#francis spy kids

[best-character-named-x-poll]

have you done your daily click

[spy-kids-database]

Film still of Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over.

[tireditaliannsstuff]

FrUk spy AU inspired by Despicable Me 4 where Arthur and Francis are retired secret agents who live in a town in the middle of nowhere, adopted two kids and live peacefully until one day something happens and they have to go back to active duty (bringing their kids with them).

[caden-ccc]

DNDADS TIME YIPPEE

And now it's time for me to yap about the newest dndads episode :3

HELLO TONY IN THE INTRO THINGY

I am very excited to hear abt the new character, my bet is on either his neighbour or the original Tony Colette

The intro song will never not be amazing, it's so fucking good.

How many times can we interrupt Freddie: Challenge

HINT FACT

Sorry what, he knows the layout of all of your homes.

"Oh right I'm next"

A KID WITH A GUN that is the description of Francis

That Trudy fact was questionable.

Little side quest there for Anthony

Sneaky Pete? I do not remember him

"We could also go the motel?" "FINEE"

I think Matt wants to camp, I've got a slight hint.

Sneaky Pete has been about

"This paying for stuff thing"

I love the way Will didn't argue with Francis' side hustle

MAKE KELSEY AND TRUDY SHARE THE BED MAKE IT HAPPEN

I DON'T THINK WE INVENTED GAY PEOPLE YET

"Which is like an awesome success" Okay Anthony

OH SHIT SHANE

THEY THINK FRANCIS DIED?

"I shot a character arc into his fucking ass" HELL YEA FRANCIS

"Even Timmy"

"Never. They never leave for school."

THERE WAS A MOMENT OF HESITATION THERE

Murder, Murder, Murder sounds like a class show.

Our Trudy :C

Is Timmy the original child of og Trudy? The two other children seem robotic.

I need some murder murder murder mugs

I think they might be robots

DOES TIMMY KNOW

TIMMY KNOWS

TIMMY IS AWARE

FUCK UES TIMMY

WOAH TIMMY

WOAH

oh that's so sad :C

Oh what the fuck, I might cry.

what the hell

The two kids really do seem like robots

CALLED IT

"That's called shrugging"

Matt is asking all the right questions

SECRET TUNNEL

Scifi stairs :O

YES HAVE THE GUN READY SHOOT THE BASTARD

"Are you lying to me?" "Yes"

THE KIDS SPY ON THEM

OH SHIT THEY SAW FRANCIS AND OUR TRUDY

THAT BIT WAS AMAZING

A BRAIN??? WHOSE BRAIN IS THIS?????

TRUDY??????

IS IT TRUDYS BRAIN??

THIS IS WHY SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER THINGS WHY SHE'S ONLY PART OF HERSELF

HOLY SHIT

WILLIAM CAMPOS THE GENIUS YOU ARE

No new Freddie character tho :C

I can wait till next week

What's happening here

this is tonys character isn't it

Blake Lively?

HOLE IN THE STARS GOD I LOVE IT

MAXTON WALLER RELEASE THE SONG AND MY SOUL SHALL BE YOURS

and now we wait till next upload :C

ope apparently not :C four weeks

[lock3d-n-load3d]

Alrighty, that should be this blog set up. Still workin' out a few kinks 'n all but now you lot can send us some asks. For context, heres an image of us that should be on the header though its glitching on our end.

From left to right, these are:

Firebug, our resident Pyro. They like going on treks across the badlands, and enjoy bugs. Apparently we're all bugs to 'em. I'm a carpenter bee in their eyes.

Reese, thats me. I'm the one typing all this. Do I really gotta explain myself?

René, our damned Spy whose held me at gunpoint too many times. Hes good at what he does though.

Stanislav or Stas, our Heavy. I havent spoke with 'im much. He aint much of a talker. Though I've heard of a certain someone here who might like him.

Archie, the Sniper. Not much to say about him.

John, the Scout. Hes like a rat sometimes, and has a superiority complex worse than our doc to boot, but hes a good kid.

