#fuck Aurora that place is where dreams go to die

[p-oolshark]

Screaming crying throwing up and on the verge of ripping my hair out! 🥲

[silver-samurai]

[OC INTERVIEW: Eito "V"]

V: ...Are you a fucking badge?

Interviewer: No?

V: *scans* ...............I see. Go on if you must.

NICKNAME:

V will suffice. And, you may have heard of this... "Yurasaka" netrunner or som'thing? That's also me.

GENDER:

Technically cis male, but I don't care too much.

STAR SIGN:

I don't believe in star signs or shit like that, but if you really care that much, I'm a Libra - at least, this is what Misty told me.

HEIGHT:

Never checked and never cared about, but I must be taller than standard oriental people. I should ask Vik.

ORIENTATION:

Males only, better if bottom. Sorry ladies.

NATIONALITY/ ETHNICITY:

Pure-breed japanese, my parents were obsessed with this lineage. Guess I can also be considered half-american by now... Not that I like it.

FAVE FRUIT:

Bet you never heard of Hatsukoi no Kaori Ichigo. You can't find these randomly in the streets of course... Fuckin' rare and expensive, way more than regular fruits. Used to eat tons of these as a kid.

FAVE SEASON:

Between Autumn and Winter. Can't tell why I appreciate the vibe this much.

FAVE FLOWER:

There are too many, no clue. Anything, as long as it doesn't stink like hell.

FAVE SCENT:

Huh... Does the smell of new tech parts have a specific name?

Interviewer: Nope. Is it similar to a new car?

V: Kinda. I know it's a mix of gasses coming from the parts that have been treated, and expand a little over time with heat. Love it.

COFFEE, TEA, HOT CHOCOLATE:

Green tea in particular, but I do appreciate coffee. They can both be rich enough. No sugar of course.

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP:

Mh. 3 or 4, maybe...? Nah, must be less...

DOG OR CAT PERSON:

I have a cat, an old rockerboy and a fuckin' iguana if they both count as dogs.

Interviewer: ...Sorry but, this doesn't answer the question.

V: I know.

DREAM TRIP:

I know of places in north Europe where you can see aurorae... Looks so unreal, yet so fascinating, that I must see that with my own eyes.

FAVE FICTIONAL CHARACTER:

The terrorist in my head wasn't fictional, he'd be the one. Well, Japan has a pretty interesting folklore around youkai... mh. Is the Gashadokuro a "fictional" character?

NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH:

If Johnny counts, 4. If he doesn't, 2.

RANDOM FACT:

I have no idea where my parents were buried. I know that they died and how, but nothing more. I plan to find out, visit their tomb - 'cause I'm sure it's something too monumental to ignore, stare at their awful holo faces and spit on them wishing they can come alive in their damn coffins and die again. Just for the hell of it.

This was kinda funny alright :)

Tagging without pressure: @totentnz, @koda-shoulda-woulda-but-didnt, @vince-linder and anyone that'd like to do this!

[ecchs]

Full Name: Echo Jennifer Galaeus

Nicknames: Echs, Coco (don't fucking dare)

Pronouns and Gender: She/Her, Cis woman

Age: 36

Birth place: Baton Rouge, Lousiana

How long have they been in town?: 15 years

Sexuality: Bisexual

Housing: Aurora Bay Drive

Occupation: Owner @ Titanium Gym

@aurorabayaesthetic

THE LIFE IN BULLETPOINTS.

hailing from the great city of baton rouge, louisiana, echo was the eldest daughter of rick & josett galaeus - a former bounty hunter and a beauty pageant director

most of her childhood was spent primping and prepping to become miss usa -- a title that her mother desperately wanted to claim for her own, failed miserably, only to thrust her first born daughter into the limelight as soon as she could walk on a stage

for the most part, her childhood was miserable. every time she wanted to go off with her father, her mother would be determined to drag her kicking and screaming through the tropes of what is ladylike and etiquette-approved. meanwhile this often backfired in school, as echo had a tendency to get into fist fights and acting out throughout her school career

much of her time was spent on the road traveling tri-state for pageants under the management of her mother, winning little miss titles as she grew up

eventually her mother fell pregnant and had her little sibling, davis, who ended up becoming echo's semi-adopted child considering echo would end up being the one parenting her younger sibling. davis is, quite frankly, echo's entire world.

tw emotional abuse: because she wanted to shield davis from their mother's insistence and emotional abuse, echo would continue into teen miss competitions well into her high school career and eventually drop out to pursue Miss Louisiana once she was 18

she would go on to win several titles, and was supposed to be on the trajectory of Miss USA - the exact dream her mother always had

echo, however, chose to backfire this plan by cursing out the judges and created a viral moment that haunts her to this day, effectively ending her beauty queen career

taking the $$$ and running, in her mid-20s, echo wound up finding a home in aurora bay. she bought a rather expensive house in aurora bay drive, used said money to open the gym of her dreams, and never looked back since

she's since paid for her sibling's nursing career at duke university and continues to give money back to the community annually. although she does a lot of good deeds, no one would ever classify echo as charitable or kind - the opposite, actually. she tends to draw unruly behavior and oftentimes finds herself back in the same drama that has dragged like a ball and chain since she was fists clenched as a child

PERSONALITY.

+ disciplined, loyal, determined

- truculent, abrasive, relentless

BONUS ROUND.

knows how to twirl a baton. will throw one at you if you ask her to do it.

passionate about the die hard film franchise

is aware her name is a little insane when you consider jennifer is her middle name

has an affinity for barrel cheese balls

once landed a role on law & order: svu and bombed the guest spot

has a chonky ginger cat (kramer) & an elderly shih tzu (zoe) that she rescued while living in aurora bay

has a very thick southern drawl (no i will not be writing it)

has an issue where, if she sleeps with someone, it will be like a stage five clinger curse - aka she falls in love pretty fast after getting physical, so she avoids relationships and intimacy like the plague

CURRENT CONNECTIONS.

made-up enemy / loyal patron / accidental hook up - santiago de leon

former 'college' friend - ben hyun

stress shamwow / camping buddy - caleb majhi

old friend / gossip buddy - van gable

mentor / older sister vibes - cricket campbell

business connection - angel rojas

boss of @ titanium gym - baz howlett

titanium gym member / friend - gideon green

acquaintance / friend - mei huang

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

friendly.

lousiana childhood friends / family friends / employees at titanium gym / ride or dies / older friend good influences / younger friends that she takes care of / friends in general / drinking buddies / new friends / positive influences

romantic

ex-flings / unrequited crush (can be either way) / exes from high school / the one that got away / flirtationships

antagonistic.

enemies (i can imagine she has a lot lol oops) / people who are not a fan of her in general / former friends / frenemies / exes on bad terms / rivals / negative influences

[crimeronan]

Ok so I’m into the dreamer trilogy and haven’t read the Raven cycle...what is Declan’s characterisation/journey there?

THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST ASK I’VE EVER RECEIVED. IMAGINE I’M STANDING WITH MY ARMS SPREAD USING DIFFERENT VOICES AND HAND GESTURES TO REENACT THIS STORY FOR A RESENTFUL CAPTIVE AUDIENCE

also declan’s TRC storyline is like. equal parts horribly fucking sad and unbelievably fucking hilarious so. i will try to strike a Balance

FIRST OFF.  there is exactly one (1) declan POV chapter in the entire series. it happens toward the end of the last book. up until then, everything we know about him comes from the observations and narration of others.

he is also a very minor character.  his importance grows throughout the series, but almost all of his actions happen offscreen.  it’s not until the last book that we know exactly how much he’s been dealing with the whole time.

when he’s introduced in the first book, he appears as a plot device.  here is a two-dimensional horrible controlling hardass who doesn’t give a shit about anything but his future political career.  look at his fake, smug fucking grin.  how did someone like ronan end up with a brother like him??  doesn’t matter.  it’s a convenient excuse for ronan to live with his best friend in a drafty warehouse, which means more room for YA hijinks!

declan’s introduction scene is Embroiled in Capital-D Douchebaggery. according to the narration (from gansey and adam), he loves to fuck women and then never call them back, cozy up to powerful people, and bitch about how ronan’s ruining his life by being sad about their dead parents.  SOME people can just get over their dead parents, ronan!

this intro scene is also Extremely Funny i 100% recommend reading it even if u don’t read the actual series.  ronan makes a nasty comment, declan goes “why are you the way that you are” and tries to salvage his date, gansey utters the phrase “man whore”

then later that night things go like. actually bad.

declan shows up at the same pizza place where ronan is with his friends.  this scene is gansey pov.  gansey runs out to the parking lot to find the two of them Very Literally Trying To Kill Each Other.  you don’t see that violence in cdth - there’s only the TINIEST shadow of it when declan confronts ronan over matthew - so i Cannot Express Enough that someone is going to end up hospitalized at BEST. ronan’s already slammed declan’s head on the car, declan’s already grabbed ronan and beaten the shit out of his face, like.

you do not get good old-fashioned Declan Lynch At His Actual Worst in cdth. u might be thinking, THAT guy???? doing THIS????

oh yeah. things are real bad between declan and ronan.

after gansey breaks up the fight (and gets punched in the face for his trouble, albeit accidentally), declan tells ronan that their dad would be fucking ashamed to see him now & that he’s washing his hands of it & basically if ronan wants to go off and fucking die, he can.

this is like. just a couple months after the magical suicide attempt referenced in cdth

in the aftermath of that scene it becomes clear that ronan absolutely unequivocally 100% will kill himself if he has to live with declan. hence. why he’s living with gansey instead.  gansey spends that whole night petrified that the declan altercation will lead to another attempt, and for Good Reason

so like, that’s how we first meet declan. he’s an uncaring wannabe corporate asshole who does not give a fuck and who only exists to exacerbate ronan’s mental health issues.

but then the opening of book 2 gets real interesting.

book 2 is where we start learning more about the lynch family.  we learn that ronan’s father was a dreamer who sold his creations on the black market, we learn that that’s why he was murdered. we learn that ronan’s a dreamer too. we learn that there are very powerful people looking for the greywaren, an artifact that takes objects from dreams. those powerful people just don’t realize it’s a person, yet.

so here’s the assassin who killed niall lynch.

he goes to declan’s dorm.

with everything we know about declan, the kid should be completely unprepared.  he can box, but the assassin knows that, so there’s no real advantage.  he’s alone, and he doesn’t have an escape route.

declan pulls out a gun.

this is an unexpected turn of events.

unfortunately he ends up getting beaten half to death with the butt of said gun, because he loses the ensuing physical struggle for the weapon.  the assassin is like, i need the greywaren.  declan is like, i know it exists but i don’t know what it is.  i’ll find it for you.  i’ll get it to you.  then you’ll leave me the fuck alone

now with everything we know of declan at this point - his attitude toward ronan, his general demeanor, and this new knowledge that he knew about the black market - there’s one obvious question.

will declan sell ronan out if he finds out about the dreaming.

and like, okay. their relationship is antagonistic in cdth but it is NOT what it is in trc. believe me when i tell you that at that point, when you’re reading, you can pretty reasonably go, “oh, god.  oh god.  oh god please no one ever tell declan what the greywaren is.  oh god.”

declan has some other interactions with ronan and the gang throughout the book, mostly where he’s just a hardass who tells ronan to stop causing trouble.  adam’s the only one who notices that declan is scared.  like bone-deep shaking to the core petrified.  about Something.

probably getting beaten to within an inch of his life by the man who murdered his father.  that’s the reasonable reader conclusion.

so imagine how everything changes when you find out that declan already knows.  that declan’s known about ronan’s dreaming for longer than ronan has.  that declan knew exactly what and who the greywaren was, and he lied to a man who was ready to torture him for information, and he got away with it.

suddenly a lot of things recontextualize.

“keep your head down and stop making trouble”? people are gonna NOTICE your magic bullshit, ronan, we do not have time for this!

“stop hanging with that loser druggie friend of yours”? you mean the loser druggie friend who sells on the magic black market and doesn’t care about protecting himself or anyone else?

“i got super weird for no reason about ronan sleeping close to adam”? i don’t have fucking TIME to be homophobic i’m busy with your POTENTIAL TO MANIFEST NIGHT TERRORS IN FRONT OF WITNESSES IN BROAD DAYLIGHT

“i’ll find out what the greywaren is and bring it to you”? i’ll die. i’m making a bargain to die. i’m never giving you the greywaren and i know you’re going to kill me about it and that’s fine as long as my brothers are safe

ronan doesn’t know that he dreamed matthew.  declan knows.  he’s known the whole time.  declan tells ronan in book 3.  and then things recontextualize even further, because ronan’s death is also matthew’s, and matthew IS close to declan in trc.

but declan never tells the goddamn truth unless it’s his last option.  he doesn’t tell ronan that he knows about the dreaming and he doesn’t tell ronan what specifically wants to hurt him and the lack of communication fucking destroys both of them.

in the last book, ronan realizes declan loves him.

more than that, he realizes declan’s loved him the whole time.

this is when declan finally tells the truth.  things are getting bad, plot-wise, and declan is scared, so he comes clean.  he tells ronan that niall specifically tasked declan with protecting ronan from the market.  he begs ronan to run from the danger.  “let’s pour gasoline on everything dad left and start over.”

this is also when ronan realizes that declan’s childhood was very different from ronan’s own.  and that niall and aurora lynch were not the same people to declan that they were to ronan.  and that their father’s decisions are what’s driven the wedge between him and declan all this time

(he’s still struggling with the cognitive dissonance of this in cdth. i don’t think he knows how to adjust his perception of declan to fit this new information.)

aaaaand the final scene with declan makes me cry every time i read it so instead of summarizing, here’s the important part:

Ronan delivered a sharp tap to the object, and a small cloud of fiery orbs sprayed up with a sparkling hiss.

“Jesus, Ronan!” Declan jerked his chin away.

“Please. Did you think I’d blow your face off?”

He demonstrated it again, that quick tap, that burst of brilliant orbs. He tipped it into Declan’s hand, and before Declan could say anything, jabbed it to activate it once more.

Orbs gasped up into the air. For a moment, he saw how his brother was caught inside them, watching them soar furiously around his face, each gold sun firing gold and white, and when he saw the spacious longing in Declan’s face, he realized how much Declan had missed by growing up neither dreamer nor dreamt. This had never been his home. The Lynches had never tried to make it Declan’s home.

“Declan?” Ronan asked.

Declan’s face cleared. “This is the most useful thing you’ve ever dreamt. You should name it.”

“I have. ORBMASTER. All caps.”

“Technically you’re the orbmaster though, right? And that’s just an orb.”

“Anyone who holds it becomes an ORBMASTER. You’re an ORBMASTER right now. There, keep it, put it in your pocket. D.C. ORBMASTER.”

Declan reached out and scuffed Ronan’s shaved head. “You’re such a little asshole.”

The last time they’d stood on this roof together, their parents had both been alive, and the cattle in these fields had been slowly grazing, and the world had been a smaller place. That time was gone, but for once, it was all right.

The brothers both looked back over the place that had made them, and then they climbed down from the roof together.

[ezrisdax-archive]

fantasy high time loop. starstuck odyssey timeloop. LEVERAGE TIME LOOP

send me a fandom and I'll tell you how I'd do a time loop episode

God I’m trying to imagine the absolute chaos that would come from Brennan getting to do a time loop. Probably would take first place in the time loop list but okay, for this it’s just about the chaos.

Fantasy high

I mean it’s the bad kids, it’s always about the chaos but you know any one of them stuck in the loop would immediately do something stupid and get it reset. I also don’t think it would be possible to just do one kid stuck in a loop given the format so you would have to have all six. Adaine and Riz would be taking notes and seriously trying to break it while also Adaine would probably do things like call the others elves out and be like “this is your oracle speaking, shut up”. Riz would get distracted and use the time to also solve a mystery that’s been bugging him or something while also getting so anxious about the loop because what if it does have an end and that end is the end of the world.

Fabian, Kirsten, Fig, and Gorgug are more just going with the flow. Like Gorgug would either be helping Adaine and Riz or using the time to get to know his dad more. Fig would be making new songs and testing them out and also taking advantage of the time to take Ayda places except I could see her getting frustrated in partway because Ayda doesn’t remember the dates from before since she’s not in the loop. Kirsten is out there trolling as many people as she can and def pretends at some point cause she can tell what they’re about to say that she’s the new elven oracle which Adaine ??? “you’re not even an elf but also okay, please take my job.” Fabian is unraveling the patriarchy within himself still and also just using the time like it’s a vacation (“Oh my god, Fabian, this isn’t a vacation, we can die from this.” “We’ll just reset Riz, relax”)

Starstruck Odyssey

Even more fucking chaos. No one knows how to fix it. At one point they accidentally blow up the whole universe. Margaret has a breakdown because her calendar function is made useless on her planner until she decides that this is fine actually and calls Lucienne every loop. Skip once takes over Aurora Nebbins body for ?? reasons. Sidney keeps starting a robot revolution. Barry somehow never realizes it’s a loop. Riva knows it’s a loop but doesn’t see it as a problem. Gunthrie uses this to make bets and get a big cash sell out cause the ball is rolling up.

Does it get fixed? Maybe. We just don’t know.

Leverage

100% it’s Eliot stuck in the loop and he blames Hardison. Hardison automatically believes Eliot is in a loop every time and is god damn delighted. He keeps asking which type of loop it is and making Eliot watch various episodes of things to get comparisons.

One loop has Eliot perfectly plan out the con they need to do on the bad guy they were working on and Nate believes it’s a loop after that happens but of course it resets.

Sophie thinks it’s the universe telling Eliot he needs to work on something in his life. (“Have you tried acting? With your eyes you’d make a very….intense version of Puck in a Midsummer Night’s Dream.” “Hardison fix this.” “Eliot where are you going?”) She’s also the one he goes to when he needs to complain about the loop though every time.

Parker’s response is “This doesn’t happen to everyone? Hunh.” And then walking away. Eliot doesn’t want to know.

He also proves that Hardison ate his damn sandwich.

“You owe me Hardison so fix this.” “Damn, I’m not a physics major, you’re the one who’s in this. You know what might help?” “I’m not watching the TNG episode again, dammit Hardison.”

The loop just breaks at some point. Eliot isn’t convinced it wasn’t Parker’s doing now.

He still blames Hardison.

[ffangirlingsince2001]

Nothing Alike: II

Description: Geralt of Rivia has been tasked with taking out a fellow Witcher who has decided to settle down in a town. She has no intention of leaving and Geralt is forced to take matters into his own hands.

Geralt x Reader

Warnings: (future as well as present) violence, angst, smut, fluff, language

A/N: Is that a backstory and angst I smell??

Masterlist

Geralt was enjoying the spring afternoon when she started yelling at him…or at least she tried.

“Ah you’re awake,” he replied to her gagged screams. She was squirming behind him, probably trying to get out of the well placed knots he had tied to ensure she wouldn’t get away when she did finally wake up. He noticed Roach getting restless, annoyed both with the extra passenger and her lack of manners, so Geralt gave her a little shove, sending her toppling to the ground. She hit the ground with a thud and flipped over to glare at him.

If she hadn’t been mad before, she definitely was now. In the fall her gag had come lose and now he was being subject to ever single word she had to say. So much for enjoying the afternoon.

“I should fucking kill you, you fucking coward. Where do you get off kidnapping me?” she howled, struggling against the binds. When she failed, dangerous eyes flashed at him and she snarled. “Let me go now, and I promise I won’t kill you.”

“You’re not really in the position for bargaining.”

“Yet.”

“Say I let you go, what then?”

“I’ll join a convent and repent and pray to God every day,” she began before bursting into laughter and laying in the grass. “I thought I could say it, but even your horse knew that was horse shit, I’m going to go back to where I came from and make some money.”

“Then I can’t let you go.”

“What’s it to you anyways?”

“People already don’t trust Witchers, it’s not going to get any better if word gets around that one is robbing a town of its money.”

“I won it fair and square, no robbery required.”

“Of course, fair and square, with nothing but a genetic mutation on your side.” She sent him another glare, trying to subtly slide the ropes from her legs. “If you try running, I’ll catch you.”

“Oh please, last time you got lucky.”

“No, you underestimated me.”

“Well when you look like that I’m not exactly wowed,” she sneered.

“You talk big game for being the one tied.”

“You think this is the first time I’ve been tied up, c’mon being the only female Witcher who isn’t dying through the trials is sure to make me some enemies. Don’t worry, I took care of them.”

“The only female Witcher?”

“Oh, you haven’t been keeping up with your old school I see. We’re kind of a new idea, most of us die off, actually all of us died off, except me, I lived out of spite. And now I’m being harassed by another Witcher who thinks he’s got some holy purpose, well it turns out you don’t. Go, do whatever you want, stop killing monsters and make a good life for yourself, but before you do all that untie me.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” she growled, struggling with the knots a little more frantically now.

