#fuck Aurora that place is where dreams go to die

[p-oolshark]

Screaming crying throwing up and on the verge of ripping my hair out! 🥲

[silver-samurai]

[OC INTERVIEW: Eito "V"]

V: ...Are you a fucking badge?

Interviewer: No?

V: *scans* ...............I see. Go on if you must.

NICKNAME:

V will suffice. And, you may have heard of this... "Yurasaka" netrunner or som'thing? That's also me.

GENDER:

Technically cis male, but I don't care too much.

STAR SIGN:

I don't believe in star signs or shit like that, but if you really care that much, I'm a Libra - at least, this is what Misty told me.

HEIGHT:

Never checked and never cared about, but I must be taller than standard oriental people. I should ask Vik.

ORIENTATION:

Males only, better if bottom. Sorry ladies.

NATIONALITY/ ETHNICITY:

Pure-breed japanese, my parents were obsessed with this lineage. Guess I can also be considered half-american by now... Not that I like it.

FAVE FRUIT:

Bet you never heard of Hatsukoi no Kaori Ichigo. You can't find these randomly in the streets of course... Fuckin' rare and expensive, way more than regular fruits. Used to eat tons of these as a kid.

FAVE SEASON:

Between Autumn and Winter. Can't tell why I appreciate the vibe this much.

FAVE FLOWER:

There are too many, no clue. Anything, as long as it doesn't stink like hell.

FAVE SCENT:

Huh... Does the smell of new tech parts have a specific name?

Interviewer: Nope. Is it similar to a new car?

V: Kinda. I know it's a mix of gasses coming from the parts that have been treated, and expand a little over time with heat. Love it.

COFFEE, TEA, HOT CHOCOLATE:

Green tea in particular, but I do appreciate coffee. They can both be rich enough. No sugar of course.

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP:

Mh. 3 or 4, maybe...? Nah, must be less...

DOG OR CAT PERSON:

I have a cat, an old rockerboy and a fuckin' iguana if they both count as dogs.

Interviewer: ...Sorry but, this doesn't answer the question.

V: I know.

DREAM TRIP:

I know of places in north Europe where you can see aurorae... Looks so unreal, yet so fascinating, that I must see that with my own eyes.

FAVE FICTIONAL CHARACTER:

The terrorist in my head wasn't fictional, he'd be the one. Well, Japan has a pretty interesting folklore around youkai... mh. Is the Gashadokuro a "fictional" character?

NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH:

If Johnny counts, 4. If he doesn't, 2.

RANDOM FACT:

I have no idea where my parents were buried. I know that they died and how, but nothing more. I plan to find out, visit their tomb - 'cause I'm sure it's something too monumental to ignore, stare at their awful holo faces and spit on them wishing they can come alive in their damn coffins and die again. Just for the hell of it.

This was kinda funny alright :)

Tagging without pressure: @totentnz, @koda-shoulda-woulda-but-didnt, @vince-linder and anyone that'd like to do this!

[ezrisdax-archive]

fantasy high time loop. starstuck odyssey timeloop. LEVERAGE TIME LOOP

send me a fandom and I'll tell you how I'd do a time loop episode

God I’m trying to imagine the absolute chaos that would come from Brennan getting to do a time loop. Probably would take first place in the time loop list but okay, for this it’s just about the chaos.

Fantasy high

I mean it’s the bad kids, it’s always about the chaos but you know any one of them stuck in the loop would immediately do something stupid and get it reset. I also don’t think it would be possible to just do one kid stuck in a loop given the format so you would have to have all six. Adaine and Riz would be taking notes and seriously trying to break it while also Adaine would probably do things like call the others elves out and be like “this is your oracle speaking, shut up”. Riz would get distracted and use the time to also solve a mystery that’s been bugging him or something while also getting so anxious about the loop because what if it does have an end and that end is the end of the world.

Fabian, Kirsten, Fig, and Gorgug are more just going with the flow. Like Gorgug would either be helping Adaine and Riz or using the time to get to know his dad more. Fig would be making new songs and testing them out and also taking advantage of the time to take Ayda places except I could see her getting frustrated in partway because Ayda doesn’t remember the dates from before since she’s not in the loop. Kirsten is out there trolling as many people as she can and def pretends at some point cause she can tell what they’re about to say that she’s the new elven oracle which Adaine ??? “you’re not even an elf but also okay, please take my job.” Fabian is unraveling the patriarchy within himself still and also just using the time like it’s a vacation (“Oh my god, Fabian, this isn’t a vacation, we can die from this.” “We’ll just reset Riz, relax”)

Starstruck Odyssey

Even more fucking chaos. No one knows how to fix it. At one point they accidentally blow up the whole universe. Margaret has a breakdown because her calendar function is made useless on her planner until she decides that this is fine actually and calls Lucienne every loop. Skip once takes over Aurora Nebbins body for ?? reasons. Sidney keeps starting a robot revolution. Barry somehow never realizes it’s a loop. Riva knows it’s a loop but doesn’t see it as a problem. Gunthrie uses this to make bets and get a big cash sell out cause the ball is rolling up.

Does it get fixed? Maybe. We just don’t know.

Leverage

100% it’s Eliot stuck in the loop and he blames Hardison. Hardison automatically believes Eliot is in a loop every time and is god damn delighted. He keeps asking which type of loop it is and making Eliot watch various episodes of things to get comparisons.

One loop has Eliot perfectly plan out the con they need to do on the bad guy they were working on and Nate believes it’s a loop after that happens but of course it resets.

Sophie thinks it’s the universe telling Eliot he needs to work on something in his life. (“Have you tried acting? With your eyes you’d make a very….intense version of Puck in a Midsummer Night’s Dream.” “Hardison fix this.” “Eliot where are you going?”) She’s also the one he goes to when he needs to complain about the loop though every time.

Parker’s response is “This doesn’t happen to everyone? Hunh.” And then walking away. Eliot doesn’t want to know.

He also proves that Hardison ate his damn sandwich.

“You owe me Hardison so fix this.” “Damn, I’m not a physics major, you’re the one who’s in this. You know what might help?” “I’m not watching the TNG episode again, dammit Hardison.”

The loop just breaks at some point. Eliot isn’t convinced it wasn’t Parker’s doing now.

He still blames Hardison.

[ffangirlingsince2001]

Nothing Alike: II

Description: Geralt of Rivia has been tasked with taking out a fellow Witcher who has decided to settle down in a town. She has no intention of leaving and Geralt is forced to take matters into his own hands.

Geralt x Reader

Warnings: (future as well as present) violence, angst, smut, fluff, language

A/N: Is that a backstory and angst I smell??

Masterlist

Geralt was enjoying the spring afternoon when she started yelling at him…or at least she tried.

“Ah you’re awake,” he replied to her gagged screams. She was squirming behind him, probably trying to get out of the well placed knots he had tied to ensure she wouldn’t get away when she did finally wake up. He noticed Roach getting restless, annoyed both with the extra passenger and her lack of manners, so Geralt gave her a little shove, sending her toppling to the ground. She hit the ground with a thud and flipped over to glare at him.

If she hadn’t been mad before, she definitely was now. In the fall her gag had come lose and now he was being subject to ever single word she had to say. So much for enjoying the afternoon.

“I should fucking kill you, you fucking coward. Where do you get off kidnapping me?” she howled, struggling against the binds. When she failed, dangerous eyes flashed at him and she snarled. “Let me go now, and I promise I won’t kill you.”

“You’re not really in the position for bargaining.”

“Yet.”

“Say I let you go, what then?”

“I’ll join a convent and repent and pray to God every day,” she began before bursting into laughter and laying in the grass. “I thought I could say it, but even your horse knew that was horse shit, I’m going to go back to where I came from and make some money.”

“Then I can’t let you go.”

“What’s it to you anyways?”

“People already don’t trust Witchers, it’s not going to get any better if word gets around that one is robbing a town of its money.”

“I won it fair and square, no robbery required.”

“Of course, fair and square, with nothing but a genetic mutation on your side.” She sent him another glare, trying to subtly slide the ropes from her legs. “If you try running, I’ll catch you.”

“Oh please, last time you got lucky.”

“No, you underestimated me.”

“Well when you look like that I’m not exactly wowed,” she sneered.

“You talk big game for being the one tied.”

“You think this is the first time I’ve been tied up, c’mon being the only female Witcher who isn’t dying through the trials is sure to make me some enemies. Don’t worry, I took care of them.”

“The only female Witcher?”

“Oh, you haven’t been keeping up with your old school I see. We’re kind of a new idea, most of us die off, actually all of us died off, except me, I lived out of spite. And now I’m being harassed by another Witcher who thinks he’s got some holy purpose, well it turns out you don’t. Go, do whatever you want, stop killing monsters and make a good life for yourself, but before you do all that untie me.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” she growled, struggling with the knots a little more frantically now.

“They hired me to get rid of you, if I let you go you’ll just go back, and then they’ve wrongfully paid me, plus they think you’re dead.”

“They think I’m what?” she yelled.

“Dead, I told them you were.”

“Then why aren’t I?”

“Do you want to be?”

“Anything is better than being babysat by some holier-than-thou, thousand-year-old, Witcher who wouldn’t know how to have fun if it sprouted out of his big toe.” Geralt closed his eyes and took a deep breath, considering if he should have killed her in that alley. “Why do you want me around anyway?” His anger fizzled away for a moment at that question. It sounded just as biting as the rest, but something else had slithered into her tone, a sliver of self-deprecation perhaps? And it made him think, why did he take her, why when she was nothing but agony in his side did he bother bringing her with him.

“Because I want to know you,” he said and she snorted. She was laughing at him without a care in the world.

“Why on earth would you want to know me.”

“Consider it a study, you’re the first witcher I’ve met who didn’t go right to work, who didn’t take the weight of the world upon yourself and work yourself into nothing but blood and rust mixing with the dirt.”

“Thank you.”

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

“Maybe not to you, but all I heard was, a witcher who knows how to enjoy life.” He snarled and she laughed. “If you’re going to study me you should probably untie me.”

“How about you answer some of my questions and then I untie you.” She considered it for a moment, weighing the pros and cons before she brightened with a grin.

“I’m an open book.” He climbed off his horse and ungracefully pulled her over to a boulder, perching her on top of it. He tied Roach to a tree and took a seat on his own stump.

“How long have you been out of the academy?”

“A couple weeks.”

“How old are you?”

“Geralt, you’re never supposed to ask a woman her age,” she teased, ignoring the annoyed look he sent her. “22, in real time.”

“Young to be a Witcher.”

“Like I said, I’m special,” she sneered.

“What do you mean by special.”

“Fuck if I know, that’s just what they told me.”

“Do you have a guess.”

“A few.”

“Are you going to share?”

“Are you going to make me?”

“No.”

“Then I think I would like to keep it to myself.” He nodded sharply before continuing.

“How long were you in that town.”

“The moment they let me go.”

“Did you try to leave before then.”

“Yes.”

“Where did you go?”

“How do you know I succeeded?”

“The scars above your collar.”  Subconsciously, she raised her shoulders, shifting her collar to cover the pink scars.

“They’re not from escaping, they did other things for escaping, but I tried to go home. I thought I could go back to living with my mother after she sold me out. Guess I was wrong, she sold me out again and got another purse of gold for her trouble. Then they locked me in a box, told me what being caged really felt like.”

“What are the scars from?”

“Various other incidents.”

“So, you were a regular problem then?”

“Of course.”

“Anything in particular stand out?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean any crimes that were really heinous.”

“I killed an instructor once, it was an accident but it still happened.” Geralt didn’t continue for a moment, reading the look of regret on her face. She smiled at him, almost exhausted, praying that he wouldn’t ask her to discuss it further.

“What about the boys at school, did they torment you?”

“All the time, I got used to it.”

“How bad did it get?”

“One time they cornered me late at night, held a knife to my throat and dragged me to the window. They wanted me to admit I was a whore, that I was sleeping with our instructors. I wouldn’t say it though, they threatened me for what seemed like hours, pushing me just a little too far before yanking me back inside, letting my feet slip against the windowsill. They wanted me to beg and scream for help.”

“Did you say it?”

“No.”

“And what happened?”

“They dropped me. I thought I was as good as dead, but I refused to scream, even on the way down. I hit a snow drift and walked away unscathed. They thought I would leave that night so I am pleased to say they were shocked to see me walk in the next day ready to fight.”

“Did you tell anyone?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“If I had told someone they would know exactly who shoved him down the stairs two nights later. His nose is still busted, well was.”

“Was?”

“He was one of the lucky fellows who tried to get rid of me before you came along. He’s the only one it was a pleasure to kill.”

“How many did you kill?”

“Five.” Geralt clenched his fists, she had killed five witchers, more than any monster or mage could claim and he was allowing her to live. Why was he letting her live? “Any other questions?”

“How did you feel when you killed them?”

“Terrible. I buried them, gave each of them a proper burial, except my tormentor of course. I tried to get them to leave me alone, to leave but they just wouldn’t go away. I begged them yknow, pleaded while they tried to kill me. I just wanted to be free but they saw nothing but my blood on their silver bladed sword. Until you came along of course.” He stayed silent, watching her shifting in her bindings.

“Why don’t you want to be a witcher?”

“It was an accident I became one, a curse from God. I should have died, they were willing to let me die. I’m not going to come close to death because of them ever again, not the school, the King, or God himself can make me.”

“What about me.” She glanced at him and grinned but said nothing. He reached over and sliced her bindings with the knife she had stabbed him with the day prior. “Don’t run off, we’re heading towards the moors tomorrow.”

 She was gone the next morning.

Taglist: @stuckupstucky​ @aurora-sweet​ @holyhumorliteraturelight​ @dreams-of-sunlight-and-starfire​

[zodiyack]

Under Stars

Requested by anon: Hi, my love! I have a request where Y/N take the bullets instead of John. Like, she put herself in front of him allowing him to kill those men. She sees herself alone, since Thomas is married, Arthur has Linda and everyone is kinda moving on with their lives. After discussions (which makes her fell alone and useless) , Y/N sacrifices herself for John and his happinness, saying before she dies something like "I want you all to be happy". Sorry if u already made something like that + (Addition to their request)

Pairing: Shelby Family & Gray Family + Shelby!reader (no romance)

Warnings: Death, angst, murder, mention of depression, sad soft stuffs

Note: TITLE IS INSPIRED BY AURORA’S “UNDER STARS” FOR THE MEANING OF THE SONG WHICH CAN BE FOUND HERE  K BYE I’M SORRY! Also; extra bit at the end, I added it cause the title, I hope it’s okie! I cried while writing this oml

Taglist: @matth1w​ @redspaceace​

masterlist | Peaky Blinders Masterlist

“Got nothin’ better to do on Christmas morning?” John put down his gun when he realized it was only Michael.

“Tommy wants everybody at Charlie’s yard now, come on.” Michael gave a slight tilt of his head. Y/n creeped out next to John, hair messed up from her nieces’ and nephews’ game of climbing on their aunt human-sized-jungle gym the previous night. They sure were excited hear that their aunt would be staying for Christmas.

He turned, pushing his dog into the house and trying to close the door so they could get going. “Get in. Get in!” They walked around, “What’s going to happen? It’s fucking Christmas.”

“Look John, we don’t have time for this.”

“Alright, just come into the house.” Michael interrupted him, “Just come to the meeting-” but he continued like Michael never even spoke. “Have some food”

Esme rushed to the door, pushing John aside when he opened it, despite his “ey”s, and stomped over to Michael. She got extremely close to his face and angerly spat out her take on the situation, “Tell Tommy Shelby we can look after ourselves!”

However, Michael remained calm. “Tommy says they could come for us today, Esme-”

“’Tommy says’,” she turned to John and Y/n, repeating her mimic, “‘Tommy says’,” turning back to Michael, she released the same anger, “Are you his fucking parrot?!”

“Look, it’s the mafia! Alright? This is the New York mafia we’re talking about!”

“And we’re the Peaky fucking Blinders.” John stated, gun slung over his shoulder.

“No, we’re not, John! We’re not the Peaky fucking Blinders unless we’re together!”

Esme stepped closer to Michael, “You were together in the gallows, with one man missing.”

Michael took a second, then ignored Esme and returned to his calmed state. “John. John, come to the meeting. All right? Think about the kids.” John’s gaze began to move, as did his body when Esme turned to see his reaction, “Come to the meeting, and if you want to leave, then fine.”

“No. It’s Christmas day. We have a family now, we’re staying at home!” Esme shouted. Michael looked to Y/n with a pleading raise of his eyebrows. She closed her eyes and shook her head with shrug, there wasn’t much she could do to change Esme’s mind.

A man pushed over a hay bale, vaulting over it and readying his gun.