Terry, our Soldier. Likes planes, surprisingly. He also likes gambling. We've banned 'im from poker night though because hes a sore loser.

Demobot, more of a mystery than Firebug. Though I usually keep him in fightin' form. Hes a robot afterall. Though I swear we were meant to be gettin' a human. Ah well, Demo is a good'n, even though he scares me sometimes.

Rafel, our Medic. Hes crazy, obsessed with some Francis guy, and is the one guy you should avoid talking casually about birds to unless you want an hour long mininum infodump about whatever bird you point out to him. Same goes for him talking about said Francis guy. Or do, it might mean he doesnt kidnap one of us so he can ramble as much as he wants again.

'N thats all of us! Hoping for some asks or the like soon

--------------------

Hello! Hi! Mod Epi here! First ever RP blog of mine and its all my TF2 loadouts. Asks will be answered weekly, though any mod updates will go under the #Epi's Announcements tag and all of me talking will be in blue, because why not. Also me talking will go under #Epi's deranged rambles and any asks for me will go under #Epi talks to the voices

Other tags include:

#Firebug answers - questions that Firebug answers

#Reese answers - questions that Reese answers

#René answers - questions that René answers

#Stas answers - questions that Stas answers

#Archie answers - questions that Archie answers

#John answers - questions that John answers

#Terry answers - questions that Terry answers

#Demobot answers - questions that Demobot answers

#Rafel answers - questions that Rafel answers

#Team talks - one or more of the team talking

#Rafel's bird infodumping - Rafel talking extensively about birds

#Firebug's doodles - Firebug's drawings, usually of bugs

#Team answers - when the entire team answers an ask, usually only applies if 5 or more are asked at once because I want to keep my fingers intact

And there you go, thats all the tags. As of now this blog is fully text-only except for if theres any Firebug doodles, though I'm planning to try grab SFM at some point so I can make some scenes and the like, or I'll just use loadout.tf for it I dont know.

Something else to note is that SOME asks may be a bit on the more suggestive side, which means they will be under the #Askers are horny tag. Which also means yes I will answer suggestive asks if I feel comfortable with them. I will not be prioritising these asks over normal ones.

[qianqiancandyjar]

DP_the Secret Saturdays AU headcanons

Ghost Hunter Family Masterpost

Sorry, another abandoned comic. Like last one, I'm gonna squeeze something out of my brain at least.

However, I have no idea what to draw to explain the storyline at this point. So I made this long post of my headcanons about this AU.

I did try making new chapters yet I couldn't make a full one to even satisfy myself so I deleted all the drafts.

The Fentons–>The Saturdays

This au sets in the same world of The Secret Saturdays. The Fentons are part of the Secret Scientists, too, and good friends with the Saturdays. But they interact with each other only when they're not busy with their own mission.

Jack Fenton is in charge of all the inventions and equipments of the family, while Maddie is more focused on analyzing everything about ghosts.

Jack and Maddie are less obsessed with their works and focus more on the kids than in the canon. Especially Maddie, who educated Danny to use his power properly. Actually, she stressed the importance of human strength. That leads to Danny's less skilled in ghost powers. Is it a bad thing or good thing?

Danny is the reincarnation of the Ghost King, just like Zak and Kur. But he only possessed the crown part at the beginning. The ring part belongs to Vlad.

About Danny's commanding power: When he uses a specific voice to speak, the words can influence ghosts' mind and make them unintentionally obey. Of course such strong power won't come without a price. Every time he uses this ability, his throat will be severely damaged. The degree depends on how powerful the command is. (Resemblance? Jujutsu Kaisen, ahem)

Jazz is the reincarnation of the King Guardian, mirroring Fisk. She's a shapeshifter, and good at being a spy with her study on psychology. Her ghost abilities aren't as powerful as Danny's, but she thinks them enough to protect her younger brother.

Vlad Masters–>Argost

Before his departing, Vlad was a friend of Fentons. He's more professional on ghost language and culture than the Fentons, so he didn't tell them all what he had read on the asteroid, and then he left with all the secrets.

