#fuck I might edit or delete this I keep wanting to change shit

[smoreal]

This is SUPER rushed and semi-edited, but I wrote it in a frenzy bc I just couldn’t stop thinking about sonic movie 3 lmao… so beware?? It’s pretty lengthy lol

(Also sorry in advance bc I might get into a horrible habit of writing a bunch of these)

What the rating for sonic movie 3 could mean for the narrative and which direction the movie could go depending on the rating…

The rating changed from shth05 from the usual ‘E’ (Everyone) to ‘E 10+’ (Everyone 10 and Older), meaning that they were a little more liberated to go into detail about his past and his memories with Maria before she was killed on the Ark. The game further expanded on the darker and more ‘gritty’ perspective of Shadow the Hedgehog. Before it’s release though, shth was meant to be rated T (13 and older) with the initial version containing ‘red blood, violent scenes, and more instances of cursing.’ [(X) and (X)]

Sonic Movie 3 is currently slated for release in December of 2024 (x), but word from the directors and screenwriters have many concerned over how faithful to the games this movie will be because of Maria’s death scene. As well as wanting an accurate portrayal of Shadow the hedgehog for the first time since, debatably his portrayal in Sonic 06, fans look forward to seeing his backstory on the big screen.

Media ratings from the early 2000s were vastly different from the ratings of today. A subtle joke about sex would surely fly over children’s heads and could be aired on a Saturday morning cartoon, but no such thing could happen under today’s scrutinized media.

All of this to say… will Maria Robotnik be shot and killed on screen by an organization mirroring the government? There could be many different routes this option could take, and I list them now:

1.) PG/Heavily Implied Route

2.) PG-13/Realistically pull some punches

3.) Change the narrative completely

I start with what I believe to be the most probable option, based on the creators and writers desire to “incorporate elements from Sonic Adventure 2 and Shadow the Hedgehog.” (X)

Option 1: PG Route. As previously stated within its title, I’m certain of this route because of the options ability to stay within the PG rating and keep the narrative faithful to the games by letting the audience imply, as SA2 and Sonic X has done in the past. Disappointing as this option may be, it manages to stay within the established rating of the movie franchise and continue to stick with the games’ plot. However, a massive problem arises; how to imply such a disturbing and gruesome, but vital event whilst staying within these (frankly restrictive) ratings. I emphasize on the previously used ‘disappointment,’ as the implication may be lost on the general audience and with this loss, comes the loss of the overall theme of organizational workings and the very blunt reality of corrupt military organizations within our society.

And to stay true to both games, I introduce the second (subjectively best) option.

Option 2: Raising the rating from PG to PG-13. With this option, I believe the writers and directors can expand on the potential of both games and re-establish Shadow to his former glory, a character who once had concrete values and beliefs. Knuckles was able to regain his initially established honor and dignity within the latest installment of the movie franchise, as his character (like everyone else’s) had been the victim of flanderization and had been molded to fit more of a Comedic Relief character instead of a nuanced, three dimensional character.

With this new rating, creators have the space to expand on Shadow’s character, more specifically his morals and dilemma therein. In being able to see Maria’s death, and see Shadow at his most violent, the audience gets to understand or even empathize further with his character. An additional benefit to this rating change could be the general audience’s view on Sonic the Hedgehog as an overall franchise. It could inspire the Sonic gaming franchise to potentially follow up on lost possibilities of older games (wishful thinking) or create more nuanced and complex storylines such as what came of SA2.

Option 3: Changing the narrative completely. Objectively the worst option for both the audience and the writers/creators, this option has the writers/creators completely erasing Maria’s death and the corruption of (military) organizations to stay safely within the PG rating. In erasing Maria’s death, Shadow and, his creator, Gerald Robotnik would be stripped of their motivations for vengeance. However with this option, there are also two possible sub-options.

3A.) Maria still dies, not by anyone’s hand, but by her own illness, perhaps during the Raid on the Ark, causing a miscommunication to occur.

3B.) Maria does not exist.

As infuriating as both of these options are, they are very well options that could become Sonic Movie 3’s reality.

For option 3A, Maria dying by her illness would still create motivations for Shadow and Gerald, as the Raid would have ruined all of their work and the blame of GUN would be significantly less than in the original games. Perhaps this option could be better constructed, using the miscommunication to create even more conflict with both Shadow and Gerald Robotnik’s motivations, and Shadow’s final motivations in the game.

However, the worst option of the worst option is 3B. In erasing Maria’s character, Shadow’s very soul and Gerald’s strongest motivator goes with her. Shadow’s character, motivations, and actions all lack a significant reason and he becomes more of an Android than a tragic, empathetic, 3-dimensional character. Gerald Robotnik would become a descendant of Eggman who is just as selfish and egotistical (further taking Eggman’s potential to be seen as someone who strived to do Good as the original Gerald Robotnik did before Maria’s death, but let me get back on track)

With Maria’s erasure, Shadow’s character and Gerald’s reasons become corrupt. Both characters become forgettable and, worst of all, stray the farthest away from the source material, ultimately dooming the movie and possibly the franchise.

Both Sonic movies have done a lot for Sonic as a gaming franchise, and seeing the success of both franchises within the same year is very promising for the Blue Blur. As happy as I’d be to see a rating change, I must stress that I’d be content with whatever they decide to do. They’ve already expressed the want to stay faithful to the source material and we’ve managed to get two successful movies so far, so I’d say we’re in semi?? safe hands from a general audience standpoint.

[starlightbright]

RIP Ricky September they had to kill you because it would have been unrealistic to not keep you on as a companion 😔

EDIT: I've noticed some people taking this post really seriously, so to clarify: no, I don't think Ricky was literally a perfect uwu anti-racist angel. This post was mostly a joke about how he was running around doing companion shit and, most of all, how the Doctor and Ruby both thought he was a hottie. My actual feelings about Ricky are that he's a complacent white liberal. Character reading under the cut if you want an explanation.

I do think the implications of making him unplugged from the racism bubble, paralleling him with the Doctor (man who shows up with knowledge about history and technology and guides the other character through dangerous situations), and directly contrasting to Lindy (including being open to trust the Doctor without second guessing him the same way Lindy and all her friends did) are supposed to be that he wasn't like the other people there and is thus LESS racist since racism comes to be what defines their society. I've seen some people basically ask "then why'd he move to White People City?" but within the text it's actually Rich People City; the reason everyone there is white is because systemic racism financially benefits white people. Making him LESS racist is NECESSARY to giving his death any meaning - because if he definitively would have called the Doctor a slur and walked away, then the Dot killing him quickly was a mercy kill because we KNOW all the other residents are going to die in the wilderness.

THAT SAID, I also don't think he was a progressive anti-racist. Do you know what Ricky actually is? A white liberal. He might disengage from the White People Bubble, he might not be outwardly cruel to black people, but he's still surrounded by people who are and benefits from a system where ONLY WHITE PEOPLE ARE RICH. The culture might be fucked, but he still benefits from it without doing anything to actually fight it. It's like how many a white liberal will read about the history of slavery, feel sad about it, and then be uncritical of prison labor. If Ricky was meant to be progressive, there'd be something, ANYTHING in the text about how he's tried to educate his followers on their society's problems, but it got deleted. He is COMPLACENT.

That's sort of the point, I'd say, since the theme is about how priviledged white people put themselves in a bubble of people like them and choose to look away from what's wrong in society. Those people become complacent at best with no effort to actually speak out or change things. Hell, even within the text, Ricky SEES a problem others are looking away from (the slugs eating people), but only tries to fight it by making a TikTok about it and becomes complacent again, accepting that people are just going to be eaten.

So tl;dr: no, I don't think the white liberal kid literally would have been a companion. I think if you stuck him in the Ood episode, for example, he'd have shaken his head when he found out about their plight, maybe made a TikTok with sad music playing over footage of them, and then said "welp, nothing else can be done." I think it's FUNNY to imagine another companion that the Doctor and Ruby both are giggling like schoolgirls over.

Also I kind of thought he was ugly - no offense to the actor but the makeup they had him in combined with the lighting and closeups made him look way older than 27 so he gave off this uncanny "how do you do fellow kids?" look.

[selfportrait27]

Ween fans of Tumblr. Come over to ween.wiki and help us build a new knowledge base for future fans.

I didn't start the wiki, I just got pissed off a couple of months ago and posted this on r/ween. To my surprise, people actually listened. We now have a few regular contributors, but it's time to start reaching out to the rest of the Ween web, and I'm starting here on Tumblr for a reason.

The fuck-you spirit of Ween and punk rock seems to have actually survived on this platform. Despite Tumblr's best efforts, this has mercifully not become a Nice Normal Place for Nice Normal People. There's a beautifully unhinged quality to all Ween fans that still circulates in the air supply here, that when you see it on reddit for example, you know that it's being allowed to happen.

Anyway, check out my original post on Reddit, or you can read the text below. Then saunter back to the Ween Wiki house and take a look around. If you see anything you think you can help with, go for it. You can find my user page here.

Full text of my post from r/ween:

If you didn't know, there is a Ween wiki just sitting there waiting for us to fill it in.

I know it isn’t very well maintained or reliable. That’s because we’re not using it. It’s a community database, not someone’s personal website. It’s supposed to be maintained by the fan base, that’s the point of a knowledge commons.

Let’s say, for example, if 50 of us make one quick, low-effort change to the wiki in the next month or so. That would already be a big improvement. If it’s the first and last time for you, you will have made a contribution.

Here are some little things you can do anonymously, without an account or a username: 

~Add lyrics to a song.~ 

Change lyrics that someone else added. (It updates instantly, this isn’t genius.com.)

Add a page that you think should be there - you can leave it blank for others to fill in if you don’t want to do it.

Delete something if you think it’s wrong -  you don’t need to have something to replace it with in order to do this. Removing something counts as a contribution. If it turns out to be right after all, it can be put back.

Ditto if you see a citation that you don’t trust - you can just remove the source. Now it’s a ‘citation needed’ situation, which gives others an opportunity to do something.

Correct a minor spelling error, it can literally be that small.

Don’t share private material without permission, but other than that, it can be just about anything at this point, as long as it keeps the ~recent changes page~ ~active.~ Even if you’re new and you don’t know much about Ween, you almost certainly know something that isn’t there yet. Remember you can edit anonymously, so nobody can give you shit if you get it wrong. What they can do is change it.

A few notes:

Why do we need this, when we can just ask someone more reliable? Because it’s too much pressure to expect any person to be reliable all of the time*.* It might sound counter-intuitive, but having a community database that “just anyone” can edit actually creates more accountability, because we’re all responsible for its content, rather than expecting a few people to do all the work and get everything right. This is an opportunity to make a contribution to the legacy of Ween and their fan base, one that’s at least a little better than the stew of info and misinfo that’s out there now. It’s also a chance to help ensure that the good work people are doing on projects like Ween Archived doesn’t just end up getting mixed in with all the bullshit~.~

You don’t need to know what you’re doing. I’m a tech-moron - seriously, my 80-year-old father probably knows how to use Media Wiki better than I do. Even I figured out how to make a few basic edits. We’re going for minimal effort here, so even if you think it won’t make a difference, it will only have cost you a minute of your life.  Do a sloppy, half-assed job. Make a tiny improvement to someone else’s sloppy, half-assed job. Do it now or later - a community database is a long term, ongoing project and there’s no deadline for anything.

But people will just use it to troll? Yeah, they might. They can already do that now. If that’s what you want to use it for, you’re going to anyway. Here’s a couple of things worth remembering:

Nobody needs to put in a ton of work only to risk having it spoiled. There’s enough of us that your individual contribution can be as tiny as you want, and it still counts.

Again, anybody can delete information, so dealing with troll entries doesn’t just fall to one person or a few people. It’s unlikely that we’re gonna have a troll problem that’s too big for the rest of us to handle.

Sorry to be cheesy, but if we’re too scared to do anything, then my friends, the trolls have already won.

One last thing. You can do this and still hate everybody and complain as much as you want, nobody can take that away from you. You can even feel better about complaining, knowing that at least you did something. And if you want to tell me to shut up, who the fuck do I think I am etc, then you’ll still have plenty of time to do that too.

Come on, people. Two children who couldn’t play their guitars yet started a band without a drummer, and we can’t build a better community wiki than this, with all the tools in front of us? Of course we fucking can.

[morningstargirl666]

When is The Big Bad Wolf Act 2 coming out?? Are you going to release monthly or all at once?? (I just finished the series and I’m in love 🩷🩷 no rush to write, just wondering if you have an idea because you have loyal readers waiting to love it!!! Have a great day <3)

Hello! Lovely to meet you and thank you so much for reading, that fic is a BEAST. So glad you enjoyed it!

So. When is the next update coming out? [nervous laughter]

Thing is, I told myself now I'm halfway i'll go back and edit, smooth things out before this fic literally becomes too long to tackle and that kinda...turned into a full rewrite?

I'm not changing the plot. That's exactly the same. But my ideas for the lore have changed since I first started writing and I wanted to add in a whole lot more of characterisation and set up for the chapters to come. I rewrote The Little Wolf back in December and recently did some tweaking to chapter 5 of it just this last week (I couldn't work out how to fix it when I first did the rewrite but I had an EPHIPHANY okay). So The Little Wolf is around 35k now, which is a huge difference to the 11k it was in November when I posted chapter 35 of tbbw. It's got tons of new scenes, a sharper forcus on the Mikaelson siblings not just Klaus and two whole new chapters. Of course, you've probably already read that as it is posted and you're a new reader, but that's what I was doing before Christmas, essentially.

As for The Big Bad Wolf itself...boy, where do I start. I'm approaching 85k on the rewrite...only on chapter 7. Which technically used to be chapter 6, because I got 5 chapters in before I added a new chapter. I guess that's a record for my restraint, at least.

So, in terms of what's happening: I'm re-writing tbbw. The plot isn't changing, but new scenes are being added, conversations are being tweaked, the lore is being more consistently fleshed out. Grammar for dialogue is being given a complete overhaul because that was a mess. But. Listen. It's so much better. It's so fucking better. I re-read the chapters I've done and in some places, the drafts aren't quite finished yet, like my writer brain is like fix this later BUT omg it's like, THE shit. It's so good. I've very excited.

I'm not sure how long it will take to finish. I might be able to stop halfway and post the rewritten/edited chapters I've got so far but I make no promises because I feel more inclined to keep going and get it all done in one. Some chapters won't need much work at all as they've been more heavily edited in the past (chapter 8 and 9 should be done pretty quickly, just giving them a facelift), while others I'm really ripping into. There's one chapter I know I'll either delete or delete scenes from to be replaced with something else (don't worry, the scenes will go into my deleted scenes fic on ao3, it's not gone forever).

So yeah. At the rate I'm going, I'm not gonna lie, it may take till the summer before I get all this editing done AND finish the new chapter 36 update - and you may get two new chapters at once, because it might be a long one and I might split it. But by the end of it, tbbw won't be 378k anymore. It'll probably be closer 450k. So you'll get a 50k+ update (along with some bonus stuff) to the whole fic and then a week later I'll post the new chapters (I used to post fornightly, a chapter every two weeks, and I'll go back to that when I'm done).

But yeah. I've written like, 110k since December, which for context is is closing in on the equivalent of the second book of TLOTR trilogy: The Return of the King was 137,115 words. That's an epic novel's worth. In three months.

An arguement could be made that I'm making this fic way too long but I don't really care? I love writing this. It makes my head spin and makes me tear my hair out but...it's so much fun too. And I get to rewrite canon, the way it should have been (we were so ROBBED 😭😭😭), so hey! It's free therapy too! I'm not going to stop as long as I'm loving every second.

Thanks for reading, and thank for listening to my insane plans! Hopefully, I'll see you there on ao3 when this fic is back for business!!

