#from a girl who is very privileged when it comes to gender

[eightfifteen]

i do love that El has such a fucked up view of society. Like more than anyone she's stuck with the most radical view of societal rules and conformity because that's the only experience she has with society - the rules taught to her.

El has never been taught how girls are weaker than boys. That's never been the issue. Not at the lab, and not since escaping.

She knows women are strong and capable because she's seen Nancy and Joyce and Max exist right in front of her. She herself is powerful beyond anything society thinks she's capable of and not just as a woman.

But she has been taught gender norms, more than anything or anyone else, i think. Because she was raised in an environment where boys and girls were literally the same - there was no gender divide, no color coding, nothing to tell one from the other.

So she comes into society and one of the first things she's taught is to blend in by wearing a pink dress and have long hair.

Other people are born into this society, and though they're also definitely taught conformity and raised on gendernorms, because they've actually lived it, they've also pushed up against the boundaries of those rules, they've experienced the flaws first-hand, realized that just because they're girls doesn't mean they don't want to play with 'boy' toys, or don't prefer wearing pants over dresses. Like they had to fight against this idea from a very young age to varying degrees of success.

But not only did El never bump against the constraints herself (like never was told she couldn't have anything she wanted because she's a girl), she actively wants to fit in as much as possible because she wants to be normal. And the idea that there is a normal, a perfect guide and set of rules to follow so she can make sure she's always doing the right thing, brings her a sense of security.

Her powers - that strength she has - is part of her trauma. She only has that because of the hands of men, and though she wants and needs that power to exist and feel secure after all she's been through, she'd much rather never have had them at all. Her ultimate dream is to have been raised a normal little girl in a pink bedroom who only has to worry about make up and boys and shopping because that's what she sees 'normal' girls got to experience, that's what she feels has been taken from her. To her, that's nothing to feel shamed about, that's nothing to resent, or to feel weak for. Especially as she sees how much power girls like Angela have by doing everything right. To her, all that gender-conforming, hetero-normative bullshit is what makes teenagers powerful.

She's seen the party struggle and be belittled because they're different and therefore powerless. And even Nancy, who is her closest experience with a physically powerful woman (other than Joyce), likes pink and wears dresses and dates boys. Like even Max, who is a little more tomboyish, takes her out to do typically girlish things. And even on the other side of that spectrum, she's seen Joyce struggle because she doesn't look like what a supposedly 'powerful' woman at the time looks like - aka someone like Karen who can afford to curate her look.

Part of the reason she's getting burned in LA, is because she doesn't have anyone to teach her or guide her gender-conformity. So she's struggling and trying to find her own way to perfect femininity. Like she's trying to replicate the girls around her - wear dresses, and curate outfits that are colorful and garner attention, and wear her hair long, and decorate her room like Nancy's and have a boyfriend and go to the roller rink on dates.

But she's not doing it correctly and she can't figure out what it is that she's doing wrong. Because though Max taught her to like typical girly things, and separate herself from boys, she never taught her the part of what a typical girl is supposed to look like because Max doesn't restrict herself to typical feminine fashion, and both Hopper and Joyce wear flannel so which is it??? She doesn't understand that dressing "the right way" is part of femininity or what "the right way" is.

She doesn't get the nuance of it all. So she's wearing whatever clothes she wants to wear, because that's what Max taught her, but likes the girly things Max likes and not the stupid boy things, because that's also the message she got from Max (even if it wasn't intended as such). Like Max never took her to the Arcade or took her skateboarding, because she was following along with what El thought she liked. Hell, even the comic book she shows El is a "girly" comic book in the sense that it's still catered towards girls. And El inherently just seems to like girly things and doesn't care for science or DnD or video games like the party does, so that's yet another reason for her not to think anything wrong with gender-norms because she's a girl and likes these things so that's correct.

And so El desperately wants to understand femininity but she can't put the pieces together and can't do it right.

She never sees femininity as anything less, but she still very much thinks femininity is something else entirely from masculinity. And that those things are inherently separate and tied to someone's assigned gender, because that's what society is teaching her and she has no reason or desire to question that, even if she doesn't understand it. She does have questions, obviously, cause she doesn't know the rules, but she has no reason to think the whole thing is flawed, or that there are varying shades of purple in between pink and blue.

Like gender-nonconformity in a way is literally part of her trauma - hello rainbow room (sorry bad joke) - and we all cried when she woke up and realised her hair was gone. And you can tell at the end of season 4 she realises that will always be a part of her, and she seems to give up on trying to fit the norm a little bit (mostly because there's worse things going on). I hope that she can realize that gender-nonconformity wasn't the problem, but the lack of identity is, and that she has to find her identity herself other than rely on society to tell her who she is.

[willgrahamscock]

you'll forever be a cringey immature straight girl no matter if you call yourself a he or a xim or a identify as a table leg, no matter how many bone-eroding cross-sex hormones you take or whether you amputate or boobs or not. biologicallly you will always be a female heterosexual since that's what you were born as. neuroscience proves that heteros aka opposite-sex attracted people have distinct brain phenotypes from gay people, regardless of if they identify as trans or not. heterosexual aka male-attracted 'transmen' have the same brain chemistry as any normie het woman, proving both that sexuality is only determined by sex and that transness isn't innate the way homosexuality is. you can larp as whatever, call neuroscience and basic knowledge on sexuality 'stinky doo doo opinions' like a petulant child who just realized santa isn't real. the only thing you're doing is embarrassing yourselves in front of anyone with the slightest cerebral functionality because you're mad we're calling out your gay-fetishizing homophobic anti-scientific bs for what it is unlike the tras who pretend to see you as 'gay' 'men' because they feel sorry for your mentally ill ass and your internalized misogyny. sure you het women will never be in an equal relationship with a male because straight men see you as throwaway sex toys and free domestic servants but this isn't an excuse for you to fetishize gay men and pretend to be them, certainly not an excuse to expect them to go along with the charade and put up with you het weirdos preying on them. het males aren't dumb when it comes to manipulating women for easy p*ssy which is why they're already on grindr with your het ass, pretending to be QWeEr and non-binary to get that mentally ill gullible cooch. no actual gay male will look at you and have any other emotion aside from anger and pitiful laughter. even if you 'pass' completely, they'll be disgusted after learning you have female genitalia and lose any attraction they may have had because het sex is abnormal and undesirable to gay people, not falling for and not wanting to fuck the opposite sex is the literal essence of our sexuality which you are diametrically opposed to. you'll just rub your nub away to yaoi like any other fujo who is either an ugly woman or understandably disillusioned with men but the only outcome is that you'll be a bitter p0rn sick lonely coomer just like those crusty basement-dwelling straight men who can't get laid. the worst part is that nearly any het woman like you can get laid, that's no achievement, het men will even pretend to be bi or gay to use you as a fleshlight but no gay male will ever want your musty homophobic vag, they want none at all and deep down you know it. that you'll never be loved and wanted by a gay man, that you'll never be seen as gay or male by anyone. you'll never know the ultimate compatibility and sublime equality that only exists in same-sex love. and now that you've ruined your straight woman privilege, only the most abusive and weird straight men will go after you, whose only purpose is to take advantage of you. what a sad existence, foaming at the mouth at gay people for standing up for ourselves when you fake progressive breeders try to brainwash your fellow homophobes into your heteronormative bioessentialist homophobia, insisting gay people could be bisexually attracted as long as you wear 'boy clothes' and cut your hair off. congrats on alienating the very people you pretend to be, most of us were 'trans allies' just a few years ago before you went full crackhead and started pretending sexuality is based on a made-up gender not biological sex. enjoy withering away in your early menopause knowing no gay person will ever love or desire you, knowing you'll never be us and should be grateful since you couldn’t stand a day of real oppression. choke on as much d*ck as you'd like, it only proves what a wanton female hetero you are and that straight males would stick their d*ck in anyone female

I ain't reading all that

[maxdibert]

I’ve seen you talk about how the Marauders fandom (and how they have made their horrifically inaccurate fanon canon in a way) and I was curious about your thoughts on their horrible mischaracterisation of Lupin. From what I’ve seen they paint him as a sarcastic bad boy who’s apparently getting hit by everything all the time or whatever constantly (gee, sounds familiar in a way. ((I believe this was spurred on by ATYD.)) Anyways, thoughts?