John, already facing the direction of the cart, did the same, cocking his gun and yelling to Esme and his sister. “In the fucking house!”

Michael lifted his head, noticing the man and cart. “Esme-” More men jumped out. Michael recognized the cart, which he had passed on the way here. The honking of his car’s horn as he rushed, a form of pleading for it to move out of his way.

John fired at them, hitting a hay bale but missing the men. “John!” Michael pushed Esme inside and tossed a gun to his cousin, who ran beside her brother in an attempt to help. She quickly realized her brother’s mistake in the choice of his gun. He was quick to shoot again, but the men were quick to shoot back, weapons faster than his shot gun.

Esme halted behind the door, glancing to the siblings with fear. No. It couldn’t be. It pained her just much as it would had it been the other Shelby. It wasn’t John, though he had been in the front, it was his sister. She pushed herself in front of her brother. Unknown to anyone but her, her mind flashed with thoughts of her family, of John’s family. Of Charlie and her other nieces and nephews. Of her mother.

The bullets hit her in repetition, over and over and over again. The bullets from the mafia continued hitting her stomach and chest leaving bloodied holes in her clothing and body. Time felt like it was moving in slow motion.

Y/n felt nothing but content. Peaceful. Free.

The violent scene resumed around her soon-to-be-lifeless body as she dropped to the ground. Michael was hit with a bullet, not enough to kill him, but grazing him just right, just enough, to make him drop to the ground as well, dragging John down with him.

A peaceful moment. Though she now lie hanging onto life as tight as she could, maybe just to say goodbye, she felt peaceful. A smile found it’s way onto her face, the shock and pain got to her, a dreamy look filled her eyes.

She could hear Esme’s painful screams, the agony and sorrow dripping from her throat. She felt John lift her head onto his lap and his tears drip onto her face. His face was red, nose snotty and eyes puffy as he cried for her to hold on. As he cried and told her that they’d find someone who could help. As he told her that they would kill the mafia for what they did to his sister.

“J-John.” She coughed up blood. Her head twitched slightly as John’s hand caressed her cheek, Esme and Michael now kneeling over her body as well. Y/n’s eyes scanned Michael’s wounds, to which he gave her a look. A look that read regret and possibly a message of “now’s not the time”.

“Take c-care of Esme and y-your kids. Tell them I-I love them. Tell all of our fam-family I l-love them.” She smiled up at his teary face, blood coating her teeth and spilling out of her mouth a bit. “I want you all to be happy.” 

With that last sentence, her eyes stopped acknowledging their presences and flicked up to the sky. A final breath left her mouth and her head lolled limp on his lap. His thumb, still stroking her cheek, felt the warmth leave her body, slowly being replaced with a dreadfully-familiar cold. The cold of the dead. 

His sister now lied dead in his lap, a smile still upon her face, no hint of regret anywhere. Esme clung to him once she processed Y/n’s passing. The way she shoved herself in front of her brother so carelessly, like she wanted it to happen. She thought of the way Y/n had been hesitant to join them or Tommy and Grace, or really any of the couples of the family, when they went places.

Before Y/n passed, when she was looking to the heavens, her mind showed her a sight. She stood before her mother, who was smiling and well in the afterlife. Y/n couldn’t think of anything else, but joining her. Her mother moved to the side, showing her more of what she could join in on. 

She knew all three of the women in front of her. Grace talked with John’s dead wife, both of them smiling at Y/n and eagerly beckoning her over to them. Her mum slowly moved her hand, welcoming Y/n to the paradise. 

So, she grabbed onto her mother’s extended hand and greeted her new company.

. . .

“Go fuck those bastards responsible!” Polly sobbed a yell at Tommy, returning to her place over Y/n’s body, brushing her hair from her face. Her lifeless body was brought to the family and chaos ensued.

Tommy grabbed handfuls of his hair and tugged while yelling until his face turned red upon the discovery of his dead sibling. Arthur threw items, flipped tables, and let the cries of agony escape him just as Tommy had. The rest of the family had pretty similar reactions, aside from Ada.

Her eyes were greeted with the sight of her sister, bloodied up and dead. Her hand darted to her mouth, tears spilled from her eyes, her legs moved to Y/n’s side before she could think of the action. Whimpers and small croaks of screams left her mouth muffled.

They knew one of them were likely to die at some point. They wouldn’t have handled that well either. But. Their sister? The kind and cheery one of the bunch. The one who hid her tough shield behind her forgiving smile? No one thought she’d be the first to leave the living.

Her depression was known, and her family helped her care for it, helped make her happy and let her know how much they loved her. They tried their hardest, and her thoughts of suicide were gifted to her in a disguise of murder. But why?

Why her?

“It should’ve been me...”

“Don’t say that John...she wanted you alive...”

“It should’ve though...” Pangs of guilt were sent straight to not just his heart, but his brothers’. His sister’s. His aunt’s. His wife’s. His cousin’s. They felt guilty for what had been done, the murder of Y/n was no one of the Peaky Blinder’s fault, but everyone still blamed themselves.

. . .

John and Esme cuddled into each other by the fire, no words being spoken, their hearts heavy and eyes watery. One of John’s children walked up to them, rubbing their puffy red eyes that matched their parents’ and tilting their head at their father.

“Are you crying cause you miss Auntie? Don’t worry, she’s just sleeping. Under those stars outside my window. She’s.. she has only fallen asleep.”

“What?”

“Auntie. She’s only fallen asleep. And when God says it’s time, he’ll wake her up.” The little boy climbed onto the sofa. “I hope she’s dreaming of me. What about you, mummy?”

Esme’s mouth had dropped in shock from the sentence. “I-I- uh yeah... I do too, my love. I think she’s dreaming of you, for sure. I- I think she’s dreaming of you, me, daddy, all of us.”

“I hope she has a good sleep. Speaking of sleep, can you tuck me in? Aunt Y/n did it a special way...I miss it when she tucked me in.” John and Esme’s hearts ached at the sight of their child, eyebrows scrunched in thought before he jumped up and his face filled with joy. “Maybe when she wakes up she can tuck me in again!”

“Of course sweetie...” Esme’s voice cracked with sadness laced through her words and smile. “Time for bed, dearest... Wanna show mummy and daddy how Auntie used to tuck you in?”

The boy beamed with happiness, nodding eagerly at the idea. “Mhm!” He grabbed his parent’s arms and pulled them into his room, telling them instructions. After he finished, they sat on his bed with him, their tears breaking free at his final sentences before he kissed them goodnight;

“Goodnight Y/n! I hope you wake up soon, we miss you! Sleep well and dream good dreams of me under those stars of yours!”

[bookish-mind]

I read call down the hawk, here’s my aching heart:

*spoilers*

(I wasn’t planning on making a long post about this book but I couldn’t help myself, I had too much to say and I needed a place to scream about pynch)

“This is going to be a story about the Lynch brothers” I knew that already so why am I crying, already, the first line and I’m crying

It mentioned Ronan living somewhere other than the barns after Niall died and I’m just here like,, you can say Monmouth it’s ok

“Adam Parrish was the destination of this road trip” and “Ronan missed him like a lung” my heart my heart my heart

“the guy he loved” PLEASE

Ronan Lynch upon seeing Adam Parrish for the first time: *literally prays*

I see the obsession with Adam’s hands goes way back

“Funny how quickly a handful of weeks could render something unrecognizable” I know ronan was talking about the weather/the campus but my stomach dropped pls this better not be pynch foreshadowing

Their reunion was so chaotic I’d expect nothing else tbh

The watch keeps track of Ronan’s time zone I can’t-

“He was with Adam, and Adam still loved him” PLS THE USE OF THE L WORD KILLS ME EVERY TIME

“there was burnished Gansey, who might not have saved Ronan’s life in high school, but at the very least kept it mostly out of Ronan’s reach so that he could not take it down and break it” this line bothers me bc gansey literally did save Ronan’s life that was the whole godamn point 🙃

Objectively I understand that the crying club are probly decent ppl but subjectively they ain’t no gangsey that’s for sure

“he longed for him even while holding him” pls the yearning,, it’s too much for my frail heart

Bryde needs to gtfo of Ronan’s head is what need to happen

Who is lindenmere I only know Cabeswater

Ronan is crying I’m crying we’re all crying

It breaks my heart that Ronan is still yearning for something more while the rest of the gangsey are out there living

Gansey is chained to a tree in Oregon, seems legit

Chainsaw knows how to say “Atom” I’m fucking crying

“What, Declan? I’m trying to fucking tow a cow” I love this book

Matthew be like “I’ve been staring at the edge of the water long as I can remember never really knowing why”

I literally had a headcanon that Ronan says I love u to Adam in Latin

“He sucked in more longing with every inhale, he exhaled some of his happiness on the other side” this godamn book I swear 😩

“dreamt of you” AGSHSJAK

Oof I kinda love Parsifal all he wants to do is eat some bienenstich made by his momma

Wait wait wait these Niall and aurora doppelgängers are confusing me

“I saved your life because I love you” HE SAID IT OUT LOUD ! HE SAID IT ! IT HAS BEEN SAID

I know it’s common knowledge at this point that they are in an established loving relationship but it hits me the same every time I’m reminded

“It was possible no two students at aglionby had ever come away with such a thorough understanding of Latin (or, possibly, of each other)” I have no words

Declan Lynch falling in love with a dream? More likely than you’d think

Man I hope at the end of all this Declan gets to punch a judge and go somewhere to live and breathe art for the rest of his life

This whole dreamers are born to die young theme is stressing me out

“Ronan, I know you” literally everything they say to each other knocks the air out of my lungs

“They hugged again, merrily, waltzing messily in the kitchen, and kissed, merrily, waltzing more” brb if you need me I’ll be reading this line over and over again for the rest of eternity

Two things: 1) gansey left his mint plant for Ronan to take care of 2) ronan dreamed a literal sun to keep the plant alive when he could have just as easily put it by a window like a normal person that’s the cutest bro shit I’ve ever seen

“Adam stopped breathing” please stiefvater imagine how tired we are

Also where tf is opal I miss the lil weirdo

“he missed him acutely even as he was looking at him” it’s too much,, it’s all too much

Oh hell ya Ronan and Jordan/Hennessy/all the other girls finally met I been waiting for this one

Waaait is the dark lady seashore niall’s dream space like Cabeswater/lindenmere is Ronan’s ??

Oh Matthew, my sweet boy, he figured out he’s a dream

Jordan. Is. Painting. Declan. I. Can’t. Breathe.

Oh damn ok so the lace is trynna get out and destroy the world ? Is that it ?

Matthew asking “Do I have a soul?” broke me

Matthew said “I’m the fake brother” and Declan uno reversed that shit so fast

Alright lindenmere I see you I see you but the thing is.. I miss my girl Cabeswater

OPAL FINALLY

“He didn’t have it in him to love another dream. It hurt too bad. Loving anything did” ouch :(

Fuck fuck fuck this is the part where chaos erupts

Damn those sundogs are cool af tho

I swear I didn’t breathe until I knew Matthew and Declan were alive holy shit

Declan thinking “The world was broken” and “I never actually lived” </3

Let Ronan and Declan hug each other challenge

Adam Parrish please pick up the goddamn phone I am begging you

The way Hennessy is so in awe that Ronan has complete trust of lindenmere/his subconscious made me ache bc it took a helluva lot for him to get to this point

“Hennessy?” “Lynch.” “I’ve been alone a long time” excuse me I’m gonna need a minute-

The way Ronan describes what the lace is to him,, I’m fucking sobbing

Hennessy and Ronan’s swords are badass

I still don’t trust bryde but he got them out of there so points to him I guess :/

Where’s book 2 I need book 2

[stargazerinmoksha]

be unapologetic, you asked that of me. so with every ounce of my raw honesty, i am all that i am. the sadness occasionally gnawing out of my veins and onto the page, written words inside of my handcrafted tears. i am just a moment, it’s my favorite phrase, my favorite truth. i’m not supposed to even be here, i’m not supposed to be sitting here and writing this. you asked for my truths, how could i sit there and lie to you? as if you wouldn’t immediately find out. i’ve never lied to you and said that i was perfect. i create enough space inside of my heart for you to thrive, even on your absolutely most outrageous days— i gave nothing, but love and laughter to you. i would never ask you to return that favor, but didn’t we have a mutual understanding? i don’t know where i went wrong and i won’t apologize for something that i firmly believe in. all of my love inside of poems, all of my thoughts inside of my brain, all of these words flowing out of my fingertips. i think there’s something wrong with my heart, i think there’s something wrong with the way that i love people. maybe i give too much, maybe i give too much undivided attention, maybe i should’ve just let you have your week. i’ve never been one to shelter my thoughts, i love you. every single last piece of who i was before i was given my birth name, before my mother created my eyes, hands, lips, toes, legs and organs, before i took my first breath and my soul got to know true freedom from the womb, before they split our soul into two bodies and making it back to you finally made sense to me, i loved you with all of those pieces. i still love you with all of it. you said it many times, “i see you.” have i ever asked anything from you that would dishonor you or bring you shame? i’ve never made you feel suffocated, have i? i swear that i pray now more than ever because of you. they say that people find their faith when they’re at their lowest point, but i found mine when i was at my highest. if i can’t love you at your worst, darling, i don’t deserve you at your best. it took everything out of me to not look at you, not like i’d see much, i’m blind as shit haha. it took everything out of me to not write to you, i’ve never not written to you. it took everything out of me to not run up and speak to you because i’ve never been afraid of our conversations. i love the way your mind works and how it’s always everywhere, just like mine. i love that you’re a raging sea with calm and gentle waves. i love that you’re a fiery spirit with loyal tendencies that speaks to me spiritually. you always tell me to never make excuses, so i won’t. i don’t know how to not look at you like you gave the petals upon tender gardens purpose to soak in the sun. i don’t know how to not talk to you like this conversation will be my last, so i stutter and just never shut up. i don’t know how to not write to you because after all of these years of not knowing what it was to meet yourself inside of someone, i met you and by loving you, i’ve found more things to love about myself. you tell me to not let you get quiet, but i will make no excuses. i will never apologize for something that i did right. it would to against my core values and beliefs. i would not be the soul that you love if i wavered, even if it’s just for a moment. not even for you. you tell me to believe in myself, to have confidence, to always stick up for myself, to always have faith in love and kindness even if you can’t spare some for yourself most days. i know you’re running kind of thin and you’re hurting. i don’t know what tomorrow holds for me in a those hands, but i do know about right now. i could die tomorrow and if writing this to you is my last thing, it wouldn’t be so bad. i’ve made peace with my life, my death, my mistakes, my rights, my longings and my quest to understand myself as a spiritual being having a very human experience. maybe you’re pushing me away as to not be hurt once i am no longer around. maybe you don’t have the heart to hear the sound of my voice anymore. my happy frequency inside of such strong hands—

my aurora borealis doesn’t ask twice when she gets angry, she just does things. i know that i may have said the wrong thing, but don’t ask for my truths and my honesty if you’re not going to talk to me anymore. you tell me that you are no longer my concern and the truth is that’s a lie. from the moment god placed you in front of me, you are all i’ve truly been concerned about. as i to you. you can sit there and tell yourself whatever it is that you want, but i’ve never shied away from loving you, from telling you the truth because you have always given that to me. all of the reasons as to why i’m writing this, all of the reasons as to why i won’t give up on you. because giving up on our connection is like giving up on myself and i have done that before, i no longer live that. i choose to be present in my life. i have always answered to the sun and asked for the moon’s hand— i have spent my mornings praying for safer nights. i have never met myself inside of another, i have never felt like my reflection could make me cry, but when i think about the life that we won’t be able to spend together in this one, it does make me sad. but isn’t that the best part? our friendship isn’t defined by something as simple as forever and always. it’s far more like a cosmic knocking asking for my stars and galaxies to be seen inside of my poetry. you once asked me why i loved you so much. why i did anything for you. why i was always there for you. because my best friend has a soul just like mine. you don’t need to feel beautiful or sound intelligent to be as such. you just need to be yourself. even if you’re hurting, i accept you. even if you’re cold, i accept you. even if you’re sick, i accept you. even if you’re broke, i accept you. even if you push me away, i accept you. even if you no longer love me, i accept you. i see you. i see you as much as you have always seen me. my sweet orange one with her longing gaze, i hope that you’re sleeping well. all of my wishes and prayers have always been filled with good intent for you. i know the days are long and you just want to feel something. i know the days are full of questions and your mind is does wander— i know you wonder if you’re even supposed to be here at all. i know your life isn’t perfect and love hasn’t been kind to you. you tell me that i am your most healthy and stable relationship and i have never thought anything less about you. i don’t know if your legs are rocking itself to sleep or if you’re alone again. i don’t know if you’re hurting about everything and just want to be left alone, but i won’t let you go quiet on me. you’re right. i love you too fucking much. i won’t apologize for loving you in that way. you’re me. you’re who i was before i got my birth name. you’re who i still am after my soul was split into two. my dear orange, i hope you wake up with a smile and read this knowing that i will always love you. i’m not going anywhere and i’m not leaving. i can’t. you’re all that i am. you really are. for all of the things we didn’t say last night, i’ll say it for us. i won’t be letting you go, i create all of this space for you to thrive. i create space for you to breathe. i create space for you to love. i hope your legs successfully sent you into a deep sleep that brought about beautiful dreams. i don’t need my chakras to be in excess or to be too low— so i’ll let you know, my third eye has always known that i can’t just let things be as it is. i’m here. you know where how to reach me. i just wanted you to know that much about me— when i love, i love with everything. and everything to me is that smile, so even if you don’t talk to me today, i hope that you’re smiling and laughing loudly. thank you for reading. i love you.

