#freud wishes he could study us…

[philhoffman]

Blah blah oral fixation etc. You get the idea

[graveyard-party666]

Blood & Wine

Put the bet on... on something.

Another day, another chapter. This one is shorter because i didn't want anyone who reads to get bored midway.

Next chapter will be longer. And hopefully life won't punch me in the face yet again, so i can post a new chapter sooner.

P.S. Today Kler and her song "Любов" ("Love") helped me a lot to put this chapter together. Thank you, Kler.♡

"In the depths of the depths That salty love Emerges, emerges And will fly between the worlds Looking for those two again To connect, and will connect them"

She has no idea how she got there. One moment she's trying to study criminology, the next she's working as an interrogation expert and psychologist for an elite Task Force. Soldiers mixed with CIA agents mixed with private companies like Shadow Company. Too much for someone who tries to avoid the whole military world.

Red even regrets starting to work in that mess, also a bit angry at Kate Laswell and her honeyed words that could convince even professionals like Red to 'help the right cause.'

Fucking empathy and the wish to always help everyone. Right, Red?

Those regrets don't last long - she simply has no time to think about it much. And like a proper psychologist, Red tells herself: 'Be positive, keep it positive!' while at the same time wanting to fist fight Soap for trying to start a political banter with Gaz.

'I love that work!' - new mantra for Red. Works with varied success. The thing that works non-stop just like she does is tranquilizers.

She loves that work unironically, at least for down-to-earth Captain Price. Bless his soul.

Truth be told, Red has no idea why they need her there. Absolutely all of them are amazing at human behavior reading. Maybe they themselves don't understand that? Who knows.

But all of them are weirdly sweet. Even Ghost or as Red calls him 'Mr. My Chemical Romance' is strangely patient with the "lowly" civvie. Well, he was the one to give her the nickname, wasn't he? 'You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed' maybe? Because sometimes Red feels like a little pet the men of Task Force took in - a bit annoying and might reduce stress. (While giving her even more stress).

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"Ye sure that Freud was wrong about oral fixations? Price smokes a lot. Maybe it's something from childhood?" Soap fell down with a loud thump on the small couch in Red's office.

"You smoke too, Soap," the woman shakes her head, looking skeptically at the Scottish soldier.

"All of us do, lassy," the man mumbles, taking the couch pillow and making it a hostage of his hug. "But Price... Price smokes too much!" His Scottish accent is nice to the ear. Not harsh, yet prominent.

"Well, considering how messy some of your missions are... no wonder he smokes so much," Red shrugs, looking out the window of her office, gazing at the trees near the base, enjoying the spring green.

Captain Price is a workaholic. Everyone knows that. Late hours is nothing to him if the work calls. No matter if he needs to save the world or to file some paper work. He just gets himself a glass of whiskey and a good cigar.  And works, works and works. Red is jealous of his ability to sit and do the work so patiently without needing to stop every fifteen minutes and stare into the wall.

Sergeant's tired sight brings Red back from the deep thoughts.

"Why are you here, by the way? Something happened?"

"Why every time I'm visiting, you think I did something? You never doubt LT like you doubt me, lass." MacTavish couldn't help but tease.

"Why? Because it was you who tried avoiding Ghost after losing his knife while sitting in my office... lad," Red let out a chuckle, remembering that whole ordeal. "Your mohawked head cannot stay out of troubles for at least a week..."

"Yeah... fair." Scotsman laughs, turning to look at the ceiling. His blue eyes are still full of something. Something that Red understands as a curiosity.

"Why does Ghost spend so much time here in your office, though?" Mischievous glint in John's eyes took Red off guard. "He doesn't want to talk about the fact that he spends most of his free time on base here, in your office."

Soap is sometimes too smart for his own good. He's sees small things, notices the smallest changes in human behavior. Red once thought that if he wouldn't be a soldier he would make a good psychologist. But on the other hand Soap and his fiery personality helps him a lot in his line of work.

Interacting with him is interesting. He is weirdly accepting of Red's anonymity. Which, of course, warms her heart and gives her the feeling of belonging that she was seeking. She would never tell him that, though.

Red knows damn well not to give Soap too much information. Not to give him something that he might use later to tease her or his Lieutenant.

"Because, my dear Soap, my sweet sweet lovely, Johnny..." the psychologist began, using that sweet, nice voice on the Scottish soldier, "I'm cooler than you all!"

Soap couldn't help but laugh, still thinking that he won't leave his question unanswered. He's persistent, he'll finds out his truth. Like he always does. If not truth than at least something to tease Red and Ghost with.

Or maybe he and the rest should put the bets on... on something.

Silence filled the room yet again, letting them both enjoy fleeting moments of peace.

Tag list: @cloudofbutterflies92 @chloekistune @justasmolbard

[psyche-pulse]

Eureka Mind: A Journey into Psychology

I am a second-year psychology major who finds myself at a crossroads between my academic interests and the life events that have brought me here.

I was always the one with a million questions as a youngster about why people act, feel, and think the way they do. I clearly remember watching my family and friends, attempting to understand the hidden feelings that lay underneath their smiles or the causes of their sporadic outbursts. I had no idea that these harmless observations would spark my intense curiosity about how the human psyche functions.

Ah, let me take you back to that crucial day when I realised psychology was my passion, the day that changed my life forever. In the eleventh grade, our class had planned a special activity: a showing of "A Beautiful Mind."

(Photo credits to scoopwhoop.com)

I was completely entranced by the nuanced depiction of the complexity of the human mind as I sat there, enthralled by the captivating tale of John Nash, a great mathematician fighting schizophrenia. The film showed Nash's mind's genius as well as the intense difficulties he had while battling his mental illness.

I felt like a stormy sea of emotions in that pitch-black classroom. Not only was the heartbreaking narrative on the screen enough to bring tears to my eyes, but I also came to the realisation that psychology provided a fundamental insight of what it is to be a human—the beauty and the hardships, the brilliance and the fragility.

I was still feeling the effects of the movie days after it had ended. My teacher and I got into debates about how mental illness is portrayed, the complexity of the mind, and the stigma that frequently surrounds mental health. I became fascinated by the idea of learning more and discovering the science underlying our ideas and feelings.

I immediately recognised psychology as my field of study. It wasn't simply a decision about a job; it was also a deeply personal voyage of self-discovery and a resolve to improve the lives of others. I wanted to learn more about the views of famous philosophers like Freud, Jung, and Skinner, as well as the underpinnings of human behaviour.

I came to know and understand that psychology was more than simply a topic as I studied more about it; psychology was a lens through which I could see the world with empathy and understanding. By bridging the gap between what we perceive on the surface and what lurks underneath, it gave me a tool to solve the puzzles of human behaviour.

In my own life, psychology emerged as a guiding light at dark moments. It assisted me in overcoming obstacles, comprehending my feelings, and developing deep relationships with others. Throughout my academic career, I gained an understanding of how important it is for each of us to have good mental health since it is a crucial component of who we are.

I write a blog on this fascinating subject. It's more than simply a blog; it serves as evidence of my passion for psychology and the long-lasting influence one movie had on my life. Through my thoughts and experiences, I wish to inspire others with the same sense of wonder and compassion, inspiring them to delve into the mysteries of the human mind and appreciate the magnificence of our common humanity.

Welcome to my psychological universe, a place full of wonder, empathy, and development. Together, let's set out on this revolutionary adventure to learn more about the mind's mysteries, one tale at a time.

Few of the quote from the movie which I totally adore.

(Pictures credit to Pinterest)

[electronicbreadpatrol]

I messed up the post

The other thing I've been studying is people faking 'disassociate identity disorder' they'll make videos like; "my alters have diffrent hand writing!" I'd like to introduce these ppl to some of the patients my analyst trainer was treating. In particular a woman who was molested that upon mention would become entirely catatonic, utterly vacant. And you could do that at will, so she and the other paranoid patient were incredibly fragile, they had a teinues grasp of reality in general. Theres a method of lacans which amounts to redirecting thought patterns, essentially you are redirecting those memories for ; a gesture, putting a stress ball in their hand, etc. Theres a famous case of this, a French woman told lacan the nazis would wake her up at six, and he basically rubbed the side of her cheek, the reason being for the German word for secret police and the French word for gester so gestapo ---> gester. She mentioned decades after she still can almost feel his hand. So the idea being you want her to think gester at 6am.

I don't agree with zizek in so far as he states you should be depressed anxious etc as a result of the society you live under, I completely disagree, you should not feel x y z, you will feel x y z. Assume as a child you walked in on your parents getting dressed, you would be totally horrified, because children aren't really interested in any of that, BUT they are especially horrified by their parents being nude. This is not some "dur dur you want to bang your mom" point, of which freud did not say (dont be retarded) the sexual stages of development are not inherent sexual, except for the one during puberty, it is just describing a child's development over all. For example children who were excessively punished/ scolded during potty training may become analy retentive later in life, which is freuds point that things children experience are often much more traumatic, regardless of said trama is rational. Peoples minds will actually fill in the blank, you could completely make up a trama all in your head, which is not dissimilar to the idea of AI hallucinations.

The oral stage; a new born can't use their hands, they communicate with grunts, cries, and they chew on things. Meaning their main mode of communication or interactions with the world are entirely from their mouths.

But socially western society is schizophrenic regarding children, they simultaneously demand the child has fun & they demand more mature adult behavior from them. Which repressive de sublimation, this sort of inversion of orthodox freudianism, "just do it" amounting to a sort of englishtened hedonism. Diet coke for example, the result of this sort of liberal frame work is coke without coke, liberal tolerance with intolerance etc. A sort of push towards hedonism being placed above all other concerns, but while espousing rhetoric about the downtrodden. It can result in a sort of survivors guilt, which liberal markets have an almost brilliant solution. When you buy coffee, automatically a donation to charity is sort of baked into the final price. Which is precisely what I mean by "coke, without coke.

Désir de la mère etc etc etc etc, Wunsch, désir, there is no true English translations, unless you're content with "wish" being the closest one

[fndportal]

What a year it's been

2022 turned out to be a huge year for the FND community, and I really felt that as someone who's been involved in advocacy for people with FND (and disability justice generally). I'm really proud of what I've been able to bring to the table this year. I also know that I've about reached the limits of what my body can do, and the likelihood of maintaining this pace for longer isn't very high. And that's OK!

So, for no other reason than to enjoy the rearview mirror (and, yeah, ok, to give myself a little pat on the back), here's what I got up to in 2022.

My 2022 Functional Neurological Disorder Projects

Cadenza for Fractured Consciousness: A Personal History of the World's Most Misunderstood Illness - an in-depth essay on the social history and neurobiology of FND, interwoven with passages about the many ways it screwed my life up.

Toronto Western Hospitals' Movement Disorder Clinic website - this is Canada's largest movement disorder clinic. They recently re-did the website, and let me write the info section on FND!

Functional Neurological Disorder: From Witchcraft to Cybernetics - a presentation I gave for the psychiatry department at St. Michael's Hospital in Toronto, and the University of Toronto neurology department. The talk wasn't recorded but here's the slides!

Remapping the Functional / Organic Distinction in Psychiatry and Neurology - this was a neat one-day seminar on the concept of "functional" vs "organic" in medicine (a distinction I don't personally recognize 😜). It was a blast to present there and to learn from a mix of neurologists, psychiatrists, and philosophers who are trying to figure out exactly what it means to have a biological illness, vs a subjective experience, and what is the nature of the overlap?

I offered an argument at this meeting that there is no distinction to be made between "functional" and "organic" - all illness is organic, it's just a matter of figuring out what that organicity consists of, and how its rendered through physiological brain processes into a subjective experience. But there's no illness without biology.

Neurotransmitters Podcast - Dr. Michael Kentris invited me to chat about the stigma people with FND face, what the disorder is, and where medicine should go next to try to improve things. He was a gracious, knowledgeable host and I found myself listening and learning as much as sharing here.

The FND Society Podcast - Dr. Alan Carson invited myself, musician Tom Plender, and neuroscientist Devon Oship (all of us have FND!) to chat about the concept of "conversion disorder." A lively round of dunking on Freud ensued.

FNDS 2022 - This was the highlight of my year.

Katlab's "InME" study: a really cool project being run by Katerina Fotopoulou at University College London. They're looking at how interoceptive training (that is, the accurate sensing and regulation of the internal body) may help with symptoms of FND. I'm on hand as a patient advisor.

AAN's Guidelines project for functional seizures - The American Academy of Neurology creates "Guidelines" that tell neurologists how best to treat various neurological conditions. Until now, no such guideline has existed for FND seizures. I'm excited to be contributing to this one as I hope it'll send a strong signal to neurologists, once it's completed, that it's time to take FND seriously.

The protocol that determines how the project goes forward is open for public comment until Jan 4, if you'd like to share your thoughts!

The Landing Pad - this project is maybe closest to my heart: a "what I wish someone had given me when I was diagnosed" package of resources for understanding FND, and starting the recovery process.

There's more to come in 2023. But I think I can look back with some gratitude and satisfaction at everything that happened in 2022, conscious of the fact that the most impactful projects are things we do together, in teams or communities. Contributing to these projects, bringing whatever I could to them to try to add to the collective effort, was the best I could do. And doing the best I can felt good.

Catch you in 2023!

[psychreviews2]

The Art of Seeing - How to appreciate art (Psychology of Things Part 2 of 2)

This is Part 2 of a series on the psychology of things. If you want to get a basic understanding of Mihaly's work you can see Part 1 below.

“It fixed me like a statue a quarter of an hour, or half an hour, I do not know which, for I lost all ideas of time, even the consciousness of my existence.” – Thomas Jefferson on Marius Imprisoned at Minturnae by Drouais

What is good art?