-And it WILL be back.

[thatiranianphantom]

Hi there.

Your ship is dead. Bullying a grown man and hiding behind ‘bUT IM A TEENAGER” is bullshit. If you have ANY ounce of dignity, just stop fucking watching the show. You are going to drain yourself and drive yourself crazy over a fictional tv ship which you don’t DESERVE. Maybe I might have had sympathy for you in season 4. Before you bullied half of the cast and lili to tears (do you remember when she had to come out and say ‘it’s a fucking tv show’ only for you to STILL whine and cry and throw your bottles? Ted is right. You are the most disrespectful, selfish freaks of fandom I’ve ever come across and I hope to god you grow the fuck up and get TV comprehension skills. Because you have ZERO. Crying about the ratings which have been falling since season 3 is not going to bring back your CORPSE of a ship. Betty and Jughead don’t even like each other and you expect them to fuck? You will cry when the writers are “sexualising teenagers!!!” But when Betty and Jughead were having roleplay sex as 16 year olds it was fine?

You cried and begged and demanded bughead sex scenes and bABY JULIET when these kids were 15/16 years old and you call out the writers for being creepy now? NOW???? You call Archie disgusting and using Betty as a “baby maker” doll, housewife, but you have wanted that woman (or CHILD) fucking rat boy and having his kids since they were literally kids themselves? Do you see the hypocrisy or should I continue?

“How DARE the writers have Betty change everything about herself for Archie that is so GROSS AND MISOGYNISTIC.”

Yep. And Betty didn’t do a serpent dance at 15 to fit into Jughead’s world?? Now that is changing herself for a boy.

You’re hypocrites and are salty because your ship is dead, the actors despise each other, and you can’t make Sprousehart edits without the feeling that it may be wrong, because rat boy is an abuser. Barchie have never tried to erase bughead. Because it happened. It was cute, and it was a thing that happened. Betty loved him.

But the fact that you constantly delude yourselves with insane theories which are wrong every single time to erase barchie is hilarious. Seriously. “It’s an au!! “Archie’s light gives Betty headaches!” “We are going back to 5x17!” “Jughead shielded Betty” “the season 6 universe was erased!” That makes it clear you see barchie as developed, and real. And a THREAT which you can’t shop unless you erase it. You can’t hide behind “it’s forced! “It came out of nowhere!” Barchie was building from the first episode. If you cannot understand the point of two mains Archie and Betty, slowly getting feelings while being with other people; you are either stupid, or a child. This show was RULED by bughead and lili and Cole can service. The teen choice award you keep talking about? WAS VERY CLEARLY THERE TO HYPE UP THE ACTORS DATING. If you can’t get??? You’re an idiot or a child. If you can’t understand the point of a slow burn which was Betty and Archie being sidelined by a psychotic fandom who bullied the writers into four season of bughead fucking in a bunker and varchie arguing with hiram, you are an idiot. Sweetie. BABES. When the fifties are over and Archie and Betty have fallen in love AGAIN, and they return to a riverdale free of darkness, Toni and Cheryl are together, Veronica and Reggie— and Jughead and Tabitha, what are you going to do? Implode? Delete? Murder a crew member? I don’t know what you will do but holy shit it will be entertaining to see you fall. A fandom who spent 7 years terrorising barchies, cast members and writers, making fake sexual assault allegations for each cast member, being disgustingly racist to Vanessa and ash, and body shaming Lili. Bullying KJ until he very clearly went off of the edge in the pandemic, and for some reason also going after your GOD rat boy. I’m saying this to you and all of you. Yes, barchies and Choni’s have said some awful things, as well as varchies. But nothing can top the entitled brats you are. And I hope when Lilis contract os over, and she reveals Cole was an abuser, she tells you all to go and fuck yourselves.

.........

..........

........

wut????

This manifesto is so very confusing to me. Somehow, you've both been stalking my blog and been paying no attention at the same time.

I'll admit, I didn't read much of this, but a few things

This is now the second time today that someone on the internet accused me of being a teen. I'm flattered, don't get me wrong, but what is it about this? I am a grown ass adult. Is it something I am putting out there?

Oh please, please desperate BA anon, may I have your sympathy back??????

"Ted is right." Oof, anon. Very oof.

I would like you to go on, anon, please point out to me where anyone thought the Serpent Dance was a good decision? And where the seasons 1-4 sex parties and girls with one character trait were?

The BA stuff, I can't....I can't even....what?

What teen choice award do I keep talking about???? I am so confused????

The only thing in this.....jumble of words that offended me was you calling Cole "rat boy" (also did you imply that I love Cole? Have you....read my blog?) because I have rats and excuse you, they're amazing. Look at this leetle boy

Apologize to him this instant!

Look how upset you've made him!

[bitchkay]

Ok. Hear me out: A threesome with Guy and Toa to see who can pleasure you the best. And it ends with the two of them kissing. This would be a wholesome moment to you (it is), but your head is spinning (prolly from all the orgasms they gave you)

Hello?????????????

I say once more, same anon or we're all just horny😳

No but literally I have so many drafts its getting ridiculous😭😭 but I also love receiving asks and writing 18 different things at the same time

Keeps my brain sharp😼😼

Also, tea, like half of my drafts on here won't let me edit them??????????????????

Like the majority of my drafts are admittedly blank reblogs of writing prompts, horny posting, and fanfics I just like to read over an over again so they dont get lost in my feed when I want to reread it for the 100th time and most of not all of them would let me edit them but like asks and stand alone posts don't?????????? have??????????? the??????????????? edit????????????? button????????????????

It's so weird like today I wasnt doing anything so I was like damn might aswell tackle these drafts and like more than half of them just didn't?????????? have??????????? the??????????????? edit????????????? button????????????????

Like theres the delete button, the schedule button and the post button

The edit button is supposed to be between the delete button and the schedule button

That little pencil icon simply wasn't there

So me still wanting to like work on my shit ends up scrolling and looking for the one draft that does have the edit button so I can y'know work on it

Which btw was actually productive, it was a headcanons post and each character had 8ts own baby scenario that I was writing which is super fun and fresh and it's a part 1 to an eventual part 2

But yea like that's kinda fucked up like I decide to work on something and it doesn't even give me the option to do that

Also side note I wish we could like organize our drafts into like folders cus like most of my drafts are blank reblogs so I have to like file through those to get to what I want to get to

Like it would be nice to separate my drafts like ok this is all the horny postings, these are writing prompts, these are fanfics, this are asks I need to finish, these are headcanon posts I need to finish, these are scenarios I need to finish, ect. I even have like fanfic templates in my drafts like if I finish a fanfic I just plug in the information (title, content warnings, change the character banner ect.) add the tags and put it out, have those in a folder of some sort

And this would probably serve more than just me like I feel like other people would also benefit from having the option to put your shit in like folders and shit and if you don't then you just don't have to use them

Also (not me rambling)

The draft I screenshoted btw (also not editable atm) Guy and Toa do in fact kiss.

Just wanted to mention that :)

[living-d3ad-gh0ul]

Tuesday 29th August 2023, 05:48am

I've been trying to figure out a way to start writing my next post to you for a couple days now. I keep coming back and writing and then deleting everything. Right now, I just want to sigh very deeply. Things are just.. I don't even have a word to describe them, I just want to do a big sigh.

I'll start off with some nice stuff. London was lots of fun, Joji was amazing. I'm gonna attach some pictures of the concert and places I went and just some other random pictures of my trip. My little mini holiday started with something really cool actually, I laughed when it happened. I went to check in at the airport (cause I had a checked bag and I hate doing it online when I have one of those) and I give the guy my passport and stuff, tell him my name, where I'm going etc. And he just goes "Oh.. how about that" and immediately I'm looking at him like 👀 how about what? What does that mean? And I start panicking thinking my flights delayed or cancelled or I booked the wrong fucking date or something. And he just says "Well it says here 'Thank you for flying with BA, enjoy your upgrade' so it looks like you've been upgraded". I swear to you E, I looked at the man like he'd grown an extra head LOL. I was all like "is this some like.. ploy to get me to pay for an upgrade? Cause it's not happening lol" and he's like "nope, you've already been upgraded, you're in business class now, you get extra luggage allowance, here's your boarding pass, go to priority security and head on up to the lounge for free drinks and food". So I just stood there and laughed and shook my head and asked him if he was serious, and he absolutely was. Thank god for the extra luggage allowance btw, because I had absolutely overpacked. I think I always worry I won't have enough or that the weather will suddenly change or something and I won't be prepared. Which, is actually a very valid fear when you live in the UK lol.

So.. I went on up, went through priority security.. and I got fucking stopped didn't I? I sat there like "shit what did I leave in my bag? Did I not do my liquids right?". The guy pulled me over.. and it turned out it was my dad's jacket that they had flagged. He passed his leather jacket down to me, his proper real leather biker jacket. It's too big on me, but I love it and I really wanted to take it with me. Now.. I'm not sure if I said before or not.. but my dad was a fond man of the devils cabbage. So I *immediately* started panicking, thinking there was some hidden pocket I hadn't found that had some in it.. or that he'd just stuffed some in the lining or something, because that was a very my dad thing to do, I honestly wouldn't have put it past him. So I'm standing there, watching this guy look through all the pockets and almost fucking sweating at airport security lmfao. Then he just goes "ah okay, our scanner just didn't like the zips for some reason" then he SWABS it and my backpack and I was like OKAY YEAH I'M ABOUT TO BE DETAINED LOL. But it came back fine, he handed me my stuff and off I went to find the fancy lounge. I literally looked up at the sky as I walked away and I laughed and was like "fuck you". I'm honestly convinced that was my dad totally fucking with me, just playing a prank on me and winding me up like he always loved doing. He'd have been pissed himself laughing at me.

God, I just realised how much I typed already, jesus. This might be long, because I'm sure you're aware of this by now, but I tend to ramble and drabble on about stuff. I'm sorry I just.. idk, I like giving you as much detail as possible, I like fully explaining things to you like we're actually having a conversation and not just writing letters to one another, it's just.. nice and I just want these to be like.. totally organic and not heavily edited or anything. I just wanna talk to you like I normally would.. if that makes sense. I hope it does.

So I managed to find the lounge, went and sat myself down, I had like.. an hour and a half before my flight so I grabbed this wrap thing and there was free drinks including alcohol so of course I poured myself one lol. I sat there in a nice comfy booth by myself, charging my phone, eating this tasty random wrap I picked up and drinking expensive whiskey, all because I could thanks to the random free upgrade I got. I then went and got on the plane (I was one of the first to get on too) and oh my god I had so much room. I was sat on the aisle and there was a table between me and the person in the window seat, I could properly stretch my legs out and everything. It was.. amazing. And then we took off and we got drinks and stuff brought to us. And ACTUAL food on ACTUAL plates with ACTUAL cutlery. Let me tell you, I was absolutely fucking AMAZED hahaha. I think the flight attendants could definitely tell that I had never experienced that before. I was like a kid in a candy shop haha. They gave me a gin and tonic with my little plate of food, which was SO fucking good too. And then came back and asked me if I wanted some CHAMPAGNE. So I was like UH FUCK YEAH OF COURSE I WANT CHAMPAGNE hahahaha. And it came in a REAL glass. Honestly, I've never experienced anything like that before on a plane and honestly, coming back home in economy sucked after having that lol.

I got there all good and my bag came through almost right away so I wasn't fucking about at the airport for ages, I hopped in an Uber and went to my uncles. It was really warm and the drive took a while because of traffic (I also was going from one end of London to the other tbf, but I was far too tired and warm to be dealing with the London underground, I also hate getting the tube when I have a case with me, people just look at you and give you the dirtiest looks). The first evening I was there was super chill and low-key. Me and my uncle nipped around to his local pub which was only 2 minutes around the corner from his place, we had a couple drinks together and actually bumped into a Scottish guy who was there on his own, we got chatting to him and he was quite cool. Him and my uncle were talking about being teachers and me and him had a chat about music and stuff. He didn't stay long though, but it was nice to talk to someone from the same country I am when I was away from home haha.

The next day was the Thursday which was the day of the concert and I basically had the flat to myself all day. My uncles flatmate (who is also his ex partner who I've known since I was a kid, they're still really good friends though and still live together) was gone to see family and my uncle was going to see friends on the coast that day, so we had breakfast and coffee together before he left. I chilled in the morning, put some music on and just.. enjoyed the sun. I had the balcony door wide open and just sat there playing music and relaxing. It was the most chilled out I'd felt in months. I ended up picking up my uncles guitar and playing that for a little bit too. I'm so fucking rusty haha. I hadn't played for quite a long time, so I was trying to remember stuff but some things just came back to me, like total muscle memory almost. It was so badly out of tune too but I just tuned it up by ear, I'm still really glad I can do that. It was just really nice to have that little bit of time before I had to get ready for the concert and make my way across London again. But I did and I actually met up with someone from the discord server we first met on! A guy called Zach from London and his girlfriend. Me and him are still friends and have been for years, but I'd never met his girlfriend before. She was so nice, she even got me water when I thought I was dying of heat stroke at the concert lol and I had a really cool day with both of them. It was just soooo busy and sooooo fucking warm at the concert. So much so I ended up buying a fucking hat lol. I don't ever wear hats, but I really needed one. Even when I had sunnies on. I ended up buying a t-shirt too, which I'm actually wearing right now. I ended up I was so warm and drank soooo much water, genuinely thought I was gonna keel over at one point, but I was okay and I had fun.

The support acts I didn't really know, but they were quite good. I really enjoyed the first support, he was really funny and really got the crowd involved. Omg and he sang Gary Come Home from SpongeBob hahahahaha. I was absolutely pissing myself laughing when he did that, but it was a good rendition hahaha. Then obviously Joji came on and I was absolutely in my element. He was amazing. He sang one of my favourite songs first too. He actually sang quite a lot of my favourites of his, and even some old ones too, and I mean like.. songs from his SoundCloud days. It was really great. And there was two fucking mosh pits haha! He basically paused the concert halfway through and went off stage, then came back on and him and his hypeman or whoever started doing a fucking DJ set in the middle of the concert hahaha. They also had a Jack Sparrow lookalike competition on stage and called it a Jack Off lmfao. Oh and they literally brought out a blackjack table too and started playing that hahaha. You could tell he really wanted to appeal to all of his fans and wanted to make people laugh, FilthyFrank and Pink Guy are absolutely still in there haha. I honestly had such an amazing time at the concert. Getting out was an absolute pain though, they stopped and started us all leaving so many times and had like.. police blocking off entrances and stuff for no reason other than it was busy. I remember getting asked where I was going about four times and I was just like "um.. to get the tube home? Same as everyone else?" Lol.

The Friday I was there was more low-key. I stayed at the flat and chilled with my uncle for a few hours before I got ready and headed into Soho. I ended up going to a pub my uncle recommended me and had a few drinks. I got talking to two older ladies who were really nice and let me sit with them and chatted away to me. I also met up with a friend who had moved down to London once they finished work and we had a couple drinks there too, before we moved on to a different pub that I'd been told about. I really liked that second pub, it's actually apparently really well known and a lot of famous people go there. But I didn't see any famous people haha, or not ones that I knew anyway. My friend recognised a relatively famous ex-manager of one of the biggest Scottish football teams though in the first pub we went to and I made them take their picture with him lol. Well, I say I made them, they were like "should I ask for a picture?" And I just whipped my phone out and was like "excuse me, hi, you were just talking to my friend, do you mind if they have a picture with you?" And the guy was happy enough to do it. We then ended up having a walk around and going to another couple of bars. So many people instantly gravitated towards me because of my accent and kept telling me how amazing it was and I was just like "it is?" Hahahaha. I didn't stay out too late though, I was still tired from the concert the day before and I think I was home and in bed by like.. 1am haha.

