#from my brain to your dash

[circledwithaheart]

Buck is a few shots deep (when did he switch to shots?) with his new bar buddy. An attractive older guy who, as it turns out, also used to work at the 118 under Captain Nash.

"You worked with Bobby?" Buck lights up and rambles on before the guy can answer. "That means you must've worked with Hen and Chim, right?"

The guy mumbles a few things that Buck can't hear, and probably doesn't want to, before confirming he worked with Hen and Howie.

"Yeah, right. Howie. You know he married my sister? Gave me the cutest little niece." Buck beams and pulls out his phone to show off the album of Jee Yun photos. And then the other thought strikes again.

They look about the same age. It's possible, he thinks. Well, it's not impossible. Buck goes to pocket his phone again, only he misses his shirt entirely and it clatters on the table.

"Sorry 'bout that, uh, so if you worked with them- did you, uh, work with, uh, T-tommy? Tommy Kinard?"

Why is the name that used to slide off his tongue so easily now trip and stutter like it doesn't belong there?

The guy laughs, not seeming to notice Buck's elocution issues, and takes another shot. “Fuck, I’m getting too old for this shit.”

He spins the empty shot glass like a top. “Kinard? Yep, sure did. One of the best partners I could've asked for. At least he got to leave on his own terms.”

Buck furrows his brow, something familiar scratching at the back of his tequila addled brain. “What, uh, what did you say your name was again?”

“I didn’t,” the guy says matter of factly.

“But, you seem like a nice guy, so I'll tell you," he adds with a wink. "It’s Deluca. Sal Deluca.”

Buck's heard the name, a few stories here and there. Heard he moved to the 122, but doesn't know why.

"You transferred, right?" Buck asks cautiously.

The guy - Sal - shrugs his acknowledgement. "More or less. Anyway, I guess I better amend my introduction then. It's actually Captain Deluca. But Sal is fine. Or just Deluca."

"Buck."

Sal looks at him like he's got three heads. "Is that something new the kids are saying these days or...?"

"No, uh, 's m'name. Buck. Well, Evan Buckley, but you can call me Buck."

Sal studies him for a second before holding a hand out. "Nice to meet you, kid."

They shake hands and Buck thinks about the way Sal called him 'kid'. It's not like when Tommy said it. More like Bobby or Chim. Familial.

"Sorry to drink and run, but I gotta get home," Sal says, pushing out of his chair. "Wife's gonna kill me if I'm home too late."

"Oh, yeah. Sure. Maybe I'll see you around."

