#frustrates me to hell and back
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no more birthdays - sophie may
[canary continuity]
#rottmnt#canary continuity#q art#rottmnt leo#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt disaster twins#was ultimately a test of the csp camera tool. decided this: Hell#i probably would have gone back and fixed some of the bits that frustrated me#but oh my god you have no idea how much i suffered to even export this#NOT doing that again#same with some of the timing issues. i'll deal you'll deal#we'll all suffer together#sorry that some parts are scratchy btw i lost juice
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stupid fucking bastard. i am not coping with the leaks
#dead leaf for leafpool and gull feathers for feathertail#like yeah it's funny that cherith does whatever the hell she wants as soon as she's in the driver's seat#but it's also baffling and frustrating that she wanted this in the first place#crowfeather or at least the version of him in my head is a fun and interesting character because he's shitty#in the newer books there's been a weird attitude toward him where the other characters think he's irritable but also noble and attractive#also tawnypelt is such a nothing character it's upsetting that all she's ever been is an accessory to the men around her#her father her brother her mate her son her grandson(s)#and her pov is no longer merely boring but actually insufferable thanks to her poorly handled “kids these days” plots#if it were up to me#the new prophecy would focus more on tawnypelt feeling out of place in shadowclan and struggling to prove her loyalty#contrasting brambleclaw who is generally accepted in thunderclan but victimizes himself due to his insecurity#i would also explore how tawnypelt and rowanclaw get together since he hates her in one scene and then they're lovey dovey in the next#although this does seem to be the basis of many warriors relationships#i'm not sure how i feel about tawnypelt getting a second mate as an elder but i don't want to begrudge old people finding love again#so i'm fine with it as long as it's not crowfeather#as for crowfeather#he would fall hard and fast for feathertail because she's pretty and shows him kindness but i want it to be one-sided#then he would fall hard and fast for leafpool for the same reasons#she runs away with him not because she loves him but because clan society is suffocating and she needs an escape#so when they get back to the clans she moves on pretty quickly but he lives a long and miserable life pining after her#his clanmates quietly avoid him because they don't like him that much because why would they and so he never becomes deputy#i can see him trying to reconnect with breezepelt and nightcloud as an elder#not necessarily because he realizes how shitty he is but because he wants a relationship with his granddaughters but it's strained#and then he dies! i'm tired of writing and being frustrated by these stupid books so i'm ending it here#crowfeather#warrior cats#eel art#eel talk
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“I told you, a very long time ago, that I would destroy this place, everything you hold dear, and I’m going to follow through on that promise,” Hels breathed in, “Because a knight never says something he doesn’t believe to be true."
Hey. You. Yeah you. Come here. Closer. Closer. Go read Like A House On Fire by @hiding-under-the-willow
#spazzcat doodles#helsknight#welsknight#fanfic propaganda#hiding-under-the-willow#If this looks weird as hell its because my brother in law is a saint and gave me his old screen tablet#never used one of these things before#its weird as hell to work with#i keep flipping between my laptop [shortcut keys] and the tablet to do things#was really tempted to switch back to my old bamboo tablet just for the quickness and familiarity#endless frustration at learning new tech aside: i love this fic go read it#go see what the drama is about#my art doesn't do it justice but give me a couple months to adjust and we'll... revisit this maybe
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Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?
Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍
Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂↕️
#was so tempted to put 'sometimes 'love' is just autistic obsession' as an answer bc on god#i do think that's a factor for me. like. espppppp in moe's case. moe is just Obsessed w alfonse.#extremely weird about him constantly studying him. like. it does feel like love... the intensity of it..... but.#both me and moe. most romance repulsed motherfuckers out there.#like. like. not to get too personal but the one relationship i did have. i genuinely felt i loved him#but i also think. so much of it was me reflecting what i Think love was 'supposed' to look like.#most importantly he was my best friend (at the time). and i def did feel differently about him than i did anyone else/even other friends#which is why i'm so conflicted... like half i did genuinely love him half i've never been able to love correctly#and it's always taken some level of putting on a performance according to what i see to 'perform' love#like. like. am i just autistic. does it just come down to the autism again.#but also esp nowadays like. back on my bullshit. i actually ALWAYS hesitate to call whatever moe has w alfonse 'romantic'#like. i think he does feel/experience romantic feelings. but moe is just so dysfunctional and messy#that like. i don't think it would call anything it feels about alfonse romance.#but it still completely adores him. in a way that's distinct from how it loves sharena and how it feels about anyone else.#even charas it admires. somehow. which honestly jusy leads me back to The Obsession again#also extremely focal is how the demisexuality kicks in. like. it's definitely not devoid of sexuality.#IDK IDK I'M TALKING TOO MUCH I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH AND I'M SO TIRED. I'VE BEEN SO TIRED#i'm not in my feelings honestly i'm just frustrated LMFAOOO LIKE. SCREAMING. WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#why am i preordained by fate to never be loved OR understood. wjat the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Out here trying to just write a fun and slightly awkward first time but these goddamn men are suddenly out here giving themselves Revelations and Dramatic Moments and the best worst sex of both of their lives and I just
That is not what this is for
That is not what I wanted
But it’s good shit and I have nowhere else to put it and if I stop and go back what the hell else do I do instead?