In the ambitious study "The Art of Seeing: An Interpretation of the Aesthetic Encounter", Csikszentmihalyi and his associates analyze how a person experiences and appreciates art. Through the use of questionnaires of art experts, both the reason why we like art, and what we can do to enjoy it more, are explored.

Artist as Neurotic

The connection between the artist and the subject has been analyzed before by another famous Psychologist. His take focuses on the anxiety of the artist's life:

“An artist is originally a man who turns away from reality because he cannot come to terms with the renunciation of instinctual satisfaction which it at first demands, and who allows his erotic and ambitious wishes full play in the life of phantasy. He finds the way back to reality, however, from this world of phantasy by making use of special gifts to mould his phantasies into truths of a new kind, which are valued by men as precious reflections of reality. Thus in a certain fashion he actually becomes the hero, the king, the creator, or the favourite he desired to be, without following the long round-about path of making real alterations in the external world. But he can only achieve this because other men feel the same dissatisfaction as he does with the renunciation demanded by reality, and because that dissatisfaction, which results from the replacement of the pleasure principle by the reality principle is itself a part of reality." ~ Freud On Metapsychology

Mihaly's studies of Flow included people who got into Flow in many activities, including the workplace and in sports, but here he expands farther than Freud. He sees art as something that makes life "richer, more meaningful, and more enjoyable."

The Head and the Heart

The book begins with the conflict between a rationalist intellectual analysis of art, and romantic feelings from the subject. Between rationalism and romanticism, by the end of this study, it finds a common ground where both can not only co-exist, but both the head and the heart can inform each other to increase the pleasure of the viewing subject. Part of the intellectual enjoyment of art is when the artwork starts to give the subject new understandings that were hidden and inaccessible before viewing the artwork.

At other times the subject has a mental model of perfection and the artwork actually achieves it. At it's highest level, art can bring the audience an experience that transcends reality indicating how it could be.

The contribution from the romantic perspective is the sheer beauty emanating from the artwork. When the artwork projects a sense of order out of the chaotic world, it is reflected in the subject with the same pleasurable emotions that the subject gains from mastering the environment in the real world. Order out of chaos creates an emotional harmony in the subject, especially when the subject's emotional needs are met by the artwork or a point of view of the subject is validated.

Different people, different experiences

Because each subject who visits an art gallery is different, artworks will resonate with different people based on their personal life story, their current skill level of interpretation, and the appropriate level of challenge the artwork presents to the subject.

The study says that “the aesthetic experience occurs when information coming from the artwork interacts with information already stored in the viewer’s mind. The result of this conjunction might be a sudden expansion, recombination, or ordering of previously accumulated information, which in turn produces a variety of emotions such as delight, joy, or awe. The information in the work of art fuses with information in the viewer’s memory – followed by the expansion of the viewer’s [awareness], and the attendant emotional consequences.” There are so many moving parts to art appreciation that it can be daunting for the beginner, but this complexity also allows the subject lots of opportunity to grow into the skill.

Art and Flow

To get into Flow while enjoying art creates a lot of challenges for the subject. There has to be an elimination of distractions, a goal of what the subject wants from the artwork, and feedback from the interaction with the artwork. The subject viewing the art also needs some prior skills in interpreting art, without which, the variety of accessible art diminishes.

When the art is really resonating with the subject it can almost go into a religious experience. One participant in the study described an artwork as "so beautiful that you could worship that thing." This is a key to understanding all areas of pleasure in human life and how people rate their experiences. The more competent the experience, the more a subject feels a need to worship it and proselytize it to others.

The Art of Seeing

Under the structure created by Monroe Beardsley (1982), and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (1975), here is the summary of how you can improve your ability to enjoy art:

Fixed attention on activity or object.

Whether you force your attention on an object or it grabs your eye, attention has to be long enough to truly engage an artwork. One participant said, “for attention to be attracted to the object in the first place, a...set of conditions is necessary. The object must contain a set of visual ‘challenges’ that engages the interpretive skills of the beholder.” The artwork doesn't always have to be pleasant at first when it gets your attention. A participant in the study had this to say about Pollack's Number One:

"I was just indignant, furious. And my reaction was very strong - I really was quite convinced that this was a joke. But it was interesting enough that I kept seeing it over time, and by the time I had gone through part of college I was quite enthusiastic about it and I found it very exciting."

A participant in the study said, "for a certain individual, there will be a reaction in some way. Either you like it or you don't. But you might be taken in by something, it's enough to hold your interest and get you rooted there for a while and start [you] thinking about some other things, places you might be led to from this starting point."

As one engages with an artwork and fixes attention to it, more detail can be gleaned which may make the subject change their mind. Here's another participant's opinion of an artwork:

"When I first saw it I hated it and I thought to myself, 'Hmm, that's interesting. Why do you dislike it?'... And so that's a good reaction to have. To not like something, it's a real reaction. I remember going back to the gallery probably three times during that visit to New York, and forcing myself to look at that work. And the more I looked, the more I found, the more I liked, and the more I wanted to see more of that work."

There is no guarantee that you will like a work if you continually fix attention to it. Another participant made it plain:

"Once in a while I make a bad mistake. I've bought something I thought was beautiful, and then I begin to see an emptiness in it that doesn't get better, it only gets worse."

Many participants felt that great works were "inexhaustible" or "bottomless." When I read this it reminded me of a restaurant I was at where I was reading the book for Part 1 of this series. I was outside on the patio next to the sidewalk. There were very nice fake flowers on the table and a woman was walking past me on the sidewalk. She went greedily to the flowers to enjoy them, but when she got close enough to see the crosshatching, she exclaimed in disappointment "ohhhh there fake!" Like with anything in life if there is not enough depth in mystery, there will be boredom in the subject. Maybe even contempt.

Letting go of concerns about your past and your future.

When absorbed in an artwork, the subject is less likely to be worrying about their past or future. They may compare themselves to the artwork in communication with it, to understand themselves better, but they are not disconnected. Another participant suggested that he needed to be in the "right frame of mind" when looking at works of art. "As long as there isn't a lot of competition for what I'm looking at," whether internal or external, the possibility of an aesthetic experience will exist. "Sometimes," he goes on, "I'll be in sort of a distracted mood and come around the corner and see something that is just so searingly beautiful that it pushes out every other thought." But for the most part, he insists, "I have to gear myself up to look; I have to say 'okay, I'm going into this show or to this exhibition.'" There is an intention to take the art seriously and an openness to "put a part of yourself aside and allow the experience to take place."

Loss of self-consciousness towards the object or activity.

One spoke of Edward Hopper's painting of Nighthawks (1942): "I want to know what those people are doing next; I want to know where they came from and where they're going." This was a way for some of the participants to substitute one reality for another. A respondent felt that the process of visually experiencing a work of art led to a heightened awareness sometimes described as a loss of self or transportation outside the self.

"I think it absorbs, it involves all the senses in a unifying manner. Art is primarily visual, but it heightens your sense of the other, the outside, the thing experienced, and in the process, heightens your awareness of yourself, and even though you're being fully absorbed and transported by an object perceived by the senses, you're losing yourself at the same time you become yourself."

Another respondent said, "very great objects give one a sort of a transcendent experience. It takes you out of the realm of everyday life. You lose the sense of where you are and become absorbed in the object. When that happens, whether it's theater, or looking at art pictures, or reading a beautiful piece of prose, it moves you and transcends you. I think that's part of what art is. It's not common experience, it doesn't happen that often, but it does happen with regularity."

For a work of art to provide an aesthetic experience it must carry a complex load of information for the viewer to unravel. This is why it's possible to go into these Flow states. But as a subject, one has to be able to keep up with the details to maintain that result.

Responding to challenges with adequate skills.

Like a prior respondent said, "I have to gear myself up to look." Viewers must bring their knowledge and training to the encounter with the work of art. Paradoxically, museums have to balance providing the information for the viewer, to bring them up to speed, but not to the level that the viewer is using the guide as a crutch. At some point the viewer has to create their own questions so they can interact with the artwork. Then it becomes enjoyable when the subject is engaging the work themselves. One curator notes, "you can teach how something is composed, categorize it and show where it came from and the importance of the patronage and the personality of the artist and all these different facets," but all of these things, "in themselves wouldn't necessarily make somebody enjoy or appreciate a work of art." What does happen is that "at some point...somehow...people sort of click on, and they suddenly begin to really love the process of looking at a work of art." This dovetails with the need for the subject to have an intention to take the art seriously and eventually go beyond the museum guidance.

A person involved in museum education had clarity of the right balance for museum presentations:

"The challenge of making an audiovisual presentation and putting it in a museum is to take the work of art and find a way of transforming it or abstracting it or doing something with it which makes it accessible to the mind of the person who sees the picture or looks at the sculpture. I think there are very powerful ways that [audiovisuals] can do that. It can open up aesthetic awareness and perception, I think, in ways that are not generally understood, but are very powerful if done well...What I'd do is give them a ten minute audiovisual which takes a whole set of historical ideas and aesthetic viewpoints and all these other things and compresses it into a succinct statement which serves as a transition for the visitor between the neutrality of walking in, to the experience of being engaged with those works of art when they're actually in the show - really thinking in relation to them."

The activity doesn’t need external rewards, they are intrinsically satisfying.

By giving just enough skill to the viewer, they can then use that skill to take ownership of their experience. Hopefully if they have enough enjoyment they will develop skills on their own and practice on their own. Once the subject takes control of their knowledge and measures how well they are doing, they can start taking enjoyable pride in their successful art experiences.

Integrating the experience into the self to expand it.

As the experience is taken in, the subject transcends themselves. The subject is transported into experiences that are different from his or her normal life. Many masterpieces are quite old and time can be transcended when the self merges with an ageless realm of the absolute. By the end of the experience there's a pleasure in how the subject's skills are expanded. Some participants relished their experiences of mastery and accomplishment: "It's conquering the object, having the power over it, not allowing the artist to put something over on you or keep a secret from you. In a certain sense, I hate to admit it, but there is the sense of power, in having an insight, having information."

Literal minded viewers may scoff at the idea that the self is expanded. Yet for human consciousness, emotional reactions based on empathy, information about the artwork and the artist, and the active use of the viewer's imagination, they can help the viewer connect with the artist's point of view and transcend their own.

The Art of Seeing: An Interpretation of the Aesthetic Encounter ~ Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Rick E. Robinson: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780892361564/

Part 1: The Meaning of Things: http://psychreviews.org/the-meaning-of-things-csikszentmihalyi-rochberg-halton/

Psychology: http://psychreviews.org/category/psychology01/

[irlpadme]

Camellia and Daisy

flower asks!

camellia: i've always dreamed of visiting australia and italy since i was like 5. i want to see the sydney opera house and the beautiful beaches, i just feel this paradisiac feeling every time i look at pictures and see documentaries of australia. i feel like i'm meant to go there, it's something i have to do in this lifetime, like i'm supposed to. i also really want to tour pompeii, i've always been fascinated by it and it's actually one of my special interests/hyperfixations. i collect books, documentaries, artwork and replica jewelry, etc. and i've cosplayed cassia from the film pompeii (2014), i've gone to museum exhibitions, etc. and i'm just fascinated with ancient rome. i'm also part italian also i need to have my lizzie mcguire move moment, haha. i'd also love to see where the blue lagoon was filmed on turtle island in fiji.

daisy: my greatest accomplishment was making it this far lmao my senior project before graduating university with my bachelor's degree in english. it's not the education or the merit or the stupid piece of paper, but the fact that i got to bring my passion into my experience and dedicate my time as a student to my passion with no rules and i got to make it entirely my own and put my heart and soul into it. i wrote a huge paper on a deep character analysis of billy hargrove (stranger things), the most hated but truly misunderstood character on the show to defend him and explain that he wasn't a bad person. he was a deeply complex character who had been an abuse victim his whole life and reacted in such extreme/alarming/unhealthy ways from a place of trauma. i did my heavy research with a psychological approach, quoting and including excerpts from psychology professionals and studies on the long-term effects in abused children, using freud's psychological coping mechanisms with textual examples from "runaway max". i included detailed passages where billy was being beaten bloody by his father, tense moments of microaggressions that built up, insinuations, the description of a physical attack that wasn’t seen but heard, the constant threats, how nobody knew what happened behind closed doors except for max, how billy was unfairly regarded as a "monster" when the real one was his father just because he wasn't a sweet, sugar coated soft boi. i wish i could share it here because i nailed it, the information i delivered and the way i was able to make such strong points... i did it. i slayed. i blew them all away. i could have single handedly converted antis with this. either way, i proved them wrong in their hatred and even used the duffers' actual screenplay to reveal billy's true colors and that he was a hero, with the valuable and positive traits people are blind to because they only take him for the negative moments at face value. the class showcased their senior projects at a ceremony, and one girl came up to me and said she hated billy because "he was (....ist, ...ist, blah blah blah, you know what they say)" and i told her "well, that's why i chose this as my project so hopefully others can reevaluate him in a different light and appreciate him." and she walked away. not one of my snotty classmates even stopped to look at my beautifully done posterboard, which was honestly better looking than the rest of them (they just slapped lined paper on theirs, bare minimum) and i didn't care what those uppity, cliquey, preppy little brats thought because i got to make the biggest and most critical assignment of my college experience about something close to my heart. billy hargrove is my favorite character of all time because not only is he deep, multi dimensional and complex, but he's raw and authentic, unapologetic in his emotional intensity and he's just trying to survive an abusive parent. all things i can personally relate to.

i didn't care about the grade or any of that (even though I got an A+), this was a project that came to fruition out of pure love and the fire i have for pop culture and my fandoms. i finally got to apply that to my life and my current role, and i enjoyed every second of it and the powerful impact it had. i am still so very proud of it and have the posterboard in my room, i'm keeping it forever. dacre montgomery himself would be proud of me. i'm proud of myself and love that i had the chance and the time and creativity to do that, especially with the chronic limited energy and fast burnout that i have.