"Yeah, maybe." Then he's throwing some cash on the table and walking away.

~~~~~

As soon as he's out of sight, Sal taps on the camera app. It's probably a little unethical to surreptitiously be taking photos of the kid- Buck- but it's for a good cause.

Once upon a time he might have tried to pick him up, something about the kicked puppy look pulls at his heartstrings. Among other things. But now he's a happily married man with a whole brood to think about. Gina really would kill him, decorated fire captain or not.

He swipes over to messages and fires off a quick text.

Met your boy tonight. Christ Kinard he’s as bad as you. Should really put yourselves out of your collective misery.

It doesn't take long before the bubbles appear.

I did, remember? It's better this way.

Sal attaches the picture this time.

Better for who, exactly?

The bubbles appear and disappear again, until his screen eventually goes dark and no more responses come. Sal sighs and gets in the cab of his truck, contemplating another text, but ultimately decides against it. Tommy will talk when he's ready.

He steals another glance through the giant plate glass window where Buck is still sitting, sullen and lost, albeit with what looks like water this time.

"I hope it works out, kid, and he doesn't wait too long." Sal pushes aside the phantom acrid scent of a dinner forgotten in the oven while they fucked on the kitchen floor, the fear in Tommy's eyes when Sal asked when they could tell people about them. Because it had been months of sneaking around to each other's apartments. Of being more than just work partners- or so he thought. "Maybe he'll get his head out of his ass before it's too late this time."

[sheepalmighty]

Some more of that Chai joins Vandelay for half a day AU. Or just a picture of a kinda OOC Kale chilling if you wanna gloss over those comics. I'm still not sure if the colours are too garish or not.

These were mostly done with the premise of treating Kale's office like the hideout. I also really like how mundane, or familiar, the interactions between Chai and Kale can be in the game so I wanted to draw some stuff exploring more like that. But also, there's the ulterior motive of shipping so I included an out of context scene because I can't bother drawing the rest of it (though it seems like a huge jump in their relationship as a result. I think they're so big headed that they get stuck in a feedback loop of stroking the other's ego if an excuse comes up to do so)

[charmonys]

❝  ...  ❞  picks  up  a  bingo  sheet.  picks  up  a  bingo  sheet.  picks  up  a  bingo  sheet.  (  so  much  paper.  )  picks  up  a  bingo  sheet …

[okiedokiegoosey]

theories w/ rocki bc @caterva told me to put it on the dash:

today's edition: cooper howard is not a naturally occurring ghoul.

i am pointedly putting this on lucy and not barb because we're going to talk about how it affects lucy and cooper's interactions. i may expand upon it on barb later. under the cut bc i am long winded and do not want to clog your dash with my cooper was an experiment theory.

disclaimer: these are my thoughts and opinions and that's it. they aren't law. do not have to apply to anyone. they're just here as thoughts and theories. that's it.

let's discuss how cooper howard is nothing like a naturally occurring ghoul in the fallout universe.

the first time we meet the ghoul, he's in the ground, and he's let up every year by dom pedro, but he's hooked to the same chem that's in the vials via iv. this directly goes against the general knowledge of natural ghouls being a. highly chem resistant and b. able to go on for at least a few decades without intervention for turning feral. it's important to note that todd howard himself said the show was canon, so that means game lore is in play here.

he called himself a bucket of drugs, which also, doesn't make sense to a naturally occurring ghoul or his personal character motives and development to that point. chem addiction itself is not uncommon in the fallout universe, but if we take his character as a whole. he takes it as it comes, he's a bucket of drugs. we see no indication in his supply that it's a chem addiction. hancock had a chem addiction that started his ghoulification. howard? yeah. no way.

and we have to consider how close he was to the memories of his past life after two hundred years and what he says about torture to lucy. he strung her up and lucy immediately dived into her own memories and personal mission to make him see reason. he immediately brings up studies, and if you look at his face, you can see a whole play of emotions before he said anything. that points in the direction of him having been where she was at some point. on the receiving end of what he perceived as torture.

so, let's say he was an experiment and not the product of continued radiation exposure. that also explains why his reaction was SO BIG to lucy smashing his supply. There is something inherently wrong with his regeneration and degeneration rates to need support beyond maybe radaway/radx on occasion to keep the radiation at a healthier rate? If the radiation were that bad, for him to need chem support so frequently, people would be dropping like flies due to the radiation. we don't see any evidence of that.