“They hired me to get rid of you, if I let you go you’ll just go back, and then they’ve wrongfully paid me, plus they think you’re dead.”

“They think I’m what?” she yelled.

“Dead, I told them you were.”

“Then why aren’t I?”

“Do you want to be?”

“Anything is better than being babysat by some holier-than-thou, thousand-year-old, Witcher who wouldn’t know how to have fun if it sprouted out of his big toe.” Geralt closed his eyes and took a deep breath, considering if he should have killed her in that alley. “Why do you want me around anyway?” His anger fizzled away for a moment at that question. It sounded just as biting as the rest, but something else had slithered into her tone, a sliver of self-deprecation perhaps? And it made him think, why did he take her, why when she was nothing but agony in his side did he bother bringing her with him.

“Because I want to know you,” he said and she snorted. She was laughing at him without a care in the world.

“Why on earth would you want to know me.”

“Consider it a study, you’re the first witcher I’ve met who didn’t go right to work, who didn’t take the weight of the world upon yourself and work yourself into nothing but blood and rust mixing with the dirt.”

“Thank you.”

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

“Maybe not to you, but all I heard was, a witcher who knows how to enjoy life.” He snarled and she laughed. “If you’re going to study me you should probably untie me.”

“How about you answer some of my questions and then I untie you.” She considered it for a moment, weighing the pros and cons before she brightened with a grin.

“I’m an open book.” He climbed off his horse and ungracefully pulled her over to a boulder, perching her on top of it. He tied Roach to a tree and took a seat on his own stump.

“How long have you been out of the academy?”

“A couple weeks.”

“How old are you?”

“Geralt, you’re never supposed to ask a woman her age,” she teased, ignoring the annoyed look he sent her. “22, in real time.”

“Young to be a Witcher.”

“Like I said, I’m special,” she sneered.

“What do you mean by special.”

“Fuck if I know, that’s just what they told me.”

“Do you have a guess.”

“A few.”

“Are you going to share?”

“Are you going to make me?”

“No.”

“Then I think I would like to keep it to myself.” He nodded sharply before continuing.

“How long were you in that town.”

“The moment they let me go.”

“Did you try to leave before then.”

“Yes.”

“Where did you go?”

“How do you know I succeeded?”

“The scars above your collar.”  Subconsciously, she raised her shoulders, shifting her collar to cover the pink scars.

“They’re not from escaping, they did other things for escaping, but I tried to go home. I thought I could go back to living with my mother after she sold me out. Guess I was wrong, she sold me out again and got another purse of gold for her trouble. Then they locked me in a box, told me what being caged really felt like.”

“What are the scars from?”

“Various other incidents.”

“So, you were a regular problem then?”

“Of course.”

“Anything in particular stand out?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean any crimes that were really heinous.”

“I killed an instructor once, it was an accident but it still happened.” Geralt didn’t continue for a moment, reading the look of regret on her face. She smiled at him, almost exhausted, praying that he wouldn’t ask her to discuss it further.

“What about the boys at school, did they torment you?”

“All the time, I got used to it.”

“How bad did it get?”

“One time they cornered me late at night, held a knife to my throat and dragged me to the window. They wanted me to admit I was a whore, that I was sleeping with our instructors. I wouldn’t say it though, they threatened me for what seemed like hours, pushing me just a little too far before yanking me back inside, letting my feet slip against the windowsill. They wanted me to beg and scream for help.”

“Did you say it?”

“No.”

“And what happened?”

“They dropped me. I thought I was as good as dead, but I refused to scream, even on the way down. I hit a snow drift and walked away unscathed. They thought I would leave that night so I am pleased to say they were shocked to see me walk in the next day ready to fight.”

“Did you tell anyone?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“If I had told someone they would know exactly who shoved him down the stairs two nights later. His nose is still busted, well was.”

“Was?”

“He was one of the lucky fellows who tried to get rid of me before you came along. He’s the only one it was a pleasure to kill.”

“How many did you kill?”

“Five.” Geralt clenched his fists, she had killed five witchers, more than any monster or mage could claim and he was allowing her to live. Why was he letting her live? “Any other questions?”

“How did you feel when you killed them?”

“Terrible. I buried them, gave each of them a proper burial, except my tormentor of course. I tried to get them to leave me alone, to leave but they just wouldn’t go away. I begged them yknow, pleaded while they tried to kill me. I just wanted to be free but they saw nothing but my blood on their silver bladed sword. Until you came along of course.” He stayed silent, watching her shifting in her bindings.

“Why don’t you want to be a witcher?”

“It was an accident I became one, a curse from God. I should have died, they were willing to let me die. I’m not going to come close to death because of them ever again, not the school, the King, or God himself can make me.”

“What about me.” She glanced at him and grinned but said nothing. He reached over and sliced her bindings with the knife she had stabbed him with the day prior. “Don’t run off, we’re heading towards the moors tomorrow.”

 She was gone the next morning.

Taglist: @stuckupstucky​ @aurora-sweet​ @holyhumorliteraturelight​ @dreams-of-sunlight-and-starfire​

[zodiyack]

Under Stars

Requested by anon: Hi, my love! I have a request where Y/N take the bullets instead of John. Like, she put herself in front of him allowing him to kill those men. She sees herself alone, since Thomas is married, Arthur has Linda and everyone is kinda moving on with their lives. After discussions (which makes her fell alone and useless) , Y/N sacrifices herself for John and his happinness, saying before she dies something like "I want you all to be happy". Sorry if u already made something like that + (Addition to their request)

Pairing: Shelby Family & Gray Family + Shelby!reader (no romance)

Warnings: Death, angst, murder, mention of depression, sad soft stuffs

Note: TITLE IS INSPIRED BY AURORA’S “UNDER STARS” FOR THE MEANING OF THE SONG WHICH CAN BE FOUND HERE  K BYE I’M SORRY! Also; extra bit at the end, I added it cause the title, I hope it’s okie! I cried while writing this oml

Taglist: @matth1w​ @redspaceace​

masterlist | Peaky Blinders Masterlist

“Got nothin’ better to do on Christmas morning?” John put down his gun when he realized it was only Michael.

“Tommy wants everybody at Charlie’s yard now, come on.” Michael gave a slight tilt of his head. Y/n creeped out next to John, hair messed up from her nieces’ and nephews’ game of climbing on their aunt human-sized-jungle gym the previous night. They sure were excited hear that their aunt would be staying for Christmas.

He turned, pushing his dog into the house and trying to close the door so they could get going. “Get in. Get in!” They walked around, “What’s going to happen? It’s fucking Christmas.”

“Look John, we don’t have time for this.”

“Alright, just come into the house.” Michael interrupted him, “Just come to the meeting-” but he continued like Michael never even spoke. “Have some food”

Esme rushed to the door, pushing John aside when he opened it, despite his “ey”s, and stomped over to Michael. She got extremely close to his face and angerly spat out her take on the situation, “Tell Tommy Shelby we can look after ourselves!”

However, Michael remained calm. “Tommy says they could come for us today, Esme-”

“’Tommy says’,” she turned to John and Y/n, repeating her mimic, “‘Tommy says’,” turning back to Michael, she released the same anger, “Are you his fucking parrot?!”

“Look, it’s the mafia! Alright? This is the New York mafia we’re talking about!”

“And we’re the Peaky fucking Blinders.” John stated, gun slung over his shoulder.

“No, we’re not, John! We’re not the Peaky fucking Blinders unless we’re together!”

Esme stepped closer to Michael, “You were together in the gallows, with one man missing.”

Michael took a second, then ignored Esme and returned to his calmed state. “John. John, come to the meeting. All right? Think about the kids.” John’s gaze began to move, as did his body when Esme turned to see his reaction, “Come to the meeting, and if you want to leave, then fine.”

“No. It’s Christmas day. We have a family now, we’re staying at home!” Esme shouted. Michael looked to Y/n with a pleading raise of his eyebrows. She closed her eyes and shook her head with shrug, there wasn’t much she could do to change Esme’s mind.

A man pushed over a hay bale, vaulting over it and readying his gun.

John, already facing the direction of the cart, did the same, cocking his gun and yelling to Esme and his sister. “In the fucking house!”

Michael lifted his head, noticing the man and cart. “Esme-” More men jumped out. Michael recognized the cart, which he had passed on the way here. The honking of his car’s horn as he rushed, a form of pleading for it to move out of his way.

John fired at them, hitting a hay bale but missing the men. “John!” Michael pushed Esme inside and tossed a gun to his cousin, who ran beside her brother in an attempt to help. She quickly realized her brother’s mistake in the choice of his gun. He was quick to shoot again, but the men were quick to shoot back, weapons faster than his shot gun.

Esme halted behind the door, glancing to the siblings with fear. No. It couldn’t be. It pained her just much as it would had it been the other Shelby. It wasn’t John, though he had been in the front, it was his sister. She pushed herself in front of her brother. Unknown to anyone but her, her mind flashed with thoughts of her family, of John’s family. Of Charlie and her other nieces and nephews. Of her mother.

The bullets hit her in repetition, over and over and over again. The bullets from the mafia continued hitting her stomach and chest leaving bloodied holes in her clothing and body. Time felt like it was moving in slow motion.

Y/n felt nothing but content. Peaceful. Free.

The violent scene resumed around her soon-to-be-lifeless body as she dropped to the ground. Michael was hit with a bullet, not enough to kill him, but grazing him just right, just enough, to make him drop to the ground as well, dragging John down with him.

A peaceful moment. Though she now lie hanging onto life as tight as she could, maybe just to say goodbye, she felt peaceful. A smile found it’s way onto her face, the shock and pain got to her, a dreamy look filled her eyes.

She could hear Esme’s painful screams, the agony and sorrow dripping from her throat. She felt John lift her head onto his lap and his tears drip onto her face. His face was red, nose snotty and eyes puffy as he cried for her to hold on. As he cried and told her that they’d find someone who could help. As he told her that they would kill the mafia for what they did to his sister.

“J-John.” She coughed up blood. Her head twitched slightly as John’s hand caressed her cheek, Esme and Michael now kneeling over her body as well. Y/n’s eyes scanned Michael’s wounds, to which he gave her a look. A look that read regret and possibly a message of “now’s not the time”.

“Take c-care of Esme and y-your kids. Tell them I-I love them. Tell all of our fam-family I l-love them.” She smiled up at his teary face, blood coating her teeth and spilling out of her mouth a bit. “I want you all to be happy.” 

With that last sentence, her eyes stopped acknowledging their presences and flicked up to the sky. A final breath left her mouth and her head lolled limp on his lap. His thumb, still stroking her cheek, felt the warmth leave her body, slowly being replaced with a dreadfully-familiar cold. The cold of the dead. 

His sister now lied dead in his lap, a smile still upon her face, no hint of regret anywhere. Esme clung to him once she processed Y/n’s passing. The way she shoved herself in front of her brother so carelessly, like she wanted it to happen. She thought of the way Y/n had been hesitant to join them or Tommy and Grace, or really any of the couples of the family, when they went places.

Before Y/n passed, when she was looking to the heavens, her mind showed her a sight. She stood before her mother, who was smiling and well in the afterlife. Y/n couldn’t think of anything else, but joining her. Her mother moved to the side, showing her more of what she could join in on. 

She knew all three of the women in front of her. Grace talked with John’s dead wife, both of them smiling at Y/n and eagerly beckoning her over to them. Her mum slowly moved her hand, welcoming Y/n to the paradise. 

So, she grabbed onto her mother’s extended hand and greeted her new company.

. . .

“Go fuck those bastards responsible!” Polly sobbed a yell at Tommy, returning to her place over Y/n’s body, brushing her hair from her face. Her lifeless body was brought to the family and chaos ensued.

Tommy grabbed handfuls of his hair and tugged while yelling until his face turned red upon the discovery of his dead sibling. Arthur threw items, flipped tables, and let the cries of agony escape him just as Tommy had. The rest of the family had pretty similar reactions, aside from Ada.

Her eyes were greeted with the sight of her sister, bloodied up and dead. Her hand darted to her mouth, tears spilled from her eyes, her legs moved to Y/n’s side before she could think of the action. Whimpers and small croaks of screams left her mouth muffled.

They knew one of them were likely to die at some point. They wouldn’t have handled that well either. But. Their sister? The kind and cheery one of the bunch. The one who hid her tough shield behind her forgiving smile? No one thought she’d be the first to leave the living.

Her depression was known, and her family helped her care for it, helped make her happy and let her know how much they loved her. They tried their hardest, and her thoughts of suicide were gifted to her in a disguise of murder. But why?

Why her?

“It should’ve been me...”

“Don’t say that John...she wanted you alive...”

“It should’ve though...” Pangs of guilt were sent straight to not just his heart, but his brothers’. His sister’s. His aunt’s. His wife’s. His cousin’s. They felt guilty for what had been done, the murder of Y/n was no one of the Peaky Blinder’s fault, but everyone still blamed themselves.

. . .

John and Esme cuddled into each other by the fire, no words being spoken, their hearts heavy and eyes watery. One of John’s children walked up to them, rubbing their puffy red eyes that matched their parents’ and tilting their head at their father.

“Are you crying cause you miss Auntie? Don’t worry, she’s just sleeping. Under those stars outside my window. She’s.. she has only fallen asleep.”

“What?”

“Auntie. She’s only fallen asleep. And when God says it’s time, he’ll wake her up.” The little boy climbed onto the sofa. “I hope she’s dreaming of me. What about you, mummy?”

Esme’s mouth had dropped in shock from the sentence. “I-I- uh yeah... I do too, my love. I think she’s dreaming of you, for sure. I- I think she’s dreaming of you, me, daddy, all of us.”

“I hope she has a good sleep. Speaking of sleep, can you tuck me in? Aunt Y/n did it a special way...I miss it when she tucked me in.” John and Esme’s hearts ached at the sight of their child, eyebrows scrunched in thought before he jumped up and his face filled with joy. “Maybe when she wakes up she can tuck me in again!”

“Of course sweetie...” Esme’s voice cracked with sadness laced through her words and smile. “Time for bed, dearest... Wanna show mummy and daddy how Auntie used to tuck you in?”

The boy beamed with happiness, nodding eagerly at the idea. “Mhm!” He grabbed his parent’s arms and pulled them into his room, telling them instructions. After he finished, they sat on his bed with him, their tears breaking free at his final sentences before he kissed them goodnight;

“Goodnight Y/n! I hope you wake up soon, we miss you! Sleep well and dream good dreams of me under those stars of yours!”

[bookish-mind]

I read call down the hawk, here’s my aching heart:

*spoilers*

(I wasn’t planning on making a long post about this book but I couldn’t help myself, I had too much to say and I needed a place to scream about pynch)

“This is going to be a story about the Lynch brothers” I knew that already so why am I crying, already, the first line and I’m crying

It mentioned Ronan living somewhere other than the barns after Niall died and I’m just here like,, you can say Monmouth it’s ok

“Adam Parrish was the destination of this road trip” and “Ronan missed him like a lung” my heart my heart my heart

“the guy he loved” PLEASE

Ronan Lynch upon seeing Adam Parrish for the first time: *literally prays*

I see the obsession with Adam’s hands goes way back

“Funny how quickly a handful of weeks could render something unrecognizable” I know ronan was talking about the weather/the campus but my stomach dropped pls this better not be pynch foreshadowing

Their reunion was so chaotic I’d expect nothing else tbh

The watch keeps track of Ronan’s time zone I can’t-

“He was with Adam, and Adam still loved him” PLS THE USE OF THE L WORD KILLS ME EVERY TIME

“there was burnished Gansey, who might not have saved Ronan’s life in high school, but at the very least kept it mostly out of Ronan’s reach so that he could not take it down and break it” this line bothers me bc gansey literally did save Ronan’s life that was the whole godamn point 🙃

Objectively I understand that the crying club are probly decent ppl but subjectively they ain’t no gangsey that’s for sure

“he longed for him even while holding him” pls the yearning,, it’s too much for my frail heart

Bryde needs to gtfo of Ronan’s head is what need to happen

Who is lindenmere I only know Cabeswater

Ronan is crying I’m crying we’re all crying

It breaks my heart that Ronan is still yearning for something more while the rest of the gangsey are out there living

Gansey is chained to a tree in Oregon, seems legit

Chainsaw knows how to say “Atom” I’m fucking crying

“What, Declan? I’m trying to fucking tow a cow” I love this book

Matthew be like “I’ve been staring at the edge of the water long as I can remember never really knowing why”

I literally had a headcanon that Ronan says I love u to Adam in Latin

“He sucked in more longing with every inhale, he exhaled some of his happiness on the other side” this godamn book I swear 😩

“dreamt of you” AGSHSJAK

Oof I kinda love Parsifal all he wants to do is eat some bienenstich made by his momma

Wait wait wait these Niall and aurora doppelgängers are confusing me

“I saved your life because I love you” HE SAID IT OUT LOUD ! HE SAID IT ! IT HAS BEEN SAID

I know it’s common knowledge at this point that they are in an established loving relationship but it hits me the same every time I’m reminded

“It was possible no two students at aglionby had ever come away with such a thorough understanding of Latin (or, possibly, of each other)” I have no words

Declan Lynch falling in love with a dream? More likely than you’d think

Man I hope at the end of all this Declan gets to punch a judge and go somewhere to live and breathe art for the rest of his life

This whole dreamers are born to die young theme is stressing me out

“Ronan, I know you” literally everything they say to each other knocks the air out of my lungs

“They hugged again, merrily, waltzing messily in the kitchen, and kissed, merrily, waltzing more” brb if you need me I’ll be reading this line over and over again for the rest of eternity

Two things: 1) gansey left his mint plant for Ronan to take care of 2) ronan dreamed a literal sun to keep the plant alive when he could have just as easily put it by a window like a normal person that’s the cutest bro shit I’ve ever seen

“Adam stopped breathing” please stiefvater imagine how tired we are

Also where tf is opal I miss the lil weirdo

“he missed him acutely even as he was looking at him” it’s too much,, it’s all too much

Oh hell ya Ronan and Jordan/Hennessy/all the other girls finally met I been waiting for this one

Waaait is the dark lady seashore niall’s dream space like Cabeswater/lindenmere is Ronan’s ??

Oh Matthew, my sweet boy, he figured out he’s a dream

Jordan. Is. Painting. Declan. I. Can’t. Breathe.

Oh damn ok so the lace is trynna get out and destroy the world ? Is that it ?