Each of the Marauders triggers me in a different way, and not because I was bullied in school or have a visceral reaction due to personal traumas with people like them, but because I’ve met people like them. I’ve had to put up with people like them—people who are terrible, you know it, you see them as the absolute worst, yet they have the audacity to think they’re morally superior to others simply because of their political stances.

As a student, I was very involved in unions and active in political groups, and I’ve met James Potters (wealthy, privileged kids from progressive families who thought they were "fighters for the people" but had no clue about people’s actual needs and were only there because it was what they were supposed to do), Sirius Blacks (privileged kids who thought they were special because their whole family were fascists and they had "broken the cycle," yet they still carried all the prejudices of someone raised in a conservative, right-wing environment and made zero effort to deconstruct themselves because they thought not talking to their parents was enough), and Remus Lupins.

Remus Lupins, the quiet guys, the introverted ones who seem super nice but have awful friends. They don’t seem like terrible people because they don’t proactively show their flaws, and if you compare them to the others—who are a whirlwind—they appear as though they’ve never done anything wrong.

What bothers me about how the fandom characterizes Lupin is that it has nothing to do with what we see in the books or what Rowling said about him. Lupin was someone deeply insecure and self-conscious about his condition as a werewolf. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself as a way to hide that condition. He always followed behind his friends, letting them take the lead. His relationship with James and Sirius was nothing like Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s. The latter trio did everything together; they lived their adventures together. From what we know (because it’s explicitly mentioned in the books), the ones constantly seen together were James and Sirius. It’s literally stated that where one went, the other was always there. Remus (as Rowling herself said) was the third in a duo.

In fact, I imagine Remus and Peter being closer (something most people seem to find unthinkable because they have the critical reasoning skills of an amoeba when it comes to the Marauders) precisely because James and Sirius were the duo. The idea that Remus was some kind of alpha male is absolutely ridiculous because, if there were two characters in that generation who epitomized toxic masculinity and outdated gender dynamics to the fullest, they were James and Sirius—two bullies who used their power to get what they wanted, whether it was torturing someone or dating a girl.

We see Remus avoiding conflict, not having the guts to tell his friends they were wrong even though he had the responsibility of being a prefect. As an adult, we see him justifying his friends’ actions, which are unjustifiable. Remus was a lapdog because being with James and Sirius was a way for him to protect himself, to feel safe, and contradicting them would mean jeopardizing that safety he so desperately needed. So, he let everything slide. This is canon, and it tells you his personality was fearful, passive, and accommodating.

Remus is a coward. In fact, I find him much more cowardly than Peter. He never had the guts to confront his friends, never had the guts to admit that his friends were horrible people—even as adults—and never had guts, period. The best evidence is that, at 38 years old, he got a young woman pregnant and then left because he didn’t have the courage to face the consequences of his actions. Remus is the typical nice guy who acts all chill and friendly and understanding but, when it comes down to it, behaves like a jerk. He’s a Ted Mosby type.

Any other characterization, especially one that tries to make him sassy or badass, is an insult to anyone who has read the books because they’re literally inventing a new character and slapping his name on it. But that fandom does this all the time—they do it with all the characters. It doesn’t even surprise me anymore.

[velvetvexations]

incredible, i just saw a reblog of that "transfem headcanons are always better and sometimes transmasc headcanons actively make the text worse and more hateful" by someone i followed. funny to see discussions arguing against the post before seeing the post itself, otherwise i would have unthinkingly internalized it and felt like shit without knowing why. anyway, i unfollowed that person now. to make it worse, op tore into someone for claiming that chihiro from danganronpa is an exception and better read as transmasc... the irony is insane. yet another example besides miquella that would make the story more boring and maybe worse if transfem.

it's so disgustingly petty lmao

a lot of transfem headcanons are reaches, often "this is literally a man magically trapped in the body of a woman and he hates it and desperately keeps trying to go back to being a man" and it's FINE to headcanon characters however you want but since some people can't conceptualize being a woman as anything other than something they wish would happen to them they take characters like that and hiss if you go near them

i get the sense that there's a very specific, narrow demographic of transfems who used to buy into that reddit guy "being a hot 22-year-old girl must be like having 10 billion dollars" attitude and never really let it go. thus the fixation on "AFAB privilege". isee a similar mix of resentment and attraction from lesbian TERFs, though it comes from a different origin. and it's an attitude that can slide easily into TERFism even for cis men--just look at tatsuya ishida!

If anything the idealization of femininity a small minority of transfems exhibit when they complain endlessly about how good trans people AFAB have it would come more from dysphoria and the grass being greener on the other side. "An AFAB trans person will immediately revert to being an innocent little girl to hurl sexual assault accusations at trans women," however, is really concerning!

Regarding whether "binary privilege" exists, i am once again on my hands and knees begging people to actually look at the statistics. The US Transgender Survey and Cohnting Ourselves (from Aotearoa) are right there. And they both show that all trans people are about as badly off as each other regardless of their specific gender. Yes, there are some ways in which being nonbinary is particularly hard, such as not having a social role to fit into, I'm not denying any of that, but if you're going to call being binary a "privilege" then there needs to be a visible whole-group effect for binary people compared to nonbinary people. And there isn't one when you look at the numbers.

It's not really about non-binary people having it flat worse, more just situational complexities.

The thing about even discussing privilege (binary privilege in this case) is that so many people talk as if to have privilege means to inherently have privilege Over someone else. Like is it an advantage for me to be vaguely binary alligned enough sometimes to have a legal gender marker that is moderately less dysphoria inducing when some people are equally harmed by either? (Tbf I live in a state where x is an option, I simply do not feel safe with that 😵‍💫 (tho that does not help when nothing else other than state id accepts it)) like yeah it's a privilege but it's not privilege Over someone. It does not make me an oppressor or mean I am causing harm, which is a thing many people seem to believe, about various forms of privilege

That's a very good point, anon.

I suppose this isn’t how others I’ve seen think about it but. I’ve always just understood that you can be oppressed for being trans without your gender being affirmed. Like. The bigots understand you’re trans but that doesn’t make them think of you as your gender it makes them think of you as trans. Misgendering is such a huge part of what transphobes do and I’ve never once assumed they were like. Lying about seeing trans people that way. I don’t get acting like transphobes can see our, as you put it, soul gender.

It makes people feel better.

[boreal-sea]

Radfem Trans People

I want to talk about the different flavors of radical feminist trans people I have personally encountered, because the ways radical feminist / terf / gender critical rhetoric bleeds into trans discourse is fascinating to me. There are very few trans radfems, but they do exist, and how they internalize radical feminism varies.

At the core of radical feminism is bioessentialism: this needs to exist for radfem philosophy to make sense. Males have to be biologically stronger, females have to be biologically inferior, these differences must affect your personality, and they must be immutable differences that carry on even if the person is trans.

