#forgive me if I'm an idiot

[bonefall]

I understand being upset by the moonpaw dog post but i dont think talking about some random teen publicly (on a pretty big fandom blog) as opposed to like, dming them about it, is a very nice thing to do? Would recommend keeping that kinda gossip in dms going forward personally.

??????? "That kinda gossip???"

Saying that it's fucked up that a publicly posted incest joke about how deformed she should look went to the top of the Warrior Cats and Moonpaw tags, is gossip???

TRENDING TAGS?? GOSSIP?

I'm not talking about "some random teen," I have not even dropped a username and been VERY clear I don't want harassment of anyone. During this discussion about wider ableism against Moonpaw, I've directly answered two anons about the contents of a post that was/IS extremely popular to the tune of nearly a thousand notes.

One of those two asks was an anon who only stumbled in to say that the post was funny in a display of SHOCKING tonedeafness, while I was talking about how shitty it is to compare people who are the products of incest to unethical dog breeds, especially in the context of WC. The other was an actual XX/XY chimera who expressed that the extremely popular post hurt their feelings, and when they tried to express discomfort to someone, got told they "probably killed their twin in the womb."

It's not just one rando weenie little blog the minute half of the Tumblr space is openly laughing at a joke about deformed incest kids and hoping Moonpaw dies because she's so "gross." Not nice?? Your feelings are hurt? OTHER people's feelings were ALREADY hurt.

NOTHING about this was "nice" to begin with!

Difference is, when YOU cry me a river, you can build me a bridge, and get right the fuck over it. A person who's the product of incest cries and has to go right back to every shitty banjo-hunchback-hapsburg joke they've heard before, just feeling more unsafe about a space that PRETENDS to care about the abuse they experienced. If you feel guilty about that, maybe you should!

If you were under the impression I was ever "nice" about bigotry, you were mistaken. I don't appreciate calls for ME to be more polite when I'm at a trend of fandom ableism and calling it fucked up. I've named NO names. Sounds like what you ACTUALLY want is for people like me who have a platform to shut up.

[c-hrona]

Vash > Woowoo tits + mistletoe prompt 6?

:3c (requests closed)

[suudonym]

maybe this has already been discussed somewhere since the fanbook came out last year but I've only just gotten around to giving it a good look and there's something that caught my eye

so, most of the characters have a line in their profile that says what other characters they pay extra attention to. it's all pretty predictable stuff - they pay attention to characters they have significant relationships with or who they've had noteworthy interactions with, i.e. love trio all pay attention to each other, jazz pays attention to allocer and furfur and his older brother, keroli pays attention to iruma and lied and gyari, blushenko pays attention to sabro, ifrit pays attention to azz, etc. etc. but there's one that kinda stood out to me:

the people marbas pays attention to are iruma and balam. like, am I forgetting something? the only interaction I remember between marbas and iruma is during the heartbreaker when iruma rescued jazz and I can imagine how that might make an impression, but when has he ever even talked to balam? why is he paying extra attention to balam? why is he paying extra attention to the human and the only teacher who knows he's human??

[dailytogachako]

asking for a future togachako thread...

[ginbiscuit]

Paloma

Fandom: Mass Effect Pairing: Jeff "Joker" Moreau / James Vega Rating: Teen and Up Warnings: none Word Count: around 1,000 Summary: Shepard's party is in full swing when James decides to make his move on Joker. His bartending skills come in handy.

Tags: kissing, getting together, Idiots in Love, alcohol, no smut, I'm sorry

Written for harleyquinnnapier / @hatboyexchange

[crownspeaksblog]

God i just love eds little "thank you" in response to stede telling him that he likes his beard. It feels sincere and polite even.. you'd expect ed to keep being bitchy/passive aggressive (rightfully so) and respond with a fuck you instead, but no he says thank you like he can't help himself, he has to thank stede, he can't help but be polite to him, despite the anger and the pain he feels..

