#fuck dude im crying right now
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Ya girl may be fullfilling the stereotype at some point next year and becoming a bartender in the world's shittiest sports bar? Uh. Okay. Interesting
#chronic pain means i cant keep doing automotive. i frequent that bar and they heard about and said 'we gotchu'#i love people.#fuck dude im crying right now#its so fucking kind.#fuck. i dont even know their names very well but. theyre doing this for me?#r writes a thing
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the way you drew kokichi .. i think im ascending to the heavens .. i see the light .. chest collapsing .. heartbeat flatlining ..
oho, a Kokichi enjoyer!! tysm!! it was my first time drawing him at the time so im glad i didnt fail him. i dont want to fail any of the kyoto group. i love them all!! even w my clear favoritism
he's nice too, a bit more expressive than Noritoshi so i can finally draw something that isnt :| or >:( even if it isnt by much- i like him too
I like how he's both a dick but also kinda sweet. He's a different flavor of tsun... i can use this. my knowledge on him is limited but FROM WHAT I SAW IN THE WIKI OH MY GOD???????? OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! KOKICHI!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#muta kokichi#kokichi muta#mechamaru#kokichi muta x reader#mechamaru x reader#? i guess#double post lets go im tryna be as fast as lightning#woah a non noritoshi post... crazy.......#my hands feel tingly and weird#my blog is so yume centric that my one track mind made you a love interest right off the bat#fuck it. everyone's in love w you unless stated otherwise#congrats. youre a harem leader/protag now except i have a strong bias towards one guy unless asked abt someone else#AND I JUST FOUND OUT MORE ABT KOKICHI???? WHY AM I FUCKING CRYING????? DUDE WHAT THE FUCK#OH NO THIS IS NOT CORRECT.. IS THIS WHAT SHIBUYA ARC IS???? DUDE#IM GONNA RIP OUT MY HAIR. THIS CANNOT BE. I CANT FAWN OVER ANOTHER CHARACTER W SO LITTLE SCREEN TIME AND CONTENT GOD PLEASE#HE GIVES SO MANY VIBES..... LIKE FUCKED UP 'i'll sacrifice the world for you' VIBES AND ITS MAKING MY BRAIN KRCHAKKRCHAKKRCHACK#kokichi muta... another hidden gem.... wipes tear#we'll treat you right kokichi... sobs. there there#null rot#cloaked cult member
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You're telling me. You're telling me. That David Lister. DAVE LISTER. stopped Rimmer from committing suicide. (Because that's LITERALLY WHAT THAT WAS. HE WAS GONNA UNPLUG HIMSELF and DIE.) he stopped him from committing suicide by. Comparing him to moonlight. Fucking MOONLIGHT. what the fuck what the fuck‽‽‽‽‽‽ AND IT WORKED‽‽‽‽‽
#sorry im just floored right now i need a minute#been thinking about this all day and i still cant comprehend#red dwarf#arnold rimmer#david lister#arnold j rimmer#whats their ship name i forgot someone help me out#rimmer x lister#the promised land#red dwarf the promised land#red dwarf spoilers#moonlight#omfg what the fuck i just thought about it again#thats such a normal dude bro thing to say to a guy that you definatly dont like at all man#jesus#christ#im CRYING#blorbos#blorbo#if they werent blorbos before they sure as hell are now#red dwarf fandom#tw sui talk#tw cursing
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
#origins smp#i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo#otubbo#oranboo#beeduo fanart#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.
Julian Bashir.
From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.
This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."
This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.
Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.
Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.