Radfem transfemmes believe that men/males are inherently bad, but that most of the badness of males/men is attached to the "man" part and socialization, and that if you are not a man, you're fine. BUT, they aren't totally divorced from the bioessentialism of radfems, because they do still believe that a transmasc who starts taking testosterone "becomes" dangerous and predatory. They also believe transmascs are "inherently transmisogynistic" and for some reason more "prone" to transmisogyny than literally anyone else on the planet.

There is a group of radfem transmascs who are the transmasc equivalent of radfem transfemmes. They believe most of what the radfem transfemmes believe, with with some minor tweaks. They believe men, regardless of birth sex, are always two seconds away from turning into monsters and must thus constantly be kept in check. They also believe that as transmascs, they are exempt from misogyny of all forms and have privilege over women of all kinds.

But, there is another flavor of radfem transmasc. This second group of radfem transmascs are basically indistinguishable from cis women radfems. They are full-blown male-haters and transmisogynists. They hate males and transfemmes so much. They believe transfemmes were "socialized male" and are still "male", that transfemmes are "predatory" and "dominate" trans spaces, etc. Every negative stereotype associated with men/males, these radfem transmascs attach to transfemmes.

Oh and nonbinary trans folks can fit into any of these groups, as well. Being nonbinary doesn't exclude you from turning into a bigot nor does it exempt you from being targeted by bigots!

Some trans radfems (of all varieties) also believe that trans men didn't experience misogyny or sexism as children - even if we didn't know we were trans at the time, even if we fully viewed ourselves as cis girls. And in some cases, these radfem trans people claim that even if transmascs weren't out and didn't know we were trans, we still somehow experienced "male socialization". Apparently all the misogyny and sexism we experienced retroactively disappears when we come out.

[in-depth-transsexualism]

I need some of y'all need to get real about the trans men/transmasc male privilege discussions. Because I was literally the “girl” with long hair wearing frilly outfits being told by people online and irl that I had male privilege.

The "trans men and transmascs all have unequivocal male privilege" is so fucked to me. You've essentially told a young me that I'm not really a "man" and not even a "trans man" because I haven't gotten on hormones and passed at all. Is that not it's core transphobic? I thought my own mere self identification was "valid?" What happened to trans men who are feminine are "valid?" Also the very things you expect me to do to "earn" my title, I didn't get any tips from the likes of y'all jumping to tell me about this so called "privilege" I have. When I looked up "trans men" in the search bar, you know what I saw? Not resources on how to afford HRT and where to find binders, but discussions of passing trans men and male privilege. No, I did not have "toxic masculinity" when I had long hair and wore dresses and told people that the "I hate men" and "kill all men" comments made me uncomfortable. I WAS A SCARED TRANS KID, I WAS A TRANS YOUTH. I see the "protect trans kids" t-shirt you wear. I was constantly told by people close to me that I was incredibly kindhearted, only to be told, suddenly told, after I came out I needed to be "a good man." That if I had an issue with that rhetoric I was toxic. I strive to be a good person, regardless of my identity, I always have, but suddenly now as a "trans man" I'm not doing enough. If I squint it looks no different to me than being told being trans is a sin from my own Church Priest. Because that's the only thing that's changed about me.

When I pass? It mostly happens in the dark or in a way when I'm read as a twelve year old effeminate boy. I had someone come up to my friend while we were talking in the dark telling her he "wish he could have me." Within the years I've been out, I've been raped, explicitly because of my gender identity, dealt constantly with "jokes" about hurting me and lots of other shit.

What are you doing about those issues?

Some of y'all need to get so real. Get uncomfortable with cisgender privilege, get uncomfortable acknowledging there are people in your community who are less fortunate than you. And as a disclaimer, I'm not saying these conversations about passing and male privilege aren't worth having. I'm saying they both A, require more nuance, and B as a participant, you need to think about why you're having them. I think they're a shield for some of you to avoid facing something. Maybe it's the non-passing trans men that make you uncomfortable because of your internalized transphobia, maybe it's cisgender privilege, I don't know.

[spinji]

you'll forever be a cringey immature straight girl no matter if you call yourself a he or a xim or a identify as a table leg, no matter how many bone-eroding cross-sex hormones you take or whether you amputate or boobs or not. biologicallly you will always be a female heterosexual since that's what you were born as. neuroscience proves that heteros aka opposite-sex attracted people have distinct brain phenotypes from gay people, regardless of if they identify as trans or not. heterosexual aka male-attracted 'transmen' have the same brain chemistry as any normie het woman, proving both that sexuality is only determined by sex and that transness isn't innate the way homosexuality is. you can larp as whatever, call neuroscience and basic knowledge on sexuality 'stinky doo doo opinions' like a petulant child who just realized santa isn't real. the only thing you're doing is embarrassing yourselves in front of anyone with the slightest cerebral functionality because you're mad we're calling out your gay-fetishizing homophobic anti-scientific bs for what it is unlike the tras who pretend to see you as 'gay' 'men' because they feel sorry for your mentally ill ass and your internalized misogyny. sure you het women will never be in an equal relationship with a male because straight men see you as throwaway sex toys and free domestic servants but this isn't an excuse for you to fetishize gay men and pretend to be them, certainly not an excuse to expect them to go along with the charade and put up with you het weirdos preying on them. het males aren't dumb when it comes to manipulating women for easy p*ssy which is why they're already on grindr with your het ass, pretending to be QWeEr and non-binary to get that mentally ill gullible cooch. no actual gay male will look at you and have any other emotion aside from anger and pitiful laughter. even if you 'pass' completely, they'll be disgusted after learning you have female genitalia and lose any attraction they may have had because het sex is abnormal and undesirable to gay people, not falling for and not wanting to fuck the opposite sex is the literal essence of our sexuality which you are diametrically opposed to. you'll just rub your nub away to yaoi like any other fujo who is either an ugly woman or understandably disillusioned with men but the only outcome is that you'll be a bitter p0rn sick lonely coomer just like those crusty basement-dwelling straight men who can't get laid. the worst part is that nearly any het woman like yoy can get laid, that's no achievement, het men will even pretend to be bi or gay to use you as a fleshlight but no gay male will ever want your musty homophobic vag, they want none at all and deep down you know it. that you'll never be loved and wanted by a gay man, that you'll never be seen as gay or male by anyone. you'll never know the ultimate compatibility and sublime equality that only exists in same-sex love. and now that you've ruined your straight woman privilege, only the most abusive and weird straight men will go after you, whose only purpose is to take advantage of you. what a sad existence, foaming at the mouth at gay people for standing up for ourselves when you fake progressive breeders try to brainwash your fellow homophobes into your heteronormative bioessentialist homophobia, insisting gay people could be bisexually attracted as long as you wear 'boy clothes' and cut your hair off. congrats on alienating the very people you pretend to be, most of us were 'trans allies' just a few years ago before you went full crackhead and started pretending sexuality is based on a made-up gender not biological sex. enjoy withering away in your early menopause knowing no gay person will ever love or desire you, knowing you'll never be us and should be grateful since you couldn’t stand a day of real oppression. choke on as much d*ck as you'd like, it only proves what a wanton female hetero you are and that straight males would stick their d*ck in anyone female

I'm laughing way too hard to hard to process any of this as a cis woman who loves pussy.