He knows he need to gather all the relics to fully awake the true power of the Ghost King. He's kinda pissed he only got the ring part. The main part is the crown, so Vlad doesn't have the power of commanding ghosts. Though, he'll try get the ghost army he wants some other way. And maybe one day, the crown will be his, too.

Vlad writes novels as a hobby, and his works happen to be Danny/Jazz's favorite, whoops. (They didn't know the author was Vlad. He uses pen-name)

Backgrounds:

The Ghost King was murdered by a human hero (Perhaps the ancestor of the Fentons) with a weapon made of blood blossoms. Both the worlds of life and death are free from his rule. Yet many years from then, the two worlds that had seperated from each other for so long, turn against each other out of fear and ignorance. The Fentons tried to maintain the balance by keeping the existence of ghosts away from most of the people in the world.

Since the fall of the king, the ghosts in the Ghost Zone had divided into many small groups. They often fight with each other for their own belief or desire. Some want to bring back the king, some want to take the throne, some want chaos and the rest just want peace.

Was bringing back the King the only solution for this mess? What if he doesn't even want to?

Other parallels:

The Red Huntress and the Guys In White–>Francis and the People

Sam Manson–>Wadi

Tucker Foley–>Ulraj

Frostbite–>Tsul 'Kalu

Frostbite is the guardian of Infinite Map, and one of the royal members of the Ghost King. He's been waiting for his return.

(Other additional headcanons to be added. You may add some if you're interested, too!)

[curiousb]

The Bertram Family Album: Volume XX

Having a very strange time at the moment, and haven't had the time or energy for my Sims, but I'm trying to get back on track. Back to the Bertrams again today, where kids are sprouting up all over.

It's a quiet Sunday morning at home, and Julius makes the most of his last day for bouncing on the bed, before his birthday later!

A leisurely family breakfast...of spaghetti, for Eccentric Francesca.

And a family game of kicky bag, to round off the morning.

Well, that will be why Julia's cereal was making her feel a bit queasy earlier on!

Extended family drop in, to celebrate with the two birthday boys. Julia clearly didn't feel like dressing for the occasion. (And is having prenatal doughnut cravings, it seems.)

At least she put on some clothes to go outside, and explain the facts of life to her slightly perplexed nephew Marcus.

Crawford prefers to spy on his neighbours in his bath towel. Eccentric, or misunderstood genius? I'll let you decide.

One last noogie from big brother Francis...

...and Julius's teen transformation is complete.

~ Aries 6 / 3 / 5 / 5 / 2

~ Shy / Anxious / Loves the Outdoors / Hot-Headed

~ OTH: Tinkering

~ Favourite Colour(s): Grey

~ Aspiration: Knowledge

~ Turn-ons / -off: +Alien / +Reserved / -Supernatural

It's youngest Timothy's birthday too.

~ Taurus 10 / 8 / 10 / 7 / 10

~ Eccentric / Friendly / Adventurous

~ OTH: Arts & Crafts

~ Favourite Colour(s): Blue

Alone amongst his siblings, he continues to be a cheery, creative little soul, with an Adventurous streak too!

[lookitsaflyingtoaster]

Sorry i procrastinated anyway

Episode 11 thoughts while listening

Same, Kelsey, same I too have a hard time condensing my ideas into clear statements.

Dndads sure loves its keys

Wow, you look so cool" "I know"

"I don't think we invented gay people yet"

They are feeding Kelsey/Trudy shippers today

Francis giggles when Shane talked about loosing his scholarship 😂

Been there

Rip to the 50s teens

Wait so the Trouts used to live somewhere else and the kids where'd always homeschooled? Hmm

Did the Og Trudys death lead to the move? What made Tucker( because it has to have been his idea) want his kids to be home schooled? He doesn't really seem to interact with them normally, interesting interesting

Man, what did Timmy do poor guy

Oo those kids are robots

Oh, oh this will make me sad

This episode has such video game energy

Spy robots.. Man

Santa? 😭

Oh shit oh shit Thats the Og Trudys brain

SLICES TAKEN!? slowly hacking away on the last bit of real Trudy..