And i love how shy and polite he is when they're talking about where he's gonna spend the night and how he says "no, you shouldn't have to" and "oh, no, you go, no, sorry, you go" when they keep talking over eachother.... and it's like yeah he might have worked some of his shit when he was in the gravey basket and when him and stede talked earlier in the episode but there's no doubt there's still some lingering pain and that this doesn't magically erase the last 4 episodes but still.. but still he can't help but be this polite and shy, he can't help but be soft and tender with stede.. and his little "yes" about asking the crew if ed can spend the night, the look on his face with his stupid hopeful wide eyes and how he looks away from stede after saying "it might be nice" and then the look on eds face watching stede run is so making me crazy!!

[memento-morri-writes]

I've been thinking a lot about how Rook's reunion with his former mentor, Zara, is going to go, and since I can't predict what the DM is going to have her do or say, I can only dwell on what I know is going to happen. Which happens to include taking off the illusion ring that's been hiding his injuries from her. So have a snippet of the description I have planned for that moment:

tw for description of (mostly healed) injuries

He hesitates, twisting a ring on his finger. Looking at it more closely, she can tell it’s very finely crafted, and must have been very expensive. A large emerald is set into the band. Rook sighs, and pulls the ring off his finger in one quick motion.  Immediately she’s struck by the difference in his appearance as the illusion melts away. He looks awful. His warm, healthy skin fades to a dull and sickly grey. There’s huge bags under his deeply sunken eyes, and his cheeks are hollowed, as though they have been carved out by an overeager sculptor. He looks like he’s recently risen from the grave.  While he was thin before, now she can see his ribs under the skin, and his collarbones are exaggeratedly pronounce. Thin white lines left by dozens upon dozens of recently healed cuts are scattered across his body. On top of that, faded bruises cover most of his visible skin, a mottled mosaic of purple and yellow. They’re clearly days, maybe weeks old, and she can only begin to imagine what they must have looked like when fresh. Bandages are barely visible under his shirt, wrapping around his back, hinting at even more injuries.

[anon-unofficial]

hey so. um. i was told that lmk didn't have any pain. and. haha. haha. haHa...what the f

[running-in-the-dark]

I think there's something wrong with my sense of morality or. something like that?

just watched the scene where Eliot said the others are all redeemed and he isn't and never will be and I just. I know what he means/what the writers meant and all, obviously, I understand that.

but I guess I just don't understand the whole idea of redemption (and forgiveness too) in the first place

like. I don't know? I don't get it. doesn't make sense. you're doing good things now, you clearly have an understanding of what's right and wrong, you help people because you want to help people. that's good. and you're clearly aware that what you did in the past was not good. why does any of the rest matter?

like no dude Nate of all people definitely was not a better person than you? okay yeah you killed people but he was just shit all around. I don't know.

[coffeeworldsasaki]

Thankfully I'm liking the french book I'm reading or I would get an aneurysm now that I'm in a rush to finish it to lower the daily reading time

[causenessus]

I was reading this haikyuu bu translation earlier and I just noticed Suna didn't join their shenanigans 😭 like even KITA joined but Suna is nowhere to be seen during all this chaos?? (Except the end hehe, Suna in a suit)

OH MYGFOWOSS THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS MY EYES HAVE BEEN SO BLESSED HE LOOKS ADORABLE 😭😭 he was too busy being a responsible and professional man to join in the shenanigans kita had to fill in for him </333

[isekyaaa]

Reading the spoilers of otome light novels always be like, "Wow, people really hate men."

[p-receh]

Oboi's ready to give up beliung's power to kuputeri but absolutely devastated when kirana takes voltra from him (and the whole debacle with retakka). Consent matters.

Movie 2 = Movie 3 = someone stole oboi's element and oboi+gopal leaving the others 😭 and ends with new powers (fusion and rimba)

Oh.

OOOHH?