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 14

WC: 958

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: angst, hurt/comfort, age difference, mentions of professor/student relationships, language

A/N: and I oop

🧠

"Wait-wait, Kreizler kissed you?" Bitsy is sitting next to you on your bed. She tried to refrain from interrupting while you explained what had happened that evening in his office. You must not have been totally clear in your words; hell, you weren't even making sense inside your own head right now.

"No, Bits. He didn't. And then he told me to leave."

She studies you for a second. "And did you… want him to kiss you?" she asks with hesitation.

"I-" you begin. You were supposed to dislike him, to be friendly for the sake of work at best. He was still the self-centered and arrogant man you first met underneath everything, even if your relationship had improved the last three or so weeks. But when you consider Bitsy’s question only one word comes to mind: yes. God, you did want him to kiss you there on the floor of his office.

You aren't sure when things changed. It was like seeing a photograph that you have no memory of being taken, but was undeniably you in the picture. It was a puzzle piece finally being put into place. A light illuminating a dark room. A freight train at full speed. Maybe Freud was right when he said our dreams can tell us the things we don’t even know that we want yet; can tell us what we need.

"I did want him to," you admit softly, both to Bitsy and to yourself.

Bitsy wraps her arm around your shoulders and pulls you to her chest. "You know - I'm really not surprised. I mean I won't lie, I still predicted hate-sex over this but… you’ve been acting different since Chicago. You’ve seemed a lot happier.” In a lighter tone she adds “and we both know he’s your type. Older, intellectual, has a steady job, dark hair and a nice beard, and he’s got your standard ‘dad-bod’.” You laugh into her neck. You know she’s right, he checks off all your boxes. If he hadn’t been so off putting the first time you met you would have definitely developed your crush on him sooner.

A crush?

No.

It was so much more than that. Never in your life had you felt this sort of unrestrained passion and connection to another person. He drove you fucking nuts in every sense of the word. Everytime he spoke you hung onto his words like they were oxygen. You wanted to both rip him to shreds and rip his clothes to shreds. But more than anything, you wanted him to do the same. To absolutely destroy you in every sense of the word. In all honesty you had thought he was thinking the same thing based on the way he had looked at you. The way he had been increasingly kind to you, considerate to you, open to you. The way his touches and gazes lingered.

But he didn’t.

Anger wells in your chest. You pull back from Bitsy. "And that's the fucking problem." You let out an exaggerated growl in frustration. "He could've done it, we were right there and the moment was perfect and I just. Ugh!"

You stand up and pace on the worn carpet. “He does these little things now. He asks me for my thoughts but like he actually wants to hear them, not because he’s trying to pick a fight. And he brings me tea in the mornings sometimes when he gets it himself. He’s invited me to hang with his friends and they’re so welcoming and funny. He- he told me about his childhood. And I told him about…” you trail off. She knows what you refer to regardless. “We have these moments where I look up and he’s already looking at me, but it’s so soft. He even paid for the trip with his own money because he wanted me to go.”

Bitsy just listens to your rant. You pause before slumping on the edge of the mattress. “Maybe… maybe I was wrong? Oh my god what if he thinks I’m some freak now trying to come on to their professor? Fuck - it’s no wonder he wanted me to leave! Shit.” You drop your head into your hands.

Your roommate rubs your back. “Look, I’m sure everything will blow over in the next couple days. He might’ve just been afraid to take that step, or maybe you did just misread the situation. He can either grow a pair or he can get over himself. And if he doesn’t have feelings then so what, fuck him, you can do better than a guy that made you miserable for months.”

A couple of deep breaths calms you down. She’s right. Everything was so sudden today that maybe it just caught him off guard. You know you were beyond unprepared for that to happen. And logically, if he doesn’t feel the same pull then you would be fine. You are his aide and technically a student at the university anyway, it’s likely an off-limits territory for him. Both of you are adults and can be professionals. You didn’t need to plague yourself with it.

“Thank you, Bits. I really don’t know what I’d do without you.” With another hug she left you to your devices for the night.

The following morning you woke up as usual to get ready to head to his office. Checking your phone you saw that you had a text from the man in question:

Laszlo: I will not be in need of an assistant for the remaining duration of the term. Thank you for your help, it has been invaluable. Best wishes with your studies.

x Dr. Kreizler

You could almost feel your heart fall into your stomach. “Shit, I fucked up….”

Tag list

@hardlyinteresting @lorna-d-m @livvyshmiv @somethingthatsaysbubbles @greeneyedblondie44 @unbeatablecurlgirl @apparrio @marchingicenotes7 @anteroom-of-death @bruhidaniel @lemairepstuff @thehuiabird @zemosimp05 @alindeluce @iamnotthecatladynextdoor @laura-naruto-fan1998 @trelaney @boneheadduluc @i-am-dead-inside-666 @fictionlandslanddreams @thatoneartgalsstuff

[justfangirlthingies]

Friend of a Friend (Dr. Laszlo Kreizler)

This is my first ever request! Thank you very much for sending this in @laurentrvn I hope you like it🥰

Request: would you do Laszlo x fem!reader

Reader was working on Howard Detective Agency. John Moore would like to invite you for dinner, want to expect to see his friends too. later reader was getting ready for dinner, John would like Reader to meet Doctor Kreizler, they get to know each other. they quite bit closed to each other. (fluff)

I usually try (I don't always succeed, but I always try my best) to keep the reader as neutral as possible so that really everyone can read my fics and feel included, but this time there will be mentions of reader's gender and reader wearing a dress.

I also tried to do this as best as I possibly could, I just didn't really know how to make fluff happen after the first meeting, so I added a few things 😅😊

Writing my requests takes me a while since I'm not exactly a very fast writer, I hope you understand :)

Warnings: none, if there is anything you think deserves a warning please lmk so I can add it here

Word count: 3094 words

The day started off pretty normal for you. There was some paperwork for you to do, a few reports to fill out and Miss Howard had asked you to go fetch a piece of evidence or rather a drawing from one of her friends. From John Moore to be exact. You had met him now and then and even exchanged a few words with him, seeing as he often assisted Sara in her cases, his reports in the papers have brought in new clients to the company on more than one occasion. It was a win win for both sides. People read his stories about the cases he assisted on because they were exciting and in exchange the Howard Detective Agency gained popularity and another pair of helpful hands for their cases.

It was early afternoon when you made your way to the meetup point, said meetup point being a simple, small, wooden bench in a park. You looked around, but John was not in sight just yet. You were probably just early, that must be it. With your thoughts drifting around your head and focusing on the current case you sat down on the bench to wait for the man. It was mere minutes later that you saw a flash of brown from the corner of your eyes, so you turned your head in the direction. It was John. He sat down next to you as you flashed him a smile "Good day, Mr. Moore." He smiled back at you "Good day to you too, but you can just call me John." "Well, I suppose you may just call me (Y/n) then." John gave you a small nod before his eyes switched back to the notebook in his hands, holding it between the two of you he opened it up. You stared in amazement at the drawings as the gentleman next to you skimmed through the pages until he finally reached the illustrations he was searching for. When he found them he was quick to tear them out and hand them to you "You're very talented." you muttered under your breath as you examined the pictures, but it still reached the man's ears "thank you, though I have to say, I prefer drawing other things..." he paused for a moment "scenes that are less brutal and capture the beauty of the world and its people." The answer you received made a small grin grace your lips "It's good to see that there are still optimistic people like you out in this world. Maybe next time we meet you could show me some more of your work." You nodded your head slightly in thanks for the pictures and as a way to bid him goodbye, as you rose from your seat on the bench "Good day, Mr. Mo- John." you quickly corrected yourself before turning around to make your way back to the office. However, John's voice caused you to stop and turn on your heels "(Y/n)! I could show you more of the drawings. How about dinner this Friday at Delmonico's?"

The question had caught you completely off guard, you had not expected to be met with...well, what even was this proposal of his? A flirt attempt maybe? Heat crept up your neck and wandered further to your cheeks "I- umm...all due respect Mr.- John, I don't think that is such a good idea. I'm afraid you aren't quite-" Your rambling was promptly cut off by John "Oh dear god. That is not what I meant" he chuckled, was he trying to talk himself out of a rejection with humor or was it really a misunderstanding? "Oh my, if it was a misunderstanding it would be so embarrassing." you thought "What I actually meant, was to invite you to join and meet a few of Sara and I's mutual friends. Besides I'll be a married man and a father to be soon" The tension in the air dissolved slightly, leaving you with a feeling of embarrassment and a slight stutter in your speech "Oh- I-I'm sorry. I completely misunderstood the meaning of what you proposed." "It's alright, now do you have time on Friday, my friend?" he chuckled, slightly easing your embarrassment a little. In response you just nodded your head again and gave him a smile "I'd like that, thank you. Goodbye again, John" You heard Mr. Moore wishing you a good day in return as you began walking away, trying to clear your head from the awkward encounter and clasping the sheets of paper in your hand, you made your way back to the agency.

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The days leading up to Friday passed more quickly than you would have liked, but there was nothing you could do about it really.

Soon, you found yourself in front of your mirror as you touched up your hair a bit. Just when you were done getting ready you heard a knock on your front door, it was probably John, seeing as it was already getting close to 7 pm. You had received a letter from him the day after he invited you to dinner, informing you that he would pick you up at your home at 7 pm to accompany you on the way to the restaurant you were going to.

Finding your reflection once more, you brushed your hands over the elegant fabric of the dress you were clad in, in order to straighten it out a bit before examining yourself again. With a nervous exhale you cast your gaze away from the mirror and towards the door, your feet quickly following your eyes as your hand reached for the keys in the lock. With a quiet clinking noise, that could be heard on the other side of it, you unlocked the door and took a deep breath, hoping the awkwardness from your last meeting had subsided by now. As you opened it you were met with the face of John Moore, flashing him a polite smile as you exchanged greetings. "I hope it won't come as a problem to you if you meet one of my good friends even before we reach the restaurant" You raised a questioning eyebrow at the man before you "He has offered to take us to the restaurant in his carriage instead of having us walk by foot or paying for one" John explained. His explanation made your eyes widen in surprise. His carriage?! That person you were going to meet had his own carriage?! You gave a nod to John, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious about your dress. Was it elegant enough for this occasion? You hoped so. "That is very kind of your friend" you said as you stepped out of the comfort of your cozy home and onto the streets of New York. You made sure you carried everything you would need with you before you locked the door to the house. "I need to warn you though, Laszlo can often times be a little..." John paused, thinking about how to describe the alienist as you turned around to look at him "...eccentric" Once again, you cocked your eyebrow and just as you were about to speak up again, you found your eyes wandering to a carriage that promptly came to a halt right in front of you. In anticipation of meeting John's friend, you watched as the door to the carriage opened and mere seconds later a cane emerged, followed by the well dressed man it belonged to. He smiled as he approached the two of you so he could greet you both, but ended up getting pulled into a hug by John in the process. When he finally got to you he shook your hand, you couldn't help but notice how gentle and light his grip was compared to those of other men, you made eye contact with the stranger as he introduced himself "I'm doctor Kreizler, but seeing as you're a friend of John you may call me Laszlo" His hazel eyes were captivating and his voice smooth, you noticed a bit of an accent "And you are, miss?" Laszlo asked, pulling you back from your trance an amused smirk on his lips. Oh god. Had you been staring? "(L/n). (Y/n) (L/n)" you rushed out. "It's nice to meet you Miss (L/n)." You smiled softly at him "Likewise...oh and (Y/n) is fine, no need for the formalities." The doctor returned your smile and for a moment you just looked at one another, none of you able to break the eye contact, it was as if you were enchanted, enthralled by those dark eyes of his and for Laszlo the feeling was mutual.

Well, until John broke the trance that is "Well then, shall we get on with our trip to dinner?" Your face grew warm as you finally snapped out of it and realized what you had been doing. A sheepish smile still graced your lips when you entered the carriage and it stayed until you arrived at the restaurant. You watched Laszlo and John make conversation in the carriage, they truly seemed to be good friends. "Laszlo, how was Europe? You only came back home a couple of days ago, right?" Now, that conversation topic peaked your interest, your eyes switched between the two men as you listened intently. "Yes, I only returned the day before yesterday. Vienna was beautiful, I could tell you many things about Freud, the people I met and the new studies I came across, but I doubt you are interested in all the information about psychology, John." John chuckled "Right you are" before he could say anything else the carriage came to a stop and the three of you got out in front of the restaurant.

It turned out that you were actually the first to arrive, the rest pooling in a couple of minutes later. The dinner was fun and interesting, you learned new things about everyone who was there and to your surprise, there came a point where you were flooded with compliments for the exceptional detective work you did. Needless to say, these compliments had you flustered. Laszlo seemed to notice your slight discomfort with all the attention on you, so he started talking in order to relieve you from that embarrassing feeling. You flashed him a grateful smile and mouthed "thanks", to which he just smiled and gave you a nod in reply.

The rest of the dinner went smooth and you learned many new things about the doctor and of course about his most recent research and travels. One could say you got along with one another quite well, he was a bit different from other men, more straightforward and very curious about everything, but you wouldn't say one needs a warning before meeting him, like the one John gave you. The evening went by rather quickly and before you knew it you were back in the carriage, sitting opposite of Dr. Kreizler. John however, wasn't there with you now, it seemed he had a bit of a misunderstanding with the alienist and favoured walking home on foot. He was an adult who could make his own decisions and if he preferred walking home then so be it.

The ride in the carriage was nice, you never ran out of conversation topics and at some point you came to the realizisation that you quite enjoyed Laszlo's company.