in theory, there's more than enough evidence to say he was tested on in a vault (hence why he knew at least janey made it in to one and not where she went after) and he likely wasn't the most willing to go in but did it for his daughter (dad of the century. take notes hank). If they'd separated them under the guise of protocol, he likely would've been more receptive to letting janey go before they went to night night sleep. it would also explain why he asks where the hell they are, because he knows for a fact at least janey is in a vault and likely trusts barb followed her own plan and went in one, too (more on that later. on barb). yes, he hated vault tec. that isn't up for debate. what is up for debate is how far he went to protect his daughter. his memory of where he knew she should be is too clear to indicate he was knocked out at any point. he knows they're in the vaults. that part he doesn't debate. he wouldn't know that unless he put janey in one himself. it would be more likely that he assumed at least she died.

now, what does this have to do with lucy? i'd be kinda hostile if i saw someone in a vault tec suit and i was their pet project, too. let's be clear about that. It's how he tells her he's her and to give it time is what I want to draw on first. we assume he means physically given the constant callback to her checking her radiation levels, but consider he meant mentally. that he too was a product of their design and look at how he turned out. he'd already called it quits with vault tec before the drop to think that kept him bitter. something in what we didn't see has his ire for them even higher.

plus, the name maclean would've triggered some memory. moldaver, too. we saw that. we know he's got a good grip on his mind (another reason the constant chem recall makes no sense in the grand scheme of things). i truly think his initial motive with lucy was to fuck with her because of her connection to vault tec. it was luck and chance she was useful to his personal mission, at least in the beginning.

let's put this naive (not dumb unless it's street smarts, in which she has no experience) girl in front of someone who has been through hell and back and still just wants to find her family. You see he's still capable of humanity (which goes against him being on the edge of turning feral too) because he does, in a way take responsibility for her, covers for her, and at least invites her along later.

nothing about this is to say the relationship can't turn romantic, okay? we aren't discussing that. if you want that for what you're writing, go for it. the room for interpretation is a beautiful thing, but at the very least, he cares enough about her to help her see her mission through to the end, too.

we aren't even going to mention the ghoul organs for sale which really wouldn't do anyone any good unless they're for science and research, which feeds back into the logic that someone is running experiments.

AGAIN ROCKI; TL;DR: all of this is to say that there are inconsistencies in the lore we know about ghouls and cooper howard to say he was a naturally occurring ghoul. his chem dependence leads to inaccuracies of his own cognitive function, and he was likely experimented on. it also explains why dom pedro kept him as he did in it's own way. his chem dependence also makes him unique in terms of a ghoul, and it's my theory that vault tec made him the way that he is.

[briefcasejuice]

i don't have a continuous/relentless internal monologue in the way people usually describe it but i am always thinking about something

[drownbad]

Have I forgotten you somewhere before?

Ahoy.

Did you know that I don't actually know any of you?

I don't mean that to enforce distance.

I mean, I don't actually remember all, or, really, any of you.

At best, when I wake up in the morning, I don't know the shape of my own face until I see it, let alone anybody else's. I don't even remember what my brother's face looks like, and I'm sitting next to him as I'm writing this.

On here, the only things I see are shifting colors and letters.

I've forgotten more people than I've met. I feel a kind of grief for that.

How many of you have been here since the beginning, if at all? How many of you remember me before the reef tank post? How many of you remember how many names I went through before I disabled my list?

How many of you remember a talk we had together?

How many of you remember a time I told you something about me?

How many of you have known me, befriended me, seen me every day on the dash, and watched me drift away and away and away as I lose you in the notifications and the posts and the name changes and the deactivations and the deaths and the blocks and the unfollows?

How many of you are actually reading this? How many of you are actually real? How many of you aren't just numbers and lines of code?

Who are you?

Please.

I'm sorry I forgot you.

And if I haven't and we've only just met, then I'm sorry if I forget you after.

Somebody new or somebody old, anybody at all, if you want, introduce yourselves. If I forgot you or you forgot me, I want to hear about what you thought of me.

If you've only just met me, somehow, somewhere, near or far wherever you are, I'd like to hear more about you, whatever you want to share. What you eat, what you've seen, what you wish you could, what you wish you hadn't. Anything.

Hi.

I'm Bis.

I go some places and come from others. I don't remember much about anything. Not a day before I was twelve, anyways, and I've been on this site for quite some time.