#i've called julian jules before simply as a normal nickname but i don't think i ever will again. not after this#and knowing that if it had been possible i would have probably gone the way jules did. knowing that at his age i would have gone willingly.#fuck dude i am literally actually crying literal tears irl right now this is not a joke#fuck!!!!!#julian bashir#jules bashir#doctor bashir i presume#came back wrong#star trek deep space nine#HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND THEY KILLED HIM!!!!#i cannot stop crying i am literally crying and like not even just a little#i cannot... poor julian how the FUCK do you ever come to terms with something like that#and like... julian remembers. he has most if not all of jules' memories and also knows he was murdered simply for not being julian#like how did he cope#(im about to go off on a tangent that will contain censored names for the sake of not clogging those tags if you dont know who i mean hmu)#like this is literally the thing that fucked up j*ran so bad he went on a murder spree isn't it#he remembers the one who came before who was killed. very different circumstances of course esp since tr*ll are expected to replace one ano#another but he remembers this person he remembers BEING this person who was young and simply enjoying life and who died a sudden death and#he remembers the experience of that death as well and how it lead to his own creation. it's not remotely similar ofc but considering that#the only time we see t*rias in alpha canon is in julian's body... i need to lie down for a moment.#and jor*n couldn't cope! he couldn't! it was far too much and the weird thing is right now in this moment i GET it y'know?? like that's#so horrific. and i haven't watched any jo*an episode besides facets yet but do you think. do you think j*dzia told julian about all this an#he nodded along and kept composure and then when he was alone he broke down crying? like julian you're doing SO well ily you're coping and#you shouldn't have to obviously but you do nonetheless!! do you think julian still has something from jules? like i've heard there's a tedd#but i mean jules prolly didn't keep a diary he was a six year old with an intellectual disability it's pretty unlikely he could write but#does julian have drawings made by jules? i'd like to think so but honestly his parents probably threw them out. like they also moved so#sorry i'm just. many thoughts head full. ive stopped crying now but who knows for how long. also i'll have to tag this with my original tag#maybe i should've picked something less silly for when i make serious posts but like what am i gonna change my url as well? don't think so#original posts fresh from quark's pussy#and thats the tag limit folks it's been fun. i had to delete two other tags but my god. anyway. thinking about jules bashir forever & cryin
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when you find out they actually listened to your favourite album
#im actually crying#bro#broooo#you can’t fucking do this to me right now dude#I don’t even give a shit if it was just one song or just flipping through#like#bruh#I fucking can’t
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going through my photos and its like wow…. august through october was a fucking nightmare for me
#jc’s cawing#i dony really regret being in those servers but like ???#for context i screenshotted everytime my crush at the time texted me something that i thought seemed romantic#because i feared it would block me once i actually told it#and so i could cry about it on my side blog that i had#always gotta assume the worst of people!!!#anyways#i just??? idk man#maybe im not used to friends being really affectionate???#i think i just get attracted to people way too easily#im very picky with the people i like and when i DO like someone i get way too attached to them#or maybe im right saying that asking me to be a character that you called gay for another character is gonna make me think you want me#(it was sherlock and watson btw)#like you sent a video that had the desc ‘i want a gf/bf so bad’ ???#AM I CRAZY. AM I CRAZY FOR THINKING IT WANTED ME.#all the ‘i thought of you’s as well….#thats my number one weakness#if you tell me you thought of me while i was gone i will instantly fold#i would show the screenshots but i dont hate it that much to show private conversations#anyways!!#looking through different stuff now because i need closure from that shit#the funniest person in that server was snips oh my fucking god im crying#‘No... Chachi...WE CAN'T LET OUR ALPHA DIE’ HELLO????? 😭😭#‘THE DOCTOR AND MY PARENTS WERE NOT LOOKSMAXXING’ ??? 😭😭#from merro btw#‘instead of suicide you just fruited everywhere’ thank you for your wonderful commentary charlie 😭😭#THE UQUIZ REPUBLICAN RESULT?????#‘JC >!??! MORE LIKE BETRAY ME >?!?? top 10 jokes that make more sense when you say them out loud’ 😭😭#dude where the fuck did merro go#they just disappeared one day and i never saw them again