In the days pursuing the dinner, you often caught yourself thinking about him, wondering if and when you'd meet the doctor again, and every time you did, a smile made it's way onto your lips.

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The following weeks seemed quite boring, until a new case rolled in that is. You had looked over the paperwork and the crime scenes of the case and did your best to put yourself into the criminal's shoes. In order to find them you needed to find a motive as to why someone would commit such horrid deeds. After days on end of trying to solve this mystery you finally found something. A break in the case maybe. As soon as you realized what you had just discovered, you jumped up from your chair and practically sprinted to Sara's office, in your excitement it seemed that you completely forgot all your manners. You knocked on the door, but before you even got a reply from the other side, you had opened it "Sara! I just found something! We got a break in the-" and that was when you saw him again. Laszlo Kreizler.

Sara's and his eyes were both trained on you, causing your excitement about the progress in the case to subside as you flashed them a sheepish smile "Apologies. I-I should have waited I'm terribly sorry." Laszlo smiled at you "Good day to you too (Y/n)" His greeting caused heat to rise to your cheeks. You even forgot to greet him.

After a few moments of silence the doctor spoke up once more "Please do continue, Miss Howard was just filling me in on the case anyways and it seems like you just made progress in solving it. I would like to know everything you found out as of right now"

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The case had brought the two of you closer together. A lot closer actually.

You found yourself in front of your mirror once again, this time wearing the prettiest dress in your posession. You smiled at your reflection when you heard a knock at the door, only this time it wasn't your friend John who had knocked to bring you to dinner with friends. No. This time it was Laszlo Kreizler who stood on the other side of the door and instead of just dinner he would take you to the opera and to dinner later, then he'd bring you back home, well at least that was the plan.

When you opened the door to your home you were met with the man you had been thinking about nonstop. You smiled at him as your (e/c) eyes met his hazel ones and once again the man had you starstruck. The eye contact was intense and it reminded you of the time you first met him. "Good evening (Y/n)." hearing your name fall from his lips made you feel all giddy and happy "Good evening to you too Laszlo."

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You struggled to focus on what you were supposed to be doing the whole evening.

You did enjoy visiting the opera, but with Laszlo being there it felt like the spotlight was shining solely on him. Instead of watching what was happening you put your focus on him, watching his eyes light up and the excitement clearly visible on his face was much more interesting than the opera, well at least in your opinion. Whenever Laszlo would glance at you he had this smirk adorning his lips, he probably knew you were staring, seeing as you most likely weren't as subtle about it as you wanted to be. You smiled softly at him before shifting your focus back to the opera, in these moments you felt his eyes on you too.

During dinner you spent more time looking at him than at the menu, so when the waiter asked for your orders you just went with what he had chosen. That earned you an amused smirk and a raised eyebrow. Oh he was definitely aware of how smitten you were with him, he had to be. The whole evening you felt nervous and full of joy. What you didn't know was that Laszlo was just as nervous as you were, the difference was that he just knew how to hide it better than you did.

Only when dessert arrived did you notice him getting more nervous, a slight blush was visible on his cheeks. It certainly was a sight to see the normally so composed doctor become flustered, an adorable sight that only had you falling harder for the man. As soon as he spoke up though, it was your turn to get flustered. "(Y/n). We have known each other for quite a while now and..." he stumbled upon his words a bit and that just had the anticipation you felt, about what he was going to say, growing with every second "I sincerely apologize if I misinterpreted anything, but I noticed that... well, I know that I have taken a strong liking towards you and from what I picked up on, this liking seems to be mutual" his confession caused you to choke on your food and you tried to hold back a coughing fit, instead of giving in to the cough you took a sip of your drink as to soothe your throat and tried to calm your breathing. You also tried to calm your now very rapid heartbeat, but failed miserable at that. Laszlo's eyes widened slightly and a hint of sadness and regret seeped into his features "I'm terribly sorry, it seems I misinterpreted your feelings. It would have been a miracle if someone like you had reciprocated my feelings like that" He was about to stand up and grab his walking stick, but you immediately shook your head and gripped the cane first, in order to keep him from leaving "Laszlo, you didn't misinterpret anything" you felt the heat travelling through your body as your nerves and hartbeat were as strong as ever. The alienist was shocked to hear your response. He looked at you expectantly, waiting patiently for you to continue as he felt his own heart beating in his throat. You swallowed taking all your courage together to speak up again. "I was simply surprised to-to hear you say these things, I'm not surprised you picked up on my feelings for you" you chuckled awkwardly "I just didn't expect you to feel the same way and to adress it like that." Laszlo let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and brought the hand that had been reaching out for the cane back to the table. You copied that last movement also letting go of his cane. However, as soon as your hand was back at the table he reached his good hand out to hold yours, a grin on his lips "May I propose a courtship then?" Your eyes went wide as you beamed back at him "Yes!- I mean...yes, I'd like that very much" Your answer earned you a chuckle from the good doctor.

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"I'll have to thank John for introducing us"

Taglist: @natashas-favourite-knives (you asked to be added to this even though you don't even like or know him, I'm just reminding you it's not my fault that you're tagged here), @stanknotstark @ateez-star @littlemissnoname13 @gwlvr @handmaiden-of-mischief

[leebird-simmer]

Russian Fairy Tales Review: Freudian Psychoanalytical Criticism

Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)

- Austrian neurologist who founded talk-therapy method called “psychoanalysis”

- Carl Jung’s mentor

Published:          -  Interpretation of Dreams (1899)          - Psychopathology of Everyday Life (1904)          - Jokes and Their Relation to the Unconscious (1905)          - Civilization and Its Discontents (1930)

Major ideas:

- Most mental processes are unconscious. Thus, we are largely unaware of our own motivations/drives. (still considered valid)

- All human behavior (including infant behavior) is motivated by sexuality and the libido. (not considered valid anymore)

- Many of our desires and memories are repressed by the force of our culture’s taboo on sexual matters. (considered semi-valid, probably not as important as Freud thought)

Why do we continue to study Freud’s ideas if we believe some of them are wrong?

- He was very influential in psychology, so not discussing his ideas would leave a huge gap in that history.

- He’s an object of fascination for humanist scholars.

- He was a skilled literary and art critic.

- He was a major influence on the 20th century public’s self-conception and his ideas still permeate in pop culture.

Freud’s Model of the Mind

Bruno Bettelheim (1903-1990)

- Born in Vienna to a secular Jewish family; (allegedly) earned an art history PhD at Vienna University.

- Survived death camps of the Holocaust (1938). The Rockefeller Foundation sponsored a wartime project to help resettle European scholars by circulating their resumés to American universities, and this led to Bettelheim getting a job at University of Chicago as a research assistant.

- Published “Individual and Mass Behavior in Extreme Situations” (1943) about his experiences in the death camps. This paper was highly regarded, but based on unlikely claims and shaky academic credentials. Regardless, he was appointed professor of psychology at the University of Chicago and director of a school for emotionally disturbed children. He held both positions from 1944 until his retirement in 1973.

- Published The Uses of Enchantment (1976), an application of Freudian thought to the interpretation (and use) of fairy tales. Bettelheim suggested that traditional fairy tales, with all their darkness, allowed children to grapple with their fears in symbolic terms.

More and more controversies have come to light since Bettelheim’s death. Not only are there credible accusations of plagiarism against him, and the aforementioned concerns about his academic credentials, but he also abused his emotionally troubled students. Even if Bettelheim’s use of corporal punishment *was* in keeping with the standards of his time, as some claimed, it is still wrong, and a man who wrote so respectfully of children’s needs for autonomy and dignity knew better.

In addition to the damage he did personally, his advocacy for the idea that autism has origins in early childhood events or trauma (as opposed to being a genetically inherited neurotype) has done enormous damage. Bettelheim believed that autism did not have an organic basis, but resulted when mothers withheld appropriate affection from their children, and/or when the fathers were absent or weak. While he did not coin the term “refrigerator mother” (that dishonor belongs to Leo Kanner), Bettelheim did a lot to popularize the term. His school was intended as a residential treatment environment for children whom he felt would benefit from a “parentectomy.”

“I have nothing personal against Bettelheim, if it is not personal to resent being compared to a devouring witch, an infanticidal king, and an SS guard in a concentration camp, or to wonder what could be the basis of Bettelheim's statement that 'the precipitating factor in infantile autism is the parent's wish that his child should not exist.” - Molly Finn, who loves her autistic daughter and is not about the bullshit [source: https://www.firstthings.com/article/1997/06/006-in-the-case-of-bruno-bettelheim]

Finally, Bettelheim *deep sigh* blamed Anne Frank and her family for their own deaths due to not owning guns, fleeing, or hiding more effectively. I’m not making this up; here’s the direct quote: “Everybody who recognized the obvious knew that the hardest way to go underground was to do it as a family; that to hide as a family made detection by the SS most likely. The Franks, with their excellent connections among gentile Dutch families should have had an easy time hiding out singly, each with a different family. But instead of planning for this, the main principle of their planning was to continue as much as possible with the kind of family life they were accustomed to.”

You might ask, “Lee, why are we still studying THIS guy?” Well, he managed to fool everyone during his lifetime for a reason: he was a talented writer, a charismatic speaker, and he had seen some shit. That gave weight to his ideas about the human psyche.

What do fairy tales DO for us? Why are folk fairy tales so valuable in the upbringing of children?

          - The folk fairy tale helps the child to develop their psyche.

          - The tales aren’t explicitly didactic; they work on an unconscious level.

          - Different kinds of tales address different developmental issues.

A child can absorb different lessons from a tale depending on their developmental stage.

Fairy tales represent normal, healthy development AND make that process appealing for the child. Parents and cultural heritage are the main methods through which children find meaning and maturity.

Finding meaning in life is our biggest struggle. It’s considered the mark of full psychological maturity, and it’s the goal of logotherapy (developed by fellow Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, who was a lovely man with no “controversy” section in his Wikipedia article).

Fairy tales take our “existential anxieties” very seriously, unlike most modern children’s literature (a dubious claim; Go Ask Alice had been published five years earlier).

Problems with this Approach:

- It’s based on Freudian thought, which many psychiatrists have discredited (although literature and theory circles still find Freud relevant).

- It assumes that fairy tales are primarily intended for an audience of children, which is anti-historical.

- It’s ignorant of the children’s literature canon.

- It neglects to consider that parents are not reading these tales to their children in their original forms. What kind of hipster brings out the leather-bound Perrault when they’re asked for a bedtime story?

Bettelheim on “Youngest Child” Tales:

- The youngest child is third, a number with which the child reader identifies (Mommy, Daddy, me; Parents, siblings, me)

- The child sees themselves as incompetent (particularly during the anal stage) and fears that they will never mature.

- These tales teach children that independence and maturity will come through proper behavior.

[darling-i-read-it]

I keep imagining Will being married to a therapist when the series starts and just not seeing Will as this case study. Like Jack comes to you first like ‘hey so your husband…’ I feel like it would be a therapist/psychologist face off with Hannibal about wills treatment.

I just have many feelings about Will graham. So very many feelings. Most soft and fluffy others spicy and warm and some pure heart wrenching angst.

Todays are fluffy soft boys like I imagine all of wills dogs feel. I want to pet them all and I’m sad I can’t. Also want to know all the other puppers names. Like we got two of the original pups names the whole series, Winston and buster, and honestly I am upset they didn’t give us a scene of Will introducing Hannibal or who ever to the pups. Just

“Uhhh this is Dali, Edison, Sherlock, jung, and Freud. I was in a weird place naming them”

I also wish we got the other dogs names!!! Honestly I feel like he so often got dogs that they couldn’t really fit it into the plot to explain lol. There could be a whole side episode about every event where he picked up the dogs.

I also constantly have thoughts about Will Graham, he’s a big guy on this blog lol I adore him so much and the ideas surround him and Hannibal cause they’re so compelling.

[dahlia-coccinea]

You have said that you thought that “some critics overstate the concept of childhood in the story” and that Catherine and Heathcliff are not eternal children. What do you think about the concept of “childhood” in Wuthering Heights? In many ways this is a novel that is so preoccupied with childhood and attachments made in childhood, despite the main characters not being children for most of the book. Is there a distinction to be made between the actual depiction of the childhood of the main characters and the nostalgic conception of their childhood they later have?

I have read a review of the book that said that 5-year-old Hareton’s interaction with Nelly in Chapter 11 is unrealistic and reveals that Emily Bronte didn’t really know children unlike Anne Bronte who worked as a governess. I personally think that she was talented in depicting childhood rivalries, friendships and woes, Chapter 7 of Wuthering Heights is the proof of that.

This is a pretty big topic so I think I’m just going to ramble and explore the topic and see where it leads so I apologize in advance if this is unreadable hah. 

For reference, this stems from this conversation, in which I mentioned how Catherine and her daughter both proudly view themselves as mature women and you mentioned how easy it is to forget that Catherine does try to take on difficult, grownup, responsibilities in planning how removing Heathcliff and herself from Hindley's dysfunctional household. 

As I said I do think the concept of childhood has a big impact on the story and it is easy to remember moments such as Catherine’s utterance of how she wishes she was a girl again, and her appearance as a child ghost feels not without significant meaning. Many critics have fixated on this and have led them to make a few assumptions. There have been connections made with Freudian child psychology, pathology, and narcissism, or sometimes is developed into theories around Heathcliff and Catherine’s relationship and them having a twin soul in part because of their childhood bond and likeness. Still, I think these narratives give too much weight to the symbolism of childhood in the novel by not mentioning the moments that Catherine and Heathcliff display a grown-up understanding of things, or have wishes and desires that aren’t infantile or nostalgic. 

