I’m just trying to keep up.” He lifts an eyebrow and savors another bite of cake

Buck laughs. “You made it sound like we’re fucking like rabbits.”

“Mhmm,” Tommy says around the cake in his mouth.

“And you… also said we’re taking it slow?” Buck’s eyebrows pull together in confusion.

“I did. They’re gonna have a hell of a time figuring that one out.” Tommy smiles as he takes the next bite of cake, obviously proud of the trick he’s played on their friends.

“You might be evil,” Buck teases.

“You love it,” Tommy says, scrunching his nose. “And anyway, it’s none of their business. You’re not a teenage girl in 1954, going out with some biker from the wrong side of the tracks. You’re a grown man. You can suss out my intentions for yourself. I’d hope you know by now that I didn’t agree to a second date at your sister’s wedding just to get in your pants.”

“I do know that,” Buck assures him. Their sex life is pretty active—very satisfying—but they’ve spent far more time talking, working out, cooking, and even cuddling than they have with their dicks out. It’s probably the most well-rounded relationship Buck has ever had. He feels respected. “You’re a total gentleman.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. I have to admit,” Tommy pitches his voice down, “seeing you in that medal… I’m feeling a little less than honorable right now.” He gathers the last bite of cake onto his fork.

Buck feels a thrill run through his body at Tommy’s words, but he’s watching that cake with rapt attention. “Give me the last bite,” he says. He sounds pleading even to his own ears, so he doubles down. “Tommy, please.”

“No,” Tommy deadpans. “If you’re gonna break ketosis, you’re gonna do it with someone else’s cake.”

“I don’t want someone else’s cake, baby, I want yours.” Buck goes for charming, flirty, seductive, but he’s desperate. He hasn’t had any carbs in days and the cake smells so good. He’s about to launch himself at Tommy and take that last forkful of cake himself.

“Mmm, lucky me,” Tommy purrs. “Pretty boy wants my cake all to himself and here I am, just trying to keep up.”

Tommy pops the cake into his mouth just as Buck lunges at it. His hand lands on Tommy’s empty plate.

“Evil!” Buck gasps, laughing.

“You love it,” Tommy repeats around his mouthful of cake.

“I really do.”

Tommy barely has time to swallow before Buck is kissing him; open-mouthed and honestly a little too dirty considering where they are and which homophobic captains are still around. Buck is chasing the taste of cake and frosting on Tommy’s lips, on his tongue, and he can’t help but moan as the flavors swirl and burst to life in his mouth: vanilla and strawberry and Tommy. He’s never tasted anything better.

Tommy pulls back before Buck starts licking the sugar off of his teeth. He presses a hand into Buck’s chest to gently push him back into his seat.

“Easy there, Evan. We’re still in public.”

“We got medals for breaking the law.” Buck’s eyes are dark, hungry. Now that he’s had a taste he wants seconds, thirds. Tommy’s been teasing him and all Buck wants is to get his mouth back on Tommy and never come up for air. “We can do whatever we want.”

Tommy laughs. “If only that were true. Save your appetite, though. I might have some cake you can eat at home.” He smirks, eyebrow raised. “If you behave.”

Buck smiles, wide and flirty. “Is it keto-friendly?” He leans closer again.

“All protein, baby.”

[gay4abby]

Hi sweet can i request something about sleeping with jordan? like if they would be big or little spoon, if they snore... i bet they murmurs when you leave their arms and smile when see you peacefuly sleeping ❤️‍🩹 I saw someone saying on twt that there is a glimpse of Jordan with his leg over Marie's body when they wake up together and I'm still thinking about it damn 🥴

When You Sleep !!

iiiiii REMEMBER THIS!! EP 5 i rewatched that scene so many times im pretty sure my cia agent was concerned so glad u sent this in hope u enjoy! (y/p stands for your pronouns ☺️) ‹𝟥

⋆ Contrary to popular belief, Jordan is both a little spoon and a big spoon.

⋆ When you guys are cuddling, they like to make sure your head is in between their shoulder blade and neck. Having you as close as possible was always a must for Jordan.

⋆ The pair of you like to take naps together in either dorm room, planning on sleeping for only 2 hours but then waking up and realising it's three a.m.

⋆ It's funny actually, you'll miss class and then you're both sweaty from all the maneuvering which means you have to take a shower. And what better way to get cleaned properly than having someone there to make sure you got all the right places.

⋆ Jordan likes to have their hand cradling your neck while they sleep. A lot of time you'll feel their hand brushing along the nape of your neck, drawing circles along the hairline. Sometimes it’s fine unconsciously, others is when they’re anxiety is through the roof and they need some grounding.

⋆ Whenever you’re sleeping, Jordan sometimes lays watch just to study you. They actually can’t believe they’ve met someone as divinely perfect as you and it sometimes makes them second guess themselves.

⋆ Jordan doesn’t snore, but they do this thing where it seems like they’ll stop breathing for a second and it scares the living shit out of you that they have to tell you it’s completely normal and they can’t really do anything about it.

⋆ They have full blown conversations in their sleep! One time, you guys were napping and you thought you were dreaming until you turned around to see Jordan just…talking. Like as if they were awake.

⋆ “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” “It wasn’t supposed to go there and now you’ve gone and fucked it all up!” “You’ve ruined the surprise what if (y/p) doesn’t like it anymore ):” AND YOU’LL SEE THE FROWN TOO RIGHT AFTER THEY SAY THAT.

⋆ Their dreams are very vivid and you’ll catch them reenacting whatever the fuck is going on in their heads. It’s nothing ever traumatic, just sweet wholesome dreams that consist of them always wanting to do something for you.

⋆ “Babe, you were talking in your sleep again.” “I was? Fuck! Did I say anything embarrassing?”

⋆ They’re so clingy!!! You’ll wake up from your over extended nap and find your limbs completely tangled up with Jordan’s. And depending on which form they take during that time, like their male form, you’ll find yourself smothered by their whole body.

⋆ Getting up to pee is a workout. Even though Jordan is much smaller than you in their female form, their strength is an unbeatable match. They’ll have their arm secured tightly around your waist and when you try to move it’s rock solid so you’ll just bounce back with a huff.

⋆ Blanket hogger Jordan Li! My god, trying to share a blanket with them is like participating in a tug of war match. You love sleeping with them, so that’s why you always make sure to have your own blanket when you take your nap sessions.

⋆ Jordan smiles in their sleep, A LOT. Like sometimes you think you’re going crazy, but they be cheesing and you always wonder what’s going on in that pretty head of theirs.

⋆ Jordan likes it when you fall asleep first because they want to make sure you’re safe and sound before drifting off. They’re always on high alert before your nap sessions and they sometimes thinks it’s too much, but you always reassure them that you love it badly.

⋆ So, Jordan talking in their sleep. Let’s get back to that. If it’s not full blown sentences, you’ll catch them just softly saying your name over and over again. Like a mantra.

⋆ You’re in class and Jordan has a day off, you’ll get a string of texts telling you to come back to their room when you’re done with classes because they have something prepared. And you walk into their dorm to see a mountain of clouds (it’s a bunch of blankets) on the ground with a makeshift awning.

⋆ “Surprise!” “What’s all this?” “We’re barricading ourselves in my dorm for the entire weekend and you can’t say no.” “Wasn’t going to anyway, baby.”

⋆ You both wear each others clothes before you take a nap because “it makes you feel closer to one another,” you guys are disgustingly cute.

⋆ Jordan in their female form cuddling you is so adorable!!!!! because she has both arms wrapped around you from the back so even if their arm falls asleep they wouldn’t care. She quite literally disappears when she’s behind you.

⋆ Depending on the length of your hair and texture, Jordan would sometimes play with the strands while you sleep (and if you don’t have any hair at all, they’ll just massage your temples and give you head rubs ): I’m choking).

⋆ Jordan moves a lot in their sleep. When you both started your nap sessions, they were hesitant because they hope that didn’t bother you. After you guys woke up, he asked if it did and you looked at him confused like ??? What the fuck are you talking about?

⋆ “So I didn’t move at all?” “Jordan, what? We were in the same position for 2 hours.” And alarm bells go off in their head like !!!!!!! you’re my cure!!!!

⋆ Since your naps span on for hours, you’ll both wake up thirsty and sweaty, prompting them to dive into their mini fridge to get you both cold water bottles.