Matthew asking “Do I have a soul?” broke me

Matthew said “I’m the fake brother” and Declan uno reversed that shit so fast

Alright lindenmere I see you I see you but the thing is.. I miss my girl Cabeswater

OPAL FINALLY

“He didn’t have it in him to love another dream. It hurt too bad. Loving anything did” ouch :(

Fuck fuck fuck this is the part where chaos erupts

Damn those sundogs are cool af tho

I swear I didn’t breathe until I knew Matthew and Declan were alive holy shit

Declan thinking “The world was broken” and “I never actually lived” </3

Let Ronan and Declan hug each other challenge

Adam Parrish please pick up the goddamn phone I am begging you

The way Hennessy is so in awe that Ronan has complete trust of lindenmere/his subconscious made me ache bc it took a helluva lot for him to get to this point

“Hennessy?” “Lynch.” “I’ve been alone a long time” excuse me I’m gonna need a minute-

The way Ronan describes what the lace is to him,, I’m fucking sobbing

Hennessy and Ronan’s swords are badass

I still don’t trust bryde but he got them out of there so points to him I guess :/

Where’s book 2 I need book 2

[stargazerinmoksha]

be unapologetic, you asked that of me. so with every ounce of my raw honesty, i am all that i am. the sadness occasionally gnawing out of my veins and onto the page, written words inside of my handcrafted tears. i am just a moment, it’s my favorite phrase, my favorite truth. i’m not supposed to even be here, i’m not supposed to be sitting here and writing this. you asked for my truths, how could i sit there and lie to you? as if you wouldn’t immediately find out. i’ve never lied to you and said that i was perfect. i create enough space inside of my heart for you to thrive, even on your absolutely most outrageous days— i gave nothing, but love and laughter to you. i would never ask you to return that favor, but didn’t we have a mutual understanding? i don’t know where i went wrong and i won’t apologize for something that i firmly believe in. all of my love inside of poems, all of my thoughts inside of my brain, all of these words flowing out of my fingertips. i think there’s something wrong with my heart, i think there’s something wrong with the way that i love people. maybe i give too much, maybe i give too much undivided attention, maybe i should’ve just let you have your week. i’ve never been one to shelter my thoughts, i love you. every single last piece of who i was before i was given my birth name, before my mother created my eyes, hands, lips, toes, legs and organs, before i took my first breath and my soul got to know true freedom from the womb, before they split our soul into two bodies and making it back to you finally made sense to me, i loved you with all of those pieces. i still love you with all of it. you said it many times, “i see you.” have i ever asked anything from you that would dishonor you or bring you shame? i’ve never made you feel suffocated, have i? i swear that i pray now more than ever because of you. they say that people find their faith when they’re at their lowest point, but i found mine when i was at my highest. if i can’t love you at your worst, darling, i don’t deserve you at your best. it took everything out of me to not look at you, not like i’d see much, i’m blind as shit haha. it took everything out of me to not write to you, i’ve never not written to you. it took everything out of me to not run up and speak to you because i’ve never been afraid of our conversations. i love the way your mind works and how it’s always everywhere, just like mine. i love that you’re a raging sea with calm and gentle waves. i love that you’re a fiery spirit with loyal tendencies that speaks to me spiritually. you always tell me to never make excuses, so i won’t. i don’t know how to not look at you like you gave the petals upon tender gardens purpose to soak in the sun. i don’t know how to not talk to you like this conversation will be my last, so i stutter and just never shut up. i don’t know how to not write to you because after all of these years of not knowing what it was to meet yourself inside of someone, i met you and by loving you, i’ve found more things to love about myself. you tell me to not let you get quiet, but i will make no excuses. i will never apologize for something that i did right. it would to against my core values and beliefs. i would not be the soul that you love if i wavered, even if it’s just for a moment. not even for you. you tell me to believe in myself, to have confidence, to always stick up for myself, to always have faith in love and kindness even if you can’t spare some for yourself most days. i know you’re running kind of thin and you’re hurting. i don’t know what tomorrow holds for me in a those hands, but i do know about right now. i could die tomorrow and if writing this to you is my last thing, it wouldn’t be so bad. i’ve made peace with my life, my death, my mistakes, my rights, my longings and my quest to understand myself as a spiritual being having a very human experience. maybe you’re pushing me away as to not be hurt once i am no longer around. maybe you don’t have the heart to hear the sound of my voice anymore. my happy frequency inside of such strong hands—

my aurora borealis doesn’t ask twice when she gets angry, she just does things. i know that i may have said the wrong thing, but don’t ask for my truths and my honesty if you’re not going to talk to me anymore. you tell me that you are no longer my concern and the truth is that’s a lie. from the moment god placed you in front of me, you are all i’ve truly been concerned about. as i to you. you can sit there and tell yourself whatever it is that you want, but i’ve never shied away from loving you, from telling you the truth because you have always given that to me. all of the reasons as to why i’m writing this, all of the reasons as to why i won’t give up on you. because giving up on our connection is like giving up on myself and i have done that before, i no longer live that. i choose to be present in my life. i have always answered to the sun and asked for the moon’s hand— i have spent my mornings praying for safer nights. i have never met myself inside of another, i have never felt like my reflection could make me cry, but when i think about the life that we won’t be able to spend together in this one, it does make me sad. but isn’t that the best part? our friendship isn’t defined by something as simple as forever and always. it’s far more like a cosmic knocking asking for my stars and galaxies to be seen inside of my poetry. you once asked me why i loved you so much. why i did anything for you. why i was always there for you. because my best friend has a soul just like mine. you don’t need to feel beautiful or sound intelligent to be as such. you just need to be yourself. even if you’re hurting, i accept you. even if you’re cold, i accept you. even if you’re sick, i accept you. even if you’re broke, i accept you. even if you push me away, i accept you. even if you no longer love me, i accept you. i see you. i see you as much as you have always seen me. my sweet orange one with her longing gaze, i hope that you’re sleeping well. all of my wishes and prayers have always been filled with good intent for you. i know the days are long and you just want to feel something. i know the days are full of questions and your mind is does wander— i know you wonder if you’re even supposed to be here at all. i know your life isn’t perfect and love hasn’t been kind to you. you tell me that i am your most healthy and stable relationship and i have never thought anything less about you. i don’t know if your legs are rocking itself to sleep or if you’re alone again. i don’t know if you’re hurting about everything and just want to be left alone, but i won’t let you go quiet on me. you’re right. i love you too fucking much. i won’t apologize for loving you in that way. you’re me. you’re who i was before i got my birth name. you’re who i still am after my soul was split into two. my dear orange, i hope you wake up with a smile and read this knowing that i will always love you. i’m not going anywhere and i’m not leaving. i can’t. you’re all that i am. you really are. for all of the things we didn’t say last night, i’ll say it for us. i won’t be letting you go, i create all of this space for you to thrive. i create space for you to breathe. i create space for you to love. i hope your legs successfully sent you into a deep sleep that brought about beautiful dreams. i don’t need my chakras to be in excess or to be too low— so i’ll let you know, my third eye has always known that i can’t just let things be as it is. i’m here. you know where how to reach me. i just wanted you to know that much about me— when i love, i love with everything. and everything to me is that smile, so even if you don’t talk to me today, i hope that you’re smiling and laughing loudly. thank you for reading. i love you.

—you’re my quest.

[effei-s]

aurora, aurora, aurora.

First and foremost: dear @alwaysreading I’m so sorry that it took me so long. My chaotic ass just won’t ever let me get things done quickly and that’s why I can’t have nice things (c).

(it’s like…. looooong and i’m hoping it’s gonna be interesting).  

Aurora Aurora Aurora, the love of his life (and mine) and the baddest bitch in the house (she’s aries and entj, that alone says a lot).

let’s start with the question: yes, she knew about him marring someone else and about Aaron. i’m gonna be a lazy bitch here and copypaste part from my ff:  

There was a mother-in-law, obsessed with public opinion, who liked to pry and snoop around (and the private detectives she hired, whom he fed to a school of large barracudas at the Gulf of Mexico). And there was the truth that still surfaced, no matter how careful he was. Untimely. Ugly. It left him with an empty house, a short note “please, return to your real family,” and an endless year of solitude.

And now my favorite part: HEADCANONS!

headcanon 1: they’ve met when they were teenagers. I know in mafi’s world people are very indifferent to children’s suffering (Anderson can beat the shit out of Adam in broad daylight almost on the school’s porch and no one would bate an eye; Juliette can go around covered in bruises and no teacher would ever question it), but I prefer a little bit more realistic approach. So when a mother forces fucking BLEACH down child’s throat I expect that that child would be taken away from her.

What i’m trying to say is that Rori and him were in the system (foster care, in the same family, but Aurora was there first; age 14 maybe 15; he probably changed a few different homes, and then he saw her and decided to stay). They started as friends (and that was probably the first real emotional bond he had). And they both were troublemakers. Anderson because he’s… Anderson (whispers; a sociopath and he hates school). And Aurora because she’s walking “I take no bullshit” sign. And sometimes, when people annoy her too much, she tends to break their noses (but her marks are still excellent). So both of them had detentions and suspensions in school, but unlike Anderson Aurora never had any REAL TROUBLES with the police. In their tandem she’s the smart one. And then (at the age of 18) they parted their ways for three years. He went in the army (because it was the easiest choice), she went to college (BA in art conservation in States). Then they’ve met again, started dating, she decided to get a master’s degree in Europe (Switzerland I’d say or Netherlands) and became a full-time art conservator (she’s very passionate about preserving cultural heritage, can you see the conflict here?) and around that time Anderson was introduced to the reestablishment concept.    

here’s the thing, their relationships were always “long-distance thing” (long before he married Leila) and both of them were perfectly fine with this. There was no “i’m gonna die if you’re not near me 24/7” bullshit. There was no “I love you” 35 times a day and holding hands. They just… knew that they love each other and it was enough.

This is probably the reason why I love them together so much: they’re two very strong-willed, stubborn and completely independent people (in this house we hate codependent relationships). They have lives and dreams and goals outside each other (and that’s the reason why they never married in the first place: marriage is a relic of the past, that weird thing for other people).

(of course it backfired at her, badly, he betrayed her trust, he broke her heart; but, trust me, if someone told her that in order to have him only for herself she had to be near him all the time and had to give up her dreams for MA and Ph.D., Rori would say goodbye to him and never look back, no matter how painful it’d be. She loves him, she does, but she loves herself more.)  

Headcanon 2: kids and independence. She won’t make sacrifices for him, but she would make them for her kids. And yes Adam is HER KID. AND HERS ONLY. And the same goes for James. I see how you can catch this “it was one-sided and she didn’t really had a choice” vibe from books. Her sneaking food in secret, him showing anger at the sign of Adam(???). I love @cyanidesouffle interpretation of this: that Cat loved him and hoped that sooner or later he’s gonna come to his senses. Lose the battle, win the war, as the saying go. But if we’re talking only about canon, i’m really not a fan of Anderson who can walk in and out and wreck havoc in HER HOME and implant his stupid ass rules, when he’s the one who’s at fault here. she’s not the one who married other man and had a child! He has no right to be angry at Adam, he has no right even look at him the wrong way. I don’t like how it’s implied that she either had no other option but to submit to his whims or she was too meek to stand up for herself and her son.

my favorite thing about my headcanon girl is that Aurora REALLY doesn’t need him. And she doesn’t even think about him as the father of her kids. The hardest part of it (first pregnancy, labor, first years of Adam’s life) he wasn’t there. He wasn’t there, because she didn’t want him to and because she didn’t need him to. He knows it and it makes him treasure her more (there won’t be any third chances for him, another fuck up like this and he’s out for good). It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows back then, and she wasn’t the kindest and loving with Adam (it’s inevitable when you impulsively decide to have a child to spite the man whom you plan to never see again) but she learned to be, little by little. Although she still was quite demanding of Adam (he literally learned the alphabet with her ‘history of art’ books).

Again: she loves Anderson, that’s why she allowed him to came back, but she loves her son more. So when they decide to start again she’s the one with all aces up her sleeve.  

MY HOUSE. MY KIDS. MY RULES.

(if you don’t like it, then you can kindly fuck off. don’t want to act like a human being? shut the door on your way out. and so help me god if you lay even one finger on Adam)  

There’s her love for him, there’s her love for her work, and then there’s her love for her kids. And she can sacrifice first two, but not the last.

Headcanon 3: it’s more of a AU part, but things would so different if she didn’t die. She won’t be a part of RE, obviously, she won’t marry him even if he’d ask her. BUT!  

a) Leila would be alive. And well. Because Rori would find out the truth, as she always does, and then she would make him fix things. She would probably take Leila under her wind, as a form of punishment for Anderson (oh look I care about your ex-wife more than I care about you, she’s really cool, btw).

b) he won’t be a supreme commander. Actually becoming a supreme was his biggest mistake. Everything gone awry because of the routine. It was fun for a few month, but then the middle-age crisis came and everything went to hell. So Rori would definitely convince him to look at it not from the ‘AAAA MORE POWER EVEN MORE POWER, I’M UNTOUCHABLE!!!’ point, but from ‘i’m gonna need to take REAL responsibility for my actions, and they actually gonna have consequences’  point. 

paris: wow, i really don’t like it. thank you, rori. where would I be without you? 

rori: six feet under, darling, six feet under. 

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ THE SHOT ❜

Final chapter of ‘Someone you loved’ with Michael ‘Riz’ Ariza.

Warnings: none.

Word count: about 1.5k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to my wonderful @sonsofeorl ✨

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You are already tucked in your bed, pajamas on, lights off and your body almost asleep in a concrete position, when your phone starts to ring. No way. You're not going to move, not even your eyelashes, so you try to ignore it until it stops to sound. The music disappears at the same time that your room is immersed again in the darkness, with the blinds completely rolled down. Burying your face in the pillow, you grumble with a hoarse sound that is born deep down in your throat, when the call happens again. Palming your nightstand to grab the phone, opening one eye, you read your father's name on the screen. Closing it again, you answer placing the phone over your ear. No hand holding it, just resting on it.

“Wha'?” You mutter with a sleepy tone.

“Need you to come to Vicki's house”.

“And I need to die, but life ain't fair, dad”.

“Riz has been shot”.

Suddenly sitting up, it takes you only one damn second to toss the blankets to the floor and jump out of your bed. With your heart about to have an attack, pumping faster than it can handle, you don't even change your clothes but put on a pair of sneakers. Running to the entrance, you only grab your keys and the black helmet from the coat rack. Wearing it, you continue the fast strides to your motorcycle. Your fingers are shaking, your throat is dry and your mind is totally blank. Turning on the engine, you speed up joining the road, knowing the way to Vicki's house better than the club's one.

You have never been a believer, but you're praying every single prayer you know. As if Bishop had confirmed to you that he is dead or about to, the day you met plays in front of your eyes like the scene of a movie. Exceeding the speed limit without caring about encountering a patrol, you cross the Calexico desert in the middle of the night. Darkness all around, with the moonlight barely illuminating your path, soon you can glimpse a row of houses, with a lot of motorbikes and a van parked there. Throwing yours to the floor after turning off the engine, you jump the stairs coming desperately into the house.

“RIZ? RIZ! DAD!”

You can't stop yelling, trying to find someone when you notice that the house is empty. All the lights are one, but there's no one inside it. Your gaze is blurred because of the bunch of tears you're uttering. Your throat now is filled up with a lot of saliva, feeling the anxiety hitting your body. Going upstairs, you open every door there. Nothing.

“RIZ! ARIZA!”

You're losing your temper, coming back to the living room to continue to the kitchen.

“DAD! DAD, WHERE ARE YOU?”

Almost choking with the tears flooding onto your lips, hiccuping with an incessant surf of pain breaking within your chest, you palm your torso and your thighs looking for your phone. But you don't have it. Remembering to have left it forgotten on your bed. Grabbing the landline and dialing the number, you wait for your father to answer. The tones pass you to the voicemail, after an endless waiting, tossing the device over the counter. You're about to falter, pressing a hand close to your collarbone. That grief feels like if something is breaking inside you into hundreds and hundreds of pieces. Turning around over your own steps, looking everywhere, you try to focus. To think about where else you can go. Your legs move this time to the rear door, straight to the back yard. The silent outside is literally killing you, touring the alley until flooding into the courtyard.

With parted lips and almost shocking, you look at the small light bulbs hanging from the walls and the trees. Frowning confused, you can't remember if that kind of lighting was there last time you came. But you don't even care. There's nothing much to roam to, cleaning your tears with the back of your hand, you turn again with the intention of coming back to the house and call Bishop again. The angst is clotting the blood inside your veins, barely filling your lungs with the fresh air of the desert, trying to figure out where the hell are the crew. Their bikes are there, so they can't be too far.

“Don't hit me, please”.

At that exact moment, your heart stops pumping for two seconds. Riz is in front of you, some steps away. Both hands raised, in case he has to defend himself, and a worried gesture on his face. Your eyes travel all around his anatomy, looking for blood, a wound, anything. But he is okay. He looks like he's fine. Bowing down your head and covering your face with both hands, your loud becomes louder. You don't have to be a genius to know that your father has played a dirty and macabre game on you. The knot within your stomach disappears, but the sorrow is still installed on its mouth. Two arms embrace you slowly, feeling his fingertips sliding on your back until he can finally hold you against his chest.

“Sorry”. He whispers with a broken tone of voice. “It wasn't my idea, but… you have been a week without answering my calls or my texts… Bishop thought it was the only option to make you come”.

You don't utter a single word. You can. You're still immersed into the shock of their lies and the pain they have provoked you. And you are not sure at all about how many time you have been just like that, letting Riz hug you in silence; caressing your back, your hair, your head. Soft and gentle moves that comforts and calms you. Slowly pulling himself away, he holds your hands by intertwining his fingers with yours, guiding you to a hammock. Sitting by your side, he cleans your tears left stuck on your cheeks, and you can't help but cling your arms around his neck again. You have missed him more than anything in your life. These days without knowing anything about him, without seeing him, without hearing his voice, has been the worst time you have been through. His scent is intense, swelling up your lungs by having a deep breath of it with your nose sink on his neck. Feeling like this gesture is bringing you back to life.

Riz kisses your cheeks, your temples, your forehead, all your face. And cupping it onto his hands, with the cold rings pressed against your skin, he places his lips on yours to your surprise. But he doesn't move. He just stays like that for some seconds, after starting to peck them. You're sitting on the hammock like an effigy, trying to find a way to wake up from this dream.

“I always… carry our first... photo together… in a pocket... of the kutte… every time I go... on a run”. He confesses between short kisses, marking every inch of your lips until erasing the sad gesture installed on them. Touching your nose with his, he can finally breathe. “I don't want to live without you. You complete me, your life completes mine. There's nobody else I want to be with for the rest of my life that it isn't you. I want to hear you calling me Rizzy anytime I'm not paying attention to you. I want to wake up with you, clinged to me like a fucking koala. I want to look at you all the damn time and say shit, she chose me over everybody. And kiss you, and hug you, and love you even afterlife. You're my other half, mi vida, mi amor, el único sentido que le encuentro a la existencia”.

You are sobbing against his neck, not capable of replying any word he's saying to you. Not even when you feel who he loosens his grip, looking for something inside a pocket. Pulling himself away some inches, he takes your right hand to put a small golden ring in your finger. Pouting at him, you can see Riz softly smiling.

“I don't want to live without you”. He repeats again, leaning forward to catch your lips with his.

This time, you kiss him back, urging you to sit on his lap to surround your waist with both arms; embracing you with all his strength, believing for a moment that you two could melt into just one body.

“I'm so so—sorry”. You cry against his mouth.

“Fuck, no. It was my fault”. Riz shakes his head, cupping your cheek into his hands. “And it's not like I was let you leave my side. I would follow you till the end of times, mi amor”.

“I love you… I really do”. You mumble resting your forehead against his.

“I love you too… Even if you have fucked me up badly this last week. Maybe I deserved it for being a pendejo”.

Giggling and sniffing, you wrap his back with both arms, resting your head on his chest. Closing your eyes, feeling calmed.

“Don't kill your father, ah?” He says then, licking his bottom lip. You chuckle again.

“I will try, but I can't promise it”.

[jungcity]

love, eternal. | v

genre: reincarnation!au, fallen angel!au

[supernatural!au-ish, angst, use of blunts and intoxicants, extra asshole jaehyun, smut, vulgar words]

pairing: jung jaehyun x reader

words: 7k

warnings: unprotected sex [use protection, always!!]

note: hello, loves! since ive been stucked inside our house, doing nothing, and all i could do is write— here’s another update! thank you for your kind words and comments the last update. i appreciate every single one of you. it makes me happy to think that you enjoy my writing style and the plot that i have in my silly mind. i hope you stay healthy and please please please wash your hands and sanitize!! i love you 💕

part iv | part vi

“God, if you’re out there,

if you’re listening,

he fucks like a seraphim,

and there’s no part of scripture

that ever prepared you for his hands.

Hands that map a communion

in the cradle of your hips.

Hands that kiss hymns up your sides.

He confesses how long he’s looked

for a place to worship and,

oh,

you put him on his knees.”

—excerpts from PROFANE by Ashe Vernon

Aurora.

Aurora.

Aurora.

With every chant of her name in your mind, you take a swig of the liquor with relish that would surely give you a hell-worth of hangover tomorrow. You couldn’t bring yourself to care now that you’re in a pit of a hole you don’t know how to climb off. Jaehyun was enraged by your constant chivvying, jilting your questions about Aurora like an ex-lover. While telling you aggressively that you have no business poking your nose where it doesn’t belong.

“Shut your mouth. I won’t hear questions anymore.”

Those were his words of command. After that, you kept your mouth shut the whole ride back to the hotel. And in the end, you didn’t tell them about your dreams either. If they’re reluctant to share something with you, you wouldn’t share the visions you have in your sleep with them too.

Asking Johnny about Aurora was like talking to the wind. He let your questions die unheard, excusing himself to greet the guests who needs his attention. Of course, what did you expect? All of the men who flocks around Jaehyun are his brethren, they won’t betray Jaehyun for you. They won’t answer your question without Jaehyun’s permission, that much you’re sure of because of your boss’ ubiquitous influence. Chaelin offered you no hope, dodging your question whenever she gets the chance. She offered you bits of information; about Aurora’s appearance— confirming that the Aurora you see is the Aurora of them— which you’re already familiar of because of your dreams. Besides that, Chaelin said nothing more.

It’s unusual, hearing her name in the real world. You’re not one to believe in superstitions, but there’s something about your dreams that made you want to tear off the meanings inside Jaehyun’s chest. It drives you mad, anxious, and even desperate. Yet your courage could only go far. One look from Jaehyun and all the questions bubbling in your mouth dissipates into nothingness.

Aurora being Jaehyun’s ex-lover already crossed your mind. His aloofness towards her name tells you something hadn’t gone well between them. But where is she now? Johnny knows her, so you assume that she’s close friends with Jaehyun’s friends. Why didn’t she show up in the party? Why does she only appear in your dreams?

You’re thirsty for answers and no one seems brave enough to quench your thirst. But maybe the liquor on your table could do the work.

Johnny’s party ended an hour ago. Here you are, satisfying yourself the way you did not allow to at his party. You left the hotel without giving Jaehyun a heads up of where you are. Why would you? He won’t give you answers to your questions, so you won’t give him the knowledge of your location. Not that it’s important to him anyways. He could go and do his office duties all by himself, if he dared work at one a.m. in the morning. But maybe he’s asleep, or doing his nightly ritual being that he’s a spawn of the devil come to life.