Catherine is typically the character associated with childhood and childishness. Catherine’s anxiety about her choice between Edgar and Heathcliff is partially associated with her distress at life beyond her childhood and while that could be pathological as some critics state, including Marielle Seichepine in her essay Childhood and Innocence in Wuthering Heights. She argued this shows her narcissism and demonstrates Freud’s ideas on the "perversity of the infant.” I’ve written a long post about why I disagree with her here, so to save time I won’t repeat all of that. 

Another reason why I think Catherine is sometimes viewed this way is because she dies at 19, which many people today consider to practically be a child. For all of Heathcliff’s longing to return to happier memories during his youth, or returning to their old shared bed, or being spurred to commit revenge against Hindley for disrupting his childhood and trajectory in life, he is still an adult during much of the novel so it seems he is saved from some of this speculation and psychoanalysis. Which may or may not be right. I think a problem with a lot of these theories is that they seem to forget that Emily never knew of Freud, as he was born some 8 years after her death. While an interesting lens to read the book through and I’m glad there are essays on it, I think Catherine’s situation says much more about spiritually, society, and the human experience and is not an overt psychoanalytical case study (I feel like it sounds like I hate Freud, I really don’t lol I just think he’s over/incorrectly used a lot). 

Also, like many other proposed narratives, the theories that conclude they both wish to return to their childhood often assume Heathcliff doesn't care about the world or education, that they just want to be dirty children running around the moors forever, etc. All while ignoring that by their teens they both aren't ignorant of how the world works, or injustice of it, and also how they both view the other as the person they would like to marry and to escape from the home that is no longer welcoming to them. J. Hillis Miller, and a few other critics I can’t remember, fall into this trap. Miller’s take was something about their boundaries being blurred by their shared spaces, and childhood, and that all their later struggles are to claim that shared space again. While he believes they are strongly platonic, others make similar suggestions, like their mystical union is reminiscent of a "primordial androgynous being.” I’ve mentioned part of this argument before, but I didn’t mention how it is common that these arguments overstate the importance of childhood and Catherine’s and Heathcliff’s supposed fixation on it. (This is all a lot of ground to cover so sorry if this is hard to follow.)

Now there are few reasons I think childhood is important in the book, and I think can be representative of a number of things. One of the reasons WH is so interesting is because so many metaphors and symbols can be explored in multiple ways. Understood in a very simplistic and broad way it does nicely lend to the imagery of wildness, freedom, and being in a natural rather than materialistic state. It also speaks more plainly of the angst most people feel when surrendering childhood freedoms to adult responsibility and of being introduced into a world that is unfair and tragic. I’ve also thought their moving from childhood to adulthood with their coinciding loss and separation, feels similar to awakening to a vast existential dread that causes the loss of meaning and proceeds to force the characters into chaos. 

I think it is also important to the plot that Catherine and Heathcliff's relationship begins early on - it makes more sense that they are unable to view their past, present, or future, without the other since they’re in each other’s earliest memories. It also helps prevent a more cliche "love at first sight" plot and leaves less room to believe it is based on anything superficial.

Something that I find interesting is it seems to be somewhat contested as to how to reconcile the fact their childhood isn’t particularly happy yet they seem to desire to return to it. I don’t remember reading anyone who tries to really tackle this. Catherine and Heathcliff have only a brief time after Hindley leaves and Mr. Earnshaw is still alive that their lives are relatively peaceful. But I don’t think anyone could consider even that part of their childhood as ideal, nor do they specifically mention that time, apart from in Catherine’s diary when she says her father was back because Hindley is a terrible substitute. 

I certainly don’t see the story as an ode to childhood as I've seen some critics suggest. Partially because Cathy and Hareton are able to grow up and live the life that Catherine and Heathcliff would have wanted, and also because of how telling it is that Catherine is trapped as a child ghost until she’s reunited with Heathcliff. If the book was an ode to childhood the shepherd boy should have seen two children on the moors and not Heathcliff and "a woman."

You mention how some have accused Emily of not understanding children - I think that’s kind of a funny claim. I think her writing, despite the poeticism, is concerned with humanity and in that way is relatable and the emotions very intelligible - still the characters' actions and language could never be mistaken as striving for hyper-realism. Also, she grew up with siblings and knew family friends, and servants who had children so I don’t think the way little Hareton or whoever, is written has to do with her not understanding children. I don’t think any of the sisters were maternal, so perhaps that changes their writing or what others would expect from them. 

[kalypsichor]

five’s a crowd [ beatles x reader ] part seven

summary: You’re not jealous of the fact that girls on Tinder love George, you’re not. John may or may not be sexually attracted to metaphors. Paul may or may not have a professor kink. Ringo is just vibin’ like always. Gigi Hadid terrorizes your dreams. Oh, and y’all finally get the McLennon sandwhich you asked for.

warnings: 2k words of the usual bullshit, some english major bashing, actually it’s just john bashing ( sorry @spaceyantique​ ), i love english majors, and miscommunication babey!

masterlist and parts one | two | three | four | five | six

i’m writing this draft at 3 am. it’s a new low for me. oh, and the poem mentioned in geo’s tinder is lyrics from ‘for you blue’

“Well, it is a flattering picture.”

You have to agree with Ringo. The two of you are perched on the couch, peeking over George’s shoulder at the Tinder profile. John and Paul are sharing the armchair, snickering at something. Probably another scheme. Bastards…

The photo is the one John had snapped a few days ago of George in the kitchen. He’s got this brilliant smile on his face, just having taken his first warm shower in weeks, and he’s gloriously naked from the belly button up. It’s a little blurry, but it captures George’s happiness—though you privately think that no picture could ever really do the boy justice. Take that, stupid Tinder girls.

“‘George.’” Ringo reads the bio out loud. “‘Twenty-one. Majoring in horticultural science, looking for a girl to put the ‘ho’ into it.’ This is terrible,” he says rather gleefully. George turns around and gives his friend a betrayed look.

“You missed the best bit. ‘I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. You looked at me, that’s all you had to do.’ What’s that?”

George goes stock still. Slowly, his head turns to John and you swear you can hear it creak like a door hinge.

“You.” The word shakes from his throat with a quiet rage. “You looked through mY DIARY???”

“YOU HAVE A DIARY?” Ringo screeches. Paul has the common sense to look a little frightened, but his boyfriend, who borrows a brain cell from Paul from time to time, does not.

“You write beautiful poetry, George,” John croons, and you have to physically hold George down to keep him from tackling the dumbass. Paul, getting flashbacks to the Shower Debacle, shudders.

You, on the other hand, are trying to wrap your head around the bio. Poetry? About who? That didn’t sound like it was about just anybody. Lucky girl, your mind hisses. Or boy. You immediately try recalling every single time George has brought up a classmate. Your brain sputters a bit and spits out an answer to one of the questions you’d skipped on your first midterm yesterday. Except now it’s fucking useless, isn’t it????

Ringo speaks, bringing you out of your downward spiral into insanity. “Hey, the app says you’ve got a match.”

Frowning, George taps on the notification. “But I haven’t even looked at anyone’s profile.”

“I did you a favor and swiped right a couple o’ times,” John says. George groans—no, the sound does not turn you on a little—and hangs his head forward. By ‘a couple,’ John must’ve meant a couple hundred, because George’s phone is blowing up. The only thing keeping George from hurtling the phone right into John’s smarmy little meerkat grin so hard that he shits pieces of it out for weeks is your hand on him. The warmth of it is radiating out from his shoulder to his chest and sweeping down to his toes. When you take your hand away a few seconds later, thinking it had overstayed its welcome, George has to try very hard not to sigh.

“This one is cute,” Ringo comments. The notification had read ‘Maureen Super Likes You!’ and the phone screen is now showing a pretty brunette, around your age, smiling up at George.

“Yeah, well, I’m not interested.”

He didn’t say she wasn’t cute.

“Wait, wait!” John scrambles out of his armchair, nearly pushing Paul off in the process. George’s thumb pauses where it’s hovering over the ‘delete’ button for the app. “Come on, Geo. You haven’t gone out in years. Like, since high school. Since… since…”

“Pattie,” Ringo says. You and Ringo hadn’t known the other three in high school, but, as always, he was good with names.

Pattie? George has never mentioned a Pattie...

“Yeah, Pattie!” John lights up. You wish people would stop saying her name. “Pattie Boyd. Man, she was a catch… I still remember her blonde hair. And those long legs. She looked like, uh… who’s that model?”

“Bridget Bardot.” Ringo, again.

Paul is mirroring the sour look on your face, though he obviously has a better reason for it.

“No, who the fuck is that? I meant Gigi Hadid. Isn’t that why you dated her?”

“She did not/” George protests. “And no, John, unlike some people, I care about more than just looks.”

At this point, Paul looks as though he’s about to cry. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m more than looks, aren’t I?”

“I didn’t mean you, obviously.” But George’s words are lost under John, who leaps back into the armchair and coos at his boyfriend.

“Macca, you know I love you for more than your looks. You’ve got that big old brain, and you’re the best artist in this whole school… it’s just a bonus you’re so pretty too.”

Paul seems satisfied by this. Stupid fucking English major. John could get anything his way with just a few words.

“John’s right, y’know.” You and Ringo mouth ‘y’know’ at each other and erupt into giggles. “You’ve got to put yourself out there more. You’re in your third year of uni and you haven’t even dated a single person. There’s only one more year before you’re out in the real world! And the sea will be much, much bigger then.”

George scowls, unimpressed by Paul’s little speech. “People aren’t fish, Paul. And I’m vegetarian, so I don’t condone catching them.”

“It’s a metaphor!” Paul cries, throwing his hands in the air. John nods and makes eyes at him as if metaphors were the sexiest thing in the world. He’s probably into that. English majors.

“You tell ‘em, babe.”

The doorbell rings, banishing any homicidal thoughts from your mind.

“That’ll be the takeout,” you say. George flies so quickly to the door, desperate to get out of the situation, that you feel a little gust of wind. You hear him say something to the delivery person and then he’s coming back into the living room, take out boxes in tow and a big smile on his face. Nothing makes the boy happier than food. And maybe leggy blondes that look like Gigi Hadid, your brain suggests, and you sigh.

For a good ten minutes, the conversation is put on hold. You’re all broke college students, after all, and getting Chinese is like a luxury.

“What’d you get?” you ask through a mouthful of food, looking over George’s shoulder. He’s sat back down on the floor in front of the couch again and he lifts the box up so you can see it.

“Veggies with fried noodles. You?”

“Same.”

“Twinsies,” George says solemnly, and you high five over it.

Unbeknownst to the two of you, John and Paul share an eyeroll.

“I got shrimp fried rice if anyone cares,” Ringo pipes up from next to you. You bump your shoulder into his.

“Of course I care, Ritchie. Wanna trade a shrimp for my broccoli?”

He nods and you both chopstick over the terms of the trade. George’s grin drops a little. John and Paul roll their eyes even harder.

After a while, having devoured their food like it’s the Last Supper, you’ e all pulled out your phones. You scroll through Instagram and send a funny post to the flat’s group chat, and everyone laughs simultaneously. Everyone except George, who… has opened Tinder again. Christ, how does he have so many matches?

Well, why wouldn’t he? He’s cute… and funny… and gives the best advice when you’re down…

And you’ll be sharing all that with some other girl if you don’t do something about it.

“Why do these girls keep asking about my teeth?”

You scoff, trying to ignore the pit in your stomach. George’s sexy vampire teeth are yours and yours alone to appreciate, thankyouverymuch. “Probably have oral fixations, the lot of them.”

John does a whole body shudder and you all turn to stare at him. “Don’t fucking talk to me about Freud. That Psych course tore my GPA into shreds.”

“Right, like you care about your grades so much.” You lean back against the couch. “What was so bad about that class, anyway? I enjoyed it.”

“Professor Pang fucked me.”

“WHAT—”

“Fucked me over! Jesus, I dunno why my mouth just had a seizure there.” John cradles Paul’s face in his hands, trying to smooth away the frown on his face. “Paul, you know I didn’t mean it.”

“That’s a Freudian slip, that is,” you comment, sticking your tongue out when John turns to glare at you. Ringo starts humming Hot For Teacher under his breath. John leans over and smacks him.

“The only teacher I’ve got the hots for is you,” John says, turning back to Paul, and you and George make gagging noises. “Professor McCartney…”

“Professor?” Paul’s Pout (yes, with a capital P) turns into a grin. “I like the sound of that.”

“I think I’ve been bad… shall I serve detention for you?”

“Okay, just go!” You point towards their bedroom. “Please leave the immediate vicinity right fucking now.”

“I’m gonna hurl,” George says. The two horny bastards giggle and scurry off in the direction of your finger, door slamming behind them.

You go to bed that night with a belly full of noodles and a brain full of thoughts that keep you turning and tossing in bed. And when you finally do fall asleep, you dream about Gigi Hadid, cackling as she chases you around with George’s stupid little towel.

***

Your second exam the next day goes miserably.

Okay, maybe you’re being dramatic. It wasn’t that bad—you’d done a fair bit of studying that weekend, invigorated to overcome the Coffee Incident. Still, you couldn’t stop thinking about George the whole time, and him swiping through Tinder, and whoever the hell that Pattie girl is.

Okay, stop it. You can’t hate her for dating the boy you like. Us women have to support each other, the rational part of your brain tells you.

You grumble all the way back to the flat, fighting with the reasonable part of you. Eventually, you give in. Rational You is right. Hating on a chick you don’t know is what makes up eighty percent of Hollywood’s bullshit romcoms. Yes, you are going to be a good person and take the high route.

That all goes away when you open the door.

John and Paul are standing in the kitchen, whispering furiously to each other. You only catch the tail end of what they’re saying—

“-didn’t think he was actually going to do it!”

