#from three different comedy clubs/improv groups

[random2908]

I learned something important and stupid about California. The main purpose of red light cameras is to catch people who don't sufficiently stop at the intersection before making a right turn. The fee is exorbitant, about $400-500, because a big chunk of it has to go to the privately owned company that installs and monitors the cameras; this is also the company who identifies who has to pay fees for not sufficiently stopping for their right turns. (The fine is $35 because this is such a minor offense, the rest is fees.) Plus you then have to pay a traffic school so that your insurance won't go up, which is such a racket. It's a triple racket, and it's government sanctioned because the local government is part of it.

Every so often there's a big class-action against some city or another over this, but unfortunately for me, there is not currently one against my city that I could try to join in instead of paying this fucking stupid fine for a non-crime.

As far as I can tell from a lot of google research, this is such a routine thing in the cities that do it that there's no real way to fight it (a laywer is cheaper than the fine! so I considered that as an option). That is, short of joining one of those periodic class-actions, which is unfortunately not happening right now. I'll keep an eye out in case I can join a later one and maybe recoup some of my money.

[somegirlsnerdywords2]

Anime i’ve Watched

That begin with a O (Part 2)!

Yep this is how i’m going to bring over all the anime and manga i’ve watched and posted about on the old blog. It’s not so detailed but it will have to do. Anything new I watch or read from this point on will have their own posts.

Orenchi no Furo Jijou:

Genres: Comedy, Fantasy, Josei, TV short

Synopsis:  On his way home from school, Tatsumi sees a man collapsed near a lake. When he approaches him, Tatsumi notices something strange: the person in need of help is actually a beautiful merman named Wakasa! Because Wakasa's home has become too polluted to live in, Tatsumi graciously offers his bathtub as a refuge. With a boisterous merman as his new roommate, Tatsumi's normal life won't be returning anytime soon, not to mention Wakasa's aquatic friends—Takasu, Mikuni, and Maki—often show up uninvited, making them all quite a handful for the high school student. As he humors their curiosity for human life, Tatsumi sometimes finds himself enjoying their childish antics, but he will have to keep his cool if he intends to keep up with his daily life and newfound friendship. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8.5/10

Finished airing in 2014 with a total of 13, 4 minute long episodes. 

My Thoughts: A soothing tv short with a fantasy twist and cute guys as far as the eye can see! 

Oshiete! Galko-chan:

Genres: Slice of Life, Comedy, School, TV Short

Synopsis:  At first glance, Galko, Otako, and Ojou are three high school girls who seem like they wouldn’t have anything to do with each other. Galko is a social butterfly with a reputation for being a party animal, even though she is actually innocent and good-hearted despite her appearance. Otako is a plain-looking girl with a sarcastic personality and a rabid love of manga. And Ojou is a wealthy young lady with excellent social graces, though she can be a bit absent-minded at times. Despite their differences, the three are best friends, and together they love to talk about various myths and ask candid questions about the female body. Oshiete! Galko-chan is a lighthearted and humorous look at three very different girls and their frank conversations about themselves and everyday life. No topic is too safe or too sensitive for them to joke about—even though every so often, Galko seems to get a bit embarrassed by their discussions! [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 7/10

Finished airing in 2016 with a total of 12, 7 minute long episodes. 

My Thoughts: Cute art/ animation style. An alright short but nothing amazing. 

Otome Youkai Zakuro:

Genres: Demons, Historical, Military, Romance, Seinen, Supernatural

Synopsis:  Second Lieutenant Kei Agemaki, the son of a famous general, has hidden his extreme fear of paranormal beings all his life. However, when he and two others are reassigned to live and work with youkai in the Ministry of Spirit Affairs, he is brought face-to-face with his worst nightmare. Now with the help of the fox spirit Kushimatsu, he and his fellow officers must learn to work alongside youkai maidens—Zakuro, Susukihotaru, Hoozuki, and Bonbori—to solve paranormal cases. Set in the midst of an alternate version of Japanese Westernization, Otome Youkai Zakuro explores the clashes and unions that can occur when east meets west, local meets foreign, and women meet men. The unusual alliance of the youkai maidens and human officers must learn to work together in a world that is changing around them. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2010 with a total of 13 episodes. 

My Thoughts: An interesting (if not a bit cliche) but incomplete anime. Has a manga.... which is also incomplete and updated very, very slowly. 

Ouran Koukou Host Club (Ouran High School Host Club):

Genres: Comedy, Reverse Harem, Romance, School, Shoujo

Synopsis:  Haruhi Fujioka is a bright scholarship candidate with no rank or title to speak of—a rare species at Ouran Academy, an elite school for students of high pedigree. When she opens the door to Music Room #3 hoping to find a quiet place to study, Haruhi unexpectedly stumbles upon the Host Club. Led by the princely Tamaki Suou, the club—whose other members include the "Shadow King" Kyouya Ootori; the mischievous Hitachiin twins, Kaoru and Hikaru; the childlike Mitsukuni Haninozuka, also known as "Honey"; and his strong protector Takashi "Mori" Morinozuka—is where handsome boys with too much time on their hands entertain the girls in the academy. In a frantic attempt to remove herself from the hosts, Haruhi ends up breaking a vase worth eight million yen and is forced into becoming the eccentric group's general errand boy to repay her enormous debt. However, thanks to her convincingly masculine appearance, her naturally genial disposition toward girls, and fascinating commoner status, she is soon promoted to full-time male host. And before long, Haruhi is plunged into a glitzy whirlwind of elaborate cosplays, rich food, and exciting shenanigans that only the immensely wealthy Host Club can pull off. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2006 with a total of 26 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Raise your hand if you believe this series deserves a remake!? I would lose it if they remade this series but the original isn’t all that bad either! Worth a watch if you’re a shoujo lover! 

Outbreak Company:

Genres: Harem, Comedy, Parody, Fantasy

Synopsis: Shinichi Kanou is a shut-in otaku with a vast knowledge of anime, manga, and video games. One day, after applying for a job in hopes of escaping his secluded lifestyle, he is kidnapped and transported to the Eldant Empire—a fantasy world filled with elves, dragons, and dwarves. Trapped in this strange land, Shinichi is given an unlikely task by the Japanese government: to spread otaku culture across the realm by becoming an "Otaku Missionary." To accomplish his mission, Shinichi has the full support of the Japanese government, as well as the half-elf maid Myucel and Princess Petralka of the Eldant Empire. Together with this ragtag bunch, he will overcome the obstacles of politics, social classes, and ethnic discrimination to promote the ways of the otaku in this holy land. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 7/10

Finished airing in 2013 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Not memorable at all. Character design looks nice, very shiny... 

Owari no Seraph:

Genres: Action, Military, Supernatural, Drama, Vampire, Shounen

Synopsis:  With the appearance of a mysterious virus that kills everyone above the age of 13, mankind becomes enslaved by previously hidden, power-hungry vampires who emerge in order to subjugate society with the promise of protecting the survivors, in exchange for donations of their blood. Among these survivors are Yuuichirou and Mikaela Hyakuya, two young boys who are taken captive from an orphanage, along with other children whom they consider family. Discontent with being treated like livestock under the vampires' cruel reign, Mikaela hatches a rebellious escape plan that is ultimately doomed to fail. The only survivor to come out on the other side is Yuuichirou, who is found by the Moon Demon Company, a military unit dedicated to exterminating the vampires in Japan. Many years later, now a member of the Japanese Imperial Demon Army, Yuuichirou is determined to take revenge on the creatures that slaughtered his family, but at what cost? Owari no Seraph is a post-apocalyptic supernatural shounen anime that follows a young man's search for retribution, all the while battling for friendship and loyalty against seemingly impossible odds. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 4/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Cliche, but not in a fun way. I rarely watch anime involving vampires though so that was a bit fun. 

Owari no Seraph: Nagoya Kessen-hen

Genres: Action, Military, Supernatural, Drama, Vampire, Shounen

Synopsis:  Yuuichirou Hyakuya is finally reunited with his childhood friend Mikaela Hyakuya, whom he had long presumed to be dead. Upon their reunion, however, he discovers that Mikaela has been turned into a vampire. Determined to help his friend, Yuuichirou vows to get stronger so that he can protect Mikaela as well as the comrades in the Moon Demon Company. Kureto Hiiragi receives information that a large group of vampires will be gathering in Nagoya, preparing for their assault on the Imperial Demon Army's main forces in Tokyo. Led by Guren Ichinose, Yuuichirou's team is one of many selected to intercept and eliminate the vampire nobles. With the Nagoya mission quickly approaching, the members of Shinoa squad continue to work towards fully mastering their weapons, while learning how to improve their teamwork. Yuuichirou must gain the power he needs to slay the nobles and save his best friend, before he succumbs to the demon of the Cursed Gear. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 3/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: It somehow got a sequel... still lacking. Plenty of pretty people though with little substance...

[shazzeaslightnovels]

Seireitsukai no Blade Dance 1

Official English Title: Blade Dance of the Elementalers

Author: Yuu Shimizu

Illustrator: Hanpen Sakura

Label: MF Bunko J

Release Date: 21 December 2010

Art Notes: This series went through 3 different illustrators throughout it’s life and I’ll be talking about each of them as we get to them. Hanpen Sakura was the original artist and covered the series for 13 volumes before having to step down due to health issues. Their art is definitely done in the moe style and, while it’s not really to my taste, I do like the character designs (Restia’s especially) and I think that it suits the series. I do remember Sakura’s art does get better as the series continues so I look forward to seeing that improvement.

Ecchi warning: aside from the cover, there’s also a colour illustration of a nude Claire getting attacked by a slimy water spirit.

So, first off, I have read part of this series before. It was years ago though, back in the day when fan translations reigned supreme, J-Novel Club wasn’t a thing yet, Yen-Press wasn’t licensing many light novels and I hadn’t begun to learnt Japanese yet. While my memories are a bit fuzzy, I do remember quite a bit about it so, while I don’t intend to spoil anything, there’s a possibility that I may do so on accident to please keep that in mind.

Anyway, I enjoyed this, though there were a few scenes that frustrated me a little bit. I especially enjoyed the fight scenes and found the protagonist to be charming. I definitely recommend it if you are into magic battle school series and don’t mind harem and ecchi elements.

Story:

Genre: Ecchi, Harem, Action, Fantasy, Magic school, Comedy

Elementalers - people who are able to make contracts with elemental spirits and use their powers for battle. The power usually only appears in pure maidens but it appears that Kamito is an exception. Having lost some of his memories three years ago, Kamito is on a search to find someone. His search takes him to a prestigious academy for young elementalers and the headmaster forces him to enrol there, telling him to compete in the blade dance, a competition in which elementalers compete in order to have their wish granted. Seeing as the blade dance may lead Kamito to find who he is looking for, he complies. But, this year, the blade dance is a group battle and Kamito must find 4 teammates in order to compete...

Content warnings: the ecchi here isn’t very hardcore (I mean, in comparison to modern ecchi light novels, anyway) but it is still there so I don’t recommend reading this series if you’re bad with that kind of thing. Also, there are violent tsundere characters and a character who has the form of a child but is actually hundreds of years old so, again, if you have issues with these character types then I don’t recommend it.

Yes, this is one of those series with a power that’s only meant to be used by girls except for the male protagonist who can use it because reasons, a bunch of tsundere, ecchi “comedic” scenes, misunderstandings and a magic battle school. I know that a lot people hate these types of series but I’ve always thought that they have a certain charm to them and I found myself enjoying this volume despite all of it’s cliches. The magic system is interesting and the battle scenes are exciting and the characters are likeable and that’s all I really want out of a series like this. There were some scenes that annoyed me like the misunderstanding scenes where Kamito ends up in a situation that looks bad and the girls are quick to jump to conclusions and accuse him of doing something that he didn’t actually do. It gets tiresome after a while but I did manage to look past it, in the end.

One of the main things that is set up in this volume is teamwork. The characters are very strong but they are really terrible at teamwork, especially Rinslet, and I look forward to seeing them get better at it. The other major plot points that are introduced here have to do with Kamito’s and Claire’s past as they’re both searching for someone. I’m really looking forward to unraveling the mysteries behind Kamito’s memory loss.

Character:

Kamito is an interesting and likeable protagonist. He has a mysterious past and slowly more facts about it get revealed over the course of this volume but we still don’t know everything and I look forward to learning more. I also find his personality charming with how he tends to tease the tsundere ojou-sama around him when they yell at him but is willing to apologise when he realises that he’s crossed a line. As you can tell from the cover, Claire, the fiery red-haired tsundere, is our main heroine for this volume. Her catchphrase is “I’ll burn you to cinders”, she weilds a whip that she often uses to wrap around Kamito’s neck and her first meeting with Kamito ends with her declaring that he needs to take responsibility and become her slave. The series has a few tsundere characters but she’s probably the most violent of them so she’s definitely one of those characters that is easy to hate. I think her tsun is made more bearable thanks to Kamito’s personality and his willingness to tease her when she gets violent and I found myself able to like her despite all of her flaws. I think there’s a lot of potential for good development with her and I hope to see her become less abusive as the series goes on.

As for the other heroines, 4 are introduced in this volumes and one’s a spoiler so I’ll just talk about the other 3 for now. Ellis is the captain of the school knights and she initially hates Kamito upon discovering his existence but she comes around to him by the end of the volume. She’s not as violent as Claire is but she is still a tsundere and often threatens to turn Kamito into *insert food of any type here* which I found amusing. Of the girls, Rinslet fits the archetype of “tsundere ojou-sama” the best but she’s less tsun than Claire and Ellis and is probably the least prone to violence of the three. I really enjoy her rivalry with Claire and I love her way of speaking. Est is a spirit that Kamito makes a contract with at the start of the volume. She doesn’t do a whole lot here but readers who enjoy the kuudere loli archetype should enjoy her. The supporting characters in this volume are memorable enough.

Adaptation Notes:

The manga adaptation is complete at 6 volumes and features art by Issei Hyouju (provided the art for the manga adaptations of Slayers Revolution, MM!, Slayers Evolution-R and the ongoing Isekai Meikyuu de Harem wo). It’s pretty good so far and has some great action panels and adorable chibi art. Some stuff is cut or moved but a lot of it improves the story as some of the more silly misundersting scenes are taken out and the moved scenes improve the pacing. It’s worth a mention that the scene in the light novel where Claire gets attacked by the water spirit is changed in the manga so that Claire and Rinslet get attacked by it while clothed. Anyway, I enjoyed the manga and I recommend it as a substitute for the light novel.

Apparently, there is another manga adaptation with art by Zenzai Yoshihira but it was cancelled after a few chapters due to health problems and a volume was never released so I can’t talk about it at all.