#kabumisu#mithrun having whole ass revelations and his first desire in 40 years#(it’s for kabru to shut the fuck up and fuck him properly but no one gets in his own way worse than mithrun he doesn’t care what it is#he just wants to keep feeling the desire. satisfy it? noooooooo can’t do that gotta see if we can frustrate it and make it worse)#ugggggh i just wanted you to fuck nasty lads why is this a treatise now#they’ve been fucking for 9k and if you think they’ve gotten ANYWHERE nope#mithrun’s only just remembered ‘oh right the thing you do once you have a desire is satisfy it’#(also mithrun’s gonna chase kabru around to keep fucking his brains out in case the desire comes back but joke’s on him it’s not that easy)#they’re awkward they’re dreadful but if they do a good job he doesn’t want it to be better#also sudden and abrupt angst of mithrun realising he’s been saying ‘i’m fine’ for years and thinking he was satisfied with whatever#but nope my friend if you have no desires you cannot be satisfied you just didn’t remember what satisfaction was either#kabru x mithrun#it is. fighting me. but getting there.#and if it’s not fucking half way at LEAST at this point we riot#i’m not putting up with another 15k of this hell with the lads i am impatient
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me cause i found the designer of josie’s spiritual playboy shirt in bottoms (2023) on tiktok and said bottoms is my fave movie and i need the shirt so bad that i’ll even pay double only to have him say i should email him and he’ll make one last one for me only because he can tell just how much it means to me


#i only came back to share this tbh i’m currently in my frustration phase of culture shock and things have been rough#i also went to see moo deng with my friend today for her bday#so that was really nice#say what you want about tiktok but it’s been a blessing for me sawrieee 🤭#also nothing happens outside of bangkok it’s hell 😭#but i plan on moving to bangkok after i’m done working here so all is not lost#anyways bye#🪬
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aaaaa i'm really excited about these pride chibis, i hope everyone likes them :3c i'm always worried about how long my queue is, and if it takes me longer than june to finish these, but i really wanted to do them. hopefully people don't mind if they end up going into july to complete, but i also might just be over-worrying as usual and i'll get them done on time xD
#sorry sorry sorry my anxiety/depression has been really bad lately :C#really unpredictable too#i might have one day where i get a ton of shit done#and i'm like hell yeah we're back baby#and then 2 minutes later i'm crying and spiraling into the void#so i hope everyone can bear with me while i'm stilllll trying to get my brain right#anyway it all makes it hard to draw consistently#very frustrating >:C
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nothing like having seven years experience in doing that exact job and not even scoring an interview b/c im not "a top candidate" like. ok fuck i guess you were not looking for experience then
#its only been a day and a half. i am being impatient. but really honestly if i am not even offered an interview i am going to --#--be really REALLY puzzled. like??? how many applicants were there?????#????why was i not chosen for an interview??? i know my cover letter was sexy as hell. its GOOD. like. hello??????? iv been doing (redacted)#for almost a decade????????? hello??????#job application number uhhhhhmmmmmmm.probably over 100 now lol#pomodoriwhines#christ. ugh.#is it weird to hear back. not even to schedule an interview. just to ask if i am still available for the position? and then its been 48 hrs#and they havent contacted me to schedule an interview???#is that weird????? is that me being too impatient?? wtf?#i dont know but its confusing and frustrating and feels gross.#i hate this. i need the money. liiiike. aughhh
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ARCTIC MONKEYS 25/06/23
okay now that i've had some time to (slightly) emotionally and physically recover from yesterday, i need to flail about the highlights:
1) meeting one of my absolute favourite humans who i would never have got to know if it hadn't been for this little corner of tumblr - and then getting to share the excitement/nerves/elation/exhaustion rollercoaster of seeing am with them was just - there aren't even words for it. so special 💖
2) learning how to navigate rain ponchos
3) impulse buying too much merch (but also not regretting it. the glasgow tour poster is going to be the first thing going on my wall in my new flat)
4) the mirrorball starting to twirl just before they all came onstage and sending the colours of the afternoon sun everywhere
5) the sheer rush of the moment they all walked onstage together (also that was pretty much the only time i got to glimpse nick and matt at all 💔 from where i was standing i could mostly only see alex and jamie)
