#fuck I should have just bought 20
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vashti-lives · 1 year ago
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I impulse bought a full bag of this yarn last week when it was on suuuuper deep discount and in an unusual move for me I’m honestly regretting not buying a second bag. It’s still enough for a sweater as-is but having double the yardage would honestly be nice.
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permanentreverie · 2 years ago
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almost had a breakdown at the mall today so might fool around and watch a romcom. As a treat.
#I hate buying things I want to physically throw up after I purchase something for myself#regretting the two (2) articles of clothing I got for myself#I also wasn't able to find an outfit for this friday#cause it's my friends birthday party and she wanted us to wear 'club attire' like ma'am.#I found this like nice dark green top#but it's a turtleneck and I kinda wanted a scoop neckline#and fuck I could find jeans why are jeans impossible to find#I mean I have a light wash pair I can use#but I wanted something different and I literally only have one pair of jeans#like my body dysmorphia SOARS in the changing rooms#fuck nothing ever fits my hips or gut I hate it I hate it I hate it#why are things so fucking expensive shirts should be $10 jeans should be $20 and hoodies should be $25#and I bought a hoodie cause I thought it looked nice but I shouldn't have bought it cause I just splurged on a jimin hoodie#which is no much nicer and I'm waiting for it to arrive in the mail#also I had to buy my friend a gift and I can't stand buying people gifts I'm so bad at it#she's like 'I love sephora ;)' bitch I can't afford sephora.#and I want to get you something meaningful.#and I feel bad cause like I got her cheap perfume and a tshirt#it's a t swift shirt but she owns so many clothes already#granted I got her the same perfume last year and she said she really liked it#anyways I'm thinking for tonight either like set it up; before sunrise; or something at tiffanys#I'll take a look at my watchlist#also open to suggestions if yall have any rom com ideas!
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skenpiel · 2 years ago
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EH!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? CORPSE PARTY PSP GOT A RERELEASE FOR STEAM IN 2021 AND NO ONE TOLD ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
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confinesofmy · 4 months ago
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my favourite game to play on my steam deck is kind of like an offshoot of tamagotchi exclusively for portable consoles, it's where you carry your deck around your house with you all day and never open it and now it's time for beddy bye so you tuck it in bed beside you and you go to sleep
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roseband · 11 months ago
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sooooo since my favorite dress will never fit me again unless i like starve myself or something (it only zips up to where the boobs are ;~; they're never going back down, i cannot lose that "weight" cause it's not "weight" it's boob)
i realized i should probably do a closet clean out to get rid of stuff that'll never fit again
like it's probably not good for me to keep clothing that is for....... 20y/o me instead of 28y/o me
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actual-corpse · 1 year ago
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In today's edition if Fuck America.
I like to try and participate in the Angel Tree (it's poorer families making wishes of the community for Christmas)
I picked up FIVE babies because diapers are said to be expensive.
I didn't know diapers where THIRTY FUCKING DOLLARS for a pack of more than five.
Like, babies poop a lot and go through so many diapers like....
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hoshigray · 9 months ago
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hey!! I love you works=) Can I request a fem!chubby(optional)reader x gojo,where gojo is her mean roommate and after a night when he had fun with a random girl and reader couldn't sleep because of it she confront him and he shows her how much he loves-hates her (NSWF if you can,when I say love-hate I mean he loves her,but she is not afraid to attack his ego so he finds this quite annoying) I truly understand if you don't want to write and I respect your decision =) I just say to try my luck and see if you like the idea
lol well, I'm lucky to have time to indulge in this idea, so why not? hope i did this right...
𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: Gojo x roommate! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - the reader can be read as chubby or not - implied mutual feelings/pining - kissing/making out - teasing - fingering (f! receiving) - oral (f! receiving) - clitoral play (swiping and licking) - doggy style + missionary position - unprotected sex (psa: wrap it up or get tf up) - Gojo being a bit whipped for you - pet names (angel, baby, princess, sweetie) - implied usage of alcohol - mention of saliva/drool. 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.1k
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“God, you can be such a fucking dumbass…Who told you to drink so much?”
“Listen–hic–I was just being the life of the party. Plus, gotta impress the ladies~”
“Oh, for God’s sake, just eat your damn mocha bread.”
Lying on the living room couch with you sitting on your knees on the carpet, tending to his drunken state, was not something Satoru Gojo had planned. It was supposed to be a chill night at the club with the guys – Geto, Nanami, and Haibara – yet he somehow found his way to the dance floor and danced like a rock star, drinking like a fish from taking up all the shots bought by all the women infatuated by him. What can he say; he could never refuse the ladies, even if he doesn’t like alcohol.
However, he’ll admit he might have overdone it and puked in the club bathroom for a solid 20 minutes before his friends decided it was time to go. You opened your apartment door to your roommate being carried by Haibara and Geto, the dark-haired men apologizing for the inconvenience at the late hour after dropping their friend on the couch and leaving you to deal with the tipsy fool. 
Although, with him dealing with the raging headache and horrid acid from the vomit earlier ruining his tastebuds, Gojo would say this wasn’t all too bad. Why? Well, now he has his cute roommate to look after him like they always do.
Although he feels a bit bad that you were up to see him at this ungodly hour, watching you sitting beside him and feeding him his favorite snack to ease his subsiding intoxication made him feel warm. The little pout on your face as you break apart pieces of the mocha bread to feed into his mouth, your gorgeous eyes examining him to see if he’s okay, and your cute pajamas comprised of an oversized shirt and some shorts. If it meant being treated by you like this, the snow-haired man figured he ought to get drunk more often.
The only problem was you nagging at him like he was a child, grabbing for his hand to hold the glass of water on his own. “Drink; I don’t want you puking on my carpet.” Yup, you were his roommate, all right.
He rolled his eyes while taking a sip. “You’re supposed to be talking all sweet and slow to me here because my head’s going at sixty miles an hour. Aren’t you supposed to be sympathetic to the weak?”
You scoffed. “Oh please, you are not weak; you’re just dumb enough to drink whatever thing some pretty girl gives you.” 
“Hmph,” He puffs at you, evoking your eye to twitch. “Well, maybe I should just go back to the venue and find that pretty lady who was dancing with me all night!” He takes a bite of some more mocha bread. “I’m sure she’d be nice enough to minister to my drunk self.”
That was a lie. There was a lady he was dancing with, the same lady who hung out with the guys at the club and had a good time with them. The woman was a wild and entertaining girl, Gojo will admit. But in all aspects, she was just there; she was nothing. If anything, Gojo wished that you were there instead of her. You were busy with work, opting to sit this out and maybe go with the guys the next time. 
And although he didn’t try to argue (outside of pestering you in giving in and coming along), he couldn’t get his mind off you while he was away. You were all he could think about, wondering if you were okay or if you remembered to eat dinner. Or just imagining you being with him, wearing something nice and letting loose around his friends – around him. Fuck, just visioning him and you dancing together would’ve been such a treat and probably saved his poor liver and stomach from all the alcohol. 
Instead, he’s spending the last moments of his late-night high with you, who should be sleeping. You say to him, “Would you?”
He draws his brows upwards. “Hmm?”
“Would you go back?” he now notices the look on your face, as if you’re going back and forth with something internally. “I mean, probably not because I’m sure whoever has to deal with you can’t feed you your favorite bread.” 
He hums, taking note of your expression and your fingers playing with the edge of his plate. “Why do you ask?”
“Because Nanami called me earlier when you were getting a little too wild, like, five shots in,” The number throws the man in a whirlwind; damn, I had more than five? “And he told me you were so tipsy and touchy that you couldn’t stop asking about me. Like, ‘Where’s Y/n’ or ‘Man, I wish Y/n was here; they love this song.’” 
Did I say that? “I said that?” A curt nod is given to Gojo, and he presses his lips to a thin line. Ah, shit. 
“All I’m saying is,” you continue with a pout. “It would be pretty scummy of you to say you’d wanna hang with another woman and then turn around and worry about me, for whatever reason.” 
Sky-blue eyes observe yours downcasted to the plate with the sweet bread. He couldn’t ignore how cute you avoided his gaze — it’s what prompted him to say this: “…There is a reason.”
“Hmm?”
“I didn’t worry about you for nothing,” you watch the white-haired man bring his upper body up from the couch with his elbows. His face is now a foot away from yours, close enough for you to see the earnest glint in his eyes under the soft, warm glow of the ceiling lighting. “Nothing is for ‘whatever’ reason if it’s with you.”
Your brows furrowed together, eyes avoiding Gojo’s gaze. “What could that reason be, I wonder. You’re just saying that so I can stop being up taking care of—“You couldn’t finish that sentence; how could you when Gojo brought a hand to your chin and prompted you to look back at him? Azure eyes pierced right into yours; it made your heart skip, and your body dare not to move.
“You want me to prove you wrong?” He asks with a neutral expression, hard for you to gauge what’s on his mind. You know him; he likes to poke fun or try to get you riled up. So, this shouldn’t be any different (aside from him holding your chin).
You huff, “Go ahead.”
And it was there where you should’ve chosen your words carefully.
“Khaaa! Ohhh! G–Gojo, stop…! Y’r fingerss—Ahhaaa!”
“Aht, aht, don’t do that, angel. Open those legs up for me…Fuck, you’re so cute…Mmm”
It took you aback when Gojo stood up from the couch, took your hand, and walked you from the living room to his room. Confusion on your part turned into immediate shock when he brought you into a kiss. With wide eyes and thoughts going at a million miles per hour, you instinctively tried to brush him off you. But one kiss turned into two, and two kisses turned into three. And before you know it, you sink into the feel of his pillowy lips, a leg situating between yours while your hands come around his neck.
And the surprises don’t stop there; Gojo then hoists you up — yes, picks you up! — and brings you to his bed to continue laying his lips on you. Your shaky moans resulted from his kisses trailing from your chin to your collarbone, the humps of his lower half chafing the groin of your shorts. The twitch of your chasm happens involuntarily — how embarrassing! Especially when he distracts you by claiming your lips again so he can pull down your bottoms and panties.
And that’s how we end up here, you crying out for him as he kisses and nibbles on your ear while his fingers play with your wet folds. “—Ahahhnn!! G–Gojo, no..! Not there…Hnnfff…!”
“You say that, but you’re not letting my fingers go, huh.” He chortles before kissing your cheek, stuffing his middle finger to aid his forefinger in scraping your inner walls. The wails that escaped your lips were so unlike the stern persona he’d usually deal with; they provoked him into wanting to hear more. “Damn, didn’t know my little cute roomie could make such cute sounds. Let me hear more, ‘kay?” 
Cute!? The adjective had your cheeks increase in heat with the twitch of your southern walls clamping onto Gojo’s digits. “Hoooh! Q–Quit playing with me, Gojo; just stop going so fa—Aaahhhh!!” 