—before John sees you in the doorway and smacks Paul on the shoulder.

“Heyyy there,” John says. You immediately know something is wrong. You walk shut the door behind you and eye Paul’s smile warily.

“What are you two doing?”

“Erm, we were making a sandwich for you.” Paul gestures exaggeratedly at the plate on the counter, which John holds up at shoves in your direction.

“Yeah, we knew you’d need a little pick me up after the test.”

You look around the flat carefully. It’s awfully quiet. Ringo’s at his twelve o’clock lecture, but you should be able to hear…

“Where’s George?”

This slaps the smile right off of their faces and neither of the boys can put it back on quickly enough for you to not notice.

“He’s doing yoga,” Paul says at the same time John blurts out,

“He went to visit his mum!”

Paul glares at John and you feel something twist in your gut. “Yes, you see...” Paul looks frantically to the ceiling. God won’t help you out of this one. “George went to pick up his mum… and they’re at yoga together!”

You walk into the kitchen, crossing your arms. “Louise lives in Liverpool,” you say slowly.

“Yup,” John says.

“And the yoga studio is ten minutes away from our flat.”

“Yuuup.”

You can’t believe he’s still keeping this up. “And the drive from here to Liverpool is four hours. And George doesn’t have a car.”

“Yuuuuuuuuu—”

“Oh, I can’t take it anymore,” Paul cries, ignoring John’s frantic shushing. “George went on a date with that Maureen girl from Tinder. He’s at the coffee shop now.”

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

You must’ve said this out loud, because Paul gives you a sympathetic look. After a long moment of silence, John once again offers you the plate.

“Sandwich?” he asks, trying for a smile that comes across more as a grimace.

You take the sandwich and throw it right into the trash, plate and all.

[psychreviews2]

The Pleasure Principle – Sigmund Freud

Heuristics

By the time Freud was reaching 1910, certain patterns were emerging from his patients, and with competing contributions from his followers, especially Carl Jung, there was some pressure to provide a heuristic, or a method of investigation to solve these psychological problems. Freud's contribution found that "every neurosis has an effect...of forcing the patient out of real life, of alienating him from reality. The neurotic turns away from reality because he finds either the whole or parts of it unbearable. The most extreme type of this turning away from reality is exhibited in certain cases of hallucinatory psychosis where the patient attempts to deny the event that has triggered his insanity. Actually, though, every neurotic does the same thing with some fragment of reality. Thus we are presented with the task of studying the development of the relationship of neurotics - and mankind in general - to reality, and so of assimilating the psychological significance of the real outside world into the framework of our theories."

The Pleasure Principle

Depending on the translation, Freud's theory focuses on how "lust" or "unlust" manifests in our day to day thinking processes. "These processes strive to gain pleasure; our psychic activity draws back from any action that might arouse unpleasure (repression). Our dreams at night, our tendency when awake to recoil from painful impressions, these are vestiges of the rule of this principle and evidence of its power."

At the time Freud was worried about being accused of plagiarism, as Carl Jung was also developing two modes of thinking, associative, and directed thinking in his Symbols of Transformation. As usual, when you think something is new in psychology, philosophy had something to say about it much earlier.

"Let it be assumed by us that pleasure is a certain movement of the soul, a sudden and perceptible settling down into its natural state, and pain the opposite. If such is the nature of pleasure, it is evident that which produces the disposition we have just mentioned is pleasant, and that which destroys it or produces the contrary settling down is painful. Necessarily, therefore, it must be generally pleasant to enter into a normal state." ~ Rhetoric - Aristotle - Book I, Chapter 11. (350 BC).

As rational as this principle is, there is a problem with it: Humanity must face many situations that call for some pain first to gain a greater pleasure later. In the ancient world, if we wanted to achieve the most basic goal, to eat enough to survive, we had to hunt first, or cultivate plants, before we could gratify ourselves.

The Reality Principle

As our mind searches for pleasure, and thinks of ideas of pleasure, there comes inevitably a conflict with reality, and an attempt to assimilate it. Freud says that, "whatever was thought of (wished for) was simply hallucinated, as still happens every night with our dream thoughts. It was due only to the failure of the anticipated satisfaction, the disillusionment as it were, that this attempt at satisfaction by means of hallucination was abandoned. Instead, the psychic apparatus had to resolve to form an idea of the real circumstances in the outside world and to endeavour actually to change them. With this, a new principle of psychic activity was initiated; now ideas were formed no longer of what was pleasant, but of what was real, even if this happened to be unpleasant."

Consciousness, Attention, Memory, and Action

As a way to explain this behaviour Freud developed the topography of the mind further. "The increased significance of external reality heightened in turn the significance of the sense organs directed towards that outside world, and also of the consciousness attached to these, which now learnt how to discern sensory qualities in addition to the qualities of pleasure and unpleasure, previously its only concern. A specific function of attention was setup with the task of periodically scanning the outside world in order to assimilate its data in advance, should an urgent inner need arise. This activity seeks out sensory impressions rather than waiting for them to occur. Probably at the same time, a system of retention was set up with the task of storing the results of this periodic activity of consciousness, an element of what we call memory."

Freud then explains how this ability could be used to assess the world. "In place of repression, which excluded certain of the emerging ideas - those deemed unpleasurable - from being invested with energy, there arose a process of impartial judgement, whose task it was to decide if a particular idea was true or false - that is, corresponded with reality or not - a decision reached via comparisons made with memory traces of reality."

Once the judgement is made about the environment, Freud defines motivation by how the "motor discharge, which under the rule of the pleasure principle had served to relieve the psychic apparatus from increases in stimulation by means of innervations sent inside the body (physical gestures, expressions of emotion), was now given a new function, being deployed to make expedient alterations to external reality. It was transformed into action."

With these phenomenological descriptions of the mind, it's easy to see how hard it is to remove stress when pleasure and stress are used as a constant radar to assess the environment. Comparisons of what is good and bad are made in the perceptions of present moment experience, and also in comparisons with memory.

Fantasy

Yet from our experience, it's possible to escape reality, to enjoy arts and entertainment, and to also entertain ourselves with our thoughts. Freud says the "economic principle of conserving expenditure, seems to manifest itself in the tenacity with which we cling to existing sources of pleasure and the difficulty we have in giving these up. At the inception of the reality principle, one kind of thought activity split away, remaining exempt from reality-testing and continuing to obey only the pleasure principle. This is fantasizing, which begins with children's play then later, as daydreaming." All of us can remember examples from our own lives. Have you dreamed of winning a particular lottery but never bought the ticket? Have you thought about asking someone out, but you didn't? Have you seen a stock do well in the market and imagined that you could go into a time machine and buy the stock when it was 5% of its current price? These are all fantasies that provide an imagined gratification in place of the real thing. Like enjoying a good movie, the story wasn't real, but the emotions you felt were real.

The principles in childhood sexual development

The need to develop a Reality Principle shows up early on in an individual's life, with the need to develop sexually and to find a mate. "While the ego drives are undergoing this development, the sexual drives diverge in a highly significant way. The sexual drives initially behave auto-erotically, finding their satisfaction in the subject's own body and therefore never experiencing the state of frustration that necessitated the introduction of the reality principle. Later, when they do begin the process of finding an object, this is promptly interrupted by the long latency period that delay's sexual development until puberty. As a result of these two factors - auto-eroticism and latency - the sexual drive is arrested in its psychic development and continues to be ruled for much longer by the pleasure principle, in many people never managing to free itself from this at all." Freud's hint at the possibility of arrested development into adulthood. The way out for them is to take the wish and make it real. "As the ego undergoes the transformation from pleasure-ego into reality-ego, the sexual drives undergo the changes that lead from initial auto-eroticism, through various intermediate phases, to object-love in the service of the reproductive function."

A weak spot found

Unfortunately this educational period for children and adolescents is so long that it becomes a challenge to venture out of fantasy into the reality of taking risks. "The continuing effects of auto-eroticism make it possible for the easier, instantaneous satisfaction of fantasizing about the sexual object to be retained for so long in place of real satisfaction, which involves making efforts and tolerating delays. Repression remains all-powerful in the realm of fantasy; it is able to inhibit ideas...before they reach consciousness - if their being invested with energy could cause a release of unpleasure. This is a weak spot in our psychic organization that can be used to bring already rational thought processes back under the sway of the pleasure principle. Thus an essential element in the psyche's predisposition to neurosis results from the delay in educating the sexual drive to take account of reality, and from the conditions that make this delay possible."

Delay of gratification

Despite the need for the pleasure principle to be replaced by the reality principle, Freud cautions against the interpretation that it is a complete replacement. "Just as the pleasure-ego can do nothing but wish, pursue pleasure and avoid unpleasure, so the reality-ego has no other task than to strive for what is useful and to protect itself from what is harmful. By taking over from the pleasure principle, the reality principle is really just safeguarding it, not deposing it, a momentary pleasure with uncertain consequences is given up, but only in order to obtain, by the new approach, a more secure pleasure later on." An opening for development arises where the subject can now choose to be lost in wishes, or to take action with what is available instead. One can imagine a Freudian patient that now realizes that life is up to them and they must repeatedly act in new directions, take risks, and persist in altering their lives.

The principles in our institutions

Freud views much of our institutions as forms of delay of gratification. "The doctrine that the - voluntary or enforced - renunciation of earthly pleasures will be rewarded in the afterlife is simply a mythopoetic projection of this psychic transformation. Following this principle to its logical conclusion, religions have been able to bring about the absolute renunciation of pleasure in this life in return for the promise of recompense in a future existence; by so doing they have not conquered the pleasure principle. Science comes closest to achieving this conquest, but scientific work, too, provides intellectual pleasure and promises practical gain eventually."

A natural connection to this thinking process is how our learning institutions work. "Education can without question be described as an impetus to overcoming the pleasure principle and replacing it with the reality principle." This reminds me of the self-help book industry where people have a desire to improve themselves, but depending on the quality of the book, and the action or inaction of the reader, it may foster more daydreaming. The knowledge must be acted upon, and results gained in real life, to achieve psychological release.

Art

For Freud, artists and their contributions don't escape his principles. He described how the neurotic perception of the artist can be used as a way to face reality, by making artworks in the real world, especially if others resonate with the artist's messages. You can see this in the below link to my review of Csikszentmihalyi's, and Robinson's, The Art of Seeing: https://rumble.com/v1gvlhb-how-to-appreciate-art-psychology-of-things-22.html

Psychosis and Paranoia

Venturing into more complex territory, Freud uses his principles to describe deeper disconnections with reality.  He says, "...(the choice of neurosis) will depend on which phase of ego or libido development the predisposing arrest occurred in." Our emotions react not just to reality but also to our dreams, wishes, and ideas. This can cause enough conflict in the mind where the grip of reality slips away from the subject leading to pathology, such as false memories, or in more serious cases, psychosis, or paranoia.

"The strangest characteristic of unconscious (repressed) processes...results from their total disregard for reality-testing; thought-reality is equated with external reality, the wish with its fulfillment, just as occurs spontaneously under the rule of the old pleasure principle. For this reason it is extremely difficult to distinguish between unconscious fantasies and memories that have become unconscious. But we should never be tempted to [underestimate] the role played by fantasies in the creation of symptoms just because they are not real, or by attributing a neurotic feeling of guilt to some other source because no actual crime can be ascertained. We have to use the currency that prevails in the country we are exploring - in our case, the neurotic currency." For Freud, the neurotic currency involves wishes that are in conflict with reality. For example, guilt over socially unacceptable wishes, or the frustration of wishes by obstacles in the way.

Future influences

The principles would also guide Freud in his controversial review of Daniel Paul Schreber's book, Memoirs of My Nervous Illness, one of the most analyzed cases studies in psychology. [See: Daniel Paul Schreber: https://rumble.com/v1gu84v-case-studies-daniel-paul-schreber-freud-and-beyond.html]. With less understanding, in Freud's time, of psycho-biological breaks with reality, biological problems and thinking errors have yet to be separated.

Freud's small paper became a foundation for Psychoanalysis, but it still required updating, by Freud himself no less. The upcoming disbanding from some of his followers, and a World War, would be the motivation for Freud to write the influential Beyond the Pleasure Principle, which tackles the problem of why people in many instances actually desire and seek out displeasure.

Formulations on the Two Principles of Mental Functioning - Sigmund Freud: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781782203025/

Beyond the Pleasure Principle - Sigmund Freud & Beyond: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780141184050/

The Unconscious - Sigmund Freud: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780141915487/

The Art of Seeing: An Interpretation of the Aesthetic Encounter ~ Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Rick E. Robinson: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780892361564/

Rhetoric - Aristotle - Book I, Chapter 11.: http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.01.0060%3Abook%3D1%3Achapter%3D11

Harold P. Blum (2004) Beneath and Beyond the “Formulations on the Two Principles of Mental Functioning”, The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 59:1, 240-257, DOI: 10.1080/00797308.2004.11800740

Psychology: http://psychreviews.org/category/psychology01/

[particularemu]

Insanity | A Hwang Hyunjin Series | Part 6

Parts: [Prologue] [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Epilogue]

Word Count: 4226

Type: ANGST, FLUFF

Warnings: insanity, self-harm, suicide, drugs, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, physical violence

Tag List: @arohatiny​​, @malibuxw​​, @jisungsjheekies​​, @channiesmixtape​​, @minnepinne​

Author’s Note: Guess who shows up in this chapter? 👀

Side note: y’all keep changing your usernames, which is making it very difficult to tag you. So if you guys don’t get tagged, I’m sorry ):

When Hyunjin arrived in your room the next morning, he was surprised to see you were fast asleep. Since he started working at the hospital, you’ve always been an early riser. He couldn’t help but wonder if something happened after he left yesterday. 