[m1shka-moon-bear-feelings]

you'll forever be a cringey immature straight girl no matter if you call yourself a he or a xim or a identify as a table leg, no matter how many bone-eroding cross-sex hormones you take or whether you amputate or boobs or not. biologicallly you will always be a female heterosexual since that's what you were born as. neuroscience proves that heteros aka opposite-sex attracted people have distinct brain phenotypes from gay people, regardless of if they identify as trans or not. heterosexual aka male-attracted 'transmen' have the same brain chemistry as any normie het woman, proving both that sexuality is only determined by sex and that transness isn't innate the way homosexuality is. you can larp as whatever, call neuroscience and basic knowledge on sexuality 'stinky doo doo opinions' like a petulant child who just realized santa isn't real. the only thing you're doing is embarrassing yourselves in front of anyone with the slightest cerebral functionality because you're mad we're calling out your gay-fetishizing homophobic anti-scientific bs for what it is unlike the tras who pretend to see you as 'gay' 'men' because they feel sorry for your mentally ill ass and your internalized misogyny. sure you het women will never be in an equal relationship with a male because straight men see you as throwaway sex toys and free domestic servants but this isn't an excuse for you to fetishize gay men and pretend to be them, certainly not an excuse to expect them to go along with the charade and put up with you het weirdos preying on them. het males aren't dumb when it comes to manipulating women for easy p*ssy which is why they're already on grindr with your het ass, pretending to be QWeEr and non-binary to get that mentally ill gullible cooch. no actual gay male will look at you and have any other emotion aside from anger and pitiful laughter. even if you 'pass' completely, they'll be disgusted after learning you have female genitalia and lose any attraction they may have had because het sex is abnormal and undesirable to gay people, not falling for and not wanting to fuck the opposite sex is the literal essence of our sexuality which you are diametrically opposed to. you'll just rub your nub away to yaoi like any other fujo who is either an ugly woman or understandably disillusioned with men but the only outcome is that you'll be a bitter p0rn sick lonely coomer just like those crusty basement-dwelling straight men who can't get laid. the worst part is that nearly any het woman like you can get laid, that's no achievement, het men will even pretend to be bi or gay to use you as a fleshlight but no gay male will ever want your musty homophobic vag, they want none at all and deep down you know it. that you'll never be loved and wanted by a gay man, that you'll never be seen as gay or male by anyone. you'll never know the ultimate compatibility and sublime equality that only exists in same-sex love. and now that you've ruined your straight woman privilege, only the most abusive and weird straight men will go after you, whose only purpose is to take advantage of you. what a sad existence, foaming at the mouth at gay people for standing up for ourselves when you fake progressive breeders try to brainwash your fellow homophobes into your heteronormative bioessentialist homophobia, insisting gay people could be bisexually attracted as long as you wear 'boy clothes' and cut your hair off. congrats on alienating the very people you pretend to be, most of us were 'trans allies' just a few years ago before you went full crackhead and started pretending sexuality is based on a made-up gender not biological sex. enjoy withering away in your early menopause knowing no gay person will ever love or desire you, knowing you'll never be us and should be grateful since you couldn’t stand a day of real oppression. choke on as much d*ck as you'd like, it only proves what a wanton female hetero you are and that straight males would stick their d*ck in anyone female

How bro feels after typing all that:

[gay-otlc]

To clear something up, when trans people say that transphobic systems (often) treat trans people as our agab, this doesn't mean we're treated the same as cis people of our agab. This doesn't mean trans women/trans people who were assigned male get treated as cis men and receive the privilege that comes with that, or that trans men/trans people who were assigned female get treated as cis women and therefore experience "just misogyny" instead of transphobia.

What it does mean is that transphobic systems often treat trans people as messed up, freakish versions of our assigned genders, when that treatment can be used to hurt us. For example, trans women being perceived as or called "predatory males invading women's spaces," or trans men being perceived as or called "stupid little girls who don't deserve bodily autonomy."

On the other hand, transphobic systems also treat trans people as messed up, freakish versions of their actual genders when that can be used to hurt us. For example, trans women being affirmed as women only to be catcalled or degraded by misogyny, or trans men being affirmed as men only to be denied medically necessary gynecological care. (This is a phenomenon that has been referred to as "malgendering.")

Malgendering very much is an aspect of transphobia that hurts a lot of people, but by no means is it the only aspect. A very significant aspect is also being seen as "men"/"women" except Wrong when doing so can be used to hurt us.

And even when it's not done maliciously, trans people can be assumed to be our assigned genders because we live in a society that assumes gender based on appearance. People generally aren't going to stop and ask pronouns before they catcall someone they perceive as a woman, or regard someone they see as a man to be a threat, so trans people very much can be treated negatively when they are incorrectly perceived as their assigned gender.

Not all trans people have the resources they need to be able to pass. Not all trans people want to pass. A lot of trans people are closeted, or are intentionally trying to be perceived as their assigned gender for safety. Not all trans people even realize they're trans yet! Believing that trans people are never seen by society as their assigned genders erases people who don't conform to a narrow idea of transness, or assumes everyone who sees a trans person can always tell.

I think a lot of people misunderstand "trans people are seen by transphobes/transphobic systems as their agab" to mean trans people are seen as "normal men/women" based on what we were assigned. This is understandably upsetting, as a lot of trans women/trans people who were assigned male are told they receive male privilege because society sees them as men, and trans men/trans people who were assigned female have their experiences with transphobia invalidated by being told it's "just misogyny," both of which are transphobic statements that people absolutely have every right to be upset by. But trans people aren't seen as cis or "normal" men/women based on what we were assigned; we're often seen as a kind of "men/women" that need to be removed from society, and that's a part of transphobia that does need to be acknowledged.

[mukuharakazui]

you'll forever be a cringey immature straight girl no matter if you call yourself a he or a xim or a identify as a table leg, no matter how many bone-eroding cross-sex hormones you take or whether you amputate or boobs or not. biologicallly you will always be a female heterosexual since that's what you were born as. neuroscience proves that heteros aka opposite-sex attracted people have distinct brain phenotypes from gay people, regardless of if they identify as trans or not. heterosexual aka male-attracted 'transmen' have the same brain chemistry as any normie het woman, proving both that sexuality is only determined by sex and that transness isn't innate the way homosexuality is. you can larp as whatever, call neuroscience and basic knowledge on sexuality 'stinky doo doo opinions' like a petulant child who just realized santa isn't real. the only thing you're doing is embarrassing yourselves in front of anyone with the slightest cerebral functionality because you're mad we're calling out your gay-fetishizing homophobic anti-scientific bs for what it is unlike the tras who pretend to see you as 'gay' 'men' because they feel sorry for your mentally ill ass and your internalized misogyny. sure you het women will never be in an equal relationship with a male because straight men see you as throwaway sex toys and free domestic servants but this isn't an excuse for you to fetishize gay men and pretend to be them, certainly not an excuse to expect them to go along with the charade and put up with you het weirdos preying on them. het males aren't dumb when it comes to manipulating women for easy p*ssy which is why they're already on grindr with your het ass, pretending to be QWeEr and non-binary to get that mentally ill gullible cooch. no actual gay male will look at you and have any other emotion aside from anger and pitiful laughter. even if you 'pass' completely, they'll be disgusted after learning you have female genitalia and lose any attraction they may have had because het sex is abnormal and undesirable to gay people, not falling for and not wanting to fuck the opposite sex is the literal essence of our sexuality which you are diametrically opposed to. you'll just rub your nub away to yaoi like any other fujo who is either an ugly woman or understandably disillusioned with men but the only outcome is that you'll be a bitter p0rn sick lonely coomer just like those crusty basement-dwelling straight men who can't get laid. the worst part is that nearly any het woman like yoy can get laid, that's no achievement, het men will even pretend to be bi or gay to use you as a fleshlight but no gay male will ever want your musty homophobic vag, they want none at all and deep down you know it. that you'll never be loved and wanted by a gay man, that you'll never be seen as gay or male by anyone. you'll never know the ultimate compatibility and sublime equality that only exists in same-sex love. and now that you've ruined your straight woman privilege, only the most abusive and weird straight men will go after you, whose only purpose is to take advantage of you. what a sad existence, foaming at the mouth at gay people for standing up for ourselves when you fake progressive breeders try to brainwash your fellow homophobes into your heteronormative bioessentialist homophobia, insisting gay people could be bisexually attracted as long as you wear 'boy clothes' and cut your hair off. congrats on alienating the very people you pretend to be, most of us were 'trans allies' just a few years ago before you went full crackhead and started pretending sexuality is based on a made-up gender not biological sex. enjoy withering away in your early menopause knowing no gay person will ever love or desire you, knowing you'll never be us and should be grateful since you couldn’t stand a day of real oppression. choke on as much d*ck as you'd like, it only proves what a wanton female hetero you are and that straight males would stick their d*ck in anyone female

