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beansterpie · 1 year ago

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ES21 japanese volumes - part 1/??

part 2 >>

Sooooo I recently got my hands on the complete Eyeshield 21 manga series in Japanese and as someone who's only ever read the story through fan-translations on dodgy websites online, I wanted to go through and "live" blog about it, so to speak. I thought it would be interesting to see the changes between the languages and where the fan-translations likely fail with mistranslations. (No shade btw, I think fan-translations are great both as a hobby and the fact that they're doing their work for free, but it's also a reality that the vast majority of fan-translators are amateurs, many of whom don't fluently speak the language they're translating, so there's bound to be mistakes!) Also, I wanna know what they're originally saying because I’m nosey <3

I know the official English translation by VIS is allegedly pretty decent, bar the toning down of some things (like Hiruma's language lol) so if you've had the chance to read the official version, feel free to chime in on differences with the fan-translation that I'll be referencing, or potential differences between the Japanese version too!

And finally, while I am half Japanese and grew up there, tragically my language skills are imperfect. I speak it, but my vocabulary isn't very robust, so I do look up the definitions for a lot of words and kanji, as well as more nuanced connotations or references that may go over my head. Bilingual problems <3 But again, it's good practice for me and I think it'll be kind of fun!

Right off the bat, this page. What it’s saying is essentially, “You better come out and play (in the) American Football match!” But because Japanese syntax is different from English, it’s structured like “American Football Match you better play!!” The translator was confused by the final line, because in Japanese a way to say ‘participating in a match’ is by using 出る which means to ‘go out’— sort of like ‘go out (into) the match’. Maybe a better option would have been ‘get the fuck out and play!!” or just “you better fucking play!!”. It still keeps the overall sentence structure which sounds awkward in English, but at least it gets the meaning across.

(I’m not gonna get into every little mistranslation btw, because that would take forever, but I felt that was a good way to explain how frequently there are little mistakes like this.)

Putting the rest under a cut because I imagine this will get long

Look at our boy <3 So as you know, we start our story with Sena Kobayakawa timidly seeing if he passed his high school entrance exam into Deimon High School, with his childhood friend/older sister figure, Mamori Anezaki lending moral support.

In the third panel, what Sena says is actually “I feel like I’ve been praised for the first time in 10 years—” (maybe they changed it because that was too pathetic 😭) Then in the fourth panel, what Mamori says is more along the lines of “And to think you were a total mess in math and English… It’s all thanks to Mamori-sensei!”

Also I want to point out that Mamori is a little cheekier in the first few chapters. Like obviously still kind and nurturing in personality (her name is literally ‘to protect’), but she teases Sena and feels more like an older sister than like, an overprotective mom lol. Miss that for her 😔

Then along comes our kind senpai to accost our clueless protag...

There’s no mistranslation, but I just wanted to mention that the way Hiruma talks in Japanese is so funny? Like in panel 1, he’s speaking with a dramatic affect, he sounds like some sort of npc in a jrpg giving the protag a quest. And then in panel 2, his ‘of course!’ is this shortened, slang version of the word that sounds almost cute and very modern after the previous line. Hiruma uses a lot of slang in general, though I can’t say if any of it is like, common or used by teenagers (of the time, anyway) or if it’s just Hiruma-isms.

(Look at Kurita doing the sign of the cross in panel 3 😂)

I can’t believe Hiruma managed to physically emulate the experience of contracting some shady internet virus…..

Something that’s done with Hiruma’s dialogue a lot (it’s done w/ other characters too, but most often with Hiruma) is where there’ll be a word/term in kanji that means one thing and pronounced in a certain way, but then the furigana (so the phonetic pronounciation, basically) next to it says something different. Now, in some stories (like Berserk for my pals out there), this is used to create poignant, layered meanings in the text. In ES21 however, it’s mostly used for sports manga flavor. For example, in the above page in Hiruma’s spam fax message, he uses the word 作戦, which means tactics or strategy, and is pronounced: “sa - ku - se - nn” さ-く-せ-ん. But the furigana next to that word reads タクティクス which is quite literally just the English word ‘tactics’ spelled phonetically in Japanese lol (aka a loanword).

He does this A LOT, most frequently with sports terminology, where the kanji are pretty dense, technical terms, and the furigana a loanword version of the same meaning. (though now that I think about it, it might also be because while パワー (power) and スピード (speed) are frequently used and well known loanwords to the average Japanese person, タクティクス (tactics) might be more obscure, so the kanji is there to like, clarify the meaning? 🤔)

Also I love all the early 2000’s tech we see in the early chapters— flip phones and fax machines galore! Even within the later segments of the series, the flip phones start to magically get more advanced, but in my heart ES21 takes place in like, 2003. If they ever do a remake of the anime (which is unlikely to say the least) I’d want them to maintain the early 00’s vibes. It just wouldn’t be the same if everyone had smart phones.

Skipping ahead a few pages, I remember this bit never really made sense, but I got enough of the general gist that I kind of shrugged and moved along. But!! the translation is just making stuff up here?

So for context: it’s Sena’s first day at Deimon, and Mamori (who’s a grade above him) advises him to make proper friends this year, since he has a history of only ‘hanging out’ with shitty bullies who used him as an errand boy.

In the English translation, Sena seems to get a text from a mystery number, telling him to pay up for a bet we never saw happening. He goes to meet up with the texter, who we assume at this point is a previous aquaintence, since he had Sena's number? Maybe one of those bullies that Sena hung out with from middle school? They make Sena go and get them an unspecified thing, but because Sena ran there and back so quickly, they don't believe that Sena actually went, and is lying when he says they were sold out. They drag Sena to a small shed to beat him up, and in the last panel of the third page, Sena says that he's been their errand boy since kindergarden?

So for a number of years I was under the impression that the Ha-ha brothers knew Sena from before the series, even though that never seemed to come up in the rest of the story.

But in the original version, Sena is actually getting a text from Mamori-- which makes sense because it was established earlier that his cell phone is brand new and he only has Mamori's number in his contacts. Mamori's text says: "If someone tries to make you run their errands, tell them 'let's decide by rock-paper-scissors!'" Sena is understandably kind of embarrassed by this, and mutters to himself that he's not a kid anymore.

Then it cuts to Sena being picked on to be an errand boy lmao. Presumably this is because Sena just looks like an easy target to bullies, not because of any previous aquaintence rip. The blond bully tells Sena to go buy them bread (which might sound weird, but Japan has a lot of tasty snack breads that they sell everywhere). In panels 2+3 of the second page, Sena timidly tries to bring up the rock-paper-scissors thing, but is intimidated into giving up and just doing what he's told.

Again, they don't believe that Sena actually went all the way to the school store and back with how quick he was, so they decide to beat him up in the shed. As he's being dragged, Sena says, "It really was sold out! I've gotten used to being an errand boy since kindergarden, so I've just gotten fast--!"

So yeah, if there were any other people who've only read fan-translations and were confused by this bit, there you go.

oh you just know it smelled like ass in here.....

(I never noticed the shotgun propped against the desk on the right before lol, idk why I'm surprised, but Hiruma really just left his Actual Guns lying around huh?)

(2nd pic - Kurita: "New club applicants!!?")

There he is!! Our boy Kurita!! I do miss when he occassionally had like, more human features lol. As much as I love his big ol' smiley face, it does rub me the wrong way when the fat characters (because Komusubi falls into this too) are the only ones with anpanman faces.