⋆ Jordan doesn’t like the pillows you have because they said that it’s not as comfortable as it is laying on you. So when they’re the little spoon and the nap session is happening in your dorm, you are their human body pillow!!!

⋆ And when they’re the big spoon, they just bring their own pillows lol.

⋆ Nap sessions have become tradition with you both since you’re both always so sleepy. Jordan never passes up the opportunity to be able to nap with you, it’s a different level of intimacy that Jordan isn’t used to.

⋆ You make them crave domesticity, so the naps give them a semblance of that. You are their home and they feel comfortable being able to sleep however when it’s with you.

[chengfagshi]

I ended up making this post which got like...way more traction than I ever wanted. But ppl are missing the point so bad so I'm venting about it. Like this one person??

They're saying shit like "do you live on twitter?" As they are CONSTANTLY bringing up tiktok on every single comment they make. Bitch, do you live on tiktok?? What are we on RIGHT NOW? We are on twitter. I am talking about twitter (because I saw a post ON TWITTER where someone said "There is so much grape in BL") and ppl using those terms irl. Also I don't think it's good to be like "✨️cheese pizza✨️" on tiktok when you're talking about CSEM. Someone also brought up a good point that ppl on tiktok were using "borrowing mascara" as a euphemism for rape. Like?? Also, idk how to tell y'all this, but some victims would like to mute and words so they don't have to see it. If you're making 5000 fucking euphemisms for rape or CSEM, how are victims supposed to mute them all? And also, if you're worried about censorship so badly, you could say C*em or r@p3 or SOMETHING besides child corn. Ffs.

[milkypompon]

pairing: Nathan Bateman x F!Reader

summary: Did you wake up in your boss' bed after a night together? Oops...

content: Fluff, morning after, talks of sex, sprinkles of smut

wc: 642

a/n: I am balls deep into Nathan Bateman... I'm rewatching Ex Machina and couldn't help but write for this pathetically genius man.

Main Masterlist

–

The bed underneath you was plush… too soft even.

You roll around in the sheets and still haven’t fallen off the single-sized mattress.

Oh, fuck. 

This was a king-sized mattress. 

And it wasn’t yours for that matter.

“You going to piss on my pillows next? C’mon, finish marking your territory.” A lilt of amusement hidden behind the gruff smirk catches you off-guard.

“I already did last night.” You throw said pillows at Nathan, he sidessteps each one. “Where’d you put my phone?”

Nathan chuckles and leans against the door frame, a towel wrapped low on his waist – freshly bathed with water droplets clinging to his chest. 

You knew that you’d be caught staring anyway, so you didn’t bother being discreet about it.

“Are you gonna take pictures to use as references for solo sessions?” He pushes up his glasses, making a show of it with his fingers. 

You rub the sleep out of your eyes, ineffectively stopping last night’s memories from seeping in. Those deliciously thick digits that plugged his cum back into your cunt, threatening to spill out to his annoyance. 

“Just give it back, Bateman. You and I got shit to do.”

Nathan pouts.

He fucking pouts.

You almost feel bad for wanting to leave but reality gave you a cold-wash of “you just slept with your boss”. 

“Quit thinking so hard, you’re gonna fry your brain.” He fishes your phone from god knows where because he certainly didn’t have pockets sewn into the towel.

“Was that between your ass cheeks?”

He tosses your phone back. “A magician never reveals his secrets.”

The view is “not safe for work” to say the least. 

Your bare back is pressed against the bed, your stiffening nipples exposed to the cool air. The only thing covering you up right now was the thin sheet splayed across your pussy. (Damn rich people and their attraction to minimalism). 

But there was no point of decency now. He’d seen you on your knees and against the wall. 

There were a few places he’s yet to take you like his annoyingly neat desk that you wanted to mess up just for the sake of musing his workspace.

He said it’d be like straight out of a badly written porno. “Hot, billionaire boss fucks ditzy, sexy assistant on his desk during work hours.”

You rolled your eyes. “You sure the title shouldn’t be ‘assistant finds out her boss is actually the owner of PornHub’? How the hell did you come up with it so fast?”

His sweatpants were past his knees but he was rudely interrupted by a call with the board before he could pull your panties off. 

“Alright, sir. You’ve got a long day today.” You open up the Teams app, listing off his daily meetings. 

He plucks your phone and settles your head into the crook of his neck. “I knew you’d do this, pretending like it didn’t happen.”

“I can’t believe I slept with you.”

“I know, I was there.” 

You can’t help it when the corners of your lips curl at his stupid remark.

Nathan beams at drawing out a reaction. “Oh? Is that a smile I see?”

“No, you idiot.” You’re full-on grinning now, cheesing and all.

“Quit worrying about your pretty head, babe. You’re already working full-time at the facility, no one’s gonna know what you’re doing here. Besides, my dick is just a bonus.”

“Is your dick equivalent to a bar of gold? Because I’m gonna need that extra money once I get fired.”

“Now you’re just giving me ideas. Imagine that! A golden dildo molded from my cock.” He strokes his beard. “A true Midas’ touch.” 

You crane over to him, nudging your nose against his. “I’d never survive a day in your mind.”

“Well, you made it through a night with me, so I think it’s fair game.”

I'd love to hear your thoughts and my inbox is always open for requests or if you want to chat!

[unoisveimved-un-proffesional]

(Warning: Disco Elysium spoilers) One of the greatest twists in all of fiction is learning that René is a fucking tsundere, and it, it really recontextualizes his interactions with Gaston, because he's not just a little gay on the side, they never say that, they say "It's him." The source is Gaston. And that is like, holy shit. It's so sad to, because Gaston never finds out. You notice after René is gone Gaston is not happy anymore, in fact he's really kind of depressed now that his buddy is gone, his super secret admirer, who threw nothing but insults at him, up until the day he went and passed away. Tragic old man yaoi real in Disco Elysium.

(gawking over this story under cut)

By the way, does anyone else notice the duo theme? Like, René and Gaston, Steban and Ulixes, Harry and Kim, what other ones, but they've all got an orange thing going on? Ruby and Klassje? The character dynamics kinda make me sick to think about actually, sick like when you're eating really rich cheese cake with several deep and intricate flavors, it's almost too much, it's so dense! UUUGH! Also like, Joyce, Kim, Dros, and René are all kind of equivalent to their respective ideologies right? Ultraliberal, Moralist, Communist, and Fascist. They're disillusioned soldiers of their ideology, and their respective power shows the state of that ideology, Kim is a cop who enforces the law, Joyce is very rich and influential, René is an old decaying symbol, and Dros is utterly defeated and has no hope, nearly forgotten, and they all hold some feelings and important perspectives on the revolution and the Moralintern's actions. I so badly want to write on the character dynamics, parallels, equivalents, and do deep dives on all of them and how they relate to different themes. I have some basic outlines made of scripts and stuff but like, I want to do something deeper, like a full video series even! That's what it deserves, I need to do it justice.

Like speaking of gay characters, Ruby and Klassje's relationship, and its tragic Yuri, I need to look into that. I mean she threw her under the bus! To the pigs! That is just sad! But she didn't feel like she had a choice and it's just agh! You know? Ugh. I need to schedule some time to write on this...

[duskymrel]

TWST characters as different people i've seen at school

yes most of this is slander

Riddle: The kid who treated being line leader as though he had just been elected President of the United States of America

Ace: Would stand up in class and shout "FOR KOBE" and throw a piece of paper at the trash bin. Would completely miss.

Cater: Filming a fucking TikTok dance in the middle of the school hallway during class transitions. Fucking MOVE, i got places to be. (I walk directly though their tiktok and ruin it)

Trey: That kid who's birthday you know by heart and eagerly await every year because he brings in the BEST desserts. The good kush.

Deuce: Says the stupidest shit in class unironically. Other guys are confused as to how this makes him more endearing but girls fawn all over him.

Azul: Passes by his crush (Jamil) in the hallway and thinks blud will stop and fall madly in love with him at first sight and will declare his love to Azul and it'll be something straight out of a teen girl movie. It ends up playing out exactly like this video: https://www.tiktok.com/@irljigsaw/video/7232906141385215274?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

Floyd: Kid who only likes Chemistry because he's crazy excited about mixing chemicals and setting things on fire. Anything he makes in a lab he loudly comments on how badly he want's to take a bit fat slurp/bite out of it. (it's me i do this)

Jade: One of the mushroom core girlies. Wears mushroom jewelry, has mushrooms patterns on his clothes, draws them for art class, draws them on his notebooks and binders. It's almost obnoxious but he's forgiven by everyone because he's hot.