Anon, I just want to say:

[chemicalarospec]

not to do Evil Speculation on but do you guys think it's possible Rainbow Rowell hasn't heard of demisexuality. Because she keeps writing demi characters but never uses the word. I mean as far as I can tell she's never even mentioned asexuality but I just find it hard to believe she's not aware of the asexual spectrum having been online so long -- and I'm 99% sure she's read Alice Oseman because they follow each other. Which then having established that she likely knows about demisexuality, it does make me wonder if she has something against labeling it/a-spec labels in general... (sorry I told you this speculation would be Wrong and Evil. unfortunately if I don't speculate regularly my weak body will perish. sorry.)

[criticalfai1ure]

kees!lives au :

it’s steadfastly the aftermath of the battle. cyrus holcroft is dead. cornelius smeenk is decidedly not, with much gratitude to ingvild and her ferality for drawing holcroft’s ire.

in this calm, kees find something deeply unsettling roiling in his belly — fury. hot and overwhelming and, for the first time in their lives, directed at august. kees is alive and he is fuming. every life lost, every second of torture he and ingvi had endured in august’s stead ( and would again and again ), all of it could have been avoided years ago, if only auggie had taken holcroft’s threats to heart.

the bosun lays into the captain that night. angry and mean.

death has changed ingvi and there is a stillness and calm that had not graced her before. she stands as a statue outside of the captain's quarters, godsword on her hip, smirking faintly at kees as he stalks out. “so you'll let me kill them next time, right?” she says, dryly.

kees answers quickly, still hot from his argument, “don’t.”

she reaches out, then, softening, and catches his arm "hey. we're here. we're still here. and he has to live with the memory of what happened for the rest of his life."

kees runs a hand over his face and sighs because he knows she’s right. but he’s already woken up with the ghost of the rope around his neck and, he won’t admit it yet, not fully, but he knows deep down that he wasn’t meant to make it through that encounter. “without your gods, where would we be?” fingers tug at the neck of his shirt, “i will forgive him because i -” his lips twist and he looks away from ingvi to stare up at the sails, “- but i would be lying if i said it didn’t feel good to make him hurt a little more for a little longer, and if that makes me a terrible friend, so be it.”

"oh, if you think i am not going to use dying for him as an excuse to do literally anything, you have too high an opinion of me." she steps closer, sliding her hand down to his and squeezing it. "knowing you're going to die for your captain and actually doing it are pretty different experiences. i think we have the right to be terrible."

— • —

it’s noon the next day and august is still sequestered in his cabin but kees refuses to be the one to check on him. suyu has the shift and brief orders from the captain to retain command through the night, so when kees approaches him, he dismisses the bosun's worry.

by the dinner bell, kees' guilt has begun to eat away at him ten-fold, but every time ingvi looks at him, he pretends he doesn’t notice. by midnight, when the door hasn’t even cracked and kees doesn’t want to sleep even if he could, he wanders out of his quarters to sit outside of the cabin. his guilt has been fighting his anger all day, and he finds this little acquiescence assuages some of his inner turmoil.

atsuyuki prods kees with his foot the next morning, pointedly looking at the captain's quarters, "mister smeenk, if you wouldn't mind checking on the captain this fine morning?"

kees clambers to his feet, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he glances between suyu and ingvi. the quartermaster excuses himself for the bridge with a slight bow of his head.

ingvi gives an uncertain, "how badly did you chew him out?" as they stare at the doors only for kees to shrug. “he deserved it.” but he doesn’t sound as sure as he had the night in question.

"i don't doubt it, but this is the longest i've ever seen you two not speak."

he scoffs. he's sure there's been time they've gone without speaking. then again, he's never brought a fight to his friend, so maybe not. “he’s probably just angry at the truth being laid out,” kees knows he’s lying to himself. “d’you think pax has brought up any food?”

"... i'm sure he's tried, if anything. i'll ask." after another beat she heads off to the galley.

it feels like ages when it's barely been minutes as kees' impatience overcomes him, finally drawing him to knock. after a moment of silence he knocks louder only to have august shout for him to go away. his worry shifts, then, because he’s got a sneaking suspicion he knows what he’ll find when he opens the door. when ingvi returns, he asks her to have pax bring up a strong pot of coffee to which she just gives a sharp nod and returns belowdecks.

it's been two days but the smell of alcohol has gone stale without an open window to circulate the air. guilt clashes with the anger in his chest as kees enters the room, sharply closing the door behind him to catch august’s attention.