—you’re my quest.

[effei-s]

aurora, aurora, aurora.

First and foremost: dear @alwaysreading I’m so sorry that it took me so long. My chaotic ass just won’t ever let me get things done quickly and that’s why I can’t have nice things (c).

(it’s like…. looooong and i’m hoping it’s gonna be interesting).  

Aurora Aurora Aurora, the love of his life (and mine) and the baddest bitch in the house (she’s aries and entj, that alone says a lot).

let’s start with the question: yes, she knew about him marring someone else and about Aaron. i’m gonna be a lazy bitch here and copypaste part from my ff:  

There was a mother-in-law, obsessed with public opinion, who liked to pry and snoop around (and the private detectives she hired, whom he fed to a school of large barracudas at the Gulf of Mexico). And there was the truth that still surfaced, no matter how careful he was. Untimely. Ugly. It left him with an empty house, a short note “please, return to your real family,” and an endless year of solitude.

And now my favorite part: HEADCANONS!

headcanon 1: they’ve met when they were teenagers. I know in mafi’s world people are very indifferent to children’s suffering (Anderson can beat the shit out of Adam in broad daylight almost on the school’s porch and no one would bate an eye; Juliette can go around covered in bruises and no teacher would ever question it), but I prefer a little bit more realistic approach. So when a mother forces fucking BLEACH down child’s throat I expect that that child would be taken away from her.

What i’m trying to say is that Rori and him were in the system (foster care, in the same family, but Aurora was there first; age 14 maybe 15; he probably changed a few different homes, and then he saw her and decided to stay). They started as friends (and that was probably the first real emotional bond he had). And they both were troublemakers. Anderson because he’s… Anderson (whispers; a sociopath and he hates school). And Aurora because she’s walking “I take no bullshit” sign. And sometimes, when people annoy her too much, she tends to break their noses (but her marks are still excellent). So both of them had detentions and suspensions in school, but unlike Anderson Aurora never had any REAL TROUBLES with the police. In their tandem she’s the smart one. And then (at the age of 18) they parted their ways for three years. He went in the army (because it was the easiest choice), she went to college (BA in art conservation in States). Then they’ve met again, started dating, she decided to get a master’s degree in Europe (Switzerland I’d say or Netherlands) and became a full-time art conservator (she’s very passionate about preserving cultural heritage, can you see the conflict here?) and around that time Anderson was introduced to the reestablishment concept.    

here’s the thing, their relationships were always “long-distance thing” (long before he married Leila) and both of them were perfectly fine with this. There was no “i’m gonna die if you’re not near me 24/7” bullshit. There was no “I love you” 35 times a day and holding hands. They just… knew that they love each other and it was enough.

This is probably the reason why I love them together so much: they’re two very strong-willed, stubborn and completely independent people (in this house we hate codependent relationships). They have lives and dreams and goals outside each other (and that’s the reason why they never married in the first place: marriage is a relic of the past, that weird thing for other people).

(of course it backfired at her, badly, he betrayed her trust, he broke her heart; but, trust me, if someone told her that in order to have him only for herself she had to be near him all the time and had to give up her dreams for MA and Ph.D., Rori would say goodbye to him and never look back, no matter how painful it’d be. She loves him, she does, but she loves herself more.)  

Headcanon 2: kids and independence. She won’t make sacrifices for him, but she would make them for her kids. And yes Adam is HER KID. AND HERS ONLY. And the same goes for James. I see how you can catch this “it was one-sided and she didn’t really had a choice” vibe from books. Her sneaking food in secret, him showing anger at the sign of Adam(???). I love @cyanidesouffle interpretation of this: that Cat loved him and hoped that sooner or later he’s gonna come to his senses. Lose the battle, win the war, as the saying go. But if we’re talking only about canon, i’m really not a fan of Anderson who can walk in and out and wreck havoc in HER HOME and implant his stupid ass rules, when he’s the one who’s at fault here. she’s not the one who married other man and had a child! He has no right to be angry at Adam, he has no right even look at him the wrong way. I don’t like how it’s implied that she either had no other option but to submit to his whims or she was too meek to stand up for herself and her son.

my favorite thing about my headcanon girl is that Aurora REALLY doesn’t need him. And she doesn’t even think about him as the father of her kids. The hardest part of it (first pregnancy, labor, first years of Adam’s life) he wasn’t there. He wasn’t there, because she didn’t want him to and because she didn’t need him to. He knows it and it makes him treasure her more (there won’t be any third chances for him, another fuck up like this and he’s out for good). It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows back then, and she wasn’t the kindest and loving with Adam (it’s inevitable when you impulsively decide to have a child to spite the man whom you plan to never see again) but she learned to be, little by little. Although she still was quite demanding of Adam (he literally learned the alphabet with her ‘history of art’ books).

Again: she loves Anderson, that’s why she allowed him to came back, but she loves her son more. So when they decide to start again she’s the one with all aces up her sleeve.  

MY HOUSE. MY KIDS. MY RULES.

(if you don’t like it, then you can kindly fuck off. don’t want to act like a human being? shut the door on your way out. and so help me god if you lay even one finger on Adam)  

There’s her love for him, there’s her love for her work, and then there’s her love for her kids. And she can sacrifice first two, but not the last.

Headcanon 3: it’s more of a AU part, but things would so different if she didn’t die. She won’t be a part of RE, obviously, she won’t marry him even if he’d ask her. BUT!  

a) Leila would be alive. And well. Because Rori would find out the truth, as she always does, and then she would make him fix things. She would probably take Leila under her wind, as a form of punishment for Anderson (oh look I care about your ex-wife more than I care about you, she’s really cool, btw).

b) he won’t be a supreme commander. Actually becoming a supreme was his biggest mistake. Everything gone awry because of the routine. It was fun for a few month, but then the middle-age crisis came and everything went to hell. So Rori would definitely convince him to look at it not from the ‘AAAA MORE POWER EVEN MORE POWER, I’M UNTOUCHABLE!!!’ point, but from ‘i’m gonna need to take REAL responsibility for my actions, and they actually gonna have consequences’  point. 

paris: wow, i really don’t like it. thank you, rori. where would I be without you? 

rori: six feet under, darling, six feet under. 

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ THE SHOT ❜

Final chapter of ‘Someone you loved’ with Michael ‘Riz’ Ariza.

Warnings: none.

Word count: about 1.5k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to my wonderful @sonsofeorl ✨

Masterlist. You can subscribe to my broadcast list, to be notified whenever I post a writing!

You are already tucked in your bed, pajamas on, lights off and your body almost asleep in a concrete position, when your phone starts to ring. No way. You're not going to move, not even your eyelashes, so you try to ignore it until it stops to sound. The music disappears at the same time that your room is immersed again in the darkness, with the blinds completely rolled down. Burying your face in the pillow, you grumble with a hoarse sound that is born deep down in your throat, when the call happens again. Palming your nightstand to grab the phone, opening one eye, you read your father's name on the screen. Closing it again, you answer placing the phone over your ear. No hand holding it, just resting on it.

“Wha'?” You mutter with a sleepy tone.

“Need you to come to Vicki's house”.

“And I need to die, but life ain't fair, dad”.

“Riz has been shot”.

Suddenly sitting up, it takes you only one damn second to toss the blankets to the floor and jump out of your bed. With your heart about to have an attack, pumping faster than it can handle, you don't even change your clothes but put on a pair of sneakers. Running to the entrance, you only grab your keys and the black helmet from the coat rack. Wearing it, you continue the fast strides to your motorcycle. Your fingers are shaking, your throat is dry and your mind is totally blank. Turning on the engine, you speed up joining the road, knowing the way to Vicki's house better than the club's one.

You have never been a believer, but you're praying every single prayer you know. As if Bishop had confirmed to you that he is dead or about to, the day you met plays in front of your eyes like the scene of a movie. Exceeding the speed limit without caring about encountering a patrol, you cross the Calexico desert in the middle of the night. Darkness all around, with the moonlight barely illuminating your path, soon you can glimpse a row of houses, with a lot of motorbikes and a van parked there. Throwing yours to the floor after turning off the engine, you jump the stairs coming desperately into the house.

“RIZ? RIZ! DAD!”

You can't stop yelling, trying to find someone when you notice that the house is empty. All the lights are one, but there's no one inside it. Your gaze is blurred because of the bunch of tears you're uttering. Your throat now is filled up with a lot of saliva, feeling the anxiety hitting your body. Going upstairs, you open every door there. Nothing.

“RIZ! ARIZA!”

You're losing your temper, coming back to the living room to continue to the kitchen.

“DAD! DAD, WHERE ARE YOU?”

Almost choking with the tears flooding onto your lips, hiccuping with an incessant surf of pain breaking within your chest, you palm your torso and your thighs looking for your phone. But you don't have it. Remembering to have left it forgotten on your bed. Grabbing the landline and dialing the number, you wait for your father to answer. The tones pass you to the voicemail, after an endless waiting, tossing the device over the counter. You're about to falter, pressing a hand close to your collarbone. That grief feels like if something is breaking inside you into hundreds and hundreds of pieces. Turning around over your own steps, looking everywhere, you try to focus. To think about where else you can go. Your legs move this time to the rear door, straight to the back yard. The silent outside is literally killing you, touring the alley until flooding into the courtyard.

With parted lips and almost shocking, you look at the small light bulbs hanging from the walls and the trees. Frowning confused, you can't remember if that kind of lighting was there last time you came. But you don't even care. There's nothing much to roam to, cleaning your tears with the back of your hand, you turn again with the intention of coming back to the house and call Bishop again. The angst is clotting the blood inside your veins, barely filling your lungs with the fresh air of the desert, trying to figure out where the hell are the crew. Their bikes are there, so they can't be too far.

“Don't hit me, please”.

At that exact moment, your heart stops pumping for two seconds. Riz is in front of you, some steps away. Both hands raised, in case he has to defend himself, and a worried gesture on his face. Your eyes travel all around his anatomy, looking for blood, a wound, anything. But he is okay. He looks like he's fine. Bowing down your head and covering your face with both hands, your loud becomes louder. You don't have to be a genius to know that your father has played a dirty and macabre game on you. The knot within your stomach disappears, but the sorrow is still installed on its mouth. Two arms embrace you slowly, feeling his fingertips sliding on your back until he can finally hold you against his chest.

“Sorry”. He whispers with a broken tone of voice. “It wasn't my idea, but… you have been a week without answering my calls or my texts… Bishop thought it was the only option to make you come”.

You don't utter a single word. You can. You're still immersed into the shock of their lies and the pain they have provoked you. And you are not sure at all about how many time you have been just like that, letting Riz hug you in silence; caressing your back, your hair, your head. Soft and gentle moves that comforts and calms you. Slowly pulling himself away, he holds your hands by intertwining his fingers with yours, guiding you to a hammock. Sitting by your side, he cleans your tears left stuck on your cheeks, and you can't help but cling your arms around his neck again. You have missed him more than anything in your life. These days without knowing anything about him, without seeing him, without hearing his voice, has been the worst time you have been through. His scent is intense, swelling up your lungs by having a deep breath of it with your nose sink on his neck. Feeling like this gesture is bringing you back to life.

Riz kisses your cheeks, your temples, your forehead, all your face. And cupping it onto his hands, with the cold rings pressed against your skin, he places his lips on yours to your surprise. But he doesn't move. He just stays like that for some seconds, after starting to peck them. You're sitting on the hammock like an effigy, trying to find a way to wake up from this dream.

“I always… carry our first... photo together… in a pocket... of the kutte… every time I go... on a run”. He confesses between short kisses, marking every inch of your lips until erasing the sad gesture installed on them. Touching your nose with his, he can finally breathe. “I don't want to live without you. You complete me, your life completes mine. There's nobody else I want to be with for the rest of my life that it isn't you. I want to hear you calling me Rizzy anytime I'm not paying attention to you. I want to wake up with you, clinged to me like a fucking koala. I want to look at you all the damn time and say shit, she chose me over everybody. And kiss you, and hug you, and love you even afterlife. You're my other half, mi vida, mi amor, el único sentido que le encuentro a la existencia”.

You are sobbing against his neck, not capable of replying any word he's saying to you. Not even when you feel who he loosens his grip, looking for something inside a pocket. Pulling himself away some inches, he takes your right hand to put a small golden ring in your finger. Pouting at him, you can see Riz softly smiling.

“I don't want to live without you”. He repeats again, leaning forward to catch your lips with his.

This time, you kiss him back, urging you to sit on his lap to surround your waist with both arms; embracing you with all his strength, believing for a moment that you two could melt into just one body.

“I'm so so—sorry”. You cry against his mouth.

“Fuck, no. It was my fault”. Riz shakes his head, cupping your cheek into his hands. “And it's not like I was let you leave my side. I would follow you till the end of times, mi amor”.

“I love you… I really do”. You mumble resting your forehead against his.

“I love you too… Even if you have fucked me up badly this last week. Maybe I deserved it for being a pendejo”.

Giggling and sniffing, you wrap his back with both arms, resting your head on his chest. Closing your eyes, feeling calmed.

“Don't kill your father, ah?” He says then, licking his bottom lip. You chuckle again.

“I will try, but I can't promise it”.

[jungcity]

love, eternal. | v

genre: reincarnation!au, fallen angel!au

[supernatural!au-ish, angst, use of blunts and intoxicants, extra asshole jaehyun, smut, vulgar words]

pairing: jung jaehyun x reader

words: 7k

warnings: unprotected sex [use protection, always!!]

note: hello, loves! since ive been stucked inside our house, doing nothing, and all i could do is write— here’s another update! thank you for your kind words and comments the last update. i appreciate every single one of you. it makes me happy to think that you enjoy my writing style and the plot that i have in my silly mind. i hope you stay healthy and please please please wash your hands and sanitize!! i love you 💕

part iv | part vi

“God, if you’re out there,

if you’re listening,

he fucks like a seraphim,

and there’s no part of scripture

that ever prepared you for his hands.

Hands that map a communion

in the cradle of your hips.

Hands that kiss hymns up your sides.

He confesses how long he’s looked

for a place to worship and,

oh,

you put him on his knees.”

—excerpts from PROFANE by Ashe Vernon

Aurora.

Aurora.

Aurora.

With every chant of her name in your mind, you take a swig of the liquor with relish that would surely give you a hell-worth of hangover tomorrow. You couldn’t bring yourself to care now that you’re in a pit of a hole you don’t know how to climb off. Jaehyun was enraged by your constant chivvying, jilting your questions about Aurora like an ex-lover. While telling you aggressively that you have no business poking your nose where it doesn’t belong.

“Shut your mouth. I won’t hear questions anymore.”

Those were his words of command. After that, you kept your mouth shut the whole ride back to the hotel. And in the end, you didn’t tell them about your dreams either. If they’re reluctant to share something with you, you wouldn’t share the visions you have in your sleep with them too.

Asking Johnny about Aurora was like talking to the wind. He let your questions die unheard, excusing himself to greet the guests who needs his attention. Of course, what did you expect? All of the men who flocks around Jaehyun are his brethren, they won’t betray Jaehyun for you. They won’t answer your question without Jaehyun’s permission, that much you’re sure of because of your boss’ ubiquitous influence. Chaelin offered you no hope, dodging your question whenever she gets the chance. She offered you bits of information; about Aurora’s appearance— confirming that the Aurora you see is the Aurora of them— which you’re already familiar of because of your dreams. Besides that, Chaelin said nothing more.

It’s unusual, hearing her name in the real world. You’re not one to believe in superstitions, but there’s something about your dreams that made you want to tear off the meanings inside Jaehyun’s chest. It drives you mad, anxious, and even desperate. Yet your courage could only go far. One look from Jaehyun and all the questions bubbling in your mouth dissipates into nothingness.