The Saturday I just went around some places locally to my uncle. There's a cool little old cemetary nearby him that they're doing a lot of restoration works on, but you can still walk through it. So I had a wander through there, it was really nice. I then found this nice little cafe and had some lunch there before I went back to my uncles place. He'd gone out and his flatmate was still away, so I just chilled and listened to some music again, before I had some dinner and then I got ready and went to a goth club that night haha. My uncle had got back before I went out and he was telling me how he'd been to the same club I was going to before, but it was back in the 80's and was telling me stories and stuff while I did my makeup. We also had a little drink together before I headed out and it was nice. We're really similar personality wise and he's honestly really cool. We sat and listened to The Cure and Cocteau Twins and Lebanon Hanover and Siouxsie and stuff like that while I got ready and we drank together. Then I went off to the club MYSELF might I add. That was a really big thing for me, going to a place like that alone. But I ended up I just got a drink, found myself a seat near the dancefloor and just chilled for a bit. Again, I ended up opening my mouth at some point, I think I was ordering myself a drink, and some girl asked me where I was from and said she liked my accent. I told her and we ended up chatting for a while. She introduced me to her friends and I ended up tagging along with them for the rest of the night. They were all really nice and took me under their wing and we even took pictures together haha. I got drunk with them and danced with them to music similar to what me and my uncle listened to before I went out haha. I got really excited when Depeche Mode came on and basically just put myself right in the middle of the dancefloor haha. I have a tendency to do that when I'm drunk lol. I didn't get home til 5am, I had been having that much fun haha. The club didn't close til 6am too, so I really could have stayed until then if I wanted to haha.

The Sunday was just really chill, we went for some lunch and we chilled in the flat, I was a little hungover so my uncle just told me to relax and take it easy. I had been really busy tbh, so it was only natural I started feeling it a bit by the Sunday. I also ended up getting bitten on my arm and shoulder by mosquitoes or something on my first day there and by this point the bites were really itchy and irritating, so I kept having to put stuff on them to soothe it. I ended up I sat and talked to my uncle til about 9 o'clock before I got really tired and went to go crash out early. I woke up really early the next day and had to pack everything away for leaving that afternoon lol. It was sad saying goodbye to my uncle, cause he's one of my favourite family members and he really sympathises with me on the bullshit with my mother. He was really shocked when I was telling him all about how she'd been acting when my dad was sick and when he passed. She actually hadn't spoke to me for like.. 3 weeks after her birthday at the start of July. She didn't even send me a text on the day of my dad's funeral. Not a word. Didn't hear from her for like another 2 weeks after that. It's actually been like a month since she's even made any kind of attempt at contacting me. She's just.. she's really shown her true colours with all this and it's sad, because I feel like I've lost and I'm grieving for both parents almost. Just in different senses of the word, I guess. It's a whole thing spanning years, I won't get into it cause this post is long enough. She's just not a very nice person and I'm slowly starting to realise that, when I used to idolise her. It just hurts.

I was supposed to get home at like.. 6pm on the Monday evening, but our plane ended up delayed by 2 hours so I didn't get picked up by my sister at the airport until like 8pm. There was some issue with the planes navigation system that didnt happen until we got to the runway and were just about to take off. So we sat there for like.. an hour, while they tried to fix it. They managed to sort it out.. but then we had to return to the stand because they had wasted all the fuel just sitting there lmfao. So I was just like ok lol we're not going anywhere anytime soon, put my headphones in and just chilled. They refueled the plane and eventually we were on our way. I didn't get any fancy drinks or food this time, just a bottle of water and a bag of pretzels that tasted really bad hahaha. I got off the plane and, as usual for me because I always seem to have shit luck when I land at Glasgow airport, we'd landed at the furthest possible gate and had to walk aaaaaaaaall the way through the airport to the baggage carousels and so I could leave. Then there was an issue with them too. No one knew where our bags were lol. And then suddenly we were being called through to the other room which had one carousel thing. Another 2/3 flights landed at the same time as us and the baggage people put ALL of the bags from ALL of the flights on one belt. It was fucking chaos. And there ended up being a massive pile up of bags and the airport people had to press the emergency stop button. It was just a total fucking clusterfuck lol. They said that one was only supposed to be for the Dublin flight, but apparently the baggage people just went "lol no" and put all the bags on the one. Luckily, I could literally see my bag just before the pile up, so I managed to grab it (after I made sure I wasn't gonna make anything worse) and quickly make my way outside where my sister was there ready to pick me up.

I got home and had a long ass shower and just relaxed for the rest of the night. I was off work the rest of the week, so I didn't have to do anything and took my time doing laundry and unpacking and getting back into a routine a bit. I'm actually still off work right now, before I went away, me and my manager had like.. a little meeting thing. She was concerned that I hadnt had enough support at work because I'd had loads of time off dealing with stuff with my dad etc. So she wanted to like.. restart me? If that makes sense? So I took some holidays and some unpaid leave (begrudgingly, but she said it would do me best) and I'll start back from my training weeks on Monday 4th September. She thinks if I have all my training again and have a proper chance and a proper start at things without the stresses of having to look after dad or any of the other stuff I'd had to deal with, that it'll make me feel more supported and I'll do better this time around. I'm not really sure how I feel about it, cause I kinda feel like it's being forced upon me against my will? But I kinda need the job and they do keep saying it's for the best so.. I'm not gonna argue with them too much about it. Especially if they really are just trying to support me. It just means I'll be able to fly through all my training and stuff and hopefully get really good marks on all my assessments if I remember everything haha.

So um.. now comes the kinda bad part. The bit that's been making me want to just.. *big sigh*. The weekend after my dad's funeral, my aunt was pretty insistent on coming to see me. I was kinda like wtf why? This is my aunt on my mum's side btw, the one who I'm close with and who really understands my situation with my mum and stuff (and really does not agree with how she's treated me at all). She also lives with my gran, who is my mum's stepmum, but she's always just been my gran cause her and my grandad had been together since the late 70's until he passed away in 2020. So.. yeah.. I was a bit worried as to why she wanted to come over and I had asked her if it was important. She turned up at my door like 20 minutes later, telling me that it was and she wasn't going to stay long, but she just didn't want to tell me over the phone or anything, she wanted to tell me in person. Immediately, I panicked. And I was right to. My gran had been sick for quite a few months. Unexplained weight loss, loss of appetite and energy and stuff, some other really weird things that they couldn't explain. They did so many tests and scans and everything and they couldn't find anything. That was, until she had another follow up scan the week before and they called her with the results a couple days after my dad's funeral. My aunt just wanted to give me a couple more days, because she knew I was already upset, that's why she waited to tell me. But um.. yeah.. what they told her is that she has pancreatic cancer. My aunt started telling me this, telling me that they were looking at all available treatment options and that surgery was potentially going to be happening and stuff. The whole time I just stood there staring at her in complete shock. All I kept thinking to myself was "really? Again? Already?". This is now the fourth close family member of mine to have cancer. My stepmum who passed in 2014 (it was actually her anniversary yesterday on the 28th, my first one without dad), my grandad (my grans husband) who passed in 2020, my dad who got sick really suddenly and passed this year.. and now my gran.. so soon after my dad. I really got upset. I can't remember much of that evening because I think I just broke down. They've basically said that they're going to do this really intensive and strong round of chemo to try and get rid. They may also be doing surgery to remove things too. Unfortunately though, this chemo and surgery plan is like.. a one time deal. So it HAS to work. If it doesn't then.. I don't wanna think about the "if it doesnt" right now tbh. I dont know if I'm strong enough to. She started her chemo on 17th August while I was away, but I've been texting and calling, checking in on her and stuff, seeing how she's doing, even while I was away. She's been okay, but over the weekend just gone, she was feeling really sick and dizzy, not eating much or drinking, they nearly took her to hospital because she was dehydrated, but thankfully she's perked up again. She's eating and drinking and feeling a little bit better. She has to get the chemo treatment every 2 weeks and she gets 6 treatments. So there's 5 more to go. I hope her body gets used to it and she doesn't feel as bad as she did over the weekend just past again. But if she does? I'll go help her if I need to. I haven't been able to see her since I got back because I got sick with a cold or flu or something again, so I didn't want to risk passing it on to her, especially when she's going through that and her immune system is already low.

I've been feeling a bit down since I got home too, I'll be honest. This town is just.. it's so shit, there's nothing here and it's honestly just.. bleh. That's the only way I can explain it. I haven't been seeing people much either. I just feel like everyone's too busy for me. I try and reach out and make plans and stuff, but everyone's just.. idk if they're busy or just cba with me. I really hope it's not the latter. But it's kinda shit. Considering everything I've been through this year and am still kinda going through. I also keep thinking more about saving up and moving away from this shithole town I grew up in. I just want to move somewhere where there's more to do or a better life to be had or where there's more opportunities. Idk, it's definitely something I might look into. But right now, I need to be there for my gran, get started with work again and just.. breathe a bit. I can think about all that bigger picture stuff soon. I just need to look after myself and my gran and just.. idk have some kind of normality for a little bit I think.

I really hope you're doing okay too. I hope your doctor's appointments have been going well. I swear to god, if they don't let you keep the piece of your rib that they cut out, I will come over there and I will riot lol. It's your fucking rib, they better let you keep it! Haha. I'm glad you managed to figure out the monitor thing too, that would have honestly driven me mental. I think I'd have also went a bit crazy with that going on, I'm sorry you ended up getting migraines and stuff from it, that really does not sound fun at all. I really hope you're feeling a bit better though and that you've been able to have some good times and some good rest too, considering you've had a lot go on this year too, with all your health stuff and having to move back home and stuff. It seems like we've both had really busy and stressful years so far. Let's hope that the rest of the year is nice and uneventful and has some happy things for us both, I really honestly do hope that for both me and you. We both deserve a bit of a break, let's face it. If I could, I'd come steal you away for a few days so we could have a break together. We could maybe go to Tasmania and you could show me those little markets and stuff you talked about before. That would be really nice I won't lie.

Oh, I also had a dream about you a few nights ago. It was only like a two second thing, but we were standing in a shop and you were laughing at me cause I wanted to buy peanut M&M's? Lol idk why but you were like "Don't you know what they put in those things?!" and I was genuinely so confused and just wanted peanut M&M's lol. It was one of those ones where I woke up and was like "huh?" Hahaha. You weren't being mean or anything, you were saying it more in like a.. jokey concerned way it seemed.

I really really hope you're doing good, E. I really can't wait to hear from you again. And I'm sorry that this is so bloody long. I guess I just wanted to tell you everything and do it justice, tell it like I would if I was sat here talking to you in person or on the phone or leaving you a voicemail or something. Idk it just feels better than way.

I had woke up and couldn't get back to sleep when I started writing this, but now I'm starting to get tired again. It's 7am here now, but I think I could probably get another couple of hours sleep. Hopefully. My sleep hasn't been too good since I got back home again. Probably because I don't really have anything to do during the day other than things around the house etc. So I end up getting bored and napping. Which isn't good but sometimes I just get so cosy lol. I wish I had a cat like Chonky to snuggle up with and nap. I hope she's doing good too. Please give her some pets and scritches from me. Belly rubs too, if you're feeling like a gambling man.

I really look forward to hearing from you, E. I hope you like the photos and stuff of my trip to London.

"If you ever go, all the songs that we like will sound like bittersweet lullabies"

P.S, it was only gonna let me upload one video, so I put them all up on my YouTube. There's a couple different ones, but here's the link for one of them, you can have a look at the rest if you like

and heres the pictures..

[existslikepristin]

Impromptu Review

Thanks for editing this one goes to momirene and Worldsover, and for helpful beta reading feedback from them and one dork who wants to remain anonymous.

Tags: TheLounge, Red Velvet, SNSD (Girl's Generation), Joy, Sunny, loneliness, potential traumatization of cats, a hoard of hell-themed sex toys, a strap on, a butt plug with Jiu's face in it, and bisexual problems.

The front door of Sunny’s apartment swung open so fast that Joy felt a breeze from the vacuum it left behind.

“Joy! You’re here!”

Joy blinked. “Yeah, I said I would come over.”

“It’s been so long since we’ve met up! Come in, come in!”

“It’s only been like a month though.”

Sunny grabbed Joy’s hands and pulled her through the doorway. “It feels like so much longer than that!”

Joy smiled and took her shoes off in the entryway. “You seem more excited than usual.”

“What? How so?”

“Well for one,” Joy said, pointing at the kitchen, “It looks like you prepared for a whole party in here.”

The kitchen’s island was covered in plates of snacks and several variations of alcoholic beverages. Additionally, Sunny was noticeably sweaty, like she had just run around the house preparing for guests. Joy figured it would be best not to bring that up.

“What? No. That? That’s… yeah, that’s a lot of food, isn’t it?” Sunny’s posture drooped, as if she’d already expended all of her energy on her greeting.

Joy pulled her into a side hug. Her height served to straighten Sunny back up. “What’s going on, girl?”

Sunny sighed and leaned her head on Joy’s chest. “I dunno. I’m just excited. Haven’t had a good social night any time recently.”

“Aw! But what about these cutie kitties?”

Sogeum popped her head out from behind the wall and gave Joy her signature droopy, grim stare without so much as a meow. As soon as Joy shuffled in her direction though, she turned and went back into the living room.

“Well, you know. Can’t really have a real conversation with the cats.”

Joy hummed her agreement and stepped into the kitchen. “I’m always happy to talk to you Sunny. They don’t call SM a family for nothing.”

Sunny groaned, loudly.

“Um. Okay,” Joy said when Sunny didn’t elaborate. “Not a family? Just a bunch of really close friends?”

“Yeah, that’ll work better. Not a fan of the family motif.”

Joy picked up a cracker and chomped down. “Gonna… explain? Family is normally a positive thing, isn’t it?”

Sunny grabbed a bottle of wine and yanked the cork out. “Yeah, totally, for sure. Hey, do you like Chardonnay?”

“I…” Joy didn’t want to skirt around whatever issue Sunny was having, but was well-aware of her stubbornness. “I sure do.”

As fancy glasses of white wine were generously poured, Joy made note of Sunny’s slow, unsteady movements. She worried that perhaps Sunny had already started drinking, or wasn’t getting enough sleep.

* * *

“Can you believe that, Joy?”

“No way. It’s just inhuman.”

“Completely! It’s not like green onions are suddenly more expensive to dry out!”

The conversation had started with gossip and cheese snacking when the sun was high. As the sun set, the discussion shifted to the price of instant meals, and the snack plates were all but empty. Joy had to fight the constant urge to fall asleep, as the topics were never much more interesting than that. But she let Sunny lead the talking as much as possible.

Joy was simply relieved that Sunny called her over before diving into her liquor storage. “You should start a petition to regulate the price. I’d be the first to sign it.”

Sunny’s tipsy grin matched Joy’s. Though the alcohol consumption had been slow-going, they had been doing it for several hours. “Oh that would be great press. ‘Washed up idol upset with ramen manufacturers.’”

With an exaggerated roll of the eyes, Joy pointed at a set of boxes in the corner of the living room, currently being used as a lookout tower by Sogeum. “You’re not washed up yet. Look at all of those sponsor gifts. Those weren’t here last time I came over… Wait, they weren’t, were they?”

Sunny giggled. “No, they’re, uh… new.”

Their corporate sponsors weren’t something that Joy, Sunny, or any of the other SM idols discussed often. There were usually so many vying for their attention that it was pointless trying to keep track. But Joy reasoned, somewhat drunkenly, that talking about it might be therapeutic to someone so down on their social status. “Who are they from, anyway?”

A blush deepened the red of Sunny’s already tipsy-glowing cheeks. “Uh… Nobody. Just a regular sponsor, ya know?”