“You’re crazy, Y/N. Crazy and drunk,” You mumbled to yourself, sluggish words coming out your mouth.

“What’s a pretty lady doing here all alone while drinking herself to oblivion?”

You snapped your head to the owner of the voice. A man in his past thirty made his way on the bar stool beside you. He’s tall, hard muscles almost stretching the blue long-sleeves polo he’s wearing. You suddenly felt wary by his presence, so you moved an inch away from him.

“I won’t bite,”

The sentence came out sultry, with the man’s smirk matching it. You suddenly felt stupid to come out in a city you’re not familiar with in the dead of the night. Yet who could blame you? You wanted to lose your mind tonight, far away from the questions that tries to infiltrate every corner of your brain. However, the presence of the man beside you gave you an ominous feeling.

So you stood up, catching yourself when you slide on the same stool you sat on. The man is quick to wrap his warm hand on your arm, whispering on you to be careful.

“Thanks,” you muttered the one word laconically. Slapping a bill on the table, you dashed outside of the bar, your steps waddling as the wind greeted you outside, making you shiver.

“Shit, shit.” You curse as you clutch a handful of hair in your close palm, the liquor you pick hit hard than what you expected.

“Where are you staying?”

You ignore the same man at the bar who’s trying to catch on you. Although waddling, you tried to pick up your pace. The hotel is just five-minutes away. You have to get there untouched.

“Hey, it’s dangerous to walk these streets alone. Let me—”

He gripped your arm, hard enough to make sure you won’t budge.

“Hey!” You screamed at him, trying to pull your arm free, but the man didn’t stir. He only ran down his eyes on your body, like you’re a delectable meal he would soon devour.

“Let me go!”

The streets are dead, and the few bystanders glanced at you with concern in their faces. You inhaled a lot of air, ready to scream for help but the man only looked at the few passersby apologetically.

“I’m sorry, my girlfriend here had too much drink.”

Girlfriend? You wanted to crawl and spit on his face. How dare he call you his girlfriend when you do not have any idea of who he is? But his grip on your arm never slackened. If not, his fingers only dig deeper on your flesh.

“You will come with me without making noise or else—”

“Or else what?”

You’d recognize that voice even a mile away. Jaehyun. As much as you want to tell him to go and leave you on your own business, your nerves screams for him to help you. The slight twist of his mouth tells you that he feels your discomfort under the man’s presence. And you know he is not happy about it.

“Who are you?”

Jaehyun brushed off the man’s question by walking towards you, hands on his pocket, not a trace of emotion could be seen on his face. When he’s finally standing face to face with your captor, he swiftly pulled you towards him. Though the tight grip of the man left your flesh smarting, you felt instantly safe beside Jaehyun. But it was short-lived as the man pulled you taut towards him again. Why won’t he drop it and fuck off already?

“Fuck of—”

The man did not finish his vulgar words for Jaehyun landed a fist on his jaw right away. He stumbled on his feet, his lips kissing the pavement. Jaehyun did not waste anytime, he grabbed your hand and secured you behind him.

“I dare you to touch her again,” He said coolly when the man slowly pulled himself up. There was anger and embarrassment in his face. You thought he’d swing a punch towards Jaehyun as vengeance but he only looked at him with wary, then dashed away.

Behind Jaehyun, you feel smaller than you are. Because of your own imbecility, he landed himself on trouble again. You just wanted a harmless night of enjoying yourself, but seeing where your little endeavor ended elicited a wistful sigh past your lips.

Jaehyun stared down at you, his shadows overruling your height. You hate that he could make you feel worse and defeated than you already are.

“Stupid.”

One word. One word and all the thank yous that you wanted to tell him faded out in an instant like the gust of wind in the summer. It’s unfair, to feel this chagrined towards the man who apparently saved you from an imminent danger yet you couldn’t help yourself but to lash out on him.

“Stupid?” —you asked, and you wanted your lips to stop there, but it didn’t—“Yes! I know that! But I think it’s cruel to say that to my face when I literally was inches away from getting assaulted! At least show some comfort, Jaehyun!” The words were whiplash savage, hopefully to shake him off his callous self.

One step. That’s all it took for Jaehyun to close the gap between the both of you. You tried to stare him down, not letting him see that standing this close to him makes your knees turn jelly and your bones to become brittle inside you.

“Raise your voice towards me again, and I’m gonna give you a real reason to scream.” His face and his voice doesn’t give away any emotions, but it made you flustered anyway.

You hate it. You hate the way that he could get to you every time you think that you could best him and his emotions. You hate it when he talks to you slatternly yet your body couldn’t help but tingle in his every words. You hate it whenever he brushes you off like a fly, yet you couldn’t help but melt into his touch. You hate it when he swears, yet you couldn’t help but pull him closer whenever he kisses you like he’d never sate himself. And it drives you crazy.

He walks ahead of you now, not giving a fuck about your existence again. You tried to match his step, but you need to split your legs first to match his strides. And your intoxicated state made everything worse. Your eyes are drooping and you feel hot everywhere. Cursing the liquor for your state, you shambled your way towards the hotel’s entrance, oblivious of the step that resulted to your cheek kissing the earth.

“Ouch!”

“Truly stupid,”

You heard Jaehyun mumbled before helping you stand and scooping you swiftly in his arms in a bridal style. If your face isn’t ruddy enough because of the alcohol, you’d bet Jaehyun would think that his chivalrous side made you blush— which is true, but you’d thank the intoxicants for that.

When you reached your room, he carefully laid you on your feet, demanding for the keys. You carelessly fished for it inside your little bag, turning it upside down, resulting for all its content to spill on the floor. Jaehyun sighed, clearly on his edge, but he picked up all your things and place it back on your bag. The click of the door reverberated through the silent corridors, and you wobbled inside, palming the switch that’d turn on the lights, but to no avail.

The moonlight infiltrated your room, slightly illuminating your bed. You walked towards it, feeling Jaehyun’s presence behind you.

“Hey!” You laughed, the alcohol kicking in your system now. He raised a brow, but strides towards you nonetheless.

You grabbed his hand, pulling him with you to the mattress, “Thank you!”

You haven’t realized that he’s on top of you and your face are mere inches away from each other. Maybe it’s your blurred vision, or the little light provided by the moon— but did Jaehyun blush? You would see it easily if he did. The bright red would stand starkly against his pale face.

His face. You dared touch his face then, expecting him to slap your hand away and walk out of the room— but he didn’t. He let you hold his face, his eyes fluttering from the sensation, a ghost of a smile creeping up his lips. Then you ran your fingers on his red lips— so inviting, so captivating.

“Who did your lips?” You asked, “I need to know who your surgeon is!”

You leaned forward and bite his lip, which elicited a groan from him. Laughing, you tried to push him, but the hard muscles on his chest were taut.

“Do that again,” He whispers on your lips, the mint of his breath wafting your nose.

“Oh no, we’re gonna do something we’d prolly regret tomorrow,” You chuckled, and bit his lips once again.

This time, he didn’t let you push him away. He kissed you, with enough fervor that sent jolts on your body automatically. His lips were hungry against yours, as they always are whenever you kiss. There’s biting, clashing of teeth against teeth, and there was licking. You couldn’t hold yourself back, not when he kisses you like you’re a goddess. He parted your lips to suck your tongue and you let him. Every suck of his mouth leaves you breathless, but you want more. More than this.

You spread your hips then, allowing him access on your center. He gets the notice in an instant, then he started to grind on you. You gasped underneath him, feeling tingles on your lower abdomen. He continued to kiss you passionately, only to move on and started kissing your jaw, and on the sweet spot on your neck. You’ve got a fistful of his hair tangled on your hands now, but he doesn’t seem to feel the pain on his scalp as he continues to ravenously kiss you while still grinding on you.

You felt your own wetness against your panties, your center begging to be touched.

“Jaehyun,” You said, out of breath.

He suddenly stopped and looked at you, like he’s gotten out of a bubble, “As much as I want you naked right now, I won’t fuck you intoxicated chérie.”

You look at him askance, “You’ll leave me like this?” By your words, you felt your center pulsating, making you even more hotter than you already are.

“Y/N,” He said your name with careful tones, “I don’t want you to regret anything tomorrow,”

You shake your head. And you don’t even know why the hell do you insist. But in his eyes, even though you couldn’t see well because of the light, you know he wants this as much as you want to.

“Jaehyun… I know you want this.”

He sighs, frustrated, “Yes, chérie. I bloody want to fuck you senseless right now. I’ve been wanting to since that day I kissed you on your living room.” He’s holding both your cheeks now, his breath coming out ragged.

You couldn’t believe your ears. Jaehyun wants you. He bloody does. Him, admitting it made the fire inside you burn brighter.

You grabbed him, fuck tomorrow and fuck everything. “Fuck me senseless then,”

Jaehyun groans, he gave you a ravenous kiss before unclothing himself, the only thing covering him now is his boxers. And oh, isn’t he beautiful? The perfectly sculpted muscles of his chest down to his abdomen made your mouth go dry, and the V cascading down his glory tells you it would be a painful night. This isn’t your first time, but it is your first time seeing a huge penis such as his.

He wasted no time to undress you too, but he was gentle as a man who walks with a walking stick. Every reveal of skin made his breath hitch— desire flickering in his eyes, and amazement. But he didn’t say anything, just kiss your lips again.

His lips travels down your neck, where he sucked on the sweet spot that he made sure would leave a mark tomorrow. While he does, his hands travels around your body— feeling your soft mounds on his palm. Then he popped his mouth on your other nipple, sending your body into frenzy. It’s been so long since you’ve done this that you already forgot the feeling. He took turns sucking on your nipples while massaging the other. And you palmed him against his boxers as he does do. He shivered, mouth against your ear.

“Don’t do that, chérie. I don’t wanna come all over your hand.”

You blushed— hard. And he chuckles by your gob-smocked reaction. He continued his penetration on your breasts, stopping only when he felt your wetness on his knees himself.

“Naughty,” He whispered on your ear, tickling you. Slowly, agonizingly, he peeled of your panties off you and his boxers off him—his glory slapping on his stomach as he did so. His length made you gulp. You’ve never imagined him to be that huge. He couldn’t seem to notice your awe because he slowly pulled your legs towards him, feeling your wetness on his fingers. His touch sent you writhing on the bedsheets, wanting for more.

“Patience,” He licks his fingers then, making sure you’re eye to eye as he licks your liquid clean off his fingers.

He leaned towards you, the head of his penis poking your entrance. He whispered, so husky and so raspy that you melt. “Can you lift your hips for me, chérie?”

You exhaled, doing his command slowly. He held your hips, slowly guiding you towards him. Then you felt it. First, poking your entrance. Second, slowly pushing inside you. Third, his wholeness is on you. You gasped.

He groans, “So tight and so fucking wet for me.”

His words alone could send you to your climax. He picked up his pace but he’s still pushing in and out of you slowly, giving you time to adjust to his length. He realized that the tightness is unusual, and you felt it too. Your walls stretching open slowly, tearing the muscles that made you shut your eyes. It wasn’t as painful as the first time, but the pain is still there. Jaehyun steadily push himself in and out of you for a minute or two, before you told him to pick up his pace, which he oblige with a nod.

Now you couldn’t help but scream his name for he fucks you like there’s no tomorrow. His hands on both sides of your head, his every thrust digging you deeper on to the mattress. Your toes curl, and you lifted your hips, wanting to feel more of him.

Jaehyun grunts, his sweats dropping on your chest and on your face. His eyes are shut, feeling everything. You clenched around him, sending him to moan your name into the darkness.

“So… fucking… beautiful.” He curses while looking at you, both of your bodies bouncing against the mattress. You cling on to his shoulders then, your hands feeling something bumpy on his back— like two long gashes of scars— near his shoulder blades. What is it? You shake off the questions, there’s time for that.

Jaehyun continued thrusting on you until you felt a tingle in your lower abdomen, cascading down your clit, “Jae— Jaehyun, I’m near—”

By your words, he pulled out of you, a sudden emptiness you felt in your system. But it was short-lived as he guided you towards the window and whispers, “Bend over, chérie.”

You did as you were told, the gloaming greeting you as you bend over the window. Jaehyun inserted himself on you the second you oblige his command, eliciting a gasp from the both of you. The feeling of being fulfilled came back in an instant.

Then he’s grabbing your hair, your shoulders, your upper body; his one hand wrapped around your breast, twirling on your nipple as he fucks you behind.

The horizon is gleaming in red, the sun will shine soon. And the view is spectacular. Here you are, in London, being fucked mercilessly by a man named Jung Jaehyun. You felt your clit pulsate, your climax approaching.

“Jaehyun!” You screamed at the top of your lungs as you felt your climax tore through your body— your mind went blank from the pleasure. Your body trembled in his grasp. Suddenly, the galaxy seemed so near you could grab it.

Then you felt Jaehyun tensed behind you, a loud groan escaping his lips.

“Fuck!” He shuddered. And the whole room were instantly filled with your heavy breathings.

You could feel your knees wobbling, Jaehyun catching you before you fall on the floor. He laid you carefully on the bed before wiping off the liquid off your sexes, the tissues touching your clit made you shudder a bit, still high on your climax. He tucked you on the thick sheets after cleaning both of you, “Sleep well, chérie.” He mumbled against your hair.

Perhaps it was exhaustion and the intoxication that drove you easily to slumber. But before you drift in complete blackness, you felt Jaehyun kissing your shoulder— tucking you closer to his body.

—

An unexpected headache hit you the moment you opened your eyes, the sunlight glinting on the skies above, its gleam infiltrating your room straight to your vision, making you squint.

The sheets wrapped around your naked body and the scattered clothes on the floor reminded you of what happened last night. A smile creep in your lips as you remember the memories.

Jaehyun was nowhere to be found, but the space he took on the bed was still warm in your palms, a sign that he just got out of bed. You supposed he’s back on his own room, taking a shower since the schedule tells you that today is the day you’d come back home.

Wincing by the pain in your head, you wrapped the sheets tighter on your body then you stand up and trudge towards the window. The memory of the gloaming coating the whole sky earlier came back on your mind, with it the feeling of Jaehyun’s hands grasping your body like he never wanted to let go. His groans and his moans whispering like a phantom wind on your ear as you inhale the sweet air of London.

You were somber as you look at everything around you. From the pavement, to the trees, the flowers and the clear blue sky— a dream come true. I’ll be back, you whispered. There was something familiar tugging you in the atmosphere, yet you couldn’t explain what is it.

The door creaked open, revealing a freshly bathed Jaehyun. He doesn’t smile when you meet his eyes, and he didn’t need to show or tell you about last night to know that he remembers— his eyes could absolutely do the work. It amazes you how much emotions his eyes could conjure— it’s like a glass, mirroring his feelings even though he doesn’t express them with words. But the wrath underneath his irises remains no matter how much emotions his eyes could handle.

“Morning,” He softly mumbled, and you repeated the words to him. You notice that he’s holding something behind him.

“What are you carrying?”

By your words, his ears started to redden. You find it adorable— Jaehyun blushing. But you decided not to tease him about it, afraid that you’d ruin the mood. And you’re absolutely sure that he won’t take it kindly once you point it out. He shifted, conspicuously uncomfortable.

When he didn’t answer, you push him a little bit. “Is that for me?” you cooed. His ears are crimson red now. You bite your lips to stop yourself from giggling.

Here he is, your boss, the CEO of a prestigious company, Jung Jaehyun, red as a tomato in front of you. Never in a million years you’ve imagined this to happen. You walked towards him, clutching the sheets on your body. But what’s the point? He has seen everything already. Yet the way his eyes roamed up and down your wrapped body still made the hairs on your neck prickle. He’s looking at you like he doesn’t know what lay underneath the sheets.

“Wear this.” He pushed the gift on your chest that you struggled to catch it for your one hand is busy clutching the sheets to keep you covered.

“What’s this? It’s not something scandalous, right?” You asked, peeking on the insides of the gift.

Jaehyun sighed, “Just… wear it. We have someplace to go to,” Then he’s gone to his own room.

You frown, you thought you’re going home today. But it seems like Jaehyun has another business to go to. You quickly unwrapped the gift, a flowy dress with little flowers all over is the content of it, accompanied with a little note.

I hope you don’t regret anything, chérie. Because I don’t. – J

The note locked you in your place, mouth slightly gaping from the message. You knew it. You knew he doesn’t regret a single thing. Yet his assurance made everything better— even clear as the waters of the lake glinting in the sunlight. And you feel like floating on the same water like a driftwood, unaware of where shore you’d land on, yet enjoying the thrill of the waters still.

You rinse yourself, lathering your hair with shampoo. The places where Jaehyun touched you— worshipped you— last night tingles as you trace them, feeling his calloused yet careful hands against your skin. Was it a dream? Everything that’s happened?  If it was, you pray that you experience it again. And yet you remember that your dreams holds trapped mysteries like the smoke in a crystal ball, too obscured to be understood.

Aurora. Knowing nothing aside from the woman’s appearance left you incomplete— like she was a phantom limb missing in your body, and only knowing something other than her blue eyes would complete you. Who are you? You asked, debating whether to nag about it to Jaehyun again. But you have no wish to ruin the building bond you’re starting with him, you do not want to infuriate him, or yourself if ever he doesn’t answer again. Perhaps in the right time, you’d know everything. But not now. Not when you don’t have any clue of what’s to come the moment your questions are all answered.

You’re certain about one thing, though. And that’s whatever your role might be in this chain of a story, it’s not a flowery path that you’d enjoy. You feel something destructive lying ahead and on the end of this dream, but right now, you’d let yourself run and be a coward for a while.

—

Paris, France. Every woman’s dream. And now you couldn’t contain your self as you spin around the place.

Jaehyun didn’t give away any clue when you were inside his private plane that arrived earlier. Private plane, yes. The truthiness of it made you appalled, like a fish blobbing in the sea. You just knew that you’re already in Paris when you saw the tiny Eiffel Tower from above the clouds.

Everything seemed so serene and peaceful— and you supposed it’s because of the statue of St. Michael standing proudly on the grounds of Place Saint-Michel in 6th arrondissement.

You aren’t a pious lady, but your mother was. That’s why you know the rosary and the prayers of Ave Maria. You and your little sister, Yuqi, would kneel beside her every night before dinner to whisper the prayers alongside her. As a child, you’d always tripped on your words, eliciting a giggle from Yuqi and a glare from your mother. But even though she’d give you a sharp scolding afterwards, you’d never trade the memory for the world.

Jaehyun offered you his right hand, “Come.”

That was his first word after you departed the plane and on the way here. You haven’t yet asked him why did he choose this place to go to. He was so quiet on the way— the kind of silence that you’re so accustomed to— the silence that tells he doesn’t want to talk to anybody.

You take his hand, your palms easily covered by his large ones. Holding hands and walking with your lover in the grounds of Paris was one of your lifetime dreams— and now it’s happening. Your heart couldn’t stop from beating loudly in your chest. But is he your lover? You couldn’t claim him yet, and you don’t know if he’d like that idea. Perhaps you’re stupid, to revel in this feeling, but your heart feels utterly safe whenever you’re with him. Even though Jaehyun is as complicated as a twisted rope, there’s a tug that continues to pull you towards him. As much as you want to understand where it is coming from, there’s a voice in the back of your mind that tells you not to worry about anything. You feel like the ocean water, whenever it flows around the world, it’d still come home in the shores.

“Is that a statue of Archangel Michael?” You asked, wonderment visible on your face.

You’re not good in architecture, but the intricate design of the Renaissance style pediment awed you. It contains of a tablet, the year 1860 inscribed in Roman numerals on its surface. At the central niche, you’d see the statue of Archangel Michael winning a combat against the devil.

“Wow. That must be Lucifer,”

You pointed at the other statue underneath the Archangel. Jaehyun’s grip on you tightened, making you snap your head at him. His face carried no emotions, but his eyes— you couldn’t see them at your position beside him. But he’s looking straight at the statue, like he’s reminiscing an old memory.

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the sinner that needed it most?” Jaehyun said while still looking at the statue. “A quote I’ve read somewhere,” he added when he noticed that you were quiet beside him.

You grew up knowing the stories in the Bible, it has many mysteries, and it’s not perfect. But it molded your little five-year-old heart into the woman that you are now. Looking at Jaehyun, and hearing his quote reminded you of your mother again, and how she taught you not to judge those who has different beliefs than you. You wonder if Jaehyun is one of those people.

“Are you sympathizing with the devil right now?” You asked, careful not to sound insulting. Religion is the one thing you have no idea how to talk with to other people. Asking Jaehyun feels like you’re walking on a thin thread.

He didn’t answer for a minute or two, just continues to hold your hand in every minute that passes. When he does, it was brief and almost breathless, “Yes.”

You inhaled, “May I know why?”