Leona: Literally doesn't give a shit about school. Shows up in pajama bottom's and takes the fattest nap right in the middle of Geometry.

Jack: The only nice guy on the football team, girls LUST for him ❤

Ruggie: The only class this kid liked was free and reduced lunch (real)

Kalim: Guy who refuses to eat school food. He's probably got the right idea, that nacho cheese sauce probably causes cancer. Brings the most banger lunches and makes people jealous. (Lunchables, the GOOD fruit gummies, chips, a cookie, and a Caprisun.)

Jamil: In classes where you're not allowed to eat, he's the kid who sits in the back and makes a 9 course Gordan Ramsay approved gourmet meal.

Idia: This was so easy this guy was the anime weebo who wore anime merch every day and sometimes even wore anime wigs to school. He won't admit it but he would Naruto run through the halls in middle school.

Ortho: The cute little innocent babey schnookums who the girls all doted on. Hurt him and you'll get jumped by every girl in the student body. Fuck around and find out type shit.

Vil: Bozo who would literally paint their nails in class and would be doing their eyeliner while the teacher was trying to explain mRNA.

Epel: YEEHAW REDNECK KID. you know who i mean. the one who wears a hat with the American flag on it every day and whenever the teacher tells them to take it off they go on a rant about how unpatriotic the teacher is.

Rook: The only kid who actually liked French class. Tries to rizz people up in the hallway and asks for their Snap but always fails. Maidenless behavior.

Malleus: The tall quiet emo kid who slumps in his chair on his phone, with the bottom resting on his belly. He looks like he's listening to edgy emo music but it's actually tooth rotting cheesy pop music

Lilia: The manic pixie dream girl who will spew the most wise sage advice when asked.

Sebek: Literally one of those girls who's attached to her boyfriend like a parasite. You cannot separate her. Overly loyal and won't stfu. Is like a mix between a golden retriever and a chihuahua.

Silver: I swear on my life he's one of the kids who's been adopted by his entire friendgroup. People love him he's just a likeable person. He makes a new friend and BOOM they've adopted him. You're my son now, boy.

--------

@heartscrypt i thought specifically of you while writing Azuls

anyways all of these are people i've known i've got irl sources for this. no i won't apologize for all the slander because it's funny.

[amusingmusie]

After seeing the non-canon demon interactions of Nel and Al in your god blessed writing. I can only imagine the mischief Nel would get up to after realising she can use Lucifer to her advance to get back at Al.

The chaos, I can see it now.

THIS IS FOR FUN ONLY AND NOT CANON TO YOURS TRULY

An Apple a Day

Lucifer motherfucking Morningstar is in the hotel. Nel is fighting not to stress smoke or shit her suit pants.

She cannot fuck up in front of this guy. Not fucking up is decently easy. She’s made plenty of mistakes- some of which landed her here in this inferno of eternal torment- but she’s also made plenty of sound choices, like huddling away in a corner of the lobby as she watches Lucifer occupy himself with rambling about the intricacies of crafting rubber ducks to his daughter and her girlfriend.

Because peace is never an option, a chill washes over her and static tingles dance on her skin- it's the only warning she receives of the incoming suffering.

Alastor materializes at her side with a crackling hum, one elbow propped up to rest on her head while the other grips his microphone. Nel doesn’t even flinch.

“Hello, my Negative Nelly! What are you doing skulking around this cobwebbed corner? You’re missing out on all of today’s grand fun!”

“The fun of you ribbing the big cheese of Hell, you mean,” she snaps, sticking out a finger to jab him in his ribs. “Cut that shit out. You’re playing with hellfire.”

Alastor drops into the floor before reforming on her opposite side, his other elbow weighing down on her skull.

“Jealous? Don’t be! My disdain for him could never compare to the special contempt we share.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“I speak from the heart.”

“You don’t have one.”

“Oh, my sweet, you wound me!”

His dramatics grate on the single nerve of Nel’s that his hoofed feet haven’t trampled already. At this rate, he threatens to draw attention to them, and by proxy her, and she is not going to have Lucifer associate her with the jackass like everyone else in this ratty hotel already does.

She’s going nuclear.

“Allie,” she coos, placing her hand over his upon his staff, “I heard all that mess earlier with you and Charlie. If you wanted to have a daughter so badly, all you ever had to do was ask me.” 

There’s a harsh, sharp pitch in radio waves while Alastor’s gray face twists into one of pure, utter, absolute mortification. The beanpole sinks down into his shadow on the musty carpet and darts away, becoming nothing more than a black mass fleeing to his radio tower.

Ah, she’s still got it. 

A very pleased snicker catches her attention, and she snaps her head to the side, coming face to face with the devil she’d been trying to avoid all day. Mortified, she stammers over herself, staring up at Lucifer who’s beaming so widely that his red cheeks are pressing upwards into his eyeballs.

“Oh Jesus Christ- shit, no, not him- Your Majesty, I am so sorry you had to see that. Look-”

He holds out one hand to silence her. Nel brushes aside the indignation of being told what to do by a man and falls silent. 

Then, he bends over and giggles.

“Are you kidding?” Lucifer wipes away a few tears threatening to fall down his rosy cheeks as he keels over cackling. “Oh, oh, oh! Woo! You! Ah, sweet Eden, that was incredible, phenomenal, fantastic! Way to stick it to that tacky piece of crap! Keep up the good work, uh-?”

“Penelope, sir. Or, uh, Nel. Nelly.”

“Keep up the good work, Nancy!” he chirps with a wink, clapping a hand onto her shoulder.

She blanches. “It’s Nelly.”

“That’s what I said! That’s what I said, right? What did I say?” 

Awkward tension settles between them. One of her yellow eyes twitches.

After the brief pause, a mischievous grin slithers onto the king’s bone white face. “Well, Mel, if you ever find yourself in need of some assistance with that halitosis-ridden bellhop, don’t be a stranger!”

“...You don’t say?”

“Mhm! Now..." he leans in close to her, deathly serious, and Nel begins to fear that she's done something terribly wrong. "How do you feel about rubber ducks?”

Oh. Huh.

Maybe she does have an ally here after all.

[profoundbondfanfic]

Hi! I was wondering if you could recommend some post-canon fics where Dean and Cas fix up a house together and basically live happily ever after? Thank you!

Hello! Yes, here are a few we've enjoyed!

A Second Grace by sometimeswelose [Mature, 26k words] (Cas is in the Empty for most of the fic, so they don't necessarily fix the house "together" but Cas eventually joins Dean and they get their happily ever after)

Cas dies and Dean starts referring to himself as a widower. This is somewhat confusing for everyone involved.

Best To See These True Colours (Than To Follow One Of Your False Virtues) by ImYourHoneyBee [Explicit, 34k words]

Two months after Team Free Will beats Chuck, Jack brings Cas back and Dean wants so badly to respond to Cas's confession in the dungeon, but to do that he needs to shed a lifetime of trauma, self hatred, and internalized homophobia. After moving in to a farmhouse with Cas, Dean secretly starts going to therapy every Thursday afternoon. He also starts working on getting the tattoos he always wanted in an effort to reclaim a body that he's only ever seen as a tool. or Cas stole Dean's favorite Zeppelin shirt, Dean steals it back, Cas steals it again. A shirt-theft war like nothing you've ever seen ensues. The entire family takes sides. Is it foreplay? Yes. Is it good clean family fun? Sometimes. Are Jack's god powers used unwisely in the name of the Zepp shirt battle? Yeah, probably. Is Dean messier than a sloppy joe? Nooooo, not at all.

Fenario by ftmsteverogers [Explicit, 47k words]

“We did good, Dean,” Sam says. “We got him back.” Dean huffs a hollow laugh, because yeah, that’s always what it’s about, isn’t it? Cas or Sam or Dean getting themselves lost or dead, and then taking turns dragging each other back from the brink. He shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets. “We got him back, yeah,” he says. Sam nods, watching him. “So now what?”