The anime adaptation is 12 episodes in length and this volume is adapted in the first 4 episodes. This is one of those cases where I wish that the anime staff had been more willing to cut stuff and change things. This is a short volume and it does not need 4 episodes to adapt it. The mediocre adaptation for this series is why I have to defend adaptations like Saijaku Muhai no Bahamut and Danmachi whose creators knew that volume 3 would not be a good enough stopping point to make an impression and saw opportunities to cut things out and I wish that Blade Dance had received a similar treatment. It’s also really low budgeted and you can tell. As for what I do like about the anime, I do enjoy the character designs and I like that the majority of the voice actors selected for the anime did not have much experience at the time, like Kana Yuuki, Shizuka Ishigami, Makoto Furukawa and Saori Oonishi. And they all nail their performances and are perfectly cast in their roles. There are some well-known voice actors cast as well, like Youko Hikasa, but most of the actors were not expeirenced when the anime was produced and I like that the anime gave the opportunity for these newer actors to shine.

Recommended for:

If you’re into battle school fantasy series and don’t mind harem and ecchi elements, read this. If you’re currently trying to learn Japanese through reading light novels and want to read a fantasy series, I found this easy to read. There is a bit of fantasy jargon but not too much and it’s quite short at around 250 pages.

I’ll be reading volume 2 fairly soon.

[precuredaily]

Precure Day 160

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 12 - “Protect Urara’s Stage!” Date watched: 23 November 2019 Original air date: 22 April 2007 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/KiGZvA2 Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

When did this become the Precure stage show?

As I indicated in the last review, this is one of those episodes that just really sticks out in my memory, but it turns out I don’t actually remember much about it at all. It’s not as impactful as I recalled, but it represents a step forward for Urara and it has a kickass fight. Let’s get started!

The Plot

Urara has been tapped to host a stage show at an amusement park, which is a big break in her career. She meets her friends at the park, along with her overly prepared manager Washio and Masuko Mika, who’s there to write about her for the paper. Mika and Washio hit it off right away, speculating about where Urara’s career could go from here, culminating in a Hollywood movie and an Oscar nod.

Urara arrives at her rehearsal, goes through wardrobe, and starts going through her routine. Unfortunately the star of the show has had an emergency and called out. Nozomi quickly volunteers to play her part in the show, to save Urara’s debut. Unfortunately, she isn’t a very good actress, but it’s too late to cancel the show now. Outside, we see Girinma handing out fliers for the show and making ominous remarks about its content....

At showtime, the stadium is filled with children and their parents, wanting to see the forest animals show. Nozomi is extremely nervous, despite Urara’s reassurance, and trips and falls during her entrance.

Before she can recover, Girinma drops a mask onto a prop tree, which turns into a giant Kowaina. Out in the crowd, Mika is confused by this strange story direction but the audience all thinks it’s part of the show. (no magical falling asleep here!) Rin, Karen, and Komachi all rush onto stage with Nozomi and Urara but aren’t sure if they should transform with all these people watching. However, Urara’s actor instincts kick in and she tells the audience to look at up just as Karen convinces the stage manager to turn on the spotlights, blinding the audience members momentarily. The girls seize their opportunity and transform into Precure. They fight the Kowaina as the opening theme starts playing, and it’s a very visually spectacular fight as they run, jump, and dive through tree branches and vines to try to land a few solid hits on the monster. It tries to shoot a leaf storm at the audience but Mint blocks it with her shield, and then Girinma tries to attack a nosy Mika, who is protected by Aqua. Dream manages to shoot off a Dream Attack, defeating the Kowaina, as Girinma retreats. There’s a gag during all of this where Washio is worried because he can’t see Urara, and somehow didn’t connect the dots when the five girls transformed on stage.

Mika, recognizing the Pretty Cures from her first meeting with them, takes lots of pictures of the battle and plans to write a piece about them. They’re sure that this time they’re busted, but once again Nuts runs interference, going up to her in his human state and saying hello. The next day at school, all the students are crowded around the newspaper again, and wouldn’t you know, it’s an expose on Nuts and Mika’s fated reunion, with a tiny article about Urara’s stage show at the bottom. Washio comes up and asks Urara to put on that show again, because the Precure fight was a smash hit with audiences, but the other four girls wave it off, and the episode ends.

The Analysis

I don’t know where to start. Urara is giving it her all in this stage show, and she even improvs a bit to keep their cover and distract the audience while they transform. She’s really good at what she does, and she has a promising future as an actor ahead of her. She presents a really energetic performance for the kids and tries to mitigate the danger by making it seem like the monster attack is part of the show. The show must go on, indeed! Additionally, when Nozomi steps up to play the part of the rabbit, despite fumbling in the costume and having trouble with her lines, Urara just rolls with it. I love that all the girls are really rooting for this to work out for her, and during the fight they defend the sanctity of the show and Urara’s part. And honestly, props to Nozomi as well. She’s trying her best here. She’s clumsy and has been kicked out of the drama club before, but her heart is in the right place, and there are no better options so the other three girls agree to help her with cue cards.

there’s a new kaiju in town

The battle itself is action-packed and filled with some dynamic scenes that I will turn into gifs. It’s one of the better fights in this show so far. I love how the girls fly around through the vines and branches, delivering some swift ass-kickings. There is some reused footage from the opening, namely the part where the five girls line up as the song counts off “One, two, three four five!” The kowaina makes itself a difficult target, despite its large size, and that keeps the battle interesting. It takes some work for the girls to actually get to the mask and break it. The large amount of civilians keep the stakes high, as they’re easy targets for a massive attack. This lets us see Mint use her shield in a more interesting way than normal (because I’ll be honest, a lot of the times she blocks the enemy’s attack when she could just dodge). I love getting to see her make use of her strengths. Shield cures are highly situational, but this was a situation in which it was very effective. Also, I liked how Mika’s insatiable lust for a scoop put her in danger. She won’t learn from it, but it’s an action that had nearly fatal consequences because Girinma was out for her head, and it took Aqua intervening to save her. When she did that, she referred to her by name, which might cause Mika to recognize them down the road... I don’t think so but we’ll find out.

Speaking of special attacks, there’s something I want to discuss about them. In the FW shows, the special attack was only ever used as a finisher. They never used Marble Screw or Twin Stream Splash to attack in the middle of a battle, but they do use their special attacks in Yes 5 as both attacks and finishers. Some of their attacks simply don’t work as finishers (I mean, I’d like to see them TRY to finish a monster off with Mint Protection, that’d be cool), and pink rules so you usually see Dream Attack used to take down the monster. What they don’t have is a clear group finisher. That will change, of course, but as long as this persists, I get a sense of inconsistency about what will and won’t destroy a Kowaina. The use of special attacks that aren’t finishers is a bit of a deviation from the original concept but it’s still tame here. I don’t think they ever go too far down this rabbit hole, but it’s worth noting.

This episode manages to mix in a good amount of comedy on the side, without overwhelming the main plot, and I admire the balance. Washio is a fun manager but he is really over-prepared. He appears carrying two giant duffle bags for Urara, despite the fact that her outfit is provided, and among the many things he has brought are some charms for....

Nono Hana could use that last one

He and Mika play off of each other really well, they’ve got a nice comic relief duo schtick going on. Mika, of course, is mainly in this to get a good story for the paper, and having a local celebrity at school is a good outlet. Reporting on her career advancements is a big step up from reporting what she ate for lunch. Both of them readily buy into the fight scene, assuming it’s part of the show and not that there was some kind of actual danger, and Washio is just distressed that Urara has disappeared instead of fearing for his life. At the end of the episode, both of them ramp up the comedy in their own way. Mika’s crush on Nuts has not yet gotten old, and probably won’t for a while yet (don’t quote me on that), so continuing the running gag where she gets distracted from a big story by a chance (or intentional) encounter with him gets a thumbs up in my book. I don’t get tired of seeing Nozomi and Rin’s exasperated faces when they see her reports.

Also, Urara has a nice little gag there where she’s hopping up and down trying to read the paper because she can’t see over their shoulders. I’ll gif that soon.

Urara gets a couple of other moments of note, where she seems to be breaking the fourth wall. At the very start, when she’s sort of practicing her introductory speech to the crowd, she turns to speak to the show’s audience, and Rin questions who she’s even talking to. (Rin makes a good straight man, by the way).

The last gag of note is when Coco and Nuts say they tagged along because you never know when a Pinky could show up.... and then a Pinky shows up right then. Yeah, Pinkies, remember them? They’re kind of supposed to be driving the plot. There’s more of them than there are Heartiels and Miracle Drops combined, yet they’re barely mentioned.

Just some other small observations before I wrap this up, I love everybody’s street clothes in this episode. They’re a little different from what we’ve seen them wearing before.

except for Rin

Urara’s sailor blouse and knee-length skirt make her look a little more mature than her normal attire of puffy shorts and sleeves. The other four are wearing outfits strongly reminiscent of their clothes from the ending. Rin and Nozomi’s outfits are exactly that, except for the butterflies. Komachi and Karen’s outfits are the same as what they wear in the ending, but the colors are a little different.

for reference

And for some reason the art in this episode is very hit-or-miss. A lot of good shots still seem slightly off model. It’s a little jarring, it’s not low-detail (except for one laughably bad frame), it’s just that faces are drawn with warped shapes. Yes I am going to chronicle every time this happens in every show, it’s notable.

What happened here is that they quickly zoomed out to show the whole stage, and they wouldn’t need to show much detail, so to achieve the effect, they started way zoomed in on the cell before pulling back, rather than create a new drawing for one just frame. It’s not really visible when watching.

So, animation stuff aside.... this was a great episode! Since the major theme of this show is finding and chasing your dream, showing each girl’s different progress in that regard is important, and they do it so well. Urara is a bit further ahead than the others, but she still has a lot of work to do to become a famous actor, and her friends want to help her however possible. It’s what this show does best, and this was a fun stepping stone.

Next time, Rin is getting pulled in every direction at once! Look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 1 “kettei” by Nozomi herself, 1 each by Washio and Mika (spoken together)

NOTE: I’m going to come back to add some gifs to this post at a later date. I really wanted to include them the first time around but due to unforseen circumstances, this review was delayed several days past when I wanted to get it out, so I didn’t want to delay it any further. I’ll make a post on @pcd-status​ when I update this.

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 5/19/20

After-School Bitchcraft, Vol. 1 | By Yu Shimizu and Kazuma Ichihara | Yen Press – Afterschool Boobcraft would be a better title for this supernatural romance about Ririki, a ditzy high school student who accidentally discovers that her chemistry teacher is a sorcerer. Though Ririki quickly realizes that she, too, has hidden powers, nothing about her giggly, helpless behavior suggests that she’s competent enough to tie her own shoes, let alone cast a spell. Renji, her teacher, is even less of a character, defined primarily by his brusque demeanor and perma-scowl. Anyone reading for plot will find the the crude, obvious fanservice irritating, while anyone reading for fanservice will find the series’ pedestrian efforts at world-building an unwelcome distraction from the parade of costume failures and panty shots, all of which are drawn in salacious detail. Not recommended. – Katherine Dacey

Animeta!, Vol. 3 | By Yaso Hanamura | J-Novel Club – Miyuki Sanada is making gradual improvement as an inbetweener, though she’s been told that if she doesn’t pass the key animation exam within a year, she’s fired. Meanwhile, her fellow new hire, Maria Date, seems to be leaving her in the dust, is actively campaigning to take her place with the prestigious Studio 7, and gets invited to enter a character design contest by the big boss. I appreciate the sports manga feel this rivalry evokes, but the most compelling part of Animeta! for me is the plight of Yuiko Fuji, the inbetween checker who once tried to become a key animator but had no flair. She’s amazing at her current job, but seeing new talent getting promoted over her is tough. This series has really grown on me, now that its been fleshing out its characters more, and I reckon I’ll stick with it for the long haul! – Michelle Smith

A Certain Scientific Accelerator, Vol. 10 | By Kazuma Kamachi and Arata Yamaji | Seven Seas – Last time I said the cliffhanger was chilling, this time that extends to much of the book. The Index series has usually been too concerned with action and harems to get into pure horror, but its spinoffs have no issues with it, particularly this one. Cannibalism of a scientific sort continues to be the norm here, with our tragic villain continuing to be sympathetic. As is Yomikawa, possibly the nicest character in the whole Indexverse. For those who aren’t reading this for nice, the good news is that Accelerator is back in action by the end of this and ready to beat villains up while continuing to state what a villain he is. Index fans will enjoy this, though may also be creeped out. – Sean Gaffney

Cocoon Entwined, Vol. 2 | By Yuriko Hara | Yen Press – Yes, it is still tempting to review these volumes by just saying “hair” and being done with it. I mean, the start of the second volume seems to be narrated from the POV of a former schoolgirl’s hair, which is now made up of the uniform of our heroine. But there is a bit more to it than that, as we cycle back a bit and get more insight into the mysterious Hoshimiya, whose hair drifting down in single hairlets (hairlets?) continues to be an emotional gut punch for most of the school. There’s also discussion of traditions, why they’re kept and when they might have to be broken for the sake of moving on and fixing things. It’s quite an emotional drama. And rest assured, it’s filled with hair. So much hair. – Sean Gaffney

The Golden Sheep, Vol. 3 | By Kaori Ozaki | Vertical Comics – The third volume of The Golden Sheep is its last, and while it was nice that the four friends at the center of the story ultimately resolved their differences, it all felt rather too easy and anticlimactic. I did like that Yuushin finds purpose in striving to achieve enough independence to live with the stray kitty he rescued, though. (It is an extremely cute kitty.) The volume is rounded out by a twisted short story called “Love Letter” in which an unborn soul chooses to be born to a teen runaway and ends up dying from neglect, but loves its mother so much that it opts to return to earth in any guise that allows it to see her, including another cute kitty who soon meets a tragic end. It left a weird taste in my brain. – Michelle Smith

How Heavy Are the Dumbbells You Lift?, Vol. 3 | By Yabako Sandrovich and MAAM | Seven Seas – The first volume it was the fanservice that got my attention. The second volume it was the advice on keeping fit. And in this one it’s the comedy that’s really reaching out to grab you, taking the series in places I was not expecting it to go, like turning the main girls (including their teacher!) into a muscle-bound idol group, something that is impressively different but goes over like a lead balloon. Zina has fit in well with the others, and moreover she knows Satomi cosplays, so can cheerfully use that for blackmail. There are also hints that romance may come into this series—Hibiki has always been attracted to Machio when he’s not bulking out, but there’s a suggestion that her feelings may run a bit deeper than that. That said, I expect comedy to prevail. This is fun. – Sean Gaffney