From your protest, his fingers go even faster. And worse, he sneaks his thumb to your clitoris, where he shocks your body with swipes and grinds to the delicate pearl. Too fast for you to chew on your lip to shield the creams, “Hey now, I said call me by my name.” He looks at you with flushed cheeks and soft, hooded eyes — way too late to blame the alcohol for such effects. But you can see the passion that’s burning inside those blue orbs of his. “Don’t be stubborn on me, pretty girl. What’s my name, Y/n?”
God, first cutie, now pretty girl; how many names was he gonna call you to drag you deep into your pool of embarrassment? “Haahhh, Satoru, please,” your body jerks to the jabs of his fingers hitting inside you. 
“Heh, good girl. My little angel…” Gojo kisses you again, sucking on your tongue with a teasing vigor before lifting your shirt to display your body to him in its whole form. Your breasts spill open for him to claim a nipple into his mouth for a quick suck. He then travels down your abdomen, playfully nibbling on your soft skin and flesh for you to jerk. His hands massage your inner thighs after spreading them further. 
His face then comes down to your bare cunt, blowing on it to make you squirm. “Fuck, I’ve been wanting to look at you for so long. You made such a gorgeous mess for me.” 
“Go fuck yourself, Gojo,” you peer down at him, only for him to beam with a mischievous smile. Damn, you cursed his dimples for making him look like a childish bastard!
“No thanks, I’m more interested in fucking this cute thing.” He snickers to himself before descending further in between your legs and having you gasp sharply at the feel of his lips on your slit. His tongue swishes between your folds and sucks in your leaking substances for him to savor, the wet muscle teasing its entrance of your vagina before inserting inside.
You almost choke on your spit, crying out for him to stop and trying to close your legs. But that proves worthless, Gojo’s hands holding them to your chest for him to feast on you properly. You’re forced to accept the laps of his tongue, and it has your ears ringing with the obscene sounds coming from the commotion.
“—Ohoo!! Satoru, stop!!” You bring a hand to his head to grab a tuff of his snow-white hair. It does nothing, only making him eat you out even more unsteadily.  His nose occasionally bumps into your clit, your other hand gripping the sheets. “Stooop it, I’m gonna cummm, if you keep….!”
“Go ahead, baby,” he withdraws his mouth, slipping his fingers back inside you to massage euphorically. Your eyes roll up when he licks on your clitoris. “Let’s see my pretty angel be messy for me.” 
You couldn’t prevent yourself from following his command even if you wanted to, the fingers and his wet muscle all doing their part in making sure you give in. And so you do, releasing the reins to let your orgasm overcome you, clamping onto his fingers as it pass through your body through the shocks and your erotic howls. 
And Gojo eats you up through your sensitive nerves and all, his hands not letting you writhe out of this as he stuffs his face into your cunt. Your body jolts with every passing shock until it relaxes. And even then, Gojo still carries a naughty grin when lifting his face and licking his digits. “Look at that, princess. Making my fingers all pretty.”
The display made your ears hot. “Don’t play with it like that!”
“Why, I’m gonna play with you a whole lot more, anyway,” he says while kissing your thighs. He surprises you with a bite, making you huff in surprise. “Gonna play and mark you all mine all night long.”
And he was not lying. Everything happened so fast; one moment, you’re lying on Gojo’s bed with him, eating you out until you come from his mouth two times. The next moment, your pajamas are stripped off you and thrown to the floor along with his. 
“—Noohhh!! Ohhh, fuuuck, ahh, ‘Toruuu, yer goin’ too fast…! Slow down!!”
“Hnngh! Ahhhh, easy for you to say with you gripping on me like crazy…Holy shiiiit, you feel so good…”
Now, you two in the nude are fucking like animals. The hour is way past late for noises to disrupt your neighbors, yet here you are on Gojo’s bed with your face down to the sheets and your ass propped up for him to drill his length deep inside you. He’s caged you beneath him, his strong arms on either side of you while his hips thrust into your plump ass and thighs. The sounds of the action were so raunchy to the ears, something straight from a porno.
The two of you have been going at it for about two previous rounds; your body is already sensitive and sweaty from this. You want to be tired – your mind is trying to tell you you’re exhausted. However, it’s impossible to think of anything else with Gojo hammering his dick into you like no tomorrow. Excessive come leaks from your cunt down your thighs, a white ring forming around the base of his shaft — evidence of your sexes union. 
“Ohhh Jesus, this ’s too much…Nnnphh!” The clap of your ass smacking onto Gojo’s pelvis made you sheepish, sinking your face further into the sheets to try and conceal your cries. But that’s not working when the tip of his cock grazes your velvety walls in such a precise motion that you almost choke on a sob, drool coming down your mouth. “Oh God, right there, ‘Toruuu…”
The white-haired man observes from above, examining your round ass and body jerk from his movements. Fuck, you looked so fucking sexy like this under him, wailing out from him being able to make you feel so good. It strokes his ego so badly, but that’s what happens when he’s finally proving to you how much he’s wanted your body like this. Your erotic body, your adorable mewls, and your amazingly tight cunt clenching on him as if you don’t want to let him go — it all makes his head pound, and his strokes smack on your harsher.
“Shiiiit, I’m so close…” He moans with a cold sweat that rolls down to his chin and hits the skin of your trapezius. Gojo then decides to switch things up before his evident release comes knocking. “Hey, sweetie. Let me see that pretty face of yours.”
You were already maneuvered to face him before he could finish that sentence, your front forced to be seen in his gaze. Your half-lidded orbs locked in with Gojo’s as he bucks his hips to you during missionary. Oh, what an intimate position! 
“Hic—Don’t look!” You say while putting your hands up to his face – accidentally hitting the bottom of his chin, taking him by surprise – not wanting him to see your disheveled and messy self under his observant eyes. 
But that didn’t fly by with him, immediately grabbing your wrists and pinning them down. “Oh, none of that, princess,” his face descends to brush his nose against yours. “I told you I’d prove you wrong. So, how am I supposed to do that with you hiding from me like that?”
You gulp to give him a snarky answer, “Mmmph—You’ve proven that enough!”
“I don’t think so,” he chuckles lightly; fuck, he sounds so hot. “With you, there’s never enough.” He takes your lips with him before you can say more, grinding his hips onto your squelching chasm to scrape your sensitive spots to evoke your screams to be taken from his mouth. 
Gojo then snaps his hips into you at an unsteady tempo, the rhythm too fast to comprehend and catch yourself. The rough hits of his dick so harsh and sporadic, and your mewls are muffled by his kisses. Your hands go to his back, preparing yourself for the climax that rushes back to you for the fifth time that night. 
Oh, fuck, oh my fucking God! And it hits you like a slap to the face; your exhausted body trembles for yet another crescendo to crash over you. Your legs come around to Gojo’s waist to hold on. And Gojo’s not too far from orgasming on his own; the fluttering contractions of your cunt force him to give in and spill into you once again, groaning into your wet and puffy lips. 
The two of you embrace the jolts of your bodies in union, your lips glued to his as he kisses you through it all. And he drops his sweaty body on yours, the heat between you two sticking to your skins from the contact. A hand comes to the top of your head, caressing and massaging your scalp to further your relaxed state.
Gojo breaks the kiss with a soft sound, and a string of saliva sticks to you two until it’s broken apart from his ascent. He chortles, using a thumb to wipe your mouth from spit. “Well, did I make my point?”
You send him a tired glare, sighing heavily while your finger traces his back. “More than enough, Satoru.”
He beams, the dimples returning to blind you. “Good! Because I was thinking of going for another round—“
Your lips quiver with dread at the words, grabbing for a pillow and instantly hitting him in the head with it, not caring about him exclaiming in pain from the impact.
“Hurry up and get off me, you drunk, horny bastard!!”
But one thing was definite; it wasn’t the alcohol that Gojo was drunk on — it was you.
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© ��𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲2024 – dividers from @/benkeibear.