Joy grinned. “Oh, come on. You can tell me. What am I gonna do? Call a press conference to tell the tabloids who’s contributing to your paycheck?”

Sunny rolled her eyes. She shot off the couch, spilling a drop or two of her wine in the process. From Joy’s naturally higher perspective, Sunny didn’t seem that much taller. “Fine,” she said, wobbling, “but you better not make fun of me.”

“I’ll make fun of you for other reasons, like how much I love you, bitch!” Joy blinked at her own shouting. She didn’t know when the alcohol had hit her, but she was beginning to think that she was a little more intoxicated than she previously thought.

Thankfully, the joviality in her voice seemed to encourage Sunny to play along. She set her wine on the coffee table and picked one of the smaller boxes off of the pile. “Disclosure first! We haven’t agreed to any deals yet. They sent me this stuff to try to convince me to shill it. I didn’t reach out to them.”

Joy waved the disclosure off like a mosquito, but Sunny still tossed the box in her direction. The weight inside of it was awkwardly distributed. Joy attempted to catch it, but it wound up ricocheting off the tips of her fingers and nearly knocking over an open, mostly full bottle of soju.

“The fuck is in this thing?”

“I’ve got some ideas but I just know who it’s from. Open it and find out.”

Joy tore into the box with no regard for the care that went into the packaging, which itself was surprisingly discreet. A smirk cracked her lips when she thought about what sorts of deliveries required such discretion. But the smirk faded right away when she got a view of the inside and realized that the packager apparently had the same idea.

Inside was a pair of plastic sheets wrapped asymmetrically around a roughly water bottle sized blob of blood red silicone. A small bit of pink cardboard advertised it as a five-speed, rotation-simulating, self-cleaning, pattern-switching, USB-charging, automatically-lubricating, remote-controlled vibrator with a speaker at the bottom for replicating a set of desired moans and a specialized charging dock.

Joy cleared her throat and stared at the horrifically fancy dildo, and its label, “Dante’s Dive,” unsure if she should toss it back to Sunny, considering it was clearly a personal item.

Sunny reached into what was left of the box, procuring a pretty little decorated card. “Dear Ms. Lee, we at Second Ring Inc were very pleased to hear your impromptu review of our products on a recent episode of ‘Welp, I Guess We’re Talking About This Now’ and wished to send you some additional items to show our appreciation. These are in no way a request for further public review,” Sunny was briefly interrupted by Joy’s disapproving snort, “but should you be interested in a partnership, we have included a phone number at which I, the chief executive officer, Lee Youngjoon, may be reached. Optionally, my username--”

Joy missed a few words as she was shocked by the extreme sound emitted by the vibrator when she pushed a button on the remote control.

“--is ‘worldsover’. As you know, Second Ring specializes in sexual wellness products, of which we’ve sent you a wide variety. They can be enjoyed by couples, or can serve as a fantastic outlet for power singles like yourself…”

Sunny trailed off. Joy was afraid she knew what was coming. “Damn, Sunny. You say so much as three words on national television and they scramble to get right up on your ass, eh?”

It was too late. Sunny was already tipping up the bottom of the soju bottle. A few drops spluttered back out of her mouth as Joy pushed it back down. “Sunny! You’ve said it yourself! You don’t want to get married!”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not still lonely!”

Joy wrapped her arms around Sunny. “You’ve got me. And a million other friends!”

“Fans don’t count.” Sunny’s voice was partially muffled by Joy’s shoulder.

“Ouch. Time for me to delete my Sone club membership. But fine. A hundred other friends. It’s not just me. It’s my members. Your members. And plenty of others. All of NCT would be--Okay, nevermind. Aespa though! They love you too.”

“But I don't want to inconvenience you." Sunny ended so matter-of-factly that Joy had to pause to process the short conversation.

"You know how… You know how you take a road trip, and there's a road block, or really bad construction, and you have to take a detour?"

"Yeah. I'm a detour."

"Come on, Sunny. What you are is the scenic route!”

There was a long silence.

“Was that the end of the metaphor?” Sunny eventually asked.

“I am very drunk.”

“You’re not that drunk.”

“Drunk enough to be shit at metaphors.”

“It’s…” Sunny extricated herself from Joy’s hug. “It’s okay. I think I know what you’re getting at, and I appreciate it. It’s just that a few words don’t really fix a brain, you know?”

Joy nodded slowly, watching as Sogeum casually stalked across the room. “Yup. But believe me. I’m here for you, at least. So if you need a friend, or some company, I’m at the top of your list.”

The cat plopped herself on the floor, right up against Sunny’s leg. Joy giggled. “Fuck off, kitty. I just said I was the top.”

It seemed the topic of conversation was ready to change. Sunny smiled, and it was enough to indicate her understanding.

“So!” Joy moved things along. “A pile of free, top of the line sex toys in your living room. What’s a young woman to do about that?”

Sunny snorted. “Well I’m not going to masturbate while I have company over, that’s for sure.” She grabbed another box from the pile and handed it over, doing her best not to disturb Sogeum’s new resting place.

The new box took mere seconds to open, this time revealing a black silicone butt plug with a red gem in the base. The casing suggested that a picture could be inserted beneath the gem, and it appeared there was one already there as an example. Joy had to flip it around to a variety of angles before she could make out that it contained a headshot of Dreamcatcher’s Jiu making finger hearts on her cheeks. She cocked her head, wondering if the image had actually been authorized.

Another box swapped between the womens’ hands. It took Joy a little longer to open than the last, but it turned out to be that way for a good reason, given that it was gently holding some fragile cargo: A red-tinted glass bottle of lube, labeled as “Juice from the Fruit of The Tree.” The lengthy product title had a snake winding through the letters.

“Well now they’re just really doubling down on this theme, aren’t they?” Sunny asked as she worked out how to open the next package, using her bottle opener as a makeshift knife.

Joy laughed and picked up yet another, now eager to see what kind of wild object it would contain. “Yeah, they really are! No lie, they’re starting to give me some ideas. Talk about sinful.”

“‘Oh I know,’” Sunny mocked the company, as SM artists often did, fingers still struggling to find their way under the first cardboard flap. “‘Let’s send Sunny a whole pile of sex junk. Bet she’s sinful enough to use it all.’ Like, come on Love-eye, or whatever your name is. What’s a single woman gonna do with all this? Hold up a pillow fort?”

“Hey, maybe he doesn’t know you’re single. Maybe there’s some stuff in here that takes two to tangle with… Fuck. Choerry’s got me using alliterations.”

Sunny barely managed to get her fingers inside the box, but her knuckles were turning white from the tightness of it. It seemed that she had left a portion of the packing tape uncut. “I said I was single on the show, though. I don’t think there will be any couples’ toys in here.”

“Oooh, I’m gonna make it a bet now.” Joy smirked. Her next sentence bypassed her verbal filter through the holes left in it by the alcohol. “If you get that thing open and there’s a strap on inside, you have to fuck me with it!”

A jerk of her arms snapped the remainder of the packing tape. Sunny chuckled. “You’re on. There’s no way it is.”

Joy had to admit that Sunny had a point, considering how small the package was. Surely it couldn’t fit a series of leather straps, or a dildo any larger than a couple of inches in any direction. The little voice in the back of her mind that told her making such an offer was stupid quieted down somewhat.

There was a moment of quiet. Sogeum rolled away from Sunny and made her way to the kitchen. Joy picked up another box, confident that she hadn’t just placed herself in an awkward situation. Sunny shook her head, amused. And then…

“J-Joy?”

Joy looked back, but wasn’t quite sure what she was looking at. It was a sort of mass of black string with some silver discs hanging off of it. Another piece of pink paper fluttered to the floor, where Joy picked it up and read aloud.

“‘The Obol.’ As Charon ferried Dante across the Styx and into the hole that is Hell, so too shall this state-of-the-art magnetic harness ferry our exclusive Dante’s Dive dildo into your… partner’s hole…”

There was more to be read, but both women seemed to get the point. The only sound in the room came from Sogeum chomping through some hard cat food in the kitchen. Slowly, their eyes raised and met. They both spoke at the same moment.

“That was a bet’s a joke bet right?”

Their drunken minds needed a moment to detangle their words into distinct sentences. Sunny’s “That was a joke, right?” and Joy’s “A bet’s a bet.”

Sunny started again first. “You know, we don’t have to.”

“I will if you want to.”

Every sentence being exchanged was followed by a palpable stillness. Joy’s heart beat loudly in her own ears, and she swore she could hear Sunny’s too.

“Do you… want to fuck me with that, Sunny?”

Sunny answered instantly. “Yup.”

There was a flurry of action, though it was slowed here and there by a tipsy stumble or two. Sunny gathered up an armful of the items on her coffee table, both sex toys and the bottle of soju, and sprinted for the bedroom. Joy rushed after her, messily attempting and failing to remove some of her clothes on the way.

Sogeum was spooked by the sudden kerfuffle and fled out of sight.

The bedroom was no less hectic. Sunny dropped everything on the bed except the soju, which she took one more swig of directly from the bottle before setting it dangerously close to the edge of her desk. She wiggled out of her shirt and bra, which attracted Joy’s attention instantly.

Joy struck at Sunny’s cleavage, wrapping her fingers as far as they could go around the legendary orbs, and her lips around one of the budding tips. Their differences in height made it awkward, but they very soon found their way to a horizontal state that eased that tension. Unfortunately, it was not on the bed, but on the floor, but they weren’t about to let something like that stop them.

What clothes they were still wearing exploded off their bodies. Joy’s shorts and shirt, Sunny’s pants and socks. All of it ended up in different sections of the room, thrown under and over furniture.

Joy was no stranger to encounters like this, and neither was Sunny. They had shared countless stories with each other… and some spit. But neither had considered their prior make out sessions to be precursors to explicitly sexual action. For her part, however, Joy considered this one differently, and Sunny’s hands searching half-blindly for Joy’s ass confirmed to her that Sunny thought the same.

Backs arched. Legs ground against one another. Open mouths met, trading the alcoholic scents that the women no longer cared to distinguish. Their minds had devoted themselves entirely to the search for physical pleasure.

A lot of exploratory prodding led Sunny’s fingers to the entrance to Joy’s pussy, failing to notice the number of pokes that ended up at Joy's exit. She took some time familiarizing herself with the drenched outer folds.

Joy, however, noticed the poking at her ass. Her mind swam with serotonin, thoughts of other people, and alcoholic fumes that seemed to rearrange the letters of her thoughts into nonsense. Or possibly into inspiration.

Inspiration relevant to the happenings at the prior year's award shows, that is.

Joy tried to pull back the moment Sunny’s fingers dipped inside her. She had opened her mouth to speak but instead groaned and arched herself further into Sunny’s grip on her sanity. "S-Sunny. B-bed."

At least that message was received loud and clear. Sunny dragged her fingers against Joy’s G-spot as she, disappointingly, pulled them out, nearly causing Joy to scream. The same fingers plunged into Joy’s mouth and quieted her as she diligently sucked her own juices from them.

The action transferred to the bed. Fingers immediately found their places again, and Joy bounced on her back in time with Sunny’s brutal shoves. Packaging bounced all around them. It was like a desperate, distracted game of Vegetable Shinobi for Joy, swiping at the jumping dildo. Sunny’s fingers were divine, eye-wateringly so, but Joy wanted something unholy.

Sunny muttered Joy’s name, catching her attention again. She lifted her head to meet for yet another imprecise kiss. Their legs twisted around each other. Joy could hear the desperation in Sunny’s moans, vibrating all the way down her throat, burning like the alcohol. She snaked a hand between them and found Sunny’s clit.

The moans freed themselves as Sunny bucked backward, almost out of Joy’s longer reach. Joy noted the exceptional reaction, and flipped Sunny onto her back, following immediately and putting herself in the position of power Sunny had initiated.

“You’re gonna fuck me with the strap on… right, Sunny?”

Sunny’s eyes widened, and she grabbed the toys.

“No, not yet,” Joy stalled in her most seductive voice. She slid down, nearly falling off the bed, and wrenched Sunny’s legs wide open with her elbows.

Sunny clenched her fingers around the hell-themed dildo for dear life. Joy’s name poured through her lips over and over again as Joy’s lips poured over her pussy.

Joy had to fight Sunny’s strength to keep her spread thighs from clamping around her head. She wanted to keep hearing her senior beg, loud and clear. To that end, she dug in her tongue, unable to penetrate far, but far enough to open Sunny up and feel the wetness flow into her mouth.

“Please… Joy… I’m close… Joy, please! Joy, don’t stop!”

The thought flitted through Joy’s head, that perhaps denying Sunny her orgasm would be fun, but something about the way she said it made Joy wonder if Sunny’s neediness was rooted in her loneliness, more than in her desire to get off. She shifted herself to wrap her arms under Sunny’s legs and pulled. It wasn’t possible for them to be any physically closer than they were, but she wanted to make it feel like they could be.

Sunny’s voice cracked, choked, and broke into a scream. Joy winced as her tongue was squeezed uncomfortably, but she wasn’t about to stop. The back arches, hair grasping, and pained gasps that followed were worth it.

Joy kept it up until Sunny’s body fell back down and her muscles relaxed. Only then, she removed herself to ask, “Need a break before my turn?”

A smile crept up Sunny’s mouth. Her fingers tightened around the dildo she still had in her hand. “Get… back down here.”

If there was any benefit Joy appreciated most about idol training, it was recovery speed, and Sunny still had it. Joy picked up the strap, quickly figuring out how it was supposed to fit and sliding it up Sunny’s legs. The motion doubled as her approach for another make out.

Of course, Joy was still immensely horny. Her interest in making out with Sunny was overshadowed by her desire to get fucked savagely, but she had the wherewithal to hold out, to let it happen naturally. She was always good at letting others take the lead. Whether they led from the top or from the bottom didn’t especially matter to her.

The alcohol made her more impatient than usual though. She forced herself to wait for the five-speed pounding she’d get, but she ground herself against Sunny’s leg in the meantime. Thankfully she didn’t have to wait long. Sunny threw her to the side and attached the vibrator to the unusual strap with very little trouble. Joy fingered herself as she watched.

“Fuck, yes, Sunny. This is going to be so goo--”

Sunny practically tackled Joy. Their lips collided again, strap hovering somewhere between Joy’s legs, but not close enough for her to feel it.

The moment she did, though, Joy grabbed Sunny’s ass and pulled. The lack of accuracy was made up for by the inhuman amount of lubrication present; both Joy’s and the curious synthetic compound that the dildo exuded seemingly of its own volition.

It was almost too much for Joy. The dildo was certainly longer than any she had used before, and bottoming out at full speed meant it hit her rather painfully in the cervix. She hissed, but otherwise just readjusted her legs in Sunny’s way to prevent the same thing from happening so easily again.

The strap held the dildo in place on Sunny’s body well. Despite its genuinely small frame, it seemed to prevent all wiggling. Every one of Sunny’s movements, including the less delicate, more intoxicated ones, translated to sensations that felt to Joy like a biologically attached dick, albeit with a plethora of extra features.

"You're so pretty, Joy," Sunny said. Even though she was doing all the work now, she wasn't nearly as winded as before. Knowing she’d affected Sunny made Joy grin into another kiss.

“No you,” Joy said with a smirk. She knew this would be good, but she truly underestimated how great it would be to see Sunny’s famous tits jiggling with the effort of fucking her. The sheen of sweat covering them would ensure the night wouldn’t be forgotten, even if Joy had another drink or two.

Joy’s first orgasm struck quickly and unexpectedly. Her breath stopped and a shudder spiked through her body from her core to the tips of her toes and fingers and head. The ability to think normally left her for a brief moment. She only kept the fleeting question of whether or not Sunny was able to feel Joy’s climax. Stars popped in and out of existence, obscuring Joy’s view of Sunny’s fantastic body.