Why are you so desperately obsessed with transgender people that you would spend the time typing this out and sending it to me, a cisgender man, over Tumblr

[brothermoth]

on trans men

I think there's a huge uptick in transphobia (I shan't use the no no word because this isn't about that, but I will use the tag for traction) towards trans men. It is NOT from any one group in particular, but I think the queer community especially needs to reckon with this alongside discussions of transfeminism and the overall social reckoning with trans people as a whole. We're a hot topic right now and facing so much fucking nonsense.

I think y'all need to hear from a person. We're all people, I think we forget sometimes.

I'm 5'1, I've got uncomfortably big tits. I look like a 13 year old closeted gay boy if you squint your eyes a bit. I do not pass, except maybe to old people once in a while who think I'm a child. In my personal life I do not discuss my gender identity. I'm not out to a single family member and I pushed my mom far enough by getting my hair cut short and buying men's clothes—so I will not be pushing further until I'm out of the house. I wouldn't necessarily be unsafe, but it would ruin every single (already deeply awkward) relationship with every person in my family. I think the stress would finally do me in, and I literally just stopped being suicidal like eight months ago when I started college.

I don't feel like a person, just someone in a state of waiting like I've been in a cocoon my whole life with no end in sight. Starting college was a chance for me to peek out a bit and start to explore something I really couldn't before. For the first time I could actually start to say I'm transmasc.

Hearing someone who I already felt disliked me say "ugh I hate men" spiked my anxiety through the damn roof. I need y'all to understand what that feels like to a trans man, especially one just starting to step out of the closet. I have C-PTSD and severe trust issues to boot, and now I have to decide whether we just don't click as people or if she (a queer woman) just doesn't like me because I'm masc. I've had it happen, it's not an unfounded anxiety spiral.

It's not actively oppressing me for her to say that, but it still hurts. You don't THINK about who you are hurting. It's not Kyle with his MAGA hat and Ford F-150. It's the closeted trans guy who is now deeply wary of you and also overanalyzing everything he does to avoid making you uncomfortable.

I might be taking this discourse a bit personally. I'm aware, despite my brain being a soup of mental illness. It's just strangers on the internet after all, but it does bleed into my own personal life and it's fucking heartbreaking. It really is.

I think some of you forgot that trans men are people. I think some of you have stripped us of our humanity and our lives and the things that we struggle with every day. I'll call it what it is: it's fucking transphobia.

You do not get to enable or enact transphobia on trans men in the name of feminism. We're your fucking allies. Abortion bans and transphobic legislature and abuse in relationships and ostracisation from society and family. We're not a monolithic group of bearded Abercrombie models (not to shame those who are, y'all are great), in fact I think it's fair to say that most trans men are seen as women. A lot of us don't correct people when they assume. To everyone but myself I'm a smartass autistic girl. I have more in common with the incredible Jennifer Coates in her article "I am a trans woman. I am in the closet. I am not coming out" than I do with a cis man.

And I'm sorry but there's very few trans men with ANY social privilege to oppress anyone. To pretend otherwise is to be ignorant of our lives, our history, and us as people who are often in the same situations as trans women. We're seen as women who are "trying to be men" trying to achieve something that even cis men can't get right. We're "dykes" we're "trannies" we're sex perverts and sex workers and faggots and failed daughters who will never do anything right. Budget lesbians, little girls. Cis womanhood and masculinity are things that no trans person can ever achieve. Don't be foolish enough to pretend otherwise.

Trans women you are my allies. My transfem friends are in the same situation as me. Afraid to come out, stuck being yourself only in certain places and struggling with our own cages of oppression.

Lesbians you are my allies. Especially you, butch lesbians. Never good enough, never perfect enough, never what your parents wanted and always questioned about the way you dress or do your hair.

We're not as different as we often think.

Building community and solidarity means listening and understanding sharing experiences that are often so similar.

Communism=community I don't know why SO MANY Marx stans refuse to understand that his views rely on understanding and cooperation between working class people (which is also why I think communism is deeply flawed....i think daddy Karl had a bit too much faith in humanity, but that's another issue)

Separatism is death. I am not kidding. You know what emperor penguins do when Arctic winters get to sub zero temperatures? They huddle together and take turns bearing the brunt of the wind.

Don't fucking buy into separatist bullshit. Find fucking common ground with your allies, talk it through like adults instead of resorting to name calling and hatred.

Any activism worth it's salt must come from a place of love rather than hate. Vitriol solves nothing and y'all are tearing us all apart.

[aishabellasbigblogofeverything]

If i may hope into your inbox rq to rant,i think there's a special kind of masculinazation queer black women go through specifically.There's this weird thing white cis wlw have where they automatically assume 'black women with a queer gender/orientation=masculine presentation' even if the bw in question is blatantly femme(remember the tomboy Megan Thee Stallion allegations💀)and it's highkey insane how they can't wrap their heads around the fact that black women can be girlypops and softgirls as much as any other queer women and i can only imagine how much worse it is for femme black trans women

Like for me i'm bigender and genderfluid along with being bi so i understand why people would assume i want to be masc on first meeting but a quick look at my blog or talking with me will make it very obvious i'm a dude but not the slightest bit masculine and that's absolutely influenced by my black womanhood but white woman fragility makes the idea of unlearning misogynoir 'scary'🙄Ntm my white trans girl friends have been way more normal about me and guys like me than cis girls so that adds to my opinion that transfem and black woman friendships are almost inherent and the overlap between transmisogyny and misogynoir.They think it's 'allyship' but the thing is almost no black woman ever asks to be masculineized

All of this is so true!!!

And then there's the fact that whenever you see Black wlw rep in media, they are almost always butch/stud or on the androgynous/masculine side, and while that does deserve rep, you hardly see femme Black wlw nearly as much, especially when they're paired with a non-Black or lighter-skinned Black girl who will almost always be the femme to their butch, it feels like Black wlw almost never get to be the feminine one.

A lot of white wlw I've seen tend to assume that Black wlw must be masculine, often so that they can be the more feminine one and it's unfair. Plus I feel like Black femme lesbians in particular face a DOUBLE form of femme invisibility that other femmes do not, because while femmes in general are read as straight or seen as having straight-passing privilege(which we do not), Black femmes often face both where we are assumed to be straight feminine girls or we are seen as not being "lesbian" enough because we're femme when Black lesbians must be studs. And it's unfair. And also I wish there was a term specifically for Black femme lesbians the way Black masc lesbians have stud, that was common and widespread, but I also just know that if a term like that did exist, then it would just be co-opted by non-Black femmes anyway, just like non-Black mascs try to do with stud.