Aurora being Jaehyun’s ex-lover already crossed your mind. His aloofness towards her name tells you something hadn’t gone well between them. But where is she now? Johnny knows her, so you assume that she’s close friends with Jaehyun’s friends. Why didn’t she show up in the party? Why does she only appear in your dreams?

You’re thirsty for answers and no one seems brave enough to quench your thirst. But maybe the liquor on your table could do the work.

Johnny’s party ended an hour ago. Here you are, satisfying yourself the way you did not allow to at his party. You left the hotel without giving Jaehyun a heads up of where you are. Why would you? He won’t give you answers to your questions, so you won’t give him the knowledge of your location. Not that it’s important to him anyways. He could go and do his office duties all by himself, if he dared work at one a.m. in the morning. But maybe he’s asleep, or doing his nightly ritual being that he’s a spawn of the devil come to life.

“You’re crazy, Y/N. Crazy and drunk,” You mumbled to yourself, sluggish words coming out your mouth.

“What’s a pretty lady doing here all alone while drinking herself to oblivion?”

You snapped your head to the owner of the voice. A man in his past thirty made his way on the bar stool beside you. He’s tall, hard muscles almost stretching the blue long-sleeves polo he’s wearing. You suddenly felt wary by his presence, so you moved an inch away from him.

“I won’t bite,”

The sentence came out sultry, with the man’s smirk matching it. You suddenly felt stupid to come out in a city you’re not familiar with in the dead of the night. Yet who could blame you? You wanted to lose your mind tonight, far away from the questions that tries to infiltrate every corner of your brain. However, the presence of the man beside you gave you an ominous feeling.

So you stood up, catching yourself when you slide on the same stool you sat on. The man is quick to wrap his warm hand on your arm, whispering on you to be careful.

“Thanks,” you muttered the one word laconically. Slapping a bill on the table, you dashed outside of the bar, your steps waddling as the wind greeted you outside, making you shiver.

“Shit, shit.” You curse as you clutch a handful of hair in your close palm, the liquor you pick hit hard than what you expected.

“Where are you staying?”

You ignore the same man at the bar who’s trying to catch on you. Although waddling, you tried to pick up your pace. The hotel is just five-minutes away. You have to get there untouched.

“Hey, it’s dangerous to walk these streets alone. Let me—”

He gripped your arm, hard enough to make sure you won’t budge.

“Hey!” You screamed at him, trying to pull your arm free, but the man didn’t stir. He only ran down his eyes on your body, like you’re a delectable meal he would soon devour.

“Let me go!”

The streets are dead, and the few bystanders glanced at you with concern in their faces. You inhaled a lot of air, ready to scream for help but the man only looked at the few passersby apologetically.

“I’m sorry, my girlfriend here had too much drink.”

Girlfriend? You wanted to crawl and spit on his face. How dare he call you his girlfriend when you do not have any idea of who he is? But his grip on your arm never slackened. If not, his fingers only dig deeper on your flesh.

“You will come with me without making noise or else—”

“Or else what?”

You’d recognize that voice even a mile away. Jaehyun. As much as you want to tell him to go and leave you on your own business, your nerves screams for him to help you. The slight twist of his mouth tells you that he feels your discomfort under the man’s presence. And you know he is not happy about it.

“Who are you?”

Jaehyun brushed off the man’s question by walking towards you, hands on his pocket, not a trace of emotion could be seen on his face. When he’s finally standing face to face with your captor, he swiftly pulled you towards him. Though the tight grip of the man left your flesh smarting, you felt instantly safe beside Jaehyun. But it was short-lived as the man pulled you taut towards him again. Why won’t he drop it and fuck off already?

“Fuck of—”

The man did not finish his vulgar words for Jaehyun landed a fist on his jaw right away. He stumbled on his feet, his lips kissing the pavement. Jaehyun did not waste anytime, he grabbed your hand and secured you behind him.

“I dare you to touch her again,” He said coolly when the man slowly pulled himself up. There was anger and embarrassment in his face. You thought he’d swing a punch towards Jaehyun as vengeance but he only looked at him with wary, then dashed away.

Behind Jaehyun, you feel smaller than you are. Because of your own imbecility, he landed himself on trouble again. You just wanted a harmless night of enjoying yourself, but seeing where your little endeavor ended elicited a wistful sigh past your lips.

Jaehyun stared down at you, his shadows overruling your height. You hate that he could make you feel worse and defeated than you already are.

“Stupid.”

One word. One word and all the thank yous that you wanted to tell him faded out in an instant like the gust of wind in the summer. It’s unfair, to feel this chagrined towards the man who apparently saved you from an imminent danger yet you couldn’t help yourself but to lash out on him.

“Stupid?” —you asked, and you wanted your lips to stop there, but it didn’t—“Yes! I know that! But I think it’s cruel to say that to my face when I literally was inches away from getting assaulted! At least show some comfort, Jaehyun!” The words were whiplash savage, hopefully to shake him off his callous self.

One step. That’s all it took for Jaehyun to close the gap between the both of you. You tried to stare him down, not letting him see that standing this close to him makes your knees turn jelly and your bones to become brittle inside you.

“Raise your voice towards me again, and I’m gonna give you a real reason to scream.” His face and his voice doesn’t give away any emotions, but it made you flustered anyway.

You hate it. You hate the way that he could get to you every time you think that you could best him and his emotions. You hate it when he talks to you slatternly yet your body couldn’t help but tingle in his every words. You hate it whenever he brushes you off like a fly, yet you couldn’t help but melt into his touch. You hate it when he swears, yet you couldn’t help but pull him closer whenever he kisses you like he’d never sate himself. And it drives you crazy.

He walks ahead of you now, not giving a fuck about your existence again. You tried to match his step, but you need to split your legs first to match his strides. And your intoxicated state made everything worse. Your eyes are drooping and you feel hot everywhere. Cursing the liquor for your state, you shambled your way towards the hotel’s entrance, oblivious of the step that resulted to your cheek kissing the earth.

“Ouch!”

“Truly stupid,”

You heard Jaehyun mumbled before helping you stand and scooping you swiftly in his arms in a bridal style. If your face isn’t ruddy enough because of the alcohol, you’d bet Jaehyun would think that his chivalrous side made you blush— which is true, but you’d thank the intoxicants for that.

When you reached your room, he carefully laid you on your feet, demanding for the keys. You carelessly fished for it inside your little bag, turning it upside down, resulting for all its content to spill on the floor. Jaehyun sighed, clearly on his edge, but he picked up all your things and place it back on your bag. The click of the door reverberated through the silent corridors, and you wobbled inside, palming the switch that’d turn on the lights, but to no avail.

The moonlight infiltrated your room, slightly illuminating your bed. You walked towards it, feeling Jaehyun’s presence behind you.

“Hey!” You laughed, the alcohol kicking in your system now. He raised a brow, but strides towards you nonetheless.

You grabbed his hand, pulling him with you to the mattress, “Thank you!”

You haven’t realized that he’s on top of you and your face are mere inches away from each other. Maybe it’s your blurred vision, or the little light provided by the moon— but did Jaehyun blush? You would see it easily if he did. The bright red would stand starkly against his pale face.

His face. You dared touch his face then, expecting him to slap your hand away and walk out of the room— but he didn’t. He let you hold his face, his eyes fluttering from the sensation, a ghost of a smile creeping up his lips. Then you ran your fingers on his red lips— so inviting, so captivating.

“Who did your lips?” You asked, “I need to know who your surgeon is!”

You leaned forward and bite his lip, which elicited a groan from him. Laughing, you tried to push him, but the hard muscles on his chest were taut.

“Do that again,” He whispers on your lips, the mint of his breath wafting your nose.

“Oh no, we’re gonna do something we’d prolly regret tomorrow,” You chuckled, and bit his lips once again.

This time, he didn’t let you push him away. He kissed you, with enough fervor that sent jolts on your body automatically. His lips were hungry against yours, as they always are whenever you kiss. There’s biting, clashing of teeth against teeth, and there was licking. You couldn’t hold yourself back, not when he kisses you like you’re a goddess. He parted your lips to suck your tongue and you let him. Every suck of his mouth leaves you breathless, but you want more. More than this.

You spread your hips then, allowing him access on your center. He gets the notice in an instant, then he started to grind on you. You gasped underneath him, feeling tingles on your lower abdomen. He continued to kiss you passionately, only to move on and started kissing your jaw, and on the sweet spot on your neck. You’ve got a fistful of his hair tangled on your hands now, but he doesn’t seem to feel the pain on his scalp as he continues to ravenously kiss you while still grinding on you.

You felt your own wetness against your panties, your center begging to be touched.

“Jaehyun,” You said, out of breath.

He suddenly stopped and looked at you, like he’s gotten out of a bubble, “As much as I want you naked right now, I won’t fuck you intoxicated chérie.”

You look at him askance, “You’ll leave me like this?” By your words, you felt your center pulsating, making you even more hotter than you already are.

“Y/N,” He said your name with careful tones, “I don’t want you to regret anything tomorrow,”

You shake your head. And you don’t even know why the hell do you insist. But in his eyes, even though you couldn’t see well because of the light, you know he wants this as much as you want to.

“Jaehyun… I know you want this.”

He sighs, frustrated, “Yes, chérie. I bloody want to fuck you senseless right now. I’ve been wanting to since that day I kissed you on your living room.” He’s holding both your cheeks now, his breath coming out ragged.

You couldn’t believe your ears. Jaehyun wants you. He bloody does. Him, admitting it made the fire inside you burn brighter.

You grabbed him, fuck tomorrow and fuck everything. “Fuck me senseless then,”

Jaehyun groans, he gave you a ravenous kiss before unclothing himself, the only thing covering him now is his boxers. And oh, isn’t he beautiful? The perfectly sculpted muscles of his chest down to his abdomen made your mouth go dry, and the V cascading down his glory tells you it would be a painful night. This isn’t your first time, but it is your first time seeing a huge penis such as his.

He wasted no time to undress you too, but he was gentle as a man who walks with a walking stick. Every reveal of skin made his breath hitch— desire flickering in his eyes, and amazement. But he didn’t say anything, just kiss your lips again.

His lips travels down your neck, where he sucked on the sweet spot that he made sure would leave a mark tomorrow. While he does, his hands travels around your body— feeling your soft mounds on his palm. Then he popped his mouth on your other nipple, sending your body into frenzy. It’s been so long since you’ve done this that you already forgot the feeling. He took turns sucking on your nipples while massaging the other. And you palmed him against his boxers as he does do. He shivered, mouth against your ear.

“Don’t do that, chérie. I don’t wanna come all over your hand.”

You blushed— hard. And he chuckles by your gob-smocked reaction. He continued his penetration on your breasts, stopping only when he felt your wetness on his knees himself.

“Naughty,” He whispered on your ear, tickling you. Slowly, agonizingly, he peeled of your panties off you and his boxers off him—his glory slapping on his stomach as he did so. His length made you gulp. You’ve never imagined him to be that huge. He couldn’t seem to notice your awe because he slowly pulled your legs towards him, feeling your wetness on his fingers. His touch sent you writhing on the bedsheets, wanting for more.

“Patience,” He licks his fingers then, making sure you’re eye to eye as he licks your liquid clean off his fingers.

He leaned towards you, the head of his penis poking your entrance. He whispered, so husky and so raspy that you melt. “Can you lift your hips for me, chérie?”

You exhaled, doing his command slowly. He held your hips, slowly guiding you towards him. Then you felt it. First, poking your entrance. Second, slowly pushing inside you. Third, his wholeness is on you. You gasped.

He groans, “So tight and so fucking wet for me.”

His words alone could send you to your climax. He picked up his pace but he’s still pushing in and out of you slowly, giving you time to adjust to his length. He realized that the tightness is unusual, and you felt it too. Your walls stretching open slowly, tearing the muscles that made you shut your eyes. It wasn’t as painful as the first time, but the pain is still there. Jaehyun steadily push himself in and out of you for a minute or two, before you told him to pick up his pace, which he oblige with a nod.

Now you couldn’t help but scream his name for he fucks you like there’s no tomorrow. His hands on both sides of your head, his every thrust digging you deeper on to the mattress. Your toes curl, and you lifted your hips, wanting to feel more of him.

Jaehyun grunts, his sweats dropping on your chest and on your face. His eyes are shut, feeling everything. You clenched around him, sending him to moan your name into the darkness.

“So… fucking… beautiful.” He curses while looking at you, both of your bodies bouncing against the mattress. You cling on to his shoulders then, your hands feeling something bumpy on his back— like two long gashes of scars— near his shoulder blades. What is it? You shake off the questions, there’s time for that.

Jaehyun continued thrusting on you until you felt a tingle in your lower abdomen, cascading down your clit, “Jae— Jaehyun, I’m near—”

By your words, he pulled out of you, a sudden emptiness you felt in your system. But it was short-lived as he guided you towards the window and whispers, “Bend over, chérie.”

You did as you were told, the gloaming greeting you as you bend over the window. Jaehyun inserted himself on you the second you oblige his command, eliciting a gasp from the both of you. The feeling of being fulfilled came back in an instant.

Then he’s grabbing your hair, your shoulders, your upper body; his one hand wrapped around your breast, twirling on your nipple as he fucks you behind.

The horizon is gleaming in red, the sun will shine soon. And the view is spectacular. Here you are, in London, being fucked mercilessly by a man named Jung Jaehyun. You felt your clit pulsate, your climax approaching.

“Jaehyun!” You screamed at the top of your lungs as you felt your climax tore through your body— your mind went blank from the pleasure. Your body trembled in his grasp. Suddenly, the galaxy seemed so near you could grab it.

Then you felt Jaehyun tensed behind you, a loud groan escaping his lips.

“Fuck!” He shuddered. And the whole room were instantly filled with your heavy breathings.

You could feel your knees wobbling, Jaehyun catching you before you fall on the floor. He laid you carefully on the bed before wiping off the liquid off your sexes, the tissues touching your clit made you shudder a bit, still high on your climax. He tucked you on the thick sheets after cleaning both of you, “Sleep well, chérie.” He mumbled against your hair.

Perhaps it was exhaustion and the intoxication that drove you easily to slumber. But before you drift in complete blackness, you felt Jaehyun kissing your shoulder— tucking you closer to his body.

—

An unexpected headache hit you the moment you opened your eyes, the sunlight glinting on the skies above, its gleam infiltrating your room straight to your vision, making you squint.

The sheets wrapped around your naked body and the scattered clothes on the floor reminded you of what happened last night. A smile creep in your lips as you remember the memories.

Jaehyun was nowhere to be found, but the space he took on the bed was still warm in your palms, a sign that he just got out of bed. You supposed he’s back on his own room, taking a shower since the schedule tells you that today is the day you’d come back home.

Wincing by the pain in your head, you wrapped the sheets tighter on your body then you stand up and trudge towards the window. The memory of the gloaming coating the whole sky earlier came back on your mind, with it the feeling of Jaehyun’s hands grasping your body like he never wanted to let go. His groans and his moans whispering like a phantom wind on your ear as you inhale the sweet air of London.

You were somber as you look at everything around you. From the pavement, to the trees, the flowers and the clear blue sky— a dream come true. I’ll be back, you whispered. There was something familiar tugging you in the atmosphere, yet you couldn’t explain what is it.

The door creaked open, revealing a freshly bathed Jaehyun. He doesn’t smile when you meet his eyes, and he didn’t need to show or tell you about last night to know that he remembers— his eyes could absolutely do the work. It amazes you how much emotions his eyes could conjure— it’s like a glass, mirroring his feelings even though he doesn’t express them with words. But the wrath underneath his irises remains no matter how much emotions his eyes could handle.

“Morning,” He softly mumbled, and you repeated the words to him. You notice that he’s holding something behind him.

“What are you carrying?”

By your words, his ears started to redden. You find it adorable— Jaehyun blushing. But you decided not to tease him about it, afraid that you’d ruin the mood. And you’re absolutely sure that he won’t take it kindly once you point it out. He shifted, conspicuously uncomfortable.

When he didn’t answer, you push him a little bit. “Is that for me?” you cooed. His ears are crimson red now. You bite your lips to stop yourself from giggling.

Here he is, your boss, the CEO of a prestigious company, Jung Jaehyun, red as a tomato in front of you. Never in a million years you’ve imagined this to happen. You walked towards him, clutching the sheets on your body. But what’s the point? He has seen everything already. Yet the way his eyes roamed up and down your wrapped body still made the hairs on your neck prickle. He’s looking at you like he doesn’t know what lay underneath the sheets.

“Wear this.” He pushed the gift on your chest that you struggled to catch it for your one hand is busy clutching the sheets to keep you covered.

“What’s this? It’s not something scandalous, right?” You asked, peeking on the insides of the gift.

Jaehyun sighed, “Just… wear it. We have someplace to go to,” Then he’s gone to his own room.