You waited for his sharp reiteration, but none came. Instead, his voice was lacking of life. “Because no one did. No one does,” Then he was silent again.

“Didn’t he betray God?” You regretted the words the moment it slid past your lips. The voice of your mother scolding you for being nosy repeating in your mind. But again, Jaehyun’s voice was toneless. His eyes seems to look at a vestige of something that is long gone.

“Did he, really? Or did I just loved him too much?”

I? But before you could ask him about it, he dragged you away from the statue. Three steps away from it, he turned around and whispered.

“Farewell, brother.”

You almost didn’t hear it. But you were certain you heard him call the statue of the Archangel ‘brother’. You’re supposed to shrug it off and leave him be, but there was hopelessness and longing in his eyes that made you inquisitive.

“Did you just call the statue your brother?”

His mouth opened up and said something, but you didn’t hear the words because of the loud wailing of a child nearby.

—

“Did you just call the statue your brother?”

He doesn’t look at you when he answered, afraid that his eyes might give away his emotions. “Yes. Because he’s indeed my brother. Once.”

Jaehyun hated it. He hated the truth that no matter how many millennia he rots in Earth, the loneliness of not being with his brothers doesn’t disappear. If not, it only makes him more of a sinner. The wanting to fight and win wars with them eats him up like a disease, suffusing all his ability to be sane. Perhaps he was crazy, delusional, to even hang on the little hope that he feels in his heart. Of the hope that one day, he’d spread his wings and fly again into heaven. Yet every time he remembers Aurora, he’s reminded of the punishment on his shoulders.

It angers him still— to think that Aurora lived a life meant to cease— that she lived a life as a vessel to punish the Fallen; him. Albeit realizing the truth, he still loved her with all that he is. And where did that lead her? Into her own doom.

And as he looked at you now, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for what he’s doing. Is this love? He questions himself every night, much more so after that night you shared.  Yet an uncertain feeling that maybe you aren’t one of his punishment makes him want to hold you closer, tighter, longer. Could he risk it? Could he risk you? He couldn’t seem to bear the thought of you withering away from him— yet that is the only way to keep you safe, protected.

He’s thought about you all night, not even a blink of sleep visited him. He’s thought about how beautiful you’d looked in Johnny’s party with your tulle dress and intricate coiffure. And the dance you shared— there’s nothing in this world who could take that memory away from him. It reminds him of Aurora, and their dance that night in her father’s fête. It was familiar yet different at the same time. The thought of her made him froze, remembering how you asked about Aurora sparked a frisson of fear in him. Why are you so eager to know anything about her? There’s a sense of foreboding in your every question about Aurora that made Jaehyun uneasy.

He laid awake beside you, watching your face as you drift off to sleep, while sundries of thoughts occupies his mind. He wonders what kinds of dreams visits you whenever you close your eyes? Is it about him? The thought of you dreaming about him etched a smile on his lips. Yet he’s been cruel to you to even deserve that.

He knows that he must be crueler and put an end to this stupidity. He couldn’t hurt you, no. He’s done a lot of destruction to the people around him already and he couldn’t bear the idea of you hurting because of him. Whether you’re not a part of his punishment, he knows that letting himself fall for you would lead only to your own ruination. That’s why he made up his mind. What he feels for you, he’s determined not to let it eat him up— he’s determined to crush it if it means your safety.

He once had become selfish, and that remissness only resulted to his own heart being shattered and the death of his lover. It’s hard to move on, and it’s harder to forget. One hundred years, the memory still clings to him; Aurora’s skin and bones slowly wilting to the state of emaciation. All of it was his fault. It was his fault because he didn’t guard his heart enough.

It was waggish, Jaehyun thinks. He was a warrior of heaven— his heart unfailingly comes second to his mind. That’s what he’s learned as God’s soldier. Yet he couldn’t believe that the little thing full of veins and arteries inside his body would be his forever retribution.

He wanted to capture the moment every time he’s with you. Specially now, while you innocently eat an ice cream in your hand, strands of your hair loosing from your bun and billowing against the wind. But he knows keeping you there would only ruin you. Everything about him is truly twisted— from the way that he treated you with his actions and with his words. But the fire inside you never once wavered whenever you’re with him. Unlike him, you do not let yourself have grudges towards anyone. Everything for you is a river that flows freely. But Jaehyun, he is a tsunami of feelings, ready to destroy anyone and anything on his wake. There’s simply no way to extricate himself from his nature and damnation.

A strand of hair strayed on your face, he tucked it behind your ear as he watched you with adoration in his eyes. “Are you fond of angels?”

He blamed himself for your question. Perhaps he was overwhelmed by seeing the statue of Archangel Michael earlier, and perhaps you’ve seen it in his eyes. He knows the question isn’t meant to harm him but it overwrought him even so.

He nodded, “You could say that,”

He was fond of angels, of course. Because he’s one of them. Even though the rules of his damnation kept him tied to Earth, the wings in his back and the ichorous blood that runs in his veins still stand as an attestation of his angelic identity. No one could take that from him.

You smiled sheepishly at him, your eyes reflecting something he couldn’t quite understand. Your irises conjures a secret he wanted to know, yet it’s obvious that you would tell him soon. But there is no soon left for the both of you. After this day, he knows you’d come back and hate him again. He knows he no longer would see the stars in your eyes and the constellations in it. He knows he won’t kiss you and hear the prayers on your lips again. He won’t be allowed to thread his fingers against the finest silk that is your hair. The star between you two would die even before it is born. And he forces himself to think that that is for the best.

—

“That’s… wonderful, sis.” Yuqi commented as she entered your room with a bag of chips in hand.

You just came back from Paris yesterday, with a bag of memories that you’d treasure for the rest of your life. The last day was by far the best trip you’ve ever had. You explored half of Paris’ tourist attractions, dined in their famous restaurants, and slept with a five-star hotel with Jaehyun. Surprisingly, he allowed himself to sleep with the same room as you. But nothing happened. And no pillowtalks was shared. Jaehyun’s not that type of man, he made sure of that. Yet the silence that you shared together was still enough to make you happy. You stared with each other, smiling, your eyes talking, and him kissing your forehead before you fall asleep. It was enough, and it was perfect.

“Is it, though?” You raised your brow at your sister, popping a handful of chips in your mouth.

Knowing about Jaehyun’s fondness of angels, especially of fallen angels, you decided to give the painting you’re working on on his birthday. Even though it is not originally your idea, the familiar tug in your heart tells you that Jaehyun won’t mind. And you have to trust your intuition. It is better than nothing.

“Yes. Never really thought you to be a Renaissance girl,”

“That’s literally my style, Yuqi.” You told her and she shrugged. “You’re not really giving much attention to your big sis’ art life.” You jokingly frowned at her. Yuqi gathered the softest pillow and hit you with it.

“If you don’t remember, I am currently specializing in finance. That is like, what, poles away from your profession.”

“Whatever.”

She shifted on her seat, “You said that’s not a commission. What’s that for, then? Don’t tell me we’d just hang that piece in our walls. I mean, yes, we could. But I know you won’t let that painting sit in this apartment.”

“Why? What’s wrong with our apartment? And I still don’t know what to do with it. Maybe give it to someone else?” That is not a ‘maybe’. You’d really give it to someone, but you’re unready to discuss the idea of gifting Jaehyun with your art to your sister.

“Someone? Who is that someone?” She chivvied. You shrugged and laugh at her. There’s no way you’d tell her.

Yuqi stayed in your room for the whole day, eating and binging dramas while you work on your canvas. Finally, you could envision how it’d turn out. Thankfully, it’s turning out the same as the one in your dream.

Then Aurora’s face flashed in your mind. Wherever she is, would she condemn you for recreating her artwork? It suddenly felt wrong, to give this to Jaehyun. How twisted it is. That the same girl who constantly appears in your dreams is connected to the people you work with in real life. The sudden realization hit you like a tidal wive. It is real. And it feels wrong to remind Jaehyun of Aurora somehow through her painting.

You tugged on your hair, blowing out a frustrated sigh because of your lack of common sense. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Yet letting the almost-finished canvas to rot in the corner of your room is worse than finishing it. Maybe you’d come up with another gift to give Jaehyun.

But why am I thinking about this too much? Why am I so invested in pleasing Jaehyun when he haven’t even texted nor called me for two days?

You shrugged and kept all your art materials. Demanding for a simple hi nor hello from Jaehyun is what you call absurdity. The bed is specially inviting tonight and dwelling on your ridiculous thoughts won’t help you get the paycheck tomorrow and pay the bills. Even though you fear for the dreams to visit you again, you have a work that would need your productivity tomorrow so you decided to sleep.

Your name— it’s being uttered by different voices; there is the voice of a child, of a woman, and that of an old person. What is happening?

“Please, wake up.” They say.

Then you heard the sobs, echoing through the whole house. The house is huge, it’s like a labyrinth of corridors. Gathering your white dress, you spin around, trying to locate the voices. The whole house seemed to gyrate in every step that you take, muffling the cries and the pleas.

You flit to nowhere, but the voices are getting louder every time you open the wrong door. It’s like an endless hallway and the cries are getting disconcerting, begging for you to find it. A huge oak door greeted you at the end of the hallway, and with your heart thundering against your chest, you pushed it open.

The room is familiar— it’s the same room where you found the canvas. A kneeling family around a queen-sized bed welcomed you as you fully entered the room. Their hands are clasped with rosaries, obviously praying.

“Hello?”

They don’t seem to hear you. You walked closer towards the bed. A frail body resting on it, her bones are jutting out and her skin looked ashen. Her chests, the way it rises and falls gave you a preposterous goosebumps.

“Y/N!”

You covered your mouth. It was Aurora. The hair. But why are they calling her with your name?

“Y/N, don’t die!” The little girl screamed, river of tears flowing on her cheeks.

The sight made your heart sunk. They are all crying, begging, praying. Yet no one seems to hear them.

“I’m sorry, Aurora.”

You whirled your head to see Jaehyun standing on the corner. He looked so hopelessly defeated. Red rimmed his eyes, with fresh tears coming out of it. He’s crying, and he’s the only one who doesn’t call Aurora by your name.

What is going on? Is this why he doesn’t want to talk about her? Because she’s dead?

But when did she die?

—

“I… had a dream.”

Yuqi continued eating, but she told you to go on by nodding.

The dreams, they are not as friendly as you think they would be. They keep on coming, getting more and more peculiar every time they visit you in your sleep, to the point that searching and reading articles about it on Google couldn’t help you anymore. They are bottling up inside your chest, and you have a jarring feeling that any time soon, they would burst.

“About… about a girl. I always dream about her. In different places… and I think she’s not from our year. Her clothes, the way she carries herself— she reminds me of a princess. Or… a lady.” You haven’t thought that opening it up to your sister would be this hard. Your words are twisting and trampling on their own.

“Have you searched about it yet?”

“Yes. Search engines couldn’t even help me in this one.”

“Maybe a fortune teller could help.”

Fortune teller? Where on earth could you find one in this modern society? You sighed, promising yourself not to tell anybody about it again. Yuqi seemed disinterested about the whole notion, and you wished you could be like her too.

—

Mind wandering off to different places, you trekked inside Jung’s Fiscals. The voices and the cries of Aurora’s family echoing in your mind elicited a grimace from you. They felt so in pain. And you know that kind of pain— the kind of pain when you lost someone dear to you.

“Y/N!”

“Morning, Soo.”

“What’s wrong? That type of face wasn’t what I was expecting from a London girl!” She teased.

You tried to smile and laugh with her, telling her stories about your trip all the way to the elevator. But before you got inside, she turned you to face her. “Mr. Jung has already arrived… with a girl.”

A girl? You blinked, wondering who she might be. But then you remembered that Chaelin is a girl and she’s friends with Jaehyun. Soojin probably doesn’t know her and you have no time to ask her about the girl’s appearance. So you shrugged off the unsettling feeling in your system and gave Soojin a quick peck on the cheek before stepping in the elevator.

Once inside, you fished your phone in your pocket. A text from Jaehyun was displayed on the screen.

[Bring two cups of coffee once you arrived.]

You frowned at the message. That’s it? No good morning or take care?

After cleaning off your desk and checking for anything amiss, you walked towards the kitchen to make Jaehyun and his guest cups of coffee. Him, arriving before you was unusual. What could possibly be the reason? You shrugged and did his command, setting the hot coffees on the tray.

You balanced the tray in your arms, careful not to spill the coffee. The door clicked, you pushed it open by swaying your hips.

You breathed, “Good—”

And all of your efforts to be careful were washed down by a cold bucket of reality as you stare at the scene in front of you.

The girl from Jaehyun’s penthouse. She’s pressed against the wall, legs wrapped around Jaehyun’s waist. She’s almost naked, with Jaehyun kissing her like there’s no tomorrow. He grasps her waist and her breast, earning a moan from her.

Your arms wobbled. And the next thing you heard was the shattering of the coffee mugs against the floor, together with your heart.

[concealeddarkness13]

WHG 15 Post-Games Imposter Syndrome Part 17

Two days after part 16! Tagging: @sparkles-and-hens, @knmartinshouldbewriting, @maple-writes (also thanks for Indigo!), @pen-of-roses, @thoughts-of-nora, @ratracechronicler (also thanks for Hugo!)!

Two days after the encounter with the Bystander, and Churi had been trying so hard to break me. Torturing me and trying to hurt me with his words. He was finding it was harder than he thought it would be to break me. Oh darn.

I was sleeping since it had been a late night with scoping out the Capitol again and trying to fall asleep. My back and arms were throbbing from the healed wounds. And of course, there was a knock on my door.

I rolled over and covered my face with a pillow. Not in the mood, damn it. “Fuck off.”

“Good morning to you too.” Oh great. It was the bastard scientist. “Are you dressed?”

I was, but I wouldn’t let her know that. “Shiiiit. One second.” I jumped up and grabbed my collapsible hat. I needed it today. I opened the door with my wide hat on and grinning brilliantly. “What can I do for you on this fine day?”

She did glance at the hat first. Ha. But then she looked back at me. “Just stopping by to see how you were doing.”

“Sure you were. Are you going to ask about my eating habits again? Or have we graduated to my sleeping habits?” I stepped aside to let her in, however. It wasn’t like I had much of a choice.

She took a seat on the chair in there. “Alright, that wasn’t my main purpose today. Though I do like to keep an eye on how Churi treats his captives.”

“Well, if you’re interested, my sleeping habits would be better if I wasn’t woken up at 6 in the morning. Just saying.” I leaned against the door as it closed. I wasn’t going to sit down.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She reached into her pocket and took out a phone I recognized. Shine had worked so hard on that. A decoy phone that would flash so brightly that it would temporarily blind whoever tried to unlock it. It was cracked. “You know, I ran into someone the other day.”

I stiffened. What the hell had she done? “Huh. And by that, I assume you mean you went and visited Churi’s prison?”

“I try and avoid that place honestly.” She turned the phone over in her hand. “I ran into them snooping through some files.” Bullshit. “Now that I’ve met them I have to admit I underestimated them since they put up a good fight.”

I snorted, clinging to the fact that she was lying. “Sure. What are you trying to do? Give me hope? I think that’s the opposite of what the Capitol wants.”

She shrugged and set the phone on the table. “I just thought it would be polite to tell you they didn’t make it. Churi didn’t see the need to tell you but you have a right to know.”

No.

No.

I sucked in a breath, and my fist flew on its own, right into the smug bastard’s face. My hat fell off as I pounced on her to knock her to the ground as tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. “I’ll kill you!”

The coward yelped and covered her face as I punched her repeatedly, barely even finding satisfaction in how my fist connected. I was actually crying now, and my voice cracked. “I’ll kill you! What did you do?”

She tried to crawl away, but I just grabbed her shirt and slammed her up against the wall. I glared as I started shaking. Shine…Shine was… “You think I’d let you get away so easily?” I growled.

She was bleeding, but I didn’t even think about my magic. She wasn’t even trying to struggle. “Stop.”

Hell no. I tightened my grip as Shine lying curled up on the floor as they bled out flashed through my mind. “Like you had any mercy on Shine?” A sob escaped my lips before I could stop it. Shine… My grip loosened a little. They…they were gone. I squeezed my eyes shut as tears fell hot down my cheeks. “You…you…they’re gone.”

She tried to struggle, but she was too weak. Good. But before I could punch her again, or do anything smart, Peacekeepers kicked down the door to my room and pulled me off of her. I struggled, but it was no use. I wouldn’t be able to actually follow through on my promise. I went limp as they held me. They won. I couldn’t let her touch anyone else on my crew. “You…you can tell Churi that I give in. I’ll cooperate with the Capitol when they show me off on TV.”

*

After a lot of crying and more crying, I finally decided to get up and do something. I had only promised to cooperate on TV. I hadn’t said anything about any other time. And I could steal something from Aurora Dewpoint, an associate of Indigo’s, that would make Indigo sweat. But, I’d like to have a companion with me. And who better than Hugo?

I cracked open his door. “Psst. Hugo! You awake?”

He sat up quickly. “No. Triel? Is that you?”

“No. I’m the dream version of Triel, here to make your wildest dreams come true.” I trotted over to his bed with a grin. “Would you want to go on a stealing heist with me?”

He relaxed. “Oh, hell, yeah.” He worked his way out of the covers, his movements stiff. Shit. What had they been doing to him? “Who are we robbing this time?”

I grinned wider. I had missed him so much. It was a good distraction. “An associate of a bastard scientist who needs to see some of her important shit get burned. I know how to sneak into the associate’s house, and you can steal whatever you want while I find what I’m looking for.”

“Finally, some proper trespassing. Lead the way.”

I did, going back to my room and opening the window, since the locks were still broken. I jumped out into the night and made my way to Aurora Dewpoint’s house. There were plenty of windows to act as handholds to get to the roof, so I scrambled up there to get to a ventilation shaft.

I nodded over at Hugo. “Meet in an hour if you want to split up.” I didn’t give him a chance to really respond. I just wanted to grab the vial of Aurora’s son’s hair that she had kept after hiring Indigo to get rid of him.

The room that probably had the vial was near the kitchen, so I slipped in there from the shaft, absentmindedly grabbed a fruit from a bowl, and walked over to the room. I glanced back and smiled a little when I saw Hugo snooping around close. It was nice to know someone was on my side. I snooped around in the room, found the vial, and headed out after snagging a candle and some matches. It wasn’t a lot of hair. I scrambled back out with Hugo close behind me, and when we got far enough away from the house, Hugo spoke up. “You got what you were looking for?”

I nodded and held up the vial. “Yeah, I did! And we’re gonna go burn it.”

“Arson. Spicy. I’m on board. Where are we going?”

“A secluded place.” I pulled out my phone. “And once I start videoing, don’t speak and don’t get in view of the camera. I’m not incriminating you with me.”

“What more are they gonna do to me?” He scoffed, but I decided not to comment. “Alright. Fine. As long as I don’t have to go back right away.”

I grinned. “Of course not! I like your company.” I found an empty alley and pulled out the candle and matches. “Yeah, it won’t be much of a show.”

“I got this important-looking document if you wanna burn it, too, just for background lighting or whatever. I wasn’t gonna do anything with it. Unless you think a solo piece works best.” He leaned against a wall and offered the document.

I grinned. Brilliant! “Sure!” I took the paper and lit the candle. I turned the camera toward me and took a bite of the fruit I had stolen. Grin. “You were asking about my eating habits, so I hope this satisfies you. I’ve been busy tonight and I happened to run across this.” I held up the vial with the code facing the camera, and the document. “This seems to be from Ms. Aurora Dewpoint, and it seems to be the hair of her son, Skyler Dewpoint, who didn’t die but is in fact alive and well despite the aforementioned woman’s best efforts. Yes, Aurora Dewpoint sold her only son, Skyler Dewpoint, to Umbra Ursi, run by Dr. Indigo Carmine, for Ms. Carmine to get rid of. Which she failed to do. And it would be a shame if this was sent to all the important people in Panem, now wouldn’t it? Unfortunate indeed.” I opened the vial and burned the hair in the candle, along with the document as the words faced the camera. “And I’m guessing that was important, wasn’t it? Ms. Aurora Dewpoint wouldn’t keep it otherwise. Certainly not for sentimental reasons. Well, I hope this finds you well, Ms. Carmine. Go fuck yourself.” I gave her a beautiful middle finger and then cut off the video.

Hugo grinned in the background and spoke once I was done. “You got a real way with words, hat lady.”

I grinned back at him and blew out the candle. “Thanks!”

And of course, a voice just had to yell at us right after that. “Who are you and what are you doing here?”

Steve? From training? I tossed the candle and matches farther down the alley before turning to Steve with a radiant smile. Fake fear dripped through my voice. “Oh, Steve, you found us! We were so lost. It’s fortunate we ran into you.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure the other Peacekeeper who led us out here was just trying to get in trouble.” Hugo faked nervousness. Nice.

“And then he just left us. The rude man. He should be reported.”