Kriah by ioascc [Explicit, 54k words]

Dean can do this. He can. He can raise Jack Kline, Lucifer’s baby. No, not Lucifer’s… Cas’ kid. Their kid. With his mother gone, and Castiel dead, Dean finds himself hanging on by a thread. Castiel has died so many times on him, Dean is half-convinced himself that Cas will return to him. Dean evades the pain of the truth, carrying on in false hope until his soul renders into a million pieces. He learns quickly that taking care of a newborn is not for the faint of heart, sleep-deprivation, grief, and feedings rule most of the early days. During this time, Dean is forced to build a new life for himself. With a new name and identity change, Dean becomes a Dad. Something Castiel would be proud of. Dean cooks, he cleans, he reads, he sings his ABCs and 123s, and ultimately Dean does his best for Jack. It’s not until Jack grows into a small child that Dean feels like he can breathe again. The grief no longer suffocates him. His new life has meaning. He sees family and he allows himself to miss Castiel. To mourn him, to love him in death. And when Jack goes to school, Dean is once again reunited with friends and enemies from his past.

Talk Some Sense To Me (Kenopsia) by ImYourHoneyBee [Explicit, 244k words]

Scrambling to his knees Castiel hugs back, burying his face in Dean’s neck, breath coming in fast little pants against his skin. Dean closes his eyes and just breathes him in, barely able to believe that this is real. At any other time in his life, closing his eyes against a threat like Death would be an inexcusable lapse in his hunter’s judgement. Right now, he doesn’t give a single fuck. Death can reap him for all he cares, he’ll die knowing Cas is going to be ok. Alive. “I will see you soon, Dean,” Death tells him, that deliberate voice of his soft enough not to intrude on the intimacy of the moment, “Raincheck on that grilled cheese.” “Thank you,” Dean croaks, propping his chin up on Cas’s shoulder, unmindful of the tears trickling down his cheeks, “Thank you.”

take the bones, begin anew by JustStandingHere [Mature, 103k words]

“What else was I supposed to say, Sam?” Dean asks him. “I’m not...look, Cas is my best friend, and I care about him. That’s it.” “And you renovated a house for him,” Sam continues. “And live with him.” or: a year in the life, in which it takes some time, but they figure it out

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden [Explicit, 95k words] (it was written before s15, so it's not canonical, but it does feature post-canon and dean and cas fixing up a house!)

Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together.

There's Only One Sure Thing That I Know by blinkiesays [Explicit, 20k words ] (it's not post-canon but they get a house together)

Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest.

[darkpoisonouslove]

HotD S02E01

Many thoughts, head full, zero ability to articulate so I'm just gonna scream about it... on main. That'll end well.

First thing I have to say is that the atmosphere and tone definitely work very well here. You can feel the tragedy in the air, the way that it's already happened and it just waits to unfold, to be witnessed in its full glory. Everything is so eerie and bleak and everyone keeps going but they cannot escape the framework of the war. They're trapped in it and you feel it.

Daemon is... he kind of surprised me ngl. There are definitely layers of emotion there that isn't just rage or bloodthirstiness. I didn't want to strangle him the entire time so that's a positive.

Emma D'arcy was amazing in this episode and (I could be missing something; too lazy to check but) she only had that one line??? And still, you feel her grief. That was certainly an interesting approach and it worked for them!

Aegon is such a contrast to all the other characters! I know he's supposed to look completely out of place and incompetent but damn, I am On. His Side! He's ready to be so generous to the small folk. He's trying to compensate on what he missed with his own father by spending time with his son. He has no idea how to interact with Helaena but he's trying his best and goddamn, if that's not a summary of his character! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 (this is an Alicent AND Aegon stan account now, I guess)

(that scene of him and his buddies drinking in the throne room has such fuck boi vibes and yet, SOMEHOW he was utterly hilarious and still sympathetic in it (I'll talk about the place of that scene in the plot later))

@ Otto and Larys: STEP AWAY FROM THE CHILDREN!!!!!!

The scene with Otto and Alicent was surprisingly touching. They finally reach some kind of understanding... and then he turns right around and continues to scheme behind her back. Sure, what he was trying to accomplish with Aemond is in line with his talk with Alicent but he's going to have his own agenda 100%. This wasn't just a strategical decision because Aemond is mad at Alicent rn and wouldn't want to hear any of her opinions even if they're also Otto's opinions.

Which leads me to THE SITUATION BETWEEN ALICENT AND AEMOND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! I. Am. Screaming (as you can see)! They are both so hurt and angry at each other 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 And I can't even take a side because both of them are correct in different ways. What Aemond did is actively hurting the whole family because it certainly exacerbated the war proceedings. But he's also right to be upset that Alicent would (seemingly) place her old friendship with Rhaenyra above her love for her children. She should feel vindicated that the one that mutilated her son is now dead. But instead, she's angry and has turned away from Aemond. When she was the only one who stood by him (and vice versa) on that awful night when his eye was gouged out????? The disappointment that they each feel in the other is KILLING ME!!!!!!!!! (I have to say that I hadn't thought about the possibility of Aemond being angry but it makes perfect sense and it hurts me so badly. Look at the contrast of this and this)

And now for the absolute fuckery of this episode (pun unintended). I have zero problems with Alicent and Criston fucking. Good for them! Love the moral dilemmas that are 10000% going on in their heads. HOWEVER, the decision to make them have sex while Blood & Cheese is going down? More anti green propaganda from the writers and I am SICK of it. Alicent was originally part of the scene, she was there to experience the horror of it first hand and they choose to switch that for her having sex????? You know the same thing that Rhaenyra and Daemon were doing when the whole fight between the kids in 1x07 was going down and they got no shit for it whatsoever but, of course, Alicent and Criston are going to be torn apart about this, I am 100% positive about that! Once again, the writers are trying to manipulate the viewers by going "See! Not only is Alicent being a hypocrite because she said she wasn't going to do this with Criston again, but that's what she was doing when her grandson was getting murdered" when originally she was bound and gagged and had to watch the whole thing happen in front of her. You could say that they spared her that trauma but they literally could have had her doing anything else if that was the intent. I am ANGRY about this. Not to mention the fact that Helaena literally interrupting Alicole while they're having sex adds an obstacle to Alicent offering her comfort. At the very least she has to get dressed first before she can hug her and try to provide some kind of feeling of safety, which inserts awkwardness if not downright shame into Alicent's actions and choices during that night. (Oh, and this will probably make her stop having sex with Criston, which is going to be another big L; let her be marginally happy and have orgasms, goddammit!)

Let's go back to Aegon now! So while Alicent and Criston are too busy fucking to be any the wiser about what's happening with her grandchildren (even though they literally couldn't have known anything like that would happen), what is Aegon doing? (Probably) drinking and stroking his ego by trying to come up with titles for himself... as the assassins are walking past him, right under his nose. Don't think he's not gonna get shit about that by fans if not by the writers themselves! They have set everything up so perfectly to blame all the Greens for allowing this to happen (since Otto and Aemond are so ready for war and yet were nowhere to be found during this either) but what about the Blacks, who organized all of this? Well...

They are whitewashing Daemon now by making Jaehaerys's murder be the idea of the assassins themselves. You see, Daemon would have never gone after a 4-year-old! He was only going after Aemond! And this is yet another misunderstanding like with Lucerys' death, except that this was way more deliberate but you cannot blame the Blacks when the people that they hired acted on their own. I hate it here! The writers are cowards and cannot commit to the actual characters that they're supposed to be writing so they're just doing whatever they want. And doing it badly at that! (That whole sequence was so fucking disjointed and lackluster also so congrats to whoever wrote this on the terrible job that they are doing!)

Poor Helaena! She's literally not going to get anything in this season. They already did Blood & Cheese so now they're just going to make her lose her mind and give her nothing else to do. I hope I'm wrong about this but I don't think I am given their track record.

Anyway, go team Green!

*I already bitched about this in the tags of another post but the fact that in the extra ("inside the episode" or whatever it's called) they had the gall to say that Alicent was in a "marriage that was loving but not exactly romantic or physical for quite some time" is a fucking insult. HE CALLED HER BY AEMMA'S NAME! HE USED HER AS AN INCUBATOR AND COULDN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO CARE ABOUT HER OR THEIR KIDS. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!