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no cuz fr the most unexplainable thing would be how they didn’t reunite sooner like,,, Mine could have been staying away because he wansnt good enough for daigo (in his mind) but still i don’t think he’d stay THAT far away 💀 at most bro is down the street at any given time 😭
reviews are in for Mine Isn't Dead Actually But He Is Emo So
#snap chats#crying at the thoght of mine and daigo reuniting at the grocery#like yk when you go with your mom and she bumps into an old friend and now youre stuck in a five minute cutscene#yeah that. but your Old Friend was your one true love who you thought killed himself#and now you find out he's just working at the bar around the bend 💀💀💀#stop whyd i remind myself of that tiktok where dudes in a coat rack and is like 'dad is this where youve been all this time'#same shit mine's booking it. hes too embarrassed too ashamed#itd be so funny if every 'dead' character did just get kidnapped by the daidoji#thats the funniest shit to come out of gaiden The Daidoji just being an excuse to bring dead bitches back#not that im complaining its 1000% hilarious as hell vjaLKAEKLJ#gonna see kiryu at the daidoji HQ and act like they dont know each ther#a-fucking-pparently since kiryu doesnt even have a memory of mine in y8 💀💀💀#genuinely hilarious how thats so ... like no i dont think ill remember the man who tried to usurp my son who he was in love with#and he destroyed my orphanage before killnig himself right in front of me. and my son. not worth remembering at all#at least the vocational school quizzes remember mine 💀💀
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Vent ignore
#been trying to sleep for like 30 minutes#and my head hurts from being tired and crying#gods I'm such a little bitch#i make one little ittty bitty fuck up and my brain goes lol#see you can't get better#like dude i have to wake up at 5am can i cry anout this sfter work tomorrow instead.#you can kys after the captialism grind okay?#im head fucking hurts#it is weird when you have abandonement issues#and are constantly scared of veing abandoned#and then you fuck uo just the right way and your brain goes full opposite gears??#like#nah it's better that they leave you#they are better off with you#theyre safer when they're not with you#motherfucker pick a crisis#you can not have a problem with both!!#🙄🙄#sometimes i am like if i got a labatomy i would be a better#bit really thr problem is of i make one mistake my brain goes back to#if im not oerfect i will be left to die#which is valid and deserved and understandable#please i just wanted to sleep#stop throwing yourself a pity party#grow up or shut down#i should not share my emotions#lol#i have learned that whrn i talk to myself i am mean#but i still think that's better than being a prick to others#going to try to sleep now that that's out there
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working in craft scholarship is really cool until you're reading a book to bolster your argument on craft as a form of community symbolism and a protest technique and you are stopped in your tracks moved to tears by a photograph in the book's section on the AIDS quilt. oh my god.
#theo.txt#art history stuff#im gonna talk about this later when i have time. dude. fuck#if ur wondering it's AA Bronson's 'Felix Partz June 5 1994'#viewer discretion is advised as it is a corpse in the photo but oh my god it's so moving to me. art is great#i need to write this essay mr bronson please i cannot cry about this right now. godddddddddd.
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Dude I fell down an escalator I'm gonna cry
#/neg#my knee hurts really bad#oh my god it was literally healing dude#yesterday i busted it in gokarts when i got in a collision#and now i scraped it again#dude what the fuck#shit was so embarrassing#im actually gonna cry right now what the fuck
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My fucking cat jumped onto the door of the terrarium I was building and shattered the glass
#my cat is okay#she ran away from the sound#but I locked her in my office Im so mad right now#i just have to. fix it#I already did what I could for tonight#siliconed the shattered panel on the outside and made a temporary brace while it set#but im just#fuck#dude that was a $200 tank and I didnt even get to use it before lydia cracked it#i can add a panel across the worst of it#but god fucking damn it#i wish I had a roommate to cry with right now#i think the worst part about living alone is just being trapped with the feelings#FUCK#dude I saved up for this tank for forever fucking hell#shit#i can fix it#I can#murphy speaks
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i think my constant seething rage is honestly very reasonable. i literally live in florida.