You frown, you thought you’re going home today. But it seems like Jaehyun has another business to go to. You quickly unwrapped the gift, a flowy dress with little flowers all over is the content of it, accompanied with a little note.

I hope you don’t regret anything, chérie. Because I don’t. – J

The note locked you in your place, mouth slightly gaping from the message. You knew it. You knew he doesn’t regret a single thing. Yet his assurance made everything better— even clear as the waters of the lake glinting in the sunlight. And you feel like floating on the same water like a driftwood, unaware of where shore you’d land on, yet enjoying the thrill of the waters still.

You rinse yourself, lathering your hair with shampoo. The places where Jaehyun touched you— worshipped you— last night tingles as you trace them, feeling his calloused yet careful hands against your skin. Was it a dream? Everything that’s happened?  If it was, you pray that you experience it again. And yet you remember that your dreams holds trapped mysteries like the smoke in a crystal ball, too obscured to be understood.

Aurora. Knowing nothing aside from the woman’s appearance left you incomplete— like she was a phantom limb missing in your body, and only knowing something other than her blue eyes would complete you. Who are you? You asked, debating whether to nag about it to Jaehyun again. But you have no wish to ruin the building bond you’re starting with him, you do not want to infuriate him, or yourself if ever he doesn’t answer again. Perhaps in the right time, you’d know everything. But not now. Not when you don’t have any clue of what’s to come the moment your questions are all answered.

You’re certain about one thing, though. And that’s whatever your role might be in this chain of a story, it’s not a flowery path that you’d enjoy. You feel something destructive lying ahead and on the end of this dream, but right now, you’d let yourself run and be a coward for a while.

—

Paris, France. Every woman’s dream. And now you couldn’t contain your self as you spin around the place.

Jaehyun didn’t give away any clue when you were inside his private plane that arrived earlier. Private plane, yes. The truthiness of it made you appalled, like a fish blobbing in the sea. You just knew that you’re already in Paris when you saw the tiny Eiffel Tower from above the clouds.

Everything seemed so serene and peaceful— and you supposed it’s because of the statue of St. Michael standing proudly on the grounds of Place Saint-Michel in 6th arrondissement.

You aren’t a pious lady, but your mother was. That’s why you know the rosary and the prayers of Ave Maria. You and your little sister, Yuqi, would kneel beside her every night before dinner to whisper the prayers alongside her. As a child, you’d always tripped on your words, eliciting a giggle from Yuqi and a glare from your mother. But even though she’d give you a sharp scolding afterwards, you’d never trade the memory for the world.

Jaehyun offered you his right hand, “Come.”

That was his first word after you departed the plane and on the way here. You haven’t yet asked him why did he choose this place to go to. He was so quiet on the way— the kind of silence that you’re so accustomed to— the silence that tells he doesn’t want to talk to anybody.

You take his hand, your palms easily covered by his large ones. Holding hands and walking with your lover in the grounds of Paris was one of your lifetime dreams— and now it’s happening. Your heart couldn’t stop from beating loudly in your chest. But is he your lover? You couldn’t claim him yet, and you don’t know if he’d like that idea. Perhaps you’re stupid, to revel in this feeling, but your heart feels utterly safe whenever you’re with him. Even though Jaehyun is as complicated as a twisted rope, there’s a tug that continues to pull you towards him. As much as you want to understand where it is coming from, there’s a voice in the back of your mind that tells you not to worry about anything. You feel like the ocean water, whenever it flows around the world, it’d still come home in the shores.

“Is that a statue of Archangel Michael?” You asked, wonderment visible on your face.

You’re not good in architecture, but the intricate design of the Renaissance style pediment awed you. It contains of a tablet, the year 1860 inscribed in Roman numerals on its surface. At the central niche, you’d see the statue of Archangel Michael winning a combat against the devil.

“Wow. That must be Lucifer,”

You pointed at the other statue underneath the Archangel. Jaehyun’s grip on you tightened, making you snap your head at him. His face carried no emotions, but his eyes— you couldn’t see them at your position beside him. But he’s looking straight at the statue, like he’s reminiscing an old memory.

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the sinner that needed it most?” Jaehyun said while still looking at the statue. “A quote I’ve read somewhere,” he added when he noticed that you were quiet beside him.

You grew up knowing the stories in the Bible, it has many mysteries, and it’s not perfect. But it molded your little five-year-old heart into the woman that you are now. Looking at Jaehyun, and hearing his quote reminded you of your mother again, and how she taught you not to judge those who has different beliefs than you. You wonder if Jaehyun is one of those people.

“Are you sympathizing with the devil right now?” You asked, careful not to sound insulting. Religion is the one thing you have no idea how to talk with to other people. Asking Jaehyun feels like you’re walking on a thin thread.

He didn’t answer for a minute or two, just continues to hold your hand in every minute that passes. When he does, it was brief and almost breathless, “Yes.”

You inhaled, “May I know why?”

You waited for his sharp reiteration, but none came. Instead, his voice was lacking of life. “Because no one did. No one does,” Then he was silent again.

“Didn’t he betray God?” You regretted the words the moment it slid past your lips. The voice of your mother scolding you for being nosy repeating in your mind. But again, Jaehyun’s voice was toneless. His eyes seems to look at a vestige of something that is long gone.

“Did he, really? Or did I just loved him too much?”

I? But before you could ask him about it, he dragged you away from the statue. Three steps away from it, he turned around and whispered.

“Farewell, brother.”

You almost didn’t hear it. But you were certain you heard him call the statue of the Archangel ‘brother’. You’re supposed to shrug it off and leave him be, but there was hopelessness and longing in his eyes that made you inquisitive.

“Did you just call the statue your brother?”

His mouth opened up and said something, but you didn’t hear the words because of the loud wailing of a child nearby.

—

“Did you just call the statue your brother?”

He doesn’t look at you when he answered, afraid that his eyes might give away his emotions. “Yes. Because he’s indeed my brother. Once.”

Jaehyun hated it. He hated the truth that no matter how many millennia he rots in Earth, the loneliness of not being with his brothers doesn’t disappear. If not, it only makes him more of a sinner. The wanting to fight and win wars with them eats him up like a disease, suffusing all his ability to be sane. Perhaps he was crazy, delusional, to even hang on the little hope that he feels in his heart. Of the hope that one day, he’d spread his wings and fly again into heaven. Yet every time he remembers Aurora, he’s reminded of the punishment on his shoulders.

It angers him still— to think that Aurora lived a life meant to cease— that she lived a life as a vessel to punish the Fallen; him. Albeit realizing the truth, he still loved her with all that he is. And where did that lead her? Into her own doom.

And as he looked at you now, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for what he’s doing. Is this love? He questions himself every night, much more so after that night you shared.  Yet an uncertain feeling that maybe you aren’t one of his punishment makes him want to hold you closer, tighter, longer. Could he risk it? Could he risk you? He couldn’t seem to bear the thought of you withering away from him— yet that is the only way to keep you safe, protected.

He’s thought about you all night, not even a blink of sleep visited him. He’s thought about how beautiful you’d looked in Johnny’s party with your tulle dress and intricate coiffure. And the dance you shared— there’s nothing in this world who could take that memory away from him. It reminds him of Aurora, and their dance that night in her father’s fête. It was familiar yet different at the same time. The thought of her made him froze, remembering how you asked about Aurora sparked a frisson of fear in him. Why are you so eager to know anything about her? There’s a sense of foreboding in your every question about Aurora that made Jaehyun uneasy.

He laid awake beside you, watching your face as you drift off to sleep, while sundries of thoughts occupies his mind. He wonders what kinds of dreams visits you whenever you close your eyes? Is it about him? The thought of you dreaming about him etched a smile on his lips. Yet he’s been cruel to you to even deserve that.

He knows that he must be crueler and put an end to this stupidity. He couldn’t hurt you, no. He’s done a lot of destruction to the people around him already and he couldn’t bear the idea of you hurting because of him. Whether you’re not a part of his punishment, he knows that letting himself fall for you would lead only to your own ruination. That’s why he made up his mind. What he feels for you, he’s determined not to let it eat him up— he’s determined to crush it if it means your safety.

He once had become selfish, and that remissness only resulted to his own heart being shattered and the death of his lover. It’s hard to move on, and it’s harder to forget. One hundred years, the memory still clings to him; Aurora’s skin and bones slowly wilting to the state of emaciation. All of it was his fault. It was his fault because he didn’t guard his heart enough.

It was waggish, Jaehyun thinks. He was a warrior of heaven— his heart unfailingly comes second to his mind. That’s what he’s learned as God’s soldier. Yet he couldn’t believe that the little thing full of veins and arteries inside his body would be his forever retribution.

He wanted to capture the moment every time he’s with you. Specially now, while you innocently eat an ice cream in your hand, strands of your hair loosing from your bun and billowing against the wind. But he knows keeping you there would only ruin you. Everything about him is truly twisted— from the way that he treated you with his actions and with his words. But the fire inside you never once wavered whenever you’re with him. Unlike him, you do not let yourself have grudges towards anyone. Everything for you is a river that flows freely. But Jaehyun, he is a tsunami of feelings, ready to destroy anyone and anything on his wake. There’s simply no way to extricate himself from his nature and damnation.

A strand of hair strayed on your face, he tucked it behind your ear as he watched you with adoration in his eyes. “Are you fond of angels?”

He blamed himself for your question. Perhaps he was overwhelmed by seeing the statue of Archangel Michael earlier, and perhaps you’ve seen it in his eyes. He knows the question isn’t meant to harm him but it overwrought him even so.

He nodded, “You could say that,”

He was fond of angels, of course. Because he’s one of them. Even though the rules of his damnation kept him tied to Earth, the wings in his back and the ichorous blood that runs in his veins still stand as an attestation of his angelic identity. No one could take that from him.

You smiled sheepishly at him, your eyes reflecting something he couldn’t quite understand. Your irises conjures a secret he wanted to know, yet it’s obvious that you would tell him soon. But there is no soon left for the both of you. After this day, he knows you’d come back and hate him again. He knows he no longer would see the stars in your eyes and the constellations in it. He knows he won’t kiss you and hear the prayers on your lips again. He won’t be allowed to thread his fingers against the finest silk that is your hair. The star between you two would die even before it is born. And he forces himself to think that that is for the best.

—

“That’s… wonderful, sis.” Yuqi commented as she entered your room with a bag of chips in hand.

You just came back from Paris yesterday, with a bag of memories that you’d treasure for the rest of your life. The last day was by far the best trip you’ve ever had. You explored half of Paris’ tourist attractions, dined in their famous restaurants, and slept with a five-star hotel with Jaehyun. Surprisingly, he allowed himself to sleep with the same room as you. But nothing happened. And no pillowtalks was shared. Jaehyun’s not that type of man, he made sure of that. Yet the silence that you shared together was still enough to make you happy. You stared with each other, smiling, your eyes talking, and him kissing your forehead before you fall asleep. It was enough, and it was perfect.

“Is it, though?” You raised your brow at your sister, popping a handful of chips in your mouth.

Knowing about Jaehyun’s fondness of angels, especially of fallen angels, you decided to give the painting you’re working on on his birthday. Even though it is not originally your idea, the familiar tug in your heart tells you that Jaehyun won’t mind. And you have to trust your intuition. It is better than nothing.

“Yes. Never really thought you to be a Renaissance girl,”

“That’s literally my style, Yuqi.” You told her and she shrugged. “You’re not really giving much attention to your big sis’ art life.” You jokingly frowned at her. Yuqi gathered the softest pillow and hit you with it.

“If you don’t remember, I am currently specializing in finance. That is like, what, poles away from your profession.”

“Whatever.”

She shifted on her seat, “You said that’s not a commission. What’s that for, then? Don’t tell me we’d just hang that piece in our walls. I mean, yes, we could. But I know you won’t let that painting sit in this apartment.”

“Why? What’s wrong with our apartment? And I still don’t know what to do with it. Maybe give it to someone else?” That is not a ‘maybe’. You’d really give it to someone, but you’re unready to discuss the idea of gifting Jaehyun with your art to your sister.

“Someone? Who is that someone?” She chivvied. You shrugged and laugh at her. There’s no way you’d tell her.

Yuqi stayed in your room for the whole day, eating and binging dramas while you work on your canvas. Finally, you could envision how it’d turn out. Thankfully, it’s turning out the same as the one in your dream.

Then Aurora’s face flashed in your mind. Wherever she is, would she condemn you for recreating her artwork? It suddenly felt wrong, to give this to Jaehyun. How twisted it is. That the same girl who constantly appears in your dreams is connected to the people you work with in real life. The sudden realization hit you like a tidal wive. It is real. And it feels wrong to remind Jaehyun of Aurora somehow through her painting.

You tugged on your hair, blowing out a frustrated sigh because of your lack of common sense. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Yet letting the almost-finished canvas to rot in the corner of your room is worse than finishing it. Maybe you’d come up with another gift to give Jaehyun.

But why am I thinking about this too much? Why am I so invested in pleasing Jaehyun when he haven’t even texted nor called me for two days?

You shrugged and kept all your art materials. Demanding for a simple hi nor hello from Jaehyun is what you call absurdity. The bed is specially inviting tonight and dwelling on your ridiculous thoughts won’t help you get the paycheck tomorrow and pay the bills. Even though you fear for the dreams to visit you again, you have a work that would need your productivity tomorrow so you decided to sleep.

Your name— it’s being uttered by different voices; there is the voice of a child, of a woman, and that of an old person. What is happening?

“Please, wake up.” They say.

Then you heard the sobs, echoing through the whole house. The house is huge, it’s like a labyrinth of corridors. Gathering your white dress, you spin around, trying to locate the voices. The whole house seemed to gyrate in every step that you take, muffling the cries and the pleas.

You flit to nowhere, but the voices are getting louder every time you open the wrong door. It’s like an endless hallway and the cries are getting disconcerting, begging for you to find it. A huge oak door greeted you at the end of the hallway, and with your heart thundering against your chest, you pushed it open.

The room is familiar— it’s the same room where you found the canvas. A kneeling family around a queen-sized bed welcomed you as you fully entered the room. Their hands are clasped with rosaries, obviously praying.

“Hello?”

They don’t seem to hear you. You walked closer towards the bed. A frail body resting on it, her bones are jutting out and her skin looked ashen. Her chests, the way it rises and falls gave you a preposterous goosebumps.

“Y/N!”

You covered your mouth. It was Aurora. The hair. But why are they calling her with your name?

“Y/N, don’t die!” The little girl screamed, river of tears flowing on her cheeks.

The sight made your heart sunk. They are all crying, begging, praying. Yet no one seems to hear them.

“I’m sorry, Aurora.”

You whirled your head to see Jaehyun standing on the corner. He looked so hopelessly defeated. Red rimmed his eyes, with fresh tears coming out of it. He’s crying, and he’s the only one who doesn’t call Aurora by your name.

What is going on? Is this why he doesn’t want to talk about her? Because she’s dead?

But when did she die?

—

“I… had a dream.”

Yuqi continued eating, but she told you to go on by nodding.

The dreams, they are not as friendly as you think they would be. They keep on coming, getting more and more peculiar every time they visit you in your sleep, to the point that searching and reading articles about it on Google couldn’t help you anymore. They are bottling up inside your chest, and you have a jarring feeling that any time soon, they would burst.

“About… about a girl. I always dream about her. In different places… and I think she’s not from our year. Her clothes, the way she carries herself— she reminds me of a princess. Or… a lady.” You haven’t thought that opening it up to your sister would be this hard. Your words are twisting and trampling on their own.

“Have you searched about it yet?”

“Yes. Search engines couldn’t even help me in this one.”

“Maybe a fortune teller could help.”

Fortune teller? Where on earth could you find one in this modern society? You sighed, promising yourself not to tell anybody about it again. Yuqi seemed disinterested about the whole notion, and you wished you could be like her too.

—

Mind wandering off to different places, you trekked inside Jung’s Fiscals. The voices and the cries of Aurora’s family echoing in your mind elicited a grimace from you. They felt so in pain. And you know that kind of pain— the kind of pain when you lost someone dear to you.

“Y/N!”

“Morning, Soo.”

“What’s wrong? That type of face wasn’t what I was expecting from a London girl!” She teased.

You tried to smile and laugh with her, telling her stories about your trip all the way to the elevator. But before you got inside, she turned you to face her. “Mr. Jung has already arrived… with a girl.”

A girl? You blinked, wondering who she might be. But then you remembered that Chaelin is a girl and she’s friends with Jaehyun. Soojin probably doesn’t know her and you have no time to ask her about the girl’s appearance. So you shrugged off the unsettling feeling in your system and gave Soojin a quick peck on the cheek before stepping in the elevator.

Once inside, you fished your phone in your pocket. A text from Jaehyun was displayed on the screen.

