#from anxiety ofc
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I had to wait for an hour at the doctors office so enjoy my brain vomit about webseries/args
#args#webseries#slenderverse#can you tell I was HAMMERED#from anxiety ofc#marble hornets#the sun vanished#everymanhybrid#gr3gory88#hiimmarymary#hi im mary mary#daisy brown#mlandersen0#darkharvest00#whisperedfaith#edit bc this is getting notes again I was high off of pain meds and the part about romancing creators was a JOKE like#i did not mean for this to come across as creepy 😭😭 just that I adore their args an insane amount#idk why I felt the need to clarify but I got jumpscared by the thought of any of them seeing this#so yeah not meant to be parasocial and weird just. idiotic
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No more t*ckling scenes in media. PLEASE
Why is it the ones that circulate always sprinkled with an unhealthy amount of *weird*
Or is it just me because I'm hyperaware of seeing my own interest on the big screen
What happened to lighthearted pokes in the sides why is it so deeply non consensual or used in a way to make fun of it.
Like PLEASE be fucking normal about it!!!! Whether it's as a kink or not don't make it weird 😭😭😭😭😭😭
#ofc some people love that sort of thing and whatever thats great for them#but what about ME huh!?#the boys will still have the most sickening one for me personally#but the OTHER one I saw from a different show circulating#the anxiety I got- through the ROOF#anyways I'm probably being dramatic but it upsets me that they cant just be normal about it#we get it- people hate being tickled#but what if they didn't 👀#nah those people don't exist#im not asking for characters to love being tickled#im asking for not a dan sch*der esque portrayal of sonething I just so happen to like#and also as an aroace can we maybe have some platonic t*ckles pwease
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This is a pretty good point in the wip to share this, methinks :]
Map part for the hole dwelling map, starring... Not my ocs! I wanted to use ocs, but I don't have any-- so I just used the characters from a fic I was reading at the time 😂
Turns out, the symbolism was so much fun to twist into the 11 seconds I had to work with, I ended up going way more complex than I meant to. If you wanna read the fic this was based on, please do!! And tell the author I said hi! :D
#Hole dwelling map#animation#video#art#Wip#rain world#Artificer#five pebbles#I ofc got the go-ahead from the author on disc. They really enjoyed it yaaay#Fun fact btw- the author is a better artist than I am but doesn't share their art 😭😭😭 I had to personally request to see it#Mood tho#As for the story: it good. me likey. mucho gusto. Basically its a parallel story#So half the story is the distant past and the other half is the distant future. It starts with them being totally disconnected#But by this point- chapter 14 I think?- it's like OOOOH SHIT IT MAKES SENSE NOW#It's personally one of my fav fics and I'm glad I found it :> fr up there with 'taking life as is'#and the other top fic about pebbles getting anxiety attacks over Talking To People /pos#I wasn't kidding about using these characters purely because I was reading the fic when I signed up for the map. My thought process was:#Hey wouldn't it be funny if I just made an entire map part about this random thing? And I was right. It was#OH before I forget. I forgot I left a ref image of the Creature™ in the first shot- that's the authors art :] I'll animate it later#Sure enough I put this in my drafts for like a week lmfao. There's some missing elements and it's scuffed and it's a WIP LOL
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you would think after all the yapping i do about these losers i would have a plethora of art uploaded … no… so here is my first kantrio post lol
i did these over the last month while watching the olympic weightlifting and jamming to kpop (stan red velvet and kiss of life BTW!!!)