HUGE LORE DROP NEXT EP??

[as8bakwthesage]

Ladies, gents, and all those in between and beyond, may I present...

The Hacker!

AKA Sage Corvid, age 28, and chronically tired hacker and computer virus programmer.

With their robotic arm, they are able to hack into any Dispenser, Teleporter, and Sentry in order to change the side of the device to service their own team for a brief time. They can also hack into Spy's disguise kit to disable it for a limited time as well. However, in both of these instances, they have to touch the device in question with the hand.

Alongside their Quick Hack arm, they also have a taser and a pistol. Their taser is built into their arm, so they have to be within melee distance to use it on someone to stun them. Their pistol is their long range device which doesn't do a lot of damage.

However, their final ability and arguably the most useful one is their shapeshifting ability: the ability to change into two animals (a crow and a cat.) They use this to sneak passed enemies and escape tricky situations more swiftly.

Small Things:

They have a tattoo of a crow on their left arm and a cat on their right arm.

The headphones they wear are noise-cancelling because they cannot stand the sound of bullets and loud noises in general.

Sage is Autistic and has BPD.

Under their oversized jacket, they have a machine strapped to their back that connects to their Quick Hack arm. It's basically the computer that is also connected to the headphones.

During fights, they always have music playing on their headphones.

They are seldom phased by shit.

They eventually develop a crush on Medic, who eventually returns their feelings

Backstory Stuff:

In 1940, Sage was born to a Yugoslavian father and American mother, who met right before the start of WWII. Their mother was forced to flee back to the United States because of the pregnancy, while their father remained in Yugoslavia to fight for the Partisans. Unfortunately, Sage's father arrived in the United States disabled post war.

Their mother and father were married when they were 5. For the next few years, Sage lived a happy childhood and learned Serbo-Croatian. However, at age 9, their parents were killed in a car accident, putting them in the care of their mother's tribe - the Abenaki. The US government tried to take them away multiple times, only for Sage to hide. It's here where Sage learned Western Abenaki.

It was among their people where they learned that they could shape-change into two animals (a crow and a cat), a gift that was passed down through Sage's father's side. Sage used this ability to escape out at night, play mischevious pranks, and escape unwanted situations. (This is often how they would escape the government looking for them.)

During these years, Sage lived with a war veteran who helped decode German messages. His name was Francis Brault, and he taught Sage all about codes and how to decode messages and other stuff. He even built his own computer. He taught Sage how to make one from spare parts, alongside how to fight and use guns. Francis also began working for IBM at this time, and this gave Sage a good window into computers and programming.

When Sage was 13, Francis took Sage to his work place, and Sage took to it very well - impressing Francis and some of his fellow programmers with their understanding of programs and computers. They were often invited by the programmers to experiment on their own, and their skills only seemed to improve (obviously they received help when they needed it.)

However, when Sage was 14, Francis died of cancer, and Sage was taken into the state's custody. Frustrated with being placed into foster care, Sage often avoided going back to their foster parent's "home" to go back to the IBM, where they were welcomed to come after school by the workers there who grew attached to the poor kid.

When they were 18, they aged out of the system, and Sage was effectively left alone. Their knowledge of computers and their fast growing skill with them allowed them to get a job working for a college in New York. And with this new job, they were the first person to create a computer virus.

During a regular day assisting with the computers, Sage found a rogue program in the system and used their own virus to combat it. They succeeded, but the person who actually messed up blamed them for the incident. Because of racism and general bigotry, Sage wasn't believed over the white guy and was fired.

At age 20, they began to built their own computers again, looting garbage bins and stole from hardware stores to do so. They moved to NYC, where they got a job as a cashier, but at night they'd make programs and computer viruses before sending them off via email to infect the systems of companies so they could steal money.

They did this for a while, worked for a few shady people as well, and started going by the name CROW. Learning from their mistakes, their programs and viruses became more and more advanced and dangerous. This eventually led them to discovering about Mann Co.