“I’m glad you’re here.” Chan smiled at Hyunjin. The older boy looked worn out and tired. 

Hmm... Chan doesn’t normally look so worn out after a shift. Something must have happened last night. Perhaps night terrors? You’ve been having them sporadically over the past couple of months, but lately, it seemed as though you were having them constantly. “Tough night?”

“Very.” Chan sighed. “She’s been having nightmares all night. I tried to comfort her, but nothing was working.” 

“Oh no…” Hyunjin sighed. The poor thing just couldn’t catch a break. You’ve been through so much over the past few months and now you have to suffer with nightmares that keep you from sleeping through the night. He wished you would talk to him about them — tell him what you were seeing when you closed your eyes at night, but... he understood why you didn’t want to. 

“Dr. Douglas walked past her room when she was in the middle of a panic attack.” Chan sighed. 

Hyunjin mentally cursed his luck. “Of course he did. What did he do?”

“He let me handle it.” Chan paused. “He suggested more Peroproxin. I agreed, but I haven’t given her anything.” 

Hyunjin nodded. “Thank you.” Words couldn’t describe how grateful Hyunjin was for Chan. Every single time you take a dose of Peroproxin, you wind up having horrible anxiety attacks. Hyunjin couldn’t bear to see you go through that again.

“Of course.” Chan smiled. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m sure she’ll enjoy your company more than mine.” 

Hyunjin waved at Chan before heading to your bedside, brows creasing when he saw you squirming in your sleep. 

Oh no… 

Hyunjin wished he could give you something to take the nightmares away, whether it be a pretty dreamcatcher or a plushie to hug. Unfortunately, the hospital wouldn’t allow any of that. Hyunjin shook your shoulder, startling you awake before you went into a full panic. 

You frantically sat up, eyes scanning the room as you caught your breath. As soon as your eyes met Hyunjin’s you dove into his arms, startling the young doctor. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you, so slowly — so gently, anyone would think you were made of glass. “Hey sweetheart, it’s okay. I’m here now. What’s going on?”

“I had a nightmare.” You sniffled. “A bad one… I think.” Your hands grasped Hyunjin’s shirt, pulling the doctor as close as physically possible. “I don’t remember what happened. I feel like it’s a memory, but I just... I can’t —” You started to tear up.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Hyunjin ran his fingers through your hair. “Don’t work yourself up.” Hyunjin leaned his head against yours. “You’re okay.” 

“I’m sick of not knowing anything.” You pulled back and wiped your tears. “I’ve been here for a couple of years and I don’t know why. I haven’t seen my family in ages. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m just scared Hyunjin.” 

Hyunjin could feel his heart shatter as he saw the hopelessness in your eyes. You were giving up on yourself. He couldn’t allow you to do that. “I know sweetheart.” Hyunjin rested his hands on your shoulders, soft brown eyes boring into yours. “I can help you with that.” 

“You can stop these nightmares?” You sighed and wiped the tears off your cheeks. 

“No… Umm. I can use some therapy practices to dig those memories out of your brain.” Hyunjin smiled softly, eager eyes searching yours for any signs of hesitation. “Do you want to try it?”

You thought about it for a moment. Was that even possible? Would Hyunjin be able to help you recover your lost memories? You didn’t want to let him down. “You really think I can remember what happened?”

“Yes indeed.” Hyunjin pulled back, tapping his index finger on his temple, a strange habit you grew to love. “Memory repression was discovered by Sigmund Freud. According to him, people who suffer from severe traumatic experiences can unconsciously reject those memories. Patients have been known to forget the entire situation as if it never happened! 

This was discovered in the late 1980s when there was a series of allegations of child abuse in the U.S. With the help of therapists and counselors, the children were able to recall certain memories. Of course, psychologists wondered if the claims were valid.

There’s no ethical way to study memory repression in a controlled setting, so there’s no way to know how repression works. I’ve heard of many cases where patients tried to recover memories, but there were inconclusive results because the brain tends to replace traumatic memories with false memories.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle as you watched Hyunjin pace about the room. His eyebrows were knit in concentration as he spouted information as if he was a human textbook. A small smile tugged at your lips as you watched the genius's lips move, intelligent words tugging at your heartstrings as he told you about how fucked up your brain was. 

“That’s what I’m worried about with you.” Hyunjin turned to face you. “Recovering repressed memories can dig up some bigger issues. We can try using hypnosis or guided visualization, but some experts believe those techniques aren’t reliable.” Hyunjin paused, a small pout forming on his lips. “Sometimes recovering those memories can create new symptoms. You’ve been through too much already. I don’t want this to set you back at all.” 

You opened your mouth to speak, but Hyunjin kept going, making you smile. 

“There are many studies out there that have proven it’s possible for the brain to create false memories. Sometimes they can remember those fake memories in more detail than their actual memories. Unfortunately, it’s almost impossible to tell what memories are true or false.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the boy the longer the tangent went on. “Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin paused, eyes widening as his cheeks flushed. “Right… Sorry.” He chuckled nervously. “My point is, I can help you recover those memories if you want, but it is risky.” 

“How so?” 

“Well…” Hyunjin paused and sighed. “These memories had to be traumatic for your brain to stash them away. Are you sure you want to know what happened?”

You paused. Hyunjin was right. What if remembering those things would be too scary? What if you uncovered memories you never wanted to see? Maybe you were better off not knowing anything, content in your make-believe life you managed to conjure up while you were stuck in the institution. Still… that’s not a life. You were dying to know who you really were. You nodded. “I want to try.” 

Hyunjin smiled softly. “Okay, why don’t we sit on the bed.” Hyunjin sat on the mattress and pat the spot next to him. “Turn and face me, and hold my hands.” 

You did as the boy asked, sitting criss-cross in front of him as your hands slid into his. Anxiety bubbled in your chest as you prayed that you’d be able to uncover something... anything! Even if it was a small memory. You haven’t seen your mother in ages. Perhaps you could uncover memories of her? Hyunjin squeezed your hand and — God, it felt nice having his long fingers intertwined with yours. 

“Perfect.” Hyunjin smiled brightly at you, making your heart soar. “Can you close your eyes for me?” You shut your eyes, hands tightening around Hyunjin’s as you fidgeted. Sure, you trusted Hyunjin but having your eyes shut made you uneasy. The sounds of Hyunjin’s soft breathing made you feel calm. “Very good.” His gentle voice made you feel safe. “You’re doing great.” 

“I hope so.” You giggled. “I just closed my eyes.” 

“And you closed your eyes like a pro.” Hyunjin chuckled. “Now, I want you to think about that dream you had.” Hyunjin’s voice lowered ever-so-slightly. “Can you tell me what you saw?”

“I saw…” For a minute, you completely blanked. What did you see? Where were you? Oh… you were walking down the street at night. You could recall seeing a van. “I saw a navy blue mini-van.” You said. “I think it was blue anyways… Maybe it was black?”

“Very good.” Hyunjin’s soft voice made you feel safer. 

You could vaguely remember walking down the street, the street lamps illuminating the sign of a very familiar bakery. You could recall the smell of fresh-baked bread and pastries, the beautiful cupcakes resting in the display case, the art hanging on the walls.  “There was a bakery.” You smiled. “I used to go there every morning. My friend owned that bakery.” 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but smile at your excitement. “Very good.” He traced the outside of your hand with his thumb for no reason in particular. Your hands were so soft… he could hold them all day… 

Oh, but that’s not something he should be thinking about right now.  “Was it night?”

You nodded. “I was heading home.” Your brows creased. “I don’t know where I was, but I know I was trying to get home.” You walked right by the van and — you could see flashes of a struggle, a man holding your arms back as you thrashed, a searing pain in your head. 

Your eyes snapped open. “I can’t do this anymore.” You stood up and pulled your hands out of Hyunjin’s. “I can’t do it. I can’t.” You started to breathe fast, hands rubbing your arms. “I can’t.” 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Hyunjin quickly pulled you into his arms. “You did so well sweetheart.” He pursed his lips as he felt you shake in his arms. He was so curious — he wanted to ask what you saw, but now wasn’t the time. God, he shouldn’t have tried to resurface those memories. 

“Hey, look at me.” Hyunjin pulled away from you, resting his hands on your shoulders as your teary eyes met his. “It’s a process. We won’t uncover everything right away.” 

“You’re right.” You wiped your tears and sniffled.

Why did this hurt so bad? Hyunjin sighed as his chest tightened. It felt like his heart was being pulled in two different directions. Here you were, a girl who’s confessed, a girl who has admitted her love for him, and Hyunjin couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He couldn't find the courage to kiss you, to hold you, to tell you how he felt. All he could do was sit and stare at you.  

“Oi! Dumbass.” 

Yes, he was a dumbass. Wait…

Hyunjin couldn’t help but snort when Minho popped his head through the door, looking obviously annoyed. “It’s almost the end of my shift, I thought you were coming over like an hour ago.” He chuckled. “Are you coming or not?”

“Where are you going?” You looked at Hyunjin in confusion. He usually doesn’t leave unless it’s absolutely necessary. Frankly, you didn’t want to be without the boy. “Can you stay?”

Hyunjin smiled and grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. “We are going to meet someone.” 

You grinned and stood up, tightening your grip around Hyunjin’s hand. This felt so natural — like you were meant to have your hand in his. “Who are we going to meet?”

“We’re going to meet Minho’s friend. His name is Han Jisung.” Hyunjin followed after Minho as the three of you walked down the hallways to Room 318. 

Minho opened the door and rolled his eyes. “Seriously Asher? I asked you to watch him for five minutes.” Sure enough, Asher was lounging in one of the chairs, thumb swiping left and right as he swiped through a random app on his phone. 

“It’s not my fault you took so damn long.” Asher sighed. “I have shit to do.”

“Like play Candy Crush?” Hyunjin snickered, making Minho snort and laugh. 

“Shut the fuck up Hyunjin. This doesn’t concern you.” Asher took a step forward. The boy wasn’t quite as tall as Hyunjin — in fact, Hyunjin had a good few inches on Asher. However, the shorter boy was packing some serious muscle. 

You released your grip on Hyunjin’s hand, shifting behind him the closer Asher got to the tall boy. Your hands wrapped around his arm as you leaned your head between Hyunjin’s shoulder blades as if his back would protect you from the angry man in front of you two. 

“Asher, just get your shit and leave.” Minho sighed. “I’m not in the mood for this drama.”

You glanced over at the pile of papers Minho pointed to, immediately spotting your name. Why did Asher have your medical information? Do those papers contain information about your past? You slowly let go of Hyunjin’s arm and walked over to the papers while Asher had his back turned, attention completely on Minho. Every fiber of your being screamed at you to walk away, but there were so many unanswered questions. You were dying to know.

“Drama?” Asher scoffed. “You think I’m creating this mess?”

“No one else is talking.” Minho frowned. “You’re the only one with your panties in a twist about watching a patient for five fucking minutes. I’m back. You’re done. Now go.” Minho gestured to the door. 

Jisung burst into a fit of giggles at Minho’s words. “Panties!” He laughed hysterically. “I bet you wear those pretty pink ones.” 

Something completely snapped in Asher. Pure rage filled his eyes as he stalked towards Jisung, finger pointing in his direction. “You shut the fuck up.” 

“Hey!” Minho stepped in front of Jisung before Asher could do anything. “Get out now.” 

Your head snapped to the chaos as you reached behind you, grabbing the packet of papers while Asher was occupied. You moved quick, rushing to Hyunjin’s side to shove the papers in his chest. Hyunjin looked confused as his eyes quickly scanned the contents. “What is this?” He whispered in your ear. 

“Hide it now.” You were practically shaking, afraid that Asher would turn around any minute and catch you stealing from him. If he was THIS angry after being teased, you couldn’t imagine how pissed off he’d be once he finds out you stole from him. 

Hyunjin quickly slid the papers in his bag, confusion evident on his face as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on. He’d have to look at the papers later when the immediate threat of being beaten down wasn’t on the table. 

“I’m not done with him.” Asher snarled, hand curling up in a fist as if he was ready to punch anything standing in his way. 

“Get. Out. I won’t say it again.” Minho leaned forward, practically touching noses with the angry boy. 

God, you’ve never seen such fury in Minho’s eyes. Usually, the older boy had such kind, sparkly eyes. At that moment, they were filled with pure hatred. You hoped you would never have to see those angry eyes directed at you. 

“Just get out before you embarrass yourself further. It’s not like you’re a real doctor anyway.” Hyunjin crossed his arms over his chest, chuckling as Asher’s head snapped to him. “Oh? Did I upset you?” Hyunjin taunted the boy. 

“The fuck are you talking about?” Asher snarled. 

“See, I thought it was suspicious that you knew absolutely nothing about the prescription process, so I went ahead and looked at your records,” Hyunjin smirked. “Guess who doesn’t have a medical degree?” 

Asher turned bright red and lunged for Hyunjin, knocking him back into the wall. The man’s hand wrapped around Hyunjin’s throat. “Shut the fuck up!” You’d expect Hyunjin to look afraid, but the boy merely glared at Asher, fury evident in those chocolate eyes. 

“Jinnie.” You tried to run to his aid, but Minho grabbed you and pulled you away from the chaos, so you wouldn’t get hurt. 

Hyunjin was afraid — very much so in fact — but he couldn’t show any fear. He didn’t want to frighten you. He ignored the rapid thumping in his chest and practically growled. “Get out of this room, right now.” 

You could see what was going to happen — it was plain as day. You managed to slip out of Minho’s grasp right as Asher pulled his fist back. Before he had the opportunity to throw a punch, you threw your body at him, nails clawing his arm as you pulled him away from Hyunjin. “Stop please.” 