Steve just stared at us before he stuttered a little. “You—you’re supposed to be dead!”

“And you’re supposed to be the head of the Counterintelligence Department.” Hugo actually sounded pleasant, like it was a compliment. “But life ain’t fair and nobody’s perfect, so here we are.” I had to suppress a snort of laughter.

Steve just spluttered some more. “I—I have to take you in for questioning!”

I shrugged. Fine. Whatever. “We have nothing to hide. Be my guest.” I hadn’t broken any rules. Ha. And I wouldn’t let them say Hugo had either. As Steve led us away, Hugo gave me a look of confidence, and I grinned back at him.

Steve took us to a Peacekeeper building and put us in a bare room with mirrors on all the walls. He stared at us a little bit, opening his mouth a few times before he spoke. “I’ll be back.” And he left.

I winked over at Hugo. “Thanks. Let’s screw with him some more.” I pulled out my collapsible hat, which I had been smart enough to bring, and uncollapsed it. I took my mom’s necklace out first, just in case Steve decided to take the hat, and put it around my neck, hidden under my shirt. I grinned. “And let’s have some fun.” Hugo didn’t say anything, but he smiled the perfect evil smile.

When he came back in, Steve looked a little put together, but then he froze and stared between us. He stuttered again. “So—so what were you two doing out there when you were supposed to stay in your rooms?”

I sighed. “You sound just like my mother.” Question: was I referring to the fact that I didn’t have a mother or to Volt, who was like a mother to me now? I didn’t even know. “But we told you. A Peacekeeper dragged us out there and just left us. You should be questioning him instead.”

“Then you could play good cop, bad cop together instead of, y’know, letting yourself be outnumbered. By two completely innocent zombies who were just following directions.” Hugo sounded completely innocent. Beautiful.

He looked hopelessly lost. “You—no one was sent to take you anywhere. You’re lying…” He trailed off, so that meant he didn’t really believe that. Ha.

I went for the kill. I batted my eyes at him, and he gulped. “Would we ever lie to you?”

“Yeah. C’mon, buddy. We go way back,” Hugo chimed in. “Name one time we’ve led you astray, eh? You can’t.”

He flushed at that. Probably remembering a certain training day with a certain lady pretending she didn’t know how to use any weapons. Wasn’t me, though. “You—I…”

I sauntered forward and took his hand, looking up at him all innocent. “Find the person who’s really responsible for this, won’t you Mr. Peacekeeper, sir?”

“You wouldn’t let injustice go undone on your watch, would you?” Hugo delivered the finishing blow, putting his hands together under his chin to look like a disconcerting, pleading, too-old-to-be-a-child human.

Steve took one glance at me after his eyes skirted away from Hugo, and he flushed. Poor fellow. This was too easy. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t say anything, and the door opened to save him. Churi. Of course.

But he also look dumbfounded, so ha. He frowned. “Why would you throw all your promises away for an outing that has no gain for you?”

Middle finger. C’mon, that was just an instinct now whenever I saw him. “Actually, I’ve followed my one promise to the letter. As best I can before the Capitol even shows me off on TV. I only agreed to be cooperative on TV.”

The good thing was that Churi was only paying attention to me. His lips thinned, and his eyes burned with anger, and he started to say something, but he stopped himself and thought. “Actually, you’re right. And I should have seen you pulling a loophole like that. I will not let that happen again.” His eyes landed on the necklace, and he smirked. “I’m glad you still have that lost memento of your past.”

I clenched my jaw for a little bit before I could bite out any words through a smile. “Since we didn’t break any rules, surely there can’t be a punishment. Escort us back with the stern talking-to you’re planning.”

Churi nodded and started walking, and I looked back at Hugo with a wink and a grin. “Thanks for being here! It was fun!” I whispered.

“Yeah! I’m glad it worked out, more or less.” He gave me a thumbs up back. It was awesome to have someone on my side.

Once we got back to the apartment, but before he could lock me up again, I looked over at him with an innocent smile. “Do you happen to have Indigo Carmine’s phone number? I’d like to thank her for today.” Banking on the fact that he probably didn’t like her too.

A smile crept across his lips, and he wrote down a number. “Thank her as much as you would like.”

I grinned and snagged it before slamming the door to my room in his face. I would send the video tomorrow morning.

[mayacvstillo]

— 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘: 𝐌𝐀𝐘𝐀!

“Las mejores canciones del mundo y solo mi opinión importa.” 

(i). tras de mí - rbd: una guitarra y mi niñez. la escuela y mi primera vez. amigos que no he vuelto a ver se van quedando tras de mí. (ii). solita - kali uchis: solita, solita. bailando aquí sola, como a mí me gusta. solita, solita. bailando aquí sola és mejor que con el diablo. (iii). daylight - joji & diplo: and I have been a hero all, helpless, i’m in hell. and I've cried up and down in these hallways blamed myself. (iv). empire state of mind - jay-z, alicia keys: in new york. concrete jungle where dreams are made of. there's nothin' you can't do. now you're in new york. these streets will make you feel brand-new. big lights will inspire you. let's hear it for new york. (v). mala santa - becky g: no soy ni mala ni santa. tráeme alcohol pa' que se moje la garganta. una como yo, a ti te hace falta. calladita, pero a veces soy mala. empiezo y no quiero parar. (vi). she’s thunderstorms - arctic monkeys: she's thunderstorms in an unusual place. when you feeling far away, she does what the night does to the day. (vii). downtown (feat. j balvin) - anitta: en las noches soy yo la que define todo lo que va pasar. a mi no me tienes que mandar.

BONUS TRACKS: 

(viii). veneno - anitta: porque yo soy tu veneno controlando tu cuerpo, tú me das lo que quiero. soy tu veneno, estás jugando con fuego. cuidao', que te quemo.

(ix). dákiti - bad bunny x jhay cortez: hace tiempo le rompieron el cora'. estudiosa, puesta pa' ser doctora pero le gustan los títere' wheeleando motora. yo estoy pa' ti las 24 hora'.

(x). finding my way home - far caspian: i could find my strength. step back, rebuild. all the damage has been done so it seems i've lost my time.

(xi). walk away (from “high school musical 3″) - vanessa hudgens: i've got to let it go, start protecting my heart and soul 'cause i don't think i'll survive a goodbye again, not again! just walk away and don't look back 'cause if my heart breaks, it's gonna hurt so bad. you know i'm strong, but i can't take that.

(xii). yeah right - joji: i'ma fuck up my life. we gon' party all night. she don’t care if I die. yeah right, yeah right.

(xiii). 7 - catfish and the bottleman: and I don't think through things, i never get time 'cause I don't think things through.

(xiv). la luz (fín) - kali uchis, jhay cortez: vamo' a hacer cosa', tú tan hermosa. callaíta' pero peligrosa. tú me gustas, mami, tú me la explota'. con ese cuerpo se te nota que rebota.

(xv). into the unknown (from “frozen 2″) - idina menzel, aurora: i've had my adventure, i don't need something new. i'm afraid of what i'm risking if i follow you into the unknown. 

[schrijverr]

Take the New Texas out of a boy

Jonny still carries a lot of internalized biases and prejudices against himself from growing up in New Texas, which wasn’t progressive. Aboard the Aurora he undergoes a journey of self-discovery in a safe space.

This started as ‘Ooh, wait! What if Jonny wears a corset’ and it somehow ended up as ‘Jonny deals with internalized homophobia, internalized misogyny and self esteem issues, figures out his gender expression, which finally leads to a Jonny centric polycule’ 

On AO3

Ships: Jonny/ Tim, Ashes, Marius and Brian, but the focus ismore focused on the frienship between Jonny & Ashes & Tim while he discovers himself