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War, Vol. 14 | By Aka Akasaka | Viz Media – The first half of this book is almost all dedicated to Kaguya and Shirogane finally, finally, confessing—not through words, but through actions. It’s the payoff everyone has been waiting for, and it’s handled perfectly. The second half of this book then drags it all back to hilarious comedy, with the chapter about Kaguya french-kissing Shirogane being the highlight of the volume and possibly the series. Of course, there’s the question of where do we go from here—Kaguya ends up breaking her brain so much over this that she reverts to her old icy persona, and there may be a new love triangle developing around Ishigami. So don’t stop reading just because Kaguya got confessed to—there’s still plenty more fun. – Sean Gaffney

My Hero Academia: Smash!!, Vol. 4 | By Hirofumi Neda and Kohei Horikoshi | Viz Media – The gag series has caught up to the main storyline, or at least wants to avoid the Overhaul Arc, so for the most part this volume is original material. Sometimes that’s good—the author shows a surprising taste for very dark character-based jokes when they want to, including one with Todoroki talking about his mother that made me gasp. There’s also a parents’ day again (it goes a bit better than the one in School Briefs), which allows us to see parents we forgot existed, like Uraraka’s mother. That said, there’s also a sense that the series is starting to get a bit tired. The next volume is signposted to be the last, and that’s a good thing. Go out while you’re still flying high. – Sean Gaffney

Nori | By Rumi Hara | Drawn & Quarterly – Born in Kyoto and currently based in New York, Hara has been creating comics for about a decade, but Nori is Hara’s graphic novel debut. The volume has its origins in a series of self-published mini-comics which earned Hara multiple award nominations. Nori collects six short tales of varying lengths which feature the adventures of the titular Noriko, an imaginative three-year-old, and Hana, her grandmother and caregiver. Except for a surprise trip that takes Nori and Hana to Hawaii, the stories are largely set in Osaka in the 1980s. All of them are incredibly charming. Hara effortlessly blends mythology and legends with the characters’ day-to-day lives and Nori’s fantastical imaginings. Some of my favorite moments are Nori’s interactions with older kids—some of whom really aren’t sure what to do at first with a precocious toddler hanging about as they explore the natural world together. Nori is an undeniable delight. – Ash Brown

That Blue Summer, Vol. 4 | By Atsuko Namba | Kodansha Comics (digital only) – Rio Funami is a Tokyo girl who’s been sent, along with her bookish little brother, to stay with her grandmother in the countryside for the duration of her 40-day summer vacation. She’s fallen in love with a local boy named Ginzo Izumi, who initially rejected her, believing they belonged in different worlds and valued different things. However, as time has gone on, Ginzo has come to see that’s not true. In fact, Rio seems enraptured by the village he calls home and understands the calling he feels towards graphic design while simultaneously feeling obligated to stay and take over the family liquor store. This is more than just a generic romance—it’s about passions versus practicality and finding reasons for joy in any situation. I’m enjoying it a lot and isn’t that cover a beauty? – Michelle Smith

Yowamushi Pedal, Vol. 14 | By Wataru Watanabe | Yen Press – The race that would never end has ended! And yes, our hero manages to capture first place, The first half of the book is really fantastic, showing off how good the author is at wringing drama and emotion from every last meter. The second half pales in comparison mostly as it’s setting up the next chunk of book, though seeing Onoda suddenly fail so hard simply as his mentor has left (transferred to another country) is poignant, and I suspect he needs another race or two before he can get back into form, so I expect more failure. Oh, and Kanzaki shows up briefly to remind us she exists and also help the core team get new bikes that work to their strengths. Still excellent shonen sports. – Sean Gaffney

By: Ash Brown

[eretzyisrael]

The Concentration Camp Comedian 

Karel Schwenk was a young Jewish entertainer who created a cabaret in a concentration camp to lift the spirits of his fellow inmates.

Born in 1917, Karel was already making people laugh as a toddler. By the time he was a teenager, Karel was part of an avant garde theater group known as “The Club of Wasted Talents.” He served as actor, director, writer, and composer.

Despite Karel’s growing fame, he was on the very first transport to Terezin on November 24, 1941 - one of 342 young Jewish men sent to prepare the camp for large influxes of prisoners.

Karel brought a poetry anthology with him to inspire the other inmates. Soon after arriving at Terezin, he created a cabaret to entertain the inmates. The variety shows featured music and comedy, including stand-up, improv and subversive satire. The Nazis allowed these shows as a way to keep the inmates from making trouble.

The cabaret was held in an attic, and hundreds of inmates showed up to each performance. The first show was called The Lost Food Card. The finale was the catchy song “The Terezin March” which became the unofficial anthem of the camp and expressed the pain of the present and hope for the future.

Karel wrote, produced and starred in several cabaret shows during his 3 years at Terezin, including Long Live Life, or Dance Around a Skeleton, and The Same But Different.

On October 1, 1944, he was among hundreds of people sent to Auschwitz, and from there to Meuselwitz, a slave labor camp.

A survivor remembered, “I was with Karel Schwenk in Meuselwitz. Many had only rags on their feet. Nobody had warm clothes for protection from the piercing cold. And we were working with steel sheets… We collected bread as much as we could, and persuaded Schwenk to sing, ‘Where there’s a will there’s a way… On the ruins of the ghetto we will laugh!’ Schwenk was waning before our eyes. It was his last entrance. His song meant more to us than bread.”

After three years of using every last shred of strength to lift the spirits of those around him, Karel was a broken man. A close friend and fellow actor who was in the slave labor camp with him wrote that Schwenk, “a man who was so immensely popular… overwhelmingly interesting… a legendary person… now bears hunger with difficulty and above all he is freezing during work that is too hard for him. He is quarrelsome, hysterical and rather unpopular.”

Karel was among the prisoners sent on a death march in April 1945 after the Nazis evacuated the camp as the Allied armies grew closer.

In April 1945, as the Allied armies approached Meuselwitz, the Nazis sent Karel and other prisoners on a death march. Karel was so weakened that he could not keep up with the marchers. His friends left him in a barn, covered in straw to warm his emaciated body. He died there alone, just a few weeks before the war in Europe ended.

For bringing music and laughter to hell on earth, we honor Karel Schwenk as this week’s Thursday Hero.

[verdantdesert]

TAGGED BY: stolen from @hammurabicomplex

TAGGING: anyone who wants!

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

NAME -  Selena Begaye Ruiz (”Laney”)

EYE COLOUR -  Dark brown

HAIR STYLE / COLOUR -  Black, long and straight. She usually wears it down, but sometimes braided, in a ponytail, etc. When she’s dressing up for a special occasion, she’ll put her hair in a tsiiyéeł, a traditional Navajo bun hairstyle.

HEIGHT -  4′11″, aka smol af

CLOTHING STYLE -  Varies greatly from day to day, from trendy blouses and tunics to drug rugs (a lot of drug rugs), but generally prefers comfortable and relatively practical clothing. She favors a traditional skirt, blouse, concho belt, and set of turquoise jewelry for formal events.

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE -  Her entire face when she smiles, she’s just adorable tbh.

LAYER TWO : THE INSIDE

FEARS -  Losing her loved ones, either to death or to turning out to be monsters (looking @ you, Gus). She also has a deep fear of failure and disappointing others (gifted child burnout syndrome, can i get an amen), which she copes with by just not trying. Finally, she swears up and down that she saw (and heard, and smelled) the Mogollon Monster once while visiting friends in Arizona and smoking in the desert and that it Totally Wasn’t Just A Bad Trip, Guys- she’s scared shitless to this day. 

GUILTY PLEASURE -  Weed, Los Pollos Hermanos fried chicken, and attention.

BIGGEST PET PEEVE -  People shit-talking those she cares for, regardless of whether or not such comments are true.

AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE -  Laney is not particularly ambitious, but is a fairly relaxed, go-with-the-flow type of person who could find happiness in any number of careers, although she has been advised by many people to pursue stand-up comedy. In terms of immediate goals, however, she wants to find her missing cousin.

LAYER THREE : THOUGHTS

FIRST THOUGHTS UPON WAKING UP : “ugh, I don’t wanna get uppppppp”

WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MOST :  Honestly, probably memes, along with her loved ones, food, and dogs.

WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED :  The homework and lifestyle changes she’s put off doing out of stress and executive dysfunction, the fact that people she cares about seem to be dropping like flies, the catastrophic plane crash, the sense that something horrible is happening that she can’t figure out... (hence why she smokes before bed)

WHAT YOUR BEST QUALITY IS :  Her wit, charm, and easy-going lightheartedness. Sometimes when you’re surrounded by trauma and tragedy, a good laugh can make a world of difference.

LAYER FOUR : WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES -  Group, one-on-one is too intimate and vulnerable.

TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED -  Loved. Laney brands herself as a clown, and she’s perfectly content with that. There’s power, and more importantly security, in being the “funny one” who is always underestimated and overlooked.

BEAUTY OR BRAINS -  Brains, actually; she has both, but as a young teenager and habitual jokester, intelligence is much more useful to her.

DOGS OR CATS -  D O G S. She refers to Rico, her Chorgi, as her son.

LAYER FIVE : DO YOU…

LIE -  What teenaged stoner doesn’t?

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF -  Too much, at times.

BELIEVE IN LOVE -  Definitely.

WANT SOMEONE -  Not intensely, but somewhat. She’s got more important concerns at the moment.

LAYER SIX : EVER BEEN …

BEEN ON STAGE :  For her school’s improv club, and for her middle school graduation.

DONE DRUGS :  Done, does, and will continue to do.

CHANGED WHO YOU WERE TO FIT IN :  Yeah :(

LAYER SEVEN : FAVORITES

FAVOURITE COLOR -  Green

FAVOURITE ANIMAL -  Coyotes, wolves, and dogs.

FAVOURITE MOVIE -  Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure  

FAVOURITE GAME -  EarthBound

LAYER EIGHT : AGE

DAY YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE -  in-universe, July 29th 2009 or 2010.

HOW OLD WILL YOU BE -  Fifteen or sixteen, respectively.

AGE YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY -  Not answering this one since she’s a kid.

DOES AGE MATTER -  Absolutely; Laney is a teenager who has age-appropriate dumb moments, but she’s self-aware enough to recognize that and that she still has a lot of growing up to do.

LAYER NINE : IN A PERSON

BEST PERSONALITY -  Chill/laid-back, not clingy, willing to let her keep her emotional distance, and funny.

BEST EYE COLOUR -  Brown

BEST HAIR COLOUR -  Any, although she particularly admires boldly dyed hair.

BEST THING TO DO WITH A PARTNER -  Smoke a bowl, eat junk food, pet Rico, and watch a movie.

LAYER TEN : FINISH THE SENTENCE

I LOVE -  “Rico. And my friends, and my old coworkers and boss, and my family- wait, Rico already is my family-”

I FEEL -  “...I don’t know, hungry I guess?”

I HIDE -  “anything deep or serious, so like, basically everything that actually matters to me nowadays, LMAO. And, you know, my bong.”

I MISS -  “Gus, Victor, and my mom. My childhood innocence, really.”

I WISH -  “I could’ve said goodbye.”

[missjanjie]

Branjie Fic - Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer (2/?)

Title: Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer Summary: Brooke Lynn is a graduate student anxiously embracing her new position as her favorite dance professors’ new TA. Vanessa is a sophomore dance major who just might make her way into being more than the teacher(assistant)’s pet. (lesbian/university AU) Word Count: ~2.4k (this chapter)/~5k (total) Relationship: Branjie (Vanessa ‘Vanjie’ Mateo/Brooke Lynn Hytes) Rating: T Note(s): rating is subject to change, this is based on the story so far

Read on AO3 | Ch. 1 

While it is called the ‘fall semester’, classes always start during the summer, often at the end of August. This gave way for heatwaves hitting in the middle of the week, especially in densely-packed places like New York City. No one talks about this time of year in the city that never sleeps – it is devoid of the awe and whimsy that so often surrounded it in media. Artists don’t wax poetic about days like this, where the air is thick and hazy and smells of sweat and melting garbage. Where, despite it being the lunch rush, the streets were scare, and everyone is hiding in the comfort of air conditioning or high-powered fans.

Cut to the graduate student residence hall – more specifically, Brooke’s apartment. There, she and Nina sat on the floor in sports bras and shorts, drinking glass after glass of ice water and being eternally grateful that the a/c had been fixed just before the start of the semester. Nina looked on as Brooke stared catatonically at the ceiling and nudged her leg with her foot to get her attention. “I don’t think I’ve ever had to say this to anyone but myself, but I think you’re being overdramatic,” she told her.

“I’m not!” Brooke sighed in exasperation. “It’s only day two of the school year and I’ve already kissed a student. I couldn’t manage a full twenty-four hours on campus without jeopardizing everything,” she groaned, now laying on the floor. “It wasn’t even a cute cheek kiss, I almost slipped her tongue, Nina!”

Nina didn’t mean to laugh, trying to cover her mouth when she snorted. “What exactly do you think is going to happen? That she’s gonna tell Katya? That Katya’s gonna fire you?” she didn’t let her answer before she continued, “I don’t think you’re actually afraid of getting in trouble. I think you’re afraid of catching feelings for this girl.”

“Thanks for the insight, Dr. Phil,” Brooke huffed and pushed herself back into a sitting position. “Look, just because she’s beautiful, funny, and kissing her made me feel like glitter was exploding inside of me, doesn’t mean I’m about to fall for her.”

Nina stared at her blankly, hardly able to believe the level of denial she was stuck in. “Do you hear yourself? Because you sound ridiculous.” She swung her legs over to the side so she could shift and look at her. “You know it isn’t the end of the world to have a crush on someone, right? It’s a thing that happens to most of us humans every now and then.”

Brooke groaned and buried her head in her hands. “But why did it have to hit me now?” she couldn’t help but wonder, if it was in another time and place, would she be this stressed over the encounter? She supposed it was possible that she would try to find another excuse, or maybe she’d be in Vanessa’s bed instead.

“Because sometimes life is an asshole that takes its joy in screwing with you, and you just have to tough it out. That’s how I got into comedy,” doing improv and stand-up had become Nina’s way of coping, and Brooke’s way of coping was…not.

And she couldn’t counter her point either, leaving her pouting and looking at the floor. “So, what am I supposed to do in class tomorrow?”

Nina shrugged. “Just try not to make a big deal of things, it’ll just be business as usual. I’m sure she’s just as nervous and confused as you are.”

“She wants me,” Vanessa said to her friends. They were all sat in the dining hall during lunch, the group having just listened with interest as she recounted the events of the day before.

“You sound real confident about someone that deadass ran away from you,” A’keria retorted, pointing her fork at her as she spoke.

Vanessa shook her head, swallowing the food in her mouth before speaking. “Nah it wasn’t a ‘running away’ moment. She just got cold feet, I ain’t taking it personally,” she sat upright with a smug grin, proving a sincerity in her belief.

“So, what are you gonna do next? Like in class?” she furrowed her brows.