Asher threw his arm back, hurling you into the corner of the room. Blood ran down his arm as he stalked towards you, ready to fight. Your body was shaking against the cold tile floor. You just wanted to protect Hyunjin. Before Asher got too close, Hyunjin stepped in front of him. “Leave now, before I tell the whole hospital about this.” 

Asher merely chuckled. “Oh, and what good that would do.” The boy glared in your direction before heading out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. 

You lifted your sore body off the ground and clung to Hyunjin’s side, making the boy’s heart melt. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you, hand rubbing your back to soothe you. “It’s alright. He’s gone now.” Hyunjin kneeled in front of you, holding your hands in his as he asked, “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

You immediately wrapped your arms around his neck, throwing the boy off guard. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close, whispering sweet nothings in your ear as you frantically tried to explain yourself. “I didn’t want you hurt.” 

“Shh. I know.” Hyunjin rubbed your back. “But that was dangerous.” 

Jisung watched the entire exchange intently, eyes narrowing when he saw the blatant affection. It was unusual to spot things like this in the institution. It was rare to find a doctor who cares half as much as Hyunjin or Minho. But that wasn’t a Doctor/Patient relationship… That was love.

“Well, now that asshole is gone.” Minho sighed. “This is Han Jisung.” 

Your cheeks flushed as you parted from Hyunjin, suddenly realizing how unusual it was to cling to your doctor. You smiled at Jisung, immediately noticing how confused he looked. Well… more like — he was out of it. Jisung looked like he completely understood what was going on around him, but it looked as though he was living in a fog. 

“I told Hyunjin this last night, but Jisung used to work with me.” Minho smiled sadly. “The hospital claimed he went crazy and killed a worker, but…” Minho paused, frowning. “I know for a fact that’s not true.” 

Hyunjin smiled and walked over to Jisung’s bedside. “You look well Jisung. It seems like Minho takes good care of you.”

“I always take good care of my patients.” Minho pouted, cheeks flushing slightly. “I’ve been taking away Peroproxin, but Dr. Douglas always has his nose down my back when I’m giving Jisung his medication.” Minho sighed. “So he’s still getting some.” 

Hyunjin nodded. “Do you remember how you got here?” 

Out of nowhere, Jisung burst into a fit of giggles. “Tell me… When is a doctor most annoyed?”

What?

Hyunjin looked at Minho in confusion. “Uh —” 

“Yeah, he does that.” Minho interrupted Hyunjin. “He’s either spouting crazy nonsense, completely sane, or he’s making you feel like a dumbass with those riddles.” 

“You guys are too stupid to play with me.” Jisung pouted, making Minho chuckle. 

“Yep. All the people with medical degrees are dumbasses.” Minho laughed. “Even the genius can’t figure it out.” 

“Yes, I can.” Hyunjin pouted. “When is the doctor most annoyed…” He tapped his index finger on his temple as he tried to think of an answer. He was never good at riddles. Oftentimes, the answer is plain and simple, and Hyunjin’s brain always had to look into every single option. 

“Patients.” You whispered to yourself, catching Hyunjin’s attention. 

“You know the answer sweetheart?” He smiled. “What is it?”

Oh God, you didn’t think he heard you! You really didn’t want to chance looking like an idiot in front of a couple of smart doctors. Besides, you weren’t 100% sure that you were correct. You weren’t sure if you could take the teasing that would come with being wrong. “No, I didn’t say anything.” You grabbed onto Hyunjin’s arm once more, making the boy smile. 

Jisung giggled and made kissy faces towards the two of you, making your cheeks flush bright red. “Stop that.” You let go of Hyunjin’s arm, noticing the faint blush coating his cheeks as Minho burst into a fit of laughter. 

“Jesus, you guys seriously need to —” 

“When he runs out of patients.” Jisung interrupted the three of you. You were grateful to see Minho and Hyunjin’s attention completely on Jisung, teasing completely forgotten as Jisung started to laugh at his own joke. “Get it? Patience? Patients?” 

Hyunjin chuckled. “You deal with this —”

“Every fucking day.” Minho laughed. “He makes me feel like an idiot sometimes.” Despite the harsh words, you could tell Minho enjoyed spending time with Jisung. 

“How did you try to escape?” Hyunjin asked Jisung, eager eyes waiting for his answer. 

“Tell me, boy… There are two stupid convicts locked in a cell — or more like a dungeon of rock and rubble. There is an unbarred window high up in the cell. It doesn’t matter what these idiots do — whether they stand on the bed, or on top of each other — they can’t reach the window. They want to dig a tunnel out, but they give up on that idea because it’ll take too long and they’ll be long dead before they escape.” Jisung smirked and leaned forward towards Hyunjin. “One of them figures it out. What’s his plan?”

Hyunjin pursed his lips as he tried to figure it out. There are only two options, right? Either they dig a tunnel to freedom, or somehow they find a way to get up to the window… But Jisung just said neither was an option…

Oh! Hyunjin had it. 

“They’d still dig.” Hyunjin smiled. “They would dig and pile up the dirt until they could reach the window. They would only need to get enough dirt piled up, so they can lean the bed back on the headboard. Then they could use the bed as a ladder to reach the window.” 

“Wow, you’re a smart one.” Jisung laughed. 

Wait… Hyunjin pieced something together. “This had to have been your plan before you turned into a patient.” 

“Ding ding ding!” Jisung giggled. 

“How though?” Minho frowned. “That wasn’t in our plan at all…” He trailed off. 

“He was a hostage before he was a patient.” Hyunjin smiled sadly. “He was probably forced into a cell before he turned into this.”

You sighed. “How do we get out of here?” Your hands gripped Hyunjin’s arm tightly. 

“I can bring tears to your eyes; resurrect the dead, make you smile, and reverse time. I form in an instant but last a lifetime.” Jisung sighed, sadness evident in his features.

“A memory.” You knew the answer, it was a riddle you knew well from an activity book Hyunjin gave you months ago. “It’s a memory.” 

“What a smart girl you have on your arm.” Jisung smiled. 

Memories… Hyunjin pursed his lips as he tried to think. Sure, your memories were gone, and so were Jisung’s but what would recovering those memories do, aside from putting both of you through more fear and trauma? “I don’t get it,” Hyunjin mumbled. 

“I do,” Minho spoke up. “The best way to get out of here is to use the exit plan Jisung created years ago. We planned to leave with one other person…” Minho trailed off.

“Wait, you never mentioned another person.” Hyunjin frowned. “Who do we need to look for?”

“It’s because that fucker and I don’t get along.” Minho sighed. “Dr. Demain was the other party. We needed him to escape.” 

“What happened?”

“Well, Dr. Demain threatened to kill me after Jisung was taken. I only learned weeks later that he and Jisung were close for a long time. They created this plan long before I arrived at the hospital, but this dumbass felt the need to save me too.” Minho sighed. “I was the reason nobody escaped.” 

Hyunjin felt bad for the boy. Of course, he’d blame himself for this. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I don’t really know what happened, but you’re too kind to betray others.” You rested your hand on Minho’s, making the boy smile sadly. 

Jisung watched the exchange before speaking up. “There are what-ifs and why-nots in every memory, but good decisions come from mistakes you’ve made in the past. Without regret, you wouldn’t have a fire to light the torch — the torch that will lead you out of the darkness.” Jisung chuckled and stated calmly, “Every single wall in this institution is coated in the loveliest shade of red.” 

Hyunjin’s blood ran cold at Jisung’s words. That pretty much said it all. The institution was full of murder and deceit. He felt your grip tighten on his arm. The room was tense. Something was going to happen. 

Jisung laughed maniacally before he dug his nails into his own arms, drawing a decent amount of blood. The boy continued to scratch at his own arms, coating them in red as he giggled at nothing. 

“Stop!” You cried as Hyunjin left your side. Minho grabbed Jisung’s arms and held them away from his body, forcing the boy to stop hurting himself. Hyunjin quickly sedated the boy, heart panging in his chest as Jisung fell limp against the bed. 

Minho sighed and quickly pulled out the first aid kit. “Thank you, but you need to get her out of here.” 

Hyunjin shifted his gaze to your shaking frame, hand covering your mouth as you tried not to cry. He grabbed your hand and ran his thumb over your knuckles. “Let’s go sweetheart. You don’t need to see any more of this.”

[thewench-and-thekingslayer]

Michaela Coel, Gary Lineker, Olivia Colman, Kate Moss, Emma Thompson, Adrian Lester, ❤️Gwendoline Christie❤️, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Helen Mirren amongst 70 stars to sign letter urging PM to reunite refugee families

Celebrities call to make safe and legal routes available so that fewer people will feel compelled to make dangerous Channel crossings

Sir Patrick Stewart, Adwoa Aboah, Neil Gaiman, Richard Curtis and Joanna Lumley have also joined the call

‘I found the experience of living without a family to be unbearable’ - Merhawi Hagos, who came to the UK as a refugee from Eritrea when he was 14-years-old

70 high-profile celebrities, actors, singers, comedians, authors and artists have today written to the UK Prime Minister calling on him to reunite refugee families that are being kept apart by UK law.

The high-profile stars – including Anish Kapoor, Jessie Ware, Douglas Booth and Vanessa Redgrave – have signed an open letter in support of the Families Together coalition’s campaign to change the UK’s refugee family reunion rules currently keeping children in this country apart from their families.  

Current UK rules allow adult refugees to sponsor their immediate family members to join them. Child refugees, however, are deprived of this right.

Merhawi Hagos, 18-year-old refugee from Eritrea, said:

“I was separated from my mother when I was 14 years old. I had an extremely difficult asylum journey to come to the UK and thankfully I was granted refugee status two years ago.

“But I found the experience of living without a family to be unbearable and a situation I would not wish upon anyone. I struggle to lead a normal life: cannot plan, cannot focus on my studies or work. I feel lonely, and depressed and do not sleep well.

“My family are in a refugee camp in Ethiopia, the camp is not secure and safe. I’m imploring the UK Government to change the Family Reunion Rules so that young refugees like myself can be together with their families in the UK.”      

Gary Lineker, said:

“There are children in the UK right now who have fled war and persecution and have no hope of seeing their parents or siblings again. We should be offering them support and compassion. A simple change to the rules could be transformational.”

Laura Padoan, Co-Chair at the Families Together Coalition, said:

“Lockdown for many of us has meant separation from our loved ones. This is a heartbreak all too familiar for many refugee families who for too long have been kept apart due to overly restrictive UK rules. Today high-profile stars are sending a message loud in clear to the Prime Minister – families belong together.”

The household names join the Families Together coalition, in calling for a change to these rules, to make safe and legal routes available so that fewer people will feel compelled to make dangerous Channel crossings.

The coalition has launched a petition calling on the Prime Minister to change the rules.

Letter to the Prime Minister: You have the power to change lives

Dear Prime Minister,

Coronavirus has made us all acutely aware of how painful it is to be separated from our loved ones. But we know this separation is temporary. Sadly, this is not the case for everybody.

For some children in the UK, being kept apart from the parents they so desperately need is an everyday reality – pandemic or not.

These children are vulnerable. They have been recognised as refugees by our Government, having fled war or persecution - dangers and horrors most of us will never be able to imagine.

But the UK’s current refugee family reunion rules say that these vulnerable child refugees cannot be reunited with their family members.

After finally reaching safety, many must now grapple with a future of insecurity, knowing they might never see their family again. Tragically, at a time when children need their parents the most, our current rules mean that child refugees in this country will be left to live their lives alone.

Everyone should be given the chance to rebuild their lives so they can have a safe and happy future. That is why I am supporting the Families Together campaign in calling for a change to the UK’s refugee family reunion rules.

You have the power to change lives. With just the stroke of a pen you could fix the rules and help bring families back together.

Sincerely,

Adrian Lester

Adwoa Aboah

Alan Cumming

Alex Lawther

Anish Kapoor

Anita Asante

Anita Rani

Anoushka Shankar

Asma Khan

Axel Scheffler

Catherine Johnson

Chiwetel Ejiofor

Chris Riddell

Chris Martin - Coldplay

Colin Firth

David Morrissey

Deborah Frances-White

Douglas Booth

Emma Freud

Emma Mackey

Emma Thompson

Gary Lineker

Gugu Mbatha Raw

Guy Berryman - Coldplay

Gwendoline Christie ❤️

Hassan Akkad

Helen Mirren

Jason Isaacs

Jaz O’Hara

Jessie Ware

JJ Bola

Joanna Lumley

Jonny Buckland - Coldplay

Jordan Stephens

Julia Donaldson

Juliet Stevenson

Kaiser Chiefs

Kate Moss

Kwame Kwei-Armah

Livia Firth

Lolita Chakrabarti

Maggie O’Farrell

Martin Bell

Maya Ghazal

Michaela Coel

Nazanin Boniadi

Neil Gaiman

Nish Kumar

Nitin Sawhney

Olivia Colman

Sir Patrick Stewart

Phil Harvey – Coldplay

Sir Philip Pullman

Ramla Ali

Rebecca Front

Richard Curtis

Riz Ahmed

Rufus Hound

Rufus Jones

Sita Brahmachari

Stephen Daldry

Stephen Fry

Susie Dent

Tanya Burr

Theo James

Tracey Seaward

Vanessa Redgrave

Vick Hope

Will Champion – Coldplay

William Sutcliffe

ENDS

Families Together coalition

The Families Together coalition is made up of over 50 organisations including Amnesty International UK, British Red Cross, Oxfam GB, Refugee Council, Student Action for Refugees, UNHCR and Unicef UK.

The coalition is calling for:

Child refugees to be able to sponsor their parents and siblings under the age of 25;

Adult refugees to be able to sponsor their parents, their children under the age of 25, and their siblings under the age of 25;

The reintroduction of legal aid for refugee family reunion.

amnesty.org.uk