[inheroes--wetrust]

fucking LAME. the showrunners of house of the dragon are sanitizing the entire storyline. first it was alicent mishearing viserys and thinking he wanted aegon to rule, then it was aemond killing lucerys by accident, and now blood and cheese is a) not NEARLY as tragic as it was in the books and b) something that can easily be waved away as accidental/daemon never wanted that/it was all blood and cheese.

the targaryens in this part of history suck! they suck. they are, to a one, selfish and cruel and ambitious and have a deep-seated to the core belief in their own superiority. either side would rather burn westeros to the ground than refute their divine fucking right to the throne. that's the whole goddamn point! they ripped apart their own family, they destroyed the dragons from within, it is all their fault and both sides committed terrible, terrible atrocities in the name of their justice.

but no. i dont know if its an overcorrection from mad queen dany or if they just want a team black good guys and team green bad guys, but they are whitewashing this story so fucking badly and it is infuriating

[tboybuck]

here's a teeny tiny lil scoops troop drabble for @stobinesque's birthday, just a few hours late <33

the first time steve and robin took dustin and erica out for ice cream after starcourt, it was a fucking disaster. robin told steve it would be, and he didn't believe her, but she wanted so badly to do something else because she was just so certain that ice cream wouldn't be the same for those kids anymore after everything that happened and would ya look at that? robin was right.

of course robin was right, robin was always right. one day steve would learn that robin's ideas would always be the best, that even though robin wasn't always great at picking up social cues she did understand people's emotions pretty well, thanks so much for not asking, dingus. it had only been, like, a month or so and already robin was sick of playing the i told you so game with steve harrington.

she loved him, though. there's some stuff you can't come out of on the other side without forming a lifelong bind with someone and as it turned out, being drugged and tortured by russians was one of those things. so. robin was stuck with steve now, just like he was stuck with her, just like the two of them were stuck with dustin and erica. what a strange little troupe of misfits they made.

the first time they went out for ice cream after starcourt, none of them could finish their sundaes. the ice cream sat heavy on their tongues and went down too cold and sat uncomfortably in the pits of their stomachs. it made robin think of the fear of that day, made her jump at the sound of the door to her left opening with a little jingle as other customers walked in. steve had a faraway look in his eyes sometimes, the way robin's uncle still sometimes did when he started thinking about the war. dustin and erica were quiet. it was almost eerie.

so robin suggested pizza, and erica jumped at the suggestion, and the four of them found their way to the big empty harrington house where they all piled onto the couch together while my little pony played on the tv.

erica came to life again with her face smeared with pizza grease as she peeled the layer of cheese off the top, shoving it into her mouth as she argued with dustin about the characters' motivations, the writing, the animation. even when she initially seemed to agree with him she would argue, tell dustin he was wrong and stupid and what could you possibly understand about north star, dumbass - you couldn't navigate your way out of a wet paper bag!

and steve laughed. he laughed in a way robin hadn't seen since before everything that happened. he laughed at the kids, he laughed at her, he laughed at himself, and for the first time in weeks robin was happy. she wasn't healed, she wasn't okay - not by a long shot.

but she would be. someday. if things kept up like this and she got to spend more time with these people who had come to mean more to her than any other friend she'd ever had in her life, someday robin would be okay. she'd never forget the things she went through in that bunker under the mall - none of them would. but she had people here who understood her, who could empathize with her pain and her fear, and she had steve.

they'd get through this together.

[thatmexisaurusrex]

🔥🔥🔥, please!

Make Me Write Monday

Nice! For my current WIP, my Buck 1.0/118!Tommy fic, The First Evan! Lol I know I'm only supposed to write three sentences. But I thought fuck it, and I'm going to give a spoiler to something in the fic and I'm writing more than three sentences for this. I'll put it under the read more just in case no one wants to be spoiled. The spoiler is intense and is a plot point that someone actually asked about in the comments of the last chapter 😂 so, you've been warned. Enjoy!

“What do you think is a good ‘I’m sorry for our last fight?’ wine?”

A lot of people randomly asked Tommy things. Tommy wasn’t sure if he just had the face of someone to pour out your soul to or if he had some sort of energy about him, but random strangers tended to ask him things often or began out of the blue conversations with him.

Tommy.

Didn’t particularly like that. He didn’t really like situations where he had to talk to random strangers when all he wanted to do was buy some nice beer for Maddie to celebrate her new place. Alas, such was life. And despite Tommy’s want to not engage in this conversation, Tommy glanced to the side to find the man who asked. He seemed… out of place. Something about him wasn’t quite California.

But.

Hey.

A lot of people moved to Los Angeles. Maybe Tommy was overthinking whatever feeling he was getting from this guy. It was probably nothing.

“Someone I know just moved into a new place and I want to mend some fences,” further explained the man.

“I, uh. I don’t actually know much about wine,” said Tommy, because he found himself drawn into these sorts of conversations even when he didn’t want to be in them, “But, uh. My friend Chimney knows wine pretty well – Chimney?”

Tommy looked around. He knew that Chimney was around here somewhere. Evan and Eddie were in the store too, but Tommy didn’t know if Evan or Eddie knew wine.

Chimney and Eddie popped their heads down the aisle, fancy cheeses and meats in hand. They tossed their charcuterie into the shopping cart as Chimney said, “What do you need, Tommy?”

“Oh. It’s me. Hi,” said the man as he extended a hand, “Jason Bailey. I was just looking for a good ‘I’m sorry wine’. Chimney, was it? And Tommy?”

Tommy.

Reluctantly shook the man’s hand. But then immediately felt the need to say, “I have a boyfriend already, sorry. And Chimney’s kind of – well you’re not with her. But you’re going out on a date soon, right?”

Because.

Maybe Tommy just read the room wrong here. Sometimes Tommy did. He didn’t always pick up what people were putting down for him. It happened enough for Tommy to at least need to clarify.

Chimney beamed at the mention of it.

The date.

“I mean, it’s only a first date. And I don’t want to pressure her or anything. Her last relationship ended pretty badly, so… we’re taking it slow,” gushed Chimney, “But we’ll see how it goes.”

“Eddie’s single, now, though. Recently single,” suggested Tommy.

Eddie laughed.

“No. I am – I’m not in the headspace to date anyone. And I don’t think you’re my type, honestly?” said Eddie apologetically, “Sorry, man.”

“That’s so cute. The date. Not the recent divorce. I’m not – this isn’t me hitting on anyone. I’m actually buying this for my wife. We’re, uh. In a bit of a rough patch. I’m trying to smooth some things over,” explained Jason.

“Didn’t you say the wine was for someone you know who just moved into a new place and you wanted to mend some fences with?” asked Tommy, a little confused.

Jason shrugged.

His eyes.

A little dead when they gazed at Tommy for a moment. Or. Or maybe Tommy was seeing things that weren’t actually happening, because it didn’t look like anyone else noticed that. Maybe Tommy was being hypersensitive because of how this was just giving him flashbacks.

“I did say it was an ‘I’m sorry for our last fight’ wine too,” Jason pointed out.

Something. Felt wrong about this.

It reminded Tommy of his mom. His mom getting presents when she still had a black eye. That apology tour his father always went on after a particularly heated argument of his own making.

And.

No.

Not everyone was like that… right?

“Separated, huh? Yeah. Been there. It’s rough. But sometimes, it’s good to give them the space. To figure themselves out,” said Eddie, a little – a little more at peace with his own divorce, “You can’t hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be with you.”

For a moment, Jason looked like he might break the bottle of wine in his hands. He might just break it on Eddie. And reflexively, Tommy found himself subtly stepping between Eddie and this random man.

Something about his eyes.

Some anger that went away just as fast as it came.

It.

It reminded Tommy of his dad.

Impulsive. Rage at the drop of a hat. A charming smile in public.

Tommy didn’t like this conversation.

Jason’s anger eased as quickly as it came. And Tommy wondered if he had just been seeing things. Reading into things. It wasn’t as if Eddie or Chimney reacted to Jason the same way. Neither of them were feeling that fight or flight response, that panic quickening Tommy’s heartbeat.

“I think she’d like to see me,” Jason said amicably.

And.

Tommy was probably overthinking things, right? He wasn’t sure if Jason noticed what Tommy had done. If that was an overstep on Tommy’s part. If he was just being overprotective over a friend who could most definitely handle himself in a fight and Tommy knew that.

Tommy.

Needed to not be here.

“I’m, uh. I’m not very useful in this conversation, anyway. I’m going to go find where Evan went off to,” said Tommy as he turned the cart around and left the aisle.

Left Eddie and Chimney with Jason.