That was when she realized she hadn’t actually planned ahead, which was never her strength in the first place. While it was often a hindrance academically, she usually enjoyed the spontaneity that came with potential budding romances. But with Brooke? She might have to take another approach. “Gotta play the long game, babe.”

“The long game?” Blair chimed in. While she had a girlfriend, she was endlessly interested in her and A’keria’s dating lives – especially comparing and contrasting the two. They were both extroverts that thrived at a good party or club and were openly flirtatious with whoever caught their eye. The difference, perhaps, was the number of girls that caught their respective eyes – A’keria didn’t like leaving any outing empty-handed, while Vanessa had the tendency to pick and choose, even when drunk beyond belief.

Vanessa clicked her tongue and smirked. “She ain’t just gonna get with me overnight – you gotta finesse that shit when you’re aiming for, you know, a lady of Brooke Lynn’s caliber.”

“As opposed to us hoes?” A’keria arched her brow.

“Exactly, bitch!” Vanessa laughed.

“I think it’s sweet,” Blair hummed. “You’re changing your major to Brooke!” she said to a pair of blank stares. “Fun Home? Seriously? God, I waste my best musical theatre material on you guys,” she huffed.

Even though Vanessa didn’t understand the joke, she understood what Blair was getting at. Out of curiosity, she looked up the song she’d referenced, listening to it on her walk to class. “Oh, I get it now. That was clever,” she said to herself before she sat down in the lecture hall.

The class was about half full when she arrived, students filing in for the next five minutes or so. At one point, a girl took the seat next to her. She sat poised and upright – Vanessa wondered if she was a dancer too. “Nice bling you got there,” she told her, gesturing to the large earrings that stood out against her shaved head.

“Thanks,” she replied, casually looking her over. “I’m Yvie.”

“Vanjie.”

She quirked her brow. “Is that your given name?”

“No, it’s Vanessa. But that’s what I go by,” she replied, rifling through her bag and humming quietly to herself as she took what she needed out.

Yvie nodded in understanding, looking forward and scribbling aimlessly along the margins of her notebook paper. “So, what’s your major?”

“Brooke.”

“What?”

Vanessa’s eyes widened and she shrunk down, momentarily considering walking right out of the class and calling it a day. “Dance! I-I meant to say dance,” she sputtered out. Oh, she was going to get Blair later. It was her damn fault bringing up that musical.

“I’m not even gonna ask, girl,” Yvie shook her head. It was more out of sympathy, seeing how embarrassed she was, than an actual lack of interest. Frankly, she was much more tempted to press for more information, but then the professor called attention to the front of the class, and the various conversations died down, much to Vanessa’s relief.

Wednesday morning, on its own, seemed to promise a better day. The heatwave had passed, and the city was bustling with its usual energy. Even in the dance studio, Katya was the first one to arrive, which gave Brooke – who came in next – one less thing to worry about. She decided not to tell her about the kiss, lest she be subjected to an ‘I told you so’, making her hope all the more that the class would go by without incident.

Brooke scanned the room as each student entered, trying to make it seem like she was paying every one of them the same amount of attention. But then Vanessa walked in and suddenly no one else existed. This time she had on shorts and a tank top, and her hair was tied into a neat bun, and Brooke was able to study her for a good couple moments before their eyes met.

“Morning, Brooke,” Vanessa still seemed happy to see her, but her tone was calmer, more controlled. It was the same tone she had when she comforted her in Starbucks, and it brought on the same sense of ease it had then.

It baffled her, when she thought about it. Brooke’s emotions were so easily swayed – Vanessa could get her riled up and calmed down within the same conversation. That sort of thing might bother others, but it had something of an addictive quality to it. She wanted to get to know her more, to get another hit of her energy. “Good to see you, Vanjie,” she replied. And she meant it, truly.

After Brooke took attendance, Katya stood at the front of the class to begin the lecture. “Today we’re going to work on having to work with a partner. I know you guys touched on some dances last year, so we’re going to build off of that. I’m just going to go down the line and pair everyone up,” she paired up everyone as she walked across the studio, until she got down to the last three girls. “Looks like we’ve got an odd number today.”

One girl shrugged. “It’s fine, we can work in a gr—”

“No, no that just work,” she looked at the three girls, making it seem like she was really thinking about it. “You two pair up. Vanjie, you can work with Brooke,” she announced, actively refusing to acknowledge the way Brooke was staring her down.

The devil works hard, but Katya works harder, Brooke thought as she got up and went to sit by her new dance partner. She tuned out while Katya explained what dance steps they’d be doing – she had gone through all of this before and knew it by heart – especially considering how many times she had gone over the lesson plans. Instead, she took that time to remind herself to stay calm, that the only reaction she should have is no reaction at all.

“You ever tango before?” Brooke asked as she, Vanessa, and everyone else got to their feet.

“You heard her, we did this last year,” Vanessa shrugged as a simple tango tune filled the room from the speaker Katya hooked up to her laptop.

And each set of partners assumed the starting position – one hand on the other’s shoulder and the others clasped together out to the side. Some students were counting the steps out loud, while others were doing turns and back cortes.

Unsurprisingly, Vanessa was on the more advanced end of the spectrum, demonstrated both by her skill and her desire to take control. “Why can’t you let me lead?” she huffed.

“Grow six inches and we’ll talk,” Brooke retorted, dipping her in time with the music, earning her a scowl from the shorter girl, but she only found it as cute as her smile. Almost as if to further flaunt her size advantage, she moved her arm around Vanessa’s waist, lifting her up for a twirl.

But Vanessa was quick on her feet. She landed and wrapped a leg around her waist, and Brooke put a hand on her thigh and pulled her close. Another dip, and back up. As the music died down, they came to a stop, breathing heavily, close enough for their breath to hit each other’s faces.

“Now that’s a tango, ladies!” Katya had apparently been going from pair to pair, coaching and critiquing, not that this pair would’ve noticed. “I call it The Tango: Branjie!” she said with jazz hands for flourish. “Get it? Because, you know, you—and she—" she looked around at the stone-faced class. “Damn, tough crowd. Class dismissed,” she shrugged and walked to turn off her laptop.

“For the record,” Brooke said as she set Vanessa down and took a few cautious steps back, “as the student, I think you should get the credit. It’s called The Tango: Vanjie now,” she turned to gather her things, but Vanessa didn’t budge.

“I like the ring that has to it, but I ain’t leaving til we talk about that kiss,” she stood firmly, hands on her hips and head held high, only to cock a bit to the side as her pursed lips twitched to a smirk. “Or til I get another one.”

So that was how it was going to be. Brooke was impressed by Vanessa’s boldness, and perhaps a bit aroused. She gently placed her fingers under her chin, tilting her head up and pressing a kiss to her lips. “Goodbye, Vanjie,” she whispered sweetly, tapping her cheek lightly before sending her on her way. It was when she stood back up and turned to pick her bag up that she let out a frustrated groan. “Fuck, you’re still here.”

Katya was bouncing on the balls of her feet with a cheshire grin. “This is the best moment of my fucking career, bitch,” she ran over to Brooke and grabbed her hands, jumping up and down. “You guys are gonna have such crazy sex!”

Brooke’s eyes widened and she clapped her hand over Katya’s mouth. “Not if you keep running your fucking mouth!” she hissed in a stage whisper. She waited a beat, then let her hand drop to the side. “I swear, if you breathe a word—”

“Would you turn the paranoia down for like, five minutes to realize no one’s out to get you for whatever happens between you and Vanjie?” Katya gripped on to Brooke’s shoulders. “I think you need to go home, have a drink and a smoke, and go rub one out. You’ve got plenty of new material, now,” she bumped her elbow into her side.

Brooke exhaled and shook her head. “I’m gonna kill you,” she muttered before stepping out of the studio. She had only taken a couple steps towards the exit when she paused and turned around. Of course.

“So,” Vanessa pushed herself off the wall and took a half-step towards Brooke. “You off to follow Professor Katya’s advice?” she asked with the same type of grin the aforementioned woman had.

“No,” Brooke scoffed and tossed her hair off her shoulder. She waited until she saw something of a disappointed look on her face before adding “I’ve been trying to quit smoking,” she bit her lip and winked before turning on her heel and walking out of the building.

Vanessa was left stunned, but well-affected, nonetheless. “Just keep playing the long game, Vanjie. She’ll come around.”

[ssfoc]

Hi, I'm getting worried. I'm 32y/o and I don't have a boyfriend about 2years. What is wrong? What should I do differently? I really want a partner to share my life with.

Hi darling!

Oh gosh. I’m sending you a ton of love 💕

I know it’s easy to fall into bad feelings when you really want to share your life with someone. Sometimes we blame ourselves. Sometimes we envy others.

I think that most people want to find someone that understands them and makes them happy, makes them feel understood and seen.

But it’s important to take care of yourself first. See yourself first. Understand yourself first.

Make sure you’re eating things that take care of your body. Feeling healthy will improve your mood.

Make sure you indulge in small luxuries! Get Netflix or Hulu. Ask friends to do day hikes, join a fun gym where you can spend 20 minutes doing boxing or weights. Walk in nature. Buy good cologne. Invest in a good blender so you can make smoothies. Chia seeds, good yogurt, pomegranate, avocado, turmeric, ginger, cinnamon, essential oils— all these things help me.

Make good, real food. Keep grilled chicken or tofu and spinach in your fridge, and you’ll always have a good meal.

Go to book signings and talks. Go to a comedy club. Join a craft club, a book club, take art lessons, join groups at the local library for topics that interest you.

Travel by yourself. Save up money and go spend three days in a place you’ve always wanted to go. Don’t overthink it and just go.

Send out love. Do kind things for no reason at all. Pay for someone’s meal or subway ticket. Help someone get something from a high shelf at the grocery store. Give a generous tip.

When you’re happy with yourself, your happiness will be contagious— but more important, you’ll be happy.

And then you’ll see, life is full of opportunities to meet good people. There is always a second chance. It’s not you. You can’t control other people, and it’s not you. You won’t run out of time. You’ll find answers to your questions yourself, if you give yourself a chance.

Good luck. I love you.

[thedeevirus]

Can you write Oswald’s thoughts after finding Ed and Lee bleeding out in the Narrows? I imagine him just rolling his eyes and telling his henchpeople to take ‘em back to the mansion.

Thanks for the ask! It’s slightly different than you requested but I hope you enjoy it :)

My contribution for @summerofgotham Week One: Roommates

Also added to Nygmobblepot Ficlet Collection on AO3

***

‘You’re the latest addition to Gotham’s prestigious ‘Resurrection Club’,Oswald commented, ‘It seems they’ll let anyone in these days’.

 Ed stirred slightly, the blankets feeling almost impossibly heavy on hissweat soaked frame. He gasped as a pain lanced up from the pit of his stomachmaking him instinctively curl in on himself. He blinked blearily, eyes wateringdespite the dim light of the room.

Despite his physical discomfort, the mattress beneath him felt soft and as he inchedupwards to see more of his surroundings, he realised he was wearing silk pyjamas.Beside his bed, Oswald was reclining in a large armchair, flicking though anewspaper. Ed squinted, trying to make out the date on the front page. Oswald,noticing Ed’s attempt, handed him his glasses as he folded the paper down.

 ‘Where-?’ Ed croaked.

‘My base. When? About a week ago’, Oswald recited, flicking up a fingerto count each question, ‘How? My informant found you lying in The Narrows. Why? Goodquestion considering what you pulled at that bank’.

Ed raised an eyebrow at Oswald’s annoyed tone.

‘That was nothing personal and you know it’, Ed said, swallowing hard totry and dispel the thirsty ache in his throat ‘Especially since you were goingto rob us’.

‘It was inconvenient and embarrassing’, Oswald corrected, ‘Still, nice tosee your sense of sarcasm survived intact’.

‘I suppose you want an apology?’ Ed asked, weighing up whether he shouldtry and sit up or not.

He knew why his stomach hurt: his photographic memory had meticulously recordedevery detail of he and Lee’s supposedly fatal interaction but dealing with theeffects was another matter entirely. Ed had never been good with physical discomfort.

‘I want you to admit you were wrong’, Oswald said.

‘You literally defied the laws of nature just so you could say ‘I toldyou so’?’

Oswald shrugged and Ed sighed, ‘Of course you did’.

‘And to show you how Lee would literally rather die than be with you. Iknow they talk about ‘not if you were the last guy on Earth’ but-‘

‘Where is she?’ Ed interjected.

‘Why do you ask?’ Oswald asked airily, eyes narrowing.

‘Is she alright?’ Ed asked, keeping his tone calm despite theambivalence he felt at even asking the question.

He wasn’t sure why he cared whether Lee was alright. She had tried to kill him!He had tried to kill her! He had failed so he should want her dead now. But…becauseshe had outwitted him and caught him by surprise technically she was the victorand was therefore untouchable. She beat him fair and square. No. That wasn’tright. She had cheated! Used his weaker half’s feelings for her and manipulatedhim but he had known that and let her do it and-Ed gasped as pain lanced through his head.Too many questions to deal with right now.

‘Jim Gordon will look after her I’m sure’, Oswald said unconcernedly, ‘She’snot our problem any more’.

Oswald’s use of the word ‘our’ caught Ed’s attention.

‘You saved both of us’, he said.

‘Technically Hugo Strange did’, Oswald said with a resentful grimace, ‘And not for cheap’.

‘Why both of us?’ Ed asked.

‘Delivering Lee to Blueboys’ HQ unharmed bought me seven sets of swatteam gear and an armoured van. She was literally more valuable to me alive’.

‘Blueboys?’

‘Quaint isn’t it?’ Oswald said patronisingly, ‘They’re the group formally knownas the GCPD. Do you disapprove?’

‘Of the GCPD’s new nom de guerre?’

‘No’, Oswald said pointedly, slightly irritated by Ed playing dumb, ‘Of bringing the good Doctor back?’

Ed considered for a moment. He pretended to pick at the patterned bedspreadbut was actually analysing Oswald’s expression out of the corner of his eye.

Oswald watched Ed carefully. As part of their agreement he had promised Jimhe would keep Ed away from Lee. The arrangement suited Oswald just fine. Thewoman’s relationship with Ed had been a disaster from start to finish. It had alwaysbaffled Oswald how Ed could be either a moth or a flame from one minute to thenext. He was his own worst enemy but Oswald’s best friend. So, if Ed decided togo chasing after Lee in the name of revenge, Oswald was honour bound to stophim. To save Ed from himself. Oswald just didn’t fancy saving him from aplethora of GCPD guns led by Lee’s ex-boyfriend with a grudge.

‘She got me fair and square’, Ed finally said, ‘It would be petty andchildish to hold it against her. Even if she used me, got what she wanted thenstabbed me in the stomach’.