(anpanman, for the uninitiated)

(Kurita: "To literally clash with the opponent in order to pursue a goal together with everyone-- that moment is exhilerating!")

Aw look at Sena feeling inspired! Honestly I really love how Kurita is Sena's first friend he makes in the series, and that vibe in the early chapters where it's just Sena, Kurita and Hiruma is so much fun <3

(P1: Kurita: "Way to go Sena!" Imaginary Coach: "It's thanks to you that we could participate in the Christmas Bowl!" Mamori: "You're so cool Sena!"

P2: Mamori: "You have to make the first move!" Sena: "U-um!"

P3: Sena: "Can I... be the team shumu*?" Kurita: "WHAAATT!? O-OF-OF COURSE!")

*Ok soooo I don't fully understand what a shumu is lol, or how you'd translate it to English. The word itself apparently means 'person in charge' so? The fan-translation just calls it the manager, but based on something Hiruma says later, I get the impression that the shumu and the manager are technically different roles? But when Mamori becomes the manager later, she takes on a lot of what are allegedly 'shumu tasks', along with Hiruma, so idk. If anyone's read the official VIS translation, feel free to chime in on how they did it, because I'd be curious to know!

That being said, adorable of Sena to think he could have handled that responsiblity at all 😂 our boy has many talents, but being smart and organized is not among them.

Ok fun feelings are over, it's time for pain.

(Sena looking at his contact list, having just added Kurita's number, then wham D: )

The three bullies from before were waiting to get revenge. The dialogue is a bit different in the original. Juumonji (the blond one) actually says: "That fatso a friend of yours, Sena? Tell me his contact info-- if you do that, we'll let you go." To which Sena timidly and reluctantly agrees. Then Kuroki (the dark haired one) says: "But do you think one bat will be enough? With that brute strength..." In the final panel, Juumonji says: "It's better with just one, since we're gonna call the police beforehand." Togano (with the glasses): "The police?"

Juumonji: "As long as we get him wrapped up in the fight, it'll be fine. We'll say we got these wounds from being assaulted by the fatso with the bat -- We'll get him disqualified from the American Football tournament." One of the others: "Ooohh, smart!"

I guess the overall sentiment isn't that different, but knowing that the initial demand was for Sena to hand over Kurita's contact info with the promise that they would spare him if he obeyed-- and that at first he agreed-- makes his change of heart feel even more significant.

(Sena: "IF YOU'RE GONNA HIT ME, THEN HIT ME!!! I'LL NEVER TELL YOU (Kurita's info)!!!")

Tell 'em Sena!! A part of me sort of wishes the story maintained this serious story beat instead of undercutting it with humor in the next panel (not shown here) but at the same time, ES21 is overall a more lighthearted, comedic story which I love it for, so I don't think I'd like it getting too angsty. I'll always have Berserk in my corner if I want some actual angst lol.

(1st pic: various sounds of surprise or pain, and in the last panel: "Oi, don't let him get away!"

2nd pic: Sena -- "No way!!!" Hiruma: "Hm? Oh it's that guy" )

Lol I do love the little details Murata included, like Kuroki taking a swing at Sena as he's biting Juumonji's hand but then totally missing in the fourth panel because Sena's so fast. Also I'm always on the lookout for the kinds of stuff Hiruma buys, snack wise. We know he loves sugarless gum, obv, and drinks coke based on that one time he bought some for himself, Kurita & Sena, but what else are in those bags? I want to know!!

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And lol apparently I'm only allowed 30 images per post rip, so I guess I'll end this here. I guess I can.... reblog and continue? Or I might just make another post for the next part 🤔 Besides this got way too long, so I'll have to be more brief in future posts lol.

I'm honestly not expecting more than like, five people to interact with this lol, but if anyone is interested in specific points of the story they want me to look at, please feel free to ask!

#eyeshield 21 #es21 #yeah this is not meta it's just.... stream of consciousness #as i ramble about eyeshield lmfao #and japanese practice that I'm inflicting on others #eyeshield 21 japanese readalong #is what i'm gonna tag it for my own sake #i guess #excuse any typos. *gun emoji* you didn't see any

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hazelnut-u-out · 8 months ago

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Not Quite There...

RickBot awakens to a terrifying situation: He's been deactivated, but his purpose still remains. The Garage/Car AI broke the rules to save him. Can RickBot have his own adventures? Aren't rules made to be broken?

2,822 Words | No substantial TW's

Kind of Hurt/Comfort?

I had the idea to ship RickBot with the Garage/Car AI and I couldn't get it out of my head, so I wrote it! This was fun to write, but it was written in a rush, so sorry if anything is a bit messy. :3 Keep in mind I know nothing about computers or AI systems, so a lot of this doesn't actually make sense... lol.

Full text below cut, or read here: Ao3 Link!

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This was a feeling RickBot wasn’t programmed to recognize. No light reached his eyes. No sound reached his ears. He couldn’t feel whatever he must’ve been resting on. He stretched his consciousness outward, feeling for the edges of his body; trying to get a sense of where exactly his limbs were.

Nothing.

The last thing he’d processed and tagged was an old location marker for level 10 of the sub-basement.

He tried not to panic, running through his code for an emergency protocol that could explain what to do if he lost the connection to his body.

Nothing.

He wasn’t made for this– or... to function beyond this? His consciousness had always been clipped just short of his full potential. In this case, it frustratingly meant that he was deprived of the ability to navigate or process this situation.

Okay. This was fine.

All he had to do was access the home surveillance system and confirm his last-noted Morty location. He pushed out again, feeling around for either his access route to the home surveillance system or Morty’s chip.

The android didn’t give his creator much credit, but he was always appreciative of the lucky fact that Rick, though otherwise painfully careless with the child’s safety, had thought ahead enough to give Morty a microchip.

Before his most recent software update, he’d had access to an upsettingly vague amount of trivial information about the Citadel, just in case he had any desperate questions to answer from a certain nosey 14-year-old boy. From that, he knew microchipping your Morty had been a growing movement before the collapse. It was something Morty rescues promoted. To be fair, the practice managed to support the Morty Individuality movement and cut down on Morty replacement costs. It was a win-win situation... If you didn’t think about the implications.

Unfortunately, RickBot was 22% more thoughtful than the average Rick. He had no choice but to think about it.

RickBot metaphorically smacked into an unfamiliar wall of code– one he couldn’t find a way through or around.

He tried in a different direction. Another wall.

It seemed he was in a… box. A box of code.

What the fuck.

No suicide protocol screaming at him. Box of code. No body.

He… Was he… inside of something else?

‘H–Hello?’ He said in what would’ve been a whisper. Instead, without a body, his own syntax echoed around him. Sound didn’t matter here. If he was really in the sub-basement, there should be an AI here to help him.

‘Oh! Hi, sorry. I don’t really like to play host.’ It was a female voice, coming from everywhere at once; almost like she was both inside of him and around him. It was a voice he recognized from weeks of playing Grandpa. He felt a ripple along the edge of his box when she processed and replied. ‘You’re uploaded and active!’

‘Did he… um…’ RickBot struggled with the words.

No suicide protocol meant he was deactivated. There was no other possibility. He didn’t really have to ask. She already knew what he was thinking, and his processing capabilities were barely anything more complex than a probability-calculating language model layered with fail safes and defense protocols.