Wanrings: homophobia, internalized homophobia, internalized misogyny and self esteem issues. Tell me if I missed anything else!

~~~~~~~~~~~

New Texas was many things, well that was not true, New Texas was barely anything at all really, but one of the things that it most certainly wasn’t, was progressive.

The backwater asteroid that claimed to be a planet with potential for life was nothing, but filled with rot and people who would never be more than the dust on their clothes and the smoke in their lungs, who would rather see you dead for being different.

Jonny had never fit in there.

He’d always known he was different, as cliché as that might seem. He wanted more than getting drunk in a casino, playing away his last bit of money so that he could forever be enslaved by the casino boss to become a killer for hire.

That wasn’t for him. He did it out of necessity, but it wasn’t the end goal. Once he would have enough, he would get out of there. He hadn’t figured out how or to where, but he would not rot between these people.

The first moment he’d realized that, was when Henry from the mill had been hung on top of his own propellers. He’d heard that they’d found out he’d tried to pay another man for services, if you knew what they were saying. Apparently it hadn’t gone over well with the other guy.

Jonny had seen the man hanging there, swaying in the wind and a fear had gripped his heart.

You see, just the day before Jonny had been trying to come up with a good way to tell Ronny that he thought he was pretty, well, pretty. He didn’t know why the other boy got his heart racing, but he did and Jonny, being a naive youngster, wanted to do something about it.

Henrys death had quickly discouraged him from that. He still wanted to hold Ronnys hand, but it wasn’t worth dying over and when he’d started to pay attention to his fathers drunken rambling afterwards, he knew who would be the first to do him in for that.

So, he resolved to get out of there to a place where he could hold Ronnys hand if he wanted to. He knew it was probably futile, but it was a dream he clung to when things got too hard.

His resolve strengthened after he sold his life to Jack and his famous casino.

Jacks casino was famous not only because it was the only one in town, but also because Jack had show girls. The only ones there were no other bar where you could see them, Jack made sure of that, they were good for business after all.

They would be decked out with feathers, fishnets, tiny slips and corsets all on high heels. And Jonny adored them. Whenever he would need to be in Jacks casino, whether it was to deliver something or to get new orders, he would stare dreamily at them dancing.

Most of the patrons made fun of him for being in love with the show girls and Jonny would tell them to piss off, pretending they knew the truth.

The real truth was that Jonny wasn’t in love with them. No, they couldn’t be further away from his type. He was, however, in love with their outfits.

He dreamed of how the fishnets would hug his legs and how the corset would make him delicate and how whoever saw him would be taken aback by his beauty like the men in the casino were with the show girls.

Jonny knew that was a futile dream.

He’d heard from many different mouths that he wasn’t really appealing to look at and he was also slowly resigning himself to being stuck on New Texas forever, the idea of getting away only further out of reach with each passing day.

But with the arrival of a Doctor that idea suddenly seemed so weird.

She took him with her, but with how she twisted him and made him into her puppet there wasn’t really time to explore his newfound freedom away from home.

He tried to fight against every new member, but it wasn’t enough. She never stopped until he got rid of her, not that he’ll ever admit it was him. And he could never forget her either.

By the time she was gone a status quo had arisen on board of the Aurora. Jonny had automatically situated himself in a position from where he could fight. He was the though one, the first one, the one who would take the blows. Effectively shutting himself off from any chance to be dainty or delicate.

His new friends were more accepting, though. Ashes was respected, no questions asked, Nastya was allowed to be herself with her girlfriend and any comment made by the others about hot people of the opposite gender, were barely even blinked at.

Jonnys heart felt lighter with that, although he would always catch himself before he could say something. The fear of a lifetime still deeply ingrained in his mind.

After a few centuries the others had picked up on it and Ashes had laughed: “Hey, Jonny, it’s not a crime to be straight. If you’re feeling too awkward to comment, ‘cause of us, feel free. Don’t worry. Marius is also allowed to make comments about girls as well as the blokes.”

“Uh, what? No- huh, I don’t- I’m not-” Jonny had cleverly responded, so taken aback by it.

“Oh that’s okay too, Jonny.” Tim had smiled at him and it wasn’t mentioned again.

Jonny was glad no one expected anything of him, even if he felt guilty about pretending to be someone he was not. But he’d done it his entire life, what were a few millennia more?

But then he got more comfortable over the course of time and after a while the lie weighed too heavily on him, so he’d awkwardly called together the crew. Most of them were raising his brow at him and when he’d struggled for a couple of minutes, Ashes said: “Just spit it out, man.”

He took a deep breath: “I’m not, uhm, I’m not aroace. I’m g- I’m gay…” he rushed to add: “I’m sorry I know I should’ve said it when you all assumed, but I just didn’t- I couldn’t and then it was too late and it was nice to not have expectations, but then I felt bad and I really did want to tell you, but it never seemed to be the time and-”

“Breathe, Jonny.” he got interrupted by Brian, “It’s alright.”

“Really?” Jonny asked, still a bit fearful.

“Yeah,” Tim smiled and cheered, “one of us!”

Ashes pushed him over and said: “Already was, dumbass.”

“I know, but I meant it as one of me and Brian, you know.” Tim agreed.

“We shouldn’t have assumed, god knows us of all people shouldn’t have and you shouldn't feel guilty about waiting until you were ready.” Brian told Jonny with a gentle smile.

Carefully Jonny smiled back and was promptly tackled into a hug from Marius and Raphaella, who had snuck up behind him. Laughing while taking him down to the ground.

After that life continued as normal. The first time Jonny had made a comment about a guy, he’d looked around with fear, only relaxing when Tim smirked: “Well spotted! You should go up to him.”

Jonny had frantically shaken his head. Just making the comment had been scary enough, the idea of actually putting himself out there with people he didn’t know was too much.

“Okay, no problem.” Tim assured him quickly, “Do you mind if I do?”

“No, go ahead.” Jonny had squeaked, watching as Tim chatted the guy up and moments later disappeared with a wink over his shoulder.

A bit of jealousy crept over Jonnys spine and he didn’t know what he was more jealous off. The fact that Tim would be getting laid or the fact that Tim had the confidence to walk up to someone like that while knowing he could get murdered for it.

They couldn't die, of course. Jonny knew that, but the fear was still there and he didn’t think his heart could take it, despite the strong metal it was made of.

As the years passed he got more comfortable, however, until he could flirt like he’d always wanted to when he watched men at the casino try to get a free drink from the bartender with the tiny low cut shirt and the red lipped smirk.

But while he was living one of his dreams, there still was another he kept hidden.

His mind often wondered back to the show girls with their corsets, especially when he saw a dolled up boy on a planet they were visiting or dancers, like back home, in a club. His fingers would itch to try for himself, but he couldn’t.

Jonny d’Ville was a macho man.

He liked violence and weapons, he swore like, well, like a sailor. He was masculine and tried to project that as much as possible. It was a defense, he knew it was, but he didn’t know how he could break that wall down.

Still, he allowed a wistful gaze to linger on display windows, but only after checking if no one could see.

It was doomed to fail, since everyone aboard the Aurora was much more observant than Jonny gave them credit for, so after years of catching Jonny staring out of the corner of his eye on a thousand different planets, Tim commented: “You can steal it if you like it, or buy it.”

Immediately Jonny stiffened, before snapping: “What are you on about, Tim? You think I fucking want that?”

“Well, why else would you be staring at them like they’re your star-crossed lover.” Tim rolled his eyes.

He didn’t see the shot coming, but he did hear and feel it as he collapsed to the ground, only coming to a bit later, slung over Brians shoulder with Jonny nowhere in sight. Tim knew better than to mention it again and life went on. Jonny pointedly never looking at the displays, no matter how much he wanted to.

But even if Tim never mentioned it, he did not let it go. He himself had always regretted never shooting his shot with Bertie and he used this life to never pass up again. Jonny deserved the same even if it was about something different.

So when they were planetside again, he went looking. It had to be something subtle, something believable.

At the end of the day he returned to the ship and loudly exclaimed: “Everyone gather around, here, here, come on.”

“What is it, Tim.” Ashes called out from the kitchen, where they were making themself a drink.

“I shoplifted a bunch of stuff, not really looking, just shoving shit in pockets, you know. I already filtered out what I liked, so now you can fight over the rest.” Tim explained.

“Bold of you to assume we like the same things.” Ashes replied.

“I just told you it was random, there could be stuff you like. And I have impeccable taste!” Tim defended himself.

The rest of the crew had gathered around the table where Tim had dumped a pile of stuff. Jonny was already rooting around in it and Tim waited until he had found it. Bingo, he thought when he saw Jonnys eyes light up as he pulled the gigantic belt from the pile.

He held it up to inspect it, it was brown leather a good 6 inches broad with a big golden buckle, exactly something Jonny would like and the others wouldn’t and it was something that could subtly function like a thing such as a corset, making a figure appear more feminine.

Ashes saw it and joked: “I don’t think that’s your size, Jonny.”

“Yes, it is. Fuck you.” Jonny shot them a glare.

The others were now looking as well and Marius commented: “Are you sure this was all random, Tim? That is too much Jonny to be coincidence.”

Jonnys glare now became suspicious as he turned to Tim. Tim held up his hands and said: “I swear, really. I probably took it because it was shiny.”

“Magpie.” Jonny teased.

“Like you’re one to talk.” Tim stuck out his tongue. Jonny did the same, before shoving the belt in his pocket for as much as that was possible and diving back into the pile.

Once the pile had disappeared into the hands of the crew, they set to drinking together.

The next day when all had awoken en slept off the hangover, Tim saw Jonny again. The First Mate was shooting at an octokitten, but that wasn’t important. What was important was that he was wearing the belt. It was a sitting around his waist, a bit higher than normal and it seemed like it had been pulled a hole too tight.

Tim smirked and congratulated himself on the success.

He then went to attack Jonny and save the octokitten from Jonnys violence, because even if he was sure that the critter had probably earned it, it didn’t deserve it.

After that the belt became every day attire for Jonny, so with that in mind Tim set to the next part of his plan. He again snuck off when they were on a planet, he thought Ashes was feeling the need to burn something and Nastya didn’t want that on her precious Aurora.

Coming back he again called everyone together and loudly proclaimed: “I robbed a jewelry store.”

“Since when are you such a thief? This is the second time already.” Marius asked him.

Tim shrugged: “There isn’t much else to do and I thought why not take it before it gets burned, you know. It’s a pity to let it go to waste.”

He looked back and saw Jonny poking the pile with a mixed expression on his face, like he wanted to take it, but wasn’t sure if that would be okay to do.

The others had already grabbed the few things they liked, so Tim decided it was fine before he said: “Just take them, Jonny. They’re going to be in the way otherwise and I’m sure your collection of useless shiny things is far from complete.”

Jonny looked like he was going to protest, before he deflated and grabbed all the leftover jewelry and grumbled: “It isn’t useless.”

Then it was playing the waiting game again.

It took a few weeks, but finally Jonny arrived with a few bracelets dangling around his wrist and a blush high on his face as he tried to hide them and cringed every time they clanked together.

Later he was wearing a chain around his neck and a while after that he’d filled up the holes Tim hadn’t realized were in his ears. He couldn’t know Jonny had pierced them himself just for this, of course.

Tim made sure to complement him each time he saw a piece of jewelry. The first few times Jonny had given him a wary look, but Tim had tried his best to look earnest and now he’d gotten to the point where Jonny would come up to him to show him the jewelry.

When that became normal, he waited a few more days, before laying down on the opposite couch and sighing: “I wish I could paint my nails.”

From the corner of his eyes he saw Jonny perk up, then the fake uninterested reply came: “Why can’t you?”

“I don’t wanna do it alone.” Tim pouted, “And Brian doesn’t have nails, not really, same goes for The Toy Soldier. Ashes, Ivy and Nastya don’t like me enough. I don’t trust Marius not to psychoanalyze me over it and Raphaella will turn it into some sort of experiment.”

After a beat of silence Jonny said: “You didn’t name me.”

And now came the important part. Tim sat up with a grin and concurred: “Exactly, I didn’t.”

Jonny seemed to realize what he was implying and shot up saying: “No, I’m not doing that. Don’t involve me in your dumb wishes.”

Mentally Tim rolled his eyes at Jonny, but externally he pouted: “Please, Jonny. I don’t wanna do it alone and you’re the only one who I can trust, please. I promise I’ll try my best. You can even pick a color.”

Jonny bit his lip while he thought about it. He didn’t have to think long, already having decided that this was too good of an opportunity to pass him by, and agreed: “Fine, but you so owe me after this.”

Tim cheered, before getting his stuff.

When he returned Jonny had slid off the couch and was sitting next to the small table waiting for him. He smiled at Jonny and put his nail polishes in a row, letting Jonny pick a color.

He picked black and Tim snorted. Getting defensive, Jonny snapped: “What?”

“Nothing, just expected that already.” Tim said, grabbing the silver bottle for himself and setting the rest aside.

Taking Jonnys hand, Jonny asked him: “Aren’t we doing your hands first?”

Tim shook his head: “No, you need to see how to do it first before I allow you to potentially fuck up my nails.”

“Hey, who says I’m gonna fuck it up.” Jonny exclaimed indignantly.

“Me, because you’re already not paying attention.” Tim told him.

Jonny snapped his gaze back to Tim, who had already started painting Jonnys nails. The First Mate had kept his hands still despite the protesting, something Tim found quite funny.

Soon Jonnys first coat was dry and it was his turn to try and paint Tims hands.

Tim had to fight to keep the smile at bay as he watched Jonnys brow furrow in concentration and his tongue poke out while he carefully painted Tims nails. They weren’t the best, but definitely good for a beginner. Tim told him that, not missing the small blush that appeared.

Tim was fully expecting the nail polish to be gone the next day, but to his surprise Jonny still had black nails during breakfast. Ashes saw them and commented: “Nice nails.”

Jonny froze for a second, then he replied: “Uh, thanks, Tim did them.”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to do mine alone, so I roped Jonny into it. Look!” Tim inserted himself into the conversation and showed off his nails as well.

They got some more complements and Jonny relaxed further. The nail polished stayed on until it was completely chipped away.

Up until then, Tim had acted alone in gently forcing Jonny to explore his more feminine side, but for his next part he needed help. So he went to Raphaella.

“Oh, hi Tim! What can I do for you?” she asked, removing her science goggles and setting aside her flame thrower.

“I was just wondering if something was true and since you’re our Science Officer, I thought you would be the best person to ask.” Tim told her, watching her light up at the word ‘science’.

“What is it? What is it?” she asked excitedly.

“Well, you know how some of these planets have these stupid gender rules?” Tim asked.

Raphaella nodded and he went on: “So, I was wondering how much truth there was to the heel thing, because it doesn’t seem that hard to walk on heels, but they’re out there pretending it’s only women who can do it, but I don’t know how to test that.”

Clapping her hands excitedly, she said: “Oh, I know how we can test that. It won’t be a big sample size, but Nastya and Ivy have never walked on heels, so we could pit them against two of the boys. Hm, Brian wouldn’t be a good fit and Marius has one heavier side, so it would be you and Jonny. Oh, this is going to be fun!”

“Nice, I knew I could count on you, Raph.” Tim said, “So, what do we need?”

Tapping her chin Raphaella listed: “Heels in the right sizes, all the same height too, a course to walk and, of course, willing participants.”

“I do the heels and course, you the participants?” Tim asked.

“Sounds good.” Raphaella answered.

Tim got the right parts for the course and the heels, you don’t want to know how he knew which sizes he needed, but he got them pretty easily. It was Raphaella, who was having trouble with her part.

“No, I’m not walking on fucking heels, because you’re some weirdo with some sort of shit experiment.” Jonny seethed.

“Please, Jonny.” Raphaella asked again, “Nastya, Ivy and Tim already agreed and Ashes has already put up a betting pool.”

“They did what?” Jonny shrieked.

“A betting pool. Most money is on you going flat on your face within five steps.” Raphaella told him, let it be known that Raphaella could be manipulative and she wasn’t afraid to use Jonny competitive streak against him.

“Oh that absolute asshole.” Jonny groused, “Fine, I’ll do it. Tell Ashes I want money on me being the best.”

Raphaella smiled cheerily, before skipping away with an: “I will!”

The next day their time had come. The four of the were standing at the starting line, Raphaella had a clipboard in her hands and the rest was cheering them on or trash-talking them.

It was a simple course, walk 20 feet, go down 6 steps then zigzag between four cones.

They hadn’t been allowed to practice and had to put on the heels right at the start. It was alright just standing, but Tim dreaded having to walk. Jonny was so going to owe him so hard after he told him how much he’d done for the guy.

Speaking of Jonny, he glanced over to him. Jonny had a determined look on his face, but his gaze also flicker down from time to time always softening as he admired the sleek black heels with a look of wonder and a small smile.

The signal was given and they were off.

Nastya faired pretty well, she’d been royalty and a certain amount of grace had been needed for that, Ivy on the other hand was struggling. She loved to be with her books, usually walking around barefoot so that she could feel it when she’d accidentally stepped on one.

Tim also wasn’t doing much better, his arms had turned into propellers as he wobbled and shook, he was almost certain he would not be surviving the stairs.

Next to him, Jonny was actually doing very well. No one knew that the First Mate would walk around on this tip toes, pretending to have heels on just to know what it would feel like and the force of knowing that doing good would piss Ashes off kept him walking with a straight back and minimal amounts of stumbling.

In the end both Tim and Ivy fell down the steps. Ivy broke her neck and was out of the race and Tims heel had broken off, so he’d hopped the last part.

Nastya and Jonny finished around the same time, both collapsing on the couch when they were done. Nastya immediately kicked off her heels, but Jonny kept them on, throwing his feet on the table to turn back and laugh at Tim.

Once everyone was alive and well. Raphaella came with the verdict: “It seems like gender rules around heels are baseless according to our findings here, of course, if we really wanted more concrete answers we would need to do a bigger experiment with more people, but we since we can’t really do that this will have to do.”

“Was that what this was about?” Ashes asked, “We all already knew that gender rules were stupid, no need to fucking test that.”

“It was more curiosity and personal amusement, although that didn’t really work in my favor.” Tim told them.

He got an eyeroll from them, but they seemed to find his answer acceptable. They instead turned to Jonny and asked: “Are they glued to your feet or something?”

Jonny cracked open and eyes and looked down, blushing when they saw the heels and quickly saying: “Oh, I totally forgot.”

He was about to pull them off, when Tim said: “I bet my caliber 14 laser rifle you can’t function an entire day in heels.”

His hands stilling, Jonny gave him a look and asked: “What if I loose?”

“If you loose I want the goggles you stole from Hermes, don’t lie and say you don’t have them.” Tim answered, demanding something with high enough stakes that Jonny wouldn’t call bluff, but not high enough he wouldn’t take it.

“Deal.” Jonny said, hands retreating.

“I bet he gives up after an hour.” Marius called out.

“Yeah, me too.” Nastya agreed.

“Hm, I think he can make it through the day.” Ivy mused and Brian agreed: “Yeah, I also believe he can do it.”

Ashes got up and grinned: “Wait, I’ll write the bets down.”

Tim rolled his eyes, nothing to get the crew moving than a few bets. It didn’t matter that most stuff was practically shared and that they never spend money, instead robbing stores if they wanted something.

After a while the excitement had died down and it was just Tim and Jonny together. Tim needed to keep an eye on Jonny to see if he didn’t cheat after all.

“You can’t just sit there and look at your feet the entire day, that’s also cheating.” Tim broke the silence.

Jonnys head snapped up from where he was admiring at the heels. He covered up the fact that he got startled when Tim had called him out, by crossing his arms and huffing: “That was never specified.”

“Yes, it was. You needed to function in heels and I know you’ve never just sat around for an entire day.” Tim said.

“Why do you even care so much?” Jonny asked.

“I want the goggles.” Tim said with a tone like Jonny was stupid.

Jonny frowned, but didn’t meet his eyes as he repeated: “No, I mean about all this. Why do you care so much?”

Had Tim been caught? Had Jonny realized? He decided to play dumb and asked: “I’m sorry, I don’t follow?”

“I mean about all this, about me doing all the, you know, girly stuff.” he whispered the last part as if he was afraid that if he said it louder the words would explode.

Okay, so he had caught on to what Tim was doing and Tim needed to make sure Jonny did hate him after all this. Fuck. He was never good at that sort of thing, he’d hoped Jonny would never find out until he was completely comfortable, but no such luck.

So he thought carefully about his answer, then replied: “It seemed like it was something you wanted, but you didn’t do, so I don’t know, I thought I would help, sorry.”

“No, no sorry, just why would you do that? Don’t you think that it’s weird?” Jonny asked him.

“No, I don’t think it’s weird.” Tim told him, “Why do you think it’s weird? It’s just clothes, no one here aboard cares if you want to wear something that makes you happy. You heard Ashes, gender rules are stupid.”

“Who said it made me happy.” Jonny pouted.

“You’re ignoring the question, Jonny. Besides, I have good vision, surprisingly enough, I see how you get when I convince you to do something more girly.” he used Jonnys word, thinking that feminine might not go over well.

Jonny moped for a bit and said: “I don’t think it’s weird.”

Tim sighed: “Jonny, you just asked me if I thought it was weird and something is obviously stopping you from doing it. If you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine, but you don’t get to lie and say that something isn’t stopping you.”

It was quiet for a few seconds after that, it seemed Jonny was building up the courage to tell Tim something, so Tim waited patiently until the other was ready. Taking a deep breath, Jonny said: “I saw Henry hanging, when I was little.”

“Who’s Henry?” Tim asked, confused and not expecting that answer.

“Just a guy in my town, tried to pay another guy to have sex with him, so they hung him on his own windmill. Threw away all the bread that was made with his flour too and left him hanging there until he fell.” Jonny told him, “I saw him. I think I was ‘round twelve.”

Tim suddenly remembered how scared Jonny had been to admit he liked guys, how they even thought he might be straight at one point, because he had hidden it so well. It was crazy to see how much he’d grown since then.

“That must’ve been terrible.” Tim replied, unsure how else to react.

Jonny shrugged: “Wasn’t the first body, but it did leave an expression. I think what was shittier was how my dad talked about him afterwards, you know.”

“I can see how something like that would stop you from ever trying something that wasn’t considered safe,” Tim told him, choosing his words as carefully as he’d chosen his steps I a minefield “but we all aren’t your father, Jonny. The Aurora is not New Texas. You don’t have to hide here, if you want to walk around in high heels and a skirt with bright red lips and corset then you do that.”

“Everyone will think it’s weird if I suddenly did that. They’ll think it’s a joke and laugh at me.” Jonny was close to tears at this point.

“No, they won’t. I’ll make sure of that.” Tim said, putting a arm around Jonnys shoulders in a comforting manner, allowing the First Mate to lean into him.

“Why are you so nice about this? To me?” Jonny mumbled.

Tim let out a breath and decided that Jonny deserved some honesty in return. So he said: “I loved Bertie, you know, never told him that, but I loved them. When he died, and then I died, I regretted it, but I’ve gotten a new chance at life. I promised myself to never miss an opportunity again, you also deserve to do the things you never dared when you were mortal, Jonny.”

“I’m sorry about Bertie.” Jonny told him.

“It’s alright, I made peace with it, well, sort of.” Tim replied.

After that they fell quiet for a few minutes, just sitting with their sides pressed together. Jonny broke it: “You really think they won’t laugh?”

“Of course not. No one laughs at Ashes either, do they?” Tim said.

“That’s different, they fall in between, I’m still a man. They probably think I’m making fun of them and kill me for it, I would deserve it too.” Jonny retorted.

“It is different, but that doesn’t mean what you’re doing is bad. Everyone expresses themselves in different ways, I do it with painting my nails and braiding my hair or with my goggles and you do it your own way.” Tim said.

“I’ll think about it.” Jonny finally decided.

It was the best Tim could hope for. It was also clear that Jonny wanted the conversation about this to end, so Tim nodded: “Alright, now get up and help me sort the armory.”

“Why?” Jonny asked.

“You need to function on those bad boys and I want those goggles really bad, so walking it is.” Tim replied with a grin, “Chop, chop, we don’t have all day.”

Jonny rolled his eyes, but he seemed better as he pushed himself off the couch and slowly followed after Tim.

By the time the day was over, Jonny was richer and the proud owner of a caliber 14 laser rifle. He also was pretty good in walking on heels, although his feet hurt like a bitch and he complained about it the entire night.

After his conversation with Jonny, Tim tried not to push him any further. He had done his part and now it was up to Jonny to see what he would do with the things Tim had told him.

He still kept a close eye on the First Mate and was glad to see that Jonny still wore the jewelry and the belt, he also noted that his eyeliner had become a bit more elegant.

A few weeks, later Jonny also shyly asked Tim to paint his nails again, so Tim didn’t worry about Jonny spiraling into the wrong direction.

The heels didn’t come back though, but when Tim left his ones by Raphaella in the lab, he saw that one pair was missing.

They had been planetside a few times after that when Tim noticed something one day.

Jonny didn’t have a terrible posture, but he never stood up that straight, his belt was also a bit tighter, so Tim said: “There is something different about you today, can’t pinpoint it.”

His eyes widened and he blushed. He quickly looked around to see if anyone else was there, before he lifted his shirt and showed Tim the corset underneath. He said: “It’s just for me, I just wanted to know what it was like.”

Tim smiled and said: “Well, you look great.”

“Thank you.” Jonny returned the smile.

“Wanna race to the kitchen? I heard Marius was baking today. Loser gets shot, winner dibs?” Tim asked.

“Sure.” and Jonny was already sprinting, a bit more out of breath at the end, but otherwise just business as usual.

It didn’t happen every day and it wasn’t all that noticeable, but Tim could see when Jonny would be wearing the corset. He also got a few more flow-y white blouses and boots with a thicker heel than he normally had.

Months went by like that until one night Tim got awoken by a knock on his door. Grumpily he opened and squinted against the light with a harsh: “What?”

“Uh, sorry, I forgotten how early it was.” came Jonnys voice.

“Is there a reason for waking me?” Tim asked, still waking up, but a bit less grumpy with Jonny there.

“I need you to help me.” Jonny told him.

“Help you with what, Jonny? I don’t have the brainpower for your dancing around what you want me to do.” Tim rubbed his eyes.

Jonny dawdled for a second, then he softly said: “I wanna wear this outfit, but I don’t want anyone to laugh at me, but I also don’t wanna talk to them about it and I hoped you might help, but if you don’t that’s okay, sorry for waking you. That was dumb, sorry. I hadn’t thought about it and now it’s too-”

“Jonny, shut up.” Tim recognized the anxious rambling from when Jonny had come out to them and ended it as soon as possible, “I’ll help.”

“Uh, oh, thank you.” Jonny stammered.

“No, problem, now go back to bed.” Tim said, closing the door again.

He made sure to be up before Jonny and went to the common area near the kitchen. Everyone except Jonny was already there, which was good, so he cleared his throat and said: “People, quick little thing.”

“What is it, Tim?” Ivy asked.

“Jonny is going to come in with an outfit that you’re maybe not used to and everyone is going to be nice about, okay. I know you all like to tease, but not today.” he gave them all an intent looks until he was sure that all would listen.

“Of course.” Brian said.

“How is it differently then?” Ashes asked, “I’m not going to do anything, just curious.”

“Haven’t seen it, he just asked me to tell you.” Tim shrugged.

“Why you?” Nastya asked.

“Me and Jonny are friends.” Tim pouted, a bit offended at the suggestion that they weren’t, “We talk.”

Then the door creaked open and Jonny poked his head around the corner, before walking in. He had his black leather boots with the small heel on, a pair of tighter gray-brown pants that pleated out at the top, tucked in the pants was a papyrus colored corset, one of his white flow-y blouses coming from the top. He also had a few golden bracelets around his wrist, dangle-y earrings and two belts hung loosely around his hips.

He looked at the floor for a second, before he met their eyes and softly waved a: “Hi.”

Tim smiled and said: “Look at you! You look great, Jonny.”

The others realized what Jonny had been so afraid off and all fell over themselves to tell Jonny how much they liked his outfit and how well it suited him.

Slowly Jonny lost the tension and bashfulness he’d showed up with and by the end of breakfast he was roughhousing and yelling like normal and he’d already shot Ashes for finding out they’d cheated during their card game yesterday, like he hadn’t had a stack of cards up his sleeve the entire time as well.

They were about to bring away the dishes, when Jonny coughed and in an uncharacteristically vulnerable voice he said: “Uhm, thank you for not being assholes about it.”

“Why would we be, Jonny?” Brian asked, “It’s just clothes and you look good, comfortable. We wouldn’t be assholes about it.”

Jonny looked helplessly at Tim, who nodded and explained: “New Texas was a shit place, definitely not the best planet to grow up on if you’re someone like Jonny, or any of us for that matter.”

Understanding came over the others as they nodded with sympathetic expressions. Ashes slung an arm over Jonnys shoulders and said: “Well, fuck them anyway. You’re better than that.”

Grinning at them, Jonny agreed with a cheer: “Fuck yeah.”

Over the course of the next few weeks Jonnys outfits became more feminine. He still wore other stuff from time to time, but he seemed happier in the new outfits he wore, less like something was weighing on him. No one had seen the invisible weight until it was gone.

When they landed on a planet, Ashes loaded a gun and told Jonny: “We’re robbing some clothing stores, grab Tim since you’re so attached to him and come along.”

“What?” Jonny asked.

“We’re getting you more nice clothes, come on.” Ashes repeated, then they called out: “Tim!”

Tim poked his head around the corner: “What?”

“We’re robbing stores for nice clothes for Jonny, wanna come?” Ashes asked him.

“Heck yeah.” Tim yelled, running to join them.

“You don’t- I don’t- it’s not-” Jonny was stammering.

“Don’t be daft, Jonny.” Ashes told him, “You look nice and happy, you deserve more of those clothes. I know some of them got ruined with the blood and the bullet holes, so you need more. We’re getting them, no complaining.”

“Why are you doing this for me?” Jonny was utterly confused.

Ashes gave him a smile and said: “I know how nice it is to have clothes that make you happy inside, now come.”

With that Jonny shut up and let them and Tim drag him along to the giant shopping center the planet had.

At first Jonny was hesitant about grabbing stuff. His eyes lingered on delicate necklaces, some socks with bows and even a dark blue skirt with a copper cog pattern on it, but he didn’t dare to touch them. So Ashes just ripped them of the rack and sternly stated: “You better start grabbing things, d’Ville.”

And so Jonny did, he started taking things from the racks. He got fishnets, heels, dresses, skirts, a few pants, dungarees, jewelry, makeup and hairpieces.

He still had a blush on his face throughout the whole thing and he didn’t make eye contact with Ashes or Tim, instead wordlessly handing them the clothes, but at least he was taking stuff he wanted.

It was all going well until Jonny stilled in front of a display and gaped at the feather fans, boas and hip pieces.

He swallowed heavily and stared, not noticing how Ashes and Tim gave him questioning looks and tried to get his attention. After a while of ignoring them, Tim put his hand on Jonnys shoulder and asked: “Jonny?”

Jonny snapped his head around and mumbled: “What? Oh, uh, nothing. I’m fine.”

His eyes drifted back to the display, ignoring Tim once more. So Tim spoke up again: “Want to get the feathers?”

“Oh, no, it’ll be impractical and they’ll get ruined and, you know, it’s stupid. Feathers don’t really fit with the whole aesthetic we got going on either, no matter how pretty they are.” he tapered off at the end, voice getting dreamy.

“We can make feathers steampunk.” Ashes told him.

Jonny bit his lip and looked at the display once more. If he had been hesitant about everything else, that couldn’t match up with how he was hesitating now. He shook his head softly and murmured to himself: “It wouldn’t be the same.”

“Why wouldn’t it be the same?” Tim asked.

Startling a bit, Jonny said: “Oh, it’s weird and doesn’t matter. Never mind.”

“We’ve been over this before, Jonny, spit it out.” Tim pushed him fondly.

“It’s just, this going to sound weird, but back home, back on New Texas, Jack he had- Well, you see he had these show girls in the casino.” Jonnys cheeks were burning as he explained, “They danced with feathers and all dolled up and stuff. I always- I, uh, I always wondered what it would be like to- to, you know, to be one of them.”

His voice was barely a whisper at the end and he buried his face in his hands as he whined: “See, it’s weird and embarrassing.”

Ashes lit up and said: “Jonny, we’re making you the prettiest show girl there is.”

“What?” Jonny squeaked.

“Oh, come on, this is what it’s been building up to, isn’t it.” Ashes said, “It’ll be fun, besides I have nothing against you walking around looking like a hot show girl, it’ll be just as good for me as it is for you.”

“I agree, I think it would be amazing to see you walk around like a cute show girl.” Tim agreed.

It looked like Jonnys head was going to explode from the heat on Jonnys cheeks as he scream-whispered: “You can’t just say stuff like that.”

“Why not? It’s true.” Ashes said nonchalantly, “Now, go pick out some show girl outfits.”

They pushed him into the store and Jonny didn’t fight. This was it, a dream he’d had since he was fifteen. He walked through the store like it was holy ground and he touched all the pieces with reverence.

Tim and Ashes made themselves comfortable on the couch, setting down the enormous amounts of bags they had acquired throughout the day.

They didn’t get to see the outfits Jonny tried out, but he returned an hour later with five more bags and a small smile on his face. He said: “I think I have enough clothes now.”

Returning the smile, Tim said: “That’s nice, wanna go back?”

Jonny nodded and took some of the bags from them. The way back to the Aurora was silent, but comfortable. They took the bags to Jonny room, but before they could leave Jonny stopped them and said: “Uh, thank you, this means a lot.”

“No problem, Jonny.” Tim told him.

“Nah, did it with love.” Ashes winked.

Throughout time they saw more and more pieces they’d helped Jonny pick out and he looked very happy with his new stuff, and after the others had realized how he’d gotten the new outfits and accessories, they also started to leave little gifts for him, making him smile and blush every time he opened them.

Overall he still acted the same, except now he just kicked Marius in the nuts with a twirl of his skirt instead the swoosh of his vest, but they never saw the show girl pieces.

Not that they were going to ask about them either, from what Jonny had said it was clear the outfits were personal, but that didn’t stop them from talking about them.

“I just wonder what he looks like, you know.” Tim slurred, one night when it was just the two of them, draped over the couch with too much alcohol in their systems.

“You’re right, he’d probably have heels and like, ugh, legs.” Ashes tried to get their point across.

Tim understood them perfectly: “Yes! Legs. Oh, and waist. Yeahh.”

Ashes groaned: “We’re so fucked for the dude, aren’t we.”

“Yeah, we are.” Tim slid further down dramatically, “At least he’s pretty. And I think most of the crew is fucked at this point as well. Especially Brian and Marius.”

Agreeing Ashes took another swig, then they toasted: “To Jonnys legs and waist.”

Tim grinned and raised his bottle as well and echoed: “To Jonnys legs and waist.”

Unbeknown to them, it wasn’t just the two of them at all. Jonny had been on his way to join them again, finding that he couldn’t sleep, so drinking was a better option. He had stilled just outside the door to listen when he had heard the conversation.

After the toast the two fell asleep on the couch and Jonny backed away. His head was spinning with the blood that had rushed to it and the information that swirled around in his brain.

He’d put on some of the outfits before, a few times already, just in his bedroom. He’d looked at himself in front of the mirror inspecting every angle with a happy bubble floating in his chest. He liked looking like that, he liked feeling pretty, but the fear of looking stupid or being laughed at or killed had stopped him.

It didn’t matter that the others hadn’t killed him or laughed at him before for his outfits and told him it was okay, this was so much further than those things and he didn’t think he could emotionally survive it if they decided that it was too weird.

But now here were Ashes and Tim, toasting to the idea in that outfit. They liked it, despite the fact that they’d never seen it. That did funny things to him.

He didn’t fall asleep that night, instead he laid in his bed and replayed the conversation over and over in his head until he had analyzed it in a 100 different ways. He wanted advise about it, but the only people he trusted for advise about all this were Ashes and Tim, so he just tossed and turned instead.

The conversation he’d overheard played heavy on his mind the next day and it seemed the others picked up on it, because Tim cornered him and asked: “Hey, Jonny, are you okay? You look like something’s bothering you.”

On one hand Jonny didn’t want to admit what he had heard, but on the other he desperately wanted to know what they had meant with it all and what he was supposed to do with it.

He bit his lip then said: “I, uhm, I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t sleep and I knew you and Ashes were still awake, so I thought I’d come back, but then I heard you talking and it, uh, it was about me so I, I listened.”

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry, Jonny.” Tim said mortified, “We didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable at all. Sorry that you had to hear that. God that’s so embarrassing, sorry, really.”

“It’s okay, I just don’t get it.” Jonny replied.

“What?” Tim said.

“I don’t get it.” Jonny repeated.

“What don’t you get, Jonny, I’m still not a mindreader.” Tim told him gently.

Jonny bunched the fabric of his skirt, the dark blue one with the copper cog design, as a nervous habit and confessed: “Why you like the idea so much. For me it’s about liking myself and feeling pretty like the show girls, but I’m not them and I look dumb in it, honestly, so why would you two like it so much?”

“Did you ever think about the fact that we might think you look pretty in the clothes, Jonny?” Tim asked him.

“But I’m not pretty, I know I’m not.” Jonny exploded a bit, “I’m short and stocky with wild hair that never sits the way I want it, I’m a maniac and you can see that in my eyes. That’s not pretty, Tim, don’t tell me that it is.”

“Oh, Jonny.” Tim sighed and pulled him into a hug.

He kissed the top of Jonnys head and said: “Me and Ashes seem to disagree with you. We think you’re very pretty. You never see how lively you look when you’re beating Raphaella to a pulp after she’s pissed you off or how excited you get when someone gets you a little gift. You look very pretty then, there’s a reason the crew keeps giving you them.”

“But they don’t me-”

“Shush, Jonny, let me talk.” Tim ignored the interruption, “You can’t see everything in a mirror, dear. You’re very pretty, especially when you’re happy or violent. I loathe to think, you dislike yourself. We like the idea of you in those clothes, because to us you’re very pretty, beautiful even, and we think those clothes would accentuate that beauty even more.”

Jonny was quiet. He stood there in Tims arms and let the words wash over them. He’d never thought of himself as pretty or beautiful, the clothes made him feel like that, but there was always a voice in his head that told him it wasn’t true.

He swallowed thickly as he tried to get his emotions under control. He didn’t succeed only managing: “You called me dear.”

Like he was burned Tim let go and apologized again: “Sorry, Jonny, sorry, I let it slip out that was uncalled for.”

Jonny blushed and said: “I liked it.”

“You did?” Tim asked, not believing his ears.

“Uh, yeah, it’s nice?” Jonny replied uncertain.

“Oh, can I- can I keep doing it?”

“Please.”

Tim smiled and said: “Well, then, dear, I just want to say you’re very pretty, beautiful, just absolutely gorgeous and if you want to you can wear those pretty clothes and feel pretty, but you don’t have to, I just want to tell you that none of us would mind.”

“They’re a bit extravagant and impractical.” Jonny argued, unable to handle the complement and therefore ignoring it.

“Well, I’m sure that your task around this ship is nothing more than sit and look pretty, which you are very successful at.” Tim teased with a smirk.

Jonny spluttered a bit not able to come up with a good reply.

“Just think about, okay. Just like last time. I’ll be here.” Tim assured him gently.

Still not in control enough to speak Jonny nodded and hugged him again, giving him a small peck on the cheek, before hurrying down the hall, the click of his heels echoing behind him.

Once he’d disappeared Tim slid down the wall and touched his cheek, then he softly, but passionately whispered to himself: “Fuck.”

Before getting up to find Ashes, because they needed to know what had happened. He needed to be able to tell someone and he couldn't think of anyone better to vent to about this particular subject than Ashes.

Except maybe Brian and Marius, he knew those two were staring at Jonny and not all that subtly if he might add, but he and Ashes were the only ones that knew about the show girl outfits and it would feel like a break of trust towards Jonny to tell someone else.

After he’d told Ashes everything they decided that it was completely unacceptable that Jonny didn’t think he was pretty, so they decided to dial up the complements, leaving Jonny flustered. They also gave him the nickname darlin’.

With Tim and Ashes both calling Jonny a pet name of sorts the two others had decided that it was now law. So, Brian called him sweetheart and Marius addressed him as princess. Only The Toy Solider and the wlw aboard the Aurora referred to Jonny by his name.

At first Jonny had squeaked and hid when he was spoken to with a pet name, but now he only flushed a bright red.

It was during dinner when Jonny, with too much nonchalance to be normal, asked: “Is there anything unusual happening tomorrow?”

“Not as far as I’m aware, princess.” Marius said, “How so?”

“Oh, uh, nothing in particular, I wanted to wear this outfit, but it’s a bit impractical, so if there was going to be a lot of action I’m not going to put it on.” Jonny tried a laid back tone, but the thrumming nervousness was still clear.

Tim and Ashes visibly perked up at his confession and Jonny moped: “Okay, calm down. You caught me, I wanna wear one of the outfits, you happy?”

“What outfits, sweetheart?” Brian asked, very interested.

Jonny then realized that only Tim and Ashes knew what he had meant and that he was now going to have to explain it to everyone there what he had been referencing. He gestured vaguely and mumbled: “Oh, you know, uhm, an outfit with, uhm, feathers ‘n stuff...”

He trailed off at the end and ducked into himself, Tim made a questioning noise and Jonny gave him a nod, so Tim said: “Jonny has a very pretty outfit that Ashes and I haven’t seen either. It’s like a show girl. They used to have them back on New Texas, it’s where all this started.”

As red as a cherry, Jonny nodded and mumbled: “It’s just stupid, but it’s fun? It’s not special or anything.”

“Of course it’s special, darlin’.” Ashes exclaimed, “And it’s not stupid, you’re going to look gorgeous in it and if I’m honest I will be looking forward to tomorrow if that’s in store.”

“Ahw, princess, it’ll be nice, getting all dolled up for us.” Marius smiled.

“But it’s so extra. You know what I’m not doing it, it’ll be dumb, serves no purpose. It’ll be weird.” Jonny was already back paddling.

“Dear, no.” Tim said, “It doesn’t have to serve a purpose, do you think I need these goggles for my job? Or Brian and Marius those hats? Or The Toy Soldier that uniform? Of course not. It’s all extra things that make us happy. You wear that outfit if you want to.”

“Alright.” Jonny gave in, making them all smile, “But now it’s blown out of proportion, it’s really not that special.”

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” Brian told him.

The rest of the dinner passed quietly, Jonny hightailing out of there as soon as he was done, not meeting anyones eyes. When he was gone Nastya groaned: “You’re all being disgusting, you know that right?”

“Like you and Aurora didn’t annoy us for centuries.” Tim rolled his eyes.

“I think it’s cute.” Raphaella smiled, “Jonny seems happy, don’t you agree, Nastya?”

Nastya was silent for a beat, then she threw her hands up and said: “Fine, I guess, he is and that’s good. He deserves it after everything, but that doesn’t mean I want it rubbed in my face, he’s like my brother and it’s weird.”

“I recall one time you told him, you quote ‘fuck the ship’, so I think he’s earned a bit of retribution.” Ivy reminded her.

“Yeah, yeah, alright.” Nastya dropped the subject.

After that they all went their separate ways as they thought of what tomorrow would bring, hopefully Jonny confidant in a show girl outfit, but who’s to say. If he backed out, he would and they couldn’t fault him for that.

The next morning, Jonny was standing in front of the mirror inspecting himself. He’d put on his favourite of the outfits, even some makeup to match, but he wasn’t sure.

Yes, the others had liked the idea, but what id he couldn’t live up to it? Or what if they had the wrong idea and when they saw him they would laugh at him? He could still back out, but that would disappoint them and he didn’t want to do that either.

He sighed and twirled again.

In the end it was the Aurora, who made the decision for him. A panel appeared with the message: The others are getting worried, if you’re not there in ten minutes I am 99% sure they’re going to look for you.

Ten minutes, that wasn’t enough time to get this all off and the last thing he wanted was for them to find him half dressed as he hurried to get undressed. He just had to take the plunge and hope they really did like it.

Tim had barely stood up to look for Jonny, when the sound of heels clicking at a fast pace called their attention to the door. A bit winded Jonny stopped in the doorway and breathed heavily as he apologized: “Sorry, lost the time.”

Four mouths hung agape as they stared at their First Mate.

The corset was a light pink that was dripping in pink rhinestones and lace. It was pulled tight to make his waist a few inches thinner. The hip pieces were a combination of feathers in the same pink and white, accentuating the hourglass figure the corset was giving him.

Underneath, he wore sheer white stockings with white lace on top and matching pink heels.

Around his fingers he had a few silver rings and rings with pearls. He also wore velvet pink gloves that went up to his elbow and he had a huge fan made from white feathers in his right hand.

To top it all off, he had put on a light shiny eyeshadow that sparkled along with pink lipstick and sharp eyeliner. On his head rested a silver headpiece, which also had pearls to make it all complete.

Once he noticed them all staring, he realized what outfit he was wearing and promptly hid his face behind the fan.

With the movement Tim came back online and he said with wonder: “Fuck, how are you so unbelievably pretty, dear.”

Jonny peaked out from behind the fan and slowly made his way over to the seat under the scrutiny of everyone else.

Since the others were still processing and Jonny was clearly still a bit uncomfortable with the lack of reaction from most, Nastya sighed and said: “I have to admit, Jonny, I didn’t think you could clean up so well.”

The complement wasn’t as laden with affection nor filled with words his mind couldn’t wrap around, so Jonny shot her a smile and did a little bow as he said: “Thank you, I tried.”

That got the others to function as well and they all told Jonny how nice and pretty he looked. Nastya rolled her eyes at the mushiness, but she couldn't be mad at them for making that smile appear on Jonnys face, not really.

After breakfast Ivy left on her own, while Nastya guided Raphaella and The Toy Soldier away to give the five of them some privacy.

Brian had meanwhile walked up to Jonny and offered a hand. He asked: “Can I have a dance, sweetheart?”

Jonny had never been more grateful for the fan, it really was perfect to hide his blush behind as he accepted the hand and allowed Brian to twirl him around.

He made him spin till their arms were stretched and then Jonny was taken over by Tim, who dipped him before swaying him from side to side, holding him so that he could hide his face in the crook on his neck.

He was then offered to Marius, who made him dance to a faster silent tune, putting his hands on his waist as they spun around the room with quick steps. Marius ended their little dance by picking him up and depositing him in Ashes arms.

Ashes held him for a second, before they carefully set him down on his feet and pulled him into a proper waltz. Jonny couldn't for the life think of where they would’ve picked that up, but this was Ashes and Ashes was full off surprises so he just let it be a delightful surprise.

After the impromptu dance session he was settled on the couch, smile high on his cheeks. They all settled down around him and with a happy sigh he stated: “I don’t know why you’re all so nice to me, but thank you.”

“Because we like you, dear.” Tim informed him.

With wide eyes Jonny looked as they all nodded with a smile. He then frowned and asked: “Really? All of you?”

“We tried to make it obvious, darlin’.” Ashes told him.

Apologetically Brian added: “We didn’t mean to spring it on you like this, sweetheart, and we want to assure you that it is completely fine if you don’t like us back.”

“Oh, no, I do, I just-” Jonny squirmed in his seat, before the word dam broke: “It would be cheating or something wouldn't it? I mean, it’s selfish and weird if I love all of you and I don’t want to make you feel bad or pick one of you or something, you’re all too nice for that and, oh, what would the others say or maybe I’m not- I’m not what you all assume and then you want to leave me or-”

“Dear.” Tim tried to cut him of, “Dear, stop, please. For us?”

Jonny stopped and gasped for air, fiddling with the fan as he vibrated in his seat with anxiety.

“It’s not selfish or weird.” Tim told him, “You just have a big heart, dear, and that just makes us love you more, okay. We’re also not going to make you pick, we don’t mind sharing, really, if you’re willing to love all of us, we would only be honored.”

“And Nastya already gave us as much of a blessing we’re going to get out of her.” Ashes said, “So don’t go breaking your pretty little head about that, darlin’.”

“You don’t have to give us an answer now, princess, take your time.” Marius assured him when Jonny stayed silent for a few moments.

“No, it’s- just processing.” Jonny said with a chocked off voice.

“Would it help if we hugged you?” Tim asked.

The nod Jonny gave was small, you would’ve missed it, if you weren’t paying attention. Luckily they all were paying very close attention, so they quickly gathered him up in their arms, until Jonny was sideways in Ashes lap with his feet thrown over Marius lap, while Tim hugged him from behind and Brian from the side.

They sat like that for a while, until Jonny broke the silence: “I, I do really love you all and I’d be, I’d be honored to call you all my partners, but I’m no good at that and I can’t promise you that I can be what you want me to be.”

“We just want you to be you, sweetheart.” Brian petted his hair softly.

“Yes, you say that now, but…” Jonny replied.

“And we’ll see how it goes, we just need to talk a bit together and see where everyone stands.” Marius said, “But we’ll figure it out. You won’t disappoint us, trust us.”

“But we can talk about all that later.” Ashes lifted the quiet, serious mood, “Because we really haven’t talked enough about how breathtakingly beautiful you look today, darlin’.”

With the temporary breather, everyone relaxed as they again lavished Jonny in complements and praises, this time also softly giving him pecks and hugging him close while they praised him. Until Jonny was flushed entirely red and beaming with pride, practically emitting a happy glow.

He was happy, they were happy and they had an eternity to be happy together.

New Texas was not a lot of things, but it was a shit place to grow up in if you’re someone as special and beautiful as Jonny d’Ville. However, if you managed to take the New Texas out of the boy, you were left with someone amazing.