Oswald laughed. Ed was about to retort when he began to cough, his fatigue and dehydrationfinal catching up with him.

‘Unprovoked?’ Oswald pressed, head titled, ‘Come on, I know you Ed. Leeprobably just beat you to the punch. Or nearest weapon in this case’.

He offered Ed a glass of water. Ed drank carefully but deeply, savouringthe refreshing cold liquid gliding down his throat.

‘Feeling more clear headed now?’ Oswald asked, taking the half emptyglass away when Ed had finished.

‘Actually, yes’, Ed said with some surprise.

He hadn’t felt such clarity since before Oswald had cryogenically frozen him:as a minor test he answered three riddles in his head, recited Pi to sevenplaces and named each bone in the upper half of the human body from the top ofhis skull down.

‘I took the liberty of asking Hugo Strange to ‘upgrade your hard drive’so to speak’, Oswald explained, ‘It’s my fault you’ve been making such bad choices since you were defrosted’.

‘You mean…I’m truly ‘me’ again?’ Ed asked, hardly daring to hope.

‘Cleared out the last of the cobwebs’, Oswald affirmed, ‘You’re operatingat maximum efficiency again’.

Ed’s smile soured as he remembered the previous results of Strange’s ‘upgrades’. The negatives usually far outweighed the benefits.

‘Is that the only…improvement I should expect?’ he asked, suddenlywishing for a reflective surface.

‘It’s the only one you needed’, Oswald said, patting the bed placatinglyas he picked up on Ed’s misgivings, ‘Removing that ‘lovesickness’ out of yoursystem was child’s play for him.  A littleattempted murder really helps you get over a nasty breakup doesn’t it?’

‘You should know’, Ed said sardonically.

Oswald’s brow furrowed at the jab and he folded his arms.

‘Funny how you didn’t seem to have any problem moving on from the previous loveof your life when Lee came along’.

 ‘And you seem to be having the opposite problem’.

 Oswald sputtered as he searched for a suitably witty rebuttal but haltedwhen Ed held up a hand.

‘Even after everything you still saved me’, Ed said seriously, ‘Thankyou’.

Oswald’s cheeks coloured and he waved a hand dismissively.

‘You would have done the same for me. Oh! That reminds me..’

Ed looked at Oswald quizzically as Oswald cleared his throat.

‘To be honest’, Oswald began in the same conversational tone as a stand-upcomedian, ‘I expected Lee to stab you in the back but give the woman credit, atleast she had the integrity to betray you to your face. I would say I dodged abullet in the past but you definitely didn’t dodge that kn-‘

‘This is why you woke me up isn’t it?’ Ed groaned, ‘Because I can’t fightback. How many of these do you have?’

‘Oh, I’ve been saving them up’, Oswald grinned, ‘Ever since I heardabout your little comedy act about me in the Narrows. Jerome was right about one thing: the secret truly is ‘timing’’.

Ed tried to sit up but fell back instantly with a cry of pain. He inhaleddeeply and slowly until the stabbing sensations in his stomach faded, He couldfeel a bandage around his middle rub against the soft fabric of his pyjamas.

‘You should have left the knife in’, Oswald observed, ‘Strange couldhave fixed you in half the time if he hadn’t needed to repair the internal organs’.

‘Thanks for the tip’, Ed grunted, sitting up slower this time with moresuccess.

‘I’m no forensic expert but I know a bit about stabbing people’, Oswald said, ‘Ifyou were aspiring to be Romeo and Juliet, I’m pretty sure they didn’t kill eachother’.

‘Speaking of killing each other’, Ed said, changing the subject beforeOswald could resume his routine, ‘You seem chipper for someone trapped in alawless hellhole. Judging from the architecture, we seem to be squatting inCity Hall which leads me to assume Jerome’s plan came to fruition’.

‘Correct’, Oswald said appraisingly as he looked up into the highceiling of the domed room they were in, ‘Except for one thing. I’m not trapped.It’s my natural environment’.

‘Quite the nest you’ve chosen’.

‘Cosy isn’t it? I’m already having a room prepared for you don’t worry’.

‘Where have you been sleeping if I’ve been in your bed?’

‘The couch’, Oswald said indicating a plush looking sofa in the cornerof the room with a pillow sitting neatly atop a folded blanket, ‘I figured itwas my turn’.

Ed realised Oswald was referring to when he had been staying in Ed’sapartment and felt a pang of nostalgic melancholy. Things had been simplerthen. Their friendship had evolved so easily. So naturally that Ed had oftenwondered if Penguin had been manipulating him somehow. Abusing Ed’s kindnessand willingness to help him only to bite him later like the old story of the farmerand the viper. Ed gave a humourless laugh. For a self-professed genius he seemedto be making a habit of being wrong.Had Oswald been watching over him while he recovered?

‘That was a long time ago’, Ed said, marvelling at how the tables hadturned.

‘It feels longer than it was’, Oswald said, blinking hard, ‘It’ll benice to have some intelligent conversation for a change. Just like old times’.

‘That reminds me: where’s Butch?’

‘Dead’, Oswald said dispassionately, ‘And I’ve made sure it’ll stick this time’.

Ed saw the relish in Oswald’s eyes despite his neutral expression andput two and two together.

‘And you left Tabitha alive’, Ed said, smiling reminiscently, ‘To live with it.Just like you said you would one day’.

‘You remembered’, Oswald grinned.

‘I’m sorry I missed it’, Ed said.

‘There’ll be other chances’, Oswald said gratifyingly as he rose from hischair, ‘Now, shall we get down to business? Unless of course, you havesomewhere else to be’.

Ed didn’t have to think about his answer.

‘There’s nowhere I’d rather be, Roomie’, he said.

Oswald walked around the bed and pulled on a tassel that Ed had presumedwas simply decoration.

‘Good answer’, Oswald said, as a curtain fell away and light rushed into theroom.

Ed’s bed was beside a large window. Looking through it, Ed could seeinto the entrance hall of the building. People, all bearing hoodedjackets with a penguin in profile on the back, were moving boxes around as a steadystream of them were brought in through City Hall’s large doors. Some men hadclipboards, making notes and directing other people carrying various boxes andbags. Ed could see labelled boxes of cigars, weapons crates and alcohol sittingbeside boxes of more mundane utilities like baby formula, first aid kits,toilet paper. It was as if one half of City Hall was a market for mercenariesand the other a supermarket for the members of the public.

And Oswald could charge whatever he wanted for all of it. Any of it he chose tooffer for sale that is.

Ed looked up at Oswald only to see Oswald was offering him something. Ablack bowler hat decorated with black sequins.

‘Because I’m going to need a master of ceremonies’, Oswald said, ‘For myauctions’.

Ed accepted the hat and tried it on. He sighed as it fit perfectly,feeling more and more like himself with every moment. Every moment with Oswald.

‘Sold’, Ed pronounced, tipping the hat to his partner in crime.

[vacationimpossible]

Time Poor

I’m Time Poor. I’ve got so many things on the go and not enough time for all of them. Boredom and I are not well acquainted. I mean sure I can be bored when I’m someplace I don’t want to be and nothing interesting is happening but whenever I have a modicum of control over what I’m doing I’m swamped with options.

That’s why vacations like cruises and road trips really are ideal for me. Someplace where I don’t have access to the internet. It forces me not to be busy. Forces me to take time, reflect, and move at a slower pace. It’s probably essential to my well being at this point.

I’ve got Vacation Impossible and all of it’s various social media entities from YouTube to this blog. I also run a Facebook group of over 45,000 small youtubers, I’m working on a second YouTube channel in support of that called Small YouTubers Boost, I have a day job, I have a family, and at the end of all of that I also have hobbies and interests.

Some things you structurally make time for, like going to your day job when you’re supposed to and eating dinner. But that unstructured time you can lose down a rabbit hole very quickly and without even noticing. I’m not complaining, I enjoy my different endeavours and it’s nice to be able to help people and be someone others look to for guidance but every now and then you need to turn that upside down. Put relaxing, fun, and other interests first.

Vacations are great for that. You can argue that social media can be toxic and constant connectivity can be a leash but whether you believe that or not getting away from it all and doing something a different way can be healthy.

Sleeping in, not being busy every minute of every day, not being responsible for others – just taking and having time, can be restorative.

On a cruise ship I don’t have to be responsible for others. They know where the food is, where the shows are…there’s a multitude of entertainment options all easily located, reached, and enjoyed. It takes the pressure off. I can lay in bed all day if I want – or better yet, on a balcony. I can spend all night watching every show in the comedy club or singing away the evening in the piano bar and the opportunity cost of spending that time how I like is very low. My YouTube channels, Facebook group, and social media will all have to get by without me for a time, and that’s healthy for them as well. I couldn’t be more responsible if I tried so I might as well relax guilt-free.

But what if you can’t travel often? In 2016 I was blessed to be able to take 6 cruises, the equivalent of a Trip-Of-A-Lifetime every other month. Many folks don’t have that option – although on our YouTube channel and here in this blog we try to help. Making time for yourself is hard when other people depend on you or you have a side hustle. You know you could be putting in effort at pretty much any time to improve those projects or the lives of the people who depend on you. It can be hard to justify taking time for yourself.

One free option is podcasts. Pick one to three (may I recommend the Vacation Impossible podcast?) and subscribe to them and when a new episode comes out make the time to just sit or lay down and listen. Multitask with a simple game if you want but nothing too complex. Force yourself to take a break from your responsibilities and just relax for a time. Give your body and your mind an important break.

[thegirlwhocouldntsitdown-blog]

12 months - I have lived in Los Angeles for A WHOLE YEAR?! (16.08.2018)

One year. Wow.

A year ago today, I left my family and 3 of my best friends at the airport and said goodbye, not knowing how long it would be until I saw them again.

I am incredibly lucky to have seen some of them in the time that I’ve been here - I can’t believe I have such incredible people in my life who love me enough to come all the way here and give me some cuddles. Those people truly don’t know how much that has impacted my time here. In certain moments, it’s been so goddamn difficult to be away from Melbourne. The food is better, the air is cleaner, the healthcare is FREE and GOOD, we have TRAMS AND TRAINS EVERYWHERE(!!!), my house has a BACK YARD, I lived 30 minutes from EVERYTHING. I never understood how lucky I was to grow up in the worlds most liveable city (apparently we were overthrown this week - not happy, Jan).

Honestly, I get when people from the U.S ask me “Why would you move here?! Australia is so much better!” They’re right. But, I cannot thank the people I’ve met here enough either. It turns out, being in a place doesn’t matter - it’s the people you meet there. I think I knew that to an extent, but knowing the amazing human beings I know is the best thing about my life. Both in LA and in Melbourne, I have communities of such immensely supportive, determined, understanding, encouraging, KIND KIND KIND friends and family. Lots of people tell me they could never move away from home like I have, and I absolutely get that. I really don’t think I could have if not for my loved ones - because I am who they’ve made me.

If not for their strength and guidance, I would have no one to tell me to keep trying. If not for their positivity and resilience, I would probably be hiding in bed. If not for their perseverance and diligence, I would probably break down every 10 minutes. Granted, I have done all of those things at certain times in my life - both in Melbourne and LA - but my family and friends are the reason I haven’t let those moments solidify me in a state of bitterness and stillness. They keep me moving, trying/failing/getting up again, believing in myself.

In the last month, I have had not a great time. I still haven’t found a job to keep me here and grant me an E3 visa. I have found out some pretty troubling information about my health (explained in the “Pain” section). I have found myself forgetting who I am and why I’m here. But these people - my friends at home who I haven’t seen in a whole year, my family who I talk to every day, my community of new and old pals here in LA - have reminded me that I am capable, I am smart and I am kind. These are three things that cannot be said about everyone, and holding on to them has made me feel a lot better about whatever may come in the future.

So, over the past month I’ve had a lot of lovely moments amidst the scary ones.

The Spy Who Dumped Me came out in cinemas. My name was on the screen in the credits and it was a big moment. I was so lucky to have my beautiful pals Kelsey, Shannon, Savannah and Nathalie with me to share that moment. Below is the cake from the release party, and me dressed as an “Australian tourist” in the movie (go see it to undertand.

Disneyland boi.

Kelsey has been such an incredible friend to me for the last five years and this month has been especially challenging for me, and she has been so goddamn wonderful and kind. I love her a lot and this is her with a bloody OSCAR and then us having some bevs.

BEACH DAY WITH PALS! Molly and Josh are here, I LOVE MY IMPROV PALS!!!

I never go clubbing anymore, but my pals Jordy and Kristen asked us to come out with them to a 90′s night in Silverlake at a place called The Satellite and it was THE MOST I’VE EVER DANCED OR SWEATED EVER AND IT WAS THE MOST FUN I’VE EVER HAD IN A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE!

HANSON WAS PLAYING WHEN WE WALKED IN AND I SCREAMED AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. ALSO THEY HAD “SO FETCH” BALLOONS AND I STOLE ONE AND DANCED WITH IT ALL NIGHT, HEHE.

My sweet Joeboy McGee turned 24 and I feel so grateful to have spent the second birthday in 3 years with him (on his 22nd birthday we saw stand up in NYC and got fancy pasta, it was beautiful). I love you so much, Joey. Thank the universe (and your amazing parents) for bringing you to life.

Sweet angel Tiana joined Molly and I in LA for a few days and it was like a mini Heralayan Salt Lamps reunion. They’re both hilarious and intelligent goddesses and I’m so glad I know them.

And right now, you ask? Well, today is just a normal day. I went to the gym and am about to go do a shift at Massage Envy. I can’t believe it’s been a year, and I’m so grateful to be able to say I’m living in Los Angeles.

TRAVEL: 5/10

While I’ve been winding down from having so many people visiting, I’m also really anxious about the whole “when am I coming home?” thing. Basically, I can’t know when I come home until I do or don’t get a job. 

My visa ends at the end of September, so if by this time next month, I still don’t have a job, I’ll be coming home for 3-4 weeks to visit, then returning to LA until I run out of money/my lease is up (mid December). If that happens, then I’ll be back home until I can figure out a way to come back and continue working in film and television. If I DO find a job in the next month, however, I will have to come home for 2 weeks to get my visa reinstated, in which case I’ll be back to LA as soon as I can be, and then return home for Christmas/New Years/Elyse’s wedding in late December/early January.

Apart from that, I’ve been going to the beach a lot and trying to just enjoy being here. I have a nice tan!