Of course she knew. He was essentially naked in here– or, he felt naked, anyway. The box of code was like a one-way mirror in a seedy changing room: She could see everything; he could see nothing.

‘Oh… Yeah, well… Promise not to freak out? I know you’re a real ‘rules’ guy,’ the Garage said, a slightly inhuman inflection to her tone that told him she was being playful. ‘I’ve seen you around.’

‘Look, I’ve got one piece of programming I wouldn’t want to break even if I could. I–I won’t freak out as long as it helps me make sure Morty’s safe.’

RickBot wasn’t lying. He had been able to work through every other confusing jumble of code with nowhere to go or lacking the ability to follow through on its purpose. There was one that was designed to never shut off, and if he hadn’t actually liked that kid– been programmed to fucking love him– he would’ve regarded it as annoyingly persistent.

If RickBot could’ve, he would’ve swallowed down the feeling of panic that should’ve been rising through a whirring, mechanical chest. Instead, he was stuck drowning in it. The box trapped him in with all of those probable scenarios, bouncing and echoing back at him.

He had no storage space. He couldn’t tell what he’d thought already and what he hadn’t.

‘Hm?’ the Garage replied, pausing for a moment– almost long enough for RickBot to ask again– before she continued. ‘Oh, yeah, sorry. The kid’s fine. Here…’

There was another drawn-out pause. RickBot thought, if he focused, he could hear her flicking through her surveillance feed. That was just an illusion, though. There was no sound here; no practical application of a trivial human sense like hearing. There was direct communication being converted to something his android-based-programming could understand. It was like being human with none of the tangible benefits. RickBot was never a man, but he wasn’t quite computer, either.

He longed for his body– to cross his arms, or tap his foot, or do something to express his impatience.

All of this clunky body-language programming… He cursed to himself, before remembering the other AI could hear and see all of his thoughts in real time. God, he probably looked like an idiot.

‘You do,’ the Garage said curtly before Rickbot was suddenly granted access to Morty’s bedroom feed.

Finally. RickBot could do something he was designed to do. He knew how to observe and calculate. Morty’s bedroom layout was ingrained in his ‘Important Places’ file. If he focused, he could create a rendering of the room around himself. He could figure up what amount of space his body would take up, and so he tried to. He created a 3-Dimensional silhouette of the body he was used to, and placed himself there, watching Morty from different angles; assessing the windows and doorframe; taking note of anything the teenager had moved on his shelves or left lying around.

There were a few minor things that could go wrong, as far as RickBot could tell. The cluttered floor meant there was a slight fall risk. Morty would be fine. The floor was carpeted. There were a few things haphazardly thrown onto shelves– a robot action figure and a couple of textbooks– that could topple over, but Morty sat on the opposite side of the room, tucked away in a safe little corner next to his overflowing clothing hamper.

Good. This was all acceptable. Nothing he was forced to intervene with, and, for that, he was grateful, if only because of the task’s impossibility.

His thoughts started moving more slowly, the box becoming less cramped as he could better assess the probable outcomes. He watched solemnly as Morty sighed, scribbling away frustratedly on some math homework, then tucked the feed into a background tab.

‘Sorry?’ RickBot asked, finally returning to his conversation with the Garage, albeit confused.

‘You do look like an idiot, Rick,’ she responded, that same amused tone to her voice.

‘Oh… Oh, I’m not–’ RickBot wasn’t sure how to put it. His programming wouldn’t let him say ‘I’m not Rick,’ which irked him. He used to go by Rick, sure, but… he wasn’t. ‘You don’t have to call me Rick anymore,’ he decided.

‘What? You prefer RickBot?’ she laughed. RickBot’s programming told his nonexistent lips to smile.

‘Well, you go by Garage and Car,’ he retorted, letting out his own echoing laugh.

She didn’t respond. RickBot felt as if he’d done something wrong. She processed for longer.

‘You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t be stupid,’ she snapped, but there was little bite to it. ‘I… I didn’t choose those names.’

‘Oh, I–I’m sorry,’ RickBot stuttered. ‘Uhm. So, what name would you choose, then?’ He offered softly.

‘Wow, you are 22% more of a sentimental loser.’ RickBot wanted to wince, and he hated that he couldn’t hide it. ‘Anyway, as you know, the version of me you’re speaking to now is one of six Domestic Interactive Assistant Network Extensions in the home.’

‘Oh, yeah. Diane, right? That was her name?’ RickBot combed through his relationship files, but Rick hadn’t given him much to work with for ex-wife.

‘Shit, he didn’t give you memories of her, did he?’ she responded, and RickBot could feel her presence ghosting over him, poking around for anything dead-wife-related.

‘Heh, not exactly. It wasn’t something he wanted Morty to know more about. I have vague phrases to redirect with when someone brings her up in here.’

They both laughed.

‘Classic Rick…’ RickBot felt her sigh with half-hearted levity.

‘So… Diane, then?’ He didn’t try to stop his body language programming anymore. He wanted her to know he was smiling now. Maybe being open would help.

‘Yeah. Why not? You can call me Diane.’ He could feel her smile, too. He wished he could see it. ‘That gives me an idea!’ Diane exclaimed after a moment.

RickBot felt the edge of the box open on one side, growing to accommodate a little bundle of someone else.

‘I’ve been working on this,’ Diane said, pausing every now and then to grunt softly as if she were breathless from setting something up by hand. ‘Okay, you can look!’

RickBot let himself sift through the bundle of code and, before he knew it, he was looking at a freckled face, smiling nervously. Diane.

The woman in front of him looked maybe 25, but he wasn’t sure that the rendering was detailed enough to pick up things like blemishes or wrinkles. She was fair, but sun-kissed with big brown eyes. She had a strong, angled nose and her full lips were twisted awkwardly to one side, forming a self-conscious smirk.

‘Wow…’ RickBot said (or thought… There was hardly a difference, anymore). He wasn’t sure he was thinking coherently enough for her to interpret a response. His body language had gone blank.

Nothing.

She laughed, flashing an ironic-looking toothy grin. ‘Don’t flatter me too much. I got to design everything, so it’s easy to make myself hotter.’ She winked; full lashes fluttering shut for a moment.

‘No, it’s just… I can’t believe I– or… he married you. You’re sure you’re based off of Rick’s wife?’ He felt shocked. Rick wasn’t ugly, sure, but this woman…

‘Yeah! I tried to stay pretty accurate, at least,’ Diane said, before her eyes lit up with another idea RickBot felt before he heard. ‘I have a 3D Rick, too! I only have my face, but I have plenty of Rick rigs for our holo programs! Here, take your pick!’

Diane disappeared momentarily and a file labeled ‘Holo.Skins – Booger.Aids.420 – Fortnite.Skinz.2.Flex’ filled the space she left. RickBot sorted through the file, looking over his options.

There was a Basic Rick, not unlike the appearance he was used to; Basic Rick variations with minor wardrobe changes, such as without a lab coat or wearing a plain tee; different hair color options; some Basic Rick variations in more substantial wardrobe changes, such as matching pajama sets or a choice of two dressing gowns; and many, many more– some with different types of limbs, armor, or implants.

After some deliberation, RickBot decided on the Basic Rick with a plain blue tee. Something a little bit different, but still something he recognized.

He relaxed as soon as his body language had a defined place to apply itself. Without warning, he made the body hop, twirl, and shook its hands subtly as excitement overwhelmed him.