“did you not hear me? go away,” the captain slurs. he is sat hunched over his desk, bottle of rum drained, rolling on its side with the sway of the ship.

“auggie…”

“don't - don't auggie me, kees. just -” and here his voice breaks, “just leave me be.”

rather than listen, kees crosses the room to kneel at his captain’s side, looking up at him with a sadness in his gaze. “what have you done, mijn hart,” a whisper, “forgive me my anger.”

tears spring to august's eye and he turns to hide his shame from the bosun. “i lost you, kees. i lost you both -”

“and yet we are still here. with you. you won't be rid of us so easily.”

ingvi's knock comes quicker than expected and august looks up, brow pinching with annoyance. kees watches auggie a moment longer before pushing to his feet, bidding aug to look at him and pressing a kiss to his forehead before calling out for ingvi to enter.

as the door creaks open, kees crosses to the back of the cabin, propping open the windows for the sea breeze. ingvi enters silently and eases the door shut behind her. she carries the coffee to the desk, pours it into one of the three mugs pax had provided on the tray and sets it in front of august. instead of pouring one for herself, she glances around, wordlessly setting to put things back in order.

august grimaces at the strong smell, sliding the mug further from him until kees tuts, taking a seat opposite. “drink up, mate.”

“ik ben geen k-kind.”

“and when you can admit as much without slurring, perhaps we’ll believe you.” kees crosses his arms, expectant, and after a long moment of trying to wait it out, august finally relents and sips at the coffee, grimacing again. after another moment, kees quietly asks, “is this… because of me?”

august sips the coffee again, unwilling to meet kees’ gaze and instead watching ingvi tidy up. embarrassment colours his cheeks upon realising the mess he’d made but he shakes his head. “nee. or, not because you shouted.” he pauses, eyes falling shut as he leans back in his chair. “i was wrong, i should not have allowed my feud with cyrus to bleed into our lives as much as i had – shouldn’t have underestimated his ire.” a shrug, and his words come out choked, but he looks to kees and then ingvi, now, “i nearly lost you both, we did lose you, ingvi, brief as it was. and if your gods were not with us?” a tear slides down his cheek and he does not brush it away. “i am a disgrace of a captain. a continued lapse of judgement proves as much.”

she does not need the reminder she died; she has woken every night so far with the memory of the chill, of her blood coating her skin. it is not something she will soon move past. "why do you concern yourself so with wondering what would have happened without my gods' interference?" she doesn't mean the words to be as sharp as they come out. "they were with me. they are with me." fingers brush the gold mark still shimmering high on her forehead. "disgrace or not, you are still the captain we choose to follow. if the gods can make the mistake of letting me die in the first place, you can allow yourself mistakes as well. finish your coffee."

an anger not quite as hot as when he fought cyrus bursts through him in an instant and he stands, chucking his mug at the far wall. hands fall to his desk and he sneers at both his best friend and his surrogate daughter, “why do you insist on following a man who selfishly chose a game of cat and mouse over the people he cares for most? all because he thought so highly of himself, he could have never imagined that which has come to fall?”

kees stands then, too. albeit lazily. scorn bleeding into his tone, “our blood is on your hands - i said as much the other night. is that what you’d like to hear? sober up, kapitein van de hoek. dat is een bevel, ja?”

“an order?” august scoffs. “misschien had je moeten…” but he trails off before he can finish his sentence shame flooding him as he dared allow the thought to take shape. kees pales, more than able to hazard a guess at the unspoken word.

“fuck you, august,” he spits, turning on his heel and stalking out of the cabin. the door slams behind him and august sinks back into his chair, face in his hands.