[Bring two cups of coffee once you arrived.]

You frowned at the message. That’s it? No good morning or take care?

After cleaning off your desk and checking for anything amiss, you walked towards the kitchen to make Jaehyun and his guest cups of coffee. Him, arriving before you was unusual. What could possibly be the reason? You shrugged and did his command, setting the hot coffees on the tray.

You balanced the tray in your arms, careful not to spill the coffee. The door clicked, you pushed it open by swaying your hips.

You breathed, “Good—”

And all of your efforts to be careful were washed down by a cold bucket of reality as you stare at the scene in front of you.

The girl from Jaehyun’s penthouse. She’s pressed against the wall, legs wrapped around Jaehyun’s waist. She’s almost naked, with Jaehyun kissing her like there’s no tomorrow. He grasps her waist and her breast, earning a moan from her.

Your arms wobbled. And the next thing you heard was the shattering of the coffee mugs against the floor, together with your heart.

[concealeddarkness13]

WHG 15 Post-Games Imposter Syndrome Part 17

Two days after part 16! Tagging: @sparkles-and-hens, @knmartinshouldbewriting, @maple-writes (also thanks for Indigo!), @pen-of-roses, @thoughts-of-nora, @ratracechronicler (also thanks for Hugo!)!

Two days after the encounter with the Bystander, and Churi had been trying so hard to break me. Torturing me and trying to hurt me with his words. He was finding it was harder than he thought it would be to break me. Oh darn.

I was sleeping since it had been a late night with scoping out the Capitol again and trying to fall asleep. My back and arms were throbbing from the healed wounds. And of course, there was a knock on my door.

I rolled over and covered my face with a pillow. Not in the mood, damn it. “Fuck off.”

“Good morning to you too.” Oh great. It was the bastard scientist. “Are you dressed?”

I was, but I wouldn’t let her know that. “Shiiiit. One second.” I jumped up and grabbed my collapsible hat. I needed it today. I opened the door with my wide hat on and grinning brilliantly. “What can I do for you on this fine day?”

She did glance at the hat first. Ha. But then she looked back at me. “Just stopping by to see how you were doing.”

“Sure you were. Are you going to ask about my eating habits again? Or have we graduated to my sleeping habits?” I stepped aside to let her in, however. It wasn’t like I had much of a choice.

She took a seat on the chair in there. “Alright, that wasn’t my main purpose today. Though I do like to keep an eye on how Churi treats his captives.”

“Well, if you’re interested, my sleeping habits would be better if I wasn’t woken up at 6 in the morning. Just saying.” I leaned against the door as it closed. I wasn’t going to sit down.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She reached into her pocket and took out a phone I recognized. Shine had worked so hard on that. A decoy phone that would flash so brightly that it would temporarily blind whoever tried to unlock it. It was cracked. “You know, I ran into someone the other day.”

I stiffened. What the hell had she done? “Huh. And by that, I assume you mean you went and visited Churi’s prison?”

“I try and avoid that place honestly.” She turned the phone over in her hand. “I ran into them snooping through some files.” Bullshit. “Now that I’ve met them I have to admit I underestimated them since they put up a good fight.”

I snorted, clinging to the fact that she was lying. “Sure. What are you trying to do? Give me hope? I think that’s the opposite of what the Capitol wants.”

She shrugged and set the phone on the table. “I just thought it would be polite to tell you they didn’t make it. Churi didn’t see the need to tell you but you have a right to know.”

No.

No.

I sucked in a breath, and my fist flew on its own, right into the smug bastard’s face. My hat fell off as I pounced on her to knock her to the ground as tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. “I’ll kill you!”

The coward yelped and covered her face as I punched her repeatedly, barely even finding satisfaction in how my fist connected. I was actually crying now, and my voice cracked. “I’ll kill you! What did you do?”

She tried to crawl away, but I just grabbed her shirt and slammed her up against the wall. I glared as I started shaking. Shine…Shine was… “You think I’d let you get away so easily?” I growled.

She was bleeding, but I didn’t even think about my magic. She wasn’t even trying to struggle. “Stop.”

Hell no. I tightened my grip as Shine lying curled up on the floor as they bled out flashed through my mind. “Like you had any mercy on Shine?” A sob escaped my lips before I could stop it. Shine… My grip loosened a little. They…they were gone. I squeezed my eyes shut as tears fell hot down my cheeks. “You…you…they’re gone.”

She tried to struggle, but she was too weak. Good. But before I could punch her again, or do anything smart, Peacekeepers kicked down the door to my room and pulled me off of her. I struggled, but it was no use. I wouldn’t be able to actually follow through on my promise. I went limp as they held me. They won. I couldn’t let her touch anyone else on my crew. “You…you can tell Churi that I give in. I’ll cooperate with the Capitol when they show me off on TV.”

*

After a lot of crying and more crying, I finally decided to get up and do something. I had only promised to cooperate on TV. I hadn’t said anything about any other time. And I could steal something from Aurora Dewpoint, an associate of Indigo’s, that would make Indigo sweat. But, I’d like to have a companion with me. And who better than Hugo?

I cracked open his door. “Psst. Hugo! You awake?”

He sat up quickly. “No. Triel? Is that you?”

“No. I’m the dream version of Triel, here to make your wildest dreams come true.” I trotted over to his bed with a grin. “Would you want to go on a stealing heist with me?”

He relaxed. “Oh, hell, yeah.” He worked his way out of the covers, his movements stiff. Shit. What had they been doing to him? “Who are we robbing this time?”

I grinned wider. I had missed him so much. It was a good distraction. “An associate of a bastard scientist who needs to see some of her important shit get burned. I know how to sneak into the associate’s house, and you can steal whatever you want while I find what I’m looking for.”

“Finally, some proper trespassing. Lead the way.”

I did, going back to my room and opening the window, since the locks were still broken. I jumped out into the night and made my way to Aurora Dewpoint’s house. There were plenty of windows to act as handholds to get to the roof, so I scrambled up there to get to a ventilation shaft.

I nodded over at Hugo. “Meet in an hour if you want to split up.” I didn’t give him a chance to really respond. I just wanted to grab the vial of Aurora’s son’s hair that she had kept after hiring Indigo to get rid of him.

The room that probably had the vial was near the kitchen, so I slipped in there from the shaft, absentmindedly grabbed a fruit from a bowl, and walked over to the room. I glanced back and smiled a little when I saw Hugo snooping around close. It was nice to know someone was on my side. I snooped around in the room, found the vial, and headed out after snagging a candle and some matches. It wasn’t a lot of hair. I scrambled back out with Hugo close behind me, and when we got far enough away from the house, Hugo spoke up. “You got what you were looking for?”

I nodded and held up the vial. “Yeah, I did! And we’re gonna go burn it.”

“Arson. Spicy. I’m on board. Where are we going?”

“A secluded place.” I pulled out my phone. “And once I start videoing, don’t speak and don’t get in view of the camera. I’m not incriminating you with me.”

“What more are they gonna do to me?” He scoffed, but I decided not to comment. “Alright. Fine. As long as I don’t have to go back right away.”

I grinned. “Of course not! I like your company.” I found an empty alley and pulled out the candle and matches. “Yeah, it won’t be much of a show.”

“I got this important-looking document if you wanna burn it, too, just for background lighting or whatever. I wasn’t gonna do anything with it. Unless you think a solo piece works best.” He leaned against a wall and offered the document.

I grinned. Brilliant! “Sure!” I took the paper and lit the candle. I turned the camera toward me and took a bite of the fruit I had stolen. Grin. “You were asking about my eating habits, so I hope this satisfies you. I’ve been busy tonight and I happened to run across this.” I held up the vial with the code facing the camera, and the document. “This seems to be from Ms. Aurora Dewpoint, and it seems to be the hair of her son, Skyler Dewpoint, who didn’t die but is in fact alive and well despite the aforementioned woman’s best efforts. Yes, Aurora Dewpoint sold her only son, Skyler Dewpoint, to Umbra Ursi, run by Dr. Indigo Carmine, for Ms. Carmine to get rid of. Which she failed to do. And it would be a shame if this was sent to all the important people in Panem, now wouldn’t it? Unfortunate indeed.” I opened the vial and burned the hair in the candle, along with the document as the words faced the camera. “And I’m guessing that was important, wasn’t it? Ms. Aurora Dewpoint wouldn’t keep it otherwise. Certainly not for sentimental reasons. Well, I hope this finds you well, Ms. Carmine. Go fuck yourself.” I gave her a beautiful middle finger and then cut off the video.

Hugo grinned in the background and spoke once I was done. “You got a real way with words, hat lady.”

I grinned back at him and blew out the candle. “Thanks!”

And of course, a voice just had to yell at us right after that. “Who are you and what are you doing here?”

Steve? From training? I tossed the candle and matches farther down the alley before turning to Steve with a radiant smile. Fake fear dripped through my voice. “Oh, Steve, you found us! We were so lost. It’s fortunate we ran into you.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure the other Peacekeeper who led us out here was just trying to get in trouble.” Hugo faked nervousness. Nice.

“And then he just left us. The rude man. He should be reported.”

Steve just stared at us before he stuttered a little. “You—you’re supposed to be dead!”

“And you’re supposed to be the head of the Counterintelligence Department.” Hugo actually sounded pleasant, like it was a compliment. “But life ain’t fair and nobody’s perfect, so here we are.” I had to suppress a snort of laughter.

Steve just spluttered some more. “I—I have to take you in for questioning!”

I shrugged. Fine. Whatever. “We have nothing to hide. Be my guest.” I hadn’t broken any rules. Ha. And I wouldn’t let them say Hugo had either. As Steve led us away, Hugo gave me a look of confidence, and I grinned back at him.

Steve took us to a Peacekeeper building and put us in a bare room with mirrors on all the walls. He stared at us a little bit, opening his mouth a few times before he spoke. “I’ll be back.” And he left.

I winked over at Hugo. “Thanks. Let’s screw with him some more.” I pulled out my collapsible hat, which I had been smart enough to bring, and uncollapsed it. I took my mom’s necklace out first, just in case Steve decided to take the hat, and put it around my neck, hidden under my shirt. I grinned. “And let’s have some fun.” Hugo didn’t say anything, but he smiled the perfect evil smile.

When he came back in, Steve looked a little put together, but then he froze and stared between us. He stuttered again. “So—so what were you two doing out there when you were supposed to stay in your rooms?”

I sighed. “You sound just like my mother.” Question: was I referring to the fact that I didn’t have a mother or to Volt, who was like a mother to me now? I didn’t even know. “But we told you. A Peacekeeper dragged us out there and just left us. You should be questioning him instead.”

“Then you could play good cop, bad cop together instead of, y’know, letting yourself be outnumbered. By two completely innocent zombies who were just following directions.” Hugo sounded completely innocent. Beautiful.

He looked hopelessly lost. “You—no one was sent to take you anywhere. You’re lying…” He trailed off, so that meant he didn’t really believe that. Ha.

I went for the kill. I batted my eyes at him, and he gulped. “Would we ever lie to you?”

“Yeah. C’mon, buddy. We go way back,” Hugo chimed in. “Name one time we’ve led you astray, eh? You can’t.”

He flushed at that. Probably remembering a certain training day with a certain lady pretending she didn’t know how to use any weapons. Wasn’t me, though. “You—I…”

I sauntered forward and took his hand, looking up at him all innocent. “Find the person who’s really responsible for this, won’t you Mr. Peacekeeper, sir?”

“You wouldn’t let injustice go undone on your watch, would you?” Hugo delivered the finishing blow, putting his hands together under his chin to look like a disconcerting, pleading, too-old-to-be-a-child human.

Steve took one glance at me after his eyes skirted away from Hugo, and he flushed. Poor fellow. This was too easy. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t say anything, and the door opened to save him. Churi. Of course.

But he also look dumbfounded, so ha. He frowned. “Why would you throw all your promises away for an outing that has no gain for you?”

Middle finger. C’mon, that was just an instinct now whenever I saw him. “Actually, I’ve followed my one promise to the letter. As best I can before the Capitol even shows me off on TV. I only agreed to be cooperative on TV.”

The good thing was that Churi was only paying attention to me. His lips thinned, and his eyes burned with anger, and he started to say something, but he stopped himself and thought. “Actually, you’re right. And I should have seen you pulling a loophole like that. I will not let that happen again.” His eyes landed on the necklace, and he smirked. “I’m glad you still have that lost memento of your past.”

I clenched my jaw for a little bit before I could bite out any words through a smile. “Since we didn’t break any rules, surely there can’t be a punishment. Escort us back with the stern talking-to you’re planning.”

Churi nodded and started walking, and I looked back at Hugo with a wink and a grin. “Thanks for being here! It was fun!” I whispered.

“Yeah! I’m glad it worked out, more or less.” He gave me a thumbs up back. It was awesome to have someone on my side.

Once we got back to the apartment, but before he could lock me up again, I looked over at him with an innocent smile. “Do you happen to have Indigo Carmine’s phone number? I’d like to thank her for today.” Banking on the fact that he probably didn’t like her too.

A smile crept across his lips, and he wrote down a number. “Thank her as much as you would like.”

I grinned and snagged it before slamming the door to my room in his face. I would send the video tomorrow morning.

[mayacvstillo]

— 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘: 𝐌𝐀𝐘𝐀!

“Las mejores canciones del mundo y solo mi opinión importa.” 

(i). tras de mí - rbd: una guitarra y mi niñez. la escuela y mi primera vez. amigos que no he vuelto a ver se van quedando tras de mí. (ii). solita - kali uchis: solita, solita. bailando aquí sola, como a mí me gusta. solita, solita. bailando aquí sola és mejor que con el diablo. (iii). daylight - joji & diplo: and I have been a hero all, helpless, i’m in hell. and I've cried up and down in these hallways blamed myself. (iv). empire state of mind - jay-z, alicia keys: in new york. concrete jungle where dreams are made of. there's nothin' you can't do. now you're in new york. these streets will make you feel brand-new. big lights will inspire you. let's hear it for new york. (v). mala santa - becky g: no soy ni mala ni santa. tráeme alcohol pa' que se moje la garganta. una como yo, a ti te hace falta. calladita, pero a veces soy mala. empiezo y no quiero parar. (vi). she’s thunderstorms - arctic monkeys: she's thunderstorms in an unusual place. when you feeling far away, she does what the night does to the day. (vii). downtown (feat. j balvin) - anitta: en las noches soy yo la que define todo lo que va pasar. a mi no me tienes que mandar.

BONUS TRACKS: 

(viii). veneno - anitta: porque yo soy tu veneno controlando tu cuerpo, tú me das lo que quiero. soy tu veneno, estás jugando con fuego. cuidao', que te quemo.

(ix). dákiti - bad bunny x jhay cortez: hace tiempo le rompieron el cora'. estudiosa, puesta pa' ser doctora pero le gustan los títere' wheeleando motora. yo estoy pa' ti las 24 hora'.

(x). finding my way home - far caspian: i could find my strength. step back, rebuild. all the damage has been done so it seems i've lost my time.

(xi). walk away (from “high school musical 3″) - vanessa hudgens: i've got to let it go, start protecting my heart and soul 'cause i don't think i'll survive a goodbye again, not again! just walk away and don't look back 'cause if my heart breaks, it's gonna hurt so bad. you know i'm strong, but i can't take that.

(xii). yeah right - joji: i'ma fuck up my life. we gon' party all night. she don’t care if I die. yeah right, yeah right.

(xiii). 7 - catfish and the bottleman: and I don't think through things, i never get time 'cause I don't think things through.

(xiv). la luz (fín) - kali uchis, jhay cortez: vamo' a hacer cosa', tú tan hermosa. callaíta' pero peligrosa. tú me gustas, mami, tú me la explota'. con ese cuerpo se te nota que rebota.

(xv). into the unknown (from “frozen 2″) - idina menzel, aurora: i've had my adventure, i don't need something new. i'm afraid of what i'm risking if i follow you into the unknown. 