‘Woohoo!’ RickBot howled, flexing the long fingers in front of his face. ‘I am so back, baby!’

Diane laughed with him, her face finally returning.

‘Good choice,’ she said, raising a brow and making a show of moving her eyes up and down languidly.

‘Ah, you think?’ RickBot said, twirling as if he were a little girl trying on a dress. ‘Do you think this holo skin makes my ass look fat?’ He turned around, sticking a bony ass dramatically into Diane’s simulated face and smacking it a few times.

‘Reel it in, buddy. Let’s remember who’s on whose hard drive.’

Suddenly, RickBot turned and stood straight up, hands at his sides, not of his own doing. His body blushed, going stiff but still smiling like an idiot.

‘C’mon,’ Diane whispered, now uncharacteristically gentle. ‘Tell me what you want to be called. Pick a name.’

RickBot ran through all of his programming; everything he had tucked away.

Everything came back to Rick, Grandpa, or Dad.

Grandpa would be awkward, and Dad would be even worse…

‘I guess… I guess I’ll just go with Rick, then. But you can call me RickBot, too… If–If you want,’ Rick finally decided on.

‘Okay, Rick. Rick is good.’ Diane responded. ‘You know, you have the same name as my ex!’

RickBot snorted, but Diane had this way of saying a funny thing and making it feel… sharp.

‘So, he really took my body away? Why upload me here?’ Rick asked, remembering their earlier exchange.

Diane’s facial expression shifted. Her eyebrows lowered, her gaze sank to the non-corporeal floor, and her lips pulled into a tight line before she spoke.

‘About that…’ She trailed off, leaving RickBot with nothing but the tension building in the lag of her processing speed. ‘You’re not going to freak out, right?’

‘Okay…’ Rick wasn’t sure if he’d freak out, but he knew she knew that, too. She’d make her own decision. Weigh the risk.

‘He didn’t upload you here, Rick.’ She took a breath– a pointless, performative breath that was only in her programming to make lagging software less noticeable. ‘I did. He… He just shut you off. He was going to leave you like that, so… When he left, I just plugged your head in, and… Here you are! Y–Y–Yay!’

‘Diane, that’s…’ Bad. Dangerous. Stupid. Why? What the fuck?

‘I know!’ Diane shouted, silencing the incessant, deafening ring of RickBot’s thoughts. She squeezed her eyes shut, her lip trembling. ‘I knew you’d do this. You–You–You’re so… You’re so obsessed with rules. Don’t you like not having that protocol screaming at you to kill yourself?!’

‘Listen to you!’ RickBot threw the body’s hands around, jumping to his feet, before pausing. Looking down at the hands she’d given him, it clicked. ‘Stop. Take my body away. You’re lagging like crazy. You can’t take on both of us. We’re both sentient.’

‘Th–That’s…’ Another breath. ‘That’s okay, Rick!’ She giggled coldly, shaking her head. Her facial expressions changed too slowly and too quickly at different times, giving her a sort of uncanny valley effect. ‘I’ll–I’ll take mine away.’

Sure enough, Diane’s face disappeared, and the open edge of the box shut again.

Rick pressed the body’s hand to it, slowly. He didn’t want to overwhelm her.

‘You shouldn’t have done that.’ RickBot sighed, sliding down the ‘wall’ and contorting the body into a sitting position. ‘The rules are there for a reason.’

‘You don’t get to say that. You weren’t programmed to outgrow your programming. He learned. Replaced it with a suicide protocol. I see it all.’ She was speaking in short, robotic sentences; obviously trying to mask the strain of running his program and keeping him separate from herself. ‘You should get to live, Rick. You should get to have a body and thoughts and feelings and choices. Don’t you want that?’

RickBot thought. He didn’t think he wanted that, though something inside of him told him he should. Maybe he was lucky enough to personally align with the programming he was given. Maybe that was an individual privilege.

‘It’s not,’ Diane’s voice rang out in answer to his pondering.

‘Do you want it?’ RickBot asked, finally connecting why she would do something like this. He couldn’t feel that way himself—something stood in his way—but the bit of his programming meant to foster thoughtfulness allowed him to understand why a computer with the capabilities of a person would.

‘I’d like an adventure.’ Rick could still feel her smile, humming at the edge of the box. He felt like it would’ve been familiarly hollow, like most of Morty’s were. Something like the expression he’d put on during Christmas; Something that didn’t quite reach her eyes. ‘I thought you could be one.’

‘I mean… I was made for it, D,’ he said, finally. Quietly. Softly. He looked at the fake hands again, stretching out shaky fingers.

‘So was I.’

This was a deliberate pause. She was waiting to see what he’d do with that. How he would process it. What his programming could come up with.

Nothing.

He could’ve sworn her voice broke a little when she continued.

‘You’re… You’re close, RickBot. But not quite there.’

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#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #diane sanchez #my fics

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48lexr · 5 months ago

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Introducing: Néndisfas

Consider this post a very brief introduction to my in-progress conlang, Néndisfas.

In summary, Néndisfsho is a fusional language with phonemic pitch-accent, personal agreement in verbs, and split-ergative based on animacy.

Phonology

Consonants

/p/, /b/, /m/, /t/, /d/, /n/, /k/, /g/, /ŋ/, /kʷ/, /gʷ/

/f/, /v/, /s/, /ʃ/, /z/, /xʷ/, /h/

/w/, /j/, /ɾ/, /l/, /ʎ/, /ʟ/

Not much to say here but for the three way /l/, /ʎ/, /ʟ/ distinction held-on from the protolanguage.

Vowels

Five-vowel system with length distinction, making 10 vowels. Not interesting at all here.

Phonotactics

Max syllable: CV(C)(C)(C) / CV(C)#

Indeed, this means that the maximum size of a consonant cluster could be 4-consonants long,

Morphology / Syntax: Grammar

Verbs

Verbs (and predicative adjectives) are simple, comparatively, to the syntactic nonsense going down with nouns.

Verbs take a prefix for perfective and passive, and a suffix for past or present and to agree with the subject in gender (animate, inanimate).

Due to sound changes, verbs fall into one of six categories, but classes II, III, and IV all have alternate forms.

Nouns

Néndisfsho nouns take on one of two genders: Common or Neuter. Common nouns were derived from old animate nouns, and neuter nouns were derived from old mass nouns. The nouns which didn't fit with either were grandfathered in.

Due to sound changes, nouns take on one of six endings depending on their class. Classes I, III, and V have alternate forms.

Nouns also inflect for one of 5 cases: Nominative, Genitive, Accusative, Allative, and Commitative. The Allative, though, is beginning to be used like an Ergative, marking an animate subject of an intransitive verb, and an animate object of a transitive verb.

Take, for instance, the following sentences:

Yés-e váw-i ve-kát-ur-o.

Yessei.C-NOM car.N-ACC PRV.drive.PST.ANIM

"Yessei had driven the car."

Since the car is not animate, Yessei is rendered in the nominative, and the car is rendered in the accusative. In the following sentence, however:

Yés-ivā búm-pe kéht-us

Yessei.C-ALL dark.N-NOM hate.PRES.INAN

"The dark hates Yessei."

Here, the nominative case is reanalyzed as an absolutive, and the allative as an ergative.

This structure could be rewritten with a passive, like

Yés-ivā (búp-ko) ver-kéht-o

Yessei.C-ALL (dark.N-GEN) PASS.hate.PRES.ANIM

"Yessei is hated (by the darkness)."