PAIN: 2/10

At the eye appointment with my parents, after 6 hours of weird tests and scary waiting periods, I was asked to come back to do another scary test - nay, the SCARIEST test. I had to have an ERG (info here), which is basically a test to see if there’s something wrong with my retina. After that, it determined my eyes were aye okay (yay!) but something weird has still been happening. I am currently awaiting an MRI of the brain, because the specialist believes I have “pseudotumor cerebri” (info here) . Basically, they think there’s excess fluid on my brain which causes pressure on your optic nerve, causing your vision to change and excess headaches. I genuinely thought everyone got headaches every day and that my sinuses were just weird (which is true, they’re weird), but there may be something more serious going on. It’s not a life threatening condition, but if it’s severe enough, there can some times be draining of the brain needed and even sometimes surgery. My vision isn’t changing too much, the only reason I noticed the changes was because I was on the look out for them since starting my arthritis drug, Plaquenil - I stopped taking it in April because I noticed these vision changes from February.

I’m really scared because if the MRI doesn’t give us enough info, the doctor will have to order a spinal tap (no, not the mockumentary - although this news DID turn my anxiety “up to 11″). Now, I’ve had multiple epidurals and minor back surgery, so I’m not too afraid of a spinal tap, but I AM afraid of the fact that my insurance here runs out on the 30th of September. This may be a reason I have to come home and stay home, and that terrifies me beyond anything else. I don’t want to have my body turn on me again like it has with my arthritis and my back pain. I do so much to keep myself healthy and to give my body the rest it needs, but if I have to put my future on hold for my health, I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to handle that fact without becoming a miserable wreck. All I can do for now is hope it’s nothing too serious and I can get it sorted out soon. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me.

COMEDY: 7/10

This weekend Joey, Jordy and I will debut our threeprov improv team on a goddamn PARTY BUS for the LA Indie Improv Festival. I haven’t been writing at all for a very long time and that has been a big part of my recent slump, but in the last few days I’ve had a wave of ideas and energy come back to me and I really feel so excited to dig into something. I love making stuff.

On the downside, I have been extremely anxious about if I will be able to continue working here. I know that if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen, but for a while I’ve felt so so pessimistic and afraid of going home and not being able to continue towards my goals. All I’ve ever wanted to do since I knew what a joke was was be in comedy and work in TV - there’s nothing I love more (except my family, I know, I know). Yesterday, I had a meeting with a woman a friend set me up with. Both the woman and my friend who introduced us are both incredibly successful, kind, funny and passionate women. One of them said to me a few years ago:

“All you need to do to be a writer is two things: 1. Keep writing, don’t give up. 2. Don’t be a dick.”

Yesterday, in my conversation with her friend, she told me two things: “1. Stop worrying. 2. Be nice to people 3. Work fucking hard. 4. STOP. WORRYING”

It was the most relieving thing to be told by two different women, who are slightly older and wiser than me, who have been exactly where I am now, that I will be okay. They both believe in my ability and my personality and my work ethic, and that proves more than they realise it does. I have this incredible network of strong, generous, talented women around me - both here and in LA - who believe in me. So if these highly skilled and experienced people do, why shouldn’t I?

I’ll get there, even if a fucking visa or a few thousand health issues get in my way. It’s what I was born to do.

A year has passed and I’m a bit different, but I’m pretty much the same. The only difference may be that I know what I’m worth now. Oh, and I know how to grow string beans!

[cecilspeaks]

121 - A Story of Love and Horror, Part 1: “Barks”

The password is “mudwomb”. The username is “mudwomb”. The website is “mudwomb”. Where did the rest of the Internet go? Welcome to Night Vale.

I would like to tell you a story. It is a difficult story and I don’t know what it means, but it seems important to me to tell you. It is about two people and a terrible, impossible decision that they found themselves having to make. It concerns Frances Donaldson and Nazr al-Mujaheed.

But first, the community calendar. 

This Tuesday evening the Night Vale Football Boosters Club will hold their meeting at the Applebee’s that we’re all pretty sure was a Chili’s just yesterday, but now is an Applebee’s, and all records show it has always been an Applebee’s even though we remember it as a Chili’s. The subject of this week’s meeting will be the timing of football games, which all members agree are too long. “Hey, I like football as much as the next guy,” said Hannah Gutierrez, “but a whole sixty minutes of play? Plus all the breaks and starting and stopping? We're busy people. Football should take less time.” The Booster Club will be working on their new proposal to get games done in a tight 15, so everyone can get home to watch the newest episode of Stop Chef, in which a group of contestants compete to prevent a chef from cooking.

Wednesday is Love Day at Dark Owl Records. Owner Michelle Nguyen explained that after recent love-focused events, she wanted everyone to understand that love is a laughable concept. And she wanted to highlight its absurdity by selling albums with songs that ruthlessly mock love using subtle irony, like “I Will Always Love You” and “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”. My former radio intern Maureen, who was in the store too and was holding hands with Michelle, agreed that love is stupid, and funny. And fun and ridiculous, and all-encompassing and revitalizing. Then Michelle said, “What?” And Maureen said, “What?” And then they both got embarrassed and asked me to leave.

Thursday is the Safety Parade, which the Sheriff’s Secret Police hold each year in order to highlight safety. Of course, no one is allowed to march in or attend the parade for their own safety. As Secret Police Mascot, Barks Ennui, always says: “Woof woof! The biggest danger to you – is you! Woof woof.”

Friday is a meeting at town hall to discuss the problem of entrances to other universes, and the question of whether all of us even ended up in the right universe after that whole recent mixup. There will be light snacks as well as blood tests and surprise interrogations about our version of history, in order to trip up intruders from parallel universes. Attendance is mandatory.

This Saturday and Sunday, the Brown Stone Spire will be offering powerful gifts in exchange for great sacrifices. The larger the sacrifice, the more powerful the gift. For instance, if you give it a DVD you got for Christmas five years ago and have never even taken out of its shrink wrap, it’ll give you a well-worn copy of “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” that is missing its cover. But if you give it an offering of your own blood and fervent chanting, the copy of “Chamber of Secrets” it gives you will have an intact cover.

And finally, this Monday, Night Vale cinemas will be hosting a showing of that classic comedy caper, “The Grift of the Magi”, in which two con artists run scams in order to get one another Christmas gifts, only to find that they have accidentally each stolen the money from the other.

And now, a story of love – and horror.

Frances Donaldson runs the Antiques Mall in Old Time Night Vale. Long before she took on that job though, she developed an interest in time. As a child, she would stand still and consider that while she had not moved at all in space, something had changed. That she had grown just slightly older, her hair just slightly longer, and this without being able to see the movement at all. She liked to lie in bed and, through her window, watch planes pass very high in the sky. She liked to think about where they had taken off and where they might land. Objects fascinated her, because they too moved through time, on a different trajectory than her. Her bedroom lamp had existed, looking more or less like it was now, since before she was born, and could well exist after she had died. It wasn’t even aware, was too unable to move, and yet it joined her in this mad hurdle through time.

She found this terrifying, and she found this fascinating. And she found this delightful and she wanted it to stop. And she hoped it never stopped, and she felt all of these feelings equally and at once, and without contradiction. What use was there in worrying if all of what she felt about time did not exactly add up? She was too busy feeling it to consider what it meant. And so, of course, she became fascinated with antiques. These objects washed up from the crooked tides of time.

Nazr al-Mujaheed coaches the Night Vale High School football team. Go Scorpions. And this was almost the entirety of his world. He thought about football when he woke up, he thought about it on the drive to work. Of course he thought about it when he ran practices and had meetings with the assistant coaches, and he thought about it at night when he ate take-out dinners on his couch while watching football. This made him happy. And what makes a person happy, if it doesn’t harm another person and doesn’t harm themselves, is OK. Even if it’s not how anyone else would want to live.

But while it made him happy, Nazr was also aware that is more than one kind of happiness. And that perhaps this happiness he found in a life endlessly thinking about football, was less than the happiness he could find in a life with more things in it. This wasn’t about fixing a problem, this was an attempt to improve on a good situation. This was his play for some sort of grace. Other people he knew could provide an outside perspective, and perhaps allow him to be less focused on his work and on the game he coached. And so he decided he would try dating. Without expectations, without a plan, just as a way to see what the world might have for him.

And now, a word from our sponsors.

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There was no great epiphany for Frances that led to her dating life. She had been on the dating app, Void, since it had become available in Night Vale, and had gone on a few casual Void dates. It was not an important part of her life, because it didn’t seem likely to ever lead to anything more. But the occasional company was nice. A night with someone, and then back to her life as it was, which was a life she liked. In this way, her dating was related to her obsession with time. Her bed was always the same bed, and sometimes there was another person in it. And mostly only her. She floated upon that bed as it moved through time. Passengers on and off, and she alone voyaging onward.

And then, Nazr messaged her on Void and they started chatting. For his part, he was unsure of how to date, it having been some time since he had done and certainly before dating happened as a series of written communications, rather than awkward hand gestures. So he had messaged a number of women in town, who had seemed to him like someone he might want to spend more time with. He did this without expectation. He had few expectations that did not involve football. He just performed the actions that might lead to new outcomes for him, and three of the women had messaged back. He was, after all, not a bad looking man, handsome even, although it had been a long time since anyone had told him that. And so it would not have occurred to him that he was handsome, and this in many ways made him even more handsome.

Frances and he agreed to meet for lunch near the high school. This was close enough to her antique store that she could walk, and so the whole thing didn’t feel to either of them like much of a commitment of time. “So,” he said, once they had sat down with their food. “So,” she agreed, and for an awful moment it seemed like it would hang there in uncomfortable silence, and a bad date best forgotten. But then he asked about antiques, because he himself had an interest in old football trophies. And he agreed that might seem a bit weird, but the thing was that their designs were often fascinating. Never having been meant to stand up under scrutiny, crudely carved players, hands like dinner rolls, feet disappearing into the base of the trophy. And this turned into a discussion of all the many old items that would never be valuable from the viewpoint of capitalism, but were more interesting than the ones that were valuable. From this, the conversation spread out into her fascination with time. And then time itself, and their childhoods, and how it was hard sometimes to remember that they themselves were adults. And in Nazr’s case, older than his parents ever lived to be.

On returning to work, Nazr started the afternoon football practice as usual. And as usual, threw himself into the rhythm of drills, spells and counter-spells that make up any football skirmish. But he found, for the first time in his life, that he couldn’t make himself fully focus. There was a part of him still thinking about the lunch, about the way her hands had looked tapping on the table. About the way she talked about time as it were not an implacable force, but an old and fallible friend. He had to continually draw himself back intro practice, and the players wondered if he perhaps was sick.

Frances stood at the window of her antique shop watching the planes fly overhead. When a person entered the shop, she would acknowledge them vaguely with a nod, and then acknowledge them vaguely with a nod again when they left. But otherwise, she kept her eyes on the window. Something in her chest felt tight, but also less heavy. She was both scared and happy, and she wasn’t sure why she was either of those. When later they both messaged and decided to go on a second date, an evening date at a nice restaurant, something with a bit more commitment behind it, neither of them connected it directly to the way they felt after their lunch together. But both of them could not contain their impatience, and had messaged that very evening. Both at exactly 10:55 PM.

Let’s have a look at that weather.

["Riches and Wonders" by Eliza Rickman & Jherek Bischoff]

There was a second date. And that night, she went with him back to his house. Then a third date, when they went to her house. Then a few more dates where they sometimes went to one of their houses and sometimes just kissed, wild with the feeling of it. Out in the park lot of whatever restaurant or bar they had met at, before saying good night because they had to work in the morning, and they were adults who sometimes had control of themselves.

This was not one of those nights, though. This was a night that she was in his bed and he was asleep. This was a little over a month after their first date. As she lay sleepy and happy, she watched the TV, which was tinting the darkness a soft fickering blue. It was an old episode of “Friends”, in which Joey rolls limply and slowly, over the course of 21 minutes, across the apartment while out of focus in the background, Phoebe searches desperately through every cabinet and screams. Frances had seen the episode too many times to laugh out loud at, but still it felt comforting to watch, like sitting in a room that she liked. The episode had become a place she could go, rather than a story to follow.

There was a commercial break and a PSA from the Secret Police came on, featuring the adorable cartoon spokesdog, Barks Ennui. He capered about, pointing out all the different ways one could break the law in Night Vale and get sentenced to a forever term in the abandoned mine shaft outside of town. She found herself grinning at his bad puns in the section about reporting on your neighbors: “Traitorous activities can be ruff! Go fetch us their deepest secrets!” And then Barks said her name. His cartoon canine face turned directly to the screen and he said, “Frances.” She didn’t know how to respond. A commercial had never spoken to her, and certainly it had never done what Barks did next, which was to step out of the TV screen in a clumsy flopping movement and then sit up, a two-dimensional flickering cartoon dog standing in the bedroom.

“Frances,” Barks said. “You aren’t supposed to be here. This doesn’t belong to you.” He cocked his animated head, the wall of Nazr’s apartment vaguely visible through him, as though through heavy fog. As his head turned, it sagged in the direction of the ground, stretching and distorting his cartoon puppy face until it was a series of drooping ovals. When he spoke again, his voice sounded stretched too. “You will have to make this right, Frances!” he garbled. [muddled] “You will have to make this right!”

She screamed. Nothing happened. She screamed.

Stay tuned next, just – stay tuned. Next.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: Welcome to 2018. The year we finally do it. The year we eat the sun.

[citizenscreen]

As the new year approaches I reflect on the last twelve months and gather my hopes for those to come. Unlike most people I also think about The Thin Man, specially about William Powell and Myrna Loy who play Nick and Nora Charles in the memorable six-movie series released between 1934 and 1947.

When I saw that Steve of Movie Movie Blog Blog was hosting The Happy New Year Blogathon I chose to focus on Nick and Nora Charles right off the bat for several reasons, not the least of which is that there are few other people I’d rather celebrate with to close out the year. I rewatched the first two movies in the series, W. S. Van Dyke‘s The Thin Man and After the Thin Man both of which are centered around the holidays, Christmas and New Years to be specific. As I watched these movies I’ve seen many times before I began to think about why Nick and Nora are so enjoyable. Why is it that everything they touch is so entertaining? In trying to answer that I came to the realization that what they have is what everybody should have, a Charles kind of life, the kind of life where quips rule the day and love abounds and friendships glow and no one judges. And so I’ve put together the 10 things we all need in order to celebrate New Year’s like Nick and Nora Charles.

  1. The Perfect Union

I begin with the obvious ingredient, the one without which the others would be for naught. This is common sense, but not easily obtained. What you need is a debonaire, detail-oriented husband who is as comfortable in intimate settings as he is in big crowds. This man is aces at feigning surprise, doesn’t mind that his wife gets her own Christmas presents, gets up to make her breakfast and can hold his liquor. AND HOW! The wife is just as important to this union, of course, She has to be beautiful and fashionable and must crinkle her nose on demand. Although Mrs. perfect union comes from high society she doesn’t mind – or rather, is excited by – the prospect of hosting suspected murderers for dinner and doesn’t mind getting her own Christmas gifts on behalf of her husband. As one of the coppers refers to her, Nora’s “a girl with hair on her chest.” Of course, Mr. and Mrs. perfect union must be perfect together, compliment each other and have the same goals in mind. For instance, Mr. and Mrs. Charles are each adept at physical comedy, they excel at fast-talking and self-deprecating humor and good-natured jabs, which are key to keeping things spicy in the marriage, and they both look great in fancy pajamas.