It all faded relatively soon after, but it wasn’t enough for Joy. As soon as her lungs refilled, she screamed, “More! Sunny! Fuck me! Fuck me! Oh god!” She was practically numb everywhere, except for every square inch of her that the dildo rubbed, slid, and vibrated against. Her arms and legs wrapped around Sunny on their own.

Joy, eyes half closed, barely registered when Sunny slowed down to grab and open the extra package. She did, however, notice the sudden prodding feeling at her asshole.

“Sun--”

She couldn’t even finish Sunny’s name before something slipped its way into her butt. Her vision cleared up enough to see that even while she continued thrusting, Sunny had one hand tucked between them, and it was the source of the extra intrusion.

A couple more thrusts though, and Joy was lost to the pleasure again. She started to pant instead of scream or moan, or perhaps she was whimpering, or speaking fluent Polish. Joy couldn’t have said one way or the other. Another orgasm hit. And another. And another. She knew some time was passing between each one, but whether it was seconds or days between no longer mattered. Her mind was fading out of existence.

Until, that is, it wasn’t.

With seemingly no provocation, Joy suddenly remembered Cheungae. She had been meaning to talk to Sunny about him before they had gotten drunk. Her mind wandered, far, far more than it normally would during such intense sex.

Cheungae had taken her out several times since their first, less-than-professional meeting at the MAMAs with Wheein. Even though Joy knew he was struggling financially, he always insisted on paying for coffee, but would give up if he saw the bill when Joy took him to some of the much higher end restaurants.

He was always so polite, genuine, and humble. He didn’t even question when Joy told him they couldn’t be in a relationship, but instead insisted that they could be friends. Joy wondered if it was fair to him that she was treating him as a boyfriend in every way but name while she was still having a grand old time fucking everyone else in the industry. Cheungae knew about it, but wasn’t part of it.

And yet, sex with Cheungae made Joy feel good. Great, even. She could recreate the sensations in her mind for days afterward. His slim, toned figure hovering over her, his face contorted beautifully in adorable agony, his admittedly mediocre cock managing to hit her just right with every move. She couldn’t stop picturing him.

Another orgasm smashed through Joy’s illusion. The mental image of perfectly human Cheungae was instantly replaced with the very physical image of god-like Sunny. As tended to happen, Joy held her breath as the climax coursed through her. Her muscles contracted until she was holding Sunny in a deathly grip.

“F-fuck. Sunn-ny. Slow… slow down.”

It seemed that the request was desperately needed by both lovers, because rather than simply slow down, Sunny fell over. Joy’s pussy immediately craved to be filled again, but she knew she needed to clear her head. And besides that, she still had an odd full sensation. When her muscles relaxed enough for her to move of her own volition, she reached beneath herself and recoiled again at the feeling of a drenched butt plug. Her fingertips carried a puddle of mixed cum and lube back up.

“I’m sorry… Joy… I think that’s all I have left in me,” Sunny said between gasps.

Joy made note of her own throat and how dry it was. Whatever sound she was making while she borderline hallucinated, she’d be regretting it for a while. “All good. I was losing my sanity. That was unbelievable.”

Sunny giggled. It sounded painful. “The vibrator… or the surprise plug?”

Joy giggled back. “The plug was definitely a surprise. Was that the one with Jiu's face in it?”

“Mhm.”

“Cool,” Joy sat up, her head swimming in the aftermath. “But I just think it was you using the stuff that made it so good.”

Sunny seemed invigorated by the compliments. She smiled and reached under the bed, making some noise and bringing up a bottle of water. The two of them swapped it back and forth until it was empty and then collapsed into one another, idly feeling each others' bodies up the whole time.

“Does that mean you’re up for another… night like this? Or day?” Sunny asked as she fondled Joy’s tits. It sounded like she had sobered up, at least most of the way. Joy was too afraid of what she would see to look at a clock.

“You fucking know it,” Joy responded while she brushed her fingers up and down Sunny’s inner thighs. It was a reflex for her to agree, but she cringed inwardly as soon as she did, realizing how much more sober she had become herself, and how she wished she wasn’t. She was thinking about Cheungae again.

There was a barrage of light kisses all over her face, neck, and chest. Sunny looked far too happy for Joy to feel okay about retracting her statement.

“Maybe not right now though,” Joy said, just in case Sunny was already getting ideas. “We should really get to bed.”

She didn’t hear any arguments. They simply got up, and only long enough to flip up the duvet, flinging all of the remaining sex toys off, and jumped underneath.

It took a minute for Joy to realize she needed to remove the surprise butt plug. It was easy enough, and she ended up tossing it to the floor without looking at it.

Joy wrapped herself around Sunny. She was usually the big spoon, not that it bothered her. Sunny’s bare back felt comfortably hot against her chest and stomach. Cheungae liked being the big spoon too. He’d swap with her all the time…

“Hey, Sunny?”

“Mmm?” Sunny was on the verge of sleep, it seemed.

Joy lowered her voice, barely above a whisper. “Have you ever thought about… Settling down, I guess? Just being with one person?”

She didn’t expect Sunny to have an immense store of wisdom, but she hoped for more than what she got: a snore.

“Good night to you too, Sunny.”

[subsystems]

On the guy who “changed MPD to DID”

Recently I’ve begun to see things like this surfacing...

AND IT NEEDS TO STOP!!!

An article that was written in 2014 has been resurfacing lately in the plural community, especially among people without DID/OSDD. This is the article in question. In this article, the author is expressing some less than validating feelings about what he calls MPD. He didn’t believe in it. He seems to personally adhere to the unsubstantiated iatrogenic (it’s created by therapists) & sociocognitive (it’s a fad) models. He talks about how he wanted to remove MPD from the DSM-IV, but couldn’t do so.

Why is this such a big deal...?

Well, the guy who wrote this article is Allen J Frances, the man who chaired the DSM-IV taskforce. People have recently started spreading around these scary rumors that because he personally didn’t believe in MPD, he came up with “DID” to replace it.

This is NOT true.

Each edition of the DSM is run by a taskforce of many people. You can learn about how the taskforce for the DSM-IV worked here. Basically, the diagnoses were divided across different work groups who would receive input and data from researchers that specifically researched those disorders. They’d then analyze what might need changes, conduct field trials, and propose their suggestions, etc.

Frances just oversaw this process. He wasn’t a member of any of the work groups who were actually down in there coming up with & suggesting the changes. (Source: The DSM-IV pp.851-873 lists out everyone who contributed & what they did.) He wasn’t a researcher, either. He wasn’t giving any input or data.

He did not "coin” DID. The name change was recommended by researchers.

Look, I’m not a fan of Frances either. He doesn’t believe in the disability that I have. As the chair of the DSM-IV, he was strongly against ‘diagnostic inflation.’ His intention with the DSM-IV was to make sure that diagnostic criteria were as limited as possible so less people could get diagnosed. Because of this, many diagnoses ended up with minimal information and vague, limited criteria.

He's not on the taskforce anymore and hasn’t been for a long time. If he’s the chair of anything now that would be campaigning against the DSM-5. This guy actively condemns the most recent DSM because it undid a lot of the (frankly, harmful) changes. The DSM-5 lowered the threshold of many diagnoses, undoing the more restricted nature Frances pushed for.

That doesn’t mean that the DSM-5 is perfect; I certainly don’t think so. But it’s a lot better than the old manual, in my opinion.

Back to the whole “He coined DID!!!” thing...

So this whole thing that Allen Frances “coined DID” and “DID is his ableist replacement of MPD” is so fucking ridiculous. Don’t you guys think that if this were true, people would have been talking about it more? The earliest thing I could find mentioning something like this was this blog post from 2019.

I keep seeing threads practically repeating what is in this blog post. They keep bringing up that article I shared at the beginning of the post, but if you read through that article...he never mentions that he changed MPD to DID for some ulterior motive. He never even mentions changing MPD to DID at all. He just talks about his shitty opinions and whines about how he couldn’t delete MPD even if he wanted to. The best he could do to harm the diagnosis was injecting some controversy into the manual (which has been removed in the DSM-5).

Here’s that controversy. (The highlighted bits)

(^ Fuck that ableist shit. Why is everyone focusing on the disorder name and not THIS?)

I just have to wonder... If someone who was literally not a researcher coined DID and did so in order to harm people with it, over 20 years ago, WHY WOULD NO ONE WHO ACTUALLY RESEARCHES AND CARES ABOUT DID/OSDD TALK ABOUT THAT? Because there’s quite a lot of professionals who have talked about the controversy & restrictions he put into the manual! And, unsurprisingly, the name is not something that has come up! Nearly all professional sources I have found that talk about the change from MPD to DID says that it was done in order to make the disorder more understandable.

And do you guys wanna know some of the other disorders that were renamed in the DSM-IV? Literally all of the dissociative disorders (other than DPDR). They were all renamed to have “dissociation” in the name. To make them more understandable. Yeah.

DSM-III:

DSM-IV:

So, to all those people out there shitting on the DID diagnosis because they think that this asshole coined it...why are just shitting on DID when you should be shitting on ALL of the dissociative disorders that got name changes? Seriously, though. Saying that he coined DID is just straight up misinformation. My concern is that all this “DID is ableist” talk is going to end up getting dissociative people attacked or push them away from getting help. Reframe the hate lens!!! You can dislike Frances without spreading misinformation that can end up harming the people with the disability that he does not believe in.

That’s all I have to say on this.

- Sunflower

[keysimash]

Hiiiii making a new pinned post because I almost exclusively use tumblr on mobile

So first of all pro lifers go away I hate you I hate you I hate you

Ppl that love to police how queer people should express and label themselves you too shoo

You're probably here from my Ao3!! If not, oh boy, you're in for a treat! Oh god why did you read that dogshit??

My personal blog is lazydestinypaper not anymore! Now its simofabitch if you, for some reason, can't get enough of me here 💙

Okay now that's out of the way

I'm an adult! Minors pls dont interact with my nsfw stuff if ur parents get mad at me I can't afford a lawyer

Most artists r uncomfortable when ppl vent or say weird shit in their tags or inbox -- I dont care!!! Go for it!!! You wanna tag a chapter or drawing I made as #me when my father was absent from my life??? Sure go ahead I literally dont mind. I would be a hypocrite if I cared anyway because I'm literally coping by dumping everything on my comfort character <3 so dont be ashamed if it helps you. This is a safe space. Just keep in mind ppl can in fact see it so dont be, yanno. Saying stuff you dont want others to know about you or that would put u in danger. And this only applies to stuff I personally make don't do that on a random stranger i happen to reblog

I read everything you say to me even if I don't respond I love every thing and I mean it

If you hate my stuff leave your thoughts I would love to hear them this is not a joke I an 100% serious and I will not be angry about it

Magolor is my favorite character ever he is my comfort boy pathetic cringefail big wet eyed kitten catboy so dont be surprised when I never shut up about him

If you want me to hurry up on a work -- leave a comment!!! Getting comments like "please update" actually motivates me!!!! Kind of... Just keep in mind I am the EXCEPTION not the rule most writers hate when u ask them to update so. Dont. Also I have no update schedule it's literally based on mood and chance and motivation level

If you think something i wrote is weird /cringe/has a plot hole chances are I already know about it and hate it ten times more than you. Suck my cock about it

Don't be surprised when my posts are weird it says "cringe compilation" for a reason

If you really miss a work I've deleted I might consider giving you a copy if you message me

I might edit this later with my tags because I want to improve my tagging system but I think this is good for now

Edit 12/25/22: my tags are still a fuck!!! Fuck!!!

Edited 3/6/23 with new main blog url and other minor changes

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi Goldy: I just recently started reading your blog and I would like your thoughts on something. I am 100% convinced JiKook is a real relationship-there's just too much evidence to deny it. :-) I love their connection. I wonder about your thoughts on it being even more difficult for the members/company/fans to accept since JK is often portrayed as the heartthrob/can't do anything wrong member of the group? Do you think that makes it harder for everyone to accept that their Golden Maknae is gay?

Heartthrob who can do no wrong???

Chilee, I can hear Jungkook chuckling in his Itaewon home reading this bit right now. Lmho.

I don't know how to feel about Gay and wrong and acceptance being neighbors in a sentence. Sounds like a set up to an unsolicited, unwanted advice about gender and sexuality.

There's nothing wrong with being gay or queer. If people can't accept Jungkook is gay because they think he does no wrong because they interchange gay and wrong in a sentence then those people need to be castrated and mummified alive.

That being said, I think I understand where you are coming from. Jungkook gets away with a lot within the fandom- not so much within the group. Unless of course, you're counting the messing with his hyungs and making them pay for stuff and him acting bratty with certain hyungs.

I mean being Maknae has its perks.

But I think the group holds him to much higher standards especially within Jikook's dynamic, which to me is crazy because Jimin is the hyung in that group.

Yet most times- untill dynamite era last year- they sort of had this weird Jimin is always right schtick going on within the group. And you could see this especially with RM and Suga when it came to the JK vs JM moments. I have a post saved in drafts on this topic and so I won't get much into it.

But yea, a lot has changed since October and you see this shift mostly in RM and JM's dynamics- I recall dropping hints here and there about how I felt Minimoni needed to spend more time together off cams cos I thought it would be good for their dynamic? There's been a lopsided shift in Kookminjoon's dynamic and I think it's quite telling of how they have handled Jikook's relationship even on that personal level.

I think more than anyone in BTS Jk has gone up against stereotypes and people's assumptions of him and he's always stood his grounds.

People take him as he is. They don't have a choice really. He doesn't bend himself to be consumable. If he did he wouldn't be spotting them tattoes and piercings. I think he is the least consumable member in BTS according to Kpop idol standards- in certain aspects. He don't be moving like a typical idol is what I'm saying- he doesn't sway too far away either.

Do I think he gets away with a lot in this fandom? ABSOLUTELY. A lot of idol's careers have ended for far less- the scandals, the body art, the ghetto gayness etc. He really doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks of him. If he wants to get a tat he will. If he wants to fuck his band mate he will. Jeikei does what Jeikei wants.

I think if he came out today to say he likes men, or girls, or three breasted aliens- we will say ok and keep it pushing because he's gradually conditioned us to accept and be ok with who he is over the years.

"If army loves me they will accept me as I am. Rather dead than cool."

I don't think he negotiates negotiates his person with anyone. He may make compromises here and there but if push came to shove I think he would what he wants and what makes him happy and not what others want of him. He pushes the boundaries on the limits of what it means to be an idol in KPop and I think more so than Jimin he is the one best fitted to change the status quo in terms of the LGBTQIA discourse.

Jimin is a different case all together. He is an idol true and true and it makes me sad that he used to care so much what people thought of him and that he always tried to make others happy at his expense. And I can understand him because putting himself first and doing what he wants- especially in recent times, have come with consequences. He is constantly negotiating, straddling the line and trying to keep the balance- which is kind of a libra curse so I can't be mad at that really. But it sucks in the grand scheme of the LGBTQ agenda.

Whatever people think Jikook are, I think they are the exact opposite of it. It's just a matter of them showing it or living up to their truth I think. I love Jungkook- as a gay woman. I love that he is with JM because I feel they can accomplish a lot together if only JM will allow him to push his boundaries a little bit more and not resist it so much.

I think a lot of people can't believe and accept JK is gay because they are homophobic period or they have a very narrow view on life and gender and sexuality or they have just been bamboozled and they get thrown off by the mainstream hyper masculine image JK presents- which I think also stems from their being used to the stereotypes of gayness rather than gayness itself. They couldn't tell a gay man if he licked balls right in front of their salad.

A lot of what people see as gay is nothing but tropes and stereotypes of gayness. And so when they see a gay man who doesn't fall under those stereotypes they struggle to wrap their heads around it. In my opinion.