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onekmaway · 3 months ago
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" 𝙈𝙊𝙍𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙉 𝙁𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙉𝘿𝙎 "
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Rafe Cameron x FWB! Male! Reader
A/N: Was listening to more than friends and eyes don't lie by Isabel LaRosa while writing this :3 Just remember, english is not my first language, so sorry for spelling mistakes and bad wording! also, sorry that it's a bit short :(
CW!: Based on my bot I made! (just click on the word 'bot' for the link <3), this is merely headcanons and brabbles and not a full fic (unfortunately), both SFW and NSFW headcanons/brabbles, this Rafe is heavily based on my bot, not the Rafe in the series, same character, just not personality, do not come for me if his personality is wrong or that he won't do these things. Rafe is 20 years old in this. In public you and Rafe are close friends, in private you are fuck buddies, and in Rafe's head you two are dating (you don't know that though) Rafe is hella possessive and clingy (like badly), slight somnophilia!, mention of violence, Rafe is slightly pervy, Rafe is a bit too much into you, Bottom! Rafe x Top! Reader, reader is a male at birth (AMAB) but otherwise, the gender of reader is not explicitly explained, so can be read as transfem reader (who still has a penis) Words to describe reader: you, your, you're, [name]
‎ ‎‎" 𝙁𝙀𝙀𝙇 𝙐𝙎 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙄𝙉', 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙄𝙉' 𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙊𝙉𝙀 "
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SFW
・☆・ He definitely acts like a jealous girlfriend and an insecure one around you even though he knows the both of you are just 'friends' ・☆・ You were his first friend in kindergarten, and now you're still his closest friend even to today ・☆・ You're basically his first contact in his phone, oh, he needs something? He calls you if you have it. Oh, he done something? You're the first to hear about it, he barely even hides things from you now, you two have known each other your whole lives basically ・☆・ He laughs at your jokes often (even if they're not funny), seeing you happy makes him happy ・☆・ Rafe definitely gets jealous often, especially when another person tries to be in your life ・☆・ Be prepared for Rafe to give someone the meanest and nastiest stare if they try to flirt with you (you're his)
・☆・ Rafe definitely buys you things, clothes and accessories mostly, it makes him smile when he sees even one item he bought you on your body ・☆・ Rafe wears a necklace you bought him, and you wear a necklace he bought you, it's of course matching necklaces (one be barely takes off) ・☆・ When the both of you were younger, he definitely slept over at your house a lot and went to school with you like that, a few days a week at least, barely even in his own house during that time ・☆・ Rafe def likes to cuddle you when ever he comes to sleep over (he still does it even though he's 20 now), he doesn't care if he's the big spoon or little spoon, he just wants to hold you while he falls asleep ・☆・ When he gets hurt, expect him to be already at your doorstep, asking you to patch him up, and while you do it, he just smiles at you, asking if you can also kiss it better ・☆・ Oh, but when you get hurt? Even just a bit? He's already hunting down the person who did it, probably carrying a bat with him too, ready to teach the person a lesson to not touch his friend ・☆・ He has a shit ton of things of you, some he stole, and some you bought him or gave to him, he never even threw the things away you gave him when you two were younger, he still has everything, he would rather die then throw those things away ・☆・ Rafe isn't bisexual, or gay or straight, he's [name]sexual, he's basically only attracted to you, yeah he slept with other people before, but why should he when he has you? He just needs you, all he needs is you ・☆・ He acts like your personal bodyguard sometimes ・☆・ Follows you around like a lost puppy, you're the only one he hangs out with almost everyday (he gets pissed if you're gone for too long, and I mean a literal day, he gets pissed if he doesn't see you or gets to hang out with you for a day)
" 𝙉𝙀𝙀𝘿 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙃𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙎 𝙊𝙉 𝙈𝙔 𝙒𝘼𝙄𝙎𝙏 𝙋𝙇𝙀𝘼𝙎𝙀 "
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NSFW
・★・ You were his first wet dream, and you were the first person to take his anal virginity and the last (now he won't let you go) ・★・ Has put some innocent person in the hospital just because they touched your arm and tried to flirt with you
・★・ Has wrapped the necklace you bought him around his cock, stroking himself with it wrapped around his cock, watching it glistening with lube, knowing that your hands was on the necklace at one point before you gave it to him. ・★・ Thinks about you when he hooks up with a girl, you can't leave his head- and it's the only way he'll even cum during sex with the random girl ・★・ Often masturbates to pictures of you ・★・ Did I mention that Rafe just loves to stare at you? Thoughts going inside of his head, some innocent... some not so innocent, imagining you naked, his eyes going over the bulge between your legs, or going over you hands, imagining your hands wrapping around his neck while you fuck him ・★・ His favorite part of your body is your hands obviously, he always imagines that his hand stroking his cock is yours, or that your fingering him when he fingers himself (it's never the same feeling) ・★・ When Rafe sleeps over, be prepared to wake up with either his hand or mouth wrapped around your cock, and when he sees that you're awake, he'll only claim that you were "hard" when he woke up so he decided to help you out ・★・ Rafe loves to ride your cock, it's his favorite position, his other favorite position is probably prone bone, he loves to stuff his face into his pillow while you pound him from behind- hell, wrap your arm around his neck and choke him like that, he absolutely loves it ・★・ Rafe definitely hints that he wants to wake up to you fucking him, since you woke up so many times with him pleasuring you, he wants you to do it back to him, as almost like payback ・★・ Rafe doesn't really care where the two of you fuck, just not visibly in public, maybe in bathrooms, or secretly grinding against each other in the library, but he does not want to be caught, scared that it'll ruin the Cameron name
・★・ Would suck the soul out of your body through your dick, especially when you're trying to game or on a call, he likes to tease you like that ・★・ Oh, but if you do it to him? If you suck him off like it's his last day on earth? God, he is whiny, he wouldn't even be able to talk with anyone while you suck his cock, not even if he tries to block the noises with his hand, you'll still hear him whimpering and whining about how good it feels ・★・ Loves it when you cum on his face, he'll even stick out his tongue while you paint his face white with your cum (don't get it in his hair though, or he won't talk to you for 10 minutes straight) ・★・ Only watches porn if one of the people in the video looks like you, even if just slightly, or if they don't show their face, but he'll still watch it if the person's body matches yours ・★・ He probably wouldn't leave the business to be your househusband (one day, he prays, he seriously does), he'll want YOU to stay at home while he works, one he can come home to, eat some of your delicious food and then get all the stress pounded out of him <3
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★☆ all works belong to @onekmaway, do NOT steal, copy or repost anywhere without permission from ME personally. ☆★
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pretty-circa006 · 4 months ago
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Big Bad Wolf
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Sugar Daddy! Coach! Negan x F! Camgirl! Reader
summary Negan takes interest in a pretty camgirl who he doesn't know is also his student tags online sex work, sex toys, female and male masturbation, age gap (reader is 20 and Negan is 50s-ish probably), dirty talk,
wc 3.1k
note this is part one of a three part mini series
*you are responsible for your own content consumption. if this is something you DO NOT like, simply DO NOT read or interact! :) *
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚。⋆ 
She adjusts her ring light before angling her laptop just right so the webcam captures her body but not her face. Once she’s happy with everything, she starts the livestream. Comments quickly fill her screen, the first of them being her regulars. 
@ b3nd0ver long time no see! i’ve been missing my favourite girl 
@ milflover69 pop a titty 
@ freak4feet do u do foot stuff???
@ milkmann_u look so sexy I can’t breath 
“Welcome back you guys, I’ve been missin’ ya,” she tells her viewers in a sultry voice that bears little resemblance to her own. The thin strap of her tank top slides off her shoulder as she adjusts her position to something more comfortable. 
“I got something new just for y’all!” She excitedly pulls her shoebox full of sex toys into view before opening it. 
@ MikeHunt wtf is in taht box
@ pussypounder take off ur cloths bbg
“Hey, you gotta be patient or else I’m ending this early.” It’s an empty threat, but it always seems to work regardless. She slowly, teasingly removes the lid from the box and tosses it aside. Holding the box up to the webcam, she shows her viewers the collection of different sized dildos, vibrations, butt plugs, and other toys. 
“Which should I use first?” 
@ 1-800-dickudown me! use me. its ab time u put a real dick in that pussy 
“Well why don’t ya come on over here, one eight hundred dick you down, and dick me down?” She teases in reply to that comment. 
1-800-dickudown sent $50.00
“Think I’ll use…” she trails off as she digs through the box, “this one! I bought it with the help of all your donations,” she explains as she shows them the thick, six inch glass dildo. 
“Ribbed for pleasure!” She says, running her finger along the toy to show off the artificial veins. 
@ freak4feet stroke it with ur feet! 
@ oversexxxed ur so pretty show me ur pussy pls
She spreads her thighs giving a full view of her soaked panties. With one hand, she slides her panties aside, exposing her freshly shaven cunt to the webcam. She rubs her clit a few times and lets out some overdramatic moans before grabbing the dildo with her free hand. She slides the toy up and down her slick folds before teasing her entrance with it. 
@ bigdickDILF I could please you better than that piece of crap can. 
bigdickDILF sent $117.23 
She lets out a girlish giggle. “I’d love to test that, big dick DILF. But this’ll have to do for now.” She shoves the tip in as she continues rubbing her clit, making sure to let out some moans and breathy whimpers along the way.
@ milkmann_you never fail to make my dick hard. 
The increase of her pace emits wet erotic sounds. She fights to keep her thighs from squeezing closed as she continues to pleasure herself. The toy hits her g-spot which turns her dramatized moans into real ones. 
“O-Oh, I’m about to cum!” She moans, fucking herself harder with the toy. 
@ sleazyb0iii me too
@ milflover69 POP. A. TITTY >:( 
The fingers of her free hand tangle into the fuzzy rug beneath her as her back arches and toes curl. She screams out as her juices squirt from around the dildo. 
Dogwater sent you $3.00 
b00bman sent you $20.00 
SitOnMyFace sent you $85.00 
“T-thanks for the tips,” she says shakily as she’s coming down from her high. 
@ mustache_MAN lick it clean 
“Yes, sir!” She pulls the toy from her cunt and its covered in her juices. She tilts her screen back so her glossy lips are in view before bringing the dildo up to her mouth. She licks it up and down before putting the tip between her lips. 
“Mmmm, bet you guys wish you could get a taste.” She takes the toy as deep down her throat as she can before gagging, sending tears cascading down her face. She bobs her head up and down the glass dildo as if she were giving a blowjob. She pulls her mouth from the toy before setting it aside. 
mustache_MAN sent $2.47
“Thanks for the tip, mustache man! I know this was a short stream, but that’s all I have for tonight,” she informs her users. Before she she can move her cursor to the ‘end stream’ button, another notification catches her eye. 
BigBadWolf  sent $1,000.00
Her eyes go wide at the amount. She’s never made that much on a single stream before and that catches her off guard. 
“Oh..Oh my gosh, thank you so much big bad wolf,” she says, still in shock. 
@ BigBadWolf Do you take requests? I’d love to see you use your fingers. 
She can’t be sure if she’s turned on by his politeness or the large amount of money, but her cunt clenches around nothing as she swallows dryly. 
“Anything for you,” she purrs, playing it up on the sexiness in hopes for another big tip. She moves from her sitting position to a kneeling position before sliding her panties down her legs. She sits back down and kicks them off before spreading her legs so her viewers get the perfect view of her soaking cunt. She rubs her stiffened clit in tight circles which sent tingles of pleasure down her spine. Her hand drifts down to her entrance before she slips in two fingers. Her free hand pulls down the front of her tank top, freeing her breasts before she squeezes it. 
@ milflover69 finally! 
milflover69 sent $1.00
@ BigBadWolf One more baby, I know you can do it ;)
“Yes, sir,” she moans before sliding in a third finger. She slightly winces at the stretch, but it feels good. Her thumb and index finger pinch and tweaked her nipple as she fucks herself with her fingers. Involuntarily, she ruts up against her own hand, chasing another orgasm. 
“‘M gonna cum again,” she whines as her legs begin to shake. She gropes at her breast as her second orgasm overtakes her. She rests her head against the floor as she catches her breath. With two fingers, she spreads open her lower lips, showcasing her overstimulated cunt. 
“Look at what you guys do to me!” She teases her loyal fans. 
@ BigBadWolf Beautiful
She sits upright and drags her cursor over the ‘end stream’ button. “Okay, I’m ending this for real this time. Love y’all, bye!” She ends the stream and shuts her laptop before fixing her top and putting her panties back on. Apprehensively, she opens her laptop and scrolls to look at her total amount of tips–$2,276.23. That’s almost enough for her to pay for another month of rent in her shitty apartment. A message in her inbox catches her eye and she curiously opens it. It’s from @ BigBadWolf, the seemingly loaded guy from her stream. 
@ BigBadWolf You’re so fucking beautiful. Do you take requests? I’ll happily pay, just name your amount. 
She stares at the message in awe. Typically, the kind of people that message her are weirdos who tell her about their sick fantasies in full detail, so this is a nice change. 
@ virginesque ya, if u subscribe to my profile u can see i post requests all the time
@ BigBadWolf I want these all to myself not something for all your goddamn subscribers to see
@ virginesque oh! i dont usually do that…
@ BigBadWolf Not trying to pressure you or anything, but I’ll pay whatever amount you want
@ virginesque ya? like a million dollars lol
@ BigBadWolf Within reason haha
@ virginesque fuck it why not. whats ur request ???