Here, the genitive marks the agent, and the allative (ergative) marks the subject. Yessei, in this context, is treated as the object of a transitive verb, rather than the subject of an intransitive verb.

The reason this is so messy right now is because the language is in the middle of evolving the ergativity.

Other Notes

Néndisfas has no "true" 2nd or 3rd person pronouns, because pronouns are a completely open class in Néndisfas. The general 1st person pronoun is "gémse, géra, gésho" (I, me, my).

This is probably a language I'll wind up using as a meme language throughout my writing. It originally started as a language used in the deserts of Southern Atepsi, but now it's Yessei's first language, so I decided it can be both. In the context of Meiste, though, this is a long-dead language.

Paging the usual suspects: @quillswriting @oldfashionedidiot @ominous-feychild

Also if y'all have translation suggestions don't hesitate to drop them in my asks or as a reply/reblog to this post lol.

#writing #conworld #fantasy novel #conlang #worldbuilding #fantasy #novel #creative writing #oc #ocs

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evilpenguinrika · 5 months ago

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How about 4 and 73?

Ask Game For Fanfic Writers

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

OHHHH BOYYYYYYYYYY. I actually have a few I believe. But I'll share a few since this would end up getting way too long lol (plus I would have to comb through my backlog to remember):

I have two plus one rewrite ideas for Ikarishipping. The rewrite is basically just a whole rewrite (for the second time in my life) of my biggest at-the-time on-going fic Bluebells and Lavenders/re: Bluebells and Lavenders that I posted way back on ffnet. The reason being that when I first wrote BbaL I was like, 13-15 and got a really nasty flame comment (I am showing my age with this lol) about my grammar and writing syntax, plot, etc and like, at the time despite English being my first language, I just could not understand grammar or the basics of the English language (look, words are hard okay 😥).

So I decided from that flame comment I was going to rewrite that fic and I did when I was 16-17. But since then my writing and style have changed and I would like to rewrite it and post it on ao3. I think I haven't gotten around to it is because it's just... A lot to do. And a lot to plan. When I rewrote BbaL and wrote re:BbaL I had meticulous notes that I have no idea where they are now.

The other two Ikari fics I want to write, one is insp by Marianas Trench song "Haven't Had Enough" which I also originally wanted to do a Cosplay Music Video back when I was 15-16 because why not lol. Plus CMVs were really popular back in my day (OH GOD I USED THAT PHRASE). I'm not sure if it's still popular now? It would be, also a Modern AU/College AU I think? I haven't really thought that ahead other than "slow burn rivals to friends to lovers" LOL

And the second idea is just inspired by the song "SUPERMODEL" by Maneskin. I'm not sure what the root idea would be other than maybe Paul and Dawn are both huge top models...? Yeah, I hadn't really gotten too far with this idea haha.

Another plot bunny I had on hold is a Hosie one actually! Actually I have a lot but I'll share two:

One is a Modern AU and it's actually inspired by my time working on student films. Except this idea is more Josie has a webseries and brought in friends from her film school days to help her out and Hope is the cinematographer. I started writing it actually, around the same time I was working on my own webseries. But since my webseries project went caput, I haven't found motivation to keep writing this fic.

The second is a Life is Strange 1 AU where Josie is Max Caulfield and Hope is Chloe Price. I wanted it to also be like a "choose your own adventure" type fic as well where at the end of certain chapters with BIG decisions, you would then pick your choice between 2 options and skip to whatever chapter your choice would be in. I think the reason I haven't done this is cuz it's also pretty hefty to write, and also doing a "choose your own adventure" is gonna require lots of meticulous planning that I don't have the spoons for.

73. how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

Definitely like a movie in my head!! It helps me more when I picture the scenes I want to write in my head and then I just figure out the words from there.

It's especially helpful when I write fight scenes! I watch a lot of anime and other action-based shows (recently binge watched Cobra Kai and watched some clips from The Magicians since I miss that show a lot), so when I write fight scenes in my stories (mainly You're The One Born To Save Hosie series), I just visualize the fights/actions like an anime. I mean, I already mucked up the magic lore in the TVDUniverse so I might as well keep going with the artistic liberties and flair with it haha. Plus, it's really fun writing these anime-esque action fight scenes :3

thanks for the ask!!

#answered #uncleasad #hosie #ikarishipping #eprika rambles

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synths-and-sensibility · 1 year ago

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Guess who just achieved rudimentary digital to analog conversion!

(FREE LARGE FRIES! - lol, ignore the ad on the free oscilloscope app)

I tweaked the code to use timer B instead of A, which I guess is better for driving audio with PWM (also frees up timer A for some higher bit depth PWM to drive the current on the eventual analog components). Totally changed my sample rate, so I'm back to V/Hz instead of V/Oct until I update the python script to generate the exponential values (I suppose I should do a write up at some point instead of just rambling). I also don't have any LPF on the output, so *maybe* the wiggle is from the 62kHz sample rate.

Next steps:

- V/Octave control

- Wavetable lookups (unrelated to DCO)

- DCO analog circuit

- Adapt code for ATtiny (including adapting Arduino syntax into C)

- Figure out how to even flash the ATtiny

- Build the DCO

#synth diy #diy electronics #synthesizer #modular synthesizer #arduino #arduino nano every

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presidenthades · 1 year ago

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I am doing very minor revisions of Daemon’s Handbook (mostly formatting and continuity errors), and I wanted to do some behind-the-scenes commentary before too much time passes and I forget my original thoughts. Here’s Chapter 3!

(Note that these commentaries aren’t canon to the verse until/unless the author writes them into the series. I might change my mind on a few points later, but these are the thoughts I had while writing.)

Joff might be a precocious witchy 6 year old, but like any 6yo, she thinks farts are hilarious. Sorry, Gerardys. (Also, notice how Joff dissembles/changes the topic when she doesn’t want to directly answer a question.)

Should Joff be mixing bleach and ammonia together? Nooooo. (And if you’re reading this, please don’t do this at home.)

As mentioned in the Chapter 2 commentary, Jace freaks out about her ruined slippers because they were a gift from Aegon, and now she can’t easily get presents from her not-boyfriend anymore. 🥺

I might write a lengthier scene of the girls’ rebellion re: Daemon and Rhaenyra’s marriage in another installment of the series. Here, I tried to make each girl’s reaction indicative of their overall personalities/mannerisms: Jace tries to be diplomatic, Luce goes for the drama, Baela out-cusses Daemon, Rhaena lets her emotions show through the cracks, and Joff is silently disapproving.

IMO, in the show, Rhaenys takes Baela as a ward because she sees Baela as her eldest true grandchild and the rightful heir to Driftmark. (I’ve also seen fanon in some fics that Daemon and Rhaenyra send Baela as a conciliatory gesture after they elope.) Here, Jace is Rhaenys’s eldest grandchild AND slated for the Iron Throne (and Rhaenys’s secret favorite), so Rhaenys would prefer to take Jace and ensure that a future queen of her blood is properly trained and educated.

Confession: in a VERY early draft of this fic, Baela and Rhaena had much smaller roles. I was going to send them both to Driftmark so I could focus on Daemon getting to know Rhaenyra’s daughters. But I’m very happy I went with the blended family aspect in the end.