#pokemon#pkmn#trainer red#rival blue#trainer leaf#i made them classy and smoke from a joint idk maybe i should of done the classic aussie teen experience and make them smoke from a water#bottle bong �� red is a massive foodie so ofc he has the multiple options of snacks ready lol my go-to fried food was a capriccosia pizza 😭#i’m always conflicted on the blue smoking hc (just cigarettes yall lol) i often see fanart of professor blue smoking and i see the vision#50/50??? let me ask the audience 🗣️ i think i’m bias cause i am cursed with thinking men who smoke are extremely attractive lmao#there is 100% lore behind that second piece but i am so burnt out and i don’t think it’ll fit in tags lol#also just have a raging fear of sharing anything kantrio related LOL like raging projectile vomiting level anxiety#blue fears repeating the toxic cycles he grew up in but oops he’s doing exactly that in the second piece 🧐#wowzers … as kieran would say lol … i love writing and thinking about blue and his emotional growth over those 3 years red was missing#but hey sometimes something hurts so badly it takes you back to that sad and scared child version of yourself right?#strength to me is like: red >>>>>>> leaf >> blue🤷🏻♀️ they technically both canonically beat blue in gamecanon so … my girl is strong sorry#ain’t standing shy timid leaf in this house …#also - despite being acespec myself i didn’t know demi was under the ace umbrella! i think it suits red super well imo :p#pan aswell bc i don’t think he gaf 😭 also shout out to one of my fave pkmn artists kiriato 🫶🏻🤧 i was going through such bad art block and#their work inspired all of these :3 i love their stuff sm espcially their comics 🥹 i drew all of these using their brush sets too!!!#trainer blue#blue pokemon#red pokemon#leaf pokemon#pokemon art#pokemon fanart#pokemon frlg#trainer green#rival green#my art <3#kanto au
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wish house was a real doctor so i could be his mystery insomniac patient and after giving me horse tranquilizers and still not falling asleep he just hits me in the head with his cane and im out like a light
#house md#i was supposed yo be asleep 2 hrs ago cause i planned to get up very early to study but LMAO NO#as soon as i shut my eyes my chest felt like it was being ripped to shreds from anxiety. i love i love it i love it (←says guy who hates it#anyways. i got mad i cried i googled some things frantically and now im in an acceptance phase of 'it is what it is' ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#i think the thing that makes me the most frustrated is that. i slept like shit last night. like 4hrs maybe!!!! total!!! and so by the time#i started studying today around 6:30 i was eepy. and then by 7:15 my eyes were sooo heavy so i decided to take a 15 min power nap#and i was DREAMING within minutes. i fell asleep that quick. such a deep sleep that my alarm scared me awake#but ofc when im like oh teehee ill go to bet hella early and wake up hella early my brain is like ? no.#if youre still reading. idk im kissing you on the mouth or something. thanks for being here 🫶#gonna start tagging these posts as#insomnia chronicles
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST WIDDLE SNAKEY WAKEY.
I can't believe my son is 18!! I estimated a birth date for him to be about a month before I got him in fall of 2006, since he was such a widdle month-old baby sneky. I always try to get a good birthday pic of him - especially after he eats and gets the good yawns in.
Pretty soon, he'll be off to snake college, for snakes. Dunno how we're gonna afford those ssssnudent loans.
Image description below the cut:
First photo is an albino corn snake (species name: Pantherophis guttatus) peeking out from behind a fake flower on a rocky hide (a house inside the tank where reptiles can feel secure and hidden). The snake is flicking his tongue out. Only his head is visible in the photo. Caption on the photo reads: Demo's 18th birthday. August 9, 2024.
Next photo is the same snake, but in a clear, close-up, detail photo. Each scale is clearly defined. He has red eyes and pink cheeks, and pale white patterns on an off-white body. The scales on his head are shaped to follow the different planes of his face. The scales on his neck (and body, not shown) are uniform and scallop-shaped.
The next three photos are sequential. The same snake appears with his mouth barely open. Then, his mouth is wide open in a yawn. His cheeks look so smooshy. His head is shaped the way a snap hairclip opens, curved upwards, and it's funny and cute. His mouth has ridges inside, but no teeth or fangs are visible (because his teeth are too tiny to be photographed politely, and he does not have any fangs). The last photo in the sequence has the snake with his mouth still open, but the top of his head is a normal shape again as he begins to end the yawn.