I feel too that my femmeness is def influenced by my Black womanhood as well so I see where you're coming from. And I also agree that Black girls and trans girls(esp Black trans girls) should be friends because our oppression, although not identical, has a lot in common on the grounds that we are both denied womanhood by the white gender binarist society.

I wish this was a thing people talked about more, a lot of people act like femmes don't have any unique problems or that we are privileged for being straight-"passing" or having "so much representation" in media, when that is not the case and especially ignores the reality of being a femme of color, especially a Black femme who has to fight to be allowed to embrace her femininity and not be seen as man-lite due to white supremacy. I feel like only other femmes and butch lesbians care about our struggles but that the wider non-lesbian/non-wlw society doesn't? Especially with a lot of lgbt men/male-aligned people saying that the lgbt community has a "fear of/aversion to" masculinity which is complete bullshit(unless you're referring to butch/masc/stud women of course). But we need to start having this conversation! So thank you for bringing it to my attention!

[ashes-onthewind]

you'll forever be a cringey immature straight girl no matter if you call yourself a he or a xim or a identify as a table leg, no matter how many bone-eroding cross-sex hormones you take or whether you amputate or boobs or not. biologicallly you will always be a female heterosexual since that's what you were born as. neuroscience proves that heteros aka opposite-sex attracted people have distinct brain phenotypes from gay people, regardless of if they identify as trans or not. heterosexual aka male-attracted 'transmen' have the same brain chemistry as any normie het woman, proving both that sexuality is only determined by sex and that transness isn't innate the way homosexuality is. you can larp as whatever, call neuroscience and basic knowledge on sexuality 'stinky doo doo opinions' like a petulant child who just realized santa isn't real. the only thing you're doing is embarrassing yourselves in front of anyone with the slightest cerebral functionality because you're mad we're calling out your gay-fetishizing homophobic anti-scientific bs for what it is unlike the tras who pretend to see you as 'gay' 'men' because they feel sorry for your mentally ill ass and your internalized misogyny. sure you het women will never be in an equal relationship with a male because straight men see you as throwaway sex toys and free domestic servants but this isn't an excuse for you to fetishize gay men and pretend to be them, certainly not an excuse to expect them to go along with the charade and put up with you het weirdos preying on them. het males aren't dumb when it comes to manipulating women for easy p*ssy which is why they're already on grindr with your het ass, pretending to be QWeEr and non-binary to get that mentally ill gullible cooch. no actual gay male will look at you and have any other emotion aside from anger and pitiful laughter. even if you 'pass' completely, they'll be disgusted after learning you have female genitalia and lose any attraction they may have had because het sex is abnormal and undesirable to gay people, not falling for and not wanting to fuck the opposite sex is the literal essence of our sexuality which you are diametrically opposed to. you'll just rub your nub away to yaoi like any other fujo who is either an ugly woman or understandably disillusioned with men but the only outcome is that you'll be a bitter p0rn sick lonely coomer just like those crusty basement-dwelling straight men who can't get laid. the worst part is that nearly any het woman like you can get laid, that's no achievement, het men will even pretend to be bi or gay to use you as a fleshlight but no gay male will ever want your musty homophobic vag, they want none at all and deep down you know it. that you'll never be loved and wanted by a gay man, that you'll never be seen as gay or male by anyone. you'll never know the ultimate compatibility and sublime equality that only exists in same-sex love. and now that you've ruined your straight woman privilege, only the most abusive and weird straight men will go after you, whose only purpose is to take advantage of you. what a sad existence, foaming at the mouth at gay people for standing up for ourselves when you fake progressive breeders try to brainwash your fellow homophobes into your heteronormative bioessentialist homophobia, insisting gay people could be bisexually attracted as long as you wear 'boy clothes' and cut your hair off. congrats on alienating the very people you pretend to be, most of us were 'trans allies' just a few years ago before you went full crackhead and started pretending sexuality is based on a made-up gender not biological sex. enjoy withering away in your early menopause knowing no gay person will ever love or desire you, knowing you'll never be us and should be grateful since you couldn’t stand a day of real oppression. choke on as much d*ck as you'd like, it only proves what a wanton female hetero you are and that straight males would stick their d*ck in anyone female

oh hey! someone actually put effort into their hate! how cute! im incredibly disappointed that you're doing shit like this. fuck off and grow up.

your entire argument completely fucking crumbles as soon as you realise the idea of sex disgusts me :)! im trans not because i want to have gay sex, I'm trans because playing at being a girl felt horrible, and now i ID as gay because it's fun and because I don't give a shit what people like you think. fuck off.

oh, and a LOT of gay trans men are T4T, you ignorant fuckface. (since you seem to be so idiotic, that stands for trans for trans, and means that they prefer other trans people) hell knows I am. I much prefer people who know my experience with gender much more intimately than a cis person ever could.

it's almost like your "argument" is solely because you have so much hatred and rot inside you that you feel the need to prey on trans men and invalidate who they are. it's because you're an immature asshole who only wants to make themself feel better by shitting on people who are just existing. i guarantee you, not a single trans man would come within a fucking light year of you. you externalise your hatred because you're too immature to shut your fucking mouth and sit down.

anyway. you fucking coward, come off anon and say that to my face, bitch. if you're so concerned about pussy, stop fucking being one. let the world know how much of a fucking bitch you are. i dare you.

(oh and about your "basic biology"? look up a single study on trans brain chemistry. just one. i know that'll be all the facts your bigoted little brain nugget can handle being exposed to)

[velvetvexations]

As a nonbinary person my biggest problem with enby has always been the fact that it's not ever felt like a word. It's quite literally just saying nb out loud but written out. It's never felt like a real identifier. For as much as the shitty I'm just a girl jokes or saturdays are for the boys sayings are like. Scuffed and bad. The words actually sound like they fit and flow in the sentences. Saying I'm gonna go hang out with the enbies later doesn't sound like a word. It sounds like I'm saying an abbreviation in place of a word. Because that's what it is at the end of the day. It never stopped being just an abbreviation of nonbinary but longer this time and it kinda pisses me off that it's treated like a really Good word. It isn't infantilising or anything bc tbh. It's not any more or less mature than someone just saying the damn letters out loud, but it sure as fuck lacks any sense of formality. People can say they're an enby all they want but it doesn't feel like an identifier if I called myself one, it feels like a descriptor. I think nonbinary people deserve a word for themselves that isn't just. The term for their identity but shortened and then made long again. Especially considering that we don't exactly refer to men and women as ems and doubleyous do we. It's petty, but it keeps me from liking it all the same. If a term that took absolutely Zero Effort to come up with is something that a Big group of who it was supposed to describe really don't fucking like, I dont think it's that big of a deal to put in a little more legwork to make something different

That's an interesting perspective. I guess every word needs an origin?

Idk maybe it would be easier if we made some distinction between internal/personal gender (how you conceptualize yourself) and external/social gender (how you are gendered and treated by others) cis people and post transition trans people usually have an internal gender and an External gender that somewhat match. Pre transition trans people have mismatched internal and external genders, which can produce dysphoria. I personally don't have much of an internal gender at all, but my external gender is "woman" based on presentation and socialization. When i say "trans women are seen as men" what I actually mean is "non-passing trans women are perceived and treated as men by transphobes, a role which has a very narrow set expectations and requirements in order to fully access its privileges, otherwise they get the same treatment as all queer/"failed" men, which is different from the experiences of people gendered externally as women in a lot of complex ways." there's no universal experience of gender and no such thing as a "real" man or woman, that's what "gender is a social construct" MEANS. But still! Our society treats men/boys different than women/girls. And the way people are treated affects how they behave! It's not misgendering anyone to point out and analyze those differences, it's just sociology and gender theory. It can be trans inclusive if you're not an idiot.