@ BigBadWolf I’d love to see you in the shower 
After a moment of thinking, she deems his request to be reasonable. Even though she had already showered for the night, she doesn't mind doing it again for a couple of extra bucks. She brings her phone with her into the shower after she had undressed. For the longest time, she just stands there beneath the stream of warm water contemplating if this is something she really wants to do. She needs the money and he’s willing to give it and it’s not like this is too much more than what she already does. After opening the camera, she holds her phone up so her body from the shoulders down is in view. She hits record and with her free hand she lathers her body in soap. Her hands caress over as much of her body she can reach before coming back up to her breasts, lathering soap and squeezing them a few times before ending the video. 
@ virginesque sent a video
She lays in bed, staring at her phone anxiously awaiting the stranger’s reply. Half an hour passes and inbox is still the same–empty. She shuts off her phone and tosses it aside, cursing herself for being so stupid. Of course it seemed too good it be true and she felt like a fool for believing otherwise.
⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚。⋆ 
 When she awoke the next morning, she was still pissed and remained that way for most of the day. 
“Girl, are you okay?” Her friend asks her during stretches. 
“Just a little irritated, y’know, workloads and stuff,” she lies. She makes it a priority to keep her double life as a camgirl a secret. 
“Ugh, tell me about it. If I have to write another fucking paper-“ 
“Enough chit-chat, ladies, keep stretching,” the track and field coach, Coach Negan, orders. 
She can’t help the huff and eye roll that escapes her, but she begrudgingly gets back to her stretches anyway. 
“What crawled up your ass and died?” Coach Negan asks her with a shit eating grin spreading across his face.
“Nothing!” She snaps. Both her friend and Coach Negan give her a strange look. 
“Whatever it is, don’t let it fuck with your performance out there,” he encourages before walking off. 
“I can’t stand him,” she mutters under her breath. 
“Really? I think he’s great,” her friend disagrees. 
“Nuh uh, you just think he’s hot!” She teases before they burst into a fit of giggles. 
“Okay, that’s five extra laps for you two!” An irritated Coach Negan shouts. 
After practice and the extra laps she heads directly to her apartment off campus. With her getting scammed on top of her coach being a hardass, she’s so stressed that she’s ready to just roll over and go to bed. But no, she has a presentation to put together. She flings open her computer and sees that the tab with her camgirl account is still open and there’s a new message in her inbox. 
@ BigBadWolf Sorry for the late reply, had shit to do. 
@ BigBadWolf  You are so fucking sexy babygirl 
@ BigBadWolf sent $500.00
Her eyes widen and mood brightens when she sees he actually replied and the amount he sent. 
@ virginesque oh wow, thank u 
@ BigBadWolf How was your day?
She glares suspiciously at her screen. The first impression she got of him was that he’s some old rich guy who has a porn addiction and a lot of money to fuel it, so him asking about her day comes as a surprise. 
@ virginesque uh good? how was urs?
@ BigBadWolf Better once I watched your video ;) 
She’s sure he’s just using flattery to get more out of her, but still can’t help that her cheeks warmed at his comment. 
@ virginesque glad i could help 
@ BigBadWolf I know this is forward, but do you do video calls?
The question takes her aback. Video calls aren’t something she’s done before, but with the money he’s sent her thus far, she’d be willing to try. 
@ virginesque i’ve never done them before but for u i would
@ BigBadWolf Well aren’t you just sweet as shit
@ virginesque when do u wanna call?
@ BigBadWolf Is now okay?
@ virginesque sure
BigBadWolf is calling….
Her heart races in her chest as she debates actually answering or not. She angles down her laptop screen down so he can’t see her face and answers the call. 
“Hello?” she asks the black screen. 
“Hey, baby,” a deep, raspy voice replies. It’s oddly familiar, but not in a way she can pinpoint. 
“Um, thanks for all the money.” 
“Anything for my favorite girl.” 
She tries to bite back the smile she can feel forming on her face, but his voice is so sexy and words are so flattering. 
“Favorite girl?” 
“Uh huh, no one else makes me feel the way you do.”
“So, uh…what’s your name? Or do I have to keep calling you ‘big bad wolf?’”
He lets out a laugh before replying. "You don't have to call me that, you can just call me sir." 
"Okay, sir, can I see you?" 
He pauses for a moment as if he were in thought and when he turns on his camera, he's in a similar position to hers–sitting down with his face out of view. He has on a white t-shirt and his arms are decorated with tattoos. From what she can see, he seems to be in good shape and could potentially be an attractive man. 
“Will I ever get to see that pretty face of yours?” 
The laugh she lets out is sarcastic. “What makes you so sure my face is pretty?”
“Trust me, I can just tell.” 
“Pfff, okay. Did you just want to video call to flirt with me?”
“I just wanted to see you again, but with my eyes only. None of those other assholes watching you from their screens.” 
“Yeah? What do you want me to do?” 
“Take off your clothes.” 
The impudence of his request catches her off guard. Getting naked on camera and adhering to the wishes of random people on the internet are all things she’s used to, but doing it over a video call made her feel shy. It’s more personable. Instead of just reading comments, she’s hearing him tell her what to do and gets to hear his reaction. With shaky hands, she pulls her shirt over her head and tosses it aside. Reaching behind her back, she nervously unclasps her bra and lets it fall down her shoulders, exposing her breasts to him. 
“Beautiful, baby,” he compliments, sending warmth flooding throughout her body. She gets comments like this all the time, but hearing it from this man has a different affect on her. Like his words and validation actually mean something to her. She stands from her desk chair and unbuttons her jeans before turning around and bending over as she pulls them down. Her panties go next and she sways her hips seductively as she pulls them down too. She steps out of the garments before returning back to her chair. 
“I could just stare at you all day. You are a goddamn piece of artwork.”  
“Stop! You flatter me too much,” she giggles, hiding her face in her hands even though he can’t even see it. 
“Really, I can’t get enough of you. Lemme see that pretty pussy.” She adjusts herself in the chair and lifts her legs, spreading open her thighs and holding them up by the backs of her knees. 
“I wanna see it from the back.” 
“Yes, sir.” She turns around in her chair and holds on to the back of it for support it. She arches her back to give him a better view. 
“That’s it, baby. Touch yourself.” She slides her hand between her legs and rubs her clit. Arousal builds up within her as she pleasures herself. 
“I wish it was you touching me right now,” she whines. 
“Me too, baby, me too. I wanna feel you come undone around my fingers and then taste you all over.” 
“I just know you’d stuff me so good. My cunt and my throat.” 
“Oh honey, you have no idea how fuckin’ good I’d make you feel.” 
She slides two fingers into her now soaking hole. It’s difficult for her to hit her g-spot in this position, but hearing him talk dirty is enough to get her off. She silently whimpers as her orgasm quickly approaches and the man continues to praise her. 
“Attagirl. Lemme see you cum,” he says right when her orgasm hits. Her free hand grips the back of her chair as her thighs shake. She sits back down properly and awaits the man’s next words. 
“Look at what you do to me.” He tilts his camera down so she can see his lap, particularly the tent he’s pitching in his pants. 
“I wish I could help you with that…especially since I caused it,” she teases with feigned innocence. 
“Can I uh…can I watch you take care of it?” 
“Of course, babygirl.” He undoes his belt before pulling down his pants just enough to free his cock from his boxers, and once he did, it slapped against his abdomen. Her eyes widen at the size of him. He’s thick and long and slightly curved and veins run along his shaft. He’s circumcised and keeps it neat down there, too. Out of all the dicks she’s seen from unsolicited dick pics, this man’s is the best, prettiest one she’s ever seen. If he could see her, he’d see that her jaw is dropped with awe. 
“Just met me and you’re already droolin’ over my dick?” 
“So what if I am?” she retorts. 
He just laughs his handsome laugh before spitting into his hand. His large, veiny hand wraps around his shaft before he starts stroking it slowly. 
“Bet you wanna suck it, don’t you?” 
“I’m sure you’d like that,” she laughs. 
“You know me so well.” 
As she watches him stroke his dick, all she can think of is how it would feel inside of her. Heat floods her core and she’s sure he’d be able to put out that fire within her. He occasionally lets out a few grunts and moans as he brings himself closer to his peak. 
“Fuck, baby, I know your pretty little mouth would feel so good around my dick.” 
“Mmmhmm, I’d even let you cum down my throat.” 
“You are such a naughty girl.”  She giggles at the string of profanities that flow from his mouth as he cums all over his hand. 
“If I were there, I’d clean you off with my tongue,” she fantasizes. 
“You are just trying to get me hard all over again, aren't you?” 
“Maybe…” 
“I gotta go get ready for work tomorrow, but let’s do this again sometime, yeah?” 
“You really can’t get enough of me,” she jokes before ending the call. 
@ BigBadWolf sent $2,500.00 
She stares at her screen in disbelief. No way did she just do that, but what shocks her even more was how much she genuinely enjoyed it, how much it turned her on. They seemed to have a genuine connection, too. The way they flirted back and forth effortlessly without any awkward moments in between made her look forward to interacting with him again. 
next part ➤
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phantomrose96 · 2 years ago
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I've mentioned this thing in tags before but I've decided fuck it, it should be its own post.
I've seen this sentiment lumped into Eat the Rich posts which goes like "if you're worth more than $1 million I think you should die" and I think tumblr users need to know this is not the Eat the Rich statement they think it is.
Someone being worth $1 million doesn't mean what you think it means.
A 71-year-old widow who bought a single-family 2,000 sqft home in Somerville Massachusetts with her husband 40 years ago to raise their family in, who now lives in this home all alone because her children are grown and her husband is dead, is--without a shadow of a doubt--worth more than $1 million. Maybe even $1.5 or $2 million. And it's because of her home equity, because that's what single family homes go for these days in that area.
The 71-year-old widow may be living pension check to pension check, because her millionaire status can only be dipped into if she's removed from her home and sells it. And if it's the home she's loved for 40 years, where she simply wants to live out the rest of her time peacefully in, I wouldn't put her to the guillotine for that.
Maybe that comes off as an extreme example, like that's just an outlier of the "we hate millionaires" agenda. But I don't think it truly is. I'll scale back and tell you the median U.S. home price right now is about $430,000. And that's just median. Half of them are more expensive than that.
The statement "I think people should be able to afford to buy and own the homes they live in" is, I would desperately hope, not a radical statement to anyone on Tumblr. I think that's a pretty well-received idea. So someone who's done that, who's bought their home and worked many years to pay off the mortgage and now owns it fully, is worth close to half a million dollars on average. Many of them more than that, as many areas rapidly gentrify and drive up housing worth.
Statement 2: "I think people deserve to have a retirement fund which would comfortably support them through end of life." Too radical for anyone? I hope not. And I won't pretend to be an expert on how much retirement money is ideal. I'm sure it varies with cost of living in places. But considering this is money which, ideally, should support someone for the remaining 10-20 years of life (money which may be necessary to cover the absolutely crippling medical costs of end-of-life treatment) I'd bet it's well into the many hundreds of thousands. Even if someone was simply living off $30k/year of take home money and just making that work, then 15 years of retirement, costing $30k/year, plus maybe $50k+ of end-of-life medical costs... That's at least $500k.