#snake#snakes#corn snake#snow corn#snek#sneks#snekblr#reptile#reptiles#Pantherophis guttatus#Elaphe guttata#cute#pets#pet birthday#18#tank is bare in the pics bc i ran out of spoons while washing everything#i forgot i have to wash decor outside and it got dark and i didnt wanna get bug bites so i had to...#...do a whole sink of heavy dirty dishes (not mine) AND wash the decor around the thawing meal for him#...and then disinfect the sink ofc bc i was at my limit after only getting the hide and water bowl washed#was gonna do it earlier in the day but ppl were moody downstairs#hes gonna sleep off that meal and sippy sip rn anyway (was already in his hide by the time i refilled my water and went back to my room)#i got a drinking vid but he was facing away from my vantage point and it makes him look like a hognose bc of refraction lol#anyway i gotta get ready for bed myself today was busy and i didnt even finish the one thing i planned to do bc im too tired#Cori.exe#Image.exe#i would do a silly edit like i usually do for demos bday but again i have no spoons rn#hhh added image description and now its almost midnight aa gotta post fast#*now its midnight lmao#ughhh i couldve been ready for bed in the amount of time it takes me to proofread an unacceptable number of times#anxiety is a mf 'what if i misspelled a word' 'what if this phrasing is awkward' mf im the only one that cares shut up
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against my better judgement im watching a reupload of the lily dunmeshi vid and seeing how she starts off her vid ranting abt how much she hates her own fanbase again really reminded me how like. ngl i feel like watching her vids contributed a lot to my mental health issues as a teen lmao
#like rn i know shes full of shit but damn sometimes watching her back in the day was downright anxiety inducing#ive never seen a youtuber so angry that she has a fanbase. nice or not. one wrong move and she pitched a fit#and in most vids shes jsut ranting abt how her fans are stupid idiots or annoying or not giving her enough comments on her shitty comic#ofc i dont doubt it was frustrating to be recommended things she didnt want but she acts like shes forced at gunpoint to watch anime#shoutout to that time she literally went off abt how her fans are all shitty writers and thays why they need her bc shes a writing expert#like rn. i can look at that and scoff and move on bc shes full of shit. but as a teen thats harrowing yknow?#echoed voice#she also starts off by calling anime fans racist maga ppl presumably to deflect from how xenophobic shes abt to be#its so crazy seeing her say with her full chest that anime fans are perverted racists#and then go on to say all japanese animation is disgusting perverted garbage. unlike western media or herself of course
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does anyone have a lot of trouble reaching out to their friends like i realised this recently but if someone doesnt text me first i literally just wont reach out but its not because i dont want to i just like constantly think im bothering them
#there are some exceptions ofc but like the idea of sending a long text and then being on delivered for hours literally gives me unspeakable#amounts of anxiety#my friend texted me yesterday “hello” with no context i had to take a walk to calm down from stress like#i can be ur crazy mentaal illness gf <- is actually insane#personal#anyways feel free to advise me on this <3
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So, i read the @gay-fae post about how sad it is that Ed doesn't know about the conversation between Stede and Chauncey, about the fact that Ed doesn't know that Stede wanted to protect him because everything he touches ends up damaged. That is so, so sad, but do you know what makes it sadder? Ed must think that the reason why Stede left him is because he is not good enough anymore.
We know Ed didn't want anything to do with being Blackbeard anymore, he just wanted to be with Stede, in the British Army or somewhere far, far away from everyone they knew, however, from his perspective, the moment he says that to Stede, he vanishes, and even though Stede said he didn't really like how cruel and indifferent Blackbeard was, Ed must think that he only wanted the status that came from being near the most feared pirate of all times.
Ed doesn't know the real reason why Stede left, he only knows that the second he stepped down from his role, he was abandoned. And maybe that is why he once more became Blackbeard, because he was finally convinced he's nothing if not a monstrous pirate. And maybe, a part of him thinks that if he comes back to the sea angrier and crueler than ever, maybe Stede will someday come back.