#got in argument with a guy the other day abt idk. trans athletes#was basically him trying to explain what the issue is to me (i know. that's kinda step one to having an opinion on it.)#and then going yeah huh i guess you're actually right (i was)#and i was like okay great cool we're done here let me go to class and he starts talking about like#how he still loves trump for this and that reason kinda unprompted (sorry you lost an argument dude go introspect somewhere else im LATE)#and i was like yeah idk abt that. on account of all the corruption. and the foreign policy youre saying is like manly macho man strong is#mostly just wildly stupid posturing that's going to achieve nothing at best and world war at worst#and he goes no don't worry i think DESANTIS would be better for 2024 actually#and i. UNDERSTANDBLY. was like oh okay i cannot speak to you (because i am visibly shaking with rage)#and he goes well i think you are misattributing my intentions (cunt.)#and i said no no i don't think you're malicious i just think you're stupid and wildly misinformed#and then left bc i was about to either hit him or start crying (bc that guy has been like very tangibly ruining my life for months#and i genuinely cannot fathom what fucking tax issue or whatever one would value over like. my right to idk. Exist atp.#and also this coming from someone who just tried to be like no i know so many trans people i love trans ppl im not like those conservatives#like try to dig deep down into whatever rotted husk of a brain is left in your skull and fathom why i might have a strong reaction to your#support for DESANTIS and the SPACE LASERS WOMAN#you fucking idiot.)#and was that civil. No. and now i have to apologize to him bc i feel bad about it even though i fully meant it#idk its what i get for trying to change peoples minds with stupid things like#' statistics ' and ' a utilitarian perspective ' and ' existing legal basis for my argument '#guys so wrapped up in their right wing bubble they just dont wanna hear it#n they always assume i mustve not heard their talking points and its like look at where we fucking live#and look at the state of the world. NOBODY in any form of mainstream news shares my politics lmao#you think i havent heard every conceivable argument abt trans people??? also you think im dumb enough to form an opinion without looking at#the other side? yeah man i know about the three trans women who have ever won a sports competition ever. do you?#do you even know their fucking names or sports or trial outcomes.#GOD just fucking. pseudo intellectual facist horseshit like pragru and infowars masquerading as legítimate sources#are making so many dumbass illiterate (i truly don't think they have the reading comprehension to decifer a study or even long article)#guys think they're gods gift to politics bc they listened to someone else tell them what a source says through ten layers of propaganda#just. uh. everyone should die forever and also learn to read.
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...
#thats me in the corner. thats me in thr spotlight. rocking from side to side and not contributing to the conversation#which is to say. i made it to thr lab get together with an old lab mate. i really truely did not think i would#i was like 20min late bc of the crying and hyperventilating over a 6min drive down the road#i sorta freaked out while driving too. and almost turned around. its just that i kno i havent been sleeping enough and got overwhelmed#but i made it there. and i dont think i looked like id been crying but i probably looked a bit blank faced and miserable#as i rocked from side to side for like 2hrs listening to ppl talk. i enjoyed it exactly as much as i expected. it was good to see the guy#again but i just dont connect in group gatherings idk. im glad its done. also fucking we were sitting there and a group comes in and whos#in that group?? someone i have avoided seeing for like a loooong time. the guy who tried to be in a relationship with me back when i 1st#started as a grad student. i say relationship. i was explaining to him why i couldnt do any sort of romantic e tanglement and he was very#firm abt not wanting a relationship. and im like bro im explaining u why no romanticly adjacent thing is gonna work. u literally asked me#to physically hold ur hand thru this. u r somehow more emotionally invested in this than me and also are telling me that u just wanna fuck#me. so like u r not slick. whatever. it was so fucking stressful at the time. which i feel bad abt bc it wasn't really his fault#i was just less self aware so i didnt kno i have bad awareness in the moment. like i dont kno a lines been crossed until a week later when#im laying on thr floor falling apart. so like i wish him the best. didnt kno he was still around. hopefully this doesnt trigger stress#dreams. all this to say i was very fucking tense. and when i got back in my car i was like shaky and panting lol#idk looking back its just such a weird situation with that dude. if i was anyone else it woudlnt have been a big deal but#my brain just doesn't process physical touch right. so now ive got these horrible touch memories that like on paper r literally nothing#but for me they were so unfathomablly awful when i 1st aquired them. i literally could not deal with any romantic stuff for like a month#bc it would like trigger me. now thst its been like 3 years its not bad tho. just like gives me thr ick but i dont get#stuck in the memories too much. its so dumb. whatever. point is im all sore now from sitting all tense haha#unrelated
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It is so fucking funny how someone telling me to do something is the fastest and easiest way to get me to want to Actively grind my life back to halt instead.