Which is all to say, if you show me someone approaching retirement age who's "worth" $1 million dollars, my hope would be that their house is paid off and their retirement fund is comfortable. I'd be happy for them. I would want this for them.
Even that may not be true, though. Someone "worth" $1 million maybe owns a paid-off house which has rapidly appreciated to being worth $900k, and their $100k in retirement is something they're trying to stretch through end of life. Maybe someone worth $1 million owns a house which has ballooned to $1.1 million, and they're in fact $100k in debt.
And the fact that SO many Americans will never even meet this bar is significantly more appalling to me than the existence of people worth more than $1 million. "I own my home and can retire comfortably" is a bar we want every American to meet. I want more millionaires who are millionaires because they meet these criteria.
If Nana Somerville's house burns down tomorrow, she'll have lost everything. If a billionaire were to similarly lose $1 million of worth, he would not feel it. That's a fickle day at the stock market. That's Tuesday. That's the rich which desperately needs to be eaten.
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fcthots · 1 year ago
Note
“I swear to you, that as long as I’m alive I won’t let a single soul ever harm you.” with protective upset and slightly unhinged jason would be so so good oh my god. like if something bad happens to reader and he has to get violent to defend her… yeah.
-🧸
You were on you way home, out later than you should have been, but your friend needed moral support after a breakup and you lost track of time.
Unfortunately while both you & Jason's apartment and your friend's were just off the edge of crime alley, your friend's apartment was on the opposite end of you and Jason. All of this is to say, unless you wanted to be out after midnight, you had to pass through crime alley after dark. It was just a five minute walk there, when daylight spared you of most of the dangers of Gotham, but it was pitch black now. You should have driven, but at the time it didn’t seem necessary.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
You walked as fast as possible.
You didn’t even have a purse on you. Your phone was in the leather jacket Jason had bought you as a present and you had 20 dollars stuffed somewhere in your pant pockets.
Were you supposed to turn left here? Yeah, you recognize that streetlamp.
You would call Jason, but your phone is fucking dead and it's not like you were gonna ask your crying friend for a charger. And you didn’t realize how late it had gotten until you stepped outside with no way to get back into your friends apartment.
You were in the home stretch, just in the outskirts of crime alley. Almost freedom.
Never let it be said that you were lucky. All of your luck was used getting your hot ass boyfriend. Luck gone.
The man had a knife and was screaming for your wallet. Your wallet that you did not bring with you.
"Give me the wallet or I'm gonna spill your guts on the fucking ground!"
Just because your boyfriend was scary looking, did not mean you were used to scary men, especially ones that yelled at you. Your hands shook and you weren't sure what to do.
"I don’t have it. All I have is 20 dollars, please."
"That's a fucking lie. I see your jacket. I know that shit is expensive. Lie to me again and I'll slit your throat."
Fuck. If you had to guess, it would be Jason that would find your body. You didn’t want it to be Jason. He wouldn't be able to handle seeing your lifeless eyes. You know what it's like to look into your soulmates lifeless eyes and realize they're gone forever; you were hoping Jason would never have to experience that.
"It's-"
"Tough luck... I guess I could accept other forms of payment."
He bares his teeth in a grin as he sees the look on your face.
"Unless you'd prefer that no one ever finds your body?"
You're really glad you told Jason you loved him before he left for patrol.
The man starts getting closer to you. You can't talk, can't scream, can't think. You were gonna die alone.
You think you mumble out a 'please' before your back hits the wall. His knife was to your throat, but all you could think about was Jason.
There was a bang that you didn’t fully register. Before you could think twice about it, your mugger was on the ground. You didn’t move. You stayed, frozen, silent tears running down your cheeks.
"Shh, it's ok. You're ok. It's me."
You finally focused your eyes and saw the white lenses staring at you, his arms in the air.
You babbled nonsense. You couldn't breathe.
You tried to back away from the man on the floor, but you almost fell. You swore your legs were going to give out. Jason was at your side in less than a second. He lifted you over the bleeding body on the ground, supported your weight as your knees buckled.
He tucked your face into the crook of his neck and you choked on air.
"I've got you. Match my breaths, ok? Good. You're doing great. You're ok, I promise."
All you could manage to get out was his name.
"'M right here. Just breathe. Focus on that for me." His hand cradled the base of your neck.
Eventually you stopped crying. Eventually you could breathe again. Eventually Jason led your face away from his neck to look at you. Your whole body shook. You watched as he drew his hand up to his helmet and heard this hiss and click and he took it off. He took your jaw in one of his hands.
He wiped the splattered blood and tears off your cheeks with a gloved hand, traced the trail of fresh blood and broken skin on your neck from where the knife was pressed against you. “I swear to you, that as long as I’m alive I won’t let a single soul ever harm you.”
You looked into his eyes as they flashed an inhuman green, and you believed him.
Bonus:
"Wait, Jay. Did you just happen to stumble across me?"
"There...may or may not be a tracker in the jacket I bought you... You were in one place for too long."
"I hate that that makes me feel safer."
He smiles apologetically. "I love you."
"I love you too."
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sirfrogsworth · 8 months ago
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My egg gadget journey.
Since I started learning to cook eggs in a pan I have been trying to solve various problems in my usual way... buying gadgets.
Because I love gadgets.
My first problem was that I wasn't happy with my whisking. I didn't feel like I was getting the egg whites and yolks fully incorporated. So I bought this fork whisker thingie.
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It has little holes in the tines for optimum whisking!
Or so the Amazon page said.
I thought it would be the size of a normal fork. But in reality, it was gigantic and unwieldy.
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I felt it was so large that it actually made it *harder* to whisk eggs.
So that has been retired to the drawer and has not seen the light of day since.
Then I was having trouble flipping my omelettes. So I got a special omelette flipper.
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This helped a little, but it was too thick and I still had trouble getting it underneath.
Into the drawer it went with its whisking fork friend.
Then a follower suggested a different kind of omelette flipper.
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These have a very thin edge and really get underneath the omelette well. This was my first big success in egg gadgetry. I was able to achieve my first successful fold using this.
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Then I was becoming frustrated with egg cracking. I couldn't do it consistently. I tried on the side of the pan. I tried on the flat countertop. I was improving over time, but I still felt like a gadget could be helpful.
In my brain I was envisioning some electronic doodad that used A.I. cracking technology to perfectly open the egg.
But then I found this...
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It's just a small dish with a raised edge in the middle. Just about the simplest solution imaginable. Doesn't even take batteries.
And it is fucking fantastic.
It's called the "Crack'em" and so I like to say "Release the Crack'em!" when I use it.
You do have to develop a technique, but once you get that down, it cracks eggs perfectly. And it gives you a nice clean section to pull apart the eggshell. And the yolk doesn't drip out as much before you are ready to release it.
Everyone should get a Crack'em.
I still wanted to solve my incorporation issue. I got better at whisking but I still felt like a gadget could improve things.
So I decided to go with the nuclear option.
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This thing is nuts. For the low price I am really amazed at how solid and well-built it feels. And it fucking pulverizes the eggs into a perfectly homogenized substance where white and yolk no longer exist and you just have... egg.
Pure 10,000% incorporated egg.
And with this gadget I was able to increase my egg fluffiness by 20%. And my eggs were already pretty damn fluffy.
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The egg pulverizer is also very easy to clean. You just run water and turn the blade and angle it so it doesn't spray you in the face. You will get sprayed in the face before you figure out that angle. So prepare yourself for that.
And that is my gadget journey so far.
I'm considering this weird flippy pan that would allow me to cook my omelettes evenly on both sides, but I am in a scrambled eggs era so I'm not sure I need that right now.
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It also looks like I could easily yeet hot omelette juice into my face if I am not careful. So I might just stick to my traditional pan.
OH! And one non-gadget thing I learned.
If you have seen The Bear there was a scene where Sydney cooks an omelette and crunches potato chips on top.
youtube
And it works! Tastes great on scrambled eggs as well.
Potato chips, who would have thought?
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ofstarsandvibranium · 3 months ago
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Playing with Fire: The House
Fandom: Marvel (Dad’s Best Friend AU)
Pairing: DBF!Bucky x F!Reader
Summary: Your dad's coworker and best friend, Bucky, decides to tag along with you on your errands after your boyfriend bailed on you last minute.
A/N: This was long overdo! But here's the last part of Playing with Fire! Reader is in her mid/lates 20s. Bucky is in his early 40s!
Warning: smut - oral (f receiving), p in v
The Book Store | The Photobooth | The Restaurant
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After your errands and lunch with Bucky, he drives you guys back to your house. When you enter, your dad is sitting on the couch watching tv.
"Hey! Get everything done?"
You nod, "Yup! Buck was surprisingly very helpful," you playfully nudge the older man and he snorts.
"Well, she was being a brat the entire day."
You slap his arm, "Was not!"
Bucky chuckles, "Okay, okay. You weren't." he looks to your dad, "It was a good day. Things go okay at the office?"
Your dad lets out a deep breath, and holds up the beer in his hand, "This is my second beer of the day, so that should tell you how it went."
"Yikes," Bucky mumbles and joins your dad on the couch.
As you go through the stuff you purchased today, you pull out the DVD Bucky bought earlier, "Oh! Bucky found this movie at Carol's bookshop," you toss it to Bucky, who handed it to your dad.
"Woah! I haven't seen this movie in forever!"
You snort at your dad's excitement, "I guess I'll go change, make some popcorn and we can watch it?"
"Sounds good," your dad responds and looks at Buck, "You stayin'?"
He shrugs, "Yeah, I guess I'll stay around you losers for a little longer," he looks over at you and gives you a wink. You roll your eyes at him and head to your room to change into something more comfortable.
When you come back down, Bucky's in the kitchen grabbing himself a beer. You walk past him to grab a bowl and a bag of popcorn. He glances your way and then doubles back.
His eyes rake your body as you wear tight work out shorts and a thin strapped tank top. You're standing in front of the microwave, waiting for the popcorn to pop.
With a quick glance at your dad in the living room, Bucky moves to stand behind you, placing his hands on your hips. You gasp in surprise and hiss, "Bucky-"
He leans in, lips hovering over your ears and he whispers, "You look so fucking good in this outfit." He immediately pulls away and you spin to look at him. He gives you a smirk and a wink, exiting the kitchen as if nothing happened.
You let out a deep breath, mentally cursing yourself and your dad's best friend for getting you riled up.
You shake off the tingling sensation you felt when Bucky held you and whispered in your ear. No. You can't do this. You can't feel this way. You have a boyfriend!