Post-transition trans people still generally risk discovery even if they're completely stealth. Besides that, I think it's too close to saying one is that gender also if we split it between the two, since why would one take precedence over the other when gender is fake either way? Identity is personal and people who tell you you're wrong about your identity are just incorrect, it's really simple.

someone i see often in transmisogyny discourse (not gonna drop the user) liked a post saying "intersexism isn't real and it's transmisogyny to say it is", unliked it and denied it when it was brought up to them, and is now pretending it didn't happen. what do you even do about that

I have no idea who you're talking about, but that's bad, I guess?

The ‘transmasc headcannons are all self indulgent, illogical and antifeminist. but transfem headcannons are all intelectual, narratively complex, feminist praxis’ thing reminds me of the ‘yaoi is all self indulgent, illogical and antifeminist. but yuri is all intelectual, narratively complex, feminist praxis’ thing (idk how common it is in fandoms that aren’t homestuck (cus istg that fucking fandom))

it's so deeply annoying

ngl I've been repeating "fellas, is it transphobic to admit that transphobes are transphobic?" ever since you said it (or at least something close to it? I don't remember if this is a direct quote or paraphrase because I was very tired that day) in one of the ask compilations because it sums up the whole thing so succinctly and also just feels good to say

Sorry about all the assclowns who are so eager to assert their bone-deep conviction that yes it totally is -__-;;

we live in a bad timeline

For the "trans-inclusive" cis girls who still insist "transmascs are BETRAYING WOMANHOOD" -

Riiiight...so, COMPLETELY irrelevant question, but how did you and your friends feel about the weird girl in middle and high school? You know, the anime fan with the punk clothes and dyed hair? Started hanging out more with boys than girls around the middle of the year? You DID extend the "bonds of sisterhood" to her too, didn't you?

No? You called her a traitor and a freak too? Even before she started hanging out more with the boys, you thought she was just being a holier-than-thou snob because she wasn't interested in the topics usually considered "girl talk"?

Yeah, I can't imagine why she would have felt more comfortable with the boys either...truly a mystery...yeah she really did totally betray you...yep...

women throw around "pickme" like it's the worst possible thing to be but most pickmes have a pretty good reason for being pickmes and women who complain about them should do some introspection

I think Androhomophobia is the word for MLMs speaking on their unique oppression!

noted!

"Why do trans men need a special word" why do trans women need a special word 🎤 do you just consider mens experiences the default 🤔

for transfem TRFs: because men is what trans women are transitioning away from so it literally was the default for them and they have a hard time understanding the idea that some people want the thing they don't want and don't want the thing they want

for transmasc TRFs: because of course they want to think they're the alpha dogs society revolves around they're all misogynists

As someone who wasn’t on tumblr when that “kill all transmascs” post was going around, what was that about?

I reeeeally hope there’s some context that I’m missing and it wasn’t just one of those “kill all men” jokes from 2012 with “trans” inserted into it.

Also, it’s really disheartening to see this kind of behavior from people who you would otherwise trust.

if it's older than this past March I wasn't around either but there was a post going around just a couple weeks ago

As a nonbinary person: the entire enby thing could be fixed if we just could have terminology without it being relentlessly mocked.

Some people are going to be uncomfortable with enby because it sounds similar to baby and that can feel infantilizing. Some people will not think it’s infantilizing. Some people will not care. This is normal. I think enban is a good term even if enby wasn’t made to be used similarly to boy and girl. I think more explicitly nonbinary terms are good. I want to have more terms to describe myself. Only having enby is annoying.

Yeah like...not having the infrastructure of entrenched and codified language is difficult.

I think there's a degree to which this sort of thing is "spreading", insofar as I see an uptick in random cis people making flippant transandrophobic jokes and then acting like it's antifeminist to disagree. HOWEVER, I also think the hardcore TRFs' views are escalating over time to the point that when their posts break containment they often sound so obviously fucked up that people who aren't as discourse-poisoned are noticing it, rather than just blindly boosting like "Trans rights, I guess!".

the legacy of trans radical feminism: making cis people a little more transphobic

did that one op imply trans men can all just girlmode like its no big deal and takes no effort. like i do girlmode at work but that entails shaving daily and trying to keep my voice high despite having dropped like two octaves.

i feel like all that saves the façade is that my coworkers have known me since pre-T plus my tits are gigantic

he did imply that!

I think all the transmascs on here talking about how being seen as a girl is a privilege should try being a girl not wearing a bra. Or binding. Just letting them hang out. It's amazing how poorly you'll get treated. Bonus points if you're also obviously autistic and generally GNC at the same time

(On that note I think there should be more of a movement for people with boobs to not have to wear a bra because they are so uncomfortable for me and make me extremely dysphoric and I'm sure I can't be the only one-)

That used to be a feminist thing but it seems like everyone retreated from that issue.

What are your thoughts on the idea that TERFs genuinely do hate men the most and the only reason they specifically target trans women is because they see them as men that are "trying to sneak into womens spaces"? I think it makes sense on the basis that they treat trans women badly but sometimes ally with cis men who also hate us because those men aren't "explicitly trying to trick them"

I mean yeah exactly lol TERFs see trans women as men in the middle of actively doing a misogyny or trying to perform a fetish in front of them

[elysisticism]

Dear Queer Kids: It Doesn’t Get Better

The news cycle from the past few months could break your heart, over and over and over again. It consistently spits out stories of our community’s most painful incidents of directed hate, in violent and gory detail. And there’s a new one every time you turn around.

Lately, the theme has been transphobic fear mongering and increased restriction on an even more vulnerable subset: trans youth. The vitriol has always been there, it just wasn’t always so blatantly acted upon, especially so close to home. The hate speech has moved from whispers behind closed doors to shouts in the street, to the mouths of our politicians, to the ink spilled out on our legislation. The consequences are dire: suicide, assault, murder.

This pride month, as I reflect on the past year, I remember the tragic assault and subsequent death of Nex Benedict, a 15-year-old non-binary student just trying to use the school bathroom. I am reminded of my days as a queer and trans kid. It has been over a decade since I was stuck attending public school, but I vividly remember the uncertainty, the fear, and the hopelessness. When my carefully built scaffolding of adult queer life is stripped away, these are the emotions that remain.

At that time, there was a popular campaign, mostly by out gay celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres (we didn’t have a lot of visible trans adults back then) featuring them assuring queer kids, from their mansions, sports cars, or Hollywood sets, that it gets better. I remember the sentiment ringing quite hollow. When you are so immensely vulnerable and in pain in the very present moment, it doesn’t help hearing that it will get better in some far-off imaginary future. We didn’t know if we’d survive until then.

Now, reflecting on the last ten years from a vantage point above the chaos of teenage life, it would still ring hollow. You need to know that it doesn’t get better – it gets different.

As a non-binary teenager, one of my biggest hurdles wasn’t hate, it was invisibility. It may be because of my privilege as a less feminine, middle-class white kid, or my propensity to people-please, stay quiet, and focus on academics, but I was rarely a victim of deliberate and directed transphobia or discrimination. This doesn’t mean that those teenage years were easy for me. Invisibility comes with its own set of hardships: constant misgendering, gaslighted excuses for why it was ‘too difficult to understand,’ and a reputation as the ‘weird kid’ ate at me each day, nibble by nibble. Illegibility shielded me from targeted violence, but it also shielded my true self from the world. From underneath the covers, I could peak out at a world that was barely beginning to accept cisgender gay couples, and pretend to be asleep (deny my truth and project myself as girl) when the wrong type of attention was drawn, dreaming of a time when it would get better, and I would be recognized for who I am.