“het spijt me,” he mutters, hands then falling into his lap. shaking, penitent, he reaches for the pot of coffee, “i am not myself, ingvi. please relay to mister nakamura that he has the command until we reach england.” as, clearly, he cannot be trusted to speak to his crew.

she doesn't leave straight away, her own anger spiking at his. but it is no longer the hot, bright flash that it used to be, instead burning through her veins like lava, like ice. she stalks up to the desk and leans over it, hands braced slightly wider than her shoulders, bringing her face very close to his. voice a low snarl, "when I joined this crew, you told me I would die on this ship, same as any other man in the crew. that was an eventuality i accepted. dying hurt, and i remember every second of it, and i would do it again for you. because you, august van de hoek, saw me. you understood me in a way no one, no one else in my life ever has. that is why i follow you. failures, mistakes, and all. and i will not have you acting like it is foolishness on my part to do so." she straightens, still viciously cold. "i am your attack dog. do not muzzle me again."

august tries to play at being himself, at being sober and unflinching. but his eyes keep darting up at ingvi and he can’t steady his hand enough to pour the bitter drink into a second mug. “you have my word,” a whisper as she stalks away.

it is only a few long strides to the door, but it is enough to calm her anger. she pauses at the door. "give him time to calm down, but you have to go to him to apologize. do not wait too long. the longer you leave his heart broken, the harder it will be to mend it."

blurry gaze trains on her at mention of kees. “his… heart?” as if he doesn’t know why she would mention it. she merely gives him a long, pointed look, then leaves in search of suyu.

— • —

they’re a day from where they will make port and a full day past his words to kees. august suspects they may not have been travelling at full sail for the majority of it, but he isn’t about to question his quartermaster’s command. he has sobered, weathered the worst headache he’s ever had, and had ingvi’s parting words repeat on him ad nauseum in every space between his breath. and yet he waffles.

the bell tolls for the shift change and, for the first time since he’d secluded himself, august opens his cabin door, hands folded behind his back until he spots kees. “master smeenk, a word, if you will.”

there is a moment - a tense one - where kees considers insubordination. august can see it in the way he rolls his shoulder, tilts his head, but the crew is watching. so he obliges.

the door snaps shut behind him but he doesn’t move further into the room, arms crossed, he is closed off. august stands in front of his desk, lips twisting with all the words he’s planned on saying but seem to refuse to spill.

a long moment of silence stretches before kees pipes up with, “if that’ll be all, kapitein van de hoek?”

“kees…”

“no.”

august propels himself several steps closer, “kees, het spijt me, alsjeblieft. i never… you’re right to hate me. that wasn’t me, that was…”

kees rolls his eyes. “a drunk mind speaks a sober heart,” his reply is quiet and he turns, as if to leave.

august finishes crossing the room, reaching for kees, his hand coming to rest on his arm. “cornelius, please. ik heb je nodig, you know i do. i… i always have and always will.”

kees scoffs, but he doesn’t pull away. “you haven’t needed me in years.”

“that is wholly untrue.” and august shifts, hand moving to brush kees’ cheek. “i am sorry - for not heeding your advice years ago, for underestimating cyrus, for failing the crew and for failing you most of all. i am sorry for my words and for my shortcomings. and i am sorry cyrus dared use you as a pawn against me. het spijt me, and if you never forgive me it will be too soon. i l- hmm…”

kees meets his eye, arms falling to his side, “say it.”

“i love you, cornelius.”

“je bent een idioot, august.”

auggie laughs softly leaning down to rest his forehead against kees’, sighing deeply. “het spijt me.”

“week ik. ik houd ook van jou.”

[omegas-reincarnation]

My personal headcannon for sith names is that you choose a name based on what you want to become.

Caedus - who initially went to the dark side to protect his daughter - means sacrifice. One who takes darkness apon themself in place of another.

Sidious sounds like a corruption of insidious, which perfectly describes the way Palpatine insinuates himself into people's lives and manipulates them.

And it makes the idea of Vader actually meaning father in cannon work so well. Because yeah, he went to the dark side to try and protect padme from dying in childbirth. To become a father. And it's that desire that ultimately saved him, and saved the universe.

(I would also love it if Revan was supposed to be a reference to revenant. For foreshadowing reasons ;)