It's easier, for instance, for people to think masculine presenting women are queer than for them to wrap their heads around someone like beyonce being a lesbian- It's a loose analogy but sis work with me- I'm tired. Lol. And I say this from experience, between my sister and I, people often think she is the gay one. Lmho. Yet she is the least likely to be gay in my family. My little brother is bisexual if not gay chilee. Lol. We are the only queer ones in the family I think. But people clock him more so than I because he's effeminate. I often pass for a het- which sometimes I feel guilty about but this is not about me. Focus Goldy. [Also edit n delete ma'am]

I think it's the same for people's perception of gay men though. It's easier for people to wrap their heads around gay Jimin than gay Jk on that spectrum because Jimin fits a more traditional stereotype of gayness.

Truth is, anyone can be gay regardless of how they look or how they present as. Me when I look at BTS, JK is the most likely to dip his dick in some guts or try that gay shit at least once and next to him JM is the most likely member. Put those two together and I don't need my gay crystal ball to figure they might be screwing.

I gotta admit, I know some people who don't want to believe JK might be queer because they know the struggles that come with that identity. It could be they themselves are homophobic and have perpetrated violence and aggressions towards gay people- the karma of them loving someone who might be gay can do a number on them. Imagine that. Imagine hating on something only to find out your fave is that thing🙃

It's a myriad of things really but homophobia is always at the root of it.

I think people should stop trying to beat down their brains to accept something as fact that hasn't been confirmed. They should start with the baby steps- which member is the most likely to be gay in bangtan?

If the answer is any member besides Jikook I am beating you with a sledgehammer🤣

I hope this answers your question?

Did someone send me a Jesus loves me message recently? Y'all are too kind. I'm too gay he's gone wipe me on the hot floors of hell🤧

Signed,

GOLDY

[tamewkii]

✧┊what's in their phones?

My Hero Academia ;; izuku, katsuki, shoto, eijirou, denki

a/n ;; this isn't the original post, the original one got deleted and luckily i had a copy in the draft but some got deleted and can't remember what i added</3

Midoriya Izuku

His search history is filled with All Might and other heroes & things he didn't know and decidedto pull out the internet (but still majority of it is All Might)

Has two social medias and it has to be Twitter & YouTube

Doesn't have any of those viral games because one time he just "eh, how do i do this" and deleted it

Though he does have learning games like Periodic Table Quiz, Brain Out, and simple games like Bottle Flip, if there was an All Might game he'll definitely download it

His lockscreen is on default but constantly changes his homescreen to different All Mights or some picture he likes

Has a file in his gallery that's filled with All Might to document the times they spent together (i know for a fact he doesn't want to miss a moment)

Bakugo Katsuki

You can find that skull print almost everywhere in his phone

slippery screen

Hommie has spotify and perhaps trying premium

has Twitch, YouTube and Twitter (the only reason he has Twt is becuse he wants to join the chaos and bash out to random accounts)

Probably installed PUGB before and is now playing CoD, Among Us? yeah, he tried but ended up breaking his screen protector

His apps are messy and never bothers to put it in files

you'll probably see 'how to care for someone' in his search bar

His lockscreen has a little note saying 'fuck off or die' and a black wallpaper saying 'fuck you, extra' (he made it himself, kinda proud), and for homescreen he probably just used black, an edit of his hero name, or just 'WHY THE FUCK DID YOU UNLOCK IT YOU FUCKING STICK ASS BITCH' yup...

Todoroki Shoto

apps are pretty much unmoved and arranged nicely

he had Twitter once but that made him stay up for days straight and deleteded after a week

and with that he now downloaded Notion, very concerned about himself

his search history is more concerning though

he never had any games before but when Among Us blew up Kirishima invited him to join

but since he's very very clueless he quit and downloaded Bottle Flip to distract him instead (Midoriya's recommendation)

his phone looks like he just bought it from the store 3 seconds ago, but actually he just takes care of it really nicely

I can see him holding up an android

everything is on default mode but often switches from dark to light mode (vice versa)

has Crunchyroll, manga app/saved website(s), and Netflix (since now he has friends they can watch together)

Kirishima Eijirou

I know for a fact he dowloaded a fitness app and uses health tracker that comes with the phone

he plays CoD to keep Bakugo some company and plays Among Us with the others

the man has Instagram with Crimson Riot as his pfp

in his gallery if filled with "important stuff" like; random screenshots; tiktok videos; his friends clowning around

I'll fight you if you think he DOESN'T have tiktok and do stupid shit

his screen protector is not in a good shape, scratches all over, really

dude can possibly have Netflix and sometimes joins Todoroki if he can't pay atm, and watched Hulk; the Meg; and tried The Conjuring

nothing is on default mode aside the keyboard

i think he has the game Dragon City, i think

Kaminari Denki

his phone is so close to blowing up from that fast charging and nearly overloaded storage

constantly changes his wallpapers with funny memes

bro used the prn website and received emails that made him cry for days, he quited but is now into pervy mangas that uses code thingies I don't understand

has all the latest socials and games, but he rarely uses some of them

he has Netflix and watches Turbo & The Flash probably.

his screen possibly has a huge crack

Among Us, he kind of had the game before it was viral and likes to make jokes no one understood yet like "that's kinda sUS, eh? eh?"

fuck it his apps are messy and never wants to organize it, same as Bakugo but his looks more like a storm crashed his phone

[jae-daddy]

Blind

jaebum!dickhead 

masterlist

pairing: jaebum x reader genre: angst plot: you overhear your boyfriend Jaebum and his friends talking rudely about you.  a/n: this was written a long time ago lol. I thought I’d post it instead of deleting it. not edited. hope y’all like it

“Dude, I can’t believe she followed you here,” you heard Yugyeom, as you neared the pool table the boys were surrounding.

Your eyes easily found Jaebum, as he leaned forward to take a shot. His black leather jacket stretching over his broad shoulders, his hair styled in a perfectly messy way. Even with his back towards you, you still felt butterflies flutter in your tummy as you thought of the way he looked tonight.

You thought back to the car ride. His hand on your thigh, inching higher until it slipped under your short skirt. He loved it when you wore short skirts and tight tops. It drove him crazy, he could never keep his hands off you. 

Just as he had struggled to keep himself from parking his car at some random place and fuck you before you reached the party. You remember his throaty growl as he ripped his hand away from tracing your panty and to the steering wheel. 

His jaw tight as his clenched the wheel, his knuckles turning white. 

“I won’t be able to stop if I start baby,” he looked over at you, his eyes dark and filled with promise. You wanted him to do it, you didn’t care about this party. 

But Jaebum did. 

It was his friend’s party, and as a part of the popular kids troupe, he needed to show up. 

“She didn’t follow him, she just misunderstood,” Youngjae clarified, his voice teasing. “Right, Jaebum?”

You stopped in your tracks, feeling your stomach drop.

“You really need to learn to draw boundaries with her bro,” Jackson told Jaebum as he missed a shot. You saw Jaebum grimace at the missed shot, before looking up to meet Jackson’s eyes. When he didn’t say anything, Jackson sighed, “She can’t keep following you-”

“Y/n is not following me,” Jaebum cut him off. You let go of the breath you were holding in, the tight line your lips were drawn into relaxed slightly.

“Was she invited?” Nate asked, shooting Jaebum a knowing smirk.

“No,” Jaebum sighed.

“Did you invite her?”

“Well, no.”

You felt like you were about to vomit. 

“Y/n is always clinging to your side,” Nick told him, before taking a sip of his beer. “You are never free to do anything. You are always with her, it’s like y’all are in a relationship.

“If you were hitting that, then I’d support you, bro,” Yugyeom mumbled, shrugging.

“Yeah right,” Nate snorted. “like anyone would hit that.”

You watched Jaebum, waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t. He just stared at Nate, with a grimace barely noticable.

“Dude, be honest,” Nate smiled at Jaebum, “would you hit that?”

When Jaebum didn’t reply, Nate’s smile grew bigger, “Has she tried hooking up with you?”

You felt sick.

Your mind instantly went to that night when you had kissed Jaebum. The night that had started it all. You were at a party just like this, and somehow you both ended up in the same bedroom hiding away. 

You were waiting for your friend to finish hooking up and were tired to creeps so you hid the room. Jaebum stumbled in a few minutes later. 

You were scared at first, thinking it was a drunk boy. You were terrified because the music was so loud you weren’t sure if anyone would be able to hear you if you had screamed for help.

But your panic turned into interest as you saw the staggering figure straighten as they closed the door. You watched Jaebum fall onto the bed and let out an exhausted sigh. You saw him pull out his phone, dialling someone as he pinched his nose, “Hello, 911?” 

Jaebum wouldn’t let you out of his sight after he spotted you. You knew too much. You had the power to ruin his popularity. So you ended up spending the whole night with Jaebum, talking about random things. 

By the end of the night, you realised there was more to him then the superficial bad boy act he puts up. You couldn’t help yourself but kiss him before you had to leave. 

it felt like a final goodbye. You knew that after that night ended, you would never get the chance again. So you took the chance, you kissed him. 

And, he kissed you back. 

He had pulled you in, bringing you to his lap. He had stopped you two before things got too heated. And then, he snuck into your bedroom for more late night conversations. 

Jaebum had asked you to be his girlfriend a month ago. A month had passed and no one knew that you and Jaebum were together. People thought it was a unlikely pair, but it was friendship at most. 

“No way!” Yugyeom gasped, “For real? What happened?”

Jaebum just shook his head. You could see the smug smile on his face, and it hurt your heart.

Just an hour ago, he was holding back from railing you in the backseat of his car. 

You snapped out of your thoughts as you watched Jaebum move around the table. You watched his face as he spoke. 

“I told her I was coming here tonight, and she kind of just tagged along,” Jaebum sighed, ignoring the comments. He scratched the back of his head nervously, as he studied the guys staring at him. The other boys looked at him with knowing looks as they shook their heads. “I know I should’ve clarified, but I feel bad for her.”

You were actually going to be sick. You dug your nails into your palms, biting your lip tightly to stop yourself from crying in the middle of the party. You knew you should walk away, but you wanted to hear it. Even as it hurt your heart.

Even if it felt like Jaebum sunk his claws into your chest and wrenched your heart out. You wanted to hear what your boyfriend had to say about you.

There was Im Jaebum, your boy friend, standing in a group with his friends, talking about how he felt bad for you.

You felt your heart sink, and your stomach churn, as you heard him continue.

“She's been through a lot. None of her friends talk to her anymore, I can’t just tell her to buzz off,” Jaebum explained, his voice coated with desperation wanting his friends to understand, to agree with his justification. “And it’s not too bad. She’s here doing her thing, and I’m doing mine.”

“Bro,” Yugyeom gave him a dry look, snorting at Jaebum, “how can you be doing your thing when you can’t even hook up with other girls because you have to take her home?”

“I don’t need to-”

“Sara is here,” Youngjae smirked at Jaebum. You saw Jaebum freeze at her name. He had said her name a few times to you before, “She asked about you.”

“Bro!” Yugyeom gaped at Jaebum who still hadn’t found it in himself to start moving again. “Sara!”

Finally, Jaebum leaned against the table. His hands grabbing the edge, as his shoulders fell with his head as he sighed, “Fuck.”

“You could be hooking up with Sara but you’re stuck babysitting,” Youngjae laughed.

“Hey, but she looked kind of all right tonight,” Nate shrugged. “That little crop top of hers really shows those,” he held up his hands in front of him gesturing to your boobs. “I mean, I would pity fuck that. Give her the gift of knowing a good time.”

Your feet began moving backwards as you started moving away from the group. You couldn’t hear anymore. You can’t stand there and watch as your boyfriend acted like you didn’t matter to him. You can’t stand there, listen and pretend that what they said didn’t hurt you, that it didn’t hurt you that Im Jaebum might have never loved you at all. 

You bumped into someone, and you turned around apologising.

You didn’t want to hear what else they had to say. You didn’t want to see how else Jaebum would let them talk about you. You didn’t want to find out how Jaebum thought of you.

“Shit, sorry,” you whispered, your voice shaking. You lifted your gaze to find soft brown ones looking at you with sympathy. His hands gently rested on your shoulders as he steadied your stumbling feet.

“It’s okay,” Mark said, softly. He was part of their group. If he wasn’t behind you, he would probably be standing next to Jackson, laughing along with them. You didn’t want his sympathy. 

You didn’t want anything from him. 

Your eyes began burning as his eyes drifted behind to the group of boys laughing, before settling back on you.

“Are you okay?” Mark asked. You brushed his hands off your shoulders and took a step back.

You didn’t meet his eyes as you nodded, unable to speak.

You walked around him, and headed straight for the door. You didn't look back at Jaebum or stop until you were outside the house. 

Even then, you kept walking down the street, your feet picking up speed as you tried running away from the loud noises in your head.

You felt sick, you felt tired.

Your heart broke into a tiny million pieces as their words kept replying in your mind. But that’s not what broke you.

The thing that hurt you the most was Jaebum. He didn’t do anything, he didn’t say anything. He just let them, he laughed with them, he agreed with them.

You stopped when your lungs started to burn, and you couldn't go any further. 

You called for an Uber and waited on the side of the road. You stared at your phone, waiting for Jaebum to notice you were missing. 

You wanted him to text you, to call you. You wanted him worry about you, to show any proof that he did like you back. Even a silver of how much you loved him, you wanted even the slightest of his love back. 

It was all you needed to help you stay together and not fall apart. 

You stared at the screen as the Uber pulled up. You stared at it all through the ride. You didn’t look up as you thanked the driver. 

You locked the door as you entered your house. You stared at the phone, biting your lips. 

You shouldn’t send him anything. He hadn’t even noticed. 

But then, against your better judgement, you decided to send it, ‘I’m home.’

You changed and got into your bed, covering yourself with your blankets. 

You didn’t shower. You were too tired to shower. You were too tired to do anything. You were too tired to even close your eyes and pretend to go to sleep. 

You knew sleep wasn’t going to come easily tonight. Not when you kept on thinking about the smile on Jaebum’s face as he listened to his friends talk about you. Not when you remembered the way his shoulders and head slummed with defeat when he found out Sara had asked about him. 

There was no way sleep was coming easy to you when all you wanted to do was cry.

You didn’t cry though.

You tried not to cry, you tried to hold back the tears, at first. But then, you couldn’t stop them. The tears silently rolled down your face, as you lay on your side.

You felt the pillow get wet, but you ignored it as you blankly stared at the wall instead. Your hands desperately clenched the blanket, as you tried to calm yourself down, before you began uncontrollably sobbing. 

Jaebum’s reply came a few minutes later. ‘What?’

‘Are you alright?’

‘Are you sleeping?’

‘Should I come over?’

After five minutes, your phone rang.

You saw Jaebum’s name on the phone. 

Your chest ached seeing his name on the phone. You wanted to pick it up. 

But, you ignored it and turned the phone over as you slipped it under your pillow.

It rang again, and again. Three more times, before you picked it up.

“What the fuck?!” He gnarled into the phone, you could hear the wind rushing past him. It sounded like he was speeding somewhere. 

You didn’t say anything, just waited for him to continue.

“Are you okay? Why did you leave early?”

“I’m okay,” you rasped, your voice hurting your throat. “I don’t feel well. I’m going to sleep.”

“You sound horrible,” Jaebum replied softly, the panic in his voice subsiding. The softness in his voice made new tears escape down your face. You moved away from the phone and wiped your tears.“Do you want me to come over, babe?”

You hated it. 

You hated how your heart trembled when he called your baby. 

“No,” you rasped, your lower lip trembling as you held back a sob, “I just need to be alone.”

You sniffled your nose as you swallowed, your vision blurring.