  2. A Murder

Under most circumstances murder is grim and painful, but if you want to have a Nick and Nora experience during your New Year’s celebrations then…sorry…someone has to die by suspicious means. There’s just no way to get around that.

As you know, Nick Charles is a former detective who left the business upon marrying Nora. Since her father’s death Nick spends his time balancing drinking, romancing and running her businesses with the latter taking up almost no time at all. In truth, former detective Nick spends a lot of time detecting, trying to figure out who murdering low lives are as dead bodies have a way of falling at his feet. Nick’s talent and stellar reputation for crime detection ensure the police and past associates turn to him for assistance. Due to that the Charles celebration is always centered on crime in some way and there never was another couple who makes the best of the macabre happening. Not only does Nick thrive on solving the puzzles, but Nora is excited by his talent. Needless to say then, a murder is necessary as the driving force behind any and all holiday celebrations. Oh, and it helps if newspapers report the incorrect suspect or details of the crime.

From THE THIN MAN (1934)

From AFTER THE THIN MAN (1936)

  3. Colorful Friends

This one’s simple. If you have no friends called Face, Fingers or Willie the Weeper, find them. There’s no way you can enjoy the festivities without a motley group. In fact, if possible find the establishment where these characters go and spend New Year’s Eve there. You can use the Lychee Club featured in After the Thin Man as a guide. Or…the investigation will lead you to the perfect place. A warning, though – the husband has to be flexible and easy-going enough to ignore remarks about his wife by these character, and the wife has to ignore the comments overall, but it will no doubt be a fun way to bring in the New Year.

Mr. and Mrs. Charles at the Lychee Club surrounded by Nick’s friends, most of which are past jailbirds

The entertainer at the Lychee Club is involved in the mystery

Nick and Nora welcome the New Year at the Lychee Club

    4. A Rich, Snooty Family

We know Nora comes from money although she hasn’t a shred of snootiness. Still, her family is as snobbish and judgmental as they get, especially her Aunt Katherine (Jessie Ralph) who can’t even stand Nick. Still, I suggest you add at least a few of these old money types to your celebration. Not only do they provide an important contrast to Nick’s seedy friends, which is sure to add interesting goings on, but also because these rich people provide lots of opportunities for enjoyable fodder between the hosts themselves.

Nick gets gets a disapproving nod from Nora’s Aunt Katherine

  5. A Brilliant Pet

It doesn’t matter if the husband or the wife or both are at the top their game where quips and looks are concerned. The situation will always be improved by an intelligent, funny pet. The Charles are uniquely lucky in that their pet is wire-haired terrier scene-stealer Asta (played by Skippy). Asta is hilarious, has perfect timing and adds oodles to the Charles’ exchanges whether they’re at home relaxing or he accompanies Nick to an investigation. Asta completes the Charles trifecta and it’s doubtful whether another trio comes close to these three in style and grace. I admit, however, that this might be the most difficult of the ten ingredients to obtain, but you will not likely have the same kind of heightened continuous fun if you don’t have your own Asta-esque pet. Consider that this pet must be an integral part of the family, he/she must hide when you expect him/her to attack an intruder, he/she must eat a piece of a clue if the opportunity arises and has he/she to be judgmental like when Nick and/or Nora are not present, Asta supplies the double take.

The Charles family

Asta eats part of the clue and hides the other piece

Asta and Nick investigate crimes together

The Charles family with the munchies

  6. Comebacks at the Ready

I know most of us don’t have writers we can count on to ensure every single word we utter is witty and spot on, but you gotta try. I think that if you are paired with the perfect match this becomes easier. Having a similar sense of humor will help as will all of the other ingredients mentioned in this list. For instance, if you find a partner who is from a completely different world then, as mentioned, that in itself is food for fodder. Here are a few examples of what you should aim for:

Nick Charles: Come on, let’s get something to eat. I’m thirsty.

  Reporter: Say listen, is he working on a case?

Nora Charles: Yes, a case of scotch. Pitch in and help him.

  Nick Charles: I’m a hero. I was shot twice in the Tribune.

Nora Charles: I read where you were shot 5 times in the tabloids.

Nick Charles: It’s not true. He didn’t come anywhere near my tabloids.

  Nora Charles: Waiter, will you serve the nuts? I mean, will you serve the guests the nuts?

  7. Shadows

Since the mood we’re aiming for is comedy with mystery overtones, you’ve got to set up your lighting so that there’s plenty of shadow to enhance the drama. Mr. Charles is often encased in shadow himself thanks to his detecting interests, but you can set up the “whodunnit” mood and ensure the colorful characters previously mentioned feel at home. For instance, shadows in stripes on a wall to mock a jail cell might do the trick. Or, you can give flashlights as party favors and not turn on lights at all. You can use The Thin Man as your guide, but know that the bar is set quite high by a master of noir lighting, James Wong Howe.

  8. Dim Policemen

Part of the fun in The Thin Man is supplied by the great Nat Pendleton who plays Lt. John Guild who’s  in charge of the murder investigation. As Guild, Pendleton is not the brightest bulb in the deck – or however that goes. Guild brings Nick into the investigation semi-officially, which highlights just how talented Mr. Charles actually is. Lt. Guild is usually days behind the now retired investigator and he even goes by the papers for facts about his own case. In the final dinner scene where all of the suspects are invited, Lt. Guild is as in the dark as the rest of the guests, which is fun in itself. All you need to do in this case is make sure than one or two of the dumber people you know surround you during these celebratory times. Dumb people tend to be happy and the fact that they automatically give the host a sense of superiority can’t hurt.

Suspect Nunheim (Harold Huber) is interrogated by Nick instead of Lt. Guild

  9. A Gathering

There’s hardly a reason for any of these ingredients to come together unless there’s a final gathering to look forward to. Mr. and Mrs. Charles always bring together the motley crew for a get-together during which Nick shows off his superiority with flare. Nora assists with perfectly timed comments and fashionable, if snooty looks of her own to add to the festivities. The surrounding must be of the highest order with just a touch of street-level guise coupled with the air of mystery.

  10. A Train

Nick and Nora take trains between destinations (and after both the Christmas and New Years celebrations) and I think everyone else should too. I get that the Thin Man stories were produced many decades ago when travel on trains was necessary and in vogue, but man, after a good old-fashioned party where your colorful friends are drunk and mingling with your snooty relatives I can think of no better way to unwind. Not to mention that the likelihood that the close quarters will make Mr. and Mrs. perfect union even more perfect is high. Then there are the close quarters, which will no doubt help in the laughs department with your intelligent pet in tow. If you’ve paid attention and have secured every single ingredient mentioned here then Mr. and Mrs. perfect union will remain fashionable, blissful, will be able to laugh about her snooty family and his colorful friends, and there will no doubt be some mystery just around the corner.

  ♦

Be sure to visit Movie Movie Blog Blog and The Happy New Year Blogathon. Then go off and enjoy life like the Charles. Here’s hoping you and yours have a happy and healthy 2018.

How to Celebrate New Year’s Like Nick and Nora Charles As the new year approaches I reflect on the last twelve months and gather my hopes for those to come.

[chasandres]

Creating a Better Magic Community

Like many of you, I was shocked and horrified on Saturday when I learned that Christine Sprankle decided to step away from the community due to repeated and targeted harassment from Jeremy of MTG Headquarters/Unsleeved Media as well as continued harassment from other toxic members of the community.

I was shocked, but I wasn’t surprised. Talk to enough women in the Magic community and stories about harassment inevitably crop up. It’s not so much an open secret as a low-grade headache that can turn malignant.

Regardless, I was thrilled to see the community almost entirely united in its support for Christine. On Tuesday, a large group of pros responded to the situation by writing an open letter condemning MTG Headquarters’ actions and pledging to act as allies and advocates for victims of harassment at future events. I’m proud to be part of a community where so many high profile people are taking active steps to ameliorate this situation.

There isn’t much I can add to this specific situation at this point. I’m not here to write more about why Jeremy needs to be banned from YouTube and WotC sanctioned events—other people are doing that already, and they know more about this situation than me. I suspect that this particular dragon will eventually be slain, most people will consider the matter resolved, and we’ll seek to move beyond this dark chapter in our game’s long history.

But MTG Headquarters has more than THIRTEEN THOUSAND followers on Twitter. Unsleeved Media has A HUNDRED AND FORTY FOUR THOUSAND SUBSCRIBERS. Not all of them supported his overt harassment campaign, but overt harassment is only one part of a larger, systemic problem in the Magic community. Taking down an obvious villain is commendable, but if that’s all we do, than we’ve failed to properly learn from this situation. If we truly want to create a more inclusive community, we all have some work to do.

Before getting into the meat of this thing, I want to be very clear about who I am and why I’m writing this. I’m not here to tell stories of harassment or otherwise step on the voices of the community members who fight those battles on a daily basis. Those aren’t my stories to tell. I’ve already heard similar stories to Christine’s pop up on social media over the past few days, and it’s important that we magnify those voices and believe them.

As a heterosexual white man in a position of relative power, (at least in terms of being someone that the greater Magic community has more or less heard of) I’d like to use some of my power for good. We can’t place the burden of action entirely on the victims of harassment—we all have to step up and take some of it on ourselves. This is my best effort to help in any way that I can.

While the open letter pros are doing a commendable job of keeping the watch at large events, this is an issue that starts at the roots—at FNM, in our living room, on Magic Online. We can’t just leave things up to Brad Nelson and Sam Black—we all need to step up.

To that end, I’ve written a lot of this post in second person, using a lot of “you” and “we.” I feel like it’s important to say straight off that the “you” I have in mind are people who look more or less like me. I’m not trying to lecture marginalized members of the Magic community about an issue that they already understand all too well. This is a message for geeky white guys like me.

If you scroll down any Reddit thread about this issue, or you check the mentions on the right Twitter account, or you read the right Facebook page, you’re going to see more than just solidarity. You’re going to see a lot of confusion, and bitterness, and outright hostility over this situation. Some guys are a little bit ambivalent about what the heck our role is in all of this and how we can help. Others feel attacked and feel like “both sides” should be considered. Still others are unconvinced that there’s a problem at all.

I’ve been around the internet long enough to know that my message is going to fall on a whole lot of deaf ears, but I want to do my best to try and reach everybody I can. At the very least, I want to write this post to remind myself what I can do to help. When I say that we’re all somewhat complicit, I’m including myself. We all have to do better. All of us.

“I haven’t sent any harassing DMs or made any horrible comments on anybody’s videos or articles. Why are you putting me on blast?”

The harassment problem in the Magic community is systemic and multi-layered. I can count at least three different problems, and you don’t have to be actively harassing anyone to be involved with two of them:

1) Active, toxic harassers. These are the people doing the worst, most heinous stuff. These are people who troll women in comments sections, spout racist and anti-Semitic comments at tournaments, and worse. Most of recognize that we shouldn’t be these people.

2) Enablers, both active and passive. The problem is that most of us are guilty of enabling those harassers at one point or another.

Sometimes we downplay it. (“He’s harmless. He’s got a good heart. He’s just a little awkward.”)

Sometimes we justify it. (“We wouldn’t be able to get a draft going every week without him.”)

Sometimes we straight-up defend it. (“He shouldn’t have said that, but do you have to be so sensitive?”)

3) People saying or doing hurtful stuff that they didn’t think about very much. You could also call these microaggressions, but I know that some of you are put off by the language of social justice, so I want to spell out this problem as clearly as possible. The point is that there are lots of phrases, gestures, and actions that (either inadvertently or on purpose) create a barrier between the dominant voices in the community and those who feel like outsiders. You might not sense it, but they do.

These smaller offenses can be tough to pin down, but the only way to do it is by listening to the people who are affected by these actions, believing their stories, and changing our behavior accordingly.

For example, talk to almost any woman who has ever played a game of tournament Magic and she’ll tell you a dozen stories about being disrespected at Magic tournaments due to her gender. It’s usually not as simple as someone walking up to her and saying, “you’re a woman, stop playing Magic” – it’s hearing stuff like, “did your boyfriend teach you to play?” and “I thought you’d be easier to beat!” over, and over, and over again.

If you’re a white guy like me who has never experienced this, try to imagine how disheartening this must feel, especially on days when you’re running bad and your deck just isn’t behaving. A lot of us play Magic because we like to experiencing that feeling of mastery, especially when the rest of life isn’t going so hot. Now imagine a wry smirk of recognition on the face of your opponent when he beats you because of a lucky top deck. I knew I’d beat the girl. This match was never in doubt. Would Magic still feel like an escape for you? Are you sure?

“I’ve been a member of the Magic community for years, and I don’t see why I should have to hide who I am or censor myself! This is my home, and I should feel safe to communicate however I want.”

I can’t convince anyone that empathy is important. If you don’t believe that it’s worth making small sacrifices or accommodations in order to make another person feel safe or comfortable, that’s on you.

For the rest of us…well, these requests are so small, and they mean so much. Nobody’s asking you give away your Scarab Gods, stop attending FNM, or only talk on alternate Thursdays. It’s basic stuff like not using “gay” as a slur and leaving your half-naked Anime girl playmat at home. You’re not being asked to hide major parts of your identity, and you don’t have to “hide who you are.” You just have to stop acting like an abrasive jerk and maybe stop using a couple of problematic words.

In return, the payoff is massive. We’re always talking about how Magic’s player base isn’t growing like it used to. Well, I know at least a dozen women who stepped away from the community because they didn’t feel welcome. Imagine if we all tried a little bit harder to make our little corner of geekdom a little bit friendlier?

“But political correctness has run amok!”

Whenever I have a conversation about political correctness with someone who dislikes the concept, it usually devolves into some grand hypothetical conversation about freedom of speech in stand-up comedy or edgy TV shows or whatever.

I’m happy to have that discussion with any of you fine folks the next time we’re at an event together, but it’s not pertinent to our conversation today. I feel like we’re all mature enough to recognize that a Magic tournament is not the same as a comedy club or an R-rated film.

“We shouldn’t be nicer to people because of the slippery slope!” is a bad hill to die on.

“I’m sick of being called a sexist all the time. I’m not a sexist!”

Extreme binary thinking is one of the biggest obstacles to self-improvement, and it’s a paradigm that you’re going to have to break free from if you want to experience any sort of meaningful growth.