And he felt terrible doing that. But he really needed to stop talking to that man.

[bottlecaprabbitgames]

Weight Loss, Dieting, Medical Shit Goin' On

At the request of @meethisharma , I'm making a big post of like. EVERYTHING I've learned so far since truly trying to lose weight and do better since February of this year. I'm of course going to go into my background as to why I need to lose weight and my life as an obese person, different references I've used to help with my weight loss, dietary changes, THE WHOLE SHEBANG.

So uh. Buckle up, it's a LONG post.

(Also, shout out to Jordan Shrinks over on YouTube, I've followed this woman for years and she is still the biggest inspiration and my favorite fucking person who has helped me shape my routine for weight loss.)

Why did I start trying to lose weight?

I have been obese pretty much my whole life. In high school, I weighed 260-270 lbs. Both of my parents struggled with drug addiction, and that meant that we ate a lot of unhealthy, over processed food as it was the cheapest. I also rarely, if ever, drank water growing up; we mostly had soda in the house, and that's what I drank.

Last year, in May of 2022, I weighed 330 lbs. This was after I had already lost an unknown amount of weight, as I put on a LOT working at McD's given the food was free and I was broke most of the time. This was still not enough for me to start losing weight, but I did start packing my own lunches and at least started eating better. In September, I started my first hotel job, and with the better work and pay, I was finally able to afford insurance for 2023 and start going to doctors like I needed to. I've always had a LOT of chronic issues, but none were ever diagnosed as I really didn't go to the doctor much unless it was an absolute dire emergency.

Timeskip to the first week or two of February, 2023, and I finally get in to see a nurse practioner who will lead me to find my current primary care doctor. I weighed 312 lbs, and she was very... well, blatantly, she didn't even give me the time of day LMAO. She didn't even bother to tell me I was pre-diabetic, I had to find that out from looking at my lab results myself.

Week 3 of February, I get in with the guy who's now my primary care doctor. He's also fat, like I am, and he was also far more direct with me about my situation. As it turned out, I was in like stage 3 hypertension (my blood pressure was 150 smth over 140), I was almost 90% deficient in vitamin D (y'know, the shit that makes your bones HARD), my iron saturation in my blood was in single digits (aka severely anemic, borderline needed a blood transfusion), I was well into my way to being a Type-2 Diabetic (my A1C was 5.8, you need to be 6.4 to be diagnosed), AND... my liver was struggling really, really badly. Side note, he's also a mental health professional, and he's the one who originally diagnosed my severe PTSD and got me in with my therapist.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, I WAS NOT IN THE BEST CONDITION. I was actually well on my way to developing early heart disease, osteoporosis, diabetes, blood clots, like everything I was the MOST afraid of was what I was about to have. Because I wasn't taking care of myself, I was living off of ramen and fast food and processed as shit food all the time, TV dinners... I'd make a meal out of a family-sized bag of chips or a whole roll of crackers and several slices of cheese.

My doctor was very point fucking blank about my outcomes. I could've died if I did nothing. A really horrible way to die, too. He told me that if I wanted to make changes, he'd get me every resource possible he could to help me, but I had to want the changes if they were gonna stick. Keep that in mind, right? YOU have to want the changes needed.

And that's when everything started.

THE GAME PLAN

SO, what did I do to start losing weight? What changes did I make?

Everything. FUCKING everything. My doctor said I needed a low-as-possible sodium diet, so I changed it. I needed to start exercising, so I did. I needed meds and to get into therapy to help deal with my mental health, so I religiously take my meds and I go to therapy as many times as possible each month. He also wanted me to get a daytime job, as my overnights were likely making things worse, and I finally got that done now, too.

A big thing to add here, too: my doctor has not talked to me about BMI. The only thing he has asked me to do is get to 200 lbs. He says so long as I don't drop under 120, he's said it's fine whatever weight I stop on, so long as I get to 200.

But where did I begin? The SIMPLE shit.

I started with ten minute walks. That's it for exercising, I started with TEN MINUTE WALKS. And you know what? It was fucking hard. It still is. It's like pulling teeth sometimes to get me to get up and go take a 30 minute to an hour walk. But don't let these fucking fitness influencers bully you into thinking that if you can't handle pumping iron in the gym for 6 hours straight then you're always gonna be a fat slob or whatever those fuckheads say these days. And, if you don't like walking, if you'd rather lift weights, you can do that too! If you don't want to go to a gym like I don't, order some cheap ones off of Amazon or Walmart. Go cycling or swimming or jumping rope. You don't have to go big and hard into exercise to be healthier. Start small.

Now, diet-wise, I threw myself in it a little too vigorously and I also paid the price of wasting like $50 each payday in shit I didn't eat or still haven't, and I also fucked up my GI tract for a solid month. I was ROUGHING it. Raw-dogged the low sodium diet and it did it back double time, do NOT do what I did. There's gonna be a WHOLE section after this one on dietary shit. Big thing, though? MEAL PLANNING. I don't care if you only meal plan one meal of the day, I only do my damn dinners. Just take time on your day off to batch cook a bunch of shit to be able to eat for one meal throughout the week.

MAKE GOALS. I don't care if the goals you set seem shallow to you or not, make some fucking goals. Keep them on a list you can easily find, especially like on your phone. HELL, keep the list in SEVERAL ways, like a paper on your wall. I have another section planned for like examples and my own goals on down.

EXERCISE

AGAIN, start small. Don't go hog wild and try to do an hour a day at the gym to start; that's gonna burn you out and wear you down before you even get started. Also, you don't need a gym to exercise. If you never wanna step foot in a gym, you NEVER have to.

Start with a five to ten minute walk every other day. You don't like walking? Cool, get some cheap weights (or a kettlebell weight) and lift weights for 5-10 minutes. I just recently got a 5lb kettlebell on Amazon for like $8.55 after tax so I can start doing weighted exercises. (NOTE: don't start with big heavy weights. You'll fuck up your muscles and joints. You'll want to research what weight to start with first.)

I think it wassss two weeks of me walking for ten minutes every other day before I moved to 15 minutes? Now, in May, I can go for an hour at a leisurely pace.

My Routine:

45 minute-hour walk at LEAST 4 days a week.

One day of 30 minute power walking or walking-jogging intervals. I walk along the street I live on, and I do 1/3 of the way jogging, the rest walking.

At LEAST one day using resistance band exercises. Resistance bands are like $10 at Walmart, I recommend using a light one to start WHILE AT YOUR HEAVIEST WEIGHT. Resistance bands work by using your own body weight as the resistance, so it's best to start while you're still at the heaviest.

Hoping to work the kettlebell in on at least three days of the week, doing weighted HIIT exercises (high intensity training).

DIETARY CHANGES

The BIGGEST piece of advice I can give you is to make sustainable changes. The reason diet culture doesn't work is because you can't survive off of diet food for a long period of time, meaning you'll just regain the weight back once you return to a normal diet. Also, carbs are not bad for you. Unless a doctor specifically tells you to lower carb intake, PLEASE do not just suddenly decide to stop eating carbs as you can permanently damage your major internal organs.

Now, I am not on a diet, persay. The changes I've made I plan to keep for the rest of my life. Now, I can only tell you what I do, and not what you should do. I have some formal training in nutrition, and I can give you advice on what not to do, but again, I can mostly tell you what works for me.

NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, HERE WE GO! I am on a low-sodium diet, meaning I do not add salt to shit. I use Accent, a shit ton of seasoning and spices, and I get my canned food no salt added when I can. I also mainly only eat turkey and chicken (mostly chicken), while beef and pork are like... a treat every once in a while. I also get low sodium canned tuna or like... actually good fish sticks. And, as I live on the Gulf Coast, I get fresh shrimp once or twice a month. I also do NOT add sugar to something unless it's a recipe for like bread to feed the yeast. I get canned fruit in 100% juice, or I get it frozen mostly. If I want to add something to make it sweet, I dump fruit in it. I've also recently been adding like... one packet of splenda ALONG WITH FRUIT to my oatmeal. Tastes p good, do not recommend splenda in coffee. Shit's nasty.

I am also a calorie counter and believer. The easiest way to think of calories is like... energy. One calorie is one unit of energy. I HIGHLY recommend using a couple of calorie calculators to help figure out your daily intake, and I use the My Fitness Pal app to keep track of what I eat, especially as I am prone to boredom eating and binge eating, as I do still struggle with disordered eating. I also keep an eye on my macros (protein, carbs, fats), as well as my cholesterol, sodium, and saturated fat levels.