When the microwave beeps, you immediately pull it out and dump the contents into a large bowl. You grab a water bottle for yourself and head into the living room.
Bucky and your dad sit on opposite ends of the couch, leaving the middle for you. You turn off the lights and plop in between them. You pull a blanket over yourself, the bowl of popcorn nestling in your lap, "Okay, ready!"
Your dad pushes play and the movie begins. Bucky immediately stretches his arms out and rests one along the couch, practically hovering over your shoulders.
You immediately shoot him a look and he just shrugs, turning his attention to the tv. The movie is an action comedy. The dialogue and humor is dated, but you still find it enjoyable. Bucky and your dad laugh throughout the movie. You chuckle at some points, but you're mainly there for the vibes.
Halfway through the movie, your dad loudly yawns and apologizes. You pause the movie, "You can head to bed if you want. It's getting late anyways."
He glances at the time and frowns, "It's only 9:30."
"Isn't that late for you old guys?" you ask with a smirk.
Bucky snorts and your dad chuckles, "Alright, you brat," he says affectionally, "I'm surprised you're not tired from running all over town with Bucky."
You shrug, "My youthful energy keeps me up."
"Hm, well, I am exhausted from work today, so I'll head to bed early," he points at Bucky, "See you tomorrow. Don't let this one," he points at you, "Bully you like she does to me."
Bucky gives a salute, "I'll keep her in check. Good night, man."
"Night, Buck," your dad pecks a kiss to your head, "Good night. Behave. Don't stay up too late."
"Got it! Night, dad!" you give him a wave and watch as he heads to his bedroom. You continue the movie, eyes glued to the screen.
The hair raises on the back of your neck as Bucky's fingers start drawing shapes along your shoulder.
"Bucky-"
"I'm not doin' anything, sugar. Be a good girl and watch the movie."
You bite back a moan. The way his voice was low and rasp when he said that, it definitely aroused you and you mentally scold yourself for it.
Bucky leans in as he grabs some popcorn from the bowl on your lap. He takes this opportunity to scoot closer to you.
You do your best to watch the movie but you don't even know what's been happening for the past few minutes.
Bucky leans in again and smells you, murmuring against your skin, "You smell so good, sugar. So sweet," his fingers play with the thin strap of your top, "Bet you taste sweet too."
You turn to him with a glare, "Bucky, stop. I have a boyfriend. I know you don't think he treats me right or whatever, but this needs to stop. I know you're trying to prove a point but I just-fuck."
Bucky immediately drops the act. He looks at you with remorse, "I'm sorry. I-I was pushing your boundaries and that was wrong of me." he distances himself from you, "I just," he pauses and runs a hand down his face, "You're a beautiful, smart, and sweet young woman. You deserve to be properly loved and cared for. This John guy doesn't seem like he's doing that for you. I just want you to know that you deserve better." he promptly stands from the couch, "I think I should head out now. I am sorry, sugar, truly." He gives you a nod then lets himself out of your house. You slump into the couch and bring a pillow to your face, screaming into the fabric.
_______________________________
A Week Later
You're annoyed. You're annoyed with yourself, with John, but most importantly, Bucky.
Bucky was right and you kind of hate him for it. John treated you like shit and what's even worse is while you were out running errands with Bucky and mentally scolding yourself for finding your dad's best friend attractive, John was fucking some other woman behind your back! He'd been cheating on you this entire time and you defended him when Bucky opposed him.
Ugh. What a fucking mess.
You're so upset and annoyed with Bucky that you drive over to his place to tell him so.
Your chest his heaving as you waltz up to his door and knock hard.
And of fucking course, he answers the door wearing a tight tshirt and gray sweatpants. He looks at you confused, "Sugar? You okay?"
You push past him, entering his home, "No, I'm not okay! I'm so annoyed with you!"
He cocks a brow, crossing his arms over his chest, causing the fabric of the sleeves to hug his biceps even more, "What did I do?"
"You were fucking right! John wasn't treating me well and he certainly didn't care for me as much as he said he was because he was fucking cheating on me!"
Bucky looks at you confused, "Wait, so your now ex-boyfriend cheated on you, yet you're upset with me?"
"Because you were right and I was feeling guilty for finding you attractive while I was still with John but that didn't even matter 'cause he was cheating on me a majority of our relationship!"
Bucky tries to hold back a smirk and you groan, "Stop that! Stop looking so fucking hot and riling me up! I hate it! I hate that now I see you as someone more than just my dad's best friend! I hate that I see you as this older guy who's smart and funny, annoying but handsome, dorky and also sexy and it frustrates me!"
Bucky licks his lips and steps closer to you, "Then why don't we do something about that frustration, sugar?"
Fire. You're playing with fire. This is your dad's best friend and yet you can't help but want him. You are a moth and Bucky is a flame and you're desperate for his warmth and glow.
"Fuck it," you mumble before pulling him by the back of his neck, pressing your lips to his.
Bucky doesn't hesitate to deepen the kiss. He grips you by the waist, pulling you closer. His hands move back to grip your ass, causing you to moan into the kiss.
He pulls away just enough to murmur, "You sure about this?"
You look into his bright blue eyes and smirk, "Show me how a real man fucks, Bucky."
You watch as his eyes dilate and he practically growls, "With pleasure." He takes your hand pulling you straight to his bedroom. You've been everywhere in his house when you and your dad come over, but you've never been inside his room.
It's just like the rest of his house, dark colors, photos and knick knacks scattered around. Some paintings that his friend Steve had done, donning the walls.
You don't get much time to take in the room because Bucky picks you up and tosses you onto his bed. You giggle as you bounce a bit.
He falls to his knees, his hands sliding up your legs, "I'll treat you like a fucking queen, sugar. Show you how you're supposed to treated." he tugs down your leggings, tossing them to the floor.
He teases you through your underwear. He smirks as he feels how wet you are already, "Already soaking for me, baby? That's what I do to ya, huh?" He pulls you closer to him by the ankles. He presses a kiss over your clothed core and you whine.
"Buck, please."
"Whatcha want, pretty baby? Hm? Use your words?"
"Fuck me with your tongue. Please? I wanna feel your mouth on me."
He chuckles, "Whatever the lady wants, she gets," he quickly pulls off your underwear. Unbeknownst to you, he pockets the garment. He brings you even closer, your thighs sandwiching his head. He spreads you open and licks a stripe up your slit, causing your breath to hitch.
He moans as he tastes all of you, his tongue delving deep inside to then circle around your clit. Bucky watches you with hooded eyes as you grip his bedsheets in pleasure. Your back arched, eyes closed, and mouth open. You look like a goddess.
While Bucky's runs circles along your clit, he slowly inserts a finger into you. He pumps the digit in a slow rhythm which causes you to grind up into his face. You crave more and Bucky happily provides. He inserts another finger and you moan curses, paired with Bucky's name.
His fingers and tongue work in tandem together. You feel that pleasure building up inside you more and more.
You're crying out to Bucky, begging for more, desperate to cum for him.
"Shit! Bucky!" his name is the last thing on your lips as you gush around his fingers. He takes it all, happily so, as your legs shake around him.
When your body stills, he slowly lowers your legs onto his bed. And he stands, lapping up his fingers while taking in your spent figure.
"I was right," he says.
You look at him in a post-orgasmic haze, "About?"
"You taste just as sweet as you are."
You roll your eyes at him as he pulls off his shirt and pushes down his sweats. He crawls onto the bed, body hovering over yours, "You still want to do this? There's no going back after this."
"Please, Bucky. Fuck me."
He grins and pecks your lips, "Now how can I say no to you when you beg for me like that?"
He pulls away to rid himself of his boxers. He reaches into his bedside drawer and pulls out a condom. He quickly rips it open and rolls the rubber onto him.
He then goes to kneel in between your legs and you quickly wrap your legs around him, causing him to fall forward.
His arm catches himself before he can collapse onto you, "Eager, sugar?"
"You're taking too long, old man," you respond with sass.
Bucky's eyes darken. He grabs his length, and teases your entrance with it, "Tsk. Tsk. How can you be so sweet and so bratty as the same time?" He then sheaths himself inside you and you gasp.
He smirks at you and chuckles, "Nothin' to say, sugar?"
"Fuck me, Bucky," you mumble.
He promptly sits up and pulls you by the hips. His cock hits you deep and then he pulls back to only thrust back into you again. His movements are hard and fast to the point the bed rocks in the rhythm he sets.
"That's it, baby, so fucking pretty taking my dick." Bucky says as he watches your face scrunch up in pleasure. You're gripping onto his arms as he holds your hips while he fucks you.
"Does your dad know you're here, hm? Does he know how his little girl is getting fucked by his best friend?"
You shake your head, "No. Fuck, no."
"Of course he doesn't. Can't know that his little girl is my fucking naughty girl, hm? Fuck, you feel so fucking good, sugar."
He bends down, propping himself by his arms, his body hovering over you as he fucks you. You pull him into a heated kiss, moaning into his lips while he gives hard thrusts.
"Rub your pussy for me, baby. Wanna cum together and 'm close."
You nod, immediately bringing your hand down to your clit and rubbing fast circles around the nub. The added pleasure causes you to clench onto his cock.
"Fuck, that's it, baby. That's it. Fucking close. Shit."
His hips slam into yours, harder, faster, as he's so desperate to get that release.
You're close too as you moan his name, "Bucky! Oh fuck!"
He thrusts once...twice.. and thrice until his hips still. He lets out the sexiest moan you've ever heard as he cums in the condom.
"Goddamn," he groans as he slowly pulls out of you. He wipes the sweat off his forehead and runs a hand through his brown locks.
He gets a good look at you. Your body is covered in a thin sheet of sweat, your chest rising and falling as you catch your breath.
"Fuck," he murmurs, "We really just did that."
He pulls off the condom, tying a knot in it, and tossing it into a nearby trash bin. He then climbs off the bed, pulling on his boxers.
"I'll be back." he heads to the bathroom where he grabs a hand towel. He dampens it with warm water and comes back to you. You keep your eyes on him while he wipes you down. You take in his furrowed brows and a pit of insecurity opens inside you.
"Do you regret it?"
He sighs, "We shouldn't have done that."
"Okay," you murmur. After he's done, you immediately get up and start to undress.
Bucky stands and makes you pause, "Hey."
You look at him, on the verge of tears and it breaks Bucky's heart. As a tear cascades down your cheek, he immediately wipes it away, "I don't regret it, but doing that just made things complicated."
"I know."
"Your dad obviously can't know about this."
"I know."
"You also just went through a breakup."
You let out an exasperated sigh, "Bucky, are you rejecting me or not?"
"Not really. Your emotions were high. You just found out your boyfriend was cheating on you. All I'm saying is give yourself some time to heal before.."
"Before?"
"Before we can see where this," he gestures between you and himself, "goes."