Slowly, the transgender community has gained societal awareness through campaigns, media attention, and the hard work of queer activists. However, not all attention is good attention. With an increase in general dialogue surrounding the transgender community has come an increase in hateful dialogue, misinformation, bigoted rhetoric, and violent actions. To be clear, the hate is not new: gender non-conformity has been seen as unacceptable for generations of Western society. However, the hate has evolved and gained traction amongst those who can use it for their own gain.

In the present moment, hate against such a miniscule but exposed minority of the general population is a rallying point, a dog-whistle, and a distraction. Fueled by disinformation, purposeful misunderstandings, and exaggerated or blatantly false claims, transgender people have become a common enemy. To the loudest of our critics, we never were individual humans with unique actions, aspirations, and lives we are attempting to live free of violence. Instead, we symbolize an attack on the status quo and everyone who belongs to it or benefits from it. Truly, I do not believe that most people have an ingrained motive to hate our community; what they hate is the feelings of vulnerability that emerge within themselves as a reaction to societal changes beyond their control. Spurred on by certain faith leaders, politicians, and influencers, they have turned this fear into anger and have directed it those more marginalized than themselves.

The consequences of this movement are now beginning to come to fruition. Transgender youth looking to participate in sports, get an education, or merely go to the bathroom face a barrage of restrictions, discrimination, and violence. The most vulnerable members of our community who do not experience outright beatings will absorb the environment of hate that has seeped into our institutions and transform it into self-loathing. At best, self-loathing shuts tight and locks the closet door, preventing queer kids from ever experiencing and sharing their true selves. At worst, self-loathing turns to careless risk-taking, self-harm, and suicide. Simply put, transphobia on the societal level leads to trans death again and again and again.

Perhaps this age-old song of hate will decrescendo, but it will always be audible in the background of our lives. The privileged fearful will find a new victim-enemy, re-concentrate on another vulnerable group, and begin to ignore us once again. Then, just as we did after the second world war, after the government purge, and after the HIV/AIDS crisis we will quietly emerge from the shadows, take stock of our circumstances, mourn our dead, and continue to live. We will learn their new rhetoric, we will educate a new generation, and we will advocate for the most vulnerable amongst us. We will survive again and again and again.

It doesn’t get better - it gets different. Yet we adapt to this difference every time and every time we continue to survive.

But if it doesn’t get better, if the hate continues to circulate, evolving and reforming each time, why must we endure? Why should our community, and our youth, continue to subject themselves to the same violence experienced by our queer ancestors?

Queer youth of today, you must know that there is more to life than perpetual hate. The storm may rage around us, but there will be moments where you find yourself in the eye. When you finally put on that item of clothing and the mirror reflects back the true essence of who you are; when you find the group of friends and chosen family that stick with you, no matter what; when you look your partner in the eye and spark that feeling of belonging, feeling of home.

These islands of queer joy sustain us, nurture us, and remind us of why we fight again and again and again.

You don’t need to listen to those privileged celebrities in their mansions, sports cars, and Hollywood sets telling you it gets better in some distant future. You also don’t need to listen to the hate-mongering faith-leaders, politicians, and influencers. What you need, and what I know is out there for you, is a community of allies, peers, and queer elders that will assure you that you are welcome, just the way you are.

This is how we continue in the face of hate, violence, and death. We gather – in secret, in public, online, in person, covertly, in colourful displays, at protests, at memorials, out loud, and in whispers. We find each other and we hold fast to one another, we support each other, we care for each other, and we ensure our own survival.

I must tell you that it doesn’t get better. The hate never goes away. But you will grow into a community of resilience, a community of hope, and a community fueled by moments of your very own queer joy.

[systemnamenotfound404]

hiii can we rq a lvl 3 of Daisuke from Mouthwashing? :3c thank you!!

hereee u gooo tired my best to build him as source accurate as i could given witht he infooo >:) hopeee uu enjoyyy -💊

Name(s): Daisuke, Keisuke, Sasuke , Daiki, Taisei, Taiyo ,Daigo, Taiki, Daiso ,Daishin ,Tadashi

Nickname(s)/Title(s): The Kid, Clumsy Intern

Pronoun(s): He/Him/she/her/they/them/fae/faer/chu/chy/lae/lace/hie/hym/hiz/xe/xem/xers/ze/hir/hirs/

Age: Late teens/Early twenties/ 20, 22, 23, 17, 19,18

Gender: Male, trans ftm, constellunyx, spacecowboy. nonbinary, demi-boy, demi-girl

Sexuality: Bisexual, gay, straight, obsessio-romatic, insougay, amatriromatic, , ambifleuric, ace,  bi-curious

Species: Human

Role: sympton holder, memory holder, hapiness holder, non-rolled/roleless, lover, , naivety holder

Source: Mouthwashing (video game)

Emoji sign offs:🌴💛😊

Front triggers (pos/neg/neu):

Positive: Excitement about new experiences, praise from others, happy memories, good memories, hapiness,

Negative: Failure, criticism, abandonment fears , trauma, bad memories, gettin triggered

Neutral: Routine tasks, discussions about the past

likes: Smiling and making others happy, Trying to prove himself despite shortcomings. Forming connections with crew members (system members), Eating sugary foods, Going to arcades, Vintage thrifting Playing board games with friends (specifically mentioned with Anya), Attempting to follow rules and please authority figures

dislikes: Being seen as incompetent, Failing to live up to expectations. not being let to help out due to pl expecting him to imdeatly "screw" things up/ make things worse, Being seen as useless or unhelpful,  Being criticized or undermined by others (especially Swansea), Struggling to find meaning in life, Being away from home and living in a stricter environment, Being perceived as aimless or without direction in life,

Personality: Optimistic, enthusiastic, naive, determined, insecure, loyal to go more in dpeth; Daisuke starts off as a joyful but very clumsy and insecure young man. He grows to become more confident and brave throughout the story. He uses his time wisely by making those around him smile, serving as a beacon of light in dark situations, hes Easily the most optimistic member aboard the ship. Almost always enthusiastic and excited about things happening around the system, . affable and peppy in his exterior demeano. Despite his cheerful exterior, he struggles to find meaning in life, feeling like he's a disappointment for struggling to do things right .He often looks to authority figures in the system and tries to follow the rules whenever possible .He has a tendency to feel incompetent despite his efforts. He has a habit of eating sugary foods and drinking Dragonbreath mouthwash, Daisuke seems to have come from a somewhat privileged background, as Jimmy hints at his possibly being from a wealthy family ("mommy and daddy" would have him covered) though this is left ambiguous

Typing Quirk: May type in all caps when excited or upset

Faceclaim:

Daisuke's appearance in the game (tall young man with tanned skin, semi-dyed brown hair, almond-shaped brown eyes, round face with moles)

extra: Daisuke initially didn't want to take the internship on the Tulpar  His parents arranged for him to do the internship, seeing it as a way to help him find direction in life. Daisuke has a complicated relationship with Jimmy, who openly dislikes him. Daisuke seems to have a friendly relationship with Anya, enjoying playing board games together, The kanji for his name might mean "big, assist," which is ironic given his perceived lack of usefulness , The hibiscus flower in his outfit has cultural significance - it's offered to pray for the happiness of those who have passed away

hex code: Light Coral (#F08080)