Why my name is Bis is something I've almost forgotten myself, if only because remembering makes my nose scrunch. Named for a ship, from when I was young, naive, easily influenced and still nominally sure I was a man. I wish I hadn't named myself after a nation's monument to hate meant to extend their reach far and beyond their shores to spread their pain for the sake of doing it because they thought they were just in it.

I want to hear more about you, if you're there. Why's your name what it is? Where are you from? Where have you gone? Can I ask where you'll go? Can I ask why?

Thank you for reading. It's nice to meet you, whoever, wherever, or whenever you are.

[ozymoron]

starting to think this website is bad for my mental health.....

[icharchivist]

sorry i accidentally got myself to scroll through two years of blogging of a blog that has negative opinions on stuff i'm interested in but it's not like i disagree with their takes, actually i agreed with a lot of them but eventually the amount of them made me think "why do i even like this thing to start with" (esp since they did hate something i did like but also like i understand their pov but now it's like poison) and i legit couldn't tear my eyes away from the blog until i finally closed the page on impulse and now i feel purely like

and now i have asks to answer to and by god i don't even think i have a brain left after this what the hell.

my word of advice of the day is don't doom scroll, even if you agree with it, it's going to be Sad. Save yourself. Goodbye.

[rhythmmortis]

thinking of you and sending one billion hugs

thinking of you back and returning one billion hugs....... i have just been on a train for 5 hours and slowly but surely entering psychic combat with chomsky's government and binding theory. we got invisible pronouns up in this bitch

[tricksheart]

@unblume

[princessithaca]

just finished the rwrb movie. i feel like i've been lobotmised. jesus christ

[attachablepenis]

do u ever accidentally click on someone you follow without realizin and start scrollin their page like its your dash thinkin stuff like "huh tumblr seems to rly be into dave strider and cats at the moment"

[defiantinsect]

The flies around Acht..... Such an interesting concept.... I fully agree.

I need to scan your brain because some of your ideas are abnormal (positive) and your headcanon keep me awake at night (again, positive)

I cannot un-anon myself because I'm a wanted criminal but never stop drawing octolings please I'm begging you

(PS: YOUR MARINA IS SO ROUND!!! LOVE IT)

^_^ <3 <3 <3

i know i post some pretty crackpot stuff lol so im glad the disease has spread <3

the flies were an untapped market in my eyes. something so obvious and yet not pioneered...todd howard voice it just works.

and yes i will draw octos forever anon. you cant just have sea creature people living in a dirt dungeon for 100 years and expect me to not go apeshit with that. especially not when theres also a normie surface society as a contrast

i like the squids. its just the sirens call of an empire of dirt...

(ps. i am still refining my marina but ty ^_^)

[trashbatistrash]

,

[heylinfanclub]

Ya ever just gotta

Unfollow + Block someone

Temporarily

[cocklessboy]

My cat has always had the worst timing. He'll jump up on my desk to cuddle at the very moment I'm about to get up to urgently go to the bathroom. He'll try to curl up with me in bed the very instant I need to get up and refill my glass of water and put some vaseline on my dry, sore lips. He'll ask me to play just at the second I need to end my break and get back to work.

The poor guy, right? From his perspective, he approaches me for love and I immediately get up and leave. I feel awful about it. I try to reassure him first that I love him and he just has bad timing, but I know it can't feel nice, and also he's too big of a dumbass to understand that me getting up and walking away isn't triggered by him coming to say hi.

Except today I realized something: Yes. It is.

I was sitting at my desk watching a video and up jumps the boy with a mrrp, head positioned for pets, when I realized I urgently had to get up and go to the bathroom. As I opened my mouth to say "bad timing again, buddy," it finally occurred to me that... I definitely already had to go. I for sure did not "suddenly" have an urgent need for the toilet out of fucking nowhere.

I didn't realize I needed to go because my brain is piloted by angry gremlins and they were more interested in watching the video than letting me know about an important bodily function.

My cat coming to say hi is a regular trigger that pulls me back into my body from whatever bullshit I'm hyperfocusing on. And that's when I realize all the warning lights are flashing on the dash. Need water. Need food. Need toilet. In pain: need to change position. Holy shit look at the time, need to get back to work!

I now wonder how much worse I'd function if I didn't have a furry little guy in my apartment to regularly remind me that I exist in a physical form which requires maintenance and also that time passes.

I do still feel bad for walking away from him every time, but I have started just inviting him to come with me. Hey bud, sorry, I have to stand up right now, but come follow me while I get a glass of water. You coming? Come on! And rewarding him with pats for following. It's better than just walking away, I think.

Anyway cats (or other pet of your choice that requires frequent attention)? 10/10, strongly encourage having a little guy to bother you now and then, especially if you have ADHD and live alone.