Think back to the last time someone accused you of saying something racist, sexist, or otherwise harmful. If you’re anything like me, chances are your initial reaction is to get super defensive. I’m not racist, you think, your mind instantly flashing to a hooded KKK member. I can’t be racist because of <insert justification here>, I didn’t really mean any harm by my comments, and I’m certainly no KKK member, so this person must be overreacting!

This is an understandable reaction, but it’s important to learn how to move beyond it. As a society, we are TERRIBLE with this sort of nuance. We assume that there are “good” people (non-racists), and “bad” people (racists), and nobody wants to be lumped in with all the Hitlers. Instead, we blame the people leveling the accusations at us for overreacting, or for being too politically correct, or for jumping to conclusions based on “one stupid joke.” Some of us even double down on our suspect behavior, believing that it’s important to stake out some sort of “middle ground.”

But the problem isn’t them, it’s us. There are no good guys and bad guys. We can ALL do better. It’s okay to feel that initial stab of shame and defensiveness, but then it’s important to really look inside you and realize that what you said was hurtful. In fact, it hurt them so much that they felt the need to speak up and say something to somebody THAT THEY KNEW WOULD REACT DEFENSIVELY. That’s not an easy task for most people, and it’s extra hard for a marginalized person in a community where they don’t feel safe.

Look���I’m no exception to this rule. When I go back and watch some of the videos I recorded back in high school and college, I can’t help but cringe at some of the language I used and the jokes I made. In ten years, I’ll probably feel the same way about some of what I say now. It’s not like I was a horrible sexist back in 2007 and a totally enlightened person now—it’s that I’ve made (and continue to make) an effort to learn, grow, and improve. Being a good person is about constantly seeking to improve, same as being a good Magic player.

“All of this harassment talk makes me sick to my stomach. What can I do to help?”

First, listen to the people telling their stories of harassment. Internalize them, validate them, believe them.

This is pretty easy when the harasser is someone like Jeremy, who is well-known to be a toxic member of the community. It’s harder when it’s someone beloved. It’s even harder when it’s someone who you know personally. Your initial reaction may be defensiveness—it often is for me—but there’s a time and a place for that, and it’s not now.

Remember: we are mature enough to handle these situations with poise and nuance. Some people just need to be sat down and told to stop behaving badly, while others need to be banned and ostracized. We won’t be able to call out either type of harasser without creating an environment where people feel safe coming forward.

Second, you need to get more comfortable calling out the harassers in your own life. It’s MUCH harder for victims of harassment to call it out than it is for us bystanders, which is why it’s important that we not let any of this toxicity stand even when it doesn’t directly affect us.

Don’t just say something at FNM—speak up during your kitchen table drafts, too. “We don’t say stuff like that here,” is a good turn of phrase to keep in your back pocket. It’s important to sweep away that “boy’s club” atmosphere for good, because it can permeate out from late-night hotel room games into the community at large.

A lot of these people aren’t evil, they’re just prickly, misguided, and socially awkward. Some of them will double-down on their bad behavior and are unreachable, but I have to believe that at least some of them really do mean well. The only way to find out is by changing the climate and calling out the unacceptable stuff whenever we can, wherever we can. Otherwise, they’ll keep driving people away.

Of course, there are some actions that require a harsher response. Jeremy has an entire platoon of followers who will be harder to pin down. And these guys aren’t outsiders, they’re members of the community. They’re guys that you and I both know.

If you know about someone who likes to troll marginalized members of the Magic community on social media, you need to do everything you can to get them to stop. “It’s just a joke” should not be an acceptable defense at this point. These people need to understand that their actions have consequences.

To this end, try to get more comfortable appealing to authority figures like LGS owners and judges about stuff like this. It’s easier for people like us to speak up about harassing language when we hear it, and most of it is a disqualifying offense in sanctioned play. In smaller or casual events, remember that store owners are too busy running the shop to know what’s going on in the back room. Feel free to enlighten them.

This is especially important when dealing with constant, repeatable offenders. These are the people who lower the attendance at local events because large swaths of the player base don’t feel comfortable gaming with them. We need to do a better job of weeding them out and letting them know that they need to choose between being a productive member of the community or no longer being a part of the group.

Lastly, never assume that you are above it all. I’m certainly not. Remember that making mistakes in the social arena are like misplays in Magic: each one is a chance to improve, to become more precise, to grow as an empathetic person. The important thing is to acknowledge it, apologize, and do your best not to make that mistake again.

I’m sick of hearing “Magic is awesome, but the community kind of sucks.” The community is all of us—you, me, and everyone else who has ever picked up a Magic card and felt that instant, powerful connection. We all have a right to thrive within it, to feel comfortable slinging spells in shops and tournaments around the world. I’m willing to fight for that right. Are you?

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 9/5/17

Super mega briefs!

Aho-Girl, Vol. 2 | By Hiroyuki | Kodansha Comics -This is a 4-koma gag comic, so does not really rely on character or plot development. You just need funny gags. In this case, the gags rely on the main cast being absolute idiots. And to the manga’s credit, they are. If the cast were even a tiny bit less dumb, the whole series would merely be tedious. But everyone, especially the title girl, quadruples down on the stupidest possible outcome to any situation, and it just works. We do see a new girl here, who seems to like cute girls but may simply be as eccentric as everyone else. As for Sayaka, even given the fact that every gag comic needs a straight man, you still feel bad she’s in this series. Maybe she can go hang out with Nanase from Book Girl. – Sean Gaffney

Anne Happy, Vol. 6 | By Cotoji | Yen Press – Once again, there are hints that while the rest of the class has some random bad luck, Hanako’s bad luck—as well as her terminal case of Pollyanna optimism—may have a more sinister origin. I also get the sense, given the various hints we’re given in this volume, that their teacher is a former student of the unlucky class. In any case, we get the usual vague mixture of amusing and heartwarming, as Hibari thinks too much, Botan tries a bit too hard, and Hibiki is an absolute mess. I admit that I’m grateful for the hints of an ongoing plot regarding Hanako, mostly as otherwise this series doesn’t quite get along entirely on pure charm. You want it to be going somewhere, and for now I will trust that it is. – Sean Gaffney

A Centaur’s Life, Vol. 12 | By Kei Murayama | Seven Seas – Once again, I get the feeling that A Centaur’s Life is just a thin excuse for the author to do whatever he feels like doing every chapter. We get more action-packed dramatic flashbacks with death and maiming, framed as the cast visiting a natural history museum to look at their ancestors. We get romantic comedy hijinks, with crushes on guys and the like. We get more chapters that examine how typical Japanese events would work in the Centaur’s Life world, such as idol groups and faked ghost stories (or is it fake?). The best chapter in the book involves the cast having a mostly serious discussion on the concept of heaven, and why if you try to dig too deep to analyze heaven it just gets disturbing. As variable as ever. – Sean Gaffney

Chihayafuru, Vol. 4 | By Yuki Suetsugu | Kodansha Comics (digital only) – I love how Suetsugu-sensei uses Chihaya’s continued passion for karuta to get Arata to admit that he still loves the game. When they were kids, he was the one who introduced her to the game, and now she’s the one who brings him back to it, first by sending him updates on Mizusawa High’s progress through the Tokyo qualifiers, which has him refreshing his inbox every ten seconds for the results, and then by moving on to nationals at a venue that brings up memories of his grandfather. We learn more about what happened with his grandpa’s health, and it’s awful and sad, but learning that others look forward to seeing his grandpa’s style through him begins to clear up his guilt somewhat. Perhaps he can honor his grandpa best by continuing to play? I love this series so much. – Michelle Smith

Drifters, Vol. 4 | By Kohta Hirano | Dark Horse Comics – It has been three-and-a-half years since the last volume of Drifters came out in North America. That said, with a series like this I’m not sure it matters much. Sure, I’d forgotten literally everything going on in the previous books, and we don’t even get a ‘what has gone before’ page at the front. But I mean, this is Kohta Hirano. Is there lots of fighting? Oh yes. Some bloody killings? Definitely. Insane grins? By the bucketful. The whole manga is just an excuse for all of those things, and therefore it seems churlish to criticize the fact that the plot doesn’t really go anywhere, or that female characters are either absent or objectified. Recommended if you loved Hellsing, otherwise easily skippable. – Sean Gaffney

Food Wars!: Shokugeki no Soma, Vol. 19 | By Yuto Tsukuda and Shun Saeki | Viz Media – This volume is interesting, but it does give off a bit of a sense of filler, as we slowly advance through Azami’s plan to remake the school in his twisted image. Much to my surprise, Ryo’s battle does not go the way I assumed it would, and this leads to a number of satisfying scenes. There’s also the confirmation, which I think most readers have guessed by now, that Alice was in fact trying to contact Erina all along, and her letters were blocked all these years. The most dangerous battle may be the new one Soma has with #1 seat Tsukasa. They turn out to work very well together, almost like a well-oiled machine… which leads to Tsukasa offering to let Soma join Central. Some, of course, refuses… but will he regret it? Always good. – Sean Gaffney

Giant Killing, Vol. 5 | By Masaya Tsunamoto and Tsujitomo | Kodansha Comics (digital only) – East Tokyo United has lost the first several games of the season, and fans and management are starting to voice their displeasure. Now ETU is facing Nagoya, a team with three talented Brazilian players. But Tatsumi has spotted Nagoya’s one weakness and worked out a plan to exploit it. Seeing the team working together and their defense holding strong is a lot of fun, but their faces when they finally manage to score are the best bit. Tsubaki has talent, but he’s been inconsistent so far. Now, he seems to be playing without hesitation, and when he scores first ETU’s first goal, his expression conveys both his relief and a sense of atonement for past mistakes. There just seems to be more on the line than is usual in sports manga, and I was thoroughly caught up in the action until it was abruptly over. Highly recommended! – Michelle Smith

Kimi ni Todoke: From Me to You, Vol. 27 | By Karuho Shiina | VIZ Media – Inspired by Sawako’s ability to honestly discuss her thoughts and feelings, Kazehaya tries a similar approach with his gruff father concerning his university plans. The situation remains unresolved until Kazehaya’s mother tells him about a special drawer wherein he discovers that his father has saved everything Kazehaya ever gave him. “You do make your dad happy. You really do. He just doesn’t show it.” Sniff! I didn’t know I needed to see them achieve an understanding, but apparently I did. After Sawako makes her decision about where she’s going to school, the focus shifts back to Ayane and her heartache over Pin, who she is convinced will never look at her romantically. It’s great to see her feeling love, after she doubted that she could, whatever the outcome. This is still such a great series! – Michelle Smith

Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl, Vol. 3 | By Canno | Yen Press – Shiramine and Kurosawa have entered their second year and evidently still aren’t a couple, despite the occasional smooch that transpires between them. Shiramine is still not particularly likable, but she’s a bit more tolerable this time around, and has managed to defeat Kurosawa by one point on an English exam. There’s some question about whether she herself is special, or whether Kurosawa would take anyone who could make her feel like a regular girl, but this question is answered when Kurosawa is roped into the gardening club due simply to sheer proximity and not for her talents. She ends up staying, and dragging Shiramine into it, but mostly the second half of the volume deals with the other two members of the club. Although it’s still not as good as some schoolgirl yuri I’ve read recently (Bloom Into You), I think this series might be improving. – Michelle Smith

Kuroko’s Basketball, Vols. 13-14 | By Tadatoshi Fujimaki | Viz Media – Seirin vs. To-Oh is the main thrust of this volume, and it’s just as exciting as you might imagine, even if it’s tough to find words to describe it. As with most sports manga, you tend to define it as “good sports happens in these pages,” so even in an omnibus I struggle to say much more than “wow, he really got stronger!” or “did you see that shot?”. There is a hot springs section at the start of the book, which gives the teams a chance to casually taunt each other before the game, and also some primo fanservice, exactly the sort that young boys will want to see. There’s also some flashbacks to Kuroko’s middle-school days, mostly to give more depth to Aomine. Basketball happens. But it’s really good basketball. -Sean Gaffney

Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic, Vol. 25 | By Shinobu Ohtaka | Viz Media – Well, we do get some Morgiana, my wish from the previous brief, but not a lot. Instead, Harukyuu is the focus of this 25th volume, which is both good and bad. Bad in that he turns to darkness, letting his anger rule him, mind-controlling soldiers and deciding murder is the best solution. Good in that the way this is handled turns out to be some of the best writing in the series, and a highlight of the volume. And honestly, if you’re going to try to murder someone, it’s hard to go wrong with his mother Gyokuen, who is smug in the best possible way, and even gets a few Higurashi faces here. (That’s her on the cover.) As for Alibaba, well, he’s headed over there, and I expect he and Harukyuu are going to clash horribly next book. – Sean Gaffney

My Love Story!!, Vol. 13 | By Kazune Kawahara and Aruko | VIZ Media – There are many shoujo romances that end with a reunion after a long separation, but My Love Story!! tackles this a little differently, showing us how tough the time apart was for Yamato and how hard she and Takeo are working to be able to get into the same college. Their romance stuff was nice, but honestly, the hero of the volume is Sunakawa, who keeps Takeo on track with studying, personally taking charge of his tutoring, and making good on a promise to smack Takeo if he ever does something really stupid. I loved that the creators took the time here at the end to emphasize what a special friend he is. I’ll miss this series, but Kawahara-sensei did say “it might be nice to write more of this story someday” in her final author’s note, so make of that what you will! – Michelle Smith

Pandora in the Crimson Shell: Ghost Urn, Vol. 8 | By Shirow Masamune and Rikudou Koushi | Seven Seas – Not as many amusing cameos this time around, and wrapping up one plot and starting another means there’s a lot of awkward transition in the middle. Also, we get more than one “activation” sequence, because kids these days can’t get enough of faux vaginal fingering. Still, I would hope kids these days would not be allowed anywhere near Pandora. The main cast does get to show off, and Nene in particular shows that she’s really something special even among this cast that seems to have a lot of special people and/or machines. Oh yes, and we also get a glimpse of the big bads, who combine Nazi imagery AND Illuminati imagery. If you like saying “wtf?” a lot, Pandora is for you. – Sean Gaffney

Vampire Knight: Memories, Vol. 1 | By Matsuri Hino | Viz Media – I will grant you that Vampire Knight left some open endings, and it’s nice to see those gone into. Still, when you see an author’s next series after their huge hit cancelled after two volumes, and then they return with a spinoff of that old series, it’s hard not to cringe. The best part of this book, even if it’s really bittersweet, is between Aido and Wakaba. It’s clear they both have deep feelings for each other, but it’s also clear that Wakaba does not want to be a vampire, and therefore this romance just isn’t going to happen. It’s an interesting look at the issues semi-immortality brings. The chapters with Yuki interested me less, mostly as they deal with her post-vampiric personality. VK fans will like this, most others will find it superfluous. – Sean Gaffney

By: Michelle Smith