Jaebum remained quiet for a moment, the wind rushing past slowing down now, “Okay, take care. Call me tomorrow, okay, babe?”

“Goodbye, Jaebum,” was all you said before ending the call.

You didn't hold it back anymore.

Your body curled into a ball, as it began shaking furiously as sobs raked through you.

Your hand clasped over your mouth as you sobbed into the dark night.

Your heart, broken and bleeding by the one boy you had trusted.

[coolnerdyandalone]

on FIMQ deleting her content and COVID-19 (and a gratuitous larry fic rec)

@freddiesmyqueen first of all queen i hope you’re doing ok although i know some shit must have gone down for you to delete/private list all your videos and i hope you know that the larry community supports you always. Also your talent is TRULY unmatched in the world of video editing - no one makes edits quite like you and that’s why your loss impacts the community so profoundly. 

secondly, i know at least i was hoping to turn to rewatching all of FIMQ’s videos while i’m being quarantined due to the coronavirus. and i’m willing to bet that i’m not the only one. this is a scary time and for people like me who feel profoundly alone right now, the only way for me to calm my nerves and fears is by reverting to the content and community that helped me feel not so alone when i was in middle and high school. For me, that looks like watching FIMQ videos and reading my favorite larry fanfics (which i will also link below).  because of this i thought it might be helpful to repost some links that were posted by @bluemoonlarryandkaylor for a signal boost (if my teeny-tiny account can be called a signal boost). 

link to a google drive with FIMQ videos: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1ONwfLOd_IYvAL5OUDqDb_LLgQsDpd9il

link to an acct with some FIMQ re-uploads: https://www.youtube.com/user/Joana3961/videos

link to FIMQ vids with spanish subtitles: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIouodFhArMkQhOHxv2t2NgxTwl6KvXAT

and now if you want to look at some good old fashioned larry fics that are my ABSOLUTE faves and could 100% be actual novels/movies, keep reading:

And Then A Bit** by @infinitelymint aka the best fanfic ever written (basically larry fakes a relationship for publicity with each other and it could be cannon if you really wanted to hope upon hopes): https://archiveofourown.org/works/1415272/chapters/2972746 (159k)

“We’d like to give the fans what they want.” Magee states, placing his hand on the table in front of him and leaning forward. “We want to give them Larry Stylinson.”

Or, take a parallel universe where Louis and Harry were never together, mix in a two year hiatus and an impending comeback, pour in a dash of lost fans, two tablespoons of strong friendship and a Modest! employee with a good idea. Add a squeeze of pretending to be a couple, lots of kisses and a tattoo or two. Stir. Serve: the mother of all publicity stunts.

(aka Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.)

Escapade** by @haydolce aka the Jack McQueen fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4034197/chapters/9071932 (146k)

In the grand scheme of things, finding a date for a wedding should be no problem for Louis Tomlinson. He's rich. He's handsome. He's reasonably well behaved. But when the wedding is for his lifelong best friend (and former boyfriend), and is happening in under a month, finding a date for the ceremony and accompanying festivities becomes more of an adventure than he ever could have planned for.

California Sold** by @isthatyoularry​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/5157680/chapters/11877494 (123k)

Notoriously closeted boyband member Harry Styles is famous on a global scale, meanwhile Louis, as his best friend, is back home in Manchester, living the typical life of a 24 year old. When Harry needs Louis with him in LA, a publicity stunt gone wrong changes their friendship forever.

A fake-relationship AU between two lifelong best friends.

Bring Your Body Baby (I Could Bring You Fame) by @theboyfriendstagram : https://archiveofourown.org/works/4263903/chapters/9652944 (84k)

Eighteen year old Harry Styles just graduated high school and landed a summer job as a waterboy for his favorite football team. His job description is simple: be ready to hand water and towels to players if needed. That didn’t seem to include Louis Tomlinson though, a twenty-three year old, recently transferred Paris Saint-German player, who seems to like making Harry’s job much more difficult than it has to be.

OR  

A self-indulgent AU that takes place over the summer of 2015. 18 year old Harry hates pining after people he can't have, and 23 year old footballer Louis loves flirting with people even though it never means anything.

Pull Me Under** by @zarah5 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/870766/chapters/1672104 (140k)

AU. As the first British footballer to come out at the prime of his career, it helps that Louis Tomlinson is in a long-term, committed relationship. Even if that relationship is fake. (Featuring Niall as Louis' favourite teammate, Liam as Louis' agent, and Zayn as Liam's boyfriend, who just happens to be good friends with one Harry Styles.) 

You You You** by @isthatyoularry : https://archiveofourown.org/works/846690/chapters/1617212 (137k)

“Infamous boybander leaves club together with unknown,” read the headline. Underneath were pictures of a boy with dark curls, green eyes and very tight pants. They both studied the article for a moment, reading it through quickly. “Is that…?” Louis frowned. That guy almost looked exactly like... "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" "Louis," Niall said, looking absolutely fucked over. "You just fucked the most wanted guy on earth. You just fucked Harry Styles of One Direction."

Or, the one where Harry and Louis meet at a club and Louis takes Harry home, only for him to realize that the boy who just made him breakfast half naked is Harry Styles from One Direction.

Like an Endless Summer by @horsegirlharry : https://archiveofourown.org/works/11365494/chapters/25442085 (87k)

“You just wanna go fawn over Styles as soon as possible,” Zayn grumbles.

“I do not. Plus, he probably got ugly this year. Eighteen is an awkward time...I bet he’s got acne and one of those terrible fuckboy haircuts all the hipsters are getting these days, with the shaved sides? Just watch, the first year we’re gonna get any time together is gonna be the first year I don’t have a stupid crush on him.”

---

Or, Louis is a riding instructor at a summer camp, and Harry is a fellow counselor who he’s been successfully managing his crush on for the last two summers. That is, until Harry shows up this year leveled up and lethal, and all Louis’s formerly perfected veneer of nonchalance melts like a popsicle in the sun.

Three French Hems by @100percentsassy and @gloriaandrews : https://archiveofourown.org/works/3064493 (20k)

In which Louis is a designer at Burberry and Harry spends December wearing Lanvin… and Lanvin… and Lanvin.

The Dead of July aka the Marvel Fic by @whimsicule  : https://archiveofourown.org/works/3594570/chapters/7928520 (117k)

Being an Avenger means continuing to be Captain America and smiling and being honorable for the public and Harry does his best. But it doesn’t give him time to figure out who he is supposed to be once he takes off his uniform and puts the shield to the side. Just being Harry had always involved Louis, and Harry fears he doesn’t know how to exist without him.

or: Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.

Gods & Monsters by  @mizzwilde : https://archiveofourown.org/works/2090982/chapters/4550871 (201k)

The instructions were simple: seduce and destroy Harry Styles. Not once did they discuss the option of Louis actually falling in love. So, naturally, that's exactly what he did.

Love is a Rebellious Bird aka LIARB aka the orchestra fic aka dont hum bolero by @100percentsassy and @gloriaandrews : https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162438/chapters/2362331 (135k)

AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

Don't hum Bolero.

My English Love Affair** by @isthatyoularry​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/1873962 (19k)

The thing about sleeping with a member of a famous indie band is that the inevitability of having a song written about you is most likely a hundred percent. The second thing is that in the end, nobody's supposed to find out it's about you.

The one where Harry writes a song about his English love affair and Louis sleeps with someone in White Eskimo and all he gets is a stupid song written about him.

Soft Hands, Fast Feet, Can’t Lose by @haydolce : https://archiveofourown.org/works/5799241/chapters/13366498 (113k)

American Uni AU. Harry Styles is a frat boy football star from the wealthy Styles Family athletic dynasty. A celebrity among football fans, he knows how to play, he knows how to party, and he knows how to fuck (all of which is well known among his legion of admirers).

Louis Tomlinson is a student and an athlete, but his similarities to Harry end there. Intelligent, focused, independent, and completely uninterested in Harry’s charms, Louis is an anomaly in a world ruled by football.

A bet about the pair, who might be more similar than they originally thought, brings them together. Shakespeare, ballet, Disney, football, library chats, running, accidental spooning, Daredevil and Domino’s Pizza all blend into one big friendship Frappucino, but who will win in the end?

Wild and Unruly aka the Cowboy fic by @100percentsassy and @gloriaandrews : https://archiveofourown.org/works/2723093/chapters/6099611 (124k)

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

For As Long As I Can Remember (It’s Been December)** by @greenfeelings​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/15051122/chapters/34892210 (128k)

After recovering from a severe accident that causes Harry to lose his memory of three years, he moves to London to start his life over as a star chef. Little does he know that when he falls in love with Louis at first sight, it’s not the first time they meet.

Featuring an unintentional game of hot and cold, Harry chasing memories that won’t come back, Louis burying himself in work to try and forget what he can’t forget, Liam being torn between two of his best friends, Zayn as a moral compass and Niall saving the day with good music and brutal honesty.

the boys of fall** aka the american football fic by @godgavemelou​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/5443037 (21k)

“And everyone, this is Harry Styles. He’s going to be our starting quarterback this year.”

Louis looks at him, the tall and lanky Harry Styles, and takes it all in. He’s got hair to his shoulders that curls at the ends, tattoos all down his arms, and a bright smile on his face as the team cheers him on. He’s lean and fit, and absolutely beautiful, and Louis hates him to the core.

OR an american football au where the boys play for the university of tennessee, and harry and louis quite hate each other.

** indicates that the fic is a log-in required fic, but if you want the pdf i can send it to you

[snarkwrites]

so, i have come with an idea that came from watching the deleted scenes from dazed and confused. slater has stated that “it’s about quality, not quantity”. and when i tell you my mind had a field day with that🥵🥵whew! the man totally fucks and knows how to make it amazing, i just know it! - ❤️

AHHH OMFG THAT LINE. It invokes so many thots within me. So many, holy shit. And here you are, blessing me with a chance to play out these thots of mine. I love you so so so so so so much, angel.

Let's take this a step further shall we? How about Slater... deflowering a virgin... Mhm. I'm going there. Same reader/you from the last Ron Slater ask, btw. This should be fun af.

LIFE EDIT: This is kind of an alternate take. Kind of a what if Ron x you blew off the party at the moon tower and went back to have a little fun at his place all fucking night instead... So. yeahhh.

Warnings:

Sexual content ; oral sex, male giving... If you're not 18+ this post ain't for you, keep it moving, kiddos. If you choose to stay after this warning, that's your choice.

TAGGING:

@chasingeverybreakingwave - bc Ron fucking Slater, bb. And I love you and I wanted you to see this, lmaooo. I may be one step closer to caving in and doing 'the thing'.

@twistnet - Bc I love you and our talks ahh.. inspired this.

OTHER STUFF:

[ FAQ - MULTIFANDOM TAG LIST ]

Ron Slater & first time;

Things were getting a little heated. The tension between you two couldn't get any thicker if you tried to make it so. His hands were literally all over you. You had two hickies already and there was absolutely no way you were hiding either of them later and you fucking loved it...

The discussion in Pickford's car turned to sex for whatever reason and Dawson, as per usual, was being a dick. When Ron popped off at Dawson about preferring quality over quantity, it had you conflicted because see... You were still a virgin. So you figured that given you knew for a fact that Ron wasn't, this alone would rule you out.

And the way it kind of invaded your brain and got to you, that had you a little nervous. Had you bitten off more than you could chew? What if things went further and you were really bad in bed? And then, another thought... a bigger one, might I add, that hit you with the force of a speeding car at a brick wall...

,, Wait a minute... I'm actually thinking about sex with him. No, I've made up my mind. I want him. If I'm gonna do this, it's gonna be with him. Nobody else." the thought took over. You were so caught up in the realization that yes, you absolutely wanted to give up your virginity to Ron Slater that you failed to miss when he nudged you and asked you if you agreed. But as soon as you realized, you decided you better just get the truth out there and do it now.

"I wouldn't know actually, kind of still a virgin." you answered, shrugging it off because in the grand scheme of things, it really didn't matter at all.

When Dawson nearly choked on his beer and Ron swallowed hard, fixing his eyes on you as he bit his lip and seemed to get lost in his own thoughts for a few seconds, you cleared your throat, speaking up to provide your own input, "But if I were picking a side here, yeah. I'd have to say I'd want quality over quantity. Nobody wants it to last all night when the guy doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, right?" you gave Dawson a pointed smirk as you said it, almost mocking him for his earlier statement about Ron and not being past the sniffing butts stage when it came to the ladies.

Dawson mimicked you before turning to face the front of the car again and once he had turned his back, you flipped him off.

Beside you, Ron was staring. You could feel his eyes as they fixed on you. Looking you up and down. Almost as if he were puzzled by what you'd admitted.

"A virgin, sweetheart?" Ron's breath was warm against your ear. A shiver passed through your body and you bit down on your lip as his hand settled on your bare thigh. Squeezing. Moving slowly up the insides and making you barely able to stop a whimper. You locked eyes with him and nodded, swallowing hard as you did so. Leaning in to whisper quietly, "It's not like it's a bad thing."

"Oh, it definitely ain't." Ron answered. His hand crept just a little higher. His breath caught in his throat and under the glow of a passing streetlamp shining through the back glass as the car passed beneath it, you could see the way his pupils were darkened. The way he licked his lips as he continued to fuck you with his eyes.

,, okay, since he's not weirded out..." your brain chimed in. And before you could stop yourself, you were whispering against the shell of his ear again, "But.. I'm looking to change that." as your hand drifted down, settling over the way he strained at his jeans already. He shifted around as covertly as possible, bucking himself against your hand. He panted against your ear in response, "You are, huh? Thinkin about anybody in particular, sweetheart? Because I know a guy..." he pulled away, tongue dragging slowly over his lips. Your breath caught in your throat because as he did this, his hand crept up the insides of your thighs even higher and settled palm down against soaked fabric. Squeezing your throbbing sex and almost making you moan as you rocked against his hand clumsily.

"You do, hm? What if I said you were the one I had in mind?" you ghosted your palm over the way his cock twitched, straining even tighter against his jeans.

He bit back a moan, just barely. Bucked himself upward against your moving hand. Managing to pant against the shell of your ear a frenzied warning. "When I get you alone, sweetheart... Fuck." as the movement of your palm over the bulge sped up clumsily.

"Stop the car, man!" Ron practically yelled it out at Pickford and Pickford slammed on the brakes next to a little yellow house. Very cookie cutter. Once the car was stopped, Ron was punching the back of Dawson's seat. "Lemme out, man. I, uh.. I forgot somethin in my room earlier. You wanna come in with me, princess?" he gazed back at you and you nodded. Your panties flooding all over again as the slick pooled and coated the insides of your thighs. Dawson got out to let Ron out and Ron leaned back into the car, scooping you out. Taking off at a laughing run towards the side of the house.

Putting your back against the side of the house as he stopped next to a window. His hands all over you and your legs circling his waist as his mouth dove against yours. Slowly. Deliberately. Kisses so deep that you almost forgot where you ended and he began, let alone remembering to breathe properly. Just when you were starting to get lightheaded, he broke the kiss, pulling away to stare at you.

The hunger in his eyes was something you'd never seen before. Ever. He bit his lip and nodded to the window. "I'm gonna have t' put you through my window, darlin. Don't wanna hear my ma bitchin..."

You nodded. Taking a shaky and deep breath. Your heart was racing. Your stomach was flipping and flopping lazily. You laughed softly, grabbing him by the chin and pulling his mouth back against yours. "Don't you want me, baby?"

"Fuck yeah." he chuckled into the kiss. After a few seconds, the two of you managed to tumble through his open bedroom window and the second you had, all bets were off. His hands were tugging your shirt up over your head and then they were all over you and you were trying to pull off his shirt as your back hit the mattress and he followed your body down. Propping on an elbow as he settled on his side beside you in the bed, staring down at you. In awe. Open adoration and desire.