Your brows shoot up in surprise, "You want to explore this?"
He shrugs, "We clearly have some chemistry, but you're also young. You're still in your twenties and have a lot going on. If you don't want anything with me, that's fine. I'll live. I just don't wanna hold you back from exploring and enjoying your twenties and college life."
You can't help but scoff, "Bucky, I've been spending a majority of my twenties either at school or with you and my dad. I don't think you'd be holding me back at all."
He shrugs again, "Still. Just, take your time, alright, sugar? I'll be here when you need or want me."
"Okay," you reply softly.
You and Bucky both redress and he leads you to the kitchen where he makes you lunch. Afterwards, you give him a peck on the lips and leave.
On your way home, you think about what had just happened.
You thought you after getting Bucky out of your system, you'd be done. But nope, you're still drawn to his roaring flame. Are you bound to get burned? Probably. But that's what happens when you play with fire.
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harryforvogue · 10 months ago
Text
a fic about harry and faye where faye needs to be picked up because it's snowed so bad and also she's feeling very very needy. has smut so be careful. or not. do whatever you like. DO leave feedback though or else i will fucking haunt you
***
Faye calls Harry at around 6pm.
He’s asleep, his iPad abandoned by his side with the pen still between his fingertips. He doesn’t know what time he dozed off, but he’s got to thank Faye for the portable heater she bought him for Christmas. It’s magnificent.
Getting himself out of bed to reach for his phone is difficult. When he finally manages, the only thing that makes him pick up is Faye’s photo.
He brings it to his ear. “Hi, baby.”
Immediately, he can hear the frown in her voice. “Oh no. I woke you up.”
“It’s all right,” he says, rubbing his eyes. “I wasn’t supposed to sleep anyways. I’ll barely get a few hours at night if I nap now.” He brings his phone back to his bed and sits down. “What’s up?”
“Um, well I just finished rehearsals.”
“Yeah? That’s good. Got out early?”
“Yes, it’s snowing pretty bad now.”
“Mm, is it?” He forces himself to get back up and take a peek out his curtains. She’s right; the snow lays on the roads, flurries all around still. “You wanna stay on the phone with me until you get home?”
“That’s kind of the thing. I’ve been at this bus stop for 15 minutes and my app keeps saying the bus is about to come, but the roads aren’t properly cleared so I don’t think it’s coming.”
Harry frowns. “You’re outside?”
“Yeah. I walked to the stop, but it’s like a ghost town here. Nobody’s out driving. The buses may have all been canceled.”
“Oh shit. Are you wearing warm clothes? Gloves and all?”
“Yup.”
“Good. Which stop are you at today? I’ll come get you.”
There’s instant relief in her voice. “Thank you.” She tells him which stop and then sighs softly. “It’s not that cold which is good. I suppose I should sit down on the bench but there’s ice on it and I already slipped while walking here. My butt still hurts.”
Harry groans as he tugs his jacket on and grabs an extra beanie. He shoves his feet into his shoes and grabs his keys. “Don’t tell me that,” he says. “Are you all right?”
“Yes,” Faye laughs. “I’m okay.”
“Think you can hold on for 15 minutes?”
“Yes, but Harry you have to drive safely, okay? The inner roads aren’t cleared at all.”
Harry sticks a piece of gum in his mouth. “Yeah, love, I’ll be fine.”
“Okay.”
“Wanna stay on the phone with me?”
“Um, I would, but I can barely feel my fingers.”
Harry has to groan again. He’s outside now and thankfully his car isn’t looking too bad. He’ll still need to defrost it a bit. “Faye, you just told me you had gloves!”
“Whoops.”
“Okay, I’m going to hang up, but please try to get warm. Go into one of those shops nearby.”
“The only shop open near me is the chicken shop.”
“Go in there.”
“I don’t like the smell of chicken.”
“I must say that you are insanely difficult today.”
Faye giggles. “I’m not.” She must hear him turn his ignition on. “Okay, bye now. Drive safe.”
“I will.”
She hangs up. Harry has to step out of the car with his snow brush, pushing his way over to clean his windshields. He’s blasting the heat on the inside, and within ten minutes, he’s ready to go. When he gets back in his car, he’s muttering swears, trembling with the cold. “Not that cold, my ass.”
And Faye’s right. The inner roads are horrendous. He drives so below the speed limit, he may as well walk to get her. 15 minutes turn into 20 and by the time he’s pulling up to her bus stop, he’s very worried Faye may be a frozen block of ice. 
Faye wobbles her way over to the car, yanking the door open and all but throwing herself inside. She’s shivering so bad, Harry puts the car in park and reaches over the console to hug her tightly.
“For fuck’s sake, Faye,” he mutters, suppressing a shiver at her cold face pressed into his neck. “I told you to go into the shop!”
“If y-you made me wait any longer, I would have!”
“I drove as fast as I could.”
Harry turns the heat up higher and rubs her arms firmly, trying to get her tight muscles to relax. She’s wearing a winter jacket, yes, but her head is uncovered and she doesn’t even have a scarf. He pulls back to look at her, hoping there’s disappointment on his face. But Faye’s eyes just light up and then she’s lifting her head to get a kiss.
He can’t say no.
He cups her face and softly kisses her. Her lips are cold, but he can still taste the cherry chapstick as if she kept reapplying it every few minutes. She kisses him several more times, but when she places her frozen hands on his neck, he pulls away sharply.
“Faye!” He holds his neck as if wounded. “That’s so cold!”
Faye’s knees bounce. “Sorry!"
She doesn’t look sorry.
He grabs the beanie he’s brought her and throws it onto her head. Her bangs get caught on her forehead, momentarily blinding her, and she laughs, fixing the hat. Her black hair frames her cheeks. She reaches in for another kiss, but Harry stops her with a shake of his head.
“Get warm first. Or else you’ll get hypothermia and then I’ll have nobody to kiss.”
Faye says, “Wow you sound a lot like me.” She holds her trembling hands by the vents, shivering so bad, she’s compelled to make audible noises to show how cold she is, her jaw quivering. Harry starts driving the car again, and once he gets off the main street, he reaches for her hand and holds it in his lap.
“How were rehearsals?”
“Okay,” she says, shoulders shaking. “Maybe people couldn’t come in today because of the snow. I had to do, like, three roles.”
“Opening night is next month, right?”
“Yup. I got you your tickets.”
Harry kisses the back of her hand, squeezing her pale fingertips hard. She's painted her nails dark blue, he notices. “Thank you. Are you hungry?”
“Mhm.”
“Let’s get something to eat then. I don’t have anything at home. Didn’t cook today.”
“Oh. Are we going to yours?”
“Yes.”
“Can I stay over?”
Harry smiles. “Yes.”
“Is Timmy home?”
“Nope.”
“Can we play that video game again?”
Harry sends her a look. “I thought you’d want to watch a movie or something.”
“Well, if you want to. But I had a lot of fun playing that game.”
“Yes, you were so good at it.”
She was not. Harry spent the entire night trying to save her, getting himself killed, and then yelling and begging her to stay alive until he could be revived. Faye had a lot of fun it seems, though Harry wouldn’t say it was a very productive night.
But, if she wants to do it, then they will.
“I feel like I’ll be better tonight,” Faye says, leaning forward to put her face against the air vent. Her eyes flutter shut. “We’ll get to the next level.”
“You mean level two.”
She laughs.
Harry’s pulling up to the take out shop they’ve agreed on when his phone goes off. He answers it on the car’s speakerphone.
“Yeah, mate?”
“Hey,” Timothée’s voice rings out. “Where are you right now?”
“I’m with Faye picking up food.”
“Oh cool. Hey, can you pick me up from the shop, man? My car’s fucking buried.”
Harry sighs. “Yeah, that’s fine. When are you off work?”
“Twenty minutes.”
“Yeah, I’ll get you.”
“Cool, and hey–”
“Yeah?”
“Can you grab me some food? I’ll pay you back.”
Harry says, “I’ll think about it.”
There’s silence on the other line until Timmy says, “Faye?”
She leans in. “Yeah?”
“Can you make sure he gets me food? I’ll Venmo you right now.”
“Will do.”
“Thanks. Bye!” And then he hangs up.
Harry rubs his eye and then unbuckles his seat belt. Faye goes to do the same, but he stops her, shaking his head. “No, you need to stay warm.”
“I’m fine!”
“Nope.” He locks the car after opening his door and gives her a meaningful look. She watches him disappear into the shop.
When he comes back, he thinks she’s looking a lot better. The red in her cheeks has returned and she’s reapplying her chapstick without shaking fingers. He leans over and kisses her, pleased that her lips aren’t frozen anymore. Unexpectedly, she holds onto his collar and kisses him harder, and she doesn’t let him go until he’s chuckling against her lips and trying to pry away.
“What’s gotten into you?” he murmurs, peppering kisses down to her jaw. She shivers, but not from the cold this time.
“Just missed you.”
“Mm.” He kisses her cheek. “I missed you too.”
It’s a lot harder to drive after that, especially because Harry’s hand rests on Faye’s thigh, and she keeps playing with his fingers, occasionally pulling his hand up to kiss his palm. 
When they get to the shop, Timmy rushes into the car and slaps a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Thank you, man. This is great. Thanks. Hey, Faye.”
“Hi.”
“You’re coming over?”
“Yup.”
“Cool. Did you get me any food?”
“Yes we did.” She hands him the aux cord when he asks for it. They listen to his odd taste in music for the ride home.
Harry takes Faye up to his room when they get home. Timmy’s nearly falling asleep so he eats his food quietly and then heads to his own room with a reminder through the walls that he’d appreciate it if Harry and Faye kept it down.
Faye says, “I don’t know why he always says that,” as she’s climbing into Harry’s lap on his bed in his shirt only. He looks up at her, eyes shining, his hands resting just below her butt. She wraps her arms around his neck. “We’ve never been that loud.”
“I mean I certainly haven’t,” Harry teases, pulling her down onto his thighs.
“Me neither!”
“Sure.”
Faye can’t come up with a response, so she kisses him, and then turns around in his lap, back pressed to his warm, strong chest. He places his hand on her thigh, holding her to him. As he’s setting up the game, she reaches over and grabs his iPad, turning it on to see his latest sketch.
It’s a very daunting looking dragon with detailed wings and scales. She zooms in to see all of it, thoroughly impressed. “This is so cool, Harry!”
“Yeah? Thanks, baby. Had a client say she wanted a big dragon piece so I’ve been brainstorming.”
“Where does she want it?”
“Around her bicep.”
“It must hurt like crazy.”
Harry hooks his chin over her shoulder and hugs her tight to him. “Yeah, but as long as they’re happy with it, right?”
She turns her head to look at him with her devastatingly pretty eyes. “Have you done any cool ones this week?”