So, what does Cy do for food? A lot but also... not very much, lol. I am a convenience bitch. I ain't here to cook several times a day and shit, I ain't got time for it. I be makin' shit as easy as possible.

I do often drink protein shakes before or after I walk or have an intense workout. You don't have to, just keep in mind you DO need high protein intake before or after working out, to help your muscles repair themselves. I get the cheap af Purely Inspired brand at Walmart, mix it with frozen fruit and milk in my blender.

PLEASE, GOD, DRINK WATER! Drink plenty of frickin water. Your body has to be hydrated and the more water you drink, the less water your body retains as extra. A bit weird, I know, but take it from me as I carry about 10-12 lbs of water weight a day, and it was a LOT more when I wasn't hydrating properly.

I meal prep one meal a week. It's dinner now, so I take a day I'm off, make a big batch of smth, and separate it into like 5-7 containers, freezing some and fridgerating the others. I post recipes and total costs over on @cylentlycrafting , and I get those cheap ass Mainstays meal prep containers. It's like $5 for 5 of em, and I have like... 3-4 sets.

The main meat I eat now is chicken, as it has the highest amount of protein across all meats. I also pretty much exclusively eat whole grain foods (brown rice, whole wheat bread, whole wheat or brown rice or quinoa pasta), and I keep instant brown rice and instant oats on hand. Listen, I'm an impatient ass mfer, I don't have 45 mins to cook some goddamn rice.

I also luv eggies. And cheese. And dairy. Though I typically get reduced fat dairy products, except milk. Reduced fat sour cream, reduced fat cheese, sometimes reduced fat yogurt, but I take any yogurt I can get my hands on.

I use a LOT of canned beans, peas, chickpeas, and tomatoes. I also get frozen broccoli, cauliflower, sweet potatoes, red potatoes, and carrots as far as veggies go. I also often get chopped romaine lettuce, carrot chips, grape tomatoes, and onions. That is the beginning and the end to the veggies I eat, and best be fucking sure I put red kidney beans and chickpeas in everything almost it. Broccoli, too. Tomatoes.

Fruit wise, I have a LOT of fruit cups and canned fruit in 100% fruit juice, frozen fruit, and I also have a thing for clementines lately. Been eating tf out of them.

Snackies wise, I usually get that big box of baked chips from Lays. Peanut butter and graham crackers. Dark chocolate. Power Crunch protein bars because PROTEIN BARS DON'T HAVE TO BE DISGUSTING!!!!!

I pretty much exclusively use olive oil, but canola oil is also pretty damn good if you're on a budget! Just avoid regular butter, that shit's got so much calories and fat in it.....

Listen, you don't have to go broke buying shit. I tend to allot more money to food than most people because I have a LOT of food issues, and because I commit hard to shit. I have olive oil mayo and butter replacements, I keep low sugar and low sodium ketchup, and I buy expensive ass Lucini tomato sauce. You don't have to. Like I also buy tater tots and off-brand coco puffs and mini wheats.

I have experimented with a LOT of brands in the past few months, which I will probably make another post about eventually? Maybe? Also more budget-friendly shopping hacks and shit given I be trying to save as much money as possible.

GOALS

Listen, like every big project, you need goals. Getting your body healthy is a big project, and you should make goals. Goals on why you want to get healthy, goals on why to keep going even when shit gets hard. I don't care if it's the most vain shit ever, if it's a goal it's a fucking goal.

Here are some of mine:

More clothing options. If I lose more weight, I will be able to fit into smaller sizes and have more choices on what to wear.

SELF CONFIDENCE

Feeling less embarrassed when eating out somewhere.

HEALTH. A large part of me always feeling shitty is my diet and lack of proper vitamins and nutrients.

Prediabetes. I don't want to be like my mom and papaw and have to poke myself multiple times a day nor be reliant on insulin.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The main things I can impress upon y'all:

Build sustainable habits. If you don't think you'd be able to do it for the rest of your life, maybe rethink the habit before it becomes too set in stone.

You're gonna fall off the horse sometimes. You're gonna cheat, you're gonna make slip ups. And that's okay. Don't feel guilty, don't overrestrict or punish yourself for it. You're human, and you're trying, and that's okay. You can only do as much as you're able to right here and right now.

It's a hard and long road. Getting healthy and fit isn't going to be a breeze in the park. This shit is hard, especially if you're building new habits from scratch. But you got this. YOU CAN DO IT.

You HAVE to want this for yourself. No one else can want it for you. It has to be on you and you alone.

You're gonna find people wanting to sabotage you, as horrible as it sounds. Sometimes people feel threatened when others attempt to better themselves, because that person or those persons know they wouldn't put the time or energy into doing so themselves. And, unfortunately, some of those people are your close friends and family :/

TRY NEW THINGS. FAIL AND KEEP GOING. I have tried so much shit in the last few months, and some has stuck, some has not. I have learned I do not like a lot of vegetables, and that's okay. I also make taco salad (from 'scratch') at least two to three times a month. What works, works!

You are going to bloat A LOT when you start amping up workouts. Your body holds extra water and nutrients for up to FOUR WEEKS after you start exercising or start a new exercise routine/build up on your existing one. This is to repair your muscles and joints as they grow.

Scales like to lie, and they won't tell you how much water weight you're holding. And yes, you will be able to tell you're bloated. I never knew of bloating until now and sometimes shit fits weird when I'm majorly bloated. It SUCKS

Measure yourself. Your stomach, chest, waist, hips. All of it. Keep it. It'll be amazing to see how much you've changed eventually.

I actually would LOVE to keep making posts like this. But, here's my current progress:

I am a little under 270 lbs, unsure of how much as I am starting and trying new exercises, as well as my new job being HELLA more active than my old one.

I do have more processed stuff in my diet, but i do try to balance it with healthier food, too. Budgeting is.... hard.

My blood pressure tends to run 110/70 now.

I hope this helps someone out there.

My heart rate has gone down from 100+ bpm, to now it's at 60-75 bpm.

I also drink diet soda now, usually one a day.

[ceilingfan5]

Y– It makes me think of you. please?

The low fire crackles and dances, waving its own eulogy on the damp breeze that needles right through Taako’s four layers of clothing, and there’s no way to deny the way it hurts. He didn’t even need it tonight–dinner was a scrounged hunk of cheese and some olives–but no, no, he needed it. It hurts when he doesn’t have one, and it hurts when he does. He feels like a moth, dashing himself among the coals or mourning the shape of it inside him, and he hates this. He hates this so deeply, pitch and sticky, that it threatens to choke him, spill out of his mouth and drown the world, but he swallows it and nudges the fire with a stick instead.

He can’t afford to be noticed, and the light is hard to miss in the depths of the forest so thick it feels like he’s underwater. But he can’t–he can’t go a night without one. 

Taako is a patently unserious person. That makes moments like this even harder to stomach. It’s hard to laugh it off with fear, dripping and cold, in your heart. It’s hard not to freeze like a rabbit at every cracking twig, every rustle, every silence too loud. He never was the kind of guy who prayed, although he’s pretended a time or two, just for a meal or bit of shelter, however temporary.

He talks to himself, sometimes, though. Maybe not himself–a self outside of his self, something realer than he ever was. The kind of person he’d be if he could care. Hardly an angel, but not quite the specter of death on his heels, either. A warm memory of something that almost felt like home, a fiction wrapped in thorns he can’t quite let go… but the pain keeps it from being too sweet to even consider his. Nothing real, nothing he could ever hope to grasp, but the last red coal at the bottom of his fire, the only thing that ever seems to keep his blood from icing over in his veins, anymore.

Stupid, embarrassing. What possible use could a hardened guy like him have for an imaginary friend? He never…he doesn’t think he ever played that sort of thing as a child, but he holds it with white knuckles now, on the run for his life? He doesn’t get it, and it feels foolish, but…

“It makes me think of you,” he whispers, no, barely breathes to the flames. No one can hear this. He doesn’t even want to hear it. He blinks back echoes of the light, eyes aching. “You aren’t even real. I don’t know a thing about you. But it makes me think of you.” 

Obviously she- it- fucking whatever the stupid game he’s playing doesn’t respond. It’s fake. Bullshit. The last swings of a man going down with nothing to show for all of it. 

