#fuck bhaal

[monsterlimbs]

Orin actually drives me insane. She's been on my mind so much recently, I ADORE her. She makes me so heartbroken.

She's so sad. She's literally just the annoying little sister always outshined by her older brother because their Father wants his precious boy to be his successor. She just wants to be acknowledged. She wants to be creative. She wants to be SEEN for her creativity. She gets mad when other people aren't creative and whimsy, and she gets mad when they don't see her for her own whimsy. She doesn't understand she'd never be good enough for Bhaal, and she doesn't understand why- after all, she's KILLING! She's killing so much, and she's doing it BEAUTIFULLY and SAVORING it! Who cares if Durge is killing faster, he doesn't even care for the kill! He's not turning it into an art form, why would HE be adored when SHE'S the one who cares for the craft?

She's also been indoctrinated and groomed since birth. She was born into the murder cult, told to look up to Sarevok and Bhaal and Durge, told that murder is divine- just not the way she does it for some reason. And the implications of the Ecstacy of Murder? By design, she was always meant to be seen

I think once, her and Durge were close, too. Especially when she talks about Durge's little lobotomy. When talking to her disguises, she often mentions the "betrayal". "Then you've already tasted sweet betrayal". She talks about how "Father will see us together again". When disguised as the matchmaker, she basically says "But one stands out amongst the others. You see her in your dreams." talking about herself. If you threaten her, she says "YES! Give me agony!", etc etc. Which all makes me think that they were at least close at one point. Maybe they even killed people together like how families go hunting together (and also, I love the idea of her ALWAYS trying to kill Durge as a way of bonding). There's the, uh, way of thinking that Sarevok was trying to groom them into being... together, based on a few things he says I think (and also the "Father will see us together again".....), but there's also the way of thinking about it as them being close in the siblingly way. Fucked up, indoctrinated siblings, but siblings nonetheless. Even though Durge is more so her uncle, she even refers to him as her sibling and everyone calls Orin Durge's sister. And at one point, at the least, Orin was betrayed by Durge, forgotten by him and replaced by the idea of doing better, being better. And not only that, but he was trying to LEAVE the cult. To do BETTER. I like the idea of Durge trying to be better because of Gortash, but I'm trying to be unbiased here so disregarding Durgetash stuff, he was still trying to leave the cult and stop the endless murder. Which meant, he was trying to leave HER in her mind. It's basically like being the least favorite child in a multi-child family and your big brother, who you're told to look up to, who shines so bright that you're permanently shrouded in your "guardians'" eyes, is UPSET that he's in the spotlight. Upset that HE'S loved. All while you're doing everything in your power to be in the spotlight, to be acknowledged, just ONCE. He's abandoning your family, the life you lead, and YOU, all because he's pissy he's being loved. And gods, he doesn't even deserve it, does he? But you do. You're being so good, he's too quick with his kills- does he even remember any of them? You're doing everything right, YOU'RE the one who should be adored. He's ungrateful. But you can MAKE him good again, and even better, you can put yourself in the spotlight. So she does and lobotomizes Durge and what not, and honestly? I think when Durge is shipped away, it's because she got bored of essentially having her brother's mindless living corpse around. It lacks the personality of Durge, it's so... boring.

Then he returns, and he's already in the spotlight again if he's taken on the Slayer form. And if he hasn't, you have and you're in the spotlight, yippee!!! WRONG. If he hasn't, you have, and it hurts to transform- it hurts so badly- and you're STILL not in the spotlight. Your brother is still being asked to step up again. His little icky Butler won't leave your home, keeps telling you it's your brother's home as if you didn't get rid of him.

Oh well. You'll duel in front of Bhaal and get his favor yet.

If Durge immediately goes into the duel, she dies knowing she was never enough. Or, she wins, and she's STILL. NOT. ENOUGH. But, she has the satisfaction of knowing she's bested Durge. But she doesn't really win, right? Because she's still in the cult. Still groomed. No one cares for her. Her brother is dead.

If Durge tries to keep from attacking and tells her "hey we're in a cult. you're literally a product of incest and you deserve better than that actually. You actually did me a favor by getting rid of my memories, and I'm a changed man. Also Sarevok has lied to you man" she's like "NO NO NO! ....fuck what if he has? what if they ALL have? you are different..... what if we can be better? what if-" and then Bhaal ruins it and possesses her again (after possessing her when she was SEVEN!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING HELL), and FORCES her to fight Durge. And she dies, not in her faculties. Or, she wins, but still not really, because why would Bhaal let her return to her mind, knowing she was so quick to leave? No, she's going to be his perfect little puppet now. No more Orin, right? Even if she wins.

Orin is just a sad little girl constantly bidding for attention, constantly being abandoned. No matter what, she doesn't get her happy ending. She never does.

I think she deserves a happy ending though. Like yes she's the abuser as much as the victim, just like Astarion, Gortash, etc etc. But honestly? If she was without the cult and allowed to just be poetic and creative as fuck? She would've THRIVED!!!!! She'd be the happiest, most creative girl ever.