6) seeing alex a few metres away in real life after months of looking at his beautiful, dorky little expressions in photos/videos was surreal in the best possible way- there's just something so different about the way you get a sense of someone's energy when you're in the same space with them?? and as someone who's endlessly interested in people, i'm fascinated by how alex simultaneously gives off really reserved, self-contained vibes at the same time as being such a dynamic and captivating performer - like he’s so good at tapping into emotions without letting them be a door into how he’s actually feeling (if that makes any sense, my post-gig brain is not very articulate) i guess that all very much makes sense with all the stuff he's said about personas/performing, but it was still so interesting to get to really feel that sense of his presence in live time. he's definitely very much in control but in a very understated kind of way
7) a bunch of birds circling overhead on one side of the crowd, alex seeing them and dramatically declaring 'release the rest of the birds'
8) me and the lovely human i went with turning to each other with expressions of sheer joy when the opening bars of crying lightning were played (and don't sit down. and four stars. and arabella. and - you get the picture. getting to share the sheer delight of your favourite songs being played is just the loveliest feeling 💗)
9) alex doing a quirky little 'ha ha' laugh in the middle of body paint
10) mirrorball coinciding with the most beautiful pink dusk and half moon just above the stage, and getting to witness alex’s piano playing at the start of it
11) body paint. just. body paint. i think my soul left my body.
12) how much energy and enthusiasm alex seemed to have throughout the set - especially after the last week or so it was just the loveliest thing to see him messing about and having fun. and his voice sounded SO good. how anyone manages to sing like that (let alone sound like that less than a week after cancelling shows due to laryngitis) is an absolute mystery to me
13) alex's theatrical hand gestures for crying lightning (the one for gobstopper was a particular favourite)
14) hearing 505 when dusk has just fallen and you can see the smudged moon behind the deep indigo clouds is the only way anyone should ever hear 505
15) alex and matt having a giggle about something mid set
16) obviously i was aware of how stupidly talented they all are - but there's something about seeing it unfold in front of you in real time that makes it really hit you. the sound wasn't great where i was for some of the time so i don't feel like i got the best audio sense of everything, but i was just so struck in particular by matt on the drums and also alex with his guitar playing. i feel like when i'm just listening to their records i'm so busy listening to alex's voice that i forget how incredible a guitar player he is and - wow. just. yeah. it honestly took my breath away.
17) getting the distinct impression that it provides alex with a sense of amusement to deliberately do that thing where he sings the lyrics at slightly different speeds to trip the crowd up
18) even though i ended up being in significant pain for the second half of the set and had to go find somewhere a little further back where i could lean against the railings (chronic pain conditions and standing for 6+ hours apparently isn't the best mix), nothing could dull how magical it was hearing all the tracks from the car that they played closer to the end. standing there in the dusk and feeling so much about everything is something i'll never forget. it truly brought home to me so poignantly everything about why am's music means so much to me and how much love i have for them 💜
19) being in the exact line of direction alex blew kisses to at the end
20) the hazy post-gig walking in the dark under lit up green trees with the lovely human i went with and our conversations about am and creativity and the courage of sharing music 💖
#i'm honestly still processing the fact that it really happened#it was amazing#though i'm trying not to be frustrated with myself for my chronic pain kicking in when they were on#i had a couple of songs where i was like 'why can't i just enjoy this like a normal person'#but then the music took over and brought me back to myself#so yes#i wish i'd been feeling amazing for all of it#but it was still amazing even if i wasn't feeling amazing for every second of it#and i'm so so happy i went and got to share it with such an amazing human#💜#i’ve been swinging between riding a high and post gig blues all day so forgive me if any of this is incoherent#also#i know these photos are blurry as hell but i’d still appreciate it if people don’t repost them without my permission#arctic monkeys#alex turner#matt helders#jamie cook#nick o'malley#am glasgow 2023#lulu posts
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bc its been bouncing around in my head i think another little tiny grievance i had with totk is that i got to the end and just felt a sense of ‘well what the hell was that all for then’