Then again, why not? What’s stopping him? He opens his mouth and more falls out, words he didn’t think, let alone plan. It numbs his ears to listen, it feels wrong, makes his hair stand on end.

“I cut my hair,” he says. “You’d hate it.” Who? “I couldn’t be me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be me again. But maybe if they don’t hunt me down, it’ll grow back.” 

He stares as the flames get lower, slower. 

“It looked terrible anyway. I don’t want to look at myself anymore. It’s not right. Me! You know how vain I am. But I see my reflection and I want to hurl.”

Imagine if someone answered. Imagine if anyone could answer for this. He’s better off not even hoping. 

“I think I’m headed to Neverwinter.” This is news to him, but it sounds right. “I’ll get a job, or get tried and executed, either way, something will change. Something has to change.”

It starts to rain, and the fire fizzles. Taako throws his hood over his head and stands, staring at it, nearly enchanted, wanting so badly to understand and knowing he wouldn’t be able to even if it did make sense. 

“Something has to change,” he repeats, and he dumps dirt over the fire, smothering it completely. 

He puts his hood up, and tries to forget all that. It’s not doing him any good. Maybe things won’t get better, but at least they won’t stay the same. He wraps his arms tightly around himself, almost hard enough for his ribs to crack. The wanting is heavy on his tongue, poison, and he swallows hard. 

[sucrosette]

★— ⋆｡˚ [He Loves My Butter Lips]

For Day 25 of Carry on Countdown 23, Carnival/Faire. @carryon-countdown

Simon Snow hates his boyfriend and his boyfriend's ego and all the plushies he's won for him so, so bloody bad (but not really, not really at all).

Rated T for... honestly I think Simon is cursing every other sentence in this.

⋆｡˚

The best part about the faire is the bloody food. The cheese sticks, the corndogs on sticks, pickles on sticks, the spun sugar on sticks, in certain parts of the world (this part of the world!!) the fried butter on sticks, everything fried and everything on sticks. It’s divine. I’m going to die of a heart attack at one of these godforsaken carnival-faire-decadence-things, but Merlin and Morgana both, it will have been bloody worth it. The best bloody thing is the fucking food. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. If they think otherwise, they’re bloody daft.

Now some people might claim having a boyfriend who could hack all the carnival games would be the best bloody part, but their boyfriends are not Basilton fucking Grimm-Pitch, are they? No, the honour of calling that one a boyfriend is mine, and he’s too bloody smug about it.

Not to say that I don’t love and cherish each and every one of those ridiculously large plushies, and not to say that they don’t each get a name and a little home in our littler apartment, but does Baz have to bloody fucking smirk about it every time he predicts right? Does he have to be right so bloody often?

He’s such a sodding twat about it, I hate him. (I love him. He’s perfect. Never bloody tell him that though, his ego is killing me already.)

Presently, I have four fucking plushies squished in between the space between my arms and my chest and each of them is the size of my torso. “Basil!” I can see him heading to win me a fifth, “Basil, I swear, I literally cannot hold another sodding plush bear, please do not.”

I just want that fried butter, but how will I eat the fried butter without hands to hold the stick required to eat the fried butter? Baz probably wouldn’t even let me eat the fried butter anyway. He should let me eat the fried butter, it’s not like I won’t go at a stick occasionally anyway. He’s trying to train me out of it, the ninny. As if I want to learn better than eating sticks of butter.

He’s already out of bloody earshot.

I huff down at my growing collection of plushies. Mr. Bun, Mrs. Bear, Sir Froggington the Fourth, and the Little Duck that Could will surely have another companion soon. The Little Duck that Could is in fact the largest of the plushes, but he has small animal energy. I think he might also technically be a swan, but it’s too late, he’s already been named. It’s sticking.

There’s nothing to be done about it, I suppose. I faithfully trudge after Basil and pray he’s wrong about his skills in this carnival game, just this once, and then I see what it sodding is.

Bloody fucking football.

No wonder he’s practically whooping about it. Well, as much as Baz might whoop. It’s basically just an overly enthused grin, the smile showing the in the curve of his cheek, a not-quite-there, but not-quite-not-there dimple, his eyes sparkling. I can’t very well tell him not to kick footballs about, it’s Baz Pitch, king of the pitch, it’s in his sodding name.

I find a nearby bench to sit my hindquarters on and plop myself down. At least from here I can partake in a particular favourite activity of my own: staring at Baz’s ass while he kicks bloody footballs about.

It’s been three whole years since Watford and 4 years since he played on any kind of regular team, and he has not lost his form. I rest my chin atop Mrs. Bear’s head and sigh. He’s so bloody handsome it hurts to look at sometimes. I think I feel myself losing braincells I turn so braindead just from the man bloody existing.

I hate him so bloody bad. (He’s so perfect I forget how to speak. He’s so handsome I forget how to breathe. I love him so badly it aches whenever he’s not around. Sometimes I think I’m going to be sick from how insane he makes me.)

He’s beaten the game in a solid minute, he’s such a fucking wanker, I love him so fucking much it’s ridiculous. He’s already walking his way back to me with a giant fucking pink kitten plush in his arms, with ridiculous white patches over it’s eyes, and then he does something that makes me love him some impossible amount more.

A small girl, no more than six or seven, I think, had apparently had shit luck with the game, because she’s looking up at Baz with the biggest pleading eyes I have ever seen on a child. He’s kneeling down to talk to her now and the girl’s adult, I think maybe an older sister or very young aunt, is waving her head, like Basil doesn’t have to do whatever he’s thinking about doing, but Basil only shrugs and hands over the plush like it was nothing.

Oh, he’s so smug and soft and kind and perfect, how bloody dare he.

I am going to snog him so sodding hard when we get home.

When he saunters over to me, he shrugs again, as if to say ‘what more can you do?’ but I still have every intention to rib him about it.

“Did you really just give away Sofia the Third of her Name without asking me?”

Baz perks a brow at me, relieving me of Mr. Bun’s company (how dare he?? We have been bonding??) and my arms thank him for it. “I can win you another if you like.”

“No, no,” I sniff dramatically and I can tell Basil knows I’m just taking the piss, “She seemed nice and not at all like an evil child. You can make it up to me in other ways.”

“And how might I appease his royal plush collector?” Basil doesn’t hesitate to rib me right back and I make a show of thinking about it, looping my arm around his and dragging him away from the games and towards the intoxicating smells of fried food.

“Well, you can start by telling me the little miss’s sob story,” I answer and lean myself a little more against my prick of an overconfident boyfriend as we walk, “And then maybe I’ll decide.”

It’s a lie, by the way, I’ve already decided.

Baz, of course, knows this, but he tells me anyway. “Well, she lost all her tickets trying to win a goldfish, but then fell in love with your Sofia the Third–”

“Sofia the Third of her Name,” I correct.

“Right. She fell in love with your Sofia, but with no tickets she couldn’t even attempt. Besides, it’s already past her bedtime and her aunt needs to get her back home before it gets too late. It wasn’t really much of anything. Sofia cost me basically nothing.”

“Because you game the system,” I’m nodding along even as I hear Baz start to huff over it. It makes me laugh a little.

“I’m just good at the bloody games–” He protests and I’m still laughing.

“Good at breaking them, yes,” I agree, already moving on, “Anyway, you can get me a ride on the ferris wheel with all your obscenely large plushies and a stick of fried butter.”

“Simon,” Baz looks down at me, utterly appalled, “I absolutely refuse to get you a stick of fried butter. I refuse to be party to your early, untimely, cholesterol-related death.”

“But Basil,” I give him my best impression of those puppy dog eyes, “I thought you loved me.”

“We are getting you your ferris wheel ride, but there is absolutely no way I’m kissing you post fried butter. I refuse.”

I’m still pouting ferociously at him.

He’s avoiding looking at me.

We’re stopped in front of the dreaded butter stall.

He’s still not looking at me.

I keep pouting.

He caves.

I’ve got my butter stick, my ferris wheel ride, and kisses at the very top of it, despite his complaints and protests.

I love him so much I might die. I might also die of too much butter intake. I don’t care. It’s stupidly delicious. I’m stupidly happy. He could ask me to marry him right now, I’d definitely say yes. He’s too busy bitching about my butter lips to ask me to marry him though. He’s lying through his teeth.He bloody well adores my butter lips and I know it.