Originally it was just a curiosity, but as they began to syphon money from the company, they noticed that something wasn't right. This looked like a coverup for something else. Digging deeper, they found out about the Gravel War and found this to be especially interesting. They hacked the cameras to watch the fighting take place, finding it all very fascinating that these men were fighting over a gravel pit of all things.

However, they soon caught the attention of the Administrator due to a mistake on their part. And she sent someone after Sage. They kidnaped the enbie and took them to the Administrator, who offered them a deal. Either stay in Teufort and work for her, make tons of money, or be exposed as the thief who stole thousands from other companies and go to jail.

Sage chose the first option and became another mercenary. Their ultimate goal is to eventually take down the Administrator, but for the moment, seeing a bunch of grown men fight each other is equally fun.

[boxy-boy]

My friend has a highschool au for tf2 and is making it a comic (nothing rn) and I got to design spy and soldier 🥰🥰

Spy would be the fancy smartass-fresh outta private school kinda guy (he’s an exchange student from France ofc) and is probably part of student council

Soldier is one do the football kids 🗣️🗣️ military kid too probably, will put himself in danger for the stupidest things therefore spy has to control the guy

(I just call them Jane and Francis)

[sixty-silver-wishes]

more caligari hcs because its 2 am and Somebody has to make them

Cesare is missing some back teeth. How he lost them is better left unexplained.

Jane can play the piano, but she's not very good at it. She had to take lessons when she was young, but they never went anywhere. The best she can do is a few basic parlor songs, but she's even worse as a singer.

Francis has a very tense rivalry with Jane's mother. Dr. Olsen likes him enough, but Mrs. Olsen is frustrated by the fact that a commoner like him is so easily welcomed by the other members of her family, as she spent a long time socially ascending to marry into wealth. Jane has been brought up to think highly of her family and takes offense if they're insulted, so while Francis is very critical of them, he tries to restrain himself around her- which does not always go well.

Every year, Caligari celebrates March 12, the day Cesare was (canonically) brought into the asylum. Usually this means Cesare gets to spend the day outside of his box- but he's asleep the whole time, so he's not exactly doing any celebrating. He might also get a sprinkling of sugar on top of his usual porridge. as a treat

Alan is actually very, very afraid of death. This is because he's so in love with life, he's terrified at the prospect of leaving it. He was orphaned and raised by his grandfather, so part of his fear comes from being familiar with death from childhood. He loves his two best friends, but frequently gets unwanted thoughts about their potential deaths, which he doesn't want them to know about.

Alan and Francis went to school together as children; Jane was privately educated by a governess. Whenever they met up, she was always excited to ask them what was happening at school, which usually involved some account of Francis getting into fights with whoever made the mistake of bullying Alan in front of him.

Caligari actually hates the fairs. But he's gotta commit to the bit

Before he ended up at the asylum, Cesare was a talented yet amateur dancer who was poised to advance his career from clubs and dance halls to a professional ballet company. Unfortunately for him, his institutionalization meant he missed the audition that could have been his big break. He was very sickly as a child, but got into dance at a young age in order to strengthen himself.

Francis' main hobby is spying on everyone else in town. He keeps a notebook detailing as many people's schedules as he can, and loves to gossip.

Jane was always bad at eye contact, and often overcorrects this by staring at people for long amounts of time. This is often misinterpreted as either romantic interest or rudeness.

Kids in Holstenwall regularly dare each other to knock on Caligari's door and run away. They don't actually know he's Caligari; they all just think he's creepy.

Most people in town expected Alan and Jane to end up together, which made Francis feel insecure about himself. However, Jane wasn't interested in either of them, and Alan was only interested in Francis.

Francis prides himself on being logical and observant to detail. However, he cannot pick up on the hints that Alan is constantly putting down. In all fairness, Alan is so damn nice to everyone that it's impossible for anyone to tell whether or not he has platonic or romantic feelings for them.

Francis was asked to recite Alan's poetry at his funeral, but couldn't do it, as he was grieving too hard and too focused on solving his murder. He'd come to regret it, and kept Alan's poetry journal in his house, which he'd be very protective of.