#salty talks#like. ok. look at me. do you ever think abt how link loses an arm but absolutely nothing comes of it#it was basically just an excuse to give him powers and there was nothing actually done with yknow#him losing an arm. or how the light dragon thing didnt really have any long lasting consequences#and generally like. i had to think for a moment to remember why the hell she did that#what was her purpose in the past again???? what did she accomplish actually??? oh right the fucking sword#its like. i get to the end and like nothing has changed it all resets to zero it barely even feels lile a change#woth the other races pledging loyalty like the past (gags) bc barely anything abt hyrule changed between those two times#mineru leaves. she was a lot of wasted potential. nothing CHANGED it all just reset back to the status quo#no one learned anything i feel nothing new or interesting just oh hyrule is good :) it all feels so hollow#like you go on this big adventure and then at the end you dust yourself off and go back to doing basically#exactly what you were doing before that all happened like nothing happened. thats how it felt. what was the point#yeah sure new zonai stuff but that never sinks in its not important to the main narrative so it feels like nothing#it just. felt like there was no real point to the adventure except to affirm that yeah the past was perfect keep doing that#while none of the characters actions really have any lasting weight to them and they barely feel involved#i need to stop i can feel myself wanting to keep going lol. link losing his arm but the game not at all engaging with it is frustrating#totk salt#like to me it’s an issue bc its a long game with a lot to do but when you reach the end it just rings so fucking hollow#the main story/narrative equivalent to all those fucking collection items where the prize is a useless fucking token
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why do men feel the need to ruin my day
i was having a grand thursday morning. i'm in the middle of reading a 47 chapter fic that has my ass hooked
get a notification from a dude i've been hooking up with off and on for a few years now, had a bit of a falling out not 4 months ago, told him i was done with his back and forth of wanting me when he's horny then saying he's done and disappearing for a few months before coming right back bullshit
guess who's back spoiler alert it's not shady
#i'm so fucking frustrated#but i'm also weak and had feelings and it ended messy#so i may have accidentally opened that can of worms again by messaging back to accept his apology#fuckin hell wtf is wrong with me#katie talks#katie has bad taste in men more like#where do i get a return shipping label for bisexuality i'd like to trade it in for being a lesbian now please
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like what even is the point of the adult timeline idgi being a thing. like yes it establishes even as middle aged adults they're still haunted by the wilderness & their consequences followed them but like. ????? that rly isn't given as much focus as it should be given. there's too much random other shit going on. there's too many outta nowhere things. esp w other survivors showing up just to fucking die one season later. none of the mysteries in the adult timeline feel worth it being there. the adult casting is Great, & i wish i could like it solely for that, but man. even when i start to like it, some decision is made that turns me right back off to it. :/
i stay for the teen timeline bc i rly feel like despite some minor, minor qualms, it's genuinely super well done & interesting. truly an incredibly gripping mystery that keeps me on the edge of my seat, & makes me gasp, but that i can easily follow bc all the beats Make Sense.
but bc of how good it is, im just like. man i rly wish Both timelines had that much care put into them instead of making me wonder why there's two timelines at all
#mine#yj#yellowjackets#yj spoilers#sorry for being so negative i genuinely rly enjoy this season For the teen timeline#but the adult timeline is just such a damn mess to me.#it's like they thought 'oh two timelines would be interesting.' & didn't have plans at all for the adult timeline past that.#the teen timeline has its issues dgmw but at least they knew how it starts & how it ends from the v beginning#we literally See where it ends up at the v first episode.#meanwhile the adult timeline is like. they probably all die ig. in between that ????????¿¿¿¿¿????#i rly feel like tai is the best example bc why Is Anything in her adult timeline a thing#she's married to another woman & running for senator in s1 & by s3#she's just not. either of those things. bc she's back w van but oh nvm bc van is fucking dead in the WORST death in the show#why wasn't she just w van at the start if crystal & sammy don't mean shit & her political career died#before she even got into office apparently#it's just !!!! FRUSTRATING honestly#im as mad as i am bc GOD the teen timeline is SO FUCKING GOOD. it's so gripping.#& then the adult timeline comes up & im just frustrated & upset bc it's NOT GOOD & STUPID & DISJOINTED AS HELL#im tired bro
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The urge to make L.upin III an f/o again is growing once more...