#horse.txt#vent //#its dumb. im being dumb let me be clear. this is about getting a fucking job. writing my resume. my mom told me i need to#'start getting serious' about it#and i do. i do.#im just. ghhhh i feel like im going to fucking explode. its so easy its so easy everybody has to do it i dont get to be fucking special#but knowing that never fucking Means anything i can know that like its tattooed to my eyelids and it doesn't change the fact that#i have no idea what the fuck to do#i have lists and lists and lists of advice and tips and help and links and i appreciate them bc at least now i have a foundation to jump off#but i still can't fucking get through them#i cant figure it out. its right there but the second i start to try i run into some roadblock and i start freaking the fuck out#and then i cant fucking go back to it bc by then ive spent an hour crying and im too tired to do anything but sit and cry some more#i hate the fucking options here. i hate the options everywhete. i dont want to fucking work dude im just. im not fucking there#but theres no other fucking option and people get so fucking mean when you try to say that bc im just being fucking lazy lazy lazy#i dont know. if i am im not sure i care that much anymore#im just tired of feeling so fucking miserable and useless but it's hard to ignore because i just amm!!!!!#the only thing i can do better than some people is draw and the idea of doing That for a job makes me feel sick to my stomach#man. i dont know. idk#sometimes i just have to catastrophize things to get it out of my system . iygiygi#ill be fine#just might be a tense Christmas apparently.
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im actively losing my mind over my teacher lmao !!! the dude gave me insanely detailed reviews. and they were also so nice??? so so fucking nice ??? like he praised the hell out of my work.. pointed out all the mistakes, praised little stuff, gave extra advice and sources, and i genuinely in my whole fucking life never had a teacher this great, like i'm so fucking sad he won't be checking my work after this bc this module has ended and there will be new teachers/mentors !!! and all of this is online and i have his discord my dude has an anime pfp like he's so cool for that !! wtf!!!
#and i mean it when i say he's the best ever out of them all lol#like consider every school teacher i had#any extra classes and courses during that time#+ all the profs i had in uni for 4 years right#dats a hellish amount of people and only NOW i have interacted with someone who like... cares??? idk#also he gave me an ego#im not joking im legit insane after reading his reviews#HE SAID SOME FUCKIGN PLANT I MADE WAS THE BEST HE'S SEEN SO FAR FROM STUDENTS#LIKE HOW CAN I BE NORMAL AJAJFKDSHFJS#HE ALSO SAID HE CAN SEE HOW MUCH I IMPROVED ALREADY#i will never be humble fr#how can you be THIS NICE??#shaking and crying honestly#validation makes me fucking crazy fr#like i got good review form him once and i was ready to build a fucking castle in maya just so he's hopefully thinks it's cool#man a good teacher does wonders im not joking. wishing good teachers to all ppl who study rn#i can't remember last time i was motivated about learning stuff#and like excited to get a review#anyways#i have been thinking about this for a while and i just have to vent about this awesome dude like he's so fucking nice#and he checks so many little things in your works you know#insane fr#adry.txt#but bc he was this nice i dont think i will ever think im bad/not good at 3d modeling#he made me feel way too cool#honestly idk what brainworm is in charge but like he says such nice things i wanna show it to everyone and be like LOOK I DID GOOD#MY TEACHER THINKS MY WORK IS GOOD#also.#the mans uses words liek 'incredible' 'bravo' HOW CAN I BE NORMAL AND HUMBLE AFTER THIS SHSHSHJKHKDSJHDSJF
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