[sableu3]

Day 37

100 Days of 100 Prompts

Clarke jerks up and looks around with wide eyes. Everything around her seems much larger than normal like it was made for someone twice her size and it’s that detail that sticks out to her first. Then she sees the actual objects and metal walls and knows she’s on the ark, or part of it. She doesn’t remember the rooms being so large though. As she stumbles out of bed she notices her feet and hands are smaller and her center of gravity is different. She stumbles on skinny legs and looks down at herself in horror. Her first thought, embarrassingly, is ‘My boobs are gone.’ Her next thought as she stares at her gangly limbs is, ‘What age am I?’ She rushes out of her room and over to her parents room. She slides the door open and runs up to her dad who looks younger than she ever remembers seeing him before. “Dad!” She shakes his shoulder and he grumbles, “Dad! Get up!” “What is it, pumpkin?” He mumbles as he sits up in bed. “How old am I right now? What year is it?” She’s actually in a full blown panic by the time he squints at her. Jake rubs his hand over his face and sighs before getting up and leading her into the living room. He sits on the couch and Clarke doesn’t exactly scramble up but it’s a close thing, she has to hop a bit for her butt to clear the cushion. “Now, what’s this all about? Did you have a bad dream?” “No. When I went to bed last night I was 24 years old and my daughter was sleeping next to me. When I woke up I looked like this and we are back on the Ark. I have no idea what’s going on but I need to get back to Madi. God!” She bursts out as another thought occurs to her, “Bellamy is going to panic when he finds out I’m gone. Dad, I have to get back to my family!” She’s breathing sharply and Jake is fully awake after her mini tirade. “Okay, calm down Clarke.” His mind races, “You said you were 24 when you went to bed last night. You have 24 years worth of memories or did you just dream of being older?” He’s trying to get her to see logically that this is just a product of a dream. “No, I have 24 years worth of memories. Ask me anything.” Clarke understands his process by now and knows he will need to work through his own steps to come to terms with this. The familiar cool logic of her dad does help to calm her though. “Okay, What do we do for your birthday next year?” “I don’t even know how old I am right now so I don’t know which birthday you’re asking about.” She rolls her eyes at him. He smiles and answers, “You’re six Clarke.” She nods and then thinks, “That was a really long time ago. I know Wells got sick for one of my early birthdays. You got me a sketchpad for my 8th birthday.” She tries to think back but huffs in exasperation, “It doesn’t matter, it’s not like you’ll know if I’m telling the truth or not.” She thinks about it for a minute and tries to think if there is anything she knows, that she shouldn’t at this age, that would prove her story. “Okay, look, I’m just gonna tell you what I remember happening.”

[She can tell him football scores from the games they watched when she was older. He can check on the tv/tablet She tells him about the oxygen problem and going to earth. That there are people there who survived and they can too but another apocalypse is coming. She tells him about Bellamy and his sister Octavia after SWEARING him to silence on the matter. Like, don’t you dare do anything to hurt them! She explains everything that happened on the ground and about the grounders. He takes it all in and looks stunned. He grabs a recorder and asks her to start over. She huffs out a sigh but does and he stops and asks her questions sometimes. She answers. She even speaks a couple phrases in Trig for him and explains the language. They take a break and Abby wakes up at some point and goes to work after being vaguely waved off by Jake. “So you believe me?” Clarke asks. Jake looks mildly disturbed, “There are too many details for this to be a random dream. I don’t know what I believe other than that I need to look into this. If any of this is true… “ He shakes his head and they start again. Maybe he asks if she knows where Bellamy lives, wants to verify Octavia. She tells him everything she knows about the Blakes but other than the fact that they’re from Factory station she has no idea where to find them. He looks it up and they head off. She again swears him to silence and makes him promise to not hurt them or scare them. Aurora answers the door and Bellamy is still there (maybe its the weekend and not a school day) Clarke grins and rushes up to hug Bellamy. Jake smiles nervously and asks if they can come in and talk to her about something. They step in and Aurora shuts the door behind her. There’s no couch or anything to sit on, it’s just one room. He apologizes and explains that his daughter had this crazy dream about Bellamy and Octavia and thinks they are going to go to Earth with her. Aurora is freaked out obviously. Jake can see it in her face and rushes to reassure her that they wont tell anyone, he justed wanted to verify his daughters story because it’s crazy but it could save lives. And maybe Bellamy or Octavia remembers too. Maybe O knocks on the floor and Bellamy jumps before giving his mom a nervous look. She nods and they open the hiding spot for O to crawl out.

She has a triumphant look on her face and rushes to hug Clarke. “I told him it was true, they didn’t believe me! Hi Clarke!” “Octavia! You remember it all too?” She’s stunned and excited. “Getting locked up in the skybox, Bel shooting that asshole to get on the drop ship and coming to earth with us, Lincoln.” The last bit is said so wistfully that Clarke hugs her. “What’s the last thing you remember? For me, it was six years after praimfaya and fucking McCreary dropped that hydrolythium bomb on Shallow Valley. We had just made it up to the Eligius ship and were figuring out what to do. I went to sleep with Madi in my arms and then woke up here.” “Same for me. I remember talking to Diyoza and getting left out of those discussions.” Her voice is slightly bitter which sounds odd on a five year old. Clarke’s face scrunches up, “O,” she hesitates. Octavia waves it off, “No, I get it. I was Blodreina. I don’t know if I can be redeemed from that.” Clarke’s features harden, “You did what you had to do to ensure the survival of your people.” She falters a moment and then adds, “in the bunker. Out of it… “ She gives a big sigh, “It’ll just take some time. You know all the things Bellamy and I have put each other through and we always forgive each other.” Octavia snorts, “That’s different. It’s you and Bellamy. The two of you would die for each other. In fact, you have.” She says pointedly, “You stayed behind during Praimfaya so that he could make it back to the ring and live. No matter how much shit you put each other through,” O shakes her head, “It was a shitty situation for everyone. You forgave him for putting the flame in your daughters head, Clarke. He’ll forgive you for leaving him in the fighting pits to save her.” She hesitates and then adds, “I am sorry by the way... for sending out that assassin.” Clarke bites her lip and then shakes her head, “You had to have known I would kill him. I don’t know why you tried honestly. But I get why you did it. We’ll be okay.”

Jake and Aurora are stunned. Bellamy is just looking back and forth between them as they talk. Bellamy would be 11 years old right now.

“Even if it was a really detailed dream, kids don’t talk like that. Hell, adults don’t talk like that. That’s not normal, right?” He asks as he looks to Aurora. She shakes her head vaguely with her mouth still hanging open.

“Um, sorry, dad. We’ll switch to trig for personal conversations so we don’t freak you out.” “I don’t think it would help much to hear my daughter speaking in another language she learned on the ground.” Clarke shrugged, “It might.”

So anyway, Bellamy starts asking questions now that he knows it’s real. He humored O before but he pays more attention now. Octavia has no problem answering any of them but Clarke reminds her he’s still just a kid and tells her to not freak him out too much. O snorts, “At least I don’t have to deal with you two making gooey eyes at each other at this age.” Clarke kicks her lightly

Later they go to bed and wake up when they are older. Do they time jump to like 10-11 years old and then 15-16 and so on or just all the way back to the future? If we do short jumps forward, we can see more gradually how things happen. Like maybe the first five years are spent trying to fix the oxygen. Then after that it’s about getting the exodus project up and running. Maybe Abby runs for chancellor and gets it instead of Jaha. Maybe with each jump the memories get fuzzier because the past is changing. So eventually they get the Ark fixed up to last a while longer and take the exodus down early. They will be dealing with a young Lexa as commander and Clarke or Jake in Clarke’s place will warn her about Costia’s capture by Queen Nia. So they have time to explain to Lexa, deal with the bunker situation, get night blood made, negotiate with the mountain men, and find another bunker to fix up like The Greenbrier in WV. Obviously the Blakes get on the Exodus. Maybe they hold a lottery for all stations to have a chance once they have the essential personnel selected. Clarke of course argues for certain people and warns against others. So they are on the ground and praimfaya is over and eden is crawling with scientists and farmers and builders. They use Monty’s algae idea to make the soil arable and start trying at the edges of eden and around the bunkers. Eligius comes down and gets accepted easily(ish) after someone snipes McCreary. Or Jake explains the situation to Diyoza and she does it herself. So they’ve got homes built and a farm and are spreading out and repopulating when Clarke and Octavia come to. They are shocked by the differences and their old memories start to fade and have that dream like quality to them. Octavia is married to Lincoln and they have a two year old daughter. Clarke is married to Bellamy and they have a kid or two as well. Everyone is happy. HEA

(Just to explain a bit of my thought process: They couldn’t just stay in their younger bodies with their older memories because then Clarke and Bellamy would never be equals at all. So they go back to being kids with no memories of what happened but Jake has his recording and Clarke was thorough. The two families remain close and of course Bellamy remembers what the girls talked about. Eventually when she is old enough, they do develop crushes on each other and try dating. The girls had everything explained to them when they were old enough but don’t really remember it, until later at least and by then it just seems like a bad dream.)

[infinitycircuit]

Tomie doesn’t remember standing, but she is on her feet. She’s ringing from within, a million bells, lithophones in the lowest pit of Hell where all truth-seekers and puzzle-solvers get their answers. 

She’s going insane, she’s pretty sure. She’s exploded into nanoparticles and she’s standing in hundreds of places right now, living thousands of lives. But for the first time, she can’t tear herself away from the body of Tomie Katsukawa. She is seeing everything. She’s feeling everything. 

She is every final girl. She is every masked murderer. She is big enough to fill a room on her own and she is blazing with love, love, love.

“I can hate all fucking three of you, how’s that?”

And her fathers taught her — after Yone left her, ten years old, sobbing until she made herself sick in a funeral home where boards are joined by pain so old and so deep it aches your teeth just to stand inside — that love is when you ask for what you want. Love is when the other person gives it to you. If they can’t or they won’t, they don’t love you. 

If you don’t ask questions, you’re not in love.

If you hurt someone and don’t apologize, you don’t love them. If you don’t get angry when you’ve been hurt by them, you’re not in love. You’re just scared of being alone.

Tomie was so bad at articulating what she wanted, so bad at talking, period, that her dads worked out a system of giving her choices. Did she want to eat at the table or should they all eat together in her room? Did she want to talk about why she was crying or watch a movie? Would it be better to get a hug right now or spend some time alone?

They taught her to ask for what she wanted and believe in a love free from fear.

Maybe she’s a bad daughter. It’s taken her a couple tries to learn it.

She promises herself she will never be afraid again.

“Because you, Noguchi, guess fucking what? You apologized to me before, too, and said all that shit about not wanting to be that guy, and then just now you called me a stupid bitch again with your life on the line. You are that fucking guy, you are that guy in your blood-black marrow, and you know what that guy does? He apologizes only to take the heat off, and he waits until he thinks everybody else has forgotten, and then he sticks his cock right back in the fucking light socket because he’s too mean and too stupid to do anything else. You are fucking stupid, Alice is right about that, but you are also mean as a starving rat, and you are not ever going to do anything to benefit anyone in this room except them.”

She would point, but she doesn’t have to. Her voice, ragged from crying over Keiji, is rubbing her throat raw. Her puzzle is clutched in her hand.

The fire in her is love for Keiji, who died for her when everyone needed him more. It is love for Aurora, who lay on her bed and wiped her tears with a thumb and agreed they’d go on a practice date, like two reasonable adult women cautious of a head-over-heels fall.

Love for Mugen, who found her hiding in the shed and let her sit with her head on his shoulder while he talked. Love for Akaji, who told her she wasn’t a bitch. Love even for Lindsay Tsai, who she had consigned to the heap until they ate dinner together in front of the fireplace and he let her in on a screening of Smoked Meat: The Lindsay Tsai Tstory (Banned Cut). 

“Them.”

“A girl who talked a big game about how much she looked forward to death, who bragged about the time her sister’s spent taking mob money to chop up corpses and tried to make me guess what her job in the traveling shit-pit is, and then snapped like balsa wood when one thing upset her. When she finally went through one hard thing she couldn’t pretend to be better than, all she can do is wave a knife around and look at us with that fucking face on her face. 

“A girl whose way of loving all of us is to confuse us, to lie to us, to put us in danger, to make promises that mean nothing and then threaten to knife us if we want to get close to people who killed someone she swore to protect. You told me you treated me like shit out of love? I can return the favor, Karasu, baby. You are a moron with a costume, a serial killer journal of ideological scraps and a couple knives, exactly like every one-bit maniac who kills their entire family on the local news. XOXO.”

And it is love for Alice Kishinami.

Alice, who helped her study so she’d be able to attend the film school where the director Kiyoshi Kurosawa taught. They were both adoptees, she discovered, but Tomie’s fathers were warmer than the Kishinamis and they were happy to have Alice in their house for long study sessions, for movie nights, for dinner. Alice loved fighting games, and so did Iemon.

Alice needed someone to throw their arms around her and kiss her cheeks, mwah mwah mah, when she got into med school. Tomie could provide.

They were happy to have her. Tomie was glowing to have her. The pair of them were so young and so smart and so determined. They were poised to be so successful. They were so much the same.

Tomie was sure Alice would be at her wedding. She couldn’t not picture them together as adults.

College got in the way, and Kureha got in the way, and Emma got in the way, and emails went unreturned on both sides. But that only made her adjust the timeframe. Someday she would reconnect with Alice and it would be the thing she’d imagined: Two adults who’d clawed their way to to the top and never stopped and made their dreams come true. Alice would be at her wedding when she was a glamorous older woman with a single white streak in her curls.

When they were paired together as roommates, she was overjoyed. When she began to feel Alice’s thoughts in her head, she thought no one better. 

“And a doctor who thought it was their right to euthanize Kacchan like a fucking dog. Who is taking the spotlight away from Noguchi, just like he’s taking it away from her, fucking dueling banjos with our lives at eight in the morning.”

She still loves Alice Kishinami. It’s too bad Alice Kishinami is dead. Has been dead. Died when Tomie was doing night shoots for other people’s movies and Alice was doing rounds an ocean away.

Tomie has been grasping this whole time and coming up with fistfuls of ash from a hospital crematorium. Jamming her fingers into pits of needles.

She braces her hands against the table and leans forward.

“Because Keiji and I thought about playing this game, a million years ago. We mapped it out for a worst-case scenario back at the beach. It’s called Murder on the Orient Express. A bunch of people commit one murder, creating so much evidence that the detective can’t sort it out. They leave a body with right-handed and left-handed stab wounds. They leave footprints in all different sizes. They give different confessions, or say there's some secret other person on the train who matches all the descriptions at once. The point is to confuse the investigators so much that they give up — or, if you’re on this train, that they pick somebody who was involved but who didn’t deliver the killing blow. Everyone involved agrees to roll the dice together and accept they might die or they might get out.

“I asked Kei who he’d want to get out. He said Kacchan, but Kacchan would never kill anyone, even if Keiji asked him, so it was moot. And he wouldn’t pick anyone else as the killer, either, because if we rolled the dice, Kacchan’s number might come up. I told him I wouldn’t come back to it unless Kacchan died.

“So now I’m back on it. Because I remember the idea, and I remember it was a pretty fucking good one. And I would’ve felt okay about it if we could get, oh, five or six people involved? Everyone we cared about back then, we’d let them in on the dice roll. We wouldn’t risk their lives without telling them.”

Love, love, love, teeth and claws sharpened on love, a knife pushed to its hilt into love. A Texas chainsaw screaming love through the dust and sunset from half a mile away. A surgical saw against an ankle, rasping love, love, love with every pull back and forth. 

“I think Kishinami and Noguchi risked our lives without telling us and they thought we’d all be too stupid to match coats and footprints and bandages and victims all together, even if we found them out. They agreed to a dice roll and they didn’t tell us the prize. 

“So now I think we know it, right? The prize is, get Kishinami and-or Noguchi out of here. If we have half a mistrial, every one of us has a 20% chance of getting one of Dogsaw’s punishments in their place. If we have a full mistrial, it’s 40%.

“You wanted to roll? We can still roll. But everyone’s in on the stakes. Kakeru can see if you’re bullshitting, and if you knife him, he’ll have more help than you do. We see your injuries, whether you have any. We figure out the rest, including where Magnolia comes in. And then everyone gets to decide if we fucking roll.”

She hocks the puzzle across the table like a die, and it skitters to a halt in front of the body-horror cluster that is Alice, Ume and Jinki. Merged, merged, like Society, like Dead Ringers, like people who wished to be together and got their wish.

“We play one big A/B game.” 

And Tomie is here, looking at them, because she wished to be with Alice Kishinami again. 

She got that, too. 

Hell is where all wishes are granted.

[sunflowerhae]

-> you’re mesmerized ✉

-> love! triangle (Jeno, Renjun, OC)

-> ♡ ☾ ✓

playlist• heather, conan gray/Something, The Beatles/ flowers in december, Mazzy Star/ A BOY IS A GUN*, Tyler the Creator/ love again, nct dream/ soft universe, AURORA/ butterflies, kacy musgraves•

──────── ❝ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 ❞

•December 3rd plays in your mind as u and Jeno stand by his locker on the first day back to school from winter break.

•although it was a month ago, u still remember it like it was yesterday

•u and Jeno had gone to the fair in your town

•the last one of the year. They called it the winter festival

•basic

•but ur friend group had a tradition of going together.

•everything was going fine, until you and Jeno had broken off from the group to look at the phat christmas tree.