#our flag means death#ofmd#stede bonnet#blackbonnet#edward teach#blackbeard#ed x stede#he will probably lash out at stede because he is just monstrous like that#isn't he?#isn't that the only thing he can be?#apart from the obvious separation anxiety#ofc#can somebody edit ofmd with Mistki?#I'm your man is so them#i'm begging
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I just voted for the first time :3
#it was a very long process added by the fact that I’m running on half and hour of sleep#a bit of bated breath about the presidential election ofc but honestly I’m much more worried about the abortion amendment for my state#an abortion ban would be detrimental to my anxiety and paranoia so I’m hoping and praying that the votes pull through#anyways that was a bit personal for me I’ll go back to the void now#from the hive
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Pookieeee do you think you’ll ever join the other cod discords 🥺
this is my anxiety beating the shit outta me every time i feel even an ounce of interest in joining any new server 😭
#you’re so sweet though anon <33#some mutuals know where my anxiety stems from and why i’m antsy on joining a new server 😭#i love the server i’m in rn ofc my anxiety has nothing to do with them
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not to still be talking about beyond evil in 2023, but to talk about beyond evil in 2023 and specifically mental illness representation and how i want to talk ad nauseam about idk maybe han joo won being less obsessive is actually a good thing because people with ocd are constantly struggling to have some kind of recovery and no, beyond evil didn’t just forget about how joo won has mysophobia (because even in the finale, the manyang gang address it)—it’s about how people still recover, and maybe that’s very comforting to the viewers who feel like they’re unable to live properly with their own mental illness okay okay
#caroline talks#beyond evil#not to suddenly be like. ‘AND ANOTHER THING’#but like. another thing.#idk. just.#i know people in my family and my friend group who struggle with ocd or anxiety or depression#and like. i have not been diagnosed with anything outside an eating disorder#(which i have recovered from!)#but like. it’s. yeah.#ofc everyone has very different experiences with their own funny brain#but like. i do know from me personally.#that i see stories about people who struggle with a mental illness and either recover from it or get so much better#and it’s. very comforting!#and idk i kind of wish that people could see that
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Oh that's a good one !!! I freaking love unecessary censorship, like watch this-
#(Not directed to you ofc !! I know that's obvious cuz you're my friend but overthinking and anxiety never leave 👍)#Also your timing is out of this world x) This was such an unfortunate coincidence help#I was still recovering from Anon's ask when I saw yours and it took me out mdjvrjcfj#Anyway I know my screenshot is low quality but I freaking love this one ahah#I really need to get HD UF x) If only for the screenshots#Yours is amazing xD#professor layton and the unwound future#professor layton and the lost future#unwound future spoilers#lost future spoilers#Shitpost
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sorry ive been posting so much HHA i hope i havent been actively annoying or like overwhelming i worry abt that esp in reblogs on shit but 😔
#riley rambles#self spaghettification#i cant tell#i just can’t genuinely tell if when i get a cue in my brain like hey dont do that its from the social anxiety/depression or like#a normal amount of awareness#and ofc ofc. how can u even define normal lol
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"high empathy autism" this, "low empathy autism" that. you don't even know how fast my empathy can switch on a dime
(*update to this post before i even post it: the day i wrote this, i forgot to take my anxiety meds. oops. this still applies, though)
#void keith talks#autism stuff#it's like. i care so so so much. and then i don't like an hour later. and then i'm back to caring so so so much and th#i think my empathy runs on a spin cycle#or like. one of those wheel pickers like on wheel of fortune#i get so much secondhand embarrassment from everywhere in my life but sometimes i just couldn't give less of a fuck about shit that happens#i'm getting emotional whiplash. every day#and ofc it depends on how i feel. and how i feel rn is that i don't really care about anyone's problems#unless it's 1) a friend or 2) a fictional character. or 3) an animal#empathy is hard sometimes honestly. kindness too. and sympathy. and compassion#mental health stuff#neurodivergent stuff#huh. maybe my anxiety meds do more than i thought. even though it's a pretty low dose#anxiety stuff
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