"We're not makin it to the party tonight, darlin." and you whimpered at his words, taking a few deep breaths. "That's fine with me."

"I just really wanna take my time with you." he mumbled as he positioned himself between your legs, capturing both of your hands above your head in one of his own, his mouth crashing against yours, straying from it to ghost down your neck. Teeth scraping against skin. Tugging. Leaving little bites behind as he muttered huskily against it, "Fuck." and rocked himself right into you.

You raised one of your hands, shakily going for the button on his jeans and he rose up, slipping off the bed. Letting his jeans pool at his ankles. Giving his thick cock a pump or two as he stared down at you hungrily. Licking his lips real slow as he sank down. Working his way up your body, his hand disappearing between the two of you so he could work the buttons on your cut offs free. Tugging them down slowly, a smile playing at his lips when you came alive beneath him because the way he was touching you was all new and completely overwhelming to you. And he absolutely loved that thought.

He went for your bra next and by instinct, you threw your arms up. An attempt to cover yourself. He shook his head, reaching up to lower your arms. A throaty growl escaping his mouth as it dove against yours and his hands moved down to your hips. Hooking in the thin bands of your underwear. Working those down your lower body and marveling at how wet you were for him already. He raised your legs up to his shoulder and locked eyes with you.

"You're so fuckin pretty, angel. So fuckin pretty." his breath tickled your skin as his mouth worked up your leg. That thick tongue making you grip the blanket on his bed before he was even anywhere close to where you wanted him most. As soon as his eyes settled on your slickened thighs, he gazed up at you. Eyes filled with lust. When his tongue dragged over the inside of your thigh and you felt him stop.. sink his teeth into your skin to leave another mark behind, you reached down, fingers tangling in long dark hair. Trying to guide his mouth.

One of his hands settled on your hip and he rolled his tongue over your dripping center. Sucking in a breath and then exhaling. The way it felt cool against your skin had goosebumps forming over your body and he muttered lazily against your sex, "Fuck you're so wet. So fuckin wet. Kinda makes me wanna stay buried down here all night."

"Fuck." you moaned out, back arching away from the mattress as his tongue and fingers slipped into your tight hole, stretching you out. Getting you ready for everything he planned to do to you tonight.

As his tongue twisted and curled and kept the same pace as his fingers, you moaned. Struggled to breath on more than one occasion. Tried to remember that his mother was in the house and you had to at least try to be quiet.

But something told you that Ron Slater was about to make you staying quiet harder than you'd ever imagine...That tonight was going to be a very long and very fun night.

[pixieungerstories]

Quarantine -3

It would have been nice to have something other than the word of a shadow to go on.  I stared at the ceiling.  I wished I had a cat or a dog or - hell - a pet hamster.  Some other living thing in the house.  I had no idea what Nick was but I wasn’t entirely sure he counted as a living thing.

“Humans who don’t sleep start to hallucinate,”  I muttered to myself.  Maybe if I actually got some shut eye, I would wake up and this would all be a dream.  “Fuck it.”  I got undressed and crawled under the covers.  I settled under the covers, then realized I was facing the closet, so I rolled over.  Having the door in my blind spot wasn’t necessarily better.

“Nick?”  I wasn’t really expecting an answer.  “Can you move the bed to another room?”

“I can.  I don’t want to.  I like having you where I can see you.”

I nodded.  “I’ll go sit in the kitchen until dawn.”

“Go! To! Sleep!”

I jumped then started to shake.  “Yelling at me isn’t going to help me sleep,” I muttered.

The bedroom door slammed shut.  Rattling the door knob and pulling as hard as I could didn’t make it budge.  “Please don’t do this,” I whimpered, then I screamed as something brushed my face.

The door opened suddenly enough that I unbalanced and fell on my ass, but a moment later I was running down the stairs and out the front door.  I was at the gate before I knew what I was doing.

The cops were still right there.

“You need to go back inside ma’am!” the closest one called.  After that they were all looking at me.  

I paced for a moment, uncomfortably aware how odd I was behaving.  I needed to get out of here.  I needed a smoke.  I needed to stop acting weird before they decided I had killed my neighbours.

Oh god.  I was trapped in a house with a creature that probably killed the looters.

I didn’t want to face the idea that Nick was a killer.

“Ma’am!  Go inside!”

“I saw what happened on the news,” I explained.  “It’s giving me nightmares and I’ve been stuck in that house for more than a month.  I wasn’t expecting to be quarantined in a construction site.”

“Be that as it may, you need to go back inside,” the patrolman called.

“I’m more than six feet away from you.  Can’t I just stay out here near some other people and the street lights? Please?”

“You aren’t exactly dressed for the weather,” he pointed out.  

I crossed my arms over my chest as I realized I was standing on my lawn in my night dress.  I should go in and at least get my robe.  It was in the room with Nick’s closet.

I thought about just confessing to something so that I could go with them.  Prison wouldn’t have Nick.  Maybe I just needed a hospital.  No.  That was a death sentence these days.

He was driving me off.  He had flat out told me that he was good at that.

“Are you alright, ma’am?”

“No!” I snapped.  “I’m scared.”

He gave me a pitying look but still insisted, “You need to go inside now.  You will be safe in your house.”

I snorted, and swatted at the bugs that had found me.

“Go inside,” he said gently.  “The last thing you need is to catch something from the mosquitos.”

I nodded slowly and headed back in to sit in the kitchen.  Maybe he would let me make a pot of coffee.  When I got inside the lights in the kitchen was on and the bed was set up on the main floor.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“You’re welcome.  This is temporary.  You will sleep upstairs when the walls are repaired.

The next morning I got a phone call ordering me out into the garden as a forklift delivered a load of drywall.  It was left in the middle of the floor next to my bed.  I looked at it.   Nick’s voice was too close to my ear, “Someone will come hang in tomorrow.”

“How did you pay for this?”

“You have an excellent credit rating and you aren’t spending much of your money.”

“Great.  Did they say how long it would take?”

There was no answer to that.

“I guess drywallers wear masks all the time anyway,”  I mused.   “At least there will be some other people around.”

“Yes.”

I didn’t have walls the next day.  In fact things were worse as the last of the lath and plaster was taken down.  They found hundreds of razor blades in the wall in the bathroom.  The construction guys assured me that it was normal to find all kinds of weird things in the walls of old houses, but they still looked uncomfortable that it was razor blades and that some of them were more bloody than you would expect from a mere shaving accident.  I spent the night picking them up with tweezers and dropping them into a jar for safe disposal.  Nick didn’t say a word and the lights stayed on that night.

One half the team turned up the next day.  No one commented on why that was.

I ordered a hammock and a grill for the backyard.  I got the hammock but someone had changed the grill to a chiminea when I wasn’t looking.  It was nice, but I couldn’t cook on it.  My order had also been edited to include a bunch of bug repellant candles and some sunscreen.  I tried to figure out if that was something a shadow creature would actually do or was this another sign that I was losing my mind.

Either way, I worked on the concrete table out back at the very limit of the wifi during the day and concentrated on fixing up the yard after official work hours.

One of the drywallers sold me a patio umbrella.

I also got the lecture that just because the walls were up didn’t mean that it was safe to use the shower.  

“You still have to get a membrane installed and your tiles up and sealed,” the guy explained.

I nodded, “You don’t happen to know a tile guy that is still working?”

He frowned, “I’ll ask around.  Do you have tiles yet?”

“No,” I admitted.

“That might be the hard part.  You can still find a few guys willing to come out, but all the factories are shut down.”

“Shit.”

He gave me a look of sympathy.  “Yeah.  There are stories of people doing penny walls or using their grandma’s china to tile just so they have a working bathroom.”

“I don’t have either of those things,” I said sadly.

He nodded, “I’ll ask around.  It isn’t a big project and people might have some leftovers.”

Given how protective Nick was of the house I should have expected his warning.    I was still unimpressed to see “no ugly tile” written on the drywall in the morning.  Still, he could have used the last of my lipstick and instead had found a pencil somewhere.  I tried to ignore it as I brushed my teeth.  I didn’t even have a mirror over the sink.  Grumbling around the toothbrush I realized, “Fuck.  I’m the only person who could buy a haunted house where the ghost had been watching too much HGTV.”

That earned me a creepy house shaking laugh and proof that he hadn’t just left.

“It’s your fault,” he purred in my ear.  “You are the one who fell asleep all those nights with decorating shows playing on repeat on your computer.”

I sighed. “Yeah, it was,” I agreed sadly.  “If I hadn’t would you be haunting me right now?”

“If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have seen the value in what you are doing and I wouldn’t have spent a week keeping you alive when you got sick.  Perhaps you would have been haunting me.”

I frowned, “I wasn’t sick for a week!  It was only a couple of days!”

“You should check your calendar.  It was a couple of days of you being sick and a week of me forcing you to breathe.”

“There is no way I lost a week without noticing!”

He didn’t say anything.  When I checked my calendar there were nearly two weeks missing.  I told myself it didn’t mean anything.  Nick used my computer, he could have just deleted the information.  I could just call work or Penny or someone and ask how long I was away for.

I kind of didn’t want to.  What if he was telling the truth?

I took my coffee and toast and ate breakfast outside, once again wishing for a cigarette.  Nick had never left the house, as far as I knew, and I didn’t want to talk to him just then.  This was ridiculous!  Shadow monsters didn’t … do that!  They didn’t … exist.  I was just …  this wasn’t happening!

I was out of coffee and the coldness of the concrete bench was soaking through my night shirt and into my ass.  I had left the folded towel I used as a cushion inside overnight so it wouldn’t get damp.  Now I was cold and damp instead.  Fuck.

When I made it back to the kitchen, my laptop was open and had apparently been searching for bathroom tiles.  ‘Fine.  Whatever.  Pick something nice that I can afford.”

I don’t know what I was expecting him to do, but contacting a local stained glass artist wasn’t it.  I really wasn’t expecting her to check if it was OK if my boyfriend picked out the design since it was my credit card that was paying for it.

I was afraid to ask, but I had to know, “What did he pick?”

Nancy cleared her throat, “Well, originally he wanted a reproduction of a stained glass window from Maison Schott in France.  But when we talked about how complicated it would be for a tiler to install that, he settled on a simpler rose on trellis pattern.”

  I set down the phone to close my eyes and scrub my face.  “Do you like what he picked out?”  She seemed a little taken aback by the question.  “Yes?  It’s a little modern for your age of house, but it’s a nice piece and will be easy to install.  It mostly uses different textured white glass, so it would be in keeping with a white bathroom. I can have it ready next week.  I’m not exactly over run with work right now.”  She paused before she added, “I’ll send you some sketches and if there is anything you need changed, just let me know.  I could really use the income, to be honest.”

“Yeah.  I understand that.  I guess I’m just doing my part to keep the economy running.”

“I really appreciate that.   The whole ‘buy local’ movement ended when we weren’t allowed to leave our houses,”  Nancy pointed out.

“Ok.  Send me the sketches and the quote and I’ll get back to you in the next couple of days.”

I lay in bed that night and looked at the newly drywalled dining room ceiling.  “What are you doing, Nick?”

“Making a home for you,” he whispered.

“Can I even afford this?  You don’t have a secret money vault hidden in the walls with the razor blades, do you?”

There was a long moment of silence, then he whispered, “You could sell the wine instead of drinking it.”

I froze.  “Just because it’s old doesn’t mean that it’s valuable,” I pointed out.

Something caressed my calf as he purred his reply, “But it is.”

I closed my eyes and let my body melt into the mattress.   My breath caught in my throat as the touch moved up my leg.  As soon as I made the noise, the contact vanished.  I groaned.

“What are you doing?”

“Breaking the rules,” he grumbled from across the room.

I needed to know, “Why were there razor blades in the walls?”

“There was a slot in the back of the medicine cabinet for used razor blades to be dropped between the wall boards so that they were safe and wouldn’t hurt anyone in the trash.  That was perfectly normal at one point in history,” he explained.

I considered this, “Why were there bloody razor blades in the walls?”

He didn’t answer that one.  “Why haven’t you used your little toy since I cleaned it for you?”

Now it was my turn to be silent.

“You liked that toy,” he prompted.  “I liked watching you enjoy yourself.  Good for everyone.”

“That’s really creepy.  Can’t you just watch porn like a normal person?”

“Porn isn’t as satisfying,” he replied.  Then he added, “For either of us.  And I am not a normal person.”

“I noticed.”

“Would we have fucked by now if I was?”  he just sounded curious.  The vocal leer from a moment ago was gone.

“I would have had you arrested by now if you were.”

The low chuckle rumbled through the house at that.  I closed my eyes and he stroked my face.  “Let me watch,” he purred.  “I can feel how badly you want.”

That made my eyes snap open.  “What?”

“I can taste your fear, but also your pleasure.  I enjoyed watching you cum in a way that humans can not understand.  And I am very aware of your frustration.”

“What happens to my soul if a shadow … creature watches me play with myself?”

“It gets to live in a house with a happier guardian?” he suggested.

“A guardian?  Is that what you are?”

“Guardian sounds better than monster or eldritch god but that’s just semantics.”

“I’m pretty sure there is a difference,” I pointed out.

“Perhaps the difference is what I’m doing at the time.  And right now, I am guarding this house, taking care of you and hoping you will take care of yourself.”

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” I joked.   “I’m too damn tired!”  I thought for a moment, “I need more rules, Nick.”

“Like what?” he asked in a breathy hissing rasp that sounded pretty much like how I imagined a death rattle would sound.

“Well, there’s that,” I pointed out.  “Now I’m scared and I can’t see you so this is going to be another night of sitting up until I fall down.”

“You need to rest,” he murmured in a more normal voice for him.   It wasn’t human sounding, but it wasn’t deliberately scary.

I had already set up and was fumbling for a light switch. I shrieked when he caught my hand.  “Ugh! Look, either I get to sleep or you get to scare me, but you have to pick one.  And I can’t see when you are going to touch me, so it’s scary every time.  That’s why I asked you not to.  But if you can’t do that, can you at least tell me when it’s coming?”

“Would that really make it better if you knew I was going to lick my way up your back?”

“It would if I knew you would listen when I tell you not to.  This is about trust, Nick.  I don’t trust you.  I am already very aware of how vulnerable I am here.  You could easily lock me in the basement and wait for me to starve to death.  You could smother me with my pillow.  Hell, you could slice open an artery and hide the razor blade in the walls.”  I stopped abruptly, wondering if I was just giving him ideas.  “I can’t stop you and I can’t leave and I can’t trust you not to lock me in the bedroom because you think that will help me sleep.”  He let go of my hand.  I turned on the light and looked around the empty house.  “My head hurts and I don’t want to be afraid any more.”

“I have never done anything to hurt you, but I can see how I have done things that are frightening.”  It sounded like a whisper on the very edge of hearing.  “Turn out the light, lay down and I will rub your back until you can sleep.  I will do my very best not to be scary.”

I turned on my laptop as a source of light and sound before I turned off the light switch.  “I can’t believe I am saying this, but if you want this to be less scary for me, find me a nightlight.  I haven’t needed one since I was ten, but, congratulations, I do now.”

I felt the bed dip.  It didn’t always do that.  “I’m going to rub your back now,” he whispered. ���You can tell me to stop.”

“Ok,” I acknowledge.

It wasn’t a massage; it was more like a person petting a cat.  He started at the top of my head and stroked back to my waist, then stopped and started again.  It was vaguely soothing and I was really exhausted by then.  At some point in the night I woke to see a huge black shape hunched over my keyboard.

In the morning I had emails confirming my order of six cartoon animal night lights from IKEA and one from an auction house saying they would be happy to broker the sale of my wine and that they would send an expert to confirm its authenticity.  

I wondered how you forge wine.