He makes a show of thinking really hard. “Did a decent snake two days ago.”
“Ooh. Will you post the pictures?”
“Yeah. Haven’t had the time to.”
Faye cradles his face and kisses his cheek. “I’ll be the first person to like it.”
“You always are,” he murmurs, tilting his head back so she can continue her kisses down his neck.
His eyes flutter shut as Faye’s hands run over his arms, gently pressing herself back against him. He feels her breath hitch.
“Faye,” he softly admonishes. “You said you wanted to play the game.” 
“It’s still loading,” she whispers back, shaking him off to be able to turn in his arms again. The force she kisses him with throws him off. He’s pushed back, hands flying out to steady himself against his mattress. She wraps her legs around him and kisses him breathless, her fingers trailing up the sides of his head and then burying themselves into his curls. She presses herself against him again, and then she gently licks at him. Harry welcomes her tongue when he parts his lips.
She kisses him like she hasn’t been kissed properly in years – which is simply untrue because he kisses her until she forgets her name on a routined basis. Faye presses herself even closer, and when the first whine leaves her throat, Harry’s arms are around her, dragging her hips against his. She sighs as if that small contact between them has caused her such release.
The TV makes a noise to tell them the game has finished loading. Faye’s mouth shows no signs of letting him up. Harry pulls up for a second to breathe, and then kisses her again, leaning into her with his hands spread out against her back. They stay there until he’s sliding his fingers under his shirt that she wears, slowly pushing her until she’s laying on her back and Harry’s hovering over her.
“The game,” he whispers.
“Hm?” she manages, rolling her hips against his again, her eyes both innocent and flirty.
He breathes out a swear and then works on pulling the shirt off of her. Faye shivers immediately, but he kisses down her neck and collarbones to warm her up, letting her adjust when she catches onto what he wants to do. She slides back and lets him move further down her body.
“Harry–”
“Yes, baby?”
She changes her mind when Harry’s fingers hook into her underwear. “Oh. Oh, nothing.”
“Tell me,” he says, dragging them down. 
“Well, it’s only that I thought I’d do this for you. Because you, um, picked me up and I wanted to thank you.”
Harry chuckles. “You can do that after this, but right now I have a feeling you’re going to explode if I don’t touch you. Care to tell me what’s got you so worked up? I fucked you so well just two days ago.”
Faye throws a hand over her eyes and Harry doesn’t know if it’s because she’s forced to answer his question while unclothed or if it’s his words that embarrass her. Possibly both.
“It’s because you came to get me and your voice was so deep and raspy and tired and your hand on my thigh and–”
Harry situates himself between her legs and lets her knees come up besides his head. He kisses her soft inner thighs and wraps his arms around them. Faye lifts her head to glance down at him and then moans softly when he licks into her. Slowly. Teasingly.
Her black hair is fanned out around her, her breath coming hard and fast. Her lips are parted, pink and swollen from their kisses. She looks ruined already. Harry will never get used to the sight. He never wants to.
“Fuck,” she whimpers, throwing her head down. Her eyes flutter shut as Harry leans in and takes over completely, his skilled mouth ruthless against her. His fingers dig into her hips, holding her down though she desperately raises herself to meet his mouth.
“Oh, I love you,” she whispers, threading her fingers into his hair. “So much.”
He sucks and licks and laps diligently until her back is gently arching off his mattress and she has to bite down on her knuckles to keep her noises in. Seeing her like this turns Harry on, his body on alert. He feels like every cell of his body has been electrified, but despite his arousal, all he wants is for Faye to fall apart against him.
It doesn’t take her long. Her thighs tremble. She cries out and yanks his hair. The pain is distant to him. Harry lets her use his tongue to ride out her high, and when she’s done, she’s whimpering from sensitivity. Harry only pulls away when she’s whining, “Ah, okay, okay, that’s it, please. No more.”
He grins at her, gently wiping the corners of his mouth. “Always so good for me.”
Faye covers her face. Harry helps her back into her clothes and then lays beside her until she’s ready to turn to him and kiss him. He kisses her hair. “My darling girl,” he whispers. “My baby. So perfect."
She’s straddling him before five minutes are up, her hands resting on his chest, hair falling like curtains around her flushed face. The strands hit Harry’s cheek. His hands are on her thighs again, and he’s smiling lazily at her.
“I love you too,” he murmurs, running his hand up to her waist. 
Faye swallows and grinds down on his length through his sweatpants. “My turn?”
“We can take a break if you w–”
“No,” she says immediately, fingers already pulling Harry’s shirt up. Her eyes hungrily take in every tattoo she slowly reveals. Harry lifts his head to pull the shirt off.
Faye seems to have something in mind already. So Harry just lets her undress him, enjoying the kisses she trails after her hands. She has plenty of energy, preferring to stay on top of him instead of switching back over. 
She works herself over him until she’s throwing her head back and nearly sobbing with relief. Harry watches the pleasure roll over her, her hands in tight fists against his chest. 
“I love you,” she says again, taking deep breaths when it’s over. Her face is a gentle pink, her chest flushed. “I love you so bad, Harry.”
Once he’s pulled out of her, he’s grabbing her waist and pulling her down to him, wrapping his arms around her tight. “I love you,” he says, kissing all over her face, wiping the corners of her eyes. “My pretty girl, I love you, I love you, I love you.”
Spent, Faye lets him cuddle her, her face pressed against his neck. His body is warm and as comforting as always. He mutters how much he loves her several more times.
Some time later again, Faye raises her head from his chest and says in her scratchy voice, “Should we play now?”
And Harry kisses her and says, “Yes, baby.”
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user211201 · 2 months ago
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I Was Just Being Ironic, Bro
--- Original author: realhankmccoy ---
That’s how it started, you see. With irony. With a joke. A joke Daniel made about grabbing em by the pussy. Jared said it was kinda offensive, man. Daniel doubled down, saying he was just being ironic, explaining how he’d never be that misogynist, obviously.
Jared did end up laughing, just not wanting to be rude more than anything. I mean, they were friends and obviously Daniel didn’t swing that way.
But one joke turned into another joke, days later. And another. And the ways things were spiraling, soon the two roommates – they lived in a shared house of four – were joking about it all the time. Pretending to be alt-right. Pretending because it was fun, it was funny, it was something to do, a way to make fun of guys who acted like that while simultaneously getting to feel what it was like to be that sort of guy themselves.
They were pretty regular guys. But it became funny to pretend they were jock studs, too. “I dare you to work out, bro,” Daniel goes one night. “I fucking dare you. If you can do 100 pushups consecutively, I’ll even let you grab me by the pussy,” Daniel goes, grabbing his own cock and balls through his shorts for emphasis, which wasn’t hard since he was freeballing that night.
“Oh yeah?” Jared said, “Watch this, bro.” He only made it to fifteen, laughing, but they kept up their dare. Jared was building some pipes on those arms. And months later, after a few shots of whiskey, he hit one hundred pushups for the first time in his life.
“Dude, if I’m gonna grab you by the pussy, I want to see you wearing those Old Glory shorts.” Yeah, the shorts Daniel bought to be ironic. Jared knew those.
And he did grab Daniel’s cock and balls through the shorts, holding onto them tight, laughing, squeezing. “Ouch, dude, that fuckin’ hurts,” Daniel said. It was hilarious. They were so drunk.
But then it was Jared’s turn to dare Daniel, saying he should get as pumped as he was, that is if he could ever catch up. “I’m working on 120 pushups, bro, and look at you. Fuckin’ puny. Little Daniel. I dare you, bro. You can grab me by the pussy if you ever catch up.”
Daniel wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. And soon his guns were just as big, if not bigger. Their jokes were becoming almost infamous in the house.
“Drop and give me 20, Daniel. ‘Merica!” “Come on, tiny hands, let’s see if you can beat me at arm-wrestling.” “Aww, so hot, bro. You and that MAGA cap. I bet you’ll be able to score all the pussy you want if you wear that out to the bars.” “Lock her up, lock her up!” Daniel said to Jared when he was drunk off his ass, trying to tie him to his chair with rope. The guys loved horsing around.
Jared and Daniel both had American flag shorts, now. They had flag tank tops, t-shirts, hats, even MAGA caps. They were getting to be pretty buff guys. Acting like right-wing jockbros had been ironic, but now they looked pretty convincing in the part after working out so much and buying the gear they bought. Vocal inflections, ironic at first, now sounded more and more legit as they got their impersonations down pat. Sometimes they’d go out and hit the bars, ham it up, see who they fooled, which was pretty much everybody.
They were good at this. It was fucking funny and fun as hell.
Drunk one night, Daniel found himself confessing to Jared that he thinks it’s really hot when Jared acts like a MAGA guy. “Yeah bro?” Jared said, “I think it’s hot too. Makes me feel hot. It’s like everything I secretly want to be when I’m like this.”
“Yeah bro?” Daniel said, “I think that’s so fucking hot, man. You look great as one of those guys. I almost feel like I could grab you by the pussy for real, bro.”
“Why don’t you do it then, bro,” Jared said, “When we’re home. I fucking dare you, bro. Get those tiny hands on this big cock of mine. Bet you don’t have the balls.”
But turned out Daniel did have the balls, and when he took Jared’s cock in his mouth behind that locked bedroom door, all Jared could say was, “Fuck, bro. MAGA, bro. That’s so fuckin’ hot, bro,” before he came, five minutes later, flooding Daniel’s mouth with white hot cum.
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mushroominawaterbottle · 3 months ago
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Five should not work for the CIA. He should not fucking work at all he should retire and do old man stuff. Five would not in any way dress like a 20 year old he would be out there wearing suspenders and a hat. He should be knitting and drinking coffee out of a brown glass mug. He should be birdwatching. He and Klaus should have gone to see that gigantic wool ball thing. He should be doing crosswords and sudoku and playing chess. If they wanted him to have a job so bad he should be selling embroidered pillows or something. They fucking forgot he is old. Thats a 70 year old man. He would not do any of that, in season 3 all he wanted was to retire and he should have got it. He should be watching the news. Going to sleep at 21h. Complaining about the young people. He should have bought a good coffee machine. That man should be acting his age it doesnt fucking matter how old his body is, he is OLD. His core characther traits are being an old guy trapped in a childs body and caring deeply about his family and season 4 managed to fuck it all up. If i wrote it he would live with Klaus and do old man stuff. Klaus would write poems. Five and Lila would bicker because theyre friends. Fives entire life is confusing because he just finished puberty but is old, and Lila would laugh about it. He would never betray Diego like this. They are brothers. Season 4 forgot that it doesnt matter how disfunctional their family is, they love each other. Also, Five would be a good uncle to Claire, and Diego and Lilas children. He would be snarky and annoying but he would try. He spent his entire life doing everything he could to protect his family, he loves them and it doesnt matter in which dimension, he would never give up on them.
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