#pan rambles#You can argue he never stopped being one even if he's unlisted#BUT MAN.... I've been watching Part 6 for the first time bc I had a bad habit of stopping right after episode 6#amd AUGH....#I don't miss L.upin or whatever (misses him a lot)#It's such a fun Series to write shenanigans about!#That stupid thief has taken over the braincell once more#another reason why it's tough for me to add him back is because my s/i and him never really become a thing?#Like. You have moments here and there that imply my s/i likes him and MAYBE that Lupin likes them back#but ultimately it's kinda ambiguous if they'll ever become a thing y'know?#It's so stupid but this is one of those times where I'm insecure as hell about making them a thing-afksnfksndj#I just kinda feel like he wouldn't settle for someone like my s/i#It's such a frustrating feeling-
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to be completely frank i think most of the people i've seen with major complaints regarding RGG 8's story are forgetting that 99% of what they're saying can be applied across the whole series
#this is not aimed at anyone in particular i've seen these sentiments all over#but things like 'well the story was mid' ok well come back to me after you've replayed yakuza kiwami. no optional majima everywhere allowed#and things like the ending falling flat - sure. but so did 7's#the pacing in the end chapter + chekhov's failboy were like. huh???#i'm never gonna call RGGS perfect but they're NOT regressing at all.#if anything gaiden and 8 have got me extremely hopeful for whatever comes next#like it's their 20th anniversary this year they've left so many loose ends in 8 they can carry on from they've got forever to keep going#MY only complaint is that they couldn't have retrofitted more of gaiden into IW but i can't exactly fault them for that#idk for all of the dooming i'm seeing i want to say something more positive about the game as a whole#even if this post is still pretty doom & gloom#people just let their expectations get way too high for this one game and i'm not even sure how that happened in most cases#it met all of mine - hell it EXCEEDED them. but i recognise i may be privileged on that front lol <- kashiwagi likers are eating so well rn#text#8#again i don't mean to attack anyone in particular it's just a general frustration i've been having#and i only hope that if there comes a time when people play over again that they're able to dig further into the meat of the story#and recognise that this game isn't uniquely 'shit' or 'mid'
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Long Vent under read more
TLDR: Tired, Lonely, unhappy with living situation
These past 2 and a half years, especially these past six months have really nailed in just how stifled and suffocated I feel, there was a point where living with my aunt and grandma felt good, I felt loved and comfortable for once, I've lived with them for 8 years of my adult life, but the older I get, the more I realized this is just another restrictive household where I have to walk on eggshells. I have to pretend to be Christian, I have to pretend to be cis and straight, have to pretend I don't have mental problems, and when I'm angry, its always chalked up to be my period, and they always treat me like a child, and its getting more and more obvious as the years go by. I don't get to go out much, in the past two years, the only times I was out of the house for days, was when I was in the hospital, and despite the pain I endured there, I felt sad to leave, and I cried when I was given the OK to go back to work, I hated going back to normal. And the other time, very recently, was when I got to hang out with my best friend for a few days, and it was great! I loved it!! But it was so short lived, it was the only time I was comfortable being myself in public. and I hated going back to normal again. I don't really get to partake in hobbies until maybe when my aunt and grandma fall asleep, and even then I'm too tired to do much of anything. My time is never considered, scheduled for my first PT session? Oh family is coming over and they're going to borrow the car, work? Oh we're going to go eat out with a friend at the Cheesecake Factory, final doctors appointment? Oh I'm getting my hair dyed, Hang out with my friend that was planned for months that I made sure they knew about? we're going on a cruise!!! and many such cases, doesn't matter if I tell them, and put it on the calendar. Sure the house they live in is pretty nice and its good to actually have AC, wifi and my own room for the first time in a long time but, I really only get to exist in my room, if I'm lucky, and they're out of town for a few days, I can finally exist in the living room and I actually don't mind cleaning and I'm able to cook! When my grandma and aunt can't criticize every little thing. I wouldn't mind living by myself, with friends, or even the small chance of having decent roommates, I want to be around people I actually like being around, I want to partake in hobbies at any hour of the day, I just want out, I want to be able to live my life
#its been a very revealing six months#for my sanity and the sake of tumblrs text limit I kept it as short as I possibly could#it makes them sound uniquely 'terrible' but they are just so Retired Old People as they can be#if anything it just gives me more motivation to get out of retail hell and hope I can eventually save up to get out#how and where? idk!! just. eventually#I try so hard to play nice but it always strays back into People Pleaser territory#while I can't hang out with work friends bc we all work front end#I'm gonna try to see if I can hang out with my spl@oon buddies who also live in AZ#if you actually read all this i'm sorry lol. just have so much pent up frustration#and I need to get it out before I go back to work#just angry and tired all the time and not much I can do irl to Not Be Like This#like on one hand. they absolutely deserve their retirement!!! working sucks!! especially with Walmart#but on the other. man. I just don't want to Be Here while they're here All The Time
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