Jane likes to pretend she's a ghost when she's bored. She wanders around the mansion in her long white dress, making weird noises and doing things like rattling candelabras. It's gotten to the point where a few maids are convinced there is a ghost, and she's scared away at least one prospective suitor.

Jane's mother is weirdly obsessed with England, which is why her daughter has an English name although they live in Germany. Mrs. Olsen always makes a point of following English etiquette and clothing trends, and always tries to work the fact that she has a distant relative in England into conversations. The relative in question does not want to contact her.

Speaking of English contacts, Caligari claims to have once co-authored an academic paper with a certain Dr. Seward. Nobody can confirm or deny this.

[spy-kids-database]

Color key environment concepts for Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over by Rodney Brunet.

[image from Rodney Brunet's website]

[hellosweetart]

Regarding your hot spring ask, is the peeping Tom a girl? Cuz I think of a couple of funny ways this can go down.

So the peeping Tom wanted to check the men’s hot spring when suddenly she was cockblocked by Anastacha (no kids were allowed in the hot spring so she had to sit out)

Anastacha: what’re you doing in the men’s hot spring? Are you spying on them or whatever? And why are you looking at my dad’s butt or whatever?

And even if the peeping Tom succeeded in getting a good glimpse of guys naked, they’d still get caught. And all the men would throw towels, wash buckets, soap whatever they can find to chase her out.

Francis and Robertsky: *shrieks like a girl when they found the pervert*

Afton: we have a pervert on the loose!

Angus: get her!

*all the guys throw their stuff at the peeping Tom*

Francis: get out of here you perv!

Hahahah yeah peeping Tom is a girl and let's call her Peeping Tam.

Peeping Tam has been having a crush on Izaack Gauss who lives in a huge apartment building just near her office. She heard from her "secret spy" that the reporter and his apartment friends are going to have a great relaxing time on a luxurious hot spring resort. Not wasting the opportunity, she stalked them and had to sneak inside carefully to avoid any suspicion. One bratty kid with pigtails is blocking her way though.

"Uhm, this is MEN's area? What you are like, doing here, or whatever?"

"I'm a janitress" Tam said monotously. Hopefully, her disguised uniform is effective.

"Don'cha have like, an assigned schedule to clean up? Cuz, my Dad and his friends are there..." The girl made a sassy look, much to the peeper's annoyance.

'.... this little brat.' Tam thought

"Oh, you are right. I must have overlooked. im gonna leave..."

Now she has to think another route to get a glimpse of her crush.

Luckily, she found a hidden way to sneak peek into the men's resort. And boy oh boy what great joy she experienced that aside from Izaack, she's able to witness the other young men's bare glory. "What a bonus!" She thought. She didn't expect that the milkman, the pilot, and the other men are so attractive to look at. Sure they have some imperfections on their bodies, like fat, or scars but she doesn't care! Its the best day of her life.

But its shortlived when she got caught.

"GET THAT PERVERT!"

(this may sound funny in fiction but don't do this in real life, its creepy 😶‍🌫️)

[basingstokemercury]

Thought experiment for when you need to clean out your brain:

Those Bonanza Boys playing DnD. What sorts of characters do they build? What are their play styles? Who DMs? Who should ABSOLUTELY NOT ever DM again?

This should be fun! Let's see...

Ben isn't too keen on the idea at first, but the boys convince him they need another player and he warms up to it. My own character based on him is a dwarf druid, and I think that's likely close to what he'd play; a cleric or maybe paladin, with personality and motivations similar to his own. I think of dwarven characters' connection to the earth as including land and therefore agriculture, so my reasoning for choosing the race might not make sense to others but it's become inextricable in my mind at this point. In play, he also tries to assume the role of the sensible, protective one - to his sons' annoyance at times, as they do enjoy some chaos to varying degrees. Of course, that just makes it more fun when he does pull a wacky but successful gambit. Which he definitely does every so often.