•you had forgotten a sweater, and Jeno was more than willing to give u his, along w one of his famous eye smiles

•u swore up and down (In ur own head) that that was the day you knew you liked (loved) him

•Jeno couldn’t stop staring at you in it. And when u turned to him, all he said was

•”it looks even better on you than me.”

•and then he kissed u

•yeah

•so this is love

•you thought something would happen when you went back to school that Monday.

•but nothing came. Just Jeno refusing to meet ur eyes

•or talk to u://

•Jaemin said it was because he was scared and that you just needed to be patient

•u accepted it, and waited for the day he kissed u once more

•by Christmas break, y’all were back to being best buds™️

•and you thought maybe when Y’all returned for school, he would have worked up enough nerve to seal the deal w you

•but on that first day back

•in front of his locker

•Jeno locked eyes on the new girl, heather, for the first time

•the way he looked was absolutely beautiful.

•he had wide, open eyes

•and he couldn’t stop staring at her as she walked by and Laughed at something her tour guide said to her.

•yeah, he looked absolutely mesmerized

•but it wasn’t directed at you

•and you knew you lost him

•by lunch, heather was in your group

•turns out Jeno had history with her. And he wasn’t as “scared” as Jaemin said he was at making moves

•all the boys loved her, and while you really wanted to hate her

•u couldn’t deny that she was an absolute angel

•she had an eye smile, like Jeno

•and dimples

•and long, beautiful eyelashes

•and a beautiful laugh

•and she could keep up w haechans jokes, and chenji so easily called her noona, something they never did w you

•Jaemin tried flirting w her, but Jeno looked so protective over her, that Jaemin turned to you and shrugged while wrapping his arm around u

•u wanted to throw up when heather politely asked u and Jaemin how long u had been together

•and Jaemin threw his arm off u, and made gagging noises while the rest of the table laughed

•heather got red, and mumbled an apology to you while bowing.

•You wanted to hate her, you wanted to yell at her. But then, ppl would know that you liked Jeno. Jeno would know. And that was too embarrassing

•so you smiled at her, laughed, and shook your head while holding up a hand

•”Jaemin and me? Please, I’d rather die a lonely virgin with 50 cats”

•Heather laughed, and scooted closer to you, and said “it’ll be so nice to have a girl friend!”

•yes, u wanted to throw up.

•but u just wrapped your arm around her, like Jaemin did to u

•and reassured her that you two were already getting married, while she laughed

•over the course of the next two weeks, she spent more and more time with ur group

•and in three weeks, it was no longer just you and jeno by his locker every morning, but you, Jeno, and heather

•you and her were talking about how terrible the lunch food was

•when Jeno came up, and wrapped his arm around her shoulder Before giving her a kiss on her forehead, to which she blushed furiously for

•your mind went back to four nights ago, when heather scream texted u (“JSNSISHEVRB”) that Jeno had drove over to her house with milkshakes, took her to a park, and asked her to be his gf

•u cried all night, four nights ago

•after he says hello to u, y’all three talk for a while before the bell rings.

•Jeno and heather start walking towards class, talking about some random thing, while u walk slower in the back, basic third wheel style

•you couldn’t stop staring at their interlocked hands.

•u felt bad. Because heather had easily become ur best girl friend

•but u loved her boyfriend

•and u lowkey wanted her to die

•:/

•u felt like this wasn’t fair.

•u had known Jeno far longer than she did

•why did she get him?

•your thoughts silently went on like this for three more months after this incident.

•May 1st.

•every 1st, your group developed a routine of going to this cafe, just down the street from haechans house

•you would all order milkshakes and fries and sometimes burgers or onion rings

•and you would all just have a good time

•you were feeling a lil down today

•heather had told u that her and Jeno kissed for the first time, and said they loved each other

•to make literally all matters worse, she was wearing the sweater Jeno had let u wear, all those months ago

•the pain in ur heart had numbed. It didn’t hurt so bad anymore everytime you saw them w interlocked hands, or w his arm around her, like now, where they sat across from you in the half circle booth.

•you couldn’t stop looking as ur usual waiter, Jane, came up.

•”hey y’all, I hope you don’t mind, but we have a new worker that needs training, and since y’all are so sweet, I figured he could practice on you? Is that okay?” Her sweet southern bell accent made it hard to say no, not that your group of friends would anyway.

•u actually knew Jane quite well. She was in ur grade, and sat next to you in art.

•u loved her honestly

•u also loved how the blush on Haechan’s face increased, and he couldn’t look up to meet the sweet red heads eyes, which were actively looking at the young boy

•ah, young love

•u made a mental note to talk Haechan up to her tomorrow in art (which you texted Haechan under the table, and he looked up at u in surprise with a smile on his face)

•when u looked away from Haechan, up to the new waiter standing in front of you with a shaky voice and nervous eye

•u felt like the air was sucked out of u

•oh my God that’s the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen

•you knew u looked mesmerized

•wide eyes, open mouth

•u looked like jeno, three months ago

•jeno saw this

•he didn’t say anything, but he saw it

•tbh, jeno did like u on december 3rd

•and he was going to tell u he liked u on the first day back, after break

•but heather was,,

•amazing

•the one thing he ever needed

•his soulmate, he thinks

•that didn’t mean he still didn’t care for u

•but when u so willingly befriended heather, he thought u were okay

•so he never questioned it

•but the way you looked at the waiter,,

•he thought you looked mesmerizing

•so he was going to help u, bc u deserved it

•when the waiter got around the table and finally turned to you to ask for ur drink, he locked eyes on u and

•my man dropped his pencil pad

•he got so red, and went to pick it up, but halted when you started giggling at him

•he sent a smile ur way, then went to reach to get the pad

•renjun had liked u since freshman year

•he hated biology, but ur beautiful smile and the way you threw your head back when you laughed made it waayyyy more bearable

•he had never talked to you, and barely saw you when sophomore year came around

•but that didn’t mean he didn’t think abt u

•u were literally always on his mind

•he was so excited for Advanced Art 3 this year

•he had heard there was a lot of portrait drawings

•and he had gotten marked down before for drawing you for assignments when he wasn’t supposed to (not by much doe because they were THAT good)

•so he was excited to freely be able to draw u

•but bruh when he walked in and u were

•THERE

•ugh he was sad

•not that sad tho bc

•u were THERE

•he saw u a lot with the only other girl in ur friend group, so he felt too embarrassed to say hi

•but he promises his bsf, mark, that he would have if u were alone,,,

•all the damn time

•(mark don’t believe him doe, i agree)

•he had never looked directly into ur eyes

•which is why everytime he drew u, he felt like the eyes were wrong

•so wrong

•but he couldn’t place what it was

•but having u look into his eyes now

•my god he was so excited to go home and draw u

•but u,,,u were not excited

•bc wtf just happened

•u,,at the time,,didn’t know u had just met the loyl

•bc u had only ever really liked jeno before

•u decided to push that shit D O W N

•but jeno

•he was like “nah”

•he had said that he wanted to pay, and before anyone could argue (k like anyone would argue) he grabbed the bill and shuffled heather out of the seat so he could get out

•he grabbed her hand and walked towards the cash register, where jane was standing

•when u saw them holding hands it,,weirdly didn’t bother u

•all u could think abt was that beautiful waiters smile

•jeno and heather walked up to jane nd were like

•”jane, 🅱️ls get our waiter, we have to play cupid.”

•renjun: comes out from the kitchen

•jeno: “y/n, the girl sitting over there? yeah, this is her number”

•jeno: slides over the bill, w ur # written on it (he put it in the section that said “Tip_______” bc he thought he was funny. like, ur tip is a whole ass gf)

•renjun: blush

•jeno: “just tell her who u are bc she doesn’t know we’re doing this but we can tell y’all like each other uwu”

•renjun: huh *sweat*

•jeno: “mkay byeyeeeee”

•renjun indeed did text u that night

•after texting mark first (“JAJSNSNDBSBDBD BRUH GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED” “new phone who dis” “MARK DIS IS SERIOUS DIENDJAJSB”)

•and mark coached him through what to say

•so naturally, renjun looked like a fucking idiot

•but u thought it was cute uwu

•and u were sharpening ur ax to literally murder jeno uwu ❤️✨🌙😌

•when renjun asked u if u wanted to go on a date uwu

•and u were like “ummmm yeth”

•u agreed y’all would over the weekend

•but yet

•when u walked into art the next day and bumped into a rando

•and looked up

•and you and renjun locked eyes

•u had a feeling y’all would be hanging out sooner than the weekend

•the thought had u smiling wide while you said hello

fin.

──────── ❝ end ❞

[jcolden]

     ❝𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖔𝖓𝖑𝖞 𝖔𝖓𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖎𝖘 𝖞𝖔𝖚❞

                  – – a Julian Colden playlist.

1. “What It Means To Be Alone” The Dear Hunter

Oh, you were born with the sun And oh, you will die with the moon And everything you thought you had you lost But now you'd never lose what you don't have

Prayers from above Never answered quite enough Looking up Never offered you too much Now the only one you have is you

2. “If G-D Don’t Follow Me (Down This Road)” Trubdr. Adam Road, Danielle Parente

If God don't follow me down this road If God don't follow me down this road

When you try to live You want to die When everything you feel collides God don't follow me Down this road Down this road

3. “Hellfire” Barns Courtney

Run in an alleyway through a dead end street Murdering promises that I just can't keep We could sing pretty melodies On the unmade bed Slow-dancing to a silhouette Cause I ain't dead yet

Ain't no chariots of fire come to take me home I'm lost in the woods and I wander on

Hellfire, hellfire, take my soul I'm waiting, waiting, I'm ready to go Yeah, mothers, children, lock your doors I'm waiting I'm ready to go

4. “Bible Belt” Dry The River

You say "My love, you take the cards that you're dealt ‘Cause there's no guiding light arching a line to Bethlehem If it's dark outside, you light the fire yourself."

Darling, when the ice caps melt When the devil's in the bible belt Don't cower in your bed

I'll be on the 545 You can meet me at the railway line And don't look so scared

‘Cause we've been through worse than this before we could talk The trick of it is don't be afraid anymore Oh, the trick of it is don’t be afraid anymore

5. “Lord Have Mercy” Empires

I think I see things some other way I think I've marched as an angel into the devil's cage I wanna fuck up society and piss in its grave I wanna love somebody in a selfless way

It's time for the end and beginning to meet Time for what I lost to come back to me I wanna challenge my death by coming back to life I'm gonna do it all over, gonna make things right

Lord have mercy Lord have mercy Lord have mercy On me

6. “Grip” Seeb, Bastille

We got drunk on this unholy wine To deliver us from our own minds The promise of a better time 'Til we’re feeling barely human

We don’t know what’s good for us 'Cause if we did, we might not do it Who knows where our limits lie? We won’t discover ‘til we push it

'Cause the devil's got my arms And it pulls me back into the night And I should just walk away, away But it grips me 'Cause the devil's got my arms And it pulls me back into the night 'Cause the devil's got my arms And it pulls me back into the night

I would rather forget and wash my memory clean Oh, I would rather forget and wash my memory clean I would rather forget (would rather forget) Wash my memory clean Oh, I would rather forget And wash my memory clean

7. “That’s What Heaven Feels Like” The Dirty Nil

I'm a million impulse decisions tonight Back in the city, howling, but I won't bite Bored of a certain safety Got me a death wish, baby

No, I don't believe in the long romance No, no, no Crash, leave a flaming vapor trail and Maybe one slow dance 'Cause you wouldn't know how it feels Under the tread of your wheels

Caught up like a canine Howling in your headlights Rolling through the windshield That's what heaven feels like

8. “Arsonist’s Lullabye” Hozier

When I was sixteen, my senses fooled me Thought gasoline was on my clothes I knew that something would always rule me I knew this scent was mine alone

All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons Always keep them on a leash

When I was a man, I thought it ended When I knew love's perfect ache But my peace has always depended On all the ashes in my wake

9. “Let Me In” Snowmine

If you could you keep it together For a moment in time Then you'd see that I'd be Your excuse for a lover Your own mountain to climb You would see

I left my shoes under your bed But I left my body outside How did I get back into this mess? I kept telling myself the temptations would do me in And they did

10. “Heaven Help Us” My Chemical Romance

And will you pray for me? Or make a saint of me? And will you lay for me? Or make a saint of…

'Cause I'll give you all the nails you need Cover me in gasoline Wipe away those tears of blood again And the punchline to the joke is asking Someone save us

Heaven help us now Come crashing down And hear the sound As you fall

You don’t know a thing about my sins How the misery begins You don’t know So I’m burning, I’m burning I’m burning I’m burning again

11. “Strength Of The World” Avenged Sevenfold

Avenge the dead Killed all who crossed me in my path Suicidal I never planned on coming back I want it, I need it Revenge is dripping from my teeth Need nothing to feel power And bring the killers to their knees Nothing to lose, vengeance to gain (You know I’ll never be the same) So taste my breath, I'm close behind you (So desperate on your final day) Sorrow swallows my screams

Strength of the world is on my shoulders Strength of the world is on my side Strength of the world The one true beholder Ice in my veins for those who'll die

I've seen my family fade away You've taken my whole life There's nothing left to say

12. “We Are Nowhere And It’s Now” Bright Eyes

If you hate the taste of wine Why do you drink it 'till you're blind? And if you swear that there's no truth and who cares How come you say it like you're right? Why are you scared to dream of God When it's salvation that you want? You see stars that clear have been dead for years But the idea just lives on

I got no plans and too much time I feel too restless to unwind I'm always lost in thought As I walk a block To my favorite neon sign

I've been sleeping so strange at night Side-effects they don't advertise I've been sleeping so strange With a head full of pesticide

13. “Pain” Bilmuri

They abandon me 'Cause I'm not like them They hold me down And tell me what I am

I feel the death inside this place surround me I know that you will live only near to me

I feel the pain inside my lungs When you take away the ones that I love And I feel the pain with so few to trust When they fall away and say I'm not enough

When I have nothing, you're always with me, with me When I have nothing, I need you here, next to me Next to me

14. “The Brothel” Susanne Sundfør

Love I laid in payment Stars were stains in heaven and afterglow Beneath the ashes of echoes buried alive They are howling through hollows Once we share their temples Now our heads are hung up on walls

We are ruins within ruins On every corner a gladiator is begging for another century When no one cut your tongue To know nothing and to know it all To be both the animal and God

You cover your eyes You cover your mouth You cover your ears Still you follow my trail I’ll do all I’ll do whatever you say God has left me anyway

There are echoes in the garden Is anybody listening? There are echoes lost in the garden Is anybody listening? They whisper The ones who are only living Are the ones who are only dying

15. “Last Night I Watched Myself Sleep And I Saw Things That I Wish I Could Forget” Aurora View

A loss of breath, a pinch awake A melancholy kind of pain Hold out your tongue, let in the rain Keeping your eyes closed keeps you sane

What can you say when all of the words and all of the pain It won’t go away And you do, you do When nothing comes through I’m going insane I’m losing my faith

Feels abused and sedated It’s pulling me out of my skin But as I sway my intentions Despite misdirections Lead me back to where I begin

If I cut out my eyes What would I leave behind When monsters are all that I see? Cause I feel so alone And I hate to admit that I wish you away in my dreams

16. “Jesus Christ” Brand New

Well, Jesus Christ, I’m alone again So what did you do those three days you were dead? ‘Cause this problem’s gonna last more than the weekend Well, Jesus Christ, I’m not scared to die I’m a little bit scared of what comes after Do I get the gold chariot? Do I float through the ceiling?

Do I divide and pull apart? ‘Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark And this ship went down in sight of land And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands?

I know you come in the night like a thief But I’ve had some time, o Lord, to hone my lying technique I know you think that I’m someone you can trust But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up So do you think that we could work out a sign So I’ll know it’s you and that it’s over so I won’t even try I know you’re coming for the people like me But we all got wood and nails We turn, turn out hate in factories Yeah, we all got wood and nails We turn, turn out hate in factories Yeah, we all got wood and nails And we sleep inside of this machine

17. “Magnolia” Gang Of Youths

Still honking those horns, yeah, just drive around ‘Cause you’re all being ignored Deadpan and bright As I flip you the bird, I’m a pain in the ass Yeah, I’m a real piece of work Just waving my arms like some terrible mime And shaking my ass ‘till they kiss it goodbye Just show me the right things That I didn’t do Oh, enlighten me now With impossible love from the former you

Just tell everyone I know what I did, I did for us, and in haste ‘Cause I’m terrified of dying in vain

There’s no way tonight As far as I know That heaven will take me So I’m staggering home Wretched and wild All glory and trash Yeah, I’m drunk, but I’m ready To kick some fucking ass

No way tonight As far as I know That heaven will take me So I'm staggering home Fire of my loins, oh, light of my life We’re vastly outnumbered Every motherfucking time