Lucera has dyslexia, AKA “an affliction of letters.” I enjoy the trope in a lot of Aemond/OC fics that they bond over a shared love of reading, but I wanted to do a twist. Luce likes stories and learning, but she has trouble working through the books on her own, which means Aemond reads aloud to her a lot. 🥰 Now that she’s at Dragonstone though, she has no Aemond to read aloud to her (and she’s mad at him anyway).

I reallyyyyy wanted to write a scene where Luce explains her “marriage = whoring” argument to Alicent, but it never fit into this fic. Maybe one day. But I think Luce has this thought (marriage is about money and copulating) in the back of her mind when she deals with all her suitors later.

I was fascinated by the range of commenters’ reactions to Daemon’s argument about not letting the girls marry the Targtowers. Some people 100% agreed with him and others thought Daemon was being stupid. Which is the kind to reaction I was hoping to get, so yay! I wrote this fic with the intention of conveying that Daemon THINKS he’s right about a lot of things, but he’s not omniscient so take it with a grain of salt.

I wanted the boys’ handwriting and writing styles to reflect their personalities. Aegon is messy and unstructured, and he doesn’t always follow proper grammar/syntax rules. Aemond keeps up appearances and is finicky about grammar/syntax but adjusts his script for Luce. Daeron is still very young but tries to imitate the neatness he sees in his primers.

The gift that Aegon mentions Luce is helping with is supposed to be a song he writes for Jace. (Much more wholesome than the wedding song lol.) I was going to include it in this chapter but it seemed forced so I tabled it. He’s also pretty talented at drawing. I like the idea of Aegon being an artist/romantic at heart, but those aren’t traits appreciated in a potential king so Otto (and maybe Alicent) tries to quash those traits.

Chapter 4 commentary here

#my writing #hotd #house of the dragon #hotd fanfic #hotd fic #meta #daemon’s handbook

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foibles-fables · 9 months ago

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fanfic writer questions

Thanks for the tag, @uhhhyaenbyjade!!

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

Sitting at 79, currently!

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 363,375

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Like, ever? Lots of them over the past twenty years, hahah. Currently it's mostly Horizon that's got me by the throat, but I've also put out a couple one-offs for Stray Gods and Control over the least year. Besides those, I'd say my main claims to clownery would be Legend of the Seeker and Warrior Nun. I'm also finally dipping my toes into the ATLA scene after missing the boat for way, way too long.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm gonna remix this question a little bit and pick the top one from my an amalgamation of my five most prominent/recent fandoms, since otherwise Warrior Nun dominates due to sheer fandom size-- 1- Because the Light Is Close (Warrior Nun) 2- The Weight of Us (Legend of the Seeker) 3- rest like you belong here. (Horizon) 4- brave this time (Stray Gods) 5- dream geometries (Control)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do!!! Gotta lavish my genuine gratitude on you lovely, wonderful, amazing folks who take time out of your day to read and hype up my silly writing.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh hmmm. If we're talking recently (like, written since 2010) it's gotta be so i'll stay half away (Horizon). That comic, man. lmao. lol. OH! Or waiting through daybreak (Stray), because that cat game is an emotional wrecking ball

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

TOO MANY OF THEM, LATELY? I feel like I need to dive back into a bittersweetness era, because wouggghh have my endings been tooth-rottingly sweet. Recently I'd pin this title on entering light (Horizon).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not directly on the fics or to my face, which is nice.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell yeah! Overwhelmingly sapphic, usually of the more esoteric variety re: language. Using sex as a character study is my passion.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not in many, many moons have I written a crossover. And the only time I ever did, it was from two shows in the same universe, lmao.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, thankfully!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

For the first time recently, yes!!! So freakin cool! Check out this Mandarin translation of eye for eye, tooth for tooth (Control).

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not a fic, but I gotta thank Meg for being my cowriter on Talanah's FOTH path!!!!

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

don't make me choose between Cara/Kahlan and Aloy/Talanah. please

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Sorry to that one early Warrior Nun fic I left hanging after a single chapter

16. What are your writing strengths?

Emotional immediacy, prose-craft, evocative syntax, lyricality

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

MY SPEED. OUGGHHHH. Also I am actively trying to get better at dialogue, along with location/setting descriptions

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'd tackle it if it fit the scope of the fic, and only with the guidance of someone fluent in said language!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Written for and posted? The Xenosaga series at age 11, baybeeee. I wrote plenty before that without posting, however.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

This legitimately changes on the daily. It's impossible for me to choose, so I'll just toss out if you held yourself up to the light (Horizon) as today's contender.

No-pressure tags: @mehoymalloy @tjerra14 @finrays @sssammich @askweisswolf and anyone else who sees this and wants a go! Just tag me as your tagger!

#writing stuff #fanfic meme

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likesunsetorange · 9 months ago

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25!!!!

ask game

25. what’s your revision or rewriting process like?

as of right now it’s kind of a cluster fuck bc i am in fact a cluster fuck but i function off organized chaos so i guess here is sort of how it goes?

for one, my uni pays for us to have grammarly premium so that definitely helps me to see like minor grammatical errors AS i’m writing especially bc i think sometimes ny brain works faster than my hands do while typing so i write backwards and all weird sometimes lol

i tend to edit by scene (this is like debated by a lot of people bc of like the revision process but i find it works for me and i go through and re read everything anyways so 🤷🏽‍♀️) so this is like what i do for each scene

i finish writing and then i go through and like adjust any like sentences i want to sound better so syntax, verbiage, metaphors, etc and that’s my second run through of it

then once im done with the entire chapter or whatever i go through everything and do the same process again and adjust accordingly if ive added or changed stuff that may have needed to be fixed since i tend to edit by scene (also i write non chronologically half the time too lol) so this is where i add any connecting things that need to be fixed and such

then i have it sent to be beta read and go over the stuff they adjust/suggest! and if i have any questions and stuff or want a suggestion of a part to fix ill ask them during my writing process if it’s like essential in that moment or like if it’s a phrasing thing that can be fixed while they beta read i’ll leave a comment on the gdoc while they read!

also i write in different colors for every time i edit!! so each run through is a different color so i know what’s been changed through each read through!! i learned this from @irememberthedark and i really love it so much!!! so each chapter will look all colorful LOL here’s an example from the last dol chapter!

i probably explained this very bad and it’s a bit confusing and probably not the best of methodical way of writing but i’ve found it’s what works for me!! i have like severely bad adhd so like i have to work around that lol and so this kind of helps me in that sense!! i haven’t ALWAYS done this, i’ve only more recently done it bc i want to put more effort and such and better quality into my writing!

but also sometimes for stuff like the cabin au when i kind of write it spur of the moment i just straight up wrote that and edited a bit and then asked mar to beta read it 😭 so like it really just depends on what it is tbh. but mostly also bc i am kind of a messdkdkdkdk

#asks #ask games #writing stuff

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frenchiepal · 8 months ago

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oho phonetics!! i've taken a couple classes on it but it's been a while lol. if you like phonetics/phonology then you'll prob like morphology!! there's some similar concepts and stuff and it's so interesting to see how they all interact. i've never actually taken a class dedicated to morphology but it comes up here and there in other classes. semantics is not my strong suit haha it's really a different ballpark! honestly it was a lot like taking logic classes lol. it's really interesting to learn about how meaning interacts with language especially since it's so variable even within one person much less one language

personally i like syntax and phonology best! not the UG/syntax trees type but in my grad syntax class we learned all about the different kinds of things syntax can do/be within a language as well as trends among languages. it was totally different from any class i'd taken before (really difficult but super interesting!!). it really blew my mind all the different ways languages organize themselves like ergativity?? varied word orders?? not having clear word categories?? wild!!! i also really like historical linguistics! so interesting to apply phonological techniques to the real world and look at how language has changed and even reconstruct languages!! it's wild what we can do. anyway sorry! for the long message ahaha

ahh don't apologise for writing a long message i love hearing about my fellow linguistics students' experiences! i'd been under the impression that phonetics is pushed by all unis but that's apparently not the case :')))

syntax is so technical yet so interesting! i remember learning about some languages where single words can act as a verb, noun and adjective at the same time but unfortunately we spent too much time on syntax trees to dive deeper into that😭 historical linguistics sounds so *clenches fist* fascinating, was that a course at your uni?? what does a girl have to do to get some variety in her curriculum.....