Adam... Well, Adam is a paladin. He just is. But he's playing a game here, and I'm not a loyal soldier, cagey spy, or percipient cowgirl, am I? He'd probably be drawn to the artificer class: the most complicated to play, and the one based around engineering and mechanics (except for the alchemist subclass). It's also the only official class not in the PHB, so he gets to buy more sourcebooks and be extra nerdy. I think I get high elf vibes from him? In play, he's all about the puzzles and strategy. I tend to zip through puzzles while the other players are still putting things together (my area of skill, of course we have all kinds of playstyles at the table), and I imagine Adam would be the same. He's solved the riddle, but Joe already burst in with a wild guess and set the trap off (again true story, why table communication is important). Oh well, time to show the kids how it's done. He never trusts NPCs. Just as a matter of course. Insight checks everywhere and a Wisdom score far higher than his class really needs. It doesn't particularly matter because the others keep walking into ambushes anyway. And, of course, he loves figuring out sneaky ways to cause trouble for the rest of the party when there's nothing serious at stake.

Druid feels like the obvious choice for Hoss (horse Wild Shape, anyone?), but I'll go creative and say bard could be his thing too. He could have fun as a centaur for the bit, or just plain human and rely on other things to make his character distinctive. He doesn't really have a specific style of play aside from trying to keep the group good-aligned (JOSEPH FRANCIS CARTWRIGHT, ARSON IS NOT THE ANSWER), preferring to go with however things are progressing and have as much fun as possible along the way.

Joe is a rogue. Specifically Arcane Trickster, for maximum troublemaking potential.

Adam: You should be a halfling. Joe: Why? Adam: Well, it just seems to make sense, Little Joe. Joe: I'm 5'9! If you guys were normal height- Hoss: Yeah. He's puny. Joe: Just for that, I'll play a goliath.

(I'm 5'1 playing a 6'5 yuan-ti. Height envy is not fun.) As a player, Joe is chaos incarnate, stopped only by the DM forcing consequences on him and other players getting fed up. He'll find the most creative solutions in combat, somehow bypass puzzles without anyone being quite sure how, and flirt with every remotely interesting/interested NPC. Yes, including the very obvious femme fatale who the DM never expected anyone to actually trust.

As for DMing... I think Ben wouldn't be interested, finding it enough work to wrangle his sons in the real world. Adam is a meticulous planner, setting up intricate traps and fights that require perfect use of environment and abilities for top performance. He keeps making attractive young woman NPCs who are definitely up to no good, just to see if Joe keeps falling for it (he does. nobody's sure if he's doing a bit or really that naive.). Where he struggles is when things go off-script, dealing with improvisation and players who mess around for the sake of it. Which means that while I'd love to have him as a DM, his style ends up just not suiting the rest of the group. Hoss is the best DM. Five stars, knows how to set up a story and keep it flexible enough for player agency. He misses being on the player side though. Joe comes up with just about everything half an hour before the session, turning up with a page of half-developed ideas and adapting them on the fly. He does it fairly well, but it's a hard thing to keep up. After a few weeks of "PLEASE JUST PLAN YOUR CAMPAIGN AHEAD OF TIME YOU'RE MAKING IT HARDER ON YOURSELF", they mutually agree that maybe it's not the best role for him.

[triviareads]

ARC Review of Charlotte and the Seductive Spymaster by Grace Callaway

Rating: 4.5/5 Heat Level: 4/5 Publication Date: January 11th

Premise:

Lady Charlotte Fayne is outwardly a respectable widow of the ton, and secretly the founder of a society of lady detectives. Her latest mission unearths a deadly plot by anarchists, as well as the shocking reveal that her late husband is not only alive, but also investigating the same group. 

My review:

This is the BEST second-chance historical romance with estranged spouses that I've ever read; The anger and resentment is REAL between Charlie and Sebastian— of course there’s gonna be hella beef when a hero is caught with his "mistress", refuses to deny it, fakes his own death, and emerges twelve years later and is caught out because he can’t handle his not!widow kissing another guy so he throws a rock at them. But what’s equally real is this all-encompassing attraction (obsession even) that never dimmed between them, even after twelve years apart. 