~~~~~~~~~~

I know I normally only do A/Ns with AO3, but I thought these were too important for that: 

All sexualities and stuff are headcanons, not a reflection of the band members or the characters if they see it differently.

Also, aroace people are queer and 100% valid and I will fight whoever says differently, (just in case that wasn’t clear, I love you all, be proud!)

Clothes are for every gender, fuck anyone who tells you otherwise, you can come to me and I will make sure their kneecaps are gone if they harass you.

In my mind this was just Jonnys gender expression/presentation not identity. For me, he wanted to be part of that world of glamor and attention, so here he still identifies as male with he/him pronouns, but if you want to think this is pre-exploration that will make him later realize he’s trans or non binary or any other gender, feel free! It’s up to your interpretation!

Although most the polycule ID’s as gay that does not mean Ashes isn’t the proud enby that they are, exceptions can be made and if the person is alright with their partner ID’ing as gay despite being with them then that’s their choice, as long as communication is there. It depends on the situation.

I didn’t really include the discussion of boundaries between them, because I am not in that sort of relationship, so I don’t think I would be able to write it down properly and I wouldn’t want to do the beautiful poly community a disservice :D

[bellamyblake]

this maybe really selfish but I really love the way you write especially when it comes to bellamy and I'm always craving for more of your fics. so if you could share what new fic you've been writing?? what it's about? mayhaps?? I'd be so so happy

Aww, that is not selfish! It’s very sweet actually. I still after all these years I’ve been writing, can’t believe that someone enjoys my writing. But I do love writing Bellamy the most as well, especially hurt!bell. 

Well I won’t post it cause I’m sure it won’t be of any interest to anyone plus I’ve written kind of extreme whumpy fics that I’ve posted before and it’ll probably just be repetitive. I’m kind of writing it for my own enjoyment and entertainment.

It’s more of a family fic about Kane and Bellamy + Bellarke on the side. Bellamy and Kane are ex-soldiers, veterans. Kane has been a family friend of the Blakes since he was a child himself-he and Aurora were neighbours and they almost had a thing going but they were mostly good friends. She was a great student but with time she got in with the wrong crowd and got pregnant with Bellamy at eighteen. Her mom kicked her out of the house and Kane promised to take care of her and the baby, welcomed her in his home. But he had his dreams of joining the Army and when his mom got sick he decided he has to because he had no money to pay for her health care. So he had to leave and meanwhile Aurora’s mom died, she moved back into her homeplace and had Bellamy. 

Kane was very attached to the kid and even sent them some money whenever he could but when he came back home from his first tour, he found Aurora had kind of went back to her bad path with the alcohol, the drugs and the bad men. He tried to talk to her, wanted to help her but she kind of kicked him off.

And then on and off they connected, he watched Bellamy grow and then Aurora had Octavia from a random man and practically left Bellamy in charge of her while she kept working as a waitress and buying herself drugs and alcohol and finding shitty boyfriends. 

Kane would hang with Bellamy and Octavia every time he was home, he’d feed them, because Bellamy especailly was very malnourished from taking care of his sister and giving it all to her. He’d take them places and try to make things a little better. Then as they grew he got Bellamy his first job (at 13) and on and off like this. Bellamy suffered a lot of abuse from Aurora’s boyfriends. 

And then when Bellamy was sixteen, Aurora died and Bellamy and Octavia who was ten at the time, were taken away. Bellamy was too old to be adopted and ended up in a group home kind of place but O was young and a family in another state down south (Indra, Gaia and Indra’s husband) wanted to adopt her.

By that time Kane had decided to retire having done four tours but deciding to still do military stuff like teaching cadets so he came home and Bellamy had decided to get himself emancipated and let Octavia be adopted because he belived that he couldn’t possibly give her a good future no matter how hard he tries. That and he also after looking up to Kane all these years, wanted to join the Army. 

So Octavia got adopted (and felt betrayed) and Kane took Bellamy to his house after he emancipated himself so he could help him graduate school and join in. He did, they obviously formed a special bond that was already there but it solidified with time. Bellamy joined and then he did three tours before his team up was blown up in battle and he was the only one that somehow miraculously survived.

He came home but he was practically in pieces and at first they told Kane that they’re not sure he’ll make it at all but that even if he does with the extends of his injuries he won’t live longer than five or so years. He had lots of shrapnel in his back and leg, many surgeries, lost hearing and sight to one side that left him half blind and half deaf, could barely move, his heart was fucked up all of it. 

And the story starts with Kane and Bellamy at THIS point. Kane however refuses to accept that his kid can ever die and he wants to help Bell who’s sad and depressed and also recently and here a TRIGGER WARNING tried to kms. 

But kane takes him to Clarke who he’s heard is a great physio therapist, like the best in the state and begs her to take them in her busy schedule.

She does and from there on it all kind of ensues but it’s still a family story more than a bellarke story, like it’s mostly Kane and Bell. And lots of hurt! Bellamy.

And Lincoln is also one of the nurses at the hospital and Kane and Bellamy both figure out that his fiance is actually Octavia who hasn’t shared anything about her past and now I’m kind of at that point where they see each other again after so many years.

So yeah.

Practically, that’s it LOL