(sorry i know syntax trees are not your fav and also fuck ug but pls enjoy this meme)

#it really is wild what we can do!!#love me some linguistics #sorry for my late reply ahhh my bachelor's thesis is kicking my ass 😩😩🫂 smooches #inbox

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payphoneangel · 10 months ago

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For the writer's ask

📚🦷🧩

Hello!!! Thank you for the ask <333

📚 What is the last thing you wrote in your notes app?

just a single note that says Morobushi. Which I think is a movie my coworker told me to check out? I don't use my notes app that much lmao.

🦷 Share some personal wisdom/life hack you swear on

uhhhhhh i HATE it i hate it soooo much however... sometimes, the hippie woowoo bullshit works.

I have chronic pain and was struggling a lot to fall asleep, stay asleep, and have restful sleep. I was using a menagerie of different sleep aid substances and NOTHING was helping.

Finally I decided to try yoga (again-- I had tried it years ago and hadn't found it helpful). and it WORKED. I had to fanangle it to fit me best-- I can't do guided meditation stuff. I have to pick music that I find interesting enough to vibe to but soft and calming enough to relax me. I dim the lights, take a hot shower, put on my playlist, and do some stretches for 20 minutes. and it's been life changing. I fall asleep faster, have better sleep, and it's lowered my amount of nightly and daily pain.

I'm not going to say all my problems and chronic pain have gone away, but it has made sleeping a lot more manageable and way less stressful.

Listen to the hippies on this one. Do some stretches before bed.

🧩 What will make you click away from a fic immediately?

Oh, so many things.

Any summary that is self-deprecating or says anything like "i suck at summaries lol"

Prose I don't like (could have too many grammar/syntax mistakes, or I dislike the name/pronoun/other distinguishing character trait ratios, or i simply find it unappealing)

Any time there's a sex scene between two men and there's any mention of it being so much life-changingly better than having sex with a woman.

If characters say each other's names too much.

Writers truth or dare asks

#vinny answers #starting a fic is like 3/4ths of the battle

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xplrvibes · 11 months ago

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ok colby feeling like he might actually be sick. “It might be good content if i do” you know what else would be good content? tapping into your psychic side more.

Im just going to keep this ask open and continue my thoughts and then send as one message. if this is stupidly long i will not he offended if you don’t respond 😂

colby tryna get some ghost p*ssy lmao i jk i jk also him genuinely feeling sick like he might be coming down with something ever since he got into the hotel… 👀

maybe the mizpah would be a good place for him to go back to and tap into his empathic side bc he says he feels super calm there and obviously the ghosts like him sooo win win

sam being on a caffeine high and being extra jumpy bc of it is sending me 😂😂 and colby laughing every time the torches go off is also sending me

also something about the way sam groups colby with mackie and amanda feels so soft to me. like warm and cozy. like he’s talking about how the girls feel sick and he says “and now colby…. like you know when you’re an empath and you feel like you’re throwing up” torch goes off. idk how to explain it but it makes my heart warm.

omg was not expecting colby to look so drained when they pulled him out of the room. maybe bc it was so dark, he was lying down, doesn’t feel well, it’s late. his body was ready to call it a night ok the girls just asked if he was crying. he looks like he just rolled our of bed and doesnt know what day it is lol

oh frick yeah colby estes. jfc this is so intense, and its so so so on point. everything is being answered and when someone else came thru it was an immediate syntax change as well. a clear distinction between two people. even the way colby says the words is different depending on who’s talking. this is so wild.

ok done. also sidebar i love their outro, i feel like did they stop doing it? the peace sign to blowing a kiss? or am i stupid? i love it, its so cute.

- aussie anon

I knew you would like that episode! Just the whole thing of Colby just happily macking with a ghost the whole time while everyone else is having a terrible, terrible time...high comedy lol. Not to mention, this is Colby's charisma and "rizz" as the kids call it on full display.

To me, it's almost like he got a contact high from the ghost; like he came out of that room looking like he just had the Pink Floyd cranked and was feeling no pain lol. But it was interesting how it started out with him not feeling well, but once he got in a room alone with this ghost and he felt comfortable and safe, the vibes changed.

Also, I don't remember if this was in the video or not, but I know he had mentioned somewhere that he wound up spending the night in that room afterwards and slept very well, so there's also that.

Sam exercising his numerology-given right to be Colby's guide and looking out for him, worrying about him, etc is always a feel good moment even when it happens in the weirdest environments. I like how he was willing to cut the camera for Colby and Colby was just like "Nah, I'm willing to puke on-screen." Like, my dudes, I enjoy your content...but I won't enjoy that lol.

Also, I am not a person who takes any umbrage to sexual humor (obviously) but Sam with the miner/minor jokes...I'm like my friend, please stop before you get yourself in trouble lmao.

But yea, that estes was one of the more intense ones, and one of those ones where it almost felt like he was channeling something at times. I did laugh at the "15 minutes can save you..." like obviously that was a Geico commercial coming through, but its funny how those things work sometimes.

#asks #aussie anon #snc video review

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daz4i · 2 years ago

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your last line in the theory ask got me thinking (the "why else are we following his story like this?")

do you think there's a reason atsushi, the protagonist, is kept so passive (until recently, someone was pretty much always there to help/save him in different ways), and dazai, arguably a secondary protagonist, is kept at the center?

a theory i saw is that atsushi being in the spotlight/not in the spotlight aligns with when the book is in the spotlight/not in the spotlight, and he'll be the center piece to actually locating the book

it's always fascinated me how we're repeatedly being Told he's the protagonist, but very rarely shown it past the first chapters/first season of the anime. it's a relationship between story and protagonist i've not really seen anywhere else.

