Angstober Day 13
From Childhood
Spoiler: This is an excerpt from Favorless
But something is wrong, and his master is still away to some political meeting, and Anakin doesn’t want to be alone.
The only other one here is Threepio, and Sidious had him shut off a month ago.
He – he came with Anakin when Maul took him from Tatooine, and he’s all Anakin has had since, except his master.
But… Sidious isn’t here now. It isn’t like he’d know if it was for just a few minutes, right?
Sidious is his master. He raised him. He – he took care of him, and Anakin shouldn’t do something that he told him not to, either. It’s – it’s complicated, because he’s terrified to be stuck here alone right now.
The place – Sidious’ mansion on Naboo– is too big. It’s too quiet, and it feels like something’s coming.
It was his fault, really, not Threepio’s, and he still doesn’t think it’s fair to leave him off for so long. Not that he dares push the matter with Sidious though, so he doesn’t order the droid dismantled altogether. Anakin had been the idiot who thought giving the droid a lightsaber was a good idea, anyway. He shouldn’t have – if someone came and saw lightsaber marks inside Palpatine’s home, it would incriminate them both. He could’ve gotten them killed or – or something, and it was an accident, but that doesn’t make it okay.
He misses Threepio, and he wants to talk to him again, even if it’s only for a few minutes.
He –
Doesn’t want to be stuck here alone.
Something’s wrong.
Something’s happening, and Anakin is used to being absorbed in his mechanical madness – he likes building and fixing things, and it’s good at distracting – when he’s not learning. It helps, but not right now.
Something’s wrong, and it’s itching and burning inside him, and he can’t keep ignoring it.
Sidious would be so angry if he knew, but he… doesn’t have to? Not if Anakin’s fast and careful. The meeting wasn’t supposed to be over for another hour or so. He waits a little longer, until the silence starts grating on him beyond the point of ignoring, and he finally stands, tossing aside the tools he was using to fix the ship he was working on. Sidious hates it when Anakin gets grease all over his clothes, but he’s only ever been used to fixing machines, and he can’t imagine doing anything else
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in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!
they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.
they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.
you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.
but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.
where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.
and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?
doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.
but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.
what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.
just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?
your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.
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Prompt:
Oliver Queen and Bruce Wayne are childhood best friends.
Green Arrow hates Batman’s guts.
That animosity— and his aim to subtly piss Batman off at every turn— results in Green Arrow and Red Hood collaborating on a trafficking bust.
This somehow results in discovering that the Red Hood is his best friend’s supposedly dead son.
Oliver doesn’t know how he’s going to fix this, with Jason refusing to want anything to do with either Bruce or the Batman of Gotham (who everyone knows is dating the former)… but one thing’s for sure:
He needs to bring the kid home. Oliver can’t bear to watch Bruce suffer any longer when the cause for it is sitting at his kitchen table, alive, and stuffing his face with waffles.
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