In the previous books in Lady Charlotte’s Society of Angels series, Charlie is seen as this level-headed, elegant lady… so obviously, this means in her book she’s very much NOT. She’s haunted by her husband’s betrayal and supposed death even as she completely fails to move on with other men (and believe me, Francis Devlin tries lolol). She’s also in the position where her friends and fellow investigators are getting married and having kids all while she feels like the odd one out. That being said, she’s still the classy, hyper-competent investigator we’ve all known to come and love. 

Sebastian is a smooth, equally hyper-competent spy, and is down just as bad for Charlie as he was twelve years prior, except he knows he’s in the doghouse after the whole faked-death thing. I did have to laugh at Seb’s wistful thinking early on about what would have happened if they weren't separated, something along the lines of "we were horny before, but who KNOWS what kind of kinky fucks we could have become if we had more time together :( ". And his secrets don’t end with his faked death either; there’s more to Sebastian’s past that he slowly starts to reveal while he tries to regain Charlie’s trust and it was really heart-wrenching to read how he grapples with his need to protect Charlie and his own internalized shame. And all of this is happening while the two of them work together to thwart an anarchist organization in the lead-up to the Great Exhibition. 

I liked how Grace wrote Charlie and Sebastian’s path to reconciliation: sure, the attraction, respect, and even the love between them never really went away, but it's the hurt and lack of trust that keeps them apart juuuust enough for most of the story so they keep doing dumb stuff like agreeing to a no-strings FWB relationship. It’s also this lack of trust that leads Charlie to assume the worst about Sebastian based on some questionable third-party sources.

Speaking of which, I appreciate that this book establishes that abusive and coercive sexual relationships and grooming comes in many forms and that boys and men can absolutely be victims in a way a lot of other historical romances don't, or skirt around. There are plenty of HR heroes I've read who blithely describe having sex with much older women when they're little more than boys, and a lot of times it's glossed over and we move on, but I am very glad this book was not one of them.

The sex:

Classic Grace Callaway sex scenes, which means it’s hot and heavy, the hero usually professes wanting to eat the heroine out 24/7, there’s generally one sex act that’s never been done before in Callaway-verse and no it’s not him eating ass (which has happened before, and happens here— good on them), and someone might say “gamahuche” but that’s alright and you move on. Charlie and Sebastian have this super hot give-and-take, almost-goading dynamic where they each give as good as they’ve got and there’s a decent chance arguments might end with sex. They also do that thing in second chance romances that I love where they know EXACTLY what the other person likes and they aren’t afraid to use it on (against?) them. 

I feel like the Lady Charlotte series has been a little more sex-toy forward (see: Pippa and Cull and ye olde sex swing), so it feels inevitable there would be a scene where Charlie shows Sebastian exactly how she pleasured herself for the twelve years he was away, namely, with a collection of dildos. I’d say that was the hottest scene in the book, but it’s also tied with The Time They Do Things With Meringue And A Butter Boat. 

There is also scene where she employs a riding crop on him (in public! After some sexy shadow puppetry!), and while the crop itself wasn't used that much, it DID serve a purpose, and if that purpose is Charlie utterly failing to edge Sebastian as punishment for not telling the truth and accidentally getting him off sooner than she wanted, then so be it. 

Overall:

I adore Grace Callaway and this book hit all the points I wanted from a second-chance romance with a married couple: it had the romance, the tension and angst, and you immediately feel that despite their estrangement, Charlie and Sebastian know each other better than anyone else and in that sense, they truly belong together. I would absolutely recommend this to any historical romance reader, though I do suggest starting from the beginning of the Lady Charlotte series. 

Thank you to Grace Callaway and her team for the ARC in exchange for my review.

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Outside, It's Stopped Raining

By one_of_those_crushing_scenes @ootcs

On Archive of Our Own

Status: Complete; 3,999 words

Summary: Bobbi Morse is a damn good spy. So the figure who’s been staking out her apartment all week doesn’t escape her notice. But his identity...well, that might surprise her.

My thoughts: Ahhh Francis. Honestly I’d like to see more of what happens in this verse. All the kids deserved better and so does Bobbi tbh.