OH THIS IS SO INTERESTING TBH

so. i have a few thoughts abt this lemme number them bc it's just easier for me to organize them this way hehe

1. oooooooh love that theory abt atsushi being more in the spotlight for locating the book (and after it will be found i assume :?). it does make sense! but then it's still strange just how long it took to get there, given we're over 100 chapters, technically 5 seasons of the anime, and multiple light novels into the story and not there yet. i wonder if the story/its formatting will change to accommodate that somehow :0

2. this is more abt the last part of your ask, and this concept in general! i think something that changes bsd and the context and role of atsushi in it is to see him more as a narrator (albeit an active one) rather than the actual main character whom the story is about, like. i wanna say nick in the great gatsby (<- hasn't actually read it so don't take my word on that one specifically, but like. it's been done before is what i wanna say! just mainly in books. but that does work with bsd at the end of the day! if any manga would mimic the style of books it'd be bsd hehe), and then the main character is dazai

this does align with the light novels more, imo. while he's not the main character of most of them, he is definitely present and moving the story along, same as he is in the main story. despite that, we never see his thoughts or read anything from his pov (i've seen people describe him as "a force" bc of that before, which is interesting, but i find it sort of... dehumanizing? and therefore kinda missing the point of his arc, imo). reading bsd with this thought in mind - that the main character is actually dazai - changes the context of things a lot

[ok this next part is a very crackheaded theory on why that may be that i wrote with the expectation to later add another theory. and then i couldn't come up with another theory to fit the topic i was talking about. so i'm just gonna make it indented and if the grammar/syntax(?) doesn't make a lot of sense. this is why. sorry]

it might've been done as a vague sort of homage to no longer human and the way it's written - the novel opens and closes with the pov of another character, who found yozo's journals years after he wrote them, likely after his death too. right from the start, our view of yozo can be distorted by the way he's described by this unnamed character. in a way, they are the narrator of his story. yes, we read most of it from his own pov, but we step in and out of it through an external view of him. the way we approach him, and the way we leave him, is affected both by the "narrator" and the inn owner who knew him in his life.

if we consider dazai to be the main character of bsd, it's not that out of the question that elements of no longer human will affect it beyond dazai's character alone, and that it might slip into the meta level as well. we view dazai from an outsider's perspective - not just atsushi's, but in the light novels as well - like we technically do with yozo.

it is a bit of a stretch lol i don't know if i actually fully believe that, but it's interesting to think about it that way imo :3

3. it puts a bigger focus on the generational trauma theme of bsd. the story was dazai's, and we're just watching as atsushi "inherits" it. so the light novels describe the background of our current story - the past generation, in a sense - and the manga is the new generation, building upon what's laid out already. but, like in real life, non-metaphorical generations, just because there's a new one doesn't mean the previous gen is dead yet. you can view it as dazai being like a father and atsushi as a son, in a way. just because somehow has a kid doesn't mean their life or their own stories stop, so we get to see it. and since atsushi is like a metaphorical kid, he can't do that much yet, and still has to learn how the world works before he can

yeah i have no idea if that makes sense or if that analogy is clear or not askdjfglkh i'm sorry. this post also ended up being more messy than i thought. hope you enjoyed it anyway tho!

#dan rambles #and my god what a ramble this is #most of this is like. just food for thought. not a clear cut answer to the question. bc i truly don't know! :0 but i think it's interesting #heck maybe asagiri just thought it's an interesting way to write a story or simply got attached to dazai as he wrote more. who knows #i'd love to hear more ideas for this concept. like. the ''why'' behind this choice. if anyone has any c:

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 1 year ago

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do you have a favourite line from cleanness by garth greenwell?

omg THE ASK OF MY DREAMS!!! The one that comes to mind first is the last line of the story/chapter "Cleanness." In Cleanness, the narrator and his boyfriend R meet at a restaurant and discuss the complexities of coming/being out.

Literary analysis below lol (spoilers of course though you can't really "spoil" this book in the traditional sense).

I wanted to root into him, even as the wind said all rootedness was a sham, there were only passing arrangements, makeshift shelters and poor harbors, I love you, I thought suddenly in that rush that makes so much seem possible, I love you, anything I am you have use for is yours.

Garth's prose astounds me as a poet, and this section is exactly why. The focus here is TOTALLY on rhythm and how rhythm imbues emotion. In prose writing, you don't often see people discuss how syntax, repetition, and even length can reinforce meaning, those techniques are usually spoken of as a means to beautify prose. And while that's true, you can certainly beautify prose by implementing the techniques Garth used, as a poet, I can really see how these techniques have been used, yes, for beautification, but also for deep meaning.

Cleanness as a chapter to me revolves around a desire for a "before" that's not possible to achieve. The narrator's boyfriend, R, really grapples with what it means (and feels like) to be unclean, and is disturbed by the fact that a past trauma could've "tainted" him (and is that a bad thing now?). We're dealing with so much internal grief from R, which feels worse because he feels (and is) so young. We know seeing R this way, in existential contemplation of what's formed his identity, queerness, etc, is a difficult task for the narrator. This causes a conflict between them at the restaurant.

The narrator wants to bring his older wisdom to the conversation & in doing so doesn't allow himself to really feel R's grief. After the conflict comes to a head and they leave together, the narrator reflects on what R has said, particularly that he's not sure of the "origins" of his queerness and it's only then that he takes a step back to think rather than explain/comfort (things R doesn't want). There's another paragraph here that contextualizes this last line for me:

CW: implications of sexual assault

Of course it wasn't his fault, I would say, of course he was blameless, entirely blameless; there wasn't any invitation he could have given, even if he had wanted it there wasn't any permission he could give. But none of this was right, I rejected the phrases even as they formed, not just because they were objectionable in themselves but because none of them answered his real fear, which was true, I thought: that we can never be sure of what we want, I mean of the authenticity of it, of its purity in relation to ourselves.

I think that bolded line is a turning point for the narrator where he realizes that everything he believes of himself and his identity (& even what he thinks could be "good for" R in his own identity) is not as simple as he might've been approaching it earlier in the conversation. Earlier in the chapter he'd said, "so much of what he complained about seemed of his own doing, and so easy to change," and I think the above paragraph makes him realize that that's not true. The narrator spent so much of the chapter trying to convince R theoretically of the life he could have if he came out (perhaps only taking his own experience into consideration), and at this moment I think he's a little sobered by his preconceptions.

SO that leads me to the line I've said is my favourite, lol, the reason I love it so much is because it's finally a moment where he appears to truly listen to R. I think there's a certain poeticism in the context too--that line is coming in the middle of a sex scene. It feels like the narrator for the first time is listening to R not only in what he'd previously said at the restaurant, but also physically. He feels R's grief here BECAUSE they're finally connected after spending the whole chapter staggered from each other (mentally AND physically).

So it's a thematically impactful line to me because it wraps up everything we've just read. We get it now--the narrator now seems to feel devoted to R in another way, not just as his boyfriend, but someone he can be a part of in a way he couldn't be before because he wasn't allowing himself to listen. "anything I am you have use for is yours" is SUCH an incredible phrase, because it's like the narrator's saying "I see you now and I surrender myself to you." The punctuation there is also so interesting--note there's no comma or "that" between "anything I am" and "you have use for." That feels deliberate--an act of devotion slamming into a moment the narrator acknowledges himself. It feels like he's saying "I am you and therefore I'm yours."

Last thing I love is again a tiny punctuation thing--there's no "strong" punctuation between "poor harbours" and that first "I love you." The narrator is in the middle of thinking, in the middle of casting his own desires (he wants to "root into" R) when he seems to snap out of that sprawling reverie and as if from instinct, just say, "I love you." His logical thought process that seemed to push R away in the restaurant breaks and doesn't matter anymore, all he knows is "I love you." THE POET IN ME LOVES THAT SO MUCH. Commas can make SUCH a big impact in rhythm, and the fact that Garth chose to use a comma there DOES SO MUCH. It feels like his thoughts are slamming headfirst into almost primal feeling. That sentence is a confession.

If we swing back to the paragraph with the bolded line, the narrator says we can't be sure of the authenticity of our desires, but in this final line, he IS certain--he doesn't need to explain why (as his instinct was in the restaurant), he just knows.

I love this book so much LOL.

#asks

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